People Tell Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories To Get Some Feedback
20. AITJ For Cancelling My Son's Birthday Party Because My In-Laws Were Late?
“My hubby & I were trying to decide whether to throw our 3-year-old a bday party with extended family or have a bday with us & my MIL/FIL. Birthdays in my hubby’s fam are big, everyone is invited. My hubby’s fam is big, he is one of 8.
They are loud, obnoxious & rude. They live in the same town as us. We are expected to attend every holiday, bday, family get-together, etc. My hubby/myself usually end up getting bullied by his fam, we are not close. His fam cannot stand me.
I am not from the town we live, my fam lives out of state. His fam is very traditional, I am flexible. We think differently politically & religiously.
About a month ago my MIL calls & asks what we are doing for my son’s bday.
She informed me that if I wasn’t going to throw a party where everyone (my husband’s siblings & their kids) was invited, then she would throw my son his bday at her house. I told my MIL that I’d throw him a party at our home & started planning.
I sent out the invites, everyone rsvp’d yes. A day before the party, my BIL contacted us & asked us to push the party back an hour so he could take his wife out for her bday dinner, she and my son share the same bday.
We didn’t want to fight & said yes. My BIL invited all of my hubby’s sibs & my MIL/FIL to the dinner. He invited us, but we passed as they were going to a nice steak house & we didn’t feel it would be great for a 3-year-old.
On the day of my son’s bday, he helped me make and decorate his bday cake. He wanted to open his gifts, but because all of my in-laws had to be around to watch him open them, I had to keep telling him no throughout the day.
We went out for dinner, while there my hubby gets a text from his bro, asking him to push the party back another hour. Apparently, everyone arrived late, they had to wait to be seated and were waiting to order/get their food. Our party was supposed to start at 5 & has now been pushed to 7.
At 6:45 we got a text asking us to push it back to 7:30, it was taking a while to get their check. My hubby told his fam that if they weren’t at our house by 7:30 then the party would be canceled.
At 7:30 no one was at our house.
My husband called his mom to find out where they were. They were leaving the restaurant which was 20ish mins away from our house. I was mad, my 3-year-old was falling asleep & my hubby was done. He canceled the party & told his fam not to come over.
I ended up putting my son to bed. At 8 there was banging on our door, it was my MIL and one of my BILs. They started screaming at my hubby about how awful & selfish he was. I came downstairs & my BIL told me that everyone hated me & that I was the ‘problem’ in the family.
My husband pushed them out our door & told them again to leave. 5 minutes later, 2 of my SILs showed up. My husband stepped out onto our front porch as they screamed at him & told him I was crazy & needed therapy. He told them to leave too.
I feel awful and need to know, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“OMG NTJ. Your in-laws are horrible, selfish, entitled jerks. It’s more likely that they wanted to push the party back because they were all having such a good time and didn’t want to go to a silly party for a kid, wouldn’t matter whose kid it was other than their own.
Stay as far away from these people as you possibly can. You already know they don’t like you, it’s clear they think very little of your son as well. To expect you to rearrange your son’s special day just to accommodate their fun is beyond wretched.” sharirogers
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – the nerve someone has got to have to be upset over this is beyond me. You tried to accommodate them several times. You went above and beyond what’s reasonable to expect, pushed back the party several times and they still failed to even show up at a reasonable time.
Then they show up to yell at you when your three-year-old has gone to bed. Tell them to get lost and stop trying to please them. They’re obviously oblivious to what respectful and civil manners are. It’s not your job to teach them. It sucks for your husband but his family is not the center of the universe.” mexigogen
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely and categorically NTJ!
His family is a toxic and vile bag of jerks. Please, for the love of everything that is good in this wretched world, move as far away as possible. If you don’t they will infect your life like the virulent fungus they so clearly are.
If you can’t do it for the sake of your own happiness and sanity, then do it for your son. He is at that age where he is becoming more aware of what is happening around him and sensing your anxiety and distress. You do NOT want to expose your lovely little fella to that!
Good luck!” Present_Pension_6053
19. AITJ For Arguing With My Roommate About His Friend Prohibiting Me From Smoking?
“I’m a smoker. I never smoke inside. The other day my roommate had some friends over. It was the one day of the week I had off, and since I work the second shift I just asked them to be quiet so I could sleep.
They weren’t and I had to get up 2 hours earlier than I would for work. So I got up and made a coffee and got ready to go outside for a smoke.
As I’m getting my lighter my roommate’s friend says he’s not comfortable with smoking.
I laugh and said it’s fine I’m going outside anyway. He says ‘No. I’m not comfortable with you smoking while I’m here.’ Which took me aback. I said that’s unfortunate but I live here so I’m going out for a smoke. My roommate chimed in with ‘you can go without for a few hours, it’s fine,’ which really annoyed me since they were over for 6 hours.
I didn’t say anything and just went back to my room.
After his friends left I went out to talk to him and said that ‘I’m not okay with you bringing people over who feel entitled to police my behavior,’ which started an argument between us.
My side is that I live here and I shouldn’t have to change all of my behavior/habits to make his friends comfortable. His side is that he also lives here and should be able to have his friends over and that I should be willing to adapt for a few hours to make them comfortable.
I’m standing firm and told him that next time they’re over for that long I will be going out for a smoke and if they’re not okay with that they can hang out somewhere else.
Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I do want to point out that you made the decision to comply.
We don’t have control over what other people expect. We do have control over what we decide to do. You could have just continued outside to smoke. What you actually did was reinforce the belief that it was someone else’s decision whether you smoke or not.
Not complying next time will cause a stronger negative reaction now but you can still turn this around. Don’t play into the myth that you have to please everyone. That’s a weakness easily exploited.” LeilaDFW
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. House pests, er I mean house guests, don’t dictate rules in your own home, shared or not.
Next time, go outside and close the door. Find a comfy seat and enjoy your coffee and smoke.
When they are visiting again and bring it up, you should ask them when they are going to invite you over so you can go sit outside their place to have a smoke, since if they think they can dictate rules there then you would like to do the same.” QuartzGargoyle_2022
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – neither your roommate nor his friends have any control over what you do. I would have walked right past them to go outside and smoke, I wouldn’t have let them control me. You need a new roommate or you need to put your foot down right now so that they will not tell you what you can and cannot do.
The point you made is that strangers can’t boss you around in your own place. His point is that he and his friends CAN boss you around in your own place. His point is invalid. Don’t ever let people tell you what to do like that.
Stand your ground.” SquishyBeth77
18. AITJ For Taking Funds From My Mom To Buy Food?
“I (22F) got out of a bad breakup 5 months ago and I’ve been doing a lot of emotional eating to cope with it, we were together for 3 years. It was a bad relationship because it was really toxic and unhealthy for me. But yeah I’ve been eating a lot more food lately to try and cope.
I know it isn’t particularly healthy but it’s a really hard habit to break.
Anyway, I’m currently staying at my mom’s house for a little while after Easter. Last night, I was really upset thinking about my relationship and I wanted to drive to McDonalds but I didn’t have any money on me so I took some from my mom’s money pot.
The story behind the money pot is that it’s money for anybody to use, when I lived here I was always allowed to use it for money for the bus, going out with friends, etc. I looked at what I was going to buy on the website and I took 35 dollars to cover my meal. I ate there and then came home while everybody was asleep.
My mom woke up this morning and asked me where the money had gone. I told her that I thought everyone was allowed to use it and she told me I’m an adult with an income now so I have just stolen from her.
Apparently, money is tighter than it used to be and she really needed that 35 dollars. I tried to explain my situation to her and the fact that I just really needed some food at that time and she said that it was a nonsense excuse and that I’m just getting lazy and fat.
She told me that I need to pay her back by Friday or she was not speaking to me anymore. Am I the jerk for ‘stealing from her’? The money pot used to be for everyone so I didn’t mean to steal I feel really bad.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – You should have asked since you don’t actually leave there. And it seems that when you left they were awake since you said you ate there and they were asleep when you got back, so you could have asked. Did you fail to ask because you knew she would say no?
Also, you do have an income so you should pay your mother back. $35 for McDs? Look I’m a very big girl so I’m not trying to shame anyone for what they eat. However, knowing that you didn’t have the money and took money from someone else, do you really think that spending $35 on food was the right thing to do?
