People Stand Up For Themselves In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Used Laptop To My Deadbeat Uncle?
“This seems insane to me (28). I work from home and was recently upgraded to a new desktop. My laptop was running so slowly, and I’m happy to get my company software off it so I can use it for bills and standard social media.
Over Memorial Day, I told my sister about how my company issues new desktop computers.
I do not know what my grandma’s deal is with my deadbeat uncle, who has a problem with drinking, but it’s odd and annoying. My grandma started talking about how my uncle could use a laptop because he lost his to a hacker, so I should give him mine.
I tried explaining that I’m still using mine for personal stuff, but my grandmother said I could get a new laptop and help my uncle out now that I have a nice job. I told my grandma, “If my uncle wants a laptop, he can get a job and buy it like an adult.” My grandma started by saying that not everyone is blessed by luck like me and I should be humble and help the family out.
I got angry and said, “I wouldn’t give my uncle my first poop of the day, let alone my laptop.” My grandma acted so offended, and I told my mom and sister I was exhausted just by being here and left the family cookout. My mom texted me saying how much I upset my grandma by talking to her like that and I should apologize and try to make some peace offering with her and my uncle.
I reaffirmed that I will never give my uncle anything ever, and there is no point in asking me. My mom said I was being a jerk over this to my elderly grandmother, and I really, really, really don’t care.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is your laptop and you are still using it.
And, even if you weren’t, it’s your choice what to do with it. It’s not your grandmother’s place to decide what to do with anything you own, even if it would go to someone you like. If she wanted you to give it to your uncle, she should have asked you if you were willing to consider it and, if you said “no,” accepted your answer.
Unfortunately, your grandmother did not accept your polite answer when you said “no,” and kept pushing. People who don’t accept a polite answer should be prepared to receive another type of response because they’ve clearly sent the message that being polite doesn’t work with them.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What is it with entitled relatives these days? I have a whole family full. I won’t even give them my address. They’ll just show up and act like morons. Nope, nope, nope. You give over that laptop and every time that uncle who drinks too much messes it up it will be on you to fix it or replace it.
Just because I went to college and grad school and have a great career doesn’t mean I need to support the rest of their lazy and under-employed selves. These manipulative people are so draining. I have left so many events because I can’t with them.” One_Object8516
Another User Comments:
“”My mom said I was being a jerk over this to my elderly grandmother, and I really, really, really don’t care.” Congratulations for being a jerk to your grandma, uncle, and mom. Congratulations for having a healthy spine. Congratulations for not taking anything from anyone.
Congratulations for not accepting “tHe FaMiLy” nonsense. Congratulations on standing your ground. Congratulations for really, really not caring. You’re NTJ. Tell mom and GM they’re welcome to buy a computer for your uncle anytime they want, with their own money.” WorkInPr0g
21. AITJ For Choosing One Niece's Cookie Flavor Over The Other's?
“My (22f) brother has 2 nieces from 2 different women: Ann (6) and Zoe (8).
He was never married to any of the women. I was away for college but got a job in our hometown so I moved back. After settling in, I offered to help babysit my nieces on Saturday mornings as my brother and the girls’ moms work.
I have only been babysitting for a month.
The girls are well-behaved and get along. They are both animal lovers so a lot of our activities centered around my pet rabbits and parrot. Last week, however, the girls were watching a program that showed them how to bake cookies.
They asked me if they could.
I don’t have an oven but I have a small air fryer. I had a pretty good recipe for peanut butter cookies and asked the girls if they would like to make peanut butter cookies and Ann said peanut butter was her favorite but Zoe said she wanted oatmeal cranberry.
I asked if they could compromise as it wasn’t practical to prepare two types, with the air fryer being small and the amount of time we had left before their moms picked them up, but they insisted that was the flavor they wanted. Neither has a food allergy of any kind.
I looked at the time, told Zoe that since Ann and I voted for peanut butter, we would make peanut butter cookies and she could have her flavor next time. Zoe sulked a little but was still involved in cookie-making. Then they watched cartoons until their moms came over just as the cookies were finished so I packed them for the girls and they left.
Zoe’s mom called me a few days later and said that Zoe told her of what happened and that she felt I was favoring Ann. She said the right thing to do would be to tell both girls to wait another week so I could borrow larger baking devices so that I could make the cookies for both girls instead of telling one girl they had to wait while having to watch another girl get exactly what she wanted.
I thought she was entitled and didn’t pay her a lot of thought but yesterday she told me she would have her mom babysit Zoe for the next couple of weeks. I guess she really was unhappy. I wonder if I was the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – and yes, the mom was being entitled on her daughter’s behalf. Next time, because there will be a next time, when that mom gets annoyed over something that happens that’s perfectly reasonable, I think your line is: “Sorry girls, we’re not making cookies unless BOTH of you agree on what flavor you want, or one of your mothers can loan me another fryer, because like I told you last time, my air fryer just isn’t big enough for two sets.” – and find something else to do.
Some people just spoil nice things.” TeenySod
Another User Comments:
“Just shake it off. She’s being really unreasonable. I would keep dried cranberries on hand in your baking supplies though so you can pull through on your promise next time. Two kinds of cookies! No way.
If you’re making from scratch, come the heck on. If you were just warming dough you already had prepared, then that’s a different thing. I recommend blasting “You Can’t Always Get What You Want” and dance it out. This one goes out to you, Zoe’s mom, who is chafing under the restrictions of being rigid and unwilling to compromise.” imtchogirl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What a ridiculous request. She’s looking for offense. You were spending a nice day with your nieces. Sometimes you can’t get what you want and oatmeal cranberry is a random selection. I have neither in my house right now. I don’t have kids but it seems like it would be a hassle to disappoint them with no cookies versus baking one kind now and the other next time.
It’s not favoritism, it’s practical. Zoe’s mom needs to chill and should be worried about what it means to always give your child what she wants when she wants it.” EffectiveOne236
Her mom can do two things... bake oatmeal cranberry cookies with Zoe and kick rocks with her entitlement.
NTA. Everything was OK until Zoe's mom got involved. "Borrow equipment"... honestly
20. AITJ For Not Letting My Brother Live With Me After He Was Kicked Out?
“My brother (36) is a jerk – he has been unfaithful to every woman he has ever been with.
My father had a second secret family and was unfaithful countless times. So it is a hot topic for me (26F).
I was living with my partner at the time in a 1 bedroom apartment. My brother is engaged and bought a house with his fiance.
We all think he is finally settling down and growing up until the entire family, friends, cousins, etc get multiple social media messages from a woman saying that she is also in a relationship with my brother and they are in love. But he has been lying to her saying that his fiance is his cousin and they just live together.
That he and the other woman have been planning a life together. That is a dispassionate synopsis of the situation as inappropriate pics were included – so it was dramatic!
His fiance, rightly in my opinion has none of this and throws him out of the house.
He is now homeless – we live in the same city (however, so do other relatives, and many of his friends, and he has a well-paid job). My brother asks me if he can come live with me and my partner in our 1-bed flat.
My instant feeling is NO, but also my family is mostly guilt-based and judgemental so I felt it was my obligation to. But my feelings aside, I am not the only one who lives there, this is also my partner’s house and he gets an equal say.
He said, no way, the house is too small, and he does not want to condone my brother’s actions, nor does he like him very much. This put me in a tough spot, but I ultimately agreed and called my brother to say no, he cannot live here.
He accepted it and said he understood.
30 minutes later I received a call from my mother chastising me for not allowing my brother to stay, that I was choosing my partner over my family, and ultimately that my actions here were equally as bad if not worse than my brother’s actions.
Which made me so angry I threw my phone at the wall ending the call. But now I am being pressured to allow my brother to stay. So AITJ for not letting my brother live with me?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t have space.
Your mother is wrong. You’re not choosing sides, you are already in a living arrangement and can’t alter it. She is just worried that she will have to take him in so she’s trying to guilt you. If your mother (or family member) calls again, tell her (them) to stop bullying you.
Be careful, one of the common comments on a post like this is that the mother can take him in if she’s so concerned. YOU cannot suggest that, just like she cannot force you to take him in, you don’t get a say in her living arrangements.
Just keep saying the same thing on repeat. “We don’t have the space,” and change the subject.” OkSeat4312
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did the best thing for you. From personal experience, I have to say never let family move in for a “short stay”.
Ever. About 20 years ago my younger brother moved in with myself and my partner for a few weeks while he looked for a place to live. He knew he had to move out of where he was for a couple of months before he moved in with us.
