People Want Us To Be Critics Of Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
21. AITJ For Refusing To Be My Mother-In-Law's Servant?
“I (21) am heavily pregnant with twins and have a 2-year-old son.
My husband (27) insisted that we have his mom move in with us due to her losing her husband (6 months prior) and older age.
I from the get-go was uncomfortable with my mother-in-law moving in because she is extremely nitpicky and always finds something wrong with the way I do things.
I’m from another culture than her and grew up in the West while she is South Asian. I do my best to respect her culture but she always mocks mine and how I grew up.
Ever since she moved in with me she has been ordering me around like I am her slave and since she is my husband’s mother I have been doing my best to please her but no matter what I do I can’t.
She finds some kinda fault with everything I do!!! It has gotten so stressful for me that it ends up leaving me in tears. This one time she asked me to cook a dish from her homeland that I never ate before but she refused to help me prepare it so the night before I spend all night trying to research it, only for her to take one bite and tell me it’s awful and throw her whole plate out.
With cleaning she’s always watching me telling me that I’m not cleaning right and that she doesn’t understand how her son could marry someone who doesn’t even know how to be a wife.
I just feel like she’s really disrespectful and when I try to ask her to treat me better she’ll go run to my husband claiming I was the one being disrespectful to her.
She constantly orders me around asking me to go to the store for her, clean up after her or cook for her only to say I did it horribly.
I’m pregnant and exhausted and can no longer cope with this anymore so I told my mother-in-law that enough is enough and that I’m no longer doing anything for her until she learns to treat me with respect and whether she likes it or not I’m the mother of her grandson and unborn granddaughters which makes me family.
She started insulting me and told me that women out here don’t know how to respect their elders and she’s disgusted her son choose me.
She ended up calling my husband which of course my husband heard her side of the story and sympathized with his mom without even listening to me.
He’s upset and thinks I should be putting more effort into mending the relationship with his mom especially because she is still grieving.
But the thing is I brought this to my husband’s attention enough times and all he did was downplay his mom’s actions and claim that she’s warmed up to me soon enough which she hasn’t.
Am I the jerk for telling my mother-in-law that I’m done doing anything for her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You should firmly tell your husband that he needs to get on board with your plan and not allow his mom to treat the mother of his kids this way.
If he disagrees and continues to ask you to serve his mother then you should stop doing anything for him as well until he gets his mom to leave or tells her to treat you right. You are pregnant and don’t deserve this type of stress.
Culture is irrelevant here. The way she is treating you is inexcusable and you should absolutely refuse to put up with both her actions and your husband’s enabling of her. Right now they are more of a burden to you than a help, and until that changes you should refuse to participate in the system they created.” KillerDiva
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You cannot change her so change yourself. Ghost her. Let her rant and rave and whine. She complains and mistreats you no matter how hard you try, so do nothing. Take care of yourself and your child. MIL can take care of her son.
You are not her maid.
COMPLETELY IGNORE HER.
Keep your phone ready in case she becomes physically violent.
Show her she has to please you, not the other way around. Yes, you are from the West, and don’t care about honoring bullies and nasties.” DuEmmySecret_3180
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s time. Either she goes or you and the kids go. Hubby throws a fit to inform him that not only will you be seeking full custody, but he will never see the kids if she is around, and she will never see the kids again.
Any push back inform him you are tired of being mistreated by her. You are tired of his taking her side when you are the one married to him. He is the one who took vows to forsake all others. You are the one giving birth to his kids.
Let him know you REFUSE to allow this to continue. You refuse to let your children grow up hearing and seeing this. That is normal. You refuse to teach them they can either treat you this way because she does, and he backs her. You refuse to allow them to think it’s ok to be treated this way.
To be abused and just take it because they are family. To be taught they are worthless and deserve to be treated that way.
Because that is what will happen. They learn to treat you that way or they stick up for you, and they end up her target and are taught that it is ok.
Are you willing to let mistreatment continue and to teach your children it is ok?
This, in the end, isn’t about you but is about your children and what you will teach them by this.” tiny-pest
20. AITJ For Telling My Rude Friend To Leave My House?
“I (F18) was diagnosed with stage 3 b***d cancer in October ’22. I just finished 7 months of chemotherapy. I have a friend group that I thought would be there for me.
One specific friend of the friend group seems to be ashamed when she is around me and does not want me to talk about my illness. She will shush me down or give me weird looks when I’m talking about it. I have lost all my hair due to treatment and sometimes I just don’t feel like wearing a wig.
So this one time all my friends and I were hanging out at my house and I decided to take off my wig since it was uncomfortable and itchy. My friend immediately looked at me weirdly but I tried to ignore it. None of my other friends seemed to be bothered by me not wearing my wig.
After some time my friend started making some questionable comments like: ‘I hate when people try so hard to prove that they are sick’ or ‘why would you not wear your wig, we know you are sick you don’t have to show us your bald head’.
I told her that I was not trying to prove that I was sick by taking off my wig, but that the wig was uncomfortable and I felt better not wearing it. I had hoped that she would shut up about it now but she wouldn’t drop it.
After some time I told her to leave my house and asked her to not speak to me again if she had a problem with my literally fighting cancer. She left after an awkward silence. My friends are saying that I was overreacting and that she just doesn’t know how to handle the situation.
I haven’t spoken to her in over two weeks and my friends told me that she is very sad about the whole situation. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It doesn’t matter if it ‘makes her uncomfortable,’ that doesn’t give her a right to make rude comments about your health and decisions about what you do or don’t wear.
She doesn’t sound like a friend. Personally, I think you’re making a good decision by not talking to her. If your friends can’t understand why you’re not talking to her then they really don’t understand all that you’ve been through. I hope you make a full recovery and get the support you deserve.” Commercial_Zone_9103
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your ‘friend’ is one of those people who make every single situation, even your very serious illness, all about them. Stick with your real friends. Don’t give her another thought. It’s up to her to say sorry, mean it, and start supporting you.
If she doesn’t, you’ve lost nothing. To make out you’re showing your bald head to remind people you’re sick is so twisted. That makes me mad, and ditto the people around you saying you’re overreacting. You’re not! I really hope you get well soon, and well done getting thru months of chemo.” herbertsherbert49
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You have been fighting for your life against a serious disease and she’s got her knickers in a knot because somehow you not wearing a wig IN YOUR OWN FREAKING HOME is somehow wrong? With friends like this, heaven save us from enemies.
Please do yourself a favor and leave this shallow, self-centered, unempathetic person out of your life, as well as any flying monkeys who think that you were too hard on the little snowflake. Some people just aren’t worth wasting energy on and she certainly sounds like one of them.
Best of luck in your recovery! Cancer sucks, but you’ve got this!” Dipping_My_Toes
19. AITJ For Calling My Niece Spoiled?
“5 years ago my step-niece (10 at the time) went through something horrible that resulted in her spending around 4 months in the hospital recovering, then when they brought her home she was having breakdowns so bad that they hospitalized her for 3 months so she couldn’t hurt herself or anyone else.
When she finally got home, my sister and her husband really started to work on drilling into her that she was safe at home and with Mom and Dad. They didn’t make her return to school and for the first 2 years, she wasn’t involved in any extracurricular activities.
Most of the time, the only people she talked to were her (step) mom (my sister), her dad, their live-in nanny, her siblings, and the other kids in her group therapy.
Eventually, they realized just how isolated she really was and put her in art and music classes over Zoom and eased her into going and staying without her parents.
Then in March, they decided it was time to enroll her in school. They have her in 2 classes and she’s never at school for longer than 2 hours a day but still, when she started school she shut down. She stopped talking to everyone except her parents, she didn’t want to go to her extracurricular classes, and she started to get bad panic attacks again.
My sister was talking to me about this and I told her they spoiled her for too long. They should’ve put her in in-person school the year after the incident or at the very least, put her in some kind of online school or pod school where her parents could still be close by but she’d be in a school environment and interacting with other kids.
My sister got defensive and said they did what they thought was best for her then hung up on me when I said they were dealing with the consequences of their decision. She hasn’t spoken to me since and I wanted to know if I was the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. First, you’re being completely unsympathetic to your sister and to your niece. Your comments come off as needlessly cruel.
Second, you have absolutely no idea how things would have turned out if your sister had sent your niece to school earlier.
For all that you know, your niece could have gotten worse under the timeline that you suggest.
You’re not a doctor nor a specialist with training in any field related to your niece’s condition. It’s easy to have an opinion. Less easy is keeping that opinion to oneself because you don’t know what you’re talking about.” Individual_Ad_9213
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
She wasn’t spoiled. They were trying to protect a traumatized child the best way they knew how. For almost three of those years, no one did anything normally at all. The school was limited, activities were limited, etc. Your niece had a social circle and is struggling with in-person school and that is okay.
