People Stand Their Ground On These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
20. AITJ For Complaining About Excessive Noise In My Apartment Building?
“I (16F) live alone in a small apartment (a room, a bathroom, and a very small kitchen).
The building where I live has around 100 such apartments and around 80 of them are occupied. There are often a few parties on the ground floor (I used to live on the first floor but recently shifted to the second floor because I feel uneasy about using lifts/elevators and prefer the stairs).
There hasn’t been much problem with noise even when I lived on the first floor but this year around 15 new residents moved in and they made a lot of noise at the party that was hosted last Sunday.
I’m still a student and was studying during that time.
It threw me off since I had never heard so much noise. I injured one of my ears when I was around 7 and it still hurts due to loud noises. I went downstairs and told the manager politely that I was being disturbed by the noise.
(I was not the only one, around 20 residents weren’t attending the party, including me and they all had the same problem, even the ones that lived on the 4th floor.) The manager told me to use my “noise-canceling earphones/headphones” and I don’t have any.
I argued that I shouldn’t be forced to use them even if I had them since it was basic for them to keep their noise down. Also, it was mentioned that there would be occasional parties when I moved in and when I asked if they would be “loud and noisy”, I was told that they would keep the sound under check so that nobody is disturbed.
The manager (40 F) got very angry when I threatened to call the police (I didn’t but the noise didn’t stop until 2 am the next morning) and is now threatening to “throw me out” since I was disrespectful. I have tried saying sorry and stuff because I cannot afford to move right now.
But now, she has informed the landlord of how I was a “disrespectful little roach” and the rent is being raised. So, I called the landlord and ended up getting angry. What do I do? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You should check your city’s laws with regards to noise, and if your apartment manager is threatening to evict you because you complained about the noise, then you should also consider talking to a lawyer who deals with landlord/tenant issues.” Jaded-Permission-324
19. AITJ For Trying To Kick My Sister Out Of My Apartment For Not Respecting My Space?
“My sister (19F) and I (21F) were close. We fought (as siblings do), but we always got over it pretty quickly. She lived with my parents and I had my apartment with my friend from high school.
We lived an hour apart from each other.
She wanted to take classes to become a CNA, but the classes were in the city I was living in. The class was for 3 months and my mother had the idea of her staying with me during that time.
I thought it made sense and was a good idea, my sister even offered to pay my utilities which was great. I let my roommate know and soon she was all moved in. She stayed in my room and brought an air mattress.
All I asked was that she clean up after herself and put the air mattress under my bed when she got up in the mornings. My room was quite small and the mattress took up a lot of space.
She agreed and all was well for a little over a week until I started noticing she was missing class and sleeping in.
I asked her what was the point of her staying here if she wasn’t going to go. We got into an argument but at the end of it, she said she would start trying to wake up in the mornings.
It eventually got to the point where I had to wake her up every morning because she would sleep through her alarms. She would also leave her trash on my desk, clothes on my floor, and leave the air mattress out.
At first, I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to make her mad and I understand she suffers from depression. But a couple of days later, I saw more trash and an open chip bag. I asked her “Next time can you close the bag and put it up?
They’re going to go stale.” She laughed at me and went back to being on her phone. I was livid. I yelled at her saying I was not going to live like this in my place. And she went to my friend’s room to tell him how I was being rude to her.
She ended up leaving the apartment for the day to hang out with friends and I sent her a text saying we should talk. I was going to tell her that I’d give her one more chance to clean up her act.
When she came back, she automatically assumed I was kicking her out and told me she wasn’t going anywhere and that she was going to stay until she finished her class. This made me mad and I told her I was the one who let her stay in my apartment and I could easily make her leave.
She’s since retreated to my friend’s room and he was nice enough to let her sleep in his room with her for the rest of her class. My roommate said I was being unfair and that he would never kick out one of his family members.
They both refused to talk to me and I think I might have gone about it the wrong way. AITJ for trying to kick my sister out of my apartment?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Is there something going on between your friend and your sister?
You are exactly right that there’s no point in sleeping at your place when she isn’t even going to class. That wouldn’t be a big problem in itself if she at least would respect your place and things. Keeping your room clean is not too much of an ask. As someone who has depression herself.
I understand that it’s hard and while at university I had a hard time going to the classes where my presence wasn’t mandatory. Keeping my place clean was such a struggle BUT never in a million years would I have that affecting my friends and family.
When I was at their place I cleaned after myself and never let them realize how hard it was for me in my place. Because this illness is my problem, not theirs. ” Artedia
Another User Comments:
“Why the heck is your roommate part of this convo?
NTJ, throw her stuff out of your room, lock the door, and congrats, she’s now your roommate’s problem. I would literally tell your roommate that it’s nice for them that they don’t kick out family members but you’d like to sleep in a place that isn’t trashed and you’re not going to let anyone give you attitude while you’re doing someone a favor in the first place.” First-Industry4762
18. AITJ For Reporting My Neighbors Who Refuse To Clean Up After Their Dogs?
“We live in an HOA part of our bylaws is to pick up after pets – do not walk between homes, use side walks to get to common areas, or walk pets. It’s a townhome community. We have neighbors who never pick up after their dogs and walk them in our side yard.
We have asked them many times to pick up their dog’s mess and when we ask them they will go get a bag and pick it up. We’ve seen them on our ring cameras not picking it up and I will just pick it up and ask HOA to send out a reminder.
Today I caught them again walking their dogs in our side yard and both dogs pooping. They walked away I popped my head out ‘ya going to pick it up?’ Silence .. ‘you going to pick up your dog’s mess?’ Silence again.
Asked a little louder and they said ‘No we don’t have to’ Outside I went to confront these jerks. They then say everyone here is a renter (we are not).. who cares if there’s dog poop here it’s no one’s property (again it’s ours with zero cuts through)..
we don’t care if there’s dog poop why do you? My kids play here and who wants dog mess all over their yard? Told them I see them all the time never cleaning up, and if they can’t be adults I’ll contact their landlord (now realizing they are renters).
His partner forced him to pick it up after coming outside after he said he would ‘mess us up’ when my husband stepped in to ask him again to stay out of our side yard if he couldn’t pick up after his dog.
This is a new construction townhome community starting around 350k, we put a lot of savings into buying our first home.
Contacted both HOA and the owner of their townhome, who then put me in contact with their property management company.
Find out they’re not even supposed to have dogs per their lease agreement (oops) and I was assured it would never happen again.
They have 4/5 adults and 4 kids living there. One of the other men in the home (on the lease who got the phone call) came over after work and said it was his sister’s partner, apologized was embarrassed that they would act that way, and said they have an inspection now this week said the partner didn’t even know what an HOA is.
They’re only supposed to have X amount of people on their lease and were now threatened with eviction because of the dogs and more people than stated living there.
Why couldn’t they just pick up after their animals? Walk them on the sidewalks to common areas (dog bag trash cans provided!) or around the pond, even their backyard!
I would never want anyone out of a home but we maintain our home/yard so our kids can play freely without stepping in dog mess. We have a dog, always pick up after her I couldn’t imagine being so entitled to just let her mess be everywhere.
Am I crazy? I don’t know, the man on the lease seemed very nice but was that only because his sister’s partner now put them in a position of eviction? AITJ for contacting their homeowner? Why couldn’t they just pick up after their dogs!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I don’t see how being in a HOA has anything to do with it as the rules they have are the expectation from society when someone owns a dog. If I was you I’d start calling the non-emergency number for your local police and ask for animal control.
Explain the situation to them and tell them you have evidence of the neighbors doing it. Start keeping track of when this happens and every time it does call up animal control. Did the same thing last year for neighbors in our non-HOA suburbs, after the 3rd or 4th call they started giving them fines and even threatened to take their dog away.” God-Bless-Kitties
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Their poor decision-making skills are not your fault. They chose to have dogs. They chose to let the dogs poop wherever. And they chose to leave the poop for other people to deal with. They now have to deal with the repercussions of their decisions.
Aside – wonder if this will be the Wake Up moment for sister?” opine704
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: I am UK and it is the law to pick up after your dog. Most people do but some will not if they are walking on a country trail and think no one is watching.
This is your private grassed area and not a dog toilet. It is also in the middle of a housing area. I don’t care if these were teenagers they are old enough to know not to let dogs foul the area.
It’s their fault for not adhering to your requests and they brought all this upon themselves. Not your concern now.” Delicious-Cut-7911
17. AITJ For Choosing Not To Attend A High School Party Due To Financial And Academic Priorities?
“I’m almost 17 (female), going into senior year of high school (starting September).
