People Want Our Interpretation Of Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
20. AITJ For Getting Upset When My Sister's Partner Made A Rude Comment About My Wife?
“My (M33) wife (F31) just finished her cancer treatment weeks ago.
She’s getting better but unfortunately, she lost her hair due to chemotherapy, she doesn’t wear a wig because she doesn’t feel like she has to, and thankfully we’re surrounded by people who understand the struggle.
My sister (F28) called to invite me and my wife to meet her partner as they were visiting my dad’s house.
We decided to go and meet him and we did. He seemed like a nice dude, super talkative, and joked a lot. My wife and mom excused themselves to the kitchen to make dinner. My sister, her partner, dad, and I talked about a few things.
My wife then walked out of the kitchen to grab something from the nearby cabinet. My sister’s partner suddenly glanced at her and then ‘pssst’d’ at me to grab my attention, he asked if I was okay with my wife not wearing a wig, I felt a bit off but I told him yes because she doesn’t feel comfortable wearing one.
He then said, ‘well, you better be making her wear one in bed… right?’
My wife heard that! I was so upset with him for what he said but I didn’t wanna make a scene in my parents’ house so what I did was pretend I didn’t get what he said, I leaned back and said ‘I’m sorry I didn’t quite understand what you said, I don’t speak nonsense.’ My wife almost laughed but rushed back into the kitchen.
My sister’s partner’s face went red, he became quiet but my sister kept staring at me grudgingly. It got so awkward the dude said he had work and wanted to leave. After he left my sister unloaded on me saying I was out of line to speak to him this way, I said hello he just insulted my wife’s appearance.
She said it’s normal stuff men talk about and I shouldn’t act surprised because she was sure I and my friends talk trash about our spouses all the time, basically saying what he did was casual ‘guy talk’.
She said I had to call him and fix this mistake and apologize but I refused. We went back and forth on this and dad said my sister is upset and I should apologize just to fix this issue between us.
My wife and I went home and my sister has been giving me grief since then saying I ruined and tainted her partner’s first impression of the family and I had to apologize.
AITJ? Did I go too far handling this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – that was an extremely inappropriate comment for him to make and if you had smiled and nodded along, it would have been disrespectful to your wife. It sounds like you tried to diffuse his comment by making a mild but pointed joke about his rudeness which I think was the correct move.
You didn’t scream at him or cause a huge scene and it sounds like your sister is the one who is trying to escalate the situation by making it seem like a bigger conflict than it actually was. I’m so happy that your wife has finished her treatments and I’m glad that she has a good support system.” chablismouth
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sister and his partner are both jerks. Him for insulting your wife, and her for defending him. The first time he meets the family he insults a key member of it. And to show how shallow he is for not accepting that your wife is comfortable with how she is.
She is a warrior, battling a tough illness, and seems to do it with grace. I would shudder to think of how he would treat your sister if she was dealing with cancer. No, I just realized, he would be gone faster than Usain Bolt, in that scenario.” bosslady2032
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister’s partner sounds like a massively rude, jerk and she sounds like a ‘pick me’ type who doesn’t hang out with women because they’re ‘drama’ but is sooooo cool and understanding about dudebros and their ‘guy talk’.
Your wife battled through something most people will never understand and came out on the other side with marks and scars that you love, and that you support her in handling however she wants. Most people can only hope to encounter that kind of love in a marriage.
You’re a good husband.” eggosandnosebleeds
19. AITJ For Putting Makeup On At Home?
“My (f25) husband (m30) has been away on a work/friend trip with his friends for a week while I stay home, alone.
He texts me every day, all day, and Facetimes me multiple times a day – which is fine! I always respond and try to be engaged, though it is a bit tiring – I wish he would just enjoy his trip with his friends, instead of saying how much he misses me 24/7.
We hang out all day every day when he’s home, so a little space would be good for me. He however doesn’t get the concept of space, no matter how much I ask for it. He thinks I’m being a jerk when I ask him to not sit and stare at me on the couch while I am on my phone.
Last night, I was in bed dozing on and off while watching tv for a few hours. He had texted me repeatedly around 11 pm and got extremely upset at me for not responding. He calls me a few times and I finally answer on facetime.
He immediately snaps at me: Why didn’t you answer me? You should be answering me at 11 pm. Why do you have makeup on? That’s so weird. Why would you have makeup on at night?
I was so bewildered, I wear makeup for fun all the time at home as I like creating different looks!
I said this and he replied he never saw me with makeup on, which is a total lie. He then proceeded to make me feel bad for it and say I should’ve been responding to him. I said I had a couple of glasses of wine and dozed on and off, what is the problem?
He continued to berate me on the fact that wearing makeup at home was strange, and then made me sit on the phone in silence with him after I tried to initiate normal conversation and kept getting one-word responses. It was 3 am for him.
So I stopped and sat in silence too.
He got angry at me, hung up, and then texted me, ‘I’ll leave you be. Good night.’
I texted ‘why are you being so weird?’ He then texted ‘not really – anyway, I love you.
Good night.’
I said I love you back.
He hasn’t texted me today at all, and I’m feeling a little crazy right now, wondering why he’s so upset with me for wearing makeup and not answering his calls or texts for only an hour and a half.
Yeah, sure I’m sorry for not responding to his barrage of texts, but he was at a club with his friends, shouldn’t he be having fun?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Your husband needs therapy. Sounds like a narcissist.
If he is, he is using his past experience to justify to himself why he can’t fully trust you. Or maybe you have done something to lose his trust and he hasn’t given it back to you yet. Either way, he is letting his emotions control him and is making himself to be a jerk.
If these tendencies worsen, and he doesn’t feel like he should seek help, I would leave. Narcissists just don’t want to believe they are a narcissist.
The world is full of mental health disorders these days because we have had time to study them.
These behaviors your husband is exhibiting are not how mentally healthy people act.” nxt_check
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he is manipulating and controlling. He is constantly getting in touch with you to keep constant tabs on you, so you can’t see anyone or go anywhere without him knowing.
It is not sweet, it is being your jailor. You are a bird in a gilded cage. He hates that you wore makeup, he is afraid you are sneaking behind his back. He believes it because he is a liar or incredibly insecure, jealous, and possessive.
Of course, he is being strange now, after he berates you comes the silent treatment to get you to be sorry and get in touch with him to make amends and get you to do what he wants. He cannot enjoy his trip because he is scared you will escape his clutches while he is gone.
Unless you leave we all know how this story ends.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s basically accusing you of infidelity. And nothing about his behavior is fine. His constant calling and texting are not checking in on you, it’s stalking.
He’s not in love with you, he’s obsessed with you. His lack of trust in you tells me he’s insecure. He’s manipulating and controlling you. Get out before the relationship evolves to physical abuse.” Independent_Sea_836
18. WIBTJ If I Return The Puppy?
“I (18M) lost my childhood dog about 1 year ago, I was devastated (and still am). My mother (55F) kept pushing the idea of getting a puppy, I told her I didn’t want a puppy because I KNOW I wouldn’t be able to handle it.
Well, she bought a puppy and told me he was my responsibility. And it’s been 1 day with him and I can’t handle it, I haven’t fully grieved my first dog, and I’ve been breaking down whenever the puppy cries for too long.
This morning I told her that I couldn’t do it, I cannot take care of this puppy because I’m still hurt about my dog.
She called me a few words while my father understood and asked my mom why she would get the puppy knowing I wasn’t ready.
She then asked if I wanted to give him up and I said yes, I don’t want this dog to suffer with me and I rather he go to a better family. I feel bad, but it’s better for him right??
She called me heartless and stupid but I reminded her that she was the one who pushed this onto me and that I had made it clear that I was never ready for another dog, much less a puppy that needs so much care.
So WIBTJ for returning this puppy/handing him to someone better?
UPDATE: I’m so sorry everyone but unfortunately, my mom is forcing us to keep the puppy, I broke down telling her why I can’t bring myself to love it and she called me dramatic.
But I think she’s the one who’s gonna take care of it now instead of me. I am planning on getting a job soon and moving out with my partner when it’s time for college, wish me luck.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The puppy is young enough to be rehomed easily. If you wait until he’s older, rehoming him will be more difficult, and he might end up in a pound or shelter. As long as you are not abandoning an animal on the street but are instead returning it to a safe environment, you should not feel guilty.
This pet was foisted on you even after you made your feelings on the subject known. In fact, sometimes it doesn’t work out even with a pet you did willingly adopt, and it is okay to bring that pet back to a safe environment or to rehome it to a good home with someone else; that is much better than being unhappy with that pet and in turn, making the pet feel unhappy as well.
