People Let All Their Feelings Out In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Suggesting My Younger Brother Babysit During Our Family Cruise?
“I have three siblings. My youngest brother “Merck” is 20 and the only one without kids. There are six kids between the three of us ranging from 4 to 10 years old.
Our family (my parents, kids, siblings, and spouses, and Merck’s partner) are going to take a weeklong summer vacation on a cruise ship.
My siblings and I are paying except for Merck and his partner who has no money.
We were discussing the details and the issue of babysitting came up. Everyone was concerned about who would watch the kids if we wanted to go to a bar or do other adult stuff.
I suggested Merck. He can’t drink and it’s fair since we are paying for him and his partner. It would actually be fun and something the kids will remember. They love their uncle. Plus it’s good for Merck to spend time with his nephews.
Everyone thought it was a good idea except for Merck.
He’s furious over the suggestion but he’s literally getting a free trip. I even offered to get him and his partner their own room with a balcony.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You don’t get to hold money over Merck. If you wanted to trade paying for the trip for babysitting duties then it was your responsibility to be upfront about it so Merck could make an informed decision.
Do you really think a 20-year-old and his partner want to spend their vacation babysitting? Cruises meant for families have specific child-friendly events where you can drop the kids while the adults do their thing. Did you and your fellow jerk siblings book a cruise without any real planning involved?
Your kids are your responsibility. You don’t just get to dump them on someone else because they are child-free. Get over yourself.” Expensive_Warthog444
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If you and two siblings offered to cover Merck and his partner’s cost of the trip, it’s wrong to then hold that over him to make him babysit.
Paying his ticket for the purpose of having a babysitter would have to be stated when making the offer. Also, were you suggesting Merck babysit every night of the cruise? Just because he can’t drink doesn’t mean we might want to do something in the evenings besides babysit.
Your kids are your own responsibility. I think it would have been reasonable to ask Merck if he’d be willing to babysit one night so all the parents can go do something together, but it’s not fair to assume you can make him babysit just because of his age and because you paid for his trip.” JArtV
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Trapped on board a ship with no escape, 6 kids with wildly differing ages, and zero parenting experience? Nope, nope, and nope. I get the need for a break, but if your brother wasn’t coming you’d have to find a solution or simply not go to the bar.
You don’t get to monopolize his time just because you’ve now realized you can leverage this free trip and convince him he owes you. Say he does babysit every night, do you really think he’ll do it graciously? You say it will be good for the children, but I think you know that’s emotional blackmail, and it certainly won’t be good for those children to be looked after by an angry, resentful family member who feels that they were misled. If you feel you have to go to the bar, surely the better alternative would be that those of you who actually brought those children into the world take it in turns to help each other out.
You have the requisite parenting experience and can take it in turns each night to watch them. Your brother likely feels that you only invited him to be your childcare, I wouldn’t be at all surprised if he decides not to go.” Ihatelego
21. AITJ For Rejecting My Sister's Friend Due To Age Gap And Friendship Concerns?
“This situation involved me (23M), my sister (19F), and my sister’s friend (20F). The other night my sister had a couple of friends over including the friend in question. I’ve always gotten along with her quite well, but she has also always acted shy around me.
However, this time I got a knock on my bedroom door, and it was just her without my sister. She said she needed to talk to me alone, and then said she really liked me, and she was wondering if I wanted to go out with her sometime.
I was a little surprised by this and said that while I thought she was wonderful, I didn’t feel right about seeing one of my sister’s friends. I didn’t say this but I also would feel a bit creepy seeing a girl with that much of an age gap (I know 3 years isn’t big as you get older, but it feels big now).
After I said that she quickly left.
Next, my sister comes upstairs and starts asking me why I did that, and that I made her cry. Apparently, this girl has had a crush on me for years, and my sister finally convinced her to act on it.
Apparently, my sister had asked me if I was attracted to this girl in the past and I’ve said yes, so she thought it was a sure thing. When I told her that I feel like a creep not only seeing one of her friends but someone with that age gap she said I was being a ridiculous jerk, and that I should apologize to that girl.
Now I do feel like a jerk knowing that my sister not only was cool with it but encouraged it. What do you guys think?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to say no jerks here. But 3 years when the younger party is 20 isn’t that big a deal to me.
On a personal level that’s because I started seeing my husband when I was 19 and he was 22. But he wasn’t a friend of a sibling, we were both at the same college and both loved the same kind of whiskey. I don’t know it obviously worked for us, (going on 14 years now) not saying that your opinion is wrong by any means!
You’re entitled to go out or not go out with whoever you like, and shouldn’t be made to feel like a jerk for saying no.” ur-squirrel-buddy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re not obligated to go out with anyone. It sucks that your sister’s friend is so upset but it’s unavoidable.
You shouldn’t pretend to want to see someone just because your sister wants you to or the person wants to see you. That only ends in unhappiness. The friend isn’t a jerk either, but your sister is. I get that she’s concerned about a friend, but she shouldn’t try to push you to enter a relationship you’re not comfortable with.
Your reasoning is irrelevant; all that matters is that you don’t want to see her friend. Regardless of the reason, that’s enough of a reason to say no.” FrederickChase
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I agree somewhat that when you’re 23, seeing a 20-year-old can feel like an enormous difference if you’re in different places in life.
But honestly, the sister’s friend bit was enough of a “justifiable” reason to say no (any reason should be, but it’s the easiest to swallow) and you handled it as well as you could. Your sister should’ve asked you directly instead of expecting you to be psychic when she asked you about her friend being cute and not promised you off to her.
And then accepted the friend’s rejection. You’re not obligated to make her friends happy or go along with it just to keep from rocking the boat. But honestly, if you’re having second thoughts and do like her, just call her up and tell her you were being dumb and apologize.
Sounds like you have your sister’s blessing and still have a shot.” iolight
20. AITJ For Not Buying My Niece A Prom Dress After Her Mom Tried To Manipulate Me?
“My family makes a huge deal out of everything.
There are 3 proms, 2 weddings, 1 baptism, and 2 birthday parties happening over the next 12 weeks and everyone is losing their minds. I have several potential jerk situations so I will be posting multiple times most likely.
Anyway….
I (28f) have several nieces. Two of them have senior prom this year.
“Maya” is around my size. About a 12 petite. She has always taken clothes from me because she can fit them. “Tasha” is about a size 4. And she is a good 5 inches taller than Maya. These girls are actually very very close. They do everything together.
I gave Maya a dress to wear to prom it is not a traditional prom gown. It is knee length, very puffy lots of tulle, purple with silver glitter polka dots. She’s wanted it for years, I finally just gave it to her, she was over the moon.
Tasha was fine with it. Tasha’s mom however called and demanded I give Tasha one of my bridesmaids’ dresses, I have 3. I said no, I would like to keep them because they are all dresses that I can use again, also Tasha can’t fit them because they are too big.
I don’t want to have these altered because they are of use to me. I spoke to Tasha directly because I started to think she was feeling excluded, she isn’t. Her mom is just being cheap, the dress she wants is about $180.
Tasha’s mom, not knowing that I talked to Tasha, says Tasha is depressed and offended. She also wants a special dress from Auntie’s closet or Auntie should buy her a dress so she feels special too.
I tell her no, because lies, then she admits that she can’t afford the dress Tasha wants.
I feel like a jerk because I could buy her the dress but her mom tried to manipulate me, so now I won’t.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, the mom is.
However, it is important to recognize what could be seen as “special treatment” when siblings are involved. You are under no obligation to give or not give to anyone, but for the sake of relationships, you may want to reconsider giving one niece a gift if you are unable to do the same or similar for the other niece.
Regardless, you are NTJ, and the girls’ mom has no right to manipulate you into saving her more money.” floofyyy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but it would be a kindness to help Tasha get the dress she wants despite her foolish mother. With summer coming up, are there chores Tasha could do to pay you back for helping with the dress?
I think the biggest point to consider is whether the mom had been completely honest about finances and not being able to afford to get the dress, would you have wanted to do that for Tasha? If the answer is no, then don’t consider it.
