People Behave Horribly In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
23. AITJ For Refusing To Attend My Sister's Wedding After She Disrespected My Identity And Relationship?
“I (22M) am ftm transgender. My sister (24F) is getting married in early 2025, and she asked me to be her maid of honor. Of course, at the moment, I said yes, and have been calling myself several different versions of this over the past few months (for example, bro of honor, dude of honor, etc).
For backstory, I came out as transgender in my early teens but have only started transitioning from the age of 18 to the present day. She’s never really seen me as anything other than her sister, and I’ve respected that, as I have with most of my family because I know it can be tough to adjust to something like that.
Although, out of all the family members I have, she’s never even attempted to call me by the new name or refer to me as her brother.
Originally, when I spoke to her, I asked her two things; if I was okay to bring a plus one (my partner) and if it was alright for me to wear a suit.
She said yes to both of these things.
Over time, these things have changed. At first, it was that she wanted me to wear a dress so I “didn’t stand out from the rest of the bridesmaids” and she “didn’t want me outdoing her fiancé with my suit”.
I have no issue wearing a dress, even though it would make me uncomfortable because I didn’t want to disappoint her or ruin her day. I offered to wear it for the ceremony, and then I could change into a suit or smart casual for the rest of the wedding so that I would be more comfortable.
Then she told me about a month or so ago that she wasn’t sure if she wanted my partner there because she had never met her, even though I had offered to bring my partner to meet her months before the wedding. (My partner lives abroad, so when she last visited I had offered to take her and myself to see my sister, but my sister never responded to my message, and I don’t drive, so I never went.)
I realized that I’d been saying yes to her to keep her happy, but not being able to bring my partner tipped me over the edge. I was already going to be uncomfortable around family I didn’t like, in an outfit I’d hate, so I wanted someone with me to keep me grounded.
I ended up telling her that I realized I didn’t fit her idea of what she wanted in her wedding, and that I felt as if I shouldn’t attend, even though I wanted to because it wouldn’t be her perfect day if I was included. I think I was a jerk for telling her this about half a year before the wedding, but I just blew up and essentially told her I wasn’t coming if I couldn’t have my partner with me.
I tried to explain to her that I’ve said yes to things because I want to keep her happy, but now she’s being rude to me and refusing to even attempt to make conversation.
She ended up calling me a spoiled brat and that our mum had coddled me into thinking I could demand things of her.
Her fiancé chimed in saying that me telling her that I didn’t think I was going to go was blackmail, even though I made it clear I had no intention of blackmailing anyone.
I probably should’ve been nicer about the way I responded or just been straight up with her at the beginning, and I think it makes me a jerk for not saying anything straight away.
AITJ for telling her I didn’t think I could be there anymore because of this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it doesn’t sound like YOU were ever invited to this wedding and unintentionally accepted on behalf of an alt sibling she made up in her head (one who is female, single, spoiled, and who knows what else), I sincerely hope her imaginary sister enjoys the wedding.
I suggest you guard your peace, and let her worry about her happiness.” PanPolyHexenbiest
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You made your conditions very clear and she disrespected them. If she wants you there she can stop being an idiot and make space for her brother.
If she doesn’t want her brother to her wedding that’s her choice. But she doesn’t get to blame you for her transphobia.” tensa_prod
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – sounds like you’ve been willing to go the extra mile and not center yourself to accommodate your sister.
Unfortunately, your sister is being incredibly disrespectful and callous when she should be appreciative and gracious. Sure, you should have drawn the line sooner, but enough is enough. *You* aren’t the spoiled brat in this situation.” Proof_Option1386
22. AITJ For Refusing To Share My Clothes With My New Roommate?
“I (19f) recently moved into my dorm at university and I have a roommate “Maya.” She and I have gotten along well until our recent conflict.
She’s asked me if she can wear my clothes as we’re the same size and have similar aesthetics. I tried to politely decline at first but recently she has been pressing on about it and saying that sharing clothes is an experience of “girlhood” and that I’m missing out on it or something like that.
There are several reasons why I don’t want to share my clothes with her.
I’ve had multiple bad experiences with sharing my things with people, so I’m usually reluctant to share my stuff even with my closest friends, let alone someone I met two weeks ago.
Also, I’m not in a financial situation where I can easily replace my clothes if they get soiled, damaged, etc. I’m not saying that she’s not trustworthy or anything, but I’d still like to be cautious since again I met her two weeks ago and don’t know much about her habits yet.
(embarrassing but) I have sensitive skin that is prone to issues when in contact with unclean areas, and I’m definitely not trying to imply that she’s dirty or anything, but I honestly don’t want to take that risk.
Maya has kept on pressing me and saying that it’s normal for roommates to share clothes and she doesn’t understand why I’m so reluctant to do so.
I’ve tried explaining these reasons so many times to her already but it doesn’t seem like she’s listening to me. I’m starting to feel bad, especially since I might have come across as rude after a while. For example, she asked me again yesterday and I admit I kinda snapped and I raised my voice at her.
I said “Stop bothering me, I’ve told you so many times I don’t want to share my clothes with you and that’s that” in a rude tone. She hasn’t spoken to me since. I feel really bad that I snapped like this but also I’ve been trying to tell her this for so long and I don’t know how else to get it in her head that I don’t want to share my clothes.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ in the slightest. I would say in general that other people aren’t entitled to your possessions, even temporarily unless there’s some kind of emergency. There might be some exceptions (like I’d let my roommate use my broom for cleaning the apartment), but for something like clothes which people tend to forget about/steal unintentionally, you don’t need to feel bad for saying no.” Striking_Ad_5925
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – she’s making up nonsense to pressure you into giving her your clothes. I might share outfits with close friends, but the idea of sharing with someone I barely know…at university… not! ” Aggravating-Thanks80
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her asking once was fine, as asking to borrow something is, but she needed to accept your ‘no’.
You don’t owe her reasons for not wanting to let her use *your things*. Sharing clothes is very personal, and it’s more than reasonable not to do so. She became the jerk for not letting it go. She has no right to your clothes, and you don’t want hers.
Sorry, you have a pushy roommate. If she becomes intolerable, discuss it with your RA and see if roommate swapping is possible. (And she’s wrong that it’s ‘normal for roommates to share clothes’. It’s much *more* ‘normal’ for them not to!)” Tangerine_Bouquet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You have zero reason to feel badly about telling her to ‘stop bothering you’ because you said no and then although not necessary, you even explained why and she’s not respecting your answer. This ‘girlhood experience’ – yeah, that sounds made up, to be honest – sharing clothing with a stranger.
Tell her you’re more into the ‘womanhood experience’ where everyone acts like a grownup. Her not speaking to you may be a good thing! If she persists, tell her you’re going to request a room change for badgering about sharing clothing. Maya is a jerk.” yesnomaybe123
21. AITJ For Opening My Aunt's Handmade Gift Without Her Presence?
“This happened a couple of years ago (2022) but has recently resurfaced. I (18 F) and my brother (13 M) had a joint High school and Middle school grad party. I was going off to college in Iowa. Which was not too far from home, but far enough to not be around anymore.
So my mom invites S to come. S was like a sister to my mom, my mom was an only child so I called S my aunt. S came and she brought me and my brother both gifts. We of course said thank you and put it on the gift table.
We were going to open the gifts at home. S comes up to us and asks if we could open her gift. We politely told her we would wait until we got home, we didn’t want attention on the gifts. She understood and said she wanted to see us open the gifts.
This normally isn’t a problem because she lives down the street from our house. Well, when we got home we tried calling S multiple times, and no response. I was leaving the next day for summer camp at college and wanted to open my gifts.
I asked my mom what we should do and she said to send S a video of us opening our gifts, so we did. She handmade blankets with our names on them.
They were sewn and decently sized. As a crafter myself, I can understand and appreciate the time and effort these took.
The next day I left for summer camp and hadn’t heard from S. I came home a week later and my mom told me S came marching into our house and screamed at my brother for not waiting to open her gift. She called us both ungrateful and my dad had to force her out of our house.
My mom was very upset and my brother was hurt by her actions. My mom tried going over there and talking to her but she told my mom we were ungrateful jerks who didn’t deserve handmade gifts. My mom explained that we tried getting ahold of her but she didn’t respond.
S then yelled at my mom and told her how awful of a mother she was. I was shocked and mad at S for the way she treated my family. I told my mom she didn’t deserve that and none of this is her fault.
