People Grab The Opportunity To Explain Their Side In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
19. AITJ For Not Wanting To Invite My Biological Dad To My Wedding?
“I (27M) am getting married in June. Right before I was born, my biological father broke up with my mother. My mother also passed away when she was young, so I was legally adopted and raised by her brother.
As you can expect, I am not very close with my father. He contacted me when I was 24, and from then on, we only met twice a year – for Christmas and my birthday (June).
Last week, while meeting with my father, I told him that I would be unable to meet him on my birthday, because of my wedding in June. (My birthday and wedding day are only a few days apart).
My father assumed that he was invited and said that he was excited to attend the wedding and that he was excited to introduce his wife and three children to me. I told him he had gotten it all wrong and that I was not planning on inviting him or his family to the wedding.
First of all, due to the global situation, my fiancee and I want a small wedding, with only close family and friends.
I’m not that close to my father, so I wasn’t planning on inviting him to the wedding.
My fiancee thinks I made a reasonable decision. After that day, my father kept sending me text messages asking me to let him know if I ever change my mind. It makes me feel kind of guilty.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
That man abandoned you. Has he sincerely apologized? He owes your adoptive parent 18 years of child support. Has he mentioned his intentions regarding that? When he asked to be invited to the wedding, did he offer to pay for it, since he’s claiming to be the father of the groom?
If he wants to introduce you to ‘his family’, why does it need to happen at your wedding? It sounds like he wants a big show more than he wants you to meet your siblings.
I don’t have much regard for men who abandon their children. Especially when they don’t pick up their responsibility after the other parent dies.
You owe him nothing. He owes you everything. Don’t let him tell you differently.
Sending you internet grandma hugs.” Literally_Taken
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is your wedding and everything about it should be about what makes you and your fiancé happy and comfortable. Far too many parents/families think their kids’ weddings belong to them in some way.
And thinking your wedding is the best place for you to meet your bio dad’s wife and three children is nuts. Bio dad should have invited you to a dinner or something earlier—especially if your having a relationship with them was important to him.
You’ve had a relationship for 3 years! Your wedding is not a time to meet new people.
Reiterate to your dad that your decision has been made and his repeatedly asking causes your stress.” velma-solved-it
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, OP; and your wedding is DEFINITELY NOT the right occasion for him to introduce you to his family. Nope nope nope. This day is about YOU (and your SO). Just write to him that he was missing in action for the first 24 years of your life, you only see him twice a year, and that he’s had a couple of years to introduce you to his family, but since that hasn’t happened your wedding day is the worst possible occasion to do so and if he wants you to meet them, you can meet up when he celebrates his birthday, or for the birthday of his wife or their children.
And that you respectfully ask him to stop pressuring you because you will not be changing your mind.” ProgrammerBig6254
18. AITJ For Banning My Sister From The Hospital?
“I (f14) am the youngest of 8. My siblings are Eric (34), Isabella (30), Ashley (27), Liza (25), Kelly (24), Sophia (22), and Megan (21).
We all have the same dad but I have a different mom than my siblings. I don’t think I’ve ever met my bio mom tho and my ‘stepmom’ adopted me when I was a baby.
Megan has never liked me. She liked being the youngest in the family and getting all of the attention and when I was born I became the center of attention. I also have problems with my heart and lungs, which means I took even more attention from her.
I’ve needed a lot of surgeries and I’ve been in and out of the hospital over the past few months. I was getting a b***d transfusion a few days ago and Megan asked if she could visit.
I didn’t really want her to but I didn’t want to start an argument so I said sure.
Something that is kinda important is that I don’t like pictures of me on social media. I have a feeding tube up my nose, they started me on a new medicine last year and it made parts of my skin change color, and a lot of my hair fall out, and I just don’t want people to see me like this.
Megan also has a few thousand followers on her social media and posts everything. Isabella was also hanging out with me and is very protective over me so I knew that if anything happened, she’d take care of it.
We all hung out for like an hour then I got tired and took a nap and when I woke up Megan was gone and Isabella seemed really upset. I asked what happened and she said that after I went to sleep, Megan started taking pictures and videos of me for her TikTok and Instagram.
Isabella said she told Megan to delete them and when Megan refused, she took Megan’s phone so she could delete everything herself. Megan got mad at Isabella and Isabella said she said something horrible to her but she won’t tell me what she said.
I trust Isabella and I know she wouldn’t lie to me so I texted Megan to let her know that I don’t want her to come to the hospital anymore because of what she said to Isabella and for trying to post pictures and videos of me.
Megan called Isabella a lying witch and sent a ton of texts insulting her. Then she got mad at me for believing Isabella over her, said I’m just like her, and said she can see why my ‘real mom’ didn’t want me (I sent the texts to my parents and they said they’ll take care of it).
She posted a video on Tiktok about how Isabella assaulted her and the family banned her from seeing me but isn’t doing anything about Isabella. She posted a similar video on her Youtube and she seems really upset about it so I wanted to know if I was the jerk for banning her when I only know one side of the story.”
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ in any of this. You being in the hospital at all and your medical conditions are all private information, and if your parents really wanted to push on it, Megan shouldn’t be posting them because you are underage.
It’s okay that you like Isabella more. Megan is literally an adult using a child’s illness for her own gain which is disrespectful and cruel to you.” i_am_the-bad_woolf
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you should absolutely be able to control who sees you at your most vulnerable.
There is no reason at all that you should feel guilty about protecting yourself from someone who would lob such a horrible insult at you instead of apologizing or reacting in a way that doesn’t make her seem really guilty.” inzillah
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I would have banned Megan too. I have a BFF who, if she had told me the same story as Isabella, I would have trusted her word, without talking to Megan either.
My BFF is someone I have known for years and trust. Someone who has never lied to me, and has shown me over and over again, she is a good, kind person. Likely similar to how you feel about Isabella.
As others have said, tell the nurse, or hospital that Megan is banned from visiting you, because she took unlawful pictures and videos of you in the hospital, while you were sleeping, and was going to post them on the internet.
The hospital can alert security to stop Megan if she does try to come.” KarenMaca
17. AITJ For Telling My Ex He Needs To See A Therapist?
“I went out with my ex for just under 8 weeks. He’s a great guy, we were compatible, but I kind of freaked out last week.
My ex has a high-stress job and told me he needed me to be dependable and consistent.
He began needing help with anxiety attacks. Sometimes he would call me when he was spiraling and I would talk him through the attack until he had color in his face again.
Then he started becoming distraught over minor medical issues.
He thought he was seriously ill because of a rash and wasn’t sure if he would make it through the night.
I didn’t have a problem with helping him. I care about him.
I’m a caring person. I’m not judgemental.
However, his intense anxiety started to turn into him being controlling of me. He would have a meltdown if I didn’t respond for a few days because I was sick.
Then he needed me to send my location, use the bathroom at specific times, or do other weird things like sending him selfies before I went to bed. He said I could no longer turn my phone off without telling him the duration of the time.
We had an argument because he forgot the name of the university where I currently study. Honestly, I was upset because he has been continually needy, stressed, and he can’t remember any details about my life.
I admit I lost patience and told him I think he needs professional help. I told him I felt like a therapist, and as someone with mental health issues, it’s not healthy and I’m drained.
He has since stopped speaking to me. It’s been a week. He said he wants to see other people.
Am I the jerk? Should I have been kinder in my delivery?”
Another User Comments:
“So your partner is using you for emotional help, wants you to be on call 24/7, and doesn’t want to get help so he can continue making you drop everything and come to his help when asked?
NTJ – This is an abusive relationship. This is a real thing, draining the other partner for their own good and not realizing what’s wrong with that.
I know you want to help him, but he doesn’t want you to.
He wants your attention and to be consoled at the moment, but he never wants to be better.
Not only can he destroy your life and you become his caretaker, but he also won’t make any effort to become better himself.
Maybe he will do that after the breakup but I warn you to not keep in contact to check-in. Leave him alone. Don’t console him, don’t ask how it’s going. He’s never going to be in a healthy relationship in that state he is in.
Do both of yourself a favor and ghost him.” RRay108
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I definitely feel for you. It can be very draining to try and talk down someone who’s in a spiral and to do it frequently is very exhausting.
To be clear: I am not blaming your ex for his issues or for needing help, not in the least, just saying it can be hard to be that support person. Maybe you could have been nicer, we can’t know exactly how you said it, but I’m going to give you the benefit here because I don’t think your intentions were to hurt your ex.
Sometimes you just reach a breaking point.
Also, relying so completely on someone you’ve only dated for 8 weeks seems a bit over the line to me. He almost certainly does need professional help.” thephantomofleroux
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Stay as far away from this person as you possibly can. It was kind of you to suggest he get help – I would have blocked him and run as soon he so much as suggested I plan my bathroom trips around his needs.
