People Want To Make Sure That We Get Their Point In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
18. AITJ For Not Accepting A Puppy?
“It was a week before I went into labor. I (25nb) had a few missed calls and my mom had posted for me to message her. I hopped on thinking she was going to ask about baby stuff as we just had a shower.
She tells me that she put a deposit down and was buying me a puppy.
It isn’t that I didn’t want the puppy, it was the fact that at the time I had two or three weeks before I was supposed to give birth at that time (important to note that I went into labor 9 days early), and I was expected to not only be able to care for a new baby but also to walk, house train, keep up with a puppy.
My husband ended up getting involved and telling my mother off and then blocking her contact with me. I was in absolute hysterics, sobbing on the floor because when I turned the dog down my mom doubled down on her ‘I was trying to do something nice so you’d have company while your husband is at work and I wanted to do something that I knew you had always wanted’ (paraphrasing here but you get a general idea.)
I unblocked her at the beginning of the next week but didn’t reach out for a week when I went into labor.
I have invited her to come to meet the baby, I’ve tried messaging her when I can, and I send pictures, but she doesn’t seem to hold any interest in me or her and I’m starting to wonder if our fight about the puppy had something to do with it.
I’m starting to feel guilty because I really DO want a puppy at some point, but I planned on waiting until the baby was at least 3 years old. I didn’t think I could care for not only a whole infant baby but also a puppy.
Everyone keeps telling me that her heart was in the right place and that I should just forgive but idk at this point.
So… am I the jerk for this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Pets are not surprise gifts. Let me repeat it for the folks in the back: pets are not surprise gifts!
A pet is a multi-year commitment to a living being, this is not something you give someone ‘to be nice,’ or anything like that. If someone of going to give someone else a pet, they had better have talked it over with them beforehand and made 100% sure that they not only wanted it but were up for the responsibility.
What you mother did was selfish and irresponsible.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A dog is a lifelong commitment and should be made with a lot of care and consideration. I think dogs as gifts are a bad idea in general, but ESPECIALLY when the recipient didn’t know about it/ask for it!
That doesn’t even take into account the massive life change that a baby brings. (Congrats by the way!) Whether her heart was in the right place or not doesn’t matter. It was inconsiderate and unrealistic to expect you to get a puppy weeks before a baby is due.
Hopefully, she comes around soon so she can meet the baby and be a support for you.” sneakycheeselover
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, that’s some major emotional manipulation she’s pulling. And she probably has a history of doing it with other things.
You don’t just gift someone a dog while they are pregnant or about to give birth. She really expected you to sacrifice what little sleep and sanity you had left for a puppy she wanted to give you. She wanted you to sacrifice your health and recovery so she could feel good giving you something while not taking any action to make sure you, her daughter were not lonely.
She assumed how you would feel, and decided a dog was a solution instead of providing any sort of emotional support. It was like she expected the dog to keep you entertained instead of calling her for help or advice.” casey_werealien
17. AITJ For Wanting To Eat My Sandwich In Peace?
“I’m currently living with my parents, and for the past year-plus have been helping out with my dad’s health issues since I’m in the medical field (unknown lung issues, currently on oxygen and is being set up for a transplant assessment).
Since I’m on my own schedule and often work late, I’ll usually come home and sit at the kitchen table and eat something.
My dad does a LOT of throat-clearing. It was better for a while, but as of right now, it can be around every 45 seconds.
At this point, I think some of it is the constant nasal sprays he uses all day, but it’s not my place to mention it if it helps him for now, so I don’t. But here’s the thing: I can’t sit and eat while he’s 20 feet away from me in the other room clearing his throat more than once a minute.
It grinds on my brain something awful and I just can’t. If another room is free, I’ll move in there to eat and turn the TV on. I don’t make a big deal out of it; I just quietly grab my stuff and move.
My mom threw an absolute fit tonight because I was sitting in another room for a few minutes to eat, calling me selfish and asking me what I’m going to do if/when he gets a lung transplant and who knows what sounds he’d make.
And I told her the same: I just want 5-10 minutes to eat without constant (and I mean CONSTANT) mucus-clearing. I’m not scolding him or asking him to stop, I just can’t deal with that sound while I’m eating food.
I felt like moving to another room for a few minutes was a pretty acceptable way to solve the problem, but she went on a huge rant about how I’m inconsiderate, and how this is why I’ll never be anybody’s healthcare proxy, and how everything is always about me and everybody has to bow to my demands and I act like I’m the only person in the whole world.
Like… I’m not blaming him. I’m not asking him to stop. I understand where his health is, probably better than she does. I didn’t think I was being inconsiderate at all. I really do understand how stressful this is for everybody, but I just want to eat my sandwich for a few quiet mucus-free minutes.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom is probably scared and stressed, don’t take it personally. Hopefully, she doesn’t do it often, she way overreacted. Good on you for trying to see if you did anything wrong. I would suggest, maybe trying to sit with your dad every now and then though.
Families like displays of affection and spending time together I think.” nerdcoffin
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
It was almost ntj but I understand your mom is scared about losing her long-term partner and the judgment of people outside the house.
I wouldn’t be surprised if your dad noticed it and mentioned it to your mother. You didn’t deserve to be yelled at all. The level of stress in that house must be astounding, I’m sorry you’re going through it.” veganbutterflies
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re working in this field and then you’re living in it too? Tell your mom to chill out. You’re around it all the time. You need time to not think about health-related matters, but just enjoy some alone-focused activities, like eating dinner.
If that’s an issue, you can move out and they can hire a nurse who will demand a scheduled break.” liliette
16. AITJ For "Cutting The Line"?
“Went to a concert last night. I’m a guy so, there is (usually) never a line for the bathroom.
Between Paramore and Taylor, I decided to use the bathroom real quick.
I saw a line of women and figure they were in for the women’s bathroom. So I said excuse me and pushed past them. I heard a bunch of people say ‘hey’ or ‘woah’ and kept walking.
I was on the side and the line of women continued as I headed to the wall of urinals (which no one was at).
A woman near the front of the line said, ‘Excuse me, there’s a line.’ I said, ‘Okay well I’m going to use the urinal and there’s not one for that.’
She said, ‘I don’t care. There’s a line. Wait in the line like everyone else.’ I said, ‘No I’m not going to do that, since again, there’s no one using the urinal.’ and went and started to go towards the urinal.
The woman said presumably to her friend, ‘I’ll be right back, I’m going to get security to deal with this jerk.’
Security wasn’t there by the time I had washed my hands, so I just left and no one stopped me.
They said I did something bad, but did I really? I am totally fine that women were using the mens bathroom, but, did I really have to wait in line for something that wasn’t being used?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If there are separate men’s and women’s facilities, typically the rule of thumb is that you can use the other restroom if no one of that gender is using it.
While I’m glad to see that people are less concerned about what equipment you have when visiting whichever lavatory, you’re correct.
No one was using the urinal. If they didn’t believe gender should affect who is using the restroom, then they wouldn’t have a problem using the stall(s) while you were in there anyway.
Either way, you’re in the clear.
One woman’s entitlement does not create an obligation. Honestly, I wouldn’t have engaged with her at all.
You’re definitely NTJ” AnonymousTruths1979
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s a huge double standard in society today that women can use the men’s room whenever they please if there is a long line.
If a man just wandered into the women’s room it would be a huge issue with claims of harassment or ‘peeping Toms’.
They’re the jerks for using the men’s room. Women want to be equal in society but still want all of the advantages of being a woman.
Men have the right to feel uncomfortable with unwanted women in men’s facilities. Before anyone calls me misogynistic, I’m a woman. The double standard is just bothersome.” mntbrrykrnch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not that uncommon for women to take over the men’s room when it’s not in use but ultimately it’s the MEN’s room.
Waiting in line for the unused urinal is as dumb as women queuing up for the women’s room while the men’s room goes unused. If it makes them uncomfortable for a man to use it as it was intended then they should wait in line for the women’s room.
Sincerely, someone who has been taking over (well sharing really) men’s rooms for decades.” TauntaBeanie
15. AITJ For Not Changing The Litter Box Everyday?
“My (m35) partner, Abby (f32) of 6 months has 2 cats. A week ago, she broke her leg and arm while climbing a climbing wall. I offered to help her with chores (we don’t live together) and that I’d stay with her while she can’t do much.
