People Are Curious About Our Perspective On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
24. AITJ For Removing Our Bedroom Lock?
“My husband stays up late at night and has to wake up early to go to work.
So when he gets home at 5, he has to get his 2-hour nap so he could both make up for lack of sleep and also be ready to stay up late to play with his console.
He values his sleep and has one rule in the house that he enforces strictly, which is to not be interrupted while sleeping.
He literally put a sign on the bedroom door saying ‘DO. NOT. WAKE. ME. UP’ under any circumstances, just no, unless someone’s hurt or dead though; in this case he said he still wouldn’t be of much help anyway. The kids and I would sometimes wake him up but for serious reasons.
He got mad and started locking the door. I get no access to the room for 2 hours but that’s not the main problem.
This past Tuesday, my 3-year-old son had a hot oil spill on his hand while his 14-year-old sister was cooking, I heard him scream and saw that the oil was covering his hand and half of his arm, I brought the first aid kit but he was in so much pain and his skin looked really bad.
I rushed to wake my husband up, I kept knocking but got no response so I tried to open it but it was locked. I spent a while between knocking on the door (he had his phone turned off) and getting dressed after my daughter asked the neighbor to drive us to the hospital. I couldn’t waste more time cause my son was crying.
The neighbor took us to the hospital and I couldn’t help but feel livid the whole time. We got home and my husband was pacing around asking where we were and why I didn’t answer his texts. I blew up on him after I showed him our son’s injury and told him that I pounded on the door to wake him up but he said he had his earbuds on and didn’t hear a thing.
I called him reckless and neglectful for ignoring a family emergency. He said I could say the same thing about myself for leaving our son unsupervised and causing him to get a burn.
I stopped arguing and went to remove the bedroom door lock, he started yelling at me saying I had no right.
I refused to respond I just walked off to calm down. He didn’t stop complaining calling me bossy and saying that by removing the lock I’ve destroyed his peace and quiet and caused him sleep deprivation. He’s insisting I put it back but I refused.
I could be wrong for what I’ve done but I was frustrated and mad.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“He says ‘By removing the lock I’ve destroyed his peace and quiet.’
No, having kids did that. That’s part of being a parent. Too bad for him. You are NTJ.
If he absolutely must lock the door, make it one you can open in an emergency.
A key or a combination. Though I think having a door he can lock his wife out of is a weird thing to insist upon, sleep or not.” MadamMarshmallows
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
And it’s important to note that you had to get help from a neighbor because your husband was being actively useless.
He showed you what you can expect in an emergency situation, (thank goodness it wasn’t even more serious) and that is nothing. Absolutely no help or support. None. Just whining about his sleep, whining about his games, whining about his privacy.
How is he improving your life, sis? Like for real?” CeliaBrooke
23. AITJ For Being Angry At My Brother And His Wife For Using My Donated Sperm To Bear A Child?
“A while back I (27M) donated sperm to make some income.
Guessing you know where this is going.
Months ago my brother ‘Chris’ and his wife ‘Janette’ talked to me about their decision to have a baby by using artificial insemination. My brother has problems with fertility. They did treatment for 2 years. Then they decided on adoption when that didn’t work.
Then the parents changed their minds and kept the baby. Basically, they’ve been through it and just want to have a baby.
They found out I’m a donor because they looked on the same site. None of my personal info is on it except for a childhood picture of me and some vague info about what I studied in school and stuff.
But obviously, Chris recognized me. And they both sat me down pretty much to ask for my blessing about using my sperm. I said no. There’s no way I’d be comfortable with something like that. Yeah, I donated sperm because I needed income but any child born from that would never be part of my personal life.
Not at least for like 18 years or even if they don’t reach out.
I’d see this kid constantly because our family gets together almost 2-3 times a month. My brother lives 5 minutes from me. And then I said it’s just plain weird for my own SIL to be injected with MY sperm, and carry a kid that’s biologically mine.
Then one day that kid finds out their uncle is their biological father. Just… no. They were put off by my answer. But never brought it up again so I thought that was it.
Months later they announced they were pregnant. Everyone knows they used a donor. What none of us knew is that they still went with using MINE.
My brother was distant for a while until he came out and told me the truth because he was starting to feel bad and the baby was going to be here soon.
I felt a rush of so many emotions but most of all I was angry. And yeah I did call them selfish and crazy because they didn’t consider how this would affect the child when they found out about their biological dad.
How would that affect them mentally? And also what it would do to my seeing my biological child all the time. How that would mess with my mind. SIL was crying, my brother got mad at me for insulting them after everything they’ve gone through.
My parents know everything now and they’re involved. First, they are pretty upset with my brother for going along knowing they didn’t have my okay.
But they think I didn’t have a right to judge who they are as parents. My brother especially thinks I’m a jerk because it’s not my place to decide who they used as a donor since I’m the one who donated in the first place.
They are right I don’t have a right to decide what they do.
It’s just so bizarre and I’m feeling a lot. But does it make me a jerk for still basically insulting them as parents?”
Another User Comments:
“This is a tough one. Technically, once you donated your sperm you had no right to say who got to use it, family or not.
If he had just done it without asking you, then you really would have no right to complain. When your brother asked your permission, however, he opened the door to you voicing your opinion. If he was not going to respect your decision, he never should have asked you at all.
For him to go behind your back and do it anyway once you said no definitely makes him the jerk here, and you are NTJ.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Yes, you did donate your sperm to be used by any candidate, but that doesn’t change the fact that they explicitly went against your permission.
They asked, and you said no, and that should have been the end of it. You have every right to be upset, they completely went behind your back. It is definitely a weird situation, and you have every right to be uncomfortable since you clearly denied them using your sperm.
I am so sorry, and I hope everything will get better. Maybe it will work out in the end, but for now, do not feel bad about feeling violated because you have every right to feel like that.” lesbianmomfriend
22. AITJ For Not Wanting To Spend A Lot On A Vacation?
“I (F31) am planning a trip to Europe to visit my sister. I asked my husband, Tommy, (M35) if he wanted to come. He said he couldn’t afford it right now. I could tell he had an attitude about me going without him, and he even told me that he felt like travel was ‘our thing’ and it felt weird that I would go somewhere without him.
He said he realized that wasn’t a justified reaction and that he was working on himself, but he wanted to be honest with me.
A few weeks later I told him I’d be happy to pay for the whole trip. He was stoked.
I started looking at tickets and everything was expensive.
Just the plane tickets were $1700 a piece. I was still ok with it though. He asked what kind of seats we got and I told him regular economy. He wanted economy plus or business, but I told him I couldn’t afford $3000 per ticket (just for economy plus), but I get that he’s 6’3 and has chronic pain, so if he wanted a better seat, he could pay the $1300 difference for his ticket.
We travel all the time and I am fine sitting by myself.
He said he didn’t have the budget for it so I asked him how many credit card points he had. He said he had 120,000 points. That would just about cover the difference. However, he said he was saving them to take a trip by himself.
So, I said that was fine and assumed he would be ok with the economy ticket.
I started looking for Airbnbs and find a killer deal on a freshly renovated place in a great area. He decides he likes another apartment that costs 4x more. I honestly don’t think it is as nice – the bedsheets are gray.
I told him I didn’t want to spend the extra funds because I didn’t think it was nicer and I wanted to save where I could.
And he lost it. Went off on me that he ‘paid hundreds of thousands of dollars for years to go on trips but when it was my money I budgeted.’
Important to the story to note that I got a really good job last year. In the past, he has expressed insecurity about it because I’m not financially dependent on him anymore.
That said, in 9 years together, I’ve always worked, contributed to vacations, found crazy cheap travel deals ($600 to New Zealand, $500 to Tunisia, etc), and I’ve done 90% of the cooking.
He’s not my sugar daddy. We also have completely separate finances.
It turned into a huge blow-up. I told him I wasn’t responsible to budget with his money, I was trying to do a nice thing, and he was being really selfish.
We barely spoke for a week. A few days ago he said he still wants to go and he would like to help pay for it.
I told him no and that I’m going to see my sister without him.
Stuff has been bad since then. I told him he needs to go to therapy because his actions and attitudes were not ok. He refuses therapy and says he is working on himself in his own way.
We’re at a stalemate.
Now I’m wondering if I’m off base for not being sensitive to his need for a bigger seat, and for going without him. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband is, though. You need a break from this guy. Go on this trip yourself without him.
Forget paying for any of it for him. Tell him you are both having a long talk and going to couples therapy when you return.” Winter-Travel5749
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He sounds pretty selfish. You offered to pay for his ticket. He could have used points for a seat upgrade but says he’s saving those for a trip by himself.
