People Make Bold Decisions In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Asking My Husband To Financially Contribute More Towards Our Kids?
“My husband and I have been together for 8 years. For the past 8 years, I have been paying for all of our kids’ needs and extra things. We have 3 together, 7 total, 6 we support. My husband only pays $700 in bills a month (his car payment and his rent to own) and leaves the rest to me.
He has never paid for Christmas, birthday, sports, clothes, school supplies, vacations, nor helped with basic bills, nothing.
So I told him he had to pay for his kids and for half of ours kids as they are ours together so I can be home with the kids instead of having to work 80 plus hours a week to support us while he’s barely pulling 40.
He said that that’s not right and that I’m not treating his kids fairly. So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – He’s been taking advantage of you for a VERY long time. You need to just stop paying for his kids at this point.
He can be a big boy and figure that out, you can pay for your kids. He probably won’t contribute to the kids you have together but at least you don’t need to pay for his. Honestly, what does he even bring to this relationship?
I wouldn’t stay with someone who is not paying for his own kids while you pay for everything and work 80 HOURS a week! You deserve better.” Unhappy-Prune-9914
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for your request, maybe a bit of a jerk for the way you brought up the subject.
Since you have paid for all the stuff for 8 years, I assume the problem is not necessarily having to pay for things for your stepkids, but that your husband is not helping at all. Say that. That he has to pay 50% of all expenses not only what he feels like paying because you are not covering.
No need to say “pay for your kids”, since all you want is that he contributes.” pastor_pilao
Another User Comments:
“This guy really has a lot of nerve to say you are not treating his kids fairly. You’re treating them better than he does.
You better have a heart-to-heart with your husband and read him the riot act. If he doesn’t step up and take care of his herd of children, then he can take a hike with his 4 and pay child support for the 3 you have together. He’s been getting away with murder and using you as an ATM.
Wake up OP! You’re a jerk to yourself.” tuffyowner
21. AITJ For Cussing Out My Aunt Who Insists On Changing My Appearance?
“I love my aunt but ever since I was 12 (I’m 22 now) she’s been trying to give me “advice” about my appearance.
I got lunch with her last week and she said that she wanted to give me some “tips”. First, she suggested that I go to a beauty parlor and get my eyebrows threaded. I have somewhat thick eyebrows and I’d like to think that I keep them groomed and that they suit my face.
I said that I like my eyebrows and I would rather not do that. My aunt then brought up my hair and that she wants to take me to my hair salon to cut and dye my hair, and she said that I would look really good as a blonde.
I don’t want to be a blonde. I like my dark hair and plus that would mean a lot of bleaching involved which I just don’t want. I declined and said that I would rather just get a haircut at the barbershop.
So I was home with my parents yesterday and my aunt came over to see them.
It was all fine until my aunt said that she wants to make an appointment with me to get my hair dyed and cut and my eyebrows thinned and that she knows what would suit me. I told her that we already talked about this and that I don’t want to dye my hair.
My aunt started asked me why I keep declining and that again, she knows what looks the best on me, and that I should at least just try going blonde and that plenty of girls dye their hair. I told her that I know that a lot of girls get their hair done because that is THEIR CHOICE and that I LOVE my dark hair and my thick eyebrows and I want to keep it that way.
My aunt gave me a look of disapproval and said that I need to look presentable and more feminine and that I should listen to her because she knows what’s best for me. I told her that I am feminine enough and that I like the way that I look, and I am the only one who gets to decide my own appearance.
She got mad at me and told me that I’m weird and that other girls would laugh at me, and that it’s getting to that age where I need to start looking “marriageable.” I lost it at that point.
I told my aunt that 1. I am not a doll that she can decide on how I should look and that I am a grown person and that she doesn’t get to decide what happens to my body.
2. No other girls are laughing at me 3. I don’t care about what some imaginary dude thinks of me and a guy should just like me for me. I also told her that I never dictate what she can and can’t do with her face, hair, etc. so she has no right to tell me otherwise.
My aunt called me an ungrateful jerk. I told her that I wasn’t ungrateful because I never asked for any of those things in the first place. She walked out of the home and my mom started yelling at me calling me a brat and that I was horribly disrespectful.
I told my mom that she should know better than anyone else who after all this time can’t keep her intrusive opinions to herself. I drove back to my college campus and my mom and I have not spoken since. I can’t help but feel like a jerk for cussing out my aunt.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What a horrid person. She has no business needling you on this. You are right that the person who is meant to be your partner will love you for you, not a thin-browed blonde, especially if that is not how you want to look and won’t maintain that appearance, because bleached hair is a ton of upkeep that isn’t cheap.
I know so many girls who had moms or other family who tried to do some half baked glow up with hefty priced salon hair coloring that is unaffordable to maintain that makes the girl feel nice until the cost of maintenance (a couple hundred dollars every 6-12 weeks for 3+ hours in a salon!) adds up for them and they couldn’t maintain it, because they had other financial or schedule priorities.
You should do all the grooming you want that you can afford and maintain. Don’t let someone shake your confidence. No girls are laughing at you and if they are, they’re not worth the energy to care about them.” wildferalfun
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She was being rude.
She made an offer that she thought you would enjoy and benefit from (in her opinion), but when you turned her down, that doesn’t mean she can go to her parents to try to pressure you. She could have offered to buy you a new outfit or get pedicures together or something.
Trying to strong-arm you through your parents was not nice. (Also, it sounds like you cussed in front of her, but she’s the one who cussed you out. You say that you are not “a doll” and talk about your “body.” You didn’t call her a jerk or something.
But the vibe still sounds disrespectful; I get it.)” WVildandWVonderful
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your aunt sounds like one of those 3rd world old people who critique everything and can’t resist the urge to complain about you, don’t want to assume but your parents agree with her because they probably have the same mindset about looking feminine and marriageable.
She is in the wrong here drilling her nose into other people’s businesses, she should apologize to you.” [deleted]
20. AITJ For Grounding My Son After He Made Insensitive Comments About My Daughter?
“My (43M) daughter (17F) was recently hospitalized for anorexia. I had my daughter from a previous marriage, but married my now wife (40) when my daughter was 12, in addition to me having a daughter my wife also has a child (14M) from a previous relationship. So for the last 5 years, we have lived together as one family.
After visiting my daughter in the hospital, I came home and my son was in the living room playing video games with two friends. As I was taking off my boots near the garage door, I hear one of my son’s friends bring up my daughter to which my son replied “yeah, well at least she isn’t a fatty anymore.” This sent me into an immediate rage.
I was so mad, that I made both of his friends leave and explained to him why that wasn’t okay to say. He showed no remorse and kept saying that I was overreacting to a joke. I ended up grounding him and sent a text to my wife letting her know what had happened.
My wife got home and was upset with me for not understanding that “he was just being a clown in front of his friends” and kept stating that it wasn’t anything serious and that he was just being a boy and that I overreacted. I don’t think that I overreacted regarding my rage but did that situation deserve a punishment?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “He’s just being a boy and trying to be a clown.” She’s literally excusing jerk behavior. Yes, he’s a kid, but by not punishing this kind of jerk behavior, you get a jerk dude walking around thinking it’s okay to say this stuff.
It’s not. It’s not okay to say this stuff, ESPECIALLY since he knew she was hospitalized because of an eating disorder. Reap what you sow kid, you’re old enough to make those comments? Also old enough to know what it means. Therefore old enough for the darn consequences.” zZombi__
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – that is not okay. As a woman myself who had struggled with anorexia as a child it is a very serious condition that has lasting effects into adulthood both mentally and physically. Not only was a statement not appropriate joking or otherwise.
To go as far as to show no remorse is most certainly not okay it doesn’t matter if he’s a boy now. Eventually, he will become a man and no man should be walking around acting like that. Good job for nipping that in the bud now.” After_Occasion
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your daughter has been hospitalized for a serious mental health issue. Your wife, on the other hand, is a mega jerk for dismissing her son’s behavior. He is old enough to understand what is unacceptable in conversation and be held accountable for it.
Your wife is dismissing behavior that is toxic. Good on you for standing up for your daughter, and best of luck in her recovery. Stick by her, OP. She needs you.” DubiousLake
19. AITJ For Not Inviting My Sister To My Wedding After She Got With My Ex?
“I (26f) found out that my partner/ex was unfaithful to me with my sister 5 years ago.
