People Want To Find Out If They're Really The Jerks In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
20. AITJ For Removing My Engagement Ring?
“My significant other and I have been together for on and off 10 years. There is a lot of back story that leads up to this. But the past 5 years have been lots of heartache. I left him 2 years ago bc he fell into old habits and things got bad.
Physically, mentally and emotionally. But 6 months later we got back together after a long discussion and lots of promises. Things were good and he proposed and I said yes. Then it started getting bad again just without the physical part.
He is very self-centered and if the attention isn’t on him he’s not happy. And if he’s not happy no one is.
My mental health has been struggling lately and he hasn’t been helping. Constantly complaining and making me feel like I’m not enough and I’ll never be first in his life and my feelings don’t matter.
We got into a fight and I took my ring off and told him that when and if I ever become first and my feelings start to matter and I start to become happy again I’d put it on. He said if I didn’t put it back on then he’s not gonna be happy and if he’s not happy he can’t make me happy.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sometimes it’s hard to let go of people and we end up in these on-and-off cycles for years. I’ve been there, you’re not the jerk. If you’re going to be together, you’re partners and need to be equal and one’s happiness can not take precedence over another.
Maybe consider some couples counseling if you two really want to be together, if not this cycle shouldn’t keep draining the both of you, least of all you. NTJ.” yolovelamp
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but if I were you, I’d leave the ring off and give it back to him.
You’ve already put ten years into this relationship and it sounds impossibly hard. Do you really want to live like this for the rest of your life?
I’d also think about therapy if I were you, to see if there are underlying reasons that you put up with this for so long.” Arbor_Arabicae
Another User Comments:
“First, please don’t marry this guy. You deserve better than he can give anyone. Second, please realize that only you can make yourself happy. Others can contribute to your happiness, and others (like him) can take away from it.
Just because something is familiar doesn’t mean it’s right for you. There’s a song that says sometimes love just ain’t enough, and that is the absolute truth. He will always make you feel like this because he has a history of making you feel like this.
If you’re not in therapy, that might help as well. Good luck.” flutterby727
19. AITJ For Telling My Partner I Don't Appreciate The Way He Talks To Me?
“My significant other (long distance right now) of 14 months and I just got into a disagreement via text. I tell him about things that happen to me throughout my day and he’s never minded. I said that I almost got hit while driving and I was gonna draw a pic to explain.
He said, ‘I’m good, you’re gonna do it anyway tho’.
I thought he was messing around here. I should’ve clarified with him though. I thought he was thinking ‘aw here she goes again on another rant about what happened this time’ in a joking way, as that has happened. I said ‘yes’ and sent my drawing.
I started explaining what things in my drawing meant, and anytime I’d talk he’d reply ‘ok’.
He then asked if I was done yet, to which I said ‘no’.
I still thought he was messing around.
He told me to be done then.
I hadn’t explained any details of what happened.
I explained another detail to which he said ‘I said I’m good, can you read or what?’
At this point I was like, oh God, he’s not joking.
I immediately said I was sorry and said nevermind on the story.
He said ‘Jesus, why would I want to hear in detail about you potentially getting hit by a truck shut the heck up Op. My god. Just say you got hit and that you’re safe. Leave it at that.’
That really upset me being told to ‘shut the heck up.’ I was in shock that he said that, because he’s never said anything like that before, then I just said ‘okay’. I didn’t know what else to say, and he gave a thumbs up.
We had some small talk then.
Soon I calmed down out of my ‘shock’ and went to tell him that what he said hurt me. I told him why I was upset and that I get that I shouldn’t have gone on with my story.
He said he didn’t care and that I didn’t listen to him when he said to stop.
He said ‘Are you serious? What’s your problem?’ I was told to think for a second, and he recapped the things he said and how I replied ‘yes’ to one thing, then said ‘So I know for a fact that you were understanding what I was saying.’
I told him what I thought was happening like the playful ‘here she goes again’. He said that was fair. I said that I knew I was wrong for continuing and said sorry. I said I don’t wanna be told to shut up though.
He said ‘It’s about what you want, got it? I said that because I had enough, maybe if you had given any thought to anything I said you wouldn’t have been talked to that way.’
I apologized again and said I just didn’t want to be told to shut up again.
Then he said: ‘Don’t tell me what to do. You should’ve thought about that earlier. You didn’t listen so I told you to be quiet and in a not nice way and I don’t owe you an apology for that.
So don’t come here making requests/demands it’s not fair to expect me to listen when you couldn’t either. That’s why I said it that way. I don’t need to explain any further. You think I wanted to say it that way?
No.’
I haven’t closed the messages app or responded. I am just unsure of what to say.
AITJ for telling him to not talk to me that way?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I think you should stop apologizing this much when he doesn’t even give 1 apology to you after being rude.
He can have a bad day, you might be doing this every time but that doesn’t give him the right to say shut up to his SO. The rest of the talk and him not caring what you want to tell him is also so rude, and inconsiderate.
The whole conversation is terrible not just the shut up part… you deserve better.” No_Medium_7205
Another User Comments:
“NTJ babe… my god… dump him…. like I’m sorry I don’t care what kinda day or week or even month you are having you never talk to your partner that way and then when they say it hurts them to respond with ‘don’t tell me what to do’ like it was a very aggressive tone for no reason and you have no idea if that will escalate or not…
I seriously think you should re-evaluate this relationship.” Regular-Cheek9819
Another User Comments:
“It’s the most normal, ordinary thing there is to share stuff from your day with your person. That kind of daily interaction is one of the great parts of being in a relationship!
If your person tunes you out or rudely shuts you down like this guy did to you, they might not actually be your person. It really is that simple. Dump him over the side of the boat and sail on.
Truly NTJ.” Professional_Ad9013
18. AITJ For Not Allowing My Friend To Buy My House?
“My (f39) friend ‘B’ (f40) and I have known each other off and on for 20 years but became very good friends 5 years ago when I joined the same career field.
Although we are in the same field our jobs are very different and we tell each other stories and she has always expressed wanting to work at my place of employment.
I have always encouraged her to try it and let her know there is a sign-on bonus if I refer someone and to please put my name down. I am in good standing with my employer, knowing someone would only help.
This has been going on for almost the entire 3 years I’ve worked there.
A year ago I started to express a desire to sell my house and she is in the market to buy. The market sucks right now for buyers and she is feeling pretty desperate.
She keeps hinting that she wishes to buy my house and if I will cut her a break, not being clear what that means. She asked for a heads up on if I’m officially listing and a private sale, etc…
Basically to sell to her.
We hung out last weekend and she was prepping for a job interview where I work. I asked her if she put my name down for a referral and she said no, ‘she forgot.’ (Even though I always tell her to when I suggest she apply.) I asked her to please bring it up in her interview and helped her prepare by asking her questions and offering suggestions as someone who does the job she’s applying for.
Anyway, I followed up with her after the interview to see how it went and to see if she told them my name for a referral. She said the interview went well but she didn’t give my name as she was nervous.
I’m pretty annoyed, it would have been $7500 in my pocket (she’s getting a 20k sign which wouldn’t be impacted by my referral.) I told her it’s a shame she forgot because now they definitely won’t give it to me since she didn’t say so upfront because I would have taken that into consideration with the sale of my house.
Basically now she’s treating me like a jerk… AITJ?
Edit: To make it clear, she isn’t speaking to me.”
Another User Comments:
“These are two separate issues. You shouldn’t be haggling over referral bonuses in the same context as housing.
You should only refer her if you think she’ll be a good employee. She should list your name for the referral, no matter what, because you referred her, and that’s simple honestly. Sell your house for market value. Don’t offer someone a referral so you can make your house sale more profitable; that’s dishonest to your employer.
It sounds like you thought she’d be a good employee, so you’re probably in the right for referring her, so NTJ. She has no right to a discounted house price from you, and she wouldn’t be entitled to it EVEN IF she had listed you for the referral. She owed you the referral credit because… you referred her.
This isn’t some quid pro quo scam. You referred her. She should say that. Honesty.” wombatIsAngry
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This feels like an intentional slight. Not sure what her end game would be, but there’s no way she forgot that you worked there.
