People Feel Like Clowns In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
22. AITJ For Wanting To Spend Mother's Day With My Husband And Kids Instead Of His Family?
“I (24F) and my husband (28M) have been together for a little over 4 and a half years.
A little background on me and my husband. We met when I was 18 and he was 22. We were in a relationship for a while. I got to meet his family. My husband wasn’t very close to his family. After moving in I noticed he and his mother would barely talk whenever she came over the weekends (we rented the back of the house that was sectioned off from the main house.) They would come every weekend and my husband wouldn’t talk to them as much especially his mother.
Once we found out I was pregnant we were very excited. As well as his family. We used to do everything together. After giving birth to my first daughter my husband and his mother slowly talked more. It used to be weekly.
As time went on it was almost if not daily. (I have no issues with) The first year of motherhood he would spend time with me on Mother’s Day. But as the years went on, he would want to spend Mother’s Day with his family.
Which I didn’t mind. Almost every holiday went from us to everyone which was ok. But this year I wanted to spend Mother’s Day with him and the kids (4F, 3F, and 1M) He got upset with me and said he wanted to do the usual and take his family out (mainly his mom) for Mother’s Day.
I understand but one year I wanted my husband to spend time with just me and the kids. But instead of him agreeing he said if I didn’t want to go then he’ll go. Which I still argued back that it wasn’t fair that he gave his mom, and sister everything like a gift or something nice while I got nothing not even a happy Mother’s Day.
So, I got very upset and said some not-nice things as did he. His excuse for the gifts was that she had done so much for us. (Not really a true excuse). He then just left to go take out his family while I was home taking care of all my kids like a daily task.
Me and the kids baked a little then they went down for a nap. I went into the bathroom and cried. He didn’t get home until 7:00 PM. He wanted to make today up by taking me to any restaurant of my choice but was home too late.
So, we agreed on tomorrow. I still am very upset and said some not nice things again due to the late arrival, and me not being able to have a nice Mother’s Day. AITJ for getting upset that he went to take out his family instead of spending Mother’s Day with me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – when you marry your spouse should be priority–then your kids and then your parents and siblings. It would be interesting to know WHAT he did all that time at his mother’s. There could be a million and one reasons why he suddenly felt the need to put her first, so is he making up for lost time?
Is there a health reason he wants to spend time there? Are there issues where he feels differently about his home? Time to do some exploration and find out what’s in his heart.” ptazdba
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for being upset.
I suggest to do your own Mother’s Day celebrations going forward and buy yourself the gift that you deserve. And for Father’s Day, take a spa day for yourself and let him wrangle his kids. Don’t celebrate or give gifts if he won’t do the same for you.
A lot of people never learn how crappy their actions are until they are treated the same way that they treat others. ” asecretnarwhal
21. AITJ For Not Paying For My Sister's College Expenses Anymore?
“Firstly, I am a guy.
My sister wants me to cover her college expenses. I have two kids and a family to take care of, but I feel guilty. After talking to her, she’s home for the summer now. I realized how little she has, like 50 dollars is what covers her hygiene products and school materials.
And she feels excluded from experiences and she just wanted to experience a fun night with her friends without worrying about money and I think that’s pretty valid. I think we both overreacted. Anyway, my sister and I talked about finance.
I explained to her where my money goes and also made it clear that I think we should get a loan for what she has to pay next year. This is not to punish her but I chatted with someone on here and I realized how dangerous it was for me to have nothing saved up.
I used all my savings on her tuition so I am just not in the best position to give right now. I can’t be living paycheck to paycheck when I am a guardian of 2 other people, you know. I am gonna ask a family member first if they can loan it to us but if not we will just have to do it the official way.
But I do believe that she is gonna receive a refund next semester but we still have to think of living accommodations and groceries. She’s gonna work this summer. (She said she couldn’t work in school because of her schedule and how spread out her classes are.) I also called my friend who’s a graduate to talk to my sister about school resources because I don’t know much about that stuff.
As for me, I am doing okay, I was gonna do a CNA program because it’s free but I think I am gonna save for an EMT program instead, I don’t think the pay is much different from what I am doing now but I assume that for a job like that there are benefits like insurance plus it’s more noble I guess.
Kind of scared because I wasn’t the smartest in school but the only requirement was a diploma.”
Another User Comments:
“I’m glad things are good between you and your sister. My son attended university in another state, he worked the whole time.
That was something he had to take into account when he made his schedule. It’s not impossible, but takes some forethought and good communication with the employer. Restaurants and other service industries are used to working around school schedules that change every few months.
You said “we” should get a loan. You have 2 other children to raise, I think it would be unwise to be on a loan for your sister’s education. If she doesn’t pay, you will have an even bigger burden and may be unable to assist the others.
At some point, I hope your situation changes and you can have your own life. What you are doing is noble, but you also deserve a life.” minimalist_coach
Another User Comments:
“But who is gonna take care of you? It must be nice to be like your sister and have this kind of problem, as she only wants “to have one free night with her friends” when you support your siblings, have to work and sacrifice your life and prospects.
Honestly, it sounds like you are not appreciated, your sister should just work and she can take her loans as you have to think of your other siblings (at this point they are your children) and if the other two are as entitled as the oldest (19) it’s going to be a tough ride.
She is already 19 she is not 4, she can look for loans and you should start charging her rent if you have taken care of her since she was 14 it’s the bare minimum she can do” Defiant-Kick-3593
20. AITJ For Blowing Up At My Sister For Stealing A Sentimental Item After Our Father's Death?
“I (22f) have a sister (won’t say age but younger although old enough to know better “over 16”).
My entire life with my sister has been a pain. The only memories I have with her are having everything stolen from me and being treated like garbage. My birth giver has never stepped up and disciplined her when she had done something wrong.
My father was very distant in every way so he never really dealt with it either.
I didn’t have a relationship with my dad for a long time because he was so distant and a closed-minded person in my early years so it was hard to talk to him.
I’ve had money stolen from me, clothes, jewelry, art supplies, you think of it- she’s stolen it. Even when I had moved back with my dad after couch surfing for a few years she had continued to steal from me. My mother wasn’t in the picture at this point as she had kicked me out years prior and my father worked FIFO so it was just me and my two siblings.
During this time I struggled with mental health out of anxiety of all my life belongings I had left being taken. moved out secretly and quickly to a new place to get away from her because I just couldn’t stand her anymore.
My father passed away recently which created many more issues that continue to happen.
I went to stay with a family member with my siblings during all the funeral arrangements etc and I had made something using his floral arrangement that sat on his casket.
I left it out to dry in the room I was staying in and low and behold. Poof, gone. I was livid!!!! I ended up speaking to the family member there and nothing was dealt with so I packed my stuff and I left because I was ready to be the next one in a casket.
I got called dramatic and I needed to go to anger management classes because I blew up big time over the constant year after year of having my things stolen, especially such a meaningful piece. I was told I needed to pull my head out of the gutter and stop being so upset over nothing almost like my father didn’t recently die as well to add to my emotions.
I was treated like I was a problem with a problem I caused myself.
So am I the jerk for flipping out over this? I haven’t spoken to any family members since besides the ones that show me respect and compassion.”
Another User Comments:
“You know your sister is not a good person for some reason. This is just the last straw. Blowing up at her doesn’t affect her in the least. Limit your contact with her. Expect her to steal. She does not care.
NTJ.” Accomplished_Two1611
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your sister sucks- sorry to say. I’d have been livid as well. If it were me, I would demand the floral arrangement back and go no contact. Honestly, I’d go with no contact either way.
She probably won’t give back anything she’s taken at this point since there are no consequences for her.” Unfair_Rain
19. AITJ For Hitting Back At My Friend's Disrespect Towards My Fiancé?
“I’m 26M and I’ve been with my fiancé “Ashley” (25F) for 4 years. Our wedding is next month so we’re just finalizing things at this point.
I’ve been friends with my friend group for a while now, some since high school, and others since college. We meet up all together usually once a month just to get together and catch up which generally turns into pretty late nights.
One of my closest friends “Alex” (27M) was in attendance tonight which is a rare occasion due to him traveling frequently for work. He and Ashley don’t particularly care for one another but never have had any large altercations until tonight.
