People Are Quick To Pick Sides In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Refusing To Cook Red Meat For My Husband With High Cholesterol?
“My husband 33 was diagnosed with high cholesterol and high blood pressure a month ago. His GP asked to do lifestyle modifications for 3 months and see the changes before starting the medicine.
But he’s not doing exercises or dietary changes like the GP advised. I’ve stopped using salt in food and he’s fine with that.
Since it’s not enough, I asked him to stop consuming red meat for a while. But he’s not listening to me. Today I refused to cook red meat for him and he became angry and said that I’m being cruel for not letting him eat as he pleases.
He said that I’m controlling him and he hates me for that.
AITJ for being concerned about his health and trying to do good for him?
PS. I’ve stopped him a few times when he tried to buy meat. I think his anger grew because of that.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – If he wants to eat red meat that’s on him. You don’t have to enable something that is unhealthy for him by making it yourself. It would sort of be like if a smoker is upset someone doesn’t buy their smokes.
They don’t have to not smoke even though it’s better for their health not to but no one has to enable it either. If your husband wants to eat red meat that’s on him. He can either make it himself or buy something, and all you can do in that case is express concern.
But you don’t have to cook him red meat if you feel it isn’t healthy for him and are just concerned.” sunlightofourpast
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. However well-intentioned you think you’re being, it’s not your decision, as your husband has a right to autonomy over his body and it’s up to him to decide if he wants to follow through on the doctor’s advice or not.
Your husband is being unreasonable for not taking on board the doctor’s advice and expecting you to enable him.” OnlymyOP
Another User Comments:
“OP as someone who was told a similar thing by his doctor you need to understand that your husband has just basically lost a little bit of control which can be very frustrating.
I was told I had to change my diet due to high cholesterol 2 years ago and I still haven’t done it. I’m hoping exercise will work. I’d say you’re NTJ for refusing to cook him red meat as that’s ultimately your choice and you have control over it.
But at the same time, you can’t get mad at him when he goes and buys his own meat, which I assume he was planning to cook himself. Has he considered starting to exercise or maybe joining a gym? That can help his cholesterol without having to sacrifice his favorite meals.
Also, it’s worth mentioning that high cholesterol can also be caused by the person’s genetics rather than just their diet which I think is even worse and is what happened to me.” KingOCE
21. AITJ For Telling My Husband He's Too Broke To Be Sexist?
“So my husband comes from a ‘traditional’ family.
Mum’s a SAHM, father was the sole provider. I come from the opposite – my mother pretty much forbade me from ever being financially dependent on a man and drilled that into me early on.
My husband worked hard to unlearn the values he saw replicated at home.
He pulled his weight at home, was an engaged and present father and a genuine partner. The one thing that grinds my gears is how much weight he puts on the opinions of his family. I get that we all want our parents to be proud of us, but this is too much.
My ILs are staying with us for 2 weeks. Our usual MO is, I prep breakfast, we all eat lunch at work/school, and my husband makes dinner. We have a cleaner, but she’s on holiday so in the meantime we’re DIYing the cleaning where it’s down to everyone to keep their space clean and common spaces we all clean.
This is how we’ve always done it, and it works.
My ILs hate that I’m ‘one of those modern women’. They hate that I work, they hate that I don’t find my purpose in being a wife and mother and they hate that my husband pulls his weight at home.
We spoke pretty frankly early on, where I established my boundaries and told them I won’t be chastised about how I live my life in my home. When I am a guest in their home, I accommodate their ways and play the DIL they wish I was.
They have for the most part respected this.
I got home yesterday after work tired and starving. I typically get home at 1815/30 and we eat at 1900. I said quick hellos and ran up for a pre-dinner shower. When I came down, I went to the kitchen to help set up for dinner and found nothing ready.
I asked my husband about it but he wouldn’t look at me and his mother answered that he hadn’t cooked anything. She told me I needed to do my duty as a wife and cook for my family. My coward of a husband still wasn’t looking at me.
I just walked away and ordered takeaway. I dished up for me and my kids and we sat at the table to eat. My husband and his parents served themselves and joined us.
My MIL was still going on about what was wrong with me and why I was a failure.
I asked my husband if he had anything to say. He said his mother had a point and it wouldn’t hurt if I acted ‘more like a proper woman’ and ‘took better care of my home and children’. He said tradition was tradition for a reason and it was kind of insulting that I thought I was too good for how he was raised.
This is where I might be the jerk. I told him tradition won’t allow a man on 35k to support a family of 5 and he was too broke to be so sexist. He looked hurt and I saw tears welling in his eyes. He excused himself from the table.
I regret saying this in front of our children, but him saying that to me after I’m busting my butt to clean up his mess on top of having to deal with his parents was too much for me. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I get you want to present a united front to the kids but he said that about you in front of them and that is not an idea you want taking root in your children’s minds.
He was banking on you bowing to peer/family pressure to get away with this disrespect of you and your family’s normal way of division of labor. He gambled and lost on that and I am really proud that you did not bow down just because his parents were there or that the kids were in the room.
Too many people let things like this slide so as not to upset the apple cart. This is all on him. He decided it was better for him and easier for him to risk your feelings than stand up to his parents. He chose to upset you versus upsetting his mother.
I honestly would not have let them have any of the take-out food. I would have probably taken my kids and left to have dinner with just me and the kids.” judgeeveryonesbiznes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First thing to do is tell the ILs they are no longer welcome in your home.
If husband wants to see them, he can go visit them. I’d put strict rules in place about contact with the children. Your children should not have to listen to them denigrate their mother. Do talk to your children and say you’re sorry they had to hear that and that adult conversations should be private.
Do not apologize to your husband, he was fine with letting his parents attack you and he said you were not a proper woman. He should be groveling at this point. Tell him he has a choice of therapy for himself or divorce. Your children do not need to be brought up in a sexist, demeaning household.
Be firm and take care of yourself.” squirrelsareevil2479
Another User Comments:
“Obviously NTJ, but I do have to wonder… What exactly have your husband and parents-in-law been saying about you amongst each other? Doesn’t sound like your husband is stopping any malicious slandering, sounds more like he’s joining in.
More than that, how much of what they’ve slandered you about was said in the hearing of the kids? Little mice have large ears, and kids have a habit of eavesdropping when the adults gossip about their parents. There is a HUGE crisis in your marriage right now since your husband basically betrayed you.
Like literally took what you agreed on (equality) and trusted him with (your children) and did the opposite of what you trusted him to do. It’s a betrayal. I’m sorry you are dealing with this. I’d be interested in hearing what he has to say for himself when you talk to him… and you MUST talk to him about it, ASAP.” metalmorian
20. AITJ For Trying To Take The Expensive Bottle Of Champagne During Kris Kringle?
“Every Christmas we have a huge family lunch. Kris Kringle happens after lunch when everyone is intoxicated. You’re supposed to wrap a $50 gift, put it on a pile and someone randomly picks one they want to open, then the person next to them etc. House rules are any person after the first is allowed to trade/steal off someone who has already opened theirs.
Since we have such a wealth gap some people go way over budget. It turns Kris Kringle into a horrible game of “I’m going to steal whatever I think is worth the most.” Every year my uncle’s FIL brings a bottle of champagne worth up to $3000.
I’ve watched it end up back in his hands each time, or someone wealthier. Watching my relatives, who would never be able to drink something like that so excited to get it, or anything else that they would consider a luxury, only for the person who bought it to steal it just because they can, feels cruel and unusual.
I turned 18 last year, so I’m included in Kris Kringle. It went like usual with the grossly inappropriate behaviour and stealing. I can drink/not planning to, but I went to steal the bottle of champagne. My aunt’s mother told me no, “you can’t take this if you’re not going to drink it.” I said I was going to give it to my parents because I was and there shouldn’t have been a problem with that.
There are no rules about using/sharing the gift you pick, but she was adamant what I was doing was not allowed and that I was purposely stirring up trouble. It blew up because I asked for a proper reason why I wasn’t allowed to.
My grandparents tried to get them to let it go, but they ended up fighting. My uncle called me ungrateful and my mum went off on him saying he was just as ungrateful towards the $50 presents, that he treats us differently because we’re struggling to pay our bills etc. In the end, he, my aunt and her parents walked out and took the bottle with them.
It ruined the rest of the afternoon and they flew back early.
My parents didn’t blame me at the time and let me know they understood why I did it, but that I should have just given up the bottle. I apologized to them because I had no idea it was going to be taken so seriously.
I never would have taken it if I knew.
