People Want To Know If They Need To Set Their “Am I The Jerk?” Situations Right
21. AITJ For Not Paying The Full Amount To The Maid My Partner Hired?
“My partner and I had been looking to hire a maid for our reasonably sized house (1400 square feet) for a long time.
She recently stumbled on a few Instagram posts and she chose a maid. She discussed with her what she did and they talked about spring cleaning (windows and w/e, hence more than regular cleaning). She made a mistake in not clearly agreeing to the specific task, nor did she discuss an hourly rate.
The maid indicated it should be around 300$ for spring cleaning. The maid arrived around noon and cleaned for roughly 4 hours and 20 minutes. She was clearly working and she did not take a break that I’ve seen, so seemed to have a very good work ethic as far as I can tell.
My partner indicated to me they hadn’t agreed on a price and I had to leave to go get my older son at daycare. I already felt this was going to be a disaster ( at that time I wasn’t aware of anything in their agreement).
As my partner had to make the baby nap, the maid indicated that she would text my partner for the price for a transfer since she probably would be done while the baby was sleeping.
Fast forward an hour later, the maid texts my partner that it would be 425$.
My partner was about to pay as I said there is no way we are paying that much for a maid that spent 4 hours alone at my place. She then explained the situation, and I agreed that based on the exchanges we had to pay 300$ (even if overpriced).
The maid disagreed with my partner. My partner was getting emotional so I grabbed the phone and called her. She was initially very aggressive in tone and wasn’t interested in anything but getting paid the full amount she felt she was due. I was very stoic and gave her two options, she either accept 300$ or she can sue me for what she feels I owe her.
Ensued a very emotional breakup with said maid which wasn’t fun for anyone, she said I was trying to steal from her, she cried, it wasn’t fun. At the end, she agreed to receive the 250$ since my partner already paid 50$.
My partner is really torn by this and feels bad to the point she wants to give the money to the maid.
I should point out we aren’t super wealthy per se but my salary probably puts me in the 1% of earners, so paying her an extra 125$ would make no difference for us monetarily
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ 1. You were not initially involved. Based on the information you posted, this was a verbal agreement between your partner and the maid.
The agreement was for spring cleaning services for around $300. 2. This job was not defined as an hourly job. If it were, she should have taken a 15-minute break as it took longer than four hours. 3. Your partner was ready to pay her. You decided to intervene.
4. You are focusing on labor costs alone. Did you supply the cleaning products? Did you provide her worker’s comp insurance? Were you nice to her? 5. You told her to sue you for the remaining amount, which is something that she can do in small claims court if you are based in the US.
She did not have an agreement with you and verbal agreements do not stand up in courts. So, if I were her, I would tally up all of the supplies I used, all of my time, and the transportation costs and take you to court for the maximum amount allowed by small claims. With a baby in the house, she may have used specially formulated organic cleaning products that were very expensive and was taking a loss at the original quote.
If your partner agreed at any point to pay her the $425, you pay her $425.” apex39
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – you asked for an estimate and the job took longer than expected which costs more money. Neither of you agreed to an hourly wage which is stupid on both ya’lls part but you know and are aware of this and still only paying her the minimum, which is what makes you a jerk.
Telling her to sue you for her money is also a jerk move knowing she can’t afford to take your 1% self to court.” Geekrock84
Another User Comments:
“I think it also depends on what she brought with her. Most maids bring their own cleaning supplies, vacuums, mops, etc…they are also sometimes licensed and insured. There’s the drive time to get to your house, the cost of fuel, wear and tear on the vehicle, etc..Cleaning can be very hard, physical labor, and honestly rather gross depending on the house.
For your partner, with the responsibility of the baby and house cleaning, it more than likely meant the world to her and was a great stress reliever to have someone come in and do a deep cleaning of the house. She should have made her expectations more clear but that’s a lesson we all learn the hard way.
The house cleaner may have only bargained for 3 hours of cleaning but once she saw your house or started cleaning it took longer to clean than she anticipated.
It would have been a very kind and generous gesture for you to pay the maid what she asked, knowing your partner was happy with her work and could rest easier in a clean house with a young child.
$100 an hour does seem rather high but if the assumption was made of aprox. $100 an hour for deep cleaning…it’s what your partner basically agreed to. I probably would have said NTJ until you mentioned the $125 would NOT have made any difference to you financially…if you could afford it and it made your partner (and mother of your child) happy and restful then you should have just sucked it up and paid her and then made the decision if you would ever use her again.
So my answer would be YTJ.” Ljridgeway4967
20. AITJ For Letting My Daughter Skip Chores After Her First Breakup?
“My daughter is 14 and just had her first ‘breakup’.
She was seeing a boy in her class and had a little summer romance. It was cute until she called me last Friday, bawling her eyes out because she caught her partner ‘being unfaithful’ to her (texting another girl with heart emojis). I remember being her age and having my first heartbreak so I went to pick her up and picked us up some ice cream, snacks, and brought her home.
I let her skip her chores so we could eat junk food and watch less-than-stellar rom-com movies. She cheered up and seems to be happier.
The next day my husband asked her why her chores hadn’t been done last night (he works an overnight shift, and wasn’t home for our girl’s night).
She told him and he said it wasn’t an excuse, she was grounded for skipping chores. I intervened and told her that no, she wasn’t grounded, she had permission to skip chores, and just needed to do them today. My husband is now upset and in a conversation between the two of us he said that I had undermined his authority by not letting him ground her and that I was babying our daughter because it wasn’t a ‘real’ breakup.
INFO: in regards to the parenting disconnect, my husband is in the military and has been overseas for some time. Jumping right back into married/parenting life has been an adjustment for both of us and something we are both working on.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – HE was undermining YOUR authority by grounding her for something YOU had already given her permission to skip doing. Don’t let him twist things. He came into a situation you had already handled. He didn’t stop to ask you for the circumstances or details of your day.
He didn’t ask if you had noticed the chores weren’t done and had already given her a punishment. He walked in blind and started barking orders with zero context and made it look like you have zero authority with your daughter or your household. And that’s before I even get into what a jerkish thing it is to call something “not a real breakup”.
It was real to her. It was actually more devasting because it’s the first and because ALL emotions are elevated at 14. Your husband needed to be taken down a peg. Don’t let him make you feel bad when he’s the jerk!” VixenNoire
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Being 14 is horrible. It’s a time of huge emotions that most teens aren’t familiar with and it takes being surrounded by caring, empathetic, and supportive adults to help them build resilience. You’ve taught your daughter some really important things here. Most important is that she can count on you.
She knows that you’ve got her back against the rest of the world. You’re doing a great job as a parent. Your hubby needs to have a good hard think about what sort of parent he wants to be. Even though he thinks it’s not a “real” breakup, the emotions associated with it are very real to your daughter.
Your husband is telling her that her emotions aren’t important and the best way to deal with them is by ignoring them and pretending everything is fine. That rarely works out well long term. Perhaps it’s worth showing him this thread and talking about the effect his parenting will have on their later relationship.” EsmerldaWeatherwax
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I’m very concerned about your husband’s reaction. There is no reasonable metric for parenting on which being late to do chores is worth an instant grounding. You and him need to have several long discussions, not with your daughter, but with each other, in regards to how to appropriately parent a teenager.
Seeing that he came back from military deployment, it’s not very surprising that he’s unhealthily obsessed with authority and harsh punishment for failing to complete assigned tasks, but that doesn’t mean he gets to hold his daughter to those ridiculous standards. I’d highly recommend bringing up the difference between appropriate discipline in a military unit and appropriate discipline for parenting to him because it really seems like he’s gone way overboard.” IAmMrSpoo
19. AITJ For Exposing My Friend's Manipulative Scheme?
“I (17) have this friend (18) named John, who desperately wanted to court this woman, but she had a poor opinion of him, so he had never asked her out. He approached me with a plan for me to ask her out, then act rude so, he could swoop in to offer to take her home.
He thought this would change her opinion of him, and make her open to being with him.
I immediately told him no, but he begged me saying I owe him, he would do anything, and he’s had a crush on her forever. I told him this plan was creepy and he should drop it before it blows up in his face.
I later found out he got another friend to ask her out in my place, and she agreed to a date the following weekend. I felt totally disgusted with all of them for this, and I decided she deserved to know what they were doing, so I told her.
