People Are Devastated In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
20. AITJ For Refusing To Apologize To My SIL After She Criticized Our Care For My Special Needs Sister?
“I (44F) am married to my hubby, Jimmy (48M) for over two decades. My parents passed away suddenly in a car accident 10 years ago. I have a younger sister, Abigail (39F) with Down syndrome, and Jimmy and I are guardians. Abigail is my sweet angel on Earth.
When my parents passed, I was a working mother of three young kids, helping to build our family business with my husband. At first, Abigail lived with us full-time. Jimmy has always been at my side with her care and loves her to bits. After a few months, we realized that my sister needed more attention than we could give her.
There was just not enough time in the day. We discussed what would be best for her and decided to put her into a private adult home for special needs people. It’s very costly (over 10k a month) and comes from our finances. The facility does all sorts of activities and field trips.
She loves her home, her friends, and the “special” days the facility hosts. We are always stopping by to either visit, sign her out on holidays to spend with family, keep her overnight for special sleepovers with my kids, or take her on every vacation with us.
We never go more than 24 hours without one of us making sure she’s okay.
Now onto the issue. I have a sister-in-law, Jenny (42F) who had her first child after years of trying. She’s become the typical first-time mom who believes she invented motherhood and is openly opinionated about things she believes other parents fall short on.
I mostly ignore her and so does Jimmy. We hosted a BBQ at my house for Labor Day with my father-in-law, mother-in-law, Jenny, her husband, baby, and my kids. Abigail had a planned trip to the zoo and asked if she could go. Of course, we said OK.
While we were eating, Jenny turned to me and asked me where Abigail was. Her tone was more accusatory than questioning. I simply didn’t want to get into it with Jenny, so I said Abigail wanted to stay at home. Jenny then turned to her husband and said, “See this is why it won’t ever happen.” My mother-in-law asked Jenny what she was talking about.
Jenny, all snarky, said to the whole table, “We did our wills last week and knew these two wouldn’t be suitable as guardians of our baby if something happened to us. They placed her sister into a home rather than being real family to her!
I won’t let that happen to my child.” I didn’t let it show, but I was extremely hurt she could say this. Instead of yelling, I laughed at her and said, “Well that’s great news since I have zero desire to raise your kid.” More was said but that’s the gist of it.
Jenny left with her family calling me nasty names as she walked out. (I might have said a few rude words myself right back at her!)
It’s been over a month now and Jimmy is still getting nasty texts from Jenny demanding I apologize. My mother-in-law knows she overstepped with her comment but is asking me to be the bigger person and say sorry to keep the peace.
I refuse. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and Jenny is a major jerk. If she had actual concerns she should have talked to you or her brother. And if she had half a brain she would see that sometimes living in a group home is better than with family who don’t have the time or resources to properly care for or enrich the life of a person with special needs.
Sounds like you are still involved in Abigail’s life and she’s happy. That is what’s important. Also, if sister-in-law does feel this way, she doesn’t need to make it known and do so in such a hurtful and insulting way.” friendlily
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you and your husband have been doing everything right in my opinion, what the sister-in-law said was horrible and all you did was agree with what she said, in my opinion, she should be the one apologizing for her behavior.
If your sister is happy where she is and would rather go on the trip then why not let her? She can make her own decisions when it comes to where she wants to spend her time. People with Down Syndrome are just as capable of making decisions as the rest of us, sometimes people just need a little help just like elderly folks.
I hope the sister-in-law stops attacking you and your husband that’s just disgusting.” ItzzZyi420
19. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Disabled Cousin Stay In My Cruise Suite?
“I am 24F and I and 3 of my friends (23-24F) are joining my family on a cruise. We were able to capitalize on the group discount so decided to take our first post-graduate, real-job vacation at the same time as the cruise. We splurged a little and got two adjoining balcony suites so that we have our own space.
We have booked our excursions, etc. I love my family but made it clear we are not going to spend every waking moment with them. I stopped by for dinner at my grandma’s house last Sunday. One of my older cousins asked me about my reservation and I told her.
She says “Oh, then Jules (not her real name) can stay with you and the girls! She doesn’t want to be stuck with her parents!” Jules is my 20F cousin who has some physical disabilities that make it impossible for her to live independently.
Then later I overhear my older cousin and Jules talking about how Jules is just going to leave her parents and siblings and spend the trip with me.
She said she was going to pack her stuff while no one was paying attention and stay in the room with me. Jules’s disability is not and has never been an issue with me. We just grew up in different areas, and schools, and have different friend groups, I am older than her, and she can be a bit immature.
Jules’s brother comes running into the kitchen to proclaim how happy he is that he won’t have to share a bed with her during the trip because she is staying with me. Then Jules’s mom says that when we get ready to get on the boat she’ll give me Jules’s stuff for OUR room.
I said that Jules wasn’t staying with me.
Then the cousin who started it all chimes in with “Why not? Jules doesn’t want to be with her parents!” I reminded them that I was splitting the cost of the suite with a friend. I was accused of excluding her on purpose.
I was told that I was selfish and that I should have asked to room with Jules instead of friends. I said that they knew my plans from the beginning. My grandma told me that if I couldn’t look after my cousin and make sure she had a good time then I shouldn’t come.
I was shocked. THIS WAS NEVER THE PLAN. There was no way I could ask my friends to back out. My aunt says, “Well, then I guess there is no choice.
Jules will stay with you and you can ask your friend to sleep in the other room.
Jules is not going to miss being on a girl’s trip with people her age because you couldn’t put your family first.” At this point, I was seeing red. I called Jules into the room and told her and all of them. “I’m sorry but you can’t stay in my room.
My friend paid her money and I already made plans. We can hang out when we both have time but you can’t stay in my room.” She starts crying and leaves. My grandma asked me to leave! It has been a week and the family group text is quiet.
I have been getting texts telling me I was wrong. AITJ for not letting her stay?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have already made plans with a friend. Jules wasn’t invited, didn’t contribute to the room financially and you mention she can’t be independent because of her disabilities.
I am not sure if your family also expects you to take care of your cousin after you kick your friend out. The entitlement they seem to have over how you spend your vacation is insane. You’re paying for yourself, go have fun with your friends and ignore your family if that’s how they treat you.
If Jules’s mom wants her to have a girl’s trip then she should have let Jules know she could invite her friend and they could pay for their room.” Mundane-State-7306
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They don’t care about Jules having a good time. They care about THEMSELVES having a good time.
They want to dump all responsibility on you so they don’t have to deal with it. They aren’t paying for your room, you and your friend are. If they don’t like it, tough. Edit: For extra zest, try “Since when has taking care of your child been my responsibility?” Ask them if they’ll pay you a babysitting fee (cover your room, and food, and give you additional spending money) if that’s how they see you.” Dependent_Pen_6715
Another User Comments:
“NTJ how rude of your family! You and your friends went in on these rooms you can’t just be like hey my family demands my cousin stay here so even though you paid for your part I am gonna have to ask you to find somewhere else to stay cause my family demands it.
Your family is wrong your grandmother is playing favorites and unreasonable. Enjoy your time on the cruise and ignore your family. Cruise ships are huge.” Artistic_Tough5005
18. AITJ For Wanting To Modify My Late Grandfather's Guitar Against My Mother's Wishes?
“My grandfather was a talented multi-instrumentalist. He has a band and several instruments.
He recorded several albums before he passed away 17 years ago. About 10 years ago, I was gifted his Danelectro guitar. I’m a musician myself, I haven’t been able to play it because the pickups on it aren’t working properly. I had also not had many chances to play in a band since high school.
I recently joined a band and want to get it fixed up. In a couple of weeks, one of my bandmates, who works as a luthier for a second job, has offered to open it up, verify the model, and repair it for no charge, provided I source the parts if anything needs to be replaced. We think it might be a ‘59 Semi-hollow which would be worth a lot but it might be a 90s stock remake, which would be worth significantly less.
We’ll have to open it and find the serial to make sure. If it’s a legit ‘59, I’ll repair the original or replace them with refurbished classics. If it’s a remake, then I want to outfit it with some updated pickups and change the sound of it a bit.
Here’s where I might be the jerk. My mom has asked that when I get the chance, to give it to her and she’ll take it to a shop to have it repaired, citing that she doesn’t want anything to happen to it.
I don’t want to do that for 2 reasons.
1.) I would rather have someone I know personally and can trust with the memory that this guitar represents than have a stranger work on it for a lot more money and risk damaging it more.
2.) My mom has a habit of taking my things and giving them away, claiming that I forfeit claim if I leave them with her.
She’s done this with an old gaming system I hadn’t played in a long time. She’s done this with my dog. So I get the feeling that if I give her the guitar that was bequeathed to me by my grandfather’s widow/my grandmother, she will no doubt do the same.
