People Are Insistent That Their Conscience Is Clear In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
20. AITJ For Not Proposing With My Mom's Ring?
“I (31, M) have been with my partner (27, F) for three years. She is a great woman and I just know she is the one, so I recently proposed. I bought her a beautiful diamond ring that she had admired several times.
But when I proposed she took one look at the ring and asked me where ‘the real ring’ is.
I asked what she meant, and she said ‘your mom’s ring’.
My mom passed away just before I met my partner. She was cremated, and I had her ashes turned into a diamond and placed the diamond on my mom’s wedding ring that had lost its diamond.
The ring has no financial value but it means everything to me.
Turns out that is the ring she expected me to propose with. Her rationale is giving her the most important item to me is the ultimate show of commitment, and refusing to give it to her means I am not fully into the marriage.
She said she can’t accept my proposal unless it was with that ring. I honestly can’t part with it, but my friends think if she means as much to me as I say she does, and I intend to spend the rest of my life with her, what’s the big deal, the ring will still be around me anyway.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But please understand how much of a red flag that is. You no longer have your mother. The apparent love of your life took one look at the ring you got her and asked for a real one. Rude. A proposal is not a gifting opportunity nor is it a competition for the nicest jewelry.
It’s a moment when someone is expressing their love and desire to always be a partnership together. She ruined that. She seemed to have used that moment to show that she felt deserving of something and it wasn’t marriage. It was a specific ring.
She’s asking for not only a family heirloom but your physical remembrance of your mother. A woman she never had the opportunity to meet. And no, this is not some way of being close to her now, this is a very odd power trip.
Reevaluate life with her. DO NOT GIVE THE RING.” stoned13river
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This is about power. She needs to possess the other most important thing to you. She needs all your focus on her while she can threaten to destroy it at any time.
You need to walk away because this is about power, leverage, and control. She’s going to consume you because she needs to always be #1. Her logic isn’t sound, she’s never met her, this is about taking something away from you and not about starting your life together.
Now imagine if you have a daughter. How do you think that jealousy will be kept in check when she has to share you with another female? She can’t even stand the idea of your deceased mother sharing your affection, this is a red sky, not a red flag.
Save yourself.” Princesssassafras
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, that is legit terrifying. That is ‘I can be the ONLY WOMAN IN YOUR LIFE’ territory, as well as deeply DEEPLY weird. She wants your mother’s cremation memorial as her wedding ring. And if you’re not okay with that (WHY WOULD YOU BE OKAY WITH THAT), she won’t marry you?
To add confusion into TERRIFYING WEIRDNESS, she didn’t even meet your mum.
BUT, maybe important, you two met while you were grieving. Her current behavior is unhinged beyond belief, yet you’re asking if you’re wrong. I think there’s a probability that your emotional vulnerability was a factor.
Abusive people are good at finding vulnerable people.
Her demands are not okay, not normal, not even on the map. That you’re questioning yourself makes me worry you’re letting her dictate too much.
I’d recommend some solo therapy. The lovely rejected ring can pay for it.” angels-and-insects
19. WIBTJ If I Get A Cat?
“I’ve always loved cats. I have never gone a significant stretch of time without a cat in my life. Since I was an infant, there has always been a cat by my side.
When I (29F) first met my fiancé (34M) we talked about pets.
He told me he wasn’t crazy about cats (not that he hated them, just didn’t prefer them) and was more of a dog person. I told him then that I would always have a cat. I laughed when we were talking about it but I remember telling him that if it was a dealbreaker, he should walk away.
This was 4 years ago, we moved in together 2 years ago.
Not the only time it came up either; I didn’t constantly remind him or anything but the conversation came up more than once before we moved in together and before we got engaged. And I was totally willing to compromise – I’m not super comfortable around big dogs but I agreed to both of the large dogs he adopted because he really wanted them.
I also agreed to only have one cat at a time. He had plenty of opportunities to change his mind.
My elderly girl passed a few months ago. I was heartbroken. My fiancé was very comforting but he made a handful of comments about not having to live with a cat anymore.
I didn’t argue at the time but I also knew that when the time came that I was ready to get another cat, I would dig my heels in. Because I was clear from the start.
That time has come and I think I’m going to the shelter tomorrow but my fiancé is not happy about it.
He doesn’t want me to adopt another cat, ever. He told me he tolerated my cat for my sake but he was happy she was gone. I stood my ground and reminded him about my agreeing to the dogs despite him knowing I didn’t really want to and that I told him since the beginning and he agreed. He told me pets need to be 2 yes’s and I would be cruel to do it without him agreeing.
He said I eventually said yes to the dogs so I couldn’t hold that against him.
But if I give in then I feel like I’m just letting myself get duped out of something important to me. I feel like he’s right on paper but also like he’s manipulating me out of something I was 100% upfront about.
I’m honestly reconsidering the relationship entirely, even though this reads so petty. But even if it’s a petty issue, he still tricked me. But now I’m hesitating about the shelter trip tomorrow. WIBTJ if I went?”
Another User Comments:
“This is a tough one.
You’re absolutely NTJ for getting the cat. Get the cat. But consider reevaluating the fiance. He’s known since ALWAYS that you would always, always have a cat. He got dogs even though you’re not a fan because you compromised and agreed. You gave him AMPLE, multiple opportunities to both be reminded that you would always have a cat AND that he should bail if he was not cool with always having a cat.
He didn’t bail. And now he’s already making remarks about being glad he doesn’t have to live with a cat anymore? Girl, he’s been playing a looooong con on you all this time, and it just got real.
Get the cat. And since he will probably try to find a way to ‘accidentally let it out’ etc., consider yeeting him.
He was never going to ‘let’ you have another cat.” PinkedOff
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner is manipulative. Cats have given you comfort and companionship in your life. May I ask you, do you see yourself never having a cat again? I am pretty sure this is what he expects.
He isn’t allergic. He just doesn’t like cats. That is fine UNLESS you have an SO who has enjoyed cats in her lifetime and feels better with a cat in her life. It seems as if he is being selfish and controlling. If you didn’t like cats, but cats gave your SO comfort and made them happy, would you manipulate them into not having a cat, or would you want them to be happy?
I think you should definitely re-evaluate the relationship.” Wishiwashome
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were upfront and honest from the beginning that you were always going to have a cat. You made it clear that if he didn’t like this, that was the time to end things.
You compromised on only having one cat at a time. You compromised and let him get two big dogs which you didn’t want.
But, tomorrow is not the day to go to the shelter and get a new cat. Tomorrow is the day to go find a new place for you to live.
Once you have a new home for yourself, then you can let your fiancé know that you’re getting a new companion or two to replace him. And you can live happily ever after without a man who thinks he’s going to change you and put his happiness above yours.” priapismLPN
18. AITJ For Being Upset About My Partner Leaving Me Alone In The Car?
“My partner (47M) and I (23F) went out to the bars the other night, and I left my car at his house so I wouldn’t have to worry about driving. He got a babysitter so we could go out with two of his (female) friends, and we had a pretty good time.
Afterward, I ended up passing out in the car and coming to right before we dropped the first friend off. On our way to drop off the second friend, she asked to stop at a friend’s house on the way. So we maneuvered over there and they parked, not in the driveway, but on the side of the street.
It was about 4 am, and he and his friend got out of the car and left me in there while they went inside. I sat up, because they previously thought I was still asleep, and realized they had left me. I started panicking because I didn’t know where we were or how long they were going to be gone.
I waited a few minutes and got out, and decided I just wanted to be at home. I put his address into my phone’s GPS and started walking, and called my friend to get her advice on this situation. She ended up driving 30~ minutes or so to come to get me, picked me up, and took me back to his place.
I started freaking out because he kept calling me and I was upset with him for leaving me. They were gone for 15-20 min before they noticed I was missing.
When I finally picked up, he was mad because I left, and threatened to break up with me.
I packed my stuff and my friend took me to my house 30 min away. Today, he refused to talk to me except to tell me when I could pick up the rest of my stuff. He claims he did nothing wrong, and he’s mad because I got up and left. But in my mind, he had already put me in a bad position because I was wasted in the middle of somewhere I didn’t know.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. He didn’t do anything wrong in this instance. You could have called him or one of the friends. Sounds like you don’t even trust this man to begin with, and that’s why you panicked so quickly. Wow..girl get your life together.
Going out with an old nasty man, getting blackout wasted with strangers, and passing out. What is this? Obviously, neither of you is relationship material. BUT your brain is not yet developed and you still have time to improve your life. That old man is set in his nasty old ways.
Straight to the trash.” DrusillasEyeballs
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If you were awake when they were getting out of the car then why didn’t you speak up? And they locked the car up before they went inside right? So you were safe. Also, if you were somewhere you didn’t know, why would you get out and just start walking instead of calling your partner?
