People Need To Deal With Their "Am I The Jerk?" Situations
22. AITJ For Cleaning Up My Food Before My Partner Finished Eating?
“I was eating today in KFC with my partner and I finished my food earlier. I cleaned up my stuff, you know – all napkins and stuff and was waiting for her to finish. She told me that it was really impolite to do it while others were still eating.
She also told me that it’s common sense, everyone should be like that and I am unsocial if I act the way I do.
I have personally never heard of that and I think this is just picking stuff just for her convenience. Am I being a jerk for stating that I think it’s kind of nonsense?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Some would say it’s impolite to clean up while others are still eating – this makes them feel rushed, or whatever. Others don’t really care. I think she’s taking more offense than necessary here. I’m guessing she was raised with the rule of waiting till everyone’s done, and you weren’t.
I always clean up as soon as I’m done – I have a toddler, so while they’re still distracted by eating is the best chance I’m going to have to clean up.” Wolfenbro
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. It’s a difference in how you’re raised. If you’re raised with classical table etiquette (full family dinners, place settings, etc.) you are raised with the etiquette that you stay at the table until everyone is done (or ask if you can be excused if everyone is mostly done and the adults are just jawing), and the table gets cleared all at once at the end, and usually dishes are a multi-person, assembly-line like event.
If you are raised with a more laid-back eat-when-you-can, or TV room recreational meals, and everyone is responsible for their own individual place settings, then it is generally expected that you will do your cleanup when you are done eating, and return to the socializing.
The only jerk part is if you treat each other like barbaric/snooty strangers to be mocked and disdained instead of your SO to be conversed and compromised with.” FntasticJellyBabies
Another User Comments:
“Very soft YTJ. It stems from it being impolite to start clearing plates when some people at the table are still eating.
It is rude, it makes the person/people eating feel rushed. That’s why ‘fancy’ restaurants never start clearing plates until the last person is done. The bottom line is…she’s your partner and has expressed her feelings to you, so the real question is, what are you going to do about it?
Waiting a few minutes then tidying up together is no big deal really, and if it makes her feel less rushed then maybe that’s a good way to go?” tinny36
21. AITJ For Wanting A Vacation Alone With My Husband Without His Mother?
“I (30f) have been with my husband for 5 years, married for 3. He (33m) is amazing and I love him to death. His mother, she’s great, lovely, generous, and probably I love her more than my own mom.
We moved in together 5 months after we started seeing each other. Back then my mother-in-law was visiting us like every two months and staying with us for a month (we were living in another country). While she was with us I was doing all the cooking and chores after I came from work with no energy, it was okay but not for a month every two months.
I’ve tried to talk with my husband about this and he started to help me.
The problem is, when it’s time for vacation, she’s coming with us wherever we go. I mean wherever and whenever. She was with us even on our honeymoon. I actually like her but I want some time with my husband alone.
It’s been 5 years and we never had some time alone or a vacation just two of us.
Would I be the jerk if I talked to my husband to have some time together?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your husband needs to be the one to set boundaries with her, not you.
He needs to be on your side or this isn’t going to work. Stop telling her when you’re going on vacation and where. Make it clear to your husband that his mother is not invited and if she shows up on your holiday, you’ll be going home.
Then follow through if it happens. If your husband is picking his mother over you, you have bigger problems here.” Fiber_Prize2336
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Not sure what her deal is but HARD STOP! Have an honest conversation and tell him that it is not normal and if he insists tell him that it is a deal breaker.
Why does she need advance notice of your trip with the dates? She does not. Her behavior is abnormal AND intrusive. If he insists tell him he can go on a trip with his mom and you will take a solo trip by yourself.” stinstin555
Another User Comments:
“Info: why were you doing all the chores inside the house after your course? Hubby and mother-in-law don’t help out? I mean, if it’s just a couple of days she is a guest and may not do chores (although it would be polite to offer), but a full month every 2 or 3 months is not a guest anymore, it belongs to the household and needs to do chores too.
As every person that lives there should.” [deleted]
20. AITJ For Not Giving Up My Seat At A Brewery To A Group?
“I’m an introvert who loves beer. I found this craft brewery in a city I’m visiting so I stopped by to try some brand new booze. Any chance I get, I find a quiet area.
This place was very busy but I lucked out and found a small booth. Yay! But a man approached me, with the waiter also introducing himself to me, and asked if I could move to the busy & loud bar so he and his friend could sit where I was.
The waiter was like uh no it’s free seating and he was here first so I felt a bit better like I wasn’t the jerk. But when the waiter left the dude came back and relatively nicely asked for the seat. I said sorry but I feel like being alone.
So… AITJ for not giving up my seat? Am I over-emphasizing my alone time? Should single people move for groups and couples?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “Should single people move for groups and couples?” Depends, do you have a corner booth that can sit there and there’s one of you?
I think you’re good. Do you have the one seat in a row of six of un-assigned seating and a group of five comes in and asks if you can move two seats over so they can sit together then you should move over.” Sureokayiguess1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I just recommend that if you’re in a place where servers live on tips (ex. US), tip 40% instead of 20% so they make up for the lost customer. I recognize this is controversial, but it’s what I always do when I go out alone and take a table that would otherwise order twice as much.” vf-n
Another User Comments:
“Slightly YTJ, booths are for multiple occupants. Those people may leave and spend money somewhere else. It is the brewery that is hurt in the end. Going out in public means you alone may not be just that. You can sit at the bar and not talk to people.
That’s a common thing. Bars are there for single seaters so they don’t take up larger seating areas.” SugarFries
19. AITJ For Wanting My Husband To Choose Between His Rude Friend And Me?
“My (f 43) husband (m 49) has had a friend at work for several years who openly treats me terribly in front of him.
She (50s f) mocks me, ignores me, and makes me very uncomfortable. We have had several arguments about this, some even during couples counseling. He says it’s no big deal and that she treats all women that way. He won’t say anything to her about it or stand up for me.
I have opened my window and she will be putting things in our mailbox for him.
Once at a holiday party, I told my husband that I wouldn’t go if she was there. He went without me. We have been together 22 years and have gone through a year and a half of counseling and we’re in a really good place.
She no longer works with him but this week he told me that he and another friend had lunch with her. It really hurt my feelings and made me angry. I want to tell him to pick her or me. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ definitely.
If she treats you that badly and your husband doesn’t care or brushes it off, then your husband is the jerk. And seeing as you’ve had the discussion with him before about how it makes you feel, I don’t think it’s entirely unreasonable for you to decide this is the stopping point.
Just make sure you’re prepared for your husband not to choose you. I’m not saying it will happen, but it might, and if you make this an ultimatum you need to be ready for that possibility. Is there anything else you could do? Explain to him that no matter her intent, she’s really hurt you, and you don’t like that he spends time with someone who has been so rude to you?
It sounds like you’ve done that sort of thing already but you say you have an otherwise good relationship with him, so you might not want to make this the potential end of a good relationship. Good luck to you, no matter what you decide to do.” FeastForTheWorms
Another User Comments:
“I don’t know why he’s so invested in continuing a relationship with someone who mistreats people, even if they only do this to other women and not you. He said she does this to all women, sounds like she has a self-perpetuating issue with women; once upon a time a woman treated her badly, probably abused her in some way, and now all women are evil to her.
I would ask him why he wants to stay friends with a toxic person? I mean, is it just because it doesn’t happen to him? I think ask him that before the ultimatum.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“This woman is far more important to you than she is to your husband.
She is a work friend to him, nothing more, & not even a current one, so he doesn’t pay any attention to what she says or does. You should do the same. As for the holiday party – you act like she was the only guest instead of one of many guests.
YTJ for making a big fuss about someone who doesn’t matter.” YMMV-But
18. AITJ For Choosing College Abroad Over Taking Over The Family Business?
“I’m (18M) finishing high school and need to decide my future soon.
My dad built a successful business from nothing, and my family expects me to take it over. It’s a great opportunity financially, but I don’t feel passionate about it, and the lifestyle it requires isn’t one I want.
I’ve always dreamed of moving abroad, studying what I’m passionate about, and starting my own company.
But choosing that path means risking everything. My family has made it clear they won’t support me financially or emotionally if I leave, and I have no idea how I’ll pay for college on my own.
What makes this harder is that I’m the only one in my family capable of running the business.
