People Face Their "Am I The Jerk?" Problems
22. AITJ For Ignoring My Neighbor's Kid Who Constantly Wants To Pet My Cats?
“I have a next-door neighbor that put their trampoline right on the property line, and their basketball hoop right on the property line so the basketball is always hitting my house. The kids scream bloody murder. (I know kids are loud, they’re kids, but these kids are nothing like the other kids up the street who casually scream, like I’ve been worried they’ve been hurt because they’re screeching in such a way.) So my neighbors frustrate me.
However, one of the daughters is kind of sweet and really likes my cats. Almost every day she comes over wanting to pet them. However, my mom and I are often in the basement together and she has frequent migraines (so the doorbell can be obnoxious) and I have difficulties using stairs.
So when the girl comes to the door, it’s difficult to get up to answer it.
She’s started ding dong ditching us when we don’t answer and I just wanted to know if I’m the jerk for ignoring her. I feel bad because she just wants to pet the cats, but one is super shy and will bite, and the other is friendly but even he gets tired of her excitability.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even if you were right by the door you don’t have to let her have access to your home and more importantly your cats. Sounds like one just isn’t sociable which reminds me of my boy and one who’s very sociable on their own terms which reminds me of one of my girls.
You already know that stress isn’t good for cats especially when it’s humans in their space. If possible and won’t cause your wanted visitors any issues I would move the doorbell higher.” Pascalle112
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but what if you scheduled a time with the girl?
Like hey tomorrow at 3 why don’t you come over to pet cats? That way I can be upstairs. Or let her tell you a time and that way you both are prepared.” Bubbly-Kitty-2425
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I disconnected my doorbell years ago. One of the best things I ever did.
Or you could get a ring cam. You could see on your phone who it is, decide if you want to get up, or say something.” Otherwise-Topic-1791
21. AITJ For Not Inviting My Brother's Undisciplined Kids To My Wedding?
“My partner (23) & I (21) have been together for 5 years. We are getting married in 9 months. We want the wedding to be as smooth & peaceful as possible.
My brother (31) has 4 kids with his ex-wife (31). While my partner & I love my brother & kids we have told him that while he is invited to the wedding his kids aren’t. Reason? He & his ex-wife have something called, “free-range parenting,” which basically means they allow their kids to do as they please with 0 to little supervision & 0 discipline/consequences for negative behavior.
All 4 kids who are between 6-10 have been suspended from school for behavioral issues. They’ve even been banned from places due to their behavior. And I say this to give an idea of why we do not want them there.
While my partner’s family, my sis & dad are on board with us, my mom & brother are causing a ruckus.
So, AITJ for not inviting my brother’s kids?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They are wild and need their parents to step up. However, that is not free-range parenting, that is neglect. Free-range parenting (I was a free-range parent) is allowing certain freedoms with safety in mind and boundaries in place based on the abilities and maturity of the child.
And restricting those freedoms if trust is broken.” sheramom4
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If he decides to not attend, just be ok with that. If you give in, you’re basically signing up for chaos at the wedding. If brother and mother want to throw a fit over this, let them.
It’s whatever. I bet brother is embarrassed because the truth hurts and everyone in attendance will likely know why the children aren’t there (poor parenting). If brother persists, I’d be tempted to tell him that this is more about his ego than caring about his children because parents who care about their children actually try to prepare them for the world.” paul_rudds_drag_race
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I would be very clear that his kids are specifically a liability to you and to the event because of their past behavior. You simply can’t trust that they will behave. And it’s not acceptable for them to ruin your wedding by acting out: which they have a clear track record of.
Your brother needs to wake up. Free-range parenting may work for some kids, but between the ages of 6-10 if they can’t sit quietly in a ceremony for an hour, or go to a reception without getting out of control- they do not have the maturity or skills to be there.” ChakraMama318
20. AITJ For Resenting My Parents Due To Their Double Standards?
“I (F16) have slowly grown to resent my parents over the years due to their double standard with my little brother (M15).
He gets to go out almost whenever he wants with whoever he wants, but if I want to go out they have to know days in advance, usually say no, and unless I’m with my partner, bring my brother everywhere.
I also do the “women” chores and 10x more than him (I walk the dogs 3x a day, do everyone’s laundry and the dishes whereas he only takes out the garbage once a week).
He also knows all this and rubs it in my face.
So, AITJ for slowly beginning to resent them?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I presume this is a family dynamic that has spanned generations, and it often sucks. My advice would be to open your own PRIVATE bank account and squirrel whatever birthday or gift money you get.
Apply for education far away from them if you can in the future so they have less of a grip on you. Do not let them bully you into things because “it’s a woman’s duty” etc.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“Info: where do you live?
I only ask because there are some countries where it’s a lot more dangerous for women to go out alone than men, and they may just want to keep you safe. However, as to the rest of it – NTJ. Your parents are treating you totally unfairly, and with their favoritism, they are also ensuring your brother will follow in their footsteps, no doubt expecting his future wife and any daughters he may have to be submissive, take on all the ‘female’ roles and generally put up with being treated as less-than.
Which sucks for everyone involved.” DoorSubstantial2104
Another User Comments:
“Dear OP, you are NTJ and it is truly awful to feel they are against you no thanks to the double standards they set up. OP, please do not bottle up your feelings. If you feel like exploding, do talk to your partner or close friends (I saw one of your comments mentioning a partner).
If you feel more comfortable talking to a trusted adult such as a teacher, your friend’s parent, your partner’s older relative, a school counselor, or a doctor, by all means, talk to any of them. It may feel like 2 years to turn 18 feel like ages to happen but please hang in there.
Right now, work on a ‘moving out’ plan as you wait to turn 18. For starters, you can slowly move some of your stuff out to be kept safe at your partner’s or friends’ in case parents ruin or throw away your stuff when things go belly up.
Do look into financial aid or scholarships that help young people leaving home but heading into uni (talk to someone in school who will point you where to get one of those). The minute you turn 18, go to the national registry to get your birth certificates and IDs.
Do you have a part-time job by chance? If you do, good on you and I hope you saved up some money.” KangarooOk2190
19. AITJ For Not Wanting To Share A Bed With My Partner's Sister On A Family Vacation?
“My in-laws are pulling the separate rooms by gender on “family vacation” thing. I chipped in $1k assuming I’d get a bed with my partner, only to realize I get to actually share a bed with the 13-year-old sister. This didn’t work for me so now I can get the couch or a cot.
Can’t pull out because it was a Costco family package and I’d rather be a jerk than not go at all.
I’m 24, we’ve been together 2 years and live together part-time. They wouldn’t entertain us going separately alongside their trip and said I’d either have to stay back entirely or be in the girls’ room.
The resort has been unable to confirm there’s a couch in our room nor will cots be available.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “They wouldn’t entertain us going separately alongside their trip.” They realize they can’t control that, right? I mean, if they refuse to hang out with you the whole time if you make your own accommodations, so be it.
But if they’re going to charge you $1k and not even prioritize finding a way to have separate beds for everyone if they can’t bring themselves to accept the reality of your sleeping arrangements with your partner when they’re not around, then they clearly don’t want you there.
Which means they also don’t want your money, and your partner should be putting some serious thought into whether this is really the kind of vacation he wants.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“No matter what happens and what advice you listen to, I wish you the best of luck with all this.
This is a sticky situation and I’m sorry this is happening and causing you stress during what should be a very exciting moment with loved ones. NTJ – I spent a whole vacation on a couch once and it was bad. I was glad to not be in the bed with my roommate but I was so resentful and I still don’t talk to that girl anymore.
I would hate for you to resent anyone because of this.
Before anything else… where’s your partner in all this? They should be the one advocating to their family for you. It’s always hard to stand up to in-laws and they should be in your corner.
I hope they are talking to their parents about all this for you. Also…. So they don’t want you in the same bed as your live-in partner but are ok with you being in a bed with a minor that’s not your family?
Also, young teenagers are known for being bad cosleepers, kicking, snuggling, etc. Your personal space would be nonexistent.
Again, NTJ. Can we also talk about the other problems with sharing a room like sharing a bathroom, having to change in front of everyone, shared luggage space….
I don’t know… sounds like a recipe for disaster if you ask me. I don’t understand the problem with you guys just going to get a room separately in the same place. I think this would be the best solution for everyone involved?
