People Get Real With Us In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
21. AITJ For Making My Mom Leave After She Called My Daughter Unladylike?
“I (40f) have a daughter (13f) who isn’t exactly a tomboy but does “boy” activities. I’m saying boy activities for the sake of this post. And my mom (63f) is pretty old-fashioned.
My daughter isn’t doing a sport right now, but she did a winter sport and a fall sport.
Whenever my mom saw her coming back from basketball all sweaty and stuff, she would scrunch her face. She would tell me her being sweaty and nasty isn’t a good “image,” but she wasn’t saying that to my daughter (According to her and my daughter), so I didn’t make too much of it.
On Saturday, my husband, daughter, son, and I went to a semi-formal sweet 16. My daughter wore a really nice green dress, but my mom’s issue? My daughter doesn’t wear makeup, so she wasn’t wearing any. Upon noticing, she said “Missy you are very unladylike,” and before she could sit down, I told her to get on her phone and call someone because she sure as heck wasn’t staying here after saying that.
My brother came and picked her up.
Now I wonder whether I overreacted because my daughter didn’t even seem to care and thought I should’ve let this slide. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are right to shut her down. I am 61, and I remember how oppressive “lady-like” was as a kid.
My brothers were never told to be gentlemen (that would never happen unless they were harassing a girl), but my behavior would have been curtailed in very many ways if I only allowed myself to be ladylike. It was wrong in 1969, and it’s very wrong now.
And in 1969, a 13-year-old wearing makeup (except maybe nail polish) would have been frowned upon. Your mom is inventing her own standards of womanhood that have never been normal. Keep her away from your daughter. Though truth be known, even in the 60s when “ladylike” was pretty accepted amongst the generation older than my parents, I happily ignored it and carved my own path.
Your daughter probably will too, but it’s better to be safe.” kimba-the-tabby-lion
Another User Comments:
“Your mom’s comments aren’t just outdated, they’re misogynist and gross. Your daughter NEEDS to hear you actively pushing back against them and advocating for her – and for women generally.
If you weren’t, she’d pick up on you tacitly approving these messages. You’re being a wonderful mom. There’s no one right way to be a girl or a woman, and your daughter sounds like she has a strong supporter in you on her way to growing up and being her truest self.
Thank you! You’re NTJ, of course.” rabidturbofox
Another User Comments:
“I wish you were my mom, jeez (not sarcasm). My mom was the ONE making the comments about “you should wear make-up, you’d be way more beautiful” and “you aren’t girly enough” when I wore leggings/jeans in high school.
She almost lost her mind when I cut my hair (it was past my chest, and now it’s basically a pixie cut). NTJ. Keep standing up for your daughter; even if she doesn’t seem to care now; you’ve shown her that you are her ally on matters that you think are important and that you will stand up for her when others are jerks She will carry that with her, forever.” zeeelfprince
20. AITJ For Calling Out My Partner's Neglect Of Chores Despite His ADHD?
“I live with my partner of two years. We do have pets that he is willing to feed most days as he understands the urgency of that chore.
I work three jobs currently and clock in over 60 hours a week between work and full-time study.
He has a part-time job and has multiple days off a week, but usually makes plans to hang out with friends on those days. He does not make enough for us to split bills or groceries etc equally, and the job is new so previously I have been paying for everything solo.
I would say it was 90/10 until recently, and now it’s more like 70/30.
Usually, when I am working, I take time to leave him a list of a few things to do while I’m away. Nothing ridiculous, usually a load of washing and packing dry clothes away, defrosting meat so I can make dinner for us after work, walking our dog, etc.
He has ADHD and repeatedly forgets to do things or says he will do them the next day which leads to me doing them myself. I have explained that if I put something on his daily list, it’s usually something I have already been meaning to do and have pushed back so it’s relatively urgent, or it’s a daily task like washing that needs to happen every day.
He will say something like ‘You don’t have to cook dinner every night, if I was living by myself I would just eat cereal and be fine’ or something about vacuuming etc not being urgent. I have recently been keeping track, I would say on average if I give him four 15-minute tasks to complete on his day off, he routinely forgets at least one if not two of those tasks, often with the excuse that he was hanging out with friends and didn’t get time.
It all came to a head today. I got home from work, I took an afternoon off to visit my sister who has just had a baby, and he was working this evening, starting at 5 and finishing around 8. When I got home there was a massive pile of clothes on our bed that he had been putting off packing away for at least three or four days and just adding dry washing to.
Also, he left our bedroom door open and our dog had destroyed a new pair of shoes I got two days ago. He also hadn’t taken meat out of the freezer, so we had nothing for dinner, and the sink was full of dishes.
Apparently, he had friends over this morning. I called him and left a voicemail saying he is a selfish jerk and he needs to start pulling his weight or I am leaving. I told him to get the bus home and not drive ‘my car’ anymore since he hasn’t paid a single dollar for it since he crashed his old one and we loaned a new one.
He called back apologizing and begging me to forgive him but also said it wasn’t his fault that he made plans today and said he would do the chores tomorrow. I’m staying with my parents tonight.
INFO: he is not medicated and has not tried to be.
We have discussed it and he went to a doctor and discussed it but never got around to seeing anyone about it properly. I was too busy to follow up.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even if I give him the full benefit of the doubt and assume that him spending the day playing with his friends isn’t him being lazy but due to ADHD which can’t be regulated by either habits or meds then he’d be the jerk.
Even if he forgets to do the chores, the fact that he had friends over and made an even bigger mess isn’t due to him not being able to focus, it’s due to him not caring. The example of not needing to cook every night was another such example.
I was also fine with just cereal when I was spending the day just playing games, but if I came home after 12 hours and all I had to eat was cereal then I would be considerably less fine. Even if all the issues you had were from his ADHD you wouldn’t be a jerk to be mad, everyone has certain needs and wants in a relationship, and if yours aren’t being met by having to do most of the household chores after working 3 jobs, then it’d be reasonable to question the relationship no matter the reason your needs weren’t being met.
This seems even worse though, since your SO’s biggest problem doesn’t seem to be the lack of his ability to focus, but a lack of empathy.” Lopsided_Put4682
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I hadn’t even reached the ADHD part of your post and I already wanted to reach through my screen, hold your shoulders to convey how serious I am, look you in the eyes, and tell you how much you deserve better.
You work three jobs on top of studying, cooking, and carrying the mental load, all while he works part-time and hangs out with friends. You are supposed to be equal partners, but he doesn’t want to put forth the effort. Yes, sometimes one carries more than the other, but it’s not sustainable if it only ever favors one side.
He loves the lifestyle you provide him more than he cares about what it’s doing to you.
I have ADHD. Executive dysfunction and analysis paralysis are a jerk. My memory is either frightfully accurate or on par with a goldfish. There’s no in-between. Lists, five billion alarms, and calendar reminders are the shoddy glue attempting to hold my stuff together.
Guess what? None of that would make it okay to watch my partner struggle to keep his head above water. Even when I mess up, my husband knows darn well I’m trying. You deserve someone who will at least throw you a life preserver. You’ve tried throwing him a life preserver for his ADHD with lists and constant reminders.
What is he doing to help himself with his diagnosis? You can support him with it, but he has to lead the charge.” DragonCelica
Another User Comments:
“ADHD is not a blank excuse for not getting things done or forgetting everything. He didn’t forget he made plans.
He didn’t want to do the stuff. It is a built-in excuse that victimhood has allowed people to say, but I have ADHD. I can’t remember anything. You write stuff down. You leave him notes, you call him. At this point, he knows that if he doesn’t do it in a couple of days you will.
ADHD is no excuse for being lazy or that forgetful. You can give another chance. I would not say this is a deal-breaker at this point. But tell him he needs to pick up his stuff, clean up his act, and start pulling his weight or it will be over.
He has a phone. Tell him to use the list function and alarms. NTJ.” Even_Enthusiasm7223
19. AITJ For Lying About My Due Date To My In-Laws?
“My (29F) mother-in-law lives in a different country along with their whole family.
During our wedding last year, she was extremely disrespectful towards me in ways I’m not even going to bother mentioning.
In March I was in their country visiting with my husband – we found out I was pregnant there. I was 7 weeks when I found out, we told his mom, dad, and sisters right away.
Only because we were there another week and it was better to tell them in person of course.
