People Want To Be Over And Done With Their “Am I The Jerk?” Situations
22. AITJ For Considering Moving Out To Live With My Partner, Leaving My Mum And Disabled Brother Behind?
“I (F25) live at home with my mum (F55) and disabled brother (M28). At this point in my life, I’m self-employed (not by choice, the job market just meant that I couldn’t get a job after trying for months), meaning I won’t be eligible for a mortgage until I’m two years self-employed.
My partner (M25) recently graduated with a master’s degree and is desperately seeking work but can’t find a job yet. His parents (F48 and M48) recently bought a house in the countryside that has an outdoor annex with a kitchen, living room, bedroom, bathroom, etc. My partner will be living in that annex rent-free, and he and his family have told me that I’m more than welcome to live there with him if we want to experience having our own place/cooking meals together, etc whilst saving up to buy our first house.
We’ve been together for 5 years, and being able to experience living together independently without paying rent seemed like a nice idea, but I wasn’t sure about the idea of leaving my own family home to do that.
I feel pretty hesitant because it’s really helpful for my mum to have me around to help out with my brother, and I’m also her main source of emotional support.
My dad looks after my brother 5 hours a day, but he and my mum are separated so he doesn’t live at home, so moving out would leave my mum and brother alone mainly.
I mentioned the idea of moving out briefly to my mum and she totally freaked out.
She basically said that because my partner’s family is wealthier they’re taking away her daughter, and that she and my brother need me for support. She said it wouldn’t be an issue if we were buying our own place, but that me moving in where his family is feels like me abandoning her and that it’s too soon.
I’ve said that I’d regularly come around to help out and that this is hypothetical anyway as I haven’t decided what I want to do, but she really doesn’t want it to happen.
Neither my mum nor my dad understands why I’d want to move into the annex, but I’ve said that it’s just nice to be able to experience living with the person I love while we can’t afford our own place and experiencing a little bit more independence.
Plus our home has a lot of issues with black mold and is cluttered (hoarding family) so I can never have people round much, so a cleaner environment would be nice. I honestly am still not sure what I want to do, but my mum’s reaction has made me feel like she possibly has an unhealthy dependence on me that makes me want to withdraw a bit.
But then another part of me thinks that’s just me being very selfish – she’s a very loving mum. So, what do you guys think? I need some guidance.”
Another User Comments:
“You owe nothing. You are being used. No one is taking you away.
You have your own life. Their situation is not because of you. You were not even empowered to make decisions, so it can’t possibly be your fault. In fact, here you are trying to make your first decision toward independence and they are desperately trying to hold you back.
You are no longer 10. You must leave and make your own life for yourself. Make your own decisions. Do your own things. You can do it. You are not selfish. Put that master’s to work and create your own life. It is normal for kids to leave their parents.
While you still love them, their control over you goes away once you become an adult. You were freed at 18, but your mom didn’t tell you yet. Your mom is selfish. Stealing your life away from you. Making decisions for you. Wanting compensation for you growing up and moving away.
This is the height of selfishness. Demanding things that don’t belong to her. She is the selfish one. Good luck.” AppropriateRip9996
Another User Comments:
“Your mom’s comparison of it would be different if you were buying is a blatant lie. She may not know that today, but she would have the exact same reaction.
It’s very clear she has become dependent on you, probably codependent and I’d wager you’ve also been parentified. Did your dad leave because of the hoarding? That ALONE is reason enough for you to leave. It’s going to be very, very hard, and you probably want to study up on making boundaries.
Firm ones. NTJ.” Tough_Crazy_8362
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ. This is your time. Your brother isn’t your responsibility and neither is your mom’s mental state. Go. Live your life. The longer you stay, the more dependent she’ll become. It’s vitally important that she figure out how to care for your brother without you.
It’s unreasonable to expect that you will always be available to pitch in. It’s also a wonderful opportunity to see how you and your partner do living together. You would be foolish not to run towards that opportunity.” trishsf
21. AITJ For Clapping Back At My Classmate Who Accused Me Of Wasting Food?
“I was at school and I’m still getting grief from some of my classmates for this and this was on Wednesday. But it was senior week and we’re in the 8th grade. I’m 14f and so is the classmate in question.
They were giving out muffins and I took one because I needed to eat something because I had taken an ibuprofen.
I stopped eating my muffin for like two minutes because I was talking with a friend and my classmate said “oh make sure you finish that, there are kids starving in Africa.” And so I tell her like I know but I’m in the middle of a conversation right now.
And she was like “yeah I can see that but there are kids in Africa starving right now and you wasting food isn’t going to help them.” So I told her that there are starving kids everywhere not just Africa.
She then tells me that I’m a bad person because I’m wasting food, and that I’m trying to make the starving kids in Africa seem like a smaller problem than what it was.
Keep in mind I was talking about something completely unrelated to starving kids. So I told her “if it’s such a big thing to you why don’t you help the starving kids in Africa? And just so you know not everyone in Africa is impoverished, it’s a beautiful place to see.” She then got upset and said, “oh I don’t have anything to give them.” So I was just like send them your food then, you’re obviously done with yours.
Multiple classmates told me I was taking it too far. AITJ for what I said?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your classmate started this, and in truth, your muffin wasn’t going to make a difference to a starving child in Africa or anywhere else. America has 12 million starving children, and we waste 108 billion pounds of food per year.
Your classmate was sticking her nose in something that wasn’t her business. All you did was beat her at her own game.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, as someone who is studying history and recently took some classes on African history (all the way up to modern events) your friend is buying into the Western idea that Africa is in a constant state of crisis.
Which, 1. You can’t say an entire continent is in a constant state of crisis because there will always be a nation-state or people who are living in relative peace and 2. As you and others have said there is food insecurity everywhere. To be fair, it’s not your friend’s fault they believe this: the idea of starving children in Africa has been in the Western media for decades now.
But just like how we can’t say how bad things are for North Americans in one city to reflect all of North America (not just the USA), you can’t do it for Africa either. Anyways, you aren’t a jerk!!” casuallyexisting97
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What is she going to do, send a half-eaten muffin to Africa?
As a grown adult who is Filipino, who had the ‘starving relatives back in the Philippines’ spiel from my cousin, I just shoved a half-eaten bowl in her direction and told her to get to it. Whether or not you eat a little or EVERYTHING put in front of you, it changes nothing for anyone else.
Your classmate is a virtue-signalling idiot.” NeallyTeallyReally
20. AITJ For Not Cancelling My Pilates Class For My Fiancé's Last Minute Plan?
“My fiancé (37m) and I (37f) have been living together since December, getting married in October.
Everything is great for the most part, except he is a bit co-dependent, and I’m not at all. (He’s divorced, his previous spouse was super jealous and molded him into codependency IMO.) We don’t have many friends due to living in a new city, and friends have always been really important to me.
I’m training to be a Pilates instructor in my spare time, and have made two really close friends in class who now come with me every Wednesday at 7 pm so I can practice teaching them. It’s been a standing weekly thing since January.
This week, he’s had a stressful work week. Worked later than normal Monday (until 6:30 or so) and Tuesday (10 pm). He asked me at 5 pm today (Wednesday) if I could go out on the boat for sunset and blow off steam together, which we love doing and of course I’d say yes normally.
But it’s Wednesday at 5, so I’d have to last-minute bail on my (only two) friends. I told him I couldn’t because it’s Wednesday and he knows I have Pilates teaching. He got upset, saying he would always choose me over friends, he’s had a rough week, really wants to hang out with me, and it’s not a big deal to cancel.
We didn’t argue really, but I told him I didn’t feel right about canceling last minute, and he knows this Wednesday thing is important to me. I am still going to teach tonight, and he’s going on the boat solo, which is not a big deal to me.
But, now he is upset and said that I’m choosing my friends over him. I feel like it’s unfair for him to ask me to cancel last minute and it’s unreasonable that he’s upset. Nothing crazy happened other than he’s stressed and had to work late…he just wants to go boat and chill and I have something already planned. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If it were something important or an emergency, then that would be different, but hanging out on the boat isn’t either of those things. He can still be your main priority without being your ONLY priority. Does he have his own friends or hobbies that he enjoys?
Have you guys considered premarital counseling? I think it’s always a good idea, but in this case, you guys need to work this out and work through the baggage from his previous relationship.” SoMuchMoreEagle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This was a game-playing power move to see who you would choose.
