People Worry Over Their Dreadful 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
26. AITJ For Not Changing Our Guys' Trip Activities After Our Wives Insisted On Joining?
“More like are we the jerks? My friends and I, all guys in our early-mid 30s, planned a guy’s trip for last week. It’s been in the works for 6 months.
Before anyone asks, yes those of us with wives wives get to have girls’ trips and time with our friends regularly.
Five of us have been friends since high school. One guy, Brent, joined our friend group sophomore year of college when he started seeing our buddy Mitch.
They’re still together to this day. I mention them because this is where the issue started. My wife and best bud’s wife had no problem with this trip until they learned Brent was going too. At that point, they argued that it wasn’t fair that they were being excluded when a couple would be going on the trip.
We argued it was still a guys’ trip, they saw it otherwise. Ultimately we budged and said if they wanted to come, they could.
Our original plan was traditional camping- tents and sleeping bags the whole time. We found a cabin to rent for most of the week at their insistence.
We had our activities planned and licenses for fishing. We did do a nature trail walk our wives wanted to do (the kind that has fences, posts, and wooden paths) but other than that we told them they could take one of the cars to go do what they wanted or do what they wanted around the cabin while we did our thing.
After a few days, they stopped asking us to change plans.
When we got home my wife let me know how mad she was and called us inconsiderate jerks for leaving them out. I told her it was a guy’s trip they insisted on joining, not a family trip.
We have one of those planned for later this summer. She’s been curt with me ever since. My buds’ wives feel the same way and we’re getting it from all angles. So were we jerks for not changing our activities to things they enjoy too?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- What in the what? Y’all are not the jerks. Your wives are. Boys trip means boys trip even if two of the boys are together it’s still a boys trip. Further, the fact that y’all included them and they still acted like brats?
It wasn’t their trip. It was gracious that you included them in the first place when they overstepped. Are they always this bratty or what?” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Whatever you call it (guys trip, couples trip, whatever), what it was is a camping trip.
You planned a camping trip and you invited people who like to camp. A couple of other people expressed interest in going on the camping trip, and you said sure. Then those people got mad that they were on a camping trip. If they didn’t want to go on a camping trip, they should not have insisted they be included on the camping trip.” Forward_Squirrel8879
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It feels vaguely homophobic to equate a gay man to a woman, so right off the bat, gross. Regardless of gender, if you had a female friend who’d broad it up with you guys since college, you’d still have these trips – you’d just call them friend group trips rather than guy trips.
So, again, weird for spouses to elbow in. It is healthy to have different kinds of relationships with the different people in your life. It’s normal to have hobbies and interests that your spouse doesn’t share. If they weren’t gonna enjoy the trip they shouldn’t have asked to go on the trip.
This trip is for camping, fishing, hiking, etc. if they don’t wanna do these things they shouldn’t go. And yes. Before anyone comes at me, I am an adult woman. These women are being ridiculous.” Kitastrophe8503
25. AITJ For Taking An Important Work Call While With My Partner?
“My (42F) partner Mary (41F) and I have been in a relationship for 3 years. At first, Mary seemed fun and spontaneous and we would just laugh and have the best time when we hung out and went on outings. My family was happy for me since I hadn’t been involved with anyone in a while.
As things got more serious Mary started to complain about my work schedule. She didn’t like that on Wednesday evenings I had to drive about an hour away to attend client meetings for a project I was leading. Mary’s work schedule is 7 am to 3 pm and she seems to expect me to be free after 3 pm since she is and would complain about me having “messed up priorities”.
My work schedule is closer to banker’s hours (8 am to 5 pm) with the previously mentioned weekly client meetings. Note: I am not a workaholic and don’t prioritize work above anything else but like most people, I am trying to retain my job so I can continue to pay bills.
Last weekend I went to stay with Mary (she lives about an hour away) and we had a really good time. I stayed through Monday and worked remotely from Mary’s place that day. That afternoon, I got an unexpected meeting invite for a project progress call later that afternoon.
It was important and we didn’t have anything going on so I took the call and thought nothing of it. Then, as I was leaving Mary’s to go back to my place, Mary announced that she wouldn’t talk to me the next day because I had taken the afternoon work call.
I didn’t know what to say and she just shut down and wouldn’t talk to me so I went home. I am really confused as to why this was such a big deal. Mary is still mad at me over this and told me today (Wednesday) that “if I take your call while I’m still mad at you for working then I am condoning your bad behavior”.
Am I the jerk for taking the work call? Would you consider this “bad behavior”?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and if I were you I would seriously consider ending that relationship. A fellow adult does not have the right to punish their partner. That is disgusting behavior.
You are not her child or her pet. She has no business attempting to punish you. This is very immature, unhealthy behavior, and you need to establish a boundary immediately that you will accept no such thing from a fellow adult. Tell her you’re looking for a partner, not a master.
You are not a dog. If she wants to try to communicate respectfully like a mature adult then great, otherwise she can be single.” Wide_Caregiver1864
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you have a day job that has its schedule. Mary can’t handle the fact that you’re not off work when SHE’S off work, how did she make it to 40 years old?
Does she have zero friends? Because everybody I know always has varying schedules that don’t always line up, that’s just life. What’s more, when you work remotely, taking an afternoon call (especially during prescribed work hours) is perfectly normal. You don’t need this in your life.
Your SO needs to understand that work time is work time, and you do not exist for her beck-and-call. On the bright side, if you do what needs to be done, you’ll be saving yourself an hour’s commute two ways every weekend since you won’t need to go see someone who’s controlling and can’t accept that you have a job.” neoprene
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you need to leave this woman immediately. Your schedule is your schedule, and you’re expected to turn up on time and do your job, which it sounds like you do. Good on you for being responsible! And her rationale that if she takes your call she’s “condoning your bad behavior” is the most ridiculous thing I’ve read on Reddit today.
Imagine going through the rest of your life dealing with this! For your sanity, end things with your partner now.” stroppo
24. AITJ For Wanting To Move In With My Wife And Displace Her Family?
“So my wife (30F) has an apartment where her mother stays with her, her mom (54F) can’t work more than part-time because of health issues (spine stenosis?) ever since we started seeing each other… she recently also brought in her brother (25M), after he graduated from UC Berkeley.
He got a job as a school site monitor part-time, minimum wage from his mom referring him for the job she also does. Currently, there are no plans for him to move out, find a different job, or anything else.
My wife pays the rent, utilities, and some other bills.
My mother-in-law pays insurance for her car and my wife’s car. Some groceries every other few months here and there.
My brother-in-law: pays for his cellphone (financed iPhone 15 pro) my wife’s phone plan, and my mother-in-law’s phone plan.
So lately, I have been looking at places where my wife and I could reside together, I miss her, and seeing her once or twice a month is difficult.
This would displace her mother (55F) and her (25M) brother, they cannot afford to rent a place on their own from what I am told. And they work in the city in which they reside with my wife (30F).
Lately, it has been causing fights whenever I visit my wife (I sleep on the couch when visiting her and clean up the apartment a little because her mom and her brother leave it messy with trash around and don’t clean it it)
I have brought up the idea of him moving out, and me moving in with my wife and her mother to care for her. I currently live about 70 miles away from my parents, so I can commute to work at a job that is 100 miles away from my wife’s apartment.
However it leads to huge arguments with my mother-in-law screaming at me, my wife screaming at me, and her brother also raising his voice.
Lately, I have felt everything I do is wrong, at work, and myin home life… it feels like life hasn’t been great.
Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ-I would say cut your losses but you seem to want your marriage to work. That won’t happen without compromise. Talk to your wife alone and you both can express yourself freely. You can give her options to have her mom or brother placed on the apartment and her name come off it, where the brother does more financially so it alleviates her burden and she can move in with you or a timeline for when you expect her and you to move together without extra relatives.” Sea-Tea-4130
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but I think that you should have a serious conversation with your wife about the future of your relationship and your goals as a couple. It is strange to me that you do not see each other very much, nor do you live with each other, but you are married. If you are unhappy then you should try to take steps to change things.” ParticularAccess2925
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You need to have a calm conversation with your wife. Just your wife. Maybe with a counselor to help facilitate. You aren’t mentioning here how far away from your employment your wife works (so where it could make sense to try to live together).
But either way you need to get on the same page about how much and which members of her family you can see yourself also living with and financially supporting. If you don’t want to together support an able-bodied, college-educated 25yo, you have to establish that now.