Then he gets mad because you’re not letting him spend your money on unnecessary lodging upgrades. Now he’s furious because you’re going on the trip yourself?” AdEmpty4390
21. AITJ For Calling My Fiancé A Hypocrite For Uninviting My Stepsisters From Our Wedding?
“I (f25) am getting married to my fiance next month, We’ve had no issues with the wedding planning except the ‘guest list.’
Context: I have a large family, I have 2 stepsisters (18, 20) and a biological brother (27), and also a biological sister (30). My fiance argued that the guest list should be cut short and suggested I only invite my ‘immediate family’, I asked him to elaborate and he suggested excluding my stepsisters. I said no and got upset with him for implying that they’re not family, he said ‘Well, this wasn’t what I meant.
I was just speaking from a technical angle’, especially since I didn’t include them in the wedding party like maid of honor and bridesmaids. So he thought they were ‘unneeded’ but I said they are wanted, and will always be wanted and included by me.
Well, days ago, my stepsisters called saying my fiancé canceled their invitations and told them some lie about changing the wedding location and telling them they won’t be able to come.
I was fuming, I went home and started screaming at him, He asked that I hear him out then explained he had no choice since we were required to shorten the list, and he just did my ‘dirty work for me’ since I obviously was looking at the situation from an ’emotional angle’ and couldn’t bring myself to disinvite my stepsisters myself.
I called him a hypocrite cause he invited almost 6 of his friends who, as far as I know, aren’t immediate family. I told him he hurt my stepsisters by going behind my back and excluding them from my wedding which they’ve been so excited about. He got up from the couch and yelled that it was our wedding so my stepsisters’ feelings aren’t really that relevant compared to HIS and called me controlling for wanting my way or the highway.
He took his phone and stormed out to see his friends.
Some of his friends called to ‘scold’ me for how I’m treating ‘their brother’ and then went on about how rude I was to suggest that ‘their brother’ disinvite them from the wedding just because I don’t like them and called it a ‘you problem’.
My FMIL called and is wanting to speak to me, he probably told her what’s going on and she is probably going to ask that I apologize for yelling.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It sounds like he’s the issue here for implying that those you consider to be your immediate family are ‘unneeded’.
He also then canceled their invitations without asking you how you felt about that. Even though you made your stance perfectly clear?
Has he cut off any of his immediate relatives or has he simply decided yours are more expendable?
He then called you controlling… when he went behind your back to uninvite your immediate family?
He sounds like a nightmare.
Then his friends started scolding you? That’s a lot of red flags. Do any of them have any respect for you?
And now he’s trying to get his mum to ring you to put additional pressure on? There are so many issues here.
Do not apologize to any of them. He removed your immediate family without considering your feelings and is wholly in the wrong for that.” SeekingBeskar
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
WOW. Just wow. Girl, run. Do not marry this man. He doesn’t even grasp the basics of family. Is this the kind of father you want for your kids?
And his friends calling to berate you? The ‘friends’ he’s surrounded himself with also don’t seem to understand family. How dare he include them. How dare he ask them to call you. How dare they think they have any authority to tell you who gets to witness YOUR commitment to another human being.
This is your family, but he is not getting that. Uninviting your stepsisters behind your back is not only immature (he seems to have no ability to confront conflict), inappropriate (he kept you out of a decision – passive-aggressive red flags everywhere!), and frankly sinister (this is an important milestone in a person’s life – an event so steeped in emotion that the memory will be seared into your brain, and the fact he can’t understand you’d want to share it with your full family and have that memory of them witnessing and supporting your happiness, is deeply concerning behavior).
Don’t expect your marriage to be any different. He just showed you who he really is and he doesn’t even see part of your family as family. I’m so sorry. It will be messy to cancel, but don’t let that stop you.” sionnachglic
20. AITJ For Not Telling My Husband To Apologize To My Mom For Embarrassing Her At Family Dinner?
“So, I (f31) recently got married to my husband Scott (m36). Before I met him I was engaged to my former fiance Martin, but we broke it off because this relationship was sort of pushed by my family because he’s a doctor and comes from a wealthy family.
When our relationship ended Mom was devastated. She did her best to bring us back together. For example, she lied to Martin about me being pregnant to save ‘us’. That was years ago now we’re all on good terms including Martin. Mom has a bit of tension towards Scott, she treats him well but constantly makes passive, nagging comments about him.
She compares him to Martin all the time which bothers both of us but we try to let it slide.
Mom kept telling Scott about the diamond ring, new car, and bank account Martin got for his fiancee and kept sending him photos saying how generous Martin is to his fiancee and compared him to Scott and what he had done for me.
I told her to stop doing this and she apologized.
Last week, we were over at my parents’ house for a social gathering, a lot of relatives came and we had dinner. At the dinner table Mom asked Scott if he saw the text she sent him the other day, he said he was sorry and that he didn’t notice.
She told him to check it right then and read it out loud so everyone at the table could hear. He took his phone and started reading the text out loud.
Her text mentioned how Martin got his fiancee a new house and how generous he was, then said that Martin is younger than Scott, yet was able to buy a house.
Basically shaming Scott for his inability to buy a house. She wrapped up by saying that Martin maybe wasn’t so bad for me after all. I was shocked and Scott was mad obviously, however, he didn’t lash out or anything he looked at the text, smiled, and said ‘You know what gets me about this entire text is how you were a public educator for 30 years, yet you can’t differentiate between the passive ‘you’ and the contraction ‘you’re’, Good God!
The thought of all the children that must’ve been left behind!’
Everyone at the table busted into laughter and mom’s face went pale. She decided to leave the table then she and my sister started yelling at me saying Scott was being awfully rude and I need to get him to apologize immediately for embarrassing Mom at the table.
I refused to tell him to apologize then pointed out how she was being judgemental towards him, she defended herself saying she was just letting him know and he had no confidence and took it personally. I left but kept getting told to talk to him and get him to apologize for what he did.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
WHY ARE YOU LETTING YOUR MOM TREAT YOUR HUSBAND THIS WAY?
Yes, your husband handled it like a champ, but grow a freaking spine and tell your mom in no uncertain terms to cut that crap out.” asdferdfas
Another User Comments:
“Why? I have to say, YTJ for brushing your mom’s behavior to the side, stop being around that type of nastiness, if I were your husband, I would have put my foot down, no more of your mom’s visits, if she comes over, and no more visiting, if you want to go, go alone…you obviously haven’t done enough to put your mom in her place, if the tables were turned, you would want to be defended against your inlaws.” ShelyChelle
19. AITJ For Being Angry At My Husband's Friend And Wanting To Ask Him To Buy HIs Own Suitcase?
“My husband (M26) and I (F28) booked a trip across the country with my husband’s friend ‘Tom (M29) and three other people. We booked on a budget airline where they charge you per checked bag, so to save funds we all decided to share three bags amongst the 6 of us.
Tom and his wife put some of their things in my and my husband’s bag, as well as our other two friends’ bag, and the third bag was used to transport camera equipment.
We made it to our destination a few hours ago and upon landing, Tom started laughing and informed the group that he had smuggled illegal stuff in MY AND MY HUSBAND’S BAG!
I was absolutely stunned at this. My husband and I are foster parents, so any blips on our record could lose us our license, not to mention I need a clean record in order to have my career, AND the absolute headache it could have caused trying to ensure that my husband and I didn’t take the fall for it at the airport if he was caught.
We could have been flagged forever every time we fly even if Tom had fessed up and taken responsibility.
I told Tom how not cool that was and basically ignored him the rest of the night. Our other friends are trying to downplay it like it’s not a big deal, and Tom hasn’t even apologized let alone seems to grasp the absolute stupidity of what he did.
My husband is also irritated by what his friend did but doesn’t want to sour the trip as we have to spend the next 7 days with them still. I plan on telling him he can buy his own suitcase for the flight back, but my husband thinks this is an overreaction and my anger is disproportionate.
I cannot possibly be the jerk here can I?”
Another User Comments:
“So let me get this straight. Tom smuggled illegal stuff in your bag, which, if caught, could ruin your life while he’d get off scot-free (because I have a really hard time believing he would have fessed up if you got caught), and your friends don’t think that’s a big deal?
You are 100% NTJ, OP. You’re not overreacting (if anything, I’d say you’re letting him off easy), and you need better friends.” ChildOfRagnarok
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Toss substances and have him buy his own suitcase.
Now you know why they ask if anyone had helped pack your bag because plenty of people are sitting in jail for that.
I think if you had been arrested the trip would have soured. He risked your livelihood, goals, and dreams.
NTJ. I would be mad too.” Yeppie123
And the massive @*****e thought it was FUNNY?!?!?