From what I hear she proceeded to very publicly yell at John, and cuss him out. The next time I saw John he was in tears crying and yelling at me, he said a lot of things, but the gist of it is I am “a jerk who hurt him for the fun of it.”
I didn’t want this to happen, but ultimately I think I was in the right, however, I’ve been told I was a bit of a jerk by others. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. His plan was creepy, he should have dropped it, and he seriously needs to get his emotional maturity into line with his age because right now it is severely lagging behind.
Women aren’t trophies to be won, challenges to overcome, or objects to be manipulated with strategies to make them respond the way he wants. If she has a poor opinion of him, then that’s that. This 80s-romcom nonsense of trying to engineer situations to white knight is just deeply gross.
Not to mention, he and your other friend were fully willing to upset her and hurt her feelings with the date’s rude behavior to create the scenario. Ewww. She deserved to know she was being messed with.” Left-Car6520
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ. You were honest with this girl, and you should not be ashamed for not wanting her to fall for some cheap deception.
Chances are she is smart enough to see through it if it had happened and just chewed them both out anyway. And in my opinion, good for you for expecting and encouraging better of your friend. He should do better by himself than think he has to bend over backward or make schemes to convince a girl to give him a chance.
It hurts that he got his heart broken, but this was for his own good in the long run.” LizaLen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No one should ever be manipulated into anything. I don’t care about whether or not their feelings were hurt. Like boo hoo, your manipulation tactic didn’t work.
I have no sympathy for anyone who immediately deflects for clearly creepy and manipulative behavior. He tried to do something wrong and was called out for it. Like yeah, you could have threatened to expose him and handled it quietly, but dude it is 1000% not your responsibility to keep tabs on a grown man who honestly, from your description, reeks of that ‘I’m a nice guy!!!!’ attitude.
I would have let her know too. You did her a great service. Thank you!” ambedo91
18. AITJ For Stopping Assistance To My Elderly Neighbor Who No Longer Recognizes Me?
“I (22F) live in an apartment on the ground floor. The entrance to my apartment is directly onto the street, and I have a small garden that shares a fence with my neighbour (92F).
I moved in 4 years ago, and because my neighbour is older, I would run errands for her, go to the store and pick up her newspaper or take the trash out for her once a week.
In the past few months though, her memory has got really bad, and I think she might have dementia. So when I try to do the things I normally do, e.g. take the trash out, she screams at me to leave her alone and stop going onto her property.
My last interaction with her was a month ago, she was sitting outside and I asked if she needed anything from the store. She had no idea who I was and shouted at me to go or she’d call the police (girl I’m black, I don’t need that).
This morning though, one of my other neighbours (50 I think, male), came up to me in the street and asked why I wouldn’t help her. I told him that she doesn’t recognise me and I don’t want to upset her, also it’s not my responsibility, I was just trying to be helpful.
He said it wasn’t nice of me to leave her struggling and she goes without her newspaper because I no longer do it and she misses the trash collections. I told him if he was so concerned he could do it but he said I started it, so I should keep it up?
AITJ for stopping this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your neighbour has hit the point where she doesn’t recognize you and regards you as a threat, it’s probably time to stop. This is something where her relatives should be notified, and she may need professional help.
It sounds like you aren’t a professional caregiver, and it also sounds like your other neighbour is trying to get you to be one without pay. Which you know, a guy telling someone else it’s their responsibility to help, without being willing to help themselves, is something, definitely.” Beginning-Ice-1005
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Kudos to you for helping her previously, but now you are causing her distress and discomfort by attempting to engage when she does not know you. You are watching when you see her, but there is nothing else you can do.
You are not her caregiver. The comments about adult protective services may be of benefit if there are concerns for her health and safety. Which there absolutely are if it is dementia. Your other neighbour is concerned for her, but not willing to step into that role.
It’s easier to point at you and say ‘why aren’t you keeping it up!’ Dementia affects everyone differently, but in later stages, the individual can become aggressive…it sounds like your neighbour is reaching this. She is yelling and using verbal abuse, there may be delusions, and increased agitation and can be even more distressing by continually engaging when she does not want you to.
You were kind to help, but do not feel bad for withdrawing your assistance. That is absolutely not your role or responsibility – and at this stage, she needs the assistance and support of a professional.” Jaylloyd24
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My grandfather no longer recognized his own daughter and hit her with his cane.
And then he went after the cops who showed up. It’s hard because you want to help, but this is way beyond you now. The big thing with dementia is fear. They’re surrounded by strangers every day, in a completely new place, sometimes with a completely new language.
It would terrify anyone and they do it every day. I met a woman in the facility my grandfather ended up in who just screamed in terror unless someone spoke in Arabic. She didn’t understand it – she was born in upstate New York – but her parents had been from Syria and hearing that language was the only thing that made her feel safe.
Even if all you were saying was “I like your chicken.” She needs professional help from people who specialize in caring for people dealing with dementia. And it’s wrong for that neighbor to shame you for not being that person.” BarRegular2684
17. AITJ For Suggesting The Cheapest Menu Item To A Customer Who Wanted A Second Drink?
“I am a server. In my state, one drinking law is you cannot serve someone a second drink without them ordering some sort of food.
This lady comes in to join her party. I offered her something to drink and she asked for a wine, no biggy.
I drop it off, leave, and come back to take her order. But before I can she asks for a second drink. I say “of course, however, you do need to order something off the menu before I can serve it to you.” Usually, some people don’t like to order a meal/appetizer just for a drink.
Which is completely fine. So sometimes servers will offer them a chocolate chip cookie, which is the cheapest/easiest option. Her face looked like disgust having to order something, so that’s what I assumed.
My next sentence was this. I said, “ if you don’t want a meal, the easiest, cheapest thing we have is a chocolate chip cookie, if you would like that?” She was quiet and then said, “no I don’t want that.” She ends up ordering an appetizer.
Fast forward, after they leave I go pick up their checks and on the lady’s check showed a giant zero for a tip. At the bottom, it read “because you said the “cheapest” thing as if you were saying I was broke.” I was honestly confused because that was absolutely not the case.
I don’t care about the tip. Looking back, maybe I should’ve worded it better. I know it’s no big deal but I genuinely want to know. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ — This is one of those weird local laws. I have heard bars serving cocktail peanuts, hotdogs, or even PB&J for a dollar or two.
The customer should have tipped you. There was nothing you did but make a suggestion of what most other customers do in her situation. If you want to adjust your approach, wait for the customer to ask for your opinion then suggest the cookie without mentioning it’s the cheapest. Simply “many people get the cookie.”” Glittering_Report_52
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but make this sentence part of your work life (all caps for the important part): “we can’t serve a second drink unless patrons order food. MANY PEOPLE JUST GET THE COOKIE.” It acknowledges that the law is dumb without saying it, it makes it seem like you and the customer are in on something together, which customers think is cool.
You can even say “if you aren’t hungry, then…”” Then-Ad-7988
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But perhaps word things differently. Like, “If you’re not hungry, you could order a cookie.” Try to avoid mentioning prices unless they explicitly ask. Either way, she’s a jerk.” NightAriaC
16. AITJ For Wanting My Wife To Stop Doing My Laundry?
“Despite clearly stating I want to do my own laundry, dozens of requests for her to leave my laundry alone, and more than a few heated arguments, my wife continues to do my laundry.
When my wife does laundry, she and her dad (85+) are usually binge-watching some Netflix/Amazon series so basically a load gets started and then (literally) sits in the washer for over a day. When things back up enough there is a mad rush to get things done.
Because my father-in-law (FIL), my bonus son, and I are roughly the same size, some of my clothes end up missing only to be found weeks later in one of their rooms. The other result is a huge pile of clothes needing to be folded gets dumped on my side of the bed at a time that doesn’t work for me.
Both of these drive me crazy.
When I do my laundry it’s two loads Saturday morning before everyone else is up. I can wash, dry, and fold in roughly 90 minutes to two hours while having a relaxing morning. When I am done I know where everything is, no missing or mismatched socks, and no surprise piles of laundry to fold before bedtime.
Given that I am asking her to do less I don’t understand why she keeps doing the one thing I ask her not to do and why she gets upset about it. AITJ?
