People Ask For Advice On Their Intriguing "Am I The Jerk" Stories
24. AITJ For Not Including My Other Coworkers In A Bridesmaids-Only Surprise?
“I (19 F) have two very good friends who I work with in a cafe. One of them is getting married this year and asked us to be her bridesmaids. I was beyond the moon and very excited for her.
Well, both of us decided to pull a last-minute surprise as she was going to her home country soon and is getting married there (I will be attending). The day before her last day, we got her some balloons, some flowers, a nice card, and a few other bits to make her day and remind her how special she truly is to us.
We were going to give it to her before I left work the next day.
The next day came and we did the surprise, she was very happy and couldn’t stop crying, along with us! We made her the surprise when she wasn’t looking and one of the supervisors was watching us and decided to take a few pics of us.
Well, these were posted on the group chat, and the next day, another colleague asked us why we didn’t include her in the surprise and we told her that this was a surprise from the bridesmaids only and we had only started this job not that long ago (less than 2 months).
We moved on but today, 2 weeks later, another colleague of us who we don’t really like, told me she felt awkward not knowing about the surprise as according to her everyone could’ve put a small amount of money towards the surprise and I explained again that it was a bridesmaids-only surprise.
It was something special from us and I had told the manager about this and if he wanted, he could’ve bought a card for everyone to sign to give her before she left. She still gave me weird talks and words about it but I still feel a bit strange about this.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Weddings are not generally work-related events, they are personal events. By choosing to make the surprise only from the bridal party and no one else, you not only excluded your workmates but also sent a very loud message that they were not included. When two of these workmates brought this to your attention after, you reiterated that they were not included.
If you wanted to surprise the bride before she left the country and not include your workmates you should have chosen a location other than your workplace. Otherwise, a going away or celebratory event should have included everyone.” formerpe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all.
In fact, your coworkers’ reactions make no sense. Are they even friends with the bride? Were they even invited to the wedding? It seems like the subject was entirely none of their business. Even if they wanted to be included, they could have bought their own cards or created their own special surprises.
The weirdest part of all was the fact that they were upset with you! Why? They weren’t included in your personal gift to the bride? Imagine giving someone a birthday gift and everyone else says why didn’t you put my name on it too?
Makes zero sense! You even had permission from the manager. You did absolutely nothing wrong here.” midnight_prophet_
23. AITJ For Not Wanting To Babysit My Cousin's Daughter Anymore?
“I (19 F) frequently do favors for my family and rarely get compensated correctly if at all.
Recently my cousin ‘Angel’ (25 F) asked me to take care of her kid ‘Jane’ (6 F) until she gets approved for a nurse while she works. I previously babysat for her other two kids (3 F and 5 F) when she went to bring Jane to her grandparents’ house and attend a festival in another country for a week and ended up having to watch them for an extra week because she couldn’t get a flight back.
I ended up using the money she paid me (100 dollars) to get me and the kids through the week. I never ended up getting paid back.
I felt bad for Jane bc she is autistic, so I agreed, the only reason she’s here right now is because she stopped eating, almost died, and came back here for surgery.
The other 2 kids are now at the grandparents instead. I was told it’d be just around 4 days until she’s approved for a nurse but it’s been about 9 now.
I am tired. I’m the only one who watches her and my cousin isn’t even working at the moment.
I don’t get food unless I physically ask for it because otherwise I’m forgotten about and I have no more clothes to change into and I don’t want to smell dirty. I barely get sleep if any bc Jane being autistic to this extent means she’s always antsy, loud, aggressive, and energetic.
My sister said I should be patient because she has needs but it’s easy to say that when you aren’t the one getting 2 hours of sleep a day then you are expected to still help do other things on top of a kid. The other day Jane got crap everywhere from throwing her diaper, including me and since I’m running out of meds I had a breakdown.
My cousin saw but all she did was clean up Jane and ask me to clean the sheets, didn’t even ask if I was ok. I also had to do her makeup with my own stuff for her to go clubbing the other day.
My sister gave Angel 40 dollars to get me food and I only got to use 20 because I’m pretty sure she used the other half to buy hair gel since she needed some for over 2 days beforehand yet I haven’t been paid once yet.
