People Face New Challenges In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
21. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit My Brother's Kids While He Cleans His Apartment?
“I (17f) have an older brother (26M) with two young kids (3f and 1M). Due to some marital problems, he is currently living with me and my dad, and other brothers.
The kids rotate two weeks here and two weeks with their mom. While he is working during the week, I watch the kids (for free, I might add) and he watches them on his days off and after work.
This weekend, he and my dad asked me to watch them for the day so they could clean out his apartment.
I told them that I really didn’t want to and that I feel overwhelmed watching them so much, more so since my niece has started calling me mom. I love the kids but they are not mine and I don’t want to be responsible for them all the time.
It feels like I’m basically their parent at this point. My dad and brother are annoyed with me for saying no because there’s not anyone else to watch them and I feel a bit guilty now. I know they need my help but I also need a break and I want to be able to enjoy my last few weeks of summer.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And stop watching them during the week. Assuming you have school starting in a month or so, they need a plan for childcare well before you return to school. Tell your dad and brother that they need to make childcare arrangements immediately because you aren’t giving up your education for them.” teresajs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. 8 billion people in the world. You aren’t the only one who can watch them. Given the way they are taking you for granted, I think it’s time to find a summer… well, an August job. McD’s, Subway, anything.
Your reward for watching five days for free needs to be something other than watching them for a sixth day for free.” jdogx17
Another User Comments:
“Not going to be popular but soft YTJ. It wasn’t like they were asking you to watch the kids so they could go out.
Maybe doing it when the kids are with their mom doesn’t work. Is the mom in the apartment that brother is moving out of? If so it would make sense to have the kids around or involved. If possible do it this time, but let them know this is it for a bit.
NTJ for asking for time off, but this isn’t a “play date” or “social” activity. It’s to help him move stuff.” Appropriate-Pound-32
20. AITJ For Not Telling My Mom About My Doctor's Appointment?
“I 16m told my mum that tomorrow Dad’s (they’re divorced) taking me to the doctor for something.
She asks what and I told her I’d rather not talk about it, she asks if my dad knows and I say yes.
She then starts saying that I need to tell her because I’m worrying her and that if I don’t tell her I’ll be stressing her out which isn’t good for anyone’s health.
(She’s perfectly healthy to my knowledge not like this would seriously harm her.)
And that she’s really upset I would “trust” my dad more than her? I told her it had nothing to do with that and that I just don’t want to talk to her about it.
She then went back to the other point saying how it’s cruel I’m not telling her knowing she’s worrying. I told her it’s not serious at all but she said that doesn’t help.
Then the conversation ends with her saying she can’t believe someone would treat their own mother that way.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re allowed to keep some things private. Just tell her you’re okay, and she doesn’t need to worry, but you’re uncomfortable talking about it with multiple people. If she can’t respect that, it’s her issue, not yours.
The whole “trusting your dad more” is guilt-tripping, and not okay.” AdSweaty7131
Another User Comments:
“This is odd. I don’t buy that your mother would find out that you went to the doctor. It sounds like you told her this info just to hurt her.
You could’ve kept it a secret but you chose not to. Then you won’t tell her what for. Seems really passive-aggressive. Are there reasons you are being like this?” violetauto
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. She is trying to play the “because I’m your mother” card, but obviously hasn’t done anything to cultivate an open and honest relationship with you.
If you didn’t want to tell her, then you should have crafted a better plan. Telling her that you are going to the doctor with your father whom you have confided in was obviously going to cause a controversy. In the future, make other plans to go along with the plans you don’t want to divulge.
Like going out to eat or shopping with your father. Then go do that and also the thing you don’t want to discuss. Problem solved. Nobody has hurt feelings.” Sandman0312
19. AITJ For Wanting To Change My Name Despite My Estranged Father's Disapproval?
“I grew up with a very abusive mother. I recently became independent at 18 and my estranged father contacted me.
My mother told me he was dead and I thought this until he reached out.
We began developing a father/daughter relationship for about a year. Before meeting him I had always wanted to change my name since I never want to associate with my abusive mother again.
I told my father this and he immediately got upset that I didn’t take his last name.
I explained that I didn’t feel comfortable identifying with his family name since I barely know him and I wanted to pick a name that was 100% my choice.
My dad is calling me immature, and disrespectful to him, and says that I’m simply “running away from my past”. He’s adamant about me taking his last name and is ignoring the part when I said this was something that was going to make me happy.
He also called it “cancel culture” for some reason?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And while he was initially on his best behavior getting to know you, I suspect that your father is now showing a bit more of his true colors. He’s self-centered and selfish, and there was probably a good reason your mother (despite her problems) didn’t have anything to do with him for years.
He cares more about his pride than your happiness. Do what you want. You owe him nothing – if he’d wanted to, and cared about you, he could have tried to go to court to get visitation, or paid child support all these years, or set aside money to give you when you were 18 to make up for not caring for you as a child if he wasn’t allowed to help while you were a minor.
He likes the status, now, of being able to show off his adult child, since it doesn’t involve any of the responsibility that comes with actually being an active parent to a growing child. He’s been giving you pretty words now, but his actions for the first 18 years of your life say more than any words that may now come out of his mouth.” Jazzlike_Humor3340
Another User Comments:
“He contacted you at age 18? Where has he been? He could have gotten a court to let him see you when you were younger unless there was no paternity test and he didn’t want to be acknowledged so he would not have to pay child support.
You have very legitimate reasons for not taking his last name but he wants you “tied” to him by last name? Now that you are 18, are you working, has he asked for money? Seems odd that he has just now contacted you and is making demands!
Please be careful he doesn’t try to use you or otherwise take advantage of the relationship.” Remote-Pain-584
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Going from one abusive relationship to another. Your father doesn’t get to dictate your life any more than your mother does. Obliviously your dad knew how to contact you before you became an adult but decided to wait until some legalities had expired. You’re not running from anything you’re trying to change a name that makes you happy that isn’t associated with your past. Screw that guy and do what makes you happy and leave both of those dumpster fires in the past.” TypicalAd3575
18. AITJ For Not Asking About My Ex-Husband's Visible Bruises?
“I (32F) and my ex-husband (35M) share a daughter (8).
I always mind my business and don’t ask questions beyond what’s related to our child during exchanges. So a few days ago, while exchanging our daughter, he had bruises which were quite noticeable and fresh. I didn’t ask, because quite frankly it’s none of my business.
I was getting ready to leave with our daughter and he then started telling me about his bruises and how he got them from apparently playing with our daughter. I said, oh sorry to hear and I told our daughter to play gently next time and we left.
He’s now making me feel like a jerk for not asking about his quite apparent and visible bruises. My daughter didn’t even say anything about it and was ready to go when I arrived. My family and friends say I should have at least asked if he was ok, but I don’t think it’s my business unless it involves our daughter.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s your ex-husband. You’re not his wife, mother, physician, or boss. You did your part by asking your daughter to be gentler next time. Personally, if I notice a sign of injury on someone that I know, I’ll throw them the safe question of, “Are you okay?” It’s their choice if they want to provide an explanation or not.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your responsibility is towards your daughter and to make sure she is taken care of. All you need to do is to assure her she can share anything with you, even if she did make a mistake to tell you. A lot of time when a child makes a mistake they are afraid and others with malicious intent use that to control children.
As per your ex, you don’t owe him anything, personally, it feels rather odd the way he behaves. I say not put your nose in others’ business, but if it’s your daughter might wanna keep an eye out.” findinglifepurpose
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If he’s acquired bruises due to an interaction with your daughter that is concerning, then it’s on him to tell you about it.
If they’ve been acquired from an accident with your daughter then it wouldn’t hurt for him to mention the incident details but probably not absolutely necessary. And if they’ve been acquired by any other means it’s absolutely none of your business.
It’s not like there’s any concern that he’s some helpless victim and needs help and support to escape an abusive relationship with an 8-year-old!!” kiwifarmdog
17. AITJ For Not Letting My Sister Use My Ramen Bowl While I Was Still Eating From It?
“When we lived in our old house, my stepdad bought me a square bowl with handles. It was a bowl made specifically for making ramen.
One day I used the bowl to make ramen for lunch. My sister (9 at the time) came in and decided she wanted to make ramen. She had asked me if she could use the bowl. I said when I was done eating I would clean it and give it to her.