You don’t choose between SO and friends, your life is much more enriched by having both. The positive spin is what you’re suggesting. But he has to learn to have a life beyond you and for him to respect he’s not in competition with your friends.
I know some would want to say, “but he was stressed!” except there will always be stress. Doesn’t sound like an emergency. He’s being manipulative so it’s time to have a heart-to-heart about his insecurities.” Electronic-Smile-457
Another User Comments:
“I’m going with no jerks here.
I get he’s had a tough few days this week and he wants to decompress with you. You have an established routine with your friends and it wouldn’t be cool to cancel last minute. What about tomorrow for a decompression date? Maybe suggest to him having a regular decompression day – make Thursdays your day or whichever day works to go out on the boat or something else.
I think it’d be a good idea to try going out where you can meet other couples since your fiancé hasn’t made friends yet. Whatever you’re interested in, wine tastings, bowling, whatever that would get you both out where there are others you can strike up an acquaintance with.
Someone else suggested therapy for your fiancé because of the trauma from his previous marriage. That’s a very good thing to consider since he’s still dealing with the fallout from that.” Global_Look2821
19. AITJ For Not Wanting To Interact With My Fiancé's Friend's Partner At Our Wedding?
“My (24F) fiance (29M) and I are newly engaged and currently in the process of wedding planning.
One of his good mates in college (potentially part of the wedding party) has a serious partner of 3 years who has been on multiple double dates and group hangouts with us. We have each other added on social media and maintained a decent friendship up until 3 months ago when she commented on our engagement announcement post saying (jokingly) that my fiance’s facial expression looks so unnatural as if he’s being forced. I find this outrageous and can’t possibly understand why anyone would say something like this to a bride-to-be instead of simply congratulating the couple.
Before this specific incident, this girl has occasionally made multiple negative remarks that made me uncomfortable. I’ve always chosen to let it slide for the sake of my fiance and his friendship, however, this incident with my engagement announcement is the final straw for me.
For the past few months, I have been refusing to talk to her or show up to any social gathering if she is there, and have directly told my fiance that I do not wish to continue being friends with someone who lacks common sense and doesn’t even think before they speak.
My fiance is still close friends with her partner and might ask him to be one of his groomsmen. I understand that extending a plus-one to members of the wedding party is the right thing to do. I don’t mind him bringing her as his plus-one as long as I don’t have to talk or interact with this person.
Since it’s my wedding day, I genuinely don’t want to hear any of her inconsiderate, unsolicited opinions about my dress, my appearance, or the preparation of the event that might ruin my mood for the day. She had a real tendency to do this and I just don’t want to risk spoiling the vibes on what’s supposed to be the happiest day of my life.
My fiance thinks it might come off as rude if I don’t personally address an invitation to her and avoid her like the plague at the wedding since we’ve always been friendly up until this point with no explanation given on why I completely cut her off.
I would prefer not to start any drama or ruin my fiance’s friendship of 10 years, which would definitely hurt his feelings and affect our relationship, especially since he doesn’t have many close friends who have been in his life for so long. But I also really don’t want to interact with that partner of his friend ever again, let alone personally invite her to my wedding.
WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It was just a throwaway comment about a funny face and there’s nothing deeper to it. Also ‘generally negative’ is a very vague character flaw – I’m getting no sense that she’s planning on coming in and disrespecting your wedding dress or makeup choices.
You’ve established no pattern of negative behavior on her part and her comment seems innocuous. I seriously doubt she’ll say anything bad to you and suspect you exaggerated this part. Do you think it might be jealousy? Maybe insecurity? You could convince me otherwise by providing actual examples of bad things she’s said but you seem to be struggling with this.
Open ears here when you’re ready to talk specifics… Addressing her as +1 when you know her name and have been out with her several times is quite cold and here I would agree with your fiancé. Also if you’ve never confronted this woman because of respect for your husband’s old friend then why are you rocking the boat now?
Honestly, when people blow up over small things like this and just cut people out of their lives it just reads to me that they love drama or are immature. It’s very boring. Go and have fun planning your wedding and forget about this nothing issue.” Leland_Gaunt_
Another User Comments:
“Not a jerk for the way you feel, but YTJ for how you’re handling the situation. You can’t just cut someone off without explanation, especially when they’re part of your close friend group. You don’t actually even know if these comments are malicious because you’ve never confronted the issue.
This shunning routine has probably already made you look bad, and denying her an invite to the wedding will be worse.” pppjjjoooiii
This leads me to think it's you.
18. AITJ For Calling My Friend A Failure At Their Graduation Party?
“My friend (Y) recently graduated from their university with a BA in Literature (of all things, everyone can read). Y has always, in my opinion, been super egotistical and kind of full of themselves with little regard for others.
They usually hate being around people (they’ve said this) and say parties are a nightmare for them because of anxiety but they ended up throwing a graduation party anyway (?).
I was invited along with the rest of our friend group (like 7 people), and during the party apparently, Y offhandedly said something about getting their degree in the wrong thing because they found out later they wanted to go into some art career and needed something other than literature for their BA.
I came into the later portion of the conversation and Y’s partner (D) was trying to cheer them up about their ‘failures’.
Here’s where I might be the jerk: I got sick of hearing all of this and kind of snapped and agreed that Y was indeed a failure.
Like, they’re not the worst, but Y did get their degree in Art but the ‘wrong kind of art’ apparently, instead of doing STEM or business or something. Also, they’re working full-time as a manager in a poor business, they also complain about money but don’t live with their parents or something to help with costs, they just make a lot of questionable decisions about their life.
They kinda got quiet, before awkwardly smiling and suggesting everyone watch a movie. But they went to their room after, and D asked me to leave early.
Everyone says I’m the jerk because I could have handled it better, D won’t talk to me, but I think I was just helping state the obvious.
Maybe they can work towards something better now and everyone can stop coddling them. I’d want people to be honest with me about these things, and Y’s autistic so I assumed they’d appreciate my honesty.”
Another User Comments:
“”In Literature (of all things, everyone can read)” YTJ for that alone.
That level of condescension is indicative that you are unpleasantly judgy and self-righteous. You then seem to imply that someone who is not the biggest partier has no right to celebrate their graduation – more jerk behavior and we have not even gotten to your question yet.
You then dig further into this hole by going to the party, jumping into a conversation you were not a part of to pile on someone during an emotionally vulnerable conversation. You somehow insist that you are justified because of something with their job and living situation as if that would cover for YOU being a jerk.
They handled the situation with infinitely more grace than you did, and more than you deserved. You went to their house just to insult them and they didn’t immediately order you off the property? You are the failure here. You owe them a public apology, but if they are not talking to you, that is their right after what you did.” mmahowald
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Let me guess, you’re one of those people that likes to be “brutally honest”, aren’t you? Just an FYI, those people are jerks almost 100% of the time. Your comments were harsh criticisms and hurtful jabs that you’re trying to pass off as being constructive.
They weren’t. What you said, and how you said it, comes across as super condescending and judgmental. I can feel the smugness dripping out of every word you typed. People who went to school for literature or art degrees are not inferior to people who went to school for STEM or business.
And your attitude and superiority complex towards those degrees is nauseatingly condescending. Honestly, it seems like you only hang out with these people because you think that you’re better than them and can treat them like dirt. Why are you friends with them otherwise? You don’t seem to like them very much.
In this post alone you’ve: admitted to calling them a failure at their own graduation party, mocked their degree that they worked hard to earn, implied that they’re lying about their anxiety about having a (small) party to celebrate their accomplishment, and judged all of their life decisions (like choosing not to live with their parents).
If that’s how you treat your “friends”, then I’d hate to be your enemy. Honestly, you’re such an absurd jerk that this is coming across as a troll post and rage bait. If this is real, then I’ll take the time to be “honest” with you: you’re a jerk.” Rygumb
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. There is nothing wrong with studying the humanities and arts, your condescension on this subject alone makes you a huge jerk. But you say you snapped and I honestly can’t see a single thing in this post that would merit snapping?
Nothing offensive in any way was being said, other than your own contributions. You are not this person’s friend. You clearly don’t like them nor do you respect them. Do them a favor and get out of their life.” sr9876
17. AITJ For Refusing To Spend Time With My Dad's Partner?
“My dad gets a new partner every couple of years. He tends to pick women who take advantage of him financially and emotionally. When my dad is in a relationship, it’s as if he’s a puppet on strings for all his decision-making.