The whole senior grade is planning a party out of town a couple of nights before the school year starts. The cost to attend it is very high (2 whole shifts at work).
My best friend, also almost 17f, really wants to go because neither of us has attended any parties in high school so far and wants to experience at least one at some point. Keep in mind that her parents are very strict, and we both are studying for the SAT exam (taking it the day after school starts.) Also let it be known, that I’m very much so not the party type, and prefer low-key hangouts and stuff like that.
I told her that I think I’m not gonna attend this one, and probably will go to the next. She understandably asked why and I explained:
1. It costs a lot of money and this month I already have a lot of expenses going out (I’m buying a camera which has been my dream for like 10 years, and she knows that and the very expensive price) and I can’t allow myself to spend lots more money on this party when I already am investing so much into this purchase.
2. The SAT exam is a couple of days later, and I want to make sure that I spend every last moment making sure I’m ready, and since this party is gonna be a couple of days prior and I probably won’t be home until the middle of the night or early morning, I will have to spend the rest of the next day sleeping because I’ll be tired, and this is messing up with studying (and for the next few days I’ll still be tired).
3. I honestly think that with the type of party-like stuff that my grade has thrown in the past, I won’t enjoy it very much, and right now when I have other priorities I rather do more important things, rather than go to a party I probably won’t enjoy when other important things are going on that are more of a priority for me.
+ Again, I’m not a party person and she knows.
She said that she wanted to have fun, and try partying and that I would be a party-pooper if I didn’t come cause then her parents would never let her go and she’d be scared of creeps in my grade doing anything to her.
I understand the concern 100%, but I believe that right now it’s not a time that I can afford (both financially and mentally) to go to this party. I understand her perspective but she has more friends that she can go with if she wants to go, and I don’t want to limit her from going wherever she wants cause it’s her life and she can live it however she likes.
She replied that she wouldn’t be able to go and said that all of my reasons were excuses I was making to not go, but they genuinely were what I took into consideration when deciding I’d not go. For the rest of the day, she froze me out completely.
AITJ for not wanting to go to this party when I have other things going on and don’t want to go?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No one is obligated to attend a party. Even if your only reason was that you didn’t want to, you have every right to say no. If your friend keeps pressuring you, just tell her no every time.
Don’t argue, don’t try to reason with her, and don’t open the door for conversation or debate. “No, I’m not going, as we’ve already discussed. Next topic.” InappropriateAccess
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Already your way ahead of your friend in making good choices.
They don’t sound like excuses, they sound like basic common sense. Also, these are just parties and are never as fun as your mind thinks they are going to be. If your friend does go, just warn her to ALWAYS get her drink, and always keep her hand over the opening of whatever drink she has.
Even around people she knows. Best of luck with everything, especially the camera! That’s my passion also!!” Less_Ordinary_8516
Another User Comments:
“NTJ she is not your child. You are not responsible for her wants. She can go to the party with someone else or by herself. Don’t be her crutch!
If you do you are a jerk. Up to you. Doormat or not. Your choice. A real friend would not use you in this way or put you in this position. Child or young adult. What are you? She is showing you what she is. ” Proof_Crazy_6632
16. AITJ For Not Wanting To Share My Inherited Apartments With My Aunt?
“I (26F) will inherit half of my grandmother’s apartment in the future, which has led to some family tension. My great-grandmother had a long-term rental apartment (A) from the city after her home was bombed during WWII. My grandparents bought another apartment (B) where my Dad and Aunt grew up.
After my grandfather’s death, my Dad inherited the rental apartment (A) and eventually bought it. I moved into apartment (A) after graduation and invested heavily in its renovation.
Last year, my Dad passed away, and I inherited half of my grandparents’ apartment (B), where my grandma still lives.
Recently, my Aunt called and expressed concern that it’s unfair for me to inherit both apartments, especially since her family will receive nothing. She suggested that I might consider giving up my future share of apartment (B) to her or her children.
I was shocked by her call. I had a difficult childhood with family trauma, including my Dad’s struggles with bipolar disorder and heavy drinking, and my Mom’s lack of support. The properties represent my path to financial security, as I come from a poor country and chose a passion-driven career with bad pay.
I do not know what will happen in the future when my Grandma will pass away, and the flat (B) will be empty. I am sure, the same conversation will happen again with my Aunt because she hasn’t let it go yet.
But I also understand where my Aunt is coming from. She will inherit half an apartment after her parents and grandparents, while I’ll inherit 1.5 apartments in total. I am not sure what happened around the first apartment (A) in the past, my Dad was greedy, so half of that apartment may be hers, but it was a rented apartment, not a bought one, so that also makes the situation more complicated.
It makes me anxious because I love my family and I do not want to ruin the relationship that we have, but also, I do not want to give up the second flat either, because that would help me fulfill my dream and have a secure life.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You do not need to answer your aunt’s request/demand. Who inherits the half of apartment (B) that doesn’t belong to you is up to that owner (your Nan, if I’m reading this right). Neither you nor your aunt get to decide who inherits it.
Since your father bought and paid for an apartment (A), your aunt was not “unfairly” denied anything. If your aunt presses you, tell her that you’ll think about it but that the more she presses you, the more likely you will be not to comply with her demands.
You should decide what to do based on what is best for you.” Individual_Ad_9213
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What you get and inherit in life isn’t fair. You’re not expected to do handouts. I’m not sure how close you are and how involved her family was in securing a healthy upbringing for you, judging from your story family ties matter.
However, you don’t ‘owe’ her anything more than another respectable human being. Perhaps you come from a place where family matters are culturally more important than anything else. Or perhaps you have a kind place in your heart for their children.
You can suggest that you’ll help out their children, or provide the apartment at a cheaper-than-market rental fee if you like to do so. Selling either to compliment your career path is less desirable than renting either of them out, large sums of cash are usually not managed better than steady passive incomes.
In short, you’re NTJ and don’t owe anyone anything. But perhaps, if you care more than you need to, you can think of other ways to be practical to your extended family. That’s a free choice, and should not be an expectation.” SamsUserProfile
Another User Comments:
“Don’t make any decision based on pressure from your aunt. Get legal advice about the apartments to make sure that you are truly the owner of 1.5 of them if you are confused. Make sure you have all the paperwork, wills, whatever to prove you are the owner.
Your aunt has the half that was left to her, you have the half that was left to your father so it does not sound like she was put out of anything. The other apartment was bought outright by your father, so it’s yours if he left it to you.
NTJ But don’t be wobbly about this. If your aunt sees that you are questioning, she will keep pressuring you.” hadMcDofordinner
15. AITJ For Not Wanting My Husband's Autistic Twin Brother To Live With Us?
“My husband and I got married less than a year ago. For most of our relationship, one of our biggest issues and cause of arguments has been his family.
My husband has a large family including half-siblings, he is 1 of 12 children. This includes his twin brother, Sam, who has autism. One of his younger brothers also has autism but is higher functioning.
Previously, before we married, one of my husband’s brothers moved in with us for 8 months.
I knew going into it that it was going to be temporary and therefore okayed it. However, I made clear then that his family members staying with us wasn’t ideal for me.
Both of my husband’s autistic brothers have spent most of their lives living with their grandpa.
However, back in 2018, they decided it was no longer appropriate for Sam to live with their grandpa due to his higher care needs. Sam moved in with their oldest sister and has lived there ever since. Sam is mostly non-verbal and although he has some independence skills, he needs help with everyday tasks and shouldn’t be left home alone for more than an hour.
My SIL’s youngest child left home early last year and she’s now planning to move in with her eldest son and her grandkids. She can only do this if she can find a new home for Sam.
Recently, my husband came to me and told me he wanted Sam to move in with us.
He argued we have the space, and he has the time to look after Sam. He thinks as Sam’s twin he must be the one to take Sam in. He also said their sister is still going to be spending a lot of time with Sam.
I felt bad but I told him I didn’t want Sam to live with us. This would be a long-term living arrangement not temporary like his other brother. I told him he should have told me before marriage that he would be wanting his brother to live with us.
I feel because he didn’t it’s my right to say no now.
This is a big change that will affect the rest of the foreseeable future and our plans to start a family.
Yesterday, my husband and I were at my SIL’s home discussing Sam’s future and I told her I didn’t want Sam to move in with us.
I suggested to her if she stayed in the house to look after Sam, my husband and I could try to be a bigger help to her.
