People Love Telling These Humiliating 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
21. AITJ For Dismissing My Ex-Best Friend's Neuroscience Career?
“I (30F) was out with my mum and we bumped into my ex best friend’s (I’ll call her Magda) mum (Stella). We haven’t seen her/them since me and Magda were in the last year of secondary school when we fell out.
She hasn’t spoken to me since even though I tried to make it up with her. She also isn’t on social media and so I had no idea what happened to her since.
Anyway, we bumped into Magda’s mum (they remembered each other).
I was kind of annoyed and feeling awkward that my mum even spoke to her because me and Magda stopped speaking under quite bad terms. My mum asked Stella how Magda is and Stella started going on about how Magda is a neuroscientist now and living abroad and really bragging.
I said that I was surprised as she was kind of chaotic at school (and I didn’t mention but she was a couple of classes below me too). Then Stella asked me what I and my brother are up to now and I said I work in an office and also said what my brother does.
My mum said how I got a promotion a year ago but Stella just returned the story to Magda and how well she’s doing.
Stella said that she is going to go to the US to see Magda in a few weeks and that she is very excited as last year Magda was not able to get the time off work.
My mum said that Magda must work a lot for that kind of job, and Stella started bragging yet again about all the stuff that Magda was doing. I said that that’s the fun with my office job, that it’s 9 to 5 and then I can go home.
And looked at my mum to try to hint to her to wrap things up so we could leave, as it was mostly her and my mum talking anyway.
But my mum then piped up and said that “yes, but neuroscience is a very impressive career so I imagine it’s not that easy to take time off”.
I couldn’t hide my annoyance at that moment and I said that “it’s not really though, is it? Anyone can study and apply for that! (because it’s true). And Magda was right in the average class set at school so clearly anyone can do it!”
My mum then told me that was ridiculous and the conversation kind of awkwardly shifted and continued for an awkward minute about other things before Stella said she needed to get going and left.
When we got out of earshot I then had a go at my mum for talking to her in the first place.
We’re not friends and I don’t think there was anything wrong with what I said. Stella just wanted to brag and my mum had no loyalty to me in talking to her in the first place. But my mum was really angry and said that it was years ago since we fell out and that I had embarrassed her and that I was clearly just jealous.
Which is ridiculous. If I had wanted that job I would have tried to get it myself.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I’ve met a few adults who didn’t do well in secondary school because it was too easy/boring and not a challenge.
Went on to have amazing careers. Maybe that’s Magda. She found her area, and then motivation. Neuroscience is very impressive. Not everyone can do it. What do you do in your 9-5 office job that is so impressive?” qtcyclone
Another User Comments:
“YTJ! I have a very hard time believing you’re 30 years old based on this post. You are coming off jealous, petty, envious and very immature.
Magda’s mother didn’t do anything to you. Your mom was being cordial and polite, and you were having a mini tantrum that she showed no loyalty to you by speaking to another mother. Grow up. Get over yourself and that very old falling out, then move on with your life.
YTJ!” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I also notice that you said you ‘tried to make it up with her’ after the falling out so I think it’s telling that you obviously did something bad to end the friendship and now you’re acting bitter about her and embarrassing your mum in front of someone she clearly knows enough to speak to casually you sound really immature and pretty jealous of your friend tbh” llc2301
20. AITJ For Removing My Friends' Contact Info From My Mom's Phone?
“I (42F) recently went into my mom’s phone and removed all of my friends’ contact info. My mom (67F) has recently started calling all of my friends for favors (rides to the grocery store, vet, pet sitting, etc.) Despite the fact that my fiancé and I devote two days per week to help her with things, as well as his mom and other volunteers.
My mother just recently moved here, so I realize she doesn’t have her own support system, but some of her requests are excessive, and far exceed our abilities. The favors she has asked of my friends:
1) Can you watch my two geriatric dogs for a month while I go abroad?
(These are high-maintenance dogs that need near constant care. She offers to pay some money for this service, but it is a third of what a professional petsitter would charge for less demanding pets. My mom literally wants her dogs to be hand-fed if they don’t eat, and walked separately 3 times per day, not to mention a stringent 4X daily treat routine.
They will also poop everywhere if you don’t sleep on the floor at night with them. These dogs require you to stay with them full-time. You can’t leave to go for a job. She’s willing to pay about $15/day.)
2) Can you drive across the country with me and my dogs to relocate my things?
(She offers to pay for the hotels and food, but this is still a huge ask with everything else involved.)
3) Can you pick me up from the airport during a snowstorm that shut down the airport, let me stay at your house, then drive me to another city three hours from here tomorrow because I don’t want to spend the night at the airport?
(She offered to make them food as recompense, but never followed through with it.)
A few things to understand: My mom refuses to drive, refuses to take any form of public transportation (including Ubers and cabs), and (in the case of the flight cancellation) refused to find a hotel nearby or just hang at the hotel.
My mother also has no contact with my friends, sometimes for 10+ years, then suddenly calls them for this huge favor. She does not ask me if it’s okay to ask my friends for help. She just calls and asks, and I usually hear about it later from them.
Of course, my friends help her…as a favor to me. But I don’t like this. It makes me cringe. When I confronted my mother about this, she said, “It takes a village…” Yet, in all my years of knowing my mother, I have few examples of her giving to “the village.”
One night, on impulse, when I was visiting her, I asked her to hand me her phone and told her I was erasing all of my friends’ contacts from her phone. I know this might have been invasive, but the only reason I gave her these numbers were for emergency purposes 15+ years ago.
But now she is using them as her personal service hotline. My mom is obviously upset with me. AITJ for removing my friends’ contact info?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The only alternative would be to encourage your friends to say no, which puts them in an incredibly awkward position.” emerald-cupcakes
Another User Comments:
“wtf. SOoooooo NTJ! Your friends must consider you a great friend, otherwise your friends wouldn’t have villaged up for your mom like they did. I’m sorry your mom is taking advantage of your friendships. She’s manipulating people who she knows cherish you because she knows it would be difficult & uncomfortable for them to say no.” TheHobbyWaitress
Another User Comments:
“NTJ in my eyes. Good luck.” yobaby123
19. AITJ For Not Telling My Younger Son About His Brother's Autism?
“I am a mother to two boys, James (17 M) and Connor (15 M). James is on the spectrum, he was diagnosed when he was in 3rd grade, and we told him when he was a Freshman.
He has level 1 ASD, and his generally high functioning, however, his social skills are extremely lacking, and he struggles to ask for basic things or maintain conversation with anyone. He frequently gets stuck in loops or on a certain issue, and struggles to get out of it.
He struggles to get along with other kids his own age, and has recently started hanging around Connor and his friends more.
Connor isn’t autistic, and was generally extroverted and outgoing. He can make friends easily if he tries, and doesn’t have any issues in school.
Throughout most of his life, he has struggled to interact with and get along with his brother. We haven’t told him that James is autistic, and as far as we know, he doesn’t know. He is a nice kid, and he tries to be nice to his brother, but recently we’ve noticed that it is taking a toll on him mentally.
He is becoming removed from his friends when James is there more, as he has to take care of him or look after him. James often speaks Spanish, he’s been learning it for a few years, however no one else speaks Spanish around him. James does this not only to us, but also Connors friends, and often refuses to speak English, saying that “Connor can translate” as Connor has also been taking Spanish (lower level).
Connor is becoming more reserved, and is taking on the role of the older sibling/third parent when they are left together, having to look after James. He has been getting really annoyed with James lately, and on many occasions has asked me to get James away from him for a little while, as he find him to get in the way of his life.
James often doesn’t understand social cues, and often laughs about Connors interests, even in moments of vulnerability. Connor has expressed on several occasions that he doesn’t feel comfortable pursuing his interests because he feels like James will just make fun of him and will not be supportive.
There have been several examples of this happening over the years and I’m worried that James’ autism is starting to have/has been having a detriment on Connors life, and I don’t know what to do.
On one hand, I think that it is James’ decision to tell Connor when he is ready, and James says that he doesn’t want Connor knowing.
I agree with him in part, and I don’t know if it is my place or not to tell Connor. On the other hand, I feel like I am only pretending to help Connor or be there for him when he is struggling with this because there is no doubt that if Connor knew, and we were able to have open discussion about it, Connor would benefit hugely from that.
Connor has mentioned things in the past about James’ lacking social skills, but we have always tried to end that conversation because James says that he isn’t ready.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ- you waited until James’ high school freshman year to let him know his own diagnosis?
You suck, massively, so so so massively, especially for withholding that type of information. If James was not aware, does that mean his school wasn’t aware either? Shame on you for taking away any tools or resources he could’ve had at his disposal the entire time since diagnosis.