If I leave, there’s no one to take over, and all of my dad’s work might go to waste. WIBTJ if I chose to leave and start fresh instead of taking over the family business?”
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ if you did all that without talking to him, and acted with only your own interests in mind.
Tell him you don’t see yourself running it long term, you’d like to move abroad and pursue something else. He should then make plans accordingly, whether it’s with your sibling(s) or selling it to an outside entity. You should follow your dreams, but you need to support yourself, not expect your dad to pay for your life as an adult.” Jerseygirl2468
Another User Comments:
“The biggest jerk. Did you read what you asked? You’d take it over and sell it, so you can go abroad. People lose their jobs, so you can leave for your personal gain. You know those movies where the spoiled boss/owner’s son comes in and wants to just get a quick buck… how everyone hates them… that’d be you but in real life.
Your dad’s proud of the company, yet you’d destroy it? Come on, you know you’d be the jerk. Also, you are more worried about taking it over and leaving after you saved money, but not selling the company?” wagonsaburning
Another User Comments:
“You’re 18 and planning on going to uni in the UK.
Do your parents know about this? How likely is it that you will be able to move abroad at some point? If likely then tell your dad he has two options. 1. you take over the business but you do intend to move abroad at some point which would mean you would have to sell it (or have one of your other siblings take over I suppose).
2. You don’t take over the business and defer to your other siblings Considering you’re only 18 and still in high school when are you expected to take over? Not anytime soon it would seem like. So could you go to uni abroad and see how it goes?
You may not want to stay abroad. Also, why wouldn’t your sisters be able to take over (if they wanted to)? There are plenty of successful high-powered women who run large businesses. Being kinda sexist here.” Kooky_Protection_334
17. AITJ For Visiting My Partner's House Against My Parents' Wishes?
“I 20f have been with my partner 21m for almost 3 years now.
My parents have known about him for the entire 3 years. A few weeks ago I went to his house after we went on a minigolf date and all we did was watch some movies in the living room with his brother for an hour or two, but when I got home my parents were very angry.
They said that my being at his house makes the relationship ‘formal’, and when I asked what exactly that means they said that we are acting as if we are engaged. In their words, I should have only gone to his house when I am there to announce to his parents that we are ready to get married. I said I don’t see it as a big deal like they do, and that we have different opinions on how a relationship functions, however, they saw my disagreement as disobedience and disrespect, saying that as long as I live under their roof I will do what they want (I don’t live at home anymore, I’m only home from college for fall break).
This went back and forth for a very long time, essentially it ended with them saying I am being naive and I am making terrible decisions by going to his house (once). Some important context, my parents are Slavic, but they insisted that their opinions aren’t coming from the culture but from ‘respect for yourself’.
(I still think their issues with pacing in relationships are from being raised in a different culture and generation). I told them I understand where they are coming from however I disagree and I won’t be stopping what brings me joy because it goes against their ideal of what I should be doing in my own relationship, which led to another outburst of calling me disrespectful for not listening to their ‘advice’ (orders).
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s pretty surprising that was your first time going to his place after being together for 3 years. Obviously, your parents are just trying to protect you and prevent all the things that can happen when you’re not under their roof and not married – but they just went about it the wrong way.
If this is one of the only times you’ve had a disagreement like this, and you want to continue staying with them when you’re on break, try seeing things from their perspective before talking to them again. Maybe if you change your approach, they’ll better understand that going to his place doesn’t mean you won’t ever get married, or that you’ll end up pregnant or worse.
You might even score more points if you can tell them that his parents don’t mind/are okay with it (assuming you can prove that).” Kimariyan
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here I think this is a culturally based issue. My friend in HS was Korean and her mom flat out refused to meet her partner saying why would she bring him to meet her unless they were engaged?
Didn’t care that they were in a relationship, but didn’t think it was appropriate or necessary for my friend to bring the partner by the house. They didn’t even care when they moved in together, but as requested, he wasn’t invited for a sit-down dinner until he proposed. In my family also, being in a relationship is acceptable (liber Muslim/Indian) but it makes them uncomfortable.
They don’t want to know about relationships unless it is THE relationship because it helps them pretend that their old-school morals aren’t being tossed out the window. Now I live on my own, so I follow my own rules entirely. You live with your parents and that means that as a practical matter, they may have more control or else be able to make your life difficult/unpleasant.” SnooPets8873
Another User Comments:
“There’s definitely a cultural difference here. NTJ. I’m (21) living with my partner (21) and we moved in together less than a year into being in a relationship when we were freshly 18. Definitely not what I would recommend but we’ve been together for 4.5 years now.
My dad’s family always believed in only moving out after marriage but I didn’t live with them at that time so I didn’t really care what they thought. You can keep doing what you want, just be ready to not have their support in any way.
This means you might have to get your own place. My partner moved in with me and my mom for the first year we lived together and then we moved out at 19 almost 3 years ago. The freedom is amazing.” anonstrawberry444
16. AITJ For Wanting My Coworker To Stop Mispronouncing My Chosen Name?
“I (24 NB) changed my name about 4 years ago. I never liked my name, but now that I’ve changed it I love it. I chose a name that I’ve loved since I was like 11 and heard it for the first time. However, it is a name from that Key & Peele skit with the substitute teacher who mispronounces all the names.
I also love that skit, I think it’s hilarious. And I don’t mind being called the mispronunciation on occasion. But this coworker only calls me it. I also made the mistake of telling him that my chosen nickname, although the spelling is different, is also in that skit.
I think he found that so funny that now he only thinks of me as the nickname and will not call me my actual name ever.
I feel like I’m probably being too sensitive. But I put so much time and thought into picking my name.
I spent over a year trying to decide on a name that I would love. I worry hearing it pronounced that way every single day will make me hate it. I picked my name and it means so much to me, and I think it’s valid that I want to hear it be pronounced correctly.
And like I said, I’m not saying he can’t ever call me that. I don’t mind it on occasion. Although I think if it doesn’t stop I will just hate it and never want to hear it.
I don’t want to be a bad sport, but I hate it so much that I try to avoid him now.
Do you think it’s worth saying something or would I be a jerk if I did?”
Another User Comments:
“This is your name and if it makes you uncomfortable to always be called the nickname, you have to say something… I’ve been fat a long time and had someone from my family call me Piggy or something different because I was fat (recently lost the weight) and he would’ve continued if I hadn’t told him to stop it because I hate it… You have the added part of having chosen that name after a really long process and you deserve to be called your name… NTJ.” Myhairyleftfoot
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, what started as a funny joke has become annoying due to overuse, it happens. Ignore the comments saying you’re too sensitive or whatever, you’re obviously not looking for a reason to be upset and it’s clear to me you aren’t offended, you’re just kind of annoyed and bothered. That’s a perfectly normal response and really not a big deal. Personally, I’d just approach him and ask if he minds using (your name), and let him know that while the nickname was funny at first, you’d rather prefer your actual name and you’re kind of over the nickname.
There’s no need to escalate things or demand any ultimatums first. Asking nicely gets results from most people. If he ignores your request and keeps calling you the nickname after you’ve brought it up, that’s when you can be more serious and tell him to cut it out, and eventually escalate if he *still* continues after that.
Hopefully not, though.” wilderneyes
Another User Comments:
“You would not be a jerk for expressing your feelings to a coworker. Also, with work being a place where people are supposed to have a modicum of professionalism at least, I would absolutely expect that he needs to change his behavior after being informed that you don’t like it.
If he continues to mispronounce your name after being told it’s bothersome, he’s just a jerk and you can try to escalate things. It’s your name. You have a right to be called by your name – not a joke mispronunciation or nickname – especially in a work environment.
You don’t have to approach things with him from a confrontational place at all, but just let him know, “You know, I would really prefer if you’d call me my correct name. I know that skit is funny and you might enjoy referencing it, but it gets sort of old for me.
I don’t like it and even if it’s totally unintentional, it makes me feel disrespected as a person. Would you please only call me XYZ from now on? I’d really appreciate it.” Because he seems kind of thick – the type who doesn’t know when something stops being funny – I wouldn’t leave him with the option of “it’s okay to call me the nickname SOMETIMES.” Nope.