She became annoyed with me after that and complained she’d been looking after her younger siblings since kindergarten, became a teen mom, and raised 7 kids of her own, and she could finally now have the time to do what she wanted. I expressed my opinion that she was being cold to Sam who is incredibly attached to her, I could see him getting very depressed living away from her.
She got mad at me after that. Although my husband said he would only take Sam in with my consent, I can tell he’s going to hold it against me if I don’t.
Am I being the jerk?
I think they’re being very short-sighted about Sam’s future and all the siblings have flat-out refused him going into a home.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But only for the question you asked. He should have let you know earlier in the relationship if he had plans for his brother to move in.
Maybe you should have asked him sooner too. However, you are the jerk for trying to manipulate and guilt trip the sister into continuing to be the main care-giver.” woowdiewoop
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for how you threw a guilt trip on someone who has been parentified and had their time and wellbeing extracted from them for darn near their whole life.
That was a mean move. NTJ for standing your ground with your husband. Though I do think it was lacking in foresight and pragmatism on your part to marry someone with a disabled twin thinking that wouldn’t impact your life.
Should’ve had that discussion.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – for resisting your husband’s request to have his twin brother move in, especially if this wasn’t previously disclosed as part of your marriage expectations. It’s reasonable to consider how such a long-term arrangement might affect your plans.
However, addressing this issue with empathy and engaging in constructive dialogue with your husband and his family might be necessary to reach a solution that accommodates both your needs and Sam’s well-being.” VY_Canis_Majorys
14. AITJ For Refusing To Buy A Bridesmaid's Dress Due To My Weight Loss Journey?
“My (28F) sister “Bri” 29F is getting married a year from now.
Recently, she reached out to ask me to be a bridesmaid. I was surprised because Bri and I weren’t super close, but I was happy to be a part of her special day.
I used to be extremely overweight, and last year I decided to take control of my health and lost 75 pounds.
I’m much happier and healthier than I was, but I’d still like to lose another 60. This became complicated when Bri sent us a link to the dress she wanted us to buy. I’ve never been a bridesmaid, but it is common for brides to ask their bridesmaids to buy their dresses.
Still, the dress she requested cost $300, which seemed pricey to me. Bri has asked us to order the dress within a couple of weeks, as it’s popular and she’s worried it will sell out.
I called Bri and told her I am on a weight loss journey and am not buying clothes until I get closer to my goal weight unless they’re from Goodwill or Walmart or something.
Bri seemed upset by this–she asked if I could just purchase the size I am now and have it be loose at the wedding. I told her I plan on being almost 60 pounds lighter by the wedding, so the dress won’t be loose–it will fall off.
Bri asked then if I could slow down my weight loss until after the wedding so the dress would fit. I told her not. I feel amazing and I’m already losing at a slow and steady pace.
I presented Bri with three solutions: 1–I can wait to buy the dress until closer to the wedding, as I requested, 2–she can buy me the dress now with her money, or 3–I drop out of the bridal party since she probably has people she’s closer with than me anyway.
Bri did not seem keen on any of these options–even removing me from the bridal party. She told me I was ruining her big day and that it was about her, not me, so why does it matter if I wear a dress that’s a little loose?
I hung up after that to give Bri some time to cool off, but then I got a call from my mother telling me what a horrible sister I was and how selfish I was for not just ordering the bridesmaid’s dress.
She reiterated how it’s Bri’s day, not mine, and when I have my wedding I can do things exactly how I want.
To be truthful, I am finally starting to feel confident and to like how I look.
Before I started losing weight, I wouldn’t have cared if I wore a too-loose dress because I was “fat and ugly” anyway. Now, even though I only buy dirt-cheap clothes, I make sure to buy clothes that flatter me and accentuate my curves.
I put a lot more effort into hair, makeup, and overall presentation. So yes, even though it is not my wedding, this will probably be the first formal event I go to after having lost weight, and I know lots of pictures will be taken.
I want to look my best in these photos because I know I will look back on them and remember how hard I worked to get there. Does this make me a selfish jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ You have 2 super reasonable and simple options 1.
Buy the dress in your current size and take it in for the wedding, so it fits perfectly to your body. Easy!! 2. Buy the dress a couple of sizes smaller so it’ll fit what size you assume you’ll be just make sure you stay on target with your weight loss so you fit into the dress.
You’re making this situation overly complicated. This is seriously so simple/ it’s like you’re trying to be frustrated over it. As someone who works at a bridal shop, your sister is the sane one here. You’re being a huge pain.
As a quick side note, even if you waited and bought the dress in your current size once you’re down 60 lbs, you still need alterations. Actual formal gowns will always need a hem, maybe a pinch on the top, etc. Not every size 6 has the same measurements, neither does every size 14.
So you’re going to have a foot in the door for alterations anyway, so it isn’t a big deal to have the dress pinched in where you need it. Taking a dress in 2 inches costs the same as taking an address in 6 inches.” AshlynM2
Another User Comments:
“YTJ here but softly. Weight loss is unpredictable ESPECIALLY as you get closer to your goal. I’d buy your current size or maybe one size down and then plan on tailoring close to the wedding. And yes, it’s annoying and expensive.
I’ve dealt with that choice between “buy something new” or “pay almost double to get something tailored down” and it’s not the easiest, I feel you on this. However, it is an unavoidable part of the process because formal events, work occasions, etc continue while you are making such big life changes.
You’re still minimizing your spending more than a lot of people can by only getting inexpensive clothes for every day.” fashion_thrower
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You can get the dress the size you are now and have it altered to fit as the day approaches.
Why did you not offer this as an option? Can’t believe no one thought of this. Look, if you don’t want to be her bridesmaid – and it sounds like you don’t! – then just tell her that you don’t want to be her bridesmaid and give her a chance to refill the position.” WEM-2022
13. AITJ For Wanting To Attend My Grandfather's Funeral Despite My Stepmother's Objections?
“I (23F) don’t talk that much with my father (52M) because of his wife (45 I think). We have a long history of not liking each other.
I have been her (my father’s wife) confidant and her psychologist since I was 13 years old. I have been listening non-stop about how my mother was a bad mother for asking for child support, and how she was not with us (she was a single mom working to feed 4 children when my father was paying 400 euros a month for the four of us).
I have heard her complain about my father in every possible way (even in intimate ways when I was 15/16), I have heard her say that we (the children) were the reason they ever got divorced. The situation got so bad that I was failing school non-stop because all I was thinking about was the situation I had with her at my father’s home, to the point that I had panic attacks because of it.
Around one year ago, we had a big argument (her and I), and I left my father’s house and did not step foot in it (one time because of Christmas and my sister begged me). I don’t want to have anything to do with her, as in our last argument, she exited my brother and me from my father’s home because I didn’t want to listen to her talk bad once more about my sister and my family.
I simply told her that “I don’t care”, and that I heard enough of her talking about every single thing that every single person in my family had done “to her”. She has a notebook, like a diary, where she puts everything that she has done for us, like staying one more night because of my grandmother’s death, or picking us up from high school when my father was working.
She also points out the wrongs that we did, like stepping up for my mother, going out late, or talking back when we were teenagers.
Well, in summary, my grandfather just died, and I need to go to another country to be able to attend his funeral. As soon as I was told about the news, I called my father to ask how he was and that I wanted to go to the funeral. My father didn’t want to talk, but well, essentially, my sister told me that my father doesn’t know what to do because his wife has told him that if I were to go to my grandfather’s funeral, she wouldn’t go.
Essentially, she is putting my father in a place to choose between bringing his daughter or his wife to his father’s funeral. I’m disappointed about this, not just because she is putting my father in this bad of a situation at a very low point in his life, but because my father said that this is his father’s funeral and his wife’s, suggesting that I should not go to my grandfather’s funeral.
I don’t know what to do, I don’t want to cause a family drama in this situation because it is not about whether we are good friends or not, but I think I have the right to go to my grandfather’s funeral, whether she goes or not (because I don’t care).
AITJ for wanting to go even though it causes problems?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is not your decision to make about whether or not she attends. You are not responsible for her choices. It’s a tragic time for her to be playing power games.
Your father is free to attend or not attend the funeral. You should go because you want to honor your grandfather. Do not let this foul woman decide for you. They can choose what action they want to take but they cannot control you.
I’m sorry for the loss of your grandfather.” squirrelsareevil2479
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you want to attend your grandfather’s funeral, you should, otherwise you will likely regret missing it in the future. You can’t control anyone’s actions except your own, and you need to do the right thing for yourself.
Your stepmother is being incredibly selfish during a difficult time for your father. But he is in control of his own choices. If he chooses not to attend his own father’s funeral because of his wife that is 100% on him.
