People Are Curious For Our Thoughts On Their “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Wanting My Unemployed Husband To Help Out Despite His Disability?
“My husband was laid off in 2020. Since then, he has had one job recently that he ended up getting fired from because he would not accept their accommodations for his disability. I am also suffering from a disability, so I get that.
However, I am trying my absolute best to maintain my current job.
My husband is a great dude. He does have PTSD from a trauma from a long time ago involving his uncle’s death. However, when I try to get him to get medicine or counseling for it, it seems he always has an excuse not to.
I have tried to drop hints that I need him to get a job, from sending him listings to talking about open positions. Ever since he was laid off, he doesn’t want to go back to work because he says he wants to experience life more.
He doesn’t even want me to work so that we can travel everywhere.
My husband also hates people and doesn’t want to work anything that involves interacting with people. He has anxiety, but in all honesty, it also seems like he’s just cold to the world and super stubborn.
I am the sole breadwinner of the house right now, and it’s draining me emotionally. I feel like a jerk for asking my husband to get a job because of his disability. Am I a jerk for asking my husband to help out?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but stop dropping hints and have a proper sit-down conversation with him. He needs to understand how you feel in all this. Don’t spring the conversation out of nowhere. Tell him you want to discuss the situation and plan a time together. Joblessness can be extremely sensitive for men especially, so be very delicate as you talk, and avoid anything that could even be interpreted as an accusation or an implication of inadequacy.
Keep the focus entirely on the pressure you feel, and your experience through this. Then let him have his turn. Let him feel heard no matter what he says. Take some time to sit with what each person has said if you need it; it doesn’t have to be fully resolved in a single sitting.
If he’s overly resistant or it blows up every time, consider couple’s counseling. It’s time to take the passivity out of this and tackle the issue head-on; ideally as a team.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I have c-ptsd. Not a valid excuse. Has it impacted my work?
Yes, it has. I was written up because I wasn’t dealing with my triggers and my emotional well-being and I got into it with my colleagues. I have a house, a mortgage, children, a vehicle to pay for so I did the responsible thing as an adult and went into therapy.
He obviously has too much shame and guilt wrapped up in his disability that he does not want to seek help for it for further fear of shame and guilt. I also understand it’s extremely difficult to find a therapist to connect with it took me three before I found one that finally clicked and worked. But the unfortunate matter of the situation is is it’s now affecting you.
He has a choice he can continue to live the life he wants to live in isolation and not deal with his problems and disability and with that choice he has to accept that there’s a possibility that you won’t want to live in it either.
You need to sit down and really have a frank conversation with him. Explain to him that you don’t want to leave him that you love him and have been supporting him to the best of your ability. However, you can’t support the both of you if you can’t support yourself first and foremost. Like the flight attendants say you have to put your mask on before you can put a mask on another.
If he’s not willing to make the effort to support himself and support the both of you in your relationship then you’re not sure how long this is going to last. Unfortunately a lot of times in these situations it takes a drastic measure for anyone to get the help they need.” MJSP88
Another User Comments:
“How old are you guys? Do you have children? It’s ridiculous for one partner to unilaterally stop working to “experience life” while the other works themselves to death. You need to stop dropping hints and say clearly how you feel. You do not agree.
His decision is causing you stress and something needs to change. NTJ.” overseas-mango
21. AITJ For Refusing To Be My Mother's Unpaid Babysitter Anymore?
“I (17f) moved back in with my mom after a few years of no contact with her, when I moved back in everything was okay and she would only leave me with the kids for an hour or two but not much more than that.
She started hanging out with the wrong crowd and all of a sudden when I was 15 became the primary parent in the house. My last straw was back in December, she left me at the house with my siblings (14 m, 9f, 2f) and the baby who was 3 months at the time for a full 24 hours.
I had to miss school to take care of the 2-year-old and the baby and she decided to show up at 3 am finally the next day. I told her I would be moving out and I don’t want her asking me for help for the kids anymore (she’s not legally allowed to have custody over me anymore so that’s how I was able to do that) and I moved in with my grandma and not even 4 hours after I moved out she was calling me begging me to come watch the kids because she “couldn’t handle it anymore.”
I asked her “imagine how I felt during the 2 years living with you, do not contact me anymore about watching your kids, and if you do you will be blocked.” She lied about the situation to everyone and I’m getting bombarded with messages by family saying I’m cruel and a jerk for just backing out on her like that.
I did not move in with her to become a full-time unpaid babysitter and to be treated like I’m their mother and a co-parent, so am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – And shame on the family members that are calling you, a teenager and still child yourself, saying that this is your responsibility.
I’m not sure what type of web of lies your mom is spinning for them to think that this behavior should be allowed and enforced, but it is not your responsibility. And if someone doesn’t confront your mother & make her alone responsible for her actions and her children, soon there will be another baby to add to this mess I can guarantee.” BHumbleBHappy
Another User Comments:
“OP, hang in there. Watching your siblings for a bit is nothing BECOMING their parental unit is something else altogether. You must save yourself. Get an education to secure your future. Ignore the flying monkey family members…. They know exactly who your mother is as a person.
Funny they sound like her …. Push All responsibility onto a child/teen so THEY don’t have to step up in any way except to trash you. IGNORE them, they obviously, (should), mean nothing in your world. Complete strangers understand that you deserve, need, and must have the space to grow up and thrive!
You are So NOT the jerk. I wish you could feel the hug I am sending you. Please know that there are people out there who are sending good vibes, prayers, and healing thoughts to you and your siblings, and also for your grandmother. They are rooting for YOU to succeed.” No-Net8938
Another User Comments:
“OP NTJ. But you may want to let all of your family and everyone else know what all is going on, how she is and acting, how she is not out working partying. And you may want to let the proper authorities know about her, after all they can give her a nice break from her children.
That is what she wants, someone to watch her children, so give such to her.” JCWa50
20. AITJ For Refusing To Cook Another Meal After My Sister-In-Law Rejected The One I Made?
“I, 22F, agreed to bring over dinner for my brother’s (27M) family two nights a week because his wife just had a baby. Our parents give me some money for ingredients, but I do all the cooking, bring over the food, and then collect the dirty dishes the next morning.
Our mom also does two nights, and SiL’s mom does two nights, and on Sunday we all eat at Grandma’s.
Last night I brought over stuffed peppers (these are bell peppers, not spicy) stuffed with rice and beef with potato skins topped with bacon and cheddar and green beans with garlic sauce.
All of these dishes are ones I know my brother likes and don’t include anything I’ve been told SiL doesn’t like (mushrooms & fish, mainly).
I get to their house, and SiL comes out to look at the food. She looks disappointed and asks if I made anything else.
A main and two sides is standard, so I’m confused by this. I told her no. She asked me if I could make something else because what I brought doesn’t look appetizing. It’s too “spicy” and “ethnic.” I literally didn’t make anything spicy or ethnic and explained this.
She told me that the peppers would be too hot, even though they’re sweet bell peppers and that the green beans looked over-seasoned. (They weren’t.) She also said she doesn’t like bacon, which was never communicated to me, as I was told her no foods are mushrooms and fish, but I offered to pick the bacon off a few skins.
She got upset and asked why I’m being difficult. I insisted I wasn’t, but I worked hard on this meal and didn’t want to lug it home to prepare another. I told her to eat it or order takeout. She said they’re on a budget and can’t afford takeout.
I just left the food there and walked away.
This morning I went to collect the dishes, and my brother said dinner was good. His wife started crying and ran to their room, slamming the door. He brushed it off and told me not to worry.
I told my mom, and she said I should have just taken the food home and made something simple like a pasta dish. She said the whole point of taking over meals was to make SiL’s life easier, not to create tension in their home.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You catered to what info you were given. No one told you she didn’t like peppers or bacon, and I’m guessing you’re not a mind-reader. SIL can make a PB&J or something if she doesn’t want the meal you brought.
I’m not sure of their exact situation, but the family is very fortunate to be having fresh home-cooked meals brought to them and dishes cleaned up. Wow. She’s being really ungrateful.” Okie_dokie_36
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Hear me out, after having a baby your hormones are all over the place and you can become very unreasonable but in your own mind, it makes perfect sense!
