People Try To See The Positive In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Situation
21. AITJ For Stepping Down From Leadership After Losing Unfair Election?
“I (28f) have been a member of a large volunteer organization for several years. I am one of the longest-standing members, I have spent hundreds of hours on various aspects of it, I’ve held small leadership positions in almost every area, and I have a large amount of experience being the president of another organization as well.
When I first joined, things were not going well, so I (with others) worked our tails off to improve that, and we did.
In fact, we did so well with improving the atmosphere that we had a massive amount of incoming members, who quickly became very close with each other (something we specifically encouraged) and had absolutely no idea how bad things used to be, or how much behind-the-scenes work it takes to maintain the way things are now.
I ran for president in the most recent election. I ran against five other candidates. Four of us had years of experience and had been preparing our campaign for months/years. One person (let’s call them Alex) was extremely new (a few weeks), had zero experience at all, decided to run at the last minute, and had a very large friend group with other new members.
Alex was barely allowed to run due to how new they were but made the cut by a handful of days. You can see where this is going.
It was extremely close between me and Alex, and I lost by one vote. The rest of the elected officials were all new members, of the same friend group, also without experience.
Then, it was discovered that 9-10 votes, specifically the votes of other people in leadership positions who worked closely with me, were not counted. This was not intentional or malicious, simply a computer error.
Apparently, every single one of them voted for me. I technically won.
They tried to get the election results overturned because of it, but higher-ups would not allow it, because they feared it would look like favoritism. At the end of the day, I was told to keep quiet and not let anyone know about this.
That brings me to my current situation.
Because nobody on the new executive team has any experience, I started facing a lot of pressure to take on a lower leadership position solely to guide them and ensure our hard work didn’t go to waste. I absolutely refused. In fact, I’ve decided to drop all leadership roles and do absolutely nothing this year.
This has led to multiple people telling me that I don’t truly care about the organization, that I’ll be responsible if it falls apart, etc. I feel like it’s a slap in the face to expect me to do what a president does without the title to show it.
Am I the jerk for dropping all leadership positions and letting the new team do whatever they want to do?”
Another User Comments:
“I was promised the next promotion was mine and coming soon. I had been operating in a “temporary” role for almost a year and had 8 years with the company.
The next opening came up, and a woman who had been with the company for 2 months in another district put in a transfer and was given the role. At my location, working for my mentor. I was asked to train her. That night I put in applications for other companies.
By the end of the week, I put in my notice. Transfer girl lasted 4 months. NTJ. They can reap what they’ve sown. I personally would make it clear that all the votes were not counted, you were asked to stay quiet and asked to essentially do the work of the position behind the scenes with no recognition.
We don’t know what the organization is, but there are often several organizations to join with similar missions and several ways to be in service of that mission. Op could also start her own non-profit, and she may find others from her past are willing to follow.” Affectionate_Taro876
Another User Comments:
“Does this group have a board of directors or some other, similar group that supervises things? If so, this is their problem to clean up. If I were in your position, I would go to them and lay out the facts: You were elected fairly, but the votes were not counted properly.
They’re apparently unwilling to admit to this for fear that it would make them look foolish. (It would.) The organization is now pressuring you to solve problems created by their error in counting the votes. That’s not fair to anybody, and I wouldn’t stand for it either.
And if they’re not willing to make it right, I would walk away and dedicate my time to some other organization that would appreciate my contributions and treat me properly. NTJ.” Remarkable_Inchworm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Having been in a similar position, trust me, the smartest thing you can do for your own mental health is completely withdraw from the organization.
If you stay, you will end up being the “fix it” guy. Everyone will come to you when something isn’t going right. If something doesn’t work, you will be blamed for “sabotage”, even if it isn’t your fault and you had nothing to do with it.
If you save the day, the other folks will get credit because they’re in charge. Those requests for you to fix it will also come at the last minute when a situation is either in or approaching crisis point, and it will be 10x harder to fix than if you’d been allowed to do it in the first place.
You can also expect those who should have been in charge to withhold or misrepresent things to you, so you can’t succeed and make them look bad. Those other inexperienced folks are also going to learn pretty quickly how hard it truly is to run an organization and (I predict) that many will be resigning within a few weeks/months.
(Again, if you hang around you’ll be blamed because you are “too difficult” to work with, especially when you won’t do their job for them or magically fix issues of their own creation) and the next round of volunteers will be even more inexperienced, because who wants to jump into a mess without pay?
This is the typical downward spiral of organizations where this type of thing happens. There is no set of facts here that ends well for you. Cut your losses, give them back any paper/records/access you may have, and walk away. There are lots of other organizations that would welcome the help of an experienced person such as yourself.” Tarik861
20. AITJ For Being Upset My Brother Told My Friend She'd Be My Bridesmaid?
“I am getting married soon and my brother decided to ask my childhood best friend to be my bridesmaid. When he told me that she had agreed to the role, I was shocked. I had no idea he would do that. I felt like he stepped on my toes since doesn’t every bride want to ask her own bridesmaids to assume such a role?
When I told our mother about it, she just brushed it off jokingly saying “oh! He’s very naughty for doing that!”
I’m upset that he crossed a boundary, so I brought the topic up in our group chat and both my brother and mother acted like it wasn’t a big deal at all and I shouldn’t think he was being malicious.
AITJ for getting upset at them about this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When I got married my future BIL’s partner assumed she was going to be a bridesmaid even though we didn’t get along (too long a story for this post). I asked a friend to come with me when I explained that no, she was not going to be a bridesmaid as my only attendant was going to be my sister.
Unfortunately, she did not take that well but that’s another story. Bottom line, it’s your wedding, you choose your attendants. If the person is still a friend she will understand, you can both laugh about how excited your brother is about the wedding and his tendency to forget it’s not his.
By the way, any chance he has a ‘crush’ on her?” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m just trying to figure this whole thing out. First, I assume your brother isn’t elementary-school-aged, correct? And not neuro-divergent? Your childhood bestie. But Bro is calling her to ask her to be in the wedding party?
Are they often in contact? Is he sweet on her? Is he closer to her now than you are? That’s kinda the vibe I’m getting. This isn’t a “haha, what a naughty little boy” situation. He didn’t chomp a bite of someone else’s birthday cake before it was cut.
He didn’t fall into the creek wearing his “Sunday best.” He didn’t color himself with a Sharpie the evening before Picture Day. He’s (assumption) a grown jerk, not a little stinker/rascal/goober. As others have said, consider putting “passwords” with your wedding vendors so no one else can make changes.
And Bro needs to fix his overstepping, though I doubt he would.” mini_mimi_mouse
Another User Comments:
“If you want somebody else as a bridesmaid then make your brother fix his mess. Tell him he needs to inform the other girl he screwed up.
If he refuses tell the girl the truth. That your brother asked in his own and you’re sorry he did a terrible thing like that. The last thing you should do is keep her as MOH if she’s not your real choice. Unfortunately, you need to put out the fire your idiot brother started asap.
It’ll just get worse with time.” FlexibleMorality1
19. AITJ For Telling My Daughter Her Outfit Was Tacky?
“I (38m) have a wonderful daughter (15f). I’m not going to lie, my daughter makes some weird outfits. Ever since she was young she would combine the weirdest stuff in her closet and would wear it out.
Usually, I wouldn’t say anything because my wife insisted she was just having fun. But earlier today my daughter was getting ready to go out with her friends for ice cream since her birthday was this week. I looked at her outfit and kind of cringed a little.
She was wearing a regular t-shirt, shorts, leg warmers, and Mary Janes. She asked how she looked and I replied “Honestly it’s kind of tacky I don’t think you should wear it.” Yes, it was rude but I really don’t want her going out like that.
My wife got very upset with me and demanded I apologize. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“The issue isn’t that you told her you didn’t like it, it’s that you told her what she should or shouldn’t do. I’ve worn some weird and cringy stuff over the years (my weeb phase and my emo phase overlapped, it was a lot).
My dad hasn’t always been a fan. If I’ve asked, he’s been honest with me. But he’s never told me that I shouldn’t wear something. It’s always been along the lines of “well since you asked I don’t particularly like it but hey, if you like it then go for it, as long as you’re happy.” You don’t have to like everything she does, and you don’t have to lie to her, but you know what a good parent is?