It wouldn’t be your fault, and it wouldn’t even be his wife’s fault. He’s an adult, he doesn’t have to do what she says. Your father has allowed his wife to bar you from his home instead of standing up for you and his other children.
He should put you first and he doesn’t. He doesn’t get to decide if you attend your grandfather’s funeral.” Queasy-Sport-7234
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I suggest you make your arrangements to attend your grandfather’s funeral. You are 23 years old and do not need your father to bring you to the funeral. Surely you can make plane and hotel reservations on your own.
Your father’s wife is not entitled to forbid you from honoring your grandfather. She is not a blood relative, you are.” Stormy111161
12. AITJ For Considering Going No Contact With My Dad And Stepmom During My Pregnancy?
“I 25F am currently 30w pregnant with my husband 25M and I’s first baby, a little boy. This is the first grandchild for both sides, including my stepmom’s (SM) children. For context, my dad and SM got together 14 years ago, after having an affair when my mother had stage 3 cancer.
They inflicted a lot of mistreat on me and my siblings, physically and especially mentally/emotionally. This put a severe strain on our relationship and has caused a lot of issues over the years. I don’t care that they’re married, I just resent the mistreatment and the way that the relationship started. My dad moving states away, further put a strain and caused more issues.
When I got married I informed him I wouldn’t have him walk me down the aisle, unless he showed up to rehearsal dinner which he didn’t.
Fast forward to my pregnancy announcement, they were ecstatic and wanted to be involved but SM dropped that as soon as we found out we were having a boy, something my dad always wanted but they only had 2 girls together.
Since then I have invited them to the shower, sent sonograms, and sent updates and pictures. I even told them when my c-section was scheduled for, which was Halloween morning. SM and dad took offense to when the shower was because they tried to plan it without speaking to me, my MIL, or my mother and chose dates and times that worked for literally no one else but them, and they accused us of moving it to exclude them (untrue) since then SM and dad have called to tell me they will be taking the littles to Salem for Halloween to trick or treat, something they’ve NEVER done before and have never mentioned until I informed them of my Halloween c section.
Now they’re calling family saying I’m excluding them and trying to use my son against them, and I’m “jealous” My father picked SM over my mom and I’m a jerk. Now I’m thinking I should just go no contact again but my husband thinks it’ll be too much drama and stress on me while I’m pregnant.
AITJ? Or would/will I be if I go no contact again?”
Another User Comments:
“You are pregnant and don’t need the stress. Tell them they need to work around you, not the other way around. If they can’t fit your schedule that’s their tough luck.
If they argue about it tell them to suck it up and you won’t reply until 3 months after the birth. Congratulations and good luck. NTJ ” Famous_Specialist_44
Another User Comments:
“Why do you care what they do? They have made your life difficult and you keep inviting them to hurt you more!
Stop emailing them, talking to them, and having anything to do with them. You need to enjoy the family that lives and cares for you, not the parasites who blame you for crap. You have a new life inside you and they don’t need to have bad people in their lives.” Babbott50-410
Another User Comments:
“What you need is therapy for your trauma, abandonment, and rejection issues with your dad. At some point ask yourself if wanting a relationship with him is even worth it. He has never made you a priority before he is never going to change.
Stop seeking and wanting validation from him he is not going to going to give you one. Do you even want to subject your child to this toxic dysfunctional relationship and indifference you have with him? He was not a good parent to you do you think he will be better for your child now, I don’t think so.
Instead, celebrate your pregnancy and excitement with your upcoming baby with the family you have now who has supported you and create new memories with them rather than chasing him always wanting a relationship. They only want or remember you when it’s convenient for them, at some point this will be tiresome and exhausting for you.” adie_sammy1202
11. AITJ For Trying To Redirect My Partner's Cat From Humping My Stuffed Animals?
“My (23m) partner (29m) and I moved in together last winter and brought our two cats together.
They’re both neutered males of middle age and after a couple months of trying to figure out how to live together, they now get along very well. During that time, my cat was the bigger jerk. He used to be the only cat in the apartment and was a bully, which my partner and I corrected and they now get along very well and have their territories in the apartment.
Over several months, my partner’s cat developed a humping habit. It started with a single fuzzy blanket and then advanced to being stuffed animals, and then pillows. Now it is a very soft surface but mostly my stuffed animals, a collection and interest I’ve had since very young childhood.
I admit it’s ridiculous, however, it began to happen a lot and he’s bitten holes into and ripped tags off some of the plushies in doing this. I told my partner that I was gonna start trying to redirect him to a special blanket and hiss him away when it’s my stuffed animal or pillow.
This made my partner upset. He said it would be taking a stress outlet from his cat, and that I was “flipping weird” for it weirding me out. I tried to explain that I don’t hate his cat (I love him a lot) but I want to avoid him humping my stuff if possible.
I have many stuffed animals around the house and I’d have to put them on high shelves (which some rooms don’t have) every time I left the room, which I only want to have to do as a last resort.
He began to insult my cat and call him a bully, and my cat is more standoffish and bratty than his cat. His cat has a very sweet temperament. He got angrier and said my stuffed animals were stupid and I should get over it, and said that I’ve stressed him out by complaining about his cat to him this past week.
This is where I’d be the jerk. I called him weird for being so upset with me not wanting his cat to hump my stuffed animals so wanting to try to redirect him, and told him to get lost because I thought he was being too mean and aggressive over what I saw as a minor complaint.
We continued to argue, and he said I’d either need to put my stuffed animals away, or he’d put his cat down. He then blocked me, so our argument ended.
I don’t know what went wrong. I tried to make it clear I knew it was just an animal being an animal, and wanted to redirect, not stop the behavior.
He still said I was the weird one for caring about something like this. I plan to show him this post and the comments no matter what, so, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Your partner majorly overreacted. It’s not unreasonable for you to not want his cat to hurt your things and you offered reasonable solutions.
While it is rude to tell someone to get lost I don’t think you’re the jerk since he was the one to turn this into such a big deal. A red flag and if this is someone you want to be with long-term maybe reconsider.
If you want kids one day is this how he’s going to react to having to discipline/redirect a kid’s poor behavior? Is this how he’s going to “communicate” with you every time there’s an issue? Also what??
Why would you even in anger say you’re gonna put a cat down over something like this? Your dude is showing a lot of red flags but anyway. NTJ. Your partner kind of sucks.” crunchycremesoda
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
His reaction was extremely immature and honestly troubling. If it happened like you said, I would consider that a big red flag. He lacks emotional maturity and saying the thing about putting his cat down is just bizarre and manipulative.
Also, I think all that humping may be a sort of stress response. Might be worth considering ways to alleviate his stress.” Unclecactus666
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Not that name calling is okay, but his threat to euthanize his cat is extremely inappropriate.
The normal way to handle an animal humping everything is exactly what you’re offering to do. You teach them that there’s an appropriate time & place to do whatever behavior – exactly like everything else they do. It’s no different than teaching them that they only potty, jump, or scratch things in certain spots.
Redirecting the cat won’t hurt or deprive it. You can even buy the cat his special animal or pillow if the blanket doesn’t work.” Here_IGuess
10. AITJ For Publicly Confronting My Housemate About His Poor Bathroom Hygiene?
“I live in a house with another incredibly dirty guy. The biggest issue is that he often uses the toilet and doesn’t flush. Every time I find it, he denies it’s him, but it’s either me or him, and I know it’s not me.
This situation has been taking a toll on my mental health as I suffer from anxiety and depression, and having to deal with someone else’s mess isn’t helping.
I’ve even gone out of my way to buy all the necessary cleaning supplies and left them by the toilet for him to use, but he still doesn’t flush properly.
He only flushes once and just hopes for the best, I guess.
Today, it happened again. I was already stressed because I had a fight with a friend and came home really mad. My significant other was with me, and he knows how much this situation affects me.
Unfortunately, I can’t move out for another three months because of the contract, but after that, I’m moving in with my significant other.
When I got home, I decided to shower and, of course, found that my housemate hadn’t flushed again.
His friends were over, but I know it was him who made the mess because they only arrived after me and my significant other—I even asked them at the reception when they came in.
I was furious. I stormed straight to his room and screamed at him.
I called him a disgusting fat pig and some other names I’m not proud of. He tried denying it again, but I called him out. His friends gave him the side-eye, and he eventually went to clean up after himself.
My significant other supports what I did. My housemate apologized and claimed he has IBS, so he uses the toilet a lot. That’s not even the issue for me—the problem is him not flushing properly. I told him to stop using that as an excuse and to act like an adult.