I feel like your mother is trivializing your grief and minimizing the love you had for your lost pet. Your lost pet was not ‘just a dog,’ and he or she can’t just be replaced.” Odd_Consequence_4877
Another User Comments:
“Vet Nurse here. You are definitely NTJ. Everyone grieves differently, and I’ve seen people get another pet the same week they lost theirs while others take years. And you are a very responsible young adult for thinking about the puppy’s well-being.
People tend to think at the moment when it comes to pets.
So many people got dogs when 2020 started because they were at home, but they are now being surrendered because people are starting to leave home more and no longer have time for the dogs.
Any responsible breeder would rather take back a puppy and re-home it than know one of their puppies was not in an ideal home.
And, from my position, it’s frustrating to see people have dogs that are clearly having behavioral issues as a result of poor actions from the owner.
When you think you may be ready for another dog in your life, volunteer at a rescue or shelter to walk dogs or to help clean/feed them.” tinybubblesinthesea
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m sorry for your loss. It took me just over 2.5 years between the death of my beloved kitty and getting a new kitty due to grief.
If your Mom is forcing you all to keep the puppy, be sure you do not have one lick of work required for it. Everything including feeding/walking/playing/snuggling is on HER since she’s trying to bully you into doing what she wants (for reasons I can’t understand).
It’ll be hard, but you can probably do it. Be ready for her to pull back early on expecting you or your Dad to step in.
Where is your Dad in all this? If he understands your emotional position on this issue, why hasn’t he stepped in to help set a boundary with his partner on your behalf?
Also… that your Mom called you ‘stupid’ is horrid. Let her see how ‘stupid’ you are when you lift not one finger for this dog she’s forcing on the family, or, better yet, when you’ve saved up enough funds and have ducks in a row to move out and go low contact with her.” GeekyStitcher
17. AITJ For Refusing To Change The Meet-Up Location?
“About 10 of my friends and I are going to an event about 3 hours away. Due to an activity I participate in, I knew I would be leaving later than others and would be driving.
I offered to drive others who would want to leave around 3:30 pm instead of noon.
3 friends asked to ride with me – I told them to meet at my house at 3:30 and we can leave from there. My house has both free street parking and some off-street parking. 2/3 people riding with me are also involved in the same activity and I offered my home to shower as well if they’d like.
Yesterday, one of my friends asked if I could drive and pick them up from our friend’s house (which is closer to the activity but only 1 of the 3 actually lives there) instead of meeting at my house. She even offered that maybe we could all shower there.
I don’t want to do that because I’d prefer to get ready at my house and eat lunch at home.
We only live 4 miles apart.
My house is closer to the highway and where we need to go.
I’m driving so I feel like I should be accommodated due to the inconvenience.
AITJ for requesting the meet-up to be at my house and making 3 people drive to me instead of me going and picking them up?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your arrangements are reasonable and it seems to be a last-minute change that would be inconvenient for others. If she wants to get ready at her house then leave her car at yours, that is an option.” nikkesen
Another User Comments:
“It’s only 4 mi apart, you’re closer to the highway, and you offered to drive. You KNOW you’re NTJ… They can still get ready at their preferred house and meet you at your place at 3:30.
Having to pick them up would mean you have to leave earlier from home. If they don’t want to drive to your place, they can take a quick Uber or taxi if that’s still a thing.” Sips_of_Tea
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. If it weren’t 4 miles, I’d say definitely make them meet at your house. But 4 miles? Too far to walk, but why leave your car there and shower in a strange bathroom for 4 miles? Just leave at 3:30 like you want, but plan to swing by to pick up that person 4 miles away.
They want to get ready at home, too, and it’ll only add 2 minutes to your trip.” Restin_in_Pizza
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re offering to drive, the least the others can do is meet you at the point you want to drive from.
The only ask is they be there by 3:30 pm, so your friend needs to work it out to be there by 3:30 pm. Otherwise, they can choose a different way to get to the event.” starrylightway
16. AITJ For Telling My Doctor My Dad Is Right?
“I (21f) am a dialysis patient also handicapped and wheelchair bond. I have a Permacath for dialysis. Which is like a catheter in your collarbone. Just recently during dialysis, my Permacath started to bleed and it was bleeding very much.
I was dizzy and sleepy most of the time. My father asked the technician to call the doctor. Now, this is an interventional radiologist and works in a cath lab and for Permacath he always says to replace it. Replacement is surgery and my body is not strong enough to get surgery every 3-4 months.
The technician called the doctor but he said he is operating right now. So my dad thought to just check outside the cath lab about how much time it will take. When dad went outside the cath lab the cleaner said that there were no operations going on today and the doctor is not in the hospital today.
My dad came back and I was still dizzy.
There is also another doctor who is just like a friend. My dad called him to contact him. Well after 15mins the doctor called the technician and said to tell my dad to meet tomorrow in OPD.
My dad was mad. He even said that bleeding is not a medical emergency. But till then almost 3-4 liters of b***d might have bled. This bleeding was going on for 1 month.
Well, finally there was surgery fixed. Before giving anesthesia the doctor came to me and said that my dad did a jerk thing by going to another doctor to meet him.
I said he did that just because you were not available and he was concerned for me. He said don’t take your dad’s side. Or else you will also be the jerk. I just wanted to ask AITJ?
For 1 month I was like a guinea pig.
Sometimes he was doing stitches. Sometimes some other method. Always he used to say the bleeding will stop now. But it didn’t. I’m not angry at his free day. He is my favorite doctor. But he was avoiding us by saying he is in operation.
When the truth was something else. If he would have said it’s his day off, I would have made an appointment for the next day.
That day the doctor was not in the hospital, he had gone somewhere out for lunch with his family.
I think I might be the jerk for talking back to my doctor in such a rude way.
Edit 1 – the other doctor was a urologist. My doctor was mad because dad asked the urologist to call and ask him where he was then the intervention doctor said to me it made him look bad or irresponsible.
Before the surgery for taking anesthesia, I had to be fasting for 9hrs. But the doctor delayed my surgery by 4 hrs. I was hungry and thirsty for 13hrs max.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, this is your dad, and also he was looking out for you, and everything he did about surgery arrangements that might be construed as rude by some arbitrary standards, he did on behalf of your health/survival, so OF COURSE you’d rightfully take his side.
That doctor caused everything unpleasant/inconvenient that came his way by neglecting you and lying, so he is the jerk, and especially so for harassing you about it immediately before surgery, who does that?” Blim4
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… this doctor is entirely unprofessional and if there are governing bodies wherever you are that oversee doctors you should report this one.
Of course, bleeding is an emergency, especially with a patient as physically debilitated as you are. Always stand up for yourself. You and your dad did the right thing.” nancylyn
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A lot of doctors think they are the be-all-end-all in decisions, and for some people that’s ok.
For me, I want a doctor that gives options and fully informs me, and takes what I think seriously. Your dad is advocating for you and if the doctor thinks that makes him a jerk I think you need a new doctor.
As long as you feel your dad has your best interest in mind let him advocate and in the future don’t feel guilty about advocating for yourself where needed, like telling this doctor he should respect your and your dad’s opinions.
If the doctor has that attitude it’s because he probably got reprimanded for how it was handled.” Kriegz1
15. AITJ For Not Wanting My Daughter To Study Abroad?
“My (45f) daughter (18f) applied to universities last year and was accepted to one overseas.
She was excited when she got the acceptance letter and forwarded me the email to show that she was accepted. It was a big deal to her because it was in the field she wants to go into (cybersecurity) and it is one of the top universities there for its computer program.
Due to some problems, she was not able to go but has been doing all she can so that she can go. She would leave this fall.
From the beginning, I was wary of her leaving due to her being miles away with no form of contact.
Since our Christian beliefs say to pray about big decisions, I told her she should do just that and see what God thinks she should do. A few days later she comes back and she believes she should go because she prayed about it.
I doubted she did because I have seen her begin falling away from the church (that is another story) but I went along with it.
It is now a year later and she is a few months away from leaving.
I keep asking he if she should really go because of the war overseas, her mental health not being the greatest, and if she has sufficient funds. She has told me that with her government financial aid, she would be covered on the tuition, maybe even the housing aspect, but she is going to be taking the summer semester at the college she is currently attending to work full time at her job.
I told her she should take a mental examination to make sure she is mentally prepared for such a big change and make sure that the meds she takes for her physical and mental problems will be with her and she would be able to get them overseas.