He won’t get what is acceptable as “sometimes” and it leaves things too open for interpretation. Just tell him straightforwardly that you only want to be called by the actual, correct name.” byrandomchance20
15. AITJ For Telling My Ex-Wife Not To Encourage Our Kids To Call Her Partner 'Dad'?
“My ex-wife of now 3 years and I have 2 beautiful kids together. She has been with her partner for about 4 and a half years. Yes, that timeline is why we got divorced. We have 50/50 custody and have zero relationship with each other and only communicate about the kids.
We are always around each other due to kids’ activities and school and such.
So last night the kids were on their daily scheduled video call with mom and I started to listen to the conversation and I heard my ex keep referring to her partner as Dad and referencing him as dad to our 6-year-old son.
So I got offended and made eye contact with my son to hang up the phone and say goodnight. I let it go for the night and didn’t talk to anyone about it. Then I sent this text message in the morning to her:
I’m trying not to start any mess but I need to address a behavior that I find weird and offensive. I already know you’re going to say you just use it as a nickname calling Allen “dad” and referencing him as “dad” to MY KIDS.
PLEASE do not do that. They have a father who is active and present in their lives. I would appreciate you not trying to subliminally get the kids to call him dad. Especially because he chooses for whatever reason to stay out of his kids’ lives.
Please have some respect and stop trying to get them to call him dad. Thank you. Merry Christmas. I hope you and him get your act together so he can actually raise and see his own children.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Stand your ground on this one.
Early messaging and being condescending is probably not required but it shows how upset you are about it. I agree though, it’s not healthy for the children. My ex wasn’t even 10 days out of my house before she was seeing her former friend. She’s pretty disgusting in that way and many more but none of it got to me until she started calling this abuser (literally) ‘Bonus-Daddy’ to our kids.
Also enraging, is how she only refers to me as ‘Baby Daddy’ and not “their father”, “my children’s father”, etc. in public or whenever she’s posting. The lack of respect is blatant and never-ending. It’s also not good for the children to see and hear constantly.” N0nReddit0r
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I get why you’re upset, especially because this was her affair partner and it must hurt to hear this. At the end of the day, lots of kids have multiple moms/dads, and it’s the kids who get to decide what to call their bonus parental figures.
It’s not a competition. If you want to have a constructive conversation about it or request that your ex not push the title onto the kids, then I can only advise you that insulting people first thing in the morning is not a great strategy for getting your way.
You pretty much nuked any chance of them caring about your opinion on this.” MissAuroraRed
14. AITJ For Not Wanting To Get To Know My Possible Half-Brother?
“I (F35) had my biological father walk out when I was 5 years old.
Turns out my mother was unfaithful and my sister was not his child. He didn’t bother with me after that.
My paternal grandma was so furious at his behavior that they became estranged and for some unknown reason, my aunt took my father’s side and cut my grandma out.
My grandma threw herself into loving me and my half-sister, who she treated as her own. Even paying for us both to go to private school.
My father passed away when I was in my late teens and honestly, I felt nothing.
Sadly my grandmother passed away earlier this year.
She left me the whole estate but did give (converted) about $80k to my sister.
This was not good enough for my sister who is challenging the will. My aunt has also come on the scene after 25 years and is trying the same but I am told they have no claim.
Now it gets weird. I have recently been contacted by a man, M, who is in his early 20s and claiming to be my long-lost half-brother. M is saying he was born around the time my father died and he wants to get to know his sister/this part of the family.
He is being quite pushy in trying to get to know more about me. Contacting me on all socials, trying to get my home address, etc.
I want nothing to do with this.
This has led to my sister and aunt calling me a jerk for not getting to know him, I expected this given the current situation but my own mother is taking their side saying I should get to know him.
I am being told it is what my Grandma would want and I am going against her ideals while “taking all her money happy enough”.
My husband supports me but has warned I am walking a thin line and could become the jerk easily as I don’t know the whole story here.
I don’t know this man. I don’t think I owe him anything and frankly, I find the timing and support he seems to be getting to be suspicious.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. While your grandma didn’t know of this guy who supposedly is your half-brother, if she had wanted something different, she would have done something different in her will.
Your half-sister got what she got because that’s what your grandma wanted. You’re not “taking all her money.” You’re accepting the gift that your gma purposely and specifically left you. There’s absolutely no reason for you to get to know this stranger claiming to be your half-brother if you don’t want to.
However, I would suggest saying that you need a DNA test to see if he truly is your half-brother. See his (or everyone’s) reaction. I wouldn’t be surprised if he got offended and refused to do so, and everyone else said you’re wrong for not just trusting this random person you don’t know is being truthful.
This sounds like an attempt at a money grab because your half-sister and apparently your aunt know that they have no claim to the will.
Go no contact. Be confident in the fact that your grandma specifically left you what she left you, and gave whatever she gave to your half-sister because that’s what she wanted. Don’t allow them to bully, manipulate, or guilt you into things just because they want money.
Tell them all that yes, you’re accepting the gift that your grandma left you, and you’re respecting her wishes by not giving anything to any of them. If she had wanted them to have something or have more, she would have done so. Their jealousy and disrespect are their problem, not yours.
Also, tell them that if they can bring your grandmother back to life, you’ll happily give them everything, but only after they do so. Death and wills cause people to behave so horribly. The reality is that you don’t actually need to deal with any of it.
Don’t respond to them, mute them (I always encourage muting people over blocking), grieve for the loss of someone who you love, and accept what she left you because that’s what she wanted.” Nymph-the-scribe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m so sorry you lost your grandma.
Maybe she would want you to get to know M, but you can be certain that more than that, she would want you to be safe. M’s behavior is strange, at best. You could simply block, or you could say that it’s been quite a shock to have this news from a complete stranger and that you’re not ready for contact, particularly when it’s been frequent over a short space of time.
Say you need some privacy right now. If M is genuine then he will respect that. If not, treat as hostile.” CoffeeSippingCat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ OP – I also urge you to be cautious with your sister. Just because someone treats you well it doesn’t mean that they equate you to “legal family”.
I think your grandma was upset at your dad because of you and she opened her heart to your sister. Instead of your sister being appreciative, she’s entitled – somehow thinking that someone being kind and loving to her means she should have their estate.
So it’s in court – be careful with your words. Your grandma didn’t treat your sister as her own, she was loving to her in day-to-day life but when it came to her financial legacy there was a distinction. To me, a natural, normal distinction.
It’s litigation so just be cautious.” Kami_Sang
13. AITJ For Not Wanting To Care For My Partner Who Isn't Taking His Illness Seriously?
“My partner (26M) hasn’t been feeling well. I felt so bad for him, took care of him to the best of my ability, and have really been sweet to him.
I told him to take off work to go to the doctor, so he went and they said he has a sinus infection and upper respiratory infection and prescribed him 5 different things. We’re on the phone while I’m at work and he’s asking me what he should and shouldn’t get, I felt so bad for him and told him I’d come home and take care of him.
Well, he then leaves the doctor and goes to the movies with a friend and then goes to the bar, and his friend gets so intoxicated he has to carry him out of the bar and take him home. Then while he’s out doing this, sends me a screenshot of concert tickets for a concert he wanted to go to that night.
I call him and tell him to come home. He comes home, I ask how the heck he’s had so much energy to do more with 2 infections in 12 hours than I’ve done all year, he said the medicine made him feel better.
That night, he goes to work and is texting me telling me how bad he feels and how he should have stayed home from work.
Gets off work, and goes out and gets two tattoos with his friends. Goes to work the next day, still texting me complaining about how bad he feels, now he is off work and went to his friend’s house.
I don’t feel bad anymore, it’s like he wants me to continue babying him like always but I can’t feel bad for someone who acts this way.
I don’t think he’s faking being sick because I can tell there is something wrong, but am I wrong for not wanting to take care of him anymore or really being nice about it at all? If he genuinely felt that bad he wouldn’t be able to run around the world doing all this like nothing’s wrong.
He’s always out doing all kinds of stuff with his friends, but he usually isn’t so sick.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but why are you in a relationship with this high school child in a 26-year-old body? (Said with apologies to the more mature high schoolers out there, of which I know there are many.) I would bet that at least one of his five prescriptions didn’t interact well with the booze, which might also be why he had to be carried home, though of course it’s possible he just got that intoxicated on top of the meds.
