People Are Reluctant To Tell These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
24. AITJ For Accusing My Sister Of Faking Her Food Sensitivities For Attention?
“My sister, Delilah is 23F, and her husband, Kenji is 25M. I am 27F, and I think her brother-in-law is 24M.
So to start my sister is really food sensitive if that’s what you’d call it. She gets “sick” when she smells or eats certain foods, it’s been like this ever since she was 13.
Just usually meals, condiments, or snacks. For example ranch, eggs, chicken, bacon, beans, ketchup, mayo, mustard, maple syrup, and even cakes/cupcakes.
In my honest opinion I think she’s faking, or at least exaggerating. She’s not allergic to anything, not even pollen, and she doesn’t have a medical diagnosis either. It just “is how it is” in her words. So to the drama, we were all at dinner.
Mostly our family and my sister’s family. So it was a big dinner. We were cooking some of the food Delilah’s “sensitive” to and she said she was going to go outside. By the way, she doesn’t make a fuss about it, she just tells someone where she’s going, then comes back a bit later.
We all started eating, she came back at this time, and her brother-in-law started asking why she constantly went out of the house tonight and every other event/family dinner. Delilah said it was nothing important and she wasn’t feeling well He continued to “pester” her until she told him she just didn’t like how the food smelled. Let me mention that Delilah and my family don’t speak English as our first language, and she has pretty bad grammar.
Her brother-in-law took this as an insult and insulted her back a few times. Delilah “apologized” and said their food was wonderful and she didn’t want to make it a big deal as it was.
I said that I agreed with my brother-in-law and that she subtly wants attention, that she’s been doing these “food sensitivity” things for too long and it’s frankly embarrassing for everyone, especially her husband.
She told me to have some respect since she’s paying my rent. And obviously, I told her back “What the heck??” And why in the world she’d point that out in an attempt to embarrass me? She stayed quiet and didn’t really talk to me or my brother-in-law, when we tried talking to her she ignored us.
But did not do that to anyone else.
She told me a while back her husband has no issue with it and he’s fine. Again, in my honest opinion, she’s forcing her husband to go on this weird diet so she can stay skinny or something.
I say that because she never really developed, I mean she was less than 120 pounds her entire childhood and teenhood. And a lot of people including myself commented on it. So she’s probably trying to stay that way. Her husband told me to chill out after dinner, not sure what he told my brother-in-law.
But my rent is due soon and my sister still hasn’t been talking to me. Our parents don’t really care about it, and say I should’ve been more respectful to the person paying me each month.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – why would you embarrass her by saying she’s doing it for attention?
You said she doesn’t make a fuss so how is that attention seeking? Only her BIL made an issue out of it and it was not your business. Why did you intervene and choose to tear your sister down at that moment? She didn’t have to mention your rent but frankly, you looked for it, and good luck with paying rent.
Have you ever heard of the saying not to mess up where you eat? You are very foolish.” Kami_Sang
Another User Comments:
“YTJ! Probably shouldn’t be making snarky comments if you expect her to pay your rent. You tried to embarrass her first and then were shocked when she barked back what???
You’re incredibly entitled and way too old to be acting like a bratty child.” luvxxluvlux
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’ve clearly been waiting for the opportunity to do this. I love that your sister has a supportive and understanding husband. You and her BIL need to keep your opinions to yourselves.
You sound jealous. I don’t see her paying your rent and you don’t deserve it after being like that towards her.” redhead9390
23. AITJ For Wanting To Keep My Grandma's Valuable Teapot I Promised To Someone Else?
“My grandmother passed away last year in February, I was left no inheritance but was left all of her possessions. I helped sell her home and all of the proceeds went towards putting my grandfather in a care facility.
I am the only grandchild and my biological father isn’t around. I packed up the house and took all of the important heirlooms and put them in my home or in storage. My Grandma was big on keeping family items and heirlooms and had a prized cabinet with all her favorite things in it.
I was contacted by her friend Susan who I’ve never met or spoken to, my mum contacted her back because she was interested if she had any stories she asked my mum if she could meet me and have my grandma’s silver teapot. At the time I was overwhelmed by grief and just said yes.
I ended up getting back surgery and wound separation and have been bed-bound for an entire year. My fiance and I have moved houses now that my wound has closed and I have been decorating with more of the items. I came across the silver teapot and put it on display.
My mum reminded me that Susan had asked for it and we better give it to her. I looked into it and it turns out this teapot is from 1830 and is probably worth over 10k AUD and must’ve been her grandmother’s. I told my mum I think I want to get it appraised and if it’s anything over $1000 I want to keep it.
(Even if it wasn’t I don’t really want to give it to her anyway). My mum is telling me I have no idea what it’s worth and promised it to her and she’s been asking for it. She’s calling me selfish and that if I didn’t know I wouldn’t keep it.
I told her so what? It’s mine.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Has Susan even followed up – both about the teapot and the stories? I’d just leave it and feel zero guilt, it’s completely fine to change your mind after you decided something when you were grieving, and now that you have had time to reflect, you have changed your mind.” PurpleMuskogee
Another User Comments:
“You don’t owe Susan anything, and quite frankly having been in a very similar situation myself, I suspect that Susan has a fairly good idea of how much that teapot is worth. If your grandmother had wanted her to have it, she would’ve willed it to her, but she didn’t, which means your grandmother wanted **you** to have the teapot.
Keep it, and if Susan ever mentions it again you can tell her that frankly, you’re shocked that she’s not ashamed for coming grasping after you when you’re grieving your grandmother’s death. NTJ” Enlightened_Gardener
Another User Comments:
“NTJ the only selfish person here is Susan.
She contacted you when you were grieving to “innocently” ask for an extremely valuable family heirloom, likely knowing you had no idea of its providence or value. Now that you are no longer consumed with grief & you have looked into its value you have realized she is trying to con you out of your inheritance.
If your grandmother wanted Susan to have the teapot she would have listed that in her will. Don’t feel guilty keeping it & honoring your late grandmother’s wishes.” dncrmom
22. AITJ For Refusing To Perm My Hair For My Sister's Wedding?
“I (28f) am supposed to be my sister’s (26f) maid of honor. We are and always have been super close and have a great relationship, so I have no idea, how this could have escalated this badly.
I have long, very straight hair, that doesn’t hold a curl for longer than 2 hours at most, no matter what products or tools you use. It is also not colored but completely virgin hair, which also makes it less likely to hold onto any kind of curls.
I love curls, but I’ve accepted my fate and don’t see a point in spending a long time to try and style it, just for everything to be gone an hour later. My sister insists on all women in the wedding having their hair styled with curls.
I can and would let the best hairstylist ever curl my hair – I know it won’t hold up during the day, and my sister knows it, too. Because of that, she has gotten the idea into her head, that I should just get a perm, so I would be able to wear my hair curly at her wedding.
I don’t want to do that. I have several years of length in my hair and a perm would mean I’d have to keep up this very time-intensive style I didn’t even choose or chop my perm-damaged hair off afterward.
I’d do a lot to make my sister happy and I want her to have a lovely wedding, but I think her demand is ridiculous.
She goes on and on about how I want to ruin her perfect day and how I’d only do that because I’m jealous of her getting married before me (not true at all). My parents declared themselves neutral and won’t say a word about it, my friends are on my side and my future BIL is on her side.
Should I just get a perm to make her happy? AITJ to potentially ruin our relationship because of this?”
Another User Comments:
“If one person with straight hair will ruin her wedding, then her wedding is doomed from the beginning. And if you’re that close and you are not wanting to perm your hair ruins your relationship, you’re not that close.
Tell her straight out. You’re not going to perm your hair but the stylist can try and curl your hair and you’ll go for as long as possible. But that’s it. You’re a person, not a prop and if she’s going to be that upset with you not curling your hair then there’s a lot more underlying problems than just hair.
Tell her you want to be in the wedding party that you love her and you want to keep a relationship but I am not going to perm my hair, and let her deal with that. Fall out. If she’s so petty that she’s not going to have you in the wedding party then just say well I guess.
Then we’re not as close as you think we are. NTJ And don’t allow to change your hairstyle just for one day” Even_Enthusiasm7223
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Oh my god, do not get the perm. You have long virgin hair, that would be a tragedy.
If you can wear it up, a good stylist can pin it into curls and gather it into an updo. My maid of honor ended up getting that and it looked great. For the record I did not require curls, that’s just what she decided and her virgin hair wouldn’t hold a curl either.” StoicComeLately
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I made this mistake. Let me save you from it. DO NOT PERM YOUR HAIR! Your hair took several years to grow out to its current length. When the perm fries it and you have to cut it off, you will live with the aftermath for that same number of years.