Have a conversation with them. (And include your partner in this conversation since it’s their parents) And I’m sorry to say but if they really won’t budge and this makes you uncomfortable… the best thing for you might be to miss out or go on your own vacation.
I know losing that kind of money sucks… you’ll have to decide which lesser of two evils you’re willing to live with. Best of luck!” Chatty_ADHD_sloth
18. AITJ For Uninviting Non-Communicative Friends From Our Downsized Wedding?
“My fiancée wants to invite a large number of friends to our wedding even though most don’t speak to us anymore. For example one of them just had a wedding and did not invite us.
They never come over when we invite them to supper at our house and do not respond to text messages, Snapchat, or any kind of communication.
Not only that but we have run into the problem of having to downsize to a new venue because the last one was hit by a tornado.
So our guest list is going to be 20 people over the seating capacity. My fiancée is upset that I brought it up. So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your fiance is not being realistic in ignoring the new seat limit and in trying to pack your wedding with guests like the one you described who clearly does not even like you.
EDIT: I see that you have already sent them Save The Date invites. In that case, you do need to send them a note that due to damage at the venue, you’ve had to reduce your guest list and they no longer need to save that date.” OrcEight
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ. My husband and I were limited to a total of 40 people. That 40 included family and the help we hired to serve food and help with clean up, as the wedding was at my aunt & uncle’s home. We decided to invite only those friends that a) were friends of both of us or b) had actually been in touch with us over the past few years.
And by be in touch, it meant actually calling, texting, or emailing something other than the latest meme from social media. It’s ridiculous to invite (and pay for!) people who basically seemed to have cut you out of their lives. Why waste an invite on them when it comes at the cost of including someone you’d like to have there?” formerlythere
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It may be awkward to uninvite people; however, the requirement that you downsize the wedding because the new venue is smaller does provide you with a compelling reason for doing so. You and your fiancee need to discuss, calmly and objectively, who you will ask not to come because of that requirement.
Remind her that the people who don’t invite you to their events and/or who don’t speak to you anymore are no longer your friends. They are more like acquaintances who used to be friends. Make the list, together; and if it exceeds your 20, so be it.” Individual_Ad_9213
17. AITJ For Not Feeling Sympathy For My Abusive In-Law?
“My in-law has been nothing short of horrible to me, actually slandering my name to the community, and is now staying in the garage after being asked to leave the home due to their behavior towards me.
Today, my partner went to go have a chat with my in-law to find them crying their eyes out.
Turns out, my just-as-bad sister-in-law contacted them for the first time in about six months, only to rag on them and basically call them a whole bunch of names and say they were a bad parent, etc.
My partner came in after this and told me about it and my response was “so?” My partner asked me how can a person say such terrible things to someone and I legit asked “are you expecting me to feel sorry for them, after they said equally terrible things about me?” And now my partner is upset with me and my lack of empathy.
AITJ because I don’t care if my in-law is hurt by what their daughter said to them?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just watch Malcolm in the Middle: Family Reunion (Season 4 Episode 3). Also, my dad’s parents didn’t treat my mom well for all the years she was with him and I haven’t spoken to them in five years (despite them calling me every month to ask to see me) so what goes around comes around.
Like Dustin Poirier said: “Karma’s not a B she’s a mirror.”” PuzzleheadedState405
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but having read your other posts you need to have a come to Jesus conversation with your partner. They’re firmly back under their parent’s control right now.
They’re not thinking with logic or reason. You need to tell them this is serious. You’re not going to be treated this way, this is not how partners act, and you’re out of luck if they can’t get on the same page with you re: their parent.
Is your mental health worth nothing? Is there any reason you should stand there and take this? No. And make sure you emphasize that this is about your mental health, this is about your partnership and its flaws, and not about the in-law, except in that they are the catalyst that exposed these flaws.” Imnotawerewolf
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but empathy is the wrong word here he’s looking for your sympathy for them. You clearly understand as you have been the recipient of their abuse, you’re just done feeling bad that they’re getting a taste of what they dish out.
Maybe this could be a turning point for them but I doubt it.” rocklandguy324
16. AITJ For Not Wanting To Sit Next To My Ex At Our Son's Graduation?
“Our son is graduating the fifth grade and there’s a ceremony for all the parents next week.
His mom and I divorced a couple of years ago and there are some lingering bad feelings.
I accepted that I didn’t get everything I wanted but she can’t accept that she didn’t get everything she wanted. I’m far more involved and comfortable at my son’s school than she is and I know she will want to sit by me.
I do not want her to sit by me. I know that it looks good seeing two exes sitting next to each other. I just learned that sometimes it’s best to keep distant. Just because I’m cordial and nice doesn’t mean I like her. She hasn’t been nice at all.
I texted her about the graduation and told her that we should sit separately. She asked why and I replied that I don’t want to sit by her. I don’t want to be rude at the ceremony so I’m being upfront now.
She said that I’m being a jerk and a drama queen.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – my dad is like this with my mom too. My son recently had a big event that we invited everyone to and my dad said he was fine with her being there so long as he didn’t have to communicate with her.
This is where my uncles came in and kinda ran interference for him and just kept the two of them separate. As far as I was concerned, it was fine. You’re entitled to have boundaries as a human being, even in situations like this.
Maybe you can have a friend or relative run interference for you when it comes to her.” Broken-Nero
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Maybe 10ths from now you would be able to tolerate sitting beside her but this is fairly fresh. If you know other parents talk to them now to see if y’all could plan to sit together.
If you are close to a couple of parent pairs you might tell them that your son’s mother will be there so you would like to sit between them. Problem solved. If she does manage to try to sit beside you just get up and move.
Why should anyone be forced to sit by someone they cannot stand?” FugglerFan
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and a drama queen. Your son is graduating 5th grade but you haven’t. Be there with your son’s mom, assuming she even wants to sit next to you, so your son feels loved and does not feel like he has to explain to anyone why mom and dad aren’t sitting next to each other, etc…” snewton_8
15. AITJ For Using Our Driveway To Load Guests After A Party?
“My husband (31m) and I (38m) have lived in our house for 6 years. We don’t have a garage and share a driveway with a neighbor we love. We typically have a few big parties a year.
2024 has been rough with some mental health issues and significant losses, so last night’s big family gathering was refreshing and fun to have the house all decorated and full of loved ones again. Most of our guests parked behind our house; many had kids and gifts to load up when it was time to go.
I helped grandma (80f) get in her daughter’s car and went back inside. My husband helped his sister and her husband load up their three girls (8, 6, and 4). Suddenly, the neighbor across the street came charging up the driveway, screaming about headlights in her front window.
Her husband was also yelling from across the street. The kids were visibly upset and crying when the woman got up to our porch.
The kids’ parents yell back at her, mostly asking her to calm down and stop yelling. They turned their headlights off the second they understood what the problem was.
Then the husband (still on the porch yelling across the street) says the parking lights are also too bright.
After some back and forth, my husband (sassily, but with a smile) told her to get off the porch and go home because her screaming was making the whole departure take even longer.
He told her to call the cops if she wanted to, but this was the last car out.
I can see their window as I type this. Not a shred of curtains or blinds or anything. They were upset because they were trying to watch TV and the headlights from our driveway were blinding them for about 30 minutes between everyone leaving the party combined.
Are we jerks for using our driveway?”
Another User Comments:
“The neighbors across the way are probably often bothered by this reasonably or not. Except they don’t tell you. They complain to each other, have mental arguments with you in their head, let it build and then finally it blows up.
It’s the first time they are telling you but for them, it’s like the “final straw.” Too often the final straw for some people is the first straw for the person who has been irritating them. People ought to use their words and not “let things go” that they aren’t actually letting go.
What they should have done is simply walked over and said, hey do you mind turning off the lights until you are ready to leave? NTJ.” anon19111
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your driveway, and you were just helping family load up after a party, not exactly a wild crime spree.
The neighbors’ reaction was completely over the top. If headlights were an issue, they could have calmly mentioned it instead of storming over and yelling at kids and grandparents. Also, no curtains or blinds? That’s on them, not you. It’s unreasonable to expect everyone else to cater to their TV-watching needs when you’re just using your own property as intended. Your husband handled it well.” Longjumping_Peak_67
Another User Comments:
“I used to live at the junction of a T-intersection. Every car that came through the intersection at night, their headlights shone at the house. I planted some bushes and put up blinds. If someone’s driveway aligns with your windows, you hope they’ll be courteous.
