People Ask That We Have An Open Mind When Judging Their “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
20. AITJ For Offering My Nanny A Raise To Prevent Her From Working For My SIL?
“My husband and I have 3 kids (10mo f, 4m, 10f).
We currently have a nanny, Isabelle (22f) 3 days a week.
I have to say, Isabelle is flipping amazing. She drives on field trips, she does homework with the kids, she handles play dates, she’s the one adult my 10-year-old likes, she’s not dependent on screens, does art projects with the kids, she speaks 10-year-old, and she’s even teaching them how to cook and bake.
They made mini quiches a few weeks ago.
My oldest is doing state testing right now and wanted a fun activity with her friends. Isabelle suggested a spa day and my daughter loved it. I set up a day for my 4-year-old to go home with his grandparents and let Isabelle turn our living room into a spa.
She picked up my daughter, my niece, and 2 friends, brought them to our house, and did their hair and nails while they laid back and did face masks.
I guess my niece was telling her mom how cool Isabelle is because my SIL texted Isabelle offering her a nanny position 4 days a week, matching whatever I pay her but for only 1 kid.
Isabelle showed me the text and told me that she will have to think about it because the extra money would be nice. I told her if she promised to stay, next year I’d have her at 5 days a week with a $5 per hour raise.
Isabelle turned my SIL down saying she had received a better offer and now she’s telling my husband’s family that I stole a nanny from her.
They’re upset that I outbid my SIL and gave Isabelle extra money and hours just so my SIL wouldn’t get her.
My husband said it was petty. AITJ for offering Isabelle a raise and more hours so she doesn’t work for my SIL?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your SIL tried to steal your nanny!!!! Your SIL could have come to you and the two of you could have approached Isabelle about caring for all four kids with you and SIL splitting Isabelle’s pay.
However, your SIL chose to attempt to poach your nanny, which is borderline unforgivable, and now has the nerve to play the victim. Your SIL is the petty one! She can pound sand!” Consistent-Leopard71
Another User Comments:
“I was going to say, maybe offer to have your niece come over a few afternoons and let Isabelle make some extra money and your kid would probably enjoy having a friend to play with.
But your rat of a SIL went behind your back to try to steal your nanny? This is a mommy-on-mommy crime of the highest order and from your own SIL? What a horrid person. Trying to find someone to watch and trust with your kids is hard enough.
Finding someone you trust who your kids and you adore is like the ultimate mommy prize. No one gets to steal her!” th987
Another User Comments:
“She tried to poach your nanny not the other way around and now she’s bitter that it didn’t work.
She tried to put you in a bad situation of having to look for and interview new people while also wondering if they would get on with your kids instead of finding her own nanny. She has cost you more money to retain the help you ALREADY HAVE.
She’s a sneaky jerk and anyone who doesn’t see that is a jerk too. Complaining to others that her plans were thwarted makes her a jerk.” Choice-Intention-926
19. AITJ For Continuing To Celebrate My Deceased Brother's Birthday Despite My Wife's Discomfort?
“I (25M) have been with my wife (27F) for 6 years. Married for 2. My older brother lost his life because of me when I was 16.
He passed away right in front of me. To honor my brother, my parents and I have started celebrating his birthday by spending time together typically doing things that he liked.
I spend time with my parents regardless, but it’s different on his birthday because it’s more focused on him and only him.
His birthday is this Wednesday and 2 days ago my wife told me that she doesn’t feel comfortable with the idea of me continuing to celebrate his birthday because she feels like I’m holding onto someone that’s no longer here. She believes it’s doing more harm than good for my parents and me to continue celebrating because it’s not giving us the opportunity to move on.
She told me that she worries about me and she’ll feel better if I try therapy again to help better myself. This was all shocking to me because my parents and I have been doing it way before we even got together and it made me upset that she was implying that something was wrong with us honoring him.
The therapy suggestion is not something out of the ordinary for her to suggest whenever I talk about him, however, her suggesting that I completely skip celebrating his birthday was. I told her that I appreciated her input, but I didn’t ask for it and I wasn’t asking for her permission to attend.
This upset her as she was “trying to help.” I told her once again that I appreciated it but I did not ask for help nor did I need it.
She didn’t drop it and it was making me angry. I told her that I didn’t care what she thinks is right, my parents and I are gonna continue to celebrate my brother the way we’ve been doing.
This upset her and she told me that she’ll be very hurt if I choose to go because it’ll affect how she views me and where she stands in my life.
I make time for her every day of the year. I don’t see why I can’t prioritize something I enjoy doing with my parents once a year.
I’m planning on going regardless. I don’t understand what’s gotten into her but she’s been with me for 6 years and this tradition isn’t something that just started.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your family’s way of remembering your brother sounds lovely, and like a good way to honor his memory.
Your wife has no right to take it away from you. Depending on how the loss of your brother still affects your day-to-day life, I could see why she’s worried, but if you feel that it isn’t disrupting your everyday life, there’s absolutely no point in stopping a harmless habit to celebrate the memory of a loved one who, as I understood, passed away far too soon.
Also pushing the idea of therapy onto you repeatedly sounds very disrespectful, if you yourself feel fine and like there is truly no need for it. Therapy won’t do anything unless you feel like you have an issue and are open to treating it.” Even_Peach7198
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ve lost a sister, and most recently both my parents. My siblings and I try to get together on their birthdays and my parents’ anniversary to honor them. Maybe your wife has never lost anyone close to her, but just because she doesn’t understand doesn’t mean there is anything wrong or unhealthy with what your family is doing.
It‘s disrespectful and manipulative to say she’ll be “hurt” if you continue because of how she’ll view you and her place in your life. The simple fact is that this is not about HER at all. That’s what she needs to understand.
You and your parents should continue to do what feels right to you, in honor and respect of your brother. Your wife does not control this. She’s the jerk for trying.” glimmerseeker
Another User Comments:
“I’m sorry, but you’re celebrating his life one day out of 365 days, not trying to raise the dead.
Your wife is being totally unreasonable for even asking you to stop. Walk through any graveyard, and it’s rare to see fresh flowers on gravestones over a year old. You and your family get to say when, if ever it’s time to move on. I would look to therapy only because you have thoughts that you are to blame, and that should be dealt with to release the sadness.
Also, you mention you talk about him a lot, and perhaps you may be fixating too much and that may also contribute to your feelings of guilt.” Stay_sharp101
18. AITJ For Uninviting My Dad And His Family From My Wedding?
“Back in 2019 my dad was unfaithful to his partner and then a few months later got married to a woman we all barely knew. In 2020 he started a court case against my mom for “mistreating me and my sister,” started mistreating me and my sister mentally, and then adopted his wife’s daughter.
In 2021 we finally got away from him and stopped speaking to him for 2 years.
Now in 2024…I just started speaking to my dad again a few months back and it all seemed to be okay for the most part. Back in January I got engaged and I started to plan my wedding.
My dad’s wife insisted her daughter be one of my bridesmaids. I was hesitant at first but then she automatically told her daughter I said yes and they started dress shopping without my consent. I finally told her no and explained that I didn’t feel comfortable with her daughter being my bridesmaid because I wanted people closer to me to be in my wedding.
She called my dad hysterically crying saying that I’ve never treated her right and I’m just being evil and that I shouldn’t get married if they weren’t going to be a huge part of it.
My dad then called me telling me to apologize to both his wife and her daughter because they didn’t deserve me being hateful.
I told him all I did was simply explain that I didn’t feel comfortable with her 13-year-old daughter being in my wedding and to leave it alone. I hung up the phone and thought that was the end of the argument. But no. His wife then starts sending me dresses and saying (daughter’s name) is wearing this to your wedding it’s the same color as the bridesmaid’s dresses.
I got upset. I reminded them of all the terrible things they had done to me and my sister beforehand and said if anyone needs to apologize it’s them and if anyone will lose their invite to my wedding it’s also them.
A few weeks had passed at this point and I hadn’t heard anything.
Until my dad texted me and said “so I’m walking you down the aisle what shirt color do I need”. I again reminded him that they were not in my wedding and told them they had lost their invite. He then told me to apologize to his wife and daughter because they had been looking forward to being in my wedding.
I said no, they were never in my wedding to begin with, they did that to themselves. I hung up the phone, changed the date of my wedding, and never told them a single detail about the change of date.
