People Are Assertive In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Not Allowing An Autistic Student On A Mission Trip Due To Safety Concerns?
“This isn’t a mission trip to an African country where we force kids to take pictures with us.
This is a mission trip where we go to communities within a few hours’ drive where our help is requested and needed. Now to the actual issue at hand.
I (19f) work at a church as a co-youth director. I love my job and I love all my students but I have constant issues with one of my students who we’ll call John.
Now although I’ve never known John to have any malicious intent with his actions, he constantly oversteps boundaries. John has autism so while he lacks social cues, I don’t think it should necessarily be an excuse for his behavior. Some examples are he takes pictures of his fellow students even when explicitly asked not to, telling people to “chop chop and hurry up” when they’re telling a story, and his need to call me at 2-4 am randomly for no reason.
John has been on several trips with us but has never been on one as long as this one will be, nor has he ever done any service work with us. John’s mother asked if John could come on this trip and we told her that we would have to discuss that as a team (the team being my co-director and all the adults on the trip).
Now after a long discussion, we came to the conclusion that John working with the power tools that we use would be too dangerous as he often has meltdowns, and due to his lack of boundaries, we knew he would end up doing something that would make his work team or our clients uncomfortable.
His mother was not pleased with me when I told her no. She demanded answers on why we’re “discriminating against her son” and I explained to her that it would not be fair to the fellow staff to have to watch John 24/7 so he doesn’t hurt himself or others.
She told me I was ableist for not having adequate care for her son and stormed out. I don’t think I’m the jerk, I’m just one person, an underpaid youth director at that. I can’t assess every student’s needs to the fullest but I wanted a 2nd opinion from an outside point of view so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. All the adults made an assessment of what the trip would entail and how John would handle things based on what they’ve seen. They found the two to be incompatible. You haven’t booted him out of the program, just made the decision to not include him in this longer-than-normal trip.
He has the opportunity to go on other trips. You should contact church leadership to explain what happened before she gets into their ears. If they pressure you to relent, tell them John can come if his mother is there to be his personal chaperone.” Flat_Contribution707
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds to me that the team has done a risk assessment and come to the decision that there are legitimate safety concerns and that it would potentially be unsafe for him to attend. Put this risk assessment on paper and present it to his mother and talk her through it point by point, she may be able to suggest ways around the issues.
I’m a high-functioning autistic with ADHD. As a child, I would do dangerous things not knowing that they were dangerous, and have meltdowns. You need to put other people’s safety first.” Expensive-Aioli-995
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As someone who works with autistic youth on an almost daily basis, I know how hard it can be to help them control any meltdown they may have.
You have to think about their behaviors and what plans are in place to help them calm down and help them remain safe to themselves and others. And you have to think about anything that may set them off, noise, too many people, wanting to play with a ‘toy’ that is dangerous for them to play with.
I would though ask the mom if she would be willing to come and supervise him on trips such as this.” IPurpleYou92
21. AITJ For Wanting My Fiancé's Daughter To Be Involved In Our Wedding?
“I recently got engaged. My (28f) fiancé (who I’m calling R, 32m) has an 8-year-old daughter (who I’m calling S). He had her with his late wife. She passed away in a car accident 5 years ago. I met R through mutual friends 3 years ago.
We began seeing each other shortly afterward.
My FMIL has never really liked me. I’m not really sure why as I’ve always tried to be nice to her. I want her to like me. She also disagrees with a lot of the decisions R has made in regard to me and S.
For example:
1.) R decided to introduce me to S after 8 months of seeing each other. FMIL doesn’t think we should’ve been introduced until R and I were married.
2.) I try to spend one-on-one time with S. I want to bond with her. We’ve gotten ice cream together, gone to the local pool, painted our nails, helped her make a gift for her dad on his birthday, etc. R says he “loves that his two favorite girls are spending time together.” S seems to really enjoy it too!
She’s always asking me when the next time we can hang out is. However, my FMIL doesn’t think I should be alone with S.
I want S to be involved in the wedding. Maybe a junior bridesmaid or a flower girl, we haven’t figured out exactly which way yet.
R seems to really like the idea too. He is excited to have her involved. We mentioned it to FMIL and she went ballistic on me. She said that it’s disrespectful to S’s mom for her to be involved in a wedding to ‘replace her’.
She called me a jerk and a mean person for even suggesting the idea. She told me I will never be S’s mom so stop pretending to be. (I want to say that I know that I will never be S’s mom nor would I want to replace her.
Based on everything I’ve heard about her she seemed like a good person and a terrific mother. I’m just excited for my new role in S’s life. I love R and her so much.) R and I left almost immediately because confrontational situations like that give me really bad anxiety.
R told me to just ignore her and usually I would. But she told my FSIL and she took FMIL’s side. This makes me wonder AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for wanting your stepdaughter in your wedding, assuming your stepdaughter has a choice. You know what sucks for kids?
Feeling like they don’t matter in their family because their parent has a new spouse. You being involved and wanting to be around S is great. What you need to do IMO is stop bringing FMIL into your relationship decisions. Your FMIL’s reactions and responses are not healthy or rational. Quite frankly, they shouldn’t even have this much weight over you.
You’re FSIL is FMIL’s family. Always assume they will take sides and not necessarily because it’s the most rational outcome.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ this is a lovely gesture and please do involve your stepdaughter – though I’d suggest asking her first to see how she feels.
Your FMIL sounds horrible and is the jerk. She should never call you a ‘replacement’ and she should be happy that you are taking such good care of her granddaughter. Ignore FMIL as much as you can. Unfortunately, she may infect your stepdaughter with this negativity and ideas of you as a ‘replacement’, so you and your future husband may want to watch out for this.
There is no excuse for her behavior. I’m sorry you are dealing with this instead of focusing on your happy occasion. Congratulations by the way! And have a lovely day!” Slainte_eireann
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Future MIL is crazy. I agree with not introducing partners right away, but waiting until after marriage?
That is crazy. The child deserves time to get to know the new person. And it sounds like you are moving at the child’s pace and not trying to replace her mom. Good for you. You sound like a wonderful person and I think including the child in the wedding is a wonderful idea.
eta. OP commented that FMIL helped her son a lot after he was widowed. I think this is where the source of her anger comes from…she isn’t really worried about mom being forgotten, she is worried about being replaced in her grandchild’s heart.
Fiancé needs to talk to his mom and get her to realize her animosity will bring about a self-fulfilling prophecy.” del901
20. AITJ For Not Taking My Ex's Child To Disney With My Family?
“I am a 29-year-old man. I have one kid (6f) who is obsessed with Disney. Her birthday was coming up so I worked and saved up enough money to buy tickets and pay for us to get there and everything. The daughter I have is with my ex-partner who I was with for many years.
I am now married to another girl who I have a kid with (2m). So my wife and I got 4 tickets for Disney.
I have mostly full custody of my daughter. She recently went to stay with her mother while I and my wife went out of the state for a funeral. Our son stayed with my mom.
When I went to pick my daughter up, my ex-partner came out telling me I’m a horrible person for not including her kids in MY family vacation. Saying I should take her kid to Disney too since I’m like his dad. His dad is one of my old friends who is now in prison so I help with bills and food.
Why should I have to pay more money for a kid that’s not mine? My wife and I both think it’s wrong for her to ask but my mom is on my ex-partner’s side. My mom still wishes we were together. She hates my wife and says that it’s my responsibility to take my ex-partner’s kid.
He will never get to experience that with his real dad who is in prison until the kid is 14.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My son doesn’t take his ex-wife’s kids from a previous relationship to the coast for the week – he only takes his son (the one he had with her).
Going to Disney isn’t a ‘Dad’ experience. His mother could take him just as easily. Your mother can also take him if she feels THAT strongly about it. But it’s definitely NOT your responsibility to take him – you are helping out extra already, financially so your ex should be appreciative of that and not bust your balls about Disney.” MissSuzieSunshine
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your ex and your mother are totally ridiculous. It is really sad to say this but this is why you cannot help some people out. The fact that you have assisted with the other kids somehow has made her entitled. You owe her kids nothing.
Anything you do is a bonus. The fact that she brought your mom into it adds another layer of craziness. Your mom needs to mind her business because this is not hers. If your ex wants her kids to experience Disney then she should take them all (including the one she shares with you, not your youngest).
