People Bring The Drama In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
21. AITJ For Surprising My Partner With Coffee Because Of A Dream?
“A couple of days ago I had a dream that my partner and I had a romantic date and she surprised me with a lot of gifts.
I woke up early thinking that it would be nice if I surprised my partner with something a little nice today. I drove 20 minutes out to a cafe that my partner loves and ordered her favorite drink and some breakfast sandwiches.
When I got home, she was still in bed and I surprised her with the coffee and sandwich.
She looked so happy at first and then asked me why I decided to surprise her today. I explained that it was because I had a nice dream and I wanted her to feel special today. Immediately it looked like she was unhappy but we didn’t talk about it until today during an argument.
She said that I didn’t surprise her with coffee because I wanted to, but because my subconscious told me to. I am confused because I could’ve just easily ignored my dream and gone on with my day without even thinking of giving her a nice surprise.
So AITJ for surprising my partner with coffee because I had a nice dream?
For some context, my partner brought the coffee situation up during an argument we had over me eating the rest of our takeout order. We each had our own entree and were sharing two side dishes.
I gave her most of one of the side dishes because the other side dish was spicy, and the spices hurt her stomach. I know it was selfish and inconsiderate of me to finish the spicy side dish without asking her if she would like to have some and I’ve profusely apologized. This was the second time I’d eaten all of our food without consideration of my partner, not that this excuses my behavior.
The first time I ate all of our takeout food, I asked my partner if I could have the rest, and she said yes. She said I am never considerate of her and I’m only considerate of her when I want to, and the surprise coffee was an example of that.
We talked about this some more today and I brought up how I felt hurt that she would bring this up as an example of me being inconsiderate when I felt the two weren’t related. I had gotten her coffee as a nice gesture and it seemed like she wasn’t being appreciative of that.
She saw my point of view and apologized.”
Another User Comments:
“She’s mad that you had a pleasant dream, woke up happy, and did something nice for her? RUN. I know it seems silly now but what happens when you get her flowers because your subconscious says she’ll appreciate them?
Or remember her order when getting takeout for yourself, is she going to say it doesn’t count because your subconscious remembered? She is crazy. NTJ.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell your ungrateful partner that this is what you learned from your dream. In your dream, she surprised you with gifts and you were happy.
In reality, you surprised her with gifts and she made you unhappy. Your subconscious is telling you that you need to find your happiness elsewhere. Is it possible that the partner is very transactional in her relationships? That’s why she credits OP’s subconscious for his generosity rather than giving him full credit/thanks?
That might also be why OP was so happy to be getting gifts from his partner in the dream.” Mermaidtoo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The context just makes it sound worse. You had to profusely apologize because you ate the rest of the food that would have hurt her stomach while saving her the stuff she would enjoy?
It’s not like she would have eaten BOTH sides, why wouldn’t you eat the one she couldn’t eat without hurting herself? And you said it was the second time you ate takeout “without the consideration” of your partner but then, if I’m getting this correctly, you literally asked for it and she said yes?
The picture you’ve painted of this woman comes across as extremely difficult to please, in a really unfair way. The main post alone is just a depressingly cynical view of a nice gesture, and if I were you, I would be furious and not talk to my S/O after that.
Going out of your way to do something nice and then having it be treated that way for the stupidest reason, claiming that you are never considerate of her while going out of your way to accommodate her, it sounds EXHAUSTING.” PeriwinklePangolin24
20. AITJ For Not Wanting To Share My Streaming Services With My Wealthy Sister-In-Law?
“We’ve been sharing our Netflix password with my wife’s sister for years.
It was a nice gesture at the time but since then we went on a family plan with her and her husband for our cell phones, switching from T-Mobile to Verizon with whom I’ve had some serious issues since. Now she’s asking for our HBO password too.
I started my business and my sister-in-law (we will call her K from now on) started her business around the same time a few years ago and I watched as she succeeded from the get-go and many people volunteered to help her while I was on my own and most of the help I got I had to pay for.
I admit I have some jealousy there.
However, my wife has an MBA, and coached her every week for 3-4 years and when she asked K for equity she said no. But my wife is ok with that for some reason.
Also, it’s not like they’re broke.
K just sold her business for multiple 6 figures over a few year payouts and will be working as an employee for the contract who bought it, also earning 6 figures. They have a huge house and are vacationing in Australia for a month and then going on a cruise.
So I take issue with being asked to pay for their streaming services but my wife doesn’t want to hear it. She says it’s no big deal and especially coming from me, since she is mostly supporting me financially. I pay the streaming services for what it’s worth.
What’s next, will she ask us to pay her internet bill? Why stop there? Maybe we can pay her mortgage too while we’re at it.
I like K and her husband and kids. I really do. I’m happy for their success and I know how hard they worked to get there.
I just find the situation to be nonsense and honestly offensive.
Am I being unreasonable here?”
Another User Comments:
“Lol NTJ man. She can pay for her own stuff. Cut that access off and tell her to get her own phone plan too. I’d be fuming all over the place for that nonsense.
I’d send her a bill for your wife’s services too. Need to sit down and have a talk with the wife and explain what enabling means because she’s part of the problem. It’s not about how much it’s costing. It’s that you don’t need to pay for it at the point they make that much money.
Fundamentally your wife is the problem. Get that corrected and the rest will fall into place. And no HBO password either. Good grief…” Short-Classroom2559
Another User Comments:
“INFO: Has sharing the services caused you any inconvenience or issues? This is a tough one for me.
Listen–I understand why you feel the way you do. You seem to be holding a grudge against K on your wife’s behalf, and that is fine if that is what you want to do, though I think it is a waste of energy toward a negative purpose.
Regardless–if you are paying the same amount whether they share the subscription or not, I am not sure why you are so angry. The more important part of the story to me is that your wife has asked you not to make it a big deal, and as she is paying the majority of the bills, I think you should respect her wishes.
It seems to me like you resent your SIL because she makes more money than you and you want to punish her. HOWEVER, if you do decide to cut them off from your account, I suggest you give them a head’s up and tell them it is because the services are starting to crack down on subscription sharing.” kimariesingsMD
Another User Comments:
“NTJ change the password on your streaming services and make sure that you are the only one who can make changes to the accounts. Do not share the password with anyone. When your SIL asks, tell her that they are cracking down on account sharing and she will have to get her own.
If you pay for the phones, then you need to give everyone a 1-month notice and then cancel anyone not in your household. Sit down with your wife and talk about how her sister is taking advantage of her and how much better off the two of you will be once you are not subsidizing her fully capable sister.
Make sure to point out how one-sided their relationship is with your wife giving and her sister receiving.” bellePunk
19. AITJ For Refusing To Attend My Twin Sister's Wedding To My Childhood Bully?
“My (28M) twin sister (28F) recently got engaged to a guy (30M) who I’ll call Terry. In secondary school, Terry was a year above us and he and his friends bullied me relentlessly. I’ll spare you the finer details, but I’m talking “caused me lifelong psychological issues” type of stuff.
Granted it was never physical but it was a literal daily onslaught of psychological and verbal abuse, to the point where I bunked off probably half of Years 9 and 10 just so I could avoid it. I’m not a hateful or spiteful person, but I absolutely despise Terry for how he treated me when we were kids.
I was hurt when my sister started seeing him two years ago, but I tolerate being around him when I absolutely have to for the sake of keeping the peace.
However, I will not be attending their wedding or having anything at all to do with it.
Why would I want to go to an event that is effectively celebrating the guy who absolutely lavished in tormenting me for almost six years of my life? My sister is not happy about this. She says I’m being a selfish and petty jerk who won’t accept that people can change (though Terry has shown no indication of remorse for his behavior and has even tried to bring some things he did up like they were fun little jokes I was in on).
Our dad is on my sister’s side and has been giving me a really hard time about it, though our grandparents are a little more sympathetic to me.
Am I being a jerk here? Should I just get over it and suck it up for my sister’s sake?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not at all. Bullying can cause long-term consequences. Has he apologized for his behavior in any way? Honestly if if he had apologised you still don’t have to go. A wedding invitation is just that, an invitation. No one has to attend not even close family.
If they continue to bring it up – simply say no. You will not be attending. If you want to give a reason, tell them that you do not approve of the wedding as the groom was a bully and verbally abusive to you while you were growing up and you are concerned that he hasn’t apologized or acknowledged that and so you worry he that he has not changed and maybe abusive to your sister and you can not in good conscience approve the match.
