People Remember Their Worst 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
20. AITJ For Wanting To Keep Part Of My Future Salary To Myself After Supporting My Family Financially?
“I am 24F, I have been working in the IT industry for the past 2 years and used to earn a decent amount of money.
I took the responsibility of my brother’s dorm and food as he was going to start college to help my family share the burden of money. I was always a good student and a good daughter to my parents. I used to listen to them before and still do, especially to my mother.
It’s been a year since my father passed away and all the family responsibilities came to me. Without hesitation, I said I’d be there and my mom shifted in with me. When she came to live with me, I had to get a new home and buy all the things.
I even paid for my father’s funeral expenses. After a few months, I got a good appraisal at my job and as my father had a few debts, I paid them all. Then I used to give more money to my brother so he could live the life he wanted and I dreamed of living while I was in college.
I spent more money on my mom too, whatever she likes I used to buy it. I used to pay my brother’s college fees and my mom had a condition that I should put some amount in her bank account and I used to do that too.
In the end, I never had any money left for me. I never said that my brother should get a part-time job and at least he should earn money for his expenses. My mom was always a housewife and she never worked in her life so I never expected her to work.
I never bought any clothes or things for me. I had an old phone that I had been using since my college 2 years and at work, my colleagues used to laugh and tell me I should throw the phone and buy a new one. After thinking about all the expenses for more than 3 months, finally, I finally decided to buy an iPhone for myself.
I was so happy at that moment as I got something for me. After 5 months because of office politics (I think I have to write another post for it), I lost my job.
The reason was as a woman, I told my manager and tech lead that I would not listen to their unusual commands and now I have no job.
My mom keeps taunting me through my brother saying you will not get any respect if you don’t have a job or money with you and keep saying things why are you not getting a job. I kept thinking so for this year I was just a money-making machine and now I don’t have a job and less money so I’m the useless one.
So now I have decided after getting a job, I’ll not tell them the actual salary and will keep some amount of money for myself so I can buy or get things for myself. I never want to leave my responsibilities but I feel like I should have something for myself without feeling guilty for it.
Please suggest to me what should I do or am I being a bad daughter.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not your responsibility to take care of your mom and your brother. Yes, you can help out, as I’m sure times have been tough since your father passed. You also said your mom has been a housewife all her life, well now is the time that she needs to find a job to help support her kids.
Not move in with you and let all the responsibility fall on your shoulders. Sometimes one of the hardest life lessons is learning when to say no to family, even if it causes a rift.” Big_Theory7747
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have been a good daughter, I’m sorry they took you for granted. I don’t understand how your mom has the nerve to say you won’t get respect without a job while she has never had a job before.
Your story gets to me, as my partner is in a similar situation. Their dad left the family a long time ago and although they were all young adults, it left her caring for her mom and brothers (2 of the 3 with special needs). She always put them first and it took a toll on her physical and mental health.
She’s had to cut back and let them stand on their own more for her safety but it’s been hard since they have relied on her for everything for so long. Just as I told her, I tell you…you did your part helping your family, now it’s your mom’s and brother’s turn.
Step back and take care of yourself first. Your needs matter too.” AwkwardFoodie978
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are still very young, so plenty of time to turn this around and live a wonderful life. They have proven to you that any money invested in them will never offer a return.
You lost your father and your job, bankrolled everything, and they can’t muster some caring words for you? Shut down all contact with them. Stop paying for anything. Get a new number and move on with your life.” livelife3574
19. AITJ For Not Splitting The Profits Equally After Selling My Inherited House?
“My mom passed away a few years ago but had signed her house over to me a year and some change before she passed. When she did this, she was in decent health and of sound mind.
Signing it over was her idea, not mine.
For context, there’s me 48/f then I have 2 brothers 53/m (we’ll call him Kyle) and 52/m (we’ll call him Dex). Our dad passed away years ago and after he passed I’m who helped and took care of our mom.
I stayed living with her to help her financially and then with medical issues, she had over the years. I never lived there for free and wasn’t a freeloader I helped her with the mortgage, taxes, upkeep/maintenance. Plus all the other typical expenses of a home.
I could afford my own house but I couldn’t help her and do that too. I gave up a lot so my mom didn’t lose her home and I don’t regret it. Getting married wasn’t a priority to me but my living situation was often a deal breaker to men and I also gave up having/adopting kids to help her.
If I had kids I was planning to be a single parent from the start by way of adoption or IVF.
Houses aged and things need replaced/repaired before my mom passed I was already making improvements because well … it needed to be done. Since she has passed…
I renovated a lot. I updated the electrical system, the kitchen, 2 bathrooms, put in all new light fixtures, and new doors throughout the house. Then I redid a lot of the yard too. All of which I paid for myself. Essentially, I made it my own home and the way I wanted it.
Some of these things were changes my mom wanted that we had planned to do together.
“Dex” had no issues with our mom giving me the house. The house wasn’t exactly free, when she passed she still had a small mortgage left and I assumed that debt plus well, the house needed a lot of work.
Kyle threw a fit though. Both of them had their own homes. Kyle would always talk down about the house because it wasn’t in great shape, my mom couldn’t afford the repairs and couldn’t do them herself. I did what I could over the years when she was still alive.
He only became interested in the house when he found out it was worth more than he thought and he didn’t want the house, he wanted the money. He tried to sue me in court to buy out his “interest” in the house but his case was dismissed because the house wasn’t an asset of our mom’s when she passed.
I have since sold this house. It was valued at $75,000 when she passed. It sold for $235,000 recently so I gave my brother each a third of what the value was … when she passed. I gave them both a check for $25,000. Most of the rest I used as a down payment on the house I bought.
Dex was happy with that $25,000. Kyle is throwing a fit that he says I owe both of them $78,000 each for it to be fair/equal. Yet I put thousands of dollars into the house of which he contributed exactly $0.00.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you were more than generous in even giving them $25,000 each.
Your mother had her reasons for signing the house over to you when she was still alive because she was well aware that you were the one taking care of her. If Kyle can’t see that, that’s on him and his own greedy, selfish nature.” Ajstross
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, She gave you the house as quite clearly, you deserved it. So you are entitled to all of it. Either of them getting anything is from your good graces. And with that, you were entirely fair. 75k when valued initially, so if it was sold that’s what each of you would get.
YOU put in the time, effort, and money to make it worth more ( and remember it’s YOUR house now ). So you keep the rewards.” PandaLand447
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’d tell Kyle that he’d better be happy with that $25K because you owed him exactly $0.
The house wasn’t truly an asset when your mom died because she didn’t own it outright, he didn’t help pay for taxes and maintenance, and your mother gave it to you. Ignore Kyle. If an equal split of the home was what he was looking for, he should have contributed to that end.” moew4974
My dad died in 1980. Both my sister and I moved back in a time or two when divorce or job loss happened. Mom left the house to my brother when she passed in 2009. He dumped everything on the curb for trash. Let his granddaughter live in it for a while. Then he sold it.
He kept the money. I didn't feel he should have given any to me.
18. AITJ For Considering Not Telling My Friend I Saw Her Partner With His Ex?
“So a few years ago, one of my best friends Liz (29F), and I (29F) had a conversation about being unfaithful. For context, she was telling me about one of her closest friends being unfaithful to his partner while she was out of the country.
When I asked if she was going to tell the partner, she said she felt conflicted, but ultimately no, because the guy was one of her best friends and his partner wasn’t someone she knew well (additionally Liz claimed that it wasn’t as black and white as him just being unfaithful out of nowhere).
I asked her if she would tell the partner if she was close to her then, and she said no because she didn’t think it was any of her business, and besides they were in a better place now and he was about to propose.
I remember her saying something like “Why ruin a good thing just to be a moral person, especially when he’s never going to be unfaithful again” and “Some things are better left unknown”.
I told her then that if she ever knew that my partner had been unfaithful, I’d definitely want to know and would probably be angry at her if I had found out and she hadn’t said anything.
She seemed shocked that I would be mad at her too, so I took that to mean that she didn’t agree.
Anyway, current day, Liz has been in a relationship with Ben (31M) for the last 4 years (5 years if you include the initial year of casually seeing eachother).
Liz, in her own words, is a little paranoid and possessive of her partners. In the first year after they became serious/official, Liz was always a little jealous of Ben’s ex (Marie 31F) because they went out for a long time and Ben was still hung up on her when Ben and Liz began sleeping together.
Last week, I went to a bar with a couple of my friends and saw Ben sitting alone in a booth. I was a little surprised because Ben and Liz live in a different city about 1.5 hours away. I went to say hi and asked why he was here since I hadn’t heard anything from Liz.
