People Need A Heart-To-Heart After Telling Their “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
23. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Troubled Friend Live With Me After She Was Kicked Out?
“I (18F) am in a really tough spot and could use some outside perspective.
My friend, Emily (18F), recently got kicked out of her house by her parents and asked if she could move in with me. I said no, and now I’m wondering if I did the right thing.
Here’s some background: Emily and I have been friends since middle school.
We’ve always been pretty close, and she’s helped me through some tough times. However, Emily has always been a bit of a troublemaker. She parties a lot, skips school, and doesn’t really take responsibility for her actions. Her parents have warned her multiple times, and I guess they finally had enough and kicked her out.
When Emily called me, she was in tears and said she had nowhere else to go. She begged me to let her stay with me and my family. The problem is, I still live at home with my parents and younger siblings. My parents are super strict and don’t really like Emily because of her behavior.
Plus, we don’t have a lot of extra space, and I know my parents wouldn’t be okay with it.
I told Emily that I couldn’t let her move in and explained my reasons. She got really upset and said that I was her only friend and that she had nowhere else to go.
She accused me of abandoning her when she needed me the most. I felt terrible, but I stood my ground.
Since then, Emily has been posting on social media about how I betrayed her and how she has no one to rely on. Some of our mutual friends have reached out to me, saying that I should help her out because she’s in a really bad situation.
Now I’m feeling guilty and wondering if I should have tried harder to convince my parents or found some other way to help her.
So, AITJ for refusing to let my friend live with me after she got kicked out?”
Another User Comments:
“”Some of our mutual friends have reached out to me, saying that I should help her out because she’s in a really bad situation” – why aren’t they helping her by offering shelter?
You have very good reasons for saying no, and very importantly, it is not your place to invite someone to your family’s home, run by your parents, and where more people than just you live. Emily seems toxic. For her to have been kicked out by her parents seems very extreme.
She may have exhausted all their patience so I see where they come from; on the other hand, she is now exposed and vulnerable. However, it is not your problem to solve, and neither is it your responsibility to take. To all those who appeal to you for being a helping friend to Emily, you can reciprocate with the same appeal. And in any way, you are NTJ.
Stay clear of Emily, she seems a lot of trouble.” Artistic_Thought7309
Another User Comments:
“Honey, you can’t be a jerk for refusing to let someone live in a place you don’t own and can’t authorize her moving into. And we won’t even talk about who is supposed to support her financially while she’s living rent-free in your house.
Ignore the childish online commentary. Anyone who holds it against you without listening to your side of the story is not a friend and they can always house her if they don’t like that you aren’t. There’s also a good chance that this so-called friendship won’t survive you going off to college, so don’t lose any sleep over this whole soap opera.” IBelieveYouSure62
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It wasn’t something that you had the authority to choose to do. It’s your parents’ home. Yes, yours too, but there are certain things that come with taking on certain residency responsibilities that are above your level. It’s actually good that you told her no straight away instead of making false promises.
You can look up low or no-cost housing in your area and send her the info. Send her the info to sign up for state SNAP and health insurance services. But past that, let it be. You already said that she doesn’t take responsibility for her actions.
Her blaming you is no different. Don’t take on guilt and responsibility that don’t belong to you.” Here_IGuess
22. AITJ For Not Wanting to Attend My Spoiled Stepbrother's Birthday Party?
“My (17M) parents divorced when I was 8 years old. Since then I have lived with my dad and, for the last 5 years, my stepmum who is an amazing person.
My mum moved to a town which is about a 55-60mins train journey away from my house.
I usually go there during school holidays for around a week at a time. A few years ago my mum married another man, “Frank”. Frank has a son called “Noah” (14M). Noah is, for lack of a better term, a complete and utter brat.
All he talks about is himself, what Frank has bought him, and how expensive it is.
He has a tantrum every time something doesn’t go his way, which is both amusing and absolutely ridiculous considering his age.
There are lots of other reasons why I don’t like the guy. For example, I write my own music recreationally. Since learning about this he has got Frank to buy him the exact same software as me.
Now he just brags about how good he is at using it (when he isn’t) and tells people that the stuff I’ve already written is his own to make himself look better.
I also have a brother “Matty” (10M). He was born with really bad vision and can’t see without glasses.
He gets picked on at school for it and that affects him a lot. He’s also autistic and isn’t great at communicating with people. Noah treats Matty like a dog: ridicules him for everything he does, belittles him, breaks his stuff, etc. It’s gotten to the point where Matty cries before/during the train ride to their house because he doesn’t want to go.
I regularly confront both him and my mum about his behavior towards Matty. But unfortunately for us, my mum always chooses to side with Noah instead of us. Even if she sees it herself. The sad thing is the relationship between me and my mum is getting worse because of it.
Doesn’t matter that Matty and I are her actual kids, she still always takes his side. It’s to the point now that even though I still want to see her, we just end up arguing and by the end, we hardly talk to each other.
Anyway, Noah’s 15th birthday is coming up in late June, and my mum wants me and Matty to come to his “massive birthday party”.
For a bit of context, I work every weekend and I have to let my boss know way in advance the days I’m unable to work.
So this would mean I would have to call in sick for an entire weekend, and then spend that weekend in another house an hour away, celebrating the birthday of my spoiled stepbrother who borderline mistreats my disabled younger brother.
So now I’m at a crossroads.
Neither Matty nor I want to go, and I know my mum will be furious about it if we don’t go. However, the big issue I have is that if I refuse to go, I have a feeling that the relationship between me and my mum will get even worse.
So I’m not entirely sure what I should do. My dad says we should go anyway because it seems really rude if we don’t. But I’m at the point now where my brother and I really don’t want to deal with him anymore.
So WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you shouldn’t go and if your relationship suffers because of it it’s entirely on your mom for letting that happen not on you. Does she have partial custody or does your father have full custody of both you and your brother Matty?
If your father had full custody you should stop bringing Matty to your mother’s until he’s treated properly and if she had partial custody and he is required to go you should speak to your father and a lawyer about how he’s being emotionally and psychologically mistreated there and get your father full custody.” MrChaddious
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for several reasons. You need to tell Dad about Matty’s abuse. Matty needs to tell the judge in charge of your custody what is going on, backed by what you’ve actually seen and heard yourself. Let’s forget that for a moment.
Even without that behavior, you’re not close to Noah. This isn’t his graduation, wedding, or another big life event. Since you work weekends, you have to choose your time off carefully until you’re working more conventional hours. His 15th doesn’t make the cut, and they really can’t blame you for that.” Pale_Cranberry1502
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I will give you a recommendation: Talk seriously to your father. Tell him this: “Dad, I understand that you want to avoid unnecessary drama with my mom, but Matty and I don’t want to continue going to Mom’s house, primarily, because Matty is being cruelly mistreated by our stepbrother.
If you don’t take action, I will have to do it by talking to the teachers at school”. It’s not fair that Matty, being autistic and having vision problems, has to put up with your crappy mother who doesn’t even defend you. And look, honestly, do you think it’s worth maintaining a relationship with a woman who is capable of allowing her son, her blood, to be mistreated by her stepson?
She is a failure as a mother and a human being, you would be doing yourself a favor by eliminating her negligent butt from your life.” SaxoSad
21. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For My Friend's Expensive Movie Snacks?
“I (F/17) have a friend (F/17). We have been friends for about two years. Every time we go out to the movies, restaurants, etc she always expects me to pay or other friends. I used to pay for her before and she always told me she will pay me back.
She never did.
About 1 week ago we went to the movies, she and I. I paid for the tickets and each one of us was gonna pay for our own popcorn or things we get. Well, I went first and ordered popcorn with a medium soda and a side of chicken wings.
She ordered a lot of stuff and her amount was about 60 dollars and she expected me to pay. When I refused, she canceled everything and left angry. Now she stopped talking to me because of that.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she can remember her phone, she can remember her wallet.
She’s taking advantage. Also, you can put cards on your phone and pay that way. But you’re both young so you may not have cards yet. Also based on the comments, it doesn’t even sound like she’s a friend. Just someone that asks you to pay for things.” forsayken
Another User Comments:
“In the Netherlands, we can easily send a payment request via our banking app. Most of us pay by phone (Google/Apple Pay tied to our bank account) nowadays I think. My wallet is mostly not necessary. Is there any reason why you paying means you don’t send her a payment request for half?
I’m in my forties and make good money, so do all my friends, but the assumption is always split pot (or pay what you had).” _bones__
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’re not her parent, if she can’t afford to do these things she needs to say so ahead of time rather than forcing others to cover her and then throwing a fit when they don’t want to blow a AAA game’s worth of cash on sugar.