But if your answer is well, sure, of course I would have bought a dress for her, then you’re punishing Tasha because her mom is a jerk.” hes_got_a_guard
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I don’t know maybe I’m a little vindictive but I would still buy her the prom dress so every time her mom sees pictures of that day it was because of you and you could always bring it up in a fight.
Remember how you tried to manipulate me but and I still bought my niece a prom dress because you couldn’t afford it? Like make a day out of it and don’t invite your sister like we had such a great day today and you could use it against her anytime she doesn’t want to do anything.” Character-Use-709
19. AITJ For Making A Joke Right After Coming Out Of Knee Surgery?
“I recently got knee surgery. I shattered my knee after being hit by a kid while I was riding my motorcycle. I got put on anesthesia. Woke up. Still feeling under the influence. My mind was groggy. My partner was in the room with me.
The nurse had walked in. She was basically giving my partner some papers for physical rehab and stuff like that. Mostly stuff I’d have to shuffle and pick through myself.
While the nurse and my partner were talking, I slurred out the words “y’all should kiss” as a joke.
Still being really groggy, I laughed to myself. My partner didn’t think it was funny. And the nurse let out a chuckle saying “it’s always funny when they wake up” to my partner.
While driving us home my partner was upset. Basically giving me a hard time the entire way home.
I still was in and out of thought so I didn’t really acknowledge a lot of things that were said. Cause most of it was different iterations of “why the heck would you say that” or “what the heck is wrong with you”. She said she wanted a break.
Went to go stay with a friend of hers for a few days. I cannot walk or drive. And pretty much have no one to drive me to physical therapy. So I’ve had to reschedule my first appointment for the following week. But really. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A few years ago I had spinal surgery and a friend of mine who I knew from another city that I used to live in knew this was happening. I had a 3-day stay in the hospital and got home and started thinking about how I hadn’t heard from my friend.
After being home for a day or 2 (so about 5 days post-surgery) I started to get quite upset that she knew I was having surgery and didn’t even send a single text to say “Hey I hope you’re doing well” etc. I looked at my texts to see when the last time I heard from her was and we’d had a whole series of conversations over several days while I was in hospital. I joked about how good the medication was… and turns out….
You are not yourself when you’re coming off that stuff.” K0rby
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You literally had no control over what you were saying. That being said, do you know why she took it so seriously? Is it past behavior of yours that has her concerned or is it just stuff from her past?
Either way, you should try and talk to her about what was REALLY behind her vast overreaction. She clearly has some serious insecurities that need to be unpacked. You’re not the bad guy here, but neither is she, although her reaction was definitely not okay.
If you plan on moving this relationship forward you have got to find out what is behind that and do what you can to help her through it. If that is not something you can do, you need to just let her go on her way.
It is an issue that will 100% cause problems again and while it is not your responsibility to “fix” her, if you want a future with her you are going to have to find a way to help her through it.” Ganja-Rose
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
People say the most outlandish, bizarre things while coming off of anesthesia and, because of the prevalence of internet content centering around the crazy things folks say post-surgery that’s existed for well over a decade now, that’s something that literally everybody knows. It sounds like your SO was looking for an excuse to propose “needing to take a break” and has decided that you saying something when you had basically no control over what came out of your mouth was the perfect scapegoat.
What you said was fine and don’t beat yourself up over it. What you should also do is sit down with your SO to talk and call her out on pulling this nonsense just because you said goofy stuff while under anesthesia. She’s incredibly out of line for that and it needs to be made clear that it wasn’t okay for her to act like this.
It’s beyond immature.” ShadowCoon
18. AITJ For Wanting To Graduate And Live My Own Life Instead Of Having An Arranged Marriage?
“I am still living under my parents’ roof. In our culture (south asian) it’s normal to live under your parents’ roof until you get married.
I regret not moving to campus when I entered university, but I thought commuting was better also I could help at home, with cooking and cleaning.
My mom passed away and I have always done house chores (I am not the best and I know my father often complains about it, but I did my best).
Unfortunately, my university years took a bit longer than usual – and I think that made my father see me as incapable of doing anything and being a weight.
I covered my university expenses with my scholarship, so at least I was able to cover tuition, transport, food, books, etc.
My father was talking to my brother about marrying me off once my brother got a good job.
That made me so angry. I didn’t study all these years for nothing.
I always put family first and never asked for anything and now he wants to talk about marriage? I was mentally prepared to accept an arranged marriage in the future but I want to live my life.
My father has gone to India for a little time because his sister – who has always been an invisible member – passed away.
We don’t have even enough money and my father always goes to India. He spends all the money there. I thought once I am done with school (I’m quite close) to find a job and so my brother and I can finally live a better life but my father is so irresponsible.
But now I really want to graduate – hope this summer – and to be gone. I am done respecting the culture and respecting my father and whatever type of thing.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Dear OP, I may not know you well but you are NTJ.
When your dad suggested marrying you off once your brother gets a job, that reeks of misogyny. This is not right. Screw cultural traditions that promote misogyny OP, this is your life and no one can tell you otherwise. In the meantime, please prepare yourself to take any interviews abroad or take up an internship in a city away from your home.
In case your dad tries to stop you from leaving e.g. take away your passport etc, be very prepared to come up with a plan to ensure you do not lose your passport and have a bit of money with you to help you move out” KangarooOk2190
Another User Comments:
“Don’t be surprised if he comes back being special nice or talking about a family holiday/sending you on the holiday after you graduate. In the school system in the UK, there are SEAsian girls who disappear from the school register after they become 16 and the family have taken them “back home” This is how Forced Marriage happens.
Family members (often aunts and grannies) take away PP. Make sure you do homework about what your country’s approach to forced marriage and how you can get help, before ever going back to India.” LostGurrl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Learn from my friend; she was a good daughter, went to college, cared for her younger siblings, then her father lost his job and her parents divorced. She ate ramen for months while working nonstop to maximize sending money back home, only to discover her father was spending it on new cars and fancy tech.
Years of her life just gone. Do what you have to do to graduate, get out, and don’t look back. Any money or help you decide to give him, consider it a wasted gift because he’ll never appreciate it fully (because you’re a girl).” mechanicalcarrot
17. AITJ For Refusing To Financially Support My Parents In Their Retirement?
“My (23M) parents (65M and 64F) do not have that much at all, savings-wise. They have about £10K in savings as of now, as well as my dad being eligible for state pension (Which is around £180 a week in the UK). No investments, no property.
They called me yesterday and talked about how they’re reaching retirement age. My dad says work has been getting more and more difficult (my mum doesn’t work due to health conditions), and that once he’s old enough to take out the state pension, he’s done with work.
But then they said that they won’t have much to live on at all, and said I need to start preparing to contribute to “help them live their golden years”. The amount they said was £150 a week (£7,800 per year), and that I should start tucking away the money now.
I said that’s impossible, I have uni debt and I’m just settling into my career, I pay for my own space to live in and everything that comes with that, and I just simply can’t afford that, not now, and not by the time they retire.
They countered by saying they’ve given me “everything” (I’m an only child), that they raised me for 18 years, and that I owe them this. I just hung up.
They’ve called a couple more times, and I got a nasty text from them saying how I wasn’t raised to be selfish like this, and that I’d be no son of theirs if I wasn’t going to help them in retirement.
I’m starting to wonder if I might be in the wrong, I feel very torn. So, please tell me, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I am in the UK. Point them towards the Citizens Advice Bureau or similar for them to check to see that have all the benefits they’re entitled to.
They should check your mum’s health condition to see if that will entitle them to a carer’s/assistance payment. (my mum gets one) Tell them you literally don’t have the money. And never let them see your bank details or bank statements. Both parents should check for any workplace pension that might exist, too.
Your parents had you in their 40s, were they both working full-time before then? Your dad’s been working for 40 years, surely he has a workplace pension?” firefly232
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A 23-year-old “kid” who is just starting out in adult life with a relatively low starting salary plus student debts is in no position to support their parents with that amount of money.
If you were middle-aged and well-launched in your career it might not be unreasonable to be generous and help your parents but it would depend on your own economic circumstances and whether the money would deprive you or your family of necessities. While children don’t “owe” parents it is not unusual for adult kids to help their parents in their old age but as I wrote this generally is when the children are older and established and have launched their careers and have the financial ability to help out a bit.” Jujulabee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Retirement isn’t an age. Nor is it something to which each of us is entitled. Retirement is the ability that some people may have to live off passive income from the money they invested over time combined with government benefits and other income sources (family trusts, etc…).
