People Run Their Mouths In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Not Wanting My Younger Sister At My Sleepover?
“I, 16F, have a sleepover with my friends, Jen and Tara, both 16F tonight. We’ve been planning this for a week and we are excited because it’s the first time in months we’ve been able to hang out given busy schedules and school work.
My mom recently left for a few days on a business trip and it’s just me, my dad, and my sister, 11F. My sister and I get along perfectly fine and we’re extremely close.
I was telling my dad details and when to drop me off, pick me up, etc. and he replies by saying to take my little sister (call her Kate).
As I said before, Kate and I are on great terms, but I don’t want her coming to this sleepover. It’s just for me and my friends, and I’ve been waiting for this forever. If Kate comes, we can’t watch films for above her maturity level, talk about school gossip, etc. like we normally do at sleepovers.
I also just honestly want to spend this night away from family and with my friends after a stressful week (AP examinations).
My dad’s saying I’m being unfair. I believe he just wants to party with friends or go out, and he can’t do that with my little sister at home.
However, I’m not willing to let her come along. Am I being stubborn here?”
Another User Comments:
“I cannot stand a parent’s thought process of foisting little siblings upon older siblings pre-planned events. It ruins plans when there is that much of an age difference and a huge difference in what you can talk about and watch.
She shouldn’t get to go just because your dad says so. I’d put my foot down here and explain my reasoning. And it’s really annoying and hypocritical he’s trying to ruin your plans and make you parent for the night so he can, in fact, go off and not parent for the night.
At the end of the day, he’s the dad, not you. He should be the one to stay home with her. I would not take her. I don’t care if that makes me seem selfish, this is a pre-planned night that doesn’t include little kids.
NTJ.” AquaticStoner1996
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If I were you I’d wait for a good time to give Mom a phone call and explain to her what’s going on. Just because Dad wants a day off while Mom isn’t around doesn’t mean he deserves one.
It isn’t your obligation to take your sister with you everywhere, you’re not her parent and she was never invited to the sleepover. And as a younger sister myself, nothing sounds more boring than being at someone’s house where everyone’s older and doing their own thing while I’m too young to enjoy it.
I would’ve hated that if I was your sister, definitely call your mom.” azvxa
Another User Comments:
“You need to explain to your father that this is someone else’s home, and you can’t just bring another person. Especially one who is in a different age group and will throw a monkey wrench into the party host’s plans to show age-appropriate movies.
He needs to understand that this is not your call to make and that your friends have planned this for a while now. You also need to explain to your sister that you love her, but you do not want her exposed to things that are not suitable for her age group.
You are NTJ. Your father is, and he is being unfair and unreasonable to ask this of you and more importantly your friends. Stand your ground.” kimariesingsMD
21. AITJ For Confronting My Coworker About His Excessive Farting At Work?
“I, a 30-year-old woman, manage a set of employees in a seafood department.
My coworker has Asperger’s. A lot of the management team doesn’t have patience for him. I have a nephew with Down syndrome so I try to be as calm, understanding, and patient as possible.
This is my coworker’s first job outside of working for his family.
He has several issues such as personal space and will be right on top of you while you are trying to work. He has a habit of saying things he shouldn’t to customers.
We’ve addressed and handled these gently but he still needs reminding sometimes.
The problem I’m having is this kid is gassy. I get it, you pass gas, I pass gas, everyone does. Sometimes they just slip out. I’ve told everyone if you have to go to the bathroom, go; I will handle the customers.
The other employees are complaining this kid is crop dusting them. I’ve ignored it when he’s done it to me. The other day he was helping me stock, brushed up against me, and essentially passed gas on me.
I was hit with the stench immediately and gagged, it was so bad.
It was just the two of us working. I took him aside with no customers or employees around and said, look, I’ve tried to ignore it but we have to try and be more professional. If you have to go to the bathroom, go; it’s fine.
I have no issues if you have to go multiple times a shift but please excuse yourself to the cooler or bathroom or back room if you are gassy. You essentially just passed gas on me.
He denied he’s done this.
It was an embarrassing conversation for both of us. I feel bad.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, that is just nasty. He’ll keep doing it as long as you let him. Funnily, my deaf mother-in-law kept machine gun passing gas in front of everyone because she couldn’t hear it so she thought she was getting away with something.
Until we told her no, stop doing it please.” Bigdaddylovesfatties
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Now is the time to start documenting interactions and touching base with your next higher-up and HR, to make sure he doesn’t twist this into a discrimination claim.
Of course you can’t let this slip by. It’s a real issue and it’s impacting everyone in the workspace and probably impacting customers. Gotta address this before it causes more serious problems.” doublestitch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were professional. He needs to learn to be professional, which includes not being aggressively flatulent in the public area of a grocery store.
Notify management of the issue, of the steps that you’ve taken so far, and that more direction and guidance is required to correct the problem. While sympathetic, he is at best an HR liability, and at worst, a health and safety hazard.” CandylandCanada
20. AITJ For Kicking My Addict Mother Out Of My House?
“My (25f) mother (47f) did not raise me.
She was constantly on a substance bender my entire childhood. We didn’t form a real relationship until I was 17.
In October, my fiancé and I let my mother stay in my office until she could afford her own place.
We only asked her not to bring anyone over (her friends are all on substances or criminals) and to just clean up after herself. It is now July and she’s still here. She has brought people over while we were gone (some stole some of our things, even as small as food), leaves ashes all over my house, leaves food out in the kitchen all night causing bugs, is passive-aggressive to my fiancé because she doesn’t understand that he’s developing a video game and thinks he should have a hard labor job, and a lot of other things.
The thing that tipped the bucket was when I found a used needle in my bathroom trash. Granted she is a CNA, but even with that, it’s still a biohazard. It literally had BLOOD in it. I asked her to not do that and she gave me her usual response whenever I ask anything – an automatic attitude of I’m being unreasonable and that I have no idea what I’m talking about.
It immediately turned into a screaming match because any boundary I set makes her super emotional and she tries to guilt me with tears. So I told her to get out.
I feel horrible because she has nowhere else to go but she is literally making it so uncomfortable to exist in my own home.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t let her guilt you. You’ve been generous enough to let her stay in your home, but she has obviously abused that privilege with a lack of respect. On top of that, she’s downplayed your husband’s work while she herself doesn’t sound like she’s getting better.
You can only give someone so much help until it’s beyond you, don’t let her guilt you and kick her out. You can continue to support her from the outside but she can only get herself better. I’ve experienced this with one of my own family members.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“She’s lived there too long so you are going to have to evict her if she chooses not to leave on her own. Either way, you need to have her gone. She’s a substance abuser and because of that, she’s not reliable.
Never has been never will be. Your kindness means nothing to her. This isn’t a relationship you need.” SnooBunnies7461
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – As the child of an addict it’s sooo hard to force boundaries. They are often masters of manipulation.
Finding a used needle in your house is enough for you to tell her she needs to leave. She’s disregarded your rules time and time again. And she will continue to do so until you put your foot down. It’s not your responsibility to care for her.
And enabling her isn’t going to help anyone. I’m so sorry, I know how hard it is to have to create these boundaries and stick with them. Hugs deary!” GreedyCharity5584
19. AITJ For Calling Animal Control On My Neglectful Neighbor?
“My neighbors have all sorts of animals. Chickens, ducks, roosters, guineas, goats, cats, and dogs. The goats stay in a pen. The birds she allows to free roam in her yard and my yard.
I rarely see their cats, but the dogs I see quite frequently. They’re super friendly as they’ve come up to me many times when I’m outdoors. I am a dog person and have two of my own. But the way these dogs are treated breaks my heart.
They’re dirty, covered in fleas, and their nails are too long. She never puts them in a fenced area and allows them to go near our road which is extremely busy with traffic from farming trucks and 18-wheelers. I’m always scared they’ll get hit because of their owners being careless.
I’ve asked her numerous times to put the pups in the fenced-in area of her yard. She never does. Even when I told her it was dangerous to let them run around like they do. Plus it makes her liable if someone got bitten by either dog.
I know they’re friendly, but why risk it?
Well, a few months ago my lawn guy asked me to step outside. He took me to an area behind our pump house and showed me a dead duck and piles of rotten chicken and duck eggs.