If you don’t want to always live apart from your wife, you may have some hard choices to make.” ParsimoniousSalad
23. AITJ For Telling My Partner Not To Eat The Food I Bought For Myself?
“My partner and I split the cost of grocery shopping 50/50 since pretty much everything we buy is for both of us anyway.
Neither of us eats breakfast but recently I ended up unexpectedly losing a lot of weight so I have started eating breakfast.
Since the food I bought was just for me, I paid for it myself and got it separately from the grocery shop. I bought myself a range of things so it would last and so I wasn’t having the same things each day and so it would last me a while.
Once my partner noticed what I bought, the next day she started using it to make herself breakfast.
I asked if she wouldn’t use it much since I’ve bought it for myself since I need to gain weight and that it was quite expensive. She said she wouldn’t use much but then the next day she did the same thing.
I mentioned to her that since she’s now eating breakfast, we’ll add the food to the grocery shop then.
She said no since she is only really having it because we’ve got things in, she doesn’t need to have it. I pointed out that if she’s going to continuously use the food I bought for myself then the least she can do is contribute towards it.
She said she doesn’t want to pay for things she doesn’t need but I just pointed out she’s more than happy to keep using it once someone else has paid.
I just said if she doesn’t want to pay towards it then I don’t want her having any more of it since I’m having to buy it more regularly if she’s going to keep eating it.
She said I was being selfish and unfair but I just pointed out she just expects to be given the food for free.
I said I’m happy to share it as long as she starts paying towards it but she just accused me of making it all about money.
I just repeated that if she’s not paying for any of the food then I don’t want her having any of it.
AITJ for telling my partner not to eat the food I had bought for myself?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner seems to have a weird relationship with either money, responsibility, fairness, or all of the above.
You did everything right; paying for the stuff by yourself, offering to add it to the mutual list, and enforcing a boundary when she tried to bypass the terms of your agreement (if both eat, both pay) with some strange leap of logic. “Need” obviously doesn’t factor into a setup like that; whether she eats something she doesn’t need doesn’t make the food any less gone.
” anjha
Another User Comments:
“Food in your house is either joint, which you split 50/50, or personal, which you pay for yourself. Full stop. Any way to lock up your special foods? This is giving me university flashbacks to the one housemate who “wants to eat more healthy” and doesn’t want to chip in for the Mint Milanos, yet will eat the entire bottom layer of the bag (and puts the full layers back on top of the empty paper) when she thinks no one notices.
(Looking at you, Laura. Pepperidge Farm remembers!)” TemptingPenguin369
Another User Comments:
“Money aside, it’s obnoxious to eat the food someone else set aside for a specific purpose. Not eating it or adding it to the communal groceries are the only reasonable options. It was polite of you to pay for the extra food.
It’s extremely impolite of her to eat it and not replace it. NTJ” malinagurek
22. AITJ For Refusing To Model My Friend's Expensive Lash Extensions?
“I (35F) have a friend, “Sally” (32F) I’ve known for years. She does facials, waxing, and recently eyelash extensions. I’ve gone to her for facials and waxing but not eyelash extensions because I just don’t want to do them. I have had them before but I am now at a point where I’m happy with my natural lashes.
Anyway, my friend recently asked me to model her lash extensions because not too many people were coming back to get the fill-ins as they should. She wanted me to purchase a package of mega-volume lash extensions with two fills scheduled within six weeks. I declined because her prices are fair for her service, which means it’s out of my budget.
I also explained that I didn’t want lash extensions, but perhaps I could schedule a facial or waxing at the time she was offering a lash extension.
She said she didn’t need any more facial clients, but she needed the lash side of her business to grow.
She said lashes are less time-consuming and the products are easier to obtain for her than facial products. I declined again because of budget reasons but also expressed that I do not want lash extensions. Perhaps she should advertise for a model? She told me that all the models wanted the lashes for free.
Things got heated because she wanted me to model her lashes and I kept saying no. She then told me “We can’t be friends because you don’t support my business.”
Anyway, she’s decided to block me on all social media, but before doing that she posted on her story and messaged me “Fake friends will bring you down to their level instead of raising you out of the mud.”
I thought it was a little extreme because I feel like lash extensions are personal and to each their own. I understand it’s her business, which is why I offered to support her in other ways.
Should I have just taken the hit as a friend?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you are supposed to model them, then she should do them for you for free or, at the very least, at a heavily discounted price. With modeling, I assume she wants to take photos and/or video of the process and results and the very least she can do to have your face/eye used in promotion is to receive the extensions as compensation.
Indeed, a hired model would need them done for free and/or need to receive payment for their modeling service; just because you’re her friend doesn’t mean you should have to pay to model for her. That’s not how it works.” fallingintopolkadots
Another User Comments:
“NTJ This girl isn’t worth your time. You don’t need to get a service you don’t want and can’t afford just to appease her. She’s done you a favor by blocking you. She sounds like she just brings drama to your life for no reason.
You don’t run a business by threatening people to get your services.” BulbasaurRanch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ all day long. Real friends don’t try to bully you into paying for something from them that you can’t afford and don’t even want. You did support her business, you bought services from her, just not the services you didn’t want.
Yikes, what she did would have been bad enough if it was just some random item you could shove in a drawer and forget about, but she wanted you to get something that changes your appearance for 6 weeks plus. Forget that noise!” AuspicaDarkmagic
21. AITJ For Surprising My Partner With A Visit To Give Him A Birthday Gift?
“My partner and I have been together for about 7 months. I wanted to get him a small gift for his birthday since I know he dislikes big events or parties and things like that surrounding him. So the other day I went out and bought a small gift for him, and figured I’d drop it off at his house after my class ended.
My class ended, and I called him and asked if I could drop something off at his house quickly. I could kind of tell he was hesitant over the phone, but I didn’t overthink it. I went anyway, and immediately when he opened the door I knew he didn’t want me there.
I gave him the gift, and we chatted a little forcefully about our days, after I realized just how awkward this interaction was, I promptly excused myself and went home.
When I got home, I received a text from him explaining that he was uncomfortable because I had “flat out” told him I was coming to his house and had not asked permission before.
At this point, I was not surprised that he felt this way considering how uncomfortable he seemed when I had seen him.
Feeling guilty, I immediately apologized. But when I told my roommates about what happened, they told me that this was not a “normal reaction” to what I did, that I didn’t do anything wrong, and that I shouldn’t have apologized. I don’t know what to think at this point.
I’m getting a lot of conflicting advice on this. Is this boundary realistic or do I need to push back? Any advice on how I should approach this boundary? After apologizing and then being told to push back it left me confused with how I should approach or even feel about this situation.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You dropped by to see him in what sounds like the chillest, minimally invasive way possible and you called ahead before to give him a heads-up. How far in advance are you expected to book appointments with him and what forms need to be filled out?
You didn’t do anything wrong. Sorry, he didn’t appreciate a sweet gesture and made you feel weird about it.” EmbarrassedChemist12
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here You’re both young adults and this isn’t a new relationship but you’re still figuring out some boundaries. Sometimes it’s just phrasing, “Hey hun, I’m coming over.” VS “Hey hun, is it cool if I drop by for 5 mins to give you something?” or “When would be a good time for me to visit?” There is a different power dynamic and respect level with those 3.
Is it cool to impose on someone? Not really. Is it kind of expected for couples to always want to see each other anyway? Mostly. Unless I’m in a bad mood or have plans, I would be happy if my partner of 7 months stopped by, especially not if she brings gifts.
Also, here’s a secret, men almost always do a panic cleaning before their partner or mom visits. A surprise visit could be anxiety-inducing and lead to panic cleaning.” thenord321
20. AITJ For Refusing To Apologize To My Aunt After Calling Her Out For Her Mistreatment Of My Mother?
“Just about 12 years ago, my grandmother had a series of small strokes, and her health took a serious hit.
During this time, my mother and I lived in Arizona, on the other side of the country. Now, one would think that my mother’s siblings would have the courtesy to keep her updated as to her mother’s health, but my mother is the black sheep.
She was what the psychologists would call the family scapegoat, my aunt and uncles were the golden children.
As a person who loves my mother very much, I reacted, emailed the family, and let them know that I thought they were being incredibly unfair. When I was responded to, I was told, like a child and not the 30+yo decorated military veteran that I was, that it was none of my business and they would tell Mom what she needed to know.