Note: She has never complained that my clothes look unclean or unkempt or that I am doing laundry wrong.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Leave a note on top of your dirty laundry that says “STOP! Do not do my laundry!” Or something similar. Have you sat down and had a serious conversation about this? A genuine “we need to talk about something” conversation? If not, try that and tell her that it really bothers you and you’re asking her to respect your request to let you do your own laundry.
The word “respect” tends to carry a lot of weight. If she still does it anyway, ask why she chose (be sure to use that word) not to respect your request.” hyperfocus1569
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Look I understand watching shows while doing laundry, I do it myself, but with how hot it is lately, it’s a bad idea to let clothes sit for too long as mildew will form.
She either needs to not be distracted, set a timer so she can pause what she is watching and switch over the loads, or she needs to respect your wishes. The fact is that she is doing something wrong by not communicating with you effectively as a partner on how both of your needs can be met.
As for the accidental clothes swap, I’m afraid there isn’t much that you can do about it unless she finally acquiesces. My poor dad mixed up my clothes with my sisters’ up to and until I moved out. I even sometimes ended with some of my brother’s shirts from time to time.” DramaGirl6155
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’d tell her I feel like you do not respect or trust me or think of me as capable when you do this knowing I don’t want you to. What are you trying to find? Why don’t you trust me?
Do you really think I’m incapable of doing my own laundry? See if maybe changing it from just an “I asked you not to”, to a “this is disrespectful and a sign you don’t trust me” will help her wake up and knock it off.” Jmacavoy
15. AITJ For Wanting A Refund From An Artist Who Hasn't Delivered My Commission?
“Around a year ago I had commissioned an artist for a standard character ref sheet. This artist has some genuinely good art and I was excited to have art done of an OC so I DM her, do the usual “what are your rates, etc” and the final price comes down to 450 USD.
Around a week in, she messages me saying that there may be a delay due to an unforeseen emergency which is perfectly fine! I say don’t worry about it. Well cut to around a month later and I send another DM asking how was the comm coming along and she said she still hasn’t started due to personal stuff going on but says she plans to finish it by the end of the month.
Cut to the day before that and I get a DM saying that something came up and I’ll have to wait some more. Now at this point, I’m getting a bit antsy but things happen so I say don’t worry about it.
Maybe a week later I ask if any progress was made and she says yes.
So I’m thinking sweet, finally! I ask to see and she says that her computer is not working and she can’t but that she’ll have it done in no time. 2 weeks later I ask once again if it was finished and she says that her computer blue-screened and deleted all her WIPs.
Now I get it, computers mess up but seems way too convenient that your computer breaks today and that your computer happened to break when I asked for a WIP.
Keep in mind, this person had posted other comms too and I thought these people were from way back but when DM’ing them, they told me that the latest was from around 3 weeks ago with the most recent one being done within 1 week.
I bring this up to her and she just ignores me. I can see she’s reading the message so I tried Discord and get blocked. On a post she made advertising commissions, I asked how mine was coming along resulting in it getting hidden. At this point, I’m upset and threatened to do a chargeback which she responded to within minutes.
She said it was rude to spam her and she’d have done it quicker if I hadn’t breathed down her neck. I bring up how she’s posting art that was completed at the time her computer was broken which she just dodges and says she’ll get me a WIP within a few hours.
To be fair, she did get a WIP done but it could hardly be called one. All she had was a very rough sketch like no detail whatsoever. Just a pose sketch. I figured progress is progress so give the okay to start the rest and when asked for a wait time.
She just responds “whenever.”
Another month passes and after ignoring me again, I say I want a refund and she immediately responds saying she forgot about it but will get started right away. When raising the concern about being scammed, she barks back that I should be patient and immediately says I’m trying to scam her.
Keep in mind, that I never insinuated she was. All I said was to be more direct so people don’t assume you are. And here we are now: a block on Twitter and it’s too late to do a chargeback. I understand art takes time but if I’m paying for a service, is it too much to ask to receive that service?
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! I’ve gotten over 30 or so OC commissions over the past few years, ranging from newer artists selling a piece for 25$ (and I always tip them higher because like. Art takes time) to well-known Fandom artists charging around 350$. Every person I’ve worked with has been open about timelines, shown progress WIPs, and never been upset about me asking questions about progress.
There’s only been one time I reached out to someone (after about 6 weeks) to ask if there had been any progress, and they apologized, said they’d had a personal issue, and would reach out to me shortly with an update and that was that! I’ve never had someone act like that, especially for a 450$ (!!!!) piece.” Skateurgency
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – she’s not doing the job she was paid for, get a lawyer to send a letter or… Seek revenge: create loads of Twitter accounts and send a number of messages saying that she doesn’t do the work she is paid for and does not refund.
You can make a new account each day, just post the same message for a few months. Technically it’s just a public review, although it may not be the best approach.” AugustPopper
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ve been in this situation three separate times myself.
I only got one of the art pieces because, frankly, I had to full-on bully the artist in question into giving me a solid yes or no answer on if I was getting the piece or not. I hate that I had to do that, but they basically full-on shut down on me to the point I’m amazed they didn’t block me on everything to avoid talking to me.
They finally finished it and sent it to me, but only after I also threatened to get a third person involved, who happened to be an artist that the one I commissioned highly respected.
The other two commissions I wound up just giving up on despite the cost involved because one literally told me that they didn’t want to do the piece anymore once the sixth-month mark had passed but were ‘too anxious’ to tell me and had literally been hoping I’d just forget and never ask about it.
Ruined that friendship fast, if you can believe it.
And the last one…….literally never going to happen because the artist involved went through a bad breakup during that time and now everything from that time period makes them cry and have panic attacks or at least, so they say.
They frequently post art now on Twitter soooooo take from that what you will. And yes, all three times I had to wait about a year (various circumstances) to get an answer.
This very much sounds like the second artist I had to deal with, who also gave me the impression she just wanted the money but didn’t want to produce the art.
My advice is to take screenshots of all your conversations, especially anything that has a time limit or the passage of time mentioned in it as well as a screenshot of when you paid, keep them somewhere safe, contact your bank to see what can be done about a chargeback because they might be able to do something given the amount; if it was through a service like Ko-fi or PayPal, contact their customer service too and open a ticket, given the amount involved, they might be able to pull strings and you likely will need those screenshots to prove theft of service/service not provided. I’d also blast this artist on social media too, especially if it was public that you commissioned them.
It sounds like that was what you already started to do and I’d at least get ahead of it now before she starts claiming you’re just a weirdo harassing her.” squeakity99
14. AITJ For Scolding Kids Riding Bikes Through A Splash Pad?
“I took my son (4) to our local park which has a small splash pad.
The splash pad is entirely concrete so there are a lot of rules to keep kids safe. The typical age is about 2-6 years old, but there are some older kids that enjoy it too.
There were 2 boys there around 11-13 years old. I know their grandfather and looked around for him to say hi but I didn’t see anyone from their family around.
They were with a friend I didn’t know who pulled his bike up next to the splash pad. Due to some past trauma, I have a bit of a fear of things on wheels so I was a little alarmed. Sure enough, he starts riding through the splash pad which is totally full of little kids.
He is literally weaving in and out of children and then rides off after about 20 seconds. He gives the bike to the younger brother who does the same thing. Then it’s the older brother’s turn and a very small girl, 1-2 years old, walks into his path.
I couldn’t tell if he actually made contact, but he either hit her or narrowly missed. Either way, it definitely caused her to fall and cry (she wasn’t hurt).
I walked up to him and just said sternly “get your bike off the splash pad.” I wasn’t very polite about it which may have been my first jerk move.
He looked completely aghast. He just said “okay” and pushed the bike away. He gave it back to his friend who just stood with it next to the splash pad looking much less fazed. This led me to my next potentially jerk move and where I may have gone full Karen.
I said to the friend, “if you ride your bike through the splash pad again I’m going to call the park number and report it.” He looked mad and asked, “why?” I said, “because it’s dangerous and against the rules.” He told me to “calm down” and the conversation ended.
I went back to my blanket and a minute or 2 passed when I hear someone shouting “excuse me!” I turn and see the kids’ mother approaching and an argument ensued. She was shouting at me with the gist of her arguments being that I had no right to speak to her kids, they didn’t hit anyone, and they did nothing wrong.