I work in education and most kids are struggling with ‘back to normal’ this year. Because it still isn’t normal. Your niece is in the same boat her peers are but she has trauma and mental health struggles on top of the norm.
Calling her spoiled was a jerk move.” sheramom4
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. This poor child experienced heavy trauma that she’s still recovering from. Her parents aren’t spoiling her! They’re helping her feel safe again and that takes baby steps and work. I take it you’re not a qualified child health professional so exactly what right did you think you had to give your very very wrong opinion.
If anything your sister needs support and love to help her deal with the work she’s putting in with her daughter. She definitely doesn’t need your judgment!” OverAllTheThings
18. AITJ For Not Letting My Daughter Share Her Helmet?
“My (30s F) daughter (5F) and I were at her t-ball game. This is her first time doing t-ball with the softball league and she loves it!
She watched her older brother play baseball for years so she gravitated towards this sport but if she wanted to do anything else, she just needs to tell us. Well, my husband and I were talking when I noticed the coach start to give my daughter’s helmet to another girl.
I got up and said ‘Sorry coach but I don’t let her share hats or drinks’ and he was ok with that and gave the girl the helmet the league provides. Then when it was their team’s turn to bat again, I see my daughter pointing at her pink helmet on another girl’s head and then looking at me and the coach also was looking at me.
I went back over and asked if everything was ok. My daughter said ‘That’s my helmet’ and the coach told the girl to take it off and put the supplied one on. The coach said sorry for not paying attention and I told him that it was not his fault.
I told him I grew up being told never to share hats or drinks. My mom always warned me of little bugs that crawled in hair and were extremely hard to get rid of. I have been terrified ever since. I saw the mom of the girl talking to the coach and giving me the side eye and wondered if I was the jerk in this situation.
Just to add background information. We aren’t rich but are comfortable and we happen to live in an expensive area. The girl’s mom just forgot her daughter’s helmet, this wasn’t a case of not being able to afford one. Even then, I don’t care if someone uses my daughter’s bat but just not hats/drinks, and the coach had an extra helmet but it wasn’t pink and the girl didn’t like it.
When my husband took my daughter to the next game, he said good morning to everyone he passed, and the girl’s mom ignored him and avoided him. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The little girl was given a helmet. There was no need for them to take your daughter’s helmet.
It’s really not hygienic. And then there’s the matter of being rude, taking things from a child. It’s not your fault they forgot to bring their kid’s helmet.” Wonderful-Lie-650
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I also get why that mom was upset. She probably thought you were saying you thought her kid might have lice.
Especially insulting if that family is lower income.
This is just really simple poor communication, though. You don’t need to explain yourself to any coach going forward; it’s a really sensible and simple rule. And you don’t need to apologize to any mom. It’ll die down on its own.
If you’re feeling anxious about it, just be positive about that particular girl’s presence in your daughter’s life. If it sounds natural and is appropriate, drop a casual compliment to that mom on how so and so has been a great influence on your girl in X way, or how much she’s enjoyed being in league with her.
Smooths the rough edges, if any are there.” Classic_Sugar7991
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are entitled to boundaries. This woman and her daughter are not entitled to your belongings just because they like your daughter’s helmet more than the one provided for them.
If she’s that particular about the color of the helmet she shouldn’t have forgotten hers.” zippertile
17. AITJ For Wanting My Partner To Get Up Early?
“I (28M) have been making my partner (24F) get out of bed early in the morning. For context, she moved back into my place (I live in a large house with my parents) about a week ago.
She just finished her Master’s degree in a STEM field and we have both discussed she should relax for a while before she starts job searching so she can work on her mental health (she suffers from depression and possibly C-PTSD), I am pushing for her to do it for about two months.
She does not have to pay any bills, my parents deny her offers of paying for even her own groceries, and I have bought materials for her to explore her hobbies (painting) and keep busy if she so wishes. I work from home so I try to make her stay as pleasant as possible by bringing her breakfast in bed, and trying to provide what she wants within reason (picking up food from specific places for meals, small trips, etc.).
Now for the actual situation. I have no demands of her except for her to be out of bed by at the latest 10 AM. I go to her around 9:30 every morning and remind her to get out of bed, but she always ignores me despite my attempts of getting her out of bed and stays in it until at least 10:30, most of the time passing 11 AM (I would prefer she would get up around 9 AM, that is the goal).
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – having depression is tough, and unfortunately the symptoms of this illness can look a lot like laziness to people on the outside.
If she just finished her master’s, that must have taken a HERCULANEAN effort on her part.
It’s understandable that she feels wiped out and has no energy.
Would you be complaining about her sleep schedule if she had cancer? Because depression is a LEGIT MEDICAL ISSUE.
When my depression gets bad, even hobbies I enjoy (like painting) seem impossible. Please be understanding and supportive, not controlling.
Having a partner with a disability is not for everyone. If you want a relationship with this person, you need to do better.” Teleporting-Cat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… BUT you are going about it in the wrong way. I completely understand what you’re trying to do for your partner and you’re right, she absolutely needs you to be pushing for her to get up because otherwise, depression, etc takes hold, spirals begin, and getting up becomes impossible.
However, there is a big difference between gently pushing her and demanding. By all means nudge her in the right direction, but if she doesn’t want to get up that day don’t berate her, don’t make her feel bad for it, just leave her be and be supportive.” Jamd26
Another User Comments:
“Weird. Honestly, I do think it’s better to have a set time to wake up and go to bed but you are her partner, not her shrink, not a parent, and not her caretaker. It’s not your place to make her get up every day.
She has to want to do that for herself. If you continue to act as her caretaker and not as an equal partner your relationship is doomed.
Good intentions but very bad and controlling execution. YTJ. You mention she needs to focus on her mental health.
If that’s true she should be working with a professional. Playing armchair shrink with your partner isn’t appropriate.” Only_Music_2640
16. AITJ For Not Wanting To Go To My Partner's Brother's Engagement Party?
“I (30F) met my partner (32M) a little over a year ago.
We’ve been together since last February. I met his family early on in the relationship and they at first seemed like nice people.
As time went on, turns out, his mother is the exact opposite of nice. She’s a narcissist. She throws a temper tantrum when she doesn’t get her way, constantly guilt trips my partner when he tries to do something she doesn’t approve of, and uses emotional manipulation to get her way.
My partner constantly tries to create boundaries for himself, which he has a hard time doing before he met me, and his mother constantly ignores them and does what she wants because ‘she’s his mom and no one will tell mom what to do or how to act.’
His mom also dislikes me. When asked why, all she says is that I’m ‘disrespectful’ and ‘have no emotions and never try to be a part of the family.’ However, I always go to family events, engage in conversation when I’m there, speak when spoken to, and just try to take part.
I’m just really shy and a very reserved person. I also have social anxiety, which my partner’s mom doesn’t believe in.
So since my partner’s Mom hates me, so do both of my partner’s brothers. When asked why, they just give the same reason as the mom does.
His older brother, Justin, has told my partner that he does not like me and never will and his younger brother feels the same way. When asked to elaborate on their reasoning, they just say ‘We just don’t like her.’
So Justin’s engagement party is coming up and I don’t want to go.
Clearly, no one in that family likes me and plans to never like me. Why should I go out of my way to be nice to them and go to family events and support Justin’s relationship when he doesn’t support me and my relationship?
I tried being the ‘better person’ for over a year with my partner’s family, but they still hold their grudge.
I told my partner I am not going but he can go without me. He said I’m being unfair to him and that it was just ‘one day’ and that I should go cause it’s his family.
Now he’s mad at me.
So AITJ for saying I’m not going to his brother’s engagement party?”
Another User Comments:
“Tell him you want him to wear a dress the next time you go into town for the day. After all, it’s just one day, and would make you happy.
Even if it makes him uncomfortable, he should be the better person and not whine, snivel, whinge or behave like a baby.
If he does that for you, tell him you’ll be the better person for his hateful family and go to his brother’s party.
If not, tell him to get lost. You’re staying at home and working your way through several bottles of Chateau Pelt and a few tubes of Pringles. I’m sure other dehydrated potato-based snacks are available.
NTJ at all. Get that frock lined up for him.” Funkyzebra1999
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
He’s 30-something and refuses to stand up to his family and set boundaries. Think long and hard about whether or not you want to deal with this for the rest of your life. Think about what it would be like if you two had kids together (if that’s something you want).