You are probably nicer than me because, after this, I truly would only provide for my child.” LouisV25
Another User Comments:
“This isn’t a McDonald’s meal. This is a huge expense for your child’s bday for your family. Stop helping out with her other kid.
She made her choices and the kiddo’s father made theirs. So much so that you have primary custody. You need hard boundaries. NTJ.” Jess_cue
19. AITJ For Switching Cheerleading Uniforms With My Partner?
“I 16M am the only male cheerleader on the school team. No, I didn’t join to try and pick up girls (but my partner is a teammate) or for any inappropriate reason. I like cheerleading, am very good at it, and due to my gender am more likely to get a cheerleading scholarship to college.
Anyway, the uniform I wear has pants and is kind of restrictive. I asked the coach if I could wear shorts, but she said no because of “modesty.”
Now, picture a stereotypical cheerleading uniform. Got it in your head? That’s what everyone else’s uniform looks like.
And a lot of the girls hate it. They frequently say they’d rather wear pants or shorts than the super short skirts, but oh well. Anyway, so my partner and I switched uniforms for last night’s game. The coach was furious and sent us home early.
My dad thought it was hilarious, but my partner’s parents were furious and said I was banned from their house for getting their daughter into that stuff. It was both our idea. I didn’t force her. But with the school and her parents both mad at me, I wonder if I really am the bad guy here.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ve always rolled my eyes at co-ed cheerleader teams’ uniforms because the male and female cheerleaders usually don’t look like they do the same sport, nevermind are on the same team. Even when the guys wear shorts, the silhouettes and like, vibes, are always so different.
They look like they got lost on their way to the basketball court or the track field. Ice skaters have different silhouettes between female and male skaters, but at least they usually look cohesive together.” owl_duc
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. To be honest, I don’t understand how they expect you to cheer in a restrictive outfit.
How are you supposed to do all that athletic stuff in a restrictive uniform? I think you should start a movement for some changes in the cheerleader outfits, for all and any genders. Everyone should feel physically and mentally comfortable in the cheerleading outfits, and there should be several options to choose from.
Get a petition going, make a social media thing, etc. But before you do this, start by getting other cheerleaders’ opinions on what positive changes should be made to the outfits. What would they like to see changed or improved?” CherrieChocolatePie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Former (female) cheerleader here and tbh, the uniforms for both genders are so restrictive. I don’t want to be wearing long-sleeved spandex sports bras underneath my rigid, wool cheer top while lifting girls above my head for 2 minutes and 30 seconds. That crap is hard and made so much worse by the sweat.
And don’t even get me started on Nationals and Worlds in Florida…WAY too hot for long sleeves and long pants even in April.” daphydoods
18. AITJ For Confronting A Friend For Exploiting Our Late Friend's Death For Attention?
“One of my close friends passed away. He was a friend to everybody and it’s taken back a lot of people.
I’ve been planning his celebration of life and have been extremely stressed about it. His family friends and family will be there and I want his mom to see what an impact her son had.
It’s very heartbreaking and I’m just anxious, hoping everything will go as planned.
There is a girl I am not very close with but considered a friend in one of the groups I’m in. She is renowned for her obnoxious vlog-type snap stories and posting everything she’s doing.
The day of his passing a group of us got together to grieve with each other. She kept posting our bonfire on her story like it was a party when really it was depressing and just sad.
This made multiple people very upset because, to them, it felt like she was using him for clout.
It’s something I definitely noticed, but I know everyone grieves in their own way.
Since then, she has continued to post videos of him on her story saying she is heartbroken, but the next slide will be a selfie or video of her doing something, seemingly unfazed.
Two nights ago we had another bonfire and she said, “I literally hate how many people are using (name)’s death for clout,” and continued to not name anybody, but say that it’s ridiculous. I asked her to name one person who was doing this and she couldn’t.
I tried to move on from the convo because I was increasingly getting more frustrated and then she said, “like he wasn’t even that close to some of these people,” which she still hadn’t specified who.
This really ticked me off because she was (what I felt) projecting how she felt about her own actions.
I told her that she was the one doing this. That I haven’t heard her say one genuine thing about who he was or her relationship with him and that she was exploiting him. I said to stop treating our late friend as a ploy for her attention problem and to respect him.
I walked away because I was upset and her partner told me to apologize because I was being harsh on her. I told him I never raised my voice, I never said anything that was over the top, and if anything I was being incredibly level-headed about her rambling.
Multiple people have talked to me about her uncomfortable social media posts, that it feels wrong to see a post of mourning to only have a snap 5 minutes later where she’s having the time of her life.
I understand everybody is grieving differently. But this just doesn’t feel right to me.
I felt like I needed to stand up against her hypocrisy, especially for somebody that was so special.
Oh no! I forgot to add that she was friends with him when we were sophomores in high school for a few months (5 years ago). Another reason people find her behavior unappealing is because she was never necessarily close to him, especially in these recent years.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You thought it but didn’t say it until she accused others of doing what she is doing. She needed a dose of the truth. You don’t need to apologize. You need to avoid her. She’ll be having a meltdown about this now.
The world revolves around her in her mind. Good riddance.” Patient_Criticism231
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sorry for your loss, your friend seems like he was a good person to have so many people invested in ensuring he is remembered well. Grieving differently is one thing, appropriating someone’s death is another.
You were even being incredibly gracious and patient and intending to simply allow the moment to pass without comment until she raised it.” isogaymer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… No need for apologizing when everyone is sad. Emotions are out of whack and everyone deserves space.
The dumb poster is just one of those people that needs the attention. She is in the wrong and she will continue to do it until after the funeral. When my best friend from work passed no one official called me like my boss or co-worker that I liked…
it was the person I disliked that had to be the one telling everyone what happened. She thought I would burst into tears. I didn’t. My friend had been ill for a while and I had already prepared for the end. I could feel her disappointment over the phone from my lack of response.
They thrive on people’s reactions though. Giving them the reaction is their energy. That’s why she posts a fun photo after the other post. She’s getting energy from the death post. Really odd. Really awful. I’m so very sorry for your loss.” righteousredo
17. AITJ For Leaving A Volunteer Gig Because My Partner Is Sick?
“Every year both my partner’s mother and father run volunteering for a large marathon. My partner’s mom doesn’t give us a say in whether we want to volunteer or not, we’re just expected to do it because he’s her son and I’m the partner.
Last year, all we did was stand in a corner for 6 hours holding a sign. That’s it. His parents consistently complain they never have enough volunteers but each year they end up having so many that my partner and I just get stuck doing something super small.
We haven’t put up any sort of fight against being a part of this because we’re happy to try and help. However, my partner just got physically sick and texted his mother asking if it’d be reasonable for us to go home so he doesn’t get anyone else sick and so he can rest. His mother didn’t answer his text for about 20 minutes, so he called her instead.
She picked up the phone, said “you need to tough it out” and then hung up. This also means she clearly read the text he sent and chose to ignore it.
I understand that there’s a lot of pressure on her to be in charge of the volunteers, but she never asks if we even want to participate and now won’t let us leave despite my partner being sick.
So, would we be the jerks for leaving anyway?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, even at a job you get paid for you usually aren’t expected to come to work when you’re ill. She’s expecting you to put in all the extra effort for nothing in return?
Skip out, what is she going to do? You’re just volunteers – that means you’re supposed to be willingly volunteering your time. From your side. What it doesn’t mean is stealing time from people you know just because you feel that they owe you something for being in your life.
You don’t owe them your time, especially when you need it more so that your partner can actually get better.” Quiet_Serve_5452
Another User Comments:
“Leave. NTJ. He is sick and it’s not fair to anyone. Also, you don’t have to volunteer. If you do it, it’s because you want to support your partner’s mom’s activities.
Sometimes we do things for family because it’s what family does… sometimes you decide not to. You get to decide if you are busy. However, your partner has to separately make that decision. If he skips the event with you, great, he can communicate this to his mom.
This is his boundary, not yours, so stay out of it. If you decide not to go, and he is going, you or he can let her know far in advance that you won’t be attending.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just leave immediately if your partner doesn’t feel too good.
“Tough it out” is not a great way to go about when there is illness around, for goodness sake. She can’t force you to volunteer whatever she wants you and your partner when you both don’t want to. Then don’t. Don’t go and volunteer. Just stay put.
If she gets upset, let her. She’ll get over it. If she asks why you both don’t want to volunteer, explain your reasons…..partner being sick for example, and whatever. She has to figure out how to get more volunteers on her own since she volunteers herself to round up the volunteers and helps out.
