People Unravel The Intricacies Of Their "Am I The Jerk?" Situations
20. AITJ For Refusing To Be Friends With My Abusive Ex On Social Media?
“I (37F) had a relationship with a very controlling, emotionally abusive partner (currently 42) from age 19-24. I am now very happy in a relationship with my partner of nearly 8 years, and things are like night and day.
I really don’t want to go into specifics unless I must, but my ex actively gaslighted and poisoned me against the people who truly loved me, like my parents, co-workers, fellow college students, family, and long-time friends.
He always had something negative to say about them and the reason that I should be with him instead. Any time I dissented, there was yelling, throwing things, and being told how stupid I was. He waited until people left the house and then a switch went off. It was terrifying and traumatic. When I left him, he stalked me at my job.
I wanted (and still want) nothing to do with him.
My friend and I have known each other for almost 20 years. Through some unfortunate circumstances, she was roommates with my ex’s new partner for several years. I tried my best to be nice. The new, younger partner disliked me—most of her information came from my ex, so of course I was the WORST in her eyes.
He actively put me down or just glared at me like a creep while I tried to make the best of a nightmare situation.
Well, after quite a few years of living with him in his parents’ garage, his partner wised up, and left him.
Ever since then, he’s tried to follow me on social media, and it puts an ice ball in my stomach.
I don’t want him to know anything about me.
My friend doesn’t understand and feels sorry for him. My ex recently joined a social media platform and requested us both as friends. I immediately responded with many vomit gifs and said “HAHAHAHAHA! No.” She told me I was being dramatic, and that she felt sorry for him.
I love her, but I don’t think she knows the extent of his cruelty.
She said “Be better, not bitter”, “How would you feel if he died today” and I lost my patience. I sent her a detailed message explaining why I choose to remain NC.
Am I protecting myself, or AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If other people wanted you to write nicer things about them, they would have treated you better. Furthermore, if your “friend” continues to side with your abuser over you, I would seriously reconsider if that’s the kind of oblivious disloyalty you need in your new life.” Elesia
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are protecting yourself – because if your ‘friend’ feels oh so bad for him, she may just slip up and give him more personal info on you to try and “mend the relationship” or to force you to be the “better person”.
If she still feels sorry for him after your explanation, I would cut her off too. Abuser sympathizers are dangerous.” QuincyGrace
Another User Comments:
“She is not your friend plain and simple. You shouldn’t have to give extensive details of why you feel unsafe about someone. She should block him and be done. What’s she trying to achieve by saying she feels sorry for him?
And possibly accepting his friend request. I think you need to have a stern conversation about boundaries and loyalty in friendship and if she doesn’t wise up then cut her off too. You have come so far to get yourself away from that kind of abuse. You don’t need someone who is supposedly on your side to drag you back.
Good luck!” Difficult_Jello_7751
19. AITJ For Telling My Stepmother I Don't Care About Her Religion?
“My dad married my stepmother when I was 7. They were together since I was 4. She’s very religious. My dad became very religious after marrying her. My mom is not religious and leans more agnostic.
I am definitely more like my mom when it comes to religion. In part because my extended family are all similar in belief. After my dad married my stepmother they wanted me to be part of their religion but my mom said no. I have been to church with them but that’s about it and I never liked going.
It’s boring and to me it’s all fake and there are cruel elements to it.
Now that I’m 16 and I have younger half siblings there is more of a pressure on me to conform and be religious too. They have tried talking me around, but mostly my stepmother. She’s a jerk about the whole thing.
She is always telling me to study the bible, telling me I should get involved in church activities. We got into a huge fight three years ago because I refused to attend a church camp. My mom didn’t want me to go but left the decision to me. Knowing it was my decision annoyed my stepmother so much.
She told me I was rejecting a fun opportunity. I told her I didn’t want anything to do with church and I definitely didn’t want my summer dominated by it.
Even three years later it’s a huge issue because my half siblings often ask me why I don’t go to church with them anymore and why I don’t have a really biblical name, etc. My stepmother doesn’t like me being honest with them and my dad has her back.
The other day it got heated because she told me I was disrespecting the family religion and how ashamed I should be to live a life without god. I told her I don’t care about her religion and she needs to back off because she’s making it more and more unlikely that I will ever tolerate anything religious again.
She and my dad called me disrespectful and rude.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Good for you for standing your ground! NTJ. However, I hope you explain to your stepsibs that sometimes adults find that they believe different things or have different relationships with God. Something that says ‘do what your parents say for now, you’ll get a choice later’ without flat out saying it.” Lyrina8
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you are in the U.S. most states allow the kid to decide which parent they want to live with once they turn 14. If you live in one of those states you should talk to your mom and let her know if they keep infringing on your rights to religious freedom you would prefer to no longer visit your dad.
If he cares about having a relationship with you then he will get his wife under control and tell her to stop harassing you.” [deleted]
18. AITJ For Not Wanting My Ex's Wife To Overstep Her Role With Our Twins?
“My (25F) ex (27M) and I have a pair of twins (4 M&F), we never married but my ex and I agreed that it was better if the kids spent more time with me since until 2 years ago he used to travel a lot for work, during one of these trips he met Adria (32F) and they got married a year ago.
She’s quite nice and I actually like her, but she’s too intrusive regarding our kids, she doesn’t like to be called “Adda” (that’s what they call her) and believes that since she’s married to their father they can call her ”Mama” or ”Mama Adda” but I don’t want my kids to call another woman mom.
She also imposes her beliefs and tries to take them to church and pray every night even when the kids refuse and my ex and I have told her that we don’t want to impose any religion on them and let them choose on their own when they grow up (my ex is catholic but he had a hard time accepting religion into his life since his family tried to force it on him during his teen years).
She also scolds my kids if they are interested in ”things for the other gender”, since they are a girl and boy they are usually playing with each other all the time, if my boy wants to play football in the garden my girl goes with him and if my girl wants to play with her barbies my boy plays with her.
There are times when they do those things on their own and neither my ex nor I see any problem with that, they’re just kids playing with toys but she doesn’t agree and says that we will confuse them.
After we sat her down and told her all of this her behavior has improved a little, I know she still doesn’t agree with us, but she let them be.
Yesterday she came to my house to pick up the twins and she asked me if she could take them to a camp. I asked what kind of camp and she said that it was the ”mommy-kids bonding” camp that the church was advertising. I immediately said no and that she wasn’t their mom, plus we said no church regarding the kids.
She gave me the stink eye and left with the babies, but now is sending me messages telling me that if my kids grow up hating her it’ll be my fault because I don’t let her have a say or a proper relationship and called me a jerk.
I’ve been told before that I’m not willing to let her fit into the motherly role and that’ll cause problems in the future, I always say that’s because she’s not the mother but I’m starting to think that maybe that’s something bad?
She still has a say in lots of things, but I don’t think she should do it regarding religion, and certainly not if something is dividing my TWIN kids in gender roles.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I don’t think you have to let your kids go to one of those indoctrination centers. They offer those just to start the brainwashing early.
But as a divorced parent, my advice would be to let the kids decide what to call her. She will never replace you but you do risk alienating your kids if you take too hard of a line.” Ok-Sugar1238
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your kids will hate her anyway for forcing the relationship, forcing them to call her Mama, go to church, forcing them to pray, etc. The ‘things for the other gender’ is soo weird.
She’s damaging their relationship. You’re protecting your children. What is your ex doing in all this? He needs to step up and keep the crazy lady away from his kids.” MrsJonesy2012
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You and your ex have agreed admirably on how to co-parent your babies, and Adria wants to insert herself into that agreement and start changing things to reflect HER views.
