People Get Roughed Up In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
20. AITJ For Not Inviting My Niece And Nephew To My Wedding In France?
“My Fiancé (32F) and I (32M) are getting married next year. I am English and she is French, we live in England though. We decided to get married in the south of France in her home town as it’s a nicer place with better weather than the UK.
We told everyone our plans two years before so they could start saving and making plans as it would be over a weekend. We’ve got a huge farmhouse with bedrooms and clamping tents so all our family and friends can be in one place.
Friday to Monday, wedding on Saturday.
We decided we didn’t want children at the event and told everyone with 18 months to go that this was the case. Went to 121 with our friends that had children and explained this and they all said no problem….
Apart from my sister. She said that it was a family reunion and a family party and that her two children (time of the wedding 5M and 3F) should be invited. I said that this is our choice for several reasons. We don’t have children, our dog will be there and he is reactive to children so will cause us stress.
There’s an open pool so the venue said legally we’d have to hire a lifeguard if anyone under 6 is at the venue. We don’t like children, and we want my parents and family to be present and not have to care for kids.
It’s selfish on our part but this is the one day when we’d like everyone to just be present. Especially my parents who would end up caring for them and I want them to be there for me.
My cousin was married recently and he said that he was upset his dad spent the entire wedding looking after his grandson and didn’t speak to him.
My sister said that she might not be able to come as her husband (who said he didn’t want to come to the wedding) wouldn’t be able to look after the children (a whole other story – but not my problem). We gave her 18 Months to find a solution but we can’t do it for her.
Either way, it meant a lot to her so we compromised and said we would do our official ceremony in England so she could attend and be there with my niece and nephew so they were there officially when we got married. And our event in France would be a celebration.
That was how we met her halfway and she could still come to France and relax and have a few days drinking and having fun all paid for by us. She has since said that if her kids aren’t invited to France as well she won’t come to either event.
Our reply was fair enough. If you don’t want to attend either that’s your choice, you are still invited to both. Your children are invited to our ceremony in the UK but we won’t be changing our mind.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A wedding is not a family reunion and you gave her plenty of time to come up with a plan. If she won’t come without her kids just say you understand she won’t be able to attend and that you will mark her as a decline.” nerdyfitgrl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. We said no kids at our wedding, I had one cousin who didn’t obey and showed up (without asking us) with his young son. The kid was being loud during the ceremony right in the middle of our vows. Every time we rewatch our wedding video on our anniversary, we can’t quite make out a few words because of the kid.
It annoys me Every. Year. And I DO like kids, and I still wanted a child-free wedding, and that was my choice! Just like this one is yours!” bohemian_otter
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your dog is aggressive around toddlers, which I’m assuming your sister is aware of, it’s a really bad idea to force the situation.
And there will be an open pool? Disaster waiting to happen. Who will mind the children? Certainly, these duties will be left to others, and I’m sure people are looking forward to this child-free event since they’ve had two years’ notice. You have offered a compromise, which was already extending yourself too much, and she didn’t like it.
At this point, I would revoke the invitation. Also, a wedding *is not* a reunion. She is delulu.” tlrpdx
19. AITJ For Choosing To Live With My Mom After My Dad Wanted Me To Share A Room With My Stepbrother?
“My parents divorced when I (15m) was 4. My memory of them together is fuzzy and the normal to me is mom’s house, dad’s house. Mom’s house always felt more like home to me though. But we live with my grandparents so maybe that’s why and I always loved living with my grandparents.
I’m close to them. I never hated going to my dad’s house though and we were close until some stuff happened.
My dad introduced me to his partner in December 2020 and they got married in May 2021. She has three kids. Her oldest is 10, her middle kid is 7 and her youngest is 5.
The youngest is a boy and the other two are girls.
When we all moved in together I and her oldest got our rooms and the younger two shared. A few months ago my dad and his wife were annoyed because the 7-year-old hates sharing with the 5-year-old.
They don’t get along at all (neither do the girls) and the 7-year-old doesn’t like how clingy the 5-year-old is, and he is clingy. He gets nightmares and wants to share a bed and all kinds of stuff. But not with the adults. With his sister but he also asked me a few times.
Because the girls don’t get along and because the 10-year-old is a girl who is at an age where sharing with a brother might be awkward, my dad told me he wanted me and his stepson to share and he laid out the expectation that I would be there for my stepbrother for nightmares and stuff and to invest in being a good brother because he’s far more affectionate and longing for closeness that neither of his sisters give him.
I told Dad I wasn’t okay with any of that and I didn’t want to share a room with his stepson and be responsible for a closeness I didn’t want. He told me I had no choice and that I should want closeness because we’re family and I have the chance to have a brother.
The rest of that week he was in my (former) room and he tried climbing into my bed every night he would wake up once I went to bed (a light sleeper) and would chat my ear off.
Two years ago I was given the choice to stay at either parent’s house more permanently and with the changes at my dad’s, I decided to stay with my mom and not go to my dad’s for parenting time anymore.
Dad didn’t like it but he thought I’d come back around. I still haven’t been there since. My dad’s wife is furious because her son hates being on his own in the room all the time. She berated me real bad for that and mom told her to never contact me again when she heard it.
My dad told me I needed to stop acting like this and I came across as very entitled and selfish.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“The only one who is entitled and selfish is your dad and stepmother. It is not your job to parent his step-child or her son.
The other siblings don’t want to do it and they share parents. You are not related to these kids in any way and your dad expects you to do more for him than he is doing or the real siblings are doing. Tell your dad that he is supposed to be parenting YOU, you are not supposed to be parenting HIS stepson.” G0t2ThinkAboutIt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m not surprised the 7 y/o hates sharing with the 5 y/o if he behaves like that. Expecting you to parent your stepbrother is 100% not fair. Your dad’s wife is furious because she can’t get free babysitting from you. Glad your mother has your back on this, and sorry that your dad is not seeing your point of view.” TeenySod
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What they are doing to you is a form of parentification. It would be nice if you developed a brotherly relationship. They are pushing for you to be a parent. This is unfair to you and you need to distance yourself.
But what they are doing to that little boy is worse. He is experiencing some kind of separation anxiety. An issue that NONE of the minors in your family are remotely able to address. Your dad and his wife need to get that poor child evaluated and treated appropriately” KLG999
18. AITJ For Refusing To Help Fund My Bullying Sister's Birthday Gift?
“I (17m) have two younger sisters. Ava (15f) is younger and Rhea (14f) is the youngest. Rhea and I are close and I’d do anything for her, anytime. We can annoy each other and sometimes we fight but she’s one of my favorite people.
We’re the closest in our family by far. I can’t stand Ava. Rhea wishes they had a better relationship with Ava can be such a bully to Rhea.
Sometimes it’s like Ava wanted to be an only child. She’s worse toward Rhea which bothers me more than if she was that way with me.
But she can also be a total jerk to me. Sometimes it’s annoying little kid things. But she’s also quick to be more cruel. She can go from hiding my phone somewhere and refusing to tell me where it is (which led to a broken phone once) to ruining my homework because I wouldn’t “help” with hers, which is code for doing her homework for her.
One time she deleted my entire finished essay because I wouldn’t do her math homework for her. Another time she spilled water all over my assignment sheet. When we were younger it was worse because we got a lot of handouts and it was easier.
With Rhea, she’s way worse. She tries to humiliate her by telling kids stuff that Rhea did that others would make fun of her for, like when she used to have accidents when we were little or how one time puked all over Santa. Ava also outed Rhea as a lesbian before Rhea wanted to be out.
Ava wasn’t even told. She heard Rhea and me talking and decided to spill to people.
Our parents discipline Ava and they try to make it up to us. But I know they expect forgiveness when Ava doesn’t ask for it and that’s where this comes in.
Every year for our birthday we get one big gift and three much smaller ones. The big one always takes priority. Ava’s birthday is in a couple of weeks and they had to spend a portion of the money set aside for her big gift because we had a big plumbing leak.
So they asked me if I would share the cost with them so Ava could still get her big gift. They know I have a job and that I save money. So I get why they’d think to ask me. But for Ava? I said no. My parents told me they know we have our issues but she’s still my sister and they said I will make things worse if I don’t do this for her because she knows I would do it for Rhea in a heartbeat.
