People Inquire For Our Take On Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
20. AITJ For Baking Cheap Lasagna For My Partner?
“I (24F) make a delicious lasagna from scratch that takes hours and lots of money to make. It’s so good that friends and family ask me to make it for them for birthdays instead of getting them a gift. Last month I decided to make it for my partner (23F); I spent a lot of money on the ingredients and then more than half of the day making the herb-infused fresh pasta dough, the ragu, etc…
When she came over, she took a couple of bites and said that she didn’t understand why I spent so much time and money on it because it tasted EXACTLY like the lasagna she would make with canned Panzani bolognese sauce and boxed pasta sheets (not similar, not kinda like, but EXACTLY like it).
My feelings were a lil hurt ngl, but I understand that to each their tastes and I just told her I’m sorry she didn’t like it that much and then kept it pushing and suggested we watch a movie.
Flashforward to yesterday, she was coming over for dinner and I asked her what she wanted to eat and she said ‘Lasagna’.
So I popped over to the store and got panzani sauce and pasta sheets to make it because A) She said my lasagna and the quick made one tasted the exact same, so no need to spend a lot on ingredients, and B) Because even if I had wanted to make my recipe, I wouldn’t have the time since it takes me an entire afternoon, which is why it’s a special occasions thing.
So she showed up at my house, took one bite of the lasagna, and then spat it out and said that it tastes different. When I told her I made it how she did, she got really upset at me and said that I wasn’t putting in effort and that she was expecting to have a real meal and not something cheap.
I pointed out the comments she made last time, and she rolled her eyes and said she was clearly exaggerating. So then I got upset, so what?
The situation got brought up to our mutual friends, most have stayed out of it but two of them think I’m the jerk because my SO clearly meant she wanted my ‘special’ lasagna which is why she asked for it as dinner and that I should have let her known beforehand that I was going to make one using premade sauce, etc…
I think it was clear that that’s what I was gonna do cause she literally asked for lasagna 2 hours before coming over, which is not enough time to make the ‘special’ one even if I wanted to. AITJ?
To clarify, the ‘cheap’ lasagna tasted just fine, pretty tasty even!
Just not at all comparable to the original one, in my opinion.”
Another User Comments:
“Err, NTJ. You made your partner dinner, why is she complaining so much? Why has your ‘special’ lasagna become the only acceptable dinner that you can make?
Not to mention her prior remarks, which were disparaging of the time, effort, and money you put into the special version. She’s contradicting herself now by saying they are different in her eyes and that she likes the special one better.
You’d be kind of an idiot to put a bunch of time and money into a recipe she has stated she does not value, not to mention as you said it wasn’t feasible with the time you had.
Tell your partner to cut the crap, learn to show gratitude, or get out.” owls_and_cardinals
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, you are NTJ.
Even if she was exaggerating with her initial comments, it was pretty clear that she was at least saying she didn’t think the time and effort were worth it compared to just a cheap easy lasagna, which she even admitted she makes herself anyway.
She is aware of the time and effort it takes to make your lasagna and thus should have known that the 2-hour notice would not be enough time to make it.
I’d have been hurt too by that comment. I’ve been crafting a chili recipe for a while now that I’m very proud of, and similarly, it’s an all-day procedure (even though most of that time is messing around while the pot simmers untouched), and if someone tried my chili and told me it tasted just like the chili they make at home with just ground beef and a couple of jars of spaghetti sauce I’d be pretty upset too.
But that kind of comment also just sends a couple of signals, such as ‘your effort doesn’t mean too much to me’ and ‘I don’t mind cheap or easy food’ and so yeah, I would also trim down my level of effort for that person.
I’d only note that even though it should have been obvious to her, it would have helped your case if you had sent her a message clarifying that you’d make the cheap easy one since you didn’t have time now for your special recipe, but in my opinion, she still had some pretty rude reactions to you at both instances so still NTJ.” gamblingGenocider
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She told you it tasted exactly like the cheap stuff because she was purposefully putting you down… You know that bc she said she was exaggerating when she made those comments. You had probably talked about how good the lasagna was and how you enjoyed making it.
She wanted to tear you down a couple of pegs.
Please. Do not stay with her. If you do something great, she will probably try to one-up you for the rest of your lives together. Believe her when she shows you who she is.” melly_swelly
19. AITJ For Not Wanting To Come To My Uncle's Engagement Party?
“I (14m) recently had an argument with my uncle (52m) over not wanting to go out to dinner with him, his fiance, and some other family members.
The reason why I didn’t want to go is that his fiance knowingly dated a married man (aka my uncle), and my uncle had an affair behind his wife’s back, and neither of them seem to show any remorse.
His previous wife (AKA my aunt) is a great woman and I have nothing but high praise to say about her, she is one of the nicest people I have met and the affair absolutely broke her, she lived with me and my mom for a while so I tried to comfort her as much as I could, she is currently doing fine and has contact with the family but obviously avoids my uncle.
The main issue happened earlier today, my uncle (who I try to avoid as much as I can) came to my house while I was home alone to drop off some invitations for his engagement party, I said thank you and that I would give them to my mom when she got back and I tried to close the door but he stopped me and let himself in, I was annoyed but I figured he wouldn’t be long.
He started telling me about the party while I was washing dishes in the kitchen and he brought up a dress code he had established and asked me what I was planning on wearing.
I decided to be honest and say I wasn’t going, I told him that based on my personal moral standard he and his SO are not people I want to talk to.
When I said this he exploded and called me a moody teenage brat, I did my best to keep my composure but I did exchange some insults with him and called his SO cheap.
He left angrily and I just moved on with my day, when my mom got home she asked me about a message my uncle sent her calling me a jerk and saying that he never wanted to see me again, I explained what happened and my mom said that she supported me but what I said wasn’t okay.
I don’t think I did anything wrong but the more I think about it the more I feel like the jerk, so, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That’s a quality moral compass you have there. Top self.
While, as you say it devolved into an argument, you handled declining the invite with as much grace as anyone has reason to expect from a 14-year-old. You added some brutally honest commentary that they, as people, do not meet your standards.
In what was probably one of your first peer-based conversations with your Uncle, that takes a lot of self-assurance. Stay the course as you’ve picked one that can only serve you well in life.” SweetieLove
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Uncle messed up, he should expect some backlash.
I think that you shouldn’t tell him to his face though. You did the right thing and stood by your convictions and your aunt. I think it kind of stung for the uncle since he probably liked you, but I don’t think you two were ever going to have a good relationship anyway.
I just think that maybe you could have just lied to him and said you couldn’t go or something. I think you should just have stated you were hurt by his actions. In my opinion, insulting his is a move, though she did do something pretty messed up.” nerdcoffin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. With full sincerity: he started it. He picked a fight with a teenager instead of being a mature adult.
I can understand your mother trying to be a good parent, telling you that what you said wasn’t very nice, but honestly… your uncle and her wife made their bed, and now they get to lie in it.
If it was any other context, I’d object to calling a woman cheap, but she was a willing affair partner, and that in itself shows that she doesn’t have a very strong moral compass.
A few unkind words from a brutally honest teenager are karma in my books.
I’m sorry that you’ve found yourself involved in the adults’ drama, though, I’m sure it must’ve been really tough to see your aunt’s heartbreak, and now your spiteful uncle is blowing in your face because of his own actions.” fungistate
18. AITJ For Not Buying An Expensive Laptop For My Nephew?
“I (26f) have been together with my fiancee for 6 years. My sister-in-law ‘Anna’ has 2 kids ‘Holly’ (7f) and ‘Drew’ (5m). I also have a cousin ‘Dan’ (18m) who I have seen growing up in front of my eyes but haven’t had a chance to spend much time with him as he got older since he lives in a different country.
Dan started his first year at uni last September and has recently received a letter from his dream uni that someone dropped out so they have a spot for him, but it means he has to enroll as soon as possible and start mid-term.
That dream uni is also located in a country that is different from where I or he lives. His course is heavily loaded with computing and programming, so I and my family decided to gift him a gaming laptop (2500$+) since he is also really into games and plays competitively and will need a laptop for uni anyway (he won’t be able to bring his rig over).
I have paid for the majority of it as I and my fiancee are quite lucky with jobs and each of us has our own saving pot. Dan is really happy with his present and is beyond thankful.
Now Holly and Drew have birthdays a few days apart, which normally get celebrated over the weekend as one big joint birthday.
That celebration was last weekend, so I and my fiance got the kids a Nintendo each (Holly got an old one and Drew a Lite one as he has also received a ps5 and normally games on the PS anyway when Holly has a lot of switch exclusives (her previous switch was broken by Drew)).
Both kids were happy with the presents until Anna found out about what I got my cousin and threw a fit. She said both me and my fiance should have gotten Drew a gaming laptop too and now he will feel left out and jealous and that I am putting kids against each other on purpose.
