People Cause Rifts In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Offering My Headphones To A Woman Playing Loud Videos In The Doctor's Waiting Room?
“I recently wrenched my shoulder, and yeah, it still hurts. I’m talking to the doctor about it. I was at the doctor’s, waiting for my appointment, in pain and not very happy. I also had a headache.
Another patient, a middle-aged woman, was playing TikToks on her phone at top volume.
She was not using any kind of headphones or wireless earbuds or anything. It was very annoying and the sound was clearly that loud because she was listening to the TikToks. It was also aggravating my headache. I put up with it for several clips, but finally, I lost it.
I got up, dug in my bag for the wired earbuds I always carry, marched over to her, and said, “Excuse me, do you need these?” Holding my earbuds out to her. She said, “Excuse me?” So I repeated myself.
I will confess that the earbuds were not new, unused, or in any kind of packaging.
And I wasn’t terribly wanting to give them away. But the noise her phone was producing was making my pain worse, and if she wanted to listen to her phone in public (which she had every right to do) she needed to use headphones! And for whatever reason she wasn’t using a pair of her own.
So I offered the pair I had.
She refused the headphones and turned the sound down, and after I returned to my chair, actually stopped watching TikToks for as long as I was in the waiting room (she wasn’t there after I came out from my appointment).
My mother, who had driven me to the doctor and was waiting with me in the waiting room, told me that I had been rude and intimidated the woman into not using her phone. That wasn’t my intention and I tried to be polite. But what else could I have done?
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re only wrong about one thing: “and if she wanted to listen to her phone in public (which she had every right to do).” She had every right to listen WITH HEADPHONES which she didn’t have. She did not have the right to make everyone else listen, too.
She was the jerk and her self-absorbed, rude, type is EVERYWHERE with this behavior. Good for you for getting her to stop.” Ok-Position7403
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There should be a special place in heck for people who listen to any devices in public. I was in an airport once at a gate waiting for a plane to board, a guy sat down next to me who had a big rolling suitcase that had a BUILT-IN SPEAKER which was blaring music at least as loud as you’d ever play in the privacy of your own home, or louder.
I was just about to rip him a new one when fortunately they called for boarding.” LawyerDad1981
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I don’t know why it’s a trend with people, especially boomers to watch videos and stuff on their phone at max volume in public.
I’ve always thought it was rude and disrespectful to the people around you. Also, what’s up with the trend of old people walking around Walmart blaring their music on their cell phones seriously that’s what headphones are for…” HateKilledTheDinos
21. AITJ For Refusing To Attend My Husband's Church Due To Past Trauma?
“I (29F) grew up in an incredibly radically over-the-top Catholic household.
We went to church twice a week always, when I got Scarlet Fever as a kid my grandpa refused to let me get medical treatment for days while he tried to cure me by screaming at me at the top of his lungs to remove the devil from me.
I was so terrified of going to a bad place that if I even forgot to say “thank you” I’d break down crying. When I was 13, my dad (who had full custody) moved us to another country to get away from our religious family. From then on we were allowed to remain Catholic if we wanted, but none of us chose to.
We respected religions but never practiced or attended again.
My husband’s (28M) family is very Christian and attends church every Sunday. He goes sometimes, always invites me but hasn’t pressured me to go for years. His family is starting to kick back and insist I attend as well, despite knowing why I don’t want to.
They are becoming a little pushy, saying that I have to at least go once and TRY it and that I’d have a good time. I still refuse. I’m happy they have their religion but I’m done with it for myself. My husband thinks I’m being stubborn and irrational, I think I respect their religion so why can’t my decision also be respected?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Your husband and his parents are being very disrespectful to you. You made your decision for more than very good reasons why you don’t want to ever go. And now they’re harassing you about it, your husband being implicit with their harassment of you.
This is not ok. Honestly – one more conversation stating I will never go to any church. If you don’t stop asking, I will no longer involve myself in any events with any of you since you can’t find it in your “Christian” souls to stop harassing me or respecting my decision.
Then quote Romans 8:28. All things – even our own choices – are used by God to accomplish his purposes in and through us. Drop mic and walk away. Which is your semi-nice way to tell them to back off. NTJ.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What you are describing is not Catholic.
Catholics have a long history of scholarship and medicine. There are Catholic hospitals around the globe. They don’t do “faith healing” or scream the devil out of people. Though they do have some priests who perform exorcisms, the Church does not consider disease to be demonic possession.
Some people can take any religious or secular ideology and twist it into something dark and abnormal. There are animal rights activists who attack horses pulling carriages to try to cause wrecks that will get carriages banned.” Shdfx1
Another User Comments:
“61-year-old cradle still practicing Catholic here.
You did not grow up in the Catholic Church. We believe in science & medicine – look up the thousands of Catholic hospitals around the world. We do not ‘scream the devil’ out of people; that is an evangelical thing. You need to sit your husband & in-laws down at the same time & say, I love you all deeply & completely respect your choice to attend your church & practice your religion.
I expect you to equally respect my choice to not attend. This is not up for debate. It is my right to make this choice & it needs to be respected. I will not discuss this with you again.” Tazno209
20. AITJ For Not Letting A Family Overuse My Balloon Backdrop?
“I celebrated my nephew’s first birthday at the park and rented a balloon backdrop with stands and props for the occasion.
As I was packing up at the end of the party, another family arrived and asked if they could use our balloon backdrop for one photo. Since they wanted just one family photo behind the backdrop and I was done with it, I gave them permission to do so.
The family takes a photo using the backdrop. They continue taking more photos behind the backdrop. I didn’t think too much of it at first. However, they proceed to move the props/stands around, place their cake on the stand, and place their presents in front of the backdrop for more photos.
I try to explain to them that I paid for this backdrop and am responsible if the stands/props were damaged. They are taking advantage now. They brush me off and continue setting their things up. My brother then proceeds to pop all the balloons around the backdrop in order to get them to stop.
The family becomes upset because their baby is crying now and says we are overreacting. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! They were definitely taking advantage of your kindness – you gave them an inch and they took a mile. Your brother’s great for standing up for you and putting an end to their nonsense.” smackof_ham
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If anything got damaged they wouldn’t pay for it. They obviously couldn’t afford one or they would’ve gotten their own to use. I’m not looking down on anyone who can’t either. I know good and well I wouldn’t be able to and would just end up going a DIY route if my kids wanted one.
They just gave off cheap and entitled vibes. Good on your brother for sabotaging their photos. They got plenty.” Xx_PandaBunny_xX
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You paid for it. You let them have their one photo. Then they took a mile when they asked for an inch.
Good for your brother for popping the balloons.” [deleted]
19. AITJ For Being Upset My Mom Took Money From My Savings Account?
“I (17f) went to buy a Kindle today because it is Amazon Prime Day. So I went into my banking app to pull some money out of my savings account, because I’ve been trying to save for one for months.
I had quite a bit of money in there only to find my mother (46f) had transferred almost all of it to her own account. When she does this it doesn’t notify me of it because she is the guardian of my account because I’m a minor.
Usually, she asks me to take money out of my account but recently she hasn’t been asking or taking more than she said she was going to. My mom and stepdad say I’m the jerk for getting this mad about it and it’s only money.
But now I can’t buy something I’ve been saving and wanting for months.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to heed all of the advice that you are about to receive. Stop putting money into bank accounts that your parents have access to. Keep all your money in cash if you have to; do not give them access to it.
When you turn 18, go to a completely different bank and open your own checking and savings account. Do not ever give your parents access to this account. Your parents cannot be trusted with any of your financial assets. You will need to become an adult and learn how to manage your assets yourself right when you turn 18.
If you do not do these things, they will continue to take your money. Your money is not “only money.” Your money is what you have earned, and they have not. Your money is your money. You need to make that clear to them. But if that money is in an account with their name on it, it is lawfully also their money.
Keep it your money.” DarmokTheNinja
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Time to use other options for your funds until you are 18 and can open your own account. Cash is one option. Reloadable debit/gift cards are another. If you get most of your stuff off Amazon you could buy Amazon gift cards as soon as the funds hit your account keeping that account balance as low as possible.
There are use-anywhere gift cards too. None of the options are good because some cards charge a yearly fee against the balance but that is minimal compared to the amount your mom is stealing from you. And you are at risk of a card getting lost or stolen.
I would also check your credit history with the credit agencies. A parent who just takes funds from their kids is likely to fraudulently open accounts in their name too.” katamino
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am so sorry you have parents like this. I can’t imagine justifying stealing from my own child.
If you are able, you should cash your paychecks and find somewhere safe to hide your funds. Maybe somewhere outside your home. Unfortunately, once your mom figures out the funds aren’t being deposited in the account, she will go searching for it. And if she finds it, she may take it all.