The smell was horrendous. I was appalled. I am a nurse and have been so busy lately I haven’t had a chance to go that far out in the backyard. I confronted her and she flat-out denied doing it and said it must be a snake stealing the eggs and dropping them there and that a snake probably killed the duck.
I said “If you are dumping them please clean them and remove the dead duck. I don’t want it on my property.” Her response was basically “Well I can’t control snakes.” My last words to her were “Well whatever, just get the mess out of my yard.” I gave her a few days.
She didn’t clean it. I cannot describe the odor. Ugh.
So to get proof I bought a Ring camera and installed it to video stuff in my backyard. Sure enough, it caught her and her son redhanded doing exactly what I suspected. Dumping all that stuff into my yard when she cleans her nasty coops out.
I called Animal Control. I know there was absolutely no use talking to her anymore or confronting her because I have before and nothing changes at all. She’s crazy and I wanted nothing more to do with her. I also refused to clean up the mess I did not make.
The officer came out and I showed him the video. He went over to her house and wrote her a ticket. While he was there he also took her dogs. What I did NOT know is this was her last straw because she had been warned about the dogs on two previous occasions.
I did not know other neighbors had called about her dogs. I never called about her dogs. They were taken to a no-kill shelter.
Right after they left she sends her 12-year-old daughter to our house. I answer the door and she’s in tears.
She says “My grandma says we will clean the eggs up. And also thank you for having my dogs taken away.”
I didn’t have her dogs taken away! I got tired of trying to reason with her. But AITJ for calling Animal Control on her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It saddens me that people claim to be such tender-hearted animal lovers and yet don’t take care of them, and angers me when they use little kids to try and make you feel guilty for reporting their neglect.
In the end, you did what was best for the animals – the dogs included. Now maybe they can get cleaned up and go with people who will not take their unconditional love for granted. Your neighbor can be mad if she wants, but it was her actions (or inaction, rather) that created the problem in the first place.” Therx73
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t be fooled by the kid crying, she was 100% told to cry to try to manipulate you. Wouldn’t surprise me if she threatened to hit the kid if she didn’t do what grandma wanted, she’s been dumping dead animals and other stuff onto your property, 100% causing a health hazard.
What if you had a child over and they go to that part of the garden, see the animal bodies, and start touching it? She’s a lazy, irresponsible owner who should have a lifetime ban from owning any animals.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If the animals aren’t being taken care of, is the kid? Call your local child and family services or the equivalent and let them know about the animal neglect. That’s very unlikely to be enough to prompt a visit on its own but if other people see other things, it helps to establish a paper trail.” Willothewisp-
18. AITJ For Choosing To Celebrate My Anniversary Over My Sister's Performance?
“I (20f) have a little sister (I’m going to call her Madison, 14f). Madison is in a singing group with the local community center. They have little performances every couple of weeks or so. I go to every performance I can.
The only ones I missed were because I was in college (8 hours away). Even then I made most of them. They have a performance next week and I said that I wouldn’t be able to make the performance. I apologized and told Madison that I would make the next one for sure.
I have a long-distance partner (I’m going to call him Jimmy, 21m). One lives on the east coast and the other on the west. We are both broke college students so we don’t see each other very often.
Next week is our anniversary which is the same day as Madison’s performance. Jimmy is flying out the day before so we can celebrate our anniversary together (3 years!!). We have a whole day planned including dinner at the same time as my sister’s performance.
I don’t think it’s that big of a deal if I miss her performance one time. I go to almost all of them. I know they are important to her but Jimmy is also important to me and I’ve been missing him a lot.
I was hoping Madison would understand but now she’s mad at me. She’s refusing to speak to me because I “love Jimmy more than her.”
My parents think I should skip my anniversary and go to the performance.
They said I can celebrate the next day and not be an inconsiderate sister. They said that Jimmy might not be my partner for the rest of my life but Madison will always be around. I don’t think I’m doing anything wrong.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister sounds really immature. This is the behavior I would expect from a six-year-old. If she were six, I would recommend one of those kid’s books written for children who have just had a new baby in the family, and need to be reassured that good families can offer more love without depriving older siblings.
You might want to buy one of those books anyhow and leave it on the kitchen counter. Also, your parents should have your back on this.” maenad2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Missing one performance is not a big deal at all.
Your parents are especially the jerks. I really hate the whole “partner might not be around your whole life so you should prioritize other people”. And you have been together for 3 years, not 3 days. They really need to stop encouraging her behavior.
It’s perfectly ok to be sad and disappointed over this but there’s a line. It’s really bad for her to have this kind of behavior condoned at her age. And she already sounds very immature for her age honestly.
I would talk to her one more time and tell her you love her but you can’t come to the performance. Be kind but firm. That’s all you can really do and your family is just going to have to get over it.
Please don’t feel guilty and enjoy your anniversary.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you get 2 days a year when it’s fine for you to prioritize yourself, your birthday & your anniversary. Your sister has these concerts all the time & you go to most of them, it’s selfish & childish of your mother & sister to say you should miss your anniversary for just another concert, I don’t mean to sound harsh but it’s not a special event.
Tell them no & stop explaining yourself” Kindly-Platform-2193
17. AITJ For Correcting My Niece's Husband Who Suddenly Called Me 'Aunt' After 25 Years?
“For almost 25 years, my niece’s husband from my husband’s side of the family always made it very clear to me that I was not his aunt or a member of his family. All I was was the woman who married his wife’s uncle, nothing more.
While I found his comment hurtful, I got over it and never again referred to him as family.
Fast forward to this summer. While I am walking home from the doctor’s office a couple of blocks from my home, I happened to run into him with his family and some of his co-workers.
I didn’t say anything and just kept walking by. However, someone called my name so I stopped and turned around. All of a sudden, I’m being addressed as if I was family by someone who has denied being anything to me for almost 25 years.
He called me his “aunt” by marriage. I however corrected him in front of everyone using the same words he said to me all those years ago. I told him I am not your “aunt”, I am the woman who married your wife’s uncle, your words not mine remember?
Please do not refer to me as such again. I then proceeded to walk away while he tried to explain to everyone exactly what I meant by that. Am I the jerk or was I right by doing it?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. I don’t call my husband’s aunts/uncles my aunts/uncles. If I refer to them I say “Partner’s Aunt.” He has the same policy for my family. You also say you’re the same age as him in another comment.
No wonder he didn’t want to refer to you as Aunt OP. That would be incredibly awkward. That being said, he was standoffish in his manner of handling it. But there was no need to be just as petty back.” oceanicblues86
Another User Comments:
“INFO: From your comments, you indicate that at the time he made those initial comments, he was 31, and you were also in your early thirties. Could that have something to do with it? What were the circumstances of your husband’s earlier divorce from your niece’s actual aunt?
Were you, perhaps, the ‘other woman?’ There seems to be more here than you’re presenting.” Cent1234
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If he didn’t want to be embarrassed, he could have just kept walking. You say that you were already ignoring him — he could have done the same.
He’s the one who opened himself up to shame. Depending on the age difference and the situation between the families, I could have potentially seen where he was coming from. But he is the one who opened the door by reaching out to you, and so everything is on him as far as I am concerned.” Usoki
16. AITJ For Not Telling My Husband How Long Dinner Takes To Make?
“My husband (m39) and I (f30) have almost two-and-a-half-year-old twins. I am finishing up my bachelor’s degree and am currently enrolled in summer classes where I have to drive an hour and a half round trip every Tuesday.
Due to my husband’s job, he is away from the house for days at a time so I am performing single-parent operations in regards to our kids. When he is home, I still cook all the dinners and do the majority of the load of taking care of the kids while trying to get my schoolwork taken care of when the kids are either at daycare or after they go to bed.
My husband and I have decided to go keto recently so we have had fun picking out new recipes to try. I’ve been eyeing this one beef stroganoff recipe for a while but haven’t had the time to make it as my days have been long and it takes 2 hours to prepare.
It says the time it takes to prepare right at the top of the recipe card right before it lists the ingredients, so it is not a secret.
My husband was away from Friday morning until Monday morning so I had zero time to do schoolwork this weekend as I was completely exhausted from chasing the kids around and they weren’t exactly easy this weekend for me.