I told them Rhea deserves it, Ava doesn’t, and she doesn’t deserve it from me. My parents said they’d give me the money back in $50 each week and I said no way again.
They told me they were disappointed I would hold such a grudge against my little sister.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re not obligated to financially support your sister’s gift, especially given her history of mistreatment towards you and Rhea. Your parents can’t expect you to prioritize Ava’s desires over your feelings and financial well-being. It’s their responsibility to manage their budget and find solutions within their means.” Tenacious_Marie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Rhea sounds amazing. I’m glad she has you. As for your parents, I can understand why they asked. Tradition to uphold but bills to pay. But they *asked* because it is your money. You have every right to say no for any reason at all, and you have some really good reasons to say no.” BeMandalorTomad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – for refusing to fund Ava’s birthday gift, given her persistent bullying and lack of remorse toward you and Rhea. Your decision reflects a justified stance against her behavior rather than an unreasonable grudge. It is incumbent upon your parents to address the underlying issues in family dynamics rather than pressuring you to compensate for their financial shortfall.” VY_Canis_Majorys
17. AITJ For Cutting My Niece's Matted Hair Without Her Mother's Approval?
“My niece (8 yrs, we’ll call her Jenny) lives 9 hours away from us and is visiting our family for the summer. Her mom (my sister, we’ll call her Lexi) and her husband (we’ll call him Jason) are not the best parents and are honestly neglectful.
They have 3 other young children ages 6, 4, and 1. The only boy is the 6-year-old. Well, my niece Jenny is biracial and Lexi is Caucasian and she still doesn’t know how to take care of Jenny’s hair even though it’s been 8 years. Both Lexi and Jason rarely ever comb Jenny’s hair and it’s almost always tangled. The 4-year-old also struggles with the same thing.
I could go on and on about all of the things they’re doing wrong but that’s a whole other topic. DCFS has been called on them before due to medical neglect so yeah that’s just the basics.
So Lexi brought Jenny to my mother’s house and told my mother that there was some tangling in Jenny’s hair and said that she hoped we could get it out.
Come to find out the entire midsection of Jenny’s hair was completely matted. We attempted to get it out for days and we got a little bit of it out but to no avail. We knew that that matting didn’t happen overnight, it had to have taken weeks or even months for it to get like that.
We hadn’t seen Jenny in over 8 months so we had no idea it was that bad. We told Lexi and Jason that we couldn’t get it out so they suggested we take Jenny to a salon to get the matting out and they offered to pay.
So I took Jenny to the salon and showed them the matting and they were giving me dirty looks and immediately asked “How on earth did that happen?” So I had to explain that she wasn’t my child and that I was only trying to fix the problem so we set up an appointment.
The day of the appointment comes and I take her and they start to comb the matting out. Jenny was in extreme pain and was crying. The stylist suggested cutting it all out since Jenny would end up losing a lot of hair anyway and it would also save time and money.
Jenny wanted it cut and her hair was already thinning, she had a lot of split ends, etc so I said okay. Jenny fell in love with her hair, even though most of it was gone. Her hair went from shoulder length to above her ears but it looked a lot better and she was so happy about the matting finally being gone.
I showed Lexi Jenny’s hair and Lexi was very angry. She cursed me out and said I should have told her and that she didn’t want her hair cut. So I told her that if she took care of her child’s hair then we wouldn’t be in this predicament in the first place.
AITJ in this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“Firm believer in never cutting a child’s hair without parental permission, but they knew you were going to a salon to deal with the hair being so matted you can’t get it combed out. 1. They are neglecting that child, so they have bigger problems 2.
They gave you the responsibility and therefore the right to take care of her hair. You did. She loves it. NTJ at all.” WhoFearsDeath
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Jenny should not have had to cry in pain because Lexi wanted to her to have long hair but couldn’t be bothered to comb it for months.
Jenny’s happy with her hair and the problem is solved. Lexi’s whims do not trump Jenny’s bodily autonomy. You did the right thing. I’m glad you are there for your niece.” eefr
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. From the title of the post, I was ready to say the opposite, but it’s not like you sneaked the kid off for a haircut behind her mom’s back.
The mom okayed getting the matting fixed, and the only way to fix it was to cut it. I’m so glad Jenny has something she likes now and I hope she can learn to care for it with it shorter and more manageable since it’s clear Lexi isn’t going to.” anonymom135
16. AITJ For Not Letting My Best Friend's Fiancé Stay With Us Due To Our Past?
“So my best friend who I’ve known for years and have been more involved with his family than my own has hit a rough patch.
He lost his job and his health has been in decline. The medical bills are burning through his savings and it’s looking like he won’t be able to afford rent this month.
Now, I love him as a brother, more than any of my b***d.
His mother was always good to me and he hasn’t wronged me in any way that couldn’t be patched up. I would do anything for him. I’ve even offered to let him stay with me and I’d help him get healthy and back on his feet like his mother did for me in the past. But there is a condition, his fiancé would be on her own and not welcome in my home.
See, I also have a history with his fiancé. One that goes back further than the one between me and my friend. We went to high school together where she didn’t just bully me but went out of her way to ruin me and try to end my life there.
I faced legal charges due to her, physical harm because of her, complete and utter isolation because of her, and ultimately had to change schools because of her. All because I was the weird new kid who tried to make friends in her circle and tried to stand my ground against her.
She spread false lies. It was so bad I was attacked by other students and completely isolated. I even had to deal with the police when the staff caught wind of what I was supposedly doing.
Conveniently she doesn’t remember me or anything she did.
That aside she hasn’t changed since then. She’s been a terrible influence on him constantly trying to pull him back to be a loser like she is.
I’ve put up with her over the past year since they met and got together because I hope people can change and I want to respect my friend.
However anytime she’s around it takes a lot of effort to not be an outright jerk to her, to not act on the rage and trauma she caused me. I know I wouldn’t be able to tolerate her for 2 days in my home.
I recently told him about all the issues of the past between her and me when I gave him the stipulations for the first time.
So I want to help him, but he’s freaking out on me for holding what happened in high school against her now, especially given the situation. I’m trying to stand my ground but I can’t help but feel I’m failing him somehow because I can’t get over the rage and trauma she causes me.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Are you holding the past against her? It sounds like you are. Is that unfair to her? Noooooooo. People shouldn’t expect to treat others like rubbish and expect everything to just be OK in the future. Does it suck that this affects your best friend as well?
Yeah, it does, but despite how tight friends “should” be, you still need to protect and care for yourself first. If you put yourself, your health, your mental state, and your livelihood at risk, the resulting ruin will destroy any ability you have to help people altogether.
In a sick, twisted way, self-care is more important than the care of others, because it can enable you to help others when it’s needed. At the same time, you get to choose WHO benefits from your charity. You are not obligated to help anybody and everybody who crosses your vision.” neoprene.
Another User Comments:
“If your friend was aware of what this woman did to you in high school and still took up with her, his taste in women is as appalling as his lack of loyalty to friends. Of course, she can’t be in your house.
I’m amazed that you so much talk to her or allow her to be in your presence. You aren’t failing him. He failed you when he started hanging out with her. You are being a hero to offer to help him out, but keep her away from you.
Even if it means he won’t accept your help. Even if anything. NTJ” Nester1953
Another User Comments:
“NTJ A bit of name-calling? Yeah, you can get past that. Malicious allegations leading to being ostracised, physically harmed, and police involvement? It is not reasonable of your friend to expect you to allow the instigator of that into your home.
To be honest, I wouldn’t allow your friend to stay either, because he will want her to stay over and I’ll bet that this would creep into her spending all her time there. Sadly no good solutions here, stand your ground and keep your home as your safe space, and hope that your friend thinks about it and understands.” TeenySod
15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Invite My Sister On Our Family Vacation?
“This might get wordy fast, so I’ll jump right into it.
The plan was for my family of four and my best friend and her children to rent an Airbnb near the beach during fall break this year.
Unfortunately, when it came time to finalize plans she experienced some major events (a move and then the loss of her job) and, likely, she won’t be able to come.
My husband and I went ahead and rented the house anyway because we got a lot of early bird/off-season discounts.
I still hope she can come, because her children and mine are best friends.
However, I wanted to invite my older nephew. He’s 13 and goes camping with us all the time. Like of the last 14 trips we have taken, he’s only missed 3.