(unless she’s an entitled jerk) Factor in lack of sleep and changes to the body and it’s a very sensitive but also magical time. You have kindly cooked foods which sound delicious but unfortunately, she didn’t want. Maybe a little more communication especially from your brother would be helpful.” tigerz0973
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and idk who created stuffed peppers, but I’m pretty sure they are not ethnic any more than burgers or American pizza. My Irish grandmother made them, my German grandmother made them, and my Slovak husband loves them and grew up with them… sounds like you are being very nice.
Hopefully, this is just post-pregnancy hormones.” svifted
19. AITJ For Letting My Daughter Skip Her Annoying Cousins' Birthday Party?
“My wife Penny and I have a daughter Mel (12). Mel has cousins on my side as well as Penny’s.
Penny’s brother Tim has 2 sons Jake (10) and Ethan (8). Tim has an… odd way of parenting. He lets Jake and Ethan pretty much do whatever they want and only intervenes if it’s something dangerous.
I hate going places with them because they’ll run around like wild animals, throw stuff around, run around a restaurant, go in Mel’s room even if the door is closed, and start messing with her stuff then when Mel tells us Tim says she should share or “let them be kids” when they’re running wild.
When she was younger Mel liked spending time with them, but now she’s not really into it. My wife keeps pushing it, she thinks that because Mel is an only child and close with her cousins on my side of the family she has to be with her side too.
Jake and Ethan are also homeschooled and Mel is one of their only friends.
Penny also lets Tim off the hook for everything. When Mel was 7ish she came home from Tim’s with a bandaid on her finger Penny asked what happened, Mel said she was jumping on the bed and hurt her finger.
Penny started lecturing her that she’s not allowed to do that. Mel said something like “Jake and Ethan were and Uncle Tim said I could”. Penny wanted to punish her for breaking our rules, but I talked her out of it because to a kid if an adult tells you something is allowed you believe them.
Well anyway, Jake’s birthday is coming up. They’re having a party for him. Basically us and them going to a trampoline park. When we told Mel she said, “do I have to?” Penny asked why she’d say that and Mel said “because they’re so annoying, I don’t wanna go”.
Penny and I talked and I don’t think we should force her to go or keep forcing a relationship with them. My parents did that to me and I cut out a couple of aunts/uncles/cousins the day I turned 18. Years later I still somewhat resent my parents for making me spend so much time with some relatives.
Penny said that Jake is a little boy who doesn’t have many kids his age to hang out with he’ll feel bad if it’s all adults and his brother at his party. She said I’m letting my experience cloud my judgment and will be a jerk if I don’t back her up and make Mel go.
WIBTJ if I let my daughter skip her cousin’s birthday party?”
Another User Comments:
“You would not be the jerk. Enough already with poor parenting, forcing children to “share” with obnoxious kids, and making them put up with little terrors like that because family. Your daughter is plenty old enough to know that these two are nobody she wants to spend time with.
Forcing her to is only going to create resentment, just like it did for you, and that’s not “projecting,” it’s a fact. Stick to your guns.” MySquishyFishy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Neither you nor Mel is obligated to make sure that Jake and Ethan have friends.
His parents should be encouraging socialization outside of their family, even if they are homeschooled. It’s unfortunate that their parents are neglecting to help them develop key social skills and boundaries. You’re teaching Mel a great lesson about consent and prioritizing her comfort and safety.
She should never feel forced to continue a relationship of any sort with people who do not respect her boundaries. I commend you for advocating for her when Penny is clearly not seeing past what she feels is an obligation to her family.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So forget your daughter’s boundaries and comfort because she cares more about her brother’s kids. And she can say that’s not how it is but that’s exactly how it reads to me and to your daughter. Her cousin’s comfort and needs are more important to her mother than her needs and comfort are.
And that’s the breeding ground for resentment that you still feel and that I feel for being forced around family that caused me harm as well.” TashiaNicole1
18. AITJ For Not Allowing My Daughter To Use Snapchat?
“My daughter (13F) is leaving school for the summer soon. She’s been going on about getting Snapchat for a couple of weeks now, and I’ve consistently said no. Last month she tried to make a secret account behind my back which lost her her phone up until recently.
She’s been getting increasingly desperate, telling me I’m ruining her summer. Her friends only communicate through Snapchat groups, and she’s being left out of all their summer plans because she isn’t in the group.
I simply told her if they weren’t willing to communicate in other means they weren’t true friends and she can do better – she’ll be in some clubs over the summer so she can make new friends.
These ones obviously aren’t willing to adapt for her.
She hates me, obviously, and has been down in the dumps. My ex has contacted me recently and told me to lighten up, but I told her our daughter has already proven she can’t be trusted by going behind my back in the first place.
No one seems to be on my side and I’m half tempted to just give in. People chastise you for allowing your teen on social media and then call you abusive when you don’t allow it. You can’t win.
AITJ? I do know her friends mean a lot to her.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Not heavily, but I was convinced at “if they can’t communicate through other means, you can do better”. That basically infers she should drop a whole group of friends because they have a social app you don’t want your daughter to have.
To that end, Snapchat has multiple features that make accounts secure from outsiders, if that’s what’s worrying you. By default all stories and chats are private, between those she has added, so she’d be completely safe as long as she sticks to her group of friends.
I understand your concerns, but ultimately this isn’t fair in my opinion.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“To be honest, YTJ. How would her friends make the ‘extra effort’ to contact her? They’re 13-year-olds using what is going to be one of the most convenient and universally accessible ways to bring all their friends together.
You’ve made your daughter harder to contact, then told her friends not contacting her is because they aren’t real friends and can’t truly like her. There’s far more dangerous social media out there than Snapchat, this does nothing but make your daughter feel isolated and not trust you (as you acknowledge they mean a lot to her, but your actions don’t show that).” erraticmf
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I’m the byproduct of my parents isolating me from my friends and guess what? I’m better at keeping things from them. But I also suffered socially because I got excluded from friend groups because they always said no to even just going to the library.
I have terrible social anxiety and basically no friends. I don’t know how to make friends because I was always told that friends don’t exist. On top of that, I have abandonment issues and severe depression. You should be teaching your daughter how to safely navigate social media instead of just a hard no.” ZealousidealTrash481
17. AITJ For Leaving My Therapy Group Due To Financial Constraints?
“I (NB 27) had a therapist for 8 years, on and off, but mostly on. They helped me a lot through my ups and downs, they suggested to me to go and talk with a psychiatrist because I was severely depressed, and they know everything or almost everything about me.
My strengths, weaknesses, insecurities, etc.
I was going to group therapy, since it was the only therapy I could afford since I was let go of my job in July 2023. But in December, my funds for therapy ran out, and I was no longer capable of paying.
I told them and the group that I would not be attending more sessions after January, and they all seemed to agree even though it was sad. I thought everything was alright. We made a good group, that supported each other.
That last day, I said my goodbyes, but my therapist didn’t seem happy.
They said I was leaving without saying goodbye properly, and that my leave, would make the group crumble. I told them that they already knew. They were not happy, but the group, even though they were sad, understood.
My therapist approached me a couple of weeks later.
Asked me to do a proper goodbye. I sent a heartfelt message, thanking them and the group for all the support, in hopes of meeting them again one day, but my therapist decided to tell me in front of the group that I was being selfish and hurting them, almost on purpose.
I replied back that it was not my intention in the slightest, but they simply kicked me out of the group.
Fast forward to April, they invited me to a group meeting but I was not ready, so I said I would get back to them.
Yesterday I received a message from them, saying that I should be really mad if I wasn’t able to even tell them what was going on and try to fix it. But after being called selfish for not being able to afford it and standing my ground, I had enough.
I told them that I was at a point in my life that, anything that would make me crumble, I was going to avoid. I told them that I was not comfortable but thanked them for all the tools they gave me to survive.
I feel weird because maybe they were trying to make amends, but I was simply not ready?
AITJ for being honest with them?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And sorry, a therapist that tries to guilt trip you into staying when you clearly can’t afford it and then calls you names sounds fishy. Also if the therapist was so concerned about you leaving the group, they could have offered you to attend the sessions for free to stay in the group.
So stay away from them. Maybe even report them. Because who knows, if you weren’t this strong maybe these messages would have triggered you into staying and going into debt or to do something hurtful to yourself.” Trevena_Ice
Another User Comments:
“No you were NTJ, I know that it can be easy to doubt yourself when a professional is telling you stuff like that, but they are a person and this person acted unprofessionally and out of line.