My husband and I asked my in-laws to keep this personal info to themselves until I’m 12 weeks at least. I told them not to tell a single other person, as I hadn’t even told my mom yet.
They said okay.
The next day all of my husband’s cousins on his mom’s side started messaging me on Instagram.. “congratulations”. My jaw dropped and I almost dropped my phone.
I’m also a high-risk pregnancy – I have PCOS, a high BMI, and many other factors.
So I was extremely nervous that I wouldn’t even make it to 12 weeks.
I told my husband and he was very upset and called his mom and yelled at her. She didn’t even apologize at all
Fast forward, I’m 18 weeks now. They asked me the due date when I went for my scan.
I told them I’m due in mid-November.. though I’m due in mid-October.
My mother-in-law, father-in-law, and sisters-in-law will be flying in in November thinking they will be here for the birth. But the baby will be one month old by then.
I did this because I know she won’t be giving me any privacy and will make everything about herself.
I know she’ll absolutely help with nothing. She doesn’t do any housework at home.. she had a maid. Let alone help me. So her coming here will just make me more stressed during birth week.
AITJ – for lying about the due date?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and if she wants to visit, you’re within your rights to say that you won’t be hosting whether it’s the week of the birth or a month later because you’ll still be recovering and bonding. Seriously, don’t host and limit visits to two hours a day.
If they want to fly out, that’s their choice, but having a baby doesn’t strip you of your right to peace in your own home. In fact, the rule when they come to visit your husband and baby should be don’t wake the mama.” Raedriann
Another User Comments:
“INFO: Did they just invite themselves to the birth of your baby? If that is so, no! Please talk with your husband about putting a stop to the incoming brigade. These people lost any privileges when they gossiped about you to feel important.” DiscussionExotic3759
Another User Comments:
“NTJ over the due date but as some here would say, why are you being a jerk to yourself in letting her come in the first place? You KNOW how she is, you KNOW how she’ll react, and worse, she’ll likely use the other in-laws’ anger over missing the birth too to send them as a herd of flying monkeys at you.
I’m not saying that she should never come but you and hubby better be clear with her on how she’s supposed to act in your home and be ready to boot her and anyone else right out the door if they act up because any unloading by her on you and him could land on the baby too.” Owenashi
18. AITJ For Cancelling My Baby Shower After My Mom Failed To Involve My Fiancé's Family?
“I’m (31F) 30 weeks pregnant with my first baby. My mom (58F) volunteered to plan my baby shower, which I thought was great since my relationship with my family has been strained for a while.
I told her all that I would like such as theme, decorations, guest list, food, etc. I knew she never planned big events like this so I told her to call my fiancé’s mom (54F) since she has experience planning big events and to get the guest list from her for my fiancé’s side of the family because my fiancé (36M) doesn’t have all the contact info for them.
She told me she would and weeks passed. I come to find out that she never called her, and my fiancé’s mom took the initiative to call her and offered help. My mom declined and didn’t get the guest list. She told my fiancé’s mom that she could make food.
I had to also take the initiative to keep calling my mom weekly to offer help since she wasn’t updating me to let me know what was happening with my baby shower. She always declined my help and never offered any info on what was going on with my baby shower.
My fiancé’s mom called my fiancé yesterday to let him know that my mom never called her back on what to make for the baby shower or got a guest list from her. I was so confused since I was under the impression that they’d been in contact more than once.
I called my mom and asked her why she didn’t call her back to tell her what to make and didn’t get her guest list. She got defensive towards me and tried to blame me for her not doing any of it. She only invited my fiancé’s mom and sister.
Nobody else on his side of the family. I hung up on her once she said, “Would anyone even come or are you trying to make me feel bad?”
My dad (60M) called me and yelled at me over this situation and he got hung up on since I’m not getting yelled at at 30 weeks pregnant.
We had a back-and-forth through text after the call until my dad told me that he’s taking my mom to urgent care.
About 20 minutes pass and my dad calls me back. He argues with me and throws up funding my college in my face even though I’ve been financially independent for nearly 10 years.
They always make me feel bad about getting me material things that I never asked for yet never listen to what I really need which is for them to just listen and be there for me.
The boiling point is when my mom flat out lies in front of my dad since both are on the call claiming that my fiancé’s mom never called her.
That was it for me. I told them to cancel the baby shower this weekend and that I’m done. She blatantly lied to save her own backside and tried to blame someone else instead of apologizing and taking any accountability. She disrespected my fiancé’s family and didn’t even invite any of them besides mom and sister even though there’s family in the area.
I haven’t heard from them since yesterday and just feel heartbroken and so stressed out. On top of it, my estranged sister (27F) sent me horrible evil vile texts that included my unborn child. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom volunteered to plan the baby shower but failed to communicate effectively with your fiancé’s mom, who had the experience and resources needed to help.
She didn’t take your suggestions seriously and avoided any updates about the planning process. This shows a lack of accountability and respect for your wishes and the importance of the event.” UrRegularFrenchGirl
Another User Comments:
“So completely NTJ. Your parents are childish and this behavior reminds me of my grandiose overt narc father and my covert narc mother.
Your parents may not be full-blown narcs, but the behavior/situation you just described is very narc-abuse behavior on your mother’s part and at least enabler behavior on your father’s–insisting on paying for things you didn’t ask for that they then hold over you, bringing up things they paid for a decade ago or even money they spent on your basic upkeep as a child, flat-out lying and doubling down when confronted over THEIR childish, disrespectful behavior…ugly.
And your sister sounds like the golden child.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“I just wanted to point out that times have changed. 32 years ago when I (and essentially, OP’s mom) was pregnant, baby showers were done differently. The mother-to-be didn’t know when, where, or who was invited until they showed up.
It was a surprise party. I had no input whatsoever on my baby shower, and that’s just how it was. The idea of telling my mother who I wanted invited, where I wanted it held, what I wanted the decorations to look like… that just didn’t happen.
So I’m a little bit confused because I don’t know when this changed. Maybe OP’s mom doesn’t either? Obviously, back in my day, it would be a complete jerk move to tell anybody that you demanded a baby shower at all, or to outline the specifics of what sort of baby shower you wanted. These days, that seems to be the way it’s done, so NTJ.” WVPrepper
17. AITJ For Calling Out My Sister's Obsession With Our Mom's Age?
“I (17m) have two sisters. My older sister is Mackenzie (32f) and my younger sister is Indie (15f). So all three of us have the same biological parents and this is important because when it comes to the weird age fixation Mackenzie only focuses on mom.
So our parents were basically my age when Mackenzie was born and in their 30s when they had me and then Indie. Mackenzie has always, and I mean always, fixated on how glad she was that Mom was only 18 years older than her and how she couldn’t imagine her being older because they’d be less close.
Mackenzie internalized this mindset so much that she had her kids when Indie and I were still really young and she refuses to have more because she thinks she’d be an old mom now and believes Indie and I had an old mom. She always makes comments about how weird it is that Mom and Indie are so close because she couldn’t do it at that age gap and stuff.
She never mentions this about Dad. Like ever.
Indie and I roll our eyes when it comes up and our parents told Mackenzie on occasion that she shouldn’t think like that. Mom said she’d still love and connect with her but she’d have more tools to be a better parent if she’d been older.
I think it probably freaked them out when Mackenzie had two kids before 20 to be a really young mom like our mom was to her.
My parents went out of town recently and they had us stay with Mackenzie while they were gone. One of the days we were with her Mackenzie started talking about mom’s age again and I told her I find her obsession with that so weird.
I told her Indie and I have no problem being close to Mom or Dad because they had us in their 30s and can she please shut up about it because 17 years of listening to that gets SO old. Mackenzie said I shouldn’t be so rude and I don’t know what I’m missing out on.
I actually have her soft-blocked and unfollowed on social media because she even makes these comments on posts about the age of parents. It’s so annoying.
Mackenzie is upset at me for calling her obsession weird and she complained to our parents about me. My parents weren’t mad.
They even apologized we had to hear that stuff so often. But Mackenzie feels I owe her an apology.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s old enough to understand that she’s crossing your boundaries. She’s disrespecting you, your sister, and your mother by insinuating she has a much better relationship with Mom than you and your sister ever will.