We were at one of our local, just hanging out and Ashley and I were just getting ready to say our goodbyes. We had all had a few drinks in the time that we had been there. We usually stay out with everyone but Ashley and I have an appointment at the bridal shop at 10 am and with the florist at 11:30 and a few other errands for the day so we didn’t want to be out super late.
Alex and a few others were going to go to a club after the Biergarten and they invited us out with them but Ashley politely declined. Alex said “Who asked you? Let the man speak for himself.” I then told Alex not to speak to Ashley that way and that we wouldn’t be coming out due to our busy day tomorrow.
We started to get our things together and leave and Alex said “Stop being a coward. She’s had you by the balls since you guys started seeing each other. I’m starting to think she’s the man in the relationship.”
After that, I let him have it. His ex-partner “Amy” of 3 years was unfaithful with his brother and his former roommate and I said “Maybe if you had been “the man” in your relationship, Amy wouldn’t have felt the need to be with other men.
I’m not gonna sit here and allow you to speak to my fiancé and me this way.” That set him off. He started to berate me for the low blow and told me that what I said was messed up.
A few of our friends also said that what I said wasn’t cool. At the moment, I didn’t care. I just didn’t appreciate him being so disrespectful towards us. We ended up leaving after the fact.
Looking back, I feel bad for talking about it because that situation put him at one of his lowest points in life.
I’ve reached out to a few of the more “neutral” friends who said we were both wrong but I got too personal but I don’t feel like I did. I care about Alex but I refuse to allow anyone to speak to myself or my fiancé the way that he did.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He sounds toxic, the fact that he’s trying to blame your partner for your choices and be mean just because you don’t want to go out and party says a lot. I’ve been on the other side of that, getting blamed for my then-partner “becoming boring” after we started seeing each other.
They just couldn’t believe that he would rather come home with me and chill, instead of partying with them all night, so it had to be me ordering him. What was I supposed to do?? Refusing him to leave with me, to prove them wrong?
It’s so tiring, annoying, and sexist, that I don’t blame you for losing your cool OP. But it was a low blow, and I think you should apologize for going too far, but also make it clear to him that he shouldn’t blame your GF for your choices, and that he is not the person deciding whether you stay out or not” piqueboo369
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here but I was torn between Everyone’s a jerk here and NTJ. I think your final paragraph sums it up. Alex is a jerk, no question there. You’re not wrong to stand up for yourself and your fiancée, but maybe took it too far considering that was one of the “lowest points in his life” and you feel guilty I’m guessing because deep down you know you went too far.
Honestly you need to rethink your friendship with Alex. He doesn’t seem like a good friend, and even if you were to apologize for the low blow, that doesn’t change what he said.” SleepLess7650
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He was deliberately trying to hurt you and then felt upset because you returned the favor?
Bullies like that love to dish it out but are horrified when someone hits back. First, he isn’t your friend, and it’s time to stop “caring” about Alex. Secondly, your friends who want you to keep things unruffled while someone mistreats you aren’t friends, either.
You did exactly what you are supposed to do in your kind of relationship. You had your partner’s back, and you did it with strength. I hope you won’t allow Alex to attend the wedding.” Fredsundertheblanket
18. AITJ For Arranging My Own Accommodation When My Parents Went Out Of Town?
“My parents are going out of town for a few days (4) next month.
They don’t want me (15m) home alone for 4 days. So they decided to ask their kids (moms are 28, 26, and 24) (dads are 24 and 23) if any of them would want to come stay for a few days or if they’d let me stay with one of them.
Answers were slow coming in and I wasn’t surprised when I heard my parents say none seemed willing.
I’m not close to any of my half-siblings. I’d say I don’t have any relationship with them. I don’t ever see them, they never talk to me, we’re not social media friends, we don’t text, and they don’t send a card or anything for my birthday.
I maybe see them at Christmas but it’s not like they spend any time with me. I never felt like I had siblings. It always felt like I lived with two sibling sets and then I was an only child. I say half-siblings because I’m trying to be respectful to my parents who love their kids but also not making it seem like we’re all super close and “just siblings”.
After all, I have a different parent from each of them and it matters a lot to them if cousins are right and they always saw me as the kid their living parent had after they lost their other parent.
My parents weren’t getting anywhere and I asked my best friend’s parents if they’d mind me staying for four days.
They didn’t. I told them my parents didn’t know yet but I didn’t think the people they were asking would agree. They know the deal by now. So I told my parents and they were annoyed I asked my friend’s parents instead of waiting for my half-siblings.
I told them it seemed like a good idea to have a backup plan in place for when they all say no. My parents said I don’t know that they’ll all say no. A few days went by and still no answer from two of them and my parents asked why I appeared to want them to say no. I said it wasn’t that, I just expected it.
They told me it was difficult enough to know I wish for a sibling (something I didn’t know they heard me say and it was a couple of years ago and said to my friend) when I have five of them but to know I have such low expectations.
I said it’s my reality and it’s one they can ignore if they want to. But I don’t feel like a sibling to them and I know they don’t consider me a real sibling, any of them.
My parents told me I still went behind their back and it was wrong and showed such a lack of trust and faith.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I lived on my own at my job the summer I was 15, and got my apartment at 16. Do you feel you need to stay with someone? I feel your parents are a) making this unnecessarily complicated and b) should be doing more to blend their families.
I think they’ve given you reasons to not have trust and faith in them. If you don’t trust them, that’s on them, not you” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re 15, which is old enough for you to go out and at least enjoy yourself for a bit.
Your parents seem like they’re actively trying to shelter you and are mad you’re rejecting that in favor of having an actual childhood. I can only imagine how your half-siblings felt at possibly being treated similarly, only to then get this request from your parents.
Can’t blame them for ghosting/saying no. All of this is on your parents which they seem to be too stuck in their heads to admit.” daniell321
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It’s not lack of trust and faith, it’s years of experience and indifference that taught you that they’re not interested in a relationship with you.
I find it so annoying that parents keep being angry or frustrated with the kid being ostracized and not the grown adults, that are bullying this kid! This is the second post I saw where this was the case and the parents are so upset that the kid is just tired of being disappointed and accepting reality.
It’s not a crime to protect yourself from hurt. And the saddest part is this isn’t even about the kid, this about their kid making it known that their ‘Brady Bunch ‘ image is a fantasy.” Vegetable-Cod-2340
17. AITJ For Being Livid At My Wife For Acknowledging Bogus Debt?
“My city has a pretty nasty collections company that has a long history of trying to collect debts that people don’t owe.
In my first exchange with them, they lied about being a debt collector. When they sued me, I went to court with all my documents and they had to admit that some of the documents they had brought were made up a few days before the court date when my documents proved that they didn’t exist before.
The case was thrown out.
Fast forward a few years, they tried to collect on a bill for me being admitted into the hospital. When I told them I had never been hospitalized in my life and that they needed to provide proof of debt ownership, they stopped calling.
A few months back, they got on my wife’s case and she just ignored it. I found out when I got a notice that they were seeking garnishment of my wages. I was upset that she had not told me about it.
I got on the phone and sent certified letters denying the debt and asking for proof of ownership. They stopped calling me.
Today, my wife gets a call. I explained to my wife that they weren’t allowed to call us until they provided the proof of debt and that if they called to just hang up or ask them to provide the location of the proof.
Today at work, my wife called me and said she got a call from them and set up a payment plan because we owe 10k…. they never provided proof but by her acknowledging ownership of the debt, they now have no legal requirements and we are basically in trouble.
She is a stay-at-home wife after begging me for months to be able to stay home. This means she messed up and now we owe 10k that I will end up having to work for. She doesn’t understand why I’m mad and that I should be proud of her for taking responsibility for her debt.
_____
I am livid. If we owed 10k, I would pay it but this company is the definition of corruption and I’m 99% sure the debt is bogus as I’m very organized and make sure our bills are paid. Plus, the fact they didn’t contact us at all for 6 or 7 months after I requested proof of debt says everything you need to know about it.
My wife and I had many long conversations about how they needed to provide proof of the debt and that she should let me know if they called because any contact without that proof is a violation of the law.
Instead, she completely ignored everything I said.
