People Wonder If They Were Out Of Line In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
24. AITJ For Not Forgiving My Fiancé's Brother For His Racist Joke Without An Apology?
“For context, I’m a black woman and my fiancé is a Mexican man.
We’re both pretty young too. When I first met his sisters and his mother we all hit it off great, they love me and accept me like I’m their kin. When I met his oldest brother for the first time I thought it would be the same thing.
My fiancé doesn’t get along super well with him but I still tried to be as polite and positive and respectful as possible. He was cordial but kind of curt when we first met but I assumed he just felt a little awkward. Come to find out, he thought I was kinda crazy because I was so peppy and high energy.
I was told that after I went home.
A couple weeks passed and I met him again at his mother’s house while hanging out with my fiancé. It seemed to go well until, once again, I found out otherwise. When I was there I noticed a $100 bill lying on the TV stand.
I never touched it or even thought of taking it, but after I left he made a joke to my fiancé about how he’s glad it didn’t get stolen since “Ya know…” My fiancé told me straight away and made sure his family knew what had been said.
But he never apologized to me and when he went back to his house (he lives in another state) his family threw a little going away party for him but I didn’t go because I don’t like him and I don’t want to be around someone who thinks that way about me.
Turns out he apologized to his whole family, but never once apologized to me about what he said about me.
He’s back visiting this week and I didn’t speak to him or address him when I saw him, but his mother and sister want me to forgive and forget and not hold grudges since he’s their family and I’m going to be too.
I don’t forgive people without apologies because I believe in consequences for your actions. I told them I can’t make any promises and I left the get-together not long after the conversation. They seemed upset about my answer. Should I just let it go without an apology?
Edit: so I was wrong about the joke he made…it was SUBSTANTIALLY worse than I had remembered. My fiancé reminded me that he actually said, quote “oh look my money is still here. It’s a good thing there weren’t any black people here to steal it” insert sly look at my fiancé “OH wait.””
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell them he needs to apologize to you since you’re the one he wronged. Apologizing to everyone except you is not good enough.
ETA that jerk left bait out thinking he could catch you and prove to everyone he was right.
I would never be anything other than distant and cordial with that person.” ArtemisStrange
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I wouldn’t forgive or forget the comment about the $100 and no one has the right to expect you to. I would care about him calling me crazy, but as a black woman, the comment about the $100 feels racist to me.
I don’t forgive or forget racism.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would calmly confront him and call him out. I imagine if you did it in front of anyone they would make you the bad guy for ‘embarrassing him’ or something, but I’d def take fiancé as a witness anyway.
They have forgiven his bad behavior for what sounds like his whole life and expect you to play along and not make waves, but if you fold to their pressure now, it’ll inform the rest of your relationship with this family. If you have to be the only one with a backbone and you’re okay with that, great.
But your fiancé absolutely has to have your back. You’re going to be a team soon, after all! This is a good test run for that. Good luck, Op. Don’t back down.” bakedbeebs
23. AITJ For Setting Up A Glitter Trap To Catch My Snooping Mother-In-Law?
“For some weird reason, my mother-in-law really wants to go into our bedroom whenever she comes over.
On one occasion I followed her as she went upstairs (I was going to get something for my child as the bedrooms are upstairs) and she walked past the bathroom on the main floor and up the stairs behind it. She didn’t hear me and I caught her walking straight into my room and rifling through bills on my dresser.
She denied snooping (even though I’d just watched her do it) and said she was just going to use our bathroom because she couldn’t find the other ones. She walked right past the one on the main floor and another one in the upstairs hallway to go into our bedroom.
Since that happened, I installed an exterior doorknob that requires a key on our bedroom door and one on the door to our office/spare bedroom.
However, she’s still always ‘forgetting’ where the bathroom is and trying the bedroom and office door. This really ticks me off.
My husband says that I just get annoyed at this because everything she does drives me crazy and since we’ve put locks on the rooms we don’t want her in, there isn’t really a problem anymore.
Well, over the holidays we had my in-laws over for dinner and before they came I was searching for the bedroom keys.
We hadn’t used them in a while since we only lock the doors when mother-in-law comes over. My husband told me we didn’t need to lock the doors since she wouldn’t try to get into the rooms and I insisted that she would because she loves to snoop.
We went back and forth and decided to cover the doorknobs in super fine glitter to see if she tried them.
I did this once before when my husband didn’t believe me about the snooping to prove she’d been in the rooms. Last time she ignored the glitter and we didn’t say anything about it but then my husband couldn’t deny that she’d tried to snoop.
So this time I covered the knobs in glitter and for the office went a touch further and rigged a little folder of glitter over the door to the office before the in-laws came over. I left one side unlocked (French doors) and it was set so that if you walked into the room you would get covered in glitter.
Husband goes out of his way to show his mom the main floor bathroom when they get here and specifically asks his parents and sister not to go upstairs. There’s a baby gate so the kids can’t get upstairs either.
Well, guess who had to go to the bathroom and got covered in glitter and had it all over their hands and hair?
She completely lost it and started screaming at me so I yelled back and now my husband is saying I went too far and I’m the jerk. Mother-in-law also says I’m the jerk but sister-in-law says I didn’t do anything wrong and mother-in-law deserved it for snooping.
Father-in-law is Switzerland. Apparently, her car is ruined now too because it’s covered in glitter that she can’t get cleaned up. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I had a good laugh at this. I feel like you did a good job leading up to this and were incredibly patient with a boundary-stomping mother-in-law.
My petty self doesn’t see this as your fault. I mean sure we know you set a trap for her. But she had been explicitly told time and time again to not go into those rooms.
I mean, how were you really supposed to know she would ruin your nice and neat glitter envelope that you worked so hard on and accidentally left on the door of the office?
The way I see it she owes you an apology because her recklessness got glitter all over your floors, and you now have to refill your special glitter envelope.” antonio-bolonio
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – But you missed out on the perfect opportunity to spread disinformation.
Make up fun documents to leave ‘hidden’ on your desk about how you’re helping the UN with a ‘crisis’ or leave out fake letters from heads of state or whoever her favorite famous person is. If she’s gonna snoop have fun with it.” DeffSkull
Another User Comments:
“Omg, NTJ! I can’t believe your husband says you went too far after he told her not to go upstairs & showed her the bathroom on the main floor! He should be livid.
What a nightmare of a mother-in-law you have. You don’t owe her anything.
If she hadn’t tried to snoop, she wouldn’t have ruined her car. Darn, that was funny & you’re a genius!” lifetooshort4bs
22. AITJ For Changing My Daughter's Eating Habits To Help Her Lose Weight?
“I was raised in a household where being overweight was normal. My mom was obese, my dad was obese, etc. They are very unhealthy and eat mostly processed foods. This is common in my family on both sides. Being average weight is shocking to them.
Me and my sister also struggled with our eating habits growing up. My sister ate just as unhealthily as the rest of the family but was always thin. I didn’t get my wake-up call until the doctor told me I was on track to diabetes which made me change my lifestyle around.
I also had a four-year-old daughter who was very overweight.
I went on a health and fitness journey and lost 100 pounds. I started eating healthier and in a calorie deficit and to help my daughter lose weight (she was thirty pounds overweight) I also changed out her eating lifestyle.
Let me be very clear: I never told my daughter she or I were on a diet of eating healthier. I just started serving healthier foods we never ate like vegetables, proteins, etc. Instead of fast food for lunch, it was now a low-calorie wheat sandwich with healthy things inside.
She would ask for fast food in the beginning but I told her it makes us sick so we don’t eat it. Eventually, she lost all the extra weight and is now at a normal weight for her age. I don’t restrict her eating at all anymore in terms of portions and calories and I got her involved in sports something we never did.
Whenever she wants to eat fast food I allow her and she eats unhealthy things that I no longer do that I buy just for her. I just make sure it’s at a healthy moderation. That was last year. It’s been a year since and my daughter hasn’t gained any weight back and is very healthy.
My sister also has a daughter who is 5 and is very overweight, my sister said a year ago she was 80 pounds and has since gotten bigger. She is already wearing preteen clothes at 5. My sister thinks it’s just “genetic” that she’s big and the fact that they eat fast food three times a day (I’m not even exaggerating) doesn’t have any impact.
Because my sister is thin she doesn’t believe eating unhealthy can cause weight gain. They’ve moved back to our state following her divorce and I’ve been spending time with her. My weight loss shocked her and she was happy for me but asked me how my daughter lost weight.
I told her that we stopped eating out and started eating healthier foods in smaller portions. She started going off on me saying I’m a horrible mother for ever limiting my daughter’s food intake and I’m going to give her an eating disorder.
I told her that my daughter wasn’t even aware of her diet change, and that she’s the one that’s a horrible mother for allowing her daughter to be morbidly obese and that if she was a good mother she would change her daughter’s eating routine.
She called me a jerk and stormed out. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“First, congrats on your health journey. Losing 100 pounds is quite an accomplishment. NTJ, unless you were unnecessarily cruel with how you phrased your criticisms of your sister’s parenting. She initiated the conversation, and you simply responded with criticism related to that conversation.