Now it’s May and they’re still not talking. My parents say it’s because of Christmas and want me to apologize. My mum’s other brother says he’s on my side and this kind of thing has happened before, that they’ve always been like this.
My mum agrees but just wants to smooth things over.
I don’t want to apologize. I don’t even think it’s really about the champagne. I think my relatives are blowing what happened completely out of proportion because I inadvertently pointed out their bad behaviour and they don’t like that.
I’m sick of them pretending their attitude isn’t bad and childish while blaming me for a problem that’s been around before I was even born. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and WHAT is up with your family? If it’s a $50 limit, stick to the $50 limit, people!
Secret Santa is supposed to be fun! Your family blowing up and not TALKING to each other is legitimately school playground behaviour for infants, not mature adult behaviour. Jesus Christ. I’d have stolen it and hidden it in the washing machine like I was at a university party lol.
Also it’s so wild to me that you’re 18 and can’t drink champagne. The drinking age here is 18 and you can have a glass of wine or champagne with a meal at 16.” camembert23
Another User Comments:
“I say NTJ personally but….if you do want to give an apology to try and help your folks out, give the sort of apology I’m sure they are very good at receiving.
A narc apology. Something like “I’m sorry your feelings were hurt” “I’m sorry my actions were misunderstood” “I’m sorry my refusal to give up the bottle caused a rift between you and my mother.” I would forever refuse to participate in this family tradition though.
And every time someone asks I would tell them in explicit detail this story and that this is why you don’t participate.” commentspanda
Another User Comments:
“I don’t understand how this game works with the champagne involved. They put it in, but ensure that only specific people can end up with it?
How is it that someone “acceptable” always ends up with the bottle until now? Did unworthy people just know not to try to steal it, or did worthy family members always game the system to steal last? Also, you should have just said you were going to drink it.
And NTJ. Also, you didn’t steal it, because they took it with them. And you said you did apologize, so… I think you should call and tell them they owe you a bottle of champagne.” MissionCreeper
19. AITJ For Ordering From The Kids Menu At A Sushi Restaurant Due To Seafood Intolerance?
“I (29f) have been invited to celebrate my BIL’s birthday at a sushi restaurant alongside my partner. The birthday dinner was last weekend and there was no way for me to decline or avoid it.
Now I am intolerant to fish and seafood, so I am trying to avoid eating anything containing those, and as you can imagine it is rather hard to avoid at a sushi restaurant. The restaurant has other options like chicken katsu curry and different chicken dishes, but they are all a part of the kid’s menu, the normal adult menu only had different types of sushi.
So I ordered from the kid’s menu and also said I am cool paying an adult price for the dish. The waiter was trying to refuse but after a brief explanation behind the reasoning they had no problem serving me something from the kid’s menu.
Because of this I had a lot of weird looks, especially from my SIL who later confronted me saying what I did was a bit selfish and jerkish since I was invited for sushi and since she was trying to convince her children to eat more adult food (poke bowl) and I have ruined it.
My partner is on my side, however, some other family members believe I should have sucked it up and eaten the sushi.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I don’t care for sushi but because of an underlying medical condition, I can’t eat seafood or shellfish. Your inability to eat fish or seafood has nothing to do with your sister-in-law’s desire to expand her children’s culinary horizons.
Who in their right mind would eat something that will make them sick for the sake of appearances?” Peony-Pony
Another User Comments:
““I tell you what, SIL, I’ll eat the sushi, then come home with you and park myself on your toilet for the night.
That way we can discuss it all night long since I’m going to be up. Are you running low on toilet paper? No? Good. Oh, don’t worry. I’ll use the toilet in the master suite, so it won’t affect the kids, just you guys and your bedroom.
Also, if you don’t have any Benadryl, we’ll need to make a stop and get some so that the rash doesn’t get out of hand. It’ll be a great lesson for the kids. ‘Let yourself be badgered into eating stuff your body doesn’t tolerate simply because ignorant people demand it for stupid reasons.’ Teach them how to NOT protect their own well-being.
Do you have the shelf picked out for your Parent of the Year trophy yet?” Definitely NTJ. If your SIL is having issues teaching her kids to eat the way she wants them to, that’s on her, not you.” Hungry_Composer644
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even if you just didn’t feel like eating sushi, they have no right to comment on what you are ordering. Given that you have a seafood intolerance, they were even more jerkish. Sushi without seafood is not great, and rather than declining the invitation or making a fuss, you found a perfectly reasonable solution.
If she wants her kids to try more stuff, great. She’s mom so it’s on her to explain why her kids have to follow her rules and you don’t. The seafood intolerance would have given her an easy way out.” Squiggles567
18. AITJ For Not Offering My Homemade Lunch to My Coworkers?
“I (20F) work at my father’s company. I usually bring food to the office to have for lunch/snack (like almost everyone does).
Today I brought pancake batter that I made at home to cook on the pan. I get hungry, take a lunch break, and eat my food.
My dad’s “wife” (partner because they’re not married even though she has a ring) told me off for not asking if anyone would like a bite of my food.
She always comments on things that don’t concern her, I don’t get what’s her problem but I told her I’m not obligated to share my food, and if she really wanted a taste that bad she should have asked. I know she only made that comment to annoy me because she wouldn’t have taken a bite even if I had asked. So, am I a jerk for not asking anyone if they would like some of my food?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Eating at home, a lot of families will do food communally, and offering when you go to make something yourself is considered polite. Eating at work, everyone deals with themselves, and there is no expectation that people will be taking in any more food than they need to feed themselves – after all, if you end up with too much that just results in food being awkwardly left in a communal fridge, not a home fridge where people know what they can and cannot help themselves too.
The fact that you are working with (kinda) relations I don’t think muddies the water at all – you won’t have prepared food for them unless it was planned in advance or commonly done that way, and I wouldn’t expect you to offer up your own meal.” Nrysis
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I once had a coworker tell me I should share (with the entire 34-person team) my little baggie of popcorn I had brought as part of my lunch, leftover from what I had made at home the night before. That coworker was bat poop crazy, had at least one personality disorder, and had fixated on me simply because I sat in front of her so she stared at the back of my head all day.
Sorry that you’re having to deal with this from someone who is not only a coworker, but is also semi-relation so harder to escape from.” pip-whip
17. AITJ For Making My Dad Cry During Our Family Therapy Session?
“My mom, my dad, and I went to one of my therapy sessions together yesterday (I have them because I have behavioral issues and autism).
First, I was just trying to be honest about how much a lot of what my dad does upsets me (He never cleans up after himself, wipes his beard shavings on the bathroom towel, interrupts a lot, makes gross jokes, and more). I think I talked too much during there because I can’t talk about this stuff at home without being yelled at or my dad telling me I nag like a woman (?).
Like 30 minutes in he asked me why I’m trying to embarrass him, I said I’m just being honest, then he got really quiet for the rest of the appointment then cried there and on the car ride back. My mom is mad at me and my dad and I aren’t talking right now.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents don’t seem to understand the point of therapy, which is to get all your feelings out in the open. My guess is they’re doing what a lot of parents do: using family therapy as a tool to make you into the kind of child they want you to be.
Not the kind of person YOU want to be. I hope that there will be another session where you get to talk about this to the therapist. But my guess is that this will be the end of it. Also, your father’s behavior is embarrassing and gross.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Therapy is supposed to be a safe space. If it was just about you, you’d be there alone. I imagine your father thought it was just about you. I made my dad cry once when we got intoxicated and I told him how much his leaving my mother for another woman, at age 6, really stuck with me.
He basically went the rest of his life, died from cancer a few years later, feeling partly responsible for my anxiety and trust issues. And in a way he was. But that conversation really helped our relationship. He stopped trying to teach me the hard way and started helping me.
If you are somewhat OCD, and this triggers your own anxiety, I would think therapy is a safe space to air that out. Maybe apologize for making him upset since that wasn’t your intention and tell him you can’t control these feelings and you need his help is all.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Therapy is supposed to be your safe space where you can tell what’s on your mind. Now they’re mad at you for telling them the things that upset you? What did they expect the therapy session to be? A fun time?
You told the truth in a safe place & your parents’ reactions are completely unfair. They have 0 reason to be mad at you. I don’t know how to fix it. I wish I did. But please know you did nothing wrong. And your parents need to come to their senses & support you rather than being mad at you.