There is no excuse for her behavior. I just hope you can get out quickly when you turn 18 because your parents are thieves.” IndividualRaspberry2
Since you are working, talk to your mom about paying rent. In exchange she will not take your money. Having a set amount you give them will help them budget.
I know, people are going to say as a minor it's the parents who are suppose to provide for you. IF they are struggling, there is nothing wrong with a 17 year old paying rent.
18. AITJ For Not Letting My Friend's Daughter Borrow My Son's Teddy On Vacation?
“My friend forgot her daughter’s (3 y/o) teddy when we went on vacation together. She wouldn’t go to sleep without it and my friend asked me if I would let her borrow my son’s (18 months).
I said no for two reasons. My son is very attached to his teddy and when he realizes it’s missing he gets upset and he always cries if another child has it.
The second reason is that teddy is the first thing my husband bought when he found out I was pregnant with our son so it’s very special to him, I didn’t think he would be happy if I gave it to my friend’s daughter either.
My friend kept trying to convince me to just let her borrow it for 10 minutes since my son was distracted and she didn’t think he would notice but I kept telling her no. She was angry at me for saying no and ended up cold-shouldering me for the rest of the vacation.
The people who went on the vacation were divided so I’m wondering if I was the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You being prepared, and knowing your child’s mood makes you a good parent. Also, it’s an important toy to your family and precious for that.
You would have been substituting one upset child with another and possibly both being upset. Your friend has a right to be upset, but they lost the toy, their child was upset, they had the problem, and it’s not on you to solve their problems especially if it causes your family problems. I would talk up how bad it would be if you took the toy away from your child – they would have been worse than your friend’s child!!!” Four-Islands
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for the reasons everyone has mentioned. I have to say that all of your friends who sided against you are jerks. That whole group mentality of “Eat crap and be disrespected so that the mood of the group does not destabilize” is the exact reason I hate group trips.
I only do one other couple or 2 girls (but I have my own room). Vacation should not be a time to sacrifice my reasonable boundaries for the sake of others.” Pretty_In_Pink_81
Another User Comments:
“Almost every kid has that one thing that they love beyond reason.
Whether it’s a stuffed toy or a blanket or something, it’s special. Mine was Kiki, a blanket that I adored. And I have a LOT of siblings so pretty much anything and everything was up for grabs and shareable at one point (especially since my step-sister is only 9 months older than me and we were basically twins growing up).
everything…EXCEPT Kiki. That was mine and mine alone. No matter how young I was, it was off-limits to others. My mom and dad occasionally had to make the 30 min drive to meet up again after swapping me to the other parent to swap Kiki because it’d been forgotten the first trip.
I didn’t ask for much in life but them going back for that blanket? That I definitely asked for. It’s a special thing and I still have it. I also have the replacement I had to get when someone tore a hole into the original. I slept with Kiki until I was 12 and you would’ve had to pry that from my cold dead fingers.
NTJ you did right by your kid.” Artistic-Attempt-454
17. AITJ For Not Sharing The Puppy Sale Money With My Sister?
“I (29M) have a golden retriever, “Sally” (2F). Sally is very friendly and loves everybody. A friend of mine was evicted from his home and asked if I wanted to adopt Sally.
I got all of her vet information and did find out she was not spayed. I did get her an appointment for July.
Well, my sister (31F) and her husband (32M) have two dogs, a golden and a lab. They thought it would be a fun idea to get into breeding.
I was against the idea and told them. I had to go away for a friend’s wedding and my parents watched Sally while I was gone. When I went to pick her up, my father told me that Sally and my sister’s dog were playing.
I sent my sister a long text and said if you want the money, you have to help with the puppies as I was never on board with the breeding.
Sally gave birth to the puppies in mid-April and I told my sister. She never responded and I ended up being responsible for 12 puppies.
They turned 8 weeks last week and I found homes for all 12. I put some of the money towards some debt and my rent. My sister calls me and starts demanding I give her the money I promised. I told her the money was promised if you helped, which you didn’t.
My whole family is now involved and my parents think that I should have given her the money. I feel that my sister should have respected my decision.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Let’s consider 1. You did all the work 2. You presumably covered the vet costs, food 3.
And this is the really important one IT’S YOUR DOG. It is normal to allow the owners of the father of the puppies to have a puppy or the money from the fee of the puppy if you asked to use that dog as a stud…except you didn’t your sister decided to allow your dog to get pregnant against your wishes.
Tell her to go boil her head. Tell the rest of your family to mind their own business. What next I sold my car my sister gets half?” Whitestaunton
Another User Comments:
“You don’t owe her anything. God Forbid that pregnancy didn’t go as planned and she had to have an emergency c-section was she going to pay half of your vet bills for labor and delivery plus anesthesia?
She did something very irresponsible breeding that dog with no follow through… you don’t owe her anything and if you paid vet bills she should pay HALF since she thought it was cool to breed them.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Here is what I would do.
Add up all the direct and indirect expenses. Extra food for momma, whelping box, puppy food, puppy bowls, puppy toys, cost of first de-worming, second de-worming, first shots, all vet visits, whelping box bedding, registration fee, and so on. Then calculate all the hours you put in.
Supervising labor and delivery, changing whelping box pads, feeding puppies, changing whelping box bedding, cleaning up after puppies, vet visits, time to weigh puppies to track growth, bathing puppies, socializing the puppies, time and effort to find new homes, and so on. Then calculate the number of hours at a reasonable hourly rate.
After having 2 litters of labradors, I would guess my husband and I spent 200+ hours per litter in 8 weeks doing puppy things. So at $40 per hour x 200 hours that is $8,000 right there. Plus the nearly $1,000 we spent on the last litter. The last litter was 10 puppies and they went for $650 each.” JadedSlayer
16. AITJ For Not Inviting My Dad's Wife To Our Father's Day Dinner?
“I (21F) have a 66-year-old dad. He remarried last July to a nice woman after being in a relationship with her for about 1.5 years. She is 49. She is childless. I do not consider her my stepmom and she does not consider me or my siblings stepchildren.
All 3 of us (me, my sister, my brother) were adults when they married.
This year, I invited my dad for a Father’s Day dinner. My sister and brother live hours away, so I’m the only child close to home. I wanted to do something nice for my dad since all of his kids are out of the house and 2/3 of them are not remotely close.
I invited him out to a nice steakhouse and he asked if his wife would be coming. I said I was not going to invite her, and he got upset. He said it wasn’t fair, they’re married, etc. I told him she’s not a dad (obviously) or even a parent.
I asked some of my friends about the matter, and one of them said she isn’t my mom or stepmom so she shouldn’t be invited, the other one told me I was being a jerk and it was rude to not invite her. WITBJ if I didn’t invite her?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You could have phrased it better. There is nothing wrong with inviting your dad to dinner to spend time with him one-on-one, but when he asked about his wife, you phrased it as excluding her because she didn’t fit your description of who should be included rather than just saying, “Dad, I wanted to spend some special father-daughter time with just us”.
That said, if it is for your dad and would make him happy, it would behoove you to include his spouse.” siempre_maria
Another User Comments:
“I’m conflicted because you’re not a jerk for wanting to celebrate him on Father’s Day alone. However, you’re a soft jerk because it’s a day for him and, if how he wants to celebrate is with you and his wife, then you should respect his wishes and invite her.
It’s just a few hours for lunch. If you get along with her, it shouldn’t be that bad. If you don’t, well, can’t you put that aside for a few hours to celebrate your dad who probably made a lot of sacrifices for you as he was raising you?
Your dad who probably always put you and your siblings first and now you’re seemingly unwilling to do it for him?” MrsKuroo
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I get that you want to have a 1:1 with your dad, if you just want to make him happy, you should invite the wife since he clearly wants her there.
Maybe do lunch with him and go somewhere for dessert with her too if you can (as someone said before). But if you explain to your dad that you just want some alone time with him (that you rarely get), he should understand that, since you want to celebrate him, his role as your dad and have some alone time.
Especially because in a comment you said you have taken both out to eat and even painted something for their wedding, I believe it’s reasonable to want 1:1 time with your dad without it feeling like you are neglecting his wife. It’s just a lunch, I think he should be fine without his wife.
If you want, maybe say next month or so you can all have lunch together.” WRose287
15. AITJ For Confronting Someone Over Their Offensive Jokes?
“While in a group we were all laughing, joking, and messing around. Things were going well until one person started making “jokes” about horrifically vile things.
No one laughed and it got uncomfortable.
The person who made the “jokes” rolled their eyes saying “They’re only joking, don’t take it seriously, lighten up.”