It is wild that your therapist wanted YOU to regulate THEIR emotions for them. I’m sorry that your money ran out. That is destabilizing and sucks. But I gotta say I’m glad this person doesn’t have access to you anymore.” absolvedbyhistory
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Report your therapist to the state where she is licensed. She not only attacked you for your decision, but she judged you and belittled you in a therapy group to just be mean. This is NOT what therapists do. Their first responsibility to you is to support and help.
She did neither, and if she did it to you, she is doing it to others. By reporting her, you will ensure that she doesn’t hurt and violate the trust of another person. I am so sorry this happened because being depressed is a serious mental health condition, and she can cause your condition to relapse.
Please see if you can find a free group online for support because there are free groups who like you can’t afford to pay.” ckm22055
16. AITJ For Asking An Elderly Man To Move During My Daughter's Graduation?
“I went to my daughter’s graduation ceremony. I got there 90 minutes early to ensure I got a good seat. I wound up in the second row with an unobstructed view in the bleachers and there was a cutout in front of me where the first row was interrupted. At the exact start of the ceremony, a very tall elderly gentleman and his wife both with a walker stood directly in front of my wife and myself in the cutout.
His wife was saying we can’t stand here we are blocking their view. He never turned around or acknowledged that he was in front of us. After about five minutes I asked him if he was planning on standing there the entire ceremony. He just shrugged and said he would try not to be in the way.
My wife got embarrassed and angry at me for asking him.
AITJ??”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and he should have sat down or moved. Even his wife knew he was in the wrong. It is rude to stand in front of people for anything like that.
Did he end up moving? Happy graduation to your daughter. As long as you were pleasant about it and nonconfrontational, your wife is overreacting.” InitialSquirrel7491
Another User Comments:
“I’ll be 100% fact-based too. I was the disability liaison for Key Arena in Seattle earlier in my career.
The section you are describing is intended for disabled patrons like the man you are describing. Some people with walkers can’t sit in stadium seats because they are too hard to get in and out of with a walker. If he was not offered a folding seat intended for people with walkers by the staff, or if he was but couldn’t use it for a medical reason, he had no choice but to stand.
His wife was apologetic because people know when their disabilities are making them a nuisance and they feel bad about it, even if they can’t do anything about it. If the man wasn’t standing in front of you he would have been standing in front of someone else.
That’s the risk you volunteer to take when you choose to sit next to the ADA section. YTJ.” CalamityClambake
Another User Comments:
“I’m gonna go NTJ. My grandma had a walker with the chair inside and when we would go places she would make a point to sit/move with it, but out of the way of other people.
My dad also has rheumatoid arthritis plus had double knee surgeries on both knees and frequently has to move around and get up to make them hurt less. They both never would have stood in front of people trying to watch a child/grandchild graduate.
Where I graduated from HS was where the local college kids also graduated, so the coliseum (what locals named it) had cutouts specifically near walkways away from sitting people so if people did need to stand and get up it didn’t bother others. Hard to describe but it was placed purposely further below the seated people so that even if they were standing they weren’t obstructing the view.
I think the giveaway is also the wife said they were blocking their view and should move.” trashlikeme001
15. AITJ For Refusing To Pack My Partner's Apartment When He's Away?
“My partner (30) is moving next week and has a work trip scheduled for all of next week. I know he has been stressed so I offered to help him pack this week. I live an hour away from him but work remotely so I could visit him for a couple of days and help him pack.
He told me he doesn’t need my help this week, but next week when he’s not here. He wants me to go to his apartment and pack whatever is left. I asked him what that would be and he said the kitchen. And he has a roommate who is his cousin.
They’re very close and she has been staying with him for the last one year. He has helped her out on numerous occasions, he got an apartment so far from the city so she could stay with him. He also financed her until she got a job.
So naturally I asked why she couldn’t help with that, since it’s about common spaces and I would have to travel an hour and back to get there. To that, he said he’s not comfortable asking her for help, but is comfortable asking me, which I totally get.
But now he’s upset because I told him I couldn’t do it.
I clearly established that I wanted to help and I wanted to help this week. It’s difficult for me to do what he’s asking of me. But he thinks I’ve forgotten all the times he has driven hours for me to help me move.
All those times I was alone and he chose to help me.
AITJ for refusing to help exactly the way he wants me to?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Moving sucks, and the last week of packing is literally the worst part. It’s super stressful, even when it’s your stuff.
You run out of packing materials, you’re on a time crunch because there is literally no other time to do it. Someone else stuff would make it even worse. He should have had this all done by the end of this week, before his trip.
It was his responsibility to plan for this. It’s entirely possible he doesn’t trust his cousin to do it right. That doesn’t mean he shouldn’t be asking them to help. Honestly, super poor planning on the partner’s part and it isn’t your responsibility to make sure his move happens.” GreatCDNSeagull
Another User Comments:
“NTJ he should pack his kitchen stuff before he goes, or get the rest when he comes back after he moves (I assume his cousin is staying in the apartment?). There’s no way you could pack up a shared common space and get exactly what’s his and not hers, and there’s no reason you should have to drive there to do it, just because he didn’t manage his time well.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“I’d say NTJ normally, but it seems like YTJ in this case. I don’t mind setting boundaries, but it seems as though he’s helped you out a ton and in your words “drove hours” to help you move. It doesn’t seem so bad for you to help him pack up his kitchen.
You haven’t really offered a reason other than “cousin could do it” so why is this your hill to die on? It sounds like you have beef with the concessions and help he’s given her and want her to “pull her weight” as opposed to any real objections to what he’s asking.” LawyerBelle07
14. AITJ For Not Letting My Neighbor Use The Washing Machine During My Booked Time?
“In the apartment building I live in there’s only one washing machine for each floor and there are 11 apartments on each floor. In the laundry room, there’s a list where you write yourself up what day and what time you want to do laundry.
Today I wrote myself up from 14-22 (2 pm-10 pm) because my partner and I have a lot of dirty clothes and stuff, as we’ve cleaned up the depression mess in our apartment.
Now here’s the deal: I went out to the laundry room 10 minutes after my booking had started because I forgot the time while doing dishes. In there, I see one of the neighbors loading their laundry in the machine and obviously I ask what they’re doing.
I booked it today. They said that it’s completely within their rights to take someone else’s laundry time if the person who booked doesn’t show up. In the building, there’s an unspoken rule that if someone is over 30 minutes late then it’s ok to take their laundry time.
But this was 10 minutes.
When I brought this up to them, they started yelling at me that I was being a jerk and that I was being inconsiderate for booking the washing machine for over half a day. Now keep in mind that I booked this yesterday night and NOBODY had booked any times at all today.
The neighbor also said that other people need to do laundry too and that they were going to travel the coming day and needed to wash their stuff before leaving.
I stood my ground and eventually got her to leave. Another neighbor heard the commotion and came out afterward to ask me what happened. After I explained she said that I should have let the other neighbor use the washing machine and that I was rude and inconsiderate.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Your neighbor is a jerk if the practice has historically been to wait 30 minutes and they only waited 10 min, and for being so upset about it. However, holding the washer machine for 8 hours from the afternoon into the evening is also a jerk move.
If this is something that other neighbors don’t usually do, YTJ for sure too. If your neighbor only had one load to do, it would have been courteous to let them complete their one load since you had the rest of the day booked anyway.” Sips_of_Tea
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If it’s normal practice to book for 6 hours and you booked for 8 the night before then that isn’t egregious. Your neighbor is the jerk for not waiting 30 minutes. This means they were hoping you would be even a few minutes late and take your slot because of their poor planning.
Which means they had to basically be at the laundry within 5 minutes of the start time.” Sledge313
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I live in an apartment with one set of crappy machines that is supposed to service at least 20 apartments. It sucks, and we don’t have any kind of booking sheets, all I can do is hope the machine is free when I do laundry.
Leaving the machines for ten minutes is barely anything, and honestly, people who flip out for that are ridiculous. It’s one thing to leave your laundry in the machine for an extra 30 minutes, but 10? Come on. Is it a bit excessive to take a full 8 hours for laundry?
Yeah, it kind of is, but as long as you filled out your special form and actually used the machines for most of that time I don’t see an issue. You’re following the rules of the machines set by the landlords, if someone doesn’t like that then they can complain about it to the landlords.
It takes time to do laundry too, it’s not like you can do the laundry for two people in a couple of hours. For me, as a single guy, I have to do one or two loads per week which takes two or three hours.
