People Feel Antagonized Over These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
23. AITJ For Moving Back To The Room I Paid For On A Cruise?
“My best friend’s little sister, Tee, called me for advice a few months ago and when we were talking she told me about a cruise discount through her job.
I thought she was inviting me. I said great, I’ll go. She never backtracked or hinted anything was wrong.
Fast forward a few weeks, the two staterooms are confirmed and we are each getting a room. Cool! I don’t think of it again.
Fast forward a month or so, and Tee invites two more girls that I only know in passing. That’s fine. In my mind, we will have two rooms between the two.
Now we are on the cruise. The first day, Tee looked at me when we were in our room and said “I thought I’d have my own room and you’d bunk with the other two.” I was like huh?
Why would we cram 3 people into one room when we have two between us? She responds “Oh I imagined I’d have my room” I was blindsided and upset because it started to feel like I was invited just to pay some money for a room but not being respected. This is where I may be the jerk.
I knew my tone was rude when I told her well I’m going to make sure I’m okay and I don’t want to sleep on a couch. Tee looked at me and said, “Well, you invited yourself on this trip.” I was shocked, why would I invite myself on a trip with you?
Anyway, I gave in and moved to the second room with the promise that it’d be big enough to hold four people. It’s not. It’s big enough for two. So very uncomfortable. I’ll admit I got petty and stopped speaking to Tee.
The group had already tried to cut me out of every activity anyway.
After a few days of stumbling over the other girls and talking with friends, not in the issue, I decided to move back to the room I intended to stay in originally.
I open the door and Tee goes off on me. Saying I’m a bully, she’ll never talk to me again,n and that I’m going to lose my friendship with her sister. FYI I’ve been good friends with her sister since college.
This is how we were put into contact. I tell her I don’t care if that’s how she wants to threaten me. To lose a friend for standing up for myself isn’t a loss in my opinion.
What kind of friend is she to the other two as well?
One of the girls is sleeping on a hard couch that I had to call and request get turned into a pull-out bed. She told me she was going to call and pull the discount off my name to force me to pay full price (the discount was from a job she no longer has) for another room.
Then she started crying so we couldn’t conclude. I left and told her maybe one of the other girls could room with her.
My thing is if she could get multiple rooms why wouldn’t she get each of us our own cabin rooms?
Why are the three of us being forced to share one little room?
She never communicated that she didn’t want me to come. She put me in the stateroom with her. Never communicated her plan to have the 3 of us bunk together. Never gave me the option to back out.
Tee says that she thought the rooms would be bigger.
So AITJ? This is my perspective so ask questions if unclear.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ did you pay a discounted price for a whole room? So unless you are paying 1/3 of the price for that one room you are sharing, It sounds like she’s got the 3 of you to pay for her trip.
Either way, she sounds like a selfish brat.” Lia_Delphine
Another User Comments:
“It’s been some time since I went on a cruise, but aren’t the rooms assigned to specific people at the time of booking? Perhaps not the stateroom number, but the people are placed together.
Pricing is different for single occupancy vs. double, and a cruise line would not allow 3 names to go in a double occupancy room. Unless something has drastically changed since I last cruised, the friend would have had to pay more for being single in a double room.” TitaniaT-Rex
Another User Comments:
“From what you’ve shared, this sounds like a mix of miscommunication, mismatched expectations, and some poor decision-making on Tee’s part. I don’t think you’re inherently in the wrong for being upset about how things played out, but there are a few points worth unpacking.
First, Tee seems to have mishandled the planning from the start. If she genuinely didn’t want you on the trip, she should have been clear about that when the cruise was first mentioned. The fact that she didn’t push back or clarify when you said, “Great, I’ll go,” is on her.
If there was a misunderstanding, it needed to be addressed early—before bookings were made. Her silence left you under the impression that you were being invited, and any assumptions you made were natural based on her lack of clarification. Second, the way she structured the room arrangements is baffling.
If the group had access to two staterooms, why didn’t she account for everyone’s comfort? The decision to cram three people into one small room when another was available makes little sense, especially given how awkward it would obviously be. If she envisioned having her own space, that should’ve been discussed explicitly.
Instead, she sprang it on you mid-cruise, which understandably blindsided you. Your reaction to her comment about “inviting yourself” is also valid. Tee had plenty of time to communicate if she felt uncomfortable or unhappy with your involvement. Instead, she let it fester and then weaponized it against you later, which isn’t fair.
Her approach seems passive-aggressive—avoiding confrontation initially, only to lash out when things didn’t go her way.” User
22. AITJ For Leaving Thanksgiving Dinner Over Dad's Weight Jokes?
“I (26M) love my family. They’re my world to me, my everything, and I never turn down any opportunity to spend time with them.
I always look forward to Thanksgiving because who wouldn’t? I get to eat a bunch of delicious food with the people I love more than anything. But my dad (51M) has changed recently. He’s been pointing out weird stuff like how I’ve been gaining weight and look heavier.
He even made a joke that I should be this year’s turkey.
Obviously I told him this wasn’t okay and it was making me really uncomfortable. I’m really self-conscious about my weight and for him to poke fun at it makes me sad. My dad has always been supportive of me, saying he’d love me no matter what, but now he’s ridiculing me just because I’m a bit bigger.
When I asked him to stop, he told me I was being ridiculous, coming at him for making a joke. I thought that I had explained it to him calmly, but he insisted I was being unreasonable. I even talked to my mom about it (49F) and she said not to take it so seriously.
We were preparing for the meal today when he laughed and told me “OP, this turkey looks almost as fat as you” and that’s when I just snapped. I told him I was sick of him treating me like this and that if this is what I had to deal with then I wasn’t going to eat Thanksgiving dinner with the family.
I said I was not comfortable with eating such a big dinner around them if my dad was constantly going to be pointing out my weight. My dad argued he just wanted to joke around and help me be as healthy as possible, and my mom told me not to overreact and ruin an important holiday for the family.
I left after that, and I don’t plan on coming back for Thanksgiving, but I feel bad for ruining the holiday for them. Thanksgiving has always been important for our family, but I just couldn’t take the comments anymore. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- If the person the ‘joke’ is about isn’t able to laugh along, then it’s not a joke; it’s bullying.
And in what universe is shaming your weight helping you to be healthy? The dad is the jerk as well as the mom for being more concerned about a picture-perfect holiday than her own family.” Alamoraine
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Don’t you just love it when people make fun of you ‘for your own good’?
Because heavy people have no idea that they’re heavy and must be taunted into making good choices because that always works. Sorry, your dad’s a jerk and your mom supported him, OP. This is the only way to enforce your boundaries. You tell them that you will not be the butt of a joke, and if they keep doing it, you leave or hang up the phone.
Every time. Any friends who could add a plate for you at their Thanksgiving celebration? I hope you have a great Thanksgiving, despite the rough start.” MurnSwag2
And, if u are on the bigger side, maybe, for ur health, it is time to cut back on such big meals. More weight means ur heart and other organs have to work harder. Instead of getting offended, how about taking a true look at urself and determining if u do need to lose weight. And then talk to ur parents without involving emotions.
21. AITJ For Refusing To Fix My Nephew's Computer Without Full Payment From His Mother?
“So here’s the deal. I’m a tech guy, and I make decent money, but my wife’s family isn’t well off. I’ve been trying to help out where I can, especially with her younger siblings’ kids (15 and 11).
Last year, the 15-year-old asked me to build him a computer.
The family gave me a budget of $200, which is pretty much impossible to work with for a decent gaming rig, but I tried.
I gave him my old RTX 2070 (I bought myself a new card a few months later), put together a bunch of other stuff I had lying around, and used a really old motherboard/CPU.
The budget bought a case, a power supply, and a decent SSD.
Out of the blue, my sister-in-law dropped the broken PC off at my house and expects me to fix it, no questions asked, please about it. I work 50 hours a week, have my own kids, and am dealing with some medical issues.
So time is a luxury these days, and I’m really stretched thin, but I understand that they can’t afford to have it professionally fixed.
I finally find the time to look at it and realize that the motherboard is fried. Due to the age, getting a replacement board isn’t really an intelligent option, but I can upgrade the machine for about 228 CAD for a new mobo/CPU, which I think is a fair price.
I tell my sister-in-law (the mom) about the cost, and she tells me to either fix the old one or make it cheaper. At this point, I’m done with patching together old, unreliable stuff, and I don’t have time to play around trying to re-solder new capacitors on a motherboard that’s hitting 13 years old.