(Drew and Dan don’t even know about each other and have never seen each other). Both I and my fiance have explained that we don’t see why a 5-year-old will need a gaming laptop and reminded her that Drew is still young and it is not the best decision to let him handle fragile things, but Anna wasn’t having any of it and asked us to leave.
Later she texted me saying I am being a jerk for ‘pushing my views on my fiance and causing a rift between him and his nephew and niece’. My fiance is on my side here, however, some of his family members believe we should have gotten Drew a better present.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The entitlement is astonishing. You were already very generous with your gifts. A 5-year-old does not need a gaming laptop and even if he did, you’re not the one responsible to provide such an expensive and fragile device to someone who’ll likely break it (like the sister’s Switch).
On top of that your SIL’s favoritism towards her son is showing, please look after your niece as she’ll need the support in the future.” Helpless_Platypus
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely, NTJ. Dan is OP’s cousin, and OP and their family decided to go in together on one big gift for the cousin going through a huge milestone.
Anna’s behavior is unseemly, and she deserves the blame for the situation if anything. Her children got expensive gifts on their FIFTH birthday. I’m sure if the kids grew up, the gifts would have gotten more age-appropriate in terms of money as well.
You are not the jerk in this situation.” diyasvngh
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, really all were amazing gifts. Since your sil isn’t being at all appreciative, I would let her know that since she has a big issue with your gift – there won’t be any more coming.
That will resolve the issue and in the future, you will either give experiences or put away money in an account for them. That way if you go with experiences you get to take out the child in question on a special day’s outing.
Or by putting money aside when they finish high school, that gift amount will solve a lot of issues for them in their futures.” Longjumping_Win4291
17. AITJ For Defending My Dad From My Mom And Grandparents?
“My parents are divorced. Together they have my brother (20m), my sister (19f), and me (17m).
Their marriage ended because my mom had two affairs. The first one came out when the second one did because both were happening at the same time and my mom got pregnant with a baby who is now 10f. Dad ended the marriage and Mom tried to make him responsible for her baby with another guy.
Dad and she were married so he was the assumed dad and he had to go to court, and there was a two-year battle over this because he wanted nothing to do with the baby and Mom didn’t want her to grow up watching my older siblings and I have a dad, while both her affair partners went AWOL and were refusing to play any role in her life, and said no to doing DNA tests.
Dad won in court and was removed from my half-sister’s birth certificate. He has never met her and has made sure there’s no contact there between them.
Five years ago Mom got very sick and was in the hospital for 3 months.
My half-sister spent that time in foster care because our grandparents were told they were too sick (multiple chronic health issues between them) to take care of her when they had no idea how long mom would be out of commission.
They asked Dad to step up but he said no. They tried to plead with my siblings and me to talk him around but none of us wanted him to take her either.
When mom got out and got my half-sister back, she and my grandparents held a deep grudge against my dad.
We already didn’t think much of Mom but after that, we asked Dad to try and get full custody of us, but when we were interviewed we mentioned the affair, and it was asked whether Dad tried to turn us against Mom, and we decided to keep 50/50 to not get him into trouble.
I’m months away from getting away from Mom. My siblings already are.
Mom had people over recently and my grandparents were there. They were talking badly about Dad, saying he was evil and that he ‘left his own daughter to rot in foster care’ and I told them she isn’t his daughter and DNA proved that.
They backtracked and said he left his kids’ sister to rot. I said she was nothing to do with him. Then I called them out for being jerks to him when mom had an affair with two guys and fought to make him responsible for her child.
I said they all blamed Dad instead of wondering why they had nobody willing to take my half-sister when needed and none of them could. Others heard the whole thing. My mom and grandparents said I was a jerk.
Am I?”
Another User Comments:
“Your mom messed badly. She slept with a lot of men, to the point she did not know who the baby’s father was, then tried to have the man she lied to be responsible for the kid.
She is not a very good person.
You have every right to feel the way you feel about her, and good on you for standing up for your dad and telling the truth.
As bad as your mom was/is, try not to take it out on your sister.
She did not do any of those things. Your dad, of course, has every right to not want to deal with a child that is not his. He had no obligation to take her in. And considering the court battle he had to fight, taking her in could have put him on the hook for child support, so it best to not even tempt that.
As for you and your siblings, just try to remember that this girl is not the one who hurt you and broke your family up. She is still your sister, and just a kid, so be kind to her.
Your mom can jump in a ditch.
NTJ for telling the truth” evilcj925
Another User Comments:
“OP, it sounds like the adults in your life (specifically your parents) are eager to delegate responsibility and care of your half-sister to anyone and squabble over their own resentments of each other.
In some places, this is a situation when state/welfare workers step up to manage the care of a child, and it sounds as though you’re listening to the gory details of what those proceedings can sound like. I’m sorry you have to hear that as a young adult.
It sounds like you really love your dad. Good luck to your kid sister.
No jerks here” shruggedbeware
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ for what you said. Truth is the truth BUT your dad obviously planted a seed of dislike for your little sister in you and your siblings.
And we know this because you even said you went 50/50 when interviewed during the custody battle so your dad wouldn’t get in trouble. This leads me to believe your dad was already setting you up to have a terrible relationship with your little sister.
Speaking as someone who lost my half-brother (he was my older brother from my mom’s first marriage) 4 years ago (he died of a brain aneurysm), don’t miss out on getting to know your little sister just because your parents are battling it out.
That’s their battle, not yours.” sarahthevampyrslayer
16. AITJ For Going To A Restaurant With My Sister?
“So I booked a restaurant for my SO’s birthday three months in advance; it was a restaurant she really wanted to try, but they are always booked, I told her in advance I wanted to spend the night with her but didn’t specify the restaurant because I thought it would be a good surprise.
A week before her birthday, she tells me she just wants to go out with her friends and not sit in a restaurant but she wanted to spend the day with me.
I took her to go carting on her birthday and a picnic because she had been telling me that she wanted to go on an aesthetic picnic, so I made sure to prepare everything with the ambiance she likes.
I didn’t get her a gift because we are both financially secure and if she wants something, she will not hesitate to buy it.
She hangs out with her friends, while I hang out with my sister, which she is well aware of.
My sister and I have a good time, and when I get home, I go on my phone, and when she arrives, she is upset because I went to the restaurant (she apparently saw it on my sister’s Snapchat). She said she wished we could have done this together and that she wished I hadn’t gone because she had been wanting to go and that I should have given her the reservation as a gift since I didn’t get her a real gift and her friends could have done this together.
I was able to change the reservation from two to three seats, but I doubt she could have changed it to eight seats.
Anyway, she slept in the living room and has been guilt-tripping me. At this point, I’m irritated and don’t feel like apologizing.
I’m not sure if I did anything wrong. I sort of think she is overreacting, in my opinion, but I don’t know. Maybe an outside perspective can make me understand why she is so upset.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She’s upset because you got to experience something without her when she was out AND that she didn’t get to have the chance to experience it without you by having you give her the reservation.
You did everything she asked for her birthday (daytime hang, picnic), plus you sound like a great brother for taking your sis to dinner instead of staying home alone while your SO went out.
Your SO has main character syndrome.” Major_Barnacle_2212
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Please re-read what your SO said. You gave her exactly what she said she wanted (a day with you, a night with her friends.) You planned fun activities, including going all out for an aesthetic picnic (that’s bonus points in my book).
Instead of being grateful for what you did, she’s mad because you did something cool without her. Also, for the record, giving an experience such as an aesthetic picnic IS a gift. I would argue it has far more value than a physical thing, as time is the only resource that can never be given back.
She’s telling you who she is, OP. Please re-read what you wrote and listen to her.” ElectronicWanderlust
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You had made plans, she overruled them, you changed to what she wanted, she didn’t want to spend the evening with you and so you went out with your system and now she is mad.
She didn’t deserve any of that, but especially the reservation. Either she goes with you or she makes her own reservation. You need to look closely at her behavior. I can’t imagine not being with my SO on my birthday evening and we have been together for decades.
We might have friends there too, but not without SO. She expects you to have no fun unless she is present and if she chooses not to be there, you are supposed to do nothing. That’s not the way a partner acts.
They are happy for you having new experiences. They ask questions and make plans to go back together.” holisarcasm
15. AITJ For Not Sharing My Study Materials With My Coworkers?
“I work as an engineer in a highly-respected company. Our division has recently hired some less-than-impressive employees, some 10-25 years ahead of myself in the field. We are expected to spend about a year studying for a certification exam that is known to be grueling; I spent many nights and weekends creating study materials for myself and recently passed the test.
These seasoned engineers are in a new specialty and don’t seem eager to return to studying. My supervisor asked me to share my personal materials and lead study sessions with everyone (during work hours). While I respect and get along with the new employees on a personal level, I think they should have to put in the work like I did.
I jokingly said something along the lines of ‘Do I have to do everything around here?’ and am pretty sure I screwed up.