It’s also inadvisable to get a tattoo while sick; a weakened immune system leaves you more susceptible to infections (or in this case even more infections). He thinks that’s a good time to go to bars and concerts? So not only is he not smart or mature enough to take care of himself, but he also doesn’t seem to care about anyone else and wants you to mommy him, as long as it doesn’t get in the way of him partying.
I don’t like to armchair diagnose, but your partner is a grade-A dingus.” oliviamrow
Another User Comments:
“Your partner is a complete idiot and will only get more sick. The fact that he was dumb enough to get tattooed while already on 5 different medications because he’s sick is the stupidest thing.
Those tattoos are most likely going to heal like garbage because his immune system is already working overdrive to fight the infections and now it has to heal 2 open wounds. I guarantee he didn’t let the artist know because no professional would have agreed to tattoo him in these conditions.
I would absolutely not care for him at all if he’s going to be so careless with his health.” BO0BO0P4nd4Fck
Another User Comments:
“Why the heck is he out amongst so many other people? We’ve just had an upper respiratory infection in our household, and it was BRUTAL. It was so much worse than any we’ve had before.
Even my daughter got sick, and she never gets sick. When I saw how bad she was for a few days, I knew it was a really bad one. Every single person in our house got it. We stayed away from other people, especially my elderly parents and MIL because we knew it was bad, we knew it was infectious, and we didn’t want anyone else to get it.” regus0307
12. AITJ For Being Upset That My Pregnant Sister's Partner Isn't Contributing To Our Shared Home?
“My sister and I have our own house together and she recently became pregnant.
Her partner had nowhere to go and was going to have to move to a very far town which would cause conflict for her because she wouldn’t have help with the baby, a ride to work, or a ride to her appointments. When we discussed it I told him as long as he helps split the rent between us, helps keep the house clean, and helps us pay the bills which is only water, gas, and WiFi that he could stay.
The whole time he’s been here “he’s looked for a job” but he “can’t find anything” so we’ve been paying the rent and bills without him contributing. I bought $800 worth of food and it’s almost gone, I work 16-hour shifts and I’m barely home so I know it’s him who’s constantly in the kitchen.
Our water bill is $600 because he takes 30-minute showers and has a “whole routine” he has to follow. He doesn’t help clean unless we ask him, and even then my sister does everything for him because he “doesn’t know how”. I often clean by myself because they both don’t help clean like they should but mainly him.
I told her countless times to talk to him about helping with bills and cleaning but not much has changed, I don’t even think she’s making it seem like it’s urgent.
I was being understanding and sympathetic at first but now I’m becoming annoyed and regretful.
She’s going on maternity leave in March so I know if he doesn’t get a job by then I’ll be stuck paying everything by myself until her disability kicks in, and I’ll be stuck cleaning everything because she’ll be recovering from childbirth and won’t be able to help.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Make moves. If you think you are being selfish/unsupportive, good you are probably on the right track. Do not let these 2 adults bring in a baby thinking they can just play about. They got 3 months to learn to be adults let alone parents.
Baby can go without a parent for a little bit, baby has to have adults though. Do not become that adult without a fight! One of my best friends raised her niece and while it’s all love the ONE sore spot she has is how her sister stuck that on her.” pottersquash
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to deal with this ASAP because if he is still living there when the baby is born, he’ll be there forever. No way she’s going to make him move out while she has a newborn, she’ll want him there for help and support.
I think rather than telling her that he has to move out, a better approach might be telling her you are moving out yourself. As long as you are still at that house they will be making excuses and delaying… if you are the one moving out, they can’t really stop you, and as soon as you move you’re done with him.” Tdluxon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Weaponized incompetence. He’s a functioning human being.. he can learn how to clean. I’m having the same argument with my ten-year-old. “Oh but I don’t know how to do it. Oh but you do it better and I won’t be able to do it that good.
Etc.” I just told her… “Well, you won’t know until you try and learn from attempting things. Any attempt is better than none. If it gets on my nerves enough, yes, I might go and redo it but it won’t change that you tried in the first place.” Can’t say it works every time lol but the point is the same.
You’re funny aware of what the future is going to look like.. she is being absolutely ignorant to the obvious future she has if she doesn’t set boundaries now. Seeing as she won’t and you’re the one covering the majority of everything, he’s raking up the bike more and it’s about to be your pocket that has to cover everything… You’re more than right to be putting the final line down.
I think it might be better if you talk to them both at the same time though as she may not even be telling him. NTJ.” NettyKing89
11. AITJ For Not Giving My Mom My New Kitten Because I Moved Out?
“I (f18) am freshly moved out with my partner (m20.) We already have a male cat but decided on getting another. She is a baby female kitten and absolutely adorable and loving.
The problem started when we brought her home. My male cat is probably about a teen right now and needs to be neutered, but since my female cat is a kitten I thought I’d have more time.
I did not. So while waiting for my cat to get an appointment I asked my mom if she would cat-sit for me. She agreed and brought her home.
Now as silly as it may seem – and this is relevant-, I have a lot of guilt about moving.
I love my dad but he is nowhere near a great guy, and I felt like I left my mom and brother behind (even though we live in the same town.) I’d told my mother this and she understood and told me not to feel guilty.
Things have changed though. She constantly tries to convince me to let her have my kitten, and as dumb as it may sound she’s part of my family I’ve made for myself. She’s my baby girl and so every time I say no. When I do she gets upset and says things like, “You feel bad for leaving me behind?
Give me something to love. I need something to love.”
And it has me feeling like maybe I really am in the wrong, and that I should really give her the kitten to make ‘amends’ even though I don’t really want to.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I’ve read your replies. She is weaponizing your guilt, she is trying to make you feel bad. It’s on her to manage on her own and relearn life without her kids in the home. I have years before I have to think about that but I know it is going to happen.
What I won’t be doing is making my child feel guilty for leaving the family home and embarking on their own life.” aricyl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The void that was left behind when you moved out is not your responsibility. Your mom being sad and missing you is totally natural, but that’s her issue to deal with.
That she’s trying to use guilt over you moving out to get you to give up your kitten – especially given that you’ve already told her no – is manipulative and not okay. If she believes a kitten will fill the void you left, then she can absolutely go and adopt one of her own.” hannahkelli
Another User Comments:
“DEFINITELY NTJ. Please, please, PLEASE do not let her guilt trip you into giving her your precious kitten. You may feel guilty and “want” to give it to her at the time but once you enter your house without that lovely kitten you’re going to feel regret and you’re going to feel down and depressed and not only would it affect you.
It would probably affect your partner and your male cat. Just because you moved away doesn’t mean you left her behind, so please don’t let yourself believe you’re a bad person for thriving and not giving her your and your partner’s cat. She needs to stop being ridiculous and get another cat and stop expecting someone to just hand over their cat that they’ve only just gotten, paid for, and started to love dearly.
And just like you said you haven’t left your town so I’m guessing she could EASILY visit if she wanted to. She (respectfully) needs to grow up and get over herself. DO NOT GIVE HER YOUR BABY GIRL!” Shadows_inmyroom
10. AITJ For Asking My Husband To Stop Financially Supporting His Jobless Brothers?
“My husband (30M) and I (30F) have been married since 2021, been together since 2019. He is a very sweet man and always ready to help.
He is the middle of two other brothers (32 & 25). My husband and I have worked very hard to get what we have and be where we are today. His father passed away earlier this year and we paid for funeral services without asking for or expecting anything in return.
His older brother has a part-time job that does not have reliable or consistent hours. He works for a friend getting paid cash under the table. He sometimes doesn’t work for weeks at a time but may work one or two days at a time.
His younger brother is recovering from a substance addiction and has been clean for about 6 months. He got into a bad car wreck about a year ago and uses this as an excuse for everything.
Neither will find steady work and have been without a paycheck for about two months now.
When we mentioned a local job listing, they acted like the job was below them (although they aren’t working).
Here’s the problem. They both are living with my husband’s mom but neither of them is working. My MIL is on a set income of about 1200-1300$/month and she struggles sometimes, even with both sons in the house.
No food in the house, no propane to heat it. They all have bad spending habits (booze, lotto, not good at budgeting) and my husband has changed 180 his spending habits and budgeting since we got together.
After we visited for Thanksgiving we had a serious talk about helping them monetarily.
I told my husband that I can’t see myself having children with him while he is continuing to fund his old family and not supporting the future of our future family. The argument got a little heated and I feel bad because they do struggle and I would hate to be the reason they go hungry or are struggling more than need be.