(The only reason I mention being a decorated military veteran is that I come from a military family, which is huge. One of my uncles even did West Point. So, you’d think that it would have counted for something. Otherwise, my “status” isn’t a thing)
Yeah, this didn’t go well. I had choice words and called my aunt, left a message, signing off with, “You are an utter jerk.” (paraphrased) The deep burning thing here is when no one else was available to take care of my grandmother, my mother stepped up, left her two minor children with me, and spent over six months up north taking Grandma to and from appointments, cooking, and cleaning for her.
No one else stepped up—just her.
Fast forward 12 years, I’m reaching out to ask some family-related questions, and my aunt relays to me that “it would be nice if I apologized for being a jerk.”
I don’t feel I owe her a thing. Her behavior towards my mother was atrocious.
It always has been. Also, I don’t need her input, so it’s not harming me. I’ve not thought about it in 12 years and haven’t cared.
So, am I the jerk if I walk away and don’t apologize?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ 100% “my mother stepped up, left her two minor children with me, and spent over six months up north taking Grandma to and from appointments, cooking, and cleaning for her.
No one else stepped up—just her.” Atrocious is the right word for the way your mom was treated. Don’t apologize. Let them all go kick rocks.” Apart-Ad-6518
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My aunt is still waiting for me to apologize after I called her out for pitching a scene at my little nephew’s birthday party because she was mad my mom was getting more attention than she was.
FYI my mom had just lost a leg to MRSA. This happened over a decade ago, & I still feel just fine not apologizing. You just can’t choose your family, sadly. You keep doing what you’re doing.” CampfiresInConifers
19. AITJ For Prioritizing My Social Life Over Spending Time With My Mom?
“I (21F) am in a loving family with my mom (45F).
We have always been close with her being present for most of my accomplishments and major events, and I truly love and appreciate her.
Recently, I got into college, got a partner, and am going through an internship. So I regularly go out on the weekends since I work 9-5 now.
This meant I went out with her way less than I used to when I was single. Since I started my internship, I have been planning more outings with friends now since I don’t get to see them in college.
I mostly spend the day with my mom if I don’t have any plans/if it’s a special day.
And so I’ve not been prioritizing time with her as much, and there is no one to accompany her on her days off.
The breaking point came last week when I already had an outing set and had to leave soon. My mom came into my room and asked what we were doing that day.
I told her we could have a quick lunch, then told her I already had an outing planned. She then got pretty upset and told me to move my outing to dinner although I was already kinda late and pushing the outing to make some time to have lunch with her.
She said that I shouldn’t be so selfish and prioritize time for my friends and partner but leave more time for her instead. After that, I just left for the outing since I was already late and she stayed home. Today as I was leaving, she told me to say sorry for leaving her home alone.
Matter of fact, I left since my brother was home that day, and I thought she could still spend time with him if she needed company. However, I did not raise that and just apologized since it would have escalated the situation instead.
This is my first time living a 9-5 lifestyle and I don’t want to miss out on my friend’s lives I miss them a lot as well.
I understand her loneliness since she does not have friends that she hangs out with. But I still don’t feel like it’s fair to demand me to push my plans backward for her. And I don’t understand why it had to be with me and not my brother, who often gets to have his own alone time without being relentlessly hammered. I am the favorite child in the family, don’t get me wrong, my parents show a pretty stark difference in paying more attention to me than my brother.
I don’t know if I’m just blabbering on, but this is the context of my situation. AITJ for leaving my mother on a weekend?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re doing exactly what you’re supposed to be doing at this point in your life. Your life is expanding, as it should be, and your mom is stuck thinking that you are her perpetual companion.
As though she fails to see you as a whole human being separate from herself and does not register that you will someday move out, start a career, perhaps get married, maybe have kids of your own, travel, etc. You are not “leaving” her. She is 45 and old enough to be able to make plans of her own, or find ways to occupy her time doing whatever she pleases.” fallingintopolkadots
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not obligated to spend time with your parents and parents usually understand that at some point they will lose control over their kids and “kids” will have their own life, start a new family and life goes on. Your mom should accept that or risk pushing you even further away and see you only a few times per year.
Explain to her that her behavior is pushing you away and she better give you space and find something else to do as forced relationships never work out.” forgeris
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! You’re her daughter, not her bestie and source of entertainment. You are not obligated to spend all your free time with her and she doesn’t get to manipulate or guilt you into it.
That said, you say you’re close. If maintaining that is important, you may create a meaningful ritual that you do together. Dessert together once a week or something that reassures her you still value her / time together—just not like you’re tied at the hip!” onsaleatthejerkstore
18. AITJ For Insisting On Telling My Kids The Truth About Their Half-Sibling?
“A few years ago, my wife and I got a letter from a woman claiming to be my wife’s daughter, Laurel, who wanted to meet with her. She’d told me that she’d given up a child for adoption when she was young, so I was expecting that this might happen.
What I didn’t expect was that the truth was there was never any adoption. She just left the baby with the father and bailed.
The worst thing about this is that when Laurel was 12, she wrote my wife begging for help. Her response was to write her the nastiest reply imaginable (I’ve since had a chance to read it) that blamed her for her problems and threatened her against contacting her again and “ruining her family”.
I couldn’t believe it. Not only has she been lying this whole time, but she actively had contact and chose to abandon her a second time while we were married. This has all been an emotional dumpster fire, but that’s an issue of its own.
We’ve been in contact and building a relationship for the last few years. So much therapy. So far, we’ve kept this all away from our kids. At this point, it’s been a few years, and there’s interest in having everyone meet.
The thing is, between my wife and Laurel, they’ve come to an ‘agreement’ to tell the kids and everyone else in the family that Laurel is a family friend.
Not. I’m sick of the lying. What they call each other is their deal and I don’t expect that to change, but I’m not lying anymore. I don’t like lying to my kids as a policy, but lying to them about who’s related to them and who isn’t is dangerous.
I only want them to meet if we can tell them the truth. Now I’m getting into it with my wife, Laurel, and my parents (the only outside people who know). They say I should go along with it not for my wife’s sake but for Laurel’s.
I understand why she would want that, but I don’t think I care anymore. The kids need to know.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ The fallout from lying will be far worse than telling the truth upfront if she’s ever found out. And you’ll be just as guilty as her in your kids’ eyes for lying by omission.
If she’s that ashamed then she shouldn’t be bringing Laurel around the family.” RichSignal7022
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I would chew her rear out for treating her daughter this way. If it were me, then she would 1. Apologize to the kid and beg her to forgive her for being this horrible 2.
Acknowledge her as “our” daughter, much less hers 3. Give her a place to be a normal kid and do the best we can for her, and if she didn’t do all three, then I’d file for divorce and try my best to get full custody of the kids.
No one needs someone that toxic in their lives” TJ-Marian
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your youngest is 17? So all your kids are pretty much adults. You have to tell them the truth, all of it. They deserve to know. I also think the only reason Laurel is going along with it is that she’s so desperate for your wife’s approval that she’ll do anything she says.
That’s so manipulative of your wife who’s already proven she’s abusive towards her. I would talk to Laurel alone. Tell her you are telling the kids the truth and assure her she is now a part of your family no matter what your wife thinks.
This is your kids’ half sibling they deserve to know that.” Mommabroyles
17. AITJ For Paying For My SO's Detox From Our Joint Finances?
“SO is addicted to drinking and started another binge drinking episode which lasted in total 8 days. On day 8, I was bombarded by constant “help me, please” every 5 minutes, so I did my best to help.
I agreed first on day 5 to his idea of “give me 1.5 days, I will be sober but I need to reduce the drinking amount slowly”.
Long story short it didn’t work and 2 days later he was as intoxicated as before. I gave him options: detox at home, ER, detox center, detox in a private medical facility, or he stops drinking, no more “cutting off slowly”. I asked if he had other ideas – he didn’t.
He didn’t agree to anything but after ca. 12 hours of more drinking, he agreed to the private facility idea, which cost nearly 5k for 3 days.
Now he’s out after 2 days, blaming me for “being frivolous with money” and that if I had given him another 3 days he would be bored of drinking enough to stop on his own.
He says it’s my fault, that I decided to pay by myself as he was under the influence and unable to consent. Now he’s bringing it up constantly since yesterday that I have to “reimburse him” or “find a way to pay off my debt”.
The issue is we’ve got a joint account and my entire salary goes there, we’re both taking an amount for a month for basic needs only (to save money for our place not because we’re struggling financially, we’ve got some savings, he’s bringing more money than I do as he’s older and has more work experience so he works on a higher position).
