People Are Fearless In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Being Upset That My Partner Doesn't Keep Our House Clean?
“I 25m work away during the week and my significant other 25f lives in the house we bought along with a lodger.
When I come home at the weekends the house is generally untidy and it really winds me up to come home and have to clean other people’s mess. The lodger is pretty tidy and I came back this weekend to a lovely clean kitchen and living area.
I thanked my significant other for keeping it nice and she said it was the lodger who cleaned up.
I find it quite embarrassing that the lodger keeps the house tidier than she does and no matter how much I ask she just gets irritable for me lecturing her.
She works hard during the week and sits and watches the TV before clearing away properly. I just encourage her to tidy up after herself and not leave wrappers everywhere and clothes all over the place but I just can’t get through to her as it’s always a dismissive “I’ll do it later” – a week later and it’s still the same.
Any tips?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You and your significant other have different preferences for cleaning and there is nothing inherently wrong with that. But you either need to find a compromise that you can both live with or break up because you can’t keep fighting the same battle over and over.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“As a person whose brain is against every chore I will assume she is like me and she needs a list of little steps. If I tell myself I need to tidy my room, my brain goes “oh, no, what? Now? No!” So I start breaking down the tasks, cleaning the room is: 1.
Pick up the things on the floor 2. Making the bed 3. Sweep 4. Mop. It looks like a lot, but my brain works better that way. Of course I’m not saying you have to give her the list of steps, but you might suggest she create one.
NTJ.” onlytexts
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – don’t listen to the people saying she will never change. You just need to make it clear how important this is for you going forward and if you see zero improvement over a few months, maybe reconsider the relationship if you don’t want to live in a messy house.” [deleted]
21. AITJ For Being Upset With My Sister For Ruining My Running Shoes?
“I (19f) got a $130 pair of running shoes for my birthday 3 years ago, which I obviously cherished. I loved them, they were comfy and fit me perfectly and never gave me aches and pains like my previous running shoes.
My sister (18f) has very wide feet that are easily 1-1.5 inches wider than mine.
Anyway, my sister had started working at a fast food restaurant and needed shoes that were black, which my running shoes were. I didn’t realize she wore them to work until I saw hot fudge and strawberry syrup smeared into the shoe, so I talked to my sister and she told me she wore them to work.
I told her that they were mine and that she needed to get her own shoes, and I thought that was the end of it.
Shortly after we talked I got a knee injury and had to rest because of it, and the next time I put my shoes on they were stretched out and covered in syrups and sauces.
I was beyond angry, so I confronted my sister and she said that she could fix them, but frankly, she couldn’t. After she gave them back I called her selfish and inconsiderate, and that she betrayed my trust and that she could forget asking me for anything for the foreseeable future.
I was in the car today with my dad and he told me I made her really upset and that I should just reconcile, but I don’t want to.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister was too cheap to buy her own shoes, so she used yours, and they didn’t even fit her?
She owes you new shoes. After 3 years, though, you need new shoes. If you are running in them regularly, you need to replace the shoes a couple of times a year because they wear out after a couple of hundred miles.” Algebralovr
Another User Comments:
“Give her the ruined shoes and she pays half for a new pair of trainers for you. She also needs to acknowledge that she took your property without asking, that she ruined your beloved shoes and that it was inappropriate and disrespectful behavior. Then she needs to agree (out loud) to not do it again.
(Make sure you avoid doing it too). Once she does that, move on. NTJ, because what you said to your sister isn’t wrong.” DrKittyLovah
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- they are your shoes! “Hey Dad; just wanna point out that first, she made me upset when I initially discovered she was borrowing them and causing damage.
Then, she made me even more upset when she refused to stop wearing them, and very upset when her disregard resulted in them being irreparably stretched out and coated with fast food goo. What about that?” Wait – is sister the ‘golden child’ of the family?
Either way, I’m definitely not suggesting OP go to sister’s greasy fast food workplace and take em right off her feet in the middle of her shift, but it’s a fun scenario to imagine…” ErixWorxMemes
20. AITJ For Demanding Immediate Payment From My Friend For IT Work?
“My (32M) close friend since the 11th grade started his own property management business this year in January. He initially started off with 3 buildings and 1 other building which was in the talks.
He “hired” me in January. I wrote hired in quotation marks because it was a brand spanking new company and my role was not defined precisely. I was basically the assistant property manager plus an IT technician who handled the company’s IT problems. He hired me under the pretense that the company was brand new, and he was not sure about how much he would be able to pay me yet.
I agreed, at the time I got a big payout from suing my former employer and winning. I wasn’t hungry for cash, so all of this fell on principle.
From January till March, he asked for several IT favors that he said he would “pay extra” for.
The phone call always began with “I’ll pay you for this.” It was my fault for not taking that down and putting it in writing, agreeing with what he is paying first before I began the job. I trusted him enough to pay it forward, except… he didn’t.
I set up computers at his office, cleaned and reconfigured older computers, set up the networking, I set up his tenant portal website, set up the tenant portal to accept online payments, I helped transfer files from his previous company to his new company.
Meanwhile, his daughter just turned 1, I bought his daughter a full custom cake, custom cupcakes, and custom (those really fancy sugar balls I forgot what they are called), for about 500$, on me.
He also threw a lavish first birthday party, he got his entire backyard redone with pavers, tiles. He paid for a hibachi chef to show up at the party and bought 2 new cars, life seemed good for him. But whenever it came to my money the answer was “it’s a new company bro I don’t know when these buildings will pay their fee” blah blah one excuse after another.
I confronted him in March about it and told him he’s not being fair and needs to pay up. He paid me 600$ for work from January till March, and then when I confronted him in March he “angrily” zelled me another 200$. 800$ is FAR less than what I would expect for working somewhere for 3 months, plus all the IT favors I did.
So obviously, I quit and I respectfully ended our friendship.
He contacted me last week about a printer job at one of his buildings. Learning from his previous mistakes I guess, he offered me market value right off the bat, 250$ to connect the printer. I told him I need payment right after the job, I am not doing invoices and checks with you.
He got upset, and told him that isn’t the correct procedure. I told him he is not credit-worthy and these are my policies. Pay me after the job, or no job. Simple.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And this is a no-brainer. He showed several times that he is not trustworthy and unreliable in paying you.
Guess he just needed free labour. Get the money before you do anything, write it all down in a contract. Or better, decline his requests.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So you accepted a job and he treated you like an intern. Nope. Hard stop.
Take him to small claims court in NYC. The max you can file for is $5000. Prepare your paperwork for the work done (emails, receipts of expenses, text messages) and an outline of your labor. Let him explain to a judge why he expected you to work for free.
You can file a complaint with the Bureau of Labor Law to recover money if you were not paid the correct wages. You can also contact the Bureau if you need general information on prevailing wage rates, living wages, and worker’s rights. Online Learn about prevailing wages.
Download a prevailing wage complaint form. By Phone Call 311 for assistance. You should also initiate a New York Department of Labor unpaid wages claim by filing the state’s six-page LS 223 form. The LS 223 form is available in English and other languages. Call the NY State Department of Labor office if you have questions about the form, or visit their website.
What he did is morally wrong and you should not let it slide. Fair is fair. He took advantage of you all while living his best life. He did it to you he will do it again. Actions have consequences. He deserves every consequence due him for his poor behavior.
Good Luck! PS Send me a message if you have any questions.” stinstin555
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would have him pay you in cash with a signed invoice or check with him putting an invoice number in the memo line that you can have anyone refer back to if he tries to dispute the check for whatever reason.
I honestly wouldn’t take electronic payment from him unless you have him also give you a signed invoice. This guy sounds shady and like the type of person who will try to keep every penny he comes across to himself.” Chelular07
19. AITJ For Asking My Cousins To Chip In For Gas Money?
“My cousin has a wedding coming up this next weekend, and it’s about a 6.5-hour round-trip drive.
A while back it was suggested by my aunt that 3 of my other cousins and I carpool.
I recently asked which of us would be driving, and they pretty much all simultaneously nominated me. Now, I truthfully don’t mind driving at all, but I live paycheck to paycheck currently, and with gas prices the way they are, I told them that if I was driving, I’d need them to chip in for gas.
They all essentially said, “no, I’m not chipping in. You can just drive us.” I at first read it as joking but eventually, realized they actually had no intention of chipping in. I kindly but firmly told them, “if you can’t chip in, then you won’t be riding with me.”