Most normal people will seek out acquaintances and ask permission to use them as a reference because it benefits both the applicant to have an endorsement from a current employee and the employee who may get a referral bonus. She didn’t have to seek anyone out, she knew you worked there and you ASKED HER to mention it.
There are about a million ways to easily work that into most interviews. Not only would I not sell her the house at any sort of discount, but I would also tell her she can pay full price PLUS an additional $7500 for the referral bonus she screwed you out of.” Numerous-Tie-9677
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I hate to tell you this but this person isn’t your ‘friend’ they are a business acquaintance.
They cost you a referral bonus even though you actively helped them in applying to your business and preparing for their interview.
They expect you to sell your home to them for an unspecified lesser price than you’d likely get on the open market.
It’s absolutely fair to say you are no longer willing to consider selling your home privately to them when they cost you the signing bonus.
It sounds like selling privately would have been a bad idea before, but now it seems like an even worse one.” KkSquish17
17. WIBTJ If I Adopt My Friend's Cat?
“My friend, let’s call them J, has been on a downward spiral the past couple of years.
Before the spiral, we lived together in college with a bunch of our other best friends and life was ideal. In 2020, we all adopted a cat together.
We adopted it under J’s name because they agreed they could take the cat after college (or at least convince their mom to).
In the next year or so J developed a severe substance abuse issue. They wouldn’t eat or sleep for days and would go on long rambling rants about whatever.
They would get really paranoid about things. It got really bad a couple of times and they had a few temporary psychosis episodes where we had to take them to the hospital. J got a diagnosis and treatment for mental health issues but still abused substances and refused to accept that it was making the other mental health issues they were experiencing even worse.
They went back home to live with their mom for a while, got kicked out for their addiction, and went to live with another friend.
During this time I was the primary caregiver of the cat. Bought all the food, took her to the vet, etc. She followed me everywhere around the house; the cat thinks she was my cat.
J comes back to school the next year, seemingly a lot better but still using substances every day. Of course, things deteriorate again. I end up finding a job in another city so I move and ask about taking the cat.
J is very adamant and aggressive that it’s ‘my cat, not yours!’, so I don’t take her with me.
Things have gotten substantially worse since I left, J is now kicked out of school, kicked out of the house, and in jail for various harassment charges.
They’ve alienated their friends and a lot of family. The cat was automatically brought to the shelter when this happened (as J was living on their own at this point). The cat is on hold for a few days, then will be released for adoption after that period.
My friends who live up there told me I should come get the cat and secretly bring her back with me because J is unfit to own an animal and J would be very aggressive if they knew I had the cat.
I agree but I also feel a little guilty ‘stealing’ their cat because their life really sucks right now. BUT all their friends and family have tried to help them and they refuse to take it.
If I didn’t adopt her, I guess J’s mom or sister would take her and J would get the cat back after jail or after rehab (if they manage to convince J to go).
J’s mom and sister don’t know about how I’m trying to adopt the cat. We’re not sure if they would agree with us or alert J to this.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Since you’ve already bonded with the cat, you adopting it would be best for it.
Your friend has more important things to worry about than who has the cat. I would explain the situation to the animal shelter. They may be able to let you directly adopt the cat since you have an established relationship with it.” kavk27
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but contact the shelter immediately and let them know the history of you with the cat and let them know to expect your application as soon as it’s available.” Altruistic_Sun_8085
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
The cat will be available for public adoption. You’re a member of the public. Adopt the cat and never tell J or he’ll cause all kinds of ruckus demanding it back.” LissaBryan
16. AITJ If I Accepted A Job Offer At My Ex's Company?
“I’m F25 and my ex is M27, we were together for almost 5 years and I cut it off with him in February 2021. The break-up was rough but we have still been in contact ever since, however, we have studied the same subject and are gonna have the exact same title when I graduate from uni.
So right now I’m trying to find a job, it is fairly easy to find a job however I have been trying to seek jobs outside of my country’s borders as I really want to experience living in another country.
But there are some cons to that since the salary is not as high and is kinda worrying me a little bit, also it seems like it is tougher to get a job outside the borders.
So fast forward I get contacted by the same company my ex works for, it is a company with 6.500 employees worldwide, and it is known for being kinda aggressive with its recruiting techniques, however, I agreed to go to an interview and I got an offer.
I told my ex this and he got disappointed in me since he hoped I would have accepted his wish about me not working for the same company as him. I was of course understanding of this and I told him it’s not really my number one pick.
But now after a lot of research and other job interviews, I feel like this would be a good fit for me, as they can get me abroad kinda quick compared to other companies and I would get paid a nice amount.
I asked my ex again if he would be really uncomfortable if I took the job and he said yes. Granted I will move cities, be at a different office, different location and I won’t be on the same project as him.
I just see this as a good opportunity for me as it is the kind of work I wanted to be doing and they are willing to send me abroad within months. (Also these months will still be in a different location than him).
I do still feel kinda bad for really considering it, I just don’t see the problem when it’s not even the same office or project… so AITJ for strongly considering taking this job?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you are not working at the same location or on the same project then there is literally no reason for you to not work there if you want to.
I think it really comes down to intent. Do you want to work there because it pays well and as you mentioned will let you move abroad quicker or to annoy your ex? If it is for your own purpose then I see no reason why you shouldn’t accept the position.
Even if you are working at the same location, as long as you do not have to work together (like on the same project), I would still say NTJ.” onionhead360
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I don’t know why you felt you needed to ask him if it would make him uncomfortable, but since you did, he had every right to answer honestly.
However, the job is a good fit, you won’t be in the same office or on the same projects, so don’t worry about him and take the job.” RatDogPack
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Personal life and work life should be kept separate.
Your ex can feel uncomfortable all he wants, but the one thing he should not do is stop you from landing a job that you want just because he’s uncomfortable. If he really feels that uncomfortable then he can leave the company.” Shockjckh
15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Move Back Into My Grandparents' House?
“I (23F) used to live with my grandparents (76M & 75F) during my first two years of college. I was married, then divorced, and now live in an apartment that they own. They told me the other day that they wanted to sell both the apartments that they own which sucks but I get it.
Property taxes, insurance, maintenance, awful tenants, etc. Owning property is hard. The problem is they want me to live with them again which I am slightly against.
On one hand, I would barely have to pay rent, I get to spend time with them (I love them very much) and my dog gets to have 3 acres to free roam.
On the other hand, they did and still do drive me nuts with how overbearing they can be. I have a job, pay my bills on time, clean regularly, have nice, normal hobbies, have a degree, am starting a second this fall, not really a partier or social person, etc., etc. but it’s like it’s not enough for them.
A few examples:
My grandmother gave me a dresser that is nice but could look better so I made the decision to sand and refinish it. Took me a while to get to it because of work, social life, whatever so I left it on the porch where they put it for a few days and only took it inside because I knew it’d rain.
No point in taking it in and out and putting it together if I’m still working on it. My grandparents called or texted me every day asking about the dresser, saying it looks trashy outside and that I never take care of anything.
They have keys to my apartment and have frequently just showed up unannounced while I’m at work and will text me and tell me how nasty and dirty the apartment is and how they don’t want roaches.
Sometimes when I lived with them I’d come home late after hanging out with friends and the next morning they’d give me a lecture on how I shouldn’t be hanging out with ‘addicts’ and coming home at 12-3 am.
I will also get a lecture on how addiction and heavy drinking run in our family which I am aware of and is partly why I don’t do illegal stuff or drink when I’m feeling heavy emotions.
I’ve talked to my dad, aunt, and mother about this but they said I should just be grateful I even have grandparents that are letting me live with them and that’s just how they are.
They also say that one day they’ll be dead and I’ll wish I’d gotten up at 8 am before my 10-hour waitressing shift to mow their 3-acre lawn with grandma and grandpa. I agree, it’s definitely not the worst situation I could be in and I am privileged to still have a helpful family but at the same time, I feel like they don’t have boundaries.
Why am I the one that’s supposed to constantly bend to their will, especially when I do what I’m supposed to do 95% of the time? I feel like I should just move out into an apartment that they don’t own but everyone says I’m being dramatic and ungrateful.
AITJ? Should I just******* up?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Find a new place to live and under no circumstances give them your spare key. Then let them both know that you’re moving out on x date and the apartment will be clean and empty for them to sell.