It’s her duty, not yours. Say NO…NO means NO.” MischievousBish
16. AITJ For Accepting Financial Support From My Husband While Planning To Divorce Him?
“I’m having a moral conflict right now. I’m going to divorce my husband of 5 years but because of my situation and how he is, I haven’t told him.
He knows that I’m distant but he doesn’t think I’m going to leave him.
He has provided financial support for our daughter and me since I stopped working. I had to stop when I became pregnant because I got so sick and he didn’t really want me to work anymore since he makes enough to provide for all of us.
Since then I started nursing school and have been a stay-at-home mom.
Beforehand I was a full-time college student with two jobs and took care of myself and my family. When I met him he said that he wanted to take care of me which he has and still is.
He bought me a car after we had the baby, bought us a house, and is paying for everything. He enjoys it but now I see it’s a control thing because every time I try to leave him, he throws all of this in my face.
Now that I know I’m leaving for good I’m saving for 6 months to a year. I would’ve graduated from nursing school by then so I could start my career and get my own apartment for me and my child. I don’t want to seem like I’ve used him when I leave but I don’t know what else to do but get a job and save every penny I make.
I can’t move in with family because no one knows yet plus they aren’t supportive. Everybody wants me to try to work it out because he’s a “hard-working man who provides” and he just has flaws but I can’t. The one friend I told said that he owes me for what he put me through.
I feel like no amount of money could make up for what he did.
Am I wrong for continuing to accept financial support from him while I get myself together? If I didn’t have my daughter I would leave with nothing. I’ve been homeless before but I refuse to do that to my baby.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. He didn’t want you to work, he wanted to support you and your child. These things on their own don’t necessarily make him the jerk if that worked for the both of you, but it does guarantee that you have no financial freedom to leave, should you choose.
The fact that he throws this back in your face to stop you from leaving makes it very clear that this is financial abuse. It’s a manipulation and coercion tactic, and I’m glad you can see this. He’s trying to trap you, and you will never be the jerk for doing what you need to to stay safe and get out.
He may not be abusive in a stereotypical way yet, but abuse is an escalating cycle, and you deserve your freedom and safety.” sr9876
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – He encouraged you to stop working, otherwise you would have savings and a career to fall back on already.
Once someone starts abusing you, even if it’s not physical abuse, you get to do whatever you need to do to get yourself safely out of the situation. Make sure you have an emergency plan though, he may get more volatile as you get closer to completing your degree because he knows that will mean you have an escape route.
Look into emergency shelters in your area for women and children. Make sure you have copies of important documents for you and your daughter in a safe place (with a friend, in a safety deposit box). Figure out whether both of your names are on the car title and the house deed. Get copies of those if you can.
Look into whether your school has emergency grants to support students in case he pulls his financial support for your degree before you finish. Make sure you write down important phone numbers and other information that you would normally keep in your phone and keep that somewhere safe.
Look into what you would need to do to get a temporary restraining order in case that becomes necessary.” Forward_Squirrel8879
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, technically whatever you save and leave with is half his (in most states) so all you’re doing is moving around pieces on the same chess board.
The court decides the equitable split and spousal support in the end and they’ll factor in what you left with in that calculation – IE you left with 5,000 of the 10,000 joint savings account then they’d consider the savings to have been split and settled already.
Not exactly the split percentages – just a hypothetical example. You definitely want to consult a lawyer about all of this, particularly custody of the child – you can’t just run off with his child and refuse him access unless you’ve taken the proper legal steps beforehand.” MikeDaRucki
15. AITJ For Selling The Car My Sister Gifted Me And Not Sharing The Profits?
“My sister bought a car in high school. Not fancy or new, just a normal high schooler’s first car.
A year or two later, she was in a car accident (a different vehicle) and got a large payout from the insurance company. She decided to use that money to buy a brand-new vehicle and give us her old car as a gift. She said she didn’t care if we wanted to cut it up and use it as a Figure 8 car, drive it, use it as a backup, whatever.
We’ve had the car for over a year, maybe even close to two years, but we only used it once or twice before it broke down and wouldn’t run. It sat in our driveway long enough that the police had started to consider it a junk car and told us to move it or have it towed.
We’ve been behind on bills for a while and it feels like we can’t keep up no matter how hard we try. So, even though we still want the car as a backup vehicle, we’ve decided to sell it so we can catch up.
Over the past few months, we got it running, bought new parts, cleaned it out, and then listed it for sale this morning.
A few hours later, my dad told me that my sister is upset that I’m selling the car. She hadn’t ever said she wanted it back or anything, has a brand new car, and we’ve had it for probably almost as long as she had it, so we’re not selling something she had just given us.
I honestly couldn’t figure out why it would upset her that we were selling it. But it’s because she feels like it’s unfair that we’re the ones who are going to get the money for selling it when we got it for free.
Later, my mom texted me and asked if I’d consider giving my sister half of what we make off selling it.
As appreciative as we are for the gift, we didn’t think we “owed” her anything for it. I think it’s unfair for her to ask for half.
She didn’t care about the car yesterday before I listed it, but now she thinks she deserves half of what we sell it for.
She honestly couldn’t have cared less if we cut it up, crashed it, or left it there to rot, but now that money is involved, she wants a cut.
I don’t know if it’s selfish to keep all of it and I’m the jerk or if it’s reasonable to want to keep the money we will make from our decision to fix up and sell the car that has belonged to us for years.
(The car was transferred to our name when it was gifted to us and is legally ours.)
Am I the jerk??”
Another User Comments:
“She gifted it to you and it’s not like you went off and immediately sold it to make some easy funds.
You genuinely need the money. If your sister wanted a cut of the money if you ever sold it she should have set conditions when she gifted it to you, not a long time after. I understand your sister is feeling salty for missing out on the money but if she really wanted or needed the money she should have sold the car instead of giving it away.
You’re free to do whatever it is you desire with your car. So yeah I’d say.. NTJ.” RavenRain_
Another User Comments:
“You’re right that it’s not fair, but I think you should actually talk to your sister about this. Right now you’ve only heard second-hand reports of what she’s said from your parents.
She’s obviously not a nasty person, as she gave you the car for free in the first place. See if maybe she’s also financially struggling. You’re under no obligation to give her anything but I think it would be good for you to hear each other’s perspective directly before you get all mad about it.
NTJ, for now.” Ok_Yogurtcloset8915
Another User Comments:
“She gave you the car and told you to do whatever you wanted with it. You kept it for a long time, even after it broke and she never wanted it back but NOW, after you cleaned it up and fixed it, now she wants a cut?
Screw that and she and anyone telling you that her feelings are valid can pound sand. If you decide to give her anything you need to first recoup everything you put into the car(cleaning supplies, parts, your time) from her. Then, you can give her a part of the money.
Your sister is so entitled and your family is enabling her entitlement. This whole post makes me see red. You’re trying to get a little money out of this and suddenly she’s there with her hand out. NTJ.” uwishuhad1
14. AITJ For Being Cold To My Stepmom, Her Family, And My Half-Sister?
“My (15M) sister Lacey (3F) was born after my dad was unfaithful to my Pa (other dad) with my now stepmom Claire.
My dads ended up divorced and my dad moved in with my stepmom while my brother Paul (15M) and I stayed with Pa.
Our dad has tried to stay in our lives as much as possible and he tries to get us to get to know Claire and Lacey.
I’d only spend time with him alone because I couldn’t stand being around her after she tore apart our family though Paul decided to let Claire and Lacey into his life and he enjoys spending time with them. My dad and Claire are getting married Saturday and we had a rehearsal with her family yesterday.
I hated being there and I only went to make my dad happy. Claire or her family would come up and talk to me and I’d completely ignore them or barely talk to them and I wouldn’t play with or watch Lacey. Paul and his partner came to talk to me at one point and said I was being a jerk and that I should be happy for Dad and that maybe if I wasn’t being so cold to them I’d probably like them.
I retorted back that she’s the reason our dad’s marriage fell apart and the reason Pa spent nights crying. He just says that’s the past and I should move on. I asked my partner about it and she said I have every right to feel the way I do and that Paul and his partner were wrong.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have a right to your feelings. If you want to continue to see your dad alone, do so. If not, don’t. You’re old enough to voice your feelings. As for future step-mom, not her fault, unless she knew your dad was married/in a relationship.