Present date, I got married 5/11/24 and I finally got a text saying “I’m sorry you didn’t want us to be a part of your big day but it’s ridiculous that you did this to us, we wanted to be there.
You will never change. Have all the happiness you want.” So am I the jerk or is this self-explanatory? I feel like I’m not being a jerk, especially with all they have done to me and my sister. Tell me your thoughts…”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I am sorry this has happened. You will be better off going back to no contact I think. They must be under the impression that being family gives them privileges and rights they don’t actually have. Family is only a word used to describe a type of relationship.
Go live your best life and don’t include them, or anyone that doesn’t add something positive to your life. Life is too short to include people that are not on the positive side of living life.” ConfusedAt63
Another User Comments:
“Of course you’re not the jerk.
You will be if you let these people back into your life. The one thing they got right is that you deserve all the happiness you can get. Change your number, block them on socials (go private) and move on. Sometimes you have to let go of the people you love to find peace.
Your dad is a major jerk, it naturally follows that he would marry another major jerk. CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR WEDDING. I TRULY WISH YOU NOTHING BUT HAPPINESS.” LouisV25
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even if you were really close to them, there is still no requirement for them to play any part in your actual wedding.
For you to have had a limited relationship with them to start with, I would have assumed from the outset they were welcome as guests, but wouldn’t have any greater involvement – that would be limited to the people you have had bigger and longer lasting relationships with.
For them to expect and try to force their involvement seems absurd. And to have continued to force this involvement even after being told otherwise is madness and justified the actions you took to remove them – I can only assume they would have caused some amount of stress and hassle on the day forcing themselves into situations they didn’t belong in…” Nrysis
17. AITJ For Refusing Family Therapy After Feeling Neglected Due To My Sister's Health Issues?
“I’m (16m) a glass child.
My sister (15f) was born with chronic health problems and a physical disability. Her life hasn’t been easy and she’s pretty often in pain and limited in what she can and can’t do. It meant our parents were always making special time for her and doing what they could to let her enjoy being a kid.
It also meant my parents weren’t really my parents. They would take her places and leave me behind at home or with someone else in the family. I never got that same time with them. They even missed two of my birthdays completely because they had focused so much on bringing my sister to concerts she wanted to go to that they forgot my birthday and didn’t even get me something small like a $5 gift card which they did a few times when their money was more focused on my sister.
I spent most of my time with my paternal grandparents when I was younger. But grandma died 3 years ago and grandpa lives in a nursing home in another city so I don’t have them anymore and that made it more difficult.
I felt lonely and like my parents and sister were a family and I was the intruding roommate.
My sister actually had a temper tantrum in April of 2020 and broke some of my gaming stuff and not only was it never acknowledged at all but it wasn’t replaced either. They only focused on the fact my sister was so upset that she did it.
A few months ago I decided I needed to talk to my parents to see if it could get better. They decided we needed therapy together. In therapy, it was recommended we spend more time together like they do with my sister. So we did that once a week.
They still spent the rest of the week focused on my sister. It only just started when my sister got so jealous and had a meltdown over them focusing on me and she accused our parents of preferring me to her. My parents asked me then if I could be understanding and give more time before we focus on us because my sister really needed them and couldn’t deal with sharing them at that point.
I was so mad and hurt but I also felt so done. So I told my parents not to bother because their only child clearly needs them and I’ll be out of their hair as soon as I can be.
They went back to my sister being their only focus and I stopped caring.
This made them suggest all four of us go to therapy, but with someone new, since the old place we went to would not be happy with them ignoring the advice. They told me it’s all that will work now. I said no. They told me this is how we work on things all together and fix things.
I told them it was too late. That I didn’t have them being my parents for 15 years and I’m expected to be okay with that until my sister feels okay about sharing. I told them they made the choice of whose feelings mattered more and just like always they put her first so I was done and I didn’t want to fix it.
They have begged me a few times since and they told me they’re willing to work on it so I need to be reasonable.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I am so sorry about all of this. No you NEVER deserved to be treated like the red-headed stepchild.
Ok I get your sister was born with issues. But your parents never figured out how to navigate a life with both children and it sounds like you were cast aside for her needs. This is a poor excuse on behalf of your parents. Let me add this.
I know you’re feeling bad, please remember your sister didn’t ask for her lot in life either, she didn’t ask to be placed on this pedestal by your parents. This is on them. Your sister learned to navigate within the family based on what your parents did, same as you.
I don’t blame you for not wanting to participate in therapy. What good is it going to do if they simply change therapists because they aren’t willing to do what it takes? Perhaps a better option would be therapy with just your sister at first. I can understand how you’re feeling towards your parents and sister.
NTJ.” many_hobbies_gal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I do recommend you go to therapy for yourself to learn how to cope with this as you get older. You’d be surprised by how much built-up resentment you have that it’s always great to get it off your chest and have someone to listen and guide you.
Your parents made their choice and if they can’t even spend 1 day with you out of the week because of your sister, then that’s on them. Forcing you to do therapy together is unreasonable especially since the number 1 thing they will advise is for them to spend 1 on 1 time with you, which has proven to be ineffective.” Exotic_Flight_6179
Another User Comments:
“Hi OP. I’ll be your online mother now. You don’t have to weather this alone. You are definitely NTJ. You’ve tried. You know how and what you feel. It sounds like you’re frustrated by your sister’s behavior, but not resentful.
That’s incredibly mature. I agree with others who say you should tell your parents you agree to go to family counseling, but only if you go back to the original therapist. They don’t want to be held accountable because they KNOW they’re wrong and that they ignored the therapist’s advice.
They don’t want to be held accountable. They’re hoping a “new” therapist will side with them. Speaking as a parent, having a child with a chronic illness is hard and it definitely changes the balance of family dynamics. But it should never result in the near complete abandonment and full emotional abandonment of any other children.” Big-Box9097
16. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Mother's Heirloom Jewelry To My Brother's Fiancée?
“My (53F) mother passed away 10 years ago and I inherited a few select items of jewelry from her.
Those are things she cherished and wore often. I have been wearing her watch for the past 10 years, my sister (50F) holds a golden bracelet that she loves and there are three items left that my sister and I have been planning to give to my three daughters (20/18/18) to commemorate 10 years since her passing.
They always knew this and were close to their grandma. There is also no quarrel about who gets what.
Enter my brother (48m) and his fiancée (38f) of two years. My brother is demanding one of the pieces for his future wife to wear.
He claims we never involved him in any discussion as to what should happen to the pieces and we can’t just claim those to ourselves just because we are women. He says it’s very common for heirloom jewelry to be given to the daughter-in-law.
Legally there is no case to be made, my mother left those items to me. I have politely declined their request explaining that I can’t let one of my daughters go without and that they were very close to their grandma while his fiancée did not know her.
His fiancée is apparently distraught and claims we don’t see her as family. My father wants me to keep the items and give one to my brother so that all of my mom’s kids eventually get one item and I can do as I see fit with the rest. My sister kindly has offered up her bracelet.
I am torn. I don’t want to antagonize my brother and my sister-in-law but I find my three daughters’ claim so much more valid. They have been looking forward to this for years. And I don’t want my sister to sacrifice her bracelet.
If there were more pieces I would not hesitate to give something to her. It’s not a matter of money.
I have offered other things out of my mom’s estate, but they feel it’s not the same. I am also taking into account that my brother was married to his first wife 10 years ago and despite having been close to my mother she got no jewelry either but was left two of my mothers’s watercolor drawings.
I feel like my mother left those pieces to me with the intention of eventually passing them on to her granddaughters. Would she have subscribed to the each child or each daughter plus daughter-in-law has to get a piece of jewelry logic she would have left something to my brother or his then-wife in the first place.
My daughters told me they would accept any decision I make but I feel it would be highly unfair to burden them with any involvement in the decision making. The choice is mine to make and I have to live with the consequences. According to my father, they are debating to uninvite me from the wedding over this.
I stand by my decision but it’s hard.. I was always on good terms with my brother and cordial with his fiancée.. so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother is marrying a psycho. She’s never met your mother but is distraught that she can’t wear her dead MIL’s jewelry.
You are correct, your mom left the jewelry to you and, as you stated, your mom didn’t even leave your brother’s wife (his ex) jewelry when she passed. Your brother and his fiancée are acting crazy entitled and you need to tell them no and that if they bring it up again you’ll have to excuse yourself from their presence.