I get that you needed something at the time but when you don’t have your own money and are taking from somewhere else you don’t do it with $35. Like that’s 3 full meals and a milkshake/dessert. Even if it was ‘passive’ income that everyone could use do you really think that she was going to be okay with you spending that much on some Mcds?
Like a few dollars for the bus or whatever, while you lived at home, is completely different than $35 for McDs when you aren’t living at home.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You don’t live there anymore, so you should have assumed you didn’t have open access to the money pot.
You should not have taken any money without asking. You’re also not taking any responsibility for your mistake or unhealthy coping.
Your mom was right to be upset with you. The name-calling, however, was simply hurtful and is a poor way to treat her daughter.
And unless you have a history of stealing/taking advantage of her, that ultimatum sounds disproportionate. But yeah, you need to pay her back and apologize as soon as possible.” Cranberry_Chaos
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
I understand the being upset, but, Sweetie, you need to find a therapist that can help you.
I get it, I was a binge eater, too. I still have those tendencies. And what you are doing is literally an eating disorder and an addiction.
You’re being a jerk to yourself, first and foremost.
But let’s move on to the real issue. You should have asked before taking money from a home you don’t live in anymore.
You shouldn’t be spending that much at a fast food place, either.
You are an adult. And even if the relationship was toxic, that does not give you the excuse to be toxic to your family and your body, especially 5 months out.
I’m in the camp of ‘everyone should see a therapist every now and then,’ so please don’t take that as an insult.
But you need help. It’s out of hand to where you’re stealing. You are a food addict.” gingerlady9
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. I don’t think you did anything malicious and it was really a misunderstanding, but your mother is not wrong that you are an adult with an income.
If you want to emotionally eat $35 of McDonald’s that is your prerogative and should be on your dime. Your mother went overboard saying she was never going to speak to you again over, again, what was really a misunderstanding. Pay her back and use your own income next time.” RiddleUsThis
17. AITJ For Hiding Food From My Roommates?
“I live with four roommates and their partners, making it a crowded house. My main issue with them is that they eat all of the food too quickly. Whenever I buy snacks, cheese, milk, or any other food item, it’s gone in just a couple of days.
This bothers me a lot because, to be honest, I don’t like sharing food. While the other guys do contribute to buying food, I don’t eat their food even though it’s shared among everyone. I prefer to buy my own food.
The final straw was when I had a box of pizza with only three slices left, which I had put in the fridge the night before, and in the morning, it was gone.
To solve this issue, I bought a fridge and put it in the pool house that we have. It wasn’t too big, but it was big enough for me to store all of the food I bought.
The other guys found out about this, and we had a big argument.
They called me selfish and a food hoarder, stating that since we all live together, we should share food with each other.
Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“Nope NTJ. If you are not eating their food, they have nothing to complain about.
I am sure that there is potentially an argument someone will say about ‘you should have talked about it with them first instead of sneaking around’ but no. You do not need permission to buy your own appliance, you don’t need permission to buy food and store it in your own appliances, you are not obligated to feed other people, and you are not obligated to engage in discussion with your roommates before making any of the above decisions, as if you need their permission.” Oishiio42
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. From now on, each couple or individual needs to buy their own food. Each shelf in the fridge and pantry should be marked with each person or couple’s name, plus one shelf for community food that everyone can eat. Also, you can buy your own mini fridge and small locker for your own stuff and keep it in your room locked at all times.
If there’s an opportunity for you to get a doorknob with a lock for your bedroom door, do it so they can’t get to your stuff. Put everything in literal chains if you have to. People taking your food is rude and selfish.” sharirogers
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – there are some items that make sense to have in common, like oil or flour, but even married couples don’t eat each other’s leftovers! That’s just rude!! If they aren’t going to be respectful and ask you before eating your pizza, then you have no choice but to keep it elsewhere.
That seems like a pretty reasonable solution, as long as you’re pulling your weight in terms of chipping in for the things you keep in common. If you’re keeping all your food for yourself and then eating all their stuff, that would not be cool.
Also, pro tip – if there’s ever anything I don’t want my husband to eat, I hide it in the vegetable drawer, under the lettuce.” hectare_rebel
16. AITJ For Snapping At My Sister For Her Passive-Aggressive Remarks About People Getting Into Top Colleges?
“I (18f) applied to many colleges and I didn’t get into my top choices but still got into a few good ones.
Since then everyone’s been a mix of disappointed and shown pity towards me. It hurts me because I tried so hard and also it just feels bad. On my social media, everyone’s posting about getting into top colleges and stuff. Good for them because I know they deserved it!
I’m happy for them.
My sister keeps randomly telling me ‘Oh! Did u know XXX got into Stanford?’ or ‘YYY got into blank’ and I’m like ‘Omg!’ or ‘Cool! That’s so good for them,’ every time but she keeps doing this.
And it just feels worse and worse every time as if she’s trying to rub in my face that these other people got in and I didn’t. I mean maybe that’s not her intention but it sure feels that way.
When she did it again, I just snapped and said ‘Ok you don’t need to tell me every time you find out that someone got into a college I was rejected from.
I’m happy for them but… really? Chances are I already know they got in because they’re in my grade and I follow them,’ and she got all mad at me and cold-shouldered and just stared at her phone the rest of the walk back home.
AITJ for getting mad at her? I know she probably didn’t mean it and I shouldn’t have snapped.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – her reaction to you snapping is proof that what she was doing was intentional. A caring sister would have apologized immediately for not realizing she was hurting you.
Yes, you should have handled it better, but while you aren’t sure of her motives, I definitely AM sure that it was intentional. Her response proved it, and let me also add that in the world of reach admissions, it is generally known that you DO NOT comment on admission status; it’s rude.
You don’t give your sister’s age, but since she was raised in the same culture as you, and knows where others have gotten into, I have to assume that she SHOULD know this is the respectful norm.
So, stop doubting her motives, and realize that your sister WAS being mean, and you called her out on it, which is why she is now cold-shouldering you when in actuality, you could be cold-shouldering HER for being so insensitive and uncaring.” OkSeat4312
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ
I understand how frustrating that must be for you to hear about it constantly, but there was a better way to approach this. Instead of waiting until you snap, a simple ‘Hey sis, I know you mean well, but you sharing that my friend got into a college I got rejected from stings a little.
I’d appreciate it if you refrained from telling me.’
That way you’ve communicated your position before it becomes a problem. And if she still does it? Then you snap.” famine90
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re entitled to tell people in your face to leave you be.
We all have to draw a line and self-protect sometimes.
So, maybe tell her what your SAT scores were and leave it be. It can feel like someone is twisting the knife in us when we’re already feeling insecure and disappointed. Tell her that it would be fine if she showed you some support and compassion.
But, right now, she seems aggressively competitive with you and you are out of patience with that.
Ask her where she plans to go to college and what her GPA is. Maybe then she’ll appreciate that you’re tired of her shenanigans. Her feelings aren’t more important to you than your own, after all.
And congratulations, by the way. You get to feel pride in your accomplishments.” AndSoItGoes24
15. AITJ For Telling My Friend To Stop Complaining About Her Being Skinny?
“I am in college and I have a friend, Rebecca, she is quite small. I’m heavier on the other hand. We have these sensors at the doors that will unlock the door at the resident halls. They are not great, but get the job done usually.
Rebecca hates them, she will run into the door at least once a week since they don’t pick her up on the sensor and unlock the door.
She complains about it every single day. I am so sick of hearing it. I used to try to shift the conversation to something else but it would continue the next day.
We were walking to dinner and she ran into the door and so she started complaining again. I had enough and told her to shut up about it, I get that she is skinny and the sensor sucks. She got quiet and called me a jerk.
She told the rest of her friends what I said and now everyone is mad at me. I’m just so sick of hearing about it.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Your approach was rude and quite unnecessary. There are politer ways of handling this situation. On the other hand, hearing the same thing constantly every day is very annoying – even more so if it’s inadvertently bringing up your own insecurities.
Nevertheless, since you were so explosive, I think you should apologize to your friend and just explain why you got so agitated. Chances are she didn’t mean it the way you thought she meant it. If she has to go through that door every day with struggle, it’s understandable why she would complain.” Apart-Spring3491
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
It sounds like she’s upset about a valid complaint about her living arrangement. She’s not mad that she’s skinny. She’s mad that the door doesn’t work for her. I could understand being annoyed about listening to her constantly complain about it if she brought it up all the time out of nowhere or worked it into unrelated conversations, but it sounds like she only brought it up again because it had literally just happened again.” PhileasFoggsTrvlAgt
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Your friend is frustrated about repeatedly running into a door because the sensor is too crappy to pick her up. It doesn’t sound like she is complaining because ‘uwu I am so tiny and precious this sensor can’t pick up my tiny little body’.