He looked uncomfortable and asked me to not say anything to Liz, that he was there for a friend’s mom’s funeral. That immediately made me suspicious because why would he not tell Liz about something like that?
Turns out that the ‘friend’ he’s talking about is Marie.
She came back from the washroom during our conversation and introduced herself. He took me aside when he realized I knew who she was (Liz had talked to me a lot that first year about Marie), and begged me to not say anything. He claimed that he hadn’t done anything wrong, that he had just come back to be supportive since he still cared about Marie as a friend and didn’t want her to be alone at the funeral. He said that Liz wouldn’t understand and it would just hurt her for no good reason.
I know if I told her, she would assume that Ben was being unfaithful, but because of that previous conversation, maybe she would rather not know either way. Just because this would be something I would want to know, it doesn’t mean she would. WIBTJ for not saying anything to her?”
Another User Comments:
“Forget about her. She told me what she wanted. If she changed her mind she should have told you so. By the way, I think there is a good chance she did change her mind. You said you had the conversation about Liz finding out one of her friends was being unfaithful “a few years ago.” That would probably mean that when she and Ben first started their relationship, maybe were in their “casual” stage.
She would have been more okay with infidelity back then as she wasn’t in a very serious relationship. Now, her ideals may have changed. One of my favorite quotes: “Where you stand depends on where you sit.” But, she didn’t update you on her changed morals (if, indeed, they did change).
NTJ” peetecalvin
Another User Comments:
“This is a no-win situation for you. If you tell her, you’re stirring up trouble and trying to cause problems when there are none or insinuating you think he was being unfaithful… if you don’t, you’re spitefully keeping the truth from her or you’re OK with him being unfaithful to her despite what you’ve previously said.
Ben will likely be able to twist things to his benefit and make you out to be the bad guy no matter what you do, so just follow your conscience so you’re able to look yourself in the mirror when it’s all said and done.
You need to follow your morals, Liz and Ben can deal with their own.” PrimordialShade
Another User Comments:
“You would be the jerk. The way he pleaded it’s not being unfaithful. And just because your friend is okay with being a not-great person and not telling someone when they see their partner being unfaithful doesn’t mean you should be.
She definitely would want to know, she just never wants to be the person to tell someone that they are being unfaithful. Be a better person than she is and tell her what you saw. She can decide what to do with that information, and maybe it will make her think twice about not telling someone she saw them being unfaithful.” Sweetcilantro
17. AITJ For Accusing My Dad Of Projecting His Trauma On My Marriage?
“So my (42M) stepdaughter Steph (16f) recently had to have emergency heart surgery.
She inherited a heart issue from her father’s side and this is the second surgery she’s had, the first being when she was a baby.
My wife (42F) was naturally a mess when Steph went into surgery. We were out of town and Steph’s father lives abroad so she was staying with my wife’s brother when this happened. The level of stress and anxiety my wife endured when we were driving back to town in the middle of the night was unlike anything I’ve ever seen before and nothing I said or did helped her.
It was a horrible situation for both of us.
Steph thankfully did amazing and her recovery is looking great so far. Her father, Fred (47M), flew in the next day to help look after her.
My wife despises her ex-husband, and for good reason. He betrayed her when Steph was quite unwell about 6 years ago, and he favors my stepson Alex (19M) over Steph because he’s his only son (he has three more daughters with his wife).
He barely spoke to Steph and she always complained about how he treated her to me so I’m not fond of the man either. Surprisingly, he’s been amazing in this situation and he is the only person that can talk my wife out of an anxiety episode.
He also has the same heart problem that Steph has so he’s like a living example of how Steph’s situation is survivable and that comforts my wife.
I was a little jealous when he first turned up and my wife went from ignoring his existence to spending a lot of time with him caring for Steph, but I get it.
She is their child together, they’ve been through a situation like this before and the medical issue comes from him. When Steph was still in the hospital, they went on walks together while she was sleeping and they held hands and hugged when she was given the all-clear to go home.
Again, it doesn’t bother me because as much as I love Steph, I will never understand what they’re going through and I know that my wife generally can’t stand her ex.
I was venting about the situation to my father because I’m not going to bother my wife about a little jealousy when she’s dealing with this, and my dad seems to think that I need to tell my wife to stop being close to her ex.
The situation hit a sore spot for him because my mother betrayed him, and now every time I see him he tells me that I can’t ’ever fully trust a woman’ and that I need to keep an eye on my wife. I’ve known my wife since high school and I know that betrayal is not in her nature and have explained so, but he keeps insisting.
Eventually, I lost my temper and accused him of stirring the pot and of projecting his trauma onto me. He called me a jerk and my brother agrees because he thinks that the natural response to your wife spending time with another man is to think she’s betraying you and that I was wrong to insult my dad like that when to everyone else, it looks like she would be betraying me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Now you know though that neither of these people is who you go to for support about this type of issue. Find friends or a therapist to talk to but sadly not them.” _parenda_
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here.
You knew how he was but still decided to rant to him about a topic that hits too close to home. I’m not saying your wife is betraying you but going from hating a guy to suddenly spending on one with him is a leap for sure with what has been going on I get, but still, it’s weird maybe your wife just has a big heart which might end up hurting you later, maybe this is when they discover they have more in common than they thought.
Maybe this is just the beginning of a circle. Talk to your wife and set boundaries cause it seems like your dad has in a way confirmed some doubt of yours, and you aren’t taking it well.” throwaway2815791937
16. AITJ For Refusing To Record My Son For My Mother's Dying Husband?
“My mother’s husband is supposedly dying and heartbroken that he hasn’t seen my kiddo(11M) in months.
My mother asked for a recording of some sort for him.
My relationship with my mother has always been difficult. Her husband has a history of substance use and I have never considered him dad. They have moved close enough to me to help watch my kids over the years and though I am grateful because child care is expensive the last few years have been very abusive.
Forcing my youngest to go to church when I made my stance very clear that 1. we don’t subscribe to that belief any longer. 2. I don’t force him to go to big social gatherings for both his mental health (neurospicy kid) and 3. current medical climate. He would always come back shaken from the overstimulation.
(This is just 1% of the issues)
Her husband’s substance issues have started coming back in the last few years. Kiddo loves his grandpa and they do crafts and things together but he has left the kiddo alone in the house to go “run errands,” and his substance use have led there to various unsavory “friends” of his about that will come to the house at the worst times.
After I found out about that I limited my son’s time over at the grandparent’s only if my mother was there. It just didn’t feel safe for the kiddo.
Needless to say, this has caused many fights with her about her language and behaviors and his substance issues.
Fast forward to last Summer. My kids and I were allowed to move 11 hours away from her and her behaviors and other abusive situations and I took it. She started trying to guilt trip me to come back with the kids with various tactics from asking for help with post-surgery to her husband dying and wanting to see the kiddo.
The thing is my kids have always had autonomy. If it is not directly affecting their education or health they have been given the freedom to make safe choices. Kiddo doesn’t want to see or talk to the grandparents because he’s heard how nasty they talked of me and to me and hated how we both were treated. To the point, I asked if he wanted to say Merry Christmas if they called and he vehemently said no.
She has texted asking for a video or a recording of the kiddo’s voice to give to her husband because they miss the kiddo and his health is getting worse. This was a few weeks after a phone call calling me cruel and how everything was my fault and how dare I take their grandkids away from them.
I just feel like if I recorded the kiddo without him knowing who it’s for it would break his trust if he found out and he doesn’t want anything to do with them. My mother has walked over my boundaries my entire life. AITJ for holding this one firm while starting to go no contact?
Side note: we are in great housing, I am finishing my education and allowed to stay home while doing so. We are all healing and they still don’t have our address on purpose.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom’s actions look like manipulation tactics to try to maintain some kind of control over you and your family.
You did the right thing to distance yourself from them and you are under ZERO obligation to maintain contact with them.” hollandaisesawce
Another User Comments:
“NTJ He doesn’t want anything to do with them. I think if you secretly recorded a video without your son’s knowledge, that would be a breach of his trust.” SweetWonderful_U
15. AITJ For Leaving My Own Surprise Birthday Party?
“Before I start telling the story I want you to know, that I’m not the type of person, who loves big parties. I’m uncomfortable when I’m in the “spotlight” alone and have a whole day, that’s about me. I also get uncomfortable, when many people are around me.
I’m not introverted or anything like that, I just need my space.
Now the Story:
It happened last year and my then-partner (Fake name: Sarah) had a big smile the day before my birthday. I told her multiple times (even before we were in the relationship) that I didn’t want a big party for my birthday.