People who get wasted and pass out in cars are regularly left in the car by others who want to go inside a friend’s house for a minute. It’s nobody’s job to babysit you if you get passed out wasted.” disturbedoneforever
Another User Comments:
“I’m much closer to his age than yours.
Men like him pursue women your age because women my age refuse to put up with their crap. He thinks that women your age are easier to control. So prove him wrong and don’t apologize because you were right to walk away. And next time, go out with someone closer to your own age who would never leave you in such a vulnerable position ever again.
Someone could have broken into that car and hurt you. And next time, be careful about how much you drink. This situation proves that you can’t always rely on the people you’re with, and drinking too much puts you at risk. NTJ.” ComprehensiveBand586
17. AITJ For Saying My Partner And Her Family Are Snobby?
“My partner and her family have some snobby habits.
They don’t drink tea bags, she insists on drinking loose-leaf tea and she brings a tea set to my apartment so she can make tea she likes. I just boil hot water and stick a tea bag in which is apparently not good enough for her.
She buys expensive things, and won’t shop at Zara, Old Navy, or Walmart where I like to shop but she also won’t buy things with logos on them. She will shop for hours and then go home empty-handed and say they are all not right.
Really? Everything in the entire mall is not right for her. I find it very snobby.
Everything from scratch. Like all her food including mayo and bread is from scratch. Her whole family is this way and when I went over for the holidays her mom made food she was cooking from 8 am till dinner.
Everyone then wears fancy clothes and they have a differently shaped glass for every type of drink served. Even her 90-something grandma is dressed to the 9s even though it’s a family gathering.
This one she hates. She always puts pizza on a plate when she eats.
I take off the lid and split the pizza onto that so I don’t have to do the dishes and she hates it. Calls it living like an animal and always gets a plate and puts one slice on there at a time. Food is always on plates and she refuses to stand while eating or even eat ice cream while walking around.
She doesn’t want to be seen without her hair done and dressed well. She doesn’t wear lots of makeup but she always insists she must wear some even if it’s just to see a buddy or my parents who she already knows.
We had an argument last week because she insisted she had to clean the apartment for her friend who was coming over with her partner. They’ve been friends for years and she still deep-cleaned everything and washed her dog so she said she was going to skip going to the sports game I was looking forward to.
I had to go to the bar alone and I was pretty mad and we had a fight about it before her friend arrived and I called her and her family snobby because who cares what her apartment looks like for a long-time friend? By the way, it’s clean already and no one would think it’s messy but she insists it’s respectful to make her apartment look nice and my inviting her to my apartment ‘looking like a pig sty’ makes her want to leave.
My place is a bit messy sometimes but it’s not bad at all and I think she’s just snobby expecting things to look perfect.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – Your partner isn’t snobby you just have A HUGE INFERIORITY COMPLEX.
Why do you care so much about what kind of tea she drinks?
Are you so insecure that you think she’s better than you because she prefers loose tea leaves?
She buys expensive stuff. So she likes high-quality things. Is she demanding you break your bank to fund these things? What’s it to you how she spends her money?
Everything from scratch. So her family enjoys eating healthy meals? Oh no that’s SO offensive to you. They should just stuff their faces with fast, processed food like the rest of us, right?
She likes to use dishes for greasy pizza. OH, THE HORROR!
And god forbid your partner wants to look decent when she leaves the house.
You know, for somebody who wants to call people snobby, you sure like to look down your nose at them.” User
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Nothing you have described makes her snobby.
Cleaning her home for guests and eating off plates show that she has good manners. Drinking loose tea is just a preference. Being careful about what she buys only shows that she doesn’t want to waste money. Doing her hair and makeup shows she takes pride in her appearance.
All these things prove that she has high standards. You, on the other hand, sound boorish, judgmental, and hypocritical for pointing fingers at her while doing nothing to correct yourself. I can’t fathom what she sees in you. If she was really a snob, she wouldn’t be going out with someone like you.” Extension_Cucumber10
Another User Comments:
“I’m leaning toward YTJ.
Because I have learned when people say ‘snobby’ they can just mean ‘has a baseline of standards’.
‘Deep cleaning the house’ – what parts of the house did she clean? Did she scrub the oven? Did she take a toothbrush to the bathroom?
Or did she hoover and fold the laundry? The first is excessive, maybe a bit odd, the latter is normal, and neither of them is worth complaining about since she didn’t even ask you to help her.
‘Everything from scratch’ – you went over for a holiday meal and it’s incredibly common for people to start prepping the night before and start cooking early in the morning for a big feast. Mayo also lasts a while, so her making a big batch from scratch and then using it over the weeks is not weird.
‘She buys expensive things’ – honestly it just sounds like she won’t buy fast fashion, which there is a lot wrong with. She also doesn’t sound like a big spender since she doesn’t always buy something every time she goes out, so what’s wrong with that?
You’re criticizing her for things that barely affect you. Why are you two even together?” tofu_deluxe
You, however, appear to be an insecure fellow with lackadaisical slovenly habits and you're trying to normalize being a slob. Nothing wrong with being a slob. People gotta be free to live how they want. I can track with your pizza box theory. jerk, most times I don't even use a plate unless it's paper. But if I had a partner who willingly cleaned the place, made food from scratch, and took pride in their appearance and hygiene, I certainly would not criticize.
I can be a snob. I'll judge the beer you drink, the music you like, what you do with the shopping cart, and how you hang the toilet paper. But w*f is wrong with you, man? I know why she's with you. You're just charming enough to keep her engaged, but really, you're definitely the jerk here. Appreciate her or cut her loose so she can find a decent person who won't turn positives into negatives. You're sliding into gaslighting territory and that's not cool. Knock it off, thank her, and get her something that you didn't pick up at Walmart.
16. AITJ For Making My Step-Sister Change Her Outfit?
“My (17F) parents are divorced and I spend 50/50 with each parent. To be honest, going to my mom’s is awful, she has a step-daughter (17f) that I don’t like because she’s always stealing my clothes and wearing my jewelry, I’ve done everything I can to make her stop (INCLUDING, talking to my parents) but she refuses to listen.
It’s gotten to the point that I hardly keep valuable stuff or clothes/jewelry I like at my mom’s.
My step-sister had dinner with her partner’s parents yesterday and I also had planned a little outing with my partner today, because of that, I brought a cute dress that my mom bought me a while ago, shoes, makeup, and a few pieces of jewelry and KEPT them in MY bag.
She spent all morning getting dressed up and ready, my mom and I saw her getting in 3-4 outfits until she says she’s leaving. I look at her and she’s wearing MY DRESS. I ask what she was wearing and she says that nothing she had was cute and she ‘found’ this dress in my room.
I say ‘No, you snooped around my things and found that dress in my bag, take it off’. She says she’s already running late and ‘can’t do it’ but I put myself in front of the door and tell her to go change, that’s when I notice she’s also wearing my neckless and a ring, and I explode.
I yell at her ‘Take off my stuff, you thief! I’ll call my dad, that’s mine! Take it off!’, she starts to cry and my mom asks her to go change and give me my things back, she yells she’s running late and blah, blah blah, but I don’t care and I don’t move.
She goes back to her room and changes, then throws me my stuff back and storms off.
My mom said that what I did was NOT nice, and that I shouldn’t have called her a thief and when she was about to berate me, I just cut her off and ask her to let me call my dad so he can also hear how she’s gonna give a ‘talk’ because I didn’t let her lovely daughter steal my stuff.
She sent me to my room and I heard her and my stepdad fight at night. My dad’s on my side, but both my mom and her husband agree that I was a jerk, and a friend of mine thinks I shouldn’t have to make my step-sister change when she was already late.
I’m about to go out and I’m definitely wearing the dress and the rest of my stuff.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She snuck into your things and stole your stuff. When told to put it back she refused.
If you hadn’t seen her leaving, would she have returned the things she stole from your room?
Would she pay for the dress or the other items if she damaged them? Make her answer those questions in front of the whole family. She had dinner with her partner’s parents; that is not any kind of emergency situation or excuse not to return what she stole immediately.
You might want to get a lock for your door with a key so she can’t snoop into anything else you might not have missed yet. It’s one thing for siblings to borrow from each other, and totally another to sneak stuff and refuse to give it back when you’re caught.” MmeHomebody
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You’re clearly in the right here for several reasons. Your stepsister had no excuse to go through your belongings much less borrow them without your permission. Her lateness shouldn’t be a factor and may have been a tactic to get you/your mother to let her wear your things.
What you may be able to do is push for a bedroom that locks & for which you have the only key. If that’s not possible, then perhaps you can get a suitcase that locks.