I tell her that I’m willing to pitch in $100 for Christmas, but she’s going to have to come up with the rest of the money herself.
Now here’s the kicker: My wife’s sister is a substance user. Her parents give them all a place to live and pay for most of her bills, but she doesn’t have a full-time job and any money she does get she spends on partying.
So, she has no intention of giving me any money and expects me to foot the entire bill.
I don’t want to see my nephew suffer, especially since that computer is probably the only refuge he has from his bad living situation, but at the same time, I’ve already done a lot, and I just can’t keep enabling his mother.
She does this with her parents, she does it with my wife, and she’s trying to do it with me.
I’ve put my foot down, but my wife thinks we should just pay it, and the grandparents have already stepped in to tell me they can pay me back in her stead.
I’m conflicted because I don’t want her parents to pay me, I want HER to pay me and stop being a darn leech and expecting free handouts, especially when she’s going around telling her kids that “only idiots go to college” while literally in my presence.
So AITJ if I put my foot down and refuse to fix the computer without full payment?”
Another User Comments:
“She’s a substance user with a habitually parasitical lifestyle. She’s not going to stop being “a darn leech”. This is a question for your wider family – to what extent is the family willing to subsidize her nonsense to keep her alive and a somewhat functional presence in her children’s lives vs to what extent are they willing to go nuclear (for example, cut her off and seek custody of the children).
NTJ.” _mmiggs_
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here question where’s the GoFundMe link because I’ll gladly throw in some money to help alleviate some of the cost for this for 100%. I usually pick a kid from the angel tree but I’ve gone blind in the past two years and haven’t been able to do that, and I would love the opportunity to help a child out for Christmas so please tell me how I can get some sort of money to you.” HateKilledTheDinos.
Another User Comments:
“Your nephew is a victim and all this the grandparents have said they’d help pay I think you should do what you can to fix the computer but get the money from the grandparents up front. And also you said that the mother is a substance user.
I know you have your kids and stuff to do… But if any of my nieces were living with a substance user, I would be going for custody. I know that can be complicated but I’m afraid I would be doing everything I could to get that kid out of there.
I know that’s not what you asked about but I couldn’t leave any of my nieces with a substance user for any amount of time and we’ll be doing all I can to get her out of there I think you should do what you can to fix the computer, if the grandparents want to help with that let them.
That nephew needs you!” LadyAronna
20. AITJ For Not Inviting My Disrespectful Cousin To My Annual Family Gathering?
“I 32F host my and my husband’s family at our home every year.
It is a lot of work and a lot of prep, but I enjoy hosting and have been doing it for 6 years now. However, this year I do not want to invite my little cousin who is 29M but acts about 6. The party starts at 3 pm but he arrives before noon.
This would not be a big deal but he spreads himself out on the couch, takes off his stinky shoes, and watches TV. He also acts like I am his servant just because I am hosting and requests water and snacks while he sits on his fat behind.
I am running around the kitchen dealing with enough and I don’t need him there. The worst part is how disrespectful he is.
At dinner, he chews with his mouth open and talks loudly over everyone. He takes seconds before anyone gets firsts and thirds before anyone gets seconds, which isn’t a big deal since I have lots of food but still is disrespectful.
He also rates the food I make out loud and critiques it. After dinner, the night is far from over and he stays the night because he claims it is too long of a drive. Bruh, it’s an hour of traffic! My husband and I try to make the best of it but he is always inebriated and snores so loud during the night.
Plus, his breath smells and he vomits everywhere. No, we do not sleep in the same room, yes we can still hear and smell him very clearly. I did not invite him but invited everyone else. They all asked why and I explained myself saying that if he wanted to act like an adult he could still come but he refused saying it is just how he is and I should learn to love him for it.
I know nobody is perfect, but come on.”
Another User Comments:
“I have no idea why you would wait on him when he’s family and is capable of getting himself a drink or snack; why wouldn’t hubby serve him since he’s HIS cousin? Regardless, all of those behaviors are gross and your husband should have shut him down the first time he critiqued you, and shame on hubby for not doing so.
If you do invite a cousin or he invites himself: 1) If he shows up at noon, don’t open the door and tell him to come back at 3. 2) If he makes a criticism, immediately tell him to stop. 3) he has to leave when dinner and dessert are over, ask someone to drive him home if he won’t leave.
You’re NTJ but your hubby needs a backbone.” HorseygirlWH
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is what I love about the younger generations, we don’t see the need to keep up pointless traditions with toxic people. He’s a terrible guest. If you want to be invited somewhere, it’s common sense and basic decency to make yourself an appealing addition to the gathering.
Any family members who whine about him not being invited should be immediately told they are more than welcome to host their dinner with the guest list of their choosing. If he shows up, tell him he has the wrong address, wish him a happy Thanksgiving, and close the door and lock it.” Sleepwalker0304
19. AITJ For Rejecting A Kitten Gift From My Parents After My Cat Passed Away?
“My partner 31F and I 30F recently lost a beloved family member our nearly 20-year-old cat.
I’ve always said that when she passed, I might consider adopting elderly cats. I’ve had her since I was 10 and took over full-time care when I was 21. She passed away a week ago, and we’ve been in deep mourning ever since.
The day after she passed, my dad knocked on our door.
My partner answered and asked why he was there. He said, “I just felt like giving you a hug.” They hugged, and then she told me he was there. I hugged him too, and he said, “Your mum came down too.” I said it was lovely of them to visit.
That’s when my mum walked through the entryway, smiling and holding a cat carrier. My partner immediately looked concerned and asked, “You haven’t?” I asked if they had brought down our other cat, but they said no. After this, I realized they were trying to gift us a kitten, the same breed as our recently passed cat.
My partner and I were both shocked/upset. I told them we appreciated the thought but didn’t want it.
They asked if they could bring the kitten inside to use the litter box since it had been in the car for an hour. Reluctantly, we agreed, which we now regret.
I didn’t want the poor kitten to suffer because of this. They told us the kitten was only eight weeks old and needed a home. They also mentioned it was already litter-trained all while placing it in the litter box. They said they thought we’d like it.
I reiterated that while we appreciated the thought, it had only been just over a day since our cat passed. My mum chuckled at this. When I saw the tiny kitten trying to climb out of the litter box, I started crying. My partner asked if I wanted to step into the other room to calm down.
I went to get a drink and compose myself.
Meanwhile, my partner repeatedly asked them to take it and leave. Instead, they kept talking about how cute it was and tried to get her to hold it. My dad said he’d get it but just wandered around following it, hands in his pockets.
Finally, my partner raised her voice, telling them firmly to pick up the kitten and leave. I returned to console her, and at that point, they finally picked up the kitten and headed out. I followed them to make sure they were leaving. My mum was already in the car, and my dad lingered at the door.
While saying goodbye, he apologized, saying my mum was sorry as well. He asked, “Will you ever want a new cat?” I replied, “I’m not sure, but if we do, it won’t be that kitten.” After that, I went back inside to console my partner.
Now my parents are messaging me, first trying to pretend it didn’t happen. Then I asked for space when responding I was in a mood over a kitten and it was out of love. I’ve asked them for space, but they aren’t respecting it.
Meanwhile, my partner is worried that she overreacted and lost her composure. I can’t shake the feeling that I messed up with my parents. Their persistent messages begging me to reconnect only make things worse. I keep questioning if I overreacted to what they did.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t understand why people who don’t live with ever think it’s acceptable to gift a pet. It’s one thing if you said you would like a new pet right away, but to just go out and do that without even talking to your partner?
I’m so sorry for your loss.” Unhappy-Quail-2645
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I put down my beloved dog last week. We got him when he was 10 and gave him 4 years of comfort and joy. My wife and I agreed we wanted another dog, but not right now.
I find it very callous of your parents to assume you could cover up the pain of losing your fur baby by immediately replacing it with a kitten. Maybe they did initially do it out of love and didn’t read the room at first, at which point they could have just apologized and been on their way.
But, they keep pushing your boundaries, and that’s plain disrespectful. I’d go so far as to go low contact with them both until they learn to respect your boundaries and let you and your partner grieve in peace.” R4eth
Another User Comments:
“First, I want to say I’m so sorry for your loss.
Losing a beloved pet, especially one who’s been with you for nearly two decades, is a deeply emotional experience. It’s clear that you and your partner are still in the early stages of mourning, and having your boundaries disregarded during such a sensitive time must have been incredibly frustrating.