She refuses to stop talking about it even though you’ve asked her to stop. She needs to grow up and act her age. If it’s so concerning to her, she shouldn’t be talking about it at all, and she should be doing everything possible to foster that relationship.” lilolememe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Unfortunately, your sister is trying hard to justify her existence. Maybe deep down she feels like she is a mistake and needs to keep justifying herself. And is probably projecting because she feels lonely having siblings 15 years and 17 years younger. The age difference will definitely come into play for sibling closeness.
Fixation on your mom must be because she is the one doing the carrying and birthing of children, and relates to that as a woman. I hope she gets into therapy to figure out her feelings and your parents should try to convince her to do so.
Your parents should have a talk with her.” raonstarry
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s highly likely that she regrets her foolish decisions about age and parenting but has backed herself into a corner. If she takes it back now, it means she made the wrong choices, particularly regarding her children.
So she is loudly and frequently doubling down in the hopes someone will validate her thinking. That doesn’t particularly help you as I highly doubt she will ever stop saying this, but it may provide some context for why she is pushing this ludicrous idea so hard.
You don’t owe her an apology. She absolutely owes you one for just how frequently she insinuates that you and your sister can’t be as close to your mother as she is. It’s bizarre how much she is trying to gatekeep something like this.” Cursd818
16. AITJ For Growling At A Homeless Man Who Told Me To Smile?
“Some homeless guy sitting on the ground on the Southbank side of Waterloo bridge yesterday told me to smile when I walked past him.
I make a point of not smiling on random people’s command and I hate it when people think it’s okay to do that, because I smile when I’m happy, not when some random person tells me to.
This guy doesn’t know what was going on in my life. Maybe I’d just had some terrible, life-changing news. So I growled at him and kept walking. I heard him say ‘rude’ in the distance from behind as I walked off.
About a minute later he snuck up behind me and aggressively growled at me and called me a ‘rude jerk’, (which seemed quite rude in itself to be honest).
Am I the jerk here? If he’d just asked for money I’d have sooner given him that.”
Another User Comments:
“This really reminds me of high school. In Belgium, you have full-time art school in high school, like not just art classes, but almost everything revolves around art: art history, multiple art topics, just full-time art aside from languages and math and geography, and even those topics were often seen from an art perspective.
Needless to say, our art classes were given by artists. Artists would comment on your blue hair, saying that pink suited you better, for example. Artists could drool over a technically very “bad” drawing and give a fail to a photorealistic one. It was… Not very factual, but very fun nonetheless.
You were forced to see the blue and the purple in an apple, or you were not fit to be there, basically. Anyway, one day, I came into a drawing class, I was 15, and I had just had a fight with someone about nothing. I was annoyed, everything was negative.
The teacher stood in front of my desk, and the conversation went something like this:
“You look so sour?”
“Yeah, I’m not feeling so well.”
“I don’t like sour faces in my class.”
“Well, I can’t help my emotions can I?”
“Smile.”
“Why would I?
I’m not feeling well.”
“Smile or I will throw you out of the classroom.”
I was super shocked, grabbed my stuff, and just left. NTJ, emotions are emotions, and if you’re not feeling it, why show it?” Zee5neeuw
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No one should ever tell someone to smile etc unless they are very close to them or know what they are going through.
I used to work at a concession in a supermarket which meant I stood around a lot, bored. Got it all the time by people “smile” or “cheer up, it might never happen”. One thought after the “cheer up, it might never happen” I decided to reply as I wasn’t in the mood, “no, my cat’s just died”.
It was true and he walked away so quickly looking embarrassed.” IsolationLoneliness
Another User Comments:
“No, you don’t need to smile just because some jerk is looking at you and trying to engage. It’s what I considered an entitled man attitude, like calling you honey or sweetie.
No, I’m not your honey or sweetie, and no you don’t know me, no need to try to tell me what to do, when it is to presumably make me look pretty or make you happy. However, note to self, do not growl at a homeless person, who might be mentally ill.” BakedStarfish83
15. AITJ For Refusing To Go To The More Expensive University My Parents Want Me To Attend?
“I (17M) have been looking at universities to go to and have been saving up for a specific one for years. My parents know about this and have been making small remarks about how I should pick a more expensive one because it’s the one my older sister (27F) went to.
My parents have recently become increasingly worse with their remarks and are now straight up telling me to go to the university my sister went to because “I need to be more like her.”
I asked my parents if they would be paying for the university as it is more expensive, further away, and they paid for my sister to go even when she has a job and to this, my parents said I was being selfish and that I have to pay it myself as I have been saving up for a while anyways.
I said that they have no right to tell me what university I “have” to go to if they won’t pay for it and I don’t want to.
Now I have my whole family texting me saying my parents just want what is best for me but I really don’t see a point as the university I have chosen is just as good as the other and I could get an apartment near campus however the other one is only little ones on campus shared with others and that’s really not my desire.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your parents are not paying, it’s not their call. Go where you can afford it and not graduate with insurmountable debt for the next 20 years. A bigger name university they can throw the name around to impress people doesn’t mean anything for most careers.
Math and science don’t change depending on the school. This is your life and your responsibility and you get to decide. Stop talking about it with them and just say you’ll seriously consider what they are saying and think about it, whether or not you are, until you are 18.
Make certain that money at age 18 is immediately transferred into an account they cannot touch at a different bank than they use that they don’t know about. Otherwise, they can literally steal it out from under you with no legal recourse (in the US). Don’t escalate things until that money and the future you want is safe.
And make sure you have a copy of your important papers – birth certificate, social security card if in the US, passport, etc.” Antelope_31
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a clear “put up or shut up” situation. As in, if you aren’t putting up the cash, you can keep your ridiculous opinions to yourself.
Also, how exactly is going to the same university as your sister supposed to make you more like her? Last I checked, uni isn’t boot camp, it’s not really designed to churn out copies of a mold.” Arianoor
Another User Comments:
“What your parents didn’t tell you… was that once you leave the house after being 18, you’re an adult… Once you’re an adult and you’re paying your way through university,… Parenting is over.
And you need to remember this. REMEMBER THIS… This is going to start all over again the minute you get married, have a child… I know this is down the road but REMEMBER THIS. I’m old and it happened to me, and I made sure I did not do that to my daughter.” Stankinbigbooty
14. AITJ For Kicking Out An Acquaintance Who Ate Most Of My Pizza And Complained About It?
“A couple of weeks ago, I had an acquaintance over for movies and pizza, a nice sober night of fellowship. I ordered two pizzas because I assumed I would have leftovers for the next couple of days, but this guy ate most of those two pizzas.
Then he had the nerve to ask me if I could order pizza from somewhere else next time because he did not like the crust.
I told him to get lost and go home at that point, and that he really should have thanked me for feeding him that much pizza instead.
Now he decided to respond to that by going to a bar and drinking and saying I drove him to break his AA sobriety.
What is this? Logically I know that’s on him, but emotionally I feel the need to take full responsibility for a newbie in AA going back to drinking.
Perhaps I was too hard on him.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. At first I was on the fence about this because I was always taught that when you have guests and you provide food, prepare to have a good amount ready so they can have as much as they want but the fact that he ate most of it and then complained about the crust was bs.
He could have asked you if you’d mind ordering from his favorite place or he could have offered to buy it the next time since you bought it this time.” itstotallynotlara
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!!! 17 years, friend. Tell that clown to call his sponsor, and you…call yours.
LOL! You did a good deed, trying to help a newcomer. However, you’ll find that… some are sicker than others. Don’t trip. You did NOTHING wrong. It was a completely reasonable boundary. Dude is a mooch and a user. If getting called out on his bad behavior caused him to relapse, he’s clearly not ready to get honest with himself.” Readsumthing
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – and the sobriety thing…. You didn’t force him to drink. If he can’t be told he’s ungrateful without falling off the wagon, maybe he should go to a sober living facility where people can babysit him. As a recovered addict, the “you made me do it because nonsense excuse” is disgusting.
Take some accountability.” turbomonkey3366
13. AITJ For Not Apologizing To My MIL After Declining Her Late Offer to Help?
“I (F31) am about to finish my degree and my final thesis was due on Thursday. I have almost a 2-year-old son and a husband whose working hours are from 8 am to 9 pm. I work full time myself. Normally, we all leave the house around 6:30 am, leave the kid in daycare around 7 am, and both head to our workplaces (our offices are 5 min apart of walking distance).
I pick up my son from daycare around 5 pm and head home. We both spend some time and around 7 pm I will put him to sleep, which takes time, so he is asleep around 7:30 pm and I leave his bed around 8 pm. This is to give an understanding of what the usual day looks like.