They are trying to bully you out of your daughters’ heirloom jewelry, their birthrights.” saintandvillian
Another User Comments:
“Ok, this is quite simple, it just looks very hard. Firstly, the answer is no. The pieces need to be allocated to the people who have an emotional connection to your mother.
Full stop, simply because that is where their value ultimately sits. If that wasn’t the case, you could simply buy her another piece, right? You, your sister, and your daughters all had a direct emotional connection to your mother. Now, what therefore are the options?
The only person who can tell you that is your sister-in-law and you need to put it back to her with only viable options on the table for her to choose from. It is very probable that she will only give serious consideration to other options when the one she would prefer is off the table in terms of choices.
In life, you really only have the options that are on the table in the first place.
“I understand you are seeking a connection with the family. It is apprehended and we wish to demonstrate that as well. My mother’s pieces are not an option because they need to go to those who were intimately involved with and loved her directly, they hold immense value for that reason and that is their purpose.
That is my decision and it will not change as it is my responsibility to ensure that they go where they belong to ensure that the emotional connection with my mother is preserved for those people. As a family, we are open to exploring other options.
Please take time to think about how we can welcome you into the family”. BTW you are NTJ. I’m not overly impressed with your brother though. This should never have been an issue.” Something-bothersome
Another User Comments:
“How is this even a question? Your brother’s ex might’ve had a basis for her feelings about it 10 years ago, but in any case, your mother made her decision and someone entering the discussion 8 years later doesn’t get to change things.
So much NTJ. It sounds like this was decided 8 years before your brother met his fiancee, so there’s no basis for him (or her) to feel slighted.” Jeffrey_Friedl
15. AITJ For Threatening To Call The Police If My DIL Keeps Leaving Her Kids With Me Without My Consent?
“My son and DIL have been married for around 7 years at this point. They have two kids.
All of my children are out of the home and living their lives. My husband and I are still working and will probably retire in 10-15 years. Around 70.
My DIL and I got along much better before the kids came into the picture. They live 30 minutes away and she is always trying to drop them off.
I thought my son was in on this but no. I sat them down and he had no idea this was happening. I showed the many texts asking for me to babysit and he was under the impression that I have only babysat twice this month not 16 times.
Apparently, she has been dropping them off with me to hang out with people and my son was under the impression she was taking them with her.
I started to communicate in a group chat with them so everyone was on the same page. I only respond to her in the group chat and if she starts to spam me with texts about it I throw a screenshot in the group chat and have my son deal with it.
We have talked and it comes down to her wanting her kids to have the same relationship she had with her grandparents. In short, I explained that I am still working and I will not have that relationship. That I can’t have the kids every other day just like she had growing up.
We agreed to every two weeks to have a Grandma day.
All good for about a year, my son is now traveling for work and she is at it again. The time difference makes it hard to have him shut it down when it happens.
I was home for about an hour when she showed up at my home. She wanted me to babysit when she went shopping. I had enough at this point.
I told her for crying out loud I have my own life, that I will not be the cookie-cutter grandma she wants, and if she tries to leave the kids with me from now on without my agreement that I will call the police for abandonment.
She called me a jerk and stormed off. My son called trying to smooth it over and saying I may have gone too far.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That’s nice she had that kind of relationship with her grandparents, but absolutely nothing entitles her to force it on you.
Good job on the boundaries. Your son needs to step up here too though, and get more involved with his own kids. The group text idea was brilliant and is a great way to keep him in the loop.” achippedmugofchai
Another User Comments:
“No, NTJ at all.
Darn, OP, your DIL is trying to bully you. Not going well for her lol. But, seriously, she knows exactly what the deal is and she’s not confused, unaware, or whatever. She’s literally trying to strong-arm you against your will. Please don’t continue to engage with her on the basis of what she “wants”.
That is not the issue anymore. You are past that. She is actually harassing you and I wouldn’t call the cops about abandonment, but I would for harassment. Showing up at your house uninvited, spamming you with texts, she’s being abusive and your son needs to recognize what is going on here.” Even_Budget2078
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a person who clearly doesn’t give two cares about your boundaries, your work, or you as a person. She’s a user and manipulator and will take you for every inch you give. Shutting her down in person didn’t work, nor over text, nor has your son stepped up and really set firm boundaries with his wife either.
Threatening to call the police for abandonment might be a nuclear option, but it’s clearly the only one your DIL is willing to listen to. Be aware that you’re almost certainly going to have to follow through on that threat though OP. People like your DIL don’t stop because of threats.
They stop when they face consequences for their actions.” Filosifee
14. AITJ For Confronting My Dad About Neglecting Me After Remarrying?
“My (18f) mom passed away when I was 7. My father remarried a year later. His new wife had 3 kids A (8m), B (6m), and C (3f). He said she wanted a dad for her kids and he wanted a mom for me. I remember telling him I didn’t want a new mom.
He said I would understand later.
My dad basically stopped doing anything alone with me. No more camping nights in the backyard or movie nights which we had done every week for years. Nothing. He spent time with all his new kids ‘to bond’. It’s been 11 years and he still doesn’t have time for me because he’s ‘bonding with them.’ He stopped coming to my games when I got to HS.
His wife & I have nothing in common. I play three sports and I’m on the speech team. She’s very girly and likes girl trips to buy clothes and makeup at different malls. She knows I don’t want to go but just tells my dad that she invited me.
I have a teammate I play two sports with. Her parents have become like my own. She said she is totally fine with it. I’ve made sure all the time because I don’t want to take someone else’s parents. But she’s always the one to invite me over, and brings her parents to my swim meets because she knows no one will be there for me.
Invites me to go shopping for Mother/Father’s Day gifts and says they’re from both of us. Her parents get me holiday gifts and say I’m always welcome.
Senior night at basketball, I told her my dad wasn’t going to walk me around the floor because he doesn’t even come to games.
She asked her dad to walk both of us and he was happy to. In a small town, that made the paper because they thought it was sweet. My dad flipped out & took us all to therapy. He asked why he hadn’t been asked. I said because he didn’t come to games.
He said he didn’t know I played basketball anymore. I asked if that’s why he didn’t come to swim or softball when he couldn’t miss A and B’s practices. Or come to speech meets when he went to C’s dance recitals. He just stared at me and said he didn’t know I still did those either.
I asked why he talked for days about B’s camping trip but didn’t ask about my senior trip to Mexico. He said he didn’t know I went. I said he signed the form. He admitted he didn’t read it. I asked if he remembered the last time I called him dad.
He said he didn’t know I stopped. I said May 13, 2021. I said he stopped being my dad when he started being A, B and C’s. I walked out of therapy.”
Another User Comments:
“Your dad basically abandoned you when he started “bonding” with your step-siblings.
You found another family and another father figure, and this was basically rubbed in his face at family therapy, and there was the photo in the newspaper, too. And now he is shocked and probably feels hurt. Well, boo hoo for him. Well, now it has been spelled out to him, and he can either step up and pay a little attention, or be left behind.
You are an adult now, you can distance yourself as much as you want to. NTJ.” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t understand how your dad could be so clueless about your life. There was nothing wrong with him wanting a family again, but it feels like more of an unhealthy way of dealing with trauma.
But that’s done now, he’s committed to his new family. What’s not okay is abandoning the family he still had after your mother’s death. You put a mirror in front of his reality and he didn’t like the way he and it looked. That being said, don’t discount therapy.
This is a great chance for you to reconcile your own emotional wounds that have never had the chance to heal, whilst also providing a platform for your dad to grow and become a better dad again.” GHDownUnder
Another User Comments:
“Good lord. This is heartbreaking.
You are definitely NTJ. Your father has failed you. The one thing I have learned in my life is that family doesn’t have to be blood-related. You have a family in your friend and her parents. You will meet others in life that will become family to you.
Keep yourself open to those possibilities. My best friend is my sister. Known her for 50 years. Her mom is my mother and grandmother to my son. They are my family even though we share no DNA. Keep true to yourself. And I am hugely proud of you for speaking the truth to your dad.
Hugs and peace.” PurpleStar1965
13. AITJ For Not Sharing My Prescribed Meal With My Coworker?
“I am a very overweight woman in my mid-30s. I love cooking and baking and I love to share. I often bring things to work for people to share.