My sister, his mother, has never cared and has been grateful because she hates camping.
She isn’t a fan of tents, bugs, or the outside and that’s okay with me. My nephew’s father is not in the picture and hasn’t been since he was 4, so he’s latched on to my husband for a lot of ‘guy stuff’.
I asked Emmet along and he was excited and started talking about all the things he would like to try on the beach- ocean fishing, cleaning and eating what he catches, a bonfire, tidepools, etc. I reminded him that I would have to ask his mom for permission and he calmed down.
When I did ask my sister she went kind of quiet and said that she would like to go too. I said I would have to talk to my husband, but there are a lot of reasons why I don’t want her to go. She can be a Karen, and I’m afraid she would disrespect the rules of Airbnb and cause us trouble, she has the habit of leaving whenever she wants and staying gone for hours and the worst is she would have to bring my younger nephew Carson.
Carson is 3 and despises my younger daughter. He’s jealous of anyone not playing with him and screams at a pitch that makes my ears ring. He and my youngest fight whenever they’re with each other and it escalates to hitting biting and scratching.
My husband thinks that this might be a good family trip and maybe the young cousins will have so much fun they won’t fight but I doubt it.
One solution he offered was to have a weekend getaway at a cabin just to see how it would go but it would be 100% financed by us and I don’t want to pay for a free vacation for my sister and her family when she has never done anything for me like that.
She wouldn’t even cover my drink at a coffee shop, to be honest. But in my mind, having her and my younger nephew would ruin this vacation for me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Here’s what I would say to your sister: “I appreciate that you would like to come on the vacation, but all the beds are already spoken for.
We can invite one additional person and we’ve decided that person is your son. “If you’d like to take a vacation together at some future date, why don’t you come up with some suggestions and plans, and we can review them and decide if it’s something we would like to do.” Don’t explain how many beds there are, or how many people plan on coming.
Those facts have no impact on the availability of beds for your sister and her youngest child. Be careful to avoid getting into a debate with your sister about whether or not there’s room for them in your vacation, or whether or not you want to take a trip with your sister.
The minute you try to explain or justify anything, you will lose the argument. Your sister will come up with some reason that it’s good for her to go with, and that’s not what you want.” Literally_Taken
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not wanting her to go.
You have the right to decide who you want with you especially when vacationing. You can’t take everyone everywhere. Some people are the worst to travel with, eat out with, vacation with, etc. I have friends I like to do stuff with but would never travel with because they’re complainers & will ruin the mood for the entire trip.
However, why did you invite your nephew without checking with your sister first? Normally people ask the parent if it’d be ok to invite their child, then see if the child wants to go..BUT if that’s how you guys normally operate then I don’t see the problem.
It’s not like your nephew is a small child. If the sister won’t let up nephew go unless she is invited just tell them never mind & give up on the idea of having him there. Just enjoy the trip without them.” CaramelSlade
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your nephew has built up a special relationship with you, so it doesn’t seem odd to me that you’d only invite him. He has a big age gap with his sibling and an activity with your kids and a 13-year-old is not the same with an extra screaming 3-year-old.
As for your sister, she just shouldn’t have asked to come. If you asked about her son, that means he’s the only one invited, otherwise you’d have invited her too. Tell her it was a last-minute arrangement because your friend couldn’t come and you want to spend some special time with your nephew.
If she doesn’t want him to come, it’ll speak volumes about her ability to be happy for her son and deprive him of an activity he’s been looking forward to.” PandaCotton
14. AITJ For Refusing To Pay My Son's Step-Mother To Care For Him During Visits?
“Okay so before I start, I should say that my son is 5 – and only in the past 3-6 months has the father and his partner been consistent in his life.
Anyway – my son’s father sees him for two nights every fortnight. He picks him up late Friday night and drops him off early Sunday morning every two weeks. Now when he first started being consistent, I would offer money to make sure my son was fed and safe.
I only did this because, for the last 5 years, he would give excuses of “I have no money to feed him” or “I have no petrol”. My son adores his dad, so I offered the money so that he had no excuse not to spend time with our son.
After about the third time of being consistent, his dad said “You don’t need to offer me money anymore, I’m working full time and want to step up more”. I didn’t ask for child support, I never have.
Everything my son has, all his toys, all his clothes, all his school stuff, every experience he had – I have paid for and I am proud of that fact.
Fast forward to a month ago and I received a message from my son’s stepmum. (They aren’t married but have been together for three years, have a child together, and are engaged so it’s easier to describe her as step mum). The message said that it isn’t financially fair for them to have to pay for things my son wants when with them.
She has asked for $100 a night – so $200 a fortnight; to pay for his food, clothes, anywhere they go, and any toys he wants when with them.
I responded with, “If he wants a toy when with you, either you or his father can message me and I will happily transfer the money to one of you – as long as the toy comes home with him”.
She said it was “irresponsible parenting” on my behalf for not wanting my son to have nice clothes and toys when at his dad’s house and that anything bought with them should stay with them. I agreed and said anything THEY buy for him, should stay.
She then made a big deal and posted on social media about how I’m a bad mother and refuse to take financial responsibility for my son. I screenshot it sent it to his father, and explained the situation to him. He apologized and said he had no idea.
She then messaged me accusing me of trying to break up their relationship because I am a jealous ex and that she doesn’t think it’s right that she should have to “babysit” my child for free. I said that’s fine, if my son isn’t seen as part of your family and is just a child being babysat – then maybe the custody situation should be revised. I know it’s harsh because I don’t blame my son’s dad, I’m just at such a loss and feel like a major jerk.
Am I the jerk????”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But seriously… go for child support. You’re letting down your son by not holding his father to account for part of his upbringing, and that money is for your son, not you. You need to step up and advocate for him so you have the appropriate resources to give him the upbringing he deserves.” westwestmoreland
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but the stepmom is. Hope you screenshotted these messages also and sent them to the father. He wants to step up for his son? He should do so to his wife as well. Or remind his wife, that her husband would be legally responsible to be child support.
So if she wants money for two days every two weeks, you might do the same and go for child support for the other 12 days (not that you would do that, but you can use it as an argument), and you could go after the child support of the last three years.
If that is what she wants.” Trevena_Ice
13. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Financially Irresponsible Dad Rent Money?
“My entire life, my dad struggled with money, causing us to almost be kicked out every month. He worked delivery jobs with inconsistent pay and would take days off if he didn’t feel like working.
Then with help from my grandparents, we bought a house, and he started day trading, claiming it was just as hard as delivery driving but he figured out from studying how to make money from the market.
Unfortunately, we lost the house and learned he maxed out all the credit cards trying to pay the mortgage. We moved into a small apartment.
At the apartment, he was back to delivery driving, but we were ALWAYS late on rent. After a few eviction notices, he’d ask my mother to call my grandparents to cover the difference, promising to pay them back, which he did.
However, this created a cycle where he spent half the month paying back borrowed money, making us late on rent again.
My mother eventually saved enough from her job to secretly cover the rent, pretending she borrowed it from my grandparents. I didn’t understand why she pretended until I went to college.
When I entered college, I got a scholarship and thought we could break the cycle. I gave my scholarship to my dad to pay back the grandparents and cover rent for the month, hoping he could make the next month’s rent. Instead, he took two weeks off, claiming work was slow.
You guessed it… he borrowed money again. When studying full-time, I worked weekends to help with rent, which made me resentful but taught me the value of money management. I also had to skip class and learn through lecture notes because I’d struggle to pay for the train.
Made me super resentful.
After graduating, I got a great job, moved out, and bought a condo. My mom got a huge promotion shortly after and started making good money. My dad then quit his job…to day trade. I warned him it was like gambling and suggested he get a minimum wage job to cover his share of expenses, but he didn’t listen.
A few months after I moved out, he called with an excuse and asked for money to cover rent. I gave it to him (he paid me back). But a few months later, he asked again with a different excuse. I refused and told him to talk to my mom, leading to a huge fight between them.
Three months later, he asked again, wanting me to front the rent to avoid fighting with my mom. I completely refused, saying they needed to talk it out. He sounded stressed but eventually said okay and hung up. I do have the money, but I don’t want to get caught in this cycle again.
I feel bad for my mom, who will have to cover for him, and I also feel guilty for saying no and potentially causing a fight.