She is complaining about a legitimate problem, that is causing her to RUN INTO DOORS.
It seems to me like you’re warping this issue into a fat vs skinny issue, because of your own personal insecurities. I understand body image issues, and I can understand being annoyed about skinny people complaining about things that make no objective sense (skinny people calling themselves fat, etc), but you were WAY out of line here and owe your friend an apology.” ceIestialwaves
14. AITJ For Not Helping My Sister After She Promoted Her Marketing Scheme At My Wedding?
“I (29f) married my wife in October last year. Best day of my life. My sister Bianca (32f) has been in an MLM (multi-level marketing) for almost 3 years. She has seriously become another person since she started her ‘business’.
We share some group chats and there’s not a day that goes by that she doesn’t send out catalogs, promotions, and walls of text about how lucrative the opportunity is.
About the topic. It was the beginning of the wedding reception. My wife and I are talking to some of our guests when our wedding planner frantically approaches us and tells us that there is a guest handing out MLM business cards to arriving guests.
Turns out it was Bianca.
I asked her to stop and she did, except she spent the whole night trying to talk people into the business. In the grand scheme of things, what Bianca did was insignificant because my wife and I were very happy that day and there were no major problems, but I still get angry when I think about how uncomfortable it must have been for the guests who were subjected to her presentation.
Fortunately, they graciously accepted our apologies.
Every time my wedding is mentioned, someone is sure to mention my crazy sister who was promoting her MLM. So incredibly embarrassing. Bianca and I haven’t had a lot of contact since then.
Yesterday my mom called me and after a bit of catching up, she told me that my sister’s business hasn’t been doing very well and she’s been struggling to meet her monthly quotas so now she’s behind on rent and needs help.
Bianca asked my mom for help and she in turn asked me to help her. I said absolutely no. She embarrassed me at my wedding, she didn’t even apologize and I was absolutely sure she was going to use whatever I gave her to get into another MLM now that this one was no longer working for her.
My mom said that I’m cruel and rude. She said that she did not raise me to betray my family. I told her that she is just feeding my sister’s fantasy world and making her believe that at some point she is going to be successful with her MLM.
AITJ? We’re not on speaking terms right now.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Unfortunately, most of the major MLMs utilize a form of brainwashing that we see in cults and extremists, where ingroup behavior requires complete commitment to belong and people who are not in the group need to be inculcated and ‘educated’ in order to be saved. Your sister is subject to it and espousing the practice because she’s been convinced that her financial welfare is impossible without it.
If MLMs taught a skill, we wouldn’t hear such horror stories, but that won’t make them as much. You are right to say what you did and your mom is enabling her by diminishing your sister’s engagement with you so she can get set back in reality.” OptmstcExstntlst
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your sister didn’t even apologize. If your mom is so concerned about not being rude and not betraying family, why isn’t your mom upset at your sister for what she did? So rudeness is okay when she does it but bad when you do it?
(And actually, you’re not being rude. You don’t have to help her get out of a mess that SHE created.)
It makes sense that you think your sister would waste your funds on MLM crap. Your mom may not realize how bad MLMs are. You should talk to your mom about the problems with MLMs and why they cause trouble for most people who join them.
Then maybe Mom will understand, and then Mom could talk to your sister about it.
Ugggghhhhh this is why I don’t like MLMs. They not only mess up people’s relationships with friends and family… they also cause people to struggle financially. People buy into this dream and they don’t understand what they’re getting into, yet it’s so hard for them to admit they made a bad decision.
Your sister really needs to find a job.” sachiprecious
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her chickens have come home to roost. She engaged in predatory behavior by repeatedly sending catalogs and walls of texts filled with lies about the ‘opportunity’ the MLM offers and used you and your wedding to try to rope people into it.
You’re not obligated to help your family dig themselves out of their own mistakes. She’s 32 years old. She is old enough to use common sense & critical thinking to realize when something’s going bad and it’s not your responsibility to sacrifice your own financial well-being for your sister’s mistakes.
She may be in a bad place, but she consciously used you, your friends, and your family to get there. Don’t let her use you to get out of it. If your mom is this upset about your decision, why doesn’t your mom help her?” gyokuro8882
13. AITJ For Demanding Payment For The Makeup My Brother's Kids Destroyed?
“For Easter, we had a family dinner at my house with my brother (34M) and his kids (12F and 14M), our parents, my wife (27F), my sister (26F), and myself (30M).
I have the space and means to do so, and it was a really nice get-together, up until my wife went into our bedroom and saw my niece and nephew destroying her makeup in the connected bathroom. They had dug into her eyeshadow palettes with her brushes and poured out her foundations into them, and a bunch of her compacts were in the sink soaked in water.
She immediately freaked out, and I rushed to the room when I heard her yelling. When I saw what was happening, I grabbed both of them and marched them into the living room. I told my brother what they did, that they needed to leave now, and that I would speak with him later.
He told me I was overreacting, to which I responded by telling him to get out of my house. My parents didn’t understand until they saw the giant mess the kids had made, and my sister said I was out of line, but she understood.
My wife is absolutely devastated, as she got really into makeup in 2020, even started posting to social media, and has spent a lot on her collection. She’s spent over $4,000 on it, and the collection is her pride and joy. She went through what was destroyed, and they ended up destroying $1,500 worth of makeup.
Monday afternoon, I messaged my brother and told him he needed to pay my wife back for what his kids destroyed, and I sent him the total. My wife even pulled up the cost of each item ruined, and I sent that to him as well.
He told me to screw off and that he wouldn’t be paying that much, but he’s willing to replace one of the palettes. I said that’s not enough and that since his kids destroyed very important items, he needs to replace them or pay the cost of them.
He got my dad involved, and he said it was unreasonable for me to ask for that much of him, but I feel like it’s fair.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The kids are in their TEENS and destroying people’s property as if they’re toddlers.
He needs to take a step back and look at how he’s raising these kids. The way they’re acting says a lot about his inability to parent.
Makeup isn’t cheap, and his lack of accountability speaks volumes. He needs to replace the products himself or buy your wife a gift card to Sephora for the full amount.
Better yet, he should make his kids get work summer jobs to pay back the cost of the makeup they destroyed.” roseradex
Another User Comments:
“THEY ARE TWELVE AND FOURTEEN?! This was NOT an accident or just kids not knowing better; this is the behavior of kids no older than 6.
This was on purpose. These kids are probably extremely spoiled and have never ever faced consequences for their actions or been taught to care about other people—not even their things, but their feelings!
NTJ! Your brother and his kids are major jerks, though! If he refuses to pay, take legal action.
1.5k worth of INTENDED, DELIBERATE damages by TEENAGERS and he REFUSES to pay? Nah, I’d be suing and cutting contact over this.
Tell your wife I am so, so sorry. Someone willingly destroying something you love and your ‘only’ way of doing your favorite hobby is so cruel, I hope she can rebuild her collection.” sp4nkthru
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and in my opinion, you should go nuclear. I think you should call your brother and tell him you are not letting this slide. He has two choices: either hand over $1500 immediately (no payment plans allowed), or you will be filing a police report in preparation for taking him to small claims court.
If he doesn’t pay within a couple of days, follow through. You need to file that police report right away.
If you do anything less than this, you will be enabling your niece and nephew to continue down this destructive path they are on.
You need to hold them accountable; it’s for their own good since their parents won’t.” CPSue
12. WIBTJ If I Put Up "No Trespassing" And "Private Property" Signs?
“My husband and I bought our house last year. We have a very long driveway (500–600 ft). We live next door to a camp for veterans. They provide housing for veterans who do not have family or housing of their own.
The goal is to help them get back on their feet. We live in a rural area. The camp has about 42 acres of land total, plus a solid 5 acres that are grassy areas they can use. We have 2.5 acres and clearly defined property lines.
People from this camp have come on our property several times, and I have called and spoken with the director of the camp, asking them to advise their residents to stay on the camp’s property.
Also important to note: There is a trail that runs in the woods behind our house. Partially on our property and partially on theirs. We both have our own entrance to the trail. We have no problem with them using the trail (even if it is on our property), but we have asked them to use their own entrance to enter and exit the trail.