You are willing to go to the wedding in order to object to it in the public setting if they’d like. Otherwise, you will object by not attending. They can choose.
My child was bullied and she avoids going to the area where one of the worst bullies lives.
I think you have been very accommodating to even be in the same room as him. I’m not sure that your family will ever understand what you’ve been through. It seems like they want to rug sweep rather than make the bully face the consequences of his actions.
Good luck.” millymollymel
Another User Comments:
“As a 50-something survivor of relentless, hourly, schoolmate abuse, I can assure you you’re NTJ. Luckily I don’t see my abusers anymore, but occasionally as an adult, I would pass one in the mall, or see their name online, and boom – right back to grammar and middle school.
(One of the worst ones just died unexpectedly, and the whole school community is in shreds, while I just sat back and felt relief.) Flicking up my skirt, pushing my face into the water fountain, knocking my lunch off of my desk, stealing my homework, ALWAYS last for teams – if I got picked at all.
Even the bus to and from school was a nightmare. Teachers did nothing. Finally, in High School, my abusers found other stuff to do, although they still played their games if we ran into each other, like holding the classroom door shut so I couldn’t come in.
Therapy wasn’t really a thing then. It’s taken many years to learn that it wasn’t me, or my fault.
Final answer: if my sister was marrying one of my former bullies, I’d cut them off, because even though I’m an adult now, I just don’t give a crap that they were kids back then, and “should” be forgiven.
I’ve suffered enough, and no amount of “BuT tHeY’rE FaMiLy!” could induce me to spend a moment of my time in their presence. Stay strong – you’ve suffered enough, too.” DistributionDue511
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!! If he was honestly remorseful, that would be one thing.
The fact he is joking about it shows he hasn’t actually matured. Why is your sister pressuring you, when you were the one bullied, but not expecting him to admit that he did something wrong and sincerely apologize? It is honestly pretty gross that both your sister and dad are willing to ignore how he treated you in the past if it was actually abusive, which it sounds like it was.
You need to take care of yourself, as none of them seems to care. If that means avoiding the wedding, you are absolutely justified in not attending!!” Beyarboo
18. AITJ For Kicking My SO Out Of The Hospital Room Because Of Their Noisy Phone?
“I was on my way home in an Uber when I felt faint, hot, chest tightening, arms numb, and suddenly very tired. Uber driver noticed I was off and took me to hospital. SO came to visit, he was there for about 30 minutes when I felt sleepy, but their phone kept going off.
I asked them to get off of their phone or go to the lobby. They responded that it was my mom asking how I was doing. 5 minutes later his phone kept going off again…Too tired to argue I pressed the nurse button and asked the nurse to show him where the lobby was.
We’re home now, I’m still tired and he proceeds to tell me he’s upset with me because I asked him to leave. Looked at him like he was crazy and said are you serious right now? I was just in the hospital and it upset you that I asked you to leave even when I made it known that your phone was bothering me?
He started yelling at me telling me “I CAME TO VISIT YOU AND YOU ASKED ME TO LEAVE”. I yelled back and called him selfish, but then got lightheaded and now I’m lying down. He proceeded to slam the door and start using foul language.
Before he yelled at me he said “you could have just asked me to silence my phone” (I didn’t think to ask him very specific things when I was in the hospital, because I was out of it? Couldn’t he have silenced his phone himself?
I don’t know what’s happening?!)”
Another User Comments:
“He should have automatically silenced the phone when he entered the hospital, whether you asked or not, out of respect not just for you but for everyone at the ER. Imagine if everyone’s phone were going off constantly at the ER.
The last time I was with someone else at the ER, I had to go ask the nurse to tell another visitor to silence his phone. He was making a racket, while my partner was completely out of it and trying to rest, and it was not just him but two dozen other people.
Your partner sounds like he has empathy issues and is selfish. NTJ but your partner arguably is.” Gombacska
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You needed to recover and didn’t want unnecessary stress. You asked him to get off his phone or go to the lobby and he refused to do either.
You had every right to ask him to leave for annoying you while you are IN THE FREAKING HOSPITAL. You need to really think about your relationship. Your SO just revealed the type of person they truly are. Do you want to have to deal with that all the time?
Because if not, you should get out of that relationship.” KingPikachu542
Another User Comments:
“I’ll take a slightly different stance and say I feel like no one is the jerk here. To me, it seems like your husband got stuck playing the sucky role of middleman between you and your worried mother, along with who knows who else.
You did make mention of the phone being bothersome but I’m sure most of us can relate when you’re trying to wrap up a text conversation and the other person just keeps asking questions or sending messages and dragging the whole ordeal out.
Given the whole “wife in the hospital” situation, I can cut him a pass for not thinking straight and putting the phone on silent or do not disturb. I can also see how he would be understandably miffed when he comes to the hospital worried about you and trying to visit you and then getting asked to leave.
THAT ALL SAID, I can also completely understand that you weren’t in the right mental state to be able to patiently (pun intended) deal with an annoying phone going off. After making him aware of the phone being annoying, I can totally get you reaching a point where you just NEED IT TO STOP, and calling in a nurse becomes a means to an end.
I think this falls more in line with your typical spousal “not on the same page and now we’re both upset with each other” kinda thing. You needed peace and quiet and did what you had to do to get it. It seems like he was just trying to do right by you and those concerned for you, and wasn’t trying to be negligent or annoying.
(This is all based on what I can read in OP’s post, of course being there and witnessing it all play out would lead to a different and more accurate evaluation.)” Qui-Gon-John
17. AITJ For Letting The Neighbor's Puppy Step In Our Blue Lava Volcano Experiment?
“My son wanted to make a volcano. So, we did. He wanted blue lava, so I added blue food coloring.
The neighbors have this adorable little puppy. He looks like a hound.
He was running around and I kept picking him up to steer him away from our volcano.
We got everything set up and I got out my phone to make a video of my son’s “science ‘speriment.” He’s 4, experiment is a tough word.
He went up and poured in the baking soda mixture and Mt.
Vesuvius was born. In blue.
The puppy ran up again and stepped in the blue lava. His little white socks are now blue. I went over and told the neighbors that it was just food coloring so they wouldn’t worry. They were mad. Said I should have moved the volcano to the backyard or waited until the puppy wasn’t running around.
I don’t think it’s my responsibility to make sure their puppy doesn’t end up with blue paws. I mean, he’s cute and not a dangerous dog, but they still should probably keep him on a leash or something. I haven’t seen him run out in the road, but he could and that would be much worse than blue paws that won’t stay blue permanently.
So, AITJ for not taking more care to keep the puppy out of our lava?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ lol let me get this straight… they let their puppy run wild, it gets into something, then they blame anyone but themselves? Tell those idiots that there are a lot worse things out there for a puppy to get into than blue food coloring.
Some people leave rat poison out… PSA: as a vet tech who used to work ER, for goodness’ sake people please keep your dogs controlled. We see them come in hit by cars, attacked by dogs/wildlife, poisoned, etc., etc., etc. Leash laws exist for a reason!” ProfN42
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – If the puppy is running onto your property, then it’s not your responsibility to make sure it stays away from your volcano. You have as much of a right to use your front yard as they do, and most places in the US at least have leash laws.
They should’ve kept a better watch on their pup. At least for the most part food coloring is harmless to dogs, and it will wash out in time. No harm no foul this time. But if the puppy runs out into the road or in the driveway of someone backing their car out, it’d be a totally different story.
Hopefully, they take better care of their little one before he gets hurt.” CrimsonKnight_004
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They are its owners, keeping an animal safe is like Taking Care of a Pet 101. They should keep it on a leash or in the backyard for its own safety until it’s properly trained at least. They had the audacity to get mad when they were clearly neglecting the animal. They are lucky you adore the dog and it’s just some food coloring on its paws.
Edit: I’ve read that there were some owners with him at the front yard when it ran to yours, still a neglectful act. They either weren’t paying attention to it or were too far away to catch it. It could’ve run to the road.” [deleted]
16. AITJ For Calling Off Work Last Minute To Attend The Pride Parade?
“Today was the Chicago Pride parade which I called off work to attend.
I am a waitress at a restaurant. I didn’t give management a reason for calling off, just personal reasons. I don’t call off often so I figured it was no big deal since this was important to me.
