People Can’t Sleep Until Their “Am I The Jerk?” Situations Are Dealt With
23. AITJ For Being Upset That My Sister Wants To Overshadow My Birthday Party?
“I (23) have a younger sister (21) who has always been the spotlight of attention wherever we go. Before she got cosmetic enhancement I would be called pretty and have guys who were interested in me, however, after she got her nose and lips done it’s as if every man on earth has only eyes for her.
Not only that but my friends keep talking about how beautiful she is. I know I sound jealous because I am to a degree even though it’s difficult to admit. I usually don’t have a problem with it while it does suck at times.
My birthday is this week and I’m throwing a big party with all of my friends and classmates from uni.
This whole week long she has been telling me and asking me to let her wear a specific champagne-colored dress to my party. The whole thing is casual, no one is going to dress up and this is a very fancy dress. Also, the fact that this was my dream dress that I wanted to buy for myself but couldn’t because I didn’t have the funds for it, and her knowing this bought it for herself.
Now she wants to wear it and she keeps saying “I’m going to steal all the attention to myself at your birthday” in a “joking way”. She has repeated it 6 times over 5 days while I repeatedly asked her not to joke about it because it hurts my feelings.
She keeps telling me that me getting upset at her for making that joke is not normal and just shows how insecure I am.
She’s not speaking to me now and said that she won’t attend the party at all, I don’t like fighting with her because besides this stuff we are super close and love each other.
I’m not sure if she’s just being a jerk or it’s just me being insecure. Should I apologize? I do want her to come to my party and have fun together I’m just not sure how to tackle this.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and why was she even invited in the first place?
You don’t get along and she sounds selfish and attention-seeking. Plus she’s extremely insecure so she’s a hypocrite as well. I would definitely keep her away because she will try to come wearing that dress. In general, I would keep as much distance as you can from her.
After you build up a life surrounded by people who love and support you, and who don’t compete with you, you’ll gain self-confidence and her antics won’t bother you as much because you’ll see how vapid they are.” friendlily
Another User Comments:
“How your sister is acting is not loving.
You tell her that something she is saying is hurting you and she keeps doing it. It is probably for the best that she does not come to the party because she IS going to try to steal the spotlight and make the party all about her.
That is not a question, she has told you that is her plan. And you shouldn’t have to worry about this at your party. Just have fun with your friends. Go low contact with her for now, and have a chat with her after the party.
NTJ.” Routine-Focus-9429
Another User Comments:
“I can understand why you feel the way you do, she’s acting out for a reason and it will catch up to her eventually. She’s getting under your skin for a reason, possibly on purpose. I can almost guarantee that at some point in her life, even this moment she is also jealous of you.
My sister and I are the same age and ran into some of the same fights as you when we were young. It’s great being that close in age but it can also be frustrating. I don’t think any jerks here because you’ve told her how you feel, your feelings are valid and she won’t recognize that.
And besides the attention she is getting isn’t necessarily the best kind of attention, I would rise above that, always be yourself.” g**************n
22. AITJ For Charging My Sister For Her Wedding Cake After Gifting One To My Other Sister?
“I (25f) am the youngest of 3 half-sisters. My dad had Mia (34f) with his ex-partner. He married Kate’s (30f) mom and divorced when Kate was a year old.
He is married to my mom now. I grew up with both Mia and Kate but I don’t think they spent a lot of time together. Their moms just had different schedules.
When I was 19, Mia got married. It was a small wedding with under 40 people.
I just started my baking business and was honored to have my wedding cake at her wedding. I went all out and got a lot of compliments. It was great advertising for me. I told Mia my cake was my wedding gift for her.
Last month Kate got engaged. She recently approached me and asked me to do her wedding cake as well.
Around 100 guests with several allergies to watch for including eggs and flour.
I am still baking as a side business. I have a day job and only do pre-order cakes and cookies now. It is doing extremely well but I love my day job so I don’t bake full time.
I sent Kate an invoice with a deep family discount. She lost it on me, saying I baked for Mia’s wedding for free, so why did she get charged? I told her because Mia’s cake was smaller with no restrictions. Hers is to be for more than double the number of Mia’s guests and I have to find ways around all the food restrictions.
Her design was also much more fancy.
Kate still says it is not fair one sister has to pay for her cake while the other didn’t. She also made a point that Mia and her now husband are both engineers and make good money while she and her fiancé don’t make as much yet I chose to gift Mia a free cake while charging them.
I know I will not be in financial ruin or anything if I decide to make Kate her cake for free. I just think it’s a ridiculous amount of money I have to spend for her wedding gift. If I insist I get paid, WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Bigger, more complicated cakes cost more money and time. Tell Kate you already gifted her the same amount of money you gave Mia, the deep family discount. No one is entitled to your time and effort. If you feel like charging for your service, then go for it.” BBQQuails
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But tell Kate to order her cake from a “professional baker”. She does not appreciate how labor-intensive and time-consuming her ask is, not to mention the cost of ingredients. I have a feeling that if you do bake her the cake and decide to give in to her pressure and give it to her as a wedding gift she will still be unhappy.
Generally, it is pretty bad manners to demand gifts. Which is what Kate is doing. Don’t give in, it’s not worth the headache and she won’t be pleased anyway.” Wonderful-Result2036
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you were just starting out your baking business.
Your eldest sister and her partner (as you mentioned) had the financial means to get something special, but decided that they would like you to make it for them. Unsure if it was their intention, but it helped you get your name out there and have a good reputation.
For your other sister’s wedding, it still took a lot from you to have to make a cake for such a large crowd, with a fancy design and catering to their dietary requirements. It is understandable to want to gift the cake to your other sister, but it wasn’t so simple.
If she expected the cake for free, she should’ve talked to you about it. You even gave her a “family discount.”” xBaseTrooperNz
If she would like to have an extra cake that includes all the dietary restrictions, that would be great, but you don't do those cakes. So, then there would be 2 cakes: 1 that you made that people without dietary restrictions may eat, and an extra one from a bakery for the people who have issues.
21. AITJ For Not Deep Cleaning My Room Before Moving Out Early For My Roommate's Partner?
“My roommate of almost 2 years asked me to leave the apartment 4 months early so her significant other from Orlando and his dog could move in. She “asked” me multiple times, about 2 months out from when her request was made.
The lease ended in April, and her significant other wanted to move in January.
She originally told me I could leave at the latest date of January 15th, and I was able to work out the new apartment having a move-in date of the 9th.
She then asked if I could move out on the 8th instead, but I told her the apartment was adamant about the 9th. She agreed to the 9th.
On the move-out/move-in date, the apartment wasn’t ready until 3:00 PM. I got the Uhaul at 1:00 PM and began loading my room and bathroom up.
I did a deep clean of these spaces right at the new year, but did not have time after moving everything out of the room to get the baseboards behind the bed, the ceiling fan, and re-wipe the counters down. Upon arrival at the new apartment, none of the floors were done and wouldn’t be done until the weekend.
I extended the Uhaul and had to stay at the Red Roof Inn during this time, since the significant other was already moving in bright & early on the 10th.
She then sent me a long, aggressive text about how they needed to re-vacuum, wipe the counters down, and dust the baseboards.
I had removed everything from the room, and these were the last few steps remaining. She also then accused me of taking her mug and requested it back ASAP. There was also damage in the tub, that I recognize I should’ve taken care of prior.
I filed a maintenance request and they confirmed they fixed it ASAP. I then tried to get my name off of the lease, but she refused to meet downstairs at the office and sent her significant other instead, making me drive across town for no reason, since my name is still on the lease to this date but thought I would do a favor by not pressing further in order to be accountable for move out fees.
Then, I hear word that she is gossiping to people in similar circles that I “did her so dirty” by not cleaning the bedroom. I am a very clean person by nature, and everything was removed and cleaned in a timeline I could accommodate. I felt blindsided by this and now I am a huge jerk, when I did them a massive favor?
Not sure if I’m the jerk or not?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but there are some legal matters here. Your name is still on the lease (I would expect management still holds your portion of the deposit). The significant other has moved in, but his name is not on the lease; he needs to pay his share of the deposit.
Also, there needs to be some sort of formal inspection by management to release your deposit and document the condition the significant other moved into. You need to somehow leverage this information against your ex-roommate.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did some cleaning, and you were doing her a favor after she was being a jerk and honestly inconveniencing you.
