People Feel They Know Best In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Denying My Unemployed Sister Access To My Car?
“My sister and I are still living at home with our dad at the moment, and I’m the only one with a working car.
I work, and she’s unemployed, so she really just uses the car to go to the shop or a friend’s house, but we live out in the country in Ireland, so it’s still a 20-minute drive to get anywhere important.
I’ve paid the tax and insurance out of my own money and paid for fuel most of the time.
She’s paid maybe two or three times in the last five months. I didn’t mind at first, but it’s really getting to me how she just grabs the keys and leaves whenever she wants and then acts like I’m being controlling when I try to keep the keys on me.
I feel like I’m justified here. I don’t have to let her use the car at all. It’s under my name, and I’ve paid for everything besides maybe 50 euros’ worth of fuel.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your car, your rules! Petrol/diesel is getting more and more expensive as well.
Do you have her down as a named driver? If so, at your next renewal, it might be a good idea to leave her off if she continues acting so entitled.” MysteriousWays10
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your car — she needs to work around your schedule.
Which means she needs to schedule her use in advance and/or ask your permission for each use. Keep those keys close. This is not controlling, this is a healthy boundary.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she wants equal rights to your car, she needs to come up with half the current value, plus half of all associated expenses (fuel, maintenance, insurance, tax… right down to car washes).
Otherwise, she should get used to asking politely and returning it with at least as much fuel as it had when you allowed her to borrow it.” maddiep81
21. AITJ For Not Telling My Friend's Partner My Whereabouts After Lunch?
“Today, my friend (20F) and I (19F) went out for lunch. I have a driver’s license, so I drove, and she was in the pillion seat (motorbike). Her partner saw us on the road, I think, and immediately called her to complain about it.
Apparently, she had not asked for his “permission” to meet me. It turns out she had told him that she was going out, just not with whom.
He then called me to ask where I would be going after having lunch with her, and I told him upfront that he didn’t need to know and that I don’t owe him that information.
Of course, he blew up my phone with texts about how I’m helping his partner (my friend) be unfaithful to him and whatnot.
My friend is really distraught and thinks that I should have just told him, but I personally didn’t feel comfortable sharing that information with him.
AITJ for not disclosing where I was going after having lunch with my friend to her partner?”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely harsh, but what I immediately thought I would say in your shoes when your friend wanted you to answer him: “You can let him control your life, but I won’t let him control mine.” NTJ and your friend needs therapy or, like, a shock collar that zaps her whenever she hooks up with a piece of trash.” nollerum
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s a controlling, manipulative jerk. It sounds like he’s already begun the process of emotional abuse and intimidation. She should really look at her behavior and how it’s changed since she started partnering with him. She didn’t use to need his permission to go somewhere, and now she does?
Red flags all over. You are her friend, not his friend.” muhanX
Another User Comments:
“Has your friend considered that she might have an anxiety issue that needs professional treatment? Victims of abuse sometimes continue to gravitate toward abusive people when forming new relationships because this kind of treatment is familiar to them.
Familiarity breeds comfort and a certain human inertia to change or go into the unknown. It requires major effort to break free.” imapohtato
20. AITJ For Uninviting Family From Our Wedding Because Of Dog Drama?
“My fiancé and I live with my brother and sister-in-law in a 4-bedroom house.
We have one dog each! Not long after we moved in, we let our dogs outside to play in the yard, and our neighbor’s dog jumped our fence and attacked our two dogs. My dog, since then, has been hyper-aggressive with unfamiliar dogs to the point that I can’t take him out in public safely.
I enrolled him in training classes to help him so we can have a normal doggy life. We were all told by my dog trainer that we could not have unfamiliar dogs in the house or get new ones until she gave the OK. My roommates (brother and sister-in-law) decided they don’t want to wait until we get the green light from our dog trainer and are calling rescues to try to get on a waiting list for a puppy.
I have told them several times that this will not end well and that I’m not okay with this because I will have to re-home my dog.
The first time they did this, my father, who is also the landlord, told them no. Now he has decided it’s not his problem (fair) and that I should just abandon my dog even though he was here first (not fair, in my opinion).
My father has always played the very obvious game of favorites between my brother and me.
We are getting married very soon, and my partner and I have decided we are tired of constantly having to deal with the battles just to have a healthy and normal home, and we don’t want any of them at our wedding.
His mom is on my side, but my future father-in-law says it’s just a dog and that we are jerks for uninviting people so soon to the event.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I wouldn’t say uninvite from the wedding, but have a serious conversation with them by saying that their dog could potentially get killed, and if they do, have the option to keep the dog in your room until they get the OK.
But I bet there’s more than just a dog issue to uninvite them.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Weddings are a reflection of your life, so if you were estranged from your family or wanted to be, then by all means, uninvite them. But you live with your sibling in a house owned by your father — how would you even manage that?!
NTJ about the dog, though — they already have a dog yet want a puppy when they know it will traumatize yours further. That’s bad dog ownership for the puppy too, who might get attacked.” Original-Winter9334
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I just got married to my wife last month, and some family members made our life a living heck when it came to planning/inviting, etc. Trust me, do not invite these people if you feel they will add unnecessary stress to the amount of stress that the planning itself is already putting on you.” [deleted]
19. AITJ For Excluding My Best Friend's Homophobic Husband From My Wedding?
“My (23f) partner (25f) and I plan on getting married. I found out something perturbing about my best friend Amy’s (26f) husband (29m) Jeff.
I’ve known her for over 6 years now. We have considered each other family, closer than our blood family, for years, and I thought I was fairly close with her husband as well. I just found out the other day that he has some… choice words about my relationship and orientation.
They got into a fight because Amy had my partner and I over last week. Amy and my partner are also very close; she considers her family as well. She told me the other day that after we left, she had gotten into a fight with him.
Apparently, he said “I don’t know why you’d want to sit there drinking with some weird freaking lesbians,” and upon her asking what he means by that, he went on a whole rant about how she needs to find “regular” friends, and hang out with “normal” people.
Jeff is problematic, but I’ve always set my differences aside, and we have gotten along pretty well for the most part, despite how I feel about how he treats her. He’s highly controlling. I will continue to be civil and get along while he is around, mainly for her sake, but when it comes to terms of my wedding, I don’t know if I want someone there who thinks of my love like that, especially on the day in which I am supposed to be celebrating it.
I feel like I may be the jerk because I want her to be IN the wedding, and if I did invite him, I’m sure he wouldn’t cause any issues openly, and not inviting him would cause more of them. He would most likely take it out on her, and she would have to fight tooth and nail to be in my wedding.
But the thought of having somebody who’s openly homophobic towards me behind my back at my wedding, especially when we’ve known each other for years, sickens me. On top of that, he’s apparently trying to get her to find new friends that aren’t “weird freaking lesbians”.
So, WIBTJ for not inviting him to the wedding and still having her in it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Talk to your friend. She told you about the fight. She isn’t hiding or making excuses for his behavior. This sounds new to her like he brought it up out of the blue.
So ask your friend what she thinks about not inviting him. Maybe she’ll be relieved. Also, if he has never behaved like this before and this is such a change in his personality, then maybe mention getting him checked out by a doctor. Sudden drastic changes in personality can be a sign of a medical problem.” Usual_Database_884
Another User Comments:
“That is a dilemma but you really answered it yourself. You know there will be a lot of drama and consequences if you invite only her. And you know he will likely behave if you go ahead and invite him. So it just comes down to how you really feel about Amy.
Yes it sucks to have somebody like that at a wedding. However, it’s not really a new problem. Many, if not most weddings have to include people they’d rather not. Often people that are deeply opposed to the wedding. You at least have the benefit of knowing he would ‘behave in public’… I also agree that more may be going on here, especially if it’s a surprising change in behavior.
) Talk it over frankly with Amy, then decide. The choice is yours, good luck and congratulations.” Snoo_7492
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He probably doesn’t want to go. Can you talk to your friend and tell her your concerns and collaborate on how to do this?
Maybe if she said you’re off the hook to him, he’d be happy to go do something else. If your friend feels uncomfortable with that, I’d think of that as your friend’s +1. A control freak would love to create a wedge between you and your friend as he’s already shown you, so this might be a time to just pretend you don’t know what you know.