I /could/ find a second job on top of the one I do full time or sell some of my stuff like books or idk stop eating but I feel like that’s completely unfair. But maybe I’m in the wrong and am acting the victim, idk.
So, AITJ for paying for the detox from our joint finances?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. On top of his being a binge drinker and (quite probably) an addict, he’s gaslighting you by blaming you for spending jointly-held money on his care and well-being. You’ve behaved in a mature and adult manner.
Don’t allow him to make you doubt yourself.” Individual_Ad_9213
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If anything, he should be reimbursing you for 2,5k. It is on him, not you. He is now literally blaming you for his shortcomings – is that the life you want?
I would move your salary away from the joint account, and only participate in it for actual household costs.” remuliini
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I’m sorry to say this but as long as you’re around he’ll always have someone to blame, you’d have to leave for him to realize that there is nobody to blame but himself.
Addiction is about unlearning, reshaping, & learning, unlearn the bad habit, reshape yourself mentally, & learn something good to replace the bad habit.” PreciousLittleLight
16. AITJ For Suspecting My Partner is Using Me Financially Like His Ex?
“To begin with, my partner was in a relationship of 7 years with another girl.
He is six years older than me, and it just so happens that they also had the same age gap. Even though she wasn’t working, she came from a wealthy family and in that time she used that money to support him financially. They broke up for seemingly unrelated reasons, however I find that a year into our relationship- he has only been able to hold a job for two months.
We were out of the country for part of the time, and even though I was able to help him get some opportunities to do online work- he overslept on his interviews more than once. I am seriously considering leaving.
Although he is looking for jobs, he rarely gets responses it seems- until I am the one helping him look for work, and when I do he always gets a response but does not always follow through on his end (making the interview, etc.) I am starting to become concerned that he wants me to become comfortable with the idea that he will not work (or only work on creative projects, which are for free- very low pay, or offer him a lot of money only for that to never actually come to fruition) and that I am kind of being conditioned to just accept that reality.
On the other hand, he has been diagnosed with depression- so in recent days I have been considering helping him get therapy, which he wants (which would just be USD 20 per session in his country), and that perhaps I would see a change in him for the better?
He can be very loving and sweet when he wants to be, I do not want to leave him if this is all a result of his depression- but I feel like I may be blind and being taken advantage of, somehow not understanding that.
AITJ for thinking that he is likely wanting to recreate his past relationship with me. That he is using me financially and that he has no real intentions of changing his behavior?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s six years older and mooching? He must be extremely funny or good-looking!
Your instincts are spot on. He might want to be a stay-at-home partner. Have an honest discussion about it. If that is ok with you, acknowledge it and accept that you will support him financially. If it’s not ok, tell him.” Squiggles567
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sure, you made an assumption based on his past relationship, but his behavior (missing interviews) proves that you were right. In an entire year, he’s only worked for 2 months??? You need to stop subsidizing him. If you don’t want to break up with him, then maybe you can offer to pay for a few therapy sessions, but nothing else (and if you’re living together, then you or he should move out).
Perhaps having to support himself will be the kick in the pants he needs to follow through and change.” no-thanks-0
15. AITJ For Prioritizing My Feelings Over My Partner's After My Ex's Family Moved In Next Door?
“I have rented my home since 2022, recently the house across the street was sold.
Come to find out my ex’s family bought it, what are the odds? Me and my ex broke up over 4 years ago because the relationship was abusive I ghosted them and went incognito. They harassed me for months trying to get me to talk to them, but eventually, things went silent.
So imagine the trauma I felt when I saw them moving in.
It’s been a couple of weeks and coming home has been stomach-churning, to say the least. I try and sneak in and out without being seen. If I see them outside I circle blocks until they leave and I try to come home late at night.
The idea of them knowing I live there is devastating as I’ve gone to great lengths to be unreachable. The only thing keeping me going is that my lease ends in 6 months.
I told my partner how this situation is affecting me and he said I was being dramatic and didn’t know why I felt so strongly about this situation.
He said I should have a forget-it attitude and not care if they see me or find out I live there. He said it made him feel uneasy that I was paying so much attention to their house. He then said, “Imagine how this makes me feel”.
I got so mad and we got into a huge fight I ended up yelling and telling him that I didn’t care how he felt, that in this situation his feelings didn’t matter and he should be supporting me through this as it’s my mental health that is being affected and my feelings are above his right now.
This was last night, now I’m reflecting, what I said was super selfish because his feelings do matter and are important and he’s right this new development has been consuming my life/emotions and I’m starting to feel guilty about what I said and fighting with him over this because no one is above anyone here.
I need to know if AITJ.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you are living in a state of extreme stress and your home no longer feels like a safe place. You are not being selfish by prioritizing your need to feel safe at home. Yes, you should be over a previous relationship if you are now with someone new, but trauma can come back and kick you in the gut whenever it is.
I imagine that your partner is feeling a bit vulnerable because thoughts of your ex are dominating your life just now. Talk to him. Let him know that this isn’t a reflection of your feelings for him, but that he has to understand the stress you are under right now.
It’s not a competition to be in pain or hurt, but you can both be there for the other. He does need to be a bit more considerate of your living situation just now, though. And six months is too long to live like this.
Start looking for another place to rent. You can’t stay invisible there for 6 months more while being in a state of fear every day.” CanAhJustSay
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Right now your feelings do matter more, and he tried to downplay your trauma instead of supporting you.
Having your back would make you feel stronger and more connected. Sit down and explain why you’re feeling so scared, and you understand his concerns but right now you need his confidence and strength to help you through this. Good luck” Less_Ordinary_8516
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and nope, you were right the first time. Your feelings are valid, you have a very concerning reason for them, and they are more important than his but what about how it makes me feel feelings? From the way you presented, his feelings are complete nonsense and probably made up just because he’s upset, for whatever reason, that you have feelings about this situation.
I would take his reaction as a very bright red flag and consider whether he has ever shown other signs of being jealous or dismissive and do whatever you will with that information.” weeblewobble82
14. AITJ For Ignoring My Mom Over My Party Invitations?
“I am a senior in high school, my mom is in her early forties and we’ve always had an on-and-off relationship because I love and appreciate my mom to bits but the stuff she does makes me want to go no contact with her at all.
This happened a few hours ago. My birthday is in June and my mom made some invitations on my behalf but sent it to me first to get my opinion. I didn’t like it that much but didn’t want to be mean. I complimented her on the idea and writing and told her I wanted to change the format (To which she replied I was being ungrateful because she spent a long time working on it, I went on a rant to explain I wasn’t and she said it was a “joke”)
After a few hours, I remade it and added some yellow and red. (Because she originally had the theme as drama and I changed it to musical theatre. The red reminds me of the curtains and the yellow because of the lights) I called her and sent it to her, at first she smiled before she made a face of disgust/disapproval. She only said it was pretty and cute before she went on and listed many things she found wrong.
We ended the call and I started to cry. (The things she judged were like: “Information should have a capital”, it wasn’t the first word by the way, she also mentioned things like: “The glow is too bright, you can barely see the picture”)
She then went on and sent me three paragraphs of things I should change.
I just told her to use her original one and left my phone. I have 10 messages and 3 missed calls. At first, she apologized and said “Let’s make it awesome together” before she started to say I was in the wrong. My grandma and aunt are taking my side but I still wonder, AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“Either NTJ or no jerks here. I’m not sure based on the info given. This doesn’t bode well for the party/ party planning at all. Are you sure you want to have one that your mom/ family will be at? Can you sit down with your mom and go over some boundaries that may be helpful to you both?
Ways to communicate better and be nicer to each other? Side note, I remember getting in lots of fights with my mom growing up once I became a teenager to about age 21-22. Thanks, hormones! I was a brat and picked on the littlest of things.
I am sure I tried my mom’s patience and I’m sure she said some not nice things back. We have since had a great relationship. Good luck OP! I hope you have a great birthday!” Trick_Delivery4609
13. AITJ For Not Fully Funding My Sister's College Education?
“My family fell on some hard times like many other families did during recent times. Our father passed away, and he was the sole source of income, and our mother is on disability. My mom will be 51 in June, and my sister will be graduating next year.
My mom just does not have the funds to pay for her college and my mom asked if I would be willing to cover my sister’s college expenses. I told my mom I could offer a little help but I had to prioritize my wife and kids first and foremost.
My mom tried to guilt trip me into saying this is what our dad would want, and they paid for my true education. I tried to explain that back when I went to college it was much cheaper, I also had scholarships and grants lined up so their out-of-pocket expense was minimal on their end.