This is not good parenting.” NOTTHATKAREN1
16. AITJ For Making A Tombstone Cake For My Sister's Birthday Party?
“My (F26) sister Anne (F30) recently celebrated her 30th birthday. Anne is heavily into victorian-goth aesthetic (tombstones, corsets, ravens, gloomy mansions, etc.) so for her party I made her a tombstone cake – a cake in the shape of a tombstone decorated with roses and cobwebs with the text “here lies your youth”.
Anne herself LOVED the cake and was overjoyed. However, it turned out that one of her close friends’ (Mike) dad died a few weeks before the party. I didn’t know it, as while I know the guy, I’m not close with him and my sister didn’t mention anything about it.
When Mike saw the cake he got pretty upset and was in a bad mood for the rest of the party. Which is pretty understandable.
Mike himself didn’t say anything about it but later some of our mutual friends reached out to me saying that I was callous and I shouldn’t make a cake like that, as it may upset people with deceased loved ones.
Obviously, I hadn’t thought about it and only wanted to accommodate the cake to my sister’s interests. But I started to think that maybe I should have made a more traditional cake for the party and given Anne a smaller one or tombstone cupcakes/cookies as a gift, in private.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s understandable that the other friend was upset and feels like it might have been insensitive, but it’s a little difficult to be sensitive about a subject that you are 100% unaware is even an issue to begin with. If you’d known going in that someone in the group had just had such a drastic loss, I imagine you probably would have done things differently, but sometimes things like this just happen.
You didn’t know he lost someone, and nobody probably knew to warn you, either. It’s an unfortunate sequence of events but no, NTJ at all. Besides, it “might upset some people who have deceased loved ones…” I think literally every person on the planet has deceased loved ones, yet major gothic visual themes exist all over pop culture.
The Addams Family is one of the most famous such examples.” neophenx
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am a goth, I also have a dead dad, I would have loved that cake. He has a goth friend, he should know that her being goth, death is something that is interloped intimately with the subculture.
You made a cake that suited your sister best, and she loved it. I always am for being kind to those suffering and to be gentle around them, but sometimes you can’t shield them from everything and they have to manage how they react to triggering situations themselves.
The thing is, he didn’t even react strongly at the time, other people attacked you – it’s not up to them either. Unless Mike sent them to chastise you, they can kick sand.” corvidfamiliar
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, OP. In a perfect world, someone somehow could have warned Mike ahead of time so he could decide if he could handle being in the presence of said cake.
But this is not OP’s responsibility. In the real world, who would think to say anything to anyone? No one ever tells anyone what the theme of the birthday cake they’re making is. Best case scenario, someone sees the cake and grabs him at the front door, making a scene, which is disruptive.
Mutual friends seem to be manufacturing offense for others where there doesn’t seem to be any. If Mike had a problem, he can say so. Seems like he had a moment, kept it to himself, and did the best he could under the circumstances.” stranded_egg
15. AITJ For Calling The Police On My Neighbour's Kids For Vandalism And Trespassing?
“I live in a mostly quiet neighborhood, my next-door neighbor has 6 kids ranging from (9-15). His kids always play on my lawn because it’s big and I don’t mind it, until they started playing loudly and they always pick on my son and harass him so I told them they’re not welcome to play near my house anymore.
I told their parents, but they didn’t listen and continued to play on my lawn.
They stayed like that for a couple of weeks and every time I scolded them and told their parents.
Until one of the kids cracked my window, I lost it and called the cops on them.
They were charged with vandalism and trespassing. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and this might be controversial, but if these kids never learned actions have consequences, they’re sort of NTJs either. Their parents are big jerks though! Can you talk to the parents before pressing charges?
You could offer an alternative like paying for the window and performing chores around the garden for the summer…” Same-Secretary7005
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They couldn’t play nice so they lost access. They then vandalized your property the expensive way. Time to camera up, as this could escalate and time to put in a fence or hedge.
Might I offer some you might want to consider Pyracantha, Blackthorn (Prunus Spinosa’s a personal fave as I like sloe gin), Roses, Gooseberry, Hawthorn (family is Crataegus) all are nice fruit or flower-bearing bushes that come with the added benefit of really un-fun to crawl through (a well-laid hedge of Blackthorn and Hawthorn is enough to keep cattle in check).” MrFlitter
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! People complain about taxes, but one very valuable thing they do is buy society. It would be nice if we could all respect each other’s property – this is part of living in society. But sadly this doesn’t always happen. You let them know not to disrespect your property.
Since they continued to ignore your reasonable request you are within your rights to avail yourself of what you are already paying for: the enforcement arm of local laws, the police. Sorry it came to this, but they brought it upon themselves and you have no need to feel bad.” Random-OldGuy
14. AITJ For Refusing To Financially Support My Parents Until They Downsize Their Lifestyle?
“I (38F) and my husband (41M) have been stressing over my parents. My parents are in a tough spot as they took out of their pensions at 55 and have only about 100-130k each left. Their house has some equity but not as much as you would think as they have withdrawn from their equity line of credit several times.
My dad has a 100k truck and a vintage Porsche and my mom has a 7-seater when they are the only ones now. My dad is very prideful and refuses to take anyone’s advice so it was a shock when they came to me and asked for financial help.
He has had a lot of health issues and told me he is going to be taking social security now (he is 68) and quitting his job. Which means they cannot afford their mortgage or car payments. They totally blindsided me, I had no idea how bad it was until now.
Thinking back I guess I should have known as they buy so much unnecessary stuff but my parents always acted like they were rich.
I told them point blank that I wasn’t funding them until I could see all their accounts and assets and this caused a huge fight but they eventually relented. I went through what they have and they really don’t need my help.
They just need to downsize dramatically. My husband is a CPA so he knows this stuff and we went through and told them what they needed to do. They need to sell all the vehicles and get a reliable sedan. They need to sell their 3400 sqft home and buy into a single home with a basement suite or an apartment.
I think the apartment is better as my dad struggles to mow the lawn and hires someone now anyway. But my mom insists she needs land for a garden. After that, their SS payments would be enough and they would still have a small nest egg.
This was met with them complaining that they would be living like prisoners. My parents were angry if they got a small single family they would need to rent out the basement. My dad insists the basement which he has as a man cave is necessary for life and my mom refuses to downsize as she has a whole room full of clothes at their current home that can’t fit in a smaller house.
I got mad and told them they need to humble themselves since they are the ones asking for money. This resulted in them yelling about how ungrateful I am over the phone until I hung up.
I told them they have to do this because I’m not helping.
They still have more assets than my husband and me and we have a son to save college funds for. My parents have been trying to guilt me by saying they gave me great Christmas presents and a college fund so I owe them. I feel like that was a tiny proportion of their spending and it didn’t put them in this position but am I obligated to help support them when they can support themselves if they downsize?”
Another User Comments:
“Well, it isn’t that they need to humble themselves, I hate that term, it is they need to face reality and live the life they can afford to live. You reasonably said that you cannot afford to support them. Life is a choice, if they choose not to downsize and have to pay more to stay where they are, then that is on them.
When they have to hire help for things, that is on them. Children certainly do not owe their parents reimbursement for making sure said child survived to adulthood. After all, children do not ask to be born. You went over their finances and showed them how they could successfully live on what they have, they chose to ignore those parameters.
That is on them. Tell them that they should not be buying you and your family gifts in the future, you just want to see them for holidays and birthdays. And for the more difficult part, do not engage in these types of conversations again.
If they get started, remind them they know what they need to do and that you and your husband are not a viable retirement plan for them. Then change the subject or walk away.” Tinkerpro
Another User Comments:
“Well, if what you are describing have been facts then you’re surely NTJ.
You don’t owe them for bringing you into this world and giving you Christmas presents. And it’s their own fault if they have been wasting their money. My parents are similar in the way that they never considered moving into a smaller apartment from a house that had become way too big.
But at least they were able to pay for their own living so far. Mom now lives alone in the house with many rooms she probably never even enters. She can‘t take care of the garden and the pool is rotting. But moving into a cozy little apartment?
No way.” lamettalimette
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They over-spent on their income for decades, in an era when it was easier to avoid doing this. They could move to a 2br/2ba condo/townhome and make it work – just like I’ve seen countless elderly people do once they retire.
Downsizing isn’t a shame, and people who I know who have done it eventually comment that a smaller place is easier to maintain, etc. A couple in a 2br/2ba home or condo or townhome gets: 1) 2 toilets – no waiting 2) a spare room best set up as a “getaway by myself” room for either to use if they need some alone time 3) room to both get ready for the day at the same time 4) a spare closet for stuff 5) typically a W/D in a closet.
