People Flip Out In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Not Letting My Sister Keep My Purse For Her Room Decor?
“Recently my sister reorganized her room. She had this black purse on one of the shelves, that purse was mine. I let her borrow it for some video she was making.
I took the purse back and put it somewhere else in my room. She wasn’t too happy about that and didn’t talk to me for an hour.
In the morning, I was chilling on my bed and she walked in. “Hey, so my room looks really empty without that purse, so can I have it?”
I said no of course, it’s my stuff and I think that the purse is really cute. I told her she could have my snow globe instead, but she had none of it. She started saying my room was ugly and how everything is out of place.
After that, she stormed off saying I was a jerk.
So, AITJ for not giving my sister her purse?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your stuff, you get to decide what to do with it. She’s not entitled to it. Is not sharing being a jerk?
Sure. But it is your stuff, especially if you’re using that purse. If she thinks her room looks empty, she can do something about it herself. A little black purse would cost $5 at a Goodwill.” echoCashMeOusside
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You know what is really funny here: When it is your stuff in your room, it is really ugly, but when it is your stuff in her room, it is just perfect.
Tell her no and that she can go and get her own purse and items, you would hate that she would consider her own pretty room getting ruined by your ugly stuff, and thus you can not help but prevent that from happening to her.” JCWa50
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister is being childish. It is your purse. She only borrowed it and she should have given it back. Frankly, if your sister thinks putting a black purse on a shelf is the height of decorating fashion, then she has no business calling your room ugly lol.” KarenMaca
21. AITJ For Refusing To Visit My Absentee Biological Father In The Hospital?
“My biological father vanished when he heard my mom was pregnant with me, I grew up without him and only saw him once while shopping for new clothes at 13.
I’m not his only child, he knocked up other women, so I have siblings I’ve never met who he also yeeted himself away from.
Lately, he’s been on my mom’s social media saying how dare she keep me away and not allow me to visit him in the hospital.
Neither of us even knew he was there.
Why not contact his other kids?
And even though I know which hospital he’s in I have no intention of visiting him.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s your biological father but that’s all the role he’s played in your life.
He has no emotional presence, no actual relationship with you. He cannot cash in on a relationship he’s put zero effort into. That he’s in the hospital may suggest he needs blood or an organ or something, something his children may be compatible for.
He’s nowhere near earned any of this with you.” ScorchieSong
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and never a jerk for not wanting to see a parent that abandoned you as a child. The only reason to see them is if you yourself want to see them.
You don’t owe them anything. Very likely your bio dad is feeling guilty and has a lot of regrets and needs to see you so he can absolve himself of guilt before he dies. But he never tried to be there for your emotional needs so you don’t need to be there for his.” mohairsam666
Another User Comments:
“Your father spun some sort of dramatic narrative, either to his family or to a new partner. My guess is on the new partner theory, as this is likely the first time he’s said anything. Tag him in a response, explaining that she did not keep you away, because you never bothered to be around, and if he wanted visitation he should have pursued it legally and paid the child support and gotten a visitation schedule.
That he disappeared is not Mom’s fault, and who is he trying to impress with these big dramatic declarations? He’ll likely drop it or delete his post after that. Him saying that is also libel, if you can get a screenshot. If it’s not too late, I’d definitely hit him for back child support.
His estate can be hit with it, if it’s still within the statute of limitations. It would serve him right for talking smack.” AbbyFB6969
20. AITJ For Expecting My Partner To Clean The House Because She Pays Less Rent?
“My partner is supposed to pay me $600 a month and keep my place clean inside.
While she is indeed paying me, she is not maintaining the house. She doesn’t think it’s fair because I make a good bit more than her, but I think it’s more than fair considering it would cost me less to hire a maid living alone without her $600.
Or better with a few roommates. (which she is against even though I have the rooms.)
I think I’m being very reasonable and accommodating. She thinks I’m being a jerk. It’s probably important to note, her moving out doesn’t imply a break-up. We did move in together kinda soon (1 yr) and have been together 3 years altogether.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If you want a partner to live with you and split expenses equally, then you either need to be with a woman who makes the same amount of money as you or lower your living expenses to whatever your partner can afford to match.
You are treating your partner like an employee because she makes less money than you do, and that is a setup for a bad relationship. She isn’t your maid. If you want a maid, then hire a maid. You don’t get leverage over her just because you make more, especially if you are both working full-time.” CalamityClambake
Another User Comments:
“Dude – get a cleaner and have her pay more rent. It’s the only way this is fair – otherwise, it looks like you’re expecting her to be your maid. I get it that you’re trying to keep costs down for her benefit, but, the reality is that she essentially is your maid.
That really doesn’t work in a romantic relationship. It’s one of those things where your intentions were good, but the end result is bad. On the flip side – since you’re paying off her debt, and she’s moved in super quick and is reneging on her agreement with you regarding rent/cleaning, I don’t think you guys should live together.
It seems she’s getting a lot of money out of you – is this something you want so early in a relationship? If you think it’s a bit soon for you guys to live together, then it’s definitely way too early for you to be paying off her debt.
You need to take a step back and think about this relationship. Is she with you for cheap rent and a mug to pay off her debt? Or is this a good relationship for you both? Whatever you do – stop having her be the only one in the house to do chores.
NTJ.” Bruiscear
Another User Comments:
“I’m going against the current here. NTJ. If you actually pay more for her than she gives you, she’s living over her means, and then she should contribute/make it up in other ways, e.g. doing some more housework.
It’s your flat as well and I guess rent would be higher than 600$. I mean you can pay for her and share the housework but that’s up to you. If she wants to pay off her debt, she has to do some more work, and as long as you’re not actively making her life harder, I don’t see a jerk here.
But that’s just my piece of mind. Now have at it and tear me to shreds.” Appropriate_List8528
19. AITJ For Refusing To Change My Outfit To Please My Stepmom?
“I’m 15, and I identify as non-binary. Most days I dress more feminine, and I am biologically female, but most of the people in my family think my style is strange, and a lot of them give me weird looks and sometimes comment on how I looked so much better with my hair long and “natural.” Everyone got mad at me for dyeing a part of my hair since I “ruined” my natural red hair.
My siblings and I are with our mom during the week and my dad on the weekends. My dad is a really good guy, but my stepmom makes me dread going over there. She’s really opinionated and will argue with anyone and everyone. When this happens my dad will normally tell her that she’s being too much and sometimes that makes her tone it down a little but if she’s really worked up, she’ll yell, and she tells everyone (her friends, my dad, even sometimes me) that our opinions are wrong and stupid.
And if anyone tries to remove themselves from the situation, she’ll just say they have nothing more to say. She says, “you’re only leaving because you know you’re wrong.”
My stepmom is kind of transphobic, and also never approved of my appearance but my dad is sort of okay with it.
Yesterday she and my dad were taking all of us (as in, me, my siblings, and my stepbrother) out for a “family day.” I like expressing myself by dressing the way I’m comfortable with (darker colored skirts, pins, “strange” shirts, platform boots, and things like that), but my stepmom wanted me to change into something to make me look like “kids my age typically do.” I told her I’d rather wear the outfit I’d already planned, but she “helped” me pick a “better” outfit.
The outfit was actually my sister’s hand-me-downs. The clothes she wanted me to wear (a white t-shirt with jean shorts) made me feel physically uncomfortable since I’m not used to the texture, and also I like to wear stuff that makes me confident. I told her this and she asked how I could possibly be confident wearing my usual stuff and told me that if I wanted to go, I had to wear what she gave me.
I did want to go, so I told her I’d ask my dad and if he wanted me to change, I’d change. When she told me that she’s my parent too, I said that she’s actually not, she’s just the person my dad happened to marry.
She started yelling at me and told my dad how disrespectful I am.
I did end up being able to look the way I wanted, but my stepmom kept giving me disgusted looks the whole time. She was angry that I was embarrassing her and everyone else.
My dad stood up for me, but maybe I sort of was a brat by expecting to be allowed to dress how I wanted. I just don’t like people pushing me around, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You ARE a kid your age, so what you wear is what kids your age typically wear.