My breaking point was today when I had to sleep on the couch because my sister who was sleeping over didn’t want to play her white noise in headphones. I couldn’t sleep so I moved to the couch and almost immediately Angel’s brother and partner came downstairs talking loudly, putting on lights and even opening the front door then asking me how I was able to sleep on a couch so small and uncomfortable.
The baby also woke up so she was adding to the noise and when my cousin asked if I was awake her partner said SHE woke me up. I was about to start crying so I just went upstairs.
They left somewhere just now and my cousin said to use her bed so hopefully I can sleep but I was wondering if maybe I’m overreacting and being emotional?
Maybe I’m just irritable from me not having my meds or sleeping? I never really liked being anywhere other than my house and I did say I would watch Jane but WIBTJ If I asked her to pay me please and take me home?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’ve reached your physical and mental limit. What they’ve expected of you is horrendous. And not paying you for your time is shocking, particularly if they knew you wouldn’t be getting sleep, they should be paying extra for the overnight shifts.
They should have arranged a second or third person in to give you some breaks and let you get some sleep.” FriendlyMum
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Finish out this one and NEVER DO IT AGAIN. If she asks why have a list ready.
She is making NO EFFORT to make sure YOU are doing alright.
NANNIES ARE TREATED BETTER than your own sister is treating you.
Have you had a break AT ALL? She doesn’t FEED YOU? Does she do ANYTHING to show appreciation for you taking time out of your schedule to HELP HER? No.
Yes, YOU are helping HER.
Not the other way around and her treatment of you has been extremely TRASHY.
Time for you to either cut this short or never let her guilt you into babysitting again.” SuperHuckleberry125
22. AITJ For Trying To Give My Friend An Advice On Men?
“My friend Jess told me that she’d been seeing this guy Dan, and she was getting a bad feeling about it, he was being pushy, but when she tried to end things with him, he wouldn’t let her, he started sending her long texts from multiple numbers when she blocked them, he started showing up where she and her friends were at like the gym by ‘coincidence’, etc.
And she asked me for advice because she knew I’d been in a similar situation a few times.
One time, my boss had feelings for me that I didn’t reciprocate and wouldn’t leave me alone about it. I told HR and was reassigned. However he continued to contact me and cause problems at work.
I finally resolved it by going to his best male friend, whom I was on decent terms with, and saying ‘Hey, your buddy is making me really uncomfortable, he’s into me but it’s one-sided. He’s freaking me out, he won’t leave me alone, I’ve tried to ask him to stay away from me, can you have a talk with him?’
Apparently, he talked some sense into him and I never heard another peep.
The next time, I met a guy on the Internet that I was initially attracted to and we went out for a month. But then he got really manipulative. I wanted to distance myself from him but he already knew who all my friends were and clung to them as a way to get to me.
So I talked to all of my friends one-on-one, and some of my male friends offered to talk to him, man to man, and tell him he needed to stay away from me.
And as soon as a few of my guy friends talked with him to set him straight, he was gone in a snap.
Anyway, my advice to Jess about Dan was that guys like that just don’t respect women. So there’s no right thing for her to say or do that will get through to him, she’s already tried blocking his number and saying to stay away and he’s still showing up.
He just doesn’t respect women’s agency at all, and will always be putting his own desires over anything a woman might say or do. So what she needed to do was get some guys together… Maybe some of his friends who seemed sympathetic to her, maybe some of her friends, or family… To sit this guy down and do an intervention on her behalf.
If she didn’t have anyone, I was sure my partner and brother would be happy to help.
Because guys like that won’t respect her, but they will respect it if a few other men intervene.
She got really upset with me for saying that and said that it was really regressive and that my advice for being harassed was to find some men to set him straight.
I said honestly yeah it is, but Dan seems like a regressive dude, so that’s what will get through to him.
She got frustrated with me and said she didn’t want to embarrass herself by having her dad or her friends stage an intervention and I said I didn’t think it was embarrassing, it was for her safety.
She didn’t want to talk about it anymore and I’m worried I was insensitive.
AITJ for my advice?”
Another User Comments:
“‘She got really upset with me for saying that and said that it was really regressive that my advice for being harassed was to find some men to set him straight.’