Girl, you and your husband need to seek a better class of friend. I would ghost the b*****d, vacation protocol be jerked, and Tom wouldn't so much as be able to LOOK at my luggage without me coming down on him like white on rice. You are NOT overreacting, this IS a hill to die on, and if others don't see that, tough.
18. AITJ For Not Supporting My Brother's Engagement To My High School Bully?
“When my (27F) brother ‘Andrew’ (28M) was a teenager, he became addicted to substances. Andrew had to have surgery, which is how he got addicted – it wasn’t his fault and I have never said nor believed otherwise. He struggled at rock bottom for almost a decade. Fortunately, Andrew has been clean for two years now.
He holds a steady job and his life is going well.
At the same time in my teens, I was bullied by a girl ‘Riley’ all throughout high school. She and her friends would follow me around at school, name-calling me and constantly spreading rumors about me. And I’m still not sure why.
A lot of kids joined in the rumors and bullying or at least shunned me. Even some previous friends of mine turned their backs on me. Anytime I told the school, Riley and her friends would deny it. I eventually stopped speaking up because the school never believed me over Riley.
Riley’s bullying made me so anxious that I was afraid to go to school. Thankfully, Riley graduated a year before me and my last year of high school was pretty laid-back. But I still do have depression from how I was treated and the fact that the school and my ex-friends didn’t care enough to do anything.
A few months ago Andrew wanted to introduce us all to his new partner because he said things were getting serious and he planned to marry her. We arrive at his house for the meet-the-family dinner, and his partner is Riley. Riley pretended not to know me. I confronted her, then she said ‘Oh yeah, Samantha!’ and said how we were friends in high school.
She started coming to almost every family gathering, and whenever people were paying attention, Riley would be overly friendly while maintaining we were high school besties. I told her that we were not friends at all, and brought up the multitude of demeaning names she would call me or the rumors she spread.
Riley would claim ‘I don’t remember it like that!’ or that it was just ‘friendly teasing.’ Riley never ONCE apologized or even acknowledged how she treated me. Which is why I’m upset.
I was honest with family members (and especially my brother) about how much Andrew hurt me by going out with someone who he knew made my life miserable.
But my family members responded that ‘we were kids’ and ‘should just put all that petty teenage crap behind us.’ They also said how I watched Andrew’s struggles and saw how hard he worked to overcome them, and ‘Why can’t I just be happy for my brother?’ They told me I was hurting everyone after I stopped showing up to family events ‘by holding onto past grudges.’
Andrew is planning a proposal dinner for Riley and invited the family, including me. I told him I would be working and would not even try to get the evening off. Now the family is bombarding me with messages calling me a childish jerk and I’m ruining one of Andrew’s happiest moments by making it ‘all about my grudges.’ AITJ for refusing to attend?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Kids can be real jerks, who knows what Riley was going through in high school, and I’m sure there are plenty of high school bullies who are kind, considerate folks a decade later.
IF she had acknowledged her part in your pain, sincerely apologized, and tried to make amends, I’d say you should give her another chance.
She is not doing that. She’s making things worse by pretending that some pretty awful stuff in your life just never happened.
Who cares if it was 10 years ago? All the more reason that she should have enough perspective to say, ‘I was a real jerk in high school. I’m sorry about that.
You didn’t deserve it.’ If she can’t do that, then there’s no reason that you should have to move on because it was a long time ago.” dbesy25
Another User Comments:
“So NTJ
Your family does not understand the magnitude of what you experienced, and therefore cannot be trusted to act with your interests in mind.
(or they do understand and frankly then they’re monsters.)
EITHER WAY does not change how you should respond: which is to keep on prioritizing your health and safety in whatever way you can, ignore their manipulation, and set very clear and established boundaries from the beginning that are never readjusted.
My twin was brutally harassed throughout primary school, and the same bullies would try and befriend me – genuinely confused at how I wouldn’t give them a chance. To this day people say ‘Oh let it go, they were kids.’ People who haven’t experienced traumatic bullying tend not to be able to empathize.
Good luck.” generalizimo
17. AITJ For Being Unable To Make Dinner For My SO When I Have A Work Emergency?
“My partner is diagnosed with OCD. She is medicated and in therapy. She tells me that it used to be worse before and she is doing so much better now.
One thing she absolutely doesn’t compromise on is her apartment. She cleans it on schedule. She cooks and does the dishes on time. She loves my cooking. Most of the time, I pack her leftovers so she doesn’t have to worry about cooking or cleaning.
The pipes burst in my apartment and the landlord needed a few days to fix the pipes and the floors.
Landlord paid me a week’s hotel pay, but my partner insisted I should save funds by staying with her.
We have been together a year and this could be a trial run for us moving together in the future. So, I agreed.
She had a lot of rules about cleanliness.
I am a pretty clean person too, so those were not that hard to accommodate. Things were fine and everybody was happy. However, one day, I was supposed to make dinner and I had to fix a critical problem at work. So I sent her a text (she didn’t pick up my calls) saying that I cannot make dinner and that she should either cook or get takeout (I work from home, she does not).
I am in a meeting with my boss, my boss’s boss, and my entire team and she keeps banging on my door saying that I promised to make dinner. I muted myself and opened the door and spoke to her. She didn’t see that text and she insists that I have to cook dinner.
I told her that no, I was in a meeting and went back. She kept banging on the door. I was so embarrassed and mad that I ended up just packing my bag and leaving for the nearest hotel without a word and continued my work there and spent the night there.
The next day she kept saying that I was a jerk and slacker. She told everyone that I promised to cook her dinner and flaked. This made me more annoyed and we got into a fight.
She told me that it is not wrong to expect what was promised. She likes to plan ahead and have a schedule and I shouldn’t make promises if I cannot keep them.
I told her that things happen and that I cannot always plan every second of my life.
My friends are on her side and think I should have done something to calm her down instead of locking myself away. They told me that I knew she likes routine and disrupted it and discarded her hurt feelings.
I don’t think I am the jerk here.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Lots of people like to use the fact that they have a mental condition as an excuse for trashy behavior. The truth is you can be mentally ill and a jerk at the same time. At the end of the day, it was only dinner, and while people with OCD may overreact when things aren’t what they’re used to (not on schedule, etc) you had a legitimate excuse.
It’s not your fault she didn’t see the text.” Kevin7650
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You had an urgent work issue and communicated a change in the plans. If your partner’s OCD is so severe that she can’t regulate her response to unexpected change, then she needs a lot more treatment before she’s ready to live with someone.
I find it hard to believe she’d react like this with her friends, coworkers, or boss. So reflect on why she thought it was ok to react this way with you. Especially concerning is her telling your friends a one-sided account of the conflict.” puppyfarts99
16. AITJ For Not Paying My Sister For Neglecting My Pets?
“I (25M) needed to fly out from California to Washington because my dad had surgery from an accident and I wanted to be there to help out my stepmom with him for a few days.
I was gone for a week and asked my sister if she could come over once a day to water my plants and check my mail.
I also have (or had) 2 blue parakeets that I love. Male and female. The female was ready to lay her eggs so I already had a nest for them in their cage.
Before my trip, she was already sitting on her eggs in the nest and I told my sister to ALWAYS make sure to clean their cup of bird food and add more in every day and keep their water clean.
This was explained to her twice because I wanted to make sure the birds and the eggs would be okay.
The male would be bringing food for the female to eat while she was sitting on the eggs so that’s why I wanted to be sure she would follow what I said. Also, clean out the tray in their cage.
Every day since leaving I asked her did the birds have food, was their water clean, etc. She told me yes every time so nothing to worry about.
Finally got back last night. The first thing was to check on my birds. Yeah, the cage was clean and their water was too but guess what, all that was in their food cup was trash from the seeds they already ate. The mother bird was… you know. And obviously, the eggs didn’t survive either.
The only one that was still alive was the male but he looked so sad.
The first thing I noticed was that he was right on top of the nest box looking inside. I can’t tell you how much I was crying taking them out. She had 6 eggs and she died still trying to incubate their babies.
My sister claimed their cup was always full so she assumed she didn’t need to put more food in. Despite telling her to refill their cup with MORE food. Because they had nothing. She keeps saying it was an honest mistake and she didn’t mean for them to die.
And now I’m refusing to pay her the $200 I promised to drive here every day because she didn’t follow everything instructed. She did everything else except this one thing so it’s not fair to refuse to pay her. Calling me petty and a crappy brother after doing me a favor for taking the time out of her days now only to not give her the payment that she needs.