Praying for the best for both of your children.” Allmybudslovecereal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – skinny doesn’t mean healthy, I’ve a very thin friend (no eating disorders) and she has type 2 diabetes all due to her eating all the wrong things. Nothing wrong at all with teaching a kid healthy food portions and what things are better to eat than others.
I’m sure your daughter felt so much better after taking off the pounds and doing sports. How is it cruel to say no to eating fast food for every meal..” shadow-foxe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t just go off and start criticizing her out of nowhere.
She asked about how you & your daughter lost the extra weight then straight up attacked you for your very commonsense answer. Your daughter was never actually ‘on a diet’. You, as a parent, came to the conclusion that it was important to teach (and model) healthier, more balanced eating habits – plenty of veggies, lean protein, and going easy on the sweets & simple carbs while making room for the occasional fast food or sweets splurge sounds very reasonable and like an excellent pattern for your daughter.
Your sister’s ‘normal’ is not doing your niece any favors and the older the girls get, the more difficult it will be to change their relationships with food. Congratulations on getting there with your daughter while it was still relatively easy to make those changes.” rapt2right
21. AITJ For Reporting My Friend's Unhygienic Living Conditions To Social Services?
“So, this story took place about a month ago. I (25F) have a friend (24F) that we’ll call Ella. Ella has a 9-month-old son that we’ll call Jack. Ella and I met in college when we were 18/19yo and meet every few months for coffee and a catch-up.
Ella had a bit of a rough childhood as her mum prioritized her 1/2 siblings over her and her stepdad was emotionally abusive. Jack was an accident baby with her partner but she vowed to never have him grow up like she did.
I’ve met Jack maybe 5 times since he was born, and I’ve noticed a few times that his clothes were a bit dirty, he was generally a bit smelly (not like poop, but just generally unwashed) and his fingernails were long and very dirty.
But honestly, he’s a baby, they make a lot of mess and he was such a happy little boy that I didn’t think much of it. Then out of the blue, Ella calls me, in floods of tears saying someone called social services on her because she was raising Jack in an unsafe environment.
I calmed her down and eventually she said that SS was returning tomorrow to do a full house inspection, she said her house was a little messy but it wasn’t that bad. Ella asked if I could come round and help ‘straighten it up’ so that it was perfect for the visit.
Of course, I agreed to help and got on a bus to go to her house. I’ve never been to her house before as it’s on the other side of town but I was horrified. I completely understood why SS had been called. There was moldy food on the floor, empty food packets and energy drink cans everywhere, litter everywhere and I even saw some broken glass.
She was still distraught, so I kept my opinion to myself and helped her tidy up. It took the two of us nearly 8 hours to tidy it all to what I would consider an ‘acceptable standard’ as opposed to a very tidy/clean house. Jack was happily playing the whole time and when I left, I said “it should be easier to keep on top all this of now the bulk is done”, I felt like that was enough of a dig as she was exhausted.
I went home, she told me the next day that she passed the inspection and was very happy. She invited me round the week after for dinner to say thank you for helping.
I went round and it was awful again, just a week after cleaning it all.
This time there was a dried cat poo on the rug…I felt sick and took a secret video of the lounge/kitchen and then made an excuse about being unwell and left.
I forwarded the video to a friend of mine who is a social worker and another investigation has been opened into them.
Ella called me to tell me and when I said I’d reported her, she flipped and screamed at me, and has been posting vile things all over social media about me and I’ve been receiving death threats from her family.
All these messages have made me question if AITJ for filming in her house and reporting her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You gave her a second chance to turn things around for her son and she didn’t take it. You had a responsibility to the baby to make sure social services were aware and the fact that she has resorted to death threats should show you that she’s probably not the friend that you thought she was.” Suspicious_Safety_45
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You saw a child living under deplorable conditions and did the right thing. Your friend has a serious mental problem that you can’t help with. To let a home get into those filthy conditions is not normal. Hopefully, SS will force her to get therapy and she’ll eventually realize that you did the right thing.
If not… I tell you from personal experience that hoarders are huge burdens who never take responsibility for their circumstances. You may want to consider distancing yourself.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“So the pendulum is swinging wildly on this one, but here is why I think NTJ instead of ESH: For all the people saying she needs to be educated because of her upbringing, she knew.
After CPS came the first time, she knew that her house was too messy to pass inspection, and OP came over to help clean up the sty. The only reason she passed was because she had cleaned up the filth. And within a week, the house was right back where it started. To anyone who thinks it’s acceptable for a child to be living in a home where there is cat feces in common areas and broken glass, and OP should have evaluated her friend first, I have nothing to say that won’t get me in trouble.
Maybe OP’s friend does need some help for PPD or some other issues, but in the meantime, the child needs to be in a safe, healthy, clean environment. NTJ.” Tralfamadorians_go
20. AITJ For Telling My Unemployed Husband To Contribute More At Home Or Go Back To Work?
“I, a 30-year-old female, have been married to my husband, a 33-year-old male, for five years, with no children.
Until 8 months ago, we lived in a major city and both worked in high-pressure corporate jobs.
Early this year, I was offered a job in a smaller city for a lot more income.
My husband’s employer gave him the option of working remotely, but he expressed that he has been feeling very burnt out and needed a break and a fresh start.
With my pay increase and the reduced living costs in our new city, I calculated we could afford to live off one income if we reduced some of our unnecessary expenses.
When we were both working full time, we had a housekeeper in each week, sent out our laundry, and regularly ate at restaurants/ordered takeout.
We agreed that if he took on the cleaning and cooking responsibilities he could leave his job and focus on starting a more creative career that would bring him joy.
Initially, this went very well, he dealt with the majority of the cleaning, cooking, and grocery shopping.
While working on writing.
I’d do the dishes after dinner, extra cleaning on the weekend, and cook a few nights a week.
In the last month, things have gone downhill.
He’s been doing minimal to no cleaning and forgetting to do the laundry & go grocery shopping.
He’s completely stalled on his creative projects and spends his whole day playing video games.
I’d gently checked in to see if he was feeling depressed but he got angry and told me I was treating him like a slave and it was unfair to expect him to look after everything in the house.
I blew up back at him and told him if he didn’t want to look after the house he needed to go back to work, because I wasn’t going to pay for him to sit at home on his behind.
He hasn’t spoken to me since we had the fight two days ago.
I’ve received messages from my mother-in-law and other family members saying I’m treating him unfairly.
I’ve apologized for how I phrased it but haven’t backed down on the need for him to go back to work. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m (56F) the “breadwinner” in our house.
My husband (61M) hasn’t had a paying job in 7 and 1/2 years. I LOVE this man. He cooks, cleans, does the lawn work, helps me with laundry, helps with our pets, does the grocery shopping, makes fabulous banana waffles, and completely supported me and took care of me during my chemo.
I am completely blessed and appreciate him every day. So we have the same situation you do. And you were absolutely correct in calling him out. He needs to contribute to the home and the marriage. You are not treating him like a slave. You are also NOT his mother.
He needs to grow back up. Good for you for standing up for yourself!” TracyMinOB
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Exactly how is it unfair — ask them. How is it unfair to expect him to do the bulk of the housework when not only is he not working, but that was literally the condition for him to leave his job?
Why is it unfair to expect him to pull his weight?” tinysydneh
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But I really don’t understand these posts. One adult at home, no children … how much cleaning is there to do? Laundry every few days and grocery shopping once a week for most people?
Give the house a once-over every week. Ask him to explain to you what constitutes “slave” in his mind. I’d love to hear his response.” shestammie
19. AITJ For Being Upset That My Allergic Daughter's Popsicles Are Being Shared At School?
“My daughter ‘Sally’ has a dairy allergy. She’s been going to the same school since kindergarten (she’s 7). For some reason, ice cream parties are a common thing there, between birthday treats, holidays, and just random treats they have ice cream a lot.
After the first couple of times of dealing with an upset kid because she couldn’t have any ice cream and everyone else did, I went and talked to the school and asked if I picked up some of those tube juice pops that you can freeze whenever (don’t know the actual name) if they could give her one of those during their ice cream parties.
They agreed and I just drop off more whenever her teacher tells me they’re running low, or at the beginning of the school year.
It’s only October and I dropped off a pack of 30 in August which usually lasts all year and she even brings some back home on her last day of school.
So her teacher emailed me a heads up that there were only 3 left, seemed strange but I grabbed a pack when I went grocery shopping.
So yesterday when I dropped them off with the teacher I jokingly said ‘wow you guys must have ice cream every other day, wish they did that when I was in school’.
She said ‘oh, no we’ve only had ice cream a couple of times but some of the kids saw that Sally had a popsicle and wanted one of those instead’.
I said ‘yea but Sally CAN’T have ice cream, that’s why I buy the popsicles’.
She said ‘yes, I understand but it’s not really fair that she gets to have a popsicle and the other kids have to have ice cream. I like to encourage sharing and this way Sally will feel good knowing she shared with her classmates.’