So, am I the jerk for being so livid with her?”
Another User Comments:
“Are you in the US? Your wife agreeing to random stuff on the phone without actually signing anything is very, very unlikely to put you on the hook.
Also, if it does, you can refuse to pay a debt you don’t owe no matter what you tell them. I’m guessing you owe this debt, and you are dodging service because it’s been picked up by collection agencies who purchased the debt from the original creditor.
The real jerk is capitalism. But YTJ for blaming your wife for not understanding that you are playing games to dodge a debt that is a legit amount of money you owe someone.” tinyahjumma
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, probably. But, it depends on how “livid” you are, how long you are, and how much you explained what she needed to do and why.
If you only told her once and didn’t go into detail about what the calls might be like, then yeah . . . you would be the jerk. As someone who would be very upset with my spouse for this, personally, I feel I am only entitled to be upset beyond the initial reaction if I am certain that I fully explained exactly what they needed to do, why/consequences, and laid out what the potential callers would likely say.
If I only went over it once, generally, then I would consider myself a jerk, not them. I doubt she wanted to give money to fraudsters.” DNAdler0001000
Another User Comments:
“I get bogus text messages for debts I don’t owe fairly often.
I too have had the doctor/hospital bill threat – when I haven’t been hospitalized for 20 years and haven’t seen a doctor in 4 years. I delete and block all of them, and I’ve never had a single piece of paper arrive as any sort of follow-up or further threat.
They just keep repeating the same ones with a different name & scammy phone number. At my age now, I just flat ignore it all.” Gatodeluna
16. AITJ For Refusing To Switch Seats With My Autistic Brother At The Dinner Table?
“My brother (19M), my parents, and I (26F) currently live together (culturally and economically we can’t move out but I work a full-time job as an engineer and he studies full-time).
My brother and I never got along, there’s the big age difference but also he was always treated better especially because he’s a boy and the baby and my parents are very sexist so I was forced to grow up early and become my mum’s helper, which made resentment grow in me.
My brother was recently diagnosed with very mild autism and has made it his mission to use that diagnosis to get special treatment; up until this point he’s never needed any special considerations or needed any kind of aid with anything, but since the diagnosis, he’s suddenly needed to be picked up from university because he doesn’t like the bus and can’t drive, he needs special drinking glasses because they feel different or he needs special coffee making supplies because it makes his coffee taste better.
Recently he’s told my mum he hates the sounds my dad makes when he eats so he wants to switch seats with me at the table, the way the table is set up you need to move a chair to get into my brother’s seat and you’re trapped so it’s very uncomfortable to sit there, but on my seat, you’re next to the counter so you get asked to pass the salt, pass a fork, pass the napkins, etc a lot, I ended up on that seat because I’m used to being the helper and setting the table so I never complained about it, but I’m also very independent and like that, I can just get up and get what I want without having to ask anyone for help.
So, when my mum told me to switch, she said she wanted me to do it as a favor and that at 26 I should have the maturity to do this and that she wasn’t making me switch if I didn’t want to, but I don’t want to inconvenience myself over a made up problem that has never been a problem until now, and I also don’t believe everyone around you has to compromise because you’re autistic (again, my brother’s case is so mild the psychiatrist was even questioning if he should diagnose him at all), my parents are raising a brat and they know it.
I didn’t tell her all that though, only told her I didn’t want to and she said I was selfish and “good luck asking for anything later on” which annoyed me because she said she wasn’t making me do this but now she’s giving me consequences because I didn’t.
So I ask, am I the jerk in this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Are you sure you can’t move out or are you just being cheap? It’s not about the chair. It’s that you have to navigate something like this at 26 years old.
Frankly, it’s a bit embarrassing that you have to argue with your mother over a chair in her house (because it’s not yours).” BeeJackson
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But this business isn’t about the chair, is it? It’s about your brother being spoiled by your parents, and you ending up always being the one who has to give up whatever you have, so he can have it.
OP, you do need to move out of your parent’s home and get your place. That’s the only thing that will ever result in you not being the one on the spot for your brother. It does sound like he is taking advantage of his diagnosis to get your parents to give him whatever he wants.
Watching this happen can’t be fun for you; it might not be fun for your parents, either, but they are the ones who are giving him what he wants, to your detriment. It’s probably past time for you to cut yourself loose.” TabbieAbbie
15. AITJ For Not Visiting My Hospitalized Mother-In-Law While Juggling Newborn Care And Work?
“My mother-in-law had surgery 4 days ago. It was a routine outpatient surgery. The surgery went according to plan with no complications, and her doctor says she is recovering well. However, she has chosen to stay at the hospital since her surgery and is now moving to a rehab center tomorrow.
She hasn’t given me her room number or hardly any updates. I ask her questions and how she is feeling just to get 2-word responses back. Her husband (my father-in-law) is out of state on a work trip near family for 3 weeks.
My sister-in-law and nephew decided to go as well. They knew about the surgery long before planning the trip, as well as missing Mother’s Day. Before they left my sister-in-law made it very clear in a rude manner that I needed to include my mother-in-law in our Mother’s Day plans.
There has been a lot of jealousy since my baby was born because of my very close relationship with my family. By her comment, I assumed that she assumed I would forget about her. I would never. Also, my husband is a grown adult who is capable of making plans with his family as well.
My sister-in-law and her son normally spend all day every day with my mother-in-law while she is in the hospital. She does not work and has no bills to pay because she relies on her parents (my in-laws). In the last couple of years, she’s had a load of health problems and several surgeries.
After each one, she chooses to stay for at least a couple of days even though her doctors say she is okay to go home. To go home. I gave birth 2 months ago to our first baby girl. I went back to work at 1 month postpartum due to needing the income.
My husband is currently away on a work trip (this is his first trip since going back to work after having the baby), leaving me with all house chores (we are currently behind on laundry, vacuuming, etc. because we have a newborn).
Plus taking care of a newborn, lack of sleep, exclusively pumping, washing bottles, freezing milk daily ( I have a massive oversupply), and laundry constantly, it’s a lot. I have also been trying to catch up on household chores since having the baby.
I love every moment but this week in particular has been hard with my husband gone. So, AITJ for not going and spending all day at the hospital with her when I don’t have the time or energy plus not wanting to expose my newborn to illnesses at the hospital?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’re communicating with her, and she’s able to choose if she wants to stay or leave. I feel like if she wanted you to visit, she’d have said something. Also, it doesn’t seem like you’d even have the time to visit her.
But maybe you could try and invite her over to your place for a day so she’s not alone, maybe she could help out with the baby while you rest or work. However I am curious about why she’s being admitted to a rehab center.
Is it for her surgery?” Circuit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. SIL goes to the hospital all day every day because that’s how she “earns” her freeloader status at home. MIL chooses to overstay at the hospital because she either loves medical attention or she’s avoiding the chaos of home.
If MIL wanted constant visitors, she should not have scheduled her surgery when her husband and kids were all out of town. If I were you, I’d give MIL a call while you’re making dinner or doing laundry and just check in and say, “I’d love to visit you, but it’s been hard with working and also taking care of baby and home solo while husband is out of town.” Then make some sort of joke about how everyone left BOTH of you behind to establish you’re on the same side of things.
Then go on with your life and don’t worry about how SIL is going to react to this, she has no right to offload her ONE job (appeasing mom) on you so she can take a vacation from her non-working life.” JeepersCreepers74
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Does your MIL have anyone? Both of her children are out of town when she has surgery, a surgery that is normally outpatient but that doesn’t mean she can take care of herself at home alone immediately afterward.
It sounds like she doesn’t expect you to look after her and has had to make arrangements to stay in a rehab facility since she has no one to help her at home. Sad.” NanaLeonie
14. AITJ For Going On A Family-Only Vacation Without My Partner?
“I (M26) have been seeing my current partner (F23) for about 2 years now in August. She and I travel a lot together and we love to spend time together like that.
Last year she came with me to Key West with my family and then she and I went to California and Kentucky a couple of months later.
Recently I was given a promotion and part of that was about 10 months working at their headquarters and living in a hotel.