I explicitly expressed that I wasn’t upset and understood if they couldn’t chip in, but that it did mean we’d have to drive separately.
This caused them to be defensive, and say I was wrong, and that I should just suck it up and drive them, no reason for all of us to spend money.
I am now wondering if it’s unreasonable to ask them to chip in for gas money.
I don’t want to be the bad guy here or to come off as needy.
AITJ? Genuine ask here. Anything welcome.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. How are they gonna get there otherwise?
They’re gonna have to pay for it in some way. It’s not about you being cheap, it’s about them being cheap. They want you to do all the driving and provide all the money, without providing anything themselves. My house is already paid for, but I don’t let people sleep on the couch for free.
If you want to make use of my resources, then you are paying me. If not, then let me use all your resources for free.” twinkiehouse11
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. What’s going on here is that your aunt didn’t parent them so you’re having to.
Gas is expensive. If you were wealthy, it would be polite to invite them along. You’re living paycheck to paycheck and are not their parent though. This is a lesson I had to learn. I have never had a car and when I was younger, I figured people who did want to have cars invited me to ride with them because it didn’t cost them anything.
It wasn’t until a friend who was earning the same as me (very little) flat-out said that she had to pay not only gas but also insurance and maintenance costs and garage rental that I realized I was taking advantage. From then on, I have insisted on covering gas and also buying the driver at least a coffee or (now that I earn more) dinner.
You’re not the bad guy. Don’t feel guilty. If they complain about this to anyone outside the family, they’ll be set straight! If they bring it up again, say briefly, “I’m sorry, but I’m not wealthy and need them to chip in. They can choose to travel another way if they’d prefer.”” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your cousins are unbelievably selfish and arrogant to think like this. If you’re driving your car, you’re putting miles on your car which is depreciating it, and you’re opening yourself to expenditure e.g. if you got a flat tire or something.
You’re already being generous just asking them to contribute to gas money. What about food and water for the trip each way? I’d say to them you’re driving, and this is how much the gas contribution is, and unless you have it in advance nobody is getting in the car.
Alternatively, you would be entirely reasonable to say that the invitation is withdrawn because you are already tired of their nonsense.” wanderleywagon5678
18. AITJ For Refusing To Speak My Parents' Language Due To Traumatic Associations?
“I (18M) come from an immigrant family, and they mainly speak a foreign language that is not English. I won’t name the particular language for reasons that will be clear later on.
To give basic context, my parents had an arranged marriage, and to put it bluntly, they are textbook incompatible. They hold completely opposite values, and I mean completely opposite. I cannot remember one singular childhood holiday that did not begin and end with them arguing.
They have a hatred for each other that is so profound that I cannot articulate it into words. For my and my siblings’ sakes, they did not divorce (though they came really close more times than I can count, my first memory of which being when I was 7).
Deep down, part of me wishes they had divorced, for their own sakes. In any case, their arguments were always in said foreign language, and throughout the years I began subconsciously associating the language with hatred, hostility, and anger.
Any time I heard the language at school, I remember sometimes having mini anxiety episodes.
The memories of them shouting and screaming from the mornings before school would simply just mess me up for the day.
I moved out as soon as I graduated high school. I do not speak their language. I will not speak their language. I will not consider speaking their language.
And I will not teach my kids their language.
The almost 2 decades of trauma I’ve had with that language is enough for me. I understand the language itself is innocuous, and it is, but again it’s the associations I have with it that I hate.
I have not directly told my parents this, as I know they would be extremely angry with me. However, they’ve slowly caught onto my negligence of their language, even telling family that I’m a disappointment in that regard.
My mom’s calling me a major jerk for ignoring their cultural heritage.
My dad’s saying he’s always had a feeling I’d turn out this way and that he’s ashamed. In a small fit of suppressed anger, I told them I hate the language because of their arguing all my life, to which they simply would not believe is the reason.
I kindly told them I would pass, and I left coldly.
I’m extremely confident in my decision but I realize some might deem it too far, so I’m wondering, am I a jerk for doing this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ like I get your parents wanting you to not forget your heritage and therefore language but you have every right to decide whether to speak it or not.
And honestly, I feel like your reasons are pretty valid, the language is deeply linked to your trauma and I hope you can work through it someday, maybe you even change your mind and come to peace with the language but you do not have to, it’s okay.” ryuzakis_left_elbow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Preface: I do not come from a bilingual family or “mixed cultures” But when it comes to culture, it’s up to you where you fit and what you do. Some cultures may consider it disrespectful, but I find ignoring your mental health far more disrespectful.
Honestly, try talking to them and explaining why, at least then you can have that off your shoulders and it’s up to them to decide how to treat you. They may be mad because they don’t understand. Be careful not to blame them or their marriage, but say it reminds you of fighting that hurts you.
Generations are different, sometimes it’s hard for people to understand that.” EmbarrassedLemon33
Another User Comments:
“To be honest this is an inappropriate forum OP as I don’t see a cause for anyone to be a jerk. But I will say this – what if your family were native English speakers?
Would you have done the same then? I suspect not. I think this stems from a deeper hesitancy to fully embrace your heritage. And now you claim that you will deny your children the opportunity to be genuinely multilingual as you have denied yourself. Maybe grow a bit before thinking about kids OP.” RevolutionaryTale245
17. AITJ For Using A Throw Pillow To Sit On In My Partner's Presence?
“I (24 F) and my partner (25) invited my younger sister and brother (15 & 17) over to our house to play games, watch anime, and just chill like we do every weekend. Except tonight turned out immensely different. We recently got a new chair for our TV room that goes with our couch and because the chair is new, it isn’t comfortable at all really, so while watching TV the chair started to hurt my butt, my first initial thought was to move to the sectional where everyone else was sitting, but my sister was stretched out wrapped in her blanket and she looked super comfortable so I didn’t want to disturb her.
So I had the idea to get a throw pillow from our living room that literally NO ONE ever uses (most of our company reside in our TV room because it has the TV and game systems in there, the only person to ever sit in our living room is me and it’s to read.)
So I grabbed a throw pillow from the couch in the living room and sat on it and continued to watch the show. My partner saw the pillow and got upset, said that I was making it dirty and I didn’t want to make a scene in front of my siblings, so I just said “oh, sorry, I’ll put it back” but that wasn’t good enough.
He complained that it was already dirty and that I might as well keep sitting on it. I was upset and embarrassed that he was acting like this in front of my siblings. So to just not argue, I put the pillow back and just waited until my siblings went to bed.
Once my siblings were in their rooms, I asked him what the issue was with me grabbing the pillow and he said “I just don’t like when people sit on pillows like that, I think it’s gross” to which I replied “that’s fine, but you could have said so without making a scene in front of my siblings, that was uncalled for.” He gets upset and starts to say “I can never relax around you, there’s always an issue.” At this point, I am confused because I literally did nothing wrong…I asked him how is it that I am the bad guy in this when I didn’t do anything, I then continued to say that he’s acting like a victim in a situation that doesn’t have one and that he always does this and it’s very frustrating for me.
He then got upset when I told him that he was acting like a victim and ended up getting in his car and leaving. I don’t really understand how or why things escalated.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ve been with guys like this before, and my dad is like this too.
They notice everything & they’re bothered by everything, and no one can relax, everyone’s walking on eggshells because His Royal Highness Mr. Princess is micromanaging everyone in his mind, just looking for reasons to be upset. Sometimes it’s just a toxic personality trait (in my dad’s case I genuinely think he has control issues & anger issues, as well as OCPD or something similar, look it up, it’s pretty interesting & a lesser-known PD).
Other times, like with a guy you’re with, it could be they’re looking for an excuse to break up so they cause issues out of nowhere, hoping it’ll escalate to a full-blown fight and then a final “We’re done!” Bonus points if they can find a way to blame it on you so you end up the bad guy, then he can tell all his friends how YOU were the reason for the breakup haha.
If you aren’t very mature yet, with a very firm sense of self, this kind of behavior can really mess with your head and leave you confused for years trying to figure out what happened. Please drop this guy & find someone who a) actually likes you, and b) doesn’t micromanage your every move.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Does he have an anxiety problem, especially when it comes to germs? Seems like he is getting angry and lashing out for no reason, but I suspect there’s a dirt/germ issue at play, especially with his “I can’t relax around you” comment.