If your parents’ income is expected to be £180 a week, then the only way they can afford to retire is if their expenses are less than £180 a week. And no, the fact that your parents chose to have you and gave you the care that they were legally responsible for giving you when you were a minor does NOT entitle them to become your dependent for the next 30 or so years.
The support of a minor should always flow down (parents to child), not up. If your parents need £150 a week more to retire, then they need to continue working and save £150 a week toward their future retirement. That, or learn to live off £180 a week.” teresajs
16. AITJ For Telling A Man To Use The Men's Bathroom Despite Women Occupying It?
“I’m a trucker waiting for my shower to open up at a truck stop and a large group of women from a conference or something (they all had nametags) came in and started taking up both bathrooms. Any time a man would start to go and use the restroom they would tell him it’s a women’s restroom now and turn him away.
I needed to use the restroom as well but the shower has a private toilet and I was waiting for that.
I was kind of glad I didn’t have to press the issue but another trucker came in obviously thinking about that bathroom for a few miles before he got here and looked super irritated and uncomfortable when they turned him away.
I told him if he wanted to use the bathroom they were the ones making it unisex and he should just go in anyway. He looked uncomfortable by the suggestion but turned around to look only to see all the women giving us really dirty looks (mostly at me).
The guy just said he’d wait and went to the back of the line these women have created to take up both restrooms. The women continued to stare me down as my shower opened up and I passed through them in the hallway to go there.
I don’t feel I’m the jerk regardless of where this happened but it seems extra unpleasant at a truck stop. Just for the record, I don’t care who uses what restroom man, woman, trans, nonbinary, etc. My issue is that funneling women into the men’s restroom all of a sudden makes it off-limits to men.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I took a number of trips on buses with groups where the adults would line us all up, send all the boys through the men’s room, then start sending the girls into both bathrooms after all the boys had gone.
We had about 100 or so teens, and probably 70% of them were girls. This was typically at either a truck stop or a roadside rest stop. If a man who was not a part of our group walked up, the women organizing us (it was always women) would ask him to wait just a moment while they cleared the girls out of the men’s room.
They would tell the girls to hurry up, that someone else was waiting, and then they would tell the girls waiting in line to wait as well. I mean, what else do you do with 100 teens who need to use the restrooms? That said, these women sound horrible.
No one expects to see a long line, and when you do and need to go? It is awful. I think the men should have simply walked into the restroom posted “men’s” and done their business. But I’m rather confrontational now. Hopefully, this was one of the places that had more than one restroom.” Algebralovr
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If you gotta go, you gotta go. I’m a woman and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve used the men’s room, just so that I could pee in a timely manner. I try to wait so I don’t make any gentlemen uncomfortable, but when nature calls, I holler out an apology, avert my eyes (the exact same way I do in the lady’s room), and run to a stall.
Ain’t no shame in my game!” Remarkable-Camp-2477
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Hot take from a non-binary person: all bathrooms should be open to everyone. Sex-segregated bathrooms are not necessary. I’ve been to many mixed-gender bathrooms (not single-occupant, like multiple stalls) in various cities and I don’t understand why all bathrooms aren’t accessible for everyone.” car55tar5
15. AITJ For Excluding A Student From A School Trip Due To Language Test Failure?
“For the last four years, I’ve sponsored the international language and culture club at my son’s school. It’s been a lot of work and, real talk, expensive. In a couple of weeks, I’ve arranged a trip to Mexico. This trip is open to the entire school, as long as the student is 16+ and can pass a Spanish test.
I’m sure you can guess what the problem is. The test isn’t hard. At all. Only two kids that took it failed and they know absolutely zero Spanish. The kid in question only correctly translated hola, amigo, and gracias. I don’t think “hello friend, thanks” will get her very far.
The mom is mad at me for excluding her daughter. She says there’s no reason her daughter can’t come when other Spanish speakers are present to translate. However, since these kids are older, I’m allowing them to break into pairs and groups to do their own thing (within reason and with hourly check-ins).
No one is going to agree to be paired with the girl who can’t even buy a bottle of water without help.
The mom suggested I watch her daughter the entire trip, which I won’t do because A) I don’t want to, B) I’ll have my younger son with me and will be taking him to younger kid activities she won’t enjoy and C) I feel uncomfortable spending so much unsupervised time with a 17yo girl.
A lot of people think I’m being tough for no reason. Am I? I’m the one renting the van, paying for gas, and driving the kids. The school helped organize things, but they don’t really get a say as it’s not technically a school-sanctioned event.
Still, should I just bring this girl? Am I bullying a teenager?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There is a clear process in place for this trip. It could even be considered a reward for working hard and passing the test. It’s not a trip for anyone, it’s a trip for people who put in the effort to get the most out of it.
Just ignore her mother. Useful phrases; It’s unfortunate that x didn’t pass the test. The trip is for students who already speak Spanish. There is a reason she can’t go, she is excluded from the trip because she didn’t pass the test. This trip is only for students who passed the Spanish test. We are unable to make special accommodations for students who are not eligible for this trip.
Repeat until you get bored. You are under no obligation whatsoever to take this girl.” ResponseMountain6580
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The trip was open to the entire school, requirements are set and stated. Which I think was rather fair, if you want something bad enough you make sure you fulfill the need requirements, that is part of the deal. Not to sound mean but I am just wondering why the mother feels her child deserves special treatment, and to be exempt from the rules?
OP it is ultimately your decision as you’re the one paying and supporting this event. You gave clear instructions of what was needed to be done in order to take this trip. Do not give into bullying tactics from parents who think they are entitled to everything.” Chantalle22
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you are doing a great, in fact, amazing service for these children. This may be the only time some of these kids ever get to even have experiences outside of the country because of your generosity. You made a very simple and easy process of being a part of it with minimum requirements, and she didn’t pass.
NTJ for ensuring the kids who worked hard and took it seriously have a good time. In fact, if you were to let her in it would be a disservice to all the kids on the trip, all the previous and future ones, and all the kids who failed in the past who didn’t get to go yet she did.
Hold to your principles.” BrownieZombie1999
14. AITJ For Telling My Dad To Stop Complaining About His Financial Situation Due To Supporting My Sister's Endless Education?
“My dad’s turning 60 this year and lately he has been complaining to me about how he won’t be able to retire anytime soon. I don’t mind a little venting. His venting is becoming constant though.
The reason he can’t afford it is because he is still financially supporting my sister who is a never ending college student.
My sister is turning 30 this year. She has 2 different 4 year degrees, a 2 year graduate degree, and is right now in the second year of another 2 year graduate degree. She is applying to get into a P.H.D. degree next. She still lives with dad and our stepmom and has never had a job before aside from being a professor’s assistant during both of the 2-year degrees.
She has taken out public and private loans and credit cards to pay for everything plus the help from my dad and my stepmom. They extended the mortgage on their house to help her and neither of them can afford to retire. They pay all her bills like her phone and credit card and do all her chores like laundry.
One time my dad told me he and my stepmom have loans on top of the estimated $200k my sister has taken.
I’ve never said anything to my sister about this even though I think she needs to find a job already and stop being a student.
The only reason I even told my dad to stop complaining is because he is doing it so much that I can’t even have a normal conversation with him anymore. I didn’t even bring up my sister I just said they need to evaluate the finances and look for ways to save money.
He (correctly) guessed I was talking about my sister and he and my stepmom say I don’t understand and my sister being educated isn’t a bad thing for her future.
The big caveat is that I never went to college or anything after high school.
I’m turning 31 this year. The only reason I finished high school is because California law is that kids must be in school until they graduate or turn 18 and high school ended a month before my 18th birthday. School was not for me. Right after high school, I got a job as a bank teller.
It’s not the most glamorous or important but it pays enough to support me and I like it okay. So I don’t know how things work with colleges. My dad and stepmom are right about that fact. I just think my dad and her should not complain since they are voluntarily supporting my sister and will keep doing it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Before I get to your situation with your dad, I have to say something. You seem almost apologetic for being a bank teller. There is absolutely no shame in that job. And it IS an important job. If you don’t do your job, people don’t have their money in the right place and can’t pay their bills.