For two people who live together, especially if laundry piled up for a while, I can see why they might need four to six hours to do it all. Besides, if this person was desperate to do laundry why didn’t they do it earlier? 2 pm isn’t exactly at the crack of dawn lol, the other person had literal hours to do their stuff.
Considering the way this laundry room works with booking times and stuff, it’s his own fault for not checking the sheet earlier.” Nova_Lurker
13. AITJ For Banning A Toxic Friend From My House?
“My partner (31m) and I (31f) regularly hang out with a group of people we knew in high school. We were kind of outcasts back in the day and became a sort of extended family to each other.
One of the group members, let’s call her Stacy, and I grew up together and trauma bonded pretty intensely as kids. However, 4 years ago, she told me I was an insanely negative person and she didn’t want me part of her life. My partner and I used to live in a large house with two other friends from the group, and one of our housemates exiled her for being toxic in general. She’s got a lot of issues, and I always help her when she asks, but she’s now focusing all her anger on me.
My partner and I are the only ones who can host our weekly get-togethers, and for the past several months, Stacy has been extra mean to me. I cook for these get-togethers and she’s either complained about the food or accused me of food poisoning her the next day (no one else gets sick; I’ve worked in food service before).
She won’t even say hi to me when she walks into my house. She makes passive-aggressive remarks directed at my partner about me.
A few months ago I tried asking her very calmly and factually why she treated me like this. She said she didn’t know but recognized she was doing it.
Recently, I invited one of my friends from outside this group of people for one of the get-togethers. I had told everyone beforehand so they weren’t surprised. Stacy walked into my house, saw my friend, and walked right out and left. She started exploding in a group chat about how she wasn’t going to be ganged up on and how awful I was for not telling her this person was coming.
I decided to put my foot down. That was the last straw for me. I told everyone she was not allowed back at our house until she could explain why she’s been treating me like this, made a genuine apology, and actually treated me with some common decency.
I don’t want to be friends anymore, but I’m perfectly capable of being respectful. All I ask is for her to return basic respect when she’s in my house.
This is remarkably childish and I recognize I might have done something to upset her, but I won’t be treated like that in my own house especially if she won’t even talk about it.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Stacey sounds like a run-of-the-mill mean girl, I’ll be honest. Stop helping her, stop inviting her. Her behavior has gone unchecked long enough that she feels free to be rude to you in your own home. If she can’t behave, she can’t come.
That’s on her. The only person who can improve her behaviour is her and if she doesn’t, she should stand to have some firm consequences. I.e no more friend group get-together invites because she’s a jerk and doesn’t exactly fit the definition of ‘friend.'” Panaccolade
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Stacy is being petty and needs to learn basic communication. Let’s say you did do something to upset her without realizing it how are you to know that if she does not communicate that X event or comment upset her? She wasn’t ambushed she was told like everyone else that this other friend was coming, she either didn’t bother to look at the group chat or just wanted to make a scene, either way, that is not your problem.
If again she does have some issues with this person she has to say something anything otherwise how would you know? Finally, your home is not a public space for everyone you know to gather if you don’t want her in your home that is completely up to you even if she wasn’t being a jerk.
If someone can’t behave with basic decency and politeness as a guest then saying they are not welcome is perfectly fine.” Drayle171
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you stood your ground perfectly. If anything, she is the toxic one. She just hasn’t gotten to the point yet where she can admit it and that’s not on you.
That’s why she can’t tell you why she is treating you this way. Because she’s trying to find all HER flaws in YOU and she can’t! Keep her away for good until she gets professional help.” Intelligent-Bite9660
12. AITJ For Refusing To Attend My Brother's Wedding After My Daughter Was Uninvited Due To Her Facial Scar?
“I (45M) have 2 daughters (14F) and (16F) who were both excited to attend my brother (38M) and sister-in-law’s (22F) wedding happening in 12 days, and so was I until this morning when my brother and sister-in-law came for an unexpected visit.
Another event that happened recently was my younger daughter having to take a break from her soccer team after she tripped on the ball and suffered an injury to her face and the scars she gained from the impact were noticeable but certainly not ruining.
My sister-in-law didn’t know about this and started to act oddly when around my youngest daughter. After a quick snack, my sister-in-law asked to speak to me alone in a reluctant manner and told me that my daughter might make the guests uncomfortable at her wedding.
When I asked her why she thought that way, she stated that the scar was noticeable and it would be best if my eldest daughter attended only. I got defensive quickly and told her if my daughter isn’t allowed to come then I won’t come.
My brother overheard and tried to mediate the situation, but my sister-in-law told me if I didn’t want to come that was up to me. In the end, I told them to leave and that I wasn’t attending the wedding. My sister-in-law left quickly, but my brother said that my sister-in-law shouldn’t impact my choice to go and that it was a tradition in pretty much every wedding to have the groom’s brother attend.
Am I the Jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t go. Your brother is marrying a shallow individual and you are standing up for your daughter. No one will be afraid. Shallow too-young-for-your-brother is worried about her day being ruined and pictures being forever “scarred” because of your daughter’s appearance.
She’s just too immature to be honest.” slythercon
Another User Comments:
“Wait—WHAT? Seriously, what in the flippin’ flapjacks is wrong with your future SIL and brother? The first reaction should’ve been something like, “Oh my goodness, niece-to-be! What happened?” (Listen to story.) “I’m so sorry you went through that and so glad you’re on the mend.
You’re one tough cookie!” Clearly, she missed the compassion chip when she came down the assembly line. But beyond failing to lead with concern and caring, to then disinvite your daughter because her injury may make other guests uncomfortable??? If others feel uncomfortable, then they are heartless jerks and can find their way to the exits, spank you very much.
(But hey maybe those are the kinds of people in your FSIL’s realm. Birds of a feather, fruit falling from trees, jerks beget jerks. All that jazz.). I am darn near growling over the thought of your FSIL prioritizing ridiculous potential reactions of guests and the aesthetic of her wedding (cause I just have a gut feeling that factors in.
Heaven help that a scar be in wedding photos!) over family. The love and relationship with her soon-to-be-niece and your family.
And your brother is also a jerk. Mediate? What is there to mediate? There should be no dispute that his fiancée was engaged in flagrant jerk-erization.
And then to suggest that his fiancée shouldn’t affect your decision to attend? Holy hairballs! That’s not what’s affecting your decision. Your FSIL disinviting your daughter for a messed up reason is why! Then he doubles down and says you should attend because it’s a tradition for the groom’s brother to do so?
Fraggle my rock! It should also be tradition not to exclude family members from celebrations on the basis of injuries and scars! Forgive my rant but your bro and FSIL have clearly flipped all my switches. You are far from being a jerk, OP. You’re a hero dad.
Your bro and FSIL are not only jerks but also turds and the toilet. NTJ.” Fresh_Process6822
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I did a major number to my face in the week before I was a flower girl in my aunt’s wedding. Cut my own bangs, scraped my chin halfway to my lip, and got a quarter-size goose egg on my forehead when I was goofing off at the rehearsal dinner.
No one banned me. Your brother is an epic jerk marrying a woman barely out of her teens who thinks anyone cares about your daughter’s perfectly fine face (I don’t care how fresh the injuries are or if she’s lost every tooth in her mouth, she’s 14 and they can get lost with their jerkiness).
He ought to make this a hill worth dying on. What would this immature, vain woman do when her own child injures their face? Hide them in a closet? Heaven forbid there is some issue with their child’s face, do they hide the kid forever?
She is obviously a jerk too, but your brother is the real problem because he can’t stand up for his niece in the face of such disrespect and unkind behavior.” wildferalfun
11. AITJ For Asking A Stranger To Chew With His Mouth Closed At The Cinema?
“Yesterday, I went to the cinema to see Thor: Love & Thunder.
We (31M and my partner) sat down at our designated seats and the cinema filled up even before previews started. Right after the slideshow two of the final seats were occupied by Mr. X and his wife, both mid to end 40s; they carried a lovely big box of crispy popcorn.
Mr. X sat right next to me and started eating one crispy popcorn piece at a time with his mouth open.
As the previews ended, I turned to my side and asked Mr. X: “Sir, would you mind please eating with your lips closed?” Clearly, he was quite annoyed by my question, he made a statement that he was already doing that, I said “thanks” in the same tone he used, and enjoyed the movie.
He ate the rest of the popcorn with his wife without the open-mouth chewing.