They found out that I was there by another colleague gossiping about seeing me there out of innocent conversation and I guess the manager did not like that I missed work for this reason since work is apparently more important and I did my colleagues a disservice by not showing up and making them work harder.
I explained to my manager that I took off for a personal reason whatever that might be and he told me I am on a warning for not providing a valid reason for calling off and misleading the business by lying about why I called off.
I asked my manager if he had an issue with my going to a pride parade and he said that if something that trivial falls on a scheduled work day then I need to show up to work unless someone is sick or dying or next time I’m fired. He also said that if I want to go to a party parade then I should do that on my off days.”
Another User Comments:
“As a fellow waiter who admittedly calls off pretty much whenever I want, for whatever I want, because I’m just a waiter, not a doctor, I still say YTJ. See when I call off and tell a lie about why I’m not gonna be at work, I’m fully aware I’m being a jerk.
If my boss somehow caught me in my lie, I would accept my fate and sign my write-up and apologize and agree that what I did was wrong and probably wouldn’t call off again for at least a year or something. I wouldn’t double down and not only, not understand why what I did was wrong, but also insult my boss and passive-aggressively call him a bigot.
Also as a fellow member of the service industry, your attitude doesn’t surprise me at all. Also, I know, that you know, one week in advance when requesting a shift off is not even close to enough time. If you wanna be a jerk and skip your serving job, I would be the first person cheering you on and saying go for it, but I’m not gonna sit there and coddle you like you’re a victim if you get found out.” Any-Inside5233
Another User Comments:
“As a manager who also does scheduling, YTJ. Asking off one week in advance is like not asking off at all. I guarantee that your schedule had already been posted at that point, so your only option was to find someone who would be willing to swap shifts with you.
For huge events like Pride, you need to be asking off months in advance, because chances are that many of your coworkers are also going to ask off that day. Whether the boss wants to or not, they simply cannot let most of the staff have the same day off, so it’s often on a first come, first serve basis.
I will do my best to give my employees their requests off, but I can’t always make it work. I truly don’t care why they’re asking off either. Maybe their pet parrots are getting married that day. Cool! I don’t care. It’s important to them, so it’s important to me.
My only ask is that if I can’t make it work (and I do 95% of the time), you return the favor and show up when you’re scheduled.” tribend
Another User Comments:
“Hmmm. You said you requested off 1 week earlier, and your request was declined. At my daughter’s two jobs, if she asks at least 2 weeks in advance for time off, she pretty much gets it no questions asked. After that, the schedules are developed, and it’s harder to ask off for non-emergency reasons (however, not at all impossible).
You don’t say how old you are. I’d cut you a bit more slack if you are in HS or early college. Kids that age can be a bit myopic sometimes. However, if you are older, I’d say there are some things you should know better.
Ideally, you would have been aware of the pride parade at least 2 weeks ago and asked for time off right away. In most jobs, if you don’t get the time off as requested you have the following options: (1) you do the legwork to find someone to cover your shift so that management does not mind the employee substitution, (2) you understand that they are not expecting you to call out for anything less than a medical emergency or similar.
(3) understand that, for this year, you may just have to miss the event and plan ahead better for next year. I realize you may have felt that you had no choice and that you gave adequate notice. It is more likely that you needed to request the time off a week further in advance.
Realize that your boss is probably and rightfully upset you left them short a staff for something optional (vs. being sick). An apology for that will go a long way.” swillshop
15. AITJ For Calling Out My Mom's Neglectful Behavior And Lack Of Responsibility?
“I (15F) live with both my parents (50M and 58F) and the youngest of my 4 brothers (21M).
Ever since I can remember my mom used to tell me that I was a wish come true since she was always hoping for a daughter but had bad luck, explaining my 4 older brothers. Despite her constant love and care for me, which I always reciprocated, I was always more comfortable with my dad and brother since I was around them more often.
To give context, my mom works a normal day job and my dad typically works from 12 am and is home by 9, or earlier, to wake us up and have us get ready for the day depending on our plans. Because of this I only see my mom between the hours of 9 am-10 am/11 am and 5 pm-12 am.
My mom suddenly got another job which had her working from 5 pm-11 pm/12 am every day except Mondays and Thursdays. Now I barely see her anymore. She became friends with a couple of her coworkers at her new job which is normal.
I think my mom’s “friends” brainwashed her or something..?
Ever since she met them she’s been going out with them every day, has become unavailable to everyone in the family even when there are emergencies, and has been becoming very aggressive with someone tries to speak to her.
She always talks about how my dad keeps bothering her for money for the damages she did to his car.
My dad pays for all the bills and when something happens to the car he has to pay for it also because she isn’t on the insurance.
Last Thursday, my dad was helping me with summer homework, I left my room to go get a water bottle and I heard my mom on the phone with her “friend” talking about how my dad keeps complaining about money and how her children are getting more annoying by the day.
I was sick and tired of her saying stupid stuff so I snapped.
The convo:
Me: “If you are going to continue to complain about being bothered don’t come home anymore. I’m sure your “friends” are so great that they’ll take you into their house.”
Mom: “Shut up and stop getting into my business.”
Me: “It is my business because you keep speaking about me and the rest of the family as if we are the bad guys when you can’t even hold the simple job of a mother. All you do is go out and get intoxicated and then come back home the next day with a damaged car.
You should be happy Dad is letting you use his car.”
Mom: “How dare you speak to me like. That is my car.”
Me: “It’s not your car, you’re not on the insurance…and next time you plan on going out and getting intoxicated don’t come back home if all you’re going to do is complain and complain about everything.”
Mom: “That is unreasonable and you can’t do that.”
Me: “I may not be able to but Dad can. He pays the bills not you.”
I walked away and finished my work. Later on, she went out with her friends again. She came back the next day and she hasn’t said anything since then.
I’m not sure what happened but I can’t help but feel like I was too harsh with my words.
Could I have been nicer? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m not sure you’d be able to answer but there are a few weird things about your story: How does a married couple have a car with one of them not on the insurance?
Who made that decision and how is that legal (it’s not in my jurisdiction)? If your dad pays all the bills, why did your mom get a second job? What does her money go to Assuming you’re in school, until your mom got the second job you should be seeing her the same amount as you see your dad, according to the hours you say you see her.
That should only change during the summer holidays. Looking at this story through this lens, I have to say everyone’s a jerk here. It sounds like a very dysfunctional family that needs therapy.” Blkcdngaybro
Another User Comments:
“I have a few questions. As a 15 yo how do you know all the details of the family financials?
Have they sat you down with the checking account info and detailed out everything from mom and dads pay to what each of them take care of with their paychecks? Or do you just assume Dad pays everything from his checks because he’s the one who physically pays the bills each month?
Maybe they have an agreement that you don’t know about where he pays the household bills and she pays to feed everyone and put away for college and/or retirement funding. It’s highly unlikely that you know the real truth about the financials.
Also, you have no idea what your parents discuss behind closed doors and what kind of agreements they have. Maybe they are having marital issues and have decided to separate but put on a façade for the family. Maybe they decided to have an open relationship.
You have no idea why your mom may be doing what she’s doing. You are definitely out of place with the way you went off on your mother. I understand being upset about hearing her vent to her friends but everyone vents about the people around them to trusted people every now and again.
It’s normal human nature. Even when someone has seemingly good relationships, there will be something sometimes that will cause a person to vent. But as someone else mentioned, she should not have done it within earshot of the people she’s venting about.” Paige_Porcelain
Another User Comments:
“Let’s look at this from your mom’s perspective: she works two jobs for her family. That’s a big burden. So sure, she goes out sometimes to blow off steam after a shift. And now her daughter has the nerve to tell her that she’s not contributing to the family even though she works two jobs to do so.
That’s likely how she sees things. So you’ve gotta ask yourself – where’s she wrong/what’s she missing? If Dad earns most of the money, why is mom working two jobs? And stop it with the car and insurance thing. That’s between Mom and Dad and the insurance company.
And here’s the biggest hurdle for you to clear: what’s wrong with her venting to her friends about her family? Is she not allowed to do that? The best answer I’ve got is “she really shouldn’t do that where her family can hear”. Depending on the answers to rise questions, you’ll receive your judgment.