She insisted on having it at that moment so I said she could use a normal bowl and that I’m eating out of that one.
My mom said I was being a jerk just to mess with her and to give her the bowl. So I had to dump my food into a new and clean bowl.
A couple of years later and it’s STILL an argument.
So, am I the jerk for arguing about it?”
Another User Comments:
“I remember when I made one portion of oatmeal and my brother wanted some and I knew he wouldn’t like it but my mother MADE me give him some, and he wouldn’t eat it and then I didn’t have a full serving.
That was about 55 years ago. These injustices just sting. The moment I saw the title of your post, I remembered the oatmeal. Parents can be so unfair. Someone said that parents don’t care about justice, they just want quiet. You are NTJ.” InternationalKick126
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Show your mom this lol. Your sis was nine and being selfish at that age is excusable; manners are still being learned. Your mom, however… just wow. who does that?? Who, besides your mom, says “give up your bowl” that you are currently using just so your sister can ..
what, say she didn’t use a regular bowl? It’s like favoritism mixed with insanity. Good luck.” MikeMiller8888
Another User Comments:
“INFO: Is that one of those bowls that are made for cooking ramen in? That is, you put the ramen in the bottom, fill the water up to the line, and then cook in microwave?
So basically, you were eating out of the cooking utensil? (Sort of like eating out of the saucepan?) And you were telling your sister that she couldn’t use the cooking utensil because you were eating out of it?” PrivateEyes2020
16. AITJ For Not Celebrating Mother's Day After My Miscarriage?
“I told my mother I would not be visiting her this year for Mother’s Day. I have an older sister who will be spending the day with our mom. Every year we make a big deal around Mother’s Day, I usually bring flowers, gifts, and heartfelt messages.
I just can’t do it this year.
I had a miscarriage a month ago, it’s still very emotional for me. It was my first pregnancy and I was supposed to announce it to my family on Mother’s Day.
At first, my mother told me she understood but as the day got closer, she kept asking me about it to see if I changed my mind.
I feel bad for not celebrating her like she deserves but I don’t feel like a daughter, I feel like a bereaved mother.
I literally told her “I can’t, I just had a miscarriage” and she told me “I’m still your mother.”
She doesn’t get it.
I probably don’t get it either.
My sister thinks I should think of myself first, and my husband thinks I should get her a small gift on a different day.
I really need some insight into the situation.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ask your husband to order her some flowers from you and call it a day.
If she complains tell her that she is being a poor mother by pushing this and not caring about your feelings so she doesn’t deserve to be honored for Mother’s Day. I’m totally kidding about that last sentence, but when my mom is not respecting boundaries I often imagine saying things like that and it cracks me up so I wanted to hopefully add some levity.
I’m really sorry for your loss. I had my first miscarriage around Mother’s Day and absolutely just wanted to bury my head in the sand. I got myself a beautiful piece of jewelry to commemorate my baby as a gift for my first Mother’s Day.
Even though your baby isn’t here you’re still a mom and have every right to celebrate/be honored as such. I wasn’t up for a celebration but the jewelry helped me a lot.” Affectionate_Ask_769
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need time to grieve. I agree with your sister on this one.
Maybe your husband can pick something out for your mom and a card and drop it off or send it. The last thing you need is to be forced to celebrate Mother’s Day when your pregnancy just ended. Good luck to you and please know how common it is to miscarry and to have deep grief and depression about it.
It isn’t talked about much, but that doesn’t mean it is not important and meaningful to you and those who love you need to respect what you are going through.” Pragmaticethicist
Another User Comments:
“Oh, friend — I’m so sorry. I have been where you are and it’s so hard.
I think both your sister and husband are right. Perhaps on Friday, send/drop off a gift for your mom with a card (can you drop it off with your sister?); or you can do it any other time. I don’t know if your mother ever experienced a pregnancy loss, but if she did, it’s likely she was told “this just happens, get on with life”.
Heck, I received some comments like this and it was so hurtful, and this was 16 years or so ago. NTJ. Take the time you need to grieve your baby, okay? Gently, would also recommend “Unspeakable Losses” by Kim Kluger-Bell. This book helped me immensely in framing what was happening, that I had a right to grieve, and how complex grief of a pregnancy loss is.
Your mom is probably worried about you and wants you to be well, she likely wishes she could take this pain from you. What I’m saying here is that, even if she’s being pushy about this, she probably needs some reassurance. I’m not saying that’s a reasonable ask on her part, but that may be where her persistence is coming from.
If not, I apologize. In any case, take care of yourself right now in ways which work for you.” [deleted]
15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Name My Baby After Its Father?
“I am three months pregnant with my second child.
I haven’t found out the gender yet but if it’s a boy the baby daddy has demanded that I name him after him. I don’t want to say his real name so let’s just call him Mark. So if the baby was a boy he wants his name to be ‘Mark Junior’.
I understand that it would mean a lot to him being the firstborn son but I just can’t stand the name and really don’t want that as the baby’s first name. I would happily have it as the baby’s middle name but he flat-out rejected that idea and said that if it’s a boy we’re naming him ‘Mark Junior’ or I shouldn’t keep the baby.
Am I the jerk for thinking this is just ridiculous or am I being inconsiderate of him? I just don’t understand the need for such control.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ RED FLAG. Name it what I say or end it?? Do not be with this man, he’s a disgusting individual. This topic has come up in AITJ before.
If the guy is not someone you are married to, is not a good person, is not involved with the baby, has other children he does not support and maintain a good relationship with, has a history of violence, has a criminal record, and has serious financial issues.
If any of the above applies, do NOT name the baby after him. Having his father’s name would be harmful to him emotionally and socially. It would be a curse.” ArcheryOnThursday
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Please don’t let this man have any involvement with your child.
His attitude is HORRIFYING. You are not safe with this man, and neither is your child. He views you both as property, and his immediate leap to not keep the baby made my blood run cold. This is a man who sees nothing wrong with the threat of physical harm to obtain obedience.
Don’t put his name on the birth certificate. And don’t name your child after him. You don’t want your child to be a) punished for being a girl; b) punished for not being named after him; c) expected to be an exact replica of their terrible father as his ‘junior’.
Your child is a person of their own who is innocent and vulnerable. Please protect them.” Accomplished-Cheek59
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Naming a baby is often a difficult task for the couple. They have to compromise a lot. The normal process involves sharing ideas, getting upset, pausing, coming up with more ideas, getting a little bit tense, pausing, and so on.
The name of the baby is never a dream name for either person. But the biggest thing to remember is that this is exactly the dynamic that will be going on the entire time you have this partner and your parenting. So the maturity involved is something you have to develop slowly with each other because you care about each other and you want your child to grow up in a loving family where people have slowly figured out how to communicate and compromise.
This is one of the easiest things you’re going to deal with. If you want to exhibit the skills for your kids so that your kids can navigate their life well, you might want to figure out how to either get therapeutic help or figure together how to learn how to mature and communicate and compromise.” mcclgwe
14. AITJ For Defending A Homeless Customer From An Elderly Regular At My Job?
“I, (18 f) work later in the morning at a fast food restaurant and every morning we get a pretty good crowd of seniors.
I just switched from nights to mornings so I’m not very familiar with the regulars.
There’s this one old man who comes in often according to my coworkers and he has a problem with this one homeless guy who comes in a lot to buy coffee and something small to eat.
While I was serving someone in the drive-thru I could see the old man staring and giving dirty looks to the homeless man and it started to bother me but I didn’t know what to say.
My manager asked me to do a coffee round because when she does it the old man always complains about the homeless man being in the restaurant and I’m pretty abrasive and can’t stand when people are rude to others. When I reached his table he didn’t say anything about the homeless man but he did give me a dirty look when I reached the homeless man and gave him a refill on his coffee.
A few minutes later the homeless man stood up and walked near the front to get more cream/sugar for his coffee. The old man came storming up and started yelling at him saying “get out of here! You don’t belong in here! You’re here all the time and I’m sick of seeing you!”
I slammed my hands on the counter and said “that’s enough! Just because you have different financial situations doesn’t make you better than him! He’s a paying customer and he’s minding his own business. If you have a problem with him being here and keep giving him dirty looks or say one more rude thing then you can get out because we don’t tolerate harassment here.”
Then he said something about how I should respect old people and have better customer service skills so I told him “respect is earned not given” and then the old man sat down.