I’ve been trying to be more assertive since I have a history of letting people take advantage of me and my work… but perhaps this was not the right move.
AITJ?
ETA: All study materials were made on my own time with the source material I paid for myself. The expectation is that you are hired having already passed the cert exam, but if not, you have one year after hire to pass it.
UPDATE: I spoke with my boss and did agree to do a session with new material that I will be summarizing/creating on company time. To be clear, I love my job and the people I work with – I just don’t want to be put in the same position I was in at my last job.
It’s why I left. I became the perma-trainer and others were promoted over me because I was ‘too good to lose’. If it matters, I’m late 20s F and those in question are late 30s-50s M/F mix.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Maybe your joke didn’t go over well but you make an excellent point – ‘Hey Boss, thought about it a bit more, and I can definitely appreciate the team benefit and business need for us to have a fully staffed and certified team.
However, given what time, energy, and finance I put into my study resources on my own time, I don’t believe this would be either realistic for me to share my new reference material or to spend time on top of my regular duties now that I’m certified to teach people to bring them to this level.’
Could end it there or ask for a reduction in workload, title to include Trainer, and compensation for the materials you purchased if they’re to be used on the job. If the training is the kind I’m thinking of, certified teachers probably have an excellent role, and he’s asking for you, on top of your regular role, to be one for free.
Maybe look into getting your study guide published online with permission from the certification body. Sounds like materials are thin on the ground.” Crackinggood
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you did mess up with the joke, because that most likely sounded like you were complaining about how much work, instead of the kind of work, which is what you’re objecting to.
A better response would have been: ‘This sounds like a project that’s out of scope for my current job description. I’m not sure I’m comfortable using my personal study materials for this task. I think I would not be the best person for this task.
As the certification is necessary to be employed here, there should be a more ‘official’ tutor program developed to help out new employees, but I am not interested in taking on that project’.
And honestly? If your company is as ‘respected’ as you claim, I’m shocked your company doesn’t already have this in place.
My company, although likely in a different industry, has a similar requirement to yours with regard to certification. But we have a whole class dedicated to getting people certified, and it’s done on a company, not departmental level. Unless your title is ‘training coordinator’, it seems inappropriate to ask you to develop a tutoring group, especially using your own personal study materials.” your_moms_a_clone
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
And absolutely not! This is what you call ‘unseen labor’ which women are predominantly affected by in professional settings.
If everyone was hired with the same requirements to acquire their certs and it was done on your own time, then you by no means owe anyone anything.
I would tell my boss, ‘I’m flattered that you think I’m qualified to lead a training, but that is not something I feel comfortable doing. I really appreciate you giving me this opportunity, but at this time I’d really like to focus on applying the content I’ve recently learned to my professional work.’ It’s called a nice sandwich, you say something positive at the start, put the negative/No in the middle, and then bring up the close with something positive.
It can be easier for people to receive a ‘no’ in this way.
Honestly, I hope you set a clear boundary and hold to it – especially since you had something similar happen in a past role and noted you don’t want that to happen again.
It’s critical to your career that you set and holds these boundaries as soon as you can so you don’t have to walk back any bad habits you’ve created for people.
As a fellow woman in tech, I’m rooting for you, because this extra work adds up and you deserve to be able to just come in and do your work like everyone else, you’re not their mother.
Your coworkers can sort themselves out or lose the job if they can’t meet the requirements, you don’t owe them anything else.” LocoStarfish
14. AITJ For Possibly Ruining My Sister's Birthday Party?
“I (14F) have many things wrong with me. The main focus of this story however is my allergy to tree nuts and my autism.
My sister (F11) recently had her birthday party. She made the decision to have a cake that contains tree nuts. She is very aware of my allergy.
Being 3 years older than everyone at the party meant I was just kind of standing around, with the occasional interaction or activity.
I was standing on the porch watching everyone out in the yard when suddenly I see my sister and her friends sneak around the side of the house. Curious as to what was going on, I went inside to peer through the window so I could see them.
Going inside was my biggest mistake.
I make my way toward the window which happened to be inside the kitchen. I lean up against the counter to look out the window when I hear something from behind me,
‘Hey OP!’
I turned around and was quickly met with the cake being flung in my face and all the girls exploding into laughter. I wiped the cake off my face and frantically start trying to wash it off my face and clothes in the sink.
The sensory discomfort paired with the risk of the tree nuts inside the cake caused me to go into a meltdown.
I finally got the icing off my face and I started crying. The adults, who had realized the absence of children, came inside searching for us and saw the situation.
My mom picks me up by my sleeve off the floor I crouched down onto and yanked me into the bathroom and locked the door. She began to do that whisper-scream thing parents do when they’re angry at you and she told me I was a major jerk for ruining my sister’s cake and stealing her attention.
Still being in a state of meltdown, I couldn’t speak. All I could do was cry. I will not speak of what happened next assume as you, please. (nothing physical, just don’t wanna repeat those things)
I made my way back outside to the party still upset about my now-dirty clothing and I was met with my sister and her friends berating me for ruining her party and making it all about me.
Still being vulnerable from the recent meltdown I was visibly about to cry. I don’t remember what happened next but I can only assume it was bad.
It’s been two weeks since the party and all sorts of people are telling me I’m a jerk.
They say I’m dramatic and I was fine since I didn’t have a reaction to the cake. I’m not even meant to be typing this because I’m grounded for ‘making my sister suffer.’ I feel like a jerk even though I can’t see what I did wrong.
I feel awful for taking away the spotlight from my sister at her own party. I don’t quite know what I could have done wrong but I think I might’ve.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, that is emotional mistreatment.
There is no way of sugarcoating it. You need to tell an adult you trust, like an extended family member or school counselor. Trust me, when I say that is not normal behavior, they are not supposed to treat you that way at all, both your mom and sister.
No matter what they say, no matter how they say it. It’s. Not. Okay. Please, please, please talk to a trusted adult about what happened. Ignoring a child in distress regarding anaphylactic shock is child neglect. I can’t stress this enough: you did nothing wrong, your mother is being irresponsible and abusive, and your sister is undisciplined. Please seek help.” bowie-bunny
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister and her friends bullied you knowing about your allergy and autism and then blamed you for the predictable result and played the victim. You didn’t take a spotlight away. They are the ones who intentionally caused harm.
Did your parents know what they did and your perspective on this? Or have they only heard your sister’s side? I know it was probably difficult, if not impossible, to explain mid-meltdown and they could have had a very different picture painted for them.
Not that that’s a reasonable excuse. Your entire home environment sounds toxic at best and abusive at worse (the latter if this is a common trend). You definitely shouldn’t be grounded for this and I don’t know why your parents would even allow a cake you were allergic to given how severe nut allergies can be.” kitscarlett
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but it sounds like your mom does not know what actually happened and maybe thinks you ruined the cake.
When you have a meltdown, people have to try to piece together the situation to figure out what happened. It’s not necessarily obvious that you were attacked as opposed to getting into the cake on your own.
When adults have to deal with these types of situations, they often become frustrated and impatient. It’s not fair, but they are also people with their own limitations.
Have you shown what you wrote here to your mom and asked her to please point out and explain where you did something wrong?” AllCrankNoSpark
13. WIBTJ If I Bring My Own Food To A Dinner Party?
“So I’ve been invited to a vegan household for a dinner party. Of the total people going, 6 of 9 aren’t vegans.
Anytime a meal is hosted elsewhere we have two meals, one vegan and one not, so everyone can enjoy what they like. Not here though, this is a strictly vegan household. No cooking meat products on the BBQ. No cheese, no eggs, no fish.
I get not wanting to cook meat on their bbq, I have an entire section of my grill sectioned off for vegan/gluten-free cooking.
I found out what they are making for everyone. I’m allergic to mushrooms, and they know it, and their main course is a portobello steak, it feels on purpose.
I would feel disrespected as a host if a guest brought their own food to my dinner party, but then again I try really hard to make sure everyone has options for them at mine.
So WIBTJ If I brought a George foreman and some burgers to cook up outside?”
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ if you bring meat or dairy into a vegan’s home. This would be a huge jerk move.
However, as the main course provided is a known allergen and you do not feel that you can decline to attend, you should feel free to bring your own vegan alternative to the mushrooms – vegan burgers or eggplant are good grilling options.
If you do this, it would be polite to inform the host in advance. But if you really believe they are doing this intentionally and have not just thoughtlessly forgotten, I wouldn’t bother.
An allergy to mushrooms can be quite serious.
If I were you I would not attend or make an appearance but not stay for the meal.” FlatSound4435
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ
You’ve made numerous accommodations for them and they repay your kindness by making something they know you can’t eat.
You’ve sectioned off your appliances for them and they won’t make adjustments for others. It’s clear who respects who more in this situation.
Wanting to bring something you can eat isn’t unreasonable. Maybe precook and use an insulated container if they really don’t want you bringing your own appliance.