I asked them what was funny about the jokes they were making and they said “It isn’t that deep.”
Other people also asked them to explain why they thought their jokes were funny and why they thought it was appropriate to make such horrible jokes.
They stormed off calling all of us jerks for “not having a sense of humor.”
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They definitely knew it wasn’t ‘just a joke’ but tried to mask their nastiness by throwing a straw man and trying to push their flaw on you.
Don’t fall for it! A good person owns up for their mistakes and apologizes when a joke doesn’t fly, people who try to blame you and tell you to ‘lighten up’ are jerks. Perfect reaction to make them explain their jokes. It clearly shows it’s not funny if they can’t explain it without sounding bad.” GrayDottedPony
Another User Comments:
“Definitely not. Just like they had the free speech to make the joke, you are free to dislike it and state your opinion. Some people use “jokes” as a way to get out of accountability. The nice thing to do would have been for them to apologize and explain they did not mean it to come off that way, instead of telling you guys you don’t have a sense of humor.” BougieLifeOnABudget
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Those kinds of “jokes” are usually more deeply serious than sometimes even the joketeller knows. It’s not cool to talk about certain topics in a jovial manner… unaliving people, disasters, forced situations, religion, certain historic events where people were persecuted for being… things like that are things not funny.
There is a fine line between a “dark sense of humor” (which I have a very dark one) and being a bad person. It sounds like this dude is firmly on the bad person side of that line.” DaddysDuckie
14. AITJ For Distancing Myself From A Friend Who Asked To Be In My Will?
“I have had a friend for almost 20 years now, over the past few years we have not seen each other physically as much but still kept in touch daily via WhatsApp.
A few months ago I bought my own house (via a mortgage). It was a long stressful process but I got there in the end.
My friend who already has her own place has on 3 occasions asked me to leave her my home in my will.
The first time I thought it was a joke but it’s happened twice since and to be honest, it really freaked me out.
I can’t understand how someone would even think to ask that of a friend, never mind actually do it, 3 times.
Since then I’ve been slowly distancing myself (slow about replying to messages and not suggesting meeting up).
I honestly am disgusted at this person. I wouldn’t even dare to ask my parents that question.
Surely if a friend buys their own place one should be happy for them rather than thinking of them dying and hoping to benefit from it.
Am I being unreasonable/a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m a lawyer. No. NTJ. This is really bizarre and troubling on many levels. Does this person have a lot of debt? Why this demand? I would recommend going NC with this person. And if she demands a meeting, and you decide you need to go through with it (not recommended), have it in a public setting with other people present.
And never, ever let her in if she shows up at the front door of your house. Do not delete anything and start saving it for a restraining order. Because it sounds like this person is planning to harm you. Also, consult with an attorney in your area, get your will updated, and have said attorney send a cease and desist letter telling her to back off regarding your will.
Because it sounds like she is planning on doing something to you.” jemy74
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it’s really odd, as you say it’s not something you would even ask your parents. I hope you have got your will in order with getting your mortgage because heaven forbid something happens ( I wish you a very long and healthy life) you don’t want her coming and making trouble saying you had a verbal agreement and causing issues to your next of kin (not that it would stand legally of course).
I am sorry you had to lose a friend in this way, I can imagine how upsetting it is. This world is filled with amazing, kind, and magical people and I hope you meet lots you can call good friends.” Moon-lit-rain
Another User Comments:
“NTJ that person is suuuuper creepy and you need to go NC asap because normal friends just do NOT ask that kind of thing and the fact that she keeps asking is a big big big red flag.
1. Get security cameras installed asap and some kind of door camera so you can see who is at the door long before you go to open it that way you know if it’s her and not to answer it. 2. NEVER let this person into your house for ANY reason at ANY time.
3. Save all text messages and also start recording any phone calls from this person so you can have evidence of her harassment to try and get a restraining order if she refuses to stop. 4. Update your will to make sure she can never ever get her hands on anything that belongs to you.
IF you do speak to this person again and they again bring this up tell them straight up that your will is none of their business and you are no longer interested in having any kind of relationship with them and then block them on all social media and phone numbers and everything.
Super super super super creepy and I would never ever trust being around that person again because it feels like they’re really hoping you’ll die and expecting they’ll get your house which is just insane to feel so entitled to someone else’s property.” Etenial
13. AITJ For Asking Friends To Contribute To The Cost Of The Turkey For Our Friendsgiving Dinner?
“I’m a grad student at a university very far from where my parents live. I have a small group of friends who are in a similar situation and I often host them for dinner around the holidays.
In particular, Friendsgiving has become something of a tradition for us, and we usually celebrate with a potluck-style dinner at my apartment.
This year, turkey is a bit more expensive than usual, so I kindly asked each person who’s planning to come to our Friendsgiving meal to contribute a small amount ($12) to help cover the cost of the turkey.
Most of the people I asked gladly agreed to help out, but one of my friends refused and said that he didn’t want to come to Friendsgiving if people were going to pay for the food. He told me that Thanksgiving should be about gratitude, not bean-counting and that everyone should just bring what they’re able.
I told him that I agree that Thanksgiving is about gratitude, but my roommate and I are poor grad students, the turkey is by far the most expensive item, and it’s not fair to us that we have to bear the cost of it alone.
I also pointed out that every year, in addition to the turkey, my roommate and I prepare most of the traditional Thanksgiving foods, like pumpkin pie, stuffing, cornbread, gravy, sweet potatoes, etc., whereas many of the other guests usually just bring a small salad or some fruit—and we are not asking for help with any of the side dishes—only the turkey.
In spite of this, my friend still says that he doesn’t want to come.
Normally I would let this go and just try to celebrate Thanksgiving without him, but he is one of the more “popular” members of our group, and I’m really worried that if he doesn’t come to our Friendsgiving this year, other people will cancel as well.
Honestly, the whole situation is leaving a bad taste in my mouth and it makes me not want to host Friendsgiving at all.
AITJ? How should I deal with this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is a reasonable request for them to contribute, particularly given you host each year and don’t take turns.
But if you are concerned friends will pull out at the last minute, after you have bought the turkey, ask your friends to pony the money up asap (rather than pay on the day) in order to ensure that you don’t end up footing pretty much the full cost of the turkey and then have a month’s worth of leftovers.” Ok-Status-9627
Another User Comments:
“My whole turkey was under $12. How many people need to contribute $12 for one turkey? That being said, you could ask people to contribute what they could. Someone might be broke, and someone else might feel generous and cover the whole cost. I don’t know how big the group is, but even 4 people contributing $12 is $48.
If you need a $48 turkey, that’s a you problem. I hesitate to say YTJ because you make so much other food too, but if that money is going toward all the food, just say that. “We’re college students and need a little help this year with the food costs.
Please donate what you can. Thanks!”” strawberrdies
Another User Comments:
“So NTJ, but neither is your friend. If you feel you want people to chip in, that’s your choice. But you are basically charging for the meal, and people can opt-out. $12 each for the turkey?
Seems a bit much honestly. You can get a turkey pretty cheap. For the full meal? That’s probably more reasonable. Typically, we do Friendsgiving by potluck. The host cooks the turkey, but everyone else brings a dish. Which really does convey the standard of the holiday anyhow.
And honestly, the cost of the turkey is probably cheaper than putting together a good cheese platter. Perhaps your answer is to say, we’d prefer people’s company to money. If you’d rather bring a dish than chip in, please let us know, and we can let you know what’s needed.” Shaggoth72
12. AITJ For Not Caring That My Abusive Ex Is Dying Of Cancer?
“I (27F) had my first relationship right after graduating high school and it lasted for 4 years. I was a straight-laced, shy, and super socially awkward kid. I made friends with a guy in my class who was practically the opposite of me. Outgoing, liked to party, took lots of risks, and overall wanted to have a good time and didn’t take anything too seriously.
We were together for 4 years. We honestly should have never been together. It was a train wreck of a relationship. One of my deal-breakers was smoking. For personal reasons, I didn’t want to deal with it in regard to a significant other. He, however, told me he didn’t smoke only for me to find out he did.
Now you probably are wondering why I never just left. You see that was where the begging, crying, and promising to change part came in. Which gullible me would give in and say okay to every time. He just continued to lie throughout the relationship and it wasn’t just for smoking, but many other things.
I found out he was telling everyone I was some gold digger despite me paying for 70% of our dates and things while he crashed in my place. He did not respect a “no” in terms of intimacy. Told me he “almost” was unfaithful to me.
He was never reliable or on time for anything. Being with him made me into the ugliest version of myself.
Anyways eventually after 4 years, he left me. Claimed he hated me and was embarrassed to be seen with me. It is what it is. I was heartbroken for a bit.