Then yeah she does deserve some blame. 3F is innocent, but I understand not wanting a relationship with her. Be firm in your choices, and tell your dad to stop trying to push her on you, and guilt you. I understand you’re not trying to be mean to a child, but the adults in your life are trying to use her age to guilt you into what THEY WANT.” mmj1990
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Maybe you should refrain from going to this wedding. I know you wanted to try to make your dad happy but I don’t believe it’s necessary for you to push yourself in that way. I wouldn’t be able to be nice to the “homewrecker” and her progeny either in your shoes.
And Lacey isn’t at fault here so if you can’t be nice to her, it’s better to remove yourself from the situation entirely. You went to the rehearsal so you did try to be there for your dad but his new SO is expecting way too much of you and you don’t need to be in that situation at all.
Your brother doesn’t get to determine your feelings at all, and I agree with your partner.” jammy913
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ for being cold to them and feeling how you feel. But it might be for the best if you skip the wedding, or watch the ceremony and leave straight after, skip the reception.
Because it sounds like you don’t really want to be there anyway because it’s so hard for you. And if you’re there then it’s just going to be a whole day of people coming up to you and telling you you’re being selfish for not putting on a happy face.
And to be fair anyone saying that to you on the actual wedding day won’t be wrong, it’s not fair to the couple getting married to have a guest that is visibly unhappy with this marriage taking place in all the pictures, bringing down the vibe for everyone else.
And it won’t matter that you have a valid reason for being upset this wedding is happening, when that’s how you feel the mature thing to do in these situations is not attend or only attend for the ceremony and leave straight after.” excel_pager_420
13. AITJ For Blocking My Credit Card After My Pregnant Wife Overspent?
“My (F) wife Lily (F) and I are expecting our first baby. Because of things in the past, Lily quit her job after 3 months of pregnancy so she wouldn’t be stressed (she works as a nurse).
She is currently 7 months pregnant.
This cut in income didn’t affect us that much, because I’m a salesperson and I was on a good sales wave, so my commission was surpassing my salary. So I could afford to keep the house, buy the baby’s stuff, and keep some money.
2 months ago, I got into a car accident and I was out of work for almost 1.5 months. This put us in a bit of a tight spot as I got my regular salary but no commission. So what the salary didn’t pay, was removed from what we keep for emergencies.
This extra would be basic things for the baby, my medicine, and my physiotherapy.
I went back 2 weeks ago and I’m a little slow as I can’t drive for a long time yet and my sales job requires a lot of travel. I can work in the cities closer and I know it will affect my salary because I can only return to normal driving in a month to two months.
The baby’s things are almost all ready, it’s just a short time to finish everything because we took advantage of almost everything in 4 months.
The situation:
1 week ago, I got home and there were several deliveries on the table, Lily had bought several things (toys, baby clothes).
And the purchase was expensive. I talked to her and said that now was not the best time to make these purchases and she agreed.
I’m usually not aware of card purchases (I know I need to change that).
Yesterday, I received a notification, and out of curiosity I went to see, it was a purchase so much more expensive than the previous one (in just one purchase, in the previous one there were several purchases that resulted in a high total).
I didn’t know if it would continue, so I blocked the card until I got home to talk to her. When I got to talk to her I said that I would keep the card blocked because the purchases were going far beyond what we could pay (even in installments) and that I would give the money for other things, but the card we would have to talk before she made the next purchase for the baby.
She wasn’t happy and said that I was taking advantage of the situation as the only income earner and that she gave up her financial freedom because of the pregnancy.
She’s still mad at me for keeping her credit card blocked and I feel bad about what she said.
AITJ?
Extra: The things she bought would be for when the baby is a little older and the clothes were all 6M-12M. She doesn’t have a credit card, only me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It wouldn’t be unreasonable for her to be given a budgeted amount so she could retain some financial freedom, but it’s still you who is providing financially for all three of you at the moment.
If she isn’t working, it’s not fair for her to wrack up large amounts of debt when you are the only one who could potentially make the monthly payments to avoid damaging credit.” RemarkablePumpkin695
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Babies honestly need very little initially and it’s smart to buy some things as you go and as you need. It seems like your wife is really nesting and is keen to just buy all these things for your baby.
That’s a normal feeling to have. However, it should still be within your means. Is there a spending budget you can agree to in the interim that’ll satisfy her need to nest as well as not break the bank?” FigIcy3167
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here.
I think how she feels is valid (she’s financially dependent on you & you did cut off her money supply). However, I agree with you that her spending habits aren’t the most responsible. I think the best way about it is to sit down with her and go over the finances.
Let her know when you think she can start getting the nonessential things she needs for the baby & what the budget will be. Go over cheaper options of the things she needs.” tarotgirl__
12. AITJ For Telling My Wife To Mind Her Business About Our Babysitter's Gender Identity?
“I, 36M, have a family friend, Atlas (16NB). I’m not extremely educated on identities, but they identify as genderfluid and use any pronouns. Atlas happens to be pretty masc presenting and can very easily pass as a cis guy, which they do most of the time.
Recently my wife has been getting overwhelmed with our 3 children, Alice, 14F, and two boys under 6. Atlas does babysitting occasionally so I asked them for help to which they agreed.
The problem came when Alice started talking a lot about Atlas. She’s a very chatty girl and gets along well with Atlas and my wife noticed that she was frequently using ‘them’ and stuff for Atlas.
My wife isn’t homophobic, but this took her by surprise. After Alice went to bed my wife asked me why I hadn’t told her about Atlas’ ‘situation’. It had just slipped my mind honestly, Atlas uses all pronouns, and I usually use he or they, cause they’re easier to remember.
I explained this and told her it wasn’t a big deal, and none of our business as they’re not our kid.
My wife was very upset about this, saying that Atlas was our babysitter, it absolutely was our business and she wanted to know how this whole thing worked, I thought she meant as in what their identity was, preferred pronouns, etc. But she started asking a lot of extremely personal questions about Atlas’ medical history, what they were born as, and a few other things.
I was taken by surprise, as Atlas is a kid and I didn’t think some of these questions were appropriate, I snapped and told her to ‘mind her business, Jesus’, and I admit I said so pretty strongly, which upset her. She called me a jerk and said I didn’t need to react that angrily, she was just curious and that I’d looked at her like she was disgusting.
I tried to backtrack but she left. I get that I reacted pretty strongly, and I do regret that, but am I really the jerk? Atlas is 16, and I really didn’t think any of those questions were her business, or appropriate. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Most definitely NTJ. Asking about preferred pronouns = appropriate and kind. Asking about details of transition, etc = massive invasion of privacy, none of anyone’s business, and super weird that she thinks she is entitled to the information or that it’s ever appropriate to ask for this information.
I have absolutely no idea why people feel entitled to information about anyone else’s s****l identity, medical history, or gender identity (aside from what the person chooses to disclose/share to ensure their gender identity is respected). This would be inappropriate information to request of anyone, but ESPECIALLY a child!
Your wife needs a crash course in transphobia immediately. Frankly, she was being disgusting and disrespectful of a child. She deserved to feel the shame she obviously felt based on your response. Your response was absolutely appropriate, as I’m sure you were shocked at her bigotry.” Ok_Expression7723
Another User Comments:
“NTJ here that kid is 16 and I honestly think your thought process was protective in nature for a kid you appreciate. I’d have had a similar knee-jerk reaction too. Your wife needs to push those breaks hard and fast right now, from your post you tried discussion and didn’t lose your cool until the lines were crossed. Having a discussion about gender identity is fine and good, what kinds of questions to ask, how to ask, when etc. Your wife wasn’t having a discussion.
She was being an insensitive jerk. Her business extends to, are my kids cared for and are they evil… that’s it. None of which has anything to do with what’s in their pants. Just like at the coffee shop her business extends to is her coffee good/made well.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Those questions would be inappropriate no matter how the individual self-identifies (cis, trans/nb, unlabeled gender, etc.) The issue is quite clear here: Even if your wife is an ally, in her mind she is still “othering” trans people. Sure, we can chop these questions up as being mere curiosity.
But would she ask these questions if she thought the person was cis? No, obviously not, seeing as she only started hounding you about them after discovering Atlas goes by all pronouns. This might be an even worse conversation for you, as it may affect your relationship with Atlas, but please tell them to mentally prepare for your wife to hound them to answer instead.