What they lose: 1) the ability to maintain piles and closets of useless junk.” JayReadsAndWrites
13. AITJ For Accidentally Revealing My Relationship At My Sister's Engagement Party?
“I (F25) recently got into a relationship with another woman for the first time. I’m openly bi, though I’ve only been with men previously and to be honest I don’t think many people in my family really believed I was bi because of that. It is still new and I hadn’t officially mentioned her being my partner with the family yet.
Last night, my sister hosted a small engagement party with close friends and family. I was very very enthusiastically encouraged to bring a partner, but given the fact it’s a girl and would be our first event, I didn’t want to make a big deal at the party and came alone.
For the entire time I was there, my mother kept pestering me about finding a husband. I avoided her, trying to dodge her questions, but I’m not a very good liar and she quickly picked up on that fact. So she enlisted the help of my cousin to stalk my Instagram.
I don’t post much, but they quickly found me tagged in my partner’s posts and put two and two together.
It wasn’t a bad reaction, but it was the main topic of conversation for the rest of the night. Lots of whispers, questions, and “Love is love” comments.
I just tried to take it in my stride and kept trying to celebrate my sister’s engagement, but I was a bit uncomfortable with the attention and left as soon as it was appropriate for me to do so.
Well. I woke up this morning to a voicemail and a few texts from my sister saying she is upset I ruined her engagement party, by making everything about my new relationship.
Not only that, but my mother and several family members who my sister ended up raging at for focusing so much on me at the party for her, have texted me saying that it was my fault they’re in trouble.
They say I need to apologize and make things right with my sister, so she will stop being so upset with them.
That it was only natural for them to react that way to such news and I should have either made the relationship known before the party or done a better job at hiding it.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Here’s your apology. “I am sorry that I was hounded into revealing my private relationship business by people who should have been both adult enough to respect the occasion and my right to speak about my business when I decided it was appropriate to do so.
I am sorry and saddened that these lapses in judgment and decorum by those who should have known better tainted my sister’s engagement party. I hope that this episode serves to remind us all that even when curiosity is born supposedly out of love and concern, there is still a time and place for everything.” NTJ.” Accomplished_Two1611
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Let your sister know that it was unfortunate that her engagement party was ruined, but remind her that you did not bring your partner and when your mother asked, you intentionally tried not to answer. So the person she should be texting for an apology is your mother.
As for the other relatives. It’s not your fault that none of them know how to mind their own business or don’t have the common courtesy to know that the focus of an engagement party, should be the couple who just got engaged.” photosbeersandteach
Another User Comments:
“Tell your sister that you avoided bringing the partner to avoid a reaction, the family members incessantly pestered you and your cousin instigated the entire situation investigating your social media. Explain that you were made extremely uncomfortable and left in hopes of preventing more of their attention.
Conclude by saying you brought nothing up and that fault for the debacle is 100% caused by the busybody relatives that created the debacle. That you are sorry that they harassed you unmercifully and that they caused even more of a spectacle. If she comes around in a few days, OK.
If not, tell her that you will ABSOLUTELY not accept false blame again for this same nonsense happening at her wedding. That the only way you can ensure it doesn’t happen is to bow out. Of course these same members will rue on and on at the wedding about you not being there because of your bi status and your sister will blame you.
You can’t win unless your sister decides to not be the jerk.” Scenarioing
12. AITJ For Not Babying My Partner After His Ill-Advised Fasting?
“My partner (M34) has a new personal trainer who is not a qualified nutritionist. This PT advised him to stop eating breakfast so he would see results faster (intermittent fasting). While that may work really well for some people, e.g. I often skip breakfast and eat my first meal at noon; I cannot stress enough how bad this advice is for my partner.
My partner is the sort of person who will get very lethargic if he’s hungry, it impacts his mood, his concentration – everything. He genuinely becomes a different person when he is hungry. My advice was that he would be able to achieve the same fast results if he tracked his calories and reduced them overall by the same amount.
I make his breakfasts, they’re between 400-500cals. He doesn’t want to track his calories, because that is ‘too hard’. He wants me to do it for him. Sorry but no.
So he skipped breakfast three days in a row, yesterday being the third day.
In the evening he went to play football and played a particularly challenging match.
On the way home (10:30 at night), he started to feel dizzy and faint and rang me to let me know. I told him to eat something and go to his family home because it is a shorter drive (and because his mother will baby him when I don’t.
But I didn’t say that part out loud). He said he has chewing gum and he wants to be in his own bed. Fine. I told him I was going to bed though.
He got home around 11:30—midnight. I was sleeping. He ate a single banana and had a shower.
In the shower, he started to feel faint again. Because of this, he proceeded to turn on all of the lights and was walking around shivering and moaning loudly like his appendix burst or like he broke something.
I woke up initially annoyed, then confused. I asked him what’s wrong, fully expecting to see a broken limb.
Instead of responding, he just kept moaning. No words. Eventually, he was able to tell me that he is cold and feels faint. I got up, put a bunch of blankets on him in bed and gave him a tablespoon of honey. The shivering immediately subsided, and he fell asleep.
It took me another two hours to go back to sleep after that.
This morning he tells me that I’m in the wrong because I was mad at him, not worried enough, and “not caring enough like his mum would have been”. So even though I did everything right, and his symptoms had subsided quickly … I’m a bad partner because I didn’t baby the 34-year-old.
AITJ?
I think I may be the jerk because I come from a Slavic background where we were all outwardly “cold” to each other but I thought my actions last night showed care despite how I felt. So, let me have it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but something is not right here. This is not a normal response to not eating. And the fact that giving him a spoonful of honey seemed to fix the issue sounds to me like he may have a significant undiagnosed medical issue, potentially diabetes or something close to it.
I know my diabetic friend would screw around and forget his insulin and would have seizures when his blood sugar dropped. Your partner is an idiot AND he needs to see an actual doctor right away.” Its_Big_Fungus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but not a nutritionist any more than the trainer might be (my own trainer IS a nutritionist – many of them are).
Your partner needs a full medical workup and blood tests. Intermittent fasting is not dangerous or harmful unless you have an underlying medical issue (such as diabetes, High BP, vitamin/mineral deficiency, etc). The only advice you should give him is to see a doctor.
While I agree about calories – you can’t do this for him. “Manning up” does not seem to be his thing – wise of you to refuse to ‘mother’ him.” omeomi24
Another User Comments:
“I was originally going to say you’re the jerk (or at least a little silly) for not taking him to the ER.
Yes he was taking dumb advice, but when he got home shivering, faint, in pain, and turning on all the lights that suggests a potentially serious medical situation, possibly neurological issues, to me (am a healthcare worker). If my patient did that I’d be pretty concerned. You were caring, yes, but it actually scared me to read this and see that he didn’t get professional medical help because I’ve seen those symptoms turn into very bad scenarios.
And yes, sometimes it’s just hypoglycemia, but you don’t know that for sure and honestly, I’ve seen patients with very low blood sugar without symptoms half as bad as his, not to mention this happened in the evening and he wasn’t skipping dinner…I don’t think this was something to be slept off.
So I have to take issue with your assertion that you did everything right. You made a good, lucky guess. I thought that was what he was going to be mad about, that you didn’t get him to the hospital? Then he threw out the “like his mum” and I was like nah he’s the jerk.
What the heck. And I assume he’s wanted to be babied before too. So NTJ.” wanderingmemory
11. AITJ For Telling My Sister To Stop Complaining About Her Debt And Cut Back On Luxuries?
“I (F22) live with my partner (M24). We aren’t poor but we do have to budget for things that we want, although technically we are considered low income. My partner works in retail and I work as a hairdresser, both of which are not super high-paying jobs.
My sister “Emily” (F32) and I have not been super close, and to be honest I do not really like her. I feel like she just takes and does not give, and is condescending towards me. She and her husband are both full-time nurses and they have 2 kids ages 4 and 7.
I know that nurses don’t make crazy salaries but Emily and her husband definitely don’t earn peanuts. Neither of them had school debt either, as they both had scholarships.
For her entire adult life, Emily has been very irresponsible with money. She always needs new, flashy things and would constantly ask our parents for money.
She and her husband both have fancy Range Rover cars, wear mostly designer clothes, and are often eating at expensive restaurants. I do not know how much of this is being funded by themselves or my parents, but I know my parents give them money every month to “help with the kids’ expenses”.
She recently admitted to me that she has run up a lot of credit card debt, and frequently complains that our parents do not give them enough money. I became frustrated hearing the constant complaining and I told Emily I don’t really want to hear about it when I do not get given anything by our parents and she is living a much better lifestyle than most people.