Everything about this is a red flag, please learn from this experience and be on the lookout for these things in the future.
The fact that he needed you when he was having an anxiety attack after being together for only two months is not romantic or a sign of how close you were.
He was using this as a way to control you and make you feel both important and responsible for him.
It is not ok to control when a partner does things like go to the bathroom or when they turn their phone off.
It is not ok to demand to know your location or demand pictures as proof.
He was trying to make it seem like these things were about your helping him when they were actually about him controlling you.” Forward_Squirrel8879
16. AITJ For Demanding An Apology From My Mother-In-Law?
“I am recently engaged to the greatest man on earth and so excited. His mom isn’t a huge fan of mine and has been rude in the past but isn’t awful. While she doesn’t like me she also is not enmeshed with her son and has healthy boundaries.
I’m a huge huge girly girl type, very type A, a bit of a control freak, sentimental, and maybe a bit extra. She is the opposite and I think I drive her crazy.
We recently got some beautiful engagement pictures done.
I wanted nice pics of us and wanted to test out the photographer.
A few nights later she had a party at her house and was drinking. She was in the kitchen with her husband, and her sister, and BIL.
I went to get something and heard their convo. Her sister commented on my engagement photos. MIL’s sister had a huge princess-y wedding so I was a bit surprised that she seemed critical. MILs BIL asked if engagement photos are a thing as he hadn’t heard of them.
MIL explained what they were and said she hates them and they are so cheesy and the poses make her want to die. She then proceeded to jump on her husband and kiss/lick/bite his face with dramatic kissy noises and like I love you so much, let’s take cringey pictures like we are in a low-budget rom-com.
I was hurt and felt she was mocking me.
I confronted her the next day with my fiancé and said I don’t like her giving her opinions on my wedding. She was like ok.
I also mentioned I saw her mocking me. She tried to brush it off and I said it was rude and I want an apology. MIL said they were just playing around and sorry that I heard.
I said that was a bad apology and gave her a warning that if she gives any more opinions maybe she will be excluded. She rolled her eyes at that. My fiancé is mostly on my side but worried my wording was harsh.
His sister and cousins think I overreacted.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your MIL doesn’t have to like or appreciate your photos. You and your future husband do. This is one of those cases where she has an opinion and an opinion is like a jerk.
Everyone has one and they stink. You also cannot control others’ opinions. What she will say about the wedding will probably suck, but what she will say about you if excluded from the wedding will suck even more and you are now creating friction between son and mother.
Not a great way to start a marriage.” S_Kilsek
Another User Comments:
“I’m leaning towards ‘everyone sucks here’. She wasn’t nice about your engagement photos, but she was also talking about it in what she assumed was a safe space – with her peers.
Every generation is going to think things younger people do are ridiculous, I don’t think weddings are any exception.
You’re correct in that she was rude, but making her apologize if she truly thinks engagement photo poses are cheesy, means you’ll get an empty apology at best. I know it sucks, but you’ll probably end up happier if you can let it go.” redthefern
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
She was drinking and talking dumb.
It doesn’t sound like she was talking about your engagement photos in particular, and she’s totally entitled to find them cheesy and stupid. She’s allowed to have an opinion you don’t agree with.
That doesn’t mean she’s going to get wasted and ruin your wedding. You taking it personally sounds more like a ‘you’ problem.
You admitted to being extra, type A, and a control freak, and you absolutely were in this situation.
Those qualities are not something you should be boasting about, but flaws that you are actively working to correct. You can begin on that path by apologizing to your MIL for your aggressive and excessive overreaction.” False-Guess
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Too many folks here with too many opinions. People, whether directly related to you or not, are going to judge you no matter what you do but ESPECIALLY when it comes to weddings.
She’s the jerk because she got sloppily wasted and gave a poor apology. YTJ because WOW that went from zero to 100 in under a half second; you’re really threatening to disinvite her to your wedding over her own opinions on engagement photos?
Everyone here needs to go to their separate corners and calm down a bit.” PlagueNurse2020
15. WIBTJ If I Bring My Own Toilet Paper When Visiting My In-Laws?
“I have Endometriosis (a disease characterized by the presence of tissue resembling endometrium (the lining of the uterus) outside the uterus) on my intestines, and an illness called Ulcerative Colitis (an inflammatory bowel disease (IBD) that causes inflammation and ulcers (sores) in your digestive tract), along with IBS (Irritable bowel syndrome, a common, long-term condition of the digestive system.
Symptoms can include stomach cramps, bloating, diarrhea and/or constipation). If you know about any of these, then you know I use the bathroom a lot sometimes 2-3X as often as the average person.
It’s much worse when I travel, because of the stress and usually having to eat less than optional food.
My in-laws seem incapable of understanding that I naturally use more toilet paper than they do.
Every time we visit, they sit me down (oftentimes in front of others) and have a ridiculous conversation where they try to teach me how much toilet paper to use.
And every time I explained that I use the exact amount they insist, and I can’t help that I have to use the bathroom more often, and therefore use more than they do.
I find these discussions to be humiliating and feel like after 7 years, they are being willfully ignorant.
They are also oddly offended whenever I offer to give them $ for it or bring my own. Apparently, they think that I’m implying that they are bad hosts and not providing properly.
But I am sick of these discussions. It messes with my eating disorder and makes me try to avoid eating so that I don’t poop as much. Which is obviously very bad for me.
We will be there for 2 weeks this time, and I absolutely need to care for myself.
So I want to bring my own toilet paper, which I will keep in my suitcase and not touch theirs at all. I know they will get mad if I tell them, but I also don’t want them to use my not using all the toilet paper as ‘proof’ that I was overusing it before if I don’t tell them.
WIBTJ if I just bring it, and let them deal with their feelings about it?
Edit to add, my SO has gotten into many fights about this and definitely defends me. But his parents are horribly stubborn and won’t listen.
And neither of us think it’s worth it to go no contact when it’s a once-twice-a-year issue.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Next time your in-laws try to ‘sit you down’ about how much tp you use, you need to stop them DEAD and start giving them very graphic details about your condition.
Offer to let them know the amount and consistency of every bowel movement as it happens, so they can be the judge of how much toilet paper is ‘reasonable’. If they want to police your toilet habits, make sure they are at least WELL informed on everything that goes on in there so they can make informed decisions.” Padloq
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!
Wow, your in-laws suck and so does your SO for not standing up for you. I have Endometriosis myself and it is terrible and pure torture when it is at its worst. I can’t imagine having to deal with insensitive dumb people on top of that.
Propose to both of them that they attach themselves to an endo/birth simulator after eating a massive dinner and chugging laxatives. THEN confiscate the toilet paper and make a big deal of them using too much of it.
I reckon that will shut them up.
Jesus Mary, Joseph, and all of their carpenter friends! These people are awful” Safe_Extension_4044
Another User Comments:
“You’re right about this being a weird one.
It’s surely obvious to anyone that you’ve told, that your medical issues make you need more than their desired amount of toilet paper… therefore why exactly haven’t they got the hang of this yet?
The only thing I can think of is that they’re being wilfully weird and it’s a control issue for them. No normal person should need to be told more than once, let alone 7 years’ worth of being told.
I’d honestly just take some in my handbag or something and take my bag to the bathroom each time. Or… get some medical cards printed out and hand one to them each time they whinge.
Something like ‘I have a medical condition that means I use the toilet more than most people. Please do not be offended when I spend more time than most people in the bathroom. Thank you for your understanding’.
If they whinge at you after that, they become a jerk in everyone’s eyes.
I mean… do they think that repeated whinging is going to fix your medical issue. Or? because if that was a cure, I’d be running around instead of crawling up the stairs, and you’d be issue free already.
NTJ.” singing_stream
14. AITJ For Peeing In The Cat Tray?
“I (29F) and my partner (25M) have been together for 3 years and have lived together for one of those. We live in a small 1 bedroom flat that has one bathroom with our 2 cats. I am a diabetic and I’m on a number of medications, one of them basically flushes sugar straight through my system and can make me pee a lot.
I can go from not feeling like I need to pee to if I don’t pee in the next 20 minutes I’ll pee myself. It comes on suddenly sometimes. My partner has IBS (Irritable bowel syndrome, a common, long-term condition of the digestive system) and he can spend 40 minutes in the bathroom easily sometimes.
This hasn’t been a problem thus far.
Today though he had a bad IBS moment and after 40 minutes locked in the bathroom I felt that I needed to pee. I figured he wouldn’t be very long since he’d already been in there 40 minutes.
I knocked on the door and let him know I needed to pee and ask how long he’d be. He said he’d be a few minutes. No problem.