Supportive. YTJ.” kaiunkaiku
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. That’s just a jerk move. And it was for her birthday? Wow. The only tacky thing here is your behavior. Usually, when people ask something like “how do I look?” they’re not actually looking for criticism, especially when we’re considering we’re talking about someone who is fifteen asking her dad.
Were you hoping to hurt her feelings so that she’d change? It kind of sounds like you were. You could’ve told her she looked nice or cute, even if you internally didn’t like her outfit, and it probably would even be the truth from your perspective, as you probably at least believe she herself is those things, even if you don’t like her style.
You could’ve told her she should wear whatever she wants to celebrate. You could’ve told her that it isn’t your style personally, but that she should wear what makes her happy. You could’ve made a mildly self-deprecating joke about how it isn’t your style, but you don’t know much about teen fashion or something.
But no. You decided to tell her she looked tacky.
You suggested she shouldn’t wear it? Really? You don’t want her going out like that simply because you don’t like her outfit? This is so petty. You probably made your daughter feel really bad and for no good reason and when she was celebrating her birthday, no less.
Why do you even care this much about her style? She just dresses differently from your own sense of style, which is to be expected. She just wanted to feel happy and get some ice cream with her friends. Apologize to her. Tell her what you said to her was wrong, that you guess you have some insecurities or weird hang-ups about fashion, and that you shouldn’t have taken it out on her.
That you’re proud of her for having her own sense of style, and for being whatever other things you’re proud of her for (for example, being a nice person, doing well in school, being responsible, anything you feel she does well). Learn to be less petty.” LuxuryDivine
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. That sounds cute and extremely teen appropriate and you sound like a jerk that needs to grow up. Tacky? Look at your own actions. You’re not even 40 why are you acting like an old man? She’s going to hear your voice judging her for the rest of her life.
Is that what you want? Your judgmental jerk voice making her doubt herself well past your death? You want being a jerk to be the thing she remembers most often about you? Good job that’s what you just caused.” MothmanNFT
18. AITJ For Not Inviting An Exhausting Friend To My New Year's Celebration?
“I completed a one-year program at a college and graduated this May. During that year, I made a friend—let’s call them “Max.” Max is quite the character. They love spending money, often on things they can’t really afford, and are always making plans with everyone.
During school, they were a great friend—funny and entertaining—but they could also be exhausting at times. They constantly wanted to be doing something and would get upset, or even angry, if I or our other friends just wanted to relax and take it easy.
It got to the point where some of us started avoiding Max because they would often argue and create conflicts over small things. This understandably left a sour taste in my mouth, and after graduating, I felt relieved not to deal with Max daily. We did hang out a fair amount over the summer without any major issues, though there were still some bumps along the way.
Now, here’s my dilemma: I recently asked in our class group chat if anyone in my area had plans for New Year’s. Max was the only one who responded. I didn’t follow up with them and instead booked a flight to celebrate New Year’s with a good friend of mine in another city.
Max found out and got upset that I didn’t invite them. I deliberately didn’t because I find spending extended periods with Max exhausting, and I just wanted a couple of low-key days with my friend, who is on the same wavelength as me.
After some back-and-forth, Max seemed to understand and let it go. But now I’ve learned that Max has booked a flight to the same city for New Year’s and wants to join me and my friend since they’ll “be in town anyway.” Max doesn’t seem to have solid plans, and I feel like a jerk for wanting to avoid them.
However, I’m genuinely frustrated because it feels like Max isn’t respecting boundaries and is intruding on my plans.
Max isn’t a bad person and means well, but our personalities don’t mesh well, and spending more than a day or two with them can be draining.
Am I the jerk for not inviting Max and potentially trying to avoid them during New Year’s?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH Max is way out of line for booking a flight to the same city – that’s more than sheer coincidence obviously. At the same time, you need to be way more clear with them on boundaries and your intention.
When Max responded to the group chat, you ghosted them instead of being an adult and following up privately. By not addressing the issue in a respectful manner, from their perspective, it could very well feel like you’re leading them on unnecessarily. In fact, if Max were to post on this channel from their perspective, I wouldn’t be shocked if they got an outpour of sympathy and support.” duke_of_ted
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but it sounds like you hang out with Max when it’s convenient to have someone funny and entertaining around, but then drop them the moment plans are serious or special enough to be considered friendship. Obviously, inviting yourself along on someone else’s trip is cringe-worthy, but it sucks for a highly social person to find themself alone on a holiday, despite having a friend group of folks all doing fun things.
Clearly, you may be the nicest of the group, thus Max deciding to buy a ticket to crash your plans instead of focusing on anyone else, but I have no idea what I’m talking about because y’all are strangers and I’m drawing assumptions from a tiny post. I’m not saying you should devastate Max by having a brutal truth-telling where you reveal no one likes them, but dial back the availability and flow of information, as decency and social norms don’t seem to apply to Max.” SunshineShoulders87
Another User Comments:
“I had a friend like this. I know exactly what you’re going through. It doesn’t get better and he’ll never get the hint. I swear that he is neurodivergent, but he will never admit it. If you don’t want Max to be included in things, start a new group chat without him in it.
IF you’re feeling generous and wouldn’t mind him coming along to something, wait until there are other people committed and THEN invite him (with other people’s approval, of course). I swear I could have written this post myself 20 years ago. This “friend” never got the hint.
He finally moved away from our city and hasn’t been around for things for several years now. The rest of our friend group went on vacation together and posted some pictures on social media, and we were all flooded with messages from him complaining that he wasn’t invited. No one has seen or spoken to this dude in a decade, but he still expected to be invited?
It’s so strange. In our case as well, he’s not a bad guy and means well, but we have absolutely nothing in common with him and don’t understand why he even wants to hang out with us. He doesn’t even seem to like us very much when he does hang out.” Money-Possibility606
17. AITJ For Throwing My Gluten-Free Dinner In The Sink After My Stepfather Touched It?
“I 35(f) live with my mother 67(f) and her husband 78(m). I am completely disabled and my mother is my primary caregiver. I have been on SSDI/SSI my whole life. I pay rent to my mother every month, I buy my own groceries, I pay all my own bills and have separate internet, and I pay half on the electricity and water bill every month.
I am permanently wheelchair-bound and have several food restrictions.
I have a full-size refrigerator in my bedroom because I have so many food allergies and restrictions. (And my mother’s husband has a history of stealing and eating other people’s food). I have celiac disease which makes normal food very expensive, I bought myself beechers gluten-free mac and cheese.
It’s almost 20 dollars (where I live) for 1 frozen tv dinner that is certified gluten-free. I don’t normally splurge on food that expensive but it has been a very bad medical year. (I was told I have ovarian cancer from my ob-gyn in November. I had a hysterectomy in 2021 due to cervical cancer and have been in remission since.) We went to the grocery store today and I put it in my mother’s freezer and forgot about it.
This evening I was planning on eating it tonight as New Year’s day dinner. I couldn’t find it in my freezer and panicked remembering I was so tired in the morning I forgot to put it away. I came out to the kitchen and my mother told me her husband had opened it up and just sniffed it.
It was in the freezer, plastic wrap completely removed and a small corner of it was missing. Apparently, she didn’t know he did that, he’s done this before on purpose as well when he wants something. He came into the kitchen and said I might as well let him eat the expensive dinner since it’s already opened. I took it and threw it in the sink running hot water all over it so no one could eat it.
They both think I’m the jerk for wasting a TV dinner that cost almost 20 dollars instead of just letting him eat it since it’s ruined. I said I paid for it, I bought it for myself as a special treat and yes it’s my fault for leaving it in your freezer because I was exhausted this morning but that doesn’t give him the right to steal it especially since it’s clearly marked gluten-free and I’m the only one in this house with that food allergy.
But they keep saying it’s a waste of food, especially in this economy.
So am I the jerk for throwing my dinner in the sink?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I feel your frustration so, so much, and I’m actually proud of you for your act of defiance.
I am also quite severely chronically ill/disabled, have been on disability since I was 21 (I’m 50 now), and although I was lucky enough to finally gain a measure of independence and move out on my own at the ripe old age of 36 (so you know I really get it!), my disability has worsened to the point that I still need caregiver support and may have to move into assisted living in the next couple of years.
All that to say that I know exactly what it feels like to not only be so sick that you rarely if ever have a genuinely good, symptom-free day . . . but also to be a grown-up adult and feel like you have almost no control over your own life, and the fear and stress of being so dependent on others.