Your friend is letting her beliefs about how the world OUGHT interfere with understanding how it actually IS. That’s not a luxury she can afford if she wants an effective solution right now.
Should the guy respect her more and leave her alone? Is he ‘regressive’?
Absolutely! But he’s not leaving her alone, and labeling his attitude regressive might be correct but it won’t make him go away.
You offered actionable advice that has a good chance of working for someone who needs the advice and asked for it.
That person is now ‘shooting the messenger’ for telling her an unfortunate truth she didn’t want to hear. NTJ” Gbdub87
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Sadly, men like this will only respect other men. It’s the same thing when they don’t stop if you tell them you have a lady partner instead of a man, source: experience.
It’s disgusting, but when it comes to safety, I’d rather play within the rules of a man’s world than be assaulted or worse. There is also the thing about many of us just not being imposing enough, the whole stigma of ‘saying no but wanting it’, that whole nonsense.
If men are raised in an environment where no does not mean no, they will not accept it either way.
Your advice, while hurtful and infuriating, is sound. It’s the easiest way at this point, she’ll have the freedom to choose what she wants to do from now on.
(Though talking to the gym administration will likely help too. Many do not want the reputation of being that gym where women can’t work out.)
That dude is scary though. And should it further escalate, having a guy setting him straight will no longer work and might even turn dangerous should he turn jealous.
This is important to regard here.” ILikeSealsALot
21. AITJ For Having Guests Over?
“I (F 20) live in a 4-bedroom apartment with 3 other girls. This weekend is a part of our spring break, so I wanted my aunt and her 3 kids (14, 10, and 9 months) to come and visit me. I was planning for them to set up in a hotel room but when I told my roommates about it, they all mentioned that they would be leaving that weekend.
So I told them, okay perfect I’ll just have them stay in our living room so they don’t need to get a hotel.
Thursday night before they came, one of my roommates cut her vacation short and came back to the apartment unbeknownst to me.
I was in the middle of cleaning and she asked ‘Are they staying here?’ And I said ‘Yeah I mentioned it two weeks ago’. She didn’t really say much just that she was gonna stay somewhere else and just left.
Granted, I should’ve asked to make sure she was okay with it before she left as she pays rent here, she should feel comfortable in her own room.
But they weren’t here yet so I feel like my roommate could’ve mentioned something so that they could’ve gotten a hotel room and she could’ve stayed in our apartment.
Anyway, she’s now mad at me over text message because I asked if she was all right and she said it was disrespectful of me to bring them here without asking.
But… the thing is I did ask them? I asked all three if they were okay with her visiting here, and when they all mentioned they were leaving, I said my family could just stay in the apartment then. I also mentioned them coming over countless times but I guess she thought they were just visiting.
I don’t know what to think because I know for a fact I asked them because I know I wouldn’t feel comfortable with three random people let alone an infant staying with us! But I also feel terrible because I basically kicked my roommate out when she felt uncomfortable with the whole thing.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, just a communication failure. It happens. You probably weren’t as clear as you believe but when I had a roommate, if one of us was returning from a trip earlier than expected, it was a given that we’d let each other know about the change in plans as soon as possible instead of just arriving in the middle of time they thought they had the place to themselves.
Have a roommate meeting when everyone is home and decide exactly how houseguests will be handled – how much notice, how long can such guests stay, how often each roommate can have houseguests, and so on… I strongly suggest a shared calendar, either digital or an actual, physical paper wall calendar where stuff like this is written & initialed by each of you.” rapt2right
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You didn’t kick your roommate out, she chose to leave. I can understand why she may be uncomfortable with the situation, but I don’t really think she has any right to be mad at you. You let your roommates know about the visit well in advance, and you asked them if your aunt and her kids could stay.
Sometimes plans change. When they do, we all need to learn to adapt, but when your roommate came back, she never gave you a chance to find a solution that worked for everyone; she just left.” CreativeAirQuotes
20. AITJ For Cutting Off My Crush?
“M and I (both 16 f) have been friends for five years now but we have kind of known each other since the age of 5/6 (going to the same school).
Once I got to know her I kind of crushed on her because she was everything that I wanted to be myself. Tall, slim, blonde, and very popular. Also, I loved her personality and the way we clicked.
