People Get Awkward Recounting These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
25. AITJ For Telling My Friend He's Wrong For Excluding Our Female Friend Because Of His Partner's Jealousy?
“I (23m) have been friends with the same group of people all my life. There are five of us, and we met in elementary school and have been extremely close ever since.
One of these friends is a girl we’ll call Melanie. Melanie is the only girl in the group, however that’s never really been a big deal. None of us have ever seen her as different, and so we grew up with her going to sleepovers with us and doing all the same stuff we did with each other.
Well, recently our friend, who we’ll call Dan, got a significant other. I didn’t originally have a problem with her, until last week. My friends and I had made plans to go over to one of our houses to hang out, but when we got there, the other two noticed very quickly Melanie wasn’t there.
I ended up mentioning this to Dan, and he said he told her she shouldn’t come. I was confused since Dan and Melanie were just as close as the rest of us.
He explained that his significant other didn’t like Melanie because she only had male friends, and that was a sign of a loose woman.
(Melanie is the farthest thing from a “loose woman”)
He said that since his significant other didn’t like her and didn’t want them to be friends, he had stopped talking to Melanie.
I was upset by this and told him that it was kind of messed up to just ditch one of his best friends of 17 years because of someone he met 3 months ago.
He got defensive and said his significant other was just jealous that Melanie and him were close, but I told him that there was nothing different about our friendship with Melanie than our friendship with each other.
We argued like this for a little until I gave up on trying to make him realize that he was being a jerk, and just left. The next day I woke up to a ton of texts and calls from him, and even some from his significant other.
The texts were sort of rude, with his significant other’s being much nastier. Just them telling me I’m jealous of their relationship, and that I’m trying to break them up.
I just don’t understand what made him go from not caring Melanie was a girl, to suddenly only seeing her as a girl and not one of his best friends.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Honestly, Dan does not get to decide when Melanie hangs out with the friend *group*. If he doesn’t want to hang out with her alone anymore, ok I guess, but if he can’t even see her in a group, then *Dan* can stay home.
He’s being a jerk, and his significant other is worse. I’d imagine Melanie is like a sister to all of you.” Wombat_Sprinkle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What do the other two think about this? If you’re such good friends I hope they back you up on this.
What the heck? Did the significant other even meet Melanie? Also, have you talked to Melanie? Please let her know that you think this is ridiculous.” Personal-Ad6765
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But he also can choose who he sees and not and if you didn’t know then the key to intimacy costs a lot to desperate men and your friend is desperate if he lets his significant other make such decisions for him.
In any case – you all could just ditch Dan and have a good time with the old group minus Dan, there is no way his new significant other will ease her tentacles any time soon so just let them enjoy their company, and when she leaves him you will be the ones who decide to take him back or not.” forgeris
24. AITJ For Having Drinks In My House While Hosting Friends?
“I (28F) and my husband (29M) had some friends come from out of town and stay with us for a few days. My husband and I occasionally drink booze but not very often.
Well, our friends came over and stayed for about 3-4 days, and revealed some information to us about booze causing relationship issues and some other things. We were respectful enough to not order booze if we ate out and we were careful to not mention booze around them as we know it can be triggering.
Our friends flew home after a couple of days and we thought that everything was fine. I noticed that the one friend that usually speaks to me at least on an everyday basis was not responding to messages. I thought this was strange but let it go.
After about 3 weeks of not talking I received a message from this friend about how they will no longer be speaking to us and she didn’t specify why. It was a very vague message and to be quite honest it had me going through the entirety of their stay wondering what happened. These are friends that we have experienced a lot with and ending a long friendship so abruptly seemed weird.
I let it go and sent the friend a message two weeks later to ask if we could discuss this issue, as it bothered both of us quite a bit. The friend refused to speak about it with me. So, we figured that it was just over and we’d go our separate ways.
A week later, I received a series of messages explaining how upset and appalled they were with us for having booze in our house after the recent issues it had caused. For reference, we have a bottle of beer in the very back of the fridge and a liquor bottle in the freezer.
During the visit, late a night one night the husband in the relationship drank half of the liquor and the entire beer. We didn’t notice due to not consuming booze often enough. This caused a fight between the two of them and subsequently caused them to blame us for making it available.
I understand that this can cause issues having it available, but for us to drink so infrequently it was an afterthought. I understand heavy drinking is a serious thing, but should it be completely our fault if he chose to drink it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, addictions are tough, and living with someone who suffers from addictions is even harder. But, unfortunately, their issues are theirs to deal with and they can’t expect everyone around them to bend to their will, and they can’t expect anyone to take part in their sobriety journey.
At the end of the day, your friend’s husband went into your fridge and took things without asking or telling anyone. He made a conscious choice to do so, and now they’re both choosing to fully blame you for their actions. What the husband did is considered theft.” crocodilezebramilk
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, from my understanding they didn’t tell you about the booze issue until after they arrived. How were you to know to remove all booze from your home if they hadn’t told you? Even if they had told you in advance, their issues with booze are theirs.
You’re under no obligation to remove all booze from the premises just because they’ll also be there. That’s not your responsibility.” conswithcarlosd
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, given the order of events there’s zero blame on you. You were made aware of the booze problem after they were already at your house, and no one asked you to remove it You seem like the type of person who if you knew there was a booze issue would’ve put it away, or gotten rid of it before they came.” LunaticBZ
23. AITJ For Confronting My SIL About Not Paying My Daughter For Babysitting?
“Let it be known all families have drama. The craziness between my sister-in-law and I has been insane over the years and is part of the reason my 39m spouse and I 41f don’t live closer.
Our kids are 13f and 10f. The next cousins are 5m4m3m1f. Oldest has always commented about feeling like she is stuck babysitting. Because they are left outside with the kids when the adults want to hang out inside. Over numerous home visits, my sister-in-law offers 13f an opportunity to be a mommy’s helper.
Which helps while she works from home. We agreed to a few of $20 a day. So she wouldn’t feel taken advantage of. Not too
Much money but enough for the demands. Found out later our 13f spent a week with my sister-in-law. They did some nights of playing games and helped break her out of her shell.
She had a horrible 7th-grade year and needed to build back up that relationship with her aunt as well. During the week I get pictures and updates about how great 13f is waking up at 545 to help with pee pee with 4m. Every day for the week.
I’m like wow kid that’s going above and beyond you are awesome. Come out at the end of the trip to connect with kids. Talk to my sister-in-law about 13f and how well she did. 13f said she never got paid. She got paid for one random day earlier in the trip then Auntie told her she didn’t need her anymore.
Then what was the other stuff.
She woke up 5 days in a row at 545 to take 4m to the bathroom and entertain until my sister-in-law woke up later. I call her and question “Hey, what’s going on?” Her response was. I just don’t think she needs to get paid to spend time with her cousins.
Why can’t she just spend time with them like they are normal? And be friends. I responded with the difference of being able to say no when she is done. And that not being the case in this situation then reminded her it was her idea.
She responded with I don’t like you like to throw my words are me then talk nonsense to your 39m spouse. Who is her brother? Shaking my head.
So to wrap this up quickly I said this has nothing to do with you or I.
It has to do with the fact that you lied to my kid and that is going to affect her feelings and relationship with you. I’m out. I’m blocked on my phone and all social media platforms. AITJ.”
Another User Comments:
“Your husband (her brother) needs to speak with his sister about using his daughter for services and reneging on the agreement that SHE made.
She owes her money and she knows it. I’d let your husband take care of it – and if she doesn’t pay her the money she is owed, it will be on her when the relationship deteriorates. She’s an adult and should set a better example about following through with things, respecting people, and fostering good family relations.
NTJ” DLCMotroni
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She needs to flip this around. If she was promised pay for work, did the work, then didn’t get paid, how would she feel? Most kids wouldn’t go to the extent she did for ‘just spending time with her cousin’.
The above and beyond and the fact that she’s doing it no matter how she feels makes it not ‘spending time’. It makes it a job. My sister-in-law needs to get her act together and follow through. Sounds more like an excuse for not having the money than a legitimate reason/belief.
Husband needs to have words with her if there’s ANY hope for that relationship to continue, and come away with the funds your daughter was owed.” MythArchangel
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, give the money to your daughter as she deserves it and ask my sister-in-law for payback.
And until then, no more babysitting. And next time, the daughter gets paid in advance if she still wants to do it. But really, it’s your husband who needs to take a grip on this.” Available-Election86
22. AITJ For Asking My Mom About Her Stay Duration At My Place?
“I have been with my wife for 6 years now, I hadn’t seen my mom for the same amount of years.
My brother and my sister both have their places now, my sister lives in a two-bedroom house with her husband(but one of the bedrooms is small and located away from the main house), and my brother lives alone in a one-bedroom apartment, and I live with my wife in an apartment with 2 spacious bedrooms.