I told my husband that I was going to stay on campus after my classes so I could finish up the homework that I was unable to do this weekend and that was fine with him. I asked him this morning if he could make that beef stroganoff recipe and he agreed so I sent him the recipe.
I was so occupied with my classes, homework, reading, and studying that I didn’t even worry about him taking care of dinner.
Cut to me getting home at 5:45 and dinner is nowhere near done. He started it 15 minutes before I got home.
He told me that he had no idea it was going to take 2 hours and so I asked if he read the recipe card. He said he read the ingredients and that was it. Then he asked if I knew that it took 2 hours so I said I did.
This is when he blew up at me getting so angry that I never told him that it was going to take this long. I told him I was busy and I didn’t think I needed to tell him.
I also said that when I remind him about something he will question me if I think he is an idiot. So then he told me that I shouldn’t be with him because he is useless and whatnot, just basically a temper tantrum.
What really made me upset is that he didn’t even have a backup dinner being prepared for the kids and we give them dinner at 6 every night so I am sure they were already hungry. I had to start making them something else.
So AITJ for not telling him how long dinner was supposed to take to make?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – part of cooking, especially for a new dish, is reading the whole recipe not just the ingredient list. Though I have to wonder why it takes that long for a dish I usually throw together in a few minutes— did it call for simmering a tough cut of beef for an extended period?
Because anyone who’s worked with pot roast cuts knows you have to plan in braising time. It sounds like you’re both drained and frustrated tbh.” Rough_Elk_3952
Another User Comments:
“Ok, for those saying OP should have given a heads-up, I think he is an adult and has to know how things work without someone constantly warning him or giving specific instructions.
Dude, you are an adult, deal with a mistake you made! I get this situation with my husband sometimes where I ask him to feed our toddler or dress him and he stands with his hands on his hips and asks 1000 more questions about what to feed him, how to prepare it, “oh, I don’t know how to do this” and so on.
It drives me nuts sometimes! Just think! Use your brain! What would happen if I wasn’t available to answer any of your questions? If I was in the hospital or dead? Deal with it! Same in this situation! Dinner was solely his responsibility, why did he make it about her?
If he was frustrated that he didn’t start on time and made a mistake, he should have found solutions, not blame OP. So in my eyes, you are NTJ!” Europeangirl101
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I could see myself easily forgetting to read the recipe beforehand, assuming it would take a normal prep time, and then being frustrated when I realized it was 2 hours.
However, his reaction was unacceptable and I urge you to set some firm boundaries moving forward. Also, while would have been nice of you to give him a heads-up, you are not the “manager of cooking” and it’s not your responsibility to delegate like that.
This reminds me of The Mental Load which talks about the often-invisible work of project managing the household that women are expected to do, just because we’re women and sexism. Don’t let yourself get sucked into taking accountability for that mental load, because it’s a job in itself.” oooyomeyo
15. AITJ For Disagreeing With My Husband's Approach To Introducing Our Pets?
“My husband & I have a puppy. We also have three VIP cats. We’ve wanted a dog for years.
Doggo has been here for 2 months & we’ve (I’ve) been very careful about introductions/interactions etc…dog lives in the main room where he has his bed/access to the garden for “pickles”; the cats still have the kitchen, their food, cat flap, the upstairs windows are also always open so they can sleep on the bed.
Cattos have been slow to accept Doggo so last week I decided (on vet advice) to shut us all in a room together to show them they could be in charge & nothing bad would happen. It went really well.
They all hated it at first, but they also all learned that they live together & nobody is going to hurt one another.
I told my husband about this & he was pleased; tonight, he tried to replicate it…I was there, they were all put in the same room, growling & hissing (vet says this is good) was abound but eventually things settled. At which time, husband, and I don’t know why, decided to pick up shyest kitty & thrust her into Doggo’s face – ShyKitty lashed out at Doggo who yelled, screamed (he’s fine, just dramatic) but husband responded by booming at ShyKitty & throwing her out of the house – the other two naturally followed because hey!
We’re cats & won’t go where we’re yelled at.
He sees no problem & thinks the cats have to learn that the dog is in charge. I completely disagree & told him so…apparently, we’re now getting divorced and I can keep my cats and he’ll take the dog & the house – AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Wow. NTJ obviously, you’re going off of professional advice, he’s going off of his personal opinion; unless he’s a vet these aren’t equal. But honestly, it doesn’t sound like this escalation has anything to do with the pet arrangement.
First, he created conflict where you resolved it, and then immediately jumped to divorce as a solution. You should talk to him honestly about your marriage, maybe with a counselor, because it sounds like he’s just looking for a way out.” TheseBurgers-R-crazy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but husband is – he just taught the kitties to BE afraid of the puppy. Pet introductions are all about associations. Ideally, you want the kitties to feel safe around the dog – and get treats and pets.
Hearing a loud sound while interacting just taught the cats that dogs are scary. Also, I think you’re screwing things up by rushing. Cats also need some time to adjust. Have you tried switching scents? There’s a lot of advice and things you can try.
Good luck. Editing to add a big wth – I missed that he wants a divorce if the dog doesn’t get to be the dominant animal??? That’s not a healthy conflict response – is this coming out of nowhere or has he always been an overreactor/manipulator?” Rowan6547
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The cats need to be in charge, not the dog. If the dog is scared of them it won’t hurt them. It was good the cat scared the dog. Now the dog will keep its distance.
But your husband was unfair to punish the cat when he thrust it into a scary situation the cat couldn’t avoid.” babamum
14. AITJ For Confronting My Friend About Using Her Dad's Death As An Excuse?
“This happened back in 5th grade a few years back, I had a friend whose dad had been battling cancer for some time. She talked about it a lot and I felt really bad because she was just watching her dad slowly fade away.
The teacher always took the weight off of her shoulders and gave her breaks and no work which was very understandable.
Her dad lost his battle and my friend was absolutely heartbroken. Everybody felt horrible about what happened and the teacher just let her chill, have breaks, and didn’t have her do any work for a few weeks, which is reasonable.
The rest of the year she got special treatment but I wasn’t mad about it, I think she needed it.
But here’s where I might be the jerk.
6th grade came and the teacher still gave her special treatment, I didn’t understand because it was a while after her dad’s death but I just thought she was still in a mourning process so I ignored it.
But soon I had her over to my house and she seemed pretty fine. Maybe she was putting on a brave face? I told her some deep secrets and some deep stuff going on in my life at the time (during 5th-6th grade I had a few traumatic experiences) I told her to tell no one and she swore not to.
I went back to a school and everyone knew, people in 6th grade didn’t realize the seriousness of the things going on in my life at the time so they made fun of me for everything. I confronted my friend and she said “sorry just ever since my dad passed away, things have been hard.” I was still mad but I just told myself that that could have been part of her mourning process and I couldn’t blame her.
But then, we had a book fair I took all the money I had saved up so I could buy books (I was a book nerd), well she didn’t have any money and she asked me to buy her something.
I told her that it was money I saved up and that I was sorry but I wanted to buy stuff for myself. She started to cry and call me selfish, telling me “at least you have a dad” “we can’t afford books right now” “it’s really hard not having a dad” etc. I felt bad so I bought her some things she wanted. When I counted how much money everything would be all together, there was barely enough for me to even buy a pen.
I asked her to put a couple of things back and her lip started to curl so I gave in and bought her everything. Then she walked away without even saying thank you. I felt that I couldn’t feel angry because of her dad’s passing.
For the next few months, she kept doing stuff like this, and whenever somebody got angry at her she would start crying about her dad’s death.
After a while I was tired of it so I confronted her, I told her she needed to stop using her dad’s death as an excuse to treat people poorly.
She did not take this well and told her mom, who told the principal. I told the principal what my “friend” did, which she denied all of. The principal believed her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Like other comments have said, although she can use her dad’s death as an excuse because sometimes losses can hit differently, you still need to set boundaries.
Like I think at the time when her dad was dying it was perfectly fine to give her special privileges to give her time to cope (especially since he was dying when she was pretty young) and after as well since she needed time to mourn.
I think after though when y’all were heading to 6th grade those privileges should have been less like she still had to do homework but could take breaks from time to time (or vice versa). They also could have given her free books (that were not needed) if she was poor and was struggling.
Because it seems the school is very involved in her home life. But like you said it goes from TK/k – 6th those privileges will be gone pretty soon. And I don’t think the school in middle is really gonna care for her or in high school.