Having said all this, it’s your wedding so if you don’t want negativity, disinvite him!! Just recognize this will likely put a lot of stress on your friend.” HR-Puffenstuff
18. AITJ For Complaining About Neighbors Smoking?
“We live in an apartment building, and our neighbors smoke so much that we are hot-boxed in our own apartment daily.
One of them smokes inside their own apartment, and the smell and smoke fill the hallway and get into our unit; the other one stands in the enclosed stairwell with the door cracked open, and we get hot-boxed from the other direction.
It’s insane. The smell is horrible, and it’s disruptive because of how strong it is. Sometimes, I can’t breathe without coughing while walking down the hallway to leave the building.
My husband thinks we should stay out of it because the neighbors already seem to be unstable people.
They call the police on each other every other month and have screaming fights pretty often. He thinks they’d retaliate somehow. Plus, he thinks it’s something we can just deal with by airing out our unit. I WFH, so I have to deal with it all day, while he only encounters the issue a few times a week.
Also, this apartment is smoke-free, so they aren’t allowed to do it already; complaining could get them fined.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Like someone else said, if it’s a multi-unit complex, just make an anonymous complaint to management/landlord. As long as you’ve never been obvious about your problem with this issue, they won’t even know, and maybe they’ll finally stop if they’re facing fines.
I’m not saying you should be a doormat for people’s crappy behavior, but your husband is sort of right when it comes to those “type” of neighbors. If they find out it’s you, they potentially could make your already bad situation worse. Knowing the housing situation in my country, people can’t just be leaving places easily (because there’s nowhere else to go), so you have to tread carefully.
I’ve lived in multiple apartments over the years, and in my experience, you can start out polite and try to address it with them, but they’ll probably ignore it. You’ll stew and get angrier that they took your politeness and blew it off. Then you can take a more confrontational approach, and “trashy scream fight people” will just meet your level of confrontation, and it could get potentially dangerous.
I’m a pretty big tatted-up guy, but I’m not bulletproof or knife-proof, or for that matter, fist-proof. Crazy people out there are willing to do crazy crap to you over the stupidest stuff.” gatorfan8898
Another User Comments:
“INFO: Is recreational use allowed where you are?
Is medical use allowed where you are? Is nothing allowed where you are? Also, what is the terminology of the laws where you are? About 4 years ago, my state passed a very poorly written “medical” bill; but since it is “medicine,” they are allowed to smoke in non-smoking apartments and areas.
Where, if we had just passed a recreational bill, they would not be allowed to smoke it wherever smoke is prohibited, like in drive-thrus, apartments, etc., etc.” Mundane_Marsupial_61
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m a smoker myself. I even have a medical prescription for it.
My upstairs neighbour complained about the smell in their unit from me smoking in the bathroom (tiled room, fan, etc., so best spot to not smell up the house). I immediately stopped and started going downstairs outside. I have no right to smell up my neighbour’s apartment, so I stopped right away.
I’d lodge the complaint. I doubt they’d know it’s you if you have other neighbours. You have a right to enjoy your apartment as much as theirs, and the smell and smoke are just really not cool.” MissKrys2020
17. AITJ For Demanding My Money Back When My Mom Funds My Brother’s Gaming PC?
“Last July, I (25f) moved out from home to move to my partner who lives around 3.5 hours away. Before that time, I always helped my mom out with money.
Over the years, it became an amount of more than 1k euros. It never really bothered me, but of course I thought about the money in some situations. My mom (55f) doesn’t earn much money, but she earns enough to take care of herself and my little brother (JP 17m).
JP’s only thing to do besides school is playing on the computer. He starts when he comes back from school and stays up until around 3 a.m. He’s getting aggressive towards my mom if she tries to lower his consumption, and she basically gave up.
Now my mom’s computer died, and he required her to buy him a gaming PC so he can do his “school work,” ignoring the fact that there’s still a functioning notebook in the house. To avoid a fight, she bought the PC and actually took out a credit for it (1k euros) that she’ll pay off in 3 years.
He said he’ll pay her back when he has a job.
My best friend would have a job for him that requires work on Saturday and Sunday from 8 a.m. to 1 p.m., but he doesn’t like the hours because he likes sleeping in and thinks that he can choose a schedule by working in a grocery store.
I know him, and I know he won’t do a job that actually requires working. My mom will tell him he has to pay for it, but he’ll get away with it after a while.
My mom always favors my brother and always got him what he wanted regardless of whether his behavior is terrible or not.
I’m now actually fed up and thinking about telling my mom that I want all my money back by the end of the year and that I will never help her out with money ever again, since she can do things like that just to have JP be quiet.
WIBTJ for that?”
Another User Comments:
“INFO: Is this money you initially told her she would have to pay back? Is this something you have been keeping track of between you with her intending to compensate you? Honestly, I don’t feel your brother impacts this; favoritism or not, you no longer live there and his influence on spending isn’t your concern.
Your mother can learn to stand up to him properly or go into debt on her own. I think it’s perfectly reasonable to deny any further financial aid to them, as it’s not your responsibility to fix this. Things get a little iffy when it comes to a deadline for being paid back if this was not anything that had been discussed before, though.” Veldrin_Dalharil
Another User Comments:
“If your mom can afford a new gaming computer for your brother when there is a working laptop in the house for school work, she doesn’t need financial support from others. You ask for financial support for basics like rent and food, not for luxuries like a gaming computer.
Yeah, I know, she bought the computer on credit and not with your money, but she will have to make monthly payments on that computer, she will miss that money, and she will most likely come to you to get you to compensate. Also, that computer will end up costing a whole lot more than its actual price, given that she chose to pay it back in three years; she is putting a lot of her money into interest payments, only so your brother can play video games.
Whatever is going on between your mom and your brother is not your business in the sense that you are not the mother and head of the household; she is. However, if your financial support to your mother enables her to make bad financial decisions, that is your business, especially if you are the one she would turn to in order to fix her financial situation when her bad decisions catch up with her.
It sounds like she is willing to take the risk of being in a bad financial situation because she is counting on you to rescue her.” Gombacska
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ because while I can understand frustration and definitely wanting to get your money back, you cannot dictate what she spends her money on.
She did not borrow money to pay for his PC. You indicate she has lost control over the boy. Has he shown violent tendencies? You said he had gotten aggressive. Is she scared to say no? She’s the one who lives alone with him and has to put up with his attitude.
That has to be very stressful on her, not even factoring in the money issue. Maybe see if you can try to rein him in and get him off your mother’s back. So if I understand, she owes you 1k euro? Are you hard up for money currently?
Does she have the funds but is just dragging her feet in paying you back, or does she just not have it available? If she DOES have it, great. Tell her you need it to pay for something. If she DOESN’T and you are comfortable, aka not in need, then perhaps have a serious discussion about your concerns.
If you want to be generous, you could tell her you are writing off her debt BUT due to her actions, you will never lend her money again. That way, she doesn’t have hardships but you won’t have to lend her any money period.
Do you have any male relatives who could talk to your brother? He really needs to step up and help his mother.” Cutiekiller2022
16. AITJ For Refusing To Remove My Cat For A Birthday Party?
“I (24f) have been friends with a girl that I’ll call Hayley (24f) since high school. For a few years, we didn’t get to see each other much because we went to college on opposite sides of the country, but I moved to her city last year, so we really got to catch up with each other.
Hayley will be turning 25 in a week, so we – along with some other friends – started planning her birthday party a while ago. She wanted to have a rather big party so that she could invite all of her friend groups, but we couldn’t find anywhere to have it and she lives in a small apartment.
I, on the other hand, have a house; it’s not that big, but it’s big enough to host the party. So our friends started bringing it up and said that we could throw the party at my house.
I was fine with that. I did find it kind of weird that they were the ones to bring it up because I personally wouldn’t suggest throwing a party in someone else’s house unless they were the one to suggest it, but it didn’t really matter.
So I said yes, my only conditions were that the party didn’t turn into chaos, that no one got too intoxicated, and that they helped me clean up the next day. Everyone was fine with that, so we agreed on it.
Yesterday, Hayley sent me a text to tell me how many people would be there.
That’s when she asked me if I could get my cat out of the house for the night because one of her friends from college is allergic. I told her that I didn’t have anywhere else to leave him but that I could make sure that he stayed upstairs while we were downstairs.
I also told her that my cat is very shy and easily scared, so there’s no way he’d get close to her friend.
She then told me that I could just leave him at my parents’ house and then go back to get him the next day.