I just told her the facts of what happened and that if my child is in danger then I have to speak up. She said if the parents had a problem with it then they could have come talk to her. I know she wasn’t nearby to see what happened since she didn’t confront me while it was happening.
I think I might be the jerk for reprimanding someone else’s kids, and for not just asking them politely to ride their bike somewhere else. Or maybe it wasn’t even as dangerous as I saw it. Another mom did stop her car while I was walking home and told me she thought I was in the right and was proud of me for standing up to her, and was ready to call the police if things escalated. This made me feel better but also kind of worse that other parents thought it was unsafe and I’m just the only jerk willing to tell off someone else’s kids.
Now I don’t know if I should send an apology since we know the family.
AITJ for how I handled this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – if a kid is putting another child in danger physically or emotionally and their parents don’t seem to be there, I feel like it is the responsibility of the adults around to ensure that safety.
As long as you weren’t yelling at the kids, “reprimanding” kids is fine. It’s not like you’re parenting them with a punishment or even parenting them by using parenting techniques to explain why it was wrong and ensuring better behavior in the future.
It’s the parents’ responsibility to explain and manage in whatever way they want that there are other people in the world and they will tell you off if you do something that is annoying them or putting their kids in danger.” Ok_Ganache4842
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. You handled everything just fine. Nothing wrong with telling a kid to stop breaking the rules and endangering others or that you’ll call the authorities to handle the problem. I don’t know where this nonsense started about people not having a “right” to tell kids to stop misbehaving because that’s BS.
If they’re endangering others or themselves I see it as everyone else’s responsibility to tell them to knock it off (as long as you don’t put your hands on them, yell at them, or argue/berate them). That mom was doing a terrible job watching her kid (or she just didn’t care).
She’d be the first one to run away to avoid a lawsuit if her kid did hurt someone though.” TheSciFiGuy80
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I was in a store a few months ago. There were two kids who were about 10 or 11 running, bumping into people and just acting out.
There was an elderly lady that they almost knocked down. I had just had surgery and they bumped into me. I saw no parents anywhere. I told them to stop it as they were going to hurt someone. They got an attitude with me and I said that I would call security if they didn’t stop.
About 25 minutes later, a woman walked up to me and said she was their mother and wanted to know why I said something to her kids. I told her about them running, bumping into me, and almost knocking someone down. She asked the kids if it were true.
They denied it. I told their mother to go ask the other people. She just looked at them and said “don’t lie.” She told me that she would handle it. I guess she did. I’m not going to stand by and get hurt or watch someone else get hurt because there is no parental supervision.” darkwitch1306
13. AITJ For Avoiding My Father's Partner's Family Due To Their Disrespectful Behavior?
“My (23M) father is divorced twice and lives with his latest (and hopefully last) partner “A”.
She is really nice, has a twin sister, one son and two daughters. The youngest daughter is 24.
I don’t have a problem with A, she is nice. Her daughters are ok, a bit arrogant. Her twin is a whole other story. Egotistical, arrogant, and talks to me with disgust. My father’s last wife did the same, so I know from experience.
I stay as far as I can away from A’s family. Any family gathering A invites me to, I know the rest will be there and I decline. If I show up they usually ignore me, but if they talk to me at all, it’s to make fun of what I do (data and information security), make sure I know I’m wrong about something and her twin especially does this.
If I’m going to be somewhere and feel like a pain, I can do that at home.
I try to make my father understand, but he says he can’t choose between us, and in simple terms to “deal with it” and “that’s just how they are.” He wants to have a huge family gathering, with her whole family, him, me, and my brother with his partner.
I said that will never happen, but I don’t have the heart to say it’s because I don’t want an evening with me in silence.
My father and I had plans to meet up at a park near where I live to have a small BBQ.
A and her oldest daughter would also join. When I show up to the park, they are waiting for her youngest daughter and her partner, and her twin. I spend the rest of the day either talking to my father or in complete silence. It was, for the most part, a terrible day.
A and her family have just gotten over a hurdle and are mending. If a fight would occur, she and my father would split.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your father’s responsibility is to be your champion in this situation. You shouldn’t just have to deal with it and he should never be ok with your mistreatment in this way.
Set the boundaries you need to. If he isn’t willing to stand up for you and doesn’t want you standing up for yourself, then staying away is the only recourse left. You don’t have to just take it. And you do not have to be a part of anyone’s life you do not want to.” Agreeable-Tale9729
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Unfortunately, it seems like there’s someone like that in every family (the twin, not your father). Maybe it’s not your father you go to for help and maybe you don’t ask for something extreme. It sounds like ‘twin’ either thinks she’s hilarious or she’s got issues … or both, it’s possible.
You say his partner is really nice, maybe ask her for a bit of advice because you DON’T want to make this bigger than it is. It’s not that you don’t want to participate or that you’re over-sensitive, it’s that the ‘joke’ is old and exhausting when you just want to have a good time with everyone.
She’s cool so you’re sure her twin can be too, she’s just making it hard to be around and have fun. Can she give you some advice about how to tackle it?” PersonalityLost5228
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My question is why do you stay to take the abuse?
That’s what it is..abuse, from all of them. You’re worth more than that, even if Dad pretends otherwise. Talk to your dad. Tell him it’s one-on-one or you just won’t show up. He needs to respect your boundaries too. He married the family..you did not.
If he still won’t listen, go LC and see how that goes. You’re your own individual at your age. You do have a say in what pertains to you, just like he did when he married her, that was his choice for himself. Blending sometimes just doesn’t work, especially if you’re mistreated.” Kqhbabies
12. AITJ For Sarcastically Asking My Sister If She Could Spare Money After She Criticized Our Living Situation?
“My husband was laid off from his job just a few days before I was due to give birth to our youngest, who is two months old. We are in a stable place now but for a while, we were living off of food banks and had to move into an apartment, where we still live with our baby and our two eldest kids, who are five and two years old.
My sister is a good person but she can make some remarks which can be really unpleasant. She came over to visit and made a remark about how we were raising our kids in an apartment and how we should’ve thought about this before we had kids, to which I sarcastically asked if she had any money to spare so we didn’t have to live in an apartment, because my husband is working his butt off to make sure we stay afloat.
She got angry and the rest of the visit was quite uncomfortable. She was respectful enough not to make a scene in front of the kids and chose instead to send me a text message saying that my comment was unnecessary and rude.”
Another User Comments:
“LOL LOL LOL YOUR comment was unnecessarily rude???????? LOL LOL LOL So – many many many people had to downsize and/or lost their jobs. That has NO bearing on the decision to have children. No one thinks ‘I’m going to be losing my job so I just think I’ll have kids to make my life harder.’ Additionally – what an elitist snob your sister must be to make such a comment about raising your children in an apartment.
Has she seen the cost of housing these days??? You are NTJ at all!! But your sister is!!” MissSuzieSunshine
Another User Comments:
“Uh… Does she not know that lots of people are raised in apartments? I mean, there are plenty of places where you own the apartment.
And I’ve rented houses. A detached single-family home is not the only way to live. I grew up in apartments, townhomes, and condos. My parents didn’t buy an actual house until I was in my 20s. They were in their 50s and had never owned a lawnmower before.
I’m also currently staring at the bulb I need to take to the hardware store so I buy the correct replacement because the house I own doesn’t have a maintenance department that will come change the specialty stuff for the recessed lighting in my kitchen within 24hrs.
Like when I had an apartment 4 years ago. That was, adjusting for maintenance and repair expenses, less than my mortgage and was easy to leave vs having to sell. NTJ, embrace apartment life and not having to pay a plumber yourself. Your sister might be a “good” person but she’s also rude, devoid of empathy for those struggling, willing to criticize but not assist, etc. I won’t risk being banned for saying what I think she is.
Oh, and when you have the resources please give back to the food bank you used. I donate, volunteer, and work for a company that partners with the one I used to go to.
I know that renting is way more expensive than owning in many places, but it was not where I lived at the time I bought my place.
Many people are being shafted by crazy rental markets and should go to the food bank.” bethsophia
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all! Your comment was not the “unnecessary and rude” one, I promise. There is absolutely nothing wrong with raising kids in an apartment.