About two months ago my mom finally came to visit us and naturally, she stayed with me and my wife, the thing is that my wife asked me how long my mom was going to stay I told her is probably going to be a while but not permanent.
Before coming my mom says that she wanted to spend time with each of us and if it was possible to spend some of the time that she’ll be here staying with each of her children.
With my mom’s trip already planned, my wife had to come back for an emergency to our home country (her mom was sick and unfortunately passed away) so my mom got here and stayed with me in the apartment for us.
A month passed and I asked my mom how long she was planning to stay with us (my wife was worried about my mom staying with us indefinitely, she stayed over with her mom for a while and now the moment to come back home was approaching), my mom reacted badly feeling that I was kicking her out, I intended to know what were her plans.
I tell this to my sister that my wife needed to know how long my mom was going to stay and also reacted badly saying that if I was asking it was because my mom was bothering me.
Now both my mom and sister despise me and my wife because we are not willing to let her stay indefinitely.
My mom has her own house and she has been having a hard time with my dad, she wants to stay as long as possible apart from him. But she still calls him every day.
The thing is that now my mom and my sister hate me and my wife because we asked how long she was going to stay…and I’m wondering if I am a bad son for not wanting her to live with me and my wife for an extended period AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom can’t just invite herself to live with you and you can’t even decide that by yourself. Your wife made it very clear she doesn’t want your mom to move in. If your mom wants a break/break up from her husband, she needs to find her place.
It’s not like she wants to take 1-2 weeks apart… also her reaction is bad. I mean she can certainly ask but she has to communicate it and accept a no. She can’t just decide without asking and then be mad if you say no.” Illustrious-Tap5791
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – A perfectly reasonable request. She stated she was coming for a visit, a visit is defined as a set period, usually not to exceed at most a few months. She also said it wasn’t permanent. Tell her that simply you said it was a visit so when is the visit going to be concluded in her mind?
Her and your sister’s reactions say all you need to know, is that Mom wanted to worm her way into living with you and your wife since indefinitely means permanent. And then if she refuses to give a date, give her a date to end the visit.
And stick to it as you never agreed to her living there indefinitely.” Mustng1966
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom and sister don’t hate you – they just want what they want and don’t care how they get it. Your mom wants to stay in your home indefinitely which is NOT okay and your sister is just annoyed because she wants mom to stay but doesn’t have to house her.
Tell sis that she needs to get a bigger place and then mom is more than welcome to stay with her.” SatelliteBeach123
Explain you understand she is having some relationship issues but that she cannot stay with you past X date as you have plans for that space (whatever you need to do such ss convert it to an office or maybe you are planning to start a family or something) so that you have a specific reason for needing that room so she cannot occupy it any longer. Don't know where you live nutbin some areas if sge stays a certain krngth of tine dge is considered a resident, tenant, whatever and you have to legally evict her to get her to leave. Tell sis to butt out because she doesn't have a say in this issue unless she wants mom to move in with her.
21. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For My Niece And Nephew's Plane Tickets?
“I (24m) will be going on a family vacation in July to meet other family members. I paid $1600 for my ticket and now my older brother and his wife are asking me to pay for one of their kids’ plane tickets.
Before they came to me, my older brother asked our parents first but he owes them 8k. Our mom gave him the choice to pay her back the 8k which she will then use to pay for the grandkids’ plane tickets. Well, my brother didn’t like that choice so they came to me.
We live in Hawaii so rent and cost of living are really high. My brother owns a house and lives there with his wife and kids and I live with our parents. I work at a hotel on the other side of the island and the commute is about 82 miles one way.
I pay $45 to refill gas every other day while my brother works for the county and only drives 8.5 miles. He served in the U.S. military and has a lot of stocks worth over 10k altogether while my sister-in-law takes care of the kids and occasionally babysits for extra income, which she then gives to my brother.
Knowing this fact I still give him a couple hundred dollars to pay for bills because I feel bad and he’s my brother, although he’s the oldest and I’m the youngest. He does eventually pay me back.
Just today I received a text from my nephew “Uncle, can you pay for my ticket please I really wanna go, we asked grandma and grandpa but they said daddy still owes them money.
I really wanna go the ticket is $1600”. I told him to tell his dad to wait for tax returns or to sell some of his stocks. He says ok but then proceeds to ask me to pay for my niece’s plane ticket. While messaging me, they tried to guilt me into paying by saying they always cry because they wanna go but don’t have enough money.
Now I was irritated so I replied: “How about I see you guys there and I’ll give you and your sister a lot of spending money”.
Now I feel bad because I don’t want my niece and nephew to feel left out and not loved by me, their uncle.
Also, I just bought my nephew a new gaming monitor and his sister a big play-doll house set for Christmas.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and shame on your brother for using his children to try to guilt trip you into paying for their plane tickets.
Be an uncle to your niece and nephew, but stop enabling your brother and giving him money. It sounds like he has money, he just doesn’t want to spend it and would rather borrow it from family members. Good on your parents for telling him no. Now you need to follow suit.
Edited to add: I’m using the word “borrow” loosely, as you mentioned an $8000 loan to your parents that he has failed to repay. I don’t know how someone can own a home (in very expensive Hawaii, no less) and have other assets and not make it a top priority to repay a loan to their parents who are sharing an apartment with their other child.” Ajstross
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s not willing to alter their lifestyle to accommodate things they want to do. People who don’t have money (which isn’t them) can’t afford vacations, unfortunately. If you don’t want to sell stocks or alter your day-to-day, you can’t expect someone to pay for your luxuries.
He’s already asked the parents who made a reasonable offer and he said no. So really, he is the one ensuring his kids don’t go. This isn’t on you. Even if you were a billionaire, you’re not obligated to help them.” archetyping101
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. You say that you provide help to your brother’s family each month. Now they want thousands for a vacation. Being a good uncle means being there and caring about them, it doesn’t mean subsidizing your brother’s family vacations. Don’t let your brother overuse your sense of responsibility.
There will always be another vacation and it sounds like your niece and nephew will need money for actual necessities one day.” MasterCafecat
20. AITJ For Regifting My Christmas Present To My Grandma?
“So, my grandma left for a couple of weeks (maybe a month) and her bedroom was vacant.
Two weeks ago, my grandpa had to stay with us because my aunt was going on a cruise and she didn’t bother to ask him so he chose to stay. I moved to my grandma’s room and took a lot of my stuff with me, more importantly, a power strip that my mother had gifted me and my siblings for Christmas.
I wasn’t planning on taking it, but the power strip in my grandma’s room was unreachable from the bed (unless you turned it upside down) and that power strip was occupied. I decided to take the gifted power strip and it made my stay more comfortable.
My grandma came back and my grandpa left the same day, so I moved my stuff back to my room. Now, I already have a power strip with nine plugs and the one my mom gifted to me had four plus some USB ports. My grandma came to me and asked if she could keep that one and I, thinking of how 1.
She’d be able to charge her phone on her bedside table instead of having to reach behind it or look for another outlet. 2. I already had a functional power strip.
When my grandma was going back to her room, announcing that I let her keep the power strip, both my mom and my sister tried to convince me to keep it (kinda like if they were selling it to me), but I told them that I already have one and that I have no use for the other stuff it has.
Another thing that could have made me a jerk is that, when my mom and sister were telling my grandma that it was a Christmas gift for ME, I yelled “It was gifted to me, ergo it is mine, ergo I can gift it to someone else”.
A couple of minutes later, I walked into my mother’s room and the second she saw me she said “No, I am mad at you” and that’s what made me think “Wait, am I in the wrong here?”
I know it was a gift for me, but my grandma needed it more so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Grandma needed something and you provided it to help her out. It doesn’t matter how you got it as you were being kind and thoughtful.” Maurakutney
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- it was thoughtful of you to let her have it, especially since she asked. It’s not like you pawned it off on her or something.
I’m not sure why your mom is so upset unless it was some sort of power struggle between her and your grandmother?” OrphicLibrarian
19. AITJ For Suggesting Alternatives To My Sister's Pregnancy Due To Past Complications?
“My (39M) sister (44F) got remarried about a year ago. Since then, she and my new BIL have been actively trying to get pregnant.
When she told our family this last June, I was beyond worried. The reasoning for this is that when my sister gave birth to my sweet niece 15 years ago, she had major complications during the birthing process. She was quite literally hanging by a thread and barely made it out alive.
She was 29 at the time.
I spoke to my sister privately after she revealed this information to us, to express my concern. I tried explaining that I was happy for her, but there is a huge part of me who is extremely worried about the complications she may face during the pregnancy and birth if she and BIL were able to conceive.
I suggested that she may look into alternative options, like adoption or surrogacy, because she and BIL live a very comfortable lifestyle and they would be able to afford these things. She and the baby would also be much safer if she considered surrogacy, or she could give adoption a try and provide a child with a loving home.