Normally, both, my husband and I plan everything in advance, but life happens, our son gets sick, I get sick. This happened two weeks before said deadline, so my plans went down the sink.
So, Thursday was a very hard day, in the morning it was obvious that I needed help, my husband tried to change his workload, but his boss said no, and he suggested to call his mom.
I texted her saying, sorry for such a short notice, but everything slipped out of my hands and it would be great if she could come after work to be with my son and maybe put him to sleep, as the deadline was today. She said no, I said I understood, and did not push more.
I called my boss, and asked if it would be ok if I did what was urgent and finished everything on Sunday, she said ok. So, after noon, when I finalized the most important tasks from my work, I sat down to do my thesis.
My son spent most of the day playing near me, and watching Bluey. In the evening I put him down to sleep and again sat down to make the changes in my paper. I managed to correct and submit my thesis 30 min before the deadline.
On Friday morning, my MIL texted me, she can come after work today to be with my son, so I could do my uni stuff, I politely declined and mentioned that I had already submitted my paper yesterday, so I wanted to spend Friday evening with my son, to compensate for yesterday.
She didn’t reply and I thought we were good.
On Saturday, we had plans with MIL and FIL to go spend the day in the park and BBQ since the weather was nice (we agreed on that two weeks in advance). My husband called her to inform we were running a bit late, she said she and FIL are not coming.
He asked why and she said it’s because of me, and will not come, unless I apologize. To say I was shocked would be an understatement of the year. My husband asked what happened, I showed him the messages. He called his father, and MIL thinks I refused her help on purpose, so she would feel bad.
Honestly, I have so much going on in my life right now, that I have neither time nor will to read into other people’s feelings. I do not see why I need to apologize. My husband is on my side, since we share the view that we can always ask for help, and other people always have a right to say no. His FIL understands us, but insists I would be the bigger person here, and just write the darn text.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…do not write the darn text that they want. “Mil, I am really not sure what you are upset about. I asked you to watch son, you said no. I was fine with that. I got done what needed to get done.
You called the next day to say you could watch son, but I had explained that I finished what I needed to and was good. And now you are mad at me, why exactly? I am really unclear as to exactly what you feel I did wrong to warrant this treatment from you?” Put the ball in her court.
You did nothing wrong and should not have to apologize to keep peace. I have a MIL like this. My husband and I just let her do her “silent” treatment anymore when she gets a bug up her butt. The only one she affects anymore is herself.” Worth-Season3645
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t know why she didn’t want to help when you needed the help (didn’t understand, busy, petty) but it’s ridiculous for her to insist on babysitting when you don’t need it anymore and throw a tantrum. Honestly, it looks like she set YOU up by refusing to help when it would be helpful and having a tizzy about you not needing the help the next day after you meet your deadline.
“OP demanded babysitting so she can do uni stuff and then she had the nerve to turn down my offer!” Well yeah, she wasn’t available the day you actually needed help on a deadline you can’t renegotiate to fit her schedule. You don’t need to apologize to HER when she was the one being petty, both times.
The closest I would go to an apology is to say “I’m sorry I wasn’t clear enough that my deadline was Thursday and not Friday.”” PotentialUmpire1714
Another User Comments:
“She sounds delusional and for some reason wants to make you a villain for her not watching her grandchild when you asked. What’s obvious is the fact that she knew you were close to the deadline for your thesis and didn’t ask if you needed help with babysitting so you could work uninterrupted during this crucial time after being sick?!
You can be strategic in the way you word the apology and write: I’m sorry you are upset that you weren’t able to be an active and present grandparent for a few hours and that my asking you for help was obviously an inconvenience for you, causing you to misinterpret the fact that I managed without you as an insult.
YWNBTJ. ” Listen_2learn
12. AITJ For Refusing Service To A Customer After He Spread Lies About Me?
“I 26F work at a shop (smoke shop/glass shop). So with that being said I don’t generally have the best clientele. This gentleman is a regular and gets the same thing every time he comes in. Some days I remember what it is some days I don’t.
Every time, however, he reaches over the counter to point at what he needs. Barely using his words to just tell me what he needs and so it feels like a battle trying to get him the products. Just saying “no that one” and proceeding to point instead of using his words.
All the while he is quite literally knocking things over on the counter, (those items have since been moved to 1. Make it easier to see behind the counter, and 2. To try and prevent that from happening again) so I asked him, very nicely to not reach over the counter because he’s knocking things over and it also just makes me uncomfortable.
He did not like that. Gave me a dirty look or a weird look, proceeded to check out, took a business card, and asked if the owner’s number was on it, it’s not so I said no it wasn’t and that I don’t have their number.
I’ve also been told strictly not to give out my immediate boss’s phone number as it’s his personal number and not a company line. I’m also the manager of the location. I realize I annoyed the guy but didn’t think a whole lot of it because I don’t see why it’s a problem to ask someone to not reach over the counter and knock things over.
A few hours later I received a call from a different location saying this guy called to complain about me. Went ahead and told the employee how rude I was, that I told him he looked homeless and yelled at him for parking his car in front of the shop.
None of which is true, he’s a clean-shaven tall old man, no idea where he got the homeless comment from. He did park in front of the shop where the curb is painted red so while it is technically illegal, I don’t care about that whatsoever because customers do it all day long to run in and out of the shop for a quick purchase.
So I knew he would come back in and try to do the same thing, and when he did come in he had a different approach. This time he parked in an actual spot, like I never cared about, and walked in already yelling out what he wanted. I stopped him mid-sentence and told him because he wants to go spread lies about me to other locations and come for my job then he can purchase his products at those other locations.
AITJ?
Also, his daughter came in later and tried to continue to spread lies about me and my customer service. If you saw our Google reviews I’m consistently mentioned by name because people, typically, love me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, as a supervisor I tell everyone under me that if any customer is rude to you we don’t have to take their nonsense and that I have their back.
I had a customer call and reach me to blast me for what “my girl” did and I told him I don’t appreciate his term and that I would look into it after I spoke to ____. After hearing her side I told her that I had her back and called the customer back.
When he went on a sexist rant I told him that we would not be doing business with him and hung up. It was worth it to prove to my staff that I have their back.” AtomicBlastCandy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a manager, you have the right to set boundaries for customer behavior, especially when it affects your comfort and the store’s environment.
Politely asking a customer not to reach over the counter is a reasonable request. The customer’s reaction and subsequent actions, including spreading falsehoods about you, were inappropriate and escalated the situation unnecessarily. When he returned and continued his disrespectful behavior, you were within your rights to refuse service based on his previous conduct.
Your approach was firm but fair, ensuring that your workplace remains a respectful environment for both employees and customers. It’s important to maintain professionalism but also to stand up against unjust treatment and false accusations. Your decision to handle the situation as you did shows that you are committed to maintaining a respectful and well-run business.” Informal-Witness-444
11. AITJ For Wanting My Neighbor's Hunting License Revoked After Catching Him Poaching?
“I (45M) own a house and a decent chunk of land in Montana. There are 10 other houses that are part of the same association, which holds in common about 1000 acres of “common area” that is “wild” and is part of the range of a herd of elk.
I’ve ended up running the association, as no one else is willing to do it, and I’m a sucker. The membership is unanimously against allowing hunting in the common area and we have “no hunting” signs posted all around the property.
In the last couple of years, we have had intermittent problems with poachers.
These are not particularly responsible hunters. For example, we had a hunter hit a buck, which ended up wounded and dying in my driveway. Another neighbor found one dead in his pond. The local game warden will follow up on illegal hunting, but complaining parties need to have some evidence of who is doing the poaching — for example pictures of vehicles with license plates.
To that end, I set up game cameras in several places where poachers might park to access the common area. We had an incident of poaching and the cameras caught a pair of trucks of hunters parking on an adjacent road. It turns out that one of these trucks belongs to someone we all know, who lives a few miles down the road from us.
He claims that he was not the one poaching, but rather it was his teenage son and friends. We can’t tell from the photos. The game warden is trying to pull the licenses of both of them. The father is asking us to talk to the game warden to try to get him to leave his (father’s) license alone.