He was already supposed to be flat-hunting. He stayed with us for over six months, we had to ask him to leave when it became clear he’d stopped looking for his own place. He moved in with a married friend and was in their spare room for more than six months too.
Our relationship has never been the same since.” Dear_Tangerine444
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – ask your mother why she thinks your 36-year-old brother can’t find his own place to live. Let her know that if she wants to let him live with her, she’s welcome to do so, but you and your partner decide who lives with you.
You don’t have an extra bedroom and she’s absolutely right you’re putting your partner’s feelings about who stays with you over the wants of a selfish overgrown child who messed up his way out of his own home.” SadderOlderWiser
19. AITJ For Not Wanting To Name My Son After My Wife's Father?
“We have two daughters together. One is named after my wife’s mom and grandma. Now the first blood-born boy grandson on both sides and she says it’s only fair to name him after her dad because he will have my dad’s last name so it’s fair.
My personal opinion is that’s not my dad’s last name it’s mine. I get where she’s coming from but that’s not fair to name him after her dad and not mine as well.
Not to mention he already has a grandson from her adopted sister who is named after my wife’s dad.
But I’m being told he’s not blood so that doesn’t matter. That they won’t have the same relationship as my son will. Also note I have 3 brothers, so according to my wife, my dad will have other grandsons they can name after him.
I’d much prefer to name my son his own unique name.
I’m so fed up with arguing over my son’s name that the excitement from having a boy (which I’ve really wanted for a long time) has completely faded and I honestly could care less at this point and I’m not speaking to my wife at this current moment.
I’ve been told by her that she’s the one going through the pain so she should get a say in the child’s name, and that sent me over the edge. So am I the jerk here for not wanting to name my son after my wife’s father?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ names need two yeses. Another grandchild with the same name rules that name out, except as a second name. It is downright nasty of her to talk like that about her nephew and it sounds like maybe she is not thinking very clearly right now – is she insecure and hoping to win approval?
Do you have a good relationship with your in-laws? Talk with your wife first about what you will ask as knowing they will know may make her think again – but do they also feel their adopted grandchild does not count, and do they want two grandchildren with the same name?” SoIFeltDizzy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The child’s name, when two parents are involved, is a two-yeses-one-no thing. You get to veto a name you don’t want, and she does too. There are enough names that two people who love each other should be able to find one they can agree on.
All the arguments about it (on both sides) sound stupid, honestly. There are so many other things you both will have to work out, start with a name you both love. It’s a bit hard to believe you already have two children together.” Tangerine_Bouquet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. NTJ. NTJ!!! First of all, her argument on the baby having your father’s last name, you are 100% correct that it is your last name period. Second, by allowing your son to be named after her dad, you are putting your son in the middle of a dangerous issue, whether adopted children are truly family (they are!!).
This could seriously cause problems with her sister and nephew and that is not fair to your son. His name should not be a source of tension. Give him a unique name. He is his own person!!!” yourshaddow3
18. AITJ For Letting My Daughter Quit Her AAU Basketball Team After A Toxic Incident?
“My (16f) daughter Zoe loves basketball. She plays on her HS team and does AAU in the off-season.
Most of her HS teammates are on her AAU team.
Zoe came to me yesterday stating that she wanted to quit AAU. I knew she was having issues with some of the girls but she said last weekend’s game made her realize that she just doesn’t want to play with the AAU team anymore.
It’s too much drama and it’s making her not want to play anymore.
I called her father (who was at work), she spoke to him and then afterward she told me that she definitely wants to quit. I contacted the coach and thanked her for the opportunity of letting Zoe play on the team but at this time Zoe would be taking a break from AAU.
Later on when I spoke with her dad he said I should have made her “tough it out” and she should “push through any issues.” He wasn’t happy that I let her quit. I told him I’m not going to have her miserable.
The issue with last weekend’s game: 3 of the girls snuck out of the hotel room to meet up with #3’s partner and to party. They came back to the hotel room late at night intoxicated banging on Zoe’s door. She got up, looked out the peephole, and didn’t see anyone & went back to bed. They began banging on the door again.
Zoe’s roommate got up and let them in. Zoe’s roommate aggravated from being woken up began to have words with girl #2 that almost turned physical. The next morning all 3 girls plus the partner turned on Zoe and said all this could been avoided if you had just let them in the room the first time.
The coach had to get in between them & then scolded Zoe for not letting them in last night when they first knocked. (The coach is #1’s mom & #3’s aunt, girl #2 is the partner of #1).
My husband and I have had words over this.
He thinks it’s a jerk move to just let her quit. I should have let her push through the season.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I’m of 2 minds on this yet neither paints you badly. 1. Was Dad planning to have a word with the coach or whoever is in charge of these extracurriculars/hotel stays?
If not, his opinion is moot and he just shouldn’t talk about such matters. 2. There is definitely a benefit in teaching our children to stick with things even if they get difficult or stressful. It’s how we, as a society, separate the high achievers from the low achievers (basically).
However, if your daughter is being made to be some kind of pariah for not “answering a door”/allowing shenanigans then she shouldn’t be forced to spend time with that group. There are other ways to ensure your daughter continues her love and enjoyment of sport without having her around bad influences and bad people.” BreakfastAtBoks
Another User Comments:
“In the words of Kenny Rogers, you have to know when to hold them and know when to fold them. And you, as parents, have to TEACH that. So the coaches condone underage drinking and verbal abuse and your husband says your daughter should put up with that?
Lady, you have a husband problem and Zoe has a father problem. Illegal activity that could get Zoe in trouble is absolutely a reason to quit a team! What would have been Dear Hubby’s reaction if the hotel called the cops on underage drinkers? Hmmmmm?
The best gift you can give your child is the ability to know when to fold and get out of a bad situation. If she’d called you from that hotel room and asked you to pick her up to get out of that situation she absolutely would have been justified and I hope BOTH of you would have gone to pick her up.
If Future Zoe has an abusive partner or roommate or teammate and your husband’s answer to that is to suck it up? Forget that noise. NTJ.” KingBretwald
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There’s too much overlap between the AAU team and her HS team for it to be healthy for Zoe.
She’s in a lose-lose situation. If you complain about the inappropriateness of the girls’ behavior and the coach’s response, Zoe will get it on her HS team. Because it’s mostly the same kids. I disagree with your husband. Girls hold grudges and Zoe has to deal with these girls on both teams. She can’t get away from it.
Give her a break from AAU for a while and then ask her if she wants to try out for another team. If she does, it might be worth having a conversation with the new programs director about why Zoe left her old team because these programs communicate with each other and a “problem” player can get labeled.” SubstantialQuit2653
17. AITJ For Telling My SIL That Her Kids Are Why We're Childfree After They Stole Our Keepsakes?
“I can’t decide if I should feel guilty about this or just be angry. Tending toward anger right now but I need a reality check, especially because I’m not a parent. My husband and I are in our late 30s. My family doesn’t care about me being child-free, but my husband’s family has asked pointedly about “time running out” a few times.
My husband is a really sweet man who actually loves kids, and even I find them endearing most of the time. But we don’t think parenting is worth it for us. We have cats.
My sister-in-law has 2 kids, they’re 7 and 9. They are staying with us for a week because they want to visit our city for vacation.
We have a bookcase of keepsakes in the living room. We have flowers from our wedding in resin, I have my granddad’s coin collection, we have trinkets from trips we’ve been on, and other things. 2 shelves worth of stuff. None of it is worth any money, just very sentimental.
Well, today I noticed 2 things missing – our wedding flower and a bracelet from my middle school friend. Obviously, I kind of freaked out and I asked my sister-in-law if she had any idea. Her kids were also there and they looked a little odd so I asked them if they knew anything.
They said no but they looked upset. My sister-in-law got mad and said I can’t accuse her kids of anything. I insisted on looking in their room and I found the things. I asked the kids why they took them and they said they looked cool.
I was really mad but my sister-in-law told them to go down. She told me not to make such a big deal and the kids were scared. I said kids like this are why we’re child-free. She said I crossed a line. I think the kids heard too because they were probably hanging around upstairs and trying to listen in.
But I truly didn’t mean for them to hear.
My husband says I’m right but since we got the stuff back I could have let it go. And not drag him into it.”
Another User Comments:
“They were staying at your house for a week, as guests, because they wanted to visit your city for a vacation.