I said again ‘it’s fair because she CAN NOT eat ice cream, the other kids can. If she didn’t have a dairy allergy the popsicles wouldn’t even be here, and fairness didn’t seem to be a big deal when all the other kids were getting ice cream and Sally couldn’t have anything’.
She was like ‘well that was before she was in my class’. I basically gave up and left.
I was telling my wife and she said ‘it’s just popsicles who cares if some are given away’. It’s not about the popsicles though, it’s that the school didn’t care when everyone else got ice cream and Sally couldn’t and basically had to sit there and felt left out, but now because she has popsicles ‘it’s not fair’.
This was never an issue before she had this teacher either.
I’m going to see how long this bag lasts and then maybe I’ll start sending only 10 at a time or something.
AITJ for making a big deal over this? Maybe I’m overreacting.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If the teacher wants everyone to share, she can buy the popsicles herself. Especially since she was bold enough to argue with you after asking you to buy more when they were bought for a specific purpose for your child.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you are 100% right and it’s total nonsense. I agree and would take that stand for my kid too. However, my kids are teens now and I wanted to throw this thought in for you. Imagine you are your daughter and everyone has ice cream which SUCKS because you can’t have it.
Even with popsicles you hate the fact you can’t be the same as the other kids, wish you could have ice cream. Let’s face it in elementary school anything remotely different gets picked on and we ALL know ice cream is a superior frozen treat generally.
Now picture 5 other kids eschewing ice cream in favor of the same treat as your kid. Now she is no longer a pariah enjoying her subpar treat but one of a group of kids enjoying a special treat for an elite club. So even with a popsicle provided, she is still left out of the group, but a couple of kids joining her instantly elevates her social standing to something to be envied. Something I might not have thought of 10 years ago, particularly while in mama bear mode.
At the price of the popsicles, I’d bite the bullet here, not for the jerk teacher but for my kid. But depending on age I’d ask kiddo “does it bother you when other kids get a popsicle like you do?” This may actually be a GOOD thing at the cost of a few bucks.
We don’t want our kids to feel peer pressure and cliquey but the fact is elementary school age kids, particularly girls, can be little jerks.” basylica
Another User Comments:
“Teacher here. This is some nonsense. First of all, if the school is going to provide ice cream for the children THEY should have already had an alternative for Sally, knowing she had a dairy allergy, rather than letting her sit with nothing.
Shameful! Now that you’ve taken the initiative to provide an alternative for her yourself, you’re supposed to be responsible for some other kids so they can have options?? Oh no. Wow the entitlement is sickening. Sally didn’t have options. She has to share? No she doesn’t.
It’s the teacher’s job to explain this to the kids or the school can provide popsicles themselves. NTJ. This teacher is a jerk.” 23temmuz
18. AITJ For Not Paying My Fitness Trainer After He Asked Me Out?
“I am 25 yo female and about half a year ago I broke up with my ex-partner.
I gained a bit of weight during our relationship so I started to go to the local gym and hired a trainer. He is a very handsome guy and we kinda clicked. I used to go 3x a week and he was flirting with me kinda obviously but I was not thinking anything about it.
Last week we were working out together and he asked me if I would like to go with him to the gym which he visits when he exercises and then grab some coffee. I was thinking … yeah why not, sounds like fun and accepted. We met the second day, worked out for an hour or so and then we went to the Starbucks nearby.
When we sat down he asked me if I was gonna need the account number for today’s lesson or if I could pay him in cash. I was a bit confused because I really thought it was a date and he was not even really coaching me during the workout, he was doing his own stuff most of the time, chatting a bit with me.
Also, he asked for more money than I was usually paying for an hour. I told him I thought it was a date and that I’m not gonna pay him, because he was not coaching me at the gym.
He told me that he should still be paid because he is a personal trainer and I went to the gym with him and he was exercising with me.
I finally didn’t pay him anything, left the coffee on the table and went home. Later I got a phone call from the gym that he doesn’t want to be my trainer anymore and I am not welcome there because I have been acting inappropriately.
The whole situation seems a bit confusing. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Call the gym and tell them your story. Sounds like he’s scamming their customers. They should know.” Hillman314
Another User Comments:
“He’s the one that has been acting inappropriately, by flirting during work, suggesting a date then trying to charge you for his time.
You should file a counter-complaint with the gym (although they might be in on it or take his side if they have made a decision on his account alone and not hearing your side of it). In which case, you might want to post some online reviews of the gym and trainer to warn others.
He’s probably scammed a lot of women this way. NTJ.” indignant-loris
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If he considered it a lesson he should have made that clear. Asking you to work out and go to coffee sounds like a date, not a lesson. Is he an employee of the first gym?
It just comes off as shady that he would take you to a different facility than he’s an employee and increase the amount he charges.” EdgrrAllenPaw
17. AITJ For Asking My Teammates To Pay For Not Participating In Our Project?
“So, I (19m) worry a lot about my grades, and I have been told that I am very bossy and rude when working in a team, so I wanted to know if I am a jerk.
I’m a university student. I have a team project due this week. The project is equivalent to 60% of our final grade, and I have a scholarship, so this project is extremely important to me. The teacher made the teams. I teamed up with M, N, and F.
From the beginning, I could see that M, N, and F do not have a good work ethic. They rejected all my requests to start doing the project, they did not respond to my messages and they did not want to meet to do the work either.
When we only had a month until the delivery date, I gave up and started doing the work myself. They didn’t contact me again, so I didn’t either.
The project is due in three days, and I just received a message from M, N, and F.
They know I did the work because I told them that I have a scholarship and I care about my grades, so they have been sending me a lot of messages about the project.
I got sick of getting their messages, so I texted them: “You didn’t do anything in the almost two months we had to work on the project.
You also ignored my messages and didn’t care about the project until this week. I did the work of 4 people alone and you are a fool if you think I am going to add your name to a project you did not participate in for free.
If you want your name to appear, you must pay me 100 USD. If you don’t pay, then I guess you’ll fail.”
M, N, and F are really angry, and they haven’t stopped posting on social media about how awful I am, saying I’m a bad teammate and the worst human being, etc. Honestly, I don’t care what they say, but my group of friends tells me that demanding that they pay me is something that only a jerk does and that I should just be the bigger person and add them to the project, so I’m now conflicted.”
Another User Comments:
“ESH I get you’re mad, rightly so. But the answer is to fail them, not offer to let them pass for $100. They didn’t do the work, you did. You don’t get to extort them for funds and you shouldn’t be offering a pass mark for pay.
Fail em, take your grade, continue with your scholarship. Good luck.” elsehwere
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Of course they’re jerks for not doing their work and you had every right to report them and try to get your grade separated from their (lack of) effort.
That said, extorting them is a b******e move. But worse than that, it’s a dumb move. If you get caught, you could fail the assignment and, by extension the course. And you’d probably lose your scholarship. A max of $300 is not worth that. Professors generally understand sometimes not everybody in a group works.
Be upfront with them about that. But don’t extort the people on your team.” Just_Inator
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Pretty sure you could get in big trouble for offering grades for pay if they took it to admin.” verminousbow
16. AITJ For Not Forcing My Son To Be Friends With His Unkind Cousin?
“My sister and I both have a kid around the same age. My son is 9. Her stepdaughter is almost 9. Both go to the same school now. However, they only officially met 6 months ago. My sister lived in the UK until she and her husband moved back to the US.
She and I are not super close so there were no big trips to stay in touch, etc.
Her stepdaughter has had trouble settling into school over here. From what my son and one of the class parents have told me she likes to get things her way in everything and doesn’t like to compromise or care for what others want/think/feel.
My sister has complained about the complaints from the teacher and other parents before so she asked my son to be his cousin’s friend, to include her. He tried once and all his friends said no as soon as she started to take over. So he stopped trying.
This became an issue these last few weeks because she doesn’t play with anyone, has no friends, and has tried to demand they play with her, and she has been told no. My sister ended up telling my son he should be playing with his cousin and helping her.
That she feels so alone in school and like nobody likes her. He told my sister she should be nicer.
She then goes off that it’s not right to treat family differently for being step. I told her to cut the nonsense. That she has been told about her stepdaughter’s behavioral issues and it’s not fair to expect my son to risk his friendships by insisting she be included when she doesn’t treat everyone with the kindness she wants to see.
My sister said we wouldn’t say that if she was her daughter. I told her I would. And that she can’t be angry at a kid for not wanting to lose friends over this and it’s bad to say this is being handled differently because she’s a step.
She said he acts like they’re strangers. I told her they practically are. They did not grow up together.
She is still harping on about this and is telling our family I am not teaching my son kindness or inclusivity.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Why even drag the “step” into this?
