People Have Heated Debates In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Not Wanting My Partner To Invite Her Single Mom Friend To A Baseball Game?
“My (26M) friend Jordan just moved back into the area and I wanted to go out to celebrate. So I bought 4 tickets to a baseball game with the plan to meet our other friends (a couple and 2 guys friends of mine) at the game and then go out after.
So it is eight of us (5 guys, our two partners, and the extra ticket I got). Since the extra ticket was basically free I told my partner to bring a friend. It wasn’t intended as a double date for Jordan but since he moved and my partner has a lot of friends, I assumed she would invite one of her single fun friends and just see what happens.
Well, she told me who she planned on inviting and I have an issue with it. She wants to invite her friend Claire. Now Claire isn’t a bad person at all. She’s very nice. But she’s a single mom. And I’ve gone out with her before and it wasn’t great.
Literally all she talks about is her kid. She spends the entire time on her phone texting the babysitter and usually leaves early. The last time we went out she left at like 10 o’clock, my partner agreed to leave with her which killed the group’s vibe and everyone left. She just doesn’t add all that much to a night out.
And also I know my friend wouldn’t be interested in a single mom. I explained all these reasons to my partner. I suggested we should bring someone who will stay out all night with us. The plan is to bar-hop after the game and stay out.
So why would we bring someone who is most likely gonna wanna leave right after the game? And while it’s not a double date. Why shouldn’t we play matchmaker a little bit? My partner has a lot of single friends that would be much better options.
So we’ve been debating this. And I said since I paid for the tickets I think I should get a say in who my partner brings. She is saying that I’m being a jerk. That yes her friend might go home early because she has responsibilities but that doesn’t make her a bad time.
I said why wouldn’t we bring someone with no responsibilities. Who can enjoy the entirety of the night and won’t just be talking about their kid the whole time? She’s saying I’m being a jerk. I don’t think I am.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Lmao. You: “Here babe! You’re coming to a game with six of my chosen friends. But look, superstar! You get a basically free ticket to invite whoever you want.”
Her: “Wow thanks babe. I decided to invite my friend Claire, with this ticket you gave me to invite whoever I want.
As we know, she’s a single mom and doesn’t get to go out and have fun often. She would probably appreciate a night away to a ballgame since you didn’t mention any other activities.”
You: “How dare you. My friend would never want used goods.
Why didn’t you invite one of your hot friends that I enjoy talking to, so believe my friend would as well. How could you not know I meant whoever you want as in ‘as long as I deem them appropriate for Jordan’. God babe, it was right there when I said basically free.
Also, we’re bar hopping. Get it together.”
YTJ. Quit talking to your partner like you’re aggressively hitting on her at a frat party. You’re 26.” DeviantDahlia
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You said she could bring a friend, not that you had to vet them first. You have 8 people going?
Is there no shortage of people to entertain you? Not to mention there’s a baseball game going on and bar hopping after. How could one person, who will most likely talk to your partner the whole time, kill the vibe of an entire group of people… by talking about her kid and leaving early?
Maybe they felt your company was lame after she left… not the other way around.” pelorizado83
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. So you’re a pimp? We’re pimping out your partner’s friends out to your friends? Not to mention, she’s a MOM, of course she wants to talk about her kids.
All my mom does is talk about me. Of course she’s texting the babysitter and leaving early she’s a MOM. She has responsibilities. Now she’s a mom but that doesn’t mean she can’t go out and have a nice time with her friends.
Also, it seems highly rude of you to say that her being a single mom makes her undesirable: And NO you shouldn’t play matchmaker, how old are you? 16?” nikkyisdumb
21. AITJ For Refusing To Pay All The Essential Bills After My Brother Moved Out?
“I (16f) live with my mom (40f) and my sister (22f) and my 2 youngest siblings after my parents split up. Before we moved she made the bills arrangement of who is paying what and she tasked me and my older brother (18m) to pay the essential bills since we both work.
And I was okay with that for the first few months, then my older brother moved in with my dad and now they expect me to pay all of the essential bills.
I didn’t want to because I was already paying for my car insurance ($200).
And I just recently bought a new phone because ever since I started working I’ve never really had the chance to buy something for myself because I was always paying some sort of bill. I calculated after buying my phone and I learned that I wouldn’t be able to pay the full bill, because I need some money left over to buy myself food while at work.
I told my sister this and she said that I need to be more responsible and act more like an adult or I could just go live with my dad.
It is 5 of us in a 3 bedroom 2 bathroom apartment. My mom pays the rent ($900) while my sister pays for the family car ($300-$500).
Initially, my brother and I were paying no more than $80 each for the essential bills. I get paid $13 per hour working 40 hours each week working 5 days a week, making my paycheck $700 at min every 2 weeks.
AITJ”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The most you should be paying is your phone, car insurance and your own personal car, gas for your car, and clothing beyond basics, like nicer shoes, bags, entertainment/going out money.
Household bills and food at home, family car expenses, etc should be covered by the parent or adult children over 18 and out of high school. You’re 16, in high school and your family’s expectations of you are ridiculous.” MissionRevolution306
Another User Comments:
“You are 16 years old under no circumstances should you be paying for any of the household bills.
As a 16-year-old I can understand you are responsible for your cell phone, your car, your insurance however you should not be paying for the household. Including extras like eating out. If you are 18 and an adult yes you have to contribute because technically you should be out living on your own and spending money on rent etc on your own.
If your mother cannot support all of you as children then she needs to ask for support from the government it is not on you to pay her bills. Is your father providing child support? It’s your mother’s responsibility to figure out how to house and support you guys not you guys support her.” MJSP88
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The 2 adults in the house should be making up the difference with your brother leaving not you. I don’t understand this situation at all. First, your mother needs to step up. She is responsible for taking care of her children. With your sister being an adult she also has that responsibility since she’s still living at home.
You should be focused on school as a child. Right now you are working like an adult which is commendable. And you’re doing what you can which is even more commendable. But that is all you can do. Don’t let your sister bully you into this.
Talk to your mom and tell her all you can do is what was first agreed upon. She is going to have to figure it out because that is her responsibility. She is either going to have to get some child support or look into some other government programs or charities or downsize to make that rent bill smaller.
Please try to get yourself out of this situation. You seem smart and resourceful. Start figuring out a future outside of this “home”. I’d hate for this to be your life much longer after high school.” KAT_GRL_WNDR
20. AITJ For Wanting My Sister To Pay Me On Time For Doing My Niece's Hair?
“My (21f) sister (33f) and I see each other pretty often.
She has three kids ages 1,2, and 4 who I babysit frequently for free. Recently my sister started to ask me to do my 4-year-old niece’s hair every week by washing, braiding, and styling it for school. She used to go to a salon where they would only wash it and put product for $35 (but not style it).
We agreed that on Sunday I would do her hair and style it for $35. My sister doesn’t do her own daughter’s hair because she says she doesn’t have the time and she doesn’t really know how to upkeep it because it’s black hair.
(Keep in mind I have black hair but she doesn’t because we have different fathers.)
I have no problem with doing my niece’s hair, but my sister frequently does not pay me without having to be reminded 2/3 times and will not pay me on Sunday and continue to push it back for a week or two.
It is really frustrating and I feel like she should be paying me on time. She said I shouldn’t get paid at all because it’s my niece, but I disagree because it takes 2 hours to do her hair and sometimes more. My niece will also scream and hit because she hates washing her hair.
I feel like not doing it at all now and my sister said I’m being a jerk. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s crazy how many people have family members who expect free labor. Of course you love your niece, your sister will turn this around as if you don’t if you don’t agree to her demands.
I would like to think if I had a child with different kind of hair than my own I would do my best to learn how to style it myself, not bully my much younger sister into submission. Only do this if you’re prepaid, your sister is fine taking advantage of you as long as she can get away with it.” gratebambino
Another User Comments:
“She’s playing games about the money assuming you will stop asking and reminding because doing so gets awkward. Now she’s letting you know she doesn’t want to pay you at all which is obvious. Don’t confront. Be away next Sunday.
The Sunday following, be unavailable for the time of day she finds convenient. Meanwhile, take your niece out for ice cream or a kid activity or a visit to the park. That is being a good aunt and you won’t ask her to pay you for that.
Mom should be learning how to do her child’s hair. Make it so inconvenient for her to rely on you. Then offer to teach her. Don’t let her draw you into an argument.” 2ndcupofcoffee
Another User Comments:
“Of all the darn caucasity. NTJ.