S has a daughter who is a few years younger than me whom I’ve always considered to be my cousin. Me and my cousin still stayed in contact when I was in college, but I didn’t talk to S at all. S tried reaching out to apologize once and I told her I did not accept her apology.
She doesn’t have the right to treat my mom and brother like that over not being able to watch us open our gifts in person. A year later, I asked my cousin to have lunch with me while I was home from school. She then told me that her mom said she was no longer allowed to talk to me and that she would be grounded if she did.
That was my last straw and reached out to my aunt. I told her that her behavior was unacceptable and she could not tell my cousin that she couldn’t talk to me about this stupid situation. My aunt then blocked me on everything and told me to never call her again.
Recently I ran into my aunt in town and she flipped me off. I was bothered by it because I felt like I should’ve just waited until I got home from summer camp. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ This woman’s behavior is honestly concerning.
Have there ever been incidents in the past where she behaved anywhere remotely like this, or is it coming out of nowhere? If it’s the latter, I would sincerely advise her to see a doctor. There might be something going on causing such outbursts.” SnarkySheep
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Why do you care what kind of drama that jerk S starts with your family? Just ignore her, and let your parents handle their jerk friend.” Excellent-Count4009
20. AITJ For Refusing To Initiate A Second Bridal Shower For My Future SIL?
“My future sister-in-law is marrying my eldest brother this Fall. We’ve had no issues with each other the entire span of their relationship and have become friends.
Her family is from out of state and is throwing her a bridal shower.
Her sibling reached out to me asking for me to initiate one thrown for her here in our home state. I was confused as it’s the mother’s job from what I understand to do that and typically people only have one shower.
I reached out to the older female members of the family and everyone was confused/not understanding why another shower thrown for her was necessary especially when the entirety of my family was going to be attending the destination wedding she had planned back in her home state across the country.
Since then my brother has yelled at my mother to do this for her and she acquiesced, but I, having been in the middle, have some unkind feelings towards her about the situation.
I’ve distanced myself because of that and she has lashed out at me saying that she’s hurt I didn’t do this for her, I’m not helping her with the wedding at all, etc and I tried to explain that it’s a lot to ask of people to throw her another shower who are already spending tons of money to travel to her wedding.
It seems like she’s too caught up in the wedding nonsense she has no idea how much things cost. Not to mention they live in the house with my parents.
She said that I’ve made her feel guilty about the party she has now forced us into throwing and continues to behave weirdly towards me, example: I am a bridesmaid and she decided on a color scheme.
Her directive was to pick any dress we liked as long as it adhered to that color scheme. Since then the dresses I send her always have some commentary about their low cut/backless and that ‘worries’ her. These gowns are tasteful and not overwhelming in too much skin at all, considering that she knows me and my style and has previously complimented me on my taste.
I’m feeling irritated as no other bridesmaid has gone through this with her and I’m thinking she’s being this way because of the party difficulties”
Another User Comments:
“I kind of feel for her as I don’t think it’s uncommon to have two showers under the circumstances, but she’s being rude and demanding, so NTJ.
From what you’ve said, her family is throwing her a big shower in her home state which is far away, but right now she lives in your state with your family. So presumably the “away” shower will include her extended family and people she grew up with, but she doesn’t have one where she lives now with her current friends.
It would have been nice if one of those friends offered to throw one or if you or your mom did on your initiative–but you weren’t obligated to throw her one. This is especially true if the cost of attending the wedding is already putting some financial stress on your family.
At the end of the day, she’s getting the shower she wants. To continue to throw a tantrum about it makes her a jerk.” JeepersCreepers74
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but find a modest dress. Her wedding is not about ‘your style,’ and she might well have older/religious/conservative family members she’s worried about.
I’ve been to a few weddings lately where most female guests had plunging necklines and thigh-high splits and it’s a bit much.” rubythieves
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You’re incorrect; it’s considered a bad form for mothers to host showers.
Also, it’s not unusual for people to have a shower in their hometown and then another where they currently live, especially if the two families are in two locations. That said, your future sister-in-law seems to be rather pushy about this, which isn’t polite or kind, either.” aardvarkmom
19. AITJ For Not Letting My Youngest Brother Hold My Newborn Daughter?
“For some context, my husband Peter (33 m) and I (31 f) have been married for five years. We have two kids together, Buck (4 m) and our newborn daughter Lina (3 weeks old). Since I have given birth to Lina I have had severe postpartum depression. When I had Buck it was the same, but I thought it would get easier since this is my second birth.
A few days ago my family showed up on my doorstep. There were my three brothers, my mom, my dad, and my auntie. I was very surprised since I live in Latvia and they live in Canada. I invited them in and asked why they were there.
They told me that they planned this trip as soon as they found out what day my due date was. They said that they knew how bad the last pregnancy was (it was a high-risk c-section) so they wanted to visit and help me to settle in with my new baby.
I asked to talk to my mother in another room. I told her how I was going through some pretty bad postpartum and I didn’t know if I was ready for people over. She apologized for just showing up and told me that she also thought that my postpartum wouldn’t be as bad this time.
I found out that their trip was only two nights long. I thought that I could do it, so I told her that everything was fine. We went back into the room with the rest of my family. I explained that I was having very bad postpartum.
I said how I would try my best to let them be with the baby but I couldn’t make any promises.
Soon Peter got home from work with Buck. Lina started crying so I went to the nursery to bring her downstairs with me.
People instantly were all over me and Lina, trying to get a look at her. I was very overwhelmed but Peter helped keep everyone a few feet away from me. Everyone wanted to hold her, but I told them that after dinner I might let them.
I made up a lie saying that Lina doesn’t like new people. We ate takeout for dinner and I found out that my family was going to a hotel to sleep. The rest of the night went smoothly along with most of the next day.
I even let my mom and auntie hold Lina.
Things started to get bad when my youngest brother asked to hold her but I told him that I didn’t feel comfortable with that. He then started to get angry, calling me overprotective and rude.
He said how he just wanted to hold his first niece. My two other brothers have kids too, but they only have boys. I told him that saying that wouldn’t make me any more comfortable, and if he wanted to hold her then he would either have to wait until I was ready or until the next time that they visited. The room got tense as my brother and I stared at each other.
He ended up leaving with most of my family. Only my mom and auntie stayed behind. This all happened two days ago. Everybody left my house yesterday. Now my family is split. One side says that I shouldn’t have been so harsh while the other agrees with me.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Not saying you’re the jerk, if you feel uncomfortable that is what it is. I’m just trying to understand – what was it about your brother, that he couldn’t hold the baby while your aunt could? I respect other parents’ wishes, but I’m going to be honest, if my aunt got to hold my niece and while I was forbidden to, I would feel weird about it, too.
What I will say is, that I always find it troublesome, when lots of people show up at once. A newborn is not a stuffed animal and has no fully developed immune system. It’s also a lot for someone who has just given birth and I understand you feeling overwhelmed. Despite good intentions, a group surprise visit from out of the country doesn’t seem like a very good idea.
And a 2-day-stay is not helping with postpartum, it’s rather adding stress, forcing parents to host and stray from routines.” Isinoyb
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – girls don’t innately know how to hold babies, it’s not a natural skill they possess that boys don’t.
You let other family members hold her in front of him but told him no? I’d feel insulted too. If you were worried about him holding her correctly, you could have asked him to sit down to hold her, but you say no to brothers b/c they are new parents?
Uhh, so are you by that logic? But really, why are you letting anyone who just flew internationally, possibly carrying germs, be in your space, period? I have a hard time believing they flew all that way, for 2 days, with zero notice, your story is weird & sus” Colorama
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, parents have the final say on decisions with a newborn. Although I am curious, why didn’t you want your little brother to hold her? I remember holding my first niece when I was 8. I was told to wash my hands, sit down, put a pillow under my arm, and drape a clean baby cloth.
I’m not judging the decision but curious about the rationale on why little brother couldn’t hold the baby.” channi_nisha
18. AITJ For Inviting My Nephew To My Wedding Despite My Brother's Objections?
“I (33M) am marrying my fiancé (37M) this winter. We’re putting together the guest list to send the invitations out and have run into an issue with my nephew and my brother.
My brother (38M) was 18 when his partner told him she was pregnant.
They ended up moving in together and my brother decided to go to find work as a mechanic rather than go to college as he’d planned. My nephew was born a little while later. They got married when she told him she was pregnant with their second kid (15F) and then had two more, both 10M.