I also continually advise her to only stay a short time because I would miss her since she wouldn’t be able to come home for the holidays. I tell her that I would miss her as my friend and my daughter and that I can’t handle her being away.
She has told me that I don’t need to worry about her and that she will be fine. Recently she told me that she is planning on staying there for 3 years. I begin to advise her against it because she could find a man in our religion and fall in love with him and never come home.
She assures me that she will be fine but I keep pushing her against it. She started crying and saying that only her stepmom and friends are supportive of her decision and encouraging her and she wishes her dad, mom, and other family members would be supportive of her decision since she is an adult.
AITJ? My daughter has been barely speaking to me about her decision and will avoid talking about it at all costs. I just want her to be safe and make sure she isn’t going to fall away from our religion more than she already has.
I am just concerned that if she leaves, I will never see her again.
EDIT:
The no contact: It would be very hard to get in contact if something went wrong and international data plans would need to be in place for her and contact.
The time differences would also be hard to work out times to talk with her.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You’re quite right to seek a mental examination, but it should be for you, to sort out what exactly your problem is.
Your daughter has been accepted to a great program in a field she is passionate about, has worked out the financial issues, and is ready to begin her life.
You keep making flimsy (and in some cases nonsensical) objections to keep your daughter from what appears to be a great opportunity to improve her life.
Ask yourself why. Are you jealous that she’s flying beyond the nest? Are you selfishly trying to keep her home because you enjoy having her around you?
Being a parent means supporting our children as they grow beyond is, but that requires courage.
Find that courage within yourself, and support her as she pursues her career.” TheMidnightHandyman
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, and a big one at that. As a mother, you should be encouraging and supporting your daughter to find her path in life, follow her dreams and reach for the stars.
All you’re trying to do is hold her back to smooth YOUR insecurities, no matter if it’s at the cost of her happiness. No wonder she is avoiding the topic with you.
And what does ‘no form of contact’ mean?
She won’t have a phone or access to the Internet during her studies abroad? I doubt it. The religion topic is completely unrelated. Faith is a personal choice and journey, and if she is to ‘fall out of it’, it’s gonna happen at home just as much as abroad.
In short, stop looking for every excuse you can find to justify your selfishness.” Wine_and_Sauna
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I’m sure if you had to pay for her education then you would be using that as leverage to convince her to stay but since that doesn’t seem to be an option, you’ve had to resort to using religion, your inability to be separated from her, and even her own mental health as ways to coerce her into staying.
She’s an adult who is trying to be more independent and while it’s understandable to be concerned, it’s not appropriate to guilt her into staying. If she doesn’t come home, the reason might not have anything to do with a romantic relationship if your behavior in this situation is representative of your relationship with her.” chablismouth
"She could find a man in our religion and never come home. "
That's right, she might. And good on her. And do you honestly believe that trying to force her to give up her dreams is going to make her more likely to stay close to your religion?
You need to stop trying to rule your daughter's life like this, because if you don't, you will lose her completely.
You are sucking the joy out of her life. Instead of being "OK. Let's ensure you have some support systems within our religion at your destination, so that they can help you" you are just doing your best to undermine her confidence. You should be ashamed of yourself.
14. AITJ For Being Mad At My Friends For Teasing Me?
“I (F18) have always been shipped with this friend, Jason (M18) in the group chat with all of my friends.
I used to like Jason but I feel like he’s getting uncomfortable with the ships in my group chat. I told my friend, Hannah (F18) about how I think that Jason is uncomfortable with the ‘ship’ and I told Hannah to tell my friends to stop with the ships with me and Jason.
In school, I was walking with Jason and then my friends started to chant Jason x (my name) many times. I have gotten really mad about it. Like my face was red, really mad. I started to lash out at them especially my friend Hannah and now they aren’t talking to me anymore.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s fine if a friend makes a simple comment like ‘hey you guys would be pretty cute together’ but to just constantly ship the two of you? Now that’s weird. Especially if Jason is uncomfortable with it.
I’m assuming that they’ve been made aware that he’s uncomfortable with it, so they should’ve definitely stopped then and there.” GhostlyJax
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friends are acting like 10-year-old children. ‘X and Y sitting in a tree…’ They need to grow up.
You asked them to stop. I’m assuming your friends are about the same age as you, so basically adults. They need to grow up and respect the boundaries you set.
And, let’s face it – being the immature people they are, they are mad that you called them out publicly and embarrassed them over embarrassing you.
Let them be mad. They will get over it. However, you need a more mature circle of friends. Shipping among your circle is fine, but this public crap is just childish. And they need to also understand that a man and a woman can just be friends without being romantically involved.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: It’s one thing to have a character who you ship but real people is a completely different story and completely weird. They could have just said they think you’d look good together one time and then leave it at that.
You told one friend to let them all know how it made you uncomfortable but you should have spoken to them all individually either in the shared group chat or DMs.” alreadyovereacting
13. AITJ For Having An Opinion On Wedding Rings?
“I (26F) have an older brother (27M) who’s been with another guy (30M) for around 4 years. I don’t have any issue with my brother being gay, but I have one with him wearing a wedding ring in order to pretend that he’s married to him.
You see, we live in a country where gay marriage still isn’t allowed (Romania), but despite this, my brother and his partner started wearing wedding rings recently.
When I asked my brother about it, he told me that despite not being able to do it legally, they already consider themselves married spiritually and they’re hoping that one day gay marriage will be allowed to do legally as well, either by leaving the country or waiting till gay marriage is made legal here as well.
While I think this is nice, I told him that they shouldn’t be wearing wedding rings till they actually get officially married, as I think it’s kind of distasteful. He told me that they’re just a symbol of their love and that they’re not hurting anyone by wearing them, but I disagreed, they’re actively misleading people into thinking that they’re actually married and frankly just making a mockery out of marriage.
My brother told me that he doesn’t care what other people, including me, think about them wearing wedding rings and that maybe they should just mind their own business, then left furiously. Not gonna lie, I think his comment here was kind of out of line, as all I did was give my opinion on people wearing wedding rings when they’re actually married yet and he seemed to take it personally.
His partner also contacted me later and told me that their romantic lives don’t concern me and to stay out of it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Before marriage equality was legal here in the U.S., my wife and I wore wedding bands for years (we’ve been together 25 years).
It symbolized our love and commitment to one another, despite the government’s unwillingness to acknowledge that.
Yes, there are rights and obligations that go along with being able to be married legally, but marriage is NOT only about the state/government acknowledging it.
It’s about personal love and commitment. And they want to show that to the world.
So what’s your issue with them showing their love and commitment? Does it hurt you at all? Nope. YTJ, OP. 100% YTJ.” profmoxie
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Your brother is not married because he literally is banned from doing so, not because he chose not to get married. Telling him he should wait with wearing a ring (it’s not like he faked certificates, he’s wearing a ring, which is something you can do regardless of your family status, even if you are single) because it’s making a mockery out of marriage is really distasteful and disrespectful.
Sounds like if it were his choice he would be married already.
And as someone who is married, I can tell you, it’s really not a magical thing that boosts your relationship to another level. My relationship has not been different before and after marriage, because it really only is the feeling you have towards your partner, and this doesn’t change through a piece of paper.” CalebCJ20
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – it is you who is making a mockery of marriage by believing marriage is just about that legal piece of paper.
Marriage is the commitment of two people who love each other legally and emotionally.
This couple has been in a committed relationship for four years, they share their lives together, and they love each other so if they are living together and have made a lifelong commitment to each other. They are therefore married in everything but a legal document unless they have already sorted legal documents to give each other rights within their lives, such as insurance, health power of attorney, and wills then they are married legally.
All that is missing is a ceremony.
The rings in marriage represent the never-ending circle of love and commitment in that relationship. So, by wearing them they are demonstrating to everyone that they love each other and their love is an eternal circle.
I recommend you apologize and suggest that they make sure they have legally committed to each other by making wills that give each other rights to their possessions. Also, offer to help plan a celebration of their commitment to each other.
Again YTJ what you have said and judged is awful.” Hot_Success_7986
Do you question other people about wearing rings? Do you ask and give your opinions on other couples who wear rings asking if they are legally married? I bet the answer is no, because it is none of your business and it would be rude. The same goes for your brother. Don't be rude.
You don't think it is right to wear a wedding ring if you aren't married? Don't wear one. That's your choice. Doesn't mean you get to force your choice on anyone else - especially someone who you theoretically love.
12. AITJ For Not Defending My Partner From Her Parents?
“My partner’s parents are making her move home for no other reason than she’s overweight enough that they feel that she can’t be trusted at this point to not get bigger and bigger. She’s 19 and had been living in an apartment paid for by them, living off of a monthly allowance from them.