What a disservice to BOTH of your children and their sibling relationship. Step up and be a parent, for goodness sake. This is literally taking a toll on your other son’s mental health, and you don’t seem to care, because you would’ve stepped in and had this discussion already.” k09062016
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and What the actual F? Number one, keeping this info from James for so long meant he had no understanding of why he was different and having trouble socially. Presumably, if you didn’t tell him, you also didn’t seek much in the way of resources to help him.
You also are keeping this from Connor AND expecting him to have his brother as a tag along because you didn’t bother to help James make his own friends and learn about social cues etc. You have failed miserably as a parent to both your sons.” CTMom79
18. AITJ For Not Quitting My Job After My Step Mom Was Laid Off?
“I (28 F) and my stepmom have been working together for the same small company for about a year and a half, we are the only employees. She however has worked for this company for 8 years prior and actually got me the job. Both of our jobs are secretarial. We both share the same duties but she got paid double what I was getting paid.
I’m only part-time there, working 3-4 8hr days a week. I have a second job waitressing that I also work usually 4 nights a week, so I’m pretty busy.
About a week ago, our boss came to me and told me that her business is taking a hit and she may have to let one of us go (hinting that I wouldn’t be the one going).
Her plan was being that I am “cheaper” She wants to keep me but put me on 5 days a week for 6-7 hrs a day, depending on how busy we are + a few dollars more an hour (nowhere near what my stepmom was making). I feel awful but that would be huge for me.
My fiancé and I are trying to buy a house and pay for a wedding but I do feel awful she’s losing (lost) her job.
When my boss originally came to me, I had suggested cutting my hours down a bit (it would suck but I’d manage) and maybe talking to her about going part-time so that way she can still keep us both.
She said she’d consider it and that was that. Never discussed it with me again. I never said anything to my stepmom or my dad because I didn’t want to cause any chaos and nothing was set in stone.
Friday before lunch my boss came in and pulled my stepmom into her office.
I don’t know exactly how the conversation went but she basically “laid her off” so that she can collect full unemployment benefits. After their conversation, the boss left and my stepmom came back into the office to gather her things. She was upset but she understood.
(Both of us don’t think this business is going to make it to the end of the year). Before my stepmom left she made a comment that made me feel like a complete jerk. She said “I don’t know why you don’t just quit, this isn’t even your main job” and left. (This is my main job.
I consider my waitressing job my second because that’s usually a hit or a miss.)
I do get where she’s coming from but her attitude about it set me off, and there’s no way I can get hours from my waitressing job being that the schedule is set and everyone there is happy with what they work.
Later that night my dad called me, he was upset. He wasn’t necessarily mad at me, it wasn’t my fault, but told me I should have “walked out in solidarity”.
So AITJ for not leaving too? I really can’t afford to lose this job.
I already started applying to other places but until I have something lined up I really can’t leave.
Also, AITJ for not giving her a heads up? I didn’t feel it was my place to and I didn’t want to step on my boss’s toes.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, sorry. You definitely didn’t have to quit, but you should’ve told her. If she hadn’t gotten you the job I’d feel otherwise, but in this case, I think it’s ungrateful to leave her out of the loop. She did you a favor and when you had a chance to return it, you didn’t.” Plotina
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your boss is unethical. He laid off the person with seniority who makes more so he could cut his costs, then increase your hours. That’s questionable behavior. You were fine not giving her a heads up” Emotional_Bonus_934
17. AITJ For Confronting My Neighbor About Shared Driveway Maintenance And Her Kids Trespassing?
“I own ½ a duplex with a shared private driveway.
No HOA, but the H/O agreement says to maintain shared spaces. The neighbor moved in 2 years ago and has cleaned maybe 8 times. She is the only one in her family who does yard work, so I do about 80% of it and only text her to help when it gets out of control and I cannot fit in my compost bin.
She has 2 energetic twins who run around in our yard, which I am okay with, but then one day I get an alert on my ring camera. I message her “I just got an alert on my ring camera and it recorded your daughter saying she was taking stuff from the neighbor’s property… I am not sure what she was taking, I think rocks?
But can you have her not come into the rock area?”…no response, just cold stares every time she sees me…They continued to run around but not in the rock area, so it didn’t bother me.
Fast forward to last weekend, she texted she raked and asked me to clean in our corner because her bin was full.
Totally fine, but that is on our property, so I message “Appreciate you starting to do the leaves in the driveway. I know how it can fill up the bin having done it regularly over the years, and it’s not even fall! And you don’t have to do them on our side”.
She responds that my tone needs improvement, and we need to talk and to have a blessed day.
The Talk: She goes off on how I’m not a good neighbor and that she lives by Hawaii Culture of helping each other out and her previous Hawaiian neighbor would always do the shared driveway without asking her to help…I was born and raised in Hawaii and respectfully told her she LIVED in Hawaii, she was not FROM Hawaii, and educating me on Hawaii Culture is extremely offensive and disrespectful to she says she lived there for 15 years and it is her home and I am disrespectful for saying that.
She says she doesn’t care about the leaves because it isn’t a safety issue and I remind her about our H/O agreement. She says she can only do 1x/month because she is too busy doing everything for her family. I say I understand she is the only one doing things but it doesn’t negate her responsibility and she screams at me to not talk about her family.
We argue about how she thinks a portion of my driveway is shared and okay for her kids to run on. I told her to look at the city property site and it clearly shows the property lines…she says no. She tells me kids are kids and she cannot police them.
I said that is fine, so long as they don’t take things to which she scoffs and said “What are they going to take RoCkS?! You want me to pay for them?!” We go in circles and I am now hypocritical because I don’t allow her children to go in my yard, but I allow Amazon deliveries to come…
I walked away saying the conversation was done. My husband comes out because of the screaming and she screams back “Ohh you have to bring your husband out” and laughs.
Am I wrong in thinking she is a condescending, manipulative, culturally appropriating, delusional psychopath?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – tell her you’ll be calling the cops and reporting a trespasser every time someone from her place steps on your property. Her, her kids, her family, anyone. And follow through. You are not going to reason with this person. Never argue with an idiot, they’ll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.
Make sure your cameras are pointed right, well lit, and you have plenty of storage space.” Rude_Entrance_3039
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – sounds like a mom with the expectation that others will cater to her due to her twins. Unfortunately, it sounds like she doesn’t care about you or your property and won’t police her kids.
Not much you can do outside of involving the law to keep her and her kids off your lawn or just matching her level of effort on the shared space and dealing with whatever that looks like. This is going to likely go very petty, so best of luck with that.” CripzyChiken
16. AITJ For Saying My Aunt And Uncle Deserve Family's Hatred For Ignoring Their Son's Theft?
“Am I the jerk (23M) for telling my Aunt and Uncle (both early 60s) that they deserve to be hated by our family for allowing their youngest (15M) to steal?
I am going to call my Uncle Jack, Aunt Susie, and my cousin Max. This situation happened almost 6 months ago.
Max and his friends thought, in their infinite wisdom, to steal heirlooms from his nuclear family and sell them to different pawn shops. Max’s older brothers were devastated that their heirlooms were stolen.
Jack and Sussie only cared what Max and his friends stole from them but not his brothers. But, they didn’t know it was him until 2 days later when they heard him confess over the phone.
With this, instead of finding the things they sold (important heirlooms to my other cousins), they forced Max to give his brothers the money he got for it.
Rightfully, Max’s brothers wanted their stuff back and demanded Max tell them where he sold everything. Max budged and told them but only got 3 of the 12 heirlooms back. My cousins didn’t forgive Max since and would barely talk to him. When the rest of the family heard, the majority of them were on my cousin’s side and disliked Max since.
4 months later, I was talking to Max’s eldest brother (Steve, 24M) at a small family get-together and that topic came up. Max tried to pull the same stunt again but was caught before he left the house by Steve, who was visiting at the time.
Hearing, this got me more angry at Max. I told Steve that Sussie and Jack should have given Max proper consequences for his actions, like sending him to juvenile hall or a detention center. Susie and Jack overheard me say this to Steve and got angry.
They started yelling at me that ‘Max is just 15’, ‘he didn’t know better’, and ‘doesn’t deserve to have this dangled over his head for the rest of his life’.
In response, I stated that this is why he stole from his family in the first place.
If they raised Max properly he wouldn’t be stealing from his brothers and them. Max is a thief and should be treated as one. Their behavior is why no one in the family talks to Max and hates them for not actually making him face proper consequences.
Not only that, everyone knows that he was the ring leader because he knew EXACTLY where to look.
When I said this, they got even angry at me and said that him ‘paying the share he got’ was more than enough punishment and called me a jerk for wanting Max to face further consequences.