Ever since my nephew was born he’s been literally one of my favourite people. I babysat him plenty of times, same with my other siblings, and have spent my twenties as their guncle and filled in that spot of being an adult but not their parent.
My brother and I were close as kids and I’ve been close with his kids as well.
Five years ago my nephew came home with a blood typing assignment for his biology class and he, his parents, and his sister all took part. The problem was that my nephew’s blood type is impossible, because my brother is o neg and my ex-SIL is A neg, and my nephew is A pos.
This turned into a whole argument and it transpired my nephew isn’t biologically my brother’s, and his ex-wife had been seeing someone else at the time and had suspected my oldest nephew wasn’t my brother’s since he was a little kid.
They ended up getting a divorce and my brother didn’t seek custody of my oldest nephew and said he didn’t want to see him. Privately he told me that he needed time to process and would try to patch things up later. That idea was kind of ruined when my nephew turned up at my brother’s apartment begging to talk.
It turned into an argument between them.
For context, our father had just passed a couple of months earlier. During the argument, my nephew said something along the lines of “No wonder mom was seeing somebody else. I bet Grandpa hated you.” My brother cut things off then and there and has refused to see my nephew since.
I stepped in as the main male figure in my nephew’s life, much as I dislike my ex-SIL (she remarried but he has no relationship with his stepdad, and his bio dad sends him a birthday card with 20 bucks and that’s it.) I even took him out for his 18^(th) birthday and took him looking at universities and he now goes to my alma mater.
Now we’re deciding on the guest list for my wedding and I asked my brother how he wants to handle the situation – his ex-wife isn’t invited, and his kids are sitting with him, so I suggested that my nephew sit with our mom and she can take him home or back to campus, whichever she’d rather do.
My brother was angry I’d even invite my nephew after everything that happened and everything he said. He said it’d be like inviting my ex-sil, “he’s not family, he’s just the jerk who disrespected our dad.”
I said he’s being petty and childish taking the words of a scared and angry 14-year-old so personally.
He was a kid who said something bad because his entire world was falling apart and the person he’d relied on for his whole life was suddenly pulling away, and instead of being understanding and doing family therapy or something like a grownup my brother decided to give adult weight to a teenager’s words and cut him off completely, and now he’s asking me to do the same.
My nephew has said he’s okay with not going if it’s causing an issue, but I told him not to be ridiculous – he’s been a part of my life for more than half of it, I stepped in for my brother as the main man in his life, he’s important to me and I want him there for when I marry my person.
I told him he shouldn’t let my brother’s inability to let go be his problem. My fiance agrees with me. My mom and sister both say I need to see it from my brother’s perspective. I think he’s just being petty. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve clearly stepped up for your nephew in ways your brother couldn’t or wouldn’t, and it sounds like he deeply values you as a guiding, stable figure in his life. Cutting someone off for a hurtful comment made in anger—especially from a teen who was clearly hurting himself—does seem harsh.
Your nephew was grappling with the double whammy of his world falling apart and losing his relationship with the only dad he’d ever known. Honestly, for you to continue supporting him and invite him to your wedding is a beautiful thing; you’re honoring a relationship that’s been important for both of you.” User
17. AITJ For Snapping At My Troubled Sister After Helping Her?
“I, f15, have a sister, f18. She’s diagnosed with BPD, is homeless, didn’t finish high school, and lives off of her partner. Our parents gave up on her since she struggles to clean up after herself and is a heavy drinker. Always comes home at 2 in the morning to create a mess in the kitchen and then sleeps until 4 pm.
She never listens to anyone, resulting in her always getting into trouble of all kinds. Her arguments only consist of words like ‘you don’t understand, I have BPD and you don’t’ or ‘our parents love you because you’re smart’.
None of our family members wanted to talk to her, and I felt bad for her, so I offered her an olive branch and tried to make up things between her and our family since she was too lazy to do it herself.
I managed to get her on slightly better terms with our father so that he’d let her stay at his house for two weeks since my sister and her partner were moving, and needed a place to stay for a short while.
It’s been a month since they moved in and the whole house is upside down.
Dirty dishes, the smell of cat feces (she also has a cat), dirty clothes everywhere, and things around the house disappear.
I talked to her about this, telling that she’s my family, and no matter what, I love her. She’s my sister and I wouldn’t trade the world for her, and she returned the favor by talking negatively behind my back.
I confronted her, saying that I understood having BPD isn’t easy, but she could do something with it. She received pills, and she doesn’t even use them. All she does is drink and complain about her ex, even spreading nasty rumors about him.
When I told her that this “lifestyle” of hers just can’t go on forever, she started crying, telling me I didn’t understand her ‘self-destructive’ behavior, and walked away.
She always does that whenever somebody gives her a proper critique, and I, on my last nerve, snapped, yelling at her to go and take some money from her partner that she had been dishonest.
Now she wouldn’t even talk to me and started to take my clothes.
What do I do?”
Another User Comments:
“As someone with BPD, NTJ. I can’t blame everything and everyone for my disorder, especially my younger siblings. Honestly, it’s best if you don’t talk to her about her lifestyle. Keep things cordial and upbeat if you can, ask about the latest game she’s played or her favorite song rn.
If her habits come up, be firm but not rude. For example, if she takes some clothes of yours here’s something you can say, stand firm, repeat it, and then walk away: ‘My clothes are being taken and you are the only one who has intent to.
I feel annoyed that I can’t find the clothes I’d like to wear. I do not want you to take my clothes. I am going to tell Dad/mom/etc that you are taking my clothes if you continue. I still love you, and if you would like to borrow my clothes, you need to ask first.’ This skill is called the DEARMAN skill and I would encourage you to look up other DBT skills not only for communicating with your sister but to help make your boundaries clear.
Another User Comments:
“Why is she allowed near you or in your home to take clothes? Lock every bit of it and get an indoor ring camera. Her BPD doesn’t determine “being smart” but her attitude determines she is lazy and mooching. If she took from me I would be tempted to call the police.
You can’t be responsible for her or else you will end up like her. I have someone like that in our family partly due to a terminal brain condition, but the rest was her doing. You tried now back off. You did try and hugs for that and you did what you could, but as someone older please walk away.
You can’t fix her. This is a total Dr Phil episode.” Ok_Statement7312
16. AITJ For Asking My Partner Not To Smoke In My Dad's House?
“Is it wrong of me to ask my partner to not smoke in my dad’s house while we’re on our trip?
For context, my partner partakes in recreational substances, and I do not, it doesn’t bother me that he does, nor does it bother him that I don’t. My dad’s house has smoke alarms in nearly every room and hallway, and they’re very sensitive.
In the past, I’ve never had a problem with him smoking in the house, but on more than one occasion, the smoke alarms have gone off (thankfully no one else was home on those occasions), and I’ve been very lenient with his habits.
The last time we were at his house, my dad had to run to the store, my brother was in his room sleeping before work, my partner was in my room (smoking), and I was in the bathroom. I had the absolute fear scared out of me when I suddenly heard the smoke alarm go off.
I ran into the kitchen and saw that the oven & stove were off, but when I walked into my room, my partner was trying to steer smoke out of the window and turn off the alarms.
I stared at him and watched him frantically try to turn off the alarms (I was too short to reach them, and at that moment I was angry so I just thought “This is a ‘you’ problem”).
When the alarms finally shut off, I told him to not do that in my dad’s house again, and he whisper-yelled “Shut up” as if someone would’ve heard me (in my mind that’s stupid because the alarms just went off and my brother and I share a wall??), and he continued to smoke in my room for the remainder of our stay, but would go to the bathroom at his parent’s house to smoke.
I don’t know how to address my concerns about this, and I honestly don’t think I’m asking too much of him by asking that he just not smoke in my room. I do not care if he goes out of the deck, to his car, or even to the bathroom, but my room is off-limits.
We’re leaving for a trip in like 3 days, and I want to find a way to mention it before we step foot in the car, hopefully without starting a fight.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, if he’s not willing to smoke outside then he’s the jerk.
I’m a smoker, I only smoke inside if it’s expressly permitted, if it’s not then I smoke outside. Because to do otherwise makes you a jerk. So you do this: Bring up that he set the smoke alarms off with inside smoking before so you don’t want him smoking inside this trip.