Ever since I had shown an interest in playing music, she has invested in it, while also subtly suggesting that I play the kind of music my grandfather would play. She once forbade me from joining a band with peers in high school because the genre of music was “not the kind of music your grandfather would approve of you playing.” This is also why I haven’t told her about my latest musical endeavor yet.
It isn’t the kind of music she wants me to play, because it isn’t the kind of music he played, so she would never be satisfied.
My grandfather was by no means a world-famous musician. But he left a personal legacy that we’re all very proud of and I want to be a part of that legacy as much as my mom wants me to.
But I need to be able to write my chapter in it and I’ll never achieve that without her help. My husband says she would only give me a hard time over it if she ever found out that I modified it. But other members of my family say that the guitar should be treated as an heirloom and restored to its former glory.
WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think you’d be the jerk at all. It was gifted to you, and it sounds like you have a good plan for getting it fixed up by someone you know and trust – I think you’re the most qualified one here to decide what happens to it.
Your mother shouldn’t have a say in what happens to it since it was given to YOU, and as you say she is not to be trusted with it. I think the best way to continue your grandfather’s legacy is by staying true to your path as a musician, and the best way to honor the instrument is to give it new life, even if that means modifying it slightly.
I’m sure your grandfather would be proud of you, even if his musical taste differed while he was living!” jawsoflife888
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Instruments are meant to be played. Your grandfather’s widow gave it to you, no one else. Check out the serial number and go from there.
If it’s a ’59, get it repaired/restored properly, and if not, have the mods done. The point here is to play it. Don’t let your mother take it, because you know you’ll never see it again. It’s not going behind her back. It was left to YOU, not her.” trappergraves
17. AITJ For Leaving My Niece's Bridal Shower Early After Being Criticized For My Gift?
“One of my (50ish F) nieces (30ish F) is getting married soon.
The bridal shower was last weekend, and I attended very briefly. It was thrown by one of her college friends, call her Marissa. It was not like any shower I’d ever attended before. Upon arrival, the niece, we’ll call her Kelly, was sitting at this weird toilet paper-draped throne-like thing.
Kelly was decked out in a white dress and tiara. Marissa and her mother Annie, my sister-in-law, basically grabbed gifts from people right as they arrived and delivered them to Kelly on her toilet paper throne to open them immediately – as in before everybody even arrived, was offered a seat, or anything.
It felt like we were paying some kind of royal entry tribute to a monarch. The vibe was not what I’d ever gotten from a shower before. Kelly immediately opened my gift, which was an ice cream maker that was on her registry. She said a very curt thanks and tossed it to the side with an eye roll.
I literally heard her comment to Marissa and Annie about how cheap I’d been as I got shoved off to the side for the next arrival/gift.
Marissa cornered me a bit after that and demanded to know why I’d bought something off the friend registry instead of the family one.
I had zero idea what she was talking about. Is this a thing? Nobody told me. The invite listed two stores with registries and the bullseye one was convenient. Nothing said one was for family and one was for friends. After indicting my confusion, Marissa said I should have known which was for family and demanded I get a gift card to “make up the difference” before I embarrassed myself.
At this point, my social anxiety went through the roof. I wanted to fall through the floor. It was everything I could do to not burst into tears right there, and I excused myself right out the back door, to my car, and home so as to not make a scene.
I didn’t say my respects or go out the front because by then it was crowded with arrivals waiting to have their gift delivered to Kelly on her throne. I also just had no idea what to say.
Before I even got home, Annie was blowing up my phone for leaving and for having gotten such a tacky gift that wasn’t worthy of family.
She’s pretty close to alone in being upset about the gift, but multiple other friends and family have said I should have stuck it out and stayed.
I never even looked at the second registry until after getting home, but did discover everything on that one was quite a lot more expensive and way out of my budget.
Since when is a shower gift supposed to be significantly bigger than an ice cream maker anyway? She wanted an ice cream maker, although you’d never know it from how Kelly chucked it to the side upon opening it.
I can’t see how I’m the jerk for getting her an ice cream maker that she wanted that’s in my budget no matter what nonsense they want to say about what family deserves, but am I for getting super awkward and just leaving without saying respects or anything?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Kelly sounds like an entitled brat. Asking people to buy gifts of a certain monetary value because they are family is ridiculous- being family doesn’t magically increase your income! I’d seriously think about not attending this wedding- if she expected an expensive shower gift, what would she expect as a wedding gift?!
If someone cannot appreciate a gift for the thought (especially one they have specially chosen!) then I don’t feel like they appreciate the person who gave it- if she can’t be thankful for her gifts, then she doesn’t need to receive any more.
Don’t reward her bad behavior.” SpicyTurtle38
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your niece needs a wake-up call. Being family does not mean you get to treat people like ATMs or that they are in any way obligated to buy you extravagant gifts. Even if she had properly communicated that there were 2 registries based on family/friends, that doesn’t mean that you’re obligated to buy something out of your price range.
If I was in your shoes, I wouldn’t attend the wedding, or even acknowledge anything about her wedding, without an apology. The way they treated you was deplorable.” Taru-Shinkicker
Another User Comments:
“I would have left, too. Ungrateful gift grab, what the heck, why couldn’t she have been gracious, not everybody can afford expensive gifts.
And to be hustled off to the side by Minion Marissa to be berated and told you had embarrassed yourself by the paltry gift and had better cough up a gift card -pronto-to make up the difference! NTJ and I would “be busy” the day of the wedding and any and all peripheral festivities, too.
Lest you be hit up for another mandatory gift.” YouthNAsia63
16. AITJ For Changing Our Anniversary Trip Last Minute and Leaving My Daughter and Her Family Behind?
“My wife and I have always dreamed of celebrating our 40th anniversary with a luxurious vacation. Just the two of us, reliving the romance of our early years. We had it all planned out for years now and were excited beyond words.
Enter our adult daughter Jane.
Jane and her husband got wind of our plans and promptly invited themselves and their two children (9F, 5M) along. I originally put my foot down and told them this trip was just for us which upset her some. But my wife has a hard time saying no to Jane, as she is the youngest of our children and our only daughter, and she didn’t want to hurt her feelings, so she reluctantly agreed to let them join.
I wasn’t thrilled about it at the time, but I wanted to make my family happy, and I knew my wife was also okay with the idea of a “family” trip even if she was heartbroken we wouldn’t get our romantic trip. We went along with it.
The place we were originally going was not child-friendly so we changed course and decided on an all-inclusive family-friendly resort. We paid for the resort and our grandchildren’s plane tickets. Jane and her husband only had to pay for their airfare.
Here’s where things get complicated. As the vacation got closer, I started having a change of heart.
I realized that our 40th anniversary was a once-in-a-lifetime milestone, and I wanted to honor it in a way that was true to our original plans. My wife and I might not be able to afford a trip like this again for quite some time and it’s something we always wanted to do.
So, without consulting anyone, I switched our tickets last minute to go to the romantic destination that my wife and I had originally planned for. I did not tell Jane or her husband. I didn’t even tell my wife until the day before our flight left, which was a day before Jane’s flight left for their vacation.
It wasn’t an easy decision and I feel guilty about it. But I wanted our 40th anniversary to be the special, intimate celebration we had always hoped for.
We called Jane after we landed to tell her and she was extremely upset, to say the least. She seemed of the idea that we were going to look after our grandkids so she and her husband could have alone time and now that I abandoned her they would have to do it all themselves.
I hung up on them when my son-in-law started shouting and my wife and I enjoyed the rest of our trip.
They came back the same day we did but have not answered any of our texts and Jane seems to be ignoring me. My wife told me she vastly preferred our trip to the family trip we would have taken but she still doesn’t like how Jane is mad at us and wants me to apologize.
I’m not sure I want to after learning Jane and her husband were using us for free babysitting and a free trip but I feel like I should just to keep the peace.
Am I the jerk for changing our trip destination last minute and leaving Jane and her family to fend for themselves?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and your daughter flat out admitting she was planning to have you two be on babysitting duties during YOUR ANNIVERSARY vacation so she and her husband can get some alone time are so extremely selfish that might almost feel like a parental fail.
You have catered to her needs seems a bit too much and she has gotten the idea that YOUR world revolves mainly around her (maybe because she is your youngest?) but she is an adult person in a relationship with kids now so should understand quickly you have your relationship and life outside being her parent.
You did the smart thing, OP. If I were in your place, I’d leave the reach out to Jane to see when she will try to contact you. Communicate all this with your wife too. It is unfair what they had planned for your vacation especially when they knew you wanted alone time.
You paid for their kid’s holiday too, so you are entirely guilt-free about changing your plans.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I laughed my butt off when I read you switched back to the romantic vacation! Good for you (and your bride of 40 years!). Your daughter & SIL are entitled jerks.