My parents’ house is about an hour and a half drive, and there’s just no way I’d drive a total of 6 hours in one weekend. I told her that it really wasn’t possible for me to leave him with my parents but that he would be locked upstairs and I’d deep clean the house to make sure there’s no cat hair anywhere.
I also told her that she should’ve told me earlier and I could’ve found another solution, but now the party is in less than a week.
She told me that I wasn’t being helpful and that I was ruining her party, and she’s been complaining about me to a lot of our mutual friends.
I told her that I had no obligation to let her have the party at my house and that I kindly accepted to do so, so the least she could do was to be grateful. She hasn’t replied since. Most of our friends agree with me, but I also feel a bit guilty.
I don’t know if I’m in the wrong here, and I don’t know what else I can do.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!!! One of her friends suggested you host the party at your house. You generously agreed. Your friend knows you have a cat and less than a week before tells you to get rid of your cat for the party because one friend is allergic?
Then gets mad at you because you won’t drive 6 hours in addition to hosting her party to accommodate her? Then she starts trash-talking you behind your back to mutual friends and telling you that you weren’t being helpful?? One, she’s not your friend because friends don’t treat each other like this.
Two, I think it’s time to tell her that you won’t be hosting her party.” Chloet5759
Another User Comments:
“Never open yourself up to legal liability! If the friend with the allergy died, you could get sued with them saying you left the cat there even when knowing about the cat allergy.
Also 25-year-olds always get out of control intoxicated. If you served them booze and something bad happened, you could be held liable. Time to find an alternate location. Try local ethnic clubs for venues. Or even a room at a restaurant.” Legitimate-March9792
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re NOT in the wrong here. If you deep-clean the house and leave the cat upstairs, the friend should be fine. If they’re as allergic as your friend is implying, though, deep cleaning wouldn’t be enough (it would be helpful but her allergies would likely still be triggered), and the friend just shouldn’t come.
Either that, or help find a new venue for the party. It’s your house and you’ve tried to be accommodating (you’re nicer than I am; if someone else decided there would be a party at my house, I probably wouldn’t agree, let alone deep clean).
If your efforts aren’t enough, maybe it’s time to just not host anymore.” AllAFantasy30
15. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For A Room I Didn’t Use?
“A couple of months ago, five of my friends and I planned a holiday together for Berlin. One of my friends, let’s call him James, decided it would be easier if he booked all of the accommodation and we sent him the money for it.
We all agreed to this, and I planned to pay for it at the end of the month after I had gotten paid. However, a week before the trip was to begin, I was no longer able to attend. However, I promised to pay in full for my part.
However, this is where my other friend, Peter, gets involved. He was part of the original planning of the trip but decided he could not afford it and was thus not included in the booking. However, once he heard that I was unable to attend but was still paying for the room that James had booked, he said he wanted to go.
Naturally, everyone agreed that he could, so I didn’t pay for my part, assuming that Peter would cover it. He did not. The trip went off without a hitch. However, upon return, James asked me when I was going to be able to pay him back.
I was confused because I hadn’t gone on the trip and said that it was Peter’s responsibility, which made Peter very upset. He said that because I had agreed to go on the trip and had cancelled with such short notice, it was my job to pay for it; as if he hadn’t decided to go, the room would have been empty and a waste of money.
He argued that because I make more money than him and he couldn’t afford to pay for the accommodation, it was my fault, and I shouldn’t have planned the trip if I couldn’t keep my promises.
I would have no problem paying James for the money he spent on the room if it had remained empty, but the fact that Peter saw that as his chance to have a cheaper holiday is causing me to refuse.
As a result of this, James is no longer talking to either of us, saying he will once we can start acting like adults and someone pays him the money. Am I in the wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You agreed to pay if you were attending and also for the room when you couldn’t attend after it was booked. That is more than fair.
You didn’t agree to subsidize Peter. Peter is really not a decent friend. It’s pretty bold of him to expect he doesn’t have to pay, given the others going were paying. He has in effect slighted everyone involved. You because he’s expecting you to pay for something he used. Your friend organising because they are now out money they shouldn’t be and the others who attended because they’ve had to pay for the holiday but Peter thinks he is special and gets things for free.” 83poolie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What a ridiculous mess. You should have confirmed beforehand that if Peter was going, you weren’t paying even though that’s obvious. If Peter didn’t want to pay, he should have confirmed before he left on the trip rather than trying to take advantage.
James, if he expected you to still pay, should have gotten the money from you upfront. He didn’t; that’s on him, and Peter is the one who actually used the room. You didn’t agree to cover Peter’s cost. I would clearly tell the group that if they want to subsidize Peter, that’s on them; they can sort it out as they let him come with them in your place.
If they wanted you to pay for him, they needed to confirm that with you beforehand, which they didn’t.” similar_name4489
Another User Comments:
“Going out on a limb, saying ESH. I mean, you should pay for the room because it’s no one else’s fault you can’t make it.
Personally, if it was me, I would be happy to let one of my friends go in my spot if the reason they couldn’t go was not being able to afford it. I mean, if Pete can’t afford to pay for it, he’s not going if it’s not free.
So you would end up paying either way. It seems a bit petty to let your room go to waste. However, I do think they should have asked you first if it’s okay for Pete to go in your room since he can’t afford to pay or at least pay what little he had towards it.
Not very good communication between you and your friends.” Chill-Skill
14. AITJ For Telling My SIL That She’s Not Owed A House?
“When my husband and I got married, his parents (divorced but still best friends) bought us a house as a wedding gift. I think it’s relevant to say that my husband and I have been together since we were in high school, and his parents are good friends of my family.
My FIL has been remarried since my husband Lee was in middle school, and his new wife, let’s call her Patty, brought along a daughter Lee’s age into the marriage. I’ll call SIL Eli for simplicity’s sake.
Eli has always had an involved dad and doesn’t have a father-daughter relationship with FIL.
Her dad is well-to-do, but he has five other kids, so he’s not able to be as generous as my FIL is with Lee, who’s an only child.
Eli’s getting married in a month, and she came over out of the blue yesterday to rant because she “found out” that FIL isn’t getting her and her fiancée, Dora, a house for their wedding present.
Lee and I listened to her and Dora’s rant, but Lee got upset and had to excuse himself after Dora started mentioning that FIL might be homophobic.
I told them plainly that they were being ungrateful because FIL is covering their two-month-long honeymoon expenses and paying for a portion of their wedding—he only did the latter for Lee and me.
I also added that FIL and MIL paid for the house together, so it wasn’t all him. And that Patty didn’t help whatsoever, despite being Lee’s stepmom, but that’s not relevant, I guess?
Dora and Eli both got mad at me and said I was defending a bigot, and stormed out, and since then I’ve been “asked” not to come to the wedding.
Patty sided with Eli and is now not on good terms with my FIL, who’s upset and feels like his contributions aren’t being appreciated.
So AITJ for telling my SIL that she’s not owed a house?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, Eli and Dora are off their rockers.
Sounds like FIL is very generous in general, and I can imagine how hurt he must feel that they are so unappreciative. It is your business because Eli included you in it. You’ve been uninvited, so accept that with grace and move on. You haven’t done anything wrong, nobody is owed a house, you’re lucky you got one, and it was very generous of both MIL and FIL, Patty should realize that she didn’t help out with buying her stepson a house; why would she expect her husband to buy his stepdaughter a house solo, which isn’t even what he did (as he went in with the other parent) for his own son.” Meriadoxm
Another User Comments:
“If FIL doesn’t think they are in it for the long run, he’s smart not to buy them a house, even without all the other factors. I have a plan, in the unlikely event I win big at lotto. I want to get my kids houses when they are ready to leave home, but I won’t put the houses in their names.
If I did, a partner could potentially claim half the house in the event of a split, even as soon as two years into the relationship. As I also want my kids to work for things and just not be given them, I would work out a deal whereby they rent to own, paying me fortnightly/monthly rent to gradually pay the house off.
Since they are my kids, and I love them more than my own life, I would make it a really generous deal, with no interest and probably a hefty discount. At some point (I’d work that out if it ever became a reality), I’d put the house in their name, when I feel that they and their partner have paid the majority amount towards the house.