I looked at bank statements, and in total his family has received over 5000$ and offered to pay back 0 this year alone. I told him I don’t mind helping his mom when she needs it, but she never puts her foot down when it comes to giving the money to the other two mooching sons who refuse to get a steady job, and they keep asking for more and more money.
(300$ Thanksgiving weekend alone). They are able-bodied men who can but won’t find a job.
Am I the jerk for asking him to basically cut off the donations to his side of the family to focus on our future family’s needs?”
Another User Comments:
“You are going to have to decide what you are going to do. There is no way I would be giving grown men money to party. Consider dividing your money into 4 different pots. Household bills, savings, and personal for each of you. Hubby can only lend/give them his personal money without your joint approval. I am not saying don’t help Mom, but I would cut the brothers off.
Your hubby is going to have to grow a backbone and stop enabling them and you may need to help with that by being the source of his strength to do that. Stand strong. Good luck.” One-Childhood432
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you two are not their parents, they are GROWN men, ENTIRELY capable of taking care of themselves.
Booze etc are not essentials. Even if you were made of money you shouldn’t be expected to cover such expenses. I understand if they were in a tough spot for a little while, helping them out for a few months while they stabilize. At this point they are just leeching off you, taking advantage of your resources and kindness, “give a man a finger and he’ll take your whole hand.” Entirely agree with what you said to your husband about wanting to focus more on building your new family – though I guess how that was communicated would have an impact.
You don’t want to sound like you are trying to “bin off” his current family. But he has to understand that you two cannot be solely responsible for two grown men who refuse to help themselves. They made their bed, now they gotta lay in it.
Your main purpose in life should not be supporting people who are “too good” to support themselves, I believe you and your husband have been brought together for things greater than that. Communicate this with them & MIL in a “we want what’s best for you all and to make the best of each of our lives” way, more than the “you are money-leeching inconveniences” perspective though.” maddaeq
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not the reason they will go hungry, unsheltered, unclothed, or anything. They are making the choices that are leaving them in these situations. And your MIL also chose to let them move back in and take on the burden of their company.
Nobody just moves into someone’s house because anywhere in the world people can be evicted for trying to take over someone else’s home. They are choosing poverty and uncertainty, and partially because they expect to be bailed out. This is the hard part of being the one to break the cycle and gain stability, success, safety, and happiness in life.
Those who haven’t managed to break free try really hard to shoulder the blame of their circumstances on your success. And there is a kind of survivor’s guilt that exists for those who leave that behind which allows the remainers to prey on your emotions and to instill the idea that somehow their money/success is owed to them because they ‘never had the same chance’.
But who gave your husband his chance? Or did he succeed by making hard choices, taking accountability, and working hard? Your husband needs counseling. It is so hard to move on when the people you have loved want to hold you back. Learning to build boundaries is near impossible when you want them to break free, too.
Doing it for yourself is one thing, and it’s awesome that you are both doing so well. Feeling responsible for your family’s success or failure is another: it’s enmeshment. This needs counseling. He won’t be able to move forward with you in your married life any further without professional help.
Good luck.” mimka79
9. AITJ For Being Upset That My Husband Gave Me An Inconsiderate Gift?
“I (32) am currently 9 months pregnant and I feel like my husband (32) doesn’t care about me as a person anymore. This is because this evening we were at a friend’s house to exchange Christmas gifts, and I noticed he gave the two other couples there the same bag as the gift he gave me this afternoon (I didn’t open mine of course, it’s for Christmas).
The ladies there opened theirs, so I saw what was perhaps going to be in mine too. When we were driving home I asked him if I was going to get similar stuff, which was two goodies from a beauty shop, and he replied yes.
I was pretty underwhelmed because:
1. I don’t like that beauty shop because their stuff has nickel in it, and he knows I’m allergic to it, plus I’ve told him before because his mother bought me something from them and I never used it.
2. I gave him hints about my possible gifts since October, and he bought that bag yesterday, so I think he clearly doesn’t listen to me/care about what I say.
3. He bought me the same stuff as two friends, so I think he doesn’t think I’m more important than them, and it stings.
4. He gave me the bag this afternoon because I was making Christmas cards for our two extended families (drawing, painting, and writing them), and he asked me to do one for myself too because he didn’t want to make one for me himself.
To clarify, the budget for my gift is never over 30€, which we both agreed on, and he is very well off with his salary, so it isn’t a money issue.
While we were arguing he yelled and made me cry and said he doesn’t care about gifts, he doesn’t want to keep gifting me painting supplies and books (which I both love), and that if I don’t like the gift he bought me, he will throw it away so I won’t have anything for myself.
I’m extremely tired of being looked over when I think about the interests of everyone else all the time. I have been counting on him since this year, with the pregnancy, I’m not a person anymore because everyone cares about the baby more than me.
We went home and kept discussing and he left the house slamming doors and yelling.
AITJ for arguing over the gift?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your husband definitely is. At this point in time with your pregnancy, he should be doting on you and expressing love, which he clearly is not.
So sorry to hear that, you deserve much better than a jerk who wants you to make your own card and not give you considerate gifts. I’m sorry to say this guy does not love you and care for you and you deserve so much more.
Please search out a better life for yourself than a loveless marriage.” Single-Ant3193
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And I’m so sorry your husband is an insensitive jerk. Sadly, some men are just clueless, and use weaponized incompetence as an excuse for poor gift-giving. You told him what you like.
And he ignores it. He could have gotten off cheap & easy getting you a book. And what the heck is up with spending the same amount of money on women who he’s not married to? That’s messed up. He deserves to spend the rest of the year on the sofa.
Or send him home to his mother’s.” Lizdance40
Another User Comments:
“YTJ to yourself. Why on earth did you marry and decide to have a child with such an insensitive, selfish jerk? I’m really hoping he changed after you became pregnant and that you didn’t just ignore warning signs.
Either way, he’s told you who he is. A selfish jerk who’d rather not get you anything than get you a present you’ll enjoy. Oh and he berates you when you have a reasonable reaction to his behavior. You need to think about the future of this relationship.
If it’s salvageable you need to have a serious conversation on what needs to happen if he wants this relationship to continue.” ApprehensiveBook4214
8. AITJ For Asking My Housemate To Stop Using Our Shared Living Space As Her Office?
“My housemate and I work from home at least a couple of times a week. Our living room, dining room, and kitchen are all open-plan.
I have a desk in my bedroom, she doesn’t have one in hers.
So whenever she works from home, she turns the dining room table into her office and I’m working from my bedroom.
There are a few things worth pointing out here: by her own admission, she’s loud, plays loud music, works through lunch, and is a workaholic who will regularly work well into the evening.
She also beats her keyboard into so much submission you can hear it from the other side of the apartment.
I’m very conscious that too much working from home isn’t good for my mental health so I’m really trying to up my office attendance. All the same, when I am home, I feel like my use of our shared living space isn’t being respected. When we’re both here during a work day I feel trapped in my bedroom, unable to take breaks in the living room and relax.
And then in the evening, I can’t relax while she’s using the space, even if she doesn’t play music or take calls (just her using a living room as a workplace changes the atmosphere for me).
I’ve called her up on this and said I’d like the living space to be work-free from 5 pm – if she needs to work late, she needs to go to the office.
I’ve also asked for us to avoid working from home at the same time so I can use the living space when I am here – after all, I shouldn’t be disadvantaged for being the one with a desk in my room.
But she thinks I’m being too demanding and that she has a right to do what she’s doing.
She thinks that so long as she isn’t taking calls or playing music she can work from the living space as late as she wants. I strongly disagree.
AITJ here? Am I being too demanding or is she too entitled?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are sharing the apartment and the common space is supposed to be for all to use.
By her using the dining space as her office, she is bringing her workspace into the common area and that interferes with your right to use the space as it’s intended. Tell her that you use your bedroom as your office, and let her know that she must do the same.
There are small desks for small areas, and they don’t cost a fortune. Her conducting her workday in the dining room interferes with your right to unwind and get away from the office atmosphere.” Aggressive_Cattle320
Another User Comments:
“Everyone is a jerk here. Don’t stay in your room.
Shared living space is exactly that. She cannot take over that space for her own personal use- at ANY time. You don’t get to tell people to go into the office. Just because you don’t like it/can’t balance, doesn’t mean it’s a problem for anyone else.