I don’t know where you are, but moving in January where I live (when it is winter) is a big difference from moving in April (when it’s spring). Not to mention planning, what apartments are available. Make sure you’re not financially liable and wash your hands of this situation.
If people start stuff with you, you’re welcome to give your side and focus on the facts.” FancyPantsDancer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Let’s get back to the fact that you’re still on that lease. You did her a massive favor by agreeing to be kicked out four months early in favor of her significant other.
You agreed on a date, you’re moving out even before that day, and she still asked for more, and consented to “allow “you to move out when your new place would be ready oh gee thanks. Your old bedroom is presumably a spare bedroom or office for them now.
They feel the need to re-vacuum? Oh, the horror. In the time it took me to write this answer that would’ve been done. Ignore what she’s saying on social media or to her friends, or absolutely call her out, but either way, pay no mind you are most definitely not the jerk here.” dart1126
20. AITJ For Not Letting My Neighbor Constantly Use My Driveway?
“I live in a suburban neighborhood where the houses are fairly close together. My next-door neighbor’s house is situated behind mine, and their driveway is narrow and difficult to drive. As a result, they often struggle to park their large SUV in their own driveway.
Recently, my neighbor came to me and asked if they could use my driveway to park their car and access their home. They told me that it would only be temporary and that it would make their lives much easier. Initially, I was hesitant, but I agreed to let them use my driveway on a trial basis.
However, after a few weeks, I noticed that their car was constantly parked in my driveway, making it difficult for me to access my own garage. Plus, their guests started using my driveway as well, creating even more congestion.
I spoke to my neighbor and explained that the situation wasn’t working out for me, and I asked them to stop using my driveway.
They became upset and argued that I was being selfish and rude to them.
I mean I really know their situation, but I feel that my driveway is my personal space, and I shouldn’t have to give it up for their convenience. AITJ for not letting my neighbor use my driveway to access their home?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t want to start handing out permission to use your property with no set limits anyway. They also started abusing what you did agree to by allowing their friends to park in your driveway without asking for permission. They’re going to be those kinds of folks who when given an inch will take a mile.
They either bought the house knowing their car didn’t fit in the driveway or they bought the car knowing it didn’t fit in their driveway.” botswa
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They bought that house and they bought that SUV. Their choices, not yours. You don’t owe them anything.
You were nice and tried it out, but it didn’t work out. End of story. Their behavior shows entitlement. You are not rude for expecting that your property boundaries be respected (I presume that you live in a place like most in the world, where the driveway is part of your property’s land, not a public space).” Yrene_IV
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You very generously allowed them to use it temporarily, you made clear to them that you were willing to have a trial to see if it worked. It didn’t work out. They are no worse off than they were before they first asked, or than they would have been had you said no from the outset.
They are free to replace their vehicle with something smaller, or do whatever they were planning to do for their long-term solution, or use on-street parking or see if they can rent space to park. You were not being selfish, they are being entitled.” ProfessorYaffle1
19. AITJ For Not Wanting To Share A Hotel Room With My Friend's Friend?
“My (23f) best friend (24m) and I are attending a convention next month. It is a full weekend and is a 6-hour drive from where we live, and we are splitting a hotel room to save money.
Yesterday, my friend calls me to let me know his other friend “Beth” (28f) is also going to the convention and wants to share our room, and he told her she could.
I’m not happy about it. I tolerate Beth in group settings but I’m not a huge fan – she always gets sloppy and obnoxiously inebriated at these types of events. We’ve all been there a time or two, but it’s every time with her – at a certain point you gotta learn your limits!
My position is he should’ve checked with me before telling Beth yes.
I told my friend I would like him to call Beth and tell her she cannot stay with us. My friend admits he has people-pleasing tendencies and is working on them but thinks it is too harsh of me to expect him to walk back something he already agreed to.
He says he will do it and admits he should’ve checked with me before telling Beth yes, but he thinks I’m overreacting and being harsh and I should just******* up for 3 nights. This is our first real argument in 7 years of friendship so it’s bothering me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and your friend is, but it’s a relatively minor infraction against a backdrop of seven years of friendship; particularly given that he’s a people pleaser. He should’ve asked you, and he’s wrong for not having done so. I will say that a three-day work trip will absolutely amplify the effects of Beth’s tendency for excessive drinking.
If this were a one-night deal, I could see gritting my teeth and dealing with it for the night and making sure the boundary is clearly communicated moving forward. Since it’s three nights out of town, it’s more problematic. It’s the potential for three nights of missed sleep that will make it harder to actually accomplish what you are there to do (whatever the nature of your convention might be).
You should stick to your guns and make sure your friend goes through with disinviting Beth.” TurtleTheMoon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A third person in a hotel room for 3 nights is a huge imposition, even if Beth wasn’t a sloppy drinker. This is something that should have been discussed before any offer was made.
Your best friend needs to tell Beth that he’s sorry, but she’ll need to find somewhere else to stay or YOU won’t be pleased.” Ok_Childhood_9774
Another User Comments:
“A single hour with someone who cannot drink like an adult feels like a lifetime. NTJ.
Agreeing to her staying in the room without asking you first is the jerk move. He made the problem and is asking that you give him a pass so he can continue to nurture his people-pleasing desires. Perhaps having to deal with his own issues is a first step towards being a bit less of a doormat.” Nearly_Pointless
18. AITJ For Kicking Out My Husband's Friend?
“My (36f) husband Ian (44m) is close friends with a woman named Jenna. They’ve been friends for a long time, before Ian and I got together, so I know her fairly well too but we really have nothing in common and we’re not exactly friends.
Jenna’s wife Laura very sadly and somewhat suddenly passed in early March (she was terminally ill but responding to treatment very well and was expected to survive another 2-5 years).
She’s been leaning on Ian heavily for support which I understand but she’s been at our house every single day since & even sleeping in our guest room most nights because she doesn’t want to be home alone.
Which would be okay except she is getting more and more passive-aggressive towards me and weirdly territorial of Ian. I’ve reminded myself that I don’t think I could stand to see a happy couple for months if I lost Ian and to be patient, it’s not personal.
My birthday was on Sunday. I got home Saturday after a morning out and Jenna was there. I was making small talk when I asked Ian what time he made dinner reservations for the next day. Jenna inserted herself right here and asked Ian if he was going to be out the next day and he said yes.
She started panicking and saying that he couldn’t and she wasn’t ready to spend an evening alone. I was going to tell her that she could still hang out here while we were gone and she looked at me and said “don’t you have any freaking friends you can go with?”
And I just blew up…. “don’t you have any other freaking friends you can go bother?” and so on; she called me selfish for “monopolizing my husband” and I had enough and told her to get out of my house and not to come back, ever.
Ian had been trying to calm things down between us but it spiraled out of control fast and he ended up escorting Jenna out and telling her that he’d come visit her in a few days but he would be backing my decision because of how she spoke to me.
I was happy for his support and still am but it’s been a few days and I just feel bad all around about it. I should’ve been more understanding of her but I also feel like she should treat me more respectfully and I’m not really sure if I overreacted.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She was soooo far out of line and especially in your own home. I’d also sit down with your husband and talk about it. To me personally, it really seems like she likes your husband more than just a good friend.
I understand she had a wife but maybe she’s bi and hasn’t been open with it?” sailingseas25
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Grief is an explanation, not an excuse. She’s leaning far too much on your husband, and for her to insult and swear at YOU for spending time with YOUR HUSBAND on YOUR BIRTHDAY is completely out of pocket.
Props to your husband for backing you but he needs to lay down the law with this woman like yesterday. This should not have gone on as long as it has.” [deleted]
17. AITJ For Being Upset My Husband Bought Concert Tickets During My Birthday Week?
“I turn 30 in June. I almost never do anything for my birthday. The last time I tried, my grandparents let me use their timeshare for a few days and I ended up getting sick.
Long story short, basically since I turned 29 I’ve been telling my husband I wanted to do something sort of special for my 30th birthday. I requested the time off work which was just granted this week so I was just waiting for that to start planning and paying for things.
Even though my husband knew this he dropped $400 on concert tickets to see his favorite band the day before my birthday and in the middle of the week off I had requested.
I told him I’m a bit upset and I felt he was being selfish by buying the tickets during the week I was trying to plan a vacation for us for my birthday without ever talking to me about it.
The band in question is also coming to a town 2.5 hours away in August, but he thought it would “be a good surprise” and that I should “be grateful he wanted to share this experience with me.”