She has children who have ethnically different hair from her and she cannot be bothered to learn how to properly care for it. That poor child deserves better. $35 to do her child’s hair is a darn STEAL. She needs to grasp the fact that her child’s hair requires more care than her own does.
Your sister is being lazy. I have 2 biracial grandchildren. One has hair that is closer to the texture of caucasian hair but it still requires additional care. The other has a different texture but is still tiny so not fully known what care will be needed. Bet darn sure I am asking questions and doing my best to learn more and understand it.
Tell sis today that she needs to Venmo, cash app, or Paypal the money or have cash in hand before you arrive so you can do the hair. She wouldn’t go to a salon and not pay. And the entitlement of expecting you to do it free….she needs a swift kick.
You’ll do it free when sis deep cleans your house for free every week.” FeistyIrishWench
19. AITJ For Not Arranging Transport For My Wedding Guests?
“I (M) live in a different town to my parents, I’ve been moved away for almost 8 years. My partner and I (we’ve been together the whole 8 years) are getting married, and we’ve invited most of his family and I’ve invited most of mine.
My folks aren’t the richest, and neither are we; we literally canceled our initial wedding because it was too expensive and we’ve settled on a very modest one. We’ve booked a room to hold our wedding party in our town, which is about an hour’s drive from where my parents live.
I had a phone call from my mother saying that I hadn’t thought this through properly and I should arrange to have a coach pick up everyone from my hometown. I said that it’s a great idea but since I don’t live there anymore, maybe someone could take charge over there and arrange it.
She then explained that I should do it, and I explained that I’m already arranging most of the wedding and will be too busy.
I then get an angry call from my father who has said that if I don’t arrange it, then no one from our hometown, he and my mum included, will attend the wedding.
Specifically, he said that since it’s my wedding, it shouldn’t be a cost to him, and that until that changes, he and my mum are not attending. Sensing that he wanted an argument, I explained I’m sorry to hear that but I understand if the money is an issue.
He then exploded, saying that I don’t care about the family and that he is finished with me, and no longer wishes to speak to me. My mum is taking his side as well.
I really don’t think it’s my responsibility to arrange transport for all my individual wedding guests.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I don’t know how your relationship with your parents has been up until now but I’m getting the feeling this isn’t the first time you’ve butted heads. I don’t think you should give in. If they don’t want to come to your wedding, that’s their choice.
You can’t be expected (or demanded) to provide transportation. I’d limit or cut contact if they don’t show up. Something tells me they don’t like your fiancé or are against the wedding for some other reason.” LoveBeach8
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s an hour’s drive, not an eight-hour flight.
If money is that much of an issue, they can drive in for the wedding, and drive home without having to stay in a hotel for the night. My guess is that there are other issues at play here, your parents are using this as their lightning rod to get things their way.
Do not back down, this is nothing more than emotional abuse, and you would be best to let them stew than to bring yourself down to their level. You handled it perfectly. Also, congrats on the wedding!” Minimum_Practice_716
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am just hypothesizing here, but I get the feeling that your parents are upset that you are not holding the wedding in their town, where you grew up, so they can play as hosts.
They are throwing this hissy fit because you have maintained control of your wedding. My mother tried something like this: I moved across the country, decided to get married there after a few years and my mother told me that she probably would not attend my wedding because she was not interested in visiting that area.
(She did attend, her sister forced her.) I sent her the invitations for those family friends and relatives whose addresses I did not have (1990s, no Google), and ten years later I found out she never sent them because she decided that no one would want to travel to my wedding, so why invite them?
I got the pack of invitations back around my tenth wedding anniversary. I realize now that it was a control thing – probably the same as your parents. Do not give in. If they do not want to attend their son’s wedding, that is their problem.
Have the wedding you want. It will hurt if they are not there, but it only reflects poorly on them, not you. And CONGRATS on the wedding!” ScarletteMayWest
18. AITJ For Not Defending My Mom's Rude Behavior At A Restaurant?
“My mom and I have a historically strained relationship. That aside, she’s been working near my house lately and we’ve gone to breakfast on a few weekends.
She tends to be kind of a “Karen” at restaurants. For example, she often sends food back saying it’s cold or if there’s an unexpected ingredient in it and tips embarrassingly bad, never over 15%, and kinda shamelessly presses “no tip” at Square registers. Pretty routinely asks for changes to items on a menu.
At this restaurant, she’s repeatedly asked for a sandwich but without lettuce, onion, tomato, and avocado. At some point, either she asked for a discount for removing these ingredients or it was rung up in such a way that it was three dollars cheaper.
On this occasion, she placed this order and it was rung up for the normal price, not with the three-dollar discount.
She told the cashier “Oh, they always do it for me such and such and it’s three dollars less”. The manager interceded and kinda curtly said something to the effect of “That was a mistake, and we’re not doing that”. (the whole time I’m feeling pretty embarrassed and wanting to leave!) She continued to argue, and the manager told her “You’ve been rude to each and every one of my staff, so if you can’t order off the menu, you can go somewhere else!”
Anyway, she thinks I should have stood up for her somehow. I think this should be a wake-up call that her behavior is inappropriate.”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ in any way. How old is your mother? She’s acting like a toddler. Customer-interacting jobs people get enough pain as it is, especially with the “The customer is always right!” Misinterpreted quote whose follow-up (“when it comes to taste”) is always conveniently forgotten.
You NOT defending her attitude is exactly what makes a difference between you and her. I am sorry you and the restaurant staff had to go through that. You are CORRECT. This should be a wake-up call for her. Hope she learns from it.” RedditUserIsUnknown
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I just saw a woman at the grocery store straight up yelling at the worker at the deli counter, for 50 cents off her chicken wings. Because the deal is for 5 and she was getting 4. But she wanted the price per piece to be the same.
Who can defend that person?? I almost went to defend the store worker til the manager stepped in. I can’t imagine that person being my relative. So embarrassing.” Agent_Scully9114
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There’s nothing for you to do in her defense. Her behavior is inappropriate in a restaurant or any service industry setting.
No restaurant I’ve ever worked at has reduced the price of a menu item because a guest removed ingredients. The prices are set based on the resources purchased and on hand, you taking ingredients off of the item doesn’t actually reduce the cost to most businesses; it frequently leads to businesses having weird amounts of product in hand and ultimately going bad.
Your mom is more than welcome to ask for any accommodation she wants, but it’s a private business so they will have the final say. What would you have said on her behalf? Argue with the staff and enflame the situation further? Also, if you request significant accommodations it’s generally good practice (within the US) to tip well—not tip worse or not tip at all.
Your mom is the type of customer most service industry associates detest helping, lots of extra work with no recognition of the efforts taken.” PearSwindle
17. AITJ For Not Letting My Stepfather Borrow My Newly Financed Car?
“I just recently financed a car, and have had it for a grand total of 3 weeks.
It’s the first time I’ve actually bought a car of my own, so I’m doing everything I can to take care of it and be careful with it.
Yesterday, I took my stepfather out to the auto store to get new pads and rotors for his van, and when we got home he asked me to leave my keys out so he could drive back out to the store if he needed anything else.
I was about to go to sleep as I work night shift, so I told him if he needed to go back to wake me up and I’d drive him back out.
I just got home from work and my mother immediately confronted me, stating that it was extremely rude of me not to let him borrow the car since they allowed me to drive our spare vehicle up until the point that the already failing transmission finally gave out, at which point I made the decision to finance a car at a dealership instead of foregoing a private sale.
All the while, I paid for insurance, gas, and oil changes, as well as replacing the wipers and any bulbs that happened to go out.
It’s worth noting that neither my mother nor my stepfather cosigned for the loan on my car, as they outright refused because I didn’t finance the vehicle they wanted me to and got extremely upset with me for buying a small hatchback instead of a larger SUV because I “just wanted a sporty car.”
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your stepfather got a ride in your sporty new car and was itching to get behind the wheel. He didn’t need to go anywhere, he just wanted to drive it. Yes, they gave you access to their old spare car for a while but that doesn’t give them the right to demand, “Ooooo, new car, me likey, fork over the keys.” No. Offering to give him a lift was plenty.
Since they tried to pressure (bully?) you into buying the SUV they wanted, I’m guessing they expected this to be their spiffy new spare car all along.” HeartpineFloors
Another User Comments:
“I’m gonna go with NTJ – pretty sure your stepdad just wanted to go for a joy ride, which is understandable.