Don’t back down, because as you have been maintaining, YOU are their mother, not her. You were right to refuse to let her take them to a church camp; it doesn’t even matter that it was a “mother-child” camp (although that is certainly concerning). This was an obvious attempt to slip in some religious indoctrination under the radar.” moonebeam
17. AITJ For Making My Own Cakes After My Coworker Ignored My Request Not To?
“So, I’ve (25f) been working at a grocery store bakery for about 4 years. At the beginning of this year, I finally got the chance to train as a cake decorator, a position I’ve wanted to train for since I started. I got the chance after both our cake decorators quit.
A few months into my training, our new cake decorator was hired, who we will call CD. (There have been some issues already with CD but I’m gonna focus on the relevant info for this specific situation)
I put in a cake order for the day before Thanksgiving, with a note attached to the order saying not to do it as I will be working on it for my family.
My in-laws have been very excited about my training and couldn’t wait to see my progress. I was very excited to make these 2 small cakes and I had specific designs in mind so I didn’t put down any decorations on the form. Well, Wednesday rolls around and as soon as I step into the bakery, CD tells me she did my cakes.
I was stunned for a moment and mentioned that I left a note saying not to do them, thinking she must not have seen it. Her response was, “Yeah, I saw but they need you over there so I did them.” I was a little disappointed but said nothing of it. I figured worse comes to worst I won’t have time to do them anyways and I could take these ones and let the In-laws know there wasn’t enough time.
A few hours go by leaving just me and one other coworker. (not CD) Everything had been done except for cleaning and we had about 4 hours left. With so much extra time, I decided to do my cakes. I took the ones CD did and put them in the case. They sold very quickly so no cake went to waste.
My in-laws loved the cakes I did and were impressed with my progress.
Yesterday was my shift back from the holiday and I tried to start working on our sale items and I’m talking to the Assistant manager about the plan for the day. We went up to CD together and when the assistant manager started talking about what I was going to do, CD cut her off.
CD: ” I don’t care what OP does. She can do whatever she wants as long as it’s away from me. I’m not interacting with her.”
Keep in mind I’m literally in front of her and when I try to speak to her she completely ignores me. My AM tries to go talk to her about the situation and it evidently is about the 2 small cakes.
I felt bad and tried to ask if we could talk about it and was rudely told no.
My other coworkers say she’s being very petty about it and to try not to let it bother me, but it literally interferes with our work. I can’t get her to talk to me about anything, not even work-related stuff.
One of my friends says she probably feels her time was wasted or that her cakes weren’t good enough for me. I do feel bad she spent time to make them, but I did specifically leave a note not to do them. I don’t know. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“She’s being inappropriately territorial about her job and that’s something worth bringing up to the manager as it’s now interfering with your ability to do your necessary work with her.
And consider that her decision to ignore THE CUSTOMER’S REQUESTS on the cake order because she thinks she knows better is really poor service, and it would have been a disaster if it were someone other than you who could have fixed the problem yourself. That’s also something that should be brought up with her supervisor.
Coworker is being way too much of a diva. NTJ.” ParsimoniousSalad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Try to get your manager to handle her. She is being unprofessional, and it’s not something you should sort out on your own. I kinda feel the issue may not be about the cakes, maybe she wants to be the only cake decorator or something.” tatasz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She literally put herself in a position to be the victim. You left a note not to do them, they were for your family, you left no direction on what needed to be done. She took it upon herself to do it anyway, and now she wants to be hurt about doing something she was specifically asked not to do.” HopelessVetTech
16. AITJ For Getting A Man Banned From My Neighborhood After He Knocked On My Door At 1AM?
“I have huge windows that go down the sides of my front door. The other night, I heard knocking at my door while I was up working late (1 am). I checked on my front door camera and saw a guy who looked vaguely familiar and was freaked out so I didn’t answer. The same guy came back three more times and each time stared in my window.
The next morning I called the police about the incident and then gave them the footage from my camera. My neighbors also had footage of the guy coming up to my front porch multiple times. The police found the guy and he told them that he was knocking on my door because he knows me and wanted to apologize for his dog pooping on our front lawn (at 1 am…).
Apparently, our children go to school together and he knew my name. I have maybe seen him before, but I know I have never introduced myself to him so I don’t know how he knows my name.
The police officer told me I could ask them to press charges for peeping and I could also get them to send a letter to the HOA asking them to ban him.
I didn’t want to press charges but I did ask them to send the HOA a letter. Now the guy is banned from our neighborhood and this has caused drama among the school moms. Apparently, his wife is angry with me for “overreacting,” has accused me of racial profiling (he’s Black, although I’m also a POC), and has been telling people that I’m just a “Karen” who is trying to ruin their lives.
I’m really distraught because I absolutely didn’t intend to racially profile anyone and I don’t want to ruin their lives, but it was really scary having some random guy coming up to my porch and staring in the windows in the middle of the night. AITJ for getting him banned from my neighborhood?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m sorry, he thought it was appropriate to apologize at 1 a.m.? I call nonsense. If he was truly there to apologize, he should have done it like a normal person. Knock on the door. No answer? Leave a note. Get in your car and drive home. DO NOT WANDER AROUND THE PROPERTY LOOKING IN THE WINDOWS.
His wife is mortified at what he did and how inappropriate it is – so she’s downplaying it by acting like you’re the crazy one. Listen to your instincts OP. Something is very wrong with this guy.” MerryE
Another User Comments:
“Going to apologize for his dog pooping on your yard at 1 am is not normal behavior.
He also came back 3 times and watched through the window. This is frightening. It doesn’t matter the race, gender, or anything of the person doing this. You were right to not answer and to report him. He doesn’t even live in your neighborhood. I’m sorry you’re being blamed for getting stalked. But don’t give in to it.
You did the right thing.” witchlys
Another User Comments:
“He wasn’t coming to apologize at 1 AM. Does he apologize to people every time his dog poops on their lawns? No. His wife is a jerk. She’s using his race to make you look racist and him look like the victim except you don’t have a problem with his race.
You have a problem with him repeatedly creeping on you. Don’t drop the charges. NTJ” ComprehensiveBand586
15. AITJ For Getting My Supportive Sister A Nice Gift After She Helped Me Out?
“I come from a culture where arranged marriages are normal and out of my sisters (39,36,32), my oldest sister and I married our partners and were cut off by our parents mostly because our husbands weren’t wealthy enough for their standards.
My oldest sister Charlie was our parents’ least favourite, and I wasn’t particularly close to her because of our 10yr age difference.
After I eloped with my husband when I was 24 and got cut off, things got tight financially for us, we both lost our jobs and could barely afford rent. My in-laws had teenagers to take care of but they helped us here and there.
My parents wouldn’t talk to me and my two sisters who married doctors told me I should have let our parents get me a wealthy husband like they did them, ‘love’ doesn’t pay bills and they stopped picking up my calls. While I don’t blame them, that really hurt.
When we were evicted from our apartment, I called Charlie and she and BIL took us in, she advised me to go back on birth control till we were stable and helped me apply for jobs.
While they weren’t wealthy, they let us stay with them for a month. They rented us an apartment and paid a year’s worth of rent for us (I found out they used the money they’d been saving for a romantic getaway on us) and they told us not to pay back. Then my BIL got his friends to invest in my husband’s business.
I was able to get a better job.
All of this was over 4 years ago and for this Christmas we bought Charlie a new luxury car and my BIL an all-expense paid trip for their romantic getaway they canceled because of us (BIL keeps rejecting our gifts but we knew he wouldn’t say no to this).
BIL made a TikTok that went mini viral so now I have family I haven’t heard from in 5 years calling us and sending me msgs on social media calling us stingy for being ‘wealthy’ and not sharing. We feel a bit guilty but me more. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re giving back to those who first believed and invested in you.