I’m still really sad/angry about my birds so that’s why I feel like she doesn’t deserve anything for being the one responsible. But maybe I am? Or who knows? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your sister failed to follow your instructions and lied to you about it and as a result, a beloved pet died. It was not an ‘honest mistake’ – it was laziness on her part to not follow your instructions to clean out the cup and add new food daily.” MaggieMae68
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She killed your babies. Ask her how she’d feel if she wanted you to house sit and feed her dogs for her and she came home to dead dogs because you didn’t do your job like you swore you were doing. Idk how she didn’t notice they were DYING like what?!
I’d be angry and avoid contact for a fat minute.” Zestyclose-Hour8614
15. AITJ For Bringing My Father Home From The Nursing Home?
“I’m (34F) one of five children and the youngest. Our mother died when I was eight.
Dad remarried years later to Mary. I was a teenager (14) and some of my siblings were on their way out the door to college. She came into the marriage with a lot to say and tried to dictate what we could and couldn’t do. That didn’t go over too well with us.
Especially when my oldest brother’s birthday rolled around. He was turning eighteen, had gotten into a nice college, and was looking forward to obtaining a car. Obviously, she and my father had been talking about getting another vehicle, but the one she wanted was expensive and Dad said no.
Learning my brother had bought a car (an inexpensive one), she blew up.
My father had to explain to her that our mother left us an inheritance. She tried to flip it on him as if he’d been hiding funds. Not the case. He told her our inheritance didn’t concern her. But he did explain when my mother passed she left him the executor of our inheritance.
She tried to get my father to ‘steal’ part of our inheritance and use the funds to buy her the car she wanted. My father told her he would never try to get over on his kids. We really didn’t like her after that. Nonetheless, my father loved her, so we had to accept it.
All my siblings and I live out of state but I live the closest to Dad, so I get to see him more often. When we’re not able to visit we Facetime daily. Out of nowhere, communication ceases. For days my siblings and I are calling with no response. Until eventually my sister flies out to make the drive with me.
We pull up to the house and what do you know Mary’s car is in the driveway (mind you we called her the entire drive there with no answer). We walk into the house calling for our dad. She tells us to stop hollering in her house! (parents’ house) We ask her where is our father.
Nonchalantly she replies he had a stroke and was in the hospital. We were livid and hysterical because she hadn’t thought to call us! Said he was doing fine so there was no need. As a result of his stroke, he had limited mobility, some mental effects, and speech. With rehab, he got better.
We lost all respect for her after that.
Over a year ago my father had a fall, (trying to clean the gutters) and broke his leg along with a dislocated shoulder. We visited, but it was after visiting that problems arose. We noticed that when we called that he didn’t have the ‘energy’ to face time, but would talk to us through text and over the phone briefly.
I got a job opportunity that required me to move back home. I wanted it to be a surprise since I just closed on a home. I get to my dad’s and the locks are changed. So I call my father. Lo and behold he tells me he’s in the NURSING HOME still and hadn’t seen Mary nor was she answering for him!
(he was there for rehab but was supposed to be discharged a couple of months ago) I drove right over and got him and brought him home! Now she’s claiming she’s going to file charges against me for kidnapping!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If I were you, I’d do some digging and make sure Mary hasn’t been forging your dad’s signature and stealing from the inheritance your mother left you.
Because it sounds like she had no intention of bringing him home. I assume the house is in your dad’s name? Verify she hasn’t added herself to the deed or removed your dad entirely. She’s up to something.” louisianefille
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, retain council for your father immediately and shut that crap down.
Have a talk with your dad and maybe see if you can convince him to sell his house and move in with you if you feel comfortable with that arrangement. This situation is really concerning and it would not surprise me if she did something terrible to gain control of his property and other assets.” User
14. AITJ For Returning The Bible My Partner's Parents Gave To Me?
“I’m Jewish and I have been seriously questioning my s*******y for a long time.
I (30F) am in a committed relationship with my partner (33M). My partner’s parents are Christian and have some warped belief that theirs is the ONLY religion that matters. While I am Jewish, I do not practice my religion and I’ve never been pushed to by my parents.
I chose to have a Bat Mitzvah – it was never forced on me. I chose to celebrate the holidays, my favorite is Hanukkah, again I was never forced. My parents are not dictators and never have been. But I do take pride in who I am, I’ll never be ashamed of it, I just simply don’t believe anymore.
But that’s a story for another day.
Recently I’ve been doing some heavy thinking and I spent a long time reflecting on myself, I came to the conclusion that I’m bi. I guess I always knew I liked women as well as men but it took me a long time to admit it to myself.
My partner and I had a long discussion about things and decided to stay together because it’s not something to break up over. His parents, however, they’re not so supportive. They’ve made some horrible claims that my parents would disown me (I don’t know a single person at my parents’ Synagogue who would disown their LGBTQ+ child) and a few days ago my partner’s Mum gave me a Bible and told me to ‘Pray on it’.
I told her while it was a lovely gesture to gift us a Bible, I’m not Christian. I’m Jewish even if I don’t practice my religion, I gave the Bible back and since then she’s been calling and messaging saying lots of Anti-Semitic and homophobic things I wouldn’t dare utter to another living soul.
Just a few examples:
- She’s said I’ll burn in the underworld.
- She’s said I’ll never be able to give my partner kids.
- She’s told me I’m going through a phase.
My partner has been a rock through this. And right now we’re enjoying some much-loved ‘Anti-Christian’ entertainment. We’re watching Star Wars to prepare for tomorrow’s release of Obi-Wan.
Please reassure me so I don’t lose my mind over this; AITJ for giving back that Bible?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
They are way out of line for saying anti-Semitic things and homophobic things, and I hope your partner has not only told them such but cut them off since they cannot respect you, him, or your relationship.
I’m unsure why you all felt the need to tell his parents about your s*******y, especially since there’s no doubt he knew what their opinion would be. I’m not saying to hide it but how does that even come up in conversation?” Worried_Aerie_7512
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ; how dare she force her religion on someone of a different religion (or an atheist/agnostic)?
Not only is that offensive, but it’s incredibly arrogant. Your parents sound great, by the way, I’m glad you have them.
Your s*******y is nobody else’s business; you and your partner are happy with the way things are and that’s all that matters. As for the disgusting messages she’s been sending; that’s abusive behavior and harassment (not to mention extremely un-Christian).
If she’s calling/messaging you, block her number immediately. If she’s calling/sending them to your partner, he needs to put firm boundaries in place immediately and tell her to stop right now and mind her own business.” mrs_spanner
13. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For A Family Therapy Session?
“I (49m) have two children with my ex-wife ‘Mary’ (52f): ‘Lisa’ (27f) and ‘Jack’ (24m). The only reason we got married was because she got pregnant and I was basically told by her and my parents that we would be getting married. Big mistake.
As soon as Lisa was here Mary did a complete 180. Before the birth, it was agreed that Mary would go back to work after she recovered while our mothers would take turns watching our daughter. Instead, Mary quit her job without telling me and demanded that I take on the full financial burden while she spent whatever amount we had to her heart’s content.
She would almost never adhere to the budget no matter how hard I tried to explain how important it was to her and we would get behind on bills. She would always blame me for not working more so that we’d have enough budget and complain to her family but never gave the full story so I was seen as lazy when I didn’t help with Lisa.
That was only because I was so tired from already working 12-18 hour shifts every day 6 days out of the week.
Eventually, I had to open up a separate account to put funds in just to ensure that there was a budget for bills because I got tired of having to borrow from family which would create a lot of tension if/when the money was paid back on the original agreed upon time.
Mary would accuse me of hiding funds and having a mistress when I refused to give her access to the separate account which always made me mad because when would I even have the time?
I finally got sick of this and filed for divorce. Mary was angry because she didn’t get much alimony and no child support and was forced to go back to work.
I was over the moon when Jack was finally 18 because that meant I was even more free from their mother, but about a year later my children just stopped talking to me.
I didn’t know why and tried reaching out multiple times and even tried to visit but they never responded. This went on for 4 years and during that time my children only communicated once with me saying ‘You know what you did.’ Eventually, it was revealed that their mom convinced Lisa and Jack that I had been having an affair for years and they believed her.
Now they know the truth and have reached out to me.
Recently, I found out that they’re still in regular contact with their mom, and when I asked why they said ‘She’s our mom’ which just angered me because I was their dad yet they had no problem cutting me off.
If I was so disposable to them then why have a relationship? I cut contact and my children reached out to me through relatives suggesting family therapy, and I agreed.
However, when they sent me the information to pay for a session I refused. I told them while I’m willing to put in the emotional labor to fix our relationship I will NOT be footing the bill when I’m both the innocent and wronged party in this situation.