My mom told me I am being extremely selfish to ignore how things are just much harder for kids now. Which I also accept, but I have my own family’s needs to focus on. After a lengthy back and forth she asked me to leave, I told her I loved her and left. She said nothing in return.
I got home and started to think about the situation. My family is well cared for and provided for, we have minimal debt outside of our home and my wife’s car. Our expenses are manageable both my wife and I make good money.
I looked over the numbers I could reduce what I contribute to my retirement and investment accounts, currently, I max out my 401k and keep a small percentage as discretionary income.
If I don’t contribute to my retirement, and investments, and throw in my discretionary income I can afford to pay for her to attend her dream school.
Like my dad used to say you can always make money back, but I don’t know. At the core, I know I should not feel bad but I do.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Are you in the US? With your father gone and your mother on disability, she’s likely to get a substantial financial aid award. There’s no reason for you to cover the full cost of tuition outright. A fair compromise would be to help her find grants and scholarships like you did, help your mother fill out FAFSA, and then sit down with both of them to discuss her award packages when they come in.
If you can help them cover the family contribution or offer her a no-interest loan, you would still be giving her a leg up that many, many students don’t get.” Easthampster
Another User Comments:
“NTJ That said, there’s a lot of middle ground between covering all your sister’s expenses and doing nothing.
If you can provide Sis with some guidance on her financial planning, and take on a specific expense or set of expenses (maybe do her books, her dorm and meal plan, or a set amount of her expected family contribution), that could be good for the relationship while preserving some financial boundaries.
You don’t have to strip yourself of savings and discretionary money to help. And you should be urging is to look for opportunities to save, get grants or scholarships, find suitable jobs, and consider cheaper schools.” Amiedeslivres
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have your own family that you have to take care of, it’s completely understood that everything is now different and you have children and a family.
Edit: Read more about your situation. Still NTJ, you don’t have to give any money if you don’t want to. I would have the sister just simply ask you for a loan and she can pay it off with increments or just help around like watching the kids and do something to help you along the way.” GhostPantherAssualt
12. AITJ For Giving My Brother's Neglected Cat To His Ex?
“My fiancé (32M) and I (31F) live in a two-family home with his brother (Adam) and new wife (Martha) as our neighbors.
Before Adam met Martha, he was in a 3-year relationship with Vicky. Together they owned two cats. They ended up breaking up, and Adam kept both cats.
A few months later, Adam met Martha and quickly married. They then got a kitten and since then, one of the original cats (Luc) started pooping outside of the litter box. Adam and Martha started leaving Luc outside to “teach him a lesson”.
Whenever I saw this happen, I’d bring Luc into my home until Adam was there to take him back in.
The neighbors on our block have also made comments that they’ve seen Luc meowing by their door to be let in at night.
Last week, after I found Luc again, my fiancé asked Adam and Martha in person if they still wanted the cat since they kept leaving him outside.
Verbatim, Martha says “I don’t want that darn cat. He is disgusting”. My fiancé then tells them both that we will give the cat a home. Both Adam and Martha don’t contest.
My fiancé and I then buy all the necessary cat supplies.
We decide to house him to find him a permanent loving home. After a week, Adam tells me that everything is going well now that Luc is gone. That day, we decided to message Adam’s ex, Vikki, to see if she would like to keep the cat.
We thought that asking Vikki first would be the right thing to do since Luc knows her, and since he was her cat for some time. We also know that Vikki is a responsible and loving pet owner. Vikki was a former vet tech. She was so appreciative that we took Luc in, and was thrilled to keep him.
Adam and Martha are upset that we gave the cat to his ex. They disliked our rationale and asked, “You couldn’t find anyone else to give the cat to?”
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ 100% They didn’t want the cat & were okay with you rehoming him.
He was probably toileting outside the litter box because he was unhappy. “She was so appreciative that we took Luc in, and was thrilled to keep him.” You ensured Luc would have a home with someone he knows who will love & care for him.” Apart-Ad-6518
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But Adam and Martha are giant gaping raging jerks. I knew exactly what kind of people they were as soon as I read that they started leaving Luc outside to teach him a lesson (what the actual heck). They don’t give a darn about Luc.
They don’t view him as a living, feeling creature. They just see him as a commodity and would rather see him suffer and potentially die on the streets than allow Vikki to have any happiness from having him back.” Nessule
11. AITJ For Insisting On Sticking To Our Visitation Schedule Despite My Husband's Last Minute Changes?
“I work Sundays and go to my parent’s place every weekend (usually Sunday evenings after work) and his parents (Saturdays) every other weekend (so two parents’ places in one weekend every other week) and feeling like we had no time to ourselves on weekends, my husband decided to rotate our weekend schedule to his parents the first Saturday, my parents the second and the third we have to ourselves.
This has worked out for the past month and a half. I agreed to try this out.
The last time we were both at my parent’s place and as we were leaving, I mentioned that we would be coming again in three weeks. Over the past few weeks, when I spoke to them I mentioned that we would be coming on Saturday.
The problem started this past week when his dad caught a cold. We decided that it would be best if we stayed home. Our washing machine was broken, so we took care of that. I had a brief conversation with my mom and she asked us if we wanted to come over that day, but I decided not to because it was such short notice.
My husband spoke to his family and told them that we would be coming over this coming Saturday – the same Saturday that, based on the rotation schedule set by my husband would be at my parents. I was not aware of this change in plan until today.
My husband says that he added it to the shared calendar so I should have known but unfortunately, I did not see it.
When we had the conversation today, I thought that it was unfair to change plans after making them. Especially since it was based on a schedule he had decided on.
He thinks I’m being ridiculous because there was a special circumstance that caused the scheduled rotation to change.
So, AITJ for sticking to this verbal schedule we made and going to my parent’s place instead of to my in-laws because it was added to the shared calendar?
Some background info:
1. Before my husband and I got married, he used to go see his parents once every two months. Since I lived with my parents and had a close relationship with them, I found it hard not to see them as often anymore so we decided to go weekly to my parents and every other week to his parents.
2. Before we set this schedule, my husband didn’t always make plans in time to see his parents every other week so sometimes it wasn’t three weeks before we saw them
3. My brother/parents are busy the next couple of Saturdays so if we don’t go this Saturday, we won’t see them until Mother’s Day.
We are free to go see our parents whenever we like.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your husband is a jerk for trying to change YOUR plans without asking you. Go to YOUR parents as planned. Let him go to his parents if he wants. That gives you extra free days without parents if each goes to their parents.
And: Your schedule sounds crazy. Plan MORE couple’s time and less parent’s time. And split up sometimes, that’s more efficient.” Excellent-Count4009
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think your husband should have rescheduled both visits without your input like that. It’s just dragging your parents’ schedule around a bit too much.
Like if you plan to see them this weekend, and then last minute you say, ‘Oh sorry, now it’ll be NEXT weekend” then what if they already made plans for next weekend? Do they have to cancel those plans now? It’s just confusing and unstable.
I think it’s better to just set the date and stay with it. If you can’t be there because someone gets sick I think it’s better to just leave the whole schedule the same and see them on the next round.” Reasonable-Sale8611
10. AITJ For Refusing To Help My Unprepared Brother-In-Law Move Again?
“So I’m early 30s, and BIL, “Joe” is 6 months behind me. Two years ago he asked for my and my wife’s help to move him and his partner into a new place. He didn’t have a driver’s license and I had a small truck so I decided to get a U-Haul, paid for it, and headed over.
He and his partner were not even packed. The place was a wreck. Junk thrown everywhere. It took longer to pack all of the stuff up(in trash bags of course) than move the stuff. I was livid. He and his partner split about 6 months later and he didn’t have a place to go so we let him stay with us but again he needed to move.
I refused to pay for a U-Haul again and when we got there he wasn’t packed, again. It took 5 vehicles to load up his stuff. When he eventually moved out of our place(8 months later and after kicking him out) same thing, only this time he had a driver’s license, since we forced him to get one while living here after 6 months, but he still didn’t get a U-Haul.
Now, he’s moving yet again, only this time it’s him, his 3-year-old (he doesn’t have full custody, but lots of her stuff), his partner, and her two young kids. They asked my wife for help moving on a Monday. She agreed and Joe asked if they could use my truck.
Nope. Their wife told him to get a U-Haul and he’s mad, and so is MIL. I’m refusing to help because I know he won’t be packed. The partner has to work Monday so won’t be there to help. So they want my wife and I to pack there junk and move it in 10+ loads with just my truck.