We have a doorbell camera and another camera on the front of the house pointed towards the driveway. We do not have any other cameras, but we are planning on putting more cameras along the sides and back of the house.
Incident #1 (March 2022): Two people with dogs came up the trail and into our yard.
They looked in our wishing well and went around the side of the house and near the garage. Just generally poking around. I called the camp and explained what had happened and why I was concerned. They apologized and said one of their residents was a recovering heavy drinker and was known to hide liquor, and they thought there might be some on our property.
I asked them to please not come on the property again and to use their own trail entrance.
Incident #2 (December 2022): This winter, I was working on a project with a friend inside. My back was to the window, and she was facing the window. She said someone was walking around the front yard and driveway area.
There was a man with a dog on a leash walking through the front of our yard. He went up to the camp afterward. I did not approach him or call them this time.
Incident #3 (April 2023): The camp provides a food pantry for local veterans in the community.
During this event, two people walked down from the camp and into our driveway or front yard. They had a discussion about whether or not someone lived there and poked around a bit. We have a swing set, grill, garden beds, flags, and plenty of other things that would indicate someone lives there.
I called the camp and again requested that they not come on our property.
There have been other times that they have used our trail entrance to enter or exit the trail. Probably about 5-7 times total. I have not contacted the camp when these have occurred.
I want to put up no trespassing signs or private property signs, but my husband said that is too much and that I would be the jerk. So, AITJ? Do you have any advice on how to proceed with the situation?”
Another User Comments:
“You are exposing yourself financially to a huge lawsuit if one of these people gets hurt wandering around on your property.
As someone with a big property, if I were you, I’d call the director and tell him/her that you can’t risk anything any longer and will need to start calling the sheriff if they keep trespassing. Get a nice, nasty letter from a lawyer threatening a suit if they can’t control their people, veterans or not.
They have no right to trespass on your property. Definitely NTJ unless you continue to do nothing and allow them to mosey around your property.” Kwajboi
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ. Do it. You’ve asked nicely several times. They are not listening. If the signs are on your property and are advising people that your land is private, you could start filing formal complaints, which I’d consider if they aren’t doing anything to stop their tenants from appearing on your land.
Plus, if you mark your property, there won’t be any excuses if you catch people poking around.” BananaAnna2008
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to do this in order to remove liability from yourself should something happen to anyone trespassing on your property, but also to justify yourself in the event you have to defend yourself from anyone with nefarious intent.
This has nothing to do with being a veteran and everything to do with being willing to trespass on someone’s private property.
You said you have plenty of things that indicate your property is not abandoned or condemned; furthermore, I imagine you keep your property in good condition, yet people continue to trespass and linger.
The staff of that facility has no business looking for hidden liquor on your property. You are adults, and if you had left a wine bottle or what have you outside, would they have stolen it or disposed of it under the guise of doing their job by the veteran?
This facility is exhibiting extremely unprofessional behavior. Both as a facility and individually (staff members and clients). This should not have happened more than once.
You should not only post a private property sign but also hire a lawyer to write an official letter to the facility and deliver it by certified mail or courier, explaining all the issues and your request that they stop, or you will have to take further action.
Also talk with your local sheriff, if only to inform them of what has occurred so far and that you are now placing signage designating your property as ‘No Trespassing.’
You have shown a great deal of patience and restraint, but the facility and its clientele have taken advantage of your good nature long enough.
They are walking all over your property and you as well. I understand the desire not to rock the boat considering the goal of the facility is to help veterans, but this does not excuse their behavior towards their neighbors.” Foreverforgettable
11. AITJ For Visiting My Mom Every Month?
“I am an only child and have been very close with my mother. I am now like 3 hours away in DC, and my mom is still in New York. I usually like to take a quick train ride to see her once a month to keep myself involved in her life, and vice versa.
I am an only child—an only daughter, to be exact—and she has always gone out of her way to put me first and to give me the best life possible. To this day, she is still very involved in my life. By the way, my mom is in her 50s.
My husband and her do not get along at all; he barely has anything to do with her. The only person that my mom feels comfortable around is me because I guess she has known me the longest. My mom is remarried, and my husband does not like my stepdad either.
She really is happy when I visit once a month, and I feel like it is my job and responsibility to be there for her.
My mom visited me so much before 2020, but now she has been worried for the past two years because she does have underlying conditions.
So I just take the train and visit her alone. Sometimes when my husband comes home, I hang out with a friend or another family member while I am with my mom.
He gets annoyed when I visit her once a month, saying that I am not putting my marriage first, that I need to put my foot down and have her visit, and why do I need to see her so often?
My mom is now at that stage where she agrees that parents get older and it’s better for you to come there. Plus, when I go there, she feels that she doesn’t need a hotel.
My mom pays for my train tickets to and from her house to visit her.
I just wish my husband would accept this. We do really nice stuff every weekend and spend plenty of time together. It’s just Saturday through Sunday, so I am not sure what the problem is.
AITJ for continuing to do this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your husband is not being fair to you. This should not be an argument between you two, so long as you’re not breaking plans with him and going to your mom’s on a whim. If they’re mostly planned and don’t conflict, then he should enjoy the chance to have his time as well.
If my MIL wasn’t the kind of person she was and my wife wanted to go visit her on a regular basis, I’d be all for it.
You do need to put your foot down and tell him that he’s out of line and needs to be the understanding one.” Cfx99
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your mother is openly hostile to your husband. I’d be annoyed too if my wife was spending 1/4 of our free time every month with someone who actively dislikes me, even if it was her parents.
Your mom sounds like a piece of work, by the way.
Clearly, she feels the need to be the number one priority in your life, and you enable her so much that it’s affecting your marriage. Your mom needs therapy; you and your husband need couples counseling.” barelybearish
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Once a month is not very often.
You aren’t spending his (or your) money on the tickets. He doesn’t have to go at all. I’m not sure why he’s being such a jerk about it. Continue visiting your mother, because, unfortunately, when the day comes, she will know that her only daughter cared for her through all her troubles.
Putting your mother ‘above’ your marriage is such a manipulative thing for him to say; he’s just trying to guilt-trip you into not seeing your mother. I’m not sure what his problem is, but he needs to back off.” EpilepticSeizures
10. AITJ For Not Wanting To Connect With My Half-Siblings?
“My (22F) sperm donor Chris was not a father to me in any way. He would tell my mom how he loved her and promised to marry her. But he kept her a secret from others and eventually started a family with a different woman who his family viewed as being more ‘respectable.’
Chris would save face to others by playing the victim and saying how he loved me ‘with all his heart’ but my ‘jealous’ mom kept me away from him ‘out of spite.’ In reality, my mom would beg Chris to spend time with me.
Many times when my mom thought I was asleep, I overheard her offering to pay Chris just to visit me. There was more than one instance where Chris agreed, took the money, but then made an excuse and didn’t come.
On the rare occasion that Chris did spend time with me, his dismissive actions and degrading comments toward me made it clear that I did not matter compared to his new children.
As a teenager, I gave up on Chris and focused on healing and moving on. There’s still a lot of pain that I am processing since I spent so much of my childhood and adolescence chasing Chris’s approval/acknowledgment and never getting it.
Chris and his wife are divorcing. I know because my half-brother Zander reached out to me recently. Zander (20M) brought my younger half-brother Joey (15M) to meet me. I reminded them of the way Chris treated me (they were often present and observed many of Chris’ dismissive actions and degrading comments toward me.) But they were only willing to believe the version of Chris that they grew up with, insisting that he was a great father and that I should ‘forgive’ him.
Zander asked to start having regular meetings. I explained that I was sorry, but I do not want to keep interacting with him and Joey. I need to focus on taking care of my own mental health right now, and I know it’s going to be hurt by me interacting with the children who 1) Chris left me for and 2) keep insisting he was a great father and that I should forgive him.
Zander kept telling me to reconsider. Because their sister Tina is no longer with them and Joey is really hopeful/excited about having a sister again. (According to Zander, what happened to Tina has a big role in why Chris and his wife are separating.) I told Zander that I am sorry about all that is happening to him and Joey, but that he needs to find a different person to be Joey’s ‘new’ sister because that person can’t be me right now.
Zander called me selfish and heartless.
I was explaining the situation to an acquaintance, and she told me that I should have more empathy for Joey because he’s a kid in an unfair family situation just like I was. And that I should make an effort since Joey just really wants to have a sister again.