20 minutes later (so he’s been in there an hour at this point) I am kinda doing the potty dance a little and knocking on the door again.
He’s gonna be a few more minutes. I tell him I’m not gonna be able to hold it much longer and if he could just unlock the door and I’ll just hop in the shower.
He says he can’t get off the toilet right now. Fair enough.
After another 15 minutes and my bladder is starting to hurt. And he hasn’t flushed or anything yet. I figure screw it, my bladder hurts and I’m bursting and I figured the cats would forgive me.
We have 2 litter trays, one in the bathroom and one in a nook in the corridor. I pop a squat over the litter tray in the corridor and have a tinkle and use a kitchen towel to wipe.
I then bag up the litter tray and completely refresh it.
He comes out another 10 minutes later and says the bathrooms are free and I tell him it’s fine. He gives me a funny look and I tell him what I did.
He looks at me absolutely disgusted and says that is revolting.
I tell him I’d rather just refresh the litter tray which takes seconds than pee on myself and have to do a lot of washing.
He hasn’t spoken to me all evening and he says he can’t believe I would do something so gross. I tried to tell him a number of times I really needed to go and he said I should learn to hold it better.
This has kinda left me feeling like I’m the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – he came out 45 mins after you told him you needed to go and then got annoyed because went in the litter box.
Listen, my bowels work on boom or bust, but after the 1st ‘I’ll just be a minute’ I concede that this might not be a minute and let the other person know so they can make other arrangements.
(not a huge deal now with a powder room but we had an emergency kiddie potty in our 1 bath home)
If he told you 5 minutes after you initially told him you needed to go that there was no end in sight maybe you could have gone to the store, but 45 min was straight-up jerk behavior, and being upset with you for your clever solution just makes him a massive jerk.
As others have said, keep the bathroom door unlocked, get a camp bucket, and consider a replacement partner. You were very understanding of his medical situation, and he was completely dismissive of yours. I’d think back carefully over the last few months and consider if there is some slight he feels (real or imagined) that would make him be petty enough to want you to have an accident and upset enough that you didn’t.” Tired_Mama3018
Another User Comments:
“You’re 100% NTJ. You gotta do what you gotta do. Honestly, his reaction is so immature and a bit hypocritical considering he has IBS and who knows what he’d do if it was the other way around and he had to use the bathroom but had to wait that long.
I don’t even have the health issues you have and I’d probably do something like that too if it came to it, plus litter boxes are literally used for peeing. That’s their purpose.
It’s not like you’d peed in the bed or something. It’s an easy cleanup and you took care of it yourself.
The fact that he’s so disgusted by this is honestly childish and pathetic.
He literally sat on a toilet pooping for an hour but you having to pee is so gross? Both are natural and since you both have health conditions that affect them you don’t have as much control.
He should have more empathy for you. It concerns me that he doesn’t and the fact that he thinks peeing in a box that’s literally made for a pee because he’s been in the bathroom for over an hour and you have to go cuz you have a medical condition is a good reason to ignore you all evening and make you feel like a jerk.
He has no right to be upset with you and act like a child because you took care of your basic human needs, especially since you didn’t make a mess or ruin anything and you cleaned up the litter box.
He needs to grow up or get out. You shouldn’t be made to feel bad for this at all.” FinanceOtherwise2583
Another User Comments:
“He clearly doesn’t understand your medical condition so perhaps you need to reiterate.
Ask him how he would feel if he felt an IBS situation coming on and couldn’t use the bathroom for 1 hour. Ask him what he would do. He needs to get it through his head that there are two of you and one bathroom.
Something has got to give. And hey, maybe if you’re diabetic and he has IBS, you two just aren’t compatible. And that’s ok! But you’ll need to talk to each other first to try and work something out.
NTJ because you were out of options.” Weird_Biscuits9668
13. AITJ For Sending My Brother To Jail?
“So for Christmas, my mother got me and my wife a pride flag, and we hung it on the outside of our garage. It got stolen a few days ago, but since we have cameras we were able to figure out the culprit was my brother.
This isn’t a huge surprise, I came out at 12 and 32 years later and he has been nothing but horrible to me because of that. I decided, even so, to call him up and ask him to return the flag, I told him that as long as he doesn’t do it again we can forget about it.
He refused and said some homophobic slurs, so I called the police and reported it.
He is on probation so he could go back to jail now. He called me and cursed me out saying I’m sending him to jail for stealing a $10 flag.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he deserves to be there. You owe him nothing. He broke the law and it’s not the first time clearly and that in no way is your fault. He knew he was on probation he knew what he can and cannot do on parole and he made the decision again to break the law so he made his own bed and now he can make his own bed in a cell.
Also, I’d press charges for his hate speech too. Stealing a pride flag and calling you names etc is not theft it’s a hate crime which is a bigger charge than theft alone.
I say sit back and toast him while he gets tossed back into prison. You do not have to tolerate that kind of treatment from anyone and definitely not from family. I am truly sorry that his response to your coming out has been this horrible you don’t deserve that and I hope he’s out of your life permanently now.
Don’t feel guilty he doesn’t feel guilt for mistreating you.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You’re not the reason he went to jail in the first place and got on probation. You didn’t force him to steal the flag.
You made a reasonable request to return the flag, telling him what you’d do if he didn’t – and he refused. You didn’t do anything to him – this is 100% his fault and anyone who defends him while knowing about his actions and the way he treats you is complicit in that behavior, so they can blame themselves.
He has no compassion for you, people like you, and probably other groups of people purely because he’s convinced himself that they’re ‘wrong,’ and you already offered to settle this amicably. He doubled down, and now he’s dealing with the consequences of his own actions.” garimto
Another User Comments:
“He’s not going to jail for stealing a $10 flag. He’s going away because he’s a homophobe on probation who wanted to demoralize you by harassing you in the form of stealing.
I’m Super anti-flag when it comes to nations but when it comes to symbols for marginalized groups or oppressed peoples it’s a different thing. That flag is worth a lot more than the $10 it costs to buy it.
It represents a lot of people who came before you, some of whom died or suffered terribly, in order to be able to claim their humanity from others who would deny them that. Your brother is one of those people.
Screw him. He’s suffering the consequences of his own actions.
NTJ” User
12. AITJ For Not Covering My Coworker's Shifts?
“I (19F) work at a small grocery store that everyone in town uses, doing E-commerce, pickup, and Courtesy clerk. I essentially work in 2 departments as E-commerce and pickup are meshed together.
Most of the people I work with are young teens with the understanding that my job is only an influx of funds while I wait for my Military enlisting process to finally send me to basic training.
I have one coworker, in particular, that got ahold of my personal phone number in November of 2021. If that didn’t irritate me his messages every other day about picking up his shift that day, really did.
I went up 2 hours away from where I live and work to MEPS (Military Entrance Processing Station)in December, with all department staff knowing. I had checked into the hotel and gotten into my room at 15:00.
At 16:00 I had a call coming through, sure enough, this coworker (17M) wanted me to pick up his 17:00 shift that day.
When I told him no, he tried saying that if I actually needed funds while waiting in the military I ‘should just pick up extra shifts.’ Granted I don’t announce when I pick up a shift I just show up and get my work done, I was a little stunned to hear that.
I tried to remain calm and explained where I was and that I had announced the day before I was unable to work. He just repeated that I don’t actually care for the money.
I lost it and told him he is not to ask if I want to cover his shifts anymore and that if he does try to call or text again I will be blocking his number.
Shortly thereafter I informed management of the situation and have yet to see this employee since.
WIBTJ in this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your only problem is not blocking him sooner. I would have possibly paired that with explaining why I blocked him in person while in the break room away from customers.
He should know that finding someone’s personal number without their permission is extremely creepy. There’s a reason why nonviolent stalkers are still unsettling, you know. He was showing a similar lack of boundaries probably out of a combination of selfishness and immaturity.” LittleGravitasIndeed
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Boundaries exist for a reason. You should have reported it much sooner because it was inappropriate before and it shouldn’t have got to this level, so your only fault here was not handling it sooner, but you weren’t in the wrong for finally saying something.” Godaistudios
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re not obligated to pick up additional shifts. If you have the time and want to, it can be nice to build up goodwill and funds. Also, if you do pick up a shift for one person, you are not obligated to always cover for that person in the future or cover for another person.” Craftyallthetime
11. AITJ For Disclosing My Salary To My Cousin?
“For my (24F) entire life, I’ve never had much to spend for Christmas, I would always get my family cheap or DIY presents. This year, I have been at my job for about a year (software engineer) and I could actually afford some nice things for people so I spent a decent amount of funds on my immediate family.
My immediate family exchanged presents on Christmas eve this year (Dad, Mom, Lil Bro & me). I bought my brother (19M) a nice Alienware gaming laptop because the laptop that he was using for school was my old one (that I used all through school) and was in bad shape.