She didn’t want to accept saying it was too much work but insisted. Thought it would be a great trial run to potentially live together in the future (we haven’t talked about that yet). Like I said, she has 2 cats.
Her cats don’t go outside and she has carpets in her flat. She has 3 litter boxes. She instructed me that the need to be scooped daily and wiped down on the sides with pet wipes and she said carpets need daily hoovering with cats.
At first, I didn’t mind but it quickly got annoying. I tried talking to her about this, suggesting that 3 litter boxes are too many, that they can be cleaned every few days, etc. I tried to get her to see that she was being unreasonable and over the top.
But she wouldn’t budge, always finding an excuse for why she needed to do it that way.
One day I was about to scoop the litter box and there was just one poop. I told her that’s ridiculous, it’s just one thing, it can stay here until the next day.
She asked if I was at least going to Hoover and I said no, there’s only some fur on the ground and a few pieces of litter, it’ll be fine until the next day.
She got annoyed with me.
The next day she told me her mother was coming to stay with her and that I had to leave and that she’d call me later to chat.
Honestly, I was mad and we argued and she called me a selfish jerk.
She still hasn’t called me and my mates said I should’ve waited with changes until we were living together because she couldn’t dismiss my point of view then.
I don’t know, I kind of feel bad, I mean she couldn’t really do it herself.
Was I the jerk, should I call first and apologize (she still hasn’t called me). AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You are the jerk here. As a cat owner, I will explain something. Cats really hate dirty cat boxes.
If they get too dirty, cats will go elsewhere. And, she is right about scooping boxes multiple times a day.
The longer you wait, not only do the boxes get dirtier, but the scoopable litter makes larger clumps which wastes it.
This also tends to toss more dust into the air which is bad for everyone’s breathing. Your response? ‘I should have waited until we lived together then she could not dismiss my opinion.’ That’s world-class jerk material, right there.
Her cats are basically her kids. To be fair, this was an excellent trial run. She learned you really don’t want to care for her cats. Her kids. So hopefully she dumped you. And you learned a valuable lesson. You don’t want to be with a woman who has cats.” bmyst70
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You said you were gonna help her, that means doing it the way she wants it done.
Also leaving pee and poo in litter boxes is 1. really gross and 2. often cats don’t like going again when there is already something inside.
Also please don’t listen to your mates, discussions about cleanliness and tidiness should definitely be had BEFORE moving in together. That way you can both determine if you’re actually compatible. So many couples fight because one person wants the home to be cleaner than the other, the one person feels like they always have to clean and remind the other person, the other person feels like always being nagged… I personally find compatibility in terms of cleanliness one of the most important factors when it comes to living together.” annamariapix
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You volunteered to help her when she was in need, but she said no. You insisted, so she said yes. And instead of helping, you got lazy and started to fight with her, while she should be resting.
You wanted to look like prince charming but didn’t want to put in the work.
She got someone else to actually help her, and now you’re mad.
Also, your friends are massive jerks. Yeah, great idea to deceive your partners until they are trapped with you.
Oh, and by the way, I have 3 jobs. My 9-5 and I’m an actress and screenwriter. I have 3 guinea pigs. In the morning, I scoop their poop, restock their food, and sometimes fill up their bottles (30 minutes). In the evening, I scoop their poop, empty, wipe down, and re-fill their 2 hay boxes, empty, clean, and re-fill their food bowl, and wash their bottles and re-fill them (45 minutes).
So cry me a river about scooping some poop, wiping a bit, and running a vac.” fakezzzfake
14. AITJ For Telling My Daughter To Be More Careful With Money?
“I (70M) have two kids, a son (30M) and a daughter (28F). I’ve always tried very hard to teach them the value of money. I pride myself on being able to handle those things very well.
My son always listened to my comments and advice and now has his own business and I’m very proud.
My daughter has a less impressive job but her wife (32F) is also quite successful in her own field of work.
I saw a social media post where my daughter gifted her wife a ridiculously expensive car. When I saw her the next time I asked her about it.
She said she wanted to do something nice in return for her wife’s constant gifts because her wife’s ‘love language’ is with gift giving. (DIL gets my daughter ridiculously expensive gifts usually but that’s her own money.)
I said she had wasted a considerable amount of money that she couldn’t have possibly made on her own.
Her wife wouldn’t probably like the idea of a lot of her money being spent like this. I gave her a few investment ideas for next time.
She said she could not believe me and that I couldn’t possibly comment on her financial issues.
She said her wife was perfectly happy with everything. I said I just wanted to help her. She left and told me to think twice before contacting her again.
I’ve sent her messages and she hasn’t replied. I just wanted to make sure nothing bad happened to her.
Was I a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Yes, YTJ. It’s obvious from how you even describe her here that a comparison between brother and sister’s financial affairs may be common. But you aren’t her accountant. You don’t know the financial rules/things to abide by within their relationship.
While you may see DIL’s money as only hers, she may see it as theirs to provide for their future. Do you really think your daughter would splurge a bunch of money to not tell her wife about it? Honestly, bringing up something she did for her wife and talking down to her about it while then wrapping it up in a bow of ‘things you could be doing better if you weren’t you is really trashy.” its_batgirl
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You tried to prepare her for adult life as best as you could, but it’s not your job anymore. If she asks for help or advice, that’s great, but if she doesn’t, don’t force it on her.
It’s her life, her money, and her relationship. And there are some things you only learn by making mistakes. If she says her wife is happy, believe her and trust her that she knows what she’s doing. Unless she has to sleep under a bridge because she gambled away the rent money, stay out of it!” neongelbgruen
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – Unless she’s counting on you to bale her out financially her finances and her purchases, even extravagant ones, are none of your business. It’s also not your place to assume you know better than her when it comes to what her wife likes or doesn’t like.
Back off before you further, damage your relationship with her in the name of unsolicited ‘help’. You raised her. It’s time to act like you trust that you raised her well enough to know how to handle her life.” GothPenguin
13. AITJ For Upsetting My Nephew's Significant Other?
“My nephew (31M) began going out with Jessie (28F) close to a year ago.
They had met each others’ families and the relationship was progressing smoothly. I even met her myself at a recent dinner, where the situation in question took place.
My nephew and Jessie show up, and introductions are made. Everything was fine until I introduced myself by the first name.
As soon as she heard my name, Jessie asked me, ‘Wait are you (first name)(nephew’s last name)?’
I confirmed that that was my name and she then asked me if I used to teach at an elementary school the next state over, which I confirmed. It was then that I remembered Jessie as a student there.
I don’t know what disabilities she ended up having, but I do remember that other teachers wanted to have Jessie put in special Ed, which her parents were resistant to, so they pulled her out and homeschooled her to avoid any diagnosis (she revealed the last bit to us later that night).
I told her my nephew spoke highly of her professional accomplishments and that I was glad that things turned out well for her in the end. She scoffed at me and said I definitely didn’t help. I was confused and asked for clarification since I don’t really remember any specific incident with Jessie.
She told me that I clearly don’t remember writing her up for ‘nothing’. I didn’t and admitted as much. She then angrily told me that she vividly remembered that I made her take a note home to her parents to have signed for talking back to me.
She then ended it with ‘I don’t even remember what was said anymore but I can tell you that I wasn’t talking back to you. I was asking you to explain what I did wrong and why it was wrong.’
I apologized for the misunderstanding but Jessie wasn’t happy. She continued to make snide remarks about how the school couldn’t leave well enough alone about whatever issues she was having and caused irreparable damage to her life.
I tried to apologize for any upset but she didn’t want it.
I don’t know if I was wrong here or not. I know the school had all students’ best interests at heart and I don’t remember the back-talking incident but Jessie seems convinced of it. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Look, teachers may have students’ best interests at heart, but schools don’t.
There’s bleed over from that, too. Something was up with this child. She was neurodivergent in some way. Based on the fact that she’s a female, I’d be willing to bet ADHD, ASD, or dyslexia – you have NO idea the biases females face when getting dx.
She OBVIOUSLY didn’t need special ed classes and the parents pulling her to homeschool was NOT the problem. Her current success speaks to that. I had to do the same exact thing about 15 years ago in order to get my now 19-year-old the help she needed.