You also take common-sense measures to keep it from being a problem. Maybe drop them a note. Maybe curse the developers and architects who built the houses like that. What you don’t do? You don’t go scream at them. NTJ.” Foreign_Plan_5256
14. AITJ For Not Wanting To Spend Christmas With My Volatile Mother?
“I (19f) don’t want to spend Christmas with my family anymore. The main reason why is my mother.
In the days leading to Christmas Eve, she becomes absolutely insufferable. She yells at everyone, is always nervous, the smallest things sent into a fit of rage and she blames everything on me and my dad.
Every year she tells everyone how she has to do everything herself, how nobody helps her etc. Which is not true at all. My dad and I have no problem helping my mom. The problem is, even if she does let us help, she wants us to do everything exactly like she would’ve done it or it’s wrong.
For example, last year we were supposed to make the potato salad. She threw us out of the kitchen screaming at us that we are useless pieces of crap who can’t do anything right because “we didn’t cut the potatoes the right way.” We cut them on that kind of metal string thingy that makes them into small cubes, there is no way to get that wrong, well unless you are my mother.
Then during and after Christmas dinner, she drinks wine, a lot of wine, maybe 2-2.5 bottles. And she is not a nice heavy drinker. She then picks fights with either me, Grandpa, or Dad. Last year the fight got so bad she was throwing plates and tore a kitchen cabinet door off the hinges.
When I suggested we do a booze-free Christmas I got yelled at because “She isn’t a heavy drinker and how dare I assume she has a drinking problem.” I never suggested her having a problem, I only said it would be nice if they cut down on the wine this year.
This and many other things are the reasons why I no longer feel any joy when Christmas is coming. I only feel fear and anxiety of “what is going to go wrong this year?”
So AITJ for not wanting to spend the holidays with them?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your mom needs professional help. I am not a therapist, but it sounds like she’s a perfectionist who gets extreme anxiety around Christmas. She may drink to try to calm that anxiety or to try to remove the guilt that she feels for how she treats people.
Regardless. This is not your burden to bear. Tell her that you cannot/do not want to spend holidays with her until she works through whatever causes her to act this way. She is making the holidays waaaay more stressful than it needs to be.
She will be incredibly angry, especially hearing this from a 19-year-old, but these are the consequences of her behavior. No consequences, no changed behavior. Even then, there is still a chance that she will never change. Accept it and move on to what makes YOU happy.
Make your Christmas everything you want it to be (that is within your own control obviously). Good luck friend.” FlamingBaconLips
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Wow. Your mom obviously has some serious personality and mental issues that need to be addressed professionally, seriously. Then, there’s the all-too-obvious drinking problem, which is intensifying the other already existing problems. Your mom blew up at the mention of booze and said what she said because it hit home, dead center bullseye.
She’s in full-blown denial and isn’t ready to admit her problems to herself, much less anyone else. Until she gets help for her issues, there’s nothing that you can do except stay out of the line of fire. There’s absolutely no reason you have to submit yourself to unnecessary abuse.
If you wish to visit Dad, you can get your father alone, explain exactly why you won’t be coming home for Christmas, and plan a time that you and he could get together during the holidays without Mom being in the scenario.” Proud-Cat-Mom-2021
Another User Comments:
“That sort of situation isn’t, sadly, all that unusual. The expectations around major holidays like Christmas can put a lot of pressure on people, and some people respond to that very badly. Maybe the easiest way out is to figure out a reason not to go this year – although it’s a bit late for that now.
It’s easiest if you aren’t living with them – your job requires you to work, you just can’t get home because you have studies to catch up with, and if you’re seeing someone, you’ve got an invitation to go elsewhere. Then define your own Christmas.
Maybe ONE brief call to wish them Merry Christmas. Eliminate whatever parts of the traditional celebrations you don’t like, gradually adding back what you miss in future years (in other words, don’t include anything that reminds you of the bad parts of your childhood Christmases).
Given how close Christmas is – do you have an escape route? Money for a hotel or a friend you can go to so as soon as she starts picking a fight? Cut all contact for 24 hours to avoid heavy drinker calls and texts, and have a nice quiet break.
Before it reaches that point – maybe either ignore her complaints that no one helps her – or take them seriously. “OK, what do you want me to do? The potatoes? Fine.” “Oh, the potatoes aren’t good enough for you? I guess I can’t help you then” and walk away without waiting for her to throw you out.
Good luck negotiating this. I almost forgot – NTJ.” SavingsRhubarb8746
13. AITJ For Selling A Gifted Phone And Not Giving All The Proceeds To The Giver?
“Last year I (19F) broke my cellphone. My SIL (26F) had just got a new cellphone because hers was not charging.
She said I could get it for free, I would only have to fix it and buy a charger. I did, and have been using it since.
I just bought a new phone purely because my stepdad was selling it and I’m impulsive. My friend’s mom informed me that she was interested in buying my old phone for what I feel is a pretty fair price and we already set a date for me to give her the phone so she can pay me.
I sent a message to my SIL saying that I was going to sell the phone, and as soon as I got the money I would be sending her half of it. My SIL thanked me and that was that.
Well, my brother (30M) (her husband) just sent me a pretty angry text saying that I was stealing from them and that if I was going to sell a phone that I got for free, I should give all the money to the person that gifted me it.
Now my family is all arguing about it. Though some think that my offer of half was good, apparently a lot think that I’m a jerk for a) selling a phone that I got as a gift and b) not giving them all of the money.
My mom, other siblings, and stepdad agree with me but my dad feels like I should give them the money to keep the peace because they are struggling parents and I’m just a 19-year-old kid who doesn’t need it. I’m afraid I just made Christmas awkward, but honestly, I would like the money and since my brother was rude about it I don’t feel like giving it to him.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for this part: You can do whatever you want with things that are gifted to you. Also, you paid money to make it operational for your own use. The only thing I think you should not have done was tell her you were selling it.
None of her business and it created bad feelings. In the future, if you are going to part with something that was gifted to you, simply do not mention it to the gift giver. In this aspect, everyone’s a jerk. Especially your brother.” Ok_Fly8717
Another User Comments:
“Technically, if something was given to you as a gift (implies there is no expectation of giving it back) then that gift is yours to do as you please. As it’s yours, you are under no obligation to give any money to the previous owner (giver) when you sell it.
By offering some money, that’s considered a nice gesture, but not compulsory. Your sil said you could have the phone for free, you’d just need to fix it, and buy a charger. Which you did. I’m pretty sure over their lifetime your brother and his wife have been given gifts, and at some point sold some of them.
I assure you, they did not share any of those proceeds with the person who originally gave them that gift.” Ratchet_gurl24
Another User Comments:
“Obligatory NTJ. As someone who’s of similar age (27), if I gifted a 19yo a kinda broken phone, said “fix it, it’s yours” then later on in time said 19yo was upgrading to a better phone and wanted to sell the first, and notified me they were selling it, I would accept absolutely 0$ of what that that 19yo made from the first phone.
It wasn’t working right anyway and I was giving it away to someone who could use it. I don’t care what you do with it after that. You’re 19. You need the money more than me (or Sil in this instance) it was kind of you to offer to share profits, but in my opinion, that’s not necessary.
Go to the mall and mess around with your friends for all I care. That money is yours and yours to do with as you please. And your bro needs to bugger off too. Does he not have money to support his wife? Everyone telling you to pay back money to Sil for the sold phone, is a loser with loser mentality.
You’re still a kid. A lot of kids don’t have jobs or don’t have jobs that pay well. Usually school gets in the way of going full time. Even if you have a full-time gig, I’m always in favor of helping out the kiddos. You should owe nothing back.” Ablette531
12. AITJ For Refusing My Mom's Offer To Stay With Her While I'm Sick?
“I, a 30-year-old female, had a bad fall a week ago and couldn’t go to the hospital because my six-year-old couldn’t be left alone and waiting times for ED can be 10-16 hours long here to even be seen.
So I powered through the pain and dizziness until I collapsed and started vomiting.
My husband couldn’t get time off work as this is his busiest week of the year. He did his best and his employer tried to help but corporate deadlines can’t be moved. Our only option was to call my parents who live 3 hours away to pick up my 6-year-old son and care for him while I go into the hospital.
They came and picked him up and I was admitted a few days ago.