I just feel a bit hurt and my husband says I’m being unreasonable… so I have to ask, people of the internet, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but your husband is. I would be livid–not “a bit hurt”–and rethinking my marriage. Now I’m about to give my opinion strictly based on what you said here. He did this unilaterally, spending a big chunk of change without consulting you as to whether you’d like to see this concert.
During your birthday week, I might add. Or worse, I’m thinking he was not thinking about your birthday at all. He was thinking about going to this concert he wants to see, so he bought tickets. When you pointed out how selfish that was, since you had said you wanted to do something special and you were giving it some thought, he gaslighted you, framing you as the bad person here for not being grateful to share this experience with him.
This is such a slap in the face. Sell the darn tickets and make plans together. Or he can go to the concert alone while you take some time to celebrate with friends and reevaluate the state of your marriage.” Robbes_Watch
Another User Comments:
“1. NTJ 2. His band sucks. I don’t care who it is – if he has to “share” the experience with you I assume that’s because you already have heard and don’t like the band. 3. You should be able to communicate your thoughts and feelings to your spouse and expect that you will be listened to and respected. He does not have to agree with you but he has to accept you feel that way.
Turning this into a kind of “I’m doing you a favor” thing is massively incorrect. How many of your other feelings does he dismiss, downplay, and disregard? He sounds like a jerk. And his band sucks.” EffPop
Another User Comments:
“If you have never traveled by yourself you should give it a try.
I do and I LOVE it. You do EXACTLY what you want to do. You can eat when and where you want to, take a nap, see a movie you want to see, eat 2 desserts, and not run it by anybody else for their approval. There is something about being a solo traveler that opens you up to meeting people you would never meet and I don’t mean that in a creepy way.” Ok-Adhesiveness-692
16. AITJ For Not Wanting To Attend My Stepson's Wedding?
“I have been with my wife for 6 years (marriage & being together) & this is both our 2nd marriage. She has a son (20) from her ex & I have a daughter (14) & son (10) from my ex + we have a son (2) together.
Her son has announced he is engaged to his partner (they have been together since school) and they want to be married before the year ends.
Our relationship has never been great as he is loud, disrespectful, outright rude to my kids & a party animal, whereas I am more introverted but I was once young and acted like an idiot so I can understand.
I helped him start the bakery apprenticeship he wanted to do (I was a chef for many years, so I helped him through the process) and paid for school trips, holidays, etc. When my wife & I bought a house we offered for him to move in as he was having financial troubles (he is very bad with money)
However, our relationship got worse when his now fiance asked to move in as she was worse than him in every regard, even to the point of complaining about my wife & me to people we know because we asked them to contribute to household bills & being openly hostile to my kids.
With her “advice,” he left his apprenticeship and demanded I pay for the costs of this which I refused to do, so he is now in debt because of this. FYI his partner has a full-time job & is doing university part-time, but is not helping him pay off this debt…
After about a year of this I told them to move out and after the usual complaining they moved into a friend’s place but now that friend (who I know through work) is having the same issues…
My wife told me that they are now engaged & want to be married before the year ends, but they seem to have gone out of their way to keep me out of everything – even to the point of telling everyone but me they were getting married. They made it very clear to my wife that “children are not invited” to the wedding but they have other family with young children who are “ok to come”.
My wife & I have had several arguments about me not wanting to go to their wedding and every time I just get told “you’re being a jerk, just get over it”.
Am I the jerk for not wanting to attend?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I would explain to your wife that you understand that she wants to watch her son get married and respect her decision. That you expect her to understand that the disrespect her son is showing to you, your kids, and his 2-year-old brother isn’t something you can ignore.
It’s not a child-free wedding if the only children not invited are yours. Recognize she’s in a tough position, but you expect her to support and respect your decision as well. Truthfully, your presence would likely end up causing more tension when it’s supposed to be a joyous day.
FYI – your stepson and his wife are complete jerks.” Reasonable-Bad-769
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ for your feelings towards your stepson. But, if you are invited and it means a lot to your wife that you attend, then I think you should go.
Not for his sake, but to support your wife. I think by not going with her, you are creating a wound between the two of you that will fester. A wedding is different than a closed family event. It is a public celebration and your wife wants you there not just as her partner but for the optics to the outside world.
Usually, I wouldn’t worry or care about what others would make of you not attending an event because the son is a jerk. But in this case, you not going doesn’t reflect negatively on her son, it would reflect negatively on her. And I don’t sense you want to hurt your wife.
Once the wedding is over you can cut all contact, and not speak to him or have him in your home. Your wife can keep whatever relationship with him she wants but you don’t have to see him.” introspectiveliar
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – There’s not even any indication that they want you there, so it might be worse for everyone if you go, regardless of what your wife thinks.
You staying out of the wedding day seems like what the son wants anyway, and with all of the kind things you’ve done (and received no gratitude in return for) I can’t imagine why you would “get over it” and attend. Shout out to you for stepping up as a step-parent, and I’m sorry that those kind actions weren’t met with thankfulness.” trying2thrift
15. AITJ For Not Changing My Daughter's 1st Birthday Date For My Cousin's Baby Shower?
“My cousin “Sam” (26M) and his wife “Jill” (24F) recently announced that they’re having a baby. They waited longer than usual to tell everyone because her last pregnancy ended in a miscarriage and they were being very cautious. She is due in August and is planning to have her baby shower the first weekend in June.
However, my (29F) daughter’s 1st birthday is also that Saturday (the party as well as her actual birth date), the same day as the shower. We live 5 hours away from them, so making the drive requires a bit of planning on our part. We considered moving her party from Saturday to Sunday, but I don’t know if I can justify 5 hours of driving to go to a 2-hour baby shower, turn around, and drive another 5 hours back home, then set up and prepare for a birthday party on a Sunday.
Jill, who decided to announce this all on Easter, said it’s “insanely rude” that my husband and I won’t change our plans and celebrate our daughter’s birthday on a different day, even though we have had this planned way before we even knew she was pregnant, and that we would like to have her party on her actual birthday.
She said that we’re “ruining her day” and making it all about ourselves and our baby.
My aunt called me last week to tell me that I’m being selfish and that a 1st birthday party isn’t that important because our daughter won’t remember it and won’t know that it’s not her actual birthday.
I said I don’t understand why it’s so important to Jill to have her shower on that day, and I was called an “unreasonable jerk.”
So I really, really need to know…am I actually the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Obviously, NTJ. Assuming they (aunt, cousin, wife) knew the date of your child’s birthday party in advance, then they double-booked themselves and messed up.
That is their problem. Does your aunt think her unborn grandchild will remember a baby shower more than your 1 year-old their birthday? Safe bet that your kid is more likely to remember their party.” Fickle_Pickle_3452
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like you already had your daughter’s party planned well ahead of Jill’s baby shower, so considering that you’re 5 hours away from them, you can truthfully tell Jill that there’s no way you’re going to be able to make her baby shower.
In fact, you can consider that she’s the jerk, especially after she called you “insanely rude” for not jumping to and changing your plans to suit her schedule. As for your aunt calling you an “unreasonable jerk”, that’s what makes her the jerk as well.” Jaded-Permission-324
Another User Comments:
“Wow. NTJ. Her planning her party on your child’s birthday is YOU ruining HER day and making it all about your child… the one whose birthday is that very day? Give this woman a wide berth because this is narcissistic behavior. True, babies won’t remember their first birthday.
But you and your spouse will always remember the special day when your child was born. It IS your child’s special day and it should be about your child. If your cousin’s wife really wants you there, she needs to reschedule the shower so she isn’t invading your child’s special day and making it all about herself.” Reasonable-Sale8611
14. AITJ For Avoiding A Family Tradition To Limit My Aunt's Involvement In My Son's Birthday?
“My mother passed a little over a year and a half ago. Ever since she passed it feels like my aunt (her sister) is trying to replace her.
My aunt is overly possessive of my 9m son, to the point where she doesn’t really let other people hold him when she is around. She has even gone so far as to wake him up from naps to hold him. She goes to my dad’s house every time I come to visit my dad and siblings (which is weekly).
It’s to the point where I don’t really WANT to visit my dad and siblings because I just get so irritated by her and her behavior.
At the same time I love her, and I don’t want to reject or be mean to her. I know she doesn’t have many other people in her life.
My dad and siblings for the most part are ok with her being around, but it bothers me.