I am glad the truth came out that they wanted you to be childcare for their “vacation”. I just can’t believe the nerves of some people. Congratulations on your 40th! You deserved the holiday of your dreams, not your entitled child’s dream ( your nightmare)” jeepmandanSC
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Forget the ESH and YTJ verdicts. Your daughter and husband invited themselves on your anniversary trip to get alone time. Using both of you as babysitters on your anniversary is selfish. If they want alone time, they could’ve planned their vacation and not leech off of you and your wife.” RaineMist
15. AITJ For Leaving My Family After They Trashed My Room And Publicly Exposing Their Cruelty?
“I (19F) have two stepbrothers named Dave (23M) and Jack (25M). I have one half-brother who is 9.
Growing up with them was honestly a nightmare. I don’t get along with them or their mother (my stepmom). My mom died before they came into our lives so she’s really the only ‘mother’ figure I’ve ever had.
It’d be a whole lot to get into, but in general, they bullied and teased me from the moment I met them.
Their mom played favorites quite a lot and I would get disciplined for little things like leaving a light on while their sons lived in absolute filth and didn’t shower for weeks. I was forced to get a job at 15 while my stepbrothers were allowed to live at home rent-free, with no job or college.
I moved out last year to stay at my step-aunt’s (stepmom’s sister). Almost everything I make goes to ‘rent’ a room from her and STILL contribute to chores/housekeeping for parts of the house that I’m not even allowed to use. Staying with her and still within my family’s control is the only way they would let me keep in touch and see my little brother who I practically raised. They use him to threaten me every time I do something they don’t approve of.
I went on a weekend trip with friends a few hours away. When I came back I realized that my entire family was waiting for me on the couch. Older brothers, stepmom, and my dad. All just sitting there waiting for me to walk in the door.
When I did they started yelling at me and telling me that I’d turned my location off and that they couldn’t text me because I ignored them. And “How dare I tell my friends not to respond”. Yes, they found and harassed my friends.
The whole argument turned into them following me to my room.
When I opened the door I saw the entire thing was trashed. 3-day old food, rotten bowls, plates, and old pizza boxes all piled up on my bed (which had been stripped of its sheets and was completely bare). Dirty clothes and trash everywhere. It smelled like urine.
I lost my temper at that point because I knew the stuff was my step-brother’s. When I asked why it was in there, they said that they let him and his friends play DnD and sleep there because they were in a rough spot, and “boys just get rowdy sometimes”.
Let it stand that I have OCD which I’ve learned to manage myself, but was crippling during high school and literally almost drove me off the deep end. I don’t let it interfere with other people or their lives but it very much impacts mine, and the fact that they allowed my stepbrother and his friends to trash my room KNOWING that it would basically make the whole thing a biohazard for me speaks volumes.
I slammed the door in their faces, grabbed my essentials, and left. I haven’t spoken to any of them since but now they’re accusing me of leaving my aunt without necessary income and overreacting. I responded by posting their texts to me online. Somehow the pictures found their way to my stepmom’s boss (it’s a very small town) and they’re threatening to ‘review’ her employment due to it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is the “find out” portion of the program. They treat you abominably. Do not go back there or let them make you feel bad. You are not obligated to do anything for them or anyone related to them. I am so sorry they are terrible people, but none of it is your fault.
I hope you can find a place where your boundaries are respected and are treated with the kindness and care you deserve.” RebaSpeaks2It
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I need you to talk to more people and ask for help finding a new place to live.
You don’t deserve to be homeless. You may want to talk to the police about the harassment, potential child mistreatment, and destruction of property to have some of this on record. Even if they do nothing, it’ll help your siblings. I’d strongly consider going no contact, turning off your location, even with a beloved brother if they keep weaponizing him.
He’s living in a toxic soup, but it’s going to take some work for you to be emotionally and financially able to support both of you. You need to be there for him to run to and in this world. A local church or community center might be able to help you replenish the basics.
If stepmom gets fired, stay safe. That’s not your fault.” BountyMounty
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is heartbreaking. I hope you have a safe place to stay. If not, please contact the local women’s shelter to escape this abusive situation and hopefully, they can find you some temporary housing.
They can also help you with getting restraining orders against these people. You may even be able to get that rent back as you were a tenant but that’s a secondary concern to safe housing. Please don’t keep in contact with them. You need to look after you first.” [deleted]
14. AITJ For Refusing To Delete Photos With My Best Friend's Ex From My Instagram?
“My best friend Laura and I (both F20) have never gotten into a major fight before but I’m afraid of upsetting her if I go through with this.
I moved 2 hours away from her 2 years ago. Last October, she and her longtime partner, Dylan (M20) broke up after being together since sophomore year of high school. She has been with two guys since then, and I haven’t met either of them because I haven’t visited her.
She’s told me stories about Christian (M19), her current partner. I’m friends with him on Snapchat and we’ve talked a couple of times but nothing major (I find him quite boring to talk to and I don’t think he wants to talk to me, honestly), and most of what I know about him is what she told me.
He’s only had one partner before Laura, and she was unfaithful to him.
Laura texted me this morning, asking for a favor. She said Christian was going through my Instagram page to find pictures of me and me from a few years ago. There are a couple of pictures of me, Laura, and Dylan together.
She requested that I take down the pictures that Dylan is in because Christian saw them and it “made him uncomfortable” and told me he had a nightmare about me torturing him with the pictures and I put them up in his room. Remember, I have NEVER met Christian before.
I understand where he’s coming from but I feel terrible taking most of the pictures down. One is a group photo from my 18th birthday that has most of my friends in it and it was one of the ones that bothered him. So now I have to appeal to Christian by taking down a picture that I love and cherish and reminds me of my friends who I haven’t seen in years.
One of them was also a picture from my birthday last year that my ex was in, but again, I felt like I should keep it up because it was still my birthday and I had a great time with them all, despite the circumstances of both my ex and Dylan being in the picture.
It would bother me less if she asked me “Hey, I wish you’d take down the pictures of me and Dylan from your Instagram page.” But it annoys me that it took Christian to say it, and it irks me that a guy she’s only been with since June, whom I’ve never even spoken to in real life yet, is requesting me to do this, for pictures that are over a year old.
My partner (25M) thinks I should ignore it and leave it up—he agrees it’s my page and I should be allowed to keep up pictures I want on there. However, I don’t want to fight with her. She visited me by surprise a couple of weeks ago and I would hate to be selfish for doing something I know would make her and Christian happy, but I doubt that when I do finally meet him he’ll thank me for it (or even text me his gratitude).
So, WIBTJ if I refused to take down Laura and Dylan’s pictures, do I have a right to stand down and say it’s my page and I’m not about someone who I haven’t met?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and that is a major overstep on Christian’s part and your friend’s.
If he doesn’t want to see the pictures he can… not seek them out and look at them. He was looking for trouble, found it, and weaponized it. He needs to grow up and get help and your friend should not let her insecure partner ruin her friendship.
I would tell her that her partner trying to police your social media is wrong and makes *you* uncomfortable and you will not be deleting anything. If you lose the friendship over this, it was no longer a healthy friendship anyway.” friendlily
Another User Comments:
“NTJ it is YOUR page with pictures of people YOU know. Christian could turn into another Ex and you would have deleted the pictures for nothing. If he’s that ‘uncomfortable’ over pictures taken a year ago then what other insecurities are he hiding? More pointedly why was he even going through your pictures in the first place?
Some red flags there…” Duckie_plantmom
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ it’s normal for people to put their partners before their friends – even their best friends – but it’s not normal to make demands like this. I think you should tell her I love you like a sister, I love our friendship, but those pictures are valuable to me, they’re on my page, and they have nothing to do with you and Christian.
I don’t want to delete them. If you’d LIKE TO you can offer to put them in a separate album, just to show you’re not unsympathetic about her not wanting to see pictures of her ex mixed up with fonder memories. but that’s a major accommodation, a FAVOR.
You don’t need to tell her that you find Christian’s obsession with her ex concerning – I think this would be contentious – but I certainly agree that it is so.” honcho_emoji
13. AITJ For Being Hurt When My Stepdaughter Didn't Acknowledge Me As A Mother Figure At Her Wedding?
“I (53F) recently attended my stepdaughter’s (28F) wedding. She said something I found very hurtful and I wasn’t successful in hiding my hurt, and she said I ruined her wedding.
For context, I have been in my stepdaughter Claire’s life since she was 3. Her parents split when she wasn’t 1 yet. Her dad (my husband) and her mom had a 50/50 split of custody. I started seeing him when Claire was about 2. I was a very involved stepmom but it suited us all.
Even her mom and I got along alright.