Now I will be released by the weekend but I am quite unwell. I’m to be strictly on bed rest, the world is still spinning, and it could take a few weeks to recover so I called my mom to ask if they could drive my son back home on Sunday.
To which she responded by insisting I come over instead and spend the holidays there because “I need care and put myself first not the silly holidays.”
Outside of having a clear medical NO to me traveling anywhere, much less three hours away from my hospital and doctor, she has been badgering me about this for the month leading up to my hospitalization, and the entire time during she would send messages like “we’re waiting for you on the weekend, maybe you will recover by the weekend.”
When I said No I cannot do this, if you want to help please can you drive my son back so my husband doesn’t have to take a 3-hour train there to pick him up and then a 3-hour train back she said “well if you’re such heroes with your husband then he can bring him while you stay home alone since you’re okay to care for you.”
I told her I feel like she is manipulating my illness to get the holidays with me and my son that she wanted all month but she snapped at me and said “you’re so selfish, I can’t believe even now you think this of me when all I did was help you, so this is what you’re really like”.
Then I hung up and I haven’t spoken to her just crying in the ward now.
I need to know if I am the jerk for refusing her help here and being unreasonable as she said I was?”
Another User Comments:
“Let me get this straight.
Mom is 3 hours away. You are bedridden and told not to travel by a DOCTOR. Mom said if you don’t wanna come then don’t but your spouse and kid can? Your mom doesn’t like you. I live in a different state than my kid and if he was in your shoes I would do everything in my power to make things easier for him, not more stressful.
If Mom really wanted to help, she would still be at your house with your kid, not 3 hours away so that hubby has no choice but to spend 6 hours on a train, half with a 6yr. You are literally in the hospital right now, and she’s manipulating your brain injury (that is what you have) to get her way.
She is not helping, she isn’t even offering help, if it was help it would make it easier for you, not more stressful. As a mom here’s a hug boo, I hope you feel better soon, bare minimum the room stops spinning soon (I hate that).
Stand your ground, if Mom needs to be with y’all so bad for the holidays, then she can travel as you cannot. Does hubby really wanna spend the holiday with his in-laws without you?” HoochyDoo
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk. I’m guessing this isn’t the first time your mother has been manipulative in order to try and get her way.
She is incredibly out of line for asking you to travel 3 hours against doctor’s orders, just so you can do what she wants. As you said, she started this a month ago and is now using your illness as a way to get what she wants, which is unacceptable.
My suggestion is this: Talk to your doctors and see if one of them is willing to talk to your mother. Have them explain that you cannot travel and that it is also not a good idea for you to be left alone. I would probably have them add that all of the stress from her actions is causing your recovery to be set back because it is just adding to all of the issues you’re already having.
Granted, I’m assuming that last part is true, but stress of any kind cannot be good for you at this point. All that being said, make sure you take the time you need to recover. Get your son back, block your mother, and have the best Christmas you can under these circumstances.
I hope that you feel better soon and that your mother realizes the world doesn’t revolve around her.” Icy_Cardiologist8444
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her “help” sounds like it is an additional stressor rather than actual help. You aren’t cleared to travel. Because she can’t respect your medical limitations.
I’d tell her that you are not cleared to travel and are still unsteady enough on your feet that you shouldn’t be left alone. You’re not going, neither is your husband or child, and you don’t want them coming to your home, and hang up.
She is making your injury all about her and what she wants. and doesn’t care at all about what YOU need. Your needs have to come first now, and for a while to come. That’s not being selfish: that’s survival. People don’t understand the problems that concussions can cause.
It is a MINIMUM of two to six weeks to recover from post-concussion syndrome, and it can take much longer. I hope that you get a consultation with a neurologist sooner rather than later. Even NFL players must take a mandatory two weeks off after a concussion.
and the length of time that they are required to sit out increases with every successive concussion. You probably had a concussion without protective equipment on your head. Hardhats can fall off when you fall.” No_Philosopher_1870
11. AITJ For Not Replacing My Ex's Stained Sheet Pans After Our Breakup?
“My ex and I just broke up after living together for about two years. Over that time, I did most of the cooking, so I was the one using the cookware most of the time. However, most of the pots, pans, etc., were originally my ex’s, as I got rid of my stuff (mostly poorer quality) when we moved in together.
I used these two sheet pans a lot to make easy dinners with roasted potatoes, vegetables, chicken, etc., and also to bake cookies. Over time, the sheet pans got those baked-on brown grease stains. In my experience, that’s pretty normal and unavoidable (unless you use parchment paper or something like that).
Of course, I always cleaned them after but sometimes the stains don’t come off even after scouring, so I kept using them because I don’t consider it “dirty” after washing with soap and hot water. (This wasn’t an issue with my ex while we were together, possibly because they didn’t need to use the pans much.)
However, when we broke up and sorted out our stuff, my ex said that I needed to replace the sheet pans because I “ruined” them. I said that they weren’t ruined, only stained, they were still perfectly usable. I did try to clean them as much as I could before I left, also using baking soda and a number of other cleaners and scrubbers, but no matter what I did, the staining remained. To replace the pans, it would’ve cost around $50.
I don’t think it’s fair that I should have to replace the pans because I personally don’t think they’re ruined, also I think that some wear and tear of items is expected during a relationship (especially shared household things). I also got rid of a lot of duplicate kitchen stuff when we moved in together, but I don’t expect my ex to replace those things, that was a choice I made and it didn’t pan out well for me (sorry for the pun).
On the other hand, I am almost entirely responsible for staining the sheet pans, as I was the one who used them the most. Also, the staining was pretty extensive, you can imagine a pure silver-colored pan turning to mostly brown, it is kind of ugly (badge of honor in the kitchen, in my opinion).
And maybe my standard for a “ruined” sheet pan is too low and I should respect my ex’s standards for their items.
In the end, I refused to pay to replace the sheet pans. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Personally, I can’t imagine people arguing much over $50 worth of cookware, so this isn’t ESH territory.
It’s not an unreasonable request, but I think that what you describe falls under the category of “reasonable wear and tear.” It would be different if you continually used the pans without parchment paper after she kept asking you to do so. HOWEVER, if you think the stains are a “badge of honor” then I would wonder why you would give up your honor badges so easily.
You’re going to need sheet pans anyway, so why not take the “well-seasoned” ones and replace them with some boring new ones?” 1962Michael
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did the cooking. You and your wife saved so much money by using those pans instead of going out for food—and, as you say, the pans are not ruined. I have the exact same condition with many of my sheetpans.
Actually, go to YouTube and find sheet pan cooking videos and there will be some pans that look just like yours and mine that are being used by professionals and just about everyone else.” Auntie-Mam69
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like your ex didn’t use those pans much because sheet pans stain easily and it doesn’t affect anything.
That’s just what happens when you use them. This is like asking someone to buy them a new phone because their battery is low. It’s still usable and isn’t a big deal. Don’t buy this person new pans. You aren’t in the wrong.
Don’t pay them back. That’s what happens when you use your sheet pans.” ShamrockDragon13
10. AITJ For Not Letting My Inexperienced Ex Fly With Our Son?
“My ex (47m) asked me (31f) last week if I would be okay with him flying to another country with our son (3m). The little one lives with me but we have shared custody, so he has to ask for my permission, otherwise it could be considered kidnapping.
My ex has never flown before. Never seen an airport from the inside. He has no idea what he needs to do there, where to go, and whatever. In general, he’s incompetent. I also know that he has a short temper and when he gets just a little bit upset or annoyed he will snap at our son and, my biggest fear, he might lose him in an airport.
He’s already lost him 3 times in different supermarkets.
The little one can be a lot. He craves attention and is very adventurous so he would definitely run off and keep his dad busy. He’s also very sensitive when it comes to loud noises and strangers.
All of that has led me to my decision to not allow it. I’ve thought about a “leash” for the kid, but I know for sure my ex wouldn’t use it if I bought one. My suggestion to him was that he should fly on his own first so he knows the procedure for airports and hotels etc. I told him that I’m perfectly fine with him taking the little one on vacation as long as they could get there by car.
I told my mom about the situation and she said I was overreacting and I should let the ex do what he likes. My sister-in-law said it was a tough decision and she understands where I’m coming from.
So, tell me, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“He has already lost his child 3 times, and an airport is a lot more hectic environment than a supermarket. If he can’t keep track of his kid at a supermarket, an airport is gonna be even more of a risk, and there’s no way he should be allowed to take the kid out of the country by himself.