I told her that I don’t like celebrating that day, because, for me, it is just a normal day. “Wow, got a year closer to my demise…” (Sorry, that is just how I feel about my birthday). Having about 5-10 People around me, eating cake, and having a laugh together is more than enough for me.
Just nothing big.
Now, Sarah is the total opposite. She thinks birthdays are just as important, if not more important, than weddings (not literally but she acts like this). So, she always plans big celebrations (30+ people) for her friends and I’m okay with that. When we were at a big party, I just told her, that I needed to get outside to get my space because, again, I don’t like being surrounded by that many people and she was always fine with it.
We never had a serious fight about it.
The day before my birthday, Sarah smiled all day. I asked her if she had a great day and she said “Yes, because tomorrow is your big day”. I reminded her, that I don’t like to celebrate my birthday and she said “Don’t worry, it’s not a big celebration”, so I trusted her.
The next day, I came home from work, opened my door and about 30 people screamed “Happy Birthday” in my face. I just stood there confused and Sarah told me, she knew, that I don’t like big parties but only because I never had one. Which is true, but does not fix my issue with that many people around me.
I tried my best to not ruin everything and played along as much as it was possible for me. But after two hours, I had enough. I told Sarah, that I didn’t feel comfortable and I wanted the party to end. She did not listen, so I just went to my office and locked the door.
After another hour, Sarah knocked on my door, asking, if everything is alright. I told her, that I was grateful, for what she had done, but I couldn’t go out there anymore. It’s just too much for me.
She didn’t take it well and a couple of minutes later, the music stopped and everyone left the house.
After that, Sarah came to me and told me “Thank you for ruining the evening”. I stayed at my office that night. I also was bombarded by many people for ruining everything.
She didn’t talk to me for the next few days before breaking up with me, because I wouldn’t appreciate what she did for me.
I tried to talk to her, but she just blocked me.
I still think about it and think always, it is my fault, that I threw our relationship away. So: Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ before the party you already told her multiple times that you didn’t want a big party.
You set that boundary and she broke it. You even told her you were grateful and never got mad at her. She ruined the party and unfortunately the relationship by crossing that boundary. Based on her reaction to you just walk away from the party and her saying “Thanks for ruining the party” is very immature.
You probably dodged a bullet.” Destinysoulgem
Another User Comments:
“Nah NTJ, sounds like it was for the best. You communicated your wishes clearly and repeatedly and she *still* violated them. Not your fault, she was breaking up with you because she wanted someone who liked the kind of parties she likes; y’all just weren’t compatible.” dishonestgandalf
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you told her you didn’t like/want to celebrate your birthday. She not only went against that but did it in probably the worst way to do it – a surprise party. Then, when you tried to deal with it, it reached the point you couldn’t.
When you tried to express that you had reached your limit – you were ignored again. She completely ignored your feelings- multiple times. Edit spelling” Unhappy_Ranger_7782
14. AITJ For Giving My Friends An Ultimatum About Their Misbehaving Dogs?
“My friends came to me and said they were going to have to get rid of their dogs if they can’t find someone to watch them while they are in a transition period (one month to two months tops) as long as our animals would adjust well.
My partner and I agreed to look after them with the knowledge that our friends lived 5 minutes down the road and were going to come by all the time to help us out with what the dogs needed to take them on walks and make sure their dogs didn’t think they were leaving them forever.
We created a group chat to keep them up to date on their dogs, and gave them keys to our place so that they could come and see the dogs when we weren’t home.
After week one we expressed that they would have to find somewhere else for their dogs because our animals weren’t adjusting well and the dogs were causing a lot of trouble (breaking into rooms and going through the t**********r boxes, tearing up blankets, pooping and peeing everywhere, and barking and growling at our animals).
After the second week, we got told they are still trying to find someone for their dogs and they can’t do anything for us. We sent them links to doggy boarding and got them set up on the Rover app to see if they could find someone.
When we asked how long they thought it would take they said they weren’t sure because it’s hard to find someone to look after their dogs for more than 5 months. Which shocked me because we only signed up for a month or two.
We are about to end week three of having the dogs and it is creating such a strain on our household.
One of the dogs chased one of my cats around the house barking and growling at him, when we expressed the concern to one of my friends they laughed.
My friends have only come by 3 times in 3 weeks to see their dogs maybe a total of 2 hours during all three of those visits and only when we begged them too because our days were busy out of the house.
One was even to drop off food and they stayed only 10 mins.
They never ask about their dogs. They never ask how our animals are doing with the dogs.
We again expressed our concerns with our friends and they said we should have thought about all of this before offering to watch their dogs.
We aren’t getting paid for this because one of them is jobless at the moment.
We are barely getting any help.
Anything we ask for that would make things slightly easier for us has gone ignored.
We have given them the ultimatum of one and a half more weeks with the dogs, which would make us have them for over a month, or we send their dogs to a shelter or find them a forever home.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You had an agreement with them and they haven’t upheld their end of it at all. They have accused you of “not thinking things through” when you made very specific conditions, which they have ignored. They sound like awfully irresponsible pet owners.
Honestly, you’d be doing the dogs a favour finding them a stable forever home with owners that care about them. Also, are they going to pay the vet bills if one of their animals hurts one of yours? I wouldn’t even wait the week and a half if it was to protect my pets.” Doktor_Seagull
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They have all the signs of bad pet owners: lack of concern, lack of contact, and lack of training. They also have some signs of being bad friends: lack of concern, lack of contact, lack of gratitude, and lack of long-term planning that’s making you responsible for their pets.
Stick with the plan. The dogs will likely be better off in a different home with owners that want them. This sounds like they’re trying to offload the dogs onto you by starting with a small commitment and then gradually asking for more and more.
Don’t fall for it and don’t be swayed by their eventual guilt trips and manipulation. You just learned how far you can trust these people, and it’s not very much.” BetweenWeebandOtaku
13. AITJ For Confronting My Egotistical Surgeon Father About His Reckless Driving?
“My (21F) dad (53M) is extremely egotistical. He’s a surgeon and he gets off on ‘saving’ people. I’m the eldest, which means I try to defend my mom (54F) and brother (18M) from him because they’re so conflict-avoidant.
My mom (also a doctor) is a depressed, anti-social woman with no friends (my dad doesn’t like her going out). She always begs me to stop escalating even when my dad’s in the wrong.
So the problem: my dad is a reckless driver. If any of us anger him, he speeds even more to scare us.
If police catch him, they just let him go because he’s a surgeon.
Tonight, we had a family reunion and my dad started drinking. He claimed 1 glass was legal. When he started driving, however, he drove right into a concrete island in the middle of the road, which EVERYONE in the car noticed except for him.
The car was damaged so I urged my mom to ask if she should drive. He got mad and said, “It’s just didn’t see it”. When he got out of the car to check for any damage, I told my mom that I’d talk to him and to not say anything to get his attention on her.
I asked him not to get angry, and to please switch seats with my mom for our safety. He ignored me. I asked him again, no reply. I asked why he was ignoring me and I felt him speed up. He muttered to my mom that he was irritated so I stopped because I was scared he’d crash.
Once home, I wanted to have a private conversation with Dad. He said “I won’t have any private discussions with you” at which point I exploded.
My mom and brother were silently begging me to stop escalating but I was just seeing red. I told him, “Is your fragile little ego so small that you can’t even switch seats with Mom for the safety of your family?” He started retaliating but I started yelling, “If you didn’t want this to happen you shouldn’t have been drinking”.
He yelled at me to go inside and my mom grabbed me and begged me to stop because my neighbors could hear. I told her loud enough so my dad could hear me, “He’s a narcissistic jerk. This is no father of mine”. Then I told her quietly not to get involved because she’d also get in trouble.
I went to my parent’s room and waited for my dad to come in but he saw me and went to the bathroom instead. My mom came in again and asked me to stop arguing and that it only hurt her. I asked her why she kept putting up with his emotional mistreatment.
I could ruin his reputation in minutes, and then she’d be free. I was aware that he could take his anger out on her, so I was ready to call the police if that happened. He didn’t come out of the bathroom so I went to my room.
I may be the jerk because I knew yelling at my dad upsets my mom and bro. I would do anything for my family including erasing my dad from the picture. He is a jerk but I wanna know if I was wrong in starting a fight in front of my mom and brother.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but going forward you need to understand the issue here is your parents’ marriage and you can’t fix that. As difficult as it is to accept, there is a boundary here you need to respect. Your mother either finds a way to address their issues or continues being a depressed martyr. You can see if she’s open to counseling and therapy, at least for her and your brother’s emotional wellbeing, if so, be encouraging but know when to back off – if you push, she will likely shut down and refuse outright.