Is she projecting something?? Her daughter is not a nice child to the other children so they don’t want to be her friends. Forcing your son to would cause issues, not only with his friends… but it will also cause resentment within the family.” AbbyBirb
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – and I’m dying at your son telling your sister she should be nicer. Way to go kid! This isn’t about your sister’s stepdaughter being step, this isn’t about inclusivity or your son’s kindness. This is about your sister’s stepdaughter’s behavior interfering with her social skills and your sister (and maybe the child’s father too) ignoring it and enabling it.
It’s one thing to hear it from one parent, but if multiple parents and teachers and whatnot are saying it, maybe it’s time your sister consider the problem is at her house, not elsewhere.” No-Policy-4095
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your son hit the nail on the head when he said his cousin needs to be nicer.
Your son doesn’t need to set himself on fire to keep his cousin warm. He tried to include her, she wasn’t nice, and that was the end of it. Not all cousins are best friends, sometimes I don’t like my cousins, their personalities and mind don’t match.
That has nothing to do with whether there’s a genetic similarity or not. Because most of the cousins that I don’t really like are my biological cousins, yet the ones I might get along with better are my step-cousins. Being related does not mean special treatment.” Stace34
15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Financially Support My Unemployed Partner?
“My partner (23F) and I (26F) have been in a relationship for over 2 and a half years. We met when we were both in college.
I graduated soon after we met and she dropped out after 1 year of relationship. She worked 4 months in retail and then quit. She now hasn’t been doing anything for over 7 months. She looked for jobs for a week and stopped and now does Uber whenever she really needs money because her dad didn’t send her any.
I pay 75% of the rent and we split 50/50 for the other bills. The only reason I agreed to pay more rent than she does is because she was ok with living in an unsafe part of town for low rent, while I’d rather pay a little more and be safe.
So I agreed to pay the difference in rent.
All the bills are under my name, we agreed that she would use cash app to send me her part of the bills every month. Her mom used to take care of all her bills and she told me herself she didn’t trust herself to manage the bills.
That is why I took responsibility for all of them.
For the past 4 months, I’ve been asking for updates about her job search and stuff because I’m not interested in being with someone who chooses to be home watching TV all day instead of doing something with themselves.
If she had a disability or something else, it would be different. But it’s just her parents pay for everything.
Two weeks ago, we received our bills. I text her screenshots of all of them and send requests for each one of them on cash app.
After a few days, she hadn’t sent the money yet so I asked her if she could send it because I needed it to pay the bills. She apologized and asked if I could give her a week to pay me. I agreed. During the week she told me she’ll have the money on Monday (today).
Today she told me she was going to go paint (she doesn’t get paid for it, it’s just a hobby for now). I asked her if she had the money. She told me that Uber takes a few days to process the money and will send it to me as soon as she has it.
I told her that’s exactly why I had been asking her when she would start looking for a job because I don’t want to be in this situation. She then told me she had cash she could give me for the bill.
I got a little frustrated that she had cash that whole time and didn’t offer it.
I told her I needed the money in my account, not in cash. I asked her if she could just deposit it in her bank and send it to me. She said I could do that myself.
I’m very frustrated and just asked her to send me the funds online when she has it.
If she had been working and lost her job for any reason and couldn’t afford the bill because of it, I wouldn’t mind covering her bills. But since she makes the decision of not working and not doing anything, I’m not willing to help her financially.
AITJ for not helping her financially?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why are her parents paying for her lifestyle? She’s never going to get a job. She’s constantly going to rely on someone else to pay for her.” Sleepy_felines
Another User Comments:
“I would stop doing the cash app thing, and just have her pick which bill will be in her name.
I would put something that is not the heat or electricity in her name, like the cable or something, that you won’t die or anything if it’s cut out. That way she has to be personally responsible or it gets shut. When one person pays the bills and asks for money for the other it creates an uneven dynamic.
You guys are not married so you should not be responsible for any of her bills, and financially to be treating her as a roommate. I would tell her you can’t do this anymore, you can’t play house. I would start looking for a less expensive apartment and if she balks tell her why.
It’s one thing if she was hospitalized with a major illness and couldn’t work for a while and you decided on your own to pay the bills and she had been working up until then, but at this point, she’s just being lazy.” JustVisitingHere4Now
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to put your foot down. There’s no reason why you should be paying the majority of the bills. She is grown. She will never learn to be independent if everyone around her is enabling and taking care of her.
You’re her partner. Not her mother. And again she’s grown.” QuickIntroduction754
14. AITJ For Refusing To Let My SIL Live With Us After She Caused Trouble At The Military Base?
“My BIL is in the Army. I don’t know the full details of what happened. I just know what my husband told me, which I will post here. My SIL caused a huge problem with a woman she thought was the wife of a soldier but turned out to be a soldier herself.
It wasn’t related to an affair allegation, it was about wives and rank or something not romantic. It caused such a problem that my BIL’s job might be affected. My SIL is no longer going to live on the base now and BIL is going to try to fix his job.
My in-laws asked if SIL could stay in our guest room because we’re only a couple of hours away from the base BIL lives at so they could still visit on his off time.
I told my husband I’m against the idea. Even before the health crisis I had a job that was only work from home.
My husband is a bricklayer so he works outside the home. I would be home all day with SIL. Our apartment isn’t that big: 2 bedrooms, 1 bathroom, 5 rooms total, and SIL wouldn’t have a job and would just be here all day. There are still many restrictions here so there isn’t much to do and as the weather gets colder it would be possible to spend lots of time outside.
I’m also hesitant because my husband says SIL still thinks she was the victim in whatever situation at the base.
My husband told my in-laws it wasn’t possible and SIL would have to make other arrangements. They are mad at him now because they think he’s the one saying no when really it is me.
They won’t leave it alone. My dad agreed with me but my mom said I was wrong when I told her and we should help out. My SIL would have to live with either her parents or my in-laws and they live a lot further away.
Was it selfish of me to say no to SIL living with us for the foreseeable future just because I was thinking of my own comfort?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are NOT selfish. You don’t have room for her. SIL made this mess all by herself.
Let her stay with the parents. Good Luck.” QuinGood
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it’s your home and you don’t owe anyone a space in your house. Especially someone who isn’t working or offering to pay. Also, as prior military, there are a lot of red flags here.
Your SIL should not have to leave the base. If your BIL fears reprisal due to the incident there are channels to handle that accordingly. If the SIL wants to stay away from unit events that is totally within her right. Plenty of spouses can live on base and continue to not be involved in unit affairs.
This shouldn’t be an issue and she shouldn’t have to leave base at all. I think something else is going on that they aren’t being upfront about. Proceed with caution… you are right to set boundaries about this.” kireikirin249
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Wait, wait, let me guess.
Your SIL is one of THOSE military wives who thinks that their husband having rank, somehow equals them having rank, and acts like they are better or more entitled than other military wives. And then she pulled that nonsense with a woman she thought was a wife, and was actually a soldier, and got thoroughly put in her place.
Now it’s awkward on base, her husband is facing repercussions, and she wants to hide out at your place because it’s more convenient. No, stand your ground on your privacy, SIL can go stay with her parents, who are likely the cause of her sense of entitlement.” [deleted]
13. AITJ For Calling My Wife Selfish For Refusing To Attend My Sister's Wedding?
“When I met my wife my family were jerks to her. My mom found her annoying and said she shouldn’t have to interact at all, and when I didn’t let that fly she was very rude to my partner. My younger sister said I was ruining our family and became very aggressive.
I had to cut them out of my life, which was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I still have a hard time thinking about that I can just never speak to my mom again, but I knew that was what I had to do to be a good husband.
My middle sister was never really involved. When I cut my mom out my younger sister cut me out, and my middle sister “Jane” said she would stand by me though she thought I should fix things with our mom. My wife and I have two beautiful kids and Jane is the only one in my family who has ever met them and really the only person I have left from my family of origin.
My mom wasn’t at my wedding, I’ve never met her husband, never met my niece from my other sister and it still makes me sad.
Due to the issues with my mom, my wife and I had a tiny wedding. It was just the courthouse and a few friends.
I know that wasn’t her childhood dream. She is totally the princess type who has been dreaming about a wedding since she was a child. My mom had always said she would pay for mine but obviously didn’t. My mom got married a year after I did, and I found my wife looking at her social media and looking at the pictures and crying.
I comforted her the best I could, but she was very upset that my mom didn’t deserve it, and that she would never get the chance to have her own wedding.
Now Jane is getting married and my mom is paying for everything. My mom has a lot of money and I know Jane’s wedding is going to be over the top.
I’m going to be walking Jane down the aisle. My mom and other sister will be there, but we’ve seen them plenty of times during the no contact and it has never been an issue. Neither is interested in resuming contact and they stay away from us.
My wife said her issue is completely about how much it hurts to see Jane get the wedding she didn’t get, and she said she isn’t going to come with me because it will hurt too badly.
I asked her to reconsider because I’ll feel awkward being there on my own and Jane is the only family I have left. My wife said she is sorry but it just hurts too much to see someone else have a big wedding.
Since our wedding she has avoided others and declined being a bridesmaid a couple of years ago because she said she couldn’t get childcare, which wasn’t true and she knew I could get those days off work. I called her selfish for not coming to Jane’s wedding and said I feel that she doesn’t care about me and cares more about a party.