Obviously, it’s ridiculous and unfair that you have to lock up your belongings.
Your mother and stepfather are wrong not to deal with the real problem – your stepsister’s refusal to stop borrowing your things without permission.” Mermaidtoo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Stop going to your mother’s. If you feel too guilty about that then only go for dinner or during the day on the weekends.
Never stay the night. Never bring anything with you that you can’t keep on you at all times. You are old enough to make this decision and if your mother complains, let her know you can certainly go to court to see if she can force custody, but since you are 17 and she isn’t providing a safe environment, there is no chance she will win.
Your mother was ridiculous to get angry at you and call you names. There is no excuse for your mother’s actions here. ‘I’m running late’ is not an excuse for theft and the step-daughter being embarrassed b/c she is late to dinner is her suffering very minimal consequences of her own behavior.
Honestly, your mother should be embarrassed about the way she is treating you.” Corpuscular_Ocelot
15. WIBTJ If I Let My Half-Sister Stay With Us?
“My mom ended things with my dad following an affair he had with his coworker that resulted in my half-sister Hannah (now 13). They never got married but he was involved with both her life and mine and my full siblings’ lives until we got old enough to find out why our parents’ marriage ended. Since then I (21f), my brother (24), and my sister Kate (18) have avoided him except when legally obligated to visit, and since we are all adults now it’s been a while since any of us have really talked to him.
My full siblings never got close to Hannah (they avoided her really) but I did, and she adores my daughter Elorie.
None of us are close with Hannah’s mom but I am friendly-ish with her. My mom and Kate both avoid her and Hannah because they blame them for what happened.
My mom insists that she never wants to meet Hannah, ever because even though she knows it’s not Hannah’s fault she can’t look at the result of her marriage of 20 years falling apart. That’s the important part.
Main issue: Hannah’s mom was recently diagnosed with a medical condition and she won’t be able to care for Hannah while in treatment.
Our dad lives out of state now and isn’t in a good position to care for a teen anyways. She has no other relatives. So she asked me if I’d be willing to take care of Hannah short term until she can find something stable.
I assured her that I’d be happy to have Hannah stay with us (me, my SO, and my daughter) as long as she needs it (her condition is not terminal).
Here’s where I may be the jerk: I agreed to take Hannah before talking to anyone else in my family (other than my SO who is on board).
My mom says that she’s not ok with this because she won’t be able to see me and her granddaughter as often because of Hannah. I told her that Hannah is a kid and she’s done nothing to deserve this treatment.
I still think I’m doing the right thing by taking her in.
My mom doesn’t live with us anyways. But Kate is upset too, so I thought I should get an outside opinion.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s a difficult situation but you’ve taken a wonderfully compassionate decision based on what felt right to you. I can see why your mum’s upset – you’re helping the woman who unraveled her marriage – but it’s not the kid’s fault.
You get on with her and she has a good relationship with your daughter. That’s a good recipe for a happy stay and making a horrible, upsetting time for Hannah easier.
Your mum and siblings can be upset – they’re allowed their own feelings – but they can’t dictate what you do.
You’re being a good role model to your daughter in how you’re handling this, so don’t let grandma’s bitterness undermine it.
You can apologize for not thinking about their feelings before agreeing but I wouldn’t change your mind. Explain your logic to them and be clear it’s your decision.
Your mum is choosing to cut her nose off to spite her face if sees your daughter less because Hannah’s there. Be clear she’s welcome but any reduction in contact will be your mum’s choice and you won’t be blamed for that, nor will you allow Hannah to be blamed for it.
The kid’s mum is sick, for Pete’s sake!
Keep being compassionate and warm-hearted. Elorie is lucky to have you.” Maleficent-Fennel-13
Another User Comments:
“HARD NTJ! I can see where your mother is coming from! That being said, it’s not up to her what you do for your sister.
It doesn’t even enter her orbit that you will have your sister at your home that you share with your partner and daughter! You don’t need to ask your mother’s permission if someone can stay at your house which you pay a mortgage or rent!
I don’t get how it will stop her from seeing her grandchild, that’s her choice, not yours. She isn’t punishing your sister’s mother or your father with her actions, she is punishing the result of the affair.
I thought we had got past the child is responsible for the parent’s crimes, but that’s just my two cents.” Working_Ostrich1780
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your mother is absolutely the jerk.
Hannah is a child whose mom is sick and whose dad is unable/unwilling to take care of her in the interim. Imagine how scared and alone she must be feeling. Your mother is a grown woman who has had 13 years to go to therapy and get her life together.
Yes, it sucks that her husband had an affair but guess what, you don’t get to punish everyone around you forever because of it.
In my opinion, it’s grotesque that your mom is insinuating that you should what… let your half-sister go into foster care while her mom recovers?
Seriously? She should be celebrating the fact that you are doing something so selfless and kind (especially when you already have another kid to look after), instead of making you feel guilty and blaming you for taking away her ability to visit. She is perfectly capable of arranging to do something with your daughter outside of the house if she can’t******* up and be civil to a literal pre-teen for half a day.
I’m sorry your mom is like this. If you were my daughter, I would be incredibly proud of you for being a safe place for someone in need. Good on you.” User
14. AITJ For Causing My Coworker To Get Fired?
“So I (22F) work at an animal shelter, I started working part-time at the Adoption Department.
That meant I was handling animals for people who wanted to adopt them. After a while of working there, a full-time position opened for our Surrender Department, after talking with my boss I was able to move departments. So now I have different responsibilities, I don’t handle the people as much as I do the animals.
I take them in and make sure they’re all healthy and doing okay before they go on the floor for people to look at. It really is the best job I’ve ever had.
So our main girl in this story was just recently hired about a month ago, we’ll call her Sadie (18f).
Now, this was her first job and I understand how totally nerve-racking it is. Especially in a job like this, there’s a lot to learn and it’s really easy to make a mistake. I made sure to let them know that I’m always available to lend a hand or answer any questions.
Which everyone always made use of.
Friday night my boss called me to tell me that one of the girls that was supposed to work Saturday suddenly quit, so I would have to be in adoptions all day. Now, I go to work at 8 while Sadie and our other coworker Lana (28f) come in at 9:30.
Once they came in, they started doing the normal setup before we officially opened at 10.
A lot of things happened that day that I believe led to her being fired, but I’ll tell you the one I think sealed the deal.
We had a man come in to look at one of our dogs he wanted to adopt.
So I make a copy of his ID and Lana goes to grab the dog so they can spend some time together. After she comes back, Sadie begins to say inappropriate things. She said that the man looked like a bad guy, and it wouldn’t surprise her if he was a bad person.
I was so shocked by what she said I stopped moving to try and process the moment. Lana starts laughing and the two continue to talk about him. I look at them and tell them that is inappropriate and they need to stop talking.
They just rolled their eyes and said yes mom.
But they still continued to talk about him.
After a while of him spending time with the dog, he came back out and said he would have to think about if this dog was for him or not. After a few more minutes of talking, he said goodbye and turned to leave.
Sadie turns around to Lana and they again start laughing, this time Sadie said he may be a criminal, mind you, he hadn’t fully left the building yet.
After he left, Lana took the copy of his id and took it back to her desk, and began to look him up on google to see if she could find out anything bad about him.
I stood up and left the room immediately calling the shelter manager to let her know what was going on. I had to write out an official statement about everything that happened that day. Our executive director went through the cameras and confirmed everything that happened and she was fired today.
Today, I overhead Lana say I was a jerk for getting her fired when it was just a joke. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, both should be fired honestly. This actually reminds me of a YouTube video I saw not too long ago where a woman based her trust on the appearance of two people.
The one she didn’t trust was the guy who was a CEO while the one she said she would trust was a murderer, the better-looking one being the murderer. Just goes to show, don’t base decisions on appearance, you may regret it.” mechfan83
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Yes, they’re being a jerk for making fun of a customer behind their back, but that’s not something they should be fired for. Coworkers will trash-talk customers all the time in any customer-facing role. You told them it was inappropriate and that’s totally the right thing to do, but you should’ve left it at that.
You said there were multiple things that led to her being fired, so if one of them was her not doing her job correctly, then that’s something she should be fired for, but not this, in my opinion.” Mucho_Maas_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You didn’t get her fired. Her actions on camera got her fired. You, OP, alerted the supervisor to a potential customer complaint that could be heading to her desk so that she wouldn’t be caught off guard. That was the right thing to do.
The conversation and attitude are what got Sadie fired.” kevwelch
What the coworkers did was inappropriate and out of line, and should absolutely have been reported.