Your friend needs to grow up and spend all her time finding the sugar daddy she’s going to need to survive.” somecallme_doc
20. AITJ For Refusing To Change My Dressing Style For My Husband?
“My children are now independent-ish (11 and 15).
I have moved to a teaching job I enjoy and now have time to dedicate to myself in the mornings.
I will make myself presentable and I like to dress in a theme or have everything matching including jewellery.
I have been married for 15 years and had children young at just 20.
I used to dress this way when seeing my husband at 16 and have always liked to look my best on weekends.
For a few years, I worked somewhere with a uniform and I’m now free to express myself.
My husband has said to me that I need to stop dressing like a 13-year-old. He has also said that he feels insecure and that he doesn’t understand why I would want to dress up just to go to work.
I reassured him that it’s just for me and that it helps me to feel more confident at work, that is all. I refused to change my ways and asked my husband if this is the hill he wants to die on.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, assuming you are dressing in a way that’s appropriate for your job. That’s the real issue, not anything else. Your husband might be the jerk here–sounds like you two need to have a little chatty chat about trust. Does he have reasons to be anxious about your fidelity?
Or is this 100% the usual “this is my piece of meat, don’t want anyone else to even look at it” territorial nonsense?” CrowRoutine9631
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Issue 1: your husband is being a jerk. You’re allowed to wear whatever makes you feel good about yourself.
He needs to realize that women don’t dress for male attention, we dress for ourselves. Issue 2: there’s nothing wrong with wearing what you love, even if it’s not trendy. You’re only too old to wear something if you physically outgrow it.
That said, it concerns me a little that you’re reverting back to your 16-year-old tastes. You missed out on a lot by marrying and having kids young, but you’re not the same girl you were. Embrace the full-grown adult you are now and figure out who she is outside of mom and wife.” SneakySneakySquirrel
Another User Comments:
“NTJ either way, but could you explain how you dress a bit more? With “everything matching”, that can either mean a smart-looking outfit where everything flows together, you have the same metal colors, and have a color scheme that looks nice. It can also mean looking ridiculous with a fully unicolor outfit.
Again though, even if you dress in a fully one-color way that’s not bad. Your husband is controlling. I’m also kinda worried this is like an “I don’t want anyone else looking at my wife” thing, which screams insecure.” Competitive_Fact6030
19. AITJ For Treating My Female Friends The Same As My Male Friends?
“If I’m friends with someone I treat them all the same.
It came up because I became interested in a girl from our friend group. When a bunch of us would go out I might pick her up and drop her off. I might pick up her tab for that night.
At that point, we were still just friends and I was fine with that.
We did eventually start seeing each other and we were together for about five months.
After we broke up we remained friends. However, I no longer did the stuff I did before we started going out.
She and a few of the other girls said I was a jerk for acting differently with them when intimacy wasn’t on the table.
I said that I was treating all of my friends, male and female, the exact same way. And that yes when I was pursuing a relationship I went out of my way for that person.
I asked them how often they picked up the tab for myself or any of the guys.
Or how many times they offered to pick one of us up and drop us off?
They said that wasn’t the point and that I’m just being nice to get something out of them.
No crap. That’s kind of what I was taught to do.
Be polite and respectful. I don’t do random hookups, one-night stands, or FWBs.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Yes. Guys do more for the women they are pursuing. Is this news? You’re not the jerk. They just want partner treatment without partner duties. If they don’t like it, that’s a them problem.
And if they leave over it, I’d say good riddance. They would be taxing to deal with regularly if this is the standard they expect. If they bring it up again, tell them “Look. My guy friends don’t get their stuff paid for either. If you’re not my partner, then you’re on the same level as them and you get the same as them.”” Xenos6439
Another User Comments:
“Yeah sometimes you go above and beyond to form a relationship above and beyond. I don’t know if it’s about intimacy. NTJ, they seem to be the jerks because they’re making it about that. People gift other people special things with the intent of eventually making a family together.
They weren’t bothered by this when you bought only ONE person things before. Why is that?” houstongradengineer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I think the reality of it is we harp so much on “treat women like people” that some people forget there are boundaries between what you do for a friend vs a partner and that those boundaries will relax if you want the former to be the latter.
People like to play dumb on the concept of the friendzone but that’s basically what they want out of you: Someone who acts like a partner that goes above and beyond with zero expectation they act like a partner in return.” NockerJoe
18. AITJ For Screaming At My Unemployed Friend Who Refuses To Move Out?
“A long-time friend of mine got fired from her job in December.
She was extremely down on her luck and losing her place to live so I offered for her to live at my house (that I own) to get back on her feet. Get a job, save up, and move out. That was the idea. At the time, I said, “until April.”
It’s two days from June.
Since she moved in, she has had only one job interview. When I leave for work in the morning, she’s sleeping. When I get home from work, she’s either sleeping or tells me it’s “time for a nap.” She doesn’t have any furniture so she sleeps in my bed or on my couch.
She doesn’t have a car or driver’s license. She drinks every day, to the point where she gets slurred speech and insults me. She doesn’t work at all or have any social life; she has only left the house once in the entire time I have lived here and it was with me.
It’s a small 3-bedroom house that is just over 1000 square feet so I feel like I have no space.
She has been giving me some money (from her unemployment money) to cover her added expenses (I charged her $200 at first but I’ve since increased it to $750 because my water bill and electric bill are outrageous, she has since demanded that I reduce that amount because she can’t afford it) but in March I asked her to find another place.
When I say, “I want you to find a new place.”
She says, “I am fine. I like it here.”
“But I’m miserable, I really don’t want you to live here long term.”
“But I have nowhere else to go. If I can’t be here I’ll be living under an overpass.
Do you want that?”
This morning, after I got up, she was in my bed again. I was annoyed. When I said “I really don’t like that you are sleeping when I leave for work every day. You should be trying to find a job.”
She said, “Awww, poor you.”
And I completely lost it. I screamed, I yelled, I insulted. I told her that she was not allowed to be in my bedroom during the day anymore. I have asked her to move out several times and she refuses.
I know I’m going to have to actually evict her (which takes 90 days AT LEAST in my state) but I am going to be stuck with this person the entire time.
I said a lot of mean, personal insults. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Start the eviction process immediately. Get a lock installed on your bedroom door. That’s such a gross invasion of your space. Tell her that her happiness is not your concern but your own comfort in your own home is. Don’t engage with her further.
Grey rock her and don’t acknowledge her unless you have to. Make her uncomfortable. Good luck.” squirrelsareevil2479
Another User Comments:
“Begin the eviction process. Put all requests for the process in writing. Keep copies offsite so she cannot destroy these. If she gets intoxicated and unreasonable, call the police.
If she passes out, call for an ambulance and the police. Keep copies of all police and medical calls offsite. Install a lock on your bedroom door so she cannot enter when you are not home. Store any valuables there. If you have a television outside of your bedroom, move it to your bedroom.
Remove any access to entertainment or electronic communication to your bedroom or limit it to yourself. Change any passwords for electronic communication so she cannot access it. She is not looking for work anyway. If she has money for food, I’d move the fridge and pantry items to a locked room, even the bedroom.
It will cut her spending on booze. You need her out as soon as possible. I don’t think worrying about being a jerk should be on your list of concerns at this point. Evict her. Reclaim your life.” WaldenWould
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Get a timer that plays loud music to a Bluetooth speaker as soon as it is legal for loud music to play, which is usually between 7 and 9 AM, but make sure you’re compliant with the ordinances where you happen to be.
Store it in your locked room and leave and go about your day. Her hungover self will go berserk. If she smashes in your door or does any property damage, file a police report. Then do the same thing, not every day but on random days, making sure there’s at least a gap of 1 day in between incidents… most of the time.
After a couple of weeks of giving her a guaranteed day between incidents, do it 2 in a row on Saturday and Sunday. Make it clear that you’re not gonna do it every day, but you could easily do it on any day. And every time she smashes your property because you’re doing something that’s legal to do, file another police report.
Basically, it’s time to get petty and de-feather the nest. She’s refusing to leave because she’s comfortable, so discomfort her. Eventually, she’ll either pick up a charge for property damage or violence and get arrested, or she’ll leave on her own, hopefully the latter. Either one should solve the problem in the short term.” Worried-Pick4848
17. AITJ For Not Wanting To Live With My Messy, Dependent Roommate Anymore?
“For many months now, I’ve been living with my roommate, whom I considered one of my best friends. Before we moved in together, I agreed I would help her with things as she needed it, like some financial help until she got a job and providing rides sometimes since she doesn’t have a car.