The family that kicked you out and ignored you, until they learned of your success, deserved a lump of coal for Christmas.” Individual_Ad_9213
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I think it’s fairly obvious you showed gratitude to people who treated you with kindness during a time of need. Ask your family why they are stingy and never shared with you if they are supposed to be wealthy due to their doctor husbands” Glum_Truck_724
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Look, I’ll be blunt and say that what you did is most definitely a good thing. Your sister and BIL helped you out. Now you’ve thrived and reciprocated their kindness, neh? Good all around. Then consider your… other relatives: they perpetuated a toxic (and dare I say idiotic) mindset, cut you off, and left you to flounder.
Probably slandering you as the bad sheep to any who’d listen. But now? They smell money and want to take what they can. Cut off those leeches and write them out of your will. Frankly, it’d not surprise me if your other sisters started moaning and whining about their husbands being unfaithful to them, arranged marriages tend to be unhappy ones.
Keep on doing good, if you have kids then be certain to tell them your story and keep away from arranged marriages.” [deleted]
They wouldn’t help you when you needed it so you have NO REASON to help them AT ALL… that the reason you help Charlie and bil is because THEY didn’t turn their back on you and as such you CHOSE to repay their kindness
14. AITJ For Leaving My House Because My Stepkids Asked Me To?
“I have 3 daughters from my current marriage (1,4,6,-all girls) and 2 stepkids (14,15-both boys). They are not fans of me at all, they think I stole their dad from their mom and don’t like that I’m around. They don’t like their siblings much either, they’re not mean, very respectful, they just don’t enjoy us.
They spend as much time here (with their dad) as they want, they prefer to be here when they know I won’t (I used to take intermittent trips away that were work-related).
Lately I’ve been receiving fewer trips out due to certain circumstances, and I’ve been given the opportunity to work from home. Because of this the steps don’t wanna come over.
It’s Delaney’s (oldest stepson’s) birthday this past weekend and he wanted to come over and use the pool and home theater for a get-together with some of his friends.
He told his Dad he didn’t want me around and asked if I would leave. His dad said no, but he approached me and I wasn’t gonna ruin his birthday over it, so I got an AIRBNB and took the girls for a “mommy week”. My husband was away in Milwaukee for a family emergency before the kids arrived. I told him I was leaving, I now know he thought I was kidding.
I stayed until the boys came and asked one last time if they were sure they didn’t want me there. They said they’d prefer if I left so I took the girls and went, I assumed they were old enough to manage on their own for 3 days (their dad came back Wednesday – they were there the whole week).
My husband came home Wednesday morning and was upset I wasn’t with the boys. The boys were fine, the house was a little messy, but things were fine all the same. My husband thinks it was immature of me to leave the kids home alone (we have a working security system with cameras and the neighbors did check in) just because they asked. He said that by me leaving I showed the kids we weren’t a united family and that they were allowed to pretend we (myself and our daughters) don’t exist. AITJ for leaving cause they asked me to?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Are any of you in family therapy? To help the boys adjust to their new reality? Your husband should be taking charge and helping with the situation, but it does seem like you undermined him. You leaving because they want you to isn’t helping anyone, it is just likely to put the idea in their head they can make you leave permanently.
It does seem kind of stupid you leaving every time they want to come over just because they demand it. That does show a weakness in your relationship they can exploit and manipulate; which they did. It is your home, not a leisure center they can book in advance and ask tenants to vacate. Birthday or not.
Also, you left a group of minors home alone without any form of adult supervision and without letting any responsible adult know.” Top_Canary7694
Another User Comments:
“Your 15-year-old stepson invited all of his 15-year-old friends to his birthday party then told you to hit the road and YOU DID? For THREE DAYS? Wow. Just wow.
Your husband was wrong, though, to say you’re immature. No, the kids could have burned the house down or died of booze poisoning so I’d go with INSANE YTJ.” EffectivePath3
Another User Comments:
“I think 3 days is too long to leave kids under 16 alone. However, NTJ, because you thought your husband knew you wouldn’t be there (you told him and didn’t realize he thought you were joking until later), and they’re his kids, his responsibility.
I think the only other thing you should have done was give their mom a heads up before you left and made sure it was OK with her.” Comfortable_Stop_717
13. AITJ For My Dad Finding Out About My Stepmom's Insults?
“I (14m) live with my mother and 2 older brothers (20m) and (21m). My oldest brother got into a fight with my stepmother over a chair, mind you, and my second brother just stopped coming. Sometimes I go to my dad’s because I feel bad that his other kids stopped coming and I love him.
My mom and dad split up when I was young which never really bothered me. Although he got married to my stepmother (46f), she has never really liked me and I sort of understand. I’m her ex’s wife’s kid but she has 5 kids of her own. The youngest (15m) is who I normally hang out with when I’m there.
It has to be noted that he is a bit of a jerk sometimes but I get over it.
I went down there last Christmas and the 1st week I was there, my stepbrother and I got in a fight because he wouldn’t stop pestering me so I went to my room. He kept trying to bother me and my father wasn’t home so I went to my stepmother.
I told her that “Jake (stepbrother) wouldn’t stop messing with me and if you could tell him to stop.” She replied with “how about you tell him to stop yourself” (it’s important to note I’m a little chubby and Jake is a lot bigger than I am). I told her “he is your son and I can’t make him stop, I’ve tried.” She said “stop being dramatic and tell him to stop” so I told her that “her son is a lot bigger than me and he is being a jerk right now.” She replied, “well maybe if you weren’t so fat you could fight.”
I was in shock. I just said “wow” and then went to the garage and called my grandma to come and pick me up (she lives close by) and I left the next week. My dad didn’t really ask much, I just told him I was homesick. A few months went by and I told my oldest brother what happened and he was furious.
He called my stepmother and went off on her then called my dad and told him what she said. Right now I’m getting texts from my dad telling me I’m sorry and my stepmother and stepbrother are telling me I’m a jerk for tearing her family apart. I feel really bad because my dad is really mad at her and my stepbrother and is kicking them out!
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is the jerk here, and your dad deserved to know what she told you right away. Your dad is way better off without her and is doing the right thing for standing up for you and kicking her out.” ed_lv
Another User Comments:
“You did not ruin your stepmother’s relationship — she did that, all on her own.
You did not tear your stepmother’s family apart — she did that, with her awful, irresponsible behavior. You did not kick your stepmother out of your dad’s house — your dad did that, after your stepmom ruined their relationship. There is no way that this is happening just because of this one thing. Obviously, there have been problems in your dad’s second marriage for years.
This was just the straw that broke the camel’s back. Your stepmother should have been treating you with love, care, acceptance, and support all of these years. I am so sorry you did not get the good treatment you deserved. Block your stepmother and your stepbrother from your phone and all of your social media accounts, and never look back.
Then tell your dad how much you appreciate him doing the right thing and standing up for you, and tell him that if you ever need him to have your back in the future, you’ll make sure to let him know that.” cat-lover76
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is in no way your fault. Your two older brothers stopped going to your father’s house because of nonsense with the steps.
Your father may be really mad at them, but it’s not completely because of what happened with you. It’s a “straw that broke the camel’s back “situation. He is justifiably angry at his wife and stepson for rotten behavior. If he has thrown them out, they brought it on themselves. Based on what you have said this isn’t your father overreacting to a one-time thing, it’s behavior that’s been going on for a while.
And my guess is if he’s been jerky it’s not just you and your brothers but other people in your father’s family. Your stepbrother’s probably been jerky to your father. And your father was probably willing to put up with it, for his wife’s sake, when it was aimed at him.” TeeKaye28
12. AITJ For Refusing To Split The Cost Of A Gift With My High-Income Sister?
“Every year, my (20) siblings, parents, and I get each other gifts for Christmas. A few days ago, my sister asked if I would want to split a gift with her for my parents.
She wants to buy them a one-week vacation somewhere, which would cost a few thousand dollars. I said no right away.
My sister just got a job (she just graduated) and is now a nurse making $55 an hour. She gets paid bi-weekly and makes like 3k every 2 weeks. I have been working at a bagel shop making min wage (15 hr) and I’m saving up most of my money to go on a trip to Colorado with my cousins in February (this will cost a few thousand).