That the act of them paying for the session will be a way to prove to me how sincere they are. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Your children are adults. If they are the ones who suggested therapy, they don’t get to slide you the bill because you agreed. They cut you out due to their mother’s lies, so I agree with you that you have zero obligation to pay for fixing a relationship your adult children destroyed by ONLY listening to Mom.
NTJ.” guessmyageidareyou
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If my kids did that to me, I wouldn’t be paying for anything. They threw you away and didn’t even try to communicate with you about what they were being told by their mom. They did you wrong and you have accepted a life without them in it.
So I wouldn’t pay for it and if they want to repair the damages they did then they should pay for it and that’s that. Don’t pay for therapy because once you start putting money in, it won’t stop. Plus you are opening yourself up to having your ex-wife in your life again.” Ok_Berry_2693
12. AITJ For Telling A Friend I'm Inviting Only My Family To My Celebration Of Beating Cancer?
“One of my closest friends that I’ve known since high school, we’ll call them Kai, has been the hardest person to be with during my treatment process. Almost 5 years after I graduated, I was diagnosed with cancer and it turned my life around. I had to drop out of school and leave my job because of how tough the chemo would be on me.
Before I had a biopsy done, I told Kai because I know they would be upset if they weren’t ‘one of the firsts’ to know. Almost immediately after dropping this bombshell, they say, ‘Oh my gosh, what if you die?’ They continued to go on about saying THEY wouldn’t know what THEY would do if I died.
I started treatment alright at the start, just extreme fatigue as a symptom. Then after a couple more cycles, the symptoms continued to get worse from there. The days are long and the chemo meds are almost unbearable. Needless to say, I didn’t have the energy or time for anything else.
This is where I started to get fed up with Kai: They would call me EVERY. DAY. Of course just to check up on me, but that lasted about 2 minutes into the conversation before they interrupted me and had to share what happened with their day. And these phone calls would last for hours.
If there ever was a chance for me to share a story, they would again interrupt me because they were driving and having road rage. Just would scream out of nowhere, cutting me off completely.
This went on for months. Pretty soon I started ignoring calls altogether. Sometimes I would feel guilty about not answering, so I would answer but tell them I was tired and couldn’t talk long, just enough for an update.
Wouldn’t matter. They needed to tell me about their day at work so badly, I couldn’t leave.
Halfway through chemo, I had surgery. This surgery was intense (15 hours) and it will leave me completely dependent for quite a few months. It’s left me totally helpless for my future. However, from this gruesome experience, we found out that treatment had almost completely killed the cancer and the pathology report came back with negative margins.
I was excited! I shared this with Kai to give them an update, and they said verbatim, ‘Well you still could die from chemo.’
They have made this whole process about them. About how traumatized they are from my cancer diagnosis. I can see why, watching your loved ones go through this is never easy, but it’s important to step up and be there for them during this.
I know this now because I’ve experienced both sides. I feel like I’ve never had a moment to myself during this with Kai.
So now I’m only 2 weeks away from finishing chemo, and they say they will be there for when I ring the bell and will come no matter what I say.
AITJ for telling them I’m inviting family only?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You got rid of the cancer, now get rid of the tumor you call Kai.
In all seriousness, your friend sounds egotistical and overly dramatic. They are supposed to be your support system while you are legit fighting for your life.
You don’t need extra stress during your recovery. Congrats on beating the Big C and good luck in your recovery!” NoTransportation9021
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Kai is super toxic. I’m sure you’ve heard some version of this: you don’t know who your friends are until you’ve had to rely on them for something important.
You and Kai had a rubber-hits-the-road moment and they did not even start their engine. In fact, their engine kind of farted horribly and exploded.
Just so you see it in writing: Kai is not a real friend. Stick with your family. You are still young and you will meet plenty of people you like more than this person.
They are emotionally abusive. The road rage thing is an enormous red flag: when you start talking, something has to happen to them to bring the attention back. Classic narcissistic behavior.” d4nkgr1l
11. AITJ For Hating My Biological Parents?
“I (m24) grew up living in group homes. If you don’t know what a group home is it’s basically a smaller orphanage.
Living in a group home was rough we generally weren’t guaranteed meals and we shared literally everything. So if we got new clothes we had 10 other kids fighting over it. If we got pizza we had 10 kids fighting over it. When I was 11 I became close with this kid from school.
He invited me over to his house for a couple of sleepovers and his parents would notice how much I was eating. I would completely pig out despite being relatively skinny. There were a couple of other things they noticed about how I behaved that was very weird. They realized I was probably being underfed and decided to take action.
Eventually, they took me in and I never looked back.
So today I’m 24 and I’m working a nice desk job. I’m generally happy and I’m still close with my adopted parents. My bio parents reached out two weeks ago and were relieved when I responded. We ended up setting up a meeting yesterday.
I was already quite hesitant to meet them but only did it because my mom and dad said it could be worthwhile. So we sat down and talked over lunch.
They told me they gave me up because they didn’t want to be parents. They were in their mid-20s and married. The only reason they gave me up was because they weren’t ‘ready’ for parenthood.
After this, I pretty much gave up on being civil and I started making snide comments like ‘Oh so I was ready for group homes?’ I was being pretty rude and my bio mom was fighting tears. After they told me I have a brother I said ‘Oh ok so you were ready enough to be a parent but weren’t ready enough to check on your son’.
I had enough, paid the bill, and left.
I was very angry and told my adoptive mom what happened. She said that I should go easier on them since it probably took a lot to reach out and apologize. She went on and on about how she’ll support me no matter what but she thinks I’m acting a bit harsh.
My bio parents called and asked if we could meet again and talk more. My mom thinks that it could be beneficial now that my ‘initial emotions’ are out there. If I think I was acting like a jerk and my mom thinks I’m acting like a jerk I probably am a jerk.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This is a complex situation and there’s no ‘right’ way to feel! You’re absolutely also allowed to feel MULTIPLE emotions, sometimes at the same time – sorrow for your loss and hardships but joy at knowing them; hatred and anger but also curiosity about them.
You don’t owe them anything, and the one thing you HAVE to do is to protect your own mental health and well-being. They made their choices all those years ago, and it’s NOT your responsibility to make them feel better about that. You can tell them how your life experience was, not attacking them, but facts.
If they want to take offense or be emotional, tell them this is the facts, this is your lived experience.
I’m so glad that your adopted parents sound like such amazing people. They’re your family. You owe your bio-parents nothing, if you get nothing from this interaction, fine. If you connect with them and think they’re okay as human beings, that’s a bonus.
You did not act like a jerk. Your response was expected, especially after being told they have another kid. You can also get a therapist to help you process these big emotions if you feel overwhelmed. Overall, you’ll be okay I think. You can also try writing them a letter telling them how your life was growing up, and meeting your adopted parents.
This way you can focus on that, and they can read and process their emotions separately too, and then if you meet again, the intensity of the first reaction will be gone, and hopefully it is easier to talk then. Wishing you luck OP. There’s probably a lot of resources online too that could help you too!” Rohini_rambles
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m an adoptive mom too, and I would guess your mom is worried that you’re burning bridges when you might realize you want or need (do you have all your medical history?) to connect with your bio family later in life.
That’s your call though.
You’re an adult and your feelings, whatever they are, are valid. You absolutely don’t owe your bio family a relationship. If you haven’t though, you might want to consider seeing an adoption and trauma-informed therapist because you don’t deserve to carry around the burden of pain and anger.” Elle_Vetica
10. AITJ For Not Taking My Wife's Side When She Got Kicked Out Of Her Sister's House?
“My wife (32) and I (30) have decided due to medical issues not to have kids and we do not have the budget to adopt a child.
My wife’s sister who I will call Beth (24) recently became a mother for the second time. Her oldest child is four years old and he is the sweetest little boy.
She and my BIL, who I will call Tom, welcomed their second child last Friday. My wife was asked by Beth to come help her after she gave birth. My wife was supposed to be there for two weeks helping out with the new baby and watching her son. My wife was only there for three days as she was told to leave by Beth and her husband.
When my wife got home today, she was frustrated and very angry with Beth and when I asked what happened she wouldn’t tell me. So I called Tom. He told me that my wife was constantly undermining their rules for their son and was constantly giving him things and letting him do things he had already been told he wasn’t allowed to do.
My nephew asked Tom if he could have ice cream. Tom told him no as my nephew had been misbehaving. My wife then tells my nephew he can have ice cream and gave him a huge bowl. My nephew asked Beth if he could have the iPad. Beth told him no as he was supposed to be cleaning up his toys.
My wife took the iPad from Tom and Beth’s bedroom and gave it to my nephew.