It’s a bad situation, even if your family are lovely and supportive . . . and with someone like your stepfather around, I can’t even imagine how infuriating it must be. Good for you. Sometimes the only way to exert control over your life in situations like this, and to remind people that you are a whole human being with agency and feelings just like them, deserving of respect and consideration, is in fact to do something absolutely, obnoxiously defiant, even if it seems irrational to them.
Because the reality is, that independent adults get to choose to do irrational things if they want. You bought that treat for yourself, and while obviously I wouldn’t counsel ongoing food waste, it is entirely up to you if you want to ruin it right in front of them just for laughs.
In fact, I want to thank you. In a very difficult time for me, you put a smile on my face today. Brava!” Sorry_I_Guess
Another User Comments:
“I’m gonna go with ESH but mostly your mother and her husband. I am against wasting food but at the same time, the husband put his grubby little fingers all over it so understandable.
And your mother needs to stop enabling his grotesque and immature behavior.” SwilightTarkle2
Another User Comments:
“OP – NTJ. I’m so sorry that you cannot even have a treat to comfort yourself during such a trying time, Is there no way you could move to an assisted living and leave your mother & stepfather?
If she’s your caregiver, she sure doesn’t treat you with any respect or frankly empathy. You seem to pay a lot there, so couldn’t you move to somewhere where you still have care, but don’t have to put up with the disrespect and boundary stomping?” Chance-Cod-2894
16. AITJ For Asking My Husband To Disinfect The Bathroom?
“Our daughter was up all night vomiting and having a bad stomach. My husband got up with her and took care of her throughout the night. I work from home. He then slept in until 1 pm and came to my office to check in. Our daughter has been sleeping as well.
My husband says he’s gonna meet up with a buddy this afternoon. I said, I hate to ask, but please disinfect the bathroom with bleach. He says, you don’t hate to ask. I said, I do, because I know you won’t want to, but it needs to be done, so the sickness or whatever doesn’t spread more.
He storms off, making me feel pretty terrible. But I’m working, well, I should be, but now here I am posting. AITJ?
My husband has a part-time job and works maybe 10 hours a week. We have two kids.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I know you’re working now (actually posting) but you had time before work to disinfect the bathroom if it was important to you.
Your husband was taking care of your daughter all night, so it’s safe to assume he’s been exposed to whatever she has. And if you haven’t had to use that bathroom yet today, you must have another one. So why does this disinfection have to be done NOW?
Your daughter is still sick and will likely “contaminate” the bathroom again. You’re asking him to do it NOW because right NOW you have the excuse that you’re “working.”” 1962Michael
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Seems like everyone is forgetting he slept until 1 pm, wants to leave the house to hang with a buddy while she is working and they still have a potentially sick child, and he barely works.
No way OP also wasn’t up during the night even if she wasn’t directly caring for the child. Her getting up early to clean the bathroom and then working all day is ridiculous. He can clean it up now and stay home in case the kid needs him while OP is providing for their family.
Those are his contributions to the family.” Better_Sun8722
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ. You realized he was up all night so you let him sleep. You had to work and made sure everyone was OK before you went to work. You asked him before he went to have fun bleaching the bathroom while you concentrate on making the money.
Parenting is teamwork but in this case, he’s taking care of the kids while you make the money to provide for them. If you didn’t work from home he would’ve had to do it when he woke up anyway. And he wouldn’t have had the chance to sleep in after being up all night.
Just because it’s from home it’s still work. You deserve to have your attention on the job. Especially if the other parent is home and all they’re about to do is hang with their friends.” Tasty-Protection4315
15. AITJ For Feeling Uncomfortable With Our Living Room Camera?
“My wife and I have a blink camera in our living room. We used to have a nanny for our son and it made sense then. Now our son is at daycare and my wife claims that she needs the camera to “check on the dogs” when she’s not home or sometimes when she’s working in the other room.
Am I wrong to feel weird about having a camera on me when I watch TV or whenever I’m in the living room alone? A few times she checked the camera and I was talking to someone on the phone, and she asked “who were you talking to?” How do I convince her to let me get rid of it and that I feel it’s an invasion of privacy?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Look, I legitimately have an Echo Show in my living room to check on my dogs, at my partners? He also has one and a blink camera to check on his dog. However, we don’t use them to spy on each other if we are in each other’s houses.
Your partner is not using them to check on the dogs. If she was? She would only use it to check on the dogs when you aren’t there – there is no reason to “check on the dogs” if you are there because you are literally looking after the dogs.
She is using it to check on you which is a major invasion of privacy.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“My mom had cameras all over the common areas of my house growing up. The reason was justifiable to a degree, my youngest brother had intense behavioral problems, but she also just reviewed them and would comment/tease about things like “oh I saw you pick a wedgie!!” It was just so invasive.
As an adult with a husband, dogs, and my own house- we have lots of outside cameras. Those being a nice sense of security. There are 3 indoor cameras, and every single one is pointed in at a pet area (snake tank, and two kennels) because while I like to see what goes on in those places with the animals, I just cannot stand the idea of being watched myself.” theambears
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I think your wife has a valid point if the dog is elderly or had health issues or if your wife has some trauma related to home safety. We had an addition put on our house with tile flooring and several area rugs.
It was a huge room so we decided that was a good room to lock the dogs in during the day. That way if one of them (older) had an accident the tile was easy to clean. It’s a long story but one of our dogs ended up having a medical emergency and the camera notified us due to excessive noise (our other dog was screaming for help on her behalf) and my husband made it home in time to save her life.
Now I’m not sure how I could live without that camera. Frankly, it was a bit of trauma for us to see her dying on camera and it’s luck my husband was in the area. If your wife experienced anything like this with her home or family I deeply sympathize with it.
Occasionally when power goes out in my neighborhood due to weather or something I am deeply anxious about my lack of camera access. That being said it’s not our living room. It’s a den we use as a spare bedroom and/or party room if we host a holiday.
At best it captures the back doors comings and goings, or me in mummy undergarments letting the dog out in the morning. You have every right to feel weird about your living room being on camera. Can’t we just point it directly at the dog’s bed/kennel??” Suspicious_Juice717
14. AITJ For Wanting To Go On A Trip With My Partner Despite My Parents' Disapproval?
“I (31M) am living in Cali and have a long-term partner who is Mexican. My Indian parents don’t approve of her.
We have been together for almost 6 years. In the last 3 years, I have shared with my parents but they want me to break up. They have always been nice while I was growing up and are caring and loving. But in this matter, there has been a lot of friction.
After the first time I mentioned there were a lot of arguments and crying. My dad has been crying and I feel really guilty. But I have stuck with my partner over the last few years even though I have not always been transparent that I am spending time with her regularly.
My parents are in India. They know I see her but they don’t realize the seriousness always or are in denial a lot of times hoping I would change.
So I shared over the phone that I am going to Yosemite with my partner. My mom was shocked and turned this into a huge deal. My dad also had a long conversation about how this relationship is not right.
I know it’s difficult for them but I have been bad in being transparent and assertive about my relationship.
So now my mom is requesting I not go on this trip and saying she never gave an ultimatum but now she is asking me to swear on her life that I won’t go on the trip.
She says my dad will come to the USA and meet my partner if I don’t go. She said this in the heat of the moment to convince me. I didn’t say yes or no. I am so confused. I am trying to be assertive and I want to say that I will be going on the trip.
Will I be a jerk if I say I want to go on this trip despite her redline? I feel like I am making things worse but also feel like I have to put my foot down now. If I don’t do it now, I don’t know how I will marry my partner.
Any advice is helpful! Anyone experienced with Indian parents?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I have Indian parents. In my experience, they won’t be happy unless you marry another Indian with the right bio-data. My husband and I have been happily together for almost 30 years now, despite him being the “wrong” race, religion, and even left-handed (gasp!).
I’m really glad I followed my heart. My relationship with my family has never been the same. You gotta decide for yourself and own that you will absolutely disappoint them and your extended family if you go on the trip and ultimately marry your partner… It’s been years, make a decision either way, this limbo isn’t fair to you or your partner!
Good luck!” Background_Classic72
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for not being a lot tougher, faster. Your next conversation with your mother needs to be something like…”Mum, I know you are struggling with my relationship, but this needs to stop. I love my partner, we have built a life together and I will marry her in the future.
If you can’t find a way to work through your feelings on this, it will impact our relationship as I am not going to break up with her. If Dad wants to come and meet her, he’s more than welcome, but I expect him to be courteous and respectful.