The fact that the parents couldn’t get the school to listen, the fact that she wasn’t getting proper support, and the fact that she wasn’t properly dx means that YOU took her actions as misbehavior and punished her for something she wasn’t actually doing.
Your school didn’t have her best interests at heart and their failure of her colored how you interacted with and treated her.
You and your school and everyone’s ‘best interests’ traumatized that child and irreparably harmed her. That’s something that someone needs to take responsibility for but never will.
She will never be validated for what she was put through as an innocent child.
You did the best you could with the info you had but it still wasn’t good enough. I would think long and hard about that.
There’s SO MUCH wrong with educational systems the world over and neither you nor I can fix it. But that doesn’t mean that you weren’t a cog in the wheel that abused her. NEVER should you blindly support the US Educational System, especially in the face of someone very real telling you how it hurt them.
No jerks here – but she’s not wrong. You hurt her. You didn’t do it on purpose but you did.” biglipsmagoo
Another User Comments:
“In life, we don’t always realize how our words and actions can appear to others.
So things we say innocently can be very hurtful to the person we are talking to. And miscommunication often is the ‘fault’ of both parties.
But let’s assume that she is completely right and you were 100% at fault: she made a perfectly innocent remark that you took it wildly out of context and scolded her for genuinely asking for help.
So you punished her by… informing her parents? That’s not an unreasonable punishment. And if her parents were decent, they would have listened to her side of the story, spoken to her about how she needs to be respectful of others, how others need to be respectful of her, and possibly followed up with you if they agreed that you had been unfair.
At the end of the day, you didn’t do it to be mean. You didn’t continue to punish her for the rest of the school year. So the only thing you did wrong was the miscommunication, which you have now apologized for.
I normally insist that – to be a true apology – one has to make restitution to the victim, but in this case, that would be simply telling her parents that you apparently made a mistake and shouldn’t have sent home a note.
Since she is no longer a child living at home with her parents, that isn’t necessary, but since she’s still upset, you could offer it… but beyond that, there’s really nothing more you can do.
If she has further grievances with you (with you specifically, not with the school overall), she should tell you.
But while she has no obligation to accept your apology, that doesn’t give her license to be rude to you now. So regardless of who was that fault for the original conflict, you are NTJ now.” DinaFelice
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, you were part of the teachers bullying her. You bullied her and don’t even care enough to admit it.
Teachers have tried to pull this ‘special ed’ stuns on me and do it to others all the time.
She was very young and impressionable and you were part of a bully group, a bully group with authority, who caused her some trauma.
It speaks a lot that the parents felt the need to pull her out of that environment.
Maybe, just maybe, you weren’t really a part of the group and your unfair note was just a cherry on top.” Last-Neighborhood-71
Another User Comments:
“People need to realize that one student has maybe 6-8 teachers in a year, while teachers have literally hundreds of students each year that they are expected to know personally. OP should not be expected to remember one incident with a child she never had contact with again.
That’s ridiculous. You are NTJ but Jessie is for holding a ridiculous grudge for so long. She may not even remember the incident accurately. I’m sorry but this whole situation sounds dumb, not because of OP but because Jessie can’t just let it go.
God help her if she holds grudges against everyone in her life who is perceived to have wronged her.” FineAppearance1648
12. AITJ For Not Exerting Effort For My Partner's Birthday?
“My partner is upset with me for not organizing anything for her birthday. I had floated the idea of going to do an activity together such as bowling, but I hadn’t booked anything.
She had been in a very bad mood for a few weeks before her birthday due to an argument with her brother, and I wasn’t sure if she would want to actually do anything.
So the day came and we just wandered around our area.
She said she thought I had booked bowling, but I hadn’t and unfortunately, it was fully booked when we arrived. We ended up sitting in a cafe and she just sat opposite me crying, which has been fairly constant recently.
She’s very difficult to cheer up and just wants to keep talking about this argument with her brother.
Anyway, she’s now bringing it up that she always organizes and books something for my birthday. She has always booked something and makes the days fun.
She is also telling me she always bakes me a cake and had organized me a surprise party with all my friends a few years ago. She’s throwing these things in my face and she’s angry that I have never given her a birthday cake.
She seems to be forgetting that I never ask for these things and I’m not very good at organizing things. She’s been in a bad mood and I didn’t know if she’s actually want to do anything. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Ah, the pat excuse for every selfish deadbeat across time: ‘Of course, I never reciprocate your many, many kindnesses. Why would I? It’s not like I asked you to treat me as though I matter to you.’
Here’s the thing, Buddy: she has always gone out of her way for you & went above & beyond on your birthday and you never even had to ask.
You absolutely dropped the ball out of what sounds like sheer laziness.
You’re trying to figure out a way to make this all her fault, but it’s just not.
You owe her a massive apology for treating her like she doesn’t matter to you.” pineboxwaiting
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
‘She seems to be forgetting that I never ask for these things and I’m not very good at organizing things.’
She baked birthday cakes for you in the past and you are telling me that you are not good at organizing things, as in, arranging to get a cake from a bakery?
You aren’t good at that?
You might not have asked for anything she has ever done for you, but getting your partner who you know has been feeling low for some time a birthday cake was so out of the blue for you?
Also, you asked if she would be okay with going bowling so you should have made reservations.
Good luck to your partner.” Even_Supermarket_629
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. So because you ‘never asked’ to be treated with love and shown affection and care, she should never be shown it unless she asks?
Cool logic, bro. You are a thoughtless, selfish partner. You don’t need to be a professional planner in order to buy someone a cake and take them to dinner or go bowling. She’s not forgetting anything about the way you behave and how little effort you put into making her feel cared for and happy.
I’d actually venture that she has a very hard time forgetting those things.” kittygattochat
11. AITJ For Not Helping Clean The Bathroom?
“I (16F) and my older sisters (21F and 24F) shared a bathroom until the fall. My brothers (14 and 18m) began sharing a bathroom with me when my oldest sister moved out and my brothers and 21f switched rooms which means my brothers now share a bathroom with me.
I have expressed protest in this because my brothers are just too messy and refuse to clean up after themselves. The bathroom became messy quite easily and I have asked them several times if they could at least try to keep the bathroom clean.
My mom would start yelling at me, calling me messy and how a grown woman shouldn’t live in filth. I kept defending myself dozens of times and I have even shown her the clean bathroom the second I was done cleaning, only for it to be destroyed in less than an hour by my brothers.
Guests are coming over today and I cleaned the bathroom the night before. When I woke up this morning, the bathroom was quickly messy again. My mom saw it and immediately starts berating me and told me to clean up.
I refused and said that my brothers need to help since the bathroom was never messy before they started using it. My mom denied it and again said that I am a grown woman and I shouldn’t be filthy.
21f heard us talking and she joined in and said I shouldn’t clean as it’s unfair. My mom then went off on both of us and said it isn’t fair for her to clean the bathroom, not acknowledging or punishing my brothers for not helping to clean the bathroom clean.
I am now grounded for the rest of the weekend and had to turn in my car keys. My mom has been rolling her eyes and side-eyeing me throughout the day.
Are we the jerks for refusing to clean?
Edit: the bathroom isn’t the only place my brothers make a mess in.
They also mess up the living rooms as well. I asked my sister if she was ok with me sharing a bathroom with her and she said it was fine. I will not use the bathroom downstairs for a while just to see if my mom will still blame me for leaving a mess.
My dad is in the picture. He is out of the house a lot for work and he has spoken to my brothers about doing their part in making the bathroom clean but it fell on deaf ears. He’s even scolded them, taking the video game system away, nothing has worked so far.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
What’s wrong with your mom?
How is she not seeing that it’s suddenly only a problem since your brothers started sharing it? Is she okay? She sounds very annoying.
Honestly, I’d just use a different bathroom.
Even if it’s a bit further, go back to sharing with 21f. Refuse to use the brother-share room at all. Don’t enter it. Don’t go in there.
Then tell your mother you aren’t a maid.
I get the feeling she was the one who cleaned the other bathroom and is just sick of doing it, so can now scapegoat you instead.
That’s lazy and she knows what’s up, she’s just being like this so somebody else can clean up after her ill-trained little chimpanzees.
Also, you’re not a grown woman, you’re 16, and one of your brothers is older than you.