When he finished his coffee he said he was never coming back so I said “okay bye have the day you deserve!” and gave him a smile while waving.
I understand I should’ve spoken to him nicer because two wrongs don’t make a right but I hate my job and am sick of dealing with the disrespect that comes with working in fast food, especially from people who think I should respect them just because they’re elderly.
Plus the day prior I put in my two weeks’ notice.
So am I the jerk for yelling at him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – customer service is a thankless job. And also you’re so right… It’s exhausting seeing people harass others without consequence. You said your manager asked you to go over there because they didn’t even want to deal with this person?
And they knew you had an “abrasive personality?” Sounds like they wanted you to deal with him pretty much how you did. Or they knew that you had already put your 2 weeks in so anything you said would have been a little consequence to your job.” AlienElditchHorror
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I remember as a small child the anger and sadness I felt when I saw a homeless man getting kicked out of McDonald’s while he was just eating and not bothering anyone. I can still feel how strongly unjust that felt and how much it upset me.
If a 6-year-old girl from a sheltered middle-class upbringing can understand that homeless people belong and they need kindness, not be treated as an outcast, then senior guy with all of his life experience CERTAINLY should know better. Most of us are much closer to homelessness than we would like to admit and since karma has a funny sense of humor, I hope for that rude guy that he learned a lesson from your interaction before karma checks her receipts and decides to step in.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“You did the right thing. This entitled old man thinks he can degrade a paying customer, homeless or not. It’s none of his business. And when he yelled at you about respecting old men, you were respecting the older homeless man, nothing the screaming jerk.
I hate boomers who think they are entitled to judge others. It disgusts me that these old farts don’t give compassion and empathy to the poor but expect compassion and empathy when they are in need.” Dubiousgoober
13. AITJ For Offering My Micromanaging Co-Worker A Pill?
“I (26F) work full time as a GED teacher in a medium security men’s prison. I (unfortunately) have to share a desk with this older boomer lady (call her K), who seems to be having a hard time minding her own work.
She’ll literally just sit there and watch me while I’m working on my computer (the way we’re set up, our desks are next to each other so she’s sitting next to me). I’ll come into work some days and she’ll be already there at her computer, asking me if I have submitted my required stuff to our boss yet.
I haven’t even sat down, and yet she’s already feeling the need to ‘check-up’ on me like I’m some young child. I started working for the DOC as a teacher 6 months ago, and yet because I’m now at a different unit, she’s assuming I don’t actually know how to do my job.
When she’d ask me, I’d respond with “yes, I know exactly what I need to do every day and don’t need to be reminded all the time.” She’d then get defensive and claim that she’s just trying to be helpful & wants to make sure I’m getting everything done, then walk out of the office with a hurt look on her face.
She’d also ask me if I remembered to hold up my badge to the security box window when leaving the facility (a standard procedure that I’m PERFECTLY aware of). I told her “yes, I’ve been working in the prisons for 6 months now.
I’m perfectly aware of what I need to do.” I tried having an honest conversation with my boss about how her micromanaging is affecting me, but all my boss did was side with her, tell me to suck it up, and then tell me to “just be more teachable because I’m newer”……..she’s only been with the DOC 2 months more than I have.
On Friday, K was at it again, so as she started to peek at my screen, I asked her if she would like one of my focus-enhancing pills. I said “Hey, would you like me to grab you one of my focus-enhancing pills? I have a stash in my car, and I’m more than happy to grab you one if you’d like one!” K looked shocked and said no thank you.
I replied “Are you sure? They really help me focus, and I think they just might be able to help you focus a lot better on your work since you seemed to be too distracted by how I’m doing mine! Are you sure? It’s not at all a problem and please know, I’m just trying to be helpful and make sure you get everything done before we go home on break!”
She looked constipated, got up, and left the room. I don’t know whether or not she told my boss, but WIBTJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“I know you really want that awful Boomer to be the jerk but time to bust out the red nose and makeup because you are the only bozo in this situation.
Ba-dum-hiss. She’s annoying? Fine. What you do is you go to your boss over and over again, telling them you need to move to a different desk, until they actually do so. You don’t offer a controlled substance. We all get frustrated. Anyone who’s been in the workforce for any length of time has had to deal with difficult personalities.
Sometimes we don’t have a lot of control over how things are handled, but there is one key ingredient to navigate those times and that is maturity. So while she might be a stupid boomer, with a constipated face, you’ve proven to be the one with a LOT to learn.
YTJ.” Lidowoahohohoh
Another User Comments:
“Ummmm I can’t say you were the jerk but my God that was such a dumb move…your annoyance with her and frustration that you couldn’t get support from your boss is valid but you just blew up any ground you had to stand on.
This can be something that costs you your job. I understand the sarcasm but this can be twisted into something much bigger, you need to be careful with what you say at work.” Plastic-Shallot8535
Another User Comments:
“I’m tempted to say you’re not the jerk because I respect you standing your ground.
Being micromanaged is incredibly annoying, so I get the urge to say something. Your choice of words, however… I don’t think offering an uptight coworker a controlled substance was a good idea. That’s where I’m struggling. She’s definitely annoying, and I don’t doubt you know how to do your job, but you can’t be that reckless in retaliation either.
Both are jerks here.” Candid_Court7808
12. AITJ For Being Frustrated With My Nephew Who May Be On The Spectrum?
“I (30M) have 11 nieces and nephews and I love them all very much. I’m generally an extremely patient guy and am very used to babysitting them all for days or even weeks at a time (vacations, trips, etc.).
They range from 5 months to 11 years old and all in between. I’m generally considered great with kids and can handle them with minimal frustration… That is except for one…
My one nephew (he will be 2 in less than a month) has shown strong signs of being on the spectrum (not officially diagnosed).
I have two friends who are officially diagnosed as well as a relative who works with many people with mental disabilities/neurodivergencies who all say that he has most signs of being on the spectrum. He is extremely taxing on my nerves and patience in a way I’ve never experienced before.
He can be a very loving child but when he doesn’t get his way he throws a tantrum beyond what I’ve seen of any other kid. I can’t get him to listen to a thing I say and you can’t discipline him.
Anything you do to hinder him from doing EXACTLY what he wants to do in that moment (even for his safety) leads to INCONSOLABLE screaming. He also will scream and cry if his mother (32F) (AKA my sister) doesn’t hold him for at least 30 minutes to up to 2 hours at a time.
I realize none of this is his fault, I just can’t help but feel exhausted and fatigued any time I’m around him. It makes me feel guilty because I can’t connect with him like I do with the others and I try my hardest.
To be honest I’m mostly just frustrated with his parents, they act like he doesn’t have these neurodivergent proclivities and all is well. They then turn around and get so overwhelmed with him that it’s causing a strain on their mental health and relationship.
I’ve had a conversation with my sister that they should see a specialist and see if they diagnose him, but she’s terrified of him officially being on the spectrum like it’s a terrible thing. I’ve explained to her that if he is on the spectrum specialists can help her by providing information and how to navigate parenting in a way that is supportive and can get positive results.
Basically, they have to go about things in a different way to limit frustration. The problem is, she and my brother-in-law are very “shouty” people with short tempers and they seem to think he’ll eventually “snap out of it”. I (think) I know that if they accepted what most of us believe to be true, they would have a much easier time handling his eccentricities.
He would finally be understood in a way that could improve everyone’s quality of life (his especially).
Anytime I bring it up with a relative I either get a “I agree, but what do you do?” Or a “He can’t help it, why are you judging a toddler on their behavior?””
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you are entitled to your feelings. But given how young this child is I think you should stop pushing your sister to get him diagnosed. You have made your point already, so they know what you think. And you might very well be right that he is on the spectrum, but he is very little and things can also change a lot over time as a small child matures.
I also doubt there is much advice that will be so different from how to parent a normal 2-year-old. As he gets older, given you are right about him being autistic, it could definitely be valuable though, but it can wait a few years.” Lavish_Nimue
Another User Comments:
“I think it’s fair to find it hard work when a child does the things you describe your nephew doing. I’d be careful of language like ‘temper tantrums’ as you’re probably more likely witnessing a meltdown which comes after so much overwhelming sensory input that it becomes intolerable, and is especially distressing when you’re a small child who can’t really communicate what is wrong.
