People Admit They May Have Gone Too Far In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
21. AITJ For Not Wanting To Attend My Neglectful Mother's Fourth Wedding?
“My (F22) mother (F48) is getting married to a man I don’t know his age but it’s somewhere around her age. I don’t have any issues with him, he’s an okay guy just has some substance issues.
This will be my mother’s 4th marriage, my dad was her second and my brother’s dad (who I still call my stepdad) was her 3rd husband. We have a very, very strained relationship.
Growing up, my mother just let us do whatever we wanted, she would keep old food in the house (to put this in perspective I didn’t know that leftovers had to be thrown away after a few days to a week because she’d make us eat leftovers up to 2 or 3 weeks after it was made.
She asked to borrow money and then said she paid me back when she hadn’t, she told me my father didn’t pay child support when he had and he showed me his check stubs as proof (she texted him calling him a liar and just an all-around bad man.
I love my dad and stepmom.) But when I lived with my mother I was allowed to do whatever I wanted and effectively was living on my own (in my car and friends houses) by the time I was 16.
I did get pregnant at 18 and as unplanned as it was I put my big girl pants on and made the hardest choice I’ve made and I wanted to keep her because as unprepared as I was and as scared as I was she is my darling baby girl.
Well, my mother found out and she told me I can’t keep the baby. And I told her I was an adult (legally) and she couldn’t force me to do anything so I moved to my dad and stepmom’s.
On Mother’s Day, she called me SCREAMING and made me cry, she was telling me about how I was a terrible person and a mean woman and how I’m an idiot and I wouldn’t be a good mother, etc. so my stepmother and father told me that I was never going back to her house and I could stay with them until I got on my feet.
Well, it took me 4 years but now I’m in my own apartment with my 3-year-old daughter and trying to be the best I can. My mother and her partner got engaged this year and I guess they are getting married at the end of the year.
She asked me to be a maid of honor along with my sister. I said no because my mom and I have some history. So I said no to being in the wedding party but now my conundrum is should I go as a guest and should I take my child or go by myself?
Something I forgot to mention is they have bed bugs and my sister keeps lice. Not that it’s bad but none of them wanna do what they need to get rid of it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t wanna go to the wedding of the person who neglected and mistreated you.
I wouldn’t either. And sounding the way your mom is sounding she’ll probably have another wedding. Stay far away and just focus on you and your baby. I wouldn’t even take her calls anymore.” ZOE_XCII
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you would be if you exposed your child to these horrible people and gave her lice.
These things are bad! They multiply quickly and become a nightmare. Lice are resistant to most modern-day substances and bed bugs are a serious infestation that can take over a whole apartment and need extreme heat treatment. Also, your mom sounds like an abusive and neglectful person.
You’re thinking of bringing your child near her?!?!?? It has been 3 years has she never tried to make amends? Has she put any effort to get to know her granddaughter? By your post, I’m going to assume she hasn’t. It’s only now that she has a big life event that she wants to trot out her family in front of his family and all her friends to seem like a good mother.” K33183
Another User Comments:
“So mom owes you money, is a liar, a manipulator, has booze and substance issues with the fiance, bed bugs and lice issues. She has never been a good and/or steady parent/role model in your life. NTJ. Do not attend this wedding.
Send a gift and spend the day with your child.” WinEquivalent4069
20. AITJ For Not Wanting To List My Mom's Husband As My Parent In Our Wedding Program?
“Engaged to my fiancee. She has both her parents living together so no stepparents or anything. My dad died when I was 3 and my mom married Ken when I was 16. He’s an alright guy and I have no hard feelings toward him.
But I don’t consider him my parent and he’s not someone I have a close relationship with, so for me, it feels weird to list him as a parent.
My fiancee decided she wanted to do a little keepsake book for our wedding, kinda like a program from a Church only this will be more customized and fun.
She does want to keep the parents of the bride/groom. My mom was actually with her when she went to the design place that makes them. That’s when the question came out about Ken. I said I was going to list him as her spouse but not my parent.
Ken said that would be humiliating after 10 years of marriage to my mom and that I needed to consider the fact he wanted to be a father figure and parent to me but I rejected that role. He has made it clear he will consider it an insult if I don’t list him as a parent of the groom.
My mom said it would mean a lot to her if I could make a sacrifice and let him be a parent for just that one day, for that one thing.
I hate the idea. It’s just not what Ken is to me.
WIBTJ if I don’t?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I also told my mom if her partner came to my wedding I would have them both removed so…I might have feelings on the subject. I would say “Mom, he’s your husband, not my dad. I’m glad he’s your husband and that he’s in your life but I was almost an adult when he came into my life so he’s not a father figure to me.
This isn’t meant as an insult and I can’t help how you take it. I hope you understand, but I’m not changing my mind on this issue. I love you and can’t wait to celebrate this event with both of you.” Then I would refuse to talk about it.
Just say “I’m not changing my mind, I’m sorry you feel insulted as you know that’s not my intention. There’s nothing left to discuss.” If they keep bringing it up say “we’ve talked about this and the subject is closed.” Have a great wedding.” Arsenicandtea
Another User Comments:
“Talk to the place that makes these there are many ways they can be written to accommodate deceased parents and step parents and maybe you can find one that you are ok with the wording. Also, Ken seems to be a good guy who makes your mom happy and tries to be there for you so from that perspective listing him may not be a bad thing.
Just figure out the phrasing. Also, you may have kids and then Ken would be the grandfather and so for all these reasons I would try to develop a better relationship with him.” MediaOffline411
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You could consider asking the designers to make some custom versions that do list him as a father for him to keep and hold.
If you’d feel okay with that compromise. “I appreciate your role in my life as my mom’s spouse and your good intention to be a father figure, so as a gift I’ll be giving you and Mom custom copies of our program that list you as the groom’s father, but the remainder guests will have the other version that more accurately reflects my view of our relationship.”” k9centipede
19. AITJ For Wanting To Cut Off My Roommate's Wifi Before Our Lease Ends?
“Our lease at our apartment ends in 3 weeks. I have already moved all of my things to my new place except for the router and modem for our wifi. My old roommate is moving in 2 weeks.
I own both pieces of equipment, and the service is in my name. My roommate and I are friends and our friend group is basically identical between the two of us. We had previously discussed that we would each go a week without it but I’m not sure if I can do that anymore.
Other options we had discussed were that I could go back to the apartment and work from there, but at that point I may as well just go into work. I pitched the same thing to him but in reverse (he comes here) and he rejected it as well.
I work from home fully 2-3 days a week and usually for a couple of hours on days that I don’t work from home. I have tried using my phone’s hotspot but it is nearly unusably slow, taking 10 minutes just to load my emails.
My roommate works from home maybe one day a month and only uses the internet to stream TV, play video games, and watch YouTube/TikTok on his phone. His complaint is that he doesn’t have unlimited data, but neither do I so I don’t see how that changes anything.
He is threatening not to pay his half of the internet for the last month of the lease. Last year when we moved into the apartment, he moved in a month before me and I paid my portion of rent, and utilities (including internet) for that month that I wasn’t even living there.
If he doesn’t pay for the internet this month I was thinking about not paying my part of the rent for June as it’s basically the same argument.
I’m able to switch the service to my new place without any fees and on any day (including same day).
I was thinking about going back to the apartment and taking my router and modem before the end of the week so I can have usable internet for work but I’m not sure if this is a good idea. I would let my (former) roommate know that this was happening as a courtesy but I don’t think I really need to.
So WIBTJ if I cut off his wifi for the last two weeks of our lease? Or should I just tough it out?”
Another User Comments:
“Okay, first, if you want to keep this person in your life and not mess up your friend group, you need to limit the scope of consequences to just the internet.
Either he pays his half of the internet this month and gets to use it half the time, or he doesn’t have to pay for internet and doesn’t get to use it. I understand both sides of your argument but threatening to withhold rent over the internet is going nuclear over a fairly small thing.
These are not the same level of importance, although I understand both of your frustrations. Can you just work in person for the week difference? I would try to stick to the original plan and just be cool about it, unless you really don’t want to be friends with this guy.” d4nkgr1l
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You previously agreed to wait one week… 7 days and he would lose it for one week also. He’s not your mortal enemy and you both seem to be on relatively good terms and SHARE THE SAME FRIEND GROUP. It’s not worth the hit to your reputation or friendship.