Things came to a boiling point today when Beth was trying to shower. She’d made it clear she didn’t want my wife in the bathroom helping her and she only wanted Tom’s help.
My wife forced her way into the bathroom and tried to help Beth undress and Tom was trying to pull my wife off of Beth. Beth was upset and crying and trying to hold her bathrobe shut.
Finally, Tom was able to get my wife away from Beth and he told her to go home and not come back.
When I heard this, I gently asked my wife about it and she told me she was only doing the right thing as ‘no man wants to see his wife without clothes after childbirth.’ And she was only trying to help spare Beth any embarrassment/body image issues. I gently explained to her that I understand why she was asked to leave and it was honestly her fault and I told her she needed to apologize.
My wife blew up at me saying I wasn’t there and therefore I don’t get to take a side and if anything I should have defended her to Tom and Beth. My wife has been giving me the silent treatment ever since and I’ve been getting nasty phone calls from my wife’s friends calling me a piece of work husband for not defending her.
So AITJ for telling her it’s her fault she was kicked out of her sister’s house?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and honestly – maybe it’s just because your wife is from a different culture to me or has a different type of relationship with her family – but the bathroom part is highly concerning.
I would be keeping a close eye on your wife’s mental health.
The rest are all jerk moves and deserving of being asked to leave, but also maybe not that uncommon for childless aunties, but the bathroom thing is super odd (to me).” disgruntled_-pelican
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think you’re taking your wife’s behavior way too lightly.
These are the actions of someone who is suffering from some kind of mental illness. Her issues with not being able to have biological children seem to be surfacing here in how irrationally she was acting. She needs to speak to someone in the psychological field and figure out what’s really going on here before something worse happens.” funnyflowers1321
Just one of the actions you describe in her sister's home would have gotten her kicked out of my home, but the shower thing? That's psychotic behavior. Whether it's baby rabies or an obsession with pregnancy or whatever, your wife needs help. Now.
9. AITJ For Not Inviting My Ex's Mom To My Wedding?
“I (F23) am getting married this fall. When my fiance (25M) and I got engaged I posted photos on my social media. I am still friends with my ex’s mom on social media. She commented on the post ‘Wow don’t know what you see in him that my boy didn’t have’.
I deleted the comment and didn’t interact with her in an attempt to diffuse the situation.
For background, ‘Lindsey,’ my ex’s mom, was very upset when her son and I broke up. She told me I broke his heart and hers as well. It has also been over 3 years since we were together.
Recently I received a message from Lindsey on social media, she told me she had seen a wedding invitation on a mutual friend’s fridge and was hurt that I hadn’t invited her. She said she would like me to send her our wedding invitation and that I should list her son, my ex as her plus one instead of her husband.
I was shocked, I responded back to her and told her that she would not be receiving an invitation because it would be weird to invite my ex’s mom to my wedding and also that we were not friends and hadn’t stayed in contact so why would I invite her?
She freaked out, said I was rude and it was hurtful of me not to invite her since she wanted to be there. I blocked her on social media.
Two nights ago my fiance and I were getting ready for bed when our dogs started barking like crazy at the front door.
We went downstairs and found Lindsey wasted in our front yard. She was screaming at me, telling me that I was crazy for marrying some other man than her son and that I was making a big mistake. She told me if I didn’t invite her to my wedding right now she would show up anyways and make a scene.
We called the police and they removed her from our property.
I told my family and the people in our wedding party about the issue, mostly to warn them of what could happen at the wedding. My mom said I should have just invited her to prevent problems in the first place and not let it escalate to what it did.
She said Lindsey would probably ruin our wedding now and one unwanted guest was better than a huge scene.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. Decisions about who to invite to your wedding are up to you and your fiance. Not your mom, and definitely not Lindsey.
You were correct to warn your family and the wedding party.
This woman is nuts. Block her on all social media.
With luck, she won’t show up at your wedding. However, be prepared to call the police again if she does.
Either way, enjoy the wedding. Best wishes to you and your fiance.” Sea-Confection-2627
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I think you’d be a huge jerk to yourself if you did invite her.
She obviously had some hope that you’d take one look at her son and believe you were marrying the wrong man.
Exes really shouldn’t be at your wedding unless they’re there to supervise children you shared together and are not angling in any way to be in your life romantically anymore, in my opinion.
I wouldn’t want ANY of my husband’s exes to be invited to our wedding when we got married. It’s disrespectful to the person you’re marrying.” jammy913
8. AITJ For Not Wanting To Sell My Spiderman Comic Books?
“I (18F) have a huge Spiderman comic book collection. It is my most prized treasure for 3 reasons.
- I love Spiderman.
- Reading those comic books was the happiest memory of my childhood.
- They were a gift from my grandpa. He couldn’t read English (could speak) so I would read it out loud to him and we would enjoy the comics together.
Last year, my brother (22M) brought home his significant other (21F), Abby. Abby is an international student and she can’t go home. She has no other friends and is low on funds so she lives with us, without paying. We were never well off and now our finances are worse because we’re paying for a whole other person.
Everyone in my family works now, including my younger brother (16M). Everyone except Abby. Why? Because ‘college is too busy.’ However, she’s always hogging Netflix and our entire page has turned into Korean shows.
Despite everyone working, our finances are still bad and Abby started saying that I should sell my collection.
Everyone in the family knows why I would never do that and has explained to which she said I was being childish and comic books were for kids.
Yesterday, our family had a meeting to discuss my mom working longer hours, to which Abby said that she wouldn’t need to if I just grew up and sold my comic books.
I interjected that my mom wouldn’t need to if Abby actually paid us. This angered her and caused a fight and she ended up crying and said she was going to leave the house and started packing her bags.
This morning, my older brother told me to apologize. He said that she didn’t have anywhere else to go and I should be more considerate.
I didn’t care. He looked me in the eye and asked if I was really going to choose Spiderman over a real person. AITJ for choosing Spiderman?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell your brother that he can sell off HIS stuff if it’s so important to him. Abby isn’t your SO or your responsibility.
If she’s old enough to go to college in a different country, she’s old enough to get a job and pay some rent.
Also, change the doorknob in your bedroom to one that needs a key and keep it locked. Abby sounds like she’s the type of person to steal your stuff and sell it behind your back.” Shozurei
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First of all – if you are taking care of them, those comics are an investment. You don’t sell off an investment for a short-term fix.
Second – you have an emotional investment in them as well. There is no reason for you to sell them.
Third – the pressure to sell them is coming from someone who is not contributing financially to the family and is not actually part of the family.
Finally – how much do you trust her? I would not put it past her to sell them out from under you just to ‘make a point.’ Find a way to lock them up or otherwise protect them as soon as possible.” bamf1701
7. AITJ For Pointing Out My Friend's Drinking Problem?
“A year ago, my (28F) friend (29F) decided to do Dry January. After this, she decided to just quit drinking fully. I thought a dry month sounded like a cool idea and figured whatever, I’ll do one too. I had done it before just by happenstance without trying, and I figured maybe being intentional about it could give me the opportunity to reflect on my own drinking habits.
When I was 21/22 I definitely had more of a heavy drinking phase and used liquor as a crutch more than I should have. By the time we did our dry months, I had already slowed down my drinking, but I figured the chance to reflect wouldn’t hurt.
After my dry month, I came to the conclusion that while I didn’t miss drinking, I also didn’t feel the need to fully quit.
My drinking habits are probably around the same as anyone’s – every now and then I like to have a glass of wine with dinner, I’ll go out for a couple of glasses maybe once a month or on special occasions, but that’s it. The last time I got anything beyond a comfortable buzz was when my partner and I got fishbowls at last year’s pride parade.
This is all to say that I have a way healthier relationship with drinking than I used to.
My friend, however, has basically spent the last year making passive-aggressive comments to our friend group about how we should all stop drinking. She will especially make these to me because I tried the dry month and she sees my decision to not fully quit as proof that I’m ‘scared of sobriety’ and that I need to quit.
She also likes to cite the rates of drinking addiction amongst LGBTQ+ people as proof that our friend group needs to stop drinking. She’s one of the only straight people in the group, and a lot of us took issue with her bringing that up.
Last night, we were all hanging out for my partner’s birthday.
We had a group dinner at our apartment and then we were going to a bar in my neighborhood that has a wide selection of mocktails. As we were leaving, my friend says ‘I am willing to bet that all of you will have a lot more fun if you commit to only drinking mocktails tonight’ and we all pretty much said ‘Maybe, but we don’t really want to tonight.’ She just said ‘The fact that you all are so resistant to it means that you need it!’ and then tells me that I should be sober tonight because a ‘sober birthday treat’ will be better for my partner.