With that, I told them that they wouldn’t be surprised if he decided to continue to steal and came across someone ‘less forgiving’ than them and heard that he was behind bars. After I say this, they take Max and leave. Steve agrees that Max should have faced harsher punishment but me saying that was mean.
Even though I believe that Max should have faced more than giving my cousin the money he got, Am I The Jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If he were 5 I’d say teaching him right and wrong is a work in progress. At 15 he should know it by now.
If his parents won’t teach him now, when will he be old enough?” Prestigious-Apple425
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. His parents are probably a good part of the reason Max behaves like he has. Also, you are right that the lack of consequences–in the form of both punishment and probably therapy–will lead him to steal again and have to face really serious legal issues.” VariousTry4624
15. AITJ For Correcting My Pregnant Sister's Misinformation About Breastfeeding?
“I think a woman can absolutely choose if she wants to breastfeed or not, or for how long. If I was pregnant myself, I’d probably breastfeed for about 2 months then switch to powder milk – that’s kind of the norm in my country.
Both my sisters are pregnant, both for the first time.
I am SO thrilled! We’re all 30ish F.
One of my sisters told me she plans to breastfeed for 1-2 month, I said OK great. She added “people say it’s better for the baby to breastfeed longer, but that’s actually only true in non-developed countries, because they don’t have access to good powder milk like us”.
I kinda froze and replied “well, you do whatever you want, but no, the benefits are also true in our country”. She was doubtful as I am childless and didn’t know the specifics why, so I said one of my BFF who had a kid recently read a TON of studies on everything baby-related (she speaks fluent English/French/Chinese, and had tons of time) and had summed up some to me.
She asked “oh, so if she looked into it, are there any powder milks that are better than others?” I had no idea but said I’d ask her.
I saw my friend, she told me that basically all powder milks are the same, and explained to me in details the benefits/cons of breastfeeding – I checked them as some surprised me, she was right.
So I sent a message to my sister telling her “hey so you can pick whichever powder milk they’re the same. And, that’s completely up to you, but the benefits of breastfeeding in our country are this and that – and the cons are this and that *(they were significantly lower)*.
Now again you do whatever you want so I won’t mention it again unless you specifically ask for it *(I meant it*).”
I later mentioned it to my other sister – we’re super close and talk every day. She told me I should never have mentioned it at all, because pregnant women get judged all the time on that.
I said that if I was taking a decision based on wrong facts, and someone knew it was wrong, I’d want them to tell me. She told me the gynecologist of one of her friends had told her that breastfeeding benefits were only true in non-developed countries, “so pregnant women prefer to trust an expert rather than you, … and so do I.”.
I asked her if she wanted sources/studies to check I was saying the truth. She said that no I should just basically never mention to a pregnant woman that her info is wrong, it was the job of the medical staff to look into it, other people shouldn’t say anything if they disagree otherwise that’s similar to judging the pg women.
We stopped there, both upset.
Maybe I’m more upset than I should be, because we love our family but everyone else tends to share fake news like they are truths and we were the only two who would actually check our facts, and, well, it’s just a bit sad to know you can’t trust the “facts” your loved ones tell you, even on serious topics, and have to nod with a smile even when you know they’re wrong, otherwise they’ll get mad.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were not judging, you were relating CORRECT information. I’d be grateful for it. I see the point that pregnant women get unsolicited advice all the time (after all, not even some women trust women). But you’re a sister, and you were not judging.
I’m from Brazil and here mothers are encouraged to breastfeed a minimum of 3 months, ideally 6, and that’s for wealthy women as well, not just poor ones. But not breastfeeding is ok as well, it happens, or it’s the mother’s choice.” cityflaneur2020
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Do these medical professionals have shares in baby formula?
Because I can’t think why they would say breastfeeding is unnecessary otherwise. Like you, I’m childless, but I know that what she’s being told is completely wrong and there’s nothing wrong in you telling her something which will benefit her baby.” RichSignal7022
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but they’ve made their position clear. if they want to formula feed, they will find “facts” that make their position the best one. it’s disturbing that they are being told this by their doctor, but a quick check of -oh everything- will show that their information is wrong.” joosdeproon
14. AITJ For Insisting My Stepsister Separate Her Sons' Birthday Celebrations?
“Last weekend, I (29f) was invited to join my dad (60m) and stepmom (58f) to celebrate my stepmom’s grandson’s 11th birthday. The birthday boy is Luke and he has older twin brothers named Jaxon and Jimmy, and their mother (aka my stepsister) is named Ellie (37f).
Jax and Jim also turned 13 over the weekend. Here’s where it may get confusing, so I’ll try to specify.
Luke’s actual birthday was Saturday. The twins’ actual birthday was on Sunday. So Luke and the twins were born 2 years and 1 day apart.
In the weeks leading up, Luke was pleading to have his birthday just be his own because he’s always had to share a birthday celebration with the twins before.
Out of all my stepsiblings, I’m closest with Luke so I naturally have a soft spot for him and I agreed that he should have his own day and the twins should have a separate celebration on Sunday or the weekend after.
Ellie shut me down, saying there’s no reason why the tradition of celebrating all 3 boys on one day should be discontinued. I told her that Luke probably feels overshadowed on birthday celebrations because the twins get more attention and more presents. Luke nodded his head in agreement while Ellie just laughed at me then rolled her eyes.
My dad agreed with me too, thinking it’d be a nice change and be more fair for Luke anyways. My stepmom seemed neutral in the discussion, not caring either way. Ellie groaned and eventually obliged to the idea of Luke having his own day, which made him ecstatic.
Well, this past Saturday happened and we’re at the bowling alley, having fun with the family and a few of Luke’s friends. When it was time to do the cake, Jax and Jim yelled to everyone “Hold on, hold on everyone! We have a surprise!” then they ran outside.
I got suspicious of this, so I followed them. They were at Ellie’s car. I walked over and my jaw DROPPED at the sight of them getting another birthday cake that had a 13 candle on it along with more presents!
I asked them, “What in the world are you guys doing!?
This is supposed to be ONLY Luke’s birthday celebration, remember!?” Then the boys started screaming at me at the top of their lungs! I couldn’t believe it! Jimmy yelled at me, “This is a birthday party! We’ve always had our birthdays celebrated together, so this should be about us too!” I was so shocked by how furious they were, I didn’t even know what to say!
Then Ellie comes out and joins in on the screaming, telling me to mind my own business. A patrol officer was nearby and he heard how loud they were screaming and kicked them out of the lot.
Fast forward to now, stepmom’s relatives are blowing up my phone and social media (some of them are people I’ve never even met before!), telling me I should’ve just let the boys have their day because that’s how it has always been and that I ruined a fun birthday.
My dad is on my side and thinks Ellie and the boys acted atrociously. My stepmom said Luke won’t come out of his room due to me creating more friction between the siblings. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Someone needs to stand up for Luke and it sounds like his mother is rather uninterested in that.
If she can’t see that she’s hurting one of her children and creating a dynamic within the family that is ultimately going to escalate (especially considering the reaction of the twins), someone needed to tell her. That poor kid. YOU didn’t ruin his birthday, his mother was apparently determined that it be ruined either way.” hannahkelli
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Poor Luke. He’s specifically telling his mom how he feels and she disregarded that. You were trying to advocate for him. For the mom to then get cakes for his twin brothers on his day when they were going to get their own party, was terrible.
I can’t stand moms like these. I can get it because I have twin brothers that overshadowed my whole childhood. It wasn’t done maliciously. They were just cute and outgoing where I was more shy so the extended family fawned over them. However, my mom made a point to make sure I was celebrated on my bday and that our celebrations, Christmas’s, etc. were similar and didn’t feel unfair.” Ok-Context1168
Another User Comments:
“Your father is really the jerk here (quite aside from the obvious villains, Ellie and the twins), because he has the authority to ensure that Luke has his own birthday but all he does is quietly take a position yet do nothing to defend it.
You are the hero of the tale. This stealthy attempt to ruin Luke’s birthday is disgusting. No wonder he’s in his room alone. You know how rejected he feels by his own relatives (except you). NTJ” RealbadtheBandit
13. AITJ For Refusing To Share A Car Lease With My Fiancée?
“My fiancée and I are getting married in 3 months, I want to keep it strictly about the incident so I won’t go into more relationship details other than we’ve been great together so far (almost 4 years).
So far I haven’t found a car to be a necessity in my life so I prefer to commute to work using public transportation (takes me 45 minutes one way and I usually work remotely twice a week) and save the money instead, although I always expected to get one at some point in the future.
My fiancée on the other hand has had a car for the past 4 years as she does not even entertain the idea of public transport (her commute would’ve been slightly shorter than mine but she has to be on site 4 days a week).