She was known for having the kid version of ‘relationships’ with pretty much every guy in our old class and everyone kind of looked up to her.
Another friend introduced me to her and I felt so lucky that I got to be her friend because she was just so cool in my eyes.
The first summer we met each other everything was great. We went to the beach or to the city almost every day and it was the most fun I had ever experienced (I was a pretty reserved child).
But when school started I noticed that being in the company of her was just walking in her shadow. Nobody ever noticed that I was there and I became her quiet sidekick. Once she used my feelings for her (which I had confessed to) and slept with me just so that she could tell me that she was straight afterward, and later told guys about it and prove how spicy and fun she was.
In my company. It was literally the first time we hung out with a guy who I wanted to befriend and she said ‘(my name) and I slept together once’ completely out of context. It got really awkward and I stopped hanging out with her as much after that.
The weird thing is that when she doesn’t know anyone in a room she gets really awkward and shy so she begged me to come back. She said that she misses me but I don’t want to be a doormat.
Am I the jerk for not wanting to spend time with her anymore?
I feel like I could be. Maybe she’s too good for me and we were never meant to be friends. Maybe I should have left her when she told me that she’s ‘spicy straight’. Because I’m hurt by the way she uses me to get male attention all the time and I don’t want to be part of that.”
Another User Comments:
“My love, you are NTJ. I know you know your worth and I know you know what you need to do. She is queerbaiting and outing you which are very harmful and puts you in a dangerous/vulnerable situation.
You should only surround yourself with people who make you feel good for being you.
You are so young and have your whole life to find people who will lift you up. Never be afraid to leave the ones that are pulling you down.” joonpiters
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your friend took advantage to keep herself in the limelight. You are not a doormat nor should you let people treat you like that.
It sounds like your friendship has run its course and it’s time to move on. Your mental health is most important. She mistreated your friendship and all she did was use it for her gain. I think you should move on I’m sure you will find out there are a lot better people out there in the world who will respect you for who you are.” harleyevo
19. AITJ For Not Including My Stepmom In Pre-Wedding Preps?
“My parents divorced when my sisters and I were small. I’m the youngest of my sisters. Now we’re 28, 26 and 24. Our dad remarried almost right after the divorce. Then again, their divorce took more than two years to finalize. They lived about 2.5 hours from our mom’s and because of that, we went to our dad’s every other weekend and didn’t have 50/50 custody like other kids did.
He lived too far from our school for it to work.
My stepmother has always disliked how her relationship with me and my sisters went. Because we saw our dad so little our focus was on time with him when we were at their house, and less on time with her.
She was also very insecure about our mom. A few times in my childhood she drove to a school play or an event I had going on and would comment on me hugging my mom first, or going to my mom before her. It was always super uncomfortable.
My mom would demand that she stop and it would create more tension between them.
When I was 16 my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. My dad asked if I wanted to stay with him while my mom went through treatment and I said no. He told me he’d send over some more money, just in case we needed anything.
My stepmother told me I should come to them. That I needed them and shouldn’t be left with ‘a sick woman’. I told her that the sick woman was my mom and I was not leaving. She was enraged that my sisters also came home a lot and helped Mom.
She said my mom was selfish for letting us do that stuff.
Two years later my mom was cancer-free and she was diagnosed, and she was extra jealous that we didn’t do for her what we did for our mom.
I don’t think a lot of her.
Honestly, if I didn’t love my dad at all I wouldn’t want her around at all. My dad doesn’t even know everything. I told him some stuff and he talked to her about the stuff I brought up. I just never wanted to make it a huge deal. She wasn’t ever a big part of my life.
Now I’m getting married and I’ve done cake tasting, and dress shopping for me and for my sisters as my bridesmaids. I invited my mom to everything. I haven’t included my stepmother in any of it. She seemed to be okay with it until she saw a photo of me and Mom during the cake tasting.
Now she is saying I’m a jerk for not including her, my other mother, and that she’s tired of being crapped on. My dad got involved and wanted to know what was going on so I told him some more of what was going on.
He told me he would speak to his wife. She still reached out and told me I should include her. That I am being cruel.