I said that if she wants to pay off her debts she should start by cutting back on luxuries.
She got really defensive and said that she works very hard and deserves to have nice things. I explained that I know she works hard but she is quite literally living beyond her means.
This blew up into an argument as Emily said it’s not my job to police her choices and I’m just jealous of her, to which I said I’m not jealous of someone who is in debt and I don’t want to hear about her problems that she could’ve easily avoided. She said I just don’t understand how hard life has been for her.
Emily hasn’t spoken to me since and my mom is urging me to apologize and says that I am being cold. I don’t think I have anything to apologize for but Emily has never been this angry with me before. Was I really the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Emily seems to be throwing a hissy fit because she’s facing the consequences of her actions. I think her saying you’re “just jealous of her” may be her projecting in some way because it sounds like you and your partner are wiser about your spending habits than her.
Her argument is absurd, to say the least. She’s already living beyond her means in a double-income household, which makes her a negligent parent at BEST. And no matter how hard she works, she has no business having “nice things” if they’re out of her budget.
If you’re open to suggestions on what course of action to take, I’d recommend bringing this up with your parents, making it clear that Emily is in financial ruin, and immediately absolve yourself of any involvement right after.” WiseOldBMW
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And consider setting a personal boundary of not giving any money to your parents in the future.
Because it’s very possible that them supporting your sister’s lifestyle will negatively impact your parents’ ability to retire. Within the next ten years, your parents will want to retire and will have wasted all of their savings on Emily. Tell Mom that you won’t apologize for telling Emily she shouldn’t complain when her finances are a direct result of her overspending.
Kindly, but firmly, tell Mom and Dad that you hope they aren’t spending ALL of their retirement funds on Emily because you won’t be in a position to help them. And it’s unlikely that Emily will be able to repay their support.” teresajs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The truth hurts. If you feel inclined to repair the relationship, you can say, “Emily, I didn’t mean for our conversation to get heated. Were you telling me about your debts because you want my advice/help on how to get out of it?” If she says no, then tell her that in the future you would appreciate it if she did not complain to you about her finances.
If that upsets her, then that’s on her and you did your part and you can walk away.” AnonymousPopotamus
10. AITJ For Not Letting My Homeless Ex-Husband Stay In My Guest Room?
“I (51F) divorced my husband (47M) nearly two years ago. I attempted to make him move out when I filed for divorce but he would not. The house was awarded solely to me in the divorce since it was purchased with my pre-marital separate property (assets), but he still refused to move.
I ultimately had to evict him and have a Deputy come physically remove him from the property. He had found a marginal living situation but did not pay the rent for several months and so was evicted from there also. Now he lives in his car, which he also uses to drive for rideshares, his only income.
We have maintained contact because I am one of the only people in his life who will help him (helping people who are in great need is ingrained in my psyche), and he has asked me if I will allow him to stay in my guest room during the day so he has a place to sleep that is air conditioned (we live where it is already in the 90s and very humid).
He says he won’t move any of his things in and that he will both pay me and help me fix some things in the house that are broken (all of which he broke when he lived there). I could use both the money and the assistance, but he has proven unreliable multiple times in the past as far as paying and assisting.
Based on past experience, he will also eat all my food and keep the house at 65 degrees all day, which will drive my electricity bill sky-high.
It’s a tempting offer but I just don’t want him back here again; he still thinks we can get back together so I suspect that is part of his motive also.
He knows me well enough to know exactly how terrible I feel about his current living situation and is capitalizing on that emotion to make me waffle on the subject. I feel like I might be the jerk because I have the space and I know he needs a place where he can sleep without getting heat stroke.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You two are divorced and you are not his parent, so you are not keeping him homeless… And there is nothing tempting to what he proposes. Sometimes the best way to help someone is to leave them to themselves to figure things out… Not your job.
And if you let him back into your house it may be more difficult to get him out, as the marshall may ask why? Always remember he never wanted to move, you had to force him out by law.” IamMrEE
Another User Comments:
“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.
Why do you think letting him back into your home will produce a different result? Was it not difficult enough getting rid of him the first time around? And he has proven he hasn’t changed which is how he ended up living in his car.
Make sure you set aside a budget for twice the repairs currently needed and for the eviction process round two. If you let him move back in. Personally, I’d have blocked him on everything. No longer your problem.” Frankifile
Another User Comments:
“NTJ to say no. In many areas, there are shelters for single men.
There also are rooms and granny flats for rent, cheaper than an apartment. Or an apartment with three college guys. Whatever.
He’s hoping to reconcile? NO.
He won’t bring his belongings? NO. And yuck. No deodorant, no change of clothes?
He’ll sleep and leave?
NO he won’t. You had to evict him once.
He’ll pay rent? NO he won’t. He wouldn’t pay the stranger, why would he pay you?
He’ll fix things? NO. And those are the things he broke.
And he’ll run up your electric bill, dropping the thermostat when you’re not there because you’re WORKING to pay the bills.
And eat your food. Because you’re not there. Because you’re working! OP, you already know this. You’re divorced. That means separate lives. Make it happen. If he’s in the USA he can call 2-1-1 and United Way can help.” Popular-Way-7152
9. AITJ For Refusing To Attend Family Counselling Dominated By My Sister's Issues?
“I (15M) have an elder sister, Layla. Layla has made it her mission to make my life a misery for as long as I can remember and my parents just let it happen.
Layla can do whatever she wants, stay out till midnight, get Cs and Ds and never do her homework, get suspended, drink underage, go to parties. Meanwhile, I’m expected to get straight As. Layla gets to call me lazy, a rat, useless, worthless, and whatever else she pleases but heaven help us if I tell her to shut up.
No, that gets me a 3 hour lecture on how disrespectful I am.
Dad says it’s because he expects better from me, that Layla just can’t do the same stuff I can. He does his best to pay attention to me too most of the time, admittedly but my mother doesn’t.
I was recently diagnosed with cluster headaches and she never took me to the doctor until Dad came home one day when I was in the middle of an attack and called an ambulance.
Anyway, last week when I was having one of my attacks Layla went behind my back to tell my parents I was faking it and she was upset by how I got time off for headaches so they should make me get up and do work.
Dad told her no but she started talking about favouritism and of course that meant we had to do something.
Because of course, when Layla feels like it’s favoritism against her, as though she doesn’t get away with everything, that’s a cause for the house to blow down.
The second I could see and hear and think again they told me we were going to family counseling. They obviously did no such thing when I talked about Layla bullying me or how they let her say whatever she wanted when I can’t say anything back.
Because favoritism only matters when Layla feels it.
I’ve gone to several sessions, hopeful because maybe I can get to talk about myself as well. But no it was all Layla, Layla, Layla. Layla feels I get too few chores? Ok, I’m doing more now.
Layla feels Dad doesn’t spend enough time with her? He doesn’t come to any of my competitions anymore because she needs him. He missed a major hockey comp last week.
I need to make a hundred compromises but Layla of course will never have to do a single thing.
Dad used to be the only one on my side but now he’s too concerned about Layla’s allegation of favouritism to even ask how school went. I hate family counselling and I don’t want to go. But would I be the jerk if I refused?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But OP, you need an objective person on your side, or potentially able to see your perspective in the big picture here. Family therapy might be the way to get it and to gain an ally. It does sound like your sister is getting her way and dominating the home front.
To change that dynamic will take a lever like therapy and a new person in the mix. Have you tried family therapy before? You say you hate it, so maybe you have. Try it one more time, with a new therapist. Or if you can’t do it, then agree to see one individually.
You need the support and a second set of eyes on the situation. Hang in there, OP. Your dad, at least, is really there for you, except for this threat of her accusation; the family needs to see that for the power move it is, and learn to defuse it.” Euphoric_Travel2541
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but 100% go get yourself some individual therapy! Your school may have ways to help you do so if your parents won’t support you. Universal comment on therapists: It may take a few tries to find one that works for you. You also can’t expect a therapist who’s great for one set of issues or life period to always be great for you. Therapists are like shoes.
The right shoe has to fit, but it also has to be right for the activity! If you’re playing basketball, you want sneakers. If you’re attending a formal function, you need dress shoes… not sneaks! Don’t be afraid to try a few therapists to find one that’s right for you… and the issues you hope to address in therapy.
Good luck!” PicassosWunderCat
8. AITJ For Blowing Up At My Roommate For Having Late Night Guests Over?
“I live in a 4 bedroom 4 bathroom townhome with 3 other girls.