Now, on to your situation. Like you said, your dad has a right to vent…to a certain extent. If you are in a bad situation like your dad is, but do nothing to end the bad situation, you kind of lose your right to complain in my opinion.” fourjoys99
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did/said exactly the right thing. Continue to push back politely. This doesn’t need to be a big conversation but a series of polite but firm replies when Dad makes comments. For instance:
Dad: “I’ll never be able to retire.”
OP: “If retirement is a goal, then you need to prioritize paying off debt and saving for retirement.”
Dad: “Sister’s education is going to help her in the future.”
OP: “Sister is 30 years old. This is her future. If she went to work right now, she would only have 30 years until she’s the same age you are now and she’ll want to retire.
Except she has over $200k in student loans to repay during those 30 years. That’s going to be a rough future for her if she wants to retire.”
Dad: “I’m going to need help with paying off debt, retirement expenses, etc…”
You: “I can help you find a financial advisor who can help you look at your finances.
But I don’t have any money to help. You should talk to Sis about getting a job and contributing to household expenses.”
By the way…. Both your dad and sister could be deferring payments on their student loans until after she’s done with school. If they are, that debt is growing far faster than any of you realize.
Your family could owe $100k+ in accrued interest by the time she’s done. At $200k in loans and 5% interest, the interest accruing right now is $10,000 a year…and that doesn’t include new debt being taken out.” teresajs
Another User Comments:
“OP, this is so sad.
NTJ. Your dad and sister have done this voluntarily. I don’t know how to convey this, but you should find a way to do so: everyone in your family made choices – when the time comes that Dad’s health gives out (and it will) you will not step in and support him.
He invested heavily in your sister’s future livelihood and you expect her to step up and pay back the obligation. You will hear a lot about her loan payments; however, that was her choice to take money from your dad that he could have used for retirement savings.
FYI, your sister is going to be making loan payments from her social security checks.” iadggm
13. AITJ For Being Upset That My Assistant Manager Keeps Moving My Personal Items?
“I walked into work yesterday and found all my personal items missing from my area of work. I work in this area 90% of the time. My personal items are not offensive or disruptive.
Just things like my reading glasses. I look around for them. They’re nowhere to be seen. I finally ask my assistant manager where they might be and they say, “They’re in my office. We need to find a place for them.”
I’ve had these items for over 2 years and no one has ever had a problem with me having them in my area.
I do, however, have a mailbox where I can keep some things, but again, no one ever had a problem with them in my area of work.
I go to their office and get my stuff, where I see they’ve also taken some other things that I know aren’t theirs.
I go to put my stuff back and they stop me and tell me that they “don’t want them there” but say I can keep my glasses there.
So I keep my glasses there where I can easily grab them if I need them for work.
Today I come in and my glasses are gone. A coworker tells me that the assistant manager took them. I’m mad. I don’t like it when people touch my stuff, much less take them. So I find my assistant manager and tell them, “stop taking my glasses.” And they again tell me that they don’t want them in there.
I don’t know why they couldn’t just put them in my mailbox if they didn’t want them in my area. The fact they took them and put them in their office makes me feel uncomfortable. It feels like theft.
AITJ for being so upset?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – that would make me really annoyed too. I would tell the assistant manager “It makes me uncomfortable when you touch my stuff and put it in your office. Please do not do that anymore. If for some reason you need to move my belongings, please ask me first or put them in my mailbox.
Thank you.” If they do it again, go above their head and get HR or someone higher up involved. This is a very reasonable thing for you to have a problem with.” 0eozoe0
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I go ballistic when people touch my stuff (luckily I work at home and my partner knows my desk space is verboten).
Other people touching your stuff at all is bad, but glasses! Next time they do it, stumble/trip in their office to show that taking medical devices is NOT OK. As long as you have an agreement with anyone else who uses it, power-tripping jerk manager should have no say.” SnipesCC
Another User Comments:
“ESH, They made it clear they don’t want you leaving your personal items there, and they only go missing when you leave the space. I think that even though your co-workers may not have come to you directly, they are probably tired of the things you leave around.
I could be wrong, but unless they are specifically picking on you, and everyone else gets to leave their stuff wherever they want, then you are the jerk. This is work, you have to follow the rules.” lekoli_at_work
12. AITJ For Wanting My Husband To Stay Home While I'm In Labor?
“I, 28f and my husband 37 are expecting our second baby.
I am already 40 weeks pregnant and I was at the hospital where they started to induce me. I was already having light/manageable contractions when they sent me home to RELAX in hopes of getting things going.
My husband’s father had his 60th birthday party which my husband already attended in the afternoon.
At 8 pm he picked me up at the hospital and at 8.30 pm he announced that he would go back to his dad’s party now. I asked him to stay home, since he already went and since I might be returning to the hospital very soon.
He got angry and started mumbling under his breath that I am unbelievable and that his father turns 60 only once (side note: he doesn’t even have a good relationship with him). My hormones were already all over the place and I started crying and told him to leave then.
He grabbed his keys and off he went.
Our son started crying when his dad left and wanted him to come home. So there I was, pregnant with contractions, trying to console my son, getting him ready for bed, and ending up sleeping by his side (even though he is sick right now).
I texted my mum since I felt so desperate and she texted my husband to please not leave me alone at this time. He called me and yelled at me asking why I had to tell my mum.
Contractions stopped completely and now I am scheduled for a C-Section tomorrow.”
Another User Comments:
“He had already attended the party for hours – he should’ve stayed home. His son is sick – he should’ve stayed home. His wife is full-term – he should’ve stayed home. His wife was induced that day – he should’ve stayed home.
His wife was in active labor – he should’ve stayed home. I’m sorry you were put into such a position. It’s hard with a sick kid, it’s hard at full term, it’s hard being in active labor yet not knowing if you could start suddenly pushing in ten minutes or have several hours.
It’s hard when your partner dismisses your feelings and it’s gross that after you asked your mum for help, he chose to have a go at you further and now he’s not talking to you? And getting his whole family to berate you for needing to be induced and for then not wanting to be alone?
He and his family are the jerks here, not you.
I really wish you a safe, calm, and happy entrance for your second. If he’s not talking to you then leave him to stew in his own stupid feelings until he realizes how much of a jerk move he’s pulled in the last 24 hours.
Let your dad look after your son and have your mum with you. You need to keep as calm as possible as it’s a major surgery and you, and your baby, need the best circumstances. Him blanking you and having a mood to resemble a toddler is not calming.
If he isn’t going to hold your hand, wipe your face, tell you that you’re doing great, etc but sit there quiet and moody? Screw him. If your mum can do that, then take her. There isn’t time to try and appease his foolishness right now, right now it’s keeping your baby safe.
So do what you must.” Fumble_Luna85
Another User Comments:
“OK don’t do this but it would be so tempting to tell this “funny story” to the midwives when you are in hospital and your husband is around. Let him explain to them why his father’s party was soooo important.
Don’t do this in real life; it’s kerosene on a fire. NTJ of course. On a more serious note is it possible for your mother to come home to help you for a while? Wait until after child 2 is born. Husband may get over himself.
If he doesn’t you are going to need help.” 8kijcj
Another User Comments:
“You are so NTJ. If my husband had done that to me, I would’ve left him. That can put you, your baby’s, and your son’s lives in danger because if you had had the baby that night, you would have been home alone with your son.
1. You can’t care for your son while giving birth 2. There are so many complications that can arise with giving birth at home unexpectedly 3. If you had tried driving yourself to the hospital, you could have gotten into an accident. It seems he didn’t think of any consequences.” Inner-Brother7357
11. AITJ For Revealing My Colleague Was My School Bully?
“I (23F) didn’t exactly have the best school life, I was bullied from my first day of school and it was continuous throughout until the very end. Most of which I simply accepted and carried. But some bullies were worse than others.
Luckily I rarely have to see anybody from my school days and if I run into some I tend to just try and end the conversation as soon as possible, simply because the bullies never apologized and left my mental health so damaged, I couldn’t simply ‘move on’ like I’m often told to do.