Now we find ourselves in conflict a lot because of different lifestyles. The whole apartment is frequently dirty as she leaves dirty dishes, unfinished food and drinks, clothes, and mtg cards everywhere. She says she can’t clean up because her depression makes it too hard and she’s too tired after working 20 hours a week.
I know she has depression so I try to understand, but whenever I ask her to do things she gets mad and insults me before saying she can’t.
Our lease expires in two months, so I told her I don’t want to live with her anymore and she told me I’m selfish because she can’t support herself.
I offered to pay to move her back in with her dad, but she said she doesn’t want this because her mom is very mean to her.
She says I should just support her because I have a job that pays decently well, but I’m so tired of the dirty apartment and frequent fights that I feel are often very mean-spirited. I don’t think I’m being selfish since I give her rides pretty regularly and have been paying for groceries since she moved in, she says she’ll pay me back when she can.
And I offered to pay completely to get her to her parents. But maybe I am selfish because I know her mom is awful if she moves back home, and she doesn’t want to go home because her parents live 6 hours from her current partner.
AITJ for not wanting to live with her and trying to move her home?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re not her parent, so you are not stuck with her. It really doesn’t matter what her excuse for not cleaning up after herself is. The result is the same: not somebody you (or most others) would wish to live with.
Set yourself free with no guilt. This is a problem of her own making, and it’s hers to solve, not anybody else’s. This friendship seems to be one way: she takes and you yield and give.” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“Hi OP, I am similar to your roommate.
I have ADHD and depression. I can barely clean up after myself and I’m non-stop exhausted, I don’t remember what it’s like to have energy. That being said you need to go and stop paying for her. Your support is actually enabling her behavior.
She needs to find a way to manage her symptoms and get on her feet. If she can’t do that she needs to find a way to get medical assistance. If this is America, she’s almost certainly qualified for Medicaid working a mere 20 hours a week (depending on her hourly).
I live with others like me and we still make an effort to keep the place as clean as possible. You deserve a space where you feel comfortable and where you don’t need to take care of another adult. This is your life, you gotta take care of yourself first. NTJ.” MeatBunBunny
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I’ve been in a similar situation and I know it feels mean to dip out. Trust me it is for the best. Think of it this way: you clearly still care about this person as a friend. Do you think you will continue to see this person as a friend if you live with them under these conditions for another year or more?
Not a chance, you are putting in everything and getting back less than nothing. The only way there is any hope for this friendship is if you introduce some intentional distance to it and make sure your friend can no longer leech off you so easily.
That will give you the room to cultivate a relationship that doesn’t so gratuitously trample your own interests. Continuing down the path you’re on will only lead to greater resentment. If your friend cares about you at all, they will figure out this was for the best eventually.
Granted, it won’t be immediate.” finsteddit
16. AITJ For Thinking It's Rude To Speak French Around English-Only Speakers In The Family?
“Half of my (33F) family speaks French. There are a number of people however who only speak English. All of the French speakers also speak English. I recently got into a debate with another family member, “James” (30M) because frequently some family members will switch to French when there are English-only speakers in the room.
I called them out for it, as I think it’s extremely rude to speak a language that some people in the room do not speak when everyone shares a common language.
James disagreed and said sometimes people might want to have a private conversation and they should be able to do that in their second language.
I said if they needed to have a private conversation, they should step into another room or wait until the non-French speaker is not in the room.
Occasionally, the French speakers will be having a conversation in English with an English-only speaker and then suddenly switch to French and give a lousy translation at the end (leaving the English speaker with a limited way to add to the conversation).
There was a long back and forth between James and me with him insisting it isn’t rude to exclude someone from the conversation if it’s in another language. It got a bit heated and ended with James saying that it’s entitled of the English speakers to think that everyone should “accommodate them” and that I was a jerk for insinuating that he lacks manners.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“INFO: are we talking about a situation where two people are having a conversation somewhere in the room while other people are having other conversations all over the room? Or are we talking about a situation where three or more people, some do not understand French, are having a group conversation?
It seems from your description that James is talking about a private conversation between two people, while you’re talking about a group conversation in which translation is required.” MemChoeret
Another User Comments:
“Honestly no jerks here. Sometimes it’s hard to stay in a language that isn’t native to you.
You have to put a lot more effort into it and you just want to convey something simple or quickly. James is not wrong, it can be used for privacy and expediency. You’re not wrong that if you’re having a conversation with an English speaker it’s rude to suddenly switch languages.
It depends on the situation. I’d say that the person switching languages is the jerk if they are using the language barrier to deceive/trick/or offend and if the English speaker specifically asked them to stop. But otherwise, it is pretty rude to demand people speak English around you.” EffectiveOne236
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When you’re in a group, you speak the language that EVERYONE speaks. If you have something that needs to be said that isn’t appropriate for someone else to hear, you leave the room and have the discussion elsewhere. In your example, they’re not having a private discussion.
They’re not talking about anything that the other person in the room shouldn’t hear. Therefore they’re doing it purely to exclude the non-French speaker. There’s literally no other purpose to it. If I were you, I’d start doing a direct translation quite loudly in English literally as the person was speaking.
Over the top of them. Make it very clear, and very uncomfortable. Another option would be to take out a notepad and start writing private notes to the English speakers in the room. Nothing important. Just chatting. But when they get frustrated or upset about being excluded just say “Oh you don’t need to know what we’re talking about, it’s not important” and keep doing it.
Every. Single. Time. These people need to know that they’re being disrespectful and arrogant and it needs to stop.” TrashPandaLJTAR
15. AITJ For Not Visiting My In-Laws During Their Family Crisis?
“My (34F) husband (34M) and I live a 6-hour drive away from my husband’s parents aka my in-laws. They used to live with my husband’s elder brother, his wife, and two kids in a typical joint family setup because the entire family (except for the kids of course) worked at the same factory which was situated just outside their home.
Just recently the elder brother decided to separate from the family and business because it became very toxic for him as my in-laws are very demanding and controlling.
We supported the brother’s decision because we knew exactly how his parents are and they are super controlling down right to the color of the curtains that will be there in the house.
The elder brother struggled with depression for a long time because of that and along with the help of his wife he finally erupted and walked out on them.
The day he moved out, there was a huge ruckus and they called us crying to come there ASAP but since my husband had just started a new job he refused plus we knew they just wanted us there so that we could convince the elder brother to come back.
My husband gets anxious being around his parents for the same reasons as his elder brother and he just didn’t feel like going.
So all this continued for a whole month, they would call us crying and venting about how lonely they are now and that they are not having their meals and all.
Somehow all that started irritating me a lot because I felt they were trying to emotionally manipulate us.
Eventually, the elder brother finally decided to move back but into a different home that will be built in the same property and that the two families will work at separate times at the factory, all this was my in-laws’ idea as well because they just didn’t want to let go of the elder brother and I guess he gave into their emotional pleas eventually.
So after all this happened we eventually told them that we are off for a vacation in June and they started giving us silent treatment after that. Because according to them we are jerks for not visiting them when they needed us.
The truth is that we were saving our holiday leaves at work because we were scheduled for a vacation in June and also because we were pretty sure they wanted us to go and convince the elder brother to come back.
We asked them to come to us because when all this happened we were moving houses and jobs and it was easier for us to host them here than travel there.
Are we really the jerks? I feel guilty and angry at them at the same time.
I don’t know what to do.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t feel guilty. They are acting like they’re the center of the universe when they’re just… not. They also sound extremely narcissistic and manipulative. Like, the thing about not eating meals… they’re adults! They have jobs.
They don’t need you to travel 6 hours to make sure they eat. I would consider going low or no contact with people like that. Consider the silent treatment a blessing.” East-Librarian-2214
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is their way of trying to control you & your husband as well.
As long as they’re capable of basic functions on their own, then they don’t need anyone there. If they were capable of calling you, then they were capable of calling support services. Don’t play into their nonsense. It’s a shame that the other brother moved back.
I don’t see the new house & factory situation working that well. The parents are weaponizing their age and health against their children. If they didn’t have those excuses, then they’d find another means of attack. It’s past time that outside services are contacted and used by the parents to ensure the well-being of the younger generations.
If your husband and his brother had decent parents, then this wouldn’t need to be done. Unfortunately, that isn’t the case. If the parents won’t accept other support, then the brothers need to step away and let the parents FAFO. The parents can’t manipulate & harm their kids if the brothers stop participating.
The parents will seek other victims/help if the brothers consistently don’t participate.” Here_IGuess
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re right, they are trying to emotionally manipulate you. Don’t let them. Having dealt with controlling people for far too long, I would say take this time, while they are ignoring you, and block them on everything.