If he was with a responsible family member the whole time who could keep him on track and keep an eye on the kid, then maybe, but even then, I’d still be worried. NTJ.” ND-gamer-geek
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – this is your baby, not an art project!
Your reasons are valid and the very real possibility of losing a baby is something you are not willing to chance! Your mom gave horrible advice if it was anything that didn’t matter as much then yeah “let him do what he wants” but when it comes to the safety and well-being of your baby you’re the primary parent for a reason and use that to ensure your baby’s health (mental, emotional, and otherwise), safety, and wellbeing!
Forget everyone else’s opinions when they go against that!” lovely_112217
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother needs to reevaluate her common sense. Your ex sounds as though they’ve made a lifetime career at not being competent. He has demonstrated his incompetence locally, and now wants to be your son’s sole caretaker while on holiday at a destination that is a four-hour flight away?
How will you be notified when your son is missing? When your ex flies back without him? Your ex may be well intended wanting to give the little one memories, but there’s plenty of wow things that can be done with a three-year-old locally.” Ok_Routine9099
9. AITJ For Not Allowing My Sister's Emotional Support Dog At My Wedding?
“My (29F) wedding is in two months, and my fiancé (31M) and I are deep in planning. My sister, “Ella” (27F), has a dog, Charlie, that she absolutely adores. Charlie is a 4-year-old rescue and has a lot of anxiety issues, including barking at strangers and getting overwhelmed in loud or crowded places.
Ella has been very open about how Charlie is her “emotional support” and doesn’t like to go anywhere without him. I respect that. But when she asked if she could bring him to my wedding, I told her no.
Here’s why: My wedding is in a small indoor venue with around 100 people.
It’s formal, with nice decorations, music, speeches, etc. I don’t see how having a nervous, barking dog would fit into that environment. I’m also allergic to dogs—not severely, but enough that if I’m near one for too long, my eyes get itchy, and I start sneezing.
I explained this to Ella and suggested she hire a dog sitter for the day.
She was upset and told me I’m being “insensitive” to her needs. She said Charlie helps her with her anxiety and that asking her to leave him behind for a whole day is unfair.
She even went so far as to suggest I was being ableist (she’s not officially diagnosed with any disability, by the way).
I tried to stay calm and told her this wasn’t personal. It’s not that I dislike her or Charlie; it’s just that this is my wedding day, and I don’t want to deal with added stress, especially since I already have allergies.
I also pointed out that the venue has a strict no-pets policy unless it’s a certified service animal, which Charlie isn’t.
Ella cried, said I’m choosing a venue over her, and accused me of not caring about her mental health. My parents are divided. My mom says Ella needs to learn to compromise, but my dad says I’m being harsh and that “it’s just one day.” My fiancé is firmly on my side but said I should be prepared for Ella to hold a grudge.
So, AITJ for standing my ground here? I feel like I’m being reasonable, but Ella’s reaction is making me second-guess myself.
What do you think? Would love an outside perspective.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You could technically turn her “ableism” argument around on her since allergies are covered under the ADA.
It’s hysterical that your dad is telling you that you’re being harsh when it’s “just one day,” when that should apply to your sister, not you. For her it’s just one day, for you it’s supposed to be the most special day of your life centered around you and your partner.
I am also an extremely anxious person who would love to have my dogs with me everywhere I go. I also know that neither of my dogs is trained service animals and not equipped to accompany me everywhere I go, that my anxiety is my responsibility, and I manage it the best I can while my dogs stay home.
It’s also not good for an anxious dog like hers to be exposed to so many people like that. She knows he doesn’t do well in that environment, so she shouldn’t insist he be anywhere he is uncomfortable and anxious enough to where he’ll be disruptive to everyone present.
That’s not looking out for her own pet or the other guests. This is your and your partner’s day. It’s not “just” one day, it is your day. You shouldn’t have to worry about a dog barking at guests, causing you to experience allergies, and making drama with your chosen venue, when your focus should just be on enjoying your day.” CrimsonKnight_004
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: 1) it’s a wedding. The dog will be freaking out the whole time. 2) The venue is service animals only. He is not. If she wants him to be a service animal, she needs to get him trained. 3) If her anxiety is that debilitating she needs to go get a diagnosis and therapy but it sounds like the dog gave her anxiety from its anxiety.
4) Her emotions are not your responsibility. 5) It’s your wedding! Stand your ground. If you cave, she will eventually have everyone make accommodations that don’t need to be. Making accommodations for people who don’t need them is enabling. We support progress, healing, empathy, and understanding, but it goes both ways.
Besides that, it’s not even the whole day. As someone with bad seizure-like panic attacks, this is completely abnormal.” Foreign_Elk5677
Another User Comments:
“An emotional support dog is not legally a service animal and isn’t recognized as one by the Americans with Disabilities Act or ADA for short.
That means people don’t get to pull the whole “I need them for my anxiety card” any pet that you keep for your own enjoyment is providing you with emotional support. That doesn’t mean that everyone’s pets should be allowed to accompany them everywhere. It is people who think this way that cause all the problems real service animals face when trying to do their jobs out in public.
Plus you are allergic to her dog as someone who claims to have a medical condition that requires the dog in the first place she should practice having empathy for people with medical conditions different to her like your allergies. She seems to want the sympathy yet doesn’t want to offer it herself to accommodate you at your wedding that she’s a guest at.” Otherwise_Subject667
8. AITJ For Not Mailing The Previous Tenant's Leftover Mail?
“I recently moved into a new apartment that has been vacant for 6+ months. Upon checking the mailbox, there were several important-looking letters and possibly checks that had been delivered for the previous tenant.
I reached out to the landlord who put me on an email with them.
I offered to meet them at the apartment, but one of the former tenants indicated that she no longer lived in the area. However, she was going to be in town for work for three days, so she asked if I could meet her by her office building in Midtown Manhattan.
For context, the apartment is in Brooklyn, roughly 1 hour from Midtown. I let her know that I don’t work in Manhattan but offered to connect her with my wife who will be at her office in Downtown Manhattan, about 15 minutes from Midtown during one of those days.
We offered some time slots, but the previous tenant was not able to make those times.
Then, I offered to leave them in my apartment building lobby to be picked up at her convenience. She agreed to this and said she would pick them up the next morning.
In the morning, she called and said that her plans changed and she was no longer able to make it. She asked if I could mail the letters to her. For context, I don’t have a car and the nearest post office is a 0.7 mile walk from the apartment.
I asked if she could have a friend pick them up, or if one of her former roommates (who is coming later this week) could take them and mail them to her. She said she would ask, but sounded offended that I would not mail them.
I felt like I had already gone out of my way to reach out, hold the letters in a small apartment (they’ve been sitting on one of my dining room chairs), and offer solutions for her to get them. Going to the post office is a 45 – 60 minute errand, and I didn’t feel it was justified given that she had made no real effort to retrieve her letters.
However, maybe I am being too critical and should have been a nice person and done it. AITJ??”
Another User Comments:
“BRO. Write “not at this address, return to sender” on the pieces of mail and drop them in a mailbox. Or like, there’s probably a way to get the mail carrier who delivers your mail to take them with.
Either way, you’re making this way more of an issue than it needs to be. No jerks here but none of this is necessary.” BigBigBigTree
Another User Comments:
“Why are you going to all that trouble? If you have the new address of the former tenant from the landlord, cross out yours and write in the new one, and drop the mail in any mailbox.
If you don’t have the former tenant’s new address, write “Not at this address” or “Moved” and drop the mail in any mailbox. Maybe you live somewhere this is not possible… Sure, it could be kind to return the mail in person, but that’s common if they’ve moved, say, next door or down the street – not making a special trip to Manhattan, or across Manhattan.” SavingsRhubarb8746
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you’re literally doing all the work for total strangers. They haven’t lived there in over 6 months. They should have changed their address as soon as they moved. Obviously, this mail isn’t important enough for them to do things properly and they’re just hoping you’ll do it for them.
Write “does not live here, return to sender” on the envelopes and leave them for the mail carrier to get. I bought my house 6 years ago and still have the same issue with the previous owner. At one point they showed up at my front door asking for their mail and telling me I was supposed to hold it for them.