The problem was that she was blowing the allowance on junk food and now finds herself weighing 240 pounds (110KG). They came into the city last night for a visit and dinner became an unfortunate conversation about how big she looks, how out of shape she is, and so on and so on.
Her dad decided that she was moving home so that she can eat better and exercise.
After they left, my partner asked me why I didn’t defend her and I told her that, whether she thinks it’s extreme or not, they have fair reasoning for doing what they’re doing, as her weight isn’t some small thing that could be ignored. She labeled that body shaming and said I was being a jerk, just like her parents.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Normally all for standing up against body shaming, but I actually think you’re NTJ here. This is between her and her parents. You’re right – their reasons for concern are fair.
Your partner is an adult, so if she doesn’t want to move home and be put on a weight loss program, she has a few options: 1) find a way to make a living and pay her own expenses so she can’t have her hand forced by her parents threatening to cut her off; or 2) come up with a counter offer (that doesn’t involve moving home) that she can logically present to her parents to address their concerns.
For example, she could propose to meet with a nutritionist and start a workout program but remain living independently.” aethelflead
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, your partner is a 19-year-old adult her parents don’t have any say in where she can and can’t live.
Your partner needs a job to be able to provide herself snacks if she wants them and learn how to prioritize her bills/responsibilities first. You should’ve stood up for her, body shaming is never ever ok. Her parents are completely in the wrong and rude for verbally attacking her like that .” thedudeb
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, not for not defending her, but for co-signing her parents’ behavior. Truth is that it would have been hard for you to speak up against her parents and maintain a decent relationship with them. But, it was your responsibility to support her in the aftermath and not side with her parents.
ALSO, her parents are jerks. Not for kicking her out of her apartment, but for their reasonings and shaming. Unfortunately, she’s an adult and her parents aren’t obligated to support her. I hope she gets in a financial situation where she can get her own place and out of the toxic environment of her parents’ home.” investigatorbae
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, your partner least of all. She shouldn’t be blowing her allowance on junk food but I don’t think it’s right or productive that the solution is to berate her and make her move home where they’ll force her to exercise (somehow?).
Her parents sound incredibly shallow tbh. If they really were just attacking her for her looks, that’s unfair and you should have defended her. Like fine, they could reduce her allowance if they feel she’s wasting it but if the only thing she’s doing wrong is gaining weight this seems like an overreaction.
If you are worried about her health, there’s a way to have an adult conversation about that, but I don’t think her parents punishing her for it is a useful way forward. Have you talked to your partner about where this behavior is coming from?
Is it out of character? It doesn’t seem like you’ve tried to understand why she’s doing it, and it could easily be a sign that she’s not in a great place mentally.” InterwebHero20
11. AITJ For Joking About My Pregnant Wife's Discomfort?
“Please know that my wife is not angry at me. It’s a small, but friendly ‘AITJ’ dispute we’re having, and she demands I consult the internet for a proper verdict.
My left leg has ‘frail bone’ from the knee to my ankle. (no, I don’t know what this means, doctors term, but I do know that that part of my leg is always causing me grief). My right knee is ‘crippled’ from a bowling injury (don’t judge me!
I call it crippled because it dislocates almost daily now because of this injury. I cannot swim because of it.) I have descending kneecaps on both knees.
I have extreme restless leg syndrome too and have to muscle massage my legs every morning if I even want to stand because of how hard I flex them in my sleep.
When I was 28, I incurred a severe lower back injury that resulted in two slipped discs which resulted in lifelong sciatica. I’ve thrown out both my middle back and upper back in lifting accidents. My left shoulder is bum because when I was younger, I treated myself like He-Man when I was a shopping cart collector for Wallyworld.
(Free advice, don’t try to steer and turn 20+ shopping carts without a machine). I have carpal tunnel in both my wrists and arthritis has been steadily creeping up on me. I’m also out of shape right now (just over 180lbs), so things like stairs cause mild breathing issues.
Long and short, I’m always in pain, or deeply uncomfortable. All this at 35!
My wife is due in 10 weeks (we are stupidly excited! She’s our first). Anyway, in the last couple of weeks, she’s developed restless leg syndrome. Our baby presses heavily on her sciatic nerve, so she’s got sciatica that shoots a bit down her knees.
For obvious reasons, she now becomes tired going up the stairs. You can see where this is going.
The joke: Last night she got into bed and groaned before sighing about her discomfort.
Here’s where I made the joke (and why I was called the jerk).
I said (in a dramatic game narrator voice) ‘Congratulations, you’ve achieved OP-mode’ before faux trumpeting a victory tune (FF7 for those who know it).
This went over poorly. She was ticked off. But the reason why I said she’s not angry is because after she went to the toilet for the hundredth time that day a little later, she returned to the room and said I’m a jerk, but that was pretty funny.
I say I’m not the jerk because, and this really only applies as we’ve been together a decade, it’s 100% in line with my humor that she has LONG known about (and often outdoes me with. I used to be the funny one in the relationship.
The Ryan Reynolds in her b***d has since become stronger than my own though). She says I’m the jerk because you should never joke about a pregnant woman’s discomfort, even if she finds it funny.
She told me to come on here to get properly judged (and sentenced).”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You tried to make a joke by comparing your various injuries which many seem to have stemmed from your adolescent behavior to her injuries which are caused by her being pregnant and bringing new life into this world.
Pregnancy is not some adolescent mistake, it’s the decision to make you both parents. Your attempts to downplay her injuries only make you seem ungrateful for the sacrifice she is making for her family.
I truly don’t get how people, especially men, especially men who are about to be fathers, choose to belittle their wives who are going through absolute misery to provide them with a new baby.
I get you think it’s funny because you want your injuries to be just as special as the stuff she’s going through to create new life. If my husband did that he’d be in the dog house because his job is to make me feel better through the turmoil of pregnancy not make himself feel better.” the_orig_princess
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I think speaking as someone who’s been pregnant and cried over little things. I think it’s more just hormones like she finds it funny but is upset that in some way her discomfort is the punchline to her, yes she’s being overly sensitive but with pregnancy that sounds like it’s just hormones and sensitivity.
When she said you can’t joke about a pregnant woman’s discomfort even if she herself finds it funny is 100% a thing I could see myself saying when I was pregnant, cause in my head even though it’s a funny joke, you’re still in some way the joke and with a pregnant brain that and things like washing a spoon can make you cry or mad or every emotion in under 3 minutes haha.
Best not to joke just to save moments like this not that there’s any harm.” Ok-Speed-9983
Another User Comments:
“In, like, the nicest ‘glad she wasn’t mad at you because it could go either way when you’re so close to your due date’ YTJ – it really sounds like what you have to go through sucks, and I’m sorry about that.
It’s still not growing a person though. And there’s a good chance that her body will be forever altered from carrying that child too.
Even if you’re technically right, and you two pick at each other all the time with no hard feelings, right now (and for months after the baby is born, to be honest) it’s gonna be best to choose empathy.
Next time it might not go this way. Hubby and I tease each other like this all the time, but I still cried at 35 weeks because he teased me about having a hard time getting out of the bed (kind of like a turtle stuck upside down).” freshwater-mermaid
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Honestly, your joke was pretty light-hearted and was, if anything, self-deprecating. She gets a pass just because she was grumpy from being pregnant. That said, I don’t think making jokes about pregnancy is necessarily out of bounds, but she has told you where her humor ends (right now).
However – this may be a good empathy exercise for her. She now has a slice of what it is like for you, with one exception – her issues will end in a few months, yours won’t.” bamf1701
10. AITJ For Being Annoyed That My Roommate Let A Stranger Stay At Our Place?
“I (22/f) and my roommate (23/f) have been best friends for 10 years now.
We moved in together 1 year ago and I never had anything to complain about… until now.
Because I have never taken a guy to our place, I told her that I‘m fine with her inviting someone, as long as she tells me about it beforehand.
A few weeks ago, she was talking to a guy on the internet and he wanted to meet up. I told her she should be careful and share her location with me in case something happens and she said ‘don’t worry, I‘ll be home by midnight’.
So I waited for her.. at 1 am I suddenly got a call from her, but the guy she met up with was on the phone. He said ‘Hi, it’s me. Your roommate told me I can come over to your place and she will make some pasta for me.