My sister got extremely upset when she heard this because she said she wanted her own “flesh and b***d” and that neither of the alternatives I suggested would give her that, surrogacy included.
To make matters worse, my sister recently found out from her doctor that she will not be able to conceive due to certain reasons.
My sister now says that I manifested this by hoping that she wouldn’t be able to get pregnant and that the stress I have caused her may very well be one of the reasons she can no longer have a child.
I have tried calling, texting, and reaching out through social media as well for a week now so we can talk this out, but my sister and BIL have completely cut me off and blocked me everywhere.
I went over to her house two days ago and even though they were home, they completely ignored me while I stood outside their home for 20 minutes.
I don’t know what my sister told my other siblings and parents, but I’ve gotten calls from pretty much everyone these past few days, and almost everyone says I am a grade-A jerk for doing this to my sister.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You expressed concern and offered alternatives. That’s natural for a sibling or other loved one. Of course, she’s free to take that or leave it since it’s ultimately her choice. It’s quite absurd for her to blame you for her being unable to conceive because you “manifested” it.
It’s much more likely to be a combination of her age and other, pre-existing reproductive complications. She also shouldn’t be turning the rest of the family against you for expressing concern for her life one time.” CrimsonKnight_004
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. You were completely out of bounds.
At the same time, you didn’t curse your sister with your lack of faith. If people became infertile when someone told them not to have kids, the world would have far fewer bad parents.” NaturalForty
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Maybe your approach was a bit intense – offering alternatives just assuming that they hadn’t discussed them already, or also assuming that your sister doesn’t know her own body and has considered any risk.
So yeah, depending on your approach, maybe it could have been better. But NTJ at you for expressing your concerns. As for manifesting her inability to conceive- that’s nonsense, and she believes this only because she’s going through something awful and is trying to make sense of it.
Give them time and space to work it out. The rest of your family shouldn’t feed into this scapegoating response, and try to find a reasonable family member to explain your side to if you can – not defend your point and double down, just to explain what happened, because I bet the version your sister tells has some added spice to it.
But yeah. You didn’t deserve this but try to bite your tongue and back off. This isn’t about you.” oddity-on-holiday
18. AITJ For Being Upset My Best Friend Didn't Personally Tell Me About Her Engagement?
“My (42F) best friend (Jane, 42F) got engaged on New Year’s Day; this is her first engagement, and she’s never been married. She and her fiancée, Joe (40something M), have been living together for about 5 years. Info-he does not like me. I didn’t do anything deliberately to cause this, but I met him during a difficult time and we disagreed about health precautions.
I’ve tried to let bygones be bygones, but his dislike for me remains. I’m sure there must be more to it but I genuinely don’t know.
I found out about the engagement in a convoluted way. We’ve been friends for 20+ years & both have adult children.
One of Jane’s daughters posted about the engagement on Snapchat, where one of my daughters saw it. My daughter sent me a text asking, “Is Aunt Jane engaged??” I was extremely surprised, but before I could respond, my daughter told me how she learned about it.
I ran over to a social media platform and there it was; Jane had posted about Joe asking her to marry him on January 1. By the time I learned about her engagement, it was January 4. She texted me on January 5, with save-the-date info. I responded, “Yeah, I saw your social media post; congrats” & she responded, “Wow thanks”.
This is where I think I’m the jerk. I was crushed that Jane didn’t tell me personally, and I told her so. I told her that I would be happy for her if she was happy but that it hurt my feelings to find out at the same time as 1000 other people.
I told her that I was sorry for being selfish and making this about my hurt feelings when this was her time to shine. That was January 6; she still hasn’t spoken to me.
I’m devastated by all of this. I keep thinking, that if I had just had the right reaction then I wouldn’t be here right now.
My immediate family doesn’t think I was wrong in my response, and I’ve asked one coworker & another casual friend who also think my response was valid; however, I think they’re pretty obviously biased.
I’m pretty sure this is the end of our friendship; I don’t think Jane will ever speak to me again.
So was I wrong for telling her about my hurt feelings instead of just being excited for her and showering her with blessings?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m torn on my vote. I feel like your response was understandable; she hurt your feelings, you made one passive-aggressive comment, owned it, immediately expressed your real feelings, and even acknowledged it was a bit selfish – sounds pretty mature actually.
I think it’s a bizarre hill for her to die on. There’s either a ton more history that reveals you suck on the regular, she’s extremely hard to please/drama-oriented, or she was looking for an excuse to cut ties. With the given info and assuming your handling of this situation is fairly representative of your typical behavior, I’m going with NTJ.” Living-Highlight7777
Another User Comments:
“Sorry but YTJ and you already said why. Your friend was basking in the glow of one of the biggest moments of her life and you soured it by making it about you and your hurt feelings. There would have been many, more appropriate times for you to talk to her about this and you chose the moment she was looking to you to be unconditionally happy for her.
That’s going to be hard to come back from.” Existing_Fox_6317
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She has chosen him over you. It will hurt, but you will get over it in time. I can empathize as I lost my best friend (who was my sister as far as I was concerned) over a man.
We are civil to each other now, but it will never be repaired. Give yourself time to grieve, because it is a loss.” YrCeridwen
17. AITJ For Calling My Stepson A Dog To Teach Him A Lesson?
“I (37M) have known my wife (34F) for seven years, and have been married for four. We have a three-year-old daughter, and my wife also has a 10-year-old son with her ex-husband. I love him dearly as a son; he was shy and introverted with me when we first met, but over time he accepted me as a reliable adult in his life, and now, I’m one of his primary guardians.
He was always a sweet boy, and he still is, but lately, there have been some changes in his behavior. These all started after he made friends with some bad crowds, a group of pre-teens, and teenagers who claimed the neighborhood as their turf. We have separated him from these friends, and as lonely as he is now, at least he is not around questionable people.
When he was still with this group, he was constantly angry and frustrated with everyone around him, unwilling to participate in family activities or talk about his ideas. He is much better now, more patient and open with us, and he isn’t throwing angry tantrums.
However, he has now started calling his mom a nuisance instead of his mom. Although he has decent conversations with us, he never fails to add that in most sentences. Whenever he calls her, he screams it from across the room. We, including his dad, have tried to make him stop using that word on his mom, but he continues to do so.
I had enough of his tactic, so when my wife and I were making family plans with our kids, I started to refer to him like I was talking about a family dog and even added “his name”-the dog- dog as a hint to him.
It wasn’t anything major, but, for a kid, it was upsetting, and he burst into tears and ran to his room. That night, he refused to come out and have dinner with us, and since then, he hasn’t had any meals with us. He eats in his room.
My wife is unhappy with my action and calls it a jerk move. We have had some arguments about it here and there, but I think that if he wants to call his mom that, then he should also learn what that means for him.
I still think that he’ll learn a lesson from it, but his wife doesn’t. So, AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“Ytj- you, a fully grown 37-year-old adult man, called a 10-year-old little boy, a dog. You were so childish for that. Calling him names isn’t going to teach him any lessons.
It’s only going to make him dislike you and also may drive a wedge between you and your wife. He is going through some mental issues. Professional therapy may be beneficial. Also, you may benefit from getting therapy to discuss how to better parent a struggling child.” xxbananabreadxx
Another User Comments:
“Everyone is a jerk here, but somewhat understandable. I can’t even imagine what would have happened to me if I ever called my mother a nuisance, but it wouldn’t be anywhere near that mild and it definitely wouldn’t include being able to eat meals in my room.
If the normal avenues to modify behavior don’t work, you need to try something else. Maybe this will teach him some empathy. You didn’t mention whether or not he’s in some sort of therapy, but look into that.” C_Majuscula
16. AITJ For Not Wanting To Participate In My Dad's Third Wedding?
“My dad is the cause of a lot of both my childhood and adult trauma, I am currently mostly in low contact with him.
I see him some weekends, but rarely text and never call. He never physically harmed me, and the worst part is he never meant to hurt me, but he did such a number on my psyche that I have been in therapy for years because of how he treated me.
Anyway, suffice to say, he’s a jerk but he’s also my dad, and I’ve tried my hardest to have a relationship with him on my terms, but it’s been incredibly difficult.
As far as his wedding, I don’t even want to attend, but I’m going to the ceremony.
It’s his third wedding, and I don’t think he likes his future wife very much. He doesn’t treat her very well, but I’ve talked to her about it before, and she loves him and says “When it’s good it’s really good”. She wants to get married and he loves hosting parties, so they’re getting married. For the record, I don’t like her much either, but whatever.
It’s going to be attended by a lot of religious old strangers in a religious place – both of which I don’t want to be around. The reception is going to be at a restaurant, packed full of people all eating and talking, and even aside from the fact that I have an autoimmune disease, that’s not a situation I want to put myself into socially.