From that, a lot of family drama has unraveled. My Aunt has Stage 4 Multiple Myeloma and just recently I lost a Grandmother while the other has Dementia. All of this I have taken off work or spent weekends visiting or helping them in any capacity.
One being taking my Aunt up home for holidays since I was an hr from her house.
January into February my mom mentioned over the phone that if my partner and I were interested in going on vacation to Mexico. It would be my parents plus another couple of extended family (they would be about 8-10 approx).
And I said no due to not being able to afford it. It’s at an all-inclusive resort and I’m saving for an apartment plus expenses. A couple of weeks later while my partner visited me over the phone again my mom said “I would like to take you and your brother and just have it a family vacation because of what has been going on”.
Mind you my aunt’s partner of 22 years broke up with her during her rounds of chemo and my parents drove 5 hrs round trip to see her.
My partner of course was upset and I felt and still feel bad. I had a bad panic attack episode because I was accepting my Aunt could die at any given moment before this call.
My partner states “I understand it’s a family trip but I’m upset other people we know are going”. I commented, “I understand but appreciate that myself and my family are going through a lot and we need a week just to ourselves.
The past year we haven’t lived our lives because of family member’s health.”
There’s a couple my parents know and one I work for the same bank with. Her husband’s family is attending.
Yes, we need time apart sometimes but she’s going to Atlantic City with her mom for a week.
I even offered and paid for a hotel with points I earned from my previous stay. I also booked a long weekend (thank god for hotel points I racked up a million from Hilton) in AC for our 2 years.
AITJ for going, should have I not felt bad at that moment?
Is she the jerk for being upset?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and your partner are being very selfish. It’s fine for you to go on family trips for any reason, especially since it’s not like you’re excluding your wife and kids.
But your family is going through a lot and this will be a good bonding experience. And it doesn’t matter that people are going that she also knows. Your mom probably wants people there that she is close to and it’s not a slight to your partner.
She needs to engage her empathy here.” friendlily
Another User Comments:
“NTJ due to health issues your family wants a bonding experience. You raised money as a reason not to go. I don’t blame your mom for deciding to pay for her kids because this matters to her.
That doesn’t mean she has funds or wants to use her funds to cover everyone. Life is not about your partner only – you were both invited but chose not to due to money. So they repurposed the trip. She can choose (and should) to be compassionate in the circumstances.
You 100% should go. If your family is ok for her to go at her own cost – great. If not, you still go. Your partner is being ridiculous.” Kami_Sang
13. AITJ For Organizing An Alternative Graduation Dinner Against School's Overpriced Plan?
“The school planned for us (without asking or anything) the graduation dinner & night at school for a not-so-cheap price of 60 euros per person.
These 60 euros are for a mediocre dinner AT SCHOOL, with catering & service. Nonetheless, a good amount of my classmates and I, disagree with this, as
1. We never got a choice of how we want to spend our money; so even if the catering and all is worth the 60 bucks, we never asked for a middleman to plan it for us.
2. When we asked the vice principal about an alternative to the dinner, she said to go home.
3. There are plenty of restaurants with better vibe, food & atmosphere.
Because of this, I took it as my responsibility as a student to provide both me and my classmates with a better, more worthy alternative, And messaged everyone in my class who I knew disagreed with the dinner individually & added them to a group chat.
I chose to do this to not stir drama in the main group chat for our class as I know that there are a few select people who strongly disagree with me. Anywho, I now have this group chat with 23/29 members of my class and we already started looking at restaurants and stuff.
I also planned to use some money that we saved up throughout the year to pay for a bus to get us from school to the fancy restaurant we’d choose. I plan that the day that the school sends an official email asking who is going to the dinner at school I’d send a poll in the whole class group chat asking who is gonna go, this way, everyone who was in the GC I made would vote no, and the remaining 7 would go with us as well.
Before that I also have a plan to use all this organizing as leverage to negotiate a lowering in price with the school, getting the message across that if they don’t lower the price, no one will go, in a last attempt to not go directly against them.
I told all of this to my mom, and she strongly disagrees, as she thinks that I should be more grateful for the school and the teacher and that I have no right to tell people where they should go. She told me I have a huge ego and asked me who I think I am for trying something like this, and that I am using people.
All I wanted to do was create a better alternative for my classmates and me, and bring them together, albeit not at school, as some of them were gonna go with their families to different places anyway.
Am I in the wrong?”
Another User Comments:
” NTJ. You’re taking the initiative to offer an alternative that many of your classmates seem to prefer. Your approach has been considerate by consulting individually and organizing discreetly to avoid unnecessary drama. Given that the majority of your class supports the alternative plan, it’s reasonable to proceed. Your actions demonstrate leadership and concern for your peers’ preferences, especially since the school didn’t consult you about the original plan.
Your mom’s perspective on gratitude is understandable, but providing a better experience for your classmates doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful; it shows you’re proactive and considerate.” Milfielovesu
Another User Comments:
“NTJ This is an impressive level of organization and initiative. You’re not making anyone go anywhere, you’re simply offering an alternative.
People can go to whatever dinner they want to. Frankly, if the administration hadn’t dismissed you then you could have worked together to plan an amazing evening. As it stands, I wouldn’t want to pay 60 euros for a mediocre dinner either.” salukiqueen
Another User Comments:
“These days for schools there are issues around health and safety, as well as responsibility that yes, are way over the top, but it is what it is. If a large group of graduating teens go out to a restaurant and get rowdy, are they still representing the school?
If someone gets tipsy and gets a DUI, that is the fault of whom….? From the schools perspective, it is better for them the arrange something at school. Well done for your organization….but you’re acting like this is some massive battle and the pinnacle of subterfuge when it’s not.” chazza79
12. AITJ For Not Wanting To Travel To Australia To Help My Mom Move Back To The US?
“My mom (60) is asking me (29F) to drop everything and go to AUS to help her mentally and physically prepare to move back.
For a bit of back story….. my mom moved to Australia in 2011 when she remarried, and as a minor (17) I had no choice but to go with her. When I was 23 I moved back to the US to live the life I wanted for myself.
I wanted to be in the comfort of the country I grew up in with the friends and family I knew. She was brokenhearted that I left her “alone” in a different country, but I expressed that I never wanted to move but had no legal choice in the matter because of my age and lack of father (deceased).
Fast forward to last year: My step-father was diagnosed with cancer and died pretty soon after. Since his death his two sons, sister, and the rest of his family have been playing games with my mom, taking her to court over the money, and pretty much just being vultures with his stuff.
They would call her/show up unannounced, harass her on social media to the point of the cops getting involved, and take her dog and won’t give him back.
My side of this is that I
A) have severe anxiety and do not travel well (especially on a 17-hour flight)
B) can’t afford to take off work
and C) did not choose to move to a different country for any reason and shouldn’t be expected to help move.
I’ve spoken to my mom about this because she gave me money for a ticket for a future date that I tried to give back to her.
I told her that I couldn’t take as much time off work as she was expecting and that I didn’t travel well anymore because my anxiety had gotten much worse and had evolved into full-blown panic attacks on flights as short as 2 hours or vomiting before a drive into the city.
She said something along the lines of “if you can only take a week then you may as well not even come because that’s not enough time.” so I thought I was in the clear as we left it at that.
I assume she’s forgotten that conversation because two days ago she said “Can you look at the price of tickets for a month from the tenth because I need you”.
Now I don’t know what to do because I don’t want to have this conversation again because I just got a guilt trip the first time and I’m not good with confrontation.
I don’t want to feel bad about my choice to not help my mom, but I feel like it’s asking a lot. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I feel sorry for your mother for losing her spouse and having to deal with the harassment of the in-laws.
What kind of support is she looking for from you? If mental support then video/phone calls can be held easily without the need to travel. To help confront the in-laws harassing her, I would suggest she rely on professionals (Police, lawyers) for that.” Difficult-Egg-9954
Another User Comments:
“Ntj if you can’t get off of work, you can’t get off of work. You offered a week, and she said don’t bother. She needs to get a lawyer and get a plane ticket. What exactly is stopping her from moving back?
Finances? The will? How will you be able to help with that?” No-Locksmith-8590
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You already had to figure it out for yourself as a young person because of her choices. Unless she has some sort of severe medical issues, she’s still young enough to sell her stuff or box it up and ship it overseas.