At the very least, you never know when you might need these people or their connections. Consider it an investment into future goodwill from others.” lytalbayre
Another User Comments:
“NTJ sorry but work trumps YouTube so they will just have to suck it up. Not saying withhold your half of the rent but point out that if he decides not to pay his half of the bills then why should you when you don’t live there?
Sure half the rent is substantially more than half Internet but that would be his choice & make sure he coughs up cash before you pay anything to him.” Kindly-Platform-2193
18. AITJ For Expecting My Roommate To Be Prepared For Our Move Out Day?
“I (22F) and my roommate (25F) move out of our apartment next Wednesday. My roommate isn’t ready.
All of my things are packed away and ready to go; I started packing in the middle of June because I wanted to be prepared and not be so stressed out.
My roommate laughed at me and told me I was stupid for doing it so early.
But flash forward to now. She has a handful of boxes packed and still has a lot more to go. She’s stressed out about not being ready, but when I comment about how she should’ve packed a little at a time, she gets mad at me and says, “Well, I work, so I couldn’t have.”
Which, to be fair, is correct. She works and I don’t, as it’s been a struggle to find a job after graduating in May. So most of my days were spent packing things I don’t need. But she had weekends and weeknights to pack one or two boxes, and she didn’t do it.
She made me feel bad because she works forty hours and I don’t. But part of me thinks that’s uncharitable because she still could’ve packed some of her stuff.
My family expects me to be packed and ready to go, so they can just pack our stuff in the race car trailer and be ready to go.
They don’t want to mess around and pack; they want to toss it and go. Which I think is fair; especially since they’ll have to take two days off because of how far apart the dates are.
I only bring this up because it’s mainly going to be my family there, and we’re using my family’s property (ie: the trailer).
My dad, mom, stepdad, younger brother, and uncle are going to be there to help. My roommate’s sister is going to be there, and her parents MIGHT be there. She doesn’t seem to care that my family is doing this, nor that they aren’t required to help her move, but they’re doing it out of courtesy.
She seems to think it’s a given.
So we were already having problems because I was frustrated at her lack of packing and general inconsiderateness since my family’s the one helping, but tonight she informed me that she hadn’t taken our moving day off.
Which meant that my family was expected to pack all her things into the trailer while she was at work. I looked at her and said I don’t think my family is going to wait for her to get off of work. She looked at me and said, “I think they can wait for me,” even though I’ve told her that when the trailer’s leaving, it’s leaving.
But every time I say something, she gets condescending and acts like what she says goes, that if she wants them to wait for her then they will. I almost blew up on her because I’m just so emotionally tired and don’t know how she just doesn’t care.
She’s basically insinuated a couple of times that she thinks I’m being a jerk and unreasonable for thinking she should be completely packed before our move-out date and that she should have taken the day off to help move. So I got to know: am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Why is your family helping her move in the first place? Are you both moving to the same place and going to continue being roommates because I honestly don’t think I could continue to live with someone with so little respect for my family’s time and help.
You need to speak up. Who cares if she gets mad, let her. You need to put your foot down and tell her that she needs to have her stuff packed and loaded on the trailer by a certain time or her stuff’s not being moved. Tell her no one from your family will be packing her stuff or loading it onto the trailer so she needs to get her act together and get packed and take the day off to get her stuff loaded or she’s out of luck.
You need to stand up for yourself. You said you almost lost your temper the other day talking to her but held back, don’t hold back. Tell her she’s acting like an entitled jerk and if she continues to act like that she can hire a moving company to do it all for her.” colliegirl01
Another User Comments:
“What’s happening here? Are you moving to the same place? If not, just tell her you’re not helping her move anymore. If you are moving to the same place and need to preserve the relationship, then you have to tell her all her stuff needs to be packed and ready to go Tuesday night, and that the truck is coming X time Wednesday morning and she’s the one responsible for getting her stuff on the truck.
You’re not going to ask your family to move any of her stuff without her there. Tell her the truck is leaving by noon. (or arrival time + 1 hour.) And it won’t be returning. However, you need to take a beat. You are over-prepared and it is very common for people to not be in boxes until day before.
She has a whole weekend to pack plus Monday and Tuesday night. So just tell her the above and then stop managing her, it’s her responsibility to go from there. NTJ because she needs to take off the day to move.” imtchogirl
Another User Comments:
“You would be the jerk if you put your family in the position of having to pack and move her stuff without her. You’re NTJ for making sure everyone is on the same page and clear about expectations. You need to tell your roommate now, while there’s still time, that your family is only going to move things that are packed and ready to go, and that they’re not going to do it for her.
You can also point out that they’re taking off work to do this and it’s not fair of her to expect to be at work while someone else moves her. Unfortunately, if she’s not ready you may be in the position of having to pay a penalty for not being out of the apartment on time, but it may be worth it.” terracottatilefish
17. AITJ For Being Upset My Sister Got Pregnant Before Our Planned Trip?
“I am the youngest of three. There’s my oldest sister Ella (35) and my middle sister Lana (32), and I am turning 21 in September, so as you can see there’s a large gap.
Since I am the youngest, our mom has been planning a trip for all of us to go out of state for well over a year because Ella has two young children and Lana has five, so it is important that they can make arrangements early on.
I am understanding of that and said we could do it any time near my birthday, it doesn’t have to be right by it, just sometime before the holidays start so it doesn’t get too stressful for everyone. So that leaves a pretty big gap of September to late November, but September ended up working out okay.
I have also never been able to go on a trip with my family like this because I was always excluded due to being too young. I always had to stay back with my dad. Unless it was 100% kid-friendly and all the children went, I didn’t get to go.
So this would be my first actual adult trip with my sisters and mom, and that actually really means a lot to me.
A while back, maybe a month or two ago, Lana had mentioned that she and her husband had a bit of baby fever and might want another child and made it sound like it would be a while before this would happen.
They didn’t sound very sure about it, it just sounded like a bout of baby fever, and at the time and even currently, they were in no financial position for this. She has always been careful and all of her children were planned but one, and that was when she was very very young, so it is very easy to know when her children are planned and she is open about it as well.
Today I was talking with my mom about the trip which got me excited and I asked Lana if she wanted to get tattoos while we were there and she said she wouldn’t be able to get a tattoo for a while and I immediately knew.
She eventually straight up told me, and even told me that she had no intention of telling anyone until mid-September but wanted me to know in case I did not want her on the trip. I told her I didn’t want her to go, and gave her my reasons, such as I wanted to stay out late and walk a lot and do a ton of activities, many which could be unplanned and tiring.
She started arguing with me, and eventually, I just gave in. I am not upset that she is pregnant, I am happy for her. I am upset that she chose to get pregnant at this time, along with the fact that she is not telling our mom, who is paying for this trip for all of us, until we are about to leave.
AITJ for being upset that my sister intentionally got pregnant right before my 21st birthday trip?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your sister doesn’t have to run her life around your wishes. Also, she is pregnant, not sick. There’s no reason she can’t do your activities.
If she is tired, she can stay at the hotel and rest, while the rest of you do whatever. You will not need to stay with her. She is certainly capable of deciding how and when to take care of herself. You sound really self-centered. Might want to work on that.” 1955photo
Another User Comments:
“I don’t understand why your sister would tell you in order to give you the option of asking her not to join the trip—but then when you say you don’t want her to come, she immediately argues against your reasoning.
While most people say you’re the jerk, that strikes me as disingenuous and a jerk move on her part. At the very least, you should set the tone NOW that if she comes, you still get to do what YOU want, and if she can’t do it due to being tired and whatnot, she goes home, not the rest of you (I see your other comment that your family usually only does activities if it’s unanimous—get out of that mindset.
Get your other sister on board). It’s her right to be pregnant, but she shouldn’t ruin your trip or make it all about her.” Sad-Atmosphere-8555
Another User Comments:
“Going against the grain but NTJ. I mean she can’t control her pregnancy but at the same time, they could’ve used birth control.
She did intentionally get pregnant. She’s the jerk to herself for thinking that she’s going to be picture-perfect and able to do a lot of activities on this trip. She’s also the jerk for not telling your mom about it. She’s also the jerk for telling you it’s fine if you don’t want her to go and then getting mad that you didn’t want her to go.
She probably knows your mom will state those facts. You are a soft jerk because I don’t think she purposely meant to ruin the trip. All in all, I think you should pressure her into telling your mom or telling her yourself because her pregnancy can cause problems, and who knows what could happen.