I literally won’t know anyone there except my sister and brother and of course the wedding couple.
If they ask me to participate in the wedding (kind of like a bridesmaid) I am going to say no. This is a boundary I want to set down, I absolutely will not do it.
To be honest, I don’t even know why I don’t want to do it. I just can’t stand even the thought of it. I don’t have a great relationship with my mom either (his first ex-wife), so it’s not about her.
I don’t want to hurt him, since he is a ‘family first’ kind of man and he’ll be hurt, but I don’t see why I should put myself through so much discomfort and possible risk for a wedding I don’t care about and a man who – while he never intended to – hurt me deeply.
I haven’t told them yet, the wedding is in May and they just started planning it. Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. there’s not a chance of you being the jerk in this situation. he caused you traumas, didn’t treat you well and you’re in therapy because of this.
You’re not comfortable attending it and you definitely should not put yourself through this because “he’s a family” guy. he can get hurt but he also can get over it if he’s a family person and recognizes the harm he did to you.
put yourself first, you deserve better.” AffectionateShoe867
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t want to hurt him, but he didn’t seem to have any trouble hurting you. Just decline. Stay low contact. He’s not a “family first” kind of guy. He’s a “put on a show for others so they think I’m a family first kind of guy”.
Family first guys don’t cause their kids trauma and don’t treat their fiancé’s badly.” FuzzyMom2005
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you are not obligated to accept the role of bridesmaid, if he gets ugly about it, tell him you’re skipping this one, and will rethink being the bridesmaid in the next wedding he has..
because it sounds like this one won’t last very long…” justtired2022
15. AITJ For Letting My Kids Speak French Despite My Brother-In-Law's Partner's Paranoia?
“My husband’s entire family speaks French. I do not. We’re in Canada so I do know a little and being around my husband and his circle has helped me get better but I’m still not the most fluent.
Our kids aren’t fluent (we live in a majority English-speaking area) but they are way better than me and can have conversations with people in French.
My husband’s older brother is seeing Lana. She also doesn’t speak French. I liked her at first and it was fun having someone to relate to regarding the language barrier but she’s starting to get on my nerves.
She’s constantly asking me if I’m sure they aren’t talking negatively about us (they’re not, I can usually understand the general idea of what people talk about and they hardly ever talk about me or Lana). I get the paranoid feeling and it took a while for me to let it go as well but what made me snap is her yelling at me for letting my children speak French.
Yes.
She yelled at me when my son (6 years old) got upset because he didn’t want to go to bed so he ran to his grandma and complained to her in French. He wasn’t doing it to spite me, he’s 6. He just wanted grandma to convince me to let him stay up and he’s used to speaking to his grandma in French.
Lana felt my 6-year-old was disrespecting me and said that my husband’s family was trying to isolate me from my kids and that was a clear example of it. I rolled my eyes at her and told her that she was a clear example of someone with extreme paranoia.
She got upset and said that she could just feel it and that I’d regret not taking her seriously when my kids grow up to hate me.
She seemed very serious about me letting my kids speak French and left with tears in her eyes.
I feel a little bad for not listening to her and brushing her off but it’s all a bit too ridiculous to me. I know there’s a chance it may be happening and I’m not fluent in French so who knows, maybe they are saying bad things about me to my kids.
I doubt it though and I have no reason to believe otherwise. Lana sent me a couple more texts expressing her anger then blocked me so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, basically; what your kids, and husband’s side of the family and you speak isn’t her business.
She’s allowed to be paranoid but she can’t be pushing it onto you! Being worried is normal but you gotta deal with that on your own, not push it onto everyone and expect them to fix you” Katz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – why would her initial thought be that people are talking bad about her, lol?!
And the nerve to think she can be so judgemental about the way you parent your child, to the point where she yelled at you, then tried to play the victim with tears in her eyes – yikes! That’s probably not paranoia, sounds like she knows she’s annoying and people dislike her for the way she acts.
Tbh, I do find it odd that you’ve been in a relationship for at least 7 years but haven’t learned the language of your husband’s family. And do they speak English, but are choosing to speak French, or have they not tried to learn either, considering they live in that area?
Still, that’s just questions, she took it way too far.” Original-Winter9334
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – look, could you have responded in a less snarky way? Of course. But you just mirrored what she’d said, and she was talking about your 6-year-old child. I get that she’s feeling some intense anxiety about that, and that’s not entirely within her control.
But what she *can* control is (1) putting some effort into learning French; and (2) not putting that anxiety onto the behavior of a 6-year-old child.” [deleted]
14. AITJ For Confronting My Ex-MIL About Favoritism At My Younger Daughter's Performance?
“I have been divorced for 4 years and have two daughters (8,15). My older daughter is very into musical theater and performs in many shows throughout the year!
My family supports her by going to at least 1 performance of every show she is in. Her father and his fiancé also attend the shows. Her grandparents on her father’s side have been noticeably absent this year ( they are retired and live less than 30 minutes away from the performance venues).
Out of 18 performance opportunities across 7 different shows ( most of which she had a lead role in) they have come to zero shows! This weekend her sister (8yo) had her stage debut as Belle in Beauty and the Beast. My ex-in-law came to my younger daughter’s performance and when my older one saw this she was visibly hurt.
My older daughter has noticed their absence and is upset by the clear favoritism. I was boiling inside when I saw them but I bit my tongue before the show.
At the end of the show, I brought my younger daughter over to the grandma ( the grandfather already left) and my ex and his fiancé who were waiting in the lobby.
Everyone gushes over performance etc. and I couldn’t take it! I turned to ex-MIL and said “ I appreciate that you came up to see “M” today however your absence at “J’s” shows has not gone unnoticed.” She looks at me and says “ I was sick.” So I list all 7 shows she has missed. At this point, the fiancé butts in and says “This isn’t the place.” I tell her “You are a mother too, I need to stand up for my child.” I then tell my ex-mil “The person who notices your absence most is J.” The fiancé butts in again saying “Now isn’t the time.” I turn away, and as I’m leaving I tell the fiancé, “You need to stay out of it and stop mothering my kids ( a story for another day)” AITJ for confronting my ex-mil in the lobby of the theater?
I agree having my 8yo there wasn’t ideal, but it was my only opportunity to address this issue! I did explain to my younger daughter that I didn’t want her to need to see that and she goes “You were right, it is completely unfair for her to come see me, but not see J.” My older daughter fully supported the confrontation and thanked me for standing up for her.
Sorry this was long, I could write a novel on my ex and his parents!”
Another User Comments:
“ESH except the fiancé. She was right—that was NOT the time or place to unload on your ex-MIL, no matter how upset you were. The night was supposed to be about your younger daughter’s performance, but you had to make a whole scene in front of the family, not to mention the other performers and parents who were there.
The MIL sucks if she’s showing favoritism, but that was not the way to handle your concerns. You need to have a conversation with your ex about it, and if he doesn’t want to intervene, call or text your MIL yourself, but try to remain calm and focus on what her absence means to your daughter.
You probably owe the fiancé an apology as well.” Ajstross
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for being upset but what you did wasn’t fair to your younger daughter. The focus should have been on her performance and you made it about your older daughter. She didn’t deserve that.
You could have called your former MIL on the phone to discuss it or you also could have asked your ex to talk to her. You should never take away one child’s moment in the spotlight to defend your other child.” Mother_Tradition_774
13. AITJ For Hiding Cookies From My Mom While Living In Her House?
“I 33f had to move back into my parents 64f and 67m house for a while because my lease was up and renovations to my new house were not done yet. This was only supposed to be for less than 1 year due to the fact that I do not get along with my mom and my dad tries to play peace keeper.
Both my parents work day shift jobs and I am on nights so I usually only see them on weekends, but I clean the house and help pay towards the monthly bills because I am here.
Five months ago I was in an accident that caused me to have surgery and be out of work.
My parents allowed me to extend my stay at their house due to it being a one-story story which allowed me to move around more easily. I am now slowly moving into my house and back at work but it’s slow going due to my current need for mobility aids and how easily I get exhausted.
Here is where I might be the jerk. During my recovery, my dad kept trying to buy me my favorite cookies, but I’d only get to eat maybe 4 total from the packet over a few days. My mom on the other hand would binge eat the rest of them in one sitting, and this happened a few times.
Eventually, I ordered a packet of cookies online and hid them, slowly eating them, honestly, it took 2 months to finish the packet.
Without thinking about it I threw the packaging away in the kitchen trash where it was for 2 whole days before my mom noticed. My mom finally noticed today and is upset with me that I felt the need to hide food from her.
She has been sulking, stomping around, and slamming anything that has a hinge since she discovered the trash.