I think distance is kinder to both of us. I don’t want to give Joey any more hope about having a sister again just for the relationship to likely turn sour or be cut off. And I don’t think having empathy should mean putting myself in a position that I know will hurt my mental health.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your half-brothers are their father’s sons – they don’t care about your feelings, only their own wants. This is not surprising, given who raised them, but that in no way obligates you to overlook all this bitter history and provide some sort of Hallmark moment for them.
I don’t see any reason why you should have to have any further contact at all with them – block and focus on your own mental and emotional recovery. I’m so sorry you had to go through this, but I do hope that you will find a ‘family of choice’ in the future that will treat you with the love and kindness you deserve.” Dipping_My_Toes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is just sad all around. You have every right to draw any boundaries you need to in order to take care of your own emotional health. Xander is gaslighting you about the circumstances of your own life and that is not healthy.
As far as Joey goes, it is sad for him but ultimately not your responsibility. If they were willing to believe you when you talk about your own experience with your biological father, that would be one thing.
However, since they don’t, it is clearly unhealthy for you.
Don’t feel guilty about doing what you need to do to take care of yourself. There’s also a chance that Chris is putting them both up to this, which would be really sick and twisted. Best of luck to you.” NAAFLS
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, although these kids are not to blame for what Chris did. I do think it’s weird for them to think that they can ‘replace’ Tina with you. Your relationship with them would be very different than their relationship with Tina would be. But you’ve got a very good point about not promising things you can’t offer.
If you’re not in an emotional place where you can keep contact with them without the relationship souring, then it IS better for you to keep your distance. Maybe later a relationship can grow naturally, but right now you seem to be aware of what your needs and boundaries are, and good for you for knowing and for sticking to them!” Constellation-88
9. WIBTJ If I Report A Classmate For Intimidation And Harrassment?
“I am a student in a rather competitive technology course at a college. There is a fellow student in the course called Bob.
3 weeks ago, Bob and I attended an apprenticeship networking event.
I thought the event went well. I got loads of connections and some notable leads on jobs within the tech sector.
A day later, Bob messaged in a group student chat for the course (of which I am the founder) that I purposely forgot his name multiple times in front of recruiters to make him look bad, and insulted him.
I have dyslexia, and it manifests in not remembering names. In a context where loads of different people are sharing their names, this gets progressively worse.
I informed him that the group chat is not a place to discuss this, but I sincerely have an issue with remembering names.
I’m happy to talk with him in private about this. I sent him a personal message and offered conflict resolution discussions. He didn’t reply.
A week later, he writes a really insulting and incendiary message in the group chat, stating that I avoided him and other students all night, shouted at another person in the networking event to make him look bad, purposely forgot his name, insulted him, condescended him, etc. He said I ‘messed with the wrong person’.
I then messaged him that I wasn’t sure what he was going through, but I’m going to have to kick him from the group, but he’s welcome back once things calm down on his end. I then kicked him.
A week later, he personally messaged me, telling me I’m a loser and to screw myself.
I reply by telling him that I’m open to a mature and productive discussion to resolve any differences. He replies by insulting my previous profession (9 years as a firefighter), telling me all I did was make tea, that I have an inferiority complex, need to mention this (when I’ve only mentioned it before when people ask me my background, that he has done psychology in university and that I’m ‘in my head before I speak’, and further insults.
Finally, he tells me to stay away from him in college, as he ‘could be a lot worse’ than he has been on WhatsApp.
The college is quite small. We’d probably bump into each other in classrooms, in the hall, and in the lifts… what am I meant to do?
WIBTJ if I reported him for intimidation and harassment?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This is tough. Reporting it might escalate what might go away once he calms down. But, at the same time, this might not be just him blowing off steam and could escalate all on its own.
I would recommend gathering as much info as you can now. Screenshots of all chats (both his and yours). If it happened in person, start writing down conversations, dates, and times. I would block him in almost all places you can and stop replying to him immediately.
If he engages with you, document it but don’t engage. This will show his pattern of behavior and yours. Hopefully, it won’t come to anything more. But, if it does you can show he has responded with anger and threats and you have chosen not to engage.” SmugPop7
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This isn’t childish, it’s very serious. Bob has escalated his actions multiple times and is now threatening violence. That is what ‘I can be worse in person’ is about. It’s a veiled threat of physical violence. This is important to report for multiple reasons.
Your safety has been threatened, and it is important to have the actual facts of the matter documented in case it escalates (either with him starting to escalate his digital harassment or going physical or by him starting to make accusations to the school authorities.
No matter which one happens you want the actual history to be documented).
People like this rarely behave like this in isolation. You are not likely to be the first or only person he targets like this and if you report it, it may help support someone else who is being treated similarly.” SheepPup
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Report him. His language and behavior are completely unacceptable, and even if no action is taken against him, you will want the precedent officially recorded in case he does come at you again. Other than that, avoid him, it sounds like he won’t make much of himself behaving that way so you might not have to deal with him for as long as you think.” Boddokki
8. AITJ For Ditching My Friends Who Were Ruining My Vacation With My Fiancé?
“A few months ago I (25f) had a weekend getaway planned with my fiancé (26m) and best friend (25f) for my fiancé’s birthday. We spent about a month planning out all of the events, getting hard-to-get reservations, and rented some cute clothes for the trip.
We had a shared note with all the plans and a few alternatives. Every reservation we had cost $40-$50 per head. We also got on VIP lists for a DJ on the night of my fiancé’s birthday.
About a week before we left, my friend asked if she could bring the new guy she’s hooking up with and his sister, who I’ll call (Iv), and we said yes.
We adjusted all the reservations to include them and asked them if there was anything they wanted to add, they said no.
The day came to fly out. They are fighting with the airline crew on how ‘slow’ they are and that Iv has to pay extra for being obese and needing 2 seats.
We get through security and get to the airport bar. Iv starts hitting on all the older guys. Everyone moved away from us. We shared an Uber in Vegas to the hotel and stopped at a liquor store. They bought a half gal of cheap booze and a chaser, while my fiancé and I got two nicer smaller bottles.
We get to the hotel to check in and it’s another scene. They can’t afford their hotel room, yelled at the desk lady. They asked if I would put my card down for them, no. Instead, we all downgraded to stay together and get rooms next door.
We get to our rooms and they are so loud people are coming out of their rooms to check out what is going on. We went over there to drink and try to get them to quiet down and they tried to drink all of our nice booze.
We tried to take it back after we only got 1 drink each and they were taking shots. They screamed at us and demanded our bottle back. To keep the peace, we left it there and said we should just go get food.
Another fight, they are mad we aren’t clubbing… at 8 pm.
We order an Uber to the Taco Bell, cantina, and towards the clubs we wanted to go to that night. The scene in Taco Bell – Iv can’t walk or navigate. We had to take her back to the hotel. We called it a night and just walked around since we were mostly sober.
Get back to the hotel and they are gone. Not my problem they are adults. We went to bed and woke up at 4 am to them banging on our door because they just got back. the following morning they missed all of our reservations. Wouldn’t answer and when we finally ran into them they said they just wanted to be wasted by the pool all day and don’t care that we had plans, too hungover.
I asked for our booze, they drank it all. I asked for some of theirs, ‘No it’s ours’.
So my fiancé and I decided to upgrade our room and go to the plans on our own sober. We went to the concert on our own, they were too wasted to get in.
We still helped our friends when needed but we weren’t going to sit around the hotel. At the airport, they decided to announce that I was petty and ruined their trip by being ‘unavailable the whole time’ instead of talking to me directly. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“So… a couple of uninvited guests you kindly allowed to join your trip trashed your whole day on vacation, stole from you, made constant scenes, and were embarrassing and uncomfortable to be around after you adjusted to include them and they blew you off… So you un-adjusted and went back to how it would’ve been without them, and they think YOU did something wrong?
What am I even reading? Of course you’re NTJ. I’m pretty sure you could’ve gotten them straight up kicked out and ditched them, totally wasted, and I’m not even sure I’d call you a jerk even then… But no, all you did was go ‘screw this’ and had fun on your vacation.
No idea how that can be construed as ruining THEIR vacation unless their whole deal was predicated on having fun by ruining your plans and your fiancé’s birthday… Those people are jerks, not you.” Kirynn
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you badly need to upgrade your friends.
You had fully disclosed and discussed plans. None of these arrangements came as a surprise to your best friend.