My neighbors and I are of the view that we should encourage the warden to throw the book at the whole family. The truck is the father’s and whether he was there or not, he should be held responsible. He also has never volunteered to cover any of the costs that have been imposed on our association by poaching (though we don’t know if the same people are responsible in all cases), for example hiring someone with a front loader to come haul away giant dead bucks.
However, some other friends of mine, who are themselves hunters, say that losing the right to a hunting license is a big deal and that we should cut him some slack. Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ = If he was so concerned about his hunting license to begin with, he wouldn’t have allowed his vehicle used for poaching.
He deserves exactly what he is getting, a headache and possible loss of his hunting license. You haven’t done anything wrong, he has with his poor choices. Let the warden throw the book at the entire family as it serves them right.” Mustng1966
Another User Comments:
“You don’t know if it was the father or the son. They both know it’s the common area as they live close to it. This is a difficult situation as you are in a hunting State and it’s a big thing out there. But the father needs to have some control of his son and just because the son did it, the father still has some responsibility for his own truck.
Maybe not a permanent ban but you need to give all the information and let him do the dealing with it. You have to deal with the fallout of the poaching, the father has to deal with the fallout of not controlling his property and teaching his son the correct way to hunt.
It’s not your call to see who gets the book thrown at them. You need to be responsible for your own actions NTJ.” Even_Enthusiasm7223
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Poachers suck and should lose their license. You say rural Montana? Surely there is a vast area around you to hunt legally.
Whether you need to, or you enjoy it as a sport, I’m all for hunting. I have never been, always wanted to but nobody in my family does it. (I do love fishing though but had to teach myself and after years I’m still a novice.) Anyone taking an animal and just removing a trophy while letting the rest to just rot is awful, unless it is invasive or overpopulated and there is a legitimate need to reduce the numbers of a specific species.” anowlenthusiast
10. AITJ For Wanting To Split Mom's Birthday Bill Equally Among Siblings Despite Uneven Household Sizes?
“Our mom is a widow, and it’s us 3 siblings. It’s my brother the oldest, my sister is the middle child, then me the youngest.
Bro’s household consists of 5 (his wife and 2 kids, plus their oldest kid’s partner.) Sis’s household consists of 4 (her husband and 2 kids.) Then it’s my husband and me, no kids.
My mom lives with my husband and me, and we support her financially.
Whenever we celebrate birthdays in our family, either my brother, sister, or I will treat the rest of the fam, depending on whose birthday it is. So for instance, if it’s my husband’s bday, I will take the whole fam out to celebrate and pay for all 12 of us.
If it’s my BIL’s bday, my sister will treat all 12 of us, etc. For Mom’s birthday or Mother’s Day, my sibs and I will split the bill evenly 3 ways, regardless of each of our household sizes. It just made sense, was easy, and just became a tradition over the years.
Flash forward to Mom’s birthday coming up. We siblings planned for her a fun day out and a nice brunch. Again, the usual 12 of us in total, and the plan was to split the tab 3 ways between us siblings.
Well, my brother contacts me with a sudden change of plans.
His son & partner are going on a trip, and won’t be able to make it. Ok, understandable. Then he texts me again that now his daughter and wife won’t be coming either, because she has a math test to study for, and his wife needs to take her.
So it’ll just be him now. Ok, that’s fine too. Next text is that we shouldn’t split the bill evenly 3 ways because our households are now unevenly distributed. He says it’s just him so he should just pay for himself, and my sister should have to pay for her own husband and kids, and I should only have to pay for my husband and me.
My issue here is that over the years, we never took into account the number of people, we always just split it evenly amongst the 3 of us because we are sharing the experience of taking Mom out for a nice day. It feels like he is only now bothered by it in this case because the numbers aren’t in his favor this time.
But he never considered it when the tables were turned and I was doing that every single time.
At first, I agreed because I didn’t want to make him feel awkward. But then was like forget it, he is the one who made it awkward.
I kindly reminded him that it’s always been an uneven breakdown from my perspective, but that we always have split evenly. And he rephrases and says that I shouldn’t have to have that burden. What burden? I never had an issue with it, and neither did he until now.
Another side note. Bro and his wife each make well over 6 figures each. Sis is a stay-at-home mom, so single income household. Bro wants to pay for his meal only + his share of Mom’s ($60 total), when if we split the entire bill 3 ways it would be $120 for each sibling.
He’s making a stink over $60.
AITJ for wanting to keep mom’s birthday as planned and just split the bill 3 ways?”
Another User Comments:
“I think you agree… but also remind him that next time he’ll be paying for his entire family and you won’t be covering any portion of his check.
Also, are you going to take the bill and Venmo everyone later? Without throwing in 3 cards and asking the server for an equal split, you’re going to have a bit of an odd convo in front of your mom with the server – bro gets his bill plus 1/3rd of mom’s, older sister gets hers, child, 1/3rd of mom’s, and I get the rest.” Ngr2054
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- we had a similar-ish issue in our family with kids/presents. My aunty with the oldest and most kids decided once hers turned 16 she wasn’t buying gifts for anyone else’s kids anymore because hers were grown out of it.
Well one other aunty has 2 kids of similar ages but my brother and I are 10+ years younger than hers and my other aunty has no kids at all. The one with no kids (despite years of trying) had never once complained about the fact she has to pay out hundreds on birthday and Christmas gifts and barely gets anything in return yet the one who’s had the most was the first to stop contributing.” Perfectly2Imperfect
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like it works out to be less of a bill for you. I’d say in my family I ended up paying for most things of this nature because I was in a better financial position due to better choices and some luck here and there.
By no means rich and I did feel it at times, but with both parents gone at this point, in retrospect, I’m glad we were all together for these things and the money seems really trivial at this point. I’d let roll and focus more on the family time.” GraphicSarcasm
9. AITJ For Refusing To Pay Utilities After Moving Out Early?
“I (24M) moved out of a rowhouse where I had no lease and split the rent three ways. The utilities had become astronomical because it was an old house and whenever I tried to ask it to be fixed nothing happened. When I opened my overhead light I saw the wiring was a blatant fire hazard.
All on top of that there was a mouse problem and an increasingly toxic roommate situation. So I chose to move out.
I didn’t have a lease, so I had nothing keeping me there. I found a place and chose to move immediately. I moved out on December 2nd, but I didn’t want to be a jerk despite the recent tensions, so I gave notice on the first and chose to pay December rent so I wouldn’t screw them over with bills.
A previous roommate had left and I paid an extra 50% in rent for 2 months because my roommate wanted to leave a room vacant for 2 months so his friend could move in. While I was moving out I found items I had left in the common area, like a $250 keyboard had gone missing and my roommates said they had no idea when I asked about it.
However, I just wanted a clean break so I left.
Well, at the start of this month, the roommate that had lived there the longest (32M) billed me for my share of December utilities. Somehow, even though I didn’t spend a single day there the entire month of December (I moved out the day I returned from Thanksgiving travel), the utilities were more expensive than when I actually lived there.
I honestly thought it was an error at first. My utilities bill for 1/3 of the house was $350.
Then, said roommate texted me saying that he was “choosing to forget” various other fees he said he could charge me. First being pest control for $80 and then repairs to the light fixture and its wiring for $220.
I responded by saying the light fixture was not broken by me and that the wiring issues clearly predated my time in the house. I offered to pay the exterminator. I told him that it’s absurd to charge me for utilities for the month of December if I didn’t even live there and offered to pay the equivalent of two days.
He responded by sending me Venmo requests for the additional $300. He claims that by paying December rent I did not move out on December 2nd, but in fact moved out on December 31st and am responsible for my share of the costs incurred during that month.
He also added an additional threat by claiming I caused the mouse problem and that if I don’t pay now he will find additional charges where he can “get the money I owe him for causing these problems back”.
Personally, I regret giving him the equivalent of two months’ worth of extra rent throughout my time in the house now.
I’m even now planning to just ignore him and allow him to take me to small claims court if he wants. However, I am worried if I’m actually being a jerk by not paying? Is he actually right and I am still screwing him over.
That doubt makes me unsure if I was actually in the right this whole time. So AITJ for refusing?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I could argue that you owed December’s rent since you were there for (a very tiny) part of the month and they had no way of getting someone to replace you with no notice, but since you paid that is a moot point.
As to utilities or phantom damages? “Here’s my third of the 2/31 of the days I was there. That’s 2% of the total bill. If you think you deserve more, I’ll see you in court. I’m not going to pay for an exterminator, I didn’t let your pet mice in.