4 years of a fairly manipulative relationship kinda took its toll on me and I was probably fairly attached to him. I had entered my young adulthood with no sense of identity either and never took the chance to explore and develop myself.
9 months later he messaged me on my birthday.
All he had to say was “I know there’s nothing to be happy about right now, but happy birthday.” At that point, something clicked. I was lowkey flourishing… so he could speak for himself. I messaged him to delete my number and proceeded to block him on everything.
Figured that bridge was burned time to move on. I don’t want to bring baggage into any new friendships/relationships.
5 years later. I am happy… pretty content when out of nowhere my best friend messages me saying my ex reached out to her. He claimed he wanted her to give me a letter since he assumed I was still mad at him.
He claimed he wanted to thank me for a lot of things, but to also invite me to his funeral if I would go because he was dying from stage 3 cancer. Well, my response to my friend was “What’s any of that got to do with me?” She was a little surprised. Said sure he never treated me well, but that what he was going through was awful.
Others shared a similar sentiment. Don’t get me wrong. What he is going through is devastating, but it literally does not impact my life. My circle is small, but I am a ride or die for those people in that circle and he removed himself long ago.
I gave him my email for the letter. Should I have more empathy or am I a jaded jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“You have zero obligation towards someone, especially if they treated you that poorly. All memories of him seem just painful and negative, and in my opinion, it’s the right thing to leave that behind.
You don’t owe him anything just because he might feel bad now or whatever. You do the actions you want to do in regards to him that you want to do and what does you good, and if it’s “nothing”, then be so. You’re not grave-dancing, not spiteful, not of ill will, you just don’t want to have anything to do with him anymore, it seems.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I can’t say I had this exact experience, but someone who bullied me a lot in school got diagnosed with cancer a few years ago, and people told me expecting I’d give a darn in any kind of way? Including members of my own family.
I swear they do it expecting some kind of emotional reaction from you, to get a big and “crazy” emotion out of you or something I don’t know. It’s so weird. You can literally see the anticipation in their faces. I told every single person who was notifying me that I didn’t care, and whilst I didn’t wish them any harm despite their own cruelty to me, I just simply didn’t give a darn.
I got called cruel and “cold-hearted” too. But it’s just of no consequence to me, I wasn’t in contact with them for years so why would I care? And even more truthfully, I told my mom that I felt it was karma so I don’t care.
The only true victims and the only people I felt truly sorry for, were her family. I didn’t and don’t wish her harm, but I also don’t give a darn that karma collected the debt owed was my exact wording.
You’re not weird for having the same/similar stance.
Most people would likely feel the same however, they’d probably feel it in secrecy rather than be straight-up about it and feign emotional reactions in public for the sake of token clout or whatever. Which in my opinion, is a lot more disrespectful than just being like “I don’t care”.
Plus, you were assaulted by this man. “He didn’t respect no when it came to intimacy.” You’d be well within your right to be laughing or bathing in his misfortune. If your friend knew of this and still had the reaction they did, they’re a bad friend.
We don’t have to celebrate the lives or mourn the lives of our abusers forget that. Also, a few other people have mentioned and I can confirm you don’t typically start planning funerals at stage 3 so he very well could be faking it either entirely or what stage he is at and using it as emotional leverage to manipulate you once again.” Otherwise-Net1722
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My first thought is that he doesn’t even have cancer. He has just decided he needs a chance to mess with you again. He may actually be sick and think you are the perfect person to hold his hand while he is suffering.
You owe this guy nothing. If he sends you a letter, delete it without reading it. Do not respond. Do not let his negativity back into your life. If anyone gives you a hard time, tell them he is part of your past. He is only someone you used to know.
You are unwilling to bring him back into your life. You have no obligation to absolve him for his sins. If he shows up in person, make sure you say you don’t recognize him. Then tell him he looks like garbage. He messed with you for years, no reason for you not to mess with him.
Do not let him into your house. Do not agree to meet him somewhere. Do not engage. You can say you are sorry he is sick, but he is part of your past, and you aren’t interested in any further interactions. Tell yourself as many times as necessary that you owe him nothing.
Then get on with your happy life without him in it.” Acrobatic_Reality103
11. AITJ For Exposing A Harmful Prank On Freshmen In My College?
“I’m finishing my second year in Software Engineering.
In my first semester, news went around about a presentation worth 50% of our grade, and that it was already too late to submit it.
Now, I’m gullible as anything due to autism, and also have severe anxiety. Being a nearly straight-A student, I’m always attentive to deadlines, so it came as a complete shock for me.
They messed with the college website’s front end to forge prints, and being my first time doing online college, I wasn’t familiar with the system, and couldn’t find any information.
It’s important to say that there was a point when I reached out and begged the person to tell me the truth, explaining my anxiety and everything.
They persisted, and everything spiraled from there. I was soon at the ER due to a strong anxiety attack since I didn’t have any meds at home, having been previously able to keep it under control.
Now, every time they pull this stunt on freshmen, I straight up tell them the truth.
The “pranksters” are mad that I’m “spoiling all the fun”, and that “they need to learn not to trust everything people say”, and that “they went through the same and are fine”. The point is: I hate perpetuating this kind of cycle, and hate the mentality of “if I had to suffer, so do you”.
Therefore, I refused to stop, and they’re saying that I’m not preparing these kids for the “corporate life”, that they need to learn to handle the pressure, etc. I responded with “I doubt any corporation would continuously gaslight their employees with a non-existent deadline, and even if they do, we’ve reached the point where they could end up being rightfully sued”.
They’re all mad at me, and a friend even pulled me aside and said I should just let them because “boys will be boys”. I don’t think I’m in the wrong, but I really need unbiased opinions.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Are you telling me they are hacking the college website to change stuff?
Even if they do actually have legit access to the website, I’m sure it’s against the rules of the college to change it just to mess with people. Most colleges have rules against hazing so even if you don’t want to report the hazing, the messing with the website is something that should be reported because if they are messing with it, they can really mess with other people’s experience and can cause them to fail.
Just curious, what do you mean by “forge prints.”” 3r14nd
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Hazing of any kind is illegal in many states now. Here’s a personal anecdote about how serious these little things can get. I once knew a TA who was an international student.
He came to my office to pick up a bundle of tests and was a little distracted, and after he signed off that he had picked up the tests from me (the proctor) he left the stack behind. I didn’t notice until it was closing time and didn’t want to reboot my work computer to send him a message, so I put it off to the morning.
The man was there at the opening for the office the next day, before I was even there, and basically collapsed in relief when I told him that I still had the tests. He told me that he had spent the entire night frantically retracing his steps looking for the missing test papers all over campus, in the dark, and that this was the last place he was going to check.
He was practically crying
. His home country has very, very high expectations for the very few people who have the privilege to study abroad and a failure of that magnitude was just unacceptable to him. To me, it was a simple mistake but to him, it was life-ending.
You never know what someone’s breaking point is going to be. If the prank isn’t something that a person can laugh about in the moment, like a whoopie cushion, or everyone showing up to class in the same outfit, or a stupid fake story about the mummified remains of the first university president being on display in the basement of the main campus office, it’s not a good prank.” GuyentificEnqueery
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Hazing is just downright stupid and anyone that thinks it’s okay is a moron. You’re doing the right thing by letting others know the truth. That way they can avoid what happened to you. And for the record, you can tell the ones complaining that no corporation would act like that.
If anything, if someone was caught pulling that kind of nonsense, it would more than likely lead to them being fired. Because in the professional world, that sort of thing is not tolerated. As it creates so many problems and issues not just for the business but customers as well.” Old_Inevitable8553
10. AITJ For Telling My Friend Not To Visit After My Surgery?
“I recently had major surgery and feel lucky to have a great medical team plus supportive friends and family. It’s especially fantastic that I have a few close people I can rely on for overnight, in-home stays to care for my kids & household and assist with recovery once home from my hospital stay.
I love that so many more people in my life want to help, but not everyone with good intentions does good. Mostly this is stuff like people bring food/gifts we didn’t ask for and can’t eat/use. Easy to handle graciously: just say “thanks” and get rid of it later.
I need some judgy internet stranger input on how I handled a more challenging situation with a friend, D.
D texted that she planned on visiting me and bought plane tickets for <2 weeks from now. D's great fun and a close friend, but NOT who I want to stay with me now.
Reasons are based on past visits where, for example, she expects a ride from/to the airport, has me carry her suitcase up to the apartment, never puts her dishes in the dishwasher, and never plays a game with any of the kids. I wouldn’t normally expect houseguests to clean or care for kids (especially childless D with limited kid experience), but while I’m incapacitated, I need help from guests I know can provide care, not a “visit” that’s more social.