Mr. X was fast to leave the movie when it ended; missing out on the scenes within and after the credits. My partner remarked that it was offensive to ask a stranger what I had asked. Personally, I feel (as I’ve been taught as a child to eat with your mouth closed), that it’s just decent to do so?
It would have annoyed me until the final kernel and put a damper on my movie experience.. but maybe I did the same to Mr. X?”
Another User Comments:
“I might go ESH. First of all, the guy eating with his mouth open is rude, no question about that.
But is that enough reason for you to say something, which he clearly found embarrassing? Maybe he has a nasal problem that makes breathing through his nose difficult, and that contributed? For me, as annoying as this is, I think it was a little bit rude of you to say something.
In polite society, we have to try to ensure we’re not annoying others, but we also have to make sure we don’t point out every single little annoyance. ESH.” Pale_Height_1251
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Hear me out. I have ADHD and certain sounds drive me INSANE.
My husband chews with his mouth open when eating the loudest of snacks. Drives me nuts. That being said, popcorn is a freaking noisy snack. It’s absolutely an even noisier snack when smacked about in a gaping open mouth. You are not wrong there.
There have even been scientific studies about how irritating the sound of open-mouth chewing is. But it’s a movie theater open to the public, not your own home. If you want to watch a movie without the irritating sound of the public masticators, then wait till the movie is available for rent in the comfort of your own home.” Lalalabambi
Another User Comments:
“Idk if E S H or no jerks here. I get it, the sound can be really darn irritating, but everyone knows obnoxious moviegoers are something you risk when watching a film in a cinema.. if your partner was unbothered you could’ve tried switching seats first. By you not saying anything it could’ve dampened your experience, by saying something you’ve likely dampened his.
People also haven’t been in public for long periods of time for a while now and the “code of conduct” and what is considered polite does vary, and a lot has been left behind or forgotten since so many have been isolated for so long.
Even though he did as you requested, some people actually can’t (breathing issues through their nose idk I’m sure there are reasons) just be mindful next time, maybe look for other solutions first? Just because someone else doesn’t appear to be considerate or mindful doesn’t mean you don’t have to be in return too.
We all need a bit more kindness around the place.” alectromantia
10. AITJ For Drinking Expensive Whiskey At My Partner's Family's Party?
“Yesterday was my partner’s mother’s birthday. Everyone was invited to their house, which has this huge screened-in porch and then a massive deck and yard with a fire pit. There were snacks trays out and everyone was mingling in a very casual environment. We got there at seven.
My partner’s brother was tending the bar on the porch. I went over and saw that they had several types of crown. I asked if he knew how to make a caramel apple. He excitedly said yes and made me one. We chatted for a minute and then I left when someone else came over for a drink.
He made the drink perfectly.
Shortly after eight I headed back to the bar and asked my partner’s brother if he knew how to make a whisky sour, because almost everyone makes it too sweet, but he did an excellent job with my last drink.
He made my drink with crown black, which I didn’t request but was pleased with as it was excellent.
At 9:30 I had finished my drink and was drinking water when my partner’s brother came up to me with a drink he said was his favorite and wanted me to try.
I tried it and loved it. He said it was made with crown honey, which excited me as that is a retired whisky. At this point, my partner was annoyed. After his brother walked off he asked me how many drinks I was going to have with his dad’s expensive whiskey collection.
He said it with a laugh, but it was an irritated laugh. I said I wouldn’t have any more after the one I was drinking.
Just after ten, we were relaxing and eating in chairs around the fire. Many people had left, and it was me, my partner, my partner’s dad, my partner’s mom, and my partner’s sister sitting by the fire, talking.
I was thirsty so I grabbed a blue moon from a cooler. My partner immediately said, “half an hour ago you said you were on your last drink.”
I said, “mixed drink, this is a beer.”
He rolled his eyes and said that wasn’t what I said.
I insisted it was. His aunt offered to get me a soda, but I said I was fine with beer. After I took the first sip, my partner shook his head. He asked me if he could get me anything else sarcastically. I said a new attitude.
He stood and walked away.
I felt awkward, so I wandered off too. After I finished my drink, my partner walked over and apologized for snapping in front of his parents. I said it was fine and went to kiss his cheek. He backed up and said I smelled like booze.
At that point, I was annoyed and said I was calling my roommate to pick me up. (We were supposed to spend the night.) He wasn’t happy about that, but I just ignored him and walked to the front to wait. My partner’s brother went out to wait with me and apologized for causing drama, but I told him not to apologize because he didn’t.
My roommate picked me up, and when I told her what happened she said my partner was a massive, massive jerk, but they hate each other, so she’d say that no matter what. I need an objective opinion.
Was I the jerk for drinking expensive whiskey?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When a host puts out expensive whiskey, you’re invited to drink it. I don’t think that’s really the issue here, and it’s not like you were taking shots and just drowning in it. I think your partner doesn’t like you drinking for another reason and you need to have a serious conversation about that.
It doesn’t sound to me like you’re a belligerent heavy drinker or anything, but maybe there’s a history of heavy drinking in the family or maybe they find it a turn-off for some other reason. I think giving them space was the right thing to do, but now in the sober light of day you need to ask what was really upsetting your partner.” Major_Bother8416
Another User Comments:
“Definitely not the jerk. If the family was opposed to someone drinking their private stock they shouldn’t have made it available at the bar. Obviously, the brother didn’t have an issue with it, which I wonder if that was the real issue your partner was having.
Whatever his issues, he was a jerk to you in front of his family, at their home. You had a choice between a bigger fight in front of his family or leaving. You made the right choice, imo.” suprheroc
Another User Comments:
“So – you went to a birthday party for your partner’s mother, which you were invited to.
There was a bar, your partner’s brother was the bartender, and you asked for two drinks (I never heard of caramel apple – looked up the recipe when I read your post) with a reasonable space between them. Then your partner’s brother offered you a third drink and you accepted, and when your partner said (rudely) you were drinking too much, you stopped having cocktails but had a beer later because you were dry.
I say NTJ. I don’t drink much and three whisky cocktails followed by a beer sounds like a lot to drink to me, but if your partner thought you were drinking too much, unless you were behaving anti-socially because of it, the middle of a family birthday party is not the place to say that, and especially not in the form of “my dad’s whisky is expensive”.
Maybe your partner had reason to think you were drinking too much. Maybe he has bad memories associated with people who drink a lot at parties. Maybe you need to have a conversation with him about drinking in general. But in specific, if it’s an open bar and the bartender is making you drinks and you’re not behaving badly or trying to drive, it’s not you who’s the jerk.” Enough-Process9773
9. AITJ For Backing Out Of A Family Trip Because I'm Expected To Sleep On The Couch?
“I (F27) am the youngest out of my family. I’m the only one that’s not married and doesn’t have kids.
My dad recently moved to Hawaii and invited us all out to stay for a week during the summer.
My sisters ended up inviting their mother-in-law, their son’s partner he’s been seeing for a month, their daughter’s friend, and their own friend. (Mind you this is a 3 bedroom house & we were already going to be squished). When I asked about the sleeping arrangements, they said I could sleep on the couch.
I have asked them multiple times before this to ask before inviting people as they will just randomly show up places with a group of people which throws the vibe off and then we have to figure out how to accommodate everyone.
They said they asked my dad & that’s the only person they have to ask since it’s his place.
I disagreed since it’s supposed to be a family trip and there’s limited space so it would be nice to ask everyone if they’re comfortable before inviting people.
I’m just fed up because I always get pushed to the side since I’m single & don’t have any kids so I’m always the one that has to accommodate to them.
I also never get to see them and I thought this was going to be bonding time, but I’ll probably be all alone while they’re with their own family & friends. On top of that, I can’t bring anyone since there’s not any extra room now.
So I told them I wasn’t going to go anymore. But now they’re saying I’m overreacting about all of this.
So AITJ for not going anymore?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you get to decide when and where you travel to. It’s not an overreaction to say you’re not willing to be the sofa surfer any longer when they choose to invite non or barely related people.
I’ve lived the same situation as you OP even though I have a SO & children. The “immediate family gathering” date and place were ALWAYS chosen by a single cousin when it was supposed to be my mother & siblings first. They always chose dates that never worked well for us so we didn’t go.
Every time they got upset, I reminded them that they left us out of the “family” decision so it was on them. How about contacting Dad separately and seeing if you can go visit a different time? Have an option where you’d get the chance to actually enjoy the trip and spend time with him without all the others.” zippykaiyay
Another User Comments:
“Are we talking at least 10 people in a 3-bedroom house? For a week? With several people you hardly know or don’t know at all? Plus sleeping on the sofa so no privacy for you to change or be alone for a minute?