She’s training awful boys to be terrible men.” Outlored
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your mom is perfectly okay with living in denial over the fact that her boys can make a mess just because they are boys. Nobody should live in filth. And if you and your brothers share a bathroom, it is equally their responsibility as it is yours.
Your mom is actively trying to bring up the point of GROWN woman and trying to force you to clean up after other people’s messes while actively trying to NOT hold your GROWN brothers accountable.
If this happens in other instances too, where she favors her sons over you, I am sorry.
Absolutely NTJ for refusing to clean up, and tbh, you shouldn’t have cleaned up after them after they made a mess earlier too. Mom is a jerk for grounding you and refusing to believe you.” Even_Supermarket_629
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
But your mother sure is. Get your older sister to come with you and demand that a cleaning schedule be set up. You and the brothers are on a 3-way rotating schedule that is printed out and posted. The bathroom has to be completely cleaned by the assigned person on their day.
(I’d go in and take pictures after they clean on ‘their days’ so if they do a crap job, you do just as crap of a job and show your mom the pics.) There are zero reasons why you should be Cinderella for these nasty man-trolls.” avocadosdontbite
10. AITJ For Staying At An "Easy" Job?
“I (28F) am living in NYC. I work primarily remotely, living with my husband (27M), who works remotely. He’s in data security while I am in broadcast media.
My job is easy. I work for a media company and when I am not remote, you would only see me online as needed. I would be in the office theater, playing various sports or hanging out. Since we work in broadcast media, everyone has a TV on their desk in the office, and we would watch shows or sports while working.
I make 128k annually, and I get travel perks, free streaming subscriptions, and great benefits. My primary responsibility is representing five clients on seven networks, scheduling their ads, and passing information to clients about these schedules as needed. Right before every quarter change, I have a busy week or two where the clients send me specifications, I book out the next quarter, and share all the data with them.
The rest of the time, I wait for email requests for various files or issues and pull and respond as needed. I don’t have any meetings or calls for my job, making my schedule flexible as long as things are done promptly.
I’ve taken on internal volunteer roles with various employee groups to fill my time during the days.
My husband works hard and makes A LOT more money than I do, and he’s in the financial sector, so it’s stressful year-round.
I’ll have maybe a week or two of my busy season four to six times a year. I work 50-60 hours per week compared to regular 10-25, and his busy weeks are 90+ hours compared to the standard 50-55 hours.
I never complain about how busy he is and try to leave him alone, but in our home office, I’ll always have my headphones on and a TV show while I work or clean the apartment/cook while I work.
He sits working on and off meetings seeing me do this, and he’s made comments, but the past week he blew up as I was booking our vacation for this year during my ‘work hours.’ We do the same vacation every year; I always offer to change, and I am always paying.
Still, he says no; he loves what we do and wants to ‘keep the tradition’ versus trying a different destination, cruise, or another offering from my company. I was excited because I was booking us what would cost most people 11k for a two-week trip for around 3k.
Also, because it’s during his birthday week, I booked a tour he has wanted to do for years. I thought he would be excited, but he was so angry he stood up from his desk. He yelled at me, saying I don’t respect myself by having an easy job that allows me to do anything but work and that I’m a simple person mentally and a blowhard jerk for not wanting to be challenged or try a real job.
He has gotten angry about a few other things I cannot control recently and left for his parents for the weekend. I’ve been with this company since I got my graduate degree, and I have taken two promotions in the same line of work while also changing clients and networks a few times, so it’s not like I don’t aspire for more.
Edit to add solution – He will be leaving his position once the quarter wraps up and they bring someone on to replace him that he will train. It may be a few weeks before he is done with his job.
However, the loss of my grandmother triggered something in him that he spent most of his young life grinding away at himself working really hard needing glasses now. Different things like that and talking about her life where she survived WWII and Vietnam as a nurse who traveled the world and was one of the first women to receive higher education in her state as well as be allowed to study science not only left a major hole in our lives but pointed out to him how many hours of his life this job absorbed for money we frankly do not need.
He doesn’t want to retire completely. He wants to work but he wants to work with a better perspective of the value of his time outside of work and he is considering this retirement and looking to find a new job that brings him joy and me joy.
Thank you to everyone for your advice. It prompted me to look at our budget and reevaluate our choices and allow us to make this decision together and I’m so happy to know that it wasn’t me. It was the crushing weight of reality causing this change in behavior and pattern and hopefully, it gets better from here.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but it is the end of the financial year when work in the financial sector just bulks up and friends in it are exhausted. Accountants are similar. I suspect he is overwhelmed and when slogging his guts out, then hard to see someone who on the face of it has an easier life.
But he chose the financial sector where recognized the tradeoff of high wages, long hours, and high pressure. Presentism important.
You do media and you get paid the money for your sector knowledge, your sector experience, and your ability to call on you at short notice to prepare if needed. And it is high-visibility work.
That is a perfectly valid career and doing it doesn’t make you a slacker in any way.
However, you say, this is only one of several issues. Are they all related to him feeling he is putting in more effort than you do?
If so, think need to sit down and hash it out but maybe leave until mid-April. Hopefully, the downtime at his parents’ will let him ease off if the financial end of the year plays a part. Easter early makes it harder.” Timely_Egg_6827
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband is jealous of your professional achievements. You say your job is easy but believe me, if anyone could do it, they wouldn’t be paying you 128k per year. They would have interns do it for a pittance.
It may seem easy to you because of your skills but if you sell yourself short, people will treat you like your husband does. You should talk to your husband openly about what’s really bothering him and maybe consider couple’s therapy.
But many men are threatened by women who are more successful than they are, and if he’s one of them then his behavior won’t improve, I’m afraid.” Helpful_Hour1984
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. From what he said when he blew up, I imagine he’s been building resentment based on how much healthier your work-life balance is, compared to his.
This is silly, of course – he shouldn’t want someone he loves to feel stressed and struggle the way he does. He chose this line of work, and what’s more, your freedom enables you to do things around the house that are no doubt of value to him, too.
Plus the vacation!
But resentment is an already serious mask for a bigger problem and he needs to communicate rationally about what the actual problem is. I’d let him know that what he said to you was Completely Unacceptable, and you deserve an apology… but then ask him whether his stress and the resentment and the long hours are worth the deterioration of your relationship.
Right now, he’s subsidizing a lot of other people’s lives. It’s lovely you can do that for the people you love, but it may have him feeling trapped in the demanding job so that he can continue to provide for your family.
Make sure he understands that isn’t the case, and that if it’s better for him to downsize his work demands, he should.” Classic_Sugar7991
9. AITJ For Charging Loan Interest Only On My One Sister?
“I (F23) have two sisters, Megan (F27) and Kelly (F30).
Since I was 15 and got my first job, I’ve been saving money to one day buy a house. I have quite a good sum saved up now that I have my degree and a decent job.
During 2020, Megan got into a very bad position financially. She was having car problems and her husband was unexpectedly laid off from his job, and they had kids to look after. I loaned Megan and her husband around two thousand euros to help them get back on their feet.
They paid it back a few months later. I didn’t expect any interest or anything, I just wanted to help them out.
I asked Megan to keep it a secret as I didn’t want other family members asking me for money and she understood.
Megan blabbed to Kelly.
Kelly approached me and asked me if I could loan her money (she’s asking for 8 thousand euros) to help her get a down payment on a bigger house with her husband as they haven’t saved enough.
She said they can’t get a loan from the bank as their application for the mortgage will be rejected.
I was reluctant about loaning Kelly this much for obvious reasons.
She didn’t like my reluctance and kept reminding me that I loaned money to Megan in the past.
I thought about it and I later told Kelly I’ll loan her the money if she signs a contract to say when she’ll pay me back plus interest.
Kelly pointed out that I didn’t charge Megan interest. I told her that was a different situation.
She and her husband already own a house, they just want to buy a bigger one and then sell the old one. They are not struggling.
She said that’s irrelevant and that I’m obviously okay with loaning family members money without interest so it shouldn’t be different now, and asked if Megan was my favorite sibling.
She accused me of being jealous of her and said that she knows she’s not entitled to my help and that she’s only asking, and that there’s no need for me to be ‘high and mighty’ about it.
I snapped at Kelly and told her she can forget about it because I’m not going to loan her anything if she was going to have such an attitude toward me over interest.