Your sister-in-law does not get to get mad at you, her host and she does not get to tell you not to make a big deal out of her children stealing your stuff because “it looked cool.” What in the world? If she is displeased with your hospitality for any reason, there are hotels and Airbnbs.
Your really sweet husband, by the way, does not get to complain at you for “dragging him into it” — it’s his family, that’s why they were staying in your home. Saying that you are childfree because there are children like your sister-in-law’s out there doesn’t even rise to the level of an awful thing to say.
If ever there was something not to make such a big deal about, this quip is it. You are NTJ, and maybe they won’t impose on your hospitality again, although I’d be surprised.” Content-Plenty-268
Another User Comments:
“OP, I don’t know the details of your conversation with your sister-in-law.
The facts are that her children took your mementos without your permission. Your sister-in-law was offended apparently by your reprimand of her children and your comment about remaining child-free. It sounds like you were being truthful. Apparently, your sister-in-law does not want to accept your truth.
I suppose as a parent she needs to justify her choices; realistically her choices only need to be correct for her. Ideally, she should respect your choices. Not all choices require peer affirmation. NTJ.” stephnetkin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, guess who won’t be invited back?
1. She should have disciplined her kids for taking something that didn’t belong to them; 2. She should have punished them for lying. What they did was make your point a physical reality. I would not apologize until she realizes points 1 & 2 above and makes her kids make a proper apology, state that stealing and lying were wrong and promising never to do that again, and then ask you what they can do for you to make amends, some task to show remorse.” ConfusedAt63
16. AITJ For Not Wanting To Give Up My Volunteer Spot For My Partner's Ex?
“I (38m) am in a dilemma.
Some history. My partner K (39f) and her ex (40m) split when their daughter L (17f) was 4 years old. K has full custody and her ex has made very little effort to be a part of L’s life in the last 13 years.
In the last 10 years, L’s dad hasn’t even texted Merry Xmas or Happy Birthday to L. Her sweet 16? Nothing. His family (parents and siblings) are always trying to see L and be involved in her life. He did improve a little recently for her recent birthday but has been radio silent for a few months.
I have been with K for almost 2 years. For L’s upcoming senior year, she made captain of her color guard team. This means K and I will be volunteering and helping a lot. We pretty much have to dedicate 12 Saturdays to volunteering for the team.
With the upcoming season, L’s dad wants to be around more and wants to be a parent volunteer. The thing is, each student is only allowed 2 parent volunteers. The reason for this is because there’s limited space at these competitions. It gets pretty crowded if you have ever been to one of these.
So if L’s dad wants to help, I have to give up my spot.
When K told me this, she knew it meant a lot to me to be involved. K wants me there with her, not with her ex. L is conflicted. She’s very kind-hearted and doesn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.
She knows her dad has been a deadbeat but you can’t blame a teenage girl for wanting her dad around. The situation has made L stressed and anxious. She asked if we could take care of it and will be fine with whatever we decide.
K has never prevented her ex from being involved with L so she also doesn’t want to make it seem like her ex can’t see L by telling him he can’t help. K is leaning on telling him to attend the competitions and be in the audience.
K asked me what I wanted to do and my thoughts on the whole thing.
I don’t want to. I think it’s crap that it took this guy 10 years to finally realize he’s neglected his kid for the last 10+ years. Ever since I have been with K, I have been to all but 2 of L’s competitions.
L’s dad has been to one. Not one a year, just ONE. L has been doing color guard throughout all of high school.
I plan to be with K for the rest of my life and that means being in L’s life too. I don’t see L as “my partner’s daughter”, I see her as my own kid too sort of (I say sort of because I’m not actually a parent here) and I’d do anything for her.
On the other hand, it seems like L’s dad has finally come to his senses and wants to be more involved. It’s his kid at the end of the day and I don’t want to be an obstacle. So WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
This is a really tough one and I don’t think anyone is wrong in the situation right now. The ex is a deadbeat so he’s a total jerk for that but he seemingly wants to finally put the effort in (how convenient now that his kid is almost legally an adult: is he planning on helping you and your partner to help pay for college/further education/training for whatever L wants to do after secondary school?).
I would suggest to your partner that she has a chat with L one-on-one to ask what she (L) really prefers for HERSELF, not what she thinks you and K want, not what she thinks her dad wants, or what she thinks you want. I guess she may want to prevent tension between K and her father, but that’s for K and her father to deal with if they end up both going.
I assume that as adults, they should be able to put aside any drama to be involved in this together for L’s sake, if that is what L would want most.
If this is what L wants, you need to be ok to just sit this one out.
Yeah, this guy wasn’t around for 10+ years, BUT L is only 17 and could probably still use her dad in her life for the next 40 years or however long her dad will still have, IF they can form a good relationship. Her dad being involved in this activity now may be the start of those next 40 years of a good relationship, and L would benefit from that more than missing out on that.
Of course, it’s to be seen whether they will build a strong relationship after how her father chose to be AWOL, but you gotta start somewhere.” wandering_salad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As someone who had a father who was not very involved in her life growing up, it meant the world to me that my stepfather always stepped up and coached my teams, and did the volunteering and went to parent-teacher night.
She will be grateful that you treated her like she was your own. I don’t see why the other guy has to volunteer when he can go and watch. Wouldn’t he have to pass a background check to volunteer? And they really can’t afford to have a volunteer who sometimes doesn’t show up.
Having him go and watch is not limiting his ability to be part of his daughter’s life, but it is limiting the possibility of the team being left in the lurch when he doesn’t show up to volunteer.” here4mysteries
Another User Comments:
“He can be a spectator.
He’s not proven himself to be reliable enough to be a committed volunteer. L might end up feeling more disappointed, embarrassed, and abandoned if he commits then doesn’t show up to some or is late and such. I would tell him, “L, K, and I would really love it if you came out and spectated her events, but you haven’t shown consistency when it comes to being an active parent in L’s life.
At this time, we don’t feel comfortable risking having a volunteer who has not proven that he can be reliable as it would be really detrimental to L and her team, as well as your relationship to her, if you don’t show up consistently.” shellbell1920
15. AITJ For Taking A Picture Of A Dog In A Restaurant To Report A Health Code Violation?
“I went to a Chipotle-style restaurant that’s local to my area. I ordered my food, got it, and was going to leave when I noticed a couple that had a dog with them.
It just wasn’t with them, it was on the furniture. This annoys me, it’s indoors at a restaurant which isn’t allowed. While I’m not allergic, my mom and brother have severe pet allergies.
So I took a picture. I didn’t say anything to them, I just took the picture.
I wanted to submit a health code violation to my county and use the picture as proof. I wasn’t going to use it for any other purpose than to submit and document a violation.
They noticed me and asked why I was taking their picture.
I told them. They said they didn’t want their picture used for that. I told them they should have thought about that before. They asked me to delete the picture. I refused. They called me a jerk. I go to leave and one of them follows me out and says I violated their privacy.
I told them I don’t care, I got in my truck and left. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I want to say everyone is wrong due to your tone, but you definitely did not violate their privacy in public. And your problem isn’t at all with them, the problem is the restaurant.
Nobody is going to care about the people with a dog that went into a restaurant that should not allow pets but does. It would have been better to complain to management at the restaurant first, assuming this wasn’t an emergency. (If your family was with you then that would have been a very good reason to make a big deal out of it.)” mlc885
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Not speaking to management first could put the manager’s job in jeopardy. They can’t always see what is going on beyond the counter, especially if it is busy. The county also isn’t going to be able to do anything right then and there, like a manager could by asking them to remove the dog or leave in that moment.
The county will take days, maybe weeks, to look into it. Also, how thorough was the photo? The employees and patron could claim it didn’t happen at their location, especially if it wasn’t brought to anyone’s attention while the dog was still there.” Guilty-Tie164
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The employees weren’t handling the situation, and entitled people bringing pets into stores and restaurants masquerading as service animals has gotten out of control. Health code violation calls are going to have to start increasing to crack down on this behavior. Rarely can employees say anything anyway out of fear of customer complaints and threatened lawsuits.
I’ve personally seen multiple dogs do their business in stores and airports (no, not in the designated dog poo area). Also have seen my fair share of dogs on restaurant furniture, eating from plates at restaurants, and being licked and jumped on by people’s pets at hardware stores.
People need to start keeping their dogs at home.” DED_Inside666
14. AITJ For Refusing To Host Extended Family Due To Past Unfair Treatment?
“I am close with my family and we often vacationed/visited extended family together even as grown adults. Of 5 siblings, my younger sister and I were both married. Each time we traveled to visit family out of town, my sister and her husband would be provided with a bedroom, while my husband and I were given common areas to sleep.
