People Jump At The Chance To Tell Their “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Feeling Used By My Partner Who Lives At My Place Without Contributing?
“I recently fell into a relationship you could say and I’m starting to feel like I’m being used for my place.
He was my DoorDash driver and he was living at his dad’s with his step family which he hated. Basically spent all his time away in his car until everyone was asleep. Meets me and starts coming over more and more which is fine.
Now it’s been 3 months of every day and night being here besides maybe 2 or 3.
He uses all the amenities and sometimes ignores my wishes like turn off lights and don’t use the air at this time or running the water for too long. He just rented a room 5 minutes away but still comes over here to “spend time with me” but ends up cooking his food, storing it here, doing his laundry, showering, etc. Wouldn’t really be a problem but now he refuses to “spend any money on me” because “I’m using him”.
At first, it was no dates because that was a waste but he’d help me out by picking things up for me and sometimes I’d pay him back sometimes I wouldn’t. Now he has informed me he will no longer be doing that because he feels like it’s a requirement to spend time with me.
Never said it was he offered. I feel like it’s a requirement for him to use everything without contributing anything. He buys paper towels, toilet paper, etc sometimes for my place but I feel like it’s because he knows he needs them when he’s here.
Meanwhile, he spends so much money on other things.
I would have to pay my whole rent and utilities even if he wasn’t here so I’m not saying he should be paying a lot but it just doesn’t sit right with me he doesn’t want to do anything to offset the imbalance.
Help please I don’t want to ruin something if I am completely in the wrong.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and listen to yourself and see the red flags all over this relationship. He says you’re using him, yet he is basically living with you, and not paying attention to your ‘house rules’ – which are reasonable AND it’s costing you extra money when he’s leaving lights, air, and water running on when they aren’t needed. How NICE of him to come over and “spend time with you” and get his laundry done for free, shower at no cost, only have to pay food costs not cooking costs, etc. And now he doesn’t want to pick stuff up for you, because it’s a “requirement to spend time with you.” In the place that you live, where he is choosing to spend most of his time.
This guy is seeing you as a free meal ticket.” TeenySod
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Either he contributes or leaves. He can’t cry you’re using him when he basically contributes nothing and mooches off you all the time. Now if he wants to be the one to clean and take care of the meals if he doesn’t want to contribute money, maybe he can.
Also, how did y’all start talking? I know he’s your DoorDash driver but other than sending a thank you message to my DoorDash drivers… I make no communication with them lol.” sunlightofourpast
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He moved himself right in without an invite. As a guest, he should be invited over each time, not assume he’s just coming over every day.
As a guest, he should ask each time he wants to use something that’s yours. But he’s made himself at home without contributing to rent. Honestly, he’s such an unreciprocating mooch, that I’d get rid of him. He doesn’t seem to know what boundaries are, and he is the opposite of generous.
These are character flaws you should not overlook. He’s not good partner material.” RulerOfNyaNyaLand
21. AITJ For Not Including My Sister's Name On Thank You Cards After Our Joint Graduation Party?
“My sister and I graduated college recently and our parents hosted a joint party. I went to school out of state, so it was my first time being around family and friends in a while.
Growing up my sister was much more community focused and she was always known as the kinder and more present sister.
It was a great party and my parents’ friends were very generous. After a few days at home, I went back to my new home.
On a weekly FaceTime call, my family happened to catch me while I was writing thank you cards. I had gone to a local stationary store and bought cards to mail thank you letters. On the call, my sister asked if I was attaching her name to the letters, to which I told her I had not.
I wasn’t doing this to be malicious, she talked about thank you letters when I brought it up when we were together. I thought she would mail letters of her own, but apparently, she threw the checks out after she deposited them, so she did not have the addresses to mail letters.
Since our parents’ friends were generous and both gave us our own checks, I feel as though it would only be right for her to write her own letters. My parents sided with her saying it was selfish to leave out my sister, given it was a joint party and it would take no extra effort to add her name at the bottom.
My parents are even suggesting I reopen the sealed letters and add her name before I mail.”
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ. Your sister needs to grow up and take on some basic manners – i.e., send her own thank you cards. Your parents need to stop enabling her laziness.
“My parents sided with her saying it was selfish to leave out my sister, given it was a joint party and it would take no extra effort to add her name at the bottom.” That is not the point. People took the effort to give her money that they had to earn – she can make a little effort and properly thank them.
I’m sure your parents have their addresses.” Dittoheadforever
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Write a thank you to your sister for all her planning and your parents for hosting. Before you mail out the cards, take pics of all the addresses and send them to your sister so she can write cards too, if she wants to.
(But calling nonsense that your mom/sis don’t have addresses already from mailing invites!)” Trick_Delivery4609
Another User Comments:
“First of all – good for you for writing thank you notes!! A lot of people don’t, and I think it’s kinda sad. It’s nice to acknowledge people who gift you with time or a present with a note of appreciation.
You should be proud! As for your sister – she needs to do her own cards. When I write a thank you note I write about what the gift means to me, or what it meant to me to celebrate with the person. Signing your sister’s name on them would be worthless because it wouldn’t be her ‘thanks’ you were expressing.
NTJ. Your parents are wrong!” Major_Barnacle_2212
20. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit My Domineering Sister's Kids?
“My sister has two kids ages 10 and 7. My wife and I have three kids ages 7, 5, and 2. My sister and I don’t interact very often, we were always distant and nothing changed for us as adults or when we had kids. I don’t like my sister very much and I say all this because I feel like it might be relevant.
I find my sister to be very domineering and tough to get along with. She doesn’t like compromise and believes berating people is an okay way to communicate with others. She’s also 4 years older than me so it doesn’t help with how she talks to me.
I don’t spend much time with her kids either. I wouldn’t say they’re strangers but I wouldn’t expect them to be the most comfortable around me or my wife either. They see us less than five times a year and sometimes that’s more at a distance than us actually talking to them.
What I have seen from my sister as a mom is someone who is just as domineering and controlling. She doesn’t like her kids eating anything junk food and doesn’t let them eat any kind of sweets. This has led to fights with other members of the family who had these types of foods out in their home and my sister didn’t appreciate her kids being exposed to them.
She also commented on my kids eating candy and I told her to go away and leave me alone.
Which is why when she asked me and my wife to take her kids after school on Fridays until 9 pm and all day on Saturdays (from 8 to 8), which will turn to two all-days for the summer I said no to her when she asked. She was more surprised than I expected and she told me I should want time with my niece and nephew and I should want my kids to know their cousins better.
I told her I had no interest in following all her rules so that wasn’t going to happen. She told me I could help them out, that it’s not her and her husband’s fault their jobs are now taking. And I told her it wasn’t my fault or my problem either.
She asked my wife who told her to speak to me. And I told her not to try and get around this. I told her it wasn’t going to happen and she needed to find someone else. She told me I was throwing away an amazing opportunity and I should be willing to help my family out.
Now I doubt my quick no a little because of this and I wanted to ask AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have no obligation to help, so you are 100% in the right. This is a case of making your bed and now having to sleep in it.
She has established herself as such a prickly intrusive person and it is now coming back at her. Funny how not being nice, being difficult, and being vocal about it doesn’t have people wanting to deal with you. It would be an amazing opportunity for her to fit in with the entire family by not being difficult, but she has chosen her path.” catskilkid
Another User Comments:
“Do not doubt your quick NO. You’re NTJ here at all. I think your sis is just in a bind and is overlooking the conflict this will cause, not to mention the MASSIVE favor she’s asking of you. It’s always wild when family thinks they can demand free childcare because “shouldn’t you want to see your nieces and nephews?” I don’t know… why doesn’t she take YOUR kids a few full days a week to get quality time with them?
Because she doesn’t want to. NTJ.” LostBody3801
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Putting everything else aside, this would take up more than half of your weekend. (I don’t know about anyone else but my weekend starts at 5 pm on Friday) This means that you can never make plans with your nuclear family without bringing tagalongs.
I mean even if you had a close relationship with them, would your kids want them coming along every time?! I think not. Maybe at first it’ll be fun but I can guarantee you, it will change. Why stress your family out? You did the right thing.