His taste in movies, the house he bought, and his religious beliefs are all dictated by someone else. As usual, he worships the ground his partner walks on all while treating his family like garbage, particularly his children.
A situation occurred when my dad came to my house uninvited and did something that crossed my boundaries.
My dad’s partner (let’s call her Bonnie) was with him. I was clear with my dad that what he did wasn’t okay. His defense was that Bonnie said he did nothing wrong – implying that I must be the wrong one because Bonnie knows best.
I don’t desire to become closer to my dad’s current partner. My view is that I don’t have to like her and that’s okay. I already know what I need to know. And my dad can be with who he wants whether I dislike them or not.
So I asked my dad if we could spend time together just the two of us. So we went out to dinner and it went well. We both agreed we should get together again like this soon. The next day I texted him asking when we could get together again.
But now he’s changed his stance and says he will not see me unless Bonnie is there too. So… I said no.
I’m just so over the nonsense and the weirdness. I feel like he’s trying to force Bonnie on me or she’s trying to impose on my relationship with my dad and he’s just letting her.
I can’t imagine acting like this towards my kids. I guess I’m not seeing my dad anymore. Does that make me the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, wth?? Is he like a little kid who needs a babysitter to see his OWN children? I think your dad’s only wish is to have someone by his side – even though every woman you mentioned was a bad choice – he just needs someone and he only sees that person.
He’s definitely not doing it on purpose to hurt you, he just needs direction if it makes sense? If I were you I would suggest to the both of you to go to therapy because that’s the only way he will understand that he was in the wrong and try to reconnect with you.” xteo20
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m so sorry that this is happening. This just means that you won’t be seeing your dad for a while until he grows up. This sounds like the kind of ultimatum that a 20-year-old would give to their family in an attempt to get them to accept their significant other, not someone’s fully grown father.
He’s undeserving of your time and energy. Hopefully Bonnie moves on soon so you and your father can have a talk and potentially sort this out. Maybe a different therapist will be more successful in helping to mend your relationship. If not, the most important takeaway I have is that this is NOT your fault.
Your dad is just being very selfish right now and not thinking long-term or like a father. You deserve to spend your time, energy, and effort on people who can and WILL give you that same effort back. I hope that you’re able to find a relationship that satisfies those requirements, and can potentially be a father figure, from someone else at some point.
Good luck, OP. You deserve better.” Affectionate_Salt351
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your dad is choosing Bonnie over you and she’s manipulating him (which sounds like something he’s into?). She probably dislikes you and your dad being close as it hinders her efforts of manipulating and isolating him so she’s demanded she be present at all his meetings with you.
You don’t need to go along with it. Just be forward with Dad. “I’d love to see you, but only if Bonnie is not around. She does not respect my boundaries and I don’t like being around her. If you’d like to spend solo time with me, give me a call otherwise we can talk on the phone.”” Reddit User
16. AITJ For Telling My Half-Siblings That Their Dad Isn't My Dad?
“I’m 16f and live with my mom, stepdad, and my younger half-siblings. My dad died 9 years ago and my mom married Dave 6 years ago. My half-siblings are 7f, 6m, 5f, and 3m. My mom and Dave call him my dad, they refer to themselves as my parents, but I only ever use his name, and use his name in conversation with others.
We’ve had so much therapy together to try and find a way forward with me calling Dave dad but it’s not going to happen.
My siblings have been calling me out for calling him Dave a lot in the last six months. I told Mom she needs to talk to them and explain it because I will if they don’t.
She told me I will never talk to them about it because it’s not my place. We ended up in a fight over it. I have pushed for the last several months but I had enough so three days ago they brought it up again and the 7 year old told me I was being mean and rude and that we don’t call our parents their first names.
So I sat the older three down and told them Dave is not my dad. My dad died and mom married Dave when she already had me. I even showed them a photo of my dad. They asked why I didn’t call both dad. I said because I don’t want to.
There was pushback on it which Dave overheard, then he and my mom got super upset, we fought, they said it was not my place and told me I had no right. My stuff was taken as a punishment but I’m at a family member’s house for a few days and they’re letting me use the internet again.
So yeah, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Definitely your right to call your stepdad however is most comfortable to you. As long as you’re calling him by his name in a respectful tone, then I don’t get why they care so much. I have a half-brother (same dad).
I always knew he was a half-brother and who his mom was. I don’t recall him ever calling my mom “mom” like I do – he always addressed her respectfully by name. It was no big deal to me or anyone else. I’m curious why your mom is so adamant about you calling your stepdad “dad”.
That’s an odd thing to get hung up on…” MomoEiko
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am sorry for your loss. I am sorry for the turmoil in your home being created by your mom and stepdad. They have no right to dictate to you that Dave must be accepted as your father.
They also are neglecting their responsibility to ease tensions in your sibling relationships when they try to force the matter of calling Dave Dad. They could have told them to knock it off and leave you be without broaching the blended family issue, which is a stupid thing to hide anyway, but they made a choice to let the smalls heckle you until you told them the truth.
It wouldn’t have been an issue if they never faked your history, but how callous and thoughtless to not intervene or better: live the truth. You had a loving father and Dave is a bonus, not a replacement, you and your mom grieve and also cherish the expansion of your family.
No need to weirdly pretend that isn’t the reality.” wildferalfun
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Like others said, Dad is a title that comes when you feel that connection, not when someone marries your mom. I have a step-mom and step-dad. Granted, my dad married when I was in my 20s and my mom in my 40s, but I don’t call either of them Mom or Dad.
If Dave wants that, he needs to build it not just expect it. And taking away your stuff will just cause resentment, not compliance. You also get to be connected to your actual dad, and not erase him. not sure why they need to erase your dad, but that is on them.
Things you CAN say: “Dad is a title that is earned, not given. If or when I’m ready, I’ll give it to you. I’m not ready to say that yet. I do hope we develop that connection someday though.” (even if you don’t, give the dude some hope) “Please stop trying to erase my dad from my life.
He is still important to me, and it makes it hard to grieve when you don’t let me speak about him.” Drag0nqueen
15. AITJ For Insisting My Mother Takes Both My Kids For The Weekend?
“I (26f) have two daughters (4yr & 9mo), and my mother has expressed interest in taking my oldest for a weekend coming up. My husband’s 30th bday is coming up and I told her she could take my oldest and I asked if she could take the youngest as well for that weekend so I can throw him a surprise party.
She said she’d only take my oldest even though less than a month ago myself and my husband talked to her about taking both girls for a weekend, to which she agreed.
I know having a 9-month-old may be challenging, especially with having another child added to the mix.
Both my girls were amazing babies, my oldest is very independent and likes doing things for herself and my youngest only ever gets upset if she’s hungry or teething, but is easy to calm.
My mother would constantly ask me for my oldest when she was a baby, even before she hit the 6-month mark.
Now she doesn’t want to make my 9-month-old because “it will be a lot of work” her words exactly. Both my father and sister will be there and I know my oldest would be hanging off my sister and dad, plus they have a seater and playpen that my youngest can go into.
I know they’ll comment in the future about wishing they saw my youngest more. Because they did with my youngest.
I work 12 hr days and nights and don’t get much time to myself or have an opportunity to have a weekend completely kid-free. I love my kids but sometimes you have to let some steam off.
This is the first weekend in a long time (approx. 5 years) that I have an excuse to not have the kids around.
I want to cancel and say my MIL will watch both the girls for that weekend. I don’t want to hurt my mom’s feelings, but I don’t want to split up my girls.
They make each other happier than anyone else ever could, they love each other’s company. I’m concerned that if she’s to only take one she’ll only ever take one and the other will be left out.
My husband wants me to tell her if she won’t take both she can’t have just one, and if she continues this then she won’t get the girls until they are older and we won’t be going up for visits (they live about 2 hrs away) which means I’d have to go pick up my oldest then go pick up my youngest at another location.
I don’t want my mom to get offended and really upset by this. I especially don’t want to do that to my kids.
My dilemma is I’m not sure how to approach a situation where either way I’ll have someone upset with me.
WIBTJ? What should I do?”