Recently one of them (22M) started working with the same business as me. Just a separate store, one I occasionally help out at, and trade staff with. I didn’t realize this until somebody mentioned him in conversation.
I was apprehensive but as it was work, I didn’t say anything and gave him a chance, for a while it seemed he didn’t recognize me either, which I was grateful for.
Fast forward two weeks later and he’s helping out at the store I’m running, and he begins to continuously talk over me. Argue. Tell me I’m doing my job incorrectly. Which was frustrating and I tell him this, he didn’t seem to like this and went on a rant about how I hadn’t changed at all and slipped in an old nickname, which sounds innocent when you don’t know that it came from bullies for years.
When questioned by others what he meant he proceeded to tell stories about from school about how I ‘always acted the idiot’, ‘didn’t know when to grow up’, and ‘faked a bunch of learning difficulties’ (I didn’t. They were just undiagnosed officially for a few years).
At this point I snap, and say ‘at least I wasn’t a bully’ and when I was questioned, I told them everything. From what he said to what he did. Which stemmed from name-calling, to slurs, to physical bullying.
The issue is his mother also works with us and she was unaware of any of this and it seems to have caused a huge rift between them, to the point where she hasn’t spoken to him.
Colleagues are now saying I’m the jerk for bringing it up because he ‘could have changed’.
And maybe I did go too far.
I just need a second opinion.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“”Colleagues are now saying I’m the jerk for bringing it up, because he ‘could have changed.'” Except he just proved that he hasn’t changed by laying into you like he did and using an old name he used to bully you.
He is still a bully, and he’s even still using the same bullying methods he did in school. You gave him the benefit of the doubt at first, HE was the one who brought up the past, you were willing to let it go until he brought it up.
He brought this on himself, and people need to stop blaming the victim. NTJ.” minicooperlove
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, especially because he DIDN’T change, he actively tried to start bullying you again! He just didn’t expect you to stand up for yourself this time.
I would honestly contact your human resources about this, and let them know about the past that you guys share, including all of the actions that he’s done before. This way it will give them a frame of reference if he starts trying to get other people to call you by the name he bullied you with, and they can take action.
This sounds like the type of guy who will go around telling a different story for sympathy points, and smear your good name so that people won’t believe you. It’s up to you if you want to get the truth out there first. NTJ though.” ppl_n_r_neighborhood
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He DID NOT change when he told those stories about you from school. Glad you called him out in front of everyone so that he has no legs to stand on. Do not give him an inch unless he sincerely apologizes to you.
I am very glad you stood up for yourself! Kudos!” zenmode13
10. AITJ For Not Giving My Estranged Dad Personal Information For His Job Application?
“I used to be close with my dad but over the years we drifted, we live a few hours apart but he never visits, not even after the birth of his granddaughter. I don’t hear from him at Christmas/birthdays unless I text first (he sends a card so I text to say thanks).
It got upsetting when he didn’t show up to my daughter’s birthday party (1st birthday, nearly 2 still hasn’t met her). The only time he asked to see us in the past few years was the weekend my mum was getting remarried (which he knew about through extended family and only did it to force me to say it was her wedding).
Fast forward a few months, I asked if he wanted me to drive to him so he could meet my daughter. He ignored it. A week later texts me asking for me to confirm all my details (name, address, DOB, how long I’ve lived at my new house) but wouldn’t say why just ‘trust me.’
So I ignored it. Which is unlike me, but I was so fed up of being ignored, him making no effort until he needed something from me.
Anyway, he texted a few weeks after to say he needed it for a background check for a new job he applied for and I was the only one who didn’t reply.
He said he didn’t get the job and believes it was ‘wholly my fault’ and that I don’t care about him anymore and I don’t have time for him in my ‘happy new life’ and so he doesn’t want to be in it anymore and how it’s my fault he’s not met ‘his’ granddaughter because I’ve not driven her to him and everyone else has got to meet her.
He deleted and blocked me on everything before I could reply.
I don’t feel guilty, and to be honest I don’t feel the loss much either. My family thinks I’m in the right but we are close so it doesn’t surprise me they’d take my side.
So from neutral viewpoints AITJ for not giving him what he needed for his job?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds a lot like my dad. His background check has little to do with you unless it’s a gov. job and they require family info. All the same, there are options to mark it unknown.
He probably is trying to just make you feel bad.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“He’s absolutely correct; it’s your fault he didn’t get the job. It’s also your fault that there are wars, that the planet is suffering from global warming, and that we are in a mass extinction event.
How could you? He sounds like a 3rd rate narcissist. NTJ.” Gothic0165
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ve applied for several jobs, and when I need someone to be a reference I say exactly that when I call. Didn’t blame a single reference if they chose another candidate.
Never had to have any of their personal info though. Name, phone number, email address, job title, and how I know them. I would not give anyone all that credit application information. Plus, how does he not know his kid’s DOB.” Other_Trip3071
9. AITJ For Wanting My Cousin To Move Out Of My Parents' Apartment Before I Start College?
“I (f18) am going away for college and I don’t want to live with my cousin (f25). My parents bought an apartment in the city where I am going to college a few years back, and since my cousin was also studying there at the time they allowed her to live there.
She has now finished school and she has been working for almost two years, but she still lives there.
Recently, her partner moved in with her, and since I am starting college in the fall I am going to move there in about 2 months. I have asked my parents whether she would move out or not and they throw a tantrum every time.
They said that she could live there for as long as she wanted and that I am a spoiled kid for wanting her not to do so, or maybe I want to do some bad things and I don’t want her there to tell them.
The thing is I just want my privacy and besides that college is the time that you are supposed to have fun and figure life by yourself, not living with a person that is 7 years older than you. Also, I feel like she wouldn’t be the best person to live with, as she has been staying alone for all these years, and I can admit that I can be quite messy.
She has also put me in some uncomfortable situations, as I had to go to that city a few times this year, and my visits were either school-related or I just wanted to have fun with my friends. Nothing exaggerated, it was about 3 times for 2-3 days each time.
The first time she told me I should find some other place to stay over the weekend, so I stayed with a friend. And the last time she just kept on bringing up stuff like we will see, I don’t know what I am doing then, I might have a friend from abroad over in that time period, and after that she said something about it being weird that I wanted to come on a weekday and that she knew it was a weekday because her friend was coming over, so indirectly telling me to go find another place.
So out of the 3 times that I was there, I could only sleep in my parents’ place once.
My parents keep on defending her and saying that I am overreacting and that the fact that I am going to live with her won’t be so bad, but her partner still hasn’t moved out.
So am I the jerk for wanting her to move out?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think your parents need to make it clear to her, while you are present that this is their house. Not hers and not yours and nobody is in charge of who stays there bar them.
Your cousin acts like she is doing you a favour letting you stay at her place. Also, the SO has to go and should not be allowed to stay over… if he does you will be totally outnumbered whenever you are there, made to feel unwelcome, etc.” Edenxwp
Another User Comments:
“I was just about to ask if she was paying rent. Of course she should move out. She’s finished college now and has a job and a partner she wants to live with. I’m assuming from the situation you’ve described that this apartment was bought with your accommodation in mind.
It’s time for your parents to let your cousin know that she needs to find her own place, so you can have yours. Your cousin got given her own place to live, rent-free whilst she studied. Aren’t you entitled to the same thing?
Why should you have to share with someone else when she didn’t? And her SO living there too? No way. That’s not an acceptable situation, and even if he did officially move out, you can guarantee he’d be back staying over more nights than he wasn’t.
That’s just what you don’t need, especially if there’s only one bathroom to share.
It’s time for your cousin to grow up, and start taking responsibility to provide for her own needs, and it’s time for your parents to get their stuff together and give your cousin a date to move out by.
No ‘when she finds somewhere she can afford’ or sometime in the next few months’. A set date, and before term starts too. It reads like they’re trying to avoid a confrontation with your cousin, which is just daft because they are the people here who should be controlling the situation.
I suppose the other solution is to do what they should already have done as soon as she got a job; charge her rent at a reasonable market value. Of course she doesn’t want to give up a free place to live, but it’s time for her to put on her big girl pants and either find her own place or start paying for this one.
