People Are Reluctant To Admit Wrongdoing In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For My Partner's Guinea Pigs?
“My partner had asked me a year ago if she could get guinea pigs.
She had told me that she would pay for them, pay for their cages, pay for their food, etc. I told her that I was okay with it, as long as she could find the space with natural light.
She is in online school full-time, so she is home all the time.
I work a lot and am not home often. She had told me that she wanted them because it would help her with feeling lonely at home while I’m at work.
A month ago, her mom had called her telling her that she found the “perfect guinea” for her, she grabbed her things and met her mom at the pet store.
She then came back home with all the pet supplies along with a guinea pig. She apologized, and reminded me of what the deal was, and that I had agreed to it. My standing didn’t change on it.
However, after a couple of weeks, she had been buying food, toys, pads, etc. She asked for me to pay half of the bill, and told me that the guinea pig was for us and not only her.
I was irritated but reminded her what she had said when asking me if it was okay to get one.
Fast forward to last weekend, she wanted to get a second guinea pig because they need to come in pairs, as they are a social animal, “human attention is not a substitute”.
The night before she was frustrated with her financial status because she is a student. I sent her money for half of her second guinea pig because I felt bad and knew that it would help her, and her guinea pig out.
My partner is now asking me to pay for half of all the pet stuff moving forward.
Because I helped her pay for her second guinea pig, so technically it’s “half mine”???
I reminded her again about what she had said when asking to get them. I also asked her “Why did you get them if you aren’t willing to pay for their needs?”.
I also told her “I paid for half of it to help you, and your current guinea pigs mental health out. I was being nice.” I didn’t want her not to get it because she didn’t want to pay the full $50 (or whatever the price is for one) and then her current guinea pig continues to be stressed, and depressed because it’s alone.
I fostered cats and dogs throughout the year, I told her that I have no problems going to the pet store and buying food once in awhile if she can’t, I am not inhumane. However, she brought them into my home under her conditions and is now trying to pull a 180 on me.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you shouldn’t have paid for the second guinea pig. Your partner knew before buying the first that they needed to be in pairs. She probably also knows how expensive they are. It’s a common myth that guinea pigs are cheap.
In reality, they are quite expensive. She should know that two guinea pigs will cost her about $100 a month in supplies. In addition to pads and bedding, you’ll want fresh veggies and a good source of vitamin C for them. They’ll need stuff to keep their teeth chew down.
You’re going to need stuff for me to stimulate. What happens if the guinea pigs don’t like each other and you need to have a second cage? She wasn’t ready to take them on. If she can not pay for them, she needs to return them.
I’ll never forget my friend who paid almost $600 when her guinea pig had a UTI. A wellness check is going to cost you a minimum of $50.” camebacklate
Another User Comments:
“If you want a pet, you need to do research on that pet and be able to afford that pet.
I have a cat because I wasn’t in a space where two guinea pigs were feasible for me – it’s one of the first things you learn about them when you do said research. The problem here is that maintaining boundaries is often more difficult than setting them, especially if you are known as a flexible or accommodating person (neither quality is a negative one, to be clear).
She 100% should pay and it was really irresponsible to only get one, then act like they’re “for both of you” when you made it abundantly clear multiple times that the pet was and is not your responsibility. NTJ but please do not let her push the responsibility on you.
Pets are great, but they’re also a lot of work, and as an adult, your partner should know that.” ZucchiniDependent797
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did great, though I’m not sure if you should have contributed toward the second pig. You and your partner had an agreement.
Those are her pets, not yours, it’s on her to take care of them. She can’t try changing the rules now that she’s aware of the reality of the situation. She doesn’t have the money or would prefer to spend it on other things, and that’s okay but she has to admit that to herself.
She bit off more than she could chew and it’s not up to you to save her, it’s not what you agreed to, and changing your mind would set a bad precedent for the future. Stick to your agreement.” EJ_1004
21. AITJ For Cancelling Internet And Phone Service I Paid For After My Mom Kicked Me Out?
“I was out with Mom, driving around in my car with my little cousin in the backseat. I had gotten us all McDonald’s and since my cousin is young and unable to feed themself, I took the time to feed them from the front passenger seat.
During this time, I placed my uneaten meal on the dashboard in front of me. My mother, the driver, said nothing about it.
An hour later, my mom was still driving – we were exiting a parking lot at a restaurant. She makes a quick, sharp turn out of the parking lot, pushing the (remnants) of my McDonald’s, in the bag, off the dashboard and into my lap.
Nothing fell from the bag, nothing spilled. Seems totally fine, right?
The first words out of her mouth were “You did this to me!” although what exactly I did is still unclear to me. Following that was a 45-minute rant from her as we drove home, picking at every aspect of my life like I’m some rat to dissect and dispose of.
I tried to cut in several times to say how that made me feel, only to be met by responses such as “Well, how do you think I feel” and “So? I gave up everything to care for you” which only furthered my discomfort. Not to mention, my cousin in her car seat had to witness all the onslaught.
A month later, Mom kicked me out. The last words she spoke to me were, and I quote, “I don’t love you anymore, don’t come back.” I took what I could and left immediately.
She began to call and text threats, and that’s when I realized, I still paid for the internet and phone service at her house.
I had begun paying it around 18, to “help support the household”, even though I was in high school with two part-time jobs. But I didn’t even live there anymore! So I went to the shop and got it cut off and refunded.
My mom ended up getting her husband to pay for a new phone and upgraded wifi for the house, all while continuing to bash me in private and on social media.
I started receiving texts from family members, asking why I ‘terminated’ HER service with no warning. A lot of them came at me for the ‘illegal’ activity of turning HER service off without warning.
Let me be very clear – both bills and plans were 100% in my name and fully paid by me and I still gave her a 48-hour heads up.
So here I am now, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“The McDonald’s thing is SUCH a minor part of this entire situation, it’s a bit laughable. Your mother said she doesn’t love you anymore and kicked you out and you’re worried if you spilled McDonald’s in her car?
No, NTJ. Also, if the utility services are under your name and you have been kicked out, I don’t see why anyone WOULDN’T expect you to cancel those services. So, no, NTJ for that either.” seregil42
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You really should not put anything on the dashboard of a car.
Things can go flying and hit people, and in some cases interfere with the passenger airbag. But NTJ for that and I think this was just some sort of trigger for your mom’s irrational rant and subsequent behavior. Also NTJ for not continuing to pay for the internet and phone service at a house where you no longer live.
It was not “without warning” as you gave them 48 hours’ notice. It’s always sad when a family breaks apart like this, but in your case, you did the right thing to preserve your own safety and mental health.” 1962Michael
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ.
Your mother is one. And that is all I can say. For all those relatives listening to her narrative take screenshots of mom’s demented texts to you and post them on social media for all to see. There is absolutely no reason for you to not correct the narrative.
People like your mom deserve to be outed. And I say this as a mother. She doesn’t deserve you. Please know you are not in any way, shape, or form, at fault here. Be strong. Surround yourself with people who love you. Stay safe.
I send you thousands of Internet Mom hugs.” PurpleStar1965
20. AITJ For Wanting To Complain About A Neighbor Using Our Building's Washers And Dryers For Her Laundry Business?
“My apartment has two “discounted” washers and dryers in the basement for the tenants. I say discounted because it’s fifty cents for each device, so way cheaper than the laundromat.
Anyway, for the past couple of weeks, I’m finding them almost constantly in use. There are only 4 apartments in my building, so it seemed crazy to me that anyone was using them that much.
It turns out a woman in our building who earns her income through working for different app services (like Instacart and Doordash) is now also working for an app where I guess she does people’s laundry.
I imagine she’s doing very well, too, based on how often she has the machines in use. I wanted to just talk to her about it but English doesn’t seem to be her thing, and she’s strangely tough to narrow down.
Anyway, our lease says you cannot use the appliances for friends and family but obviously says nothing about this since who would have thought about such a thing.