If he tells you to ‘shut up’ again, you tell him he’s not coming with you on the trip or any other trip in the future, then go find a man who respects you and isn’t a jerk.” NoHorseNoMustache
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s absurd to light up a joint in someone else’s home if they don’t partake and haven’t given permission.
There is NO subtle way of smoking indoors and it’s unbelievably rude and childish to do that at anyone’s house let alone your partner’s parents’ house. I say this as someone who partakes a lot more than I should. He needs to go outside, this shouldn’t even be a discussion.” well_actuallE
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ, your partner is though. How much of an inconsiderate jerk do you need to be to think it’s ok to smoke in someone else’s home without explicit permission? The bigger question is why are you with someone who is this much of an inconsiderate jerk?” Odd-Elderberry-6137
15. AITJ For Opposing My Grandpa's Stubborn Attitude?
“I moved to the capital city of my country with my grandpa (he is here temporarily) to study at university.
I knew that my grandpa did not like when someone corrected him at all. However, we have been fighting almost every day since I came to study. I don’t want to say that I hate him. I do love him. He has been taking care of me in an unknown place for me.
Nonetheless, I cannot stand my grandpa’s preach… He cannot stand when someone opposes him. I mean AT ALL!!! He is 65 and he is kind of stressed and acts very chaotic most of the time. He is always preaching that I should be listening to him no matter what he says (to be always on the same page with him in other words).
However, I cannot be like this. I cannot just be “obedient” when he says something really stupid. Just for context, I want to give one scenario. Let’s say we were going somewhere, and we got lost. I say “That is the way. We should be going that way”.
His immediate response will be “I know better than you, do not teach me”. On top of that, he always repeats one thing for a long time, and that annoys me. He does this not only to me but to anyone. He gets upset so fast when someone corrects him… I mean I consider him a narrow-minded person.
Moreover, my dad agrees with him and says that I am so “selfish” that I disrespect my grandpa… I think this is a cultural thing (or at least runs in my family). I cannot even express my opinion clearly. If my opinion is not liked by my grandpa, then he either will get upset like a little child or just will repeat his golden line: “You are not obedient!!!”.
I do not have the same mindset as they do.
Do you think I am a bad grandson/son for opposing my grandpa/dad? And how can I tolerate it? I am not a child anymore who is going to listen to them all the time.
I am almost 18.”
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk. I have some similar family members (though I don’t live with them anymore). My dad is 65 and he thinks he knows best but not to that extent. But many times when he says something I don’t agree with it I just don’t care.
Unless it’s something that bothers me. I wouldn’t argue with him if he was 75+ because then they’re kind of old and I think they might get respect even if they might not deserve it all the time.” SandPanda92
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your grandfather is a prideful control freak, who would rather remain lost than admit someone knows better than he does.
I’d leave him to find his way back. Someone here said pick your battles, but that’s only if you want to maintain a relationship. I don’t know why you would want that. He sounds insufferable, and your father isn’t far behind!” WEM-2022
14. AITJ For Refusing To Be The Family Errand Boy For My Overseas Mom?
“I (31M) recently told my Mom who lives overseas to stop asking me for every little thing our family needs.
Some of my family lives in my area, but most of it lives overseas.
Whenever somebody needs something, my mother always asks me (even if it has nothing to do with me) because I’m the most functional one. My wife and I recently had a baby and our time and energy are essentially non-existent. On top of that, I work full-time.
Whenever I say “no”, she tries to guilt trip me. I, on the other hand, never ask anything from anyone in my family.
Lately, she asked me to call the police on behalf of my brother who was vacationing in China to report a friend of his who parked my brother’s car in a restricted area.
I told her my brother should call himself and she said it was rude of me because long-distance calls are expensive. I initially said no, but she kept telling me to do it until I did.
A few weeks ago, she asked me to go fetch a bunch of dolls my adult cousin wanted to throw away because she was moving overseas.
She told me the dolls were made by my grandmother and that my cousin’s mom would be sad if they ended up in the trash. I told her I didn’t want these dolls and she told me my brother would take them (I later talked to my brother and he told me he didn’t want them either).
I told her I’d go but the day after because my schedule was pretty full on that day. She then called me to tell me she’d prefer I go today. Finally, I told her no, I wouldn’t go today and I was sick and tired of just being the go-to for every little request and that I had my problems to deal with.
She told me not to go and coldly said “I won’t ever ask anything from you then”. I ended up going the next day and sure enough those darn things are still sitting in my closet and nobody is claiming them.
AITJ for not wanting to help my family out?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I do suggest that you say the word no, and then don’t. End the conversation after that. If she tries to guilt you, make an excuse to get off the phone and hang up. Eventually, she will get the hint and stop asking.
You are not the family gofer. Why couldn’t she call the police for your brother? Your answer won’t change my vote, I am just curious?” Chilling_Storm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You shouldn’t be the default family errand boy unless you volunteer to be.
Every time you do the errand it enables her to keep asking. The more you put your foot down you’ll stop getting asked. Guilt trips only work if you let them. Congrats on the baby, focus on that instead :)” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
But this is ultimately your fault. No is a complete sentence. Either start using it or stop complaining that your mom walks all over you. She’s in another country, she can’t make you do anything, you’re not a little boy anymore. Ignore her phone calls.
Ignore the texts. Stop engaging with her when you’ve told her no. Stop giving in. Because you’ve created this narrative where if she asks, you say no, she guilts a little, you give in and do what she demanded.” Admirable_Diver_8456
13. AITJ For Telling My Mom To Leave After She Acted Cold Towards My Sister's Friend?
“I (28F) flew into town for my little sister’s baby shower this weekend. This is the first baby of all the siblings.
My sister and I have different dads and our 51 y/o mom’s divorce from her dad in 2016 was ugly. He passed away in 2022 from an accident leaving my sister devastated. About a year before his passing he met someone great who I’m going to call Jane.
They didn’t work out but stayed close friends. Jane loved my sister and flew into town too. Our mom hated Jane but had never met her. I had never met her either.
On the night I got in my mom worked until 8 pm, so, my sister, and Jane grabbed dinner.
This morning we invited our mom to get coffee and meet Jane 1:1 before the shower. She was introduced to Jane and was incredibly cold even though Jane came into the intro with a great attitude.
After the uncomfortable intro, my sister asked our mom to take a second to reset.
Our mom explained that her bad mood was because we hadn’t invited her out the night before. I pointed out that she worked late and wanted to avoid Jane as much as possible. She stated that she’d just leave the intro coffee since she “wasn’t wanted,” and this set me off as that wasn’t abnormal behavior.
Not my best moment and I feel terrible for being so curt, but I told her if she was going to act like that she could just leave. She did. She then texted us that she wouldn’t be going to the shower. She was true to her word and never came.
Tonight she texted us saying that she felt like Jane was putting a wedge between us and that she was heartbroken that no one wanted her at the shower. We’re starting to feel guilty about telling her to leave during coffee and texting her later that we were disappointed in her behavior.
She’s hurt and is calling herself our “throwaway person.” Were we out of line? Did we kick her while she was down or were we ok to call her out?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your mom is being the jerk in this situation, not you, she’s being bigoted, selfish, and dramatic.
It wasn’t Jane who made the wedge, it was her with her bad attitude and non-attendance Honestly if you had a good time with Jane then maybe she should be invited to more things and you can tell your mom she is welcome to attend if she can act mature and respectful.
It’s all on her.” Piper6728
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mum is being the jerk here. She’s made a mountain out of a molehill. She isn’t open to even being polite. She doesn’t have to like Jane, but she could at least act like an adult.
She went in with a bad attitude. You wanted your mother to be there and she’s making up stuff to make you feel bad. She needs to check herself. You probably need to have a good talk with her to find out why she feels the way she does.
I’m guessing because of the ugly divorce she’s made Jane an enemy.” Adorable-Light-8130
12. AITJ For Asking My Friend To Pay Me Back Early Despite His Financial Struggles?
“Me (M24) and my friend (M20, let’s call him Eric) have been mates for a year now, and we met through mutual friends.
I work a good job at a law firm and make a lot of money, especially for someone my age in this field. My buddy Eric is in his second year of college and works a college job at his college’s Starbucks.
He recently borrowed $200 from me because he suddenly got some bills thrown in front of him by his landlord (sketchy) relating to damage his former roommate had done before he (his roommate) had moved out.