His mom would try to take over and he would let her. Not telling you to dump him but this isn’t a problem that’s going to go away as long as you are with him. It’s best to figure out a long-term solution now if you see him being the one you want to be with for the rest of your life.” Silent_Syd241
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is not a MIL problem or BIL problem – it’s a partner problem. Your partner is 32 years old and lets other people walk all over him. He’s not a man. Your partner is 32 years old and lets people disrespect his partner.
He’s not a man. Don’t you want to be with someone who cares about your feelings? Don’t you want to be with someone who values your opinion? If you choose to continue this relationship, the rest of your life on this planet will be spent feeling small, because your partner’s family is determined to reject and belittle you.
Ball’s in your court.” User
15. AITJ For Feeling Objectified By My Fiancé's 15-Year-Old Nephew?
“My fiancé Tim (29) and I (26) have been a couple for 6 years. Tim is an ex-Mormon and because he left the church, he is in no contact with a lot of his family.
Tim reconnected with his brother Zach (35) and his wife Jess (30?) last year.
Zach’s family visited when the two reconciled, and they visited again last week. Last week was my first time meeting Zach’s sons. They are sweet boys, but they clearly struggle with social skills, Tim said this is due to them being homeschooled for so long.
In particular, the oldest son Ian (15) has a staring issue.
I first noticed when Ian was openly looking at my tattoos, but I thought it was harmless. However, this turned into Ian blatantly staring at my chest and body, which made me uncomfortable.
Tim agreed to bring it up to Zach, and the next time that everyone met up was better, but Zach was also actively distracting him.
This was pretty short-lived, as the behavior started again as soon as his father wasn’t watching him.
On the last day of their visit, Ian was staring again, albeit more discreetly. I’m also pretty sure that I saw him take pictures of me on his tablet.
His parents didn’t seem to notice or care. This went on for a while until I spoke up and asked Ian to stop staring at me because it was creeping me out.
He looked embarrassed, and his parents insisted that if he was staring that he didn’t mean anything by it.
I told them that he had been staring at me all week and that it was disrespectful. After realizing I made things awkward, I decided that it was a good idea for me to leave.
Jess confronted me in the parking lot and said that it wasn’t okay for me to publicly humiliate her son.
Jess said that Ian is on the autism spectrum (something Tim did not even know) and that he wasn’t being malicious by staring or not making eye contact… but even so that I was out of line for embarrassing him because ‘he is a young boy.’
I said that whether it was malicious or not, he was staring at me like I was a piece of meat… that I felt objectified. She said that he was probably only staring because he was uncomfortable and that if it was so upsetting that I should’ve dressed more appropriately (the worst thing I wore around them was a midriff tank, which I also wore to work that day).
I told her that I felt like this conversation wasn’t going to go anywhere and asked that she let me leave. She stormed off and called me a jerk. Apparently, she and Zach later told Tim that I’m not allowed around their family until I apologize and learn how to dress.
I get the impression more was said but that Tim doesn’t want to hurt my feelings.
Tim is on my side, but he said that he wishes that I didn’t make a scene and let him handle it. I’ve been fighting the urge to smooth things over for Tim’s sake but I also really don’t think that I did anything wrong here by not wanting a 15-year-old staring at me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The crucial detail here, in my opinion, is that you took the discreet route first. You spoke to Tim, and Tim spoke to Zach… nice little chain of whispers so that the parents could have a talk with Ian without anyone getting embarrassed.
And then you gave them time! You gave the kid a few days to shape up. The parents had plenty of opportunities to observe the behavior, intervene, make corrections, and do their job.
But they didn’t, and from that point on they’re just enabling bad behavior, and you were absolutely right to put your foot down.” Deliquate
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, red flags everywhere, the victim blaming, the outfit policing, the lack of accountability from his parents, that’s all red flags. Maybe y’all are better off going no contact for a while.
They should have talked to their son and watched him after the conversation.
I get that autism could be a reason and the teenager didn’t mean anything by it but the parents should have made sure you were not feeling creeped out after the original conversation with them.
Could you have handled it better? Maybe. But you felt uncomfortable.
And you were in the right to speak out.” Pumpernickelbrot
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Even if there’s something developmentally wrong, staring is rude. They can still teach him and reinforce it. Whether there’s something genetic, chromosomal, or due to being sheltered, or all the above it’s still rude.
Also, them calling you out on your clothes—uh huh. No. That’s completely unreasonable… I cannot, nor will ever condone anyone to call others out on their clothes (unless it’s a flaw in the attire—rip, tear, stain they didn’t notice—you get the point).
I get it, they have different beliefs and ideas, but if they want to even try to raise their kid in the slightest to seemingly fit in today’s society, they’re going to have to figure out another way.” meh87654
14. AITJ For Leaving My Mom's House And Not Celebrating My Birthday With Family?
“So when I was 13, I went to school quite far away from home and we had to pay £11 bus fare about once a week. I sometimes had friendly drivers who wouldn’t stamp my ticket so could use it for longer. The rule was we had to give our mother 48 hours’ notice when our bus ticket was ending.
I told her on Friday that I would need a new bus ticket on Monday and she made a note on the calendar.
On Monday my brother asked for bus money and she gave it to him even though he gave no warning. I had an exam that day and walking would take me almost 2 hrs so I would be late, and I had walked before.
My brother had never been made to walk. So I took the money from her purse. I know I messed up and she had me arrested and I was given a warning. I never stole from her again but still had to walk sometimes.
Fast forward 15 years and on Saturday I turned 28, on Thursday we were planning the party for Sunday, and on Saturday I would go shopping.
She left £40 on the side with the shopping list Thursday night, on Friday morning one of the £20 notes went missing and she also told me that money had been taken from her file. She accused me of taking it and I told her to search for my things.
I didn’t have the £20 note. On Saturday she starts screaming at me about taking her money and name-calling, some were really hurtful, so I packed my things and left. AITJ for leaving and not celebrating my birthday with my family?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
WOW, your mom seems a little unhinged!
You are definitely not the jerk here. She seemingly is so focused on you, so sure that it was you again who took the note that she cannot fathom ANYONE else taking it.
You were fully in your right to leave the house because no matter what you could say or do, she probably would still find a way where you are at fault.
Honestly, the time she had you ARRESTED, even if it was just to scare you or teach you a lesson, was quite unhinged already if you ask me.
I hope the relationship improves eventually and wish you lots of strength in the meantime!” punishedfox13
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I would leave too and I would let her know that on no uncertain terms that her behavior is unacceptable in accusing you of stealing, verbally abusing because she misplaced money and the previous incident was not to be discussed again. Because she was in the wrong then and she is in the wrong now.
What she did when she was missing money was abusive when you came to visit her and she needs to rein herself in or you will need to go low contact to no contact and she needs to apologize. You did nothing wrong on either count.
When you were a kid – she should have one – took care of the bus pass thing herself – and not rely upon a child and then when she messed up and you took bus money – she should not have had you arrested.
Belated Happy Birthday!” Sharp_Equipment5135
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Please, understand that your mother is abusive.
It’s not your fault what happened when you were little.
Even now, that your mother has assumed that you were the one who stole from her, because of that anecdote, and she has insulted you in horrible ways, it is not your fault either.
You did well to pack your things and go. I would tell you to have a good time and then go no contact. And if she tries to communicate with you, she must first apologize for everything she has said to you and even apologize for calling the police when you were little.
I hope you’re in therapy now and doing well.
But please, stop contacting her. She doesn’t sound like a mother.” NeumocortPlus
13. AITJ For Not Lending My Service Dog To My Niece?
“I (22f) have seizures and I have a service dog to help me while I am in public. I live with my partner, so my dog is usually off-duty while I am at home.
I also have a niece (15f) that gets seizures as well. My dog was trained by a professional dog trainer and it cost me $15,000 to get her trained. I saved up for years and my partner helped me as well. Two days ago my sister (40f) asked if my niece could borrow my service dog for her birthday.
She wants to go to the mall with a few of her friends. She is not usually allowed to go places without my sister because of her seizures. I told her that I couldn’t do that.
My dog is trained to respond to me and I don’t know how she’d do with my niece.
I also don’t like the idea of having my dog in public without me and I also need my dog for my own seizures. My sister got mad and said it would only be for a few hours and that I should be willing to help out my family since everyone helped me while I was growing up.
She called my mom and while my mom agrees with me she also doesn’t want to upset my sister so she wants me to let her use my dog for a few hours tomorrow. My partner says I’m in the right but I keep getting calls from family members saying I’m being selfish.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
‘My dog is trained to respond to me and I don’t know how she’d do with my niece.’
Aside from the fact that it’s your service dog that you need and you aren’t required to share them with anyone, as you yourself said, your service dog is trained to recognize your seizures.