I tried telling D that she didn’t need to come, I had things covered, later would be better, I wouldn’t be good company. She did not take the hint! She said, “I miss you so much and look forward to entertaining you while you recover!” She is wonderfully entertaining, but it feels exhausting to think about being entertained or having to ask her to do needed chores.
I may be petty interpreting her past behavior and likely don’t have the mental energy while in pain to be nice, so AITJ for telling her directly I feel she’s not the right person to help with our needs and bringing up her lack of experience with kids and relatively high needs when we host her?
She is totally upset with me now. Also, she probably loses $ if she cancels tickets and has to spend $ if she stays in a nearby hotel, which are the options I asked her to consider.
I love that people want to help me and I need help, so after sleeping on it, I feel like a big jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“If you feel petty interpreting her past behavior, just stick with her present behavior. She’s already being high maintenance by steamrolling over your polite ‘hints‘ and putting you in a situation where you’re stressed out by her actions (i.e. buying a plane ticket without clearing it with you first) and worried about her feelings when you need to be resting and focusing on your own recovery.
She might not be doing it on purpose, but clearly, she doesn’t understand how to really be helpful. I’m glad you were able to advocate for yourself instead of just going along with it. NTJ.” EmilyAnne1170
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did the right thing.
I’m sure she’s good fun one-on-one but the last thing you need is an oblivious person ringing for service. If she comes back to you to say how upset she is, you simply say, “I’ve just had major surgery. I can’t put your needs and feelings first right now.” –But I was going to help you!
“You could help me by not putting your needs and feelings first right now.” –Why are you being so mean? “I’ve had surgery and I’m really too tired to talk about your feelings anymore. Can we catch up again in a month?” Just keep hammering home that your recovery period is not about her feelings.” OscillatingFox
Another User Comments:
“First off: No is a complete sentence. No, I cannot host you. No, I cannot go out and have fun. No, I do not want extra spicy chicken sandwiches delivered. Second: Just be blunt. “D, you are so much fun, but I have coverage arranged for my recovery period and that means extra guests are simply extra work for the people helping me.
I am sorry you need to re-arrange your flight and such but I am not going to be able to visit with you until X time. I so appreciate the thought and effort. I look forward to visiting at another time.” D sounds like she is your fun, flighty, high-maintenance friend.
That’s fantastic. It’s just not what you need. Set the boundary and stick to it. Make sure the people who ARE helping you know not to let her in, not to bring her phone calls or facetime or whatever to you.” AlbanyBarbiedoll
9. AITJ For Being Upset That My Parents Babysit My Sister's Kids But Not Mine?
“My parents (50+) always made it clear that they wouldn’t look after my (38M) children (3F 9M) regularly. They will hang out with them if my wife and I are there too.
Once or twice a year, they will babysit them when we go to a restaurant for two hours. Nothing more. We have a great relationship, we see each other regularly, once a week, at my house or theirs.
I have always felt a bit disappointed in them.
I do respect their choice, but I don’t really understand it. I get it, they want to be free, to not have an “agenda” and don’t want any responsibility for their grandchildren. They are both rich and in early retirement, enjoying life and burning all their money, good for them.
We had an argument the other day because they told me they have been taking care of my sister’s (42F) kids (2M, 6F) each Tuesday for the last 6 months and continue doing so because it’s an emergency (their primary babysitter is ill). I pointed out that 6 months isn’t an emergency anymore and that I found it unfair that they look after my sister’s child regularly but absolutely refuse to look after mine.
AITJ? I feel like I can be happy my children have a great relationship with them, but I am the one ensuring that they have time together, it is actually very demanding for me… they never ask to come for dinner or to have us, it is always me, except for Christmas.
At the same time, I feel I have very little support from them. I would accept it, but the fact that my sister’s child gets the support regularly made me angry. I feel like they owe me support with my children, as grandparents. I got over this idea, as they want their freedom and free agenda, flexibility, but can’t get over the difference in treatment.”
Another User Comments:
“INFO: Have you had a frank conversation with your parents about this? One where you let them know you’re prepared to hear hard things? Because we had a very similar situation in my family, and I can tell you the issue was that one family’s kids were far better behaved than the other.
My grandparents genuinely did not have the energy to watch Aunt X’s kids for more than a few hours because those kids were high-energy and low discipline. Whereas Aunt Y’s kids were welcome basically whenever because they were very easy kids to mind and even at a young age, more likely to be a help than a hassle.
With them preferring to see your kids only when a parent is there to mind them, I wonder if they find it difficult to watch your children whereas your sister’s kids are easier for them.” CrewelSummer
Another User Comments:
“I moved a state away from my parents when I was 20.
Back then, they used to visit often, but over time, things changed. My kids are now 24, 20, and 16, and somewhere along the way, we stopped being a priority for my parents. They’ve only taken my kids once—during a days-long power outage—and they didn’t even come to my son’s graduation.
I’ve learned to accept it, but I also made a conscious decision to do things differently. I have a granddaughter now, and she’s my pride and joy. I never say no to watching her because I want to be there for her in a way my parents weren’t for my kids.
You can’t change other people’s choices, but you can decide what you’ll accept and how you’ll show up for the people in your life. One example that still stings: my mom tried to skip my granddaughter’s first birthday by saying she had to be home for garbage pickup—her party was on a Sunday.
I was livid. My sister ended up calling her out, so she came, but that moment opened my kids’ eyes to why I’ve always parented so differently. Breaking that cycle and being the grandparent I wish my kids had is so important to me.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“My ILs never favored my husband, and therefore our children were not the favorites. We work in healthcare. One year we both had to work Christmas Eve. I had no choice but to ask them to watch them until I got off work.
I came home on Dec 23rd to a message that she couldn’t keep our kids because BIL had dropped his off and left. (BIL didn’t work). After scrambling to get someone to watch them, I never asked them again. Fast forward – Our kids are grown and are succeeding in life, especially when compared to their cousins.
One of our kids said, “I think we are doing better because we weren’t exposed to them much growing up.” The moral of the story — your parents do not love your children the way you want them to. It’s not the kids’ fault, nor is it yours.
Your parents are missing out. Nothing you do or say will change how they feel. Expect nothing from them, and you’ll find yourself happy when they show a little interest. You could wait for them to wake up and change, but don’t hold your breath – you might suffocate.
People can’t give what they don’t have. Yours don’t want to be active grandparents for your children. You could likely guilt them into babysitting more, but the kids will be miserable. Believe me – they’ll know they aren’t wanted. I’m sorry you’re going through this.” Recent_Data_305
8. AITJ For Expecting My Roommate To Pay His Share Of Rent And Care For His Pet?
“I (20m) and my partner (20m) have a roommate (19m). We have been friends for many years and we wanted to help get him out of a bad spot.
My partner suggested giving him our extra room & adding him to the lease for our apartment. I thought it was a fine idea, and he happily accepted the offer. Before we started the process, we brought him to the apartment, showed him around, and showed him the room that would be his.
Everything went smoothly and we added him to our lease. Here’s where everything starts to go downhill.
The first month, he purchased an ESA kitten, Pea. Not a big deal, my partner and I also have one. But he doesn’t take care of him.
He locks him out of his room, doesn’t clean his litter box, and doesn’t feed him. At first, I just thought maybe it was just adjusting to having a new pet, and new responsibilities. It wasn’t. After many conversations about taking care of Pea, he only responded with ‘I’m sorry.
I’m sorry’ or nothing, and would just ignore the situation.
He hasn’t done any sort of cleaning since he moved in. It’s a struggle to get him to do chores. He won’t load because he doesn’t like touching the dirty dishes.
I understand that I’m autistic, and I have to be wearing my dish gloves when I’m loading the dishwasher, because gross. When I suggested what worked for him, he got really upset and refused to talk to me for days. He still won’t come to me about things, and instead goes to my partner.
This month, however, things took a major dip. I went to the ER late one night and had an emergency surgery. I was on heavy painkillers and slept for almost a week and a half. I got a call from the office asking about a $700 charge that hadn’t been paid to my account.
I was confused, I had mostly assumed that he would have paid the rent, considering he had for the two months prior. When I brought it up to him, he insisted he sent the money, when I looked, it was for last month’s rent.
I brought it up again, trying to make it less awkward by joking around and just telling him mistakes happen. He responds by complaining to me that it’s going to take up all his paycheck. I told him that I could pay $100 of it but that’s genuinely all I could do, because I had been in the ER, and had missed a week and a half of work without pay.
He stormed off, saying I was a bad friend. Now he’s not talking to me, and he still hasn’t paid his rent.