My dad says I should apologize to her, but I told him I don’t see why I should when it was food I paid for with my own money and it technically did not leave the kitchen which was always a big food rule growing up.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I might be biased since I’ve got hidden food around my house like the fat kids at the beginning of Heavyweights. Odds are your mom is just upset with herself that her lack of self-control means you have to hide cookies from her to get any.” slightofhand1
Another User Comments:
“Nope! NTJ. You’re good. They were your cookies. You brought them! You should get to enjoy them. Tell her you would have shared if she would’ve shared those other packages with you.” blueeyedwolff
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My dad is a type 2 diabetic and did this to my favorite Samoa Girl Scout cookies once.
So I did the same thing as you did. I never got out of this habit.” Setthegodofchaos
12. AITJ For Skipping The Graduation Dinner My Mom Organized Against My Wishes?
“I (17M) am in an argument with my mom.
My parents divorced four years ago. Not sure what happened but her personality changed. She was angry with him all the time and spent a ton of time and resources traveling, neglecting him for a year or two until he filed for divorce.
They arranged so that I would stay with my dad on weekdays and my mom on weekends during school and opposite in the summer.
Mom made the custody a huge deal and it was annoying. The summer after they divorced I broke my leg. Two days later I was supposed to go to her house for the week but I didn’t feel like it.
It was going to be easier to stay with Dad and go to her the next week but she made such a fuss I ended up going. She just wanted me to meet her fling at the time and didn’t even really help me with anything.
That’s when I started noticing her treatment toward me was also changing. We haven’t been close since. When I turned 16 I started living with my dad full time and I visit my mom when she invites me.
Anyway, I graduated early last month. My dad had a small dinner for his side of the family and me to celebrate.
It was nice. My mom (who won’t even be at the ceremony in May because she has a trip booked lol) wanted to have one with her side tonight. I’ve told her repeatedly I don’t want one with her side of the family. They’re loud, overwhelming, and all they do is talk trash about my dad and the only time I see any of them is around Christmas.
She said they’d give me money and I said I don’t care, that doesn’t mean anything to me.
She sent me the details, day, time, restaurant, etc., and said everyone was excited to see me. I didn’t go. Again, I told her multiple times not to plan this.
Now she’s saying I’m a jerk because everyone showed up and now she’s embarrassed. She told them that my dad wouldn’t allow me to come which wasn’t the case. I feel a little bad because people showed up but I don’t know why they did.
They don’t care about me. They care about *her*. And I don’t think my mom does very much either. But maybe. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I’m sorry about the situation you are in, it sounds like it has been tough and confusing at times for you.
As you are entering adulthood, I would suggest you focus on yourself and your future more. You get to decide what kind of relationship you want with your family, and you get to set boundaries. If you can, talk with your parents about what happened and what is happening.
You should be able to have a somewhat adult conversation with them at this point. You do not need to feel guilty or be in the middle of any of your mom’s shenanigans.” AntiqueFollowing6571
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You told your mother you wouldn’t be at the dinner but she arranged it anyway.
That’s on her. If you want to, you could contact those family members to briefly let them know what happened. That’s if you want a relationship with any of them in the future. If not, you can leave it to your mother to sort out.” Inevitable-Rhubarb11
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That is not at all your fault. It may be wrong of you that you didn’t want to go to the dinner, but you _had_ told her you weren’t coming, and she just ignored that, which is wrong of her. Make sure whenever you are not dancing to her pipe, that your dad doesn’t get blamed. I guess with you being as old as you are he couldn’t be charged with estrangement, but you never know.
You could always tell someone on your mother’s side of the family that you didn’t want to come to this dinner, and that would put your dad in the clear. I am sorry you are having to go through this. Congratulations on your graduation.” FragrantEconomist386
11. AITJ For Not Allowing My Evicted Friend's Husband And Six Dogs To Stay With Me?
“Kind of an updated post a few months ago I moved out of my friend’s house due to her husband who had a TBI being nasty to me and then denying it because he has short-term memory loss and doesn’t remember being rude.
I moved after we had a huge blow-up over something petty. Well, fast forward I found out that since I left my friend and her husband haven’t paid rent so they’re being evicted. The landlord also stated neighbors have complained about the dogs barking outside.
I know for sure they have because I recently had to bail her out of jail due to her not paying a ticket from animal control when the neighbors recorded them barking for an hour outside. I let her know she can stay with me as well as her 3 kids until they get on their feet but I would not be taking in her husband or her 6 Australian shepherds.
Her husband is due to the many issues that came from him randomly being mean and the dogs are because 6 is a lot I’m in a 3-bedroom apartment on an upper floor and when I lived there it sounded like a stampede when the dogs would run around due to there being so many.
I also have seen how much damage they’ve done to their rental because they’re honestly not trained very well there’s ripped-up flooring, holes in walls, and stains all over the carpet from them using the bathroom inside. I told her this and she said her husband can stay with his brother but her dogs have to come with her.
Honestly, I used to love dogs but being there for so long I will probably never want a dog again. She’s currently not talking to me because she believes I am forcing her to live in her van in the middle of the winter because I won’t take her dogs and her mom essentially said the same thing about the dogs.
I know she’s attached to them and uses them as a coping mechanism but I honestly think she needs to rehome them. She hasn’t worked in 7 months and constantly asks to buy them food and she doesn’t have the desire to train them properly or have the roor them tbh.
I don’t want to lose our friendship as we’ve been friends for 17 years but I also am not risking my home and peace for dogs that aren’t my responsibility.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you are being very generous to open up your home and your friend can’t seem to understand that she is incapable of taking care of these dogs properly, with no money and no home.
She needs help beyond a ‘place to stay’…. and if no one has been able to get through to her about the dogs, it’s likely you won’t be able to either. If everyone keeps saying the same thing to her ‘rehome your dogs please’, maybe she’ll listen but no one should be under any obligation to take them in.
6 dogs is crazy…even for someone owning their own large home. She has a problem. Wishing you the best of luck” Canadian_01
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She refuses to accept the seriousness of her and the animalsanimal’sion. She has choices, but she refuses to realize that sacrifices must be made.
She can’t afford those dogs, and no landlord will allow that many. I’d block her. She’s being selfish, she wants everyone else to make sacrifices for her. Don’t set yourself on fire to keep her warm. If she’s homeless with 6 dogs, that’s by choice.” Deana-Marie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t see her rehoming 6 adults and untrained dogs. People will typically want a puppy that they can train from the first level and up, not an adult that has to unlearn some bad habits at the same time as receiving positive training.
I see a near future where 6 innocent dogs will have to be put down because they had a lazy, unfit owner. And that makes my b***d boil. For this reason, I don’t think I would take anyone from that family in. Your friend is a choosing beggar, and we both know that won’t work.” FragrantEconomist386
10. AITJ For Wanting To Stop Taking Care Of My Ungrateful Mother And Brother?
“I, female 25, am married and have a daughter 17 months old.
I live only with my husband. My mom, 62, who recently had a stroke and is half paralyzed (but can recover) lives with my brother, 29, who is not married and smokes all day. He doesn’t take responsibility for anything and also is financially dependent on my mom.
So here’s the story of my life. In my country, daughters are not praised like sons and my mom always financially supported my brother who is rude to me and my family but never supported me in the same way. The only money I ever received from her was 1500$ as a wedding gift while my brother was in private middle school and she paid for 2 colleges which he quit.
Now my mom had a stroke and I took care of her for a month, I didn’t get to see my daughter much, they kept being rude to me even though I had to change my mother’s diapers, clean her, cook for her, etc. I had to quit my job and still have no financial support from them (but she keeps supporting my brother).
Yesterday I argued with my mother because I asked her to sell her house and buy two apartments (one for my brother and one for herself near me so I can be closer to taking care of her and also closer to my family) and she refused to say “I don’t wanna buy you an apartment” (her apartment which should belong to me as a legacy).
I am hurt by her words because I took care of her without any interest and also bought groceries with my own money for them while my husband was alone taking care of our toddler. Now I have pressure from my husband who sees how much I am suffering from all this because I still feel sorry for my mom about her stroke and feel the need to take care of her but I am hurt about the situation that they don’t give a darn about my life and how it’s falling apart.
He’s furious that my brother refuses to take a leave from his job to take care of our mother while I have to sacrifice everything (my job, my daughter, my career, and my mental health). So, am I the jerk for wanting to leave them on their own?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – if neither your mum nor your brother have shown any interest or love towards you, you shouldn’t do that either. Relationships work in both directions and even if they are family, sometimes they don’t work out. You don’t have to cut contact completely if you don’t want to but, it is not fair that you have to give everything up for them if they are not willing to do the same.
Let them work it out on their own and go to live your life. Give your child the attention, love, and support that they didn’t give you, and enjoy your life.” macaroni
Another User Comments:
“You’ve done more than enough for people who mistreat you.