I want to complain to the landlord, but I don’t want to be that “Karen” who’s wrecking this woman’s livelihood when I could just drive two blocks up the road to do my laundry. I haven’t heard any complaints from either of the other apartments, so who knows if it’s just me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The machines are for tenants, not anyone else. There is also the fact that once your landlord realizes the extra water and electricity being used one of three things will happen 1) rent will be raised to compensate in your next renewal higher than it would’ve been anyway or 2) they will figure out the extra usage is from the laundry room and change out the machines to higher cost ones erasing the deal you’re getting or 3) they will figure out the extra usage is from the laundry room and simply remove the machines entirely with the justification that you can go down the street which will erase the deal you’re getting plus the convenience.” loki2002
Another User Comments:
“Tell the landlord that you are unable to access the machines as they are constantly in use. (He will have seen his revenue go up as well, I’m assuming.) He shouldn’t doubt your complaint. If he isn’t very forthcoming, tell him that someone is running a business with the machines.
Don’t feel guilty. That’s life. And the tenant who is monopolizing the machines is wrong to do so, who cares what she thinks? NTJ.” hadMcDofordinner
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The reason there’s only a friend’s and family limit is because it’s just dumb to use communal washers as a for-profit laundry.
I wouldn’t call this being a Karen. If you can drive 2 blocks to do personal laundry, then they can too, and pay the charge to use commercial machines. The building’s machines are meant for residents’ washing only. I’ve worked in a business run out of a home that required a lot of laundry.
6+ loads a day. We burned through a washer and/or dryer a year. During those times, I tossed bags into my car and sat in the laundromat. It was more expensive, but actually quicker. The way this person is running those machines is shortening their lifespan.
And who is management going to charge when they crap out early? Everyone.” Ryukai0424
19. AITJ For Telling My Younger Siblings I'm Not Their Dad?
“My parents had me (22m) at 19 and I was an only child for 6 years. Then they had three kids back to back who are now 16, 15 and 14. My parents were never the most attentive parents but did a better job with my younger siblings than they did with me.
But at some point, while my siblings were still really young they started to come to me like I was an adult instead of mom or dad and mom and dad let it happen. They were still there but my siblings would ask me to make them food or they’d ask me for money (I had none back then) or they’d want me to help with homework or they’d come to me if they struggled to do their chores.
It got annoying very quickly and I asked my parents to step in so I wasn’t always saying no or having a sibling throw a tantrum because I wasn’t acting more like an adult in the house who was there to do stuff for them.
My parents were there for the basics and if my siblings didn’t come to me, they’d deal with stuff, but otherwise, they seemed glad to not have to deal with all the parenting. They still weren’t as good with me as my siblings either. It was things like prioritizing supporting my siblings instead of me or making a big effort for their birthdays but not mine.
Christmas was another time it was super obvious because my siblings got gifts they wanted and I got needed stuff like hygiene products and socks. I brought it up to my parents when I was 15 and they used the excuse that they had me at 19 so they just didn’t know how to connect with me the same and didn’t have the means to provide for me like they did my siblings.
When I learned how to drive and started working my siblings relying on me got worse. They wanted me to drive them places, give them money, they wanted me to take them to school and pick them up, they would expect me to buy birthday gifts for their friends and take them shopping for that stuff.
My youngest sibling even asked me to be a parent chaperone on a field trip when I was only 16. It was suffocating and my siblings could not be spoken to about it. They just wanted me to be the dad. They even called me dad sometimes.
I was desperate to get out and I was lucky my partner’s family let me move in with them. Once I left I tried to better enforce my boundaries and create distance but they still wanted me there and they’d cry down the phone about me leaving and not being there for stuff.
Now that my siblings are teens I tried to talk to them about it again but my sister (16) said I had to do these things because I’m supposed to. I asked her why I was supposed to and she said because you’re basically our dad.
My brothers agreed. I admit it angered me and I told them in a firm and angry tone that I am not their dad and they need to stop acting like I’m their parent because I’m their sibling, the oldest sure, but I’m not their parent and I’m not responsible for them.
They said I was a jerk and I should like taking care of them.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“They were 19 when they didn’t know any better way to raise you. What is their excuse now? Stand up for yourself and call out your parents for basically forcing a parent role on you.
Your siblings are not completely innocent but they are not the jerks either, your parents are. You will need to sit them down and explain clearly why your family dynamics are not okay and why you can’t meet their needs like they want you to.” ShokoMaki76
Another User Comments:
“The 16-year-old is now the oldest and is the same age you were when you were asked to be ‘Dad’. She should be able to empathize with your situation. Break it down for her – ask her to do all the things you were asked to do at that age.
When she asks something of you – ask something of her that you would have been asked to do at her age. You want me to do x? Right after you do y, as I was doing at your age. You don’t want to do y?
Why is that? Is it because y is unreasonable for a teen and is a parent’s job? So we agree, forcing me to be a parent at age 16 was unreasonable. Some people have to be told to do the thought experiment – imagine you were me – to empathize or see another perspective.” Ambitious_Ad1844
Another User Comments:
“You’re never the jerk for having normal boundaries. Your parents most likely have told your kids over the years to ask your brother for everything they were too tired/lazy/busy to do. You, at a young age, wanted to help your siblings.
As you got older, the kids were probably getting the same response/no response/unfavorable response, so they learned from a young age that you (used to) give “better” responses. They adopted you as a parent, and your parents accepted and probably encouraged that. Focus on your life with your SO and possibly go NC for a couple of years until the oldest turns 18.
Then reach out and see if they want a relationship. Otherwise, you will resent them even more than you do now. (Experience talking).” AbsurdDaisy
18. AITJ For Expecting My Daughter To Pay For Her Phone Upgrade?
“I have two adult kids just out on their own. I allowed them to stay on my family phone plan. VZ keeps sending me upgrade offers, but I always buy decent budget phones outright, I don’t like using their phones, the higher payment, and they always force you to change your plan, so I ignore them.
Then they started sending upgrade offers to the other phones on my plan, to my kids. My daughter saw this and started going on nonstop about getting a new phone.
They offered full trade-in value on her phone, which I expected to be false advertising.
We went into the store, as expected they offered her almost nothing for her trade-in and said we HAD to change the plan to get a new phone. When all was said and done, it would cost an extra 30+/month. I said ok, as long as you pay the difference.
She paid the upfront cost at the store, and the first month, then just stopped paying, despite me repeatedly mentioning it. I’m about to raise a stink about it.”
Another User Comments:
“It’s your phone plan, your condition to keep paying for it. If they aren’t going to keep up that agreement, remind them of the agreement, and failure to keep their end of the bargain should result in you removing that phone from your plan altogether.
That way, you save the price of a whole phone line on your monthly expenses instead of paying more for something you didn’t want to shell out in the first place.” neophenx
Another User Comments:
“Pause her account, tell her she has to pay for her bill that she said she’d pay for.
(After all, she’s getting a deal by being on your plan.) And if she doesn’t, cancel her line. If there’s a charge for cancellation, add that to her bill. If she’s an adult living on her own, she should know by now that there are bills SHE needs to budget & PAY for.
I would think she would put a priority on her phone bill.” Quirky-n-Creative1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she wanted the upgrade and agreed to pay the difference, not sure how much of a difference it is, but considering the plan was changed and she probably got one of the newest phones they offer like an iPhone15 or newer, then yes, she should be expected to pay for the cost of her phone.
I would threaten to cancel or suspend her phone line until she has paid you for what she owes you or can make payments towards her phone.” Exotic_Flight_6179
17. AITJ For Keeping My Neighbor's Soccer Ball That Landed On My Balcony To Get Some Sleep?
“I live on the 3rd floor of an apartment building and the family below me has a little boy who loves to kick his soccer ball around all day. He kicks it against the side of the building, against the inside walls of his apartment, slams it into the ceiling (my floor), and throws it onto the roof.
This isn’t just loud; it shakes my entire apartment. I work a night shift, and this makes it impossible for me to sleep.
By chance, he kicked his soccer ball onto my balcony, and I just haven’t given it back. It’s been two days, and he has been knocking on my door continuously for those two days.
He knocked (beat) on my door for two hours straight today, and at least once every hour after that. The thing is, I can sleep through someone knocking on my door, I can’t sleep through my apartment shaking. I was finally able to sleep a full 8 hours today and I really don’t want that to go away.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. One day I heard my back gate slam shut. I went outside to see the neighbor kids running into their yard with their ball. I went next door and told their mom what happened, and said next time they could ask me to get their ball because I didn’t want them around my dogs, or accidentally letting them out.
She said her boys were never in my yard. Okay… A few days later I came home from work to find my back gate open and my dogs gone. The gate must not have been open for very long, since it only took me 45 minutes to find them half a mile away.