Your parents’ intentions may have been rooted in love, but their actions were, unfortunately, thoughtless. Bringing a kitten to your home without prior discussion—especially so soon after your cat’s passing—was inappropriate. Grief is personal, and it’s not something you can rush through or “fix” with a surprise.
By showing up uninvited with a kitten, they not only ignored your emotional needs but also made an already painful situation more complicated.
That said, it’s important to remember that their actions likely stemmed from a desire to comfort you, even if they went about it the wrong way.
The fact that they chose a kitten of the same breed as your late cat suggests they thought this would be a meaningful gesture. While misguided, their intent doesn’t appear malicious. Your reaction was entirely valid. Setting boundaries is not overreacting—it’s self-care, especially when you’re grieving.
You clearly communicated that you appreciated their thoughtfulness but didn’t want the kitten. Unfortunately, they ignored this multiple times, trying to push their agenda instead of respecting your wishes. It’s understandable that you became upset, and it’s commendable that you maintained composure as long as you did.
Your partner raising her voice was not an overreaction, either. After being ignored repeatedly, her frustration was justified. What stands out here is the lack of respect for your autonomy and emotional space. Grief is already exhausting, and having to repeatedly explain yourself to someone who isn’t listening only adds to the burden.
Your parents’ persistent messaging afterward—first pretending it didn’t happen and then dismissing your feelings as a “mood over a kitten”—further invalidates your emotions. It’s okay to feel upset by their behavior.” User
18. AITJ For Wanting My Brother's Partner And Her Mother To Move Out?
“Me (31m) and my brother (28m) have an apartment together. His partner (27f) and her mother (60f) needed to stay for a few months to get their financial situation together. They were only supposed to stay for 3 months, but now it’s been 6 months.
His partner has stepped on my toes several times since living here.
She’s invited her sister (23F who has a kid who she doesn’t know who the father is, and she’s stolen from her family several times) over without my permission, and tried to get her to stay with us for a week. I told her no and ever since then she’s been acting distant toward me.
Her mother already has a new partner and he has an apartment, but still, her materials take up a lot of space in our apartment. My living room looks like a storage unit now.
I’ve been getting several noise complaints from my downstairs neighbors, she stomps and she’s loud vocally early in the morning.
We have extremely thin flooring/walls and I’ve asked her several times to stop stomping when she walks and to be quieter in the morning. She does this 2 hours before I have to wake up for work, and throughout the day. She catches an attitude and still does it, and my younger brother doesn’t do anything about it.
Neither she or her mother cleans after themselves in the kitchen or the trash.
Even when I try to say hi, she just says hi and runs off into the room she and her mother stay in. She doesn’t speak to me at all, and it feels like there is tension in my apartment.
Would I be a jerk for asking them to move out of our apartment?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I would suggest you sit your brother down and tell him that this is not working for you. So he has to make a choice: either his partner and mom move out ASAP, or you will move out to your apartment as soon as the lease is up.
Then let him choose. Does he want to support his partner and her mom solo? Then he can let them stay and you can move out. But if he would rather keep living with you and have your financial help to split costs, then he needs to be firm with his partner and get her out.
Whatever you do, do NOT sign another lease until they are 100% out of the apartment. That needs to be your hard line because it is your exit. They need to be completely gone, all their things moved out before you will resign any lease. Otherwise, they’re likely to say that they’re planning to move out until you resign, at which point their plans will amazingly “fall through” and they’ll have “no choice” but to keep living with you.” CrewelSummer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and the stomping sounds like it is on purpose. She has overstayed her welcome. She would move in with her whole family if you would have let her. I would think all of this would be a red flag for your brother but that is HIS problem.
Time for everyone not on the lease to leave.” catladyclub
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like you’re being used hardcore, man. You let your brother’s mooch partner over-run your own home, and it looks like there’s no end in sight. Take control of your life again and evict these parasites.
You’ve given them way more grace than they deserve and it’s time to say “Enough’s enough!”. I hope you can give them the boot sooner rather than later. It sucks moving in the winter time so I’d get on that quick! NTJ” halez1026
17. AITJ For Asking My Mom To Stop Badmouthing My Dad?
“Growing up, my (16f) dad (54m), was pretty emotionally absent. He had bipolar and was a heavy drinker with anger issues and would constantly start arguments. My mom had a divorce with him when I was 13. Since then, he’s slowly gotten better with his anger, cutting down on booze and spending time with me and spending a lot of money on me despite only seeing me every other weekend.
Ever since the divorce, my mom (54f) has been telling me about how she thinks he’s a narcissist, how he’s gaslit her, poked fun at her, and all sorts of terrible things that weren’t necessarily true or untrue.
Lately, as my dad has been much better, and my mom still says terrible things about him, I’m noticing not all of it’s true.
Especially the narcissist accusation. And it hurts. As much as my dad’s previous parenting hurts, and hurts her, I think she needs to let go. It’s almost like she’s trying to convince me all the good things he does is lies, and that it will all end that he’s just doing it because he’s lonely and doesn’t want to lose me.
I know this isn’t true, I know he cares about me and he’s admitted to the bad things he’s done to us growing up. We sat down and talked about it and he was tearing up.
So, considering this I have multiple times sat down with her and asked her to stop talking about my dad altogether.
I had to keep bringing it up because she kept doing it. At this point, I don’t know what to do. I understand she’s hurt, and also upset at the things he currently does, such as won’t pick me up from my new school because it’s too far, calling her a jerk for leaving me when I was in a very vulnerable state and other things.
Any advice is appreciated and if you need more context let me know.”
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like you’re stuck between both parents’ hurt, but it’s okay to set boundaries with your mom. While she’s hurting, it’s unfair for her to project her issues onto you, especially if your dad is trying to make amends.
You’ve already communicated your feelings, she needs to respect that. You’re not wrong for wanting a healthier space to process your relationship with him.” Cuddle_Softie
Another User Comments:
“I don’t care what anyone says, NTJ!! You’re her *DAUGHTER* NOT her *FRIEND* I’m 17 with almost the exact situation as you.
That’s still your father, even though that’s her ex-husband. She needs to stop treating you like a friend to gossip about her ex too. Don’t be afraid to set your boundaries firmly but respectfully, from experience, no matter her response.” Expensive-Love-6785
Another User Comments:
“NTJ My parents got divorced after my mom was unfaithful. My dad could have very easily badmouthed her to me, but he never did. At the end of the day, that is my mom and it’s up to me to decide what kind of relationship I want to have with her.
The same goes for you. Sounds like your dad made some pretty big mistakes, but he is also trying to be better and be there for you. Your mom needs to respect that he is your father and you want a relationship with him. It’s fine if she wants nothing more to do with him outside of sharing parenting duties, but she cannot try to force that on you. Your dad also can’t go around calling your mother names.
I would set that same boundary with him.” Fantastic-Focus-7056
Your mom is just trying to warn you.
16. AITJ For Not Firing My Babysitter Who Drove My Kids Without Car Seats During An Emergency?
“My ex and I have 3 kids, 4, 3, and 1. I have a regular babysitter, Emma, to watch the kids 3 days a week from 6:30 pm/7:30 am. She gets the kids ready for bed after dinner, gets them in bed, gets them up and dressed in the mornings, and gets them breakfast. Emma never has to drive the kids so we never got her car seats.
Last week there was a gas leak. The police and fire department were banging on the doors telling everyone to evacuate. Emma called me but I don’t have my phone on me at work. She called my work but the front desk isn’t the best at picking up the phone at night.
At that point, she grabbed the kids and took them to Walmart, 5 miles away, and bought car seats, diapers, a change of clothes for everyone, and some other essentials (I reimbursed her). She installed the car seats and brought the kids to my work. I was able to take a few minutes to find somewhere for her to take the kids for the night and the rest of the night went smoothly.
The kids went to their dad’s house a couple of days after and told him they got to ride in Emma’s car without car seats. My ex called to ask about it and I explained that there was a gas leak, they were under mandatory evacuation, and she got them car seats as soon as possible.
He asked why she didn’t have car seats and I told him that in the 8 months that she has been working for me, she never had to drive them before this and I can’t afford to spend $700 on car seats that are going to live in the garage.
He asked what I did to Emma about her driving them without car seats and I told him I didn’t do anything since she didn’t have another choice. He’s mad that I didn’t fire her and wants to try to get full custody because he doesn’t trust me or her to take care of the kids anymore (he’s a weekend dad).