The ball is in your court now on how we move forward, but just so there is no confusion, I will not be ending my relationship. I will give you some time to think, and you can call when you’re ready to have a sensible conversation.” Then take a big step back and don’t cave by making the first move.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“I can only respond from your partner’s perspective and everyone is different so take this as you will. I get that there are cultural differences here and it’s complex, when I was with my desi ex (I’m white) I made way too many allowances for that and I feel pretty awful about it to this day (we’ve been broken up now for almost a year for unrelated reasons).
If you want to be with your partner it is past time to put your foot down. Do not tolerate the horrid things your parents are saying about her, do not allow them to interfere or make you hide your relationship. I hate that I allowed someone I loved to make me feel like he was ashamed of me because he didn’t stand up to his parents when they said our relationship was shameful and disgusting.
The only appeasement they will take is 100% their way. Are you willing to marry a bride of their choosing? If not, they’re never going to be happy and you need to be OK with that. YTJ if you don’t make a choice here. I suggest finding a therapist from your own background to help you navigate the feelings of guilt you’ll no doubt be grappling with.” MorningLanky3192
13. AITJ For Staying Friends With My Sister's Ex After She Two-Timed Him?
“I (18M) have an older sister (28F). We only recently started to become close (past 4 years or so). Around two(?) years ago, she met this guy (23M). He made a great impression on me when we met the first two times. I thought they were a great match!
They made each other happy, and I got to see my sister more than I had in a long time, which made me happy too.
I’d invited them to Dungeons & Dragons at my place because they both seemed interested. They both agreed. Due to the ten-year age gap between my sister and me, I was happy that we could finally find a hobby to mutually enjoy.
However, 6 months ago I noticed that things were off. They would come over looking stressed and dejected, and sometimes it would seem like my sister would text her partner and he would deflate. I didn’t want to bring it up because, again, not really my business.
But it began to get to a point where everyone at the table could see the conflict (which wasn’t hidden very well, but I thought I may just be over-analyzing things).
So at some point, I go over to their apartment. My sister wasn’t there, but her partner and I had hung out together plenty before so I wasn’t bothered. After we chilled for an hour or two, I finally asked him what was going on.
I told him he didn’t have to tell me anything, that it wasn’t my problem and if he was uncomfortable then I’d leave it be and forget it. But to my surprise, he was very open. He told me that my sister had been unfaithful to him (emotionally and physically) with more than 3 other men, then tried to blame it on her mental health or suddenly being polyamorous.
He expressed to me how I should ask her for her side as well. I told him I’d like proof to confirm the accusations. There was more than enough. The rest of the hangout went by without any issues. The ex-partner still comes to D&D, and we have a great time!
We talk often and have a normal friendship.
I’d never asked for my sister’s side because she was very unstable at the time, and I was scared that she would blow up on me. We had a conversation where I told her I didn’t want to fight or argue with her, and that I still loved her unconditionally.
I told her that while, yes, my perspective had changed, that didn’t lessen my love for her. She explained to me that she felt like their intimacy had gotten stale (which was none of my business to begin with, and I did not press her for information about that).
And said that she was “intimidated” to speak with him about it because nothing changed when she did. I could understand both points because he worked long shifts nearly every day.
She told me that she felt like I was “enjoying” her ex-partner more than her.
I told her that I would not lie to her and that I would continue hanging out with said ex. She then told me that she would be distancing herself from me while he was still in my life.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Doesn’t sound like you “didn’t choose your sister”.
That implies you cut her out, but from the sound of it, she’s the one cutting you out. She’s the one who was unfaithful. You’ve seen the evidence. I’d say her ex was more entitled to support than she is, regardless. If he finds this support through the D&D group, then it’s nice of you to let him carry on coming around.
If he works long hours, he probably looks forward to this interaction. Your sister can get her interaction in the various men she’s seeing. Sounds like a tame FAFO to me.” TrickSea_239
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. If you want to be friends with him you can, but you also have to accept that it’s completely fair for your sister to distance herself from you as a result.
Most people do not want to remain that close to their exes, and if you are remaining friends with him and involving him in D&D it makes sense that she would want to take a step back and no longer be a part of those things.
I’m kind of curious why you haven’t asked for her side, or at the very least tried to talk to her about the underlying issues. It kind of seems like you know she’s struggling mentally. Do you know if she has sought help?
Is she in therapy?” YearOneTeach
Another User Comments:
“You have a right to be friends with whoever you want – there are always consequences to that, and the consequence is that your sister feels the need to go lower contact with you. Think I’m going to say no jerks here at this point (no additional info from OP in responses yet) – as it sounds like you have all behaved quite respectfully in this situation and not enough information to judge whether sister just needs to recover from a relationship ending, or whether “something bad” happened. Her saying that she felt “intimidated” by him is a bit of a yellow flag to be honest, although there are always two sides to every story.” TeenySod
12. AITJ For Being Upset About Being Treated Like A Thief At The Grocery Store?
“My nearby grocery store has taken to asking every shopper to show their receipts before being allowed to leave.
My take is that the shoplifting is partly their own fault because they got rid of most of their cashiers and made everyone scan and bag their own groceries.
I had an incident a month ago, where the scanner malfunctioned. The cashier came over, looked at my bag, and accused me of stealing an item. She hadn’t bothered to look at the display to see if I had scanned it. I had, and pointed to it on the display.
“I wasn’t done reading it,” she protested.
“Then why accuse me of stealing first before you checked the display?” I countered.
My solution, I thought, was to go through one of the few cashier stations so there would be no question that all my items had been scanned.
Not good enough. The security guard asked for my receipt as I was leaving. I had 3 very full bags and was not going to stand there while he checked every single item. I told him the next time I would dump out my grocery bags so he could check every item.
I’m tired of being treated like a thief, and I know he’s just doing his job, but when the job is to treat every customer like a thief I get pretty annoyed.
On top of this, I’m a senior and newly recovered from cancer, so my limit for nonsense is pretty much zero these days.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I would focus your energy on calling/complaining to management/corporate instead of the people on the floor, since in my experience they think these rules are as dumb as you do but have to enforce them or risk losing their job.
This stuff is crazy annoying and no one likes it, since it often reduces jobs too, just make sure if you feel like saying something it’s to someone who could make a change.” Still_Assistance_412
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Very few grocery stores that I’ve been to check your receipt like the Stasi.
The reason why they don’t: it inconveniences and annoys customers. And annoying customers is a great way to lose business. Especially that cashier that accused you of stealing, what? If they are really that concerned about shoplifting, they should put detectors at the door, not burden customers by making them feel like they’re in the Inquisition.
Costco checks receipts at the door, but that’s a bit different since you’re typically leaving with a cart and it’s not as much of an inconvenience. They also don’t make you feel like the bad guy as well, a key lesson from Customer Service 101. I’d just stop going to that particular grocery store.” LoudCrickets72
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They can ASK for your receipt and your answer can be no. If they choose to follow you out and ask you for your receipt, open your phone and begin recording… then ask for a manager and ask them if they have a legitimate reason to suspect you of shoplifting.
You’re a customer and you’ve gone through a register and paid: if that’s not good enough please contact the police to send over a police car and you’ll wait for your last purchase at this store to be documented. Point your phone at the manager when he/she approaches and ask for his / her name and the street address of the store: if he/she refuses to give these ask for his/her name which should be on a name tag- then ask to confirm the address on your receipt.” Justmegivingmy2cents
11. AITJ For Refusing To Take Off My Apple Watch Because My Cousins Don't Have One?
“I’m in California on summer vacation & agreed to go hike the Hollywood sign with my aunt and cousins.
We get into the car and my aunt notices my Apple Watch and asks “is it new?” I laugh and that’s the end of it.
Anyway, we get to the base of the hike and park the car & my aunt pulls me aside and asks me to take my Apple Watch off “because it’s not fair since my cousins don’t have them.” I tell her “No” and we go on the hike, no issues.
I got back to my hotel & my aunt sent a long text to my dad about how it was disrespectful and bragging/showing off to my cousins since I refused to take my watch off. Was I in the wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Maybe your aunt has some insecurities about not being able to give her kids Apple Watches, but this is the real world, and they are going to see other people with things they can’t afford. What is she going to do, insist you never wear or use anything around them that they don’t have themselves?” FreeTheWelder
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s your watch, it’s not your fault to have something your cousins don’t have. If you bought it yourself, they can do the same. If it’s a gift from your parents, it’s not your fault or your parents’ fault she cannot afford the same items for your cousins.” Aqua_Nox669
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell her that if she feels really that bad about your watch, then she can buy them for her cousins after the hike. Or she can teach her cousins that life isn’t always fair and we can’t always have the same things as other people.