The roommate didn’t pay and so Eric was left to pay for it. He told me he only had 300 in his bank account and the bill was 400$, he needed the extra 100 + 100 for expenses for that month because he couldn’t access his savings account due to a monthly withdrawal limit he had already gone over to pay another unexpected bill.
I happily lent him the 200; I have more than 30k in my savings and make a lot of money monthly so it would not put me in any dire situation.
Two weeks had passed and he still could not access his savings, he said, because the month had not ended yet.
He said his parents lent him 300 for the remaining two weeks of the month and that he would pay me back the moment he could access his savings. I told him okay, that’s all well and all, but that I would appreciate it if he could pay me back with the money he had lent from his parents, or maybe even just 150 out of the 200 he owed me.
You see; I don’t like withdrawing money from my savings to make it through the month and would rather have some money sent back to my main account so I don’t have to actively rip at my savings.
After I asked him this, he looked at me confused and said “Why do you need it?”.
That struck a chord with me and I told him that he’d lent the money two weeks ago and that it was only fair to pay me back, and that I was planning on spending money tonight. He asked me if the amount he borrowed was such a tear to my money, to which I told him that that shouldn’t matter; even though I have 30k in savings and 400 in my main account; I have a right to get the money that I lent to a person, even if they may need to watch what they are getting for two weeks because of it.
150 dollars for two weeks is doable.
He told me that it was kind of lame of me to ask considering he offered to pay me back in two weeks, and considering our different life stages and occupations. He felt like it was out of paranoia of him not paying me back rather than convenience.
I told him I had to go. We haven’t spoken since.
EDT: In our original agreement he told me he would pay me back as soon as it was feasible for him and I told him not to worry too much and let me know when he had the money to pay me back.
I just told him not to worry too much about it. No strict agreement, which made me think I could ask after two weeks.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ- “In our original agreement he told me he would pay me back as soon as it was feasible for him and I told him not to worry too much and let me know when he had the money to pay me back.
I just told him not to worry too much about it” His parents gave him $300 to last him the rest of the month and you thought that meant it was feasible for him to give you most of that money? This feels made up. An actual adult would know it takes more than that to get through a couple of weeks.
Plus, you have 30k in savings but only $400 in your main account but you “don’t like to take money out of savings.” Sure. Any real adult with that much income is going to have more than $400 in their checking/main account to cover bills and expenses.” MountainWeddingTog
Another User Comments:
“You brag about how much money you make and how much you have in savings and say how your friend works a low-paying job and is still in school, yet you are worried about the 200? Newsflash: You are not his friend. If you were, you would be a ton more understanding about his predicament.
But instead, you bother him about the money? YTJ YTJ YTJ YTJ YTJ YTJ YTJ” DeathStalker00007
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Stop parading the fact that you have 30k in your savings when you don’t want to access it due to your ego of “still having 30k in savings”.
What is your savings really for if not to get you by? If you have such a great awesome job where you “make a lot of money”, why is not having $200 for a few weeks such a big deal? Your “mate” is struggling, and although it isn’t your job to financially support him, you can at least have some empathy.
He’s stuck between a rock and a hard place right now. You’ve mentioned in your other comments that you were broke at 19, so wouldn’t you know what it was like and, instead of being spiteful for no reason, idk, be someone you wish was there for you during those times?” rk_55
11. AITJ For Making Fun Of My Friend's View On My Hospital Experience?
“I (18f) recently ended up in the hospital because I woke up in the middle of the night with chest pains and difficulty breathing.
I met up with my friends a few days ago, and they asked me how I was.
I told them I was feeling much better, but that I was too embarrassed to go back to that hospital (it was a joke). They asked me why I was embarrassed.
Explanation: because it was the middle of the night, I was in my PJs, which consisted of a t-shirt, pajama shorts, and no bra.
I was in so much pain I didn’t care but after the pain meds started to kick in my brain started going “huh”.
I was in various stages of undress during my hospital stay – shirt pulled up so the very nice male nurse could put those sticky things on me for an ECG, and shirt fully off and transducer pushing on my left breast so the cardiologist could do a bedside echo (he saw how uncomfortable I was and tried to make me feel better) etc. Everyone was really professional and very nice but I started feeling super self-conscious afterwards because at least 3 different men saw me without a bra on.
One of my guy friends asked me if it had been a female doctor or nurse I would’ve felt. I told him I would, but probably to a lesser extent. He then starts ranting about how that’s unfair to the male doctors and nurses who tried to help me so I shouldn’t “discriminate” like that.
He kept going on a tangent about how men in the medical field live in fear of their female patients lodging complaints against them and so on. At this point, I interrupt him and go “Are you speaking from personal experience? We’re still in school, are you some sort of secret boy genius doctor?”
The rest of the group laughs after I say that, and he gets really quiet. Later on, he texted me to say he didn’t appreciate me making fun of him when he was trying to talk about a serious topic. He hasn’t spoken to me since, so I’m wondering whether I should apologize for hurting his feelings.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He shouldn’t have made this traumatic experience of yours somehow about him and how male doctors are discriminated against. He should realize how ridiculous that is compared to what women and minorities face in the medical profession. I hope you’re feeling better—please know that everyone in the ER has seen just about EVERYTHING, and there is nothing to be self-conscious about!” emyeh64
Another User Comments:
“He is not a clown, he’s the entire circus. This type of feeling is not the type of uncomfortable when you feel someone is behaving inappropriately. Why on earth did he bring up false complaints? I used to work in a hospital, you see so much weird stuff that you become immune to it.
But, I understand feeling uncomfortable. I feel uncomfortable too sometimes even though I know no one is judging me” fancyandfab
Another User Comments:
“Many men and women feel more inclined to go to a same-gender doctor- especially for more invasive procedures. It’s normal. The older you get, however, the more you realize that you are just another body to them.
You don’t feel as vulnerable. There’s nothing wrong with asking for a same-gendered doctor when you have a choice. But also recognize that if there is no other option, and you need emergent care, it’s not a big deal. And it’s definitely within your rights to make certain a witness is in the room if you’re uncomfortable.
I’m pretty sure for liability’s sake, it’s required in many places. At 18, it’s quite understandable that you might have been uncomfortable.” Aviendha13
10. AITJ For Sharing A Story About My Sister Accidentally Taking A Lost Jacket?
“My sister (21) and I (30) (and 2 of my friends) attended an open-air concert. Late in the evening, we were sitting at a table just talking and having fun.
After a while, we noticed a jacket on the floor, that the people from the other end of the table forgot. We looked around but couldn’t find them anymore and at this point, they had been gone for a while. To be honest, I am also not entirely sure I would have recognized them since I did not pay attention to them earlier.
My sister picked up the jacket intending to give it to someone from security or a staff member before we left.
Shortly after, it started to rain heavily so we all decided to leave and go home. However, we still had to exchange our chips and get the money back… (at the beginning of the event you had to buy chips at the cash table.
The chips were then used to buy drinks and food). Since we all had around 20 €of chips left, we all wanted to exchange the remaining ones and get the money back. Due to the rain, it got pretty crowded at the cash register so it took a while before it was our turn.
Since the rain was pretty heavy, my sister used the jacket as some kind of umbrella and held it over her head. At some point, we all just forgot that we still had it and we ended up taking it home. Most of us were entirely soaked at this point.
We only noticed it after we all arrived home and unpacked our car. To be honest, I did not think much of it since it was 2.00 am and I was just tired. And truth be told. Only my sister would find a jacket to give to someone from the lost and found and then forget entirely that she even has it.
In the end, I found it quite funny since this is the kind of thing that can only happen to my sister.
The day after on Sunday, we had a small family gathering at my aunt’s. We were around 11 people including my mother.
I did not think much of it and told the story to the rest of my family.
My sister even chimed in and said how bad she felt about it. Everyone had a good laugh and said this is just so typical for my sister… My other aunt even jokingly asked if it was at least a cool jacket. (it was not.
I think it’s a man’s jacket and at least 2 sizes too big for me and her. I did not get a good look at it and was also not interested)
I have not thought about it since but tonight (2 days later) my mother called to tell me how disappointed she is that I told that story.
Now everyone must think my sister is some kind of thief and that she has raised some horrible children. Then she had it out with my sister who then called me crying because our mother told her she was a thief and a bad person for taking the jacket.
I am completely and utterly bewildered how this turned into such a big thing and I am questioning my judgment here.
So, AITJ for telling my family this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am even doubting this is a true story. Someone forgot their jacket at a festival. Your sister happened to find it and honestly forgot to give it back to lost and found.