It sounds like your sister respects the children, but has no respect for you or your husband. If y’all are stable and you at least have a comfortable living situation, that’s what matters. If you and your children have a roof over your heads, food in your tummies, and clothes on your backs, that’s what’s important.
You don’t need a big house to be a happy family. If she’s not comfortable with your living situation (which is really none of her beeswax) and she can’t show you any respect, then she doesn’t have to visit anymore. But do not be afraid to set boundaries with her.
Do not be afraid to tell her that your finances and living situation are none of her business and you don’t want to talk about them with her, and she needs to respect your boundaries. IMO she has no reason to be angry…she wasn’t the one who was judged and criticized by her own sister.
It’s never easy to be judged, talked down to, and criticized by family, but I think you handled the situation well. I honestly would’ve told her to leave right then and there, so kudos to you for how you handled it.” Reddit User
11. AITJ For Refusing To Continue Financially Supporting My Family Despite My Own Debt?
“I, 30F, decided to stop helping my family after I got into huge debt because of them.
My parents weren’t the best at handling financial issues; they always got into trouble and since I was 16, I started working to support them. When I got to university, I didn’t go to the university I wanted because it was too expensive and after my first year my dad stopped paying saying “I will only pay if you change to a cheaper major.” Even though I was an A student.
Long story short, I worked harder and kept going until one semester he took my university fund to buy himself a car. I couldn’t attend that semester and paused my studies to work and help them out; I was working 3 jobs and took a loan for them and it still wasn’t enough.
Before, I quit my full-time job because I developed depression which led to health issues due to a toxic environment; I couldn’t find anything else except small part-time jobs, but I kept supporting them. I found a paid internship 6 months ago, but the pay is low and it’s me starting all over again.
My brother lost his job and they want me to help him even though I am in huge debt because they refused to help me pay the loan back when I wasn’t working. The salary I get now is divided 75% to debt payments and bills and the 25% left is for me for gas and food which is around $150.
PS. I am trying to find another job with my 8-5 job just so I can go out more often and get some new clothes.
More info: I did recently move out to another city. I do not live in the US.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The only ‘family’ you’re obligated to take care of financially are the children you bring into this world. Your parents should be the ones who provide for you – not the other way around. I grew up poor because my parents struggled to get stable high-paying jobs, but eventually, as we got older they did and they’ve never asked for help as adults.
Your family sounds like they have no idea how to be financially stable. That problem won’t correct itself. Unless they decide to learn how to manage their own money, they’ll always leech off of you. If you want to have the ability to live debt-free, have savings, and retire before you’re 70 years old, you’ll have to stop allowing them to drain you.
Just cut them off.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ cut them OFF. You are not the bank for the entire family! If I were you I’d contact The three major credit bureaus have them put a fraud alert on your SS number, just in case.
Your parents sound like they’d go open another loan on you if they could. “No I can’t help you, can’t help my brother I am barely helping myself!” Hang up or walk away after you’ve told them NO. As soon as they start either say “gotta go, talk to ya later” and hang up or walk away and head home.
Refuse to discuss the topic of money at all. Stop telling them where you work, how much you make, and what your hours are!! Don’t tell them ANYTHING! Be very very vague. If they ask how much you make say “not sure I have to check my stub” then never say.
Change the subject or just say it’s none of your concern! That’s it. Let them figure life out away from you.” TisThee_Reason
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Darling, STOP. You have to STOP. You can’t help anyone until you can help yourself. And even then, you don’t help unless they are helping themselves.
You are going to burn out. Stop taking out any loans, stop giving them ANY money. As a matter of fact, if you can go NC and live with someone else please do it. Your sacrifices mean nothing to them. Your credit ranking means nothing to them.
To them, you’re a tool to be used and drained until you are dry. You have a whole life to live and I feel the weariness in you already through your post. You can’t do this anymore. So, please, STOP. It doesn’t sound like they are struggling (a NEW car?) they just want more of everything.
Your life has barely begun and they are draining every resource. Dear, just STOP.” moew4974
10. AITJ For Asking My Roommate's Loud Partner To Leave Our Shared Room?
“I (22F) live in a barracks at a military school with one roommate (21F). As it is a barracks, it is a very small room. 18 feet long, maybe 10 feet wide. As such, there is really no privacy. We share a tiny room.
My roommate recently entered a relationship with another student (19M). He is nice and respectful, however, they are both (especially her) very loud people. They have very animated conversations essentially always and I’d say every 15-20 minutes one of them says something so funny or alarming that they devolve into yelling or scream-laughing.
This all happens approximately five feet from me. He is in here essentially the whole day. Almost every single night I have to ask him to leave when I want to go to bed.
Onto the actual conflict — I am in my room right now and they are on about hour two of the usual. I am listening to a show with headphones, but I can still hear them over it.
I’m not doing anything important at all, but to be honest, I’m just sick of consistent literal screaming and an extra person in my 150 sq ft. room 16 hours of the day, so I asked them to please go hang out in his room, go out for a while, or to just do a quiet activity.
My roommate is upset at me because it is “her room too”, which is true. She’s also upset because I have my partner in here too sometimes. However, he’s in here for maybe an hour or two every day, and we’re usually just watching an episode of a show quietly or studying together.
I’m not really sure if I was a jerk to ask them to leave her own room. I was very annoyed with the situation, but I’m sure I annoy her sometimes too. Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your room too, so you both need to be comfortable there.
While it’s fine for her to bring the guy over from time to time, they need to respect that it’s your space as well and not overdo it. It sounds like they’re overdoing it and they should go spend more time in his room or a common area.” Hi_Im_Dadbot
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s a small space. The two of them with their enthusiastic behavior have essentially taken over the space. If you cannot even watch something with headphones and have to ask someone to leave so you can sleep, it’s no longer your room.
Try to explain this to your RM. Perhaps record the two of them at their loudest and play it back for her when just the two of you are in the room when she is trying to study or relax. This might help her understand what you are going through.
Ask for reasonable boundaries and curfew times. Hopefully, you can come to an understanding.” grckalck
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “Her room too” is not a justification. What “her room too” entitled her to get is a discussion AND compromise about how you BOTH use the shared space.
Mature adults communicate and figure out a compromise about various issues that impact both of you in order to facilitate a smooth situation. Now, if you refuse to discuss and/or compromise, that’s a different issue. Ask her what she proposes as a compromise. Make sure you have your own suggestions.
There is a middle ground between banning him from the room and his being there whenever she wants him to be.” Veridical_Perception
9. AITJ For Considering Seating A Socially Awkward Student Alone?
“I (31F) am an 8th grade social studies teacher. The classroom I was given has desks that are for 2 people. Most of my classes are large so I have to put 2 kids at each desk. For the past 3 quarters, I have tried to guess who was friends with who and seat them accordingly but there was a lot of drama and seats were switched many times over the quarters.
The 3rd quarter of the year ended yesterday so I’m switching seats again. This time I decided to give all the kids a little note card and have them write down people they’d prefer to sit next to and I added that they should write down if there is someone they are not okay with sitting next to.
For most of the periods, this all went smoothly until my second to last period of the day. Every single kid in the class wrote down that they didn’t want to be seated next to one boy who I’ll call Nick.
Nick is pretty socially awkward and I’ve noticed that the other kids typically don’t like being around him.
They’re never actively mean to him but just aren’t very friendly. My stepdaughter is in 9th grade but knows some 8th graders and I asked her if she knew if Nick had done anything offensive or that would make other kids dislike him, she said he’s generally kinda weird.
He doesn’t pick up on social cues well and makes people kinda uncomfortable around him.
There are an even number of kids in the class however there is one girl who has a para with her who would probably sit beside her if she didn’t have a partner and she wrote that she would prefer not having a partner if possible.
There is one leftover desk anyway so I’m considering sitting Nick by himself.
I talked to my wife about it who was diagnosed as autistic 2 years ago. She agrees that it’s a hard situation because while she’d hate to have to sit alone as a kid when everyone else got partners she would also hate being sat next to someone who you specified you did not want to sit with.