Since you asked: You clearly could have been nicer. I’m not sure if that would have served your interests.” BigBayesian
14. AITJ For Not Wanting To Reconnect With A Former Friend Who Bullied Me For My Sexuality?
“I (17f) had the same friend group for my entire elementary and middle school career. This story mostly centers around a girl, who we will call M. My friend group and I were never particularly close, as in we never hung out outside of school, or had each other’s numbers.
I would also like to mention that M was very religious and somewhat judgmental towards my actions, specifically with me coming out of the closet in my 6th year. M made it a point from the very beginning to show her disdain towards my sexuality and made it abundantly clear she didn’t support it in a lot of passive-aggressive ways such as making rumors and telling teachers lies about me and my then partner.
By the end of middle school, my friend group had kind of fallen apart, and I moved out of state and kind of forgot about everything that happened.
Which leads to now. I got an Instagram DM from an unknown account and was surprised to see it was M.
She started the conversation by saying she was sorry for what she did and she is now openly bi. I told her that was cool and she asked if we could hang out sometime. I told her I was 2 states away, and that even if I wasn’t, I don’t really feel comfortable hanging out with someone who did the things she did just because she said sorry and is now bi.
She told me that I was a jerk for not wanting to be friends again and that ‘this was why I never wanted to hang out after school’ to which I told her that was fine and to have a nice day. I don’t know if I’m the jerk, but I do feel bad.
I know she was probably suffering inside all those years and that was why she acted how she did, but I also don’t feel comfortable, because my memories of her are rather sour. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re not obligated to be her friend just because she said she was sorry and then tells you she’s bi.
What she did was hurtful to you and although she may need a support system now, doesn’t mean you have to supply that to her. The fact that you were honest with why you didn’t want to renew a friendship with her and her retort tells me she wasn’t looking for a friendship but someone to use until she learns to navigate her identity and feel comfortable in her own skin.
That’s not friendship, that’s having a use for someone for their own means. Stand your ground, try not to feel guilty, and good for you.” Saraqael_Rising
Another User Comments:
“NTJ she was a terrible friend to you. She should have put her religious views aside if she really cared, I don’t know why she is so mad about you not wanting to be friends with her when she hates something about you, that you were born with.
She is a homophobe and even if she was raised to believe that she is just a kid, you and her are not compatible as friends if this is how she treats you.” ChrissaTodd
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. With her coming out as well she probably is looking for people to talk about it that are not from her religious circle.
Also feeling guilt of course. You are in no way obligated to help her out of course. Just might want to think about the situation she might be in.” Zagdil
13. AITJ For Not Taking Our Child To Visit His Absentee Father?
“A man and I were in a relationship for a few years and had a child. We had broken up many times, and there was every day arguing throughout the entire relationship but I eventually truly left him after a very notable incident. I was 4 months pregnant at the time and didn’t want to be alone during my pregnancy, especially while caring for our 15-month-old child and having little money, so my sister offered a room for us at her house.
She lived 45 minutes away, and the child’s father knew where the child and I were going and approved, he was pretty much fine with us moving out.
Over the course of 5 months, the only time he saw his child was when we came to stay with him for 1 week.
In the 5 months, he gave me a $20 item to return to Walmart, a $15 pack of diapers. During these 5 months, he spent hundreds of dollars on himself, buying clothing and video games, and other stuff.
Neither of us had a vehicle, but my sister did, and the father claims that it was my responsibility to bring the child to visit him because I am who left and took the child with me.
He also claims he couldn’t be expected to visit the child because he didn’t have a car. Even though he could have taken a $2 bus to my sister’s house and then back home, any day, Monday through Friday.
He claims he didn’t give me money for child support because he didn’t know what I’d be spending it on, and I smoke so he considered it would be buying me smokes.
He didn’t send the child anything for Christmas and said that my family must not care about the child since they were unwilling to drive the child to see his father on Christmas.
Am I the jerk for not bringing our child back to see his father, and for expecting the father to come see his child at the child’s new home?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That’s a deadbeat and you shouldn’t care about his feelings at this point. Please make sure you go to court if you haven’t already to get the child support straightened out as it is money your child is ENTITLED to and has nothing to do with his weird fantasy of you taking him for all he’s worth (which sounds like jack nothing) to purchase items solely for yourself.” maaya_the_bee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, on all of it HOWEVER I would revisit the child support and get it automatically deducted from his disability. You’ll need to go to court to do this. Yes, you’ll need a lawyer for it but it will be worth it in the end.
He’s probably lying about not being able to pay you more. My sister’s ex-husband did that. Lied constantly about not having a job or being on disability and not having enough. She went to court, and the court discovered this was NOT true at all.
The court had an order put through that garnishes his paychecks/etc. and automatically sends it to her. Make the deadbeat pay you the necessary and required child support. Don’t feel guilty about moving away. If he doesn’t make an effort to show up for his child, that’s on him.” MissBerrylicious
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s absolutely not your responsibility to provide transportation so that he can see his child. I live in the city it is 45 miles just to drive across the city and I did it for years to see my children. He can take a bus or get a car.
And it’s not like you moved to another state or anything. He sounds lazy and uninterested in his daughter because if he gave a darn nothing would stop him from seeing that child. And you need to take him to court and get child support for that child because it’s a child’s right to have decent support from both parents.” [deleted]
12. AITJ For Cancelling Plans With My Chronically Late Friend?
“I (21F) have a friend (20M) who is always late. Normally, it’s only by about 15-20 minutes, and I have a decent level of tolerance for this, even though I’m the type to be 15 minutes early to everything. However, last week I reached my breaking point.
He’s leaving soon to go back to college, so we decided to spend the day together at the water park. The plan was to leave for the park around 1:30 pm. Because I know he’s always late, I figured we’d actually leave around 2 pm. I called him a few times that morning to check in, making sure he was getting ready.
All seemed well. But then, 2 o’clock rolls around, and I call again. He says he’s not ready yet, but he’ll be on the way soon. I’m frustrated, but continue to wait.
By 3:30, after no communication from him, I decided I’m over it, and call to cancel the plans.
He got angry saying he was driving to my house and I should just go, but I held a firm boundary and didn’t go even after he finally showed up (around 3:45). I said that if he wanted to hang out, he should have more respect for my time.
Then I went inside and left him sitting in my driveway. He doesn’t understand my perspective and says I need to learn to “go with the flow” and be less high-strung. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your reaction was totally justified. Plus, he made you wait for 2h15 which is a total jerk move.
However, maybe you should ponder about your friendship. I mean, one could expect that if you guys were to leave for college, he could have made an effort to see you.” Sushiwitcher
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That is super disrespectful towards you. That isn’t ‘going with the flow’ that’s him expecting you to keep your life on hold for when he finally moseys his way over to you.
No thanks, dude. He couldn’t even call to let you know that he wasn’t coming on time? Naw, dude. I have family that is constantly late to everything, and it ain’t cute. I remember standing in the SNOW waiting for 45 minutes for them to be somewhere and they didn’t even apologize.
“You all know that I can’t be on time.” We all know you’re an adult and need to learn to manage your time. The same family has a meltdown if they have to wait two minutes for anyone at any time. Sure feels different when you’re not wearing the shoe that’s doing the stepping!
There was an article written some time ago called ‘You’re Note Late, You’re Rude And Inconsiderate.” When did being late become a cute personality trait instead of someone being told “Quit treating me like that”?” TaiDollWave
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Maybe he should have “gone with the flow” that you decided to cancel plans.
What, he’s the only one who’s allowed to be flexible with their time? Being that late is incredibly disrespectful. He wasted practically your entire afternoon that you could have been doing something else. You were very reasonable and communicated with him your clear boundaries. If he doesn’t like it, that’s on him.” whozitsandwhatsits
11. AITJ For Reporting My Cousin For Stealing My Photos And Pretending They're His?
“I (30F) like most people post pictures of what I’m doing/eating/places I’m visiting on social media and family group chats.
I recently noticed that my cousin S (21M) has been uploading photos and videos I’ve taken and posting them on his IG account like he took them. Both his highlights and posts are captioned in a way that makes it look like he was the one at whatever activity/place etc. However, they’re my posts.
This also includes stuff I have sent only to the family group chat, and not uploaded to my own socials.
I told him to take down everything he’s stolen from me but he ignored me for weeks so I reported him on Instagram and then blocked him.
This morning his mum (dad’s sister) started blowing up at me on the group chat for “harassing” her son. I explained that I find it creepy that he’s trying to pretend to have my life and it makes me uncomfortable but she said I was being a selfish jerk.