Another User Comments:
“”My husband wants me to tell her if she won’t take both she can’t have just one, and if she continues this then she won’t get the girls until they are older and we won’t be going up for visits.” YTJ.
Yes, her changing her mind about taking both is a pain but it’s fundamentally different taking a 4-year-old out vs a 9-month-old. You didn’t say WHAT they were going to do but imagine it was taking your 4-year-old to a theme park suitable for 3-7yr olds, it’s understandable she’d only take your 4-year-old.
The fact that you’re suddenly threatening no contact and no visits based on this is major jerk behavior. Checking favoritism on that age gap is just bizarre. The simple fact is, the 4-year-old can go do stuff the 9-month-old simply can’t. It seems like you’re creating an issue that isn’t there just because you want time to yourself… which is understandable, but goodness me, don’t go to THOSE unreasonable lengths to do that.” Mr_Ham_Man80
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ – If your mom finds the 9mo too challenging, then why argue with that? At least she’s being honest, but she shouldn’t be punished for that. I understand that your kids are super close, but it’s actually a good thing for them to have a night or two apart every now and then.
Imagine how much attention your oldest will get from your mom, and how much attention your youngest will get from whoever looks after her. YTJ (& partner too). It seems quite snide and selfish that you’re both in the mindset of “if she can’t have both then she has none” because it doesn’t fit in with your plans to party.” TaongaAroha
Another User Comments:
“My mom lets us go to relatives’ for sleepovers and sometimes not all of us go. You seem to want your girls to stay together, but sometimes your children will benefit from one-on-one attention, so why is it an issue to split up your daughters?
One goes to MIL and the other goes to your mom? Then tell your mom that next time it will be switched. Then after that, it should be together? I have fond memories of going out to movies and eating special dinners with my aunt without having to share her with my other siblings.
I treasure these memories because it was rare to get one-on-one attention from relatives like that. No judgement because it is your children, but the fact your mom only asks for one child I would say ask her if she is willing to take the other girl next time?” AlternativeAlias42
14. AITJ For Not Going On A Girls' Trip To A House My Two-Timing Husband Used?
“My friend and I had planned a girls’ trip. We were supposed to stay at my parents’ summer home and were supposed to leave last Saturday.
But a few days prior my husband confessed he was leaving me for another woman and he actually said he had stayed at the summer home with her when he told me he was visiting family. So I couldn’t bear it and asked her if we could go somewhere else.
She said no and that we have to go there because I promised and I ended up not going at all. I gave her the key and she went alone but has been calling all week that I’m a bad friend who cares about men more than friends and that I don’t keep my promises.
I think she’s being demanding but maybe I’m the one needing a reality check. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The house has had sentimental value to you and your husband and he used it to lie and betray you. That house, especially right now, has a bad connotation to it.
Your friend should be understanding and supportive of you. You didn’t even want to cancel the trip, you just wanted to go somewhere else but she was being the jerk by forcing you to go to YOUR PARENTS’ summer house because of her selfish reasons when she knew what happened. You’re a good friend by giving her the key and letting her go without you, but she doesn’t seem like a good friend to you.
Especially in a time like this.” Thiccc-Pickle9419
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A reality check is definitely needed, but not by you. I am appalled that not only did your friend pressure you to go, but that she also put a burden about friends on you at what must be an awful time of your life.
You’re not going through a breakup with a partner. (1) this is your husband (2) he’s leaving you (3) he’s leaving you for someone else (4) he had an affair (5) he had an affair at the place you’re supposed to stay. I would get rid of this “friend” immediately!
A friend would commiserate with you, ask if you’re doing okay, do something nice for you, etc. She’s not a friend.” ClothesQueasy2828
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she was really your friend, she would have canceled her trip and stayed home with you, lounging around the house and bingeing on junk food, or whatever else gets you through the trauma you’re currently experiencing.
The very least she could have done was agree to a change of venue. Not only have you lost your husband, but it seems you’ve also lost a “friend”. I hope you have a supportive family, other friends, or a therapist in your corner, in addition to a good lawyer.” Sometimeswan
13. AITJ For Refusing To Help My Overweight Mom With Her Diet Anymore?
“I’m an adult female at 130lbs and 5’8″. My mom is almost 60 and bordering 300lbs at 5’9”.
My whole life she’s done ALL the fad diets. When they (meaning she) didn’t work, she quit and would gain more than what she lost.
4 months ago she asked me to help her with her diet.
I initially told her no, since I’m abrasive and I don’t have a relationship with food at all. She LOVES food to the point she moans and talks (while eating current meal) about the next meal. If we have breakfast, she’s just craving lunch already while still eating.
Personally, that disgusts me, but whatever, that’s my mom.
Well, she manipulated me into saying yes. We laid out ground rules, and off we went. Hahaha NOPE. Anytime I tried to tell her she shouldn’t be eating something she would get upset and say “I’m a grown woman!
I can eat what I want.”
Skip to yesterday. She eats an entire pizza to herself (14″) and then proceeds to unwrap the boxed-up and carded cheesecake that was for my husband. I told her she can’t have any since it was for hubby’s birthday, and I would like to take it home.
This woman… I swear I should have stopped her, but I was so flabbergasted she could move that fast. She legit takes the box and SPRINTS into her bedroom where she proceeds to eat half of it. (We are talking like 4 slices) when she came out I yelled at her saying “I’m so done ‘helping’ you when all you seem to do is just sabotage yourself because you have ZERO self-control.
You’re almost 60! It’s about time you learned how to put down the fork.” I took my kids and went home.
So, let the judging begin.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, that seems like a really difficult situation, you shouldn’t have to put yourself through that, you trying at all shows that you really do care about her despite everything.
Also, and this isn’t meant to excuse her behavior, I’m no psychiatrist but it seems like she might have an eating disorder. I would encourage her to seek professional help – like a therapist or psychiatrist who specializes in eating disorders.” bluejayhope
Another User Comments:
“I wouldn’t say you’re a jerk for being frustrated. At your height and weight, you really shouldn’t be dieting, but I get that you’ve been trying to help her. As a person who does have weight to lose, I can tell you that it is hard.
I swear I get fat on air. Anyways, what you’ve described here doesn’t sound normal to me at all. I think your mother might have issues that require professional attention. I don’t think fad or crash diets will help her, and unfortunately, it isn’t always as simple as “put the fork down”.
She has an unhealthy relationship with food. Maybe might have a slight addiction to it, idk. Maybe she has mental issues that fuel her need to eat on top of that, we aren’t sure. But I think she needs help that regular people can’t provide.
I’d suggest a doctor for her, see what they think. She really needs to be honest with them about all of her issues. They might suggest dieticians, therapists or whatever else. Don’t feel bad for not being able to help her, but do try to be more gentle.
It’s frustrating, but she clearly has issues. No jerks here.” onedayatatime08
Another User Comments:
“Wow the people on here are… something else. It sounds like your mom suffers from disordered eating in the form of binging. Soft YTJ for your attitude towards her and soft YTJ to your mom for eating your husband’s cake like that.
Instead of looking at her eating habits as disgusting, try to understand that this isn’t just about lack of will, it is an issue of mental health that is far beyond your capabilities of helping. I wouldn’t help her with any type of diet but offer your support in her reaching out to professionals (therapy and nutritionists) to get to the root of her problem safely.
Eating disorders are serious and there’s no singular type of body that can be affected by them. I hope she gets the help she needs and I hope you can play a role in that.” laztastic14
12. AITJ For Selling My Grandpa's Car Instead Of Letting My Partner Buy It?
“My grandpa passed away a few years ago and my grandma let me have his car.
I used it for 2 years then bought my own nice car and was thinking of selling it then but my partner wanted to use it. He couldn’t afford to buy a car but needed one. We settled on him paying gas and insurance and paying me $400 a month for the car for depreciation and maintenance.
I decided to sell the car since used car prices are still high and give it to my grandma since she has had a few heart attacks and could use the money. I know she gave me the car but I don’t need the money and I think it’s fair it goes back to her.
I checked out some similar cars in the area and the market price was around $11,000.
I wanted to sell it for $10,000 to sell it quicker and my partner wanted to buy it. He only had $6000 saved and wanted me to count all the money he paid to me for using it around $4000 as his payment.