I can see, despite how I feel about her, how hurt she is, so I’ve gotta ask, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Relationships can’t be forced. Because of your love for your dad, you have a social obligation to be civil to your stepmom, invite her to social occasions with general family, and recognize special holidays (e.g. wish her a happy birthday or merry Christmas).
That’s it. You are not obliged to hug her first, or at all for that matter. Nor like her. Nor treat her like a mother. And definitely not obligated to invite her to events reserved for your wedding party (mother of the bride, bridesmaids, etc).
If she doesn’t get that, it’s on her, not you. NTJ.
But I would spell it out to your dad. ‘Dad, I love you, I’m glad Stepmom makes you happy. But I have a mother and I’m not in the market for a new one.
Stepmom needs to accept that.’ Because just wait til you have children and Stepmom realizes she is not First Most Honored Grandma. She will flip her lid. And you don’t need crap in your life.” Graycat17
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she wanted to be invited, she had years of being a bonus mom to prove how much she cares for you.
Her pride and vanity want her to be included so people wouldn’t question how she is as a stepmom.
I know that you probably would have invited her if she was close but she isn’t. When your mom had cancer, she should have been supportive and dropped off cooked food for your mom or called to check in on you and your sister while you took care of her saying how lucky your mom is to have your help, offered to help, anything.
Instead, it’s all about her and how she’s being slighted. The fact your dad mediates proves even more that she never once built a close enough relationship for you two to have a heart-to-heart. You’re inviting her to the wedding as your father’s spouse and that’s kindness enough!” archetyping101
18. AITJ For Not Saying Goodbye To My Mom's Husband When I Moved Out?
“I (F 23) was 19 when I moved out of my mom’s (F 52) husband’s (M 53) house. Let’s call him R. I have known R since I was 8 years old.
He and I never really had a relationship. As I got older I realized I wasn’t getting that with R. He and I hardly talked the entire time I lived there. And he was a pain to live with. His house IS his baby. He has no kids so he worked to fix up his house.
There was always an argument between him and my mom about very minor things. Those arguments would lead to him saying ‘This is my house! I can do whatever I want!’ Which would then lead to my mom and I leaving for like 1 week or so but then going right back because we had nowhere else.
After I graduated R and I got into a huge fight. He and I never got into fights before because I tried my best to be respectful in his house. We got into a fight this time because he was mad I didn’t tell him I was leaving for work.
The story goes, I was getting ready to leave for work, and I was looking for R. I looked for him all around the house and could not find him. At this point, I was wasting time and was going to be late. On my way out I called my mom (she was at work too) and told HER I could not find him and I had to go.
She said okay.
When I got back from work, I walked in the door he said ‘So do you want to live here or not?’ I was taken aback. I said what? He repeated himself and said if I wanted to live in his house I had to follow his rules and if not, then I needed to go.
I took that as he’s kicking me out. So I immediately called my mom balling saying R was kicking me out.
While I was crying on the phone R was following me yelling at me to give him the keys to the house. And basically at the end AGAIN, my mom and I left for a couple weeks.
We all talked. He said very stupid stuff and we went back. But for me, things were never the same. I was hurt. This man whom I have known basically all my life, could easily kick me out like I was no one to him.
The day I moved out I never said bye to him. I left a letter in my old room on my desk to my mom saying thank you for all she had done for me. R had seen that letter and was upset. He said he was disrespected because I never said bye or said thank you to him for putting a roof over my head, for picking me up from school (only sometimes), or ‘providing food’ and so on and so on.
To this day if I see him at like family gatherings he doesn’t talk to me. I always, out of respect, say hi. One time I went for like a side hug, and he completely ignored me and moved so I wouldn’t hug him. And my mom always brings up that he and I need to talk and so I can say thank you and apologize.
I understand as an adult you may feel disrespected for what I did and I get it. But because he acts so entitled and is just an annoying person, I can’t bring myself to say sorry or thank you when I don’t even mean it.
Just so his ego feels better? So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, how awful for you and your mom. Leaving over these ‘fights’ for days at a time just shows how immature HE is. Seriously, who lets this happen to people you care about? He’s heartless, and while he might want the recognition for ‘providing’ a roof over your head, he did not in any way give you a loving HOME.