I asked my dad if I was justified in my behavior, we are usually close and think the same, but he thinks I took the nuclear option,
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – as a photographer, I don’t like when people steal my photos for their own benefit – even if it is only fake internet points or likes.
Even if they attribute the photo to me – if they haven’t been given permission, that is copyright theft/infringement. While it may be a hobby and not your vocation – he is stealing your work and passing it off as his own. If he went viral or used his feed to get work as a social media content producer or got a date or whatever – he is basing this and his social media feed on lies and using content STOLEN from you.
Sounds like he is a jerk. And anyone in your family that doesn’t see it this way – if you explain it calmly and reasonably – and thinks you are “harassing him” by doing/saying something about this – well, they would also be a jerk.” AnybodyMassive1610
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t have to simply block him. You could have sued him. Your reaction was actually pretty mild and lenient. If his mother actually approves of this behavior, block her as well. I can’t believe anyone in your family would actually support him in this.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I mean seriously. If he’s using your pics to catfish people on Instagram that’s not only creepy, but it’s mildly unsafe for you since you have no control over who sees these pictures of your life. What’s stopping him from just making a new account if nobody but you is calling him out for it?
What happens if he does that and some of the unsavory types start figuring out where you like to hang out or god forbid where you live before you find the profile and have it taken down. Would your aunt still think you’re the jerk if your cousin’s actions put you in the crosshairs of some hardcore stalkers or worse?
I hate to put that sort of fear into your mind, but no joke, traffickers using his posts to find you is a real worst-case scenario if your cousin doesn’t knock this off.” akaMichAnthony
10. AITJ For Not Wanting To Talk To My Abusive Older Brother?
“I (27f) have a brother named Harold (29m). Our relationship has never been great. He’s always been a jerk. About 6 years ago, Harold pretty much stopped talking to me. He wouldn’t answer phone calls or texts and never initiated phone calls or texts either.
So, I gave up on trying to talk to him. For about 3-4 years we would only talk in person because we would be at our parents’ place at the same time. I would try to avoid him because he would only talk about himself and how much he partied. He would never ask me what I was up to.
He would also lecture me about how I needed to move out of our parents’ house and call me a freeloading jerk even though our parents were paying for his rent.
He moved back to the area where my parents live about two years ago and our relationship got worse.
He would never leave me alone and go through my things without asking. He would say really messed up things to me like how if I didn’t have a stick up my backside all the time men would be more willing to be with me.
He was always looking for a slight and would start saying really mean things to me. Then he would immediately turn around and ask me why I hated him so much when all he does is try to be my friend. He then would go to our parents and two siblings and start complaining and moaning about how I hated him so much and he doesn’t know how to get me to like him.
Everyone suggested that instead of talking about himself and partying all the time, try talking about what I’m into. Our little brother also suggested just leaving me alone because I’m pretty introverted and probably feel overwhelmed by him constantly being in my face.
My parents backed that up and reminded Harold that overall, he just needed to be more respectful of my space and boundaries.
A little over a year ago, I moved out a couple of states away. I only really talk to Harold when I’m visiting our hometown.
The last time I spoke to him on the phone was on my birthday back in September. My parents wish that we would talk more but they also understand that I just don’t want to deal with conflict. My dad never gives me grief about it but my mom does every once in a while.
I was talking to my mom recently and she started telling me that I needed to talk to Harold more often. He has been calling a lot recently but I don’t want to talk to him for obvious reasons. When I said I didn’t really have anything to say, she started telling me I needed to get over whatever the reason I don’t want to talk is.
I said he’s never willing to change and every conversation ends the same way. She told me that I was a jerk because he’s my brother and I should stay in touch.
So, AITJ for not wanting to talk to my older brother?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You do not have to comfort the bully who has intentionally and systematically made your life difficult for years. Your mother is the jerk for telling you to get over it just because he’s your brother. Because I guarantee she has not told him he is a jerk for routinely pestering you and being a jerk.
Just because you are biologically related does not mean you have to talk to, see, or have any feelings for someone. The next time your mom brings it up just say “Mother; I understand it’s hard for you to realize that my relationship with your son is not what you want it to be.
Unfortunately, it’s hard for me that your son has repeatedly and without remorse trampled on my boundaries. It’s also hard that you expect me to be the bigger person when he cannot even conduct himself as a decent person. If you bring this topic up again; please be aware that I will not respond and if pressed I will leave or hang up or ignore texts until you change the subject.
And this is not an attack on you—but a boundary I am hoping you will respect. Perhaps if you respect my boundaries he will one day learn to do the same.”” Terra88draco
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – cutting off a toxic person (even family) does not make you a bad person.
It makes you someone who values and respects themselves. I would recommend sitting down with both of your parents and being very clear with your mum about your boundaries and reasoning. By doing this she will hopefully find it more difficult to dismiss your concerns.
You can also let her know that if she doesn’t respect your boundaries (and mental health), you may need to place distance and boundaries between the two of you. This may act as a wake-up call. Especially if she is playing into ignorance.” RaiseSubstantial8420
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So your parents know that your brother’s a jerk and doesn’t understand boundaries and treats you badly but they still say you should have more contact with him? What is wrong with these people? I’m in my sixties and I have almost no relationship with my brother because all he ever talks about it is new toys he buys or how awesome he is at his job.
He brags, he’s condescending toward women, never asks any personal questions, and thinks the worst of me in any situation. If I had a friend that treated me this way I wouldn’t have anything to do with him. I do see my brother occasionally but as he is basically insufferable to be around and is so self-centered it’s a one-way conversation.
Of course you don’t have to be around him. If I were you I would give him a silent ringtone and that way you don’t even have to be bothered when he calls. You’ll just see the call later and delete it. Problem solved. Just because we’re born into the same family does not mean we have the same morals or the same emotional health.
While I completely understand what adds to my brother’s narcissism and dysfunction it doesn’t mean that I want to be a part of it or have it in my life at this stage.” [deleted]
9. AITJ For Asking My Roommate To Pay For Data Recovery After He Corrupted My SD Card?
“I (23F) am a filmmaker and have a nice camera with only one SD card. I bought a camera from a garage sale and wanted to wait to test it out until I purchased a new SD card. My roommate (21M) insisted he test out the new camera for me and just insert my only SD card into the new camera.
I asked him not to because I was afraid of losing my data, but he did it anyway. As a result, all of my photos and videos were corrupted (6,000+ photos – from a cross-country road trip, my college graduation, etc. And 1,000ish video clips from my film projects).
I asked him to pay what it cost to recover the photos and videos and he said it wasn’t fair to ask that considering I would’ve tested out the camera anyway and it’s my fault for not backing up my photos. He claims he didn’t remember me asking him not to test my new camera and that it’s not his fault and therefore he won’t pay.
I went ahead and paid for some recovery software that was ~$100 since my photos and videos are worth much more than that to me, and after 3 hours of running the recovery, about 1,000 photos were still corrupt and every single one of my videos had been corrupted too.
I told my roommate I paid for the recovery and all the videos were corrupted and he didn’t even apologize, and he refuses to pay. He thinks he can recover them himself somehow with free software. I don’t even want him to try because at this point I don’t trust him.
I am pretty much in tears because this SD card had years worth of short film materials for different projects I was working on. I avoid speaking to him now and definitely don’t want to renew a lease with him. Am I overreacting? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you break it, you pay it. But at least you learned 2 valuable lessons here. 1) he’s not somebody to trust. 2) backup, backup, backup. Our wedding photographer actually had a camera with dual SD slots, and even during the day would cycle SD cards, so even 2 cards blowing up wouldn’t ruin a significant amount of pictures.” DutchTinCan
Another User Comments:
“INFO: how did he get access to your camera and SD card if you told him not to do it? Did you give them to him or did he take them? If you gave them to him he might have taken that as a signal that you changed your mind about testing the camera.
If he took it, you’re obviously NTJ. But learn your lesson and always (!) back up your data! Back up your phone, back up your laptop, and everything else that you would hate to lose.” alsokalli
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It’s not really his fault if you didn’t back up YEARS worth of data.
That is super not his fault. It is his fault for playing around with equipment he didn’t know anything about. But, on the other hand, if you willingly handed over your equipment and your SD card without backing things up, that’s irresponsible on your end.