On top of that, “I’ll probably be all alone while they’re with their own family & friends”??? That’s not a “vacation” I’d want to go on. Hard pass from me and NTJ. But I would tell your dad exactly why you’re backing out.
Maybe schedule something with him later.” FitOrFat-1999
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if you aren’t comfortable then don’t go and stay. I’ve been in similar positions before albeit not for the same reason. I’ll occasionally take a sofa surfer option but in the past, I would also book hotels.
Naturally, cash can be an issue but if you can afford it can you get a nearby hotel? If they are annoyed by you getting a hotel I would then just say: ‘look I’m not comfortable sleeping on the sofa. I’ll spend most of the day with you guys but I need to be able to sleep as well or this will feel like a chore instead of a family holiday.'” Adventurous-Egg7347
8. AITJ For Not Wanting To Split The Cost Of My Broken Laptop?
“I was working in a study room in my college library.
These rooms are allowed for group work so I was with five friends. Two of my friends were messing about a bit and one of them managed to knock my laptop off the desk and smashed it. I was obviously upset about this – I don’t have that much money – I excused myself so as to not make a scene and lose a friendship.
I just wanted to calm down and not be angry publicly – so I left.
When I came back my friend apologized again and gave me a slip of paper with a number on it. She explained that since it was not really my fault we would draw lots for paying half – I would pay the other half since it was mine (although if she pulled my number I’d be getting stuck for both halves in this system).
I said this didn’t feel fair since I didn’t do it – and she said neither did she but I should be grateful they want to try to cover it. I walked out again but I’m being called a jerk for being greedy and wanting more than half paid for as we are all poor students and it is my laptop.”
Another User Comments:
“”Although if she pulled my number I’d be getting stuck for both halves in this system. I said this didn’t feel fair.” NTJ, your friends are both jerks and stupid. I also wonder if the game would have been rigged somehow.
Be firm, the two people who broke it are to split it 50/50. If anyone else wants to pitch in they are welcome to, but the idea that you should have to pay for your thing that they broke because it’s yours is incredibly incredibly stupid.
Ask if they had hit a car while driving if they would be able to say the other car should pay at least 50% because it’s theirs?” Sufficient_Cat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your horse playing isn’t what led to it being broken. Butterfly effect if they played elsewhere something maybe of their own would be broken and not yours.
A laptop belongs on a table no? You guys messing around should’ve been mindful of fragile items in your surroundings. They should be splitting the cost 50/50 you shouldn’t be paying anything and if you decide to on your accord to salvage the friendship like 10-20% of the total cost they’re wrong.” AlteZZZaKiDD
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. However, from what I have learned from Judge Judy lol… If you’re in the USA, a court won’t award you the amount of a brand-new laptop. They would determine how old it is and then give you the value of that laptop.
Or in other words the depreciated value. How old was your laptop? 6 months, 1 year, 8 years? It makes a difference. So, depending on how old it was, half might be a decent offer. You will be getting a brand new laptop and that is not what you lost. That being said, I totally understand you would have been happier keeping your old laptop and not spending money you don’t have.
The situation sucks.” Illstate309
7. AITJ For Prioritizing My New Job Over Attending The Rescheduled Bachelorette Party?
“I planned a bachelorette for the bride with her other bridesmaids.
Two weeks before the bachelorette we had planned the bride told us she didn’t like what we had planned and organized something else for herself instead. I have no issue at all with her wanting to change the party. The problem is she changed the date of her bachelorette.
I’m still in my probationary period for a new job I worked hard to get. I fought for the promotion and I’m scheduled to work the dates of the new bachelorette party. I told the bride that I still love her but if those are the dates she chose, then I can’t make it to her party.
The new dates are on a schedule that’s already been posted. Her bachelorette is not close to where I live or my job, so it’s not something I’d be able to partially attend and then come home early.
The bride yelled at me that this is a once in a lifetime experience for her and that as her maid of honor me being there should take priority over my job.
I told her I was not comfortable with calling off from my job just because she didn’t like the bachelorette we had planned and chose to plan her own instead.
My phone’s since been blowing up with texts from the bride’s family and other bridesmaids telling me that I’m being unreasonable and ruining her day if I don’t come.
I tried to explain that I’m not comfortable risking my job over this but it’s not changing their opinion.
Am I being totally blind to this situation? Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m so over brides thinking EVERY wedding party member needs to be at EVERY event.
People have a life outside of your wedding. Between bridal showers, bachelorette parties, and a wedding (that usually lasts all day long) that’s a lot of time to take off work or be away from your partners or children. As a bride, I never demanded everyone be present at every event except for the wedding.
And I purposefully planned my wedding to only require the wedding party to be there for less than 4 hours. I knew many of them had jobs and small children they needed to attend to. My MOH wasn’t at my bachelorette and I didn’t care.
This bride sounds entitled. Try to reason and be nice with her if you can, but don’t miss work and job opportunities all over someone’s party.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You want this job and made a commitment. You did exactly the right thing in telling her you love her and want to support her but can’t on those dates.
Let’s back up to her ERASING the work you did for her, then changing the rules and the details, and demanding that you change your life for her. No, honey. The bride is not a goddess or princess or prime minister. It’s ridiculous that her family is pressuring you.
You did nothing wrong. Your stand is not unusual or cruel or detrimental to her marriage. Your stand is quite reasonable and responsible. Hold your ground. Go if she changes the dates back to what they were.” Apotheuncary
Another User Comments:
“”The bride yelled at me that this is a once-in-a-lifetime experience for her and that as her maid of honor me being there should take priority over my job.” INFO: you are a friend with this kind of stupidity why?
Otherwise NTJ. Petty-me wants to say ‘sorry I can’t attend this bachelorette party but I swear, I will do my best to attend your second one.’ Given the divorce rate and her unhinged behavior, I bet that the bride will marry more than once.
expecting you to risk your job and for what? Getting tipsy, playing games that are only funny with a certain booze level, doing stupid stuff? It’s not even the main event. Let’s get real, the main event is nothing more than an out-of-proportion and sanity and reason-grown party so that the bride can feel like a Disney princess for one day.
It is a fact of life that when you change something unilaterally, in your case the date, not everybody is able to make it. As I say again and again, ‘no’ is a complete sentence, and do not j.a.d.e. (justify/argue/defend/explain), they will see your j.a.d.e.-ing as an opening that you are willing to compromise, to adhere to their demands.
— you will/must come to my party — no — why not — I said so — why, you have to — no — bla bla bla — no — yadda yadda yadda — no.” Tessa_Kamoda
6. AITJ For Wanting My Husband To Pay Me To Dress Up?
“My husband really likes attractive women. He has a rising-tier executive job where he often interacts with wealthy men and their attractive, often much younger wives. All the power to these women, we don’t have much in common, so I don’t often go to these events because they are like nails on a chalkboard to me.
To be honest, and at risk of sounding like an edgy kid, I absolutely hate consumerist culture, particularly feminized consumerist culture. Some of it stems from growing up with my mother who always put pressure on me to look a certain way. I dread purchasing things.
I loathe getting my hair done. It’s been 8 years since I had a manicure. He’s brought up several times that it would make his life a bit better if I would just spend some money on myself. The thing is, I do spend money on myself.
Though I hate consumerism, I do love purchasing second-hand “MOdEsT” type floral dresses. Dresses that go to my knee. He hates these dresses. He calls them “grandma” dresses. I also spend about 1000$ on books a year so there’s that.
I’m also in a PhD program and have minor chronic health issues including TMJ/endometriosis – I am horrible at managing my time and my health, so I don’t have the mental energy to “dress attractive.” And the idea at this point to pimp myself out and reflect a demented materialistic society is a bit barbaric.
Obviously, for things like our anniversary, I put in more effort.
He said recently that “if he can’t spend his money on his wife to look nice, should he spend money on other women instead?” (When I glared at him, he immediately apologized but said he was joking).
So next time he brings this up and complains that “I just dress like a grandmother 24/7,” WIBTJ if I told him to pay me? He’s been unfaithful before (very early on in our marriage and we did move past this) so I figured hey, might as well make a buck.