I grew up in a working-class family and my dad was the only breadwinner. He didn’t make a lot of money but we managed. All of my cousins on the other hand grew up in more well-off families. They got to go on many vacations abroad while I got staycations year after year.
They had their post-secondary education paid for while I had to work and pay for it myself. It sucked, eventually I understood why it was like this.” cravingnoodles
10. AITJ For Refusing To Give Up My Parade Spot To A Latecomer With A Child?
“The town I live in put on a Christmas parade this past weekend. It was advertised everywhere and I mean EVERYWHERE with a start time of 6 pm. I like to be early to things, especially living in a pretty big city.
I figured good seats would go quickly and ended up arriving at about 4:45 pm to see that I was right. Still, my party of 3 people (including a child) managed to find front-row availability. We stood there and waited for the parade to start. As it got closer to 6, more and more people showed up and started to crowd around everyone who had front row – even going so far as to push us as if that would get them closer to the parade route.
Right as the parade was starting this lady with a stroller started pushing her way through and eventually, literally bumped into me. When I turned to look at her she said, “Excuse me, we are trying to get through to see the parade,” she pointed down to her child who was maybe a year old in the stroller.
I politely pointed out that we were all here to see the parade and that there was no room up here as we were all literally shoulder to shoulder from being crowded. She said she was with a child and that I being an adult should step back so that she could let her child see.
I refused again politely (even apologized for refusing) but my party and I had been in the spot for over an hour so that we could ensure we had a good view. In response, she kept pushing the stroller into my leg repeatedly while huffing really loud and telling the child rather loudly that she was sorry there were so many rude and careless adults in the world.
I hate that I’m still thinking about this – but am I the jerk here for not moving from the spot we found by being early?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t care if it’s a stroller or you’re in a wheelchair, if I am there 1 or 2 hours before the start to get a good spot, so can you.
And if not you’ll have to live with what’s leftover. Playing the child or victim card makes you a selfish jerk. And I mention the wheelchair because that’s exactly what happened to us at an event. Waited for over an hour, then 5 minutes before the start a young woman in a wheelchair (and of course her 5 friends who were not in a wheelchair) tried to get our spot because “boo hoo I am in a wheelchair”.
I don’t care. You can arrive early like anyone else if you want a good spot. She too kept bumping into our legs, lol. I started “accidentally” swishing around my bag to get her to back off me, since it was nicely at her head height. Obviously this doesn’t work for plans since the poor child is innocent.
Sadly it often ruins the event either way.” Crazyandiloveit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The entitlement is so real and so infuriating. She’s now teaching her kid, get anywhere late, it’s ok, we’ll shove others away. We’ve been doing the parade thing where I live for years… have twins… all grown now, however, never in a million years would we have been this rude.
This year at the Halloween parade, we set up our chairs… early. Perfect spot. An entire family arrived with about 6 kids, two sat ON my feet! I politely told them to get up. The mother, just gasped at me… how dare you tell my kids to get up.
I asked her if she thought them sitting ON my feet was ok? She just looked at me. No apology.” Traditional-Bag-4508
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Absolutely not. When that happens both my husband and I will stand at the front, our children in the middle, so people don’t push them out of the way.
If adults try to push their kids into me, I growl at the kids, and they push back at their parents. Then for those parents who loudly announce that those people will let you stand in front of them at their kids, get told I’m not kid-friendly and don’t try it.
If you give up your time to arrive early, then no one has the right to come along later and try to force you to move. They have the same options to do the same but choose not to, so you get what you plan for.” Longjumping_Win4291
9. AITJ For Being Rude To An Airport Worker Trying To Help My Dad?
“I was dropping off my dad and little brother at the airport and helping them with check-in when we faced a problem.
My dad’s ticket was wrong since the place we booked it had misspelled his name so we lined up in line to the customer service.
Then out of nowhere this lady comes up and asks what we were waiting for. I replied my dad’s boarding pass isn’t printing so I’m waiting in line.
She then asked for the passport and said she’d do it. I replied I’ve tried everything it’s not gonna work. She then heads to the self-service machine and does exactly what I did and to no surprise, it doesn’t work.
So I said I told you so.
She then turns to look at me and says you’re being rude. I looked surprised. I said what do you mean I literally told you that I tried everything and it didn’t work. She then proceeded to say you know I can call the police.
I looked at her in disbelief. She then proceeded to say she’ll check in my dad and I can leave. I stood my ground and waited with my dad. Guess what she does, she goes in the same line same place, and ends up going to the other worker to fix the boarding pass.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. A worker was trying to help your dad out, and you stupidly antagonized them. “I’ve tried everything,” is a very ambiguous statement. It’s not like she’s an omnipotent mind reader who was looking over your shoulder while you were trying “everything.” She’s obligated to go through the motions to verify what is and isn’t working.
You didn’t have to act like a jerk while she was troubleshooting your dad’s issue. Instead of “I tried everything,” all you had to say was, “The name on the ticket is misspelled.” You would have saved everyone lots of time and grief. Just be glad that she didn’t call the police on you.
Being trespassed at an airport is no joke.” SomeoneYouDontKnow70
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Customer service reps are required by their bosses to start with their basics (“is your device turned on?”) because you might be surprised how often the problem is the basic thing. Your job is to be patient while they go through that first check.
We don’t have her side of what you actually said and whether it was more intense than what you’re reporting here, but even with what you describe, it’s clear you were being unnecessarily rude to someone with a difficult job where she’s exposed to a lot of anger about things that aren’t her fault.
We all get carried away though. I was an absolute jerk to a pharmacist last week and didn’t notice until my wife pointed it out afterward. It’s hard to take criticism, but try and take the lesson for the next time you encounter a frustrating situation.
Customer service reps have extremely difficult jobs, especially when their employers make mistakes or have bad policies.” Just_a_lil_dwagon
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I did tech support for 10 years. I will NEVER believe a user who tells me they “tried everything”. 1 time in 1000 it might actually be true.
But, I’m going to go with the other 999 times. I will never forget the 5:30 am emergency phone call from my office about a printing problem that had to be solved immediately so a sales guy could make his flight. I threw on clothes and got to the office by 6 am.
The problem? The printer wasn’t actually plugged into his computer. And this was in the days of having to plug them in – no network capabilities for them. I plugged it in. The sales guy then printed his emergency important things…. Pictures of the front of the hotels he was staying at on his sales trip.
Apparently, the GPS he had wasn’t good enough. He had to have a printed color picture of the front of the hotel…. I may have decided to NOT clock out when I went home to sleep for a few more hours.” Kessed
8. AITJ For Going On Strike From Housework Because My Sisters Won't Help?
“I (29f) still live with my family. I am saving for a new car and apartment to rent so I’m staying with my family including my older (32) and younger (21) sisters.
I work part-time in a club and have inconsistent shifts, sometimes I’m opening or closing or doing a mid-shift or events, but both my sisters are not working. One has social anxiety and it’s hard for her to work retail and the other is still looking, so they are at home all the time.
Lately, I have been doing most of the housework and they don’t do anything. Both my parents still work and they know I am doing mostly everything. So, when my sisters ask/call me from work, “what is for dinner?” I am getting sick and tired of it.
I told them I don’t want to do anything after work because during Christmas time, I have longer shifts and more and I get tired. One night when I come home around 10ish (after a tech company Christmas party) they told me they will make a roast for the family before I left but when I got home it was nothing.
They ate all of the leftovers.
I went to bed hungry.
I told my parents about this and they agreed with me. I told my sisters I am going on strike and will not be doing anything. My little sister complained I too ‘don’t do anything’ but she stayed in her room all day.
I sometimes don’t see her all day because she is in her room, including my older sister, both of them on their laptops watching videos.
So whenever they ask me ‘what’s for dinner?’ I will give them our family easy dinner, canned tuna with cooked rice and salad, or pizza.
Both my sisters hate tuna but will eat it if there is nothing else. Soon they are complaining about me now.
Am I the jerk????”
Another User Comments:
“Honestly, sounds like your parents failed all three of you spectacularly. ALL of you are extremely lazy with no desire to work or better yourselves.