He’s holding you to unreasonable standards and he’s not even communicating those standards to you. There’s no reason why you can’t sit on the throw pillow if you’re clean enough to sit on the furniture. He’s being unreasonable and escalating things.
You are NTJ.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner was playing the victim. “He gets upset and starts to say “I can never relax around you, there’s always an issue.”” That is him trying to turn the tables and making himself the victim. He could have just said ‘in the future, I will make my preferences known beforehand.’ Also, his leaving instead of communicating.
Does he have anger issues? Whose name is on the lease, just wondering?” Fair_Text1410
16. AITJ For Bringing My Own Bowl To A Party Due To Hygiene Concerns?
“My coworker invited me to his NBA finals viewing party a few days ago. He kept hyping up his wife’s world-famous bean dip. The thing is that I don’t trust people washing their hands. The thought of people’s unwashed hands touching the dip, even if it’s just a half-second scrape, makes me sick to my stomach.
At parties, I bring my own bowl so I can put food in, especially dips before anyone gets their grubby hands on it. Nobody really cared. It’s a small bowl, around 5 ounces.
So I went towards the bean dip with my bowl and started spooning the dip onto my bowl.
My coworker saw me and was like, “Yoooo what the heck are you doing?” I explained the whole thing how people sometimes don’t wash their hands and their germs get on their food. He got very offended as if I was blaming him for not washing his hands.
I told him I trust you, it’s the other people. He got even madder saying everyone here washes their hands. But I don’t know them as much as he does. After a few minutes, he let it go and I was able to enjoy my bean dip.
I thought everything was cool. But today in the office, I found out he was bad-mouthing me through another coworker. Apparently, he was still mad. But I think what I did was reasonable.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for how you framed it.
Hosts usually also provide plates and bowls. No one thinks twice if someone takes a plate and scoops some dip. Was that not the case here? You didn’t mean to but you did accuse him and the people he invited into his home of being unhygienic.
It would have been okay to simply say “I feel more comfortable using my own plate.” Keep the focus on your needs and wants instead of framing them as a necessity due to the people you are with. I would also talk to your doctor about your need to bring your own bowl, especially if plates and bowls were offered. This isn’t inhibiting your life, but it does sound like something that could escalate into doing so.” EmpressJainaSolo
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. It’s a hard vote for me because what you are doing is extremely weird, yet not a jerk thing. BUT oh my god did you do a really bad job of navigating the situation. Instead of implying you distrust the hand hygiene of your hosts and his guests, try brushing it off with something else: “I know how I am, if I don’t set a limit for myself now I will be going back to the dip bowl all day” “I’m feeling lazy today, I’d rather not have to keep walking back” “If this dip is as good as you claim it is I want to make sure I get my fair share now.” Self-deprecating humor is ok, and compliments to distract are ok.
Implying the other guests are gross is not ok.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“You just bring a bowl for yourself??? And expect to grab a portion of all the food before everyone else “gets their grubby hands on it”? YTJ. Is it just the bowl or does this include other utensils as well?
What about hand sanitizer? Do you sanitize your hands between each bite or after touching your bowl? You’re not holding on to the bowl the whole time right? You must have set it down somewhere and picked it back up touching the dirty dirty bowl with your grubby hands.
What about the air? Surely they’re breathing in the same atmosphere as you? Do you bring your own oxygen supply or empty bags to collect air before everyone’s grubby lungs get to it? Why not just ask for separate utensils/bowls for everyone? Or better yet, bring separate utensils/bowls for everyone or at least ask for it to be provided.” LiqMuhBallz
15. AITJ For Refusing To Reschedule My Daughter's Birthday Party For My Nephew's?
“I (36f) am a single mother after my kids’, Miguel (14M) and Delilah (12F), father passed in 2019.
My nephew’s birthday is in July but my sister wants to celebrate in June so they decided that she wants to celebrate June 25th which is my daughter’s birthday. She will be turning 13 and is very excited about becoming a teen. My sister sent out the invitations today and I texted my sister asking her if she would change it because we already sent the invitations a week before with the exact date.
She told me no because my daughter was older and didn’t need the birthday. My daughter’s birthday is a surprise party she didn’t ask for but she deserves it because she is a good kid. I asked my sister again, she says no and decides to tell my daughter to reschedule her party.
Great so now my daughter knows.
My daughter tells my sister that she doesn’t have a party and my sister then spoils it for her. My daughter is happy that she is turning 13 and wants the party so she apologised and said no. My sister then tells my daughter if she wants to go swimming with her son for his birthday my daughter needs to shut her mouth and tell no one about her birthday because no one will care about her, only her son.
I clearly am not going to her son’s party and neither is my daughter. My mom is mad for choosing my kid over my sister’s but I’m sticking to my word. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But your sister is the biggest jerk for purposely using your daughter, her niece’s actual birth date for her son’s party- when that’s not his actual birth date.
She really lacks compassion and empathy. Your family just lost their father and he’s unfortunately not there for all your children’s milestones and be an active part in their lives. Take this as an opportunity to spend time with your kids and make your daughter feel special about HER day.
You only get to be 13 once. Make those memories special for her and your kids. Cherish the loved ones who are still around and are well-wishers for you all. Avoid horrible and selfish people like those who wish to berate and treat you guys like you’re not part of the family.
As though you’re less than people and should be walked all over like doormats.” saltysegall
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As you’ve already sent out invites a week before your sister announced the day she would be celebrating her son’s birthday, I’m assuming she knew that you were planning on celebrating your daughter’s birthday on that day and deliberately planned her son’s birthday on that day as well.
That behavior is incredibly selfish and there is no way you should have to enable that kind of behavior and just throw all your plans out of the window. Your daughter’s birthday is in no way less important just because she’s “older”. Also a bit weird to me how your mom is mad at you for choosing your daughter over your sister’s kid.
Of course you do, she’s YOUR kid. Good on you for sticking up for your daughter OP, I hope you guys have a great birthday celebration.” pancakebunny15
Another User Comments:
“OP you’re DEFINITELY NTJ. Your sister is a major one though. Wtf? Does she not think that 13 is a significant number?
She’ll be singing a whole new tune when it’s her own son. The entitlement of some people these days is astounding. I feel like she knew what she was doing when she scheduled it earlier. I hope her left sock is always wet. Please limit contact with your sister and make sure your daughter stays tf away from her.
She’s a horrible woman from the sound of her and I hope her son knows what she tried to do one day. Also, limit contact with your mother because she sounds just as awful for enabling your sister’s behavior. I feel sorry for your poor daughter.
She sounds like a good kid.” dont_eat_my_ramen
14. AITJ For Banning My Niece From The Pool After A Drowning Prank?
“I’m babysitting my nieces for the next two days. They love getting in the pool but they are not strong swimmers as they just learned how last summer. Before they got in I went over the rules, no running, no fighting and only ask for help if you really need it.
I should note they are 8 and 11 so they are capable of understanding.
About 30 minutes go by and the 8-year-old starts screaming for help, it appears she is drowning, I freak out and jump in to get her. Once I get to her she starts laughing!
She was faking! I got upset and told her she can get out of the pool and she is not allowed back in for the rest of the day since she can’t seem to follow the rules. Her laughter quickly turns to tears.
My niece is extremely sensitive and hates getting in trouble but it doesn’t happen often.
She hasn’t stopped crying and it’s been about 30 minutes. She keeps asking to get back in and saying it isn’t fair. I explained I gave you rules and you didn’t but follow them. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Without delving too much into slippery slope fallacies, there are a lot more risks to a prank like this.
One example would be you having to call the hospital (this is a stretch, however). Another is that it makes room for a “boy who cried wolf” scenario, where you don’t know if she’s in serious danger, or whether she’s doing it as a joke.
The rules are the rules. As long as they’re reasonable, they should be followed. NTJ.” throwawaitay07
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Seems like a perfectly appropriate punishment, don’t back down, then she’ll learn that crying can get her what she wants. I would recommend a distraction to take her mind off it, go for a walk or a similar activity, when coming back and wants to go in the pool you can remind her about earlier, this tells her that she can still do stuff, but the punishment stands” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I grew up around water. I have very strict rules about it too. I would be furious and would absolutely enforce the rule, but maybe not for the full day. Perhaps if she can explain the rules back to you and you have a conversation about why they are important, then after lunch she can go back in?