I told my sister that even though she wants to get our parents a nice gift, it’s not at all fair that she is expecting us to split the cost when she makes almost 4x more than I do, and when she doesn’t have to save for anything and I am.
I also reminded my sister that I made a vow never to split a gift with her for my parents again.
A few years ago, we split a gift for them, and when the present was given to them, my sister said it was only from her. In my opinion, parents also expected a gift from me and I had to tell them I split the gift with my sister. I confronted her after and asked her why she would say the gift was only from her when it wasn’t, and she said “you wouldn’t have even gotten them a gift anyways if I didn’t ask you to split it”.
Then I vowed never to split anything with my sister ever again.
My sister is calling me a bad son and brother for not splitting the cost, but I told her to kick rocks and she can shell out the funds for a vacation herself.
I’m not sure if I’m the jerk because my parents do deserve a vacation, but I can’t afford it right now.
I’m still getting them a gift though, in the $100 range. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t know why people make such a fuss over this. If you can’t afford it, you can’t afford it. It’s that simple. Stick to your budget.” Lola_M1224
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it’s awesome that she wants to do something so nice, but you can’t be expected to pay that kind of money on a gift right now.
Also, you already know what kind of person she is regarding gift giving so stick to your guns and don’t split with her.” MamaofTwinDragons
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Lesson learned–I don’t blame you she really threw you under the bus the last time you split the gift with her. You are not a bad son or brother!!
You can get them a gift you can afford and sister mighty-bucks can get her own gift. Everyone is happy. Merry Christmas.” [deleted]
11. AITJ For Yelling At A Man Who Let His Dog Off Leash Near My Traumatized Rescue Dog?
“So I lost my temper on someone today for the first time in my adult life.
My dog is small, he’s a rescue who was injured by a big dog and put up for free.
He’s terrified of big dogs but we’ve been making good progress.
One of my biggest pet peeves (pun intended) is people letting their dog off-leash on trails where that’s not allowed. Until today they’ve always come from the opposite side so I notice, pick up my pup, and pass by.
Today, a huge labradoodle blasted past me at a full sprint inches from my leg and my dog.
I almost made a mess in my pants. I have PTSD that can make me jumpy and I hate being scared. My dog jumped sideways and got scared but didn’t bark! I scooped him up and just reflexively roared
SCREEEEWWWW YOUUUUUUUU
I turn around and this guy is definitely a cop or military. Beefy bald boomer with an authoritative tone and was de-escalating but in my opinion, pulling a power play.
Important context, he has a daughter there who’s ~13 and had a real surprised face.
He says “it’s okay she’s friendly” and doesn’t try to get the dog.
I yelled I DON’T GIVE A DARN WHAT YOUR DOG IS! MINE IS TRAUMATIZED BY AN ATTACK AND HATES BIG DOGS.. AND WHEN HE BITES YOUR DOG? YOU’RE MATURE ENOUGH TO KNOW BETTER.
He says sorry but still makes no effort to get his dog. It’s circling us as we try to walk away. He adds “she’s the type of dog that likes to run in long stretches.”
GO TO A DOG PARK! THIS IS ILLEGAL YOU CAN GET FINED.
Still no attempt “I know, I said I’m sorry.”
WE HAVE BEEN SOCIALIZING HIM AND YOU JUST UNDID A YEAR OF WORK.
His dog is just walking with us now. He says “I said I’m sorry let’s just move on now.”
There was a bit of a pause where nothing was happening, we’re walking and his dog is right with us while they stay the same consistent distance behind us.
My fiancée and I break at the same moment and she says “Do you HAVE a leash?” while I was saying “get your darn dog!” and he finally goes yeah I do have a leash and called his dog. They walked behind us silently for the 5-minute walk back to the car so I couldn’t put my dog down again until we got there.
I felt justified but my sister said I went too far if he was trying to de-escalate. She said that the first screw you was a reflex, but continuing from there when he had his daughter there made me a jerk cause I might have scared her or hurt their relationship. Also that they may not have tried to get their dog because I was aggressive so I might have been the one prolonging the situation.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Dogs (and children) pick up a lot of emotional context from you – the other dog isn’t the one who “undid a year of work”. That was you. Don’t scream around your traumatized dog.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk, your energy and aggression levels were far higher than was reasonable, especially when met with calm and apologies.
“WE HAVE BEEN SOCIALIZING HIM AND YOU JUST UNDID A YEAR OF WORK.” You did far more damage to your dog’s socializing than he did. Your dog has now had an experience where you showed him what to do in a situation like this, which is to respond with loud aggression. Good job OP! “Beefy bald boomer with an authoritative tone..” So you’re describing him to us using derogatory terms?
Nice. “..and was de-escalating but in my opinion pulling a power play.” Based on your description, you’re the one who was pulling a power play. One-sided aggression like this is outright about taking control and being in charge.” ipofex
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You super overreacted and I was prepared to say you are the jerk, but then the tide turned with the rest of this.
He didn’t leash his dog after all of that and the dog continued to follow you? And then they followed you and didn’t pause for a bit to let you just go on your way? I think you are justified. BTW, I have a very small dog. She’s under 4 pounds. I carry bear spray or pepper spray with me for just this reason.
People are idiots and think their dogs off-leash (in areas where it’s not legal) is “just fine”. No, no it isn’t.” Lola_M1224
10. AITJ For Not Wanting To Invite My Estranged Brother To My Wedding?
“For a little background, my brother is 11 years older than me, from my mom’s previous husband, and we have never gotten along.
Our relationship had always been contentious at best. He’s the golden child.
He can do no wrong since “he had a tough life as a youngin’, give him a break.” After mom and her husband divorced, our great grandma and great uncle raised him when mom was going to school and working. Her entire family knows him well and, while he didn’t get everything he wanted, he never went without and was always loved and supported.
Meanwhile, I was the second kid. Still have my dad, my family only really knows me as “mom’s kid” or “brother’s sister”. I’ve seen any of them a maximum of twice a year. Great grandma was the sole exception, and she always spent her time talking with the parents or my brother, and shooing me off to be out of the way.
My brother has always blamed me and my birth for the death of our great uncle, his favorite, as he died shortly after I was born. Dumb, I know, but that’s his way of thinking. He always hated me. I can’t recall more than a handful of times we’ve gotten along, however briefly.
16 years ago, while I was a teenager, he accused me of doing something absolutely horrible, and it split the family.
Some members still don’t really talk to me, even though, as far as I’m aware, no one knows what actually happened. They know he and I don’t speak, but some have chosen to not talk to me because of it. My aunt was one of them.
After not seeing him for 6 years, he showed up to the family reunion, which he hadn’t been going to.
We still didn’t speak for another 4 years.
Mom begged us to try and reconcile. We’ve both agreed to her (not to each other’s face) that we would be civil for her sake.
I’ve never gotten an apology. He and I have barely talked to each other over the 6 years, I think we’ve spoken directly to each other for less than 5 hours….
Total. He had never attempted to have a relationship with me that wasn’t argumentative.
Mom wants me to invite him and his family to my wedding. I don’t speak to any of them on a regular basis. When we do talk, we have nothing in common. I don’t want to invite them due to both bad history and zero relationship.
To me, it’s akin to inviting someone you don’t know to an intimate gathering, which seems wrong to me. And since he has never given me any reason to believe that he wants any kind of familial relationship, I don’t want him there.
My mom is always telling me to “be the bigger person and get over it.
He’s family!”
WIBTJ to not invite him and tell her why when she asks?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Family is family, but your wedding is about you, not them, about the family you will be building. And if there are members of your current family group that have ostracized you, excluded you, or treated you poorly, why would you invite that to continue in your life, or potentially your children’s lives?