You work a PART-TIME job. At 29 years old. GROW UP!!! You have not even saved enough for a car, which tells me this is a pretty new job. It sounds like none of you even bothered to further your education either. You and the 32-year-old need to get full-time jobs and move the heck out.
You are long past adults. You should be embarrassed to be 29 and working a part-time job with NOTHING to show for the past 11 years of your adult life. You are EXACTLY the same as your sisters. ALL of you should be doing ALL of the house cleaning, yard work, and cooking.
Your parents should not have to come home from their FULL-time jobs and have to take care of 3 adult babies. ” Limp-Paint-7244
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Your parents for enabling three grown women to be completely dependent on them. Your sisters for doing nothing and expecting everything for free.
And you, for thinking a part-time job entitles you to leave things for your working parents to handle. All of you need to grow up and you three women need to launch yourselves into adulthood. How is it that none of you see how dysfunctional this is?
So your sister has anxiety? Guess what? Plenty of jobs that don’t require you to interact with the public. Get a job on the computer. Sheesh. Where do you see all of yourselves when you’re 40? 50? You’re 29 and only work part-time? What do you do with the rest of your time?” National_Pension_110
Another User Comments:
“I have a friend who’s 31 and lives at home (although she has moved out a few times and came back). HOWEVER. She helps keep the house clean, gets groceries, works full time, has her own car, they have 3 pets and she helps take care of all of them, including vet bills, etc. She has mental health issues, but still puts the time and effort into helping her parents manage the house.
She has friends she actively spends time with. ESH in my opinion about this post. These days, working part-time isn’t gonna get you anywhere. Not working at all (unless you do live with issues that prevent you from being able to work, I also have a friend who can’t work or drive because of this and is working on getting on disability) isn’t an option.
Your parents are enablers, your sisters are lazy, and you need to stop complaining and do something to help yourself.” Frankensteins_Robot
7. AITJ For Calling Out An Older Man For Cutting In Line At Jersey Mike's?
“Earlier today I was at a Jersey Mike’s, a male customer in his late 50s was taking his sweet time at the cashier holding up the entire line, which I was 4th in.
A few minutes later as I was about to pay, he just cuts in front and says he wants to pay for a fountain drink. I’m already semi-fuming from him already delaying everyone 5 minutes earlier and tell him what the heck are you doing.
For the next 5 minutes until our subs are ready, we are just yapping at each other.
He continues to be a jerk, not apologizing and I continue to call him out. He says things like be respectful, I tell him a 5-year-old understands what a line is, I’m not sorry for calling you out, and if you don’t want to get called out, don’t cut the line it’s simple.
Eventually, the store manager comes and tries to defuse it, maybe he succeeds a bit, but neither of us back down.
Eventually, the other guy leaves, then the manager gives me a 2$ off coupon (I’m rich!).
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH, but you the most. Even though they don’t have a separate line just for buying drinks, it doesn’t make sense for someone who isn’t placing an order for a sandwich to have to wait for everyone in front of them to get their sandwiches made first. It’s a really quick transaction, and besides that, he’d already spent time in the line.
What was he taking his sweet time doing? Counting hundreds of pennies to pay with? Chatting with the cashier? Because that’s an employee problem. They should be able to politely steer people through the payment process without holding everyone else hostage. If they really let the two of you argue for five minutes (seriously???) then they’re not great at the customer service portion of their job.
(If this had happened in the USA though, I’d say they were probably just trying to avoid getting shot.) Honestly though, how is that worth making a fuss over! “HE continues to be a jerk”? Self-awareness is not your strong suit, is it.” EmilyAnne1170
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and my own experience is that these older senior citizens seem to think that respect equals allowing them to do whatever they want. Kudos to you for standing your ground and calling them out on his misbehavior. He sounds like the typical entitled senior.
If he wants respect, he needs to behave in a manner that deserves respect.” Hope-maaven2378
Another User Comments:
“I get your frustration, but telling him to get to the back of a line where people have to place their sandwich order and wait for it to be made to do a 90-second transaction is not really reasonable.
He could have handled it more diplomatically, but it sounds like you could have too.” AdAccomplished6870
6. AITJ For Questioning My Elderly Dad's Swift Engagement To His Partner?
“I (34F) recently found out my dad (73M) proposed to his partner (50F) of two months, and she accepted. While I want him to be happy, I’m concerned about how quickly this is happening. They’ve only been seeing each other once a week for a few hours (dinner/errands), and when I ask basic questions about her, he often doesn’t know the answers—understandable given how little time they’ve spent together.
He does seem happier than he has been, though.
Unfortunately, this time frame isn’t my only concern. Over the past 6 months, I’ve noticed troubling changes in my dad’s cognitive abilities, and we’re working on getting him evaluated. He’s also been financially vulnerable—accruing debt and trying to transfer large sums to a “romantic interest” he’d never met.
Bank tellers stopped him both times. I’ve stepped in to untangle his finances, helping him reduce his debt by 50%. I also lent him $20K years ago after his ex-wife drained his savings, which I’m deferring repayment on until he is in better financial health.
He has a healthy government pension that transfers to a spouse upon death, making him vulnerable to being a target. To be clear, I have no financial stake in this. His pension doesn’t benefit me, and there are no real assets to inherit. I’m financially secure on my own.
My concerns are entirely about his well-being.
About her—she’s unemployed, says she can’t work locally due to burning bridges at her last bartending job (where they met), and is caring for her chronically ill mother. She’s only able to see my dad a few hours a week and says she’s up most nights caregiving.
My dad hasn’t been to her house or met her mom, and they’ve never had a sleepover.
When I expressed my concerns and suggested they take more time to get to know each other, things escalated. She texted me, accusing me of being angry (I wasn’t) and implying I want to control him.
She called me immature, said I lack life experience, and made veiled threats that my concerns might make them rush to marry even faster. My dad now seems more suspicious of my involvement in his finances, though he still relies on me to manage his accounts since he now struggles with technology.
If they’ve worked out some arrangement where she keeps him company and he pays her bills, I might be able to accept it because there is a clear trade-off. However, they keep insisting it’s purely because they’re in love and that I “wouldn’t understand” because I’m younger.
Her exact words were: “It’s not your place to tell me or any woman, especially one 20 years older, how and when they should do things.”
My dad has asked me not to respond further to avoid upsetting her. I feel stuck—wanting to respect his wishes but feeling like my intentions are being mischaracterized. I hate the idea that she’s driving a wedge between us or making him question my role.
So, AITJ for questioning my dad’s fiancée’s intentions and asking them to slow down their wedding plans despite them both saying they’re in love?”
Another User Comments:
“So you basically cannot stop this … BUT you CAN make sure your dad has a will, a trust, an ironclad prenup, etc. Maybe hire a lawyer to have a sit-down with them both and make it ABUNDANTLY clear that your dad isn’t the money-bags she might think he is.
BE CLEAR about the cognitive decline and your concerns about him nearly being scammed twice already. If you are financially able, pay the lawyer to update the will, establish a trust, and write a prenup. You might feel like your dad has too few assets to protect, but it would also protect him from taking on her debts (current and future), etc.” AlbanyBarbiedoll
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Interesting that he has never met her mother or been to her house. I am willing to bet that’s because there is no sick mother. I agree with the above posters that he needs to be evaluated NOW. What’s to stop her from getting him to elope?
I think you also need to get financial & medical POAs like yesterday. She’s definitely a scammer. If you have the resources, it wouldn’t hurt to hire a private investigator to check her out. Do they plan to live together? Where? What happens to “sick mother” if she plans to move in with him?
Maybe pretend to accept it & offer to plan a nice wedding to buy yourself a few months.” Individual-Paint7897
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like she’s playing him to get her hands on his pension, and anything else she can grab. I bet there’s a reason he’s never met her mother…is the woman even really in the picture, or is ‘taking care of mom’ just another of her excuses for not being able to work?
Also, how can you burn bridges over a bartending job? There are a lot of other jobs for people without very many marketable skills. (I’m not out to disparage bartending, I’m just saying that there are tons of jobs for people with no special skills) She sounds like she just doesn’t want to work.
Honestly, for your father’s sake, I’d hire a private investigator to do a background check on that woman, because she sounds like a golddigger. You should also have him evaluated to see if you need to protect him by getting his power of attorney.” thefullnine4rain
5. AITJ For Avoiding My Friend Who Constantly Asks About My Struggles With Conception?
“My wife (35F) and I (33F) are trying for a baby.