A whole day sounds like a bit much for an 8-year-old. She sounds like she’s not used to getting punishment though – 30 minutes of crying is pretty impressive!” TheRealEleanor
13. AITJ For Refusing To Share My Coffee Recipe With My Ex-Wife?
“My ex and I were together for years, then got married. She was very sweet, a little shy, and I was madly in love with her.
Then, she joined the Navy, and her personality began to change. As the years went on, we moved around the country, and eventually overseas, for her job. I completely abandoned my own career dreams, so she could chase her own. But nothing I ever did was good enough for her, and she berated me for it.
This pertained to many aspects of our marriage. Driving? She’d yell at me for driving too cautiously, then a day later yell at me for driving too recklessly, despite any change on my part. It got to the point where I couldn’t drive with her anymore, due to anxiety attacks.
Cleaning the house? The smell of chemicals annoyed her, so I’d open the windows, and then get yelled at for letting the cold air out. Laundry? I folded clothes and put them away wrong. Etc.
She never hit me, and I never considered how she treated me as abuse until I saw a therapist much later.
I blamed myself, and it drove me to severe depression. Then she’d become the sweetest person ever, for about a week. Surprise gifts, take over some chores, many compliments, etc for a few days. Then it’d go right back. Anytime I was at my lowest, she’d give me a glimpse of a better future.
So I never left.
My ex didn’t want me to work while she was in the military, so I handled everything around the house, and she’d have something bad to say about anything I did. Everything, that is, except for her morning coffee. I always made her breakfast and coffee before she left for work, and over time I had concocted a perfect coffee creamer recipe for her.
She loved it. And I loved that I had finally found a way to live up to her expectations.
She loved it so much that she asked me to make it for her the moments before she decided to tell me that she was having an affair with a coworker and that she was pregnant.
Guess she wanted one last mug before dropping me like a used tissue.
I was numb. I moved back to the US. I didn’t contest anything in the divorce out of sheer depression, except that I demanded I keep my dog. I didn’t try to get her fired by revealing their affair to the Navy.
I had DNA results, so they wouldn’t be able to deny the affair had happened.
The only reason I didn’t report them was because of the pregnancy. I couldn’t bring myself to force an innocent baby to be born into a world where both of her parents were unemployed. I took the high road for the child.
We hadn’t spoken since the divorce, until yesterday morning, when she messaged me out of the blue telling me that she had missed the coffee I used to make her, and she very politely asked if I could send her the recipe for the coffee and creamer.
I told her absolutely not; then I blocked her. Her sister reached out to me asking for me to be a man and send her the recipe. I talked to some friends. Some told me she didn’t deserve it. A couple of them said I was being petty.
So, I ask you all. AITJ for not sending her the recipe?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is one of those play stupid games, win stupid prizes situations. My aunt’s husband stepped out on her and tried to ask for copies of this edited cookbook of recipes perfected by my grandma, mom, and aunts in their divorce like it was community property.
It’s from the church, so it’s not some secret book of spells handed down only to our family, but there are some things that were enhanced/improved. She ordered him his own copy (the church ladies have an archive) and he was big mad that she didn’t copy over the notes and substitutions.
Sorry man, hopefully, your side chick can help you out.” wildferalfun
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – and to those saying so, is it petty? Sure. But nowhere near as bad as my wife getting pregnant by a co-worker. I could have gotten her fired and ended her career.
But I took the high road. In any case, this is my recipe and every morning for the rest of her life when she can’t have it, she can remember how she messed up.” chuckinhoutex
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And you’re a better person than me.
If I was married to someone in the military, and they decided to reveal to me moments after me making them something they love that they were not only having an affair BUT ALSO pregnant? I’d 100% report them. Your ex sucks. Keep the recipe.” finisterrebm
12. AITJ For Not Learning Sign Language To Communicate With My Son's Deaf Partner?
“My son Rashad (16M) has been seeing this boy Danny (15M) for a few months now. Danny is deaf and Rashad went out of his way to learn sign language to ask him out which I thought was really sweet.
Over the last few weeks, Rashad has been trying to get me to learn sign language so that I can communicate better with Danny. The thing is Rashad is at his mama’s 4 days out of the week so I honestly don’t see as much of Danny and he’s able to read lips so as long as he’s looking at me he can see what I’m saying or Rashad can translate for me/us so I don’t really see the point of learning a whole different language to talk to my son’s friend.
Rashad and I were talking about it today and he accused me of being insensitive to Danny and that he just wanted me to know enough to be able to talk to Danny. I told him I communicate with Danny just fine and he gets mad and tells me forcing Danny to read my lips and adjust to me to communicate is unfair to him.
I tell him I just don’t have the time for it and he just gets more mad and hasn’t talked to me for the rest of the day. My ex says I’m being a jerk about this and being a jerk to Danny by not even trying.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am deaf myself and wouldn’t like it if my husband made someone learn ASL just for them. I would have preferred them to want to learn ASL for themselves. Having said all that, I have communicated just fine with my in-laws.
We use notepads, pens, and text. A few know the alphabet. We all love each other regardless of what language we use. However, I usually appreciate it when they learn a few basic signs, but I’m not going to be mad if they never become fluent in ASL.
So, as a deaf person, I would think learning a few basic signs would be nice for Danny, especially the alphabet. If he ever gets tired of lip reading (it is a lot of brainwork to lipread and understand at the same time), you guys can always use a notepad and pens.” AlternativeAlias42
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, because it sounds like you’re making Danny do all the work. Lip reading is hard, and learning a bit of ASL is an easy way to show your son that you’re willing to make someone special to him welcome. Instead, you’re alienating the guy.
It is insensitive, and “I don’t have time” is nonsense – you don’t care enough. Even if it’s a sign or two a day, it’s *something*. In fact, it’s a ton more than you’re already doing. I’ve learned my fair share of languages, and they’re not easy.
Learning a language because someone special to you has asked you to learn it is an act of love. Treat this as showing your son that you care and love him, because he’ll still be here even if the friend isn’t part of his future.
This matters to him now, so step up and at least put in some basic effort. No one is asking for fluency, they’re asking for proof you care.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am so baffled by all the YTJ on this post. Is the dad calling you a jerk also learning the language?
Or does he just expect you to? On top of that – would you even have the time??? Depending on your work schedule or how physically or mentally exhausting it is, you likely already have enough on your plate without adding this on top. Not to mention, I think a lot of people have oversimplified how easy it is to learn a language.
I took Spanish for 3 years (got all As), took Japanese for two years, and attempted to learn Yoruba (my family’s native language) for several years on and off. I know NOTHING. I can count to ten in Spanish, understand maybe a handful of words that get used in Anime culture a lot, and sing Heads Shoulder Knees and Toes in Yoruba (because my niece listens to it A LOT).
Learning and KEEPING a language takes a LOT of effort. Would it be sweet? Sure. But if you don’t have the time and energy for it, especially if it’s not actively applicable to your job or life, then learning it for your son’s high school relationship seems like… a hassle.
Everything feels big and necessary and important for kids at that age. That doesn’t mean that it actually is.” Ryuugan80
11. AITJ For Being Upset My Mom Invites People To My House Without Asking?
“I live in a lake house in the midwest and my mom is down in AZ. My brother and stepbrother and stepsister are all scattered around the country and it’s rare we all get together. It’s a modest 4 bedroom, but we have a teenager and a 4-year-old.
So there is room for guests, but to get the entire family together under a single roof is a lot of people. There is a small cottage for rent on the lake, but it’s small. So when my mom sent an email list with 12 recipients on it (not including kids) inviting everyone over to our house for a summer weekend, we were concerned. But afterward, we had a talk about asking us before inviting yourself and others to our place unannounced. Especially the size of the invite as it’s hard to entertain so many.
We prefer to keep it smaller anyway. And I had hoped it was understood.
This year, however, I invited my brother’s family of 4 and my mom and stepdad for a weekend. Which is already a lot. I was upset to find out that she invited others behind my back again this year.
But this time, she didn’t even include me on the invite. So I had to find out from my sister (who thought I knew about it). This continues to happen and she doesn’t respect what we ask. It’s not her house to invite and it’s disrespectful.