You also bent over backward for them. I wouldn’t have changed my lodgings for their problem. In this case, you’d have avoided a lot of problems simply by being separated from those people.
They also didn’t use the vacation to do anything they couldn’t have done at home, except to berate and inconvenience various people along the way.
You’re NTJ for ditching them and really should have done it sooner.
Sounds like the group of friends who are berating you for what you did would have ruined your vacation as much as those who came along.
If you feel bad, feel bad about not getting the vacation you planned and paid for. Don’t feel bad for the people who tried to commandeer and ruin the whole thing.” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Any of the friends who think otherwise… keep them on a list of ‘do not travel with these people… EVER’.
It’s one thing if they decide they don’t want to, or can’t, accompany you on things that were planned. But they don’t get to be mad at you for still going along with those planned items, especially given that they’re not your friends or people you know and were invited last minute.
The person that invited them DID stay with them, so they can kick rocks.” phenomstar
7. AITJ For Going To My One Daughter's Favorite Restaurant?
“I have two daughters with two different women (14F Jade and 15F Elle) who are both in the same grade since Jade skipped a grade.
Jade is very smart and extremely competitive, while Elle is not very competitive.
A while ago, there was a test at their school. The test covered all of the subjects that they’ve learned this year, and all of the kids in their grade had to take it.
Yesterday, they got the results. Elle first arrived and happily told me that she had become 17th in their grade. I told her she did a really good job, and I’m proud of her. Then Jade came, and she was crying her eyes out, and she went to her room without saying anything.
I thought something bad had happened, but Elle told me that she was crying because she became second in their grade. That night I decided to take her to her favorite restaurant to celebrate and cheer her up a bit, so the three of us went to celebrate, and then I took the girls to their mom’s homes.
An hour later, Elle’s mom called me to tell me I’m a jerk for only celebrating Jade. I told her that it’s not like we ordered a cake with Jade’s name on it or didn’t take Elle with us. It was just dinner with both of the girls, and Jade was the one who was upset and did a better job, so of course we would go to her favorite restaurant.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Stop comparing your children to each other!
They are two separate people with different talents and abilities.
And you should really get Jade to understand that even if she tries her hardest, she will not always be first, and that’s ok.
And someone else’s accomplishment (Elle’s, for example) can also be celebrated.
Just because Elle didn’t do as well as Jade doesn’t mean that she didn’t accomplish something great for her. What you’re actually teaching your daughters is that if Elle never does as well as Jade, then it doesn’t matter how well she does or how hard she tries; she’ll never be good enough.
And, at the same time, you’re teaching Jade that her only worth comes from her comparison to others, and she’s only worthy if she does better than everyone else.
Teach them that their best effort is good enough, and that is worth celebrating!” StevieB85
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Your kids should never get the impression that you have favorites, even when it’s clear to everyone here that you do. Complete parenting failure. You have a responsibility to motivate and build up both of them, not dish out treats and affection as a prize for out-competing each other.
Elle knows you prefer Jade; that’s why her mother called you.
Also, Jade needs therapy, not spoiling. She will go completely off the rails if this is how you encourage her to react to the slightest perception of hardship. I’d be willing to bet you and/or her mother have drilled into her how proud you are that she’s so smart that she skipped a grade.
It’s entirely possible that she feels enormous pressure to keep performing in front of children older and a bit more mature than her. She has learned that your affection and esteem for her are linked to her academic performance.
Wake up.” User
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You are playing favorites based on grades, which is a poor ranking system. And there’s nothing wrong with not being competitive; not everyone is, and that doesn’t mean you are not going to do well.
I’ve known kids that did amazing in school and turned out to be duds in college or later in life, and kids that didn’t do as well in school but excelled after they graduated. What should matter is that they are doing the best job they can and improving where they can.
And know how to handle letdowns such as only being second like Jade was. Trust me, Elle was watching and seeing how you favored her sister, and she won’t forget. If not for this, I’m sure elsewhere, as you described your daughters.” KarmaWillGetYa
6. AITJ For Making My Wife Discipline Our Son?
“My (40M) wife (38F) and I have two kids, Ty (13M) and Kate (4F). While Ty is mostly a good kid, he usually picks up bad behaviors pretty quickly, so we have to watch him closely for the behaviors and content he is consuming. My wife doesn’t like being a disciplinarian, so we tried our best to cut off bad behaviors before they became a problem.
Last year, Ty got into the bad habit of sleeping late. Luckily, I caught on fast, and we pushed his bedtime to a later time, but he wasn’t allowed to have any of his electronics in his room. Unfortunately, this was around the time that I had to work overnights, and my wife was responsible for making sure he went to bed on time.
My wife wasn’t on top of things, and we ended up getting told multiple times by teachers that Ty was sleeping in class. I didn’t blame my wife because I understood that with Kate being so young, it could’ve been difficult to keep Ty in check.
But like always, I had to be the one to discipline Ty.
This year, Ty has a new friend, James. He is a good kid and so far has been a good influence on Ty; the problem is his father, Jim. Jim is a good person, as far as I can tell, but he is very vulgar and tells a lot of inappropriate jokes, even in front of kids.
We didn’t want Ty to pick up on this, so my wife and I agreed that while Ty and James can be friends, Jim can’t be the one to watch over the kids unless it is necessary.
On Monday we got called to the school, and the principal had a video of Ty, James, and a couple of their friends sitting near a camera, and Ty was telling very inappropriate jokes similar to those of Jim.
What made it worse was that James was telling Ty to stop saying inappropriate things. On our way home, my wife told me that for the past couple of weeks, Jim has been picking up the kids from school, and that might be how Ty has picked it up.
When we got home, my wife asked me what we should do. I told her that she should be the one to discipline Ty this time. She called me a jerk for leaving this up to her and said that we should do this as a ‘team’.
While I understand her, up until this time, she has always left disciplining the kids up to me, even when I ask her what we should do. And so AITJ for telling my wife she should be the one to discipline our son?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: She can’t say this needs to be a team when you are the one who has done it all by yourself in the past. Yes, I agree it needs to be a team, but she has left you to handle it all before, which isn’t fair to you.
Also, it sounds like she knew Jim was picking up the kids, which you agreed he shouldn’t be doing, in case this exact thing happened. She should have been on top of that situation, but it sounds like she was waiting until you were back and you could handle it.
Just really hope you can get your kid back on track, and maybe now also bring your wife in on discipline rather than having it all be on you.” User
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It’s hilarious that you think he could only have possibly gotten this from Jim and not from being 13 and therefore in an age and world of pushing boundaries.
Also, the late sleep is developmentally normal. You’re essentially wanting to punish your son for engaging in typical developmental behaviors, and when they’re not immediately corrected, you’re penalizing your wife and not taking any responsibility for the actual act of day-to-day parenting. Corrective behavior just makes kids sneaky.
Ongoing parenting and discussion do not.” MyPatronusIsALatte
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your wife sure is, though the fact that she leaves all the disciplining to you is totally unfair to begin with. That alone sets you up as the bad cop and allows her to be the ‘fun’ parent.
But what’s much worse is that she backs out of how you agree to parent, goes behind your back, and undermines your attempts to impose normal rules for the children. She’s seriously a bad parent for doing this. It’s wrong all over, and I would suggest going to couples counseling to work this out between you two so you can communicate this in a healthy way.” GRewind
5. AITJ For Allowing My Guests To Use The Shared Bathroom?
“I (28F) live in a 2-bed, 1.5-bath apartment with a roommate (25F). The full bath is in the hallway of the unit, and the powder bath is in my room. I pay more for the private powder room and also because my room is bigger.
I have access to the hallway bathroom, but I mostly use it to shower.
Things were fine with bathroom usage until a year ago when my roommate asked me to have my guests use the powder room in my bedroom. I have guests over that use the bathroom about 3-4 times a month.
I’ve relayed this bathroom request to my friends, but sometimes they end up using the hallway one in order to not go into my bedroom or if someone else is in there.
It all came to a head when I had a friend visit for a week.
It was the first time in a year that I had an overnight guest, so I relayed this new bathroom information to them. Each day they were here, I noticed that they would use that sink or toilet right before showering. I didn’t stop that because it felt uncomfortable to knock on the door m******p or whatever to stop someone from using anything but the shower.
My roommate was gone during that week, and I texted them to let them know I’d be providing some toilet paper because my guest used the hallway bathroom for more than just showering.
When my friend left, I told my roommate that I’d like to have my guests use our shared bathroom again.