She may not even be effective at helping your niece, and the last thing you want is for your niece to find this out while having a seizure. Sounds like the prudent option is to not allow her to use your service dog.” TheCodonbyte
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
From my understanding service dogs are extensively trained to work with a specific person. Especially seizure alert dogs.
Yes, they are a medical device but they are a personalized medical device.
Your service dog is trained to respond to your medical condition and more importantly, you are trained to respond to the cues your service dog gives you.
Letting your niece ‘borrow’ a medical device that is not customized for her, that she is not trained to respond to is a complete recipe for disaster.” A-typ-self
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is your service dog. The dog that you paid $15,000 for. Your sis & other family members are entitled jerks who obviously don’t care about you.
These family members need to chip in & help sis/niece get their own service dog.
I don’t know much about service dogs, but aren’t they trained exclusively for a specific person? And wouldn’t loaning out your service dog negate her bond with you, requiring retraining?
Because if both my questions are correct, that would be the statement I would be giving out. You shelled out a lot of funds for your service dog. Why should you have to shell out more when the dog has to go through training again?” Straysmom
12. AITJ For Kicking Someone Out Of An Open House?
“My (57) wife (53) and I are selling our house. With all but one kid moved out (on his way, just saving up for a down payment) and stable, we decided it was time to downsize and put the extra funds towards our retirements. Yesterday we had an open house.
I ran it since my wife had some time-sensitive errands she had to get done and was gone most of the day.
When I was younger you’d actually dress nicely for something like this, but since most people were in jeans and t-shirts, I let it go.
However, there was one woman who stood out to me as the day went on. She was in her late 20s, maybe early 30s, with bright hair, a tank top, shorts, flip flops, and, most importantly, a giant dog. A strange dog, in my house!
It was well-behaved, granted, but still.
It all seemed very rude, and when I saw she was unaccompanied by a realtor, I figured she wasn’t a serious viewer. I approached her and asked her to leave. She said something, I don’t remember what, but I was firm in asking for her to leave my house since I only wanted serious viewers.
She just shrugged and left.
Later, when my wife got home, she asked if a particular person had stopped by. I didn’t recognize the name, and to my surprise, my wife described the person I asked to leave. When I told her as such, she became very angry with me – apparently, she’s someone in my wife’s company (different departments), and they became friends through the company book club and their love of sci-fi novels.
She’s apparently looking to sell her old house and upgrade to something bigger, and my wife was hoping to sell to her to avoid some of the extra costs selling to someone else might involve so we could have more profits from the sale, as well as the fact she was offering cash.
The dog was her medical alert service dog (though in my opinion, it should have been wearing a vest in that case).
I maintain that if she had been better dressed, this wouldn’t have happened. This is a very large 5 bed, 4 bath house and she looked like she had rolled out of bed. My wife, however, has been trying to do ‘damage control’ all day and says I should host a dinner to apologize.
Am I in the wrong here?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. First, people don’t get dressed up to go to open houses. They wear the same street clothes they would wear to run errands. Second, lots of people show up to open houses without agents.
They may be prepared to buy without an agent (just as you seemingly are selling without an agent), or they may be previewing the house without their agent and planning to have the agent see it if they like it.
Either way, you were incredibly rude and may have just cost yourself a good offer on your house.
But bigger picture, it’s a valuable lesson in not being rude to people just because you think you can get away with it because sometimes that will come back to bite you.” morgaine125
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I understand feeling a little uncomfortable with the times changing and people showing up in different attire from what you’re used to, but to ask a potential buyer to leave isn’t a good look.
If anything, it’s quite discriminatory and you’ll lose out on good opportunities. If you were uncomfortable with the dog, you could have simply had a conversation with her and asked her about it rather than asking her to leave completely. I hope you’re able to host a good dinner to apologize for your biases and preconceived notions based entirely on her appearance alone.” Geek_Everything
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The phrase ‘Don’t judge a book by its cover’ comes to mind.
You judged very quickly and approached your concerns about this person in a very inappropriate and abrasive way. Who cares what the potential buyer looks like… it’s an open house not a fancy restaurant with a dress code.
I think striking up a conversation with her to get more information to put your concerns into perspective would have been a much more professional approach. Especially when an open house could lead to a business transaction.
I will say though, I would have mentioned it to my significant other if I knew a coworker was going to drop in.
I would not blame your wife for feeling embarrassed and because there is a personal relationship there, I do think it’s worth some sort of effort to apologize.” HeartUpstairs
11. AITJ For Being Angry At My Mother For Posting About My Childhood Trauma?
“Today, I finally spoke my mind to my biological mother.
For a long time now she has been trying to get back into my life, and I have always just not been ready. I am a foster kid and have been raised by one family after going through the ‘inverse Russian roulette’ that is the childcare system for my country.
As I was growing up, my Mother grew increasingly obsessed with me. At points, she would message me on social media with the names of some of my friends and ask how they are… despite me never mentioning them to her. Not great. She would constantly fall out of contact, then come back like nothing happened which caused a lot of mistrust on top of that.
Because I had changed my number, she also tried getting it from me by intimidation, threatening to show up at the University I go to, saying that if I just gave her it, she wouldn’t have to go there to see me. At this point, I just didn’t want to see her until I was ready, and ambushing me isn’t the way to go.
Despite all that, she still tries to be there for important milestones, even if she has always failed to do so. Usually sending a message on social media congratulating the occasion.
For my 21st birthday, she messaged me and after some conversation, I finally asked the reason why I was put into care to begin with.
It isn’t the greatest backstory and the knowledge was upsetting. It took me some time to process this, and by the time I did, she had blocked me on social media after demanding that I call her number. Given her history of stalking me with the most minute amount of information, that wasn’t going to happen.
After waiting a few days to call her on social media, I gave up and went about my life.
However, during that time, she went to her social media page and posted the backstory, taking out the parts that make her look bad as well.
She had posted this on my birthday, and by the time I discovered it, some months had passed.
Obviously, this had really upset me, and when she unblocked me and messaged me again today to ask for forgiveness for unrelated actions, I snapped. Below is some of the message I sent her.
‘For my birthday you gave me 200 dollars and an ultimatum, and when you didn’t get the answer you wanted you blocked me on social media. That is fine, I can respect that. What I don’t respect is this: (a photo of her telling all her friends on her social media page what happened to me).
I am not even going to try and explain how messed up that is and how badly you betrayed my trust.’
In my mother’s defense, she has bipolar with depression, but that doesn’t excuse what she did to me in my opinion. She also has tried to justify her actions by saying ‘I never needed therapy’ in past conversations, which adds salt to the wound a bit.
AITJ for lashing out at my biological mother because she posted my childhood trauma to her social media page?”
Another User Comments:
“Honestly, no NTJ. She sounds super toxic. She wants to reconnect, but entirely on her own terms and to her own tune. She’ll be all sweet and kind, but the moment you aren’t completely forthcoming she cusses you out, blocks you, and then plays victim to her friends.
You can’t trust that kind of person to provide you the space to emotionally find peace with their presence in your life.
Literally, the only thing your mother has going for her in this situation is that she’s your bio mom, which means almost nothing in the grand scheme.
If she has bipolar and depression, but refuses therapy or support, and dismisses your trauma, then she should be regarded as little different from an addict who steals from her family. That might seem harsh, but I do say that as someone who is on the spectrum and who has loved ones with bipolar disorder.” MundanePlanet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I am so sorry that you are dealing with this.
Mental health is a rough problem to deal with for your biological mother. But it’s a REASON, not an EXCUSE for trashy behavior.
You have the right to have boundaries, you have the right to feel safe, and you have the right to live your life without being harassed, stalked, blackmailed, or living in fear.
Your mother probably needs help. But currently, it does not sound like she is doing anything to help herself. It is impossible to help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves. She is justifying her bad behavior, lack of boundaries, attention seeking, drama seeking, and nonsense by minimizing what you went through, invalidating your feelings, and not taking responsibility.
Once she is getting the help she needs AND is taking responsibility, it might be a nice thing to help support her… IF and only if that does not make you uncomfortable, it does not harm you, or place you in harm, invalidates your boundaries, and if you WANT to do it.
She may have given birth to you, even raised you a little, but no child OWES their parent anything.
Kids don’t get put in a foster system for just minor stuff. The foster system itself can be trauma-inducing too. You remember that you are a tough cookie.
You are brave and strong, resourceful and resilient, and you are amazing for going through all that and going to university, and I know you are going to do greater things yet!” SenkasLight
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Here’s something to think about: What do you get that is positive from having your bio-mother in your life?
There is literally nothing positive about her in this whole post, just a list of her failures and betrayals.