That is where she will learn. But I do think you should try to distance yourself because it sounds like to me you guys are pretty close. Or just set boundaries.” Pleasing_Art
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honestly, I would recommend you stop being friends with her.
There’s no trauma that excuses her sharing your secrets when she was well aware that you didn’t want anyone else to know. Her guilting you into buying all that stuff for you and leaving you with barely anything shows that she doesn’t care about you as much as she should.
And so on and so forth. She’s most likely lashing out in response to her trauma. And, to be fair, things like this don’t go away in a year. They stick around your whole life. But that doesn’t mean you can treat people around you badly.
You deserve friends who care about you as much as you care about them. Friends think about how their actions affect you. Friends feel bad for causing you pain. Friends apologize and try to better themselves. This girl is not your friend.
What she’s going through sucks, but you aren’t obligated to be her punching bag.” magicalboytransform
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your friend has worked out that she can use her dad’s death as a way to manipulate people into getting what she wants, or get away with bad behavior.
It is awfully sad that her dad is gone and grief takes as long as it takes, but it is obvious when someone is truly having that wave of grief, and when someone is using grief as a manipulation tool.
Grief: ‘I remember when Dad and I did XYZ, I hated it but he loved it so much, that I actually miss doing XYZ with him” Manipulation: “Can you get me ABC, since my dad died we can’t afford ABC and you still have a dad.” So you were right to call her out.
You’re not saying she is not still brokenhearted over her dad being gone, you just don’t want to pander to her whims and her using his death as a tool to manipulate. The principal probably was well aware of what she was doing but has to be careful how they deal with situations like this, because they could be accused of damaging mental health etc…
so would have to be seen doing something. Did you face any consequences other than maybe having to apologize?” [deleted]
13. AITJ For Reporting My Inappropriate Interviewer And Getting Him Fired?
“I (f27) went to a job interview for a potential job opportunity at this company.
The interviewer, we’ll call him “Eddie” (30ish) welcomed me into the office and had me sit down. The first thing he did was look at my CV then started asking me questions that seemed a little too personal and unrelated to the job.
Like if I was in a relationship, whether my eye color was “real” or just ‘lenses”, also asked about how I spend my time when “alone” and what type of dudes I like. Like legit personal questions. Don’t know if he was testing how I react but I kept it cool until he asked me the question of what my greatest weakness was.
I responded by saying “keeping up with your inappropriate questions and answering them politely!” He looked at me upset and then told me I had an “attitude”. It was clear that the interview was over. He told me I didn’t get the job which I found unfair because I don’t think I deserved to lose the job over what?
Nothing. I got into an argument with him and then told him I was going to report him.
I went to speak to the supervisor and filed a complaint against Eddie. The supervisor apologized to me and tried to reschedule a new interview but I was hesitant about it.
Later I was told that Eddie got fired which made me feel guilty. My mom and dad agreed that his questions were inappropriate but said that I went too far by reporting him and having him fired. Eddie tried contacting me via email saying that what I did could’ve been resolved between us and even said he could’ve arranged a new interview for me but I “ruined” it for myself and cost him his job.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I am a manager who has interviewed people for over 30 years and could clearly say that “Eddie” had no business interviewing you. He clearly crossed the line and then had the gall to play the victim in all of this.
I think you handled yourself professionally. I feel everyone thinks it would be easy to interview but there is actually a lot of training that is required because there are so many questions you can ask someone that seem harmless and actually break the law.
But…Eddie’s questions are way beyond that…it seems he not only crossed the line but was 100 miles beyond the line. Eddie actually put his whole company at risk for a lawsuit that can cost them millions in settling lawsuits and legal fees.
The company did the wrong thing by not training and preparing Eddy to conduct interviews but they did the right thing in the end and cut out that cancer from their company.” ChewyRib
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! 100% WTF is wrong with your parents?!
They should have your back on this. You absolutely did the right thing in reporting him! Those questions shouldn’t have been anywhere in that interview! And since they did fire him, you should consider going in for an interview. A great new position just opened up!
YOU did not get him fired, he got himself fired by being completely unprofessional in the interview. If nobody tells his supervisor, how will they know?! I’d want to know if I ran the company! I’d want decent people working for me.
I wouldn’t want people getting harassed at the interview! It doesn’t say anything good about the company if that happens!!!! And him emailing you after the fact? You send him a link to this post so he can see just how ridiculous his behavior was.
He can blame nobody but himself for the outcome he received! And it’s hard to resolve things alone with someone who was harassing you at a place of work!
(Advice: If ever you’re asked about your greatest weakness at a job interview, you can give the same answer I give: “I don’t handle unprofessional attitudes very well” Most employers love to think they have a professional workforce and don’t actually see that as a bad weakness to have.) Make a police report of his email harassment.
He may have kept your address info too. And let the supervisor know he contacted you after the fact. Tell them you can forward the email if needed. Just totally wow.” jammy913
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did the right thing.
Also, I’m sure your complaint would not have wielded so much power if this wasn’t already a preexisting behavior displayed by Eddie in the workplace. Good on you for reporting him because the interview was unfair and you were right to feel hesitant about a workplace that would still have someone like Eddie working there.
I call nonsense on him blaming you and saying you could have worked it out. You stood your ground and called him out for asking personal questions that were unrelated to the job. He should have stopped, apologized for the questions, and continued with the interview instead of arguing with you and basically hanging the job over your head.
Hope you’re able to find another job.” BlueCanuck96
12. AITJ For Refusing To Share My Dead Name With My Husband's "Friend"?
“I (22) am a trans man, I’ve been out for 8 years and have been transitioning for 6.
My husband and I went to his friend’s tonight and we were having a good evening until he asked for my dead name. I told him no and explained to him why I didn’t feel comfortable telling it to him.
He told me I was being a jerk for not having an “open and honest line of communication with him.” It ended with me, my husband, and the friend’s partner having a heated argument with him (his partner’s brother is also trans if that matters).
I told him he was acting incredibly entitled and I was done with the conversation before leaving. He told me I was being a jerk for not just telling him and making a big deal out of it.
I don’t feel I owe him anything and that me setting a boundary wasn’t wrong but I can’t help but feel like I ruined his relationship with my husband as well as the relationship with his partner.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ my daughter and their partner are non-binary and their partner’s name is not the the one they were born with. They have been together for 9 months and even my daughter does not know their dead name.
Why? Because it’s a dead name. It doesn’t matter what “name” you are born with, it matters what your name is NOW! Why is it so important for that person to know your dead name? Ask them if they are the police or something.
It’s one thing to be ignorant and not know and ask what someone’s dead name is but the second you declined to give it, it should have been dead in the water. They are the jerk for continuing to push.
Why does the world seem to have such a conflict with happiness? Who cares who someone loves or how they identify…. So long as they are happy that is good enough for me. I (48f) am cis, my son prefers men and my daughter prefers women and I don’t give two hoots so long as they are happy.
Hugs, live your best life and be HAPPY.” lynnharris3321
Another User Comments:
“The only reason that he wants your deadname is so he can “accidentally” call you it in the future, or “accidentally” let other people know what it was.
You deserve better than to deal with that, and honestly? Putting friend in quotation marks in the title was the right move, because he’s not your friend, and if he can’t act civil around trans people then he has no business being with someone whose family member is trans.
You’ve done nothing wrong. I do love the argument “you’re a jerk for not just doing what I want and making a big deal out of it,” though–does he use that on people who don’t want to be intimate with him as well?
NTJ.” genus-corvidae
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No one has the right to this info. I have been with my partner, who has a trans sibling, for 7 years and the sibling’s dead name never even came up. I think I once asked whether it started with a certain letter, as my partner has a slightly unusual name as his parents wanted his name to start with the same letter as their names and I was wondering whether they continued that tradition.
I saw the dead name once on some old camping gear, which was labeled for camp. And promptly forgot it, since it is irrelevant to me – I will obviously never use it anyway.” yes_no_yes_maybe
11. AITJ For Not Including A Non-Contributing Group Member On Our Project Submission?
“I (31M) am currently in grad school and am taking a class where there is a group project that requires writing a research paper and giving a presentation.