I pay more for the privacy of a powder room in my room, but the layout of the apartment with the full bath in the hallway gives me (and my guests) the right to access that space. And it’s uncomfortable to listen to what a guest of mine is doing in the hallway bath.
If it were a 2-bed/2-bath and I had an en-suite, I would expect my guests to use my bathroom because I have no need to go in the hallway one, and they would be invading someone’s private space.
I told my roommate that I’ve hired a cleaner to come in once a month to deep clean the apartment, including the full bath, just so my guests can use it those 3-4 times a month.
I’ll also be pitching in for half of their toilet paper and soap expenses.
They were incredibly mad at the shared bathroom becoming guest accessible again, and we had a 20-minute back and forth on why I can’t have guests (overnight or not) use the hallway bathroom except for showers.
It even came to a point where they said, ‘In that case, then why can’t my guests go into your bathroom?’ I don’t believe those two are equal because my roommate doesn’t pay for my private powder, nor would they have access to that space without being in my bedroom.
It’s not a commonly shared space.
I honestly never expected to have this in-depth conversation on the bathroom habits of my friends and in what order they do things if they were to visit me. I ended the conversation by saying I’d pay for the cleaner and other bathroom-related purchases.
I noticed about an hour later that my roommate was crying.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are paying extra to have a personal bathroom. If your roommate wants the hallway to be their personal bathroom, they need to pay for it and also allow you to shower there, as it is the only available shower.
It is the hallway public bathroom, paid for by both of you to use. You are having it cleaned, you are allowed to have guests, and guests are allowed to use the bathroom in the hall, the public bathroom paid for by both tenants. That said, maybe your roommate has some weird anxiety issues about poop or something.
Maybe you should discuss this. Maybe you should supply soap and toilet paper that are only available to your guests. Still, it’s totally unreasonable to ask a guest to poop in one place and then wash their hands and shower in a completely different space.
Doing that would move microbes all over the house.
For what it’s worth, we are all covered with bacteria and used to our own microbes. Maybe she’s a germophobe? I mean, it’s silly, but some people freak out at the idea that someone left ‘germs’ in their bathroom.
Maybe have your guests sanitize the area after they use it? People have issues.” Jenicillin
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. This obviously matters to your roommate in a deeper way – maybe they’re feeling violated by having strangers in that space? Talk to them.
Your behavior isn’t unreasonable and what you’re suggesting sounds completely fine. But your roommate is crying over this, and unless random crying is just something they do, now’s the time to find out why.” sumsandbooks
4. AITJ For Not Letting A Dog Into My Pool Party?
“I (25M) live in a place where it is warm enough out that a pool party is mildly feasible.
Cold in the water, but great otherwise. I invited a bunch of friends over to my house. We swam, grilled, watched the Masters (until the rain delay), and drank. It was a great time, except for something I may have come across as a jerk for.
I kind of hate dogs and don’t want them anywhere around me. I’m definitely not letting it into my house. My friends know this, and my SO knows this. A buddy’s new girl, whom I had never met, came to the party. But she brought her 15–20-pound dog.
She introduces herself, and I just pause and go ‘Yeah, that thing is not coming inside’. She goes; I’ll take it through the side gate. I shot that down too. She asks what she should do with her dog. I just say, take it home.
I tell her I hate dogs and that my buddy should have told you before you got this far.
My buddy chimes in and says it’s well-behaved; she would hold it for most of the time, and he didn’t think it’d be that big of a deal. I’m appalled, and I’ll just say you should have known better.
I say sorry; I’m not letting it in, and it’s probably best to take it home. We stood in awkward silence, and they left and didn’t come back. My buddy was texting me, calling me a jerk, complaining that I wasn’t friendly at all, and how rude I was.
I’m not letting a dog in my house; I don’t care who you are. Am I the jerk for that?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Well-behaved or not, it’s your home. I think it’s also pretty rude to have never met someone and decide to bring your dog to their house without asking.
The only scenario I could see is if it’s a trained service dog the girl needs by her side. Even still, if your friend knows this about you and cares about your feelings as his friend, there should still be some sort of communication beforehand.” finally-human
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But your friend and his SO both are.
Your friend knew you don’t like dogs; that should have been enough to avoid this issue entirely. However, even if you did like dogs, this situation should have never happened. This girl is a total stranger to you and to most of the other people at the party.
It is extremely entitled of her to presume she could just bring her dog along to a stranger’s house when meeting them for the first time. Not only is it rude and disrespectful, but it shows a huge lack of foresight on her part.
Like, honestly, she was lucky that the only issue was you not liking dogs because it could have been so much worse.
What if you had a dog that was aggressive toward other animals? What if you had a cat that was terrified of dogs and got into a fight with them? Or what if one of the guests has dog-related trauma or a phobia?
If she genuinely wanted to bring her dog, she should have asked her SO to ask you if it was okay.
He, knowing your stance on dogs, should have said no or, at the bare minimum, should have called or texted you to ask for permission.” emilitxt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friend was completely out of line and owes you and his SO an apology.
He probably didn’t tell her not to bring the dog, knowing your dislike of them. However, she is just as guilty—who brings a pet to someone else’s home when they don’t even know the host? Sorry, but they both were out of line. Hopefully, the rest of your friends agree and vocalize that to both of them.” jackb6ii
3. AITJ For Wishing My Mom Wasn't Pregnant?
“I (16F) have five brothers; all of them are younger than me.
If I’m being honest, I don’t even know all of my brothers’ ages. We are also low-income, and it hurts. As in, we live in a 3-bedroom council flat with 8 people.
I’ve never been on holiday; I’ve never been on a plane except for when I was literally 6 months old and moving to the UK.
We don’t get to spend a lot on nice things.
But you know what? I wouldn’t complain if my mom didn’t make us feel like a burden for the living situation she’s brought us into.
My mom takes it out on us when she gets stressed by finances.
As in, she shouts at us when we run out of electricity, saying all we (me and my brothers) do is waste funds on games and food. Because of this, I feel guilty about buying clothes or asking for school lunch money, and it’s made me resentful.
My mom had an argument with my dad, and it was pretty bad. My dad was gone for weeks. My brothers and I would hear my mom crying on the phone to our auntie. This might be selfish, but that was literally the best time for us.
My mom is usually strict, but back then, she didn’t care what we did. We could buy whatever food we wanted and go out with friends; she never shouted at us.
Plus, my dad is a massive bum. He doesn’t work, help out with finances, or spend time with us (not that I want him to).
I personally thought he was deadweight, so I didn’t miss his presence.
So when my mom told me that she was pregnant with a girl when my dad came back, I was less than happy. I was mad, and I shouted at her, ‘Why would you do that?
How can we afford that? Where will we get the space? The flat is tiny!’
This upset my mom, and she shouted at me, but she also explained later that having children is a blessing and that I should be happy that I finally have a little sister.
She said it’s not my place to worry about finances and that my dad does his bit, which I find hard to believe. I just think it was irresponsible and reckless on her part. I’m also mad she’s still with my pathetic excuse of a dad, but I haven’t told her that.
Am I wrong to be angry at my mom for being pregnant? Is it bad I wish she wasn’t?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I had to go back to check your age because you sound so mature. It’s probably a lost cause, but if possible, try and explain to your mom how things like her worrying about finances affect you, like what you said in your story, ‘I got upset with you because it feels like you take it out on us when you get stressed about finances.
Because of that, I do worry about it. I feel guilty even asking for lunch money or for clothes I need.’ I don’t know if that’ll work, but it’s good to always try to communicate. And as soon as you can, move out.
I’d also recommend looking into financial advice before you move out and when (if you don’t already work part-time) you get a job. Just so you know how to handle your own finances and don’t have to worry about having to move back in.
Wishing you the best of luck.” Vanilla_Hoare
Another User Comments:
“If you were older, yes, YWBTJ, because getting angry at your mom for getting pregnant is a kind of immature reaction? But you are sixteen, and your mom keeps telling you how much you and your brothers cost and waste, and yet she expects you to perform happiness that she’s having another baby?
You are not obliged to perform happiness to make your mom feel happy—not for any reason, and definitely not because she’s having another baby when you know that she won’t want this child in a couple of years. You’re not obliged to do anything except not take it out on your new sibling; it’s not her fault.
Next time your mom brings up how you should be happy, just say flatly, ‘Mum, all I ever heard from you about me and my brothers is how much we cost and how you can’t afford to keep us. Now you’re planning to have another kid, and soon she’ll be old enough to understand you screaming at her that she’s too expensive and you can’t afford her.