I was beyond devastated. I cut all contact with my sister and ex except when we are at family gatherings (even there we don’t share a single word together).
Anyway I am getting married to my now fiancé in 3 months, everything is almost set up and we just sent the invitations.
This past Saturday during a family gathering, my sister pulled me aside and asked why she hadn’t gotten an invitation yet. She also said that she was mad because she should have gotten it first before everybody and that she accepted the fact that she wasn’t a bridesmaid but I should have done that for her as she is my only sister (I have other half-siblings, she is just my only full sibling).
Anyway, I told her that she was not invited to the wedding and she started throwing a tantrum and my fiancé and I had to leave the gathering because it was too much for me.
I have been getting phone calls from my mother and my sister telling me that I am a jerk for not forgetting something that happened half a decade ago.
My other relatives are all on my side and are saying that it is my wedding and I can do whatever I want. My mom is threatening not to come to the wedding if my sister is not invited.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
May have been years ago, but that is the biggest betrayal that your sister could commit. In relation to your mother saying how you should let it go because it was half a decade ago… during this whole time, did your sister ever acknowledge what she did was very wrong and even try to admit fault or even apologize?
By the sounds of her character, I think not and so I would have done the same as you.” Busy_Matter_8641
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom wants the family to be together and no drama and will do anything to smooth it over. I get the motive.
Your sister betrayed your trust and your post sounds like she is still with the guy. Tell her you love your mom and because of that love, you have kept the peace. But it was never settled and this is as far as you are taking this.
It helps that the rest of your family gets it.” Spector567
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The famous song says, “Lord help the mister who comes between me and my sister, but Lord help the sister who comes between me and my man.” This sister messed up and you don’t have to have her at your wedding just because she says so.
Your mother now has to choose daughters and it isn’t you. Tell your mother you’re sad she will miss your wedding but not sad your sister isn’t coming. They can have a nice lunch together on your wedding day.” Malibucat48
18. AITJ For Wearing Traditional Moroccan Outfits In The US?
“I am a German living in the US and my partner is American.
Two months ago, we visited Marrakech where I saw some traditional men’s outfits (Gandoura) that I liked so I bought them.
I wear them once or twice a week. They are nice, super comfy, and breathable which is a perk during the summer. My partner took a lot of offense to me wearing them for multiple reasons.
She said I get too many weird looks from people. She also said that it doesn’t make sense for me to wear them since I am not Moroccan nor living in Morocco and didn’t get them as a gift from someone there. And since I wear them with sneakers or slippers it was even more distasteful.
(For info it’s not like I wear them every day and everywhere, it’s usually only when taking a walk or hanging out in someplace casual, and also I saw some guys back in Morocco wear them with sneakers/slippers).
Well yesterday, when she saw me wear the outfit before going to the park she sarcastically asked me if I needed heels with it because the dress and purple color made me look like a woman.
To my defense, I also don’t like some stuff that she wears (see-through leggings, and shirts showing a lot of cleavage) because she gets a lot of attention from men and gets called pet names. But she likes wearing them and I am not the kind of guy who controls what his girl gets to wear.
So I think it’s only fair that I get to wear what I want too especially since it’s something that I really like.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – This doesn’t seem like cultural appropriation (as another commenter mentioned) since you bought these clothes on a vacation and are wearing them for their intended purpose, walking and as day-to-day wear.
I’m sure if someone asked about it you would mention that you bought them on vacation (I see no difference between this and someone wearing a dress or skirt or sarong or something they bought while in Hawaii or something similar).” Deliriums_BabelFish
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, not sure why she thinks she can control what you wear. Unless the garb has traditional cultural connotations (i.e. only worn by certain people or in certain situations, idk enough about the culture to know if that’s the case) or you were wearing it as a costume, then I don’t see a problem.
And her last comment suggests she’s not trying to be culturally sensitive she just doesn’t like you wearing it. Which is a her problem, not a you problem.” LikeIGiveAFlip
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner isn’t worried about cultural appropriation (which this really wouldn’t be anyway, men in cultures in lots of parts of the world with hot weather wear versions of loose kaftan-style clothing like this, and it really has nothing to do with ethnicity), she’s just sexist. She’s small-minded and self-conscious about you wearing what she perceives as a “dress” or overly feminine clothing.
The irony is that it really IS very small-minded of her because again, this is a style of dress common to men in dozens of countries and cultures around the world – just one that she’s either unfamiliar with or too parochial to wrap her head around.
You’re definitely NTJ. She doesn’t have to like the clothes, she’s not the one wearing them.” FoolMe1nceShameOnU
17. AITJ For Being Upset My Mom Didn't Tell Me She Was Leaving For A Week?
“My aunt on my mom’s side lives abroad, all the way in Belgium. My mom has three sisters, all of whom live very far away and in different places. My mom video-calls them just about every day, and I know how much she misses them.
The last time she’s seen them was last summer. I know it must be hard to be separated from your siblings and your mother like that.
But hear me out. Today, Mom drops the bombshell on me that she’s going to leave for Belgium for a week…tomorrow.
To visit my aunt, obviously. And that I’ll be the one taking care of the house while she’s gone. It was really a surprise to me. I told her why she only told me today, that this was something she should’ve told me ahead of time and that she shouldn’t go so suddenly.
She told me it wasn’t sudden and that she’d been planning it with Dad for months. I told her that that was only all the more reason for me to be upset.
Then she just went off on me, talking about how would I like it if I lived apart from my brother and my sister (a five-year-old…) and that I wouldn’t be able to take it.
On top of that, she mentioned how she never complained when I had to go on a school trip that lasted five days and wasn’t able to see my mom for that whole week. She said I owed her one. I told her that that was manipulative and that I didn’t have a choice but to go on that school trip, and that the situation was very different, and that she knew months ahead of time.
She told me that I was just scared of the responsibility.
Finally, I just told her that she should’ve been more responsible and that it was really irresponsible to not tell your children you’re going away for a week until like twelve hours before you actually went.
So…yeah. She was clearly upset. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But how old are you? Is your mum expecting you to care for your siblings while she is gone or is your dad going to take off from work to do so? As he gave his ok to your mum?
If yes your mum is irresponsible. She can either take your siblings with her or make your dad care for them.” AbenaGH0209M3
Another User Comments:
“This sounds so weird. Of course your mum should be able to go visit her family – there’s nothing wrong with that.
But unless there’s an emergency, you make plans for your responsibilities ahead of time with the relevant people. I really, really don’t understand why she would just spring something like this on you at the last minute. It’s not fair. And you are under no obligation to take care of your siblings.
It’s your parents’ responsibility and your dad needs to step up and either take time off work or pay someone to come and babysit. Alternatively, your mum can postpone her trip and include you in the planning so she can go at a time when you are actually able to help with looking after your siblings.
NTJ (but your parents are). Sincerely a mum who travels regularly, but always make sure well ahead of time that there is a plan for child-care and other important stuff (you know, as responsible parents do).” HeatCute
Another User Comments:
“She’s clearly only telling you at the last minute to pressure you into saying yes.
This is really unfair. Your dad should be stepping up and covering her responsibilities to support her while she visits her sister. You are not a resource for her to allocate – particularly without getting your agreement first. Your finals are important, focus on them.” trialtestofreddit
16. AITJ For Begging My Husband To Let Me Sleep Despite His ADHD And Irregular Work Schedule?
“My husband and I have been married for 4 years. In those 4 years we’ve gone through a lot of changes, moving, jobs, school, you name it.
As a result, we don’t really have a schedule or routine because we’ve been in survival mode. For the past year things have settled down, we’re both in stable, long-term jobs and finally in a good living situation. The thing is, our preferred schedules are not compatible.
He is a paramedic and works 24-hour shifts and I work a regular 9-5. Because of this, we don’t have a lot of alone time. Right now his schedule (that he chose for himself) is Monday evening to Tuesday evening, and Friday evening to Saturday evening.
He will sometimes pick up a half shift because we are trying to pull in as much money as possible right now to pay off debt. So I usually see him 4-5 days out of the week.