If she can’t physically do it, she’d probably need to hire help anyway. Surely she has some friends there who could help without triggering your anxiety. I’m sorry to say this and hope it’s the grief but she sounds kind of selfish and uncaring of what this would do to you.
Offer to help in any way she needs on your end but let her figure out what to do in Australia. Sixty is still plenty young enough to do that unless she has health problems.” PsychologicalGain757
11. AITJ For Leaving A Group Meal Because My Ex Brought Their New Partner?
“So I (M19) have been volunteering at a care club near my local town, a club I used to be a part of. During my time there, I managed to find a few friends and often after the sessions were over, we would go out for a meal as a group.
Soon enough, I would fall into a relationship with one of those friends and we would end up being together for a couple of months, everything was going well. But then around Easter, this friend ended things by engaging with another person, and telling me we were not compatible.
I was devastated by this but resigned myself to being civil with my former partner, being kind and often checking in like I do with my other mates.
But recently things had gotten worse as around two weeks ago, during a quiz that the club was running, my former partner decided to bring their new partner to that quiz, despite knowing that my family was going to be there and even though I kept a solid face, it tore me up inside as despite everything I still cared for my former partner.
Things began to fall apart, especially as one of the other friends within the group began to fall out with my former partner and another friend. Ultimately the group was beginning to split in two, which my former partner’s friend didn’t want to happen.
So we arrived at the most recent club session and things were going well, until I heard my former partner and the friend speak about picking up their partner from the station, to go and have a meal with our group after the session.
Once again I felt shaken as I realized that my former partner was once again bringing their new partner to an event despite knowing I would be there, and my feelings on the matter. But I and one of my friends still decided to go as I had hoped what I had heard might’ve been related to something else, but sure enough, I was wrong.
Upon seeing the new partner and my former partner, me and the other friend decided to leave.
So AITJ? I talked with the friend who stayed and confronted me as to why I didn’t go, and while I agreed that my former partner doesn’t need permission to bring their partner to places and that I should’ve said something to them about not going, which I apologize for.
I still felt hurt that neither of them considered our feelings about the matter nor did they share what was going to happen”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. OP is free to remove themselves from an uncomfortable situation and they claim to have done so here without starting drama, but I think they need to realize that life goes on.
The former partner has moved on and is living their life, OP should do the same. It doesn’t sound like anything is being done with intent to maliciously hurt OP.” ABeerAndABook
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, but you guys barely even were together.
If I was with someone for a few months, I wouldn’t even call them my ex. They’d be a guy/girl I had a few dates with. You are pining for a relationship that lasted a couple of months and I doubt this other person views your short time together with the importance you are giving it.
Start living and enjoying your life without getting hung up on someone you only were with for a couple of months who doesn’t appear to feel any of the emotions you are feeling.” AssistantNo4330
10. AITJ For Wanting My Share Of The Inherited House Sale?
“So part of our inheritance from my grandparents was a house for my dad, my adult brother and I to share anywhere we wanted to live.
We had been sharing an apartment after I came back from college so we chose central FL. So in the spring of 2019, my grandfather gave us the funds to purchase one. Unfortunately, from being out of state and being on a time crunch of needing to be out of our apartment lease, we got tricked into buying a dud.
We ended up spending way too much time and resources over the past 4 years trying to fix and maintain the house. Quite a bit of it kept falling on me and it was draining me so this time last year I moved out of the house, into an apartment with my significant other.
My dad and brother both have expressed that they felt like I abandoned them with this house but I feel like I am finally getting to live my life. I’m in my late 30s so I couldn’t be expected to live with them forever.
Well, I didn’t know how abandoned and overwhelmed they were because the last few weeks they have been working with a realtor company who would take over fixing the house up and putting it up on the market. Without my knowledge.
Until today Dad randomly texted me that he was selling the house. I didn’t think much about it, maybe he had been arguing again with my brother and he was just annoyed. Then an hour later I got a call that they had a notary on the line and they wanted me to sign on putting the house on the market, They are planning on splitting the profit without me.
I was blown away! First off my name is on the deed so they couldn’t legally split it without me. Secondly, that house was clearly to be part of all 3 of our inheritances and even though I didn’t live there anymore I put my dues in on that house.
Sure they might have put quite a bit in the past year and could use the funds, but that doesn’t mean I don’t deserve it too. I ended up getting the contact info for the realtor company and was able to make it clear that if we were to put the house on the market I would expect my share and a notary is coming tomorrow to make it official. I know my dad and brother are probably upset about this since they will get less splitting it 3 ways but I am just as hurt that they think I don’t deserve it.
So am I the jerk for wanting my share even though I don’t live there anymore?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ The house was for you three to live in and own. You moved out because you want to live like an independent adult.
It’s fair enough that your father and brother don’t want the house anymore either but you put money and work into the house too, and it was your inheritance too. Ok, so they’ve done some work on it the past year that you’ve gone?
Great, but they also got to live there rent-free for a year longer than you lived there. I feel those things probably cancel each other out with regards to anyone feeling entitled to a larger part of the pie (let alone them completely stealing your 1/3).
Ensure you get exactly 1/3 of the total value of the house or take them to court/don’t allow the sale.” wandering_salad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You should get your share, after accounting for whatever they put in, financially, of course.
Sounds like they can’t sell without you, so you have control over all that. I would make sure you are direct and clear about the math of the split, and how the transaction should go. For example, using escrow to divvy up the funds, as agreed, and not taking some crazy cash offer where your dad gets all the money and you never see it.
Financial investments with family are challenging. Thanks for sharing this life lesson.” TopTierUsers
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Of course, you deserve your fair share of the house you all inherited together. And they don’t get to deceive you out of it because of hurt feelings that you wanted to live your life.
Fully fair would be also adjusting the profits from the sale for how much money each of you has put into trying to fix it up, paying the mortgage, etc. Adjusting for time spent on it would be tougher to do and likely to only lead to family fights.” ParsimoniousSalad
9. AITJ For Hiding My Food From My Cousin's Kids?
“I am 15F, I always disliked when my family eats my stuff, especially if it’s not for the house. As I am writing this, yesterday, my father and I went to the grocery store to go and buy my aunt some ketchup.
My father asked me if I wanted anything, remembering that my band teacher was having an end-of-year party and we could bring in food and drinks to share with other band members, I didn’t want to seem selfish or be the only person not bringing anything, so I decided to buy some brownie bites, they were small brownies inside a container for a good price.
When I returned to my aunt’s house, I put them on the counter, this is when the “my family eating my stuff” comes in, my cousin, 26F, brings her three children, 5M, 3F & 3F(they’re twins), to my aunt’s house for her mother to watch them as she’s slacking off with her partner, not doing anything really important where she can’t take care of her kids, every time they come over, they immediately EAT.
Anything edible in sight is eaten. My cousin doesn’t seem to care what they eat as long as they eat something, but what spites me is when she has them specifically eat MY stuff. I remember one time, going to a Costco, and buying muffins for my use, specifically blueberry and cornbread (as I thought nobody would eat the cornbread), I came downstairs to get a muffin, and I noticed her children eating them.
They also waste food, if you were to give them something as big as the muffins that they were eating, they wouldn’t finish it and just waste it, as that’s what happened. This angered me as I don’t like when people eat my stuff.
Traveling back to now, I come downstairs again, and I notice that the brownies were halfway full inside the container when it used to be up to the top. So what I did is I put them on the very top shelf of the cabinet to hide them so that nobody would reach them (because most people inside my family are short), which backfired. My aunt calls me downstairs and yells at me for putting them on the top shelf even though she didn’t buy them, doesn’t eat them, and doesn’t have control over what I do with them.
I practically have no choice but to let my stuff be eaten before I can even get a bite myself as I try to explain this to my cousin, but her being arrogant and not caring genuinely irritates me.
I don’t want to seem selfish or anything for not wanting people to eat my stuff, but this is genuinely killing me, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Have you asked your Dad to back you up on this? When you were in the store together he asked if YOU wanted something, so he at least seemed to understand that you were purchasing food for yourself.