He is a comp sci major, just like I was, and I knew how much he needed something that was going to last. Plus he can get some stress relief by playing games on it.
Christmas day, we went to my grandparents’ house and my brother was telling my Uncle and my cousins about the laptop at dinner. My cousin (22M) looked up the laptop on his phone and saw how much it was and told everyone.
My uncle said that it was nice of my parents to buy my brother such a nice laptop, and my dad chimed in and said that -my name- bought it.
My cousin asked how I could afford to give such a nice present and asked how much I make.
I told him a ballpark number and my Aunt said that I shouldn’t be making that much income to just to play on the computer all day. I got defensive and said that I worked really hard to get my job and I deserve it.
That night my uncle called my dad and said that I was being inappropriate at dinner and shouldn’t be ‘flashing money around’ when I know that my cousin is unemployed and having a hard time.
Am I the jerk for answering the question? I probably should have made a joke about it, but he came off as serious like he may have wanted to pursue a software engineer career so that’s why I told him.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – They are claiming it was rude to answer a question their son asked. Yet they don’t have an issue with him asking it or with the fact that he was pricing other people’s gifts at the dinner table and grilling them about it.
As a relatively young woman in a male-dominated field that few people (especially older generations) understand, you are unfortunately going to get these types of comments a lot. Practice saying something like this ‘Given my education and experience, my salary is in line with industry standards for my role and responsibilities.
If you (your son, your friend, your whoever) are (is) interested in this field, I would be happy to sit down with you (them) to discuss the steps you (they) would need to take to pursue this type of work.’
You never have to answer questions about your salary if you don’t want to. You can just say you would rather not share that information. There are plenty of arguments for people being more transparent about their salary as a way to empower workers (particularly women, who tend to be underpaid compared to male colleagues), but those arguments don’t really apply to nosy family members.
Bottom line? It is never rude for you to give an honest answer when asked this question. Though it is occasionally rude for others to ask it.” Forward_Squirrel8879
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is one of those situations you have to remember most people’s behavior has nothing actually to do with you and everything to do with them.
Your cousin is salty about how much they make ($0) and probably not feeling great about it. Your aunt then decides to belittle you, to cover up the fact that she is probably disappointed in the success of whatever field your cousin went into, thinking it’s more worthy than your computer skills.
(A LOT of people feel salty about computer jobs because they are too dumb to differentiate an engineering job from a data entry job, probably what they imagine you are doing). After your family left, the cousin probably complained to his mom and dad and in an effort to make their child feel better, the uncle decides to overstep and be a jerk when the real issue is in his own home with everyone feeling dissatisfied with each other.
Ignore it and keep working hard. Your household is happy.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You did nothing wrong. You answered a question. If people are going to be harmed by answers they shouldn’t ask.
If you’d then made cracks all night about being well off and kept finding excuses to bring it up – then you would have been. But answering a question? Or because your brother was excited about his awesome gift?
God no.” Acedia_spark
10. AITJ For Wanting To Watch The CCTV Tape To Clear My Name?
“I work in a cinema that frequently has special screenings. Last week we hosted a charity event with the spokesperson of the charity. Unbeknownst to me, a collection box was put up for donations.
After every guest left, the charity spokesperson and my manager went into the office and I was left alone to close up.
After 15 minutes or so both of them returned (I was busy closing the hall) and a moment later I heard the spokesperson yelling.
I went back to the counter and asked what was going on and was immediately accused by the spokesperson of stealing coins out of the box. I was shocked and swore that I didn’t touch the box and didn’t even know that the box was left alone ‘with me’.
I was told that ‘a few handfuls of money’ was obviously missing and my manager agreed how suspicious it was that I was left alone with the donations and now funds were missing.
A back and forth of me swearing that I didn’t steal anything and the spokesperson still accusing me of doing exactly that lasted for a minute or so.
I was close to tears at the end and was told by both of them to ‘just forget it’ and ‘whatever’. But the way they were looking at me and each other made me feel so horrible, so I offered that they could check my bag and coat.
I was told to ‘drop it, it’s done now, we will talk later’ by my manager and they were getting ready to leave.
At that point, I ‘remembered’ that we have a surveillance camera, so I asked that we watch the tape.
I was told that it was late and they wanted to go. But I was so angry at the whole situation that I pretty much yelled at them that we will have to watch the tape now!
Both of them were really mad but went with me to watch the tape.
And guess what? It showed me behind the counter for a few minutes and disappeared into the hall. The box was standing there, but I didn’t look at it once, didn’t touch it, and just walked past it a few times…
There was complete silence for a moment and then the spokesperson just said ‘Okay, well then…’ and was getting ready to leave again. I asked for an apology but was told, very condescendingly that the topic was already dropped, that I made such a scene at the end for ‘no reason’ and made them all stay almost 30 minutes late.
My manager apologized profusely to the spokesperson for the ‘inconvenience’ and ushered them out the door. After that, my manager absolutely laid into me for my ’embarrassing’ behavior. I was told that I could have just it go and we should have watched the surveillance tape on another day and how completely and unnecessarily I escalated the situation…
We left after that, both of us still fuming, and since then the story has made the rounds and half of my colleagues are on my side, but the other half thinks that I got way too emotional and my behavior made the incident into a much bigger thing than it had to be.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“UGH, absolutely NTJ. Where do they get off accusing you of theft with basically no evidence? That is a huge freaking deal, and then just telling you the subject is closed, because it’s late and they want to go home?
They didn’t care that they would have sent you home feeling horrible and worrying over whether they might call the police, or if you were going to lose your job.
Also, good on you for insisting you watch the surveillance camera that night!
Who knows what would have happened to the footage, and let’s be honest, they probably never planned to review it, because it sounds like they had no clear evidence that any amount was missing and they probably realized they made a big mistake by blaming you.
You deserve a profuse apology. Your manager is awful. I would quit. This kind of nonsense is not worth it and there are plenty of service jobs hiring right now.” Ok-Succotash7483
Another User Comments:
“OP, you did the right thing.
It did indeed need to be handled right then and there. This is your good name that was besmirched and who knows what would have happened to that video if you waited until the next day.
This is the kind of thing that sets your character in stone for other people and can follow you through life. I would look for a new job and write a letter to the head of the charity about the spokesperson’s behavior.
Perhaps they intended to take funds after the fact and chose you to point the finger at. NTJ and always cover your butt as you did. If your boss says anything more to you, ask them if he expected you to go home feeling horrible about being falsely accused to be a thief.
Screw him and that spokesperson. NTJ.” Decent_Bandicoot122
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ, had you not insisted on watching that surveillance tape you could have been fired or worse, charged with theft, especially since you said the footage gets deleted after 48 hours.
Maybe this is way off base but the way you said it makes it sound like a setup. The two of them left the office for 15 minutes or so and then came back and immediately started accusing you of stealing.
Most managers would or at least should stand up for their employees and give them the benefit of the doubt but they both accused you without missing a beat. Then when you gave them ways to prove your innocence (look in your coat and bag and check the tapes) they both told you to drop it.
I don’t know about anyone else but if I thought someone stole from my charity or even just me and they gave me permission to check their things I would 100% check their things. I wouldn’t just give up and tell them to drop it.
That’s so weird. Like I said this could be an off-base claim and maybe I’m just paranoid but it seems very strange to me how that went down.” Username1_Not_Found
9. AITJ For Wanting To Stop Catering To My Partner?
“My partner and I have been together for some time now and we are getting to the next stage of our relationship.
House, marriage, kids, etc. He makes way more than me and works way fewer hours than I do. I work twice as hard as he does to make three times less. We currently split all financial obligations now 50/50; rent, bills, groceries, etc. He does pay for more going-out meals than I do but I would say that it’s 60/40.
When discussing house budgets he started off with a number that I can not afford half of. He then compromised and lowered slightly but still not a number I was comfortable with. When I explained to him I think we should start small and that we can always upgrade or renovate our home he said no, that he wouldn’t be happy unless we start at his budget.
He then said that he would pay the difference of whatever my 50% budget was and that I just needed to sign something saying I only own said the percentage of the house which would come to about 33%.
I told him I don’t agree with this since I don’t think this is fair, and we should agree on a budget together for our future home. He said regardless my equity is the same so why does it matter?
I should be happy he is willing to pay more and put us in a nicer home.
He doesn’t understand why I’m so bothered by this, and I keep explaining to him it’s not how I pictured buying a home with my future husband to be, I want harmony in our home and I want to know that we did it together, and based on love.
I keep telling him this is where we will raise our family, and I don’t want to feel like I’m only worth 33%. I thought that we would be going into this as a team, and I can’t help but feel like he just wants a business partner and not a wife.