You might lose a babysitter from this, but I’d rather — as I’m sure you’d rather as well — Atlas not need to deal with any of those questions (especially since they’re a minor.) If/when you do have this conversation, inform Atlas that their body is theirs, and they do not need to — should NOT, more appropriately speaking — answer any questions outside of “what are your pronouns?” Anything beyond that is invasive and should not be answered.” creatyvechaos
11. AITJ For Expecting Full Compensation After A Child Ruined My Phone?
“This holiday weekend I was sitting by our community pool, minding my own business. A 4 yo autistic child ran by and threw my relatively new phone into the pool (6 months old).
His mother jumped in and got it immediately. She apologized and told me “Sorry! He’s autistic. I’ll make this right.”
I dried it in rice for 2 days (yes, I know, it doesn’t really work). It turned on but the screen was dark and flickering. The cameras were all fogged with water.
I took the phone to my local phone store and was told they couldn’t fix it. They were able to set me up with a new phone and give me a credit towards the new phone ( I still owed $330). Ended up paying $280 all said and done for a new phone with a case and screen protector.
Sent the bill to the mother (she said she’d make things right, right?). She told me that she would only pay $60 because that’s what my phone would cost used online.
I told her this wasn’t acceptable, I could have bought the $60 phone but would still owe $330 for the phone her child ruined as well as a setup fee for the “new” phone.
This would put me at about $420! I explained this to her but no joy because she’s “a single mother of 2.”
Am I the jerk for expecting this woman to “make it right”? I didn’t ask for what I could have or even what I would have needed had I bought that phone online and had to pay off the phone her son ruined.”
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. My oldest is on the spectrum and if he destroyed anything belonging to anyone we replaced it with the same thing it was. She doesn’t need to pay for your new case and screen protector but she does need to pay for the full replacement.
Small claims court will take care of this if she’s unwilling to pay up. Keep all contact in writing (text/email) so you have proof of everything she says or offers too.” Conscious-Survey7009
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You aren’t a jerk for expecting the mother to make it right, but I wonder if you are seeing things clearly.
Think of it like a car. If your car is worth $10k and you owe $13k on it and somebody totals it, their insurance would pay you $10k, not $13k. The fact that you are upside down on the car is irrelevant to its replacement value.
If you owed nothing, would you expect nothing in compensation? This phone situation is no different. Prior to the incident, you had a used phone with a debt attached. If you bought an exact replacement and she reimbursed you ($60+ the fee for replacing it with your provider for switching them out), then you would be exactly where you started. That is making you whole.
That’s not what you did. You made a conscious choice to upgrade to a newer phone. This isn’t making you whole, it’s improving on your situation. Take it back to the car scenario. If you totaled my 2014 Altima with 150k miles on it, you owe me a 2014 Altima with 150k miles, not a 2023 Altima with 0 miles.
Another matter to consider is the following. She’s a single mother with an autistic child. Life’s hard enough for her. While her problems aren’t your problems, you shouldn’t be trying to profit off of her child’s actions, which is what you are doing.” EnvironmentalCut8067
Another User Comments:
“Yesterday my son wanted to wash the monitor of my friend’s baby phone. It was meant as a nice gesture but nevertheless, the thing is broken. An you know what I do? I replace it. Lucky for me I have liability insurance which will cover this.
But there is no scenario in which this wouldn’t be on me. My friend was changing the diaper of her son, I was doing some dishes and while I needed to use the toilet my son wanted to help and the thing was standing around… When you’re a parent you have to expect this kind of thing to happen.
You can’t watch or control your offspring every second. Accidents happen. But that doesn’t get you out of responsibility. NTJ. The single mother of two has to replace this and if I were you I’d threaten to push charges.” Evil_Librarian999
10. AITJ For Telling My Troubled Younger Brother That Nobody Wants To Be Around Him?
“My brother (m16) and I (f18) get into fights a lot over stupid things (chores, food, pets, etc) but it’s getting worse.
My brother got into trouble a couple of months ago. He’s been getting into trouble since the beginning of the school year for things like smoking and drinking. I felt bad for him, we live in a small redneck town, so while he deserved to get in trouble, he doesn’t deserve the hostility he gets from our parents.
The latest one was him getting caught drinking with his friend in the house.
His punishment was harsh, all of his privileges were taken away, banned from the upstairs, no door, and they took his truck and debit card away. I get being angry, but since he was grounded, he’s become more rude to the point that he’s almost bullying me and actively trying to get me in trouble.
When it first started, I would avoid him. When I’m forced to be around him, he says mean things for no reason. My parents made a rule that they refuse to get involved in our fights, so they don’t do anything. When I bring it up to my mom, she says that he thinks I don’t like him, or I don’t want a relationship, so he’s lashing out.
He’s telling me that I have no work ethic, I’m lazy and will never get anywhere in life, that I spend money stupidly, I eat out so much I’m going to get fat, that my college major is stupid and I’m going to bum off people when I end up dropping out.
Worse, he’s started insulting my s*******y. During pride, I went to a small event and he insulted me the entire day, telling me I look stupid, I look chubby in my skirt, and that I need to change shirts because I’m too pale for a crop top.
Whenever I react to anything he says, he just calls me sensitive and overdramatic, which I know he’s just repeating since that’s what our parents say when I get into a fight with one of them.
I’m a confrontational and prideful person, so I can’t let what he says go, but I’m tired of arguing and I don’t want to talk to him anymore, so I walk away, but he’s started cornering me.
Our doors don’t have locks, so if I go to my room, he opens the door and stands in the doorway. If I go upstairs, he corners me there because my parents aren’t taking their punishments as seriously since it’s been two months. I’ve tried going to my car, but if I stay home he stands outside of it.
If I leave, he tells my mom and she calls and yells at me to get home.
Eventually, I snapped and told him he’s acting like a jerk and this is why nobody wants to be around him, which doesn’t sound bad, but he’s been struggling with friends since he started high school.
He called me a mean name and told my mom what I said. She yelled at me about how I’m going to ruin my relationship with him and if I want him to stop, I can ignore it until I leave for college. I know that I didn’t need to say what I did, that I did it because I know it hurts him, but after his behavior, a part of me thinks it’s true, and that my reaction is warranted. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – what does your mother expect you to do? Be perfect all the time and never get angry when people are insulting you? NTJ NTJ NTJ. You’ve tried everything except actually physically hurting him (which, no, don’t do that, it makes things worse for everyone involved) your action was entirely warranted and I believe it would be best if you cut him out of your life because you don’t need a brother like that.
Let him sort out his issues on his own it’s not your problem to try and fix what his parents did to him. Also btw your parents are major jerks.” Cranberr3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Yes teenagers do act out and he’s going through his own stuff, but that doesn’t mean it’s ok for him to harass you and insult you.
If he wants to say all those hurtful things about you, he has to face consequences for how he hurt you, and you’re allowed to stand up for yourself against him. If he keeps going like this, he’s going to do some serious damage to your relationship and I wouldn’t fault you for not wanting to have a relationship with him.
Also, it seems like your parents don’t really care much for your perspective of things and are mostly taking his side in conflicts.” cautionsignal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. At all. Your parents are in absolute denial of the abuse he is perpetrating upon you. They are allowing your brother to abuse you.
It’s the golden boy syndrome. The short answer, you’ve got to get out of there. Your parents are supposed to be your arbiters of reason, stability, and fairness. They are not parenting your brother. And allowing him to run free. Is there anywhere you can go?
You mentioned a grandmother? Or a friend? Apparently, you’re going to college soon. That’s a good thing. This is gonna sound extreme. And unwarranted. And it might not solve anything in the long term. If there really comes a point where you’re absolutely threatened or if there’s actual physical violence done to you, call the police.
For real. You don’t feel safe in your own home.” Capital-Western8687
9. AITJ For Telling My Grieving Sister Her Request For Hospital Keepsakes Is Ridiculous?
“My brother-in-law, my sister’s husband (34) passed away 3 days ago. He spent weeks at the hospital for heart issues and passed away expectedly. We are all so very devastated as he left behind their 5yo, 9yo, and 2yo.
My sister is a complete mess, she hasn’t eaten or slept for days.
She’s agitated fighting with everyone including the hospital demanding they let her have the equipment or tools they used on her husband as “keepsakes,” tools like cannulas, syringes, sheets, suction devices, etc. not the big ones though just the disposable ones. She’s been fighting with the hospital about it and got my dad involved.