When Claire was 8, her mom passed away suddenly in a car accident. It was a shock, and understandably, Claire was devastated. We made sure she had counseling (she continued therapy until she moved out for college), and we did our best to make sure she didn’t feel like her mom’s memory was being erased.
Being a stepmom has been one of the most fulfilling experiences in my life, and I never felt the need to become a biological mother. I did it all except the first 3 years of it — in my own eyes, I was a mom. I knew I wasn’t her capital-M Mom, and I would never replace her, and I didn’t even want to.
I thought we had our own thing, and I was happy with it.
And even though I’m wracking my memory, Claire never really gave me a sign that she was unhappy or unsatisfied with our relationship. We fought sometimes but mended our fences. I’ve always strived to respect any boundaries she set and to not overstep.
She always has made me feel loved as a mother figure and celebrated me on our own made-up stepmom’s day. I’ve felt recognized and appreciated.
In the past few years, Claire met a lovely girl and they got engaged. I was and still am so happy for her.
The wedding was held this past weekend and was beautiful.
But during the toasts, Claire stood up and thanked her MIL for being so welcoming and loving, and that she especially appreciated it since she grew up without a mom. Not “her mom” but “A mom.” And then she doubled down by saying “Thank you for filling that void in my life and giving me a mother figure.” She didn’t mention me at all otherwise.
It hit me like a bag of rocks to the head. I still don’t quite get, why she would say that. Even though I tried to keep my composure, my husband gasped. We stayed through the reception and then made our way to leave.
I tried to hold it together but when Claire acted like nothing was wrong and went to hug me goodbye, I started crying a little. When she asked what was wrong, I tried to play it off, but my husband said “Your toast was thoughtless, Claire.” She got very offended so we tried to leave as fast as possible.
On Tuesday before she left for her honeymoon, she sent us a short email saying that my “hysterics” ruined her wedding. I do feel bad because I did not want her to see my reaction and wanted to address it later instead. But I do think “hysterics” is a bit much.
It was a few tears and I don’t think anyone saw it besides her, my husband, and our new daughter-in-law. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ What she said was at best thoughtless and at worst cruel. You kept your composure as well as you could.
You didn’t get upset, your husband did a little, but I can understand that. If she’s going to be upset at anyone it should be him, not you.” Quick_Persimmon_4436
Another User Comments:
“I feel like, sometimes people are just so warm and inviting and that’s just their personality and it doesn’t have to be yours, and for some reason, she decided that was more important to focus on in that giant huge moment.
Which is so unfair to you. It was super hurtful. You were there for her pretty much her entire life. You are NTJ.” jujubru
Another User Comments:
“NTJ in the slightest – yes it is her big day and she can thank whoever she wants, but her choice of words was extremely dismissive and thoughtless – not to mention the fact that if we can read the undertone and have no emotional connection, then I’m sure all the guests heard it loud and clear.” spookobsessedscot
12. AITJ For Publicly Confronting My Brother About Not Paying Rent?
“In 2012 my brother (48, now 57) and his wife lost their business (it was a restaurant; they didn’t have any experience in f&b). They had gone into significant debt and ultimately had to sell their home. Their two kids had both left for college in the 2 years prior and were kept in the dark about the details.
Our dad remarried in 2010, years after our mom passed away. Unsure what to do with our childhood home, my dad offered to my brother to move into it, rent-free, until they got back on their feet. At a family dinner, my brother offered to start paying $500 per month toward rent, and our dad told him to put it toward savings instead.
My brother said that he would and that they would save up to use it as a downpayment on the house.
In 2019 my dad and his wife retired. They don’t get a lot of money from SS and don’t have huge savings of their own.
The couple of years, they have been struggling to make ends meet. My husband and I help where we can (keeping the heating tank filled, stocking their pantry once a month, and keeping their vehicle maintained), but we have three high schoolers, so money isn’t exactly abundant.
Earlier this year, I asked my brother if he could make our dad an offer on the house. He told me that he had lost his job in 2021 and they had been living off savings and his wife’s disability check since then. I asked if he could instead pay rent, as $500 would go pretty far toward our dad and stepmom’s monthly expenses.
He said that they really didn’t have $500 each month to spend, and Dad never would have asked him to pay to live in his childhood home.
For a few months, I kept pressuring him to return to work, but he was insistent that his wife needed him at home.
She has fibromyalgia, and while this can be debilitating, she has lived independently before and I believe she could safely be home alone for a few hours a day if he was working part-time. Anyway, when we were at a family function over MEA weekend, things really came to a head.
He suggested to our dad and his wife that they should sell their current home and move into a retirement community. Our stepmom’s home has been in her family for generations and she has voiced several times that she wants to die there. She doesn’t have kids of her own to pass the home down to.
While selling it would take care of their financial difficulty, it would be heartbreaking to her.
I saw red and basically aired out his business in front of everyone–including his kids. I admit that it was likely hugely embarrassing to them and my brother’s wife, who aren’t to blame for his actions.
However, I also think that my brother deserved to be embarrassed. He left in a huff and honestly, everyone left pretty soon after that.
My dad was also embarrassed, as he didn’t want people to worry about his financial situation. I apologized to him and our stepmom, and they accepted my apology, but are urging me to apologize to my brother.
I think that if I do so, my brother will not change his ways.”
Another User Comments:
“So your brother has been living rent-free since 2010, is he also paying the taxes and upkeep? This arrangement is between your Dad and your brother correct? But since your Dad told him to save $500 a month and he didn’t there’s no money for a down payment despite 13 years passing.
Understand your frustration. Probably not the best time to air things out but it sucks that your brother thinks your stepmom should sell so they can continue to live rent-free. Understandable why you felt the family should hear “the rest of the story.” NTJ.” SnooRobots1438
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like your brother will say/do just about anything to not have to pay rent. The suggestion to pay rent would have to come from your dad, and he’s not going to do it. Sadly, he shouldn’t *have to ask (*if it’s obvious to your brother that they’re struggling after retirement, your bro should just step up!).
But telling your dad to sell your stepmom’s house is just BEYOND.” nennjau
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your brother is being a leech. Tell him he needs to find someone to help look after her if he’s that concerned and get his backside back to work, and if he thinks he’s going to be retired at his age, then he’s sorely mistaken.
How did his children react to hearing about this?” Mcdubstep21
11. AITJ For Not Tipping Fast Food Workers Who Earn More Than Me?
“I’m 21M and a proponent of tipping servers, bartenders, etc. Mostly the service industry workers who are legally allowed to be paid less than minimum wage. I follow my own rules as to how much I tip.
If I only see my server when I order and when I pay, or if they’re just downright rude or absent, I don’t leave a tip. I’ve worked as a server and I know you have to actually serve to earn a tip.
If the server does the standard server things, such as checking on you throughout the meal, refilling drinks, and stuff like that, I generally leave 15-20% depending on how much I’ve already spent on my meal. Exemplary service gets 25%+. I once had a server console my friend’s crying baby, and we all pitched in to tip her 100%.
I love the idea of tipping underpaid service workers.
Now here is where my issue lies. I’m an EMT. We don’t get paid that great, though, I’m lucky enough to be in the higher pay brackets for EMTs in my state. While still not making great money, I’ll still tip servers.
But I will not tip fast food workers. The majority of fast food places around my area pay $2-$11 more than I make an hour. With that in mind, they’re also not “serving”. They are making food, and giving out the food. I don’t find it necessary for an, at most, 15-minute transaction to warrant me paying extra money.
Someone in a social media group recently took an issue with this policy of mine.
I ordered at a local coffee place that pays baristas $17/hr. The girl behind the counter flipped the tablet around to reveal the tip screen, to which I selected “no tip”.
She then became outraged, saying that it’s always the people who’ve never worked in food service always act the snobbiest. I didn’t think I was being snobby. I worked in service jobs for 4 years before I enlisted in the military, and never had a reason to after that.
I was in my work uniform at the time, and she had my name from the order. I was then alerted by a friend that someone had seemingly made a post about me in the local gossip group. “If anyone knows Anon from blah blah EMS, you should let him know he just ruined someone’s day with the way he acted toward our young employees”.
What?! I ordered a black coffee, got my coffee, and left. I asked my friend to comment on the post and ask what I’d done wrong. The OP stated, in short terms, that refusing to tip on top of blatantly ignoring the barista made her cry, and I should have at least just pressed 10%.
For being an EMT, I’m still a pretty socially anxious guy. I do fine talking to patients, but I’m not good with strangers so much. Since then I’ve been contacted by two other people that I know in the group. One, a random relative of a guy I used to be friends with, said I should’ve just tipped. Another, my own cousin of all people, tried to get holier-than-thou and said that “the love of money is the root of all evil”.