Another oversight of people saying YTJ is the drive over. I’ve never been pregnant but I’ve had to help a lot of pregnant ladies. None of them would be able to handle a long drive. They all would be carsick and need to stop constantly or move around.
Also being super sensitive to hot and cold. With walking around I don’t see it happening especially if it’s an all day thing.” Night-light51
16. AITJ For Using My Teenage Son As A Designated Driver?
“My son (16) wanted to go to the movies, and my husband and I had dinner plans with another couple. The showing he wanted to see was at eight, and our dinner plans were at 8:30.
So I told our son he could take my car if he dropped my husband and me off at the restaurant and picked us up after his movie was over.
He agreed, so that was that.
We got dropped off at 7:45 and nursed a cocktail at the bar until it was time for dinner. Since we knew we wouldn’t be driving, we didn’t worry about limiting our intake and just enjoyed dinner. Dinner wrapped up around ten, and our plan was to hang out at the bar until our son texted us.
Our friends asked if we wanted to split a cab, so I explained our son was picking us up. She asked me if we actually used our teenage son as a designated driver. I explained it works for everyone because he gets to take the car, and we don’t have to worry about how much we drink.
My friend thought that was horrible. She said anything could happen to our son, and we would be stuck at a restaurant, not sober (we weren’t intoxicated) with no car to drive to his location to help him. I think she was being rather dramatic.
I don’t really want to ask friends or family to weigh in in case they agree with her. So, anonymous internet strangers, was I a jerk for having our son drop us off and pick us up?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My mom didn’t go out to bars or parties for years and finally let loose a little and utilized my DD services a few times when I got my license.
I think that was a pretty fair trade for getting car privileges and taught me to be responsible about getting a ride if drinking will be involved. It let me know my mom trusted me and I wasn’t afraid to call her if I had been drinking.” renaissance-Fartist
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Assuming you weren’t so sloshed that your son had to baby you, this sounds like a win-win. This reminded me of how my mom used to tell me and my sisters as teens that she would rather us call her in the middle of the night than get in the car with a not sober driver.
She would never punish us for that. We only took her up on this promise one time. Sure enough, 2 am, she answers the phone after a couple of rings and was there to scoop us up pretty quickly. The only lecture we got was “You know, I really meant what I said, but you kids are in your 30s now and probably should have just called an Uber.”” BoomBoomJacob
Another User Comments:
“There are a few factors involved in this but the biggest one is how long your son has had his license and what restrictions may or may not still be on it. Many newly licensed drivers still carry restrictions on who they are legally allowed to drive around, how late they are allowed to be on the road, etc. Assuming all that was taken into account: It’s good to model safe behavior to your son.
It’s good that no one was really not sober. It’s not necessarily something that should become a pattern, as there can be an impact on kids from regularly having to “care” for the logistics of parents’ drinking, but here and there being aware of and learning from safe and responsible behavior like this is is a perfectly fine thing.
Sounds like maybe your friend has experience with the other extreme and is reacting accordingly.” historyandherbs
15. AITJ For Being Upset With My Partner's Lack Of Support After My Father's Death?
“I (15m) recently lost my father in a motorcycle accident. He was in the hospital for about a week and a half before my family and I took him off machines to let him pass away.
He had a traumatic brain injury and the doctors said that maybe in 15 years he’d be able to hold a spoon but that’s the best we’d get if we kept him on machines for the rest of his life.
Throughout the whole thing from the day of the accident until my dad’s service, my partner (15m) was making himself into the victim.
He told me he would be upset with me if I wore my father’s ashes over our matching necklaces. He also said that he was more emotionally wrecked from me not paying attention to him and not talking a lot to him while I was at the hospital than I was from my dad having to pass away.
I went off on him multiple times saying how ridiculous he’s been being.
One night I was worrying about my family’s financial situation since my mom is unemployed and my dad made all the money (for context – my cousin took me shopping ONCE to keep my mind off things) my partner then proceeded to say “if you’re really that worried about money then why are you shopping all the time.” I went shopping once… all my other friends agree that he is being very inappropriate and selfish but my partner told me people are telling him including his therapist that I’m being very unreasonable.
So… AITJ??”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – if ANYONE is telling him that you are being unreasonable, I can assure you that he’s lying about everything. And given everything you’ve said, I can’t imagine him not lying to get sympathy, especially given he’s exaggerating things regarding you to make you feel guilty.
I recommend you end the relationship with him ASAP, he’s got very abusive and narcissistic traits. If you were strong enough emotionally, I’d tell him that even if I wasn’t ending the relationship with him for my mental health because I need to focus on healing, I would still be ending the relationship with him because I have too much respect for myself to continue to be abused by him.” elvaholt
Another User Comments:
“Oh honey I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for your loss and I’m sorry someone you care for can’t step back and let you grieve. Stop worrying about what he thinks and just feel. You’re going to get through this and if he’s there on the other side is his choice.
If he isn’t there, there are better things in the future, but what’s really important is the right here right now. When you’re ready to feel the rest of the world it’s going to be there, but right now just feel and grieve and be with those who loved your daddy the most because you and they are what matters.” jeszebella
Another User Comments:
“You guys are very young and he’s immature. I watched my daughter go through a similar situation (details were completely different but she had a life-and-death trauma to face and her partner couldn’t deal past his own feelings to be supportive of her).
Dealing with serious life/death situations as a teenager makes you grow up very quickly in a way that makes it hard for other teens to relate. Your partner is immature and wants all your attention. He’s definitely being the jerk. Hopefully, he will eventually mature.
You shouldn’t stick around to find out. He currently does not possess the empathy and maturity to be a supportive partner. He’s too needy to think about you. You’ll be much better off without him. I’m very sorry for your loss. Please get into counseling to help you process this horrific trauma you’ve been through.
Sending you a mom hug.” Initial-Frosting4063
14. AITJ For Stopping To Pay For My Sister's Childcare After Changing Jobs?
“I (28F) used to make +200k in my old job working at a big tech company. Really horrible working conditions (12-16h) and I very nearly burnt out. I had a lot of company stocks on the line but left before any of them were vested so I got nothing.
But in the end, it was all I could do to get up in the morning. Now I’ve switched to a job making $120k. It’s still not bad, but the real benefit is how they treated me. Really relaxed environment, I never work a full 8 hours, usually more like 6.
If I tell them I’m not ready to pr and they don’t make it seem like I’m a jerk. Definitely the best job I’ve had and I plan to stay.
The only thing is my parents and sister are upset with me because I was paying my sister’s childcare costs and then stopped. Her ex-husband divorced her and left the country so she can’t get child support from him, so now she has 2 kids and has to work.
My parents live in Spain at the moment and can’t help.
So she asked me to pay for childcare and I did for a while because it didn’t affect me financially making as much as I did. After I started job searching I told her I wasn’t paying for her childcare soon because my next job won’t be as much.
It isn’t but she is upset because she expected I would pay for it forever. I told her I couldn’t be expected to pay for it forever but she’s mad because she had to quit her job because childcare was more expensive.
She thinks because I paid for it once I’m responsible until they can go to school but that’s insane to me. We had a fight where she blamed me for being weak for quitting my high-paying job after I complained it was stressful and told me she could handle any amount of stress if she made what I did.
I lost my temper and told her to go to school and study instead of seeing losers and dropping out and then she can make what she wants. She started scream yelling at me and I hung up.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s rough because you’re being pinned between a rock and a hard place.
Through your sister’s eyes, she will see you as an “ungrateful jerk”, but don’t let that get to you. It’s not your kid and therefore it’s not your responsibility. In actuality, this is one of the reasons why I personally do not believe everyone should have children, as they are unprepared and irresponsible for another life.
To end this, just remember that (as selfish as this may sound), your well-being is just as important as their well-being. Your sister made her choice and never invested in herself while you did with school, now she’s paying the price for it. Welcome to adulthood.” FriendlyIntegral
Another User Comments:
“Not very classy when you lost your temper, because she probably knows she is in the bad there for her choices to not finish school or having to quit a job. But understandable that you snapped when she clearly proved she had never been in your shoes at work and didn’t know ‘money doesn’t make one happy’.
But your sister is not entitled to your money, nor your worsened mental health in your previous job. You explained in advance what went on. If you’d dropped out with burnout or other medical issues, you wouldn’t have been able to pay for it anymore either.