My dad used to take my first car all of the time. It was used but a classic & had an 8-track with a Best of Dolly Parton 8-track stuck in the player. (Dad loves his Dolly) I never once questioned it and find it more relatable now that I’m older.
The one huge difference is that he picked out and paid for the car and did all the maintenance.” BHumbleBHappy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Insurance coverage varies by location and insurance company. But typically, a car isn’t covered for anything that happens while your stepfather is driving the car, unless he’s listed by name on the insurance policy.
Under the circumstances described (not controlling the keys), there is no active consent for the use of the vehicle for any specific trip. That makes the situation murkier, as far as insurance goes. Hypothetically. Stepfather “borrows” the car without asking, just takes the keys and drives away.
On the way to (wherever) a heavy drinker runs a red light and T-bones the brand-new car that he’s driving. The heavy drinker is also driving without insurance. So the cost of replacing the car is on the owner’s insurance company, nobody else involved. Most likely, the insurance company would deny the claim, as the driver (at the time of collision) was not insured and the driver didn’t have active consent to use the vehicle for that specific trip where the incident happened. So then you (OP) would be stuck with several years of car payments, for a car you no longer own.
Yeah, you could always sue the insurance company to try to settle. But any money you got would be eaten up by legal fees. Assuming you got any money, you’d be using it all to pay your lawyer. Your “parents” letting you use an older car is quite a different situation.
Chances are, they weren’t making payments on it. And replacing it would not have been much of a hassle, in a worst-case scenario. NTJ.” DistrictEquivalent79
16. AITJ For Feeling Hurt That My Best Friend Scheduled Her Wedding On The Same Dates As My Baby Shower And Due Date?
“I am currently 6+ months pregnant and not sure if I am a jerk for feeling this way, hormonal and overly sensitive, justified in my feelings, or some combination of all three—totally open to me being in the wrong here and would love outside opinions.
My best friend of 20ish years is getting married (thrilled for her!). She let me know in the spring that she wanted to do a low-key courthouse wedding over the summer and a celebration with friends later. Meanwhile, as I mentioned, I have exciting events of my own going on: my baby shower and birth.
I let her know the dates of both of these things months ago because it was important to me that she would be able to attend and/or be aware, but she just now informed me via group text (her, me, and someone else) that oh by the way her wedding is the day of my baby shower (she cannot make the shower) and her out-of-town wedding celebration for friends is the week I am due (so I cannot come).
The way it was written it was clear that the other person in the chat was already aware of these dates.
NOTE: There are outside factors like parents’ health concerns making them want to expedite and schedule constraints I’m sure I’m unaware of that made these dates necessary not to mention it is HER day(s) and she shouldn’t need to have them revolve around me (one person).
AITJ for feeling hurt that these two very specific dates were chosen when she had known my conflicting dates for months? Or that she didn’t take the time to call/text to let me know this information more thoughtfully? Both of these make me feel like she doesn’t care if I am there and she has not expressed otherwise, but it’s also possible that I am being a needy, pregnant friend.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here without more info. I don’t know enough about scheduling with the courthouse but it seems likely that she had limited dates to choose from. Would you have originally been invited to the courthouse wedding or was it just going to be her and her fiance?
The other celebration date is more unfortunate. Is that just for friends? Or is family also invited? I can see you being suspicious since both dates you’re unavailable are the dates her celebrations fall on, but I wouldn’t immediately jump to conclusions. Do you feel comfortable reminding her about your own dates in a non-accusatory way and letting her know you’d love to make it but that you can’t?
Her reaction would probably give you clues about why those dates were chosen.” Valkrhae
Another User Comments:
“Gentle YTJ. It’s probably the hormones and you’re overthinking this. Even if her wedding is small, coordinating everyone’s schedule might only leave them with one date, and if it’s your baby shower, then so be it.
And the later reception, well, to accommodate you it can’t be any later because you’ll have a newborn and might not make it or much earlier because you can pop at any minute and might not make it. They shouldn’t have to move that reception up just to accommodate one guest. I doubt these choices were maliciously made and perhaps she could have told you more gently and privately, but at the end of the day, let it go, move on, and try to celebrate each other’s milestones however you can.
Another User Comments:
“Kinda both. YTJ if you think someone should plan their wedding around your availability, that’s just not how it works. She’s a jerk if she actually kept your baby shower dates and your due date in mind when scheduling her wedding and reception and did it on purpose (which probably isn’t likely).
If she remembered your days, a call or lunch to discuss with you would have been more appropriate than a group chat, but maybe she was just trying to let everyone know as quickly as possible so they could check their calendars and make plans.
Your special days are your special days and her special days are hers. Likely yours didn’t cross her mind at all which sounds harsh, but did you check with her before you scheduled your baby shower?” AsparagusNo3333
15. AITJ For Wanting To Kick Out My Partner's Brother After He Broke Our Rules?
“My partner (24) and I (24) decided to try to help her brother (22) out of a DV relationship.
We offered him a free place to live with financial support until he was able to get back on his feet. We made it blatantly clear that he would need to follow certain rules because he has a history of lying, disappearing, and multiple hospital visits due to his mental health.
The rules were pretty simple: do not contact the ex, get a job within a month, no seeing someone romantically until he sees a therapist regularly, etc. I should emphasize that these rules were agreed on by everybody and we didn’t just spring these on him out of nowhere.
Literally after two-three days of him staying in our apartment, he went back to his place to “pack his things”, we didn’t have a problem with this because we had no reason not to trust him at the time. Today I and his mom went to his apartment to help him move his stuff out and that was the start of the mess.
When we arrived at his place we discovered that he had not packed despite being there for almost a week, and his apartment was filthy. Despite that, most of the moving went fine, until we tried to move his couch. When we picked up the couch we saw cockroaches in it.
We were aware his apartment had cockroaches but we had no idea it was this bad because he told us it wasn’t a big deal (he said he only saw one). I should bring up the fact that he came over to our place an hour before we started moving so that we could throw my couch away since we’d be using his, and we also told him that if we found any more roaches we would throw all his things away as we try very hard to keep our place clean.
Needless to say, all his stuff got tossed in the dumpster and he did not take kindly to it.
When I got home my partner called me and told me that her brother was having a mental crisis and that we needed to go back to him asap, so obviously we were there as fast as we could be.
After we spent four hours in the emergency room (our state doesn’t have any LTC for mental health) we were finally able to go home and let him get the help he needs. After a while of being home, we decided to go through his phone (he gave us permission to do this) and we found a lot of things that infuriated us.
We discovered that not only was he regularly talking to his ex, he also had planned to have this “mental breakdown” after we were done moving and have us take him to the hospital, and he had also messaged another man about coming over at midnight to do god knows what.
We feel that he has basically spat in our faces despite bending over backward to make a messy situation work.
So, will we be the jerk if we kick him out and let him figure his own life out?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner’s brother violated the agreement and manipulated the situation.
It’s clear he isn’t ready to take responsibility for his actions and needs help beyond what you can provide. It’s not your responsibility to fix his life, especially when he’s actively trying to deceive you.” PinkyStaaceey
Another User Comments:
“NTJ 1. He is an adult. He should be responsible for himself in the first place.
2. He should be responsible for keeping everything clean. 3. He is clearly manipulating this situation and mooching. Kick him out and ghost him. Tell your partner that she will not be having him over again. He can fend for himself at a shelter and learn the hard way.” Ill_Assistant_9543
14. AITJ For Asking My Older Coworkers To Stop Making Comments About My Future Parenthood?
“I work at a preschool center, in the infant/toddler room. All of my coworkers are women, and all of them are significantly older than me. They’re all at least in their early 40s to late 50s. I finished school last year and have been working at the preschool since then.
Some of my coworkers started making offhand comments about how now that I work in childcare, I’ll be ready when I have my own kids one day. I’ve expressed to them all that I don’t plan on having kids in the future, and they’ve all said the typical things like, “Oh, you’ll change your mind one day!”
I have a pretty big fear of ever being pregnant, and especially of ever going through the birthing process. It terrifies me. I’m also pretty determined not to have kids, ever. I decided that a while ago and so far my mind hasn’t changed, and I don’t think it will.
I don’t want to sound like a baby (pun not intended), but their comments have become annoying now, and thinking about having kids one day genuinely makes me feel anxious.