This morning I saw her wanting to go there and attempt to get her “keepsakes.” That’s when I suggested she stop because what she’s doing is not ok. She said it was none of my concern but I replied calling her ridiculous to expect the hospital to bend over to her ridiculous demands and suggested she stop this and focus on her kids.
She went off on me in front of family calling me names saying I don’t get it and never will. She then said it was none of my business and rushed out. My mom said I shouldn’t have poked her and I better apologize if I wanted to be allowed at the funeral. I might have spoken out of turn but I find this a weird hill for her to die on.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Look. Here’s the thing. You’re right. But sometimes, we need to make a decision. “Do I want to be right, or liked?” Your brother-in-law, whom your sister had three kids with, and who she was in love with for at least a decade, passed away THREE DAYS AGO.
She’s not in her right mind. You know it, I know it, the American people know it. She is ridiculous for wanting to keep medical tools. But could you maybe, I don’t know, have phrased it nicer? Have put more focus on the ‘taking care of the kids’ part?
Anything? “Hey, I know you want them but the hospital is going to keep fighting you on it. You need to focus on helping your kids through this now and worry about that part later.” And ideally, when later comes, she’ll realize how ridiculous it all was.
Technically, everyone here sucks. But since one of those people is dealing with a traumatic loss, sleep deprivation, and three grieving children under 10, and one is not, I have to vote YTJ.” NotTwitchy
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for using the word ‘ridiculous’. She’s just bereaved and you’re on here with this?
C’mon, do better. I can’t imagine how out of my mind with grief I would be, even telling her to ‘focus on the kids’ isn’t helpful, she likely can’t focus on much of anything. When my sister’s husband died unexpectedly, my only comment was ‘tell me what to do, what you need, I’ll be there’ and helped by bringing the kids small, easy activities, breaking down/preserving all of the food people brought, taking care of the things which kept her family going (laundry, etc).
Apologize, appreciate the fact that you can’t possibly know what she’s going through, and ask what she needs.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“If it’s been three days, there’s nothing left of anything “disposable” they might have used for her husband. That stuff was gone almost as soon as he was.
That room has been stripped, sterilized, and probably has a new patient in it. And they’re definitely not going to just gift her any sort of unused or reusable medical equipment. Also, as someone who has spent literal weeks in a hospital, I would be horrified and appalled if my husband ever wanted those things as “keepsakes;” I would never want those things brought home or for anyone to remind themselves of that version of me.
/shudders/ NTJ.” rapheALtoid
8. AITJ For Not Switching Seats On A Train After A Long Work Shift?
“I have been working over hours for weeks to cover for my coworkers’ vacations. I just finished a double shift and now it’s my turn.
I booked a train ticket on an international train to go on vacation. I did so weeks in advance so I could immediately get my butt out of there after work.
So I get to the station, huge tracking backpack strapped to me and additional hand luggage.
Go through the hassle of security and border control, and after 1.5 hr I finally board the train. Coach 11, seat 35, bingo. Get the behemoth off my back and into the luggage rack, then make it to my seat.
The lady in seat 36 (window seat, mine is aisle) immediately asks me if I want to switch seats with her friend so they can sit together.
I said sure, where is she? She is on the literal other end of the train, and it’s a long one. So I reply that I’m sorry, it’s a long drag through narrow aisles with a huge backpack. I don’t want to go knocking people in the head or anything like that.
What I didn’t say is that I don’t want to drag that backpack around for an inch more than absolutely necessary. She, obviously annoyed, replies that she understands if I don’t want to if it’s such a hassle and rolls her eyes with a huge sigh.
Well, it wouldn’t physically hurt me in any way but heavens she hasn’t seen the size of my backpack. Plus, I’m fairly sure they could have changed their assigned seats to sit together. But I don’t like it when people are upset with me, especially if I have to sit next to them for 4 hours.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That’s your assigned seat and, yes, not wanting to carry an oversized backpack through an entire train is a completely legitimate reason not to swap. I feel like you added a lot of extra info to your post to try and justify not being bothered to move.
Don’t stress. You don’t need to be apologetic. You did nothing wrong.” CappyBird
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She asked (as is her right) and you said no (as is your right), even explaining your valid reasoning when you didn’t have to. It could have ended there and you both could have had a relaxing ride but she decided to be snarky (trying to guilt/make you uncomfortable enough to move?) and make the trip awkward.
She’s the jerk.” LavishnessGeneral
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sorry, but the other end of the train?! Even moving through a fully moving train without luggage is no fun but with… And just think you come to the “friend” and they say it was a TikTok prank.
I mean, do you have proof of this friend? And seems like the person next to the friend also didn’t want to change seats. The woman survives without sitting next to her friend. I’m always happy if I and my significant other find places to sit in crowded trains.” EvilFinch
7. AITJ For Calling Out My Coworker's Hypocrisy And Getting Them In Trouble?
“I work at a store that rhymes with mal-mart. I am 18 and the coworker I’m talking about is in their 50s.
At my store, and more specifically my department, there’s a handful of people who decide to stop working 30 minutes to 1 hour before their shift actually ends.
They hide in the breakroom and none of the managers seem to notice. This has been going on since before I started working there 7 months ago.
This day was a particularly bad one for me as final exams have started and I’m not getting enough sleep due to work and studying.
Needless to say, I am cranky but try to keep it on the down low.
I walked into my coworker going off about how my generation is so lazy and how we need to work harder so we never get behind. Everyone was just kinda ignoring them.
I was unloading my cart when my coworker started looking around for someone to aim their rant to when they looked at me.
I was finally too annoyed to care and just said, “You call us lazy, but aren’t you the one who stops working an hour before your shift ends and hides in the backroom?”
I didn’t realize that my manager had walked in because my back was to the door but they just walked past to get to the computer. I assumed my manager didn’t hear what I said and just went on with my job.
A few hours later, I caught a glimpse of my manager talking to my coworker.
Then the day after that they cornered me in the backroom saying that I got them in trouble. Apparently, my manager had heard what I said and checked the cameras not too long after to see if what I said was true and it was.
My coworker is angry at me. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your co-worker was committing time theft, and as such, really should have kept their own mouth shut. Breaking workplace rules like that comes with risks, and as such, if they get in trouble, it’s on them.
It also sounds like they committed harassment by cornering you in the backroom to complain, and you might want to consider reporting that as well.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for clapping back at your coworker. He was looking for it. The fact that the manager happened to be there isn’t your problem.
But YTJ for using the phrase “time theft.” That’s management nonsense. I guarantee you that the company is stealing from you and exploiting you in a thousand little ways every day. They’re doing the same to all of you. Your coworkers getting a little back, imo, is fair game.
And here you are talking like management. Time theft my butt.” AGoodFaceForRadio
Another User Comments:
“Oh, honey! Welcome to the world’s greatest adventure: Working Retail!!! Especially at WallyWorld. Been there, done that. You’re young, and possibly still believe in ideals like doing the job you’re paid to do and reasonable politeness.
They’ll get that out of you pretty fast. Here’s how it works; when someone is out, you do their job on top of your own; two jobs, one paycheck. They’ll fire you for taking a pencil you actually need for your job, while they crush thousands of dollars of merchandise in the trash compactor and write it off.
They get tax breaks to build, then create starvation wages, no full-time, no benefits jobs, and treat their employees as disposable as toilet paper. Just keep your head down, try to get along, and don’t believe in the hype they spout; nobody follows the regs, almost nobody cares and management is just looking for their “Golden Parachute”, they don’t care about anything except their own stats.
NTJ, just naive.” ButterscotchOk7516
6. AITJ For Not Wanting To Invite My Toxic Mother To My Wedding?
“Let me start off by saying that I (29F) had a tough upbringing. From abusive parents/step-parents to growing up in foster care.
My mother isn’t the greatest person in the world. She wasn’t meant to have kids to put it bluntly. She has always tried to make my and my siblings’ lives miserable. She has tried to break up my sister and brother-in-law on multiple occasions. She even ruined my daughter’s birth by lying and saying that my then-husband (now divorced) was hitting on her while I was in labor.
She has ruined many other life events.
I haven’t spoken to her since last summer when she ruined my aunt’s funeral by trying to make it all about her. My fiancé and I are starting to plan our wedding for next year and he thinks that I should invite her.
I really do not want to. I have had too many bad experiences with her ruining events and I don’t want her ruining my wedding. My fiancé does not understand why I don’t want her there even though I have given him examples. He just thinks I should invite her because she is my “mother”.