She probably already knows she was in the wrong for expecting so much from you. NTJ.” VictoriousSeahorse
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I mean I feel for your sister – she’s in a rough position. But that position has nothing to do with you. It’s awesome that you were willing to help for a while – and that you gave her a heads up.
But the reality is that it was always going to end. Eventually, you were going to need that money. (and realistically, she was going to want you to help forever. First, it would be after-school care. Then activities. College. Because why not? You were already helping.) Your sister needs to figure out other options.
Whether it’s looking into the unlikely possibility that she qualifies for subsidized childcare or seeing what kind of childcare she can afford (even if it’s childcare that wouldn’t be her first choice.) Whether it’s looking into other kinds of gov’t support that may free up room in her budget that would help her afford childcare.
Maybe it’s looking into splitting childcare with another mom so she watches all the kids while that person works and vice versa. Heck, your parents (or one of them) can move back from Spain and be your sister’s childcare. Are any of these good choices?
No. But you can’t live your life to be your sister’s bank account. That’s her job.” rak1882
13. AITJ For Cancelling My Birthday Plans Because Of My Picky Friend?
“For our birthdays each year the birthday person picks about 2-3 restaurants and sends them to the friend group and we vote on where to go.
For their birthdays last year, my friends abandoned this voting style, they just selected the restaurant themselves and I would be fine with whatever they chose. So my birthday is coming up and I picked a place that I was excited to go to. After I invited my friends, “D” side texted me and said, “lol, you picked a place with tacos, M doesn’t eat those.” And then sure enough M wrote back to the email saying she does not like tacos and asked if we can go somewhere else.
I am feeling upset and frustrated right now. M is extremely picky; she doesn’t even like Italian food. One year for my birthday when we got to the Italian restaurant she read the menu outside and was so upset she didn’t like anything on it and ran away to eat at Wendy’s.
As ridiculous as that sounds this is a true story. I spent a lot of money on the place M chose last year and I don’t get why she has to be like this when it comes to my birthday.
So I told my friends to forget it, I wasn’t going to do anything with them this year.
And now they are acting like I am being a big baby. But I don’t want to entertain the drama and now I don’t even feel like interacting with them, I just want to have a good birthday for once. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
M sounds like an entitled brat. If she’s going to force you to eat at an expensive restaurant, you have every right to choose a restaurant she doesn’t like. She can bring her own food, or not eat at all if she’s that picky.
Or, she doesn’t have to go at all, and you and D can eat your dinner in peace. At the end of the day, it’s your birthday dinner, and you get to decide who gets to go with you.” ItsMeAnna0017
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Speaking as someone who has some food issues – how to handle going to a restaurant (for example, to celebrate a friend’s birthday) that doesn’t have food I can eat: 1. Let the group know in advance in an upbeat way that “hey, tacos aren’t my thing, so I’ll be there, but I’ll just be grabbing a salad/some chicken fingers/a slice of cake”.
2. Eat meal at home 3. Go to restaurant 4. Bring gift & be fun 5. Order a drink and a dessert or appetizer, or possibly something off the kid menu (because almost every place has something inoffensive, even if it’s not a main dish) 6. Continue being fun.” SnarkyBeanBroth
Another User Comments:
“When it’s their birthday, they get to dictate where you go. When it’s your birthday, YOU say where you go because the celebration is about YOU. Since when does someone else’s birthday get changed because 1 person didn’t like the place.? Just how entitled and difficult is M that your other friend tried to change it so she wouldn’t be inconvenienced?
NTJ. And who TF doesn’t like tacos? Enjoy your birthday how you want!” JenantD80
12. AITJ For Throwing Away My Neighbor's Tattered American Flag After A Storm?
“A few nights ago we had a pretty nasty storm roll through town.
There was a lot of wind and even some downed trees and power outages in my area.
My neighbor’s American flag that he has hung up on the front porch detached from the side of the house and blew over into my yard. It was already tattered up before the storm and was in extra rough shape by the time it blew into my yard.
I was picking up after the storm and noticed the flag. It was dirty at this point too (the whites of the stripes were brown). I picked it up and just threw it in the garbage bin on the side of my house. My neighbor allegedly must have watched me throw it away or noticed it hanging partially out of the bin because he stomped over into my yard, retrieved it from the trash, and then pounded on my door to confront me about it.
When I opened the door I couldn’t even get a word in before he was screaming at the top of his lungs. He’s apparently a veteran, I deciphered that yesterday from his incoherent outburst. I tried to interject multiple times but he started getting more confrontational, approaching me with his finger out pointing at me, and scolding me.
I slammed the door in his face and after 5 mins of him loitering on my property while yelling through the doorbell camera, I called the police. Police approached and he was talking to them for a bit, but he wouldn’t calm down and the police eventually had to detain him.
His wife later went to social media and wrote some long-winded post about how veterans get no respect in this country and something about respecting the flag. I got a few messages from close family and friends but ignored them. My wife is catching backlash from other neighbors and they’re saying at the very least I need to replace the flag that I “stole and disposed of illegally”.
He couldn’t respect the flag he claims to love so much and that was made clear by the condition he allowed it to get in, therefore I will not be replacing the flag. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No comment on the story because as a non-American I just…
Don’t understand? When our flags got torn we would throw them out… No special garbage ceremony needed (not that the ceremony is garbage, but that the old flag is destined for the garbage and the ceremony is for it. I realized that sounded real saucy.) When your American flag boxers/blankets/shirts etc wear out do you do this too?
Or just a flag flag? I’m just curious where the distinction is, it’s a huge cultural difference and I’m genuinely interested!” NoIdeaWhatImDoing097
Another User Comments:
“I’m going with ESH but mostly on him. I mean I get where you’re coming from, the flag looked pretty destroyed after the storm and it’s not like flag protocol is widely known in the states outside of those who with some background in the military (pretty sure most on this thread read one comment about it here and said it).
It probably would’ve been better to just return it though given you knew it was his. Instead of approaching you and just asking about it calmly or even telling you that that’s not how you dispose of a flag he decided to throw a tantrum, and then when the police came he still wouldn’t calm down.
It also sounds like either he or his wife is telling a different story about how you removed it from their property and threw it out. I don’t think you’re obligated to replace it either. I mean firstly, he let the flag get in that condition not you.
Secondly, he recovered the flag, so he has his flag now. You made one faulty judgment here by throwing it out and not returning it to him, he went into a blind rage, got arrested, blamed you, and is now demanding you replace the flag.
He is clearly way more of a jerk than you here.” JPastori
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Was the neighbor arrested, detained, or talked to by police, you’re saying he was both arrested and detained…? I find it hard to believe that the police arrested a man over being upset that his property flew into his neighbor’s yard and said neighbor threw it in the garbage?!
I find it even harder to believe through the context of the property was a flag, the man is a veteran and these are the 5-0. Stories aren’t adding up. Maybe you should just apologize. Regardless of the condition of the flag or any piece of property for that matter, it wasn’t yours, it was only in your yard because of a wind storm; you could’ve just as easily returned it to him, set it on his porch, put it in his mailbox, etc. Instead, you took the overbearing annoying neighbor route and decided that his property, that he proudly displays on his home, is garbage and ya threw it away.
Not cool. Not good neighbor etiquette.” SnooSketches4973
11. AITJ For Refusing To Buy A New Car Despite My Father's Demands?
“I am 23 from the Philippines and about to start my new job in a government agency. My father, meanwhile, never held a job longer than 4 years.
My mom is the breadwinner of the family and as such, I feel it is my duty to keep expenses as low as possible in order for them to live comfortably once my mom retires from her job.
My father, meanwhile, thinks differently. I’m not even into my job and he was already looking at brand new SUV’s to buy.
His reasoning is basically.
“The Car will be yours when your mom and I kick the bucket. Why wouldn’t you want to?”
I am educated in finance and I can tell you right now this is asinine reasoning. I am just starting out and I do not want to wallow in debt.
And secondly, my salary wouldn’t be able to handle the cost of monthly payments for the car. The car he wants (even at 5 years’ payments) will still cost me around 40k per month. And my salary barely scratches 19k. He also says I can share the expenses with my mother, whose salary is over 30k, which she uses to pay her own debts.
So you can see the dilemma here. I do not want to buy a new car but my father seems to think he is entitled to one just because. Even making veiled threats about kicking me out if I don’t do it.
