People Want Help With Categorizing Themselves As Jerks Or Not In These Stories
22. AITJ For Telling What Caused My Father-In-Law's Laptop's Malfunction?
“I (M36) am absolutely not what you would call a ‘handy’ kind of guy. I can build an IKEA flatpack, and I can follow a YouTube tutorial to find out how to de-clog my washing machine, but I don’t have any (what my Father in Law (M60) would call) ‘worthwhile skills’.
I have to give him the credit that he’s due and say that he’s knowledgeable about plumbing, joinery, and electrics. He has often helped me and my wife with matters in our home (a leaky pipe, some plastering work, etc), and we have always been grateful and appreciative of his efforts.
My skills are more IT based. I work in this field for a living, which means I often get saddled with old chestnuts such as ‘Can you fix the printer?’, or ‘The internet isn’t working’. To me, these are simple issues to fix, but he’s very IT illiterate.
I never make a big deal about this, because it’s the least I can do to repay his help. However, he spares no opportunity whatsoever to take shots at my lack of ‘worthwhile skills’. He’ll say (often in front of family and friends) that I’m not a real man, or that I’d be useless in an emergency, that sort of thing.
Because he does a lot of stuff that I generally suck at, I bite my tongue and don’t say anything to him. This week changed that. We bought my daughter this massive climbing frame/swing set for her birthday. My wife and I were able to assemble most of it, but the last few bits, as well as anchoring it to the ground were giving us issues.
My brother happened to stop by to visit, so he helped, but my wife also phoned FIL to come and help. We got the job done, but again, the commentary continued, which was especially insulting considering my brother was there.
Yesterday we were up visiting him. I was there, as was my wife, his wife, and my wife’s brother and his wife. He asked me if I could look at his laptop, as he had some sort of bug. When I fired it up, it was one of those ransomware programs – the camera was showing the webcam feed on a fake police website.
I was able to get his computer somewhat back to normal after a while, which took longer than he’d have liked according to his comments. While I was bringing it back, he kept badgering me about what had caused the bug.
A perusal of his internet history revealed a LOT of adult videos. Nothing particularly embarrassing, but probably information that he wouldn’t have wanted to be shared.
It was out of my mouth before I had even finished processing the thought.
‘Loads of these adult websites have a lot of harmful and dodgy stuff, I’ll get you a membership from my Norton account.’ You could have cut the tension with a knife. His wife looked super angry, and sister in law stifled a laugh.
We left shortly after that, but on the way out we heard the two of them arguing.
My wife gave me both barrels in the car, but I said he is always giving me hassle and I keep my mouth shut.
Things have been frosty ever since, and I wonder if I went too far. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – if your wife is so against embarrassing people, she should have told her dad to put a sock in it ages ago.
Frankly, one more comment out of him, and you should declare open season on his lack of worthwhile computer skills.
Either that, or steer into his skid, and insist that whatever it is wrong with his computer, he’s going to have to pay a professional to fix it, seeing as you are, in his estimation, completely useless, and will continue to be so until he supplies a written apology.” avast2006
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your FIL and Wife are major jerks, and FIL got a small taste of his own medicine from your accidental slip. More importantly, my parents and grandparents had the same exact dynamic/issues. My father works in IT/Computers, doesn’t have many ‘handy skills’, and helps and stays quiet to keep the peace.
My Grandpa was an electrician and has always ‘done things himself like a real man’, except always needs my Dad for minor tech issues. As someone who’s been in the thick of it, you need to focus a lot more on your wife’s role in all this.
Is she standing up for you when he makes these comments? Or does she let them slide? If she’s not sticking up for you, it’s very likely it’s because she agrees (at least enough to not fight him on it).” bi-loser99
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wife lets him talk to you like that? Maybe he needs to realize that every time he puts you down, he is putting his daughter down as well since she chose you. Apparently, no one ever taught him to respect other people.
If people were not different with different abilities, the human race would have died out a long time ago. People like him feel inferior to smart people. I have a feeling your intellect makes him feel inadequate and he is projecting.” Naive-Ad2609
21. AITJ For Saying My Sister Is An "Almond Mom"?
“My sister (33f) is an absolute health nut and her obsession with what she considers a healthy diet has only worsened over time.
I (28m) am super close with my nephew (11m) and we will often hang out and do activities together, and sometimes he will spend the night at my apartment.
His dad isn’t in the picture so I try to be a good male figure in his life. I usually try to keep our meals relatively healthy (although maybe not up to my sister’s standards) and half the time my sister will send him over with pre-made meals that she approves of anyways.
Last Friday my nephew came to hang out for a movie/video game night. My sister didn’t send him over with any meals this time and I was craving pizza so I decided whatever and had some delivered. It was delicious.
The next morning, I made bacon omelets with potatoes and a side of fruit. My nephew loved all of it.
Initially, I had planned to drop my nephew off, but my sister was running errands nearby already and so she dropped in to pick him up.
She could smell the bacon smell in my apartment and also saw the empty pizza box and totally flipped out. She asked me if the bacon was turkey bacon – it wasn’t. She then asked if the pizza was made with cauliflower crust…
it wasn’t. I told my sister to stop being such an almond mom and rage ensued after that. She told me that I no longer have overnight privileges with my nephew because I can’t be trusted to feed him properly.
Also, want to add – my nephew is healthy and is never hungry, but he also never gets to indulge in anything that my sister views as even remotely bad for you. He has no allergies or anything that would require a restriction of any kind of food or drink.
Lastly, my sister has never provided me with any sort of guide to foods that she approves of. It’s been a few days and she is still mad at me and has taken huge offense to the ‘almond mom’ comment that I made.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The truth is the truth. She’s an almond Mom. She didn’t give you explicit guidelines and the kid has no allergies so how could you be the jerk for feeding him good food? Did he drink a gallon of soda?
Have a whole pizza to himself? Also, removing you from her son’s life will be damaging to him. He can have all the healthy food he wants at Mom’s house. It’s not weird to have pizza at your uncle’s place.
Sounds like the sister might have her own eating issues. Approach this topic with care.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Anyone who thinks cauliflower crust pizza is something to feed to children needs their head examined – that stuff is gross.
Your sister is just setting up her son for massive eating disorder issues by making sure he’s never allowed to have anything ‘fun’ to eat for no other reason than her own obsessive issues with food. He’s going to make a point of eating anything and everything he can get his hands on when he’s out of her sight if she keeps treating him like some sort of prisoner having to be punished as far as meals are concerned.” Dipping_My_Toes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Because she’s never provided a guide or specifically outlawed items, she’s jumped the gun on barring you from seeing your nephew. From an ethical perspective, at least, she never advised you what the boundary was nor what the consequences would be for ignoring it.
You may want to find articles on children who were raised never getting to eat Sweets, and then become obese as adults because all they do is eat the Sweets they couldn’t have as a child. Maybe that might help your sister to see the damage she’s doing by being so strict uptight and controlling.
Modeling good behaviors means showing kids how to eat healthily AND enjoyably. She’s gonna give her kids an eating disorder or body dysmorphia if she keeps this up.
Once she realizes the benefit of all the free labor you’ve been providing, I’m sure she’ll come around…” phenomstar
20. AITJ For Not Helping My Wife's Sister?
“My (43M) wife (42F, May) has 3 siblings. My two brothers-in-law (45M, 40M) and my wife’s sister, Debbie (38F). I refer to her as my wife’s sister because she has always treated me like garbage.
While my wife and I were going out, Debbie tried to break us up by convincing May I was unfaithful and emotionally abusive. After that, Debbie has only been cold to me and makes passive-aggressive remarks about everything from my profession to my masculinity.
My wife shuts it down whenever she starts but I just don’t enjoy being around her.
So Debbie’s husband lost his job a couple of months ago and they’re struggling now with just Debbie’s income. My wife got a call a few days ago from Debbie saying how they’ve lost their apartment since they were behind on rent and asking if we could house her, her husband, and their daughter for a while until they’re back on their feet.
May told her she’d have to check with me and she’d get back to her. I don’t want her in my home, I really don’t need her insulting me for what could be weeks or even months. My wife said she understood but I’m punishing our niece.
I tried to compromise and said I’d be happy to look after and house her, but I do not want Debbie here. My wife relayed the offer but Debbie was not happy. About half of my wife’s family says I’m a jerk for basically making sure my SIL and her family are homeless and the other half says I’m not given how rude she’s been to me.
My wife says she’s fine with my decision and we’ve offered the help we could.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The people in your wife’s family saying you’re a jerk are more than welcome to bring Debbie into their home. Also, home is where you should be relaxed. Bringing her into your home would make an even more stressed out Debbie lash out even more.
It sucks for your niece, but at the same time, why were they that far behind on rent to get kicked out, to begin with? They could have asked for help from family before it got to that point, to begin with.” WorktheMoo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like you have done all you can do by offering to look after your niece and provide her with a home while you and your wife are not comfortable with having your sister-in-law in your home.