Well, I gained 20 kilos in the last 2 years and I decided I really need to take better care of myself.
I found a doctor, nutritionist, and trainer a few weeks ago and now I am following the regime they set for me.
I have gluten intolerance, lactose intolerance, and egg/seafood/celery allergy so it’s not exactly easy to cook for me, but I worked with a nutritionist and she has made a “menu” for me for every day of a month.
With the amount of food and everything (calories counted). I spend a lot of time cooking every day and I am bringing food to work with me in Tupperware. The thing is that according to the doctor, I ate really wrong – I was all the time dieting and I didn’t eat enough necessary nutrients.
So the nutritionist prescribed me big portions, especially when it comes to proteins because she wants me to exchange fat for muscles.
So to the issue – I brought a tupper of salad, some potatoes, and meat with sauce to work. The meat was cut into 4-5 pieces to fit into the tupper and when I warmed it up I sat and started to eat.
My coworker came to me and asked if she could have one or two pieces of the meat and a bit of potatoes because it smelled heavenly and I always bring cooked stuff to the office. I told her no, that it’s my lunch and I have a set amount of calorie intake, so I am sorry but no. She looked at me and told me I don’t need this big portion and I should share with her, because it would help me.
I told her sorry, but no, and kept eating. She scoffed and left me alone, but since then she and her “work SO” keep making fun of me for eating like a pig. And that it’s not very effective weight loss since I am still overweight.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First of all, you have been “prescribed“ these meals by a nutritionist and your doctor. But even if she didn’t know that, it’s not your duty to share whatever food you have with whoever asks. You should not even have to explain this.
NO is a full sentence. Beyond that, the fact that they tell you that you eat like a pig, or “make fun” of you is so far beyond what is acceptable, that you really need to take this to HR. Pronto!” ScoobaChick28
Another User Comments:
“Of course you’re NTJ – it takes some nerve to ask, much less demand, that someone share their lunch. You make a nice lunch for yourself; even without the issues surrounding your diet, there is NO REASON for you to share with casual workplace acquaintances.
Unless you work in a very tiny office you’d have none for yourself if you shared with everyone. It doesn’t matter if you’re fat, skinny, losing weight, or gaining weight; your food is your food. You aren’t the office caterer.” DueIsland2983
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I hear you.
I was eating wrong for many years and also piled on the weight. It was only after I tested for intolerances, started intermittent fasting, and counted calories that I came to the realization that I was, indeed, not eating enough. Eg. For dinner, I had to plate up 100-200g of lean protein (depending on the source) a small potato, and bulk up to rest of my plate to reach approx.
500 calories for that meal. When I finished loading my plate I thought WHOA that’s a lot of food. However, eating correct portions and/or nutrient-dense foods meant I was not getting hungry as often and this led to me consuming fewer calories per day. Your co-worker is a jerk.
First, who the heck asks a co-worker for their food? I’ve been working for a really long time and I have never asked or had a coworker ask for my food. If it wasn’t offered, you stuck to your own lunch. Report the cow to HR or your manager.
This type of behavior is not ok.” Ok_Smoke_1056
12. AITJ For Yelling At My Friend Who Wouldn't Give My Crying Baby Back?
“I (35f) have a friend group of five women (including me). We are all the same age and we have been friends since we were 13. Four of us me included have kids, with my five-week-old son being the youngest. The fifth friend Emily doesn’t have kids and hasn’t really ever been in a relationship that lasted longer than a couple of weeks.
Emily works in a daycare center and has been working there for over 10 years. Nowadays she mainly does admin work but sometimes covers shifts if someone is unwell. So she has a lot of experience with kids even though she doesn’t have any herself.
The problem with Emily is that she likes to make it known how good she is with kids.
So whenever we spend time together as a group with our kids, she acts like she knows best when it comes to kids. For example, if a kid is having a tantrum she will insert herself in the situation instead of letting the mom take care of it.
Or if a child is doing something it shouldn’t like eating too much candy, Emily will tell the child “Don’t listen to mommy, auntie Emily says it’s fine”. She also does this at bigger gatherings showing off her superior skills with kids while making us look like we don’t know anything.
I’ve talked about this with the other moms and they find it annoying as well. We thought about saying something but we agreed that taking care of children is such a big part of Emily’s identity that it would really hurt her.
On to the problem at hand.
A couple of days ago we were hanging out again. Emily asked if she could hold my son and I said yes. A little later the baby started to cry. I went over and tried to take him back. Emily wouldn’t let me and kept saying she knows how to do it and tries rocking the baby.
I knew my son was hungry so no amount of rocking was going to stop him from crying. I asked Emily again just to give me the baby and she again refused. I was getting upset and asked again and she just kept saying that she knows how to take care of a baby.
I said I know but I need to take my baby. I was about to blow but she had my son in her arms so I didn’t want to upset her. Suddenly she tried to take the baby to the other room but I stopped her and almost forcefully took my son from her.
I was seething and once I had set my son down, I let it all out. I shouted at her that she has no right to keep me from my child and that even with all her experience she can’t go over me when it comes to my child.
I also told her that I’m sick of her trying to show off her skills using my child. She was really upset and left shortly after.
I don’t think anything I said was wrong but AITJ for shouting at her? My friends think it’s something she needed to hear but going off on her like that might have been too much.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You should never need to repeat the phrase “give me back my baby”. Once most certainly is enough, and if she resists you on that point please make her explain exactly how many times in GREAT detail “since you work with kids, how many times did I need to ask for my child back before it became kidnapping?” The answer is one and she KNOWS it.
You don’t try to leave the room with someone’s child after they’ve requested you return them, and if she doesn’t KNOW that then she doesn’t KNOW anything about looking after children. She isn’t your friend.” Leairek
Another User Comments:
“I think this is a lesson in why you should talk to your friends about their behavior before it reaches a boiling point.
For that, I’m tempted to give you a gentle E S H – but Emily’s behavior in refusing to give you back your infant child was absolutely 100% out of line, and it seems like you were doing your best to keep her feelings in mind as well.
Shouting at her wasn’t the ideal way to go about it, but when she puts you in a position like that it’s kind of hard to see a different way that could have gone. So though I feel like some people may disagree, I vote NTJ.
I think it’s important to consider what you want going forward – if you want to remain friends, I think you should reach out to her and ask to meet for coffee (sans baby) or something, and talk things out. Apologize for shouting at her and for not talking to her about it before it reached a boiling point – but she has to recognize that she was completely out of line in refusing to hand your son back over to you.
Good luck with this one.” NoSalamander7749
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You. Don’t. Come. Between. A. Mother. And. Her. Child. Having said that, Emily clearly wants a baby. I would maybe give her a couple of days to cool off and then maybe you (or the group) could gently approach her and ask if she does long to be a mother and if she’s considered adoption.
She sounds like a very unhappy woman who has been filling a void in her life with other people’s children. Obviously, some therapy wouldn’t be amiss either…” _hootyowlscissors
11. AITJ For Telling My In-Laws I Can't Fix My Relationship With My Family?
“I (25f) married Ryan (25m) 7 months ago.
His family and I get along fine… but for 6 years they had no idea about my family background. And the reason is because they are so family-orientated and so naive to the reality of unhappy and toxic families, that they come across as preachy about being close.
This is something Ryan warned me about and spoke to them about before. They still comment on it regularly though.
I don’t speak to my family. I have a dad who raised me and a half-brother I was raised alongside half of my life. I’m an affair baby and that came between me and my half-brother always.
My mother didn’t stick around long enough for me to ever know her and I never tried to track her down later. My dad ignored how damaging it was to have my half-brother always throw in my face how much he and his mom wished I didn’t exist. Dad would also try to make his ex-wife and me interact and she’d get so upset I would hear her tell him she’d rather be dead than interact with me.
The last time I saw my half-brother was when he was 22 and he told me to my face he would never love me or consider me part of his family and he saw me as repulsive just like our dad. My dad heard this and he still dismissed how much that would hurt.
So I don’t speak to my dad anymore by choice and my half brother and I don’t talk by his own choice. Any extended family treats me like I had the affair because they’re closer to Dad’s ex-wife than Dad. I was a casualty of that.
Plus they adore my half brother and he made it clear he didn’t want me to be around.