Recover your data, bury the hatchet, and set better boundaries in the future.” pkerman
8. AITJ For Causing My Mother's Depression After She Kicked Me Out?
“When I was 19 (and potentially awaiting spinal surgery), my mother kicked me out for ‘not contributing enough’ (reduced work hours and gone for physical therapy a lot; work injury), then presented an ‘ultimatum’ a month later that I come back, and give her all of the money I earn from my job on top of paying rent/etc so she can ‘better her life’, or stay out/homeless.
I stayed out, as the alternative would mean I’d be entirely in debt to her. I didn’t keep it a secret. When family or friends asked, I’d tell or show them exactly what had happened.
Apparently, a lot of people cut her off, and she spiraled into a deep depression.
No bathing for long periods of time, staying in bed, not going out to get groceries, fighting with her husband, etc.
I even called her out on it when I was asked about my living situation at Christmas, surrounded by family and friends. She’d apparently told people I’d moved into a new apartment and just hadn’t contacted my family since.
She’s recently tried reaching out again after seeing how well I’m doing, and I’ve kept my distance. She’s since gotten certifications and tried to turn her life around, but I’ve given little to no excitement for these things when she shares them.
She keeps asking to meet up and I mostly ignore the requests.
It took me an extra year of therapy to pass as ‘normal’, though I still have difficulty bending and such. The therapist said if I hadn’t been sleeping in a car, it would’ve been a shorter process by a lot.”
Another User Comments:
“Your mother is sorry people found out about her actions and is depressed because she had to face consequences. If there weren’t any consequences, there wouldn’t have been any changes to her behavior, which means any change wasn’t truly genuine. She was abusive to you and then angry when you didn’t let her abuse you more.
You didn’t cause her episode, her actions did.” Fire_or_water_kai
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t cause anything. She made choices. There were consequences. Those consequences of HER actions caused a depressive episode. You didn’t leave laughing and singing at her misfortune. That might have been harsh.
She kicked you out despite you being unwell and then got called on it. Then wanted all your money despite knowing you would need it yourself to survive? Nope. Her consequences, not your fault.” bottleofgoop
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not responsible for other people’s reactions or actions.
The accountability is on them. You do not have to have a relationship with your mom should you choose not to for your mental health and for the sake of the past. If you want to free yourself from the burden of the past I would suggest therapy just to have that healing process mentally for yourself.” MamaBear8712
7. AITJ For Surprising My Daughter With My New Relationship?
“I (42F) have a daughter, Ellie (13F). I divorced her father when she was 8. We have 50/50 custody. Her dad is SUPER homophobic.
I have been seeing Jess (41F) for about a year. I was really excited to introduce Jess to Ellie. A few days ago, we were going to go to dinner with Jess that night, and it was going to be a surprise.
We were sitting down at the table, (Jess was waiting in the bathroom) and I casually asked what she thought of the LGBTQ+ community. She scoffed and said it was disgusting. I knew her father put those words in her mouth because she was very supportive of it a few months ago.
I was shocked, and I felt a little inside. Jess emerged with a smile on her face.
Jess: “Ellie! I’ve heard so much about you!”
Ellie: “This is disgusting! *Turns to me* What the heck are you thinking?! Seeing HER?”
Before anyone could say anything, she stormed away and called her father to pick her up.
I texted her later that evening telling her there is no excuse for her behavior like that, and she needed to accept that I loved Jess. She cussed me out and told me that I didn’t deserve to love if I loved her.
I feel like I may be the jerk because I’m not considering how Ellie feels.
Am I the jerk for not pleasing my daughter?”
Another User Comments:
“I say this as both the child of divorced parents and as a lesbian parent: YTJ. YTJ for surprising your daughter in this way and putting her on the spot instead of talking to her directly and one-on-one and giving her time to process.
Her reaction may have been about being blindsided and not completely about being homophobic. (Although it certainly can be both.) YTJ for putting Jess in this situation. Did she know that Ellie wasn’t aware that her mom was seeing a woman? I doubt it. Seriously, in what world would surprising a teen with a new long-term partner at dinner be a fun surprise ever?
We all need time to process. Your daughter could have had conversations with you and asked questions and worked through this in a much more productive way than you doing a reality TV reveal. And that would do a lot to help her open her mind to anything that her father has been saying about LGBTQ+ folks.” zenia7
Another User Comments:
“I do not understand at all why you’d divorce such a fantastic man….I’m sorry you have to co-parent with someone like that. Your daughter is parroting the nonsense she hears from her father. Hopefully, you can force some empathy in her before she turns into a mini version of her father because that would be a disaster.
No, you’re NTJ. Your ex’s bigotry doesn’t get to choose who you love, no matter whether or not your daughter agrees. The ambush tactic, though, was in poor taste. Especially knowing the garbage that’s raising her half the time. She shouldn’t care about you seeing a woman, but you know she does, so give her time first. I’m going to change it and go with ESH because your ex is a walking garbage fire, but you gave your daughter no notice before you sprung this on her, and that was not good too.” MadamMarshmallows
Another User Comments:
“ESH. This should not have been sprung on your daughter and partner in the manner it was. If you knew previously your husband held those views, which you also seemed to have a subconscious notion he had been sharing them with your daughter, and then to only broach the topic AT the restaurant?
Your daughter’s beliefs have definitely been influenced by her father and will be even more now, especially given what is going to feel like a breach of trust.
However, I feel just as bad for your partner. How did you prepare her? How did she feel about the “surprise?” Did she know you were just revealing her existence then?
There seems to be a lot of conversations and unpacking for those involved, and hurt, that could have been avoided going about this more rationally. I suspect you’re happy with your new partner and wanted to share that happiness as a “surprise” but throwing in the tensions of divorce, a child whose emotions are all over at that age WITHOUT parental influence and manipulation (definitely the father and a little bit on you possibly, you put her in a position expecting her to react a certain way, in public, how awkward, even if her reaction isn’t the one id necessarily hope for either, it’s not HERS per se) Seems like, and I don’t mean to be a jerk, you need to work on your relationship with your daughter 1:1 first, cementing that bond then introduce Jess.
Good luck and I truly hope things work out for you, your daughter, and Jess.
Edit: just reread your last sentence “am I the jerk for not pleasing my daughter?” What? So what exactly are you asking here? I feel my reaction might have been different if focusing on that first. My answer stands firm but I feel that you don’t necessarily understand the spot you put your daughter, and possibly Jess (depending on how complicit she was in details of “surprise”) and it’s not about “pleasing” your daughter as it’s not about “pleasing” you.” nadabethyname
6. AITJ For Refusing To Pay Half For A Fence My Neighbor Replaced Without My Consent?
“I own a house that shares fences with 4 neighbors and has a 5th section that’s onto city land. Previously I have coordinated with my left and right neighbors to replace the fencing with no problem.
We each went half and half for the shared portion which is normal.
The problem is my backside neighbors. A few weeks ago Neighbor B completely took down their fence with no warning. It’s down for a few days from Friday to Monday. They completely replaced their fence and built it back a foot taller.
I don’t care that they replaced the fence, it was older but still in good condition. I was irritated they didn’t give us a warning and my dog could have gotten out. However, it was done and everything was fine.
The problem was the next week Neighbor B rang our door and asked for us to pay half.
Apparently, he and his brother own a renovation/handyman/construction company and they did the labor themselves to keep the price low.
I said no because 1) he didn’t ask us beforehand and I don’t like how it happened 2) I don’t think the fence needed replacing 3) if I was going to spend any money on home improvement it definitely wouldn’t be that fence 4) it seems sketchy because his company did the work.
Neighbor B says ok can I get your contact info to communicate in the future, then he leaves and I think everything is resolved. This week I get an email with a quote once again asking for us to pay “as much as we are able” and “his company can set up payment plans if needed”.
Lack of money isn’t the problem I could pay but I don’t agree the fence should have been redone.
I again told him no and he responded about how he’s sorry we didn’t talk before but he was in a rush because of his wife’s pregnancy and how he thinks it’s only fair we pay half because we still get a nice new fence.
I haven’t responded but my sister says I should pay because I’m able to and I did benefit.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m all for sharing these types of costs but only AFTER it is discussed and agreed upon. They took it upon themselves to replace a fence you didn’t believe needed to be replaced. The costs may be higher due to the extra height of the fence – also needed to be agreed upon.