On the other hand, I love having everyone out and don’t want to cancel or make my siblings feel bad. Because then I’ll be the bad guy. But it’s just not cool the manipulation and deceit. Multiple years in a row we have hosted my parents in their RV in the driveway for a solid month.
I feel like we are being as hospitable as possible. Did I mention we just flew down there for spring break? It’s just getting a bit…..MUCH.”
Another User Comments:
“Why is your family accepting an invitation to your house that did not come from you?
Send out an email that (politely) says “As much as we love having visitors, the size of the house limits what is comfortable. In the past invitations have been extended without our knowledge. If another is received please check with US before accepting and making plans”.
My sister lives at the beach and I can’t fathom accepting an invitation unless it came from her or my BiL” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No more hosting and that includes your parents for a month too. I’d firmly and calmly be letting your mother know that she has absolutely no right to invite people to come and stay at your home without having the decency to ask you first and that it’s completely disrespectful and unacceptable and will not be happening and she needs to get hold of those that she invited and inform them that she messed up and needs to organize alternative accommodation arrangements for them because they will not be staying in your home as you only have 1 guest room and no your kids will not be sharing a room nor will they be getting kicked out to accommodate uninvited people.
I’d also be letting everyone know asap in a message so your CYA that due to having people invited to stay at your home without asking you effective immediately, unless you’re invited by me, via a message or call and I put it in my calendar then sorry I won’t be willing or able to accommodate you because without prior knowledge then it becomes a problem for you.” G8RTOAD
Another User Comments:
“Your mother is rude. NTJ. There’s still plenty of time to cancel on the weekend mom has invited everyone to come. Tell her that something has come up and that you can’t have anyone that weekend as you will be out of town, and will reschedule when you can.
Tell your brother the same thing. Mother will have to cancel her own guests. (And no, people won’t be allowed there in your absence.) You will have to confront your mother about this again when you reschedule her, and tell her that if she invites other people you will cancel again.
Then reschedule the various members of your family for other weekends, keeping the numbers to something that you can manage.” Swedishpunsch
10. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Breast Milk To My Sister For Soap?
“I (F 31) have a 6-month-old baby (my second kid). We had quite a bit of trouble nursing this time around so I am exclusively pumping milk for this kid – 20 minutes four times every day.
Side note: pumping totally sucks (no pun intended). I feel like a cow and have been experiencing “nursing aversion” (BAA) which basically means I get a surge of negative hormones every time I start lactating and I get super angry.
My older sister had a lot of trouble conceiving but is finally 6 months pregnant with a baby girl.
She is busy prepping for the pregnancy she’s been dreaming about for YEARS. About a week ago she asked me for some of my breast milk to make SOAP for her unborn baby. She read something about caring for sensitive newborn skin and is worried her daughter will inherit her own skin issues (nothing medical, just very sensitive).
She wants 12 oz of milk. For those who don’t know, that’s so much breast milk. Like, 2 entire meals for my son and takes 2 entire pumping sessions to produce.
Because I hate confrontation, I waited a few days to tell her no, I would not give her any milk.
I need it to feed my kid. She is now furious with me and complaining to our mom and other sister how I’m being selfish and unsupportive in her miracle pregnancy. So, AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! I breastfed my first and pumped for my second and third (long stories on both).
I also had that letdown surge of hormones that resulted in aversion, nausea, and extreme sadness. Also thirst. It helped if I chugged water while my letdown was triggered. I say let a lady find out how every drop of breast milk is literally fought for.
Literal blood sweat and tears.” Live_Background_6239
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister clearly doesn’t understand how breastfeeding and milk supply works – which isn’t unusual, neither did I until I breastfed. You can’t just magically produce 12oz extra because she wants it. For others – supply (how much milk you make) adjusts to match the demands of your baby, which OP has trained it to do over time by pumping the amount she pumps.
It’s not an issue of not being willing to sit down and do a couple of extra pump sessions. Building up that much extra supply would take serious time and pumping work, unless she’s suggesting OP actually take food away from her baby for it (and that’s a clear hard no).
While there are some women who have a natural oversupply and can quite easily pump extra, this isn’t the case for the vast majority of us.” geesejugglingchamp
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!!! I’m an exclusive pumper as well for my 9-month-old. I’m lucky enough to have an oversupply but I would still laugh in the face of ANYONE who thought I would just GIVE them 12 oz of milk to just basically play with.
I mean if you have some old (as in expired but not actually bad) milk laying around that’d be one thing, but she must be out of her mind to expect 12 fresh oz for frigging soap. She can either buy some soap pre-made on Etsy, buy some milk from a milkbank, or just use regular baby soap which is already designed to be OK for sensitive newborn skin.” Onikisuen
9. AITJ For Not Wanting My Cousin's Proposal To Happen On My Birthday?
“I F(16) and my cousin F(29) are close. I enjoy her company and love her partner M(31). They are so happy together and I am honestly so happy for them. I love my cousin and I know that she’s been waiting for this for a long time.
My mom didn’t even tell me that he was gonna propose until now. The only thing I was told is that my celebration would be moved to another family member’s house. Then I was told the plan. The partner wants to propose with the whole family there and my birthday is the perfect time to do that.
They wanted to plan it for another day but couldn’t since some people were busy.
My not wanting this to happen has nothing to do with wanting it to be about me. I really want them to get engaged and I don’t love attention that much.
I just want this to be special for her. Doing it this way just makes the proposal seem like an afterthought in my eyes. I want her to be super happy on her special day. I don’t want it to be clustered in with my birthday.
It should be a day of significance for them. Knowing everyone in my family they’ll be mad. None of them see this as weird. I just want it to be special for her. WIBTJ if I said no?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m glad the attention stuff won’t be an issue for you.
But that aside, it is wildly tacky and rude to move someone else’s birthday party and then pre-plan to take the focus off of them. I’m surprised he’s even considering this. But since it sounds like you’re tight with him, just let him know that you’re concerned because you know that’s not the kind of special moment she’d want for her proposal.” suedesparklenope
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you do not propose to people or make announcements at other people’s events. However, it seems he needs like a disguise to get the family together to propose to her in front of the family. Suggest to your mom that you plan 2 birthday parties for you.
One for your actual party. And one where this can happen. That way it can switch from your birthday to something for her. And neither one of you is taking away from the other. Or suggest they do a family BBQ or something and propose there.
And no matter what day they choose there is a chance people will be busy and can’t make it. It is just the reality.” glittersparklythings
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They along with your mother are being very discourteous making plans about your 16th birthday party without discussing it with you.
Plus there is quite a wide age gap between you and them so it seems like having 2 separate age-appropriate parties is a better solution. Seems like they would want to have their own age friends at the party rather than crashing your party. You and your friends are not old enough to drink & maybe there won’t be any booze there.
But if there is, mixing teenagers with people in their late 20s for a party seems like a bad idea for a lot of reasons.” Gladtobealive2020
8. AITJ For Leaving My Lunch Trash Behind For The Janitors To Clean Up?
“I was out eating lunch near the football fields, in the stands with some of my friends and the bell rang. My next class was all the way across campus near the basketball courts (at least half a mile or so).
As a side note, there aren’t any trash cans near the bleachers where we were. It would have been at least 100 feet away near the shower/bathroom area that the footballers use to clean off if I wanted to throw my stuff away. So instead, I just left it there and told my friends I’d catch them later.
One of my friends, we’ll call her Lara, told me that it was rude for me to leave my trash behind like that. “The janitors have it hard enough as it is,” she said. I told her it would be fine, they are trained to clean and it’s their job, and if people like me weren’t around “they wouldn’t even have a job in the first place.”
Lara really didn’t like that and she stormed off, even after I started calling after her. I’m starting to think maybe I should’ve dealt with it myself but in reality, there really wasn’t any time to do so and I didn’t want to be late to my next class as it would have an effect on my grade in that class.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You also come across as spoiled and entitled. 100ft isn’t too far for you to do it. Regardless, if you know how far away it is to throw away your rubbish then you need to factor that into the time you start heading to class.
Also, they would still have a job if you pick up after yourself. They would still be needed for general cleaning and maintenance so you are not doing them a favor by making their lives more difficult.” 31anon5
Another User Comments:
“YTJ!!!!!! Your justifications are trash!
(pun intended) If a trash receptacle was far away, you should have left with time to put it there. If there are no trash containers where you ate, perhaps you should have eaten in a different place. “It’s their job” is ridiculous. It’s not their job to clean up after entitled brats like you who are perfectly capable of being a responsible part of society.