So, am I the jerk for not wanting a new car just to overcompensate my shortcomings as a man?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you are helping pay your own debts and contributing to the house then he is only going to hurt himself if he chucks you out. Currently, he is throwing a temper tantrum because he got told no. Do what any parent of a toddler does – ignore the temper tantrum and continue to say no. Your father is a spoilt child.
If he wants an SUV so badly he can go find a job and get one. You are not wrong – a car is not an asset and the car and your father are both a liability and a drain on your and your mom’s income.
I am not sure what you mean by overcoming your shortcomings as a man means – but any man that wants to live within their budget and not be a parasitic sponge to their wife and son should not be concerned about being not “man enough”.
Your father, however, fits that the term rather accurately.” MersWhaawhaa
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – maybe this is a cultural thing, but what makes him think you owe him anything? If he isn’t contributing, then he isn’t owed a dime. I’d go the extra mile and buy your mother a nice meal and a pretty piece of jewelry, but I’m spiteful and confrontational (also American, if that means anything).
Stick to your guns, and if he wants to play the threatening game, threaten to cut him off if he tries that again. You and your mom worked for your bread- it’s yours, not his. Especially for the utterly mundane reason of pride. I never got that about culture on the eastern side of the world- yeah, have pride in what you do, but arrogance and pride are two VERY different things.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As I am sure you know, unless your parents are already in their 70s, or have very bad health or both, you will never see that car. Also, once it is repossessed after you are all bankrupt, you will never see that car.
Time to be an adult and tell your father flat out that you can’t afford it and that no amount of threats of kicking you out is going to change that. I hope he doesn’t but you cannot afford this.” 8kijcj
10. AITJ For Insisting My Brother Get A Prenup After Multiple Failed Marriages?
“My (27F) brother (30M) has had 3 failed marriages in the last 6 years. Let’s call my brother Michael and his current fiancée Steph. This relationship started with similar circumstances to all his previously failed relationships. They meet on some sort of app, she was overseas (We are American), he subsidizes her trip to visit/meet him for the first time in America, he flies over her parents to meet them soon after, they begin moving incredibly fast, proclaim their undying love for each other within the month, and they get engaged.
With his last 3 failed marriages, he was used for his wealth not only for his partner but also the partner’s parents back in their home country. He even paid for their family’s education/tuition etc and other things in their home country. I think it’s also very telling that all these marriages ended, and left him both brokenhearted and broke.
At this point, I’m losing my patience. He is a grown man who is, without fail, being taken advantage of by strangers over the internet and being promptly divorced by them.
His current relationship is a similar situation—Steph (24F) is from Thailand. They “fell in love” through some app that he won’t disclose.
He’s completely head over heels for her but I’m just not buying it. We ended up having a heated discussion over this, and it ended with me calling him an idiot and insisting he get a prenup before he gets royally taken advantage of again.
He’s angry, feels insulted, and says that I don’t trust him to be a grown man who can learn and grow from his mistakes. I didn’t think I was wrong whatsoever until I got some calls from my parents telling me that I crossed the line, because they think Steph is different and I’m “judging her for a past that has nothing to do with her.”
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Your brother is choosing this time and time again. There’s no “poor brother” here. He knowingly goes on social sites catered to these kinds of relationships. He loves playing the big guy with his love interest. Deep down he knows it’s all a scam, but he loves the way it feels while in the fantasy fog.
You are in no position to dictate what a grown man does with his wealth. So a slight YTJ for demanding something that is not yours to ask, but not for being honest with him. I’m guessing you have to pick up the pieces every time a marriage fails.
You can’t dictate how he lives his life, but you can choose how you respond to his choices. You can stop picking up pieces. Tell him if he rushes into another marriage you will not be there for him during the next divorce.” DubiousPeoplePleaser
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Are you paying his bills? Are you paying for his divorce lawyer? Is he living in your house after these divorces? If you said no to these questions, then keep out of it. You can even opt out of the “being there” bits.
You can just say, Bro, I love you and I want the best for you. But you’re making bad decisions and I’m not going to try and warn you anymore. You’re going to have to figure this out on your own. You already know my opinion.
Then leave it alone. When he calls, repeat that. Tell him to talk to a therapist. Send him to your parents. When they try and push it off on you, modify your message and send it right back to them. It’s not your monkey and not your circus.” kevwelch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But OP shouldn’t try to blame just Steph. Michael seems to be someone who wants to be used. He rushes things, marries a nearly stranger. He throws money at them and wonders why they are after him for that. If it throws breadcrumbs in the park, pigeons will come.
I wouldn’t be surprised if some of his brides are even connected. But he doesn’t learn. He got divorced three times before 30, and now marries someone after a handful of months. I wonder if Steph is a catalog bride. I mean how do you meet someone in Thailand that you need to fly in?
Or did he write really everyone who answered him on the app? Even those bots? His naivety must be… just wow. I can understand OP’s frustration, but he is an adult. He wants to ruin his life. You can suggest having a prenup, but unfortunately, he doesn’t need to listen.
Maybe he will do it at his fifth, sixth, or tenth wedding. Or he will be finally happy if there isn’t any money to get.” Sheeps_n_Birds
9. AITJ For Wanting A Child-Free Private Movie Experience?
“A movie theater chain near me offers private rentals to watch movies.
I started doing it so my wife and I could get out of the house for a bit and continue to do it because it’s nice to see a movie and not have to worry about the behavior or viewing habits of strangers.
I have reserved a theater in a few weeks to see the upcoming Dr Strange movie.
My wife mentioned possibly inviting some friends to join us. I have no problem with this, but I told her to make it clear that no children are allowed (several couples we are friends with have babies/infants under 1 year of age) and I do not want to be disturbed by crying, etc. My wife did not like that ‘requirement’ and said they should be invited regardless.
I am paying for the theater rental and not asking anyone to contribute to the bill. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s clear this is a private gathering for adults; if kids could come, why bother getting a rental? You guys could all just go to the movie theaters.
You booked the rental and were even okay with your wife inviting her friends but she doesn’t want to respect your wishes of not having kids there. You’re not even obligated to let her friends come to begin with so in no case are you the jerk for not wanting kids there.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Kids that young do not enjoy more grown-up movies, especially in cinemas, the flashes and light changes, the super loud sound is bad for their sensitive hearing, and god forbid you get something moderately scary on the screen (my sister didn’t sleep for a few days after watching Indiana Jones and the Crystal skull when she was 6)… And they make sure to make their displeasure known so no one else can enjoy the movie I’m not an “exclude all kids” kind of person, but I consider that there are family-friendly plans, there are plans that can be adapted for kids (parents having a dinner while their kids eat dinner with them and then play in another room so they can also have fun) and there are plans that are for the adult friend group (or sometimes 12 years and up).
This seems to be one of the latter.” Slow-Bumblebee-8609
Another User Comments:
“NTJ it is annoying to watch a movie with babies or children so it is perfectly valid to not want them to be invited. But I can also see where your wife is coming from because she is probably thinking that it would be nice to not exclude your friends with babies.
However, you said to your wife about your requirements so that can give the friends an opportunity to be able to find child care to still go. To be honest, I wouldn’t mind this as it at least gives me a good excuse to be palm off my child.” Adept_Ad7699
8. AITJ For Letting My Dog Pee On A Car That's Blocking Our Street?
“Our house is situated in such a way that you have to take a right from a very narrow road into another narrow road (think T shape and you’ll get it).
In a 20m stretch, there are at least 3 no parking boards. However, there is this one guy who decides to park right at the intersection because there is a tree there.
He says that this is the only way to keep his car cool since he doesn’t have a dedicated parking area. We (9 houses) have complained to him multiple times that it causes lots of trouble for us to get our car out. No matter the size of the car, you need to go back and forth at least thrice to get the car out every morning.
However, he says that is our problem that our houses are situated on that road.
This has been going on for around 3 weeks now.
Frustrated, I decided to get him to move his car by letting my dog pee on a wheel. This really upset him and he called my dog and me all sorts of insults including the choicest selection of words.
He has now moved the car to make it slightly easier for us to move our cars but still under the tree.
My neighbors are split on this. Half of them think I shouldn’t have done it but others are happy I got him to move.