The only person this would be “an amazing opportunity” for is your sister. Enjoy your summer OP!” danceintherain2
19. AITJ For Refusing To Give Up My Bed For My Stepmother's Mom On A Family Vacation?
“My family, this would include my immediate family, my grandmother, my aunt and uncle’s household, and my stepmom’s mother all traveled out of state for a wedding. We rented an Airbnb and split up the rooms. My stepmother’s mom originally booked a hotel separate from all of us.
My youngest sister and I are always given the short end of the stick when it comes to family vacations. The last two big family vacations we have been shoved on couches, placed in rooms that lack AC, or forced as adults to share a queen-sized bed in the smallest room.
This trip they did not fail to keep the pattern.
My youngest sister and I were given a tiny little room with a queen-sized bed on the main floor. It was next to the living area where people were up all night being loud. Nobody wanted that room for those reasons.
Instead, the rest got their own beds, most getting king-size beds in pretty rooms with stained glass and Victorian architecture. The only ones who shared a bed were my grandma and my middle sister who shared a king-size bed in a separate part of the house.
That is because my grandma cannot sleep alone.
My stepmom’s mother decided on the last night that she did not want to spend the night in a hotel. She was made aware that there was no more room in the house. She did not care.
She checked out of the hotel. My youngest sister had enough of the family and spent the night with her friends. This left me with a queen-sized bed all to myself. My stepmom said that she was going to make me give up my bed for her mother and I was going to have to sleep on the floor or in the loveseat that was maybe 4ft long.
I said that I was not going to give up my bed. That I had paid for my share. That out of the 11 people in the house, I was always the one expected to take the lesser of everything. This was every single trip. I was not going to do it anymore.
I said that if everyone was so burdened about her mother, then they could give up their beds. Not a single person was.
Maybe I am a little rude about this mindset, but my stepmom’s mother was the one who decided to check out of her hotel.
She was made aware that there was no room. She put herself in that situation when she did not need to be. Her being elderly does not mean she gets to make stupid decisions and depend on people to bend over backward to accommodate her.
I am 99% sure she was doing that because that is how she is. And then when she doesn’t get her way she pouts and tries to make people feel bad for it. But I’m being made out to be a villain for not giving everything up and taking the losses.
I am open-minded to other opinions and insights, so long as they are respectful. I am just feeling bad, but also irritated and I feel that it could be clouding my judgment.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ — If you can in the future you and your sister should book separate accommodations from everyone else!
You’re actually handling this all very gracefully, I don’t think I could. I probably would’ve said something along the lines of how it seems none of the children seem to care enough for their mother to give up their own comfort! Even though I agree that the grandma is being unreasonable and no one needs to deal with her nonsense, but she is her children’s responsibility.” chaenukyun
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Though I would probably consider the tactical approach here “if you guys repay my shares back for the trip, I’ll give up my spot. If you want the whole bed, you’ll have to convince sister to give up her share too and pay her back for all her expenses.” Then don’t move until the money is in your pocket.
Going forward, don’t agree to pay to share the house. “Since I’ve had unfair treatment the last few times where I don’t get what I pay for, I’ll only come if it’s for free. I refuse to pay when I get the worst room or the couch.
Otherwise, I’ll get my own hotel or Airbnb.”” asecretnarwhal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. IF your stepmom wanted to give a bed to her mother, then she should have given up her own bed, she and your dad could have slept on the couch/floor/got a hotel.
You were right to point out that there were 10 other people in the house any of whom could be asked to share/give up their beds. I think your plan to travel/book accommodation separately in the future is sensible.” ProfessorYaffle1
18. AITJ For Stopping To Buy Groceries For My Sister After She Got A Job?
“I (29F) have been grocery shopping for my sister (31F) for the past year and a half. She was pregnant and unemployed and, although her husband was working, I make much more money than him and was trying to help. This meant that whenever I went to the grocery store for myself, I’d bring her along and buy all the food for her house.
After she had the baby and he started in daycare, I started to push for her to get a job and become more financially independent. She finally got a job around 3 months ago and I told her I’d stop paying for her food but I didn’t actually follow through on the first two months.
I guess I was used to the routine and she was used to getting over 1k in groceries and for free.
This month I told her I wouldn’t be feeding her anymore around the 1st and kept reminding her she needed to buy her own stuff but she kept tagging along whenever I went out (we live in the same apartment building).
Around two weeks ago I finally put my foot down and stopped buying her stuff and did not bring her with me. At first, she kept popping over to my house during mealtimes and eating here (showing up at breakfast and then coming over later at lunchtime) and after about a week of this, I told her she wasn’t welcome during mealtimes anymore.
Today she sent me a lot of messages saying how hungry she was and how she was crying because of hunger and how she didn’t have any food at her place and if I could please give her some things. I know she got paid on Wednesday and I asked her where all her money went and she said ‘oh I had some things to pay’, after pressing her she said she lent some money to a friend of hers who asked for it and I told her she should have more responsibility with herself and that that was my final answer.
However, I am now feeling super bad about it and like I’m purposely starving her. So, I’d like to know AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Hunger is a great motivator. Don’t cave. You’re right here. Her emotional manipulations and boohoos are meant to help her get more free stuff.
Now – this is no shade on you. I’ve been taken for a mug twice in the last six months while vulnerable because my husband died. The one currently squatting in my basement assures me that she’ll be out tomorrow. We’ll see . . . It’s all about getting something for nothing for as long as they can.
She’ll move on to her next mark soon enough when she realizes the Bank of Sister is really closed. Your parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, whomever she can convince that you are making them all starve at her house with the boo hoos – even though they have two incomes .
. . Has she never heard of a food bank?” Exact_Purchase765
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister is an adult and she has to learn to provide for herself. She cannot expect you to keep feeding her for the rest of her life. I have never heard of anyone making such an outrageous demand.
And then when you informed her it was time for her to buy her own food, she had the audacity to show up at your house at mealtime expecting to be fed. Then when you cut that off, she continued to call you crying that she was hungry.
I would honestly cut off communications if she doesn’t stop. You can’t continue to endure this type of behavior. Are there any other relatives who could intervene on your behalf? If so, I would contact them and try to get them involved in persuading your sister to stop.” Crazy_Banshee_333
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk your sister is 1. She knew her husband was working during her pregnancy and she should have been provided for by him. 2. You warned her several times when she was working that you wouldn’t pay for her anymore.
3. She should have known that you were serious and you knew she got paid so she should have paid for her own food. 4. She “claims she doesn’t have money” yet she lends money she does have to her friend instead of using it to be responsible and feed herself and the baby.
5. You may want to call cps.” Spocksangel
17. AITJ For Not Picking Up My Partner From Work Despite Her Telling Me Not To?
“My partner (20F) and I (19M) are in the midst of a terrible argument.
I dropped her off at work from her house (half an hour away). At work, my partner’s stomach was hurting very badly, more than any other stomach ache. I was at her house and I was about to leave to go home to go to the gym and get my sister from her event.
I texted her throughout her shift to make sure she was okay.
Before I leave her house she tells me to wait a bit because she might get off early because of her stomach ache. I tell her okay, but then she tells me to leave and go home.
She says she’s going to push it through and try to finish her shift. I start driving to my house which is half an hour away.
Once I get home she calls telling me she’s going to get off work early and she’s in a lot of pain.
I ask her if she wants me to pick her up and she keeps saying no. I insist I pick her up and head my way to her but she keeps saying no.
For context, we have this code word that means we are absolutely serious.
She uses that code word and I turn my car around to go home, and she wants to Uber instead.
Then she gets upset with me because I’m not picking her up; I should be doing it no matter what she says. She starts saying that I never listen and don’t care about her and now she’s on the bathroom floor in pain and then says we shouldn’t be together (break up).
I send her a text saying I’m not coming over, I’m picking up my sister, and I need a break for a bit.
I go to the gym after I pick up my sister.
She eventually goes to the hospital because her stomach ache is getting really bad, and I give her a call to make sure she’s okay and see if she doesn’t have anything serious.
(her mom has been updating me)
Then she texts me and says that the gym is really more important than her and how her coworkers talked about how her partner (me) would already be at the hospital waiting for her and it made her feel like trash because I wasn’t.
How I wasn’t there for her when she is in the hospital.
AITJ for not being there?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is already odd that you need to have a special code word to indicate that you mean what you are saying. Like, honestly that is not a normal thing.