I don’t talk about it often and very few people know. I didn’t tell my ILs for years because of their attitudes around family and when I did, a few weeks before I married Ryan, the reaction at first was somewhat surprising because they said nothing judgmental. But ever since that point they have talked about my half-brother a lot and even his mom and for some reason they feel like me reaching out to them would heal everything and we’d skip into the sunset arm-in-arm.
Ryan told them it wasn’t going to happen and to let it drop. So they got more subtle or less direct. But a week ago they brought it up again and they told me how much better my life would be if I put in the effort to heal these relationships because family is everything.
Ryan told them not all biological families are equal. They told him they’re still essential for us though. I told them it wasn’t true in my case and my half-brother’s mom isn’t related to me in any way. And that my half-brother is repulsed by me, he considers me filthy because I’m an affair baby.
I told them that’s not something I can fix from simply reaching out and I told them this very attitude about family is why I never told them for so long.
Ryan had my back but his family was extremely upset by my words. MIL’s anger was the most clear and she told me it’s unfair to judge them for wanting families to be healthy and that’s all they try to help with.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this. You’ve been blamed enough for something that was not your fault, and now these jerks are acting like it’s your fault you can’t or don’t want to try to have a relationship with people who have treated you like a criminal. Also is it just biology that counts for them?
Because I would think you’re part of their family now, and as family, they should be supporting you, not challenging and criticizing your reality and decisions.” fungibleprofessional
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When people get like that with me about my bad parents, I ask them “you believe there are people who do nasty terrible things to people in this world, right?” If they say no, I tell them they are naive and should touch ground or something lol and if they say yes, I remind them that those people have families also, and that includes children.
Those children exist in the world, and surprise!!! You’re looking at one. That usually shuts them up or at least makes them feel as uncomfortable as I do.” magiemaddi
Another User Comments:
“Cancer is just cells you’ve made spreading places they shouldn’t be, that makes it family to the rest of your body, so it’s important to negotiate a healthy relationship with it right?
No matter how much it takes and takes until it kills you, it’s family! NTJ your in-laws are horrifically self-centric. Sometimes to thrive you have to cut out the parts of your family that do more harm than good. It’s not your fault who you’re related to, it’s not your fault how half-brother reacted to his father’s affair, it’s not your fault your father had an affair.
You don’t deserve to be harassed by people so naive that they’ve never consumed any media (news or fiction) where families aren’t sunshine and rainbows.” I_wanna_be_anemone
10. AITJ For Breaking Up With My Partner After His Sister's Wedding To Avoid Drama?
“I 27F was in a relationship with Adam 28M for 8 years. He was my first serious partner and we had been together since college. We had discussed getting married, buying a house, and having kids and he introduced me to his family.
I grew up in foster care and Adam’s family basically became mine as well over the past few years.
A few weeks ago I got a message from Adam’s high school partner Dana to tell me that they had hooked up a few weeks ago and she was sorry as she didn’t realize he wasn’t single.
I thanked her for letting me know, but I wasn’t actually upset. Adam and I have drifted since we decided to be long-distance last year, and I knew I couldn’t move past this and I was going to break up with Adam after he was unfaithful.
I am very close to Adam’s sister Fran 24F and see her as my little sister. Fran was having a destination wedding abroad and she asked me to be a bridesmaid. She got married a few weeks after I found out about Dana, and I decided to keep quiet as I didn’t want to take any attention away from Fran and her big moment.
I drifted from Adam, and he hadn’t even realized until the actual wedding week when we flew in for the wedding and we spent time together.
I managed to avoid him by saying I had bridesmaid duties and since Adam’s family covered my plane tickets and the hotel, I was able to spend more on shopping and seeing attractions and had fun.
After the wedding, I broke up with Adam and told him I knew about Dana and he was upset and begged me to stay. I said no and left.
Fran got back from her honeymoon a few days ago and messaged me last night saying she heard about me and Adam and thought we were going to work through it, as she knew Dana had spoken to me weeks before the wedding as Dana had reached out before to Fran to ask for my Instagram to apologize for being unfaithful with Adam.
She and Adam have accused me of using her family for a free vacation as she spoke to Adam who told her how I avoided him during the trip and I am not sure if I am in the wrong and should apologize.
Adam’s family is the closest thing to my family and when we initially broke up I told Adam I wanted to be civil as I love his family and he agreed to tell them we split mutually.
I am scared that Adam and Fran telling their family I knew about the affair will mean I lose their support too.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you chose the least dramatic option here and it’s unfortunate Fran doesn’t see that. You also are now learning that at the end of the day, no matter how close you were to Adam’s family, it’s still his family.
It stinks, but you will likely lose your relationship with them.” jrm1102
Another User Comments:
“You kept quiet about being aware of your partner’s little stepping out episode(s?), and went along with the wedding and you didn’t cause any drama. If you had broken up with your unfaithful partner beforehand, you probably would have been disinvited to be in the wedding party, the bride would have had to scramble for a replacement, and it would have been a whole mess.
OP, you played your part in the wedding, so what if your trip was paid for by the family? You weren’t unfaithful to your partner, he was unfaithful to you. A more vindictive person might have gleefully blown up the whole wedding over being betrayed. This isn’t on you.
NTJ.” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s too bad that after 8 years, this is how they’re choosing to perceive the situation. I think you were darned if you do/darned if you don’t, potentially, as backing out of Fran’s wedding a few weeks in advance would have possibly been seen as dramatic, disruptive, etc. As you said, with or without Adam, you care about Fran and have been close with her presumably since her teens.
I think something you possibly could have done better, but IDK if this even would have been practical given your particular circumstances, would have been to talk to Adam before the trip, and plan to go on the trip together as friends so that you could still be there to support Fran.
I suppose how this played out, the ‘optics’ are that you kept your knowledge a secret until after the trip in order to benefit from the trip itself. I think I would communicate to Fran and maybe to their parents? Explain your side, that you were not intending to take advantage of their kindness, you simply didn’t want the event to be overshadowed in any way by things between you and Adam nor did you want to miss Fran’s event or your chance to take part in it.
I think the facts that a) you’ve been together a really long time and b) you consider them your family both are significant here. I would hope they could step back and see your perspective a bit more, rather than feel victimized by the way you chose to handle it.” owls_and_cardinals
9. AITJ For Leaving My Friend's Sleepover Because She Ignored Me For Her Partner?
“Last weekend, I (18f) went to a sleepover at my friend’s (18f) house. She invited me to it around a week prior saying that we “needed to catch up with each other” since we haven’t gone to the same school in around 4 years.
I agreed with her and told her that I would come, solely because I missed her a lot and at one point in my life, she was my best friend, but after middle school ended and we went our separate ways, we grew apart and slowly stopped reaching out to each other and only started talking just a couple of months ago.
When I first arrived at her house for the sleepover, she was already on the phone with her partner (19m) and barely even noticed me walk into her house (the door was open because when I texted her that I was on the way, she told me that the door would be unlocked for me and I could just walk right inside.) I was trying to get her attention and when I finally did, all she did was give me a wave and continued to talk with her partner on the phone.
I found it pretty weird that she didn’t give me an actual greeting but I just shrugged it off because I thought that she would get off of the phone with him soon. She pointed me in the direction of her room so I could drop my stuff off, so I did just that.
When I came back to the living room and tried to start a conversation with her, she would just shut me down and continue to talk with him.
After a couple of hours of her barely even talking to me just to talk with him, I grabbed my bags and left without saying a word to her.
She texted me around an hour afterward asking me why I left and I responded to her saying that I left because I didn’t want to have a sleepover with someone who was just on the phone with their partner the entire time. I also told her that the whole sleepover was just a disappointment and for her to never invite me to one again.
She took offense to this and told all of our mutual friends about it with some of them blocking me and calling me “self-entitled”, and even had her partner text me saying that I’m messed up and need to apologize, while my family thinks I’m not in the wrong at all and did the right thing.
But I honestly don’t know, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friend invited you to a sleepover to “catch up,” but then completely ignored you to talk to her partner. It’s understandable that you felt disappointed and left. She should have been more considerate of your time, especially since you haven’t seen each other in years.
It’s not your responsibility to apologize for her rudeness.” scarXwillow187
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, at all. Just after finishing school, a bunch of us girls had a sleepover planned at one of the girl’s places. I get there at the given time, only for her mom to tell me to wait in her room, they’ve left a note for me.