I know the foster system is hard. I know the feeling of looking for that family connection, the feeling of taking whatever you can get. The cycle of connection, disappointment, separation, minimization, and reconnection.
But you don’t seem like you’re getting anything out of your relationship with her but heartbreak. Surely not having her is better than this?
She will never change. She will never get better. Not so long as there are no real consequences to her actions.
When you are in no contact with her she is stalking and harassing you, emotionally blackmailing/extorting you. That is possibly a symptom of her diagnosis but absolutely no excuse. If you go no contact and remain that way you could probably build a legal case against her, and force her to leave you alone.
But you would need to be strong.
No matter what you decide, I’m proud of you. You recognize her behavior is wrong and you do the best you can to stand up for yourself. Nobody can ask for more than that.” Natural_Garbage7674
10. AITJ For Wanting My Partner To Learn How To Cook More Meals?
“My (28M) partner (29M) only ever cooks fries, scrambled eggs, and pancakes.
And cause we exchange who cooks each night, it became really redundant to have the same meals from him literally every single time. I don’t want to be the only one to cook to have more variation cause I think it’d be unfair and so I asked him if he could maybe learn to cook more than these 3 meals.
However my partner got weirdly defensive and said I can always just eat takeout if I’m unsatisfied with his cooking, but I don’t want to eat junk food weekly just cause he’s too stubborn to get out of his comfort zone.
AITJ? Should I insist on the issue or just give up and order takeout instead?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And honestly, none of those are MEALS exactly. This feels like weaponized incompetence. Now, if he truly doesn’t want to learn to cook more things but is willing to PAY for you to order out on his nights to provide dinner (provided you don’t share finances), that’s fine.
But if he won’t learn to make anything else and expect you to buy your own takeout if you don’t like it, then he’s basically just trying to get you to give up and stop making him do his fair share. Don’t let it work.” No_Rope_8115
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like he’s a bit self-conscious about the fact that he doesn’t know how to cook, would not be surprised if he was never taught how to because ‘the men don’t cook’ in his family and he learned those 3 recipes in college to live off of.
Not really sure what the best solution is if he just refuses to learn how to cook anything else though. Could be any number of issues from him just being embarrassed all the way to him just being straight-up misogynistic and refusing to learn to cook because ‘it’s your job’.
I would recommend figuring out what the problem is though because that’ll definitely impact your relationship in the future.” KingdomKey10
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If he’s responsible for food that day, then if food is takeout, it’s his bill to pay, otherwise he didn’t take responsibility for dinner… This really isn’t about cooking skills though.
As you two dabble in caring for each other, he has expressed no empathy. He doesn’t appear to care for your nutrition, enjoyment, or wallet… he’s just doing what he personally wants for himself. This seems telling for his attitude about the relationship in general and really seems like something you’ll need to sort out.
I would add the caveat that if you just said ‘Could you cook more than 3 meals?!’ while you were frustrated which is what it sounds like you said that that could definitely make a person defensive. And when your approach makes somebody defensive, it can definitely lead them to stick to some stupid stances.
He may be more willing than you think if you take an approach that’s less about highlighting his incompetence. Maybe once a week pick a new recipe and learn to cook it together. That way he can learn more cooking skills but it’s more of a ‘let’s have an adventure’ vibe than a ‘you suck, get better’ vibe.
Or if he’s really lost in the kitchen then maybe you’re the cook every day but he does all the dishes every night.” CreativeGPX
9. AITJ For Having Long Legs And Not Letting The Person In Front Of Me Recline Her Seat?
“I (25M) am around 6’5 or 196 cm, but my legs are long.
Normally I purchase economy plane seats because I have no issue being uncomfortable for a while, especially for shorter flights. I should mention that I take care to never intrude on other people’s space around me, although occasionally with another tall person with wide shoulders, it can be tight.
Last week, I was on a 4-hour international flight with my knees crammed into the seat in front of me. The passenger directly in front of me tried to recline but realized that my knees were preventing her from doing so. She turned around, gave me a dirty look, and attempted to recline again with more force.
I was a little annoyed but apologized and told her I could not move my legs out of the way without encroaching on the spaces beside me (i.e., moving my legs to the side into other people’s spaces, freeing up space for her). She accused me of doing this on purpose just because I wanted more room for myself, calling me a jerk and saying that if I could not fit into a normal economy plane seat I should pay extra for an emergency exit seat so that people around me can have more free space.
If I’m honest, I feel that people who recline their seats in economy are annoying and inconsiderate, so I didn’t exactly bend over backward to accommodate her.
For more context, I did not check to see if this flight in particular had extra emergency exit seats.
Like I said, usually I do not feel the need. I do not often run into issues with seats beside me, although this issue with people in front of me not being able to recline has occurred before, though not always, and has earned me some dirty looks from those in front of me in the past.
So, am I the jerk? Should I pay extra for seats with more legroom so that people in front of me can recline even though this is not always a problem?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If your size makes it so that other people who have paid for their seat are not able to use it fully, and you had ANY other options, then you’re a jerk.
Whether or not we all agree that she SHOULD be reclining her seat, we all know that she has a RIGHT to recline her seat, but your lack of consideration prevented her from being able to do so. I’ve also traveled with people your height, and never seen this problem before, so it strikes me that you likely could have easily sat up in your seat and let the chair recline just fine if you wanted to.
So even if she’s a jerk for wanting to recline (which I don’t even think she is), you’re a jerk for not allowing her to.” Blood_sweat_and_beer
Another User Comments:
“I don’t know, I think if someone needs to recline their seat, if they can’t have enough decency to respect the fact that everyone around them is squished, they should be the one to spend extra & upgrade their seat.
Everyone in economy is in the same situation, and often, the seats with a tiny bit more space are the first ones gone. I can’t even imagine the audacity of expecting the person behind you to be uncomfortable (not being able to use their tray, having to put their legs in an awkward position, etc) just so you can recline your seat 2 extra inches.
Everyone paid for their seat and is entitled to the space they paid for. That includes the tray in front of you & the wee bit of space you get for your knees. I would be willing to bet that lady gets mad when the person in front of her reclines all the way.
NTJ.” AndieWags12
Another User Comments:
“You’re totally a jerk. She paid for her ticket and should be able to recline without copping a string of crap from someone too cheap to buy an appropriate seat for himself. If you’re so tall, buy the extended legroom seats that are available.
It’s totally unreasonable of you to expect someone else to suffer because you want to save a few bucks and then still have the audacity to think that you are not in the wrong! I tell you it’s things like this that make me wonder about the youth of today, the sense of entitlement and self-righteousness is getting out of hand.” Plus-Tour6214
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. The woman shouldn’t have lowered herself to name-calling. You, because you admit you don’t like people who recline their seats and sound a little proud that you made no effort to accommodate her. I’ve been in the position of having the person in front of me recline their seat and then having the person behind me pull a face when I have to recline my seat to have a tiny bit of room.
But the real ‘villain’ here is the airlines who have systematically reduced the size of the seats in an effort to increase profits. Given the fact that the ‘reclining seat wars’ are becoming so common the airlines either need to include something about passengers having a right to recline their seat in the preflight lecture OR fix the seats so that they simply can’t recline.” celticmusebooks
8. AITJ For Thinking My Dad Is Making An Excuse Not To Pay The Mortgage?
“When I was 14 (now 24), my dad sold the business, and our house, and relocated us from a big city to a random small town. He sent our mom a pic of a bigger house than the one he bought while she was out of the country grieving her father’s loss and told her it was all paid for upfront (no mortgage).
She let him sign on her behalf. They started investing in a business in the homeland so he convinced her to ‘retire’ for a few years on our savings until the business picks up.
My dad had secretly married another woman during his business trips to Africa and had 3 children over the years.
Also turns out, our house that he said was paid for ‘in cash’ was under a mortgage and my mom only found out years later. The previous business was sold for 1.5 mil, our house for just under 700k, and the new house was worth about 255k, so you do the math.
We found out that he was always a womanizer in Canada too, & would flaunt his mistresses and money in front of people, and would talk badly about my mother behind her back our whole lives. Now he got money and spent all those years blowing it on women in Africa, ran that new business to the ground, and married another woman after impregnating her.
He stole my elder sister’s tuition fund my mom saved for her (over 50k) and tried to take mine too.
I’m still in shock today as to how little we actually knew him because of all the horrific stories we hear about how he treated people, and how he treats us now of course.
I feel like the money and status he got while married to my mom (the first business was hers before they married) got to his head and he made a series of bad, selfish decisions that are biting not only us but him in the butt too.
He did all that just to be broke in two countries and have 8 kids and two wives that he can’t provide for.
Btw, he fully renovated our old house before selling it but then bought a dirty old house in a random town with less space for our big family of 7, with no intention of living with us.