I talked to my mom about it, and she said I was being too rough on him, and to offer to pay half.
I told her absolutely not, and she told me I was being stuck up. So I just want to know if I’m the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ/ Don’t listen to your mother unless she wants to pay his rent this and every month.
She has no stake in this. You’ve now learned an expensive lesson about trying to help people who don’t want to help themselves. Get out of this, get him out (won’t be easy because he’s on the lease), and get on with your life. By the way, you don’t need to call every animal an ESA.
“Pet” is fine, too. Clearly, roommate isn’t treating Pea as he should.” CandylandCanada
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t know what’s wrong with your mom. Don’t ever engage in business dealings with your friends unless you’re willing to either give them your money or let the relationship go south.
Adults don’t randomly end up “in a bad spot.” There’s often a reason they’re there. Sometimes that reason is understandable: a sudden illness, a natural disaster, or just an unfortunate one-off occurrence. If their circumstances were out of their hands, by all means, step in and lend a hand until they can stand on their own again.
Other times, however, their situation is of their own making: they’re addicted to substances, hanging out with criminals, or mentally unstable. In those cases think very carefully about whether you want to wade into that quagmire or not. You think you’re conducting a rescue operation, but really you’re just jumping into the boiling pot alongside them.
I doubt you’ll ever see your money. Even if you sue, you can’t extract money from someone who doesn’t have any. Depending on where you live it’s going to be tough to evict him. I recommend letting the lease expire before moving somewhere else where you don’t need to deal with a roommate who isn’t paying their share.” SomeoneYouDontKnow70
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, DO NOT PAY ANY MORE FOR THIS LEECH. His financial situation is not your problem, you need to look after yourself (and apparently both of the cats). He needs to learn some basic respect for you, he is not entitled to your time/ money/ ability to do house chores just because you are friends and it is time for a reality check.
Also, he is an absolutely miserable human being for neglecting his cat’s basic needs – if he cannot look after an animal, he shouldn’t have one. (As I am sure YOU know) Animals are not robots and they deserve to be treated with dignity and care, he cannot exploit the cat for his mental health and then neglect the care.
I’m not sure if there’s anything you can do legally regarding the cat situation, but he should not be allowed to keep the cat if he doesn’t look after it. And tell your partner to stop enabling this guy’s avoidance of you, he shouldn’t be the designated mediator in the household.
Your housemate will just have to address issues that concern you all with both of you.” TopSecret34Throwaway
7. AITJ For Refusing To Pay Half For A Gate That Benefits My Neighbors More Than Us?
“About one year ago my fiance and I purchased some land in a newly developed area.
All of the houses are less than 10 years old. Our land is down a long driveway. The driveway is shared with another piece of land next to us.
The previous owner of our land and the owner of the other empty property both intended to build houses but unforeseen circumstances happened and they ran out of money.
Unknown to us when we bought the land, they had both agreed to let all of the kids in the neighborhood use the land as a playground. They had also allowed the house between our property and the road to take down a section of the fence between their backyard and our driveway so they could get a trailer directly to their backyard.
The fence panels they removed still exist and are sitting in their backyard, leaning against the remainder of the fence.
We started building a house immediately after purchase and are almost finished. We’ve come to realize the gap in the fence is a major problem.
All of the neighborhood kids play together in their backyard (they have kids) and use the driveway as a shortcut to the empty section and friends’ houses. On multiple occasions, we’ve had to slam on our breaks because a kid has run out of the gap, across our driveway.
The driveway is a steep hill and it’s not easy to stop quickly, especially with trucks arriving with building supplies, etc.
The gap also looks very messy. It’s where they hide all of their rubbish etc they don’t want to be seen from the front of their house but it is the front of OUR house.
Garden waste, dirt, etc slides off their section and onto our driveway.
We told them we want to put the fence back up and that we would happily be the ones to do it. My husband is a builder and repairing a fence is a relatively easy job for him.
They replied that they agree because of the safety issue, which they claimed to be unaware of, but they intend to put a gate in so they can continue to get a trailer to their backyard. Initially, we were against this but they made a good argument for themselves, promised to only use it a few times a year with advance permission and to always tidy up any mess.
We reluctantly agreed.
Fast forward a few weeks and we get a message saying they have a quote for getting a gate installed. $700 and they expect us to pay half because it’s a shared fence. We were shocked. We replied no and explained the gate is only benefiting them and that we should not have to pay for them to use our driveway.
They replied that was an abrupt response and that we had told them we would happily help with the fence. I replied yes, with a fence, not a gate, and by help we meant my husband put back the original fence at no cost to anyone not fund a gate that only benefits them.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but almost a jerk to yourselves. Are there adverse possessor laws in your country? If you’re unsure, you should look into that. I don’t think you should have agreed to a gate in the first place. Your property is yours and yours alone and I don’t see them actually asking and waiting for permission each time they need to use it.
Also, they’re going to get annoyed each time you try to say no. This just seems like it will become a mess. And what happens if they sell? Lastly, they have a lot of nerve asking for you to pay half. They’re showing you who they are – believe them.” friendlily
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I would absolutely not allow this agreement to continue. Stop it right here and now before things get worse, even if it makes you the bad guy. I’ve been in this situation and it will not stop with this.
Your yard is their yard and they will make everything a fight from here on out. Just put the fence back and enjoy your new home with your husband. You don’t owe them your backyard as a neighborhood playground, and you don’t owe them your driveway as a shortcut.” treehuggerfroglover
Another User Comments:
“”Dear neighbor, your request to my paying half of the price for a gate which is only useful for you, while I was gonna put the old fence for free, has made me rethink everything. My husband and I tried to be friendly with you, but your behavior during our construction wasn’t friendly, and this request of yours is the last straw.
I revoke our permission to build your gate, and right now my husband is going to put our fence in place. Thank you for understanding.” NTJ.” Important-Stomach977
6. AITJ For Excusing Myself From Dinner Due To My Misophonia?
“I (16F) was diagnosed with misophonia at age 12. Some of my family knows that, specifically, family I frustrate enough to know that. They’ve respected it, and haven’t used it against me if we get into a disagreement or if something doesn’t go their way.
For those who don’t know, misophonia is when someone has strong reactions to certain sounds/triggers, and it overwhelms them, brings them to tears, makes them go into fight or flight, etc.
Tonight I was at a family dinner, and quite a few of my triggers popped up and kept happening.
A few of them were sniffling, open-mouth chewing (mouth sounds), very heavy breathing, and lip-smacking. I was controlled in the situation and simply excused myself from dinner for a few minutes just to relieve myself from the ongoing noises at the dinner table. After around 5 minutes, I went back, but my mother was very quiet and cold towards me the rest of the night.
When we got back home, I asked her if there was something wrong or if I did something to upset her. She started talking about how rude it was for me to excuse myself from dinner just because of “simple noises that I was overreacting about”.
The thing is, I didn’t even say to my family that I was overstimulated, I just said I was going to the bathroom. To my mother, however, I apparently have a specific look on my face whenever I get overwhelmed/overstimulated. I sort of knew about it, but I try to keep it straight whenever I get like that.
I feel I wasn’t in the wrong for just taking a few minutes away from my triggers, and just calming myself down. She said that it was rude of me to “interrupt” dinner when I never actually did. I just said I was going to the bathroom.
Was I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Excusing yourself in a calm and controlled manner citing use of the WC…NTJ. I have this condition and empathize. That being said, in the future excusing yourself from any table does not require a reason (including use of the toilet): you can just say “excuse me for a moment”, put your napkin on your chair, and come back when you’re ready.
I swear by a company called Loops, specifically the Switch 2.0. They’re incredible for noise canceling/reducing, filtering sound, and organizing it without suffering sound quality i.e. you can hear regular conversations. They allow you to switch between 3 modes of nice reduction. Bonus feature – they are certified to use as PPE (I work in dentistry).” TheSnugglyDucklingX
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You had 2 options. To politely excuse yourself to the restroom with no mention of your need for a few minutes to calm yourself, which caused zero disruption to the dinner. Or you could have stayed at the table, with your triggers escalating until you went into fight or flight and jumped up disrupting everything.
You chose the mature and logical option and the only person who objected to your behavior is your judgmental mother. I’d ask her why she’s so irritated by a condition you can’t control? Why did she object to you just going to the bathroom which everyone does and making you feel guilty after?
This is your mom’s problem, not yours. I’m proud of you for handling this event with dignity and taking care of yourself. You did nothing wrong and your mom should be ashamed of herself. NTJ.” forgetregret1day
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I used to get an upset stomach EVERY time my family would take me out to dinner when I was a kid.