I checked the note – they went out for a movie and drinks, with the sleepover to resume later. I left. It marked the beginning of the end of that friendship.” mumbaiperson23
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I (42F) still experience the same challenges with my friend.
She was decent at having conversations when she was in a bad marriage. Sometimes would disappear during hangouts, realized recently I was just a free babysitter/“auntie”. Since she has started seeing someone we have zero conversations when we are together. Even acted like she came to town to see me, found out later she was meeting a guy she was seeing in town the next day.
It appears that she will continue this with me and possibly her children until she remarries and finds it unsatisfying, then will have time for friends again. Congratulations on figuring it out now.” Round_Signature3610
8. AITJ For Asking My Husband To Only Use His Designated Toilet For His IBS Issues?
“My husband, (33M) who will be referred to as Tyler, and I (27F) have been together nearly 8 years.
We share a sizable home that has 5 bathrooms, each equipped with a functional toilet. In our master bedroom, there are two toilets, each having its own lockable door. One of those toilets is mine and only mine and the other is strictly his.
Tyler has had IBS for his entire life…if any of you don’t know, IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome) is an intestinal disorder that causes pretty nasty poos.
I’m talking like explosions that one may say “destroy” a toilet. This has never been a problem until we moved into this home.
One of the bathrooms is located directly off the living room. We frequently have sitters come and go to care for our 3-year-old son so that particular bathroom is used by them and whoever is over.
A guest bathroom of sorts.
I specifically asked that Tyler only poo in his designated toilet in our master bathroom. I’m so tired of cleaning other toilets after his explosions.
Tyler has never had to clean the toilets and never does. If I pester him, he would.
It’s not that he doesn’t help with chores. He’s very helpful in other regards. But he never cleans up right after his poos. When I go in there after, the toilet (TMI) is coated, splattered, and straight-up nasty.
He still frequently uses the toilet off the living room to poo, causing nasty stank and toilet destruction.
I have to clean it constantly and when I ask him to use his toilet to poo, he will say he doesn’t want to argue or I’m looking to pick a fight. This has been an issue now for months with no resolution.
I have brought this up multiple times.
I want to know, AITJ? Why can’t he use his toilet for poos? I don’t care if he pees downstairs!”
Another User Comments:
“Why the heck isn’t he cleaning up his own poos? I still think you’re correct that he shouldn’t destroy the bathroom right next to where people are, out of politeness, but the real problem is this man is pooing and walking away without looking back.
Why do you let him get away with pretending he doesn’t know what he did? Mostly NTJ but come on.” kathryn_sedai
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You say if you pester him, he would clean. So pester him. Relentlessly. It is so disrespectful of him to always expect you to clean up his poo, or to let anyone else have to use a disgusting toilet, for that matter.
He’s 33 and he has never cleaned a toilet? Well, it is time for him to start. Buy 20 bottles of cleaner and line them up on the sink so he can’t use his stupid selfish excuse. If you have guests, point them towards another toilet and say I wouldn’t use that one if I were you, he has just used it and it is gross.
Shame him because he is shameless. I would also stop cleaning his personal toilet completely. Ever. That is his job. His sense of entitlement to your constant labor in this dirty job makes me furious, especially when he refuses point blank to make the job easier for you.” thisisgettingdaft
Another User Comments:
“Maybe he’d adjust his behavior if he had to face the consequences. Stop cleaning your husband’s poo and make him do it himself. I, personally, would die on this hill if my husband expected he could Jackson Pollock every toilet on the house and expect me to either leave it or get on my hands and knees and clean up the aftermath.
It’s nasty and degrading. NTJ and what a turnoff (not the IBS, but how casually he’s fine with his wife cleaning his own poo like an infant).” Dense-Passion-2729
7. AITJ For Being Unenthusiastic About The Grill Gift My Wife Bought Me?
“My (34m) wife surprised me with a gift that when presented I didn’t really have the best reaction.
My wife had the day off and wanted to have a day with her friend to watch Bridgerton and drink mimosas. Since she was having her day with her friend, I decided to get a couple of rounds of disc golf in. I get off of work and do the daily chores.
(Garbage, walk dog, feed myself) As I am leaving to walk the dog I tell the wife that I’m going to play disc golf after I’m done. To which she replies “well maybe you shouldn’t. I’ll tell you when you get back”. This already kind of dampened my mood as I had a long day and getting some light exercise in some clear weather sounded quite nice.
Not to mention I’ve made said plans with a couple of people which now I may have to cancel. Not the biggest deal right?
Now that’s out of the way here’s the meat and potatoes. She got me a grill and not only that I now have to go pick up said grill, assemble it, and prepare dinner for guests because it’s nice out so she invited friends over for me to cook for.
It was presented in a manner of “I got you a grill and invited our friends over and when you get it put together you can use it.” Needless to say, my internal self was screaming and the stress meter moved up a bit. I gave a “oh cool” and tried my hardest not to seem ungrateful but the surprise seemed very impulsive and just created a ton of work for me to do.
So I canceled my plans. Wife canceled the pickup order due to my “ungrateful attitude”. We are now going to go out to eat with said people and we are in a fight. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Does she not realize how much work it is to put a grill together?
I had to help put them together occasionally at my old job, and it’s not easy. Just so you know, lots of places offer free assembly if you buy the grill there, but you would need a truck to pick it up. She’s not the jerk for the grill itself, since you said you want one, but should not have planned a dinner party hosted by you immediately.” Facing_The_Music
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is the equivalent of buying your wife some expensive kitchen gadget, that requires assembling, for Mother’s Day and telling her she’s cooking dinner for you and a few friends. Would she want that for her gift? Probably not. What a terrible thing to just spring on you.
And the audacity to be mad when you weren’t jumping for joy over it.” sunshineandwoe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Where’s the gift part? Your wife bought a grill and told you to pick it up, set it up, and start preparing food. Why would that be a gift?
Because it’s a grill? If you tell me that the money she bought it with is from a shared account I’m going to laugh. Imagine you went grocery shopping and told your wife “I’ve got a gift for you. It’s groceries.
They’re in the car for you to get and put away. And I invited our friends over for dinner so you better start using those groceries to prepare something!” I doubt she’d be very happy and would have an “ungrateful attitude” as well.” OTPssavelives
6. AITJ For Tipping More Than My Father At A Restaurant?
“I (36f) go out with my parents to eat (69m) (59f) every so often. (My brother and sister usually come with us and my sister’s partner) Sometimes, I pick up the tab and sometimes they do.
My father has the mentality that if you are giving them a cash tip then it’s okay to tip 10%. I am very much of the mind that if they do a good job it’s 18% and do an amazing job it’s 20%. Give or take.
Usually, I tip more behind their backs in cash or if I’m paying I will give them 15, and then my dad gives them some cash. Well, my parents caught on to this.
It was my birthday last night and the total came to like 340 dollars for 7 people including my partner.
(This only happens once a year and last year I was out of the country) I also treat my parents on their birthdays, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, etc etc. So, it is transactional.
My father was only tipping 40 dollars for a table of 7 where some of us are a little demanding.
The restaurant also gave me a free dessert. I waited until they left the restaurant to tip another 20 dollars. (I should have given her more now that I think about it.)
After I came out, my father called me out and got upset that I tipped more money.
I told him that some of us are not cheapskates. Well, obviously he got a knot in his face about me calling him that. But, come on… 40 bucks on 340 is a slap in the face especially in this economy, and when she did a good job at taking care of us.
I personally think wait staff should be paid a better wage but like, this is my way of helping others in the service industry because I’ve been there.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, of course… Anyone who has ever worked at a restaurant knows how mentally and physically demanding the work is.
Unfortunately, in America, restaurant workers are compensated almost entirely by tips. Your dad’s failure to recognize their efforts is his problem, not yours, and the fact that you recognize his error and compensate for it by tipping extra is a testament to your integrity.
As long as he continues to shortchange restaurant staff, you should continue to pay the difference and make him feel like a cheapskate!” Playful-Tumbleweed10
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I was the server in this situation once. More than 10 years ago I waited on a large, demanding family, that took my attention away from other tables, and had tears in my eyes when I saw the tip they left me.