I considered talking to guidance about it but I am 100% sure they would just tell me to deal with it myself. I’m not really sure what to do. But If I sat him by himself when he wrote that he wanted a partner, WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If the kid is on the autism spectrum it would be kind of cruel to seat him alone, because that’s basically a punishment for being different. It’s not his fault he’s so misunderstood by other students. Also, I’m a teacher, and while I understand wanting to allow students to sit where they want, clearly this has led to issues in your class as you’ve had to switch seats several times this year.
Allowing students to pick their seats has now caused a very unfortunate social situation for this kid and I find that sad.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – Number the seats and have the kids pick a number (you can put them on popsicle sticks or something else reusable) each class or each week – no trading!
That way nobody is stuck next to someone they don’t like for too long. For the girl who has the para (I assume that means paraprofessional aid) and requested no partner – check her IEP to see if a solo seat would be covered by her accommodations.
If so, let her know ahead of time of the new plan for changing up seating more often and ask if she would prefer to always have her own desk or be part of the pick-a-number process. I know you say that guidance won’t do anything, but I do think it is worth mentioning to them.
Just because they won’t do their part doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do yours.” Forward_Squirrel8879
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You are a teacher and are to teach all your students not use the ones that are easy to deal with. You will be doing the kid such a disservice if you isolate which will only exacerbate the social awkwardness.
Talk to the guidance people anyway and make them earn their darn money. Bring in the student’s parents as well and figure out a way he can be a part of the class while minimizing the problems. Discuss with him specifically what he is saying that is inappropriate in non-reactionary ways.
See if he has any friends or kids he hangs out with to see if he can sit with them, or there may be a student in your class who doesn’t have a problem with it. Is there a student who has expressed interest in being a teacher who would be willing to sit with him as long as he doesn’t interfere with their learning process?
Perhaps try groups of four instead of two? Personally, I would never have asked the students who they did and did not want to sit with as you’ve set yourself up for possible problems. As a teacher, I never sat friends together as in most cases it was a recipe for disaster.
Obviously the same for enemies.” VintageSed
8. AITJ For Telling My Son He Can't Use His Sister's Makeup And Clothes Without Permission?
“I (36m) have a son called Jake (10m) and a daughter called Rebecca (14f).
Jake is a pretty… flamboyant kid. He’s always been quite feminine and that’s fine, he is who he is. But lately, Rebecca has come to me and their mom complaining that her makeup is all messed up and her clothes are missing. I didn’t really have to be a detective to work out who had messed around with them.
I asked Jake about it and he admitted he occasionally goes into her room and tries on her stuff. I told him that Rebecca’s clothes and particularly her makeup (because he apparently mixes things up and ruins them) are not for him to use.
My wife came to me afterward and said I’m being unreasonable, that Jake is clearly going through a period of expression, and that I’m bordering on being homo/transphobic if I’m trying to put a stop to it.
I will admit I don’t like my son wearing makeup and dresses but that’s not the point and I wouldn’t admit that to him or anyone. The point is he shouldn’t be going into his sister’s room and taking her stuff, or damaging her makeup, especially not without her permission.
If he wants his own stuff he can buy it with his allowance like his sister does.
My wife says I wouldn’t be saying that if Jake was a girl, that sisters share and I’m holding him to a different standard. I maintain I’m right in respecting my daughter’s boundaries.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Suggest he plays with his mom’s makeup. Let’s see how chill she is with him messing it all up then. Realistically though, you’re gonna have to find some way of getting him his own makeup to play with. “Flamboyance” doesn’t go away, and you’re at the stage where you get to choose what kind of memories he one day has of you back when he was figuring himself out.
One day he could be 40 years old, hanging out with his family and friends and he could start reminiscing about how his dad was kinda old-school but darn if he didn’t buy him his own makeup and give him a hug and say Have Fun Buddy.
I was watching RuPaul’s Drag Race and one of the contestants told a story about how one day when he was a kid, his big old traditional Latino dad found him in his bedroom trying to apply makeup. The boy quailed in fear, but instead, the dad just said “I love you, but if you’re gonna do something, then I insist you be the best at it!” And thus encouraged, the boy watched a ton of YouTube videos about makeup and got great skills and started winning competitions.
And he was so close to his dad, the way he talked about him was so beautiful. One day your son could talk about you that way. And you never know, he could be the next Kevyn Aucoin!” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are teaching your son boundaries, whether he likes to wear feminine clothes and make-up or not.
“Sisters share” is the most nonsense excuse in existence, usually in favor of the golden child while the other sister gets everything stolen. If you want to compromise, get your son a make-up set of his own, perhaps some clothes that he prefers to wear.
If it makes your son happy to wear a dress or a skirt and use some mascara, it isn’t hurting anyone. What is hurting someone, is constantly going into his sister’s room, using her stuff without permission, and ruining her makeup. That stuff is expensive and to have someone smudge colors or break the fragile palates, would be more than a little frustrating.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Next time your children get their allowance, ask your daughter (ask not tell) if she will help her brother pick out some makeup for him to buy and take them both shopping. Who knows it might end up a bonding moment for them.
It will also show that you respect both your children. It is important to respect boundaries and not just take from others. But, especially with something like your son wanting to wear makeup and female clothes, to provide a supportive alternative so your son can trust you.” CatAnne119
7. AITJ For Reporting My Online Harassers To Their Mothers Instead Of The Authorities?
“I’m an 18-year-old girl who is in college at the moment. I’ve been getting bullied/harassed by three guys in my class who have taken to messaging me online with rather gross/harassing messages and inappropriate pictures that I’m sure you can all fill in the gaps without me going into detail.
I should have reported them or just blocked them but I had had enough so I screenshot every message they’d sent me and found their mothers through their social media pages and sent screenshots to them including an explanation of who I am and how their sons have been bothering me.
Their mothers were horrified and shocked by what I sent them explaining what was going on and all three are on my side. Some of my friends think this is genius and exactly what they deserved but some of my other friends think I took it too far and it was out of line to put that on their mothers and also how I don’t know what their home life is like.
Am I the jerk for doing this? Should I have gone about it another way?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Each of these guys could potentially be charged criminally; instead, you told their mothers. I applaud you for employing a method that will ensure they have some kind of punishment from their families.
To be clear, it may not be any more effective overall than reporting to the police, but it’s worth the shot. As for your friends who say you took it too far, I’d ask them how far they think the three guys have gone, and whether that’s too far?
Then tell those “friends” to get lost.” tosser9212
Another User Comments:
“This is gold! NTJ. You actually chose an option that would cause them less trouble for their future. Most colleges have pretty strict rules about bullying. They might have been kicked out. You picked the more effective choice without destroying their future.
To be honest, even if you had chosen to report them to the college, you would still have not been the jerk. Bullying and harassment should never be tolerated.” Allyzayd
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – not sure where you live but if it’s in the UK this is actually a crime now, and I imagine with its recent legalization the local Police Force would be rather interested in this too.
I’d go the whole hog, forget them and their disrespect for your boundaries. This happened to me prior to the change of laws, so I issued a warning that if anyone shared the image with me I’d consider it my property to do as I wish and share it on social media.
Never had one again happily enough… these disrespectful pests need to learn to respect people’s boundaries and unfortunately from my experience, they don’t seem to understand the word no.” Free-Celery__19
6. AITJ For Lying About Having A Nut Allergy When I Just Didn't Like Nuts?
“I met my wife in 2007 and have been very happily married for many years. But when we first met, I told her I had a nut allergy which wasn’t entirely true at the time. I just really didn’t like nuts, peanut butter, or anything of the sort.
So rather than explaining to people that I don’t like nuts and have them ask why, I just thought it was easier to say I have an allergy. I never got tested as a kid and because I never really ate them, we all just assumed I was fine with nuts but just didn’t like eating them.
One day she gave me a muffin that had nuts in it and she realized after my first bite and smacked it out of my hands in fear that she was about to start an allergic reaction. Obviously, at this point, I had to come clean on the matter and she was upset and felt like I had lied to her.
Which, it was a lie but I just didn’t think it was too big a deal.
Fast forward to now. For reasons unknown, I wanted to try an American-style peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Actually really like them. But when I would eat one, I started to get a rash on my face and as it turns out, I am legitimately allergic to nuts.
My wife was upset at this discovery and wanted to confirm with further testing, refusing to believe I am actually allergic.