When her lease expires we will have been married already so two days ago she suggested that we lease a car together and I immediately shot down the idea.
My reasons are as follows:
* the only reason why I’d consider getting one would be to shorten my work commute from 45 to 20-25 minutes, but as I mentioned before, my fiancée does not even entertain public transportation (she reiterated this stance in no uncertain terms when the shared lease came up) and has to be on site 4 times a week, and that would leave me with just one car commute a week
* considering this, I calculated the annual mileage I’d be getting out of this car and it came out at 1500-2000 km. Not enough to justify such an expense in my opinion
* finances are a factor but not a critical one. We’re talking about a $80k car in a country where the average annual take home is around $20k, so while it’s definitely a serious expense (and one I can’t justify utility-wise), we can definitely afford it without denting the budget too much.
I ended up being called a jerk because my fiancée thinks this is a selfish line of thinking and married couples should think about the needs of a couple instead of an individual and we do need a car as a couple.
*Bonus info that actually has me considering a prenup:*
I work as a b2b so instead of being employed by my employer I run a one-man company that renders services to a client. On day to day basis it’s the same but it means I’m being taxed on the profit I make rather than on the entire paycheck, so being able to claim a car lease as an expense would at least lessen my tax burden.
My fiancée said no to that, as she wants the car to be registered under her parents’ company that she works for. I obviously pressed the issue and she was unable to come up with any concrete reason why she wanted it this way other than “our cars have always been registered there and it worked fine”.
At this point, the alarms went off in my head and I went from “my future wife just wants to share too much” to “I might be getting scammed here”. But maybe I’m wrong and it really is the way most marriages work, so that’s why I wanted to ask an objective party – am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“If you think your future bride might be a scammer, then maybe you shouldn’t consider a prenup but a breakup instead. Is it normal for married couples to share a lease? Maybe. Is it normal for married couples to suspect one another is a scam artist?
Not so much.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but her car should be registered to your company if you’re on a lease together especially since married couples work together. It doesn’t make sense to have it under her parent’s company. I don’t know that this itself is prenuptial worthy but it shows she prioritizes her family of origin over you, who are supposed to be her life partner” Emotional_Bonus_934
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but only at the part of the registration. In a marriage, you do need to think about the relationship as a whole and not just your own needs. So I can certainly see a situation where a couple would lease a car together even though one person will be the primary user.
However, if I understand correctly, she’s asking you to give her parents a new company car. Just because that’s what she normally does? That’s bizarre and what makes you NTJ.” JasJoeGo
12. AITJ For Taking Full Credit On A Group Project I Completed Alone?
“I’m a student (M25) at a private university in the US.
For one of my major-related classes, we were assigned a group project as our final for the class. We were split into groups randomly and were tasked with coming up with a proposal for the school to change some aspect of student life. We had 5 group members including myself.
Nothing too serious. However, I have committed myself to being the best student possible given my limited time at university so I put forth 110% effort on my projects and take things more seriously than some of my peers.
The assignment was given several weeks before the due date; eons of time for a project like this.
I took the initiative to gather everyone’s contact information, seems easy but we weren’t given proper class time to acclimate and meet our team members so I had to track everyone down outside of class. After collecting everyone’s phone numbers for the group, I began sending out text messages asking for people’s names (so I could link them to their numbers), potential ideas for our proposal (basically asking for their thoughts and ideas), and even started a slide show document with a general outline ripped from the grading rubric of the assignment AND shared it with all of them.
I was essentially spoon-feeding these people as much as I could to make their lives easier come time to finish the project.
Two weeks passed, and I sent multiple text messages asking for topic ideas, trying to delegate work, and even taking the initiative to start working on some of the presentation content.
I got 0 responses of substance from any of my teammates. 0 communication aside from a thumbs up or a “Thanks OP!”.
On top of getting back 0 communication, there was also 0 work done by the other members. The Google doc showed that I was the only person to make any edits or even view the file.
Fast forward to the day before the assignment is due, I send out one last text asking to meet with them to finish the project. Three of them had better or other things to do. One did not respond.
The next day, I contacted my professor and locked all of them out of the slide document, took their names off it, and sent my last text stating that I’d be leaving the group and taking the presentation I made with me.
Two of the members were understanding and apologetic for their absences and lack of work ethic. I was appreciative of their self-awareness. The other two were defensive and aggressive about my decision, they began spamcalling and texting me begging me to reverse or walk back my decision.
One even confronted me in class and tried escalating to a fight over it.
I feel guilty for leaving the group and essentially giving these people an opportunity to feel vindicated, but I couldn’t get over my own feelings about being the work mule and the lack of appreciation from the other members.
My partner stays indifferent about my decision, and my closest friend says I messed up by giving these people a reason to now hate me. Did I do the right thing???
AITJ for finishing and presenting a group project that I made 100% on my own and kicking my other teammates out the day the project was due?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your group didn’t do the work, so they shouldn’t get the credit. I had a similar ethic to you when I was in college and ended up in a couple of similar situations. Although not with an entire group unwilling to work, usually just 1 or 2 people.
I did lean slightly towards a soft YTJ just because you waited until the deadline to pull the trigger on removing them. Ultimately, it was still their responsibility to participate in the project. If this happens again in the future, you should inform the professor right away of the issue.
And be more forceful about it earlier on. I would tell people well ahead of the due date that if they didn’t do their part, then their names would come off the project. That was usually enough of a kick in the butt to at least get some effort from them.” Peg_Leg_Vet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for the decision overall, but I think you probably should have communicated to them earlier that their lack of engagement would be grounds for removal from the document and from the group, and that you would be going to the professor about their lack of engagement.
I think that’s where you’re kind of at fault, waiting until the deadline to pull the trigger and remove them. It may have been better to go to the professor earlier on and let them know as a heads up that there was a lack of involvement on behalf of group members and ask their opinion on what measures you should take moving forward.
Like I said, at the end of the day, I don’t think you’re in the wrong for removing them as they didn’t do any of the work, but I think you could have taken steps earlier in the project process to lay out those expectations.” Reasonable_Patient92
11. AITJ For Confronting My Sister About Naming Her Baby Similar To Our Deceased Niece's Name?
“My (31M) sister “Jane” (35F) lost her firstborn daughter “Ella” in a stillbirth around 7 years ago. Obviously, that is an unimaginable experience and while my sister does not talk about her grief in depth to me, I know that she and her husband both attended a support group for parents in that situation and my brother-in-law has off-hand referenced both of them being in therapy at one point.
They have a 4-year-old son and a 16-month-old daughter.
My twin sister “Kate” (31F) announced she was pregnant with her first child a few months ago. All of us — Jane included — are very excited for her. She and her partner did say they were expecting a girl, but they also declined to mention any names until recently.
I respected that and didn’t ask since I think such things as gender reveals or names should be left up to the parents.
Well, to make a long story short, I ended up accidentally finding out what my niece’s name is going to be — “Elle.” As a first name, not even a middle name.
I ended up confronting Kate about it as gently as I could, asking if Jane knew that the name my sister chose was so close to the name of our deceased niece. Kate got very defensive and confirmed, no, Jane doesn’t know and she’ll find out with “everybody else” when the baby is born (she is due in late September).
I know “Ella” and “Elle” are technically different names but it feels very very close and I think even though Jane has shown nothing but support for Kate, she might need a heads up that honestly, it’s a bit insensitive to choose a name so close in the first place.
Kate lashed out at me and told me that as someone who does not have or want children, I’ve never been through the process of choosing a name for a child that I and my partner both were willing to saddle the kid with for life (true) and that I was butting into a private matter and that I was also presuming in advance that Jane would not like the name choice when neither of us have even talked about it with her (also true).
So I can see how I could be the jerk since she is right about me not having kids but I still feel like if she HAS to have a name so similar to our deceased niece’s she should have talked about it with Jane first and definitely not wait until after the baby is born and “spring it” on her.
The only person I’ve talked about this to is my partner, who is good friends with Kate, and agrees that “Ella”/”Elle” is pretty similar and that it is not in good taste but also thinks I should probably NOT tell Jane in advance and let the situation work itself out.
I just feel like my older sister should have time to process and I’m THIS close to just telling her but AITJ for feeling like there are so many names that Kate and her partner could have chosen that weren’t just one vowel sound off?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re absolutely right – Kate should, at the **very** least, be having a conversation with Jane about this rather than blindsiding her when the baby is born. And frankly, I can’t understand how she even got to the point of choosing that name – there are literally thousands of baby names available, and she HAD to pick one that had strong associations for a close family member?” IntrovertedBookMan
Another User Comments:
“Giving a baby the same name as a sibling’s deceased baby (unless the sibling agrees to it and sees it as honoring the deceased child) is vile behavior. You did nothing wrong in speaking to Kate, who is about to do something incredibly insensitive.