The thing is, because I have work at 9 am my schedule is usually getting in bed around 9-9:30, asleep at 10-10:30, and awake at 6.
This gives me time to get ready in the mornings without being rushed. He usually gets home at 8:30 (sometimes later if he is on a call) and will want to decompress and hang out.
Now, we’ve already had this argument so many times, but the other night I snapped. He got home late, I stayed up to say good night and then tried to go to bed, he said he never gets to see me and that he’s not a priority, I say we can catch up tomorrow, he grumbles and lets me go, then comes into the room a few times to show me a TikTok, a meme, or talk about something that he saw on TV.
Finally, for a third time, he woke me up and I checked, it was 1:30 in the morning. I stopped him in the middle of whatever he was talking about and said half asleep and through tears “I am literally BEGGING you to let me sleep.
You are literally denying me sleep right now I am begging for you to leave me alone so I can just get some sleep.”
We then proceeded to have an argument where his points were that he shouldn’t be punished for wanting to spend time with me and that because he has ADHD and his job has weird hours he can’t form a sleep schedule.
I said that he doesn’t have to, but for the love of God please stop ruining my sleep because he’s bored at 1 in the morning, and that if he wants to see more of me then he could wake up when I do, and then take a nap while I’m working.
He said that I “know what he’s like in the mornings.” and then went back into the living room.
This was a day ago and he’s been moody but before we had the chance to hash it out he left for work. I try to be as accommodating as possible because he does struggle with ADHD and I know his job comes with unique pros and cons but I feel like I am begging for food, clothes, or any other necessity.
No matter what I will establish this as a boundary, but I don’t think that this argument was the right way to start that. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I am so tired of seeing post after post where someone is subjected to abuse and feels bad because “he has ADHD” or someone explaining that they are a bad person “because of my ADHD.” No. I have ADHD to the point it is literally disabling.
If I’m not medicated I cannot complete the simplest tasks and I need to focus all the time on completing things. I have never once woken someone up to watch a TikTok. ADHD doesn’t make people forget it is rude to wake someone up who is sleeping.
It doesn’t make us think everyone needs to bend over backward to make things easier for us. I can absolutely get myself on a regular sleep schedule if I WANT to. The thing is, I don’t usually want to. He doesn’t want to.
He is making excuses for not getting his medical condition under control. He needs to take medication and he needs to adopt a lifestyle that makes his condition more comfortable to live with.” VROF
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sleep is sacred. He’s also reminding me of an ex I had who would behave like a child to get my attention while I was reading to de-stress.
He would make funny faces like a little kid to get me to engage with him and stuff like that when I just wanted to be left alone. That relationship obviously did not work out, but you and your husband will have to come to some understanding about this.
Also, I have ADHD, and I’m really sick of the people with ADHD who blame everything they do that upsets people on ADHD. It may be a contributing factor to his boredom and attention-seeking, but he’s an adult. He needs to learn some impulse control and figure out how to amuse himself in the middle of the night.
Everyone has uphill battles in adulthood. Telling someone they have to stop sleeping to pay attention to you is what little kids do.” ultrarelative
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And I don’t wanna say that you’re being abused because obviously, you’ve only given us a snapshot of what your real life is like, but not letting your spouse sleep when they are literally begging you is a form of abuse.
My ex used to do this to me all of the time. It’s sleep deprivation. You shouldn’t have to beg your partner or your spouse for basic necessities like food water sleep shelter, stuff like that. Like I said this may not be what he’s trying to do and you may not be in an abusive relationship but not letting your spouse sleep when they are literally begging you is a form of abuse.
If you feel like you’re not being abused then just have a conversation with him when you’re both OK. But him getting unjustifiably angry over you begging for sleep is a red flag in my opinion. You should never have to beg another person to let you go to sleep.
Also, ADHD is not an excuse to keep bothering somebody over and over again when they tell you to stop every single time. If his ADHD is this big of a problem how does he even do his job? Can he do his job if his ADHD is this bad?
That he can’t even remember that you’ve begged him to let you sleep a basic human necessity? It’s just very weird to me that he’s getting angry over sleep when you have a sleep schedule. But again regardless of his disorders, he needs to get his mental health checked because it is not an excuse to behave this way.” One_Condition_7001
15. AITJ For Wanting My Husband To Balance His Hobbies With Family Time?
“I work shifts two nights a week and weekends. My husband routinely golfs 2 times a week and is in a bowling league that meets several times a month. He brought up during our anniversary dinner that he is going to start playing tennis on one of the nights I work, no discussion or asking how I feel about it.
He tends to try to cram a lot into a day and we both have issues managing time. When I brought this up as a concern, his response was we should just hire a nanny. I said it’s important for us to talk about balancing our time as a family and I want us around for bedtime for our one-year-old son.
Maybe we could reach a compromise about having our needs met? He always goes for a who is right/wrong when we have a disagreement. It’s exhausting. I don’t mean staying home with him for bedtime every night, but I think it’s important while he’s little and on the nights I’m working.
My husband told me I’m lucky to be married to him, and that there are some guys who would go out 7 nights a week no questions asked. When I said I feel like it’s enough to golf and be in a bowling league or make a sacrifice with one of those to play tennis, he told me I should just quit my job if I wanted someone with our son at bedtime.
He said if I “say no” to him we would have serious problems. I asked him if he meant we should get a divorce and he told me he was done and walked off. This ended with me in tears.
He does make more than me.
When I express a concern about balance or family time, I feel like he makes a power play for control.
For reference, I would love to have a weekly night hobby! It feels like he has an unfair reaction to my concerns, and I’m unsure if I’m overreacting.
Am I the jerk for telling him it’s too much to be involved in 1-2 days of golfing on the weekend (6-12 hours), tennis one night, and bowling another night when we have a one-year-old son and for asking if he meant we should get a divorce when he said we would have serious problems?”
Another User Comments:
“Wow, NTJ at all. Your husband however is a massive jerk — not only for disregarding your super valid concerns (who has time for all that!), but because of the way he seems to approach disagreements in a marriage and the need to compromise.
You brought up the divorce because that’s the logical ending point of a relationship where someone approaches issues with this attitude. Good luck OP.” LawLion
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The financial aspect he continues to make a point over is borderline manipulative and the dismissive way he speaks to you is also cause for concern.
If he’s not interested in hearing how you feel and making changes to the relationship or any sort of counseling I don’t see this getting any better. You’ll be disappointed and put on the back burner and he will dismiss it. If you don’t do anything to change this dynamic your son will grow up very clearly seeing how much his father is not interested in spending time with him.” pinkwineenthusiast
Another User Comments:
“I don’t usually jump to divorce or separation first thing but… “no discussion or asking how I feel about it.” There is your first problem, he can’t or won’t communicate, listen, and compromise. Can he make a list of these guys’ numbers so you know who to avoid after your split?
Because he can’t seem to understand that parenting is a two-to-tango thing. (No insults to single mums because that is even harder.) You feel lonely, you feel like he doesn’t prioritize his family life over his fun? You feel like you are a single mum even though you have a partner in the house living with you?
You feel like he’s not listening to how you feel and is not willing to put in the work to make the relationship better? You feel like the accessory in your own relationship? Couples counseling now! If he won’t agree, you have to make a hard decision about how you want to live.
If he tries to gaslight you that HE doesn’t need the therapy, you do for your unreal expectations. I kept hoping it would get better, he’d mature, time would bring us closer, 28 years later and I realized I didn’t have three kids, I had four.
Been there, done that, got the divorce and the t-shirt, and am now blissfully happy with a partner that I have to lovingly tell to give me a little space! (He spoils me rotten and he’s a snuggler!)” kdnona
14. AITJ For Not Spending My Wife's Birthday With Her To Handle My Late Father's Affairs?
“My father passed away last week, and I’ve been bouncing between my home and my parents’ home since, helping handle affairs and everything. My wife has not come with me, as my mother has been very cruel to her (I only still speak to my mom for dad-related stuff, planning to go NC once the estate stuff is taken care of).
My wife’s birthday is this weekend, but I had planned to go back to my parents’ house to get some more work done, and canceled our original plans to spend the day together. She has been extremely supportive of the work I need to do with regards to wrapping up my father’s business, and my grief, and she told me she wasn’t upset about me spending her birthday elsewhere, and that she’d make plans with friends.