What you were wearing was fine. I want to elaborate because I think this stepmom is going to give you excuses about dressing “appropriately” for things. And when she talks to you about this, she will be talking nonsense. Do we sometimes have to dress for a particular event or occasion?
Yes! Sometimes a certain formality level is required for a certain event. Like if you attended a gala ball, for instance, you would want to change to something more formal—a gown, a tux, an evening jumpsuit, a suit. BUT since what your stepmom requested you wear was no more formal than what you were wearing (a skirt, boots, and a shirt sound roughly equivalent to a shirt and shorts) then your stepmom had no reason to request the change.
As long as the formality level is met, she has NO reason to request you wear something else. There is “appropriateness” (formality of dress) and then there is aesthetic, which is entirely in the eye of the beholder and personal choice. A shirt, shirt, and boots in no way sound unique to you—plenty of kids your age and any age have a funky aesthetic—and I wonder how she would feel if I showed up in her house and insulted all her fashion choices.
White t-shirt? She bores me already.” Agreeable-Celery811
Another User Comments:
“The outfit you described is literally what’s on trend right now, you are dressing exactly like your peers and that’s the fun part; sounds like stepmom is mad that she’s boring and “lacks control” of the situation, I’m happy your dad is cool about it but I’d talk to him about the way she treats you – making you not want to spend time with him/your siblings because of her actions.
It sounds like it’s only going to get worse from here.” sourdough_s8n
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As long as you are covered appropriately (not hanging out of your top or very short skirts) and the level of the outfit suits the event (formal wear for a formal evening etc).
Then you should be able to wear what you want. I don’t think stepmom’s issue is linked to you being non-binary but I suspect it’s a control issue and anything she can’t control she doesn’t like.” OwnedByACrazyCat
18. AITJ For Not Wanting To Bring A Gift To My Step-Cousin's Second Baby Shower?
“My step-cousin (f27) had a baby shower around April for her first baby.
She threw a huge baby shower in a hall and invited 100+ people. I ended up getting her a couple of things from the registry of course. A couple of months later we found out that she had a stillbirth. We were all devastated. A couple of months later she got pregnant again and we were all ecstatic.
Fast forward to now, her sister is throwing her another baby shower. There is also another registry, this registry is as long as the first one. I just feel like this is tacky and gift grabby…”
Another User Comments:
“I just want to offer another viewpoint (you know her best of course) but could it be that those previous gifts, for her, are connected to the stillborn child and are part of trauma?
Like, she will never get herself to put her dead baby’s onesie on her living child? If you do go, bring a gift. If you go, you have accepted the framework, which is party and gifts. If you honestly think she is just doing it for the gifts, make an excuse and don’t go.
No jerks here (for lack of info on cousin’s mental state).” DancinginHyrule
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Normally, I would consider it kind of tacky & a sprinkle would be more appropriate for just things like diapers & maybe some clothes if the second child is a different gender than the first. Even then, it can be considered taboo, but not uncommon.
This is totally different. Since her first baby was stillborn I completely understand the want for a baby shower for her rainbow baby. However, I don’t think it makes you a jerk to not bring a gift this time around. She likely has everything she needs already unless she got rid of things after she lost her child from grief or not being able to handle seeing everything in the nursery.
But if they started trying so quickly after, since she got pregnant quickly, then she probably didn’t get rid of anything or not much if she did.
I just don’t agree with saying this is tacky under these circumstances, because it’s probably very important to her to celebrate this baby the same way she did the first baby because showers are special & important not just to get gifts, but to be with loved ones who want to celebrate your pregnancy & child.
She got her shower the first time around, but sadly not her baby. This is probably more about healing & making special moments for the second baby that is theirs & not shadowed by their late sibling.
I’d go, bring maybe wipes or diapers if you feel uncomfortable showing up with nothing, but I don’t think you should feel obligated to do that or more if you don’t want to.
I know many people, family & friends, who show up to showers without a gift because they want to see what the mother doesn’t get. They either get the rest of what she needs or something big/important that she didn’t get. Not that you are doing that, but if you feel embarrassed or uncomfortable to me no one would know the difference between that & just not bringing a gift. So there’s a good chance you won’t be the only one without a gift.” sthib28
Another User Comments:
“As someone with 3 children, 3 SEPARATE children, who definitely kept and used things again, the fact you even have the audacity to post this gives me secondhand embarrassment. Her first child was stillborn. It was a DIFFERENT baby than the second baby. You can’t just replace a child.
I know someone who lost 2 babies very far along and finally had a little boy who was born healthy and happy and had I been invited to a baby shower for all 3, I would have still happily brought a gift each time, whether or not they kept the stuff from previous babies is irrelevant.
The shower is celebrating that individual baby, not just “any babies they have that might live”. You’re the jerk.” OnlyIllustrator5298
17. AITJ For Not Wanting Anyone To Smoke Around My Newborn Baby?
“I (20sF) am pregnant with my and my fiancé’s (20sM) first child. We’re really excited to welcome our little baby in the fall.
Now I have a dilemma, I really don’t want anyone to smoke around our baby. Like at all! I understand that we have people around us who smoke, and I can’t tell them to stop, but I want them to not smoke when our child is near.
Like if they came over, the thing I would think was okay was if they smoked before getting in the car.
I know we’ll get backlash for this. Especially from my FMil and FSil. Then also from my grandma and aunt. But the most will be on my fiancé’s side.
I really don’t want this to be done, but I’m scared of the backlash. But I’ve also heard smoking around a baby increases the risk of SIDS, something I’m terrified of. So WIBTJ if I said no smoking around the baby?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Both secondhand and thirdhand (from the stench lingering on clothes and skin and hair, etc) smoke causes serious health problems, especially in babies. In fact, I’d say you were NTJ if you refused to let smokers touch your baby at all.
The fact you’re questioning this makes me think that you have a history of being invalidated, maybe gaslighting is prominent in your family of origin. Either way, set boundaries and enforce them firmly for the sake of protecting your baby! You have to advocate for the health of your child.
This is your baby and babies can’t advocate for themselves. Be ruthless in standing up for your kid!” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. My nibling’s dad was a smoker when my nibling was first born. Every time he smoked he would go outside, far from the house, and then when he got back inside he would change his clothes, brush his teeth, and wash his hands before getting near the baby.
I didn’t even know he smoked until my nibling was three months old because he was so conscious of the fact that even third-hand smoke is dangerous to others. If this man could do this for months to protect his baby that lived in his house, people who visit your baby can suck it up for a couple of hours.
Smoke is bad for babies so you don’t want them anywhere near your child. End of story.” quibbal
Another User Comments:
“No, you are NTJ. Anyone who says you are is friggin deluded, and I legitimately feel BAD for you if you have people who feel like they must insist on smoking even in the presence of a baby.
I’ve never seen a person who smokes, get upset about being asked to do so outside when there is a child present. So what if there is backlash, this is about the health of you and your child, this isn’t the 1800s and we don’t know what smoking does.
And if your fiance is a real man, he should not only stand up for you on this but be able to kick his family out if they do not follow this instruction.” corrin_avatan
16. AITJ For Refusing To Financially Support My Half-Brother's College Education?
“While I was in uni, we found out my dad had an affair and he had a son from that affair. Fast forward years later – I’m already married and the half-bro was in college.
My dad had an affair with a woman half his age so when the half-bro went to college my dad was already retired and no longer had a stable income.
My dad called me one time and asked if I could help my half-bro get through college because he is no longer financially able – meaning I need to provide for my half-bro until he finishes college (tuition fees and everything else).
As much as I would like to help, I am not in the position because I am already married and have my own life, also just getting by to make ends meet.
I told my dad I could not help him this time.
AITJ for not helping my dad and half-bro and telling my dad that it is unfair that he is passing his responsibility to me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have your own responsibilities, Dad needs to take care of his son, son needs to figure it out.
Student loans or whatever it takes.” atx2004
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dad just can’t switch his parental responsibilities on you. You have your own family to care for, you can’t be responsible for his family too.” Cocoasneeze
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even if you had the money you shouldn’t pay.
What do you owe your father or your half-brother? Even if your dad helped you with college it is not up to you to support his child. There are such things as loans and part-time jobs which a lot of students do and have.” Irish_EyesDublin
15. AITJ For Suggesting My Son Can Change His Unliked Name?
“I (39F) and my husband (40M) have two children (17M twins).