All for what? YOUR SISTER’S wedding aesthetic? No. No! AWW NO!!! When your sister sees the disaster your hair becomes, she’ll be terribly sorry. She may even cry. But her tears won’t magically restore your beautiful long, straight hair. And she certainly won’t want that disaster in her wedding photos.
At that point, she may (gently, tearfully) kick you out of her wedding party, or she may ask you to wear a wig to cover that horror on your head. Just get the wig now and save yourself years of regret and growing your hair out.
Get a GOOD wig, have a professional style it, and put it on you for the big day. Trust me, a good wig is the way to go.” PrairieGrrl5263
21. AITJ For Not Feeling Guilty After Applying Eczema Cream For My Partner?
“The story goes, she asked me to put her eczema cream on for her, I didn’t want to because I don’t like the greasy feeling on my hands but she insisted so I did.
I’m putting it on her shoulders and she says “more around the neck” but as soon as I get to the neck she winces and hisses. It obviously stung but before I could process anything she took the cream from me and left to go upstairs.
I’m stunned and ask “What did I do? I’m confused” but she doesn’t reply, she’s walking up the stairs.
I give her five minutes and then go to check on her. She’s in bed with her back to me. I ask, “Are you okay?” But I only get an “mm,” and she doesn’t look at me.
I ask her why we’re fighting and she yells “You hurt me!” I apologize but it’s forced, we both know it, because I’m still very confused.
I’m making dinner and it’s ready to be served so I ask if she wants me to bring it up to her but she says she doesn’t want dinner anymore.
So I ask if she wants me to plate it up or just leave it and she says “I don’t care”, three words that she knows upset me.
She comes down for her dinner about 30 minutes later but takes it back upstairs and doesn’t talk to me.
So am I the jerk for not thinking I did anything wrong? I feel like though she was hurt, I didn’t hurt her. My actions weren’t anything other than was asked of me. We’re still arguing about this two days later and my autistic ass needs help knowing if I’m in the wrong here.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I doubt she’s new to eczema and so she knows that any creams will sting if the skin is broken. Did she warn you that she had broken areas? Has she warned you in the past? From your post, it doesn’t sound like it.
Her trying to blame you for it when a) it’s inevitable and b) she should be educating you is jerk behavior. The continued temper tantrum is manipulative. I have severe dry skin, KP in many areas, and patches of skin that stay broken for a long time and really need babying to heal (not technically eczema, but a lot of the same treatment).
I rarely need someone’s help to apply and if I do, it’s nobody’s fault but mine if I don’t warn them about cracked areas.” C_Majuscula
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – perhaps consider buying a box of nitrile gloves (like doctors and nurses use) to apply her stuff since you don’t like it on your hands.
Your partner seems to have poor ability to communicate and her stone-walling behavior is toxic. If she doesn’t find a way to overcome it …it will likely be the death of your relationship. Perhaps consider reading https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-recognizing-criticism-contempt-defensiveness-and-stonewalling/ to learn more about what she is doing to you and the effect it has on you and your relationship.
Spoiler alert…it’s not healthy.” Hippy_Dippy_Gypsy
Another User Comments:
“No, your partner needs to be accountable for herself and not expect you to read her mind. Maybe one of her parents behaved this way, but this withholding tactic is extremely manipulative and unhealthy.
You need to stop playing her game. If she does something like this again and doesn’t tell you what’s wrong, let her go upstairs and stew. It’s not your job to regulate her emotions or to try and figure out what’s going on with her.
It’s her responsibility to do so. You can talk to her about it and tell her that you’re not a mind reader, but I think therapy is the best bet here. NTJ” katg913
20. AITJ For Not Wanting My Homeless Brother-In-Law And His Family To Live With Us?
“I’m a full-time night shift nurse and full-time student, while my significant other (SO) works from home.
We’re in our late twenties with no kids, just our pets. My SO’s brother (31) and his partner (23) have two young kids (1.5 and 2 years old). For the past 4-5 years, they’ve struggled with homelessness, living with various family members but never staying long. Every time, they claim the problem was the people they stayed with, not them.
They’ve lived in our town before, but only briefly, and now they’re moving back.
They’re irresponsible, constantly making poor decisions, and they don’t take advice well. My SO and I have helped them with funds, storage, and babysitting, but we’ve never offered to let them live with us due to their track record and the fear of ruining our relationship with them.
Now they’re moving back to town, and the weather is getting colder. They never directly ask to live with us, but they drop hints about their homelessness and difficult situation. We feel bad for them, but they haven’t held long-term jobs, and every time we help, it doesn’t lead anywhere—they lose or sell what we give them.
For example, they left their second vehicle at Costco, where it got towed because they hadn’t paid registration.
They’re now crammed into a small sedan and may ask to live/stay with us. They’ve asked to use our garage for storage, which we’re okay with, but I’m wondering if I’m the jerk for not wanting them to stay if they ask, considering their history.
My guilt mostly stems from knowing their kids are suffering because of their poor choices. I want to help the kids but not take care of the parents. We’re afraid that if we let them stay, a short-term arrangement could become long-term, leaving us stuck in an uncomfortable situation.
When they come over, they make us feel guilty about the things we have, saying, “I wish we could have something like this.” We’ve given them food and funds, but they always subtly come back for more. I feel terrible for the kids, but am I supposed to let people who call themselves panhandlers live with us just because I feel bad about the cold weather?
When does it end? What if letting them stay temporarily turns into something long-term? I truly feel bad, but for our own sanity, I’m not sure we can handle it. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re feeling this guilt because you’re being manipulated into feeling it.
If you let them stay with you it’ll be 1000 times worse. You’ve been generous with your resources. You’re not obliged to be more generous than you feel like being. They chose to have kids without the means to care for them. They continue to choose to live as panhandlers in a world that doesn’t really make that a viable choice.
Therefore they choose to parent in a way that’s… inconsistent with your values. Those are choices they’re allowed to make. If they can’t afford to keep the kids, and you want to help the kids, then register to be able to foster kids, so if they ever get taken away because their parents fall below the standard of care that’s enforced, you can take them.
You’re not obliged to have them live with and you know how it’ll go. NTJ” BigBayesian
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you need to report them to the CPS or equivalent, do it anonymously so you don’t take the blame. Yes, it sucks that the kids will be taken away but they deserve a roof above their heads and CPS is more reliable than their parents are.
Their unreliability and selfishness is downright child mistreatment, giving them money, etc is honestly just enabling them.” WiseConsequence4005
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I know you feel guilty about the kids, but there’s a huge chance that the parents will just use them in order to take advantage of you.
Sadly, you can’t save everybody. You’ll have to think about what’s best for you and your partner too. Letting them stay may only make them more complacent and create a terrible living situation for all of you, which is not good for the children in the long run.” charmer143
19. AITJ For Not Telling My MIL The Dress Code For My Husband's Ceremony?
“I got married to my husband a little over a month ago before he left for the army. We’ve been together for 2 years, best friends in high school, and have known each other for almost 10 years. My MIL has had some strong opinions about us getting married and has said some nasty stuff about me behind my back but then is nice towards me.
She and her husband told my husband he was ruining his life by marrying me and that I was going to be unfaithful to him and run off with his money… I feel guilty using his money to pay for his own car payment and insurance even though he’s reassured me it’s absolutely more than fine.
My husband has a ceremony coming up that is “business casual / Sunday best”. With that, I have a nice outfit planned to take pictures with him in his uniform.
My MIL wants my mom, who she has never had any intention of getting to know, and then criticizes my mom for not being “more inviting”, to make 10+ shirts for her and her family to wear to the ceremony.
I personally still want to wear something nice for my husband who himself thinks the matching shirts of 10+ people is embarrassing and is going to draw unwanted attention from his DIs. At the time of the ceremony, it will be over 2 months since we last saw each other and he also agreed on me wearing a nice outfit for pictures and helped me pick out what I’m wearing.
We have absolutely no problem making the shirts for her and her family but since I’ve told her I’m wearing something different, she is no longer responding to my messages (for a week, now) and I had an emergency tonight and couldn’t get ahold of her.
AITJ for not telling her the dress code? It’s visibly posted in many of the family support groups that she’s in and has made into a competition about being in more than I am in (not true by a long shot lmao) and that she checks them more than I do to find out more info.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – He helped you pick out what you will be wearing because that’s what he wants you to wear. Whatever your MIL and the rest of them wear is their choice, even though it seems more like bowling league attire than Sunday best.” carmabound
Another User Comments:
“ESH except your mom who’s had to make matching shirts for a stuck-up bunch of …in-laws. I’ll leave it at that. As a person who sews, I don’t know why you didn’t protect your mother from that nonsense.