The world is overwhelming and confusing for all small children but when you’re autistic or have other conditions that cause sensory issues, this is amplified massively. For instance, his brain can be registering some sensory input as physical pain. And he doesn’t have the language to explain that, all he can do is react to the stimuli I really think you should keep pushing with your sister to seek a diagnosis for him.
Either he’s autistic or he’s not, avoiding finding out will not change him being autistic if that is the case. And if he’s not autistic there could be something else going on. Either way, he probably needs support to help him manage so he doesn’t have to become so distressed maybe it would help to find some autistic educators online that you can show to your sister.
I’m Autistic Now What? is a channel on YouTube that I enjoy. She wasn’t diagnosed until she was an adult and she does lots of educational content and talks about how diagnosis really helped her because she didn’t understand so many of her experiences as a child.” littlesomething18
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because it is very taxing handling a toddler with a harder time managing and understanding his emotions, but I would say if you want to have better engagement, look into how to help him process those emotions in a more manageable way.
Obviously, it’s not your responsibility to provide that support if you don’t want to, but for your own sanity, it might help. Reach out to your relative who works with neurodivergent individuals and ask them what they’d recommend or look up some stuff online from videos and articles, and maybe you can teach these methods to your sister too if they work.
I would hide the fact that some might be used specifically for neurodivergent children because that might scare her away from utilizing them. There’s also the need for tact when offering such advice, most parents don’t want to be told how to parent. Ultimately it’s up to you what you want to do, but it’s totally okay to feel that way especially if you’ve never spent time with autistic children before, as long as you’re not resenting the child or taking your frustrations out on him, which it sounds like you’re not.
I have an autistic sibling and some things require a lot of patience. Learning to navigate these difficulties well for both parties will make all the difference.” Beneficial-Meeting-9
11. AITJ For Refusing To Pay My Neighbor For His Private Security's Help During A Break-In?
“I live in a semi-nice area in a major city in the US. Lots of my neighbors are pretty well off.
Because of this, we have had issues the last year or so with vehicle prowling and break-ins. Several homes on my street have had their garage broken into. Much of the neighborhood has invested in security systems, including myself.
One of my neighbors, Dan, has gone a little further and has hired a private security company.
The company drives a marked car and does regular drive-by’s and perimeter checks of his property. I see them fairly often since Dan only lives 2 houses down from me. They are friendly and wave at us when they are in the neighborhood.
Three weeks ago, someone attempted to break into my garage while I wasn’t home.
My security system alerted me, and the siren from the alarm system was going off very loudly. This happened to be about the same time that the guard was doing his patrol. He heard my alarm, stopped his vehicle, and got out as the robber was coming out of my garage and started running.
The security guard chased the guy, but the robber got away. The guard called the police (my alarm system already had as well), and he waited for them to show up and gave his statement about what he saw. I turned over my security footage and everything to the police and got a report number.
The issue. Yesterday, right after I got home from work, I heard a knock on my door. I see on my camera that it’s Dan.
Side note- I don’t know Dan super well, we haven’t had any extended interaction other than friendly waves or brief chats when walking the dogs.
Right away he brings up the break-in incident. We share some ‘yeah it’s scary, thank god we have alarms’ chit-chat, and then he tells me that he feels I should pay a portion of his security costs for the month. I’m a little shocked by this and ask why.
He explains that the security guard who prevented the robbery from going any further was only in the neighborhood because he had paid them to be. He says the guard spent over an hour at my house waiting for the cops and giving a statement for the report etc.
I told him that I didn’t ask the guard to stop, he just happened to hear my siren going off and saw all my floodlights come on. I told him that the guard did call the cops, but it was after my security system had anyway.
He asked me for $300 to ‘make things fair’ since I benefited from the random security patrol that he had paid to be there. Basically, I don’t feel I owe him anything, and he’s just trying to get a few bucks out of me. He was obviously irritated and left right after.
He never said how much the guard service is in total for the month, so for all I know he’s trying to pawn off a month of service on me. My partner thinks I should just pay him to keep the peace, but I feel like I don’t owe anything and I think I’m gonna be stubborn about it.
So, WIBTJ if I just ignore Dan and not pay?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not wanting to pay. Dan has not gotten anyone else’s input or contribution or agreement to this private security detail, it seems, and he cannot demand compensation after the fact for ‘services’ the detail does that were not requested in any way.
Dan’s logic is not rational and it’s not fair. It seems like your perspective is that while it was nice for the security patroller to come assist, you would have been just as happy if Dan had never hired this security detail and no further assistance was provided, because you have already taken action to secure your property.
You should tell Dan this, pretty much. Try this: “Dan, I understand why you’ve hired a private security detail for yourself, but you should understand you hired it for yourself and not for the neighborhood. I already took appropriate preventative action to secure my home, so I do not plan to pay you for services provided that I did not request nor need. You may want to instruct your paid security team not to respond to events that happen outside your property if you face increased fees when that happens, or work with your neighbors to make arrangements in advance of what services the detail should provide and what their fees will be.”” owls_and_cardinals
Another User Comments:
“Your camera and alarm already called the police. Dan is only paying for “security theater”. And it’s clearly not working. Dan’s security didn’t know what was going on until your alarms went off and already called. Dan should pay for your notification and alarm system because his guy was completely useless before the alarm.
It would be more beneficial to install another camera or two for the $300 to see where the guys are getting into the neighborhood. If Dan’s security dressed in camouflage and told you what car they got into and the license plate then sure give him the money.
But any moron can sit in a vehicle and play security. PS – Dan is breaking into the homes. And requesting money from everyone.” 0KOKay
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Did they even steal $300 worth of stuff? This is the problem with all security. If you do nothing, you’ll get hit over and over and over and eventually, it breaks even.
If you put up a little security you’ll still get hit but they tend to be quick about it and not rob you blind so just one or two items. Private security seems kind of worthless in this situation because the alarm already successfully got them to move along quickly and not just park with a truck and load up everything in your garage.
If you pay $300/mo for a year for security, you could also replace a lot of stolen stuff here and there. It sounds like security was excessive relative to the threat.” im_thatoneguy
10. AITJ For Wanting To Move Out Despite Still Financially Supporting My Family?
“I’m a recent college graduate. Loved my time in college best 5 years of my life.
In my last 3 years I was an RA and had my own room and bathroom (no roommates) it felt like I had my own apartment. Anyway since graduating I have been slowly getting more and more depressed. I loved having my own space and while I love my family to death sometimes things can get heated between my mom and older sister and I hate having to play referee when things get hectic.
One of my college friends has a supervisor whose sister works at a dog-sitting company and was looking for a housing manager. Basically, I live at the house for free as long as I keep the place clean and take care of the dogs. The only thing I pay for is groceries and if I want to get my own internet.
I told my mom about it and she got furious that I was thinking about taking the offer. Mind you we aren’t super poor but we do kind of live paycheck to paycheck. I love my family and I even told them I would still help pay bills like I have been I just won’t live at the house.
I got called selfish and a disappointment all because I just want my own space. Am I the jerk for rushing to move out despite still helping out?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Move. Start your own life. Do not promise your mother anything financial. You are not her retirement plan.
You are not responsible for her emotional health. Her relationship with your sister is for her and your sister to work out. Look at it this way. Your mother made the decisions she felt would make her happy in her life. Now she is denying you the same opportunity.
She is still making the decisions that make her happy in her life, but she is making those decisions for you. Start being selfish. Start making your own decisions. You are an adult, mom gets an opinion, not a vote. Especially when it comes to your finances and where you live.
Don’t give her the vote.” WhereWeretheAdults
Another User Comments:
“Good parents raise their children to become responsible, independent adults. The notion that a child who wishes to live independently, working, and not in the family home is therefore selfish and a disappointment stands in contradiction to that.
Selfish how? In that you want to grow and spread your wings, having been an adult for the past four years? And a disappointment of what? The expectation that you’d still live in the family home as an adult, or that you’d never become an autonomous human being with her own will, making decisions in her own best interest?
Take the job. Try to figure out a way you can move toward a career that allows you to support yourself comfortably on your own even if this involves getting some vocational or graduate certification. Don’t be sucked into what sounds like a very unpleasant family dynamic.
You get to grow up and make your own decisions. You get to move out. NTJ.” Nester1953
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Build your life. I’m a parent. My whole goal is to set up my kids to be strong and independent and happy in their lives.