My mom trusted him and he deceived her, and still ruins our lives today.
A week ago he sent an email saying he is out of the country because his sister is in a coma and won’t be able to pay the mortgage for 2 months.
I was feeling bad until I found out that he recently took an extra loan of 150k to take his new wife traveling. Now the total amount owing for the mortgage is more than the original price of the house. He even sent divorce papers and said he will let us keep this house in Canada if my mom convinces her cousin to give back for FREE the house in Africa HE sold to her in the first place.
I thought he is using the story of his sister to guilt trip and pressure us into trading houses and not paying the mortgage. I made a comment along the lines of ‘What about it’. I truly didn’t mean that I didn’t care about her illness, more about his grief because I hate him.
My mom got mad at me for saying it regardless, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom apparently was raised with a certain cultural mindset that allowed her husband to treat her and their children badly while she just is patient and long-suffering in enduring his shenanigans.
You are more realistic and less forgiving. Hopefully, your cousin will tell your father to pound sand but dear old dad will use it as an excuse to keep defrauding and financially abusing your mom. Best wishes on escaping that man’s clutches before he figures out some way to use you as a financial asset.” NanaLeonie
Another User Comments:
“I don’t want to victim blame but… your mom let her husband sell HER $ 1.5 million business, and didn’t follow up on what he was doing with the money? How negligent and naïve is she?
At this point, she is abusing you as much as your dad.
She needs to divorce him (after filing bigamy charges), dump as much debt and bad property on him as possible, and never contact him again. If she won’t, you need to get to realize neither of them can be relied on and get as far away as possible.
You and your siblings need to make sure your dad isn’t committing identity theft with your information because I doubt he’d be able to get loans and credit in his name anymore, and that’s the next logical step.
NTJ.” millac7
Another User Comments:
“‘Now the total amount owing for the mortgage is more than the original price of the house.’
This sounds an awful lot like he committed fraud against a bank. He might not be coming back if there’s a chance of being prosecuted. At what point is your mom going to accept your dad is a swindler and it’s better to divorce and start afresh than letting him load her up with more and more debt?
She should dispute the debt with the bank, let go of the house and move back to the city where the earning opportunities are better. People generally think of physical abuse when talking about abusive relationships, but there are also other types of abuse. This one is called financial abuse.
NTJ.” Aedronn
7. AITJ For Not Saying "Please" All The Time?
“My roommate/friend and I (both f23) moved in together in August of 2022, our lease ends in August 2023.
This is one of the main (although small) reasons that I’m considering not renewing our lease. One of many, at least.
Throughout the week, not even every day, I ask my roommate, Jessica, to do something small for me. It’s nothing big or significant, it’s always small things.
Some examples are: ‘Can you grab my bag off the table for me?’ ‘Can you load the dishwasher?’ ‘Can you turn off the outside light?’ ‘Can you grab me a fork?’ ‘Oh, can you grab me a cup also?’
And I’m always told, ‘Only if you say please.’ I listened to it for a few months before I finally spoke up and told her that I didn’t feel like I needed to say please for every single thing because I felt like it was implied and the things that I was asking her to do were always small things that I don’t think are significant or necessarily warrant me saying ‘please’.
Her response was that ‘please’ cannot be implied (I disagree because of the tone of voice) and that I need to say it every single time. I finally told her that if what I was asking her to do as a favor was so out of line for me to ask that I needed to say please and she wouldn’t do it under any other circumstances, I’d literally just do it myself.
I’ll ask for small things that I could just do myself, but she may be closer or already doing something similar or it may be that I’m asking her to do something because it’s her mess – but she still demands to say please.
I’ve tried to tell her that if these things are really so crazy for me to ask that she refuses to do them without a formal ‘please’ then it seems like she views our friendship too conditionally.
I don’t need people to say please, I’ll do things for them without them asking or without them saying please because I care about them and want to help them.
I’ll do things for her without saying please, but she doesn’t view it the same. The constant ‘say please’ seems like something a parent would do to teach their child manners. I’m an adult, I don’t need to be taught manners. I’m a very polite person, I’m kind, and I say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ in situations where it makes sense to say it (at work, when engaging in more formal conversation or with elders, or when talking to kids, etc.) but typically not when I’m having a casual conversation with a friend.
Am I the jerk for refusing to say ‘please’ every time?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, tone of voice is way more important than any magic word. Saying please with an attitude behind it can come off as extremely rude when just asking with a polite tone without saying please, but not in a demanding way should be fine with people you’re comfortable with.
If it’s a small enough favor, I don’t think please is needed 100% of the time. However, I do think a ‘thank you’ after they do a small favor is a nice touch, but just saying ‘awesome’ or ‘you’re the best’ is basically the same to me.
I would argue that an implied ‘please’ is 100% a real thing. I can think of a few phrases that qualify. ‘Hey, do you think you could…’ ‘I would love it if you…’ ‘If it’s not too much trouble…’ Those are all the same as please to me, provided you’re asking politely.
The subtext is very important in these situations, I once had a guy almost fight me because I told him to have a good night. (He and his wife had been rude the whole night, and they got into an argument with each other right before leaving the bar, and he was clearly not going to have a good night.
I also knew exactly how he would take it, not my proudest moment).” Aaron4282
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Some people were raised in homes where the expectation was that you always had to ask nicely AKA say ‘please’ as part of any request. Others were raised in homes where no one ever said ‘please.’
That difference is fine. No one would be a jerk for simply behaving naturally. And that sounds like how things started for you and your roommate. But things have devolved from there to where you are intentionally being jerks to one another.
‘Only if you say please’ is a jerk thing to routinely say to an adult.
Your roommate should either let it slide and do what you’re asking or simply say, ‘No.’
But now you’re at the stage where it’s not that saying please doesn’t occur to you. Instead, you actively refuse to say it at least sometimes.
Both of you are intentionally being jerks toward one another.” throw05282021
Another User Comments:
“Your roommate sounds like they’ve never lived with anyone from a different background than them. If they spend their whole life fighting tiny battles like this, they’ll just make themselves miserable.
NTJ, I often don’t say ‘please’ for tiny requests like that, but I say ‘thank you’ after, and I don’t think this is impolite.
Also ‘only if you say please’ is condescending.
Here’s how boundaries work: if your roommate doesn’t like you not saying please, they can’t force you to, but they can stop doing the things you ask. More importantly, if you don’t want to compromise, you can stop asking them things and just move out when the opportunity arises.
At this point, since you’ve talked with them about it and gotten nowhere, you might as well just do that.” KeenBlueBean
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here at worst.
You two operate differently. She wants please and thank you, you mostly operate with thank you, and I do think you should continue to make the effort to say please since you are asking her to do something.
But the ‘only if you say please’ is just weird and passive-aggressive. As you said, you’re both adults and she shouldn’t be treating you like a child in regards to it. I understand that different upbringings would sway people but generally, it’s much ruder to request a please from an adult than a lack thereof, in my opinion.
You guys just don’t seem to connect with your causal social cues, which as you said no biggie especially since you’re moving.” RoastBeefIsGood
6. AITJ For Telling My Sister "I Told You So"?
“When my sister was pregnant with her oldest she told Grandpa if the baby was a boy, she would name her son Arnold after him.
Grandpa told her not to saddle her son with an old man’s name and told her to go find something nicer, even if it wasn’t an honor for him because in 78 years he never loved his name and he’d hate to be blamed for another generation being saddled with it.
She was upset. He died before her son was born and she chose to name her son Arnold anyway, saying Grandpa was just old and sick and didn’t realize how lovely his name is.
Now her son is 17 and will be 18 soon and he despises his first name.
It became an even bigger deal to him when he learned the man he was named after also hated his name (another one of our siblings told him when he was complaining about his mom’s complaints about him hating his name). He was like why did you name me after someone who hated their own name.
My sister tried to lie and say he never hated his name. But my nephew knew the truth already. He told her he had a grandpa’s name and he hated it, that the name was ugly and not something he wanted to live with for the rest of his life and as soon as he is 18 he will be filing to change his name to the nickname he has used his whole life (not actually his whole life but he was like 4 when he got his nickname).
My sister was crying to me about it. I comforted her. She told me she needed to find a way to change his mind or he’d regret it forever when he realizes being Sky as an adult man will not get him very far and he will see that it’s not a real name or something a grown man should need to use on everything.
I told her she can’t change how he feels about it though. She told me she doesn’t get his hatred for the name. I told her grandpa did warn her, that he would be in his 90s now and he lived almost 80 years hating the name and thinking of it as an old man’s name.