She called some of our friends and made plans, but a few of them have started texting me telling me I’m a terrible husband, that I knew my father was going to pass (he had a terminal illness) and I should ‘get over myself’ for one day to celebrate my wife.
I know she has been going through a lot personally with work stress, our infertility struggles, and a death in her family a few months ago, but she did tell me to go if I needed to go, and she hasn’t been acting upset, just our friends.
When I brought that up they said that she shouldn’t have to “beg” her husband to spend her birthday with her, and any good husband would have chosen differently than I have. I haven’t told my wife about the texts I’ve been getting yet, as I don’t want to worry or upset her.
WIBTJ if I went ahead with my plans to go back to my parents’ this weekend?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m sorry for your loss. It serves none for you to prolong the situation by settling your father’s estate if the point is to go NC with your mom afterward.
As a side tangent – every time I read a post on here where someone from outside the relationship starts texting the person about a situation and giving their two cents I immediately wonder where they get the nerve. I’d redirect your concerns to your wife and ask her if she really did feel that way or if she felt it’s what she had to say.
From there do what you need to to keep your your marriage good. The reality is one day delay on your father’s estate will likely not make a huge difference if she does indeed want you with her for her bday. Again sorry for your loss.” MoMoJangles
Another User Comments:
“I mean yeah you kind of suck, not going to lie. You can wait another day to continue getting your father’s affairs sorted out. Your wife has been giving you support during your tough time while having her own issues. She hasn’t complained about this situation.
I think the least you can do is give her her birthday and support her with her struggles also. You aren’t the only one who is struggling but you don’t seem to care about your wife’s struggles. “WIBTJ if I went ahead with my plans to go back to my parents’ this weekend?” Yes, you would be.
It is one day you will miss. You will be fine. The friends suck. You suck. ESH well not the wife.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – you just stated in your post that you have been frequently traveling back and forth to wrap up the business.
You just stated that your wife has been nothing but supportive. You just stated that she is also going through lots of stress and trauma from death in her family as well. This woman has done nothing but be helpful and be a good wife along the way of your struggles from what you stated in your post. You can’t take 1 day off for someone who’s been a rock for you.
You’re telling me that whatever you had planned can’t wait one day man? Like I get it that things need to be taken care of but I am sure that can wait especially since this day comes once a year and it’s to celebrate her as a person.
Your friends overstepped by telling you to get over yourself as I am sure that you are still grieving and I am sorry for your loss. But his death should show you to celebrate the people you have with you while they are still around because you never know what could happen.” LeonidasAdrian
13. AITJ For Emailing My Art Professor The Type Of Painting I'm Making?
“I’m an art student, and this semester I took multiple classes that focus on the body/anatomy. In one of my classes we drew the body each session, and each week we focused on a different area (torso, legs, etc). So, as part of the final, my professor requested that we email him a drawing that uses the skills he taught us during the semester so that he can evaluate it and give us critiques.
He said it could be a final from another class or just a personal piece.
Since I have another class that focuses on specifically painting the human body, I figured it would be a great idea to send him my final from that! Our model was obviously without clothes, and the big focus of the piece was using oil paint to accurately map out her skin in its tones/values.
When I casually brought this up during dinner, my one roommate started acting really strange. I asked what was wrong and she said that it was highly inappropriate that I’d send a professor something like that. I said that there’s nothing weird about it in this context and he sees my work of drawings every week, but she said that showing him work like that outside of class is really creepy and borderline harassment, because he never agreed to see it with this piece like he does in class.
I don’t know, I don’t really think I did anything wrong but I’m starting to really second-guess myself that I really did do something inappropriate. I’m feeling nervous because it’s been a few hours and my professor hasn’t responded with anything. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your professor requested it. He sees bodies constantly. He sees drawings and probably paintings of bodies without clothes often. He’s likely numb to the content at this point. Your friend likely has never taken an art class or even less likely one that includes models without clothes.
She doesn’t understand the context of the work and why you are not bad for sending your professor your art. I was an art studio major in college. The only thing I found odd about my teacher was one time I brought in a friend to class.
He honestly just wanted to see the human form without clothes. His drawing consisted of a stick figure with a human form, while the rest of us were trying to make the drawing of the model realistic with shadowing and whatnot. The teacher found his art promising and intriguing.
That made me question the teacher’s vision, to say the least.” Azile96
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You would be sending this to the professor as part of a class assignment, so not sure why the creepy weird comments from her, and it’s a class that focuses on anatomy so even it stands to reason that this wouldn’t be an issue!
I suppose if the situation were reversed and you were sending a human form oil paint for a class focusing on capturing color not on a human body that could be a check with the professor first. Maybe. Pretty sure professors in an art department aren’t going to find the art of human form disturbing unless you made it intentionally inappropriate.” thecatmouse
12. AITJ For Accepting A VIP Booth Without My Cousins At My Bachelorette Party?
“My girls and I are from Canada and we flew to Las Vegas to celebrate my bachelorette party. I have three cousins that I also invited. My cousins went for breakfast in the morning and invited me but I had to stay and hang out with my friends.
I was kind of annoyed because I wanted to go to that restaurant and they went without me anyways. My friends and I were supposed to meet my cousins at 1 pm but we decided to stay at our hotel pool for a bit longer and when I FaceTimed to tell them, they looked a little bit irritated because they were already outside of the day club.
We weren’t sure when we were going to come so they went inside and we were going to meet them inside.
One of my cousins contacted the promoters to get us on the guest list for all of the clubs throughout the weekend and told us that the club on Saturday had a ladies’ drink hour.
When we got there it wasn’t a real thing so I was mad I had to pay for drinks. She told us there were drink hours on Sunday too but my trust was lost.
When my group of friends got to the club, we were offered a comp booth and bottles and we gladly accepted. My cousins were not allowed to come to the booth since they weren’t with us and they didn’t get a wristband.
I figured they had been to Vegas before so wouldn’t have minded that we went without them. Also, it was my bachelorette and we didn’t get bottles anywhere else so my friends and I stayed in the booth while they were in general admission.
They seemed annoyed when we met up with them and were standoffish on the plane ride home. AITJ for accepting the booth and bottles without my cousins?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. When offered the bottle service you should have said there were two more in your party, because you knew you were meeting your cousins there.
If they said you couldn’t add two more, you should have turned it down. You were annoyed they went to the restaurant without you, so you deliberately excluded them at the club. It’s pretty gross behavior, and I’d be annoyed with you, too. At the very least, you owe them a massive apology- but I wouldn’t be surprised if your relationship was never the same.
You broke the cardinal rule of group partying: you split up the group.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You lost trust in your cousin because you didn’t get free booze, which is a straaaaange way to evaluate personal relationships, but you did get free drinks and so you blew off your cousin.
You got invited to a restaurant you wanted to go to, declined, and then got mad at someone else because you didn’t go. One of your cousins contacted all the promoters (whatever that means), organized a fair bit of the weekend, and didn’t get to do the organized events with you because you either didn’t show up, showed up late, or excluded them when you did.
And for this, your family members took an entire weekend of their time and paid for plane tickets and a hotel?” xirtilibissop
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – after inviting them all that way and the expenses they paid to be there you blew them off for your friends.
You then had the audacity to be mad at them. Why did you have to be with your friends but not your cousins? Why couldn’t the whole group do breakfast? Why couldn’t you just do breakfast and see your friends after? Why couldn’t you have added them to the booth when you got the bands?
Your cousins made so much effort for you that weekend and you threw it in their faces. I doubt they’ll bother to make any kind of effort for you after this.” East_Particular_2893
11. AITJ For Not Wanting My Partner's Friend To Join Our Hiking Trip?
“Last summer I made plans to hike the PCT with my partner and she asked if her friend could go along.
I said yes and we planned the trip for months. (The hike is a multi-month trip.)
Right before we were about to leave I found out my partner’s friend dislikes me and has wanted my partner to break up with me almost since the start of the relationship.
It was too late to uninvite her and she ruined the trip.