I would give him the same effort he gives you at family gatherings – zero. He should be the one apologizing! Who was the adult here? Stay strong and good luck!” DLCMotroni
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you’d better NEVER apologize. From what I can extrapolate from your story, one of his rules was you always had to tell him/them when you were leaving?
If you called your mother, that should have been as good as telling him yourself. You still have a relationship with your mother but I wonder why. Your mother did not protect you from this man’s controlling, abusive behavior. She KNEW you called her and apparently, it did no good.
He was out of line.
A kid not telling you they’re going to WORK one time doesn’t deserve the level of vitriol he poured on you that day. You weren’t being disrespectful in the first place. Where I come from, you also have to give respect in order to get it.
He doesn’t respect you or your mother. You’re better off having no contact with him. You didn’t do anything wrong and your mother is wrong to try to get you to apologize for the benefit of his ego.” moew4974
17. AITJ For Walking Out On My In-Laws After Being Told To Wash The Dishes?
“I (28 f) have been married to my husband (30 m) for 6 years.
We don’t have any children.
This weekend we were visiting his family. He is the oldest among his siblings and there are 9 of them (6 brothers and 3 sisters in total), the youngest being 16. Everyone lives with their partners or roommates in either rented or owned accommodation except the youngest and 2 brothers (23 and 26).
Every other weekend, they all come around my MIL’s house together with their partners, so 16 people this weekend including my FIL and MIL.
Unfortunately on Sunday my MIL wasn’t feeling well so she stayed in her bedroom to rest. She normally does all the cooking in the house.
When we visit her we make sure we also do shopping and buy groceries and snacks for the family. I also make sure I get separate food for myself as I have a lot of allergies and intolerances and dietary requirements. Most of the time it’s not an issue as I would just put my food in the oven when the cooking is almost done or eat later.
Sunday morning came and I was about to make myself some breakfast when all my in-laws and their partners started moaning that they were hungry including my husband (he can cook and does it well). I reminded them that they knew where the fridge and oven were, but apparently, they were too difficult to find.
They ended up begging me to cook something for them and I had no choice but to agree, expecting them to help me since you know they are adults.
It took me 3 hours to prepare food for them and they were moaning about having food at different times or the food getting cold (it was simple eggs with bacon and some toast).
After I finished and started making food for myself all I wanted was to eat as I was super hungry and just have a nap somewhere as I was really tired from all that cooking. Halfway through my meal one of my SILs approached me and asked why am I making more food and not washing the dishes.
I was taken aback and asked if she seriously wanted me to wash the massive pile of dishes and pans after all this cooking when there were at least 15 other adults in the house who were perfectly capable of doing it. My SIL informed me that in their house whoever does the cooking also must do the dishes.
I got annoyed as I had just started eating my food and was super tired. I told her and my other in-laws that it’s no wonder their mum is not feeling well after doing all the work around the house and getting no help from her adult children.
I ended up putting my breakfast in a takeaway box, packing my bags, and leaving the house to drive home as I was still expected to do the dishes.
My husband stayed behind and hasn’t returned. He and his siblings are calling me a jerk for driving away and leaving the dishes undone.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Next time don’t do the cooking either. These are grown adults. They actually tricked you into doing the cooking so that they could fool you into doing the washing up too and failed. Your husband is also a jerk for not standing up for you and going along with their little plan.
Next time cook your own food and no one else’s. That way you will be responsible for your own dishes and no one else’s.” Various-Bridge-325
Another User Comments:
“Why were you the one to be pressured to cook? There were 15 adults, your husband or one of the others could have cooked. Not sure where their rule came from but usually the cook doesn’t do the dishes.
If this is their rule I would never cook for them again and I probably wouldn’t spend time at the in-laws. They are obviously the jerks and maybe you could have had a conversation with your husband and had him back you to either do the dishes or encourage help from the others instead of walking out however if you did and he backed his family then I would say NTJ (I would have left as well).
And I would also why are you still married to this man?” PuzzleheadedTap4484
16. AITJ For Making My Partner Choose Between Coming To Her Sister's Wedding And Me?
“I (41 f) have been with my partner (32 f) for 6.5 years. All the while I knew that her family wasn’t keen on the idea of her being with a woman. Mostly her mom, she was told it needed to be kept a secret from her family in Greece.