My wife was absolutely devastated and said I invalidated her feelings and I didn’t try to understand. Things have been awkward for the past two days over what I said.”
Another User Comments:
“Honestly from reading all that I see why your mom and other sister don’t like her… looking at your mom’s social media and crying over her wedding photos?
Refusing to go to your middle sister’s wedding because SHE didn’t get the dream wedding she wanted.. I’m sorry but your wife is way too hung up on this wedding she never had which I get BUT at the same time she’s letting that influence how she treats the sister who didn’t do anything to her and that’s not right.
NTJ.” JalapenoSticker127
Another User Comments:
“Let’s put all the unkindness towards your wife to the side for one moment and talk about her wedding. Why did you guys have a small wedding? Were you both always counting on your mother’s money to fund your wedding?
When I was married none of the parents paid anything and we had an awesome wedding. I don’t see why your family had anything whatsoever to do with what kind of wedding you had. Is she just upset that she didn’t get the money from her MiL that she had hoped for?
It seems a very strange thing to rely on. What am I missing?” PattersonsOlady
Another User Comments:
“You’ve made it clear she has avoided all weddings. Even if she has a good relationship with Jane, why would she want to walk straight into the wolf’s den where the entire family has hated her from day one?
With all this bad b***d and NC having your wife there would probably create problems/drama on your sister’s wedding day – and she deserves to have a nice day. Your wife needs to find a way to get past the fact she didn’t get her dream wedding – the point of marriage is not the dress or the party, it’s the commitment you made to spending the rest of your life with the person you love.
Mostly ESH.” Saraqael_Rising
12. AITJ For Telling My Wife That My Mom Can Do Whatever She Wants In Her Own House?
“My mom and my wife despise each other. It got really out of control a couple of years ago, and I did stand up for my wife every single time. My mom let us move in with her when things went south in terms of our finances, but my mom has not kept it a secret that she dislikes having us here, but I do appreciate her help.
We have little kids (4 and 2) so as any parent would know, mealtime can be really challenging and little kids don’t always have the words to express themselves, which leads to crying and tantrums. We were eating dinner and the kids were doing pretty good. My mom came home from the store around the time my stepdad came home from work and she had some caramel brownie cheesecake.
They don’t eat dinner until much later and started eating some of that. They were at the kitchen island, so semi in view of my kids. My kids obviously wanted it.
My wife glared at my mom and didn’t say anything. When my son asked my mom for some, my mom reminded him that we are two different households and she doesn’t eat our food.
My kids started to get upset and refuse their chicken and broccoli. My wife glared at my mom again and my stepdad asked if she had a problem.
Finally, she blew up on them about how they shouldn’t be eating that in front of the kids and they are selfish and making her job as a mom harder.
My mom said she can do whatever she wants in her house and my wife needs to shut up and be grateful. I did snap at my mom for how she was talking to my wife, and my mom said she is sick of us and we can******* up or we can go and pay for housing.
My wife continued to argue with her that she is a bad grandmother and selfish.
I took my wife aside and said I know why she is frustrated but ultimately it is their house and they can do what they want, and I know my mom is difficult but she doesn’t owe us anything and has made it clear that she doesn’t want to give us anything, and really it just comes off as entitled to tell her she can’t eat in her own house.
My wife was really hurt that I took my mom’s side and said I was just playing devil’s advocate and being a jerk.
I felt bad, but then my mom texted me later that night that if my wife gives her an attitude again we need to go, so I feel very stuck in the middle.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: only jerk here is your wife. Your mom is being completely upfront that she doesn’t want you and your family living with her but feels she has no choice. So in that case you and your family should be adjusting to her rules and her life because she’s doing the favor to you.” OneMikeNation
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but your wife is the jerk. You live in someone else’s house rent-free. They should be able to live in their house as they want. If you were not there they would be eating cheesecake in their house in peace. I can see why they want you to leave.
Find a way to move out, and please don’t have any more kids until you can afford them.” JustMyOpinion11
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, but your wife could have easily solved the problem by telling your children the cake is not for them. If they refuse their food, put the food aside for half an hour, inform the kids their food will be around for another 30 minutes if they get hungry for it, and that they will not be getting any cheesecake because it isn’t for them.
This is how you teach self-regulation, and even 2 is not too young to start that. Your parents are putting you up for free, which is very nice, and they are allowed to do what they want in their house. You and your wife need to get your kids onto a better behavioral pattern that doesn’t include whining and crying for things that aren’t for them.
Your mom is rude and so is your wife. They just don’t get along and that’s fine, but for as long as you are in your parents’ house, she needs to show some respect and teach the kids better self-control. SOURCE: I was a teacher for many, many years, and taught pre-school all the way up to high school.
Self-regulation is key.” CantoErgoSum
11. AITJ For Refusing To Visit My Parents Because Of My Brother?
“I (40F) am one of 6 children. I have a brother (39M) who has lived at my parent’s house his entire life and has not worked in 10 years. Last Christmas, he got into an argument with my niece (20F) that turned into a shouting match where he berated her and called her a fat stupid jerk.
I tried to defend her but that just made him turn his attack on me. He started attacking me and bringing up my mental health issues from 10 years ago and also berated me for being single at 40. My niece had already run out of the house crying and I was now visibly upset and crying as well.
He stopped screaming and left the room and we continued with Christmas like nothing happened.
This is not an isolated incident at all, in fact, it’s happened frequently over the years and has since childhood. I developed anxiety but did not get diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder until I was in my late 20s.
Shortly after, I had a serious mental health crisis which led to hospitalizations over the course of 2 years. During this time, my parents let me live at the house and get my life back together, with a job and money, and made sure I had food to eat and all that good stuff.
I moved out into my own home about 7 years ago. I have been working on myself for a while now, trying to heal and get stronger, both mentally and physically and emotionally, and I have. I have a great professional job making good money, I own my own home, I worked my credit back to excellent, regularly see a therapist, lost 50 pounds, and travel quite a bit by myself.
I feel like my life is finally where I want it to be and I’m happy and very independent.
After what happened last Christmas, I told my parents that I won’t go back to that house as long as he’s there because my mental health is more important than them showing me all the new stuff they got around the house.
They weren’t happy about this but seemed to accept it. They wanted to meet up before this holiday (we are going to be celebrating xmas at my aunt’s house) so we went out to dinner a few nights ago. My brother came up so I took the opportunity to tell my mother that I would love to be able to have a relationship with my brother but he needs psychological help.
They said he’s an adult and can do what he wants, then got mad and said I was blaming them and then started getting angry at me for missing their anniversary this year. I ended up walking out because my mother wouldn’t listen to me.
I tried to hug my dad before I walked out but my mom said “don’t touch him” (I didn’t hear that but my brother-in-law did).
I got a text from my parents later that night about how I really upset them and that they were always there for me when I needed them and we should just forget about what happened with my brother.
But I can’t. I am at a point in my life where I can’t willingly put myself in situations where I could be disrespected and berated by my brother for simply existing it seems, so am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your parents would benefit from therapy as well.
You do what you have to do to protect your mental health.” jezabel3166
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I think you already knew that and you just need some support. Well, you’ve got mine. You’re doing great OP and you should be proud of yourself for standing up to your parents by making your own mental health your priority #1.” panzercampingwagen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you shouldn’t focus on the brother, you should focus on the lackluster effort that your parents have put into managing his situation. They’ve failed him every step of the way, even now when they say, “he’s an adult and he can do what he wants.” He may be pushing 40, but he’s no adult.” [deleted]
10. AITJ For Giving My Mom An Ultimatum To Choose Between Me Or My Bullying Brother?
“I moved in with my mom after she got sick to help her. Three months later she told me my brother was moving in to help too. I was less than enthusiastic as my brother has always bullied and taken advantage of me and my mom’s enablement of that sours our relationship.
I was basically treated like I was a bad person for not believing my brother had magically become a different person in adulthood. My mom decided a “compromise” was to have him sign an agreement of his duties and our expectations for the shared living space, as well as what we all would be contributing to the household finances.
I’m not trying to turn this into a pity party but essentially, he has not lived up to a single item once. He has never taken out the trash it’s always “later”. They joke about it! He makes my life here miserable and filthy, he’s always introducing drama and problems that beggar belief.
Well, I found out my mom has needed my financial help more lately because he hasn’t contributed a single dollar toward food or utilities while driving both up and she’s been trying to cover up for him. So I’m subsidizing him treating me like a house elf and he won’t help with her appointments or clean up after himself, let alone contribute to chores.
We had a fight this morning because he left wet clothes in the washer so I had to move them to the dryer (like always) to wash my mom’s sheets and then I had to move them out of the dryer because he wouldn’t come down to get them.
He was upset I left them “dumped” back in his laundry basket and said I should’ve folded them so they wouldn’t wrinkle. He never folds his clothes and they’re always wrinkled. He was demanding I iron his clothes and my mom was trying to say she would do it for him and I just lost it but it was more like the straw that broke my back while they’re trying to focus on it as a single overreaction.