We all get along very well and hang out on occasion with each other. We have one roommate, Tia. Tia usually is never home very often as she takes herself and her dog to her partner’s and will be there most of the time. He is currently out of town so she has been home which kind of sucks.
Sometimes her being home is a massive disturbance. She’s loud when she walks and talks, she’s heavy handed so she slams doors, and she kept breaking our AC by leaving our patio door open to let her dog outside to bark at everyone. She also will sometimes use our dishes and not wash them.
Well, last night she texted me and asked if I’d be up late to hang out with her, I told her no because I work and had to be up at 5 am to start my 4 days in a row shifts of 12 hours and went to bed. I got woken up out of a dead sleep at 2:00 am by her dog barking at the top of his lungs and running back and forth, it startled me because everyone was already home and I wasn’t expecting visitors.
I checked my phone and saw she asked our group chat if “it was okay to have coworkers over and that she’ll clean up tomorrow.” Nobody responded because it was 2:00 am but she still had them over anyway. I texted her back in the group chat and told her to just keep it down because I had to be up in 3 hours and I was already woken up.
No response, and what preceded was her and her coworkers running up and down the stairs yelling and laughing. I texted her again and said hey I get it’s hard to be quiet because my room is the only one downstairs right next to the living room and our apartment is all wood but please be considerate.
No response, I text again about 30 minutes later when the noise didn’t die down a little bit more angry telling her to go outside on the patio with her coworkers or just cut it altogether because I still couldn’t go to sleep and could hear their conversations verbatim.
After another 15 minutes of that not working and me trying to drown out the noise I flew out of bed angry because now it has been an hour, stomped to the living room to which they all went quiet and started profusely apologizing for being loud.
I said nothing, grabbed a bottle of water, stormed back to my room, and slammed the door. They immediately left and after ranting to my sister about it, I finally went to bed. I feel like slamming my door may have been immature but I was EXHAUSTED watching the clock tick away knowing I have to be up soon.
I’m a nurse at a busy hospital so I need my sleep. I don’t want her to feel like she can’t have guests over and I want us to find a compromise. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What she did was clearly outside what anybody would consider to be acceptable.
You don’t mention it but it sounds to me if she’s having coworkers over at 2 am it is because they work at a bar. For them it’s “after work” and they don’t have to get up until noon or 4 pm or something. I’m sure with her partner out of town she figured it was a good time to host her coworkers.
None of this is an excuse, just trying to understand her thinking. Yes, you have to come up with a compromise. For starters, you don’t bring home guests on short notice without confirmation that it is OK. If you all have irregular schedules it’s hard to specify just “no weeknights.”” 1962Michael
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and if she is such an annoyance, you could talk with your other roommates about having a talk with her. If they share your opinion you might be able to convince her to change some of her behavior. But don’t confront her alone, you might become the bad guy if your other roommates don’t think her behavior is a problem and are more friendly with her.” Magician_In_Black
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk here. Your roommate’s behavior was extremely inconsiderate, especially given your early work shift and the fact that she knew you needed to sleep. It’s one thing to have guests over, but it’s another to be disruptive and loud at 3 am, especially in a shared living situation.
Your initial polite messages asking her to keep it down were reasonable, and when she ignored them, your frustration was completely justified. Slamming your door may have been a bit of an emotional reaction, but it’s understandable given the circumstances. It’s clear you were at the end of your rope after repeatedly trying to address the noise and being ignored. Moving forward, it’s important to have a conversation with your roommate about boundaries and mutual respect.
While it’s okay for her to have guests over, they should be respectful of everyone else living in the house, especially when it’s late at night. Hopefully, she’ll be more considerate in the future, but if not, it may be worth discussing some ground rules or finding a compromise that works for everyone’s schedules.” gimpetto
7. AITJ For Not Sharing My Casino Winnings With My Sister Who Suggested The Bet?
“I (29 M) and my sister (24 F) were on a cruise with our family.
Our step siblings (who we are not close with – there’s no animosity, we just never lived together as a family and were always 1000+ miles apart) and we killed time by going to the casino. Just playing video poker. Not winning or losing too much.
One evening, as we were leaving the casino, we were walking by the roulette table and my sister turned to me and said, “You should put funds down on 19.”
I don’t know what caused her to suggest this, but I shrugged and threw $5 on 19.
And it hit! As I was being given my $175, my sister immediately demanded half of it! She said since she gave me the idea, half of the winnings were rightfully hers.
I refused, saying that if she wanted to win, she should have risked her own funds.
After all, she wasn’t about to give me $2.50 if I lost.
This caused a HUGE fight between us, souring the rest of the trip. The rest of the family mostly stayed out of it, but it made things uncomfortable at times, which wasn’t cool particularly since we hardly see (or know) some of them.
I agree, that a nice gesture would have been to buy her a drink or something along those lines, but her immediate insistence that I give her half of the prize even prevented me from doing that. So… am I the jerk for not giving my sister anything?”
Another User Comments:
“When I was 20 and my brother was 21, we went to a place with gambling. He had nothing so I paid for his trip AND I gave him $20 to gamble with. Being underage, I didn’t join him and the others at the casino. He came back with a mega win of $1000 from the $20 I gave him.
He gave me only my $20 back. So, while I believe you are NTJ, I sympathize with your sister on the missing out of “the big win”. However, it wasn’t her win. You’re right though, a drink would have been appropriate.” arizonaraynebows
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
Your sister framed the bet. It wouldn’t have happened without her. You staked the bet. It wouldn’t have happened without you. I would hand over half the winnings (minus stake) without a second thought. Instead, you held back all of it, guaranteeing bad feelings, and wrecking a holiday.
For such a small amount too. I just don’t get that mindset.” DogStrummer
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You wouldn’t have won without your sister’s call. If it was a complete stranger I would understand completely and give them nothing but all this over $80 when you’re the older brother?
My sister wouldn’t have even needed to ask for half, on something like this it would’ve been automatic. Not because I’m some perfect human angel of a brother but because it is the right thing to do and the kind of world I want to exist in.
Even if she made more than me I’d still do it, based on age not gender you probably do make more though than her as well like really? It’s your younger sister for God’s sake and you’re almost 30 yet acting like you’re 18 arguing over $80 that you only won because of her luck.
If you’re arguing over such a small amount now what are you gonna do when you have to split the parents’ estate?” Powerisinthepresent
6. AITJ For Not Telling My Stepmom That My Bio Mom Will Attend My Competition?
“So I, 16M have 5 siblings from 2 different families. I’m the youngest of four in my dad and stepmum’s (Anna) house and the older one in my mum and stepdad’s house. So, big family. My dad was unfaithful to my stepmum with my bio mum.
Why they didn’t divorce, I don’t know. My mum was not aware that dad was married but my stepmum still hates her. And me.
My dad has primary custody and I live at his house most of the time. Anyway, I have a competition coming up that I want my dad at, and my mum is coming as well.
My dad agreed immediately. Yesterday I mentioned in front of Anna that I was happy to have both my parents at my comp. My stepmum immediately started screaming and I’ll admit, I ran away to my room to let my dad deal with it. Anyway, my stepmum is calling me a ‘deceitful little jerk’ for not telling her my mum would also be there and my oldest brother told me I’m a jerk because I should know how Anna would feel about this.
But, honestly, their issues are none of my business. All I want is a nice day where I get to have both of my parents and probably my stepdad (who does actually like me) get to watch me swim (and hopefully win). If Anna trusts Dad so little (with good reason, admittedly) why don’t they just divorce?
It’s not my fault. But maybe I should have let her know, 2 of my siblings (on Dad’s side) are giving me the cold shoulder so maybe. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You get to invite anyone you want. If the supposed adults can’t handle it, that’s not on you.
I feel you must be exhausted by navigating this maze of family. Do you have grandparents, aunts, or uncles you can rely on as a sounding board or just a place to go for peace? Good luck and I wish you some well-deserved clarity and peace in your complicated parental relationships.
BTW your parents need to grow up and start acting like responsible adults for you and all your sibling relations.” InstructionTop4805
Another User Comments:
“Normally I do not comment on these posts, but this one hit me, hard. You are still a kid – I know you’re 16, but you are still a kid.
This sounds like trauma that you have had all your life. This will go on and on, regardless of what happens. Your stepmom takes out her dad’s unfaithfulness on her on you? That is not your fault. Period. The fact that she does make it your fault is rude, and condescending, and will cause serious emotional trauma that will take years of therapy later in life.