Also, know that this situation is not going to work itself out, and you’re going to end up in the position of having to decide between Jane, the devastated bereaved mom, or Kate, who is being about as cruel as she could be if she sticks with this name.
I’d pick Jane, and maybe let Kate know that’s the plan. She names the kid Elle and you’re out. NTJ” Nester1953
Another User Comments:
“There is literally another post from about 5 hours ago from the mother whose baby died about her sister, who gave her daughter a similar name.
Her sister did not discuss her name choice and went to talk to her about it afterward. She closed the door in her face. The time frame of this tragedy is longer, but I can’t imagine it’s any less painful. The fact that Kate doesn’t want to disclose her name choice to Jane suggests she knows that this is not going to end well.” Apprehensive-Bet2081
10. AITJ For Losing My Temper At A Customer Who Couldn't Provide A Receipt?
“I’m (25F) a manager at a well-known retail store. We recently had the company change policy where we no longer accept returns/exchanges without receipts. It’s to help combat theft, as well as receipt scamming. Basically, when someone comes in with a bunch of clothes they never bought and returns them without a receipt for store credit, i.e., free clothes.
We’ve cracked down on it quite a bit as we’ve had a huge influx of theft and receipt scamming.
Anyways, this lady comes in with her daughter at about 30min til close. She had giant shopping bags of clothes she wanted to buy as well as a few clothes she wanted to return.
I was counting down one of the registers when I heard her talking with one of my associates. She was basically saying, “I want to exchange these clothes for these ones. And I’ll pay the difference.” (Usually when people are receipt scamming they’ll almost always offer to pay the difference because it makes them seem like, hey see I’m not stealing I’m willing to pay for some of it) So my associate says, “If you have the receipt, I’ll have my manager come do it for you.” The lady then makes up some bs about oh I never got a printed receipt but I’ll check my email.
We do email receipts but only if you provide your email.
So while the lady was looking she told my associate to go ahead and start ringing up the stuff she did want. But lo and behold she couldn’t find the receipt. She’s making a fuss now so I step in.
I told her that unless she had the receipt I couldn’t do anything for her. So she started blaming it on one of the registers. Saying that when she was here one of the registers messed up so they couldn’t print it. So I asked if she provided her email.
She said no, to which I replied, “How are we supposed to send your email receipt without your email.”
She started getting aggressive and I started getting upset as she was holding up the line, yelling at me, and yelling at my associate. So in the moment, I walked away to get a different manager.
I figured sometimes when people are upset they wanna hear it from somebody else. As I’m walking away, this lady says: “She must be having a pretty bad freaking day to ruin mine.” I snapped. I will admit I could’ve handled it better but in that moment I truly couldn’t contain my anger.
I walked back to her and outright told her that I wasn’t having a bad day until she opened her mouth. I told her I was gonna do it for her but since she wanted to act like a 5-year-old, she wouldn’t be getting help from me.
And that if she wanted to keep complaining about me we could take this outside.
Finally, I got a different manager, and when we came back to the register she was gone saying that she was never coming here again. The other manager that I got told me I was being a jerk and that I should’ve just done it for her.
She ended up buying everything though so whatever.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. She’s a jerk for being an annoying customer, you’re a jerk for escalating a situation to the “we can take this outside” point when you’re supposed to be acting professional and the other manager’s a jerk for saying you should have done it for her, because one of the most irritating things about working in retail is when managers ignore the rules every time a customer is rude and pushy.” Allaboutbird
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I work in retail security. This is typical scammer behavior. They think if they make a big enough scene they will get what they want, just to shut them up. Personally, I think people who work retail should be able to punch one customer every day.” FatherDouglas2004
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you are my hero. I remember being 16 and working at a popular restaurant chain and a grown woman full-on cussed me out in front of her husband and children when I said we were out of the chicken she wanted and that no we couldn’t give her what was on the grill for another five minutes as it was still raw.
She tried to get my manager to write me up for having an attitude (I started tearing up while she was yelling) and my manager flat out told her she deserves salmonella if that is how she talks to people who are trying to do their job and follow guidelines using common sense.
Best manager ever and helped with my college apps.” New-Masterpiece-661
9. AITJ For Not Asking Cult Elders Permission For Fiancé's Parents To Attend Our Wedding?
“My fiance (24m) and I (23f) will be getting married in a year.
His family has always been challenging. He was born in a benign cult that laundered money, mand anipulated, and brainwashed people. When we began seeing each other, the cult didn’t approve because “I wasn’t Christian”.
His parents and the church elders tried very hard to talk him out of seeing me and even resorted to sabotage.
Fast forward to now: they failed. He has left their community and we are now engaged.
He’s become really good at asserting boundaries and I am so proud of him since I know this can be extremely difficult when you’ve been raised to submit to your superiors.
The cult has ex-communicated him. Nobody from there speaks to him except his parents (and they cop flak for it).
While planning the wedding, the question of his parents attending came up. They’ve come a long way since he left. They have made an effort to get to know me and now treat us as a couple, inviting us both to lunches, etc. One of them has even apologized!
They have expressed that they would like to come to the wedding and are not the type of people who would cause a scene.
However, his parents have asked if we can talk to the elders of the church and seek permission for them to come.
The elders control everything about their lives and actively lie. They may invent an excuse to stop them coming on the wedding day. Also, *we* have to be the ones to ask, because his parents think if my fiance sucks up to the elders it will give them the best chance of going.
At first, we thought whatever, as long as it works. However, my parents have pointed out that “seeking permission” does not set a good premise for our marriage. Any requests would be seen as transactional, and the elders would try to use “the kindness they showed us in the past” as future leverage.
After giving it some thought my fiance and I both strongly agree. We don’t want to get involved and certainly don’t want to start our marriage feeling like we owe the cult any favors.
We feel a bit sorry for where this leaves his parents.
They want to attend their eldest son’s wedding. Asking permission would help their chances and it feels wrong to not do everything we can. I doubt they will go against the church elders’ wishes if they forbid them to come. They need to be careful.
The church owns all their assets (house, car, furniture) and they have little savings. If they left, they would have nothing.
We might be making things difficult, but how sympathetic should we be when they choose this life? At the end of the day, they are free to make their own decisions.
We want to draw the line at requesting things from the church elders. It may seem trivial but we both feel it’s really important to start our lives together with a clean slate.
AITJ for deciding that these will be our principles concerning the wedding (and our futures), and leaving his parents to their fate?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ And maybe this will be the catalyst for his parents to realize they need to leave if they want to keep any kind of relationship with yourselves It’s ridiculous at their age they have to ask anyone else for permission to attend their own child’s wedding One can only Hope at least….” ColdstreamCapple
Another User Comments:
“This is such a sad situation. I’m so sorry you are struggling with it. I think your parents are right. You shouldn’t be asking a cult for permission. You are acknowledging their “power” and in doing so you are giving them power.
Unfortunately, I think the in-laws have put themselves in this situation and are choosing to stay in this situation so they need to navigate this situation.” Wandering_aimlessly9
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and this really sounds like something to be worked out with a trauma-informed counselor.
They chose the cult-life and the healthiest thing forward is allowing yourselves to have a healthy life as far away from that cult as possible. You are not responsible for their situation, their healing, or how difficult this is for them. I know that it seems harsh, but if you do this, you will enable the cycle to continue.” [deleted]
8. AITJ For Not Giving My Brother A Ride Home From Our Honeymoon?
“My wife [31F] and I [32M] got married a few years back, and had an unpleasant experience at the end of our “honeymoon.” Now we’re wondering whether WWTA or not.
We didn’t start married life with a tremendous amount of time or money, so we decided to defer a traditional, full-blown honeymoon and just follow our wedding with a fun week in a major southern US city, about 4 hours from where we lived. We’d splurge another time.
However, we also made the poor decision to share our plans with family and friends.
The wedding went fine, and we were fortunate to receive quite several presents, some large, which along with our luggage filled up much of the available space in our subcompact car.
The problem arose shortly before we planned to leave the city and head back home. My brother, who lived near the city, called us and said that he had some business to attend to somewhat near our home, and asked if he could hitch a ride with us instead of booking a plane flight.
We balked. For one thing, it seemed rude even for him to consider asking a favor of us while we were on our modest honeymoon. We would also have had to delay our departure time to accommodate him: we had planned to leave mid-day to avoid traffic, but we’d have had to wait for him to finish work and instead depart during a very unpleasant rush hour.
We would also have had to first drive further away from home to pick him up, and then later chauffeur him to his destination before reaching our home.