Kelly got really mad and said I’m selfish and overreacting. She’s now avoiding speaking to me. I’ve gotten some concerned messages from our family and even our parents asking what happened and saying that Kelly told them I refused to loan her money and argued with her.
I’m very frustrated and I think Kelly is being a jerk, although as sisters we’ve often not gotten along. So I guess I’m wondering if I’m having a ‘that jerk eating crackers’ moment or if I’m actually right.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They’re both your sisters, but these are not similar situations.
You are not required to loan any money to anyone. You are not ‘selfish’ for keeping your own money.
Even though the loan to Megan ‘worked out’ in the sense that she paid it back, she did break a stipulation and ‘blabbed’ about it.
It’s good advice not to lend money to family or friends.
In the US (and I know you said Euros and almost certainly aren’t in the States), it would be illegal to borrow additional money for a home purchase to get around mortgage limitations.
Kelly and her husband can wait and save.
Finally, Kelly’s attitude is a complete deal-breaker. Say no, and if any family comes to you about it, tell the truth and tell them that they’re perfectly free to lend money to Kelly if they want.” Tangerine_Bouquet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t loan to your sisters again. One can’t keep her mouth shut, the other wants a handout even if she’s not struggling.
You were really nice for helping out Megan but like you said Kelly doesn’t even NEED the money and she’s asking for way bigger.
I’m going to bet you’re going to have a hard time taking back your money too.
To make matters worse, she even got mad at you for wanting to have an interest and payback date, telling you you’re acting high and mighty.
Well, getting a loan for you is a privilege, not a right. She shouldn’t be loaned money after she disrespected you like that.
If your other relatives are saying you’re a jerk for not loaning money indefinitely without interest to Kelly, then just don’t give anyone a loan at all.” Rissyntax_v2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You told her your conditions for loaning the money, she refused – if she really planned on giving you back the money she would have accepted because she surely cannot get that additional money from a bank.
And if she would have stopped there, she wouldn’t have been the jerk. Instead, she involved the rest of the family in this to make you reconsider.
You are not her ATM, you can loan money to whomever you want, and you can change the conditions in which you loan money every single time.
To add: OP probably keeps the money in a bank, not under the mattress – so by loaning that much money OP will most likely lose interest and possibly pay a penalty fee if there’s a term on the deposit.
That’s why it seemed fair to charge sister 2 interest. 8000 euros it’s almost $10k if I am not mistaken.” Signal-Database1739
8. AITJ For Not Wanting My Son To Switch To Nursing?
“My son Max is a freshman at college and he got in for engineering. He realized that he doesn’t like that field so he wants to switch his major. He wants to go into the nursing program. The problem is that the school’s nursing program is awful, they had like 10 people graduate the degree this year and they lost the professors for that subject.
I know it is awful not to mention the school is much more focused on coding and engineering than medicine.
He told me that he wants to switch majors and I asked which school he wants to transfer to. He told me none that the college is fine and he wants to stay with his friends.
I pay about 25k a semester for that college and I told him he needs to go somewhere that has a good program for nursing. He told me the school is still accredited for nursing so it’s fine. We got into an argument about how that program is falling apart.
I ended up telling him that if he goes for that degree at the school then I will not be paying for his college tuition.
This started another argument calling me a jerk and that I just don’t like that he is a guy wanting to go for nursing (that’s not true, I don’t care about that).
it’s just about the program falling apart.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You aren’t telling him what degree or career he has to have. You aren’t forcing him to go to college or to drop out. You aren’t forcing him to a specific school of your choice.
You just want him not to waste his time and you not to waste your money. That’s a lot of money to spend on a program that is struggling with finding and keeping professors and has low graduation rates. Again, this is your money and you should have some say.
I think your reasons are valid and fair.
I switched my major from vet to occupational therapy when I was in school. Shortly after switching, the OT program director left and the program was a mess for half the time I was there.
It made school so much more difficult and I felt fooled out of all the money I was paying.” S***********e
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Put together the information you found that shows it’s not a good nursing program, with info about other (good) programs. Maybe there’s a good school nearby so he doesn’t have to be far from his new friends, but also he’ll make friends in his new program.
Explain your reasoning and feelings as best you can to him, and it’s generous of you to be willing to pay for his schooling.
Also, keep an open mind-what if he can compile a list of nursing graduates from that program and what they’re doing now, and it looks like there’s no problem getting a job out of that program?” T_G_A_H
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Explain you fully support him going into nursing, but he will not get any nursing jobs when he graduates from that college. And that will be a giant waste of his time and money as a result.
I know he wants to stay with his friends. But he has to make a hard choice. Now. Either he chooses his friends and ruins his entire nursing career, or he leaves his friends and ensures a possible nursing career for himself.
As you, I, and most adults know, being an adult means sometimes making hard decisions. This is one of them.
Sadly, as a 19-year-old man, he won’t listen to your solid reason. If he’s anything like I was at that age, he thinks he knows everything.
The Dunning-Kreuger effect looms large at that age (it does at any age but the less we know about life, the more so).
As much as I loathe ultimatums 99% of the time, this is a 1% case. ‘Either you change to a school whose nursing program isn’t falling apart, or pay for it yourself’.” bmyst70
7. AITJ For Getting Upset At A Lady Who Takes Selfies In The Locker Room?
“I got out of the shower and went back to my locker to change. I’m in a towel. There’s a woman taking pictures of herself near my locker and a couple of mirrors. I ask her to stop a few times, but she can’t hear me until I raised my voice (headphones).
At this point, I’m upset, and I’m certain she felt attacked, but instead of stopping and saying sorry she shoves her phone in my face, says they aren’t of me and continues to take pictures. Now I’m even more uncomfortable and almost crying… I’m in a locker room, in a towel, trying to change, and she’s taking pictures.
The manager happens to walk in, so I tell her what’s going on, and the lady and I get into it again. I was not cool and calm… I will admit that, but neither was she.
The gym managers were awesome and are filing an incident report to have her membership revoked, but I found her online and she’s calling me a Karen.
Am I?
Update: I know I could have handled it differently, but it’s hard to stay calm and rational when you are in a towel and someone is holding a camera. The only reason I found her on Insta was to make sure she didn’t post any photos of me.
I now have someone else watching her account, just in case, as it clearly wasn’t healthy for me to watch her myself. I haven’t received confirmation from the gym that her membership is revoked yet, so until I do, I won’t be going back.
But the managers at XSport have been awesome so far, so I’m hopeful I’ll hear something soon. I just don’t trust the chick to not take photos of me in a public space and blast them.”
Another User Comments:
“Ugh.
If she’s taking selfies because she’s trying to be an influencer or whatever, I get it, but you don’t do that when other people are around.
She can’t be oblivious in those sorts of situations, which she obviously was, and then compound it by refusing to be respectful of others.
Even if she was taking pictures of the locker room for a review, she should do that when no one else is in the locker room. Or you know, ASK for their permission.
Basically, there are no circumstances under which she was in the right.
You’re definitely NTJ for your very legitimate concerns and reaction.” SquishMama72
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Most gyms have policies against photography in the locker room/bathroom areas. It sounds like yours does too. All she had to do was go out to the common area to take her pictures.
You are not a Karen. Any normal person will not think so either. My first reaction was: Wait a minute, someone was taking pictures in the locker room (where people are changing, in a state of undress, etc.)? That’s horrible/nuts/insane/(word of choice here)!
Just for your information, Planet Fitness states on mobile use: Planet Fitness strictly prohibits the use of mobile devices to take photographs or videos or to make voice or video calls in the locker rooms but also in our black card spa area including individual rooms such as tanning roomsPet Fitness® res the right to revoke any and all mobile device use privileges under this policy and, if deemed warranted, to terminate a person’s membership immediately for any violation of this policy or other club rule.” Readingandwondering
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ.
For all, we know you were actually quite rude with how you approached the woman in the locker room but it’s generally considered disrespectful to film other people, even by accident, and especially in private spaces like locker rooms and bathrooms. It doesn’t really matter if you’re fully exposed or clothed, those are spaces that most consider ‘safe’ and ‘private’ because there’s always a chance that someone could be physically exposed.