If you want anything else, I’ll see you in court.”” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Buddy, you don’t owe him anything. These are his expenses and his alone (or other roommates, but not yours). Just ignore him, and stop giving him any attention. He knows he has nothing to enforce these ridiculous charges, but is still trying.
Forgot about him. Move on from this.” BulbasaurRanch
Another User Comments:
“Tough one, but leaning towards ESH. If there are 3 people in an apt, and one moves out, you don’t suddenly use 1/3rd less utilities. You are still heating/cooling the entire house, the amount of lights being used in common areas doesn’t change much, the internet bill is the same, etc. Your roommate is also being a jerk, accusing you of things, and threatening other bills, etc. So, I get not wanting to work with them.” Weed_O_Whirler
8. AITJ For Wanting To Tell My Friend That Our Other Friend Is Oversharing Her Private Information?
“Annie overshares about people around her. She is genuine and nice but she will gossip about people under the guise of telling interesting stories.
One time, our friend group was hanging out. There were 6 of us total. She started talking about Sally. Everyone in our group knows Sally.
None of us are super close to Sally but if we see her and her husband out and about, we will stop to ask how they are doing and such.
Annie was telling us how much money Sally has etc. Then Annie told us that Sally’s husband told Annie and her husband that he did not enjoy his intimate life with Sally and it is not as good as his previous experiences.
Sally was not there for that conversation. It was a conversation that Annie, Annie’s husband, and Sally’s husband had privately.
This seemed too private for Annie to share with us, a group of friends who know Sally and her husband.
I am conflicted on whether I should tell Sally.
I’m not super close to Sally but Annie and Sally are pretty close. I don’t want to seem like I’m driving a wedge between them. But also, if someone was sharing private info about me, I would want to know.”
Another User Comments:
“You should have stopped Annie when she was telling the story instead of letting her divulge intimate things like that. I know that is a difficult thing to do, and didn’t even need to be said in front of everyone, but should have been done.
You could have come up with something to stop her, steer her away from the group, and tell her to knock it off, that it was a terrible thing to do. And consider this, if Annie divulges personal things about Sally, she does about everyone else in her life too, including you.
The term is a gossip. Annie is a terrible gossip. It isn’t too late to tell her that you think she stepped over the line with what she told. I don’t know that you should tell Sally though. Maybe tell Sally’s husband what Annie did.
He should know that Annie is a blabbering gossip. I think it was horrible of him to gossip about his wife to her friends like that. Poor Sally needs new friends and a new husband because the ones she has all are terrible. Maybe someone should tell poor Sally.
But if you do it, be prepared for everyone to come unglued at you.” 77Megg77
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ. Annie is the jerk twice over – once for not having her friend’s back and telling Sally what her husband said about her, twice for sharing that information with mutual friends.
You’ve said she is nice but that is NOT nice girl behaviour. What motivation could she possibly have for sharing that?! Sally’s husband is a jerk so massive he could poop out Jupiter. That’s something you share with your partner and ONLY your partner (or maybe a marriage counselor/therapist).
There are many many MANY ways to improve your intimate life and NONE of them involve making cruel comments about your wife’s perceived shortcomings to a mutual friend.” leopardess87
Another User Comments:
“You wouldn’t be the jerk. Think about it this way, you started by describing Annie as genuine and nice, but is she?
Gossiping about people isn’t nice, and it’s even worse that it’s about someone else’s intimate life that one of the people whose intimate life it belongs to isn’t even aware of. Annie is out of line exposing it and Sally’s husband is weird for talking about this to someone else and not to his actual wife.
It’s out now, and I’m with you in wanting to tell her about it. It wasn’t kind to share it with a group, and she might also wanna know that her husband isn’t satisfied with their intimate life. Him telling it to others like that is… ew.
And he compared her to past experiences? Husband of the year, that one.” walking_elephants
7. AITJ For Wanting To Lock My Bathroom Or Remove Toilet Paper To Stop My Roommates From Using It?
“I (21F) live in a house with two other women both my age. We all have our own bedrooms and bathrooms however my bathroom is not connected to my room like how theirs is (it is across the hall from my room). Important context that my bathroom is pretty small with the toilet, vanity, and shower less than an arm’s length away from one another, in my home country the toilet is usually separate from the shower and vanity.
The problem is they are using my bathroom without my permission. It wouldn’t be a big deal to me if it wasn’t for two facts. 1. They leave the toilet seat up after use. To each your own on that but it is really unsanitary and when my bathroom is so small and I have my towels and toothbrush in such a small vicinity it makes me feel unclean and icky.
2. They use my toilet paper. Now I know that doesn’t seem like a big deal and sounds petty but the two of them both have parents that send them weekly allowance where I work 5-6 days a week to support myself and all my expenses.
I have had a few conversations about it with them before and they stopped using my bathroom for quite a while but I have noticed they have started again when I come home from work and my toilet seat is up. I feel now disrespected since they willingly go against my wishes and also feel a slight invasion of privacy since it is my personal bathroom.
You do not see me going into their bathrooms and using it when they are not around so I feel the same should be respected of me even though my bathroom is more public.
I came to terms that I don’t want to have another conversation with them as I now feel it is a waste of time and have decided the only two things to try to fix this situation would be to put a lock on my bathroom or to remove the toilet paper from it.
Removing the toilet paper is what I am currently thinking about since it would be a lot easier to do and less aggressive of a measure. I am however questioning now if that would be too big of a reaction for the problem and if I should just suck it up.
However, another part of me wants to be petty to get my point across.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – They have their own bathrooms and should be using them & directing their guests to use them as well. I say change the locks, but if you remove the toilet paper also remove your toothbrush/mouthwash and anything they may damage or misuse out of spite.
Removing the TP may also not stop them and a lock is a better way to ensure they don’t use it.” chaenukyun
Another User Comments:
“When I lived at home I shared a bathroom with my younger brother. We were both adults at the time and I would BEG him to replace the empty toilet paper roll if he finished it.
I was tired of being stranded without any paper. I finally said forget it and kept my own toilet paper in my room. Whenever I need to use the toilet I’d bring my TP and when I was done I’d bring it back to my room.
Not long after he started replacing the roll when he finished. I still continued to bring my own toilet paper with me anyway lol I’d put a lock on your door though. Keeping the toilet lid up when you flush is beyond gross and unsanitary.
And the likelihood of them just putting a toilet paper roll in there or bringing their own is high NTJ. I vote lock.” AllergicToGravity
Another User Comments:
“It’s your bathroom, do whatever you want. If it was me, I’d use those new fingerprint doorknobs – less hassle than the TP.
NTJ Also, are you paying equal rent to your roommates? Even though you all have your own bathrooms, since yours is not connected, and therefore not as convenient, you should be paying less rent than your roommates with their connecting bathrooms. If rent is equal, you’re letting them take advantage of you.” Majestic_Register346
6. AITJ For Confronting A Teenager Trespassing On My Property?
“Yesterday, I (45M) observed a neighborhood teenage boy trespassing on my property. I decided to say something to him as this is not the first time and we have signs posted (PRIVATE PROPERTY NO TRESPASSING).
There are 2 signs posted, at both ends of a temporary dirt accessway used by landscaping and construction vehicles. I observed the teen jogging up the accessway from 1 house away, while walking my dogs.
My wife (42F) was also with me and she knows him better than I do.
My wife got his attention by yelling, from 1 house away: “HEY (name)! You know you’re not supposed to be on there! What are you doing?” to which the boy shrugged and said he “didn’t know”. I chimed in with “did you see the signs?” to which he replied “yes”.
I followed with “And you CAN you read, right?”, the boy confirmed he could and I continued with “then you should know you can’t be on there – that’s our yard, not public space – please don’t cut through our yard.”
The boy was out jogging, and with our message made clear my wife and I didn’t see the point in taking it any further, so we said goodbye and the boy jogged off.
The boy’s mother (40s F) was walking down the street toward us immediately after the boy jogged off. My wife and the boy’s mother are neighborhood friends (a friend group of ladies that does social events like concerts, brunch, parties, etc. but that’s about it).
The boy’s mother asked my wife what happened because she either heard or saw us talking to her son. My wife explained the situation and the mother said she didn’t know the accessway wasn’t public property and doubled down saying she and her family used it all the time.
At this point, I had already said goodbye and started walking back to the house with the dogs, as the ladies talked – and I needed to get the dogs home.