I’ve never had anything like this happen to me before, and I don’t think I’m the jerk, but I’m not sure, it seemed quite a few people agreed with the barista. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I’m really curious what a 10% tip would have been on a black coffee.
Looks like a venti black coffee at Starbucks (which is surely the highest price, right?) would be $2.45. A 10% tip on that would be 25 cents. If someone’s day can be ruined by not getting a quarter from a customer…” Particular_Title42
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You aren’t getting table service = no tip.
Also, in many states, some fast-food companies don’t allow employees to accept tips. I’ve seen managers hand a tip back to a customer; the manager said, “Accepting tips is against company policy” and “Anyone caught accepting them would be terminated immediately”. But things have changed in some of those states.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My thought has always been that if I have to go to a counter at any point during a meal, aside from the final payment, it’s not a tippable transaction. Tipping is for service, not for existence. It really comes off as greedy that people making double digits per hour demand extra money.
Things are expensive these days — especially discretionary things, so to expect customers to subsidize workers’ employment decisions is asinine. Also, this snotty barista likely won’t be making ANY money if she pulls the same stuff on the wrong person.” Tonis_Balonis
10. AITJ For Hating My Seasonal Neighbor And Complaining About Her Dog's Poop?
“Where I live, we have “snowbirds.” People who come here for the summer, but live in Florida the majority of the year.
My mom and stepdad own my two-family house and live in their house right next door. Been here about twenty years now. Sister lived downstairs but passed away and a few years later snowbirds moved in for 4 months a year.
Otherwise it’s vacant.
The snowbirds are a major pain of a creature. The woman is lazy, disgusting, and entitled. Every summer I dislike her more and more. She’s negative and judgemental. I just couldn’t take it anymore and avoid her at all costs. I use a different door to go in and out because they leave their door into the hall open to monopolize that “shared” space.
And they smell.
So I have a young child. I rarely bring her out in the summer to play in the yard (both yards are connected) because, though my mom claims they don’t come out much, every time we were out, out she comes.
Here’s where I’m being made out to be the jerk.
I have one request. They pick up after the dog. So when we do brave it to go out my child can play without worrying about stepping in dog waste. Mom has a dog too, he goes around the corner. This one goes right in the middle where my kid would play.
Ok, pick it up right away. She’ll bring her dog in and send her husband out to pick it up. Lazy. Hubby usually takes dog out on the front yard at night. Leaves little poop bags right next to the front door. Gross, but better than leaving it.
I avoid the front so the fly infestation is their problem. But he’s got a bad back. So she started to take dog out in front, and suddenly there’s dog waste on the lawn…
I tell my mom because no, I’m not gonna clean it and I’ll go raging mad on the woman herself if I confront her.
Mom tells them. One pile, two, three… Fifteen… I’m feeling like a broken record massive nag. Her hubby cleans some, my parents do as well. Her, not one. I even bite the bullet and clean a couple myself… Still happening. Parents think it’s some random dog walking by.
Denial much?! Ok then why is there three in 48 hours? This random dog saves it for our house? Like really, how blind to reality can you be?!
I’m upset because I feel my mom is choosing this friend, whom I never heard of for 35 years, over her own daughter and only grandchild.
Taking her side. Saying it’s not her. I say it’s impossible that it’s not her.
Now, they’ve been gone back to Florida for 5 days as of writing this, and surprise, not a single dog waste on the lawn. She also waited for me to drop kid off at Mom’s for work to go over and say bye because she knew I’d have a problem with it.
So AITJ for disliking this woman and not wanting her near my kid, and making such a fuss over dog waste and contaminating places my child could play, and feeling like my parents are choosing a horrible woman over her family?”
Another User Comments:
“You seem to have a lot of hate for this woman for frankly no reason.
Yes, leaving dog waste outside in a communal area is annoying and wrong, but Holy moly bro this seems like a whole different level of hatred. Is the dog pooping on your half of the yard or theirs? Either way, everybody sucks but you are more of a jerk.” Aware_Vegetable9569
Another User Comments:
“Is this your house, or your parents’ house? Because if it’s your parents’ house, and you are a tenant like the snowbird, you have a right to be upset but not a right to kick her out. I guess continue to complain but I’d probably look at alternative housing if it’s truly making you miserable.
If it’s just a pet peeve, I guess I’d try to figure out a way to live with it over the summer months. Not a great situation but it sounds like you aren’t paying for housing so it seems like a very small price to pay for free housing and eventually inheriting both properties IMO.” duzins
Another User Comments:
“If the poo bothers you, pick it up. Yes, they should be doing it, but they aren’t and I wouldn’t want any kid near it. That, to me, is most important. I’m also petty af. I’d put into poo bags and leave it near their front door.
They’re the jerk, not you as this is a common area and they aren’t keeping it clean.” west_of_edem
9. AITJ For Refusing to Help My Brother Move Out After Supporting Him For Months?
“My brother(22m) was in a tight spot, he was getting evicted from his house for non-payment of rent.
He’s always been bad with finances, and his income was sporadic based on him working a per-job gig. He reached out to me desperately, begging for help. Apparently, he had taken a job out of town because he was flat broke and couldn’t afford not to.
He also informed me he was getting evicted from his house and wouldn’t be home when the eviction date came around. He also had no place to go.
It was a real cirque du dismay all around. I love my brother despite his history of getting himself into idiotic situations, and I decided to help.
My help being renting a truck, enlisting 2 friends with promises of beer and food, driving over to his house, moving all his stuff to my house, and letting him stay in my unfinished basement rent-free. The jerk didn’t even do me the courtesy of packing his stuff, I literally boxed up all his belongings myself.
He wasn’t a great tenant, didn’t clean up after himself, ate my food, but didn’t behave poorly. I let him live with me for the next 6 months, all of it rent-free while he just didn’t look for a place or save money. I finally told him he needed to move out to give my wife and I space, and he agreed. A month later, he was all set to move into a budget apartment in the same city.
Moving day came, and I was home but sleeping after my night shift. About 3 hours after returning from work and hitting the hay, I received a knock on my door. Waking up, I begrudgingly got out of bed to see who it was and what they wanted. Standing before me was my brother, and he said
Bro. “Moving truck is here,”
Me “Okay, cool” while kind of scratching my head
Bro “Well…..(long pause) Aren’t you going to help?”
Me “No, go away, I already moved you once”
Bro “Seriously? What the heck? How am I supposed to move by myself?
Me “Figure it out, I just worked a 12-hour night shift! Go away, I’m going to bed.”
I slammed the door in his face and went back to bed, just amazed by his audacity. When I awoke, he was mostly done. He had called up a buddy to help him move the heavy stuff.
My attempts to talk to him were met with cold silence. He ended up parting ways with me by throwing my keys back at me.
Later, I got blown up on social media, and by text. It seemed my brother went whining to our mother and grandmother about what a jerk I was to him.
How I disrespected him, cussed him out, threw him out of my house, and backed out on a promise to help him move. My mother was especially vocal about what I’d done calling me selfish and saying, “You could have just helped him” I was livid, did they forget all the money I spent moving him?
All the time he stayed with me without paying?
I think I’m done with my brother for a bit, maybe a good long while. I certainly won’t be bailing him out again. AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Blow up social media again. List the costs for moving him to your house.
The time he lived there rent-free. The extra you spent on electric, water, other utilities. Inform everyone he hasn’t paid you back. Then list that he is a GROWN ADULT who seems to not understand how to be a responsible grown adult.” MrGreyJetZ
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your brother is a jerk but he always will be and forever more until he decides to quit being a baby you got to stand up for yourself good job keep up with it and ignore your mother and grandmother obviously they want to coddle him until he’s in his grave.” [deleted]
8. AITJ For Ignoring My Grandma's Non-Urgent Calls On My Day Off?
“I am regularly (and by that, I mean once or twice a week) helping my grandma with errands and rides and whatnot. I also call her 1-2 times a week to check in on her (not really because I want to, but more because she expects me to).
Whenever she calls me, if I don’t answer, she’ll usually leaves a voicemail and expects me to get back to her as soon as I can. She’s a bit of a catastrophic thinker, as in thinking that something bad has happened to me if I don’t call her back soon enough.
I have told her that whenever something is urgent, just leave me a voicemail so that I know I should call her back ASAP. If not, then a voicemail isn’t necessary, and I don’t really have to call her back ASAP or for the day.
She is also the type that drags out conversations, so things that can be said in just under a minute usually take between 30-60 minutes before she is finished talking. She is also the type that gets grumpy if I “displease” her in any way, like arriving 5 minutes late to her place despite us having plenty of time for an appointment.
Deep down, I believe she has no respect for me, as she gives other people no flack for things that she would normally give me flack for.
Context: One Sunday (the only day of the week that I can all be for myself and recharge – she knows this), she called, but I didn’t pick up.