It’s understandable that you do not want someone who has been so rude and disrespectful to you in your home. You have been respectful and kind in your decision, and you have offered the help you can. It’s unfortunate that your niece has to suffer for her parents’ situation, but you have done all you can do.” The_IT_Dude_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
He lost his job two months ago and they’re already behind on rent. So, they had absolutely no savings, couldn’t/wouldn’t sell or pawn any belongings, and didn’t prioritize paying rent. And in such dire circumstances, her husband hasn’t gone out and gotten a low-wage job (fast food, retail…) to help make ends meet.
If family members think they deserve support, then another family can help them.” teresajs
19. AITJ For Faking An Engagement?
“My (26F) brother, Tommy (28M)’s best friend Nick (28M) is very nice and close with our family. The only problem is his brother Lucas (27M). For 10 years, at events, Lucas has flirted with me, asked me out, etc. I’ve told him under no uncertain terms that am I interested and he needs to leave me alone.
Tommy and Nick have spoken to him. My dad even told Nick and Lucas’ dad who yelled at Lucas for his behavior. He still hasn’t changed. I’ve had to block him on all social media.
It’s gotten to the point that I simply don’t attend events that I know Lucas will be at.
It worked for about a year and then Tommy ended up winning a major award from work. My entire family went to celebrate. I was told that Lucas couldn’t come so I felt confident.
Well, a couple of hours in, Lucas arrives and instantly zeroes in on me.
I try dodging him but he won’t leave me alone. I manage to slip away and switch one of my rings to my left finger. When he comes near me again, I say I have a fiancé and this is super disrespectful.
Lucas was visibly upset and walked away.
I thought everything was good until Nick came running to me asking what was going on. Why was Lucas telling everyone I was engaged? My parents were freaking out as I don’t even have a partner.
I eventually pulled them aside and told them the truth.
They were mad and accused me of ruining the event. They say I should’ve just left or avoided Lucas. Tommy isn’t upset with me but agrees I went too far.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“1000% NTJ…
Perhaps it was an impulsive move on your part to fake being engaged, but under the circumstances, sounds like you did what you had to get Lucas to leave you alone…
Lucas is the problem here, not you OP… I’m sorry your brother’s big event was ruined but again, that was Lucas’s fault, not yours…
Who had said Lucas wasn’t going to be at this event and how did he end up showing up anyway?
You need to reinforce the situation that this harassment has caused you to block Lucas but he still won’t leave you alone.
Your parents and his family really need to understand the seriousness of the situation that prompted you to fake being engaged in order to get this guy off your back…” NaturalRow5496
Another User Comments:
“No. Nope. You are a victim of this man’s inability to accept the word ‘no’.
Being polite hasn’t worked, shouting didn’t work, and a friends intervention hasn’t worked. And so your friends and family have placed the onus on you to ‘walk away’ and leave fun events because he won’t change. Not an acceptable expectation.
If I were in your shoes, I would tell Lucas and your family that the next time you are made to feel uncomfortable by him, you are either calling security or the police (location dependent) and you are the victim of harassment.
Do not accept ‘he’s harmless’ or ‘you should be flattered’ or ‘just ignore him, he’ll get bored eventually’. Once he is physically removed from a venue or is spoken to by police, he will sulk but he may learn a lesson on the unwanted attention.
NTJ” Heraonolympia123
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But adopt the approach that you will ruin every event you are harassed at. Make a scene, because they’re more worried about appearances than your safety so you have to look out for yourself.
He’s a cop so I get how your legal options may feel limited.
You don’t have to be polite or keep up some veneer of respectability when your family has basically allowed you to be harassed and intimidated on an ongoing basis.
Be as loud, as distracting, and as open about being harassed by this man as possible until someone in your family understands that they keep putting you in this position.” beansofsu22
18. AITJ For Offering To Repair A Guitar?
“I (41M) and my son (10M) recently visited some extended family. A couple of days after leaving I got a text message that my son broke a guitar at their house. Up until that point, I was not aware that my son broke the guitar.
I asked them to send pictures and immediately offered to pay for the repair. They responded that it’s not repairable and that the guitar is $800 (I think implying that I should just send them $800). They haven’t taken it to any repair shop for an opinion or quote and just came to that conclusion on their own.
They seem offended that I would even suggest repair as an option (opposed to replacement). They almost seem as if they would only be placated if I were to submit my son to them for a life of indentured servitude in addition to buying a new guitar.
After my son got home from school, I asked him about it. He admitted to knocking it over but said that my cousin’s parents were there and they looked at it and didn’t see anything wrong with it at the time.
I can only assume that, since the damage is to the headstock/neck, there may have been a small unnoticeable crack while we were there that got bigger over the last couple of days due to the string tension.
I’m more than willing to pay for the repair and I’ve made that clear.
I would also be willing to pay replacement costs if it isn’t repairable but I haven’t discussed that with them yet because I want to keep the focus on repair right now as they seem so quick to dismiss the idea of repairing it.
I feel it’s reasonable for them to take some time out of their day and go to a repair shop to get an opinion and a quote.
I can empathize with them. I am a violinist and I have a violin that was made in 1921.
Someone once accidentally knocked it off a table which caused some damage and I didn’t ask that person to pay anything other than the repair costs (which they offered to do). So going this route just seems reasonable to me and fits in with my life experience.
So, AITJ for asking that they take the time to go to a repair shop and get an opinion and a quote and possibly be content with payment for repair?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is reasonable for you to request that they take the guitar to a repair shop for an evaluation and a quote before agreeing to pay for a replacement.
As you mentioned, you are willing to cover the costs of repair or even replacement if it’s deemed necessary. This approach demonstrates that you are taking responsibility for your son’s actions and are committed to making amends.
It is understandable that your extended family might be upset about the damage to their guitar.
However, it is important to keep things in perspective and to find a fair resolution. Asking them to take the guitar to a repair shop is a reasonable request that should not be seen as an insult or an attempt to shirk responsibility.
It is a logical and responsible step in determining the appropriate course of action.” bLaZe_iT_420_69
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s understandable that you would want to repair the guitar if possible, and it’s reasonable for you to ask them to take the time to get an opinion and a quote.
It’s understandable that they may feel frustrated, but it’s important to remember that the guitar was broken while in their care. It’s like if you had a trusted friend watch your house while you were away, and they accidentally broke something, you would still expect them to help pay for the repair or replacement.
You’ve been upfront about your willingness to pay for the repair or replacement, so you’ve done your part.” The_IT_Dude_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are trying to make it right. It seems like they have a vendetta and are being somewhat unreasonable.
Repair is often an option and is considerably less expensive. I would definitely make sure you see the damage to verify it is from your son and not something else, and also the repair bill, unfortunately, sounds like they are out to make a quick buck.” Anonnymusse
17. AITJ For Making My Wife's Niece Clean Her Mess In The Bathroom?
“My wife’s 17-year-old niece is staying with us for 3 months while her mother is in rehab.
I knew she was a bit of a wild child but reluctantly agreed to her staying here due to the severity of the situation. We have several bedrooms and bathrooms and were easily able to set her up with her own space.
Thursday last week I was awoken at 2 am to the sounds of retching and then a thud. Following the sounds, I discovered my wife’s niece wasted and puking in the bathroom sink. She had apparently snuck out and gone to a party a few hours prior.
I didn’t say a single word and went back to bed.
The next morning I went to check the bathroom and the sink was plugged up and filled with vomit, and there was crap half on the floor and half in the toilet.
It was one of the most repulsive things I have ever seen and most definitely a biohazard.
My wife is a nurse and her natural instinct was to go into full caretaker mode. I told both of them that it was her niece’s responsibility to clean up the bathroom once she was feeling better – she made the decision to get absolutely wasted and she is the one that soiled the bathroom… so it was her responsibility to do the cleaning.
My wife shuffled me off to work and when I came home for lunch, I found her cleaning the bathroom. We got into an argument about it because I strongly felt that her niece should have been the one to do it.
I stated that she needed to learn the consequences of her actions, otherwise, she’d end up like her mother.
I can tell my wife is still not happy about what I said and she thinks I’m being insensitive to the situation.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for expecting her to clean it up.
But it sounds like she was extremely wasted and you didn’t consider her well-being. If she was so wasted she was puking in the sink and taking a dump outside of the toilet, she could have been in medical danger.
Not to mention she’s young and probably has a lower tolerance. And what was the thud sound? She could have hit her head or something.
She’s also going through a lot. Trying to talk to her, check in, or see if she needs to talk to a counselor for support will probably be a lot more helpful than just teaching her a lesson by making her clean it up.” lillith187
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. Actions have consequences. Those are the consequences of what she did. That said I have a fear of vomit and nothing could convince me to help. I’d move out. Because phobias are insane.
But if it didn’t bother your wife and she felt that your niece did or will learn her lesson just from how terrible she felt and what she went through, then it was her choice to help and it’s ok to support someone you love.
Someone who is likely going through a lot right now.
You’re NTJ but neither is your wife. Probably you guys should have a chat with your niece about expectations going forward. I’d be shocked if that did have at least some impact on your niece and her choices.
And a gentle reminder that her mom, her female role model who raised her, is in rehab. Which means she has probably been exposed to more than she should have at 17 and that will have impacted her.” glitterpantaloons
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your 17-year-old niece snuck out of the house without adult knowledge or permission, got wasted, then left a disgusting mess for someone else to clean. This is exactly the kind of behavior that made you reluctant to house her.