But nothing wrong with wanting to eat food you enjoy and can actually eat.
I followed a vegan diet for quite a while. Most vegans would be reasonable about this.” suzythewhorrorfan27
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ if you show up with your grill and meat without talking to them first. They may know about your allergy but that doesn’t mean it is at the front of their mind when they are planning their menu.
It’s no one else’s responsibility to remember things like that about your diet. Talk to them, LIKE AN ADULT, and remind them of your allergy. It’s likely they forgot and will work out something different for you, or you guys can come to some other agreement.” hydrogenandhelium_
12. AITJ For Not Allowing My Sister's Partner To Move In With Her?
“My (41M) sister (52F) is the eldest of our mom’s 9 children. She has always been the most important person in my life, and I owe her so much. She’s had a very tough life but despite this never fails to be the nicest and most giving person.
In 2016 myself and 2 of my brothers bought her a small house. It was a bit of a fixer-upper, and we spent a year on/off renovating it into a dream house for her.
She lives there now with her youngest 2 children (13M/15F) and our autistic brother (43M).
She has been with her SO for around 10 months. None of our family like this man and he is a massive loser. He is an old friend of one of our brothers who died almost a decade ago. This man is also an addict, spent time in prison, and is a deadbeat dad to his daughters.
We all want her to end things with him, but she seems very in love. We don’t just blindly hate the man but are actually concerned with her having him in her life. She is 10+ years sober and his influence could cause her to relapse, she has a history of being with/marrying abusive men, and most importantly I don’t want him around my niece/nephew and her grandkids.
On Saturday, my sister told me that he was going to move in with her because he is getting kicked out of his apartment (they won’t let him renew his lease). I instinctively told her that it was a bad idea and that I see things ending badly.
She blew me off and changed the subject, so I let it go for the moment. I texted her youngest son later and asked him what he thought and if he was okay with it. He essentially said no and that he did not like the guy.
I also contacted my other brothers that I co-bought the house with, and they were also unhappy she was inviting him to move in. They agreed that I could tell her as the owner of the house that he cannot move in with her.
I told her this yesterday and she was unhappy and told me I was overstepping and interfering with her life. I gave her my reasons and told her we just wanted to protect her and her kids. She asked me how I would stop her from moving him in and I threatened that I would call CPS and tell them she was allowing an addict to live with her children.
For good measure, my cousin and I went to where her partner drinks and told him he wasn’t going to be moving in.
My younger sister called me last night to berate me for banning this man from moving in and told me I was using the excuse of protecting our sister to actually control her life.
She thinks me and my brothers are jerks for using something nice we did for her as a tool now to interfere with her life. My younger sister has only met the guy once, whereas my brothers and I have known him for years and know what he is like.
She is really only going through information our sister told her. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You know, I don’t care if you’re overstepping. Bringing any guy to move in with her 2 minor children after she’s only been with him for 10 months is a mistake.
That he is a known addict makes him dangerous to the kids. That he’s kicked out of his apartment means that she’ll be supporting him. When the relationship goes south, it’ll be on you to get him out because it’s your house.
Maybe you’re a jerk for pulling the ‘my house, my rules’ card on your sister. I understand why she feels that way, but she can wait until her kids are gone to ruin her life.” pineboxwaiting
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You and your brothers own the house, therefore you have the right to not allow the guy to live there without your consent. He sounds like a walking liability, so I totally understand your desire to keep him out of there.
I also think your desire to protect the kids is admirable. While I understand your sister’s sentiment that she feels like you’re controlling her life (which you sort of are), in this case, I’ll give you a pass.
You aren’t restricting her from seeing him, you’re just not permitting him to live in a house that you own. If she wants to live with the guy so badly, she can find and pay for her own place to live that isn’t owned by you.” Artillery_Cat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister can do whatever she wants with her life but there are kids involved that live there and don’t want this guy to move in. You have every reason to be concerned, although unfortunately, I feel like this type of move usually makes the person get even closer to the guy you wish she would get rid of, so it might end up backfiring.
It’s a tough situation for sure, but I can hardly blame you for trying to stop the trainwreck.” Annii84
11. AITJ For Not Letting My Sister-In-Law Borrow My Wedding Dress?
“My (28F) younger brother (24M) and his fiancée (23F) are supposed to get married in the spring after being engaged for about a year. My younger brother has always been the golden child between the both of us to my mom (not my dad).
He and his fiancée currently live with her, rent-free might I add.
My dad and I on the other hand have mixed feelings about this wedding. We both feel like my brother is rushing into things and not being financially smart.
He just finished his bachelor program a year ago, is still trying to get on his feet and find a good full-time job in his field, and decides to spend thousands of dollars on a wedding.
We sat him down and explained this to him and asked him what the rush was.
Why not push it off for a few years and save up so you guys can really have the wedding of your dreams?
He explained to us that his fiancée wants the wedding as soon as possible and doesn’t want to wait.
Well his fiancée’s family is pitching in a couple thousand for the wedding, and my dad reluctantly is pitching in a couple thousand as well (all important later).
Well, a few nights ago I’m eating dinner with my husband when I get a call from my future SIL.
Convo starts our normal ‘Hey how are you?’ ‘Crappy weather we’re having’ etc etc, until she tells me she has a serious question to ask me.
She asks me if she can use my wedding dress, which I wore to my wedding JUST OVER A YEAR AGO.
She explains that she can’t afford one herself, that she absolutely LOVES mine, and that it would be her ‘something borrowed’.
I immediately shut her down and said I’m sorry but no, this is a THOUSANDS of dollars dress we’re talking about, that she’d have to get altered to fit her btw too, so no way.
We’re also not even close at all and barely talk so like, WHAT?
She starts begging and even starts CRYING and going on about how she can’t afford one. I told her I’m sorry but no. She then starts going on about how I’m not even financially helping her and my brother pay for the wedding, so the least I can do is let her use my dress.
I told her the honest truth, that I think they’re rushing into having a wedding and not being financially smart. She said she didn’t care, she has a timeline and wants to be married by 25.
I basically said to her that she made her bed so now she has to lie in it and figure it out herself, and if she can’t afford her WEDDING DRESS then she should be having a wedding.
Simple as that.
She ran back to my mom and my brother to tell them what I said. They think I’m a jerk because I have the money to financially help my brother and his fiancée, but I’m being ‘selfish’ and ‘unsupportive’.
They also think ‘It’s just a dress so what’s the big deal’.
My dad is on my side and defending me and is now thinking of taking back his financial help due to the sheer audacity of my brother’s fiancée asking me such a thing.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Goodwill/ thrift shops have lots of wedding dresses to choose from. She can also look at online retailers. I got my beautiful wedding dress for $200 from David’s Bridal and sewed it in a corset back so I didn’t need other alterations.
Worked great. If you’re too poor to afford what you really want, you need to be resourceful and not expect everyone to cater to you. The only thing I’d add OP is not to give her any reasons for your responses in the future.
The response of: ‘No, I don’t want to lend it out’ is fine. Once you start telling them you don’t want to lend it because you don’t think the marriage is a good idea/ they’re too young/she’s not right for him is when you’re getting into ‘everyone sucks here’ territory.” pickle443243
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely not the jerk.
Common sense dictates that you should not do anything that involves a significant amount of money if you are broke unless there are compelling reasons (like an illness or a condition) or the future returns/utility are incremental in comparison to the trade-off in the present (something like a college education or a home purchase).
Your brother and his fiancée are just not seeing the sheer ridiculousness of getting into a marriage without being financially stable. The fact that they are having a wedding by borrowing money is proof that there is a lot of maturity that needs to happen.
If you love your brother, have an open conversation on how this wedding ceremony makes zero financial sense and how precarious his condition could be if they divorce in the future. (your bro most like will need to pay alimony).” IndianRedditor88
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You and your dad are right. They shouldn’t rush. The fact that she is basing her getting married on some predetermined timeline is a huge red flag! It’s not for the right reasons and why waste money on something that might not last, considering the motive to rush it, isn’t love?
They are adults and zero reasons if they are working she can buy a dress. Selfish and entitled and it’s wrong. Don’t be guilty… let her cry. And it’s not just a dress, it’s your dress, from your big day.
And to top it off, they would have to alter it? No flipping way! If her timeline is that important vs. actually being ready financially, then they should just go to the justice of the peace and save everyone the trouble.” jlo2118
10. AITJ For Asking Someone To Change Their Wedding Date?
“I have a group chat with girls from college, one of them (Jazmin) is getting married. She said she is getting married because she and her fiancé were pregnant, she always comes to me when he has an affair or when he is ‘bad’ (he has a substance addiction) so I wasn’t thrilled. When she told me about his addiction I said that she could be there for him but it was her decision to continue to be with him.
Then she told me that he had an affair many times, I said that I wouldn’t be in a relationship like that but again it was her decision. She said that she wanted to break up but she found out she was pregnant and the guy asked her to marry him so she said yes even tho she had thought of breaking up.