She should be able to work from home as much as she wants, but she doesn’t get to require people to be quiet after normal working hours are over. Live your life in the shared space. It’s shared- all day. Quiet hours are observed during whatever your town/residence says.
Any other time it’s free game. Stop acting like a prisoner in your own home. It doesn’t matter if she doesn’t like the intrusion because it’s not her personal space: If she wants to be undisturbed she needs a desk in her room.” Jmfroggie
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If she’s blasting music, taking loud calls, absolutely she needs to be as mindful as possible. (Does she have room in her room for a desk? Is it far enough away to make a difference?) If she’s not being loud, what’s the difference between “working” and “using the living room”?
If she was sitting there and browsing Reddit or playing video games, would you have a problem? Or it’s just about the way it makes you feel like it’s an “office space”? What she’s doing on her personal computer is not your business. Unless she’s telling you that you can’t walk around or watch TV or whatever because it’s disruptive.
Then everyone is a jerk here.” Usrname52
7. AITJ For Wanting To Distance Myself From My Mooching In-Laws?
“My husband is amazing and everything about him makes me incredibly happy. Except his mother and brother. They have always treated him poorly and less than and that really has always made me angry. My husband is a hard worker and we’ve built a wonderful life for ourselves.
Bought a house. Have great jobs. Etc. While his brother (30) still lives with his mother and has 0 desire to build a life for himself.
Here lately I’ve noticed how much they actually mooch off us. It started small and now has escalated and I can’t handle it anymore.
Here’s a couple of examples. So for MY birthday and his brother’s (our birthdays are two days apart), we decided to go to an Alabama football game. We informed his brother that we would front the tickets, parking, and gas as part of his gift. However, we paid for almost everything.
We paid for breakfast, lunch, and beers at the game with the full intention that he would pay us back. When we bought him a beer he never mentioned paying us back and then he got up to go to the concession stand and he grabbed two beers and I fully thought he grabbed my husband a beer as well to repay him for the beer we had bought him.
But when my husband asked if the beer was for him he said no, and then just sat down.. that made me super, super upset because the lack of self-awareness really grinds my gears. He never paid us back for any of the stuff that we paid for and just acted like we almost owed it to him..
the tickets were $1300.
Then we decided to do a Thanksgiving at our house and I said that I would cook all of the food and that they could just come over and bring booze.. they went through a drive-through right before coming over to our house knowing that we cooked a full meal. It isn’t like my cooking is bad.
They like it when they’ve eaten it. I just thought it was super inconsiderate considering I spent so much money on food and so much time cooking it. They didn’t even bring their booze and expected us to provide it for them.
I know his mother struggles financially but his brother has a job and can FULLY support himself since he has little to no bills.
These are just two examples of what I’ve dealt with for 4 years and I feel like ever since my husband dropped how much he got paid (his brother asked) they’ve really amped up taking advantage of it. We are very well off and they assume we will just front everything.
I officially have 0 desire to be around them and have thought about canceling Christmas with them all together this year. Am I the jerk for not wanting to be around them? My husband is also on my side with this and understands my anger.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all but you and your husband need to be on the same page of how to handle before you proceed. Things you need to plan/decide: If you usually host Christmas, are you going to do it this year but with boundaries, or are you going to not invite them?
If the former, agree on those boundaries down to the last detail! Are y’all helping his mother financially and are you willing to continue? Or will you be looking for ways that benefit her and not him? Or none of the above? I’ve been through this and it can be exhausting.
And while your husband is with you on this, remember this IS his mother so it may be tougher/more emotional for him. But the main thing you can do is both of you really really talk through all the scenarios that come up or may come up and be on the same page as much as possible.
Since it’s his mother I’d defer to him for the most part when you don’t agree, barring anything outrageous. Good luck. This is never fun and hard to stick to your guns sometimes, but if you’re together, and consistent, you WILL see the reward from this after they finally figure out you’re serious.” Ok-Position7403
Another User Comments:
“NTJ….You are not the jerk for not wanting to be around them, but you are for letting them take advantage of you. Game…you told him what you would pay for. He clearly could buy himself his own beer. You did not need to pay for his breakfast, lunch, or anything else at said game.
Did you tell him he was to pay you back? Did you ask? NO is a complete sentence. They can ask, and you can say no. Decide on your boundaries, set them and stick with them. Like I tell my husband re: his mother, “You cannot change people, but you can change how you react to said people”.” Worth-Season3645
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I would suggest finding a different plan for Christmas. Mom, we won’t be around for Christmas this year because OP and I have decided to do a romantic getaway for Christmas. Then find somewhere to go. That way you are not canceling because they mooch, you are canceling because you decided to go out of town on a couple’s getaway.
For every holiday, you and hubby need to find somewhere else to go. And then politely, slightly apologetically, say, Sorry, but we will be away. Eventually, his mom and brother will call you both out on leaving them behind. You and hubby need to be prepared for that with an answer, such as, Op and I are married and we want to go on some romantic getaways before we settle down to have kids.
Mom, you and brother need to figure out your own traditions. Do NOT EVER count on them for bringing anything. They are takers. They know you make more money than them and they feel ENTITLED to your money. Eventually, the relationship between you/hubby and them is going to explode.
They will get very upset at you not spending your money on them and they will bully, guilt, shame, etc you to spend your money on them. You and hubby need to prepare for this because either you are going to go your own way or you are going to give in.
There is no middle ground because they are takers. They don’t give, they take. Respectful, caring, supportive people give and take. They don’t give. They take because they feel entitled to the fruits of someone else’s hard work. Your MIL ruined your BIL. She raised him to be dependent on others.
She wants him to be her permanent little boy. He isn’t fixable because she enables him.” shout-out-1234
6. AITJ For Buying An Android To Stop My Mom From Tracking Me?
“After 4 years of having an iPhone SE, and more of having other iPhones, I (age 22) recently bought an Android Phone (Samsung A25).
This has lots of reasons, mainly storage issues, and my mother controlling me over the “find my” application from Apple. She uses this to get herself more relaxed, sometimes she has digestion problems when my phone is apparently stuck in a shopping mall overnight (because the battery died), just to give an example.
I am not able to turn the location off (I don’t know the password to the Apple ID, only my parents do, and they obviously don’t give it to me for this reason), so I had to buy a new Android phone as I consider myself old enough to live without their supervision.
I had a phone call with my father today, and he seemed not happy about what I had done. I am the first in my family not to have an iPhone, we need to transfer all data, etc. and my mother will probably suffer from psychosomatic effects.
I should say that I’m a student, so I don’t have a regular revenue and depend roughly half on my parents when it comes to money.
Am I the jerk for buying this phone?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re an adult, even if you’re still partially dependent on your parents because you’re a full-time student.
It’s not normal or healthy to obsess over your location, and you & your dad should be gently guiding your mom toward professional psychiatric help for her anxiety. Set this boundary now, so that your parents can get used to treating you like the adult you are, and they won’t be learning to deal with this cold turkey when you graduate and presumably move out on your own permanently.
Good luck, OP.” TheMillennialDiaries
Another User Comments:
“Enabling doesn’t actually help with her anxiety issues. She needs to work on the root of her issues, not track you because clearly what she’s been doing hasn’t been helping seeing as she still freaks out when your phone dies or is otherwise unable to accurately track you.
Tracking you is just a bandaid, it doesn’t actually solve her problems. She can’t rely on stalking you for the rest of her life. You’re an adult, you don’t need to be tracked 24/7. I highly recommend working towards financial independence because while you’re within your rights to not want to be tracked, they’re within their rights to not financially help you.” Remote-Passenger7880
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents should not be tracking your location at that age. If your mother is claiming she literally worries sick about you, even though you’re an adult and she can contact you whenever she wants, she’s either not being totally honest or she should see a doctor.
I have had psychosomatic anxiety in the past that caused gas, as well as joint pain and a feverish feeling. Now I’m on Prozac. It no longer happens. Hers seems more situational and she just might need time to adjust or to talk to her friends or a therapist (I know not everyone likes therapy, but it doesn’t need to be a therapist she talks this through with.
If she knows other moms they could probably reassure her that it’s time you become independent). Either way, being a trigger for anxiety isn’t really the same thing as ‘causing’ it. Think PTSD. If someone honks their horn at a vet and she has an episode, they didn’t cause that underlying condition and really have no control over how it flares up.