Tell your MIL the dress code because it’s the mature thing to do. Take the high road. If she chooses to stick to her stupid plans, that’s on her but you won’t be looking like a sneaky daughter-in-law and confirming her crappy opinion of you.
Your husband should have your back more.” Sue_in_Victoria
Another User Comments:
“First of all, stop relying on your MIL. For anything. She is clearly unreliable and gets irrationally angry. Find yourself a good group of supportive friends — maybe other Army spouses — upon whom you can rely in an emergency.
Get some mutual support going; call them, not your MIL. Second, absolutely wear the nice outfit you planned for. Third, it sounds like your MIL isn’t planning to follow the dress code. Your husband thinks that having his entire family in dopey matching shirts will be an embarrassment.
This event is about your husband, not about your MIL getting to make a spectacle of herself. I would strongly advise you not to participate in or have any involvement in getting those shirts made. It’s OK to tell your MIL that you don’t agree and you don’t want to be part of it.
And fourth, when this woman isn’t talking to you, lucky you! I don’t think I’d do a single thing to get back with her. Stay polite. Stay civil. But beyond that, nada. She’s been bad-mouthing you behind your back and saying bad things about your mother.
She’s lucky you give her the time of day. Do not give her the 10 shirts or one more moment of anxiety. You don’t need this in your life, and you get to back as far away as you’d like. NTJ” Nester1953
18. AITJ For Not Letting My Brother Use My Headphones Despite His Own Expensive Earbuds?
“I’ve got a medical condition that means I can’t use earbuds so I bought headphones.
My brother can use earbuds and has bought earbuds that were 3x more expensive. He insists on using my headphones though and every time because they are “better quality” even though I insisted upon him really making sure that the earbuds were what he wanted. I argue against him but he always uses the time when I piggybacked off of his mp3 player for a year but that was when I had no money because I was too young.
Now that I do I bought an mp3 player but he uses my headphones during my time when I can use my laptop which has much more strict screen time than he does because he is my mom’s favorite. He is sitting there using my headphones and just has his earbuds lying on the side.
My time is being used up and I can’t use my headphones. So I have to take my headphones off of him which normally results in a flurry of creative insults revolving around greed and then a “ban” meaning I cannot use any of his stuff.
I say fine and use my headphones. When I am finished I leave them on my bed and return my laptop back to my mom. I came up an hour later (he had been using them the whole time) and I saw him using my headphones he acted like he didn’t just insult me and vowed to never let me use his stuff again.
It goes like this day upon day and I find it way too hard to keep a grudge though and I forgive way too easily so I just let him do what he wants.
I have two questions I hope you can answer, is it my fault for being too lenient and AITJ because I kind of get what he is saying.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You do not have to accept this type of behavior from him. He’s being a world-class jerk to you. How do you get what he’s saying? He is insulting you for wanting to use YOUR headphones. He is manipulative and violent.
There is nothing to get.” WhereWeretheAdults
Another User Comments:
“Sell his expensive earbuds (if that’s even possible), buy him headphones. If not, put your headphones away under lock and key so that he will finally get used to using the earbuds he was so sure he wanted. You will no longer have to deal with his selfish, spoiled behavior.
And he will survive not using your headphones. NTJ Also, tell your parents to have your brother’s hearing checked. Maybe he is a little deaf?” hadMcDofordinner
17. AITJ For Wanting My Long-Term Non-Paying Roommate To Move Out?
“My husband (34M) and I (34F) bought a house several years ago. Since we had a spare bedroom, we had no issue letting a friend of his (also 34M) rent the room.
It wasn’t about the money, so we agreed on $500 a month plus one-third of the utilities, which came out to about $600–$700 total each month. Shortly after moving in, he decided to rescue a German shepherd without asking us first. He hasn’t taken full responsibility for the dog (e.g., dealing with dog hair, destruction, and poop).
While we’ve come to love the dog and it gets along well with ours, this will be relevant later.
About two years into the arrangement, our roommate got hurt and wasn’t making as much money. We told him not to worry about the rent.
This was in 2019, which, of course, rolled into 2020 when everything went sideways. Since we didn’t need the money and he was helping out around the house, we didn’t press the issue. He often said, “I’ll get you back,” but nothing ever came of it.
Fast forward to 2024—he hasn’t paid rent in five years. Now, we’re expecting a baby and need the extra space. In August, we told him he needed to move out by the end of November (today). However, when we brought up the subject, we were met with every excuse in the book:
“I thought you said I had until the baby comes?”
“I can pay you rent now, so it’s fine.”
“I have nowhere to go; you’re making me homeless.”
“I’ll move out in September.”
“The dog is your responsibility now. I won’t feed him, and he can’t sleep with me anymore.”
It went on and on. I finally told him I was done being manipulated and gaslit into feeling guilty. None of this is my fault.
This is my husband’s childhood friend, and despite him saying some very hurtful things to me, I’ve tried to be understanding.
I gave him an extension of three weeks to move out. His first response? “Oh, nice, right after my birthday.” After that, he just started ignoring me.
I no longer feel comfortable in my own home, but my husband still wants to “play nice” with his friend.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Step one is sitting down with your husband and getting on the same page. He shouldn’t be making you play the bad guy with his friend. He should be getting his friend moved out so you can start getting that room ready for the baby.
You and he need to be a team. It’s super important to start acting as a team now, because you’re going to need to be able to do that with kids. Kids do better with predictable, consistent rules, and you really only get that when both parents have committed to making and enforcing decisions together.
This friend/roommate is just the warm-up round. If he can’t deal with the unpleasant side of a misbehaving adult roommate, how is he going to do when it’s his beloved children trying to get around the rules and consequences you’ve agreed on?” KaliTheBlaze
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you messed up by allowing this to go on so long. This guy doesn’t seem like he’s going to leave willingly and going through the stress of trying to evict him just doesn’t sound good when you’re trying to prepare for a baby.
There’s no real reason you should have a grown man living for free in your house for years, not even properly taking care of his dog. If you want this guy gone you’re gonna have to stop asking and start taking action to get him out.” breathofari
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If he can afford to pay you rent now he can afford to pay someone else rent at this point. I’m not a lawyer and this isn’t legal advice but you may need to serve an eviction depending on where you live if he refuses to leave on his own.
You should consult an attorney sooner rather than later if he won’t leave as eviction can take more than a month in some cases.” NorthPortDad
16. AITJ For Deploying Without Fully Discussing It With My Partner?
“So I [21m] have been in a relationship with my partner [21f] for just over 2 years now. I joined the Army back in 2021, a while before I had started seeing her. So when she started seeing me, she knew that deployment was always a possibility.
Around a year or so ago, I heard about a deployment from my superiors that greatly interested me, and so I said I was interested to learn more info before I made any final decisions. I had mentioned it to my partner and she didn’t seem too bothered at the time because no decisions were made.
A few months went by and I found out I got placed on the deployment before she and I could really talk about my deploying. Obviously, she was very upset by this information, but I really wasn’t. I had joined the military to actually do something and I am happy I got placed on the deployment.
Obviously I’m not ecstatic about leaving her for a year, but I was willing to accept that to accomplish one of my military goals that she had known about since we had started seeing each other.
Throughout this process, she has told me all about how she doesn’t want me to go and I responded by saying that I had no choice, but I kind of did.
I could have backed out of the deployment and they could have replaced me, but I wanted to accomplish my goal. So I know I lied to her about not being able to back out, but I was going to deploy at some point in my career anyway so I figured this was my best opportunity because of timing and how it sets me up for opportunities in the future.
Now that my deployment has started, she is super upset with me that I am gone and it very well could ruin our relationship if things go wrong.
(It’s worth mentioning, that my partner has some mental illness and has more of a codependency with me than just a normal relationship)
AITJ for deploying?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. But she’s definitely not a jerk for leaving you. You should follow your career dreams and if leaving your partner for a year is worth it then that speaks volumes already. She is in no way a jerk for wanting someone that she regularly sees and has a normal life with.” MsDReid
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Look at the big picture here. If you are in a position where you are in a long-term relationship with someone who you can not discuss honestly and openly about your personal life goals and dreams along with your career aspirations and pathways then you are disregarding/dismissing/blind spotting a large part of what a long term relationship is about.