All I will say is this. I would love it if you went to them and said “Anna, I’m sorry I’m the product of Dad being unfaithful to you, but how about you take it out on him instead of me like you have done all my life.
It’s not like I chose to exist. Plus, you better be paying for all the therapy I need from the trauma of how you treated me. And Dad, how about you stand up for your kid instead of allowing her to treat me like trash.
I’m going to mom’s, and until you two can get your act together, I don’t want either of you at my competition.” And even after that, you would still be NTJ.” lost_puppy_38
Another User Comments:
“Simply tell your stepmother the following: “Look, I’m 16 years old, I’m not an adult, you are, and so are my parents.
You have no right to treat me the way you do, and if you insist and my father doesn’t do anything about it, I will take action, for example, by reporting your behavior at school. Are you willing to risk a CPS visit? This is your last chance to realize that it is not my mother’s fault that my father did not tell her that he was married and that it is not my fault that I was born, if you are not capable of it, face the consequences.”” SaxoSad
5. AITJ For Snapping At My Fiancé For Constantly Getting Tasks Wrong?
“I am a SAHM of 3… my fiancé works Monday through Friday at his regular job where he has to go to different restaurants/establishments to drop off things. He’s given free food from said places every day. (He’s always telling me what he was given for free so I know it’s literally at least 4 out of 5 days he goes to this job.) I barely get to eat during the day because the kids never let me get a minute to myself.
As soon as I even think about eating, one of my kids starts crying or needing me.
Today I asked him to get a specific type of chicken out of the deep freezer and put it to defrost so I can cook dinner. After about an hour or so of the chicken defrosting, I go to the kitchen to see if it’s ready to be seasoned and cooked & it’s the wrong type of chicken.
After I specifically told him which ones to get out. My whole mood is thrown off – I don’t even want to cook anymore & he wants to know why I have an attitude. I just feel like he does certain things on purpose.
Weaponized incompetence???? Like why can’t he do anything the right way the first time I ask? Why do I feel like I can’t even ask him to do a simple favor like taking specific meat out of the freezer without having to hover over him to make sure he’s doing what I actually asked and not what he “thought he heard.”
Am I the jerk for snapping at him when he tried to act like it was no big deal? To me, it is a big deal because it’s every single time I ask him to help me do anything I feel like he purposely does the task wrong.
The point of me bringing up that he gets free food all day is because I don’t think he understands how hungry I actually am when he gets home & I actually get a chance to eat because he gets to eat all day at work without kids interrupting his meals.
So when I want something specific I want that & that only. So AITJ?
For those who will say I could’ve gotten it out myself – yes you’re right I should’ve gotten it out myself earlier in the day – but it slipped my mind dealing with the kids & I was busy with the kids when I asked him to get the chicken from the freezer.”
Another User Comments:
“I’m going against everyone NTJ because you stated this happens every single time, so I understand finally snapping. Although yes, you should have time for yourself to eat, and “ignore” your kids. But then again, no one should tell you how to parent.” nsm444
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for not taking care of yourself during the day and blaming that on your partner. Let your kids whine while you eat. They will be fine. Let them learn to be patient unless they need an emergency room or have another pressing need. Needing more water or juice…they can wait.
A diaper change? Can wait for five minutes while you eat something. As far as this goes, you have to learn to roll with it. You are disappointed about the defrosted chicken. Okay. Move on. Or order takeout.” sheramom4
Another User Comments:
“Is everyone missing the fact that OP is asking for the bare minimum and the fiance is still messing up?
It’s like he doesn’t care enough to help at all. Just because one person can have 6 kids and be fine with no help doesn’t mean the person with one kid can’t struggle. Kids are all different. Plus everyone is calling OP a jerk for “not eating all day” but she said she barely eats anything, so she is eating, just not as much as she should, and that’s not even the question she’s asking about.
Y’all are so ready to attack a stay-at-home mom who’s struggling and defend her fiance who seems to be doing jack for the kids. We need more info with more examples if this is actually weaponized incompetence or if OP just blew up over something that barely happens.” emileeavi
I can't say anyone sucks here. But another commenter is correct... unless it's an emergency, anything your kids need "in that moment" can wait for 10 minutes until you eat a sandwich or something. If you immediately jump every time they beckon, it'll only get worse as they get older. They'll expect you to stop whatever you're doing whenever they snap their fingers. Is that how you want your sons to behave to their partners? Is that what you would tell a daughter to expect in a relationship or as a mom?
You deserve a meal during the day. Just curious... why isn't lunchtime a thing you do WITH the kids? Then everyone gets a meal AND a few minutes to just sit and be together. Just a suggestion
4. AITJ For Insisting My Gardener Pay For A Professional Door Repair After His Accident?
“My gardener’s crew were using a weed eater to trim my back lawn. At some point, they kicked up a small rock, which obliterated the outer glass of my sliding door. He apologized profusely and offered to pay for the damage.
I researched glass replacement and found that both panels need to be replaced, and nitrogen inserted between them so the door doesn’t fog up or get moldy.
I contacted several glass contractors and took the lowest reasonable bid.
My gardener protested. He said no no, his brother-in-law is very handy, and can slap a piece of glass on there for almost nothing. I insisted we use a licensed contractor. He wasn’t happy but knew he was on the hook.
Now, I can afford replacement much better than my gardener can. He’s a working-class businessman trying to make a living. And yet I insisted on a $1200 expenditure, which he can ill afford.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This exact scenario happened to us and the lawn care company 1.
Cleaned it all up 2. Paid for a whole new sliding door and all related costs which we worked with the window company to choose. Accidents happen and they were awesome and took accountability. Does the company you’re working with have insurance for this type of thing?
I would be nervous about going the brother-in-law route and then what if further issues arise? I’d rather just know it’s done right and we can all move on the first time.” whyrusoloud
Another User Comments:
“Sometimes it’s cheaper (and more convenient) to buy a new door than to get it repaired. I hope you didn’t just settle for the first person you called since window and door places can charge wildly different prices.
Needing a contractor for the installation seems over the top to me as long as the door is replaced or repaired by someone reputable. They pretty much pop in and out.” fand0me
Another User Comments:
“If your gardener had to double his cost to you to buy insurance would you pay the increase?
If he’s a small crew of 2-3 people, meaning he’s paying 2 people let’s call it $4K/month total, insurance is going to double his overhead. YTJ because the kind of thing that happened wasn’t negligent, and pretty good chance it could have happened to you, or anyone else because it was a random event.
You can also claim it on your homeowners if you really care. All the folks saying you aren’t don’t understand the economics of why you’re paying a gardener $200-400/month and now just crushed his entire profit on you for a year.
A profit that pays his full salary. Finding good help that won’t steal, crush your flowers, etc. is worth way more than $1200.” JaydedXoX
3. AITJ For Letting The Rice Burn When I Was Forced To Cook For Others?
“My mom made stew today so I (16F) wanted to eat rice. I had been upstairs the whole time so I simply came downstairs, boiled 1 cup of rice, and went on my way. My mom and dad were upset that I only made for myself when I “know that others wanted as well.”
The thing is that I like cooking and so many times I have cooked for the family only for them to waste it, not like it, want to eat something else, or be judgemental even if they do like it. And they never help and leave me to clean up too.
So I’ve expressed multiple times that I hate cooking for them and just want to enjoy one serving of delicious food by myself. I don’t have problems with cooking for them if they ask first though.
Anyway, my dad said to make 2 more cups so I put it and set a 15-minute timer.
But I guess I didn’t put enough water because it started burning, then my dad started ripping into me saying “you put it here and left it for who to eat, your father?” I wanted to say well maybe get off your golf-watching behind and check it yourself, or ask my brother (17M) who it was also for to come and watch it.
I ended up saying “you were the one who told me to do it” but then I said never mind because I could tell he’d start yelling seriously if I kept talking.
AITJ for letting the rice burn when it wasn’t even for me?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. At 16, you should know better than to leave food cooking unattended. If you’d been paying attention, you would have noticed that the water level was low and you could have added more. Cooking the rice was your task (whether it was fair or not that it was assigned to you), and you had no reason to expect that someone else would take it over for you.
You could have started a fire with that nonsense. Now, should you have been given the task of cooking rice for others? Maybe, maybe not. It would have been more considerate for you to ask if anyone else wanted some since you were cooking anyway.” InappropriateAccess
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You ate stew made for the entire family and supplemented it with rice you made just for yourself. Ok, based on your description, maybe I could let that go. Then you were told to make rice for everyone else, and somehow, suspiciously, THAT was the time you burned it?