This wasn’t due to seniority of age or relationship length. I was married one year prior to my sister as well as was in a relationship with my husband for several years longer than she was with her husband.
This happened approximately 10 times, not all with the same family but with various vacations.
Fast forward to today, the extended family that put me in a common room every time I visited is coming into town and needs a place to stay. I said since my younger sister was always so kindly accommodated by this family member, she should return the favor and let the extended family stay with her.
All my sisters are saying I’m being a jerk to not make a sacrifice to host, and insane to care where I slept, and that my little sister wasn’t given special treatment and I need to get over it. The only reason I’ve ever been given (beyond “I don’t remember”) is that no one liked my sister’s husband and they wanted him to stay in a room where they didn’t have to hang out with him.
To clarify, my younger sister now has five kids and all my siblings think it would be “easier on everyone” if I let the extended family stay at my house and in my bedroom and I just couch surf at my sister’s while the extended family was in town.
I am admittedly against this because I resent this family member for how she treated me like I was less important or deserving of privacy and also I don’t want to give up my house for 2 weeks especially because I work remotely 2 days a week.
But mostly it’s about the past if I’m being honest. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: Wait wait wait. Are you saying they want you to give up your bed? In your own house? And have YOU stay elsewhere? That’s not how this works.
Honestly, your whole darn family is petty and immature. Housing 5 kids is NOT a casual favor. It’s a big ask and one cannot complain about being housed anywhere for free. You especially do not ask someone to give up their OWN BED. Absolutely to the no. Delulu 100% on their end.
Stand your ground but with a smile.” OhDONCHAknoww
Another User Comments:
“”All my siblings think it would be “easier on everyone” if I let the extended family stay at my house and in my bedroom and I just couch surf at my sister’s while the extended family was in town.” Well it wouldn’t be easier on you, would it?
They are just continuing their behavior from when you visit them. They don’t think you are deserving of your own place or privacy. You are lowest on the totem pole and just expected to accommodate others. They are now so brazen that that they expect to be able to kick you out of your own house too.
Time to grow a spine and not just be unhappy or dislike the family member OP. People like the family member who just rolls over and has no boundaries cause it’s easier for them. And now your putting boundaries is seen as an effort. By the way NTJ, except maybe you’ve been the jerk to yourself all this time.
10 times in common areas? How did you not speak up before?” Ukelele-in-the-rain
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First of all, you are allowed to have your own reasons for not wanting to allow extended family to stay at your house. Second – for them to tell you that they want to kick you out of your own home for 2 weeks for someone else to stay there, I think most people would turn that one down.
This is your home – people don’t tell you what to do in your home, and they don’t kick you out of it. Besides, it was your sister’s choice to have five children, not yours.” bamf1701
13. AITJ For Not Telling My Friend The Exact Deadline For Our Final Essay?
“So my friend, I’ll call Sam, and I are currently in our university finals week of this school year, and there is one class we share. In this class, Sam is convinced the professor dislikes her and is marking her down on her other classwork because of his bias (I don’t know if this is true).
Our final was a minimum 2,100-word essay utilizing the papers and resources discussed throughout the semester, so it isn’t supposed to be a drawn-out research paper with tons of outside sources. We were told about this paper at the beginning of the semester and were advised by the instructor to start it last week because no late submission would be accepted.
I write down the due dates of all of my projects and essays one day early as a way to trick myself into not turning any in late (sometimes it works), and Sam knows this. This has caused Sam to not ask me when things are due because she says she works best under a time crunch, and I’ll usually give her a different day.
While I was working on my essay four days ago, I asked Sam, who was watching a show, if she was going to work on hers. She told me she would start it later and that she would be fine, so I let it go.
The following day I was working on my essay, and I would ask her about her essay, but eventually, she got fed up with my “nagging” and told me to stop asking her about it.
I completed my essay by the deadline I had given myself, June 9th at 11:59 pm, and turned it in.
During all of our other projects for the class, the deadline was 11:59 pm on the due date; however, apparently, for the final, the due date was 11:00 am on June 10th. Sam had planned on cramming her paper during the 10th, but since she is a late sleeper, she didn’t wake up until well past 11:00 am, causing her to miss the turn-in time.
When she woke up she realized that she had missed the time and got super upset. The final essay is worth 25% of our total grade, and since it will be going in as a zero she will likely either fail or barely pass the class because of her current grade.
She asked me if I knew about the 11:00 am deadline and I told her that I had forgotten about it, but she didn’t believe me. She told me that it was my fault that she was going to fail and that I should have told her the turn-in time because the professor would have found any excuse to knock down her grade.
In fairness, the turn-in time is explicitly stated in the Word instructions document the professor shared, but I had changed the due date and time on my copy as soon as I got it. On our University’s classes website (we don’t use Canvas, but something similar), you can find the time the submission page closes, so I could have found the official turn-in time and told her.
So AITJ for not telling her the turn-in deadline for the paper?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like nothing is your friend’s fault, in her mind. The teacher has it out for her is why her grades aren’t up there, and you didn’t tell her about a deadline she was made aware of same as you is why she’s failing her class?
She had all the same information as any other student. She chose to put it off until the last minute and she slept in too late to complete it during that ‘crunch time’. She needs to put as much effort into her studies as she’s putting into finding scapegoats.” WardsbackPoet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I am incredibly grateful to my classmates in my program who’ve been so patient with me and my ADHD-ness and considerate of me that they’ve reminded me of due dates and pending work. I’m grateful because this isn’t their responsibility. I imagine the professor put 11 am as the deadline so they could start grading at noon to be able to get the grading done in time.
Still, this is on your friend.” lejosdecasa
Another User Comments:
“So you reminded her MULTIPLE TIMES the paper was due soon and even reminded her of the date but because you honestly forgot the hour it was due by it’s your fault she didn’t get her work done on time because she couldn’t bother to set an alarm?… Criminy.
Like you, I always got work done BEFORE the due date so I wouldn’t know the hour it was due either because it doesn’t matter if you get it done early. NTJ and your friend is being ridiculous. She is an adult and getting her work done on time is HER responsibility.” KimB-booksncats-11
12. AITJ For Prioritizing My Close Friend Over My Pregnant Sister Financially?
“Basically, I, 21M, had a pretty rough childhood. I was the youngest of 4, and while my older siblings also had it rough, they tended to take their anger out on me. I don’t blame them for it necessarily, they were kids in a difficult situation and I was an easy target but that doesn’t mean I’m totally over it.
I was lucky enough to meet my close friends Jake and Ben, when I was 7, and became very close to them in our early teens, which was when I started gravitating towards their families and staying away from my own. I don’t want to say I replaced my siblings, but I definitely deem Jake and Ben my priorities.
My sister, Sasha, 25F, is in a rough spot right now, she has a kid on the way and her choice is essentially between me and my parents, which I feel for her, I do. But I’m 21, I’m just not in the financial position to support 2 people, and Ben needs me right now (he lost his job and I’m covering tuition for the both of us at the moment).
I told Sasha the truth, that I’d try but Ben is my priority right now. She called me a jerk and said I’m punishing an innocent for her and our parents’ mistakes. I wouldn’t feel so guilty if it wasn’t for my little niece/nephew.
But, I’ve moved on with my life, I don’t want to get sucked back in. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Family isn’t only blood members. Family is who you can count on and that can count on you too. Family is emotionally and sometimes financially supportive of each other.
When you’re with family you feel good and you can be anywhere doing anything and you feel a sense of comfort. It’s very sad and difficult when it isn’t that way with blood members but if you’re lucky enough to have that with other people then just roll with it.” cherryblossom1994
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and please realize your sister’s words are meant to make you defensive and feel wrong. Talk to a counselor but don’t allow her to manipulate you. The “innocent” has a father, doesn’t it? Why should you pony up? Get your education and continue being tight with your friends.
You can’t choose your family, but you can certainly ignore them.” Ok_Homework8692
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister is not owed anything by you. She made a demand, you said no and she got nasty about it when you said you had other priorities.
You aren’t punishing anyone: not your sister and not her baby. You are making choices about what is important in your life and that is FULLY your right to do. Sounds like Jake and Ben were there for you when you needed them. You want to be there for Ben.