Then when they ask what date you’re moving in with them, just calmly and firmly let them know that you like your independence and that living by yourself in a place of your own is fine, that way you don’t need to ruin your relationship by living under the same roof.” G8RTOAD
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, just tell them you would have a better relationship with them if you did not live with them and simply visited them very regularly. That you will likely work late hours and do not want to disturb them or cause them to worry.
Honestly better for everyone for you to live elsewhere.” Xtraordinari3008
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your life, do what you want. You’re under no obligation to stay with them. Just politely tell them thanks for the offer but you wish to stay by yourself.” tformerfan
14. AITJ For Asking My Friend To Pay What He Owes Me?
“My friend and I have known each other for a while, almost a year, and over that time I’ve bought him things and spent a lot on him.
He always says he’ll pay me back so I just wait. I know he isn’t very financially stable since we are both in high school but he makes around 20 dollars a week from his parents.
My birthday was way a while ago and he, my SO, and I went to the mall.
He only had 20 dollars and I had 200 (my birthday present from my mom) and he asked for things telling me like always that he’d pay me back. I have a debit card and I can see the money being spent on different things.
During me buying him stuff he’d lie about the prices of certain things to be cheaper. Once he had left I check my card app and I only have 86 dollars! I was floored because I thought he only spent 30 at best. It’s important to note that he has never once paid me back for anything that I’ve bought him.
The next day I texted him asking for the money that he owed. No response. I checked all of the things he’d bought over the time I’ve known him and talked with a mutual friend about the amount of money spent which was over 200 since the time I’ve known him.
He started ignoring me at school and didn’t respond to any of my texts. So I texted him this:
‘I realize that it sounds like I have a problem with the amount I’ve spent on you and I’m not going to talk with you till you give me the money back but I’m not really asking for that I don’t care about the money.
I have enough but the problem here is that I feel like you’re taking advantage of me and the things I give/do for you. I don’t mean to sound selfish but I’ve spent and done a lot for you and I feel like I’m not being recognized for that.’
I knew he didn’t have the money so I didn’t want him to pay me back if he couldn’t I just wanted him to address and apologize for what he did to me. He exploded on me. Told me that he didn’t have the money and that I was being compulsive and rude to him.
After he said that he told me ‘we’re not friends anymore.’ I felt completely used and I was absolutely annoyed.
Now what I did next makes me feel like I messed up and that I’m a jerk but I sent him the amount he needed to pay me back and told him that I wanted my money back.
He said ok and stopped talking. All of my friends are upset saying he doesn’t have the money but I feel like he was just using me and the money wasn’t the issue it was how he was treating me like I was his ATM.
I’m really conflicted and I feel like the jerk. So, am I?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I see that you’re both young, I would take this as an early learning lesson that once you’ve loaned someone once, I don’t care if it’s for a pack of gum, you never loan them more till they paid you back the first time.
Don’t speak to him anymore, I hate saying this but if you ever do loan funds again, loan it under the expectation that you’ll never get it back, which pretty much means don’t loan out something you might have to rely on later, and you might not have enough to cover a rainy day, flat tire, sudden vet bill, etc.
I watched a lot of Judge Judy at your age, she has a lot of great life lessons and things you shouldn’t do for friends/family, I recommend watching a clip or two of her every now and then, it’s very informative, and she’s very unforgiving.” DreadfulSunflower
Another User Comments:
“Are you one of these people that slam their head against the wall, complain that it hurts, then continue to slam their head against the wall, over and over, each time complaining that it hurts?
You know that your ‘friend’ has financial issues.
You know that he never pays you back. So why do you continue to give him money? Of course, he never pays you back, because you keep giving him money.
For that, I’m going to have to say YTJ since you got yourself into this mess.
You can demand the money back, but he has no reason to repay you. He’s used you as his personal ATM, got all he could out of you, and now discarded you. Unless you’re willing to take him to small claims court, I don’t see how you are going to force him to repay you.
It’s probably best to consider this an expensive lesson.” Windermyr
Another User Comments:
“It’s not selfish to spend your birthday money on yourself. It’s not selfish to expect people to pay you back, especially when that’s what they promised.
You have learned an expensive lesson: don’t lend money to people who haven’t paid you back from previous loans.
NTJ.” SomethingClever70
13. AITJ For Calling Out My Partner's Awful Treatment Of Me?
“I (25f) just moved in with my significant other (24m) recently. I love him and generally, he’s okay (not perfect of course, no one is, myself included).
But today he did the thing again. He is such a yes man and the second a friend of his asks him to hang out, go to the bar, go on this trip, or whatever he always says yes without hesitation.
Without stopping to consider if we have plans.
I’ve pointed it out and said something before but today I went off on him. I got home from work and he was planning on going to the gym and I was getting ready to clean around the house.
He usually naps or relaxes before he leaves for a workout. While we were chilling he brought up that one of my favorite restaurants sounded good to him for dinner. I normally don’t eat out during the week but when I say I’m addicted to this particular restaurant believe me.
And he knows it. Anyway. I told him he knows I can’t resist so we talked about getting that for dinner and watching the finale of Daredevil after he got back from the gym. Cool.
While he’s getting ready for the gym and about to leave his phone rings.
It’s a friend of his. Friend asks him to hang out tonight. My SO agrees immediately and hangs up. I asked, ‘who was that?’ He said it was his friend. ‘I’m gonna go over to his after the gym.’ I said what about our plans???
He goes ‘sorry I didn’t think you would care and I don’t see this friend often.’
I went off. Told him he does this regularly. He drops plans with me or doesn’t even think to check if he has plans with me (since he seems to forget so much).
I told him he is a jerk and inconsiderate and rude. To make plans in front of me like I don’t exist and like we didn’t just make plans. He could have at least talked to me before saying yes to his friend.
I would have been a bit disappointed but I just feel like I’m secondary.
He apologized but made me feel guilty by saying ‘do you want me to not hang out with him?’ (It was an honest tone but still a trashy way to word it, in my opinion.)
I told him to leave and he did. I feel kind of like a jerk now and like I got too mad so I’m not sure. As a note, I’m a big believer that we should have our own friends and hang out with them so I’m not stopping him from hanging out with friends I’m just sick of him dropping plans with me for his friends.
Update to add: He called me last night while leaving the gym to tell me he was on his way to his friend’s and would be back later. I didn’t even know what to say. He asked what I was doing for dinner and I told him nothing (when I get upset I don’t eat.
It’s not healthy I know. I’m working on it.). He said he was sorry but I told him if he was actually sorry he could have called his friend back any second since he originally hung up and saw my face and would have stuck with our plans or talked to me about it instead of just going through with it.
I slept in the spare room. He came home after midnight, was tipsy/wasted, and was loud. He came in and asked why I was in the spare room and asked if I want him to sleep with me in there.
I told him no and ‘yelled’ at him for waking me up and being loud. (Didn’t actually yell – just told him with an attitude.)
After I leave for work this morning he sends me a text asking why I didn’t say good morning/goodbye like I normally do.
I sent him a long message about how I need time to think because he’s made it clear he doesn’t value me, my time, or our time together. He has not responded and I don’t know if this is going to be the end of our relationship or not.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
He didn’t think you would care about him breaking plans right in front of you so that he could spend time with someone else? No. Just no. Anyone who does this to you on a regular basis is not showing you the love and respect you deserve.
Right now, he’s setting the tone for how things are in this relationship. You do NOT have to put up with his rude, disrespectful, and appalling behavior. You have the right to put yourself first. You deserve better than to be reduced to someone insignificant just because he thinks he can drop you for other people and plans.” SupergirlKrypton
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. It sounds like you want a boundary here, but don’t have one actually set. He should know based on past conversations, but you should have talked to him instead of exploding. You letting him leave anyways seems like it goes hand in hand with why he thinks it’s okay.
Your actions speak louder than words when setting a boundary.” Eastern_Amphibian385
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Regardless of whether it’s hard for him to say no to other people, other than you, or not, what he’s doing is showing you that doing anything with you is less valuable and less important and less interesting than doing any old thing with anybody else.