If the two of them split up after that point, then at least I’d be okay with the partner getting half the house when they’d spent years contributing towards it. Obviously, details are to be worked out, depending on things like the length of their relationship, etc., but I’d want to make sure a partner of only a couple of years doesn’t walk away with half a house that I paid for.
I’d also have to make sure they were protected in the event I passed away before putting the house in their names.” regus0307
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the villain in this scenario. Eli’s sense of entitlement is baffling, especially when your father-in-law has already been generous.
You pointed out facts; if they can’t handle it, that’s on them. It seems like their priorities are all over the place, and they need to face reality. Families can be messy, but sometimes you have to call it how you see it. Your loyalty lies with your husband and his family; don’t apologize for that just because someone decides to throw a tantrum over unrealistic expectations.
Move on from this drama.” superbroes5
13. AITJ For Refusing My Partner's Demand To Let Our Newborn Sleep At His Mother's House?
“My partner and I have been together for 2.5 years and have a 3-month-old. I am a first-time mom. He has a 12-year-old from a relationship in high school. We live in my house.
I am the co-owner. I’ve been back at work for a month now and have started working longer hours. I’m salaried and work in the service industry. He doesn’t really work his 40 hours and is usually at home by 2-3 p.m., with weekends off.
We rely on my mother for childcare, as she lives with me, and she is usually still tending to her when he is here.
Because he doesn’t work weekends and I do, he decides to take her to his side of the family, in particular, to his mother’s house.
She is a very sweet lady, very helpful, and I like to think we get along great. I have been struggling to make ends meet and have needed to depend on his help, but he’s had to borrow money from her to help with expenses because he doesn’t make enough money with his low hours and child support.
I do think it is important for her to have a relationship with her grandmother, but I refuse to let my daughter spend the night outside of my house. He thinks I’m being selfish and that I don’t like his family.
Am I a jerk for still wanting her to sleep in our house?
I am fine if he takes her during the day, but as soon as I’m home, I’d like to be with her because I miss her so much throughout the day. This matter has been the focus of many of our arguments these days.
He says she doesn’t need me anymore and that I should allow her to spend the night at his mother’s house. I breastfeed when home and pump at work so I have an established supply of milk. He says that because his mother gives us money, I should let her spend the night at his mother’s house, but I don’t think it should be a transactional agreement.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. 3 months is still young and it is right for the baby to be under your care at nighttime until you feel that she is old enough to tell an infrequent caregiver what her needs are in the night.
You are still establishing your bond and want her to know Mommy is there for her at night and take pleasure from being with your daughter when you are not working. Your partner needs to put your needs as a new mom first. And you’re right, financial help from family should not be transactional.” Squiggles567
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That’s still too young to be spending the night away. Also, saying she doesn’t need you anymore is absolutely not true – she’s barely past the newborn phase and absolutely needs her mother. Does he take her there every weekend when you’re working?
If so, why? Sure, building a relationship is important, but it makes me wonder if he’s having his mother do the parenting work while he’s there because he doesn’t want to take care of her solo. I could be wrong with this thought and I hope I am.” ellbeecee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! She’s a newborn infant. That you’re back to work and working long hours is more than you want to be away from her. She needs to be with you as much as possible outside of work. Partner needs a second job and to pull his own weight instead of relying on his mother.
Grow up! And why can’t he take care of her on weekends? I’d talk to his mother about it directly—Mom to Mom. You’re grateful for her help and glad that she cares for her on weekends, but she’s a newborn and you need to be with her as much as possible now.
Overnights will come eventually, but when you are ready. Lazy partner is the jerk here.” bizzybee824
12. AITJ For Telling My Father He Cannot Tell Me What To Do?
“I’m 21F and trying to move out. I live in England.
It’s been a long process due to some financial issues, but I’m getting there – I have an end goal in mind, which is good.
My father does not live with us. He works abroad. He and my mother are not on good terms but for some reason won’t divorce, just separated. He also has another family, which may add context.
I made the mistake of talking about me moving out within earshot of my mother a while ago. Ever since then, she’s been trying to manipulate me, not realising that the curtains have been lifted from my eyes. I see every word for what it is – a power play, an attempt to chain me to a toxic environment that uses me as a scapegoat.
When her final card, telling me to stay because I’m useless and can’t be independent and would be better off saving my money for a car instead of rent and bills, didn’t work on me, she called my dad to talk some ‘sense’ into me.
The call from him was triggering, but I pushed through and said I don’t want to live here. I hate that I’m either being taken advantage of or demeaned. He kept pushing, so in anger, I said I hate her. That he cannot convince me to stay just to slave away for people who don’t care about me.
I said I’d rather be in debt and pay my rent in money instead of paying it with my mental health as I’ve done my entire life.
He said, “Are you refusing to listen to your father?” I said, “Maybe you’d have a leg to stand on if you were here, but you’re working abroad, have another family that you don’t even live with either and are probably thinking about.
You’ve got enough on your plate, so please don’t bother with me now, my decision is set.”
He was furious and called my siblings in anger, ranting about me. They’ve not said anything really. My mother then got wind of what I said and has been badgering me ever since to apologise to him.
I admit I have been avoiding his calls because I was angry when I said everything. I’m feeling slightly guilty now for causing a rift.
AITJ for shutting down my father, arguing with him and telling him he cannot tell me what to do?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. OP, you need to get out of there as quickly and safely as possible. If you have a friend who might let you stay with them for a short while, that would be ideal. Once you’re out, I’d take a break from your parents and block them both, even if it’s just temporary to get yourself some breathing room.
I suspect they will try to use your siblings as a workaround for contact, so be ready for that. It’s really hard for parents to see their kids as anything but children, especially in abusive situations when you’re much more easily manipulated as a child.
When you start putting up boundaries and standing up for yourself, the abuse tends to intensify until you can cut them out. Good luck on your move – I hope you get out quickly!!” Discount_Mithral
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re 100% correct that your mother is manipulating you.
She wants you to stay, to help her with whatever or even just for the company. You’re an adult and you don’t owe your parents a thing. Now she’s asked a favor of your father, he obliged, and then he got an earful from you for his trouble.
So he is upset with her for bringing him into it. That’s why she wants you to apologize to him, so she can ask the next favor of him when the time comes. YOU did not cause a rift. She did, by sending him. Again, it’s not your fault that her last-ditch attempt at manipulation backfired on her.
Going low-contact or no-contact is an option. My parents separated when I was 8, divorced when I was 11, and by the time I was 18, my father was a useless heavy drinker living over a bar. I needed his signature on some college financial aid papers, and he had me meet him at the bar.
He offered me a drink, and then substances, and then made me give him my school address and promise to write to him. When I did, the 2nd page was a rant on him about how I needed a father, not a substance dealer. He never wrote again.
He died 5 years later and my brothers found that letter in his effects. I feel a little bad about it, but what I wrote was the truth.” 1962Michael
Another User Comments:
“Let me analyze this carefully. Your actions are understandable and justified for several reasons: You’re an adult at 21 years old, making your own financial and living decisions.
The situation at home appears toxic, with your mother attempting emotional manipulation. Your father is largely absent and seems to only get involved at your mother’s prompting. You’re making a responsible choice to prioritize your mental health and independence.
Your response to your father, while heated, was honest and addressed legitimate issues: His physical and emotional absence from your life.
The complexity of his own family situations. Your right to make decisions about your own well-being.
The guilt you’re feeling is common in these situations, especially when family members react strongly. However, setting boundaries with parents is a normal and healthy part of becoming an independent adult.
Your parents appear to be attempting to maintain control through: Undermining your confidence (“you’re useless and can’t be independent”). Using authority (“are you refusing to listen to your father?”). Emotional manipulation (getting siblings involved, demanding apologies). You’re not the jerk for: Standing up for yourself.
Making decisions about your own life as an adult. Expressing frustration with an absent parent who tries to exert control. Prioritizing your mental health over family expectations. While your words were harsh, they came after attempted manipulation and pressure from both parents. The “rift” wasn’t caused by you setting boundaries – it was caused by their inability to respect your autonomy as an adult.
How are you feeling about moving forward with your plans despite this resistance?” Sad-Direction6526
11. AITJ For Taking A Public Parking Spot Despite A Woman Claiming It For Her Husband?
“It’s a rainy Saturday evening.
I’m looking for a public parking spot on the sidewalk to get to a restaurant.
I finally find a car that’s pulling out of its spot, and as soon as I’m parking, a woman comes out of nowhere and says that her husband is coming to get the spot and that they were already there.