My husband and I never agreed on a name, because I think the name he wanted was very ugly, Tulio (Brazilian here), which was in honor of his late father. And I wanted the name Henry.
After much discussion, the only compromise we both accepted was to each choose a name for a twin.
Then…Tulio and Henry.
One of the most interesting facts in my country is that at the age of 18, a person can change their name without justification and has a period of 1 year to do so.
Tulio has never been a big fan of his name, as he almost begs everyone to call him Lio because he doesn’t like being called by his full name.
You can already imagine what happened.
Our kids will be 18 in 3 weeks and we were having a family lunch on Sunday.
Tulio started to say that he wished I had won the argument about their names because I am so stubborn, I could easily have won the argument and I could have given them nicer names.
My husband told him not to complain because it is a tribute to his grandfather who was a very respected teacher in the city.
In the middle of the whole conversation, I just commented “you know you can go to the registry office and change it to whatever name you want when you turn 18? The two of you actually”.
My husband was silent for the rest of lunch, while Lio was excited about the idea, but I didn’t think he was going to actually do it.
On Sunday night, my husband was still frowning and I asked him to speak up.
He replied saying that there was no reason to change the name if it was a beautiful tribute to his father and that it was a jerk move to have suggested it, knowing that my son would want it.
And that he hoped Tulio would forget the next day.
He didn’t forget, in fact, first thing in the morning (Monday) he went to our room to ask where the registry office was.
My husband is complaining in my ear and even suggested that I did it on purpose because I never liked the name Tulio.
And that I encouraged our son to dishonor his father’s memory (even if the last name is his anyway).
I really didn’t mean to, I just said that our son didn’t know about it, and I knew this from having a law degree.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s better that Tulio heard the option from you than the year lapses and he hears it later and then blames his parents for not telling him. Husband had 15+ years to try to endear Tulio to his name, by recalling the memory of his father, and letting him know how special that name was to him.
Either he failed to do so, or the local aversion to the name is so great he couldn’t overcome it. In both cases, Tulio deserves a name that he feels comfortable and happy with.” TwoCentsPsychologist
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your husband wanted a guarantee of no opinion or personal agency he should have adopted a dog.
Tell him to change his own name to Tulio if it’s such an important tribute. All you did was provide your kids with information that could maybe improve their happiness. It’s up to them, they’ll be adults. If one bit of info was all it took for the glorious Tulio shrine to come tumbling down, the legacy isn’t as strong as Mr. “My Daddy is #1″ believes.” ceciliabee
14. AITJ For Not Wanting A Relationship With My Second Nephew?
“I am 15. My sister Monika is 26. When Monika was 21, she was with her (now ex) husband and they gave birth to my first nephew, Brian. My sister was not in the state I lived in when she gave birth. So my parents decided that my family would move to that state to help her with Brian.
I was 10 when the move happened. When we moved, my sister had Brian and I absolutely adored him. For 3 years, I absolutely loved him and was there. As his aunt, I would help keep him company for 3 years straight. I was very close to my nephew.
But that March, things happened in the family and we moved back to the state I originally lived in. From March to June, Monika and I had many issues. We were fighting, and she was overall destroying my mental health. I was 13 and became a constant babysitter to Brian.
She would guilt trip me into watching him, and he was with me every day for 3 months. I basically became his parent while Monika would just disregard him. I was stressed. I loved Brian, but kids are a big responsibility. She did so much more screwed-up stuff, but I won’t get into it because it’s irrelevant to the story.
In June, my mother, younger brother, and I moved back to the state where Brian was born. I eventually was no longer near Brian or Monika. After the move, Monika and her ex-husband divorced. And Monika started seeing Josh, someone she knew in middle school and high school.
Now, Josh was abusive, and I still personally believe he is.
In January, Monika announced she was pregnant and Josh is the father. I was not as happy as I originally was, like with Brian’s pregnancy. In September, Alex was born. Since then, I still haven’t been able to accept that he is my nephew.
I know it’s not Alex’s fault, and he’s just a kid. I know, I’ve been told that. I’m not mad at Alex, honestly. If I were to see him in person, I don’t think I would be hateful to him, but, just distant. I feel awful but he doesn’t feel like family.
I don’t want a relationship with Monika, Josh, or Alex. My mother is saying that I should forgive and forget (basically) and that I need to do that to have a relationship with Brian. But I can’t, I’m still traumatized from everything Monika did. I don’t see myself forgiving her.
I want to be in Brian’s life, I can’t bear to see myself in Alex’s with everything. Every day I feel the guilt crushing me. I may not be able to be in Brian’s life if I can’t sort myself out with Monika and Alex.
But Alex doesn’t even feel like family. I really need another person’s opinion. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have been through a lot. You were moved from your original home all for the benefit of Monika. You endured parentification by Monika. Monika broke up her family unit by divorcing Brian which, of course, impacted you.
Honey, you need time to grieve your losses and deal with your anger over the general unfairness of life. Quit pushing yourself to feel anything. Just feel what you feel. Do what you need to do for you to feel better. There is no hurry to sort this out.
Give yourself time and be good to yourself. You deserve it.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and NTJ depending. If you don’t want to babysit the kids, you should not be and what your sister did was wrong there. That said, don’t hold anything you feel towards Josh against Alex, this is why you are the jerk.
He is your family and will be around. If you don’t want to be close to Josh, all good but don’t hold a kid accountable for their parent. Honestly, seek therapy for that and talk to someone about it. For the record, I am not saying to forgive and forget Josh, but Alex is not Josh, he is Alex and he is not his father, he is himself and should be judged as himself.
Now if he grows up to be a jerk, completely different story.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“For context, you are 15, you are not yet an adult. Your grown-up parents and your adult sister should be thinking of your needs. Find someone to talk to about it all, your guilt is unwarranted. You had very little to no agency in what’s happened so far and even less life experience to equip you to deal with it.
Without knowing more than what you’ve written I’d recommend trying to be an active participant in caring for the kids when they visit your parents. Think of games and activities ahead of time that make memories, and repeat things they seem to enjoy the most or only get to do when they visit Aunt OP.
As for your sister, you are probably going to fall out and make up many many more times into old age. Estrangement is an option, I’ve got one aunt I’ve not seen in 30 years after she fell out with my parents for example. My cousins have an uncle they never see even though he stays fairly near where they grew up and their dad still lives.” FoggyRook
13. AITJ For Trying To Win Multiple Times In An Office Easter Egg Hunt?
“I’m in the trades, one of our suppliers was holding an Easter egg hunt event this week, one egg every day.
On the first and third day, I found it. On the fourth day, as I was on the hunt, a guy who didn’t work there approached me and said “Don’t you have work to do? Other people want Easter eggs too.” in a really irritated tone, presumably after being informed I had won twice already.
The prizes for the hunt were hand tools that normally cost 30-70 dollars, I am an apprentice who earns 10$ an hour.
Am I the jerk for trying to win several of the Easter egg hunts?”
Another User Comments:
“Very light YTJ. You are absolutely, without a doubt, within your rights and the rules to win every day.
Ambitious go-getters such as yourself go far in life, as I am sure you will. I cannot pass judgment on you overall but I believe that you are not a jerk. However, this sort of thing is meant to be for fun, not for profit.
It is not fun for everyone else when only one person wins. In my experience, the go-getters who go furthest are the ones who are well-liked by their peers, at least at an apprentice level. Apprentices whom nobody likes tend to do poorly. In other words, you are kinda spoiling the fun for others.
And even looking at this from a totally self-interested (through your eyes, ideally) perspective you may do better in the long run to sit out today’s hunt.” AtomicThiccBoi
Another User Comments:
“Unless the rules said one prize per person or you were hunting when you should have been working, NTJ.
Jerk implies you did something wrong, and that’s not the case. But, this is probably a good lesson in unspoken professional courtesy and office politics. These games are supposed to be fun for the office and inspire camaraderie, not resentment, which is what happens when one person wins over and over.
It was your employer’s obligation to set it up correctly to avoid that (and they should really let everyone know that it is one prize per person to avoid this), but if you plan to continue working there long-term, it’s probably smart to consider spreading the wealth around a bit.