13. AITJ For Not Helping My Fiancé During A Family Emergency?
“I grew up a foster kid and I don’t have the best grasp of normal family dynamics.
I (27F) do not get along with my fiancé’s family. His parents have been rude to me from day 1 because I don’t fit their ideal of what a nice girl should be and my background is significantly different than theirs. His brothers and SIL are also a bit condescending about my work and lifestyle.
After a particularly contentious holiday visit last year, I told my fiancé that I would be in low contact/no contact with his immediate family thereafter. I don’t mind him visiting them or keeping in touch at all, but I will not. They can always be his family but they won’t be mine.
If that was a dealbreaker so be it. He agreed that was fine. We’re child-free, plan to elope instead of having a ceremony, and as much as I move around for work, we’ll likely be thousands of miles away from them for most of our lives together.
His brother and SIL were in a car wreck last week and both ended up in ICU. They have three kids under 10 and as my fiance’s parents were at the hospital and he wanted to be there as well, he asked if I would watch his niblings at their house for a few hours and possibly overnight depending on how things went.
I told him no. I’ll be happy to deliver food, drop off anything he needs, and run errands, but I won’t stay at his brother’s home or be in a position to interact directly with his family. Besides the disruption to my work schedule, if it turned into an overnight deal since I have to get up very early, I doubt they want me there and it sounds like a fight waiting to happen once the emergency is over.
We went back and forth over it, but he finally ended up staying with them himself overnight and the following day. I dropped off clothes and food that night and the next day, but he just took them without speaking. The brother and SIL will be fine, fortunately.
When he got back home, he laid into me about not helping with his niblings when the situation is so extreme. I told him I did help, just not the way he wanted exactly, and he already knew my boundaries. He said it would have taken the pressure off of him and also been a good olive branch.
I told him his family already burned the olive tree and they don’t get to look down on me and still be able to call me in in a crisis. Doing the legwork I did was supporting him and I just really don’t care about them anymore beyond him.
We’re not arguing anymore, but we still disagree.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – they don’t appear to like you and look down on you, it’s NOT your responsibility to extend an olive branch at this point. Nor should you be expected to******* up and babysit their kids regardless of the urgency.
They HAD someone to watch them whom they respect and treat kindly. I agree with your approach to this. You have guidelines in place and you stuck with them. Your partner should support you, although I can appreciate him asking. I can even appreciate him being upset afterward, now that he realizes just what’s being lost here because of how HIS RELATIVES are treating you.
You have EVERY right to be respected and treated right.” Lurkingentropy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, this is probably going to be unpopular, but I think you’re NTJ for a couple of reasons:
Since you do not have much of a relationship with his family, I’m assuming you are not close with the kids.
I think it would be much more traumatizing for the kids to be greeted off the bus by an adult they barely know and having to explain that their parents are in the ICU. This is a job for their uncle or grandparents. I get that he wanted to visit them, but they already had the parents there and he wouldn’t be able to help at the hospital anyways.
His staying with the kids is the most helpful thing he could do.
The parents would not want you in their home and have accused you of stealing because of your background, so I think you’re correct that your staying there would have just been a fight waiting to happen.
You supported him in any other way you could without being in direct contact with his family. Given the circumstances, this is more than fair.” xcdevy
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think anyone is the jerk here. I think it’s entirely legitimate for you to draw the line with the way they have treated you.
Also, you do not know these kids and cannot just uproot them. On top of this, you did, as you point out, help. You just didn’t do exactly what he wanted.
From his point of view, the request was made when he didn’t know whether his nephews and nieces were going to be orphaned. His brother, whom he loves, was in intensive care.
People don’t trivially go to ICU for no reason. He was not asking you to do his family a favor he was asking you to put aside your concerns so he could be with his brother in case things were bad.
Both these positions have legitimacy.
Both of you have reasonable expectations of the other. It is not fair for him to ‘lay into you’ but I am not surprised that he feels hurt and upset. I am not surprised that you feel hurt and upset. There may be a degree of him expecting too much but also please ask yourself whether there might be a degree of you having learned to rely on yourself not realizing how important it was for your fiance.
Not your BIL and SIL. Not your inlaws. But for him. You would have been doing this for him. You and him against the world. He might feel in his moment of panic and need it was him against the world and you at arm’s length.
Please don’t misunderstand me. I am not trying to shame you or definitely say that one of you is wrong. All I am saying is that I can understand and see both points of view. In the end, I’m glad the kid’s parents are ok and I hope you and your fiance can find some common/mid-ground and move forward.” speakingtoidiots
You stated your position calmly and clearly. It can't possibly have come as a surprise to your SO. Stick to your guns and don't allow him or anyone else to put you in a position to be disrespected by them - EVER. You'll do fine.
12. AITJ For Telling My Grandad That My Stepdad Turned My Room Into A Gym?
“My (16M) step-dad (32M) is a total gym-rat, I used to think the guy was cool but now that I know him better, that’s his whole personality, everything is about calories and repetitions in this house, he’s always telling me to watch my food, to be aware of what I eat, to ‘lift more’, despite me being in good shape because I’m a swimmer.
I don’t think the guy is a step-monster or a bad dude, but he’s oblivious. Now, some important context is that my mom’s (45f) house is owned by my grandparents, they’re the same as me, they like my step-dad but also think he’s kinda random.
Now, I usually spend 3 weeks at my dad’s and 1 week at my mom’s for personal choice, and my room at my mom’s is my childhood room because that’s where we lived when my parents were married, the house also has another 3 rooms, not as big as mine, but big enough.
My stepdad has been talking about having a home gym for a while and I knew my mom was on board. To be totally and completely honest, I thought they’re gonna use some of the other rooms and not mine, but I was really surprised when I came home from my dad’s last week and found that they switched all of my stuff to one of the smaller rooms. I can’t begin to describe what I felt, it’s not the fact that they shipped me off to one of the little rooms, it’s how they went through my stuff and moved my things around with total disregard for my privacy, because I had a lot of stuff and some were in boxes with little to no care if they’re fragile or not, and then, yeah, the fact that they kicked me out of my childhood room, the reason?
My stepdad said that it was ‘cool’ to have an ensuite in HIS gym.
I just stared at them, did a 180° and got out of there, then at the park, I called my grandad and told him what they’d done. He drove quickly and flipped on them because 1.
They never mentioned a gym, 2. The room was mine, and so on. I said that I didn’t care about the room anymore, but my grandad said they could either take the gym out and give my room back, or they could pay rent. They obviously gave me my room back.
Now, my stepdad is kinda chill about it. He said I could’ve said something (like what, as if I was expecting this) but my mom is mad because I called my grandad (and because he basically chose my comfort over hers?), she said I’m here ONE week and I could’ve put my butt in the new room, and, to be honest, I felt bad, I don’t know if I’m right anymore and I’m wondering if I’m a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“Jesus Christ! Absolutely NTJ! Your mother is INSANE! It’s crazy to me that they didn’t even ASK you what YOU thought about YOUR room. End of story. Doesn’t even matter how much time you spend there or not. Any decent parent would have at minimum asked your opinion first. I see exactly why you don’t spend time there if you matter that little that they couldn’t even consider you that basic respect.
And now she’s gaslighting you that you did something wrong by questioning why you didn’t get a bare minimum of respect as her own b***d? Oh God no. Screw that.
Go stay with your dad permanently at this point and cut contact. This is extremely insane of your mother.
If it were me I wouldn’t ever be comfortable stepping foot in that home ever again if I mattered that little that I felt disposable to the point where I couldn’t even be talked to about the living arrangements and just up and moved out of my childhood room where my lifetime of memories was and thrown into a side room for a GYM for a step-parent.
A parent’s job is a CHILD FIRST. Over anything. Not to mention you are still a minor too. I am so very sorry you’ve been made to feel like an inconvenience in your own home and by your own mother no less! My heart breaks for you!” strngr2hrslf
Another User Comments:
“For one, this is your grandparents’ house – they own it. Ultimately it’s up to them if they want/don’t want something in the house and the property.
I can’t comprehend how your mom and stepdad never told you they planned this at all.
Why keep it from you, not even asking for permission to handle your stuff or if you were okay with it? The fact they did this behind your back is insane.
Doesn’t matter if you stay one week a month there, it is your room.
Having it be your childhood room is even more frustrating because it obviously has a lot of sentimental value/memories to you.
Your mom and stepdad are the jerks here. I’m glad the stepdad (so far) is content with what’s happened, but I’m surprised the mom is being a huge jerk about it.
You’re NTJ at all, you did the right thing.” KingPiscesFish
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – by any means.
How quickly your grandfather showed up and threatened them with rent vs. the room, infers to me that your mom lives rent-free only because of your very existence.