Now comes the part where I think I might have been a jerk. We have weekly staff meetings every Friday, and last week, at the end of the meeting when our director asked if we had anything else we wanted to bring up, I decided to let everyone know that the comments bothered me, and that I’d appreciate if my coworkers just stopped commenting on the fact that I don’t want kids, or telling me things like “Oh, you’ll be a pro when you have to change your own kid’s diapers one day!” I’ve already told them all individually how I feel, but as they didn’t seem to take it seriously and continued making the nonchalant comments, I thought bringing it up in front of our director might help squash the behavior.
I mentioned that it makes me feel anxious.
This week has been absolutely horrid. All of my coworkers now seem to be giving me the cold shoulder, and not talking to me about anything unless it’s specific to our job. I didn’t think I was in the wrong for bringing up something that was making me uncomfortable, but I talked to my mom about it, and she reckons I’m being too sensitive.
She said that they were making harmless comments, and I shouldn’t have taken them to heart. My partner also said it was rude of me to bring it up in front of the director, as I could potentially have gotten them into some kind of trouble, or seemed like I was trying to.
Now, I’m not so sure if I did the right thing, so I’m asking all of you, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Those comments are harmful. They work to push the narrative that has been beaten into women for centuries. The idea that women NEED to have kids or else their life is meaningless and incomplete has caused many ladies to have children they didn’t want.
That only increases cases of depression, divorce rates, PPD, PPA, etc. They may seem like harmless comments, but they’re not. They make women who don’t want kids/can’t have them feel inferior, incomplete, and as if there’s something wrong with them for not having that “motherly drive” which isn’t true.
There’s nothing wrong with being child-free. It’s not something you should feel ashamed of or feel the need to “change your mind” about. Those women are jerks for thinking “woman” automatically equates to “future incubator.”” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. These women should be grateful you were kind enough to ask formally.
Aggressively pushing their reproductive values on you is definitely harassment. Especially because you’ve asked individuals to stop. You have every right to still escalate this to HR. Especially now that people are cold-shouldering you. It’s considered retaliation to treat someone differently for speaking up about harassment.
And yes, discussing a woman’s reproduction without her consent at work is harassment. Imagine if it was a man! A reasonable person would never tolerate a man discussing a woman’s future reproductive plans against her wishes.” ohhgrrl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!!!!! This irks me so much because I also am terrified of pregnancy and am not a fan of children in general, and every time someone tells me I’ll change my mind one day I just want to grab them by the shoulders, shake them, and just scream.
And even if, hypothetically, you one day DID change your mind, that would not invalidate your feelings NOW. (not saying you will change your mind, of course. very much hypothetical.) Why is it so hard for people to just stay in their lane. Btw your mom and SO are wrong.
If they could’ve “potentially gotten in trouble,” perhaps they deserved to potentially get in trouble. Doubt they would, though. And to your mom’s point, even if the comments were “harmless,” (which they weren’t,) it’s still ANNOYING and EXHAUSTING to hear CONSTANTLY.” StrawberrySapphic
13. AITJ For Yelling At My Art Teacher For Ripping Up My Artwork?
“I (24f) was in my art class drawing. I finished the assignment and handed it to him and my art teacher (around 59m) took it and put it in a pile.
I move on and continue working on something that I draw on the side. I finish it (it took in total about 3-4 hours) and I really liked it.
And my art teacher was walking around checking on people’s art as most teachers do. And he comes to me and says, “do the assignment.” I told him I did it and that I handed it to him and went back to adding finishing touches like highlights in the eyes or whatever and he takes my art and rips it up in front of me.
I start yelling at him (it wasn’t really a yell per se but speaking sternly) asking him why he did that. He said that I wasn’t doing the assignment. I told him that I physically handed it to him.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ go to your principal or dean or any person of authority. Ripping up your art is unacceptable, who knows how many people he did that to. I know you’re 24 but if my child told me his teacher ripped up his art (if it wasn’t offensive) I would’ve raised a fuss.” Greg19931
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Please report this behavior. In middle school, my art teacher made fun of me in front of the entire class because I wanted to draw Miley Cyrus as my portrait. I remember the lump of tears down my throat, it was the most embarrassing feeling in the world.
I wish I said something. Now as an adult, I remember this moment so clearly and regret not reporting my teacher.” Johnathonathon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I had an art teacher who did the same exact thing to me (I’d finished the project, turned it in, and began to draw to fill the time) and other students.
She even poured black ink on another girl’s artwork. She was eventually fired, though I’m not sure of the details of that. Regardless, your teacher should not have even touched your stuff, much less rip it up to shreds. I’m sorry that this happened to you.
Your reaction was actually fairly light in response to what he did.” Hidan-Chan
12. AITJ For Not Letting My Ex Bring His Partner, Our Former Nanny, On Our Son's Birthday Trip?
“Every year we take our son on vacation to visit my (former) in-laws for his birthday. This is the first year we’re not together, but we agreed to still do the trip this year because our separation has already been hard enough on our son.
My ex’s partner, who was our former nanny, wants to go on the trip with us because she doesn’t want him to be alone with me. I said no because I don’t want to be around her and this trip is about our son, not them.
My ex told me if she came, we could get time to discuss what we’re going to do about our marriage without our son around since she could watch him but I still said no.
His partner is angry at me now and is trying to force him to stay home or take her regardless of what I say since technically it is his family we’re visiting.
I think my ex is annoyed at both of us even though he hasn’t said anything yet.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and normally I think it’s messed up to control who exes go out with and to try to pretend they aren’t around and y’all are still a family.
But her wanting to come and pretend to be the nanny LOL… that’s hilarious. She doesn’t get she betrayed the kid too, does she? And normally I think kids should be informed they don’t get a vote in their parents’ relationship choices but when mom or dad hits it off with the kids’ childcare provider it’s a whole different ballgame.
Your ex is funny, too. She doesn’t need to come to watch the kid. You’re visiting his family, so they can watch him if y’all need to talk and you don’t need to talk anyway — he hooked up with the nanny he made his choice, bye.
He’s being stupid and trying to please everyone. He probably is annoyed at the conflict but teaches him to mess with the nanny. WOMP WOMP! Too bad. This is his mess he made. He’s a big boy; he can deal.
Oh, and her being afraid of him being alone with you… omg… That’s rich.
So rich. Enjoy every second of that. Serves her right. If she didn’t want to worry about her partner spending time with the mother of his child perhaps she shouldn’t have hooked up with a two-timer. I mean if their relationship is so solid and wonderful and all I can’t imagine what on earth she’s worried about.
In what universe on earth does this woman think you’d want him back ANYWAY? Sheesh.” LuckOfTheDevil
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – he wants to bring his partner, the former nanny on your son’s vacation so you and he can talk about your marriage???
Oh heck no. That is not the time to discuss the state of your marriage. It is a time to focus on your son. It is inappropriate for the former nanny/partner to attend. And if she is worried about him two-timing her with you, the wife, tell him to tell her, he isn’t worth it, she can have him… Honestly, you are going to have to rethink how you celebrate your son’s birthday and all the holidays because it needs to be about making his day special. Going to your soon-to-be-ex inlaws’ isn’t a good tradition to have when you are splitting up or have split up.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“INFO: Do your in-laws even know about the separation? I have a sneaking suspicion that hubby has been lying to his parents the whole time and that the true desire to bring the partner isn’t so much due to her insecurity as it is the husband’s need to maintain the charade that you two are still happily married. Oh, and look, we brought our nanny along to “make things easier”.
All the while he gets to have it both ways by hooking up with the “nanny” at night, and playing “happy family” during the day with Mom & Dad.” WifeyMcGingerdork
11. AITJ For Reporting My Daughter's Teacher To The School Board Over Discrimination?
“My daughter (16) has been extremely depressed since 2020. When they switched to online school my social butterfly wilted. She became withdrawn and never fully recovered even when in-school resumed.
She has never been a problem student but this year her grades have suffered because she has refused to put effort into her school work. This includes in class. She will often put her head down or cover her head with the hood of her sweatshirt.
One of her teachers has suddenly taken offense to her lack of effort. She has kicked her from class every class for 2 weeks for putting her head down calling it “attention-seeking behavior”. The teacher has gone so far as to accuse my child of passing out for attention in front of her whole class (she passed out due to her ED).
I attempted to speak to the teacher and have stated if her behavior is not disruptive then she should not be removed from class and the teacher just continued to remove her. I went to the principal who agreed with me but has done nothing when the behavior continued.
I finally emailed the school board as well as Safe Schools about the discrimination as my child is suffering from mental health issues and is not disruptive.