I don’t think it’s fair because we never agreed to a rent-to-own and if he rented the car at a car rental it would be like $1000 a month. I told him I was selling for market value or he could get a loan for the $4000 but he said he doesn’t want to pay the interest but would pay monthly to me but I don’t want that because if he is unable to pay anymore or something happens to the relationship I’d be selling it lower than I should.
He also doesn’t want me to sell it because he doesn’t have another ride. I still posted it and it sold in 3 days at asking. I gave the money to my grandma and she is happy but my partner is annoyed because he no longer has a ride and he is taking a bus 2 hours each way to work.
He thinks I’m the jerk for not selling to him and giving him time to pay for the car.”
Another User Comments:
“Slight YTJ. Yes, legally, you are 100% in the right. But if I was your partner – I’d be extremely miffed. $400/month on a car worth 11k?
I agree you never had an official ‘rent to own’ thing or anything… but sheesh, it seems like he’d have at least earned “something” towards it. The fact he could immediately give you 6 of the 10k and was willing to continue paying you back the other 4k?
Unless there is a lot of context missing here, you are the jerk for treating your partner like this. If he did something to deserve it – I mean, then just break up with the guy, and find a new partner.” SDstartingOut
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Rule 1 when selling a vehicle. Never sell a vehicle to a friend or someone you like. This can come back to haunt you in just about any way possible. From mechanical issues, payment issues, or a number of unforeseen issues. So even if your partner had the full amount, it’s still not a good idea.
Giving the money to your grandma was a good call. She helped you when you needed it and paid her back for it.” DisGruntledDraftsman
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – a lot of people are complaining about the $400 a month fee….he now commutes 4 hours a day…..that is a huge amount of wear and tear on a vehicle!
Lots of oil changes, tire replacements, and high mileage kill resale value. So at least 150-200 miles a day! Partner couldn’t lease a car putting that kind of mileage on it a day! That’s a lot better deal than buying a beater with high mileage and breaking down every week!
Partner still wanted a deal on the car…..which would have taken money from your grandmother…..you should be happy you sold it when it at least had some value left before he continued to drive the wheels off it!” Individual-Fuel1177
11. AITJ For Asking My Vacationing Sister To Come Home Early To Complete Her School Registration Form?
“My sister left for vacation on the other side of the country last week and today she received by e-mail her school registration form that she has to complete and send before the 14th. However, she has been planning to stay on vacation for two more weeks and therefore, she won’t come home soon enough to complete her registration form.
She asked me to do it for her instead.
She sent me it and the thing is more than 30 pages, each one has to be printed and completed and this requires me to search for a lot of papers that she doesn’t even remember where she put them in her room.
I also have to sign every page in her stead, but I don’t feel like I should do it, especially because her signature is quite complicated for me to replicate. Maybe not objectively complicated but I am particularly challenged when it comes to using my hands.
She can’t complete it herself while she’s away because her partner doesn’t have a printer and the papers she needs are at home, and some of the pages have to be completed by our parents. It’s either she comes home earlier than what she originally planned or I complete it for her.
I would do it if it was a shorter and easier registration form, but when I look at what is required by the form I just feel overwhelmed. Many of the things needed I have no idea where they are, or what they are. There are many things that I don’t understand (it’s a private school so there are things I am not familiar with, I only have had public education) and my mother is already irritated because we don’t quite understand what kind of information we have to give.
There are pages where you have to check what applies to my sister, but we just don’t know what is relevant to my sister.
And what surely irritates me the most is that she doesn’t answer messages. I understand that she’s having fun but I don’t think she should allow herself not to be available when she asked me to complete more than 30 pages of something that only she knows best. I would like to sit and complete the entire thing in one go since I have spent the previous weeks completing my own paperwork and thought I was done with it.
Paperwork in my country is a nightmare to go through, but now I have to complete another thing that I don’t understand and on top of that she doesn’t answer me at all, so I will have to wait for her to answer here and there to be able to slowly progress.
And that irritates me. I hate paperwork and even more so when I can’t complete the darn thing in one go.
Will I be the jerk if I ask my sister to come home early so that she has the time to complete it and send it in time herself?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “Sorry Sis, I’ve tried but I can’t complete your paperwork for you so I’ll leave you to deal with it as you see fit.” Done. You tried to help her with her responsibility but you can’t so that’s the end of it.
You tried. Hand it back to her. It’s only her problem to resolve and her stress to feel and manage. Also never sign anything for anyone else. Anyone who expects you to has already discarded any concerns towards you and should be treated with the same level of consideration.
That doesn’t mean you treat them badly, it just means you maintain a distance that allows you to sidestep such thoughtless, inappropriate requests.” mangonlime
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t have any obligation to do this for her, especially if she can’t even give you the time to reply to messages.
But if you wanted to give her a final chance to sort it out long distance then you could try telling her to block out an afternoon and FaceTime you until the form is fully completed. That way you can go through the document with her step by step and she is there to immediately answer any questions so that you can get it over and done with.
Though again, you aren’t obliged to do that for her at all.” Table_Scraps90
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You aren’t obligated to do this. It is her problem, not yours. Now here’s how to handle it. If you are willing to do it.
Time: This is time-consuming.
She has to agree to an hourly rate for your time, in writing.
Signatures: Don’t sign them. Once everything is done. Scan everything into a PDF and e-mail it to her. She can then go through on a smartphone or tablet. Put the PDF into markup mode and sign them with her finger.
There are apps for this. She could also go to a print shop, print them, sign, scan, and email back. Photos of signed documents are not acceptable.
Questions: She has to make time to answer questions. If she doesn’t. That’s her problem. Add that to your written agreement.
This will include a daily scheduled video call. She will return emails and text messages twice daily at specified times.
Default: If she defaults on the above conditions. It is no longer your problem. She’ll have to return early from vacation. She’ll also owe you for any time you put into it.
Again, in writing.” Velocityg4
10. AITJ For Returning My Neighbor's Trash They Left In My Bin?
“Our family home is owned by my brother and it’s in a rural part of Ireland. My brother is single and works and lives in Dublin Mon to Friday returning to the family home on Friday evening.
I can work remotely and have a room in the home so work there maybe one week a month (it’s nice to get out of the big smoke).
We produce very little rubbish but nevertheless have paid for our bins. My sister who lives close by will put them out the night before if I am not there and my brother is home on Friday so he takes them in.
This week I am home and spending lots of time outside (thanks for the weather).
I notice our bin is overflowing, I check and there are two large bin bags beside it.
I had a fairly good idea who had done it so donned a pair of rubber gloves and checked the rubbish. Confirmed my suspicion and proceeded to bag up the rubbish again, went to the rightful owner’s house, and returned their rubbish.
They saw me and asked what was I doing and I explained, they said it was their “right” to leave their rubbish with us and we have money (we don’t) and it’s not a problem for us and said they will just bring it back to our house anyway and we can deal with it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, tell them if they come back on your property with trash you’ll call the police for vandalism and trespassing, then do it. Normally I’d recommend trying to stay on good terms with neighbors if possible but these people are entitled and have no courtesy anyway, so it’s wasted manners.
If I was being really petty, I’d strew it across their front yard the second time I brought it back to make a point that putting their trash in your bins is more trouble than it’s worth.” danceswithronin
Another User Comments:
“Can you report them for fly-tipping?
We had a similar problem with a house that was my husband’s before we married. We had work to do before we could sell it. One of the neighbors stole the bins, dumped rubbish in our garden, etc. I had to knock at their door to get our bins back (locked in their back garden).
I knew they were ours – I’d numbered them. It got better after I got an empty mail order box filled with their rubbish plonked in our garden. I put it back on their doorstep, phoned the council, and might just have mentioned to a couple of the other neighbors about the fact that that the mail order company was for ‘exotic’ items. Mean of me, but the neighbor had gotten stroppy when I knocked at her door and had pretended to be a police officer… NTJ.” PurpleAquilegia
9. AITJ For Not Wanting My Parents To Track Me?
“I (20F) live about 20 minutes away from my mom (66F) and my dad (63M).
My relationship with my mom has always been close but I have not had a good trusting relationship with my dad since I was about eleven years old. (My parents are still married, but I communicate frequently with my mom.)
Anyway this morning, the trouble all began when I had my phone on silent, woke up, and proceeded to fall back asleep.
During this period of 2.5 hours, I did not check my phone and left it in my bedroom while I was on the couch in the living room of my apartment. I awoke to several missed calls and texts from my mom and dad and then I heard someone unlocking the door.