That’s what friendship, true friendship, looks like. That’s when friends become family. I have a friend like that. She has become my sister. I can literally call her at 3 am and she is there for me … and I for her. I think you’re really lucky if you have people like that in your life even if you don’t have the family drama you have to deal with.” ThealaSildorian
She'll get over it. If not, at least it'll be quiet
11. AITJ For Considering Reporting A Janitor Who Took My Child's Lost GPS Watch Home?
“We recently got my young child a GPS watch.
All went well until about a week later they left it at school on the floor by their desk when they went home. We figured we would retrieve it from the lost and found the next day.
Then at 9 pm, the watch notified us it was leaving school.
We watched it drive down the freeway past where we live.
I got in my vehicle and followed it until it stopped at a house. I showed up 5 minutes later. It was a small, well-kept home. I rang the doorbell and a mid-50-year-old man answered. I explained I was looking for a lost watch and he looked confused. I explained it left the school and came to his house and he blurted out his wife worked at the school as a janitor.
He went to go get her.
2 minutes later a mid-50-year-old woman appeared and handed back the watch apologizing over and over again profusely while crying.
If I report the incident to the school she will likely be fired. The economy in our area right now is very rough and jobs are hard to come by.
WIBTJ for getting a janitor fired?”
Another User Comments:
“Dude, it’s your behavior here that’s of concern. You have no evidence, at all, that the janitor stole the watch. Absolutely none. For all you know, she found something of some value (these watches start at about $39 on Amazon) lying on the floor and brought it home with the intent of returning it to the principal/lost and found/whatever the next day.
You make a report using the word “stole” and, IMHO, you’re slandering this woman.
But beyond that, let’s take a deeper look at your behavior. You drive to a stranger’s home after 9 at night (I would love to know what time you actually got there), and knock on her door talking about a kid’s watch.
This is just weird, stalker-ish behavior to me. You certainly could have waited until the next morning, and if the watch wasn’t returned, called the school. You seem to take the janitor’s crying as a sign of her guilt. I take it as a sign that she may have been upset that a stranger is showing up at her door at night, and that she’s upset that perhaps people are angry at her, or that she made the wrong call in bringing the watch home for safekeeping.
But go ahead. Call the principal. Because if I were her, you know what my response would be? 1. Bobby is no longer allowed to bring expensive electronics to school: he is incapable of caring for them. 2. STOP STALKING MY EMPLOYEES. YTJ.” Active-Anteater1884
Another User Comments:
“Your child LEFT the watch on the floor – the woman picked it up and took it home. You don’t know if she planned to keep it or turn it in the next day. “Tried to steal” is a bit much – she picked up something left behind on the floor.
To cause someone to lose their job because of this would be hurting someone because of YOUR son’s failure to care for an expensive watch.” omeomi24
Another User Comments:
“I would personally not report it – not because it is not the right thing to do or that she knew better – but some of the opinions here are really good.
Like she may not have been able to access the offices and thus held onto it. But the main reason is that being a school janitor is really a thankless job – and they do and put up with a lot. This does not excuse this, if it was truly theft, that is unforgivable, but there are so many what-ifs here that I would let it be.
If you hear from other parents down the road that their kids’ stuff is missing etc – that changes the calculus and I would then report it.” positmatt
10. AITJ For Wanting To Uninvite Friends Who Won't Join Our Water Park Trip?
“I have 10 water park tickets and we’ve invited ten people to go to the park and get an Airbnb to split together for three days.
I invited our couple-friends and they took some time to think about it and eventually said “We are down, but we are good on the amusement parks.
(Spouse) has been wanting to see the historical stuff and I’m digging some aquarium action.”
Now I want to uninvite them because:
1. They won’t be buying one of the tickets I already have, meaning I’ll be inviting two more people bringing the group to 12.
2. I think it’ll be weird to link up with them after a full day if everyone else is enjoying the park as a friend group (not awkward just kind of weird)
3. I’ll have to look for a bigger Airbnb that could raise the price per person (not 100% sure yet)
My doubts come from:
1. I could be overreacting to the severity of the idea that someone wouldn’t join the rest of the friends in the adventure specifically intended to go to a water park
2. They’d still pay part of the Airbnb cost even though they won’t be going on day adventures with the crew.”
Another User Comments:
“I’d say NTJ. You need to clarify the situation with them regarding the accommodation and the tickets though. I’d focus on the financial side of things rather than the vibes – it’s going to cost you X and everyone else Y if they don’t buy the tickets.
If they want a couples holiday then they should just go on one rather than doing a group trip without joining the main activities.” GhostPantherNiall
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. It depends on how the original invite was worded. Assuming the water park was clearly laid out as the reason for the trip, it is totally fine to let them know they can’t come.
“Thanks for getting back to me. Unfortunately, the Airbnb only accommodates 10 people, and everyone joining is coming along to the waterpark, or else I would have to eat the price of the unused tickets on my own. If you guys aren’t coming to the park, I need to offer the tickets and the room to someone else.
Sorry it didn’t work out – we will have to make non-waterpark plans together in the future!!” That being said, if you do see an Airbnb that accommodates 12 without raising your price, then I would just do that. They are close enough friends that you want to spend the weekend with them.
That hasn’t changed. It really won’t matter to you at all that they spent the day doing something else. If anything, they will be the ones left out of some funny stories at the end of the day. Not your problem.” ImaginaryAnts
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, for the time being at least. You offered an opportunity for a waterpark trip, they countered with their idea. The issue would arise if you are rude in your uninvitation, or if they react poorly to your uninvitation. If you explain that the waterpark is an integral part of the invitation and that if they choose not to go to the waterpark, then they are declining the trip, without attacking them or insulting them, then you wouldn’t be the jerk.
If they accept your uninvitation with grace and do not demand that you include them, then they would also not be the jerks. But as of right now, there are no jerks. Hopefully it stays that way.” DrTeethPhD
If there's a price for the tickets then it becomes an issue. If you somehow got them for free it shouldn't be a big deal because you aren't out of pocket for them so there's really no need to be reimbursed for them. As long as the couple who wants to do other things understands that everyone else is going to the park AND they pay their fair share of the airB&B and all the expenses that come with it, there shouldn't be a problem.
They'll also have to understand that their adventures to the aquarium and historical stuff may not be as physically taxing as the waterpark, so you and the other park goers may be more tired and not up to additional nighttime activities.
9. AITJ For Not Paying Full Price For A Friend's Product After Doing Part Of The Work?
“I (33f) have worked with M (41F) for a little over 3 years.
M decided to start a business on the side. She sells body cream, lotions, washes, etc. Being that M and I have grown somewhat close over the last 3 years, I wanted to support her and buy a few items. They were a bit overpriced in my opinion, but I still bought them since she was just getting started. Turns out the products are amazing and I really love them.
A few months passed and I was running low. I asked her about purchasing some more to which she says she doesn’t have any in stock and will have to wait until her supplies come in. I asked for a guesstimation on time so I know when to ask again.
She doesn’t have one. A few weeks pass and I ask again. Same story, she doesn’t have any, supplier, etc. At that point, I stop asking.
A few months have passed since then. Recently, the conversation came up in passing and she says she has the product now and if I still wanted some I could get it.
I say sure. Here is where the issue begins. She tells me, she has the product, but no containers. She wants me to clean my containers, sanitize them, remove the labels, and then bring them to her to refill. I was a little taken aback since I was under the impression I would be getting the same service I got back when I first purchased not having to do work and pay for the product.
I clarify with her that she wants me to do all this, she says yes, and we switch topics. I go home and do just as she asked. Clean, sanitize, and remove labels. I bring them back to her and she fills the jars.
She asks about payment and I cashapp it to her, but I don’t send her the full payment since she had me doing most of the work.
The price was $50 and I paid her $45. So, it’s not a huge difference I took off. She texts me immediately and asks for the rest of the money. I reminded her of the work she wanted me to do beforehand and how it’s not fair to charge full price when she’s not giving full service.
She started calling me over and over yelling at me and telling me to send her the rest of the money. I told her I would not be doing that, because even at Starbucks if you bring your own cup, they take money off your order.
She wasn’t having it and continued to yell at me demanding I send her the rest of the money. I declined and hung up. I have since ignored her calls and texts which are not very nice, and work life has been awkward. She goes out of her way to avoid me and is telling people at work how I tricked her out of her hard-earned money and how I’m a jerk.
So, AITJ for not paying?”