I’ve never hated anyone more in my life. He’s the worst person I’ve ever known. I told her it’s him or me, I’m moving out ASAP if she doesn’t give him a deadline to move out. I said I’d still go to her appointments and stuff like that but I won’t live with her.
My mom is hysterically upset and saying that he can’t take care of her if she’s sick at night and she doesn’t understand how I can be so cruel to ask her to choose between her children but I feel like she already did a long, long time ago.
I feel guilty to put her through this but I also feel like this is not my fault and I have to maintain my own sanity. I feel like garbage but idk what else to do. I clean the house to wake up to it trashed every morning and lately, I’ve been wishing I wouldn’t wake up.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This has gone on far too long. There is no impetus for your brother to change, so he won’t. Your mother is wrong that he ‘can’t’ take care of her at night; more likely she won’t admit to you nor to herself that he won’t.
As you rightly pointed out, she’s made her choice. You’ve tried to help her, she squandered that opportunity, now it’s time to help yourself. Move out, skip the ultimatum. They can and will figure this out when they have no other options. NTJ.” CandylandCanada
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But if I were you, I wouldn’t give her a choice. Just move out and drop in often to make sure she’s not being neglected or abused. Leave everything to your jerk brother. When it becomes clear he can’t handle it, refuse to move back in until he’s out.
I empathize with your situation and see similarities to my own. We haven’t gotten to the move-in-with-mom part yet but we will and it’s not gonna be me if either of my siblings are there too. Be strong. Move out.” indyaj
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Let me get this straight, you moved in to help your mom. Your brother moved in as well agreeing in writing to conditions of living together, then proceeded to ignore them and live off a sick woman. You became the maid, nurse, sponsor to this against your will and the expectations that were set.
And that’s somehow your fault?” VermicelliSlight
9. AITJ For Kicking Out My Partner Because He Brought His Dog To My Pet-Filled Apartment Without Asking?
“I (31f) have been seeing “Dude” (29m) for 8 months. It has been great. He has a dog that is 8, that he has had since she was a puppy.
I have nothing against dogs, I’m just not a fan of owning them simply because 1. I live in an apartment and I feel they need a yard and 2. I don’t want to do all the cleanup that is involved with them.
He takes his dog most places with him, which is fine.
She is very well-behaved and has never caused any problems. In my place, I have an elderly cat as well as a guinea pig (and gerbils, 3 fish tanks, and a partridge in a pear tree). I usually go over to his place to hang out for the sake of his dog.
The other day he offered to come over to my place to hang out and help me install a new wall mount. I said it was fine. Without asking if it was okay first or even bringing it up to me, he had brought his dog with him.
My apartment doesn’t allow dogs even as guests, so I had a bit of anxiety about it. His dog was doing fine, when suddenly she started barking like crazy which seemed out of character for her. Dude then said, “oh I forgot, you should put your animals away in a locked room.” I asked why and he laughed and said with a smile, “(dog’s name) is a murderer.
She killed my ex’s rabbits. She got into the cage and everything. They aren’t safe until they are locked in a room.”
I was upset. He knew I had small animals. This wasn’t a surprise thrown at him. And he knew about this issue, and brought his dog over without permission or warning.
I told him he needed to leave now, and take the dog with him. He isn’t invited over anymore.
He got upset at me and called me a dog hater, said that is just how dogs are and I should be more accepting of her.
I didn’t respond, just continued to push him out the door.
AITJ here?
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t hate dogs. You don’t even hate his dog. You’re upset because; 1. He didn’t ask if it was okay to bring the dog. 2. He asked you to put up the animals that live in YOUR home, therefore making it THEIR home.
3. He told you a story about the dog that killed rabbits. None of that is normal. I always ask first before I bring my dogs over to someone’s house. You don’t know if they’re scared, or allergic to dogs. You did the right thing by kicking him out.” Pikachu_Princess90
Another User Comments:
“NTJ He knew that your pets would be in danger with his dog in your house and yet he brought her there. Honestly, I think you should break up with him because he has no respect for you or your pets, and they could be in danger if someday you two decide to live together.
His dog’s behavior says a lot about him as a pet owner, a well-trained dog would never kill other animals. He laughing at his ex’s rabbit death is a red flag.” alinmiau
8. AITJ For Having A Repeat Offender's Car Towed From My Assigned Parking Spot?
“My fiancé and I live in a condo that is part of a homeowner’s association and we’ve very rarely had any issues until recently. In our HOA, we have two assigned parking spaces, and visitor parking is pointed out pretty clearly upon arrival.
In the last few weeks, I have been arriving home from work or my fiancé will be at home and this same vehicle has parked in my parking spot. My fiancé has asked them to move their vehicle and they would apologize and move their vehicle.
After several of these conversations, I began leaving notes on the vehicle warning them that their car will be towed if they are parked in one of our spots again, citing the rules of the HOA and having permission from the president on several occasions to have them towed whenever I wanted.
Today, I was finally fed up and decided to have the vehicle towed after I came home and had a load of groceries to take inside and had nowhere to park. I was obviously upset and may have acted out being very annoyed but I had the car towed and then immediately parked my car in my spot.
As I was finishing up my groceries, a woman asked me where her car was and I was honest and up-front with her and told her I had it towed due to several warnings being ignored. She began yelling at me and telling me I had no right to do that and that she would not be able to afford to have her car taken out of the tow lot.
So now, I feel bad but also feel as if it was needed.
So, am I the jerk for having a stranger’s car towed and them not being able to afford to have their car returned?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, of course not. You gave the woman plenty of ample warnings to let her know to park somewhere else—preferably in the visitor’s spot and not in someone else’s space.
They’re designated for a reason. If she didn’t want her car towed she shouldn’t have parked in your spot. You play stupid games you win stupid prizes.” ajd041
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You pay money for your spot. It’s literally yours as long as you live in the condo.
She stole your property and is paying the price. Thieves deserve what they get.” Princess_Snark_
Another User Comments:
“You asked her repeatedly not to park in your assigned spot. You even warned her that you would have her towed if she persisted in parking in your spot.
You also got the okay from the HOA to have her car towed. You had every right to tow her car, and if she can’t afford to recover her car, that’s not your problem. NTJ.” DaniCapsFan
7. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For An Unwanted Allergy Shot For My Dog?
“I took our dog to a new vet, as our former veterinarian of 8 years moved to another state to be close to his and his wife’s adult children and grandchildren.
This vet came recommended by a family friend and had pretty decent reviews, along with a few not-so-great reviews, but I know you can’t always make everyone happy.
I took my 16-month-old Australian Shepard in to get him established and to have a general check-up.
After getting him in, a tech came back and weighed him and nothing more. So far, so good.
The veterinarian comes in 45 minutes later and immediately starts asking about my dog’s teeth. My wife and I regularly brush his teeth and have his teeth cleaned when he gets groomed, so we have no reason to be concerned about his immediate dental health.
The vet doesn’t ask about any of his bathroom or eating habits, or any general questions that I’ve experienced in the past. She’s very adamant about making an appointment to have his teeth cleaned at her office and gives me an astronomical price and pushes me to make an appointment right then, which was not necessary and seemed kind of odd.
I declined, to which she tells me it is very costly to have a dog’s teeth pulled. We’re talking about a 16-month-old dog who already has very healthy teeth and good dental care.
She walks out and comes back in with the same tech and while they are both kneeling with my dog, the vet gives him a shot.
My view was obstructed by the tech so I didn’t know he was getting a shot until it was basically done. My dog is already current on his shots and I even made that clear on his pre-visit paperwork. I asked what she gave my dog and she said it was an allergy shot.
My dog has never had allergy problems and I never asked for, or was asked about giving him a shot. She told me he was “itchy” and he needed it. I’ve raised this dog from 2 weeks so I’m pretty intuitive about his behavior and if I think he’s in discomfort or distress.
She pretty much ends the visit right then and asks the tech to get me to reception. The visit was $60, no problem. But the allergy shot was $140. I explained that she just gave it to him without discussing it with me and I wasn’t going to pay for it.
The person checking us out went to talk to the vet about what to do and the vet was very insistent that I pay for it.
It was already a very uncomfortable visit and I had no intentions of bringing my dog back at that point.
I told her I was paying for the visit and that was all I was paying for. Ultimately I only paid for the visit, but was told that maybe I “needed to go elsewhere next time and be more specific about what I’m bringing my dog in for.” I was pretty straightforward about just wanting to come in to get established, so I don’t know what that was supposed to mean.
Am I the jerk for not paying for the allergy shot?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were taken advantage of without your consent. Please contact the Veterinarian Association (or whatever it’s called) and the Better Business Bureau plus leave an honest review. I wouldn’t pay, either.
She’s money-hungry and dishonest. Make sure you didn’t sign for the allergy shot after the fact, which would be fraud on their part.” LoveBeach8
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. In fact, if this was a person, the injection would have probably been considered an assault (no consent and no immediate medical need).