My mom came rushing in using the emergency key I had given her, fussing at me telling me she was worried sick about me, that she thought I was unconscious because I didn’t answer her texts, etcetera.
During this discussion, she mentioned she saw I was at home.
I asked how and she admitted she and my dad were still using Find My Friends to locate me every day. Last summer when I moved out, my mom had told me she would not be tracking me anymore if it made me upset. I had voiced my opinion to her that it made me upset at the time and she insinuated that I had been deleted from it on both her and my father’s phones.
Now that I have found out they still have it I feel upset. My relationship with my mom has always been so close and I call her nearly every day when I get off work, so I don’t see a reason for her and my dad to be tracking me.
When I voiced this opinion to my dad, he yelled at me saying “We are older, and you better count your lucky stars because when we’re dead you’ll have no one looking out for you!” My mom, in turn, told me that I’m ungrateful and that my friends who aren’t close with their parents would “love to be tracked”.
My parents proceeded to say that even though I handle a lot of my own finances for my age it’s their right to track me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are an adult and have a right to your own privacy. Your parents need therapy to let go of the fact you aren’t a child.
You aren’t horrible for saying it’s invasive, because it is invasive. You need to get a new phone or turn off their ability to track your phone. If you don’t set this boundary now, they are going to continue to be invasive and overbearing.
Normal parents don’t act like this. You also should consider changing your locks and giving a trusted friend an emergency key instead.” PotatoLover-3000
Another User Comments:
“NTJ listen to what your dad said…you’ll have no one looking out for you. That’s very manipulative like they are the only relationships you need. Do they not think you’ll have friends or a partner or anything?
I knew a friend at college whose parents called her friend and leaders of a group she was in because she wasn’t answering her phone for a day. Everybody needs space they do not need to be watching under some watchful eye. Like one user said, maybe as a minor, but as a 20-year-old?
Your parents gave you all their tools and navigation and now it is time to leave the nest and become your own person. How are you supposed to do that if you can’t leave (because you’re tracked). Your parents are what people call “helicopter parents.” They invade all your personal space because they “want what’s best for you” or “to make sure you’re okay.” My friend moved 6 states away to get rid of her parents haha.” Valuable_Macaroon452
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I have to say that when my son was 19 he was in a car accident and ended up in a ravine. Nobody would have found him if I hadn’t been watching to make sure he made it home. I looked because he hadn’t let me know he had made it yet and it was after midnight.
He was also upset (before that) that I would check and make sure he made it places. After that accident he lets me track him. He is now 26 and his wife lets me track her and she tracks me. And her whole family uses it now.
As a matter of fact, my whole family can track each other. Sometimes it is annoying. But we drive a lot and this makes everyone feel better without texting the person while they are driving about where they are. I also found my husband had been in an accident while commuting home from work.
So maybe talk to your parents and tell them they need to trust you and maybe let them track you if you are driving long distances or even if you’re going somewhere you’re concerned about and want someone to know where you are. It sounds like they just need to have some boundaries set.
I also know people won’t agree with me on this and that’s ok. But I am the one who called in about my son’s accident. And I was 2 hours away.” myalternateself
8. AITJ For Not Expressing My Grief Over My Mother's Death To My Father?
“I (18) lost my mother when I was fifteen. It was very difficult for my family, but especially my father. Every day he would cry to me and throw his emotions onto me.
Every. Single. Day. Every day it was “I miss my wife” or “why isn’t she still with us?” I never had a chance to express how I was feeling so I kept it inside.
Fast forward a year later and this still continues, but he learns that my mom was disloyal to him.
Now a new daily topic has come into play. How my mother was a narcissist and how she was so terrible for the things she did to him.
Now mind you, my dad was and still is very toxic and abusive.
Do I agree with my mom for being disloyal?
No. I don’t.
However, imagine losing your mother and having to hear your dad complain day after day about how your mother is such a horrible person and how he apparently wished death on her if she ever was disloyal.
This made me talk about her less and less.
I didn’t want to talk about her because I was so overwhelmed with the things my dad was saying. I just wanted the conversations to be over so I’d say “okay” to everything he said.
Then he started asking why I didn’t care that my mom was dead.
I tried to explain that him talking about it was enough and I didn’t really want to vocalize how I felt because I was tired of talking about it for hours on end every day.
He started to accuse me of not loving my mom and forced me to talk about it when I didn’t want to.
Another two years later and I’m sitting here now, wondering if I’m the jerk for not verbally talking about how I felt about my mom’s death. I just have my own way of coping, and my dad’s constant nagging didn’t help. I love my mother dearly.
I miss her so much, I just don’t like talking about it.
So.. am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m so sorry you’re going through all of this. Sounds more like advice than AITJ, but since you asked… A big reason you don’t understand it is because, apparently, you’re not a narcissist. I’m no mental health professional, but it does sound like both of your parents might fall somewhere on the BPD spectrum.
Almost certainly your dad does. So, stop having these conversations with him. Expect him to react in numerous ways, getting upset, guilting you, etc., while he tries to find a way to get you sucked back in. Ignore all that and get on with YOUR life.
NTJ.” Total-Being-4278
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What the heck is wrong with your father? I get it, the woman he loved betrayed him and died. It doesn’t take away the responsibility that he is a father. It does sound like he was shaky at best before too… which I am so sorry.
You should never have been put through a night of that, let alone 3 years. That is what therapy is for. You are not a therapist, you’re a teen trying to figure your life out (and to be honest probably need a therapist too, especially after this stuff).
You deserve to mourn and he needs to stop talking negatively about a dead mother to their child. Like seriously, that is some emotional abuse.” Vegetable-Box3050
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I lost my mom at sixteen. 21 years later, it’s still something I am experiencing. There’s no right way to grieve and it’s not something that you ever stop doing.
I echo the sentiments that things like grief counseling or just traditional therapy could be beneficial. Your dad definitely needs therapy to cope with this loss. He first was asking for an inappropriate type of emotional support (crying to you every day about missing his late wife) while you are a child!
That’s just not right. Then he was talking negatively about your late mom TO YOU. My dad said something sideways about my mom once I almost hit him. I didn’t, but I made it exceptionally clear that he was not permitted to talk negatively about my late mom.
It never happened again. This is also inappropriate behavior. However, it’s because of the grief so I don’t judge him. He does need to process this with the help of qualified professionals.” jrsproperty7
7. AITJ For Refusing To Be Maid Of Honor At My Sister's Wedding At Our Adoptive Parents' Property?
“My sister asked me to be her maid of honor, we haven’t always been close due to our poor childhood so this was a huge surprise for me when she popped the question.
I accepted before I knew the location of the wedding. A few months before the wedding, I found out that she was having it on our adoptive parents’ property. She wanted something that was easy on the wallet and wanted to be surrounded by the family.
I did not have a good childhood, my adoptive mother mistreated me and I have mental health issues as a result. I didn’t want anything to do with that family, and I haven’t spoken to any of my adoptive family for almost 8 years now. I explained the situation to my sister and we agreed that I could leave right after the vows were finished. Panic swooped in on me as I realized that I would have to see that woman in person, albeit for an hour or so, and I freaked out.
I told my sister that I wasn’t comfortable with being on the farm again and asked her if she would reconsider having it at a different location and even offered to help find one.
We got into a huge argument because it was her big day and she wanted me to be there.
It was a relatively small wedding, so I was bound to run into my adoptive mother at some point, regardless if I stayed for the reception or not. I told my sister, for my sake, that I couldn’t be her maid of honor because of this.
I ended up not going to the wedding at all, and cried when I saw the pictures instead. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You did what was best for you, but you can’t be hurt that your sister continued with her wedding without you.
Gentle suggestion: have you received any therapy for the trauma you went through as a kid? It seems your relationship with your adoptive mom was bad enough to outweigh an ok relationship with your sister. I’m sure there will be future moments where your sister wants you both involved (future baby showers, etc).
Maybe you can work on making progress so you can tolerate your adoptive mom briefly in those situations. But I know that’s not always an option.” NoNonsenseMommaBear
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. You accepted being maid of honor without thinking “Hey, maybe this woman will invite her mother to her wedding”?
You say that you found out a few months before the wedding….when was that in relation to when she asked you? Like, what was she expecting you to do as maid of honor? The two of you literally never spoke anything about the wedding?