Your wife’s reaction was to just rug-sweep the situation. You are unfortunately right, niece is being enabled to follow the path her mother has blazed. Two discussions are in order: one with your wife to discuss appropriate house rules for her niece and a second to convey them (and consequences) to her niece.” la_patineuse
16. WIBTJ If I Don't Go To A Wedding In Italy?
“My partner (27M) and I (25F) have been together for almost 5 years. Our anniversary is next month.
My partner’s brother, Mitch (30M), and his partner, Ashley (29F) have been together for 2 years.
My partner’s other brother, Tom (29M), and his fiancé, Alexis (27F) have been together for over 10 years and they are getting married in Italy this September.
We live in the US.
Alexis and I used to be fairly close, but we had an argument a while back that we never got over.
I was pregnant at the time and ended up having a miscarriage and she told my partner’s family that she thought I was lying about ever being pregnant. She still, to this day, swears I lied about being pregnant, and when I asked her why she believes that, she said, ‘I have a master’s degree in psychology.
I can tell when people are lying.’ So for the past 2 years, we have just always stayed civil at family events but we stay out of each other’s way.
When they announced that they were getting married in Italy and it would be a 10-day trip and they expected the whole family to be there, my partner and I were already annoyed because we planned to take a long vacation elsewhere for our anniversary this year.
We aren’t able to do both because of money and not having enough PTO at our jobs. But we decided to get over it since it’s their wedding and it’s more important than our anniversary trip.
When we received the wedding invitation, it only said my partner’s name.
But on the RSVP website, it gave him an option for a plus one. So I just assumed that it would be the same for my partner’s brother Mitch’s invitation. But his actually said ‘Mitch and Ashley’ on the invitation and the website.
So my partner asked Tom why my name wasn’t on there but Ashley’s was, and Tom said there must have been some kind of mistake with the company they used for the invites. But he told my partner that I was invited too.
Then a few weeks later, Mitch and Ashley told my partner and me that Alexis told them she purposely did not put my name on the invitation because she doesn’t like me and she thought it would be funny.
I feel like that’s a really immature and petty thing to do and I don’t want to spend thousands of dollars on a 10-day trip to Italy for someone’s wedding who disrespects me like that.
WIBTJ for not going?”
Another User Comments:
“Well, you aren’t invited to the wretched wedding. So you don’t have to go to the wedding and spend all that money to attend the ten days of events, OMG, to celebrate somebody that doesn’t even want you there.
I think you and your partner should go to Italy. It’s really wonderful. You will have a great time. Just don’t go to the wedding, or even be in whatever city the wedding is when the thing happens.
NTJ
I would say go to Italy and just not go to the wedding, but if this is going to be a whole big family multi-day get-together thing with lots of family dinners and outings and photos, and you on the periphery for the whole thing, (not just for a few hours), well….
screw that. And I would hope your partner of all these years would stand with you.” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for sure, don’t go to the wedding if you don’t want to. Your bf is right where he should be – in your corner.
At least in the wedding situation.
What mystifies me is why nobody seems to have called Alexis out for her cruel, stupid, ‘I can tell you faked your pregnancy because I studied psychology’ rubbish. Maybe more happened and you didn’t include it because, well, word limit.
But I would expect bf to have had a proper go at Alexis, or at least a serious talk with his brother, about piling such callous, utter garbage on a traumatized woman.
I am so sorry you suffered a miscarriage and then had to deal with this person invalidating your pain.
For that alone, you are under no obligation to her. For her immature little stunt leaving you off the invitation, even more so.” dizzysap
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like Alexis has been pretty disrespectful to you and it’s understandable that you wouldn’t want to attend the wedding after learning this.
It’s really unfortunate that you and your partner have to miss out on your anniversary trip, but it’s understandable that you wouldn’t want to attend the wedding after being disrespected in such a way. It’s a bummer that things have to be this way, but you have every right to make the decision that works best for you.” The_IT_Dude_
15. AITJ For Confiscating My Daughter's Stuff For Bullying Her Stepsister?
“I ( F35) have a daughter Jessica (F15) and two years ago I married Joe (M47) who has a daughter Bella (F15).
Joe and Jessica always have gotten along very well and I presumed Jessica and Bella would also bond as they are the same age and Jessica has always wanted a sister and I thought they did get along. At home, they were always nice to each other, shared stuff, and seemed to have fun.
Recently I got a call from their school stating that Bella was crying in the office, before I could ask her why they told me that Jessica was bullying her for being ‘ugly’ and ‘unfashionable’.
Bella does have a bit of an alternative style but I think its creative and unique and not an excuse to bully her.
I was absolutely horrified at this as when I was a child I was also bullied for things like that and I have always raised Jessica to be kind and empathetic. I picked Bella up from school early and took her out for ice cream and let her talk if she wanted to and she confessed she didn’t say anything because she wanted Jessica to like her and she didn’t want to cause any problems as since her mom died she hasn’t seen her dad so happy.
I then continued to tell her I wouldn’t tell Jessica that she told me but tell her the school did to possibly mend their relationship and that she can always talk to me whenever as although I will never replace her mom I want to be there for her no matter what.
When Jessica came home I told her that her behavior is extremely unkind and I asked her why she did it she then continued to say that she is right and that Bella ‘dresses like a freak and looks like a hideous rat’ and that her friends were teasing her for having to live with her.
I then told her that I would be taking away her phone for a week and that she has to apologize to Bella. she then proceeded to say more nasty things about Bella which then made me snap. I told her I would take away all her makeup EXCEPT her skincare prescribed by her dermatologist and most of her new clothes that I bought for her last week she then started crying which made me feel bad but I didn’t relent.
One of her main interests is makeup and fashion as she wants to be a stylist when she grows up but since she is bullying her step-sister for a related thing I thought it would be appropriate until she learns to show kindness to others.
I have offered to set up therapy or try to discuss it but she screams I am ruining her life every time I am near her. Bella appreciates my effort and before anyone asks why Joe is not involved it is because he goes on a lot of business trips so he is currently away and I am a stay-at-home mom.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… Sort of
You do need to recognize that this is ‘mean girls’ stuff, and your daughter is caught in the crossfire. She’s being bullied into bullying. Recognize that. The answer is going to be a little more complex than taking away her makeup here, unfortunately.
Punishing Jessie in the way that you are doesn’t seem a way to fix this – you are going to just make her resent everything all the more. She’s already in a spot of having to choose her new step-sibling or her social circle, and you’ve only introduced a punishment that makes her hate the situation even more without a real answer to it.
Coaching her on responses, the social complexities, and how to get through it without picking the side would be the best course if that needle can be threaded!
I learned as a grown man bringing up two daughters that girls are way, waaayyyyy meaner than boys in this stuff.
Boys squabble, maybe get physical, and then it largely gets squashed. Girls are unbelievably calculating and long-term nasty. I’d do not envy the task you have of unwinding this between step-siblings!” Intrepid_Potential60
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – Jessica is being a brat, but I’m not willing to call a 15-year-old who is dealing (very poorly) with a lot of transition in her life a jerk.
You did a good job setting limits. It sounds like you are doing your best to try to create a positive environment for both girls.
Now it’s time for individual therapy for all (including you). Both girls need support in dealing with all the transitions life has thrown at them.
You need a professional who can help coach you on how to navigate these situations, which are not easy. I would absolutely also want help in knowing how best to parent Jessica so that you can support her interests while also making sure she doesn’t become a person who judges others by looks, ‘coolness,’ what her friends think, etc..” Kristanns
Another User Comments:
“To me, NTJ. Your daughter clearly needs to get her points straight (if this makes any sense). Indeed what she did was extremely cruel and as much as she dresses ‘within the norm of cool’, things can flip and what’s cool can soon be deemed ‘hideous’ as she puts it.
It’s sad that sometimes we think we raise kids to be kind and empathetic and something like this happens and makes you wonder where they got it from (I don’t have any kids but I’d be devastated by it). Hopefully, she can learn from her mistake.
Also, good you stood by your stepdaughter! She clearly needed the support. It might take time but hopefully, they can get along fine (maybe not besties, but at least not like this).” moviegoer1234
14. AITJ For Sending Abandoned Kids At Daycare Back To Their Home?
“I (27F) work at a daycare. There’s a woman living down the street from our daycare that we’ve had trouble with before. She does not pay or apply her kids to the daycare, she just dumps them there however we take care of them anyway, because we’re not just gonna let two young kids just stand-alone outside with nowhere to go.
Now, here’s where the main event of this story happened. I was at the daycare a bit before we opened, and I and a coworker were talking about this lady who would just dump their kids here every day, and that my coworker had found her phone number through the company she worked at (Which, you could’ve guessed, has their logo on the truck she drives.) So we figured that at some point we should call her sometime to ‘Educate’ her.
A few minutes later we go to open, and who could’ve guessed, it’s the lady’s kids. The kids tried to step in, and I told them to wait outside for a moment. After that, I decided to call the woman to put an end to this.
I call her, and I tell her I work at the daycare. I explain to her how she couldn’t just dump her kids at the establishment for the reasons I explained earlier. She wasn’t screaming, but her voice certainly got louder, and she said ‘Can’t you please just do a single mom a favor, please?’ I turned her down and told her she had to come to pick up her kids.