No – they should have thought of this long before they tore down the old fence. They know where you live – they easily could have contacted you before putting it up. They are just trying to strong-arm you now.” SatelliteBeach123
Another User Comments:
“I think it would largely depend on where the property line lies in relation to the fence.
If it’s on his side, his fence, don’t pay for it. If it’s on your property, then he built a fence on your property without your permission. If it’s exactly on the property line, that’s where things could get tricky. The fact that he did not notify you prior to building the fence, however – NTJ.
You wouldn’t be able to, in the middle of the night, replace your shared fence with one of solid gold, then demand your neighbor pay for half.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“There ARE some jurisdictions where you can replace a fence in disrepair and compel a neighbor to pay for half of it.
This typically requires proof that the fence needed replacement, and notice to the neighbor to the person doing the work. Typically the fence needs to be a replacement, not an improvement as well (meaning, no building it a foot higher)- unless you have permission, again.
Most places will have a permit requirement, and frequently cities will have a permitting process for fences. 1) He did not have your permission or consent for the replacement of the fence. 2) He gave you no notice, or estimate of costs prior to doing the work.
3) He made the fence taller than it was previously, without discussing it with you. This MAY be a violation in your area (this would require consulting a lawyer or City official) it could be that this fence will be ordered to be removed or shortened.
NTJ. You already gave your response. How many times do you have to say no? I would respond by sending the exact same email. That his wife being pregnant somehow prevented him from driving around the block and knocking on your door prior to doing the fence is odd, as it did not prevent him from doing so after the fencing was complete.
I would not allow folks to effectively ‘scam’ me into paying for something they wanted, and I did not. If he threatens you with court, let him know you will see him there. As for your sister – she is wrong, and I would tell her as such.” Internal_Set_6564
5. AITJ For Snapping At A Girl Who Accused Me Of Showing Off My Multilingual Skills?
“I speak 3 languages, Slovak (my native language), English, and Spanish both of which I learned as a teen/adult but I am fluent in.
Currently, I (F, 20) live in the US where I moved for college. I was having a picnic with some of my friends and some people I didn’t really know (friends of a friend kind of situation). I speak English with one of the British accents and I don’t think they realized it wasn’t my native tongue.
Anyway, my mom called me and I excused myself to answer and tell her that I’ll call her back later. She doesn’t speak English so obviously; I spoke in my native tongue. One of the people there (one of those friend-of-a-friend people), Paulina, kept looking at me when I was talking but didn’t say anything.
When we were done with our picnic, we were walking towards our campus and a tourist approached us asking for directions but she didn’t speak English, she spoke Spanish. Some people looked at Paulina but she just shrugged her arms and ignored the person asking for directions.
So I ended up helping and giving the directions.
Paulina wasn’t impressed and told me to stop flexing speaking languages because it’s a pathetic way to show off. Well, I wasn’t trying to flex anything, I was just going about my day so I told Paulina that she wasn’t important enough for me to flex anything in front of her and to get off her high horse.
She got angry and told me I was a jerk and her friend agreed with her.
I was later told that Paulina’s parents are Mexican but she doesn’t speak Spanish and this is probably why she was annoyed with me. And I do feel kind of bad for snapping at her.
AITJ for snapping and telling her she’s not important enough?”
Another User Comments:
“You weren’t flexing at all just trying to help a stranger with directions and talking to your mom. But I think you could have worded it better instead of saying “not important enough” cause that sounds a bit harsh but still think that you are NTJ.
Your “friends” are jealous that you can speak so many languages and it is something that not very many people can do. Why are they ashamed instead of proud lmao. GOOD FOR YOU FOR BEING TRILINGUAL AND BE PROUD!!!” Sea_Chocolate_2681
Another User Comments:
“May I ask?
Is it really that big a thing in America when you know more than one language? I’m genuinely not being snarky here, but I’ve come across quite a bit of posts over time where someone has been insulted (or tried to be shamed) if they were bilingual. I ask because I’m Indian, and… it really is a common thing to speak 3-4 languages fluently here.
Heck, I speak 4 myself, and another 1 which has been WIP for years now. So I wondered. Because it’s second nature around here to know more than one language. And it’s a bit jarring to find out that people might think that it’s a weird kind of flex.
OP is absolutely NTJ, by the way. Not by any measure.” auntie007em
Another User Comments:
“Ohhh, she’s Mexican and can only speak English? NTJ. You don’t have to feel sorry for her, or sorry for the situation. It happens often that people immigrate to America and don’t teach their kids the home language so that they aren’t judged and discriminated against socially and in the school system.
Totally understandable, xenophobia is a heck of a barrier to progress. This goes doubly for our Spanish-speaking next-door neighbors to the south. Because whenever something is wrong in this country bigots and bigoted lawmakers blame Mexico. It could have been Spain, Guatemala, or Peru and they would still blame Mexico and Mexicans.
Anyway, so kids who have these dual cultures kind of fall into limbo. They are both and neither because they lack particular identifying cultural traits.
Paulina probably does not look white, but grew up in this culture and is basically very American. But she might look Chicana to others of the same ethnic background and if she can’t speak Spanish then she can’t really connect there either.
She must be really frustrated when these “flaws” are made obvious, like with the lost tourist. But that doesn’t give her the right to attack you verbally over something she’s insecure about and that you have no control over. Don’t feel bad, or sad, or whatever.
You were right to defend yourself. Paulina just has to work through her own issues, and it’s not your job to do that for her. Y’all are young probably just getting out of college (where standard American English is required for when assignments).
She’ll figure out Duolingo exists eventually.” Reddit User
4. AITJ For Not Wanting To Celebrate My Son's Birthday At My Partner's Father's House?
“Tomorrow is my son’s birthday (6m) and my FIL wants us to go to his house tomorrow to celebrate.
I (28F) usually don’t go to his house because of past issues.
My partner and I have been together for over 11 years and in the past when my partner lived with his dad and stepmom I would go to their house to spend time with my partner.
I was always very respectful of their house and family. But every time I would visit the stepmom would throw a tantrum until I left, literally unprovoked. I would always say hi to her and try to have small talk and she would ignore me.
One night she kept banging on the door screaming for me to leave her house and I was honestly scared to even go through the door. She has said and done a lot. I stopped going to their house to avoid causing issues.
We eventually moved into our own house and things with her have been civil but I can’t help but feel so uncomfortable with her.
I get anxious being around her. When my partner goes to his dad’s with our son I normally stay home to avoid feeling uncomfortable. Her daughters are also very negative towards us and even went as far as saying we shouldn’t have any more kids because they don’t think we are good parents which is far from the truth.
This statement was after I expressed I wanted one more kid. We currently have two kids.
Now we’ve been celebrating my son’s birthday all week since it’s also spring break so we’ve been out and about and today we are celebrating at my parents’ house.
Tomorrow morning I plan to bake him a cake and decorate the house to surprise him when he wakes up. I think my partner is going to his dad’s in the afternoon with our son so they can spend time with him but with all the negativity in that family I just don’t want to go.
I want to add that last year for my son’s bday we went to their house and as soon as we got there my partner’s stepmom got upset with us, didn’t let us know why she was angry, and went upstairs and stayed there the whole time.
This happened within a minute of us arriving and greeting her. Even when we sang Happy Birthday she was upstairs.
So WIBTJ if I decide not to go to their house even if it’s to celebrate my son’s bday with my partner’s family?”
Another User Comments:
“No, NTJ at all! I think from a biological (I don’t know if that’s the right word, I dropped out of college lol) standpoint you’re displaying a learned response from her actions. For 11 years she has been teaching you that her house isn’t a safe place for you.
I think it would be pretty wild if you didn’t hesitate or even refuse to go there. It really sucks that you won’t get to experience that piece of the day with your child, but in no way are you the jerk in this situation.” Substantial-Lake-302
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can’t go. You can’t expose him to that kind of toxicity and let him grow up thinking that’s normal behavior. I think you should also be modeling the idea that spouses should have the other’s back and take a stand in the face of emotional abuse.
That might include the idea that a mother should have to stay home because the father isn’t willing to go to bat for his wife and son’s collective mental health. I don’t know why people continually walk in front of a firing squad then act all surprised when the bullets start flying.” jdogx17
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I don’t understand why you would let your kids go there? My husband wouldn’t take my kids anywhere I was treated disrespectfully. I wouldn’t take them anywhere their dad was treated disrespectfully. I don’t get it? How do you know how your kid starts being treated when you’re not there?