Now, she is trying to say that even the special codeword doesn’t mean that the person is being truthful about what they want? W*f? If she wanted you to come there, she should not have told you not to come.” NeptunianCat
Another User Comments:
“Oh, another passive-aggressive game player. Did she then say to you, ‘well, if you don’t know why I’m mad, then there’s no point telling you’? Unless you’re prepared to deal with this nonsense in the future, I’d not only recommend NOT seeing her in the hospital, but thinking twice about attending the funeral as a result of her burst appendix.
Hit the road, Jack, and don’t you go back no more, no more!” IBelieveYouSure62
Another User Comments:
“So many women so often wonder why so many men believe that “no” really means “maybe”, or “yes, if you keep pestering enough”. THIS is why they think that!!!
You can’t tell someone to do something, going to the extent of using a “special code” to emphasize that you’re not joking and you really mean it, then get upset when they do what you told them to! NTJ. Your partner just learned that consequences exist. That’s her problem, not yours.” ProperMagician7405
16. AITJ For Wanting My Wife To Disclose Her Age To Avoid Looking Like A Creep?
“My wife and I met 20 years ago when we were 22 and 25, respectively. Back then, we looked the same age, but now at 45, I look like I’m in my mid-50s, while at 42, my wife looks like she’s in her late 20s.
We have lived in the same neighborhood since we got married, but we recently had to move and change our kids’ school.
So, nothing prepared me for how incredibly awkward it would be to enroll our kids in a new school and get to know new neighbors when I look like I’m in my 50s, my wife looks like she’s in her late 20s, and our kids are both teenagers.
It’s one thing for people to assume I have a controversially young wife when it’s just the two of us; I couldn’t care less. But it’s another when I have to introduce our children because if they think my wife is around 28, it would make me seem like a creep.
I asked my wife if she could start mentioning her age when we introduced ourselves, but she said I’m being ridiculous and that it would be incredibly awkward for her to do so.
I don’t think it’s ridiculous to want to avoid being labeled a creep.
WIBTJ if I insist after she said no?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. So what if people judge? Take it as an “I have a hot wife and they’re jealous” and move on. Also. Unless you’re like 5 years old, it’s awkward to just throw your age out in introductions.
Women hate that stuff. It’s like a cardinal rule to never ask a woman’s age let alone just throw it out there in conversation.” Dry_Parfait4507
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. First, I bet most people don’t think she actually looks that young, more likely they know she’s older, but just looks good for her age.
Second, she’s absolutely right that it would be super awkward for her to have to always mention her age when meeting new people. People would think she’s weird (or perhaps trying to show off about how good she looks for her age).” Born_Rabbit_7577
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re the one who is super uncomfortable with the looks you get. Why can’t you say something like “Oh, and this here is my beautiful wife. Would you believe we’ve been together since she was 20 and I was 25?! I guess she got the better aging genes I guess now I know that there was always a reason that she was putting on all of those skincare things and sunscreen all of these years.” Or something like that.” fallingintopolkadots
15. AITJ For Telling My Mom I'm Pregnant Before Telling My Husband's Mom?
“I (29f) am pregnant with my husband’s (35m) first child. We’ve had complications over the last few years with trying, tried countless doctors, clinics, etc. I finally found out recently that I’m pregnant and told my mom after I shared the news with my husband since she’s been my support my whole life.
I told my husband that I told my mom and he got mad at me, calling her a negative person and saying she’s going to put a “bad eye” on our unborn child. Several hours later he said, “well if you told her we have to tell my mom and we’re doing it next week.” I told him it’s my decision who I want to tell and I don’t think it’s a good idea since his mom talks a lot and will tell a lot of people before we get to tell them.
He started to yell at me, said I couldn’t keep my mouth shut and it’s not fair that my mom knows but his doesn’t. Am I the jerk for telling my mom that I’m pregnant and not wanting to tell his yet?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He seems to have a very different opinion of your mom than you do. You say she’s been your support your whole life, but he thinks she’s going to put a “bad eye” on the child (w*f does that mean?). If your mom can keep a secret and his can’t, that’s a good enough reason not to tell his.
But overall, it sounds like you two have a lot more issues than just this. I’m getting a bad vibe.” SoMuchMoreEagle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Whilst it’s primarily your decision, you’ve placed a double standard on yourself. You didn’t consult your husband before telling your mother, and that’s why he is acting out in the way that he is.
You’ve got to be on the same page before naming decisions or you could alienate the other other parent. But at the same time, you’re the carrier of the baby and the person who needs the most support in this time so your decision to choose your mother makes total sense.” GuiltyPick
Another User Comments:
“NTJ it’s your pregnancy, you absolutely can tell your mother. This is insane. Also, it’s not like you were recklessly telling random acquaintances, you told presumably the one closest person to you other than your husband and someone who is an important emotional support to you.
Clearly, your husband knows that his mom isn’t a safe person to tell, which is why he’s essentially threatening you with telling her as “retaliation” for you telling your mom without his permission. IMO this is emotional manipulation. Your husband should respect you, understand that you – the person who is actually pregnant – deserve emotional support from your mother (a no-brainer), and be able to discuss this with you rationally.” Eastern-Detail
14. AITJ For Giving Away The Rejected Wedding Flowers I Made?
“My son and DIL’s wedding is at the end of June. Originally they were tight on funds and were upset over the price of flowers. It wasn’t in their budget and they had a very specific image.
I looked at prices for what they wanted and it was out of my own budget.
I instead offered to do what they wanted with fake flowers. They agreed and sent over images for me to use. I have spent over 500 buying all the stuff and my own time.
They turned out great in my opinion.
I got a call about two weeks ago, that they won’t need them anymore and that they have the funds to have real flowers. That they already booked it. So in short all my time was for nothing.
My daughter was over and commented on how cute the flowers were. She asked if I could make her some for her baby shower. I explained what happened and told her she could have them.
Her baby shower was over the weekend and she used the flowers on the tables.
It was a nice event. After my son and DIL came up we got into an argument. They think I am a jerk for using their flowers for someone else’s event and now everyone will think they copied my daughter for their wedding.
My point was I can give them away to whoever and I don’t think it is a big deal since they were used. That instead of me throwing them out, someone got to use them.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Bride: Even though I’m not using your fake flowers, they were based on something I thought about when I was four and now you can’t use them for anything else. Even though I’m not going to use them. They must be for me ever because I’m the only one who has this design and if you let someone else see it then they won’t think it’s my original design.
Rest of the world: You don’t own flower designs. You did nothing wrong, and I’m pretty sure they didn’t send you a payment for your time, labor, and effort in making all those centerpieces. Centerpieces. You had a nice time and the couple was completely wrong.
NTJ.” Even_Enthusiasm7223
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If they’d paid for all the stuff and for your time and labor, then I might feel differently about you giving them away to someone else. Paying you would have made them “their” flowers. But even then, they would have been wasted if just thrown away.
So it would make sense for someone else to get enjoyment from them. But they didn’t pay you, so they were “your” flowers to do as you please. It would have been an absolute waste to just bin them. It’s nice that your daughter got to use them and they didn’t get binned or sit gathering dust. Your son and DIL do not own flower arrangement designs.
They can kick up a fuss about looking like they copied your daughter’s design all they want, but nobody owns flower designs.” JaneDoe_83
Another User Comments:
“Presuming the flowers were of a very specific unique design, I can see how the couple could be upset that the design was used prior to their wedding.
I can also understand that they might be concerned that any mutual guests between the shower and the wedding might think they copied the design for the wedding. That being said; 1. You offered a huge favor to them by not only buying the supplies but also investing significant time in creating the centerpieces.
2. They made it very clear that rather than use what you created, they preferred to go with real flowers. 3. Someone else saw your work, loved it, and wanted to use it. They could have graciously accepted your gift, they decided not to. So they have no say in what you do with it.
NTJ.” baloo1970
13. AITJ For Confronting My Stepsister About Her Self-Centered Behavior?
“I have a stepsister, “Ellie” who is the same age as me. Ellie has a brother, “Seb”, who is two years older than us. Our parents (my dad, their mom) got married three years ago. Seb has 30/70 time at his mom’s, while I have 70/30 at my mom’s.
Ellie has 90/10 at her mom’s.
Seb and I are close, but Ellie isn’t close to either of us. Pretty much the only reason I go to my dad’s as often as I do is because Seb is there. But it’s become really miserable to go there because of Ellie.