After a bit of arguing, she eventually agreed. she came with the truck and picked up the kids, and the rest of the day was normal. However, now that I’m home, I feel bad. I feel like I just made a struggling mother have an even harder time.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“For the record, I used to work at a preschool/daycare.
You should have called the police/child services the first time it happened. Y’all were asking for trouble keeping those two kids. What if they got hurt?
What if something happened at the center and y’all had to evacuate? No one had any contact info for the parent and if the kids got hurt or y’all had to move locations, y’all could have been charged with negligence and child endangerment, among other things.
Then add in allergies, illnesses, and medical emergencies… omg y’all are lucky.
There’s a reason there is so much paperwork when it comes to enrolling kids in daycare/school/activities.
The mom needs to find a better way to get daycare than dumping her kid on strangers.
Honestly, child services need to be involved as soon as possible because who/where will she dump them next?
NTJ but for god’s sake, use some common sense.” the_owl_syndicate
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
But never EVER take someone’s kids like that again.
She signed no contract, and you had no medical history or phone number to call in an emergency. Had one of the kids needed to go to the hospital it would have been bad.
If this ever happens again you call the police- they should call child protective services.
What this mother was doing is abandonment even if she intended to pick them up.
What if she got in an accident on the way home? You wouldn’t have even been able to tell anyone whose kids they are. Do you want to be charged with kidnapping?
I feel for single parents, my partner was one (he has my help now). But you can’t just abandon your kids and hope for the best.” DoraTheUrbanExplorer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Having your kids in daycare is a business transaction.
The customer (parents/guardians) enters into a fixed contract where you provide care according to a fixed agreement in exchange for money. The parents agree that you can make limited decisions on their behalf and will return for their children when you call.
You haven’t been ‘helping’ a single mother, you’ve been enabling her and risking everything by doing so.
You had to get this woman’s number from a courier. You’ve been taking care of children without being able to contact their parent.
You’ve been putting yourself, the business, and the care of every other child there in danger.
She’s been abandoning her children. That is the legal definition of what has been happening. You have an obligation to inform the police or child services.
Even if it doesn’t happen again, you must report this.” Natural_Garbage7674
Every single employee in this daycare needs a refresher course on their legal obligations. I can only imagine what other situations are occurring on the daily that night be putting the company and the individuals at risk for legal trouble, and the children in danger.
13. AITJ For Asking For My Tip Back?
“I (24f) and my partner (24m), like most people, appreciate a good bubble tea. A week ago, we went out and grabbed lunch & tea at a bubble tea place in our town. The restaurant is not a full-service restaurant but is one of those places where you order at the front and they yell out your number when it’s ready.
I always thought the rule was that you tip in sit-down restaurants where you are being served, but not in places where you grab something at the counter (unless you leave a little change for a tip jar). In sit-down restaurants, I’m a stickler for always tipping at least 20%.
So we ordered and the woman behind the register told us the total – about $35 for two meals & drinks (a bit of a special splurge for us student-loanees). I put my credit card into the card reader, and then took my hands off and waited for the usual directions to pop up – again, without touching the screen.
They came up, as usual – 15%, 20%, 22%, and 25%. But then, before I could click ‘skip’ – or touch the machine at all – the button for 20% lit up orange and automatically charged me a $7 service tip. The woman at the register immediately printed and handed me the receipt for $42.
Flustered and in the heat of the moment, I awkwardly explained that the price was wrong, that I hadn’t selected the tip, and that the machine had randomly added it on.
The woman behind the register looked at me with a blank stare and said, ‘So do you want to take off the tip?’ I said yes, please.
The woman had to call over a manager, who also gave me a blank stare and confirmed that I wanted a refund for my tip. As they were printing off a special receipt in silence, I wanted to melt into a puddle on the floor.
The manager handed me the tip refund receipt without saying anything, and I said an awkward ‘thanks’ before scurrying off to the side to wait for the food.
As we waited, my partner made a joke about hoping the staff didn’t spit in my food after what just happened. I asked him if what I’d done was horribly awkward, and he said, ‘Well… yeah.
I wouldn’t have asked for the tip back.’ I told my family about what I did, and my dad disagreed. He said the card reader was clearly broken or rigged, and wondered if the rigging could have been intentional. My mom thinks that’s unlikely.
My sister said that next time, ‘You should just pay the $7, it’s not worth it.’ Honestly, I agree with my sister – at this point, I’d absolutely pay the extra $7 just to avoid that incredibly awkward situation. But I have to ask: AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It does sound like their new payment method system is rigged. You are not obligated to pay a tip which is why there are options at the bottom.
Personally, I’d write a Yelp review about this because if other people are also experiencing the same thing and not asking for their money because it’s ‘embarrassing/not worth it’ then this place is stealing a lot of money.
But if it was a glitch then they can tell you they fixed the issue. Sounds really shady what happened though.” big_shlong_101
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and the manager didn’t take what happened seriously enough. If the reader was set up to do that automatically without any posted notice, that’s potentially illegal.
If the machine was genuinely malfunctioning, the manager should have said so and apologized for the inconvenience.
Either way, you were not at fault. If you had not said something, the next person who noticed the tip automatically being added probably would have.
Tipping is voluntary and it is reasonable to expect the system a restaurant is using to allow you to select the amount or opt-out.” Traveller13
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for asking for it back. Clearly, they set it up to do it otherwise they would have been concerned with the ‘bug’.
As someone that waited tables for 9 years, I find it nuts that people want the same 20% for doing their jobs. As a waiter that’s basically the only money we got in my state.
But you can still tip in places like what you described. Maybe someone comes over and clears the table so you leave them some money.
But not sure why ‘Next time you will just leave the $7 on there’. That is a dishonest company. I would tell everyone to never go there.
Also, not everyone drinks bubble tea. You assuming that kind of makes me want to call you a jerk.
If you like it, cool, go and enjoy. But don’t assume everyone likes what you like.” dbers26
12. AITJ For Not Telling My Aunt The Truth About Our Family Heirlooms?
“I (24F) lost my grandmother 6 months ago. My grandmother had two daughters, my mom (51F) and my aunt (48F). My grandmother had several diamond rings that have now been passed down to my mom and my aunt. My mom got 3 rings, my aunt got 2.
I am an only child (not by choice, mom had fertility issues) and my aunt has four daughters. For almost the entire six months since my grandmother died my aunt has bugged my mom about who she’s going to leave her rings to.
My aunt has somehow gotten it in her head that instead of all the rings my mom got going to me when she passes, that she should leave two of them to two of her daughters instead since she doesn’t have enough to leave each one to her daughters.
My mom said no as I was her only child and might have children one day to pass them down to as well. My mom tried to reason with her that she could take the diamonds out of the two rings and give them to her daughters to place in new settings so that they all get the diamonds.
My aunt said no as there aren’t enough diamonds in the rings to equally split among her daughters and the only way for it to be fair is if two of her daughters get two of my mom’s rings.
My aunt is calling/texting my mom almost daily about these rings when my grandmother hasn’t even been gone for a year. I know everyone deals with grief differently, but it’s really taking a toll on my mother as she’s trying to go through the process of grieving the loss of her mother while also trying to get her sister off her back about these stupid rings.
It reached the boiling point when my aunt left a voicemail for my mom ranting about the rings yet again and how my mom is being unfair and it’s not my aunt’s fault that she had four daughters and my mom had only me and that as a result her daughters are being ‘punished’ for my mom’s fertility issues.
I was FURIOUS.
A few days later I was having lunch with my cousin (29F). My cousin started prying for information about the rings. I lied and told her after my mom passed I was going to have my mom be buried with all three of them.
This way they’re taken out of the equation and I don’t have to deal with the same nonsense. My cousin was shocked, but quickly dropped the subject.
A few hours after lunch I received several angry texts/voicemails from my aunt calling me a slew of horrible names and telling me how selfish I was to deprive her daughters of these important family heirlooms. I calmly told her that she pushed it to this point and I wasn’t backing down.
She had put my mom through so much unnecessary stress and heartache over some silly pieces of jewelry and now they feel tainted to me as a constant reminder of how difficult these past months had been for my mom.
My aunt and her two oldest daughters now refuse to speak to me, but since then my mother hasn’t had to hear a single peep about the rings.
AITJ for lying about some family heirlooms? Should I just give in and give up two of the rings to keep the peace?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for lying, it’s none of their business, and it got the job done. Your mom needs to block the aunt for a couple of months, daily phone calls, while you’re grieving, are ridiculous. Your aunt sounds like a selfish, greedy woman, and I’d bet your grandmother knew that she was only interested in the jewelry, and that’s precisely why your mother got the majority of them.
Grandma wanted them with the child who loved her, not the one yelling, ‘Me, me, me!’
When they pass to you, keep the rings if you want them. Your mother is honoring your grandmother’s wishes, that she has them.
Your mother wants you to eventually have them. Honor her wishes, too.” Witty_Commentator
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I hate when people bury others before they are even dead. Your aunt is seriously missing a basic empathy gene in her makeup that far supersedes any fertility ‘failure’ on your mother’s part and if her daughters think this okay then to be honest she should not have procreated because that kind of entitlement is hard to grow out of.