Of course I’m not happy about this because I know you won’t be either in a couple of years.’
NTJ, and remember, you do get to leave home. Take the first good chance you get—university if you want to go—and a proper job.
Do not get trapped into babysitting your mom’s kids.” Enough-Process9773
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That is really careless of her. You sound like you’re going to break a bad cycle when you’re older because you’re so out of it now. She might collect benefits from the child, and that is usually why so many low-income families have so many kids.
They don’t really instill much in the kids, and they just continue the cycle of benefits and low income, so they have a house and food but still struggle. My family did something like this, so I understand.” Mysterious-Pudding37
I really hope this doesn't happen to you though.
2. AITJ For Telling My Wife Not To Go To Disneyland Every Year?
“My wife and I have two daughters aged 2 and 7. My wife likes Disney and Disneyland. I do not.
She goes to Disneyland yearly with Grandma (my mother-in-law) and the girls. Grandma pays for most of the trip (plane tickets and hotel) but not everything. I’m not dis-invited but if I were to go we’d have to pay for my ticket and an additional hotel room.
Grandma won’t cover that. Money has been relatively tight since the kids came. We live in a high-cost area and for most of the past 8 years I’ve been the only income. We don’t have the budget for a vacation every year and I prefer not to spend what we do have going to Disneyland which I don’t really enjoy.
I also don’t like Disney. I don’t think Disney princess culture is great for young girls and am rubbed the wrong way by the consumerism of Disney as well. I get that kids have friends, and Disney is unavoidable to some extent so it’s more about tempering influence rather than embracing it.
I feel put out about the trip and my wife and I get in a fight about it every year. I think the main thing I don’t like (even more than the general Disney criticism) is that most of the vacations the kids go on do not include Dad.
Even if we don’t have the budget I’d rather go camping or something affordable and be together. For 2023 we do have the budget for a proper vacation but it’s in addition to the Disneyland trip.
I get that my wife likes Disneyland. It’s not my thing but I’m willing to go once every 4-5 years if we can do it as a family.
From this would be maybe next year in 2024 and then again when the kids are 7 and 12. This is unacceptable to my wife. She wants to go every year and has told me her Disneyland trip is a part of her person/character. She has gone every year with her mom since before she met me so this is baked in essentially.
I said she could go and leave the kids with me but this was unacceptable as well.
AITJ for even asking that they not go? My wife sure thinks I am.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I would say that it’s worth asking yourself if you’re offering to plan this other trip though.
Your wife and MIL do all the planning for the Disneyland trip, are you prepared to come up with a plan that’s suitable for adults and kids, do all the research and planning too? It’s quite a job and a mental load. Your wife and MIL currently do this so they also get to pick the destination.
If you can come up with a plan that excites everyone and you can pre-empt the organization then you get to pick where you all go.” luala
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If her Mom is paying for most of the trip there’s no reason your wife and daughters can’t have that girls’ trip tradition with her.
You wouldn’t enjoy going anyway. You can counteract consumerism and princess culture by actually speaking with your daughters about it. By suggesting they stay home you will be robbing your wife, daughters, and MIL of bonding time that is very important to them. You will be the bad guy in all of their opinions if you interfere with this tradition.
If your wife isn’t working, why don’t you use your vacation leave and budget to do something you like to do so your family has the best of both worlds and a vacation YOU enjoy? From what you’ve written I don’t see why they can’t go to Disney mostly funded by grandma and go camping or someplace economical that you like.
If what your family contributes to the Disney vacation makes it impossible to do the additional vacation you want, have your wife get a part-time job, freelance work, or a side hustle to fund her vacation.
You are presenting this as a zero-sum, either or situation and it doesn’t have to be if you get creative.
You can find a solution that makes both of you happy.” kavk27
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I get why this is important to your wife, I’m sure she has tremendously valuable memories associated with this place and wants to share that with her kids.
So I understand why this is important to her. However, I also understand all of the reasons you listed against going to Disney every year.
You and your wife need to reach a compromise, in which both partners feel their wishes have been heard and understood by the other.
I do think that (based on your description) your wife seems to be making more demands and seems less willing to compromise. You deserve a say in where your family goes on vacation. If you can’t agree, maybe it’d be fair to alternate every other year who gets to pick where the family goes on vacation?
Perhaps she will find there are other ways to give your daughters the feelings and experiences that your wife associated with Disney, outside of going to that same specific park?” The_________________
Another User Comments:
“Your wife and her family love Disney culture. You married her and chose to have kids with her.
And now you are asking her to give it up or not share it with your kids because you don’t like Disney? This incompatibility between you two has existed since you met. It seems incredibly unfair that you are making it an issue now. You aren’t just impacting your wife.
You are also telling the grandparent they can’t treat their grandkids to a family tradition they have done for years. YTJ.” Handknitmittens
1. AITJ For Wearing A Bikini On A Work Trip?
“I (31) work for a rather small firm.
There are 12 employees in total. Since we exceeded our yearly goals for 2022, we were treated to a weekend stay at a golf resort. I don’t love golf, but I can play. The owners are big fans. I’m also one of three women employed. I’m the youngest; the other two are a few years older than me.
They also had a pool, tennis courts, a gym, and all the fun things a resort needs. On Saturday, I took some me time to lay out by the pool and have some cocktails. I was told that we would all be eating a late lunch at the poolside restaurant.
I met everyone there.
The two other women told me it was ‘gutsy’ to wear what I was wearing. I was wearing a rather athletic bikini. The bottom was full coverage and was almost like shorts, and the top resembled a sports bra more than anything else.
The other two women told me that I should be old enough to know that was stupid. And they even accused me of wanting to show off to the men. These other women are in good shape, so I can’t say they’re jealous.
They are definitely able to rock bikinis.
Maybe I didn’t think this through. But I purposely bought this suit for this trip. I thought it was as plain as could be. I mean, is it very inappropriate to show my belly? Because that was pretty much all that was different between my swimsuit and theirs was that my stomach was showing.
Are they jerks or am I missing something here?
I was not wearing the swimsuit at lunch. I walked up to the place in it and put my coverup on as we sat down.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but… I would be careful in the future.
These are your work colleagues, and keeping a mostly professional vibe should always be expected, even when doing ‘offsite’ events. Like, if you wanted to wear a string bikini, technically, that’s not illegal or inappropriate for the location. But then your coworkers might be thinking about you wearing a string bikini from now on, even when you’re in the office.
I’m not saying what you wore is inappropriate because (gasp!) midriff! But, personally, I wouldn’t want my boss (or any other coworkers) picturing me in anything revealing when we’re back at work. When you’re doing anything remotely work-related, even if you’re off the clock, you’re on the clock.” cbm984
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for wearing the suit by the pool, but YTJ for ‘I was not wearing the swimsuit at lunch. I walked up to the place in it and put my coverup on as we sat down.’ So technically, you had the bathing suit with a coverup thrown over it at lunch.
So you were wearing a bathing suit at lunch. That in itself is unprofessional. You should have taken time to change into regular clothes to eat lunch with everyone. You aren’t on vacation with your friends; you are on a work trip with your bosses.” holisarcasm
Another User Comments:
“You are not the jerk. Dumb double standards: if they want to impose modesty standards on women’s bodies, they should put that on the itinerary. I would have shown up in swim trunks and a tank top, which is essentially the male equivalent of what you wore, but I wouldn’t have had any nasty comments thrown my way.
Also, your female coworkers sound kind of jealous; they may actually be concerned for your reputation, but that seems unfounded. Why should wearing swimwear to a pool function be penalized? If dress codes aren’t strictly listed, wear what’s appropriate, which is exactly what you did.
Maybe a cover-up or sari would have been a good addition, but again, you get into dressing for the male gaze and dumb social modesty standards.
You wore what was appropriate and felt comfortable, so you aren’t wrong.” grey_mailbox
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
The coworkers, because they shouldn’t have said anything and shouldn’t have been concerned with it. You because you walked up to lunch in the swimsuit and then put your coverup on there instead of putting the coverup on before walking up to lunch.
The swimsuit sounds fine for being in and at the actual pool, but not for walking up to or at lunch, and you then essentially got dressed in front of your colleagues. Although on a work trip, I would have gone with a one-piece or a two-piece with the long top (essentially a one-piece).
” _Julanna