The next week she called me crying because she sadly had a miscarriage, I was sad and I tried to be supportive and helped her out with doctors appts and be there for her. She said she didn’t know if she wanted to continue with the wedding and I advised her to postpone it until she felt better and to think if she wanted to marry him or if was she doing it for the baby.
She got angry and stopped talking to me until she called me for advice again.
Then she sent a msg to the group saying that the wedding was still on. She considered us for the date bc we all live 3 hrs away from her.
She said if June was okay, and we said yes, but she said actually any weekend from June or July, I said I couldn’t do it on the 2nd weekend because it is my bday and my partner got flight tickets for a trip and I was really looking forward to it, but any other weekend on those 2 months was okay.
(context: one time I missed Jazmin’s bday and she got upset and told me bdays are very special to her and I said that for me too. After that, I have never missed her bday whereas she has never been to one of mine.
There hasn’t been an opportunity to spend my bday with my loved ones so I thought this year it could be different).
She sent a draft of the wedding invite with the date of my bday! I asked her if the date was set and she said yes.
I told her that it is my bday and that she knew my plans. Another girl from the group got angry and said that a bday is not as big a priority as it is a wedding and that I could celebrate another day, I explained that my partner bought the tickets in Dec and fixed his work schedule around to be free that date.
Jazmin replied that if I couldn’t come it was ok. I said that I want to be there for her but I most likely couldn’t change my trip. She said she couldn’t move the date because any other weekend there would be events in town (like a concert she said) and she wants her day to be special just for her.
I asked to consider it and she sent me an angry emoji and kept sending wedding plans to the group. I feel bad because other brides wouldn’t have even asked and also for advising her to break up and for my partner (who isn’t invited to the wedding) for planning something special for my bday.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – This friendship sounds a bit like a one-way street. You say she’s never come to your birthday parties, whereas you always show up to hers. You’ve been very supportive through her miscarriage and rightfully raised concerns about her lying and substance-addicting partner.
Is this person really that important to you, OP? By what you’ve described here it seems she’s taking complete advantage of your good nature. If I were you I would prioritize the birthday trip with your partner, and also seriously consider backing away from this ‘friendship’ altogether – you deserve to be treated with the same respect you’ve shown for them.” SwedishHalfling
Another User Comments:
“Girl, what are you doing?
Drop the rope. This woman is not your friend. She’s using you for drama and emotional support. She doesn’t go to your birthdays but you have to be at hers? She plans her wedding, which she isn’t even sure she wants, on your birthday then gives you a guilt trip for daring to have plans?
I repeat this woman is not your friend.
Go, celebrate your birthday with your partner. Don’t worry about this woman. And when she calls to complain about her husband, marriage, children, dog, neighbors, or whatever, don’t pick up the phone.
NTJ” TheJinxiestJinx
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and she doesn’t sound like a great friend to you either. Maybe you should be the one to postpone hanging out with her while you think about how this friendship is benefiting you.
I think you’ve grown out of this friendship but have gotten so used to being her emotional support that you forgot you are not required to put up with her behavior. She asked what dates you are free, and you told her, she chose a date that did not work for you.
DO NOT let her guilt you into thinking this was your fault or that going on your planned birthday trip is a slight toward her. She planned this wedding on your birthday, she can deal with you not being there.
This is all just a manipulation tactic used by toxic people. In her head you choosing your birthday over her wedding is failing some weird loyalty test that is entirely her own doing. I hope you can take some time away from her and realize she’s demanding a ton from your friendship without putting in anything herself.” Sweetsmyle
9. AITJ For Lying To My Mom About My Check?
“I am 16 working a 16h/week job and my mother really doesn’t like when I buy things for myself. She checks all my packages and is about to start tracking my account. Before she started checking my accounts, I would put 80 percent of my check into savings and 20 percent into spending.
She asked me how much my check was and out of impulse I said 430 dollars (my actual check is 530) and she demands that I put 400 into savings and 30 dollars into spending (7 percent!) and I have to ask for approval to buy things and threatens to lock my account if I don’t comply because ‘I think I am my own boss’.
I split my check into an account that my sister made for me and allocate 100 dollars to it while putting the rest into whatever my mom wanted me to. She doesn’t know about the account my sister made for me.
I feel bad for lying but all I’m asking for is to split my checks 20/80.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your Mom needs to back off and let you manage your own money. It seems you’re doing a good job so far.
Perhaps there are other adults in your life who can talk to her for you and explain to her that if you’re going to manage your own life and finances as an adult now would be a good time to learn how to do that.” KylieJadaHunter
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You’re at a great age to learn money management and I think you’re being smart with your money.
Your mom seems to have some sort of financial hangup or control problem. If you want to, maybe ask her why she feels the need to be so strict with controlling how the you earn is allocated. When I first started working my mom expected me to give her my entire check for household expenses which caused a huge fight.
Later found out that’s what happened when she first started working so she thought that’s how it was.
I don’t know if your sister lives with you, but if possible have your packages sent to another address to keep Mom out of them.
If she’s opening them she’s going to realize quickly that you’re spending more than $30, and I can easily see her feeling like it’s fine to open packages if she feels so free to go into/control your bank account.
Some people feel like it’s fine to manage every aspect of their kid’s lives but imo your age is the perfect age to make mistakes with a safety net.
Buying a $50 lipstick and realizing it’s not worth the is way better when you’re still living at home with few bills as opposed to out on your own with all of the bills. Good luck.” joinedtosaythisnow
Another User Comments:
“Your mum probably shouldn’t be so strict on you with the money that YOU work hard for.
Her heart is probably in the right place and wants to make sure that you’ve got a decent amount of savings built up for whatever reason she’s trying to get you to save for, but there are better ways to go about this based on what you’ve said.
I wouldn’t feel bad for telling a white lie about this sort of thing, if it keeps the peace and doesn’t harm her, then keep the lie going, just be careful with how often you’re spending your if your mum is going to be a helicopter parent with all of this.
NTJ” shiimmy1
8. AITJ For Asking Someone And His Partner To Leave The Watch Party?
“My college made the NCAA Tournament, and that is not a common thing where I went to school. I have a basement bar and so I invited my friends that went to the same school over for a watch party.
There were about a dozen of us core group members plus some spouses and kids. We all went to the same school and half of us are season ticket holders for the basketball team. We are pretty passionate fans. If we made the Sweet 16, we’d consider going out for that.
In the lead up I got a text from one friend saying he would be bringing his new SO who I had never met before. Which I was fine with. When I host watch parties they are social events but we all intently watch and cheer on our school.
Everyone shows up early, we are all eating, drinking, and watching all the other games. My buddy shows up with his SO, but they are both wearing our opponents’ clothes. It was a weird moment for many of my friends and I.
1, our buddy went to school with us, 2, he should know better than to bring people rooting for our opponent around at an event like this.
I go confront him and say what is this regarding his shirt. He introduces me to his SO and tells me she went to the school we were playing at that day.
I tell him its dumb he isn’t wearing clothes for the school he went to and told them I appreciate them showing but they should watch the game somewhere else. He seems stunned and goes I thought it’d be fine.
I said if it was a regular season game maybe, but not a Tourney game. He starts arguing, but I just repeat it’d be better if they left. He starts calling me a jerk and continues arguing. I just lead them out of the house.
He sent me a few angry texts, but I didn’t want people supporting our opponent at this party. I’m aware I may have made a bad impression on his SO, but was I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, that friend knew that you and your other friends obviously take it very seriously.
He went to the same school and yet wore the opposing team’s apparel. That friend should have known better than to take her to this watch party or at least run it by you in advance that he was going to be wearing that in solidarity with her.
He obviously doesn’t take it as seriously as most of you and instead of ruining it for all of you, he should have bowed out of this one and brought her around at some other time. 100% his fault.” jazzlike-party3467
Another User Comments:
“Stephen Dubner had a perfect take on sports. Essentially what makes them so great is that you get to experience the feeling that your team and by association you will live or die on the court that day. But the beauty is that there are no real consequences.
We get to indulge in those emotions without risk to our own lives, relationships, careers…
Yet you messed up and brought in real-life consequences. Whether your team won or lost, tomorrow arrives, and it won’t matter. Only you probably lost a friend in the process, so now you lost either way.
YTJ” CobraPuts
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I say this reluctantly l**o but I think it’s weird to come to a party clearly to celebrate one thing with the intention of celebrating the opposite thing. Y’all weren’t celebrating March Madness or basketball, you were celebrating your school’s basketball team specifically, otherwise, your guest list would have been different.
Like, I’m not thrilled with sports fan culture but I’m not going to a DC party dressed in Marvel gear and that’s significantly more inconsequential, and they have actual crossovers. But it’s only very mild jerkery, in my opinion.” meadowphoenix
7. AITJ For Arguing With Restaurant Staff?
“My friend and I went out to lunch today. She recently did me a favor so I was taking her out as a thank you.