People who are in healthy fulfilling long-term relationships (including Marriage) have both personal and relationship goals and seek support from their life partner. Valuable adult goals are often time and person-investment-heavy – raising children, buying property, adult education, and career development for instance. There is a major benefit to having a life partner who supports and contributes to reaching these types of goals.
This obviously goes both ways. You might want to give some thought about whether this relationship is the one in which you can achieve and grow as an individual and as a couple.” Something-bothersome
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. You should be honest with your partner about the deployment and why you pursued it.
Your partner needs to understand that this will not necessarily be the last time you’re separated, even if you only complete the number of years you contracted for. Both of you need to have a conversation about the pressures and sacrifices that come with one person in the military because both people bear their own.
For the partner left behind, they have to maintain the home, any family, and possibly their own career. The person on deployment, they are possibly in harm’s way, isolated from family and unable to help if something arises and have to focus on the job at hand.
I have no doubt your NCOs and superior officers have loads of stories from their own experiences and those of others when it comes to serving in the military and maintaining relationships.” Mukeli1584
15. AITJ For Kicking Out My Brother And His Messy Partner From Our Shared House?
“Me(24f) and my brother (20m) have been sharing a house for almost 4 years now since it helps a lot with paying rent and still has enough money for daily essentials, but recently he has got a partner the same age as he is, he asked if it would be alright if she lived with us and me being the understanding older sister I agreed.
We’ve all been living together for about 4-5 months and it was really nice at first, she cleaned after herself she was polite and overall a nice person. But recently she’s been leaving her washing all over the place and never cleans after herself and I’m always the one left in charge of cleaning her mess as she has become rude and ignorant towards me, it got to the point where I would call my brother and ask him to ask her to do simple tasks.
I finally had enough and told her that I would give her a month to find a new place to stay and that she’d have to be gone by then, I thought I was being pretty reasonable, and when I informed my brother he agreed as it was both our house and we both had a say in what happened. About a month went by and nothing changed I finally told her that her time here was over and she needed to leave to which she started yelling and calling me every name under the sun, my brother who was in the other room came in wondering what the shouting was all about and as soon as she realized he was there she started crying.
My brother tried reasoning with me and I kept to my word, she had to leave, he then started yelling at me as well and I told him if he wanted to stay with her then he could leave as well, and then they both left about an hour later after packing.
It’s been about 2 weeks since they both left and I’ve been having some hateful messages from my ‘family’ telling me I’m ungrateful and selfish.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And honestly? I’ve read way, way, way too many posts about roommates having issues after one of them has their SO move into the shared living space.
Do not recommend it at this point. Things are always pleasant the first month or two, then it goes to nonsense once someone starts feeling like they’re at home’. Being at home is no excuse to be a slob when you share living accommodations. It’s not an excuse for not having the realization that there are other people to consider.
Those family members telling you that you’re being ungrateful and selfish are welcome to let your brother and his partner move in. See how long the facade lasts in their homes.” moew4974
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if this is the whole story, I do see some holes – suddenly she becomes messy and rude without there being anything to trigger that change?
Your brother first agrees she has to go but then changes his mind. If this is all of the explanation though, then yeah, they’re both stupid brats (and I’m not saying it’s impossible they are, we’ve seen enough examples of that). Either way, why is your family calling you ungrateful of all things??” Ms_Meercat
14. AITJ For Not Wanting My Friend To Join My Planned Trip To Italy?
“I’ve (35M) been planning an overseas vacation for the last 6 months to Italy. I’ve been there a few times before, but this time is special because I’m meeting an Internet friend I’ve known for over 20 years while I’m there.
(34M, he will be on a Euro tour that coincides with when I want to be in Italy) There are also some nerdy conventions that I will be attending, other Italian friends I’m meeting with as usual, and I’m dedicating several days to outdoor activities like hiking and bird watching.
My friend D (37M) found out, and he excitedly invited himself along. He said it was a great chance for him because apparently he’s always wanted to go to Italy but can’t speak any Italian (I am fluent) so it’ll be nice to have a free guide.
The problem is I don’t want to be someone’s guide and personal translator on this trip that I had organized months previously for myself. D also has no interest in any of my planned activities (he is definitely not interested in Italian comic conventions) but is ‘terrified’ of ever being left alone to explore and do his own thing by himself.
(which is understandable if you haven’t been to a foreign country) He wanted to be glued to my hip the entire time and said ‘Don’t worry, I’ll let you take me anywhere you want to go in exchange for letting me come.’
Remember, I’m planning to meet one of my closest and longest-known internet friends and was really looking forward to just the two of us hanging out in real life for a few days (not to mention my other Italian friends)as well as the fact that sometimes you just want alone time on vacation.
D is also physically unfit and doesn’t like the outdoors at all, which is at direct odds with the activities I had planned for myself and other friends. I like D, I truly do. I certainly don’t like that this post makes him look inconsiderate.
But I think that acting as his unpaid chaperone, translator, and interpreter is going to drain the fun out of this trip for me, but thinking that all makes me feel like a jerk. So WIBTJ if I break this to him, however gently? I would like to travel with D, but I’m really not comfortable with him muscling in on a trip I already have planned. (Neither of us has bought plane tickets yet though.)
To be honest, I already feel bad that I didn’t know or realize that he would have wanted to come.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell him you planned this trip as a solo and that you’re not able or willing to change those plans.
Don’t give him a bunch of reasons to argue with – just say that arrangement won’t work for you. Add an “I’m sorry” if you feel you must, but don’t enter into a discussion or negotiation. Just say no.” catsaway9
Another User Comments:
“NTJ He doesn’t realize he’s being one either, so, unfortunately, you’re just going to have to tell him what you told us – you want a trip where you can do your own thing and relax, and you won’t have time to be his tour guide.
Do agree you should point out that you’d like to go traveling some other time.” Sweeper1985
Another User Comments:
“Be honest! Let him know all the stuff you have already planned and you don’t think this trip is for him. You’re hanging out with Italian people who don’t speak English, mountain climbing, and going on several hikes with your other friends.
You’re not visiting sightseeing places. So this trip might not be fun for him. You can plan a future trip with him, but this one would not be a good fit” Dmh106
13. AITJ For Not Wanting To Move In With My Partner And His Hoarder Father?
“My partner (23M) and I (22F) have been together for 2 years now and we have started discussing moving in together.
I want to save money and buy a house in the next 1-2 years however he wants to buy the house that he and his dad live in and flip the house, so he has no plan of moving out of his childhood home anytime soon.
For reference, his dad has a heart condition that limits his abilities and is likely to pass away in the future (he’s doing just fine now with regular medication and doctor visits just limited ability). The house has $60,000 left and it’s paid off plus around $15,000 in back taxes his dad has.
My issue isn’t that he wants to buy his house it’s that I don’t want to live with his dad I find it incredibly weird and that I have to tiptoe around him. His dad is a big-time hoarder and super strict about throwing stuff away or how house stuff is used. Let me give you some examples if I throw away a paper towel in the recycling bin he will come tell me that it’s not on the list and I need to check with him before throwing stuff away.
Or I used a regular pan to cook onions and he freaked out because that pan was only for eggs. He has also had an issue with the fact that I use too much toilet paper for crying out loud. This past summer I tried helping clean up the yard because my partner works too much and his dad’s heart condition doesn’t allow him to do yard work, so I started cleaning up the yard his dad gave me the tools to do it and I took out a wild berry bush that was infested in the planter, well his dad lost his cool because I took out the berries.
I have explained to my partner that I do not want to move into the house with his dad living there and he just thinks that I just need to respect his dad’s wishes and all will be fine. Respect is one thing I can understand but his demands are entirely unreasonable and I don’t think I’m disrespecting him for doing normal day-to-day actions.
He has no interest in moving out and I don’t want to live separately for our entire relationship. I need some advice on what to do. Am I the jerk In this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Do not move into this house. Do not put any money into this house.
Do not move in with your partner until he fully understands hoarder behavior. Do not help out at the house unless his dad gets therapy for hoarding. Do not purchase any real estate with your partner, or you will find yourself with a hoarded home when your partner wants to move his dad in after the current home is foreclosed upon or wrecked. And your credit will also be wrecked. Good luck.
Watch a bunch of episodes of the show Hoarders with your partner.” Icy_Department_1423
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Do NOT move in with your partner and his dad. This is not a liveable situation. Your partner is not seeing his dad’s issues for what they are.
You will never come first in your relationship. His dad will always come first. Always. Time to cut your losses. You need to find a man who will put you first.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Oh boy. Run fast and far away from this nightmare scenario.
There is no way for you to peacefully coexist with someone who monitors toilet paper usage, not to mention the rest of his outrageous demands. You’d be subjecting yourself to misery and resentment on a daily basis and I guarantee your relationship with your partner would suffer from it.