After I got them in the yard, I had another conversation with their mom during which she again told me her boys were not in my yard. I went straight to the hardware store, bought a lock, and fitted it. The next day, I came home and found a ball in my backyard.
I brought it into the house, stabbed it with a pair of scissors, and threw it in the garbage. About ten minutes later, my neighbor came over and asked for her boys’ ball. I said I hadn’t seen it, to which she said they had kicked it over the fence into my yard.
I said, “I haven’t seen their ball, just like they didn’t come into my yard without permission and let my dogs out.” She walked away without saying a word, and she never spoke to me again for two years until I moved. Bliss. Long story short, forget them kids.” Ready-Training-2192
Another User Comments:
“Whilst I understand your frustration and how annoying it must be, no communication has been made on your end to the family or management of this which I think is a must. I will still say NTJ in this instance as there is no consideration nor discipline from the child or parents in this case.
It is not fair you’re not able to get a good sleep because of an undisciplined kid.” Unable_Cherry_8495
Another User Comments:
“You sound like a very laid-back, considerate person. If it’s feasible, here’s a solution: Get the kid the cheapest, thrifted soccer goal you can find.
Put it somewhere where his playing won’t bother you. You’d be the hero, and one that can sleep, during the day. And you wouldn’t feel bad, which is a win for you as well. Other DIY stuff that might work, is a wooden board with holes in it.
A number of ‘points’ painted above each hole, so when he shoots the ball and it passes through a hole, he scores x points. You might be contributing to him getting incredibly good at it. Anyway, NTJ. Hope you continue to get some undisturbed sleep.” Special_Lychee_6847
16. AITJ For Refusing To Clean Up My Mother's Mess After She Ruined My Deep Clean?
“I (21F) am feeling really frustrated and could use some perspective on whether I’m in the wrong here.
Last Thursday, my mother (42F) had a minor operation (uterine polyp removal).
Since she was going to be resting, I decided it was a perfect time to do a deep clean of the house. I woke up early at 7 AM and started cleaning immediately. Around 9:30 AM, I had to rush to the vet because my cat wasn’t feeling well, but I was back home and cleaning again by 11:30.
I spent the entire day cleaning, only taking a break to make dinner, and finished everything by 6 PM.
When my mother came back at 7 PM, she was very happy with the job I had done. The next day, she decided to do her version of a “deep clean,” which involved remaking the beds and mopping the floor, while complaining the whole time.
By Sunday, I had managed to keep the house clean since I work from home and was very proud of my efforts. However, my mother decided to make a video recipe for her YouTube channel that day. The kitchen was left in an absolute mess—dirty floors, a sink full of pots and basins, and spots everywhere.
I wasn’t feeling well, so I went to bed early that night.
This morning, I woke up to the disaster in the kitchen. I was so overwhelmed and couldn’t believe my eyes. All my hard work was undone, and it looked like it would take me hours to clean everything up again.
So, I made myself a coffee and went back to my work, leaving the mess as it was.
When my mother came back from work, she started attacking me for leaving the kitchen in such a state. I bit back, telling her it was her mess and that I felt disrespected after all the hard work I had put in to keep the house clean.
She replied that it’s my job to clean since I work from home. This isn’t the first time I’ve had to clean up after her (she works as a cook and has people to clean after her at work).
I know she isn’t going to clean it, and I’ll probably end up doing it tomorrow, but I wanted to stand my ground for once.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “You work from home” is the sorriest excuse. She is trying to control the narrative so you are the bad guy. BUT. You know better. She is a grown adult acting like a toddler. She should be able to clean up her own mess.
I do think there used to be more to the story. Who pays the bills? The overall plan for managing the work. But her response is pure manipulation.” qlt_ml_01
Another User Comments:
“Use this mess as an opening to have a conversation about sharing the work of running the home.
Perhaps suggest you clean the kitchen together as a reset. I know people who work from home who sometimes leave and work at the library, for example, to make the point that they are working and not available for at-home chores.” Firm-Molasses-4913
Another User Comments:
“I know that you said you clean it for you, but if you can grit your teeth, I would not do it this time. She CANNOT do a video with a dirty kitchen. Sooner or later she has to clean it if she wants to and she needs to take responsibility for herself.
She counts on the fact that you will do it and she’s actively gloating about it. The longer you can not do it, the better for you. I do hope you get out of there soon for your own sanity. NTJ.” corgihuntress
15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Babysit My Friend's Neglected Baby?
“My friend, let’s call her J, has an 8-month-old baby girl. I have a 3 and 2-year-old. Recently, J left her baby at my house for what was supposed to be a 30-minute down the road from my home after being fired from her previous job.
She was gone for FIVE hours. She didn’t leave a bottle, hadn’t fed her since 6 am (dropped her off at 8:30), and only left one diaper. I called her multiple times and she didn’t respond. When she got back, she didn’t say sorry or anything. She laughed about it.
Fast forward to now, she’s taken another job and is asking me (more like assuming I will) to provide daycare for this baby. I wouldn’t mind, however, this whole interaction made me very VERY uncomfortable. I’ve also been given the opportunity to go part time this summer, as my sister-in-law could babysit.
I want to take that opportunity but I feel like a jerk? Basically WIBTJ if I took the hours and told her I’m unable to watch her baby? ALSO – she took the job before asking me about my availability.”
Another User Comments:
“Omg, you would not be the jerk by any means.
What your friend did was extremely concerning. No parent of an 8-month-old baby should be leaving it with a friend for “30 minutes” and then disappearing for FIVE HOURS without any communication. And without any sort of food source or diapers?!?!? That’s seriously neglectful and I would be concerned about her parenting in general if she was willing to do this and laugh it off.” Far_Quantity_6133
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t do it. Also if mum tries to pull this nonsense again, call the police as she has essentially abandoned and neglected baby (dirty diaper, no food, not ensuring (ie. Checking with you) proper care) by leaving her with you for far longer than agreed upon.
I would be concerned for the little one’s welfare when it’s just baby and mum alone.” East-Librarian-2214
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her behavior the first time you watched her baby is extremely concerning and I wonder if there’s further neglect going on. This reminds me so much of the recent case of the woman who left her baby home for 11 days by herself to go on vacation.
Leading up to it she would do similar things, leaving her baby with a neighbor for a “weekend” that would turn into a month and a half. You should not agree to this and maybe consider keeping an eye out and contacting authorities if you notice anything concerning with her behavior.” becbagelbb
14. AITJ For Avoiding My DIL Due To Her Overreactions, Leading To Others Doing The Same?
“This started about three years ago when my son got married. My daughter-in-law, Jenny, is very opinionated and doesn’t handle any slight well. She claims it is due to growing up and having to be very loud in order to have someone pay attention to her.
She was in a family of all boys and during any issue she goes to 100% percent.
This is a problem, any time she has a small issue she will escalate it very quickly. This has caused about half of the outings to be ruined. It’s like she thinks everyone is out to get her and a small slight will set her off.
She can never just keep her mouth shut. Everything needs a reaction from her.
A few examples, a mix-up at the coffee shop for her drink, a waiter seemed impatient, and someone pushing past her. These situations at most need a polite request to fix (like her drink) or just ignore.
Instead, she is just a jerk. It is an awful feeling to leave and know I shouldn’t step back on that place for at least 6 months.
I tried to talk to her about the issue and it didn’t go well. I tried to talk to my son and nothing on that front.
So I stopped going to small family events that she is invited to, I still go to big ones like holidays. My life has been better for it. People noticed and when asked I told them the truth. Over time people stopped inviting her or stopped going to events.
She invited people to go to the city on the Fourth of July. Everyone turned her down. She asked around and it came back to me.
I got a call from my son telling me to fix this. That I am a huge bully and caused this.
That his wife has been upset since and got in a few arguments with family members.
I told him no, and I told him a while ago that her behavior was horrible. That this isn’t my problem.
He called me some lovely names and I am doubting myself.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You took yourself out of uncomfortable situations. It’s not your fault that others followed by example because they share similar sentiments about her behavior. Her excuse for her behavior is not reasonable, nor should it be accepted. She doesn’t want to work on being a better person.
You can’t force her to improve her behavior. “Got in a few arguments with family members” – sounds about right. She has no self-awareness, and maybe some time to reflect will do her some good, she’s done this to herself.” BulbasaurRanch
Another User Comments:
“So you tried talking through the problem with her. She reacted in her usual delightful fashion. You then tried talking through the problem with your son and he did absolutely nothing. After trying to take the polite route, and being ignored, you found a solution that worked perfectly for you and didn’t cause anyone any harm or insult.