I was really hungry and in a rush, so for once in my life, I stopped giving a darn about giving her the parking spot as she shouted that she would get behind the car to get hit by me. When I managed to park anyway, she said that karma strikes back and more stuff like that.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The only way to hold a parking spot is with a car in the parking spot. It is, in fact, against the law for a person to try to save a parking spot for a car. I was surprised to learn that because I have saved a few spots in my life, stood there in the way, because my wife was having to turn around.
A cop explained to me that I could be fined, and I definitely didn’t have any legal standings.” R0ck3tSc13nc3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I had a similar situation a few years ago. A couple of weeks before Christmas, car parks were busier than normal, with lots of people driving around looking for a vacant space.
I eventually saw someone leave and drove into the now-free space. I was about 3/4 of the way in when a car approached from the other side. The woman driver indicated that I should reverse. I shook my head and continued to straighten up in the space (small car, so it was easy for me to be 100% in the space while her car was 5% in the space).
She got out of her car and came over to mine. I opened the window a fraction and was told “This is my space, you’ll have to move.” I politely pointed out that it was not “her” space; they all belonged to the council, which owns the car park and makes them available on a first-come, first-served basis.
With a filthy look of daggers, she walked away, saying, “I hope you get your car smashed,” to which I replied, “If it does, I’ll be giving your registration number to the police.”” Wooden_Opportunity65
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She should have asked the person pulling out to wait for her husband before leaving.
I would not mind that since I wouldn’t know until they made the switch. However, if the husband is behind you and the person pulls out, you are the winner; you get the spot.” crankoy62
10. AITJ For Refusing To Pay The Fake Cancellation Fee From An Unwelcoming Friend Group?
“My two other friends and I (all 17F) have recently cancelled a holiday with our OLD group of friends, which we cut contact with due to being blatantly ignored, feeling unwelcome in our own friend group, and a whole lot of other things.
When we cancelled our holiday, we promised that we would pay the cancellation fee since some of the girls were already complaining about not wanting to be left with our expenses. However, when I checked the website where we got our booking, I was informed that we were not eligible for a cancellation fee as we had dropped out of our holiday over a hundred days before the initial date.
When I told her that there were no cancellation fees and that all we would have lost was our deposit of $73.36, she insisted there was a cancellation fee when it obviously wasn’t, as I contacted our travel agent; they even told us that there would be no cancellation fee.
The “cancellation fee” in question was $46.47 from each of us. Their “cancellation fee” was actually the price of their own tickets going up due to five people going on holiday instead of eight.
When we informed them that we would not be paying for their own tickets going up in price – as we weren’t even going on the holiday anymore – they continued to insist that it was our responsibility to pay for this holiday and that none of this would have happened if we hadn’t dropped out.
However, actually, none of this would have happened if they hadn’t started treating us so poorly. The reason the price had gone up for them is that they wanted to keep the bigger room (in which we would reside), where they would be charged a low occupancy fee, which they have been disguising as the “cancellation fee.”
Are we the jerks?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Let’s break this down. You agreed to pay a cancellation fee if there was one, which is fair. But when you checked with the travel agent and the booking site, it was confirmed that no cancellation fee exists.
The only thing you’ve lost is your deposit, which is standard. What they’re calling a “cancellation fee” is really just the cost of their decision to keep the bigger room, which has nothing to do with you anymore since you’re not going on the trip.” Sweet-Moon-
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not responsible for covering the cost of their decision to keep the larger room or the resulting low occupancy fee. The situation has been confirmed by the travel agent; there is no cancellation fee, only the loss of your deposit, which you’ve already forfeited. It’s unreasonable for them to expect you to pay for their higher ticket prices caused by their choice.
You dropped out for valid reasons, and their behavior reinforces why you made the right decision.” Younggod9
Another User Comments:
“Honestly, this is just a situation best avoided. I realize you don’t feel you should be on the hook because they alienated you from the group, but the fact remains that they probably planned the expenses for the trip based on the number of people going, and that price has gone up on them unexpectedly.
If you reserved an Airbnb for $500 with four friends and they all dropped out on you, and you couldn’t get out of it, you’d be left holding a $500 price tag. That’s their experience. But – can they get out of it at this point? Perhaps the answer is for the whole vacation to be scrapped so that they can start from scratch planning one for the smaller group.
I don’t really feel we have enough to judge. I totally get that if you aren’t friends anymore, of course you don’t want to go on vacation with them. It’s kind of a lose-lose situation, I suppose.” owls_and_cardinals
9. AITJ For Restricting My Blind Wife's Ability To Walk The Kids?
“I have avoided having this conversation with my wife for years.
It has been obvious but not said that I don’t trust her to go out alone with our kids—not in our yard but anywhere busy. We live on a busy road, and the sidewalk is on the other side of the street. She is completely blind, and my kids are 4 and 7.
My seven-year-old is pretty self-sufficient, but my 4-year-old tries to run ahead and is a little bit of a flight risk.
She was telling me she cleans more than her share (she doesn’t work; I do), so I called her out on it. I cook every meal, sweep and mop the floors, and spend more time with the kids.
I work, and on top of that, I get the kids ready for school and walk them to school every day. She then said she could walk the kids to school, but I won’t let her. I told her, straight up, “No, I do not think it’s safe.” She knows other blind mothers, and I’m sorry—they are great in so many ways—but I do think there are some things that worry me about her being out in public alone with the kids.
If someone grabbed my daughter, she would have no recourse. If my son took off, she wouldn’t see where he went or be able to stop him. We live on a busy street, and she can cross it no problem, but it’s about having to stop my child if they make an error crossing.
When I walk my kids to school, I hold their hands; she has to have one hand on her cane, and I’ve seen my son pull away from her when we were out together.
I really am asking: Am I a jerk for getting upset that I felt she was unjustly saying she does everything and saying something that hurt her feelings?
Not so much for thinking the way I do. She has not talked to me since, and honestly, I’m mad too. I do a lot for my family, and being told I am not pulling my weight makes me angry. I don’t know where I go from here.
I don’t know if my anger and position make me the jerk or if it was justified for me to say the things I said.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. So she was talking about chores, and you decided to bring up your long long held feelings about her ability to care for her kids?
Of course you’re a jerk; that’s a low, dirty blow. It’s fine to have these concerns and to discuss them, but to bring them up in this context is rude. Honestly, it’s something I really dislike. You bring something up to a partner, and rather than discuss that, your partner goes into their hidden bag of gripes to air out essentially to avoid talking about what was actually being discussed.” pottersquash
Another User Comments:
“YTJ because what did you expect to happen here? You married a blind woman, made her a mother (and TWICE!), and now feel confident in restricting her ability to parent her children by using her disability against her. Did you expect her sight to suddenly come back?
Did you expect her to remain happily indoors, just taking care of chores and only doing things with the children when you’re around? If you were not ready to commit to marrying and building a family with a blind person, while understanding and accepting the extent of their disability and its impact on the daily family life you envisioned, why did you do it?
And you were not ready. “I have avoided this conversation for years.” Yes, anything can happen, and anyone can suddenly become blind and have to navigate a whole new experience. And that would bring about the same conversations you’re currently having, but they would be discussions, not orders.
You’ve avoided the discussion for years and then barked out an order.” sanguinepsychologist
Another User Comments:
“I’m not blind, nor do I personally know anyone who is, but it is my understanding that most blind people do retain some sort of vision; maybe they can discern lights and shadows, maybe they have just the tiniest pinhole vision.
However, at the end of the day, it is a disability. I know most/many blind people live full, happy, healthy lives, but at the end of the day, their ability to do tasks is more limited than that of sighted people, or they need extra tools/support to do some tasks.
All this to say that while I feel most relationships should be 50/50, this may be an exception. “I cook every meal, sweep and mop the floors, and spend more time with the kids; I work, and on top of that, I get the kids ready for school and walk them to school every day.” Is there a possibility that even if this is true, your wife feels she does more than her share because “doing her share” is objectively harder?
Walking your kids to school is something she feels she is capable of doing, but you “won’t let her” and then turn around and throw in her face that you do all of these things that she doesn’t do. I don’t know, maybe it’s not that deep, but if I was your wife, it would crush me to know that my husband thinks I don’t do my fair share and when I try to, I get told no, that I’m not allowed to because he doesn’t trust me to do something as simple as walk down the street because of a disability I have no control over.