She told me that wasn’t fair and saying I told you so is petty.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s probably not what she wanted to hear, but probably what she needed to hear. Sometimes we don’t learn the lessons. Grandpa had lived with the name for decades, if anyone had an insight into whether it was a good name or not it would be him.
But especially when he told her he didn’t like it.
Your sister is also a jerk for not supporting her kid and lying to get her way. Let him make the choice about his identity. I named my daughter and whilst I am happy with it, the main thing is I hope when she’s older she also likes it.
And if she doesn’t, whatever she does choose will get my support. Even if it does make me a little sad, that’s my problem.” South_Front_4589
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ just because ‘I told you so’ is petty and is just salt in the wound.
The reality is we only get to choose our children’s birth names, but they get to choose the name they want for adulthood. A lot of people change their names for many reasons, and it can be hard and sad for the parents who put a lot of thought and meaning into the name they chose for their child.
Acknowledging her sadness and reminding her that he’s an adult now who can make his own decisions and that this is part of letting him become his own person would have been the kinder, more supportive approach. My child changed her name from the beautiful, meaningful name I gave her to an ugly old man’s name.
And honestly, I had to grieve a little, but it really helped me when someone reframed it like this for me.” NotSoAccomplishedEmu
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She was warned by a person with this name, but she ignored it and now her son has the same attitude to his name as his great-grandfather.
Your sister does have a point about changing it to Sky though, it doesn’t exactly look very professional on a business card and is really as bad as Arnold but for a different reason.
Maybe suggest a compromise, that he finds a name that is close to Sky but doesn’t look like his parents were trying to give him a ‘unique’ name?
That way it would be natural for people who don’t know him well to call him Sky but he’d never have to wonder if he didn’t get a job or got worse service because people are bigoted against such names.” Thaeeri
5. AITJ For Training My Dogs To Chew On My Partner's Socks?
“My (26M) partner (30M) and I have been together for four years. Whenever I would come over, his apartment was messy but it was blamed on his roommates.
I’m very cognizant that I am particular about cleaning, so I thought it just wasn’t clean enough to my standards. I moved in with him ~3 years ago and adopted two dogs together.
I quickly realized we do not have the same view of what ‘clean’ is.
We have communicated about it and he has made a lot of progress. But, he consistently does one thing: stuffs his colored striped socks into the couch. I have told him that I have had to chase the dogs around because they find them on the couch.
He thought it was funny.
Over the last few weeks, I have bought multiple cloth dog toys resembling his socks and have trained my dogs to play tug of war with them. They will now dive for them whenever he’s laying on the couch and places them on the ground to ‘pick up later.’ I also do not stop them from playing with the socks anymore.
He came home yesterday and found his favorite pair of his socks decimated all over the living room and was furious that I didn’t stop them. I told him they were the socks he stuffed in the couch yesterday and he should have put them in the hamper.
He stormed off to his office and is not talking to me. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’ve lived with him for THREE years, so this is not something new or surprising to you at this point. Instead of either dealing with this head-on like the adult you claim to be or deciding that his ‘messiness’ is a deal breaker, you went down the most passive-aggressive way I’ve ever heard of.
Clearly, you have too much time on your hands, time you could have used to have an adult conversation or find a new man. Grow up.” GeneralPhilosophy691
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
The correct answer to the situation was to let your partner continue stuffing his socks in the couch.
Don’t touch anything and let him clean it himself. Eventually, he will be so disgusted or at the very least run out of socks and have no choice but to clean.
Alternatively, just throw them out into the dumpster on his behalf whenever you find them.
Just don’t clean it for him. Toss them out.
Although your solution was creative, you get an ‘everyone sucks here’ from me because that could have been a choking hazard for your dogs. Or if the dogs didn’t choke, they could have had fabric pieces obstructing their bowels.
You would be putting your dogs’ lives at risk and paying very large vet bills for surgery.
You need to ask yourself this. Is it worth it to potentially put your dogs through surgery over your partner’s socks? If your answer is yes, then you need to reassess your priorities.” MortalSmile8631
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
I mean, not a huge jerk, but definitely the jerk. If the dogs had decided to attack the socks on their own that’s one thing, but if the dogs had otherwise not been destructive to these socks, and you intervened to ensure they would be destructive to the socks, I don’t see a significant difference between this and you taking scissors to his favorite socks because you didn’t like where he left them.
Leaving socks around is annoying, sure, but why is it so important that he has to be taught a lesson instead of you compromising and picking your battles? It’s not unsanitary or dangerous, it’s just something you don’t like. You say he’s changed a lot to accommodate your standards and definitions of cleanliness, but when he doesn’t agree with you on one of those standards, you destroy his stuff?
I don’t know anything else about you, but that doesn’t sound like a great relationship dynamic to me.” dicho_v2
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. You taught your dogs to destroy his stuff because you were feeling petty. You need to grow up just as much as he does.
Get therapy together and be functional grownups. You’re going to regret teaching that to the dogs when they start destroying anything they find around the house. Say goodbye to your clothes next.” CrazyRomAuthor
4. AITJ For Wanting To Use My Own Driveway?
“I (25m) work as an Automotive/Diesel mechanic and have done so for five years. When it comes to living arrangements, I own a house adjacent to my parents’ place which I bought using inheritance funds from my grandparents four years ago.
Since the day I moved in, one of the things I have been doing is allowing my parents and sister to use my driveway. That however changed this month when I got really lucky at work. It started when a man brought in his 2022 Ford F450 with 2,000 KM on it for service.
What had happened was that his son and friends had taken it off-roading only to hydro-lock it. Aside from engine damage the truck also needed a new wiring harness. The total bill for this was going to be 12,000$ with insurance refusing to cover it.
This is where things get really weird as rather than pay for the repairs he decided to scrap the car.
When he said this I offered to buy it off of him as I had been wanting a new car/truck. The offer I made to him was that I would pay 33,000$ for it due to the damage. Rather than accept my offer he countered it and said that I could have it for 10,000$.
Despite my best efforts to give him its honest value I wound up buying it for his price. Three days ago after having spent three weeks working on it I was able to complete the repairs and bring it home. Since I couldn’t do it alone I enlisted the help of my parents who helped bring my old car to the scrap yard.
When that was all set and done we all realized that the truck is too big for my garage. As such I had no choice but to keep it in the driveway which results in 90% of its space being taken up by it.
This led to my parents asking about my sister who has been using my driveway as parking for two years due to her driving anxiety.
My response while harsh was that she needs to deal with her anxiety and park with them or give up driving. They both agreed with me and said they would have ‘the talk’ with her for me. When she got home later that day, things went down.
Long story short, she tried everything to get me to reconsider the purchase to which I told her to******* up and stop complaining. She didn’t like this and since our confrontation, she has been giving me the cold shoulder and being passive-aggressive.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re asking if you’re a jerk for wanting to use your own driveway?
No, you’re not a jerk.
While I understand driving anxiety, that is your sister’s issue to deal with. You were kind about it for two years, but now she needs to address whatever is causing her anxiety and be logical about this.
There is nothing wrong with you using your driveway. It’s not fair of her to be putting her issues on you.
But, this is what you get when you live next door to family, the good and the bad.” Wild_Personality8897
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You aren’t a jerk for owning the truck, just a jerk on how you responded to your sister. Unless that language is normal for how you and your sister communicate, it is definitely harsher sounding than it needs to be. Your parents and sister need to figure out their own answer as it is in your own right to use your driveway how you please.
If she can’t remedy the issue, maybe your parent’s driveway is the next best thing for her.” Springloll
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but don’t be overly mean to her in response. She’s being asked to find a new solution to her needs and is upset about it.
You’re entitled to use your own driveway and the fact your parents are willing to help talk to her shows you’re not wrong to want to park your vehicle in your new driveway.” GetOffMyBridgeQ
3. AITJ For Arguing With My Ex-Husband About Where Our Daughter's Party Will Be?
“My ex-husband and I are planning our daughter’s 3rd birthday. Due to the lack of venues available, we decided to have it at a park close to the house. It will be a simple party. Music, a bouncy house, cake, and friends. That is all.
The problem is there’s the open park, and then across the street, there is a playground where kids normally play on the weekend. I wanted to have the party at the park because 1) it has outlets that are capable of handling the bouncy house 2) it is a large enough space where we won’t encroach on anyone else’s space, and 3) we won’t have to spend the extra funds on a generator for the bouncy house.
My ex-husband has been picking and tugging at me to swap the party for across the street because of the risk of a 3-year-old trying to cross the street to go to the playground. I’ve told him that’s an asinine reasoning because the location is on the far inside part of the park about a football field away from the road and if the parents let their child get that far away from them that’s not our responsibility.