Is that alright?’ and I said yes because I didn’t want to ruin her night. But I was still a little mad because obviously, she let him call me, so I wouldn’t say no. So I send her a text saying ‘it’s alright if he comes over, but you know he can’t stay the night,’ and she responded ‘I know, he will take the bus home later.’ (I’m a very anxious person and having a random man stay at our apartment, sounds very dangerous to me.
I also wouldn’t feel comfortable going to the bathroom at night, fearing that I could run into him.)
My room is next to the kitchen and they were pretty loud while cooking, but when they went to her room at 2 am I finally fell asleep.
At 5 am I woke up again because I had to use the bathroom and what do I see in the hallway? Right… his shoes. In the morning I told her, that I’m disappointed that she didn’t tell me that he would sleep here and she said that she didn’t know how to tell him that he had to leave, so that’s why he stayed over.
A week later, I went home to my parent’s place for a few days and my roommate texted me saying ‘the guy from last week is staying over tonight, just wanted to let you know’ and I responded ‘yeah sure, no problem’ because if she feels safe with him, she can do whatever she wants as long as I’m not in the apartment.
The next morning, I send her a message… ‘hi! How was your night yesterday? I hope you had fun… also, wasn’t he annoyed that he had to get up and leave so early?’ (because my roommate had to go to work) and she responded ‘hey!
It was fun… and no, he didn’t leave. I told him he can stay so he’s still at our apartment until I get home from work.’
She was basically telling me that this stranger is staying at OUR small apartment by himself for over 8 hours, while the door to my room is wide open and unlocked and he could just go in, take my money, take a nap in my bed, etc.?
She told me she didn’t even consider that I would have a problem with that. Huh? If we were talking about a partner or her sister, sure… let them stay! But she doesn’t even know him. I was really mad at her, for making me feel unsafe and not respecting my privacy and she just couldn’t understand why.
Am I overreacting here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She showed an incredible lack of judgment & respect by leaving a dude she barely knows alone in your apartment.
Time for a roommate meeting in which it’s established that only visiting family members can be alone in the apartment.
All other guests must leave when their host does.
(Just to be on the safe side, also clarify that keys to the apartment should never be given to anyone, except if lent to approved houseguests & that key needs to be taken back at the end of their stay.)” rapt2right
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Neither of you is setting healthy boundaries. Both of you are choosing to ‘be nice’ instead of standing firm with healthy boundaries. Having a guy over so quickly isn’t safe. Leaving him alone in the apartment isn’t safe.
But both of you are choosing the ‘nice’ card instead of the ‘safe’ card.
Let him think you’re a jerk. Let your friend think you’re unreasonable. It’s better than being harmed in worse ways.” FrumpyHedgehog
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it seems like she’s being really disrespectful and inconsiderate.
I wouldn’t feel comfortable leaving a literal stranger at my home without me and here she is putting you in a situation where you’re going to be coming home with him there and be alone… this is like the start of a dateline episode.” TriZARAtops
Another User Comments:
“NTJ years ago I had a roommate who would do this. She didn’t have a car, she worked 7-3 and I worked 3-11 at the same place. She would go pick up men in bars and bring them home.
Then if they gave her a ride to work and were willing to pick her up she would have them come back and wait at our place. Like what?? So I would come downstairs in the morning in PJs to find a random dude in the kitchen, or even worse I would be up for a couple of hours doing whatever and some random would stroll out of her bedroom to use the bathroom.
I talked to her about it but she told me too bad because she needed to get home from work.
So I bought a door knob with a key for my bedroom door. If you have a screwdriver you can install it yourself.
You may need to ask your landlord and give them a spare key, but tell them you’ll put the old knob back on before you move out. Mine FLIPPED OUT when I locked my room which was weird how would she even know if she hadn’t tried to take something of mine while I was at work?
It didn’t help with waking up to men she didn’t even know in our apartment but at least I could lock my bedroom door at night and when I wasn’t home.” [deleted]
9. AITJ For Being Disappointed With My Pay?
“I (20F) have been working at this restaurant for 3 and a half years now. A little over a year ago we got a new owner and I was promoted to Assistant Manager.
Of course, this title came with a pay raise that brought me to $10.50. I was told at the time of this raise, I could ‘not make any more than this without being the General Manager’. I, a young naïve girl, took that as it was.
So I diligently worked up until now.
Side note, in August I began my college semester. I am a full-time Junior in college so I have a pretty busy week with school and work and seeing my family and fiancé.
I feel as though I have balanced it all pretty well, maintaining good grades while still working 30-35 hour work weeks. I did have to step back from a few of my responsibilities as a manager because of school, but nothing major.
I still worked on them just not as often as over the summer. I was still a very hard worker even though I wasn’t fully involved in some of my managerial tasks. I made sure the store looked its best every morning, every shift, every time I was there.
So flash forward to a month or two ago, I ask my boss for a raise. I felt as though I had put in good work over my past year of managing and my coworkers had also received raises so I felt like the time was good.
I presented my case to my boss seeing as it had been a year and it was about to be the summer so I could pick up more. I was met to no avail. Not a straight yes or no but he laughed at me and said we’ll talk later.
My reasoning for wanting a raise is that I am engaged so I need to be saving for a house soon. I also have a lot of upcoming wedding expenses and I also pay bills, so I felt my request for a raise was not a selfish one.
Things were not as expensive a year ago when I started at $10.50.
A girl who has been working for us for less than a year now, however, within the time for me asking for a raise, was bumped up to $13.
Backstory on her, she has been working with us for less than a year now. She is a year younger than me but she dropped out of college because she was failing so she only works and has no other responsibilities.
She is one of our shift leads and she handles putting away our truck and doing prep.
I feel I may be the jerk because she is in a different financial state than I am. She and her mom have not been well off, this girl pays most of the bills for her and her mom while her mom steals the funds for, she thinks, illegal substances.
So, AITJ for being upset about how much I’m getting paid compared to a position below me?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your pay & raises aren’t based on hardships outside of work. They are based on your position, the quality of work you put out, the quantity of work you put out (in relation to quality), and just your overall WORK performance.
I would definitely be upset. I would bring this up with your manager using specifics as to why you’re entitled to a raise and how you know another employee in a lower position is making more.
If you don’t get the raise I’d consider looking for a new job.
You aren’t appreciated or valued at this one.” 926dr
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Maybe your boss is one, but there was so much irrelevant info here, I just got lost. OP, your boss will not give you a raise because you have expenses, want to get married, whatever.
Those are all ‘you’ problems. Your boss might give you a raise because you do a good job or have taken on more responsibilities or something else that relates to the boss’ welfare. It is none of your business how your coworkers spend their money or what their family situations are like.
If you made the same speech to your boss as you put in this post, I can see why he laughed at you. I think your best move is to try to find some other job that pays better.” YMMV-But
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It does not matter about her financial state. Companies do not care what you or any employee needs to do (make a living/be happy/etc). If they did, you could tell them you needed a Porsche.
What matters to the company is what you do for them. Usually, supervisors/managers earn more because they have to put up with employee/matters/scheduling.
That said, if the other individual is not in your chain of command – you might make less because they might have more responsibilities than you, or their expertise is more valuable.” crbryant1972
8. AITJ For Buying A Jacket That Belonged To My Sister-In-Law's Late-Dad?
“My sister-in-law’s father passed away a few months ago. He was a wealthy and fashionable man, I always adored his sense of style. My sis-in-law decided to donate most of his clothes, much to my disappointment, since his things were all high-quality.
Her father had this one vintage jacket that looks awesome and probably cost a lot. Both I and my brother (her husband) asked if we could take it, but she refused, saying that seeing someone else wearing her father’s things will just remind her of his passing.
I told my brother that I’m willing to pay for this jacket, so he agreed to convince his wife to put it on sale. I bought it through my friend’s account, so she wouldn’t know it was me. I wasn’t planning to wear it near her, so I thought that what she doesn’t know can’t hurt her.
I was wearing it only when I was going out with my friends, I even made sure that I wouldn’t wear it in photos that my brother’s wife could see.
Two days ago I got kind of wasted while out with my friends and missed my last bus, so I asked my brother if he could pick me up.
I guess he was out somewhere with his wife because they came together… and I was wearing her father’s jacket, which she noticed.
Now she’s refusing to speak to me and even my own brother is mad for pulling him into this mess.
My sis-in-law asked me to give it back, but I refused – I paid for it. Now both of them don’t talk to me.
I think I might be a jerk for not returning it when she asked, maybe I should’ve suggested for them to repurchase it.”
Another User Comments:
“Look, ultimately, YTJ. I think your sister-in-law is being a bit unreasonable, but, that doesn’t excuse that you concocted a scheme to go against her wishes and buy the jacket without her knowing. She has every right to be annoyed, and I hope the jacket is worth that hit to your relationship with her.