So, AITJ for doing this or should I have handled it differently?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and really because all the comments acting as if you “got” your dog to urinate on his car are hilarious to me. No one can “force” a dog to lift his leg on something.
All you did was not stop your dog from peeing on the car tire. You allowed it to happen, but you didn’t cause it. Dog would have done it whether you had an issue with the guy parking there or not. For him to get upset is also kind of ridiculous in my opinion, as I’m sure you have the occasional unleashed dog or stray that is going to want to mark the car.
Not to mention stray cats jumping on it, birds pooping on it—it’s an un-garaged vehicle, so it is fair game. And you aren’t the jerk for letting the dog do it, either.” HappyLucyD
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, Letting a dog pee on a wheel is one of those basic things to expect if you are parking around residences.
(how it could have been handled differently.) You could have told him your dog wouldn’t have done it if it had not already been marked by another dog, that your dog is now the owner of the wheel. Or the moment he started being obnoxious, just walked away.
You can’t take the pee back anyway. Illegal parking is actually a bad thing to do. Letting a dog go pee on a tire is not…” Lambchop1975
Another User Comments:
“It was a bit petty, whatever. He’s a jerk for causing a nuisance to 9 households so his car can have shade.
I bet he knows how ridiculous that is, but I’m confused at how he’s surprised that someone took action – frankly, it’s even mild compared to what all of you could have done. NTJ.” FrankieintheWild
7. AITJ For Giving My Sister's Dog To A Charity After She Refused To Take It Back?
“For the past 2 years, I (29m) have been looking after my sister Lena’s (25f) dog Hula. I basically agreed to look after her because my sister lost her job and had to move back in with our parents. My mum has a severe dog allergy and so Lena couldn’t take Hula with her, so she asked me and I said yes.
I’m not a dog person and like to have spontaneous trips away etc so my lifestyle doesn’t match up with dogs, but as I was at home during this time I figured it was fine because I wouldn’t be leaving the dog at all anyway.
It took my sister way longer than I thought to get back on her feet. She didn’t look for a job for a long time and only moved out of our parents’ house 4 ish months ago. I assumed when she moved she would take Hula back, but she just kept putting it off.
Saying not now, the house is too messy, I have to focus on work, my life is too up in the air for a dog.
So end of February I gave Lena an ultimatum that I would be giving Hula away to a local animal charity for rehoming if she didn’t collect her in a month.
I warned her repeatedly but of course, she didn’t collect Hula. So yesterday I took the dog to the charity for rehoming, just like I said I would. My sister is absolutely furious, she screamed down the phone at me and text me saying I’m a ‘freaking jerk’ and that I should’ve given her more warning or more time.
Personally, I think Hula deserves better and so do I, I never wanted the dog and I feel 2 years of care is long enough to give my sister a chance to rebuild and take her back. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Aah NTJ. But maybe it was better to give the dog to someone you know.
So you know there are people who care and love the dog. Older pets often don’t go well in a shelter. I once took over someone’s older cat. He was too mentally ill to take care of it at that point in life.. it was supposed to be temporary.
It took longer than expected to heal. 3 years later I got the phone call. He was so kind and grateful. And gave me 2 options. He would pick up the cat or I could keep her and he would get a different one. I truly loved that cat and kept her.
She was chatting a lot and showing her belly all the time. We always exchanged pics till the day I had to put her to sleep. (23 years old). Rest in peace little sock thief.” International_Yam_80
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am a dog person.
A huge dog person. The kind of person that will doggy sit the neighbor’s dogs for free. I became best buddies with my next-door neighbor’s dog within days, he started taking naps on me within the first week. But dogs are an immense responsibility.
If my neighbor/friend asked me to take care of my little buddy for a month, absolutely. Not for two years though. I get tired easily, I have very little money, and my anxiety means that any and all responsibility for a life other than my own, fries my nerves.
Considering the average lifespan of a dog, this dog hasn’t had their “person” for roughly a sixth or eighth of their life already. It’s long overdue that they get their permanent home and a human that will do their very best to be there for them.” TheGrimDweeber
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but the jerk kinda… You definitely gave your sister enough warnings after she got out on her own. But, did you have to take the dog to the shelter/charity?! I understand not wanting to be saddled with this responsibility, but you agreed to take the dog in, if it was a child, niece/ nephew you couldn’t just decide to not want to be responsible anymore and for me, animals fall into the same category.
You could have taken the dog to your sister and explained where you would be going if she really wasn’t up for taking her dog back. To just get rid of her dog was not the right move. Have you reached out and attempted to get the dog back?” Glad-Ability4018
6. AITJ For Choosing A Different Mortgage Lender Than My Mother-In-Law?
“My husband’s (28M) mother works in the mortgage loan space. She is a loan officer and has constantly made remarks to us along the lines of “if you buy a house – you better use me for your loan”. Even before marriage, my partner told me that she would ask if I was looking to buy a house and reiterated the fact that she better be used.
Well, we are finally purchasing a home and we went to her to see the kind of rate we could get. It seemed pretty standard for the current market – around 6.9% for a 15-year fixed rate.
I have always been a proponent of shopping around and finding the best deal. I am the more frugal one of the couple.
I decided to secretly go get another meeting with a loan officer and got quoted a rate of 6.5%.
I want to save money as this is MY home and I’d like to spend the least amount of money. My home should have nothing to do with my mother-in-law’s commission check.
I finally got my husband to break and we are going to go with the other mortgage origination company. In this interest rate environment, it would be kind of silly not to right?
Anyway – he finally broke the news to her and she went full ape.
Called us cheap, unloyal, stupid, and a plethora of other names. Won’t return my husband’s calls and hasn’t invited us to the 4th at their place.
She called my husband separately and blamed me for forcing this decision.
By the way – she does very well for herself.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You made a GOOD financial decision. Half a point sounds like no biggie but when you spread that out over the cost of a house and 15 years it’s a HUGE amount of money. And you don’t owe her your business no matter what she thinks.
There’s an easier way out that’s, unfortunately, probably too late to be super useful: Don’t mix finances with friends and family. Do you WANT her to know the intimate details of your finances? How much you make, how much is in savings, what your retirement looks like?
Maybe you can tell her “look, I just don’t want to mix family and money…” It’ll still annoy her but maybe she’ll accept it easier?” Demented-Alpaca
Another User Comments:
“My realtor who got a kickback started screaming at me over the phone when I was at work for picking a lender with a full percentage point difference from what his preferred option had quoted. This was in spite of me telling him I had a lender in mind and confirming that letting her give a quote wouldn’t obligate me in any way.
It was nuts! Then he used the info I’d provided to call my father (I was 26 at that time) who was on another continent to yell at him. I double-checked with coworkers that my choice to shop around was normal and then let his ridiculous response solidify my confidence that I was right to look elsewhere.
NTJ your MIL should have been more competitive. I suppose you could have taken the other offer to her to see if she would match it (a dealership did it once when my credit union gave me a better rate), but you certainly aren’t obligated to do it.” SnooPets8873
Another User Comments:
“Under no circumstances do you let family handle a mortgage. This person will now be privy to every single bit of financial information. They can pull your taxes, see retirement accounts, bank accounts, and investment accounts. Everything on all major credit reports are open to them.
No MIL needs that level of information on your life. And what if the underwriter refuses the loan? Now MIL is between her job and family. This doesn’t end well. Strangers do their jobs with no emotional ties. Missed a couple of payments on a credit card in 2021?
Stranger doesn’t care, give a reasonable explanation for the file and move on. MIL could make it her business to ream you for being “irresponsible”. Filed late on taxes 4 years ago? You bet you’re getting called on April 15th next year!! Family and business should not mix.
Too much opportunity for problems and hurt feelings. Plus, you got a better rate. Half a percent over 15 years is a crap ton of cash. Let it go from there.” Sugar_Mama76
5. AITJ For Not Paying The Large Amount Of Rent My Mom Expects From Me?
“My mom (41, F) and I (23, M) weren’t really close growing up. She had me when she was 18 and I was raised by my grandmother who passed away in 2020.
I lived in my grandmother’s house until I transferred to a 4-year college, in 2019. She raised me completely on her own and I only saw my mom sporadically growing up, mostly during holidays.
My grandmother always promised me that I would always have a room in her house and she wouldn’t touch anything.
This remained true until my grandmother, unfortunately, passed away in 2020. My grandmother never set up a will or anything, so all of her assets automatically went to my mom. My mom took the house over, moved her partner (30s, F) and her partner’s daughter (15ish, F) in.