I’m not sure why he’s ignoring these giant flying red flags but you shouldn’t. NTJ.” forgetregret1day
12. AITJ For Accepting A Job Offer And Moving Out Without My Friend?
“I’m an early 20s female who graduated college in fall 2022. Since then, it’s been extremely hard for me to find a full-time salaried job. Thankfully, I was able to have full-time jobs to help pay with any of my personal expenses, but since I don’t make much hourly to support myself on my own, I’ve been living with my parents (I do pay them rent and utility expenses in order to live there along with my cell phone bill and car insurance).
I have a friend from college (let’s call her Sarah) who’s also a recent graduate and working two part-time jobs. We both decided about 6 months ago that it would be a good idea for us to move in together to a different state as long as we both found jobs around the same time by the summer of 2024.
Sarah and I have been applying for positions to get ourselves ahead, but I’ve been hearing back from my applications more than Sarah has. I was given the opportunity to interview for a full-time salary job that matched my major and experience. I felt that I needed to be upfront with Sarah and let her know that I was offered an interview in case I were to get the position as it could put a hiccup in our original plans.
Well, surprise! The interview went very well, and I was offered the job. It’s a nice paying entry-level position doing research with the National Institute of Health. I knew that since I was now offered the position, I had to let Sarah know and tell her that we would most likely have to move to the same city but just live in separate apartments.
Sarah was livid when I told her. She got mad that I already started applying for jobs (even though we both agreed to start looking and applying) and felt as if I should wait for her to find a position so that we could move in together.
She later explained how she’s unable to move out on her own because she needs a roommate to have more financial freedom with her money and not have to worry so much about expenses. She called me a jerk for considering taking the position instead of waiting for another one and passing it up.
AITJ for wanting to move out and accept the job position while leaving my friend out?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your job, your life. If Sarah freaks over this, she may not be the kind of person you want in your life. She may just be projecting her own insecurities due to her lack of success compared to yours.
You’ve outgrown the grad-but-not-quite-full-adult phase, and you’re prepared to move forward with your life. It may sound mean, but sucks to suck. Sarah needs to roll with the punches and find her own way. Don’t compromise your future.” Sam_Pound_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you both agreed to look for jobs and move in together if the timing was right. Unfortunately, she hasn’t bothered yet, that’s not your fault. Don’t give up on a job you want because it doesn’t fit around your friend’s life. Chances of both finding a job that you both want in the same area at the same time is unlikely to ever happen.
Congratulations on your new job” illyriiaseekinghelp
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You have to do what is best for you. This isn’t just any old job but an entry-level job in your field and degree, which could really launch your career. What are you supposed to do, say no just for her, and miss that opportunity?
When opportunity knocks, you have to answer the door. She’ll get over it. You have to ask her, what if the roles were reversed here, would she pass up a similar opportunity for you? I doubt it.” mustng66
11. AITJ For Yelling At My Mom To Respect Our Privacy On Social Media?
“My (F17) brother (M12) and I do not like publishing our life on social media and I couldn’t say the same for our mom (F42) but long story short her whole life is within her phone screen. She has to take a photo of every little thing.
She does not like to live in the moment like me and my brother do. She’s tried posting very vulnerable pictures of me that I won’t get into and it resulted in her being persistent about posting it. I told her no which feels like the only time that she’s listened. Any other time or moment that she gets a picture of me or my siblings or anybody she feels the need to post it.
She doesn’t respect anybody’s privacy even if we beg for example today I and my siblings went to a comedy show and I was experimenting with makeup and she made me take a picture right next to my siblings, and then of my older sister and me.
Not even two hours later when we got to the comedy show it was already on her live story on Instagram and it feels like she cares more about her social media than her kids.
There have been times when I definitely don’t want pictures and I cover my face with my hands or my hair or even my sweater and my brother started to do it too, and she immediately calls me a jerk.
I feel like I’m the jerk for not taking pictures and letting her but I don’t want my whole life to revolve around her social media because that’s all I felt from the day I basically was born. I don’t need my brother to be roped into that because he’s starting to disapprove of my mom’s actions on social media and he even tells me them privately.
I bring them up to her and she tells me it’s fine it’s only gonna be for us but she still posts. So would I be the jerk if I yell at her to respect my and my brother’s privacy on social media?”
Another User Comments:
“Get t-shirts saying “I don’t consent to my pictures being taken!”, “No means No!” and “My mommy has no other life than social media” and so on. Have Disney songs queued up for when she starts filming, and play it LOUD anytime she’s coming with her phone.
Keep doing all that, and as soon as you see her posting and tagging you, remove the tag, and in social media, remove her from friend lists. NTJ” RemoteBroccoli
Another User Comments:
“You would be the jerk if you yelled at her, although it sounds like she doesn’t respect or listen to you, so you may have to yell.
NTJ for not wanting to be in her SM. NTJ for wanting privacy. NTJ for looking out for your little brother. NTJ for wanting your mom to put her darn phone away and act like a human and a parent. It would be cool if you could talk it out without yelling.
If she can’t come up with anything to post without involving her kids, she should take a break, find a hobby, or both. You might compromise and allow one or two family posts a month. Please ask her to put her phone away when you’re together!
What a waste of potential quality time. Have a good talk.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Carry around a paddle with an angry face drawn on it with the message ‘I do not consent to my image being used on social media’ and pull that out whenever Ma points her camera at you.
She sounds insufferable!! I’d put it on a shirt too. Bust it out when you hang with Mom.” JennaLS
10. AITJ For Buying An Anti-Bark Device For My Neighbor's Dog?
“So my neighborhood is one of those cookie-cutter neighborhoods where the houses were mass-produced. The neighbors share a 6-foot cement wall and each house is about 2 feet from that wall.
Recently my neighbor got two dogs, a big German shepherd, and a little lapdog. The lap dog barks all the time and whines really loudly. So I went over with a box of dog items to see if a toy or dog bed would soothe him since he is outside and could just not be coping with that.
The neighbors did not accept the box and told me to mind my own business because the dog is supposed to bark due to them being “guard dogs”. Then shut the door in my face.
I thought about my options, I could tell HOA or buy an anti-bark device.
I bought the device because the HOA would fine them until they got rid of the dog due to the noise regulations listed in our terms. Now this neighborhood has dogs that do bark on occasion so dogs are allowed.
The neighbor’s dogs are the cutest and friendliest but wigglers you could ever see so I don’t want them to get rid of the dogs but the little one does not seem to be adjusting (with as much as he whimpers throughout the day).
So fast forward and the neighbor bangs on my door demanding that I remove the device because he can see it in my yard from his 2nd-floor bedroom window. I told him no, that my property was none of his business. He called me a jerk (but not as nicely) and said I was making the dog feel uncomfortable.
I feel bad because I didn’t think about making his or other neighbors’ dogs feel scared or uncomfortable (no other neighbors said anything) and now I feel bad. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just tell him what he told you: “Mind your own business.” You have honestly tried every neighborly thing you can to come to a solution, but your neighbor just sounds like a complete jerk.
What is “making the dog feel uncomfortable” is it’s not being properly cared for. I am assuming the dogs are outside most of the time, as how else would you be able to hear them so much? No wonder the poor thing is whining and whimpering!
Keep the device where it is, but if these neighbors approach you again about removing it, tell them “OK, but then I will have no choice but to report you to the HOA and the local Humane Society.” (Actually, I think they should be reported to the Humane Society anyway; some people should just not be allowed to have animals!)” wisewoman707
Another User Comments:
“There is typically a range on those devices so hopefully you have it set to only annoy your immediate neighbor. As far as the offending party – they have the option to bring their dogs inside if they’re truly concerned about their welfare.
I hope they do because I don’t want them uncomfortable either, but you did pick a reasonable solution to the barking issue. You also tried to solve it very kindly first. NTJ.” Major_Barnacle_2212
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I do not like dogs.
And I similarly have problems with neighbors who allow their dogs to bark. That said: Anti-bark devices aren’t the answer. Why? Because they use intense ultrasonics and I don’t know if I’ve just still got the sensitive ears of a teenager, but they’re super-loud and as annoying as the barking itself.” StAlvis
9. AITJ For Choosing To Go On A Cruise With My Kids And Leaving My Seasick Wife Behind?
“I am 47(M) married to a 46(W), and we have two kids, ages 11 and 14. Both my wife and I work full-time jobs with limited vacation time.