YTJ.” Specialist_Badger934
8. AITJ For Insisting My Parents Repay Me $25K While I Live Rent Free?
“I’ve always dreamed of moving out of my family home because of all the drama I faced growing up with them.
I moved out around 2022, but somehow, my parents convinced me that paying rent somewhere else didn’t make sense when I could just live at home for free. As someone who wants to buy their own place one day, this made sense.
However, ever since moving back, I’ve been asked to pay for things that I was promised would be paid back.
It started off with just some random $200 here and there. But then it jumped to $1000 and eventually even $10,000.
Now, mind you, my parents and I live in a very well-off neighborhood in a house that has seven bedrooms with marble floors. So, from the outside, it looks like we’re very well off.
But my mom has explained to me a few times that they’re struggling to pay off the mortgage on this house and our previous house. I obviously thought, “Why don’t you just sell our old house?” But it is our childhood home, and it would be a shame to get rid of that asset.
I’ve asked politely about when I could expect my money back, but I would usually be responded to with “I can’t talk about that right now” or “It’s coming, just be patient.” That was a year ago. It’s hard to talk about this subject with them without them losing their temper.
To me, it just seems like they’re ignoring the fact that they have to pay me back, hoping that I’ll forget. I’m a student right now, and I pay for my tuition myself, and I work part-time. And I know I’m living in their house rent-free, but at this point, I’d rather just move out again than have these inconsistent promises and guilt tripping.
So far, I’m probably owed $25,000.
AITJ for pushing them to pay me back?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ $25k? That’s a lot of money. Simple life maths: where would you be if you had spent the same paying rent/utilities elsewhere? And don’t say style of living; that is a choice you must make between independence and lifestyle.
I’m all for supporting parents by paying fair rent and expenses, but there is a line which you need to decide on. It also sounds silly to have two properties they can’t afford. Depending on means, why not offer to have them transfer one to you with a proper bill of sale and pay them or pay off a bank loan?
They reduce mortgage debt, it stays in the family, and you get your first independent home.” KosmikZA
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ, but you’re not getting that money back. Breathe it in. Accept it. Make peace with it. It’s gone, and any further money you give them also isn’t ever coming back.
You’re in a tough spot. Though they don’t want to admit it, your parents are using you. They need you to fund their lifestyle, and that’s not going to change unless *they* change. This isn’t sustainable, and nothing you can do to break the cycle is going to be peaceful, so you need to accept that too.
Moving out is going to come with guilt trips, pleading, accusations and anger. Be prepared to shut it down. Learn to grey rock, say no, and end calls when they start up. You may even need to go Low Communication altogether for a while. If they ever come around to admitting they have financial problems, some good ideas might be to talk to a financial advisor.
Depending on what the problem is, they might not need to sell the home. There might be expensive hobbies they need to cut back on, or they might be able to consolidate their debt if there are high-interest cards in the mix. That’s their problem, though.
For now, you need to stop being their piggy bank and go.” tsukinofaerii
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Everyone here is convinced that they are trying to bleed you. Alternatively, consider that they did not realize that housing you as an adult for free was not financially feasible for them.
They’ve “borrowed” from you because they want to be the kind of parents who support you for free, and they do plan to repay you “someday” when they are in a better financial position, but realistically they have no way to pay you back at this time WHILE they are supporting you.
Honestly, consider that 25,000 dollars rent. You’ve been living there for 2 years, about a grand a month. In my area, you can’t get a one-bedroom apartment in the most slummy neighborhood for less than $1,000 dollars a month, let alone a nice place with marble floors in a good area.
Going through the legal system is legitimately the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. Even if you have documented proof that they “promised to pay you back” in every instance, they will just say that they thought you had an understanding, and they’ve asked you to cover some costs while living for free in their house and you paid it.
You need to make a very detailed pro/con chart. Chart out everything from the benefits like shared chores, and the costs like groceries and even the value of your location (convenience for work/school, etc). Make a realistic budget of what it would cost you in money, effort and time to live alone.
If you want to make this work because the benefits of living with them outweigh the costs of living alone, then you come up with what is a feasible “rent” and stick to it, even if your parents are desperate for money. “I can give you X on the first, but I don’t have any money until the first.” Realistically, you don’t even have to tell them your “rent budget”; just set it aside and give it to them as needed. Be ok with it being gone forever because it is.
If they cannot make peace with this scenario, and will be continually after you for more money than you can feasibly afford, to the point where it would make more sense to live elsewhere – then obviously, you need to live elsewhere.” seabrooksr
7. AITJ For Calling Out My Housekeeper For Eating My Special Panettone?
“I live in Brazil. It’s a tradition that we eat something called Panettone (it’s like a sweet bread/cake thing) here around Christmastime. I’d gotten a very delicious, kind of pricey chocolate-stuffed one as a gift and had been eating a small piece a day for the past, like, 7 days – and was saving the last one for this morning, to have it for breakfast.
The housekeeper who works here at our apartment (let’s call her “Sheila”) has been here for 3 years, and she comes 3 times a week. We’re good friends and get along very well, though she does have a very strong personality – I won’t get too much into that.
So, today, as I woke up, I was heading to the kitchen to prepare my breakfast when I noticed the Panettone box in the trash can; I lamented out loud how someone had eaten it (thinking it was my mom), but Sheila said it was her.
I said I was going to eat it this morning, that I had saved the last piece for breakfast and, next time, that she should ask before taking the last piece, and that we could have shared it. Sheila told me she saw the package on our dining room table, figured she’d eat the last piece, and got upset with me for saying I was going to eat it, like I was accusing her of something (which I wasn’t).
She said how upset she was about it being about food, how she is generous when it comes to other people, how she tipped Uber drivers, etc., and insisted she was right and I was wrong.
To be clear, I never yelled or anything; I just told her that next time, please ask before taking a piece of something special or different like that, and said we could have shared it.
But it didn’t matter how many times I said that, she kept insisting I was wrong, that I ruined her day, that she hadn’t had breakfast when she got here, and that I need to apologize to G-d for being selfish.
We don’t have any restrictions here at home when it comes to food or anything else, and she’s always more than welcome to help herself to anything we have; that’s never been a problem.
I think things got blown very far out of proportion – I just pointed out that next time, she should just ask (when it comes to something special and different that we rarely have at home like that). She kept getting more agitated and making a huge thing out of it, insisting I was wrong over and over again.
I just got surprised at seeing the Panettone package in the trash bin, mentioned I was hoping to have the last piece in the morning, and asked that next time she check with me – and I said it all calmly, ready to move on with my day after that.
So, AITJ for being upset?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. In general, it is a known rule of etiquette to not eat the last of something at someone else’s place unless the host insists it’s OK. Though, I guess that because you told her she is free to eat some things at your place, that’s why she thought it was OK.
My guess is that she did not register the Panettone as something ‘special’ and thought she could serve herself as usual. That would be just a misunderstanding if it wasn’t for her berating you! Couldn’t she just say, ‘Oh, I did not realize it was special to you, my bad, I’ll think about this stuff next time’?
That, and the fact you said she has a strong personality… she just seems unwilling to accept fault. Not a good person.” Dear-Shion
Another User Comments:
“I’m in the US and know how my Brazilian husband is about his Panettone every Christmas. Sheila is in the wrong and is overreacting.
It isn’t her house; I would never go to someone’s home and eat the very last of any treat. And that’s as a guest – I think it’s worse she did it as an employee.” 3M-OBA
Another User Comments:
“Around Halloween one year, my parents hired their friend, a painter, to paint the inside of our home.
He ate most of my Halloween candy. My parents just laughed and brushed it off because they were friends, but I was upset. But I didn’t say anything. I’m glad you said something. People just take the weirdest things upon themselves sometimes, and I don’t get it.” [deleted]
6. AITJ For Leaving My 26th Birthday Because Mom Couldn’t Accept A Simple Change?
“It’s currently my 26th birthday and I had a run-in with my mum. I woke up and received my birthday wishes from my brother, mum, and dad, which was then followed by my mum asking what I wanted for breakfast because she had made pancake mixture.
I said that I just wanted a smoothie. I had my smoothie at the table with my brother as my dad was doing some garden work, and my mum was away. My mum sat down briefly, and I thanked her for my present and excused myself to go for a swim (it’s summer here).