Around an hour later, I got a social media message from the father (40s M) asking me to call him.
I called the father and he asked me what happened, so I relayed the story, as above, what happened, what was said, how it ended, etc. The father proceeded to tell me that I was a “jerk” to his son and that I shouldn’t have said anything to the boy – instead, I should have called the father and he would have “handled it”.
I reiterated my points to the father that the accessway on our property is temporary for construction access only, there are signs posted, our social media posts, the HOA letter, etc. how the boy admitted to seeing them and ignored them anyway – and why I said what I said as a light-hearted way to say “stay off our property”.
The father came back with “..if you want to be a jerk to a kid, then that says a lot about who you are…” This went back and forth a few times, me repeating my points and wondering why the father wanted to talk in the first place – and the father calling me a “jerk” for saying what I did to his son.
So, AITJ for asking a teenage boy if he could read, after ignoring posted no trespassing signs?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ — Have encountered rowdy kids in my own neighborhood. While your comment may have stung a bit, he was actively trespassing despite a sign being posted. The kid is obviously old enough to know better and know that when you trespass, there can be consequences.
I hate being that way, especially as a bit older, Gen Z, but most parents have started to develop a “nobody can say anything to my baby” attitude that just seems to worsen some bad behavior. Now, do I think there was a possibility the kid might have framed it in a different light, yes, but ultimately, you would have had some responsibility if the kid got hurt on your property.
Might not know much about your HOA or whatever. However, if possible, I would put up some sort of fence or gate to make it somewhat more difficult to get in and out despite its usage.” Emmyisnotokay
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Yes, the boy can read.
But his mom told you that they used the access “all the time.” So she SHOWED HIM that the sign was not to be taken seriously, and what your parents DO trumps anything some neighbor puts on a sign. So both parents are belligerent because you corrected their son, basically shaming the whole family.
Calling people rude, or a “jerk”, is what people do when they know they were wrong on the facts and want to shift the discussion to your attitude.” 1962Michael
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You have the right to want people off your property but there were 300 other ways to handle it more gracefully.
You were very harsh to a boy who maybe was just distracted and didn’t put 1+1 together while he was jogging. Plus, there’s a power imbalance, he is a kid so he sees you as an authority figure. The way you’re telling this story, sounds like the kid had already acknowledged what you said and you kept doubling down.
These are your neighbors. You’ll keep seeing these people every day until one of you moves out. Sometimes you have to cut some slack if you want to be on good terms with people who can help you or make your life very uncomfortable.” any_osh
5. AITJ For Not Sharing My Special Recipe With My Nephew's Aunt?
“My (24f) sister is married to BIL and they have my nephew Sam (7). BIL has a sister Eve (25f). We all live in the same city. Eve and I used to babysit Sam roughly once a month.
My sister and BIL were in a car accident a month ago and are recovering.
The family stepped in to help with what we could, and Eve and I offered to look after Sam in alternative weeks. It’s been a little over 3 weeks now, with Sam currently staying with Eve.
I live with my partner Paul who’s a good cook.
He doesn’t work in the food industry but he likes tinkering around the kitchen. I myself am an OK cook and sometimes Paul and I work on new recipes or perfecting older ones together. We talked about putting together a cookbook or maybe starting a cooking channel on social media, but we’re both too busy at the moment.
Sam is a big fan of our kid-friendly dishes. He and Paul get along great and they are both sad Paul is in another country for work while Sam is under my care. I made sure to make him all his favorites while he was with me.
A few hours ago Eve called me, saying Sam refused to eat the vegetables she made. When she told him he had to eat his greens, Sam said he wanted my spinach bacon soup or no veggies.
Eve then called to ask me for my recipe.
That soup, however, was one I created the recipe with Paul and I don’t want to share. I told Eve I would make the soup and drop them at her place the day after tomorrow. I told her Sam is good with fruit, so if he doesn’t eat the vegetables he can have extra servings of fruit in the meantime.
Eve said I was being ridiculous and selfish. And dropping the soup two days later means Sam won’t get to eat vegetables till then. I just don’t want to share our recipe which may be used commercially later. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
You’re giving it to your nephew’s aunt not posting it on social media. It’s not like you’re releasing it to the world. Also, giving it to her would be a good test to see how someone who eventually buys your cookbook would do with the recipe.
It’s really a jerk move because you don’t even know if this is going to end up in a cookbook and if it’s going to be in this current state. You don’t know if it’s going to end up in a cookbook at all. You’re denying her and your nephew simply on the off chance that this exact recipe may one day end up in a cookbook.” keesouth
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. A kid struggling with change and upheaval. He’s missing his uncle. That soup is a comfort for a kid in a really difficult situation. If you’re not monetizing it now, you won’t. If you’re that worried about copyright, get a WordPress blog and start uploading things so it’s dated. Talk to a lawyer, something!
But right now you’re making a kid wait days to eat food he wants because you might make money in the future? Whew. Also, maybe have your partner call the kid and tell him how good simple one-pan roasted veggies are, if you think veggie eating might be a struggle.” yoBendy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because it’s your decision whether to share the recipe and a couple of days without vegetables is not going to harm Sam. Plus, is the plan for him to eat spinach-bacon soup every day indefinitely? Eve is going to have to figure something else out at some point.
Can y’all ask the parents what veggies/preparation Sam eats at home? I mean as Eve I would be giving you a hard eye roll from the other end of the phone because Eve is also stepping up to help care for Sam during this rough period and having the recipe would help her (and Sam).
But I get that you want to keep the recipe confidential. Plus, if you pass this one along, the next thing you know she’ll be asking for another recipe for Sam, and where does it end.” fungibleprofessional
4. AITJ For Telling My Son I Knew He Was Gay When He Came Out?
“My son revealed that he’s gay yesterday on his birthday. After he came out, I told him that I already knew. I mentioned a few key moments that gave it away and said that I love him and always will. However, he seems to be hurt and said that coming out caused him anxiety and that I should have told him that I knew he was gay.
Am I doing something wrong? Perhaps I could be the jerk for being cold in my response by saying I knew he was gay? How should I have handled this? As a single father, I should have recognized the signs and tread water lightly. I’m not sure.
What are your thoughts on the situation??”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think I would have simply said that you didn’t say anything because it’s not your place. What if you had been wrong, imagine that awkward conversation. You thought it better to let him tell you when he was ready.
Then apologize to him if that was the wrong approach and reiterate your total support. And if that wasn’t enough, maybe something else is going on here.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“This was a big thing for him, he said he had anxiety about it, so he’s probably been working up to this for a while and gone through all different scenarios in his head.
And your response of yeah, I know, probably felt like a bit of an anti-climax. He’s worked himself up for something that actually wasn’t a big deal. Maybe just let him know you didn’t say anything because it wasn’t your place, and you didn’t want to assume anything or pressure him.
You knew he’d say something when he was ready. You love and support him.” Local_Gazelle538
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Kids are hard. With my stepdaughter, we had, as you said, clues. But clues are not a rock-solid certainty. If you had brought it up and asked, and he wasn’t gay… It’s a bit of a no-win.
He also seems to have been looking for you to be outraged so he could be hurt. You weren’t outraged but it seems like he’s still trying to make you the bad guy. Just be there for him, ask him a few questions, he’s looking for some acknowledgment from you that if being gay makes life rough for him you are going to support him.” becoming_maxine
3. AITJ For Taking The Car From My Brother When He Wasn't Ready Yet?
“For context, I got my license a few months ago. Since then, my brother and I have been sharing my dad’s old car. It’s supposed to be for us to share but because my brother has had it for some years, he treats it like it’s only his.
Today at lunch, we were talking about our exams. I have an exam in a couple of days and I mentioned I was taking the car to a study hall. He only said, “No you’re not”. I asked why and he only said he needed it because he was going to a library.
When I argued the library is only a 10-minute walk from home whilst the study hall is about 20, he argued back saying that he was ready to leave whilst I still had to get ready.
Well, when I got ready to leave he was still in his room getting ready, so I thought forget it and took the car.
Now he’s mad at me saying I ruined his study session and that he lost about 30 minutes of studying.
I’m now feeling kinda like a jerk for this. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. If you two are old enough to drive you’re old enough to make a plan who’s getting the car.