I have always taken care of 100% of all house chores; laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc. Since his proposal, I have suggested that we should now split everything 50/50 to make things fair. I said he should clean after I cook, and that he should do his own laundry now, and also help clean when I clean.
He does not agree and thinks I am just being petty now because I didn’t get my way with the house.
I feel like he doesn’t value the work that I do and he feels like I’m being unfair and not letting him protect what is rightfully his, his money.
I don’t want his money. I just want to know if he cares about something more than his money. AITJ for wanting to stop catering to him now? I’m scared that we are starting down a path that will only get uglier.
Resentment and calculations. Lovers to roommates.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ll be honest, I like to give the benefit of the doubt. I’d be willing to say sure, but his initial statement about percentages came from a place of math/logic and not love/partnership and he didn’t realize how it sounds.
But you said let’s split everything then. His response is what bugs me. He said no, fairness and equity aren’t important on this matter that would require him to bear a greater burden than he does.
And he turned the suggestion into you being mean. He’s spun this to change the narrative. You are so busy trying to say you aren’t being mean and petty and defending your motivations that no one is dealing with his initial refusal to be your equal partner.
Life with him sounds exhausting potentially if this is the kind of guy he is. Some serious questions to ask him:
When it comes to chores, what takes precedence, income earned or hours worked? If I only have 13 ‘free’ hours in a day and you have 16, will you do more chores?
Or will I since you earn more in your shorter workday?
If we have a house and disagree on a room color or changing flooring, do you think you have the final say if you own 66.6%
If we have kids since I’m the one carrying and delivering them, do I get to pick the names since I’ve put in more effort?
If I get sick and have an unpaid leave of absence or if I lose my job, am I expected to ‘pay you back’ for half of all expenses?
If we have kids, how will medical bills be split? Will you cover half the pregnancy costs? Half the delivery?
If you want an added channel lineup or a faster internet speed than me, are you paying for the difference between half of what I wanted and the ending cost?
If someone doesn’t want to be a partner, these are things you need to know. In a marriage, everyone should contribute to the marriage/household. But that can look different depending on the situation.
You could stay home with kids and have no external income coming in. But there are no childcare costs. He never calls off work for a sick kid or appointments. A decent portion of the grocery shopping/appointments/errands/chores are handled without his involvement.
What is your value to him then? Do you stop accruing equity in the house you’re making a home? If you suddenly take a dream job and make more than him, will the agreement get ripped up?
Will you be expected to pay 50% or will it be more?
Marriage is work. It takes 100% effort. But that doesn’t mean you each give 50%every day. He may have the flu and you put in 90% of the effort that week.
You may have morning sickness and he puts in 75% for 8 weeks. He may lose someone close to him and be depressed and you’ll put in 100% of the effort because he’s not getting out of bed for several days.
If you try to keep score in a marriage, no one wins.” angel2hi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It seems as if this guy is very much attempting to strong-arm you into an arrangement that you’re not comfortable with.
Even worse, this man is supposed to be an EQUAL partner in this relationship yet he is dangling a carrot in front of you (the carrot being marriage) that you only get IF you kowtow to his demand of a ~33% share of a house that is intended to be a MARITAL home.
This is someone who is unwilling to compromise even though compromise and kindness will cost him exactly $0.00. If I were you, I would go to a lawyer and sign nothing until you knew for sure what the legal ramifications could be in the future should things not work out.
On a different note, personally, I would run from this relationship. I would take the dog and just cut my losses since it seems that if I were in you’re shoes I would be doing all of the household and emotional labor in this relationship.” WolfTotem9
Another User Comments:
“Show him the salaries for full-time housekeepers, chefs, laundry services, etc. and if you have kids a full-time nanny service (this isn’t a man who is going to help you raise your kids)
Basically, you’re NTJ but he sure is. My partner makes significantly more than me, still takes equal responsibility for domestic tasks, and splits finances based on our income, not 50/50. Equity in a relationship is not always about 50/50 equality.
It’s about making sure you’re both contributing to the household to the best of your ability. I pay about a third of all the bills, while he pays 2/3, but we both contribute equally in labor/ability which is what matters.
To be honest, in my opinion, this is not a partnership and not someone you should be building a life with. Meeting with a financial counselor or advisor could help with the housing issue, but the bigger issue, the lack of help with domestic labor and undervaluing your labor are not going to change.
This is not someone you should have kids with.” Dinosnorie
8. AITJ For Not Helping My Parents Anymore?
“My parents are both retired, They still owe me on the house but they have social security, and my baby sister was staying with them and helping them out too. I give them about 1000 per month so that they don’t have to struggle.
My sister moved out about 6 months ago and I didn’t get a straight answer from either about why she moved out but last month she moved to my city and I was able to spend some time with her and coax it out of her.
My sister had been with a guy for a few years. My parents adored him and they wanted her to get married. She told me that her partner had been very manipulative and it had been a toxic relationship.
She had finally broken up with him and they didn’t take it well. They invited him to dinners and he would hang out with them. They would try to make them get back together and they would leave her alone with him so that they could talk and get over it.
They didn’t believe her when she told them that he was cruel and had hurt her emotionally.
They were so out of line and they didn’t trust their own daughter. I called them and told them that I won’t be able to fund them for a while and they were distraught.
They had been stretched thin when my sister moved out and now they didn’t know how they will pay for everything. I told them they will figure it out themselves and I will pay for two months and after that, they had to survive on their own.
My parents have tried calling me a lot but I haven’t picked up. I feel like a jerk because they are old and I am forcing them to think about finances again. My husband thinks we should give them more time to sort their finances.”
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ
They not only took the side of a ex over your sister but then forced her to spend time with him after she found the courage to break up with him.
Um, WHAT? If they wanted the extra funds from your sister then maybe they should have thought about that before making those choices. You’re already being nicer than they probably deserve by giving them two extra months of financial help.
They’re adults and they can deal with the consequences of their actions. If finances are that tight, they can go get temp jobs of some sort for extra funds.” jade_writes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you gave them notice and it’s their fault, to begin with.
You shouldn’t have to fund your parents your whole life. It’s just like funding your kids your whole life. If your kids need help desperately, take them in for just long enough to get back on track and make it clear that they need to still pay their way.
Same with the parents. They have been needing help desperately for far too long. By now they should have figured out a way to reduce the burden (cut expenses, pay off or consolidate debt) or increase their income (the second job, selling stuff they don’t need anymore, asking for a raise, looking for a better paying job) on their own.
They should have sold their house and downsized to a smaller place to reduce the burden.” KittyLover32000
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What they did to your sister was awful and I hope they realize that.
Good for you for supporting her. But if you’re husband is on board with giving them more time, you should consider it if you can afford it. I’m not sure why they are in this financial bind.
Are they that bad with finances? Did they fund education for you and/or your sister? If they still owe you on a mortgage, then they either need to refinance if possible for a lower payment or sell and move to something more affordable.
If you can afford to pay the mortgage, maybe they could sign the house over to you. There are resources out there to help them, you or they can contact their local social services or aging and disability department.
They can’t rely on their children to fund their retirement indefinitely unless there’s something I’m missing in why they are in such bad financial shape to start with. Either way, that money would be better going to your own retirement so you don’t find yourself in this same situation.” lifewith6cats
7. AITJ For Kicking My Roommate's Significant Other Out Of Our Apartment?
“For the past 2 years, I and a close friend of mine have been living in an apartment and splitting rent 2 ways. We never had any problems with each other or disagreements about anything and this arrangement has always worked for us.
Recently my roommate has gotten into a serious relationship with this girl, and it didn’t take long for her to be over all the time. Then eventually she just flat out moved in, with no discussions with me, not even a simple heads up.
Whatever, fine I was cool with it.
I don’t know if it was just miscommunication on my part or just me assuming we were gonna be splitting rent 3 ways now, but when rent was due the next month I assumed I’d only be paying 1/3 of the rent due to there now being 3 people in the apartment.
I then told my roommate that his partner needs to pay her third of the rent and his argument was that they share a room and they’re now paying the rent for their room together.
I totally disagreed with this point because in my mind there are 3 people living here now rent should be split 3 ways.
So then I talked to them both and stated that if she’s not paying her share of the rent she needs to leave instead of trying to leech off my roommate and she immediately started packing her stuff and throwing a huge tantrum in the process calling me disrespectful and all sorts of stuff.
Me and my roommate have been arguing about this for 2 days straight now he even told our friend group and everyone seems to think I was in the wrong.
To clarify we never had any sort of plan or agreement if something like this were to happen, and it wasn’t until next month’s rent was due that it suddenly became an issue.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… yea it’s rude they did it without asking first. Also… I get the argument that it’s the same room they will occupy but there will be another person sharing the communal spaces.