My family says I have taken it too far. I feel like I am just trying to protect my daughter.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Your daughter needs a network of help. Is she getting help for her ED? Does she have support from school counselors? From other teachers, if she has any? From doctors, therapists, or a psychiatrist? Could there be some kind of other health issues that could be happening to your daughter?
How are you helping her at home? I really don’t like how the teacher is making this to be attention-seeking! This seems to be very jerk-like. NTJ for going above the teacher.” RxTechRachel
Another User Comments:
“This is so sad. I’m a (former) teacher who has sensory issues and wearing a hat or hoodie makes me able to deal with society better.
I’ve never been rude but somehow the “no hats” thing is more important than people actually being able to learn in the way they are comfortable. Sorry to you and your kid for the weird ideas about what is socially acceptable. I’m going to go back to teaching and I will for sure be allowed my beanie and whatever else I need because I’m a certified special educator and there is a massive shortage.
All my students, as they have always done, regardless of weird dress codes, will be allowed to wear what they need to feel comfortable in my class. I’ve gotten in trouble before for allowing these things. I am going back into it knowing how desperate the admins are to have highly qualified staff so I finally know my worth and the kids who are in my classes will be protected because I’m a darn unicorn.
I just wish everyone could see that it’s not disrespectful to need a hat or tight clothes it’s literally the difference between being able to handle a challenging social scenario or not.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“If the teacher is aware of your daughter’s mental health struggles and still acts that way, then you’re NTJ.
However, I don’t believe there’s any mention of this, and we can usually assume that teachers are not always made aware of personal details like that (I was one for a long time, and I can tell you that most of us are not unless it’s something more serious or we’re given an IEP).
If the teacher has no clue, then YTJ, and you should have followed up continually with the principal instead of going over everybody’s heads and putting the entire school on notice in the eyes of the board. You also can’t yell discrimination if nobody has been made aware in the school and therefore nobody has made a willful choice to act in a disparaging fashion to your daughter.” [deleted]
10. AITJ For Embarrassing My Aunt When She Pressed Me About Marriage?
“My (f21) aunt (f48) is very traditional and thinks all women should have kids and get married and be housewives. I cannot conform to her standard, because I am a lesbian and am already in a relationship (Aunt doesn’t know this.) My aunt keeps pestering me about it now that I’m 20, and I keep brushing it off.
Anyway, on with the story.
So my aunt and I recently went to a family gathering. It went on for a couple of hours, and then we all sat down at a table to have lunch. My aunt was sitting almost directly opposite me, and there were 15 other people there.
In the middle of the meal, everybody got quieter (to eat.) My aunt saw this as the perfect opportunity to ask me:
“Hey (OP), Do you want to get married nowadays?”
At this moment, my brain thought of something, and I quickly responded to her, in the loudest, most disgusted way possible:
“Ew, no.”
At this point, everybody was silent. My aunt got slightly offended with me and asked:
“Why?”
This is where I might be the jerk. I quickly responded to her with:
“Because you’re my aunt!”
It didn’t really get the reaction I expected (only two people really laughed), but my cousins piped in to say how my aunt was always pestering us about getting married, which I guess is a small win.
Later, after the gathering, my aunt sent many angry messages to me, saying how she was just asking a plain question, and that I had no right to humiliate her like I did. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It was a simple joke.
Maybe express in response for her to stop pestering you about marriage if you haven’t yet. Some people who are like this will always be like this, so I wouldn’t rely on her to change and stop asking, but maybe she will lay off if you’re more direct and just continue to joke about it.
If she feels like she has the right to make you feel uncomfortable with questions, I don’t see why you can’t do the same with some lighthearted jokes in response. On another note: 20 is so young for marriage in general. Did you come out to anyone in your family yet?
Is your family conservative?” realpersonyolo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Unfortunately, your aunt is one of those people who cannot take no or hints to stop asking inappropriate personal questions until embarrassed (dealt with one myself). But kudos for your creative way. I basically snapped at my husband’s aunt to finally get her to stop asking.” nonchalantenigma
Another User Comments:
“After reading the heading my first thought was, no you are not. I was pestered by my aunt who married at 18 to get married since I turned 18. It’s none of their business when you decide to get married Then after reading the full story, I laughed so hard.
I bow to your supreme answer. I wish I had come up with something so clever to say to my aunt. NO you are not, you are a hero to all of us who have ever had that aunt/s. Bravo!!!!” Gold-Addendum-2774
9. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Stepmom My Biological Mom's Address?
“My mom and my dad divorced when I (25f) was seven years old.
I have two younger sisters (24,19). My mom was unfaithful with the best friend of my dad. My dad has a short temper and my mom can’t deal with harsh confrontations and will cry very quickly. It takes two in a relationship and both made mistakes, but it was not okay to be unfaithful.
My mum decided to give full custody to my dad since he wanted it and left along with Dad’s best friend.
My dad loves us and his life was very hard since he was a single parent. I know he was going through a lot and I’m thankful that he tried his best to provide for us.
He wanted a mom for us, so he saw a few women in hopes of finding someone we like. When I was around 11 he met his now wife. It turns out she is very manipulative and even though I love my stepmom in some way, I don’t like her as a person anymore.
My dad changed so much after he met her. He was always caring and generous (aside from his temper issues). He is only doing what she tells him to do even if he does not want to.
They manipulated my sisters and me into thinking my mom is SUCH a bad person when we were very young.
They manipulated us to write letters for court, about how boring it is when we are with her. I’m so sorry for my mom for when she had to read those letters. They manipulated my youngest sister into calling my mom by her name and not mom.
If she said Mom did.. They would ask WHO? until she would call her by her name.
My mom has been unfaithful many times in different relationships. Her exes are always ruined financially after because she always spends money she does not have. She moves very often so the debt won’t get her.
I am the only one of her 3 children that still has some kind of relationship with her. She wronged us many times, but she is my mom and I’m not resentful. I hold some distance to be sure I won’t be taken advantage of financially.
The actual problem I have now: My dad gets debt reminders addressed to my mom because they have old information. He is throwing tantrums when he gets another letter. He calls the sender and tells them she does not live with them anymore. It won’t help.
Yesterday, they got another letter and my stepmom called me to ask for her address, so they can give the new address of my mom to the sender. She didn’t tell my dad yet because she does not want to stress him again. She asks me because I have the best relationship to mom.
But I don’t think they should even open the letters. I don’t want to get stuck between mom and dad fighting about this. I don’t want to be the “rat” and give away her address. I know the fault is on my mom’s side, for going into debt and then running away from it.
My stepmom told me I should not ask or tell my mom about this. I feel like she just wants to hurt her. WIBTJ if I say it’s not my problem and I don’t want anything to do with this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This isn’t your problem, and you shouldn’t have anything to do with it.
You actually would be the jerk if you gave in and shared your mom’s contact info without her consent because that’s a violation of her privacy. Your father and stepmother can just write “not at this address” or “return to sender” or whatever your postal service wants people to do when mail shows up for someone who doesn’t live there.
If you have to, pretend you don’t know your mother’s address. You say she moves a lot so why would you keep track?” DeVitreousHumor
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Definitely don’t get involved in this mess, but honestly, it seems like your mom is the manipulative one here.
Gets into a relationship, ruins them financially, is unfaithful, and then moves to a new place/man? What your dad/stepmom did was wrong to you and your sisters, but I don’t think living with your mom was the right choice either, unfortunately. I hope you’re careful around her too, and please never loan her any money you wouldn’t feel comfortable losing.” bad_roboat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They shouldn’t open the letters. They need to go to the post office and tell them that person doesn’t live at their address and not to deliver mail addressed to your mom to them. It’s not her legal address.
Then if they get anything after that mark it, “Return to Sender, Address Unknown.” It’s the only way to stop it. Been there.” MaryAnne0601
8. AITJ For Not Inviting My Homophobic Ex-Wife To My Wedding?
“Our son is 6, my (32M) ex-wife and I split when he was a year old.
After coming to terms with myself and realizing that I was gay, when my partner and I were first starting our relationship it was kept only between us since it took a while to settle things in the divorce with my ex-wife.
We tried to keep things civil between us for our son’s sake so we can have a healthy co-parenting dynamic. That changed over a year after our divorce was made final when I decided to introduce my partner to my family and asked her about introducing him to our son soon.
Our relationship was serious, we wanted to move in together already so I figured it was important to introduce him soon. My ex was against it so I gave it another 5 months. Ever since then, she has had an issue anytime my partner is around.