It’s telling that your father has close to full custody. I just get the sense that your mother is irresponsible, immature, and very self-centered. It seems that your grandfather is fully cognizant of her defects and probably offered up the house rent-free to ensure that for the limited time that you are with her that you have a safe secure home.
I get the feeling also that the house will eventually be yours if he doesn’t sell it after you reach adulthood.
Don’t feel bad. She behaved badly and her father stepped in to underline that point. That his consequences were so swift and harsh only emphasizes how often she is out of line.
To me, it seems as though he tolerates her so that he can see you when you do stay with her.
So don’t feel bad.
Hugs.” RazMoon
11. AITJ For Not Wanting My Nephews To Visit When They're Sick?
“I am F18 and my sister is F31. She is married and has two kids, a 4-year-old and a 9-month-old baby both boys. I love her kids with everything.
My sister comes to visit almost every day and we help her take care of her children.
She never graduated from her career and I don’t want to disappoint my parents so my dream is to graduate within 4 years. I took a lot of credits this semester and am going through a hard time.
My sister got into arguments with me because I ‘don’t do anything with my life’ when I work hard to graduate and do my personal chores.
I talked with my parents if they consider I should work and contribute with finances but they told me I should graduate first.
I help her take care of her kids while she cooks for us and she claims she is a big help for cooking when she comes and I appreciate that but she makes me feel little and worthless.
Today was the biggest fight ever. I was in a bad mood, on my period, and sick so she told me to complete my tasks and I snapped back. I told her I was angry at her because she brings her kids sick and I got sick too.
She told me she can never count on me and that I am the worst person she ever met. That she doesn’t consider me her little sister anymore and doesn’t want me to talk to her kids anymore.
AITJ?
Update: I talked to my parents about this and my dad mentioned that ‘when I have children of my own I will understand why she was so hurt by my words’.
My mom agrees with me that she exaggerated with her words but told me to ‘try to understand her because she is going through a financial crisis (that I didn’t know about) and a lot of stress because the baby isn’t sleeping well and won’t let her sleep’.
I promised my parents I would try to be nicer with my words, but I don’t know if I can look at her the same after what she told me. We haven’t talked since and I’m not ready to talk about that for fear of her hurting my feelings more.
I don’t know if I’m being selfish.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are taking time out of your busy day to help her with your kids for no compensation. That she should respond with anything but gratitude is rude on her part. They are her kids, therefore they are her responsibility, not yours.
You are not obligated in any way to help her out, and she needs to realize this.
If she feels that she can’t count on you, then fine. Let her find someone else. It is actually completely reasonable to expect her to not bring the kids around other people when they are sick, especially after the events of these past few years.
She needs to wake up and realize how dependent she is on other people’s kindness and respond accordingly.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister sounds very jealous. She sees you have an amazing future ahead of you while she is at home with little kids – often a challenging time in terms of a woman feeling her life is only about diapers and doing laundry.
When your sister assaults your character she is projecting her feelings of self-worthlessness onto you. She is lucky to have you and your family available to help with her children – many people aren’t so fortunate. There is NO reason she should be telling you what you need to do.
It’s your parents’ house and they are happy to have you working hard in school. Finally, I totally agree, she should NOT bring the kids over when they are sick. You are a student and you need to be healthy to do your work.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you don’t feel well you should be resting so you can get better faster. If her kids are sick she should keep them home if she can so they don’t spread it, and they need rest too. It sounds like she is jealous.
She has a lot of responsibilities and probably envies you because your future is still ahead of you, and you have more opportunities at this point. You’re job-free and child-free. The future is wide open for you. Make it worthwhile, and don’t let her drag you down.” ContentedRecluse
10. AITJ For Wanting To Remove My Privacy Curtains?
“So, I (13F) was sitting with my dad talking to him this morning in my room when I mentioned my old ‘privacy’ curtains. They had a few holes in them since I’ve had them since we moved into our home (so around 7 years) and they never did work anyways, they restricted my view of the outside more than anything.
He agreed they didn’t really do anything and since I’m a lot older now I should have them taken down, and they looked like something you’d see on a grandmother’s wedding dress more than actual curtains.
Well, my mother obviously found out that we were taking them down after I came home from school and she was livid.
She started screaming at me and crying, Saying that I basically controlled her and that I should be ashamed to even ask her such a thing. I was more confused than anything, and my dad asked her to calm down. She started getting even angrier and started to cry more.
She stormed upstairs and went into hers and my dad’s room and refuses to talk to any of us, saying how distraught we’d made her and how panicky we’d caused her to be. She also said to me that children shouldn’t be in charge of their rooms and that it’s her house and my room is technically hers and that l made her ashamed by asking.
I’m personally confused about why she got so angry over something so little, but I also feel pretty awful considering we didn’t ask her about taking them down first and we made her pretty distraught.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – that is absolutely not normal behavior from your mom.
Blowing up over window curtains? It is completely reasonable to want to change things in your room and your dad agreed to it. This is something your dad needs to help your mom with, however serious the problem she’s having may be.” squirreltrap
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your mother’s reaction is abnormally strong for this to be over curtains. I’m wondering if she’s struggling with feeling out of control with you getting older. Or if there’s something completely unrelated happening and this just made her snap.
Doesn’t make her reaction right and doesn’t make what you did wrong. You asked a parent and they agreed. Your mother shouldn’t have taken it out on you in that way (or anybody). But if there was a problem it should’ve been calmly addressed with your father.
Sorry she reacted that way, I can imagine it was a bit scary & confusing.” drowsiestdreamer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Something about this is bothering her, and from what we know it doesn’t make sense to be this distraught over curtains in a teenager’s bedroom.
I don’t think that anyone would predict that a parent would react this way. You brought it up with your father, and it doesn’t seem like the kind of decision parents are going to need to discuss together and carefully think about.” Imthatsick
9. AITJ For Not Wanting To Name My Son After My Partner's Late Coworker?
“I am pregnant with my first son, and that’s all my partner has ever wanted, since we first got together he always said he wanted a son to take his name or his father’s. Well, a couple of years back his coworker passed away, before his passing he became close friends with him, mainly because my partner drove him to and from work every day, and they shared great times traveling all over the state to job sites, thinking back they never really hung out together outside of work… but nonetheless they were close, and he was a great outgoing, bubbly person on the outside, but suffered in silence and had a troubled soul with some setbacks that inevitably took his life.
Ever since we found out about the gender he has been insisting that we name the baby after him, and not the jr we previously talked about (which I was willing to settle for). I just feel like I wasn’t too thrilled about the sudden name change and told him while it was sweet and in honor of his friend who passed, I told him I wanted a say in the name of our child that I’m carrying.
The worst part is, his mom asked what we were naming the baby, and she basically looked at me like I was the worst person in the world, for having reservations about naming my son after him, AITJ? Cuz I slightly feel like I am, should I stand my ground or give in?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Naming a child should be a veto system. If one parent doesn’t like the name it’s a no go or you try to find a compromise between the first name and middle name. Also, it’s in his best interest to try to compromise with you or find something that works.
Unless you’re married the mother is the one that’s the defacto parent on everything, he doesn’t even get on the birth certificate unless you want him on there. So, if he does try to strong-arm you or is unwilling to compromise then he really doesn’t even have a leg to stand on.
In a perfect world, you work together and come up with something that works for both of you, if he doesn’t want to work with you at all then you literally don’t have to involve him.” myworkthrowaway87
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, stand your ground! Your husband is acting like you’re a surrogate.
It may be good to get individual/couples therapy to work through this non-communication, to get an outside perspective that may be able to help this man realize what’s going on.
You could mention a compromise if you wanted to – a compromise could be like a middle name.
Though I would look into why really he’s striving for a son, like what would have happened if you were having a daughter. (Would he treat her differently than his son?) Also – if they really don’t hear you, you can name the kid whatever you want, I’m not sure but I can’t imagine a nurse would help hijack a name you don’t want on the birth certificate.” Far_Librarian9628
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You should definitely have an equal say in naming your son. You should be able to veto a name you are not comfortable with.
A compromise could be a middle name. Give the child another first name, the one you and your partner previously talked about and which you settled for… But use your partner’s former coworker/friend’s name as a middle name.” McMerseybird
8. AITJ For Telling My Birthday Plans To My Mom?
“So, I (19M) am turning 20 soon (next month!!) and my brother (27M) and his partner (25F) decided they wanted to take me out to hang out for my birthday cause I don’t really have any friends to spend it with.
This honestly isn’t all that crazy from my normal schedule with them, we usually hang out on the weekends, and it’s never been a problem, or so I thought.
After getting told they were planning stuff for my birthday I told my mom (43F) so that she’d know I’d be gone and that I wouldn’t be able to babysit.