Even if it’s unintentional, he is devaluing you. He is showing you that you aren’t worth much. Don’t listen to his words. Pay attention to his actions and that’s how you know what he thinks and feels about you.” mcclgwe
12. AITJ For Not Allowing My Sister To Visit My Son?
“My ex-wife (31f) and I (29M) were separated for a year and a half.
As in I moved into my own apartment, we were no longer a couple. She wanted to reconcile but that wasn’t going to happen. The reason we didn’t divorce right away was because it would’ve been too expensive plus a whole headache to deal with since she was very against it.
My partner at the time was just a temp at my work but we started seeing each other. We fell hard for each other then 9 months after we found out she was pregnant and that’s when I decided to go ahead and file for divorce to be completely cut off from her so I can focus on my family no matter how much it was gonna cost. My ex started this whole campaign around that time, since my partner was pregnant she created the narrative that I had an affair and left her for ‘the other woman.’
My parents didn’t believe her because obviously they already knew I was living on my own. My sister was the only one who believed her because they were also close friends, we literally met through my sister.
She didn’t believe me when I said it, then didn’t believe my parents thinking they were just trying to cover for my mistake to avoid being seen as the bad guy.
This divided us a lot even if before we weren’t in contact. But she was convinced I broke my ex’s heart with my infidelity. My sister called me a disgusting pig. On one occasion when she met my SO who was around 7 months pregnant at the time, she called her a homewrecker and said how does she feel carrying an affair child.
From there we ceased all contact despite our parents trying to mediate.
My son is 2, my partner and I are living together now, and the divorce was finalized last year. Now my sister wants to meet her nephew and apologize.
I was still firmly against that. My parents convinced me to at least have one phone conversation. So yeah she’s sorry for how she acted but now it’s the narrative that she doesn’t blame my ex for her reaction and is still somewhat on her side because, in the end, I’m the one who broke her heart and got someone else pregnant.
But apparently is willing to ‘put that aside’ for my son’s sake so they can meet. Oh man, that made me so mad it turned into an argument instead. I hung up on her so I’m still on my decision to not involve her at all.
My parents are telling me to stop being selfish to my son and it’s unfair to keep my sister from her nephew just for wanting to be a loyal friend to my ex. My sister is saying I’m being petty now, I really don’t know what to think anymore it’s seriously driving me crazy.
AITJ???”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell your parents that Sis defending her actions does not make an apology.
A proper apology should include specifics of what she did, acknowledgment of how it hurt you and your partner, why what she did was wrong, how she plans to make up for it to you AND your girl, and how she plans to prove she is going to behave better and regain yours and your partner’s trust in the future.
If your sister can not do that then it is not an apology.
You need to make it clear to your sister and parents that if your sister can not treat your partner with kindness and respect, HER actions are the reason she is not allowed near your family.
Be warned your parents will likely try to force the issue by either bringing your sister along or inviting her over without telling you, or introducing your son to her if they care for him without you or your partner there.
Also, there is a very good chance your sister will pass on info about you, your son, and your partner to your ex.
Also, remember you have no control over what your parents and sister do, you can only control what you do and what contact you have with them.
Families are complicated and only you and your partner can decide what is right for your family, but I encourage you and your partner to discuss your boundaries, what is not acceptable behavior from your parents and sister, and what will be the result if they cross the line and communicate that to your parents.
Take your time and be sure you are happy with your decisions. Also, remember you can always change your mind again later if circumstances change again.” Artneedsmorefloof
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Listen no one has the right to see your child, they aren’t owed anything.
And frankly, it would be damaging to shove a child into the middle of this nonsense. Yes, it’s sad that she’s missing out on her nephew’s life but her own actions have caused it.
Not because she didn’t believe you, you weren’t unfaithful but some people are, parents do cover up for it and while painful she didn’t believe you, your ex fed her believable lies.
The issue here is that she knows she’s lying for sure, refuses to apologize, doesn’t see why she is wrong, and is acting like she’s doing you some sort of favor by wanting to see your son. No, your child doesn’t need this toxicity.” Horrornerd3000
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You had a smear campaign launched against you and that is some seriously damaging behavior on your ex’s part to the point I think it should be a criminal offense. Happened to me, and partially because I was desperate for people to see me in a good light and also partially because I believed it I refused to give people ultimatums about whether they were friends with me or her until I finally realized that it hurt me when people were friendly with her after she pretty much destroyed my life.
I decided that I didn’t have to square that up in my mind or understand their choices because I was going to put my feelings first.
In essence, I was trying to prove I was a decent person to people who should already know this about me and because of the smear campaign in the first place.
So I stopped worrying about the ethical and moral components and just decided that if I didn’t like the way I was being treated by them because of the choice they made then I don’t have to be friends with them or have them in my life.
I deserved better.
You have also been burdened with all of the terrible things that come with a smear campaign. People don’t realize the many complicated aspects involved in moving forward from a situation like this. You have every right to draw the line in the sand or shut down any attempt at a discussion about your choices and how you move forward and the bottom line is you do not have to explain yourself to anybody.
You just don’t have to and they can’t understand anyway unless they’ve been through it. You can say no and you’re well within your rights.
I would just say that you’ll decide in time whether you forgive her or not and how involved you want her in your son’s life but it’s going to happen on your time on your terms, and nobody else’s and that is the end of the story and just make it clear and final because that’s exactly how it should be.
Sorry this happened to you. I know how awful it can be.” Orphan_Izzy
11. AITJ For Taking My Neighbor's Cat?
“My story begins around January (very cold and snowy) when this tiny adorable sweet little tabby kitten with an extra finger literally walked into my apartment.
I live in an area with TONS of strays. A lot of these strays look like older versions of this kitten, so we thought it was a kitten who lost its mother in the snow. Some are friendly, some are not.
Some have mange/feline AIDS/various diseases. This is important in the end. None have ever attempted to come inside the house until this one who we had never seen before! And seriously, we know all these neighborhood cats. We give them all unofficial names and had never seen this little girl before.
We brought her back outside and hung out with her a bit on the stoop. We tried to go back inside without her and she sprinted in. Repeat this for 1.5 hours – some of us went to the store while the other stayed back and when we returned the cat was still trying to get in!!
We could not get her out of the house.
So my roommates and I were like okay we have a cat now!! HOWEVER, we did continually check neighborhood websites/shelters/pet stores/looked around for missing pet signs to see if anyone was missing her and eventually gave up and decided she was ours.
She’s been living with us for 3 months now, is litter trained, and has some serious bonds with us. Her name is Chicken.
Then today, our neighbor (who I have spoken with MANY times and this has never come up) tells one of my roommates on his way in the house that she believes our cat is her cat that ran away around January… and that cat also had an extra finger… now here’s some info on her.
She has 2 young sons both of which I talk to almost daily. They know our cat. They see her through the window. Mom has to have seen her! I just don’t understand how it took 3 months to realize. She sits in the downstairs window 24/7!!!!
Also when we were out on the stoop with her for 1.5 hours how did mom/sons not hear us or see us? You can absolutely see/hear our shared stoop from inside our apartments. When she was talking to my roomie, he said she was very kind and didn’t reaaallllyy seem like she was pressing for the cat back, as she asked where we got ours because she was looking to get another.
This is where he said she just walked in from the cold, only to find out her cat ran away this winter… they also have another cat who escapes quite often and is not an outdoor cat. If that were to happen with this cat, the chances of her getting sick from another stray are very high and we don’t want that either.
Are my roommates and I jerks for not wanting to give her back? I feel bad because it’s so clearly her family’s cat but I also know that little chicken cat is so happy and safe here and we don’t want to think about her possibly escaping from their apartment/getting hurt if one cat already does.
What do we do?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your neighbor is clearly lying. If that cat was actually theirs, those kids would definitely have said ‘hey that looks like our cat!’ I don’t know how old these kids are but kids don’t have a filter and they would’ve definitely said something before now.
Your neighbor just heard the story about how you found the cat and decided that she could lie and claim a cat that you’ve already trained. You should probably get all the receipts for any amount you spent on the cat just in case she tries to go through law enforcement for the cat.
At the very least if she wants the cat she will have to pay for it.” Imagine_124
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for wanting to keep chicken, who has bonded with you. But if a neighbor has proof it is her cat, you may have to give it back.