When we were ordering she changed her mind at the last second to a different dish.
(e.g., ‘Hang on, actually, instead of the steak I’ll have the chicken.’)
They brought her the chicken, and everything was fine.
When I got the bill I saw I had been charged for both the chicken and the steak.
I called the waitress over to explain the issue.
The waitress said the kitchen had already made the steak and they had just never brought it out because they didn’t know which table it was going to, but they could box it up.
I clarified as to whether or not this would come with a refund for the item and she said it would not.
I said since we hadn’t ordered it I’d rather just be refunded. She said she’d have to check with her manager.
I told her to go ahead.
My friend at that point said she comes to this restaurant often and didn’t want to cause a problem so asked that I just take the steak.
I told her, politely, since I was paying I felt like it was really my call and that I didn’t have the money to get a third unexpected restaurant meal.
She said she was really uncomfortable with escalating it and it felt unnecessary. I told her I could take it from here if she wanted to leave but I was going to see the issue through.
She left but sent me a message later today indicating, in so many words, she thought I was a jerk for not prioritizing her concerns and was hurt by the incident.
I’m conflicted so I haven’t responded yet. AITJ for ignoring her request and going ahead?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Seems like the server made a mistake, and ordered both the chicken and the steak. She/he probably didn’t realize it until the food was ready.
There isn’t such a thing as a dish not having a table number, there was no steak that ‘no one knows where it goes’ in the back unless she threw away the kitchen ticket that would have had the table and dish information.
She made a mistake and didn’t want to tell her: his manager for fear of getting into trouble.
It’s bizarre that she didn’t offer (until you inquired about the bill) to have it wrapped up since the kitchen made its any way, I’d assume she was hoping you pay for it, then she could keep it for herself.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This was an error by the waitress since the order was changed well before the kitchen would have fired up a steak.
And what kind of games were they playing by charging you for something they didn’t even bring?
If they had brought the additional entree to the table you STILL would not have been responsible for paying for a mistake that was solely the fault of the restaurant.
Your friend really needs to develop NORMAL social behavior because it is not aggressive or rude to refuse to pay for a meal one hasn’t ordered – and the restaurant knew this and didn’t even bother to bring it to you.
Did they think you were so stupid that you wouldn’t notice a charge for steak?
For what it’s worth, your friend says she is a frequent customer. Any good restaurant that recognizes a frequent customer would have been embarrassed at this and would have offered a dessert or some other comp to make up for it.
Because frankly, I would not want to return to a restaurant that essentially tried to scam and shame me into paying for something that was their responsibility.” Jujulabee
Another User Comments:
“Yeah definitely NTJ. From what I read it was the waitress’s mistake.
Your friend said just take the steak as though it was just an extra meal you were getting for free. If she didn’t want to be seen as a problem customer then she should’ve either taken it and offered to pay you or just left and let you handle it.
Then sending you that text later on? That’s just unnecessary. She seems more concerned about her public image than her friends’ feelings. Either way, you’re not a problem customer for the way you handled it and I’m sorry if your friend made you feel as though you were.
Hope you guys work it out!” Shpaghettitacos
6. AITJ For Not Inviting Extra Guests?
“I am getting married this summer. My fiance and I are in a fortunate position that the wedding is being paid for by her parents, my parents, and ourselves.
It’s important to us that we only have people there that we are close with + their partners and cap it at 90 during the daytime (ourselves included) but we sat our parents down as we were assembling the guest list to ask them if there was anyone that they would like to be at the ceremony.
My dad asked for his brother and his brother’s two sons, his niece, and his best friend, and his wife. My mum asked for one of her sisters and her husband, and her dad and wife. I dislike my granddad for a variety of personal reasons but I agreed as I knew it meant a lot to her.
My fiance’s parents asked for similar things. We then built our guestlist around the remaining space we had left after our parents requested guests.
We informed caterers, venue, etc of our guest numbers. Since then we’ve had a few people ask to attend the ceremony that we didn’t really consider but have added them to the nighttime party as there is still room for guests on that list.
However, about a week ago, my dad pulled me aside and insisted that we must invite my mum’s aunt and uncle to the ceremony. I haven’t seen these people in over a decade in any meaningful way and said unfortunately that there wasn’t space during the day but they can come to the nighttime party.
My dad stressed it would mean a lot to my mum so I said that if someone pulls out of the ceremony, they can have their spots.
Fast forward to today, and they brought it up again. I explained that they were asked ages ago who they wanted there so we could build our guest list around that and they never once brought up my mum’s aunt and uncle.
I stood my ground and apologized but was adamant that the best we were willing to do was invite them to the evening and bump them up a day invitation if some people pulled out. My dad threatened us and said ‘You had better hope someone pulls out of the wedding’… I laughed in disbelief and an argument broke out.
I said we had met my mum in the middle by giving them an opportunity early on to invite whoever they wanted, even inviting a family member I dislike (my grandad) as I knew it meant a lot to my mum.
I asked him ‘When did this stop being our choice?’ and he said ‘I’m not arguing with you about this.’ I said ‘That’s exactly what you’re doing.’ and he said, ‘I’m the jerkhead who’s paying for this wedding’.
That was enough for me. I knew at some point that he would hold his portion of the over our heads if he wasn’t getting his way. I told him as much, grabbed my coat, and left as he told me to ‘get lost’.
My mum obviously said I was out of order and selfish. My sister and fiance believe we are in the right as it’s our wedding but I would like the all-knowing internet to decide. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
The original guest list they insisted on was ridiculous and I would have said no then. If that’s the trade for them paying imo it’s not worth it. It’s not their wedding. If they want to throw a party, they can throw a party.
If these people care so much to see the wedding then they can hire a videographer I guess. They are just using your wedding as an excuse to have a family reunion it seems. And not like you didn’t say they were welcome at the night party.
All of those things aside you also can’t just change the number of guests when things have been planned.” totallytotes_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You gave them the chance to invite who they wanted. They should not be trying to add people late.
However, in the grand scheme of things, inviting two extra people to the wedding should be more of an eye roll and acquiesced, not a hill to die on. Weddings are expensive for one, and no wedding ever goes off without some unexpected problem or issue.
So if inviting two extra guests is the worst issue you encounter for your big day, count yourself lucky.
Unless you have the funds to cover your dad’s part. In which case just say ‘No worries you don’t have to pay for it at all’ and then distinguish all their chosen guests.
But if you’re relying on their money, just let them have the small victories so you can have a peaceful and easy day.
Congrats on the marriage, by the way!” Ok-Amphibian-9422
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You asked who your parents wanted to invite, and they did not include the aunt and uncle at that time, meaning they probably didn’t care.
Since a few from his mother’s side were invited, word probably got to the aunt and uncle, who are now feeling left out and made sure his mother knew about it. Even so, you and your fiancée have a hard limit for the actual wedding.
You should not have to uninvite someone that you really wanted to be there.” TimelySecretary1191
It was that important to your Mom and you couldn't possibly squeeze them in? Mom probably thought they wouldn't be able to come, or didn't think of them till last minute, why does it even matter why? There will always be no shows.
In my mind, I can make room for one or two more if it's that important to someone I love. It has nothing to do with the Aunt or Uncle, it would be about my Mom's feelings.
5. AITJ For Putting Out A Pessimism Tax?
“I (35M) am a very cheerful person by nature. I went through a lot of in life, and I struggled a lot, but throughout it all, I managed to keep an even temperament.
I am an optimist by nature, and I always try to maintain a cheerful and bright outlook on life.
My wife (34F) is the opposite. She tends to get angry easily and is more cynical and jaded than me. We get along well for the most part, but she tends to always predict the worst. She always thinks about things that could go wrong, and never really appreciates what we have.
The problem is, as my kids are growing up, they are getting imbibed with her energy. They are starting to become incredibly cynical, with dour pronouncements on employment and the economy, constantly trying to bring up incredibly depressing news. They seem to enjoy talking about corruption, and downfall, and the bad things about our life, and society in general.
I read about some scientists who discovered that if you move your face into a smile, like holding that expression, muscle movement actually has an impact on your mood, and you become happier. Last month, I decided to put this into practice.
For every single negative or depressing thing they say, I take away a dollar from my kids’ allowances They begrudgingly went along with it at first, but now they are getting really annoyed at me, and everyone is calling me a jerk for this.
I don’t understand what’s so wrong about trying to keep my family from devolving into miserable people who see negativity and evil all around them, but my family says that I am being controlling. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ: so you are a Millennial raising Gen Z in THIS current world, at the 3rd year ‘anniversary’ of a global and subsequent upheaval of the entire world as we knew it, and are surprised that they have negative emotions?