Before we were able to get along but now she has tried causing problems over anything. My son’s 4th birthday we had at my house (she and her family were invited), she started an argument and left because my partner was there even though it’s his apartment too.
A sweater he bought my son for Christmas conveniently went missing when he went to the aquarium with my ex. Anything my partner has gotten him turns up missing when he goes to his mom’s.
Her getting intoxicated and saying inappropriate stuff about me in front of people.
That only happened a couple of times so that’s when I said gatherings together even for my son’s sake just weren’t gonna be able to happen. I thought we could but it seems like her wounds are still too fresh.
We are getting married soon, apparently, she wants to be there since my son is gonna attend but we might be too busy that day to watch him the whole time.
My entire family will be there as well as my son’s godparents so it’s not like he would be left alone. My sister plans to watch him whenever we can’t but my ex still insists. My ex-MIL says I owe her that at least for breaking her heart to let her be there for her child.
Even my own mom is like just let her come she’s already had a hard time so do one thing to make her happy. I don’t want it turning into another drama since clearly that’s what it has been so far. Which is why we are more firm in deciding no she’s not coming.
It’s my custody time with my son regardless and he’s going to have us plus the rest of my family there with him. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“If the wedding is during your custody time and you have a Designated Child Wrangler in the form of your parents and sister then NTJ.
There’s no need for your ex-wife to be there. She should stay away (1) for your sake to avoid a potential intoxicated scene and (2) for her sake to spare her the pain of seeing you and the man you were seeing before your divorce was even settled (from your own post) surrounded by family in triumph and love.
Neither you nor she needs that experience. Knowing the child is supervised, knowing how the ex feels, and the proven potential for a seriously vulgar scene – why would you (or your mothers) want her there?” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it might just not be the best move for your co-parenting relationship.
I would sit her down and talk to her to see if you two can get back on the same page as parents. And tell her that she isn’t invited because of her actions. And while it may seem counter-intuitive – I would consider asking her how you can help her heal from your divorce.
She clearly needs professional help. And I get the feeling she really can’t handle the part where you left her for a man. Obviously, you are not responsible for her issues and her homophobia. But she is always going to be your kid’s mom and it may be worth it to at least make the offer for the sake of your kid.” ChakraMama318
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you need to be keeping records of all of her nasty abusive behavior. Do what you have to until you have enough evidence to get full custody. Your ex is toxic and she will harm your son if she continues to have unfettered ability to act that way.
Under no circumstances should she be allowed at your wedding! She will absolutely cause a massive issue, your son is perfectly fine to be there with your family watching him.” Lorraine221
7. AITJ For Feeling Discriminated Against Over Room Assignments At A Company Retreat?
“I (28F) work for a small/medium-sized company (~60 employees, of which around 5 are foreign including myself) and a mandatory all-staff retreat (3 days, 2 nights) is being planned. Since it would be expensive for the company to pay for us all to have individual rooms, we have been asked to share.
I don’t have a problem with sharing.
What doesn’t sit right with me though, is how room sharing has been arranged – we were asked to answer surveys indicating our roommate preference, with the disclaimer that there was no guarantee of our choice and that a random selection would be made.
I find out that whilst most people have been granted their roommate request, all foreign staffers have been placed in rooms together despite none of us requesting each other. Which seems to be a strange coincidence to me and I can’t help but think that’s not random at all.
Additionally, I heard that requests were made to actively not be placed with any of the foreign workers because of “language barrier issues”. I don’t actually care who I share a room with, I just have this uncomfy feeling now, like a feeling of not being respected and that certain members don’t want to spend time with me simply by nature of us not speaking the same native language.
So my question is, am I overthinking this and would you say arranging rooms this way is legitimate or slightly discriminatory? WIBTJ for making a complaint to HR?”
Another User Comments:
“Wow. I’m amazed that any company is doubling up employees. We have a strict policy from corporate HR that everyone is assigned their own room.
Full stop. If the client is booking the rooms for us (we have several in the travel and hospitality industry), the policy still applies, and if we show up on-site and don’t have individual rooms, we walk. Doubling up to save a few bucks isn’t worth the potentially massive liability that results.
They should have budgeted for single rooms. This particular arrangement that you describe is just one possible way this can blow up in the company’s face. You are definitely NTJ for calling attention to this potentially discriminatory policy.” cyberentomology
Another User Comments:
“If I am completely honest… anything that is done that makes you feel treated differently to other nationalities is “racial discrimination”.
It’s not the intention in law that is the defining factor it’s how you feel about it. So the problem here is, therefore, the thin end of the wedge, it demonstrates a lack of understanding of management in how their actions are perceived by others.
In the long run, if the company is where you want to be, talking to the most senior manager you can politely about your concerns and how their actions have made you feel is important and if done politely you may see the shock on their faces at the outcome of their choices.
But the response to the situation if it’s not so positive will tell you all you need to know about whether there is an ingrained problem of old-fashioned thinking. Simply deciding you are not going and not telling them may make also you feel like more of an outsider in the long run.
This is one of those defining moments, you are right to feel “marginalized” at best, and discriminated against at worst, so your feelings are fine, you are not the jerk… however they may not be either, at least not on purpose, so resolving this is a tough one.” HankScorpio-vs-World
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t know why they bothered with a survey if they were just going to completely disregard the results. This brings up a memory of an office I worked at back in the mid-1980s. The company, which was around 60 people, decided to have their annual picnic in September and set a date.
Then, not long before the event was supposed to happen, six employees from various departments were summoned to the branch manager’s office, including me. So the six of us are sitting outside his office waiting, racking our brains trying to figure out why we were there and what we had in common.
Suddenly it dawned on us that we were the only Jewish employees in the office. I don’t remember if at that point one of us realized that they had scheduled the picnic on Yom Kippur, one of the most important religious days in the Jewish calendar, or if we found that out when we finally met with the manager.
At any rate, none of the six of us were particularly religious, so we didn’t really care about the date of the picnic, and we were quite amused by how frantically the management tried to apologize for their major oversight. This was in Manhattan in New York City where there is a large Jewish population so they really had no excuse for forgetting this.
The picnic was fun.” AMerrickanGirl
6. AITJ For Asking My Dad To Change His Tattoo Of My Deadname?
“I’m 23, non-binary and my dad has had a tattoo of my deadname and my siblings’ names since I was quite young, maybe 6 or 7 years old.
I legally changed my name 5 years ago and have been using my chosen name for 7 or 8, though I can remember being unhappy with my deadname for much longer. As a child, I tried to change it somewhat at a few different times, either by using a middle name or nickname, but my family never used them and it didn’t stick for long.
To add a little bit of context to the name thing, my dad named me when I was born. My mother chose the names of my two other siblings. He was very resistant when I first told him about my chosen name and refused to use it for a while.
We’ve also had a bit of a tense relationship for most of my life, until I stopped staying at his house. Now we live hundreds of kilometers apart and our relationship is much better.
I’ve been thinking for a while about asking him to remove or cover up the deadname in his tattoo and ideally replace it with my chosen name.
The tattoo is in a prominent enough location that I see it whenever we visit, and it makes me uncomfortable. I’m anxious about the fact that most people in my dad’s life, even those who came into his life after my name change, will know or figure out my deadname based on his tattoo.
I prefer to forget that my deadname ever existed and the reminders of it upset me. But at the same time, I know it’s kind of frowned upon to “dictate” other people’s body mods. So, WIBTJ if I asked my dad to get rid of my deadname in his tattoo?
And a PSA for everyone, don’t get anyone’s name tattooed on you unless they’re dead, and maybe not even then. If you want a tattoo to remind you of someone, pick a symbol or something that reminds you of them instead. It’s much easier to bear should identities change or relationships end.”
Another User Comments:
“You would be the jerk I think, a lot of transgender folks forget that while they think the world and everything else revolves around them, people are actually independent, autonomous individuals with their own body, thoughts, and feelings. Your father is likely to always have a memory of your name regardless if you’ve rejected it or not.
You aren’t entitled to ask someone else to modify their body for a tattoo that literally has no impact besides your delicate sensibilities.” Summer-Sausage-SR
Another User Comments:
“So NTJ for asking in my opinion, but I don’t think he’d necessarily be the jerk if he declined. It is his body and his tattoo after all.
As a compromise, I think there was a post from here a few months ago of a similar situation and the dad wanted to keep the name because that was the name of the child he raised for 18 years and meant a lot to him.