She’s incredibly self-centered, obnoxious, jealous, and just exhausting to be around because she is a professional victim. Ellie is bullied in school and apparently has been for her whole life, so doesn’t have any of her own friends. Because of this her mom always forces Seb and me to take her everywhere with us and it’s really difficult for us to just hang out in a room without her.
Ellie actively participates in this by tattling on us and demanding her mom tell us to include her. When Seb isn’t there it’s not as bad because my dad won’t force me to do anything but since he’s not Seb and Ellie’s parent he doesn’t intervene.
Four days ago I was at my dad’s and I mentioned to my dad that I had been invited to go with Seb and his dad to a sporting event in July. Ellie overheard this (I didn’t know she was home) and went to tattle to her mom, who came down and interrogated me.
I only answered when the event was because beyond that she should be talking to her ex and my dad said as much. Ellie said it wasn’t fair that Seb was taking me and not her, and her mom agreed and said she would “fix it” and Ellie had this smug smile on her face, which was the last straw.
I said she is a cruel person for ruining this and for never wanting anyone to be happy except herself. I also said that I have no idea what enjoyment she gets from forcing her presence on people because it doesn’t make anyone like her and if it’s just fun for her to make me and her brother miserable then that should embarrass her.
Then I told my dad he’s being a lousy dad for not standing up for me more and I went back to my mom’s.
Apparently, things devolved into complete chaos after I left. Ellie cried for hours and according to my dad won’t speak to anyone now and has taken two days off school.
Her mom is livid with me, and her ex for letting Seb invite me on the trip, and Seb for inviting me. Also now neither I nor Seb really want to go over there because it’s a mess so that’s caused issues between all the parents.
My dad is saying this is my fault for saying all that to Ellie and that I need to apologize. I don’t think I do, because honestly, I think someone else in Ellie’s life should have said that to her earlier. Maybe I was harsh about it but it’s something she needs to think about.
Even my mom is saying I overdid it and should have let the parents handle it.”
Another User Comments:
“Question – is there a reason she is being bullied and is she truly being bullied? Is it a result of how she interacts with people, or is she truly being made a target from a mean group of kids at school?
“She’s incredibly self-centered, obnoxious, jealous, and just exhausting to be around because she is a professional victim. Ellie is bullied in school and apparently has been for her whole life, so doesn’t have any of her own friends.” These traits might not get her “bullied” but would definitely have people just simply refuse to be around her.
NTJ, but Ellie’s mom definitely is, even her own brother doesn’t want to spend any time with her.” Comfortable-Sea-2454
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Most kids have at least one friend. It is very odd that she doesn’t have anyone.. to me it sounds like she enjoys making you feel miserable.
You didn’t do anything wrong. You only spoke as your father and her mother have failed to talk to her. I wouldn’t go back there if I were you. It tells a lot that neither of you wants to go there. But keep seeing Seb!” Simple-Plankton4436
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your dad is saying that because he now has to live with the fallout from all this, but it’s partly his fault too, indeed he should stand up for you more. Ellie is entitled and her mom is just enabling that awful behavior.
She’s going to be a real treat later in life when she’s an adult and presumably out on her own.” TheDreadPirateJeff
12. AITJ For Wanting To Share My Travel Experiences With My Partner?
“I just had a discussion with my partner. (Long distance, been 2+ years.) We both would love to travel the world together one day and he especially has a fascination with wanting to go to the USA.
The difference between us is that I’ve been to several places already on many different continents and he’s only been outside his country once…he got especially jealous when I told him I had been to the USA already.
We talked about traveling together and he stated he wants me to act like I’ve not been anywhere yet, not giving any tips, not telling him about memories I’ve made in places, nothing.
The thing is…I would do anything for him but a big part of me wanting to travel with him is that I want to show him what I’ve done everywhere and do the things I did as a kid but with him. I want to give him travel tips, I want to show him places I’ve been to as a kid, and tell him about the happiest moments I’ve had all around the world.
He said he doesn’t care what I’ve been up to and me telling him would make him extremely jealous and ruin the experience for him. He even contemplated leaving me behind and going by himself…I told him if he’s serious about that, then I don’t want to travel with him.
He also said if I ever did mention that I’ve been to the USA while we’re there and ignore his wishes, I’m toxic.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Time to find someone who is not so jealous of your life experiences. You should be able to talk about your fun times and memories from traveling without being called toxic.
He is making this relationship toxic by trying to control what you say and making you feel bad for being able to do things he hasn’t been able to do. Find someone that will share your love of travel and will love hearing the stories you have of your life, no matter where you were.” Less_Ordinary_8516
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Serious question: why are you with him? This guy can’t stand the fact you’ve been fortunate enough to have traveled and he doesn’t want to hear it. This is not someone who I would want to be with because they aren’t open to other people’s ideas and opinions.
It’s one thing to want to experience something solo but another thing entirely that you have to shut up or pretend you haven’t been somewhere. He sounds difficult. My partner and I have had the privilege of having traveled extensively and to different places. We LOVE when we are shown new things or get to experience them TOGETHER or she gets to tell me her memories of doing XYZ with her grandparents etc. I view it as us sharing our memories and wanting to create new ones together – that’s special.” archetyping101
Another User Comments:
“NTJ just because he doesn’t know what toxic means. Wanting to show someone around a place you have been is not toxic behavior. The fantasy he wants to create is sad. The only way I could see you being a jerk was if the vacation didn’t include mutual interests.
I had a really bad vacation once where the person I was with had been to the destination before and I had not. Everywhere we went was somewhere he wanted to show me. The issue was, he wanted to show me things that interested him but were completely uninteresting to me.” lostalldoubt86
11. AITJ For Not Wanting My Two-Timing Dad To Walk Me Down The Aisle?
“I am getting married in two months. My mother found out six months ago that my father had been two-timing her. She refuses to confront him about it because she fears he will leave her. In the text messages my mom found with my dad and the other woman, she saw a message from my dad saying that he does not want to pay a cent for my wedding and instead wants to use that money towards his retirement with the other woman.
I have been begging my mom for months to confront him about this but she refuses. They are on better terms now and “planning a retirement together in this new season of marriage” but only because my mom is pretending that everything is fine. I do not respect him at all.
He keeps trying to give me marriage advice but I can’t respect it when I know that he’s a two-timer. I don’t even want him walking me down the aisle at this point because I can’t imagine looking back at photos and thinking about how he was living behind a mask.
The person I once knew as my father is no longer that same person.
WIBTJ if I walk myself down? I know this would cause a lot of drama in my family and that is the last thing I want to do. Up until six months ago, I thought my dad and I had the best relationship in the world but I feel like that has been compromised and I can’t even talk about it.
Their marriage is not my responsibility and yet it infiltrates many aspects of life.”
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ. Your wedding, so you can choose who does or does not come, who does or doesn’t walk you down the aisle etc. When he said he didn’t want to pay for the wedding, you might want to consider if he’ll refuse to pay if you tell him he’s not walking you down the aisle.
So if he is paying, you might end up having to foot that bill. As long as you’re aware of this potential consequence, you do you! I personally view the dad walking down the aisle as antiquated. My parents raised me and if I’m walking with anyone, it’s both of them together.
Also, the whole dad giving permission to give me away is gross to me. My view is also that they’re walking you down having supported you and loved you. My parents are married and I’d view it as a blessing like sprinkling their good juju onto the start of my next chapter.
I sure as heck wouldn’t want my two-timing dad jinxing me lol. If you want a middle finger salute, have your mom walk you down the aisle. That would likely tick him off. Or, do as you mentioned, walk yourself down!” archetyping101
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. How do you involve someone in your wedding who is so callous about his own marriage vows? I worry about your mom. It sounds like she’s holding on to the idea that she will be safe as long as she buries her head and doesn’t face anything.
I’m guessing that perhaps your mom doesn’t work, or works at a job that pays significantly less than your father’s does? Either your dad is feeding lines to the other woman, which married men who have no intention of leaving their wives but want a little action on the side are apt to do, or he’s planning to dump your mom, take his retirement income, and head off into the sunset with the other woman.
Your issue is going to be how to communicate this to your dad. Do you just say that being given away is an archaic practice that you have no intention of perpetuating and leave it at that, or do you sit him down privately and tell him why it is that you refuse to have him walk you down the aisle?