Would that make me the jerk? I was thinking he/I could donate to charity with the money. He wants the attractive, polished experience, he can pay me for it? Looking like the kind of woman he wants me to look like is… just not me.
However, to his credit, I was much more “into dressing attractive” when we started seeing each other a decade ago, so I might have misled him there, but as I just turned 30, that self feels dead.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Why? You want him to pay you like he did those women.
“You might as well make a buck”. You are married. You are a team. This mindset is actually disturbing. You admit to dressing attractive when you first got together and now admit your style has changed. You’re going on and on about consumerist culture, so my question is…are your finances separate?
Do you pay an equal share? Or does he pay for the majority of the expenses, this is important as are you paying your own way or benefitting from this consumerist culture that he is a working part of. Unfortunately, appearance is a big thing in some careers.
Yeah, we get you hate the ‘demented materialistic’ parts of society but you married someone where this is socially expected. You once met this criteria and now don’t. You honestly don’t sound compatible anymore and once you’re thinking of making a buck from your own husband then your relationship is doomed (I mean it should have been doomed once he was unfaithful but you say you forgave him despite still seeming resentful of the unfaithfulness).
Get a divorce and live your life the way you want, minimalistic/cost-savvy/eco-savvy. Do your own thing. Unless you like the financial gain of his job despite hating consumerism in which case think of his social events as a costume party and put on a pretty dress to support your husband.” Status-Pattern7539
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I think you are a person who pretends to ‘have moral principles ‘ as a way of just being lazy. You admit you don’t take care of your appearance or your health. You abhor consumerism but are fine with bribery. This marriage is over.
You are not compatible and you are selfish. Hubby might also be a jerk, but it is also very difficult to be with a partner who does not take care of themselves, especially when that person has a job that requires a high profile. You want to benefit from the $$ of his job, but not do your part.” FarmerFreida
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. I’m in my 30s and I love my “grandma style.” It’s comfortable but I will say I love to dress up every now and again. I think you should “practice” dressing up. It’s hard being in your 30s and being set in your ways to escape your past. I’m not saying be the trophy wife but while therapy is great I think you need to start slowly at home.
I know you love your husband I get that in between the lines and what you said was out of anger but also I think you’re semi worried it will happen again. Get your hair done and nails done just for you. No input from anyone just a random day and just because kind of like a screw you to your husband like “I’ll do it on my terms WHEN I want and not because someone wants me to.” Start slow to ease into it just to take back some of that control.
I’m generally good without hair and nails but man the boost I give myself after getting it done (hair twice a year and nails maybe once because I’m low maintenance) it’s such personal serotonin I can’t explain it.” Acelley5
But you re not wrong in asking him to pay for extra clothes and fancy hairdressing if it's for his workplace events, when it's more than you would usually spend.
5. AITJ For Lashing Out At My Wife After She Mocked My Injured Friend?
“My wife (26) has to wear diapers because of an accident she was in when she was young so she can’t hold her bladder.
She and I (28) got married in 2021 after being together for 2 years. I never minded her having to wear diapers and I didn’t mention it often because she would get embarrassed about it.
I was going to hang out with a friend who I have known since I was 13.
He is like my brother and we are very close. My wife asked if she could come with me and I agreed. When we got to the place we were gonna meet my friend he had a cast on. I asked what happened and he explained he slipped down his step and broke his arm.
I told him I was sorry and that if he needed anything to let me know but my wife started laughing and calling him stupid to the point he got up and left. I was furious because she had no right to be making fun of my friend.
This is where I might be the jerk. I said to her after she made my friend leave “What is wrong with you? You can’t be laughing at him when you’re 26 and still wearing diapers.” She started crying and left. She took the car leaving me stranded in a Starbucks parking lot.
I had to call an Uber home and she hasn’t talked to me since. It has been 2 days and she’s still upset. I’ve tried apologizing and I know I might have gone too far but I don’t know. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here I have the feeling part of the story is missing, I don’t know how your wife relates to your friend but as you told the story the part where she just starts laughing and humiliating your friend seems out of the blue.
On your part, you may have gone too far especially if your wife is really self-conscious about her wearing diapers but then again you were angry and it seems to me that she went too far with your friend too, so everyone’s a jerk here.” zarhool
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk with a side of everyone’s a jerk here. Sorry, but making fun of a temporary issue that has exactly zero stigma attached to it will never fall anywhere near the atrocious mess of making fun of a permanent thing that has a huge amount of stigma and that your wife already feels ashamed of.
What she did was mean. What you did was brutally cruel.” andstillthesunrises
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. You went too far in retaliation against something she is insecure about that is permanent because she was rude over something that will ultimately be temporary.
You need to apologize for going too far, reassure her it doesn’t bother you, but also reinforce the boundary that you were mad about her talking to your friend like that. That making her insecure wasn’t the answer, but she wasn’t acting very nice. What was up with that?
This guy matters to you and she’s making fun of him for breaking his arm?” EnergyThat1518
4. AITJ For Disapproving My Sister's Quick Engagement?
“I (15M) have a sister (19F) and a brother (23M). I live with my dad (46M) and we are all a close-knit family. However, when my sister turned 18 she wanted to start having more independence. So my dad said she could start seeing people (I don’t live in America, where I live, 18 is more or less the normal time to start seeing people).
About 3 months ago, she got her first partner. Yesterday, she announced that she was engaged and to be married. My dad and brother freaked out about this because she’s only known him for 3 months. We haven’t even met him yet.
They told her it’s too early to be married and they’ve known each other for too little time.
She was angry that they would doubt her choices and asked me to take her side. Originally I didn’t want to get involved but I did not agree with her.
I voiced my concern for her and she was livid. She flew out of the house in a rage and has been staying at her “fiancé’s” place since.
My dad is mad at me because he says I shouldn’t have gotten involved and just left it be. My sister is heartbroken at our disapproval of her marriage and it makes me feel extremely guilty because she seems to love him very much.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Your sister asked for your opinion. You’re old enough to have one. Your sister is only just getting the independence that most of us get at age 13/14. Your dad and brother didn’t need to fly off the handle and your sister should’ve been prepared for people to not approve of an engagement to someone they’ve not met.
My mum would go ballistic at me if I was engaged 3 months after meeting someone and I hadn’t taken them to meet my family. I’m 22 nearly and I’ve lived alone since I was 16. Overall? NTJ but your dad and brother definitely could’ve handled it so much better.” Stock_Ad1497
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If ya’ll never met the guy you have every right to be skeptical. It was unreasonable of your sister to expect you to just blindly accept the marriage out of nowhere. She is overreacting here. There’s a difference between outright disapproval (implying you knew the guy and had the information to make a judgment) versus being skeptical out of genuine concern for your sister.
I’d reach out to her and make that known and use this as an opportunity to meet him. If you still don’t like him it doesn’t matter because at the end of the day if she loves him you need to accept it.” MedicalStude
Another User Comments:
“I met my now husband in May, married him in July of the same year… There was a bet going around to see how long the marriage would last because we legit had no money, we were young (not pregnant) and we didn’t think of the future whatsoever.
35+ years later 5 kids and a few grandkids thrown into the mix we are still together (yay! We won the bet!)… My point to this is it’s not about time, it’s more about the feelings and support… Arrange to meet and chat with the partner.
Talk to him and see them together and alone before you all judge… You can’t pass judgment if you don’t know all the facts ok? No judgment yet but think about it ok?” Educational-Friend47
3. AITJ For Laughing At My Sister's "Panic Attack"?
“Recently my (15f) sister (18f) who I’ll call Maja has been getting “triggered” and having “panic attacks” at everything. For example, a few days ago my dad and I were just talking about food since we both like cooking while she was there, and she had one of her “attacks”.
Now, the obvious conclusion to that is that she might have an ED and we triggered her, however, she’s been eating perfectly fine and never had any history of issues like that. The same thing goes for other things, like when we’re watching horror films, or anything really.
I honestly think she’s just doing it for attention, because she’s done stuff like this in the past, like faking tourettes, lying about different “assaults”, etc.
So yesterday my dad and I were just talking about school, boys, and stuff like that, and Maja kept trying to interrupt and make the discussion about her, however, my dad was just mostly ignoring her and focusing on me.
Anyway, when my dad asked if I had any crushes, Maja began hyperventilating and basically faking another panic attack. It was just a really funny sight and I began laughing. She began yelling what was so funny, and I said “If you want to fake a panic attack at least don’t make it look so bad.” She began crying really hard and my dad told me that was a cruel thing to say and I didn’t know that she was faking it.