You could help your co-workers search if what you enjoy is the hunt itself. Again, I’m not suggesting you did anything wrong, just that years of experience tell me that you will gain some (perhaps unfair) resentment from your co-workers if you win everything. That may or may not be worth it to you to deal with.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“What’s baffling is people saying you’re lightly a jerk because “just because the rules say you can do something doesn’t mean you should. You can follow the rules and still be a jerk”, “You won two, let others win” is why there’s a grumpy generation out there wanting things just given..
like participation trophies.. nah man, that’s called playing the game according to the rules set forth. Like don’t dumb yourself down to let others win, especially when you’re an apprentice making less than they are. It’s obvious I’m a former athlete, and female at that, that’s why I’m taking the stance I have.
Fair is fair. NTJ.” GameOvariez
12. AITJ For Suggesting My Autistic Brothers Be Placed In A Group Home?
“I am at a boarding school and I miss home a lot. The reason I go to this school is because my younger twin brothers have extreme autism and my parents had a difficult time raising all 3 of us because of their needs. I was not happy about going to the school and felt I was being kicked out of my own darn home.
I want to go back to my regular school and live at home. My life shouldn’t be interrupted because of my brothers’ special needs.
I suggested that my parents put them in a group home so I could live at home. I sent them links to a really nice one.
My parents got offended and said it was cruel of me. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They may mean well, but shipping you off like that is as wrong as handing you off to a relative to raise and no less cruel than placing your siblings in a facility that would provide them with the specialized care that they need. Eventually, your brothers will likely reach the point that they will have to go into specialized care, and your parents will have to face up to the fact that they packed their firstborn up and sent him away.
Try talking to them and telling them as calmly as possible how you feel. I don’t know that it will do any good, but you deserve to have your voice heard.” plm56
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but be prepared for your parents, as you get older, to start telling you that you will be responsible for taking care of your brothers when your parents are too old to do so.
Every time they mention it, you need to firmly reply “I have absolutely no intention of taking care of them. If you don’t put them in a group home, as soon as you are unable to look after them, I will be putting them in a group home.” They will say you are a terrible son and brother and all sorts of other things.
Please remember this: your brothers are not your responsibility. I am so sorry that your parents are prioritizing your brothers over you. They shouldn’t have done that.” voluntold9276
Another User Comments:
“OP please see if your school has counseling. You have a lot of feelings, and I think you need to constructively talk this out with someone in real life not over the internet.
All feelings are valid. But sometimes people make choices that they think will benefit everyone the most while hurting everyone the least. Putting your brothers in a care home may be way more expensive than you realize. It may not be possible. So I think your parents may be trying to give you the best childhood they can within their means.
I’m sorry these were the cards you were dealt, but you need to understand that there are 5 people in your family. Talk to your parents about visiting more, or maybe you could live with relatives closer to your parents so you could visit them, but be able to leave if things get to be too much?
Please don’t start acting out for attention. This will not solve any of your problems and will make it worse for everyone. I guess no jerks here? This sounds like a no-win situation.” SherbetAnnual2294
11. AITJ For Going On A Family Outing Without My Sister Who Didn't Respond To My Invite?
“I am an adult female with teen kids, my sister is married and 29. Months ago I texted all my siblings, their spouses, and my father. I said, “Hey all, my husband and dad are taking some days off work. We would like to do some things together.
If you’re interested here are some of our ideas.” 14 days later NO ONE had responded, so my family and my dad did a thing on the list I had sent out.
Later that day my 29-year-old sister called me angry that we went without her.
Then proceeded to text everyone in the group how upset she was we didn’t wait for her. I explained it wouldn’t be the last time we went, and that I was sorry she was upset but I never heard from her. She replied, I’ve been busy.
Months later she still won’t speak to me. It’s causing family drama and has just sucked. Am I the jerk?!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You asked and she never responded. I’m a firm believer that you are never too busy to communicate. Sending a text takes less than a minute to do so her excuse of being busy means nothing.
So out of 14 days, you’re telling me you never saw my text or never had the time to respond? So she was too busy to respond to your text but wasn’t too busy to call you, text the group, & could have potentially participated in whatever y’all did??
Make it make sense. Yes you could have reached out again to ask but at the same time you didn’t need to so be as it may I still say NTJ.” Dear-Willingness-803
Another User Comments:
“Sister has been too busy to respond within 14 days.
This makes sister the jerk along with the rest of the family for not responding. You waited 14 full days and heard nothing from anyone. So you, your family, and Dad decide to do something without the others. Now sister wants to bad mouth you and your family for not waiting on her.
Throw it back in her face and tell your why did you not say something within the two full weeks before you plan your activity. Tell her and the rest of the family they are the jerks for not responding in a timely manner. You owe no one an apology, especially your jerk of a sister.
Why is Dad not putting a stop to sister’s jerk behavior.” Odd-Trainer-3735
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it sounds like there was some miscommunication, which happens and there can be resulting disappointment. In a healthy environment, you would both apologize and move on. However, your sister seems to have chosen the nuclear option in dealing with this.
It seems she enjoys your groveling. I personally would stop trying to reach out. And if she goes off on you at a family function maybe calmly mention that this behavior is too unhinged for the situation and that you are worried about her wellbeing.” Puzzled-Mama
10. AITJ For Wanting To Lower My Groupmates' Grades After I Did All The Work?
“I’m F18, and my school year is ending now. We’re having our last group projects before our finals.
Context: My school does this project every year with the 10th, 11th, and 12th grades, where we have a theme to follow and have to film either a music video, a documentary, or a short film.
Since I’m a senior this year, we got the short film.
What happened was, I was supposed to do the filming. We were seven people, each in charge of something. Comes the day to write the script and the guy who’s supposed to do it doesn’t know how.
Who ends up doing it? Me. And this pattern only repeats, up until the point where I’ve done the script, filming, directing, editing, compiling the soundtrack, etc. So I basically did the whole thing by myself. While I was editing, we were supposed to make a poster for the movie, so it could be displayed. I told my group several times through message that someone should start the poster, so we will have time to print it.
Comes the day before we’re supposed to turn it in, and who did it? No one. And when I ask, suddenly nobody knows how to use Canva. So I do it.
I was very overwhelmed during this project, but still didn’t want anyone to have their grade lowered for not helping, so I didn’t make a formal complaint to my project coordinator, only commenting to him that my group wasn’t very helpful.
Now for the issue: We have another group project (smaller this time) about the other project (like a recap thing), and we were going to be the same group. We decide we’re just going to speak about our experience to the class. We have to present tomorrow.
Suddenly these 2 girls decide they don’t want to do that. They want to do a Kahoot for the class. But they sent the message saying that at 2 pm today. I only got home about 2 hours ago (so about 7:30 pm), and I have 2 other group projects and a solo one to work on.
So I forgot to respond.
About an hour ago, my phone dings, and it’s a big paragraph in our group chat, of this one girl saying that because only she and her friend did this, they’re taking it for themselves. That would be fine by me if she hadn’t written “we think it’s fair, since some people didn’t respond to our message”.
Then I got really angry because I knew it was directed at me. So I answered, “look, I don’t really care if you all do it alone, but if I had taken this same action during the main project, half of the group wouldn’t even have a grade”.
This girl went on to answer with some nonsense, like “oh but I always answered the messages”, and I was like “no?? during the making of the poster I was literally speaking to myself in the chat where were you??” And I have screenshots of that, that I can use as proof.
So now I’m thinking of going to my project coordinator and asking that he change their grades, so it’s fair. He’s already aware that I did the whole thing by myself, so I’m confident I can make it happen. WIBTJ if I get the teacher to lower their scores?
I really don’t want to be a jerk but I’m so angry, and feel it’s justified.”
Another User Comments:
“You would be the jerk for asking to have their grade lowered retroactively when you didn’t address it at the time. However, you have another option here – advise your coordinator about what the prior agreement was for THIS project and the last-minute change of plans, and how this has left you out of a project because you did not have the time to switch tracks.
Yes, you did not respond to the message immediately but you were busy and this all unfolded over a couple of hours and does not seem to be reasonable to you as far as group participation and decision-making. But do it ahead of the presentations tomorrow.