By the way, I really dislike group projects. This group project is worth 50% of the grade and will take significant time and effort. I become the leader of our group of 5 people. Note that there were two people that were assigned to our group after not being able to create or find a group themselves.
We get started working on the project, and one of these assigned members (we’ll call that person L) does not respond or interact with us in any way. L is included in all of the group emails, group chats, and invited to all meetings, but there is no response from them at all.
We other group members proceed anyway and make steady progress throughout the whole semester. We honestly all thought L dropped the class or joined another group on their own. In hindsight I guess we should have told the professor that L was ghosting us but whatever; we were just trying to get the work done.
Fast forward to 6 pm on the day the research project is due (yesterday). We have already presented our presentation, and are we putting some final touches on our paper to get it turned in before midnight. We then get a message in the group chat from L asking if today was the last day to turn in the paper.
I respond yes not realizing it was our long-lost group member, and my other group member wisely removes L from the group chat so we can focus and finish up.
As I am submitting our work around 11:30 pm, I get a direct chat from L asking why they were removed from the group chat.
I proceed to tell L that we thought they were in another group since they never responded or contributed in any way the ENTIRE SEMESTER. L then begins profusely apologizing about missing the presentation and asks if they can submit the paper.
I then proceed to submit the paper without her as a contributor. I inform L of this and say they can talk to the prof, but they didn’t contribute at all. I then start getting spammed with endless apologies from L along with pleading please don’t do this to me, they are unable to explain why they did not participate, etc. I close my computer and make myself an old-fashioned.
I look this morning and there are more messages and a missed call, but that is yesterday’s news and I am enjoying the day as that was my last thing to do for all my classes this semester. I get an email this evening from the prof asking why L wasn’t listed as a contributor.
I then proceeded to lay out what I just shared and am currently still awaiting a response. We will see what happens.
AITJ for not just adding her to the paper?”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. A research paper should follow the same standards as a paper submitted for publication to a journal. As you know, it would be deeply unethical to submit a paper to a journal adding an author who did not contribute at all, that’s why many journals ask you to explicitly list the contribution of all authors.
So independently of whatever excuses L might have, you would have actually been a jerk if you added her name, and in a real-life situation you could get in a lot of trouble for doing that.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Each person should earn credit in a class. Paying for a class is not paying for a passing grade. As a professor, I want to note that student groups should never write papers. Only individuals should write papers. Professors tend to choose the group paper option because it’s faster and easier to grade — but the best writer tends to do most of the work.
So, it doesn’t actually reflect each individual’s understanding and mastery of course content, or even each individual’s research or writing skills. When the paper comprises such a large percentage of the final grade, it’s particularly problematic, because it is almost impossible to truly measure student learning objectives.” ArrowTechIV
Another User Comments:
“I agree with disliking group projects. My two mates did all the work for their three-person group because member three refused to do anything, respond to messages, calls, or get together after class. They were told that if they couldn’t agree on each other’s grades between the three of them they would be docked 5%.
The guy that did no work and was uncontactable claimed bias (British uni, group students were Spanish, Polish, and no idea where he was from because he never spoke to anyone). When in all likelihood the only reason he was let off, under the threat of penalizing those that did all the work for him is because he was an outside EU student and the university would get huge tuition fees from him if he finished. I dislike group projects.
Even if you’re sick you can go via your professor to get in touch with colleagues if you’re not in lectures. If you are avoiding doing group work, you are avoiding group work.” [deleted]
10. AITJ For Ordering Takeout For My Sick Kid And Myself Because My Husband Won't Cook?
“I (40 f) and my kid (14 m) have been feeling sick for a few days and the heatwave in my region has not helped our energy levels (important later).
We each have kept up our basic chores (walking/feeding the dog, some laundry, watering plants, keeping the kitchen/bathrooms tidy), even though we feel terrible.
My husband (36 m) is not sick (Yay!) and has been home with us. Here’s the thing: Husband hasn’t done much except for sleep and game since this past Monday.
He has the week off (and that is rare), so it hasn’t been an issue- Until dinner comes around. He complains and whines, I get annoyed and just make dinner myself.
I’ve spent 4 days in a 100+ degree kitchen because he is lazy this week.
Today is day 5 and the heat is particularly bad and I don’t want my fever to climb again. I tell him I’m not cooking dinner again- And he complains that “it’s too hot in the kitchen” (No kidding?!). I point out that he didn’t care about it when I had to do it all week because he was being lazy.
Silence from his end.
We don’t have the budget for takeout, because bills just got paid. But we’re hungry, I can’t drive safely and dinner at 11:30 pm is unacceptable. Since my husband doesn’t care about eating – WIBTJ if I just ordered a meal for my kid and something light for myself?
I can get that without compromising our budget.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I’m glad to see from the edits that your husband has realized he was being, shall we say, less than helpful. It is also helpful to know he was anxious about something, which leads me to believe that he’s a good guy but just got caught between a sick family & bad news so … looks like he just got overwhelmed a bit & maybe didn’t clue in on you needing more help.
Anyway. Hope you & kiddo are better soon & that your husband’s family problems are resolved.” Maelstrom_Witch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, sometimes a cooking boycott is required. Last March I went for two weeks without cooking for my family because I was sick and tired of them (husband included) making ugly faces at whatever it was I cooked for dinner.
The rest of the house looked amazing those two weeks though.” prosperosniece
Another User Comments:
“Could the face also be annoyed, disrespected, confused? I know how dogs behave and apply that to humans. If you are a pack leader and you exclude a member from eating with the pack it can cause a battle to the death.
So be glad that didn’t happen & treat your husband with a little more respect: tell him you’re ordering from (place), did he want anything? Nope, boom, you’re free.” GeekboxGuru
9. AITJ For Wearing My Inherited Rings To Meet My Dad's New Partner?
“I, an 18-year-old male, wear rings on my pointer fingers and my right middle finger.
I inherited these rings from my grandfather who passed away last year.
My dad thinks the only ring a man should wear is his wedding ring but he never commented on mine and I thought he didn’t have a problem with them.
Last week, he invited me to meet his new partner that he has been seeing for a few months now, this Saturday the 15th of May (yesterday) where my siblings would be there too and I agreed. Yesterday, he told me I can’t wear my rings since he doesn’t want his partner to think I was too feminine (I am feminine but that’s not the rings’ fault) and I asked him why would she think that just because I’m wearing rings?
He said that only girls wear rings.
I told him I will either be wearing my rings or not going and he reluctantly said fine.
So I did and of course, he was sulking and commenting on them the whole night and his partner loved the rings and even asked if I would go shopping with her to find some for her son who loves rings too.
This seemed to cool him down a bit but later my older brother took me aside and told me I should have just done what he asked this once and he wouldn’t have been so embarrassed.
I ended up leaving early and both my siblings are blowing up my phones all of today telling me I need to apologize for wearing the rings and leaving early and I’m so conflicted about it.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ — I’m gender non-conforming (gnc), too, and I always had these wars with my parents. I get it — parents want life to be easy for their kids. They know that the world is hard on gnc people.
And probably most people give up lots of things every day of their lives to conform and don’t understand why we think it’s such a big deal. But you know the cost, you’re not stupid — you are aware that people aren’t as nice when you wear this as when you wear that — even little kids get that.
And lots of people eyes-open make these choices. And if he wants this woman to become family, he can’t base that on lies of who you are. If she’d dump him because she’s trans-phobic, he has to make that choice eyes-open.” Pumpkinkra
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is not the business of your brothers. They need to butt out. You would not have left but for your older brother’s interference. Your brothers and your father should have read the room, meaning that they should have taken the partner’s reaction into account which was positive.
There is nothing to be conflicted about. You did nothing wrong. No one is entitled to an apology. Block your brothers. You do not need this nonsense.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – this is such a strange hang-up for your dad to have especially considering your comments that he’s supportive of you in many other ways.
I think it’s worth sitting down with him 1:1 and asking what about this specific scenario that caused him to have such an unusual reaction. What it really something specific to rings? Or was it something to do with being introduced to a new partner and he was worried about what they might think?
If so, why didn’t he think they would care? Why did he continue to react negatively when his partner seemed totally fine with it?” Used_Mark_7911
8. AITJ For Uninviting My Fiancé's High School Best Friend From Our Wedding?
“My fiancé and I are getting married soon and I wanted a small wedding. I never saw the appeal in those huge, expensive weddings and I’ve always wanted a smaller, more intimate wedding with loved ones. I told my fiancé of this pretty early in our relationship and he was on board as well.