AITJ for not giving him the money?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve been more than supportive throughout your life, often sacrificing your own needs to help your dad financially.
Understandably, you want to break free from that cycle and focus on your financial stability. Your decision to encourage your dad to sort things out with your mom shows maturity and responsibility. Don’t feel guilty for prioritizing your well-being and setting boundaries.” lifesbetterunclothed
Another User Comments:
“NTJ “I gave my scholarship to my dad to pay back the grandparents and cover rent for the month, hoping he could make the next month’s rent. Instead, he took two weeks off, claiming work was slow.” You already went way above & beyond to support & help.
He’s just going to keep asking you & being irresponsible. You’ve got your future to think of. Your mom & he need to work this out between them. Sounds like he could also use some debt & money management counseling.” Apart-Ad-6518
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, honestly, it seems like your dad has a full-on gambling addiction, and maybe your mom should remove him from any credit cards or bank accounts so he doesn’t keep draining her money.
And your dad needs some serious therapy. But yeah, don’t supplement his addiction even if he pays you back all it’s gonna do is enable him.” Rov4228
12. AITJ For Installing A Lock On My Bedroom Door To Get Privacy From My Dad?
“I (19F) am home from college for the summer. This post concerns me and my dad (54M).
For as long as I can remember, my dad has been barging into my room without asking or knocking multiple times a day (and sometimes at night, since I’m a night owl and awake well into the early morning)—whether it’s to show me something, ask me to come down and hang out with him, to check on me, or even just to say hi.
Which was fine when I was a child, but became more of an issue as I aged.
It continued throughout my teenage years. He’d come in without permission, I’d beg him to start knocking since I could be changing; dealing with my period; etc., he’d apologize and commit to not doing it again, and then within days he’d do it again.
I even taped signs to my door to try to deter it. Nothing worked, and eventually, I just gave up since I’d be going to college soon anyway.
Fast forward to now, the same thing kept happening, and I just couldn’t take it anymore after having experienced a taste of actual privacy living away from home.
After the last unannounced visit, I told him if he couldn’t respect my privacy, I would get a lock installed. I think he thought I was joking—I wasn’t.
I called a service and scheduled an installation for when I knew my dad would be out of town for work.
I asked my mom (52F) in advance for permission, and she supported it—she knows I’ve been at my wits’ end with this for a long time. I have money saved up from my job, so paying for it wasn’t an issue. Nothing complicated, it’s just a little hook and chain.
When he got home, predictably came right up to my room, and couldn’t get in, he freaked. Started rambling about how dangerous this was, that he needed to be able to get in case of emergency, etc. I admit my medical history is unfortunately rather colorful, but just know the kinds of emergencies he’s referencing are *highly* unlikely.
On top of that, I’m positive that the lock is nowhere near sturdy enough to prevent someone from busting in if they need to. Besides, I told him I’d consider removing it altogether at some point if he could prove himself capable of knocking first.
My brother (17M) thinks I was a jerk for locking him out when he just wanted to spend time with me. I pointed out that he never gets barged in on, so he has no room to talk.
I’m a grown woman—I feel like I deserve a crumb of privacy.
I feel like I should be able to get dressed without constantly looking over my shoulder. I wouldn’t mind his visits at all if he’d just knock first. Still, even though I knew he’d be mad, I certainly didn’t expect this level of emotional distress, and now I kind of feel bad.
I didn’t mean to give him anxiety—I genuinely just didn’t know what else to do.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ it’s very telling that he only does this to you and not your brother, he’s treating you differently because you’re a woman.
He either thinks he’d ‘catch’ your brother doing something if he did it to him, or he’s TRYING to catch you doing something and silently giving you different rules because you’re different genders.” Fiigwort
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have demonstrated patience and sound judgment, and you asked permission from your mother (who isn’t willing to or able to get him to stop behaving this way.) His behavior is intrusive and inappropriate.
From his reaction alone it’s clear he has no intention of stopping his behavior, but you have told him if he does, you’ll remove the lock. My guess is he will remove it himself when you’re out of the house, btw. Good luck, OP.” onsaleatthejerkstore
11. AITJ For Refusing To Plan And Attend The Family Vacation?
“I (25F) am refusing to go on holiday with my mother and 5 younger siblings because I’m sick of being around them.
I’m not the best at explaining things so please bear with me.
My mom is a single mother and I’m like the ‘second mother’ to my siblings. I do everything for my family and have put my life on hold to help my mom out.
I do the school run and pay for almost everything my family needs. My mom isn’t able to drive because of a medical issue at the moment so I’m her driver too. I take her any and everywhere. Sometimes I feel like she doesn’t consider that I’m a human being with my own life and needs.
She expects me to drop everything whenever she needs me. There are things my siblings can do that she will always come to me for. She puts a lot of pressure on me to fix things in her life, this has been ongoing since I was a child.
I know my mom has some attachment issues but things have gotten way out of hand and I’m fed up.
I’m 25 yet she calls me constantly if I go anywhere. She tries to police where I can go and who I can be around.
She always tries to talk me out of plans saying things like ‘Why are you leaving me’. Even something as simple as working in a coffee shop she’ll be like ‘You hate us, you can work here why are you leaving your family’? Like what the heck?
I’m going for a few hours what is your problem? My siblings think it’s ridiculous that I even fall for it or listen to her but she’s going through a lot right now with her health I don’t want to stress her out more.
Anyway, I always plan family trips and we have a running joke where they all call me the family manager. My siblings say I act more like a mother than our mom does. She just expects me to plan this summer’s trip but I’m so behind in work (I’m self-employed) from dropping everything for her constantly.
I want to focus on myself and my business this summer so I said I don’t want to plan the family vacation this year. My 19-year-old sister is more than capable of planning it if my mom doesn’t want to. She blew up at me and was being moody with me all morning.
She mentioned that I would be paying for it anyway so why not just plan it and book everything? She thinks she’s entitled to my money because she’s my mom. She thinks she’s entitled to my time, that I’m selfish if I stop raising her kids for her etc. I’m fed up.
I want my own life I’ve wasted so many years looking after her and her children. It’s not my job. So I told her I’m not going this year. I’ll pay for it if she needs me to but I won’t be there.
She’s now in a state and is refusing to talk to me. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom is treating you too young and not allowing you to grow up. Part of raising kids is preparing them in life to leave the nest to eventually go on and live an independent life as adults.
She is not allowing you to do that. She relies on you too much for her own needs. It’s inappropriate. I think you need to come up with some firm boundaries and start employing them. Talk to her less. Explain you have, or want a life of your own as you are now an adult.
You need to start bowing out of these family events for a while. Let someone else plan it. Stay completely out of it. This dynamic of you being in charge needs to end as you navigate your way through your independent lifestyle. Deciding how you want to live your own life and not being dictated by others.
You deserve this freedom. When you enter your 20s you are an adult and can live your life as you feel fit and make your own decisions as an adult. She’s still treating you childish. She is acting childish herself too!! Some conversations need to be had” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Move out, and far away without telling anyone it is going to happen. Get yourself a good therapist and then allow yourself a life. I speak from experience, no one else’s child is your responsibility if the parents can care for the child.
Do not plan, go on, or pay for the vacation. If you want to pay for a vacation, take yourself away somewhere. You do not owe your mom money just because she is your mom, you also do not owe her your time or your life.
Your mother sounds emotionally manipulative. Do not fall for it, or you will be stuck for life.” Lego_Panda_Bear
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- Stop paying for things and save your money to move out. You do not have any children, your mother does. Don’t plan the vacation.
Don’t go on vacation. DON’T PAY FOR THE VACATION. Is there disability assistance where you are? If so, does your mother qualify? This is a situation where your mother needs to sort out her affairs and stop relying on you for money. Start making plans to get out.
Encourage the rest of your siblings to make plans for getting out as well so that none of them are in a position to replace you as your mother’s support person.” lostalldoubt86
10. AITJ For Accusing My Ex-Husband Of Faking A Terminal Illness To Manipulate Our Child?
“My (35f) ex-husband (34m) had 1 child (14). The kid has been in my sole custody since our divorce in 2013. He has never had a job or a stable home since I left. I did not push for child support because I did not want to make it harder for him to get on his feet.