NTJ to leave them to their own at this point. They will hate and probably disown you; let them. It isn’t reasonable or healthy to be the doormat for hateful people in your life. Go focus on your daughter and what I hope is a loving husband.” owls_and_cardinals
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Leave them. Take care of YOUR family. That should be your priority. There’s no reason that an able-bodied 29-year-old man can’t take care of his mother. You’re not doing yourself any favors and you and your family are suffering because of this.
Again, your own family MUST be your priority. Mom is just going to have to deal with the fact that you can’t take care of her anymore.” NOTTHATKAREN1
9. AITJ For Giving My Mom The Silent Treatment After Therapy?
“This is my first time posting on something like this, but I’m genuinely confused and I want to know if I’m crazy or not. So I (m 16) was heading back from therapy last week. My mom (f 43) was driving us home and was asking about my session.
It was a particularly hard one, so I didn’t say much and wasn’t really in a great mood. We barely pulled out of the parking lot when she asked if I was alright with what she was making for dinner. (I don’t remember what exactly it was) I said sure, and she started going on about how she didn’t have to make me something I liked, that she could be “one of those” parents and make me something she knew I hated. I didn’t know what to say to this and was in a worse mood at this point, so I decided to say nothing.
She took great offense to this because then she started yelling at me. She said;
“You know, I’m sick and tired of the silent treatment. You’ve been treating me like dirt lately and I don’t have to take it. The silent treatment is a form of mistreatment, so you need to stop this now.”
I was appalled because I couldn’t imagine that she was going to imply that I was trying to mistreat her, and after a couple of seconds of stunned silence, she yelled again. I came up with a bad response about how I just said the word “sure.” But she retaliated by saying the word was rude.
Like I didn’t care about the hard work she put into making me and my siblings a meal. I was genuinely so confused at this point and couldn’t get more than a few stutters out. The car ride was silent the rest of the way home, and once there I just went to my room and cried.
I understand that she was probably feeling hurt by my attitude, but I am currently in the process of healing and am working on that. I don’t mean to hurt her feelings or be outwardly hateful to her, it’s just hard on the bad days.
Most of the time I don’t even recognize I’m doing it, but maybe that’s more of a me problem. I don’t think I’m abusive to my mother. Can anyone tell me if I’m in the wrong here?”
Another User Comments:
“Oh gosh I’m 32 with kids of my own now but this reminds me SO much of growing up with my mom.
Armchair diagnoses aren’t allowed but I will say that my mom exhibited strong signs of borderline personality disorder. You are not abusing her. She is the one yelling at you for not saying *exactly* the right words, right after picking a fight for no reason (why would she randomly start talking about how she could go out of her way to make a meal you don’t like?) I know how it feels to have your mom convince you that you’re the villain in the situation despite your best efforts, and I just want to tell you that you’re not, you sound like a thoughtful and sensitive son, and you won’t believe the relief when you move out and don’t have to walk on eggshells all the time.
Oh, and NTJ” zenocrate
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You have been cast as the bad guy for monosyllabic responses to your mom when feeling crappy. She did not check in with your feelings, and she made threats. As an adult, she should be modeling how to deal with emotions to you, and this is not that.
I guess that she is worried that you are discussing her in therapy and will grow to hate her. She is looking for evidence of this when you come out and interpret your inability to engage as evidence that you are turning against her. Then she exploded. As you can’t just avoid her, you may need to manage her anxiety about your therapy.
Give her some reinforcement even if you just want to curl into yourself. It should also be possible to tell her you had a hard session, you love her very much, and you are grateful for the food, but are struggling with your emotions right now.
Good luck.” chrestomancy
8. AITJ For Being Upset That My Kids Didn't Receive Christmas Gifts From Family But My Sister's Kid Did?
“One year ago I relocated to Florida with my wife and two boys. This Christmas we traveled back home to spend the holiday with family, like every Christmas.
Our family has a tradition of literally gathering around the tree on Christmas and handing out presents to each other. Over the years the family has grown, and my cousins had their children. A few years back we stopped giving presents to the cousins and their kids (who are now in college) because it was too much and everyone agreed as such.
Fast forward to this Christmas, we are gathered around the tree. My sister’s son who is the same age as my older son, 12, gets bombarded with presents from the family. Both of my kids ages 12 and 6, got nothing from anyone. Now, here’s what irks me.
My wife and I always made it a point to give presents to my cousins and their kids until their kids were in high school. Every year my sister and her son get a gift from us. She gave us nothing.
My younger son, 6, is very aware of his surroundings.
He said to me “Dad, I thought this was my family, how come they didn’t give me anything?” I’m a grown man, but when he said that it felt like a Tommy Morrison left hook. I thought we were closer to the family so as not to be completely overlooked. He picked up on this on his own without my wife and me saying anything.
After he said that, I got upset considering the present rule was overwhelmingly broken for my sister’s kid but followed for ours. Not to mention we always gave gifts to the cousin’s kids from the time they were born through high school, never missing a beat.
We also made sure this year, as every year, to give my sister, her husband, and her son a gift as well, they gave us nothing. There are no social issues or strains with that side of the family but their oversight annoyed me since their kids were never overlooked. I also don’t get the focus on my sister’s kid since he’s an unremarkable couch potato while both my kids are very active in the community and school, and are far from loafers.
It was very disappointing and I’m looking at the family through a different lens after this Christmas, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“When you call your nephew an “unremarkable couch potato” in comparison to your kids who are “very active in the community and school” I have to wonder how well-liked you all are in the family… NOT a reason to forget your kids at Christmas (I would never do that to even my brattiest niece or nephew)- but you might want to take a closer look at yourself…” SpecificCandy6560
Another User Comments:
“In situations like this, you know what works: communication. You’re an adult. Use your words. Let the rest of the family know what’s going on how you’re feeling about it and how your children are seeing what’s going on. You’re not telling anybody what’s going on and now you’re feeling hurt.
90% of all the issues on Reddit will be solved if you just talk to each other calmly and politely. NTJ for feeling like that. But you need to do something about it. Constructively and not just whine to read it” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ went through the same thing we always drew names for kids to buy $20 each & when kids started getting older and there were just my 3 little grandkids left everyone thought they shouldn’t get a $5 gift or anything.
I was upset & stopped going then went back to everyone to buy $5 gifts for both niece’s kids.” Justhadtosayit19
7. AITJ For Telling My Unemployed Fiancé He Needs To Be More Resourceful?
“My fiancé (27M) is amazing. And I want to stress that he does help around the house A LOT. But something bothers me a bit.
Whenever we have anything to do for the apartment – calling a cleaning person or a plumber/ sending an email to the realtor, this type of thing- he usually texts me or calls me and goes “Did you do X?” Or “We need to do Y”
He could do it himself instead of telling me, and he is home every day, while I am at work (he has been unemployed for a month now -I know that he doesn’t do anything, he is actively looking for a job and all, but I think it is still worth saying.)
Yesterday when I arrived at 8 pm and started making dinner. He goes: “By the way, we need to find a way to open the washing machine, it has been stuck the whole day”. I spent 5 minutes on Google, and I managed to open the washing machine with a screwdriver.
Today, Saturday, I had a rough week at work, and I am happy to spend some time chilling with him and going out in the sun.
But according to my fiancé, WE NEED to check his 2023 taxes, find something to do with our friends in two weeks, re-read a potential contract, and check how we can start a company together.
Instead of going out.
Tomorrow, I will help him work on his interviews.
I was very frustrated, I wanted to go out and enjoy 1 hour of sun outside. In the end, it was almost sunset when we got out of the apartment.
And I said to him that it is quite annoying when he gives me tasks like this.
And that sometimes I feel that he is not super resourceful.
He was hurt by this comment, I still feel bad for how I hurt him. I didn’t want to be mean, but I was. I apologized profusely for how I made him feel and all.
I do feel bad.
BUT. SOMEWHERE. IN MY MIND. I replay the story and I can’t stop thinking that I was in the right. Can’t he send a reminder to the plumber himself or Google search how to open a washing machine?
I need some external and “neutral” point of view.
Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. If you aren’t familiar with the concept of emotional labor, do some reading about it- he is piling it on you to a ridiculous degree. You were right to bring it to his attention and if he can’t make some changes, I’d personally rethink the relationship.
It sounds exhausting.” Selah
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Weaponized incompetence. Just tell him ‘WE’ is one too many in that sentence. He’s a grown person, nearly 30, you guys have internet and he can sort it out. How did he adult before you guys lived together?!
(Please don’t tell me he moved from his parents straight in with you).” Duchess_of_Avon
Another User Comments:
“This man is showing you exactly who he is. He may have a great personality and treat you well, but at his core, he’s both selfish and completely lacks awareness.