AITJ for not firing her because she drove the kids without car seats?”
Another User Comments:
“He’s wrong. Emma was incredibly responsible and did exactly what she needed to do. Even if you had car seats in the garage, there’s no saying she could have got them.
It was an instant and mandatory evacuation. So unless she already had them in her car, it wouldn’t have mattered. She deserves gratitude and appreciation. Your ex is so very very wrong. NTJ.” corgihuntress
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Emma made the best decision given the circumstances.
You and your ex need to talk about the car seat situation. I’m a stickler for car seats, we had a very expensive one sitting in the garage for that exact reason. But 1. you should buy a cheap car seat to use in a pinch and 2.
if he cares that much he should be paying for at least half of it. Your ex is misdirecting his anger at the wrong person. The fault is with you and him.” sleepy965
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like you have an incredibly competent babysitter.
Frankly you should have had the car seats in case of emergency, but I don’t blame you as it is not a small expense for a “what if” scenario. Overall, your husband can be upset all he wants, but everybody reacted reasonably, and no court would adjust your custody based on your husband’s irrational ravings.” ncslazar7
Then, on top of that, she spent her OWN money for YOUR kids????? And u and he want to punish her???? Wow. Just wow. Yall do not deserve her. Fire her and let her sue u.
15. AITJ For Asking My Roommates To Stop Complaining About Noise In Our Shared Home?
“Me (f26) and my husband Seth (m29) have been living with another couple Rose (f30) and Tim (m32) for the past 3 years.
We were friends before we were roommates and due to the horrific cost of living, we decided to rent a place together.
Seth and I love them very much and we believe they love us too, but we have been bombarded with complaints through the time that we have lived together.
Neither of the couples is without blame and we all have done things that are not great roommate behavior. But this isn’t about the things that we or the other couple do wrong. This is about the constant expectations that are being given to us regularly to pretty much not make any noise.
I’m talking if the floor creaks when I get up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, Rose and Tim will complain that I disturbed them. If our cat gets the zoomies upstairs before nighttime they will complain to us that it’s annoying.
Or if Seth (he leaves before everyone in the morning), accidentally makes noise while exiting the house due to darkness and simple human error. Or when she decides to take a nap during the day and asks us not to make any noise.
I am a very chill person, I’m not going to go out of my way to disturb them in the middle of the night.
We moved all of our bedroom furniture to another room so it wouldn’t bother them at night. We block the door so my cat can’t get the zoomies at night. My husband parks his motorcycle outside so that the garage door doesn’t disturb them.
We are genuinely trying our best to not bother them and to keep our pets from doing the same. Of course, we make noise sometimes. We are human. The floor will creak and our kitten will run. I don’t want to be made to feel guilty almost every night anymore.
I don’t want to keep apologizing for making noise in my own home without any ill intention. I don’t know if they’re overreacting or if I’m underreacting. WIBTJ to ask her to stop complaining about it all the time?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but still take some other approach to handling the situation. Being friends and living together are different things. Seems to me like you are not compatible with the latter but of course, you still want to be friends with them and not lose that.
The only solution for this is to openly talk with each other. And move out. And stay the good friends that you are in every way. If every side just swallows the problems until there is a limit reached, this could have sad consequences.” DonWilliam77
14. AITJ For Letting My Kids Debate My Decisions?
“My ex and I have 2 kids, 7m and 5f. We have very different parenting styles. He’s very authoritative and, while I wouldn’t call myself permissive, I try to give the kids as much control in their day-to-day lives as possible.
Something new that I’ve been trying with the kids is that I tell them nearly all of my decisions are up for debate; meaning if they could understand my reasoning for my decision but come up with a respectful well thought compromise or argument, I may change my mind.
An example of this happened the other day. My son asked for an icee and I said no. He asked why and I told him it had too much sugar and I didn’t want to spend my money on it. He went to his room and came back 10 minutes later asking if I could take him to get an idea if he gets 100% on his practice spelling test, buy the icee with his own money, and skip dessert for the next 2 nights.
I decided that was a fair agreement that addressed my concerns and was presented respectfully, he completed his end of the bargain with his spelling test and getting the money out of his bank, and he got an idea. The next day he asked for dessert but accepted it when I reminded him that he said 2 days without dessert in exchange for the ice.
My ex hates that I’m doing this. The kids ask why he makes every decision and try to come to an agreement with him for everything. He told me to stop and that I’m encouraging the kids to try to undermine his parenting but I’m trying to teach them critical thinking and problem-solving skills and to question/challenge authority.
He’s trying to spin this into me turning the kids against him and threatened to take me back to court if I don’t stop. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but be very aware of the possible complications of this. Children do not have properly developed brains or reasoning skills.
They can grasp some things depending on age but especially during their teenage years children have a limited ability to think rationally compared to an adult. They need structure and routine and sometimes things are not up for debate. Things related to their personal safety or societal norms. You can have nice robust conversations but keep in mind they will turn into teenagers and they may not apply this level of fairness to future negotiations.
You might end up with 15-year-olds that will try and negotiate out of anything and not be willing to listen to reason.” VulpesVulpes
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Yet. This sub seems to skew younger – a lot of people who aren’t parents. So of course, they think it’s great that you’re teaching kids to “think for themselves” and “question authority.” To a certain extent that can be a good thing.
But… Sometimes no means no. And sometimes, we have to do things that other people tell us we have to do. That’s an important lesson for people – children and adults – to learn too. If you’re saying that everything you say is “up for debate,” you are setting yourself (and your ex) up to be argued with constantly.
Your children will “lawyer” you about everything. You need to find a happy medium here. Fwiw, I have 2 kids – ages 12 and 18. I think we found a happy medium between “because I said so” and negotiating every decision. You and your ex can too.” Rredhead926
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. There are a million ways to teach children all the things you’re pretending your way accomplishes. Also, what are you telling your kids consistently that can be challenged by a 2nd grader and kindergartener? You’re not teaching them to “question everything” or whatever, you’re just teaching them to drive everyone up the wall to get what they want.
Instead of your kids listening to you as the adult in the room, the person they should look up to in times of duress/trouble, you’re just a game to them and an obstacle to clearing to get what they want. There’s a time and place to teach our young people to question authority figures, but so much of a young person’s development is based around the community (teachers, coaches, religious/community leaders, elders, neighbors, elder family members, etc) investing and putting time into them.
Nobody’s going to want to deal with insufferable kids who are just going to weasel their way into always getting their way/what they want at every junction in life. And yes, I have a 1st grader who’s creative, hard-working, smart, compassionate, and respectful to others and she sure doesn’t question what I say.
And an almost 3-year-old who seems like she’s well on her way to being the same. Having healthy boundaries and structure enables her to not live in chaos have drive in gymnastics and school, and be pleasant around the house. My children will learn the complexities of life’s issues like challenging the status quo and whatnot at an age-appropriate time, as opposed to plaguing them with adult-esque issues before they’ve learned multiplication tables.
This type of stuff reads like you get your parenting ideas from social media and just come to the most mentally ill social media platform for validation.” motoyolo
13. AITJ For Losing My Temper With My Autistic Brother Who Keeps Annoying Me?
“So, I (16M) have a younger brother, Jake (14M), who’s on the autism spectrum and has level two autism.
Jake is generally a lovely lad, but he has this infuriating habit of purposely trying to wind me up. He’ll poke me when I’m trying to concentrate, make loud noises when I’m on a call with mates, or even nick my stuff and hide it just for a laugh.
I get that he doesn’t always understand boundaries, but he knows exactly what he’s doing when he’s being annoying. The other day, I was trying to study for a big exam, and he kept barging into my room, flicking the lights on and off, and giggling like it was the funniest thing ever.
I tried to ignore him, but after the tenth time, I lost it and shouted at him to “give it a rest already!”
Jake just stared at me like I was the villain and wandered off. My parents overheard and told me I needed to be more patient with him because “he doesn’t know better” and that I shouldn’t take it to heart.
They said I should “set a better example” since I’m older.
I honestly felt well frustrated because it seems like Jake gets away with being a pain just because he’s autistic. I know I shouldn’t lose my temper, but it’s hard when I’m trying to do something important and he’s constantly interrupting me.
Some of my mates think I was justified in my reaction because everyone has their limits and I shouldn’t be expected to put up with his behavior indefinitely. Others think I was a jerk for losing my cool and that I should find better ways to cope and communicate with him.