Their wife called him today to see if he’s packed and he’s not, she told him to start but let’s be real…I’m refusing, not letting them take advantage of me. My wife says I’m a jerk for making her do it by herself, and I say he’s a jerk for taking advantage of her kindness and she should refuse too.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results. Offer to help if the place is packed and ready to go when your wife gets there. But you need photographic evidence before you arrive or you won’t help.” onecrazywriter
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and your wife are just enabling him. She’d be better off offering to look after the kids while he hires some movers by the hour. Having to pay them will make a huge difference in how long he takes to get ready.
If she insists on helping him, maybe offer to go over once he’s packed to save the peace. But nothing wrong with choosing not to help at all. He’s used up all his goodwill” Queasy_Mongoose5224
Another User Comments:
“NTJ My family moved constantly.
I learned very early to offer help with stipulations. You need to be fully packed before I show up. I walked into a sibling’s house saw that they were not even close to ready and immediately left. This many moves so close together is more than anyone should be expected to “help” with.
BIL needs to start tapping another source. And you need that bumper sticker that says “Yes this is my truck and no I won’t help you move.” minimalist_coach
9. AITJ For Giving My 3-Year-Old Niece Spicy Food?
“I (25F) am currently living with my sister (31F) her husband, and her daughter (3F).
I was in the dining room eating some leftover Thai food, when my niece came up to me and asked if she could try some of my food.
I say, “Are you sure? It’s spicy.” She replies that she likes spicy. That isn’t something I’ve ever heard her say, but I’ve never known her to be a picky eater, so I tell myself it’s probably fine. I hand her a green bean and she eats it, says she likes it, then leaves.
A few minutes later my sister and niece come back into the room, my niece’s face is red and I can see tears in her eyes. My sister very sternly asks me “Did you give her some of your curry? You should have known it’s way too spicy for a 3-year-old, that was irresponsible.
What were you thinking?” After my niece walked away she started to struggle with the heat, and unfortunately ended up touching her eyes (I guess I should have warned her not to do that).
My sister and I are fine, I apologized to her and my niece, but I feel bad about the whole situation still.
I feel bad that my niece ended up being overwhelmed by the spice and ended up with stinging eyes, but I can’t help but feel like I was treated a little unfairly.
I was eating a “2 out of 5 chili peppers” green curry, and it’s not like I gave her a spicy bean because I thought it would be funny to see a 3-year-old sweat.
My sister and brother-in-law have never had an issue with me sharing food with her before, and she’s usually pretty adventurous with her food, so I’m pretty sure the food sharing wasn’t the issue.
Being called irresponsible just got to me more than it should, because I don’t feel like I was acting that irresponsibly.
I’m not sure what to think, was I actually out of line or did my sister overreact?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here as you seem to have permission to give her food, but don’t trust a 3-year-old’s words over your judgment. Not all 3yo’s know what spicy means.
Black pepper is spicy to some, as is mustard and chili. I’d check in with Sis if your instincts tell you not to share food, but the 3yo is making you feel guilty for not sharing. ” Squiggles567
Another User Comments:
“NTJ there’s nothing wrong with letting her try something she’s never tried before.
My son started eating spicy food around that age too. I was a bit hesitant at first but he loved it. He’s 12 now and still loves to eat spicy food. I don’t think you were irresponsible at all. Maybe you could have asked a parent first, but that’s about it in my opinion.” WifeofBath1984
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here It’s fine to give kids spicy food, it’s how they learn whether they like it or not. In the future keep in mind that kids are dumb and touch their faces so you should make them use silverware and/or insist that they wash their hands with soap immediately after using their hands to eat something spicy.
I make my kids wash their hands anyways so they don’t touch other stuff in my house with hands covered in food It won’t permanently injure her, it’s fine, kids do stupid stuff like that all the time” Errvalunia
8. AITJ For Wanting To Count Calories Despite My Roommates' Disapproval?
“I (20f) will be living with my friends ( Megan 20, Caroline 21, and Bri 21) this coming fall in an apartment.
We have lived together before and enjoyed it however, I have started trying to lose a bit of weight by working out a little bit and mostly counting calories and eating better. I have lost some weight but was around 215 pounds at my heaviest. I have been feeling a lot better as I have had a history of disordered eating and an overall unhealthy relationship with food.
For context, I know that I weigh the most out of all my roommates and all of them are aware of my desire to be healthier (although one of them, Megan, has expressed her belief that I shouldn’t try and lose weight since she is a firm believer that being overweight or fat isn’t something I should worry about).
Bri and I have both shared how our moms have pushed us at a young age to lose weight and how it’s affected our relationship with working out and eating.
I do want to lose weight, but my main focus is just to eat better and feel better.
Another one of our roommates, Caroline, has counted calories in the past for a week or two and both Bri and Megan expressed their disapproval. Bri, understandably, called out Caroline when she started announcing the calories of our meals out loud to all of us and Caroline apologized and stopped immediately.
She continued to count calories and Bri and Megan didn’t say anything else about it.
I do plan on counting calories- however, I don’t plan on announcing how many calories I am eating or letting them know any number associated with it including my weight.
I just want to let them know that I am planning on doing this and if they see me weigh out my food, it is not anything directed towards them and only for me to feel better. Would I be the jerk if I told them my plans?”
Another User Comments:
“Wow, you have “friends” who get offended when one of you tries to lose some weight and feel better by limiting food calorie intake? You realize how insane this sounds, even your parents can’t tell anything a 20-year-old adult about their food diet but here you call them friends and one of them even discourages you from doing so because SHE thinks that you are as good as you are when you want to change.
So those friends do not support you and Caroline but get offended when you do something healthy. Do you think you need to ask who is the jerk here? NTJ.” forgeries
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But I wouldn’t open the can of worms, just quietly measure out your food.
Don’t tell them you’re monitoring the calorie content if it’s going to start an argument. Instead, say something like you don’t want to cook up more than you’re going to eat and end up with waste or that you’re following a recipe and want to be accurate (helps if you have a “recipe” written down or on your phone as you make your meal).” Professional_Ruin953
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. How you approach food is not their business, especially as you’re clear you’re not going to comment on their food habits and it’s purely personal. It sounds like Megan is trying to avoid being fatphobic and doesn’t want to reinforce any problematic relationship with your body (some people believe encouraging friends who are trying to lose weight means you are agreeing that their current body needs to be changed).
So maybe you could have a conversation with her directly where you reiterate that weight loss is what you want for yourself and her support isn’t something you’d take offense to. Sharing a living space is difficult, especially if you share your meals, but ultimately they have to respect your right to eat the way you’re most comfortable.” Novel_Experience5479
7. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit My Husband's Kids On His Custody Days?
“AITJ that I don’t want to watch my husband’s 2 kids since both he and bio mom (BM) work Friday and Saturday nights?
The BM is moving and she will no longer have her roommate there to watch them (really it’s just their 9-year-old daughter, they have a 15-year-old son but he doesn’t need a babysitter) so she just TOLD my husband that the custody dates are changing to every Friday and Saturday instead of every Sunday and Monday.
For more information- When this custody arrangement was made (after the divorce), she had a normal 9-5 job and he has had this same schedule for years, even when they were married.
My husband and I have an 11-month-old but I tend to go to my parent’s house on Friday nights to hang out with them so they can see our baby.
The husband is not thrilled at all with the custody schedule but feels he would rather them be at our house, even if I won’t be there all of the time, than alone at her house. Plus their 9-year-old daughter doesn’t have a bedtime on weekends/summer so it’s not even like OK well I just have to do this until bedtime.
There are times she will probably (and has in the past) stay up until he gets home. I have told my husband this is the hill I will die on and I have slept the last two nights at my parent’s house. The BM does not allow me to have a more “bonus mom” role, we get yelled at any time I try to correct her (ask her to say thank you, etc).
Sorry, I know this is all over the place but I just don’t feel like it’s my responsibility and the fact that he and I weren’t even asked we were told is not OK. He just doesn’t feel like dealing with standing up to her because she will scream and cuss etc. They have gone through mediation for child support which lists what the custody right now is (the Sunday and Monday nights.).”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ use your words. “It has been made clear that I am not a bonus mom. I am also not a babysitter. When making custody decisions and child care plans, do not include me in the mix.” Make him nod his head to indicate he understands.