However she’s never had any issues with panic attacks, and it’s just so obviously fake and attention-seeking. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You know what? NTJ. For my two cents, I have a sibling who does this. I don’t think you can understand just how frustrating it is to have to live with someone faking things like this constantly and being told to take it seriously if you haven’t lived with it yourself.
They didn’t like dinner? Panic attack. They’re annoyed mom is talking to someone at the grocery store too long? Screaming meltdown. It’s your turn on the game console they want to be using? Tell them to go away and they’re on the floor crying and hyperventilating.
And you know it’s fake, because it’s magically, mysteriously only happening in moments when having a ‘panic attack’ would actually get them attention/concessions/their way. (Can’t do that essay they don’t want to do if they’re having a panic attack, you would never be so cruel as to make them do the overdue homework you’ve been asking them about for two weeks when they’re having a panic attack!!!!!!) It’s utterly maddening.
And to all the people saying YTJ, I want to point out that we as a culture literally have a famous parable about the boy who cried wolf and the dangers of faking the need for help when you don’t need it. What OP’s sister is doing?
It cuts down your ability to actually know and empathize when they’re truly suffering, it casts everything they do into doubt, and while I don’t condone it I do understand why OP laughed in that moment. His sister needs some kind of wakeup call, and while this definitely WAS NOT IT, this is the kind of behavior that leads to kids growing up to be the spoiled jerks you see all the time.” ArchtypeOfOreos
Another User Comments:
“Ok I’m going to say NTJ since I don’t think you meant any malice in it and was probably amused by how you perceived the situation. But clearly, your sister has issues that need to be addressed, and laughing about her panic attack, real or not will not help anyone and make the situation worse.
I don’t know what your parents are doing for your sister, but maybe you should try and reach out to her and help her understand what is driving her to do these things. Mental health is a fragile thing, don’t take it lightly.” penguin57
Another User Comments:
“Everyone is a jerk here. If she has faked this many things, there is something going on and your parents should have her in counseling. That level of attention-seeking is a sign of a problem. You should be a kinder sister and talk to her privately to see what’s up with her.
Do not laugh and humiliate her, she’s obviously struggling and needs help. It may be real, but based on your version, I do think she’s faking the panic attack. I base this on having had them. During a panic attack, it is difficult to even breathe.
You aren’t able to suddenly stop and ask a question. It just doesn’t work that way. You can’t turn them off like that. But I could be wrong. Just my two cents. However, your sister is clearly struggling and no one seems to be helping her.” Master_Post4665
2. AITJ For Taking My Crying Son From My Husband At A Family Gathering?
“My husband and I have a toddler who is almost 3 years old. He is in the midst of his terrible twos and most days are extremely trying. He is currently also showing a strong preference for me over my husband. He refuses to go to my husband and prefers that I do the caretaking and comfort him when he feels down.
My husband is really down about this and rightfully so.
Yesterday we had a small family gathering that included extended family. Towards the later part of the gathering, my son started to get very cranky. My husband went to pick him up to calm him down, and my son started crying and screaming that he wanted me.
My husband felt really upset about this and likely embarrassed because it was in front of others. So he kept trying to calm my son down. I offered to take my son and calm him down but my husband refused, insisting he could do it on his own.
10 mins on and the tantrum is just getting stronger. I felt really upset hearing him scream and cry and just told my husband to give him to me as he clearly needed my comfort. He reluctantly passed our son to me and he stopped crying.
My husband was extremely upset with me when we got home and said that I made everything that much worse because now everyone knows my son doesn’t want him.
I feel really bad because I think I didn’t put myself in his shoes to think how he would feel and only considered my son and wanted him to stop being upset.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and I was in your husband’s shoes once. I deployed when my daughter was a baby and I came back when she was a toddler. Hubs and kiddo were BFFs while I was away. He did a great job of reminding her who I was and I sent videos to her, but I got rejected when I came back.
Not gonna lie, it was hard even though we both expected it. We discovered that she really only rejected me when hubs was around. To overcome it, hubs would ‘disappear’ when she was in a good mood and we would have a great time together.
She gradually stopped rejecting me as we had more one-on-one time. That may be something you want to try.” Cheddarbaybiskits
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – but I would suggest letting dad wait it out if he had the patience and wanted to. If you keep swooping in and taking over, baby boy will learn that all he has to do is cry and you will cover get him.
Which is fine, but your son won’t even give your husband a chance if he knows you’re right there. Again, let me make this clear, it is absolutely ok that you’re comforting him. As long as it’s a situation in which he needs comfort and not something like he didn’t get a cookie.
It’s super important for you, your husband, and your son that you allow your son to accept comfort from his dad. Terrible twos are when we start solidifying adherence to rules and consequences. My youngest is 3 1/2 and on the autism spectrum so I’m right there with you.
P.S. Twos aren’t as bad as threes. Sorry, someone has to warn you. But if you don’t set boundaries and begin to connect behavior and consequences, it will be so much harder.” QueenKeisha
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here but …. I do think you should try to give your husband opportunities to comfort your son when you’re not around.
Let him bond with daddy. The tantrums are probably worse when he knows you are right there and will come. It is a stage but what I would do is walk away if I wasn’t right there already but heard from further (at home maybe and I would go to another room).
Then have daddy try for a couple of minutes saying “you’re ok. Mommy will be back soon” and try to distract him. Then if that doesn’t work “let’s go find mommy. Where could she be. Maybe in the kitchen? No. Maybe here, maybe there” and he’d bring him to me.
It gave him a chance to try calming him down and then also earned my son’s trust by bringing him to mommy. That way if I wasn’t around he would want daddy because daddy knew how to find mommy. However, you were also at an event where the tent run could’ve been disturbing others so that’s important to consider as well.” Glitchy-9
1. AITJ For Refusing To Attend My Brother-In-Law's Engagement Party After He Criticized My Pursuit Of A Second Degree?
“I wanted to get a second degree and a job but everybody, including my husband, thought I was being ridiculous. It caused a lot of tension and fights between us but eventually, my husband agreed to let me get the degree, which meant we were living in separate countries and had different schedules for the first time.
We were at a party and his cousin invited us to go on a trip with the family. My husband accepted without asking me but I said I couldn’t go as I had classes then. He told me to skip them and he would handle it if I got into trouble but I told him I wouldn’t and we had a small argument but we resolved the issue.
A few days later, his brother told my husband that he let me get away with too much and that it was time he stopped indulging my ridiculous wants all of the time since I was willing to humiliate him in public. He said everybody, including my dad, felt that my husband was far too lenient with me.
I was angry and upset so I had a fight with my brother-in-law. It got so bad my husband had to intervene.
I haven’t seen my brother-in-law since but his engagement party is coming up and my husband and in-laws all expect me to go.
I told my husband I wouldn’t because I don’t like him but he got very angry and said he’s given in every single time but he needed me to do this one thing for him. His sister has been trying to convince me to go and my brother-in-law even apologized to try to convince me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Your bil is a sexist jerk. His family are sexist jerks stuck in the 1950s. But you do have to take into consideration all of the compromises that your husband did for you to go back to school. He did end up putting you first before himself and what he wanted. You might have had fights but the end results were you got what you wanted. He is asking you to put him first for once.” lil-peanutbutter
Another User Comments:
“You guys are being really hard on the husband in this comment section. The man is funding all of this. He’s footing the bill for her to live in another country and get an advanced degree. So yes, she should have to ask for his permission.
If she were taking out loans and funding it herself, that would be different. She’s not, he’s paying for it with his hard-earned money. He sounds like a catch honestly. Not many people would agree to do what he’s doing. As for the OP, soft YTJ.
I say that because his family are clearly jerks. They should mind their own business and shouldn’t be speaking to you as though you were someone’s property. However, you should go to the party. Give your husband a break here. If this guy or the family, make inappropriate comments, put your foot down and tell them off.
If it continues, leave, but give it a shot.” IndividualLow5819
Another User Comments:
“You really should have included the huge detail in the main post that your husband is paying for your degree. You seem to have purposely made it seem a way that it wasn’t to make people instantly agree with you.
YTJ. You’re going for your husband, not for your BIL. You have every right to be upset with BIL. But your husband has made so many sacrifices for you already. A wife that isn’t living with him. While he pays for your wants.
This seems like a small request considering the facts of the matter.” ToventmyLifeAway