It’s taken us ages to find a donor, and we have done three IUI cycles, but none of them have worked. It’s been long, stressful, and expensive, and I am not enjoying this process at all.
My friend Zac (37M) is, unfortunately, making it worse.
He never had children on his radar, until talking about it with a newish partner and getting pregnant naturally on the first go. Their child is now 18 months old. I think most of the people he is friends with have children who are older so he is looking for parents with kids of similar ages.
This has meant that he has been constantly asking us about our journey. I know it’s because he’s excited, but I’ve started avoiding him as it’s so relentless. We’ll catch up, and sometimes before he asks me how I am, he’ll ask about the babymaking.
When we finally got a donor, I told him I was keen to stop talking about it, and we’d let him know when we had news.
This hasn’t worked. Several times, I’ve mentioned things that could be ambiguous, which he has jumped on.
I talked about being excited for next year (I’m starting a PhD). He immediately said ‘yeah, how is all the fertility stuff going?!’ I wasn’t even talking about baby stuff, but he made it about baby stuff, yet again.
As a result, I’ve pulled back from seeing him as often.
I have reminded him I don’t want to talk, but only once. He keeps trying to invite himself over, but these last three months with three IUI fails (one being a likely early miscarriage), I haven’t felt too great.
Today, he mentioned a lunch in town.
I told him I was in back-to-back meetings on the day he suggested it and then asked how he was doing. His response was ‘Yeah, doing alright, just haven’t seen you in ages! How’s the baby-making going?’
Guys, I was so upset. I said this ‘Still not pregnant, finding it pretty stressful.
I’d rather we didn’t talk about it.’ I then sent a follow-up message to say ‘I feel unlistened to about this. We’ve talked about how I don’t want to talk about baby stuff before.’
He has not responded, and I wanted to check, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And I’m so upset for you. Goodness, how insensitive is this guy that he doesn’t catch a clue? Maybe sending him that message will get through his thick head. I think you have every right to let him know that you’re angry and that his asking is hurtful.
Try: “Every time you ask it reminds me of every failed IVF, the miscarriages, and the pain my wife and I are going through trying to conceive. How many times do I have to say ‘Don’t ask!’? Because it’s starting to come off as deliberate, hurtful, and insensitive on your part.”” Lizdance40
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I had fertility issues for years which ended my marriage. My best friend for over 20 years got pregnant on her first try. I was happy for her and sad for myself. We talked about it and agreed there is no way for her to know where I am mentally with my journey, and I would ask for updates or pictures on good days.
She was really good and could respect where I was mentally. Her daughter is 4, and while I never was able to get pregnant, I am in a better spot mentally so we don’t have those boundaries anymore. It’s hard for people to understand how tough fertility issues are.
It’s hard to get family and friends to stop asking how it’s going. They are trying to be supportive in their own way. They really don’t understand that it’s more painful than it seems. I hope he hears you, and maybe you can schedule something together with no baby talk?
I also wish you luck in your journey!” Alarmed-Ad-2003
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As someone who was in the TTC journey (took us 5, almost 6 years) setting boundaries is what’s needed to be done to be mentally/emotionally sound when TTC. Being stressed out and hearing other people pester you about isn’t great on both of you.
I was mentally/emotionally sound and never had any problems in attending baby showers, first birthdays and people asking me where we were in our journey of parenthood. I had a friend who was in the same boat as me TTC, and went little to no contact or turned down invites when it came to those types of events, stating it wasn’t something she was emotionally and mentally capable of attending since it caused her stress.
Everyone has a breaking point and it’s fine to set boundaries.” Direct-Geologist-407
4. AITJ For Not Letting My Partner Be Part Of The House Mortgage?
“I’m looking for some advice on my housing finances. I (25 female) have a partner (25 male) who is currently still in school and doesn’t have a job. We have been together for 10 years, no we are not engaged, but we both live at our parents’ house and have never lived together.
I recently bought a house with the help of my parents who co-signed but I’m taking on 100% of the mortgage payments. I decided to move in by myself for a while and let things settle down for a bit. My partner doesn’t seem to want to move in for a while as he still has to pay for school (fair enough).
The house is in pretty rough shape and I’ve spent over 50k on renovations alone.
My partner’s family (almost my in-laws I suppose) however seem furious at the idea of their son not being part of the house mortgage. They believe that is it absolutely crucial for his name to be on the mortgage and pay for the house.
I’ve been told that they don’t want their “child” to be screwed over in the event that we break up in the future and he’s left with nothing.
From my perspective, I’m confused about why they would assume that half the house would be his if he didn’t pay for it while I’ve spent thousands of dollars on this investment.
I’m a bit concerned about what the rules of common law are once we do move in together and wondering if his family is trying to screw me over.
So AITJ for not letting my partner be a part of the house mortgage?
If anyone has been through a similar experience, I would love to hear your thoughts.
Thanks in advance!”
Another User Comments:
“After you let him in the house, the parents come right after and they try to kick you out. This nightmare scenario has happened more than once. Remember if his parents talk like this, your partner THINKS like this.
You did the right thing by keeping him off the mortgage. Continue doing the right thing and make sure he doesn’t move in. His parents pulled a dumb move revealing their hand too early. He is 25 and does not have a job, while you have the ability to buy a house and put 50k into it?
You two are clearly not on the same page when it comes to finances. Ask yourself if you want to support him for the rest of your life–because that seems quite likely to me.” Any-Mode-9709
Another User Comments:
“You’ll have to look up whether your state has common law; not that many have it; however, a crucial component in most states is that you hold yourself out as married, meaning talk about each other as spouse.
1. See if your state has common law, if yes; 2. Read the fine print, what does it take to become common law spouses. 3. Putting him on the mortgage obligates him financially and would give him equity; putting him on the deed gifts him half of the equity.
4. Think long and hard about this relationship before inviting him to move in with you 5. If you continue this relationship and he moves in with you, have him pay you rent; if he hasn’t paid into the house, splitting would leave him at status quo, that is, without equity in a house he neither paid part of the down-payment for, nor the mortgage.
It simply isn’t his house. Keep it as a separate property. Have him sign a lease for what a room in a similar house in your area would cost, that can be structured inclusive of utilities or pay his share of utilities in addition to rent.
6. Think long and hard about his and his family’s entitlement to your property. 7. If you marry him you get a prenup.” Clean_Factor9673
Another User Comments:
“You could meet with them, “I am SO glad we are on the same page. So I talked with your son… and you are wanting to put the house in your name and….
are you going to pay cash for it or are you wanting to put your name on the mortgage.” Or you could discuss it with them and say there is no marriage proposal, so you do not understand their concern. If it were just him wanting it, you could say that he could talk to your parents about it.
That might kill the topic. I am wondering what ‘partner’ means here? This man hasn’t even proposed marriage to you, has he? None of this makes sense to me. I do not see why they are upset.” DrPablisimo
3. AITJ For Accusing My Cousin Of Buying Her Psychology Degree After She Mocked My Dyslexia?
“I am 18 years old, non-binary (closeted) and I live with my parents, my father who is 68 and my mother who is 60. We are closer to my father’s family because they live closer to us than my mother’s relatives.
My father has a brother, 72m, married to my aunt, 70f.
They have a daughter, my cousin, 40. I can’t stand my cousin because she thinks she is better than everyone else and has a degree in psychology.
One day, we were at my aunt’s house for my niece’s birthday, 6f (my stepbrother’s daughter, 48m).
At some point, my cousin and I started talking and she said that she can’t stand that all these people are diagnosed with dyslexia because, in her opinion, it’s just an excuse for stupid people who don’t try hard enough and that she knows this because she has a degree in psychology.
I looked at her and told her that I am severely dyslexic, dysgraphic, and dyscalculic and that I have a really hard time reading and writing. She laughed and told me that I was just stupid.
I decided to ignore her comments and went to entertain my niece.
When it was time for presents, my cousin gave my niece a book and told her to ask me to read it out loud.
Of course, my niece did. I panicked because I have a hard time reading, let alone reading out loud. Luckily, my mother noticed and told my niece that she would read it to her because she loves to read.
After my niece moved in with my mother, I confronted my cousin and asked, “What’s your problem?” She told me that I just needed to practice and stop pretending. At that point, I got angry and told her that it wasn’t my fault that she had bought her degree and therefore didn’t really know what dyslexia was.