You, however, do have the option of taking steps to become independent of your father and his controlling checkbook, and showing your brother he also has choices. Focus your attention on gaining independence now while your age is one of your best assets in gathering everything you need to live free of his emotional and financial control.” Lhamo55
Another User Comments:
“Your father sounds like he can be unpredictable & a danger to himself & others especially when drinking. You’re NTJ for speaking up when you’re safety & life are in jeopardy. When he refused to switch seats with your mom would’ve been a good time to call the police or any other time he is driving erratically.
Idk where you live, but you can text 911 if you don’t feel safe calling them in front of your dad. You’re 21 so I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know by suggesting you move out for your mental health.” Irak00
12. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Niece Some Of My Late Mother's Ashes?
“My mom died about three weeks ago and ever since then, my sister-in-law has been asking for some of her ashes for her daughter.
I’ve repeatedly and politely told her I did not feel comfortable giving away any of my mother’s ashes to anyone and I thought she understood that.
But she did not because she kept asking for the sake of her daughter to give her some of my mother‘s ashes and I told her again politely I did not feel comfortable separating any of my mother‘s ashes because I wanted to bury them intact and together.
But she still just doesn’t understand that’s when my niece calls me and asks if she can get some of my mom‘s ashes and I politely tell her I’m sorry, but I do not feel comfortable giving her ashes away to anyone and that I was sorry about that but I just did not feel comfortable about it.
I thought the call went well but it didn’t cause the next morning I got a text from my sister-in-law that she spent three hours calming down my niece because I wouldn’t give her my mom‘s ashes at this point I just stopped responding to her texts.
The day goes on. I went to one of my relative’s house to tell them what was going on with my sister-in-law. They got pretty upset about it because she wouldn’t respect my wishes. Still, when I left my relative’s house, my relative called another one of my relatives to complain about what my sister-in-law had been doing, and my relative texted me that they would talk to her and tell her to stop.
Well, this just angers my sister-in-law even more and she sends me a series of texts about how she was trying to talk to an adult friend and how she was there for me when my mom died. I blocked her because I couldn’t handle it anymore when I got the confirmation of the date when my mom would be buried.
I decided to unblock her and tell her when she was going to be buried but she wanted nothing to do with me and that I was the worst person in the world for not giving her daughter some of my mom‘s ashes. I again tell her she knew from the beginning I was not separating my mom‘s ashes or giving them to anybody but again, she continues telling me how much of a terrible person I am, and she wants nothing to do with me and then I informed her the reason why I told her when my mother was being buried was for my niece to say her final goodbyes, and she sends me a series of text about how terrible I am, and that she wants nothing to do with me so I told her fine do what you want don’t come and never contact me again.
I didn’t think me not giving my niece some of my mom‘s ashes knowing for well I wasn’t giving anybody her ashes would make me the biggest jerk in the entire world. This just completely devastates me because she knows how close me and my mom were and she knew that I knew what my mom wanted and she just can’t respect it”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am fine with distributing ashes to whoever wants them. But the decision was yours and you didn’t feel comfortable with anything other than burying the ashes intact. They weren’t wrong to ask. You explained your reasonable decision. They should have supported your choice of how to honor your mother.
In times of grief, we should be looking for ways to ease others’ burdens. They poured stress onto you and that’s reprehensible. The niece could be offered a small item to remember her by but by no means does that have to be part of the body.” ThatguyIncognito
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I’m sorry for your loss. May I ask why they want the ashes? It sounds a bit creepy.. how old is your niece to have as a “souvenir” her grandma’s ashes? Sorry, for what they made you feel but you have all the right to refuse their requests.
It must be hard enough to grieve the loss of your mother without these crazy requests. Say goodbye to your mum in peace, totally NTJ here…” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Follow your mom’s wishes with her remains. Some religions do not support the division of remains.
and this would be especially important if that was why your mom’s wishes were what they were. Please take care of yourself as well. Do not let this get to you. You were entrusted with a duty to your mother and you are following it.
End of. A child does not need remains.” eowynsheiress
11. AITJ For Not Inviting My Mother's Toxic Partner To Our Wedding?
“My fiancé (33M) and I (32F) have been together a long time and are getting married in the summer. My father passed away several years ago and the place we are getting married is special to us as it is his final resting place.
We were very close and it’s been very emotional planning the wedding and thinking about that and all of the roles a father usually does at a wedding i.e. walking down the aisle, father of the bride speech, etc.
My mum has always been quite a self-interested person.
Conversations tend to revolve 95% around her and in the years since my dad died, it’s become apparent that she lacks empathy and is a poor listener e.g. forgetting every year to message on Father’s Day. She doesn’t seem to have the motherly desire to plan any of the weddings with us and seems to be bored or critical of everything we have chosen to do e.g. she has called us hypocritical for marrying in a church even though my father is buried there and complained about wedding dress shopping clashing with tennis/lunches with friends so I ended up going with a friend.
She met a man 6 months ago on a holiday and immediately communicated this to me by a text photograph of them out of very hurtful blue. Since then all she has been able to think about is him and has been on several far-flung and very expensive holidays yet she has constantly made out that it is difficult to travel two hours to visit me despite my fiancé visiting her on several occasions.
She is retired but very active so mobility is not an issue and she has plenty of money and lives a very “penny wise pound foolish” kind of lifestyle.
The man she has started to see has been manipulative and is very bad news. He convinced my mum to block me on WhatsApp, messaged me several times on my mum’s phone, suggested my mum get plastic surgery (?!), bad-mouthed my close relatives, and turned her against them to name but a few incidents.
Every time we have seen her there has been a glimmer of understanding from her he is bad news but as soon as she sees him again we are the bad ones, not letting her live her life, etc. He has been all too happy to come between a mother and daughter and in the lead-up to the wedding I have not only not had a parent figure but a mother who has actively let a man ruin what should be one of the most exciting periods of our lives.
My mum has also facilitated all of this behavior, denied her poor behavior, and continually picked spending time with this man over us.
My fiancé and I are at our wit’s end with this man and my mum’s toxic behavior. We have made it clear that this man is not invited to the wedding based on the rift he has caused between a mother and daughter, the special place where we are getting married and he has only been with my mum for 6 months.
She has since told us she is not coming to the wedding.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I was ready to say yes to your question from the headline and the first few sentences. But you have clearly explained the issue. The issue is not that he is just a 6-month relationship, it is that he is actively seeking to disassociate your mother from her family.
You haven’t mentioned who is paying for all of these expensive jaunts they go on, but if it is your mother then serious warning bells are ringing. Older single women are prey to lotharios whose eyes are on the money, not the person. Trying to cut the woman off from her family is the first sign.
You are NTJ and if you can, it would be prudent to have some sort of family intervention with your mother to see what is going on.” AffectionateTruck984
Another User Comments:
“If you don’t like who your mom has become with this new partner, then I can’t fault you for that.
Her behavior with you specifically does not have to be ignored or excused. NTJ for not inviting her when she’s treated you poorly and allowed someone new to do the same. If she wants to be on an island with him, let her figure herself out.
And I am sorry for your grief. Truly. But, if your mother has been widowed for several years, accept that she is fully entitled to have a romantic life, OK?” AndSoItGoes24
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have your reasons for not wanting this man at your wedding and that’s that.
If you think that he may be trying to encourage her away from you and her family though, I’m not so sure I’d be willing to play into his hands. Your mom sounds lonely maybe and that can make her desperate to keep him around so she is acquiescing to supporting him.
Maybe you should invite him and see if he is even interested in attending. That could be interesting. While I think your mom should be supporting you first and foremost, I honestly would worry about this guy being able to drive a wedge between you and her, and not so sure that I would allow this to happen if I were you.” Realistic_Head4279
10. AITJ For Calling My Mother-In-Law Racist And Being Sarcastic To My Wife?
“I (38m) got married to my wife (39F) in 2019. We live in a different country from our origins. It was a small wedding but the guests included a few friends from both sides, my parents, and her dad. Her dad and mom had a fallout because of her younger sister’s husband’s choice.
Although they come from the same country and religion, they are of different cultures (Marathi and Tamil). I also have a different background close to Tamil but she never expressed her opinion towards me.
MIL to date does not talk to my wife’s sister, her husband, granddaughter, or dad.
She stopped talking to my wife as well until recently when we went to visit their country. My wife wanted to go see her and I agreed. But she did not talk to me, not even a hello. I felt disrespected but I said nothing.