As I returned from my swim with my brother, I went upstairs, out of sight of my mum but still within earshot and heard her cry because breakfast was not how she envisioned it to be. At this point, I was a little fed up.
There is a lot of history with my birthday and a lot of unspoken trauma that I had brought up with my brother but not my parents. Once, for example, I remember receiving leftovers for dinner and a two-year-old cake batter cake, which I found quite sad as compared to my parents’ and other siblings’ birthdays; it really felt like there was less effort applied to my birthday.
This has also been a complaint from my mother in the past, as the 15-year-old me didn’t make a big enough effort for her birthday.
After hearing her cry downstairs, I knew that I had another miserable birthday coming, so I decided to be proactive, pack my bag, and start driving to see some friends in a different town to make the most of my birthday.
During this, she made her way upstairs and was hurt by my actions at breakfast, as she wanted to have a “Mediterranean breakfast” with everyone at the table. I told her how I felt about my previous birthday traumas and how it felt like this one was going to be the same, which is why I decided to leave to avoid another sad birthday.
She was hurt by this, and all she wants is for me to be happy. There was maybe a one-hour break in between; I went downstairs to apologize that she felt that way but also to express that I still felt what I felt. The whole conversation fell on deaf ears as she then proceeded to tell me that the damage had been done, and there was some back and forth.
I tried to be the better person and fix my birthday, but my mum was not having it.
This made the whole situation worse. I feel lighter after getting these things off my chest, but it wasn’t well received.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your birthday, your choices.
Your mother is just PO’d that her vision of a perfect family breakfast didn’t pan out. If she wanted everyone to sit down and eat together, she should have communicated that at the time. She’s being a drama queen and you were right to call her out on it.
You’ve had a history of unpleasant birthdays and are entitled to spend the day as you wish. Happy birthday and I hope your day improved!” Pure-Philosopher-175
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Through the most generous lens I can, I believe that your mother genuinely felt that the breakfast not going how she ‘envisioned’ meant that she couldn’t make you happy (since, apparently, all she wanted was for you to be happy), and that upset her.
However, her reaction to your explanation of your trauma, and your later apology, was only to tell you how hurt she was, and that the ‘damage had been done’, not truly engaging or trying to understand where you were coming from, and certainly not giving you the same consideration you are giving her now by worrying that you’ve hurt her.
Ultimately, from what you have said, it doesn’t seem like she’s earned the courtesy of going through a celebration you don’t want for her sake, and you should be able to enjoy your birthday without it being made all about her. You telling her how you really feel about your birthday was an effort to reach out to her and help her understand instead of letting her feel hurt without addressing it—far from making you a jerk, depending on how you delivered your explanation, it’s more kind than anything else.
That she chose to take it personally and focus on how hurt she is, and not how it has hurt you, is an indictment on her.” lazybluepen
Another User Comments:
“You are 26, not 6. This is a habit in your family. You have options. Acknowledge that a birthday is really just another day and adults don’t need a reward for being born.
Or start making other plans for your birthday. Take a trip, make plans with friends. Accept that your mum is not ever going to give you the birthday that you want, so stop. You know she will make it all about her. In fact, simply tell her you aren’t interested in doing anything special.” Tinkerpro
5. AITJ For Marking My Ex-Roommate's Mail As RTS?
“I own a house, and at the beginning of 2024, I started renting my basement room out to my ex-roommate.
He was an awful roommate, was terrible about paying the rent, and was constantly “borrowing” money from me. I finally got him out a month and a half ago.
I don’t even want to bother calculating the total dollar figure because:
A) It’s my own fault for being a doormat for so long.
And
B) There’s no getting blood from a stone.
But suffice it to say, quick back-of-the-napkin math is probably somewhere in the $10k figure.
We’re up in Canada, where, until a few days ago, the postal service was on strike. My ex-roommate has reached out to me 4 times since he left. The first time was to ask to hang on to his mail, and the next three were to ask for money.
I gave him a thumbs-up emoji on the “hold my mail” message but have otherwise been ghosting him.
But that was before the sheer freaking audacity to ask me for more money after I kicked him out.
I don’t really want him to have any avenue to claim residence here, and I have already found a new wonderful roommate and changed the locks.
I am not in breach of any tenant protection laws for getting him out.
So far, the first piece of mail was medical in nature.
AITJ for marking it Return To Sender?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, or rather, justified in being one. The postal strike was not in effect in October, and doctors/medical professionals are among the first people notified of a change in address.
Additionally, any goodwill was burned with the first request for money, and incinerated with the two subsequent ones.” meltyzucchini
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s a user and abuser of your kindness and of your home. He doesn’t deserve anything more from or by you. He knows what credit cards, bills, and other important contacts are.
He can easily Google companies and contact them to change his address. He has the ability to rectify everything in his life, but he’s refusing to do so. That’s on him. You don’t owe him any more favors. ‘Return to sender’ is the perfect thing to do.
If you can put a note inside your mailbox stating ‘For xxxx and xxxx only,’ that should work for the most part. I’m in the US, and it works for me.” LoveBeach8
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Roommates hold onto mail when you leave on good terms. He’s lucky you didn’t throw it in the trash (a lot of people would).
If he has the audacity to ask for money after he left, he’ll probably never understand how inappropriate it was to expect you to store his mail.” Tally0987654321
4. AITJ For Letting My Partner Do Baby Duties While I Was Sick?
“My partner was sick last week, so I took on the extra workload to give him time to get better. I cooked, cleaned, and looked after our baby without complaint. This week, I picked up the same cold, so I haven’t been able to look after our little one, but I still cooked, cleaned, and got the house ready for Christmas.
Now he’s mad because he has had to do a few feedings (bottles) and wake up during the night. He’s very tired and cranky. Meanwhile, our dog has been sick as well, and I’ve helped him without complaint. Am I the jerk for getting sick?”
Another User Comments:
“These posts are getting ridiculous. I’m dying, so is my dog. I’m being made homeless and just got mugged. My husband has left me for my mum. Am I the jerk for not attending their wedding???” Tyf85
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – This is just part of being a parent.
You have to work together, and if one of you is ill, then the other picks up the slack. It stings when it happens, but that is the deal. Anything else is just wrong and makes someone a bad person.” scrotalsac69
3. AITJ For Snapping At My Brother's Fiancée Over Unwanted Parenting Critiques?
“I (35f) have 3 children (10m, 8f, and 5m) with my husband (36m).
My younger brother (29m) is marrying “Piya” (27f) in May. They’ve been in a relationship for a few years. While we’ve never been close, we get along okay, although I’ve never loved how she often oversteps with my kids (e.g., giving them dessert before dinner when my husband and I have said no, “joking” about how stuffy we are as parents, constantly referring to herself as “the cool aunt”, etc.).
Something important to note is that she works in fashion, which her parents often judge (comparing her to her siblings who have jobs that are considered much more “successful” in our community), so she has a bit of a complex about it.
Last night, we were all having dinner at my parents’ place.
The topic turned to my kids’ school/extracurriculars. My older son plays soccer, piano, and does karate, my daughter does classical dance, art classes, and swimming, and my younger son does classical singing and basketball. They all have extra math classes once a week.
For context: I regretted my parents not putting me in any activities when I was younger and don’t want my kids to feel the same.
My husband thinks it’ll teach them time management, and hopefully some of these hobbies will stick (right now, they enjoy everything, but this could change), boosting their college applications when that time comes. And obviously, we expect them to excel in school. All 3 can do well in their classes without effort, but we don’t want them to coast by and burn out like we did, so we are firm on them actually studying, doing homework, etc.
So anyway, my daughter is talking about which classes she has on which day, and Piya says something like “Wow, I can’t believe you keep them so busy—they’re just kids.” My husband is like “Yeah, it’s important to be well-rounded.” Then later, my son is talking about how much he studied for a math test and Piya goes “It can’t have been that important though, you’re 10!
You should tell your parents to let you relax.” At this point, I get a little upset so I’m like “We want them to build good habits so that they can actually be successful in the future. When you have kids, if you want to raise them to fail, that’s up to you.”
At this, she got really upset and left the room. I guess she thought I was implying that she was a failure (which was not my intention). My brother was pretty mad and thought I was being unnecessarily harsh and that I should’ve known how sensitive she is about this topic.