You told the story without any ulterior motives. I don’t see anything wrong with all that. Even if your sister would have planned to keep the jacket all the time, I don’t see how that would be stealing. Chances are the person who forgot it won’t even bother to look for it since some time has passed and it was a crowded place and open air.
Unless it was an extremely expensive jacket or had an obvious sentimental value… I don’t see anything wrong with that. Your mom is the jerk since it looks like she is the one judging her daughter on something pretty innocent and then blaming it on you.” Dizzy-Potato3557
9. AITJ For Being Upset That My Aunts Picked A 'Boy' Theme For My Birthday Party Without Asking Me?
“My aunt (referred to as Aunt 1) lives in the UK and came home to visit with her husband, my other aunt (her sister, referred to as Aunt 2), and my two cousins (Aunt 2’s kids, 8M, and 11M).
They decided to throw me a kiddie-style birthday party at a fast food chain which is popular here where I’m from. I decided to roll with it since I thought it was fun and sweet of them since they don’t usually throw me parties (they don’t go home during this time of the year).
Now these kid parties have themes to choose from. Usually a “boy theme” (like cars or racing) and a “girl theme” (think princesses very stereotypical I know).
I’m (28M) gay and effeminate but my family knows since I came out to them way back and they’ve been accepting and supportive.
They’ve met my partner of five years already multiple times. Aunt 1 is more tolerant rather than accepting though if I’m being very honest. Her husband, however, has been more vocal about his homophobia before. Nothing openly hostile has happened and Aunt 1 and her husband had already met my partner on one occasion.
Well, Aunt 1 and her husband personally arranged everything for the party and asked me to invite my partner and my friends but they chose the boy theme for the party without asking me. At first, it didn’t bother me and I even joked with Aunt 1 saying something like “Awww but I wanted the princess theme” and she just laughed it off so I didn’t push anymore.
I told my mom and grandmother that it bothered me a little bit but that I’d just deal for Aunt 2 and my cousins’ sakes since they rarely come home anyway. Well, my mom and grandma (Aunt 1’s sister and mom for clarification) weren’t having any of it apparently and asked Aunt 1 why she didn’t ask me first and if it could still be changed (they did this without telling me).
Aunt 1 said they chose the theme for my 8-year-old cousin’s benefit instead. This has now resulted in Aunt 1 explaining things to me and the issue has now also reached Aunt 2 (who I love dearly and has been more supportive than Aunt 1). Now I feel bad for bringing it up at all.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You did nothing wrong. Your mom and grandma did. You may not have liked the theme, which is fine, but you also understood that the party at a fast food place with a kiddy theme may be on your birthday, but it is really for your kid’s cousins.
Should your Aunt 1 have asked you about the theme? Maybe, but it’s neither here nor there. Don’t know why mom and grandma chose to be conflict creators.” GreekAmericanDom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ This is a really weird situation, tbh. Sounds like you have taken it all pretty well in stride and you’ve tried to make peace with family members who aren’t as accepting of you as they should be.
I am pretty glad that your closer family members have your best interests at heart because you deserve that.” neuro_curious
Another User Comments:
“Everything is so weird here it’s hard to judge. Did you genuinely prefer the princess theme or were you just joking?
If you’d been asked in advance, which WOULD you have chosen? I can understand why the boy theme was chosen because it would have been weird for them to assume you want the ‘girl’ option. Gay male =/= female. This would have been a non-issue if they’d simply asked…
but I guess they didn’t because, in reality, the party wasn’t for you to begin with. At first, I thought that was just an excuse for them having already messed up but IDK, it’s just as likely to be the truth, which makes them jerks here.
I think you are NTJ and just kinda caught amid an abnormally awkward situation created by everyone around you.” owls_and_cardinals
8. AITJ For Not Wanting To Reconcile With My Abusive Ex-Stepmom?
“I (18f) met my best friend (18f) back in 7th grade. For the sake of the story let’s call her Em. At the time I was living with my dad (41m) and his ex-wife
(36f). We’ll call her T. T married my dad in 2015 when I was 9. At the time I thought she was amazing, but after they got married, she started showing her true colors. She was verbally and physically abusive towards me and my two sisters (19f and 15f).
Anyways, fast forward to now, her and my dad have been divorced for 4 years now, though they had a son (3m) together back in 2021. After they finally split, she took my brother, and my dad didn’t want to take any legal action. The solution was letting T visit with my brother every so often in his apartment.
It is no secret that I dislike T, though I don’t go out of my way to be disrespectful. Em and I lived 5 hours away from each other and I proposed she spend a month at my apartment since I’ve lived on my own almost as soon as I turned 18.
The only issue with that was that T and my brother were staying with my dad, who lived down the road from me. Em knew about my hatred towards T and was okay with that, but after about a week she started acting weird. I work a lot so she spent time with my younger sister and brother- by extension T.
She came to me a couple days ago and told me that I should have a conversation with T, since she apparently told Em that she had no clue why I was always avoiding her. Immediately, I shut that idea down. I explained that I’ve tried to have a conversation with her before, which ended up with her playing the victim card.
She said she understood my decision and it was left at that. A day or so later, I was playing with my brother, and T asked if we could talk. I quickly said “no” and went back to playing. I left shortly after because I had a cake in the oven.
Em texted me once I was home and asked why I wouldn’t give her a shot.
I explained to her about how T wasn’t a good person, and all the things she’s done to me and my family, why I dislike her and don’t want to have a relationship with her.
Em told me that it was in the past, and how I need to put in more of an effort to forgive. At this point, I was really hurt, and left to sit in my car for a few minutes as I cried. When I got back inside, I set up a pallet in my living room and was going to sleep there for the night.
Em came over and told me I was being selfish and that I needed to get along with T for the sake of my brother, to which I quickly shut down, saying that I didn’t need a relationship with my brother’s mom in order to have a relationship with him.
She kept trying to reason that I have to put up with T for my brother, to which I kept shutting down. She mentioned that she knew what broken families were like (she was adopted when she was a baby and both of her adoptive parents are together) and that I needed to make sure my brother never felt like that.
Kept pointing out that she was my stepmom- which she isn’t anymore. Eventually I stopped talking at all and she left to go stay at my dad’s. She came by today and took all of her stuff to my dad’s. I asked a close friend and she said I should’ve been a lot meaner about it and that I should have some self respect.
I have decided I’m taking her home as soon as possible since I have school and work, but my other friend says I should just let her figure out a way home. I plan on blocking Em as soon as she’s back at her house, though I feel that I might be acting a little dramatic, so Am I the Jerk?”
Another User Comment:
“It sounds like you’ve been through a lot with both your family and friendships, and this is a really complex situation. You’re definitely not the jerk for wanting to protect yourself and your boundaries, especially when it comes to someone who was abusive.
It’s understandable that you’d want to distance yourself from anyone pushing you to reconnect with someone who hurt you. It might be worth having an open conversation with Em about why you feel the way you do before cutting ties, but if you’ve tried that or if her actions feel unforgivable, then prioritizing your mental health and well-being makes sense.
It sounds like you’ve thought through this carefully—just trust your instincts on what’s best for you.” User
7. AITJ For Not Delivering Coffee To My Partner Due To Bad Weather And Heavy Workload?
“I, Michael (20M) spoke to my partner, Tess (20F) on Facetime yesterday like we always do every night. During that conversation, she asked me what time I’d get off from school at which I said I’d be done early in the afternoon. She then made a quick suggestion that I could go buy her coffee after I was done, and bring it over to her work.
I laughed and said that we’d see how things go because I still had a meeting with one of my professors after class.
Fast forward to today and class was heavier than expected. Lots of due work in a short time. After that, the meeting also lasted way longer than initially expected. After all, was done it had started raining heavily outside and I was trembling from the cold because my jacket wasn’t as wind-resistant as I’d wished. I was tired and having to travel to her work by public transport and walking in these conditions, just wasn’t something I was looking forward to doing.
So after I was done I explained everything to her and said I’d come over to bring her coffee tomorrow after school instead of today.
My decision to not go bring her coffee today ruined the whole day. She’s been annoyed at me all day and keeps using it as a sort of leverage over me by constantly saying “You didn’t bring me coffee after I told all my colleagues you were going to.” And it’s been bugging me immensely.
I feel like she does this a lot: Talk about being honest and communicating, but pestering me when it’s not to her liking. After which I eventually almost always fold and do what she wants me to do, just for the result I warned her about to happen.