She was very cozy with my son and started talking to my wife normally during our 2-3 hour visit.
My wife told her that if she did not talk to me, she would leave but MIL said “Don’t go” so, my wife stayed. All this time, I was in another room, all by myself looking after my daughter who is shy with new people/sleeping.
A few days later while we were still in the country, my MIL wanted to see my wife and son again. I said I was not comfortable just her driving all the way. We were staying in a hotel an hour’s drive away. So, my wife left us (me, my parents, who were also visiting, and our daughter) in their guest house, close to their parent’s house, for three hours with literally nothing to do and nowhere to go.
I still said nothing.
Now, my daughter 2y.o tends to pull things. We have child-proofed the house in most of the places. One day, my wife and daughter were in our bedroom during the day and I was lying on my stomach reading something.
My wife was a few feet away and my daughter as usual fiddling with stuff. There was this mirror in the free-standing room and she was going for it.
I was alerted in a high voice, partly asking my daughter not to do it and also my wife to stop her, who was standing a few feet from her.
She stopped it and shouted that instead of alerting, I could have got up and stopped her myself. I said nothing.
A few days later, a similar incident happened when I was much farther and she was with the kids and my daughter grabbed something and broke it.
My wife was screaming at her as her attempt failed. So, I said, sarcastically, “How come you weren’t able to stop her”. I’m an almost 40-year-old man lying on the bed, could not possibly have stopped her in time. She on the other hand, standing right next to her, apparently “making a point”
The visit to MIL happened in September.
We argued in Dec not related to my daughter but about respecting each other and I told her her mum is racist and her not standing up for me is disrespectful among other instances. And she says that is not being racist and me trying to make a point is more disrespectful.
So, I seek a fellow Redditor’s opinion on this. AITJ? Should I just apologize?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. First, the business with your daughter breaking something has nothing to do with MIL. It was a completely separate issue, but you brought up MIL’s disrespect because you have been upset about it since the visit.
You should have resolved this issue before the second visit to your MIL. You said nothing but kept the resentment, and for that, you are a jerk. Second, your MIL is of course racist. That is clear. And she is a jerk for that. Third, your wife did not defend you or insist that her mother respect you, or leave.
For that, she is a jerk.” 1962Michael
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Look man, a marriage isn’t, and shouldn’t be about keeping score, but it sounds like you’re doing just that here. Your wife and her MIL didn’t treat you well, so that’s on them. You didn’t help with your daughter and you’re always sarcastic, which is on you.
Your bad behavior doesn’t give her or her mother free reign to treat you poorly. But their poor treatment of you doesn’t justify you being a jerk all the time or not helping with your daughter. You need to tackle these things individually and say, “I’m sorry, I’ll work on being less sarcastic.
I will do better with that and with our daughter because I want to be a good husband and father. I would be very happy if you could do better in X way, and if we could change things next time we see your mother because I feel she doesn’t treat us with respect.” SquallkLeon
Another User Comments:
“ESH, it’s clearly about a lot more than your daughter’s habits or your MIL. It should be you and her against the problem, not you against each other because of the problem. You and your wife need to act as a team and the first step of that is communicating in a calm adult manner what specifically is bothering you both and trying to find a mutually beneficial solution.
It takes two people to keep a family together, and only one person to tear one apart.” C-01001101
9. AITJ For Kicking Out My Roommate After She Refused To Pay Her Share Of The Rent?
“My friend (F29) moved in with me (F30) because she was down on her luck and needed a restart. The first 5 months of her moving in I didn’t charge her rent. She got a decent job by the 5th month and started paying. Rent increased when I signed the lease renewal however she didn’t increase her half because she couldn’t afford to.
So she continued paying the original amount. Things got a little tense between us after asking if she could pay for one utility bill. So she started making “house rules”. Like no scary movies allowed, my partner can’t come over, no cooking broccoli, stuff like that.
However, she was allowed to do all the things. This led to more tension and a huge rift formed in our friendship.
Onto the current issue. I got an amazing opportunity that requires me to relocate. I let my roommate know about this back in August that I’d be out of the apartment by the end of January.
I thought it was a reasonable amount of time for her to find a place. She started looking in September but denied everything because she’s a picky person. If her living room didn’t face east she didn’t want it, the color of the building is ugly, etc. She stopped looking and she didn’t restart until last week.
I didn’t know she stopped looking because I’ve been busy traveling to and from the new state for projects and getting everything in order. And I sadly assumed when I was home and she went out she was actively looking. Last week she broke down and told me she doesn’t have a place to live and is freaking out.
We sat down and discussed a potential plan to help her. We went to the management office and decided to pay month-to-month for February. This agreement increased rent exponentially. We are responsible even if we move out in mid-February. We signed an agreement with the office that this will start on the 1st.
She found a place, move-in date is February 1st. She only plans on staying a couple of days in February while she moves into her new place. And of course, she’s not paying her half of the rent but she’ll give me 100 dollars for the “couple of nights in February”.
I brought out the agreement we both signed and she said, “Well you’re the one with the fancy job it’s not that much”. I told her I agreed to do this because you needed more time. Again said that she just can’t afford it.
We argued for a bit and got nowhere. So I went to management and asked to break the contract. They told me we need to be out on the 29th. I went back home and told her the update and she blew up at me.
Asking how can I kick her out, she won’t have a place to stay until the 1st. But I told her it’s not my problem anymore and that she needs to figure it out. All I know is that we both need to be out in five days.
Now she’s blasting me on social media and telling everybody I’m kicking her out. She’s completely ignoring me and is throwing my stuff in shared areas on the ground like a child. And through it all I still find myself feeling bad and guilty.
So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You tried to work with her and she chose not to act like an adult and find a place to live. She’s been taking advantage of you by not paying her fair share of rent and utilities.
She doesn’t care about you and has no problem putting you in a position to pay more money out of your pocket when you are trying to help her. She can stay in a motel or at a friend’s house for a couple of days until her place is ready.” Odd_Yogurtcloset2891
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You told her you are leaving in August so that’s 5 months’ notice. It’s her fault she started looking a week ago. Continue your move and move on with your life. If others ask on social media, say you gave her 5 months’ notice due to relocation for a job opportunity and she did things last minute.
You are not obligated to help her financially or anything. Don’t be friends with someone like this. It looks like she used your kindness and tried taking advantage of the living situation. And you didn’t “kick” her out. Don’t even think that.” Beginning-Mammoth-80
8. AITJ For Wanting To Learn SQL After My Friend And Colleague Did?
“I work for a small company. Was brought on a couple of years ago by a friend I’ve known for 10+ years, let’s call her “Joan”.
Joan recently let me know that she’s not sure how long the company will continue past the contracts we have in place for the next couple of years. She has previously discussed her passion for data analytics & is looking to continue her career in SQL.
She has mentioned how the IT Director has mentioned her name in this regard to our parent company & she plans on expanding her education with SQL to potentially get a job with our parent company doing this.
I’m not sure of exactly what I want to do yet in regards to my career, but hearing Joan talk about SQL was interesting & I decided that I would start taking some free classes to see if SQL would be something I could see myself doing.
In a private work conversation with our IT Director, he included a screenshot from our DEV team which included some SQL code. I mentioned, “I’m thinking of taking some entry-level SQL courses so seeing this now vs. after is going to be interesting for me haha.
I appreciate the follow-up.” He mentioned that he would be setting up Joan with access & would also set me up as well. I was surprised by this & said “I don’t want to take anything away from Joan obviously, but if it’s no problem & would help me get some familiarity with the system, then I’d love that.
I have zero experience but looking to learn a valuable skill”.
Over the weekend I received a text from Joan asking why I was receiving SQL access. I explained exactly what happened and she responded by saying this sucks for her & I should’ve asked her first. We spoke on the phone & she explained that my getting SQL access takes away from the effort she put in to get access & that it’s selfish of me to use our IT Director as a resource, as that would take away from her.
I validated her feelings & said that perhaps I could email & ask our IT Director where he started in his career & what kind of position I could start in where I could learn what I want to do within Computer Science, as this would show that I’m not set on SQL & ask for some really good advice.
We both agreed that this would work.
The next day, I awoke to a text from Joan stating that the best form of damage control would be for me to just not respond to our IT Director regarding this any further & that she could just be my resource.
She mentioned how she got me this job, covered for me, “saved me from being fired multiple times”, pushed for my promotions/raises, told me immediately when she thought the company was in trouble & gave me resources/ideas. She said if I care about her at all, I will drop this and find something else to do.