Again, maybe you handled it poorly, but I’d argue that’s just a good learning experience for you but I wouldn’t say you’re in the wrong to demand someone stop filming in a change room.” SmakeTalk
6. AITJ For Eating A Lot?
“My partner had the day off yesterday and she decided to make breakfast for us. I am a very picky eater.
I don’t eat fruit (save for apples and pears) and I really hate eggs.
My partner decided to make herself an omelet with hashbrowns and bacon. In total, my partner made 8 hashbrowns and 10 pieces of bacon. She had 2 hashbrowns, 2 bacon, and the omelet.
She told me to get out of my plate and to get my food. I took 6 pieces of bacon and 3 hashbrowns.
My partner then got upset with me. She told me that she made enough for us to have breakfast for today (Friday) and the next day.
I told her that I was hungry and that she never specified what amount I could take and that if she had envisioned us to have saved the food till the next day, why didn’t she talk to me about it before I picked up the hashbrowns and bacon?
She then brought up that we did discuss it days ago (which she was right). I then asked her how many hashbrowns and bacon she expected me to eat. She said I should have had 2 of each. I told her that it was nonsense because she also had an omelet and 2 of each wouldn’t have sustained me.
She then told me that I should’ve figured out my own situation by finding other food to go with it. I disagreed with her and she gave me the silent treatment for the rest of the morning/afternoon.
She’s been telling all her friends how much of a jerk I am but am I really in the wrong here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she told you to help yourself from what was there. Instead, she could have put to one side what she wanted to save, or she could have put the serving on a plate for you, or she could have said it is 2 of each.
She did not do any of those things. She has a real communication issue. She is setting you up for failure because you cannot comply with unspoken rules. You acted on the ‘help yourself,’ which you did. Being with someone should feel like sailing a yacht on beautiful serene water on a sunny day.
It should feel like a honeymoon. Does your relationship actually feel anything like plain sailing?” User
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. What a dumb argument.
Who makes breakfast for someone and then expects them to ‘figure out their own situation’ because they didn’t make enough breakfast?
Who has a discussion day in advance about making enough breakfast for leftovers and expects the other person to remember it without being reminded?
That said, before clearing off most of the food on a tray, you should probably ask if the other person minds.
It’s just bacon and hashbrowns, not expensive steaks. Who cares? Just cook some more tomorrow. Reheated bacon isn’t great anyway.
And her giving you the silent treatment is poor communication and making me think that there’s really something else going on here.” schrodingers_bra
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, how about communication? You might be picky, but I would hazard that the household is on some kind of budget.
I say this because a high price item, bacon, is being used in moderation.
So we have two conflicting personality traits.
The moderation vs in excess. Cause taking the bulk of an item like bacon can be viewed that way and sounds like what your partner views.
So you took a good amount of the stuff you like. Did not add anything else.
Reminds me of the people that take like all the toppings when they serve themselves salad… but I like them and lettuce is sooooo boring…
Sharing dishes and food is always an exercise in working with someone.
I think she worked with you.
She cooked food you will eat, and made some for you. She at the same time saved herself time by cooking extra for a later date.
Where is the part where you are working with her?” Clear-General-6014
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. First of all, next time what she needs to do if she wants to have leftovers is when she’s done cooking put the leftovers aside that she’s trying to save that way when you walk up and you see the amount of bacon there you know what you can take.
But this relationship is never going to last if this is how you guys are about pieces of bacon and chunks of potato.” IntelligentMeal40
5. AITJ For Not Being Able To Take My Nephew To The Park?
“My husband, brother-in-law, and sister-in-law all work, but I’m still on maternity leave. I take care of the house and my nephew (10) Johnny.
Yesterday Johnny asked me to take him to the park today, and I said I would. Last night the baby cried all night, and I got no sleep. After I finished cleaning up breakfast I said I needed a nap.
Johnny asked about the park, and I said I would take him tomorrow.
Johnny was really upset and said I lied to him. I said that I didn’t lie, but that I needed to reschedule, and that happens sometimes. He said I wouldn’t reschedule on the baby, and I said I would if I had to.
He said he hated me and the baby and locked himself in his room.
I feel really bad. I wish I had just taken him, but I’m also so very tired.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, except maybe the other adults in this situation.
Johnny is very clearly struggling with feeling a lack of care, which sounds like he was depending on you emotionally. That’s not innately a bad thing but it does mean his parents should be providing him more emotional support to help him transition to no longer being your ‘most important kid’.” DazzlingAssistant342
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s life. And unfortunately, it happens. It’s a great chance for both you and your in-laws to have conversations with him about how we can be flexible and in dealing with disappointment.
Also. This is probably him just acting out on not having the full attention of the adults anymore.
He’s jealous and doesn’t know how to place that. As the adults in his life, it will be important in the upcoming days to show how he is important to y’all and spend some quality time with him as you can.
I know he’s not your child. But you still play a big role.” yikesmom4
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, but in the future try to be mindful of your language and prepare him for the possibility of plans changing.
With people that have difficulty with the disruption of expectations (children, some neurodivergent people such as myself) being very clear about these things is really helpful.
Originally saying ‘I would really like to go to the park with you tomorrow, let’s see how we are feeling/how the weather is, etc etc’ could make things better.
Making statements should only be done when you can guarantee the action, for example, ‘I will definitely let you know by TIME’.” leb2353
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your nephew seems spoiled and demanding. Don’t feed into it. If his parents haven’t explained and examples of empathy to him at this point they need to start.
It would have been nice to go to the park to get you and the baby out of the house but what good would you have been exhausted like that? Too many things require your sharp attention when dealing with kids in a public setting and a lack of sleep would have inhibited your awareness, reflexes, etc.” DecemberSeaGoat
4. AITJ For Telling My Mom's Partner She Isn't Her True Love?
“I (22f) am very close with my mother. My mother came out as bi and has been with this girl Silvia for about 2 years.
My father was the love of my mother’s life, but he passed away about 10 years ago. They were together since high school and friends since the 4th grade. It was like a fairy tale. This incident has nothing to do with me not wanting my mother to move on because I want my mother happy.
She deserves it.
Basically, Silvia has always said this thing about her being my mom’s one true love, and how fate put them together. I always ignored this and let her say what she wanted to say, but I have a younger sister age 13, to who Silvia tells this.
My sister came to me and said that Silvia told her this and when my sister brought up my dad Silvia said my parents weren’t really soulmates but just two people that fell in love and were chapters in each other’s books, and that Silvia was my mother’s true love.
I confronted Silvia on this because she shouldn’t say things like that to my sister. I basically just said to Silvia to stop saying she was my mom’s one true love because that wasn’t true, my dad was.
This caused a huge argument between Silvia and me and she accused me of just not wanting my mother to move on and be happy. I told her that wasn’t the case, and that she shouldn’t be telling my sister that my father wasn’t our mother’s soul mate.
She then said I was living in a fantasy and that my father has passed for a decade now, and that I was being a selfish jerk and needed to let my mother move on, completely ignoring my point. She’s now asked me not to come by the house when she is home.
My mother is currently in the hospital and I haven’t told her any of this because I don’t want to stress her out. I can’t even come to the house and see my sister. I really don’t think I’m the jerk, I just stated my mind.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
First of all, if it’s your mother’s house and she isn’t married to Sylvia, she can’t really stop you from coming over just because she is there.
Secondly, what she is saying to your sister is highly inappropriate and honestly not even necessary.
Although, this is a conversation your mother needs to have with her, not you. Of course, your mother deserves to move on and find someone to love but that doesn’t mean her love for her deceased husband is no more.
Also, you can’t speak for your mother in her love life because only she is the judge for that, but good for you for trying to stick with your sister. But you need to tell your mother this.” Even_Supermarket_629
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
People can have more than one ‘true love’ and more than one ‘love of their lives’.
Silvia is wrong to say she was the only true love to your sister and you’re wrong for saying your dad was.
Only your mother knows who her true loves were/is and she’s the only one who gets to make that decision. It could very well be Silvia for her. You can’t decide it was your dad and tell her partner that.
Silvia was rude to you, but you did disparage her and your mother’s relationship by saying she wasn’t true love. All of this is wrong.” Sea_Rise_1907
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If anything, it sounds like Silvia is jealous of the relationship your parents had and feels threatened by it.
from the sound of it, in my opinion, I’d say it seems like she’s feeling jealous of memory, and in feeling that way, she’s stooping so low that she is competing with a dead person. If she was only making these comments to you alone, maybe you might have been able to deal with it I’m guessing, but telling your sister, your little sister, that her late father was only a chapter in her mother’s life, that was crossing a line.