Another User Comments:
“Definitely YTJ. Yes maybe a very small discount is warranted if you supply the container, but shouldn’t be expected. Though it’s also possible she never charged for the container in the first place. If you didn’t want to pay full price because you’re doing ‘all the work’, you should have said so beforehand.
Instead, you got the product, then made up your amounts to keep and underpaid without even saying anything to her. You’re paying for the lotion, not the containers. And 33% is a huge amount.” bunsburner1
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If you wanted a discount for doing the work, ask beforehand.
You don’t take the product and then pay less and explain why – it doesn’t work like that. Also, makers and entrepreneurs generally have thin margins. So you really couldn’t shell out $5 even though you had to sanitize and whatever? If these products are amazing, you’re supporting your friend.
Is $5 worth arguing over and possibly straining a friendship?” archetyping101
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You decided to support your friend’s new business, which is great, but then you pulled a fast one on her. Cleaning a few containers and peeling off labels isn’t exactly hard labor.
You agreed to her terms without a peep about wanting a discount, then decided to dock her pay like you’re some kind of boss. A $5 difference might not seem huge to you, but for someone just starting out, it matters. And comparing yourself to a Starbucks cup discount?
Come on, that’s a stretch. If you had an issue with the price, you should have discussed it upfront instead of blindsiding her and causing drama. Now you’ve made work awkward for both of you. Next time, either pay what you owe or negotiate before agreeing to a deal. This isn’t how you treat a friend or support a small business.” Umiel
The only reason I say YTA is that you could have handled it differently. Pay the full amount and then don't use her product anymore, same as you would if it was anyone else. That would have avoided the hard feelings.
Otherwise, ESH.
8. AITJ For Buying My Wife A Refurbished MacBook For Her Birthday?
“I (36m) am married to my wife (35F) who just turned 35 yesterday.
My wife’s former MacBook broke like a week before her birthday, so I got her a new one for her birthday. I also got her some jewelry she likes.
When I was ordering the Mac, I was on Best Buy, looking for new ones, but then I saw refurbs for like 400 ish cheaper.
So of course I ordered one. When I gave her her gift, she asked if it was used/refurbished because the serial number started with F. When I told her yes, she just said “Really?” and left it at that.
Now I kind of feel bad, and my wife doesn’t seem to be too satisfied with the gift, so I’m asking if I’m the jerk.
My friends made jokes about me being “cheap.” Money wasn’t really an issue but I had a chance to save money, so why not?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here — however, if as you say “money was not an issue” you should definitely think twice before buying a refurbished product for your wife’s birthday.
Finding out your wife was trying to save money on your gift can be really hurtful unless you’re both strapped for cash. Unless they’ve explicitly told you they just want a refurbished one, it can come across as uncaring. Would you have bought her jewelry from the thrift store?
I’d be curious to know if you’ve bought her secondhand gifts before to “save money.”” WongBal
Another User Comments:
“If it were just replacing the MacBook as a household expense, I would say NTJ because refurbished devices can be a bargain, and why not save money if you can?
(But they can also have a shorter product life and have more issues, so I hope you tested it and got a warranty, otherwise, it’s just kicking the can down the road.) But because it was her birthday, I’m gonna say mild YTJ (although her passive-aggressive reaction wasn’t great).
There is a different expectation for birthday gifts – feeling special, feeling celebrated, and bargain hunting for a used birthday gift when you comfortably had the means to buy new probably took the shine off it and made her feel unappreciated, and like you thought she wasn’t worth spending the money on.
It’s the thought that counts and the thought was “I think it’s more important to save money I don’t need than to splurge a little on a treat for your special day”. I think you should have a conversation, to see if this is about an emotional need that’s going unmet.” Nerdy-Babygirl
Another User Comments:
“Refurb Macs are not used computers. They are repaired and restored machines that were produced with a defect. They enjoy the same warranty, and they are as good as new because they are. It’s not returns or restored machines taken away for warranty.
New casing, new screen, they are indistinguishable from a new machine. I also used refurbs many times in my life, never a problem. Your wife seems to be upset about you saving money, not about a machine. It’s concerning. NTJ.” quick_justice
7. AITJ For Being Upset My Family Ate My Partner's Cake Without Permission?
“I (18f) live with my dad (50m), mom (49f), and brother (10m). For context, I spent hours making a cake for my partner (18m) as a present. It was the best cake I have ever made and I was extremely proud of it. When I made it I told my family to not eat it and to ask me if they wanted some.
I mentioned it multiple times and they all agreed and promised they wouldn’t. This was a very important cake to me and since it was technically my partner’s, I didn’t want them eating it without permission.
When I gave my partner the cake he loved it and it was a really nice moment.
Fast forward to today (a day later), I was still telling them to not eat it. I had decided to go to my partner’s house and hang out there today, I trusted my family to leave the cake alone as they knew how much it meant to me and they told me they would leave it alone.
My partner and I had a good day but when I had gotten home I realized a whole chunk of the cake was gone. I got upset because the part they had eaten was the part with his name (that was the part I specifically saved for him).
I went to my brother and dad and I asked them if they had eaten it and my brother told me that he had licked the frosting off part of it. So basically the cake part was just thrown away or someone else ate it.
I got upset and said that he should have asked me, but my dad got defensive and said that it was my fault for keeping it here and that if it was my partner’s I should have taken it to his house. I said that I was just mad because I had told them specifically to ask me and they still didn’t listen.
He started yelling at me and calling me rude and selfish and saying I was being overdramatic. I told him I wasn’t and that I was allowed to be upset, but then my mom yelled at me and was asking what was going on and when I told her she said it was stupid and I was being overdramatic and said I was choosing my partner over my family.
I feel like they should have understood why I was upset and not have eaten it without asking in the first place but I don’t know AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Hi OP! I’m not sure why everyone on here is quick to invalidate your experience but I think you’re NTJ.
You had the foresight to anticipate that your family might eat it, so you told them not to, which imo should have been enough precaution. Your family are the jerks for AGREEING to not eat your cake and proceeding to eat it. Doesn’t matter that you didn’t bring it or what.
If they couldn’t control themselves, then they should have said so in the first place so that you could have done something about it.” AromaticCarbons
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You made it for your partner, made a huge deal about it being his present, yet it’s still in your fridge?
I was ready to defend you if the family had eaten it before the birthday celebration, but since it’s already cut and still in your family’s fridge, I don’t really blame them for eating it.” Best_System_2927
Another User Comments:
“Eh NTJ.
But I’ve found once something is cut people tend to think it’s available. A ten-year-old licking the frosting is totally gross though. My sister’s in-laws’ kids would put their hands all over everything at cookouts. We stopped eating when they showed up. I have a huge family and that was a big no-no. Take it as a lesson learned and bring it to your partner’s next time.
Family drama over food shouldn’t be a thing.” Delicious_Spinach440
The only thing that might excuse them is if you made the cake from family food supplies, in which case I hope you had permission to use the cake ingredients. But then if that was how they saw it, they should have mentioned this at the time.
6. AITJ For Taking All My Dates To The Same Sushi Restaurant?
“I have a thing for sushi, and it’s sort of become a tradition for me to take any woman I meet out for sushi.
My ex found out about this habit of mine, and she started subtweeting about it, implying that these new women are just replacements for her.
While I understand her perspective, I genuinely enjoy sushi and don’t see it as a replacement thing. It’s just a preference of mine.
But now I’m questioning if I’m unintentionally sending the wrong message or if I should change my approach to avoid any hurt feelings.
Am I being insensitive or inconsiderate by sticking to my sushi tradition, or should I consider altering my dates to avoid comparisons?
Would love to hear your thoughts on this!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sushi is worth keeping in your life, the ex was not. You do not need to care that your ex is jealous. “Implying that these new women are just replacements for her.” Replacements is fine, but call them Improvements or Upgrades.
Trading in for something better is a good habit. With sushi, there is no need for that. Feel free to share this wisdom with your ex.” Excellent-Count4009
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Some people blow stuff way out of proportion and see red flags everywhere. You do not seem like a jerk.
However, okay, one little caveat. You are describing your sushi dates as a habit and yes, good food is great, but if your “habits” are becoming a bit stale and always the same and you go through different people in the same place… maybe you are actually not doing yourself a favor.
Because that does make it easier to see the person you are sitting across to as replaceable or the next “candidate” lol. It sounds kind of unenjoyable to me. Maybe switch it out and see about doing something special with a new person, something you put some effort into.