She called later, but I still did not pick up. She blows up my phone for various periods of time during the whole day but I continue to ignore it (Like calling every (other) hour.) I played an online game that day but wasn’t really in the mood for chatting, especially as we already spoke the day before as well as helping her out with something too (at her place).
She left three voicemails that I listened to – basically what she wanted wasn’t urgent at all. In the last voicemail, she told me to call her back, in a really grumpy and sour voice. I ended up calling her in the evening just to “calm the storm”, as I was mentally very tired of her bombarding my phone and I just wanted to get it over with.
(I originally wanted to call her the next day, on my break, but alas.) I was not in a very good mood.
When she picked up, she immediately let her discontent be known, and she complained a lot about this too, saying how she called me “15 times” and “What’s the point of you having a cellphone if you won’t answer it?” and such.
I said to her: “Well, sometimes I’m not in the mood to talk, and you’re not entitled to me answering just because you want me to.” It went a little back and forth, and I told her my point of view, she was a bit resistant, but ultimately things ended well.
But days later, I thought more about this and said to myself that maybe I made too big of a deal out of this and maybe I should have just answered her earlier on. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but she sounds traumatized by something.
Why does she go to catastrophe when you don’t answer when she likely lived through an age when people didn’t have cell phones? That response seems very extreme and I’d wonder if she needs professional help.” ninjasylph
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This sounds exhausting and emotionally abusive.
Her anxiety is hers to manage. Set boundaries. Decide how much contact you’re willing to allow. Decide how much you’re willing to help. Decide what you’re willing to do if she violates your boundaries. Put your mental health first.” ApprehensiveBook4214
7. AITJ For Making Small Talk With A Stranger In Front Of My Partner?
“She [36F] is from another culture that I would describe as being similar to New York City. I [38M] am from the southern US and live in the South in a relatively small town, so there is a big cultural difference in many ways.
My partner is also introverted, as am I. I have two children (8 and 4); my partner is childless and has never married.
Yesterday, in the parking lot of an Aldi, I parked next to a woman in her late 20’s early 30’s with a child (maybe 3-4 y/o) in a cart, unloading groceries into her car.
The woman offered me her cart, and I offered her a quarter in exchange. She waved away the quarter and told me that I’d be doing her a favor so she didn’t have to return the cart. Then for maybe 10 seconds total I stood there in uncomfortable silence as she tried to get the child out of the cart.
The child resisted, and the mom appeared to be getting frustrated. My partner was about 8 feet away from me.
After a few intents with the mother trying to get the child out of the cart, I tried to break the uncomfortable silence and said “It’s alright, I understand how difficult it can be to get a kid out of a cart” and nervously laughed. She smiled, the kid was removed from the cart, and I got it and we went shopping.
My partner proceeded to get very silent, crossed her arms, and refused physical contact, whereas normally we are very physically affectionate in public (holding hands, her touching my arm or shoulder, me putting my arm around her waist, or kissing her forehead). I realized that she was feeling a little jealous because of my experience with her, so I tried to make light of the situation and tried to assure her that I was just trying to break an uncomfortable silence and that she didn’t need to feel jealous.
What started as mildly playful jealousy on her part turned substantially more serious as time wore on.
We returned to the house mostly in silence, and when we were in the house, I checked in on her after about an hour of giving her space, it was clear she was by this time very upset, saying now that I should feel free to flirt with whomever I want, and that she felt foolish for telling me she loved me.
She also told me not to tell her I love her anymore because I don’t.
We argued and I left the house to sit in the car, she came and sought me out half-apologetic, but still maintained that she saw what she saw, and that what she saw was me flirting with a stranger in her presence.
This morning, over breakfast, she was distant for the most part, but then in one moment became physically affectionate and told me that she doesn’t like it when I am nice and sociable with other women.
So, AITJ for how I treated this stranger in the parking lot in my partner’s presence?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If this scenario happened as you wrote it, your partner’s response was super inappropriate and unhealthy. That level of jealousy over that interaction is somewhat horrifying, especially with the flailing drama about exchanging I Love You’s. Your partner needs to talk to a therapist, stat.” hannahkelli
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And boy are the red flags flying! That is some very possessive behavior and not at all normal. She can’t expect you to never socialize with other women. Is she now going to start being jealous of your work relationships? Long-time female friends?
Are you going to have to put up with this kind of thing if you smile and politely chat with a female cashier or customer service representative?” Wraithowl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What’s all this stuff about culture? Your partner has a MASSIVE jealousy problem and if you don’t address it, you’re going to be having a very bad time.
You need to make it very clear that getting greyrock’d for the rest of the day over *barely* talking to another woman *who initiated the conversation* ***about a shopping cart*** that also happened within her hearing range is unacceptable and would be something a child would do.
Stand up for yourself, even the way you phrased “AITJ for how I treated this stranger in the parking lot in my partner’s presence” makes you sound like a doormat, because you didn’t do anything even remotely wrong.” [deleted]
6. AITJ For Confronting My Pregnant Roommate About Her Smoking Habits?
“So to preface, I am a final year nursing student who is preparing to graduate who is going to specialize in labor and delivery.
Meaning that I believe very strongly that certain things should be avoided during pregnancy when possible. I’m not mentioning this as though I’m thinking of her as my patient, but I’m trying to be a friend who would speak up if they felt like their friend was putting a lot at risk… the question is did I overstep by telling her the possible repercussions?
My roommate and friend of 10 years, let’s call her S (22), got pregnant two months into our lease. She told me right after she had crashed her car on our way to our vacation and proceeded to drink heavily our entire week there and had led me to believe she didn’t plan on carrying to term so I didn’t say much.
While on vacation she also asked me to be her godmother.
Moving on to the next month she has decided to keep the baby so I asked if she was going to continue heavily smoking, and she answered that she was. She continued to explain that just because she’s pregnant that doesn’t mean she should stop because her mom smoked while pregnant and she came out just fine.
I took some issue with this because not every pregnancy is alike and adding risk factors to the pregnancy isn’t wise, my mom also smoked with me and I came out premature with many health issues that stemmed from smoking.
She called me a narcissist as she took my words and twisted them saying, “Not every pregnancy is the same, it’s my body my choice”.
While I agree, there is no way of telling whether or not the child will be affected or to what degree. She said if her child has medical problems it’s fine because she will take care of them as if she gets to live her child’s life for them (if I had the choice not to have come out with health problems I absolutely would choose not to).
She also stated she would not stop smoking and that she doesn’t care if CPS gets involved, which is what made me mad, because we live together. I have trauma from CPS in the past and the idea of being interviewed by them gives me a feeling that bridges a panic attack.
She also truly believes that it’s perfectly acceptable to continue to smoke while breastfeeding and as long as she waits an hour or two it’ll be fine (it can take 6 days for it to leave breast milk).. She hasn’t met with an ob/gyn, is 4 months pregnant, and claims that the ob/gyn would agree that it’s fine to continue smoking which is funny considering she continued to say you’re not a doctor so I don’t want your opinion and in the same breath I don’t believe in your science.
I feel as though it would be different if I were expressing opinions like you should paint your baby’s room blue because he’s a boy, but I’m not. I’m simply explaining that there are very real risks to her decisions and that the kid could come premature which could lead to long-term issues for that child.
I just feel like her reaction comes across as though she is refusing to look at things with anything other than rose-colored glasses (I didn’t say this part just thought it)
AITJ/narcissist for voicing my concern? I didn’t tell her she had to, just said that it’s not healthy for the baby…”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ HOWEVER you are a nursing student. In the real world, you are going to have people who are going to make unhealthy decisions while practicing medicine. If you present the risks and they continue to make those choices, you do everything you can do.
Let it go and move on because confrontation like this and continuous comments will get you into trouble legally in the long run. You’ll be able to make CPS calls on your patients when you get to that point if it’s necessary, but making comments like this to your normal patients, in the long run, will backfire, so keep that in mind.” Infamous-Audience284
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Sure it’s her body and her choice, but it’s still a reckless and stupid choice. Friends should be able to help each other see their blind spots and encourage them to go in the right direction. You’re not a jerk or a narcissist for having a conversation about your concerns.
She’s also expressed a plan to keep smoking while she’s breastfeeding. That would extend beyond the typical “my body my choice” arguments since the baby would have already been born. She absolutely could, and *should*, get a visit from child services if that’s the case.
The only jerk here seems to be her.” User
Another User Comments:
“People are entitled to make bad decisions. As long as the kid is inside of her it’s legally not a person and she can do as she likes. If she endangers her fetus it’s her choice.
Sucks though. I don’t personally think that’s resubmitted it’s not my pregnancy, my child, or my life. Of note, your roommate will also have to live with the possible consequences of raising a child exposed to substances that are also her life.