Over the years, we’ve joined my wife’s family on several extensive vacations. Her parents are retired and enjoy organizing big trips. My side of the family mostly enjoys in town get togethers. While I generally can get along with anyone and keep the peace, on these trips I go with the flow but ultimately do not really relax.
I find myself increasingly weary of spending all my vacation time navigating complex family dynamics. So, when a big trip to Europe with her family was proposed for this year, I expressed to my wife that I’d prefer not to spend my vacation that way.
I did not say that she could not go, I just did not want to spend my vacation time this year that way. She was disappointed but understood and informed her family we wouldn’t be joining.
A few months later, the situation shifted. My niece wants to celebrate her sweet 16 with a cruise, and our kids are very close with their cousin.
Knowing how much this celebration means to everyone on my side of the family, I felt it was important for the kids not to miss out. My wife, who gets seasick and dislikes cruises, was understandably reluctant. I suggested that I could go with the kids, allowing them to be part of their cousin’s special day, even though I’d personally be happy to skip the trip if it weren’t for wanting to support my niece and not disappoint our kids.
Now, my wife’s reaction has been mixed. She’s shown understanding by agreeing I should take the kids on the cruise, but she’s also been displaying passive-aggressive behavior and lamenting being left out. Moreover, she has been making passive comments about the decision to not join her family in Europe, framing it as a double standard.
It’s important to note here that while we’ve participated in numerous elaborate vacations with her family, we’ve rarely done anything comparable with mine, usually opting for shorter, more local gatherings.
AITJ for deciding to go on the cruise with our kids, leaving my wife behind due to her aversion to cruises, especially considering the imbalance in how we’ve historically allocated our vacation time between our families?”
Another User Comments:
“I feel this is very difficult to have an opinion on as it completely depends on your couples dynamics. In some couples, it is expected that all holidays are taken together. In other, the partners don’t love being at their in-laws, and will oftentimes not join.
In other, it is even standard for the partners to occasionally take a solo trip. I’d say whatever diverges from the dynamic you have in place in your couple needs to be discussed and might elicit a lot of feelings. As an example: my grandparents spent almost every day of their lives together and would never have left their spouse behind.
My parents however would not always take the other to their in-laws, so the type of vacation you are describing was frequent. The other partner usually enjoyed having the time to rest by themselves. My partner and I only take about half our holidays together as we enjoy doing different things, and we’re fine with that arrangement.
So all types of arrangements are fine I think, as long as both partners are on the same page.” Varda11
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here Special circumstances here call for special resolutions. I would encourage you to sit down with your wife and see if she would actually still like to go to Europe, and if so, if you can make that happen, for her.
Not for you, but for her (and your kids too if that’s in the cards). If not, then, basically, you owe her one. As for the cruise, you should go and enjoy yourself as much as you can there. How to make things good with your wife?
Perhaps you two can take a trip together, just the two of you. Perhaps you can get her her own trip or a spa day (if that’s the sort of thing she wants) or many spa days. Maybe she’s been wanting something else and you can arrange that for her.
But do sit down and talk about it, and how you’ll make things good.” SquallkLeon
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like she wants her cake and to eat it as well. She could have gone to Europe but chose not to. You spend more time going on big vacations with her family than you do with yours, she is being unreasonably unfair with her passive aggressiveness.
She is the one who is wrong in her attitude. She is the one that is trying to pull a double standard.” ConfusedAt63
8. AITJ For Asking My Cousin's Partner To Tone Down His Behavior?
“My cousin is a gay man and has recently started seeing another man I’ll call Pete. I want to be clear that I have nothing against gays, lesbians, etc. I’ve gotten along fine with my cousin’s past partners, and my cousin’s my best friend. Where Pete’s different is that he’s basically the level of gay you see in TV and movies.
He’s constantly loud, and high-strung, speaks with an exaggerated lisp, squeals and waves his hands around when he talks, is prone to hysteric crying, and has a taste for wearing things to make him stand out. Pete also has a tendency to make very lewd comments about his and my cousin’s personal life.
I don’t dislike Pete. I want to like him for my cousin’s sake. But I just want to be able to sit and talk with him without him yelling or squealing or saying something inappropriate. Since that’s not happening, I’ve been avoiding my cousin. My cousin called me to ask me why I’ve been out of the picture and I explained that Pete makes me feel uncomfortable and asked my cousin if he could talk him into maybe just dialing back a bit.
My cousin took this pretty poorly and said it was probably for the best I stay away if those were my feelings.
My sister says I’m being a jerk and insists she loves Pete. My mom and aunt both agree with me that Pete’s too much.
Even my ex-wife who fricken loves my cousin has said she thinks it’d be best if we kept our son away from the situation.
I don’t expect Pete to change who is. I don’t know if I can phrase what I want without coming off like I’m being homophobic.
But, again, it’s not about him being gay. I wouldn’t want to hang out with a straight guy who acted like that either.
Am I the jerk for not putting in more effort to accept Pete, or is it ok for me to think he could be less wild and just talk to me like one person to another with the wild persona?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Annoying, loud, and overly dramatic people aren’t most people’s cup of tea. There’s nothing wrong with wanting someone to follow basic rules of etiquette regarding: volume and subject matter. Honestly, I think your cousin might also be annoyed with Pete’s behavior, although I might be reading into his defensiveness too much – but it resembles a lot of couples about to break up I’ve seen.” RandomModder05
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not liking him, but the way you worded it is just weird. you can be flamboyant and not totally loud and crude, I feel like the word is commonly used for gay men negatively which is why it seems like a red flag to me.
Yes, it’s nitpicky but hey, it’s good to be nitpicky with delicate things that may delve into homophobia if you cross the line… I don’t think it’s average to call a straight man flamboyant is what I’m saying. just check your implicit biases from time to time, but again overall ntj.” Sorry_Mud4792
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Flamboyant hysterics are not an inherent part of being gay. It’s some combination of his personality and his choice of how to interact with the world. And you’re allowed to not like people’s personalities and mannerisms, even if they’re gay.
You probably also don’t like loud obnoxious frat bros. Doesn’t mean you have to tolerate it if the frat bro turns out to be gay.” Cent1234
7. AITJ For Wanting To Sell My House Despite My Mom's Broken Promises?
“My (29f) family and I moved out of state a few years ago. Instead of selling our home, we rented it out to my mom.
We agreed she’d pay for the mortgage alone with the understanding that she would make upgrades and do maintenance while we were away. She absolutely did not live up to that deal. All of the things she has promised have not happened. The house is in worse condition than we left it.
When I came home to visit I had to change the filter because she couldn’t be bothered after 8 months with 5 dogs in the house. (She started with two)
Not long after she moved in, she decided to cut her hours at work to go back to school.
She can’t really afford to do this so is always complaining about how broke she is. Also, she goes on vacations quite frequently with her fiancé who owns several businesses. Went to South America last year and again this year— maybe he’s paying but she still misses work for it and has to find care for her dogs (down to two again) Anyways, now we are deciding to sell the house.
My mom has been guilt-tripping me in every convo— her fiancé offered to do a land contract with us. But I personally don’t trust it. I trusted my mom to live up to her word and she didn’t. If this guy decides he doesn’t want to pay anymore than we are out a lot of money and chances are we just foreclose on the house instead of getting it back.
So today I told her the honest truth though I could’ve added much more to it. I told her that she didn’t live up to any of the promises she made. She’s also expecting to take the two light fixtures she put in the house and the stove when she leaves.
She said, “why would I put money into a house I don’t even own?” And I said, “well, you should’ve paid more a month if you thought that way. You said you would.”
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Kick her out to go live with her BF.
Consider what she didn’t do for the house as promised a loss you’ll never get back. As far as a land contract, that is a no go because how can you be assured they would ever honor that contract since she didn’t the first? Then go no contact with the both of them, they are not worth your time or energy.” Mustng1966
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Never rent to family. Also, if your mom’s fiancé is okay with being with someone who is acting like your mom is, then he’s going to do the same thing to you. Kicking your mom out is the simple solution. Quit letting her use you, and wash your hands of her.” Bulky_Bookkeeper8556
6. AITJ For Snapping At My Wife Over A Job Offer Discussion?
“A couple of weeks back, I put in my CV and application for a position I don’t actually want.
I actually want a different position within the company, but I keep getting passed over for the job (a permanent role that I’m already doing under a casual contract). So, to make myself feel better, I put in for a role that I have over 20 years of experience doing.
I ticked all the boxes and had little doubt I’d get a nibble on the CV. In order to dissuade the employer from making me an offer, I put in an excessive salary expectation ($180,000/yr). Today, I got a phone call with a request for an interview.