Then one of the (young adult) kids came back and handed me some extra. It wasn’t just the money (though as a college student that was definitely part of it), but the acknowledgment that I had done a good job. You did the right thing.” Ok_Discount_7889
Another User Comments:
“Happy birthday! NTJ — I too have increased the tip when dining out with olds (note that I’m almost as old as your mom). Not sure why it is, but the whole 15%/18%/20% tip on the after-tax bill has passed by a generation that maybe didn’t eat out as much (I’m talking folks over 80 now).
You’re doing the right thing by bumping it up & I bet your dad is just embarrassed. ” Sufficient-Sense-565
5. AITJ For Wanting To Wear A Suit To My Grandma's Funeral Instead Of A Dress?
“I, 21M, am a well passing trans man. I’m tall, relatively muscular, have short hair, and just overall guy-looking.
My grandma passed away recently and had Alzheimer’s for quite some time before she died. She often used to not recognize me or ask my mum where (my deadname) was when I was right there. She would sometimes say she’d love to see me again and it was overall painful for the whole family.
Before I came out Gran used to love picking out dresses for me, and afterward, she moved on to suits.
But when she started forgetting stuff she kept talking about what kind of dresses I like now, what she should get for me, etc. The funeral’s next week and I mentioned that I would probably wear the last suit she got for me which was black and a vest just for extra blackness.
My cousin looked at me like I’d just said the most ridiculous thing on the planet and she said, ‘no, gran would have wanted to see you in a dress’ and how I could disrespect her very wishes on such an occasion and what a jerk I am for putting my needs over hers when it’s her funeral.
I didn’t quite know how to respond to that and luckily I was saved by her kids who started making a mess so she went after them. I frankly, think she’s being ridiculous. I couldn’t pass as a girl if I tried anymore, much less fit into one of my old dresses.
I think it would be utterly disrespectful if I showed up in a dress, it would look far too ridiculous/comical for a funeral.
I’m 99.99999999999999% sure I’m not the jerk. I’m genuinely just no longer the build to be in a dress, I’m a grown man, it would be a joke.
But just in case I’m missing something, AITJ? I don’t want to disrespect gran at the funeral but I really think wearing a dress would be more disrespectful.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ The grandma whose mental capacity deserted her might have wanted to see you in a dress, but the one who knew you, who loved you for who you were, would want you to be in the clothing that suits you and the fact that she got you the suit makes it perfect to wear.
Grandma didn’t forget on purpose, didn’t deadname on purpose, didn’t go with the dress memories on purpose: she had a disease that made her forget, but that doesn’t change the fact that the woman she was before her disease loved you, was proud of who you were, and knew your real name.
Be that person at her funeral and know she’d have wanted that.” corgihuntress
Another User Comments:
“Your grandma bought you a suit? She understood and respected your transition. Hold on to that. Then she lost some memories. That’s a tragedy that she didn’t recognize you in her last days.
You could have dressed up then so she would recognize you, but even saying that seems bizarre. It’s just one of the many tragedies of Alzheimer’s. I have lost 4 ancestors to dementia. It’s always tough. A friend’s grandmother repeatedly asked my friend’s husband “when did you start seeing (friend)”.
No one suggested they should separate to make Nanna more comfortable! When we fall into dementia, at best we regress to an earlier part of our lives, and at worst, lose everything. Rejoice that your grandma never forgot you, even when she forgot you had transitioned, and accept the suit as proof she acknowledged it at the time.
Wear it with pride. And if you or your cousin believe she will be watching you, it’s her restored to her full health, who loved you as you are. Do you think the grandma who bought the suit would like to see you lying about who you are?
NTJ.” kimba-the-tabby-lion
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Funerals are for the living. Alzheimer’s is a brutal disease. It robs people of many of the traits they have and mixes them up until they are hardly someone you recognize. The gran you knew and loved liked you in suits.
The person who passed away recently may have loved dresses, but that mind had been ravaged by a cruel disease. Trust the relationship you remember – and honor that one. No one except for you knows the relationship you had with her except for you personally.
It’s yours alone to decide how to honor it. I’m sorry for your loss.” Major_Barnacle_2212
4. AITJ For Confronting My Fiancée About Her Rude Behavior Towards Our Employees?
“My (27m) mom owns an indoor trampoline park. I am the one who runs most of the operations, and payroll. We have an onsite supervisor, although either I or my fiance (25f) occasionally go in to assist. My fiance does scheduling and generally is the one answering employee concerns.
However I recently had 3 employees quit and our supervisor said that he heard or was told all 3 of them quit because they disliked my fiance, and he said that he has heard other employees call her a jerk before. These were my 3 best non-lead employees (16,17,17).
They were not only good workers all good at their respective jobs but I also liked them as people, they were all very good kids. Finding/internally promoting employees that fit their position or are as good as them will prove to be quite difficult.
I also have seen some reviews about rude management, and I have seen before her being quite stubborn with customers over things I would have apologized and given them a free item for as the cost is not worth a potentially bad review.
I understand that my fiance is trying to be helpful but all these kids have mentioned that they feel disrespected by my fiance.
When the first 2 quit I thought that maybe it was teen angst but at the third, I realized something needed to be done. Earlier today I chose to be frank with her. I said that there were numerous complaints from employees and that something needed to be done.
She said that we were business people and that we needed to make sure our employees listened. I said that from what I am hearing you are simply being rude to them. She said that that was just her being a good boss. I said that making several employees feel disrespected is not a good decision.
She said that I was being ridiculous and asked where exactly this was coming from. I mentioned that employees had called her a jerk before and that this was bad for business. She mentioned how those employees were just replaceable and I was being ridiculous and that she was upset that I brought up that she was called a jerk, and left. I am starting to think she may be right and I was sort of rude.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and are you sure about this marriage? How a person treats those in hospitality and retail positions says a lot about the kind of person they are. What do you think her attitude about employees and customers says about her? She’s power tripping and it’ll carry over to your marriage.” spideracus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, though you will be if you keep giving her a supervisory role at your mom’s business. It sounds like your fiance’s attitude has created a lot of bad word of mouth for your mom’s business among employees and customers. You can’t claim ignorance now – you know she is a poor manager.
Does she have prior experience or training? Or did she get this role because of your relationship? Some people have innate traits that make them good managers but for most, it’s a learned skill. If you really want her to be there long term then find her another role until she can get some training.
Even scheduling is problematic as a bad scheduler can make employees quit. If training doesn’t help, then she needs to be doing something where she doesn’t interact with unhappy customers or supervise employees.” HowlPen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But OP, I think you need to be realistic about whether your fiance should hold a management position at this business.
Maybe she’s awesome and amazing at scheduling and maybe even at addressing employee concerns – though given your comments I have to wonder. But not everyone is meant to be a manager. Maybe it would help if she spent a few weeks doing the daily job of your regular employees.
But maybe the answer is just she gets demoted to handling scheduling and other back-office issues, and you look for someone else who can eventually be promoted to lead. But losing 3 employees because of your fiancee should be a sign there is a problem and her response that employees are replaceable is a concern.
She isn’t coming at managing from the position of a businessperson (firing, hiring, and training comes at a cost), it sounds like she’s coming at it from the position of someone who enjoys the power she has. And that’s an issue. (I’d also suggest whatever decision you make that you check in with your other employees regularly.
That they know that she doesn’t have hiring and firing say. You don’t want to lose good employees – or money – because no one will tell you the money problems your fiancee or any other family member are causing.)” rak1882
3. AITJ For Wanting My Self-Purchased Computer Back After Mom Confiscated It?
“I (17m) got an HP Victus that was on sale for $600, originally $800. I asked my mother if she would help buy it for me. She said that she would help pay for it but have authority over how I used it or I could pay for it myself and use it however I pleased. I bought it myself with the money that I had saved from my job.
I picked it up from Best Buy and bought a few games.
She got mad at me because she didn’t like where I got the computer from and she didn’t like the fact that I bought games on it after I asked her for gas money.
She agreed that she would pay for gas earlier that year and she was mad at me for holding her to her word. She took it away for a week.
About 9 months before, I was busted for eating in my room, something that my mother hated and she stopped me from eating at night altogether.
Recently I stopped cleaning out my lunch containers because school was getting stressful due to a state competition I was in (Skills USA Teamworks). My mother saw this as proof of me eating in my room and took away my computer and phone (I had bought both) for a week.
I got the phone back but my mother said that she would keep my computer indefinitely because she didn’t like my grades (88 average) or the games I had bought with my own money.