Decisions have consequences. Unfortunately, she chooses to ignore that possibility. I know it’s frustrating but it’s not your responsibility to change her. You are also not responsible for her pregnancy or her baby. I think it’s great you care. Not enough people do honestly.
Regardless, It’s hard to watch someone you care about do something dumb. That’s life though. I wish you the best.” Stoked4breakfast
5. AITJ For Wanting To Compete Again Despite Winning A Scholarship Last Year?
“I (F18) and my friend “Elle” (F17) both attend the same technical school for art and are both seniors. Every year there is a chance to attend a competition for various skills, in this case photography, that leads to State and then National levels.
I competed as a Sophomore with one of my other friends, and it ended up being a huge mess, us not having the necessary equipment. Despite this, I still managed to place 9th out of 30 while he placed 26th. Because of this, I was very eager to go again and compete in the hopes of winning as a Junior.
When the next contest came around more people were eager to go, Elle included, after hearing about our experience last year. There were only two slots available so our teacher decided we would each submit 2 photos to another art teacher and have him choose. When I heard this I didn’t think it was completely fair considering how close I had gotten to winning and how much I had been studying.
All year I had been learning about photo editing, lighting setups, etc in my free time in hopes of being able to go. My teacher knew this and said it was ok if I submitted a letter explaining this alongside my photos.
The other teacher made his choice that one of his students would go so both classes would be represented. I ended up going and winning making it to states but losing in 5th.
How far I got allowed me to earn a scholarship one I was talking about in class yesterday along with this year’s competition.
Elle said that maybe this year it would be fair and allow someone else to go when I said I wanted to go again.
This escalated, Elle explaining that it would only be fair while I said it already was fair how people were chosen to go. This lead to me explaining how I had been chosen mentioning the letter
Elle said she didn’t think it was fair of me to put others down to get ahead, but I told her that I never mentioned anyone else in my letter only my own accomplishments.
The argument continued as to how I should let others go in order to win a scholarship, especially people like her who really needed it. I said that I still needed scholarships too.
It gets ugly here, Elle saying I already had one and how much more she needed one, that her mom’s a single parent, while both my parents work, and my mom’s job has good benefits.
I told her those benefits were purely because she was a grade-school teacher with a union who didn’t get paid well, while her mom made enough to buy a 4 bedroom house on her own and each of her 3 kids their new car.
Our teacher split us up and all weekend I felt horrible about some of the things I said, a few of our friends said I should let someone else get the chance and others thought I should go as I have the best chance at winning for our school and deserve it.
I still think I have every right to go but guilt is eating me alive and I don’t know if I’m biased or not.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here when this devolved into an argument about moms. Aside from that, your letter got you into the competition.
It might or might not have been the determining factor in who went to the competition, but it’s not safe to assume that Elle would have won had she gone. You do have a right to go to the competition and you are not the jerk for being a better photographer than Elle.
But you both are jerks by dragging mothers into an argument about applying for some school thing.” fuzzy_mic
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk, I wish that’s how real life works… Like the Olympics should only be attended by athletes who haven’t won a medal to give others a fair chance because they want it or think they deserve it.
same with every single sports code, leave it for the other teams they want it to! what about a job ‘performance’ bonus that awards the top sales/whatever category with an incentive? If you win it once the next time it goes to the next person!” warclonex
4. AITJ For Yelling At My Brother Over His Insensitive Remarks About My Roommate Situation?
“There has been a lot of heavy stress between me (23f) and my college roommate (22f) ever since I told her I wouldn’t cover her half of our monthly rent on top of my half. My brother, Braylen (25m), just called me from our parents’ house for some reason.
I don’t remember what his original reason for calling was, but he started complaining about everything Mom was just asking him to do around the house in a sort of ramble.
I know how Braylen is and always has been, so I should’ve thought about his immaturity and what talking to him would do to my already racing anxiety before picking up the phone.
Everything with my roommate has been spiraling and just getting more and more intense as the minutes passed by, so my stress level shot through the roof as soon as I heard his ranting. It had been a decent chunk of time since I talked to him before this call, so I sat and listened for what felt like hours.
After complaining about Mom’s attitude and all the demands she had been making consistently throughout his whole visit so far, he calmed slightly and finally changed the topic. He asked how things were going on my side of things, and I just sat there dumbfounded, staring down at my legs.
Mom could’ve told him about the rent issue, or maybe this was genuinely a random call and he was just worrying about how I’d been doing. When I finally caught my voice and managed to get words out, I stayed brief and simple.
I told Braylen that my roommate was relentlessly demanding I pay her part of the rent even though I already told her no. He cut me off at the end of my sentence to tell me that Mom had already told him that and asked me what I was going to do about it.
Something about the way he said it was condescending and almost felt like he was making fun of me.
I just told him the truth, that I’m not sure what to do next, and his whole demeanor changed. He gave this short, loud laugh and started going on and on about how I was “causing myself trouble” and how I was “making problems in my life out of nothing” and some more stupid nonsense.
I feel bad about my response, but I guess the stress finally got to me and I just started yelling at him. I told Braylen that he had to be ignorant for him to truly think what he was saying. I went on about how he didn’t know the details and said some personal things against him.
I called him out for how he still uses our parents to get by and all that, but I know that was out of line. I’m just so angry. I couldn’t help it.
He ended up hanging up on me mid-sentence and my mom sent some long paragraph just a few minutes later to scold me for being mean to him or something like that.
What he said was crazy to think and way out of line when he doesn’t even know the specifics, but I did go out of line too.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH, but it’s more on you. Why? You knew he couldn’t/wouldn’t be a source of comfort or assistance for you and you knew you were not in a good place to have a simple chat, but you forged ahead somehow hoping for something different……and then blew up when the expected happened. Your roommate situation is terrible and I completely understand the stress taking its toll, but you were just as wrong as your brother in how you treated him.
He is a moron but you could have ended the call at any time, right? Instead, you chose to unload on him and hit below the belt.” DrKittyLovah
3. AITJ For Not Wanting My Partner's Sister To Stay With Us Long-Term?
“My partner (34m) and I (27f) live in a 1bdrm apt with our pitbull (2f). I do well for myself financially, and when you combine our finances, we’re comfortable.
My partner has 2 siblings (1 bro/1 sis) and out of the 3 of them, my partner is the most well-off in terms of lifestyle because we have each other. My partner feels an obligation to support his siblings because he is better off than them, but that’s mainly because of me as I make almost double his salary.
I will say that the cards that my partner and his family were dealt made life very hard for them, but both of his siblings have made a lot of poor decisions that led to financial instability. Nevertheless, my partner is very close with his siblings, and family is important to me, so his sister and I are close.
Being that she has 2 brothers and their parents passed, she will come to me to vent a lot about her problems. I like to think that I’m an empathetic person and I’m happy to be that person for her. She has made a lot of poor decisions over the past few months, and she is about to be homeless and without a car.
Her registration was suspended so she is unable to get a car in her name until fines are paid off that are upwards of $10k. She’s also breaking up with her ex-partner, so she doesn’t have anywhere to go.
She’s currently staying in her ex-partner’s house because they have a spare bedroom, but he’s seeing HIS ex so she’s in an uncomfortable situation.
I can’t imagine how she feels, and she has been venting to me for weeks about how depressed she’s been and how stressed she is. She asked us if she could spend the weekend. I immediately became wary. I have no problem with her staying occasionally, but we cannot house her.
We do not have the space. Her presence can be extremely heavy, she’s very negative ALL the time and complains often (even before all of this). She is not a big fan of dogs and complains often. She also hates being alone in our apt with the dog so I can’t even run errands without her, and I feel like I am taking care of a child.
I have to bring her everywhere and do everything with her and sometimes I honestly just want to be alone. My partner works odd hours and I’m the one who’s ultimately responsible for entertaining/taking care of her while he’s gone.
I feel incredibly bad about her situation, and I wish there was more that I could do to help, but having her in my apt every weekend is too much.
She has already shown her intention to get in between me and my partner by asking each of us separately if she can stay leading to miscommunication between the both of us. She also asked me for money, which she has always been good to pay me back, but overall this has really unnerved me and has made me uncomfortable with the situation.
I want to set some boundaries, WIBTJ if I told my partner I really don’t want his sister staying with us for long periods of time/coming over often? I feel heartless, but we’ve really worked our butts off to get where we are, but our money is not to save his siblings every time they get into a predicament which is often.”