Which that was never discussed and they should have changed their address. I told them just that. They spent weeks driving by my house and just parking across the street to watch. I had to threaten them with cops before they stopped. 6 years later and I still get their mail, funny enough it’s always court summons or bills.
Obviously, those weren’t important enough for them to change their address with.” Silaquix
7. AITJ For Wanting To Downsize To Secure My Financial Future?
“I (25F) own a 3-bed/2-bath home, and my mortgage and living expenses total $3500 monthly. My mom and little sister live with me, and my mom contributes $900, leaving me to cover $2600.
I proposed that we move to a more affordable apartment (~$1600), where I’d still help cover the rent, so I could rent out my home and reduce my long-term financial strain. My goal is to prepare for future expenses when I start my own family.
My older sister and brother-in-law believe I’m abandoning my responsibilities and say I’ll regret it. Even my therapist’s reaction makes me question if I’m being selfish. I feel like my family expects me to support them indefinitely, and I resent that. While I can afford it now, I’m worried about sustaining it long-term.
I wonder if I’m being inconsiderate for wanting to prioritize my financial future over continuing to provide for my mom and sister in my home.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your older sister and brother-in-law are welcome to contribute to the cost of keeping them in your home, taking them in themselves, or helping to fund them getting their own apartment.
Also, why purchase this house if you could not afford to live there on your own income? Were you hoping to get roommates that would pay a larger proportion/market price? If so, that would be a good place for your sister to help out.
If you had been talked into getting this house by your family, expecting to be getting more help from them…. then that was wrong of them to do.” fallingintopolkadots
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for asking but…. You would be increasing your financial burden. You would then have the house payment you are responsible for and rent.
Plus as a landlord you have the responsibility of repairs say the furnace or water heater goes out or a pipe leaks, toilet breaks, dishwasher/refrigerator stops working. It takes time to get a house rented you could have months without any tenants. What if your tenants just don’t pay the rent??
What if you have to evict you could go months without rent, have lawyer fees, court costs, and then repairs before you find new tenants. Oh and even after being awarded eviction you will not just get the rent that the tenant is behind, you then have to file for a garnishment for what you’re owed and it could be years before you are paid.
You also need a liability insurance policy in case someone is injured on your property. You need to have time for when tenants call with issues that you have to go check on. The toilet keeps running, disposal is not working, hot water is not hot … Managing a rental property isn’t as easy as some people think.
I think you need to have a sit down with Mom, and sister (depending on her age) to discuss financial plans and maybe a plan for them to move out of your home. Then you could consider staying in your home but maybe renting the room to a nonfamily member.
Tell older sister to stay out of your business, or she can move Mom and sister in with her.” CallingThatBS
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here from the extremely edited info you provide. Why do you have a house you cannot afford? Do not move out and become a landlord, it will end in total disaster when your tenants don’t pay and you owe both mortgage and rent.
If you cannot afford the house, sell it or make your mom and sister pay more rent. If your older sister is so concerned, she can pay some of their rent. You may be in a bad financial situation now, but your plan is a fantasy that will make every aspect of life worse.
Maybe your therapist gave you a look because every time you have an issue, you flail around wildly and do foolish dramatic things instead of actually dealing with reality. Sit down with your family and talk budget. Maybe you can afford the house but are surprised at how much of your income it takes.
Join the club. It may be more doable than you think if you face it and plan.” dontlikebeige
6. AITJ For Wanting To Give My Misogynistic Brother-In-Law A Meat Chopper As A Secret Santa Gift?
“I (27F) and my siblings are doing a Secret Santa gift exchange for each other this year instead of buying everyone gifts.
We included our wishlists. The couples count as one unit, and I am the only single person among my siblings. I get along with all of my in-laws except one. My sister (21F) married J (21M) this past summer. They hadn’t even known each other for a year when they got married.
Now, I’ve had this happen with friends and other family members, and sometimes it works out. However, he’s been a red flag since the very beginning. He was already seeing someone when they met on a social app. His partner had gone to do some volunteer work out of the country for a few months, and I guess he decided that it was okay for him to join the social apps again.
When my sister and J decided to start seeing each other, he had HER write the breakup email to his partner, who was obviously upset. They started talking about their honeymoon after only a month of seeing each other and were officially engaged after four months.
He is obsessed with money and looks. He took $150 from her before they were married and refused to give it back to her because he bought her so much stuff. She was finishing school at the time and needed to pay off student loans, which he mocks her about (he’s never been to college and has basically gotten a free ride through life).
Now, here’s the thing. He’s also super misogynistic, and he makes my sister do all of the cooking and cleaning despite her also working full-time. On their wishlist, there’s a meat chopper, and I’m their secret Santa. I want to get them individual gifts because I don’t want to get any of the more expensive gifts like a massager that he would definitely use, and I don’t want to do that.
So I want to gift HIM the meat chopper and my sister some self-care stuff. Will he use it? I doubt it, but that’s kind of the point. He can’t really be mad about it since it’s on their wishlist, but would I be the jerk to actually do it?
WIBTJ if I gifted a meat chopper specifically to my misogynistic BIL?”
Another User Comments:
“A jerk no, petty yes and I’m here for it. I love me some petty queens! If that’s what you want to do then do it. Just be prepared for the backlash.
You can always do it more slightly so it doesn’t look obvious. Like maybe gift all your sister’s some girly spa items. Not necessary, but could help with any backlash that may come. He sounds like a complete creep! I worry for your sister.” Monalot-a
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ – Your family’s secret Santa is not the place to take out your dislike of J in this weird passive-aggressive way. I also think you’re giving your sister too much of a free pass. If she helped write the breakup email then she chose to date this guy knowing he was already in a relationship.
She chose to marry him and honestly, the vibe I’m getting from your details is that they deserve each other.” 40DegreeDays
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I got my ex-BIL’s name one year. I usually pride myself on being a good gift-giver, but I didn’t want to give him anything enjoyable.
And I wouldn’t be seeing him at Christmas so it was just something to be delivered. I got him socks and a coffee mug because those two things are usually considered the most boring gifts you can get and that was exactly my point in choosing them.
Every time I saw him for two years after that he raved about these gifts, especially the socks, and asked for the link so he could get more…..” fritosandbeer
5. AITJ For Confronting My Mom And Brother About His Constant Negative Opinions Of Me?
“My (21F) little brother (17M) always has something to say about me.
My makeup, hair, clothes, shoes, everything. No matter what I do he has an opinion. I could sit with friends at church and he still has a negative opinion.
So I go to the club every other Friday with some friends and it’s a planned thing, we have designated drivers and stuff like that.
So we go to the club and have fun and drink and dance. The thing is my little brother knows I go to the club cause my mom tells him everything I tell her and he gets upset. He’s called me a lot of things, much aligning with the fact that I’m a “loose woman.” I never go home with anyone sure maybe I’ll get a Snapchat or two from other girls in the club that I’ve met and hung out with, and I’ve definitely helped some people get home from the club.
And my mom allows it, she tells him playfully to shut up but other than that he pretty much gets away with it. I told her that he needs to cut it out because he’s acting like I don’t have my own job, pay my own bills, and go to school.
I get good grades and have never been late to work. She told me I was acting like a jerk because he’s just trying to “protect me”.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I have already pinpointed the problem. It’s your mother. Stop telling her everything, because she is telling him everything and you don’t know what she actually tells him when you’re away.
You don’t know if she is adding her opinion or manipulating the situation. Don’t tell her things. And start confronting him. If he tells you something, tell him to mind his own business.” journeyintopressure
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you are an adult and old enough to not allow yourself to be affected and bothered by what your 17-year-old little brother says or thinks.
Tune him out. Stop reacting to his comments and stop feeding into it. I suspect he gets a rise out of knowing his comments bug you, and that gives him incentive to keep doing it. Sit your mother and brother down and let them know that this nonsense needs to stop.
You are an adult and able to make your own decisions and choices. You do not find their meddling to be acceptable and you are telling them to stop, NOW. You don’t want or need your brother’s opinions or judgments and you don’t need your mother allowing him to continue with his wisecracks.
Let them know that if it doesn’t stop, you’ll be looking for other living arrangements as you expect your privacy to be respected.” Aggressive_Cattle320
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s not trying to protect you. He’s the one you need protecting from. Women don’t need men to protect them if the men in their lives aren’t being jerks.
If your mother genuinely believes in that whole “men should protect women” idea though, maybe tell her that what you need protection from is name-calling and judgemental nonsense. Ask her why her son is not protecting the women in his life from the degrading treatment that is dished out to you at home.