My parents agreed, saying that I didn’t need to take what she said so seriously. My husband disagrees and says that she doesn’t have any place to tell us how to raise our kids, and maybe this will stop her from constantly giving us her two cents on something she doesn’t have any experience with.
I don’t know, I feel bad for upsetting her because I never meant to insult her profession with my comment, but at the same time, I do kind of feel like she had it coming for her constant criticisms of our parenting. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Yes, she’s overstepping. She also has a point though… Balance is important for healthy development. I had one friend like this in middle school (parents hyperfixated on college admissions and a very full extracurricular calendar). In high school, as soon as she got an ounce of freedom, she became known for giving intimate favors to boys in the school bathroom.
My randomly assigned freshman roommate was the same, all Kumon and med school pressure. We were loading her into an ambulance with booze poisoning within the first month of college. You don’t have to like your sister in law. Don’t let that stop you from considering her perspective though.
Your kids may feel the same when they’re her age if you aren’t careful.” scrollgirl24
Another User Comments:
“ESH, but you more than her. She made a comment you didn’t like, big whoop. This comment overstepped so much more, ‘When you have kids, if you want to raise them to fail, that’s up to you.’ It was cruel.
From my POV, which you won’t care about, your kids are over-scheduled. Yes, success in life is important, but for a 10-year-old to do soccer, piano, karate, and an extra math lesson on top of studying is way too much. I say this as a 5th-grade teacher who used to tear my hair out over late and missing assignments from students.
I hope you aren’t overcompensating for your parents not putting you in extracurriculars. As far as being the cool aunt and undermining dinners, not cool but also not cruel.” Temporary-King3339
Another User Comments:
“ESH. She’s ridiculous and out of line. But you’re completely rude and your comment was unnecessarily mean.
You know it was, and if you have any self-respect, you won’t pretend you didn’t mean for her to feel she was a failure. You wanted to hurt her feelings, congrats, you did. At least be woman enough to admit it for crying out loud.
And your kids sound exhausted. Consider that they will struggle to make friends at this pace. You’re doing them no favors, surely there’s better balance.” RainbowBriteGlasses
2. AITJ For Kicking Out My Rude Friend For Criticizing My Cooking?
“I (27M) hosted a small dinner at my place for a few friends last weekend. I’m no professional chef, but I enjoy cooking, and I spent hours prepping a nice meal. Everyone seemed to like it, except for my friend “Mark” (28M).
From the moment he sat down, Mark kept making little comments like, “Did you forget to season this?” or “This is why I stick to takeout.” At first, I laughed it off, but he wouldn’t stop.
Eventually, he said something like, “Man, even a frozen pizza would’ve been better than this.”
That was the last straw for me. I told him, “If you hate it so much, maybe you should just leave.” He laughed, thinking I was joking, but I wasn’t.
I made it clear he wasn’t welcome to stay if he was going to keep insulting me.
He ended up leaving, but since he didn’t drive, he had to walk home (about 20 minutes). Now, a few friends are saying I overreacted and that kicking him out was too harsh, while others think he deserved it.
Mark texted me later, calling me “petty” and saying I made him feel humiliated.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t make him walk home. You asked him to leave because he was being rude to you in your home. He could have gotten an Uber, taken the bus, or asked one of your other friends to drive him home.
Sounds like he walked on purpose to make it more dramatic and get more sympathy for a situation he put himself in.” Luxecurves_
Another User Comments:
“What the heck…he was rude as heck! My partner’s mom and dad make chronically bland food (how is it even possible to make a curry that smells like curry but tastes bland?
How can one manage to make beef burgundy lack taste? What sorcery is used to make seafood pasta taste like nothing??)… And I always thanked them profusely for the food while doing my best to quietly season it to my taste. I eventually got tired of sneaking a salt shaker next to my plate and told them I just like my food “extremely” salty and “extremely” spicy due to the cuisines of the countries I lived in before coming to the US and pinned it all on myself for having “weird” eating preferences so I don’t look like a jerk every time I have to modify whatever they make so it’s palatable.
His dad now keeps two kinds of hot sauce in the fridge for me because of my “weird” preferences. I’d never ever tell them their food tastes like cardboard. They just genuinely have very bland, pale-American-people palates… My partner, who’s been exposed to more varied cuisine, agrees, but he’s used to their bland food.
When we go out, he fortunately goes for highly seasoned stuff.” EducationalSplit8876
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – nope. Screw that. Protect yourself, your home, and your expectations of respect in your orbit. Not only should you tell him to go screw himself and enjoy his takeout from now on, but the friends who think you overdid it should also be invited to screw right off and enjoy Mark’s takeout with him.
Very few, if any, of these friends will still be your friends in 20 years. People come and go from lives; Mark doesn’t sound like he’s worthy of the effort. Life’s too freaking short to put up with people… Especially the ones who feel a little too invited to crap all over your efforts.
A simple “Thanks, man” is enough. Two weeks later, he can tell you he didn’t love it over a beer and not in a crowd. You’d have both laughed it off. He’s the jerk here.” Additional_Effect_51
1. AITJ For Not Allowing My Husband To Go Overseas Again During My Pregnancy?
“I had my first daughter in 2020.
My husband was working overseas and planned to come before the delivery, but due to the Australian border being shut, he was unable to come. After a painful 1.5 years apart, we finally reunited, and he got to hold our firstborn.
I am pregnant again and have kept my pregnancy a secret from family and friends.
Only my parents and in-laws know. My parents will be coming from overseas when I am 30 weeks to stay and support me in my delivery. My husband wants to go overseas to see his parents for 10 days, but I don’t want him to go. He says he won’t be able to go this year once the baby comes.
But his parents are planning on visiting us once the baby is a couple of months old, so he shall get to see them this year anyway.
AITJ if I don’t want him to go? I will be 31 weeks pregnant, but I feel that after last time missing the pregnancy and delivery of our firstborn, it should be him not wanting to go instead of me having to ask.
He says that even his mum is telling him not to come, but he wishes to go.”
Another User Comments:
“I kind of wonder if he’s hoping to skip out in another 1.5 years on another technicality. He literally had the perfect excuse the first time, though it was out of his control.
This time, though, it seems like he’s going out of his way to let it happen again so that he can claim, ‘Oh, boo hoo, poor me,’ while you yet again do it alone. I’d tell him if he goes that he can stay there.
It’s pretty bad that his own mother is telling him to stay, and he isn’t willing to listen.” lakebluebutt
Another User Comments:
“Tell him, ‘That’s fine, go see mummy who doesn’t even want you there, but you may as well just save money as well and buy a one-way ticket.’ You did it yourself last time because you had NO CHOICE.
This is completely disrespectful behavior for a grown babyman. I want—I want… well, it’s not about what you want; it’s about OP and the baby. The lack of support is shocking. He is selfish, arrogant, and has no place being a father if he can’t put his child and wife before his own selfish needs.
The worst thing in the world is a single mother with a partner.” Mummybearkh
Another User Comments:
“On two occasions in my marriage, I had to be/should have been crystal clear on where I stood and the consequences if certain things happened due to my spouse’s choice.
My husband decided to take a trip to the boundary waters for 10 days during my third trimester, which at the time had no cell service, and I would have no way to reach him. I told him all the reasons I didn’t want him to go and my fears surrounding going into labor with our first without him.
He went anyway. I wasn’t crystal clear with myself on how much this would hurt me, how much resentment I would have towards him, because I didn’t know how much his willingness to leave his pregnant wife home alone for an optional trip would affect me until he did it.
Two children later, another situation arose that involved the potential health and safety of our children. He was determined to do something I felt uncomfortable with, and he downplayed my concerns. I felt he wasn’t really listening or hearing me. So I was very clear that if he made the choice to do X, and Y happened, I would never forgive him.
All the fault for any injury sustained by one or both of our children would lie with him. Our marriage would never recover and I would divorce him. I said this not in the heat of an argument but calmly and while holding his hand and looking directly into his eyes.
I asked him “do you understand?” He opted to follow my wishes and take the proper precautions. Sometimes, when the situation is extremely important, you have to be clear about what the consequences of your partner’s action will be, not as a threat or an ultimatum, but so you make sure your partner knows exactly how you feel and how serious you are.
So ask yourself if you would be able to forgive your husband if he missed the birth of your second child and if the answer is no, be sure you communicate that clearly. NTJ.” Treehousehunter