Other people saw how effective it was and also opted to use this solution and still your son and his wife didn’t address the issue thus leading to their exclusion. You didn’t do anything wrong. They could have avoided this by listening and being adults about it but that was too much effort so nuts to them.
NTJ.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People like this are miserable to go out with. Funnily enough, my mother-in-law is like this. Any slight (perceived or otherwise) is met with a HUGE overreaction. At her most recent birthday, we took her to a restaurant she told us she LOVES.
However, she was rude to the waitstaff the entire time because the owner once gave her a funny look (she says) like two weeks before her birthday dinner. The dinner came to a head when the server forgot to give us a dessert menu. My mother-in-law LOUDLY reminded her about the dessert menu, and when the poor server asked her if she wants one, she says “No I just want the check so we can get out of here.” With a nasty tone.
I was MORTIFIED. This is a constant issue with her.” Opposite_Archer6196
13. AITJ For Wanting A Separate Hotel Room On A Family Vacation?
“I’ve been with my partner for 4 years now and love him and his family. His mom is planning a trip to Hawaii for the whole family. This includes us two, his parents, his brother and wife, their 6-year-old, and both of his aunts. The trip is for 7 days and they wanted to all stay in a house together.
I suggested just getting our own hotel room so we can have some privacy considering we will be with everyone the entire trip, I’d like to have space at some point. I think about a 7-day beautiful vacation and want to be able to have some alone time with my partner as well as a space to feel comfortable going to the bathroom and just a little break in between things.
I’m a high-anxiety person and also have IBS so I need frequent bathroom trips that aren’t very pretty. I told my partner I would just feel more comfortable being able to have my own bathroom. His nephew is also so cute but whenever I’m around, even on the last vacation we went on, he just wants me to play with him the whole time which is super sweet but I want to be able to relax and do the adult activities like everyone else too.
I notice that every time I go to get-togethers I am in the backyard playing with the kid while everyone else sits and mingles and has their drinks. It can be kind of exhausting. Staying in a house for 7 days I know that will be the case.
I’ll feel like a babysitter the whole time.
Another piece of information that is making me feel slightly uncomfortable is the eating situation at the house. His mom is very kind and I know cares about me but made a comment on the last trip that really came off the wrong way and has made me feel slightly uncomfortable.
She made a comment because I was snacking in the middle of the night and said “well no wonder you’re gaining weight”. Tbh, I want to be able to snack whenever I want on vacation without feeling judged and my own hotel room will allow this.
My partner doesn’t agree with me on getting our own place. Am I being ungrateful?! If it was a two-day vacation I’d be willing to******* up but 7 days is a really long time.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but let me say this. I went to Hawaii with family and we rented a house.
We each had our own room in the house. I had the pool house to myself with a king bed. My cousin and her husband had the master on one side of the house and my two sisters each got a room on the other side of the house.
We each did our own things at times and then did things as a group at other times. For example, my sister and her husband were gone by themselves for a whole day on the Road to Hana. they were gone when I woke up and didn’t get back till late evening.
My cousin and her husband went out for their anniversary by themselves. There was a day I stayed back at the house myself because I was exhausted while everyone else went out and did activities. I hung out by myself at the pool and took a nap.” TheDarkHelmet1985
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for wanting some space and a separate hotel room. But I will say, that for some of the other scenarios you describe you can make some different choices. You say you are often the only one in the backyard playing with the kids while others drink and mingle.
You can choose to stay sitting and drinking and mingling with the adults and not play with the kids. Or play with the kids for a little if you want then tap out. If you do end up staying in the house this trip or on another vacation and find you need some time to yourself you can always excuse yourself and go to your room or to another quiet place to be alone for a while, or go for a solo walk or outing.
Having the alone time and a chance to recharge is important and you can make it happen. I hope you are able to enjoy your trip.” Routine-Focus-9429
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think if you are paying for your own flights and hotel, you should be able to do it without repercussions.
As far as feeling like you are babysitting, maybe spend 15 minutes with the child and say you’re going to go do… whatever. The parents will then have to watch their child. Also, realize this is a compliment from the child that they love spending time with you.
I would just make sure to spend the majority of the time at the house with the rest of the family. It’s understandable if you get overstimulated and have IBS. Maybe speak to your SO’s mom privately about that so she understands your desire for some space.
It sounds like a wonderful trip.” LauretaBloomer
12. AITJ For Not Calling My Brother's Fiancée His Spouse?
“My brother has been with his now fiancée for over 10 years. They got engaged about 3 years ago. There is no wedding date set and when people ask, they say they are in no rush to marry.
Since they are not married, my family calls her his fiancée.
She wants to be considered his spouse. I have other siblings who are married and she considers herself the same as a sister-in-law or brother-in-law.
My brother also has a child from a previous relationship. We know my brother’s fiancée loves his daughter but we don’t call her my niece’s step-mom.
My niece had a baby and we don’t call her grandma either.
The fiancée says this hurts her feelings but my whole family disagrees with her wanting these titles. She says her family calls my brother her spouse, so we should too. Even though my family isn’t old-fashioned, we figured they haven’t gotten married for a reason, and if they aren’t in a rush to marry, why would we use the married terms for her?
Additionally, we would do this if any of my other siblings were in this situation. It had nothing to do with her personally.
So, am I (and the rest of my family) a jerk for not taking her feelings into account?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I think if her feelings matter then so should everyone else’s who do not feel like addressing her by these terms. 10 years or not… if you aren’t married, you don’t get spousal titles. You could get them if people feel that way about you or feel close enough to you to address you as such… but it’s not something you should expect.
Even your brother’s child doesn’t call her step-mom so literally no one thinks she should have those titles except her. I understand what other people are saying, but I think it’s totally the choice of the other people to call her/not call her that… her feelings might be hurt but oh well.” Anshi_28
Another User Comments:
“I’m not going to call either you or your family jerks but I am going to tell you a little bit about my family, just to point out that being a family doesn’t have to have a specific definition. I have a brother and a sister.
So does my partner of almost 30 years. His mum thinks of me as her daughter-in-law and my mum thinks of him as her son-in-law. He is brother-in-law to my siblings, I am sister-in-law to his siblings. None of us are currently married but we are all in long-term relationships (35 years down to 15 years).
My partner is uncle to my brother’s children and I am auntie to his siblings’ children. None of us have ever believed that a marriage license makes you family but we all believe that love makes you a family. Not everyone is the same and that’s ok but hurting someone because they haven’t had a wedding is not really ok.” chez2202
Another User Comments:
“She’s entitled to feel what she feels and you & fam are entitled to feel what you feel. If you don’t view her as his spouse and just the fiance or long-term partner then that’s fine. If getting married doesn’t really matter to her then neither should titles.
They are all just labels. As long as you all aren’t rude to her and exclude her then I don’t see a problem with it.” Rude-Royal-5043
11. AITJ For Not Wanting My Partner To Host A Party With Strangers In Our House?
“So, I, 24M, am in a relationship and living with Anna, 27F.
Anna is a bit more outgoing than I am, choosing to make friends with a far larger group of friends than me, while I prefer to stick to a tried-and-tested close-knit group. I’ve always admired her ability to give her entire life story to people she met 30 seconds ago, but unfortunately, that is not me.
Both Anna and I like to bring friends home from time to time, usually just 3-4, though. Yesterday, Anna told me she was going to have some friends over, so out of curiosity I asked who (she knows all my friends by name and I’ve picked up a few of hers).
She named 3 and then said she didn’t know ‘all of them’. I was a little bit surprised and asked what she meant by that, did she plan to invite people into our home whose names she didn’t know?
She told me it was fine, it was just 8-9 girls and she didn’t want to leave anyone out.
She met 2 of them last night and they just clicked immediately, she was just intoxicated and forgot to ask their names but they were also friends with her other friends so it was fine.
I don’t want random unnamed strangers in my house. I told her that more than 6 people, especially if you don’t know all their names was a party and I’m not hosting a party on a work night.
She said I wouldn’t have to do anything, she’ll handle them on her own. I told her she could find someplace else because I’m not having them in my house.
She told me she has equal rights to have people of her choosing in our house and she wanted them.