It would have been extremely cramped in the car (if indeed it was possible to fit everything at all), unless we left some of the presents behind with other nearby relatives, to be retrieved sometime later on a subsequent trip to the area (which we visit perhaps four times a year).
We talked about it and then told him ‘No, sorry’ and explained why, expecting him to say something like, “OK, that’s fine, just thought I’d ask.” Instead, he was pretty upset with us, as he seemed to feel that we should have saved him the money and hassle of taking a plane — after all we were all traveling to the same approximate destination.
My brother has plenty of money, in case that matters to your judgment. And although he’s my brother, let’s just say that I wouldn’t characterize him as someone I’d go out of my way to hang out with in a small car for 4-6 hours.
We felt justified in declining his request at the time, which seemed like a violation of honeymoon etiquette, and we were especially annoyed that he tried to guilt us, newlyweds, into helping him. Things have been a bit frosty with him since then, but lately, we’ve wondered whether we were overly harsh, since maybe he didn’t view our honeymoon as “the real thing,” and family is family.
Although even we had just been on a normal vacation, it still seemed like he was asking for a pretty big favor, considering the ripple effects if we had agreed to help him.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ he asked for a favor and you declined and now he is being a baby” FosterCatFriendly
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, I’ve been trying to see it from his point of view, which could be that it wasn’t a “real” honeymoon, or that by the time we started to drive back the honeymoon was over (certainly that drive isn’t any fun!). OTOH, he did inarguably ask us *during* our honeymoon.” TearBrilliant2370
7. AITJ For Kicking Out My Long-Term Freeloading Friend And His Spouse?
My(30 m) and my buddy(48m) have been friends for 12 years and lived together for 5 with my now wife. My friend has had his share of financial issues and often couch-surfed until I let him stay with me. He promised he would only stay until he got a stable job and 5 years later still hasn’t found one.
Despite this, he’s managed to scrounge up livable savings and spend his free time buying sake and not doing his share of chores. Throughout the years though, I talked with him about hooking him up with a job but was always rejected with his expectation that he find some work/place of his own soon.
With his announcement of their engagement, my buddy and his partner said that they would combine their income to buy their own house and move out before the wedding. Neither had much money and had to take out a loan for their wedding but when my wife and I brought this up, once again willing to let them both stay so long as they earned their keep(paying for their food or cleaning up at least), we were dismissed.
As expected, the “hard” moving date was tossed around(Before the wedding: we just need a little more time. The cheapest places are so far away and it would take us off schedule to do so. After the wedding: We are paying off our debts right now and with how important good credit is buying a house, we need to pay off what we have first. Honeymoon after taking out another loan a month later: This is an important trip for us and we should be able to enjoy it.
We’ll just add this to our pay-off soon list. We’re almost done paying off the first loan anyway(they were only 20% done with it)) with every excuse possible. Time and time again I asked them if they wanted extra help with finding an apartment or money( we offered to help pay off their debt) only to be dismissed with an air of annoyance.
After their announcement of a honeymoon and trying for kids, I realized that they intended to stretch out their stay for as long as I’d let them. I called a bunch of our mutuals and got a list of those willing to help them get on their feet.
I sat them down a day into their honeymoon and told them that we couldn’t house 4 people with more on the way on our salary and gave them the list of mutuals. They called us jerks for “kicking them out of their house” and “leaving them with nothing”.
They left for their trip and haven’t spoken to us since. My wife and I think we did the right thing and still want to help them in the future. Some of our mutuals agree but think we could have handled it better and the others think we should have been more patient and or been more firm without kicking them out.
I get they were financially struggling but I think they should have slowed down with big purchases and or just taken the job opportunities we gave them. So, AITJ for kicking them out?”
Another User Comments:
“How can you handle it better? They spent money they didn’t have on stuff they didn’t need and have been using you forever.
No. You’re done. They’re done. I wouldn’t even let them back in the house. I would pack their stuff and have it waiting for them. NTJ” corgihuntress
Another User Comments:
“I’m honestly amazed you put up with this for *five years* and only kicked them out after they decided to try for kids.
Your wife is an absolute saint for staying with you through this. How long have you and she had to put off your own future plans due to this freeloader? How much of your life has this dude impacted without a care in the world?
Congratulations for shining up your spine and actually standing up for yourself and your wife!” WanderingAl08
6. AITJ For Wanting To Find My Biological Parents Despite My Adoptive Mom's Objections?
“So I was adopted at birth by my parents who are both amazing. I was told I was adopted when I was a toddler but didn’t start really thinking deeply about it till I was ten. When I did ask questions my mom would get really sad and it made me feel horrible to bring it up so I didn’t.
I always dreamed of who my birth mom was. I had no idea the first thing of her so I made a thousand versions in my mind. It made me feel guilty since I didn’t want my parents to feel like I didn’t love them since I constantly thought about her so I pushed it to the back of my mind until high school.
There I met another adopted person and he had a completely different upbringing than me in terms of adoption. He had an open one meaning he was in contact with his birth parents every few years or so and and knows everything about both sides of him.
When I told him how I had to keep my adoption under wraps since bringing it up hurt my birth parents, he taught me that my adoption is my story not theirs, and that my feelings matter and recommended me lots of books about adoption.
There I learned the separation between bio mom and child is trauma and it’s normal for an adoptee to seek their roots. That’s when I decided to start being more open about wanting to find my birth mom.
I’m now 18 and took a 23 and Me a few months ago and found a first cousin on my paternal side.
He’s putting me in contact with his grandma since he has a lot of uncles and a few are deceased so she would know more. Hopefully, I can find my bio dad and he can lead me to my bio mom.
I brought up this update to my mom and she started crying saying didn’t I feel like I was her child and that she’s my mom and I said of course I do but that doesn’t change the fact that I want to know my roots and I have feelings and memories and trauma, that’s all-natural when separated from your mother.
For days she kept berating me asking why I wanted to find my birth mom and even sending my little sisters to ask me if I feel like I’m not their real sister. Only my dad supports me wanting to find my bio parents because he read the adoption books I bought and understands its not because I don’t feel like their real daughter.
I finally decided to write a letter to my mom stating that I love her but I NEED to know who my bio parents are and that it will bring me peace since I have zero answers and gave it to her. I heard her scream and bawling and later my aunt called me saying writing a letter is too permanent and evil and I should have just told her in person instead of giving her in writing that I basically don’t see her as my real mom.
AITJ??”
Another User Comments:
“As an adoptive parent, absolutely NTJ. Your mother is being selfish and manipulative. Any adoptive parent who has done the slightest bit of research knows that their child may have an interest in getting to know their bio family and that it’s healthy and normal. If you’re not prepared to put your child’s needs above your own feelings, you shouldn’t be a parent, and that means if you’re not OK with your child having a connection with their bio family you shouldn’t adopt.
Her attitude towards it will push you away more than meeting your biological family ever will.” Outrageously_Penguin
Another User Comments:
“Strong NTJ. If you wish to find your bio mom, that’s your choice. Like you said, this is YOUR adoption story, not your moms. In my opinion, any adopted individual who wishes to find out more about their bio family, and/or meet them, they should be able to, especially as an adult.
A word of caution – there is a possibility she is trying to “protect” you. It’s possible bio family did not treat you well. I feel icky bringing that up, and I’m not necessarily getting the impression that this is why your mom doesn’t want you to reach out, but I felt remiss to not say it.
You want peace of mind and you want answers. I’m sorry your mom isn’t willing to help you or understand your journey.” Aggravated_Pineapple
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Writing is not evil. She did not listen and/or accept your verbal explanations.
You wrote to her out of love. You have been transparent and can hold your head high as you continue to love your current family as you move closer to your genetic family. Your mom’s reaction seems deep and personal…there is more to her story because she thinks your acts cancel her or your adoptive family; the only family you have known.
I’m suggesting this so you remain curious what is in her history and/or opinion about adoption that would bring about this strong emotion. Perhaps your dad knows. Best to you and please prepare yourself for the range of emotions new contacts may cause in you.” DesertSong-LaLa
5. AITJ For Not Wanting To Meet With My Ex And His Wife For The Sake Of Our Daughter?
“4 years ago, the father of my child and fiancé (let’s call him F) left me for a married woman(let’s call her M) he met at work. I was devastated, as I truly wanted to form a life with that man.
I just had a miscarriage a month prior to a baby that we both wanted. I had reached my lowest point. Not only was I grieving my child but also our relationship, finding out my mother has cancer, and other things I cannot mention happened to me.
That was the worst year of my life. Now, I’m in a better place mentally and working on getting better emotionally. I still cry from time to time, and I haven’t been able to have a functional relationship with anyone since.