I can agree with the doctor on one point: Do not go back there. They lack basic communication skills and seem to try to fleece you – they seem to care nothing for your dog.” zgrssd
6. AITJ For Asking My Best Friend To Return An Expensive Gift That Caused Trouble In His Marriage?
“I, 23 female, have been friends with my best friend, 24 male, for over ten years. For background information, he and I have never had any romantic attraction or relationship, and we are both married to our respective partners.
When he first got married his wife seemed completely okay with our friendship, that is until she met me. I was nothing but kind to her so I’m not sure why the sudden switch happened. She told him immediately that he could no longer talk to me, so I respected that and stepped away.
A few months later he reached out to me and said she was fine with the friendship again, and everything was smooth sailing until a few weeks ago.
Back in January, I decided to purchase him a Switch Lite for his birthday in September. I knew he had always wanted one but he and his wife don’t make a huge income currently and she hates when he spends money on game-related things.
I texted him about the idea to make sure he and his wife were okay with it and I wasn’t crossing any lines or boundaries as that is the last thing I ever want to do. He assured me a hundred times over the coming months that it was alright with him AND his wife.
I tried to reach out on different social media platforms to his wife just so she would know I wasn’t trying anything malicious, but they were all promptly declined.
September rolls around and I hand him off the gift. It was a brief exchange in a public space, but he barely said so much as a thank you before driving away.
That night he texted me saying his wife refuses to talk to him. And after that I didn’t hear from him, despite many attempts to reach out. I let it slide figuring he would reach out to me eventually. I experienced some of the worst few weeks of my life recently and could have really used my friend but I didn’t want to overstep anything so I just left it alone.
Fast forward to a few days ago, my friend reached out to my husband to ask if I hated him. My husband said no but advised him that he should probably reach out to me with an explanation. He did not do that. Instead, he texted my husband a long paragraph stating his wife was extremely upset with me and that I crossed several lines.
When my husband pressed that he could have said no to the gift, he tried to say I wouldn’t let him say no, which was completely untrue. I come to find out his wife did not actually okay the gift, but he wanted it so he lied to get his way figuring everything would turn out in his favor.
Feeling frustrated and used I texted him asking him to return the gift to me, as it had caused so many issues and he was talking like he never wanted it in the first place. He thinks I’m being unreasonable and is begging me to let him keep it.
His wife has also attempted to reach out to let him keep the switch as well. But I have stood my ground and asked for it to be returned. So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but don’t ask for the gift back.
A gift is no longer yours once it’s given. Write off the gift and the friendship. By the way, his wife was ok with your relationship until she met you because he said you are very unattractive which his wife believed until she met you.” Meastro44
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Probably time to cut the friendship off. The dynamic of both of you being married has changed the relationship. Sometimes you want to hold onto something just because of the history. The more you hold the more problems and drama there could be.” Conscious-Mongoose76
5. AITJ For Not Wanting My Brother And His Pregnant Partner To Continue Living With Me?
“So I’m a 24-year-old who moved out of their parents’ place a couple of years back. My parents are terrible people and were very cruel to me and my brother growing up. I’ve very much enjoyed the space to myself and it has been the only time in my life I’ve truly felt safe.
My twin brother (Zack) didn’t move out and was also pretty miserable living with my parents. About 8 months ago he asked if he and his partner (Kat) could stay with me for a while, as he started school a couple of years after me and isn’t financially in a place where he can afford his own place.
Knowing how terrible my parents are, and how much of a good guy and gal Zack and Kat are it really wasn’t much of a decision. I just told them to chip in when they can and as long as I’m not paying for their food or anything like that it’s chill for the time being.
Things have been fine and Zack and Kat have been nothing but respectful to me and my place. The place is on the smaller side but Zack is usually at school or work and Kat works a good amount of the time, so I’m not usually super bothered by it.
Their plan has been to move out once Zack graduates which will probably be 2023 at the rate he’s going. So I’d most likely be living with them for another year and a half to two years.
Now that wasn’t much of an issue to me as they don’t really have anywhere to go and I totally get not wanting to move back in with our parents.
The thing is though about a week back they revealed to me they were pregnant. While I think it’s awesome, and am excited for them, this severely throws a wrench into our living arrangement. I really can’t deal with a baby living with us for the extended future.
I’m someone who’s very sensitive to noise and suffers from insomnia. So a crying baby would literally make my life very difficult.
When I asked them what they were planning on doing they said they were going to keep it and they felt as if they’d make good parents (they definitely would, they’re great people).
I said oh well congrats then! We ended the conversation there for that night.
The next day I asked them what their plans were for housing in the near future as they know about my sleeping condition and how I’d feel with a baby/toddler in the house.
They said they’d have to stay here as they didn’t really have anywhere else to go. I told them that won’t be happening for reasons stated earlier. They both got very upset and accused me of “forcing them to not keep the baby.””
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You aren’t forcing them to do anything. They can have their baby, they just can’t do it while living with you. If their family planning is based on being able to live with you rent-free for the foreseeable future, then they can’t afford to have a baby.
You agreed to house them rent-free for over two years, which was incredibly generous, but this is a boundary for you and they need to accept that and stop blaming you for their financial situation. Living with a baby is….a lot, especially if the baby isn’t yours.
You have done nothing wrong here.” Consistent-Leopard71
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you didn’t sign up for a baby. If they want to keep it, they need to be able to take care of it. If they can’t even manage a roof over their head, then they are in no position to have a baby.
You are already doing them a huge favor by letting them live there pretty much for free. It’s ridiculous that they think you are obligated to continue to support them and their baby. They should have been more careful. It’s not your fault or your responsibility.” lifetooshort4bs
Another User Comments:
“You’re “forcing” them to face the consequences of their decision to be parents by working, paying rent, health insurance, buying everything the baby needs … basically being adults. They should have money to move out as you’ve helped them save plenty. You’re excited to be an Uncle and looking forward to visiting the new addition at their new abode.
Or they can move in with your parents. NTJ.” Sydneyfire
4. AITJ For Supporting My Wife's Supervision Rules, Leading To An Accusation Of Theft?
“I (42M) and my wife (38F) have a daughter (14) who is friends with the son (13) of an acquaintance of mine. Because my daughter and her friend are of different genders, my wife insists on always supervising their playdates. Our daughter can’t go to his house; he has to come here.
She always watches the kids when they’re together and doesn’t let our daughter close the door when they’re in her room.
To be honest, I always thought my wife was being fairly reasonable until this incident. Kids are kids, and they’re nearing the complicated age.
So I always backed my wife up, even when my daughter begged to be allowed to her friend’s house.
Recently, my wife was watching the kids while I was at work and realized she needed some things from the store. She made the children go with her so they wouldn’t be alone.
Apparently (I’m obviously getting all of this info second-hand) the kids wandered off while she was shopping. While they were alone, an employee approached my daughter’s friend and accused him of stealing something.
My daughter’s friend turned out his jacket pockets, and there was nothing in there but his phone and keys.
The employee demanded my daughter’s friend remove his jacket, because she thought something was hidden under the jacket. My daughter’s friend refused and said he didn’t steal anything. My daughter called for my wife, and she showed up pretty quickly.
My wife sided with the employee and asked my daughter’s friend to remove the jacket.
When he did, the employee saw the necklace he was wearing and demanded he take it off so she could inspect it to see if it was merchandise from the store. I’ve seen him wearing this necklace before, for the record. At this point, he ran out of the store into the cold, not wearing a jacket, and called his grandfather to come pick him up.
I was at work when my acquaintance called me, furious. He said his son was half-frozen when his dad got to him (which I believe, because it’s very cold here right now) and that my wife profiled his son. He told me that his son won’t be going over to my house ever again.”
Another User Comments:
“Since when do 14-year-olds have play dates? By 14 years old, there are no play dates, they are hangouts.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Is your daughter’s friend a different race? (Based on the profiling comment your work friend made.) Might that be a factor in why your wife feels the need to watch them so very closely?
NTJ.” ReasonableFig2111
3. AITJ For Shaving My Head And Being Accused Of "Cancer-Fishing"?
“Okay. So. I used to have very long hair. Like, past my hips. I think the total length was 2.5 ft? Everyone around me absolutely adored it, and I used to get so many compliments. About a week ago, I decided I was completely sick of it.
I went to the salon, got it cut short, and donated that chunk. Then I went home, and the next day, I just shaved it. I don’t know why, I just felt like shaving it off, even though my plan was to just have very short hair.
I was completely bald, no hair at all on my head, and I absolutely adored it. Besides the fact that my head was so cold 24/7, my head felt lighter, and I felt so much freer, if that makes any sense.
Anyway, I went to the supermarket, where I saw my friend’s partner.
I waved to her as soon as I noticed her, excited to catch up since it had been forever (~4 months) since we last talked. As soon as she saw me, her face dropped.
She quickly ran over, hugged me, and started apologizing and talking about how brave I was and how she was going to pray for me.