It shouldn’t be too much to ask for a shelf/space that is for your food items, and people have to at least ask before taking from that shelf. Your cousin is there to visit your Aunt. Your Aunt should be feeding her guests, not taking from you and your Dad.” Doktor_Seagull
Another User Comments:
“I know it’s unfair OP but some Families are just selfish. Next time leave the food in your Dad’s car. Your family has shown you that they do not respect your boundaries. Anything that you value you NEED to keep out of eyesight with these family members.
Go online and read about having “ Healthy Boundaries “ OP. I wish you well !” FireBallXLV
8. AITJ For Not Letting My Recovering Husband Install A Breathalyzer In My Car?
“To make a long story short I (F 32) have been married to my husband (M 45) for almost 9 years now.
When we met he had a lot of baggage and issues that I did my absolute best to help him through: custody battles, severe mental health issues, and worst of all heavy drinking. I won’t get into detail but it was an extremely difficult and beyond rocky beginning.
I’m happy to say he has been substance-free for 8 years BUT during his active addiction (long before I knew him) he received a few DUIs and had his license taken. So to get his license back he has to have a “blow and go” installed into a vehicle for a few years.
Here’s the problem… I own my vehicle, it’s in my name strictly.
Same with insurance. I can sign off on his application to the DMV that he has my permission to install the blow and go in my vehicle, but I won’t….
I don’t think it’s fair to me AT ALL. We have three small children (ages 4 months, 5 years, and 7 years) and I don’t want to be at the pediatrician’s office, playground, school pick up line, grocery store, ANYWHERE and be seen blowing into my car with my three babies in the back just to get it started to go where I need to go.
We live in a super small town and it’s a super judgy area. (Also in a massive opioid epidemic). I’d be the talk of the town as the worst mother ever. I can hear the rumors and accusations now and I have a reputation here and I’ve worked VERY hard to get it where it is.
I don’t want it trashed and ruined. Also, to add.. he won’t save money to buy himself a vehicle and constantly blames me for the reason he can’t save money EVEN THOUGH I have no idea what his card number is or where checks are located. We’ve never had a joined account and he’s a disabled veteran with both VA income and social security.
Meanwhile, I’ve had a job from day one. I don’t know, I’m torn and feel like a jerk for not letting him put the blow and go in my car, but in the same breath, I’ve stood my ground and said no because I don’t want people whispering and it affecting my children’s lives.
Kids can be jerks too. I just feel like I’ve done so much already for him and continue to do so, this is just the one thing I’m super not okay with.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“As soon as all the children are in school full-time, make your plans and free yourself of this burden.
He has money coming in and will manage. He’s become too dependent on you and it’s not fair for you to live with that added stress. NTJ but why live with someone who can’t even save money for a car?” hadMcDofordinner
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like he has his own money and income that you don’t have access to. There’s no reason that he shouldn’t be able to save up and get a car for himself unless he is spending that money on shared expenses for the kids and stuff.
But if you are covering most of those expenses, I don’t see why he isn’t able to put a little money aside every month toward a car. It’s not like he needs a brand-new one. He could probably grab something for cash at a small dealership that doesn’t have a payment.” Honest-Sector-4558
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I see your point and his. Remove the device and deal with the repercussions of him not being able to drive it until he loses that probation. It will cause you inconvenience as well as him, but that you already know.
That’s the tradeoff. Maybe get another car, some cheap junker he can install the blowie on.” sourisanon
7. AITJ For Telling My Mom That Our Joke Upset Our Pregnant Cousin?
“AITJ for telling my Mom (49) that we upset our cousin I am (17) or cousin (28).
One day my 6 month pregnant cousin, mother and I were talking about my cousin becoming recently engaged and moving out.
My cousin has a room that she has been living in for the past 4 years, she also owns a moderately successful hairstyling/.
Wig styling business that she runs from the house. My mom and I joked about what we were going to do to her room when she left, my mom joked about turning her room into a gym or charging her $50 an hour to take clients.
My mom winked at me and I joined in on the fun. My cousin then went upstairs. The next morning my cousin was loudly screaming/ yelling and crying while disrespecting my mom. (Mom was at work). I then talked to her and my cousin was upset about the jokes we made when we said we would charge $50/hour to get her to take clients.
She said she was up all night crying and that we upset her. She said we shouldn’t have joked like that because she is pregnant and going through emotional and hormonal changes. I didn’t know she was going to be emotional because she usually was hard to offend.
My cousin said that she can’t pay the charges because she is going to have a baby with her fiancé and will have to pay for a nanny to take care of her while she works. I told my mother in private how we upset her with the joke and my mom explained that she was thinking of charging her because the bills were too much for her and my cousin would be using up the energy blow drying, washing, and doing clients hair throughout the week.
Later in the day, my cousin found out by my Aunt that I told my mom she upset her, and my cousin was furious. She called me and passively aggressively explained how my conversation with her and her crying was confidential and that this business and between her, her unborn child, and her business.
She told me I had no place to tell my mom when she wanted to tell her, ( which was surprising because our family is nonconfrontational and will never solve problems or apologize to each other.) My cousin said that she was confidentially ranting to me and that I upset her more by telling my mom I made her upset.
She said that I am not a person she likes ranting or talking to because I would tell my mom. In the end, my cousin was saying I don’t feel comfortable talking to you because you broke my trust. Reddit AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It seems like you were trying to discreetly let your mother know that your cousin was upset since neither of you genuinely realized the joke upset her. Even if she is pregnant, she was loudly yelling screaming crying, and disrespecting your mom in the morning, in the house you guys live in together, but she didn’t want anyone to know?
It sounds like she is running a moderately successful business in your home, but not making any contributions to the household. If she is it is unfair of her to just expect your mom to foot the bill.” dontwannachoose12
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – she didn’t tell you it was a confidence. You were only trying to help. And yes, she is probably very stressed and hormonal with all the changes so that is making everything worse. Add to that, maybe she was upset overnight because she already knew that it wasn’t realistic to think she could work out of your mom’s house for free.
Maybe it’s time for a ‘family sit-down” Mom, aunt, and her (maybe you). Mom and aunt should lead the conversation. They should say she shouldn’t be mad that you shared, as the reality is, they all needed to talk about this stuff anyway.
Then they do just that, figure out what cousin is expecting from your mom, is it realistic to assume she can use the house for free? What’s a fair amount to chip in? ($50 an hour is ridiculous) Maybe my aunt will help with the costs.
who knows, but if you are there, you shouldn’t chime in – let them figure it out because cousin can’t ignore reality.” CornerSevere
6. AITJ For Not Donating My Baby's Clothes To A Refugee Family?
“My mother and I have a complicated relationship – she would regularly tell me how she needed to have therapy to have children and that didn’t do well in fostering a great dynamic between us.
I am currently 7 months pregnant and it has not been easy, mentally or financially.
My industry was on strike and I wasn’t able to find work for nearly 6 months. I am luckily employed now but we are paying off debts and trying to prepare as best we can before the baby arrives. Naturally, this has caused a whole lot of anxiety.
My best friend has a 5-year-old boy and she generously gave us his entire wardrobe ages birth-6m with the promise of bigger sizes when our child needs them. We accepted with huge gratitude and the promise to return them once we no longer needed them.
It meant one thing we didn’t need to worry about clothes. Because of this, we have asked people to please not gift us any, and instead have provided a list of things we need and would prefer should anyone insist on giving us gifts (very much not expected though!!)
My mother, however, refuses to listen to this request. She has insisted on knitting a huge number of cardigans (our baby will be born in the summer..) and buying outfits that match them. When asked not to she has agreed, only to say she can’t help herself.
I have had to be very firm that we do not want any more clothes.
This evening she asked me if she could have some of the clothes we have to donate to a refugee family that she knows with a baby, and I didn’t know how to respond.
It felt loaded to me, given that we have had to repeatedly ask her not to give us more clothes, as though we must have so many that they will just go to waste. I also have a nephew who is 6 months old, but she’s not asked for his clothes.
It feels as though she is challenging me to either donate what I have or admit that I don’t have enough so she can be green-lit to keep buying us more.