That’s when I finally just said ‘I really think you’re projecting. I didn’t quit drinking because I didn’t NEED to. I’m happy you adjusted your drinking habits in a way that works for you, but I did the same. None of us have drinking problems which means that we don’t need to quit drinking.’
My friend just said ‘Look at yourself and how hard you’re resisting. I’m sad for you,’ and left the apartment. She hasn’t returned anyone’s calls, but left a text in the group chat saying that I embarrassed her and that she wouldn’t come back to events until I apologized for my behavior.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’d be one thing if she said ‘It’s hard for me to be around drinking and it’d be nice if we could have some sober gatherings,’ but she’s choosing to criticize you endlessly instead. You hit the nail on the head and her embarrassment is her own fault for being rude to you for so long.” Mayalestrange
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I mean for one thing she isn’t a friend of yours, she’s an internalized homophobe who follows y’all around preaching that you are sinners and need to repent and leave behind the ways that have you straying from true morality. Like she may be putting a secular spin on this, but it is the same garbage other judgmental individuals put out there.
It sounds like it’s a plus that she is saying she won’t come to events, the trash taking itself out as it were.” JCBashBash
6. AITJ For Leaving My Roommates Because Of Increasing Household Bills?
“The UK is in a crisis with energy bills right now and it’s going to get worse.
Predictions are for bills to rise over 80% this winter. Last winter was bad enough for my household and I only just got by. I (25f) and friends, A (27F) and B (26m) live together. Their income is more but we split everything evenly. Growing up poor I’m very conscious about my usage.
The other two are not. They leave lights on 24/7. They have heating on for hours with windows open and refuse to wear a jumper if it’s cold. A has an AC she leaves on for hours even when she’s not in and B sleeps with a heater AND a fan on all night.
Both sleep with their TVs on.
I’ve had multiple talks with them about their usage and stated clearly if they cannot cut down on bills I’ll have to move out. Yesterday I got our recent electric bill. In a year it’s gone from £60 per month to just under £200. I sat them down and told them I cannot afford to live like this.
I proposed the following rules:
- Heating is turned off all summer and put on a timer in winter. If you’re cold wrap up.
- Electronics are turned off when not in use
- AC/heater/fan all go on timers and not for hours.
- Hot water goes on a timer
- We get a smart meter and if it goes over a set amount we get stricter with usage.
They refused all these rules saying it’s not their fault the country is in crisis and they won’t give up their comfort because of my problems. A told me to get a better-paying job but she knows I can’t (entry-level and pay goes up after training). No resolution was made so last night my mum said I can live with her for a while to save.
I told them this morning I’ll be moving out in 6 weeks when our contract ends and they blew up saying they can’t afford rent and bills without my share and don’t have anyone to replace me. They’re both saying I’m a selfish jerk and now A won’t even talk to me.
Neither has sent me the payment for the bill. I do feel bad because I don’t know how they’ll cope without my input but I’m broke, my savings are almost gone. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I can’t understand their reaction; you’re moving out because you won’t be able to pay the bills, and most roommates are happy to have someone in such a situation move out.
Do they understand that part?
If they bring it up again, you could say you could pay a portion, but it would be less. Maybe them taking up more of the slack for energy would make up for you still paying rent.” stroppo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Absolutely not! You use the term friend, but it feels like a loose interpretation to me.
You aren’t saying you refuse to help pay, you didn’t even suggest that you restructure how bills are split. You talked to them and explained the situation, you warned them, and you have a follow-up conversation.
Based on the appearance of this list, you have done everything correctly and within your ability.
Telling you to just get a better-paying job is all well and good, but there are variables there. Not to mention you said that your pay goes up after training, so you’re working on that.
Your ‘friends’ sound uncaring and aren’t offering solutions either. They could’ve even suggested that the share be restructured given their use of ‘comfort’ that they’re unwilling to give up.
Sorry, being an adult and making adult decisions just isn’t always comfortable.” Capt0bv10u5
5. AITJ For Calling Out My Mother-In-Law's Comment Comparing Having An Affair To Eating My Cooking?
“MIL and I have never gotten along. It is somewhat better now, but still pretty bad. MIL will not eat my cooking, which is fine, she seems to have some anxiety about food, but her husband won’t eat it either, and I know he is just doing it to appease her.
I recently heard MIL tell someone that she would feel less betrayed by him having an affair than by eating my cooking. I called out her name and was like really? MIL tried to laugh it off and said it was true. As a woman, I just really didn’t believe her.
To me, having an affair is the ultimate betrayal and something you can never get over.
I called her out and said I didn’t believe that at all and felt she was just trying to put me down. At this point, the whole family was getting involved and telling her it was a ridiculous thing to say.
MIL finally snapped and said she doesn’t actually believe in monogamy anyway, and if he did break the boundaries of the open relationship she wouldn’t care that much, but if he ate my cooking it would upset her.
This set off WW3 with the family. FIL (MIL’s ex) was upset and demanding to know when she decided she didn’t believe in monogamy and were they together at the time.
Her dad got emotional because he always worries that having a blended family messed her up. MIL was trying to laugh it off and said monogamy just never felt right for her, but she didn’t know how to label it when she was younger. That set FIL off.
MIL ended up leaving with her husband, and my husband said I caused that by saying I didn’t believe her and I shouldn’t have been eavesdropping on her conversation, to begin with.
I felt it was fine to call it out because the statement sounded so ridiculous.”
Another User Comments:
“Your husband needs to back off and back you up. His mother is being ridiculous. What is it with her just insulting you like that? You weren’t eavesdropping. I bet she said it loud enough on purpose.
I’m sorry your in-laws are so weird. Honestly, I would watch this movie for that scene alone.
NTJ. Good luck.” BusyDadGaming
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like she’s wanted a polyamorous relationship for a while but never had the courage to say it and it just bubbled up inside her.
I don’t think you’re necessarily to blame, as it was right there waiting to spew out regardless. That’s a discussion she and her husband need to have, so maybe this is all doing them a favor.
That said, she sounds horrible! Who treats their daughter-in-law like that!?
Your MIL is definitely the jerk, your FIL is also a jerk for being complicit in her poor treatment of you, and sorry but your husband is also a jerk for enabling the behavior by not standing up to his mother and making it clear that her behavior will NOT be tolerated.” fallingfaster345
4. AITJ For Going Home Early From My Fiancée's Parents' House?
“My fiancee, Tara (21), and I (21) have been together for 3 years now. She’s an amazing woman, smart and caring and beautiful. However, she has issues with her family. Both of her parents are extremely religious, and her father is a priest. Tara and I don’t believe or practice, and her usual style would not be acceptable to them.
I know she sees her family a lot, despite it. I had only met her older brother, who likes me.
I recently proposed, and she said yes. We were so happy and I love her so much. However, we talked and think I should meet her parents. She clearly doesn’t love the idea, but can’t hide that she’s engaged from them.
She warned me about how religious and strict they are, but I think she wasn’t clear enough.
I understood she didn’t want drama but I underestimated how insane it was. She dressed differently than usual, wore a cross, changed her earrings to be more plain, talked and acted COMPLETELY differently, and wasn’t affectionate.
She was a whole different person. It was weird, but I tried to go along with it for her. Her parents were nice enough, and there didn’t seem to be any issues. But Tara was straight up lying to them (e.g., talking about living with her friend, she lives with me; about church when she has not gone).
I was uncomfortable lying, especially pretending that I’m someone I’m not, if she wants to say she’s going out with a ‘nice Christian boy’ then go out with one. And apparently, it was expected I join them for church which I absolutely will not do.
I didn’t say anything at the moment, but that night I took Tara aside and we talked. I told her I didn’t like lying and I don’t want to pretend I’m someone else.
She basically told me we had to, and it was just for the weekend. I told her that I don’t want to spend the rest of my life hiding from her family, and Tara got really annoyed. She told me that she doesn’t either, but it’s the only way she can see her siblings until they’re 18.
But that’s at least 11 years of lying and pretending. We couldn’t agree on it, and both of us were frustrated.
So I ended up going home early. Tara lied and said it was work. But apparently, her parents didn’t accept it, because when Tara came home she was furious with me.
She told me I just had to******* up for one weekend for her, and that she wasn’t asking for much. But I disagree. I shouldn’t have to hide who I am, and I didn’t try to get her in trouble. We argued about it and couldn’t agree, and she stayed with her older brother for the night.
I complained to my best friend, but he basically thinks that I’m being unfair. That if I love her, and since she doesn’t force me to be around them often, I should******* up. He basically said it would be wrong to make her risk losing her siblings because her parents are crazy.