Even now, he’s the one who chose the location and we both love One Piece (Japanese manga) and when I agreed to make our wedding One Piece themed, he’s been excitedly planning it.
The problem however is with his neighbor/HS best friend: Giselle.
We live in a different state and his family comes to visit us for holiday so I hadn’t met her till very recently. Giselle told me that my fiancé told her that he had always dreamed of a big, extravagant wedding and it’s messed up how I’m forcing him to have a smaller wedding.
I asked my fiancé about this and he said it was true but he told her that when he was 15 and the wedding we’re planning right now is ten times better than anything he dreamed about when 15. He also talked to Giselle.
Despite that, Giselle continued to pester me about this. Apparently, he’s just giving into me and I’m really cruel and she’s just speaking up for him. She would give me a lot of attitude and I finally had enough and uninvited her from the wedding.
I told my fiancé about this and he’s a bit sad because apparently they used to be a bit close but I have been telling him about everything she’s been doing so he understands. My mother-in-law and father-in-law have asked me to reconsider because they consider her as family and Giselle obviously thinks I’m a jerk.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But why do I feel that Giselle is having issues with you? It’s not even her wedding. I think she has a crush on your significant other (cause why did she remember what kind of wedding your significant other wants?
That’s suspicious). Also please I think you can explain it properly to your mother-in-law and father-in-law why you uninvited her was not unreasonable. Hoping that your significant other will support you on that (unless he lowkey wants her to attend).” summer19_94
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your fiancé has the right to invite as much as you do. He should be addressing the friend about her attitude and assumption about what he wants now for his wedding. The next instance of her trying to butt in you should tell her that she is not the bride nor the groom and has no input or say about what has been decided. Just shut her down.
Or not talk to her at all.” embracedthegrey
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Giselle should’ve stopped making comments when your husband expressed he was happy with a small wedding. She crossed a line with her insinuation that you were as terrible as an ex who got him shunned. Tell your in-laws exactly what Giselle said, and that with how Giselle is acting you don’t know what she will do if she attends the wedding so she will not be re-invited. You and Hubs need to have a talk about him speaking to Giselle about her infantilization of him.
Tell him to explain to her that he is in favor of a small wedding. If you don’t, it seems like she’ll be a thorn in your side for the entirety of your marriage. “Oh, husband doesn’t want children.
He told me when we were in HS. She’s being a cruel, evil, bla bla bla, woman by forcing him to reproduce.” Or vice versa “She’s forcing Husband to buy a house when he really wants to live inside a camper.
He told me so ten years ago.” Etc., etc.” [deleted]
7. AITJ For Being Upset My Ex Revealed My Past Addiction To Our School Counselor?
“I (f) was in a relationship with this guy last June who ended things with me about 2 months into our relationship without giving me an explanation.
We associated with the same group of friends, so he told me we could still hang out, etc.
Well a couple of months later, he came up to me and said he didn’t want to even be friends and basically shut me out of the group.
This absolutely broke me since I’d been with this same group of people since I was 10. But I still was respectful and never nasty to anyone. I was sad but still tried to move on because as of right now, I’m graduating in about a month.
I haven’t gone to class all week, I’ve been sick. My ex and his friend told their gym teacher one of my biggest secrets yesterday that almost no one knows.
I’ve been struggling with a smoking addiction since I was 12, but I’m happy to say I’ve been clean for a couple of months.
Only a couple of my old friends know, and that includes him. The teacher told my counselor who I’m terrified to have to face. One of my other old friends that knows has defended my ex saying that “he was only trying to help, he was worried about you”.
This guy has made it very obvious he doesn’t care about me. My issues are MY business, and it’s not my ex’s place to snitch on me to authority figures. I know it’s my fault for using in the first place and telling people about it, but at the time I thought I could trust them.
I’m so scared that I could get in serious trouble. But I don’t want to be upset if I’m the one in the wrong. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not even close. Your ex sounds shady. You sound like a very nice person.
You have nothing to be embarrassed about. Conquering addition is really hard and it sounds like you’ve already done it or are in the process of doing it. This should be commended, not criticized. The good news is, you’re graduating and heading into a whole wide world that doesn’t know you and any history you have.
You’ve got a fresh slate and can control the narrative. Good luck and disregard any of the “noise” between here and graduation.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t know your exact situation, but in most normal communities, no one’s going to blame a minor for struggling with addiction at such a young age.
The blame will fall squarely on their parents. I’m glad you’re breaking free of this addiction right now before it completely wrecks your health in the future. In a mainstream world, you have nothing to fear from your counselor, but I know that may not be the case in some religious communities.
There’s a giant world beyond your community, however, and you should know that most people in that world are sympathetic and compassionate, especially towards minors. Everyone makes mistakes as a kid, and a smoking addiction is one of the lesser offenses out there.
All that aside, your ex has no right whatsoever to air your personal business. You’re right that he’s absolutely not helping you. He’s just trying to make you look bad in front of your teachers, and you’re absolutely justified in feeling the way you do.” SomeoneYouDontKnow70
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and your school isn’t going to punish you because you USED to smoke. You have every right to be upset at someone who is actively going around trying to sabotage you. And he also doesn’t get to tell you what friends you get to hang out with – that’s for the friends to decide.” TaliesinWI
6. AITJ For Blowing My Nose At The Restaurant Table?
“I (23F) was out having breakfast with my father’s side of the family for the very first time a few days ago. That’s right after 23 years I’m finally meeting my paternal grandparents and uncles/aunts/cousins. They are devout Christians and didn’t approve of my father marrying out of his white race to a Mexican.
They were terrible to my mother and actively encouraged and pushed women on my father to two-time her with. So not Christian enough to respect that their son was married under the eyes of God. When I was born a few years later they cut their ties.
So breakfast time. We are all sat at the table enjoying our meal when I have to blow my nose. I have several nasal issues including a deviated septum, sinusitis, chronic runny nose, and acid reflux disease. I’m a certified mess in other words.
So throughout the meal, I’m having to constantly clear my nose unless I want to salt my food with snot. Now I am self-aware and don’t blow like a banshee but gently and just enough to clear it up for the next 5 minutes.
I typically do this around family or friends and never for something important like a work-related meal or important event. Depending on how long the meal is, I can blow my nose anywhere from 20-50 times. I used to ask to sit at the edge of the table and get up to deal with my tissue issues but I’d often come back to cold food and wind up wasting it or holding everyone up because I would be the last to finish.
Over time I stopped that and just became as discreet as possible and place my tissues inside of my purse, I never leave them for the wait staff to take care of.
Now after the first few times during this meal, my grandfather snapped at me that I need to stop being so disrespectful and go to the restroom to clear my nose.
Under his breath, he included that obviously my mother didn’t raise me correctly and the rest of his family nodded their heads. I was planning on being courteous until he spoke about my mom. I explained my medical issues and that I understand it may be uncomfortable and I was being as respectful as possible but was not planning on going clear to the other side of the restaurant every single time I needed to clear my nose leading to a waste of a meal that I paid for.
I told him that if he had an opinion on how I was parented maybe he should’ve raised his son better since he decided to two-time my mom when she was pregnant with me and then abandon our family when I was 10.
And for the first time meeting his granddaughter, he sure had a lot of opinions.
I paid for my meal and left. I’m not apologetic for how I treated him and his family. I can easily go the rest of their life never meeting them again.
I might be the jerk for not leaving the table to clear my nose when I was asked to or just doing it out of courtesy.”
Another User Comments:
“ESH, especially your grandpa and family for being racist and bringing your mom into this.
But it is also a bit gross to be blowing your nose a ton at the dinner table since there is mucus and germs involved. Some people really care and some people don’t care so it’s better to err on the side of caution and just go to the bathroom instead of risking ruining someone’s meal. I also get a snotty nose whenever I eat hot or spicy foods so I just sniffle and go to the bathroom every once in a while to blow my nose.
If it’s people I’m very comfortable with and who I know don’t care, I will blow my nose at the table but I always turn my head away and use hand sanitizer afterward.” Sincamour
Another User Comments:
“I found your question intriguing so I went and did some Googling. There’s a wide, wide range of opinions out there, from nose-blowing being completely rude and disgusting to being “no big deal”. Based on your situation, and what I feel are the more moderate opinions out there: NTJ.