I was always open for visitations. The kid used to even stay with him on weekends until about 7 or 8 years ago when I discovered Ex was living with a registered criminal. He didn’t realize either though and agreed with the decision. Even after he moved several times he stopped taking the kid, it was never brought up by either of us.
I have always tried to leave Ex’s relationship with the kid in his hands; he is an adult. I have never created any barriers (unless I legally had to). When he randomly showed up on my doorstep asking for money and fleetingly saying hello to the kid, I never nagged, I never painted it as bad.
Because I didn’t want it to weigh on the kid as a negative thing. I never spoke ill of Ex to the kid, the best I could, but I could not control that Ex would only show up randomly 4 to 5 times a year.
The kid is 14 now, and they don’t know their dad on any real level.
Their relationship is non-existent. It goes on like this until about 6 months ago when I moved across the country. I told Ex, even though there wasn’t much he could do about it, and he accepted it, making promises to visit the kid this summer. I was lucky enough to be able to fly the kid back home to stay 2 weeks with my sister who lives in the same area as Ex.
I told Ex that the kid would be in town if he would like to see them.
Instead of coordination, he showed up at my mother’s (who did not have the kid) and started going on and on about how he had a terminal brain injury and was dying, and that he needed to see the kid to tell them that he was dying.
When Ex left my mom’s she contacted me concerned.
I was enraged. I was so disgusted that he wanted to have this (potentially fabricated) tragic moment with his estranged kid about his impending “death” as like what? To make himself feel important to someone?
So..
I sent a long text to his partner’s social media messenger (because his phone is broken of course so we talked through her. Not like I haven’t dealt with that before.) I won’t quote it but I accused him of lying about his death for attention and wanting to hurt the kid for his sick fulfillment of feeling loved, and said if he said one word to the kid he would be cut off and blocked from all contact with my family, and once the kid was home he’d be blocked from their phone as well.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here to be honest. Dad certainly sounds like a dead beat and it is a very real possibility that he is lying to pity his way into your lives again, but it is also a possibility that he isn’t lying, in which case you just accused a dying man potentially trying to make amends of making it up.
Understand your instinct to protect your kid if he is just lying, but I think going in guns blazing accusing him of making it up was very much the wrong way to go, and may harm your relationship with your kid if it turns out he wasn’t.
At this point, I think you are better off just talking to your kid directly about this. 14 is young, but old enough I think to somewhat understand the situation with the father. You may want to just inform them that he is sick and may talk to them about it, but that they shouldn’t feel any pressure or responsibility to change how they act/what they do around him because of it, and that nothing is going to change at home.
When you have an unstable parent the best thing the other parent can do is just provide as much stability and support as possible.” KingdomKey10
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You have the background knowledge of the situation which is why you jumped to the conclusion that him faking it.
Not a great thing to assume, but there is a track record here with Ex. He’s a jerk for being a deadbeat dad (and much more IMO). But I will say, please pursue this more and find out if it is true. My father passed away when I was young, and everyone kept it from me even though I was old enough to understand what was going on.
It has made it very difficult for me to trust people in my later years, and my relationship/closeness with my mom suffered as a result. The kid deserves honesty from at least one of his parents.” throwawayanon387
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It sounds like you’ve gone above and beyond to handle this situation over the years.
Everything you’ve done sounds perfect to me. I guess the only question I’d have is, what if he’s telling the truth about his health? Would that change your mind in any way? It’s even stupid on his part because you told him he could have visited your kid.
He could have just shown up for visitation when you told him he could, and delivered his sob story to your kid then. I don’t get why he passed on that, and then went to your mother with the info. Probably either for more drama, or stupidity, or both.” Trick_Photograph9758
You are not the jersey, but do you even like 'the kid'?
It's obvious you are a super hero and you're allowed to create boundaries between the 'father' and 'the kid'.
I just hope you are also considering 'the kid's' feelings.
Your ex is a despicable person, but what are 'the kid's' feelings about all of this?
9. AITJ For Refusing A Luxury Purse Gift From My MIL Because It's Not My Style?
“I (27f) refurbish purses, both luxury and sentimental, as a lucrative side hustle. Sometimes I’ll also go to thrift stores and see if I can find purses that people have discarded and either sell them or give them as gifts. About 6 months ago, I found a black Latico Leathers tote that was in great condition and decided to keep it for myself.
I have a pretty maximalist aesthetic so I make it my own by tying various scarves and beads around the handle periodically. I love this bag and I love it even more that it only cost me $8.
My husband (28m) and I eat dinner at my MIL’s house quite often and she is the originator of the clean girl aesthetic.
Everything in her house is very white and minimal. Her style is also this way and she only wears neutrals. I say this because when I first came over with my new bag, she had said how loud it was.
From then on, every time we went over to her house she always made some sort of, “you still carrying that thing around everywhere?” comment.
It got to the point that I just started leaving it in the car.
A month ago, though, we all went out to a nicer restaurant and I brought my bag in, to which my MIL scoffed and said, “Please leave that ugly thing in the car.
It’s so embarrassing.” This struck a nerve and we had a little tiff over it, which ended with her commenting that she was going to buy me another bag so she didn’t have to look at mine anymore. In the moment, I didn’t take her seriously and I honestly forgot the whole comment entirely.
Last week, we went over for dinner at her house and she met us at the door with a huge smile. She grabbed my arm and rushed me to the other room and told me she had something to show me. There was a Kate Spade Perfect Large Tote in a yellow/beige color.
“Put it on!” she said. “Don’t you love it?” That’s when I realized that she had bought this for me and I said, “I appreciate the gesture, but if you’re going to get me a bag, it would be nice to go shopping together so that I can get something that is more my style.”
She told me that it was a final sale and when I told her that she should keep it for herself, she blew up and started calling me ungrateful. I told her I wasn’t going to take something that I wouldn’t use, let alone didn’t like and she started crying.
My husband and I left and he told me I should have just taken the bag and used it when we went out with her. For me, something expensive like that should be used by someone who likes it and it’s obvious she bought it to project herself onto me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As long as your bag doesn’t have something lewd or profane on it, she’s out of line asking you to remove it just because she finds it ugly. It’s inappropriate for her to try to project her aesthetic preferences on you.
This wasn’t just a poorly chosen, thoughtless gift where she was misguided but just wanted to get you something nice in good faith. This sounds more like her trying to make her specifically trying to alter your preferences to something she finds more “acceptable.” You shouldn’t have to do that, and you were right not to take it under these circumstances.” freerange_chicken
Another User Comments:
“So go out and buy her the loudest throw blanket you can find. Gift it to her on her bday or for Christmas and remark that her monotone interior looked like it could use a punch of color. Make sure to add “Don’t you just love it?!” NTJ and this was a manipulative move.
She knows it wasn’t your taste, it was HERS. The whole crying thing was so petty. Has she always manipulated your husband like this?” VeritasB
Another User Comments:
“For the life of me, I can’t understand how someone else’s purse can cause a person all this stress and drama.
So she doesn’t like your purse? That’s a shame, but at least it isn’t on her body. Continuously pestering you about it was rude and ridiculous. I can’t imagine how and why she let it bother her as much as it did, and I am jealous of the amount of time she has on her hands that this is what she can afford to focus on.
Her buying you this purse wasn’t a gift. It was an attempt at control, because if you had accepted it she would have considered it a slap in the face every time you turned up without it, which her hysterical reaction proves, and now you have to plan a whole outfit around the purse she gave you every time you see her, and now you showed her you CAN be bent to suit her whims. You were right not to take it.
As for your husband saying you should have taken it and worn it around her, I’d ask him what exactly gives his mother the right to dictate what *you* wear. Because that’s what she’s trying to do. NTJ.” Fleurtheleast
8. AITJ For Refusing To Attend A Family Dinner That's Actually A Set-Up Date For My Sister?
” I got a pretty last-minute request to go to a so-called “Family Dinner” that is a disguise that my dad did setting up my sister for a date.
Both families of both parties are attending. We are Asian by the way and I am not sure how Asian cultures work with this kind of thing because this stuff is weird. I say pretty last minute because it was last night.
My mom told me to go to that dinner and I told her that I was not going because I did not want to and she replied saying that she wanted me to go to “morally support” my sister.
Mind you, I am 25 and she is 27. I’m like this doesn’t have anything to do with me since it is a setup for her and why are you guys even setting up a date for her anyway? Let her choose, you can’t just choose someone you like because you like them.