I told her it was our house, not her friend’s and she can’t host them without agreement from both parties. She’s calling me a controlling jerk, and is furious, saying she’ll never let any of my friends come over ever again.
I think it’s a different situation, a few people you know, rather than some random strangers you met last night at a bar.
But maybe I’m being biased, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ because you seem to think you’re better than your SO for being an introvert. “I’ve always admired how she can give her life story to people she met 30 seconds ago” is a backhanded compliment, and not even a subtle one… The difference between 6 and 8-9 is only 2-3 people, the 2 people she hasn’t gotten to know well yet.
So it feels like you don’t really care about the number, it’s more so the fact that she doesn’t know their names (which in all honesty, some people are just bad with names? It doesn’t mean they’re stranger strangers..) You should probably be going out with someone you don’t look down on.” manticorp98
Another User Comments:
“Esh – You’re both wrong! She should have asked since it’s a weeknight. You should have said I wish you’d ask before inviting so many people on a weeknight. Agree to people over but have them leave at a reasonable hour.
No, I wouldn’t like strange people over but she met them through her normal group. This is the impulsive outgoing person you love. Is this a hill you want to die on?” Appropriate_Art_3863
Another User Comments:
“ESH – you’re being dramatic; these ladies are not “random strangers”.
They are strangers, but not random. They are the friends of your SO’s already-established friend group. It’s no different than hosting a dinner party and inviting your friends and they bring their partners that you have never met. She is being a jerk to try and host so many people on a work night without considering you.” No-Abies-1232
10. AITJ For Ruining My Ex And His New Partner's TikTok Careers After They Spread Lies About Me?
“I (25f) was in a relationship with “Jake”(24m) from 2017-2020. It was a friendly breakup because we both knew it wasn’t working out. I’ve spoken to Jake twice since the breakup, literally the awkward “hi, how are you” that’s it.
I don’t even live in the same town as Jake anymore.
Fast forward to January, I started getting hate on TikTok/Instagram and my business got bad reviews. Now I know I don’t do anything on social media to get hate so I was confused. One person was decent enough to ask me my side.
I was like “what side?” Then she showed me the TikToks Jake and his new partner “Becca”(20f) were making about me. They were making it look like I was a crazy ex who wasn’t over him and I was bullying Becca. Guys, I didn’t even know Becca existed and when I tried to message Jake, I found he blocked me.
This went on for two months, they’d make a random TikTok or talk bad about me on live.
Becca is a micro influencer in my country so I would get hate to the point I even had to go private on social media which hurt me financially.
So in March, Becca made a post comparing us on looks and she didn’t get the reaction she wanted. She tried to say I sent people to body shame her to get me hate and boy did I get hate, so I said forget it and made a post with proof clearing my name, it didn’t go viral but enough people had seen it to “ruin” Jake and Becca’s TikTok careers.
I’ve had peace since and more customers since.
Well, Becca reached out to me Wednesday (I don’t know how she got my number) saying she relied on TikTok especially gifts from lives as income. She basically wanted me to make a TikTok saying I spoke to her, she apologized, I forgave her, and tell people to think of others’ mental health when spreading hate online.
I literally busted out laughing like she didn’t apologize nor was the reason behind the TikToks excusable. Becca ended crying telling me I ruined her life then hung up. I’ve gotten messages from I’m assuming Becca’s friends calling me a jerk (and more) for laughing at someone having a mental health crisis clearly begging me for help.”
Another User Comments:
“So she did her best to ruin your business and bully you, repeatedly, with absolutely zero provocation. The drama was probably just to drum up views she couldn’t earn in a more honest or interesting way. And when she did enough damage that you finally said “that’s enough, I’m posting my side of this to clear my name,“ she was destroyed by her own lies.
And she expects you to fix this? Seems like the definition of FAFO to me. You owe her nothing. NTJ.” KaliTheBlaze
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Make another TikTok talking about what she wanted you to do to just end it! She and your ex are immature and classic “fake outrage” tiktockers.
I hope that you have copies of all of the horrible TTs. It might be worth getting a lawyer to draft and cease and desist letter indicating they’re posting fraudulent info about you and your business and if they do not stop immediately, you will sue them for damages.
Keep track of every interaction, approximately how much you’ve lost because of it, etc.” Interesting-Fail8654
Another User Comments:
“NTJ don’t apologize. I’m concerned at how they just found your phone number and started inviting themselves and their friends to text you. Granted, you own a business.
Do you use your personal number as your business number? Also is there any way to sue for defamation of character? Or even harassment? Becca is incredibly immature and so is your ex.” princesstoadstool3
9. AITJ For Not Wanting To Attend An Expensive Destination Wedding?
“So the story goes, the wife and I were invited by a Dr friend who is having a destination wedding, they make about (I guess) 400k combined with the fiancée.
We make about 180-200k. We looked up the hotel where we must stay to attend and it is 1600 a night, I think this is absurd as we must stay 3 nights minimum. The most I’ve ever paid for a night is 500-600.
Am I overreacting?
Is it just because I don’t make MD money? To be honest the thing that bothered me the most is that the “luxury hotel” doesn’t even pick you up from the airport 30 min drive… tell me am I being cheap or am I being reasonable… the wife and I are on the same page…”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friend is a little insane to think it’s reasonable to expect anyone to spend 10k to attend his wedding (guestimate of airfare, ground transportation , absurdly expensive lodging, food, tips & taxes)….and probably expects a gift on top of that.
If I am spending 10 grand on a vacation, I am going to be choosing the timing and destination. The good news is that you don’t need to explain anything, you just need to decline the invitation & wish them well. My entire wedding was only about 5 grand, would probably cost 10 grand now.” rapt2right
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I am so sick of these people who just expect everyone to go to a destination wedding. Question for you, are you close to this friend or is it more of the acquaintance kind…If you’re just “friends” you don’t have to go.
If it was me, I look at it in the way of how close I am to the bride/groom. If you can’t afford it, don’t go. Send a gift. Let’s add up your expenses and then you decide if you want to go. Airfare, get your own way to the “luxury” hotel, $1600p/n x 3, you would probably have to spend around $ 7500 to $10,000….is that worth it to attend a friend’s wedding?” ReactionUsed4226
Another User Comments:
“Honestly, OP – no jerks here. I find it interesting that your nose is really out of joint over the luxury hotel not picking you up from the airport, but at the end of the day, that’s neither here nor there. You’re not a jerk for not wanting to spend this kind of money to attend a destination wedding.
Just the hotel itself is expensive. I am assuming the flights will also be expensive, plus other incidentals. It would be a costly trip. However, your friends are also not the jerks – they planned the wedding they wanted, and those plans aren’t required to cater to other people’s desires or expectations.
As long as it is within their means and they aren’t, idk, releasing a bunch of toxins in water as part of the ceremony, I generally have learned to shrug off people hosting events that seem outlandish/over the top/crazy expensive to me. It doesn’t make sense to me, but I am not their target demographic so it does not need to make sense to me.
I can shrug and go about my day. One of people’s favorite sayings, “An invitation is not a summons” applies here. You can RSVP no. You can follow up in a conversation saying that it didn’t work out for you but you’d love to celebrate with them locally if they plan on hosting something after the fact.
Congratulate them. Go on with your day.” Dramatic_Attempt4318
8. AITJ For Using The Dryer After My Housemate's Child Is Asleep?
“I live with coupled housemates and their almost 3-year-old.
I work 5 days a week doing 9-hour shifts between 6:30-6:30 and one of my housemates also works 5 days, the other is a stay-at-home mum but will work 2 half days throughout the week.
Often I will try to get all my washing done on a Saturday morning, but frequently my housemates choose to do washing on a Saturday too.
Meaning my washing gets pushed to the afternoon/evening resulting in my washing needing to be in the dryer during the same time the child goes down to sleep at 6:30. I feel they need to use the 3-5 other days a week depending on her work schedule to get their washing done.
They regularly ask me not to use the dryer after their child is going to sleep or once she is asleep. But when I work full time and get home at 6:30 that means I am not allowed to do any washing after I get home throughout the work week.
I completely understand I need to be respectful of their child and not make excess noises when she is sleeping, I can assure you I am by no means a noisy housemate as I spend the little spare time I have in my bedroom sleeping.
I also make sure to wait until the child is asleep before I turn the dryer on just in case it disrupts her falling asleep. Every time I have had the dryer running while she is sleeping she has never woken up, but they still don’t want it on.