If there were extenuating circumstances that hinder your mom from living within HER means (e.g., a huge medical bill, a late divorce that left her unprepared to finance her own living…), then you giving her A LITTLE financial help is not unreasonable. If she’s just a poor money manager, then that is NOT a good reason for you to spend your few hard-earned bucks enabling her.
Either way, living with her and your sister is not a good situation. You have a path to independent living. Take it! You are not responsible for making your mom happy. She is. You are responsible for building a life for you.” swillshop
9. AITJ For Not Inviting My Dad To Anything After He Proposed To His Partner On My Birthday?
“My mom and dad married and had my brother but 2 years after that my mom got pregnant again.
My dad was pretty stuck on the thought of only having one child but my mom didn’t mind 2.
So my mom kept the baby (me), my dad was not very happy with my mom’s choice, and that even caused their divorce.
So just to sum stuff up my dad didn’t want me and till today he still likes and spoils my brother more so when it comes to gifts I always get less.
I know it’s probably the thought that counts but for my 16th birthday, he got me a necklace with someone else’s name on it. I thought maybe the necklace place made a mistake but he said no that’s how it’s supposed to be…
I got really mad at my dad because he later on said that the name on the necklace was his new partner, soon-to-be wife’s, name.
He handed my brother a big banner with the words WILL YOU MARRY ME and said hold it up high.
Honestly, was shocked that he would use my day to ask his partner to be his wife. After the whole merry situation, I waited for my real gift but never received anything.
(he took the necklace and gave it to her) so till today, I haven’t invited him to any school functions or birthdays, etc.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Hijacking your birthday to propose to his partner and use you as a prop to do so is a level of disrespect that can never be forgiven.
OP, as soon as you can go no contact with your sperm donor.” DJ_Too_Supreme_AITA
Another User Comments:
“Wow. I’m so sorry you’re being treated so unfairly. He’s an awful father, and his behavior has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him.
I hope you have other caring parental figures in your life who are actually supportive and kind. It’s completely understandable that you would not invite him to any important events. NTJ.” Lizwings
Another User Comments:
“I’m so sorry that your dad is such a jerk.
Sweetie, you deserve a better day. Do well in school, go to college, or trade school. When he comes begging, you will handle him how you see fit. NTJ.” Humble_Guidance_6942
8. AITJ For Not Wanting My Cousin's Partner In Our Wedding Photos?
“Our wedding was 1+ years ago, and very classy, and small – there wasn’t a person there who we aren’t related to by blood or marriage. We decided against +1 guests and instead, put a lot of money into making the night an incredible bonding experience.
Both of our families are from different countries, visiting the US. Our family members who live state-side were also there, and this issue involves one of them.
About 1 month before the wedding, my 3rd cousin started seeing a new partner. A couple of days after I saw the relationship on social media I got a call from him, inquiring about “how small” of a wedding it is and I heard a voice in the background ask something along the lines of if anyone on my husband’s side was allowed a +1.
He began to ask the same question and I cut him off, letting him know, no. I reiterated that everyone in attendance from both sides is related as well as explained why these were our wishes.
A few days later, I got a TEXT from my cousin essentially pleading for her to be able to come.
Says she will keep a “low profile” and will bring her own food – THESE ARE IMPORTANT DETAILS FOR LATER. The writing didn’t sound like him – I’m convinced it was her, from his phone.
About 4 days after our text interaction, a family member passes away.
We were (are) very heartbroken but to cope with the grief, at one point I joked about how “there was room for my cousin’s partner now if she wanted to eat the meal they had chosen”. This is exactly what happened. I don’t know why I exactly came to the decision, but I figured “What’s the worst that can happen” and it would be a good excuse for his partner to meet visiting family members from across the world.
A couple of days before the wedding I reached out to my photographer and asked that she request for the partner to remove herself from frame in the family photos if she felt that it was appropriate for her to include herself. These photos are a big deal. I DO request that the photographer get individual shots of us and them, and give them a little mini shoot for fun – I did kind of feel bad.
They ended up with 25+ photos of them together & alone.
The day of the wedding I saw my cousin and partner floating around the ceremony venue. She looked nice, with a large fur shawl covering her entire midsection. I didn’t think about it again.
Walking down the aisle, I get a look at the outfit. It was a Lakers purple Poster girl micro dress, with fishnet cutouts on the side. Later that night, I saw that the plunge went down below her belly button. Photo time came, and the photographer sweetly requested for her to move out of frame.
I couldn’t tell you if they got a photo of her in the group prior to asking,
That’s it. That’s literally, it. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I just googled poster girl purple dress. Holy crapadoodles. I would expect to see that at the club, not an intimate family wedding.
Especially not at an intimate family wedding that she wasn’t even invited to, and at which she was meeting her partner’s family for the first time. People telling you that she could be edited out of the pictures are neglecting to remember how much editing adds to the price.
Wedding photographers are already expensive, and photoshopping is generally extra. That’s a cost that you shouldn’t have to shoulder for a girl you’d never even met before, who was intent on inviting herself. You are not responsible for her relationship or personality issues and did not sign up to shell out hundreds or thousands of dollars to fix your wedding pictures just because she might have felt slighted by not being included in them.
That has nothing to do with her spectacularly inappropriate sartorial choices. NTJ. You should probably start staying more in touch with that cousin, though, because anyone who chooses to wear that to a family wedding probably makes dramatic choices in other areas of her life.
A living, breathing telenovela is a terrible thing to waste.” FragrantImposter
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! She’s only a partner (a few months) and not your 3rd cousin’s fiancé or wife. You’ve got to remember that she wasn’t originally invited in the beginning and only came due to a death in the family.
She was lucky enough to even be allowed to attend the wedding, nor does she have the right to be upset when asked politely to remove herself from the frame when it came to family group photos. You’re the one paying for the photographer and it’s not like the photographer didn’t take any photos of her with her partner, they ended up with 25+ photos.
She needs to be grateful she attended a wedding with all costs paid for her. Now to her attire… This was a classy wedding, not a club. For sure the invitations sent out would’ve had the dress code listed on it. So your cousin is the jerk for allowing his partner to attend the wedding with such a revealing and unclassy outfit, knowing full well that everyone attending the wedding was all family by blood or marriage.
The partner is also the jerk for even considering and having the audacity to wear such a highly inappropriate outfit. I do hope there were no children at this wedding, if there were I couldn’t even begin to imagine the parents’ disgust and thoughts of a woman wearing such a revealing thing to a wedding.” SilkyMothTeeth
Another User Comments:
“I started seeing my partner 2 and a half years ago. He has 3 sisters. 2 are already married and the third one was engaged when he and I got together. Their wedding was right around our 1 year anniversary. Now, I didn’t have to pull any strings to be able to go to the wedding because it was a HUGE wedding and they didn’t care if I came.
In fact, they just assumed it was a given. It was super awkward at times because I obviously wasn’t a part of the bridal party, but the only people who I knew were part of it. So, I was standing around while everyone got all fancy, glammed up, etc. I sat in a pew at the church all by myself as the wedding ceremony took place.
After the ceremony, they wanted to take pictures. It was obvious they planned on these pictures just because of the bridal party. Makes total sense. So, I stood outside of the church all by my lonesome and waited for them to finish their pictures. Yes, it was awkward and I was super out of place, but I would never have dreamed of pushing my way into those pictures on such a special day.
I got so many good pictures with the bride & groom, my partner, his entire family, etc. at the party after. I’m perfectly content with that. So all this to say… NTJ.” Bl4ckR0se7
7. AITJ For Leaving My Cousin's House After She Screamed At Her Partner And Blamed Me For Their Fight?
“I was visiting family for Thanksgiving. My cousin insisted that I stay at her house. The whole time I was there she was having her teenage kids do multiple tasks for her. Not really a big deal (teaches them core value lessons). Well after Thanksgiving the teenagers were out with friends etc. and the younger kids were back.
She’s screaming at her partner (think they have been together 6 years and have a one-year-old together) to come get the baby. That she needs a break. Not a biggie. He hasn’t sat down for a minute and she starts screaming and cussing why hasn’t he washed the dishes.
His normal voice says, I’m taking care of the baby. More screaming and cussing. I tell him I’ll entertain the child and she gets mad about that.
I think this happened the night before. I came back after visiting other family and he was on the couch with the baby and she was doing something in the kitchen.
We were just talking about different states etc. (He’s an over-the-road truck driver and was home after being out 6 weeks). She yells for him to come into the kitchen. I went to get a drink and he was sitting on a step stool while holding the baby.