My therapist and I have been talking about it recently and we’re pretty sure it is because I have misophonia. When I was younger, things like that weren’t looked at or thought of. Having a diagnosis, and knowing how to manage your triggers (politely by excusing yourself from the table) is a blessing.
You handled that gracefully. It sounds like your mother has issues of her own she needs to address. She should be grateful she doesn’t have an undiagnosed daughter who would be back and forth to the bathroom throughout dinner, stressing out, having full-blown panic attacks, and begging her to leave before she could finish her meal. I ruined so many dinners out simply because I had no idea what was causing me to feel so sick and had no idea how to manage it.” Perfect_Beat_2860
5. AITJ For Cancelling Plans With A Friend Due To A Sudden Illness?
“I was supposed to meet a friend but 2 hours before going I developed a pretty bad fever. I have never canceled on her. Literally never. She got upset saying I’ve ruined her Saturday because now she can’t make other plans. I’ve apologized and said that I couldn’t predict the fever and it never happened before.
Next, she started asking if I had negative feelings towards her and if I was bored by her company…I literally just got sick and can’t leave my bed. I do find her reaction very dramatic because it’s the first time I canceled and I personally would never get mad if someone were sick…
Next, she said I disrespected her by not replying for 2 hours but I was taking a nap… She called me arrogant and spoiled because she thought my sorry message wasn’t good enough.
Am I the jerk in this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Any person who hasn’t the tiniest bit of compassion to understand that people can get sick at a moment’s notice isn’t really a friend at all.
No, they are self-centered and only think of themselves and do you really want to be around those types of people? I wouldn’t, I would put them on blast and really give them that message. It is totally unacceptable to act in that manner.” PumpkinPowerful3292
Another User Comments:
“Does your soon-to-be-former friend think you should have exposed her to whatever gave you the fever?? NTJ, but she sure is. She could have gone to a movie or a club or stayed in and watched some guilty pleasure. She’s chosen a drawn-out temper tantrum instead.
You’re not responsible for her sense of disappointment if you get sick. She sounds exhausting, and not good friends-for-life material.” MissionHoneydew2209
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She sounds pretty insecure. Why can’t she make other plans? I will say sudden fevers are hard to understand. I developed one on my way to work and my boss was furious with me.
Like I was fine when I walked out the door, then within minutes I had a fever and aches. She couldn’t understand why I didn’t call hours earlier. If a nurse can be that incredulous about a sudden fever, then a regular person would be too.
But it should be enough that you are staying home and sleeping.” HortenseDaigle
4. AITJ For Being Stressed About My MIL's Choice Of Dress For My Wedding?
“I (Female) have been with my fiancé (male) for 12 years and was proposed to May 4, 2024. We agreed to have the wedding on May 5 2025 to match our anniversary (July 4th/July 5th). He asked me to be his partner on July 4th at midnight which would make it July 5th (we keep disagreeing on the subject.
lol). I’ve been planning a lot of it to save money and I’m very artistic too so I’ve been doing a lot of the hands-on labor as well. He has been funding a lot of it.
I spoke to my bridesmaids and showed them the dress and color I would like them to wear (dusty pink) and the groom’s (pink & white) and groomsmen’s (cream & pink ties & pink vest) outfits.
I showed my future mother-in-law what color and style of dress I wanted her and my mother to wear (a darker pink) and the grandmothers as well. I told her she could pick her own style dress but that’s the color I would like for it to be.
MIL was ok with it but then started scrolling online and showed me the dress she wanted which fits the pink, I’m ok with it and I said sure no problem. She keeps looking and finds another dress which happens to be the pink and exact dress that I picked out for the bridesmaids.
I politely tell her that’s the dress I picked out for the bridesmaids please pick something else. She goes back to scrolling we get up to leave to take my fiancé’s brother out to celebrate his birthday at a gaming bar he asked to go to and she goes and shows the 2 dresses to my fiancé and asks him to pick which dress she would look nice in as I’m in the bathroom.
When I came out he picked the bridesmaid dress that I had shown him and clearly told her no to and she had agreed with him and ordered the dress.
Now I’m trying to scramble since the wedding is 6 months away to find a new dress for the bridesmaids and color since she went and ordered the dress.
I spoke to my mom and my bridesmaids and tried to go back to the drawing board but just thinking about it makes me so upset. He spoke to his mom about it and she called me but the way she addressed it was like oh I already ordered it is there any way I can keep it since I don’t have much money to order another dress kinda making me feel bad and guilty over it.
But each time I look for another dress it’s like I had my mind set on that one for them and now I have to figure it out.
I texted my fiancé today as he’s at work to vent to him how I’m struggling to find a new dress and how it’s upsetting that I have to even do this and he asks me why I’m being so difficult and tells me it’s just a dress and is annoyed by me bringing it up and says in an annoyed tone I’ll tell her to not wear it then and buy her another dress since you’re complaining about it.
But I’m like I showed you what everybody was going to wear so we can match accordingly why would you even agree to it knowing that’s the dress I picked for them? He claimed he forgot & apparently, I’m being the problem… and causing friction.
So am I being the jerk over this dress issue?”
Another User Comments:
“It’s a major problem that your fiancé doesn’t have your back and won’t stand up to his mother on your behalf. On the bright side, she’ll look absolutely ridiculous and pathetic dressed up like a bridesmaid.
It won’t make you or your wedding look bad at all like it might if she wore white or something that clashed, but people will think she looks silly. If anyone asked about it, you can tell the truth: you told her that you already picked that dress out for the bridesmaids, but she wanted to wear it anyway.
It’s a neutral, factual statement; the truth makes her look foolish. It doesn’t matter at all why it’s upsetting to you. It doesn’t matter if your fiancé doesn’t understand why it’s upsetting or if none of the commenters here think you’re “right” to be upset.
It’s your wedding, you don’t like it, and therefore she shouldn’t do it and your fiancé shouldn’t allow her to do it. It’s not as if you try to control her wardrobe on a regular basis. You asked her to wear a specific color and any dress that the bridesmaids aren’t wearing.
It’s not much to ask.” cminus38
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I personally don’t care one bit who wears what, even at a wedding. However, I know it’s very important to a significant number of brides. You were very clear with your ‘partner’ about it, and very very clear with your future MIL.
She has issues, and they will only get worse after the marriage. She will force herself and her way on everything going forward. It will be a million times worse when kids are involved. That’s nightmare fuel right there. Your fiancé, who is supposed to be your partner, couldn’t even hold his ground about a dress.
How on earth do you think he will be able to take your side in anything actually important? Or the kids? He will let her have her way and say that you are the problem. This is a whole Olympic troupe of (red) flag wavers, or NYC at night having all the signs with flashing red flags level warning.
Please be aware that you are now, and will always be, second to her. Or third? As for the dress, if you still go forward with the marriage, couldn’t you just have all the moms/slash grandmas wear those and the bridesmaids wear the other?
Like simply switch it?” KaoJin-Wo
Another User Comments:
“MIL knew exactly what she was doing. She waited until you went to the bathroom so she could ask her son. I would bet that she led him to choose that particular dress. She knew that it was the BM dress and decided to use this as some sort of power play.
She probably hoped that you would make it a whole deal so she could say you were the one who was overreacting, how it’s his wedding too, and make the point of how he is the one who chose the dress FOR her and not the other way around.
She wants to seem special and more important because you have her matching the bridesmaids. See her power play and raise her.
I would let her keep the dress she just HAD to have just because you said no and choose a completely new color scheme for everyone to wear instead.
She has the dress that she ordered and since she doesn’t have any money to get another dress there is no need to even include her. Let everyone else look nice in their coordinating color while she sticks out and looks like she doesn’t belong.
Don’t say anything to her about any of it. Tell her and your fiance both at the same time, “As for the dress, you win, keep it, and wear it to the wedding, I’m sure you’ll look amazing in it.” Leave it at that. Don’t tell her you’ll find another dress/color or anything.
Let her think she really did win and get this over on you. Don’t mention anything to your fiance about you changing the dress and the colors completely just do it. Do not show them any more of your choices. I would also keep her at arm’s length from now on and don’t include her in anything else related to the wedding.
Be wary of MIL in the future because this won’t be the last time she does something like this. NTJ.” TheBlueLady39
3. AITJ For Spraying Water On My Wife's Face To Wake Her Up?
“My wife sleeps like a rock every night.
She gets into this very deep sleep and nothing can disturb it. When our twins were babies, she never heard them cry during the night. It didn’t bother me until recently. She decided that she was going to wake up early every day as a part of a “self-care routine”.
She sets up a thousand alarms every 10 minutes from 5 am to 6 am. She doesn’t hear any of them.