However you handle it, you’re NTJ.” Own_Lack_4526
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you’re right, it is their marriage. and not your direct problem. But if your mom is refusing to confront your dad, you can’t confront him for her, that’s her choice. It would be easier if you used another excuse for why he can’t walk you down the aisle.
The usual excuse is that the whole ‘father giving away the bride’ is outdated and misogynistic. That you are a grown woman making your own decisions..-et cetera et cetera- not something owned and given away – yadda yadda yadda…you get what I mean.” Lithogiraffe
10. AITJ For Not Wanting To See My Parents After My Mom Ruined My Wedding Day?
“To begin, my parents flew in the night before the wedding which was on a Friday. My sister and her partner drove. All of them were staying at an Airbnb about 20 minutes away from our Airbnb where I told them to meet in order to get ready.
To stay on schedule, the hair and makeup artists were to meet at our place to start on my mother and sister to have time for others who were not going to make it until later in the day and who were in the ceremony.
They were half an hour late. Trying to not be a bridezilla, I asked my dad why they were late and he just shrugged his shoulders and told me that they were awake at 4 AM (they usually wake up then to get ready for work).
While I was getting ready and taking the typical photos of my mom buttoning my dress, my photographer/videographers were trying to get footage and asking my mom to smile. She snapped at them saying something like “It’s really hard to button these buttons!” At that point, I was embarrassed and was asking if she wanted my MOH to help her out.
The attitude continued which caused me to cry, and I had to get my makeup redone before our first look. We were already running behind.
Later in the night, I go to the bridal suite to change dresses, and I see my sister and her partner packing up their things.
I ask them what they are doing and they say they are leaving and that they are tired. I believe that around this time it is about 9:30. I asked if my parents were also leaving and they said “Obviously because they drove us.” At this time a friend starts helping me out of my dress and my mother walks in asking if I want help, but between the drinks and frustration, I tell her to get out and that we’ve got it.
I was upset that they were leaving before our intimate faux exit that was going to be the wedding party and our family. My father later tells me that he wanted to stay but my mom said no.
The next few days following our wedding I was getting reports from my husband and friends about my mom’s demeanor and instances of her being rude to them.
My dad also tells me about her being rude to him and saying that the top hat he chose for the wedding looked stupid.
I know that overall these are not huge things and that there are way worse mother-of-the-bride situations out there, but I feel hurt due to her behavior.
This is not the first time she has been unable to handle her emotions and lashes out in hard situations. There are other factors to this situation as well. Overall, I have been pretty upset since the wedding and haven’t talked to my mom besides one phone call where I don’t feel that she was genuine in her apology.
My father keeps guilting me every time he calls that I won’t talk to my mom, and I am debating on not seeing them when they come to my city next month. WIBTJ for not seeing my mom when my parents come to TX next month for Father’s Day?”
Another User Comments:
“Normally I’d tell you to just invite your father out to dinner, but there’s this: “My father keeps guilting me every time he calls that I won’t talk to my mom.” Send him a nice card and present in advance. Maybe call him on the day, but have other plans in place.
Just because your father is fine being your mother’s whipping boy, he’s an adult and that’s his choice. You don’t want to subject yourself to your mother’s lashing out. NTJ.” Dana07620
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like your mom can’t handle high-anxiety situations – especially those relating to time.
She’s probably verbalizing to try to cope. Unfortunately, her verbalization is just making things difficult for everyone. Without help developing strategies to handle her anxiety, this will probably continue. The best you can do is to tell your mother that you can’t deal with her stress adding to your own and that you’re hurt by her actions.
If you don’t want to see her, you’re completely within your right to do so, but realize she will probably verbally lash out.” chocolate_chip_kirsy
Another User Comments:
“Only if they were coming to see only you. If you have other family they are coming to see, then definitely not.
You need to be upfront with your dad. Let him know that you are not going to see him when they come down if your mom is with him. Also let him know you will not be seeing or talking to your mom until she gets the mental help she needs because her actions at your wedding hurt you immensely.” Effective_Brief8295
9. AITJ For Telling My Mom Her Interference And Taste Are Ruining My Wedding?
“I’m (28F) dealing with my mom’s excessive gift-giving of clothes and her intrusive involvement in my wedding planning. Throughout my life, she’s sent me numerous packages of clothes, always unsolicited, and mostly not my style. I’ve tried to politely return the items I don’t like, but this hasn’t stopped her from sending more.
My fiancé recently pointed out how her style is very different from mine, often either very matronly or childish. Despite returning 80% of the clothes she sends, she continues to inundate me with more.
The situation escalated with my wedding dress. When we went shopping, she pushed for a matronly dress that I hated and dismissed the ones I liked. I eventually chose a dress that everyone, including her, seemed to agree was the most flattering.
However, the next day she insisted it was too low cut and even showed photos of me in it to her friends at my grandmother’s funeral to get validation. She claimed that they all agreed with her and suggested we go shopping again, which I refused.
Despite my clear refusal, she booked another dress-shopping appointment, which was a humiliating experience. She showed zoomed-in photos of my chest to the staff, who graciously assured her that it was not revealing.
However, it didn’t stop there. In the car leaving the second dress shop, she said she was then taking me to shop for rehearsal dinner dresses.
I said as politely as possible that I wouldn’t be requiring her services for that, to which she matter-of-factly stated that she wanted to be involved in picking it out. After I flew back home, she began sending rehearsal dinner dress options to my house, none of which suited me and were all returned. Each dress was either not my style or the wrong size.
Despite my polite returns and clear communication, she persisted in sending more.
Recently, I planned a trip back to my parents’ place to pick up my wedding dress, which I couldn’t bring back earlier due to luggage constraints. A day before my flight, my mom texted me that she had booked an alteration appointment for my dress, claiming it needed to fit perfectly and be less revealing.
She also mentioned that she had paid $50 for the appointment. After all our previous conflicts over the dress, I was in disbelief that she had not let it go.
I told her that the prior dress-shopping experience had been extremely upsetting for me and that I couldn’t handle it again.
Her response was dismissive, stating that both dress-shopping experiences had been traumatizing for her too. At this, I lost it and told her that her constant bulldozing and manipulating me had ruined my wedding.
I know my mom genuinely wants to be involved in my life and my wedding, but her constant interference and insistence on her taste over mine are making what should be a joyful planning process into a nightmare – AITJ here??”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, mostly to yourself. Look at this: “She claimed that they all agreed with her and suggested we go shopping again, which I refused. Despite my clear refusal, she booked another dress-shopping appointment, which was a humiliating experience. She showed zoomed-in photos of my chest to the staff, who graciously assured her that it was not revealing.” What I read here is: Despite my clear refusal, I went with her.
So, it’s actually no surprise at all that she does not take your refusals seriously, since you step on them so freakin’ easily. She’s a nightmare, and she will continue to be one. It won’t be easy, getting her to back off, even a little bit.
But, every single “no” you say AND KEEP SAYING will be a push in the right direction. This way, you’re just enabling her controlling behavior. No is a full sentence, remember that, but one that requires a lot from a person who uttered it.” kemikica
Another User Comments:
“NTJ of course. But why did you even go to the appointment she made? Just say no and don’t show up. Refuse to accept the packages from the carrier. And for goodness sake, do not involve her in anything anymore. Don’t tell her about dates, deadlines, and your choices.
Otherwise, she WILL ruin your wedding. E.g. she doesn’t approve of the flowers and knows who your florist is? What do you want to bet on her not calling them up to change the order?” GSD_enthusiast
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She seems very controlling, and a wedding dress is a very big deal, everyone wants their wedding to be perfect and the fact that she’s so controlling and is trying her best to make you wear something she likes instead of what you like seems frustrating as heck.
You should be able to wear the dress that you love, for goodness sake, you’re getting married in it. Her behavior is invasive and controlling and you should definitely continue to establish boundaries as best you can, even though she doesn’t seem to take your opinion into consideration while she tries to dictate your entire wardrobe.” LevelFox-1092
8. AITJ For Calling Out A Girl For Complaining About The Food Choice After She Didn't Speak Up?
“I (28f) recently went out with a few friends and some of their friends. Eventually, we were discussing where to get food. I suggested a few places like pizza, Chinese, sushi, Korean, etc. People gave opinions, like they were/weren’t feeling XYZ or they have certain allergies.
This one girl, Abbie, never spoke up even when I specifically asked her. I didn’t know her well but wanted to include her, but she would just mumble and not give a definitive answer. Eventually, we settled on Korean food.