Sure, it’s just words, but if he’s saying words like this when he’s just 17 and kept by his mother, think how awful he’ll be when he’s paying his own way.” Maleficent_Spite8337
4. AITJ For Wanting To Quit The Family Business Due To My Dad's Partner's Actions?
“My dad owns an auto shop. His new partner has literally robbed him and the company blind. I’ve tried talking to him, (she has a criminal history of identity theft and fraudulent checks by the way), and he is either too dumb to see what’s happening or he doesn’t want to believe it.
His previous wife passed away in 2021. The company was super successful until the new partner. I’ve tried to stick it out and try to help him but I feel like I’m just talking to a wall.
Now we’re paying our employees late because we can’t come up with payroll (me included in the late pay).
I’m conflicted because I care about him and he always said I would take over and keep the business going, but at the same time I live paycheck to paycheck and not knowing when I’m going to get paid is nonsense. I am really good at separating business and family, but when my bills aren’t getting paid because I’m not getting paid, business and personal are starting to blend in a negative way.
I feel like if I don’t quit now, this may end up messing up our family relationship because I’m getting bitter, but if I quit, he may be the one that’s bitter. Also, I kind of feel like if I quit, the business will be done within a year’s time.
I feel bad about that too. Am I a jerk for quitting?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve got to do what’s best for you. Living paycheck to paycheck is miserable, and not knowing if you’ll get a paycheck is worse. I feel bad about your father’s business, but judging from what you posted. Even if you stayed the business is going to decline unless something drastic changes.
I’ve got to ask, does the partner work for your father? For example payroll or something.” laniaexpress
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for quitting and taking care of your needs before your dad’s. It sucks, but you need to be in a stable place before you can be someone stable your dad could rely on, which seems like it’s coming sooner or later.
But if your dad is expecting you to take over the shop, and you want and expect that too, then what is stopping you from taking it over now and putting a stop to partner’s schemes that way? It might not be the right time, or it might be the wrong move, that’s up to you.
What you have to do, on your way out, is point out to your dad that his partner is taking all of the money from the shop, and there is nothing to inherit there until she’s out of the way. And you can’t wait. Quit, find a new job, go see your dad on Sundays, and keep an eye on him.
Keep one of his old shirts at your house, so when the partner takes the shirt off his back, you’ve got one to spare.” rockology_adam
Another User Comments:
“Is the partner robbing him merely conjecture on your part, or do you have “receipts?” If you have them, have you shown him actual, physical evidence?
You will not be the jerk if you have provided this information to him, he still chooses to willfully ignore it, and you then leave the business. When you do this, if it comes to that, you must explain to him that because he is choosing to believe a woman he has known for a short period of time, over you, his son, and you are being affected by this financially and emotionally, it has now reached the point where you must leave.
Presumably, you will have been job-searching and have something else lined up to start in 2 weeks, therefore, giving your dad the option that you can stay on for 2 weeks while he finds your replacement.” anitarielleliphe
3. AITJ For Wanting To Return Another Ill-Considered Gift From My Partner?
“My birthday is around the corner and my significant other surprised me with an outing with some close family members at a nice restaurant and then we went back to our house to cap off the evening with drinks, cake, and some gifts.
As I opened up gifts, I had a smorgasbord of things that would be enjoyed – mostly small snacks (candies and jerky) as well as small gift cards for local food places I can run to on the way home on longer workdays instead of worrying about what I’d have to cook when getting home.
All in all, they know me pretty well.
The problem arises with my partner and his gift-giving. He is VERY materialistic and thinks if the gift is not a big or well-known brand then it is not worth having or giving. A few examples over the years:
– One year he got me a coat with a fur-lined hood that while it was a nice coat, was 100% not something I’d ever wear or showed interest in wearing. I’m basically like King Midas’ pigpen cousin – everything I touch gets dirty immediately, hence I tend to buy cheaper things that I do not mind getting worn and torn.
– Another year he got me a “Puma” outfit which consisted of mostly white with some black trim shoes that were a bit too tight and a hoodie that was at least one size too small. Had to return and get a bigger size shoe, but they did not have the next size up hoodie for that style which is likely why he got the smaller size at the time.
– Last year he got me a Keurig coffee maker which I had heard good things about but came to realize was not ideal for me for two reasons: 1) It was much larger than my current coffee maker, and would not easily fit on the counter under the shelves and 2) It would either make a single serving cup via a pod, or an entire pot which felt like a waste when I would basically just have two cups in the morning.
For the Keurig, I ended up telling him to return it, but it was already outside of the return window because he had bought it way early and just had it waiting to give so I ended up giving it to his mother instead who had a small coffee business at the time.
Thought that was the end of it…
..Until today.
He got me some nice cologne and a nice hoodie (though too small again) however the main gift he got me was another coffee maker. This time a Ninja brand but almost the exact same footprint as the Keurig where it will not easily fit under the shelf and I’d have to turn it sideways where it is teetering on the sink lip for the plug to reach.
He’s already commented how it was expensive and I better not want to return it like the last one. I feigned excitement since we had other family members over, but after seeing how big it is and it is likely going to be the same issue as the Keurig I have no intention of using it.
I am 100% fine with my $30 Mr. Coffee and do not need one with all the different brewing modes and other bells & whistles.
So, WIBTJ if I told him I want to return it while it’s still in the return period?”
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ.
But what I’m so baffled about is – does this guy not have eyes? From your post, it sounds as if you do most of the food sourcing, but still, he lives there too, right? He must know where the plug is in the kitchen.
I’m not even getting into the sizes of the clothes because that just sounds like he lazily gets his presents in an “eh, will probably do” kind of way, which lines up with the part where I knew how many cups of coffee my last significant other drank within a couple of weeks, and he somehow doesn’t consider your coffee habits at all.” MsWuMing
Another User Comments:
“WNBTJ. Even if he’s materialistic, it’s a common sense thing to buy the correct size clothes & appliances. I find it highly unlikely that he makes the same poor-fit choices (clothing or appliances) when buying expensive items for himself. I also think it’s unlikely that he’d appreciate getting expensive gifts that don’t work, don’t fit, or he finds aesthetically repulsive enough to shove in the back of a closet.
He seems to view you as a prop rather than a person. He doesn’t even care about your feelings or your enjoyment of your bday present. He cares about his feelings about money and the image he wants to project as the giver. He cares about controlling your response to that projection.
There’s a serious problem going on that has nothing to do with crappy gifts.” Here_IGuess
Another User Comments:
“People would call you ungrateful for not accepting gifts because they’re expensive and you should appreciate the money they spent. My ex-wife would do the same and bought me a Rolex watch one year.
I’m a carer, I’m not allowed to wear it. I work more than I’m at home not to mention we live in a fairly rough area and if I leave the house wearing it I’m very likely to be mugged. I had told her many times that I had no need or want for a watch.
I felt bad when she gave it to me because they’re so expensive but I really did not like it and felt ignored as I had told her this before. My current fiancée is the opposite. She writes on her notes app every time I say I like something or don’t like something and she gets me less expensive gifts but they mean so much more to me purely because of the thought and effort she’s put into them.” JaydenKings19
2. AITJ For Calling My Cousin's Ex To Pick Up Their Baby After She Left Me Babysitting Overnight Without Notice?
“I (15F) used to be really close with my cousin, C (17F), who had her daughter, P, last year. Since we’re close in age, I’ve always supported her, especially during her pregnancy and unstable relationship with P’s dad. I’ve spent time with P a lot—taking her to the park or the gallery—and when C asked me to babysit one evening while she went out with friends, I agreed because I love both of them.
Everything went fine until 11:30, the time C said she’d be back. She didn’t show up, didn’t call, and didn’t answer my texts. Since P was asleep, I decided to wait, assuming she lost track of time. But hours passed with no word from C, which wasn’t like her, so I got really worried. I tried contacting her friends and checking her location, but she’d turned it off.
This was odd since she’d always shared her location with me.
Finally, she texted around 3:00 AM saying she was staying over at a friend’s because it was late, and she didn’t want to pay for a taxi. By this point, I was exhausted and upset—C had left me in the dark and essentially made me watch P all night without asking.
If she had communicated her plans, I might’ve agreed, but it felt unfair to assume I’d stay, especially since I’m only 15.