At which point the whole cycle restarts of her apologizing to me and saying that next time I can just be honest.
Had I brought her coffee, drenched, tired, and cold she would’ve told me I could’ve just messaged her that I didn’t want to come and that next time I should just be honest. But when I am, she does this.
What I’m trying to ask here is, AITJ for letting this get to me?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The moment she saw the weather knowing you had to use public transportation, she should have told you to wait for another day. Stop being a coward.
Don’t do things you don’t want to do because she bullies you into it. If she harps on it, walk away. Consider how long you want to be with someone who doesn’t respect your thoughts and feelings.” Suspicious_Spite5781
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I love coffee as much as the next person but I know when the weather is bad enough to wait another day on getting coffee. Your partner should’ve been more understanding especially if it’s cold and raining. It’s not worth your health to be going out and getting coffee which if she wanted one, she could’ve gotten one herself.” RaineMist
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You never promised her that you would. You said, “We’ll see how the day goes”. If she then told all her coworkers that you were bringing her coffee (which I find weird btw), that is her fault. Did she feel the need to tell her coworkers about her coffee delivery?
Or was she just trying to make you feel bad? Your day went long, it was raining and you were cold. Why would she expect you to hop on a bus, and trek through the rain to bring her coffee? Can she not make or buy her own??
NTJ. Does she ever trek through the rain to bring you coffee??” [deleted]
6. AITJ For Telling My Sister She Needs An Exorcism?
“I’m wanting to know if I’m the jerk as I’ve been dealing with this issue for years and I’m not sure how to approach it.
For context I (18 F) and my sister (16 F) have been at each other’s throats for YEARS, we’ve never gotten along and we’re complete opposites. She’s very stubborn and narcissistic. She flips issues she’s caused and makes herself into the victim. Unfortunately, my mom has been letting her behavior slide since I could remember.
My stepdad has been in our lives since we were toddlers and our bio dad isn’t a part of our lives. He’s amazing, loving, and supportive to both of us. My sister however has had this attitude towards him because he puts his foot down when she’s being see you next Tuesday.
She constantly brings up that he’s not her real dad, makes up issues about him being unfaithful to my mom (it was confirmed not to be true), and is trying to break up my parent’s marriage. I have two younger half-siblings 7 F and 6 M, it’s been difficult on them and they’re starting to mirror my sister’s behavior.
Onto the issue, my sister came downstairs to my room while I was in the middle of playing games on my pc and began bragging about how she was trying to break them up again. My mom left her second phone at home and my sister went through their conversation, because of a fight my parents had about my sister being disrespectful and rude towards him.
He’s left for a couple of days to clear his head. I immediately yelled at my sister saying she needed a flipping exorcism if she thought that what she was doing was okay. She started yelling at me to shut up and slammed my door.
I texted my mom and told her the situation and I haven’t heard anything yet. I have no idea what to do and I’m wondering if I should’ve said something different.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…I think you are right! What you said isn’t any worse than the chaos she’s been causing.” Global-Fact7752
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The exorcism comment probably wasn’t helpful. (But I may use it on someone I know LOL.)” Both-Ad1586
5. AITJ For Cutting Off Classmates After They Pranked Me With A Fake Love Confession?
“So, about a few months ago in High School, I had this classmate who everyone would ship me with. I will call her “Carol” from now on.
I think that ships are just stupid to do in general and should only be reserved for fictional characters, not real people. Carol was also a bit of a jerk as she always picked on me in class. I always shrugged it off, but this one time struck a nerve.
There’s this bar which I always go to before (and after) school as it’s about <100 meters away from it. I went there, drank a coffee, and was heading out when I saw her and a bunch of their classmates. (who were also jerks like her) They go "Yo, (OP), Carol wants to tell you something."
I tell them “Yeah? What’s up?”, and Carol goes “I want to be your partner!”, as she and the others kept giggling and/or laughing. Of course, because I’m not an idiot, I immediately understood that it was a prank, and told them “April 1st was a few weeks ago” and walked away.
I was VERY close to telling them to get lost, but I didn’t because it’s not my style and I didn’t want to give them any kind of reaction. I never texted Carol, I never asked Carol out(or vice versa), and this hit my limit.
Never talked to Carol ever again after this, along with the other classmates who were with her at the time.
This type of prank(In my opinion) is absolute nonsense and nobody should organize one or be the victim of one. I asked others what they thought of my response and they said that I was “Too harsh” or that “They were just having fun”.
To me, that is complete bull, but I will ask all of you for an answer. AITJ for not talking to them anymore over this and storming off like I did after they pulled the prank on me?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You could see what they were doing and you called them on it.
Were you “too harsh”? I don’t think you were harsh at all, at least not with your words themselves. (As for tone… Wasn’t there, so can’t judge.) You weren’t rude. You just called them on what they were doing and walked away. And even if you were a little harsh, so what?
A little harshness in your response might be what they needed to stop and think a little the next time they try to “have fun” like that. This gets to the next point. Yes, “they were just having fun” … At your expense. They were laughing.
But they weren’t laughing with you or even near you. They were laughing *at* you. It may have been a joke to them, but it was a joke built on bullying you. If you hadn’t recognized it for what it was, they would have likely used your response as a foundation for more bullying and harassment.
As it is, your response seems to have shut that down before it could get started. This highlights another way in which your response was a good one. It sounds like she stopped picking on you after that incident. You said you stopped talking to her, yes.
But you don’t mention any backlash from her or her friends either. If you had responded in a “softer” manner than you did, the harassment might have continued. She and her friends would have still seen you as a target. Being a little “harsh” got them off your back.” hard_tyrant_dinosaur
4. AITJ For Being Upset With My Mom's Lack Of Punctuality In Driving Me To School?
“I 16f go to a school that’s a 30 min drive from my house. It’s not the school I’m zoned for (that school is a 10-minute drive) but I go there because it’s a specialty school. The problem is that I do extracurriculars at my school, namely band.
So during the marching season, my mom has to come pick me up from practice every day at 5:30. Right now the marching season is over but I have other band things that I have to stay after school for. My mom always complains about driving me and if I ever do anything wrong or complain about having to get up early she threatens to send me to my base school.
I’m always late for everything because my mom doesn’t care to go when I ask her to. Today I had a band rehearsal that I told her about a few days before. The rehearsal started at 3:00. I came and told her that we needed to leave at 2:15 but she was playing spades and said that she would call me a ride in a minute.
15 minutes passed until she called my ride and it got here at 2:40. I left without saying anything honestly because I was just worried about being late. She called me while I was on the ride and asked why I always had an attitude when she had to drive me all the time.
I genuinely forgot to say something before I left, but I was annoyed at her for making me late again. She did tell me earlier that she had a headache and she has been driving me places all week. I have to get picked up from school again all this week because I have concerts and rehearsals back to back, but my mom is mad at me and saying she’s tired.
I feel like I’m the jerk but I don’t have anyone else to drive me so I have to ask my mom. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ As a dependent, you rely on her for transportation. If she is unable to transport you without making you consistently late, then she should find another mode of transportation for you.
Moreover, your dependency is brought into harsh relief when your mother threatens to force you to switch schools when you, understandably and rightfully, express anxiety and frustration at her causing you to be late for your commitments. This is an entirely inappropriate response. To avoid taking accountability for her actions, she uses her legal control over you as both a protective shield and a disciplinary rod.
That’s manipulative and emotionally abusive. Your mother needs therapy.” phallusidol0804
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, neither is Mom. Sometimes such situations are tiring, I’m a band kid too I’ve been in the same situation. My school is 30 min away. I took 1 1-hour bus or an expensive taxi every day for a week.
You can do it on your own too, ask Mom to give you money if she can’t drive. The reason I never asked my parents is because I couldn’t trust them. My dad always threw tantrums, I’d tell him 3 days before and he’d agree. 3 days later, 40 minutes before practice he’d refuse.
Last minute stress wasn’t worth it.” guyshepherd7
3. AITJ For Refusing To Call And Complain About My Partner's Coffee?
“This morning, we ordered coffee/energy drinks through the drive-thru of a little kiosk. I got the mixer, and my drink was good. My partner got a coffee with a double shot. When they taste their drink, they cannot taste the coffee, and neither can I.
They (male 33) wanted me (female 32) to call the kiosk and ask for a refund or a free drink since they didn’t have time to go back through the line before work. The kiosk didn’t have a number, but the main store in town does.