I’m currently planning my son’s first birthday, and I honestly don’t want her to be involved with the planning or setup (due to prior incidents). I just want her to attend as a guest. The issue is, there is a small family tradition my grandmother did, where she purchased a roasted pig for the first birthday.
I had expressed an interest in doing this for my son, but I’m starting to have second thoughts. The main issue is that the best place to get it would be from an ethnic restaurant, where they will speak very little English. I’m VERY weak in this other language, but my aunt is fluent.
My dad, siblings, and husband are pushing for the pig…but I know that they will tell me to let my aunt order/handle it. I really don’t want her involved in it at all. I was thinking of catering Hawaiian BBQ, and having kalua pig as one of the entrees to invoke the spirit of the roast pig, but I have been told that is a cop-out.
AITJ for choosing a (weak) substitute for a tradition, just so I can avoid letting my aunt be involved in my son’s first birthday?”
Another User Comments:
“No judgment on this one, other than to say it’s petty to turn down a nice roasted pork for this.
You need to strengthen your spine, and set boundaries. If you don’t like how she is with your child, then SAY IT. If you’re old enough to have a kid, you’re old enough to SPEAK UP.” The_Bad_Agent
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can do whatever you want for your son’s birthday.
But I think you are approaching this wrong. Choosing a significant event to “make a stand” could be a bad idea when you literally have weekly visits at your dad’s house to do so. Plus you aren’t actually “making a stand” so much as trying to avoid conflict by not doing a beloved family tradition to passively limit contact with your aunt in a way that doesn’t involve talking to her about the issue.
I feel like it would be better to just keep this tradition (if it’s one you usually like) but put your foot down at your dad’s house when your aunt hogs your baby and when she wakes him up from his naps. There are going to be temporary bad feelings no matter what you do, even if you do absolutely nothing because you and your son will have the bad feelings in that case.
May as well have those bad feelings at the weekly visit than at your son’s first birthday.” ttnl35
Another User Comments:
“INFO: Wouldn’t it be a good compromise, if your aunt just has the one task to get the pig for the birthday party and you will do the rest?
So she is happy to be involved. Your siblings and husband are happy because there will be a roasted pig. And you can be happy, because aunt is just getting a pig and other than that not involved in the planning of the party (because getting the pig is the most important task and your siblings/husband/dad also want to help, so they get to help you with the smaller task of setting up the party).” Trevena_Ice
13. AITJ For Calling Out My Partner's Hypocrisy About His Past?
“I (M28) met Liam (FTM22) when he was starting out his modeling, at a pub in Soho. Since then, my family and I have provided him with opportunities to further his career.
My mum used her connections to get him shows, I paid for procedures, stuff like fillers, expensive haircuts, and so on. I’ve never begrudged him that, but it’s important for context. Yes, he is naturally gorgeous and charming enough to get himself employed but it’s not true when he goes around telling people that he’s accomplishing everything himself.
Recently, he’s had to put his hobby on hold. We’ve got a baby on the way. He’s become very insecure, not only because of dysphoria but because he’s also bloated with acne. That has driven him into a rut, he mopes around at our home.
I’ve been trying to keep him busy with little days out.
I convinced him to go along with me to a contemporary art show, we decided to walk there because he was feeling restless. The quickest way to get there would mean cutting through a council estate.
It was quite grim, very underfunded. The block just looked on its last legs, there were kids walking around trying to start fights, that sort of thing. It’s never really bothered me much, it’s not their fault that the government doesn’t care about them and that they suffer from cultural deprivation, if anything, I feel sympathy for them.
Obviously, because of Liam’s upbringing, I thought he’d have a similar view of it all. We saw a woman roughly around the same age as Liam with a whole gaggle of kids. One running ahead, another a toddler in a pram and she was pregnant with the third.
She did look a bit of a mess, but then who wouldn’t with 2 young kids and a pregnancy? Liam joked about her. Calling her a ‘chavvy mummy’, talked about ‘scum having tons of kids’ and just taking the crap out of her.
I cut through his little jokes, and said that if it wasn’t for me, he’d be low-life scum and a chavvy mummy.
I reminded him that he isn’t on his first pregnancy and that he was on benefits himself not too long ago, that he’s a massive hypocrite. It upset him, he refuses to even talk to me face to face, if he really wants me to know something, he gets either the cleaner or my mum to pass on the message.
I do feel bad about it, he was only really joking after all.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What vile things he was saying! Yikes. Seems like he’s forgotten his origins and lost all of his humility. He reacted in a very vain and very callous way towards that young mom.
Joking about a young, possibly struggling, woman like that is not funny. Joking is meant to be funny and his jokes were just cruel. Do you want to be with a dude who is so easily cruel to others?” BeardManMichael
Another User Comments:
“Everyone is a jerk here.
He was wrong to make those judgy comments. You are wrong to throw the financial support that you Totally Don’t Begrudge in his face. I think you’re the bigger jerk here because you know he’s dealing with a lot of dysphoria as well as having his modeling career (“hobby”) derailed during this pregnancy.
Reflect on how much you actually respect your partner.” Curious_Blacksmith75
12. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For My Mom's Surprise Party I Didn't Plan?
“Recently, my mom had a milestone decade birthday (think 50/60/70, etc.) And my older sister decided to throw a surprise birthday party to celebrate. What a wonderful and thoughtful idea!
My wife and I had absolutely nothing to do with the planning process or buying things for said party.
Nor was there anything communicated to us to bring or do for the party. We were only told the day of the party and what time to be there by, and we helped set up a few things after we arrived. I found out a day before the party that we got volunteered over a week prior to bring a fruit salad.
Nobody told us anything about it until the evening before and there was no time to stop at the store and get fruit based on our work schedules and childcare. My sister who was doing all the planning was already going out shopping so she added fruit to her list.
The day of the party we get to my parents’ house early to hang out before my dad could get my mom out of the house long enough to decorate and have everyone arrive. I somehow got volunteered to stand out in the snow and direct cars so nobody would be parked in too badly.
The party went great and we headed out a few hours later.
4 hours later, at midnight, my older sister’s husband sent a text in our sibling group chat essentially saying that each couple needs to pay like $80-$100 for our portion of the cost of the party.
Snacks, decorations, etc. were totaled and divided evenly. This was NEVER mentioned at all leading up to the party that everyone would have to pay even though older sis was the one planning and hosting.
I get that it was for my mom and that’s the guilt trip they’re trying to pull.
My argument is that it wasn’t our idea to throw the party to begin with, nor were we included at all in the planning phase. We were only told the day and time of the party. So I don’t feel inclined to pay anything.
On top of that, we don’t have any money available to even try and pay them back with.
We barely have enough for groceries right now.
So, AITJ for not paying for a party I didn’t help to plan in any way?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. They shouldn’t expect you to pay for something without letting you know first but you also attended a party thrown for your mom without putting in any effort and it seems like you wanted to be included in the sibling credit.
If you couldn’t afford to spend such a small amount then you shouldn’t also be complaining about doing parking duty. It’s kinda bad to expect everyone else to pay or work for a party but you don’t and get to enjoy the party anyways.
Did you even ask what you could bring? Did you ask to help in any way? What did you get your mom for a gift?” Fionaelaine4
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Talk to any other siblings privately and see if they’ve had the same issues in the past. If this is a habit, it’s a problem.
If you can get other siblings to back you up and agree, it’ll make you stand out less. You won’t be pinned as a jerk for being the “only one” to not pay, and perhaps help your sister and her husband realize that they’re the odd ones out and change their ways.
If you do decide to pay, ask for receipts. While it hurts some people to admit it, siblings can steal just as much as everyone else, and use your trust against you. Getting an exact dollar amount may save you some money.” Sam_Pound_
11. AITJ For Not Wanting My Ex-Husband To Live With Me And Our Daughter?
“My (27F) ex-husband (40M) and I met in 2016, got married in 2018, and had our child the same year.
Before we got married I decided to move to India (Mumbai) where he lives, to be closer to him, from my home country Finland.
After our daughter was born, he wasn’t being the father for our daughter like I wanted, he barely held her and didn’t involve himself in any of the work of being a parent.
He stopped sleeping in the bedroom and slept in the living room because “the baby kept waking him up”. But then also sleeping til 4 in the afternoon. Whenever I used to complain and call him out for not stepping up he would call me ungrateful.
And while I was putting our daughter to sleep, he used to be on the phone with other women, and then call me delusional whenever I would say anything about it.