Accidentally? I mean, c’mon. You were upset that they told you to cook more rice, so you passive-aggressively let it burn, then disingenuously pretended that it was some sort of an accident. This is a lot of drama about nothing, but you’re young, so I get it.” Trick_Photograph9758
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It was a little thoughtless to make rice only for yourself after your mother cooked a stew for the whole family. At the bare minimum, you should have asked her if she wanted some. At that point, it’s likely she would have asked you to put on enough for everyone else as well.
Given that she cooked the stew you were planning to eat that would be the polite thing to do. It wouldn’t have taken any more effort but you let past experience trigger you into being selfish.
“I don’t have problems with cooking for them if they ask first though.” You didn’t give her the chance to ask, you just thought of yourself and went on your way.
That’s the first part of what makes YTJ. You didn’t make more out of petulance. Then to top it all off you burnt it. You didn’t cook it for them, you put it on the stovetop and walked away. Yes it was an accident. I get that.
But “I’m only going to make enough for myself, and when asked to make more because my act was a bit selfish, I’m going to walk away and forget about it and risk a kitchen fire.”
“AITJ for letting the rice burn when it wasn’t even for me?” Yes.
You risked your family’s safety by leaving the kitchen. Don’t do that again.” TrashPandaLJTAR
2. AITJ For Not Paying My Brother After He Criticized My Parenting Skills?
“I (26M) have 3 kids under 5 (4F, 4F, and 2M) with a 4th kid on its way. Before we had kids, my wife and I had lots of ideas about the parents we were going to be and we had lots of scorn for people who parented in ways we disagreed with but, as any parent knows, actually raising kids is hard work and you will break your “values”.
My brother (22M) is pursuing a psychology degree, with a few modules on child psychology and development. He regularly tells me that he thinks “iPad kids” are spoiled brats who will struggle developmentally and they are the spawn of lazy, negligent parents.
I wouldn’t say my kids are iPad kids but they do have an iPad between the 3 of them and more screen time that I would ideally like but sometimes that’s the way it goes.
My brother also disapproves of the fact we give our kids sweets as bribes (occasionally) and have lied to our kids. Every time he tells me his views on parenting I just laugh and tell him to try being a parent, then I’ll take his advice.
Recently, due to an emergency, my wife and I needed a babysitter for a whole day so I called my brother because, despite his judgment, he is actually very good with our kids.
When we got home in the evening the kids were in bed having had dinner and we thanked him profusely.
He very earnestly told us that, now he had experienced being a parent, he realized that not letting your kids use screens was very easy and they hadn’t watched TV or used their iPad in the 12 hours he’d been there. He also said he’d calmed their fears (they had been aware of the emergency a little bit), read to them, not had to bribe them to do anything with sweets, and dealt with very calm relaxed children, as opposed to the “brats” they normally are when they’re with me (his words).
He gave us a 20-minute lecture about our bad parenting and now that he was in a position to give advice he was going to give it.
We’d been planning on giving him £200 to thank him for doing this for us on short notice and looking after the kids for so long but we sent him on his way without any pay.
The next day I called him up to tell him I thought his behavior was incredibly inappropriate, that I appreciated him looking after the kids but it was better he didn’t see them for a while, and that him springing that all on us especially after a day of stress showed how immature he really was.
I told him that he actually didn’t know anything about parenting because he wasn’t a parent. I concede I may have gone too far but my mum called me up later to tell me my brother was crying and she called me a jerk because he was just trying to help and apparently I’m a bad parent for dealing with people’s kindness so rudely.
My brother and parents are upset with me and not talking to me so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, you only very slightly and only for this phrase “I told him that he actually didn’t know anything about parenting because he wasn’t a parent.” Because I know it isn’t categorically true.
I’m a parent to a 3-year-old and I have a psychology degree focusing on child psychology so I see both sides of this. Do I know what studies say about what’s best for raising children? Yeah, do I sometimes go against those studies? Of course.
The main thing is I do my best, and I’m sure you do too. He shouldn’t be forcing advice and commentary on your parenting, especially when he should know from a psychological standpoint that children are better behaved with close adults that aren’t parents, and definitely not after the day you’d had, nor for 20 minutes.
I also don’t necessarily agree with you limiting contact between him and the kids, although I do understand why, the more he spends with children the more he will see that they are more than what is in his textbooks. It’s not your responsibility to educate him in any way and don’t feel like you have to, but if you want to improve the relationship then it needs to start with a conversation where you do the talking about your children’s behavior and why you specifically do the things you do.” Competitive_Delay865
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk, yeah sure maybe he could have been more gentle in the way he told you but he’s right and I think that’s what made you upset more than anything. If you have to “bribe” your kids to listen to you then you have a problem, you shouldn’t have 4 kids if you don’t know how to take of them without having to “bribe” them to listen to you.” jenna_leee
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk. So you two, as in your wife and you, have a “lot of scorn” for people raising kids in a way you disagree with. But it’s also okay if you make those decisions you judge others for, because poor little you it’s so hard, it’s different when you do it!
Meanwhile, you go off the handle and withhold money from someone criticizing you for those same parenting decisions, very fairly mind you, in a similar fashion? And after they did you a massive favor, too? You’re hypocrites and the jerks for sure.” corvidfamiliar
1. AITJ For Allowing My SIL's Newborn At My Child-Free Wedding But Not My Friend's Baby?
“I (F29) am getting married in a week. My fiancé and I have chosen to have a child-free wedding, with no one under the age of 12 being invited to attend.
This impacted a few people but no one really raised many issues with it, my friend ‘Lisa’ (F28) has a 6-month-old son and has organized to have her mother babysit.
My soon-to-be sister-in-law is pregnant, due a couple of weeks after our wedding. Well, she isn’t pregnant anymore, she has just had her baby.
She still wants to attend, and we want her to come as well, so we are bending the rules and allowing her to bring along the baby.
Lisa saw the social media announcement and called me to have a ‘random’ chat, which very quickly turned into her pestering me about my sister-in-law and the wedding.
When I mentioned that she was still coming, she acted all confused and asked about the baby. I didn’t think much of it and told her the truth.
She got pretty miffed and started asking if she could bring her son too. I said no, that we still want a mostly child-free wedding and my sister-in-law is a close family exception.
She is now calling me a jerk, saying that I’m playing favorites and that I should be more accommodating to all new mothers.
She wasn’t happy about the child-free wedding to begin with but came around to it and settled on her mother babysitting. But now my sister-in-law is bringing her newborn, she is really upset and a few of our shared friends have sent messages asking why I can’t just accommodate her the same way I’m accommodating my sister-in-law.
That it’s still only one more baby.
I thought it would be obvious why I’m going to let my sister-in-law bring her week-old newborn to the wedding, but I don’t know much about babies. Am I missing something? Am I being the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I got married last year and it was totally child-free. Our only exception was newborns or exclusively breastfed babies. One guest declined because she didn’t want to bring her newborn to a wedding. Totally fine and understandable. Another guest had an 8-ish-month-old and was happy to have a night away, but left a little early to get back to the babysitter.
Again, totally fine and understandable. Your guest has childcare. She was fine leaving them before. If it would be better to decline for the child’s best interest, so sorry. We’ll have to get dinner soon! The decision is final. You’ve said your answer.
Let her know you have a lot of other things going on and can’t discuss this any further. Enjoy your wedding!” Sometimesitsamonkey
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wedding, your rules. Newborns cannot be away from their mothers for as long as a six-month-old baby can.
Lisa knows this. And the fact that she is giving you trouble and making your wedding about her sucks. Six-month-old babies cry a lot more loudly than newborns. Trust me. Newborn lung power is not the same as six-month-old lung power. Plus you don’t need a good reason.
You don’t need any reason. Your reasons are good enough, it’s your event. The fact that she was able to get childcare and only cared once somebody else got to bring their baby says it all. This isn’t about what she’s capable of doing, it’s about her idea of what’s fair.
And life ain’t fair Lisa.” FindAriadne
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am quite curious why your sister-in-law would want to risk bringing a week-old baby to a wedding. I would be mainly concerned about that being the married couple. Babies should not be out and around a mass amount of individuals until after a period of time with proper checkups.
I know she wants to see her brother get married, it just seems irresponsible. I hope that you have a secure and separated section for her and baby throughout the entire wedding and make sure that she adheres to that protocol. The next thing you know something happens to the child and your husband and you are blamed for it.
To the other part, if you are fine with people having an issue with you or not then your wedding, your rules.” relaxingbby
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