I jokingly asked if he was grounded and my cousin said if I’m stuck in the kitchen he can be in here too. He can at least show me some support.
Around 9 pm her son texts and said that he was spending the night again because it was so late and his ride didn’t feel like taking him home.
He was with the family of the partner and they had worked a college football game. She tells him to go get her son. He said why can’t he just stay another night. More cussing and screaming. He left to go get the child, she grabbed the baby and went to her bedroom.
I gathered my stuff and left and went to my dad’s house. I forgot that my watch was charging so I had to go back to get it.
Found out he took his son and left that morning and she says it’s my fault. She has me blocked on social media, but my niece is saying all kinds of messed up stuff.
Life is too short for drama. And for clarification I am not interested in her partner–my kid is older than him.”
Another User Comments:
“Yikes! Your cousin is either a nightmare or totally overwhelmed without her partner around to help out more. Teenagers, younger kids, and a baby would be enough to make a saint insane.
Is your cousin usually this volatile, or is this new behavior for her? She could be suffering from PPD too. It can last over a year if untreated. If she’s always like this, nobody would blame him for leaving, but if this is new, she needs help.
Whether it comes from the partner finding a way to be around more, or speaking to professionals, or getting help in the house. Is anyone close enough to her to find out? Your niece should either step in and help, or keep out of it.
I hope everything works out okay for all involved. Obviously, you’re NTJ, just in the wrong place at the wrong time.” Ok-Possible9327
Another User Comments:
“There are lots of posts about the cousin being alone and overworked. OP also mentions that teenagers are tasked with multiple things.
1st off, cousin chose this life and partner. She could have left at any time… him too for that matter. OP was simply used as an excuse for the cousin’s poor behavior. Having kids help with household tasks is normal. Having them do them all is not.
Needing a break as a mom is a difficult task but being a jerk about it is poor character. Blaming OP is poor character flaw of cousin.” Tomtomto50
Another User Comments:
“Honestly, your cousin sounds completely overwhelmed, which has translated into outbursts of anger– some of which were directed at you because you happened to be in the blast zone.
Teenage kids + a baby + a partner who spends a lot of time away = she’s doing everything, and is frustrated. ..but that isn’t your problem. Unfortunately, that’s the life she’s living right now. You just happened to be there for a hot minute of it. At any rate, she lashed out at you.
Obviously her partner leaving had nothing to do with you. NTJ.” [deleted]
6. AITJ For Cutting Off Contact With My Controlling Family?
“I grew up in a “closed” extended family. We were pretty close with my aunts/uncles/cousins, often living together in one family unit in a single room (around 15 people in the house), however, we didn’t have much contact with non-family members. As kids, we weren’t allowed to have friends.
We were allowed to go to school but had to come back home when it ended. No hanging out with classmates and no after-school activities. For me, personally, being the youngest one, I was usually an afterthought, even for my parents. Needless to say, I was suffering from depression.
I moved out of the house when I went to college and started exploring my freedom. However, even then, I was expected to call every day and come back home every weekend. As time went on, I started to distance myself by skipping phone calls and not going back every weekend.
Eventually. I broke off all contact with my family.
A year after graduating, I had a pretty stable life for myself and I thought to get back in touch with at least my parents and siblings. The first few conversations (over the phone) were just them yelling at me, and I endured it.
After months of this, we were finally able to have some conversation. And every time, I was the one who called. When I finally visited back home there was more yelling and they expected me to move back into the house. I refused their demand, which led to more yelling again.
This continued for a few more months without any progress. So, I started to distance myself again. That was over a decade ago.
Last year, I started to get phone calls from several family members. However, every single call follows the same routine; first they try to make me feel guilty about breaking contact and not calling or visiting (I just hang up if they start yelling), and then they want something from me.
Usually, they want money or have some of my cousins move in with me. My response to that is always no.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That’s a very controlling, isolating family dynamic. I can’t fault anyone for not wanting to stay enmeshed in that, but especially so when they weren’t meeting your needs and weren’t allowing you to have others in your life to meet your needs.
It sounds like despite their deeply controlling family culture, you’ve come out of this with a healthy sense of balance and wanting to be engaged in the world but still have relationships with your family if they’ll allow you to have healthy boundaries.
Don’t feel bad about limiting contact in response to their attempts to reel you back in so you’ll be under their control again. If they continue to be intransigent on the subject, you may be forced to choose between cutting them off and returning to their control; if that happens, please know that you should not feel guilty for going low or no contact for your own well-being.” KaliTheBlaze
Another User Comments:
“So, they basically want to leech off of you? NTJ and honestly outside of missing the family you actually never really had, I don’t understand why you are always the one reaching out only to end up being yelled at and guilt-tripped. I understand that you are torn.
I am in a similar situation with my ex-wife. My mind knows she is not good for me but my heart is just not ready to really follow. Therapy helps a lot for me there and so does my not-partner but this lingering feeling of being unreasonable in my own wants is always somewhat there.
But that is just residual feelings of something you were used to for a very long time. Your brain is so used to ignoring the bad things to protect yourself that you aren’t able to discern between actually needing this and just wanting something that you are used to back.
It’s similar to an addiction pattern and you are in withdrawal. And with any addiction, there is only one way to deal with it. Cutting it out of your life entirely.” strangelifedad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Who would want to live there if they didn’t HAVE to?
Single-room dwelling for 15 people? How does that even work? So, you’re the youngest and they want you to give them money because you work and have it, or cousins to move in with you? Do they work? Probably not. Watch out for that one. You may end up with 10 of the 15.
What do the older siblings do? Nothing? Good for you to get peace and independence. Better keep it that way. You seem to know what to do and need some validation. You do have a valid argument. Stick to your guns and you’ll be just fine.” Effective-Hour8642
5. AITJ For Not Wanting To Split An Admin Fee?
“I (23F) live with Amber (25F) and Bella (27F) on a joint 12-month lease. Our lease says that if anyone chooses to change it, then they have to pay a $300 admin fee.
So, now 10 months later, Amber let our landlord know she would like to move out and won’t be staying past the 12-month term. In my city, the rule is that the first term is 12 months, then it renews to month to month. Both myself and Bella are staying for another year.
When we signed the lease a year ago, we all wanted to stay for a year and then we’d see where we wanted to go. So there was no guarantee that anyone had to stay or leave, but just that we were in it for a year for sure.
Now, Amber wants to move out and refuses to pay the $300 alone. She insists that it is unfair that she has to pay to leave and believes the cost should be split between 4 people, the 3 of us plus her replacement. I don’t think it is fair that I or Bella pay for her to leave as our lease says that whoever causes the change is the reason the landlord has to do the extra work to change the lease, hence the fee for their labor.
The way I see it, she signed a lease that says she pays for a change that she causes. The way they see it, since we only agreed to a year, the next year is like a new contract for everyone, therefore we all pay for the new contract.
My argument to that point is that we never pay to sign a lease, ever. So why am I paying for a new lease when that’s not a thing? Alternatively, we get a new contract, and the landlord considers it to be either a renewal: which would cost like $10 more a month, or a new contract: which could be VERY expensive given the rise in housing prices.
I explained that my decision to stay was that I didn’t want to pay the extra money on leaving, knowing moving is expensive and that there are extra fees (like these). Staying means that there is a slight increase in rent. She chose to leave a joint lease, she should pay the price.
Bella says in this case, we should get a new lease but then I’m confused as to why I have to pay the extra money for a new lease as opposed to a renewal because Amber doesn’t want to pay what she signed to. They both think the lease should only be considered applicable for the first year and that me talking about this as a change to the contract is like assuming it was 2 years.
Alternatively, I thought it would be fair to split it between Amber and her replacement.
For context, if it was a separate lease, she would leave and get her replacement and the new person would pay the new and more expensive price while Bella and I stayed at the old pricing.
Amber emailed to ask our landlord about how much the rent would be for a new contract. I got fed up with the conversation after she yelled at me saying she was miserable here and so I agreed we can split it 4 ways so she isn’t miserable.
So AITJ for not wanting to split the $300 admin fee? Would it be more fair for Amber and her replacement to split it?”
Another User Comments:
“How much would your rent go up if you signed a new lease with Bella and a new roommate?