Here’s the thing: My sister thinks I’m the jerk because I could’ve talked to him privately instead of embarrassing him in front of his friends. She reminded me that he’s mentioned having trouble making friends before.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ This is a guy who thought nothing of subjecting you to his mess countless times knowing how it affected you. He wouldn’t stop. If his behavior was fine for him to do endlessly then it’s fine for him to be called out about in front of his friends once.
Maybe that will make it the last time. I’d tell him that if he doesn’t cut it out you will be making it a point to mention it afterward each time he does it when someone visits the house. He doesn’t get to make this a private thing just to disgust you with.
He needs to think: the reason you saying something is so embarrassing for him is because him doing it is such a shameful, disgusting thing. Does he have IBS? Does that stop his hands from being able to pick up cleaning products?
He’s just contemptibly inconsiderate and lazy.” kurokomainu
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve told him before that this is a problem and he’s still not dealing with it. I had housemates in college who would pee on the toilet seat and just leave it there, and after months of asking them to clean up their pee, I brought it up when they had friends over and it made zero difference–some people are just very gross and don’t care what anyone else thinks.
The two guys would each blame each other but I knew it was both of them because I’d go in right after one of them had been in there and they both would leave pee behind. One of them would also sleepwalk and pee on the floor.
Just a nightmare. So I don’t blame you for blowing up at him!” ConsistentCheesecake
Another User Comments:
“He needs to do multiple flushes not just one. He must flush as he works. This has happened with my children. Not flushing long enough and the sewage doesn’t stay down it will return.
If the entire tank of water isn’t used depending on the amount of waste, it can come back. It even happens where I work. Toilets are designed to use less water than 50 years ago. Sometimes there just isn’t enough water to make a single flush work.
He most likely is flushing. So he needs to wait before he leaves the bathroom to make should he doesn’t need to flush twice.” Mamijie
9. AITJ For Expecting My Son To Pay For The Car Damage He Caused?
“I, 46M, have a son, 19M, who attends University in a city about an hour away. I pay his rent, all his tuition, his meals, everything.
This summer he almost exclusively used my car. I think I drove it once a month.
A month ago, he scratched the bumper of the car pulling into the garage. Weeks later he decided he’d do something to fix it.
I didn’t hound him on it, I left it with him. He googled that rubbing toothpaste would remove the scratches, so he did that. It removed some but also took the clear coat off. Not a big deal, it’s a bumper.
That’s not the part that I’m here for.
The car was dirty, so he decided to wash it in the driveway, instead of going to the coin car wash. Some of the caked-on clay on the driver’s side from months of use wouldn’t come off, so he decided instead of using soap, he’d use toothpaste.
He proceeded to scrub the front quarter panel, driver’s side doors (front and back), and the rear quarter panel, with abrasive toothpaste. After it dried he noticed the swirls and the fact that he’d sanded the clear coat off.
Now, it’s an older car (2013), but I’ve maintained it, and it’s mine.
I’ve kept it in perfect condition and I’m the first and only owner.
So, I was left with an entire driver’s side that had swirl marks and looked sanded down. I didn’t get angry when I saw it, I was stunned, and I said I just wanted it fixed, and that I understood it was a mistake.
I explained the clear coat had been sanded, and that likely the only way to fix it was to repaint it. He called friends, even called my brother-in-law, and they all said the same thing: It would need repainting. He called for estimates, and someone said they could buff it out.
They tried, he paid, they didn’t fix it. Quotes range from 1200 to 2k.
I brought it up at dinner, and his logic was:
1. It’s not like I drive it every day.
2. I could only sell it for maybe 7k, so it’s not worth the cost of repainting.
3. He’s trying to save money and work within a budget he has for himself.
Then my wife stepped in. In her words:
1. If it were her car, she wouldn’t care (I maintain her car too).
2. Do I expect our son to pay 2500 dollars to repaint my car?
3. If I caused that damage, would I pay 2500 myself to get it fixed given the value of the car?
That last one was said in such an insanely accusatory manner like I’m unreasonable. Now, look, here’s the deal, I’m in therapy.
I’ve got my problems, so please realize that everything I’m conveying to them is me being very careful and mindful about how I speak to everyone. So please believe me when I say I’m making every effort here to not be negative, and be as factual as I can.
I’ve spoken to my therapist because this bugged me. She advised me to rescind any driving privileges until it’s fixed. I spoke to my sister (the brother-in-law of mine that my son consulted), and she believes that he better pony up, and it’s an expensive mistake, but it’s on him.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If you could have sold it for $7k before, it’s probably closer to half that now. Expensive lessons are always a bummer, but they tend to stick. This is a lesson in carelessness for your son.
That said, when he first tried the toothpaste on the bumper, did he understand that he damaged the clear coat? That could have been a teachable moment. I’m not suggesting this is in any way your fault, but if you _didn’t_ make a point of explaining where he went wrong with the bumper “repair”, let _this_ be a learning experience for you too: people are more likely to repeat mistakes when they don’t understand the nature of those mistakes.” BonesJustice
Another User Comments:
“Not a jerk. You have gone above and beyond in my books, and have been extremely forgiving and patient. They seem to think that this is a joint asset and that it doesn’t matter to you. It is besides the point of how often he or you drive it, the selling cost is also wildly beside the point.
He caused damage, the damage needs to be fixed. What I would do is rescind the offer for them to borrow the car pretty much permanently (unless emergency), stop maintaining (my) wife’s car for a good while (quietly), fix the car myself, and tell him that you’re going to have to lower the support you give him for rent, tuition, and food until you can make that money back, and he can use his savings and budget to make up the shortfall (don’t be too drastic).
And stick to my guns. You’ve been taken for granted and taken advantage of. They need a reality check, and it’s not your problem or your fault if they can’t handle that.” CerddwrRhyddid
Another User Comments:
“Ok so not the jerk, but why didn’t you talk to the idiot kid about how he was going to fix it?
Seems like it’s a little bit on you if your son knows nothing about cars and just says “ok I’ll fix it” and you don’t follow up with a “Talk to me about how you are going to fix it before you do it”.
I mean I get kids to do crazy stuff and growing up is hard, but was it not foreseeable that he’d screw the thing up worse in trying to “fix it”? He needs to take ownership of his screwup.
But seems like you could have headed this off at the pass. Kinda gave him more rope to hang himself with in some ways. Again though. The kid is responsible. It’s just that whenever I have even professionals fixing things for me, I ask them a little about how they are going to fix it.
Too many times has a “professional” screwed it up worse. It’s like contractors at the house if I haven’t used them before. Gotta keep an eye on them and correct them if they are doing it wrong.” OutrageousEmu8587
8. AITJ For Wanting To Cut My Dad Out Of My Life After Finding Hurtful Messages About Me On His Phone?
“Me F(25) and my dad M(42) have always had a rocky relationship.
Obviously from him always picking women over his kids, didn’t see us for years, my dad is starting to be more social on TikTok and needed an extra phone to make the videos on there. Well, I had an extra phone I told him I would sell it to him and he agreed. He took the phone and we left it at that.
(He goes live sometimes when I’m around) I talk to this one girl who is always jumping on his life. We added each other on TikTok and then finally messaged her and asked how she was doing (since we only talked on my dad’s live) MIND YOU, my dad said he no longer wanted my phone and that he got himself another so I took my phone back.
WELL, he did NOT log out and I shouldn’t have snooped but I did. (I had a gut feeling too) I am currently pregnant but have a lot of complications as I am marked as high-risk. I looked through the messages and he was talking A BUNCH of things about me to this female.
Something that I can’t believe a father would say, making me out to be A COMPLETE LIAR. He told her I was lying about my pregnancy for one, my miscarriages, my ectopic surgery I had, that I work, etc. I do a lot for my dad for him to say hurtful things behind my back.
The one thing he told her that broke me was “I like talking to you.. I talk to my daughter for entertainment”. I’ve always had “daddy issues” you can say and now all this has made me fall into a little depression.
I want to block him off my socials and never speak to him again. My husband M(25) thinks I should tell my dad that I know what he’s been saying and he’s being cut out of my life. I on the other hand don’t feel like I need to give an explanation he should know.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If you tell your dad why, he’ll just use that information against you. Your husband is thinking within the framework of a considerate person. Your dad is not like that and will not respond reasonably.