There were a few people in the group who weren’t too familiar with the food so I explained the menu.
Everyone seemed to enjoy the food and I thought that was that.
Toward the end of the meal, Abbie started whining about the food. She didn’t like this, she didn’t like that, she was unfamiliar with the food, she couldn’t even “choose” the restaurant. Few people reminded her that I specifically asked her where she wanted to eat and it was a group consensus.
(Just for the record, I’m an introvert but can be very opinionated and can speak up for myself.)
I asked Abbie why she didn’t speak up earlier and she responded she didn’t want to upset anyone. My tone turned harsher and said “well you could’ve said something earlier instead of whining and causing a scene now.
Why bring it up at the end of it if you didn’t want to cause trouble?”
Abbie’s face turned red as she got up, paid, and left.
AITJ for embarrassing her?”
Another User Comments:
“No, NTJ. How does anyone have the cojones to not say a word when specifically asked to their face if they have any opinions, and AFTER EATING start whining about the food?
Ugh. From the fact that other people reminded her she WAS asked, I’m guessing she isn’t going to be part of the group anymore. I happen not to like Korean food, but if everyone wanted to do that I’m sure I could find 1-2 things I would be okay with eating.
I would have asked some questions about the food during the discussion.” Gatodeluna
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I fully agree with the point you made. It would be one thing if she had suffered in silence and tried to make the best of it but still came away having a terrible time, I’m an introvert and I’ve had experiences like that, but the “I didn’t want to upset anyone” excuse went right out the window the second she started complaining and moaning.
She sounds exhausting.” robinmitchells
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here – she should have spoken her opinion when given an opportunity and not whined like a baby.******* up buttercup it probably wasn’t her last meal. You probably shouldn’t have publicly shamed her. As annoying as it is to take charge of a group of wishy-washy people and trying to please everyone it’s always best to say “Oh I’m sorry you didn’t care for the food.
Now we know you don’t like Korean food, but thanks for giving it a shot.” When people act like toddlers you can treat them like toddlers.” Bitter_Knitter
7. AITJ For Implying My Dad Is Senile When He Misgenders Me To A Neighbor?
“I (26M) am a transgender man. I’ve been out since I was 16 and started medically transitioning at 19. I’m pretty burly and I have a beard, so at this point, no one would have any reason to think I’m trans unless I tell them. My dad’s (67M) perspective on this is basically “I won’t argue with you about it, but I’m also not going to change the way I refer to you.” If I directly call him out on it he just awkwardly waffles and dismisses it.
It’s annoying, but I can live with it, especially because the rest of my family is largely supportive and trying to maintain a relationship with them while not interacting with my dad would be difficult and frustrating for everyone involved.
I was visiting a couple of days ago, and my dad and I bumped into his neighbour from a few doors down and ended up in a conversation about a tree that had fallen down in the street.
My dad introduced me to his neighbour with “this is my daughter, (old name).” Not really wanting to have to explain to this random stranger that I’m trans, I just said, “No Dad, I’m (name), your son, remember?” in a concerned/pitying tone of voice, then sort of looked at the neighbour with a sad expression.
My dad, as usual, just awkwardly dismissed it and tried to continue the conversation without acknowledging it. The neighbour sort of did an “ah, gotcha” expression, and for the rest of the conversation, he spoke slower to my dad.
Later, my dad told me he didn’t like that I’d made his neighbour think he was senile, because he might have conversations with him in the future and would have to spend those conversations being treated like he’s in the early stages of dementia.
For my part, I think he invites it by referring to a guy no one would suspect is trans as a woman (not that I think he should refer to any trans person as their birth s*x) and it was only a matter of time before someone thought he was nuts.
I also feel that I had the right to keep it private that I’m trans to this stranger. My dad can feel free to explain the situation to him later, but in the moment I didn’t want to potentially have to get stuck in a conversation defending my identity as a trans person to him.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ that’s hilarious. Just tell him you won’t argue with him about it but you won’t change how you talk about him. I kid. Anyway, it’s not like you said that it’s time for his prune juice and that you’re going to ship him off to Shady Pines.
If he’s at all intelligent he can avoid this altogether very easily. Ball is in his court.” paul_rudds_drag_race
Another User Comments:
“I did that to my mom when she did the same thing. (Also trans man with a full beard). She did this to a waitress out at a restaurant.
I sighed and said “mom, I texted this morning to remind you about taking your meds.” Then I turned to the waitress and gave her my biggest sad eyes look. I was going for full Lab/Golden Retriever. “It’s so hard to watch her slipping away.” (The waitress nodded, patted my shoulder and told me I was a good boy to care about my mom so much.
The top of my mom’s head looked like it was going to blow up. She started in as soon as we were alone again and I stopped her. I told her she wasn’t going to win. She might see the old me, but in public people only see who I really am.
And I’ll keep doing this every time.” CupRevolutionary8082
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your dad’s going to introduce a big, burly, masculine-presenting person with a beard as “his daughter”, other people are going to assume he’s getting a bit “funny with age” all by themselves.
I just don’t get it. I mean, if you still wore dresses and makeup and stuff, I could at least see where someone was coming from (which is different from agreeing with them) if they didn’t describe you as male. Similarly, there are edge issues around genderqueer/nonbinary stuff where genuine disagreement between well-intentioned people is still possible.
But you’re showing up sporting a beard. At this point in your journey of transition, it clearly takes more effort to misgender you than not. And let’s be clear here, it never took much effort to correctly gender you anyway. All of which is to say that your dad is going out of his way to misgender you.
You don’t have to cut him out of your life. But I can’t see why you’d want to expend effort on the relationship.” Psychological-Wall-2
6. AITJ For Not Appreciating The Surprise Getaway My Husband Planned?
“For the past month, my husband (27M) and I (28F) have been in a rut. We’ve been arguing about so many trivial things. Last week, he randomly asked me if I liked eating s’mores. I said I don’t care for them and rarely do I ever crave them.
He then asked me what I thought of cabins and camping. I told him I don’t care for either to be honest and the only way I would go camping is if it was a glamping experience. He nodded and said noted.
Today he tells me to be ready and dressed by 4 pm because we have a date planned. I put on a cute outfit because all he told me was we have a special date planned. Any other time he’s said that, the date usually involves us going out to a fancy restaurant.
So I put on a skirt, some heels, and a top. He sees my outfit, doesn’t say anything. The only thing I noticed that was odd was that he brought his backpack with him. I asked him why, and he said that he just wanted to put his hoodie somewhere in case it got cold later.
We get into the car and 20 minutes into the drive I ask him how far is the restaurant we’re going to. He smiles and says, “about an hour”. I pull up my phone and start responding to some work emails to kill time. And then when we arrived to our destination I honestly got so upset.
It was a super tiny trailer in the middle of the West Virginia woods. There was a small picnic table outside and just woods. I ask him what we were doing there and he turns to me and says, “surprise! We’re having a couple’s retreat.
Do you like it?” I walk inside the trailer, and mind you, my husband knows I am extremely claustrophobic. There is no room inside this trailer. I start panicking because a. I need physical space b. I’m in heels and a skirt in the middle of the woods c.
He packed PJs, his toothbrush, and a change of clothes but didn’t think to tell me I’d be needing anything for this date.
At that point, I just blatantly ask him, “have I ever expressed any interest in camping to you?” He said, “no.” And then I followed up with, “you know how much I hate small spaces, what made you think I’d enjoy this, I just really want to understand?” He didn’t say anything.
I told him I appreciated the gesture but I could not for the life of me figure out how he thought planning this in the way he did was going to help get us out of a rut.
This isn’t the first time he’s planned something for me that I hated. And the worst thing, I’ve told him before if I’ve never expressed interest in something to please not gift it to me or plan a date around it.
I do a very good job at giving him extremely thoughtful gifts and planning very thoughtful dates/experiences. And today I told him that it just seems like there isn’t any consideration for me in that regard. Am I the jerk for reacting the way that I did?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m bewildered by the idea of him planning a camping/outdoor/overnight type of event, not even hinting that you dressing up for going out to dinner was a problem, and not bringing along any toiletries or extra clothing for you.