It does seem weird that it would take this long for her to act. If it were me, what I would do is get all my roommates to agree to the following:
- Do not bring up the cat to a neighbor
- If the neighbor brings up the cat, don’t promise anything. Neighbor: ‘I think that may be my cat.’ Roommate: ‘Huh. It was nice to see you. I’ve got to get home.’
- If the neighbor asks for the cat, then the response is: ‘I will have to talk to my roommates about this.’ Then, honestly, I would go back to #2 and hope she drops it.
If she really gets insistent, you could try to reason with her and/or offer to pay the adoption fee for a new kitten.” Aylauria
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
To me, this seems like (if she is the true owner) she is neglectful towards her cats as you said it took her months to figure out it was her cat.
You also said you checked to see if anyone was missing a pet etc. which also proves that she never really cared that he went missing (or maybe this isn’t her cat). She probably saw how well trained Chicken was and was hoping to get him for free.” Sugar_Queen_
10. AITJ For Telling My Partner I Don't Like His Friends?
“My (21f) partner (22m) and I have been together for two years and everything was going well when he was suddenly busy with work and family.
We don’t live with each other and we would usually talk on discord as usual, but he started to spend more time away from his computer and phone taking hours to reply to my messages and always having to do something.
He would say that he needs time to himself and that I’m not the only person he can talk to. Just to let you all know I’m really jealous and also have anxiety which doesn’t help much. I would be worried that he’s with another woman or that he’s losing feelings for me.
But that’s not the main problem, he has two best friends who I’ve been introduced to, let’s call them Ivy and Carter.
My partner and I have gotten into a huge argument which caused us to take a break. It turns out that Ivy came on to him during that break and she knew we were on a break.
And his friends absolutely hate me and would speak poorly about me to my partner while my partner wouldn’t make an effort into making them stop and would tell me all about it. The reason they hate me is because of what I’ve done in the past which I believe is a poor excuse to hate someone.
And Carter and Ivy would always be hanging out with my partner also making weird jokes saying how they have a prettier body than me. Which caused me a lot of stress that I would rarely eat for the next two days.
I’ve tried telling my partner about it but he would just brush it off saying ‘oh it’s just how they are. I’ve told them to stop but they just still do it.’ It was until one day we were out when he brought up what his friends have said about me which was my last straw, I told him it’s either me or his friends and he said he chose me but he didn’t stop being friends with them using the only excuse that ‘they’re my emotional support and I’ve been there for them and they’ve been there for me.’ But they want us to break up and what’s even worse is that Ivy had messaged him asking if he would rather go out with her or me and he chose me of course but didn’t tell me about what she said thinking it was a joke.
Ever since that day, we haven’t spoken as much and I just wanted to know, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ, but he is. Why would you want to be with someone who let’s other people, friends or not, talk trash about you without defending you?
Why would you want to be with someone who not only didn’t defend you but also turned around and told you in detail all the crap they talked about you? He’s a jerk and his friends are jerks.” PowerfulEquivalent60
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You honestly sound incredibly exhausting and toxic and neither of you sounds ready for a relationship. Jealousy is not an attractive quality, and you don’t get to be toxic and blame it on your anxiety. You’re still responsible for your actions and reactions.
FYI: Yes, they are allowed to decide they don’t like you based on your past actions. That’s literally how socialization works.” LetThemEatHay
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you’re teetering on it. You deserve someone who can reassure you and help you overcome your anxiety, but you need to work on your jealousy on your own too.
Your partner and his friends are the jerks and he should be defending you.” archgayologist
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your vague allusions to ‘stuff you’ve done’ and you admitting to being a jealous person are your conscious speaking. You’ve done something to warrant this behavior from your man and his friend group.” FartsInMyEyes
9. AITJ For Not Forgiving My Father?
“My father (59), who has always had problems with addictions, decided that it was time for him to start drinking again, after 20+ years of sobriety.
It all started in November. He would drink very little on the weekends, but by the end of the month, he would find a different excuse to drink until he couldn’t formulate full sentences at least twice a week.
I m17 repudiated his behavior, but decided to ignore it, I thought he was still getting the hang of it and eventually would learn how to control himself, but things only got worse.
Christmas night was a nightmare, he spent the Holidays dinking unstoppably while I begged for him to stop.
He said, he just wanted to be free to have some beverages, but those weren’t just some beverages, he was getting extremely wasted every single day for a whole week. Time went by and by the middle of February things got ‘better’, apparently he had completely stopped drinking.
In fact, now he was sneaking out when we weren’t home to go to the bar. Things started getting really out of control when he started going to the bar on his way home from work. The worst part is that I knew it.
Everyone knew it, and we were just waiting for something to happen.
Eventually, something did happen, he started treating my mother with extreme disrespect because he was almost constantly intoxicated. Last Saturday she got so upset that she said that if he got wasted ever again, she would ask for a divorce.
Then, he said that he was already wasted, got a backpack that none of us knew about, and left the house. Apparently, there were bottles of wine and whiskey in that backpack. At that moment, I was the only one at home with her, so I was the one who helped her get through it.
Honestly, I’d never seen something so disturbing as the image of my mother, the strongest woman I know, crying desperately, saying that she was terrified of the future. She told me that she’s been unhappy in her marriage for the past five years, but she didn’t do anything because she felt bad for my father, since he almost doesn’t have a social life and he would most likely spend the rest of his years alone.
Then, she completed it by saying that it broke her heart seeing that she’d spent so many years being unhappy with him just because she didn’t want him to have a bad life, but given one opportunity, he left her.
He spent the night out, probably at a bar while my mother cried the whole night.
The next morning, Easter Sunday, he showed up saying that he regretted his actions and that he’ll never drink again. My mom said everything is fine, but I know she’s lying, every conversation I see them having seems almost like it’s being forced. Now, he expects me to act and talk to him as if nothing happened, as if four days ago, my mother wasn’t crying in my arms like a child saying how terrified she was because of what HE did.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your father and mother obviously have some serious issues in their relationship however you seeing him treat your mother like that will obviously make you see him in a different light.
Just keep treating your mom the way you are doing and ignore your father.
At the end of the day, this is your mother’s fight and cross to bear just make sure she knows you are by her side through this.” RemoveAgitated
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You not talking to him is a consequence of his actions, he can try and act like today is a ‘new day new me’, but until he proves that he has changed with results, you can refuse to talk to him.” StormsEye
8. AITJ For Asking My Partner Not To Sing In The Car?
“My (20m) significant other (21f) and I were driving to my mom’s house for Easter. On the way there, my SO wanted to listen to a musical soundtrack, and I had no problems with it, I’d never seen the show before and I was singing one of the songs from it for my voice lessons.
I enjoy listening to her sing along but at times, she would hold out super loud and long notes, and they were admittedly a little out of tune, but the main thing was the volume. I put up with it on our way there but when I asked her to not sing on the way back, she got upset, even after telling her it was only a problem when she got really loud, due to the enclosed space.
She’s saying she can’t trust me now because I judge her for singing in the car when I just wanted her to be a bit quieter. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The driver of a car needs to be undistracted for safety.
Her feelings are probably hurt and she’s embarrassed because she’s inferring that you think she’s a bad singer. If you explain that is not the case (don’t mention that out-of-tune part, lol) and your ears really just are bothered by the loud echo and she’s still giving you the cold shoulder, she’s being immature.” BrazenBuffalo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You asked her in a very forward but not a jerk way and even explained why, not once did you put her down for it at all so she has zero reasons to be upset.
I like to sing in the car as well, but I’m very aware my voice carries even just in a normal speaking voice so I tend to sing when I drive alone, and only if my passenger wants to sing along with me.
I never go full concert mode with others cause I don’t want to annoy them or by chance give them a headache.
You are fully justified.” Regular-Cheek9819
Another User Comments:
“If you told her it was hurting your ears, I would’ve phrased it a little differently like, ‘Hey, I need to concentrate on driving for a bit, could you please sing a little quieter for a bit?’ But otherwise, I think NTJ.” cyaveronica
7. AITJ For Buying An Engagement Ring My Partner Won't Like?
“My significant other has her mind set on the exact ring she wants. But no jewelry store has that exact one.