I just want our wedding to go perfectly, and I don’t trust her enough to believe that she won’t do anything to ruin the day. I’m just looking for opinions on this. Some of my family thinks I should invite her and some agree with me.
AITJ for not wanting to invite her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. B***d doesn’t make family and this woman is definitely not your “mother”. I assume your fiancé’s family is different from yours? That’s why he cannot understand that “mother” means nothing. I won’t invite my parents to my wedding too.
It’s a day about love and happiness. Both are alien to my parents. I have no good advice on how to talk to your fiancé again. But don’t let this woman ruin your day.” wolkenschloss13
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ for not wanting to invite her.
Are you sure we don’t have the same mother? Simply put, your fiancé is naive. If I were getting married, I would not even inform her I was getting married, much less invite her to the wedding. You do not have to justify this to anyone, including your fiancé.
DO…NOT…INVITE…HER! If you do, she WILL make your wedding about HER and she WILL find some way to ruin it. She is NOT to be trusted because she has done NOTHING to earn your trust. Your fiancé needs to be supportive of your decisions.
If he isn’t, you might have to rethink this because this decision is IMPORTANT. Also, this is none of your family’s business. They don’t get a vote. If you invite her, this WILL be one of the WORST decisions of your life. I can almost guarantee it!” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and your fiance needs to stay in his lane. He gets zero say in how you choose to interact with your abusive mother. Her being your mother means absolutely nothing, she doesn’t get a free pass. My husband didn’t get it at first either.
He even tried to pull that whole “devil’s advocate” thing over the abuse and I told him very bluntly “NO. Are you on my side or their side? There’s no excuse for what they did, and if you try to argue otherwise I’m done.” He said “you’re right, I just felt bad for them” and I said “Feel bad for me, for what they did to me.
Not for them because their feelings are hurt that they’re suffering the consequences of their actions.” And he was like “excellent point, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to minimize what they did” and he never did it again. I absolutely, 10000%, would’ve left him if he’d said so much as one more word in defense of those jerks.” ArtemisStrange
5. AITJ For Telling My Friend Her Partner Won't Marry Her?
“My friend is seeing my fiancé’s friend. They’ve been together for a year and she’s already talking about marriage.
She said he’s made loads of promises about where they’ll live, how many children they’ll have, and how she’ll be living like a princess once they get married. It’s the only thing she likes to talk about and I feel sad for her because I know they’re all empty promises.
Recently we had dinner together and she brought up how he was going to propose to her any day now. I asked her if she was sure and she kept insisting she had a gut feeling. I tried to gently explain that I didn’t think he was going to propose and she shouldn’t get her hopes up but she got angry and told me I didn’t know anything and that he was going to marry her.
It turned into an argument and I told her his family wouldn’t let him marry a girl like her so he would never do it. That it’s well-known in their social circles that they can go out and have fun with whatever girl they want, as long as they marry the right type of girl.
I’ve seen it happen so many times with the men in these circles and they always marry the type of girl their family approves of in the end.
I understand what I said wasn’t the nicest thing to hear but I felt someone had to say it to her before she got hurt even worse later on.
She ended up telling me I was a jealous person before leaving and has been complaining about me to our mutual friends. She told her partner, who complained to my fiancé that I was trying to ruin his fun.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were trying to prevent her from being hurt but sadly sometimes people just don’t want to hear the truth.
This guy sounds like a creep. It would be one thing if they were both on the same page about this not being serious but the fact that (according to her) he is planning a future with her or acting like it anyway and saying you are ruining his fun shows that he is being two-faced. Sadly she will see the truth and come back and apologize to you.” Phoenix101982
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. This kind of weird social hierarchy “right people” crap is out of hand. I roll my eyes whenever someone talks about marriage a year into a relationship which is NOT enough time in most cases to know if you can build a life with a person.
So I think your friend’s weird little race to the finish line is… short-sighted. But you, the social clique, “those types of men” whatever you wanna call them, people who need approval from their family before marrying someone, this entire telenovela cast is a bunch of jerks.” echoCashMeOusside
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Because if this is true you should have told her about a year ago the type of jerk she was seeing. You also should have had this conversation in private and calmly, not as part of an argument. And you want to think long and hard about the type of person you are marrying if this is his social circle and he is remaining friends with someone like that.
There is nothing wrong with seeing someone with no future plans if that is what both agree to, but this type of behavior means that her partner and your fiance are in a social circle that normalizes lying to someone for a year or more.
This is also the type of mentality that normalizes mistresses are fine as long as they are a certain type of person, and you keep it mostly quiet.” glom4ever
4. AITJ For Surprising My Husband During His Work Trip?
“My husband went on a business trip to Paris. Before we had a baby I would go on trips with him or join him during the last few days but being in a hotel room with a toddler isn’t fun so I’ve been staying home.
My husband owns an apartment in Paris so I decided to surprise him since I was feeling lonely, I missed him and there would be no hotel room to worry about.
He didn’t go on the trip alone; his cousin and assistant were both also staying in the apartment.
When we got there, my husband was happy to see us but his cousin wasn’t. He kept complaining about how hard it would be for them to get any work done since we were distracting and he said I had ruined their fun.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ to the cousin absolutely because this is a work trip and you brought a toddler. It absolutely distracts. I bet they don’t do mindless tasks if they have to do their job in Paris. You messed with their work. Let’s say the work was in an office in your home town.
You surprise show up with a toddler in their work environment and cause a distraction. If it were just your hubby then NTJ. If it were just a vacation NTJ. If it was planned NTJ. You could have kept the cousin and assistant in the loop and still surprised your husband.
You surprised 3 people not just your husband. Jesus get some friends, get a support network. If you absolutely need to fly to surprise your hubby because you are super lonely or whatever be able to leave your kid with a trusted friend or family member.
By bringing the kid you disrupted the lives of others.” Financial_Resort6631
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ only because this was a work trip it wasn’t leisure. You should have just run it by your husband before you showed up. Maybe he would have said fine maybe he would have said not the best time but you 2 could have a leisure vacation after he returned. Unless he’s a jerk he’s not going to act anything but pleased to see his wife even if it strains his work environment.
I just realized you also took the child, I previously thought you went alone. Huge YTJ. 3 people staying in an apt to work and you show up with a kid to make it a vacation? Oh man zero self-awareness or consideration for your husband or his colleagues.” 1ovaryACTION
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It’s a fun idea to try to surprise your husband, but you completely ignored that you would also be “surprising” the cousin and the assistant. I don’t know what their job is, but if they have to do it in Paris they might need their time.
Plus I wouldn’t personally like it if suddenly a toddler showed up on plans that were meant for adults. Even just you going out of the blue isn’t entirely cool, but bringing a toddler to a workspace/work event is even worse. I know your intentions were good OP, but the next step is acknowledging that there are also other people that this might affect.” Supportiswelcome
3. AITJ For Snapping At My Husband When He Tries To Analyze My Pregnancy Complaints?
“I (26F) am pregnant with my first baby. My husband (27M) and I both work in tech and have the option to either work from the office or from home.
I decided to WFH because I hate the commute and wanted to be in my PJs and even he started working from home to help me around.
Recently I have been feeling very cranky and I have swollen feet and everything sort of hurts (just the usual pregnancy stuff) so I am a bit irate most of the time.
Had he not been home, I would have called my mom like I did before and she usually lets me talk it out or vent/complain and then we’d both get on with our lives. Now that hubby is home, he told me not to disturb my mom much (she lives in a different country with a 10.5H time difference) and to talk to him about everything.
Here is the thing, he has read SOOOOOOO MANY pregnancy books and research papers so far. So whenever I vent about my feet hurting, or me feeling nauseous around my fav food or any other thing, he tries to give the medical reason for why it happens and how much it’s common (like statistics).
Not that I don’t care about that, it’s just that when I am cranky I don’t feel like being taught to. I have mentioned this to him several times – earlier during my period when I had cramps and even recently and he says knowing the facts and reason is a good thing.
So yesterday when I was complaining to him about how forgetful I am getting these days, he started quoting his books and papers again. I snapped at him and told him to just listen to me when I am complaining or venting and that if I wanted to do a root cause analysis I had the means to do it myself.