Well, she asked what we were planning and I told them it was for my birthday and she. got. mad.
All of a sudden it was a fight about how I’m always being invited out while she’s never invited places, about how she didn’t get a birthday party (even though she DID), and about how I was ungrateful and never wanted to hang around her.
It was a lot, I mostly stayed quiet cause she had this habit and I was tired of it since she’d been doing it since I was a kid. Now she is still angry at me and telling anyone who will listen how ungrateful and rude I am
I normally wouldn’t post something so stupid on here but I have family members telling me I was wrong for telling her anything and how she’s just upset and I need to be nice and cancel my plans, so, AITJ?
Edit: When I mentioned babysitting it wasn’t for my mom’s children!
My brother has a kid my mom and I babysit while he’s at work and I was informing her of my plans so she wasn’t blindsided! She gives me the same respect in regards to if she has to do something so I wasn’t expecting this reaction!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. WHAT?! Why are YOU responsible for your mom’s social life? Why is it your job to make her happy and plan things for her and hang out all the time? Your mom is a 43-year-old adult, she needs to find her own friends and get a life of her own.
If she wants to make birthday plans with you she can pick another night. You’re 20 years old (Happy Birthday!) of course you’re going to want to hang with fun people closer to your age. She’s being very weird, controlling, and inappropriate. Just because she gave birth to you does not mean she OWNS you.
Tell her to grow up and stop having tantrums like a baby. This is ridiculous.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She just sounds lonely. Maybe she’s been ignoring that; it’s common for primary childcare providers in a family to be suddenly confronted with the difficulty of creating a life for themselves when they’ve been focused on being a parent/provider for a long time and the child no longer needs that.
Maybe it would be a good idea to talk to your sibling about getting her an experience gift for the next gift-giving event in her life. Something that will get her out of the house and give her the chance to make new friends.” User
7. AITJ For Expecting My Husband To Help More Around The House?
“My husband (M32) has stated that if he had a partner who did not work then he expects them to keep the house clean and take care of the children.
However, in our family, he works a maximum of 20 hours a week at a fairly physically intensive job that starts early in the morning. I (F32) work 40 hours a week behind a computer at home. We recently had a child together and since then the amount of work to be done at home has increased by a lot.
Now besides working 8 hours a day behind my computer, I am also taking care of the baby, doing dishes and laundry, and cooking dinners, and might on a good day get an hour to myself to relax. My nights are not guaranteed either with the baby waking up and staying awake multiple nights in a row.
I understand that after getting home from work he needs an hour or two to recover before getting into the grind of housework and I am willing to support him in that.
Once in a while, my husband does some of the work like changing the diaper bin or cooking dinner but on average he says he needs to relax after a heavy day at work and sits behind the computer and games for 6+ hours.
Am I the jerk for telling him that if he expects a non-working partner to do all the housework then since he only works part-time he should do at least 75% of the housework and contribute more to childcare? If he is not willing to do so much around the house I also gave him the option of finding a full-time job and contributing more towards the bills so I can take a step back at work and do more around the house.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because not only is your husband a jerk to suggest that he expects a stay-at-home partner to do ALL the household chores and childcare, but you work a full-time job from home. That does not fit the definition of ‘if he had a partner who did not work’ so his demands are not only out of touch, they’re completely non-applicable.
You said: ‘Once in a while my husband does some of the work like changing the diaper bin or cooking dinner but on average he says he needs to relax after a heavy day at work and sits behind the computer and games for 6+ hours.’
Wow, he changes a diaper bin—not an actual diaper—and cooks once in a while? In gamer vernacular, I guess that’s an achievement unlocked, but he sure doesn’t get combo points for doing the bare minimum!
Your husband would rather game for 6+ hours than contribute to your household and care for your child.
Please OP, have a long and hard think about whether you want to stay with someone so deeply uncaring and oblivious.” Sireyn
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What you’re talking about is sweat equity. You’re working from home, which means (or at least should mean) just as much as if you were in an office with the only difference being no commute, so you’re not in any way a stay-at-home wife.
Even if you were, it wouldn’t be fair for you to handle everything until your children are old enough to not need as much care. You both need to sit down and work out what’s fair taking into account you working twice as many hours vs.
his job being physically intensive. He doesn’t get to come home, collapse, and not do anything else besides the 20 hours of physical labor. You’re working too.” Pale_Cranberry1502
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When having a kid, you have to both be mentally prepared to do 60 hours of ‘tasks’ (whether for work or household), plus another 30 hours of watching the baby.
Yup, that only leave 30 hours of sleep, and that sucks, but that’s what being a new parent is all about.
However you guys are lucky because he’s only working 20 hours, so he can put in an additional 10 hours of childminding and 10 hours of cleaning, and then you can both get 40 hours of sleep!
If he’s doing 20 hours of work and only 5 hours of household, that’s putting the rest of his load on you and that’s completely insane.
You should not be cooking or cleaning at all until he’s put in his full 60 hours for the week.” mwenechanga
6. AITJ For Vacuuming At 8 In The Morning?
“So I (27F) work overnights, and when I got home today one of my dogs decided to poop and pee in their playpen. (it’s not a crate, it’s a 4×4 playpen for two beagles (5&10).
They have a bed/pee pad/water.) I cannot leave them outside of the crate because they turn into beagles and chew on things, one is diabetic and a few years ago I had to get their stomachs pumped because they got into my pantry when I wasn’t home and ate things that are toxic to dogs, hence why they have a playpen.
I’m only saying that to avoid the ‘how dare you crate your dogs’ comments.
So today I got home at 730 after working an 8-hour shift. I found the mess and began to clean it. I wanted to mop the floor and found a ton of dog hair that built up behind the playpen but wasn’t in pee or poop so I brought out my stick vacuum and cleaned it.
I then decided since I was going to mop the floor, I wanted to just clean the entire living room which is about 16×17. I do not have a rug yet, as I moved in a month ago and it’s not in the budget right now.
Also, my vacuum is not loud. it’s a small stick vacuum that I bought specifically for vacuuming dog hair since my dogs shed a lot and it’s easier to use than pulling out the big pet vacuum that I use for my carpets.
The loudest part of it is when it rolls across the ground. I live in a building with 3 floors, (I’m on 2) with over 100 units so it’s not a small complex. My neighbor (early 30s, no kids no pets) came upstairs banging on my door that it was 830 in the morning and she didn’t have to get up for another 30 minutes.
I know my living room is over hers, not her bedroom. She said that I know she goes to sleep late (on my days off I’ve heard her tv well into the early morning) and called me a jerk for vacuuming.
I tried to explain that I was cleaning up my dog’s mess before I went to sleep after work, and she said she would be contacting management about it.
Note to add: my lease does NOT require rugs to cover a certain % of the floor, I just want one. So AITJ for deciding to clean the rest of the dog hair before I mopped my floor?
ETA: the noise addendum in my lease says quiet hours are 10 pm-7 am, and in my town yard work can legally begin at 8 am.”
Another User Comments:
“Technically NTJ. But part of living in an apartment is at least trying to be decent. Now that you know how loud it is to them a quick, ‘Hey now that we know we are on opposite schedules I hope we can work together a little better on being courteous’ note with a brownie or something could go a very, very long way.
When you know your actions impede on another’s sleep the issue goes slightly beyond the question of whether or not you technically have the right to do something and into the question of if there is a way to be a good human and make sure both parties can be happy.” SoloPiName
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It was after 7 am and you are just trying to keep a clean space. Your neighbor is being self-centered. You do not have to even consider her schedule, much less change your behavior to suit it. As long as you are adhering to the quiet hours, you are not being a bad neighbor.
If she can’t handle her neighbors making any noise because of her schedule, then she needs to move out of communal living or change her schedule. Either way, not your problem. Especially if she’s going to approach it like that!” Aggravating-Humor-63
Another User Comments:
“Lease says 7 am.
This is LITERALLY all the info needed to say you’re NTJ.
Your neighbor signed the same lease with the same quiet time, so she has nothing to complain about.
She will contact management? Good, let her. They will laugh at her. You have a bigger case than she does, you did literally nothing outside the rules while she harassed you without reason.
In fact, if I were you I’d contact management myself.
Grown woman in her 30s complaining of noise at 8 AM, gimme a break.” The_Incredible_Rook
5. AITJ For Not Wanting My Partner's Son To Call Me "Dad"?
“I started going out with a woman, who I’ll call Nadia (not her name), for the remainder of the story.
We have been together for eight (8) months, we are the same age (32) and she has a son (8).
She’s an extremely gentle and honest person, and I love being with her. Her son is smart, happy, and curious, an awesome kid. I sincerely love spending time with both of them and helping out with anything I can, including his homework (not that he needs any help there).