Lara is right! Good for her!” Ducky818
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. How old are you? You clearly don’t know how to respect janitors. “It’s their job, if people like me weren’t around, they wouldn’t even have a job,” that says a lot about you. Read what you said again and think if that was normal and justified or if that’s rude and have no sympathy toward the janitors.
And imagine, if everyone had that mindset as you have, imagine how much trash and messes he has to clean after? The exhaustion. Child, grow up and clean after yourself, if the trash is 100 feet away for all I care, and you have your next class, raise your hand, grab your mess, walk toward your next class while holding that mess, enter the class, look around for the trash can, walk toward it, and throw the mess inside the trash can and walk away and toward your seat and bravo!
Easy. Or if you don’t have any classes left, raise your hand, grab your mess, move your feet, and walk 100 feet to said trash can, get close to it, and throw it inside the trash can, bravo! Show some respect toward janitors, you may think it’s easy but believe me walking 100 feet toward the trash can to throw your mess, or grabbing that mess and holding it till you reach the class and throw it to the class trash can is much easier than what a janitor is going through.” SnowAmethyst32
7. AITJ For Not Wanting To Return To My Dad's House After My Stepmom's Mean Comments?
“My mom and dad are divorced. My (15F) brother (9) and I stay a week at one house and a week at the other.
My stepmom recently gave birth to a baby girl. We were all very happy and it brought us closer together. Unfortunately, the hormones, stress, and her depression have made her act a bit mean towards me recently. I am not lazy but struggle to do some things as soon as I am told to do them.
That irritates my stepmom.
So one evening she said some mean things to me. She said that I caused her too much stress and that I was the reason she and my dad were having arguments. Hearing her say that really hurt me. I didn’t talk to her after that.
When I told my dad about it, he said that technically she wasn’t wrong. He kept on defending her and said that I should try to be more helpful. I already do a lot. I got really mad at my dad and called my mom.
I told her that I didn’t want to come back here again and that I was done being hurt by them.
When my stepmom found out I was going to ditch them she put on her waterworks and tried to change my mind. She even apologized and guilt-tripped me.
I felt bad for her but I knew I had to do it. Other people say I should just talk to them and that it’s mean of me to say things like that. At the end of the day, they are still my family.
But I don’t think I can tolerate all this hate and yelling any longer. I am done excusing their behavior because that’s exactly what I had been doing any other time they were mean to me. So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Verbally and emotionally mistreating you is not appropriate. I have given birth and that is NO excuse to abuse someone else. As for help, your father should be stepping up, then. What is your father’s problem???!!! That is cruel. You are not the problem.
Their inability to take responsibility for their own stuff is the actual problem. A lot of narcissistic people tend to blame other people for their own problems. Disgusting behavior from a couple of adults.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all, but depending on where you are and the legal plans that are in place, you may have to fight to not have to go.
I know that it isn’t fair, but depending on the court system where you are, a child’s choice isn’t always a high priority in the decision-making. I’m definitely not arguing for you to have to be somewhere you aren’t comfortable.
I just want to make you aware that it may not be as simple as you think. I could be wrong. Either way, I hope you are able to work things out so that you are in a positive environment.” Awkward-Wheel2833
Another User Comments:
“Why do you struggle to do things when told to do them?
If you’re not lazy, just get up and help out when you’re asked, not an hour later! It’s very irritating to constantly wonder whether someone is going to do as asked: that’s why your SM is getting stressed by you. Your SM has just had a baby – stressful in itself – but is also dealing with post-partum depression.
And you’re making her life more difficult. But your dad is a jerk for saying that their fights are your fault. They’re responsible for their own relationship! The mature thing to do is to stop the power-plays, help out when asked, and learn to communicate with your family when they’re being mean, not storm out.
That just kills relationships. Everyone’s a jerk here.” bethanymonday72
6. AITJ For Helping Another Customer During A Difficult Transaction?
“I am a teenager working a minimum wage job at a retail store.
Today, a lady was buying a large item that she had in a cart, and the barcode was hard to get to. First I tried giving her the scanner, and she tried scanning the code, at which she failed. Then I got her to read me out the number, but it didn’t go through so I realized it was possibly the wrong barcode, so I would have to go around the till to find the correct barcode.
I noticed a man standing behind her holding a bill and a gift card and realized he just needed to buy a gift card so he could use it in the print section of the store. Knowing that would be a quick transaction I could start while getting the correct barcode, I asked the woman if I could help him quickly.
She said “I guess” rather grumpily, and I quickly got his transaction going while running around to get her barcode.
After I helped the man (which took 1-2 minutes) and got her transaction going, she said “He should have just waited his turn. I’m upset because this is just so typical. Indigenous people constantly get pushed to the side.” I was surprised and told her honestly that I did not know she was Indigenous (to which she responded “that’s what they all say”) and that I would have done the same with any customer.
I also tried to explain that I knew his transaction would be quick, and that I was trying to help multiple people at once, and she just goes “I don’t want to hear it.”
I apologized multiple times and she left. I felt pretty awful for the rest of the day over it.
I genuinely was not being racist in my actions, but I do see why I should have just finished her transaction before helping the next person in line, so that could make me a jerk. I don’t know. Not that it should really matter, but also worth noting that both I and the man behind her in line are POC, so it’s not like I skipped a POC completely to help a white person (which I would also never do).”
Another User Comments:
“I’m confused how searching for a barcode on a single item took longer than making them step to the side and helping someone else through a whole transaction. The lady was incorrect in how she spoke about the situation, but honestly, she was there first and should’ve been helped first. The gentleman would’ve understood.
And honestly, I can’t imagine he didn’t expect to wait when he was in line behind someone. Everyone sucks here.” Agreeable-Tale9729
Another User Comments:
“There are good arguments for all of the votes. I’m going to go with no jerks here, with the following reasons:
1. The dude you helped in the middle of the woman’s transaction – he might have thought the problems you had scanning the case would take longer to resolve than they actually did.
2. The woman playing “the racist card”, while yes she did, as an Indigenous person myself (Australia), casual racism shows up everywhere and so often that when actual racism is apparent it’s not even a surprise.
So when little things like this happen, it’s easy to assume it’s more casual racism. She may have had a similar experience that day, or at the same store at some point in the past. She assumed something not true about you, you apologized, so don’t let it mess with you.
3. It sounds like you (metaphorically) tripped over yourself trying to be quick and efficient for both customers. That’s a nice idea, but next time just focus on the transaction in front of you. People expect to wait in a queue at a store, and small delays like this only irritate a very small number of people.
If someone looks like they’re going to give you hassle, never say “sorry for the wait”, say “thanks for your patience”. It changes it from a negative – you telling them you did something wrong (no, if you’re doing your job and not deliberately messing up, you haven’t done anything wrong) to a positive – you telling them they did something right (by them simply waiting in line).” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Yes, you’re the jerk. I understand you wanting to help the quicker transaction first but unless offered by the first in line it’s rude. Everyone waits in line, I mean it’s what they’re there for. It shouldn’t have taken that long to scan a barcode either.
There will always be a person in the line with 100 items and one with 5 items behind it. It’s not up to the store to help those people first. As the one with 100 items will be overtaken every time. If that happens a lot the store could make a fast lane (I.e. no carts/max 15 items) or service desk to do small items and gift cards.
Or make bar codes better available to scan. Also, I’m confused as to why someone would need to buy a giftcode only to go back in the store to do shopping?” Educational-Grade931
5. AITJ For Wanting My Sister To Pay Back The Extra Trust Fund Money?
“About two years ago my mother passed away. When she passed, she left a trust fund for me and my four siblings. We are each supposed to be receiving 20,000 per year. It is all put on one account and then supposed to be split up and my grandma is supposed to handle it.
Her favorite grandchild has always been my oldest sister for many reasons but I didn’t expect this to go this far. My sister was raised by my grandmother and didn’t live with us for most of our lives so she was the least close with my mom.
Within the first year of the trust fund, we find out she is getting 50% while my other siblings and I are splitting the other 50%. She also spent 35,000 extra on other things including paying for her apartment in upper East Side Manhattan and going to stunt school in Atlanta while still paying for the apartment in NYC.
She also has gone on many shopping sprees and out to dinner with the money from the trust that isn’t rightfully hers.