He compromised by adding another tattoo with the OP’s new name and it seemed to work for both parties.” Alderan
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ if you just walked up and said “can you change it” instead of choosing a different tactic. The way to approach it is to not just think about your feelings but his feelings as well – especially when it involves his body and how he expresses himself with it.
You hate your deadname and it causes discomfort or even dysphoria, but he still remembers you under that name and you mean enough to him that he wanted your name at the time to be on his body forever. Even if how he got the deadname for you was a silly story, there is still a lot of emotional weight when a parent goes under the needle to tattoo their child’s name on their body.
Seeing it from his view first and asking him about it will take the edge off the request you are going to make, and it opens the doors for him to understand it’s not you calling him a bad person and a bad dad for having your deadname tattooed on him.
Really emphasize that – that you know he loves you and you love him back, which is why you don’t want to feel bad each time you see that tattoo and have the dysphoria affect your time with him. Another commenter’s suggestion to have matching tattoos to create a new memory and permanent emblem is a fantastic idea to provide a solution you can both consider.
I think it can work out, you just really need to take time to think about what you want to say and how to give him room to communicate back to you.” mignyau
5. AITJ For Kicking Out My Sister After She Tried To Kiss My Partner?
“I (26F) have lived in an apartment with my partner (24F who we will call Emma) for about 3 years.
My sister (22F) just recently got out of college and I said she could stay with us.
Around a month ago, we were all watching a movie in the living room and the layout of the couch was me and my partner, and farther down was my sister.
Halfway through the movie my sister got up for some water (?) and came back, sitting right next to my partner. Emma looked uncomfortable so she scooted closer to me to which my sister did the same. I looked over and told my sister to move back as my partner needed some personal space.
My sister said alright and did that. After the movie, I was in my bedroom on the bed when I heard talking so I went towards it and found my partner brushing her teeth and my sister leaning a bit too close to her so I asked what they were doing and my sister shrugged but Emma looked at me with the best ‘who the heck does this girl think she is’ look and I just laughed it off thinking it wasn’t what it was.
This continued for about 2 weeks until I watched my sister try to kiss Emma. I snapped. I basically told her to get out and never come near us again, to which she reluctantly obliged. I told our close family/friends what had happened since they knew she was kicked out and now no one wants her near them.
AITJ for basically ruining my sister’s family life?”
Another User Comments:
“Yeah…no she ruined her own family night by trying to hook up with your partner. Like it’s so messed up first trying to kiss someone without consent is not okay, second it’s NEVER okay to do it if that person is in a relationship and third IT’S WORSE if that person is your sister.
NTJ and be firm on this.” Apgamerwolf
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What she did was wrong. She now has to deal with the consequences of her actions. But does this seem like your sister’s normal behavior? This sounds off to me. I hope someone is checking on her.” TheSciFiGuy80
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister was harassing your partner in your home. Her behavior was extremely inappropriate, especially towards people who are doing her a favor. That’s how life works. You act like a creep and take advantage of people’s hospitality, and people get to decide they don’t want to be around you anymore.
Actions have consequences. She’s the one who caused the problem and if she wants to fix it that’s on her as well.” CumulativeHazard
4. AITJ For Telling My Stepsister She'd Be A Bad Mom Because She Changed Her Mind About Having Kids?
“My (33f) mom married my stepdad when I was 17, and I have a stepsister Elizabeth (32f). Pretty much for as long as I’ve known her, Elizabeth’s always said she doesn’t want kids.
She does babysit for me occasionally (I have 2) and is okay around kids, but she’s always said she doesn’t want her own. Like, adamantly against it, which is fine because her life her choice.
Elizabeth got married last year to Jack (36m). Ever since she got married, she’s been saying that she wants to have a baby one day.
I thought this was weird because of her stance previously, but I assumed it was just a baby fever phase. I caught up with her a few days ago and she was asking me questions about pregnancy, the recovery period, etc. I asked her why the interest, to which she replied that she and Jack were thinking to start trying.
I was surprised so I told her I thought she was going to stay child-free, Elizabeth said she thought so too but she realized she does want a child with Jack, and said something like she wouldn’t want kids with anyone else, but only with him?
I told her she sounded ridiculous, what if she and Jack broke up? I explained to her that she should want kids for them, not because of who you’re having them with. At the end of the day, you can have kids with anyone. Elizabeth said she didn’t mean it like that, she’d love her child regardless but her and Jack’s “love” make it more comfortable for them to have a baby.
I said sure it’s their choice, but I personally think she wouldn’t be a very good mom considering her attitude and wanting to be child-free. Elizabeth looked upset and made some excuse to leave – I really don’t think I said anything that bad, but she’s not happy so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. As you grow up you’ll learn a few things: People change. They even change their minds. It’s a thing they do. As a general rule, you can’t tell people what to do. You especially can’t tell them what to do with their kids.
You especially especially can’t tell them whether to have kids. You know how nobody wants to be told they’re a bad driver? Well, telling them they’re a bad parent is like that times a million. In your case, of course, rather than simply ‘not get’ these things, you doubled down by just announcing all that stuff like a jerk based on no evidence, in fact, only on the fact that her plans don’t fit your previous assumptions.
So YTJ.” MelonSegment
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, people are allowed to change their opinions and it doesn’t seem like she is pressured by Jack to have kids against her wishes. You saying she’d be a bad mom was uncalled for, very hurtful and it doesn’t even make sense.
Why would she not be a good mom because she previously didn’t want kids? “She should want kids for them, not because of who you’re having them with.” They are both equally valid. In fact, my mom always wanted kids, the “with whom” was secondary.
So I grew up with divorced parents.” Zsu17
Another User Comments:
“You are exceptionally narrow-minded and if my kid ever said anything like that to anyone I would have absolutely failed as a parent. YTJ – it’s not your place to judge her or her decisions.
I was adamant I would NEVER get married. I did. I said I’d never have kids and was staunchly stuck on staying child-free until I met my husband. He changed my mind. Being with him I knew I’d gladly have a kid with him, I wanted to.
I am a great mom- and that’s not me bragging but my daughter is happy, healthy, and thriving. That’s all I can ask for as a parent. I’m doing a great job and my husband is what makes the difference because we’re raising her together.
When you love someone they can easily change your mind and make you want to do things you never thought you would because of the implicit trust that you have each other’s back. YTJ so many times over.” residentvixxen
3. AITJ For Asking My Friend To Distance Herself To Avoid Drama?
“I’m entering junior year this August. I’ve been friends with “Vivian” since middle school and “Brian” since the 5th grade.
I consider Brian my oldest friend of course but I was very close with Vivian as well.
We had a big friend group at our table and Vivian was fine until Brian started seeing “Aubree.” I guess Vivian and Aubree just had some automatic beef with each other.
All Aubree would do was make little quips about Vivian’s clothes or face or whatever. Or make a joke like “Smells like donkey crap, I see Vivian hasn’t figured out showers yet.”
Vivian would be overly sensitive and always snap at Aubree to “leave me alone!” I know Vivian is tough and the comments don’t actually bother her.
So Vivian responding at all is just antagonizing Aubree. I explained this to Vivian later. I don’t like Aubree at times either, but she knows how long Brian has waited for a partner so Vivian can at least be a decent friend by tolerating Aubree and being civil to her.
Vivian’s responses were obviously making things tense at the table, and it was impacting Brian’s relationship with Aubree, so they wanted Vivian to be somewhere else. I texted Vivian that things are getting tense and Brian and Aubree don’t want her there.
I didn’t want it being awkward for everyone (including Vivian,) so I told her it would just be best if she stopped coming by the table at lunch and just stuck with her other friends who she hangs out with ⅗ days anyway.
Vivian left me on read for a week then she sent me over a dozen text messages, repeating the same thing: Accusing me of not caring about her over and over.
I told her that it’s not personal and I just want to avoid drama. I have other stuff going on in my life and can’t focus on catty girl drama all day. Vivian never responded back and acted like I didn’t exist in person, which I see as childish and ununderstanding.
It turns out Vivian, her other friends, and two kids from our lunch group “Cody and Jason” went out to the park last week and didn’t even invite me. Cody and Jason were both mad at me because Vivian said I told her to stay away and “banished” her from the lunch table.
I explained my side of the story and brought up all the drama. Cody accused Aubree of causing all the drama and asked “why didn’t we just kick her out if you wanted no drama?” Jason told me I was a garbage person for asking Vivian to visit her other friends instead of the table.