If she does want to stay and pay, that money can always go towards an apartment for you. Job done. NTJ.” the_esjay
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your cousin has already become so entitled to that apartment owned by your parents that she will always act like you are a cockroach that crawled in.
Unfortunately, you’ll probably have to suck it up unless the cousin and her SO do something truly horrendous. Your parents apparently have some notion she’ll be a proxy parent and keep you out of trouble. Shows how little they know.” lonnielee3
8. AITJ For Not Giving My Working Daughter Money For Clothes Like I Did My Jobless Son?
“I (50F) and my husband (50M) have 2 kids (17M and 20F).
They both live at home and my daughter moved back. We encouraged her to seek out a job while in college so she had her own funds while she lived at home. She has a full-time job for the summer and will need to seek out another job when the school year starts.
We also encourage our son to get a small part-time job after school but he refuses.
At the beginning of the school year, we gave our son about $300 to go shopping for school clothes since he does not have a job or any funds. Although his birthday was last weekend, we don’t think it’s fair that he spends his own funds on clothes that we should be providing.
My daughter is upset because we are not giving her any funds to buy clothes as we did my son. She has her own job and own funds and we should not have to provide her the funds that she already has to buy her own clothes.
Does she have the right to be upset? AITJ?
She was not forced to get a job when she was his age but she did have her own money and spent it on things she wanted.
She has spent a lot of money on us and her brother in the past and helped out financially.
But we feel that’s what she should do after all we’ve done for her and she has the money to help out financially.”
Another User Comments:
“Did you tell your daughter she was responsible for paying for clothes once she started working? Is she responsible for other necessary things like school supplies, personal supplies, etc.?
YTJ. She’s being “punished” for starting work at 16 and asking for less funds from you. Yes she’s technically an adult NOW but by your own words she asked for less from you and paid for more at your son’s age. She’s also still a student.
Your son has funds you just chose to not make him use his birthday funds for clothes. Treat your kids equally.” PiFighter1979
Another User Comments:
“”But we feel that’s what she should do after all we’ve done for her and she has the money to help out financially.” Full stop.
This is why most parents fail. They only see raising their kids as some chore and expect something in return as if it were some sort of business investment. “After all” you have “done for her”? THAT IS WHAT YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO DO AS PARENTS: TO PROVIDE FOR YOUR KIDS TO MAKE SURE THAT THEY HAVE A DECENT START TO THEIR INDEPENDENT LIVES.
NO STRINGS ATTACHED. That you would hold something over her the way you are reeks of entitlement. Massive YTJ.” UberN00b719
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. But let me fix your post for you. “Am I The Jerk? My daughter respected our wishes and started working at 16 so that we didn’t have to fully support her, even though she was a minor.
And we also leaned on her financially when we were short on funds. My son blew us off and refused to contribute by getting a job, as his sister did at his age. Now my daughter is hurt because we continue to coddle her brother, in spite of his lack of initiative.
(I’m going to throw in comments about how she is no longer underage to muddy the waters, but she totally has been upright and responsible since before she turned 18. My son is lazy and entitled.) Now, please validate my jerkery and tell me that I am not the jerk, so I can continue to give better treatment to my son (who is worth more than a daughter) while taking advantage of my daughter’s strong work ethic.” Seriously, YTJ.
And you are not doing your son any favors by enabling him. You will be lucky if he doesn’t end up being a burden on society.” Maximum-Company2719
7. AITJ For Blowing Up At My Parents And Sister During My Graduation Dinner?
“I (F18) made a big scene at my graduation dinner and I’m starting to feel I’m a jerk.
For background, I am the second child my parents had. My older sister (F21) has been a wreck for a long time. Substance abuse, partying, excessive drinking, if you think of it my sister has probably done it. I don’t know why she is this way and neither do my parents but it has strained my relationship with her and my parents.
No matter how much I excelled, it was always “we need to worry about your sister right now” every single time. Every recital, championship, or award I got my parents never went to or even acknowledged because they were too worried about my sister. Eventually, I just stopped trying until I got into a really good school that I had been dying to go to.
When I first told my parents obviously they were happy for me but problems came up when my sister felt she was being left out. This was because I voiced that I really didn’t want my sister at my celebration dinner. However, my parents ended up convincing me otherwise.
Now we ended up having to postpone the dinner twice because my sister had gotten into legal trouble but this past weekend was supposed to be the set date.
The dinner started great and the guests were enjoying themselves but my parents hadn’t arrived. An hour and a half later my parents still weren’t there and weren’t answering their phones.
Eventually, after a whole 2 hours, my parents showed up and apologized to the GUESTS. I pulled them aside and asked them where they were and where my sister was.
To make a long story short my sister called my parents telling them she needed help and was sobbing about how she felt like a failure because the “ golden child” was taking all the good attention while she got the bad.
So my parents, instead of calling or anything, spent 2 hours comforting her. I was so angry that I just started screaming. I told them that I hated them, that they were bad parents, and anything else I could say.
I went home and started packing a small bag since I decided I was too angry to stay at the house.
My sister happened to be there and asked me what was wrong and I ended up ripping into her as well. I yelled at her louder than I did my parents and ended up telling her I wished I was an only child or that she would just disappear.
I’m currently staying at a friend’s house and have been getting a string of calls from my parents saying what I did was beyond disgusting and that what I said to my sister was terrible. Honestly, even though it felt good in the moment, I feel horrible now.
They are my only close family and I may have lost them before I go off to college. My friends and partner say I’m not the jerk but they are biased so that’s why I ask here. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell your parents that there is no excuse for not letting you know they would be late.
This is just the latest of many instances where both of your parents rewarded your sister’s attention-seeking behavior at a big cost to you. Your needs and wants should not always be treated as secondary to your sister’s. You should be able to count and rely on them but you cannot.
Make a list of events and special occasions in your life that you would have liked your parents to be a part of. Include the original 2 postponed celebrations and the final, failed celebration. Go through and highlight/color code them based on things like: Sister in trouble, sister wanted attention, sister interrupted/interfered, Then pick a color to represent when parents attended on time and without issues.
Show this to them. Tell them you don’t know how much more rejection and disappointment you will accept from them. Ask them if they are willing to change.” Mermaidtoo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Everyone has their breaking point and you reached yours. Your sister is delusional. She calls YOU the golden child when SHE has been getting all of the attention all of these years?
As for your parents, they could not even CALL YOU???!!! They ARE bad parents. Now that you are at your friend’s house, NOW THEY CALL???!!! Where were they when you NEEDED them? Get out of there. Go to college. Make friends who will love and support you.
Your parents and your sister deserve each other.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m the “golden child” too. And have done the same thing. Not at a dinner, but the exact same. It took almost a decade, but eventually, my parents apologized for sticking up for the messed up one.
They told me they tried to help put them on the right path and didn’t put me 1st any of the time because they knew they didn’t need to. I assume your parents feel the same, they’ll come around. And you’ll forgive them and yourself eventually.” Rylawr
6. AITJ For Being Upset That My Poly Parents Read My Private Diary Expressing My Desire For Monogamy?
“I’m 20f, moved out of my parents’ house 2 years ago and I’m a college student.
My parents always had a pretty open marriage/relationship and both are poly. They’ve had partners over the years and it’s all been very open to me. I think having watched their relationship I have come to realize I would never be okay with being in an open relationship myself and I also wouldn’t like a relationship like my parents.
By that I mean I am a one-person kinda woman. I am also bi, but for me, I would never want a relationship with more than one significant other at a time.
I have a lot of my thoughts like that written down in an old diary I kept as a teenager.
I was never disgusted or ashamed of my parents, but I have kind of always thought theirs was not the kind of relationship I would want. My dad ended up finding that old diary in a box of books at my parents’ house. He shared with my mom.
They waited until I visited home for a while and confronted me about what I wrote. This led to us fighting. Neither of them was able to see what I said as anything other than judgment and shame in them. I told them they should never have read my diary and that I should be allowed to feel and think how I do and not be attacked for it.
They said I was being narrow-minded and bigoted. I told them I would like to think we can want different things for ourselves and have no hard feelings. They said I was being intentionally obtuse and dismissive of their hurt.