My mom and her partner started sleeping in my grandmother’s room and gave my old room to her partner’s daughter. My mom boxed up all of my stuff and put it in the basement. I graduated this past December and could no longer live on campus.
Mom offered the basement of the house for free. I moved in December last year. I clean up after myself, buy my own groceries, cook my own meals, and keep my guests to the basement. My mom and her partner often ask me for favors.
I always did without a problem because I was living there for free.
In May, my mom asked if I could drive her partner’s daughter to school every morning. I said that I could whenever I had the time, but I drive to different locations for work so some days I wouldn’t be able to and suggested a bus route.
Mom told me off for suggesting the bus when I was “fully capable” of driving her to school every day. I reiterated to her that I can’t take her to school every day due to work. My mom asked me if I could give the daughter bus money, I said no. My mom called me selfish and walked off.
About three weeks ago, I started noticing that the food and toiletries I bought started disappearing. One day when the partner asked me to take the trash out for them, I noticed a ton of full toilet paper rolls in the trash. I brought it up with my mom.
I asked her and my mom denied that it was them. I was frustrated and asked her “So was it a ghost then?” and she cussed me out for being “disrespectful.” I bought a mini fridge and started locking the basement before I went to work in the morning.
Yesterday was my good friend’s birthday, so I invited him and one other friend over for beers. We kept our volume low. This morning, my mom told me that if I was going to lock doors, surge the electricity bill with a “huge” fridge and “wild parties,” and wasn’t willing to do them any favors then I would have to pay rent.
I was annoyed but told her I would pay rent and asked how much she was expecting. She asked me $1900 and I laughed at her because I knew that was way more than the mortgage. I refused that amount. She told me I didn’t know what I was talking about and I could either pay her $1900 at the end of the month or she’ll throw all my stuff out when I’m at work.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your mother is insane. I would look into moving out ASAP. It’s going to be hard but she is only trying to charge you “rent” to punish you and make you agree to all of her stupid conditions.
I would also check with an attorney in your area for tenant laws. You may have some protection if you have been living there for a long time. Maybe get a storage unit for precious and important items. Even if she can’t legally do that, if she throws your stuff out it may get taken or damaged.” a_tyrannosaurus_rex
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Gee whiz I feel bad for you and in case “gee whiz” didn’t give it away, I’ll tell you I’m an old lady mom. I could not imagine this. Your mom is treating you like a stranger. Are you sure she pays a mortgage?
Often when people pass away they have insurance on the house and it’s paid off. Not sure if it’s the same for older people but I know if I died my mortgage gets paid off so the only bills are property taxes. Mom is being selfish and behaving badly.
I would look into eviction laws in your area and see if it’s even legal for her to do that. Actually there may be squatters laws that protect you. No idea. I do know that if you rent they can’t just jack your rent amount so maybe some renter laws protect you.
My worry is that you will be out and she will change the locks so you can’t get in. If that happens call the police, but learn your rights first.” exotics
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Based on her asking to provide bus money, the concerns about the amount of electricity a mini fridge uses, and the insane rent she wants you to pay I suspect they are struggling financially.
Inheriting a house sounds great, but the house isn’t really free once you add in insurance, utilities, and maintenance, and it sounds like there is a mortgage payment too. She honestly may be finding she can’t afford to stay there on her income, so she’s looking for sources of cash.
Given that you are an adult, it wouldn’t be unreasonable for her to ask you for some rent, but I’d say it should be no more than 1/4 of the mortgage, insurance, and utilities. Perhaps less since you won’t be benefiting from any equity in the home.
I agree with all the other commenters that you should just look for your own place. This doesn’t sound like a good living situation for you, regardless of whether you are paying rent or not.” Used_Mark_7911
4. AITJ For Not Inviting My Ex's New Family To My Daughter's Graduation?
“I (39F, Andrea) did not invite my ex-husband’s (41 M, Derek) new family to my daughter’s (17 F, Gabriela) high school graduation.
For some background information, my daughter had a rocky relationship with her father after the divorce. Each time she would come home from his house (he has her for the weekends) she would isolate herself in her room for hours to only come out to eat and to go to school.
The last time this had happened was 2 days before the graduation. When she had gone to her room I barged in there just to see her crying. I asked what was wrong and all she said was “I really hate Daria (38F, Derek’s new wife), she takes all Dad’s time and made the graduation all about Precious (16F, Daria’s daughter) and Dad is okay with it!” When I heard that I called Derek and told him that Daria and Precious were not invited to Gabriela’s graduation.
He threw a complete fit saying that if they can’t go he wouldn’t go at all. My daughter overheard this and said she was confused at why Dad couldn’t go. I explained everything and she got mad at me but settled down.
Fast forward to the graduation, Derek showed but he came with Daria and Precious. I could see my daughter upset so I said “Daria and Precious were not invited so they can leave, if you have an issue with it Daria then say it to my face I was born in Portugal I’m not scared of anything.” All she said was “okay.” And then left with Precious.
My daughter thinks I was a bit harsh and Derek thinks I was completely wrong in the situation. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…but I am confused about your daughter…on one hand she’s upset that Daria made it all about her and Precious….but then is mad when you tried to handle it and again saying you’re too harsh when they showed up.
I’m guessing what you should have done was ask Gabriela what she wanted to happen…not just disinvite them. When dealing with my own 15-year-old hormonal daughter’s problems, my first question is “What do you want me to do?” Not sarcastically, not mad, not irritated…but a simple question.
If I get an I don’t know…then I start asking more granular questions like “Do you want me to do this? Or that?”” The_Fires_Of_Orc
Another User Comments:
“What I want to know is: What has been going on at dad’s house every weekend with his new wife & her daughter to make Gabriela come home and self-isolate and, basically, only come out Monday mornings to head to school?
That says way more to me about how dysfunctional things must be at her father’s house with Daria & her Precious. OP went into Mama-Bear mode when her daughter, with tears streaming down her face, told her she was upset because Daria has been re-focusing everyone’s “graduation attention” back on to her Precious … instead of letting Gabriela have her own darn moment, NTJ.” MannyMoSTL
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk except the kids. First, get your daughter a good therapist. She’s depressed. And who can blame her with all this drama … and her dad is a jerk. Second, you don’t get to decide who attends her graduation—she does.
And from the description above it doesn’t sound like she wanted you to approach it that way. She was upset. You were harsh. Third, who in the world names a kid Precious? Or marries someone who names a kid Precious.” angrycurd
3. AITJ For Calling My Wife Passive Aggressive For Contacting A Friend During Her Medical Emergency?
“My wife and I have been married for almost 14 years.
In 2019, I decided to open up a small business. During that time, I faced a lot of financial difficulties. Since I had sunk our savings and my parents’ investment into the business I couldn’t let it fail.
I worked 80-hour weeks and never took a day off. It was very rough but worth it.
As a result, my wife and I have a good standard of living. But I still have to work crazy hours to maintain it.
Back to the question.
My wife was at work when she suddenly felt very dizzy and compassed. Coworkers took her to urgent care where they determined it was probably stress-related and not a real health issue.
When she was there she asked them to call my friend Steve. He’s a great guy and he popped over to make sure she was alright and drove her home.
When I came late that day she just said she had a small medical emergency and she called Steve.
I asked her why she called Steve and she said because he would immediately come and help her.
I felt like she was being passive-aggressive about it and called Steve as a lesson.
I called her out on it and she stormed off in a huff. Her friends have been texting me and calling me a jerk. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ — basically, you two need to talk. From this post, it already comes across to me that you don’t give much weight to your wife’s concerns.
You said, “determined it was probably stress related and not a real health issue”. Where is the stress coming from to cause her enough distress to get dizzy and need urgent care? That sounds like a valid concern, not something to be brushed aside. You also replied in the comments “for a medical emergency, yeah.
If she wants me to drop off work and do something for her, no.” But who determines the importance of these things? Maybe it’s the way it’s worded, but it reads to me that you think a lot of her concerns are irrelevant and she cannot be trusted not to waste your time.
That said, she said it was a “small medical concern”, meaning she deemed it as something you might brush off, but Steve won’t. If you want her to rely on you and not her coworkers or Steve, express to her in words and actions that you are all about being a reliable partner, and maybe ask how that looks like to her so you can both be on the same page.” asleep_awake
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. My guess is you haven’t shown up for her enough that she figured she’d call someone she could count on. Do you really think that when she’s in the hospital with a medical emergency, she’s thinking, how can I be passive-aggressive and make a point with my husband who never shows up for me?