After a couple of years living like this and some maturing on my part, realizing he is never going to change, being the narcissist he is, I decided that I wanted to divorce him and move back to Finland with our daughter.
Let’s just cut it short and say it was actual torment to leave, especially because I was deeply depressed at the time, I somehow managed to, for the sake of my daughter and me, to have a better life.
The first few months of living alone with my daughter I was constantly harassed by him, he threatened me to take our daughter back and make my life miserable.
At some point later on, maybe a few months or a year, we were fine (I guess) and we were able to co-parent through the phone and my daughter calls him several times per week. We are able to talk to each other with no issue, and I was guessing he was finally accepting this whole thing.
During this time he applied for his permit and was waiting for 2 years to be finally accepted, he now has his residence permit to come and live in Finland so he can regularly see our daughter.
Problem now is, he is expecting to live at our place even if I told him numerous times that he can’t.
I don’t want to be a jerk, but I’m trying to set boundaries, I feel like he’s gonna take advantage of my kindness and stay for several months acting like it’s his right, and I’m just so anxious thinking that he would be in the same house.
I enjoy my peace, especially living alone with our daughter, after I put her to bed, it’s me time, and I don’t want this former abusive ex-husband in my home.
I keep telling him no but I also understand it’s gonna be hard for him considering his position.
So just, am I the jerk for not letting him stay with us?”
Another User Comments:
““No” is a complete sentence. Say no. Say it again every time he makes the assumption. Say it forcefully or humorously or sympathetically, but say it. Do not let one tiny little assumption get past you.
He doesn’t sound like the kind of guy who will actually show up if he understands he is going to need to spend money and effort on a living situation instead of taking advantage of you. But also be FULLY prepared for him to show up.
Make sure your local law enforcement knows in advance that you foresee a problem. Ask them whom to call and when. When he does come, do not invite him in. Meet him in public only. Stay strong. Your daughter needs that from you.” suziq338
Another User Comments:
“I don’t have much advice but I’d suggest you contact a lawyer and if necessary, reach out to the cops and also immigration to let them know dude has no place to stay. Like who did he put on his application as a source of support/where he would live?
I’m American and my parents went through the immigration process. You have to prove to US immigration that you can financially support yourself and if you can’t, your sponsor can support you. You need to find out what the process requires in Finland and find out if he lied at any point.
THEN air his behind out to Finland immigration…” srkaficionada65
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are divorced. It’s his responsibility to provide for himself, including his accommodations. Don’t let him in your home ever. Not even for a night. Don’t even open the door to him.
You can meet up with him in a public place for him to visit your daughter. As a general rule, countries don’t encourage visitors who can’t support their own expenses. It’s entirely possible that he lied on his residency permit and said that the two of you are still married and he’ll be living with, and supported by you.
I agree that you should consider contacting Immigration to let them know that he is entering the country without having housing or an income.” teresajs
10. AITJ For Setting Boundaries With My Overbearing Future Mother-In-Law?
“I (32F) had a baby back in August, it’s my third baby but it’s my partner’s (33M) first kid. This pregnancy was a complete surprise but we welcomed it! His mother (63F) wasn’t exactly supportive when we announced the pregnancy to both his parents, and instead only wanted to pester me about my ongoing divorce process and “When will you be divorced, so you guys can get married?” Blah blah blah.
I ended up leaving the announcement talk close to tears. My partner did not stick up for me then, but when I told him it upset me, he ended up talking to his mom but she never really apologized for it.
Well fast forward to August when my baby girl was born and all of a sudden his mom wants to be a part of my life..
she offered to come over every day after the baby was born, but after about 2 days I told her she didn’t have to come over. She is very much like a child herself and she has a very judgmental/overbearing energy. But she still came over once a week.
Now it’s January and I am going through a hard time with the baby and everything else I do, but this woman still insists on coming over at least once a week while her son is at work. I started to tell my partner that this was becoming overwhelming and she stresses me out too much to be coming over every week.
Well, she was visiting and I ended up snapping after a 3-hour-long visit, when she was showing no signs of leaving. I asked her (politely) to leave because I had my fill of socialization.. well she was offended, but she left. My partner was not too happy with me for asking his mom to leave, but I reminded him that I told him I was getting overwhelmed with her, and that I did plan on calmly explaining to her soon that I need boundaries.
All the while his mom is blowing up his phone asking when she can come back over.
Fast forward two weeks and I have a sit-down conversation with her at her house with my partner present to witness. I explained how I’ve been feeling, told her that weekly visits weren’t an option anymore and that she was being overbearing, and that her visits aren’t enjoyable to me because she’s a passive judgmental person who oversteps constantly.
She said she’d stop being so overbearing and that she was sorry.
Well within two days she was back to texting me asking to come over. It was my son’s birthday that weekend so we said yes. Well, a day or two later she was asking me AGAIN to come over.
I said no. She asked my partner, he said no. She proceeded to bombard me 4 more times within 10 days to come over. I asked my partner to take care of this since my attempt didn’t work. He said he would…. Well, 3 days passed and he didn’t.
So she texted me AGAIN, so I let her know that she has to stop in a very long text that my partner was not happy about. It wasn’t even a rude text, I was just reaffirming my boundaries. But now she’s upset, she’s crying to my partner who is now upset with me.
Help! AITJ??”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Parenting an infant is tiring and stressful enough. MIL acting like a child too is the last thing I’d want to deal with in your shoes. Recognizing it may be her first grandchild and she’s excited, your partner still needs to have a conversation with his mom and lay some ground rules and overall be more supportive of you.” Many_Coffee_4789
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, what is it with some men and their mothers? Sweet lord, take care of your wife/partner/baby momma better than your mom. She gave you life yes but so that she could raise you up and you move on. Stand firm and oh, silence her number or block her.
Get a doorbell camera and just don’t answer if she shows up. This woman is very controlling. She doesn’t trust your parenting and her way of telling you is by insisting on coming over. Promise you she is keeping notes on everything you do.” Feisty-sahm
Another User Comments:
“You are surrounded by children here and the only one who has the right to act like one is the baby. Does your MIL understand the word no? Her constant badgering would drive me straight off the edge. You have just given birth, have 2 other children and you’re being expected to entertain her multiple times a week – and be badgered to tears if she doesn’t get her way?
Just no. It’s up to your partner to handle his people and he’s allowing her to abuse you. I’d make it explicitly clear to him that this has to stop. She cannot be over unless he’s home. Let him cope with her annoying, passive aggression.
If he can’t stand up to his mommy on such a basic level, you have issues with him. You are the mother of his child and your needs should be his first priority. NTJ.” forgetregret1day
9. AITJ For Overpacking My Kids' Lunchboxes To Annoy Their Criticizing Daycare Owner?
“I got told by the daycare owner that I pack too little food into my children’s lunchbox for breakfast in daycare.
I normally pack 4 slices of bread with a spread of their choice (ham, cheese, etc), fruit, a milk product, and a little snack of their choice. It never got completely eaten up. Her choice of words was; “I am being worried because you pack too little food into the kid’s lunchbox.
The variety is not good enough, as a mother you can do better.”
It’s not the first time she commented on stuff that didn’t make sense. For example, she told me she couldn’t find sets of clothing so my child had to borrow. I showed her it was literally hanging in the hallway on his/her spot with a big fat name tag on it.
This went on since they started ages two years and now age six. I feel she just wants to get out her frustration because I am not someone that likes standing up for herself.
This time I snapped. I prepared two sets of breakfast for each of my children.
One with just bread (around 10 slices) and their favorite spread and the second with a bunch of different fruits and some snacks. Looks were exchanged between us and I could see she was annoyed. When I picked them up later, she asked me to cut it out with the fruits.
The variety is too big. They need more slices of bread because apparently, my children weren’t hungry for lunch (jeez I ask myself why?))) so they could give them an alternative. So I doubled up and made 3 lunchboxes for each kid! 20 slices of bread and a bunch of different fruits, snack,s and vegetables.
They asked me to stop, the other kids think it’s unfair. But I just did what they asked me to do? Also since then, the lunchboxes are always empty since my kids are good children and share with the other kids.
I tried to explain my concerns with her behavior towards me the last years in a gentle manner but I feel she never respects me regardless.
I feel childish but on the other hand, I enjoy being petty after years of comments. I want to continue making so much breakfast just to annoy her back. Also, the other children seem to enjoy the breakfast more.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I would make it formal. State that she spoke to you rudely and said you were not feeding your child – also that she told you that you could do better.