As for your mother, consider if (honest consideration is hard, but try to be dispassionate) the reason for her request is more about her desire for her family harmony, or what is best for you. And, my 2¢. In any case, there is a lot of history and animosity in your family, and releasing your feelings about that can only be a benefit to you.
It’s not about whether they apologize or even if you forgive them for what they did or not. It’s about you doing what you need to do, to drop those negative feelings from your life. Apologies are about politeness and respect. Forgiveness is about healing. But moving on, is about helping you to live a better life.
You can move on, deny those negative memories any place in your life, and build strong foundations.” DoneWithIt_66
Another User Comments:
“You will not be a jerk if you don’t invite him. If your mom asks, gently point out that there was a time to attempt fostering a sibling bond between the two of you.
It was when you were both children and she could have set very strict boundaries on his behavior toward you. When you were a little older and you could have both attempted family therapy. At this point, too much water has passed under the bridge. So, she will always be your mother. You will never ask her to choose between her children.
You’re just asking her to respect your choice not to put yourself in the path of someone who has resorted to making accusations that damaged familial relationships permanently.” screwedbygenes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your wedding, you want things the way you’ll enjoy or remember fondly. Having people you don’t know, let alone who hate you, is not going to make it happen.
Your mother is being selfish and deluded thinking she can force a cordial relationship out of the train wreck she allowed to happen is honestly ridiculous. Stay firm on what you prefer or believe, no reason to put yourself under undue stress on a day to remember even if your mother doesn’t like it” denasher
9. AITJ For Wanting To Rehome My Husband's Old Cat Due To Its Aggression?
“My husband and I have been living together for 1 year. When we moved in together, I brought my 3-year-old American Bully, while he brought his 18-year-old cat. We tried to introduce them to one another by initially separating them, then by introducing them to each other’s smells, followed by letting them see each other whilst at a safe distance.
They appeared to get along, but after a day, the cat began making its dislike for the dog VERY clear.
In response to this, we’ve taken to keeping the cat and dog separated by gates when there is no one around to supervise them. When we’re around, we splash them with a small amount of water if the cat begins to “fight” with the dog, which worked for a while, until recently, when the cat became relentless in its efforts to go after the dog, even after being splashed with water.
As such, we took the cat to our local vet to assess it for any issues. The vet told us that he is perfectly healthy. Another issue that we have to consider is that I’m pregnant. While I’m not saying that the cat would definitely be nasty towards my baby, the way it has acted towards my dog has caused me to worry.
I brought up the idea of taking the cat to a cat sanctuary, where it would hopefully be able to find a new home, in a relaxing environment and without fear of being euthanized, since we can’t take it to any family members, since his family is refusing to have the cat, and my family is in the UK.
We argued nonstop about this for days, until my husband finally agreed to take his cat to said cat sanctuary. However, he is still pretty upset with me.
I feel really bad for my husband, however, I do feel like it was the right decision, not only for the dog, but our future baby.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely YTJ. It’s an 18-year-old cat. Not only is it incredibly unlikely to find a new home, but think about how stressful that would be for the poor thing. Please go back and save his cat. I’d honestly never forgive you if I was in his shoes.” Barrel-Of-Tigers
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, the cat is 18 YEARS OLD!
Who would want to adopt an 18-year-old cat with aggressive tendencies not to mention how hard it would be on the cat after living with someone for 18 years and then being rehomed? How about rehoming the dog? No? You don’t want to give up the poor dog? Didn’t think so as that would be just as bad!
Sorry but it’s on you to make it work and keep them separated.” Delusion2k21
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Like I don’t see how you don’t see that. And I absolutely hate to be this person, but if I was in your husband’s shoes this would end the marriage for me. How incredibly eye-opening it must be that he married a heartless person such as you.
That cat is 18 years old. Can you imagine someone asking you to re-home your animal after having it for 18 years? Despicable.” OutlanderWitch
8. AITJ For Being Upset My Mom Brought Her New Family To Parents Weekend?
“So my university had parents’ weekend and I was so excited for my mom to come visit. I planned a whole weekend for us and was literally counting down the seconds.
My dad is dead by the way which is why only my mom was coming.
My mom remarried after my dad died and had my half-siblings which was whatever. Like good for her glad she’s happy but I am not ready to move on and accept them as my family yet. I consider them to be my mom’s family and “my friends” so I am nice but not like close in any way.
So parents’ weekend comes around and I go to the airport to get my mom and guess what! She shows up with my stepdad and their kids. I was super annoyed at my mom but didn’t want to make a whole scene so I acted happy to see them all and then mentally scrapped my weekend plans with my mom and went out to dinner with them all.
They kept asking me questions about school, which I get, but I was honestly so disappointed and when I get frustrated I like silence, so I gave shorter answers and tried to change the topic and asked my half-siblings about school and my mom and stepdad about work.
That night after my half-siblings were sleeping I was going to leave the hotel (that I was really really excited to have a sleepover with my mom in) and I was crying a little.
My mom and stepdad asked me why I was upset and I told them it was a really long week at school and that I was blindsided by my mom. I told her that she may have a new family but I am not a part of it and that I was really excited to spend the weekend with her now that I am 21.
I thought we could go to the cute boutiques downtown and then go to bars and tailgate. I was full-on crying at this point, and my mom said I was being really rude. I told her that she was being selfish and it was already hard for me to be at my dad’s alma mater on parents’ weekend and that she was making it so much worse for me and really making it obvious that I don’t have a dad anymore/that he is easily replaceable.
My mom then cried and my stepdad said he was disappointed in me and I went back to my apartment. I barely saw them the rest of the weekend.
Edited to add: I’m 21f, dad died 13 years ago, mom remarried 10 years ago and I think it was pretty obvious that the plans were 21 up and mother/daughter things.
She also knew that I was sad about my dad that weekend.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It sounds like your expectations for the weekend weren’t shared with your mom, and you’re blaming your mom. Also, I saw your comment below about not being ready to accept your mother having remarried and having more children with someone other than your father.
You defend yourself with not being ready. What, in the name of all that is holy, will it take to “be ready” if not 13 years of resolving within yourself your father’s passing. Sounds to me as though you need to get into some counseling to help resolve your dad’s passing so you can move forward from it, rather than be stuck in it for the last 13 years.
The fact you told your mother you resented her “replacing” your dad screams, “I’m stuck at 8 years old and am still angry my father passed away, but he’s not here to yell at, so I’m blaming my mom!” Your mother waited an exceptionally reasonable amount of time before remarrying. She also has the right to move forward with her life.
Would you have preferred she wrap herself in a shawl, sit in a rocking chair, and live the life of a nun, so you could be happy, while she’s miserable? When would have it been better for your mother to have remarried? 10 years after she lost the love of her life? 15 years? 20? Never? You’re simply not being honest with yourself about your feelings on this whole matter and you’re being wildly unfair towards your mother.
You say you’re 21, but you sound SO much like a little girl throwing a temper tantrum. Get thee into counseling, child, and learn to accept the passing of your father. I’m not saying forget him, but your heart certainly has room in it to love more than one “father.” Also, you have siblings that you keep at arm’s length.
That has less to do with “whatever” and more to do with you not wanting to be hurt again. No man is an island, but you’re sure working hard to make that your world. Bottom line: there’s going to be a time you actually WANT a relationship with these people and be part of this family.
Let’s hope your pushing them away for so long hasn’t taken its toll and they no longer want anything to do with you.” NancyLouMarine
Another User Comments:
“Very gentle YTJ, assuming you didn’t make your expectations clear upfront. There has obviously been time since your dad died. Yes, you get to decide who to let in your life, but these people ARE your family.
Please, please seek out counseling to work through your grief before you lose your relationship with your mom.” oksccrlvr
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Seems both your mom and your stepdad would have shown some compassion and better understanding that your stepdad is not there to replace your dad. It’s not wrong for you to view your stepdad as not your parent and they need to respect that.