After this exchange, both she and I went out so as not to ruin the party, but she started insulting me for all my choices, from my appearance to my tattoos and even said that I wasn’t feminine enough. I remained calm, since I’m used to her insults by now, and went back inside to play Lego with my niece.
However, today I received a text from my aunt accusing me of being a jerk for insinuating that my cousin’s degree was fake. Even though my parents told me I did the right thing, now I’m not sure if I did it right. So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – as the holder of a psychology degree I can confirm that we were taught in detail about various learning disabilities and neurological differences such as dyslexia, dysgraphia, dyscalculia, etc. I wonder if she’s ever heard of the Dunning-Kruger effect, which is also a noted psychological theory that states that people who know a small amount about a topic tend to grossly overestimate their actual knowledge, which actual experts believe they always have more to learn.” Hypno_psych
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and I’d like to high-five you for giving a sick burn and retaining your cool. She sounds terrible. FWIW, Psych Degrees are notorious for giving a false sense of “understanding how people think”. I’ve never known someone who took one who didn’t come out of it with a “more knowledgeable than thou” attitude.
Sounds to me like she’s using whatever her degree said (which undoubtedly was not denying concepts like Dyslexia in the early 2000s) to validate her own negative worldview and then leveraging the “authority” her degree lends her to wield that worldview as a weapon. You’re absolutely right to call her out on it, and I’m glad your parents have your back on this.” Ruadhan2300
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your cousin has a psychology degree, doesn’t understand what dyslexia is, and went out of her way to harass you? Nah, that degree has to be fake. Also, maybe try and record any interaction with her next time, if you can stomach being around her again.
Get as much evidence as you can against her, so if in the event they go nuclear and try to sue you, you have evidence to back you up. I know this is taking it to a logical extreme, and I hope it doesn’t happen, but entitled people are known to go this route.
The only thing to be wary about is some places require both parties to consent to recording, so look into that first.” Zer0Studioz
2. AITJ For Refusing To Use My Mom's Old Engagement Ring For My Own?
“My (28) partner and I (23) have talked about designing our own rings for our future engagement.
Recently, my mom offered to give us her ring from her marriage to my dad to melt down and incorporate into mine.
I refused. Her marriage to my dad was filled with negativity: she had a midlife crisis and was unfaithful, and my dad wasn’t a saint either—he struggled with heavy drinking the entire time.
Their relationship was toxic and ultimately ended badly. To me, their ring is a symbol of that failed marriage, and I don’t want to carry that energy into my future with my partner. I want our rings to represent a fresh, positive start.
My mom didn’t take it well.
She thinks I’m being disrespectful and sentimental about the wrong things. She argues that it’s “just a ring” and sees it as a meaningful gesture to pass it down.
AITJ for refusing?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your wedding is about your fiancé and you.
If you wanted this ring, it would be different. But the fact that your mother considers your «no» as disrespectful is a sign that she wants to force herself into your marriage. You’re an adult, and now your choices are made with our future husband.
Not your parents. You can take their advice, but they can’t make decisions for you anymore. Your mother also is disillusioned to consider her ring as a symbol of love… Use her own words: if it’s just a ring, why is it so important to her?
Congratulations on your wedding and just make your own decisions.” Lyzab77
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and stand your ground. We purchased a home with what we call bad mojo. Every time we make a change or get rid of something we declare how much mojo we just removed. This bad mojo took an experience that could have been joyous and sucked the life out of it.
We didn’t know about the bad mojo, you do!!!! Use that knowledge and find your own ring to represent your new life! As to mom, you likely won’t be able to convince her your stance is right so just keep your sentences short. ‘No thank you we want our own rings.'” LadyAmemyst
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your reasons make sense and even if you just didn’t want it that is your right. Slightly (random) anecdote: When my cousin thought she was going to get engaged her mother brought out her wedding dress all excited and my cousin (politely) declined. Her mother kept pushing because they could change the design, just use the fabric, etc. and basically, my cousin wanted a fresh start with no one else’s expectations/baggage.
My aunt continued to push until my cousin was like you and Dad were unhappy for the majority of my life. I do not want to start my marriage in a dress that started your misery. My aunt was extremely offended and kept bringing it up, it took my mom/aunts asking why did she need to interject herself into this moment and make it about her vs respecting her daughter’s wishes to get her to drop it and to find out why she was so pushy.
It was twofold 1. She wanted to be a part of the moment and her daughter’s new life in some way and 2. she basically felt like her daughter not accepting the dress was judging her for staying/choosing her ex. I don’t know what your mother’s rationale is, but just like with my aunt, her feelings are not your issue.” Gigi-lily
1. AITJ For Asking My Cousin Not To Eat My Special Diet Food?
“My (25m) cousin (24f), let’s call her Amanda, has a mental impairment, so she acts about 6-8 years old. She is also a very picky eater, which makes holidays hard for her, and she usually just eats the rolls, and maybe a few bites of whatever the meat is.
Her mom, my Aunt Wanda, never brings anything for her to eat despite knowing what food will be there (we have a family group chat so people don’t bring the same or similar foods) and what my cousin won’t eat.
Another cousin (23f), Elizabeth, has a severe dairy allergy, and her sister (28f), Cameron, doesn’t eat gluten.
They always make and bring their own food. I am vegetarian and avoid dairy as much as possible, I always make and bring my own food, and eat what I can from what the rest of the family brings. Our family is respectful of our allergies and dietary needs and does not eat what we bring for ourselves, so we don’t cook a lot since it’s just the three of us.
At Thanksgiving, Elizabeth brought DF/GF mashed potatoes and gravy, Camille brought salad and a veggie tray with DF dip, and I made a box of DF/GF mac & cheese. I didn’t think Amanda would want to eat the macaroni because it’s not what she’s used to (Kraft or Velveeta), and it does obviously taste different from standard macaroni.
She’s very sensitive to small flavor changes like that.
We had our allergen-free food on a separate table, so people didn’t accidentally take our food when there were larger portions of the same food but with the allergens in them. The only thing that we had that the rest of the family didn’t was the mac & cheese.
When all the food was out, Amanda saw the mac & cheese and went straight to our food table. I let her know that it was DF/GF and was for just me, Elizabeth, and Camille, but if she wanted to try some and have some after we get our servings, she could.
Instead, she ignored me and scooped up HALF of it onto her plate. I asked her to put some back because it wasn’t fair to take all that when I made it for the three of us. She started screaming and crying saying that it wasn’t fair that we have our special food that she can’t eat, when there’s hardly any food for her to eat, and no one makes food just for her.
I knew with her being in that state that reasoning with her wasn’t going to work, so I didn’t say anything. Her mom came over and took her to sit and calm down. She took one bite of the macaroni, didn’t like it, and threw the plate on the floor.
Her mom took her into the kitchen and they made a box of Kraft macaroni for her to eat. Later, my Aunt Wanda told me it was inconsiderate of me to make food Amanda would think she likes, and that I “forced” my aunt to make her food while everyone was eating.
AITJ for asking her to wait until we got our food before taking some for herself?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you have a (mentally) young person at a party with typically no food she likes, and you brought macaroni and cheese. You can’t find a kid’s menu that doesn’t feature macaroni and cheese.
(Makes me crazy how often my young relatives eat it, almost daily.). So it was kind of an attractive nuisance. Be secretly happy the aunt had to get off her lazy behind and make her kid some food she’d eat. It’s her job to ensure that her child gets nourishment.” mostly_lurking1040
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your aunt Wanda is the one at fault here. She needs to start acting like an actual adult and parent her child. She could have stopped what was going on by allowing Amanda to have just a tiny bite of your mac and cheese (rather than allowing her to ruin most of the dish).
The next time you all gather, put the special non-allergen food somewhere that Amanda can’t see it (or reach it). It won’t be as convenient, but she won’t be able to ruin it either.” Spiritual_Cry3316
Another User Comments:
“Of course you’re NTJ. However… your cousin’s disability makes a bit more planning than you did necessary.
And typically, her mother would help with that. But apparently that isn’t the case. I work with folks with developmental disabilities. They can learn rules, but also, they can have mood and behavior problems that interfere with learning and applying rules. And each individual is VERY individual. I would suggest you simply learn to predict your cousin’s behavior and work around it if you don’t see her often.
It will make for the easiest gatherings. Hopefully, she is getting some help and support for her moods and behaviors, but that’s really not something you can influence.” Ok_Membership_8189