M made F stop seeing our daughter for almost a year because he had to see me at the exchange point, and then suddenly, he wanted to be in her life again.
So, we began our custody battle. Every time we went to court, M would make F deny reaching any type of agreement, extending the case. I had a lawyer, and F did not, I think it was for me to waste as much money as possible.
M used to do the same with the father of her children and would make his life difficult. She’s done worse things that this site will not let me post.
I only deal with my ex and try to have an amicable relationship for my daughter’s sake.
We currently have a custody agreement that doesn’t work for either of us due to a change of schedule since it was made. We both agreed to work on a different agreement without going to court to waste time and money. The other day F offered to take our daughter a day early because he knew I was busy preparing for my sister’s wedding but, the only way he would do such a favor (that I never asked for) was if we both sat down with our respective partners to have a talk about my relationship with his wife and how it’s affecting our daughter since that’s her stepmother.
I refused to go as I had nothing to say to them. All I’ve told my daughter is that I don’t like it when she talks to me about them and to please stop. She kept asking and asking why, so I told her that they made me sad.
Apparently, that was a big deal, but I didn’t know what else to tell my toddler and am sick of reliving the emotions every time she mentions them. I know it wasn’t the right thing to tell her, but in the moment, it’s what came out.
If I go to that meeting, it’s going to affect me mentally and emotionally. I am not willing to go back into that deep depression just because he wants to when we are finally getting on better terms to where we could at least co-parent without fighting.
Now, he told me that since I won’t cooperate with him and his wife, then we can go back to what the initial agreement says even if it’s not functional. AITJ for not wanting to meet up with them?
Just wanted to clarify a few things and thank everyone for their advice and support.
I have encouraged my daughter to tell me if anything bad happens to her when she’s with them and she does tell me, but I don’t want to know anything more than that. I have no interest in hearing about their personal life, which was what she was telling me before.
She is very vocal when something is wrong, and when I confront them about it, they get defensive and turn the tables on me. I know if I sit down with them, it’ll turn into an argument, and nothing will be fixed. Every time F doesn’t get what he wants, he comes back at me and makes my life difficult.
Now, we’re going back to court to modify the agreement. I know that this coming weekend I won’t be able to pick our daughter up at the time we have on the custody order because I will be at work and I’m sure he will make a big deal about it.
This is so stressful, and I’m sick of it. I just want and need peace in my life and to stop having to pay lawyer fees. Oh and to top it all off he hasn’t paid child support this month so I’m also short on money that he doesn’t care about but he’s making me go out of my way to pay for the lawyer purely out of spite.
Father of the year!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not meeting with the ex and his wife, but PLEASE stop trying to police what or who your TODDLER can talk to you about. That’s SO SO not fair to her. She needs to be allowed to talk to you about ANYTHING at this age.
She cannot understand hurtful in context of your relationship with your ex’s wife. All she knows is Mommy is sad about something SHE is saying. That’s so unfair. Please don’t do that to her at this age.” NorthernLitUp
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: BUT you cannot stop your toddler from talking about the wife of her father.
They will have contact. And you telling her to stop talking about her and that it makes you sad is… really really heavy. This can affect everything. How the child interacts with the father, with you and the wife. And she probably has no way to process this.
Don’t put your problems on your child. The wife will see your daughter often. She should have a good relationship with her otherwise everyone is miserable.” Both-Fudge1866
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I hope you’re aware that teaching your toddler not to come to you regarding anything with F and M, you could easily miss if they mistreat her or feed her lies about you.
I understand why you don’t want to hear anything about it, I really feel for you but please keep this in mind.” Sea_Garden_6867
4. AITJ For No Longer Wanting To Listen To My Sister's Relationship Problems?
“For context, my sister, who I will refer to as Ella, has been in a 4-year marriage with her husband, who I will refer to as Matt. Over the years, their relationship has just been deteriorating for various reasons which I will not get into.
These problems began early on and took a big toll on her and her mental health. Of course, I was supportive and helped her through her problems at first.
I recommended she talk to him to get to the root of the problems and change their actions accordingly or even try couples therapy.
You know the usual stuff you say to someone who is struggling in their relationship. At some point, it became a regular occurrence (3+ times a week minimum) for her to come over to our house (referring to the house she and I grew up in) with her kids and either complain or cry her eyes out about wow “the argument of the day”.
Anyway, things got really bad. One time, she piled all her stuff along with the kids to our house and screamed that she was going to divorce Matt. At first, I was like alright but then this proceeded to happen again… 3 more times. Following these occurrences, we would get into deep talks about her relationship with Matt and I gesture her to give divorce some serious consideration.
The worst part, one time she got mad at me?!
I was so incredibly upset. How is she going to have the nerve to get mad at me? Especially when I’m the only one in the family who listened to her problems over the years, gave her advice on how to mend their relationship, and was the only one brave enough to call her out in front of her face about how delusional she seriously is.
The fact is I’m over her.
She will not divorce him in the name of “love” (she really means attachment smh) despite how this is negatively affecting her and worse of all will and is currently affecting the kids they have. Ever since then, whenever she talks about her relationship I just don’t care anymore.
I don’t want to hear “the argument of the day”. I usually just half-listen and reply extremely drily. I know she can tell that I don’t care because now she goes to my other siblings to talk about her relationship problems even though she and I have always been super close growing up.
I don’t want to help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves. Clearly, she complains enough to know how unhappy she is and that her relationship with Matt is going nowhere but in flames. If she wants to stay she can stay and sabotage herself until she can’t handle it anymore.
In the meantime, I’m going to try to blind my nieces and nephews from their parent’s toxic relationship. If she somehow has some life-changing realization that maybe she should get out at the age of 50 all I can say is… I was right.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It seems like you have done everything you can over the years, and she won’t/doesn’t want to listen. Maybe your other siblings will say the same. Soon enough, she will realize all she is doing is isolating herself from everyone by doing this.” Hot_Win_6062
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s not trying to leave, so there’s nothing for you to help with. If she was genuinely leaving, of course, be there for her. But you have every right to shut down the constant complaining. I had a friend who similarly complained, and finally told her that she’s reached her lifetime max for complaining about [topic].
We can still talk, but not about that. This boundary was very helpful.” HighlyImprobable42
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Abusive relationships don’t just hurt the mistreatment. It hurts everyone in the situation. You cannot keep setting yourself on fire to keep her warm. She can’t keep trauma dumping on y’all and expect the support in reality.
She’s also not in reality. Others might get mad, but it’s okay to step back. Be there to help when she actually makes moves to leave or the situation gets better. Otherwise… It’s not your marriage. Your mental health is key. Cannot help her if you’re not okay.
You can help when she really wants it though And she isn’t self-sabotaging. Domestic violence is a beast. It’s akin really to addiction. You cannot help them until they actually want it. You can pull back, be on the peripheral, and make sure you try to keep in touch… But you can pull away.
It’s okay to.” After_Kangaroo_
3. AITJ For Not Wanting To Watch My Partner Do Homework?
“Repost because I can’t read the rules. My (24M) partner (26F) and I are both currently working and going to school.
She works about 18ish hours and attends about 12 hours of school a week and I work 32 hours and attend about 12 hours of school per week as well when my semester is in session. Her school is year-round as she is in a special program and I am on the semester system and have the summer off.
When we are both in session we have similar amounts of homework but our process for completing it is vastly different. I prefer to sit quietly and crank out everything I have on a schedule, on Monday I’ll do all my work for one class, Tuesday for another class, etc. and by the weekend I am typically done with all my work which allows me time to relax.
My partner, however, tends to leave things alone for a little longer and let the stress of a deadline motivate her to get it done. This does not always lead to the most stress-free environment at home.
She likes having the TV on as a distraction which is totally fine, but likes to watch her shows which are okay, but not my favorite.
I always offer help with her homework if I am done with mine and most of the time she says no, but wants me to sit next to her. Most of the time she wants me to watch the shows she has on, we normally watch TV together at night, shows we are both invested in, but when she’s doing homework she wants shows that she has already seen that I don’t totally want to watch because I have either already seen them or just don’t find them interesting.
My partner complains that I’m not paying attention to her when I go on my phone, and she hates the shows that I like to watch so I can’t turn anything else on. She wants me to sit next to her and essentially watch her do homework.
I finally broke down and told her that doesn’t work for me, because the last thing I want to do after working the whole week is sit and watch her do homework. I don’t mind helping where I can but when she is just taking quizzes or listening to lectures there isn’t anything I can help with.
This did not sit very well with her and she accused me of being a bad partner not wanting to help her and not supporting her. Additionally, she accused me of not caring about her or our relationship because I tend to make plans or play video games on the weekends after I have finished all my work, prioritizing my own wants over her needs.