I’m guessing that they and your siblings were all excited to see you but failed to think about what you might want. This could have been avoided if your mom had just asked you about bringing everyone instead of surprising you with it.” EngineeringDry7999
7. AITJ For Refusing To Move To The Guest Room To Let My Unemployed Husband Sleep In?
“My M30 husband and I F29 have been married for 3 months.
The honeymoon phase is over and it was time for me to go back to work.
The issue is my husband stays up late at night (he’s unemployed at the moment. He was let go of his old job and is bitter about it. Every day I get to hear his “words of encouragement” like telling me to just go back to bed because it’s not worth it, “been there done that” etc.) And sleeps in until 10 or 11 in the morning while I have to get up at 8 am and get ready for work!
Recently, he’s been complaining about me interrupting his sleep in the morning by getting dressed. He says it’s annoying and first started asking me to get ready when the lights are off, move quietly, not spray perfumes, etc. I did my best not to disrupt his sleep but failed. The “last straw” was days ago when I accidentally dropped my laptop and woke him up.
He woke up and very firmly and with his eyes half open said he was done with my lack of consideration for him needing sleep and decided that I should move my stuff to the guest room and start sleeping there so I could get up whenever and get ready for work. I said excuse me?
But that was not an option. He made a face and asked if I enjoy waking him up so early knowing he goes to bed very late. I said 8 isn’t so early and maybe he should fix his sleeping habits. He got offended and insisted that I move to the guest room to have more freedom and him proper rest until he finds a job that requires him to wake up at the same time as me.
I said no I will not uproot myself so he could sleep in after staying up late.
He claimed I was purposely torturing and punishing him for not working even though love and respect are what make or break the marriage. He said he’d rather me stay with him anyway but I said he was speaking from an illogical point of view because we basically need money to live.
I can’t blow kisses at debts now can I? He said it’s not like he asked me to take the couch but still the guest room has a mattress only and is too small for my makeup and suits. He insisted that if I love and respect him then I’d move out of the bedroom but I refused and he kept looking upset over it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“HARD NTJ. He is UNEMPLOYED. He can go right back to sleep as soon as you leave…though 8 a.m. is not early enough to warrant that in my opinion. INFO: is he doing his fair share of housework at the very least???” sashikku
Another User Comments:
“NTJ he is your husband you are not his mother.
He is manipulating you three months into the marriage.
“he insisted that if I love and respect him then I’d move out of the bedroom” he is making you feel guilty which is a common tactic for manipulation. Seek marriage counseling.” DankKnightAd
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s hard to “respect” someone who is selfish, boorish, and pouting like a petulant child.
How disgusting that he is not only totally OK with you being the only breadwinner, but he also wants you to go sleep in lesser accommodations so he can get his beauty sleep and rest up to be…totally useless. And how messed up is he for trying to sabotage your job by pressuring you to miss or be late for work?
Astounding. My advice? Take his stuff and move it into the guest room.” llc4269
6. AITJ For Requesting Footage That Could Possibly Get Someone Fired Over Missing Packages?
“I (33F) and my husband (34M) recently moved to a new apartment. At our old apartment, we had 2 boxes go missing in 6 years (one was delivered to the wrong address, one lost/taken). That’s only 2 out of over a hundred, including all the Christmas and birthday presents for our kids that were mailed.
We have been in this new apt for under 4 months.
We’ve had 5 packages (out of maybe 10) go missing, from different carriers. The office told us we’d have to get a new cell number in order to buzz people into the building, and that only certain carriers get codes. Neighbors tell me that their packages keep getting stolen, but management doesn’t do anything. There are notes in the lobby to leave packages at the office instead of in the building, but that doesn’t happen.
I have seen employees come around in the golf cart to collect errant packages to supposedly hold in the office mailroom. The only other option given was to have things delivered directly to the leasing office and have them held there.
The most recent item to go missing was one that I sent directly to the office.
I chose for 2 items to be sent together so I didn’t have to drag the kids down to the office several times. I got notified that they had been delivered, so I called the office, and “Mike” told me yes, there were 2 packages for us. It was right before they closed, so I said I’d come in sometime in the next 2 days to get them.
When I did, a different employee, “Tina,” gave me one box, and I told her I talked to Mike and he said there were two, she told me he was on lunch break but she’d call me when he came back, maybe he had placed it somewhere else. Tina was obviously annoyed with me even though I didn’t get an attitude.
Things get moved in a mail room, whatever.
I waited 3 hours and they didn’t call. My husband was livid. He directly called the management company and basically said, it isn’t about this one particular item, but we should be able to have mail sent to our building, and now there are things going missing directly from the office, so it really isn’t a solution.
The office called him back about ten minutes later and said Amazon had just dropped it off. He came in to pick it up and right away Mike said, “I would never tell anyone they have two packages.” It wasn’t even the missing box, it was something from my MIL. The office manager took my husband aside and said it was Amazon’s fault.
My husband said it has been at least three different carriers, that their system is messed up, and now we can’t even rely on things being sent to the office. He left in a huff and now we are Those People.
They have cameras in the leasing office. They also claim to record all phone calls.
My husband wants to ask for the recordings. I know they can’t be paid much, but I also don’t want to have to rent a PO box just to get my mail. So, WIBTJ for calling back and asking for proof, at the possible expense of someone’s job?”
Another User Comments:
“No. They need to do their job and stop allowing mail thefts.
I’d also personally recommend you start reporting every package and put up a camera on your door. If someone takes it, even if it’s to the office, report it to the police. It seems over the top but after a few reports, all of it magically stops.” Obvious-Result6853
Another User Comments:
“No NTJ.
You do realize that it sounds more and more like someone in that office is stealing the packages around the complex right? Get your neighbors together and call the Police, have everyone with a stolen package file a complaint. The cops will get the footage.” Scumbag_Yardsale
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Package theft is rife at the moment and honestly, how hard is it to store a package?
In most of these cases this is a “convenience” that you are paying for, either via fee or included. If they can’t hold up their end of the bargain they shouldn’t claim that they can.” [deleted]
5. AITJ For Exposing My Stepbrother's Lie And Causing A Family Argument?
“So my (15F) stepbrother (17M) and I have never really got on. My mother married his dad when I was 11 and we just never bonded, my mom often tried to encourage us to bond but he never tried.
His dad acted like he was perfect because he always got better grades than me, was better at sports, had “better” friends.
He was good to my mom and me but it was clear that his son was super important to him. And it was annoying how much he did for my stepbrother.
Well, I found out that he wasn’t so perfect, he had been telling our parents that his band practice was being extended by an hour, but I found out that it wasn’t true.
He had been hanging out with his bandmates and often going home and spending time with one of them, who was a guy.
I collected all the evidence I could and left it on the table for our parents to find. It was stuff like pictures of him going out, or some screenshots from his friends’ stories.
Well, they found it and they were mad. They called him down and he got in serious trouble for lying to them. After he was grounded and sent up to his room I heard my mom admit to his dad that she knew he had been lying and sneaking off to see someone but she thought it was a girl and was mad that she felt lied to.
This led to an argument between them as he misread it as homophobia rather than her feeling tricked and lied to when she did him a favor by letting it slide. The argument got so bad that he sent my mom to sleep in the guest room and then went behind her back and ungrounded his son after they had a talk.
I feel so bad now that this has caused a fight between my mom and him. My mom has reassured me that I did the right thing, but I can’t stop thinking how it’s my fault that she’s been kicked out of her bedroom. Did I mess up? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“OMG, a 17yo was hanging out with school friends for an hour a day after school while maintaining his grades?
Oh the humanity!
“He was good to my mom and me but it was clear that his son was super important to him. And it was annoying how much he did for my stepbrother.” This really didn’t endear you to me.
“I collected all the evidence I could and left it on the table for our parents to find.” This is ridiculously dramatic and unsettling.
You stalked your brother.