What is wrong with her is that she thinks now, or anytime is okay to capitalize on someone’s grief? I am sorry for the loss of your grandmother and for the pain you are suffering at the hands of the ones who are supposed to be supportive in your shared grief.
Good for you for taking the heat and protecting your grieving mother.” Irishviking716
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That was a brilliant way to shut them down.
Please make sure your mom’s rings are somewhere safe. I could see Aunt or cousins stealing them when they were at her house visiting.
It might be worth getting your mom a small safe to keep her jewelry in.
When the time comes that your mom’s health is fading, I would suggest getting the rings out of her house and into a safety deposit box in your name.
Your aunt won’t wait to try to steal them from your mom’s graveside – she’ll try to take them before your mom actually passes. This is unfortunately common.” pupperoni42
But don't you dare give in. Keep them all!!
11. AITJ For Being Angry At My Brother-In-Law For Always Video Calling His Wife?
“My husband’s brother stayed with us for 3 weeks last month. He asked to stay with us for a bit while he was doing a week-long course in the area.
Somehow that got extended (unhappily) and he kind of just kept staying. He tends to get offended easily so I just tried to keep the peace but I’m starting to really not like the guy.
The most annoying part was that he talked to his wife on FaceTime CONSTANTLY.
If we’re making or eating dinner and she calls to say hi, he sets up the phone against a book and now she’s there too. If we’re playing a game, he calls her and narrates each turn.
If we’re watching a movie, same thing. I get calls to say hello (I personally hate being away from my husband) but this just feels very middle school to me, and we had to go out of our way to include her.
She would even be doing her own thing, like organizing a dresser and narrating it. This happened for many hours each night after work.
I was getting annoyed by the third week. I know I probably overreacted, but after him talking to her loudly during a movie I said (kind of snappily) that he should probably hang out in his room when he wanted to stay on with Rachel for hours.
He got mad and kind of had it out with my husband, saying he wasn’t feeling welcome and that my husband would never have thought that before I came along. He ended up leaving. I’m feeling a little bad but also still annoyed. AITJ for how I said it?”
Another User Comments:
“Hold on… it took you 3 weeks to say something? You are more patient than I would be in this situation.
Ideally, you or your husband would say something earlier. ‘We understand it is difficult to be away from a spouse for so long and don’t mind x ‘joining’ us for dinner.
However, having you narrate/talk while we are watching a movie or TV is disruptive. Also, I understand what she is doing is important to you, but we would like a bit more quiet time, and hearing her describe everything that is being done is distracting, could you take those calls in the room you are staying in’.
However, you didn’t and you should be able to enjoy your shows, time after work, and activities in your home without the disruption of hours-long video calls.
He was a guest in your home and should be respectful of that situation.
NTJ” travelkmac
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. His behavior was absolutely rude, and it needed to be addressed. However, it should have been done politely, it should have been done by your husband, and it should have been done before it got to the point where you felt snappish.
Your BIL is your husband’s brother, and he should be responsible for addressing issues with his side of the family. If it were your sibling, it would be your responsibility. This was annoying you for weeks. Your husband should have dealt with it the first week.” miyuki_m
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I’m sorry, but I would have snapped a long time ago to the constant narration. The yap yap for hours on end in the peace of my home would have driven me to murder pretty quickly.
‘He should probably hang out in his room,’ was hardly over the top after weeks of this. I’d of said the exact same thing after one hour on the first day. Instead of accepting and apologizing for what he was doing, he shifted the blame to you.
Don’t apologize for his behavior. It is common for bad behavior from a sibling to shift blame onto the wife, or husband of another sibling, don’t let him do that. His behavior was a breach of guest etiquette. He invited a person on screen into your space for hours on end.” User
10. AITJ For Just Saying "Good Luck"?
“Being used for emotional support is a big sore spot for me. I was born as a naturally empathetic and caring person. This was taken advantage of so many times to my detriment from childhood on, although I didn’t start to resent it and then get really angry until a few years ago.
I was the child who was constantly sat by the disruptive child or bully who made everyone’s life miserable, because I would be kind to them, and, it was futilely hoped, possibly ‘influence’ them. However, the kindness was never returned to me as I simply became the target of that child’s nonstop hassling or bullying.
I was already struggling in school due to undiagnosed learning disabilities, and struggling with friendships due to being quiet and shy. Being ALWAYS sat by troublemaking kids made this a million times worse, but I strove to be kind.
In middle school and high school, I would stay up until all hours of the night trying to help friends or even acquaintances wanting someone to listen to their severe mental health struggles.
I did my best but was in no way qualified, but I was guilt-tripped by multiple people into ‘supporting’ them all hours of the night, or else they claimed they would take drastic actions. They never seemed to consider the impact on me for even a moment, but I still strove to be kind.
As I got older I was the friend who always got calls when people wanted to recount their struggles for hours and hours and hours – relationships, work, friendships, every minute thing they wanted to complain about. I never asked for anything in return because I have always been pretty self-sufficient.
99% of these ‘conversations’ were monologues I just listened to. But I did eventually get into an extremely bad/extremely dangerous situation that I needed help with. EVERY SINGLE ONE of my ‘Friends’ at that time ghosted/blocked me! ONLY strangers and distant acquaintances helped me, and those kind strangers did help a lot.
After I recovered, I began to be filled with anger at what had happened. I decided never again would I provide that level of constant emotional support except to any future kids I might have. I would only date people who were like me, usually self-sufficient.
Of course, I’d support them in an emergency.
Still, I find that people who want 1-sided emotional support are really drawn to me. I’ve had new friends invite me out to something that sounded fun, only to literally corner me in a corner and trauma dump all their problems on me so I don’t even get to do the thing I was invited for.
That makes me really irritated.
So I was on a first date and this guy steers the conversation into trauma dumping all his problems onto me. I immediately knew this would not work for me so I mentally checked out.
When he was done I sincerely said ‘Good luck with all of that.’ I was sincere, not sarcastic. But I was ready to go and not willing to provide emotional support. According to him, I am a MAJOR jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you can only take so much. To him you are a jerk but dumping a lot on a stranger is dumb (and definitely an awful first date) so what did he expect? You were a date, not a therapist.
As for you – you’re worn out helping everyone else speak their fires while yours is neglected and cold. You’re disillusioned and while I don’t blame you (I’m in the same exact boat) I know it’s not a great place to be.
I suggest backing off from people who never have your back and finding two-way streets that will support you like you do them. Nothing is worse than being with people who make you feel alone.” cloistered_around
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re not responsible for everybody’s feelings. You’re not a therapist. It’s strange this person would dump all his problems on you, a person he just met, and then get mad when you didn’t react how he wanted you to.
That’s a red flag to me. Good for you, taking care of yourself and setting boundaries.” Feather757
Another User Comments:
“NTJ soooo hard.
I’ll bet that boy you went on a date with will tell all his friends ‘Women never care about men’s problems’ or something along those lines.
Every mental health professional will urge you NOT to trauma dump on anyone, let alone someone you are meeting for the first time. SOME people need to learn how to ask to talk about traumatic crap before just blurting it out.
It’s not okay, and you reacted correctly.” Borgirstadir
Other people's actions are their responsibility only, not yours. But if you're being mistreated the same way by ALL of your friends or dates, that's not just that kind of person being attracted to you. It's YOU being attracted to something in THEM.
It's a very normal trauma response to certain childhood conditions and it's something you need to learn to identify and change. Knowing you don't want relationships with people like that won't magically change the habit you have of gravitating toward them, that's something you'll have to purposefully learn.
9. WIBTJ If I Say My Wife Is Being Pretentious?
“My wife (30F) will be graduating with her Ph.D. this summer. I (31M) am very proud of her and excited for her. She has worked so hard! She wants to have a party to celebrate. I am 110% supportive of this.
Throughout the process, she has wanted something pretty casual: like an open-house reception type. I have helped her find a venue, pick out catering, and create the guest list and invitations.
We are now working on decorations and outfits, and I’m starting to feel like she is going overboard.
I was very surprised when she showed me some of the decorations she wanted. They say things like: ‘She believed she could, so she did’, ‘super educated, ‘dr in the house’, ‘dr (her name)’, and ‘now hotter by one degree’.
She also wants balloons and flowers – like flower centerpieces and a balloon photo backdrop thing. Then she tossed out the idea of having huge banners with her picture on them (which she said would also mean she’d need to hire a photographer).
For attire, she got me a t-shirt that says ‘I survived my wife’s Ph.D. program’ and wants me to wear it (which I think is perfect for me), but she wants to wear a formal gown (floor length and poofy), tiara, and sash that says ‘Ph.inisheD.’
This all seems over the top to me. Firstly, she got a Ph.D., not a medical degree so I think it is a little pretentious for her to use the ‘Dr.’ title. The venue already looks nice without decorations so I think having all the banners, signage, balloons, and flowers is too much – it’s a reception party around lunchtime, not a wedding.
I also think the sayings on the signage are pompous and send the wrong message to guests. Like she’s trying to say ‘I’m better than you’ with her decorations. Finally, the outfit she wants… I don’t get it.