So, I informed my wife that this company actually called me back and is interested. I should point out that the high end of the average salary for the position is $90,000/yr. I let the company know that I expected my requested amount because I’d be leaving a high-paying job and would need to make it worth my time as well as I’d be working away from home and need to rent an apartment as well as pay my current mortgages.
They weren’t scared off by my request. Darn! Now I need to consider this.
Here’s where things go pear-shaped at home. I haven’t committed to anything yet and I’m still doing some soul-searching as to if I want to actually live away from home (I already spend half my time away from home, fly to work, and then fly home after 2 weeks for 2 weeks back home).
So my wife starts in on me telling me I need to get my housing paid for by the company as well as the $100/hr salary. I dismissed the discussion because I told her “Let’s see what they even have to offer before I decide on anything.” Then she starts to become insulting “Well, if you take X amount and have to pay for rent, you’re making less” and “you’ve been used in the past, I just need to know where your head is at.” After a couple of weeks of being spoken to like I require assisted living, or am incapable of managing myself on my time off I finally snap and say “I’m not your daughter!
I don’t need a coach! I don’t need you to do the math for me when I can probably crunch the numbers better than you! I’ve had this career longer than your youngest daughter! I don’t need you to negotiate my career for me! I told you to wait to see what they even offer!” She says, “Fine, I won’t talk to you!” To which I reply, “Good!
Shut up and go away!”
I’ve been calming down for about an hour now, but I’m pretty sick of the constant criticism and ongoing condescending suggestions. AITJ? Probably, most likely. But I’m at wit’s end here. How do I get things to change around here?”
Another User Comments:
“This sounds like the wife is accustomed to having to be the brains behind the outfit. I bet you make decisions all the time that she has to logistically figure out how to make work. And you’re so nervous because this is a big decision, that you were actually foolish enough to antagonize the one person whose job it will be to have your back and make any transition manageable.
You sound like an ingrate. I hope she finds someone who wants to be a partner instead of whatever it is you offer, cause your communication skills leave me concerned for your ability to live up to whatever position this is you aspire to. YTJ” Mindless-Locksmith76
Another User Comments:
“YTJ You sound very overwhelmed at the moment which I hope is the reason you snapped and spoke to your wife like that. Because if it isn’t and if you think this is an acceptable way to talk to somebody you love, you have bigger problems than you think.
It sounds like your wife is worried about you being used and wants to know what you are thinking and be involved in your life which I would say is pretty normal and reasonable for a married couple. Of course, it is okay if you are feeling annoyed by this and want some space but communicate this better.
And then she needs to give you the space you need. Don’t forget that the words we use with the ones we love have a massive impact and harsh, disrespectful, and hurtful words are difficult to forget. Before you use these words think about how much you mean them, would you be okay if somebody else spoke to her this way, if not why is it okay for you to do it?
How would you feel if they were the last words you spoke to her and are you okay with your wife feeling the way those words made her feel.” Llink3483
5. AITJ For Supporting My Partner's Boundaries Against My Siblings' Surprise Visit?
“Today I was supposed to get dinner with my three siblings at 6:30 after I got off work.
I currently live part-time with my partner due to being in a medium-distance relationship (we have been with each other for a little over a year). I had just gotten to my partner’s place around 5 when one of my siblings called and said “hey we’re going to come over and hang out there before dinner and we should carpool.”
I was under the impression we were going to drive separately and because I was at my partner’s I was uncomfortable with how they stated they were going to come over instead of asking. For more context, I come from an open-door policy family and my partner does not.
I had told them they needed to ask and was uncomfortable bringing it up to my partner because they have stated before how they need boundaries when it comes to my siblings because I don’t know how to set them. My siblings don’t like to hear the answer no.
When I did bring the conversation to my partner they had said “if they would have asked I would have said yes but I don’t want them to think they can come over unannounced whenever they want” This is when events took a turn for the worse.
I knew they were not going to like that answer. They responded back with “That’s weird” “They shouldn’t be a part of our family if that’s how they are going to be” “I don’t understand why that is an issue you are our sibling.” I tried to explain to them that not everyone has an open-door policy and that the apartment is my partner’s, not mine.
They continued to state they were confused and kept saying my partner is weird and shouldn’t be in the family if that’s the way it’s going to be. One of my siblings even stated they don’t want me around because I’m with my partner.
I’m at a loss. Should I have stood up to my partner or did my siblings overreact to a situation that should have been handled differently? I am definitely the emotional one when it comes to my siblings and they know that. My partner has been nothing but nice to them the handful of times they have been around them and my siblings know how great my partner is to me, I’m confused by how this situation escalated so quickly.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you went wrong in attempting to explain. “No.” is a complete sentence requiring no explanation. What’s more, you are living with your partner. Their boundaries are reasonable (I also hate unannounced, uninvited guests, and am married to someone whose family, not just siblings-has an open door policy).
You let your siblings talk negatively about your partner. When your partner has a reasonable expectation of home being a safe space. Don’t let it happen again. For example, you could have said, Family is made of people who respect each other. We’ll get together when you understand that concept.” LetThemEatHay
Another User Comments:
“NTJ-but you didn’t handle it properly. When they said they were coming over, you already knew they were out of line. Your response should have been clearer. “That’s not going to work. I’m going to be meeting you at the restaurant.” Then change the subject.
Classic over-explainers always struggle to put the worms back in the can. There’s no reason to have involved your partner unless both of you genuinely wanted them to come hang out.” OkSeat4312
Another User Comments:
“I think it’s strange that your siblings think they can gatekeep who you can choose as your romantic partner based on whether the person obeys them or not.
Or based on anything. How about, “It’s my life so if I want this person as my partner then I don’t need to ask your permission. However, you’ll need to learn to ask permission before you come over to my partner’s house.” Reasonable-Sale8611
4. AITJ For Holding My Aunts Accountable For Neglecting Their Sick Sister?
“My mom helped raise her sisters. They were 11 years younger than her. She protected them from their father and stepfather. She quit school to watch them while her mother worked two jobs. She did a lot for them.
So when she got sick in her 50s my aunts were nowhere to be found.
All the times when she was in and out of the hospital, all the help she needed and I have no siblings so I did it all by myself. I took care of my mother, worked a full-time job, and raised a teenage daughter and never got any help from them, nothing, no concern at all.
My mom would cry that they didn’t love her or care about her and I wanted to say something but I didn’t want to ruin what relationship they did have because I knew my opinion would not go over well.
So when my mom passed away I didn’t immediately say anything but eventually basically I told them what I thought.
I think they’ve been lousy sisters and how it hurt my mom. One called me hateful and spoiled (spoiled? wtf?) Told me I was disrespecting them because I said ‘stuff’.
Then my cousin who I had been close to as a kid but hadn’t seen a lot and adulthood died. And I had to find out through his ex-wife’s social media post about 2 weeks after he passed.
I asked my aunt what happened and why didn’t you guys tell me? She said she thought I didn’t want to talk to her and I know that’s nonsense because there we have talked. Once when there were tornadoes in her area I messaged her and asked her if she was okay and I messaged Merry Christmas so yeah I mean I can be upset about what they did that doesn’t mean I can’t talk to them civilly when it’s something important.
She should have told me about my cousin dying and I told her so. Of course, I’m the unreasonable one.
Now bear in mind every time I have confronted her about the things that I feel she did wrong I am not nasty. I try and be as civil as possible when I really want to just tell her to go away.
So my opinion it’s like she’s projecting, she knows she’s wrong in how she treated my mom and she turns it on me so she doesn’t have to face up to it. Am I the jerk to hold her accountable for the way she treated my mom?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, yes she is projecting. Or she’s actually that ignorant, I don’t know. But it seems no contact might be the best solution.” BigNathaniel69
3. AITJ For Using A Blender While My Sister Was Taking An Online Test?
“This happened not too long ago. I have a sister who is both a high school and college student. She was taking her test in her room and I wanted to make myself a smoothie.
My mom did say that my sister was taking a test and to go downstairs if I wanted to use the blender. Now, she did not tell me if the test would require her to have a camera or her audio on and we didn’t know how long it would take.
My mom wanted a smoothie too and I was happy to make it for her. I took the blender downstairs and started making the smoothie and I thought everything was fine.
About 15 minutes later, my sister started screaming at me calling me names. My mom told her to calm down and my sister explained that she had to go on Zoom to take her test and her professor kicked her out and had to beg her to go back on which she did and finished her test. I apologized profusely and explained that had I known she would have her camera and audio on, then I wouldn’t have made a smoothie and I would’ve waited. She didn’t care and continued to call me names such as ‘stupid’ and ‘a dumb mean person.’ She then accused me of deliberately making a smoothie so I could get her kicked out of her class and potentially kicked out of college which is crazy of her to even say.