My mom was like your sister has mental problems.
A little backstory, my sister does have little mental problems, she went to a psychologist a few years ago, about 3 to 4 and she was diagnosed with some kind of disorder that makes her childish or something.
I believe this is why my mom wants me to go.
So fast forward to late afternoon today. My mom calls me and tells me to start getting ready. I’m like I’m not going, this has nothing to do with me and I have no reason to be there since it’s a setup for my sister.
She tells me that I don’t care about this family, I only care about myself, I don’t care for others. She says you have bad qualities and this is one of them. You do know that don’t you? I just stayed silent and didn’t bother answering.
She then proceeded again to say just for today, she (my sister) needs you. I’m like no, I have no reason to go. She proceeds to say the same thing differently and gets upset. She is like fine, whatever, you don’t care about this family at all and then I hang up.
My grandma comes down a little while later and she is like what are you going to eat? I’m like I don’t know, I’ll figure something out. I ask her if she knows about the dinner and she is like yeah but I’m not going because this doesn’t need to involve me, it’s all about those two.
I’m like that’s exactly what I said to Mom and told her what she said to me on the phone. Grandma is like your mom is insane, this doesn’t need you, you are only needed when the right time comes which is much later in the future when your sister starts getting to know the man better and brings him home.”
Another User Comments:
“I think your parents want you there to have enough people present so it won’t look like a set-up for those two, but instead, just a gathering of two families. Your presence would make it less stiff and awkward, and more fun, as they would have more peers present.
If your sister does have disabilities, she may have more limited options for partners, and I see why your father is trying to set up more opportunities for her. You could try to assist in this small way. You will help your loved ones look less desperate.
No jerks here.” Euphoric_Travel2541
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, don’t get me wrong. I can understand that every culture has its traditions and customs, but like anything in life, you can’t force people to participate. Unwilling participants ruin the mood as it is so I don’t know or understand why they would want to force your attendance.
Grandma sounds like the only reasonable person you’ve got in your family lol” NoNecessary224
Another User Comments:
“Having more people there buffers the awkwardness in the conversations between your sister and this man and others present. Do they at least know they are being set up like this with their families watching their every move?
I’d stay away and hear about it later from my sister. Her take on this should be interesting. See if you can talk to her before your mom starts recounting and blaming you for not being there.” WaldenWould
7. AITJ For Being Upset Over My Husband's Joking Response To My Mother's Terminal Illness?
“My husband (51F), Jeff, and I (49F) have been married for 11 years. Due to a variety of reasons, as a couple, we’re closer to his family than mine while I still maintain a very tight relationship independently with my immediate family. Recently, my mother was diagnosed with a terminal illness with less than a year to live – we’ve been dealing with multiple hospital trips, doctor visits, logistical nightmares, and adapting to the reality of her impending passing – my family and I are an emotionally mess and it’s been tough.
Late last week my husband was speaking with his family about upcoming travel plans. He was questioning his availability due to my family situation which his dad, my FIL, rephrased – perhaps jokingly – as him not being able to go due to him needing to “babysit” me during this trying time.
Jeff joked back saying “yes, he always needs to babysit me”. This struck a bad chord with me, felt like both Jeff and his dad minimized the gravity and impact of the situation, and was insensitive, to say the least. Quickly after that, my FIL decided that now was the right time to tell me that we need to ensure that the family’s financial future is discussed and that I should work to ensure my Mother’s estate will go into a trust for my brothers and me instead of a will due to the probate court, etc. While I don’t disagree, I felt this was ill-timed, advice my siblings and I are already aware of, and frankly, none of his business.
After the discussion, I told Jeff how I felt about these two interactions. He reacted with anger, told me that I was being too sensitive, that they were only joking with the babysitting comment, “that’s just the way his dad is” about the finance/will discussion, and then stormed off.
Ultimately, I shared that I needed more sensitivity and to please be more careful about the words being used – this is new territory for me emotionally so I am more sensitive than usual. He reiterated that it was only joking and that is the way my FIL relates.
We reconciled.
Tonight because we weren’t in a heightened, angry state, I wanted to express my feelings to make sure we were on the same page. I calmly reiterated that I don’t want his parents to think he’s not traveling due to my Mom’s situation and that I’d like to avoid any discussions about finances at this time.
He blew up, reiterated that it was a joke, it’s the way his dad relates, and that he doesn’t need me to keep bringing it up (I haven’t since the night of). It ended with him storming off again, us sleeping separately.
I’m feeling like I’m in the wrong for how the “babysitting” comment and the advice about the estate documents struck me, and that I was in the wrong for reapproaching the topic tonight with what I thought would be cooler heads. AITJ? Should I expect more sensitivity from Jeff or am I being too sensitive?”
Another User Comments:
“Nope. You only have one mom, she’s dying and they want to joke about it and intrude on your family’s financial/inheritance choices. They are very much the jerks. I don’t like your husband or his dad to be honest. If it were my mother (who is dying right now and has dementia as well) and my wife and father-in-law, I’d seriously consider ending the relationship.
That’s appallingly insensitive. How will they be when she dies? Making jokes about how weak you are when you mourn her?” Farvag2024
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, that was harsh and unkind. About the Trust, and the will. Yes, I know it must be difficult to think about now.
But if things end up in probate court it can take years and can get expensive. I would look into that ASAP. I hope you can get everything in order, his approach was so wrong.” Unhappy-Field-4636
6. AITJ For Accusing My Overweight Dad Of Jealousy Over My Fitness Routine?
“My dad is quite overweight. We are the same height, but he weighs about 50 pounds more than me.
He has a bulging potbelly, a very short neck, and a chubby face. I work out regularly and that’s why I’m fit and in shape. Recently my dad has been more hostile toward me, repeatedly commenting on my appearance and diet. He said that I need to eat more (he eats a lot at meals and for snacks, whereas I eat a moderate portion), and he says that working out every day is bad for my health.
I just do 20 minutes of cardio and free weights mostly at home, but he says that too much exercising will ruin my body. He even scolds me when I occasionally skip a meal because I’m not that hungry. What he says has been getting on my nerves lately.
Last night I was going to the basement to exercise, and my dad told me that I already exercised every day for the past 6 days. I said that I like to work daily, and he said that I am going to end up like my sister (18f), who developed an eating disorder in middle school and because of that is short and underweight up to this day (though she recovered around 9th grade).
He said that for a long time, she ate just 1 or 2 meals a day, and spent 2 to 3 hours exercising each day. (In fact, I only skip a meal once in a while, and I exercise about 30 minutes per day). He kept saying that my behavior was unhealthy and that I needed to take a break from exercising and not obsess over my appearance.
I explained that I’m not obsessing over my appearance, but I just want to stay healthy de-stress regularly, and maintain heart and lung strength. He still said that I am giving him flashbacks to when my sister had an eating disorder, and he said that he cannot repeat this mistake.
He said that if his children have eating disorders, it reflects on his failures as a parent. I reiterated that I don’t have body image issues and that I just value physical fitness.
He kept lecturing and criticizing me, and finally, I told him that he might just be jealous of my appearance because of how much he has been commenting on it lately.
I said that if he wants to be healthy he should eat less and exercise a few times a week, and that it’s better to be fit than overweight or underweight. He got really angry and said that he cares about me and doesn’t want me to have disordered eating or body image issues and that it’s a red flag that I exercise every single day.
I said that I work out because I care about my health, not so much my appearance, and that if he was in shape he wouldn’t have been so sore about it.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for this bait where you describe someone in the most unkind, unnecessarily nasty terms possible, in great detail, and then try to make that person out to be The Bad One.
Here’s my more detailed response. Still YTJ but more nuanced than that. Your dad went about this in the wrong way I think, no question there. That said, as someone who has lived with disordered eating for 3 decades, which started largely because I watched someone else close to me live with an eating disorder, I do think his concerns are legitimate.
I hope sincerely that you will spend some time reflecting on what he MEANT, and that you’ll move forward with it in mind in whatever way feels best for you. I hope it’s something you’ll grow out of. I wish you all the best.” Few_System3573
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for the way you talked about your father and the general lack of love and respect you seem to have for him. He watched his other child almost die and doesn’t want that to happen to you. He might be uninformed on the subject but he loves you and is worried about you.