Same deal here.” falanian
5. AITJ For Being Upset After My Mom Ignored My Fainting Episode?
“Today, I (15f) was helping my parents and holding up a very heavy object for them when all of a sudden my vision started going black and I thought I was going to throw up. I remember asking my mom please, please, please take this from me I have to let it go I don’t feel so good.
I’m actually sick and I think I’m gonna faint or throw up, I can’t see (she probably thinks I fake other illnesses when in reality I just have a stupid weak immune system).
So, I proceed to black out on the concrete and come to my senses after some time (this is outside in front of our house where they were working and my mom could clearly see me, not sure how long I was out, probably a few minutes) with my ear and body hurting like crazy.
I am completely out of it and stumble to a piece of grass 20 or so feet away and conk out again (at this point I thought I was going to throw up).
Wake up again to some people walking by and I try to rush inside and low and behold meet my mother.
I say I think I fainted and she just tells me to “go outside and cool down” (Like go lay in the grass???). So I just left and it took a while before I felt ok, I also realized a few minutes later I had gotten a pretty significant scrape on my back too.
I later confronted her about it, asking why she didn’t help me and she said she thought I was “faking it” because I didn’t want to hold the object up any longer and my fall looked too “graceful/slow” for it to be real, plus it’s the first time this happened. I got mad and started crying because it felt like she didn’t care.
Now I don’t want to talk to her, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and please go see a doctor. It’s not normal to feel faint from just lifting something heavy. It could be something as simple as anemia, but it could also be much worse.
Better to get it diagnosed sooner rather than later. Also, your mom is terrible. If she’s just as dismissive when you ask to go to the doctor as she was about this incident, tell an adult you trust about this and see if they’ll take you.
Your dad, a relative, a teacher, a friend’s parent, really anyone will do as long as you trust them and they take you seriously.” algunarubia
Another User Comments:
“Omg NTJ… former NP here, now disabled with POTS (please google dysautonomia and POTS, sounds like possible cause but this is just the internet).
However, the rule of thumb is that ANY episode of syncope (fainting) gets a full cardiac and neuro workup. One possible cause is cardiac arrhythmia… think of teen athletes with sudden cardiac arrest. I’m not trying to scare you, but it’s imperative you get seen asap for evaluation.
I would go to emergency today, there are labs and imaging that urgent care and outpatient simply cannot get run.” FiestyMum
Another User Comments:
“I experienced “graceful fainting” when I was also 15 because of a thing called vasovagal syncope. I also have low blood pressure.
Because I am still able to control bodily function while my vision goes out, I would control how I would land so as not to hit my head but wasn’t able to interfere much more than that. My mother took it very seriously as I started fainting almost daily because of it, but I also recall her not thinking it was real fainting the first time.
She described the way I fell as “dropping a wet washcloth.” The doctors said it was something I was likely to grow out of and I did! The last fainting episode I remember having was when I was 19 and nothing since. If the fainting starts occurring regularly definitely insist on a visit to your primary care doctor.” v0reMormon
4. AITJ For Choosing To Spend Christmas With My Partner's Family In Mexico?
“About six months ago I and my partner got our families together for lunch. During the lunch my partner’s mother mentioned that they wanted to go to Mexico for Christmas and I was invited, all expenses paid. Upon hearing this I could tell my mother was getting antsy as I had not spent Christmas Day, but the day after, with them last year because of restrictions with my medical residency.
I told her mom that I would consider it and not to buy a ticket for me yet.
As time went on, I completed my residency and started a new job and put in the time off for Christmas, just in case I went. Well, I just found out that they approved my PTO, freeing me to go on the trip.
However, after telling my mom my intentions yesterday, she was very upset and now I’m rethinking going. AITJ if I go on the trip?”
Another User Comments:
“I would think NTJ for choosing to go on the trip – it’s a special circumstance that’s unlikely to become the regular and last year wasn’t your fault.
However, I would make it up to her and put effort into the Xmas you do have with her. And call her on Xmas day of course. When we become adults and navigate geographically distanced families it’s inevitable that some friction will result.” blanketsandplants
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – navigating splitting family obligations between both sides of the relationship is messy- you can’t take last year into account- it was for your job, etc – which the medical field doesn’t stop just because it’s Christmas – my husband was the first of his generation to have a serious enough relationship to have other holiday commitments (I was too for that matter on my side) and how our families handled it was totally different.
His went off the deep end calling him a traitor and never there for the family and we quit even getting invited to events all because they couldn’t fathom having to split family obligations (and mind you – I skipped stuff with family to spend it with them first).
My mom on the other hand knew that we both had families, made it known we were always welcome at holidays but also made a point of having the big family gatherings like the weekend before or after to free us up for other side commitments if need be day of.
Go on the trip and make some time to spend some quality time with your mom.” sdbremer
Another User Comments:
“I went through this with my parents. They forget that when you find a partner – there’s a new balance for your life. My mom was so used to doing whatever my dad wanted her whole life, that she truly couldn’t understand how now that myself and my siblings were seeing someone or engaged or married – how we could consider another family.
It’s not in her psychology. It’s just something family has to get used to as the families grow larger – to share certain days. My wife and I now send a mass text or phone call to family to let them know what day we are planning to celebrate a holiday with them.
We give the date and time and if they can’t make it – no hard feelings we will see you after the holidays. This has caused way less drama and it also means she and I can finally spend our actual holidays alone, in peace with our baby in our pajamas- not having to host anyone or drive in soul-sucking traffic.
Change is hard! Choose your hard – now? Or later after years of resentment building up!” [deleted]
3. AITJ For Getting Upset At My Mom For Ruining My Color Corrector Makeup?
“I (19) did my mom’s (56) makeup yesterday for fun. She ended up really liking how I was able to cover up her dark spots and asked me what I used. I told her it was a color corrector that I bought in Korea.
She then asked me to explain it to her, because she “wanted to use it from now on too”.
I went through and explained how each color is meant to “correct” another (basically just told her I used the peachy color to correct her dark spots).
She then says “I’m going to use it tomorrow before I leave for church in the morning.” I tell her “PLEASE wake me up and have ME put it on you.” I was extremely nervous about this because she has a history of using my makeup without asking me and 99% of the time she uses products incorrectly and damages them.
So, I told her I’d rather she not use mine at all but if she insisted on having me there to make sure she doesn’t mess up my products that I paid for.
As I’m going to bed, I consider hiding my color corrector before sleeping so that no matter what she won’t use it without my supervision.
However, I decided to trust her and go to bed.
The morning rolls around and I wake up to see her already rummaging through my products in my room. I say “??? Did you already use my color corrector??” and she says “Yeah!”
I bolt up and look at it and am horrified to find that she’s done everything I was scared she’d do.
She didn’t know how much of the product to use, so she overshot and now there are two humongous craters in the product. She also MIXED the two colors that are in the product. The green is supposed to counteract redness and the peach is supposed to counteract dark spots—she mixed both together so now the entire product is just this ugly, muddy mess.
I asked her why she used it when I explicitly told her 100 times to make sure I was awake and supervising her, and she told me that she tried to wake me up and I didn’t respond, so she just went ahead and used it.
I said, “if I didn’t respond, then you should have PUT IT DOWN???? How am I supposed to use this now??????” And she told me I was overreacting and to hurry up and give her more of my products before she left.
I told her to get out of my room and kicked her out.
She yelled at me, saying that I was overreacting over nothing, and slammed my door on her way out.
I spent the morning crying in frustration. It’s not like she was asleep while I did her makeup with the color corrector, SHE SAW ME USE IT AND LITERALLY HAD ME EXPLAIN IT.
Never once did I even touch the green-colored corrector, so why did she go and mix them??? Not to mention, can’t she see the product clearly has the color separated into their own sections? You can SEE from the fact there is no mixing that I’ve used this product intentionally not mixing the colors…SO WHY WOULD SHE THINK THAT IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA TO MIX THEM????
AITJ and reacting over nothing?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She needs to pay you back the cost of everything she ruined (because it sounds like she wouldn’t know what to buy to replace it) and unfortunately, you’re going to have to keep all of your makeup in a bag that stays in your room or somewhere she can’t find it.