More likely she was scared and knew that you’d say it was “not a real health issue” and not show up. BTW, it is a real health issue. Stress causes heart attacks and strokes all the time. You say your standard of living and your business are worth the crazy hours.
I’m thinking your wife doesn’t agree.” corgihuntress
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – that wasn’t being passive-aggressive… that was a pretty obvious sign you are messing up. That you are not seeing this sign, this fluorescent, pulsing, spotlight of a sign that she knows not to call you in a dire emergency.
Hey.. perhaps it is you having to work all these crazy hours . . maybe it’s a case where you need to make a decision about whether working crazy hours is worth having no relationship with your wife. Or maybe you’ve been using this “working long hours” as an excuse for far too long to not bother maintaining a relationship with your wife and taking her for granted. Have some conversations with her, have some therapy.
Make some changes.” SoImaRedditUserNow
2. AITJ For Refusing To Wear Contacts At My Cousin's Wedding?
“My (19 F) cousin (23 F) is getting married in a couple of weeks, I am my cousin’s MOH in her wedding.
We have grown up together and have been through a lot together she is like a big sister I have never had. When I was in 3rd grade I started wearing glasses because I couldn’t see far, she was the first person to tell me I looked beautiful in them (because I was insecure about how I looked in them) and that we could match because she wears glasses as well.
Well fast forward to today I went over to my cousin and her soon-be-wife’s (25 F) house to talk about last-minute preparation for the wedding and all the fun stuff when we started talking about pictures of the wedding. Jordan (my cousin’s fiancée) told me that I should take off my glasses for the wedding and wear contacts because she doesn’t want them to ruin her wedding photos and that I would look like an outcast/all of the attention would be drawn to me if I’m the only one wearing glasses.
To say I was shocked was an understatement. I’ve always been used to my glasses and I never took them off, I personally don’t want to use contacts because it’s so much work and I am a forgetful person and might end up sleeping with them on or something like that.
I told Jordan that I wouldn’t be comfortable with it and that contacts cost money since I have to get them in my prescription which would take a while. Also that I’d much rather wear my glasses because I’m more comfortable with them on. She told me I’m being unreasonable and that my cousin is wearing contacts for the wedding so I should be a good cousin and not ruin the wedding pictures if not she will tell my cousin to remove me from the wedding and I can attend as a guest.
My heart kinda broke when she said that to me, I know my cousin wouldn’t care if I wore my glasses so I’m here asking strangers for advice, would I be the jerk if I don’t wear contacts for my cousin’s wedding? And should I tell my cousin about this conversation with Jordan?
By the way, my cousin wasn’t in the room when this conversation happened she went to buy some food for us. Please help me out thank you!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The concept of the bride getting her way does not extend to whether people wear glasses.
Stand your ground and tell your cousin. Just give her the facts. Don’t make it a judgment about their relationship. Just tell her Jordan wants you out of the wedding unless you give up your glasses, and that as much as you love her and want to be in her wedding, you will not be getting contacts.
Tell her she and Jordan can decide what they want and you love her either way and will still be a guest even if they ask you to step down. If you say anything about what you think this says about their relationship, all your cousin will hear is, you hate Jordan.” Independent_Prior612
Another User Comments:
“I can’t make any decisions for you. I will say, however, that if I were your cousin I would want to know that my fiancée was acting like this to one of the most important people in my life. There’s a reason she waited until your cousin was out of the room.
She knows what she was asking and how she went about it was out of line and would land her in the dog house. If it were me, I would tell your cousin and I would be sure to tell her exactly how things were worded and how she threatened to kick you out of the wedding.
I suspect your cousin would have some strong opinions about that. NTJ. Obviously. Even if she had asked politely, you shouldn’t have to spend money on contacts. I doubt you’ll be the only one wearing glasses. Surely the entire freaking guest list doesn’t have perfect 20/20.
And frankly, even if you are, no one who isn’t a crazy person is going to even notice, let alone stare or “treat you like an outcast.” It’s a pair of glasses, not a freaking clown wig for goodness sake. Also as for the logic saying that you can just put them in for the photos – You can also just take your glasses off for the photos.
(Not sure why you would have to, though? Pretty sure even a semi-decent photographer knows how to deal with a slight glare.)” NotGreatAtGames
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. Do not wear contacts if you don’t want to, they can be especially irritating if you’re not used to wearing them and any optometrist will tell you it can take a few tries to find the right fit.
You don’t want to be physically uncomfortable at the wedding and picking at your eyeballs all night. In an effort to avoid drama, I would just tell your cousin that her fiancée suggested contacts but you really don’t feel comfortable wearing them, and ask if she cares whether you wear glasses.
Assuming she is not a crazy person and tells you to wear whatever makes you comfortable, just say thanks and wear your glasses and don’t talk about it again. I wouldn’t go into the whole ‘fiancée threatening to cut you out of the wedding’ thing if you don’t need to, just casually check in with your cousin and ignore the fiancée and hopefully, the embarrassment of her stupid request will prevent her from bringing it up again.” Nelsie020
1. AITJ For Recording My Stepson's Loud Gaming Rants To Protect My Daughter's Sleep?
“My 17-year-old stepson shares a wall between his bedroom and my 5-year-old daughter’s bedroom. He plays online games every night and rages loudly yelling vulgar language which can be heard very clearly in my daughter’s room. Which frankly I believe she shouldn’t have to hear while she’s trying to go to sleep.
I’ve tried talking to my husband about seeing if he can get his son to quiet down, but he just keeps saying I’m exaggerating how loud he really is and it’s not loud at all. So I stood in my daughter’s bedroom and recorded a couple of seconds of video where you can clearly hear every word said as if he was in the same room.
I showed this to my husband thinking it might stir him into action, but now he’s started a massive fight about how I’ve invaded his son’s privacy and what I’ve done is so morally wrong that he can’t accept it.
I feel I have done nothing wrong, apart from looking out for the best interest of my 5-year-old daughter.
I didn’t go into his room and invade his personal space to record him. Nor did I record an intimate conversation. It was literally a whole bunch of swear words. And his conversation stopped being private the moment his voice penetrated his little sister’s room anyway.
I’ve spoken to the police who have said I was within my rights in my own home to do this as I did not go into his room and invade his privacy.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That does not sound like a good environment for your daughter and you need to protect her.
She shouldn’t be exposed to bad language and aggressive behavior even through a wall. I think in context the recording was a great idea. Your husband didn’t believe how loud it was in your daughter’s room so you made a quick recording so he could hear for himself.
What’s the issue? If your stepson wanted to have privacy when in his room he should shut the f up! Your husband sounds like a major jerk. Don’t drop this. It’s not appropriate for your daughter to be exposed to this. Don’t let your husband convince you that you’re the problem!” Melodic-Part-173
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think everyone’s covered the gaslighting and DARVO, and emotional abuse pretty well so not going to add to this. Tell your husband that since he refuses to participate in making your daughter’s bedroom a safe place for her to sleep, she will be taking his place in your bedroom until the problem is fixed. He can listen to his son cuss away, and your daughter can sleep peacefully.
Do not cave. This is 100% a hill to die on. Protect that child. Is there a basement or another room somewhere in the house that stepson gaming systems could be moved to where it won’t affect your daughter?” Ok-Study5484
Another User Comments:
“PRIVACY? WHAT FRIGGIN PRIVACY?????!!!!!
If you can hear him that clearly from someone else’s bedroom HE HAS GIVEN UP HIS OWN PRIVACY!!! WHAT ABOUT YOUR DAUGHTER’S PRIVACY!!!??? She should be able to be in her own room without being verbally accosted. WHY IS YOUR HUSBAND SUCKING SO BAD AT THIS???
His behavior is appalling, does he favor his son over his daughter? Does he think that’s acceptable? MOVE YOUR HUSBAND INTO YOUR DAUGHTER’S ROOM AND SEE HOW LONG IT TAKES HIM TO SHUT THAT JUNK DOWN. I BET HE WOULDN’T LAST A SINGLE NIGHT. NTJ.
Sorry for all the capitals, but this is ridiculous. SHE’S FIVE.” monsteramoons
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