It’s going to be unpleasant to see someone constantly blowing snot rockets during mealtime, but I think if you try to avoid drawing attention, and always use tissues (never napkins) you’re good to go! Bonus points if you’re able to wipe instead of blowing loudly.
What IS rude is how you were treated. Embarrassing someone at the dinner table in front of others is impolite and mean-spirited. Questioning your upbringing is even worse. Grandpa is the jerk for sure.” StorytellingGiant
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it sounds like you were being very discreet about your sinus issues.
Turning away, blowing quietly, discreetly stashing your tissues…I can understand if someone imagines you loudly honking gargantuan boogies into a napkin right above your food they might find that uncomfortable, but that’s not the picture you’ve painted with your words.
I’m sorry that you not only have to deal with sinus issues – to the point that you can’t even eat a meal before it goes cold – but I’m even more sorry that your estranged family is so racist that they’ll find any excuse to run you and your mom down.” Immeasurable51
5. AITJ For Telling My Husband To Discuss House Decor With His Mom Instead Of Me?
“My husband and I just got the keys to our new house. We are obviously elated because we have a place to call our own, and we can decide what our future home will be like, or so I thought.
Recently, my superstitious MIL started to give her opinions on how we should place things (e.g., main door and altar) around the house to my husband when we did not seek it.
My husband being the mommy’s boy, then started off the topic of “my mom says… my mom says…”.
I know that she is doing so because she wants the best for us, but it really makes me angry because it is my husband and my house and no one actually asked her for her opinion?
Out of a fit of anger, I then told my husband that he should go and discuss how to decorate the house with his mother and not me, since she have so many opinions to voice out.
He was visibly angry at the comment that I made. But I stood my ground because he promised me that his family would have no say about the renovation works after I gave in to where we should place the main door.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Info: when he says “mom says this or that..” do you ask him what HE thinks? Does he ever mention HIS thoughts/opinions? Some people just feed off others’ suggestions sometimes (mom or not) and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it.
Personally, I feed off other people’s suggestions too sometimes because I can be indecisive and not as creative. Doesn’t make anything I do any less of me. Perhaps this is a similar case.” lightinmydark
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My partner’s mother tried to do the same with our first apartment.
We went to a well-known Swedish furniture shop and looked around and to whatever I looked at/showed my partner/wanted to buy, she was like “oh no not this.” We wanted a box spring bed. She was like “oh no these beds are awful, I don’t like them!” Well, it’s not YOU who should sleep in it.
It was so frustrating and annoying, first we ignored her and later we both told her off. She sulked and complained how rude WE were but oh well. She wanted to pay for the furniture as a gift (since she did this with her eldest too) but wanted to dictate what we got, so our apartment would have been a mini version of her house.
Oh and guess what exact bed she later bought for her new guest room?” Whysocomplicat3d
Another User Comments:
“Eh, NTJ. Honestly, if I were in your shoes, I would have asked, “Is this your mother’s house?” Which seems pretty close to what you said anyway, so good on you.
Mommy issues don’t get solved overnight, and are often a persistent problem that (in my experience) don’t easily get resolved with a calm conversation (but everyone is different, so my experience probably doesn’t mean much). But keep standing your ground.
If he’s mad about it, remind him that this relationship doesn’t include his mom. If he thinks it does, consider couples counseling.” DagrunOdinsdottir
4. AITJ For Demanding My Mom Pay For My Partner On Our Family Vacation?
“I (22f) am one of seven children. I am the youngest, and all of my siblings are over 10 years older than me. They all are married, but only one of them has children.
My dad left when I was 7, and none of us have heard from him since.
We didn’t go on any family vacations after he left because my mom was too anxious, and then by the time she wasn’t my siblings all had their own lives.
My mom decided last year that she wanted to go on a huge family vacation.
It’s out of the country and for 15 days. All of my siblings are going to be there, along with their partners. The vacation is next week.
I’ve been with my partner now for about 6 months, and I thought it was a given that my mom would pay for my partner to come too.
When I mentioned it to her she laughed thinking I was joking. She said it’s a family vacation where all of us are going to be spending actual time together for the first time in a long time and she doesn’t want to pay for someone she barely knows to be there.
I said this was unfair, and told her I refused to go unless she would let him come. She’s upset, and my siblings are all saying I’m a jerk, but I just don’t think it’s fair when all of my siblings’ partners are going.
AITJ?
Edit: my mom said no to my partner coming even if he/I paid. My mom is bringing a friend with her. I asked her last year if I could bring my best friend, who I’ve known since I was 4, and she said no.”
Another User Comments:
“Why is it your mother’s responsibility to pay for his way? You’re demanding son-in-law privileges for someone who’s barely more than a stranger to her. YTJ.
1. Her mum clearly wants this to be a family-only event.
Family includes spouses and children, not 6-month-long relationships where she barely knows the person.
2. This trip has been in the works far longer than OP has been seeing the partner.
3. She’s probably bringing her friend as emotional support considering this is the first trip she’s had with the family since the Dad walked out.
This point has some assumptions and mental gymnastics but I think it should still be raised regardless.
4. She’s the one organizing and paying for the trip, she can do whatever she wants imo. If I were OP I wouldn’t have even asked to bring my friend or partner and enjoyed the FAMILY vacation for what it is.
If I were OP’s partner I wouldn’t want to intrude as I am definitely still in unknown territory with her family at 6 months; I’d wish her a good trip and maybe ask for a souvenir. OP attempted to shift the goalposts and failed.” TR_Irisden
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Let’s break this down.
1. This is a big deal two-week vacation for the entire family, which has not gone on a vacation like this in at least 15 years.
2. Your mom is paying for EVERYONE.
3. Your mother really wants to do this.
She wants to gather her SEVEN children together and have a fun experience as a family
4. It’s a WEEK away and you’re only now discussing the partner coming? How long ago was this planned? Did you think the partner of fewer than six months was invited on the all-expenses-paid-by-mom family vacation?
5. Your mom has been the only parent that was there for you from the time you were seven. She had to weather the trauma of her husband abandoning all his children, including those who are adults. Is there no part of you that’s ok with just letting her have this because of everything that she has done for you?
Just not throw a fit about something and be the person who upsets everyone at the family vacation?
6. There are times in life when you gotta balance what you want against what it is going to cost, and every single one of your siblings is mad at you about this.
I would be so annoyed if a big family vacation was organized around SEVEN people’s calendars and my sibling kicked up a fuss and decided not to come a week out because her partner of six months wasn’t invited — a detail she had not even bothered to check on until the week before the trip.
I know you feel it’s unfair, but you are getting a free two-week trip with your whole family that could be a very special and memorable time if you don’t spend the whole time throwing an epic tantrum that some guy your mom has met twice isn’t along for the ride.
It’s just… It will be hard for you to come back from this one if you really decide to die on this hill.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The other “partners” are spouses and you’re talking about a partner of a few months.
He’s not entitled to be invited to the family vacation especially since your mom is paying. There’s a big difference between long-term partners and more recent ones for things like this. Like if it was a wedding, he probably wouldn’t be asked to be in the photos.
It’s not an insult, it’s just an acknowledgment that short-term partners can switch frequently.” madelinegumbo
3. AITJ For Letting My Toddler Laugh At My Sister's Mess?
“One thing hubby and I agreed upon very early was teaching our kid to clean up after himself, to save ourselves future headaches. We are a giggly bunch that easily laughs at each other and ourselves.
When hubby or I spill something we laugh and say “Oopsie! Mommy/Daddy made a mess! What do we do with messes? Clean them up!” Toddler quickly picked up on this and says it with us when we or he makes a mess.
He also cleans up after himself because of this routine and rarely needs to be prompted (although of course he sometimes needs assistance).
Anyway, this morning we were at my sister’s for breakfast, and she knocked over a carton of milk on her counter.
She looked upset, but my toddler didn’t notice and loudly laughed before declaring. “Oopsie! Auntie made a mess! What do we do with messes?”
My sister glared at him and then asked me if I was going to say anything about my kid laughing at her.