I may be biased because I always feel bad whenever anyone says anything that hurts my own little sister, but I really don’t think you’ve done anything wrong. your mother’s new partner needs to accept that your dad was, is, and always will be an important part of all your lives, even if just as a treasured memory.” rosiecat220803
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Mom’s partner doesn’t need to actively discount the relationship that your mom had with your dad, or compare her relationship to their relationship at all. She certainly doesn’t need to speak on the topic to the kids, and it’s tough to say whether she was trying to establish her importance or just being lovey-dovey about your mom.
She could have been more understanding about why this whole thing bothered you and your sister. Reacting by telling you that you’re living in a fantasy, calling you a name, and asking you not to come by wasn’t necessary.
That being said, it’s not your place to tell your mother’s partner that she isn’t your mother’s soulmate.
I’m sure you can understand how, just as you’re offended by her discounting your mother’s relationship with your father, she would be offended by you discounting your mother’s relationship with her. It sounds like she has some insecurities with regard to your Dad that she needs to work through but honestly, it’s not your place to comment.
Unfortunately that your mom is sick because this should really be handled by her.” apothekryptic
3. AITJ For Telling My Friend She's Narrow-Minded?
“I (26m) am a 2nd-year medical student. I was having a meal with a bunch of friends and a discussion came up about different specialties.
My friend (26f) made the comment that it’s weird for men to decide to become gynecologists. She said that for them to decide to do that shows that they have some sort of inborn obsession with the female gender and it is weird and creepy.
She also said that they are likely to mistreat their patients and should be treated with caution.
I happen to have met a few gynecologists during my studies and have met some of the nicest and most sensitive doctors. I have been thinking about going into this specialty.
I also feel like it is unfair to label people like this.
This obviously triggered me and caused me to react quite negatively. The discussion got heated and she told me I’m disconnected while I told her that she is both narrow-minded and offensive and that the reason that a man becomes a gynecologist is not that he wants to look at women all day.
It took a really unpleasant turn and left a sour taste in my mouth. Ever since then, I’ve thought a little differently about her. I asked a few friends what they think and while they do agree with me that she’s in the wrong they say I should have just let it go and moved on.
I will say for those who are wondering, I’m quite sure that she never experienced such a thing herself and was sure to be quite clear that when cases like that do happen they must be dealt with and all women should be protected. I also think that all women should have access to a doctor that makes them feel the most comfortable, but I feel it is unfair to label people that dedicate their whole lives to helping people, specifically women, and creeps.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but just a tip if you do choose this specialty: listen to women. While many women may have no trouble with things like exams/IUD insertion/etc, a lot of women have pain on a range from minor to excruciating.
I know that a lot of doctors are taught that the a woman’s reproductive organ has little to no feeling past the first bit, but not all bodies are the same. It is very important for women to be able to trust you, but it may be slightly more important for them to know that you trust their knowledge of their own bodies.” Queen_Sized_Beauty
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. So many women choose female obgyns for countless reasons, largely trauma. it sounds a lot like this woman was making her comments due to trauma in her past. While the way she spoke wasn’t the best way to get her point across – which was, she is non/trusting of men in this position, and I’m sure she has her reasons, as MANY women feel this way – you did not help.
You didn’t attempt to UNDERSTAND the position of the women you want to go into this field to help. You fired back and have been just feeling like she is less than in your eyes.
I think you both could have handled it better and if this is truly what you want to do with your life, you need to be better prepared for this mindset and how to combat it with your own open-mindedness, comfort, and kindness, because there are VERY good reasons for women not to trust men with their most intimate areas, and unfortunately sometimes it comes out this way.
She didn’t express herself well, but the sentiment comes from a very real place.
I suggest you learn more about it if you truly wish to pursue the future of an ob-gyn. and perhaps open a dialogue with her about WHY she feels the way she does so that you can be sure to do well by your patients.” puresinxx
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all – she was rude about this and it’s great you want to go into this field, but I think you should be a lot more mindful moving forward about the fact that many women would not feel safe with a male GYN and her seemingly judgmental opinion could be stemming from her own fear.
Statistically, women are far more likely to be mistreated by male doctors than female doctors, experience trauma by their male doctor, specifically by Gyn, etc. They are also less likely to have their pain taken seriously. Just because you have met lovely male GYNs doesn’t mean that she or other women have.
Don’t assume that any woman including your friend ‘probably hasn’t experienced this’ just because she hasn’t told you about it.
I can share countless stories of such from myself and my peers. Assuming you already know the studies to back this all up, I think you can move forward from this conversation with greater empathy, not attaching to defensiveness, and a greater sense of responsibility to do good.
This is not the last time you will experience this stance. If you can move away from viewing this conversation as an attack on your character, I think you could really grow to be a great physician who is wonderful at empathizing with the concerns of your patients.
Best of luck to you.” Jumpy_Pomegranate444
Another User Comments:
“Soft ‘everyone sucks here’.
Obviously, she shouldn’t have made such a blanket statement, and you were right to call her out for it.
However, the extent of your reaction also wasn’t great either.
You allowed your (justifiable) anger to blind you to a reality that far too many female patients face. There are plenty of male doctors and male OBGYNs who take advantage of their patients, and that needs to be acknowledged so that it can be corrected. You’re also wrong about two things:
‘I’m quite sure that she never experienced such a thing herself’
No, you’re not. You’re assuming.
‘I happen to have met a few gynecologists during my studies and have met some of the nicest and most sensitive doctors.’
Maybe they were, but if they really were predators do you really think that you would know?
Creeps generally know not to be creeping around other men (who are not creeps).
So basically she was definitely more wrong than you were, but you should take this as a learning moment, especially if you plan to become an OB: even without straight-up mistreatment, a far too common experience for women is generally just not being taken seriously by their doctors.” carinavet
And to those who say OP "should have tried to understand her", I say, why? Why should he take the time to "try to understand" someone who just purposely insulted him, and then whined about being called out for it? Sorry, but she dished it out, but couldn't take it. Not OP'S problem.
2. AITJ For Wanting My Sister To Come Alone?
“I (32f) live with my fiance (39m) and we are expecting our first child in two months.
My sister Hannah (34f) lives with her partner Alejandro (35m) and they have a son Ben (2.5 yo).
They are particular people who live in a tiny house on wheels, in a big house shared with a community of families with young kids. They are all about natural and esoteric lifestyles. They get their food from supermarket leftovers and heal themselves with essential oils, plants, and stuff like that.
My sister only works two days a week. They are the kind of people to reach out only when they need something and when it is convenient for them. They also pretty much look like bums but they do travel in their van every weekend.
Hannah’s life only revolves around her son and would never do anything to upset him. She barely calls me, and when she does we barely talk because her attention is totally focused on her son messing around. I’m done trying to call or message her because she would only respond when it is okay with her son.
Anyway, Hannah and her family came to visit us one day but didn’t spend the night over even though we invited them to. They refused because they stopped to visit us only because we were on their route and they were planning on waking up by the beach the next day.
So, we went to a restaurant and my nephew was being horribly dirty. He threw food everywhere and drew on tables and menus. I confronted my sis and bil but they laughed and said that they didn’t want their son to cry.
I’m not a parent yet so I was shocked.
Hannah came back another time with Ben and our mom for 3 days. Needless to say, he was dirty, walked over our brand new couch with his shoes on, spat everywhere in our apartment like a slug – we could literally follow his saliva on our furniture and floors – and threw terrible tantrums, and our schedules were all depending on his.
My hub and I are done having them over if he can’t behave so I asked my father and MIL if they would babysit Ben for the weekend when Hannah will come back soon. They were super happy about it and said yes.
I suggested it to Hannah and at first, she thought it was a good idea so we could just be the two of us and she can properly show me how to use the baby stuff she gave me – because that is the purpose of her coming trip.
Today she messaged me saying ‘I will be coming with my son’. I ignored it and didn’t open the text.
I called my mom and told her I would prefer if my sister came alone and explained to her why but she loves her grandson and she kept making me feel like a jerk.