It is her fault and my grandma’s but am I wrong for expecting her to pay it back? I’m not sure how I should go about this and if I should ask for the money back.”
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ. If your grandmother is the trustee of the trust fund and she is not following the trust agreement, then you need to see a lawyer and get her removed immediately. I am not a lawyer, so I don’t know if you would have a case against your sister for any funds she got that she shouldn’t have.
If your grandmother authorized the payments I don’t know if your sister can be held responsible, which is another reason to see a lawyer. I would say see a lawyer before saying anything to your sister. If she knows you are trying to recover any overpayments she may have time to cover them up and or to siphon off more money before the courts can lock the accounts and appoint a new trustee.” mm1palmer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and you may want to ask on /r/legaladvice. Grandmother has a “fiduciary duty” to the beneficiaries of the trust, and that duty includes NOT throwing away all the money on one single beneficiary for shopping and travel. You can sue her/them for this behavior, and should.
Also, insist that grandma gets removed as trustee and that whatever remains be divided NOW (among the other three of you who have been stolen from), in addition to being paid back what was stolen and wasted.” dontblamemeivotedfor
Another User Comments:
“Your sister’s liability is going to be determined after they investigate grandma.
First, they’ll have to determine Grandma’s actual fiduciary duties and what you’re actually entitled to. Despite what was said to you, she might be within her rights based on the paperwork. Next, let’s say your sister’s gains are ill-gotten. They would have to prove that the money she was receiving was stolen and that she knowingly received stolen goods.
That’s going to have to come as a result of a criminal conviction of your grandmother, most likely. You need a probate lawyer first. They’ll be able to get paperwork and determine your entitlement and her responsibility, and go from there. Please keep in mind that a “trust” could have just been a savings account that her name was on.
Until you confirm a trust was established, you can’t go anywhere. Many people believe they set their loved ones up properly only to leave a mess of paperwork behind. No jerks here.” Weak-East4370
4. AITJ For Not Returning A $100 Gift Given At My Daughter's No-Gift Birthday Party?
“It was my seven-year-old’s birthday party; the invite said “no gifts” but a few people brought wrapped presents. When the last parents (Joe & Sue) arrived my daughter asked if they brought a gift. Sue saw the other gifts and looked clearly embarrassed for not having brought one, and said she thought the invite said “no gifts.”
We were standing in front of the other parents who had just given their gifts so I didn’t make a big deal about it, and I said something like “No, no, you’re right we didn’t ask for anything; she’s spoiled enough as is haha….”
Unbeknownst to me, Sue quickly made a card and added it to the gift pile. After the cake, Joe and Sue’s son ran up in front of everyone and asked my daughter to open the card (we had not planned on opening gifts at the party); my daughter pulled out a $100 bill and everyone gasped, basically, and of course my daughter was elated (followed by my daughter opening the other very small, inexpensive presents).
Joe seemed upset and withdrawn for the rest of the party, and Sue acted like this was a completely normal gift. My partner had none of this context, and so later when I told my partner how this all transpired they were upset. We may have done the wrong thing by not returning the gift because Joe and Sue clearly felt guilted into it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. This is mostly a learning opportunity for your daughter. She created an awkward moment by asking if they brought a gift. But she’s only 7, so it was a natural question. Take the opportunity to teach your daughter why that question is rude, and explain why she needs to get permission in the future before opening gifts in front of everyone.
Tell her she didn’t do anything wrong, but that gift-giving and gift-receiving can be complicated in the adult world. You put “no gifts” on the invitation. But of course some people brought gifts anyway, and it would be rude to simply tell them, “Nope, we’re not accepting gifts.” You should have put all the gifts in a different room immediately as they were received so that they weren’t creating awkward moments as other parents arrived without gifts.
And you absolutely should not have allowed your daughter to open gifts in front of everyone.
When Joe and Sue’s son asked her to open the card, you should have cut that off immediately and said, “Not right now. We’ll open gifts later after everyone leaves.” You should return the $100.
There are 2 ways to do that, depending on your parenting style and goals. 1) Without letting your daughter know and letting her keep the original $100 bill, give a different $100 back to Sue and Joe, thank them for such a generous gift, but that you asked for no gifts and apologize for the awkward moment when they arrived when your daughter asked if they brought a gift and creating a sense of obligation.
Tell them you’re letting your daughter keep the $100 bill since she was so excited about it. 2) Explain to your daughter that it was an extremely nice gift, but that it was an inappropriately large amount, and that nobody was supposed to bring gifts anyway, so it needs to go back to Joe and Sue.” gordonf23
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. And I have to be honest, you’re the type of parents that I avoid. You said no gifts, you accepted gifts, your child was entitled enough to ask people where the gift was, you saw that one of the couple was visibly dismayed by the $100.
In your shoes, I would have seen a $100 bill that Sue produced on the spot and assumed that money was meant for something else in their budget and was a guilt offering because they followed your rules and were then embarrassed by your child in front of everyone at that party.
I absolutely would have given them back the money and apologized for my child’s lack of manners.” Open-Incident-3601
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I really think that most parents who put “no gifts” on an invite don’t truly mean it, they’re only doing it if parents of other kids in the friend group are doing it.
You should have put the gifts in another room. Also, suggestions for going forward – if you truly mean no gifts, I would say “no gifts please, but if you want to honor (kid’s) birthday, a small donation to (charity of kid’s choice) would be appreciated.” Or what I have done (if other parents are really pushing to bring a gift), I ask for a small gift card ($10) to a craft store or book store that my kid likes.” Ticklish_Pomegranate
3. AITJ For Calling My Partner Useless After He Refused To Take Our Injured Dog To The Vet While I Was Sick?
“My partner and I moved in together 8 months ago and 4 months ago we got an Australian Shepard puppy named Dixie. My partner really wanted one and begged me to let him get one.
I gave up after a month of his begging not realizing it’s because he can’t take care of a dog and now everything related to Dixie is done by me. I feed her, wash her, take her to vet appointments, walk her, etc. My partner just plays with her after he comes back from work.
He works 10 hours a day and I work 8 so I do all the housework and groceries now too which I wasn’t too mad about until now.
Yesterday, I came down with a 103F fever and could barely get out of bed so I was staying in our guest bedroom.
My partner came to tell me Dixie caught her dewclaw on the curtain and it was bleeding. I checked it but wasn’t sure if it was a fractured dewclaw or just the nail but it looked serious because she couldn’t walk and was limping so I booked a slot with the animal hospital. I asked my partner to take her but he was adamant I needed to take her because he wasn’t good with hospitals.
I got mad and told him I could barely walk and he wasn’t the one being checked out he just needed to drop her off in the hospital. He just ignored me and walked out the door saying it’s not his problem.
I had to drive while trying not to pass out and got her to the animal hospital. I called my partner several times but he wouldn’t answer and when I got home he was lighting up.
I got angry and yelled at him for being useless and he defended himself saying he can’t be in a hospital and clearly I could handle it since I’m still conscious. We got into a massive fight and I can’t believe he could be so callous to make me take our dog to the hospital while barely being able to get out of bed but maybe this is just typical guy behavior and I’m overblowing it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your partner clearly can’t even take care of himself if he doesn’t help out with chores and housework. Then on top of all that he forces you into getting a dog while not contributing to caring for it and expecting you to pick up his slack?
Lastly, he can’t even care for you if he made you drive while you were sick with no regard for your well-being while he went to the store instead of at least getting something to help you feel better. Dump him and take the dog with you.
He clearly doesn’t have the responsibility to take care of an animal if he can’t take care of himself.” feelingjustpeachy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but an idiot if you stay with the waste of space. Why do all the work in a household for 2 people when you could do it for one?
He only works two more hours a day but you’re stuck with more than two hours of homework on your own. He lets the puppy get hurt on his watch and then has zero regard for your health and safety as well as the puppy.
If you stick with him this frustration, disappointment, and overworking with zero support will be the rest of your life. I’m not sure if you want kids in the future but if you do, imagine being sick in bed, a useless partner comes and tells you your child broke their leg while they were playing in the backyard, and then sitting home after making you take your child to the hospital. That’s what you’re in for if you don’t drop this dead weight.” Fun_Mirror_5891
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I personally think you’re not making it a bigger deal because your partner is a massive jerk for several reasons. 1, he acted like my kids did when begging for a pet. I got our dog when I was ready to do all the work because my kids lied to me, as I expected. Sometimes they help, but usually not.