He may push them that they have to stick with the original plan so that you don’t get left out of the grade. Because even if you had NOT done all of the main project on your own, this kind of last-minute switch is not fair practice and he can address that with them as part of the expectations of group work.” animaniactoo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if you simply explain to the teacher that you feel conned because all of the work was done by you, yet they prospered. Then tell whoever is in charge of this latest project about the sudden switch they pulled on you, leaving you in the dust to suffer at your earliest possible time.
I would not request a specific punishment for the others, the teacher can make that decision. If they don’t, then you can choose whether or not to take it higher up.” 87originalwacky
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and yes I would have it formally addressed. If they hadn’t tried to call you out then I would say let it go and learn from it.
Unfortunately, group projects usually go this way if you don’t have any input on members. You’re a senior coming into your final semester with these oxygen thieves. Address it with the teacher privately, and move on. You seem like you have your act together and will do well in life.
This will be a distant memory soon enough.” Whoknew8877
9. AITJ For Choosing To Save Money Over A Family Trip To New York?
“I moved to the United States 4 years ago for school and I’ve been living in Florida with my extended family. My graduation is coming up next month and although I’m very sad about it, I’m moving back to my country until I’m able to afford to come back.
My brother is also starting school in the United States in the Fall (in New York) and is planning to move by the end of the year so he can get situated.
I had a phone call with my mom and we had decided that my mom, my dad, and my brother were flying to Florida for my graduation, then after New Year’s me, and my dad would fly back to my country and my mom and brother would fly to New York to drop my brother off closer to the Fall.
I would also have to find a way to fit all of my stuff in a couple of suitcases to bring back.
Well, today she calls me to let me know she bought plane tickets for the 4 of us to fly from Florida to New York to spend New Year’s there and that I need to buy myself a plane ticket to go back to my country after the holidays.
Not only is it much more expensive to fly from New York back to my country, but I also have to find a way to pack and ship all of my stuff to my country first because we need the suitcase space for winter clothes.
I told my mom I would rather not spend the extra money, not go to New York, and just fly to my country after January with all my stuff. Not to mention, I thought it was wrong to go back on what we had agreed on without telling me and then say I need to pay upwards of 600 dollars more than we had discussed.
She told me she already paid for my ticket to fly to New York and that I’m choosing to save money over spending the holidays with my family.
I’m also torn because by moving back to my country I’m ending a long-term relationship with my partner and I was hoping we would be able to spend the holidays together.
We’ve never been able to because I always have flown back home for the holidays and he has spent it with his own family. This would be our last chance to spend it together before we go our separate ways.
He says I’m in the right for prioritizing the logistics of my move over my parents.
But they say I’m in the wrong for choosing to save some money over the family trip. So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Have you considered shipping some of your things home ahead of time, like with UPS or another international shipper?
When we were in the military it was a godsend. As for the family stuff, I don’t know what to say. My mom used to make these unilateral decisions all the time until I finally told her I have my own house and paycheck that she has absolutely no control over.
She was mad, but now her mind is going and she can’t remember why she’s mad at me. She thinks it’s because I cussed out the husband she had when I was in high school. Oh well.” October1966
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it was very inconsiderate of them to just change the plans without even discussing it with you.
It can make you feel like an afterthought or that your time wasn’t valued which is never fun. I don’t think it’s fair for them to basically say you are putting money above family time, if you had unlimited funds and chose not to go that would be one thing, but you are moving and are limited on funds so it’s necessary for you to save in order to pay your other bills.
I would have a discussion about that if you’re up for it, and try and get the ticket refunded or you can transfer it for your flight home.” Educational_Mess_362
Another User Comments:
“Do you have a money tree in the backyard? No? If you can’t afford X, then you can’t afford it.
Tell your mom you’re happy to spend time with family. You’re happy to spend that time in FL or NY or wherever. And that you allocated your expenditures based on your original conversation and agreement of the plan. She has changed the plan. You cannot afford the changes.
Period. So her choices are: Not see you New Year’s OR see you New Year’s and pay for the change in plans. And she needs to let you know her decision by 12/1 so you have ample time to move. If you don’t hear from her by 12/1 you will miss celebrating NYE in NY.” opine704
8. AITJ For Gaming And Talking Quietly At Night Despite My Roommate's Complaints?
“I work the evening shift and go home at 12 AM. I have a mechanical keyboard and I game and talk to friends quietly during the night. My roommate lives in a separate room in front of mine. She is a very light sleeper and she says that I make too much noise in the night.
She basically doesn’t want me to use my keyboard even though I bought o rings for it (it’s an accessory to decrease its sound) and I put a blanket on the wall facing her room. She also doesn’t want me to talk at all during the night.
I ended up telling her that it’s reasonable to want me to be quiet at night, but I’m not gonna be silent, we are both paying rent and we both have rights. She said I’m not being quiet. I told her that at this point, it’s not my problem and she got very upset, I don’t know what she is planning to do now.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and here is why: YOU may enjoy your significantly shifted schedule of staying up all night, but most humans are diurnal, as evidenced by the majority of businesses being open and most jobs and classes being held roughly 9-5. So most people sleep at night because they have to for work/class and because they prefer to, and most people would have trouble sleeping while someone was talking next door and clacking away on their keyboard all night.
You are TALKING. You’re not “being quiet.” Pretty much every apartment building and shared living situation out there has quiet hours from 10 pm to 7 am, give or take. Her expectation of quiet hours during this time is completely normal and average and in line with most shared living spaces.
You are the one with the shifted nonstandard schedule. You need to be quiet at night. You’re saying you’re already “being quiet,” but if she can hear you talking through the wall, then you are not being quiet enough and it’s on you to do better.” rampaginghuffelpuff
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I’m also a light sleeper and I’ve been close to states of psychosis before from being woken up repeatedly throughout the night and kept awake by things such as our pets making noise in the house or neighbors playing loud music.
It’s torture. Earplugs and white noise sometimes help when I’m like on day three of messed up sleep and am so far gone with exhaustion, but normally they are ineffective. Everyone is saying she can deal with it, this is the price of having a roommate, etc but no one is turning that same logic around on you.
What is more important, your entitlement to be able to game and talk and make noise after midnight, or your roommate’s entitlement to quiet hours? Just like people are saying “tough stuff” to her, I would say the same to you. You want to game and make noise at those hours?
Tough. I’d recommend getting a silent keyboard and only text chatting with friends. That would be the reasonable, mature, and in my mind obvious thing to do. I’d personally feel horrible if I knew I was disturbing someone’s peace. If you’re absolutely committed to making noise after midnight you need to live alone or with a roommate who keeps similar hours.” Fearless_Lychee_6050
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Let’s be real, you’re a narcissist who is looking for enough yes-men to take your side so that you can take this to her and gaslight her into believing she is the problem. She isn’t. You are. Much like you, I am someone who is up at all hours of the night, but I don’t for one second believe that it gives me the right to keep people who are on a much more normal schedule than I am awake.
You know she’s a light sleeper yet rather than modify how you do things in order to make life for everyone better, you’re on here making excuse after excuse and showing everyone what an inconsiderate jerk you can be. She can’t help she’s a light sleeper, you can help that you’re being noisy.
The reality is that if you’re going to keep odd hours, you either need a roommate who keeps the same hours, live on your own, or simply modify what you’re doing so you don’t make everyone miserable. Stop being the jerk and let that girl get some sleep, mate.” FlamingBlades
7. AITJ For Sticking To A Time Limit During Our Day Out?
“My husband (39M) got upset with me for sticking to the time limit I (37F) put on our day out.
I had booked tickets to a matinee show in London for my husband and me to go and watch while the kids (10F and 5F) are in school.
I had arranged for close friends of ours to pick the girls up from school as we likely wouldn’t make it back in time to pick them up. I had told our friends that we would aim to be back by 6 pm as I was unsure about whether or not they had any plans themselves for the evening (they did have plans from 7 pm).
I had mentioned to my husband that we should try to get into London for Midday at the latest so that we could go have lunch before the show as we wouldn’t have an awful lot of time after the show. My husband mentioned on the train journey in that he wanted to go to a store to look for something and hopefully buy it.