She will be the center of attention anyway, she doesn’t need to dress so formally when everyone else is likely coming in shorts and t-shirts, maybe sun dresses. The only times she has dressed like this was for our wedding, and she’ll wear a tiara on her birthday, but with a regular nice dress, not a fancy gown.
Don’t come after me yet – I have kept my opinion to myself the whole time. I have said nothing but supportive things and continue to tell her she can have exactly what she wants. Up until a few days ago, I had absolutely no intention of saying anything about what I thought, however, she recently asked me if I thought people would think she was pretentious for having a party.
At that time I said, ‘Screw ‘em if they do’. She laughed, but I am now thinking maybe I should say something. It is a little pretentious right, not just the party, but all of it together? And if she’s really concerned about what her guests will think I’d be a jerk for saying nothing… right?
Or would I be the jerk for saying anything other than ‘do what you want’?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You are so proud of her but think she shouldn’t use ‘Dr’… a Ph.D. is a doctorate, and she is more than entitled to use that as her honorific.
And getting a Ph.D. is a great achievement – she should celebrate it. Maybe the photo banners are a bit much, but a celebration is still in order.
It’s really irritating that people think only medical doctors should use that title.
I call nonsense on that. Unless they have a Ph.D. then it’s a job title, not a degree title. If I had a Ph.D. you bet your butt I would be Dr. Alien Overlord and Mr. Smith.” alien_overlord_1001
Another User Comments:
“YTJ — don’t rain on her parade. Back in the old days, the faculty would’ve taken the new doctor out to the faculty club and toasted him and he would be all but guaranteed a good job and they’d all congratulate themselves on how important they are and all that.
But she’s had to learn, I guarantee the hard way, that she’s got a mutual appreciation society of one and that she has to celebrate herself. People celebrate a woman way more for losing a few pounds or saying yes to a marriage proposal than for getting a Ph.D.
Will people think she thinks she’s better than them because she’s ‘super educated’? What type of person goes to someone’s celebration and pouts ‘She thinks she’s so smart’? Not people who are real friends.” Pumpkinkra
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
My judgment is mostly based on your opinion that she’s pretentious for wanting to be called ‘Dr.’ This undermines her accomplishment AND others that also earned the title. Women and minority PhDs are impacted by men who don’t think the Dr title is worthy for them.
They are experts in their fields and deserve the recognition that they know more than you. The fact that you add this opinion to your post indicates, deep down, you question your wife’s education and knowledge. Even if you are throwing her a lavish party.” Klutzy-Scar3980
8. AITJ For Wanting My Partner To Come With Me On My First Scan?
“My partner started a new job earlier this month. I’m 12 weeks pregnant with baby #2 and we had our first scan booked about 6 weeks ago. He told me before starting he had cleared it with his new job.
About an hour before our first scan, he called me and told me something had come up at work and he wasn’t going to be able to make it to the scan. I burst into tears and told him I needed him there.
He ended up coming but was really stressed, not very present, and had thought it was going to be much quicker than it was. Everything was running late with the scan. He had people waiting for him back at work, his phone was constantly ringing and he ended up leaving early to get back halfway through the scan once the heartbeat had been confirmed but before I got the risk results.
I was encouraging him to leave because his ‘don’t want to be here’ energy was stressing me out.
I feel a bit robbed out of what was a special moment for us with baby #1 but I also recognize he is under pressure to perform at his new job and it wasn’t essential that he came – after all during the global crisis women had to attend these scans all alone.
More important he keeps his job for when the baby is here. Me saying I wanted him there in case anything went badly was maybe too needy and emotionally manipulative but I didn’t know how I’d have handled it. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
You wanted a storybook ‘look at our baby’ moment, and real life intruded. Just like it intruded the previous time. It sounds like the spouse made a legit effort, and b*******d plans went sideways.
Although, as insensitive as it is, I had to LOL at the ‘he thought it would be much quicker’. The only thing you can count on with medical appointments (especially pregnancy-related appointments), is that you can’t count on anything. LOL.
I would recommend being very conscious/intentional with open communication & don’t assume what the other is thinking. You assuming he had ‘I don’t want to be their energy’ is a quick trip to Resentment-Town. Guilt/shame/anxiety/stress/disappointment can really skew reality.” maybeRaeMaybeNot
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You’re making drama and stress out of things that really don’t need to be dramatic.
It’s not your child’s birth. It’s not a special moment like a gender reveal scan. It’s not a moment that is emotionally tough for you because a suspicion about a mal-development needed to be solved. Those are moments to be upset about.
Other than that, he’s trying. He took off but unfortunately, it didn’t work. He’s not mentally present because they’re about to rip him a new one. How is he going to provide for you and the baby when he starts to worry about losing his job because he lost customer x or got his boss mad during a job-related emergency for a not-really emergency scan?
(That’s the worst-case scenario, but hey, people love to picture the worst possible outcome which might have been why he wanted to go back as soon as possible).” InkedAlly
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You had every right to desire your husband to be present, both physically and mentally.
It’s okay to be disappointed that the experience wasn’t as you had hoped. Your husband is also in a probationary period, and attending an appointment when he felt pressured to minimize his time away probably WAS stressful. Each of you had an opportunity to manage your feelings (disappointment, stress) differently.
You each didn’t. Cut each other some slack and move on.” Fit-Ad-7276
I think in this situation his job should have taken precedence. Because it's still so new.
7. AITJ For Asking To Get Paid For Something I Didn't Do?
“I babysit 3 kids (3f, 5m, 8f) semi-regularly. Last month the mom texted me and asked if I could drive the kids to school/daycare, pick them up, and babysit for 3 hours after for all of last week.
I said yes and told her how much I’d charge for the week. She agreed and then told me her husband’s work schedule changed and they only needed me Wednesday-Friday. I adjusted my price and she paid in advance.
Wednesday I get to their house at 7:30 to get the car/booster seats and to drive the kids to school. Their dad gave me the car seats and told me they don’t need me to drive the kids to school at all this week.
Then he asked if I could deduct that from my price and pay it back to them.
I told him no. I was not told that I would not be driving them to school until the day off so they will not be refunded. Then on Saturday, he sent me a Venmo request for what he thinks I owe them.
I didn’t pay him and he got my mom involved (they’re my mom’s friends).
My mom thinks I need to pay them back because I’m charging for a service I did not provide but I think if they didn’t make it clear that I would not be driving them to school when they already changed the schedule that’s on them.
AITJ for charging for a service I didn’t provide?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They changed the terms of the agreement last minute. Airlines, doctors’ offices, hairdressers, hotels, and personal trainers, are just a few examples of industries that will still charge the customer if they cancel at the last minute.
You would not have agreed to babysit had you known they’d change the terms or the payment at the last moment. You agreed to give them a certain amount of your time, and that’s exactly what you did.
Good for you for knowing that your time is valuable. Don’t back down.” Pepper-90210
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were prepared to provide the service and they changed their minds at the last minute. To avoid this problem in the future, you should consider having your clients sign a contract that lists all of your policies.
If you don’t want to do that type up your policies and text or email them to your clients before they book your services. That way you’ll have a paper trail that you disclosed your policies and they agreed to them.” Mother_Tradition_774
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You accepted the compensation and agreed to provide the allotted time. There’s an opportunity cost attached to your time in addition to the financial one. You committed that time to them instead of to something else, something else which could have made you money.
It’s not your problem that they decided to change things at the last minute. You had still committed that time to them.
Explain the opportunity cost to your mom, and point out that you kept your commitment and your word, so you’re keeping the money.
I would also point out to your mom that you’re the only person behaving ethically in this situation.
I also wouldn’t babysit for these people anymore. Too messy. Their loss.” Feeling-Visit1472
6. AITJ For Wanting My Wife To See A Different Doctor?
“My (29M) wife (26F) is pregnant and as such we have been seeing an obstetrician (41M). He is a really imposing guy, both physically (very tall and fit) and in terms of personality.
He has had a really hostile and condescending attitude toward me since we first met for apparently no reason. The first time we were there, my wife was carrying a big purse, and, as soon as we went inside, he started questioning me for not carrying it myself and letting my pregnant wife do that effort.
I was surprised by that and don’t like confrontations so I just took the purse myself and apologise to my wife. The issue is that things have only gotten worse since then.
Whenever he has to explain medical things to me, he talks in a really belittling way as if I was a little kid.
He acts frustrated and derisive any time I ask something, making me feel like an idiot. He does not talk like that to my wife and she explains that it is because of her being a nurse and a doctor then knowing she is more knowledgeable than me with that kind of medical stuff.
He also calls me by my last name but not in a respectful manner, just in a weird and cold way, while calling my wife ‘Lily’.
My wife seems to really like him. He always gives her compliments about how she looks and congratulates her for being so great at everything related to the pregnancy.
I told my wife I wanted us to leave him and go to a different doctor but she is refusing. She says that changing would be stressful for her and that she doesn’t have any problem with him. She argues that how she feels should be the only thing that matters because she is the pregnant one but I think that is a little unfair.
We have been in conflict about this and it is even harder than a normal argument because the pregnancy makes her so emotional and irrational.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It’s amazing you’re calling her emotional and irrational when you’re literally asking her to make a major medical decision based on your emotions.