At first, I decided to wait it out until morning and talk to C later, but P woke up screaming, and I couldn’t get her back to sleep.
Feeling overwhelmed, I called P’s dad (C’s ex) for help. After explaining the situation, he came over with his mom to pick up P. I texted C to let her know where P was and stayed on her sofa for the night, planning to leave in the morning.
When I woke up, I had no response from C, so I went home and told my parents, who supported my decision. Later, C called me, furious, accusing me of betrayal and saying I’d “sided” with her ex. She also claimed I had dragged P into her issues with him.
Despite trying to explain my perspective, she hung up. A few days later, she sent a long message reiterating how hurt she felt and blaming me for breaking her trust.
Since then, I’ve been bombarded with messages from C’s friends and even my aunt, saying I shouldn’t have called her ex and should’ve just stayed the night.
But I’m confused because P regularly sees her dad, has stayed at his house before, and I never agreed to watch her overnight.
Was I wrong to call P’s dad and not wait it out? Or was I right to do what I did?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your cousin was taking advantage of you. No responsible mother would fail to answer her phone when her baby is being watched by someone. If there had been a medical emergency, that would have been too much pressure on you. I am thinking your cousin didn’t tell you that she was planning on staying out all night because she thought you might have refused to watch her child.
Her behavior was totally irresponsible. You tried to get ahold of her and when she didn’t answer, you called the baby’s father. She is acting like you just went home, leaving the baby alone in the house with the front door wide open.
You did the responsible thing. Don’t let their comments upset you. She is just feeling guilty and probably embarrassed for setting you up for an overnight babysitting without warning you.” 77Megg77
Another User Comments:
“You broke her trust? Hun, SHE broke YOURS. You’re 15, had no clear communication, no way to see when she’d be back until super late in the night… Honestly, I don’t think I would have been able to have had such a clear mind at 15, to contact her ex, among the stress of the lack of contact, the baby crying, etc. You were responsible.
Did the right things. Still kept a mature sense of mind through all of this. Honestly? Even though I don’t know you, I’m proud of how you handled everything. What I DON’T like is how your cousin, aunt, and cousin’s friends are basically harassing you, making you out to be the bad person in all of this.
Don’t let them drag you down though, or let them make you think that you did wrong. Them being upset at you makes no sense to me, especially since P has been at her dad’s house before. Because of this, you being told that you’re “dragging P through your cousin’s issues with her ex” makes no sense to me.
NTJ. I hope this’ll all wind down soon and you’ll be able to relax and not deal with this any longer.” GenderedPhoenix
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your cousin horribly took advantage of you and your generosity (taking care of her child for free). Like you said, if she was going to be late, then she should have called and told you.
Not only was that unfair to you, but it’s a sign that she might not be mature enough to be a parent. You are only 15, and it’s not your child. Being a mom means that your cousin is now “owed” a night out. One thing your cousin should not learn – having been betrayed by her now, you should not babysit for her again, since you cannot trust her to keep her promises as to when she will come back.
One thing where you know you are in the right – she is having her friends (and her mother) bombard you with messages. When people know they have lost the argument, they will try to win it by outsourcing harassment. Not only is it a sign they know they are wrong, but it is a morally bankrupt and immature thing to do.” bamf1701
1. AITJ For Confronting My Partner About His Poor Dental Hygiene?
“I F(19) have been seeing my partner M(20) for almost a year and there’s something about him that lately has been becoming more noticeable.
I have a few different versions of OCD but one of them is smells (trust me, I’m aware of how goofy it sounds). I hate bad smells. Body odor is so high on that list I’m a freak about it. I take hygiene so seriously I can’t deal with being dirty/smelling dirty.
That’s just some key background to why this is so serious to me and why I may have overreacted.
Now my partner smokes a lot. Now when we started seeing each other I’d mostly smell the substance on him, and coming from a strict religious home, I knew that was a habit I’d have to nip in the bud so quickly.
So that’s all I’d really smell. After he slightly got the clue he would stop smelling so strongly, I unfortunately started smelling something odd. I couldn’t figure out what it was but it was with him. And one day I pointed out he had food on his teeth and he got it off and stretched open his mouth wide and to my absolute disgust and horror: he had plaque on the bottom of his teeth that was bright yellow.
Honestly, I was repulsed. After that I was trying to subtly help it out, got him matching mouthwashes with me, tongue scrapers, and a water flosser all under saying “It’s best to get into the same routine now, so it’s easier to combine our schedules” or whatever lie.
I just needed it to be better.
But it didn’t get better. His teeth are like magnets to food and food sticks there and when I point it out to him, he wipes it away. But the more I had to tell him the more I fixated on his teeth, and as a result, he started to get annoyed/embarrassed even though I’d tell him privately just to help him out.
I understand it could be seen as rude but honestly, why would I want to kiss someone and end up getting crumbs or food particles that have been sitting in there for who knows how long??
Anyway, the other day I pointed out he had food on his teeth and he wiped it and I noticed his gums were bleeding.
“Why’d you wipe so rough?” I said to him. He said he didn’t but then I got that weird smell I always smell around him occasionally and I asked if he brushed his gums. He told me he did and I mentioned usually not brushing your gums often causes them to become very easily antagonized, which he responded; “I know how to brush my teeth.” I don’t know what came over me, but I said “Are you sure?” and I couldn’t take it back.
He immediately asked what I meant so begrudgingly, I told him about the smell, the plaque, and the sticky feeling he’d leave after kissing my neck, cheek, or lips.
He told me that I was rude for saying he didn’t know how to brush his teeth and plaque was just normal. I told him yes it’s normal but he has yellow plaque that’s built up.
He said I was focusing too much on something so small but I told him that cleanliness is important to me.
Now he’s mad at me but I don’t think I was rude or wrong. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This litany of unhygienic behavior really made me feel nauseated to be honest. “I was trying to subtly help it out, got him matching mouthwashes with me, tongue scrappers, and a water flosser all under saying “It’s best to get into the same routine now, so it’s easier to combine our schedules.”” And it sounds like you really were as tactful as can be.
He needs to get a dental check asap. Build up of plaque like that is not normal, especially in a 20 y o. He should also have regular hygienist appts. It’ll cost but not as much as tooth loss & decay.” Apart-Ad-6518
Another User Comments:
“EHS.
“Now when we started seeing each other I’d mostly smell the substance on him, and coming from a strict religious home, I knew that was a habit I’d have to nip in the bud so quickly.” You knew he was a smoker when you started seeing him, but this wording makes it sound like he’s a child or a dog you’re training.
It feels like you’re looking at him with the hopes of changing him which isn’t sustainable in a relationship. Tooth hygiene is SUPER important though, it’s a good indicator of overall health and he shouldn’t be pushing back the way he is. Substance use causes dry mouth which can lead to a whole lot of gum disease so even if he is doing an “ok” brush, issues can be exacerbated by his smoking.
He may just not be willing to change things about himself even for the better and no amount of prodding will help (actually it may just make him double down).” Strazdiscordia
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ve had a full-blown phobia of the dentist for 40 years.
I was held down for a filling as a child when I started to panic suddenly after never having been afraid of the dentist before that day. I’m working on it, and don’t need to be medicated anymore just to get a silly little cleaning, but it took years to get there.
And I still get anxiety/diarrhea when I have an appointment coming up. The longest I’ve ever gone without a dentist was five years (18-23), and the tartar was a BEAR to remove. I’ve had a zillion issues, too, in the last two decades.
I’m a regular at my dentist now, even though I don’t have insurance! I’m paying dearly for the lack of care in my early adulthood. To the tune of $1700 root canals and $1500 crowns. The cleaning/X-rays at $300 is nothing! All that to say…my breath was AWFUL FOR YEARS, and I knew how to brush my teeth well!
If you don’t brush AND floss AND have your teeth cleaned at LEAST once every year, your breath smells. Thank god my late husband hung in there with me during those years. Try to find out why he doesn’t go to the dentist regularly.
If it’s fear, Valium is the best thing. At least it was for me. Took all of my fear away. Couldn’t drive until the next day lol, but I could actually force myself into going (with a ride). Now I can get by with a fantastic dentist, lots of knowledge from said dentist, and jamming specific tunes into my earbuds that make me feel brave/courageous.
No medications needed anymore. Took me until I was about 37 to stop needing to be medicated though.” BuildingAFuture21