Dude, I support optimism but there’s a difference between trying to see the positives and needing a total reality check. Since you mentioned that your kids are old enough to discuss the economy but still need an allowance I’m guessing early to mid-teens and yeah – they have the right to be pessimistic about what their lives and opportunities could look like in a few years…
Instead of punishing them for their negativity (which is clearly only breeding more negativity so not helpful?), try incentivizing or even just engaging in more positivity yourself. Find good news to share with them in their topics (they bring up the rollback of child labor laws in the US, mention the neighboring state introduced free lunches for all school-age children for example to contrast) or ask them how they would solve the problem to challenge them to think about what they can do to have a positive impact.” bluewildcat12
Another User Comments:
“Are you kidding? YTJ. You’re trying to control their emotions and how they’re feeling. Instead of punishing them for expressing normal emotions why not try to add your positive spin on the conversation? Taking away anytime they say something you deem too depressing or negative just adds MORE negativity to the whole situation.
Also, why are you the one who gets to decide what’s too depressing or negative? Everyone has a different outlook on life and a different definition or threshold for these things. Maybe your wife and kids think you’re positive and upbeat to the point of it being obnoxiously annoying – are they allowed to implement an ‘annoyingly happy tax’?
You do sound incredibly controlling. If I were your wife I would stop this before it even started. It sounds absolutely ridiculous and controlling.” sally-m-99
Another User Comments:
“Emotions are neither good nor bad. Telling someone they can’t feel some certain emotions is a major problem because we can’t control our emotions.
We can only control how we react to them. All of that said, not having the freedom to express those emotions is not healthy. The emotions don’t go away by ignoring them, they just fester. You are creating an extremely unhealthy environment for your children as a result.
Instead of being a role model for how to respond to emotions of all kinds, even those we deem as ‘bad,’ you are instead demonstrating that any emotion that isn’t HAPPY SMILING ALL THE TIME is wrong and invalid.
This will harm them mentally, and emotionally, as they grow and develop. It’s fair to work on venting/complaining and finding healthier outlets for emotions, but it’s unfair to expect toxic happiness all the time. That’s not the real world.
YTJ.” omgitsviva
Sometimes it is.
But you have to show them the great parts to life. Don't dock their money, spend money. Take them to sports activities. Take them to live theater. Go to museums, big cities, mountains, lakes....
4. AITJ For Not Helping With Watching My Nephew?
“Rae (25f) and I (23f) grew up in NYC. Our parents own a vacation home. When I moved out they decided to move there permanently.
They’ve only been back once so I recently decided to visit them.
Mom and Rae were talking and my plans came up. She called and asked why I didn’t tell her I was planning to go to Cali. I said it had nothing to do with her so why would I have to tell her anything?
She said it made no sense for us to do separate trips when we could just go together. I said she was acting extremely entitled to something she had no part in and I’m not obligated to include her in every plan I make.
She said she just wants our parents to meet her son. I said he’s like 5 months you had plenty of time to take him if it was important.
Then she cried to Mom. Ma said it was a good idea.
I said if Rae cared so much she would’ve planned to see them on her own. She told me she really needs this.
I told Rae if she comes she can’t ask me for I’m not helping with her kid act like I’m not even there.
She agreed.
The day came and our connecting flight was delayed so we had to stay the night. I was trying to fall asleep. She asked me if I was really going to sleep. I was annoyed. I said, ‘If you leave me alone.’
Later she asked me to watch the baby. I said just hold him and go to sleep. She was scared someone would snatch him while she slept. I said she sounds crazy and no one wants her kid. She said she was exhausted and had been drinking energy drinks all night but she was crashing and tried to put him in my arms again.
I said ‘This is exactly why you should’ve just stayed at home. I told you from the jump I’m not doing anything. You already forced your way here now you’re just gonna have to figure it out.’ She said ‘Seriously?
I’m exhausted I can barely even keep my eyes open’ I said ‘Then go to sleep’ and closed my eyes. She knew what the terms were.
We made it there but later Mom asked if she really raised me to be so cold toward my sister.
She told me she had broken down and had a mental meltdown. I said I love my sister but she should grow up and stop being so dramatic about a situation she put herself in. She said it wouldn’t have hurt to help her even just a little.
I told her I didn’t help her make the baby and she should’ve known something could go wrong when traveling.
We got back a week ago and haven’t spoken to each other at all but she texted me today about how hurt she was and she feels like I don’t care about her or my nephew at all.
I told her she knew what she was getting into when she begged to come and imposed on my trip. She said she thought I would’ve changed my mind when I realized we would have to sleep at the airport and that she would’ve done it for me.
I said ‘Your kid. Your responsibility.’ I might be willing to just apologize to shut her up if people say I’m the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“You are not obligated to include your sister in your travel plans although I do think that, in theory, it sounds like a nice idea to visit your parents together.
Nothing wrong with a little family get-together.
In reality, though, you sound terribly cold like your mother said. Do you hate your sister? Do you hate your nephew? You sound like you do. It wouldn’t kill you to be a tiny bit helpful, especially in extenuating circumstances.
What’s your problem?
If that’s how you were going to act, your answer should have been a hard no when your sister asked to tag along. Had she known that’s how you were going to act, I’m certain she wouldn’t have asked. You took a great opportunity to spend quality time with your sister and her sweet baby and s**t all over it.
YTJ” apothekryptic
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Your sister for hijacking your trip. You way more so for being cold.
Your sister has a new baby and her husband is gone a lot on an oil rig. Her baby is 5 months old and your parents haven’t met him, which means your mom hasn’t been there to help her adjust to new motherhood.
You obviously haven’t been a support to her during this time by the tone of this story. She probably heard you were going to see your parents, realized she had an opportunity to travel with another adult in case of emergency, and desperately needed some kind of human contact and support.
Reading this makes me feel so bad for your sister. Becoming a mom alters your entire reality. Doing it with an incredible support system was super hard, and your sister sounds like she has a really trashy one.
Of course, she said she wouldn’t make you help with her son, because I’m sure she didn’t plan to.
Flying from NYC to CA, I’m sure she figured she’d be fine. Extenuating circumstances created a situation in which any rational adult would assist their loved one, if only for the well-being of the child and not because of… I don’t know, empathy?
Which you clearly have none of.
Caring for an infant with no sleep is dangerous for the infant. Sleeping while holding an infant is dangerous for the infant. Both adults sleeping in the middle of an airport with no one watching the infant is obviously dangerous for the infant, have you ever heard of human trafficking?
Kidnapping? Even if you do not care about your sister at all, your spitefulness puts your nephew in a dangerous position.
If you ever have a baby, I hope in your hardest, lowest moment in those first few months, you remember how cold you were to your sister.
You may not feel sorry now, but you might then.” RecentRegister239
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it sounds to me like your sister always got/gets what she wants, and you simply wanted a solo vacation to visit family (giving you freedom/flexibility of schedule and plans).
But she forced her way into the trip with the help of your mom, and you set a clear boundary. Some people may think that’s cold, but if someone set a clear boundary with me then I’m not going to break it.
I could ask nicely, but when a ‘no’ is given then I would have to figure it out for myself (since my baby would be my responsibility). If she wanted to avoid this possibility, she should’ve booked a direct flight.
Or she should’ve invited your parents back to visit.” Double-Candle-8752
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here except for your mom. Your sister sucks for thinking you needed to tell her all your plans and invite her on the trip when she could make her own plans.
You suck for the way you treated your sister and nephew. Do you not realize how bad it sounds to say ‘Nobody wants your baby’? That’s so cold. And your sister was absolutely right to be concerned about someone taking her baby to the airport.
Neither of you could’ve known the flight would be delayed. I’m sure if she had another option other than asking you to watch the baby while she slept she would’ve taken it. Would it really have killed you to keep an eye on your nephew for an hour or two?
I think both of you need to go to therapy to figure out why you have so much animosity towards each other because you’re both too grown to be behaving like this.” bethholler
3. AITJ For Telling My Sister Not To Blame Me?
“My sister ‘Jamie’ (31F) has been with her fiancé ‘Dale’ since they were 10 on and off but they always found each other and I see Dale as a second brother.
Jamie was hit by a car at 16 by an intoxicated driver and it left damage to her lady bits to the where she can’t have kids and it has always made her sad but my mom told her about surrogacy and Jamie told me she wants this.
Jamie and Dale found a woman named ‘Valera’ (24F) and she was a nice friend but I didn’t trust her because like when Jamie would talk about the future and taking her and taking the future child on vacation Valera would say stuff like ‘I mean you wouldn’t be there’, ‘I’ll be the hottest mom at preschool’ and I even heard her talking to her mom on the phone about ‘taking the baby to visit her in Mexico’.
I told Jamie and said ‘Yeah get a contract I don’t trust this girl here’ and Jamie said ‘Look stop tryna ruin my happiness I trust her to be negative elsewhere,’ I said ok and I sat back and watched things unfold quickly.
When Valera was about 6 Months she stopped calling my sister cutting off the contract and only calling her to set up appointments it got to a point where my mom said something and Jamie called her ‘a bitter witch mad because she can’t have kids anymore’.