Your husband doesn’t want to play into their negativity…does that apply to your kid as well as you? That could really mess your child up. I’d be a hard no on going, and an even harder no on my child going in your shoes.
If your husband wants a relationship with his dad and stepmother, fine. But neither you nor your children are obliged to.” Significant-Spite-72
3. AITJ For Not Inviting Kids To My Bridal Shower?
“I love kids. I have 3 young sisters & nephews & nieces who I adore. I didn’t want them to feel hurt so I made them all the “flower” children instead of choosing one.
And, all the family children were invited to the wedding.
For my shower, which was the only party I had pre-wedding (we couldn’t afford an engagement party), I wanted it to be 16+. I kind of wanted it to be a mature, sweet party where I could open presents that kids could find boring, and maybe they’d act out.
I wanted parents to enjoy the party instead of worrying about their children. (The kids are less than 10 years old). Every event I go to, the children are always there. Don’t get me wrong, I love that. I play with them all the time. I just wanted this time to be different.
So, I sent the Evites, but I never put on the Evite “adults only” or “16+.” I should have done that, but I didn’t want to sound so harsh. I was going to send a message to the parents before to let them know. But soon, my SIL RSVP’d and she asked “let me know if I can bring my daughter.” I thought, there’s a chance she thinks kids weren’t meant to go?
So I texted her in the nicest way I could, & I said, hey sorry I’m only inviting adults because of the reasons I said above.
Well, she didn’t talk to me for a week, until she called me. Boy was she upset! She was shocked I didn’t invite the “flower girl.” I said she wasn’t the flower girl because all the kids were walking down the aisle together & I didn’t invite them, not even my own sisters.
She was so mad that I texted her & didn’t call her, saying I didn’t understand how it felt because I’m not a parent. Which I understand. I texted her because she emailed me so nonchalantly. She said no one else in her life had not invited her kid to a bridal shower.
I was afraid of offending everyone else who was a parent, but no one else was upset. Later I saw her for a separate event, someone brought up my bridal shower, & she just scoffed & looked away. I honestly didn’t even want to have my shower anymore.
I really was looking forward to it until then.
The bridal shower was fine, & the wedding was beautiful, all the children were there, of course. I have a great relationship with her now. But I’ve never forgotten this. Was I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your event, your final say. I don’t think it’s odd at all to not invite children to a bridal shower even if they happen to be in the wedding party. Heck, adults get bored at bridal showers. I can just imagine how kids would feel watching someone else open gifts for over an hour.” ladygreyowl13
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Only jerks act entitled to bring their children to every event they don’t plan or throw. Bridal showers are for the bride and about her only. I also would not be comfortable. My wedding was “absolutely no children”. My sister has kids.
She loved the vaca for her kids.” whopeedonthefloor
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for not clarifying it on your evite! Additionally, why didn’t your MOH or family throw your bridal shower? Brides usually don’t host their own showers. (I know I’ll get roasted for that here… But it’s the TRUTH) We’re (me, my daughter the MOH & DIL, a bridesmaid) are currently in the process of organizing my older daughter’s wedding shower which the Jr Bridesmaid & flower girl (my granddaughters) are also invited, so I understand your SIL’s position.
It’s done & over with. Good luck to you & your husband.” bkupisch
2. AITJ For Being Embarrassed When My Mom Argued Over An Overcharge At A Store?
“My mom, my sister (14), and I (M16) went to the mall to watch a movie. After it ended we decided to shop for a while and they wanted to enter this women’s clothing store.
Once they had their clothes, we all went to pay. One of the things my sister chose was a $12 blouse. When the cashier scanned it, the price said $60 instead of $12 and the cashier said it was a system mistake. She said that she was going to scan a $6 ring twice so it could charge the right price for the blouse.
The cashier did what she said but when my mother finished paying she saw that she had also been charged the extra $60 because the lady forgot to remove it. The cashier said it was a mistake and I was starting to get embarrassed because my mother asked for the extra funds back.
The cashier said she couldn’t do that and called the manager who said that the store had a no-return policy so they couldn’t pay back unless she created a store account and made a minimal purchase.
Long story short, my mom kept arguing with them until they just opened the cash register and gave her back the funds.
When we were in the car, I told my mother that it was embarrassing and I was ashamed. She got mad at me and my sister is neutral on the situation. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m sorry you were embarrassed, but yes YTJ here, and so are the store employees.
Your mom and sister had every right to demand their funds back, as they were overcharged by $60. The fact that the cashier admitted her mistake but the store still did not want to fix it tells me that they were trying to take advantage of your mother.
I am glad she stood her ground and eventually got her funds back. If she had not, then the store would have successfully stolen $60 from her.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The item wasn’t a “return” she was being overcharged. First $48 due to a supposedly bad bar code, then the full “erroneous” price of the shirt.
And they said they couldn’t give her the funds back unless she bought something else, and then could only give her store credit? I find it highly suspicious, and it’s likely a scam. If they had accidentally charged her for something she didn’t buy (which essentially is what happened here, the only loophole is the bad barcode on the tag) it would be illegal for them to require more funds or a membership to pay her back for THEIR MISTAKE.
Even if there weren’t red flags on what they were doing, your mother asking for funds back that clearly belong to her is never something you should be embarrassed about. If I were your mother, I would have asked the manager to put that policy in writing for her, and gone to the cops, or some sort of investigative journalism show that exposes businesses, etc (in Canada, a sting on something like this would be jumped on by CBC Marketplace).” QueenMotherOfSneezes
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I’ve been a cashier. I would argue with a cashier who overcharged me $60, didn’t fix it despite saying they had, and then tried to stick me with the store’s no-return policy within the same transaction. Crappy customer service & policy execution on the part of both the cashier & manager; your mom had every right to get mad.
If I had been the cashier who made this error, I would’ve been horrified. I’d have called the manager too, but to override the till and sign off on the refund rather than try to finagle the customer even further. The people who were actually an embarrassment here were the cashier & manager.
Your mom wasn’t being a Karen. Karens throw a tantrum over inconsequential/irrelevant stuff and mistreat people. That is not what your mom was doing. She got ripped off. The store stole from her. She was getting her funds back, and she was 100% in the right to demand they fix their error and return the extra funds they took.
Are you making your own income yet? Would you be cool with losing $60 of it due to another person’s error? Doubt it. In my opinion, you owe your mom an apology.” SoleofOrion
1. AITJ For Telling My Teacher To Stop Talking During Our Exam?
“I was having one of my final exams today, it was pretty hard for me and everyone, the exam is 1.5 hours.
So there was this teacher watching over us, at the last 25ish minutes she just kept talking loudly for no reason.
“Everyone make sure you wrote your name/ID correctly.”
“Everyone there is 10 minutes left come on hurry up.”
“It’s the last 10 minutes we won’t give you any extra time hurry up! (while clapping..)”
Then she would ask students randomly how many questions they had left.
“Everyone there are just 10 minutes left, if you are done leave the paper on the desk.” (No I was planning on taking it with me LMAO.)
Needless to say, all of this was stressing me out and we are high school seniors and this isn’t our first exam so we know what we are doing, at the end, I just got annoyed so I just asked her.
Me: Do you want to collect the papers early or something?
Her: no.
Me: Okay, then can you please let me us have those last 10 minutes without stressing us out?
My classmates backed me up at that time and one of them said “Yeah it would honestly be better if you stop talking…”
She didn’t respond and just stayed quiet for the rest of the exam time, not gonna lie it really felt bad so am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People need to learn that some (most?) people need quiet to concentrate. This is why I HATE HATE HATE the current trend of ‘open office plans’.
Maybe that’s great for people who like to talk a lot, but it’s absolutely bad for developers who need to think.” revenantae
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You handled it pretty well. You were under a lot of stress and the teacher was making it worse by hovering and needlessly making you anxious over how much time you had left. It’s pretty common sense to keep your mouth shut during an exam.
You asked her nicely to stop talking and it was enough of an issue that other students agreed with you.” TheKarolinaReaper
Another User Comments:
“YTJ… she has a script that she has to say by laws. By law, she has to remind you you have ten minutes.
By law, she has to say make sure your name is on your paper. You know why because someone is going to complain… I don’t know my time was up. I didn’t realize I am not the only John in the world. It’s her fault because I can’t pace myself.” Early_Equivalent_549