Express your irritation and state that your email should be treated as your formal complaint. State that if she does not treat you in a professional manner you will take your complaint further – to her governing body. Then log everything and relate in the email.
Ask her precisely what the problem is? What are the children eating at mealtimes? Why is there not a helpful list of items that should be/should not be included?” LouieAvalonMac
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but maybe you are a bit for sending your kid to a daycare owned by someone so unhinged. She’s completely bonkers and so out of line for bullying you.
She’s showing some serious red flags here. How else does she express her unbalanced perspective in the daily lives of your vulnerable children?” AdOne8433
Another User Comments:
“So here is what I am wondering……is there no other daycare available in your area? I can’t believe you have allowed yourself to be mistreated by this daycare provider for years.
I understand if you are non-confrontational but come on…..this person is nuts. I would be asking what kind of specialized training/education she has that makes her an expert on knowing how much food to pack for YOUR children. Seriously…..look for a different daycare.
Or stand up for yourself and tell her to back off. You know best what your children require. NTJ…..but soft you might be, if you don’t straighten this out and put this person in her place.” HappyGardener52
8. AITJ For Telling My Friend Not To Name Her Newborn After Her Stillborn Son?
“I (27F) have a friend (29F) who I will call Sarah for the sake of this post. Her husband (31M) will be John Jacob. 1 year ago Sarah had a very terrible miscarriage late in her pregnancy and gave birth to a stillborn. She had named the baby and been very bravely public about her loss and buried the child with a tombstone with his name: John Jacob II (named after his father).
Fast forward to this past weekend, we have a baby shower for Sarah as she is pregnant again with a boy (and doing very well!). During the baby shower, she announces the name of her soon-to-be-born son: John Jacob III. The third. Mostly everyone was able to be instantly ecstatic but unfortunately, I could not calibrate my reaction quickly enough and she noticed. She has been very distant since.
A few other people who attended the baby shower texted me afterward to share they are equally shocked by the name. I will eventually have to talk to my friend and she will 100% bring it up. WIBTJ if I told her that naming her son after her stillborn would be a very cruel thing to do to a child?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. This is such a tricky one. Your friend is clearly still grieving her loss, and maybe finding solace in being able to remember her first baby through his brother. This is understandable, and I cannot call her a jerk.
HOWEVER, this is not a good decision on her part. I can just see the toll that being named after a stillborn sibling will take on the coming child. I would be concerned, as I’m sure you are that they will not be able to develop an identity separate from their parents’ idea of their older brother.
So you also would not be the jerk for bringing this up GENTLY with Sarah. Be prepared, though, for her to be very hurt and angry; no good deed goes unpunished.” fiercequality
Another User Comments:
“Hmm, I’m gonna say NTJ because you didn’t outright say anything when she told you, and you were taken by surprise, so I can understand if it took you a second to compose yourself.
I would avoid giving your opinion unless she specifically asks for it, but if she does ask then I don’t think it makes you a jerk to say how you honestly feel. Part of being a good friend is being honest and giving thoughtful, constructive advice if consulted for it.
I get that she probably is doing it to honor the first baby, but to me, this seems to do the opposite – like she’s trying to make a replacement John for the John she lost. Regardless, though, if she wants to continue down that road then you have to respect it and be kind about it, nobody but her knows how she feels and what she’s going through so it’s not fair to judge.” 001mad001
Another User Comments:
“I can’t get past the III part. when you get named the ‘third’ with the same name like that, that name was your father’s name (he was II), and also your paternal grandfather’s name (he would have been I). I can understand grieving, but to use the III like this is just not correct.
Never mind how it’s related to the stillbirth of someone of the same generation. I’ll say NTJ if you are able to bring it up gently and know when to walk away without getting upset if Sarah doesn’t take it well. You could lose a friendship, so keep that in mind too.” Interesting_Fly5154
7. AITJ For Buying My Nephew A Digging Toy That Ended Up Destroying Their Yard?
“I (26F) bought my nephew a birthday present for his 4th birthday party that happened this past Saturday.
I got him a set of little trucks and digging toys. It had a dump truck you could lift the back of up and down, a little excavator thing you can dig with, and a few little accessory things like a little belt you can wind a crank on to move dirt into the back of the truck.
The type of thing that you can keep a kid busy within a sandbox for 2 hours was my thought.
The only instructions I received from my SIL (35F) for the party was that there’s a peanut allergy in my nephew’s class (all his preK friends attended), that we would be fed so bringing food wasn’t needed, and that it was a turtle themed birthday party (apparently my nephew insisted lol).
We didn’t get any other info.
Birthday party came and I was so excited for him to open what I got him. I knew he’d love it. He is obsessed with trucks, specifically dump trucks and digging machines. He opens it, is thrilled, I got a few “what a nice auntie” comments from family and friends, my brother and SIL seem to be hyping him up about his gift, everyone is happy.
He got a ton of nice presents but I felt a little proud that he REALLY loved what I got him. Party ends, we all go home without a hitch.
This morning I get a call from my brother (35M) that he wants me to come “pick up that darn birthday truck” from their house and chews me out about asking next time about what I buy him.
I asked him why, and asked if my nephew didn’t like it or if it was broken or something.
My brother says no, but that my nephew has completely torn up their backyard and has dug so many potholes that my brother twisted his ankle in one and is upset that I would buy my nephew a toy that could destroy their yard.
I told my brother that I was surprised that a plastic digging truck toy could even pull up that much earth. He goes on to angrily tell me that my nephew got bored digging in just his sandbox, and is now digging everywhere, found a garden trowel, and is digging up their yard to bits with both his toys and anything he can find now.
Apparently, his toy is strong enough to dig at the normal dirt in the yard once he gets the grass pulled away. I apologized and told him I’ll send a gift card for a different gift. My SIL and now my mother have since phoned me and told me that my gift should have been cleared since it was something that could destroy their yard, and that they don’t appreciate the lack of consideration in getting him a big item like that (those types of gifts should be reserved for parents, as my mother has now told me).
AITJ for not clearing my gift with them? My partner is on my side of “no, that was a great gift for a kid”, but my family is not.”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. The kiddo’s got enough time to dig all these holes so I’m guessing he’s unsupervised while he’s playing with the truck (which, what??
Those parents MUST do better). If your brother didn’t want him digging holes where he shouldn’t have been, he simply could have watched the kid and made sure he used it where he was supposed to use it. That, being his sandbox. For everyone to ream you for getting him a nice gift instead of going in on your bro and SIL who disappear long enough for their small kid to make the backyard look like the Holes movie is insane.
Don’t get a gift card, don’t do anything. You did YOUR part. They need to wake up and do theirs.” Fourletterflower
Another User Comments:
“1. You got an age-appropriate gift 2. Your brother is both rude and a jerk to boot 3. He needs to keep an eye on his kid and actually try parenting 4.
Given the amount of effort to dig up the yard, they 100% should have seen him doing this 5. Basically, none of this is your fault 6. The whole situation is ridiculous and entirely of their making 7. Mother and SIL are also smoking something 8. 100000% NTJ.” ReviewOk929
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – As a previous commenter said, this was a failure of the parents. You don’t owe them money for their yard, or a new birthday present, or even to pick up the old one. They just need to tell their child not to dig up the yard.
The child keeps their favorite present, and the parents’ yard is safe. Everyone’s happy! As far as clearing the present, it was age-appropriate and not destructive in itself. If they want to vet every present their kid gets, then they can just send out a list of gifts their child wants.
Otherwise, they’re gonna get some gifts they aren’t happy about. Maybe gift them a drum set or trumpet next year?” PuzzleheadedProof632
6. AITJ For Not Sharing Our Current Business Success With Former Partners Who Left During Tough Times?
“A couple of buddies and I started a food truck business. We each put in about ~$5k each, but then the year 2020 happened. During this time, our sales were basically nothing (our area didn’t have many people using delivery options) and eventually, we had to close down.
Our friend group got together (each of us had put money into it), and decided that it wasn’t worth it to sell the truck (which was in used condition, with graphics on it, and just would have been maybe 15-20 cents on the dollar) for the state it was in, and also a pain in the rear to sell.
Everyone was lowballing us.
We each had day jobs so temporarily kept the food truck. Keep in mind, the ~$1-1.5k refund (from possibly selling the truck) each may seem like a significant amount to some readers, but a lot of us work decent-paying jobs so just treated it as bad luck.