But like, that shouldn’t give her a free pass to just lie about us and me. But I’m too involved in this, so maybe I’m just putting my feelings first. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The big problem here is that she has been dragging you into her lies. And she is not thinking about the big picture.
What are you going to do about the wedding? Have two different ceremonies, two different venues, two different dresses, two different everything so that she can have both the wedding she wants and the wedding her parents want for her?
What about kids? Unless you’re both willing to wait 11 years to start building your family, your kids will be dragged into this too.
Let me tell you that children do not know the meaning of the word guile and lying doesn’t come naturally to toddlers.
The big thing here is that what she has going is not sustainable and I have serious doubts that it can work until her siblings turn 18.” DramaGirl6155
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – She is not asking you to lie for one weekend, she is asking you to lie for the next decade. Then what? Her siblings are grown but her parents are older, so let’s not rock the boat now?
She should have been more upfront about the situation and the part you were expected to play.
I think the two of you need to put a pause on the relationship until you can figure out how to manage her relationship with her family in a way that you are both comfortable with.
It may also be worth having a conversation with her about what (if any) financial support she plans to provide for her siblings if they decide to leave home at 18 without support from their parents.
Or what would happen if one of the younger siblings had to leave home sooner (e.g. if one of them came out or was outed as LGBTQ+) and needed someone to take them in as a young teen?
Basically, there is a lot more to her family dynamic than you were previously aware of, and that all needs to be discussed before you get married.” Forward_Squirrel8879
3. AITJ For Announcing My Pregnancy To My Family?
“I’m currently pregnant with my first child. My fiance and I collectively decided to hold off telling people for at least 3 months for the following reasons:
- didn’t want to jump the gun in case it didn’t work out
- my sister was mid-pregnancy with her first after struggling to conceive for 7 years and we didn’t want to steal the thunder
So the baby was born and all is well. My fiance and I decided to hold off another month so all attention could be on my sister and nephew.
We announced to his friends and family in the meantime and everyone was super thrilled. A few days ago I told my parents and they were over the moon. I sent out a nice email with a little e-card and some sonogram pics to the family members that are spread out and that I don’t see regularly and can’t tell in person, my sister included as she lives in a different state than I do.
We got a lot of congratulations and excitement from almost everyone except my sister and her husband.
She called, in tears, tearing into me for planning this and stealing attention from her son that took her so long to have. I told her this wasn’t planned it just happened. That made things worse as I am significantly younger than her and then it turned into her ranting at me about how nice it must be to just be able to accidentally get pregnant when she had to fight, struggle and (her words) ‘actually work to have a family’.
Her husband was in the background and backing her up. I told her we had even taken an extra month to wait to tell people specifically so she and my nephew could have undivided celebration and attention, then I ended the call. My fiancé and his family are on our side, my family is a little too ‘omg new baby’ to gauge properly but my sister and her husband definitely think I’m a jerk.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister may not be in a clear state of mind due to hormones, exhaustion, and potentially even postpartum depression. Don’t take it too personally and let her have time to sit with it for a few days before trying to talk again. You’ve done nothing wrong and she doesn’t get to decide when someone else can get pregnant or under what circumstances.
It was considerate of you to wait as long as you did.” NarwhalNectarine
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and in fact, you are very nice because the SECOND she attacked me over MY fertility, I know my temper would have kicked in and I would have said some very vile sister relationship-changing crap to her.
So good job! I never get how people, grown adults, are actually verbal nowadays about ‘not getting enough attention’… it just sounds pathetic and sad to me. I almost always have the same impulse to say ‘You’re an adult.'” PAACDA2
2. AITJ For Not Wanting Any More Plants Or Animals In Our House?
“My children really wanted pets and so did my partner. They got a mixed breed puppy from the pound and two kittens.
As these animals grew, none of the humans in my house did anything to care for them besides play with them and cuddle.
I got up at 5:30 AM to walk the dog before work; I cleaned the kitty litter boxes out, took them to the vet, had to buy & serve all their food & cleaned up their eating areas afterward. People would just ‘forget’ otherwise.
Naturally, I also had to clean up after them when I’d arrive home & inevitably no one had bothered and there were messes all over the floor.
If I ‘made’ my partner or kids do it, they’d do it badly to the point where they may as well have not bothered.
Same way with plants.
Partner wanted house plants & to start an indoor herb/vegetable garden. Had fun with it 1st week, then totally ignored.
Dead leaves, spilled soil, bugs, etc. now proliferate in the ‘garden area.’ If I don’t water & groom the plants it doesn’t get done.
I am busy & these are not my chosen hobbies. I like animals well enough, but they’re a lot of work & when they aren’t attended to, they destroy the house.
I grew up with a family that hoarded pets & our house was always nasty & smelly & embarrassing.
I swore when I had my own place it would be different.
The cats pee/spray everywhere if I can’t get to the litter box in time & the dog chews up stuff & leaves big messes on the floor if I don’t walk it. I’m the only one who’ll walk him when it gets cold.
We have a fenced-in backyard.
I bought a dog house & announced he’ll live outside from now on, til they can prove they can take care of him better. Same with the cats. They’re now ‘outdoor kitties’ til my humans can show me they’re ready for indoor ones.
Of course if the weather is extreme I’ll let them in.
Plants are all going out.
I’M DONE.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Rehome the animals instead of throwing them outside! Go to your local rescue and get help to rehome them. Those animals will not understand why they are being punished and putting cats outside after being indoor animals is quite dangerous for them.
Next time your family wants an animal, put your foot down rather than allow that situation to happen.
Gosh… letting animals suffer just so you can make a point really makes me mad.” GemGem04
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. You as your animals are used to being indoors and having lives where they get plenty of cuddles, then all of a sudden they are going to be pushed out of the nice cold/warm house.
That’s a pretty big change for the animals.
Your family for not taking care of the things they said they would. They need to learn to be responsible.
Tell your family they have until X day (like give it a month or so) and if they don’t start being responsible then the animals will go to new homes (possibly the plants will get rehomed as well).
The treatment of the animals and plants they are currently getting isn’t fair to them or you. But shoving them outdoors isn’t fair to them either.” HeatherKiwi
1. AITJ For Wanting To Be Part Of My Husband's Daughter's Life Again?
“I met my husband when he was a single father of his young daughter. He had been divorced from his ex-wife for two years.
I was close to my stepdaughter when she was young but she started hating me after I gave birth to my first biological child. By the time my second was born, we had a completely hostile relationship.
She was disrespectful, but I still tried because she was only a child who I’m sure felt upset that her siblings got to live with their dad full time.
When she was a teenager, I decided to disengage, and spent time away from the house and busy with housework and other things because it was just too difficult when she was over.
She has mellowed out now and is in college. She is very close to my husband (I strongly support this) and spends a lot of time with her dad. However, my husband doesn’t tell me anything about her ever.
I asked him about it and led to a massive fight.
He told me that it isn’t because of her wishes, because he doesn’t know what she wants as she never speaks about me. He told me that I chose to disengage and now I can’t be upset that she isn’t a part of my life. He said that I made that choice and I can’t snake in and out of her life and only be there when she is doing well.
He told me that he understands that I am not her parent but he still hoped when he married me that I could be someone she could rely on. I was really upset by all of this because I do love my stepdaughter even though I couldn’t stand her when she was a teenager.
I got really angry at him for holding my choice to disengage against me and for blocking me from one of the most important people in the world to him and me.
I have calmed down and don’t know if I was a jerk to him because he obviously is very protective of his daughter.”
Another User Comments:
“I actually have no idea here. It seems like your version of events and your husband’s versions of events are so different that they aren’t compatible. You say that you ‘disengaged’ but your husband clearly feels like you abandoned her, that when she was struggling the most you just kind of threw your hands up and said ‘This is too hard for me.
I don’t want to have this girl be a part of my life anymore.’ From your husband’s reaction, I bet that you really hurt both your stepdaughter and your husband in the process. And you apparently weren’t even aware enough to realize it.
And now, when things are ‘easy’ again, you’re ready to be a part of her life.
Hm, the more I type the more I’m on your husband’s side. YTJ.” Talavisor
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, no one likes an inconsistent parent in this case a step-parent. When kids are hard to handle/get along with you shouldn’t just ‘disengage’ for several years and then decide you have a right to come back as you please, that’s just entitlement.
Do you also disengage from being a mom when your bio child is being ‘difficult’?
To move forward you should ask your husband if all of you can sit and have a talk. Ask for his daughter’s permission and see if she’s ok with you being part of her life again.
If she says no ask how you can move forward and maybe in the future you can work something out.” pinkcococrepe15