What was going on in this man’s brain? “I’m going to bring my wife out into the woods in inappropriate clothing and with nothing for her to change into or sleep in, and she’s going to be happy about it?” I don’t necessarily mind camping but this entire experience would feel disrespectful and upset me greatly.” PurpleMarsAlien
Another User Comments:
“Mine was getting super dressed up saying there’s an event I need to drop him off at. He even went as far as having me do light makeup on him to cover his dark under eyes. Turned out I was dropping him at MY SURPRISE baby shower.
Which had 50+ people in a banquet hall. I attended in pajamas, slippers, with my hair unbrushed looking like a mess at my own baby shower. I honestly wasn’t expecting to get out of the car, so I looked reaaaaaally bad. I couldn’t even appreciate the surprise or event because I was so self-conscious and feeling ugly on top of being pregnant.
He looked good though. Anyways, this behavior doesn’t change. He’s been this way for 11yrs now.” watermelon-jellomoon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “I told him I appreciated the gesture.” You’re giving him way too much credit. There are three possibilities here: 1. He heard you directly say you didn’t like his suggestion and knew you were unprepared and would be uncomfortable, and he did it anyway to punish you or be mean.
2. He had the idea in mind and stuck with it regardless of your answer and how unprepared you were obviously going to be because in his mind the gesture was all that mattered and he doesn’t care if you’re actually happy. 3. He’s so darn stupid that after forgetting you said no to camping, he went ahead while failing to think for a second about how people need to prepare for camping and he needed to make sure he brought your toiletries and a change of clothing.
You’re not the jerk, in fact, this should reinforce that either he’s a bully, a moron, or staggeringly self-centered. Making this mistake again and again is a serious problem.” Irish_Whiskey
5. AITJ For Not Changing My Daughter's Birthday Plans For My Partner's Aunt's Service Dog?
“My daughter’s birthday is coming up and for it all she wants to do is go to our local animal Wildlife park. She’s inviting a couple of friends and our local(ish) family is coming + I’ve booked an encounter with her favorite animal. My partner (her dad) has never done much regarding planning birthdays, I just keep him informed of what’s going on.
He mentioned today his aunt had booked plane tickets to come down for the time period and will be able to make the birthday. Normally great but his aunt requires a service dog and this specific wildlife park does not allow them in. She’s (understandably) not able to be separated from it.
My partner (and now his parents) think we (I) should reorganize the day because his aunt would be offended we’re doing something she can’t come to. I think we should keep the plans as they are but we can also do stuff with his aunt the day before/after and so breakfast and dinner on her actual birthday.
WIBTJ for this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, this day is about your daughter, not the aunt. Your compromise of doing something on another day or in the morning when she can attend with her service dog is perfectly acceptable. It’s your daughter’s party and her choice of venue.
By the sound of it, aunt made a short-notice decision and is expecting everyone to accommodate her. Well, you are by offering up alternatives that she can attend. Stick to the party in the park. There is enough time she can spend with your daughter outside of that.” Fragrant-Donut2871
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is your child’s birthday and you are taking her to the place she wants to go to celebrate. It’s unfortunate that the aunt who is coming late in the game cannot attend. She can celebrate with you all in person elsewhere.
Tell the aunt that this is what your child wanted to do. Also if this is a REAL service dog, and not just one of those rando unofficial emotional support animals, what country are you in? Most Western countries have laws about service dogs and they must be allowed into venues.” lenajlch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m a service dog handler and I think it’s perfectly reasonable to keep the plan as is. It’s your daughter’s birthday and this is what she wants to do, your motivations aren’t based on discrimination or dislike of the aunt, and you’re already planning to take time out to spend with the aunt outside of this event as opposed to totally excluding her.
You’re handling the situation great. Just make sure to speak with the aunt ahead of time to let her know what the plan is; that ensures that she isn’t surprised when she shows up by it. Informing her ahead of time also gives her the opportunity to look into alternative accommodations that may allow her to attend the wildlife park without her service dog (there may not be any and/or she may not be comfortable with it, but it at least gives her time to look into that if she wants to).” False-Carpenter2079
4. AITJ For Choosing My Daughter's Soccer Game Over My Nephew's Baptism?
“I have a daughter who is turning 11 this Saturday (April 13). She plays competitive soccer and has 2 games out of town about an hour away from us. My nephew is getting baptized on Saturday at 10 am to be a part of the LDS church. My sister is “disappointed” that I am not coming to his baptism because he only gets baptized once.
It’s not that I don’t want to attend or don’t support his choice, but it’s my daughter’s birthday. Her game starts at 1130am and so we have to leave no later than 10 am which is when his baptism is…am I wrong for not going?
My sister is making me feel bad for choosing my kids over hers.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Baptisms aren’t that high on the hierarchy of events where family needs to be present. I say that as a Southern Baptist turned Non-Denominational who is friends with Catholics, Methodists, Jews, Wiccan, and whatnot.
Your immediate family is the focus. Extended family is secondary. Would your sister go to something important to your daughter if her son’s birthday was happening? My guess is no. Give him a card saying you are happy for this next step in his faith and you are always willing to talk to him about any faith questions or conversations he wants to have in the future.” Terra88draco
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your kids honestly should come first to you. I guarantee your sister’s kids come first for her. Do I think baptism is more important than a game? Yep. But you have a conflict. It happens. Your daughter is learning about being a part of a team, keeping her word, and being dependable.
I’m sure you’ve apologized. It can’t be helped. You didn’t make the schedule. They did agree on the baptism date. Did they run that date by everybody they expected to be at the baptism? Apparently, not. My family didn’t attend my baptism. In fact, not even my father attended my baptism.
My mother did. She was all I needed in terms of family support. Will your sister hold it against you? Probably. But it seems a bit narcissistic of her. So, if it wasn’t this, it would be something else. It’ll always be something. Pray for her.
Pray for your family. Keep it moving.” ConclusionRelative
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. In my family, baptism was important for the immediate family, and I think our grandparents may have come, but no extended family beyond that was expected to at all. I know different families and different religions have different dynamics around this, but I just don’t see a need for aunts and uncles to miss another event they want to be at to see 30 seconds of a baby getting water on its head.” PhotographThin3783TA
3. AITJ For Letting My Overworked Wife Sleep Instead Of Waking Her Up For Family Time?
“My wife (Heather – 36F) and I (35F) have been together for the past 14 years, and married for 10. We have two daughters (4 and 6 years old) together.
Heather is a doctor and she works ridiculously long hours, gets tired, etc. Yesterday she came back home after being away all day (she was on call and needed to go in for emergency surgery), and told me she was going to sleep for a couple of hours and asked me to wake her up by dinner so she could see the girls and me for a bit.
She slept around 5 PM. I tried to wake her at 7 PM. I called for her, softly shook her, gave her a kiss on the cheek but she didn’t get up. (She is a very light sleeper and these things wake her up 90% of the time).
I thought she needed the rest and let her sleep. Heather slept until the next morning which is when she needed to go to work.
Heather was very upset the following morning saying I should have woken her up, and that I had caused her to miss an entire day of family time.
I explained that she didn’t get up and she said I just should have tried harder to wake her.
I get that she wants to be present in our family (and she is) and she wants our kids to see both their moms but I just wanted to let her get some much-needed sleep to help her be well rested for the next day.
Was I genuinely the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. She’s upset she didn’t get to spend time with her family and that’s reasonable. Being under the impression she must need more sleep when you can’t get her up is also reasonable. Someone who is half-dead from exhaustion isn’t at their best for either their family or their patients.” mercifulalien
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were not a jerk for letting your wife sleep, considering how tired she was, you did it with good intentions but from her perspective, missing out on family time, especially after expressing a desire to be woken up, might have felt like a missed opportunity to connect with you and the kids.
Acknowledging her feelings and validating her disappointment can help.” Loud-Economist-3092
2. AITJ For Yelling At My Sister Over Her Negative Comments About My Wedding Plans?
“I (29F) am planning my wedding for September of this year. It’s the end of summer and also the month I met my fiancé.
My sister, Cat (33F), was supposed to get married five years ago, but her partner died in a motorcycle accident. She was devastated and had a hard time. Since then, she’s been very gloomy, and her relationships don’t last long. She goes to therapy on and off.
When I told my family that I was getting married, Cat was visibly sad, so my mom asked me to involve her in the planning and to ask for her opinion to make her feel part of it. However, she didn’t agree with my choice of September, thinking it’s a bad month for a wedding.
She also didn’t like the colors I picked or the dress I wanted. I tried to listen to her sometimes.