I just simply can’t understand why the dryer is a problem at all. She sleeps in her own bedroom with constant white noise playing, with the bedroom door shut, and typically will not wake up until it’s morning – the child is a good sleeper.
The dryer is in the laundry behind a closed door. With the door shut, it isn’t disruptive.
When I work an earlier shift in the week it’s not a problem as I can do washing then, and in summer this isn’t really a problem as I can hang all my clothes up to dry, but at the moment in winter everything takes so long to air dry it starts to get that wet dog smell while it’s drying, meaning I need to use the dryer.
I don’t think that the dryer is a disturbance as the child has never woken up when the dryer has been running. Am I the jerk for using the dryer after she has fallen asleep, am I being unreasonable?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No way.
Unless you’re putting work boots tumbling around like cinder blocks in there, dryers aren’t loud, and who cares if they are anyway it’s not a big deal. One of them is home most of the time. If they’re going to make demands on when you can use the laundry facilities, they need to do laundry during the week and let you do it on Saturday mornings when you prefer to and won’t conflict with whatever they think the noise problem is.” dart1126
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Demand free usage of the laundry on Saturday mornings. They can’t have their cake and eat it too. The roommate who is home during the workday can use the machines freely. She cannot then expect you to let her use them as well on Saturday mornings since she makes a fuss about her child’s sleep.
If this doesn’t work, go to a laundromat and deduce the amount you spend there from water and electricity bills you help to pay.” hadMcDofordinner
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Unless the dryer is shaking the entire house and rattling loudly due to needing a part, they’ll be fine.
Especially since they have a white noise machine. If anything, using that white noise machine constantly will just make the child dependent on it. Resulting in them not only a sensitive and light sleeper but not being able to sleep without it as they get older.
When I dry my pillows, I put tennis balls inside of the dryer to fluff them. However, due to the noise, I do it in the mornings.” Careful-Listen2277
7. AITJ For Giving My Expensive Jacket To My Oldest Son?
“I (40m) have a son (13m) with my wife (39f). A while back I bought a jacket, a pretty expensive one, but I didn’t really like it, so I just threw it into the closet and decided I’d just give it to any of my kids once they fit in it.
Our son now fits in the jacket. A couple of days ago I brought it out and told him to try it. He fits in the jacket, and he really likes it so I told him he could keep it. My son was wearing it around the house for some reason, and when my wife saw it, she asked why I had given him the jacket, and where my other kids’ jackets were.
I told her she was being unreasonable because a) it won’t fit them and b) there’s no reason to spend 3500 on some jackets to make it “fair” or whatever.
We’ve been arguing back and forth about it since, and I decided to post here for some outside perspective.
AITJ? My other kids are (12f) and (11m) by the way.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t understand the thought process of some of these comments. You had 1 jacket and it was sitting in your closet unused. Do these people think you should’ve gone out and bought 2 more $2,000 jackets to make it “fair”?
That’s just dumb. I’m glad you were able to repurpose the jacket OP. I was a youngest child of 3 and I still get it. It’s not unfair that you gifted it to your oldest son. Your other kids will get other great things from you.” SubjectObjective5567
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. This is a huge investment. And it does not sound like you are so well off that this is something you regularly do. I would also be a bit… sad? Feeling rejected? I don’t know.. if my father would gift my sister something for 2000 bucks and I and my other sister got nothing.
That really IS a bit much. You don’t need to spend exactly the same for each child. And children also need to learn not to look at each other’s plates. But this is really far out of the scope people normally bring that argument up.
Like birthday presents. One gets something for 100 the other for 120. Totally fine. But this? Not so much.” Both-Fudge1866
Another User Comments:
“Well… to me, being in my mid-50s and never having spent more than $100 on a jacket in my life… spending $3500 on jackets to make it fair makes just as much sense if not more so than spending $2000 on a jacket that you don’t really like.
It’s probably impossible for parents to always keep things fair so that none of their kids ever feels resentment when one of the others gets something they don’t. But over time it should even out. And that’s the part we don’t have enough info to judge.
Talk to, and listen to, your wife. Maybe she’s noticed ways that you tend to favor the oldest son that outweigh what you do for the other kids? She might be overreacting or she might see evidence of a bigger problem brewing. Not sure how to score this one, tending toward no jerks here.” EmilyAnne1170
6. AITJ For Keeping My Bag On The Seat Next To Me On An Empty Bus?
“I ride a pretty sparsely ridden bus from my work to my college. When I say sparse, I mean it’s never even close to half-full. There are always rows of empty seats at the time that I ride it in the afternoon.
I use a light linen bag for work and I don’t want to put it on the floor or on my lap so I put it on the seat next to me (all the seats are pairs, two seats next to each other). I don’t mind anyone sitting next to me, but the bus is never close to full, so I use the space for my bag.
Yesterday during my commute, a lady got on the bus and grimaced at me. She gestured for me to remove my bag so she could sit next to me. As usual, there were so many empty seats. I wasn’t sitting in a disabled/reserved area — there were seats closer to the door.
But whatever, I’m not confrontational, I removed my bag so she could sit.
I sort of rolled my eyes when she sat down next to me and sighed, not to be obvious, but just because I got off an 8-hour shift, I was tired and wanted my own space, and she didn’t have to sit next to me.
She clearly noticed, she then said “You need to learn some manners.”
After that, I got up and moved to another seat, but the whole thing has been bothering me for a day. Did I really lack manners? It just feels like she sat there to teach me a lesson when she could’ve sat anywhere else…”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Petty revenge is the answer. I was once on a packed bus with no free seats, except for one next to a window. A girl was in the aisle, with her bag on the window seat. I walked over and asked to be let in.
She ignored me. I tried to move past her. She blocked me, continuing to ignore me. I couldn’t believe it: even the aisles were packed with standing passengers. This was ten years ago and I had a very heavy laptop in a large tote-style purse with shoulder straps.
I held it on the shoulder closest to her at about her eye level. I spent the whole ride leaning heavily into her seat, hanging onto one of the poles. Every time there was an excuse (stopping, going round a corner, “losing my balance” etc), I “accidentally” swung backward and absolutely clocked her in the face with my laptop.
She kept trying to glare up at me as if I were being rude, but I ignored her. After all, she could have just moved over into the window seat to avoid it. The stubborn little thing sat there and let me clock her in the face about twenty times instead of just letting me sit down.
But that’s okay. It was even more satisfying than sitting would have been.” bgray13
Another User Comments:
“NTJ it’s rude to invade people’s personal space even in public. If it can be avoided then avoid it. It’s like when you’re standing in a line at the grocery store and you can feel someone breathing on your neck even though there is no one standing behind that person.
Those people are just creeps and they should be called out more.” Yourconnect_
Another User Comments:
“Dude, same thing happened to me a few years back and I, too, am still thinking about this. I had three large bags with me, I had one on my lap, one on the floor, and one next to me.
I saw three pairs of empty seats in front of me, the bus was not full. Some lady comes on and sits down next to me forcing me to quickly grab my heavy bag. Confused, I quickly switch seats, so I don’t have to bury myself under my bags and see so many more empty seats behind me.
They never filled for the whole ride. Why sit next to me? Why sit where my stuff is? Even if that was her favorite spot on the whole bus, it was rude of her. The bus was half empty.” salajaneidentiteet
5. AITJ For Not Letting An Older Woman Share My Table At A Restaurant?
“I go out quite regularly, usually once or twice a week.
Always to the same two restaurants, and, if not with my parents or friends on a special occasion, I’m alone.
Now, two weeks ago I visited that one restaurant, and the waiter directed me to a table of four. He knows my name and my usual order, and after a few minutes brings me the starters.
The restaurant got full to the brim shortly after I entered; all tables were occupied.
It was then, as I was eating my starters, that an older woman (around 80s, I’d say) came to my table, put down her bag on the chair opposite me (without saying anything), and turned around to the waiter.
She was a regular as well and started talking to him. The waiter could see the confusion on my face. As she was facing him – and thus didn’t see my face, I was in her back – the waiter could see both her and me, and I shook my head once to signal him that I did not want some stranger sitting with me.
He saw that and told the woman that all tables are filled up right now, but in around 5-10 minutes there should be a free table for her.