My mom walked out crying. Jamie was alienating us while Valera was doing the same to her so 2 months ago Valera decided to keep her baby and Jamie was devastated she quit showering, went into a deep depression stare, and just lashed out at everyone.
On my birthday on Friday, I invited Jamie my mom told me not to but I didn’t want to exclude her. The party was going fine until my mom said my brother is having a baby and Jamie freaked out on us yelling and cussing.
I finally had enough and said ‘This isn’t on us we said to get a contract or do something but you said you could trust this woman you played yourself’. Jamie slammed the door and Dale called me a ‘bitter witch’.
My dad said I was harsh while the other partygoers called me a bad sister I don’t think I did anything wrong.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Nobody likes the jerk who gets up in someone’s face and shouts ‘I told you so’.
Your mother deserves the jerk status too for announcing your brother’s partner’s pregnancy during your birthday party and doing so with Jamie right there knowing that that was going to be a problem.” southerncrossracers
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
First, your sister and her hus-friend did something utterly stupid. They clearly did absolutely zero research into the law regarding reproduction or surrogacy. To be clear, THIS WAS NOT A SURROGACY. This baby was never in any way your sister’s.
They’re not her eggs, it’s not her womb, and she’s not even married to the baby’s father.
Second, a contract would not have been enforceable because they chose the ‘private route’. Except in extremely limited circumstances, a parent cannot give up legal rights to their own child prior to the child’s birth and in some cases, prior to 30 days AFTER the child’s birth.
This is why you’re supposed to use established surrogacy services for this kind of thing.
Last, I understand your frustration, I really do. Your sister is inarguably a dummy, but her being dumb in this case is fueled by pain related to something entirely out of her control (inability to have children) that she’s obviously desperate to do.
Is that an excuse? No, but she’s your sister and she’s understandably in pain (even if it’s a result of her being dumb) and this was neither the time nor the place for ‘I told you so.’
So, as the Dude would say: You’re not wrong Walter.
You’re just a jerk.” Sufficient-Ant6619
Another User Comments:
“So… YOU had a birthday party and invited your entire family. Your MOM said not to invite your sister. Your MOM then broke the news that your BROTHER is having a baby, which is Jamie’s long-time trigger.
Your SISTER yells and cusses. And then YOU remind your sister that she put herself in that position.
So, it looks to me that YTJ and your mom just might be one too as well as your sister.
You all could do with some counseling.
You are correct that it is quite stupid to find a surrogate without a contract. But was it necessary to remind her of her stupidity? Your mom was correct that your brother is going to be a dad. But was it necessary to inform your sister at your birthday party?
Why not wait til later? Your sister was correct that she lost her surrogate’s child and it caused her trauma. But was it necessary to freak out at your birthday party? Why not grieve in private?
All of you have issues of being know-it-alls, self-centered, and completely unaware of what is a good time and place for these interactions.” SillySimian9
2. AITJ For Planting Mint And Other Bee-Friendly Plants?
“Last year one of my (40F) partner’s (47M) relatives first got very sick and then died. While he was in the hospital for several months, we regularly dropped by to look after his house, fix the garden, and make sure nothing was amiss, and such.
Now, one of the neighbors is a real consolation prize. As she does not like to garden, she had the garden (front and back) of the property she has rented filled up with rocks. I think it’s stupid and ugly, but as long as she is happy, more power to her – in HER garden.
Said neighbor started pestering my partner and me about things she wanted to be changed in the relative’s garden. Bushes cut off, plants removed, that stuff. She also claimed that the way we were gardening was attracting harmful ‘bugs’ (which, when I showed them to a friendly biologist, were confirmed to be wood sorrel seeds).
Anyway, I talked everything through with her to confirm what needed doing and removed any plants that were threatening to intrude into her garden (ivy, blackberry, etc.). The only thing I did not cut was one hazel branch, as it was in the middle of a dry spell (cutting them then is bad for the plant) and we were planning to relocate the bush anyway.
I explained this to her and asked if she could wait until spring. She said it was fine and let me get back to gardening.
The next time I dropped by, ‘someone’ had cut the branch in question. To be clear, legally she was allowed to cut anything growing over her property, and the branch was approximately 10 cm across the border.
I’m just really annoyed she said it was fine to wait and then hacked at the plant the moment we were not looking. But as my partner’s family was worried about the relative, I decided to let it slip and kept taking care of the gardens.
(By now we have cut and relocated the hazel, as promised.)
There was an empty spot in the middle of the relative’s front yard, and I decided to put some mint there. In case you do not know, mint is a very useful plant (insects like it, you can make it into tea, it smells delicious and keeps mosquitoes away) – and it’s unstoppable.
I know it will spread into the neighbor’s yard and mess up her peaceful rock paradise, and it is all but impossible to get rid of (it spreads along underground root tendrils).
My father thinks this is hilarious, obviously, I got my petty qualities from him.
My partner, on the other hand, thinks I may have been unnecessarily mean. The family plans to sell the property, so by the time this problem becomes obvious, we will be long gone.
I have also ordered a bee-friendly mix to freshen up the grass in the back yard, as she complained the grass was too high-growing and we had to rake out most of it.
Can’t sell a house with a bare-dirt backyard, right?
So, am I the jerk for planting mint and other bee-friendly plants in our dead relative’s garden?
I would like to add that this kind of mint is native to our region and it can be found growing wild at the edges of forests.
So it’s not an invasive species, just a PITA species.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But then I like mint and it’s one of the least destructive and offensive plants you can do for this. It’ll still take over. But it smells nice, isn’t toxic to wildlife and although their roots go everywhere it’s not bamboo.
I get people are having war flashbacks trying to get rid of too much mint but if this person has a rock garden and it’s planted on the side near it. It’s very likely just going to be a minor nuisance.
While the OP can reasonably monitor it.
I inherited some mint from my neighbor. It hasn’t left the garden section it invaded. It’s slowly spreading in the garden section but this has been through YEARS. Certain gardens are more and less susceptible to mint invasion.” HodDark
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, I know gardeners feel spurned when someone intrudes but it’s just a tree and she was legally allowed to cut it. Her crime is being dishonest about her intentions, but that doesn’t warrant you ruining literally everything for both your garden and future residents, but I will say you shouldn’t try to make amends and reveal this information.
It’s a done deal and you’ll get into more trouble if you try to make up for it.” nerdcoffin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is absolutely allowed to have her yard the way she wants to. But people who plaster their yards with stones, pebbles, and whatever and keep anything green (and alive) outside, deserve every petty revenge possible.
We face a major climate change and live in danger of a giant extinction wave and she turns her place into a crypt? Complaining about harmful bugs? Please, plant as much mint as possible!” wulfenganck
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, 100%. If you care about the soil and the insects, you wouldn’t let that mint remain uncontained, because the next owner is very likely to use a bunch of chemicals trying to get rid of your ill-considered revenge planting.
Also, as odd and ignorant as this neighbor is, you’re trying to get back at her for basically doing nothing wrong other than maybe being a grouch, which makes you super petty. If you’re spending this much time over there, why not worry about helping the curb appeal for the family’s property?
Turning it into a wild-looking forager’s garden is, sadly, not the way to achieve this.” NefariousnessSafe500
1. AITJ For Not Paying For A New Appliance?
“I just moved into a new home, which my spouse and I purchased this past week. During the walk-through with the sellers prior to closing, we noted that when a particular appliance was operating, there was a significant leak. They looked at it and said it looked like it was a certain pipe and that they would come by a few days later to fix it.
We agreed and proceeded to the sale.
Now, after they’ve come and attempted to fix the leak, they determined that it isn’t the pipe – the entire appliance will need to be replaced. They proposed splitting the cost and I refused, saying that they agreed to fix it prior to the sale and that the listing included working appliances.
They’ve said that they had no idea it would cost as much as it does and that it’s fair to split the cost. I say that I had no idea either, but that I relied on their understanding of the issue just as much as they did.
My spouse isn’t sure but feels bad that they will have to bear the whole cost. AITJ for holding them to their promise?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You mentioned directly to them and noted that the appliances were leaking, and not functional. It was agreed to be repaired. If they do this for a living then they will check the next house better to avoid these types of issues.
Just be careful as getting them to buy it will get you the cheapest option they can find. I would also go back to your agent and let them handle part of it.” Myth_Edge
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s on them to replace any damaged appliances.
I suspect the paperwork you all signed says as much.
Now with that said… I’d avoid having them pay in full for a replacement appliance… unless you’d be cool with the absolute cheapest thing they can find. See if there isn’t a better solution you can negotiate here.” TheHipReplacement
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, however, if you force them to replace it they will buy the cheapest, most cost-effective option. Speak to your real estate agent and ask for a sum of instead so you can choose your own appliance.
You don’t want the crappiest, cheapest one they can find that will break next year.” PNWPainter02