So, AITJ for getting mad at my brother for trying to annoy me, or should I have handled it differently?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Autistic or not, Jake needs to learn proper standards of behavior. Being on the spectrum means that you can’t pick up on social cues as easily, but it doesn’t mean that you’re incapable of behaving.
Something as simple as “Don’t mess with the lights when someone is relying on them,” is well within Jake’s capabilities. Your parents are doing him a huge disservice by treating him like a three-year-old. What’s he going to do in four years when he gets a job and starts getting yelled at for acting like a toddler?
That having been said, I think you could have escalated the warnings by starting with a, “Please cut that out,” and escalating from there, as opposed to ignoring him before just shouting at him.” SomeoneYouDontKnow70
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m not a doctor but from some basic research, it doesn’t seem like your brother would be incapable of knowing he shouldn’t be doing that.
I think your parents might be enabling him. My mom would always tell me to ignore when my little brother was being a pain because “he’s just trying to get a rise out of me”. They would never address the behavior. It seems like the same thing is happening here because of some medical confusion” Ninjastarkid
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is your parent’s fault. They are choosing to take the easy road and not parent him. So they are enabling his bad behavior. They are not helping your brother either. They should be working with him to manage his behavior instead of letting it go unchecked. This will be a problem as he matures.” WhereWeretheAdults
12. AITJ For Wanting To Tell My Incompetent Coworker To Find A New Job?
“Me (20f) and my coworker (26f) work with children with special needs. I assist in overseeing a small class, and she is in a 1-on-1 position with a child who has severe needs.
Here is the problem: She is absolutely the worst at her job. She has zero instinct for how to take care of this child. She constantly asks me for advice on how to improve, but any advice I give her seems to go in one ear and out the other.
For example, the kid she works with only positively responds when an instructor is using a positive, playful voice. But no matter how many times I’ve reminded her of that or shown her examples, she uses a very angry voice to scold the child. In our job, you’re not supposed to use hard no-s.
You’re supposed to redirect (give the student a new task that replaces the problem behavior). I’ve reminded her of this countless times, but it doesn’t take. She just tells the child, “No! Stop it now!” in a very scolding tone, when it’s clear that the child doesn’t understand.
This isn’t the only problem by far, but it’s not too specific to the child’s needs.
Part of her responsibility is balancing when the child has to sit down vs explore their surroundings. But my coworker does it all or nothing: either the student is restrained in her lap for way too long (which distresses them to the point of a full meltdown, which she doesn’t understand how to stop despite me showing her how) or she lets the student roam around with no supervision when that student requires extreme supervision.
Her student winds up putting things in their mouth, getting into things they shouldn’t have been touching, and interrupting other students learning.
Here’s where I may be the jerk: My coworker has a learning disability, and I’m worried I’m not being patient enough. I like her as a person, but I want to tell her that she needs a job that she has the instincts for because this job just isn’t within her capabilities.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because she is negatively impacting the kids, and your responsibility is towards the children. Not her. But you need to phrase it better I suppose, like “I don’t think your tone towards child X was appropriate”. Have others seen her act like this?
Are there any performance reviews or bosses that can talk to? I worry for the kids.” lalathegodzilla
Another User Comments:
“NTJ necessarily, but also it’s not your place to say that. If you have serious concerns about how she is handling the kids or feel like she is leaning on you too much then go talk to your supervisor or HR about your concerns and let them handle it.
If she straight up asks how you think she is doing in her role then you can tell her your thoughts, but otherwise, it is not your position to tell a coworker that you think they can’t do their job well.” GildedPoison
Another User Comments:
“NTJ OP. But I think you need to start documenting EVERYTHING and establishing a pattern of proof (preferably with other adult witnesses) because otherwise, she could claim you are being a bully or just don’t like her. As someone who has a disability myself whilst I would advocate for anyone with a disability, I also think people shouldn’t be placed into jobs where they are not a right fit.
I think perhaps your boss needs to gently have a chat with her about whether this is the right career for her because the longer they ignore it the greater the chance of a major issue occurring and then nobody wins.” ColdstreamCapple.
11. AITJ For Snapping At My Brother After He Complained About My Timing?
“My (27M) dad and I are moving in a few months, and we needed to move a couch. Since my dad was too old to help and I couldn’t carry it alone, he asked my brother (30M) to pitch in. My brother agreed but asked me to pick him up since he lives just 5-10 minutes away.
No problem, so I picked him up.
Once the couch was moved, my brother asked if I could give him and his partner a ride to their friend’s place for lunch in a while. I agreed. Before we left, I made myself lunch and sat down to eat.
He asked, “When can we leave?” and I told him, “Give me 15 minutes.”
After 15 minutes, I was still finishing my food, and my brother started getting impatient, saying, “Come on, let’s go,” and complaining about how slow I was. I ended up taking about 20 minutes, 5 minutes longer than I’d said.
As I got ready to leave, he kept complaining, arguing, and getting annoyed. I told him, “Sorry for being 5 minutes late, but can’t you appreciate that I picked you up and am driving you?” He snapped back, “Well I’m sure you wouldn’t care if I promised to drive you to the airport and was 5 minutes late right??”
He kept arguing, complaining, and whining. Honestly, this was just the latest in a long pattern where I feel like he takes me for granted, always criticizing what I do. So I snapped and said, “You know what, drive yourself, get lost,” and tossed the car keys in his direction before heading inside.
I admit, it might have been an overreaction, but this has been building up for a while. For context, he could drive himself; he just didn’t want to have to come back later to drop off the car and get home, which would take about 15-20 minutes.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. He was stranded at your house and stuck to your whims. He asked for a timeline, presumably so that he could relay it to his partner and the friends they were meeting for lunch. But then you were making him late by sitting down to stuff your face in front of the dude who did physical labor for you and was hungry for his lunch.
He blew up and threw a temper tantrum instead of just telling you that he won’t be doing you any more favors until you can figure out what gratitude is.” Kaynico
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If the brother knew that he could take the car whenever he wanted, AND didn’t say specifically, “I need to be at X location at Y time– do you mind driving me & leaving at Z time so I won’t be late?” then OP taking a WHOLE extra 5 min to finish eating isn’t a big deal. The original post doesn’t make clear if the OP and their dad are moving INTO the same place (only that the couch was their dad’s), but either way, if OP’s brother knew that the car was available for him to use AT ANY TIME and he only wanted OP to drive so he didn’t need to return it later, I fail to see how OP is the jerk.
Yes, everyone could’ve communicated a bit better but I don’t see how that makes OP the jerk.” Linux_Dreamer
10. AITJ For Buying A New Phone With My Own Money Instead Of Waiting For My Parents?
“I (17F) have been using the same phone for four years. It has very little storage left (only about 600MB), and a large chunk of it is taken up by system files. I love taking photos and videos because they’re really important to me, but my phone’s camera quality has gotten pretty bad, and I’m constantly out of space.
I can’t bring myself to delete old pictures or videos because they have so much sentimental value, so I’m in a tough spot.
Meanwhile, my younger sister Mia got a much better phone than mine when she was just 10 years old. I didn’t get my first phone until I was 13, and it wasn’t nearly as nice as hers.
It feels unfair, but I know that might just be me comparing things that don’t matter. Still, I’ve been feeling frustrated seeing how easy it was for her to get a better phone at such a young age, while I’ve had to wait for so long to upgrade mine.
I’ve been working part-time and earning about $15 a day. I’ve saved up enough to buy myself a second-hand iPhone 11, which would give me the extra storage and better camera I need. I decided not to ask my parents for help because they both work long hours so I’d rather handle this on my own.
When I mentioned to my parents that I wanted a new phone they told me to wait for my mom to replace hers so I can have it but she’s said she will replace it multiple times in the past 2 years so I doubt it’s happening any time soon.
Some people have told me I should just be grateful for the phone I have, and others have said I shouldn’t spend my own money when I could wait for my parents to get me a new one. I’ve already waited years for things like a new bike (which I was promised but never got), and I feel like I’d be waiting forever for an upgrade.
So, AITJ for deciding to spend my own money to get a new phone instead of just waiting?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Whoever is telling you that you can’t buy yourself a phone with YOUR MONEY is honestly just a bit strange. Like it’s your money, you get to choose how to spend it.
This isn’t too much context so I can’t comment if this is a pattern of you being put on the back burner infavorr of your sister, but if so then you have even more of a right to take these matters into your own hands, especially considering how much photography seems to matter you.