Yes, sort of for her, but more for you, because the more effort you put into something the more you value it and maybe that makes the whole experience better than just some good food you enjoy.” stainsofpeach
Another User Comments:
“NTJ as long as you’re genuine with your date and don’t pretend it’s your first time at that restaurant every time you eat there.
I worked at a bar where we had a guy come in several times a week with different women, always pretending it was his first time there. He had a schtick where he would ask to taste all the wines by the glass every time he came in as a way of “impressing” his date.
Don’t be that guy. Do go out for sushi. I hope you find someone who loves sushi as much as you do.” Affectionate_Big8239
5. AITJ For Sending A Fruit Basket Instead Of An Item From The Wedding Registry?
“My husband and I have big extended families, large social circles, he has tons of work friends and we both have a lot of family friends so we get invited to A LOT of weddings.
We are genuinely happy for everyone but unless it’s someone we’re very close to, we respectfully decline.
My go-to gift is to send the couple a fruit basket with champagne with a note that says unfortunately we can’t make it but will be cheering you from afar.
This is exactly what I did for a work friend of my husband; they no longer work together.
I had only met him and his partner a handful of times a few years ago.
She proceeded to text me after receiving the gift.. not to thank me but to say how disappointed they were we couldn’t make it and sent a link to her wedding registry.
I was telling one of my friends and she thought that’s totally responsible and if I’m going to send a gift it should be from the registry.”
Another User Comments:
“If you’re the jerk, then I poop pink fluffy unicorns that smell like daffodils.
NTJ. Your friend is wrong. You don’t need to buy anything off the registry unless it’s someone close or you are attending, but still at your discretion. You don’t even have to get them a gift.” kickrocks2958
Another User Comments:
“Your friend is incorrect. Buying off the registry is a suggestion, not mandatory.
It’s difficult to think of a gift-giving situation in which the recipient gets to dictate the gift without exception. In this case, sending a gift basket when you don’t even attend — how lovely and generous of you. The bride sending you that link was rude and grabby.
Please ignore. NTJ.” Nester1953
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But, I think it’s entirely possible you’re throwing money away for many of these situations if people don’t like/want a fruit and champagne basket. And I’m guessing it’s not cheap! I probably wouldn’t bother sending anything if we didn’t attend (unless it was someone we were close to) but if you did want to send something, might be easiest to stick with the registry.” SpeechIll6025
4. AITJ For Wanting To Set Boundaries With My Overly Dependent Friend?
“I (23F) have a friend (23F), let’s call her “Jane,” who has a toddler named “Sam.” We’ve been friends for at least half of our lives.
I’ve been there for her through thick and thin. Her parents never prepared Jane to be an adult. Jane tends to get herself into tough situations and then asks for help to get out. She buys things she can’t afford, can’t keep her house clean, do her own taxes.
She is very emotionally dependent on me.
Her baby daddy, let’s call him Richard is a man-child. He never seemed to grow up and would leave Jane and Sam anytime he and Jane had a fight. He was very neglectful of Sam. I can’t give specific examples, but it was enraging.
When they were breaking up, I helped with everything—figuring out a plan, managing her finances.
For the last year, it feels like I’ve been Sam’s 3rd parent, Jane’s parent, and Jane’s partner all at the same time. I love Sam, but I can’t take care of a toddler anymore.
I have my own physical and mental health issues. But I keep getting asked to come over to hang out, pick Sam up from daycare, give advice, and help clean her house (no matter how often I help, it gets dirty again, think borderline hoarder).
I can’t do it anymore. I’m exhausted.
I was going to take a break from our friendship because when I’ve set boundaries in the past, they weren’t respected, she never listened to my advice, needed more and more from me, and I just couldn’t watch it happen anymore.
But I couldn’t bring myself to do it. We were talking, and I felt like I had my best friend back. I had a short conversation with her where I stated I needed space, and if there was an emergency, then I could help with Sam.
She was nice about it, and it felt like our friendship was back to normal.
But now, a week later, she’s back to asking me to pick Sam up daily because she had to work late. I am the first person she reaches out to instead of Richard or her other family members.
Sam stays with her full-time, but Richard watches her a few days a week. I have told her no and made excuses, which were partially true, but now she’s back to not respecting my boundaries.
I feel like I’m being a jerk because I’m not helping her.
My partner has told me that I need to focus on myself, but I feel like his opinion might be biased because he doesn’t like Jane and thinks she takes advantage of me. He has mentioned that she never pays me back, which is partially true, as instead, she buys gifts that I really don’t need and ask her not to get.
He tells me that she’s not a real friend because she leans on me for things she needs to handle herself. He has also threatened to call CPS on her because of the mess in her house.
I’m not sure if I’m the jerk or not and really need advice on if I should put my issues aside and support her, or if I should separate myself from her for the time being.
Please help.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s never a jerk move to prioritize yourself. I know it may be uncomfortable to set and enforce boundaries, but it’s worth it! Jane may end up getting upset or calling you selfish, etc. but your mental health is so much more important.
Jane is an adult and unfortunately for those who care a lot about her, will need to learn to figure it out herself eventually.” midwest-honey
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but you would be if you didn’t communicate everything to Jane and you also need to learn the word NO…
where is her family?? Can you contact them?? If things get much worse, I hate to say it you might need to contact CPS if Sam isn’t getting the care they need. Your partner is right that Jane is taking advantage of you and your friendship.” Lunar-Eclipse0204
Another User Comments:
“I had a Jane of my own. She purposefully got pregnant knowing if she was, her parents would pay her way. She expected me to do everything for her and her baby daddy as the “godmother”. Once the baby was born, I tried my best to keep helping her but it felt like nothing I did was enough and she always needed more help.
Babysitting, money (that she would just spend on unnecessary items), cleaning her disgusting house full of dog feces because she neglects her animals, etc. I tried setting some boundaries and her mother attacked me for “not following through with my promise to help her”. I was 21, and in college and working full time.
This girl hadn’t had a job in years and lived off of her friends and her parents. Eventually, I ended the friendship because, on top of all of this, she just wasn’t a good person. Of course her response was “you never deserved to be in my or my children’s lives anyways.” Separate yourself, heal, and move on.
I haven’t spoken to her in years and my life and mental health genuinely improved almost immediately. From what I’ve heard, she had 2 more kids with her baby daddy, he still barely works, she doesn’t work at all and her parents still pay most of their bills.” CoarseSalted
3. AITJ For Not Wanting To Replace My Partner's Phone I Accidentally Damaged?
“I (22F) and my partner (25M) were having breakfast at my apartment yesterday when I accidentally knocked over my latte and it spilled all over his phone, which was lying on the bar. We quickly dried it off and stuck it in rice overnight.
Today we turned it back on and it is still saying liquid in charging port; the speakers also sound muffled. My partner said he will take it to the Apple Store, and he’ll let me know how much they charge to fix it if they can.
If they can’t fix it, he asked me to pay for a replacement.
Don’t get me wrong, I understand that even though it was a total accident, I was the one who spilled the coffee. But I think it’s relevant to point out that my partner makes more income than me and has a considerable amount in savings/investments (think high five figures), while I am still paying off school debt and saving next to nothing, which he knows.
Because our financial situations are so different, I think it’s kind of unfair of him to expect me to cover the cost of a new phone. When he asked me to pay for a replacement, I was uncomfortable and didn’t know how to reply; I ended up saying that I didn’t know if I could afford that and asking if he could pay for it himself.
He got offended and said that he wasn’t the one who broke it, and if he damaged one of my possessions, he would immediately pay to fix it or replace it.
Now he’s at the Apple Store. Maybe they can fix it, but I know his warranty has expired so I’m stressed that even if they do fix it, it will still be hundreds of dollars.
Or even more than that for a new phone. I’m already not in a great financial position, and this would be a much bigger deal for me than it would be for him.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your financial difficulties aren’t his problem.
You damaged his phone. You should pay something to help fix it. I’m not saying the whole thing but you should pay something. Using the “he makes more income” isn’t fair. That’s setting him up for a lifetime worth of “you make more income you should pay” arguments.
Look at it from his perspective. You broke his phone and are now unwilling to help pay/fix the situation. I don’t wanna say looks gold digging but you are actively trying to get out of a financial obligation because he makes more than you…” WebAcceptable7932
Another User Comments:
“I would hope that if the phone isn’t repairable, the two of you could come to some sort of an agreement (a replacement phone that isn’t new but is of similar age/condition, or pro-rate the cost of a new phone based on its age, etc.).