BIL is attempting to set some boundaries with them and that’s great, but when things don’t go back to exactly how they were, your in-laws will be back crying to you about how much they need you to come fix it. Take your opportunity and run.” bmw5986
14. AITJ For Continuing To Work For My Sister's Ex-Fiance?
“My sister’s engagement recently ended because her fiance was unfaithful to her. I also happen to work for him because he hired me when nobody else would and I was unemployed for 8 months after 2 straight layoffs. I hate that he was unfaithful to her but he’s actually the best boss I’ve ever had, and it’s my favorite job I’ve ever had.
I don’t want to go into specifics of what I do, but it’s the first job that I actually have fun at. It pays better than anywhere else I’ve worked, and is super flexible, hence why I’m not working today on a Wednesday. My sister and my parents think I’m being disloyal by continuing to earn a living for him despite what he did to her.
I do feel bad, but he didn’t do anything to me so it’s conflicting I guess. After they broke up he called me into his office to basically say “I’m sure your sister told you what led to us breaking up and I’m sorry about it.
But I want you to know I value you as an employee and you’re still welcome here as long as you want”. I believe him because I actually got a promotion just a couple of months ago and I am really valuable here.
My sister and parents think at the least I should start looking for a new job, but honestly, I’m super happy here.
He and I get along great at work and just don’t talk about personal stuff, so it hasn’t really been a distraction either. AITJ for staying here regardless of what he did?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because this is a hard time to simply quit a job, but prepare yourself to be fired by looking for a new job, and in my opinion, you should eventually leave because even though he’s good to you, he’s not a good guy.
It’s possible your boss could be uncomfortable with seeing you every day or simply want to do a similar favor for a new partner’s family. He showed no loyalty to his partner. There is no reason to believe he would be loyal to you either.
When people show you exactly who they are, believe them.” loverlyone
Another User Comments:
“NTJ this is why it’s better to have work and personal separate. To be frank, if he can be unfaithful to his fiance, he can mess over his employees – especially when he was unfaithful knowing how entwined his work & personal life were.
That didn’t deter him at all. It’s best to make sure that you have references in place that do not rely on him if everything goes south there (like if he gets a new partner and she has an issue with him working with his ex’s sibling).
Have an exit strategy, save up a cushion.” similar_name4489
Another User Comments:
“I’m sorry are your parents and sister offering to pay your bills and support you if you quit? Are they going to make up for the pay disparity if you go to a lower-paying job?
Paying for medical or dental? I doubt it. It’s ridiculous that they expect you to give up your livelihood because someone (emotionally) hurt your sister (not trying to downplay the unfaithfulness, he really sucks for that). You should look for a new job though because he did do something terrible to someone you love and of course she feels bad that you’re still around him and you obviously have a soft spot for him because he helped you out so you don’t see him as bad as your family, but this is hurting your sister so you should stop it if/when you can.
NTJ.” Substantial-Sir-9947
13. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pay My Mom For Weight Gain?
“I am an adult woman (<30) living with my parents. My current job will not allow me to live on my own comfortably in my state, and I'm waiting until I advance in my field before I'm able to move away. I’ll be blunt about this: I am not at a healthy weight.
It hasn’t been good for my health, and I’ve had many health scares. In February of this year in particular, my body was in a lot of pain, and my heart wasn’t doing so well. I’ve had an unhealthy relationship with food due to some pretty serious trauma all my life.
I eat when I’m stressed or scared.
My mother made it clear that something needed to be done. She was right. Otherwise, in her words, “you won’t be able to bear children at your weight, and you won’t be healthy or comfortable in life.” These are all true.
I’ve always wanted to be a mother and I want to live life without discomfort, but I think my mom just wants grandkids.
Fast forward to May, and I’m down ~20lbs! I feel really confident, my clothes are fitting or loose, and my body is thanking me.
It hasn’t been easy, and I’ve relapsed many times over three months. I’m still not at a healthy weight, but I am proud of my progress. My mother weighs me every end of the week. She flips from being really proud of the loss, to really disappointed with the gains when they happen.
My mother has stated “let’s kick it up a notch” with my weight loss. As proud of me as she was, she knows I can do better. So, to add more of an “incentive” she said earlier last month, “For every week you relapse/gain weight–even if it’s one pound–you have to give me $100.” I didn’t want to.
Sure, the money I have is alright for what I am and what I do, but with other obligations I have (car payments, food, student loan payments resuming, contributing to the house, misc.), I was scared of losing more money. If I gained weight every week for a month, that’s $400, which is a double-digit percentage of my monthly salary.
I won’t be able to save as much as I did before.
Last week, I did okay. At the beginning of the week, my mother approached me and said, “So, am I getting my $100 this week?” I was scared. But, I lost 4lbs, putting me just above the 20lb mark.
I was so happy.
This last week was a relapse for me. I ate out of stress and gained back 2.5lbs. Mother noticed and said, “welp, that’s 100 for me!” I gave her the money in frustration, and it hurt me. I was discouraged. All that progress seemed gone for me, all because I gained a few pounds.
The following day, I stepped on the scale, and I weighed less than I did the previous week. I was so angry.
I don’t want to give her money anymore, and I feel that this is some sort of abuse, or taking advantage of me.
But, at the same time, I know I need to be healthy, and maybe my mom is onto something making me lose money so it hurts. I’m scared to approach others because of this because they are likely to side with her. WIBTJ if I don’t agree to this anymore?”
Another User Comments:
“Your mother should not be involved in your journey for better health if this is the sort of idea she puts on the table. These sorts of diet incentives have been proven not to work, especially in situations like yours where stress eating is a problem.
The best thing you could do is find activities you can do that are high-calorie burners but low impact that help with destressing. Your journey for health shouldn’t be about punishing yourself, it should be about learning better habits that will help you be healthy AND happy, if you don’t, once you reach your goal you will regress.
You should do 2 things: 1. Contact a dietitian, a reputable one, do your research, and read reviews. 2. Try out some activities that interest you, keep you active, and will reduce your stress. As far as the ongoing wager, to heck with that nonsense. “Where’s my money” “In your purse, not in mine.” NTJ.” Upstairs-Waltz-3611
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “I’ve had an unhealthy relationship with food due to some pretty serious trauma all my life. I eat when I’m stressed or scared.” I wonder what at least part of that might be due to “I feel that this is some sort of abuse, or taking advantage of me.” It is.
Your mother is both toxic & abusive. Please don’t give her any more money. “I am proud of my progress.” So you should be, even more so in light of what you’re currently facing. Please move out as soon as you’re able. No balanced person is going to side with your mother.
Whatever led her to be the person she is doesn’t justify her behavior here.” Apart-Ad-6518
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First CONGRATULATIONS on your weight loss! It is a long journey, one that is a roller coaster, full of ups and downs, not a straight line.
You won’t lose every week and that is NORMAL. Focus on your eating habits and how your clothes feel more than the number on the scale. You don’t have to pay your mom anything. She doesn’t need to know what you weigh.
What you are describing is very unhealthy. Please STOP WEIGHING IN FRONT OF YOUR MOTHER or telling her what you weigh. You are an adult, and she is not helping you.” Wild-Pie-7041
12. AITJ For Supporting My Former Dance Students At Competitions After Quitting Due To Unjust Accusations?
“I was a dance instructor for 10 years at a studio.
Approximately 5 years ago we brought in a new director and we hit it off great! We were a great team. Fast forward to last summer, I get pulled aside by this director out of nowhere and told that I won’t be getting any of my competitive classes because I’m too aggressive with the students and can’t be trusted in high-stress situations.
After asking for examples, I was given a few that were entirely explained away and I asked if the people involved or anyone had made complaints. I was told no. These were just feelings my director had. I ended up quitting the next day because I didn’t feel like I could continue working in an environment where I now felt I had to walk on eggshells.
Fast forward to the first competition. I went to support and it was not received well by the director. Many parents and students were ecstatic to see me and some had even invited me. It was relayed to me (through different people) that the director found it inappropriate I was there and in the dressing room.
(I actually helped some of my old dancers with hair and costumes) I was told she wanted me to stay in the auditorium if I had to be there at all. She also did not like that I was backstage. I never went backstage.
She has claimed that I am twisting her words and said I said I would tell people I left for personal reasons.
Whereas from the beginning I have told the same exact thing to anyone I have shared this with. At the second competition, I was there to support yet again and this time stationed myself in the auditorium. Not trying to cause any unnecessary drama or stress..
and my old dancers heard I was there. During a break they came running in to show me the awards they had won and give me hugs and tell me how excited and happy they were I could come watch them.