Another User Comments:
“WNBJ you have boundaries which is really good, healthy, and necessary for relationships. It’s not a wrong move to keep your boundaries. If your partner does really want to cave and you have to compromise, predetermine some boundaries such as timeline (can only stay x-amount of time), meal preferences (together, not, who covers what), how your pup is to be treated (some non-dog lovers need that explicitly communicated), and spaces (shared vs.
not).” Top-Yam1151
Another User Comments:
“NTJ While you’ve shown empathy, her constant presence and negativity are affecting your well-being. It’s important to find a balance between supporting family and maintaining your own emotional health. Suggest alternative ways to help her and emphasize the need for open communication to address the situation effectively.
It’s about taking care of yourself while still being compassionate.” xAtekx
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but it sounds like your partner should be more involved. It shouldn’t be your responsibility to tell her she can’t come over. Also, it sounds like she deliberately goes to you and your partner separately.
Maybe you can say you’ve got a lot on your plate and don’t have room, but schedule a weekly dinner or exercise session together.” trippiler
2. AITJ For Wanting to Meet My Ex-Husband's New Wife Who Lives With Our Daughter?
“I (36F) divorced with my ex-husband John (38M) about 2.5 years ago. He had a new partner Amy (28F) right off the bat.
Amy lived in another country, but at some point she moved here to live with John. I have zero problem with her being from abroad, and from everything I’ve heard about her, she seems like a nice person. I heard they got married at some point lately.
We have shared custody of our daughter Ella (11F) and she stays with me every other week and John every other week. Eventually I started asking John for me to meet his new partner. John has told me what she does for living and some things like that, and Ella sometimes mentions her.
I know she’s a decent person and I’m not worried about anything. I would be fine with just having a cup of coffee once with Amy and John and chatting for 15 minutes to get to know one another a little. I think I have the right to know at some level what kind of person my child lives with.
I also think it would be good for Ella to see the adults in her life getting along. I would’ve liked that when my parents divorced. John has avoided arranging us meeting for years. Most of the time he says they’re so busy, every time I ask it’s a bad timing.
We live in the same city. About a year ago we had agreed a date we would meet, but I had a sudden car problem and had to cancel. After that John told me he doesn’t feel good about me and Amy meeting, that it feels like an interrogation.
That’s not my intention. I get that it will be a bit awkward. But it would be for Ella’s sake. I wouldn’t mind getting together for Ella’s birthday etc., but if they don’t want to do that it’s ok.
John’s always been a private person and I can respect that. I don’t want to overstep boundaries. But I think this is something people do when co-parenting.
I don’t know why he is so firmly against us meeting. I’m not an impulsive or aggressive person, I don’t have a history of starting unnecessary drama.
He says he just doesn’t think us meeting is necessary. I’ve explained why this is important to me. I don’t also feel like it’s my place to contact Amy directly. John has had a tendency to bend the truth a bit here and there (e.g. he and Amy probably were in contact well before our divorce).
I don’t know if there’s something he doesn’t want to come up if we meet. I honestly don’t care, whatever it might be. I’ve dealt with the past and have no interest in any drama. I just want to make things work the best for Ella.
I have a great new relationship. My partner (38M) lives with me now. He has a son who lives with us every other weekend. The son’s mom wanted to meet me when we first started seeing each other and I agreed. It was awkward.
But I respect and understand that she needed that as a mother. I’ve asked if John would like to meet Sam, and he doesn’t want to. They’ve met a couple of times briefly during Ella’s pick-ups.
So am I being unreasonable for wanting to meet my ex-husband’s new wife that lives with my daughter half of the time?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I think this is totally normal. I saw someone with children and I met his ex-wife before I even met his kids, right as things were starting to get serious. She ended up being such a lovely person. Is there a way you can arrange to meet Amy at pickups?
I think it’s imperative you know who your child is living with. Also, what if John isn’t around and there is an emergency? You two need to be able to communicate.” LowBalance4404
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…sorry, but I cannot believe all the YTJs here.
What parent in their right mind does not want to meet any other adult in their child’s life as much as your ex’s new wife will be? The only reason you are being pushy is because of your ex. What exactly is he trying to hide?
And why? I would not even ask him anymore. I would show up at their door, preferably when he is at work, introduce myself and just say that you wanted to meet the person who has become important in your child’s life and get to know them in case you ever have to talk to each other regarding said child.
Let the chips fall from there.” Worth-Season3645
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I have been on the other side of this. The mother of my stepson demanded we meet, and when we did she came up with HORRENDOUS lies and then every time after (as I wanted to show our son that we could get along) she would ignore me, insult me and then the cherry on the top of the cake tried to get my partner to give her another baby because he’s such a great father and when the begging didn’t work, suggested that I was getting in the middle of the happy family.
You’re NTJ for asking but if they’ve shown and stated that they’re uncomfortable, I wouldn’t keep pushing.” Christmas_Grinch_
1. AITJ For Confronting My Partner On His Birthday?
“My partner (m24) and I (f22) have been together for a bit more than a year. From the beginning, I was madly in love with him. But as time went on things weren’t so good. He was sometimes really distant, often angry for no reason.
He’d vanish for days, not answering my calls or messages. It’s not like he’s a busy guy, he works in our town and rarely travels outside of it. Along with the disappearing, he became pretty aggressive. Not physically, but he didn’t hold back whenever I did something he didn’t like.
But I still loved him, and whenever he wasn’t angry or gone he was great.
Until he wasn’t. He started avoiding physical intimacy altogether, barely even kissing me. And here’s where I messed up, after a couple of months of nearly pleading with him to touch me, I ended up being unfaithful.
I hated myself right after. I confessed to him immediately. He gave me another chance, instead of just leaving me like I deserved. From that moment on, I haven’t been able to do anything he didn’t approve of without him bringing up the unfaithfulness, or threatening to leave me.
Of course, after that, he got much worse. He managed to make me cry half the times we saw each other, he got a bit more physical with his aggressivity.. nothing huge just like squeezing my arm too hard or pushing me away whenever I got on his nerves.
He started calling me an unfaithful jerk whenever I was hanging out with male friends. Two days ago was his birthday. I got him a cake and we just spent time at his place. He didn’t want a big party. When he saw the cake was vanilla he was enraged. Called me a jerk.
Said, how could I ever forget he hates vanilla! I’m his partner! We’d eaten vanilla cake just a week ago and he loved it. I thought I was losing my mind. Teared up and raised my voice for the first time in like 6 months. Complained about how he treated me, about being scared of him, about him not caring about me.
I was screaming by the end. He didn’t say a word the whole time until I was done. He looked so angry, his face was red. I caught myself looking around for a weapon just in case. He finally spoke and it was just a bunch of insults and stuff about me being unfaithful.
I got my stuff and ran out of there crying.
I talked to his sister on the phone. She’s a close friend, he and I met through her. I was halfway into the story when she cut me off and said I wasn’t really allowed to complain since I was unfaithful.
She knew? I didn’t tell her, and he’d promised to keep it a secret. I kept trying to argue but she shut me down. She was mad that I’d gone so out of line on her brother’s birthday. That my dumb complaints could’ve waited a day or two.
Now I don’t know what to think. I’m so keen to believe her, I always heard an outsider’s perspective was super helpful for this kinda issue. In the moment he was the clear jerk but I’m not so sure. It was his birthday, I should’ve just let him be angry and let it go.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ except the unfaithfulness part but that’s not the part being discussed. Your partner is being abusive and aggressive towards you. He is actively causing you to fear for your safety. There is obviously more to this story going on but speaking to just what was said here you didn’t do anything wrong.
However, the relationship is over. It seems that it has been over for a long time just neither of you is willing to say it out loud.” Stuckbetweenfriends4
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – And your sister is wrong, even if you were unfaithful, you are allowed to complain.
You are also allowed to act on your being scared of him. What’s scaring me is your misuse of the word love. Even if you do love him, you need to keep yourself safe and unafraid. Guess what, by being unfaithful you didn’t deprive him of anything.
Whatever it was you gave the other dude, you have that in endless supply, you didn’t deprive this aggressive guy of anything. You don’t owe him anything, because you’ve taken nothing away from him. On his birthday, his being angry doesn’t give him authority to squeeze your arm and scare you.” fuzzy_mic
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I feel like this was written by my best friend. Seriously the story events, the description of the partner, the quotes, every detail is eerily close to what she experienced. But I know why it’s not my best friend who wrote this.
Because after 8 years of mistreatment, she escaped. Yes, she was unfaithful once but my best friend realized that didn’t mean she had to force herself to be in an unhappy relationship. That she didn’t deserve to be mistreated, no matter what the reason was. It wasn’t easy.
There were a few failed attempts to leave and many tries at counseling (solo and couples). But she got out. It’s been over a year since my best friend finally escaped that jerk. She’s smiling all the time, and seeking out adventure in the sun after living in the shadows for so long.
Your story is so similar to hers and I hope the ending is the same; you’re happy, healthy, and free to live.” SkysEevee
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