I mentioned that this would cut into our lunch time but okay. Once he’d purchased what he was looking for we had a little over an hour left before our show was due to start. My husband mentioned somewhere for lunch that would be fairly quick to eat at and on the way to the theatre.
Turns out the restaurant had closed or wasn’t where he’d thought it was initially and since we’d walked so far we had about 40 minutes before the show started. We decided to get snacks at the theatre and then go somewhere to eat after.
During intermission, we looked at the local area map on our phones and found a place we thought would be good for dinner.
We walked quite a bit to get there and discovered it hadn’t yet finished with its renovations so wasn’t ready for customers. By this point it was getting later than I’d hoped so suggested we go somewhere close conscious of the time it would take to get back to our friends.
By this point, my husband (who isn’t feeling very well anyway) was getting grumpy. He’d found a different place but it was a 12 min walk away from the train station. I suggested the place we were standing outside of and he began arguing with me stating I clearly didn’t want to spend time with him and how spending time together was important to him.
I reiterated that spending time together is important to me too but we had children to pick up. That it was a school night and I didn’t know if our friends had plans. At this point, he said he just wanted to go home because he felt like spending time together felt ‘forced’.
I didn’t argue and said fine let’s just go. We traveled home in separate seats without talking.
In the taxi on the way back home we got into an argument about the situation and how my husband thinks I don’t want to spend time with him and how I hurt him and I argued about respecting our friends by not being too much later than we said.
So, AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“So you arranged this whole special date for you and your husband, including event tickets, trains, times, and childcare, and his takeaway was that you don’t want to spend time with him? If that was the case, you could have booked the day trip with a friend, instead.
NTJ. I’m sorry he’s so dismissive of all the thought and planning you put into having fa un day out with him! I guess next time you could be very clear with him about the time you have to be home, or, I don’t know, let him plan the next date since he was so unappreciative of everything you did for this date to work.” Lizwings
Another User Comments:
“This date was poorly planned by both of you. If he gets petulant over things not working out, spontaneous plans aren’t going to work. You randomly walked around, multiple times, for no reason. You had a set time frame to be back so you can’t do the let’s play it by ear.
You should have left when he started not feeling well.” slendermanismydad
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. First, your friend told you they had plans at 7 so you did know. Second, you both knew your time constraints and kept using magical thinking to convince yourselves that you could do the store, the show, and a meal when your timeframe only allowed two of those.
When he talked about going to the store you should have decided together whether you wanted to go to the store or do a meal. Also, why did neither of you call to check if they were open, especially the second time? You both need to plan better.” ApprehensiveBook4214
6. AITJ For Refusing To Share My Sports Streaming Sites With My Stepmom And Stepsister?
“My dad met this woman after he divorced my mom 12 years ago. I was never really introduced to her and her daughter so I don’t have a bond with them.
The problems started after I was around them for the first time. They both are very emotional while my dad and I are the opposite.
My dad changes his personality for her but I don’t. I just don’t see the reason why.
My stepmother and her daughter can’t handle my personality and complain to my dad about me. They both don’t have the guts to actually talk to me because that “would hurt their feelings”.
The stepmom also did some unacceptable things to me in the past while my dad didn’t do anything about it.
(Yes, I would say I hate them.)
Now they recently got into sports and want to watch it. My country doesn’t show it on free TV so I found myself some websites.
My father, every time we watch, wants me to share my websites with them but I refuse to tell them. All they have to do is do a little research themselves. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your stepmom is an adult and shouldn’t be so immature and jealous (read your comment in a reply).
While I understand why you would seek not to have a relationship with this woman, the only person you’re punishing is your dad. If you still like/love him enough, please start being cordial with stepmom and sis. You absolutely don’t have to go out of your way for anything but don’t do anything to purposely antagonize them.
Their issues, unless they bring them directly to you, can go unaddressed. When you’re older, and you have your own place, please feel free to do as you please. But while living with your dad, and the emotional vampires he chose, be stealthy, silent, and enjoy your time with your dad.
Play chess not checkers. Stepmom already looks bad, you don’t need to do anything to add to it. Share the site, enjoy in-person games with just your dad. Share more vacation photos when they ask and be pleasant about it, not your fault they can’t afford such a trip.
Let them complain to your dad, he appears to be on your side and is not going to make you apologize so you don’t need to lift a finger to deal with that. Stop letting them bother you. They sound like the kind of people who make themselves, and those around them, miserable without any help.
Instead of viewing them as a source of irritation, you could turn them into entertainment (what will x be bothered over next).” EJ_1004
Another User Comments:
“Here’s my intuitive summary (including info from comments): When OP was around 8 years old, Stepmother (SM) & her daughter moved up to a higher social class by SM poaching OP’s Dad from his marriage.
Due to this situation, SM suffers fierce insecurities and jealousies, causing her to act in obnoxious ways that make any relationship with OP impossible. SM & daughter gained an interest in sports to intrude on OP’s bond with her father over sports. Now OP is refusing to facilitate their effort to join her free watching of sports online.
One, because it’s more of their same jealous intrusive behavior. And two, because those jerks can afford to pay for it since they’ve grabbed the family wealth whereas OP cannot afford it thanks to them. NTJ! Is this a fair assessment, OP?” Expert_Slip7543
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk. Whenever someone makes a post and leaves out specific details, to me, that usually means OP is in some way the jerk. How old are you? What unacceptable things have your stepmother done? You even openly say you hate them, which is a strong word.
Kinda sounds to me like you were never open to a relationship with them to begin with. You say you were never introduced, so why not be the better person and introduce yourself? You say your dad divorced your mom, but don’t say why. Did he deceive with stepmom?
There’s a lot you’re not saying that leads me to believe you’re being petty.” misspoofy
5. AITJ For Not Wanting Kids Due To High Chance Of Disability In My Family?
“I (28f), have 4 siblings, one of them being disabled. The other three have kids, this post is about A (35F) and B (32F). A has 4 kids (17F, 15M, 14M, 9F), the younger 3 have severe physical and mental disabilities. B has 3 (12M, 7M, 2F), the oldest and middle have the same disabilities as my older sister’s children, and the younger have Down syndrome.
They are both SAHM, and all the children are in the disability programs my country offers but there is not much money left, after all the medical bills of therapy and meds they need. Their husbands have ok jobs, but with the severity of the children’s disabilities, it is hard to go by.
On the other hand, I am single, child-free by choice, went to university, am totally debt-free, have a master’s, and work from home in my dream field. Last month I bought my first house.
I invited my family and friends for a housewarming this Saturday.
I paid for two caretakers to care for their children so they could come. Everything was fine and fun. At the end of the night, my friends had already gone home, and it was the three of us. They started to talk about me settling down, marrying, and having kids, since I bought a house.
I reminded them that I didn’t want kids. This talk circulated several times. Until they asked me why for the tenth time. I told them, besides really not wanting to have a child, I love my freedom, I love the life that I already have.
Thinking about our family DNA, that is a high chance of having a disabled child, which means more work and sacrifice, I don’t want to sacrifice myself. I want to have money for hobbies, to take care of myself, for expensive clothes and hairdressers, to travel, to live, and not just survive.
I love them, they’re great moms but I don’t want to make the sacrifices to be the same, I would be an awful and spiteful mom, and no one deserves that.
From everything I said, the only thing they listened to was about not wanting a disabled child.
They went on a spiral about how much of a blessing their kids are, how I am an egotistical woman, and so much more. They blocked me on social media, and aren’t answering me in the family group chat. My mom called to give me a speech about how my disabled brother (36M) was a blessing in her life, how he is a gift from God, and uninvited me from Christmas because my sisters won’t come if I come.
I called my brother (39), his two children are adopted. He admitted a long time ago this was due to the high chance of disability in our family. He told me my delivery was rude, but they also suck, they should know not everyone wants kids.
He encouraged me to apologize because I know how they are.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I’m disabled myself. Honestly, it sounds more like your sisters want you to make the same decision in order to validate their decisions, which is a very human thing but not really fair to you.