I was confused by this so we spoke on the phone again & she reiterated that she doesn’t think I am doing anything malicious but thinks I don’t understand business relations & am actively in the process of ruining her career & that this could affect her future.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Bull hockey. The more people in a company who learn new languages and technologies, the better for a company. And the better for the people who learn new things. Joan is simply afraid that you would be better. So what?
If you’re interested, take the classes. She doesn’t seem to care that your career may be affected by you suddenly backing away from an opportunity. You ruined nothing.” FuzzyMom2005
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ugh. I’m sorry but it sounds like Joan is insecure about her future, and it appears that she thinks holding you back may give her more job security.
But that’s an immature way for her to approach this problem. A couple of things here, 1) tell Joan you super appreciate her and everything she’s done for your career, but that SQL and visibility to the IT Director is good for both of you. 2) Remind Joan that you are young and you have a career beyond this one company, and getting exposure to SQL can help you long-term If your company is going under, as Joan says, then having SQL on your resume can help you with the 1000s of other companies that need it.
Joan needs to understand you two are not competing for 1 single entry-level SQL job, there are 1000s of these types of jobs out there.” LotsofCatsFI
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Welcome to the corporate world! First off, acknowledge/reply to the IT director’s email because it’s rude not to especially when he’s a boss.
Not replying to your boss is not damage control, it’s rude and will put you in a bad light with the higher up. Second, Joan seems to see you as a competition, which shouldn’t be the case. Her using your connection and relationship and listing all she did for you is manipulative.
Your drive to learn a new course is good OP, don’t let her manipulate you.” _guesswhomd
7. AITJ For Not Wanting To Buy Presents For My Brother After He Tried To Gaslight Me?
“6 years ago my brother met his partner, let’s call her Camilla. She seemed nice at first, but as the years went by, things turned for the worse.
Over the years they became stingier with presents, mainly towards me, despite working full time.
At first, it would start as me being told my birthday or Christmas present hadn’t arrived in the mail, just for me to discover they bought it weeks later. Then they began to give presents that had been opened or used before I got them.
At first, I kind of ignored it, because I didn’t want to make a fuss about getting a disappointing present. However, last Christmas takes the cake. I wasn’t celebrating Christmas with my brother and Camilla, so I assumed we would hand out presents for each other the next time we would see each other.
That seemed to be the case for the rest of my family, but then my brother gave a strict order to both me AND my mom, that I would need to open his and Camilla’s presents on Christmas day. I didn’t question it, so it went in the pile with the rest of the presents.
When I opened it it consisted of a piece of paper wrapped around an empty toilet paper roll. On the paper was written, that my brother and Camilla had decided to give me 150$ for a trip I am going on this summer. No money was included in the package, and I know that for sure because three people inspected it just to make sure.
I then decided to ask him the following day if it was on PayPal or when I would get the money because I thought maybe they would wait until payday. They have done that before, so I didn’t think much of it first.
My whole family was there when I asked him when the money would be given to me, and Camilla’s face immediately turned stiff and pale.
My brother said that the money should have been in the packaging, but I said it was nowhere there. He then couldn’t pinpoint where he had put the money – if it was in the wrapping paper, inside the folded piece of paper, or the toilet paper roll.
All this time Camilla said nothing and just stared in the opposite direction. He said I must have thrown it away by accident when I insisted on not having seen it.
I was upset afterward that the brother I always loved had tried to gaslight me on Christmas day by trying to convince me I had thrown away 150$ dollars.
I suspect that Camilla had a huge part to play, as she seems to dislike me a lot and has been progressively colder towards me in the past couple of years. But I can’t help to dislike my brother because of it too, as I just can’t see why one could do such a thing to their little sister – even when pressured into it.
I’ve always bought nice presents for them and their daughter, but I don’t think I will be buying anything for my brother and Camilla from now on. Am I the jerk for not wanting to buy presents for my brother because of this, even if he is being manipulated by Camilla?”
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like Camilla gaslighted your brother into thinking that she put the money in there, but instead kept it for herself. He sounded seriously confused, and, like you say, she kept looking away, like she was guilty. Sounds deliberate to me.
I think you’re right. For whatever reason, they’re not into giving you gifts anymore, so just move on. I don’t think it’s worth all the fuss. Gift-giving is great when people want to do it, and they want to make the people in their lives happy.
But when it becomes a burden, something that has to be done, and passive-aggressive games are played, it’s just not worth it. Just move on. NTJ” margins
6. AITJ For Refusing To Forgive My Sister-In-Law After Years Of Verbal Mistreatment?
“I (28 F) have been with my husband(28 M) for 9 years and married for 2. Over the years, I’ve had countless disagreements with my SIL(32 F). She is using substances and has BPD which she refuses to undergo treatment for.
Over the years there has been a repeating pattern of her being super nice to my husband and me for a few months and then switching and being extremely hostile and nasty.
The last 2 years, she has really had it out for me. I work in the entertainment industry. My husband and I both discussed this career choice and he is comfortable with the work I do( for reference it’s stripping and online content). Well, SIL is not happy about this and has called me derogatory names and has said I bring shame to the family numerous times.
I don’t really care about that and still always made an effort to at least be civil. The real kicker is that on Christmas Day we announced we were expecting our first child after 6 years of infertility I got pregnant naturally. Obviously, we were so happy and excited but when my husband told her the news she said I’m so sorry!
He was like what no congratulations? and she was like I can’t say that all I can say is I’m sorry.
She then proceeded to attack me saying I am the reason she doesn’t get to see her brother that I stop him from talking to the family and that I’m the reason he struggles with his mental health( he recently had a severe mental health crisis but is doing better now).
This isn’t true at all, if anything I encourage him to see his family more because he is pretty anti-social and a house hermit who prefers to stay home. The husband tells me that she told him he should get a paternity test since I’m such a promiscuous woman and it’s mighty convenient that I finally got pregnant.
He has called her out numerous times on her behavior but it doesn’t stop her.
Husband still tries to be friendly with her as that is what his dad wanted and his dad passed away 2 years ago so for the sake of respecting his dad’s wishes he still tries to have a good relationship with her.
I, however, am done at this point and refuse to speak to her or even acknowledge her presence when we visit his mum. Now his mum is saying I should be more forgiving and let it go that she has said so many nasty things about me because lately( the last month) she has been really good and stable and it’s not her fault she treats people like this because she has a mental illness.
I disagree because like I said she can be really nice for a period of time but it never lasts and in the next couple of weeks or months I know she will be back to her usual antics and I honestly just hate her at this point.
My husband respects my views and understands why I feel the way I do but I get the impression he also thinks I should just let it go and forgive her. AITJ for holding a grudge and for not being empathetic to her mental health struggles?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No one is required to serve the role of “convenient punching bag” for anyone. Where’s your apology? An actual apology would acknowledge the offense and promise to avoid repeating it. Everyone knows SIL will never stop the bad behavior, only pause it occasionally.” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – being verbally mistreated by your SIL is terrible. You shouldn’t have to put up with that. What you do for a living isn’t wrong. You and your husband are open about it and that’s your personal business.
Don’t let anyone make you feel bad about it. Mental illness or not you shouldn’t be taking her crap. Sometimes we need to build walls to protect ourselves. It’s unfortunate but necessary. If you need to cut ties with your SIL that’s your right.
How will she ever learn how to treat people if she’s always allowed to act like a jerk without consequence? She needs help but that’s not on you. If she wants a relationship she needs to apologize. If she can’t or isn’t willing that’s even more validation on why you don’t need her in your life.
Your husband can still have a relationship with her. Nothing is stopping him.” SweetNSourCat
Another User Comments:
“You are not the jerk. Sounds like your sister-in-law is jealous of you because you are not mentally unstable. Kudos to your husband for respecting your boundaries. And ignore his mother because she’s always made excuses for her daughter.
And will continue to do it.” dreadfullytruthful
5. AITJ For Confronting My Housemates About Using My Room Without Permission?
“Brief background on the housemates (using fake names), Jack (24m) and Carrie (22f) are a couple who I live with in this house.
I (21f) met them through a friend (26f) who I lived with last year and this year until she moved back home permanently.
Some background on their behavior towards me, they have been very cold towards me, avoiding me, excluding me, and making fun of my behavior behind my back to others (this behavior was mainly just me self-isolating due to my struggle with my mental health and going through therapy again which was bringing up a lot of traumas I hadn’t dealt with enough).
They have been comfortable “borrowing” my things and had been polite so I thought I was overthinking until someone made me aware of this. I brought up a conversation with all of them asking if I had done anything wrong, but they had no issues to bring up and made up excuses/ lies for their behavior, which I didn’t call out to avoid conflict.