So, AITJ for telling my wife I was allergic to nuts?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for lying. Allergies are serious, not something to pretend about.
But it sounds like you actually are allergic to peanuts. You should see an allergist and get testing to confirm that. FYI, peanuts are technically legumes, and being allergic to peanuts doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll be allergic to other nuts. An allergist can help you determine exactly what you’re allergic to.
That will help with your wife because you can’t lie about objective medical test results. I would be upset at you too if I were her. Lying about something this serious is really bad. And as someone with an anaphylactic food allergy myself, I find it infuriating.
People who lie like you did are the reason we don’t get believed about real, very serious food allergies.” eefr
Another User Comments:
“I have a child who could die from eating peanuts. He is also allergic to tree nuts (coconut is a tree nut by the way).
By lying about your allergy you have contributed to the problem where people don’t take allergies seriously. One of the dumbest things I’ve ever been asked was exactly how much could the kiddo eat before a reaction began? My answer was I’m not sure & I don’t have plans to risk his life to find out.
I hate to say that karma came knocking, but maybe it did. Your wife has every right to be angry, though there are allergies that are life-threatening and those that aren’t. I have an oral allergy to bananas, walnuts, and pecans. Please get checked out by an allergist, not your family Dr or whatnot.
Go to someone trained in the field.” Back-to-HAT
Another User Comments:
“I mean, of course lying to people about life-and-death situations is a jerk-ish thing to do. And of course, once you do that, they’ll be skeptical if you try to make the same claim again, even if it is legitimately true this time.
So, of course, YTJ for the lie, and you are experiencing the natural consequences of that lie now. So I guess my real question is why did you need to post this? Who is telling you that you weren’t a jerk for the lie? Because if you are posting this because you think your wife is being unfair for not automatically believing you now (and therefore insisting on the allergy testing), then that is really deserving of a second YTJ judgment.” DinaFelice
5. AITJ For Refusing To Fund My Sister-In-Law's Fertility Treatments?
“I (32M) am very wealthy. I sold my startup to a big company 10 years ago and invested my money well since. My wife (33F) and I have been together since high school.
We have 5 kids (13F, 8F, twins 4M and 1F). We had our first baby young and were flat broke, unplanned, not ready, etc. We made it work and luckily, I really succeeded financially afterward. We made a deal back then that we would not have more kids unless we had the money to give them a nice life.
We wanted a big family and since we have the money now, we were able to make our dream come true.
My wife’s sister (46F) is single, childless, and does okay financially, but is not rich. She wants a baby and the treatments would be almost 100.000 dollars total. It’s more than she can afford.
She asked us for the money a few weeks ago and my wife and I have been discussing it. She texts her or me every couple of days to “check on our deal.”
Yesterday the family was at our place for my 13-year-old’s birthday and my SIL just blurts out “you two were poor when you had her, why won’t you help me have one now that you’re rich?” I told her to please let it go right now and we will talk about it in private.
She called me a selfish and entitled jerk in front of both our families. I got angry and told her that now she is for sure not getting our money.
Her family has been blowing up my phone, calling me a jerk.
AITJ for not paying for her treatments, even though I could do it?”
Another User Comments:
“Forgetting the money request, which is absolutely absurd. She’s 46. By the time she has a baby, she could be 47, 48, or older. That baby will be so high risk of many many health problems and so will mom. And with increased likelihood of MAJOR lifelong health problems or birth defects… Comes increased cost. How is she going to cope with that?
She’s going to be trying to retire before her kid graduates. All as a single mother. These things are challenging, not impossible, in isolation. But together, these things you’d be supporting by paying for her IVF. As a child of older parents, Please do not support this.
There’s absolutely a reason why women rarely naturally have kids at that type of age NTJ.” useragreement13
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As tragic as her fertility issues are, she is not entitled to your money to pay for it. This is even worse, as you hadn’t turned her down yet – you and your wife were discussing it, and she was not helping her case by continuing to nag you about your decision, and especially not by blowing up at you in public.
As anyone can see by your reaction – she pretty much killed her chances with her little stunt. Also, it is a low move to get family members to use peer pressure to try to convince you. This is a coward’s tactic, it is what people do when they know they have otherwise lost, so they get a bunch of other people to gang up and bully you.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She disrespects you in your own home. How would that make you WANT to help her? If her family wants her to have treatmennts, THEY can pool their money and give it to her. Block these people. It is none of their business.
She is 46. If she cannot afford these treatments, that is her problem, not yours. And who is to say that the treatments would even work? You could be flushing that money down the toilet. The one who is selfish is her. She is 46 and is planning on raising a child on her own.
If she got pregnant TODAY, she would be 64 when her kid graduated from high school. My take on this is that she is feeling a void in her life and thinks a baby will fill it. Maybe she should consider a dog.” [deleted]
4. AITJ For Banning My Son's Controlling Ex From Our Home?
“My (40F) son (18M) was seeing the daughter of one of my husband’s friends named Riley (18F) for 3 years, they ended things 5 months ago and he never gave a reason. She did come a few days after the break up but he always asked to please tell him he wasn’t home.
He had a motorcycle accident 3 weeks ago and is at home resting while my husband takes care of him (my husband is a doctor and my son is safe to be home, he does his checkups and everything). We scolded him for his accident but decided not to punish him because he had the accident for the most noble reason.
I don’t know if it is because he feels vulnerable but he opened up about why he ended things with Riley, around 10 months he began to question his sexuality and he thought he was gay, but refused to admit it. Things didn’t help when he began to feel like he didn’t love Riley anymore, he wasn’t comfortable and felt awful about it, he also thought that it was ridiculous he was gay, because for him ”gay” looked and specific way and he didn’t look like that.
He ended things with Riley and had a small fling with one of his classmates, he eventually realized that he was bi, but that he didn’t love Riley anymore not because of his sexuality, but because she was hyper-controlling. He told me that as the popular girl, she expected my son to look a certain way, he began to work out almost as soon as they started to see each other because she wanted a jock.
She dyed his hair black and also wanted him to dress a certain way, he wasn’t ”verbally abused” (which I don’t believe him) but she molded him into something he wasn’t comfortable with.
Now that he had the accident, a lot of friends have come to visit him, they’re totally different people from the ones he used to hang out with while being with Riley.
My husband and I are happy that our son is finally himself again, he even has a fresher and younger vibe. Riley’s father came to pay him a visit too, he let him in, they had a small talk (mostly about motorcycles and school) and he sat in the living room.
I thought he was waiting for my husband, but he said that Riley was on her way to see my son, the overall conversation went like this:
Me: Sorry, but (my son) isn’t feeling well anymore, Riley will have to see him another time.
Him: But she’s already on her way, she should be here soon.
Me: I understand, but my son wants to rest.
Him: He can suck it up, c’mon, they were seeing each other for 3 years, this isn’t okay.
Me: Even if they were seeing each other for a lifetime, he doesn’t want to see her. And also, she’s not allowed in my home anymore, she mistreated my boy to the point he was scared of accepting himself.
Please leave and tell your daughter she’s not welcome here.
He called me a jerk, and when my husband found out, they discussed it, but agreed that it was rude of me and our son because they shared 3 years and I said that it’s not like he owed her something.
Even though, I do feel like a jerk because I could’ve made a lot of reasons and not told Riley’s father the truth.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. For whatever reason, if someone (especially your child) doesn’t want the presence of someone they don’t want there, that is their right.
You and your son aren’t rude. It’s one thing if she was the one in the accident and wanted his presence, but in a time where he’s in immense distress & pain, he shouldn’t have to put up with a person he doesn’t like anymore because “he owes her.”” Humble-Trust-9339
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Honesty is the best policy, especially since he didn’t take the polite no. But you owe them nothing. Your loyalty is to your son. Your son wasn’t abusive to Riley, thus your son deserves you to consider his feelings before hers & her dad’s.
As long as your son says he doesn’t want to see her then you absolutely can prevent it. & even if he did want to see her, it’s your house, they can meet anywhere outside. If she’s not welcomed in your house, she’s not welcomed.” rtgd_mmm
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. They were seeing each other for three years and then he just called it off. Actually, he does owe her an explanation. I don’t know where everyone got the idea that just because you don’t want to see someone, it isn’t rude to just ghost someone.