He has no problem outsourcing his emotional and mental labor for you to do to make his life run more smoothly. Over time you are going to get more and more frustrated and eventually start to resent him. You’re not his mother. If you disappeared in the rapture, I guarantee he would be able to figure it out just fine.” terpischore761
6. AITJ For Not Wanting To Hear About My Housemate's Potential Affair?
“Me (26, f) and my housemate Hannah (24, f) have lived together for almost a year now. We were friends of friends but did not know each other before we lived together. In general, we get along pretty well, we have very different backgrounds and I sometimes find her a little out of touch but I tend to hold my tongue about these things.
Likewise, I’m sure she walks carefully on some issues around me.
A few months ago she met this guy, Anthony, who had a partner who lived in the States. They instantly connected and have been very flirty with each other. Anthony has not been unfaithful to his partner with Hannah but I do think there has been an emotional affair.
He did tell Hannah he was going to break up with his partner a couple of months back. This did not happen.
Hannah has recently started saying she is going to make a move because she owes the partner nothing and it’s not like it even counts as a relationship because it’s long distance.
I’ve skirted around the issue as it has nothing to do with me but does make me a little uncomfortable when she talks about his partner. I don’t like unfaithfulness. When Hannah has asked me directly what she should do I’ve always said I think you should look after yourself and take a step away because you are quite likely to get hurt.
A few days ago when she was ranting about Anthony/ the partner I said eventually “Can we stop talking about this. You know my thoughts, I don’t want to help you plan on how this guy is going to be unfaithful to his partner”.
She got very annoyed by the whole thing and told me I was being a bad friend and she should be able to discuss her feelings in her home.
We’ve never argued before so I just kind of acknowledged what she said and left the room. It’s now very awkward and my other flatmates say that agree with what I said but it was never going to go down well.
I now think I should have just nodded along like I had done the last few times it came up.
Was I the jerk? I worry I was maybe a bit blu*t but she’s an incredibly blu*t person and very direct so I thought she wouldn’t have an issue with my blu*t response.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just set the pace now to prevent a larger issue later (which it sounds like you have to a degree).
Be FIRM but also polite on this one. Let her know it’s not a topic you’d like to discuss and you won’t continue to discuss it with her. Overall, you can’t prevent her from talking about it in the house in general like if she had a friend over and they talk about it or whatever, but it’s okay to place a boundary that YOU won’t be engaging in that topic” FabbaJabba.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t say she couldn’t discuss her feelings in her own home. You said YOU didn’t want to listen or talk about it anymore. Nobody can force you to listen and she sounds like she was talking AT you. I probably would have left it at not wanting to talk about it any more than adding the unfaithfulness part.
Still NTJ.” Inevitable-Rhubarb11
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She probably wants you to validate her actions because, at the core, she knows she’s in the wrong for carrying on with this guy. She can talk about whatever she wants but not to whomever she wants. A good friend doesn’t just nod along with whatever they say, they give you honesty and guidance.” PeachiiLean
5. AITJ For Keeping A Dog That Was Surrendered To A Shelter By Its Previous Owners?
“I (20F) recently moved into a new apartment complex with my roommate (21F).
We have been living together for about six months now and were debating renewing our lease at our old place, but we both decided that we should find somewhere else rather than continue to deal with our terrible landlord for low-ish rent. A big thing about our new complex is that it is pet-friendly.
My roommate and I have discussed getting a dog, and now we finally have that opportunity. About five days ago, we went to a shelter to find a dog, and we met Grizzly, a young lab who had recently surrendered. We immediately fell in love with him and adopted him on the spot.
Grizzly has spent the last few days acclimating to our apartment, and he’s fitting in.
This is where the trouble starts. My roommate joined the apartment complex’s social media group and posted about adopting Grizzly. We then got a knock on our door about an hour after the post went up, and it was a woman who was maybe in her late 30s.
She tells us that Grizzly was her family’s dog, and they had surrendered him to the shelter because “their daughter was misbehaving”, and now they wanted him back after they decided that she “deserved him again”, and that they were “so grateful that a nice girl kept him safe for her daughter”.
My first reaction was to tell her no, and she got pretty upset. About ten minutes after she left when I told her no, her husband and she both came to the door to yell at my roommate for “kidnapping their dog”. Eventually, neighbors heard the commotion and things got awkward for everyone involved, but now they are relentlessly spamming the social media page about the “dog thieves that live upstairs”.
I don’t feel bad at all for the parents. They seem like total jerks, but I do feel bad for their daughter. We haven’t had Grizzly long, and I already feel attached, but I don’t want for that little girl to see her dog-loving someone else.
Part of me wants to give him back for her sake, but the other worries for his safety with that family. My roommate is just as conflicted, and we aren’t sure if we’re the jerks for taking this girl’s dog away from her, even if her parents are trash bags.
What do you guys think? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First of all the story from the parents sounds super made up. Did they offer you any proof that this was “their” dog? Leaving the dog at a shelter and surrendering the dog is not the same as taking the dog to a kennel for an extended stay.
If someone else outside of the social media page had adopted the dog they would not have had any opportunity to get the dog back. There is a good chance they saw the dog and just wanted it, and are manipulating you. No kid is perfectly behaved and if they think that surrendering a pet is a justified punishment for their daughter, it will happen again.
They don’t seem like they are in a stable enough home to add a pet to it. If their story is true that poor girl has a lot more going on than losing her dog. Having the dog upstairs could be the only way to ensure she ever sees the dog.
The entitlement of some people is shocking sometimes. Congrats on YOUR dog.” Business-Hotel-4899
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Get the adoption center involved if it escalates and honestly even the police… You now have the ownership and rights to this dog. Seems to me like the dog is gonna have a lot better of a life with the both of you than with this family.
Yes, it SUCKS for this little girl but maybe it can also be a lesson for her family to not do stupid crap like that again as a “punishment” for their daughter… like that’s just messed up on their end. It’s your dog. Enjoy Grizzly and give him a million treats and belly rubs.” whalesarecool20013
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – They gave up Grizzly, you adopted him. How is that kidnapping? It isn’t. They are not thinking probably out of guilt. You should keep Grizzly and give him a good home, because if you did return to that family how do you know they won’t do the same thing all over again and maybe Grizzly won’t be lucky this time and get adopted and be put down by the shelter?
At least he has a good home now and can be secure and happy.” Mustng1966
4. AITJ For Wanting To Tell My Boss About Coworkers' Secret Plans To Move?
“I work at a small labor-based business with three coworkers and our boss. Two of my coworkers are planning on moving in the coming months but have not yet told our boss, and by the sounds of it, I am unsure if they plan to do so any time soon.
When asked why they hadn’t mentioned it yet I was told they were worried about retaliation. This confused me as our boss is generally pretty good. We are paid well, given regular bonuses and raises, and the boss has a fairly friendly demeanor- though I will admit they can become irritated at times due to their medical problems. They do have minor conflicts with each other on occasion due to miscommunication or mistakes being corrected, but they rarely last more than a day and are almost entirely just vaguely passive-aggressive comments.
I do not think this retaliation would happen and would most likely instead be just awkward tension.
Seeing as our workforce is so small and knowing how we are already just barely keeping up most days I am extremely anxious about them leaving. It took us several months of cycling through new hires until we found half-decent workers and I fear this will be the case again.
I worry the strain of having to navigate new hires and training them *after* the two coworkers move would cause us to fall behind enough that the business will suffer. The third coworker and I are also both disabled and I worry that the increase in our workloads once the other two leave (assuming they do not tell the boss until it is almost time to move) would be enough to force us to either quit or take time off.
I enjoy this job, I want to keep it for years to come, and I am unsure what I would do if it were to disappear.
I find myself stuck. I want to tell our boss so that we can start the hiring process and smooth out the transition period.
However, I also know this isn’t my news to share and that they would be very upset with me if I did. To them, I imagine it could easily be seen as a betrayal or possibly as putting their jobs at risk.
WIBTJ if I told our boss about their plans to move?”
Another User Comments:
“Communicate with THEM first, not your boss. They told you (some of) their plans- now ask them the rest. How hard would it be to say “I’m happy for you guys! How much notice are you planning to give? It will be really hard on me and [other remaining coworker] if you give notice late so I hope you’ll consider talking to [boss] with enough notice for us to find decent replacements!
“ See what they say before getting nervous or creating animosity, possibly for nothing.” Shake_Speare423
Another User Comments:
“Everyone would be the jerk. Are you not also worried about retaliation from your co-workers who are leaving? If you’re the only one they told of their plans & suddenly the boss knows and confronts them, it wouldn’t take a genius to connect the dots as to who spilled the beans.