If you need to give your dad a reason, saying that you need a break while you focus on your pregnancy is a true statement. Then block him and focus on things that bring you peace and joy. And if you haven’t already, log out of his account – you don’t need that temptation, and reading what he writes will just upset you. Best wishes for a healthy pregnancy and safe delivery!” HowlPen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You have to communicate the why. You need to set some boundaries now before you’re a parent. You can’t do that effectively if he doesn’t know what they are. A simple boundary – I won’t allow anyone in my life who speaks ill of me behind my back – doesn’t require anything of him.
He can continue to do it (hurtful) or choose to change and be the father you deserve. He’s about to have a grandbaby and may want to be a part of their life now or at some point down the road.
Establishing your issues now (your boundaries) allows you to set the terms for any future relationship down the road. Your child will inevitably want to know, at some point, why you don’t speak to Grandpa. It’s important for you as a future parent to be able to communicate the why (in age-appropriate terms) “My father didn’t show me that he loved me, no matter what, like I do for you!” Remember, when we set boundaries for people that honor us (and your unborn children), that sometimes makes us the “bad guy” in someone else’s story.
You – and your family and your children – are WORTH that.” Octopus_Shotput452
7. AITJ For Refusing To Cover My Brother's Shift At Work?
“I (21f) still live with my parents while I am in college, and I currently have 2 part-time jobs which I am using to save money to pay for school, textbooks, gas, etc.
2 months ago, my parents asked me to help my brother (16m) get a job at my workplace, and I agreed. I wrote his resume, got him in contact with managers to set up an interview and his online employee portal, and helped him fill out all his paperwork for new employees.
So far he has only been scheduled for 3 shifts, 2 of which were for training. I’ve gotten in touch with managers to communicate for him, and he’s said he’s been calling, but other new employees have been hired and scheduled since then while he has not.
I’ve reached a point where if I keep interfering it will make him seem like he’s incompetent on his own.
This morning, my parents asked me to cover a shift for him later this week since he forgot he had a school event and wouldn’t be able to work.
He’d known about both work and school for days ahead but said nothing until now. I have school and work that day, but later in the day so technically I could cover his shift. Still, I said no, because I have a lot to do already and quite honestly I don’t think it’s my responsibility to cover for him just because we’re related- he needs to figure it out with our managers on his own.
My parents disagreed and I was told they would remember this event in the future if I ever needed help. I don’t think this is fair as I have multiple calendars to keep track of my obligations and do not make it their problem if I fail to meet them (which I very rarely do).
All my friends have agreed this isn’t my job but my parents are adamant that I am morally wrong, even though they won’t force me to take the shift, they just refuse to hear my side and are treating me as though I am being vindictive and lazy for not inconveniencing myself for him.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…for not picking up his shift, but honestly, YTJ for doing everything to get him this job. You are enabling him just as much as your parents. Your brother is never going to take this job seriously, because, what work did he have to do to get the job?
Why do your parents even want him to have a job if he is not going to be responsible and they are not going to help him to be responsible? I don’t see this job lasting for your brother.” Worth-Season3645
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and their promise to retaliate in the future is not loving not kind. They should focus on parenting; address his inability to use a calendar, think ahead, communicate, and solve a shifting conflict….this is adulting.
You bent over backwards to get him this job and no family member expressed gratitude just more requests for you to accomplish. He sounds like the golden child. — Continue to thrive.” DesertSong-LaLa
6. AITJ For Asking My Brother To Escort Me At My Wedding Instead Of My Dad?
“Let’s start at the beginning. My (30F) parents (52 M, 51 F) got divorced when I was 5 after my dad was unfaithful to my mom with a woman twice his age. I took it quite hard, especially when my dad started making me go stay the night with him at his mistress’ house and got mad at me when I didn’t want to.
While he paid my mom child support and helped me when I needed to move or had car issues he also:
- Only paid me attention when he was single.
- Married 3x, divorced 2 – once to a woman only 7 years my elder who disliked me.
- Spoke poorly about my mom and maternal grandmother for no reason- accused them of making him look bad (they didn’t)
- Left me by myself to go to the bar when I drove an hour and a half to see him on weekends in high school
- Got mad at my grandparents for wanting to give him money to help me buy a car because that was HIS job
- Stopped giving me allowance because his wife at the time didn’t want him to
- Got super religious, and told me women weren’t supposed to lead but follow in a relationship.
- Promised to be more present in my life, but didn’t.
I am getting married in a little over a month. I am not religious like my dad and I am not traditional at all. I don’t like the message of the father “giving” the daughter to her husband so I asked a nonparental figure – my brother— to escort me to my wedding.
I knew this would bother my dad as his view of marriage is that it’s holy and that it’s his right and honor as a dad to “give me away.” So I made sure to include a father-daughter dance, even though I didn’t want one, as a compromise.
I messaged my dad to ask for some contact info for other relatives about the wedding. He decided that was the appropriate time to tell me that he picked up and moved to another state 10 hours away without telling me and asked when he needed to be in for the wedding.
I used this time to tell him that he was not in the ceremony but that he was invited to the rehearsal and had a father-daughter dance at the reception.
He did not respond to me for 3 weeks and I got a message this past weekend that said “I will not be attending your wedding.
I was concerned ever since you got engaged that I would be left out of the ceremony, and I can’t pretend to be happy to be on the sidelines. I love you and I grieve our relationship. I will pray that one day we will find a way to be in each other’s life.”
I understand why he was upset, but I also think that he chose to sideline himself up to this point and he should not feel entitled to this role.
So, AITJ for asking my brother to be in my wedding instead of my dad?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You are not the jerk in this situation. Your father has consistently shown a lack of commitment and involvement in your life throughout the years, and, understandably, you would choose to involve someone who has been more present and supportive, like your brother.
The role of the father giving away the bride is a tradition that holds deep meaning for some people, but it’s not a requirement. It’s your wedding, and you have the right to make choices that reflect your values and the relationships that matter most to you.
Your decision to include a father-daughter dance as a compromise shows that you were considering your dad’s feelings, despite his past behavior. His reaction to not being in the ceremony seems to ignore the years of neglect and broken promises.
Unfortunately, he has chosen not to attend your wedding, but it’s a decision that ultimately reflects his priorities and values. It’s essential to remember that your wedding day should be a celebration of your love and commitment to your partner, surrounded by those who have supported and cherished you.
You deserve to have people who have been there for you and made a positive impact on your life by your side” PenelopeCupcake.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wedding, your choice. And it doesn’t sound like he is much of a father figure anyway, so why would you want him to walk you down the aisle?
By his response, he knows that he has messed up and didn’t deserve the spot anyway. He is making the classic mistake of a parent who worries more about themselves than their children – they make the wedding about them instead of the couple getting married. You are correct – he chose to sideline himself and he should not feel entitled to the role.
His choosing not to attend is him being dramatic and trying to make you feel guilty for not giving him what he feels entitled to. And, most likely, considering how he has found religion and the views of his you have shared, he would probably also feel entitled to make demands about what your wedding should be like, so it’s for the best that he decided not to come.
So, don’t feel guilty, because that would be falling for his manipulations. Go and have a wonderful wedding!” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ People like this will make any excuse to make the day about them. It doesn’t matter if he’s religious, because it’s your day.
Honestly, going low contact might be the best option due to his behavior. If he doesn’t get his way, he acts out like a little child. So treat him like one” According_Basis_4721
5. AITJ For Sending My Ex-Partner's Band Home On My Wedding Day?
“Got married yesterday. When we arrived at the reception venue, everything was already in place. It was not until when were called up for our first dance that I recognized the singer from the band to be my ex-partner from high school.
We haven’t talked for over 15 years. My wife doesn’t know much about my exes, we just never talked about past relationships further than “I’ve had 3 exes”
During the dance, I couldn’t help but only focus on the fact that she was up there on the stage.
I know my wife was the one in charge of the music for the day. She never told me what she booked, nor I ever asked about what it was. I asked her what made her choose that band. She said she went through an entertainment agency, and saw the ex’s good portfolio and within budget, and booked.
I told her the singer was my ex from high school and that I was not comfortable with her performing. She said that was an odd coincidence and told me “Why is this an issue, it happened long ago?”
I told her yes but I’m weirded out by it.
My wife then said it was just music and not to make that much of a big deal since the band was doing a good job. I told her I wanted to talk with the band.
My ex recognized me and she was very professional about it.
She said she didn’t know it was going to be my wedding and only knew when she got into the venue for prep and saw some other mutual friends. I told her to finish up in the next 30 minutes and to leave.