A few members decided they no longer wanted to continue with the business and since it wasn’t worth selling, parted ways. I think the fact that it didn’t work out and all of us putting a lot of time/effort into the passion project led to these few members completely cutting contact with the rest of us.
Example: those 3 people haven’t said a word in our old group chat (which we did eventually stop using a year after we had stopped working on the food truck project, but still). We have mutual friends still so would have been easy to get in contact.
Fast forward to mid-2022, the remaining 5 of us restarted the food truck. We initially got in contact with the 3 people who had left, but they declined to partake and said they had moved on
The new venture of the existing food truck didn’t require much additional investment, and we’ve found decent success.
Our area now does have a lot more using delivery platforms, and we’ve also done events/what not. It’s still a passion project, but we have employees now who run the truck as we still have day jobs. One of the members of the group also works on the biz full-time.
Anyways, two of the three people who broke off contact for a good 3-4 years recently got back in touch literally last month and were asking us to give them their % of the entity the food truck is under and % of the revenue, based on their initial investment in 2020, so basically 12.5% per because we did about an equal amount among the 8 of us.
The 5 of us think that it would be stupid to give them a % of the entity because they broke off contact for 3-4 years and we literally worked our backsides off in the past ~2 years, so our thought was refunding them their initial $5k was already very accommodating since if we had decided to sell the truck, they would have maybe gotten 1.5 each?
I know some comments will talk about contracts/legality, we did not have any legal documents before since we didn’t even really make it off the ground in 2020 and the current entity (created in 2022) is made up of us 5.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You need to get proper legal advice from a lawyer.
They paid money to start the business by chipping in to buy the food truck. You never bought them out on that investment, they just decided they didn’t want to be involved in the day-to-day running of the business. They either need to be bought out of their equity in the business or paid based on their share of the initial investment made.
But, to repeat myself, you really need to talk to a lawyer about it because there are thousands of minor details and nuances that can affect what legally has to happen, especially depending on where you live as country/state/city laws may be very different.
I’m going to say no jerks here just people who really should’ve been handling this in writing with legal advice to prevent exactly this sort of misunderstanding.” Abstruse
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you really need a lawyer. I think morally you are in the right, but legally is a different matter, as you didn’t make any contracts.
Once again for everyone here – don’t go into business or any other money-related matter with friends or family without writing stuff down – treat everyone as if they were a stranger you never met before when it comes to these things. In this case, you do have a clear history of comms, etc, so this may be the only thing that saves you all a lot of money now, but this is above pay grade…..” alien_overlord_1001
Another User Comments:
“Hate to say it, but YTJ here simply for not having your bases covered from the start. At this stage, it’s not a matter of “giving them a percentage of the entity” – they already own it (if I’m reading the facts you’ve presented correctly).
You probably need to talk to a lawyer, come up with some sort of formal agreement about who owns what and who owes what. At minimum, you also probably need to “buy out” the partners that disappeared and then showed up with their hands out.” Remarkable_Inchworm
5. AITJ For Declining To Travel To Provide Childcare?
“My partner’s brother and his wife are going on a vacation overseas, just the two of them. They and their child (20 months-ish, best baby ever) live in a small town about a two-hour flight from my city (where I, my partner, and my partner’s parents all live).
My partner informed me that their mother would be flying up to watch the baby and that she invited us to join so that we could assist with childcare and do a bit of sightseeing. I didn’t get the impression she didn’t seriously need help – she’s very capable and in great shape – mostly she thought it would be nice to invite us.
I asked a few questions about the plan and then said no. This turned into a huge blowup. My partner says they’re not upset that I said no, but that they felt like I declined too quickly, without hearing all the details, and that I was only thinking of the negatives and wasn’t thinking of how fun the trip could be.
The reason I might be the jerk is they’re not wrong – I did immediately think of the negatives and positives and knew very quickly that I couldn’t do it. Due to scheduling of other time off and events at work, we’d have to arrive Friday and leave Sunday.
Last time my partner and their mother shared childcare duties for the baby, there were some conflicts over it, too, which was stressful to be around. It just sounded like too much chaos for me for 72 hours when I’m already sort of barely keeping it together.
I love it when we can spend time with my partner’s niece, and I do like to travel, but traveling this far just to help out for one day and then sightsee for a second day (in a small town, where there aren’t actually many sights to see)?
I felt like I had to say no and that I should say it immediately so they wouldn’t be waiting on me or feel blindsided.
We’ve had issues in the past where I initially said yes or maybe to something and then there was a blow-up later when I couldn’t do it, so I’m trying really hard to anticipate and prevent hurt feelings.
I did offer to pay for them to go solo – I pay for most of our travel and I didn’t want them to feel like they couldn’t go if I didn’t go.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ times a million. Let’s see, what makes more sense?
Bring the baby to the grandparents and extra family to help out, or ask 3 adults to fly out to babysit? Nope! One adult traveling to babysit is max ask. More than that, they fly/drive with the kid to the babysitter location, etc. They are asking for a FAVOR.
You have every right to say no. Even if there weren’t many negatives. And you said you’d still help pay for your partner to travel there anyway. You are good!” Trick_Delivery4609
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My personal rule for traveling is that you need to spend at least twice as much time at the destination than getting to and from (unless it’s a funeral or other special circumstance).
It’s a two-hour flight, but once you include travel time to and from the airport, time waiting at the airport, and potential delays, you’re spending most of a three-day weekend in transit. It’s completely reasonable to say no.” East-Bake-7484
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Their reactions being anger and not an understanding of “oh I’m sorry, hopefully you can make it next time!” is very telling.
Imo, they are trying to shame and manipulate you into taking care of the kid – so you won’t get to vacation/relax while there. They’re looking for a woman to give free childcare and your relatives should be considering a nanny tbh. They just don’t want to pay, it sounds like, so they’re trying to pawn off the baby on you.” MedicalAmazing
4. AITJ For Telling My Sister She's Pushing My Boundaries About My Relationship Timelines?
“My sister loves me, but sometimes she can be incessant when she’s interested in something.
Lately, she’s taken to regularly asking me when my partner will propose and pushing me to provide timelines as to when I specifically think it will happen by.
When I tell her I don’t know and don’t want to provide a specific timeline she keeps pressuring me to.
I’ve told her we have talked about the future but not specific timelines. She still pushes for more info when there is nothing to give.
I finally told her I felt attacked and interrogated by the way she keeps pressuring me to provide a date.
She got extremely upset with me, cried, refused to engage with me for days, and said that she was showing she cared about my life and now would never again as it wasn’t safe.
I tried talking to her telling her my delivery could have been softer and I want her to ask about my life, but that I felt she passed my boundaries when I told her repeatedly I did not want to talk about this.
She told me it’s not her fault I feel so “unstable” in my relationship that I couldn’t talk about this and she had nothing to apologize for.
Am I the jerk? Why do people think it’s ok to push you to provide timelines for your life and if you don’t want to share feel they can belittle your relationship?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you’ve no idea when your partner will propose if ever. He has to come to his own decision. Aside from that it is none of your sister’s business. She can ask maybe ONCE then she really should let it go.
Just reassure her that you love her and will let her know when it has happened. Tell her it may happen this weekend but then it may happen in 5 years. Tell her you do not want to keep on thinking about it as it will make you go ‘weird’ in your relationship.
Some people might even think she’s jinxing it (that’s not my opinion). Ask her why is she so invested in this deadline part? That is very unusual in my opinion.” Shellybago
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister needs help. Her obsession with your life and the absurd idea that your relationship is some kind of project with a timeline and deliverables is twisted. Your response was in no way too harsh.
Your only option was to reply more firmly to shut her down. The appropriate response at this stage was “Shut the flip up you nosy, controlling person!” She is toxic. It seems like her objective is to sow doubt and conflict in your relationship. It sounds like she’s jealous and wants to sabotage your relationship.
Please simply tell her that you refuse to discuss your personal relationships with her. And don’t fall for the “she’s only looking out for you” nonsense. She is not concerned for you.” AdOne8433
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister sounds exhausting and hints at toxic.