You aren’t them, they might love having kids and want more and that is valid regardless of what anyone else does or does not want. Also, they are possibly taking out their own struggles with resenting the difficulties on you (No matter how much of a blessing children are, even people who wanted them and who had able-bodied kids have moments when they just plain regret having them, it would be much healthier if people admitted and processed this).
Not wanting kids is a valid choice, not wanting them because there is a high risk of disability which means inevitable struggles, plus could be incredibly unfair to the child is also valid. A lot of people fuss about how not wanting a disabled child is ableist without addressing that the chief reason is we live in an ableist society that begrudges even basic rights for disabled children and adults.
Your sisters need to process their own internal worlds and reconcile the fact that not everyone wants what they want, their decisions are valid regardless of other people, and that it’s okay to not always be happy about the outcomes of decisions we made. That they can love their kids and still be mad that it’s such a struggle and so difficult sometimes.” wheelartist
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have a disabled child who is medically complex and another child with an autoimmune disease and neurodivergence. I love my children deeply and I don’t regret them. That being said life is really freaking hard, money is tight, and my own health issues take a backseat to their care.
It is a huge strain on my marriage and thankfully I married a good man because most would have already run from our dumpster fire. You have a much higher chance of having a disabled child due to family history. The fact that you know you don’t want that life doesn’t mean you hate disabled people.
That’s ridiculous. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with your choice or what you said. They are upset most likely because of their own guilt and possible resentment of their situations. Has your family done any genetic testing?” Bluevanonthestreet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am physically disabled and have a mentally disabled sister.
Every one of us siblings decided independently that we won’t give our lousy genes to the next generation. Our middle sister (the only one without severe disability) only tried for children after making a DNA analysis with her husband to determine the likelihood of disability.
What is telling is that your sisters said how the children are a blessing to them. This is a very common savior complex with a bit of Munchausen by proxy. It’s not about how lousy the lives of the kids are, how it will affect their entire being, but it is how it makes them, how it defines them.
The reality is, that caring for disabled kids like that while they are children and teens is difficult, but you are still young and they are still cute. Wait until they are 40, and you’re 85. At that point, anger is the natural reaction, or you have rid yourself of the disabled children and sent them to a place where they are hopefully not abused. It is one thing if your child becomes unexpectedly disabled, but creating life knowing that the child will suffer is simply vanity.” MisterMysterios
4. AITJ For Losing My Temper At Workers Illegally Parking Across My Driveway?
“I live next door to a business and the workers keep parking across my driveway even though it is illegal. Once someone was parked across my driveway for 3 hours and another time I was late for surgery because I couldn’t get out of my house.
The workers keep making noise at 4.30 am and midnight even though they have noise restrictions between 5 pm and 7 am.
Today when I got home I noticed someone (who has done this before) was parked across my driveway so I simply parked behind them and walked inside.
About half an hour later they came back to their car and were parked in and didn’t like it. I completely lost it at them and they told me I was a mean person and the nastiest homeowner on the street. I proceeded to call the police and formally complained to their CEO.
Is this a normal reaction?
To note — I have been calling the local council, police, and complaining to the organisation for years. I can’t afford litigation. The reason the police finally came out this time is that the parker made a threat that they would come back and do “something”.
At least it’s on the record now. And not in the US so I can’t have a car towed, this needs to be ordered by the police and they are reticent to do that.”
Another User Comments:
“(American here) Had the same issue and found this problem exists more in Europe.
To my surprise, Europeans seem to defend the “offending driver”. You did not lose your marbles. (British?) This is how it goes for me. (Bad behavior, even for the US) First time: You get a polite note written on a red piece of paper. (Looks like a ticket at first) Second time: You get to have an uncomfortable conversation with me.
Third time: You get a cheap wheel chock/lock I bought with cash. Installed like a ninja. Fourth time: Only happened once. It involved a junk car with a for sale sign for $1200, $1500 in my pocket and a sledgehammer. (I don’t recommend it. And it WASN’T just about a parking spot with this guy.) So, to answer your question.
Are you the jerk? No Sir! You’re a prince. A bigger man than me. Definitely, more classy. Although, my driveway hasn’t been blocked in five years.” Enough_Turnover1912
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is so unacceptable. If the police won’t do anything, then be as annoying as you possibly can be.
I’d be physically going in there demanding they move their car every time it happens. That or sit in your car and just lay on your horn for however long it takes for them to come out. Take photos and send them to everyone’s email address at that company that you can possibly get a hold of over and over again until they move.
Every single time. Or call and call and call their office. Leave mean notes on their windshields. Or if you have the time block them like you did any chance you get. Does it snow where you live? Shovel piles of snow all around their car so they can’t get out.
I would be so petty.” parsnipin
3. AITJ For Refusing To Take A Fake Proposal Picture With My Partner?
“My (F28) partner (M30) and I went on vacation last week for our 2-year anniversary and just got back two days ago. It was a fantastic, amazing, and romantic vacation all up to the point when my partner suggested we ask a stranger to take a picture of us in a “fake proposal” in front of the Eiffel Tower.
When he asked this, my heart started beating so fast, that I immediately assumed he was saying “fake proposal” as a ruse for a real proposal, which is not something we have talked about yet.
I think I just said “wait what do you mean?” and he said that proposal pictures in this spot were really popular and that we should “take the opportunity” while we can.
I said that I wasn’t really interested in a fake proposal picture and that I thought it was weird that he would suggest that. We moved on pretty quickly and went to dinner.
When we got back to our hotel that evening I asked him about it, since it had been on my mind and I could tell that I had actually really upset him.
I asked him explicitly “were you planning on actually proposing to me and I ruined it?” and he said no, that he doesn’t think we are ready for that step (and for the record, I agree. Our relationship was long distance for the first 8 months and I am planning on moving in with him when my lease is up in January).
He said that he always thought the proposal picture in front of the Eiffel Tower was really romantic and that he’s worried whenever he actually does propose it won’t be as romantic as Paris, so he wanted to get the picture while we could.
I apologized but told him that I was only interested in actual proposal pictures and that I would love them whenever/wherever it happened. He has been pretty crestfallen since this conversation and I really feel like I genuinely ruined something for him.
I called some friends when we got home and got mixed advice, some agreeing that it was a really odd request, and some saying I should have just taken the fake proposal photo which would have been no harm done.
AITJ for not taking the photo with him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is weird. And also tone-deaf on his part. Like, what was he planning on doing with the photos? Anyone seeing them online would instantly think it was genuine before reading any accompanying text that explains it’s “fake”. Which is just a jerkish move in itself.
The only way it would make sense is if he actually was planning on proposing and is too proud now to admit it. But you don’t “spring” a fake proposal idea for that. You just ask a stranger to take a few photos, and they’ll quickly realize what’s happening.
Fake proposals aren’t romantic. Even in front of the Eiffel Tower. And if he’s bummed because he genuinely just wanted to do a fake proposal for laughs and giggles and you said no, then boohoo, he’s an adult, tell him to get over it.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. On the one hand, he’s right that he might not have as romantic a spot to propose when the time comes. But what are you supposed to do with “fake” proposal pictures? Save them until you get engaged and then send out 2-year-old photos and have everybody say “did they go to Paris again?” It’s been made clear to me that I’m an old curmudgeon, but this focus on getting the perfect picture of an event is way overblown.
Particularly with proposals, where you’re somehow supposed to get your partner to the top of a mountain at sunrise or a beach at sunset, with a friend hiding to take photos and keep it a surprise. What is important (I imagine) is for you to feel a certain way when he proposes, not posting a fake photo on social media to announce it.
This is a great opportunity for you to explain to him what you would actually like your proposal to be like.” 1962Michael
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This sounds like something he wants to do for the aesthetic and not for the emotions, and that’s not just fair to you.
I wouldn’t want to do fake proposal photos either, at least, not unless the proposal was real. That’s the real issue here. If he wanted to “redo” a real proposal for the art of it under the Eiffel Tower, that’s fine. You could do a whole series of proposal pictures and often, people do pose in proposal situations for engagement photo shoots.
That’s a celebration of your love and artistic selves. Your partner sounds like he just wants to celebrate his artistic self, and there are other options for an Eiffel Tower shoot than a proposal. He wants the trappings, not the engagement, and that’s weird. To add in a paranoid perspective, it is also the kind of thing that someone would do to trick their parents or families or other people as to their status or their future planning.