Of course it would be stressful to have to pay for a new phone on a limited income. But you did damage the phone. If you hit someone’s car, would you expect them to absorb the cost of repairs because you don’t have the money to pay for it?
YTJ.” tinyd71
Another User Comments:
“YTJ if you expect to pay nothing but you shouldn’t need to buy him a brand new phone. Same model and capacity from a reputable second-hand dealer should be fine. iPhones have been water resistant since the iPhone 7. How old and how damaged/cracked was this phone exactly?
If he expects a brand new phone then you should only need to pay the current second-hand market rate for a phone in similar condition. That’s reasonable. Him expecting a free upgrade is not. Apple store? Most likely any repair shop could have bathed the phone in IPA and told you if it’s fixable much cheaper than money grApple store.” YepWrongGuy
2. AITJ For Not Correcting My Daughter's Friend When She Refers To Her Step And Half Siblings?
“My daughter Arya (13f) has been best friends with Lilah (13f) since they went to the same preschool together. They’re always spending time together and have a bigger group of friends but have known each other the longest and are the closest with each other.
Lilah’s family situation is a little difficult. And her mom went a little crazy on me last week which led to a conflict.
To sum up the current problem. Lilah has a blended family. It’s her mom, her stepdad, some stepsiblings, and some half-siblings. Lilah has expressed that she doesn’t feel close to them, she always emphasizes that she has no real siblings and that even her half-siblings are just half-siblings and they’re not her dad’s kids too.
I have heard her tell Arya how much it bugs her when people say her step and half-siblings are just siblings. But they don’t talk about it too often.
Lilah’s mother showed up at my house last week and blamed Arya for Lilah’s use of the step and half terms. She said she heard the girls talk about it and them saying step and half-siblings aren’t real siblings.
She said she knows that must have come from Arya because she has been fighting Lilah for years to stop saying step and half. I asked her how that even made sense. She told me Arya must be the source and I told her Lilah says that whether Arya is around or not and she’s wrong to blame Arya for how Lilah feels.
Lilah’s mother then told me I should be watching over the girls whenever they’re in my home or presence and correcting Lilah whenever she uses step, half, or says they’re not her real family. I told Lilah’s mother she couldn’t seriously expect me to listen to them 24/7 so I can correct Lilah and it’s too much for her to expect me to do when her kid is over to play with mine.
She was not happy with me at all. She told me I can’t say Arya isn’t to blame and in the same breath refuse to correct Lilah when she says something wrong. She told me I just want to let them get away with saying stuff and I don’t do enough for Lilah, even though Lilah spends more time at my house than she does her own.
In the same breath, Lilah’s mother said her husband is so sick of Lilah refusing to cooperate there and she needs to be here more so I can correct her.
I told her she really is expecting too much. She told me I was a mean and terrible person.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Though it sounds like you could have a friendly, positive little conspiracy with the girls. I mean if you sit them down and explain to them that if Lilah’s mother thinks you and Arya are a bad influence, then she can stop Lilah from spending time at your house.
However, if she thinks you are a good influence, Lilah may be able to spend more time at your house, and away from what sounds like a rough home situation for her. Maybe she could drop the step/half around her family, but you won’t correct her at yours.
That way she gets a slightly more peaceful home life, and also gets to escape it without getting grief for hanging out with bad influences who don’t try to mandate her feelings.” GandalfDGreenery
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s clearly not your job to parent her child on this matter and it’s patently ridiculous of her to suggest otherwise.
Blaming your child as the ‘source’ of her daughter’s issues is also ridiculous. Might a good friend validate a friend’s feelings on this complex matter? Sure. Could that validation reinforce a particular view? Sure. Does that put your daughter at fault? Nope. Sounds like the mother’s behaving in a very emotionally immature way, which perhaps explains why they have this problem in the first place.” PenaltyAdditional968
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My daughter has a friend just like this (both 14) and her friend probably spends more time at my house than at home as her bio mum and dad have new relationships and she has step and now half-siblings. The friend has expressed how she often feels left out of things in her home as her mum wants to do things with her SO and the new child they have together.
It’s a very tricky situation and all I can do is reassure her that she is always welcome and can treat my house as a safe, relaxed space to spend time if she wants or needs to.” Brutal_De1uxe
1. AITJ For Wanting My Father-In-Law's Locked Toolbox Out Of My House?
“My wife’s parents live far away but often come to visit.
My father-in-law is not a handyman but he likes to do small house projects for my wife when he visits.
In the past when he visits, he has gotten frustrated by not being able to find my tools like screwdrivers and vice grips because they were not put back away properly after I used them.
This is a very legitimate complaint as I sometimes get very frustrated by myself as well. I have a bit of attentiveness ADHD and I often lose tools immediately when I put them down after or even during a project. It’s something I try to work on but it’s a constant struggle for me.
A few weeks back I noticed a new toolbox in our basement with a combination lock on it. At first, my wife told me it was hers, but later I learned that my FIL had gotten some second-hand tools and sent them to my house so he can work on my wife’s projects.
The lock is there specifically to prevent me from opening the toolbox and using the tools—my wife knows the code (or at least she did at one point, she says that she has forgotten it and I believe her on that point).
There was never any point where anyone explained to me that he was sending tools and/or that he wanted them to be kept for his own use on projects.
They just all decided to send this toolbox with a lock to keep me out.
I should mention that my wife’s parents really love their daughter more than anything in the world and are of the idea that she should make all the decisions and I should just do whatever she tells me.
I don’t really begrudge their view but I think this provides some context here.
My initial response was to joke about it but I am really not comfortable with this. I appreciate his concerns and am comfortable saying that I simply won’t use his tools, even if I can’t find my own.
But having a lock there solely to keep me out of a toolbox in my own home feels very disrespectful. I’ve expressed these feelings but both my mother- and father-in-law have told me to get over it, which I think is not an acceptable response.
I am trying to avoid a confrontation and/or bad feelings or to blow this out of proportion. I don’t want him to feel unwelcome or that his handy work isn’t appreciated. But I feel that this lock has to go—either it needs to be removed or the whole toolbox has to be shipped back to my father-in-law’s house.
So WIBTJ to tell my father-in-law that they can’t keep in my house a toolbox that is locked to specifically keep me out?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I have ADHD and I have the same problem with setting things down instead of putting them away.
But you need to step outside yourself and realize something, your FIL is doing you favors, he is doing you MULTIPLE of them. He’s saving you from having to spend all the effort to find and schedule a handyman, from having to pay for said handyman, and from the worry that whoever you hire isn’t going to do a good job and what you’ll do if they don’t do a good job.
This is a lot of money, stress, and executive function tasks he is taking off your plate by being willing to do work for you for free. His one stipulation is “I need to lock my toolbox so I don’t have to schlep my tools back and forth to do all these free jobs for you and so I can be assured that all my tools will be exactly how I left them when I get there” and instead of thinking this is an extremely small and reasonable thing, you have decided to focus on the perceived insult that your protection isn’t good enough.
Just let it go. This is on the level of “why does my teenage daughter have a LOCK on her diary??? Doesn’t she trust me???” In terms of picking things to be mad at. Just let it go.” SheepPup
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. “There was never any point where anyone explained to me that he was sending tools and/or that he wanted them to be kept for his own use on projects.
They just all decided to send this toolbox with a lock to keep me out.” Why does anyone have to talk to you about it? Is your wife not allowed to store something for her father in the basement? Does she not have the freedom to put what she wants down there?
“But having a lock there solely to keep me out of a toolbox in my own home feels very disrespectful.” How so? It’s not your toolbox, so you don’t need to access it anyway. What if you offered a friend to store their bike there, would you be offended if they put a lock on the tires?
If you’re really not going to open the toolbox and it’s not yours, why do you care whether it’s locked or not?” Valkrhae
Another User Comments:
“As someone with ADHD who has similar issues (even with medication), I get it. I really do – that locked toolbox is a reminder of every time someone criticized you for losing something.
And over the course of your life, that’s probably a lot of criticism. But you need to let it go. Accept that your brain is wired differently and that misplacing things, while inordinately frustrating (I have definitely yelled that I hate my broken brain!), is just normal for you.
Accept that your father-in-law can’t possibly understand WHY you leave your tools all over, so he’s created a little safe space for his. You don’t need his tools, so just ignore it. Our brains are different – sometimes in infuriating ways, but sometimes in neat ways.
You’re not lazy, crazy, or stupid.” gothfru
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