Multiply that by 12 months. That’s how much you’re saving by Amber paying the change fee so your current lease continues. If that amount is more than $75, then Amber’s proposal is kinda fair. You had no guarantee that either of your current two roommates would want to continue month to month, so getting Amber to pay the change fee and maintain the current rent is actually a bonus to you.
You’re not “paying to sign a lease”; you’re paying for the privilege of maintaining your current lease and current rent amount. If you don’t think the $75 is worth the savings vs. signing a new lease, then all three of you should walk away from the current lease and make your own new housing arrangements.
YTJ to not pay towards the change fee if it saves you money in the long term.” superflex
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like the lease ends in 2 months and Amber wants to move out at the end of the lease. If Amber moves out at the end of the lease you, Bella, and the new roommate would need to either sign a new lease/contract with a potentially higher rent or pay the $300 one-time fee to keep the same terms of the lease but replace the roommate?
If Amber is moving out at the end of the original lease why would she be responsible for the fee? Per your story, y’all agreed on staying one year and now you and Bella want to stay but Amber doesn’t. The $300 fee is for you and Bella to keep the same terms of the lease and be on a month-to-month basis instead of signing a new lease?
I’m going with a soft YTJ because it doesn’t sound like Amber is actually breaking the lease, she stayed the year agreed on and is giving two months’ notice, but is no longer happy with the living situation. You and Bella don’t want to sign a new lease with a new roommate but instead want to keep the old lease because it benefits you.
I think it’s completely reasonable for Amber not to pay the $300 as she seems to be finishing out the 1-year lease. Everyone paying part of the $300 seems like the fairest thing and more in favor of you than Amber.” Princess__Nell
Another User Comments:
“YTJ though the biggest jerk here is the landlord raising your rent. Amber doesn’t owe any part of a fee to change the lease – for her, the contract is fulfilled and ended at 12 months. You and Bella want to enter into a new contract with a new roommate.
It’s crappy for your landlord to charge you for a name change on a boilerplate lease agreement, but unfortunately, that is the way they do business. Amber should not be obligated to pay for you to update your lease and stay.” maantre
4. AITJ For Going Low Contact With My Dad Because Of The Way He Treats My Husband?
“My (34f) father has been in and out of the hospital for a very long time.
He was diagnosed with cancer when I was a teenager but luckily he recovered. We thought that was the end of it but of course it came right back a few years later, and after he survived once again it came back again a few years ago.
The first two times it was caught early but this time we weren’t so lucky, and we don’t think he’s going to get better this time. I have a very good relationship with him so this is already very upsetting and difficult for me and my sister (30f).
To make things worse, my mom passed away around the same time his cancer returned. My sister and I spend a lot of time with him and are just doing our best to take care of him. But now I’m 7 months pregnant with my husband (34m) so it’s been more difficult to do my part of the work.
Ever since my dad found out I was pregnant, his attitude towards my husband has changed so drastically, that he’s suddenly become so rude and hostile. It’s crazy because before this they got along really well.
We all went over for dinner a few months ago and my dad started berating my husband about his work and how it was so lazy for him to not have switched jobs by now.
My husband works in social media marketing and apparently, my dad doesn’t see it as a real job and doesn’t think my husband has what it takes to support me and our baby. This is so odd because this was not his attitude before I got pregnant, and I also have a job in media (journalism) yet he doesn’t think I need a “real job”.
I defended my husband and that got my dad to quiet down, but since then every time he spoke to my husband he would always ask first thing, “Have you got a real job yet?” I keep trying to talk to him about it, I’ve tried absolutely everything I can think of to say, but he won’t quit it.
Recently he’s gone so far as to call my husband a loser and he’s on the fast track to becoming a deadbeat dad. It’s heartbreaking, I have no idea why he’s being so awful. I know dying isn’t easy but it shouldn’t change the way you see your family this much, they used to get along very well.
My husband thinks it’s just the stress of knowing he doesn’t have long left, and he says he’s not taking it personally and still loves him like a father. But I really don’t think this is okay and it obviously gets to him. I think he just doesn’t want me to miss out on time with my dad.
I asked my sister if it would be okay if me and my husband took a step back from my dad for a while and went low contact until he decides to apologize. My sister doesn’t think he’ll apologize (because he complains about it to her too and thinks he’s in the right) and is scared that this is just going to hurt our dad, and she’ll be the only kid left taking care of him.
Also, his health could deteriorate at any time, and she says I’ll regret it if I don’t spend time with him now. I want my dad to face consequences for the way he treats my husband, but she does have a point.
So WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I might be going out on a limb here, but I have to wonder if this is a reeeally misguided attempt by your dad at protecting you. Knowing you might not have him soon, he might be panicking about you being taken care of, and using all the wrong methods to try to ensure that happens.
That said, your primary family is your husband and child now, and there is NO excuse for your dad to disrespect your husband that way. YWNBTJ for going low or no contact. Your mental health is sacred, and you’re going through an immensely stressful period in your life right now.
But you may want to sit down alone with your dad and explain to him exactly what you’ve explained to us. You want to spend as much time with him as you can while you have him, and you know he wants the very best for you, but if he can’t stop making those remarks, you’re going to need to cut contact.
In an effort to protect you, he’s causing undue suffering that I’m sure he doesn’t really want you to go through. If you feel it’s true, you can tell him that he’s raised you well, and he can trust you to make good decisions for your family.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this and wish you all the best.” finkplamingoes
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. My husband went through that same thing. The third time around his body couldn’t handle the chemo and that was it… but during his last couple of years, he became extremely offensive in some ways.
The oncology nurses called it “chemo brain”. Your dad will probably not apologize because he doesn’t see his behavior as problematic. And he can’t see that because he’s sick. You may need to limit your exposure for your own mental health, but please don’t blame your dad.
Luckily my husband had a great care team, and they referred us to a program that provided low or no-cost support services. We had a young lady who would come 3-4 days a week and help bathe him, make smoothies for him, etc. My husband was much happier then.
Don’t know where you live, but this sort of care may be available to your dad. Contact your local government’s aging services department, or ask your dad’s medical providers what’s available.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“There really is no right answer here other than no jerks here.
Your dad is scared, and he is using your husband as a target for that fear. Is it rational? No, but neither is preparing to die. Your dad’s lashing out is honestly not unusual for people in his position. He knows that he is not going to be here to watch his grandchild grow up, he won’t be around to make sure his children are safe and happy.
I can empathize with you feeling you should stick up for your husband, and under different circumstances, I would applaud your desire for him to face consequences. But your sister is right, you would be dumping all of the mess of caring for your father on her, and you would probably regret not spending as much time with him before he passes because of this.
It would however be to your benefit to learn about a technique called grey rocking to use with your dad. Good luck, and please just love your dad for the time you have left together, even when we know our parents are dying and think we have faced all of the things that we should, made all of the plans, this loss is something you are never totally prepared for.” Grannywine
3. AITJ For Not Letting My Accident-Prone Partner Drive My New Car?
“I (24M) recently bought my first “nice” car—a 2019 Mazda 3. It’s not a luxury car or anything, but I worked my tail off for it.
I saved for years and drove beaters while I worked two jobs, and when I finally got this car, it felt like a reward for all my effort. I take care of it, too—I wash it every weekend, never let it get below half a tank, and park away from everyone else in parking lots like a total dork.
Here’s the issue: my partner, Emily (24F), wants to drive it. I love Emily, but she is the single worst driver I’ve ever met. And I’m not exaggerating:
1. She’s totaled two cars in the past two years. The first was because she “misjudged” the distance while merging on the highway.
The second? She reversed into a light pole in an empty parking lot.
2. She tailgates like crazy. I’ve had to tell her multiple times to back off the car in front of her when I’m in the passenger seat because it feels like we’re going to die.
3. She’s admitted she “doesn’t like paying attention” while driving because “it’s boring.” I wish I were kidding.
I’ve let her drive my old car once before (a 15-year-old Civic I wasn’t super attached to), and she managed to scrape it pulling into a gas station.
After that, I said I’d never let her drive my car again, and we both kind of laughed it off.
Well, now I have this car, and she keeps asking to drive it. At first, it was playful—stuff like, “Let me take it for a spin!”—and I just said no with a laugh.
But recently, she’s been getting more annoyed about it. She says stuff like, “You act like I’m going to crash it or something.” And, well… yeah.
The other day, we were driving to dinner (me driving, obviously), and she brought it up again.