And also, the fact that they share a room, if that room is small will likely make them spend more time in the communal areas. So, even if they don’t want a 3-way split and you agree to not do it like that… I wouldn’t pay more than 40%.
Can give them a small discount for keeping the same room but you need to be compensated for the inconvenience.” justMe482
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he was a massive jerk for moving someone in and expecting you to pay half of the increased costs with no benefits.
You are right about a 3rd person in the bills should be divided into 3rds rent is a little more negotiable depending on things like who has the larger room, if there is more than one bathroom, whichever way there should be a rent increase on their part and decrease on yours and they should be paying 2/3rds of the household bills which would increase with a 3rd person.
All of these changes should be discussed and agreed upon before the new person moves in and your landlord should be contacted to check to see if a 3rd person can even move into the property.
They are in the wrong here and her packing and leaving shows she was expecting a free ride.” HexStarlight
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Moving someone into a shared apartment without discussing it is immediate jerk status.
There is no way this is going to end well, regardless of how rent paying shakes out. That kind of entitled behavior won’t end here.
If you guys genuinely want to all live together in an equitable way.
The most typical way I know people deal with a situation like this is not ‘per bedroom’ but based on the square footage of space used. Determine your total square footage, and divide the rent by that.
Common spaces value gets divided by 3. You pay full space for the footage of your bedroom, The footage cost of their bedroom is divided by 2.
For example, if a thousand square foot apt. With equal size bedrooms costing $1,000 to rent, you are paying $1 per square foot.
If common areas take up 600 ft², each one of you owes $200 for that, you pay $200 for your bedroom, and they pay $100 each for their shared bedroom. So rent is divided 40/30/30. You save some funds by having her there, and they don’t spend an equal amount to you when sharing a bedroom.” Clean_Incident
6. AITJ For Asking My Mother-In-Law To Give Out Spare Key Back?
“6 months ago my husband (26 M) and I (27 F) got married. It was a small wedding with our parents and siblings and it involved a road trip out of state.
We didn’t really honeymoon because we considered the trip more than enough. Due to some financial and personal issues, MIL (49) had to move from Texas (where husband and I are located) to Kansas. The day after my husband and I arrived back from our trip, MIL calls and asks if she can stay with us for a couple of days while she looks at apartments.
We were hesitant but figured a few days wouldn’t hurt, plus she had already bought her plane ticket.
Long story short, a few days turned into a few months. We live in a two-bedroom one bathroom apartment and own two very hyper dogs.
Bottom line, I felt suffocated and my frustration was evident. Very early into MIL’s stay, my husband and I found out we were pregnant. After my first trimester, my husband told her that we really needed her to move out so we can start preparing a nursery, and it wasn’t until I was 22 weeks, that she had finally moved out.
I hold some resentment because I feel like she robbed my husband and me of a very important time, but I haven’t voiced my feelings to her because I don’t want to create any hostility and she can be VERY sensitive.
Now onto the current dilemma: it’s only been 2 weeks since she moved out, but she has started popping by when we aren’t home to ‘visit the dogs’ and using the spare key she kept.
I only found out today because she left some cooking utensils she borrowed on our counter. I asked my husband about this, and he doesn’t think it is that big of a deal. MIL isn’t married, and he said she is probably just lonely.
While I understand his perspective, I do not want these unannounced visits to become a regular occurrence. My biggest fear is that once our baby is here, her unannounced visits will become a daily routine.
I told my husband that he needs to get the key back from her IMMEDIATELY, but he is worried about hurting her feelings. I told him that when it comes to our privacy I no longer have concerns about her feelings when she clearly never considered ours.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I just changed the locks when I went through a similar situation. You are newlyweds who have had to share their time and now first pregnancy moments with someone else and that’s not fair.
I’d let your husband know that if he doesn’t feel comfortable asking for the keys back that you would like him to change the locks (or do it yourself) but those are the only options on the table for you.
Let him know you need to have some boundaries with her and if you guys don’t set them now when the baby comes she WILL just pop over and that’s not something you’re comfortable with.” UnicornsAreChubby
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I can understand you wanting to keep on top of who has spares especially once the baby arrives.
You might want to use that to your advantage.
You could ask the landlord to change the locks (at your expense) and lie to your MIL that too many had spares so you had to have the locks changed. Or simply say the locks were getting difficult to use (it happens) so you had to have the locks changed. —- don’t say you had them changed because you lost your keys or shell justify that you should give her a spare for emergencies.” Starfish-1982
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Decide how far you are willing to go. You can get the key back from her but that won’t prevent your husband from giving her another one in the future.
If you and your husband disagree about her popping in without you even being home how long will it be before she invites herself to move back into your home under the guise of ‘I don’t have anybody and you guys are my family so I want to help you?'” HoppyHoppyJoy
5. AITJ For Asking My Wife To Tell Her Friends Not To Call Me A House Husband?
“I (22M) am not one of the uber macho idiots who loses their minds every time their masculinity is called into question, but I don’t like being called a ‘house husband’ because I stay home.
I don’t like the term ‘housewife’ either.
My wife (22F) is the breadwinner so I stay at home with our sons, (2M) and (3moM). However, I learned that my wife’s friends jokingly call me the house husband and I don’t like it.
My wife personally doesn’t say anything but she doesn’t stop them either, and when I asked her to tell them to stop after she told me what they were saying she told me I was being dramatic and insecure.
When I brought up the subject again she acted like I was being ridiculous for asking and since she’s usually very understanding of things that bother me, I am questioning on my stance.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you have a preferred job/role title and those friends are intentionally picking another that they know bothers you, they’re being the jerks.
That said, pick a description for your work supporting the household and have your wife agree to use it (and introduce you accordingly to friends, co-workers, etc).
This sets a unified front against any ‘jokes’ from your wife’s friends.
I will say the term itself is not one I find offensive, though my (F) stay-at-home partner (M) uses ‘caretaker’ since we have no kids but lots of farm life and he does the vast majority of cleaning & laundry.
If you like anime, ‘The Way of the House Husband’ brought us both much amusement with our perceived role reversals. The key point being, find a description which you find has positive connotations for your household, use it, and request others do so as well.” laeliagoose
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I don’t care if they’re joking or using it derogatorily, I think it’s clear that they’re using it to emphasize the thought that you’re somehow lesser than your wife because she while you take care of kids.
Also, it seems like a double standard, if you went around calling all her friends housewives in the same way I’d assume she’d bring up their complaints about it. Either way being a good parent is the most important thing, the title isn’t what matters.” Xx_spaceboiii_xX
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I think it’s just basic respect. I work and my spouse mostly stays home with our 2 kids. If I started referring to her as a ‘housewife’ or frankly any kind of nickname that she was upset by, it would be basic respect to honor her and not refer to her by that term anymore.
It’s lame to not respect the work that stay-at-home caretakers do, as it’s incredibly difficult and exhausting work. Maybe offer an alternative like ‘Stay-at-home-parent’ or ‘baby wrangler’ or ‘sanitation crew’, or whatever resonates with you.” jonalewarm
4. AITJ For Stopping Paying For My Brother's Rent?
“My brother, 26, has had a hard time, and I have been helping him with rent since 2020. $1000 a month. At Christmas, my cousin (20) came out as Trans.
(M-F). This isn’t a shock to my family. I was thinking good for you. My brother continued to make comments about our cousin. He called them by the wrong name and pronouns to be spiteful.
My brother has had some bigoted views in the past. I have heard him say, ‘It’s Adam and Eve. Not Adam and Steve’ Brother was double downing on bigotry with religion as he was getting wasted. He said I’m not supporting it because I don’t believe in it.
I told him I would no longer support bigotry because I don’t believe in it. From this day forward, I’m closing the checkbook. Yesterday my brother called to say I was late with his January rent payment.
I told him to ask his church. He’s telling everyone I did him dirty, and I didn’t give him a chance to get a better job. He starts crying that he can’t work full time because of health issues.
I said you need to find a cheaper place to live. My parents and grandparents got the funds to help in January. I’m not helping him anymore. My wife agrees, and it has been an argument in our marriage for the last few years.
So it’s not something I can back down from.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You paid his rent for the better part of a year and he did nothing to improve that situation because it suited him.
He then decided that he could say incredibly hurtful things to a family member and gasp! there were consequences for that. You warned him, and good on you for sticking to it. He can either find a place he can afford or he can get a job that will allow him to afford the place he has.
Let his bigoted jerk hang in the wind.” Lyrasilverose
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Sorry, but you suck for giving your brother $1000/mo without getting your wife’s agreement (‘an argument in our marriage for the last few years’).
You never get to spend your family’s money on someone else without getting your partner’s agreement since that affects your family’s budget. Your brother most definitely is a jerk for his bigoted views and beliefs.