Your brother is also kinda the jerk for betraying her trust and enabling you, for the same reasons.
If you know someone wants something (the jacket to not be around), and you care about them, and you act against their wishes for selfish reasons, you’re the jerk.
That doesn’t mean you should feel bad, but you should definitely know you’re in the wrong.” Arc_Nexus
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You went behind her back, using someone else’s account to purchase something for no other reason than you found it ‘fashionable,’ and with no sympathy for her pain.
She said OUT LOUD how seeing those clothing pieces would make her feel, and you simply didn’t care. Your ego and image were more important to you. Then you prioritized the money you spent over her feelings, making you the jerk twice over.” MerelyWhelmed1
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She didn’t want her father’s clothes to be worn by people she knew and who she might see in them. You used deception to circumvent her wishes. You don’t get to decide her wishes are unreasonable just because you wanted her dead father’s jacket.
Get your own jacket on eBay or something instead of lying to get what you want.” UrsaGeorge
7. AITJ For Trying To Find A Solution?
“I am a 19F, my mother is a 45F. I came home today in tears because my laptop which my father had taken to repair is taking a week longer than it was supposed to, and I really really needed it for classes next week.
I went and begged my mom to take me there tomorrow so I could ask them in person how long it would take. She told me to ask my dad for the number, but my dad got mad at me for asking it and pestering him and refused to give it so I asked my mom if she knew the address of the shop, and she didn’t tell me either.
So I tried to look it up so I could find the number, and she gave me directions to walk there. It was 20 mins away but it was dark already, so I tried to book a ride, but she flew into a rage about how I suck away at her life by overreacting about things like this and that if she suffered from hypertension it would be my fault.
In her defense, she was already in a bad mood and it is my fault for incensing it, but I swear, I wasn’t trying to pester her, I was trying to find ways so that I could solve the problem by myself, but I couldn’t get those ways without her or my dad.
I guess I shouldn’t have gotten worked up and anxious but I’m terrified to be both of those things because it always ends in a shouting match between the two of us.
EDIT: The weird thing is that my mom gets incensed when I keep things to myself and try to work it out on my own, but she acts like this when I want to rely on her too.”
Another User Comments:
“It seems like she hasn’t considered that she (and your dad) are major contributors to your anxiety and that a lot of stress could be avoided if they treated you with more respect. Relying on her to solve a big problem should not send her into a frenzy like that – it seems like she’s overreacting and shifting that onto you.
NTJ.” candycupid
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honestly, it sounds like they made it more difficult for you on purpose. You needed something that is done that is important and they denied you the info and then blamed it on you.
Is this a pattern with them?” SendPicsOfDogs
6. AITJ For Standing Up For Myself In An Argument With A Friend?
“I (18f) got in a bad fight with my friend (19f) last night regarding a boundary I had set.
For context, I have been looking for an apartment with another friend but then let’s call her Cassie said she wanted to live with us too. I don’t think Cassie and my other friend really like each other that much.
Cassie has been talking about living together for a while and I said we needed to wait on discussing it because my other friend wasn’t getting enough hours at her job and Cassie did not yet have a job.
Cassie recently had gotten a very high-paying job in the area and then I decided to put the subject on the table.
Cassie texted me a few nights ago asking if it would be okay if we looked at a four-bedroom so one of her friends could live with us.
I said I wasn’t sure because Cassie and her friend do the forbidden salad and Cassie knows I have never been comfortable with it/being around it (I’m not really comfortable with it with things that happened in the past and where I live the legal age is 21.) Cassie just said ‘okay then we aren’t going to be able to live together’ and I said that was fine and could still visit each other often.
I’ve never judged Cassie on this and have just stated I would rather not take any. This has been an ongoing problem where Cassie wants me to get intoxicated with her/or be intoxicated while I’m around and I politely decline and she will drop it.
Her: You wouldn’t get in trouble because it’s not in your possession.
Me: I still am not willing to compromise on this I’m sorry.
Her: Fine I’m not going to be paying to be somewhere I can’t relax.
Me: Okay, I’m not going to be paying to live somewhere I am not comfortable and constantly worrying.
Her: (goes on to say nothing will happen and such.)
Me: I’m still not compromising on this and you should respect my boundaries like I would with yours.
She said she has always respected them and she didn’t drink on her birthday because I was there. And it was basically a loop of her saying I was being unfair and I told her we already said we wouldn’t be living together in the first place.
Then she said I was judging her for doing those kinds of things and I up on her a bit because I’ve stated so many times that I don’t judge her at all and she takes me not wanting to do that kind of things as judging.
I don’t understand why she started an argument when she was the one who said we shouldn’t live together. There are some small details I left out of our argument but I think this post is long enough already.
I talked to my friend about it and they think I was not a jerk because I was standing up for myself and she was trying to make me feel bad for it. So, AITJ?
Edit: I need to clarify that Cassie has never pressured me to partake in substances, just asks if I would once in a while and drops it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but you are too caught up in the drama. It’s not that complicated, or even about boundaries. You have different lifestyles and you wouldn’t be compatible as roommates. This doesn’t mean you can’t still be good friends.
I know tons of amazing people I wouldn’t want to live with.” Used_Mark_7911
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Personally, I’d have no problem with the forbidden salad and I don’t understand people who do. Nevertheless, you have a right to live in a place where you don’t have to be constantly around the forbidden salad if that’s how you want to live your life.
Cassie needs to stop pestering you to partake, and she really has no valid reason to be upset with you given that all that occurred was a discussion about potentially moving in together. All you did was discuss your expectations for living arrangements and found that they’re incompatible.
That’s kind of why you have those discussions before you start actively looking… This should be real easy for Cassie to get over and move on. If not, then you may want to consider imposing even more boundaries.” zszal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, doesn’t matter if it is right or wrong you both have the right to live comfortably and feel safe no matter what. Look do I agree about how you feel no. But I respect it. No one should ever try and pressure anyone to do anything.
If you can’t respect each other then moving in is off the table and so should this friendship. I think you were wise and boundaries are good in friendships.” Dalfina
5. AITJ For Changing My Mind?
“Yesterday my (21F) housemate (22F), we will call her Riley, asked in passing if she could invite two of our mutual friends over to spend the night. I said yes not thinking much of it at the time, as I was preoccupied.
A few hours later, I had thought about it more, and realized I did not want anyone coming over to the house for the weekend. I have chronic migraines and go to bed early to help prevent them. When people are over, I am woken up often because my room is on the ground floor and has glass doors that don’t provide noise suppression.
Riley is aware of my migraines and knew I had a lot of work to do this weekend, so I needed the sleep to be able to do it.
I texted her saying that after taking the time to think, I had changed my mind and did not want people over, giving her my reasons.
She proceeded to blow up at me, saying that she had the worst week, asking where she and her friends were going to go, saying ‘sorry but’ they were staying the night anyway and that when she asked me originally, she wasn’t asking for my permission, but was just letting me know.
I responded saying that I should be able to have a say in who comes to our house. Then I said I felt disrespected because if she was not asking for my permission, then why did she ask in the first place?
I then restated why I could not have anyone over.
Riley then sent a barrage of thirteen texts. She said she understood how I need quiet for my health, but that she ‘deserves to socialize to feel better.’ She then insinuated that because it was a Friday, I was being a bit of a square for wanting to rest. She then said that she did the chores for me all week because I was sick, but because I have work to do, she has to ‘sit like a bump on a log’ in her room.
What really bothered me about that was I never asked her to do those chores for me. She did them of her own free will. Although I did appreciate it, it was still her own choice and she should not be trying to use that as leverage.
My final text to her was that I told her I needed to take the night to process all that she had said to me and figure out what I wanted to say, and that we would talk about it later in person.
I ended by saying I was sure we would be able to figure everything out.
I am not mad at Riley, I just feel disrespected. She has a pattern of disregarding my needs, but always expecting me to fulfill hers and getting exceptionally upset when I can’t.
Sometimes I would like to focus on myself and what is best for me without having the fear of angering her. Please let me know what you think!”
Another User Comments:
“A very gentle YTJ. You share a house, it is not yours alone.
She asked first and you did say yes. You have the right to change your mind but ultimately, it’s not like you’re a live-in landlord like I am… and even I don’t impose rules of ‘no people over, I’m not well’.
I’m disabled and I have 2 lodgers, they pay to live in my home and because they pay, they have a right to have a life in my home too.