Emotionally unregulated, self-unaware, and emotionally super manipulative. Like, does she want a cookie for deigning to “show interest” in her sister’s life? Oh, how generous and gracious of her. Don’t feed into the manipulation. Getting you to beg her and convince her to continue to “show interest” (uh, harass) in your life is what she wanted all along because it feeds into her ego.” [deleted]
If you do want to marry, though, you should never, never accept the idea that you must wait for a man to propose. If you want to marry him, ask him about getting married. If he is not interested, then it's* up to you to decide what is more important to YOU: being married or continuing a relationship with this particular man (either preference is valid, it's* YOUR life). But focussing on When He Will Propose is terrible: if he's* a nice man who doesn't* want to marry you, he will hopefully have the sense to move on when you start whining for a proposal. if he is not a nice man, you have handed him a tool to manipulate you with: he can dangle The Proposal over your head like a doggy treat for years... and then, if he decides it is actually worth his while to marry you, every argument you ever have will be 'won' ***by him stating that you wanted to be married and should now******* up.
3. AITJ For Not Apologizing To My Brother's Partner Who Stole From Me?
“My brother (25M) has been seeing his partner (20F) for about 2 months now. She was kind of rude to me, making snarky comments but I always brushed it off as being a joke.
My brother asked if I could hang out with her for the day because he was going on a trip with his friends and she wanted to spend some time with me. We were hanging out in my room until I needed to go to the washroom but I was kind of nervous to leave her alone in my room as she was known to be nosy but I left the room despite that.
After a few minutes, I come back and catch her in the act of going through my stuff. I saw her putting some of my stuff in her purse but I decided to ask her about it later.
A few days later my family had a family gathering and she was invited and that was the time I decided to confront her about taking my stuff, I asked her to come to a secluded place and asked her about it.
She started defending herself and was getting worked up, yelling at me. Soon my brother came and tried to defend her as well, saying he could prove she’s innocent. We went through her purse to find a necklace of mine and some other things I didn’t even know she took, when I confronted her with all of this she got mad and stormed out cursing at me, and took my brother away.
A few days later my brother asked me to apologize to her but obviously I didn’t want to. It’s been a week since this happened and my brother and now even my family are still asking me to apologize but I still refuse, and I feel kind of bad.
I don’t know guys, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“You did find the necklace and other items in her purse? If you did, then no. don’t apologize. Explain in detail to your family what happened. They have just gotten your brother’s story, make sure they have yours.
This girl is probably going to be trouble in the future, and eventually, your brother will get the picture, but it might take years. This is terrible because she’s successfully driven a wedge between you and your brother at least temporarily. I’m really sorry this happened. You are NTJ of course.
You don’t have to tolerate people going through your things and stealing from you, that’s awful. If you don’t stand up to this girl now, you’re going to have to deal with her for a long time. If you can discreetly check, you might find she has a criminal record, and that might help you persuade family members.
But I think your brother is just infatuated and it may be a long time before he comes to his senses.” sweet_yuiho
Another User Comments:
“W*F!!! I can’t believe your family is siding with this thief instead of you, especially when you caught her in the act.
And she is ill-mannered anyway. If possible, put a lock on your bedroom door. I would be very uneasy about having her free range through your house when you are not there. Don’t let your family brainwash you into believing you are wrong for accusing her.
NTJ.” Admirable_Aide5558
Another User Comments:
“You saw her putting your things into her bag. Why didn’t you confront her immediately? You should have asked her to remove the items right then and there. It is surprising that they were still in her purse days later.
You would have looked foolish if she had removed them. Of course you should not be the one apologizing to a thief. What are you supposed to say, “I am really sorry you stole my things.” This doesn’t make sense. Is there something we are missing?” Maximum-Swan-1009
2. AITJ For Throwing Away My Housemate's Dead Plants And Pots?
“A few months ago I cleaned and swept the back veranda and threw away about five dead plants and their (cheap) plastic pots. Some were just little spindly twigs with no leaves (no hope of recovery whatsoever), and others were larger houseplants, but equally just as dead.
I didn’t know who they belonged to specifically and just assumed they were left behind by a previous housemate as they were receiving no care whatsoever. They had gone without water for months.
A month later the house group chat got a message from this housemate saying they’re really annoyed that someone threw their plants without telling them.
They wanted to have a house meeting over it. I get where they were coming from, but they acted like I threw away living, thriving plants.
Anyway, I said sorry (in person) and offered to give her some of my plastic pots (we have tons around the house).
I also explained that they were dead and were going to be discarded in one way or another. They said it was all OK and that they were really just annoyed at the fact that they failed to care for them.
Just today I received this message, out of nowhere, demanding an apology:
“Hey I’m trying to say this in the nicest way possible but 5 of my plants and all of my pots and saucers were thrown out. I don’t really know what to say apart from I really would like to be apologized to because at no point was I asked if any of this was mine.”
My other housemate suggests I buy them new plants and pots. I refused to do it because I personally don’t think it’s fair. I already offered to give them some of my pots. Why pay to replace (expensive) plants that were already dead?!
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Why throw away the pots? Pots are reusable. And were you even sure the plants were dead? Don’t touch things that belong to other people. Would it be okay if she went into your things and threw out some things she thought you didn’t need anymore?” sheramom4
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ, they’re being really annoying about it, but it’s kind of mothering to clean up other people’s mess. I threw away a dead flower that turned out to be something my roommate’s SO had gifted her on an anniversary, sometimes trash looks like junk but is sentimental lol.
Definitely don’t owe her anything other than pots/saucers though.” sk1ppo
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – small but still, you’re it. People get attached to the weirdest things, things that others would consider garbage. It wasn’t yours and you should not have thrown it out without notification.
You’ve already got a group chat going – it would have taken minimal effort to take a photo and announce “these things are dead and attracting creepy things. Please own up to them, take care of them or they will get disposed of in xxx days”.
And then chuck them out if no one replies and owns up to them. That way, no one gets their feelings hurt.” howardcoombs
1. AITJ For Leaving My Own Birthday Party After My Partner's Insensitive Comments?
“It was my 20th birthday and my partner threw me a party. I knew this party was happening and was excited for it. Unfortunately, it didn’t turn out how I expected. I wore my best dress and made myself up to look really nice. When I arrived, my partner made a comment to his friend that “wow she finally made an effort to look nice!” This shocked me and I was really hurt.
I don’t know why he’d say something like that.
I chose to ignore it and just went around the venue, talking to guests, etc. The next thing that happened is my nephew accidentally spilled his drink on my dress. It stained the dress and he was very apologetic.
I told him it’s ok, but I was upset about it inside. I went to find my partner and told him what had happened and that I’m going to go home and change (we don’t live far).
He said I’m just being dramatic and materialistic, and that I should just stay.
I told him I don’t feel comfortable being at my party all night with a wet/stained dress. So he said let me walk with you as it’s getting dark. We did that, I changed, and we went back to the party. An hour or so later, my partner’s friend (the one I mentioned previously) made a comment to me about my body.
It was an uncomfortable comment about it looking good. I told him to stop.
My partner then comes over and the friend repeats the comment to him. My partner laughs and I got upset. My partner said I can’t take a joke. I had enough and I just walked out and went home without saying anything to anyone.
My partner came home not too long afterward and said I ruined everyone’s night by being boring and walking out. I’m so upset by the way the night went and I’m so unclear if this was all my fault or not?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
It’s your birthday and your partner made a disparaging comment when you first appeared. He then tried to make you stay in a wet and stained dress. One of his friends made an uncomfortable comment, and partner said “can’t you take a joke?” (translated: “ignore the abuse”).
Of course you left. The best birthday present you might have gotten would have been a new partner. The current one is malfunctioning badly.” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First off, his comment about you finally looking nice was a psychological dig at you.
He will continue to do this as long as you are in a relationship with him. It will not get better or go away. He will say that kind of thing when you cook a really nice meal and or use the good dishes for visitors or visiting family.
He will make this kind of comment ANY and EVERY time you put forth any extra effort. Secondly, he did not support you when you expressed you were feeling uncomfortable, and instead played it down, not respecting you. Thirdly, when his friend made a very inappropriate, personal comment on your body, he didn’t stand up for you.
You were SO right to leave the party, and you would be SO right to leave this relationship. You deserve a caring partner who will support and respect you. This guy never will.” RedSky1357
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. Your partner sounds self-absorbed as all get out.
The only decent thing he did was walk with you to make sure you were safe, but beyond that, he disregarded your feelings at every turn. He goes out of his way to make you feel bad, then berates you for feeling bad – and all this ON YOUR BIRTHDAY.
You deserve so much better. Regardless, happy birthday and I hope things improve.” StumblinStephen