She is still not speaking to me and when she walks past me she will give me a dirty look and insult me under her breath. I have apologized over and over again telling her I sincerely had no idea she was on Zoom and that my mom didn’t specify anything when she told me that my sister was taking a test.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – This is pretty extreme on her part, and your mom isn’t angry at you it seems. Honestly, your sister being kicked from the Zoom call for this and having to beg the teacher to let her take the test because of noise out of her control is worrying.
I’d honestly say she needs to speak to the college more than yell at you, as that seems pretty strict when people may have things like car alarms or pets not within their own home making sounds.” Waskomsause
Another User Comments:
“Mostly YTJ. You can’t wait 45 minutes for your sister to finish her test?
Blenders are loud and it sounds like y’all have thin walls. It’s not the end of the world but it’s common courtesy to be quiet while someone is taking a test. Sure, your sister is overreacting, she’s not going to get kicked out or anything like that but it sounds like your sister was nervous about this test and that her teacher is a bit strange and not in a fun way.
This is right around the time of the first midterms which can be anywhere from 10-20% of her grade. A 0 on a midterm can be a pretty bad hit to her grade so of course she’s freaking out. And even then all the noise and fuss makes it hard to focus even if she got to retake it you just made a stressful situation 10 times worse.
If I were in her shoes I’d be pretty upset at you too because that number is important. It’s gonna take her a while to forgive you, especially if it truly messed up her grade.” MathiasKejseren
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Even if she hadn’t had her camera and audio on, it would have disturbed her test to have you use a blender while she was taking the test. There is just no excuse for this kind of inconsiderate behavior.
It doesn’t pay to be this kind of jerk; next time it might be your turn to take a test. Surely you would want people to behave considerately. Then again, why should they if you are inconsiderate this way? Always try and imagine what it would be like if the tables were turned!” FragrantEconomist386
2. AITJ For Cutting Off Contact With My Controlling Father In College?
“I’ve basically been tormented with this since I entered college. My parents are divorced, my dad remarried, and they live in the same city as me.
This all started when I was gifted a car for my 18th birthday. It was an awesome gift at first, but in order to use my car I had to sign a contract stating I would continue my visitation schedule as if I were still a minor.
This was to ensure I would keep visiting my dad. It all kind of spiraled down from there. Being able to use my vehicle became dependent on my dad’s mood, and this drove kind of a wedge between us. After I moved into my dorm at my big state college, my dad wanted me to keep using life360 and maintain my visitation schedule.
At 18, this seemed a little much but I didn’t plan on doing anything my dad wouldn’t approve of.
My partner is in the military and offered to take holiday leave to help move me into my dorm with my parents. My dad did not show up to move me into my dorm because of this.
I was pretty heartbroken because every girl dreams of her parents moving her into college. After this, my dad said that I was on the route of getting pregnant and dropping out of college. He never saw the inside of my dorm and never showed up to any of my freshman college events.
I decided it would be best to give my car back. I bought my own and decided to spend some time away from my dad. I realized I was much happier this way, and so much more relaxed all the time. I’m a sophomore now and I haven’t spent a day at my dad’s house in 1.5 years.
I do not want to go back. However, I have two half-siblings from my dad and stepmom, and my dad constantly berates me for “abandoning the family”. There is so much more to why I do not want to go back, my parents are divorced because my dad is a serial deceiver and had a horrible gambling addiction when I was a kid.
I do not know if I will ever look at him the same way I could as a kid, and will never forget the things he has said to me out of anger. Should I go back?
Just for some background on me, since it may sound like I was a wild kid who needed constant overlooking.
The worst offense I committed in high school was breaking curfew a few times. I rarely made any grades lower than A’s, and I am currently on a full-ride scholarship to my university. I have held a job since I was 16 and I was pretty well-liked within my community.
I have always lived with my mom, and have never lived with my dad because he moved away after my parent’s divorce. I am sure there are times in which I have not made the exact right decision as a young girl, but never anything bad enough to get treated the way I did.
I am currently in the top 15% of my class and I have a great relationship with all my other family. As for my current partner, he and my dad have never met. We are long-distance, and he’s about the sweetest guy you could ever meet.
My dad refuses to meet him because he is a contributing factor in me not visiting.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And it is telling that you had to even ask because the answer seems clear. Your dad sounds incredibly controlling and overbearing. You are an adult.
You get to decide who you have a relationship with. Not your dad. It sounds like you are not financially dependent on him. So if you feel healthier mentally when you avoid and ignore him, then do that.” introspectiveliar
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all.
Every detail you gave individually would be enough. “Gives” you a car, but you have to sign a CONTRACT to visit him or you lose it? And apparently, holds it over your head? He never gave you a car, he let you use HIS car with insane conditions.
Because you have a partner you are a horrible person on the road to failure? Not only doesn’t help you move in or meet your partner during the short time he’s in town, but doesn’t bother ever showing up to the school for anything and apparently has never attempted to actually visit you anyway.
I had to Google life360, so he also demanded you let him track you 24/7. He treated you like property and you broke free of it. Hold your head high even if you go full no contact with him (and I hope you’ve loved since gotten rid of the darn tracking app).” SubarcticFarmer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ my parents were never together and my dad hated my mom. Rightly so but nevertheless he just decided to never be a real dad because of it. Came in my senior year of high school and promised me he’d pay for college and a car the whole nine yards which I was elated over because my mom could never do the same.
Right before I was supposed to go off he told me I’d have to spend every summer and break with him I wasn’t allowed to live with my mom anymore. I basically had to promise to not see my mom sisters or family for 4+ years and when I was like that’s ridiculous he said it was okay because they had me for 18 years.
Just so mindlessly cruel and controlling. I didn’t end up working my way through college on my own close to my family. That was 11 years ago and I’ll never regret saying no to that kind of emotional blackmail and manipulation” Illustrious_Bird9234
1. AITJ For Refusing To Vacate The Living Room During My Partner's Work Meetings?
“I live with my partner and we live in a 3-bedroom apartment. One of the rooms is used as an office for me and one of them is used like an office for my partner and has her desk and most of her things in.
In the living room, we have the sofa and TV along with a dining table and chairs.
My partner has started working in the living room most of the time which is fine when I’m at work since I’m in my office. My partner had a 45-minute meeting yesterday and the meeting was over Zoom at 17:00.
She said she planned to have the meeting sit at the dining table. She mentioned that she would also be having a weekly meeting at noon on a Wednesday that she would be taking in the living room.
I asked why she wasn’t doing it at her desk she just said she didn’t want to.
I asked what she expected me to do since I wouldn’t even be able to sit in the living room and she said that I should just stay in the office until she was done and then when she had meetings I should just avoid the living room.
I told her I didn’t want to do that and she has a desk for her laptop specifically for work so she should be using that and not taking over the shared space for her work. She told me it’s no big deal and she isn’t going to be long.
She just said the chair in the dining room is more comfortable so I told her to just move the chair to the spare room then. She said I was being ridiculous and that she was only asking for 45 minutes.
I mentioned that I have leave coming up from work and that I’ll be using the living room but she said I was being unfair since she’ll be at work.
I just said she can’t take over a shared space and expect me to deal with it.
I just repeated that she wanted the spare room to be her office and now she’s deciding not to use it. I told her I wasn’t going to be kicked out of my own living room.
She said I was being unreasonable since it was only 45 mins this time and then 1 meeting a week and that I should be fine not coming in the living room until she was finished.
AITJ for wanting to sit in my living room?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ So she wants to work in the lounge instead of the home office, and while she is working in the lounge, she wants you to chill in the home office. That makes no sense.” Dalton402
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Can she hear herself? It’s no big deal for her to keep you out of the living room, although she has an office if she wants it.
But you can’t use the living room for its use if she wants it. If you’re ridiculous for asking for 45 minutes, how is she any less ridiculous for doing the same thing?” hubertburnette
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That’s nuts, expecting you to remove yourself from your shared relaxation area and your favorite reading chair/your TV and/or your music system, etc. One time for 45 minutes, maybe, with a good reason; but a weekly event and no reason other than “I wanna”?
I’m quite positive there *is* a reason, she’s just not wanting to share it for some reason. One guess is something superficial like how the background measures up against other participants in the Zoom – maybe her office space is cluttered, or the art on the wall in the dining room is impressive.
Could be something else, but she needs to spit it out, and then you guys canproblem-solvee from there.” CatteNappe