I don’t know anymore how to put my foot down on his situation and how to tell Hannah I don’t want her to come if her son comes too. AITJ?
UPDATE: I sincerely spoke to her explaining why I would prefer if she came alone because I wouldn’t have her attention at all if he comes.
I told her I love them both very dearly but that a very enthusiastic toddler is a bit too much to handle emotionally for me at the moment and especially for 4 days. (Again I’m 7 months pregnant and my husband also wants his privacy) I told her I was sorry for feeling this way but that she gotta accept the fact that she cannot impose herself and her son into our house.
She didn’t ask, she wasn’t invited, and she doesn’t want to spend money on a hotel/Airbnb. She has read my messages but hasn’t responded.
Tonight she was supposed to call me at 8 pm and talk about all of this.
At 8:45 pm she still hadn’t called and said she wasn’t able to put her son to bed so she was letting him play a bit longer with his truck toys. I got mad and told her that is exactly the point for which we need to talk, and that had my own life and that she couldn’t keep me on hold for who knows how long, and that we should try another day.
She then called me right away. LOL.
We talked for about an hour. She said I told her very well what the problem was and she appreciated it. She took the day to reflect on herself and spoke to family members and friends about the situation and they all agreed with what I had said to her.
She admitted having a hard time controlling her life and her son, and that it was probably better to work on that first, and then visit when her situation would be easier. So she decided to come to visit my baby in June, 2 weeks after his birth.
She will be coming with her partner so they could rent a place for themselves to sleep, and they can manage their son better. This way everybody would have their own space and privacy.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Honestly, Hannah is doing her son absolutely no favors here.
‘I don’t want him to cry’ guarantees her son can easily manipulate her by threatening to cry. The net result is she is a jerk for not teaching him boundaries.
There’s a reason parents call it ‘the terrible twos.’ It’s when kids stop being totally passive and start asserting their own will.
And they start crying and screaming when their parents refuse them. But that is a parent’s entire job. To bring a baby into healthy, mature adulthood.
You are fully within your rights to refuse Hannah’s son to come over, when he is so poorly behaved. And if Hannah refuses to come without her son, don’t invite her over again and rescind your invitation.
Hannah refuses to see she’s doing anything wrong by herself or her son. So don’t invite her over and ignore your mom’s complaints. If she loves him so, she can invite him over with Hannah and clean up his messes.” bmyst70
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but your sister sure is. Gentle parenting is one thing but not teaching your child any boundaries, letting them control every aspect of your life, and expecting other people to do the same, is another. She is raising him to be spoiled, entitled, and abusive, and she sounds the same.
She is never there for you when you need her and only includes you in her life when she needs something or it’s convenient. I certainly hope they don’t have any pets because I guarantee he would torment them too.” penguin_cat33
Another User Comments:
“You put your foot down by saying ‘I love you and my nephew fiercely, but I can’t stand how you allow him to act and destroy my home. Neither of you is welcome until you teach him how to act.’
The issue here isn’t your nephew, it’s his parents. Don’t say he’s bad, say she hasn’t properly taught him. Don’t say you don’t want to be around him, say that you don’t want to be around her while she refuses to hold him to the most basic standards.
SHE is the issue and turning it into his issue is not only wrong but gives her the opportunity to say that you’re mean to kids.
YTJ for letting it get to this. It’s time to use your words and make a definitive statement.
Being extremely cautious around it is not working and won’t work. Time to grow up and address the real issue instead of being passive-aggressive.” biglipsmagoo
1. AITJ For Enjoying The Pie?
“My (34M) wife’s (34F Anna) always bragging about what a great baker her grandmother, Edna, is. She used to own an award-winning bakery. We were at my wife’s late aunt Helen’s wake. It was a small gathering, Edna brought along what was apparently Helen’s favorite pie that Edna made.
It was a chocolate pie. Anna offered me a slice and I turned it down, as I am not a fan of such food, however, Anna insisted and Edna chimed in. I politely accepted a slice.
Turns out Edna makes the best chocolate pie you have ever had.
Ever. It’s so decadent. I can see why it was Aunt Helen’s favorite. I made a sound to express how delicious I found the pie to be, however, Edna just stared. I didn’t think much of it as we are at a wake and it’s not a joyful event.
I then asked my wife if it would be okay if I tried some of the whipped creams to enjoy with the pie, and she silently passed me the cream. I know I made another sound, but it was just a nice ‘mmm’ sound – again to show my pleasure.
Edna soon left the table and my wife followed. I assumed for grieving reasons.
On the car ride home my wife told me how I made her 94year old grandmother so uncomfortable as I was moaning loudly and repeatedly at the table.
My wife said it was over the top and her grandmother called it ‘vulgar.’
I told my wife I was not moaning inappropriately over the pie, however, she did not believe me as she said I moaned harder after she passed me the whipped cream and I made a scene at the wake, moaning ‘sensually’ over chocolate pie and whipped cream while licking my lips and fingers (I’m sorry, is this a crime?).
As she was telling me this she got a text from her brother apparently joking about the ‘seductive pie’, and it made her annoyed at me.
I honestly don’t see how I am the jerk or if she is just grieving and making up reasons to fight.
I know I made some sounds, but they were ‘mmmm’ sounds you make when something is delicious, it was a moan to express the pleasure of the pie.
AITJ here? Should I just apologize?
EDIT – I have taken accountability for the way my moans made my wife, her brother, and grandmother feel.
I moaned too loud and too often.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I would have laughed and roasted you right there. ‘seductive pie’ – that’s hilarious. It seems like your partner either doesn’t have much of a sense of humor, to begin with, or they are just feeling sensitive since they are grieving.
The fact that you moaned like that is really just a testament to how good it was! You weren’t being intentionally vulgar, you didn’t even realize you did it! It was so good you involuntarily made those noises! Maybe they thought you were being intentionally over the top to make fun?
That’s kinda what it sounds like to me. At first offer you refused, but they insisted because the pie is so legendary to them, and when you reluctantly took it then audibly moaned with the overwhelming pleasure your taste buds were experiencing, to them it might have seemed over the top and fake.
What a silly thing for everyone to be upset about. Apologize to your partner, since it upset them so much but I think it’s important that you make it known that those sounds were genuine at that moment. Thank them for insisting that you try some, and tell them they were right to do so because it sincerely is amazing.
You couldn’t help the sounds you made and genuinely didn’t realize that you were drawing attention to yourself.
Personally, I think that should make them even more proud of their family’s amazing chocolate pie.” AgitatedXC
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Moaning when you eat is inherently obnoxious.
It’s a completely voluntary action that no one and nothing makes you take, and the more expressive ones are some of the most annoying sounds a person can make.
If you were moaning and licking your fingers to the point that multiple people noticed and took offense, I think we can all see/hear in our minds exactly what you sounded like.
The time/place matter, coupled with the fact that it was completely unnecessary when you could have just looked up and said ‘This is excellent’, and then proceeded to use a napkin or wash your hands like an adult, makes you a major jerk in my books.” corndog2021
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t even want the pie but they both insisted you try it. Now the grandmother is upset that you apparently liked it too much? Jesus. Sure she was grieving, but she wasn’t too distraught with grief to try and show off her baking ability…
Call me crazy but I think your wife should be on your side, trying to persuade her grandmother that it was nothing and you were just a bit over-enthusiastic. She is instead spinning into this massively offensive thing when it’s seriously so, so petty.
As her brother’s text indicates, this is the kind of thing that will probably pass into family legend and will be a recurring joke every time a pie is brought out. Just go with it.” Spirallama
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
It was absolutely 100% a crime.
Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. Are you a child? That’s absolutely disgusting of you. This was a wake. Not some light-hearted birthday for your kids. It was an event of remembrance for a dead woman that you absolutely disrespected. Your poor wife had to divert her grief into fixing your mess.
There’s no justifiable excuse for that behavior. I can’t even believe someone could be so rude. You’ll be forever known as the weirdo seductive pie guy whenever someone thinks of Aunt Helen and her passing. You’re the guy that family will tell of in the weird relative stories and your wife will be the poor woman married to you.
Don’t just apologize to your wife. Apologize to Aunt Edna and your wife’s grandma for your actions and for having to put up with you. I’m 100% certain your wife has already communicated your lack of care to her family and you’ve increasingly ruined any good opinion they had of you.” mimi7600