It’s been some weeks now and they’re still mad about what I wrote but also about what they see as me dismissing their feelings.
I feel so incredibly violated that my diary was read.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So very NTJ!! Your diary was private and they had NO business reading it! EVERYONE knows a diary is private! As for your feelings – those are also private. It doesn’t matter if they agree or not… they are YOUR feelings (just as their feelings are theirs) and not open for discussion by them or anyone else unless you wish it….
particularly as their knowledge of your feelings was obtained by going through your private diary. They are the ones being obtuse and dismissive of YOUR feelings -that were you voicing your feelings as a child… in a private diary. ( I still can’t get over them reading your private diary and thinking it was ‘ok’..
not only to read it.. but to confront you about what you wrote! Talk about ‘obtuse’!!)” MissSuzieSunshine
Another User Comments:
“NTJ OP, it was a violation of your privacy, they shouldn’t have read your diary, it’s yours and only you can read it, no one more unless you decide.
On the other hand, they don’t have to bother about things you wrote years ago, besides that they are. They are closed-minded because they do not accept that you think differently from them and their lifestyle, you want to be with a single partner and they do not, and that is fine, each one has their way of thinking and must be respected. You have not said anything against their life, you just wrote that you didn’t want it for yourself, is that bad?
Can’t we not want something for ourselves? This is the last straw, they want you to be open-minded when they are not, they do not accept that their daughter does not want to have a life like theirs and only wants a partner. NTJ OP, don’t listen to their words and please keep your things very well from now on.
Because it is seen that they do not respect your privacy and if they find more things that they do not like, there will be more and more unnecessary fights, so to avoid that, keep or take those kinds of things to protect your privacy from them.” Fallen_Angel_250
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here? Or maybe NTJ? Not sure. In this situation, communication is important. The fact that you feel like they violated your privacy is understandable. You should clearly tell them and they should apologize for reading your diary. BUT, what has been done has been done and they must not ignore what they read in your diary either.
You should make them understand that you have nothing against polyamory but that personally, you can’t. Just try to replace “polyamory” with “homosexuality” to understand them. Would a straight ally say “I have nothing against gay people but I don’t want that for myself”? No. It’s just not you.
You’re not polyamorous, they are. I understand that they may be hurt because there is a judgment about their way of life and that they misunderstood what you wrote. You need to communicate, nothing more.” Vaniaz26
5. AITJ For Not Letting My Ex-Wife Say Goodbye To Our Cat?
“It’s started with small things, my cool expensive car broke down.
I don’t live in a first-world country. So a 2011 German Car is still cool. I didn’t receive wages for 4 months and my savings were depleted. (I work for my dad and I didn’t take my wage, let higher-ups get theirs so that our employees living paycheck to paycheck could get their wages.) I was broke and trying my best to make sure the company survives.
During this period my wife said she wanted a divorce.
I was not the best husband I can fully admit that. And she says the same thing about herself. I tried to work things out but they didn’t. I always wanted a cat and after we got our own place we got a kitten.
After I understood the fact that she does not love me which she said multiple times I accepted this. I fulfilled all of my legal obligations, I owned 50% of her business which I have waived rights to, and legally gifted them to her. And peacefully gave her all the things she had forgotten at my place.
E.g. clothes or earrings.
We’ve been living separately for two months and she said she’s leaving the city tomorrow and wanted to say goodbye to our cat. (His name is Burrito btw) And I finally think Burrito and I found our headspace where he does not search for her anymore or wait for her to come back.
Or wait by the door, we have our schedule now. And I said no, I don’t want him to smell her again for him to look after her again and wait for her to come back. Or am I projecting my feelings on my cat as an excuse not to see her again?
Because she just packed and left and even thinking of taking him or discussing that part is hard. Or am I the jerk for not letting her say goodbye?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ if you didn’t let her say goodbye to the cat you both raised, just because of your feelings.
You’re definitely projecting your feelings onto the cat. Reading back through your post history…your wife left you because of your gambling addiction. So… you’re definitely the jerk.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Letting her say goodbye to the cat wouldn’t have caused any trauma.
This entire post shows that everything is about you. Your car, your job, your happiness. You try to sound like a great guy with the job, talking about not taking pay so that the company could survive. The problem is that you had a wife to take care of as well.
You obviously put many other things in front of your wife so it’s no surprise that she left you. You seemed like a horrible husband, so the least you could have done was to let her say goodbye to the cat. But yet again, if it really is the cat’s mental health you’re so concerned about, you put something else before her.
Please don’t get married again.” cazzodrago
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- if it has been 2 months since she had seen your cat and he has calmed down and is no longer searching for her then no you aren’t being the jerk. My cats would go nuts all over again if their person came in gave some pets and then left. Literally meowing, pacing, puking, not eating, etc… don’t stress the cat out just for her to feel better.
I know it may sound jerky but some cats can be very sensitive. So why stress the cat so your ex can have a couple of utils of enjoyment for your ex then you deal with the aftermath. It sounds like you have been pretty accommodating on other areas of the divorce so it sounds like if it didn’t stress Burrito out you would let her see him but that is not the case.
Good luck to you and Burrito.” Disastrous-Draft4717
4. AITJ For Feeling Excluded When My Family Didn't Invite Me To Disneyland?
“I’ve felt mistreated and left out my whole life. I’ve just felt like the black sheep in the family and really just left out ever since I could remember (I’m the middle child so that should just explain everything).
I moved out of my parents’ house at 18 because I just wasn’t being treated right and I just felt like it was my time to go, my siblings were different. Both my siblings and my niece (my sister’s daughter) live with my parents. I’m 32, My older sister is 35 and my younger brother is 28.
My parents decided to take both my brother, sister, and niece to Disneyland FOR FREE, they’re paying for it all and didn’t even invite me or my kids. Not even an invite, I would’ve paid! but we didn’t even get an invite.
I just felt left out and not cared about or thought of (PER USUAL) so I called my mom and asked her why didn’t she even at least invite me and her grandkids and it’s all “they live here” “It was nothing against you” “we would love for you to come, we just don’t have the funds” “you’re grown you could pay yourself” and yadda yadda.
That’s her excuse every time and I just felt like this was my last straw so I told her to just give me some space and not call me again and I hung up. it’s not about me paying or y’all paying for me and my kids.
it’s the principal and this is not the first time they have done something like this.
My sister called me trying to argue because my mom is “upset” and “crying” but nobody ever cares about how I feel. I told her to also stop calling me or I would block them all.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. An invite would have been the bare minimum. I am also a firm believer that you should try to provide the same things for all your kids. Obviously, there will always be differences, especially when some are still at home and others aren’t.
But to totally exclude one child is just wrong to me.” Fantastic-Focus-7056
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. I understand how you feel. My mom did the same to me. #3 out of 4 children. The older two got everything and the youngest spoiled. Caused me to resent my mom a lot.
When my siblings got into college, huge deal. When I did, crickets. My baby brother though has been supportive of me. Anyway, I understand your pain considerably. It really isn’t fair what your parents have done to you. I would just be distant from them and tell your sister to back off.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I get where you are coming from but I also feel that the people who still live together are the ones who automatically go on vacation. Once you move out, you lose a little bit of that expectation. Also as you have children plural, it would have added a lot more to the bill.
Your mother might have thought it was wrong to semi-obligate you to pay for yourself and your children when everyone else is going for free. She may have thought you’d want to spend your hard-earned money on a vacation of your children.” Shanstergoodheart
3. AITJ For Serving Cold Food At My Summer Party?
“Yesterday we had a summer party. We all went to the beach and I invited everyone to my place for dinner after. I figured everyone would be hot from being at the beach all day.
So I made a bunch of cold dishes.
I made stuffed grape leaves, hummus, tabbouleh, Greek salad, chilled chicken and gazpacho. In addition to all of this cooling us down, it was easier to make the food in the morning and stick it in the fridge than to make food when we got back, which people would have to wait for.
I had everything in serving dishes and let people make their own plates.
My SiL got upset when she realized the chicken was cold and asked why there was no cooked food. I said the chicken was cooked, but I pulled it apart, seasoned it, and chilled it in the fridge.
Several people piped up that it was good and worth trying.