Urge them to give proper notice but don’t be a rat.” User
3. AITJ For Wanting To Scale Back Holiday Gift Spending Due To Financial Struggles?
“My (35F) family is big on holidays and birthdays – usually gifts fall in the $150-$200 range per gift, per person. My mother (60F) in particular is someone who takes time to calculate the cost of gifts she gives and receives, and tries to “match” her math for gifts given versus received. For example, if I get her a gift that is about $150, she will try to get me a similar-priced gift so that it is not “unfair” in her terms. She agonizes over this yearly and she is also someone who expects everyone to spend this amount on other family members for Christmas, birthdays, etc. She does get angry if she feels slighted or like less money was put into a gift she receives versus a gift she gave.
This year… is a little different for us financially. On top of inflation costs, I unexpectedly lost my job about a month ago. I have a new job lined up now thankfully, but it won’t start for a few weeks, and I won’t see much pay from it until the new year.
My significant other (36M) and I are also having an unexpected vehicle issue and need to look for a car for one of us so I can start the new job. We did not anticipate taking on a car payment or having to find another vehicle during this time, but life just kind of comes at you.
I think we will be OK but at the expense of the holiday season.
I am getting stressed about the holiday season and in particular the pressure from my family to buy expensive gifts and to “price match.” My significant other and I are thinking we will scale back costs or supplement with homemade gifts (cookie boxes, crafted items, one of us is a good artist and could do some paintings, etc) so we can make it through until the new year.
I am concerned that if I tell my family in advance that we are scaling down prices because of our finances, I will incur my Mom’s anger over “ruining the holidays.” But, I don’t want them to feel slighted because they spent more on me than I can spend on them, and I showed up with less expensive gifts with no warning.
WIBTJ for telling my family in advance of Christmas that we need to scale back our gift-giving this holiday season?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s still early so hopefully no one bought presents for you yet. Although, I gotta be honest here and say that if your mom or any other member of your family gives you crap because you can’t buy expensive gifts, then they’re totally a jerk.
The holiday season is supposed to be about love and kindness, not buying the perfect gift and spending all your money on it.” featherzz20
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother and family gift-giving sounds stressful and horrible. No one should be keeping track of how much you spend and whether they think it is worth it.
Honestly, my family decided years ago to stop giving gifts and instead donate to charity. How many $100 stupid tchotchke gifts do people need, especially when it is just to keep score?” TempyIsMyName
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I think homemade gifts are a great idea! The time put into homemade gifts makes them more valuable than something store-bought in my opinion.
However, I think it might be better to give your family a heads up that you’re going homemade this year so they can respond accordingly (either reciprocate homemade items or so they won’t feel slighted).” High-Marie
2. AITJ For Refusing To Compliment A Self-Conscious Friend's Looks?
“There’s this girl, Jane (F18), who’s in a few of my (M18) classes at uni, and my friends and I sometimes hang out with her. Jane is nice, but unfortunately, she has a lot of confidence issues when it comes to her looks.
Don’t get me wrong; I think she looks fine. Most people think she’s pretty. However, for whatever reason, Jane is convinced she’s unattractive.
Jane uses a lot of self-deprecating humor about her looks, and for a good while, I thought she was just messing around.
However, her friend, Kate (F18), told me that she was serious, and honestly, after paying closer attention, this became clear to me as well.
So last night, I was hanging out with Jane, Kate, their other friends Maggie (F18) and Sophie (F19), and my friends Eric (M18) and Zak (M18).
I don’t know what was different about last night, but Jane didn’t seem too happy and was making several comments about how she looked like she normally does.
Whenever she does this in the past, Eric, Zak, and her friends will say things like “No, you’re pretty” or something similar.
You get the idea. Whenever they look at me to say something, I always say something neutral, like “You look normal” or “You don’t look bad,” or I’ll shrug. Eric and Zak have told me privately in the past that I should probably say something nicer.
Kate and Maggie even told me that I should, since they think I’m hard to please, and Jane would appreciate hearing it from me because of that. I honestly don’t see the point, as whatever caused Jane to be like this can’t be solved with positive affirmation, in my opinion.
So last night, after everyone was calling her pretty and such, she kept looking over at me, and I was just like “You look tired and should probably moisturize your skin.” It was a perfectly honest observation at the time because she did look tired and her skin looked dry (it’s been cold the last few days so that’s probably why).
Jane didn’t look happy with my response, and someone sort of changed the topic. When I was going back to my dorm with Eric, he told me that Jane was probably really upset that I didn’t say she was good-looking or something. When I told him that words weren’t going to do anything for Jane and that she needed to change her mindset about overvaluing looks, he said that I was being a bit of a jerk.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. I completely get where you’re coming from – I have met people like Jane and it’s extremely tiring to have them constantly look for validation (even if she’s not doing it consciously, that is exactly what she’s doing).
No matter how many times someone offers a compliment, she’ll just beg for another soon enough. It’s not your job to cater to that nonsense. But you went overboard here – instead of ignoring it you insulted her. I know that you were put on the spot and were sick of dealing with this, but it was out of line.
And, of course, the other friends that not only constantly cater to Jane are jerks as well – their insistence that you join in with their encouragement of Jane’s unhealthy behavior is just plain wrong.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, I mean yeah you shouldn’t have said that to her knowing she’s self conscious but I hate the idea of people having to always validate someone’s feelings to them feel better about themselves it doesn’t work like that you can have millions of guys tell you you’re pretty but still feel like you’re ugly forcing people to praise you and your looks just so you don’t get upset is just weird and not helping so overall NTJ but I’d stay away from her or limit contact if she keeps expecting you to compliment her” ihatebroccoli7888
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. When she makes these comments maybe just straight up don’t look at her until the subject changes. Ignore the behavior? Or, if you can’t avoid it/and feel like saying something: state the obvious. ‘You talk like this constantly and it annoys me because it makes no sense.
I’m not feeding this nonsense anymore. ‘ Point being you can only control your actions, as much work as she needs on herself, might as well speak your mind in a way that gets better results for everyone (Especially if you’re all together a lot)” Nice-Mouse-1766
1. AITJ For Clashing With My Partner Over Our Different Habits?
“I think the title makes it sound like I don’t compromise, which isn’t true. My partner and I are quite opposites in a lot of things, he’s a night owl and I prefer an early night/morning, for example. He likes to cook and eat late, I prefer earlier.
Because of some core differences, we’ve both compromised on several things each way.
One small thing I’ve noticed is that he comments I am ‘messy’ on several things. One thing is that I prefer to cook a meal, eat it, and then wash up after.
He prefers to wash up as he goes along and thinks it’s ‘silly’ to do what I do. In the same vein, he always unpacks his clothes into hotel wardrobes, whereas I don’t. I find it a bit pointless unless it’s a long stay, and I worry I’ll lose stuff if I go putting it in unfamiliar places.
Instead, I just use my suitcase as a base and keep everything within that refined space. Depending on what the item is, I might fold it and I might not. During both of these things, he always comments I am ‘messy’ and suggests his way of doing things, to which I often decline.
Moving on this weekend, we’re staying with his parents. He has an armchair in his bedroom which I use as my ‘clothes chair’. I lay items onto it, one over the back and both arms. He calls this ‘messy’ in a jokey tone. He also then comments on my use of the bathroom.
Conversely, I like to lay my products out of my washbag on a shelf, because I reach for them regularly. He also audibly comments that this is messy.
It starts to grate on me because I’m not a messy person, but instead just have fundamentally different habits to him.
It frustrates me because he can’t see that just because it’s different to him, doesn’t make his way ‘right’ and mine ‘wrong’.
We didn’t argue, but we did have a bit of a heated debate. He said why didn’t I just use the chest of drawers – I said there’s no point because we’re here for 48 hours, also he never offered me the drawers, I assumed they’d be full of his things.
Ultimately, getting called ‘messy’ several times makes me feel judged, and it also reminds me of my ex who was abusive and very critical.
AITJ the jerk for putting up a fight about such a small thing, should I just have conceded and done what he asked me to do?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. At hotels especially it’s best everything stays in ur bag so u won’t lose it(but also fold everything and not just leave it open and unorganized) for his parent’s house u could’ve just kept our stuff in ur bag instead of the counter but also he didn’t offer a drawer so obviously u will make do, and everyone is acting like not half of the population has a “clothes chair” in their room l**o so NTJ and neither is he its just different habits u both need to adapt/fix” Competitive_Newt6274
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As long as the washing up is done, who cares if it’s during prep or after the meal? As long as your clothes aren’t in the way, who cares if they’re in your bag, in a chest, or on a single chair?
Your partner doesn’t have to say a thing about any of this – but he chooses to despite knowing it upsets you. It’s the act of a bully. You don’t need this.” WestLondonIsOursFFC
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Probably my opinion is biased, because in Spain (or at least every person I know) do the same things as you (well, older people tend to think that having a “clothes chair” is messy, but even my mother has one).
I’ve never heard of anyone who washes the plates while they eat or that they don’t use their suitcase as a base. So I’m finding it hard to understand why your partner would be mad or judge you for any of the things that you have described.” paul
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