Frankly, this doesn’t seem like an “I want a new phone because it’s new and this is out of style” it’s very much a thing of need. NTJ” That0n3N3rd
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. So, who are these people?
They may be suggesting that your money is better saved/invested for the future. That’s a reasonable argument to make, it doesn’t make them the jerk. But you also are not the jerk to apply your money to do what you think is its best use so long as you’re not falling short of your current and future responsibilities to others.
That doesn’t seem to be the case here, and we’re talking about a $220 some-odd-dollar purchase here: Enough money for someone your rage to be careful with, but not life-changing in the longer term.” username_6916
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You should get an SD/memory card for your phone though, and you can backup your old photos and videos somewhere else so they won’t take up space in your phone.
Google Photos lets you do 15g for free and it’s only like $2 a month to have more space. You can also do it to Dropbox, or have multiple accounts and backup the photos to different accounts so you don’t have to pay for more storage.” Comprehensive-Bad219
9. AITJ For Wanting To Share My Daughter's Firsts Without My Future Mother-In-Law?
“I (20f) have a daughter from a previous relationship and am currently with my fiance (22m), we’ll call him Ryan. For context, we’ve been together for almost a year and he has accepted my daughter (1 1/2f) like his own since the beginning. Because of previous circumstances, I didn’t get to have a lot of “firsts” with my daughter, we’ll call her Emily.
Things like carving a pumpkin, decorating a Christmas tree, etc., and this year I will finally get a chance to enjoy those things with her. Now here lies the issue. My FMIL (64f), we’ll call her Becky, wants to also enjoy those firsts in a way that’s like she’s pushing her way in, also while making rude comments about me when I’m not around.
Saying things like, “If I had Emily with me, I’d raise her differently” as though she’s trying to imply that I’m not parenting right. I’m never one to shy away from advice, especially being a first-time mom while also currently pregnant with our second (possibly second and third!).
I also understand that we could do these activities altogether, but she just keeps trying to push her way in, and I would rather enjoy those moments with my daughter. Also to not possibly have her hear the things that Becky is willing to say negatively about me.
This isn’t the first time that Becky has ignored my boundaries when it comes to Emily. For example, Emily has mild asthma and Becky ignored not just me but others when she was told to not smoke around Emily. She’s also forced Emily to lay with her when she doesn’t want to and is perfectly fine sleeping on her own with how her schedule is.
When it comes to Ryan, he’s blind to what his mom is doing and ignores the drama. Any time that I try to bring up his mom he ignores it, she raised him as a single mom and he’s a mama’s boy through and through.
I’ve asked others and it’s about a 50/50 on if I’m in the wrong. I just want to enjoy these firsts with my daughter as a family instead of having Becky push her way in and disrespect my boundaries. So, WIBTJ if I told my FMIL that I don’t want her involved in firsts with my daughter?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like if you marry this guy, you’re also marrying this woman. You are well within your right to set boundaries around time spent with YOUR daughter. If she’s already this pushy, I can’t imagine what it’ll be like at your wedding, if you have another child together, or any other milestone – let alone how much personal info your fiance likely already feeds her about your relationship.
If your fiance won’t step up, now is the time to start setting firm boundaries with MIL for the sake of yourself and your child. But you also need to make it very clear to your fiance how important it is that he has your back on this, or else it will certainly just get worse.” Strange_Shallot8833
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Her for breaking boundaries, She might not get these things are special given you seemingly were not around for the first year much. But had you taken the time to get to know him and his family before you got engaged and pregnant then you would have known this and been able to step away when it got too much.
You’re 20, learn to adult before having kids.” Adventurous-Carpet88
8. AITJ For Not Changing My Holiday Plans To Attend My Best Friend's Wedding Ceremony?
“My childhood best friend (let’s call her Kate) is getting married next May. I RSVP’d to her wedding last week, and then my partner and I booked a holiday last night.
I looked at my calendar and we were looking at holidays avoiding the date of her wedding.
At the very last minute, we realized we could fly to our chosen holiday from our local airport instead of a London airport, which was perfect for us and we booked it. I forgot, however, to check if the flights were the same days, and they’re one day different, meaning we’ll fly back on the day of her wedding.
I realized immediately after booking that the call center for the holiday place was closed.
After calling them this morning, to shorten the holiday is going to cost £305 in fees, to change it will cost £450, or £600 to cancel!
In the 4 years I’ve been with my partner, I haven’t seen Kate in person, as we now live at different ends of the country.
I’ve only mentioned her a handful of times, and we probably only talk every couple of months. But she’s still my longest friend and godparent to my eldest daughter. Because my partner doesn’t see her as one of my best friends, he said he’d be very upset if I paid the difference myself, as I owe him money for other things.
As long as the flight isn’t delayed, I can still make most of the wedding but I’ll miss the actual ceremony by 10 minutes. If the flight is delayed, I’ll potentially miss it all.
I just explained it all to Kate and she’s really upset and although she didn’t explicitly say it, I think she is expecting me to change the holiday so I can make the ceremony.
Am I the jerk if I don’t change the holiday and just go to the evening part of the wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk if you don’t change the flight, pretty much regardless of if you can afford it since you weren’t careful while booking an unrelated vacation.
You said you’d be able to come but now you can’t because you wanted a holiday with your partner, I don’t think there is any way to see that as not being a bad friend if you end up not attending.” mlc885
Another User Comments:
“You would be the jerk. You committed to someone who cares enough about you to invite you to their wedding and are now considering not going purely because of your carelessness. Also, why are you going on a holiday when you owe your partner money for other things?
Surely if he cares enough about the £300 you should be paying whatever you owe back before luxuries such as holidays?” Leigeofgoblins
Another User Comments:
“Yes, you’re the jerk. I might feel differently if you’d already booked the holiday before getting the invite, or if she was originally getting married on a different date but moved it for some reason.
But she gave you *eight months’ notice*, you RSVP’d yes, and then the next week decided that, of all the weeks of the year, you had to go on holiday the week leading up to her wedding with only one day to spare? That’s already cutting it close, considering your flight could be severely delayed or canceled and unable to take off that day, your luggage could get lost, etc. To be honest, if someone had called me a week after officially accepting an invite to my wedding to say Oopss I booked a vacation that includes your wedding day, you’re cool with me missing the actual important part of the day so I don’t have to spend the extra money right?” I’d have probably told them they didn’t need to worry about coming at all.” JellybeanzXO
Another User Comments:
“The ceremony is the most important part of the day. It’s the entire reason for everything that follows. I’d be unimpressed by someone I thought was a friend double booking like this, missing the most important part of the day, and then turning up just to party.
Better you don’t go at all than do that. But yes, you’re the jerk if you flake on your oldest friend because you were careless. Also, if you owe your partner money why aren’t you paying him back instead of going on a holiday?
You’re the jerk.” kb-g
7. AITJ For Not Wanting To Financially Support My Unemployed Mother Again?
“So I (28F) live away from where I grew up. I grew up low-income and first-generation. I’m my mother‘s only child and she put me through a really good high school and a really good college and since then I have made more money than she has ever made.
I moved out after college because we were having some issues with our relationship, but I did start to financially provide for her post-college. I sent about 500 a month and then there was a point in time where I was paying her rent in addition to my rent for about a period of six months, there have also been some other times I’ve given a lump sum of money here and there for numerous things.
A little over two years ago I cut her off financially it was reaching a point where I was feeling genuinely unsafe in our dynamic. In these two years, we’ve had some significant family deaths that have hit me financially, so I have not been able to use the time to build back up the money that I lost while helping her.
However, I have been able to clear out all of my debts! But at this point, I’m living paycheck to paycheck because I’m working at a job that’s underpaying me but I’m very close to getting another job that’s paying me significantly more where I can finally start to save.
Of course, now my mother is back to being unemployed and is drowning financially and I’m at a point where I just don’t think it’s smart for me to help her, but she is drowning. It’s not her fault she’s poor, but I find myself not wanting to help because I’m finally in a position where I think I can set myself up well financially and save!!!!
But every time we talk I can hear how poorly she is doing. Am I being a bad or selfish daughter?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can’t pour from an empty cup. You need to make sure that your financial house is secure before you can support someone else.