The woman then chuckled, saying that “It’s all fine” and “I can sit here”. He pointed out that she can’t just sit down at some occupied table, which she dismissed, turning around to me and asking me with a smile if I had a problem with her sitting with me.
I just looked her in the eyes with a neutral expression and flat out (but not so that others could hear me) said “Yes.” She didn’t like that answer, and got a bit angry (she didn’t make a scene though) and grabbed her bag to wait in the restaurant’s door.
Well, as the waiter “predicted”, after around 5 mins there was a free table and she got to sit down and order. Now while most of my friends (and also my parents) say that I didn’t do anything wrong and that it was weird she was actually just gonna sit down there, some of my friends said I am the jerk cause I was sitting alone anyway, so why would it matter to me, it was just mean denying her a place.
Yes, I sat at a table of four, but it was the waiter that gave me the table. There is one table of two in the restaurant, but it was occupied as well. And even if she was a regular (I have seen her face before), I just don’t know her, it feels weird for me to eat or read a book while some stranger sits opposite me and watches me doing it.
Also, while I don’t know her personally, I do know she is quite a chatty one and most like would’ve talked to me without end. I go out (alone) to have some peace and quiet and enjoy a good meal…
But still – does declining that woman a place at my table make me a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I had a similar thing occur to me about a year ago. I was enjoying my lunch at the work cafe, sitting alone at a table. This is a relatively large cafe with probably 30 tables, with only about five of them occupied at the time.
Some older lady, lunch tray in hand, approaches my table and says “would you like some company?” and I deadpan stared at her and said no thanks. She wasn’t expecting that and gave me a grimace and moved on to an empty table. I didn’t know this woman from Adam and had totally zero desire to make small talk when all I do is deal with idiots all day in person and on the phone.” ostellastella
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you see a table with space, it is perfectly reasonable and polite to ask if you could sit down. But that comes with the understanding that not everyone wants to share. Some people want space and quiet, others are happy ignoring someone opposite them, and others still will enjoy a chat with someone new.
So if they say ‘no’ then that is perfectly fair and you should respect those wishes. This person was overly familiar and entitled in assuming you would be happy sharing without giving you the respect of asking first. So it isn’t really surprising she would go into a bit of a huff when being denied – this is her problem, not yours.” Nrysis
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! As an introverted person, I am totally on your side. Especially if she is a “chatty” person like you wrote, there is absolutely zero percent chance that you would be left in peace to enjoy your meal. There is something inside a lot of peoples’ heads that says “OMG!!!
How sad… a lonely person eating alone and reading a book! Well, I MUST go save them and give them someone to eat with! It is my moral duty as a human!” They can’t fathom that someone wants to eat/sit alone without constant small talk and chatter.
I had this happen to me at a casual sandwich place (Panera) one time. It was busy, the only table open was a 4-seater so I took it and started reading my book. If someone else had wanted to sit in the chair diagonally across from me and also eat/read, no problem.
But no…. a group of 4 people came in, saw my 3 empty seats and three of them sat down and the 4th actually asked me when I was leaving!!! W*F? I clearly have 90% of my sandwich still on the plate, so not anytime soon! They pulled up another chair making everyone super crowded and then they talked sooooo loud and nonstop and talked over each other, etc. It was incredibly annoying especially since none of them had asked if it was OK to sit down.
This was NOT a “group” table, they just came and sat right down. I think they tried to make it uncomfortable for me so I would leave quickly but nope, that day I took every second of my hour-long lunch and ignored them the best I could.” LynnBarr123
4. AITJ For Telling My Wife I Didn't Enjoy The Birthday Trip She Planned?
“My (36M) wife (37F) said she would plan something for my birthday. She asked if there was anything I wanted to do, and I told her no. At 36, I don’t have any expectations for my birthday.
We’ve been together for 10 years, married for 7. We have 3 kids under 6, so planning activities can be tricky. Traveling is tough and staying in uncomfortable places with kids is stressful.
So my wife plans something, packs an overnight suitcase for everyone, and loads up our van.
We drive 1h 45m to a small town, then take a long, rocky, narrow road to a tiny cabin Airbnb in a remote, heavily wooded area. It’s a single room with a galley kitchen, one bed, and a pullout couch. It’s cramped with three kids.
There’s not much to do, no walking trails, and nowhere to drive except back on that awful road. I’m asked to drive back to get dinner from a nearby bar.
I’m surprised, and not in a good way. I don’t say anything bad about the property, but I can’t hide my feelings and she can tell I’m not a fan.
We unpack, walk around, she has some gifts for me to open in front of the kids. We have cake and then spend 4-5 hours trying to pass the time. (The highlight is sneaking in a quickie in the outdoor bathtub.) After that, we go through the tiresome routine of getting all three kids to sleep, which is extra hard in a tiny cabin.
By the way, I sleep on an air mattress because our youngest co-sleeps and needs Mom at night.
We wake up early because the cabin has no curtains. My wife tells me we’re going to do a 5k bubble and color run. I smile and say “Ooook let’s do it,” not wanting to sound disappointed but probably failing to hide it.
I’m not a runner, I’ve never said I wanted to run, but whatever, let’s try it. We pack up and head to the event.
It’s a small, cheap event on a hot day. Our two youngest don’t want to do this, but we start the race anyway.
Our oldest takes off, causing us to lose him twice. I frantically try to catch up, ending up sweaty, winded, and with aching knees. Not fun.
After my wife finishes with our other 2 kids, we walk around a small street fair and let the kids play.
It’s fine, but I’m ready to rest. My wife tells me we’re supposed to meet friends at the beach later, so we have a 2-hour drive back, hoping the kids nap in the car. I take a nap, feeling quiet and not in a good mood.
We get to the beach and two of our kids start melting down. I’m done with the day and would prefer to be home. Eventually, they chill, we find some shade and it’s fine.
When we get home, it’s a mad dash to get the kids showered and in bed, while I unpack, and clean the car and house.
My wife asks what’s wrong, and I tell her I appreciate her effort, but it didn’t feel like she planned it with me in mind. I don’t like running, I want comfort when traveling with the kids, and it was exhausting. It was a lot of effort for something not enjoyable.
She flips out, devastated that I didn’t enjoy it and angry at me for not “just being grateful somebody planned something for me.””
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I mean, it is nice that your wife planned this surprise birthday trip for you, but at the same time, some situational awareness on her end would’ve been nice.
After being together for 10 years, she should know what you probably are or are not going to enjoy. She shouldn’t flip out that you didn’t like the trip, I mean, that’s the risk she takes when she doesn’t consult with you or include you in any of the planning.
At least you were being honest with her. I’d reemphasize to her that you do appreciate the thought, but you would prefer to be consulted or included in the planning next time. Or better yet, ask you what you want to do first, if anything.” LoudCrickets72
Another User Comments:
““She asked if there was anything I wanted to do, and I told her no.” The only circumstance she shouldn’t have taken no for an answer is if you typically say a response while expecting a different result (“keeping the peace”).
Assuming that you simply said no, and that your nos typically mean no, then she shouldn’t have planned anything for your birthday. The birthday boy said no, and that is that. NTJ. In the future though, perhaps it would be best to find some sort of middle ground— giving something to work with?
(E.g. Not especially, I’d just like to have some coffee cake and spend some quality time with us all at home).” Secure-Expression937
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Literally I can’t imagine a single person out there who would enjoy what she planned. It sounds miserable.
2 hours of driving with 3 kids to a cramped cabin in the middle of nowhere with nothing to do, sleeping on an air mattress, getting woken up at dawn, having to compete in a 5k run on not enough sleep, then having to go to the beach, before a 2-hour drive home.
She then has the audacity to flip out and be angry with you and say you should be grateful for all that. I would genuinely ask her what about that she thought you would enjoy? You would think a partner of 10 years would put a little bit of effort into taking into account what you would like on your birthday.
Any of the comments blaming you for this fiasco because you said you don’t have any expectations are being unfair. That’s not an excuse for her to be like – how can I make him as miserable as possible? You need to stand up for yourself here.” Comprehensive-Bad219
3. AITJ For Calling Out My Friend For Blaming Women For His Struggles?
“We live in a certain tech hub city. Recently, a professor at a famous local university went viral for his comments on relationships where we live. Paraphrasing, he said to leave our area if you want a partner, that anywhere else on the planet is better for that, and you’d be shocked at the differences in the behavior of women where women are plentiful vs women “in artillery distance” of our city.