You are a huge jerk. You don’t have to change your habits but the lack of love and respect you have for your father who seems to love and care for you is so sad to see.” Kod4ever
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here – Sounds like your Dad doesn’t know what he’s talking about and is just being a clown.
However, I think your attitude is excessive for a conversation with your father, who is still supporting you if you’re living in his house. I think you’re right to correct him, but you should do it more constructively, pointing out the benefits to him, and if you wanted to wind him up a little bit you could start trying to encourage him to join you and show him evidence of how it will benefit him.
He’ll hate it, but you might be able to educate him and annoy him at the same time. If my son spoke to me that way when he was 20, I would kick him out of my house. Mind you, if my son wanted to work out for 30 minutes each day I wouldn’t criticize it, I’d view it as a good thing.” R***********3
I think you need to seek therapy, too. Projection probably has to do with your routine. Nothing wrong with that.
Look out for yourself. As far as the way you reacted: sounds like stress. Doesn't matter whose to blame. It happened, both discuss and apologize, then move on. But do so in a way that demands respect kindly.
5. AITJ For Kicking Out My Friend Who Keeps Trying To Set Me Up?
“I’m not a person who brings things to the internet but I just really want opinions from people who don’t know the people involved.
I have a friend “Jess”. I’ve known Jess for a couple of years, through another friend. We’re all in the same group of friends which is a group of 7.
For the past year, Jess has been trying to convince me to be in a relationship, even though I have no interest in it. My ex was the only person I’ve ever been with and I never had any interest in relationships before or since.
We also share a child and being a parent is demanding enough.
Jess is always inviting me to dinner parties and trying to set me up with guests, suggesting people I should go out with, etc., and it drives me up the wall. She is well-meaning, she is a hopeless romantic and wants me to be happy and I get that but she won’t let up no matter how many times I tell her to leave it.
That’s the context.
On Saturday, I hosted a small gathering at my home. My ex was also at the party since we have mutual friends. There were less than 20 people in total. I saw Jess arrive with someone and thought it was a companion.
It was random, since I hadn’t said plus ones were welcome but whatever.
But when Jess came over and introduced her “companion”, it turned out it was another guy she wanted me to meet. I was…not surprised, but still extremely annoyed. I organized this evening to just hang out with my friends and here Jess goes again, doing the thing that I asked her not to do that she knows causes me stress.
Side note – how the heck did she think I was going to be getting to know a man in front of my ex…awkward much? It just felt so obnoxious of her to disregard my expressed feelings in my own home.
I told Jess that she and her friend had to go.
I apologized to him but said Jess had brought him here under false pretenses, and due to her behavior, she was no longer welcome in my home so he wasn’t either. Jess was taken aback and started apologizing. Eventually, my ex came over and told her to leave at which point she started crying.
Everyone saw what happened and tried to defuse the situation but I wanted her gone and she left.
Since then, Jess has reached out to apologize but also say I overreacted and used her typical excuse of wanting me to be happy. No one has spoken to me about it directly but I know from my ex that a couple of our friends think I was harsh to kick her out.
I get that it was dramatic, but I feel I was justified.
I just want some third-party perspective on whether I went overboard before I approach a conversation with Jess.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Even if Jess does mean well, she’s disregarding what you’ve specifically told her, which makes her a bad friend.
She’s projecting what she would want onto other people. She thinks she knows better. If she just found the right guy for you, you’d change your mind, but life isn’t a romantic comedy. All she’s going to do is lose you as a friend. I’d tell her if she ever even mentions you being in a relationship again, let alone try to introduce you to another guy, you two are done.” SoMuchMoreEagle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you didn’t overreact. Jess, and others telling your ex you were harsh, either forget or don’t know that you’ve been telling Jess to stop for a long time. This is one of these situations where you tell someone respectfully to stop a behavior and they keep ignoring your boundary so you have to figuratively hit them over the head with it in a more confrontational manner to finally get through.
Then of course they cry victim and claim overreaction. Also, her statements that she just wants you to be happy are BS. She cares more about trying to force you into something that you don’t want than your happiness. My guess – what would make you happy is never hearing Jess mention being in a relationship again.” sharethewine
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Given that she repeatedly does this despite your objections, I think your reaction was entirely appropriate. Not to mention, that it’s extremely condescending of your friend to imply that you need to be in a relationship to be happy. There are plenty of very happy people who are not in relationships.
That viewpoint alone would infuriate me and make me question her friendship.” Diligent-Mind-9370
4. AITJ For Complaining About A Misdelivered Package That Led To The Delivery Guy Yelling At My Friend?
“My penpal (20F) lives in a different, far away city from me. She was looking for a UV flashlight to help her with her final assignment in chemistry, which unfortunately couldn’t be found near her.
She then tried looking it up online and found one in a store in my city. However, the shipment would take about a week and she needs it ASAP otherwise she can’t make progress with her lab research.
I suggested taking the fast shipment so it could arrive in one day, but she could not afford to pay for the more expensive shipment.
So I just did what I thought I should; I ordered and shipped the item to her using the fast shipment for her. She was grateful and I was glad it was resolved, and all we had to do was wait for the next day for the item to arrive.
Or so we thought.
The next day, the shipment app showed the notification that the package had arrived at my friend’s dorm. I told my friend about it but when she checked, it wasn’t anywhere to be found. Porch theft is not a thing here so we didn’t think about it at that moment.
She asked if the shipping courier uploaded a photo proof of the item being delivered and I showed her the photo. It wasn’t her dormitory. Or any other building near her location. We were so confused, where did they send the package to?
So I made a complaint to the shipping company asking them to investigate the case, because my friend needs the item.
Thinking her research gets delayed causing academic problems for her made me anxious.
Now, this isn’t the first time they sent her package to the wrong address, so while complaining, I also brought up the issue of the previous incident. I did not shout at the person on the phone (I’ve learned a lot about customer service experiences so I tried to behave), but I did sound a bit desperate and distraught.
I asked them to handle the case as soon as they can.
Today, my friend was contacted by apparently the person who delivered the package yesterday. My friend was a bit shaken because the man called her on the phone and he was angry at her!
He claimed that he did deliver to the right address; it’s just that he uploaded the wrong photo proof and uploaded a photo of someone else’s house instead. How could we know that? I think the company reprimanded the guy, that’s why he’s really upset and scolded my friend.
My friend is soft-spoken and she is not confrontational, so the call made her confused and she cried afterwards.
I feel bad about it; I should have been the one on the call with the delivery guy and sorted things out because I was the one who made the complaint.
But at the same time, I don’t think we are in the wrong. We didn’t know what was going on.
Am I the jerk for making conclusions right after knowing the photo proof is not the right address and complaining to the company, making the delivery guy angry and shouting at my friend?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friend is very sensitive. That’s not your fault. You were the one who shipped the package from your city, so when it didn’t arrive, you were the one to call them and complain. I would be calling them back and filing a report on this delivery guy.
He said he posted the wrong photo. But you couldn’t find the item. He delivered it to the wrong person. You were simply fixing their mistake. NTJ” Foreign_Company6090
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because it was a kind act in the first place. Friends like you are wonderful, thinking about the welfare of your mates is what makes you a good person.
How could you know about a wrong photo? The guy sounds semi-competent to me, so if he gets reprimanded, that’s his fault. He should lift his game.” IcedLenin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and honestly it freaks me out that the delivery guy was given access to your friend’s phone number.
That’s very unsafe as it can lead to situations just like this one. That being said, your actions did not *cause* the delivery guy to call and yell at your friend. That was a choice *he made*. You’re not responsible for anyone’s actions but your own, and in complaining about the missing delivery, you were doing the right thing.” Intelligent-Pay-5028
3. AITJ For Not Wanting My Husband To Share Our Childhood Love Story?
“I (27F) have been with my husband (33M) for 3 years, married for one. We met through work and started talking because we found out we both grew up in the same small town.
A couple of months after getting married, we bought a house.
During the moving process, I found a bunch of old photo albums full of my childhood photos I had stashed away. We spent a night going through them and at one point flipped to a photo of me age 10/11 at the local pool in our hometown, standing next to the lifeguard tower with a male teenage lifeguard sitting in the chair.
When we flipped to it, it made me laugh and I told my husband the story behind it.