While I would love to help a struggling family if I could, it would feel like I was putting on someone else’s oxygen mask before my own, but I can’t tell if my anxiety at this request is reasonable or tainted by what feels like an uncomfortable guilt trip that my mother has designed. This is our first baby and I don’t know if we will need everything my friend gave us.
AITJ for not giving away what we have to a family who may be struggling more than we are?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You told the family that gave you the clothes that you would return them when they no longer fit.
You can’t donate other people’s clothes. I would be tempted to tell your mother that, and then suggest donating the clothes and cardigans at her house as they will be out of season when your child arrives.” latent
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Newborns go through an unbelievable amount of clothes per day – spit-ups, blow-outs, etc means you are changing them multiple times a day so you will need a good amount of clothes in the early months without doing laundry every minute.
Moreover, your friend gifted you with your baby. Your mom should just leave you alone. Congrats on your baby btw.” RoseJoy_1980
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you have already promised to give these clothes back to your friend once your child outgrows them, so you don’t have the right to give them away because their return is already committed to.
Plus the cardigans that your mother is knitting are not seasonally appropriate for your baby to wear, and that’s clearly why your mother wants you to give away some of your baby’s clothes … so your child can wear the clothes she has made/bought.
You set a boundary (no more baby clothes from anyone) and she is ignoring it not because she thinks you don’t have enough baby clothes but because she wants to make/buy you baby clothes. If you give in on this boundary then what’s to stop her from trampling over other boundaries you set?” somethingstrange87
5. AITJ For Not Wanting To Help My Partner With His Studies During Our Break?
“My partner is currently in college.
I graduated 5 years ago. (Before anyone finds this weird, he is older than I am).
Throughout our 2 year relationship, I have been (what I deem) heavily integrated in his schooling. He needed help with math hw, and since I got my bachelor’s in math, it was natural for me to offer help.
I do want to see him succeed.
Over time, help with math grew into more. Helping with other subjects, taking online quizzes, making presentations, and even just being there (since he says he cannot focus when I am not there to keep him focused).
I want to be fair and add, that for the vast majority of this, I’m not just allowing him to be dishonest. I’m genuinely trying to teach him and he is genuinely trying to learn. We both live separately with family.
So, doing day-long study sessions isn’t ideal when I have my chores like laundry, cleaning, etc.
The level of involvement became too much for me to continuously provide. Due to other things in the relationship, we are somewhat in a limbo stage.
And I expressed that I didn’t think it would be a good idea to keep helping him during our “break”. Which I swore he agreed to.
However, as exams began to roll around, it became an issue. He says that I never asked to help him.
And that it’s disappointing that I didn’t want to. He questions if my wanting him to succeed is genuine. And so I started helping him in ways I could and felt comfortable with.
I just got a call from him, asking if I was coming over tonight to keep him company while he studies (for another subject).
He pretty much didn’t study at all today or yesterday because I was not there. He also needs math help before an exam in 3 days (even though I just helped him study for an exam 3 days ago).
I said I might just stay home and get an early start tomorrow to give him a better chance of being able to help him study tomorrow.
He asked if I could help him every day until the exam. And I said, no…(I work a full-time job). I can try 2 of the days.
He said, you can just not help me and I’ll fail. It got a little heated because I told him not to guilt trip me, it was adding stress to my plate.
And he said I’m stressing myself out because his school is done in 3 days and then he will be on break for a full 2 months.
This is all just getting so unpleasant tbh. Am I the jerk? Is he the jerk?
Are we both jerks?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s the jerk and he’s using you. You did not sign up to be his full-time personal tutor (even though you pretty much have been). And he can’t do *any* studying unless you’re there to hold his hand?
I call a liar. He’s telling you he’ll *deliberately* fail his classes if you’re not there. He is using controlling behaviors with you and this type of behavior only gets worse. For your sanity, I think you should back completely away from any further “tutoring”.
If you do it’ll be interesting to see how far he’ll take his helpless act to try to pressure you into coming back. Please take a step back and a good hard look at this relationship. Is this what you want, someone who expects you to carry their full weight, shamelessly using weaponized incompetence to slough off at your expense?” Global_Look2821
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why is he relying on you so heavily to study? I understand wanting a company to help you stay focused is nice, but requiring it is kind of unfair. You work a full-time job. You are busy.
He can probably hire a tutor who would have the availability, or reach out to his college/universities for math help. Lots of them have math centers and tutoring centers. He is being unreasonable.” Vomopop
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re his partner!
It was okay helping him out with the math and wanting him to learn but sounds like he’s now just using you to pass his classes. Helping with every single thing in that class, what is he studying that involves this much math?
Definitely can be a lot for you especially since you have a full-time job and are not in school anymore I feel like it’s making you feel that you’re in school again. The involvement is too much it’s nice to be there for him but the constant pressure of him asking you for all the help is a lot.
Good for you putting your foot down! He can survive a couple of days without you there and if he doesn’t pass his exam it will explain a lot on his part. NTA just express to him more that you do care for his passing and that you just can’t be involved so much.
He is guilt-tripping you into feeling bad he’s the jerk.” FarmRevolutionary266
4. AITJ For Wanting To Limit My Unapologetic Father's Interaction With My Son?
“I (30F) have recently got back into contact with my parents after giving birth to my son. I have had no contact with them for almost 8 years before this. My family is very religious. I left the religion and they stopped talking to me.
I did not reach out and tell my parents when I was pregnant. Instead, I told them they had a grandson when he was 2 weeks old. I then didn’t hear from them until over a month later. My dad sent me a sanctimonious text about how they wouldn’t be talking to me or in my life unless I returned to the flock.
I replied saying that I would not be returning under any circumstances. About half an hour later my mum, who has terminal cancer, rang me to tell me she didn’t know dad would be sending this text and she does not feel the same way – she wants to be in my life.
She then proceeded to apologize for not being there and expressed how she wanted to be there for me and my son now. She came round that day.
Now my son is 4 months old and my dad has now met him and seen me.
This has only happened because my mum has been too ill to travel alone and my dad doesn’t want to have to drive back and forth. I have had no apology from him.
I’m keeping it civil for my mum’s sake but I have found that since seeing him all I think about is telling him how intolerable he is.
I feel like he doesn’t deserve to be in my life or my son’s life especially as he hasn’t even apologized – he doesn’t even think he is in the wrong. He has never apologized to me for anything ever and I don’t think I have ever heard him admit wrongdoing for anything my whole life.
Everything is always everyone else’s fault or problem or people are too sensitive. There is so much I could say, so many examples. I want to know if I should address this with him or my mum. Should I just tolerate him for mum’s sake?
Would I be wrong to ask to only see Mum – I could visit her while Dad is at work maybe. It’s stressing me out and I want to protect my son in the future as I doubt dad would respect my wishes regarding not trying to recruit my son into his faith.
If he apologized I think I’d be able to move past a lot of this. But acting like nothing has happened is weird. It’s too much to just let go of without something being acknowledged in my opinion. AITJ?
If you need more info please ask.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m sorry about your mom. Your dad is sick too but emotionally and he’s terminal himself. You do need to protect yourself and your son from mistreatment of any kind. Your dad isn’t going to change and you don’t need him to apologize for you to know he’s hurt you.
You know he has whether he admits it or not. ” Tough-Combination-37
Another User Comments:
“Ughhh. Tough one. NTJ. However, I wouldn’t say anything unless he provokes you first. I 100% get how you feel, I do. But for your mom’s sake, who is presumably cherishing the time she has left, don’t provoke him.
It doesn’t matter how right you are, whoever starts the fight gets blamed, especially when someone sick is involved 🙁 So I would keep my mouth shut but feel vindicated that his day is coming. The SECOND your mom no longer needs you to support her by keeping your mouth shut???
It’s his day of reckoning. If he confronts you first?? Oh baby if you go low, I go LOWER. But you can’t do it first, in my opinion.” Distinct-Brilliant73
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I guess I’m the jerk because my INFO if I did one would be ‘How terminal is terminal?’ You are allowing your judgmental and unforgiving father to be marginally in your life because his allegedly dying wife wants to visit with her grandchild.
She didn’t bother reaching out to you for 8 years so I think any hour you have granted her is a gift and, in my opinion, more than generous. As for your dad, I guess he’s compromising his principles to please his wife and will not be surprised to be cut off after his wife passes.