Whenever my partner and I got into a dispute her friend would take her side and make things worse. Instead of being able to calmly talk about the situation she added fuel to the fire.
Finally, it got so bad that we canceled the trip early. Every dispute we had I had to have the conversation with her friend there and she kept bringing up every mistake I’ve made.
After that, my partner and I agreed that we would try the JMT next summer with just the two of us.
Now she’s saying her friend is coming and I’m saying no. She’s saying she will go without me with her friend even though she promised and she’s saying it’s my fault there are problems.
Am I the jerk for refusing to let her friend come on the trip with us because she ruined the last trip?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. It sounds like you may just not be compatible as a couple. Her friend shouldn’t be trying to break you up either but since your partner is actively prioritizing her over you it may be time to consider an amicable split.
She’s not going to cut out that friend until it’s too late so you have to make a decision on whether you can handle a third wheel that wants to puncture all the other tires.” TiltedWombat
Another User Comments:
“If only I could go back to those days.
It feels like such a huge deal to break up with a long-term partner. But dude, you probably don’t want to spend the rest of your life and potentially raise children with this type of person. She’s pulling this over a hike? Who will she have in her corner when you’re arguing over how to raise kids?
If you’re in therapy before even being married, you really might want to consider finding someone else. I don’t mean to be dramatic, I really mean it. Things only get harder from here, believe me. Long term, leaving now is the path of least resistance, even though it doesn’t feel like it.” I_AM_HERE_TO_JUDGE
10. AITJ For Telling My Partner He Doesn't Deserve His Son Due To His Behavior?
“I am a 27 (f) and my partner is a 26 (m). My partner has a baby from a previous relationship and since we have been together he has been fighting for custody but he keeps getting held back.
Either his paperwork is incorrect or he needs more forms. The biggest obstacle is the mother left to another state in the middle of the process even though it is illegal. She doesn’t want the court involved and has refused to file any paperwork herself.
Recently he tried to get emergency orders for her to come back to the original state. They got rejected and we don’t know why.
Now the reason I have an issue is that whenever my partner is going through something negative he projects it onto me.
Going as far as name-call me, attempting to belittle me simply because he is frustrated and “can’t do it on his own”. He will request that I help him do something simple like Google information but then goes and sits down to play video games for hours.
When he could take the time to google it himself. He will ask me in the middle of doing homework or taking care of something else and demand that I do it. Rushing me and telling me to hurry up when he could simply take care of it himself.
This causes us to argue because I refuse to be talked to anyway especially when you’re asking me for help.
Today he called me upset over his court process and said “I need you to find me a family lawyer and information on how to contact the courts about my paperwork.” He claims his baby mama blocked him and that made him mad.
I attempted to ask a question because it made no sense why she would block him unless he did something to her. He says to his co-worker “This woman is stupid.” Then proceeds to tell me to just do what he says and stop talking.
I hung up the phone. He called back and I told him he doesn’t deserve his son being the man he is and the constant issues with his paperwork is God’s way of telling him that. Then hung up the phone. He came home asking me if I found him a lawyer and I said no. He got upset and told me he wouldn’t ask me for anything again.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Please drop this person from your life. Anyone who treats you that way, you are right — they don’t deserve to be in their child’s life. You’re seeing a loser, OP…. how much longer do you want to deal with his temper, name-calling, and verbal abuse?
Because it’s only going to get worse. Maybe this is why the ‘baby mama’ (god, I hate that phrase, she is the child’s mother) took off because she knows this guy is garbage. NTJ, but you will be if you continue to stay with this p**z.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There is a reason why his ex is his ex and if he treated her the way he treats you, it’s not hard to see why she wouldn’t want to stick around. He’s lazy and disrespectful and you just know that if you ever let this relationship continue for the long term, you’d find yourself doing the bulk of the household chores, child raising, pet care, and all the rest while he makes excuses and plays video games.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m a gamer myself, but I also know how to put the game down and take responsibility for my own stuff. Good relationships are equal partnerships and he’s clearly not got the memo. So get out of it now and leave him to his own mess.
You deserve so much better.” QueenGuinevereKitten
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… and I would be wanting to know why his ex is so desperate to get away from him… I did this with a guy once, met someone who was trying to go through the courts to get access to his kids, all he needed was some ‘help’.
He used to be unkind to me and blame it all on his stresses. He turned out to be incredibly abusive, and he was to his ex too, that’s why she wouldn’t give him contact.” MissKLO
9. AITJ For Telling My Best Friend Her Career Choice Isn't Realistic?
“I (23F) adore my best friend (22F), she’s a kind and thoughtful person, but something she has always massively struggled with is school.
I’ve never seen anyone struggle as much as her, she has had tutors for every subject (plus medication for ADHD) yet barely managed to finish.
She’s been wanting to start university, and she told me she wants to get a degree in architecture from a specific high-ranking university.
Now, in our country, there is a type of standardized test that you take to get into university, and she would need to score at least 80% on this test to be accepted. She studied hard for the test and got 12%. She told me she wants to try again until she gets it right.
Now, I believe a real friend should tell you the hard truths and not what you want to hear necessarily. I told her that from my experience university is 10 times harder than what we studied in school, and the math she struggles with in this test is nothing compared to what she will need to get a degree in architecture even if she’s accepted. I told her that I think she would be wasting a lot of time, money, and grief on a choice that is not realistic, and she should probably consider a different direction for her career.
She was extremely hurt, told me that she believes in herself and she can do whatever she puts her mind to, and now is refusing to talk to me. but I honestly don’t think I was wrong in what I said.
So, AITJ?’
Another User Comments:
“Coming from a person who talked a friend who was terrible at math and science out of trying for an engineering degree – YTJ. I also believed that I was helping her. But the world will crush peoples’ dreams for them. You could have kindly and gently encouraged her to look at other career avenues “just in case” she couldn’t pull off that 80%, but it’s not your job as her friend to tell her what she can’t accomplish.
As you can see, it doesn’t work. It was with the best of intentions though so you’re still coming from a place of kindness which is fair.” oldclam
Another User Comments:
“I have ADHD myself. I’ve definitely done things I didn’t think I could do and accomplished things I was told I couldn’t.
My husband had some more serious struggles with school. He really struggled in university, and I told him bluntly that we either needed to put some big support in place or make a new plan. He dropped out of university and is in a technical college now, and he’s doing really well because it just works better for him.
There’s a difference between being blunt and being a jerk. You can tell hard truths without being a jerk about it. And there are some truths that don’t need to be said (i.e. “you aren’t very attractive”). I think your friend may need to change course, like my husband did.
I think that as long as you didn’t say “you’re too stupid to do this and you just need to quit,” then you’re NTJ.” Scary-Baby15
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Being a friend is looking out for one another, not just telling them what they want to hear.
With university itself she won’t get an opportunity to just “keep doing it until she gets it right”, the test is presumably there for that purpose. She needs to find a way to study harder/smarter so she can get the test done next go, not after several failed attempts.
But I’m not sure, 12% is a heck of a long way away from 80%. That suggests she lacks a significant amount of the knowledge the test covers, and if the test is indeed just a generalized “pre-entry check” that doesn’t bode well for university itself.
Also, architecture as far as I am aware is a pretty complex academic study. There’s a ton of maths involved. If she wants to try again I’d ask her what her strategy is beyond “I’ll just keep trying” – like she needs a plan, a specific plan to breach that kind of gap.
Telling her that repeatedly just throwing herself at the test until she passes isn’t a wise strategy or investment of her time I don’t think makes you a jerk.” BoomTheBear86
8. AITJ For Feeling Overwhelmed And Used By My Pregnant Wife?
“My (M29) wife (F29) and I have a 2-year-old child and my wife is currently 7 months pregnant with our second and final child (snip snip is being scheduled for me).
We own a home and I’ve worked full-time since I was 18 (college did not work out for me). I make decent money (60-70k) and have always been responsible with money (investing and preparing for retirement 401k + employer match).
My wife quit her job to become a SAHM for our first child as my job has bonus earning potential and her job had no career growth options unless she got her master’s degree.
She eventually got a remote job and worked 10-15 hours a week while I worked remotely from home as well full-time.