I was just standing there, very confused.
After a moment, I asked what she was talking about, and she said that I was so brave for facing cancer. I don’t have cancer. I’ve never had cancer, and I was bewildered at why she thought I did.
I wondered if my friend had said anything strange, and then realized that my bald head probably made her think I was going through chemo.
I explained that I didn’t have cancer and that I had just shaved my head because I felt like it.
She accused me of “cancer-fishing,” and said that I was trying to make people pity me. I told her that I was absolutely not trying to do that, and she stormed away in a huff.
I was kind of shocked, but I was hoping she got it and we could move past the little misunderstanding.
Boy, was I wrong, I woke up to HUNDREDS of angry texts from our friend group, talking about how gross what I did was.
My friend, the one seeing the supermarket girl, was defending my right to literally cut my hair, and he and his partner got into a huge argument and ended up breaking up.
His partner and her friends, and a couple of my friends, are blaming me for this breakup and also “cancer-fishing.”
AITJ for accidentally making people think I have cancer and causing my friend+his partner to break up?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First off, “cancer-fishing” ISN’T real. A shaved/bald head isn’t exclusive to those with cancer.
She is completely overreacting. Your friends are the jerks and you did not cause this breakup at all.
What I mean by cancer fishing isn’t real is that it’s not the correct/real term, of course people can fake cancer.” iambunnycat
Another User Comments:
“You are absolutely NTJ. It sounds like this woman was super embarrassed and went on the offensive. Personally, I hate when people shave their heads in “support” of cancer patients but you did it because you wanted a shaved head. You aren’t faking cancer. As an FYI my mom died from cancer, she lost her hair from chemo.
It’s not difficult to tell which strangers in public are bald due to chemo. I would never assume a bald person was automatically sick unless they also looked like they had been through treatment if that makes sense.” Curiousnaturejunk
Another User Comments:
“You aren’t cancer fishing for getting a haircut.
I have literally been teetering on the edge of shaving mine before (it was hot, damaged, annoying…a million other reasons too) and if someone had said that to me I’d have lost my mind. There are people who are supporting friends going through chemo by shaving their heads.
People have shaved their heads because their hair was itchy. People have shaved their heads because they realized their bone structure was so fire that their hair was actually making them less cute. People have shaved heads for a million reasons, and for someone to insinuate that you did it to cancer fish makes me sick.
I like to mess with people and I’m petty so I probably would have been like “it really helps with my online content” just to annoy her even more. Also, you didn’t break them up. She did. With her childish, unwarranted, unwillingness to admit when she was wrong behavior.
I’m sure you look lovely OP, I’m glad you are enjoying the freedom you have from your hair.” Shaneaux
2. AITJ For Telling My Dad Not To Manipulate His Employee Into Staying At His Failing Business?
“Jane has been working for my dad for 5 years. She was 18 when she started. She is a very hardworking, kind, and smart girl. Her parents kicked her out when she was 18.
She has gotten really close to everyone. Mom loves her, she has spent the last 3 thanksgiving with us.
She reminds everyone of my sister. My sister passed away when she was 14. Everyone in my family has grown attached to her.
She is planning to go to school to get a bachelor’s next year. It is a great decision as there is no future here.
My dad will retire in a few years. This is a bad business that no one will want to take over. The only reason it is able to get by is because most of the employees are old-timers in it because they have nothing better to do.
She would be adrift and she is a really smart kid. She deserves a real shot at doing what she wants to.
My dad is upset. He is murmuring something about giving her a raise if he managed his expenses so that she would stay.
I told him not to do it, I know that she is scared about moving away and living in a new area. There is a good chance she would be convinced to stay if she gets a raise. She is scared already. It is a huge change and my family is the only support system she has.
I am afraid she is going to grab the raise and decide to stay. He is hoping that she will take the raise and stay.
I told him that it would be a really selfish thing to do. Everyone knows that this business has no legs to stand on.
She wants to go to college. She has been talking about it for years. I told him the proper thing to do would be to give her some funds for college and wish her well and not dangle a raise he can’t afford to keep her in a bad situation that she can get away from.
My dad is upset and I think I was a bit harsh about it. Mom told me that I should have been gentle and tried to understand his emotions rather than lashing out at him.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it’s one thing if he genuinely wants to help her expenses with a raise, but it’s another thing if he wants to manipulate her into staying.
Maybe you were a bit harsh in your delivery, but that’s not acceptable behavior as her employer, especially if he cares about her. If he really wants her to stay, he can have a conversation with her as a friend — not as her employer using funds as leverage.” Lizardd06
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to say no jerks here. He can offer a raise, it’s entirely up to her whether or not she takes it. And I can’t call you a jerk for being concerned about her future. But it’s ultimately not your decision.” literalgarbageyo
Another User Comments:
“Yeah… I am torn, but I am going to have to go with YTJ. Now please, hear me out. I understand that you think you are doing what you think is best, but you should NOT be trying to discourage your father from offering her a raise.
If you feel that strongly about her going off to school you should be talking to HER and telling her that you think she will have better prospects in the future should she get more schooling under her belt. Because, ultimately, this should be HER decision, and by telling your dad not to “manipulate” her with the offer of a raise to keep her there, YOU are manipulating her into going by taking away her chance to CHOOSE between schooling and a raise.
That is no better than your father in this case. And if she finds out, and she had WANTED to stay on at a higher salary, with the thought that SHE may one day be able to take over the business, that you had COST HER THAT, by convincing your dad to NOT offer her that raise, it WILL damage, and possibly cost YOU, your relationship with her.” SayerSong
1. AITJ For Wanting My Partner To Pay Half The Rent For My Apartment?
“My partner and I have been living apart for about 10 months.
She lives in my hometown, and I’ve been living in another city for work. Now I’m back, and I’ve been staying with my parents for a few months while searching for an apartment.
Since rent is ridiculously high in my area, I’ve decided to buy an apartment.
I finally decided on one, which my family thinks is great but my partner doesn’t like because of the area of the city it is located in. It’s not a bad area at all, it’s just ‘far away’ from downtown. 10/15 minutes by bike.
My partner currently shares another apartment with her roommate, and last month her roommate told her that she will be leaving town for work.
So now she needs to find a place to live. (The apartment they shared is very expensive for one person)
We started talking about living together and finances came up. I took for granted that we would split in half all of the expenses (house, electricity, water, heating, etc.).
And she was surprised that I intended to ‘make her pay rent’. She said that since it’s my house, I should pay for it and then the rest of the expenses will be split between the two.
After multiple long discussions, we haven’t changed our minds.
She feels that it’s not cool that I will charge her rent and I think that we should split it. Then I suggested that she can rent an apartment and, then in the future we could buy a home that we both like, and I could rent or sell this one.
She said that that is not an option. Implying that this would mean us breaking up.
I’ve discussed this with some family and friends, and they all agree that all expenses should be split, it doesn’t matter if the house is mine or rented from someone else.
She has also discussed with her friends and some of them also think that it’s not cool that I will make her pay rent.
Other details: We have been together for 1 year and 3 months and we more or less earn the same income. I also want to mention that the monthly mortgage payment is significantly lower than the average rent price in my town.
That’s why I decided to buy instead of rent.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. While I don’t agree with your partner, I also don’t think she should be expected to pay 1/2 of your mortgage without gaining equity in the home. Perhaps a 60/40 split would be more fair?
But if she’s living with you, she should definitely pay some rent, it’s not fair on you to pay the entire payment.” constantlyfrustr8d
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. No rent is unreasonable but paying half of the mortgage while gaining no ownership is just as unreasonable.
You two need to compromise – a lower, reasonable rent or a plan for her owning half the house.” CakeEatingRabbit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ (or maybe ESH?). Whether you’re the owner/landlord or some stranger is, it’s not fair for her to expect literally zero rent.
It costs money to live somewhere, and it’s not fair for her to just straight-up demand you cover 100 percent of that for both of you. That said, how much you charge for her rent IS up for discussion. A pure 50/50 on the home’s mortgage and repairs isn’t a good way to decide this, because she’s not sharing 50/50 in the ownership.
No, a fair rent would be capped at half the market rate (as if you were renting it out to strangers), and then you negotiate it down from there based on other factors. Like: 1. Her sacrificing desired location and/or amenities to be where your house is located (like if you both rented together, would you be renting in a different place, and she’s having to forgo that choice because you own and don’t want to sell).
2. This house representing way more cost than she’d otherwise rent for herself (like if you both were renting together, her finances would require you to choose a less expensive rental) 3. A negotiated split based on income %’s (like again, if you both rented somewhere together, would you be covering more/less based on who makes more/less, which is a fairly common outcome?) 4.
Other non-financial considerations (like maybe her volunteering to take on more than a 50/50 split in chores, her bringing more furnishings, her helping you with repairs), etc. And if that negotiated number happens to bear some resemblance to a 50/50 split of the mortgage, then ok, but it would be purely coincidental.” PARA9535307
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