I find this false from my own experiences and my friends’ experiences.
I was recently getting coffee with a handful of friends. That professor’s comments came up in conversation, and we were talking about how we couldn’t believe he would post something like that for students to read.
My friend Dan made a comment about how it wasn’t wrong though, and talked about how unnecessarily picky women here are because there are way more men than women.
After Dan finished his mini-rant on women in our city, I pointed out that he’s never slept with anyone in his 24 years on this earth and he’s only lived about two years in our city.
So how is it a problem with the women here and not with him? Anyways, Dan got upset and our coffee hangout ended shortly after. Everyone who was there knew already about Dan’s s****l history.
Dan hasn’t spoken to our group since and our other friends have been pushing me to apologize for shaming him.
Saying that he’s just frustrated, and maybe he has a point about things being tough because there are more men than women here. But I think that’s nonsense too. We’re all in tech, and Dan has made a couple of those “diversity hire” jokes about women in tech.
In my opinion, guys like him are the reason why we don’t have more women in tech so he can’t complain about the gender ratio of our city. And I’d like my other friends to stop being so conflict-avoidant, I’m pretty sure they agree with me deep down.
AITJ for how I called out Dan?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He has to try harder to make himself desirable to a woman. Women are supposed to make an effort with clothes, makeup, hair, etc but some men expect to attract a woman without any effort and then be unhappy when no one takes the time to get to know them.
I want my friends to be honest. I have always said that only someone who loves you will tell you that you have bad breath.” feminist1946
Another User Comments:
“I attend said local university and it has been wild seeing how intensely some male CS students have argued in favor of his points while in the SAME sentence admitting they chronically struggle to talk to women.
Definitely NTJ, calling out this nonsense is essential not just for pushing against misogyny, but also ensuring safe spaces for women in tech and in the classroom. The professor’s comments and the way he communicated them on an educational platform is just intensely inappropriate and unacceptable, good on you for calling him out (and speaking nothing but truth)!” Healthy-Comparison80
Another User Comments:
“Everyone is a jerk here. He was a jerk for all the women-blaming he is doing regarding his own luck in finding partners. You admittedly shamed someone on a very personal topic that you didn’t mention whether the rest of your friend group even knows about.
What would you have said to him if he had slept with someone, but was still being a jerk? You should have said that thing.” Canadian_01
2. AITJ For Being Upset That My Dad Got Remarried Without Telling Me?
“My (f23) dad (m51) recently got married again without telling me. My mom died last August from cancer and my dad started seeing someone again this February.
I was aware of the relationship (though my feelings have been mixed) and knew he was planning to get married again. Though when he originally told me he was seeing someone he did say that he had no plans of getting married again and that the woman he was seeing was a childhood friend (whom I’ve never heard of) and that they were taking it slow.
Around April he told me he was in love with her and that he was considering getting married. He asked me then if I wanted to be there for the wedding to which I answered that I was not sure since I hadn’t met the woman yet but that I would like to know when it was happening.
In May after my college graduation, he ambushed me at my brother’s with the woman so we could meet. That interaction left me crying because he had dropped on me that he was moving in with her and that the wedding would be soon. Though I understand his need for a partner in life, I do not agree with the ways he’s been handling it.
Today I finally asked my older brother if they had gotten married (because I had a gut feeling) and he admitted that they did. My issue is that he hasn’t even tried to discuss it with me at all. Not even a text message to let me know that he got married. Though I know overall this doesn’t affect me much since I am an adult now.
I can’t help but feel hurt by his sudden decisions in the last few months. My mom hasn’t even been gone a year and it feels that he’s already moving on while I am still grappling with the fact that she’s gone.”
Another User Comments:
“Your dad is of the belief that it is easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask permission. He knew you were unhappy and didn’t want to deal with your emotions. Is that cowardly? Maybe. But yelling at him will not bring you the satisfaction you think it will.
He will use your anger at him as a reason he didn’t tell you in the first place. You might want to try a more thoughtful approach. Don’t yell, but quietly let your father know that you’re disappointed in his choice not to tell you.
Parents are used to their kids being angry, what they have a hard time with is their kids being disappointed in their actions. NTJ, but consider your words.” NoDaisy
Another User Comments:
“I don’t understand that way of thinking. My mom died years ago and immediately my stepdad started seeing someone and didn’t tell anyone.
I heard about it through my sister months later via a phone call where she was freaking out. I am a pretty chill person so I wouldn’t have gotten angry if he had just told us. On top of that, they ended up getting married a while later and the only reason I found out is because he commented on someone’s post. Hiding stuff like that makes it so much worse when loved ones find out than if you were just upfront from the beginning.” grandoptimist75
Another User Comments:
“Your dad is a jerk. My brother did this and though he and my nieces were/are close, it definitely damaged his relationship with them. He was so utterly wrapped up in himself he couldn’t think about anyone else’s feelings, and if he has any feelings of guilt he pushes them off by making it other people’s problem.
My relationship with him ended at that time because he behaved like a jerk to me as well. I’m not keen on the new wife and I suspect she is part of the problem but he was so desperate not to be alone, that he went with it.
My advice would be to talk to a c*****************t before you have that conversation with your dad because I have a feeling it’s not going to be an easy discussion. You need support and clarity. Good luck my dear. I am so sorry for the loss of your mom.” GoOutside62
1. AITJ For Defending My Mom Against My Stepmom's Insults?
“I am my dad’s ‘affair baby’, and I live with him and my stepmum. My dad is basically your stereotypical rich jerk, who was unfaithful to his reasonably aged wife with a younger woman, my mum, and my stepmum decided to stay with him.
My mum was unaware of my dad’s wife or my older siblings when she had me, however, despite this, rather than direct her anger at my dad, my stepmum chooses to direct it at my mum and at me.
Honestly, I’m pretty indifferent to my dad’s jerkiness, sure he’s a bad person, but he’s a good father.
My stepmum doesn’t interact with me much and treats me with indifference mostly, we exist in the same house but we don’t care for each other. I don’t mind this, but what I do mind is her occasional comments on my mum.
Earlier today, while I was in the conservatory studying (I like natural light), she came in on her phone, talking to her friend, and basically called mum an ugly woman of loose morals in a ‘look at what he was unfaithful to me with’ way.
I interrupted, and said if mum was so bad and dad was unfaithful to her with mum, what did that say about her? She went red in the face, cut the call, and then tried to yell at me, but I essentially called her a jealous bitter old lady, took my books, and went up to my room.
I don’t know. I can’t focus on physics properly when I’m feeling bad about saying all that and making fun of her for getting two-timed. My exam’s later today and I’m gonna fail at this rate. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I don’t know what this thing is where the kid is expected to act like the adult in the face of ridicule and abuse from an adult, but you could make her life difficult.
Catelyn Stark got what she deserved. PS: Your mom likely knew he was married with a family. It’s almost impossible to keep something like that hidden unless she just met him, was with him, and got pregnant all in the same week. Rich, powerful men are very attractive to young women, and he probably made promises of leaving his wife and to be with her to seduce her.
Later on, women often say they didn’t know so that people don’t judge them as harshly while the man gets off scot-free.” IslandMist
Another User Comments:
“Sorry, if your dad has stayed married to someone who is resentful of you and treats you badly because of his mistake, then he isn’t a good father.
He didn’t love her enough to not be unfaithful to her so why is he pretending to love her now and put you through living and growing up in this environment? It’s his responsibility to make sure that his selfishness doesn’t affect you. If he was a bad person but a good dad, he would have left her after he realized she was going to hold his affair against you.
He has it pretty perfect right now. You’re both taking your anger out at each other and nobody is giving him any trouble.” UnhappyDare5806
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk. First of all your dad is not a good father. He’s a primary source of the hostility you’ve had to live with.
Also, your stepmom is a jerk for lashing out at you and your mother, rather than your father, who is the main person deserving of her ire. I can’t blame you for feeling the urge to defend your mom. If she truly didn’t know your dad had a family, she really doesn’t deserve to be trashed. That said, it’s EXTREMELY unlikely that your mom didn’t know, and if she did, then yeah, shame on her.
But your stepmom also didn’t deserve what happened to her so rubbing it in isn’t the way to go. Your dad is living comfortably, while everyone around him is bickering with each other because of his behavior. And he’s remained in a relationship with a person who is abusive to his son.
He a horrible father.” Mhunterjr