When someone I am close to mentioned to the director that it sounds like she needs to have a conversation with me, she refused and said she will not be doing that so in my mind there’s not an issue if you are not willing to address it.
I am continuously asked by students and parents to come to events and support/help. And continuously ignored or avoided by the studio director. The director told a former coworker of mine whom I am still really close with that she knows my true intentions.
My only intention is to continue to support people I have built such a strong foundation with.
I am torn between continuing to support the dancers I have known and loved and helped train for the past 10 years because ultimately I decided to leave but under pretty pressing circumstances.
And just leaving it all behind because it makes a slight few uncomfortable. I want to continue to support these dancers and if I wasn’t met with the immense gratitude from the majority every time I showed face somewhere I would have left it alone after the first event.”
Another User Comments:
“Why do you even give a hoot what your former boss thinks and likes? OP, you don’t work for them anymore! What are they gonna do, fire you? Your, (former), students and their parents are glad to see you at a public event.
That is what counts and you can block your former boss so they can stew, (in jealousy?), without you even hearing about it. NTJ.” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The director evidently had a different idea of how to handle high-stress situations. I’m guessing you were not an awful instructor or else your former students and parents wouldn’t be so happy to see you and wouldn’t be inviting you to attend events.
I have a feeling the director has been on the receiving end of some “We really miss OP!” and “I was so happy to see OP on Saturday!” comments and does not enjoy that. She’s probably hoping you just quietly disappear into the sunset and the students forget about you.
Keep supporting the dancers and their parents. The director not liking you is a her problem, not a you problem.” Own_Lack_4526
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ignore her. She doesn’t get a say about whether you decide to support the kids or not. You don’t have to talk to her at all, let alone answer to her.
Have you thought of branching out and opening up your own business? These families would probably leave and follow you.” Katiew84
11. AITJ For Not Leaving My Partner's Place Early To Clean For My Brother?
“My brother and I both live at home with our dad.
I was visiting my partner last weekend and my brother called me and told me that his partner’s apartment flooded and she was going to be staying with us for a few days. He told me that my dad said I had to come home right away to clean the house.
I left my partner’s a few hours later as planned. When I got home I asked my dad what he wanted me to clean. He said he never told my brother that I had to come home and clean.
A few minutes later my brother and his partner were going out.
I asked him where they were going because we were supposed to be cleaning the house and he said they were going to meet his partner’s parents but I should clean. A
ITJ for not leaving my partner’s early to clean for my brother’s partner?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother just wanted you to do the cleaning while he was out. You did the right thing in spending time with your partner rather than coming home when it wasn’t even required. If your brother wants to get his room cleaned, then he and his partner can do it together.
Bonding time for them.” insurrection6093
Another User Comments:
“Nope, not the jerk. You’re not your brother’s maid or butler. A petty thought popped into my head. If you want to mess with your brother about this get yourself a maid outfit and when he and his partner get back wear it while “cleaning the house” and if he asks what you are doing, well just say since you think I’m your maid I’ll dress the part.
Lol and then send him an invoice for your maid services.” Still_Actuator_8316
Another User Comments:
“Now you know not to trust what your brother says. Next time, politely call his bluff. Brother: “Dad says you need to come home and clean.” You: “Sure. Tell Dad he can text or call me directly and we’ll work out the details.” Then go live your life until your dad actually contacts you directly.” pupperoni42
10. AITJ For Hanging Up My Own Artwork Despite My Husband's Objections?
“My husband loves to draw but recently (over the past 2 months) has stopped drawing as much because he works a lot or would rather play video games. I never found myself to like drawing until yesterday. I started doodling and then I drew our cat and realized I’m not so bad of a drawer!
Well after I finished the whole page of drawings, I outlined and watercolored them and I grabbed some tape to put it on a wall in our room, next to my vanity. He totally freaked out on me and said I couldn’t do that because by doing that, I was taking away what he was good at and what made him special… everything I drew on the paper, I drew only because they meant something to me and I thought it would be nice to see it and be proud of myself.
I hung it anyway and now he’s not talking to me. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My partner is a very talented artist and we have several of his pieces framed around the house. He doesn’t do much these days. I recently started painting/drawing.
My partner bought a frame for one of my pieces and hung it up on our landing (our makeshift gallery). He even took down one of his own to make space for it. Your partner needs to mature and realize that just because you enjoy and have a skill in the same area, it doesn’t take away his own skill.
If it takes away his enjoyment, that is his problem.” BiscuitJc93
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s incredibly insecure. He feels “less than” because he’s not drawing anymore, but you’ve started. I think the fact that you’re good at it makes him feel insecure, as well.
You’re not “taking anything away from him” by posting your art on the wall. You have a right to be proud of yourself. Just tell him that you’re not stopping him from drawing. If he’s willing, maybe you both can sit down and talk about his feelings.
He’s clearly going through something but isn’t talking about it. Because men are taught to bottle up their emotions and just “man up” when they’re upset or stressed, it often results in angry outbursts or worse. Let him know that you’re a safe person to be vulnerable around.
Ask him why he stopped drawing. Maybe someone made fun of one of his pieces. Ask him how work is going. Try to figure out what’s stressing him out. If he doesn’t wanna talk at that moment, that’s okay. Let him know that you’re there for him whenever he wants to let it all out.” Golden_Enby
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you can’t “take away” someone’s special interest/talent/hobby. You aren’t entering contests he’s entering or gunning for his job. You’re making and displaying things you’re proud of in your own environment. No offense, but drawing isn’t a crazy rare skill either.
Many people love to draw as a hobby and he can’t “own” that. He should be excited that now you have a shared hobby!! And proud that you did such great work. My partner is a real genius at working on engines – if I picked that hobby up he’d nearly die of excitement and want to help me as much as he can.
Your SO should be proud of you for your interests, hobbies, and things you’re proud of. It shouldn’t be a competition. I’m sorry that he seems either too insecure or too controlling to accept your art.” burnerthrowaway0
9. AITJ For Reporting My Noisy Neighbor And Responding To His Accusations?
“I (30F) live in my first apartment alone in a complex.
It’s a smaller complex only about 35 units in the whole building. The walls in this building are incredibly thin which isn’t surprising.
The neighbor I share a wall with is incredibly loud and noisy. I’ll be going to bed around 10:30-11 and I will hear him loudly shouting at his TV or computer.
He’s very obviously gaming with the boys. I believe he’s around my age by the sound of his voice. I can hear everything he does from when he’s moving dishes around to feeding his dogs. I leave him be.
This specific neighbor and I had an issue about 10 months ago because he was smoking in his apartment.
The smell makes me super sick and it would waft and linger in my bedroom because of the shared wall. I’m not a very confrontational person so I ignored it for quite a while until I couldn’t stand it anymore. I left a polite note on his door asking if he could take it outside as the smell makes me sick and politely reminded him it’s against our lease terms to even light up within 20 feet of the building.
His response to the note was an “Screw you, Karen” and so I reported this to property management as my initial approach clearly meant nothing. Finally the smell and smoke went away.
Yesterday, I received a note on my door that read “you’re hooking up too loud, please play music!!” This is not coming from my apartment and I assumed the note came from my neighbor given the previous interaction.
I responded to the note “That’s not me. But I hear you all the time playing video games & I leave you alone” and left the note on his doormat as it was left on mine.
Last night at 10:30 pm I got up from bed to get a glass of water and all my lights were off.
And there is a sudden and incessant banging on my door. 3 loud bangs then a pause; then repeat, pause. Repeat, pause. At this point I’m terrified. I live in a more dangerous city. There have been issues with our mailroom being ransacked. Once at 3 am, someone cop-knocked on my door.
There’s always police sirens going right outside my window. This was just an uncomfortable experience. I’m home, alone, in the dark with someone banging on my door. And mind you, there is no peephole on my door and I’m not permitted to have a security camera outside my door as it directly faces another apt door
After the third attempt, it got quiet and I heard the neighbor’s door slam shut. I wait a few minutes and open the door to the original note aggressively taped to my door with it saying “hey Karen – you suck! This isn’t me….
But thanks!!! If you want to talk like an actual human let me know… otherwise screw OFF.”
Honestly, I’m super upset and I end up reaching out to property management again and notifying them of how this situation has escalated. My last rent is due on July 1st and I’m supposed to be out by 8/31 but now I just feel uncomfortable and wish I could leave sooner.
But AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You’re getting some stupid answers. 1) No, you don’t need to physically confront a huge aggro dude as a single woman. The late-night door banging would have had me calling the police. 2) You never see him, don’t know his schedule, so you left him a note about the smoking – you’re getting pushed around on that because people worship smoking and can’t accept that it reeks and it makes some people feel awful.
How dare you infringe on their right to stink up the place! You can request that management move either you or him – should be him due to his aggressive behavior towards you. His reaction to all of this has been over the top and I don’t have a clear reason people are being so negative to you other than misogyny.
To be absolutely clear. You are not the jerk here. You are not the one who makes a lot of noise. You are not the one who was engaging in an illegal and lease-violating activity and you are not the one who tried to break down someone’s door in the middle of the night.
That’s all him. Anyone saying you’re in the wrong is just full of nonsense.” agawl81
Another User Comments:
“I once had a neighbor leave a note on my door about loud music late at night and how they “get up early for work”, which is funny because I always left for work before they ever did.
And it wasn’t me either. And they always got into nasty yelling, smashing stuff, slamming doors, and fighting all hours of the night/early morning. The culprit was my neighbor who shared a wall with me (note neighbor lived below me), but they assumed it was me.
At least my neighbor had the decency to leave what unit they were in. I tried to talk to them in person. With our schedules, I was never able to catch them. So I eventually just ignored the note and moved on. Honestly, not answering the door late at night was the correct response.
Who knows what he was on at the time and it was all an intimidation tactic. I would recommend you stop leaving notes on people’s doors and lay low until you move out.” CheeSupreme1743
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have behaved appropriately. He has behaved badly.
Banging on someone’s door loudly at 10:30 pm is a jerk move. So is leaving profanity-laced notes. You are within your rights to report him, even call the police if he comes banging on your door late at night. Reporting him for the smoking seems to have worked, at least for a while.
Maybe it would back him off long enough for you to find and move into your new place. Good luck.” grckalck
8. AITJ For Refusing To Install A Tracking App For My Family?
“My mum wants me to install a tracking app onto my phone so she, my sister, and I can track each other basically. She claims it’s for our safety and that if something happens to one of us then we’ll be able to use it to find where we are.
But I don’t want that. I’ve (19M) told her I have a right to privacy, and that I don’t want to download the app, because I don’t see why my family should know my location 24/7.
And it’s not like I’m not honest with her, either.
I tell her exactly where I’m going, when I plan on getting back, I’ll message if I’m running late or if there’s a change in plans. I tell her if I’m getting intoxicated with people and tell her who I’m with. It’s not like I’m trying to hide something, which she’s now accusing me of because I don’t want the tracking app on my phone.
I’ve tried explaining to her that I’m also an adult too. I have a full-time job, I pay for everything I use myself and I pay her housekeeping. And whilst she accepts that, she’s completely ignoring it in the grand scheme of things.
She sees me not installing the app as me not caring about her, as I clearly don’t want to put her mind at ease and I don’t care about her safety.
I’ve told her that I’ll even compromise and install the app so if she wants to, she can willingly be tracked for her safety, but that my location would be off. That’s not good enough for her.
So, AITJ for refusing to install a tracking app onto my phone?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I could maybe understand the safety excuse if you were younger. At 19 though, I don’t think that’s the root cause. Has your mom been more anxious lately? Maybe she’s freaking out about how grown and independent you’re becoming, and she’s trying to keep you close in the only way she could come up with.
You already tell her everything (something many parents would kill for). Going by how you describe it, it seemed like a respectful way to keep her apprised. Is she worried she’ll lose you to a romantic interest? Maybe she wants to track you for that reason.
Either way, I wouldn’t want that tracker on my phone.” DragonCelica
Another User Comments:
“My son shares his location with both of his parents, as we do with him. That said, we don’t check it constantly (actually quite rarely) and most importantly, we don’t ask one another about why they might be someplace, what they’re doing, etc. It’s there but we don’t use it out of idle curiosity.
He takes long trips and is in outdoor areas often. He’s a grown man, he isn’t required to tell us everything he’s doing and we don’t get nosey. If you think your family can abide by these common courtesies, it would be fine.
If not, they can share their locations with you while you don’t share your own.” Nearly_Pointless
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m a mom of this age group. In my set of close friends – also moms of this age group – this is an open argument.
I’m of the opinion that over 18 no tracking unless I’m paying for the phone service and they’re prone to stupid things (substances, arrests, drinking and driving). I leave that option open, but more as a threat. But a lot of parents think it is alright to track adult children.
It is not. Every bit of study says that allowing teens/young adults to take responsibility for their own lives and risks is very important. As of today, 20 and 17 are completely free. We require them to let us know when they’re coming home so that we don’t worry needlessly and leave the porch light on.
15 has a tracker, but is a homebody, so we’ve never used it.” gholmom500
7. AITJ For Refusing To Host My Sister-In-Law's Family For Six Months?
“My brother and his wife are expecting their first child this summer. My sister-in-law is from a different country and her first trimester was not easy and I know that she misses her family a lot.
Her parents are planning to stay with them for a year when the baby is born (with a quick trip home in between so they don’t overstay their visa). She was thrilled that they could do this.
She recently asked if her sister and her sister’s family (husband and two children under the age of 6) could also come out with her parents and stay with me because they won’t all fit at their house.
But she wants them to stay for 6 months. I asked if maybe they could do 2-3 weeks or even a month but she wasn’t happy about that at all because she really wants her sister to be here to help too.
AITJ for thinking that this is unreasonable and feeling imposed upon?
Her family would not be able to drive and I live 30 minutes away from my brother and I work so I wouldn’t be able to drive them to see her every day and I don’t think my brother will have time to pick them up every day.
Technically I have the space. But I like my quiet time and having four people that I’ve never met stay with me for six months feels overwhelming. They don’t speak English so it would also be a little awkward in the beginning, I think.
The plan is to homeschool the older child while they’re here (the younger one isn’t school-age yet). I don’t fully understand the husband’s job but apparently, he’s able to do it remotely. That would mean he’s on calls and video meetings in the middle of the night though.
I understand that it’s hard to have a baby so far from your family and I want to be supportive of my sister-in-law. I’ve been firm in my stance that a 6-month visit is too long but she’s pretty upset with me and she and my brother haven’t been speaking to me for a couple of weeks now so I’m wondering if I’m just being cruel or selfish here.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a huge imposition on you and your family for 6 months. A week? Sure. Two weeks? Maybe. Six months? No way. Airbnbs exist for a reason. You’re not a hotel. If they can’t fit in their home, they can visit after the parents are gone (a year later) or they can stay elsewhere or stay shorter.” archetyping101
Another User Comments:
“No way, NTJ. 6 months is insanity. Honestly, how are they going to be of any help with no car and being 30 minutes away? In all seriousness, what help are they actually going to be to your SIL? Who’s feeding these people too?
The extra electricity? The wear and tear on the house with 2 kids under 6? Are they going to pay for the Internet they’re going to have access to? This is more of a drain on you than it actually is any help to your SIL. I get she wants family close and first kids are hard and scary.
But common sense needs to come into play and your SIL needs to understand that the “help” she thinks she’ll get, won’t actually happen. Rather, it’ll tax and stress you out, all while putting unnecessary strain on your relationship with your family.” Prancinggit420
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. How dangerous or hard to handle will the kid be? Six adults to watch one baby? One baby does not need Mom, Dad, Grandma, Grandma, Aunt, Uncle, niece/nephew, niece/nephew for months at a time. There’s no conceivable way that that many untrained people are necessary.
It actually would be far easier for her and her husband to move back (2 people) instead of 6 people moving to your town. This is all nice. Not required. How much sacrifice do you feel like doing that’ll result in something kinda nice for SIL that she could achieve on her own without all this fuss?” rlrlrlrlrlr
6. AITJ For Confronting Strangers Chasing Wild Turkeys In My Neighborhood?
“I was on the phone with my grandmother walking around my neighborhood and saw some wild turkeys and remarked about it and not 1 minute later I see them running toward me and a guy with his dog on a leash running around and chasing them as they scattered.
I walk up to them and am trying to be polite to my grandma on the phone so I’m waving my finger and saying don’t do that and this large woman who I have never seen before in our neighborhood tells me to mind my business.
I tell them that I live here and to chill out with the neighborhood turkeys and that I don’t want any of the turkeys to be killed, and they say some rude things minimizing what they did, and get in their car and leave.
I mostly feel bad because I was on the phone with my grandma during that confrontation but at one point she was cheering me on haha but still AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I’ve seen wild turkeys jump at joggers and dog walkers. Purposefully chasing them just feels like you’re either asking for trouble, or you’re in the mood to make the turkeys in the area extra mean.” ParaGoofTrooper
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People who harass animals are jerks.