, I’d rather let it slide and add coffee to it at work since there was no time to replace/fix it that morning. I’ve worked in food service, and not being able to fix it right away/see the issue makes it hard on the employees trying to make the customer happy.
My partner was then telling me how I was making them feel invalidated since I didn’t want to call the main store for them because when I asked if they could do it (cut out me being the middle man?), they didn’t have enough mental spoons to do it themselves.
They are under a lot of stress at work so I understand how aggravating it is to order coffee and not taste it.
Later they said they added extra coffee and still couldn’t taste it in their drink. Very odd.
At this point, I feel frustrated. On one hand, I feel bad for making them feel invalidated because I wasn’t trying to do that, but just knowing how little could be done.
On the other hand, I’m frustrated any time they have an issue with something, they want me to be the one to call and complain (whereas I’m usually chill and don’t care and will just work with what I get), so I end up looking like a horrible customer constantly demanding replacements/refunds.
Our money situation is okay, but we do have bigger expenses coming within a year or so and I know my partner is always worried about money too so they feel they wasted money on the coffee which isn’t helping anything.
Am I the jerk for not wanting to call and get a refund and making them feel invalidated?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ life is hard and none of us have as many spoons as we’d like. If this non-issue is so important to him that it’s worth spending one of your spoons on, but not one of his, and it doesn’t matter to you in the slightest, he needs to accept that it’s wrong for him to spend your spoons like he’s the only one with a finite amount each day.
Something is either important enough to be worth dealing with, or it isn’t. Your time and energy are equally valuable. Only if this were important and of real consequence would you be a jerk for refusing to spend a spoon, and then, only if you believe he truly didn’t have one to spare and make it through the day but you did.
A concept like spoons is super useful, but not if it’s being weaponized and applied in just one direction.” itchy dog
Another User Comments:
“NTJ are you his mommy? Do you want to be his mommy forever? No? Then stop being his mommy. Partner can grow up and handle his problems. He sounds very immature.
If you had not included his age I would have thought he was 12 years old and you were his mom. What do you see in this childish so-called man who can’t even do something as simple as this on his own? Enabler or what???” ZookeepergameDeep668
Another User Comments:
“He feels invalidated?? over a weak cup of coffee?? Good Gawd what is this world coming to? Take the cup from him and tell him he only gets a sippy cup of diluted juice from now on, until he can put on his big boy pants and either make his consumer complaints or just MOVE on WITH HIS DAY.
Better yet, hand him $5 and tell him to get lost.” MrBreffas
2. AITJ For Being Upset With My Wife For Hiring A New Cook Without My Consent?
“So a little background. Usually, everyone in our country has some household helpers who do part-time work in multiple apartments in a society. They come in for 1 to 2 hrs a day to cook and clean. I have a cook and a cleaning lady.
My work schedule is very irregular where I, 36M, work in operations and sometimes work during the day and or at night and sometimes I am away for a few days on a stretch.
I have a cook who comes in at her convenience and makes meals for the day for me. I cook myself so usually I leave instructions for doing most of the heavy lifting of making bread and chopping veggies etc and I usually finish it according to my taste, sometimes I just let the cook make complete meals if I know I will be too exhausted to cook.
I trust this cook to do the work and keep my kitchen clean whether I am home or not and have made arrangements for her access. It is convenient because she is tech-savvy and able to follow instructions well she is not a cook whose food you would find delectable but she does her job fairly okay.
My wife, 29F, who works in another city comes now and then for a couple of days a month or I go to hers. Last week she decided she would take some remote work and decided to stay for a week. I had some days off so I cooked for her during those.
During the week the cook had planned to take her paid days off, she also could not make the food according to how my wife liked when I was not home for a work day as my wife was deciding the menu. The next day she took a sick day and caused inconvenience to my wife(it was a busy work day for her).
My wife also disliked the food prep because she is used to a very strict diet and very picky about its preparation.
Where my wife lives, the cook makes delicious food although for me I find it too oily and spicy. I on the other hand am particular about the amount of oil, salt, and spices in my food.
I did reprimand the cook for this but my wife wanted me to fire her outright. Even though I told her I would take care of it the next time she came over or would replace her when she moved permanently (in a month) or for a longer duration.
My wife who was leaving the next day, went ahead without asking me and made arrangements to hire another cook. It is a small community and my cook found out and now is acting strange and fears for her job security it is affecting the quality of work and now I feel there is no scope for her to improve the cooking.
I told my wife off and was upset that she went behind my back, I told her it was not her place to do this and she had overstepped, that it adds to my work of now finding another cook who is able to take instructions and cook according to my needs and my timings and can be trusted with my kitchen and its cleanliness.
It takes a few weeks for anyone new to start work according to my requirements.
My wife feels that I am choosing this cook over her and would not apologize for trying to improve my lifestyle according to her standards.
I wanted to keep the cook till she actually moves in and then replace the cook who can do meal preps according to my wife.
AITJ for telling my wife this is not in her purview.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Sounds like you stay in India. You are not the jerk here, if there is one, it is your wife. She had no right to reprimand or fire your maid behind your back, especially if you had already told her that you would take care of it.
While these decisions can be taken jointly, your wife completely disregarded your point of view. Lastly, if your wife doesn’t pay your maid’s salary then she has no right to fire her.” BoredofBin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wife ultimately has no say in how you keep your home or who you employ if she is not contributing to the home in some way (ie, helping maintain the home or contributing financially).
I am curious though: did you tell her your plan of finding a new cook when she moves in?” _sarrasri
1. AITJ For Breaking My Mother's Perfume That Triggers My Severe Headaches?
“I (18F) have severe headaches sometimes. They are so strong that sometimes I vomit and have to go to the hospital for medication.
Some smells trigger these pains more, one of these smells is one of my mother’s (41F) perfume.
She has a perfume called delina. It’s not the only perfume that gives me a headache, but it’s the only one that gives me such a strong reaction.
Since I realized the relationship, I asked my mother to stop using this perfume around me, and she said she would consider my request.
But I honestly think she did the opposite, although she denies it I feel like she started using it more often than before.
When we are in open spaces this is not a problem, but in closed spaces, like in a car, my headache becomes unbearable and 100% of the time we were in the same car with her wearing this perfume I ended up throwing up.
Last weekend was my grandmother’s birthday, and she celebrated her birthday at a place 30 minutes drive from my house. I was sure my mother would use the perfume and I would have to stay near her for 30 minutes smelling that scent. So before she started getting ready I hid the perfume.
She noticed that the perfume was not in its place and questioned me, but we had to leave soon and she ended up using another one. I returned it to its place the next day, and since then she has used it every day at all times.
I may be getting paranoid but I think she’s spraying it all over the house. I begged her to stop, and I asked my father to talk to her but nothing helped.
Today I smelled it on my pillow and I couldn’t stand it, I went to her room and broke it, in front of her.
We had an argument, she said I was childish, and said I would have to buy her a new one. I left her talking to herself and came to my friend’s house. Since then she has been calling me, my aunts and my father also called, and they all say I was unreasonable.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Personally, if I had a family member insisting on wearing a scent that triggered headaches bad enough to make me vomit, I’d consider diluting the source with booze (pour out some of the cologne and then replace what I poured out with 90% isopropyl booze).
Sure, I could use perfumers’ booze, but I got the impression that isopropyl or rubbing booze might help dissipate the scent more quickly. Besides, it might discourage the family member from wearing it as often/as much, lest it be turning. Of course, this would entail figuring out how to get the sprayer off the bottle.
And it also means getting a blistering headache doing this.” HedgieTwiggles
Another User Comments:
“Migraines are so easily set off and you need to work around your mother’s deliberate use of perfume despite your request. When you are with her, wear a mask, for example.
If you have to be in the car with her, wear a mask and open the window next to you the whole time. See a specialist about preventive care and carry painkillers/antihistamines with you at all times, as well as a water bottle to take as soon as you sense the migraine coming on.
Put a lock on your bedroom door so that she can’t spray your room in any way. NTJ But your best move is to move out and stay away from her as much as you can. Talk to your father about getting specialist medical care.
Where I live, some people can get regular shots to help. Perhaps learning to meditate will help with the migraines that are brought on by stress. And if you are near a shower/sink when you are suffering, put your head (facing downward) under ice cold water for as long as you can stand it.” hadMcDofordinner