She has brought these issues up to her parents and her family agrees with her that I should be more supportive while she is working, but all of my friends and family that I have confided in support my side. I suspect part of it is also because she’s jealous when I’m done with my work and can do what I want and make plans with friends.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’m sorry but that’s ridiculous. She wants you to just sit quietly and watch her do homework?? And you’re not allowed to watch shows you like while she does it because she wants her shows on as background noise?
She can’t have it both ways and seems incredibly selfish for her to expect that of you. There has to be a compromise somewhere like you watch your show while she works a couple times a week. Or she could do her work while you’re at work (this is the most obvious solution tbh)” sunnydays0306
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So she not only wants you to patiently wait alongside her while she does her homework, giving her your undivided attention, but you also can’t even pick what’s on the television? That makes zero sense to me. I would have a talk with her about prioritizing her own responsibilities and allowing you to enjoy your downtime how you choose.” spicykitty_x
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I double-checked and, nope, she’s not a FIVE-year-old needing help with her homework. This is ridiculous. She really thinks you should just sit there and be “supportive” while she does homework. No way. I’d be doing whatever else I wanted to do.
She needs to try acting like the adult she is.” SatelliteBeach123
2. AITJ For Insisting My Wife Throw Away Overpowering Scented Soaps?
“Alright this one is probably going to sound really basic, but here we go: AITJ for being too controlling and forcing my wife to ziplock scented soaps she loves.
On one of our trips to Europe, my (36F) wife (37F) bought some of those tiny scented soaps from a fancy perfume shop.
When we returned to the US, she started placing them throughout our dresser. (For context, it’s one of those cheap IKEA wooden dressers where each side has 3 drawers. She uses the left drawers for her clothes, and I use the right drawers for mine.)
Turns out these things are POTENT.
They smell incredibly strong and I find them way too powerful. I asked her to remove them from the drawers since I found them really bothersome. She did. But she didn’t remove them from her side of the dresser. So some of her clothes are completely imbibed with this odor.
Some of her t-shirts, and her favorite yoga pants smell so strong I can’t smell anything BUT this thing if I’m in the same room.
It’s now been months that I regularly, but gently (sometimes jokingly), comment on it. I’d say “I’m sorry honey but this is so strong, it’s super distracting” whenever she wears the affected clothes.
At times she’d reach out for a kiss wearing those pants and I’d kiss her but gently move away to comment on that. Also, whenever I pick up my clothes to get dressed, I still smell this odor, even though I use my drawers.
Today we got into a big fight over it: She refuses to throw those things away arguing that since she’s placed them back into their boxes (just a tiny paper/cardboard box), I should be fine with it.
She says I’m too anal, too rigid, and that I shouldn’t insist on this.
She eventually said “I’ll move them somewhere else where you won’t smell them just to shut you up”. I replied: “Where?” She said: “It’s none of your business.” I said I wanted to know if it’d stink up yet another spot in the house.
She said she’d just put them in Ziplock bags and it shouldn’t matter to me. I asked if she planned on using them again in the future. She said “Obviously not since you won’t let me”. And I then asked why she’d keep them at all instead of throwing them away then — it’s not like they’re expensive items. “Just because I think you’re being a jerk, and out of principle.
I just think they’re great.”
AITJ for insisting that she needs to throw these things away?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. She should have removed them from the dresser once she realized the smell still bothered you. You should have stopped hounding her once she said she was putting them in Ziplocs.
I can’t say I blame her for being feisty when you won’t stop whining and complaining even after you get your way until you get to completely dominate her with 100% compliance over the last insignificant detail. The soap wasn’t going to bother you in the Ziploc, you just wanted to go at her until you “won”.
Well, you win being a jerk.” NotThisAgain234
Another User Comments:
“NTJ (except for the whole “throwing away” thing). Scents can be powerful in a positive way for some, but negative in others. My mother becomes ill (headaches, breathing problems, etc,.) due to scented candles, perfumes, etc. It must be hereditary because I have similar, but lesser issues (walking into Bath and Body Works or Yankee Candle is torturous.) I have problems with overly scented pump soaps when I use them.
Strong scents can be very invasive. Most people don’t want to deal with dudes soaked in Axe body spray or people with heavy perfume. The soaps you describe can be just as bad. I understand why you want them completely gone, but out of scent, out of mind.” LeBaron93
Another User Comments:
“NTJ people with sensitive noses can get migraines, feel sick etc from overwhelming scents. I should note, in my relationship, I’m NOT the one with a sensitive nose. My partner is super sensitive and I’ve definitely bought candles that were too strong from him.
Growing up my mom was the super sensitive one and couldn’t handle perfume or anything with a strong scent. I let him pick the scents for the house now and it’s not that big a deal. If I were her I would have just tossed them if they were bothering my partner that badly and no my partner isn’t a controlling person and nope I’m not a push over( or even close) … it’s just compromise and it’s not that hard.” Standard-Edge2011
1. AITJ For Sending My Aunt Her Own Criticism Letter About Her Treatment Of Our Grandma?
“My aunt and I have never had a close relationship. For my entire life, she’s lived in another state only visiting on some holidays. In 2012 my brother was getting into trouble at school and she wrote a letter to him explaining that she can’t trust him now and that he is a disgrace to his family.
My aunt is married but never had kids of her own so my parents were angry but eventually they let it go. We’ve always been one to forgive family, regardless of what is done. After she wrote that letter to my brother, one of my cousins would get a letter every year, usually around Christmas, and would tell them all the things they were doing wrong.
About 6 months ago my grandma was diagnosed with the beginning stages of Alzheimer’s. Within 2 weeks of her diagnosis, my aunt decided that my grandma could no longer live alone and stated that she didn’t know how to do things. Granted, once the disease progresses this is very possible but for now that’s simply not true.
We would visit my grandma every Sunday and spend the whole afternoon there. My aunt only visited her once when she decided that my grandma couldn’t live alone and came here, sold my grandma’s house, and moved my grandma to their small town in New Mexico. She did this without the rest of the family agreeing and we only found out after my grandma’s house was packed up and already on the market.
Now to the letter. I’ve tried multiple times to talk to my aunt about this and the way that she has been treating my grandma in the past months. They’re making her pay $600 a month in rent, they don’t allow her to cook for herself and she almost never leaves the house.
I went down and visited my grandma a month or two ago and saw all these things for myself. I’ve bit my tongue and not gotten too angry but the fact that we can’t even have a civil conversation about it is a clear problem in my mind.
My aunt is the type of person who turns any argument into a personal attack and brushes off concerns. I found the letter she wrote to my brother a week ago and reading through it, there are a lot of comments about respecting your family and trust. Quite a bit of it applies to this situation, so I copied the letter, rewrote a couple of parts to make them fit better to this specific situation, and sent it.
I’d say 90% of it was still her own words. I’m not sure if she realized that but I got a call from her on the day I assume she got a letter and she was livid. I didn’t interrupt and heard her out, but I didn’t apologize.
She called my dad and told him to “control his daughter”. He was upset with me for causing drama in the family and I’ve had other family members reach out as well telling me what I did was uncalled for. I knew my family would get somewhat angry because of this but the extent they have surprised me a bit.
Am I in the wrong here?”
Another User Comments:
“mmm NTJ, I think she wants to dish it out but can’t take it. She should’ve told your family that she was moving your grandma out. And then forcing her to move out and make her pay rent?
Wild to me. And I think it’s ridiculous that she thinks that she can call people out for “not respecting the family” and does the same. It kind of comes across as a bit narcissistic to me. Sending letters to tell people all the things they’re doing wrong.
And not being able to take criticism. And then telling your dad to “control her daughter” but not reflecting on how her actions were inconsiderate. Just a double standard for herself vs others in the family. Maybe the way u went about it was petty, and caused more drama.
And maybe should’ve had the convo in person, but if she’s difficult to talk to I understand that as well. But overall I think she had it coming lol. And it’s kind of funny that in these situations now ur the issue for calling out but she’s not for her behavior.” StraightDriver1613
Another User Comments:
“LOL. NTJ at all. Have you considered photocopying both letters (hers to your brother, and yours to her) and sending a group text to all the family members giving you a hard time? You could include a note that you understand some believe you’re “causing drama in the family,” but you just are continuing the tradition started by your aunt.
You know, the lady who kidnapped your grandmother. ” XtineMC
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It seems like you were more concerned about putting your aunt in her place by making her eat her own words than the actual welfare of your grandmother. Pretty petty. If you have serious concerns about your grandmother’s welfare, there are better ways of going about getting her the resources she needs instead of causing family drama.
If your aunt is as awful as you say, you possibly isolated your grandmother even more with this stunt.” quitcute5264