She looked shocked and so did her band members. I reassured them it was not because of the performance. One of the band members said that even though they were being asked to leave early since they already rocked up and this was a change of mind on the day, there would be no refunds.
I told them I wouldn’t be pursuing a refund,
Told my wife that the band was leaving and she was livid. Kept asking me why it was such a big deal because of an ex and asked me if I still had feelings for her.
I said no that’s absurd, but I felt uncomfortable that I was reminded of my past relationship at the worst possible time. She told me I was wasting her money. I told her we could get another DJ that we can get on the spot with the help of the venue which I will fully pay for.
She told me that it was just another waste of money because “my feelings are too fragile and I can’t see the bigger picture”
After the band left, I went straight to the venue manager to sort things out…long story short things got sorted… DJ did a good job, the guests seemed to have a good time and didn’t notice it but my wife was NOT enjoying it at all.
After everything was over she went straight to bed at the hotel.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You ruined your new wife’s night over an ex from high school. You ruined the band performance and unilaterally decided that your brand-new wife should just deal with a lesser musical option because you couldn’t handle a non-issue.
You wasted your wife’s time and money. I wonder if she can get an annulment…” sheramom4
Another User Comments:
” YTJ. If you had taken a more active role in planning your wedding, you would have been aware of the band your partner wanted. Instead, your lack of consideration and involvement led to a memorable disappointment for your wife.
Unfortunately, your actions may have created a lasting impression, and she may always recall you as the ‘ex-husband’ who ruined her special day.” CryptographerAny2685
Another User Comments:
“Yes, absolutely YTJ. Kicking out a perfectly good band because you can’t handle being in the same room as an ex you went out with 15 YEARS AGO when you were in HIGH SCHOOL is incredibly immature and insecure.
The incident needlessly disrupted your wedding reception and certainly placed a stain on the day that will be hard for your wife to overlook. Also…the fact that your post mentioned you “wouldn’t pursue a refund” highlights how out of touch you are.
You’re the one that broke the contract, dude when there was no concern over performance. You therefore legally OWE them the full amount of the contract. Instead, you act like you’re doing them a favor by still paying…after you humiliated the band with your fragile ego.
Ick.” Fit-Ad-7276
4. AITJ For Choosing My Biological Dad Over My Stepdad As Father Of The Bride?
“My parents divorced when my siblings (32m, 30f, 29m) and I (27f) were young.
I was a newborn when they separated for context. My dad never remarried but he had two long-term relationships since then. One when we were younger kids. His current partner he met when we were in our teens. Mom and my stepdad married when I was 5.
Our parents shared equal custody of my siblings and me. We were closer to our dad than our mom or our stepdad. Not because dad was a Disney parent or because he didn’t have rules. But dad was more of a nurturer and we had a closer relationship with him.
We still loved Mom but it wasn’t the same. I believe at times my stepdad had trouble coming to terms with us being so close to dad and not as close to mom or him. There were times we felt some jealousy and maybe even resentment about it.
As an adult, I can sort of understand, especially if he loved us like we were his, though I also think it should always be positive when kids have good biological parents and a stepparent isn’t needed to fill that role for a missing parent.
It’s less trauma for the kids.
Anyway, when I was 10 Dad was involved in a bad accident. For a year we couldn’t live with him because he was on life support, then in rehab working on recovery. During that year my stepdad did try to fill the role of “only dad”.
He and Mom already had a child together at this point but he focused more on my siblings and me. He was good to us and I told him a few years ago I appreciated that he didn’t resent us being there all the time.
But he resented that, at the end of that year, he hadn’t solidified himself as a dad to any of us. We all still called him by his first name. None of us saw him as more of a dad afterward.
We weren’t magically so much closer. Dad was still our #1. When most of my siblings were in college but I was still at home, my stepdad became a little angrier and a lot more resentful of Dad because Dad was their go-to person to call.
I also chose to live full-time with Dad at that point.
So the problem today. I’m the last of my siblings getting married. My sister had dad as the only father of the bride for her wedding. Now I asked just Dad too.
My stepdad was quiet about my sister’s wedding. But he has spoken up this time and he told me he couldn’t understand why I didn’t ask them both. He said he did just as much as my dad, and for an entire year, he was the only father any of us had.
My mom, who weighed in a couple of times, said I was so young when my stepdad and her got married, that it made no sense to see him as less of a father. They told me that even if I asked now it wouldn’t hold the same genuine recognition and appreciation for my stepdad.
But my stepdad wanted me to know how thoughtless he considered my choice.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am so sick of reading about these entitled parents in blended families thinking that doing something for a minute entitles you to all of the rights and privileges of being the actual parent.
SD can want to be treated as the dad, but he came along with you were five. The others were even older. You lived with him and your mom for a year, and you never once wavered then and felt like he was anything more than your stepdad who married your mom.
They need to let this go.” NotCreativeAtAll16
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m a stepdad myself. It’s only been two years and my stepkids are preteens. I hope they see me as a supportive parental figure in their lives.
All I want is for them to be happy and to thrive. If they feel closer to their bio dad than to me, I would understand and be happy for them. I know your situation is a bit different given that you were very young when he became your stepdad.
But I don’t think it changes the overall approach or values. He should be happy for you on your wedding day. If he feels any disappointment at not being asked to walk you down the aisle, he needs to either keep that to himself or share it only with your mom with instructions to not share it with you. Why?
Divorced parents must never push their kids to choose between them. And the same goes for stepparents. You should feel free to choose who you want to walk you down the aisle and not feel like you’re putting dad against stepdad, because you’re not.
Stepdad is making you feel like you did something wrong because you didn’t choose him. You did nothing wrong. He needs to accept your choice and be happy for you on your wedding day. ” cascadia1979
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if only for the fact that if stepfather wanted to *actually* be seen as “dad” then he wouldn’t be throwing a strop at not getting the father-of-the-bride role.
A dad who understands his daughter’s emotions and wishes wouldn’t be having a tantrum at not being recognized as “dad”, and stepping aside for bio-dad on his daughter’s big day.” Own-Kangaroo6931
3. AITJ For Not Wanting To Associate With My Gaming Addict Brother In High School?
“I am 17F and I have a brother who is 12 and we will be going to the same high school soon.
The other day, I told him I don’t want people to know we’re siblings.
My brother is an iPad kid who always plays mobile games like Roblox.
He also plays on his laptop, watches YouTube, and other activities. However, he does this excessively; he would play games the whole day, and I mean 5-8 hours a day.
This has been happening for at least 3 years now. My parents have tried everything they can to stop my brother from literally being addicted to games.
They have scolded him, taken his devices away, and even severely shouted at him, but nothing works. He ignores everything my parents say, and when my parents take the devices away, he either takes them back or annoys them during their work hours (they work at home) until they give the devices back to him.
Furthermore, he has a severe case of spoiled brat attitude, and since he is entering puberty, he has a stuck-up, “nobody cares about me,” and “you guys are all against me attitude” around all of us. Additionally, my brother has horrible grades, and with the current trajectory he is going, he will be failing all his classes or getting C’s and D’s.
Worst of all, he has nothing else in his life; no sports, no hobbies, no passions, no social skills, literally nothing.
Since he is entering the same school I am, I do not want to be associated with him. In my current high school, all the teachers like me, I have good leadership positions, and my GPA is decently high.
However, once he enters, I feel like he will be horrible in his classes. Although he won’t directly insult the teachers, he probably won’t do his homework, fail most of his tests, and if the teachers are strict, he is the type to purposely hand in a black test paper because he doesn’t like them.
Worst case, if he doesn’t like the teacher, he will talk back at them and give them the look that annoys all teachers.
I worry that if it’s known I’m his sister, I’ll be obligated to help him, especially if my teacher comments on it.
Furthermore, if he does become rude to the teachers, they will have a subconscious negative perception of me, which in some cases hurts my recommendation letters and my grades. If my brother becomes infamously rude and annoying, I feel like my friends will always mention it like “Oh hey why is your brother Steve so unlike you” or “Hey did you hear what your brother did today,” and I will suddenly become responsible cleaning up my brother’s every action and its consequences.
I don’t want my brother’s reputation to stain what I have built for four years. I guess I am selfishly asking him not to be associated with me because he is, in my eyes, an embarrassment both to society and to my family.
In my heart, he is still my brother, but I see him as a lost cause who isn’t willing to help himself, and I don’t want to be pressured to help him.
WIBTJ if I choose to not associate with him in high school?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re overthinking this. Teachers are not going to hold you responsible for his behavior and grades. They’ve taught siblings before. They understand that you are separate people. Besides, you’re the one who made the first impression.