If BM attempts to drop kids off when he is not home do not allow her to leave them. If he attempts to leave when they are there, tell him he is required to take them with him.” BenedictineBaby
Another User Comments:
“OP, BM is completely out of line.
Take her back to mediation if she insists on this. Call her bluff. She has no rights and needs to grow up. As for her cursing, hubs needs to not let himself worry about his ex’s fits. Prioritize kids and the plan. Deal with her coolly.
If it’s back to the courts, so be it. Bet she’ll find her solution real quick. Dad sounds like he’s hanging on by his fingernails with everything, his ex is trying to sabotage an agreed-upon, livable solution. Sticking to the plan would be best for him and his kids.” Greyhound89
6. AITJ For Telling My Friend's Brother About His Unpaid Debt to Me?
“Me (23M) and my best friend (23M) just had our biggest fight today.
My best friend always ends up in financial problems and keeps borrowing funds from me or others. He always gives the funds back but never on time, from days to weeks to even months.
A bit of backstory here, he recently had a debt of 25k dollars and I helped him borrow the funds from a third friend.
After a few months of him struggling to give back, we all decided that it was best to involve his big brother. We ended up asking for 30k from his brother as he wanted 5k for himself.
Now he borrowed 1.5k dollars from me and was supposed to give it back 4 days ago.
He is the type of person to beg for funds but acts like a jerk right after he has got the funds just because he thinks it’s funny. I urgently needed half of it and he said he would give me half today and the rest when the week ends.
Today he started saying that he would give me half of the funds next month as a joke. I got irritated and told him that I would tell his big brother if I did not receive half of the funds today. After only receiving 400 dollars.
I told him that I would tell his brother to press him. He told me that was fine and that I would make the situation easier because then I get the 1,5k and he could keep the 1,5k he was supposed to give back. I asked him multiple times if it was okay and he said yes.
So I went and told his big brother as this was not the first time going to his brother because of his fund’s problems and because he legit told me to ask his brother. Now he is angry at me for “snitching” and that I should have known he was joking about me going to his brother.
He is super angry and doesn’t wanna talk to me again. Am I in the wrong here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for escalating your issue, but you need to make this issue go away by growing a steel spine and just saying ‘No’ to any request for funds in the future.
Once his debt with you is zero, you just need to practice saying ‘No!’ Practice in the mirror, etc. You need to never again say ‘Yes’ to this so-called friend. There is no longer any reason valid for allowing yourself to be used anymore.” Complete_Special_721
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Him for doing everything described above, and you for not learning your lesson the first few times. If you lend money to someone once and they have problems paying it back (on time, ever, doesn’t matter), you don’t do it again.
That he has a history of behaving a certain way means you should’ve seen this happening again, so YTJ to yourself for putting yourself through this again. Do whatever it takes to get your money back, or as much as possible, then cut this “friend” off.” jedirieb
5. AITJ For Jokingly Calling My Aunt a "Thing" During a Family Introduction?
“My aunt (51F) and I (30F) have always shared a jokey relationship. During a recent wedding planning meeting with family, as everybody was leaving, my future sister-in-law asked how everyone was related. I go on to say, “This is my mom’s mom, this is my dad’s mom, etc.”.
I then jokingly reference over to my aunt and say, “And then we have this thing”. It was said playfully, I immediately followed it up with “I’m just kidding” and everyone laughed and we moved on as normal.
However, 2 days later, my mom informed me that my aunt was deeply upset by my comment and demanded an apology.
My mom says that my aunt is being ridiculous and that she doesn’t even remember what the joke was but just told me to text my aunt and apologize. I immediately texted her, apologizing for any offense caused and explaining it was meant as harmless teasing.
I told her that I loved her and that I was super sorry. She never responded.
7 more days go by, and she still doesn’t respond. My mom is over and helping me with wedding decor. My aunt (her sister) calls her for their usual daily gossip session.
Since I haven’t heard from my aunt and I very much don’t want her to be mad at me, I take the phone to talk to her. She immediately starts screaming at me, refusing my apology, berating me not to talk to her anymore, saying how disrespectful and rude I am, and then hangs up.
I’m in tears trying to call her back and she just ignores me but then proceeds to text my mom how messed up it was of me to call her a “thing” and that she won’t get over this.
My mom and I are just in disbelief at how big of a deal this is being made into.
I understand that I could be a jerk for making a joke about her but we have said things & made jokes FAR FAR worse than this and just don’t understand what is going on.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The relationship you have with your aunt was a relationship where you felt jokes were okay.
You made a joke about your aunt, clearly showing the close relationship you have with her. Your aunt got offended and should’ve acted like an adult just telling you it hurt her feelings. You apologized after hearing she was upset, and she decided to ignore you.
She’s taking it too far. It was a joke, you apologized, and she decided to not be an adult but rather scream at you. If she doesn’t want you in her life anymore, then give her that. Don’t interact with her. She’ll come around and regret it.
It’ll be your decision to forgive her though. She’s acting like a child.” XxSereneSerpentxX
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here IMO when you made the joke in front of a new family member, and it sounds like the first time meeting her, you overstepped her boundaries unknowingly in a time and place where she was very uncomfortable with it.
And then later on she did completely overact by screaming at you in return when she should have accepted your apology and moved on. In a way, I would say NTJ for not meaning it, but not meaning something still has an impact on others, so I’m going to stick with a very marginal Everyone’s a jerk here” RX3874
4. AITJ For Not Apologizing To My Friends For Walking Off To Pick Up My Brother?
“I (15F) had to pick up my brother (10M) from his school after I finished school. I told my friends this and they went with me.
I was with 4 of my other friends.
When we were walking, 3 of my friends were walking slowly so I just walked off and one of my friends caught up with me so we went together. I’ll call that friend Amy. So Amy and I went to get my brother from school together while the other 3 were way behind us.
After I got my brother they caught up and got mad at me and Amy for “speeding off”. Amy’s best friend (I’ll call her Rebecca) asked Amy why we walked off. Amy told her that she didn’t want to leave me out. Rebecca made it seem like she was mad at Amy so Amy and I walked off with my brother.
Amy, my brother, and I finally got to my house and one of our other friends (I’ll call her Mila) texted me and asked if we were at my house. I said no because I was about to leave again to drop my brother off at my grandma’s.
I didn’t know that Rebecca, Mila, and our other friend were on my street so Amy, my brother and I just walked off to my grandma’s. We didn’t say anything to Mila or Rebecca and just left. Amy and I thought that Rebecca was mad at us but they weren’t.
They thought we were mad at them but we also weren’t.
Today Amy apologized to them for walking off and told me to do so too. I didn’t think I was in the wrong so I’m not going to apologize for walking off. I did apologize for lying and saying we weren’t at my house when we were but that’s all I’m willing to apologize for.
So AITJ for not apologizing to my friends for walking off?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You had a responsibility to pick up your brother and it sounds like you were just focused on that. It’s cool you apologized for the little fib about being home, but you don’t owe an apology for handling your priorities.
Maybe just clear the air with your friends so everyone’s on the same page next time.” ChrisSulawko
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You have nothing to apologize for. you had an appointment to pick your brother up, they were dilly-dallying. Something that would have no ramifications for them, but only for you if you were too late and didn’t manage to pick up your brother.
The whole thing is just miscommunication on everyone’s part. Sit down with your friends and explain to them that you were not mad at them, but that you HAD to pick your brother up, as you had already told them. And that them walking slowly, as if they were window shopping, was risking you being too late so you had to speed up.” Scary-Cycle1508
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but there is a such thing as being anti-social or passive-aggressive, and in a way both groups of you and your friends were. If your friends are walking slowly, and you need to walk faster to make it to pick up your brother on time, you turn to your friends and say in a nice, fun, pleasant way “Hey, we have to walk faster or my brother will be standing there all alone when school gets out.
Let’s go!” and everyone either happily picks up the pace, or they say they’d rather walk slowly, or tell you to go alone up ahead SOMETHING. They were weird for not picking up the pace to match you. You were weird for not acknowledging breaking off from the group.
A simple “Hey guys, I have to go up ahead or I’ll be late to pick up my brother. I’ll see you guys in a few minutes.” would have avoided all this.” Mediocre_Wheel_5275
3. AITJ For Wanting to Sell the House My Sister Lives in Rent-Free?
“I (F30) left home from the town I grew up in at 21, and my older sister (F32) for university at 18.
My dad passed away in a car accident before I was born and mum never remarried. My mum and I were very, very close but mum and my sister had a very bad relationship.