I’m glad you are no longer financially supporting him. He said you didn’t give him time to get a better job. Really? What has he been doing for the past two years if he had the ability to get a better job?
Sponging off you is the answer to that question.” voluntold9276
Another User Comments:
“NTJ in this situation, and good on you for sticking up for your cousin. However, YTJ for enabling your brother for so long, especially when your wife clearly wasn’t comfortable with it.
I don’t know how good of a financial position you were/are in, but an extra $1000 a month when your brother was clearly not putting in an effort to get a job is something I believe you and your partner should have agreed on, rather than constantly arguing about.” Express_Button_220
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, it was nice of you to help him out but it went on for too long. It never should’ve affected your marriage but you were extremely kind and good to your brother for helping him when he needed it.
It is sad that he got greedy instead of thankful.
But I also don’t think that it’s fair to associate these two things in a family relationship. In my honest opinion, I don’t see how it’s right to support somebody with the contingency that they agree with your political views.
I completely agree with you that he was being homophobic and there’s just nothing okay about that, but ultimately I think that when you help someone out with something, it doesn’t mean that they need to fully agree with you on things to keep receiving your help.
It does however mean that they should be grateful and respectful towards the help you’re giving, which clearly he was not.
I think it’s safe to say you absolutely did the right thing by no longer paying his rent.
Time for him to get it together and stop burdening you.” User
3. AITJ For Welcoming My Friend And Her Husband Who Helped Me Before?
“Several months ago I was the victim of a burglary at my home, while myself and my children were home. I won’t go into details of what happened but it was bad and afterward, I couldn’t stay in the house that night, even though the police had cleared it and the door repair people had fit me with a new door and lock, I just couldn’t bear it so I packed my kids up and went to my friend ‘Jane’s’ apartment where she lives with her husband ‘George’.
Jane is super sweet but George has always been a crusty grump and he has never really liked me or any of Jane’s friends. Jane is my best friend and she loves my kids so I knew she would answer the door and let us stay.
She put us up in her guest bedroom together and made sure we were comfortable but I could hear George grumbling in their bedroom about how having us here was a burden, how we were putting him out, basically how our presence was a burden and how he bet we didn’t even actually have a break-in, he said I probably got evicted because I didn’t pay rent.
(That happened one time, three years ago; I was pregnant, got into a bad car accident, and delivered early. My baby had to be in the NICU for a while, I had to have surgery, I ran out of savings, couldn’t get a loan, and it was either rent or feed my older kids and I chose to feed my kids.
I got my financial situation back together within a year and am doing well now.)
In the morning I made breakfast for everyone, hoping that would get George. to soften but he just kept complaining and eventually Jane and he were arguing behind a closed door and it was so awkward and my kids were uncomfortable so we just snuck out and went home and tried not to be scared of the house.
Last night Jane and George showed up at my house in the middle of the night. Apparently, there had been a small fire that had made their own apartment uninhabitable and they are going through financial hardship and can’t afford a hotel, so they came to me.
I agreed to let Jane stay but told George that the way he behaved towards me when I was in need of a safe place for myself and my kids had really bothered me and hurt my feelings.
I told him that while I understood that it was bothersome having three kids and a grown woman show up at 3 am I had had something awful happen and he could have shown some empathy.
I told him that he could find other accommodation. George threw a fit and ordered Jane to leave with him, which she did.
She text me later and said they’d spent the night in their car and that she couldn’t continue our friendship right now because of what I did.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. He may have complained, he may have made you feel bad. But you know what? He still allowed you to stay & he did not have to. This was your time to show you were the bigger person & all you did was prove that George was right all along.
You definitely burned that friendship and it was all over nothing. Go apologize, grovel, whatever & make it right. Or at least try, the ship might’ve sailed.” Suchboss1136
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
There’s just no other way about it.
You showed up at their door, and they let you AND your kids stay. I get that he didn’t want you there. I even get that he complained to ‘Jane’ about it. Once it became obvious and he started making you uncomfortable, that’s when how he handled it was trashy.
And although he had a reason for his suspicions (your excuses for why you were evicted once are just that, excuses, he has a right to suspect that you might not be being honest about the situation) he shouldn’t have voiced them in a way that you could hear.
However, they DID let you stay.
When They needed a place, you turned him away. That’s the difference. if you had sent him through the wringer and made him eat a bit of crow for it.
That would have been one thing. But refusing to give him a place to stay makes you the jerk and a very poor friend.
He didn’t harm you, or your kids, he didn’t do anything that would put you in danger.
He made you feel awkward and unwelcome in your time of need. If you wanted to retaliate, you could have done the same thing. Or you could have been the bigger person and let him realize what a jerk he was being all on his own.
I’m sure the situation wasn’t lost on him when they went asking for a place to stay.
Either way, you told him that he couldn’t, but Jane could… How would you feel if Jane told you that you could stay, but one of your kids was rude and wasn’t allowed to stay with you?
You’re a trashy friend, and Jane made the right decision.” YDidMyUsernameChange
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – married people are a package deal. You can’t expect her to stay with you and not her other half.
By saying no to him, you said no to her. And if she showed you kindness by taking you in, and you weren’t kicked out, then so did he. He may be a jerk in your eyes, or in reality, but they provided a home to you and your children when you needed one and if you could have afforded to have them both stay even for one night, then you really should have.
As hard as it is. Hope you can work it out.” Giving_My_All
2. AITJ For Calling My Wife's Friend An Idiot Because Of How She Treated Our Cat?
“My wife and I recently heard to relocate quickly due to a major family loss and have had to find fosters for our 3 cats until our house is ready to move in.
However, we did have a cat we were in the process of rehoming. A friend of my wife’s offered to take her to the humane society for us since I am having a major surgery this week and my wife was moving our entire house on her own while I was working out my last few weeks until my surgery at work.
Basically, we trusted this friend to take our cat we had been trying to rehome (she was rescued it was never intended to be permanent) and she dumped her in the middle of the woods somewhere.
Then told me she felt like she was neglecting the cat because she kept her in a carrier for two days… after she had told us she’d be taking her the morning after she picked her up from us.
I told her that she was an absolute idiot, who didn’t need to own animals or have a kid (she’s pregnant) if she could willingly dump an animal that had lived most of its life inside never having experienced the elements.
I told my wife she needs to cut her off and never speak to her again because she won’t even tell us where they left her. I was told by the friend’s brother and sister in law I was overreacting and that she was a cat with claws and she would be fine, two of my other friends also told me I went too far calling her an idiot and saying she shouldn’t even be having kids let alone owning animals.
AITJ for saying what I said and telling my wife she can’t be her friend anymore? (My wife is also very upset)”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even if she was afraid to catch toxoplasmosis while pregnant (unjustified reason because all she had to do was deliver the cat to the humane society, she wouldn’t have to clean up after her), she didn’t have to put the cat at such a risk.
Above all things, you didn’t need all this right before surgery and moving houses. Perhaps you may come across as too harsh to some people, but if someone did that to me, at a time like this, I don’t think I would have been nicer than that, quite the contrary.
And you are right: she probably shouldn’t be responsible for a child. She is too dumb to make sound decisions evidently. And cowardly; she couldn’t even tell you what she did, increasing the risk she put the cat in!
Dumb people can be as cruel as the worst psychopath. I really hope you find that poor cat safe and sound. I wish all cats around the world could be safe and protected. I cannot even stomach the thought of a cat suffering.” queenlorraine
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
And I make that verdict not because you told her she shouldn’t have children. That is negligible compared to her actions.
But because you do not press charges. She essentially sentenced the cat to death.
The great outdoors isn’t a Garden Eden; it’s difficult for wildlife born there and taught to survive with intact instincts. It’s even worse for outdoor cats that are healthy and practiced in catching prey. It’s nearly impossible for indoor cats.
That woman let the cat out, in a weakened state after keeping her enclosed in a box for two days, most likely with no properly developed fur coat for protection against the cold in the winter.
And I hope so very much that you find her alive.
You are also a tiny jerk for not getting your paperwork concerning your wildlife in order. Some of those restrictions are there for a good reason.
You are responsible for the day-to-day care and the necessary permits and registrations (also referring to the cat not possessing a microchip).
So please, get everything in order as soon as possible, report that woman everywhere so she can never lay a hand on animals again, if at all possible, and report her for animal cruelty.” Little_Endure
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I feel like this debate is not focused enough on the friendship part of it all. Especially when addressing the ‘it has claws’-crowd. Whether the cat can survive in the woods is beside the point!
This person said she would help you in a time of need and didn’t keep up her end. What she did is irreversible and clearly goes against your wishes, which she was well aware of when she took those actions.