Through these months, he got very attached to me, and that’s good! I love that he decided I’m someone who he trusts and can open up to. The problem is, this past weekend, he started to call me dad.
I’ve been going out with his mother for eight months, and while I do see a future for the three of us, I’m not his father, and I’ll never be.
His biological father is very present in his life, and I’ve met him many times. He is a good man, and I don’t feel like it is right that I ‘share’ this title with him.
Don’t misunderstand me, I have no intention of being indifferent to the kid.
On the contrary, I want to have the best possible relationship with him. He is the son of the woman I like, and he is a brilliant kid. But, even if eventually Nadia and I get married, I’ll be his stepfather, not his dad.
I decided to talk to Nadia and explain the situation and my feelings.
She was not very receptive, getting extremely troubled and claiming I was dismissing the kid’s emotions. Look, this was never my intention, I just don’t want to take away his biological father’s place. It wouldn’t be fair to both of them.
To be honest, I don’t even know how to express myself or my feelings here.
I care a lot about them, but that doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to have my emotions.
That’s it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your feelings are perfectly logical and I think your thought process shows you’re a very caring person. You’re not a jerk for worrying about how this new label the kid has put on you affects everyone involved. Especially when it’s been only 8 months since you’re in their lives and nothing permanent has been established.
Nadia isn’t a jerk for reacting negatively, because according to you she didn’t get mad because she expected you to take on a fatherly role, she was just upset at the notion of you rejecting her son’s affection, which is understandable. I do question, however, that she allowed her child to get so attached to you and sees no problem in him calling you dad, after only 8 months of being together and considering you two aren’t even on a ‘we are in love’ status at the moment (Yes, I noticed you said she’s the woman you LIKE, not the woman you love).
The only scenario where I think she would be the jerk is if she has been encouraging her son to call you dad, without discussing it with you.
And obviously, her son isn’t a jerk for feeling close enough to you to call you dad.
I do think this is a bit odd, though, all the more if his bio father is present in his life. I’m no expert but children aren’t usually so eager to give such a prominent title as mum or dad to people they’ve only known for a few months when said title and role are already covered. I wonder if his relationship with his father is a good one.
Perhaps despite being present, you are more of a father to him than his own? I don’t know.
Regardless, I think you need to talk to Nadia again. Maybe you didn’t express yourself clearly and she took your concern as an attempt to keep her son at a distance.
And perhaps a good solution would be for the three of you to have a chat and come up with a different label for you. Because it’s also possible the kid doesn’t want to address you by name because you’re part of his family in a way and didn’t know of a better label than ‘dad’.
I mean, I remember seeing in an interview that Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russel did that with her children: they didn’t want to call him Kurt because they loved him, but at the time they still had their father in their lives so they didn’t know what to call him, so they had a family meeting and decided they would call him ‘Pa’, which they still use to this day because it became their thing, although they consider him their father at this point.” Jolly_Tooth_7274
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You determine your labels and names, nobody else.
But nobody is the jerk here, except maybe a very light YTJ to Nadia because while she is very attuned to her son’s emotional needs, she seems to be overlooking yours.
I think it might be a good idea to chat with a school counselor or even a therapist who is experienced with these kinds of issues.
They could help you navigate the appropriate language to explain to the child that he only has one dad, but that you are very proud to be part of his life and maybe together you could come up with a special name for you if that is something you are comfortable with.” lilFireMermaid
Another User Comments:
“If you’ve thought of the future with your partner then this was part of the deal. I get that some kids never call their step-parents dad but others do. Most of the younger ones do at least, from what I have seen personally.
That being said I think you might have screwed yourself here. I get that you don’t want to be called that but just because he calls you dad too does not mean he loves his own father any less. That just means he loved you like a parent.
I don’t think this has the right answer at all because you will potentially really hurt this child and they will think that you do not care for them enough. Everyone is asking if you’ve asked his father or how he feels or the mother.
Have you asked the child why he wants to call you dad? Have you asked what he feels about his biological dad? I feel like that is where you will get the answer that you need without hurting his feelings. For now, I will say no jerks here.” ChimiJae123
Another User Comments:
“Is she not doing the exact same thing… dismissing your feelings? NTJ for having them or being cautious about the situation. 8 months is not a lot of time for the word dad to be tossed around especially since you are in no way the dad (step) at this point.
That’s great yall are bonding and a future is likely but mom should be protecting her son and not letting him use that term. Come up with another term for yalls relationship if needing one. Mate, maybe? I don’t know. In the future though if yall do get together there is nothing wrong with also being called dad at that point.
Or pop or whatever. Many kids have multiple parents like that. So don’t shut it down entirely if it gets to that point. But NTJ for feeling how you do now.” herdingcats2020
4. AITJ For Telling My Daughter's Grandma To Mind Her Own Business?
“I (35f) had my daughter Ari (10f) when I was 24. Her father Ryan (35m) and I had been together since high school but when I got pregnant our relationship fell apart. We split up, and I pretty much raised Ari by myself with him occasionally dropping by to see her on her birthday or a holiday.
When she was 4, I met my husband Henry (52m). He’s been raising her like his own ever since.
Despite the fact that Ryan doesn’t have any custodial rights (he voluntarily signed them away 4yrs ago), I still let Ari see his family because she loves them and I’ve known them for half my life.
Ryan’s mom Anna (64f) helped me out a lot when I was pregnant and when Ari was first born, and Ryan’s sister has kids Ari’s age that she’s close with. Ryan doesn’t come around much to see his family anyway, so he’s never expressed discomfort at Ari spending time with them despite the situation.
Anna informed me a week ago that Ryan is getting married to his partner of 3yrs, and they asked if my daughter would be the flower girl since the bride’s 6-year-old son is going to be the ring bearer and they both want ‘their kids’ involved.
I told her that, Ryan can’t only claim Ari when he feels like it, and also I wouldn’t be comfortable with my daughter participating in the wedding in that way. Anna dropped the subject so I thought it was done with and I just went about things as usual.
Ari went to dinner with Anna yesterday because Anna asked if she could spend some time with her, and Ari wanted to go see her too. When my daughter came back from dinner, one of the first things she asked me was why I was making it so hard for her dad to fix things between them.
I asked her what she meant, and she said that she knew her dad wanted her at his wedding as a daughter, but I had refused to let her go. She said I was making it hard for him to be a good dad by preventing her from seeing him.
I then asked her who told her that, and she was reluctant to admit it at first but she eventually said that Anna had talked to her about it.
I explained to Ari as delicately as I could that she deserves someone who shows up for her even when other people aren’t around to witness it/know it.
My husband and I both plan on having a long conversation with her about it later.
I called Anna and told her that the next time I tell her something that involves my child, I expect her to abide by it. Anna said that she was only trying to help but I said that I didn’t care what her intention was, she needs to mind her own when it comes to my kid.
Ryan’s sister texted me a little while after the call ended, saying that I was wrong to speak to her mother that way when all Anna has ever done is help me with Ari.
Henry thinks I said/did the right thing and that Anna completely overstepped.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Lying to your child that her father wants to do better is not well-intentioned, IT IS CRUEL to get her hopes up just so Ryan could use her as a wedding prop then send her back and return to being a mostly absent dad who pops in on holidays.
He isn’t a present father most of the time and doesn’t get to play happy family at his wedding as if he is for one day then send your daughter back and break her heart when he is back to his regular behavior.” EnergyThat1518
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Ari is currently too young to understand how harmful her father coming and going in her life will be to her or her future. She’s not ready to make a decision like that. It’s not always a parent’s job to do what their children want and make them happy, your main job is to keep them safe, even if sometimes that makes them unhappy.
This is an example of that. If Ryan wants a relationship with his daughter, and Ari wants one with him, it needs to be mediated carefully and he needs to (over time) demonstrate commitment to growing that relationship.
Having Ari be a flower girl is not how you start that process, it’s just a way for him to pretend to have been a dad.
Anna overstepped and was thinking about her son rather than her granddaughter and she would be wise to remember who is the child and who is the adult in the future.” MagicianGOBBluth
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – b***d does not make someone family. The sperm donor SIGNED OVER HIS RIGHTS and has actively said he does not want her around.
Granny’s busybody isn’t helping anyone with her shoving your daughter in the middle to try and force a relationship the dude absolutely Does – Not – Want.
She is setting your daughter up for a world of pain because she does not need to know or feel like her bio dad doesn’t want her.
And shoving blame onto YOU for protecting your child. You may want to quietly lessen contact for a bit. It doesn’t have to be said or be obvious, but… you and your daughter need a break from that side of the gene pool. Granny needs to take time and really grasp how gross and underhanded and hurtful her actions really were.