What’s more, it sounds like your mother is her own worst enemy here, given that she seems to keep winding up in the same bad situation. You can’t let her drag you down with her.” Practical-Range-3670
Another User Comments:
“So, I’m not going to touch on what you’ve done or what I think you should do regarding your relationship with your mother.
I will offer what I think would be more practical, long-term suggestions, though. Chronic poverty is hard. There’s the poor tax with cheap items, but there are also a lot of issues with mindset and education. Your mom wanted to break this cycle with you, and good for her.
But it didn’t teach her how to break her cycle. Giving her money can help temporarily, but it doesn’t help in the long term, which is why you’re at this stage.
First things first, you need to be able to support yourself and build some savings.
When you do, if you want to help her, why not look into some things like therapy for her, and financial literacy classes.?If she needs education, perhaps you can help her if she needs her GED or for a short certification course. Something like that could help her find a more stable job, and start saving up on her own.
It’s hard when you’re older, but better now than when she’s even older than now. You could also set up an investment portfolio of some sort, with some of the profits going to her while the main continues to accrue. Helping her to achieve independence will be very helpful to both of you in the long run.
Having one stable person to support a family is risky. One bad event, one job loss, and everyone’s screwed. Teaching each other how to be strong and stable helps to keep everyone supported and gives them a safety net if things go sideways. It’s so, so hard to climb out of poverty.
It’s an exhaustion of a sort that people can’t understand unless they’ve been there. It’s so easy to stop fighting and relax as soon as there’s relief, but that rest can be a trap if you let it go too long. Even though it’s hard and tiring and makes us feel like a sack of hot garbage, using that relief time as a stepping stone to work harder for the next stone is necessary to avoid falling back too many steps.” FragrantImposter
Another User Comments:
“Ntj it is her fault she’s poor. Has she done anything to improve her situation? Did she try to get a better job? Did she do anything over her lifetime to get training for a better job? Mom is an adult she is responsible for her own life.” Serious-Operation662
6. AITJ For Asking A Stranger If His Hair Was Real?
“I F21 and my friend F22 were at an anime convention and then at the pride festival going on in my city that was happening at the same time. This happened after the convention while we were at Pride.
Me and my friend bought some food and were sitting down at the tables.
Two people came over and sat next to us so we ended up talking to them for a while. Well while we were talking I noticed how long the guy’s hair was. I opened up the conversation by asking if it was real before I asked how he takes care of it and how long he’s been growing it.
He was super nice and seemed fine talking about his hair and how long he’s been growing it, how he’s been taking care of it etc. I have been trying to grow out my hair for a while now and any advice and tips are helpful.
Now my thought process when asking was, first I just came from a conversation where everyone was wearing cosplay wigs. Two if they were extensions then they were darn good extensions and I wanted to know where he got them so I can get some.
In my mind asking if it was real wasn’t meant to be rude, it was definitely more meant as a segue into asking for tips.
Later while I was driving us home my friend had brought it up and told me that it threw her off when I asked because it was a very rude question.
She said I was lucky to get a positive reaction because someone else might not be so nice when I ask something like that. Am I in the wrong here?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here this time, because you meant well. At an anime con, I’d expect to ask someone if the hair was real. At pride, it depends – was it an unnatural color or had something else about it where it was logical to wonder?
(Also note, if someone has extensions, “Is it real” is a more complicated question, since the actual answer may be “mostly”.) In general, your question could be considered rude or intrusive. (Fortunately, this guy didn’t take it that way, so you’re in the clear this time.) A better start to a hair conversation is “Wow, I love your hair!
[wait for response] I’m trying to grow mine out, do you have any tips?”” NapalmAxolotl
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ, because you weren’t trying to start anything. That said though, and this is coming from a biracial person who’s been on the receiving end of that question more times than I care to count, at best your question came off as annoying, at worst it came off as rude.
I get your logic, but you can’t assume that just because you’ve seen some cosplay wigs that look realistic at an anime convention means that people at a pride festival will be wearing wigs too. And asking people if their hair is real at a pride festival is a gamble because it can come across as microaggression.
Queer people already have a history of being invalidated for who we are and our appearance, we don’t need to be asked if parts of us are real or fake at our festivals, by straight people or other queer people. Like a few others have said, next time just ask someone what their hair care routine is.
Because your friend’s right, and even then, just because he responded positively doesn’t mean he didn’t find the question rude or annoying.” Lentilsonlentils
5. AITJ For Leaving My Cousin's Baby With My Friend For 5 Minutes?
“My (21M) cousin (36F) asked me to babysit her daughter (7 months) for the day since she lives in the state where I go to college and I said sure. I’ve babysat her a few times before so I was chill with it, I had to stay at my apartment this weekend anyway to study.
Anyway, my friend came over a few hours in and we were just chilling and the baby was near us sleeping in her bassinet. I realized I had left my notebook for my class in my car so I asked him to watch her while I go get it.
I was gone for 5 minutes since I had to walk there and back from the parking structure and my cousin called me to check in as I was walking back. I told her everything was good and I was just getting back to the apartment since I had to get something from my car and she was so mad.
She was really upset that I left the baby with a “strange man” and someone she didn’t know. She was saying how I was being extremely irresponsible and shouldn’t have left her out of my sight. Maybe it’s because I don’t have kids but I don’t get the big deal. My friend is a really good guy and the baby was sleeping so I didn’t want to take her with me.
I guess I could have gotten him to go to my car but I didn’t want to have him get up when I could have easily done it. If I was gone for 20+ mins I get it but I was only gone for 5.
I kind of feel bad but I’m also confused. My mom said I could have gotten him to go get it but she shouldn’t be that mad at me.
I don’t know if I’m just being dumb or not…”
Another User Comments:
“If I was a parent and I found out you left my child with someone I did not know, I’d be very upset. You’re not a jerk, and your cousin might be taking things to the extreme, but I would say it’s pretty universally known that if you are the babysitter you don’t leave the child unless there is a prior agreement or some sort of emergency setting a notebook doesn’t qualify as an emergency.” ExpensiveJam8726
Another User Comments:
“You are not dumb. I get it. He’s your friend. Here’s your cousin’s side, you left her baby with a stranger. No, he wasn’t a stranger to you, but he was to her, and how well do you know this guy? Just from school?
So, not long????? You don’t know if this guy could go off and shake the baby or throw the baby or punch the baby if it cried. There are some things you never know about people until you see them. Or he could have grabbed the baby and run.
You just never know. You’re not dumb. You’re young, and you made a mistake. You didn’t think a thing about it, or you wouldn’t have told her. Worse comes to worse, you won’t babysit anymore. No harm, no foul.” Zestyclose_Gur_8889
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I’m a parent. In these types of situations, it’s great that you have someone reliable to help out. You were gone a very short time. If your cousin doesn’t trust your judgment about the people you’re spending time with, that shows she doesn’t have respect for you.
You’re doing her a favor by babysitting. If she’s not happy for you to use your judgment, the best solution is to not babysit for her anymore. Let her find someone else and you can go back to enjoying your free time. Your cousin is completely in the wrong here.” TheHonPonderStibbons
4. AITJ For Expecting Our Parents To Be More Involved Grandparents?
“My wife and I recently had a conversation with her parents about both being more available for our three kids and also coming by more often.
In general, my wife and I have demanding careers but we have taken jobs that provide schedule flexibility over big checks because we believe family should be above everything else.
That said, we also really love it when our parents visit, especially for the kids. I grew up with no grandparents (they died young) and I know how much I would have loved to have them around. She grew up with very present and available grandparents, which she loved and wants for our children.
We are respectful and have only pushed for more or asked for help when we feel like we need to. We don’t ask for money or anything, more for their presence. None of our parents live near us. They are either a 12-hour drive or a 1.5-hour flight.
On my side, my mother is retired. On hers, her mother works an extremely flexible job where she flies into our town about once a quarter. Her father is retired. They are all between 60-65 years of age.
Here is what happens when they visit.
1) They stay at a hotel when we have openly invited them to stay with us. Our home is quite large and we have a finished basement with a full bath available as well as a guest room upstairs.
3) If they do come over after making the long flight or drive, they usually visit for only a couple of hours.
No contention. No arguments. They just always seem preoccupied.
4) When they do stay the night, my mother-in-law focuses all of her time on her job while she is on the PTO she received to visit.
5) They say they love our parenting style, want to be more involved, read what we do, etc., and do none of it.
At this point, we have given up on talking of wanting them around more or be more present until just recently when both of them said bullet five again (this was a year ago) with zero change or effort.”