It’s not a jerk move to not want to go, but it sounds like you’re just thinking about the title.” Usrname52
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have every right to state your boundaries, and your sister should have respected them. Asking somebody to return to the scene of their childhood trauma is unfair, no matter how special the occasion might seem.
Your sister had two choices: prioritize your attendance, and change the venue, or prioritize the venue and sacrifice your attendance. If your being there was so important, she could have taken steps to make that possible, but unfortunately, she didn’t. I know it must have been horrible to not be there, but you should also be proud of yourself for enforcing your boundaries and prioritizing your mental health, especially in such a difficult situation.” nocturne8d272
6. AITJ For Not Letting My Son Visit His Aunt After She Violated The Custody Agreement?
“I was awarded custody of my son because his mom is not ready to be a parent (substance abuse, abusive partners, and tons more). The judge offered to give her no visitation rights, but I opted for her to have every other weekend supervised visitation (supervised because she ran off with him before).
Since then, I would let him go stay the night/weekend with his aunt every now and then, (his aunt on his mother’s side/I have no relation to her) even though she would say hurtful things to me and try her best to get me worked up.
But the last time she had him she invited his mother behind my back and kept it a secret, but he told me everything and his aunt isn’t on the custody order as a supervisor for visitation, so it was technically a violation of the court order.
Ever since then she has been asking for him to come over continuously and I’ve been ignoring her, because frankly I feel I’m not obligated to respond and I’ve completely lost trust in her.
I feel bad because that’s his aunt and he loves her, but I can’t trust her and am scared that his mother will take off with him again.
It’s not like I am being vindictive, because she would always say mean untrue things to/about me and I still let him go over. It’s not like I don’t want him to see his mom, because the only reason she has visitation rights is because of me and she still rarely does any visitation at all.
I need to know, does this make me a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – That was a super incredibly bad thing for his aunt to do, and manipulative as well on both his mom’s and aunt’s end. Especially going behind your back because they knew you’d say no most likely as you should have.
And you are correct. He is her aunt. Which is exactly why you’re NTJ here. He’s her aunt. Which means she should be looking out for him and protecting him when he’s within her care. Not put him in a potentially traumatizing situation. She failed at being his aunt, and you are just reacting accordingly.
My only advice is if she contacts you again call her out. You can either do it in a civil way or chew her out. Frankly, I think she’s more deserving of the latter but that’s up to you.” singyoulikeasong
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. In writing: “Aunt’s name, I will not be allowing sleepovers with child from this point forward.
You attempted to deceive me concerning bio mom and her unauthorized visitation. Further, you instructed my child to keep this information from me. Through your own actions, you are no longer a safe person for child to be around.” End it there. Do not engage in a back and forth.
Do not make promises or vague comments about “maybe in the future” she can see your child again. Either do not respond to her pleadings once you send this communication or simply answer: “You have been made aware sleepovers are done. There is no discussion.
There is no bargaining.” Good luck! And research a decent family lawyer; have someone on retainer or who can be hired quickly should the aunt attempt to gain visitation rights, etc. It’s better to be prepared than be left scrambling.” Beck2010
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She blew it. Her disturbed sister tried to snatch him and run. She clearly asked for the visits to help her sister circumvent the order. You have every right to think it could happen again. Had she really cared about your son, she would have spent time with him without notifying her sister.
This was about being sneaky. I would have cut her off when she started being nasty to you. That was a sign that she would try to poison your son once you weren’t there. I know it’s rough because she’s your son’s beloved aunt, but there’s too much danger involved. When he gets older, you can tell him why you suddenly cut her off.
For now, it might not hurt to see a professional regarding how to discuss this with him in an age-appropriate way.” Pale_Cranberry1502
5. AITJ For Refusing To Respond To My Middle Name That My Family Insists On Using?
“My parents named me (17f) Sawyer. My middle name is more obviously a girl’s name BUT I love my first name and I don’t love my middle name.
Most of my paternal family hates my first name though. They hate that I’m a girl with a boy’s name. Some family members have tried to convince me I should use my middle name instead. I always told them I love being Sawyer though.
I’m willing to compromise and have people call me by both first and middle name.
But that’s about it.
Only this isn’t good enough and of late more family has been calling me just my middle name. I told them I didn’t like it and they said my first name doesn’t fit me at all, that I’m so girly and sweet that I should have a name that screams girl.
I told them Sawyer fit me perfectly and I always loved having my name be a little unexpected. That it bothers me when people call me by my middle name because I don’t like it at all.
This did not make them stop. So I told them last Saturday that I won’t respond anymore if they just use my middle name.
I was told I was behaving childishly and my middle name is still a part of my name and they should be allowed to call me that.
I told them if they don’t respect my wishes, then why should I respect theirs, when this is my name?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Excuse me, your family wants to call you by your middle name instead of your first name, you object, and they think you’re the one who’s being childish? Hmmm. Nope, they got it backward. Feel free to respond only to your first name.
But my suggestion would be that you have your father lay down the law with his family on your behalf. You get to have a voice and speak for yourself, but the issue will probably be resolved to your satisfaction more efficiently if he intervenes for you.
NTJ.” Nester1953
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents gave you that name and you’ve answered to it all this time; it’s no one else’s decision but yours once you’re old enough to express a preference. I remember asking my kindergarten teacher to please let me use my preferred short form of my name in class because I had a preschool teacher who both insisted on my given name AND said it with the worst nasal, drawn-out drone I’d ever heard.
She made me hate my given name more than the rough home life already had, and while my teacher got it, there was this one old battleaxe of an “aide” who just did whatever she could to needle students about stuff like that. Mike was “Michael” no matter what, and the Brian who said we should call him Joey since there were two Brians in the same class was chewed out for “being nosey” when she’d only use Brian but wanted the other student (he was scared not to answer her so he wouldn’t get dragged around by the arm getting told off for ignoring her if he didn’t guess correctly).
I have always been blunt, so I told her to her face that she was mean and smelled bad and I wouldn’t pay any attention to her until she could at least be nice, but the other children were awful to her. If 5-year-olds can see it’s a jerk move to rename someone for your own enjoyment, Idk why your extended family can’t, but stick to your guns on this.
You choose your identity as you grow and mature. Don’t go off about it, but don’t back down.” BeckyDaTechie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I have the opposite problem of you. I share my father’s first name but not middle name so my entire life I’ve been called by my middle name and I prefer it.
Recently I started a new job and my supervisor called me by my first name and I said I actually prefer my middle name, please. He said no I like your first name and I said ok but I won’t respond to it. He looked a little shocked but calls me by my middle name now.
My youngest son who is 21 years old is named after my grandfather (first name) which I picked and my ex picked his middle name. We talked about it before he was born and decided we’d call him by his middle name. Which we did and everything was smooth until he was about 12-13 years old.
By this time his mother and I had divorced and he told me he didn’t like his middle name and wanted to go by his first name. I simply said ok son and I’ve called him by his first name since. My mother on the other hand said she would not be calling him by his first name and I said that’s fine I guess you won’t be calling him at all.
It changed her tune pretty quickly.” Temporary-Earth9110
4. AITJ For Telling My SIL She Shouldn't Be A Teacher If She Can't Let Go Of Student Conflicts?
“My SIL is 30. She’s a middle school teacher.
I have zero clue whether she’s the most disliked teacher, the best teacher, the most liked teacher, or whatever, but this is about something that happened last weekend.
The school year is way past over, and my SIL lives South, so she drove over. She and my wife were talking about job experiences or whatever, and my SIL brought up some experiences with students; the normal. She said something about a student doing x, she did y, the student got a punishment.
The next day, SIL acts a certain way toward the student. In the “I’m not finished with yesterday” type way. She had many examples of this same behavior. And I say “Honestly, if you can’t put one day behind the other, especially when it comes to conflicts with children, teaching probably isn’t for you.”
Eventually, when SIL leaves, my wife says that was “rude,” but in my opinion, I was saying it how it is.
AITJ? SIL seemed to brush over my comment after that one awkward moment of silence.”
Another User Comments:
“I get both sides because I’ve worked with kids of all ages but I was also the student that wished teachers would just move on.
Sometimes the tension would escalate and the whole time the kid was just having a bad day. As an educator, I try to move on and give them grace but not everybody can do that & at middle school age, they should know what they’re doing has effects on people’s feelings around them regardless of age.