Also, it is significantly more than I would like to spend. The one she built online is $6200 and the one I picked out for her is $2400 after tax. The one I picked out has more diamonds, it has larger diamonds, and in my opinion, is a lot more beautiful.
I asked her sister and her best friend, who were both like yeah that’s pretty, but I’m not sure about the side diamonds. Neither one said no not that one, or gave me any reason to think that it was not a good one.
So I bought it. I left the store and stopped at a couple of other stores just to see what they had and came to the conclusion that I had picked the best option, especially for the price.
Fast forward to me getting home and apparently both her friend and sister had called telling her that I was making a mistake and buying one she wouldn’t want.
I wanted this whole thing to be a surprise, and they completely ruined it. And now I feel bad because she is saying she won’t like it and wants me to take her with me to pick out the ‘right one.’ I feel like at this point I need to just return it and not buy a ring.
I am hurt because of her reaction and she doesn’t seem to see it. I have even told her in a year or two we can return it and get her dream ring, but she is pushing me to propose and is being very picky about the ring.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Let’s break it down to simple components here: she showed you exactly what she wanted for an engagement ring. You knew specifically what she wanted for an engagement ring. You went out and purchased something that was not what she wanted without consulting her first when she was so set on one particular style of ring.
Set aside someone else telling her about it before you showed it to her, but you were setting her up to be disappointed no matter what.
I understand not wanting to spend 6k on a ring, that makes perfect sense, but what doesn’t make sense is deviating from what she’s looking for, only going to a couple of stores, and not consulting her (the one who wears the ring for the rest of her life, everyday) for a second opinion.
Sounds like you’re setting yourself up to spend even more fixing an original mistake.
The fact that she’s pushing you to propose, and ONLY wants a specific ring, and is not willing to discuss or compromise is a red flag.
She can’t have her cake and eat it too. She has the option to wait a few years for the EXACT ring she wants, or look around with you for another ring that is more within budget and get it now.” Mohsbeforehoes
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
If she wants a certain one that she has to wear every day for the rest of her entire life then her opinion on the appearance of the ring is the one that really matters.
You not prioritizing her opinion there means you suck.
However, if you’re uncomfortable spending that much, the two of you could certainly save up together for it. If she’s not considering the cost she sucks.
Also, her sister and friend both tried to say ‘this ring actually sucks a lot’ by saying they weren’t sure about the side diamonds.
That’s on them though, they should have been straightforward instead of messing about with their words. They suck.
Also, if she built it online you can probably purchase it from wherever she built it.” Dontdrinkthecoffee
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Where to start.
You can’t return a ring after it’s worn or in a year or two. You can resell it, but you’ll get significantly less money for it. And that’s just pointless and a waste of money.
Besides, no girl wants to return her engagement ring.
You absolutely do not need to spend $6000+ on a ring… So this isn’t about buying that exact one.
But this is a ring that she’s going to wear on her hand every day of her life. It could be 70-odd years.
And it’s going to be constantly in front of her face.
Her friends saying hmmm I’m not sure, and not giving you a positive YES… is a no. Top tip – if it’s not a yes, it’s always a no. How many times did your mother say to you as a kid ‘maybe’ or ‘we’ll see’ and when did it ever mean yes?
They were trying not to be too harsh on you
Ring shopping isn’t about getting the best value ring. It’s about getting a symbol of something that says I love you, I get you, I understand you and your wants and likes and style and this is a token of my love for YOU.
Not this is a token of the best deal I could find on the day.
You absolutely DO NOT need a $6k ring. But then you need to go back to your girl and say what else do you like, what other options, as the ones you’ve pointed out are way out of budget and there’s no variation on availability.” useragreement13
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. If you cannot afford a $6k ring, then your partner sucks for saying she has to have that ring. Your partner’s friends suck for intentionally misleading you. You suck because you have decided your partner has no input on her ring.
It doesn’t matter that you think it is more beautiful, it matters that she doesn’t want to wear it. You haven’t said exactly what the differences are, but if she really wants a gold ring and you picked platinum, or if she really wants a princess and you bought a pear, those are big differences and you don’t just get to decide the one you like is better.
You need to have a grown-up conversation with her. If her line is, she must have a $6k ring, you must pay for it all yourself (can she contribute $2k?!), and you must purchase it immediately, otherwise she won’t be happy marrying you, then you should thank her for making her needs and wants as clear as she has, and break up with her.
No saints in this story, but Jesus no adults either. Everyone sucks here.” Flyhro
6. AITJ For Not Inviting My Niece On Vacation?
“I (30F) have always had a strained relationship with my older sister (41F) that has taken some time to repair. Though she’s maintained sobriety over the past 2 years, my sister spent about 15 years as a raging heavy drinker and gambling addict, popping out kiddos left and right and having frequent brushes with the law, homelessness, and CPS.
Of her 3 children still remaining in her custody, her 14 and 15-year-old daughters seem to be very well adjusted and are amazing girls. However, her 10-year-old daughter (who I’ll call Alice) has some weird behavioral issues that make her—as mean as it may sound—awkward and difficult to be around.
My niece is aggressively inappropriate and crude. Imagine a ‘normal’ child with crude and dark humor, only they have no filter and do not respond to being told when to quit. For example, a more recent incident involved my sister, my niece, and me in the grocery store and my niece got it in her head to try to ‘pants’ (basically pull her pants down) my sister.
My sister was in loose-fitting joggers and I’ll never forget the look of desperation and embarrassment on her face as Alice was maniacally laughing and repeatedly trying to pull her pants down, no amount of pleading or threats of punishment making her stop, until I had to forcibly remove her from the store so my sister could complete her shopping trip.
She’s had the same behavioral problems at school as well and was even recommended by her teacher and school administration to be evaluated but my sister took this offensively as a dig at her parenting and decided to enroll her in a homeschool program instead.
I recently got a nice raise at work and decided to take my first actual vacation in years to go to Destin, FL. My 14 and 15-year-old nieces’ spring break happened to be the same week so invited them to go along.
And though my partner had to work, I got his and her mom’s permission to invite my partner’s 9-year-old daughter, as she will be living with us this summer full-time and I thought it would be a good bonding experience.
My sister was fine with the vacation and me taking her older daughters off her hands but when we returned and she saw from the pics on my social media that my significant other’s daughter was included, she demanded to know why Alice wasn’t invited. I told her honestly that I wanted the bonding time and that I did not feel comfortable taking Alice nearly 1000 miles away from home with me as the only adult supervision.
She got very angry with me and took to social media to publicly rant about how I was ‘choosing another child’ above my own family. Some of my extended family backed her up and though our dad is on my side, our mom thinks it was ‘a bad look’ to not invite all of the kids.
Thoughts?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your sister is aware of Alice’s behavioral issues and shouldn’t expect you to care for her child in that situation if you are uncomfortable doing it. The family members taking her side probably don’t understand the extent of her issues.
I hope your sister has a change of heart and gets Alice the help she needs.” kavk27
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m going to assume that since you were wanting bonding time with your partner’s daughter, you two are committed to your relationship.
That drastically changes the rules of engagement when it comes to family dynamics. Putting that aside though, it honestly sounds like your sister is projecting her feelings of inadequacy onto you because she feels that she is not doing enough for her child.
Obviously, I can’t prove that, but it is a guess.” Analytics97
She would have ruined your vacation.
5. AITJ For Throwing A Pie At The Resident Assistant?
“I (18F) went to this event my dorm hosted as a goodbye party for the year. They advertised it as ‘Come Pie your RA to say goodbye.’ For those of you that don’t know what an RA is, it’s another student who runs the halls and enforces rules.
I went and got in line and was first to pie my RA (20M.) We will give him the fake name Jay. When I went to pie him I got him in the face and then had leftover cream on the plate so I went for seconds and pied him on the head.
He got upset and said, ‘that was just disrespectful.’ I didn’t realize I was mean because I got his hair dirty and I assumed it would have been a situation where he would shower after regardless. He then stormed off after being pied by a few other students in line and made a loud comment about having to leave early because he had cream in his hair and had to shower.
In front of a room of a lot of other students saying it was so disrespectful.
I felt bad and went ahead and apologized to him over text because I don’t like big public gatherings and left really quickly.