About 6 months pass. She wanted another kid so badly (I was overwhelmed with what we already had but have always caved to what she wants)
She gets pregnant on our first monthly attempt then quits her job at about 2 months pregnant because she feels overwhelmed and stressed. I tell her it’s fine but honestly, it’s not. My single income is not enough to pay all the bills. We have savings but they’ve been eaten up since she quit.
I do everything in my power to be the best father for my child I can be.
Since she was born I’ve been a better dad than I had and want to stay as involved in her day-to-day life as I can while working.
I do bath time, take part in story time, and play with her during my days remote when I can. I spend weekends taking her out of the house to give Mom a break because I know raising a child is insanely hard.
Currently, our house is always a disaster, I clean on my breaks when I can but I can’t get everything done and still work full time.
My wife is on her phone most of the day and the toddler watches TV (which is fine). I don’t dare ask my wife to clean anything because I’ll be torched and she will accuse me of not pulling my own weight or that she’s pregnant and just “can’t”.
All day every day I work and my paycheck disappears the second it gets deposited to pay bills. I am doing everything I can but it’s not enough. She feels I am not doing anywhere near enough and wants more. I offer to do ubereats etc to make more money.
She says that’s just me not wanting to spend time with her. She doesn’t understand that we are losing our savings and I’m close to bone dry and would have to start pulling stocks that I’ve invested in (not 401k).
I’ve noticed this post is rambling but am I wrong for feeling used and overwhelmed?
Am I a horrible husband and is my wife in the right? Am I at fault for this? I’m so tired and defeated.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. “She wanted another kid so badly (I was overwhelmed with what we already had but have always caved to what she wants).” You should not have caved about the 2nd baby without fully explaining the financial problems it would bring; now you’re complaining.
I must say my first thoughts on reading your post were that she could have post-natal depression; some cynics are suggesting checking out the paternity of 2nd baby – I doubt she would have the time, or energy even IF she had the inclination. You’re both tired, you’re hoarding financial details to yourself, she’s part uninformed and part pregnant-oblivious to anything outside that.
You both need to TALK – to each other and counselors.” dragonsfriend-9271
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Not at all for feeling the way you do, but for not being honest with her. You’ve been building up resentments against your wife and not communicating with her to give her a chance to address them.
She deserves a chance to hear your grievances and work on things, too. Instead, it sounds like she’s airing her upsets and you’re staying silent and letting your anger build. Furthermore, what kind of a relationship do you have that she’s not aware of your financial situation at all times?
That sounds incredibly unhealthy. It sounds like there are things you both need to work on, but you can’t start working on things as a team until you start behaving like one. She needs to know everything. I get that she’s pregnant and hormonal, and likely very nauseous right now, but she deserves to know how you feel and where you stand financially.
Tell her you feel stressed and unappreciated. Tell her you’re broke. Budget together. Maybe there are places you can cut corners, or less stressful ways for her to bring in income. Whatever it is, you should be doing this together, and communicating, or both of your resentments will likely tear you apart.
Best of luck, OP. I know it’s hard, but you clearly love her. You’ve got this.” IlianaNovic
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you need to sit your wife down and have a serious conversation with her about contributing. As someone who has been pregnant and is currently, I know how hard it can be to have the energy to do things but if she has the energy to be on her phone all day and not even give her child attention (having them sit in front of the tv all the time instead) she can be an adult and clean a little.
Things are not going to get any easier once the next baby comes around, more children tend to mean more work and she can’t keep pushing everything off onto you. I would suggest taking the Uber Eats job and ignoring her comments about not wanting to spend time with her.
She can’t decide to be jobless and expect your income to cover all 4 of you on your own as it stands right now, it just isn’t realistic. You should also start standing your ground and not giving into everything she wants.” xInsomniCatx
7. AITJ For Being Upset My MIL Visited Our New House Without Permission Hours After I Gave Birth?
“I, 30 F and my husband, 35M just purchased our first home together and are expecting our first child in May.
After a long labor and some complications, our sweet girl was born. My MIL kept calling my husband while I was giving birth demanding to come upstairs. My MIL and I have a great relationship but she lives in a different state so her visits are short and we’ve never had any issues.
She flew in for the birth of her first grandchild.
Now I understand she was excited but my husband said multiple times we’ll let you know when you can come up. We decided it would just be us in the delivery room. She kept calling that my husband had to eventually shut off his phone to which she started blowing up my phone (which I realized after the birth).
Finally, I had enough, and about 45 min after our daughter was born I told my husband it was ok for her to come up because I knew she was excited.
She meets her granddaughter and after 15 min says to my husband can I have the keys to my new house please?
(She will be moving in the winter to live with us since she wants to be close). My husband immediately said no and she was angry. He said you can come over when we get home. There’s no rush now.
After spending an hour or so she left and went to our house.
Our ring doorbell alerted us there was motion outside and my husband called her to ask why she was over there. She said she wanted to see the house and asked if we could unlock it (we have an electronic lock that opens the door from anywhere).
My husband felt backed into a corner and obliged. She spent about 15/20 min inside the house looking around. Both my husband and I were upset because she was told no and still went behind our backs. It was not even 5 hours after giving birth and I told her that we should’ve been there and not gone behind our backs.
She stated her son purchased the house and she’s his mom and can come and go as she pleases. I quickly corrected her that we both purchased and paid for the house so it’s not just his. She didn’t like that and said I was trying to block her from moving in and being selfish.
She said it’s no big deal and I’m overreacting. So… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Seriously don’t let her move in with you, She can get an apartment or hotel. You’re going to have to work on firming up boundaries… Every time she’s told ‘no’ she pushes until she forces a ‘yes.’ That’s super toxic.
This is going to be very hard to nip in the bud, Your husband’s constantly going to be pushed into a corner. Do not let her move in, you’re going to get steamrolled bad.” Escape_Overlander
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She can pull out her mom card when she’s in her own darn house.
You aren’t overreacting. That’s your HOME. She really just showed up without a plan and expected to be given the royal treatment? Hours after you gave birth? She’s out of line with that entitled attitude she’s peacocking. If she’s this bold and this dismissive of you now (again, mere hours after you gave birth) I’d hate to see how she acts later when you’re trying to parent your child.
I’m sure she can be a lovely person (when she gets her way). However, the way she’s acting right now demonstrates a lack of empathy and respect for both you and your husband. She called you selfish? GTFO with that. I’d seriously reconsider the offer to have her move in.” BeerAnBooksAnCats
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. DON’T DO IT!!! Stevie Wonder could see these Red Flags from space. This will ruin your marriage and your mental health. Remember in these situations before someone actually moves in you usually see the best side of them. That means that all that drama and craziness you dealt with will get much worse once she is living with you because she will get more comfortable and the longer she lives with you the more stuck you will feel.” imabeast9000
6. AITJ For Babysitting My Nieces In My Own House Against My Partner's Wishes?
“My (28F) partner (27M) and I have been in a relationship for 3 years. We live together in my house (he doesn’t pay any rent) and we’re child-free. Last year, my sister and her family had to move back to our city for a job relocation and they have 3 kids in elementary school.
They’re currently really struggling with bills and finances, and daycare is expensive.
I love spending time with my nieces so I told my sister I could watch them after school since I work from home, and they get off work late. My partner didn’t want anything to do with babysitting them but I told him I wouldn’t expect him to help out.
I thought it’d be fine since the kids and I hang out on the first floor. I pick them up from school, give them snacks, and then they usually watch TV in the living room, play games, and do homework while I work in my home office in the next room over and keep watch.
Sometimes they get a little loud but just a simple shush and they apologize and go back to whatever they were doing. They’re fairly well-behaved and my partner usually stays upstairs in the bedroom where he has his own office. They only stay for about 3 hours until my sister can pick them up at 6.
After a couple of months, my partner said he didn’t want me to babysit my nieces after school anymore because he feels like they are over too often. I told him that I was the one babysitting and they don’t even go upstairs or bother him at all.
I also like spending time with them and helping my sister out. I said I wasn’t going to stop babysitting them. He thinks I’m being a jerk for not taking his feelings into consideration because he’s introverted and would rather have an empty house.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. 1. He doesn’t pay rent. 2. He doesn’t do any of the babysitting. 3. HE DOESN’T PAY RENT. This is a grown man, trying to call the shots on a house he is living in for free. Because telling you to not babysit isn’t compromising he is trying to force you.