It might help to go to the beauty store together and have an employee there explain and demo color correctors for her, and she can buy one for herself with her own money if she likes it. Maybe hearing the proper way to use a product like that from another adult that isn’t her daughter would stick a bit better?
Either way, she isn’t entitled to your belongings that you bought and paid for, and she needs to learn that.” ScatterbrainedGenius
Another User Comments:
“I cringe on your behalf about the mixing of colors in the palette and incorrect use. I, too, would be upset if anyone handled my very expensive makeup that way (I’m fussy over brands).
Is it a case of you only need to scrape off the top mixed bit of the color, or is it a creamier color corrector that she went overkill on and is not salvageable? Your mum crossed a boundary that you are allowed to have.
So for not letting your mum use your makeup NTJ. You probably need to clear the air chat as acting out of anger wasn’t great either. When doing that, remind your mum it isn’t recommended to share makeup for hygiene reasons.” dragonetta123
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your mother deliberately broke her word to you and used your stuff, which she had no right to. She basically stole from you, and on top of that, she ruined the product and is now responsible for making you whole, i.e. replacing your cosmetics.
These are basic lessons that young children are able to understand. If you live with her: buy a lock box and keep your products in there so she doesn’t bust into them in the future; there are even makeup-specific boxes with key locks. (And also try to move out as soon as you can.) If you’re just visiting, keep a luggage lock and keep your stuff locked up.
Either way, when she inevitably gets mad because you locked her out of your stuff, remind her that this is the consequence of her actions. You can’t treat her like a trusted adult if she insists on acting like a greedy child.” oliviamrow
2. AITJ For Being Upset That My Half-Sister Is Inheriting Our Family Heirloom?
“I, 21F, have 2 full siblings, Michael, 23M, and Damien, 25M. We have a half-sister Elsie, 18F, who is a result of an affair.
Our mother, 50M, is unfortunately terminally ill, and the doctors have told us she doesn’t have much time left. She called us all in to talk about her will and what we would each be getting.
My mother was a banker and amassed quite the portfolio. Shortly after Elise was born, her mother wasn’t very active in her life, leaving her to move in with us and live with us. I could always tell mom held some sort of resentment to her, my mom wasn’t strong enough to leave after the affair and she regrets it every day.
Mom raised Elsie like her own for so long, but all Elsie could do was be snarky towards her and always say “but you’re not my real mom.” Of course she’d only say that when mom was trying to discipline her. But as soon as she needed something expensive she’d be as sweet as sugar towards mom.
I avoided Elsie growing up because I always felt like she ruined our picture-perfect family.
Back to the day this happened, Mom was reading out her will on her bed, my mother owns a beautiful emerald necklace; a family heirloom. She looks directly at Elsie and tells her she can keep it.
I started crying immediately, it doesn’t even make sense she’s not entirely part of our family, she and Mom share NO blood. I began to scream and yell at Elsie, I told her I wished she never walked into our lives, and that she should just leave because no one wanted her here.
Damien tried to calm me down and reminded me we were in a hospital. Michael left the room with Elsie to avoid escalation. I saw mom crying and it kind of hurt but she hurt me worse. I grabbed my bag and left. It’s been 3 days and I’ve gotten nonstop messages from extended family saying I hurt my mom and she didn’t mean any harm.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Very reluctantly saying YTJ because honestly how else were you supposed to react???? I mean, what in the world is your mother thinking leaving a FAMILY heirloom to her husband’s oops baby??? I’d be mad as heck too. Even if she raised her as “her own” at best Elise should get a small monetary amount compared to you and your brothers.
I’m sorry that this is the decision your mother has come to and that you now have to deal with this (and probably alone at that). I don’t know if it’s possible for her to change her mind or even have the time to change the will at this point.
Seems like even trying to have that conversation with your mom would just cause more stress on her and she’s already ill. This is a mess all around.” Electronic_Sun4582
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It’s your mother’s decision. Did she ever SAY that she resented Elsie, or is that just your perception?
As clearly your mother does see Elsie as part of the family. Elsie probably sees your mother as her own too under the circumstances, the ‘you’re not my mom’ kickbacks will be a natural teenager response to being told “No” – if you think about it, you probably said rotten things as a teenager too.
I’m sorry for your impending loss, unfortunately, you are being the cause of conflict/drama here and I strongly recommend you make peace with your family and apologize to your mother before it’s too late.” TeenySod
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Sympathy for this awful time losing your mum.
I am sorry to be harsh your mother is dying. Please try to be kind to her until then. It is very hard to keep things together when losing a loved one, so even though YTJ for not seeing her she sounds understanding. Things will get better.
Maybe get some counseling about how this is blown up in your mind to her dying would hurt her less than you seeing kindness towards your sister. Have you blamed the affair for your mum’s reserve, thinking you could detect resentment, then discovered your mum did not resent her?
This really sounds like you are hurting. It is not your sister’s fault she was born, but her whole life she has had to face things like you being upset with her for something neither of you had any say in. You are both in a position you did not choose.
Ordinary rebellion is ordinary – she had a variation on my wishing out loud I was adopted (but only when my parents were strict). Maybe try to understand the picture-perfect family is the one that does not judge people for things they cannot help.” SoIFeltDizzy
1. AITJ For Keeping The Money My Sister Got For A Dog-Sitting Job She Dumped On Me?
“I’m Matilda, 25, and I live with my partner Gregory (29). We don’t have a dog, but we both love them.
My sister, Sophia (39), agreed to watch our aunt Kathy’s two dogs—Wilbur, a husky mix, and Alfred, a Great Dane—for four months while Kathy and her husband were abroad.
Kathy offered $6,000 for the job. My sister is in debt and needed the money, but didn’t consult her husband before accepting the offer.
Sophia quickly realized that the dogs wouldn’t fit in her townhouse and begged me to let them stay in our backyard overnight while she figured things out.
Once the dogs were here, she left and told me I was now watching them for four months. She promised to give me part of the payment.
I tried calling her, but she didn’t answer. Her husband told me he refused to have the dogs in their house for that long.
I reached out to other family members, but they all refused, so Gregory and I decided to take on the responsibility, even though we had to cancel our Christmas plans.
On the second day of Kathy’s trip, I called her to explain the situation.
I told her we were taking care of the dogs but needed money for food and supplies, as Alfred eats a lot. Kathy was horrified and said Sophia had already been paid $6,000, plus $1,000 for food. She immediately called Sophia, screamed at her, and demanded she return all the money.
Kathy then sent me $8,000 to compensate us for taking care of the dogs.
Sophia called me in tears, saying they had used the money to pay bills and had to take $7,000 out of their savings. I told her I wasn’t going to feel guilty because she lied and left me to handle the dogs for four months without considering my own plans.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“This is terrible of your sister all the way through–there’s no way someone who says ‘surprise, you have a Great Dane and a Husky for the next 4 months’ is going to be the hero of the story–but the fact that your sister had $7000 in savings to pay her bills when she needed to means she wasn’t doing this out of desperation.
She’s just a jerk. NTJ, and ultimately it’s a very good thing Wilbur and Alfred have a safe and caring place to stay.” EsmeWeatherwax7a
Another User Comments:
“NTJ oh my goodness what else has your sister taken advantage of you for? This is ridiculous, she was using you to get $7,000 for free while you had to take care of 2 dogs, one of which is a GREAT DANE.
Your sister seriously sucks, she spent all the money so she was never even gonna give you half. She was probably gonna passively guilt trip you into telling her to keep it all. Why would she even be entitled to half of the money if you are doing all the work.
She also lied to you to get the dogs in your house in the first place, I bet she knew from the start she shouldn’t have them in her house at all. She tried to grift you don’t let her.” Lucariothrowaway
Another User Comments:
“OMG NTJ! This was despicable and she deserves the fallout. Who promises to care for dogs and then bails?! Both of those breeds require more work. A Great Dane must be carefully fed, or they can have stomach issues and even die! The husky requires exercise and they like interaction.
Your sister deserves whatever trouble came from this. It was so irresponsible and selfish! My little poodle went to the pet hotel for a week and that was almost $1000! There were some extras added in there like grooming, but dog care is expensive especially good dog care!
I have seen several of these stories where one of the partners in a relationship did not sign on for dog sitting. Always be sure that both people are dog lovers and will be involved. I’m glad that you were able to take care of the dogs!” Ok-Music-8732