It’s that simple. Though I would have been more concerned with their safety than the turkeys’! They can be nasty, especially when upset.” Birony88
Another User Comments:
“I yelled at a couple of boys (8 and 10 ish) who were chasing the ducks at a local park.
Their father, or guardian, heard me telling the boys to stop their harassment and I didn’t give a crap if he didn’t like it, since it seemed okay to him that the boys were acting like brats.” No-Kaleidoscope5897
5. AITJ For Kicking Out My Sister's Rude Partner From Our Family Cookout?
“My sister Nicole (34) brought her new partner, Steve, to our family cookout yesterday. It’s for about 30 people. For the sides, everyone brought in sides; my sister brought one bag of store-brand potato chips, and Steve helped himself to beer right away before being introduced to everyone.
We are having hamburgers and hot dogs and just hanging out with the family. It’s nothing fancy.
Steve asks, “Is this it?” when the first plate of hot dogs is done and waiting on the round of hamburgers. My wife says there will be hamburgers soon, and Steve tells my wife and sister about his family and how they have “BBQ chicken, steak, shrimp, and many options.” I picked up the plate of hotdogs and told Steve he could leave and go to his family BBQ instead.
He just looked at me and drank his beer, and I told him and my sister to go since this wasn’t good enough for Steve. I gave my sister the store-brand potato chips back and told her to get out.
My sister and Steve left, and the cookout was fine after that.
My mom heard about me kicking them out and was mad at me and told me to apologize to my sister. Maybe there was a misunderstanding, but Steve was just a jerk commenting like that at someone’s house and the first time you meet their family.
My wife thinks I was right because Steve acted like that in her home, and insulting the host is a good reason to be kicked out. Others were split about 50/50 when they heard about what happened.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, but not for your first comment.
I’m a big fan of “if you’re not having fun, you can leave” and all its variations. You absolutely had the right to call someone out for insulting your own party in your own home. Steve is apparently really tactless and needs to learn some lessons about social interaction.
However, I say everyone sucks here because I think you should have stopped after your first comment. It sounds like it sufficiently humbled Steve and he probably wouldn’t have made further comments. He or your sister may have even apologized, but you didn’t really give them the chance.
I think you went a little too far by immediately insisting they leave and handing the chips back. If he had continued to make rude comments then absolutely kick him out.” anbaric26
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Steve, obviously is a jerk. You could have delivered the line about him going to his family BBQ instead and made your point.
Everyone at that point would have remembered the day as Steve meeting the family and looking like a jerk. But you kicked out him AND your sister (who didn’t actually do anything) and admittedly made about half your guests upset. Personally, I’d have found it pretty strange for a host to actually kick out a relative over that comment–the only time I’ve seen people actually forced to leave a party, it was for something like getting really inebriated or saying something racist, not for one jerkish comment.” Bizzy1717
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, you went to code red too quickly. And you kicked your sister out too — that’s why I’m saying everyone sucks here. She was not rude, he was. Yes, he was rude. but for your sister’s sake, you could have been more diplomatic about it, and given him a little more rope.
You don’t need to accept rudeness in your face, but you didn’t need to escalate it immediately to get out. You could throw his rudeness back in his face with something like: “Well, you could always head to your family if you’re not happy here, or you could try to act like a grown-up with us here.
Your choice.” If he shapes up, OK, a learning moment for adult Steve. If he continued to be a jerk, then you could have escalated it and kicked him out. This way, it also allows your sis to see Steve in action. To see if he can improve when confronted with his own rudeness, or if he is 100% full-time all the time jerk.” These-Target-6313
4. AITJ For Posting A Cute Video Of My Partner's Daughter On Social Media Without His Consent?
“I (32F) am seeing Hiro (27M). We have only been together for like two months but I know him well because his oldest sister has been my best friend since high school.
He has a barely 2-year-old daughter. I think it’s important to say that Hiro is not really the relationship type, but after some pushing he agreed to go out with me and we’ve been seeing each other since. He’s very much addicted to his job and his daughter, so we really only text a little and see each other like maybe once a week, I’m sure things will pick up as we grow closer though.
Anyway, yesterday the whole family was at his sister’s house for food and swimming. He was swimming with the baby and it was really cute, his mom was taking pictures and I started to record a video. The video was super cute so I sent it to him, his parents, and his brother and sisters.
I also posted it on my TikTok and Instagram just because it was truly adorable.
This morning when I woke up it had a couple hundred likes on TikTok. He’s attractive, his baby is absolutely adorable, and it was a cute video so people liked it.
I shared the link with him and he flew off the handle, making me delete the video. I told him I didn’t understand the big deal, and he told me that he just wasn’t comfortable with videos of his baby on the internet.
We argued via text about this and now he’s just not responding.
Some of his family is defending him, my best friend is defending him but saying he’s being kind of whiny about it. Other friends have told me he overreacted and I feel that way too.
I really just thought it was a cute video. It’s just privated right now but I will delete it if it’s really a problem.”
Another User Comments:
“Ohmygawd, YTJ big time. You’ve been together for two months and thought it was okay to post a video of his daughter without checking with him first. I had to check your age again, thinking you were a lot younger.
Just because you “thought it was a really cute video” doesn’t mean it’s your place to post it. Although this story sounds fake. You sound very immature for being 32, and said he made “me delete the video”, then saying “it’s just private right now but I’ll delete it if it’s really a problem.”” glimmerseeker
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Don’t film kids. That’s just not okay. They can’t understand, so they can’t agree. It is not okay to film people without consent and post it online, again, without consent. And the second he told you to delete it, you should’ve.
You have a disgusting lack of respect for boundaries. “After some pushing he agreed” that is a lack of respect for boundaries. He said no, you pushed. That’s not okay. One “No” should be enough. You filmed a child and posted the video on social media without consent.
Lack of respect for boundaries. Not okay. When he asked you to delete it because he didn’t want his daughter online, you fought instead of respecting the father’s wishes for his daughter. Lack of respect for boundaries. Not okay. You are 32. Why do you need people on the internet to tell you why that behavior isn’t okay?” Diligent-Stand-2485
Another User Comments:
“Let’s recap shall we:
1) you “pushed” him into going out with you, also known as harassment
2) you barely spoke or saw him during your “relationship”
3) you took videos and pictures of his toddler without his permission and distributed to family also without permission
4) you posted it on multiple social media sites again without permission
5) when he asked you to take it down you argued with him about what is best for his daughter
6) you privated the video but still did not take it down (although I guess you will if people tell you to??)
7) he’s ghosting you
If you’re still not sure, yes YTJ. No, he was never your partner. Yes, you should go out with someone who actually likes you. No, you shouldn’t post pictures of their children without permission.” metsgirl289
3. AITJ For Wanting More Alone Time With My Husband Instead Of His Brother?
“My husband (26M) and I (21F) haven’t been married even one year yet. He works long hours Monday-Thursday (construction) and I work scattered 12-hour shifts (hospital).
When he is able to work short days on the days I have off, we try and go on small outings rather than just staying at home.
In the last couple of months, his brother (30M) has called almost every other day asking to go do something.
I’m usually okay with doing stuff with my husband’s family because I think it’s good to have a healthy relationship with each other’s families. Recently it just feels like we are constantly doing stuff only with his family though. I rarely go to see my family because they live 30 minutes away and are usually busy with sports (as that is what we were raised doing during the summer) or taking care of farm animals.
Just within the last month, my husband and his brother have gone out several times (me tagging along half the time) while I’ve only had my brother (13M) tagging along once. My husband and I have not gone on an actual outing with just us in over a month at least.
I was very excited to go out today since I had the day off and my husband was working a shorter day. I got all dressed up in nicer clothes but my husband’s brother called just before we left to see if he wanted to go ride dirt bikes.
My husband agreed to go but I was extremely disappointed and said no. When my husband hung up and asked why, I told him it was because I didn’t want to go hang out with his brother again. He told me I should have said something while he was on the phone but we had already talked and agreed about going out a couple hours earlier and his brother had been on speaker.
I continued to tell him we need to move further away from both our families to which he didn’t reply other than to argue “what would we even do?”
AITJ for not wanting to do anything with him and his brother anymore? We haven’t even been married one year yet and I’m starting to feel like he doesn’t care about doing anything fun with me if his brother isn’t there.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. However, it is your responsibility and would help you a lot in your future and relationship to learn better communication as a mature adult. This is your “life partner”, your husband now. Men have been given the reputation for being a little dumb for a reason.