“But she thought it was a girl” What does that matter? So as long as she thought he was with a girl, she was fine with it, but as soon as she finds out he’s with a boy, she grounds him. Your mom is not good!
“My mom has reassured me that I did the right thing” Your mom doesn’t understand what the right thing was.
YTJ, and so is your mother. You owe your brother and stepdad a huge apology. Stop trying to sabotage your brother to make yourself feel better. Maybe they can teach you a thing or two since your mom is lacking in this department.” curien
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I was outed to my homophobic family at 17 and it was very tough.
Frankly, how dare you do that. He wasn’t endangering himself or you. Your parents treating him differently is an issue with them, not him. This was horribly cruel. And, for the record, your mother is homophobic if she wouldn’t have cared if it were a girl but cares if it was a boy. She knew it was a relationship.
She also had no right to know his s*******y. People come out to different groups when they’re ready. He would almost certainly have come out to them when he was ready, and it probably would’ve gone over more smoothly if he’d had time to work out how to do it himself. You created this mess by being vindictive.
Do you have any idea the damage you’ve inflicted?” MGDarion
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’ve never got along and I can’t imagine you ever will now, which maybe that’s what you wanted. To ruin your mom’s marriage and your relationship with your stepbrother and stepdad. It’s never okay to out someone unless you have their expressed consent (even then it’s kinda iffy for me).
Turns out your mom knew, she was okay with letting him be a teen. And while her comment does come off somewhat homophobic (just the way you’ve got it written, I’m not sure how she said it exactly) she can’t control that feeling of being lied to…. Though I’m not sure why being with a guy or gal matters, she knew he was going out to see someone and just assumed it was a girl.
You didn’t just ‘decide to tell them the truth’ you decided that you wanted to get at your stepbrother, and I firmly believe there was malice behind your actions. You clearly disliked how much your stepdad cares for his son. You don’t give any examples of your stepdad blindly favoring or excusing any actions, just that he’s really proud of his son…..
and you didn’t seem to like that.” nonbinary-atheist
When he kicks her and you out you won’t have to worry about how he treats his kid different will you.. I hope your mom has another home for you both to live in
4. AITJ For Confronting My Dad About His Past Infidelity And Hypocrisy?
“I used to be really close to my dad but then he was unfaithful to my mom when I was 13 (well that’s when she found out) and got his mistress pregnant and left my mom and married her.
My mom still made me go over and see them because apparently he still loved me.
So now my dad and I have a weird relationship where I can’t cut him off because he’s my dad but I don’t like his wife (she tries to have a relationship with me and wants my approval but have some respect and leave me alone?) and don’t really want anything to do with the kid but am still nice because it’s not his fault his parents are not great.
I am 26 and have a significant other (gonna marry him one day he’s the one for me) and my dad wanted to meet him and talk to him.
I joked (but not really a joke) and was like haha are you going to be one of those dads who threatens their daughters’ significant others?
Are you gonna tell him not to be unfaithful to me? Are you even allowed to say that? Or is that not a threat because you support being unfaithful?”
My dad started crying which was new for me because I kid you not my dad is one of those retired army, football, steak, hunting, no crying kind of men.
He told me that losing my brothers and me was the worst thing that’s ever happened and that he’s scared that my brothers will never talk to him again. He said he’s spent 13 years trying to be a good dad to me but I never came back to him.
He told me that his and my mom’s relationship had absolutely nothing to do with me and that he loved me more than anything.
He begged me to forgive him and talked about how my mom forgave him and is happily married.
He told me he just wants to make sure I’ll be safe with the guy and that he’s my dad and allowed to care about me.
I told him he’s hurt me worse than anyone so he’s hypocritical for trying to see if I’m with a good guy or not.
I couldn’t be there anymore and just left.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. While the ins and outs of your parents’ relationship have nothing to do with you, the impact of his actions certainly does. It seems he’s now realized the true cost of his actions and is trying to guilt you into having a relationship.
Don’t introduce your significant other if you don’t want to, as your dad he’s allowed to care for you, but if he respected you at all, he would respect your choice of partner. Thinking he has to vet the person is so outdated and misogynistic.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, seriously though, “losing you was the worst thing that HAPPENED TO HIM?” Him being unfaithful to his wife and abandoning his children didn’t HAPPEN TO HIM, he did it, he directly caused his own current hurt.
That he was too selfish in the moment to be blindsided by what he wanted, that he didn’t think ahead to how he could be affected long term, to how he could hurt his children long term is IN NO WAY SHAPE OR FORM YOUR FAULT. He doesn’t get to blow up people’s lives, and then cry about how he can’t have this perfect relationship with the victims of his betrayal. He’s being selfish now still, putting the burden of forgiveness and his happiness on your ability to overlook his mistakes.
He doesn’t get to dictate how people deal with their hurt and betrayal. He doesn’t get to ask that you “come back to him”, to the way things were before he hurt everyone. He’s lucky you even speak to him at all, he should be grateful that you still have a semblance of a relationship with him, when the minute you turned 18 you could have, understandingly so, cut him out of your life.
I disagree with people guilting you into forgiveness, and moving on. You can do all those things and still hold him accountable for his actions. It’s also unrealistic to try to separate his being unfaithful to your mom as a spousal betrayal, not a parental one, the way he left your mom matters. If he was so unhappy, he could have divorced her.
Instead, he was unfaithful, got his mistress pregnant, and left. It’s a lot to deal with for a young kid. He did things the wrong way, and now he’s dealing with the consequences.” moonpea
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you felt betrayed by your dad, and rightly so. He is lying to himself if he says that wrecking his marriage and leaving had nothing to do with his children.
He must know that it definitely had an impact on his relationship with you and your brother. He’s allowed to have regrets though and he obviously still loves you. However he has to respect your feelings and understand that you’re angry. Did he ever apologise actually?” Paindepiceaubeurre
3. AITJ For Towing Work Trucks Illegally Parked On My Property?
“For context, I live in a city and obviously parking is at a premium, which is why I paid more for a house with a parking pad. We have two cars, mine is normally on the street, and my wife is the one who uses the parking pad since she is currently going to school and gets home late when it’s harder to find a spot.
Since I moved into our house (last March) during the day (I work from home) I normally have anywhere from 5-10 work trucks parked (without asking) in my parking pad each week and do work for the various businesses/restaurants around me and stay there anywhere from 1-2 hours. This does irritate me because I think it’s extremely rude, it’s not like when someone accidentally parks somewhere, since they are pulling right onto my property without my permission like it is theirs.
Additionally, about a month ago I noticed a crack forming on the parking pad which I can only assume is due to these large trucks constantly using it and the workers loading/unloading their tools.
So I decided to call a tow company and have them hang a sign so that if needed I could have them come and tow them out.
I even went a step further and called all the businesses near me to let them know that I was putting up the sign and planned on towing out cars if they were parked there.
Well, yesterday, the day after the signs got hung I went out back to take out the trash and I couldn’t open my gate because a big work truck was parked there.
I waited about 30 minutes and then I called and had them towed. The owner of the vehicle showed up halfway through the tow, yelling to have it put down. It was obviously awkward, and then he said “Why didn’t you come and knock on a few doors and look for me?” to which I replied, “It’s not my responsibility to waste my time looking for the person who is illegally parked on my property, I have better things to do.” This of course got me called a jerk, he thanked me for him losing a day’s pay, paid the driver to drop him, and then he floored it and sped away to make his point I guess.
So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your parking pad. You put up signs and put the word out. If someone parks illegally, they can’t expect you (or anyone) to come looking for them to move their vehicle. Don’t worry about it and keep calling the tow company if needed. No one is entitled to park in your paid parking spot.” RainyAlaska1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I would also add one extra step. Take a picture of EVERY SINGLE truck that illegally parks on your property. Make note of the company name and truck number. Call the company and advise them of the situation. Now let me explain why: Currently the driver knows they messed up and to avoid telling their boss and company and risk getting in trouble, they just pay the fee.