From your attitude here, I’m guessing you have a giant ego and feel like you need to assert to the doctor that you know everything, when you don’t, hence him getting irritated with you.
But even if that weren’t the case, it’s your wife’s body.
Not yours. She gets 100% of the say in who her doctor is.
Best of luck to your wife.” Outrageously_Penguin
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It’s fine that you don’t like the doctor, but I also feel like it’s not really your choice to make.
It’s your wife who is pregnant, and I think she’s absolutely right that finding another doctor is very stressful in the middle of a pregnancy. Good doctors are hard to find to begin with, so if she feels this doctor is good and trusts him, then it’s wrong to pressure her to switch.
I also feel like some of your reasoning for wanting to switch is a little weird. If he’s not respectful to you, that’s one thing. However, you made a point to note how physically fit and imposing he is. That makes it kind of sound like you have ulterior motives or reasons for wanting her to switch doctors.” YearOneTeach
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. First for calling your wife ’emotional’ when it’s YOUR emotions causing the problem!
Beyond that, this is her doctor. Whatever you think of him, SHE is comfortable with his care. Her body is the one on the line, so it’s her choice who she sees.
And you are weirded out that he calls your wife by her name? She’s his patient. Every one of my doctors calls me by my name.
There is no reason for your wife to change doctors other than your insecurity.” MbMinx
5. AITJ For Taking My Wife's Possible Termination Of Pregnancy Lightly?
“My wife (F28) is approx. 6 weeks pregnant with our second child. We had our first child 3 years ago with no issues whatsoever after about a month of trying to become pregnant.
This second pregnancy has also been without issues related to conceiving, as she became pregnant less than two months after we stopped using protection.
Today, she called me (M29) during the day. She was worried it could be an involuntary termination of pregnancy. She was very upset, and I told her not to stress about it. If it’s a miscarriage, then it’s a miscarriage.
I told her to call the doctor’s office and to rest and take it easy – maybe it’s not even bad news? I know it’s perfectly natural to have an involuntary termination of pregnancy before week 12, and we both know that we generally don’t have a problem conceiving.
If we were unlucky this time, it’s okay, it’s not a disaster, and we will just try again. My wife didn’t like this reaction at all. She was upset by my reaction and hung up on me.
I’m currently studying for the bar exam, which I’m taking later this week, and I’m using most of the week with my study group.
I picked up our daughter from daycare at the end of the workday and came home, and my wife is angry with me for not taking her miscarriage seriously enough.
I told her I’m really sorry, and that I understand that it was not easy to go through.
I’m trying to comfort her, but she won’t let me be a part of it, because she says I don’t care.
I do care, but I’m also stressed out about the bar exam, and I know it’s perfectly natural to have a miscarriage.
I’m not stressed that we will have any trouble becoming pregnant again.
Of course, the situation makes me sad, but I accept reality, and at the same time I’m stressed out with other obligations. I want to comfort her within reason, and now she won’t let me.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – As someone who has had a similar experience to your wife with regards to how easy it is for me to get pregnant and also having suffered an early miscarriage, it’s not about how easy it is to become pregnant again.
It’s about finding out all your hopes and dreams for this tiny person you’ve already bonded with are now gone. That you’ll never get to meet them and see the person they’ll become; never get to hold them.
Having a miscarriage is painful in more than one way and it flew way over your head.” lEauFly4
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You may be stressed out with other obligations, but your wife needs your support right now. That doesn’t mean you have to be overly emotional or anything, but you should be understanding and compassionate.
It’s perfectly natural to have an involuntary termination of pregnancy, but that doesn’t make it any less difficult for your wife. She needs your understanding and comfort right now, not a logical explanation. It’s like when a friend is going through a tough time; you don’t need to have the perfect solution, you just need to be a shoulder to lean on.” The_IT_Dude_
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – I understand where you are coming from, the impact of a miscarriage at this point is indeed probably going to be pretty minimal from a practical point of view. But despite that, it probably would have a severe emotional impact, especially from the point of view of the mother.
You made the classic error of responding to an emotional crisis with logic, aimed at ‘solving’ the crisis. Your wife does not need a solution – she just needs you to acknowledge her feelings and trust that she can rely on you through the perceived crisis (which is a difficult thing to feel when you have effectively tried to deny that any crisis exists in the first place).
Reiterate that your intentions were good and that trying to manage the crisis was your way of trying to care for her in the way that you knew how… but more importantly, that you now understand how your response was insensitive, and know better know now how she really needs to be cared for, and vow to do better.” The_________________
4. AITJ For Exposing My Brother-In-Law's Past?
“I’m 37F and I come from a close-knit family. I have 2 younger siblings (28M and 27F) and my sister recently got engaged to FBIL (23M) after going out with him for around a year.
We all know him well and I have always got along with him. He comes from a rough background but he has always been very polite and charming. He doesn’t talk about his own family or about his upbringing. My sister said it’s a painful topic for him so no one ever pushed.
There was recently a family event that FBIL attended. He was quiet during the day (he is normally high-energy and sociable) then disappeared for a while. When I went outside for some fresh air I bumped into him. He was emotional and said it was a hard day for him due to negative associations.
He ended up offloading some quite shocking things from his past including that he has a history of very serious substance use. I felt for him at the time because he was so upset (literally crying on my shoulder) but afterward, I felt more and more uncomfortable.
I still feel bad for him since he clearly regrets it but it’s very shocking to find out he has that kind of history and it does make me feel differently about him.
Obviously, I told my husband what FBIL told me because I didn’t feel comfortable keeping it to myself.
I also told my sister because I didn’t know how honest he had been with her and it could impact her decision to marry him. She was angry and said she was fully aware and it doesn’t make her think less of him.
I know others might disagree but I decided if my sister and FBIL weren’t going to bring it up then it was my responsibility to make sure my family had the information they needed to make an informed choice about what kind of relationship they have with him.
My parents agreed that it was the right thing to do and were grateful. My brother said he could see my point but didn’t think it was my responsibility to share that information. My brother’s wife thought I was out of line.
When my sister found out I told our family about FBIL’s sketchy past, she was very angry. She is now refusing to speak to me altogether because apparently, this has affected FBIL quite badly. They are no longer engaged because ‘he thinks he’s not good enough for her’ and no one in my family has seen him since all of this happened. Obviously, that wasn’t my intention and no one said: ‘He isn’t good enough’.
I think it’s naive to pretend that you see someone exactly the same way after finding out they’re an addict, whether you like it or not there are risks that come with that lifestyle and relapses are common. I’m concerned that my sister will get hurt and I don’t think it’s unreasonable for my family to have access to the same information I do, especially when they’re inviting him to their homes and there are children around etc.
AITJ for informing my family about FBIL’s background?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ completely. You had someone in a vulnerable position tell you something in confidence only to turn around, judge them, and then make sure everyone else had the same opportunity to pass judgment themselves.
Your sister told you she knew and that’s where it should have stopped. It’s not your place to out someone’s personal life to people that aren’t already privy to said information. To think you could possibly not be the jerk is so jaded it’s sick.
I hope you enjoyed the relationship you had with your sister because it’s destroyed now because of your ‘Holier than thou’ sense of judgment.” TophEsauruS
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You didn’t think it was your responsibility to keep your family informed – you wanted to let everyone know what you know, that you were the one he turned to.
He was feeling very vulnerable, and you were there to take advantage of it. Rather than thinking how incredibly difficult it was for him to turn his life around, you saw him in a worse, negative way. You are judgmental, opinionated, and attention-seeking.
That you feel no regret is further evidence of this.
You let your sister and FBIL down and have caused them incredible pain. Shame on you.” SheeScan
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You are my worst nightmare—everything I pray my friends and family is not.
The deepest circle of the underworld is reserved for the treacherous. This man cried on your shoulder and told you his deepest secrets. You then proceeded to gossip like a callous, shortsighted, middle-school snotball. Good job screwing over your familial relationships, possibly forever.
If I were your sister, I’d never trust you again.
I understand that you’re concerned for the children in your family, but you could have discussed it further with your sister instead of taking matters into your own hands. It might have resulted in a fight, but nothing like the crap you’ve gotten yourself into now.
If you want even a microscopic hope of unscrewing yourself, you need to apologize right away.” GiraBuca
3. AITJ For Telling My Mom The Truth Why I Don't Want Her To Babysit?
“I (28F) have had a rocky relationship with mom most of my life, mainly because of how differently she treats my elder sister (43F) vs me, the ‘black sheep.’ When my sister had kids, I saw that she still treated us differently but not my sister’s kids.
When my sister asked mom to watch my nephews, my sister would be lucky to get an hour to herself before mom would be calling her, demanding that she come to get the kids and the fits she threw because she ‘had’ to watch them.
I always thought how awful that was and vowed not to let Mom watch my kids, well I’ve stuck to it and it really bothers Mom. She only sees my daughter on birthdays or rare family gatherings. She came over unannounced yesterday and went off about how she never sees my daughter, and I lost it with her.
I yelled at her about how she always treated my nephews/sister when she needed a break and I would not subject myself nor my 6-year-old daughter to the same treatment that they got and kicked her out of my house.