But when I was laid up with the sickness that shall not be named, they did all the work. He is a jerk because his idea of taking care of his dog is crap. I hope he pays for it all at least! 2, his lame complaint that he can’t be in a hospital is nonsense – an animal hospital is not similar to a human hospital. But he wouldn’t know that because he’s never taken the dog there.
He endangered you by not taking the dog to the vet – you should not have driven in the state you were in. 3, he walked out of the discussion you were having, and then ignored his phone. Then pulled the Pikachu face when you got mad at him for smoking on your couch?!
Unless you have a serious attachment to the dog, sell it and keep the money. Then kick the partner out – I wouldn’t be able to salvage a relationship if my partner acted like this! This is NOT normal guy behavior, except if the pool of guys is total jerks who weaponize their own incompetence.
Then it would be…. Even if it was typical, it’s not acceptable to you and that’s all that matters. I’m glad you are ok (ok enough to write this post at least!).” Canning-mama-1998
2. AITJ For Telling My Husband To Stop Modifying Recipes To Make Them Healthier?
“My (30F) husband (33M) does the majority of the cooking – like 90%. This is specifically because he’s a picky eater and I have given up cooking for him (I just clean up afterward and watch the baby while he cooks).
Sometimes he would try to take recipes online or copy a dish we like – except he would change the recipes so that it’s “healthier”.
It usually results in something that neither of us enjoys to eat. However, since he’s picky, he just doesn’t eat it – so then I get stuck with eating all of it since I don’t like to waste food.
(By modification, I mean like cutting sugar by 75% and replacing white flour with wheat flour/almond flour.
That level of substitution/modification.)
I told him to just stop trying to change the recipe – especially if it’s his first time making it. He called me ungrateful.
So was I the jerk for suggesting him to stop modifying recipes to become healthier.”
Another User Comments:
“Don’t eat it. You’re not a goat, you’re his wife. I’m a classically trained chef and I love to experiment… but even with my advanced skillset, and decades of doing my art, sometimes recipes need multiple sessions of tinkering until they are ready for an audience.
Why are you forcing yourself to be a human garbage disposal? Go ahead and be “picky” too… don’t eat bad food. Make yourself a frozen pizza, or some pasta, or bulk cook yourself some chicken breasts so you have a set of quick go-to ingredients for topping salad greens… Maybe if the budget is going to be hurt by this, he needs to dial back his experiments.
Or eat it himself and learn some deeper skills and more respect for the craft and the ingredients. But why are you letting your f.o.g. (fear, obligation, guilt) force you to eat disgusting failed cooking experiments? In an equal partnership, you have just as much right to have your palate pleased and happy as he does.
NTJ, if that wasn’t clear enough. Also? Husband sounds very manipulative. This is way more about an inflated self-importance than a refined palate or a sensitive digestion.” Myay-4111
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Cooking is a science. Ingredients can react differently. He should at least stick with the recipe first to see what it is like and he can change it if he can INTELLIGENTLY do so.
By way of example, I used to make cookies for the office. A co-worker asked for the recipe. She made it and then said that it didn’t turn out right and she did not like it. I have no idea what made me ask but I asked: Did you use sugar?
No, I used a sugar substitute. Did you use butter? No, I used margarine. Well, THAT can make all the difference and it DID.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Definitely requires a conversation. Even if you’re coming off as ungrateful, he’s being wasteful. And who could be grateful for that?
Especially if he just goes and gets Uber Eats, it just sounds like a huge waste of time, effort, and money. I’m a picky eater, also (in addition to having some legitimate food restrictions). So I understand what he’s trying to do. But what’s the point if it all goes to waste?
If he wants to alter the recipes to make them “healthier,” then he should look up legitimate ingredient conversion charts. There are also half a million healthy, sugar-free, vegan, keto, etc etc etc food blogs out there that provide very healthy and very delicious recipes – no adjustments required. So I’m struggling to understand why he’s trying to turn a pig into a cow instead of just looking for a cow to begin with.
Either we’re missing critical details, or your husband is trying to die on the silliest hill imaginable.” echoCashMeOusside
1. AITJ For Going To The Dentist Alone While My Partner Was Abroad?
“I live in my partner’s country. I speak the language at an advanced level, but not fluent especially with medical terms.
So I have severe anxiety and dental phobia. I haven’t been to the dentist in years and my partner was hinting I should go. We agreed I would get anti-anxiety pills first and then go. He was going on a business trip and I wanted to get my anxiety meds but there wasn’t enough time before, so I did it when he was abroad.
Then I went to a dental clinic. Everything went well and I told him about my appointment afterwards. I expected a happy and proud reaction that I did something I was scared of, but instead, he was livid. He said I deceived him and did this behind his back.
“You did what I really hate.”
“And you did it alone to avoid the situation with me.”
“While deceiving me.”
“And I think you are a true coward who avoids scary situations.”
Honestly, it is true I was scared of his reaction if I had cavities, I thought he would blame me more than the dentist.
He is angry because I didn’t tell him about the appointment or bring him with me, and he thinks I am getting scammed because they told me I need to come back in for a deep cleaning since it has been so long.
Yet when he goes to a clinic he doesn’t ask permission or let me know beforehand.
Plus just last week at the airport he forced me to do something alone because I have to be “independent” and the week before he didn’t go with me to my haircut for the same reason. It seems like mixed signals to me.
He ruined the good mood I had after overcoming a fear of mine, and it also feels very very controlling.
What should I do?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and here’s a story as to why. I had a friend like you. She had been with a guy for years, and as the years progressed her natural anxieties got worse, or you could say were enforced by her partner.
It was strange to observe. He was almost encouraging her fears and making them worse so he could have a place in her life, almost as if it was a way for her to bond with him and be dependent on him. He would complain about how she was no longer independent but you could clearly see he was also happy about it, how he’ll forever be needed. I wish they broke up, because she doesn’t go anywhere without him, and will wait around all day until he’s off work.
She says it’s because she doesn’t want him to feel left out, or because he makes her feel safe. Her codependence is frankly toxic and abusive and clearly something she was groomed into. As an example, she had a bad experience on a bus with a strange man asking her where she lived. Naturally, she was upset and went to her partner to talk about it.
She came home to tell her partner about it and now he doesn’t want her riding the bus alone EVER AGAIN. Apparently, he got so upset she never did it again out of fear of upsetting her partner over his concern for her safety. I eventually had to stop being friends with her because I couldn’t stand how she wasn’t allowed to hang out with me alone.
I would leave your partner, or start opening your eyes and do exactly as he says… to be more independent… but be prepared for him to be mad about it.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner seems controlling. It’s only fine for you to do stuff on your own if/when he tells you to do it, and then when you make a decision for yourself he flips.
It sounds and looks to me like he doesn’t want you to be independent from him. One could argue he was just upset that you didn’t let him know beforehand where you were going in case anything went wrong and you needed help, but the fact that he didn’t praise you or was happy for you overcoming your phobia ONCE despite the visit going smoothly tells me that ain’t it.
I know you’ve been together for a while but I would bet money that this isn’t the only red flag in your relationship. I highly advise you to sit down and think hard about whether this is someone you want in your life for the long run because his reaction was not normal and you deserve a supporting partner, not… whatever your partner is.
You didn’t secretly go to the dentist; you didn’t keep the visit a secret from anyone, you promptly told your partner about it as soon as you were back. You simply went to the dentist. Period. Don’t let him guilt trip you into believing you were doing something wrong.” L_Gobetti
Another User Comments:
“You know what did it for me? The line where you said that you were scared of his reaction. I immediately remembered that fear. Feels a lot like your stomach just drops out and that you could drown in the fear. For me, that was my mom.
She was very abusive. Think to yourself how often you are afraid around him. How often you’re afraid of what he’ll say or do? Being afraid of your partner like this means that you are in a bad situation. He’s also being completely illogical in that he said you were a coward who avoids scary situations.
I am so afraid of the dentist too. Panic attacks, shakes, crying… you had the courage to go in and get it done! And you did it alone?! I can’t do that. You deserve someone who will be proud of you when you do something this big.
You deserve someone who will make you feel safe. You deserve support and love, not control and bullying. Choose yourself. NTJ.” Goda6511
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