My son didn’t really notice and said “Do you need help, Auntie?” This annoyed her more. She started wiping up the spill, but she told me I should teach my son to be more respectful.
I said he didn’t mean any harm and it was part of our method for getting him to clean up after himself.
She said I should be careful I don’t end up with a rude child on my hands. I told her to lighten up. We ended up leaving early.
I know my sister was embarrassed, but I think she needs to chill and maybe learn to laugh at herself.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It’s great you’re teaching your kid to clean his mess. But you stated that the person who makes a mess first says “I made a mess. What do we do with it?” And after that someone’s answer is “Clean them!” Your sister did not ask.
She did not know your little ritual and your kid pointed to her that she did something wrong. And no one likes it. No one likes to be told they made a mess. She’s right. You should teach your son how to respect others.
It’s great between you and your husband, but other people should not be forced to like it. What if he told it to a complete stranger? Or another kid? How do you want them to respond? Your sister made a valid point and you told her to “lighten up.” It’s great that your son knows how to clean up after himself.
But you also should teach him how to behave with others. You dismissed your sister’s concern and made her look childish and standoffish. But nowhere up there she acted up on your kid. So she’s not childish. She also did not throw a fit so also was chill about it.
YTJ yes he’s just a child. But it’s your responsibility to teach him how to behave. And apparently, it’s you who cannot take a comment about doing something wrong and try to dismiss your sister and make her look bad.” Kitty-Cookie
Another User Comments:
“Meh. Your sister overreacted in the moment but I’m not a fan of teaching kids to laugh at people when they make mistakes/have accidents. As you can see, it has the potential to backfire horribly. So if a girl in pre-school pees her pants, your kid is gonna laugh at her heartily and then pull the (ugh – so condescending) phrase “what do we do …?” Blech.
I get your kid is a toddler but maybe cut the yucky baby talk and just, ya know, talk normally and matter-of-factly. “Darn, I spilled. I need to clean that up,” without the humiliating point-and-laugh. Not even sure why laughing was even introduced into this lesson to begin with.
You don’t have to laugh at yourself to not take yourself seriously. Furthermore, there are plenty of “mistakes” or “accidents” that need to be cleaned up or fixed that would be really inappropriate to laugh about. Now you’re in the difficult position of having to teach a child the difficult concept of “nuance.”” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“I’m gonna go with no jerks here because I don’t think she knew about your little thing with him. If I were her I’d take his words as condescending, but not as his words.
I’d think he was copying something you said so he was trying to talk down to her the way he hears you say it. Some people don’t like kids telling them how they’re supposed to do things.
This is something you should have de-escalated right away because not everyone is going to like the way he words it. This is on you to be the buffer so people don’t take it the wrong way. Good on you for teaching him this but maybe have a convo with them both about how it comes off.
I myself would’ve gotten annoyed at your kid too because I would’ve thought he was acting like he knew better and he’s only 2.” [deleted]
2. AITJ For Insisting My Husband Attend Family Dinners With My Newly Found Biological Father?
“I only found out 3 months ago who my real biological father is.
We had dinner last month and he invited my late mother’s brother who I hadn’t seen since I was 5 because that’s when I started living with my aunt and her husband, and they weren’t speaking until 3 months ago.
The dinner was incredibly awkward and I had a lot of questions I wanted answered but I didn’t know how to ask.
One of the questions I wanted answered was whether my uncle knew about the relationship between my biological father and mother before he started working with him and before he chose him over his own family.
I didn’t have the bottle to ask but my husband did. He could see I was feeling uncomfortable when they kept trying to drag me into conversation so to take the attention away from me he turned to my uncle and asked if he knew his boss was involved with his little sister before he became his boss.
It pretty much was the end of dinner because everybody was furious and he was finding it hilarious.
My biological father and his family want me to come for dinner again but they don’t want me to bring my husband because of what happened the last time.
Now, I can’t go without him because he helps when things get too much for me so I told them I wouldn’t come unless he could come too. Now they’re upset with me for forcing them to invite him and I know my half-brother has been arguing with my husband over texts for the last few days because of it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So you’re an adult now and they missed out on child-rearing and all the important stuff of watching you grow into the person you are today. Three months ago you discover all this info and agree to a meal including an uncle who seemed to abandon you also.
You felt anxious, you wanted to ask a question and your husband point blank asked. It made them uncomfortable. So very sad. I’m being sarcastic here. Their drama created this discomfort and it’s too bad they don’t like that your husband cares enough about you to pick up how you were feeling and getting to the point at hand.
Good for him. He’s a keeper! He’s a part of your life. If they want to be a part of yours, then he is a part of the package. Stand your ground.” Saraqael_Rising
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m with your husband thinking his question was perfect, and hilarious, in the moment.
You know he’s got your back and isn’t interested in a revisionist history, which would be one of my fears in your situation. The new “old” people in your life are interested in looking their best for how they turned out, and I get that, but if they’re not owning the bad behavior of their past up to the light as well, they can’t reasonably expect to build a relationship of any quality or sincerity with you.
Keep bringing your husband, and let the “family” know that you and he both will be asking those awkward questions that they want to gloss over.” tosser9212
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Your husband is a huge jerk for behaving that way.
If he wanted to take the attention off of you, the person they were interested in getting to know, he could have asked them normal questions about themselves, not purposely asked something so inappropriate for the setting. While the question should be answered, it should have been asked in a more appropriate setting.
They are jerks for their past stuff. You’re a jerk for trying to make them put up with your husband’s bad behavior again. He’s not “helping” by causing trouble. Helping would have been asking people about their hobbies or interests.” Sweet_Persimmon_492
1. AITJ For Not Wanting My Fiancee's Dad To Walk Her Down The Aisle?
“My (26m) fiancee’s (24f) dad (49m) and I don’t have a good relationship.
I’m not going to sugarcoat stuff, he and I don’t like each other at all. He snoops over every personal thing and acts like he gets a say. I admit I’m not a saint either but we just don’t get along.
I told my fiancee I will be limiting contact with him but she can visit, see, and talk to him whenever she wants.
Alright, so wedding planning has just begun. And we agreed on everything except when I found out that my fiancee was going to make her dad walk her down the aisle.
Now I understand that this is part of the wedding tradition but the thought of seeing him walking with my future bride somehow makes me feel uncomfortable. On the other hand, I also read about several brides having someone else walk them down the aisle.
So I told my fiancee about it and she was shocked, she said she couldn’t believe that I would be this selfish to try to dictate whether her dad could walk her down the aisle. She told me she loves him even if I don’t get along with him and she wants him as her father to walk her down the aisle and no one else.
She said I should respect her wish as the bride but I said that as the groom I wasn’t feeling comfortable with it.
An argument ensued and then she still said I was being unreasonable and selfish to expect her to agree with my request. She has been cold-shouldering me and now I feel guilty for opening up about how I felt.
AITJ for not wanting her dad to walk her down the aisle?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. “I told my fiancee I will be limiting contact with him but she can visit, see, and talk to him whenever she wants.” You don’t get to have any say about her contact with her family just because you have problems with them, it’s her choice to make and hers alone.
Don’t treat it as if you do. You bring up if things make you uncomfortable, and decide together how to approach it moving forward. But you didn’t do that here, you decided that since you were uncomfortable, she shouldn’t be able to have her dad walk her down the aisle point blank.
No discussion. Why?! He walks her down, hands her off to you, and you go about your business. This day is for both of you, not just about you. She expressed this would be important for her.” treatyourselftocats
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. That’s her father, the man who raised her. Just because you don’t get along with him doesn’t mean you get to dictate and moan that he gets to walk her down the aisle! You said at the start that ‘she can visit, see and talk to him whenever she wants’, but you obviously contradicted yourself there.
In fact, it’s quite worrying you would say that in the first place considering you have no right to ‘give permission’ to have her see him in the first place.” CheeseAndPasta97
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It’s not up to you who walks her up the aisle or gives her away just like it’s not up to her who supports you, like your best man groom’s party, etc. Don’t you think that it might be a good idea to sit down and have an adult conversation with her father before the wedding and discuss your feelings towards each other so you can hopefully start the next chapter of your lives together fresh without such a large negative stumbling block in it?
You’ll be seeing a lot more of him once you have children for instance I would think. It’s not worth having a bad relationship.” mylifeisadankmeme