The company knows NOTHING. But if you notify the company, they will take action. Generally the company will have a conversation with the driver but more importantly they will send out a fleet message about not parking there. The company does not want bad PR, you complaining, nor do they want their trucks towed. So call the companies and notify them.
Generally you will get a better and faster response than towing; thinking telling drivers 1 at a time vs telling 25+, 50+, 100+ drivers at once. My husband drives a semi-truck and they regularly get fleet messages about not parking in XYZ location or at XYZ store. Whole fleet knows much faster response than telling drivers one by one you can’t park here.” JadedSlayer
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. If you want to be a bit nicer with the next one, call the number on the truck and tell them or leave a message that you are calling the towing company in ten minutes if the vehicle is still on your property. Was the guy you caught from one of the businesses that you had previously warned?” *********
2. AITJ For Defending My Future Sister-In-Law From Her Mother During Wedding Dress Shopping?
“My, 26, brother, 29, is getting married in a few months and Lily is amazing! I know, a post that doesn’t hate the in-laws!
She’s very… demure. She lets her mother walk all over her and says nothing. I didn’t know about Monster Mama until last week, and by God did I find out quick!
Let’s just say, where Lily is quiet, I am NOT.
Last week Lily, me and her master, I mean mother, went dress shopping. She and my brother wanted one of our family to go and I was the obvious pick.
She wanted our opinions and it became clear that she and her mother didn’t have the same style.
Her mother liked mermaid dresses. Lily didn’t.
An hour in, Monster Mama told, not asked, her to try on a dress. Lily did not like this dress. It didn’t flatter her arms, in her opinion. I could tell she wasn’t a fan so I said “why don’t you try a dress that goes in at the hips?” Ergo: not a mermaid dress.
“You have a very curvy figure.” She is a big girl and she has a to-die for waist-to-hip ratio. Lucky mare is Jessica Rabbit.
She came out in a princess dress that hid her arms, like she wanted, and accentuated her waist. It wasn’t my style, but even I couldn’t deny she looked like a Queen.
She nearly cried she was so happy in it.
Her monster: “I think she looks a bit fat.” This fazed me for two reasons. It’s her daughter! And I was sitting right next to her. I am a size 22, at least 2 sizes bigger than Lily. BUT, I held it in.
After she told her to get a different dress, Lily came back out in another mermaid dress.
Lily’d completely given up. Her mother wouldn’t stop saying “This is the dress.”
I asked if Lily liked it. She didn’t like that her arms were out. Her mother said “It isn’t your arms you need to worry about,” and gestured to her belly. It wasn’t flat, sure, but THE CHEEK OF THIS WOMAN!
I burst.
“You’re right. She doesn’t have to worry about her arms, just her nightmare of a mother.”
Obviously, an argument ensued. The last thing I said was that it didn’t matter if Lily was her daughter because she would soon be my sister, and people don’t talk to my sisters that way.
Monster Mama then pulled the trump card. “I’m paying for the dress.”
I let her buy the dress and leave. I then bought the other one, the one Lily loved, and told her to return the dress of Satan. We could lie as to why it couldn’t be used and return her money.
I apologised to her for ruining her day but she just laughed. My brother picked us up and said he wanted me to go because he knew what her mother was like.
WHILE WE WERE IN THE CAR her mother FaceTimed her saying how disrespectful I was, how I insulted her and that she wouldn’t be at the wedding if I was there.
She hung up and the rest of the ride was silent.
I have tried to keep the peace and apologize but monster won’t have it. Now I’m beginning to doubt if I should have gone off on her like I did. I don’t wanna ruin it for Lily.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you actually stood up for Lily and it seems that this rarely happens.
If I were you, I’d check with Lily and your brother how they want to proceed, but I imagine the day would be much better without that mother.” Throwaway-2587
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! I have a monster-in-law exactly like this. We went wedding shopping and I happen to know the designers there. I hadn’t seen them in over two years, I was a size 16 when they saw me last (different countries), and then I was between 12 and 14 when they saw me wedding shopping.
One of them mentioned “you’ve lost weight!” And my mil goes in front of everyone “she needs to lose more”. Everyone was shocked. My sil said nothing. My mil is very lucky I’m confident and don’t care about what people say or I’d have blown up. Your sil is very lucky to have you – she is getting married into your family.
I hate that older people think they can say anything they want just because they’re older. I’ve come to the point in life where I don’t care who you are or how old you are. If you say something to insult me, I won’t take it. Respect is a two-way street. From someone who can relate – you’re NTJ a hundred times over.” Ok_Pumpkin174
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for standing up for your SIL but you need to learn to do it firmly without being so aggressive. I say this not because her mom deserves it, but because it reduces the chances of drama, and that is great for the people you are trying to protect, and it gives the person less ammunition to complain about you later.
For example, had you said something along the lines of “Lily looks wonderful in this dress and she needs to feel comfortable in it. We are here to support her and help her choose the dress that will make her feel the best on her wedding day, even if it’s not our own style.” If you had done it maybe Lily’s mom would have started drama anyway, but what she would claim to other people?
That you put Lily’s feelings above hers, the horror? She could try to spin it around but the truth is you would not have given her ammunition to it. Now, she can say that you called her a nightmare of a mother and that will give her sympathy points even from people who know how she is, because you attacked her and not her actions, you know?
I am not saying you did anything wrong and I completely understand how you must have been feeling, just giving some ideas for the next time you’re in a situation like this!” Im_your_life
1. AITJ For Moving My Baby Brother's Bed To My Parents' Room?
“My parents had me (16M) somewhat young and just last year they decided to have another baby.
My brother Leo is 2 months old. I love him but he cries nonstop every night. My dad and his friends are doing some renovations to the bedroom downstairs which was supposed to be Leo’s room but some stuff came up and it got delayed. They told me for a little while Leo is gonna be in my room because my dad needs to get up early for work and he can’t sleep if my brother is in their room.
It’s been quite annoying. Leo cries, it takes my mom time to get to my room then she turns on the lamp in my room and it takes like a half hour sometimes for her to get him back to sleep. I really hate it. I’ve kept talking to them about when his room is gonna be ready.
My parents say it’s gonna be a while but they still say no, he can’t be in the room with them.
Monday night I got really annoyed because my mom was knocked out so I had to get up and change his diaper at like 3 in the morning. When it was night time I moved his crib to their room and told them that I’m tired of hearing him cry all the time in my room.
My mom started telling me stuff then my dad did too when he got home. But I locked my door from inside. They gave up and said fine if that’s what I want and they kept my brother in their room. My dad was upset the next day when he got home cause I’m sure Leo woke him up whenever my mom needed to do something.
Actually, they both looked really mad at me then my mom told me I acted really unfairly to them and we’re a family who handles stuff together so she doesn’t think it’s right I’m not trying to help them a little here with my brother. So yeah, she does think I’m a jerk for that since Leo being in my room means my dad doesn’t have to wake up every time my mom needs to feed him or whatever and he’s the one who also provides for us.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ YOUR SIBLING IS NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY!!!! They need to actually take the role of the parent and be sleep-deprived like the rest of us. It’s tough but that’s what they decided. They have no right.” Claspers69
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, this is absolutely ridiculous. You’re still a kid yourself.
Maybe help with a diaper or a feeding or some cuddles during waking hours—maybe even let your mom or dad take a nap while you take him for a walk in the stroller—but NO, not the night duty! Teens need their sleep.” floofelina
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – there are multiple solutions they could have chosen and they picked the one that would take your space from you.
Plenty of babies that young stay in their parents’ room and they make it work. If they can’t, surely they can give up some living room or dining room space temporarily. Families do help each other, but there is a difference between expecting you to occasionally watch him or change a diaper and imposing the lack of sleep on you when it’s not your kid.” LightningLilac
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