What you are doing is the compromise. Keeping the children near you and making sure they aren’t loud.” PersonalityFuzzy3361
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re an amazing sister and aunt. Your partner sounds like a controlling jerk who doesn’t want to share you with your own family.
Being an introvert is not a valid excuse for him, either. Not for this behavior. He pays no rent, either? Just hangs out in the office while you babysit? I also question how much work he does around the house based on what little I’m getting because it’s setting off red flags that make him sound like a friend’s husband.
I have to ask, what if these were his nieces? Bet he wouldn’t have a problem, then. If there’s any chance this relationship will go beyond where it is, he has to accept, now, that family is super important to you, which it sounds like it is, and learn to deal with the fact that yes, the kids love their aunt just as much as you love them.
They’re not bothering him, so why should he care if his personal space isn’t being invaded?” leannmanderson
Another User Comments:
“Does he work from your home, too? He could figure something out to leave for the time they are there. I understand how he feels.
I wouldn’t want to be in a house with three little kids either and once you are over it any noise they make is just going to send you right to 10 on the irritation scale. But there is a financial aspect to this. I don’t know if he pays any bills or provides anything and I don’t know if not paying rent is somehow offset in other ways.
I am not sure how much that matters though because even if it works out financially 50/50 you are doing this because family is important to you. They sound very well-behaved. It’s kind of about long-term goals. I understand you are child-free and maybe you wish to stay that way.
I guess you have to work out what’s important to you. I’m leaning more towards NTJ but also see his side. I think he may be surprised if he felt you were an equal couple and you’re really not due to you owning the home.
But that makes sense. He’s just had his way for a while now. If he had to go out and start paying rent the idea of having those kids in the house for three hours a day would seem like a good deal. I think in the end it’s your house and your decision but this probably does make apparent that your relationship may need to be more clearly defined and he may not like that.
That would be okay with me I think unless this was the person I knew I wanted to be with forever and I already considered it “our house,” and not “my house.”” dog_star_
5. AITJ For Not Taking Sides When My Fiancée Accused My Sister Of Ruining Her Wedding Dress?
“My sister Amy (F27) and my fiancee Sam (F28) used to be friends.
So both are competitive…to say the least, I don’t know when the friendly competition became a contest of who is the best at this or that. But that’s the reason they aren’t friends anymore.
I started seeing Sam before this fight, so I could hear both perspectives unintentionally because both of them wouldn’t stop talking about it.
I never took a side, I knew it’d only tear us apart so I stayed neutral.
I proposed almost a year ago to Sam, and we’re planning on getting married this September to have an “Autumn Wedding”. The funny thing is that Amy offered to help with the preparations, but Sam wanted to do that from the beginning, so they agreed to divide the work 50/50.
Sam offered Amy to be her bridesmaid (not even I know why, but she did). And along with the other bridesmaids and my mom, went to get Sam’s wedding dress. They found it, and it was beautiful but Amy (as my mom says) was not interested at all.
Didn’t give her opinion and just went along with the other bridesmaids.
The next day I took Amy and part of the bridesmaids to get their dresses. Sam had ordered them already so it was time for the fitting. Everyone was ok, except for Amy’s, hers was too big and it looked different from the others.
So we asked for a smaller size and made some changes to it.
Fast forward the dress arrives, and now it’s too small. She couldn’t even try it on, and the store told us they won’t be able to make another dress similar because they don’t have time.
I took her to different stores to find at least a dress of the same color. We found one but it’s pretty different from the rest.
Sam saw it and refused to let Amy be a bridesmaid if she was gonna dress like that. Amy responded by saying that if she had asked for the right measures then this wouldn’t be a problem.
Then Sam mentioned she had gained weight so that’s why the dress didn’t fit. And then they started fighting. Sam said Amy wanted another dress to outshine her, Amy said something about Sam’s dress being ugly.
I intervened and pulled them apart, I asked them to stop it.
Amy’ll stay with her current dress since there’s no other option. Sam looked upset and then we went home. The next day Sam was looking for her dress she had left it at my parents so we went to get it, only to find it ruined. Someone had thrown black paint on it, and even cut some of the pieces out.
The dress was in the guest room’s wardrobe so anyone had access to it.
She immediately blamed Amy for it, but I found it hard to believe since she left before us that day. Sam told me no one else hates her more than her, and again I said she wasn’t here so how does she have time to do all that when it only takes 10 min to walk from the room we were at, to the exit.
She called me a jerk for not defending her and be always on Amy’s side.
This went bad and my MIL has been texting me, along with the other bridesmaids, calling Amy terrible names and me a jerk for not being on Sam’s side.”
Another User Comments:
“The butler did it in the pantry with the candlestick. Is that what you’re saying? Seriously – of course your sister did it. Who else had access and had an axe to grind? Seems like you’re always taking your sister’s side against your fiance:
1. wedding dress; Ignoring the obvious that your sister destroyed the wedding dress.
2. staying in the wedding party: ‘telling’ your fiance that your sister is staying as one of HER bridesmaids even though she doesn’t want your sister after the bridesmaid dress mess.
3. insisting that your sister can wear a dress that is different from everyone else’s – which you and she seem to have orchestrated.
How/why did your sister’s dress end up being different? She’s the one who gave the measurements…is it possible she deliberately gave the wrong measurements so that she would get a different dress and stand out? And you helped her get a new dress…is this dress so much nicer/different that your fiance was upset about it?
At every turn, you undermine your fiance and take your sister’s side. Your fiance deserves better. YTJ.” Bruiscear
Another User Comments:
“Well, if the story is real, OP you’ve got other problems than a petty “who do I side with.” If the story is real, your sister or your fiancée is unhinged and did something really scary, crazy, and dangerous.
Forget about the jerk thing. You are underestimating the seriousness of what happened. The culprit just did something psychotic and must see a psychiatrist ASAP. If you think your fiancée did it to frame your sister, call off the marriage. If you think your sister did it, get her in a car and get an emergency session with a therapist to see if it’s worth escalating.” Floriane007
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You’re being objective but so is Sam. Who else besides Amy would mess with her dress? I get what you’re saying that Amy left before you did, but she could have gone back at some point right? Or maybe someone else in that household doesn’t like Sam.
I agree that Sam is right that Amy is the most likely culprit, but you’re right that it COULD have been someone besides Amy. Are either one of your parents highly partial to Amy over you and Sam? Because this reminds me of some nightmare MIL stories I’ve read.
I think you should apologize to Sam and tell her that while it’s fair to suspect Amy had a hand in it, you’re also worried it could have been one of your parents as well. It was THEIR HOME it happened in. So Amy is not the only possible suspect which is all you were trying to say.
Ask Sam to think back objectively if she’s felt any hostility whatsoever from anyone else who lives in that home besides Amy. Explain to her that while you understand why her mind went to Amy first, it is very possible that one of your parents (or some other occupant of the home or even a visitor of the home) did this as well in the time she was away from her dress.” jammy913
4. AITJ For Not Publicly Announcing My Pregnancy At Work?
“I am almost 4 months pregnant. My husband and I have not made any sort of public announcement. I feel it’s still quite early, and mostly we don’t want a lot of attention and scrutiny from my husband’s family, who are nice people but can be very intrusive.
The only person we’ve told so far is my own mother, who doesn’t even live in the same country.
But over the last two weeks or so I’ve started to look pregnant, and yesterday a coworker asked me outright. I confirmed that yes, I was pregnant.
Word got around our workplace and now a few people are upset with me because I didn’t tell them directly. My supervisor outright said that she thought we were close enough for me to mention it at least to her if not the rest of the team.
I explained that I hadn’t told anyone yet and that I didn’t really think I needed to make an announcement to people that I see on a regular basis, because obviously, they’d notice eventually (as they did). But I’ve been told that this is rude and alienating and that I should’ve said something before it became obvious.
AITJ? Is this a cultural faux pas that I didn’t know about? (I’m French but I live in Louisiana.)”
Another User Comments:
“Girl, No. NTJ. First, the person who outright asked and then spread your personal medical information all over the office is definitely a jerk.