Not at all the way a true friend would behave. Even if the animal was better off outside, that wouldn’t be her decision to make. From that point on, the clear mistreatment and endangerment of this poor cat is just a whole lot of icing on the jerky cake.
Whilst your comment on her becoming a parent can be viewed as an overreaction, this person proved herself to be a bad friend and incredibly selfish. Considering this and that she let an animal suffer in a tiny cage for so long before leaving it to fend on its own (when she cannot be sure in the slightest that it can even survive) makes your remark quite understandable.” KateyMcKateface
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
What she did is not cool and definitely illegal. She had one job and dumped a cat into the woods. I don’t think the cat is dead if it’s only been a week and I think it’s probably 50/50 if it survives long term.
It’s not a helpless creature. Nevertheless what she did was cruel and stressful to the animal.
However, you are completely out of line telling her she shouldn’t have kids. She’s pregnant. The deed is done and it’s incredibly messed up to say.
I understand getting mad, calling her selfish, uncaring, or worse as an insult. But that was a line that didn’t need to be crossed, it’s cruel and unnecessary. It sounds like you said it mainly because it was the biggest target.
That’s messed up.
I could maybe see someone lashing out like this if she dumped your beloved pet of 5 years never to be seen again but you’re reacting like this for a cat you housed for a couple of weeks?
You were sending it to an animal shelter, it’s odds of surviving beyond a few months as an adult cat in a shelter without getting euthanized is about as likely as it surviving in the wild anyways.” Dorianscale
1. AITJ For Refusing To Pay The Babysitter?
“Basically, I was going to a concert with my husband and I needed to hire a babysitter for my 7yo (who is well-behaved, generally quiet/reserved, and polite). We have been told by all her teachers and babysitters in the past that took care of her said she was the easiest job ever.
Our usual very trusted 22 yo babysitter had plans, but she recommended this other girl who was 15 and was really great with kids. From now on let’s call this girl Anna.
We offered Anna the same rates (14.50/hr which is really good around here) we gave our usual (7 years older) babysitter and she accepted. We told her we would be gone from 8 PM-10 PM.
This means she would just have to occupy our daughter until her 8:30 bedtime. When we asked her, she told us she had no plans that night.
It came the day, and my husband and I ate dinner with our daughter, introduced her to Anna, and said goodbye.
By 9:30 the concert was over, and we started to head back to our house, expecting to be back a few minutes early. However, there was an accident ahead of us on the way back and we got stuck in a traffic jam.
Once it became clear (about 9:45) we wouldn’t be back by 10:00, we immediately called Anna, who picked up.
We told her that we would be about 10 minutes late because we got stuck in a traffic jam.
She got super mad right away and started insisting that she should get another hour’s pay ($14.50 extra dollars). We said that it seemed a bit ridiculous because it was only 10 minutes. She started ranting about expecting us back by 10 and us not warning her in advance.
We apologized and asked if our daughter had woken up and bothered her at any point past her bedtime. She reluctantly said no, and we pointed out that she wasn’t even watching our kid at this point.
She still was fuming and we offered that if she really wanted, we could give her the equivalent of 10 minutes of her hourly wage (about $2.40). She denied it, insisting that we give her an additional $14.50.
We arrived home and the house was empty. No Anna. We rushed to our daughter’s room, who was thankfully asleep and okay. We immediately texted Anna and she replied ‘I left at 10:00 like you said you wanted me to,’ and then asked us to Venmo her the pay.
We refused, seeing as she abandoned our daughter. We invited her to our house the next day so we could talk to her and pay her. She denied and we didn’t pay her.
AITJ for not paying her?
I feel bad about it.
Extra notes:
She only interacted with our daughter for 30 minutes.
The security cameras show while our daughter was asleep Anna finished 1 bag of chips (no biggie), and when she left took a new family-sized one from our house with her (Yes, we did offer she could eat whatever she needed, but taking a bag home?
Really?)
She also accidentally broke one of the ornaments on our Christmas tree leaving a few glass shards and put it back on the tree. She did not tell us about it, and our daughter almost stepped on the shards the next day.
Edits: Anna said she was never sitting for us again and then blocked us. We tried to get a hold of yet her again to offer another time to pay her the full pay for 8-10 but she did not reply.
We contacted her parents via text, told them about what happened, and asked if they could speak to Anna and we could pay her but they said they removed her Venmo account. I offered to pay her but they didn’t respond.
I don’t think the parents are super concerned with their daughter.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Just because your daughter was asleep doesn’t mean you didn’t need someone to be there. That person’s time is valuable too.
I feel there’s info missing, and you refused to pay her first. Then you contacted her parents I’m pretty sure she didn’t want your funds because you guys are petty and cheap.
She probably took the chips cause she was annoyed. And OMG she ate some chips.
You would not be the first parents to be running late. And I think it’s reasonable for her to have asked to be paid more.
If it really is a traffic accident you might not know if it’s 10mins that then turns into 30 then an hour. Her time is valuable too, and her parents probably didn’t respond cause why are you bothering them with your petty concerns.
Edited to add: I don’t think you were gone for only 2 hrs, that getting to know you dance with a new babysitter, the parking, a traffic accident, a concert. Who does all that to enjoy 15mins of a concert?
And who offers to pay $14.50? Round up for God’s Sake.” learoit
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, with you being the bigger jerk in the story.
Sure, delays do happen. But from her reaction, I’m pretty sure your deal with her was explicitly stated as ‘until ten’.
You have no idea what plans she made once she had the deal, or how your unplanned delay influenced her, and you did not care to ask. (E.g., would her transportation home still be available later?
Would it cost her more to get home?)
By being late you are inconveniencing her, you are the ones changing the deal, and offering to pay just the extra ten minutes is really the bare minimum.
Her request was perhaps a bit too much, but over time should pay extra as it’s your fault you are late, not hers.
‘We pointed out that she wasn’t even watching our kid at this point’ and ‘She only interacted with our daughter for 30 minutes.’ this is absolutely irrelevant and you were mentioning it just as a way to weasel out of paying her.
You are not paying her to interact with your kid, you are paying her to be available. The payment for babysitting does not depend on how long the kid is awake.
She only took the extra bag of chips when leaving, i.e., when already upset by your refusal to pay her.
I can fully understand her rationale at that moment.
She had literally no opportunity to tell you about the broken ornament (if she even was the one who broke it).
I don’t believe you that you were indeed home at ten past ten.
We all know what ‘we’ll be ten minutes late’ looks like.
If she didn’t have a reason for leaving other than spite, she was also a jerk.” misof
Another User Comments:
“YTJ obviously.
She was under no obligation to stay for the extra time and it was YOUR fault that you couldn’t get there before she had to leave.
Traffic etc. happens and you should have planned your time wisely so that you would not be late. Now YOU needed HER to stay for longer and decent people would have offered her the extra $15 themselves but instead of doing that you decided to be stingy and argue with a 15-year-old.
Over how much? FIFTEEN DOLLARS. Not to mention your weird comment about a literal child taking a bag of chips from your house after you told her it was ok to eat whatever she needed.
You don’t know her personal situation, you don’t know if she had plans, transportation issues, etc. so for you to automatically assume that she would be able to stay longer – also find it hard to believe that it amounted to just 10 minutes – makes you the jerk instantly.
Also, you’re harping on about how she interacted with your child for only 30 minutes: you’re paying her to babysit, not interact with your child. If you made her feel like you were paying her for the time spent interacting with your child, it’s no wonder she took off when she needed to instead of staying longer and doing nothing according to your definition.
Yes, she shouldn’t have left the child unattended but she’s a 15-year-old kid for heaven’s sake, and she was dealing with difficult, unreasonable, and entitled people.
You should have paid her right then but you said no than later relented and demanded to meet her in person.
What kind of teenager would feel comfortable meeting with adults who have already been unfair to them in the past? The income made from babysitting would not be worth the discomfort of dealing with you.
And then you went and involved her parents in it without even knowing her family situation and if it would risk her safety in her home.
You’re definitely, definitely the jerk here.” aenimos
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, did she know she was being filmed? She should’ve been calm when told 10 minutes late, but she has the right to ask for overtime, not a whole hour but you as the adults in this situation should’ve automatically offered that rather than expecting a 15-year-old to bring it up or just not pay her that time.
She broke things and left them in a dangerous position for the kid and left them alone which are both unforgivable, but you have harassed a 15-year-old kid and your insistence on seeing her face to face would be threatening to me as a woman in my 20s let alone a 15 year old.
You said reluctantly which implies you pushed so I imagine the tone of that call became pretty heated and threatening too. Then you went to her parents and are going to judge them based on their reaction to the people that their daughter probably told them were very threatening and aggressive towards.
Truly everyone in this situation sucks.” Drewstosay