Teachers are more likely to expect him to perform at your level than to change their opinion of you based on him. Socially speaking, he sounds like the kind of kid who flies under the radar in high school. He’s not very social or involved. He focuses on his games.
Most of your peers are barely going to interact with him. This is only going to be a big deal if you make it a big deal by going out of your way to lie and hide his existence. So don’t do those things.
If someone mentions him, just have a calm, dismissive response ready to go like “Yeah, I can’t believe we’re related” and change the subject. YTJ to yourself a little bit, and also to your brother. He may be flawed but he has feelings.” SneakySneakySquirrel
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Sorry to burst your bubble. Your parents aren’t great either. My guess is they put all their efforts into you and gave up on your little brother. Seems you’ve learned by their example and given up too.
Very sad. You should stop comparing yourself to your sibling. It’s not healthy. You should stop judging your brother. I’m sure you have faults too, even if they are not as severe as your brother’s reported faults. Here’s a bit of reality.
Teachers will know he’s your brother eventually. He will benefit from your success in school because you’ve paved the way. If he makes bad grades and acts up, they’ll be scratching their heads wondering what happened to him. Trust me, your reputation is safe as long as you take the higher road here.
What will hurt you and reflect poorly on you will be how you treat your brother at school, not how your brother acts. If you bad mouth him and act out at school about him, the adults will notice and will hear things YOU say and do concerning him.
If you can express kindness, and patience and turn lemons into lemonade, that will reflect well on your character. It’s not all about the grades, and I’m thinking you’re smart enough to know that.” Babziellia
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. They are going to know you two are related within a week of him getting there.
The shared last name will give it away. Your parents are the ones to blame for your brother’s inability to kick his addiction. They give in to make life easier for them, instead of parenting him. You, however, sound like a very shallow appearances are everything person.
Your brother is at the know-it-all superior stage that you would have gone through, too, though it sounds like you aren’t done with it yet.” Liandren
2. AITJ For Not Wanting To Invite My Mom's Partner To My Wedding?
“This is a long story so bear with me. I will use all fake names too. I will also need to cut a lot out. (My family is nuts).
My parents are swinger’s and when I was 14 they fell in love with another couple and decided to move in with them.
In the house were myself, my brother, my parents, the other couple, and their 2 boys. There was a lot of fighting and overall it was toxic.
They lived together for 15 years until the woman (let’s say Eve) from the other couple passed away from bone cancer.
After Eve died everything changed in the family. Originally my mother and father were going to stay together and move out.
However, my mom decided she didn’t want to move out and leave the other man (let’s say Frank).
They decided to get a divorce, however, a month or so later they appeared to reconcile and moved out together.
After 3 or so weeks my mom decides to go back to Frank and leave my dad.
I found out she was still talking to Frank even though she was trying to reconcile with my father the whole time.
Now, it’s been almost 2 years since I saw the other family including Frank.
I understand relationships don’t work out for everyone. I don’t hold that against her but her going behind his back upset us.
My fiance and I struggled financially and we were trying to figure out the best options for our budget.
I told my mom about the wedding and she offered to pay for the wedding venue and dress. And we accepted.
Now, my mom keeps bringing up Frank and his kids trying to get me to invite them to my wedding, bridal shower, and such.
I have told her no many times.
Every time she somehow manages to make me feel like the bad guy but I feel like I’m setting fair boundaries. We are worried she is only helping with the wedding because she wants us to all get along again.
She claims we aren’t trying to see it from her perspective and that we don’t care about her happiness.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think there’s an easy judgment here. I understand you are upset by what happened, but Frank isn’t exactly an affair partner.
Your parents were in a consenting relationship with him and his wife for 15 years. Yes, your dad might have ended up hurt, but someone was always going to. Your mom just had deeper feelings for Frank. I’m sure she was trying to do the right thing leaving with your dad.
You say you don’t hold it against her, but it sounds like you do. Why else would you be against inviting him? If you want to set those boundaries, which you have every right to. I think you need to turn away her offer to pay.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your wedding day is not Family Therapy Day, Make Mom Happy Day, or Reconciliation Day. All the parties need to work out their complicated feelings in some other venue at some other time. Call her on it “No Mom, there is no need for me to look at this from your perspective because it’s my wedding.
Come alone, or don’t come at all.” Have a friend on standby who is prepared to act as a bouncer if mom shows up with an entourage.” CandylandCanada
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. It’s your wedding and you can decide who comes, but: 1.
once you allow someone else to pay of course they will want some input or invite “their” guests. Easy solution: pay for it yourself, no strings attached. 2. It’s your mother and she deserves a plus one, especially if it is a long-term partner and she pays for the wedding.
At the same time, I don’t blame you for not wanting him there, or even her! If you take the money and do not let her bring him – YTJ. Just pay for the wedding you can afford and don’t cave to anyone’s wants and demands.” HouseAgitatedPotato
1. AITJ For Asking My Roommate's Partner To Contribute To Bills?
“My roommate’s (Noah 22) significant other (Ella 21) is spending a lot of time in our apartment.
I didn’t mind when she used to only visit a couple of days out of the week but now I feel like I’m seeing her most days and something has got to give.
My biggest issue is how she uses our communal things like she’s paying for them.
She showers here, uses our sink water, and has even done laundry. She always leaves lights on at night because she’s scared of the dark. She cooks on our stove & Noah turns the thermostat up when she visits because she gets cold which adds to the electric bill.
I tried to tell Noah that Ella is over so much she needs to help with bills. I don’t think he took me seriously because he laughed and went on about his day so I figured my best option was to talk to Ella directly.
At a party last night I asked her if Noah had talked to her about the bills yet. She said no. I told her since she was over at our apartment so much she needed to start contributing to our bills.
She asked me if I was serious and I said yes. She said she only came over when Noah asked & didn’t realize she was bothering anyone. I told her I’m only bothered if she doesn’t start to contribute.
She said she can’t contribute, she doesn’t have a job, and there’s no other way to see Noah because her sorority house doesn’t allow boys to go into the rooms. I suggested she should limit how much she comes over then.
She didn’t say anything else to me and left to find Noah. They found me minutes later and Noah once again asked me if I was being serious. I said yes and explained all of her added expenses. He laughed in my face and then asked if I would be satisfied if they started taking showers together to save water.
I said no, I don’t want to shower in their cesspool.
He said I was being ridiculous and began trying to break down my argument. He said she cooks for both of them, not just her, so there’s no difference in electricity.
Just who’s doing the labor? The problem with that statement is I’ve seen her make personal meals before, which I pointed out.
By this point, he seemed annoyed with me. He said he’d start walking behind her at night to turn out the lights if she needed something spontaneously washed he’d throw his dirty sock in with hers so it would be their combined laundry, and he’d start cooking the food for them, and they’d combine toilet flushes, and he’d clean out their cesspool after their joint shower.
I knew he was mocking me so I said that cleaning out their cesspool would require extra water so she would need to contribute to bills regardless or at least cut back on the number of days she visited the apartment.
2-3 days a week seemed fair.
Noah called me a broke, penny-pinching jerk and left. I went to talk to my other two roommates about the ordeal but they said that they didn’t want in the middle of it.
I had felt justified but my roommate’s lack of rallying with me on this made me have my doubts. AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I agree with you 100%, them finding a place to hook up isn’t your problem. Every place I’ve rented has a thing in the contract about having guests over because every single guest adds wear and tear to the rental. I wouldn’t be surprised if school dorms or whatever had the same kind of policies.
I’d tell your roommate she can either help with the bills or you’d start enforcing guest rules.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ necessarily, but I think if you want to dive into this, you need to dive into this. You need to time her showers and the utilities that she uses and compare them to the roommates to see how much expense she adds onto the bills.
At this point, once you’ve done this, I do not think it matters the amount, she needs to pay whatever it is even if it’s 10$ a month. I do think you have a point, it’s annoying when somebody is living in your apartment who does not contribute or whatever.
It is annoying when people are taking over your amenities not even dealing with money but her cooking on the stove would bother me.” MasterpieceCrazy3862
Another User Comments:
“I’ve gotta say YTJ on this one unless your bills are noticeably larger now that she’s staying over.
For example, if your water bill has gone up by 30%, then it makes sense that she (or Noah) should pay the difference. It seems like you may be more annoyed at her being there all the time, which is understandable, especially if it affects how you get to use the shared spaces.
But I don’t think this is the way to go about it, at least without proof of how much more it’s costing.” Jolly_Cartoonist_258
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