Without going into more detail about their behavior towards me I’ll just get to the beginning of what happened, While I was back home Carrie messaged me to ask when I was thinking of returning home to which I told her “around the 2nd”. I ended up traveling back up on the 1st and when I arrived back they saw me and panicked, Jack went up into my room to take their pet guinea pigs out of my room, leaving a lot of hay over my floor.
I cleaned up the hay they had left on the floor and opened the window for the smell (the smell lingered for a week or two). I didn’t immediately ask why they did that as I had a 4-hour drive up on little sleep and was slightly hungover so I just wanted to relax before going to bed.
The next day there was a leak in the extension of the living room roof which I cleaned up and then went upstairs to take pictures of the roof from my room to send to the landlord. Jack and Carrie found the leak and immediately started blaming me to which I went downstairs to inform them I found that leak 2 minutes ago and that if they just looked in the pitcher they surely could tell how little water was in it.
Now this is where maybe I’m an A****e because it was poorly timed, I said “I’ve been meaning to ask you, why you didn’t ask to put the guinea pigs in my room?” to which Carrie immediately said that now was not the time but I ignored her and continued saying that if she had just asked I would’ve been fine with it.
To which Jack responded with something like they took “liberties” which I snapped back at how disrespectful they have been towards me and that I’ve tried to communicate with them but they cannot do the same. This angered both Carrie who made a dig at me for poor communication on the 2 minutes of me not telling them of the leak I cleaned up, and Jack as he was visibly frustrated and started yelling at me, “I don’t know you, I don’t like you” and referring to this question and the conversation I previously mentioned as me having another episode.”
Another User Comments:
“NTA but grow a spine dude this is just pathetic- they’ve stolen from you, wrecked your room, insulted you, not valued your space, and more. They’ve committed CRIMES!!! They have committed crimes against you and you let them walk over you, so stand up for yourself and don’t be a pushover, or else the rest of your life will be putting up with crazy people’s issues” User
Another User Comments:
“NTA. I had a terrible roommate at one point in my life. I’d come home from being out and find her friends sleeping in my bed. She said she thought I wouldn’t mind since I was supposed to spend the night elsewhere.
She let her brother move in. He didn’t pay rent, ate my food, and used my stuff in the bathroom. I’d come home to him banging random women on the couch in the living room. I couldn’t afford to move out right away so I swapped out my bedroom doorknob for a locking exterior type knob with a key, removed all my things from the bathroom and used a caddy to carry my things in and out with me, and bought a used mini fridge/freezer for my room.
When I moved out, I merely had to put the old knob back on the door. Mischief managed.” Choice_Mongoose2427
Another User Comments:
“People telling you to grow a spine don’t know what it’s like to not have one I don’t and truly wish I’d had therapy 45 years ago because my life would be drastically different if I was not so afraid Afraid of what exactly?
Not sure what that answer is but I’ll obscenely obsess about it for days before and months after I don’t know how to explain it but I get it Do whatever you have to get help with this. It’s more important than you know Big hugs” NormalFox6023
4. AITJ For Calling My Friend Psycho After She Suggested Revenge On My Roommate?
“I had a friend, Mari. We went on several outings together before I told her that I wasn’t feeling the connection.
I didn’t think we were compatible, but we could be friends instead.
She just uh gave off mean girl vibes and I have no interest in seeing a mean girl. She admits to being a bit of a mean girl, so I guess at least she owns it.
My best friend, Chris, is seeing someone that I knew he wasn’t compatible with. They weren’t compatible in bed, but also, they were two very different kinds of people. He loves to party and go out, she hates to leave the house.
We’re all in college and they met because they’re roommates.
I also live with them. It’s an apartment affiliated with the campus, so it’s different from normal apartments. You don’t pay bills, for one, but also your roommate not paying the rent doesn’t affect you, so you won’t get evicted, only they will.
But yeah, Chris wasn’t happy and ended up breaking up with her after several conversations.
There was a lot of crying, etc. I went to talk to go talk to her, ex-partner, since we were friends/roommates. Mari was there, which is strange because they’re not friends & she doesn’t live here. She was telling her that her ex was a giant jerk, and she shouldn’t have to live with him.
I talked to her and sympathized. I said I’m sorry she was going through a hard time, what do you want us to do. Chris’s ex said she wanted to move out, and for him to pay her rent. I said that wasn’t realistic we’re all college students.
He paid his rent through loans like hers. But we’ll talk to the RA, and come up with a strategy.
Mari said my bff should be the one to leave, he’s a jerk, etc and he broke up with her. I said we could ask about it.
The ex-partner ended up leaving the room to call the RA, and I told Mari that he didn’t do anything wrong. They weren’t compatible. She’s just sad, which is fair. Mari said yes, he did. It’s not okay to break up with someone over compatibility, only men do that.
I said that’s not the only reason he broke up with her, but if it was, there’s nothing wrong with it. My BFF, Gen, would break up with a guy if they were incompatible. It’s not a “man thing.”
But she said she didn’t know any woman who would do that and I was wrong.
She said my bff probably purposely decided to move in with her partner, so he could have her trapped.
I said he didn’t even know her before they moved in together. He didn’t do this on purpose.
What threw me off is that my ex-partner came back and said she talked to RA and they have no free rooms. She has to live here.
Mari said if that’s true, you should make his life miserable for the rest of the 6 months you’re living here. It’s his fault for breaking up with you, you should torture him for it.
My mouth dropped. I answered before I could stop myself, I said, “That’s psycho, what is wrong with you?
You’re making everything worse.”
This turned into a big fight where she screamed at me for calling her psycho and I just ended up leaving. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Mari has some issues. Admits she’s a mean girl and then tells the ex-partner to torture the man.
Makes sense. Also, her whole thing about not breaking up over incompatibility is bonkers. Of course, you break up with someone if you aren’t compatible when it comes to compatibility. Compatibility is one of the most important parts of a relationship, and to just accept that you don’t work together in that way is ridiculously naive.” Dark_Wing_350
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. This has nothing to do with you or Mari. Neither of you have any business in this situation. Both of you need to shut up and stop sharing your opinions with anyone. Your job is to be sympathetic and support your friend.” alk_adio_ost
3. AITJ For Cutting Off Contact With Friends Who Exclude Me?
“I (18f) have been part of a friend group consisting of 4 other girls my age (let’s call them Diane, Anna, Violet, Iris). Iris and Violet are twin sisters. Me and Iris have been best friends since first grade, while I met Diane and Anna in junior high school.
Anna was good friends with Diane and Anna and was also a friend of mine. I only knew Violet as Iris’ sister and Diane and I were barely acquaintances. So, for 2 years we all started hanging out together at school which resulted in creating a friend group.
This summer I’ve noticed that Diane and the twins (that’s what I’ll call Violet and Iris for brevity) would constantly go out with some of Diane and Anna’s friends without ever inviting me (Anna was on vacation for most of the summer). I was only ever invited once in June when I was not available, since then they never told me anything about hanging out.
They even went on vacation together to one of the guys’ vacation homes without telling me a word about it, even though I talked with them the day before.
Then, I learned from Anna that Diane was the one who arranged these meetings and who invited the twins whenever she hung out with the other friends and that when Anna asked her why she did not invite me, Diane told her: “It’s none of your business, you’re not even here”.
That’s when I decided to talk to the 3 girls about this issue and I asked them what’s their problem with me.
After I texted them on our group chat they told me that the reason was that I didn’t know the other guys that well, even though the twins didn’t know them either.
They also said that I had rejected plenty of their invitations so they decided to never invite me anyway. When I asked them to tell me when I rejected them they just changed the subject. Finally, I asked whether they would feel fine if they were in my position but all they did was say: “Fine, we’ll try to invite you more often”.
For a month after that discussion, they pretended that it never happened and they also went out together 2-3 without telling me again. They, also, once sent me a message to invite me but then they deleted it before I opened it. Anna advised me to get out of our shared group chat since there was no point in me staying and pretending I’m still friends with the others anymore, so I did that.
A couple of hours later Iris called me and asked me why I left the group chat, when I told her the reason she just said that what happened was not personal and that it’s natural for friendships and groups to evolve and change. She insisted that she still wanted to be friends and she didn’t seem to find any issue with what had happened, needless to say, she didn’t apologize.
I told her that I did not want to talk to them anymore and she just said that they would give me time.
So, am I the jerk for not wanting to have any contact with those 3 anymore?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There is some truth in what your friend said.