Another User Comments:
“This sounds very much like my parents.
They love my kids very much but only want to do grandparent sessions for three hours at a time. For a while, I got annoyed because my in-laws were much more involved. I’m now at the point where I had to realize how they wanted to show up as grandparents is not up to me, it’s up to them.
I’m grateful for any time they give us and we’re all happier than when I had expectations in my head what they should be doing. YTJ. The sooner you accept them for how they want to show up, a lot of anger will be gone.” Professional_Pop8867
3. AITJ For Cutting Back Expenses And Cancelling Christmas Because My Partner Won't Get A Job?
“My partner and I have been together for ten years.
I love her but things changed. We used to have dreams and goals. We dreamed about a house, a wedding, etc. And we worked towards it. Three years ago my partner told me she is unhappy in her workplace and I offered to support her till she finds new work, putting our plans on hold.
Yeah, that was three years ago. Since she has not been to a single interview and always talks about looking for the ‘right’ job. So 100% of household expenses are on me, I also gave her some money to spend on herself.
At first, I did not mind.
After some time, approximately a year I did. I told her I was not happy with her being a housewife without kids in a small apartment. It’s stupid. She always either promises to try harder or starts to cry. So I offered to pay for therapy if she needed to.
She said no. That went on for about two years. This year was very hard, the company I work for went through a merger, so I lost my job, but thankfully I knew ahead. I told her it’s gonna be rough and I needed her to get a job and relieve me of some stress.
So while working at the old place I used my vacation days for some interviews and in the end landed a new job. All this while she did nothing even when she told me she was gonna help. It was a very stressful time and I felt betrayed because she did not help me like I did her.
I told her many times I was unhappy. She always brushes it off with ‘it’s gonna get better’.
So lately I got really angry and resentful. My solution? Cutbacks. I canceled her allowance, streaming services, her phone data plan. And told her no Christmas. To explain.
Christmas is a big thing in her family, they decorate the house, give lavish gifts, and have people over. I told her, you want to buy a dinner or gift, you pay for it. So she cried a lot.
So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Three years and no meaningful job search, wake up, your partner doesn’t want to work. She wants to be a stay-at-home partner who gets an allowance to spend as she pleases. Don’t be the person who wastes a few more years of their life in a dead-end relationship.
You already resent her, it’s just going to get worse.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Okay, be honest with yourself. Are you canceling Christmas to punish her or because financially it’s not going to work? If it’s as a punishment, then YTJ, but, it sounds like with less income gifts are the last concern here.
Her family has lavish traditions, but she can’t afford it, and that isn’t on you. She can’t afford her family traditions, and she probably feels a lot of shame. NTJ. What is keeping you in this relationship though? It sounds like you have a partner that is checked out, not just financially, but also in keeping their word.
They are no longer the person that you started this relationship with. The tears sound like self-pity, and shame, which again—isn’t related to you, and doesn’t help your relationship. You are resentful because you’re in a relationship you didn’t want, and can’t handle, and it sounds like you need help or an out.
Maybe she is very depressed, maybe she doesn’t want to work ever, but you aren’t in a place to handle it emotionally or financially. Have you spoken to her friends or family about how to get her help?” trolleydip
2. AITJ For Expecting My Husband To Help Care For Our Autistic Daughter?
“I am (34F) a SAHM to an autistic child (3F) who needs our constant care, she is nonverbal and has several other disabilities. My husband (42M) is the primary breadwinner, which we had agreed upon before even trying to conceive our daughter.
He usually works 2/2 meaning 2 weeks will be day shift and 2 weeks will be night. The night shifts are tough because I am expected to get up with our child in the morning while he sleeps in. It can be a lot because that means I’m solo all day until she goes to bed at 8 pm Autistic children, especially my daughter, can have horrible meltdowns and they can be a lot on a person mentally.
I love her more than the world but the meltdowns are very draining for me.
Last night my husband came home and decided to complain that I hadn’t folded the laundry or put dishes away, I’m the only person who cleans in this household.
It was a particularly bad day and I had passed out on the couch before he had gotten home so I didn’t do the laundry or dishes. He wasn’t angry, just pointed it out. I kind of got an attitude and told him it would be nice if he could help a little around the home.
He then pointed out that women stay home all the time with children and still keep the house spotless so he doesn’t understand why I can’t. I had enough so I just went to bed.
Our daughter was up all night with a fever, and naturally, she wanted to still wake up at 6 AM.
I was exhausted and with my husband not working until 4 PM, I asked him to get up with her. He complained and pouted and just let her sit there and cry. So I screamed at him to get up, that it wasn’t fair to put this all on me.
Now he is insisting that I was rude and telling me this is what I signed up for when becoming a wife and mom. I don’t know what to do. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And don’t let him tell you that other women can keep the house spotless while having a young autistic child with frequent meltdowns.
He probably can’t name a single household that actually could. Perhaps he can take a couple of weeks off from work, while you take a vacation, and then he can show you how that works? I am sure it will be a great learning experience.
For him.” Jocelyn-1973
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If he said you signed up for this when you became his wife and the mother of his child, he also signed up to be your husband and the father of your child. Please look at your relationship and perhaps seek out outside support with your child as you are becoming more exhausted, and I’m sure he is too.
But it isn’t gonna kill him if he helps out with the child for a moment so you can gather yourself.” Round_Gur_5851
Another User Comments:
“I think I read a similar post a long time ago but gender swap with a female nurse instead.
Comments were making fun of a guy for not knowing how to take care of his kid, however, I forgot if the guy was a working or at-home dad like this post. I am not sure if this is just bait, thanks to that. All I can say is that I think it’s better to open a conversation about this.
I think you would agree expecting a night shift worker to work for the entire day is not feasible in the long run. Talk about your struggle and that you cannot keep up taking care of the child and the house. Try negotiating time that he could help a bit, maybe have family help out or hire professional services as clearly something needs to be done and it should be at a discussion not just you throwing him what he should do for the day without giving him a heads-up prior and expecting that somehow he could do this in less than five hours after working and continue until his next working time.” clownlifehaha
1. AITJ For Selling Concert Ticket After Friend Chose Movie Over Concert?
“I (32 m) bought one of my best friends, let’s call him Jeff, (33 m) concert tickets to one of our favorite bands for his birthday a few months ago. We’d always talked about seeing this band together, so he was excited when I gave him the gift.
Last week, Jeff and I were at a party, and we were talking about holiday plans (the concert is the week before Christmas), I brought up the concert, and Jeff admitted that he forgot about it. He then told me that he had made plans to see a movie with his partner the night of the concert.
I mentioned that it was a good thing I reminded him so he could adjust his plans, assuming he would want to go to the concert and reschedule the movie. However, Jeff implies that he would rather go see a movie than go to a concert.
I’m visibly annoyed at this point, Jeff apologizes and asks if there’s anyone else I can go with. I’m not one to make a scene about things like this so I say “That sucks, but it’s cool.” Effectively letting him off the hook, and I think to myself “Whatever, if I can’t find someone else, I’ll just sell the other ticket and go alone.”
Later that night, I was explaining the situation to another friend of ours, and this other friend said that he’d be up for going to the concert and even offered to throw me some cash for the ticket. I immediately jump on the offer.
Jeff comes up to me a few hours after I work out the deal with my other friend and says that he got the dates mixed up, and he is actually still able to go to the concert.
I explained to Jeff that I had already given the ticket to someone else. Jeff gets upset and says that I “didn’t have to get rid of the ticket so fast,” and that I should have waited before giving it away.
I’m angry at this point, and end up saying some pretty mean things about Jeff and how inconsiderate and immature he sounds.
We haven’t spoken since.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you were nice enough when he canceled (a movie runs for several days, concerts don’t). You only did what he told you to do. He has no right to be mad that you sold the ticket he said he didn’t want.” Few-Product-9937
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Not because you sold the ticket, but because of how you reacted to Jeff. He accidentally double-booked himself and chose to continue to do things with his partner. This is an unfortunate mistake but not a jerk move. He apologized and helped you find an alternative for you to still have a good time.
You were able to sell the ticket, which you had every right to do. Then, when he realized he actually confused the times, he let you know he was still excited to go, and was disappointed when he found out you had already jumped on other plans.
Again, a pretty normal reaction. At this point, there would be no jerks here. But then you flipped out on him for making simple mistakes? That’s unwarranted and makes you a jerk. Sorry mate.” Jazzlike_Property692