Second, I have a history of miscarriage so when I got pregnant this time we didn’t tell anyone until I was 6 months gone. My manager knew at the 4-month mark so he could plan for my leave, but I didn’t feel it was necessary to share until we were certain this was going to continue and we would end up with a healthy baby.
Any day now! I’m sorry this happened. As someone who keeps things pretty private, I know how frustrating it is. I also struggled with the concept of an “announcement.”” Nyx_is
Another User Comments:
“First, CONGRATS!! Second, nobody is entitled to know about your pregnancy except you, your husband, and your doctor.
However, when that coworker asked you and you confirmed, you really should’ve told your supervisor too. The company has to be prepared to replace you on your maternity leave. I don’t know what is your job but finding a new person is hard, and then all the training and adjustment to the job itself takes time.
Again, congrats on the new baby!” ExpressionMundane244
Another User Comments:
“As someone else said, unless I physically see someone with a baby halfway out of them, I will never ask them about their pregnancy/baby. It is your private medical information and it is up to you when and how you tell people.
No one has the right to ask you or be angry with you for how you deal with your pregnancy. There could be many reasons you weren’t telling people. Perhaps you’re a surrogate. Perhaps the baby has an illness and isn’t going to make it.
Perhaps you’re not pregnant and it’s a cyst. Perhaps you are pregnant with a healthy baby you’re ecstatic about, but it’s your private business. NTJ. Your colleagues need to get out of your uterus and mind their own business. When it comes to the pointy end and you’re absent from work, then they can worry.
That’s the only point your pregnancy has any impact on them at all.” flickansomkomundan
3. AITJ For Leaving My Surprise Birthday Party Because It Wasn't Mini Golf?
“I (20M) love minigolf. All my friends are aware of this (I keep asking them to come and play).
Last week it was my birthday and I was really hoping they would finally surprise me with a minigolf surprise party.
First I celebrated with my family, and later on, my friend Lester (19M) asked me to come over to his house (he lives 3 blocks over).
And there all my friends were to surprise me! I was so happy until I heard the bad news. We weren’t going mini golfing, but instead, they booked an actual golf course. I was just so mad since I specifically love MINI golf, and I don’t really like regular golfing.
It felt like they never listen to me or something. So I got mad and left the party. Apparently, they still went golfing without me, which makes me even more mad.
Now they’re all acting like this is my fault, even though they are the ones who made this (massive) mistake.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Yeah you’re kinda the jerk… they still went out of their way to do something special for your birthday and it’s not like they were that off. I get there’s a big difference between the two but I hope you didn’t make a fool of yourself while leaving.
Also, kind of the jerk for being mad they still had fun without you when they probably already spent the money and made those plans.” moonmama95
Another User Comments:
“When you have a problem communicating with others. One of the first conflict resolution methods you need to learn is PRESUME GOODWILL.
Got that? Now let’s look at the situation again. Your friends wanted to do something nice for you and they accidentally picked the wrong nice thing. Do you still think it’s the right thing to simply up and leave? Which is why: YTJ. Now there are some caveats here: Suppose the thing they took you to was deeply offensive or against your core beliefs.
Even when our friends’ intentions are good, it would still be ethical to bow out. Suppose before or even during the event, the decision not to go mini-golfing turned out to be a deliberate rejection of your desires. At that point, we lose the presumption of goodwill and you could probably bow out.” NobodyEspeciallyCool
Another User Comments:
“For Christmas one year, I got my partner all the items he needed to make trail mix for himself the way he liked it (raisins, milk chocolate M&M’s, and lightly salted nuts). HOWEVER, I made a critical blunder and instead of almonds (what he wanted), I bought peanuts (what I like in my trail mix).
To make matters worse, I individually wrapped four separate containers of peanuts (his big gift was the Wheel of Time on Kindle so I was running out of things to wrap for him to open). It was horrible after the first box of unwanted peanuts was opened and my mistake was made known when I knew three more were waiting to make things even worse.
HOWEVER, my partner was really cool about it and just had a laugh so with that as my moral compass… YTJ.” Chub-boat
2. AITJ For Not Changing My Home To Suit My Partner's Preferences?
“Last week I (26M) got into a fight with my partner (27M) cause he said I don’t give him the space he deserves at my place. He stays with me almost every weekend and most of the time he complains about the way my roommate (28F) and I live.
For example, my roommate and I are completely fine with our wifi connection, but he says he doesn’t like it and that we should change it, and when I said no, he got mad and told me that I don’t care about his comfort and that I should try to put him first instead of my roommate.
The same thing happened with the pets we own, he doesn’t like that they live inside the house but I love it and so does my roommate. I reached my breaking point and told him that he doesn’t get to decide the way things get done at my place, it’s just up to me and my roommate cause we are the people living there, he got mad and told me I always put her first.
I always try my best to make things as great as possible for him when he’s there, but I feel like he doesn’t understand that there’s a boundary and he’s crossing it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No. NTJ. He’s actually being fairly controlling and manipulative here.
I’m betting he didn’t even offer to chip in for the WiFi to be changed to the way he’d like it to be. I mean… sure you should look out for his comfort, but that means food that he’ll be fine eating, not designing your home around his preferences.
Even if he lived with you, he’d still only get a partial vote and what you want would count also. You’re not choosing your roommate over him. You’re choosing YOU over him. Please be clear about that. Your right to choose, your right to have a setup that you like in a home that you live in, etc., and so on.
You’re choosing YOU. When he’s pushing what he wants for a place that he only visits on the weekend over the preferences of the people who live there? He’s saying what you want isn’t even EQUAL to what he wants… he’s saying it’s less than.
Pay attention to that.” animaniactoo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He doesn’t live there so it’s ridiculous for him to demand space. Also, presumably, you and your roommate split the Internet bill, so it’s only reasonable that you and your roommate decide what level of service you want to pay for.
On the other hand, if he’s not happy at your place, then he might decide not to hang out with you on the weekends, which is his prerogative.” Cohomology-is-fun
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Usually, I say guests should be comfortable in one’s home. But he has a relationship with you.
He probably does not contribute to the Internet so whoever pays for it, gets to decide if it should be changed (I have to admit, does he not like the WiFi name? He can always choose not to connect to it.) It is your living space.
It seems like staying at his place over the weekend is out of the question. But this is also a good way to test out living together. Hopefully, these two things can be compromised at some point, if needed.” crbryant1972
1. AITJ For Banning My Daughter From Visiting Her Father's Family Due To Recurring Lice Infestations?
“My name is Stephanie (38) and I have a daughter (14) who loves going to her grandma’s and seeing her cousins, she loves them. But I’m no longer allowing her to go over to any of their houses.
Her father’s side of the family has always had a problem with HEAD LICE.
Every time she comes back I have to treat her hair while her family on her father’s side do nothing to their children’s hair. They always give it to her! Back in November, I spent 6 hours on her hair. While her aunt and uncle didn’t even bother to do their kids’ hair.
So around a week later, she asked to go back over there, her hair was nice and clean and there wasn’t any sight of bugs. Yet I find out when she comes back over she is INFESTED.
This has been going on for around 2 years and I’m done with it.
She got it again today and it was bad. Nobody else in our house had it besides her. And her cousins ALWAYS have lice. I texted her father and her family on her father’s side that she is allowed to call and FaceTime but she is no longer allowed at their house.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! I got lice from a now EX friend while in school and because my culture doesn’t allow us to cut our hair except when mourning a spouse or child, I was infested for almost an entire YEAR! We had to get MEDICATED shampoo!
I remember leaning over the sink while my mom helped wash my hair, and having to tap out because I couldn’t breathe and my eyes were watering from the shampoo, BUT THEY WERE DROPPING LIKE FLIES!” KandyShopp
Another User Comments:
“INFO. How long is she there and what is she doing?
Just going to a person’s house for a few hours is NOT going to result in a person becoming infested with lice. In order to get it that bad they would have to share hats and beds (sleeping in a bed someone else had slept in recently with lice).
Even leaning back on a chair isn’t going to cause a person to become infested, although they may pick up one or two. As such I’m thinking she may have had the lice before because at 14 most kids don’t do the things little kids do (hat sharing) that spread lice.” exotics
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