I know it’s frustrating but you can’t expect people to tiptoe around your migraines and think about them above their own wants and needs when you’re saying yes to them.
If you’re that bad, maybe you shouldn’t be house-sharing. If I’m having a flare-up, I take myself to my room, pop my earphones in and allow them to go about their lives. If they take the mick and are unnecessarily loud then file a complaint with your landlord but make sure you get evidence in the form of recordings of noise etc.” Arkoudaki87
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You pay rent, you do live there, and your housemate is acting like the only place that exists in the world is your house. You’re allowed to say no, and she is perfectly welcome to go elsewhere to hang with her friends so she can socialize.
It’s a consent thing. You can say yes, and you can withdraw that yes at any time and it should be respected. You should be living equally under the same roof.
I would say if she keeps doing this to you and it’s impacting your mental health, it may be time to find a new place to live.” versaillesna
Another User Comments:
“YTJ if she was constantly inviting people over causing your migraines or she invited people over without consulting you then you’d have a leg to stand on but she asked and you said yes. It sounds like she is pretty accommodating of your needs overall and it’s unfair of you to expect her to never have people over.
I also get chronic migraines and I fully understand the impact it has but I also understand other people’s lives don’t revolve around me and that while I can ask for concessions I can’t have my perfect environment 100% of the time.
Your headaches are important but your housemate’s mental health is important too and it doesn’t sound like you’re doing much comprising.” yourfavhotmess
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, it’s not her fault that you didn’t think things out before you agreed, but it’s also not for her to judge what you do with your life on Friday evening.
Also, she sucks for pointing out she did some things when you were sick. But you suck for thinking you’re the only one to have a say in who visits your house. Don’t say you feel disrespected about such small things, it loses value.” durmik
4. AITJ For Being Mad When My Partner Uses My Deodorant?
“A couple of months ago my partner started using my deodorant. At first, it was only when we were somewhere else and she didn’t have anything else to use but over the months she started to use it on a daily basis.
Today I tried to tell her (in the nicest way I could) that I would like her to get herself a different deodorant because I don’t want my partner smelling just like I do. Having my partner smell good with their own distinct smell didn’t seem to be such a huge demand, I thought, but we have been discussing it the whole day now and she doesn’t understand that I want her to have her own smell.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m gonna go with ‘no jerks here’ because this is such an insignificant problem but you’re both being kinda crazy like who uses someone else’s deodorant? And who cares enough to police the particular scent of their partner’s deodorant?
I guess my advice is to tell her to buy her own stick because you’re uncomfy with her mooching off yours just cause it’s convenient, rather than make a federal case about her smelling just like you.” willowdove01
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Nothing wrong with saying you want to keep your deodorant to yourself and she should get her own stick (like she should have her own toothbrush and loofa), but this part about wanting her to smell different from you is weird behavior.
Moreover, how much deodorant do you use that you can smell distinctly from your armpits all the time? I wear it every day and I couldn’t tell you what my deodorant smells like. And does she not shampoo her hair or use any other product that smells either?
This is just such a bizarre level of sensitivity you’re displaying that it feels like there’s gotta be something more psychological going on.” Leaves_Swype_Typos
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t understand the YTJ votes saying you’re trying to ‘dictate her scent’ when the only thing you’re requesting is she use any scent other than the one you’ve always used. Seems pretty reasonable.
Scent is one of the strongest senses when it comes to memory and attraction, not wanting to smell your own smell on the person you’re going out with is pretty reasonable and it’s not like you’re forcing her to use a particular scent, just not the one you use.
It also seems like she had no problems with using a different one until y’all got together so you’re not asking her to change something she had been doing since before y’all got together.” gettingbicurious
Another User Comments:
“My wife uses mine about 75% of the time.
Honestly, I don’t notice. I really don’t get why it’s a big deal. If you don’t want her smelling like you, get deodorant that doesn’t smell so strongly. I mean really, the stuff is supposed to make you not smell bad, if you want to smell good you should be using a cologne/perfume or even a particularly fragrant laundry detergent.
Soft YTJ. Seems like a really simple thing to just get over.” rinkitinkitink
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Your partner needs her own deodorant for hygiene reasons. So, she’s a jerk for disrespecting a reasonable boundary about using your hygiene product.
It sounds to me like if she did that, and got the same kind you use, that that wouldn’t be good enough for you.
So you are a jerk too because you don’t get to tell people how they should smell.
You can get her perfume, but you can’t demand that she wears it without being a big jerk.” toofat2serve
3. AITJ For Asking A Stranger To Watch My Bag At The Airport?
“I (29M) am at the airport (small, Midwest US, domestic terminal). There’s literally no one else at this gate (or basically in the whole airport) besides me and this lady with her son. I REALLY need to use the restroom since I was a bit late getting out of the hotel this AM and my bags are a bit disorganized from the security checkpoint, plus I’m holding a coffee and sandwich I just bought.
Bathrooms are right next to the gate we’re sitting at – no more than 50 feet away.
Now, before I go further with this, note that I’m a pretty experienced traveler as I lived abroad for a few years in several places.
I usually NEVER do this since I’ve found most people want to be left alone at the airport, but I ask politely if the woman can just keep an eye on my bag (I’m sitting right in front of her) while I go to the restroom – at this point, I’m about to pee my pants and I can’t take a second to arrange everything to bring to the restroom with me.
She stares me dead in the eyes and replies harshly ‘no I can’t.’ I honestly thought she was joking because of how blunt she was being, so I smile and say ‘no?’ She snaps at me and goes ‘absolutely not – are you kidding me?
Can’t you see I have enough going on here? No, I can’t watch your bags,’ sighing after muttering the last word and looking away. I apologize for bothering her and bring all my stuff in disarray to the restroom with me.
Am I the jerk for even asking?
EDIT: After reading all your input, would just like to say it’s quite clear I am the jerk.
- Should have just used the restroom at the hotel.
- Should have just taken 90 seconds to consolidate electronics and carry-on.
- Don’t grab a coffee and a bagel – go to the bathroom first.
- Should not have asked someone to watch my bags, regardless of how few people were around, regardless of personal needs, regardless of how close the bathrooms were.
All irrelevant for several obviously stated reasons. Creepy, dangerous, and also stupid on my part – she’s also a stranger who could easily walk off with all my stuff.
- Should DEFINITELY not have assumed she was joking by saying ‘no.’ This is honestly the part I’m most ashamed of since although it wasn’t at the time, it’s the most transparent situation there could possibly be.
I’m a total stranger asking her and her kid to watch a soccer duffle bag and laptop case in an empty airport. I can’t explain why I thought she was joking, I guess sometimes I have that sense of humor when a friend or family member asks something of me, I’ll say ‘Yeeeah no sorry I can’t do that’ immediately followed up by a ‘just kidding’.
Horrible horrible read on the situation by me.
While I originally thought her response was somewhat rude and blunt, looking back it’s quite obvious that she has every right to react the way she did. Plus she may have other stuff going on that I’m not aware of.
Series of several bad decisions in a few minutes. Not my proudest moment.
For those saying I’m not an experienced traveler – maybe I’m not. A better way to put it would have been ‘I have experience with air travel.’ From the states originally, I lived abroad for 5 years in Europe making frequent trips to and from the US for both work and studies.
Also traveled to Europe for work pretty often. Never once before have I asked someone to watch my bags. This was for sure a first and last.
Topping it off – I knew the woman and her child were on my flight.
After getting situated I did a quick once-over glance up and down the aisle and noticed she was sitting behind me in one row and on the opposite side window. Awkward eye contact, I give an apologetic pathetic smile as if to say, ‘yeah sorry about earlier, that’s my bad.’ I didn’t want to come off as creepy by verbally apologizing again to her, maybe I should have… didn’t want to bother them more than I already did.”
Another User Comments:
“If you’re an experienced traveler, then you should know this is something that airports insist no one do while they’re waiting in the terminal. You do not ask someone to do this and you do not do this if someone asks you.
It doesn’t matter if there aren’t a lot of people at the gate. She has a right to say no, as it is a complete sentence.
You don’t know what she had going on with herself and her child at that moment, so to think she was somehow wrong for responding in the negative, no matter how she said it to you, is a little entitled. Leaving your hotel late, buying a coffee and a sandwich, and having to struggle by taking all of that into the bathroom was a you-problem.
Hoping someone can help you out in a tight spot doesn’t make you or anyone else the jerk.
But YTJ for asking, having her say ‘no’ and then framing it as if somehow she’s the one who had done something wrong.” User
Another User Comments:
“This might be a cultural thing if you are used to flying through Europe and the like. A lot of the comments are saying ‘You should never watch someone else’s luggage at an airport’ but I’ve never heard of concerns like that (unattended luggage, sure but never ‘don’t watch other people’s luggage’).