It could also be a way to garner followers or social media connections or marketing. In any case, doing something like a proposal “for the aesthetic” rather than for the right reasons could be possible… if you were both into it. You’re not, and you are not the jerk for it.
If he is acting upset about it, you need to ask him why. If his artistic sensibilities are more important to him than your feelings about a real proposal versus a fake one… you should question whether you want him to propose one day or not.” rockology_adam
2. AITJ For Cutting Off Support For My Sister Who Lies About Her Daughter To Her Partner?
“My sister (25F) has a 4-year-old. The baby daddy is the run-of-the-mill deadbeat. He does not work, avoids court appearances, lives with his mother, and does not even have a state ID.
I have been supporting my sister for 3 years, she was staying with our mom but something happened to her and she now lives in a retirement community so she does not have the same amount of space.
My mom asked me to make sure my sister is okay; she is the baby. I get it, she was young and the father of her child played a good act. I do not blame her for that.
So, I cover childcare and rent for my sister.
I will spot her when she needs other stuff like school supplies, food, and clothes for my niece. She is a manager at Target.
When she has to work late, I will let my niece sleep over. I generally handle pick-ups because I get off at 5.
She generally handles drop-offs. I will take care of dinner and my sister will handle bath and bedtime.
My mom recently let the cat out of the bag that my sister is going to Europe from the 12th to the 17th. My sister told me she was going to FL for her HS friend’s wedding.
She asked if I would be willing to handle watching my niece. I said sure because she has been working late putting in long hours at work.
I pushed our mom and got the truth. She is seeing someone, has not told them she has a kid.
He thinks my niece is my child and she helps me out from time to time. He has met my mom, she seems to like him.
After I found out, I confronted my sister, she apologized. I told her I don’t care, she has until January.
She told me I was being cold and misogynistic. Since I told her if she wants to see people as a single mother, you have an obligation to be transparent with the people you are seeing that you have a child.
She said she can separate the two, and I told her no she could not.
She has a daughter, you cannot lie and say she is my kid so you can have fun and not scare people off.
She said that having a kid at 21 with another man who is not in the picture is a huge red flag. I told her so is lying about having a kid.
This does not work either way. I asked does she plan to pretend her daughter is mine forever? She said I am like a father to my niece anyway.
Am I the jerk here? I know this may get harder for my sister especially my niece without my support she cannot afford where she lives, she cannot afford daycare on Target’s pay.
My mom has told me I do what is best for my niece. She is afraid if she pushes my sister too much she will break down.
My mom is afraid what happened to our aunt’s daughter will happen to my sister.”
Another User Comments:
“”She said I am like a father to my niece anyway.” Not gonna lie, this response from your sister made my skin crawl and you are definitely NTJ for realizing that this family dynamic needs to end. More importantly, from the perspective of having been in your niece’s shoes many, many years ago, your sister is going to psychologically and emotionally damage your niece by treating her as a burden that needs to be hidden from her potential mates so that she doesn’t scare them away.
This is going to be a tough love situation that will require a lot of intestinal fortitude and tact on your part, but you have to find a way to cut your sister loose financially, while still being a loving and supportive uncle to your niece.” Due_Laugh_3852
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…even if it was not for this situation, you are doing way more than you should for your sister and she has been taking advantage. Your sister is a manager. You are covering her two biggest expenses, rent and childcare. Yet, you still help her with other things as well.
Since you are able to, I would cover childcare and anything, (if you want to), that is specifically for your niece. (Clothes, toys, snacks, etc). But it should not be expected of you. She plans a trip without even discussing it with you regarding her child.
You need to have a serious discussion with your sister. Does she ever plan to tell this guy about her child? Does she expect you to take your niece in and raise her? Because it sure sounds like it. You should also do less on the home front and make your sister more responsible for her child.
I was a single mother. Many are single mothers. It is nice to have help. But you are basically your niece’s parent and your sister is the babysitter.” Worth-Season3645
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but just what is your sister doing with her Target manager’s pay as you pay her rent and childcare and help with food and other expenses?
Also, stop infantilizing her, if my math is correct, she had a baby at 21. She was not a child, she was an adult, and she made the decision to carry a child to term and raise it even though she didn’t have the financial means to do so.
At no point does it appear that your sister has actually ever had to deal with the struggle of being a single mother with an hourly wage job because you have essentially been her co-parent AND financially subsidizing and life that she can’t afford. In these past 4 years, it does not appear that she has done any growing or planning for her and her daughter’s future.
And after all that you have done for her, she lies to your face about her holiday plans?! And where did she meet this guy anyway that he doesn’t know she has a child? I get that a woman has needs, but those needs don’t require traveling to Europe to be fulfilled. And where did the money for this European vacation come from?” Little_Loki918
1. AITJ For Telling My Siblings That Our Mom Wanted Her Belongings To Go To Her Blood-Related Grandchildren?
“I have 2 siblings. A brother and a stepsister (although my mom and her dad, who passed previously, were divorced, my mom was like a mother to her). My mom passed away last year after being in the hospital for months.
I was the one that was beside her every day and because I am the oldest and she was a widow I dealt with all the medical decisions etc. I was there holding her hand when she passed. She was my best friend and it has been very hard on me.
I haven’t dealt with the estate as I should. There was no will. There has been little to no effort by either of my siblings to help with things until now. They want to clean out her home but only on their time. My brother has a son who is not biologically his and my stepsister has children.
My mom told me specifically she wanted certain things to go to my children as they are technically her only blood-related grandchildren.
My brother was talking about selling some of the things and when I told him that she had said she wanted my children to have them as they were her blood-related grandchildren he got extremely offended and is now refusing to speak to me at all.
I have apologized many times to him but in all honesty, I was just telling him what was said to me. It is coming up on the holidays and the year anniversary of her passing. Am I the jerk for even saying anything?!”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Especially, your mom for not making a will. It’s a really crappy thing to do to your kids. You have to find out the legal path forward. In the US, the county where she lived at the time she died has jurisdiction.
Go to the probate or surrogates office ( may have other names). Get the info on inheritance when a person dies “intestate”. Typically the first step is to assign an executor. Before selling or distributing anything, all her outstanding bills must be paid. Each jurisdiction will have a timeline for how long you have to wait for debtors to make claims.” LAC_NOS
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk. Because you didn’t have to include that part, but you said it anyway. For whatever reason, whether it was justified or not, you had to have known it would hurt him. And if you’re not sure why you said it, then, maybe your question shouldn’t be whether you are the jerk for saying what you said, but rather, why you said it.
My dad passed earlier this year and if he’d said something like this to me (one of my siblings has adopted children), I would have absolutely taken it to the grave. But that’s because I love my siblings and their children. But he said no such thing.
My dad himself was an adoptee after being orphaned. And he adopted his stepchildren (my siblings) after their mother passed (their dad also passed). So in my family, we don’t care so much about the blood-related crap (except when it comes to health history). Because even though I am biologically both my parents’ child, I am no more special just because I carry their genes than my siblings, who share the values and lessons they taught us, and the love they gave us.” Mocinder
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here I guess. You’re in a tough spot. I do not think you should go to the mat to prioritize inheritance for the grandchildren who were related by blood. She didn’t leave a will and thus it will become the thing YOU are fighting for, rather than simply being able to point to something in writing and hold up your hands as an innocent party.
And, based on what you describe, your mom loved her children (and presumably her grandchildren) equally so it’s fairly questionable that on her deathbed she would decide to favor some of them (but – it happens, sadly). It’s weird to me, though, that your brother is upset about his nieces/nephews getting items instead of him being able to sell them.
I don’t personally feel that selling the possessions should take precedence or priority over them going to family members who would want them, and whom grandma wanted to have them. So when you said you wanted your kids to have them – or that grandma did – I don’t think he should have been upset.
From here I strongly suggest you err on the side of unity with your siblings. They are all grieving, and I don’t see what good it does to uphold a final wish – without the paperwork to demonstrate it – that only creates a wedge between the survivors and causes kids and grandkids to question how grandma really felt about them.” owls_and_cardinals