Currently, she is not in the best interest of your daughter, regardless of what her (utterly not thought out) ‘intentions’ were.” C_Alex_author
3. AITJ For Not Selling My Stuffed Animals?
“I (18m) am a senior in high school, I have really bad anxiety and depression, to help with my anxiety I have little stuffed animals I bring to school that I call anxiety buddies.
They’re small enough to hold in my hands and not distract anybody, but big enough for people to notice them.
Every morning when I get off the bus I get breakfast from school, I was sitting at a table with one of my friends eating when this group of girls walked passed me and one of them grabbed my buddies and just started walking away with it.
I got up and stopped her, letting her know it was mine and she started saying that it was actually hers that she had left there. I took it back cause I knew she would walk off with it again if I didn’t.
This girl started screaming at me saying how I can’t take things out of her hand, as she’s yelling one of the APs at our school came up to try and help solve the problem.
She tried to tell them that I took her stuffed animal, but I always bring the same ones with me so all my teachers, people in my classes, and the APs know they’re mine. She then started lying saying how she wanted to buy them from me since her family couldn’t afford nice ones like I have.
I told her that she could get them super cheap at a dollar store or goodwill but wouldn’t be giving her mine because they’re special to me.
She started saying how I’m classist, all because she’s poor and I’m not.
My family is not poor at all, I’m very grateful for the money my dad makes, but we don’t have a lot of it because of my mom’s cancer. So I briefly explained that to her, and she straight up told me that my family obviously didn’t have enough money so she offered me $300 for my two stuffies.
I told her no again and she started saying how I’m selfish and I’m being a jerk by not giving her my stuffies and how she did nothing wrong. After the conversation, even the APs told me I could’ve been nicer to her.
So AITJ? I really don’t think I am but some of my friends have been telling me that I should’ve just given her my anxiety buddies, but I want to make sure I’m not just being self-centered.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She’s poor but she offered you $300 for them.
Right. Get out of here with that nonsense. As for being ‘nicer’ to her goes, I think you were way too nice. Your family’s financial situation is absolutely none of her business.
The APs wanted you to be ‘nicer’ to her because they just wanted her to shut up and go away, and seemed to think it was your responsibility to make that happen.
This happens a lot because it’s so much easier to criticize the offended party who probably won’t scream at them than a jerk who has demonstrated that they will.” love_laugh_dance
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
To be perfectly frank I hate it when people pull the, ‘you could have been nicer,’ when someone else was doing something awful.
This girl tried to steal from you, lied about ownership, and then claimed she was trying to purchase something that was not for sale. It sounds like you were nicer than she deserved and it also sounds like she’s the type to scream ‘jerk’ or ‘selfish’ when people don’t indulge her.
Also, she’s clearly not poor if she has a cool 300 to throw around.” MundanePlanet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It sounds like she really kicked things up to such a notch that everyone was concerned for her and wanted you to give in to keep the peace.
It sounds like she was quite unhinged over this stuffed animal.
I’m sorry that this is how it has panned out and people are putting this on you (because you are/were the more reasonable one in the situation).
This stuff happens. However, you do not reward thieving and lying misbehavior like this.
Clearly, she was going through something to become so attached to your stuffed animal instantly. I’m not sure what was going on with her, but to your friends that say give in, it’s clearly because they don’t like confrontations. Confrontations and standing up for ourselves are part of life.
It is your property and you do with it what you will and that means, in this case, defending it.” User
2. AITJ For Stopping My Daughter From Studying?
“I have a daughter (16) who is unlike any teenager I’ve ever seen. The problem is she is extremely rude. I’ve tried many things to fix this but nothing works. I never had these problems with my other kids. With them, I could just say no electronics for a week or ground them or something like that and it would be enough but not for her.
She doesn’t care if I take away her electronics she just picks up a few novels and starts reading them. She will actually be glad if I ground her and use it as an excuse to avoid all our family gatherings like ‘oh we are going to aunty’s home tonight?
I wish I could come but I’m grounded’ and then happily go to her room.
The only thing that she likes is studying. Like she will spend hours studying. Last night when she was talking to her mom she was being rude and very sarcastic and as my last option, I told her that she is not allowed to study until I decide she has learned how to talk to her mom.
She started to yell at us and called me a jerk and said it was not fair. Then she called my brother who called us and told us we are jerks for not allowing her to study but she gave us no other choice.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and your daughter’s attitude issues aside, you have no idea how rare your daughter is.
You have a kid who shrugs at her electronics being taken away, and happily picks up novels in their stead? She enjoys studying and will spend hours at it without prompting.
Did we step through time into some pre-Internet wormhole where kids actively pursued and actually enjoyed reading things other than screens?
It must have crossed your mind that your daughter could simply be neurodivergent or in need of therapy, and her perceived rudeness may be greatly tempered through feeling like her family is actively trying to understand and embrace what makes her unique, rather than punish her for not falling in line (and expectations) with your other kids.” Sireyn
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If she doesn’t want to be social and is rude when she is, let her keep her distance. She’s old enough to stay home.
But I’d also consider checking in with a doctor. Loving to learn is a superpower and absolutely should be encouraged regardless of her other behaviors, but could the hyperfocus be a sign of something non-neurotypical going on?
A specialist could help with the downsides if so. I wouldn’t care about my child’s rudeness from my own ego perspective, but life is hard if you don’t know how to get along with others no matter how smart you are once you get to a place where everyone is as smart as you are.” hyoi2
Another User Comments:
“Yeah. YTJ
Punish her in a way that is related to her offense. If she’s being rude, then send her off to volunteer/do customer service-type work so she learns that talking to people rudely feels like crap.
Punishing her by restricting her ability to do studying is just a power move.
It’s not going to teach her how to be more respectful toward people. It’s just going make her think you want to control her and you’re willing to put her schooling at risk to make a point.” bearbear407
1. AITJ For Stopping A Neighbor From Parking In Front Of My House?
“Neighbor’s kid parked his SUV in front of our house 7 days ago. No biggie. They have a 4-car driveway, and a spot outside of their house, but why worry? 3 days later, I knock on their door to ask if they could move it the next morning (for 2-3 hours), as I was going to trim the trees, and power wash the drive and sidewalk.
They told me ‘No, you can park anywhere you want on public ways.’ (In our neighborhood, with no HOA, at least.) Decided to call non-emergency police. It checks out, and they’re right.
After a few calls of being told this over the week, I called again.
Instead of making a complaint, I pretended that I was going out of town, and wanted to make sure I could legally leave one of my vehicles in front of my neighbor’s place for a few weeks. They said ‘As long as it’s parked legally, and up to code, no flat tires, or expired tags’.
Tags expired. I told them the real story and asked to have it escalated. Police are on their way now. Only took about 6 calls, and tricking them to tell me the full rules. (They left out those requirements when they dismissed my initial calls).”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Your neighbors are jerks for not moving the car when you asked nicely.
You are a jerk for going nuclear on them for something that’s not really causing you any harm. Unless they’re parked in front of your driveway, which would be a legitimate reason to call the cops, I don’t see how them being parked in front of your house is preventing you from power washing your driveway.
Tree trimming I can maybe understand, but does that need to be done right now, or are you just inventing chores to force their hand?
I think there’s some deeper feud going on here like you did something to annoy them, so they parked in front of your house because they knew it would annoy you, and now you’ve re-escalated the situation.
Some people just have bad neighbors, but why do you have to go out of your way to make it worse?” peony_chalk
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you went and asked them to move for 2-3 hours politely for multiple days in a row to do maintenance on your property without damaging the vehicle.
If they don’t want to be neighborly why should you? Yes, you don’t own the street, but anyone would be irritated by this especially if you are trying to schedule for outside contractors to come in. Good for you if people want to be jerks maybe they should learn a hard lesson on what that feels like too.
I’m tired of people not having courtesy and being neighborly, only looking out for themselves. To be fair did you do the same thing? Yes absolutely. But I wonder if you left your car in front of their house with an empty driveway for days on end, how they might feel?
Also if you damaged the vehicle I guarantee you they would hold you to task for it.” Bizzybody2020
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
They have space in their driveway as well as in front of their house and don’t need to use the spot in front of your house, especially to leave it there for a long time.
It’s a bit annoying probably.
As for your level of frustration, I could understand reasonably being angry if they are blocking a mailbox or your driveway, but neither of those was mentioned. Calling the police multiple times to find a reason for them to have to move it is a bit much.
If you want to be petty, park in front of their house until they move their car from in front of yours. That would be better than involving the police. Either way though, you’re escalating a situation that was really a non-issue.” notURavgN3rdGrl