That seems like it might be an American thing and if you aren’t used to that, then fair enough.
For my part, I think it doesn’t seem like a huge problem to ask someone to watch your luggage for a minute.
So I would say NTJ.
Although it really depends on whether they are actually that strict about it in the States if there are signs in place asking passengers to not do that then asking it might put the other person in a bit of a difficult situation, in which case it might potentially lean towards YTJ.” Sabor117
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. For all that woman knew you could have been a smuggler. It’s common knowledge to not accept responsibility for other luggage because once it’s in their hands if you happened to have a loaded suitcase a dog hit on she would have been in trouble.
Not only the safety concern but you saw she had a CHILD with her. Her hands were literally full watching her child in an airport. It’s hard to contain children in new environments or busy ones. You could have just left them and gone to the restroom or better yet find airport personnel and tell them you need to use the restroom and ask them to watch your bags.
Never ask a complete stranger. It wasn’t her fault you were late leaving the hotel, it’s all on you. Getting upset she said no is wrong. She said no so you shouldn’t have said anything further and accepted her no.” BubblyShae
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, I guess this is an unpopular opinion but I don’t think it’s a jerk move to ask a polite request of someone in public. I also don’t think it’s a jerk move to say no to someone’s polite request. You also apologized and walked away (hopefully a sincere apology and not a snide one) so I don’t think there was anything particularly jerkish about your interaction.” genie610
Another User Comments:
“Really surprised by all the YTJs. I mean yeah, an Airport might be a bit different, but I’ve asked people several times on the train, in the library, or on campus if they could watch my stuff for a second, and nobody ever said no or seemed bothered by my request. Really sounds like a US problem to me, can’t imagine anyone in Europe reacting like that Lady, or rather I just thought she must have had a really bad day.
NTJ.” sugar-choc
2. AITJ For Not Letting My Kid Dye Her Hair?
“This morning, around 10 AM, my daughter (9) was watching YouTube Kids.
I was supervising. She clicked on a video of a YouTuber dying her hair purple, which I didn’t mind. I thought it would be a learning experience for her.
Fast forward an hour or so later, she asks me if she can get her hair dyed purple.
Keep in mind, that she is a redhead, and dying her hair would change that. She might regret it later on. I, myself, dyed my hair too much when I was in college, so my hair is no longer red like how it used to be and is now a dull brown (the father isn’t present, so people sometimes ask if my daughter is adopted and I have to explain this to them.) I told her that she could when she is older, but that I didn’t want her to dye it so young because she wouldn’t be able to get her natural hair color back.
She went back into her room crying, so I left her alone for a few minutes, then knocked on her door and asked if I could talk to her. She allowed me in, so I sat next to her and talked about my own experiences with dying my hair, and how I didn’t want her to make the same mistake, let alone at her age.
I made sure she knew that I wasn’t scolding her, and I didn’t think she had done anything wrong, and she seemed to understand. I suggested a few temporary alternatives to dying if she really wanted to, which led to us looking online for hair chalk.
We found some, and they will be delivered on the 30th, so for now I’m just hoping my daughter is patient.
I don’t mind if my daughter wants to express herself, it would be hypocritical of me to say no, my issue is the permanent effects that may come with it.
I know plenty of kids her age get their hair dyed, and I don’t think it’s ‘inappropriate’ or ‘rebellious’. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You will be letting her dye her hair with temporary, washable methods like hair chalk.
Permanent chemical dyes aren’t the only way to dye your hair (they also don’t permanently change hair color, but they can damage hair texture). There isn’t a real conflict here. Your daughter wanted purple hair. You told her permanent dyes were bad and when she got upset you clarified that temporary dyes were ok and ordered them for her.” LoupGarou95
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re not limiting her freedom of self-expression, since you found a compromise. I do think 9 is young for harsh chemicals. She’d have to bleach it first which is highly damaging and it burns the scalp like crazy.
When I was maintaining blond, the bleach would almost bring me to tears it burned so much. And yes it would ruin the color of the hair she has now, but not new growth. She can always grow it back out.
Curlsmith brand has color gels that work well & wash out after the first wash. They have multiple colors. There are also plenty of temporary dyes that go on unbleached hair and wash away after a couple of washes. I’d look into those.
On a side note, when she’s older, she is going to have to make her own mistakes & you need to let her experience them, as long as they’re not dangerous or life-ruining.” Holmes221bBSt
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. She’s not a jerk for wanting to experiment with hair color, you’re not a jerk for not allowing it yet.
Even though you now know you’re wrong about the permanent color changing, it would probably take multiple rounds of bleach and toning to get enough of the orange out of your daughter’s hair to make purple work.
I would hesitate to use that much bleach on a 9-year-old even if it wouldn’t be very expensive to get a trained professional (and for the love of, well, your daughter, don’t DIY this) to make her hair a pretty purple.
How about getting her some hair chalks or clip-in extensions to experiment?” Signal-Television510
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Dyeing your hair doesn’t change the color of new growth. A 2-second Google shows red hair naturally darkens and becomes less red as you age.
I find it hard to believe people ask if your child is adopted because your hair colors aren’t the same. You seem to miss your red hair, but that’s your issue; maybe your daughter doesn’t love her red hair the way you do.” TemptingPenguin369
Another User Comments:
“So…that’s not how hair works. Dying or bleaching your hair doesn’t cause a permanent change. It doesn’t impact the root of the hair, which is why people need to get touch-ups all of the time. YTJ for not understanding hair.” [deleted]
1. AITJ For Not Wanting To Deal With These Kids Despite Them Being In A Tough Situation?
“I (19M) live with my mom and little sister.
Mom needed help with my little sister so I sacrificed some time off before doing what I want to do in life. About two days ago, my mom’s friend was badly wounded so mom decided to watch the children of five while the situation dies down.
The next day (Friday), mom has a job interview that lasted all day and I had to go to my job at the local movie theater that I love. My mom told me that morning to call out of work to watch five children, a puppy (a week ago, we adopted a puppy of a few months), and my sister.
Bad thing is that my manager asked me before the schedule was finalized if I could work Friday, but can’t always account for the mistakes.
So I call out, and the rest of the day after mom left was miserable.
I’m constantly telling them to stop messing with things that are not theirs and they ended up breaking some valued souvenirs of mom’s, breaking a gift I got for my sister from work, and ripping papers out of my mom’s work notebook.
And that’s not even the boiling point. They all wanted cereal. I wanted cereal too, but ya know, adults eat last. We had one box of Captain Crunch and one box of cinnamon toast and one gallon of milk. They ate through the box of captain crunch and half a gallon of milk.
I lost my hunger after that. Mom bought a box of breakfast sandwiches and they ate through that too.
So at that point, I just didn’t know what to do. They ate through all our food, wouldn’t listen to me, and I had to call out of work just for this.
They start to cry and get upset because they don’t want to be here but they don’t know how bad the situation actually is with their mom being in the hospital. I tell them that they’re safe here until the situation dies down.
I’m surprised that I’m still calm but when one of the boys started using the limited smell-good spray we have, I snapped. I started yelling and cussing because I didn’t want to do this then I realized that they were just children.
So I take the puppy, go into my room, look the door, and proceeded to play Lego Star Wars: The Skywalker Saga. So my mom gets back with their wrapped-up mom from the hospital. They instantly shook in fear. I tell her what had all happened and the mom was embarrassed and gave them a lecture.
After that, we all ate pizza and went to sleep. I still have the want to kick them out because they’re still here so, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Feelings and emotions and desires don’t make jerks.
Actions do. So, since you’re not actively kicking these children out of your home, into a situation that they won’t be cared for, no, you’re not a jerk.” toofat2serve
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – How do you plan to kick people out of a home that isn’t yours?
I’m very curious to know what kind of temper tantrum would have to occur to accomplish that.
You do not have the temperament or good judgment to be around children (locking them outside, or threatening to, is very damaging and awful), and you don’t have the decency to not stress out their clearly injured mother and instead dump the behavior of her children on her right there and then you want to dictate who should and shouldn’t be in your mother’s home.” Justalilcrazy82
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but don’t keep sugar cereal in the house. No wonder they break things, they are pumped up on sugar. Get some Rice Krispies or whatever and don’t buy the sugar crap stuff when kids are around.
Plus they might leave more for you.
I worry that this may have been a bad time to get a puppy too. Hope pup is okay.” exotics