Am I the jerk for wanting it back?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You bought the computer with your own money, and your mom shouldn’t be punishing you for your grades or the games you buy. It sounds like she’s overreacting and controlling. Maybe try explaining to her calmly how you feel and see if you can work out a compromise.
If not, she’s kinda being unfair.” ariaa_amber
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Yes, while it’s true that you need to follow the rules of the house, this shouldn’t entail that she takes things that are legally yours. It’d be no different than taking your books, your bags, or anything else you bought with your own money.
Of course, this eventually would slide into the argument of what’s whose. You own the computer, but she owns the house and electricity, yadda yadda. Brass tacks, the computer, the physical device, are your property. You have both the moral and legal right to get it back.
Not to mention, she took it for semi-petty reasons. Unless it was a repeated offense, she shouldn’t have reacted that way. Also, the thing with forbidding food sounds sketchy, but only because I don’t know your eating habits. If you’re getting enough daily calories, then that’s ehhh no big deal. But if you’re only eating one or two meals a day…that would lean towards questionable territory.” Syckniss
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Hey I’m old so I read this and see your mom is tight on money and mad at her weight or your weight. Unless you all have pest or bug problems because of food outside of the kitchen, the thing about eating food in your room is crazy.
But you do have to clean the containers you aren’t throwing away and saying you’re busy … if you have time for the games you have 20 seconds to clean the container. Mom – we had an agreement – I buy a computer, you buy my gas.
That’s the deal. You reneged. What’s going on here? (But you wouldn’t come here to ask AITJ for wanting your computer back, because duh, so if you said heated things or acted out, own your stuff.)” Typical2sday
2. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Partner Look Through My Phone?
“I have been with my partner for 2 and a half years. Sometime last year she was talking about her friend who regularly looks through her partner’s phone and we both agreed it was an unhealthy thing to do and something neither of us would do.
Last weekend my partner said she thinks I’ve been acting differently and that she wants to look through my phone. I refused and mentioned our previous conversation to her. I tried to get her to talk about how she thinks I’ve been acting differently but she refused. She said she only wants to look through my phone once but I refused again.
The thing is, one of my best friends has been going through some things and he has asked me not to tell anyone. I don’t want to betray his trust by letting my partner see the messages and also I just see it as an unhealthy thing to do.
I told my partner again that I’m not letting her look through my phone but we can talk about why she wants to but she refused and accused me of hiding things from her and said it shouldn’t be a problem for her to look through my phone just this once.
AITJ for not letting my partner go through my phone?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like she wants to find something, whether or not it’s real, and it wouldn’t be “just this once.” People who think that if you have nothing to hide, you should agree to this are being shortsighted. Some people like OP have innocent things hidden to protect someone else’s privacy, or surprise reservations for a restaurant their partner has been wanting to check out.
People who are being deceitful or disloyal to a partner are often very skilled at hiding things in plain sight.” TemptingPenguin369
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t get looking at other people’s phones. It’s weird and paranoid to me. I’ve been with my husband for ten years now and the only reason he’d use my phone is when we’re ordering food through the account which is on my phone.
I don’t like him looking at my screen, even if it’s just cartoons or whatever. It feels invasive. If you can’t trust your partner to behave, don’t be with them.” aizukiwi
Another User Comments:
“As someone who can read into things at times and has insecurity issues I completely avoid looking at my partner’s phone.
If he’s unfaithful he’s going to be unfaithful whether I look or not, and if I do look I’m sure I’ll overthink things and just feel anxious all the time. He doesn’t look at mine either and we trust each other – despite our own struggles.
I think the moment you look through your partner’s phone you start on a downward path – to be clear I don’t mean borrowing their phone, etc, but specifically trying to find evidence of unfaithfulness. I don’t think she’s a jerk for wanting to look, and you’re not for wanting privacy, I do think you both need to talk your sides of it out.
Like you say I’m sorry but a friend is going through something deeply personal and I’m not comfortable in breaking that confidence, and she should talk to you about why she wants to see it so badly so that she can hopefully get some reassurance from you.
I’m going to go with no jerks here even though I think she shouldn’t be wanting to look, I understand having a moment of insecurity.” throwfarfarawayy99
1. AITJ For Suggesting We Could Stay Elsewhere Due To My Daughter's Potty Training Accidents?
“My wife and I have a 2-year-old daughter—let’s call her Anna—and we’re currently on a family vacation in Hawaii with my parents and my in-laws (7 people total).
We are staying at my father’s timeshare, which he periodically invites us to. The two pairs of grandparents adore Anna and seem to get along with each other. Anna is undergoing potty training right now, and as with all potty training, there are occasional accidents.
We arrived in Hawaii two days ago, and she had quite a few accidents – I suspect because she’s dealing with an unfamiliar place and new people. Right before dinner, Anna had an accident on the pullout sofa, which necessitated a call to housekeeping to swap out sheets and cushions.
My dad wasn’t happy.
When all 7 of us sat down shortly afterward for dinner, my dad sat down and the first thing out of his mouth was, “Anna is out of control, isn’t she.” Bear in mind Anna was sitting right across from him at the table.
I let it slide and continued eating, and my wife said something to try to brush it off. Then, my dad suggested that we put Anna back in diapers and that she not be allowed on the bed or the couch. I responded by saying that I didn’t want to do that and that potty training is a process that has highs and lows.
My dad then remarked that it would be problematic if she had an accident on the carpet because it’d be hard to clean up. In my mind, I thought to myself, “So you don’t want her on the bed, couch, or carpet—where is she supposed to hang out the whole time, the bathroom??” At that point, I was frustrated and said something to the extent of, “If Anna’s accidents are too big of a problem, we can always find another place to stay.”
That’s when my dad blew up. He accused me of threatening him and of being disrespectful. It seemed that he took my suggestion as a threat of leaving, and he made it very clear that he felt offended. He also said that I needed to “be careful with what you say and show respect to your parents.” I responded by repeatedly telling him that I didn’t threaten him nor intend for him to be threatened. He responded that “it doesn’t matter what your intent was, because I feel threatened.” At this point, I was really upset, so I said something I probably shouldn’t have, remarking that he was “too easily threatened.”
My dad then demanded that I apologize to him. I didn’t feel that I had to, but I half-heartedly apologized because I wanted the argument to end and because it was making things super uncomfortable for my in-laws who were also sitting at the table and eating dinner through all of this.
Later that evening my dad pulled me aside again and lectured me further about the argument.
It seemed that the whole blowup happened in response to my remark that we could stay elsewhere if my dad couldn’t tolerate Anna’s potty-training accidents. AITJ for saying that?”
Another User Comments:
“Potty training at someone else’s vacation home and having them deal with your daughter’s accidents is the rude gesture here. You’re holding everyone else hostage to having to live with your daughter’s messes. You should put her back in diapers and potty train her when you’re back at your house.
Why should the grandparents have to put up with having to sit on dirty wet smelly couches because your daughter has accidents? Yes, you’re threatening to leave and the response from your father was overboard but you not changing the routine for the vacation is pretty entitled on your part.
ESH.” Even_Enthusiasm7223
Another User Comments:
“ESH. You should stay somewhere else. You obviously do not respect other people’s property. Letting a child pee on furniture is not a normal part of potty training and doesn’t need to be tolerated by others. And you were being emotionally manipulative by saying y’all would go somewhere else to make everyone cater to you.
Your dad was the jerk by not discussing the issue appropriately and instead making passive-aggressive, and then aggressive remarks. Personally, I would have called your bluff, said “aloha” and met you for some activities and to play with grandkid at the park. Put a diaper on your child until she is potty trained and not having accidents everywhere.
Gross.” maybeRaeMaybeNot
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You do know your dad is going to have to pay for all that urine-soaked furniture, carpet, etc? It isn’t even just his home. It’s a timeshare. It will have to be cleaned so the next person isn’t dealing with urine stains and smells.
What you will tolerate in your own home as the parent of a toddler and what someone will tolerate in their very expensive vacation home (in Hawaii even modest accommodations are expensive) are two very different things. Also, you did threaten your father so why are you trying to gaslight him when he pointed that out?
Finally, you are a jerk as a father because 2 is young to potty train under the best of circumstances and certainly vacation is not the best of circumstances. Try being grateful for free accommodations in Hawaii or go pay for your own.” Glass_Ear_8049
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