Only for me to find out he was telling my roommates how uncool it was of me to do that. She said he was ticked off!
I am sorry that I upset him, but I don’t see how I am the jerk because it was an advertised event to pie him, so if he didn’t want to get messy or have that chance of pie in the hair, why did he go?”
Another User Comments:
“You are definitely NTJ here, and he is the jerk for agreeing to the event at all if he was going to be upset about getting his hair messy. There is no way he could have gotten pies thrown in his face for the entire event and not gotten any in his hair.
I am guessing he did not really want to participate but was convinced or possibly forced into it, and you as the unfortunate first person in line got the brunt of his displeasure. It was nice of you to apologize, but honestly, I don’t think you did anything wrong.” Erised2022
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were throwing pies at someone’s face, they can’t reasonably expect to not get their hair messy. Makes no sense at all.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your RA is upset over pie in the hair when he got one in the face?
He must have problems. What did he expect? Getting pie in the hair isn’t fun but it was part of the program. I think he probably didn’t want to get pied in the first place and took it out on you.” Special-Attitude-242
4. AITJ For Not Having A 100% Child-Free Wedding?
“I (35F) will get married on 21/05 after almost 20 years of being in a relationship with my fiancée (36F). We have 2 children (13F and 6M). I also have a 4-year-old sister who is my sunshine, because I always wanted to have a sister.
It is worth mentioning that my family is huge, on my father’s side I have 30 cousins/uncles and on my mother’s side 15, not including all my cousins (second and third degree). If I counted them, it would come to a total of 70+ people.
So, taking that into consideration, I sent a wedding invitation to each of my uncles, and cousins, and on my father’s side, I invited the second-degree cousins (they are my age), I allow +1, but the wedding would be child-free (under 14).
It was sent far in advance, I made it very clear that I would not be upset if they denied going by this rule, some denied it, but most confirmed it.
All my brothers are of legal age, except the youngest, so they will all go.
My sister and son will play the petals, but they will both go home after the ceremony (don’t worry, there will be a babysitter). My daughter will stay until she feels comfortable. I thought it was pretty clear who would and wouldn’t apply for the child-free rule, after all, they are close family, but apparently, it wasn’t.
My father, a little clueless, posted a photo of my sister’s dress in the family group and several uncles/cousins started to question if she would go, if my children would go and my father, without asking me, said yes.
My cell phone froze from so many messages saying that the rule was not being applied in the same way to everyone and that if a child can, it’s unfair for all parents not to take theirs.
I replied that 1.
These children are my children and my sister and they won’t stay for the whole party; 2. the invitation was sent in advance; 3. if I open the rule to my family, I think it’s unfair to the other guests (my fiance’s family and friends who are parents).
Many complained, saying that children don’t eat much and I wouldn’t feel any difference in my pocket (the same price per person if they are 1 or 70) and called me a jerk for doing that.
If I considered children it would be almost 60, 60 children which cost the same as an adult.
And the price of the babysitter is outrageous for that number and it would be more than one, so unfeasible.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not uncommon for immediate family to be treated differently from extended family regarding kids at a wedding.
If you want to be kind, considerate, and generous, setting up a couple of sitters and a pizza party off-site for the other kids is a good way to balance things. My oldest cousin got married when I was 13 or 14, no under-16s at her wedding, and all of us younger kids had pizza and a sundae bar and movies at her mom’s house.
As she had a black tie wedding with an open bar (and some of her friends hit it hard), I think we were probably all a lot happier with our party than we would have been at hers, not to mention it is a lot cheaper.” KaliTheBlaze
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People are so entitled. It sounds like you struck a good balance here where your closest kiddos get to come to the ceremony and then the party is for the adults. (And, by the way, it is lovely the way you dote on your little sis).
Your dad unwittingly opened a can of worms.
I’m not sure that it is worth engaging with all the people complaining and you do not need to explain yourself. Never discuss the cost, never explain why. Once you try to explain, you invite them to try to talk you out of it.
Relative: If my kid can’t come, your kids shouldn’t either. You: We had to make some tough decisions, but of course, I’m sure no one would expect us to get married without our children. I hope that you will be able to come and celebrate the day with us.
Relative: Well, if I can’t bring Damian, I’m not coming. You: Of course, we understand. We hope you can come. But if you are not able to, we look forward to seeing you (this summer, next week, etc.)
Stay serene.
Don’t raise your voice. Be calm but firm. This will blow over.” Aylauria
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you are being reasonable, gave advance notice, and it’s your wedding – the child-free wedding is NOT a weird thing nowadays. The wedding party is almost always exempt from the ceremony, and the kids of the actual marrying couple are almost always exempt too.
Your family is being ridiculous.
That said, they aren’t reacting with reasonableness or logic, so don’t engage in their stupid game. If I were you, I would frame it so that they cannot argue without making themselves look like idiots.
1. kids don’t eat free, it would be 60 kids if you made an exception because the exception would have to be for everyone to be ‘fair’ by the definition of what they’re demanding ‘fair’ is, and you can’t afford 60 more plates or magically conjure up 60 more open seats at the ceremony.
2. even if you were willing to pay for them all, or parents chipped in for kid plates, the venue has a capacity limit dictated strictly by the fire code, you never mess with fire codes, because if you mess with fire codes, the fire department will show up, shut down your entire wedding, and ruin the whole day, and you won’t get any of your money back WHEN (not IF) that happens.
And then stop engaging with them. Don’t justify, don’t wheedle, don’t try to make them see sense. Cut the conversation off and walk away, hang up, stop texting/messaging, etc. Just DO NOT ENGAGE.” fourleggedfishfood
3. AITJ For Making My Daughters Sit Next To Each Other In The Car?
“So we’re going down to Georgia to visit some family and friends. We’re not from there, we’re from the Bronx. I have my stepdad down there, and the multitude of friends that we made in our three years of living there.
The problem is that my oldest daughter is emetophobic (extreme fear of vomiting, seeing vomit, watching other people vomit, or even feeling sick), and my third oldest is prone to carsickness. So she’s thrown up in the car a couple of times.
This rarely happens anymore but my oldest hates sitting next to her on car rides. My second oldest has a gaming laptop that she’s bringing and the only charging port is in the middle with the youngest. So that means that the oldest and third youngest have to sit next to each other.
When I announced the seating arrangement my oldest looked extremely displeased with this but didn’t say anything. This is another thing that’s important, my two kids that will be sitting in the back don’t get along very well.
I’m trying to get them to get along and I’ve even moved to put them in the same room together. My oldest definitely wasn’t happy with the decision and sulked around the house for the next couple of days.
She even cried saying that she didn’t want to share a room with her, so I told her that was all the more reason for them to share a room. The younger cries when she doesn’t get what she wants and the oldest was now doing the same thing.
So they’re sitting in the back together. But the look that the oldest gave when she found out she was sitting in the back with the younger, she wasn’t happy. And this drive to Georgia takes about 14 hours to get there.
So I told her that she would live when I saw her expression, she then got even more upset than she already was and walked away, and made the excuse that she had to go do something. So AITJ for making my daughters sit together in the car?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ big time!!!!!! You forced them to sleep in the same room together to build a better relationship? Of course your oldest hated it. Are you kidding me? Gosh, at least you can come back from this before you completely destroy any potential relationship between them when they move out.
Not to mention the resentment your kids already feel about this I’m sure. This is exactly like these parents who are in new marriages and there’s a bunch of stepkids who hate each other and they constantly force them to do stuff together.
It doesn’t work. Ever. It makes it worse.
You need to allow your children to form relationships on their own you know? Would you force an adult to have a relationship with another adult? No… so why do it with kids?
Gotta let them grow and do it on their own. My younger sister and I used to fight tooth and nail, and my parents didn’t try to force anything. As adults, we talk all the time and she is my fiance’s best friend… don’t force stuff.
Move them out of the same room together. That’s a god-awful decision. Better hope they don’t hold onto that resentment for that move alone. Especially your oldest.” EugenicsProfessor
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You don’t force people, and especially not children who don’t get along, together against their will.
If 2 people don’t get along they need space and need to come together on their own. Since they’re siblings that see each other every day, forcing them to spend even more time together, is definitely going to make things worse.