He’s tossed everything out there to me trying to get me to change my mind and I’ve held firm so far but I’m honestly just so weary and tired of it.
Finally, I told him either we have the party at the playground, or we have the bounce house.
We’re not having both. He called me a jerk for not thinking of the safety of the children. I told him ‘I am thinking about their safety. The location of the party will be far away enough from the road that if they do manage to get to it then Darwinism will naturally take place.
And their parents should’ve minded them a little better.’ I got called a jerk again for that statement.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you don’t want uninvited people turning up for the party if you host it at a playground. Doubt if you are able to lock the playground for just the invitees if it’s a communal one.
Also with a bouncy house and 3-year-olds, it’s better to keep them separate from the rest of the kids who may want to visit the playground, making your choice a lot better than the playground as it may have older kids and might interfere with the party.
It might be worth asking your husband why his choice is so important and why he keeps demanding that it is done on the other side. Also with 3-year-olds, doubt if any will walk all the way by themselves to the other side without their parents noticing.” SPolowiski
Another User Comments:
“His concerns in general are valid but his reasoning isn’t as strong if what you’re saying is a football field away from the road. Parents are responsible anyways but kids are like ninjas so I also get it. He’s just trying to be safe and spending a little more for a generator is worth it compared to the chance of a kid getting hit by a car to get to the playground.
Is there really no other choice or are you just putting your foot down because that’s what you want when you both can be happy with addressing the concerns?
I think there’s room to compromise. Slightly, YTJ.” PurpleUbePancakes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I venture to guess that he may be resentful that you have planned a super fun party?
His reasoning is totally unfounded, if there is a park across the street from a playground, are you never supposed to have anything that’s remotely appealing to children in the park? I’m sure you’re not the only person that has ever had a kids’ party at the park.
Maybe you should be mad at people for putting a playground across the street from a park! Lol! What if kids playing in the park are tempted by playground equipment? He’s being totally unreasonable and I expect that there are reasons that run deeper than some imagined danger.” GothGirl64
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. I’m guessing your toddler isn’t a runner. Both of mine were, and I absolutely would have skipped any party that wasn’t enclosed at that age, but that’s my own experience with two particularly speedy explorers.
In any case, you both have valid points, and I think your husband is right that there’s a decent chance of some kids beelining it to the playground, but if anyone chooses to partake in the party, they’re signing up to manage that.
To be clear, so are you. If you host a party, you are at least somewhat responsible for generally doing your best sure that people there don’t actually die by avoidable actions. You’d better be ready to run after any kid if her mom is distracted cleaning smooshed cake off her skirt or chitchatting with a friend.” Illustrious-Shirt569
2. AITJ For Blaming My Sister For Having A Daughter With The Same Name As My Fiancée's Dog?
“My sister, after years of trying to have children, got pregnant with my niece.
When she told us the name, I explained in the best way that the name she chose was very common for animals, even more simplified as she wanted, normally this is a nickname.
An example with an American name: She wanted to call her daughter Bella, just Bella, and in my country, Bella would be extremely common for a pet.
She said I was anticipating the worst and wouldn’t change her mind, I gave up, but she was warned.
Recently, my fiancée was asking for a dog and I decided to adopt one. My fiancée always wanted to have a dog called Bella (a tribute to her childhood dog) and I even commented about it being the same name as my niece (2F), but she said that she always wanted to name one of her pets that even before my sister got pregnant.
Since she owns it, I didn’t want to contest.
We currently don’t live together, but we constantly stay at each other’s houses and Bella comes with her all the time.
This weekend was my son’s birthday and there was a party at the house, so all my siblings, parents, in-laws, and my fiancée came with Bella.
No one in my family had met her yet (not even a week after we adopted her) and we introduced her. My sister became quiet, my brothers made a joke with the same names.
The mood softened after a while, but when I was alone with my sister, she started saying that I was petty in choosing the same name as my niece for my dog and caused her unnecessary discomfort since I could choose any other name.
I explained by saying that it wasn’t me who chose it, but my bride, right after that the reason for that name.
She even said that we could have chosen another name out of respect for her and her niece.
I ran out of patience and ended up saying in a harsh way (she was already yelling at me and I hate being shouted in my ear) that if she didn’t want to go through that kind of discomfort, she shouldn’t have used one of the most common names for a pet and that there’s going to be a dog by that name on every corner, she knew it and she named her daughter that anyway, so she made her bed.
She left early and we are not on good terms, my parents are begging us to change the name. But it’s not my dog and my fiancee won’t budge, saying that she always said that Bella will be the name of her first pet to everyone.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and so is your partner. Complete jerk move. It would be a different situation had your partner already had a dog with that name before you met (living with them) but to do it afterward is a jerk move. You owe your sister a massive apology and should talk to your partner.
If your partner won’t change the name then I guess you know they will never take others’ feelings into consideration and you deserve each other.” illyriiaseekinghelp
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Your sister sucks because you don’t own a name. You warned your sister about the name and she chose to ignore it.
Your fiancée sucks because again you don’t own a name but she could have been more considerate in naming the dog. She could have chosen any other name or even a variation of that name but she didn’t. You didn’t seem to fight that hard AND when your sister confronted you, you blamed your fiancée and were hands off.
So while you didn’t throw her under the bus, you tripped her up under that bus. So yeah EVERYBODY sucks.” saywgo
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Pets and people share names all the time, but usually, it happens because of a coincidence, not because someone knowingly names their pet the same name as their future niece.
Your sister has every right to be annoyed, not that a random person named their dog the same name, but that her future SIL did it.
Your fiancée sucks for naming her dog the same name as your niece, you suck for refusing to take responsibility for your part in the issue.
I get that you can’t control her, but there should have been a much firmer ‘no’ stance and discussion from you.” photosbeersandteach
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here
Naming your dog after a close family member is pretty uncool, regardless of the name and that you’d pointed it out to her before.
Granted it wasn’t your decision and although your fiancée has a reason behind their decision to choose the name, to me changing a dog’s name is not a huge deal and if you put a little effort into it you could probably convince your fiancée.
I’d say this is on your fiancée more than anyone, but it’s a mess all around.” Tdluxon
1. AITJ For Suggesting To My Partner To Get A Better Job?
“I work 9-hour days in childcare, and my partner works 2.5 hours for Doordash. Our rent got raised to $915 in January and he said he can’t pay more than $400 so I have to pay $515 a month.
We got the notice in November before it was time to renew our lease, and he told me about the $400 thing and I freaked out because I didn’t want him to leave me and not live together, and because the lease was up in a week, I just agreed.
I’ve noticed I’ve been doing everything lately. He asked me to clean the kitchen all by myself and he’s home all day except for 2.5 hours. I started to get annoyed and thought I should set a boundary after this happened with laundry and other things, and civilly brought up to him last night that I didn’t think it was fair to not pay half of the rent, and he told me that he can’t afford more than that because he doesn’t make enough to pay more.
He also said it’s because I make more, but I only work in childcare… I don’t even make more than 33k a year.
So I brought up to him working more hours, he said Doordash gives him crappy orders after 2.5 hours. So I suggested getting a job that will pay better AND give more hours, and he did not like that.
We ended up getting to the point where I said you have 45 days to either figure out a way to make enough on Doordash to pay equal rent or to get a job that will allow you to do it, or be kicked out.
It’s the next day and now he won’t talk to me.
He doesn’t want anything to do with me. Was I being unreasonable in setting that boundary or is he just reacting badly?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m really proud of you for standing up for yourself. You have given him a very reasonable deadline.
It’s up to him whether or not he’s motivated to meet it. I don’t have high hopes for him. His attitude towards house chores is concerning. He’s home most of the day and still tells you to clean. That is not acceptable. Please don’t back down on your boundaries.
He needs to learn to respect you.” squirrelsareevil2479
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
He cannot just go visit job city and get a better job where jobs are falling from the sky. Merely asking him may give him a lot of unneeded stress, because it’s likely he won’t be able to even achieve that.
Times are tough. And if it’s possible to help more in maintaining your finances, you should do it and not complain.” mexur
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but will be that jerk if you stay with him. How many red flags do you need? They are basically waving and hitting you in the face.
Send that little boy back to his parents. Put an ad up and get yourself a roommate or take some time to regroup and go live with family.
You’re carrying all the dead weight. Get rid of him and you’ll be light as a feather.
My youngest daughter is going to school full-time and works more than him at her part-time job.” u-patrcat
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here: Your partner is kinda obviously lazy.
But take some responsibility. He told you he can only afford a certain amount and you agreed. Only to wait till you sign the lease and back out of the deal and make an ultimatum.
You had your chance before signing the lease.
This could easily backfire on you where you end up paying 100% of this apartment on your own.” User