She said it’s “weird” that I won’t let my own partner drive my car and that it makes her feel like I don’t trust her. I told her straight up: “It’s not that I don’t trust you—it’s that I’ve seen you drive, and I can’t afford to have this car wrecked.” She got quiet and didn’t say much for the rest of the night.
Later, she told me I embarrassed her and made her feel like she’s incompetent. I said I wasn’t trying to embarrass her, but she has totaled two cars. She said I should “get over it” because accidents happen, and that I’m being controlling.
Now she doesn’t even let me use her pc because “I may break it” when there has never been such an issue before. I think it’s just childish.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“My sister had been in 7 car collisions–none her fault, not even when she destroyed our mom’s garage.
It “jumped out” at her. Some people really don’t understand driving. Like your partner, some people will contrive any reason not to be to blame. Consider whether she does this in other aspects of her life—is she ever at fault for anything that goes wrong?
Is she capable of admitting responsibility in any context? And if this is a driving-only issue of denial, would you be comfortable say, sending her out with children in the car (your own or nieces, nephews, whatever)? And of course, NTJ.” Entarotupac
Another User Comments:
“Why are you sugarcoating the truth? You do not trust her to drive your car. You do think she will total it. I mean, I’m impressed you don’t sound more alarmed that she’s going to harm herself or someone else because “paying attention” is BORING???
I’m impressed you’re still with her when you think she drives in a way that actually makes you feel unsafe and like she’s going to run into another car. You sound like you’re underreacting. Are you not worried she’ll harm herself in an accident? Is she so unbothered with life that she does not even know she drives unsafely?” Rohini_rambles
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I was in the exact same position with my ex-husband. He had totaled one car before meeting me and claimed it wasn’t his fault, so I let him be a secondary driver on my first ever car I bought for myself.
He crashed it within months. I bought another car with the insurance payout (my insurance went up like crazy of course). I bought a manual, which he didn’t know how to drive. I never taught him to drive my car and he was never insured on it.
He complained and moaned about how unfair I was for the entire rest of our relationship. I still have that car. We separated and within the first year of our separation, he totaled a truck and a rental car lol. I get that you love your partner but I could never be in a relationship with such a bad driver and/or irresponsible person like that again.” Happydumptruck
2. AITJ For Being Upset About Not Being Included In A Family Photo Collage?
“My in-laws are celebrating their 30th anniversary. My wife and all her siblings decided to get a large framed photo collage for them as a present.
The collage, of course, has their wedding pictures and pictures of my wife and her siblings as children. The collage also includes the most recent group photo of their whole family together at our wedding back in April.
Additionally, the collage also has (separate) pictures of her 3 married brothers with their wives and children, and a picture of her recently engaged brother and his fiancée.
However, there is no picture of me and my wife, nor do I appear in any of the group pictures, not even in the family pic from our wedding.
I brought this to my wife’s attention, and her immediate and annoyed-sounding response was, “It’s not about you. It’s about my parents and my family and the grandkids.”
I said, “I understand, and I’m not saying it’s about me, but I’m wondering, if there are pictures of your married brothers with their wives, shouldn’t there also be one of us?” Her response was, “It’s not about my married brothers and their wives, it’s to show off the grandkids!”
“Okay. What about the pic of (newly engaged brother) and (fiancée)? There’s no grandkids to show off there…”
At this point my wife gets upset. “You know, you’re really annoying me right now. My siblings and I worked really hard to put this together, and now you have to make it ALLLL about you and the fact that you’re not on it.
Grow up. You’ll be in other pictures in the future.”
Now truthfully, I don’t really care that much about not being in the collage, but I am feeling very hurt and frustrated by my wife’s response.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Feels like your wife went from 0 to 60 really really fast. And she obviously didn’t like you pointing out all the flaws in her defense.
This doesn’t look good. There is obviously a reason you were left out. And make no mistake, you were left out on purpose. And your wife knows why. She needs to tell you. The cynic in me believes that you might not be a member of this family in time, and your wife is ensuring that there is no permanent reminder of you in something that will obviously be on display in a prime location.
NTJ.” SoImaRedditUserNow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I don’t know what is going on in your wife’s head, but two things stand out: First, she was involved in choosing the pictures, yet either didn’t think to include your photo, or deliberately excluded you. Either you were not on her mind to be included as family even though her brother’s new fiancée was, or she (and/or her siblings) deliberately wanted you excluded for some reason.
Second, her reaction was extreme. Not apologetic in the slightest, but instead antagonistic and accusatory. Whether you weren’t on her mind at all when she put the collage together, or whether you were deliberately excluded, she doesn’t have any sympathy for your feelings. For her, the image of the family she wants to present to her parents doesn’t include you, and you even pointing out your absence has her treating you with disdain.
Something is very wrong here.” kurokomainu
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Hey OP, I’m sorry this happened to you. It really sucks. My sister-in-law once gave my mother a carefully curated calendar with photos of the ‘whole family’ across the months – my brothers, their partners, and children.
I got one page, and my long-term partner was nowhere to be seen. Just me. I was so upset about it, brought it up, just to be told, why are you making this a big deal? You know how they are. Why are you making it about you?
Well, because it is a big deal. It’s hurtful and sucky, ignorant at best, and malicious at worst. It’s not how a family should behave. Even more so in your case – your wife was involved! Whatever the reason, whether it was forgetful ignorance or something else, it was a terrible thing for her and them to do.
Don’t let them tell you you’re making a big deal out of nothing. This is very much something and you are completely in the right here. In my case, it was just another piece of a terrible family dynamic that hurt me for years. I really hope you have better luck than I did.
You’re NTJ, but everyone else here truly sucks.” hits-and-misses
1. AITJ For Not Wanting My Child Around My Toxic Parents During The Holidays?
“I (26 F) grew up in a very toxic environment in my home.
My parents got married young and my mother became pregnant with me within the year of their marriage.
They were definitely not ready for a child and they didn’t live near any family. My mother had to leave her job to take care of me and she has resented my father ever since for that which created a super toxic environment growing up.
Every argument ended with the fact that she had to give up her career and how miserable life has become since then. She would say some pretty harsh stuff to me too regularly, blaming me for everything that is wrong in her life.
I moved out as soon as I turned 18 and pretty much only visited for holidays.
I have stayed with them whenever I visit for holidays but this year my husband and I decided to stay separately because we don’t want our one-year-old to be around all the daily arguments and blame game.
My parents and cousins have called me a jerk for telling my parents that, according to them a one-year-old can anyway barely understand what is happening and it is just for a week and I only visit them during this Christmas, we spend all the other holidays with my husband’s family.
I don’t know what to do anymore, pretty much every family member of mine is on my parents’ side.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re doing what’s best for your baby and yourself. You grew up in a toxic home, and it’s completely fair that you don’t want your child around that.
Even if they’re little, they can feel tension, and it’s not healthy. Your family might not get it, but that doesn’t make you wrong. You’re still visiting, just not staying with your parents, which is a fair choice. You’re putting your child first, and that’s what matters.” andrew21photo
Another User Comments:
“Dear Family: You know what? You are right. A one-year-old doesn’t understand everything. But they do understand yelling and fighting and tension. So let’s cut to the chase. We have decided to stay home this year and celebrate Christmas as a family.
I know that is disappointing to you given that if I’m not there, you can’t tell me how much of a disappointment I am or how I ruined your lives. I certainly understand all the anger and stupid stuff that comes out of your mouth, some directed at each other, some at me.
It is time for this cycle to stop. I am stopping it. There is no joy in visiting you for me and apparently not for you either given the behavior of the past few years. I have apologized to my husband for subjecting him to your toxic stuff.
We have decided we aren’t interested in it anymore. Hope you have a wonderful Christmas and a happy new year.” Tinkerpro
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your family now is your child and your partner. The rest have been demoted. Prioritize your actual family. That said I wouldn’t have said (if this is what you did) “I don’t want my kid to be around you all because of the arguments” if you wanted any kind of chill response.
That’s asking for a defensive reaction. There are valid reasons for booking your own place like maintaining the kid’s routine, wanting your own space, whatever. But if your family acts badly and you don’t want to expose your kid to them, you have full permission from this internet stranger to drop them all and just hang out with your husband’s family.
Or have a nice quiet Christmas on your own. You don’t need to go hang around a bunch of people you don’t like and who treat you badly.” CarbonationRequired