If you are anticipating your parents both being around till your son enough to be recruited – in your place, I’d seriously be reconsidering *any* regular visits.” NanaLeonie
3. AITJ For Choosing To Spend My Birthday With Friends Instead Of My Family?
“So for context, tomorrow (May 14th) I turn 19, my cousins and everyone are over here because my other 19-year-old got into an accident and is now paralyzed and he has 2 daughters a 2-year-old and a 6-month-old, the 2-year-old and I share the same bday,, not a big deal whatever I’ve shared my bday forever because my other cousin’s bday is the day after mine.
However, with that being said my blood family has made it VERY clear that this party they are throwing on Tuesday (my bday) is for 23-year-old cousin whose bday is Wednesday. I have been excluded from everything and even my birthdays before have been more backhanded “Yeah we’ll do this just to do this so you don’t hate us” I came out as transgender when I was 12 they’re very transphobic and always have been… I didn’t use my chosen name until 14 and they’ve never not even once made an effort to use it.
So for my birthday, I asked a couple of friends if they just wanted to go on an evening/late-night hike and they said yeah no problem, I told my blood family about this and they’re all freaking out now saying things like “that’s so selfish of you, we were going to include you you just didn’t tell us anything you wanted or what you wanted” …they never asked…they’ve never asked…Anytime I’ve had a party or been the center of attention for more than 30 seconds there’s always something they have to criticize it’s exhausting and they constantly deadname and misgender me and the second I stand up for myself I’m told I’m overdramatic and need to suck it up because it won’t ever change.
My friends don’t do that, my friends respect me as a person and would never purposely deadname or misgender me. I don’t care about pronouns I have made that very clear to everyone even my dad’s side my dad is great I just didn’t grow up with him so while yes he’s blood family he doesn’t count because he’s 4 hours away and makes an attempt to use my name and corrects the rest of his family if they deadname me.
Sorry a little off-topic there, but my grandmother went off on me this morning and said “You’re so selfish for making plans on top of ours your birthday is not just about you [deadname] stop being a baby and get over yourself” I snapped, I don’t normally snap I am normally very well contained despite the garbage they put me through and replied “I would rather spend time with people who value me as a person than people who just constantly want to criticize me and bring me down.” She’s mad at me now and the rest of my blood family is texting me telling me I’m being dramatic and need to stop being so selfish, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Can you get away from your mom’s family? Live with your dad until you can live independently? These people sound awful and you deserve better. And regardless, keep planning and doing things with your friends who love and support who you truly are.” friendlily
2. AITJ For Expecting My Wife To Have Definitive Travel Plans When Visiting Her Family?
“My wife and I live in a city that is over 4 hour’s flight away from her hometown. We often enjoy traveling back to her hometown together, but because of work sometimes she goes on her own to spend time with family.
I’m happy for her to get the chance and go enjoy the time, especially since my family is nearby and I feel guilty that she doesn’t get to see her folks often.
Last time we had a trip together for 4 weeks and she decided to stay behind for longer.
This caused a bit of an argument between us because she wouldn’t give a clear answer for when she was coming back. I’m a bit of a planner and my expectation with solo travel while in a relationship is to communicate your travel plans.
I feel it’s the right thing to do so your spouse isn’t left in limbo wondering when you’ll be returning. I communicated these expectations to her and let her know that her staying behind for longer didn’t bother me, but the uncertainty around how long she was going to be away was what did.
She understood my perspective and reassured me that next time it would be a round trip.
She recently wanted to go back home again and I encouraged her to look at trips. I reminded her of our conversation and to look for a round trip.
She assured me that she would. Today, out of the blue she informed me that her brother booked a one-way trip for her to fly home. He couldn’t find any cheap one-way direct flights back so he didn’t book the return even though she asked him to do it.
A bit annoyed at hearing this, I assured her that I was happy with paying the extra money for a return to ensure her travel plans were concrete. She refused this on account of ‘I don’t want to waste money’. I was a little upset at what went down and she told me that I was being difficult about the situation.
The truth is that it adds to my mental load wondering every day if she is going to be coming back yet or not, do I confirm plans on our behalf or not, and not having an answer when people ask when she will be back, do I make my plans or hold off in case she comes back, etc., etc.
I love my wife with my whole heart, but I’ve been made to feel guilty for having these expectations.
Am I the jerk for expecting definitive travel plans when either one of us is solo traveling?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I don’t think it’s controlling to want to know when your partner is going to be coming home.
That goes both ways, if I was doing a trip it just wouldn’t occur to me to leave my husband in limbo with no idea when I might be back. It kind of goes beyond just being rude, it’s the idea that your life together is somehow so irrelevant that you don’t need to know the end date of the trip.
I’m sure some will disagree with me, but it’s something I couldn’t even conceive of doing to my partner and I wouldn’t want it done to me either.” UnitedAd8751
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The only time I can think of when one of my friends left town without a date for return was when a parent died. I don’t understand how she can just go without a return plan, I assume she is not working and has no kids, but still.
How empty and purposeless is her life?” bookworm1398
Another User Comments:
“You are imposing your expectations on her away time and making it stressful for her. I’d say let it go. She’s only 4 hours away, it’s not like she’s overseas. YTJ for making her trips about you instead of letting her enjoy her vacations with her family.
You can talk to her every day so your insistence on knowing exactly the day she’s coming back is not useful. If you need her, you can reach her easily.” hadMcDofordinner
1. AITJ For Reporting A Committee Member's Inappropriate Behavior Without Consent?
“I (26F) am a member of a committee that runs a medieval festival that involves volunteer actors. The committee has been split up into five sections: Logistics, Advertising, Entertainment, Community Relations, and Site.
Each section has a board member to oversee the committee members, who have three members for each section. I am under the advertising director, the committee member in question is under entertainment.
The member in question, who I will name Jason (70M), has been in the festival since the start.
Jason is very old schooled and will not budge with new ideas unless they benefit him. He seems to butt heads with everyone else on the committee as well as in our cast.
The board has a deal with our town council that if we clean up the community centre gardens and the park we use, the cost to use the park will decrease.
One day a year, we go and clean the two areas mentioned.
Saturday was our clean up day. We had just finished the community centre and made our way to the park. Jason is a touchy-feely kind of person. Consent is not in his vocabulary.
He has grabbed my shoulder a few times in the past, but I keep my cool to avoid conflict. However, lines were crossed on Saturday.
I was approached by two cast members, Jamie (20NB) and Nickie (18NB). Everyone says I am the most trustworthy cast member as I understand boundaries (According to my friends) and all the younger cast members, especially the teenagers, trust me with any issues they have, in or out of the festival (Don’t worry, I make sure lines aren’t crossed).
Nickie told me that Jason had grabbed Jamie by the shoulder. Jamie had PTSD from when they were living in a cult (They were raised in said cult) and asked Jason not to touch them and explained.
Jason said, word for word, “You should of put that on your form.” Cue my best shocked Pikachu face.
I knew Jason could be a bit of a boundary pusher, but that was not okay to say.
I sat there all Saturday night and all Sunday morning debating on whether or not I should report it. Finally, Sunday afternoon, I texted the director I trusted most, Kelly (26F), about the incident, leaving Jamie and Nickie’s names out of it.
I told Nickie about the report and they began freaking out on me, thinking their spots have been jeopardized. I tried to tell them they’d be okay as I left their names out of it, but they were upset at me.
Now I’m wondering if I’ve done the right thing.
AITJ for reporting a committee member to a board member for crossing major boundaries?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not the jerk for reporting him. You kept the two cast members names’ out of it but there is not much you could have done to help other than alerting someone with power.
People like him operate in the dark and his actions needed to be brought to the light. The only thing you could have done differently is, during the initial conversation, assured Jamie and Nickie that while you’re on their side and want them to be safe, you have to tell a board member.
But I also don’t think you did anything wrong.” friendlily
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ – What Jason did is wrong but you should have asked Jamie and Nickie how they wanted to handle it. Did they want to report it themselves, have you report it for them, or maybe neither of those options were comfortable for them.
It seems like you may have pushed a boundary by taking action without their permission.” honey_honey1968
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