Four years ago, my sister actually moved back to our hometown, got married, and has just had her second kid.
I am a lesbian and engaged to my future wife, the town is not a great place for queer folk, so it isn’t a place we are ever going to live.
Two years ago my mum passed away and the house was put in my name.
I offered to let my sister and her family live there free of charge. They took the offer and bought a house with a mortgage that they are renting out and putting their payments toward. (They are still a long way off paying it off)
My fiance and I want to buy a house where we currently live, stop renting, and start a family.
If I sell the house, we will be able to buy a small house outright and we will not need a mortgage. But that would mean evicting my sister to sell the property.
I tried to very gently bring this topic up and she blew up at me, saying that this is unfair, not fair mum gave me the house rather than splitting it, putting her out, etc. I will add that I told her this would not be a permanent thing.
They will be put out financially, but this won’t happen for another 12 months. They will need to cut back on lifestyle spending, but they won’t be struggling.
A few of my family members aside from her are calling me selfish. I don’t have a family to support, I’m just lucky to have been given this house, she got ripped off, I should be more accommodating and think of her kids, etc.
WIBTJ if I sold the house?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom left it to you. You’ve allowed her to live there rent-free for two years. What would you have been renting it out for at fair market value? Even if it is $1000/month, that alone is $24,000 that she saved. Assuming she is using the rental income from the property she owns to pay that mortgage down, that is equity YOU helped HER build, while personally gaining nothing.
But she would have you continue to pay rent, so she can live for free, while building equity (again, for free from her renter). That’s a lot of having her cake and eating it too. Any family members who want to complain need to have this explained to them, and they are welcome to house her and her kids.
You’re not obligated to.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The house was left to you by your mom, and if your sister wants to stay there so badly, she can buy it from you. Your sister has a house and is making a profit on rent while she has lived rent-free and saved money because you were kind enough to let her stay in the house your mom left you.
Instead of being grateful she is saying you’re selfish. That’s rich. You need to give your sister an eviction order. And you are entitled to make good financial decisions for your happiness. Go ahead and sell the house, move away, and live your life – you DO have a family, yourself, and your fiance.
Take care of yourself and your partner.” mban4
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your mom who was the jerk for leaving one of her kids out of the will for personal reasons. Be better: Do what you want with your property, but consider that your sister should get a reasonable share of the value of the home in the end, beyond the free rent she’s already received from you.” HotTakes4Free
2. AITJ For Hiding My Friend's Glasses As A Prank And Accidentally Damaging Them?
“Me (15F) and my good friend Reese (16M) usually mess around a lot in gym class because there wasn’t a structure to the class (it was a two-hour study hall).
That day our messing around escalated.
It started when we were stealing and hiding each other’s phones, which was pretty typical for our jokes, there was no ill intent. After Reese took my phone, I decided it would be funny to take his glasses and hide them on top of our bleachers that were folded up at the time.
It was all fun and games until we got to the end of the period and I tried to return them. Reese was at the end of the bleachers, so I thought I could just slide them over to him across the top, but this did not work.
The glasses fell in the small space between the bleachers and the wall. It was too small for us to reach any hands through and get them out on our own, so we would get the gym coach to try and help us. However, we had lunch directly after gym class and it was already time to go when this happened, so we decided to ask after lunch.
When we went, tensions were high. Reese was stressed about possibly needing a new pair of glasses and I was terrified because I would be the one responsible if they were broken. I spent most of lunch in tears and couldn’t eat because I had so much guilt.
After lunch, we went to one of the gym coaches and explained the situation. He got this sort of broom that I think cleans the gym (I’m not sure what it was but it had a long stick at the end). He stuck it between the bleachers and the wall to try to push it out from behind, but with the bleachers closed we couldn’t even see where the glasses were.
He said we could open the bleachers but it might crush the glasses depending on where they were. But after we opened the bleachers we were able to see the glasses (not broken).
The coach worked on trying to fish them out while I held my phone’s camera and Reese’s phone flashlight to try and get a better view of them.
Reese was standing there, just panicked (reminder, he could not see). After a while, we were finally able to get them out. However, the lenses were badly scratched and the part that connects to the frame had loosened and later snapped. I had no idea what to do but we had to go to our next class, we were already late for this whole thing.
Reese could still see with the glasses, but due to all the scratching, it wouldn’t stay viable. I knew I was responsible for helping him pay for any replacements, but due to some money struggles within my family, I was unable to help more than a few dollars.
(I did not realize how expensive glasses are omg) He said it would be okay if I couldn’t pay, but I sensed a shift in our friendship, it just wasn’t the same. After explaining it to our mutual friend Leo (15M), he said I should’ve never done what I did in the first place and that the whole situation was just really wrong of me.
I just feel so horrible and am not sure what to do. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You take away someone’s glasses that have a vision that bad, isn’t much different than stealing someone’s crutches or a visually impaired person’s cane. Furthermore, you DAMAGED his glasses to the point that the lenses will need to be replaced at the least. I suggest you apologize and find a way to pay for your mistakes before they get bigger than you can deal with.” Evening-Ad-2820
Another User Comments:
“YTJ! Messing around and hiding small objects that are not very valuable is good innocent fun, but when you take things that can be damaged and are expensive to replace such as a phone or glasses, you are taking it too far… Glasses for people who use them are a basic necessity and, thanks to your “prank” they are now damaged and your friend needs to replace them… of course you should find a way to help pay for the new ones, and of course Reese is going to be resentful and angry with you….
what did you expect?? Find a way to make a few dollars so you can actually help replace the glasses… babysitting, dogsitting, lawn mowing… things that you as a teenager can do to earn money and pay for them…” Ravenclaw
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Phones are expensive but are not a necessity.
Glasses are expensive but are essential to allow your friend to see. It’s a gentle YTJ from me though because it sounds like you’re both very silly and immature kids and you both need to learn from this and grow up, stop taking each other’s stuff and hiding it when you are meant to be working and learning in school.” leadcrow
1. AITJ For Not Wanting to Pay My Stepdad's Parking Ticket?
“I (23 only) live at home with my mom and her husband while I’m working and going to college. We live in a town house so space is extremely limited. I saved up and got my car about two months ago. We realized that in our town, across the whole town, it’s illegal to park in the street overnight.
I stressed this point to both my mom and stepdad that we needed to just go through the garage and we could fit one of our cars in there and we wouldn’t have to worry about it. My stepdad kept insisting that it would be fine and the cops don’t give out tickets.
He even took it upon himself to be the one who parked in the street even when he didn’t need to.
Come Monday, he finally got a ticket. He tells me I now have to park in the street and need to pay for it since it’s his house and it’s my fault since I decided to get a car.
My mom says she doesn’t like being in the middle of it and can see both sides. I don’t get it because I have tried to get us to go through the garage to avoid this happening since I got the car and they both brushed it off, but now that it happened, they want to blame me.
I feel like he needs to take accountability for that, right? I would’ve cleaned the garage myself, but I only have one bin in there and my stepdad is very particular about his things, so I’ve done what I could on my own. The ticket is only $40 btw.
He’s complaining that he doesn’t have the money for it. And I’ll add that my mom and I worked all day to clean the garage and could fit her car in there and he is still dissatisfied.
He keeps saying that I should pay because he pays the mortgage and I should accept it because I decided to get the car knowing we didn’t have room.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH-They knew the law and he got hit for the ticket. You knew the law and offered a way to do it and bought your car. However, the issue is the garage since you say you only have one bin in it.
What else is in there and does the garage get used for other things? If it is mostly stepdad’s stuff and would result in either him having to get rid of things or getting a storage unit then that is not your decision, is it?
If that is the only space he has then I can see also why it is an issue.” Victor-Grimm
Another User Comments:
“I’m kinda confused here, how many spaces including the garage are there? Does both your mom and stepdad have a car? Yes if it’s his house, of course, his car will get whatever space is available.
If he parked in the street knowing he’d get a ticket, that’s his fault. Although he did it for you, so probably the nice thing to do would be to pay for his ticket to keep the peace. He is right though if there aren’t enough spaces even with the garage cleared for all your cars – what were you thinking about getting another car if you can’t park it anywhere?
Without more info, I’d say YTJ.” NonamesleftUK
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You bought a car knowing that you could not park on the street in your neighborhood. I see his point. From now on, you will be parking on the street and risking the ticket.
The house belongs to them and you need to respect that. Poor decision on your behalf to buy a car and not have a place to put it. Pay the ticket.” ERVetSurgeon
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