However, it is important to me that they don’t see it as me “holding a grudge” but more as “this is how you made me feel.”” PicklePeachh
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I’m a teacher and I hear comments like this a lot. They’re usually from kids though.
At the risk of sounding arrogant, I am that loved teacher. The one that is most kids’ favorite. I only say that so you know I’m not speaking from a place of bitterness. While it’s good practice to try and start each day fresh and give the student another chance, what most people forget about teachers is that WE ARE HUMAN.
That means we have emotions. It means we can’t hide those emotions 100% of the time. It means sometimes we’ll get frustrated, especially if we are going around in circles with a kid, and struggle to keep giving them a fresh start. Teaching is a very emotional job.
You grow strong attachments to your students. In a lot of situations, teachers actually spend more time with their students than the kids’ parents do. That’s also over several years. There are ups and downs. When people vent to their friends and family about their jobs, they usually share the negative.
It’s because they are feeling stressed and need a safe space to get that out. There will be soooooo much more you don’t know. There will be a million positive things that aren’t shared because, as humans, we don’t need to vent the positive like the negative.
What you also aren’t aware of is how many times she has tried with that kid. She’s probably tearing her hair out. Trying every tactic to help that kid learn and have a good life. When the behaviour doesn’t change, sometimes you do let that frustration show.” AriasK
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You have never worked in a middle school. I have. Kids that age can be horrible, and they will absolutely carry their behaviors over from one day to the next. These kids often have a lot of stressful things going on in their lives that don’t just resolve overnight so that they can wake up a new and better person every day.
They act out. A LOT. A teacher that starts out each day pretending like their students weren’t struggling the previous day is the last person you want in the classroom, because those struggles need to be acknowledged.” Fall_Relic
3. AITJ For Refusing To Name Our Baby After My Partner's Ex's Cat?
“My partner (not married but together for 5 years) and I are expecting our first baby together.
We recently found out it’s a boy and were trying to decide on a nice boy’s name.
My partner suggested Max as he really loves the name. I don’t like the name but agreed to consider it as I couldn’t really think of another name.
We were talking to his sister about baby names and I mentioned he suggested Max. She brought up that it was the name of a cat he shared with his ex-fiance. When they broke up, she took the cat and he never saw it again.
When we got home I told my partner I’m not comfortable naming our first baby after the cat he had with his ex. It felt kind of gross to me. He told me I was overreacting. It’s just a name and it’s not like the cat and the baby will ever meet.
I said it’s not the point. He shared that cat with his ex, it was like their baby and it feels really off to me to be naming our baby after their cat.
He told me I’m being overly hormonal and I need to stop being so sensitive about it.
He also said that I didn’t like the name in the first place so I’m looking for excuses not to name our baby Max.
It ended in a bit of an argument with me basically saying I’m refusing to consider it anymore and him calling me a jerk.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ realistically it’s not that big of a deal that he used his favorite name for his cat and wants to use it for his child. He is however a jerk for how he’s reacting to you and your opinions.
You BOTH need to like the name, if you don’t (and the reason does not matter, you do not need an excuse) then you find something else. Do some name searching yourself and come up with some you do like, include some that relate to your partner or his interests (as much as that makes sense in a name), and come back to him with a list you like.
Turn the discussion around from “I hate Max” to a positive discussion around what you do like.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Baby names are hard enough to come up with but the name should be agreed upon by both parents (if both parents are involved).
It is kind of weird wanting to name your child after your fur baby, yes you love them in different ways however you both would always associate the name with the cat as the cat existed first. Before my partner and I found out what we were having we went through lists of names most nights, if one of us didn’t like the name it was off of the list, it was nice when we found out we were having a boy as we only had one list to narrow down and came to the decision as it was the only name we ended up both agreeing on that we liked.” Rwhitechocmuffin
2. AITJ For Kicking My Dad Out Of Our Gender Reveal Party For His Sexist Comments?
“I (26M) and my wife (25F) are expecting!
She’s 5 months pregnant and a few days ago we had an announcement because people in my family were wanting one. Background on my dad, he’s 50-something, he is a stubborn old man who needs his way or he will have a fit about it.
Friends and family planned the whole thing for us after we gave them a piece of paper with the gender (they wanted that and so did my wife and me).
My dad helped not one bit. It was time to pop the balloon and when we did it was pink. I was happy with tears and everyone was celebrating including my wife of course. I noticed my dad pulling a face as if he wasn’t impressed. I asked him what was wrong and he was going on about how “great another female in the family”.
It made me angry at him for commenting on my unborn daughter. He kept going on and on how I shouldn’t be happy, I told him to get out. Everyone was on my side except a few aunts and uncles on his side. We carried on for a bit.
I feel bad for kicking my dad out but it’s his own fault and he should have kept his mouth shut and just acted happy for once about his grandchild.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No! You really are NTJ. The fact that you don’t know his exact age tells me you have a bad relationship, and it’s obvious why.
He didn’t help at all with this event that was important to you and your family, and then he spewed his misogyny all over everything. You do not need that jerk in your daughter’s life.” MarnOo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There’s no room in this world for misogyny.
Congratulations on your forthcoming blessing! As a contemporary of your father—I’ll be 52 in July—don’t chalk it up to his age or being a “stubborn old man” when he’s just being rude and unpleasant. There’s no room for that in this world, either.
If he won’t behave, he doesn’t get to be around your new family and it’ll be his loss.” KaetzenOrkester
1. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For My Mother's Shopping Addiction?
“My (18F) mother (33F) has a huge love for shopping. Her closet is a burst of colors and it’s cute but it’s also troubling. At least once a month, she’ll call me at the store and ask me to come and give her money.
I’d say no but it’s literally after she gave her stuff to the cashier and they ring up the cost. She doesn’t bring money to the store. She’d wait in the front of the line or keep calling me until I come with the money for her.
Either that or she stays in the back of the line. Anyway, she’ll blow up my phone.
I used to ignore her but one day she pulled this stunt while I was in class and the police got involved. Not security, the police (made a scene as usual then proceeded to leave saying her daughter aka me would pay).
I had to get leave and save her by paying. It’s really annoying and I really don’t want her getting in trouble with the police again. And it caused a lot of tension in the house when she got back.
I didn’t mind paying after that because her totals are like 40ish.
But TODAY when she called me, her total was a fat 300 bucks. She was at the front when I just entered, She called me over to pay and the cashier said 306. I told her to put the clothes back because that’s ridiculous. She started a scene and I just left the store because I wasn’t in the mood to deal with that.
She came home mad obviously calling me hurtful things.
I’m a college student who relies on my part-time job. I have the money but not that much money. AITJ for not paying for her clothes and walking out?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! But you know that already.
Your mom has a serious problem and that is shopping. She is looking for fulfillment in buying ”stuff”. She is looking for instant gratification. You are enabling her actions every time you bail her out. If you don’t want this to happen anymore, you need to stop paying period.
I would not come running every time she does this. If you continue, you have no one to blame but yourself. It is ok to say no to your mom. She is only saying hurtful things to you because she knows it will hurt you.
I would also let her know that you are not capitulating to her mean and childish behavior when she doesn’t get what she wants. I would let her know that if this behavior continues it will come to a point that you will want to no longer be around her.
She is coming across as a bully by saying mean things to you. She is your mom and should not be treating you this way. But to be honest, you two seem more like sisters than mother and daughter due to the closeness of your ages.
Mom needs to grow up!” Shoo_B_Doo_B_Doo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She needs help! And how did the police get involved was she trying to shoplift? My uncle who has really bad bipolar disorder would buy everything under the sun and bankrupt himself over it.
With that being said buying like she is can be a sign of serious mental illness which sounds like this is the case with her and it is beyond unacceptable for her to take money from you like that.” Narrow-Excitement-23
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is ridiculous behavior for a grown woman.
Tell her you will no longer be paying for her shopping habit, and if the police get called, that’s her own fault. You are not responsible for her poor behavior, and clearly, it will take an extreme situation for her to figure it out.
Be prepared for your family to be mad at you, because that seems to be the norm in this situation. But if you give her lots of warning, then she will have only herself to blame. If you’re in class, turn your phone off.
You do not need to be available to her every day all day – you get to set boundaries!” PNWPainter02