He felt a bit bad and he told me he was trying to help me in the only way he knew how and he would stop doing that. When I told my mom about this she told me that I was the jerk for snapping at him.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Wow, you have an amazing spouse who is trying to assure you that all of your symptoms are normal. I think you need to tell your spouse that you talk to your mother because it’s a comfort, and that while you do love everything he is doing for you, and want to be an involved spouse and great father, you have a very great bond with your mother that helps you get through things that you can’t expect him to sympathize with or understand.
All he understands is what the books have told him because he will never be able to know what you’re feeling or experiencing, and that’s why you need to keep talking to your mother and explain to him that talking to your mother doesn’t take away from the bond you have with him and that you’re very happy that he wants to be involved in everything, but that he can’t expect himself to shoulder everything concerning you nor should he insist it be that way.
It’s the quickest way to burnout and he should be grateful that you have family that can help you in ways that he cannot. Assure him that it doesn’t lessen any love or bond you have with him. You should apologize for snapping, but explain that you need to talk to your mother for all the reasons above.” ferventlotus
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, not for the reason you’d expect. You’re upset because he wants to be involved and supportive, and want him not to be involved or supportive. Yes, he is doing a poor job at it in your opinion. And I’m aware you see it differently.
He will see it that way. You’re both talking past each other. He’s trying to either fix bad things or reassure you that it’s normal. You just want to vent. You want him to empathize with things sucking and just shut up for a sec.
You need to explain to him that he’s also acting in a completely natural manner. You appreciate what he’s doing. It’s just conflicting with your completely natural manner. Find a YouTube video on fixing vs venting. There’s a billion of them. Probably books too. He likes those, throw some at him (metaphorically speaking, ideally).
Don’t intentionally discourage your spouse from caring about you. If you succeed, you’ll win a divorce. If you fail, you’ll be unhappy because he’s annoying you. You both need to learn each other’s communication methods and try to deconflict them as much as possible. Neither of you is a bad person, just coming from different places.
This issue won’t stop after the kid is born.” ExcitingTabletop
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You wanted to vent and just express yourself. You weren’t trying to solve a math problem he’s been studying for. But you do need to explain better to him the kind of comfort you are looking for in those moments.
Men do not understand our hormonal emotions no matter how hard they try. You have to spell it out for them. “Hun, when I’m venting about feeling bad, the response I could really use in the moment is more of empathy rather than problem-solving.
I understand that this is something other women go through and I can compare my external experiences to theirs. But I need someone to listen to me about my internal experiences also. I don’t feel seen in this moment. You make me feel like JUST another pregnant woman who will add to the numbers and not the person you care about who is going through a stressful experience.
Please in these moments just hold me and tell me it will be alright. Ask me if I need a bath or a massage. I’m so thankful for the help you’ve been giving around the house. And I’m thankful for the knowledge you accumulated for my pregnancy and for our baby.
But I need to feel loved in these moments. And just reciting information from a book is not the form of compassion I need right now.”” MeowManna
2. AITJ For Charging More For Bridal Makeup Without Extra Services?
“I have been a makeup artist for the past 9 years. I charge $500 for bridal makeup, around 250 for bridesmaid, etc makeup but for regular party makeup, I charge around $150.
So a few weeks ago a lady had booked me for a party makeup on June 25th. She booked at 10 am. I went there thinking I’d do a regular party makeup. I had agreed $150 with her.
As I was there, there were some people coming over.
I assume relatives. At some point, it slips from a woman about the wedding and I realize the woman I’m doing the makeup on is the bride. I’m doing a bridal makeup charging for simple party makeup.
I was completely upset about how she lied about the occasion but I kept doing my job.
After we were finished, she gave me $150 and I notified her we were actually $350 short. She asked what I meant by that and I said that I did bridal makeup. You’re the bride. That’s what I charge for brides. She said we had agreed on a simple party makeup and that I am basically ripping her off because I worked the same amount of time and used the same products as I’d use in bridal makeup so the title of the event shouldn’t matter.
I told her she doesn’t get to dictate how I form my prices. She then refused to pay me at all and called me a scammer and told me to get out. Before I left her mom threw $200 in my face and told me to get lost.
I was telling what happened to my friends and they all sided with the bride and said that unless I used more expensive products and I did extra labor then I’m not justified in charging her more and since she requested party makeup I should just charge her that.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“She did not ask for bridal treatment and didn’t do a makeup test run. You used the same products you would use on a simple party makeup and attempted to upcharge her $350 for what exactly? Just because she’s the bride and you want to squeeze more money out of her?
If you used different products or it took way longer then sure I could see the upcharge. But you didn’t and it didn’t so yes YTJ.” mrsorzhova728
Another User Comments:
“YTJ there is such a markup on prices just because the word wedding is involved. It’s completely messed up.
Like I can either spend $1000 to hire a big marquee tent, or I spend $200 to buy the same darn marquee tent. If I get a cake made for a family event it’s a certain price, I mention wedding (same-sized cake, zero differences) prices at least double for no other reason than the word wedding being involved. Honestly, it’s so messed up that people charge so much more because the word wedding is involved.” Rich-Air-405
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Let me help you out with your business model, to charge 500$ for bridal you should be:
- providing a makeup trial/meeting prior to the event (often times bridal shower-like event where the bride wants makeup done too!)
- providing day of makeup for up to 60-90m
- providing complimentary lashes to accompany the look for BOTH days of makeup (trial and day of)
- HD/4K quality makeup and/or possibly airbrush complexion
- mini skincare prep prior to both makeup events for an extra flawless complexion (often like dermal quench hydration spray treatment like Kate Somerville luxe at-home skincare products)
- to go touch up kit with some mini items for touch up like blotting papers or lip from their look even in mini size.” KaleOk833
1. AITJ For Talking Back To My Stepdad Over My Outfit Choice?
“I (F17), my sister (F15), my brother (M18) my stepdad (M48), and my mom (F44) all went on a trip to Cancun Mexico for my mom’s birthday.
My siblings and I shared one room and my mom and stepdad shared another.
My brother, sister, and I were getting ready to go to my mom’s birthday dinner which we had reservations for at 8:00.
I finished getting ready and I wore these jean shorts that had a small slit under my bottom and a beige tank top with it.
My mom texted me telling us “when we’re done go downstairs and wait outside the lobby.”
So we did. After a while, my stepdad came down and saw what I was wearing and did not like it (keep in mind he had a problem with almost everything I was wearing).
He started complaining saying that I was “showing too much” and I shouldn’t be allowed to wear what I’m wearing.
I told him if my mom didn’t care then why should he?
He got mad and said, “I would never allow my daughter to wear this you should be ashamed.”
I replied by saying “well I’m not your daughter so I don’t care.”
He got mad and started raising his voice saying I should be ashamed and I’m only wearing this to get boys’ attention it’s showing too much and he can even see my bottom.
My brother told him to calm down because there was no need to yell.
And he got even more mad.
I told him “can you shut up? I don’t know why you care so much if it doesn’t bother my mom it shouldn’t bother you” and to be honest I was kind of raising my voice.
When my mom was coming down the stairs she heard and rushed towards us and asked what happened so my stepdad told her that I was no longer invited to the dinner and had to stay in the room because of my attitude and how I was raising my voice at him.
The whole family was mad at me that night and said I ruined the night.
I now feel like I was wrong and shouldn’t have done what I did. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Idk everyone sucks here. It sounds like you all have family issues that are bleeding into smaller things and making them a bigger deal than it is.
You don’t respect him, he doesn’t respect you and the mother would rather just send you to your room because she knows she can control you and that will stop the fighting faster than actually talking everything out.” afk_scorpio66
Another User Comments:
“If your stepdad had kept his unsolicited opinions to himself there would have been no argument.
If your mother had no issue with the outfit that is the end of it. Speaking as a man…men really need to stop trying to police what a girl wears telling her she should feel shame for clothing forget that nonsense. So with the information provided NTJ.
Also, it was your mother’s birthday dinner, who the heck is he to uninvite you? That should have been your mother’s call. As long as it was within the restaurant’s dress code he should have not said anything.” OldGrumpGamer
Another User Comments:
“While, yes, ultimately it is your choice to put what you want on your body, you may have wanted to consider the venue in which you were going and the reason for the occasion.
You’re young, and it’s not unusual to want to attract attention, but you may also need to learn the appropriate times and places. Info: If he had approached you more civilly, would you have responded differently? If he had instead demanded that you changed, and asked for you to consider the venue and occasion, would you have gone and changed?
Is it more about how he said it, and less about what he said?” whtislewyw
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