In his mind, I guarantee you he means no harm, he can’t read your mind, he probably just didn’t realize it and didn’t think how it might make you feel. In his mind, he probably has been spending time with you. So doing something as an example like giving him the silent treatment, or not telling him what’s wrong isn’t a helpful solution.
Instead, being that this is your partner you trust, sit him down, ask to speak with him. Communicate it out. “Hey, I feel like we haven’t been having enough quality time alone together.” “I would like to delegate more time together just the two of us.” “I feel like this because of this.” A little communication will go a long way and is a very necessary tool to a lasting and happy relationship.” ConnorFree
Another User Comments:
“INFO: Just to clarify, did you and your husband have a specific date planned that you were on your way to when BIL called to invite him to dirt bike riding? If so, NTJ at all. Your husband is a fool if he thinks it’s ok to ditch established plans with his wife to hang with his brother who he speaks to nearly every day and hangs out with regularly.
I don’t blame you for being tired of BIL’s company. He might be a lovely person, but you don’t want to constantly be the third wheel while they hang out. Do BIL and your husband have other friends, or are they each other’s primary social interactions?
Have you expressed to your husband that you want more one-on-one time with him? If he gets three days off each week, surely you both can find some time once or twice a month to spend time together that doesn’t involve his brother, even with your irregular work schedule.” Pure-Philosopher-175
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s being a bit obtuse about your disappointment when your plans get changed, etc. Why is he accepting all of his brother’s ideas? Does his brother no longer have a social life of his own? In any case, his brother is being invasive.
Tell your husband clearly that you would like to get back to the way you spent time together before, that you enjoy spending time with HIM and only him. And that if you have already planned something, he should not assume that you accept to change that because his brother calls at the last minute with some other idea.
Ask him why his brother is suddenly so insistent on them seeing each other several times a week and assure him that if they make plans on occasion, that’s not a problem, but that changing YOUR plans is. And that you don’t want to feel like your life revolves around whether his brother wants to see him.” hadMcDofordinner
2. AITJ For Insisting My Friend Pay Back The Money She Owes Me?
“My friend Lisa and I made plans to go to this party. Closer to the time to meet, there were no signs of her. I called her and she let me know that she’s doing 3 heads of hair instead of 1 (she’s a hairstylist).
I asked when she’d get to my house and she said she’d leave as soon as she could.
When she arrived, she offered to pay for an Uber as it was because of her that we’d be late. I agreed to this, and come to the time to order the Uber, she let me know that she didn’t have the Uber app, and that I should order it and she’ll send me the money, so I ordered the Uber.
Tickets for the party were $30 cash only and she didn’t have cash, so she asked me to use my cash to pay for her, and that she’d send the $30 alongside the Uber money. I asked her to send me the money which had totaled to about $70, but she only sent me $30.
Fast forward a couple of weeks and I hadn’t gotten the remaining money. When I asked her about the money she told me that she had been kicked out of her home and that she was figuring things out. I told her I understood and hoped her situation would get better.
A week later I was out with friends and we decided to buy a bottle, but we were nowhere near the nearest LCBO. My friend Lisa lived near the LCBO so I asked her if she could buy us the bottle, and I’ll come to pick it up, she agreed and I sent her $15.
As my friends and I made our way over to her, she texted me saying she wasn’t able to get the bottle but never sent back the money.
Two weeks later, I texted her and asked her for the now $55, no response. I double-texted two days later and once again no response.
After two more weeks, she responded, telling me that she wanted to go out for brunch and that she hadn’t forgotten about the $55. I agreed to the plans, but we didn’t end up going. More time passed, I texted her asking once again for my money and I wasn’t getting a response, but I saw she had posted on her story two hours after I sent the message.
I texted her again, “I can’t lie I need the money by today it’s been 7 months.” She responded quickly saying it’s been 5 months, and asked me “don’t you have a job”, and that she spent $700 the day before. I let her know that she should’ve paid me back a long time ago and that I was understanding of her situation, but that it seemed like she was avoiding paying me back and I needed my money.
She got defensive and rude and said that she spent the $700 on her mom who’s in the hospital. I asked her what was with the rudeness, and she told me that she wasn’t being rude and that I’m the jerk because I don’t know what people go through, and sent me the money.
I’ve had friends tell me I was the jerk because I shouldn’t have made her pay me back when she told me her mom was in the hospital, but I’ve also had friends say that I was too lenient. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but if you insist on staying friends, stop covering her for things. You aren’t going to get that money back, that much is clear, do not cover her for anything in the future unless she fronts you the money. That means that if you are going to get an Uber, you don’t get the Uber unless she transfers you the money.
If there is a party, you don’t get her ticket. If that means she gets left outside, too bad. She clearly can’t be trusted to pay you back, so don’t allow yourself to get into a position anymore where she has the power to pay you back or not.
Oh, maybe warn your other friends not to loan her money or cover her for things either.” scarletnightingale
Another User Comments:
“NTJ tell your friends that berated you they’re welcome to send her their hard-earned money and never ask for said money back. And stop paying for anyone unless they Venmo you in advance.
Btw when you asked her to buy the bottle she owed you, you should have told her that the money for the bottle is from the debt.” Organic_Start_420
Another User Comments:
“Pretty crappy. This has happened to my friends and I when we were in our early 20s.
If you value her friendship, let the money go and move on. Now you have a reason to never lend her money again. If her friendship isn’t that important, just break it off now. You are young, and when I was young, this happened to me too.
I’m still friends with him, and we laugh about it now. When you’re 30, 55 dollars will seem like nothing.” OutrageousField7724
1. AITJ For Not Wanting Pineapple At My Birthday Party Due To My Allergy?
“I (14F) am having a pool party for my birthday in a couple of days. Today, my sister (12F), my mom (like 40-something), and I went shopping to get snacks for my party. We got chips and soda and lemonade, and we plan on ordering pizza.
After that, we got some fruit to make smoothies and for a healthier side in addition to the junk food. My sister picked up a container of pineapple and said that she wanted pineapple for my birthday fruit salad/smoothies. I told my sister no, and my mom agreed. I have an anaphylactic allergy to pineapple, so I’m unable to eat it, and so I didn’t want it as one of the fruits because I would be worried about cross-contamination.
My sister pouted, but she put it back.
However, when we got home she went to our dad and complained about how we didn’t allow her to get pineapple. He took her side, and he said that it was “selfish of me to not get a fruit most people like just because of my allergy” and continued to lecture me about that.
I put my foot down (not literally) and said that I didn’t want pineapple at my birthday because it’s too stressful for me to be worrying about cross-contamination (i.e. if the juices of the pineapple got on something else, I would react).
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Allergic or not, it’s fine for you to not want to have pineapple at your birthday party. If your sister or your father wants it at their party, that’s fine. But if they are going to force you to have it at your party, then let’s stop pretending that it’s your party.
The fact that you have an allergy to it is even more reason to not have it and makes your sister’s and father’s insistence even more selfish. That they would put your health in danger just because they want a particular fruit is childish.
My favorite fruit is cherry. But my niece doesn’t like the flavor of cherries, so I don’t even bring cherry-flavored desserts to family gatherings. Because I want to be thoughtful of those around me.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“I’m allergic to shrimp, and it’s one of my husband’s favorite foods.
But he wouldn’t insist we cook it at the same time if he wants it because it could kill me or send me to the ER. My parents love it too, but they always made sure to cook my food first. And they would never consider serving something that could hurt me or my sister at our birthday parties.
Honestly, that is rude. Your dad seems out of touch with reality if he doesn’t understand that pineapple makes you sick and could kill you. And your sister needs to learn that she doesn’t get to decide the menu for other people’s parties. Your birthday isn’t about her.
I have issues with food textures and I’m quite picky as well (although I have learned to try new things slowly over the years), but I’ve learned that if there is nothing I like at a party then I just wait and eat later. Your sister needs to learn that because not everyone is going to accommodate her.
Your mom seems more reasonable about it, perhaps get her to explain to your dad that this is your request for your party. It’s not about him or your sister.” Clean_Butterfly5619
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you have an anaphylaxis allergy to pineapples then they should never be brought into your home.
It’s so disrespectful, rude, and negligent of your father to say otherwise. Has he even educated himself on anaphylaxis? I would highly suggest he does so. Any responsible parent would eliminate all traces of it from your home and keep it that way. My son is anaphylactic to all tree nuts, berries, grapes & melons.
You can bet those things do not enter our home…no matter how much I’d give a kidney for pesto or chicken & cashews sometimes!!! I’m glad your mum gets it, it’s a pity your dad is too ignorant too.” Miss_Melody_Pond
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