There are so many conflicts with the reasons given. Did he think he was gay, was he being controlled, or did he just fall out of love? Sure, all of them could have happened, too, I guess. Then there’s that weird line about getting in an accident for noble reasons.
Without more info, it’s pure conjecture, but it sounds like he likes to make stuff up to deflect the blame for everything, be it accidents or relationship fails, away from himself. Anyway, if he’s ending things with her, he’s got to grow up and actually do it.
Otherwise he, and apparently you since you’re somehow in this relationship too, creepily enough, are not fit for relationships. They aren’t just about yourself. You both need to learn that.” BreadedAgain
3. AITJ For Responding Rudely To A Woman Who Criticized My Outfit At Universal Studios?
“A while back myself (29f), my children (8f and 6m), and some family went on a vacation to Universal Studios in Orlando, Florida.
On this particular day, the weather was overcast, light drizzle, and hot. So I decided to wear a one-piece swimsuit with shorts. My children had on similar outfits. We got on water rides, danced in the rain, and overall had a great time.
While waiting in line for a ride my youngest had to use the bathroom.
My group stayed in line and I took him to use the restroom. I asked before we left the line if we could rejoin our group and was given the okay. As we’re walking back to meet our group I walk past a woman who yells “you need to put some clothes on!” I see she’s with her family and I look at them because I thought she was talking to them.
I ask her if she was talking to me and she gets snippy saying there are kids and how I’m practically unclothed and inappropriate. I could have kept moving and ignored her but I didn’t.
I proceeded to tell her to mind her own freaking business and asked her husband if she was always an embarrassment if she always harassed people.
Her family didn’t say anything and I proceeded to keep heading to my group while telling her off.
I told my family what happened and they said I should have just told her I paid to be there like everyone else and not use foul language at her.
She also could have acted like wearing a swimsuit and shorts in 90-degree humid Florida wasn’t weird. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I was oscillating e s h or n t j but I gotta give ya NTJ… that woman was definitely a huge jerk and deserved to be put in place.
I just take exception to the yelling/swearing in front of kids including your own is setting a bad example. But I can’t blame you. That woman was way out of line and what you said to her husband has me LMAO.” Seemoreifsandsorbuts
Another User Comments:
“ESH. The whole line of people, both adults and children did not need to listen to your foul mouth. That woman in line wasn’t the only one embarrassing herself that day. And I’m someone who enjoys foul language, but time and place, lady.” Forsaken_Slug_521
Another User Comments:
“ESH, so rather than ignoring a random rude stranger you decided to escalate it? Yeah that’s not some kind of righteous reaction, you lowered yourself to her level and went lower.” Lorraine221
2. AITJ For Telling My Nephew's Biological Mom To Stop Claiming Grief Over His Death?
“When my nephew was 6 months old, CPS placed him in my care. His parents weren’t making good choices and couldn’t care for him. Fast forward: 2 days before his 3rd birthday he was diagnosed with kidney cancer. We were legal guardians and oversaw his care and treatments.
His mom saw him twice over the 16 months he was in treatment. He ended up passing at 4. We took care of the funeral and everything. He was my baby, my son and I felt like I lost my child.
His mother came to the funeral but was kicked out when she was caught stealing cards.
She continuously posts about losing him and pictures of his headstone, and a mother’s grief. The last post she made about him taking his last breath and how devastating that was sent me over the edge (she wasn’t even there).
Here’s where I may be the jerk: I sent her a message about how she lost the right to claim losing him and to stop seeking attention for a child that was MY son.
She gave birth and that was it.
AITJ? Do I need to apologize? I was so very angry and hurt.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Where was this grief when he was sick? This sounds like an instance of her using his death for attention.
The fact that you messaged her privately and not in the post for everyone to see is admirable. I would have called her out in the post and asked where she was when he was in the hospital and why she only came to his funeral to steal cards.” lostalldoubt86
Another User Comments:
““Not making good choices.” You were quite kind for phrasing it this way. I will tell you from my family experience that parents who lose custody develop a protective shield so they don’t have to face the awful truth of what they’ve done.
My sister is raising a granddaughter. If you read the mom’s social media posts, you would think that grandma called social services and they simply swooped in and grabbed the child for no reason so grandma could have a child to raise. Also, claims the entire CPS system falsified substance report results because she complied with everything.
My niece claims victimhood and others believe her. It’s really just an elaborate lie to protect herself from the awful truth and to make herself look better. The courts and the system gave Mom every chance and then some more before they finally severed parental rights.
My only advice is for you to find solace in the truth. Not much you can do when your sister has deluded herself. I hope you find peace that you kept that baby safe and loved in the time you had him. I’m so sorry for your loss.
Your anger is righteous but you can’t control others’ behavior You are def NTJ.” BarbaraGenie
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You certainly stepped into a mother role, but I think of this as a stepchild dying. Both the stepmother and the bio mother have a right to grieve.
And honestly, everybody has a right to grieve however they want. I get you being angry and resentful of her taking back that role when she was barely there during his illness, but that doesn’t mean she didn’t love her child or hope for the day when she was in a place to take care of him properly.
I think it was right for you to take a moment by blocking her, but I hope you will unblock her soon. You both could use each other’s support during this time, and you two will feel this loss deeper than most.” agathalives
1. AITJ For Inviting My Ex-Mother-In-Law Over To See Our Daughter?
“My daughter got back to my house from her mom’s on the fifth of July. A few days later my former mother-in-law called, crying, saying my ex-wife hadn’t let her see our daughter once the entire time she was at her house because of a fight between my ex and her mother.
My former MiL and I haven’t spoken much since the divorce since we aren’t really related anymore, but we’ve never had a problem with each other.
I said sure, come over. She lives like two hours away, so I said she could stay overnight. She showed up the next day after breakfast. We went to my neighborhood pool and had a great time.
She took me and the kiddo to lunch. I made us all dinner. She snuggled up with my daughter and watched The Wizard of Oz. The next day she made us breakfast and then took my daughter to a playground. I met them for lunch, then we went back to the house.
While my daughter was getting changed in her room my former MiL got very emotional with me, and I said it was fine and we’d arrange further visits. She said goodbye to my daughter, they hugged and then she left.
This morning my ex called, furious, asking me if her mother visited me.
I said yes. She went off on me, saying I had no right because it’s her mother and she cut her mother out of her life and I shouldn’t interfere. I said I’m not interfering with their relationship, but I can have her at my place if I want.
She said I can’t while our daughter is there. I said I can. We were going back and forth, so I hung up.
I think I can have anyone in my daughter’s life as long as they’re a positive influence. AITJ?
Edit: My ex is mad at her mom because her mom hates her new husband and refuses to have anything to do with her stepkids because she doesn’t want to get attached to kids she doesn’t think will be in her life for long because the marriage is doomed.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Unless there is a part of this we are missing, you facilitated a visit between your child and her grandmother. My partner’s ex-wife is estranged from her father and refuses to let him see the kids. So we facilitate those visits.
If the grandmother is good to your child, and there is no danger, let her keep visiting. I would suggest you ask your ex-wife if there is a safety and well-being concern regarding your daughter seeing her grandmother. Ask her in an email so you have it in writing.
If there is no danger, then keep doing the visits.” cschmidtusa
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I think your kid doesn’t deserve to be punished for something she has no control over. Years ago we had a similar situation because my aunt was fighting with the grands.
I was watching the kids so the grands would pick the kids up and drop them off at my house – it was a great solution until the adults could get along. I think what you did was wonderful and I love that you put the child first, hopefully, your ex can do that too.” Affectionate_Ice_658
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Would you feel great about your daughter’s potential step-grandma treating her differently from her step-siblings and there being no effort made to stop it? Your wife is trying to do right, funnily enough, by your daughter. No one wants to live in a household in which they’re ostracized by the other children because the adults treat them differently.
That is not your mom. Frankly what you’re doing doesn’t even make sense. Why would you risk your relationship with the mother of your child in favor of her mother? Do not be surprised when your petty is met with petty. That weekend you would like to swap?
Denied. The extra weekend you would like her to take your child? Denied. And I won’t blame her. Being a parent is hard. Being a step-parent is hard. Being a co-parent is hard. You’re making all of these things difficult for your ex.” Powerful-Adventurer
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