Again, Vivian knows that it’s not personal. I’m just trying to avoid the drama and help Brian since he’s waited so long for a partner. Also, Vivian needs to learn to just be chill with people she doesn’t like and not start fights, IMHO.
AITJ For telling Vivian the truth that not visiting the lunch table would be best for everyone?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You don’t like “catty girl drama”, but literally turned around and said “you can’t sit here”. That’s the definition of catty girl drama. You are a “mean girl” at its core.
For not wanting to get involved with “catty girl drama”… you managed to involve yourself directly in it. Who gave you the authority to say she couldn’t sit at the table? Why was that your job? This whole post makes me want to barf and makes me so glad I’m 15 years out of high school.
Your type is so classic. You’re the “I don’t want to be involved with drama” type that seems to constantly dive into the center of drama. And then act like “omg.. I can’t believe everyone is so dramatic.” Someday you’re going to think back to this post and cringe so hard at yourself.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ how would you like it if Aubree started telling people that you smell of donkey mess so your friends banished you to keep the peace? Who is she anyway and why do you want to spend time with such an awful person who would bully your long-time friend?
Cody and Jason have it right and good for them for not inviting you. YTJ, Aubree is the jerk, Brian sounds desperate and Vivien should focus her time on Cody and Jason who are clearly better friends to her than you are. And of course it’s personal, have you heard yourself?
Eesh.” nykjhs
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for not sticking up for your friend and not calling Aubree out. You said Vivian isn’t bothered by the comments but her responses suggest otherwise. WHY would you let someone call your friend names?!? I hope Vivian drops you if you don’t change your mindset.
From the text, you don’t deserve her friendship. Why would you think she would want to spend time with you when you sit and watch people make fun of her and never come to her defense? How selfish can you be? To answer your question NTJ for telling Vivian the truth.
It would definitely be best for her to distance herself and find new friends.” StrangerBusiness4897
2. AITJ For Insisting My Friend Get Tested For Autism?
“My (28) brother is autistic and was diagnosed as a kid when we were growing up together, so I feel like I can recognize it in others now.
A few months ago, I mentioned to my friend she should get tested and pointed out some things she does that make it seem like she could be on the spectrum.
I’d been thinking of it long before I said anything but finally did.
She laughed it off and said “I don’t know, I guess I could be” so she agreed with my points. But then said she doesn’t want to get tested because she doesn’t feel like a diagnosis would “help her life” since she’s “feeling fine” and doesn’t personally care to know if she does have it or not.
I let it go for a while but then recently started linking her articles about the benefits of diagnosis and how it can improve your life even if you don’t realize it.
She texted me back today saying “I get where you’re coming from, but I’m not going to do it, you have to stop it’s getting annoying now I feel like you’re analyzing me too much.”
I get that people don’t often like to have stuff like this pointed out about how they act but I really still think it would help her if she’d just consider it more. As a friend, I don’t know if I should drop it or keep trying to help in case it improves her life.
WIBTJ if I kept trying, maybe from a different angle that’s not as harsh?
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. There was nothing wrong with mentioning the possibility to her, but she has made it very clear how she feels about it. I know that came from a good place.
However, you are the one missing social cues now. You are pushing her, and she keeps asking you to stop. You are making her feel uncomfortable, analyzing her all the time. That can make people feel like a science experiment instead of a friend. This could be the end of your friendship if you don’t drop it immediately.
I know you don’t mean any harm, but you are causing it anyway. You are not her doctor, and having an autistic sibling does not qualify you to be one. She’s doing okay, and that’s all that matters. Beyond that, even if you are close friends, it is none of your business.
Let it go, if you want to stay friends. Don’t send her articles. Don’t talk about it. Instead, talk about all the things you used to, your mutual interests, and don’t mention this again.” AnimexsterMV
Another User Comments:
“YTJ oh my goodness you sound patronizing and insufferable.
Your brother has autism so you think you’re a darn psych now? You’re harrying her with articles and testimonials? And on top of all THAT, you’re not even aware how negatively clinical diagnosis can go for some people (cough especially adult women cough) and you’re pretending it’s all happy years and dragon farts.
I think you got it stuck in your head she’s autistic and now you’re trying to coerce and bully her into a clinical diagnosis to stroke your little ego. Yuck.” PokemonRy
Another User Comments:
“I’m 99.99% sure I’m on the spectrum. I’m very open about it.
I can’t see any point in getting tested and diagnosed. I am successful in my career, parenting my 2 special needs/disabled young adult children on my own, taking care of my mom, and living my life how I see fit. Could my life be easier off “better”?
I’m sure it could but have you ever met someone whose life couldn’t? I’m very comfortable with who I am. If I ever decide I don’t like a part of my life that I can attribute to my autism (there are a lot of positives and negatives that go with it) then I know the resources that are available.
If somebody was repeatedly sending me unsolicited articles about autism I would be offended and insulted. I am perfectly capable of doing this myself if I want to. It also suggested that the sender sees me as flawed and needing to be fixed. The way I would fix things is to go NC with the person doing it.
I’d love to hear in what ways you believe a successful and independent person’s life could possibly be improved with a diagnosis? YTJ and mind your own business!” Beautiful_Delivery77
1. AITJ For Telling My Brother Being A Dog Dad Isn't The Same As Being A Parent?
“I am a single mother of a 12-year-old girl, whom I’ve raised alone from birth.
My brother owns a Yorkie. Oftentimes, when we converse, he interjects with nonsense about how his being a dog dad is really stressful and expensive and he can’t do the things he’d like because of it. He purchases his dog many elaborate items.
He just recently finished a month-long trip in Europe (left the dog with a family member, used this as an excuse to complain because he wanted to spend 3 months in Europe but couldn’t find anyone, other than a kennel, to watch his dog for that amount of time.
Can’t take his dog to a kennel because she doesn’t have all of her shots, she also refuses to use the restroom outdoors, she’s not a puppy).
During the same conversation, he says to me “oh my goodness I can’t wait to get back to her, it’s so crazy being a parent.
All the sacrifices we have to make go unappreciated…” I explained to him that he’s not an actual parent and he got upset. I get that dogs are like babies for us, I’m not arguing that, but comparing his free life to that of any parent is insulting and I won’t stand for it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People who try to compare owning a pet to raising a human child make me absolutely bonkers! I can handle the occasional comment from someone now and then, but a constant stream from a family member would make me lose it too.
For the record, I have only ever been a pet mom and I am child-free.” RideTheWindForever
Another User Comments:
“I have 2 kids. I am not insulted. I’ll “stand for it”. My mommyhood is not threatened by devoted pet moms and dads. I like to hear about good pet parents.
Why do you need to devalue other people’s life journey? I love my kids. They’re great but if I didn’t have them my story wouldn’t be any less worthwhile or valuable. You don’t become another class of human by having kids over those “lesser” beings who for whatever reason didn’t procreate.
Quit gatekeeping which love counts. YTJ. What a thing to spend your brain power on. Dwelling on making sure your love matters the most.” __Quill__
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, and I’m genuinely surprised by all the NTJ comments. I 100% get where you’re coming from in your frustration.
I don’t have children yet (first is due in 9 weeks!!), but I fundamentally understand it’s not the same as having a pet. I also have two cats, and they very much do impact your life. Before my wife got pregnant, we 100% invested all our love into our cats.
We still do. You can be sick of listening to your brother comparing your two lived experiences, but you do not get to minimize his own because of it. Telling him he’s not a parent is gatekeeping, it’s rude, and it minimizes his life. You had so many other ways to tell him to stop, and you chose the most condescending one.
From how it reads, you’re bitter and jealous. Many people choose to remain child-free, many people simply cannot have children, but that does not mean the emotional connection they have with their animal companions is any less valuable than the one you have with your children.
It doesn’t mean their feelings of love, loss, and longing for their animal companions don’t count as much as yours with your child. Yes, your life has likely had significantly more challenges than his own, and you’ve likely had to make thousands of more sacrifices, but that’s a choice you made in choosing to be a parent; you signed up for it.
In his own lived experience, he makes sacrifices too. Just because they don’t measure up to the ones you’ve had to make doesn’t mean they aren’t sacrifices. Your brother, with his pets, saw through them a common ground whereby he could have a connection with you.
You clearly don’t see it this way. But instead of politely telling him that you don’t appreciate the comparison, you metaphorically spat in his face. That makes you the jerk.” WriteAnotherWoods
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