SiL was upset because I invited her for a meal and only served snacks. I said they weren’t snacks, there was protein, veg, and carbs. This was a meal. She said if it was a meal it would be hot and plated. This was a snack bar.
I shrugged at that point because I can’t argue her out of an opinion.
She and my brother left. My mom said it was a “learning experience.” Is it a jerk move to serve your guests cold dinner? Is self-serve not acceptable for these types of gatherings?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your SIL is being ridiculous. That sounds delicious and also nice after being in the sun all day, especially since it means that you can serve food quickly after arriving back from the beach. I love a good burger or hot dog but if people get hangry in the sun you don’t want to have them waiting 30+ minutes for the first of the protein.
This wouldn’t change my vote, but I’m wondering, is your SIL just a very picky eater? This kind of sounds like maybe she might be the type to only like what she considers “normal” food and anything from other areas or that isn’t heavily Americanized she’s not into.
It could just be that she has a weird thing about dinner = hot but I wonder if she’d react the same way if the food was chilled fruit salad, coleslaw, potato salad, pasta salad, etc. She’s still a jerk for her behavior. Picky eaters still are responsible for being polite guests.
I can’t eat dairy and I prioritize making sure I can feed myself because a lot of people don’t know what all is and isn’t dairy and nobody ever minds if I contribute a large side that is safe for me to eat.
The point being, food needs and preferences can be handled with tact and she displayed none!” maidrey
Another User Comments:
“So I generally don’t like cold food and if I went somewhere expecting dinner and there was just what you described I would be disappointed. HOWEVER, you are super NTJ.
I have no reason to expect other people to have the exact same preferences as me, that would be incredibly unreasonable. I’d thank them for the food, politely eat a bit of it, then grab something else on the way home.” OliverBarley
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You served a lot of options in that cold-food meal. When it’s hot outside, cold food just tends to feel better. And your description of the “menu” sounds like a fabulous summery dinner. I’d have been thrilled with that spread! As for the “learning experience” comment, I’d say you learned that your SiL is incredibly entitled and expects not just free food, but free food that is precisely what she wants to eat in that moment, no matter what the person who paid for and prepared the food feels like making.” omgpwny
2. AITJ For Sending My "Sick" Mother-In-Law To A Hotel?
“My mother-in-law is here visiting my daughter for the first time and every time she comes to visit she is “sick”. Once it was anxiety to get on a plane, the other time she “broke her toe”, another time it was a migraine, and this time she “threw up”.
I put air quotes because her toe definitely didn’t break and I highly doubt she threw up. My husband says she’s addicted to being “sick” and will constantly go to the hospital all the time.
So yesterday she comes out of the bathroom and goes “uh I just threw up, I think I should get a hotel.
Do you have a thermometer?” I get her the thermometer and it’s no fever. I’m giving my daughter a bath later and she comes and says ”I don’t think I should watch (my daughter) tomorrow since I’m sick” making me have to call out of work last minute.
So 30 minutes later my husband said “if you feel like you’re too sick to watch her then you’ll need to check into a hotel, our daughter is our main priority.” And she legit goes “oh I feel fine now, I mean I was gonna go on a walk to go get ice cream.” Too darn late psycho, I still sent her to a hotel.
Even if she isn’t really “sick” this is how I’d be if she was so I don’t feel guilty at all. I also never really got along with her, my husband knows I don’t like her coming down because she’s a major attention seeker.
Which makes me wonder if I’m being a jerk to her because of this? Either way to be honest I hope she learns from it and realizes how insane she is. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your MIL sounds like she’s a hypochondriac which is a mental health disorder.
Your husband said it best when he said “our daughter is our main priority”. So I wouldn’t feel guilty for sending her to a hotel even though you think she’s exaggerating or faking her ailments. Regardless of it being fake or not she doesn’t appear to be reliable.
Technically though if she truly is a hypochondriac or something along the lines of having a mental health disorder, then she is sick, she’s just not sick with broken toes and migraines. Perhaps someone could look into this and see if she could get assessed. It could get worse without treatment.” cattripper
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell her that she isn’t welcome around the baby while sick so any mentions of illness, especially vomiting or respiratory-related, mean instantly leaving your house, no negotiation. Neither you nor your husband need to get sick either. I doubt she is ill, she’s likely attention seeking and a hypochondriac, but when she realizes that faking illness means she’s out the door every time then she might rein herself in a bit.” Lulubelle__007
Another User Comments:
“Honestly, my mom was like this and still is. I could call her and say “oh man I have a headache and didn’t sleep great last night” and she will reply with “oh I’ve had a headache for three days and haven’t had sleep in a week” She’s in and out of the dr weekly.
It was mentally draining and physically draining. We are now low contact and when we talk and she tells me about all of her symptoms I just say, hope you feel better. Nothing more, nothing less. I don’t ask or pry. I’m just used to it at this point.
NTJ. You did what was right. And I suggest keeping that same energy FOREVER. Oh, you’re sick? Please don’t come over. Oh, you threw up, not a good time to be over. If she’s over and mentions not feeling well, please do not keep coming to my house sick.” [deleted]
1. AITJ For Giving My Nephews Money For A Field Trip Without Asking Their Parents First?
“My brother and his wife have five kids and now they’re struggling financially like a lot of families. I only have two and my ex and I make a lot of money, plus we’re very tight with it.
My two boys go to the same summer camp as their two oldest boys.
When I dropped off my kids this morning, I ran into my nephews and spoke to them. The camp was going on a field trip to an amusement park.
I noticed both boys had a lunch. I thought that was particular because other kids brought cash to buy lunch there and for souvenirs.
I asked them about it thinking my brother didn’t know.
They said their parents had money. I was like forget that. I told them that I’d buy their lunch for $40 each. Of course they took the offer.
So I went to an ATM and gave their counselor $40 for each boy for lunch or whatever.
When I picked up my sons, I asked my nephews what they did and what they bought and ate. Having the cash made a massive difference.
30 minutes ago, my brother texted me to tell me I should have run the idea by him first. He said he felt like a horrible parent.
I told him that $80 wasn’t a lot of money to me. That’s like 2 hours of overtime. He should move on.
The boys are 8 and 11.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for giving them cash. But major YTJ for shrugging off your brother’s hurt pride! I can sadly tell you from experience: you won’t be able to help your niblings with the important things (shoes that fit, medical care, etc) if they learn their emotional life suffers when they get anything from you.
Besides, only two siblings out of five having that experience may have caused a problem at home. “I love that my kids have so many cousins nearby. I love getting to vicariously experience the joys of a big family through you without the burdens. Please don’t take it as an insult when I do things to make your or their lives a little easier.
I’m happy to do it.”” Far-Slice-3821
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, it’s a nice thing you did for your nephews but you didn’t clear it with their parents and when confronted on it you doubled down. Responses that probably would have gone over better ‘Of course you’re not a terrible parent.
I just didn’t want them to feel left out when I could help.’ ‘Sorry I didn’t check with you first, it was a last-minute thing and I didn’t want the boys to feel left out.’ Focus on your nephews, not how the money isn’t a big deal to you.
I am in a similar situation with a niece of mine, when I buy her stuff or take her to nicer places that her parents can’t afford I always emphasize that it’s for her and has nothing to do with what her parents can or cannot afford.” No-Locksmith-8590
Another User Comments:
“You’re definitely NTJ. You just wanted to make sure your nephews got to have the same experience as your own kids. It’s extremely kind of you. However, your comment was inappropriate. I think if you would have said something more like- it was worth it to me to spend the money on my nephews, It’s a gift and I don’t mean to step on your toes.
– it would’ve been an entirely different conversation than acting like $80 for a field trip isn’t a big deal. For a lot of families, that IS a big deal. My parents would give me max $20 for field trips to buy snacks and such, even in the years when we were in a good financial situation.
Everything else came out of the money I got from working in my parents’ store. I’m a good 5+ years out of high school so some inflation might bump that average of $20 up, but it’s still a lot of money for someone with 5 young kids. You also could’ve framed the money differently for the kids- saying something along the lines of this is a summer treat or a reward for working so hard in school.
They likely don’t want this to be an expectation for every field trip they take since they can’t provide it every time.” littlestgoldfish