Especially forcing them to sit 2 feet from each other for 14 hrs after one child has already expressed their displeasure. This is a recipe for disaster.
This is going to be a 14 hr car ride, I can almost guarantee your 3rd is going to throw up.
Why would you put her all the way in the back with the oldest??? The child who has emetophobia??
Put your 3rd in the middle row. Check near the trunk for another charging port. If there isn’t one buy a 6 ft cable, or buy a charging port, or make them go without their device for the hour or 2 that it needs to charge.
There are so many alternatives! The 2nd does not have to sit in the second row just because that’s where the port is. It’s more important to have easy access to the child who’s most likely to throw up and to keep the child with a fear of vomit as far away from that child.” Imagine_124
Another User Comments:
“YTJ big time.
Like, you know you don’t own your kids right? You don’t get to just decide they should get along and then make their lives miserable until they do. They’re people. They have a right to like or dislike each other.
Sure, it would be nice if sisters got on. Have you even tried talking to either of them about why they don’t get along, maybe empathize a little about what the problem is and see if you can help? Or considered that maybe they’re just very different ages right now and will get on better in the future if you give them the room?
The one thing that absolutely guaranteed won’t make them friends is forcing a 14yr old to share a room with the 8yr old, and forcing them to sit next to each other while they are in the car.
There’s literally no excuse for the car thing either.
There are so many other options – Get a huge charger cable that reaches the back and put the puker in the 2nd row/You sit in the 3rd row and put the puker in the front/You sit in the 3rd row WITH the puker, if it’s no big deal/Have the other kid NOT use the laptop for the drive and put them in 3rd row with the puker.
The fact that you reject ALL the options because they’re not exactly what you, your husband, or your laptop kid want? Makes it sound like you either hate your eldest and don’t care what she wants, or you’re just punishing the 14yr old for not liking the 8yr old by deliberately triggering her phobia, which is sick.
You are a raging gigantic jerk. Get your head out of your kid’s butts and leave them alone.” ausmed
2. WIBTJ If I Tell My Kid's Principal Not To Reward Her "Heroic" Behavior?
“I have 2 kids, my youngest is my daughter Charlie (12) in 7th grade, and my son Theo (14) in 8th grade who was diagnosed at 6 with ASD and is homeschooled. My youngest is my son’s bodyguard as she likes to call herself, he got bullied a lot growing up and Charlie learned how to brush them off and calm him down during an incident when I wasn’t around.
Now for her school. Monday I got a call saying I needed to come pick up Charlie from school. I get there and instead of being called into the principal’s office, he comes almost running at me when I get in the door saying how much of a hero my daughter is.
Extremely confused I asked what happened, and they told me that during my daughter’s math class, she removed a kid (Austin) who was bullying another from the classroom in a very ‘heroic’ manner.
Basically, she saw someone picking on her classmate Aaren who also has ASD.
Aaren is a big tech enthusiast and loves video games. Austin liked to close Aarens computer constantly when he was playing a game during his free time, and this time it caused Aaren to cry and that really made Charlie upset.
She asked to talk to Austin in the hallway, waited until he got out of the room, said that their teacher said to meet her in the office, and on his way he went. Charlie went over to Aaren and calmed him down and got him to laugh and smile.
The teacher watching the classroom for their teacher who was in the bathroom watched this all happen and called down to the office and told him what happened and that that’s why Austin was down there.
The principal was overjoyed and called her behavior ‘heroic and inspiring’ and during their awards ceremony for all the kids on the honor roll and distinguished honor roll, they wanted to award her too with a medal and call it the ‘Spectrum Award’.
Basically saying she helped out a person who’s on the spectrum. She hates it, to her, it’s like saying hey I did the bare minimum for someone getting bullied and hated that it specified people on the spectrum because all people who are bullied deserve to be defended. It was a part of her life defending her brother growing up and doesn’t want to be awarded for it nor does she want anyone else to because she thinks it’ll just cause other kids to cause incidents so someone else can swoop in and be the ‘hero’.
So WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You are right to respect her wishes and good on ya for backing both your kids.
All of that said… if I were in your shoes I would think about talking to your daughter and seeing if she would be okay with this.
Not for her actions as such, but for the message it would send to the other kids. If they see this kind of thing being recognized and normalized then it may inspire more of them to speak up as necessary, or at the very least to not engage in the sort of predatory, bullying behavior your daughter looks out for.
Ultimately it is her decision but it may be worth at least a conversation.” thinkfast1982
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ. Want to draw attention to everyone’s right to not be bullied? Want to give your daughter a platform to spread that message?
Then get your own ego out of the way and teach her how to properly make use of this opportunity to shed light on bullying and how it affects every student. Support her desire to make a difference by encouraging her to utilize her platform correctly.
Shunning the attention maintains the status quo, in this case. Soap boxes get ignored. But legitimate calls to action by people perceived as heroic can make a true and lasting impact on the behavior of those around them.” gofyourselftoo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I think it would be great to encourage your daughter to explain to her principal why she doesn’t want to be awarded though. Of course, let her know you back her up 100%. I just think it’s an important skill for parents to help their kids learn how to speak up for themselves (obviously only when it’s safe to do so like in the situation you described.)” wanttoshinexx
1. AITJ For Ordering From The Same Gift Shop?
“I (19F) have this friend, A (18F), whose birthday is coming up soon. Both of us are in the same friend group and we have a birthday group chat where everyone else sends gift ideas for whoever’s birthday it is (while the person in question is not in the chat so as to not spoil any surprises).
Our other friend, B (19F) is in our friend group as well and in the birthday chat. B sent a picture of a shirt she wanted to buy from the official website of A’s favorite artist. I thought this was a great idea and I wanted to do it too, so I also ordered a shirt from the website.
Please keep in mind that the two shirts are not the same, B’s is a t-shirt with a black and grey album cover on it and mine is a long sleeve shirt with a full-color album cover on it, different album covers as well.
I had already ordered it and I sent a screenshot of it to the birthday chat and that was it until about 20 mins later when B said that she felt it was ‘kinda overkill to get A something from the same website’ and that she was planning it for weeks.
I asked if she thought A would mind and B said that she didn’t know but she wanted to get her something artist-themed because ‘they both listen to her.’ I thought this was iffy because someone else in the group is also getting A something with her fav artist. B also said that she ‘even found the website’ as if it was something that took a lot of work to find (it’s the official merchandise website, I found it in 2 seconds flat.)
One of our other friends mentioned that B could just buy A some artist-themed jewelry because it is on the official website. B then said she didn’t actually mind about the artist theme but that the shirts looked ‘basically the same’ (they’re both grey).
She then just decided she’ll get something else even though our other friends were telling us that A would be more than happy to have two different pieces of merch from the same artist. B didn’t feel like heeding our advice and was pretty bent on ‘figuring something else out’.
I knew this would upset her because she’s kind of known for getting upset and blocking us out and not replying to texts, which is what she was doing. I decided I’ll cancel my order and find something else so that B isn’t upset, but AITJ for considering it in the first place?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. She was not entitled to the website, so you were okay to pick the present. However, your friend believes that gifts require thought and effort put into it which shows the birthday girl how much she means to her.
Since you are also buying from the same website, it feels as though her effort/thought of discovering the site to get a great present has now been invalidated/shared when she’s the one who did all the effort in looking for it.
She now wants to find another way to express her effort/thought individually.” StormsEye
Another User Comments:
“You took her idea, how are you not aware that you’re the jerk! Now she’s left having to think of another gift idea, you could have ordered the jewelry or anything else but decided on a shirt as well.
And you still say she’s kind of known for getting upset, so why would you go and copy her idea then?
YTJ.” HistorySweet9902
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! It’s about the bday person so if it’s not the same exact thing anything is fair game.
Like you said in the post I’m sure the bday person would have loved to get many shirts from that site, even if kinda similar. Maybe this is just me but when I find something I really like I get it in every color and option I can.
I’ve had family members get me the same exact thing as someone but just in a different color or a little different. They always feel a bit weird/bad because they think I don’t want multiple but I always say nope I wanted both and asked for both.” lordofthebuns17
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, you took the person’s idea and bought essentially the same thing just different enough so it isn’t the exact thing. You could have so easily taken 5 minutes to think of your own gift idea.” User