Friendships and groups do naturally evolve and change. But so do you. You have the right to decide who you become friends with and who you don’t want to. And honestly, it may not be forever. Sometimes friends have fallingouts and don’t speak for months or years until they move on or get over what happened. That’s all a part of life.” Star_Gazin
Another User Comments:
“Friendships come and go. And there are also different levels of friendships. From covering felony level to being nice to talk to now and then. It is not only a yes or no decision. Maybe they are no longer in the BFF area.
Maybe Anne is no longer a friend while the twins still are. But it is up to you to decide if you get enough back from what you put in. It is probably a bit immature, how you handled it, but you hopefully have about 75 of your life left. So plenty of time to learn to deal with this situation.
It probably was your first, so Absolut understandable behavior. NTJ” Unlucky-Start1343
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. At your age, a shift in friend groups is natural anyway. People start on different educations, meet new people who then become friends. Your interest may or may not change as you enter adulthood, and it would be very strange if everyone evolved in the same direction.
Besides, this particular group may not see you as much as a friend as you have been seeing them as friends in the past.” FragrantEconomist386
2. AITJ For Not Wanting To Go On A Family Beach Vacation With My Newborn?
“So I (30f) & my husband (30m) are expecting our first child in June.
We are over the moon but also a bit nervous about being new parents.
In June of last year, my husband’s sister and her husband were in a tragic motorcycle accident and unfortunately did not make it. They ended up leaving a bit of funds to my mother-in-law, who has decided that the best way to honor them would be to take a family vacation using the funds.
However, no trip had been planned yet.
At the end of August, my brother-in-law’s wife – let’s call her Amy – turns 40. My BIL – we can call him Chris – and his wife have two kids (both male 7 & 5) who have never been to the beach but desperately want to go.
A few weeks ago, my mother-in-law informed us that she, Amy, & Chris had been talking and had decided that they wanted to plan the above-mentioned family vacation to the beach at the end of August for Amy’s birthday. They want to drive to the beach which is a 14-hour drive.
I reminded them that my husband and I would have a newborn so I was apprehensive. They told me it would be fine and told me to quit worrying so much. I felt a bit ganged up on so I went along with it and also, a free trip to the beach does sound nice.
About a week later, after some thought and still a lot of anxiety, I brought up to them my logistical concerns. Mainly, I would need to feed the baby approximately every two hours, so we would have to stop every two hours of this 14-hour drive.
My MIL suggested we just take our newborn baby out of her car seat while the car was moving – my husband and I both very quickly and adamantly said we would not be doing that. Then, my MIL “jokingly” suggested that while the car is moving, I “take my chest out and lean over the car seat so baby can eat without having to remove the baby from the car seat.” My husband and I also quickly shut that down.
She then suggested that we fly while everyone else drives. This wasn’t a terrible idea but I’m not too sure how I feel about putting my barely two-month-old baby on a plane, going through an airport, etc. especially considering the germs and the fact that baby will barely have developed an immune system.
Further, travel isn’t my only concern. I am also concerned about my husband being able to take more time off of work after having just returned a few weeks prior from paternity leave. I will still be on maternity leave but am also anxious about how it’s going to look to my employer that I’m not ready to come back to work yet but am ready to travel with my newborn to the beach.
My selfish concern is that I’m just not going to have fun and this “vacation” will be anything but relaxing. I’m just not sure about the practicality of taking a newborn to a hot beach and that I will be stuck in the rental home the whole time.
Am I being selfish for not wanting to go? Am I being too much of a helicopter parent already?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- this is unreasonable for a newborn to have a newborn in a car seat for more than 40 minutes, let alone hours at a time.
Even stopping the car every two hours for a feed is a risk because the baby cannot hold its head up enough yet and it can block its airways in the curled car seat position. You will just be figuring out how to feed and settle your baby, going on such a big trip is the last thing you need. As a mum – don’t do it.
There will be nothing enjoyable or relaxing about it and those two young boys are going to be running around wild and waking up your baby every minute anyway. ” robottestsaretoohard
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are right about everything. The plane shouldn’t be much of an issue, to be honest (especially if you are breastfeeding) but all the rest will be: the car, the beach… And the big question: how is the accommodation?
Because at 2 or 3 months old, your baby might still wake up during the night for feeding, potentially waking up everyone, or keeping you awake to avoid waking up everyone. It would be difficult if it was planned last minute and at that time you would know if you feel like going, but that’s it: you never know!
It could be that everything goes smoothly with your baby and that traveling is not much of an issue, or it could be much more difficult. Every child is different. You need to have this discussion with your husband and let him talk to his mother.” slecoanet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ We traveled with a 7-week-old to my sister’s wedding. The trip was (usually) 3.5 hours each way. It took 5. Seems like the whole vehicle was filled with baby gear. Sure, couldn’t have fit in another couple. My husband did all the driving as I was babysitting.
She cried almost all the way. Both ways. It was heartbreaking. We’d stop. Soothe her. Put her in her seat. Start up. She’d start crying. I think she might have been car-sick at highway speeds. She generally didn’t cry during local trips. Or maybe it was because she was generally colicky during the period we had to travel.
We chose not to travel distances again until she was a few months older. Then we had no problems.” Holiday_Trainer_2657
1. AITJ For Not Helping My Partner Care For Her Uncle's Neglected Pets That She Brought Home Without My Consent?
“My (33M) partner’s (32F) Uncle has 2 cats and 1 dog. Their care has always been marginal at best. Unclean conditions, not seeing a vet, being unsocialized (even kept apart from each other), etc. Due to health issues, the Uncle has moved into an apartment for his care and the animals remained in his house with neighbors/family friends checking in on them occasionally.
This has not worked out.
We live an hour away and while in the area she checked on the pets and was taken aback by the conditions. We’re both huge animal lovers (4 cats and 3 dogs ourselves) and she didn’t feel like she could leave them like that.
Adding to this, the cold our area is experiencing caused the temp in the house to be far too low. I was at work when she called to get my thoughts on what she should do. I recommended she contact local rescue and humane society-type organizations.
She alluded to maybe bringing them to our place and I said I didn’t think that was a good idea, as we barely have space for the animals we have, setting up 3 other spots for these to have their own space just isn’t feasible. I could tell this wasn’t the response she was hoping for, she got very snippy with me and hung up without even saying goodbye.
About 4 hours later she is texting me about something else and slips in “Sorry in advance, but I went ahead and brought the 2 cats to our house, one is in the office, and one is in the downstairs bathroom. FYI the office cat may scratch” (paraphrased).
I was pretty annoyed at this point, having 2 rooms of the house now mostly inaccessible and extra litter boxes around, etc., but what I was most upset about was how she went about doing it. Hanging up on me when she didn’t like my answer and doing it anyway, not telling me until after it was done.
Now the part where I might be the jerk. After being told there were +2 cats in the house (hopefully temporarily, she said she would try to find them new homes ASAP) I was annoyed and my replies for the rest of the night were very terse.
I finished my shift, came home, and went straight to bed. She tried to talk to me about it, but I was tired, had a headache, and didn’t feel up to arguing. This morning she left 3 hours before I did and as I was getting ready for work she texted me asking me if I would mind feeding the cat in the bathroom.
In this same convo, she was asking me to reach out to an acquaintance who trains working dogs (think police k9) to see if he wants her uncle’s pit bull. I told her I didn’t think that would be a good fit and I wasn’t comfortable asking him, considering I hadn’t spoken to him in 8 months.
I replied that I would not mind and did not want to feed the cat. She replied with a very sarcastic “Thanks for the help.” I feel like she took on this responsibility against my advice and wishes and I am justified in not helping with their care.
I replied “Thanks for the sarcasm”. This was 3 hours ago and we haven’t spoken since. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here Especially the uncle. She shouldn’t have dropped this in your lap, but what if it were you who checked in on the pets in that condition?
Would you have felt okay leaving them? Have a little compassion for your partner, and for the pets she couldn’t abandon. And maybe make an effort to help her find them homes. As for not feeding a hungry cat, maybe you’re not the animal lover you say you are.” wordsmythy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and your partner handled an admittedly difficult situation about as poorly as she could have. You have no space or interest in caring for more cats and she decided to ignore those facts because she hoped it would be easier to ask forgiveness than permission.
You have every right to refuse to take on any care for them and to insist she find other homes for them immediately.” Ok_Childhood_9774
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here on the cats – I’d say you were entitled to a little righteous indignation the day of…but now you’ve slept on it and it’s time to help your partner deal with the situation and get the cats moved along.
NTJ on the dog but it would be more productive to say her suggestion for the dog isn’t a good fit…and then move the conversation forward by reintroducing the idea of contacting an animal shelter.” GXrtic
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