I’ve been getting calls from random family members calling me colorful names, and I’m wondering if I’m the jerk.
All the calls I’ve been receiving have made me think I was wrong for what I said and how I handled it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your mom sounds pretty manipulative. Stick to your boundaries, don’t let her manipulate you into playing her game. The family members who are worth keeping around will recognize that there are two sides to the story, even if they maybe need a gentle reminder of the fact.
Those who blindly support your mom and attack you are probably not worth keeping contact with, so I’d go low contact or no contact with them.” Material-Profit5923
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Keep the safety and well-being of your daughter a priority, as you can never know how she would be treated to the moment to leave her alone with your mom.
You will thank yourself later, even when some family members are stressing you out now. I mean what will stress you more? Them calling you behaving like crap or leaving your daughter with your mom because others demanded that you do so?
If you have a reason to feel like your mom can not be trusted you are in your right to protect her and if she was pushing your boundaries for that it’s no surprise you snapped at her.” LadySpaghettimonster
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for telling her. Straightforward communication is usually the best approach, even when you know it won’t be received well, because it at least offers the other party something to respond to and sometimes that response can have a positive outcome.
Yelling at her and kicking her out of the house? That almost always makes someone a jerk. If the other party started yelling then it becomes like everybody sucks, but once you descend to their level you forfeit the high ground.
I’m going to stick with my NTJ judgment but it does sound like you didn’t handle it well.” ditchdiggergirl
2. AITJ For Serving Only Water At My Wedding?
“Basically my husband and I are getting married later this year.
Each of our sides of the family is fairly big. It will be around 100-150 people in total. My husband and I are paying for this all ourselves, as well as my grandma who said she doesn’t care one way or the other on this issue.
She just loves weddings.
We have a lot of kids in our family so we decided against making it child-free but we did decide to make it dry. So there will be no booze of any kind at our wedding.
Honestly, this doesn’t have anything to do with there being kids there but due to the fact that my fiancé and I don’t drink. Nothing against people who do, it’s just not for us and we don’t want to. On top of that, we only really drink water.
We rarely, if ever, drink soda so most of the time it’s only water with the occasional juice and milk. We don’t even drink coffee.
So obviously the food (which is a part my grandma is not paying for) is going to be expensive for that many people.
We are having our wedding catered so everyone will have a good choice of food to choose from but to drink only water will be provided. We don’t want to have to pay for booze or soda, it is just a large added expense when we can just do filtered water for a MUCH cheaper cost.
Well, when family and friends found out being got angry. Some didn’t really care but some are really upset about it. Saying that I can just have an open bar so I don’t have to pay for drinks (we could, but still have to pay for the bartender and we just really don’t want to bother with booze there).
Or we should at least have soda because how can we expect everyone to drink ONLY water? The kids will be upset. The wedding will be boring. That this is not how weddings work. Etc.
So AITJ? I didn’t think this would be a problem!
It’s only water. I mean, don’t most people drink water every day anyway? Should we pay the extra to have a soda to make the family happy?”
Another User Comments:
“I know that technically you could be in the right, but here’s the thing about weddings, the marriage ceremony is for you and your fiancé.
The wedding is for everyone you’ve invited, it’s an event you’re hosting, and not providing any drinks other than water makes you a bad host/hostess.
I’ve been to dry weddings. There was a couple that put real thought and effort into designing mocktails themed around their relationship.
It was delightful and everyone connected to the couple through it. Another couple had a sparkling cider tower in place of champagne and everyone cheered with cider in flutes.
When you’re hosting an event, your job as a hostess is to take care of your guests.
Just because it follows a marriage ceremony doesn’t make you any less the host of an event. And that means providing more than one drink option Especially to an event your guests are incurring expenses to attend and bringing gifts.
YTJ honestly. I fully support a dry wedding but only water as a beverage is being a cheap host.” Sea_Rise_1907
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I think it’s totally fine to have a dry wedding. You don’t drink!
It makes sense. Some people will complain because they depend on liquor to cope with social situations but if you don’t drink, a dry wedding makes total sense.
That said, only serving water is weird. For a dry wedding, depending on formality, I would expect sparkling water and soda (more casual) or some sort of fun ‘mocktail’/fancy soda/raspberry or mint lemonade thing.
I think you can do just fine with sparkling water, and purchased lemonade from Costco or Walmart that you have the caterer add mint or lavender or raspberry purée or something to jazz it up a bit. But it would be very strange to only serve water.
In terms of ‘isn’t water what most people drink?’, No. Not in America. A lot of people don’t drink water at all. And certainly not on a festive occasion. A nice flavored drink is more celebratory.” ghost_hyrax
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You’re really cheaping out here and no one will think it’s ANYTHING else. Why do you need a huge selection of food but can’t give people a decent beverage?
Also – a 150-person DRY wedding – I mean only if it’s a lunch or something.
I personally think expecting people to shell out their time and money to attend a wedding (likely on a Sat night) and then tell them they can’t have a drink BECAUSE YOU DON’T is rude because being a host is not about what you do but showing your guests hospitality.
Since budget is clearly a big issue here, you can make it a cash bar. This is really not a huge cost for you at all even if you pay the bartender’s time that’s not a lot esp AGAIN for a 150-person wedding which is obv not small/intimate.” OLAZ3000
1. AITJ For Not Being Fair To My Children?
“I (F44) have 4 children with my husband (M47). They are E (F14) G (M12) B (F11) and J (M10). Yes, I know they are close in age. That is irrelevant.
At age 10, we got our oldest a cell phone because she is very involved in musical theater, and at that point in time had 2-4 rehearsals 20-40 minutes from the house.
In order to feel comfortable leaving her there, we decided that it would be best if she had a phone. We chose an inexpensive smartphone so that we could install some tracking apps, life360 and Google Family (at 13, we loosened some of the controls on Google Family, she understands the need for Life 360, especially as she will be getting her learner’s permit in 6 mo).
If I had thought this through more, I would have waited, because when you have 4 kids, you have to keep everything fair. So my two middle kids also got phones when they were 10.
Here is the problem. My youngest just turned 10.
He has multiple diagnosed behavior problems, including major anger issues. We are pursuing treatment, but getting in to see a doctor is super hard. He has destroyed every tech device he has owned. When he gets angry, he throws things and hits walls, furniture, or anything they are around.
He has broken his bedroom window, and there are multiple dents and holes in our walls that he has made. He also broke my husband’s computer screen when he was told he had to get off the computer. He also has been super entitled since he was little, which I don’t understand because that isn’t our lifestyle.
None of our kids are spoiled or consistently get name-brand clothes or shoes (unless they are second-hand).
Honestly, I don’t think he is responsible enough for a phone. My husband came up with the plan that we will give him G’s phone (E didn’t want a new phone) and get G a new phone.
This was agreed upon by all parties, but J forgot about it. He is also saying that Dad told him he would get a Pixel phone, which is a complete lie.
However, now that he has turned 10, he is angry he’s not getting a new phone, but instead his brother’s old phone, and has been screaming and crying about this.
Yes, I realize that none of my kids should have gotten phones, but I can’t go back in time. So, now I feel like I might be the jerk since he is not getting something that his siblings got.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I wouldn’t give him a phone at all given his behavior… breaking rules has consequences. He’s not getting something his siblings got, but there is a reason for it, his behavior. Maybe tell him if he stops causing so much trouble you may let him have a phone in the future.
Not to mention, why does a ten-year-old need a brand-new phone anyways? If you are going to give him a phone, an old one is good enough.” Tdluxon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Fairness is not always equal. That’s a large part of why parents are often cautioned against using age as the sole deciding factor for these things.
Your older children were allowed a phone because they 1) were over the age you’d set and 2) had shown they were responsible enough to be trusted with them.
The only problem I see here is that you didn’t adequately convey 2 to them until someone hadn’t shown that responsibility.
I would absolutely clarify that moving forward: ‘You will earn the right to have a phone when you have (insert condition).’ ‘You can earn the right to a new phone when you (insert condition related to the old phone).’
If his anger issues are that severe, he’ll probably rail against this. I’d stay firm, and not get him any phone until he meets the condition.
I would not punish G for his behavior by delaying G’s new phone!
Only other point I had: ‘Yes, I realize that none of my kids should have gotten phones’
Why? Do you feel 10 is too young? Were they irresponsible? Or is it just that you feel it’s inappropriate for J?
Fairness is not always equal. You have to meet your children where they are. It sounds like your older kids did just fine!” AnonymousTruths1979
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but buy him the new phone.
Sit him down, turn on your phone’s camera, and record him agreeing that he is only getting ONE phone. It will have an Otterbox or similar case to protect it against ‘accidents.’ If he gets mad and breaks it, then he will no longer have a phone.
Have him repeat that and ask, is that not fair? That if he loses his temper and takes it out on the phone, he will not get another one.
If he inevitably breaks it, show him the video to remind him he knew the consequences.
I guess if the kids have allowances, then he can spend his allowance to get it fixed but I wouldn’t think you’d give a 10-year-old enough to cover repairs to a smartphone.
And for everyone’s sake, get him into therapy as soon as possible.
There’s nothing more frightening than a male teenager with anger issues.” happyhedonist