I, however, am awake since the first alarm at 5 am, I wake her up and I can’t fall back asleep so I toss and turn until I have to get up for work.
She doesn’t wake up immediately after I talk to her, I have to shake her and talk to her constantly until she’s up and I don’t mind doing that at 7 am but 5 am is simply cruel!!! This has been going on for 2 weeks and I am exhausted.
Yesterday, I decided I had enough of this nonsense and when her first alarm went off, I took my water bottle and sprayed water on her face. She was awake instantly, turned off her torture device (phone) and I could go back to sleep. She didn’t say anything so I did it again this morning.
She’s apparently furious because it’s extremely rude to splash her with water, not once but twice. I think it’s also extremely rude to keep me sleep deprived but she disagrees.”
Another User Comments:
“Eh, my judgment is reserved until you clarify whether or not you’ve actually had a conversation about this before going such a drastic route.
Because it IS rude to spray water in someone’s face, but it’s also rude and damaging to someone’s health to purposely mess with their sleep schedule. My spouse and I have had to have this convo because we both like to hit snooze but have done so inconsiderately in the past, so now if our snooze wakes the other up, our rule is we don’t get to hit snooze again that morning and get up since we disturbed the other person.” Repulsive-Exercise-4
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She doesn’t seem to care how her inability to react to her alarms affects you, that’s extremely rude and short-sighted. Spraying her in the face is rude but also effective so at least what you’re doing has some positive part. I agree with another poster though, if you have a spare room I’d tell her your new self-care routine is actually getting a good night’s sleep and you’ve decided the guest bedroom is now *your* bedroom.
She’s not the only person in the house who is allowed to prioritize themselves. If she doesn’t like this she needs to seek out help and figure out a solution because your well-being should matter to her…” Fickle_Map_3703
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I used to sleep like a corpse as a child, and I was on the top bunk of a bunk bed. It was so bad that my mother would come in and talk to me and I could actually respond to her clearly but still be asleep, and I’d have no memory of the exchange lol.
Her solutions were many and varied, but some highlights were: Pouring ice cold water on me. Putting the dog up on the bunk with me because she couldn’t get down and she’d trample me. clanging pots and pans next to me, and I believe once she even used an air horn.
I still sleep quite soundly but thankfully it never takes me past the second alarm anymore. Sometimes people need a little extra help. And while I was annoyed in the moment, I realized later that I was the one messing up the works. If your wife hates it so much then soon she’ll start waking up.” dudehovel
2. AITJ For Wanting To Split Vacation Costs Equally With Friends?
“I (30m) have a group of five friends from university who are around the same age as me. For the past two years, we’ve gone on vacation together—first to Mexico and then last year to Egypt. We’ve always had a great time, and we get along well.
However, when it comes to sharing costs, I find myself struggling. It’s not the group that has an issue; it’s me who has the problem.
To provide some context, we all met at university nine years ago and have been working for the last five years.
Our university was ranked number one in the country at the time (though I no longer keep track of the rankings), and we all landed jobs just a month after graduation. I mention this to illustrate that we are all financially secure; I know for a fact that each of us earns between €80,000 and €100,000 annually.
In terms of vacation costs, I typically spend around $3,000 for each trip, which is more than my friends spend since I’m more comfortable with spending. Additionally, I’m aware that the vacation money we receive amounts to at least double what any of them has spent on these trips.
So this is the problem I have: every night, they ask for a check, start checking off items for everyone, and then make that person pay exactly that amount. To me, that’s embarrassing: getting nasty looks from the waitress who doesn’t make in a day what these people make in an hour, waiting there for ten to fifteen minutes while they argue about who had what, and then starting to count bills and coins to pay.
I suggested we split the bill five ways, but they don’t want to do that. They have mentioned that I’m the only one who drinks booze with dinner and that it’s not fair if they have to pay extra for it. We are talking about maybe two euros.
I even offered to pay more, but they still refused because some are not big eaters and don’t think they should pay extra for others. It’s four vs one. To make matters worse, they spent every night comparing Uber bills because, maybe I paid a couple of euros less for the ride…
So now they are planning a trip for this year, and it could be the last one as some of them want to start families, but I’m thinking of saying no, I can’t do this anymore. I enjoy our trips, but getting a pay request of three euros because I had a couple of glasses of rum someone else bought at the supermarket at our hotel messes with my mood.
But I’m also the only one who has a problem with this, and I want to ask if I’m the jerk or if this is just a really strange way to handle finances.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You openly admit that you spend more than your friends as standard, you drink more, eat more, and choose more expensive things.
But when it comes to paying you think they should subsidise you by splitting evenly? Splitting the bill evenly when everyone ordered around the same amount is one thing, but it’s always the one who eats the most and drinks the most who thinks an even split is fair.
I’m little so I don’t eat a lot, I also don’t drink, why should I pay for someone else’s meal?” TheGameGirler
Another User Comments:
“Go to Germany or Austria for your next trip. What your friends are doing is standard there but will be done by the waiter, so no angry looks or debating.
The waiter will ask ‘zusammen oder getrennt’ (all together or separate?) And if you say ‘separate’ the waiter will turn to the first person and ask him what he wants to pay for, then add up how much that will be, the first person pays, gets his change/card back and then the waiter moves on to the next person.
It’s no big deal, super fast because the waiters are used to doing this and basically any normal restaurant will do it by default.” HufflepuffFan
Another User Comments:
“Totally get why you’re feeling this way. You’re cool with spending a bit extra without sweating the small stuff, but your friends seem hyper-focused on splitting every last penny.
When people have different spending vibes, it’s bound to cause some tension, especially on a trip that’s supposed to be about relaxing and having a good time. It doesn’t sound like you’re against splitting things fairly; you just want a less nickel-and-dime approach.
Maybe have an upfront chat with them before the trip… let them know you respect how they handle expenses, but the constant itemizing is killing the vibe for you. If they’re not down to ease up a bit, then honestly, it might be better to skip this one.
Vacations should be about enjoying yourself, not stressing over a couple of bucks here and there. That doesn’t make you the jerk, it’s just a different approach to handling group expenses.” owemart
1. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be In The Delivery Room During My Wife's Labor?
“We’re (m26, f23) expecting our baby girl in early July.
(Praying she’s on time so we don’t end up with a 4th of July baby!)
Recently we began discussing who my wife wants in the delivery room. She wants both me and her mom… A bit weird in my opinion. Anyway, I told her I don’t want to be there during the delivery.
Only before and after. I see no point in it. It’s not going to be beautiful, just messy. Her mom’s been through it so I think she’d be a better support than me. If her mom takes care of and watches whatever mess happens in there, I’ll gladly take care of the mess that comes after pregnancy.
My wife is visibly upset about this… Calls me names and all kinds of things. She even told her mom so she’s mad at me too. Personally, I just don’t wish to see it. I’ve heard horror stories about what happens during labor… I don’t want to see my wife that way.
WIBTJ if I’m not in the delivery room?”
Another User Comments:
“Uh yeah YTJ. Grow up, dude. Your wife is about to go through probably one of the most painful experiences in her life, and she wants the two people she loves the most to be able to be there to comfort her.
Don’t be a jerk and ultimately ruin what your wife probably considers one of the most important moments of her life. Personally, I’m not crazy about children but the fact that your wife is clearly very upset about this means that this is really important to her and you’re acting like a complete child.
“Ewwww… birth… so gross.” Get over yourself lol. Frankly, this isn’t even about the kid all that much. It’s about being a good partner. OP’s wife could be getting any other medical treatment and it would still be the same. Wife could be getting chemo and want OP to be there at the hospital to support her, and OP could be like “I don’t want to be there because it would be gross to see her vomit and she would be ugly without hair”.
It would be the same thing, really.” AmbiguousLemur
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. So it’s okay to get your intimacy but when it comes time to support your wife in what will be one of the most vulnerable and painful times in her life you duck out?
Not only are you a jerk, but you also come across as self-centered and ignorant. My husband did not find childbirth magical at all (neither did I for that matter) but he was still there to hold my hand and advocate for me, alongside my mother.
The more support she has the better. Put aside your own ignorant feelings and support your darn wife.” Mysticalia89
Another User Comments:
“What the frick? Yes YTJ. I don’t think any man WANTS to be there when it’s all going down, but goodness don’t you love your wife enough to support her through CHILDBIRTH?
She’s pushing a human being out of her body. All you have to do is hold your hand and tell her she’s doing a good job. If my partner fought back so hard about that I would reconsider my relationship with them. Huge YTJ.” user5274980754
My husband has never regretted being there. Talk to dads who have been there. They'll tell you, they wouldn't have missed it.