Also assuming you two are able-bodied both of you could have left the car parked and walked the distance. I have a car and walk every day 20/25 min to work because why should I spend fuel for that bit of a distance?!” DehyasGirl
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. You need a sharing and booking system, there is probably an app for it but a basic shared calendar should work. You’re having arguments and being unpleasant for no reason. If you both want it at the same time then you work something out.
If one is clearly more important, they get the car, otherwise, you drop off and pick up the other and do a bit of walking or get a ride from someone else. All you have to do is have a conversation, and actually plan who is using the car.” AdGroundbreaking4397
Another User Comments:
“I know you are getting a lot of e-s-h judgments. Technically that is accurate. But I also think, given your brother’s attitude about the car, I don’t think you were much of a jerk. Yes, the two of you need to work something out; but if he’s not willing, then it might take a bit of a shock to get him to see the value of col-la-bo-ra-ting.
It’s probably a very new concept for your brother. Funny thing, AITJ is usually pretty understanding when someone gets pushed to take a strong measure against a person who keeps doing whatever they feel like without caring at all how it impacts anyone else. I will say that the exercise of (1) making it in your brother’s interest to work something out with you and (2) coming up with an approach you can both agree on will give you a master’s degree in several skills that will serve you well in life.
Good luck with this challenging task!” swillshop
2. AITJ For Refusing To Validate My Wife's Irrational Fear Of My Driving?
“My wife and I have been together for over ten years, and when we’re driving together and I’m behind the wheel, sometimes she will shout, “Slow down!” out of nowhere, and then say, “Why are you driving so fast?” in a critical tone, as if the way I’m driving is obviously unsafe.
Usually, I bite my tongue and slow down to placate her, but the thing is, the way I drive is not unsafe (driving since ’97, never got a ticket or in an accident).
My wife is generally a good driver, but much less experienced than me in snow and on gravel roads, and by her own admission she has some lingering driving-related trauma.
Yesterday she came home and told me that her car was making a rattling noise when she drove over bumps. We got into the car and I started driving down our driveway, which has plenty of bumps to hit (it’s gravel and long), and I was driving slightly faster than usual to hit them hard to try to produce the sound she was talking about.
Suddenly, my wife yelled, “Slow down! Why are you driving so fast?”
I glanced at the speedometer and laughed, didn’t slow down, shook my head, and said something like, “Are you serious? What are you afraid of?”
Her response was, “I’m afraid we’ll skid out and go flying off a cliff!”
Since that was physically impossible – we were going 25 km/h (15.5 mph) and there was no cliff in sight (let me remind you we were on our DRIVEWAY – the same one we have been driving up and down for the past five years), I think I laughed and said words to the effect that she was being irrational. Predictably, she got mad at me for not “validating her feelings,” and I told her I wasn’t going to validate her irrational fear.
She didn’t ask me to let her out, so I kept driving and we survived the trip from the house to the road. Then we drove around for a while, listening to the car before going home, where my wife sulked for the rest of the evening.
We argue very rarely, but today the driving thing came up. Again, I refused to validate her irrational fear. We both got as worked up as we ever do – we’re pretty calm people, but voices were raised. I told her how it annoys me when she yells at me to slow down, that it’s insulting, that her fear is like being afraid of monsters under the bed, and that maybe she needs therapy to get over it.
She said I’m the one with the problem because I get annoyed when she yells at me in the car, and maybe I need therapy to work on ways to not be annoyed by it, and that I should simply do what she says in order to validate her feelings, “the way you do for someone you love.”
Eventually, we decided to end the discussion for the night because it wasn’t going anywhere positive.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, shouting at you out of the blue while you are driving is an actual danger. Not to mention, getting yelled at is not an “annoyance” that you have to get over, it’s her badly treating the person she supposedly loves.
It’s very telling that she demands that you get therapy into tolerating her issues instead of, you know, her solving her issues. You don’t have to learn to live with shouting and hissy fits, she has to stop doing that and learn to communicate as a proper adult.
Particularly when she could cause an accident, which she should want to avoid since you are driving SO fast.” SneakyRaid
Another User Comments:
“My hubs is 67 & has never learned to drive or wanted to. He’s been in a couple of minor accidents as a passenger with work colleagues & hates roundabouts.
He has a habit of shouting Look Out, if he sees a bike ahead, or a herd of deer in a field. I’ve told him to STFU as it startles me & could cause an accident. At his age, he’s not going to change, though I maliciously took him to Milton Keynes lol, which for those who don’t know, has a roundabout at every junction.” Whole-Sundae-98
Another User Comments:
“INFO when she yells at you to slow down are you going above the speed limit? Yelling at the driver is almost never okay. (I’ve yelled at my mom before to stop when she was about to hit a pedestrian, which turned out to be a good thing because she hadn’t seen her.
But it’s only okay in cases like that and not as a habit). It definitely sounds like she has irrational fears, but I also wonder if you’re maybe also going a bit too fast as well? I’m inclined towards NTJ, but depending on your answer it could be ESH as well.” _Brightstar
1. AITJ For Choosing My In-Laws Over My Parents As My Daughter's Godparents?
“I (27F) have been married to my husband (36M) for 2 years and we have been together for a total of 5 years. My husband has 2 daughters from his previous marriage and 3 months ago I gave birth to our first child together. When my husband and I first got together, his daughters were very young and I have been pretty much fully involved in their upbringing ever since we got together.
Their mother isn’t around so they pretty much view me as their mom and I absolutely view them as my own. We have always been a happy family together from the start.
My parents on the other hand weren’t as supportive of my close relationship with my daughters.
They always told me that it isn’t my job “to play mommy” to children who aren’t biologically mine. This definitely created a wedge between us because no matter how many times I told them how important they are to my life, they still refused to accept that which I guess they have a right to.
My in-laws on the other hand have been supportive of my close relationships with my daughters since day one and they truly make me feel part of the family regardless of whether the children are mine biologically. About a year after my husband and I got married, I brought up the idea of me legally adopting our daughters so that in the extreme case of something happening to my husband, I would be able to continue taking care of them without having to go through legal troubles.
And again my parents were extremely against that idea regardless of my husband and I being married and me pretty much being involved in the girls’ lives.
3 months ago my husband and I had our first daughter together and in our town it’s a tradition to choose godparents for a newborn even though we aren’t really religious.
My husband and I both agreed that it would be best for his parents to become our daughter’s godparents since they have been supportive of our family since the start. When my parents found out we weren’t choosing them as godparents, they got upset with us because they felt like they should have been the godparents to their first grandchild.
But since they never were supportive of our family I didn’t feel like they deserved to demand anything like this.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“So, when you were 22 years old, you met a man nearly a decade older than you that got you taking care of his kids as soon as you started seeing each other and are wondering why your parents were suspicious from the start?
I’d give your parents a bit of grace on this one if they are overall good parents as I would be concerned for my daughter if I were in their shoes and hope you would be as well for yours. Overall we have no idea how your marriage actually is, but as a parent, I get why they would be suspicious.
And of course your in-laws would be happy there is someone raising their grandchildren, there is no great virtue on this part. Not sure about your customs, but did you not choose your parents to spite them? It’s a no jerks here or potentially ESH, not enough details.
You would have been the jerk in my books if you wanted to spite your parents instead of choosing what would have been best for your child.” Pianist_585
Another User Comments:
“I mean, I can kind of see parents being worried their 22-year-old daughter is being drafted into playing mom by a man a decade older.
When your kids are teenagers/coeds you might see why they were concerned. That said, it’s done. You haven’t said if they’ve come around to the relationship now. I understand wanting to make sure the kids will be treated equally and kept together.
Maybe it’s worth it to have conversations with them about what their concerns were back then. And your concerns about equal treatment now.” obiwantogooutside
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Family is not about genetics, it’s about who loves you and who you love in return.
You’ve made it clear that these girls are your children, something your parents have rejected. Their prerogative. However, it is your prerogative to choose the godparents of your new child, and it’s natural for you to want to choose people who support you and your family.
Your entire family. Basically, your parents made a choice when you got into this relationship and now they have to live with the consequences of that decision. After all, no one has a right to be anyone’s godparent.” bamf1701
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wouldn't let me wear black eyeliners and red lipsticks until I was 16. I wore brown or colored eyeliners from 13 to 16. I remember some people thinking I was too young to wear them. Stand your ground, Mama. Your mother should not even think to groom your own daughter. NTJ