At one point, she said, “I can’t believe you’ll be the first daughter MY (not our) father is going to walk down the aisle.” I was gutted by her comment.
I’m not having a religious ceremony; my fiancé’s best friend got a license to officiate our marriage, so it’s not that serious. With that in mind, I’m planning the wedding to reflect our personalities. My best friend suggested that the bridesmaids wear different colored dresses, but my sister didn’t agree.
She made some comments like, “It’ll look like a gay pride parade,” and “You’re turning your wedding into a gay wedding by listening to all your friend’s suggestions.” Yes, my best friend is gay, but we have similar tastes, so his opinions are highly valued because they match mine.
Last week, we were organizing the entrance of our bridesmaids and best men. In our culture, we call them “godfathers/godmothers,” and they enter together. I told her that my best friend would enter with his partner. My sister then said my wedding was going to be “an absolute circus” and that, as my older sister, she should make me see reason.
She insisted that two men shouldn’t enter the ceremony together because not all guests would understand and appreciate it. Her comments were very annoying and homophobic.
She continued with her remarks and even called my fiancé to get his opinion. At some point, I was fed up and yelled, “You’re out of line because this is my wedding and not yours.
Have your own wedding and plan it as you want.” I was very angry, and my mom came from the garden to see what was happening. Cat started crying and went to her room. It’s been five days, and she’s giving me the silent treatment.
She told my mom that she won’t be attending my wedding. It’s very annoying; she tries to make me feel uncomfortable. For example, if she’s in the kitchen and I enter, she leaves.
Yesterday, my mom said I should apologize because my sister is fragile and this topic makes her suffer.
However, I don’t think I’m that much of a jerk. My mom said that yelling at her was a jerk move, even if I was right.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I am sorry for your sister’s loss, truly. It sounds as though she has yet to finish her grieving process and this is very very triggering for her.
Every bride deserves the wedding they want as long as it’s done with respect and in congruency with their partner’s wishes. Everyone else is sidelined and an attendee. Your sister is ruining what should be a joyful time. Your mom is enabling her behavior by making you the bad guy.
You need to sit your parents down and discuss with them all the things your sister has done and tell them she clearly needs help and you don’t appreciate having to put up with her mistreatment of you because she’s in a fragile state.
Your happiness is just as important as her grief. She’s planning the wedding she and her fiance would have had and is not ready to accept this is YOUR ceremony and day.” Someday_wonderful
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Apparently, it’s family members sticking up for unpleasant people who act unpleasant to the point one loses their temper around them day.
Yes, adults like OP should be able to control their temper and moderate their behavior. But – we have a saying for this – people who can dish it out but not take it. People like OP’s sister can’t expect to be aggressively rude, demeaning, negatively opinionated, and unpleasant without having some pushback on that.
And if they ignore more gentle social cues, they’re going to get a verbal shotgun unloaded in their face. Tell your mom that the problem isn’t that sister is too sensitive, it’s that she’s too insensitive and maybe your mom should get on that problem with some belated parenting efforts to help your sister adjust course out of being unpleasant.” Curious-One4595
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your mom is surprisingly and annoyingly useless here. She should be helping keep your sister in line and minimally should be apologizing for the issue she created by requesting that you involve your sister, who seems incapable of contributing to your wedding planning in a constructive way.
They’re both jerks here as far as I’m concerned. I give your sister a fair amount of latitude because this must be extremely painful for her. It might have been kinder and more effective from the jump to ask her what type of involvement she’d like to have – she might have preferred little to none, or perhaps you could have given her specific tasks or areas that she’d be planning.
As it is, she’s behaving miserably and offensively, and I don’t see how you could have really escaped this situation without some type of blow-up. I really don’t know how much you should be trying to make amends with her, but her behavior is ridiculous and petulant, and I wonder if she’s been a bit too indulged by your family at this point.” owls_and_cardinals
1. AITJ For Wanting My Wife's Family To Stay In A Hotel Due To Their Disruptive Sleeping Habits?
“My wife (36f) and I (35M) have been married for 7 years and have a 5-year-old son. My wife has 4 siblings, 2 brothers and 2 sisters. Her brothers live far away and she isn’t very close to them. Both her sisters live within 2 hours of us and the three of them are very close.
Both of her sisters have 2 kids.
Her youngest sister, Jen (25F), has a 3-year-old and a 1-year-old. Jen, her husband, and their kids came to visit us this past weekend for Memorial Day. We have 3 bedrooms in our house. Our master, our son’s room, and a smaller guest room.
My wife decided on her own that we would let Jen and her family have our bedroom.
Apparently, Jen’s kids aren’t the best sleepers at home and if they are in an unfamiliar place, it’s even worse. So, my wife offered Jen our room so all of them could be in one room and my wife and I would sleep in the guest room.
Turns out, that by “bad sleepers,” Jen meant that her kids wake up multiple times a night and then wake up for good at 5 am every single day. I don’t know about anyone else, but the last thing I want to do on a weekend is be woken up by a screaming baby at 5 am 3 days in a row.
It wasn’t just the crying baby, but the fact that Jen and her husband would also be running around getting whatever the baby needed.
The commotion woke our son up, who then woke my wife and me up. Every day at 5 am. I spent the entire weekend tired and cranky.
To make things worse, Jen and her husband would take naps together whenever one of their kids was napping. Which left my wife and I to watch their non-napping kid.
I complained to my wife about being tired and she told me that her sister and BIL need the rest more than we do because this is their life every day so we should help them get at least a little bit of a break.
But by the time Jen and her family left on Monday, all I wanted to do was sleep. Which I did, immediately after they left.
My wife got upset with me for napping because our son was also tired and cranky and was fighting her on everything.
She woke me up so that she could take a break. I later told her that next time her sister wants to come visit, they need to get a hotel because their kids’ sleeping habits are clearly disruptive to our entire family.
She told me that she isn’t going to tell her sister to fork out hundreds for a hotel room when we have the space for them in our house.
She also said that Jen’s kids will become better sleepers as they get older.
I told her that every decision she is making prioritizes her sister over me and our son and she got defensive and told me I’m being a jerk. Maybe I’m far enough removed from the baby stage that I’ve blocked it out, but I don’t remember ever being so disruptive to anyone when we were guests in their house.
They are supposed to come visit us again on the 4th of July and I’m already dreading it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wife shouldn’t make the decision to invite them and offer up your bedroom without your agreement. And you need to insist that her dictatorship ends.
But, if she chooses to do so, she certainly shouldn’t expect you to babysit her non-sleeping kid or deal with your cranky kid when she brings these things on herself. I‘d insist that they get a hotel room and that if not, you’ll get your own hotel room.
Failing that, I’d either find a different place to crash or refuse to leave your room when they’re there. Your wife doesn’t just get to volunteer you or your property without your agreement. And frankly, people who want to make their own decisions don’t need to be married and you don’t deserve to be married to someone who ignores your wishes and sacrifices your well-being and the well-being of your child to benefit her sister.
Sounds like she needs to marry her sister.” saintandvillian
Another User Comments:
“You obviously have the right to refuse to host them again but I don’t think it’s the best move. Your in-laws weren’t trying to be bad guests, they just have small kids and many small kids are just bad sleepers.
Your wife was trying to be a kind and gracious host and doesn’t mind dealing with a little unpleasantness because she loves her sister. People will say you’re not a jerk because you’re entitled to be comfortable in your own home. But your wife clearly values having her sister visit and it’s her home too, so perhaps you can find a way to compromise and deal with a tolerable amount of unpleasantness because you love your wife?
Consider limiting visits to one night until their kids are a little older and establishing some ground rules to help mitigate the worst of the issues. At the end of the day, your wife’s opinion of you matters a lot more than strangers’. And I’m sure you’d want her to find a way to compromise if it were something that was important to you instead.” mandy_croyance
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Your wife – should have discussed giving your bedroom up before doing so. Your sister-in-law and brother-in-law – should have napped separately. You – For thinking you can just dictate her family coming over or not coming over!… Also for thinking when you had a baby and slept at people’s houses, it wasn’t incredibly inconvenient for them – it was.
Think about it this way, seeing her sister makes your wife happy it seems like at most it is every second month – is she ever inconvenienced to make you happy? Marriage is sometimes sacrificing to see our partners happy.” Icy_Yam_3610