As a kid, I had a huge crush on the guy in the photo. For 3-4 years, I would spend every summer doing “cool” things in the pool (read: uncool things that little me thought were going to make him fall in love with me?) like underwater cartwheels and handstands.
The photo was taken during one of my last trips to the pool before my family moved, I had begged my mom to take it because I was never going to see him again.
It turns out I did see him again. Not only that but I married him.
My husband is the lifeguard I had a crush on growing up. We found photos in his albums of him working and it is 100% him. He said he even remembers me a little bit because he whistled at me once for running on the pool deck and I burst into tears (I did).
We laughed and told our parents and then at some point just moved on, until last week when I heard him mentioning it to some of our friends at a July 4th party. He wasn’t making fun of me or teasing me, just explaining that we had this invisible string connecting us years before we ever met, but I didn’t like other people knowing about it.
Not because of my husband or anything, but just because it’s embarrassing for me to think back on the stuff I did as a kid thinking I was impressing the cool older lifeguard in my gaudy neon print tankini.
After we went home I asked if we could keep this as a fun secret just between us as it’s a little embarrassing for me to tell people I acted like that, even though I was just a kid.
I know a lot of young girls do the same thing but I told my husband I would be more comfortable if it wasn’t a story we shared with everyone.
He got upset and said it’s not fair for me to want to keep it hidden because it’s his past too.
He said it feels like I’m ashamed of him and I’m being unreasonable for not wanting to share this with other people.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I’ve known my husband since we were young too and I have no issue telling anyone about it.
Neither does he. And believe me, we both did things back then that would make your antics seem tame by comparison. So stop worrying about it so much and just realize that you had a special connection even then. Which is nothing to be ashamed of.” Old_Inevitable8553
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – It is a cute story and everyone on the planet has done things that they thought were great at the time and turned out to be embarrassing later. Honestly, I think you are overthinking it but it’s your right to do so.
In my mum’s house is a picture of her five-year-old self standing next to a seventeen-year-old marine recruit who’d come home before being sent to Vietnam. They’re at an ice cream stand and he’d just bought her a new cone because she’d bumped into him and dropped hers.
His older sister took the picture because she swore you could see my mum’s hero worship all over her face. When she was thirty-two she married him.” GothPenguin
Another User Comments:
“Gentle YTJ, this is your shared history. It’s not fair to ask him to pretend it doesn’t exist. How often do coincidences like this happen in life?
You two have a truly unique, and sweet, origin. I also can’t imagine your friends or family belittling you for a girlhood crush on a boy. As you said, most of us do have those embarrassing memories. Perhaps the way to go about this is to share that you crossed paths in childhood at the summer pool and that you had a crush on him, but leave out your antics trying to get his attention.
Maybe this will be a compromise that works for your husband. He still gets to share the “meet cute” and you’re spared from recounting your early attempts at flirting.” BluePopple
2. AITJ For Asking My Unemployed, Moody Husband To Leave Home?
“He worked for a company that shut down on the 20th and has been extra cranky and rude while job hunting and fighting battles of self-worth in his head despite anything I have done to try to offer kindness and understanding and reassurance.
Including making him a nice resume and applying him for many jobs. He has also applied for jobs and done his part with all of that.
I have also worked every day because of this, including weekends since June 20th without a day off to try to make up for however long he will be unemployed. So it’s been a lot of stress, and my job is already extremely high-stress and commission-based.
So I had a final doctor’s appointment before our insurance runs out today regarding my medication follow-up for ADHD and anxiety. Buspirone and guanfacine.. nothing crazy but super helpful for me. Especially with how much work I have been doing. If I didn’t go I wouldn’t get refills at all, even if I end up having to pay them out of pocket.
I have incredibly bad white coat syndrome that probably stems from diagnosed health anxiety and so I asked my husband who had nothing else planned at the time, no job interviews, etc, to please come with me to my appointment to help me manage my anxiety.
He agreed, and despite him being on his phone playing games the entire time and shutting me down anytime I tried to talk to him, I was just thankful to not be there alone.
Well my b***d pressure reading was pretty dang high, as it always is when I go to the doctor, and so I told him when I went out and he said it’s my fault and that I purposely find things to worry about.
His tone was not just callous, but like someone who just absolutely despises you. There was not any kind of comfort or even care despite knowing how horrible I felt at that moment. It was one of the most cold responses from him to date.
I told him that I didn’t want to be so anxious and that I was trying to manage it, but there have been A LOT more stressors lately, including his constant attitude.
I told him I was at the point where I could not take it anymore and asked him to please go stay with his parents, which he refused to do.
I told him that I had never felt more hated by someone my entire life.
Am I the jerk for not giving a bit of lead way with how stressed he also is?
He has suspected but not confirmed bipolar disorder and takes medicine that doesn’t seem to do much of anything.
Even before we lose insurance soon, he has refused to try to alter his medication in any way and has completely forgotten it on occasion. I can’t tell if I’m just so exhausted that I’m hyper-focused on all his bad qualities or if I’m just fed up.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You should not be required to manage a grown man’s emotions. You need an attorney to file for divorce yourself. You need to find out if he has a claim to the house. Honestly, I’d be willing to sell and move to an apartment just to get away from this guy.
There’s a theory out there that most men don’t even like women – they just like all the benefits of having a relationship with one. The amount of contempt my ex could show for me and the lack of care for me, Jesus, it chills my b***d.
I don’t think he ever really loved me or even our kids at all. I’m free though – I came out the other side of the divorce and I’m happier than I have been in a long time. If you decide to do it don’t hesitate to call the cops if he starts one of his screaming tirades, better still if you can dial and then get his screaming on the 911 recording.
The cops won’t have any doubt about who the aggressor is and you can ask them to make him leave and file for a protection order. That gets him out of the house at least. Have a friend or family member on standby close by and stay with you for a few days if they can.
The most dangerous time in a woman’s life is when she’s ending a relationship with a man.” Alternative_Fox_7637
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here instead of time apart the two of you need to learn that you can conquer anything together, when both work towards the solutions or work on a path forward the task becomes easier.
Been where you are and my husband was 50 with a visual impairment. Took a long time but we conquered that hurdle. I couldn’t imagine telling him to leave and go elsewhere simply because I was tired of his mood.” many_hobbies_gal
1. AITJ For Wanting A Courtesy Text About Strangers In The House?
“I (23F) live with my mom (46F).
My mentally abusive stepdad passed away a couple years ago and now it’s just her and I that live here. They bought this house about 12 years ago and I’ve lived here the whole time. Maybe 3 years leading up to my stepdad’s death, my mom and I never talked because all she wanted to do was listen to audio books and scroll through social media.
After my stepdad passed it felt like we were getting closer and things were happier. She realized that I was right about my stepdad being mentally abusive but then acted like it only happened to her even though I was the main target since she was never home.
She even told me that she only married him so that she had someone to take care of me and my brother and that by picking him, she was just taking a shot in the dark. She met this guy, let’s call him Tim, around her age in the beginning of 2023 about a month after the funeral. Tim moved in about 2 weeks after they met and it was fine until they started screaming at each other and he would come to the house intoxicated and even moved in his three kids (one wasn’t actually legitimately his) from a previous relationship.
Tim then convinced my mom to let his brother stay here for a bit after getting out of jail on bond. He never told us about the brothers past and completely lied to everyone why his brother was in jail. Turns out he was also abusive!
Anyways, my mom keeps letting people from Tim’s family come over and not telling me anything about these strangers coming over including the brother staying with us. So we don’t find out about the brothers past until after Tim gets arrested for trying to hurt my mom in front of me while intoxicated in the house.
This whole time my only complaint was wanting a warning about people being over just as a courtesy. She didn’t even tell me that Tim or his kids were moving in. Tim and his various family members don’t come over anymore after he got arrested but she is still seeing him.
She only doesn’t bring him around anymore because the family would disown her for letting him be around me or the younger kids in the family that one of us will babysit.
I understand that it is her house but AITJ for wanting just a courtesy text telling me there will be strangers in the house when I wake up?
I am leaving some stuff out to keep my identity anonymous and I understand that there is a lot here as well but that’s just how chaotic it can be. If anyone needs me to clarify anything, I will try to be active and please be nice.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Move out?” Aggressive-Mind-2085