I obliged.
As years have passed situations arise that I was always left out of. My partner says she’s just selfish with her family’s time and that’s her time when she is alone.
Her sister got engaged last year and she told me that I would be able to go to the wedding with her.
I didn’t believe it because I found it hard to believe that I would be welcome in such a situation. As time grew near I actually got excited.
Then two weeks before the wedding her grandmother shows up to surprise everyone and go to the wedding.
On the Monday before the wedding, her sister called my partner and said that she was putting her grandmother with her and she could no longer bring a plus one. Meaning I was out. I knew it. I was shocked but I knew it. I was hurt and I cried and my partner said she would try to fix it.
I was angry because I felt like I was completely expendable and could just be tossed aside with no issue. I told my partner if she went to the wedding without me I was done. It wasn’t fair that she continues to let her family treat me like crap and she begged me not to make this decision.
The Friday that she had to leave she told me she was never not going to go even when I begged her to stay. Her family uses her whenever they need her and takes advantage of her yet for some reason she feels this need to always be there for them.
She chose them. What do I do? I was told by my therapist and a good friend that I had made a harsh decision and that I needed to talk to her. That her position is difficult too. I have so much anger and all I wanna do is cry.
Aside from her family, our relationship is great. Am I wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
I think you need to end this relationship. I say ‘no jerks here’ because it sounds like your partner has always been honest that she’s always going to prioritize living in the closet with her family over being with you.
Not going to lie, as a lesbian that is not a choice I would ever have made, but for people who choose it, I think they’re hurting their own selves so badly I’m not going to call them jerks.
So, please; just accept not that it is over, but that it never was.
Your ex always valued her closet over you. That’s not going to change for her. However much you love her, however much she loves you, this is never going to be a real relationship because your partner doesn’t want it to be one. So please, treat yourself well, talk to your therapist, walk away, and spend as much time as you need recovering.
All the best.” Enough-Process9773
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have a legit reason to be frustrated about this. After 6 and a half years?
I can’t imagine it’s been hard – as an LGBT couple having to try and keep family happy at the expense of the happiness with your partner.
I can understand the strain that that has put on both of you.
I really don’t blame you at all for drawing a line down in the sand now. It’s been almost 7 years and neither of you should feel like you have to keep your love for each other a secret.
Shameful to families who do this to their loved ones, no one should have to hide it.
Stick to your guns. Don’t let this get dragged out longer.” Black-Willow
15. AITJ For Asking My Roommates To Stop Treating My Dog Like Theirs?
“I (22 F) live with a couple (23 F and 24 M). I originally lived with just the woman because we were friends.
I later agreed to have her partner move in. Her partner has lived here for 6 months now, while she’s lived with me for about 2 years. Things have been great up until now.
I have a 4-year-old dog. I had him prior to moving in with my roommates.
I put a lot of work into training him and I have him on a pretty solid routine. We have a set walk schedule, feeding time, etc. I love my dog, he’s my best friend. I spoil him with toys and treats, we go for several walks a day, and he sleeps with me at nighttime.
I also work from home so he is pretty much always with me.
Prior to her partner moving in, my roommate didn’t show any interest in my dog. She’d pet him here or there but that was about it. I have never asked her to look after him, take him out, etc. If I had to go out of town, I had family watch him.
After her partner moved in, they both started paying more and more attention to my dog. They’d ask to take him on walks, practice his tricks with him, and cuddle with him on the couch. I was okay with it, my dog seemed happy to get the attention and it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary at that point.
But then it escalated even more. They started to feed him off schedule, walked him without asking me, and started buying him excessive amounts of toys and treats. At this point I told them to chill out, I didn’t want them buying him stuff or messing with his schedule.
They argued with me that it made my dog happy and that I was being uptight. I reiterated that I was NOT comfortable with them messing with his schedule or buying things for him.
They also started to post him on social media and to me, it seemed like they were passing him off as their dog.
It rubbed me the wrong way so I told them to tone it down, but they continued to post him constantly and include him in photos. We argued a lot about it so I let it go to keep the peace.
The final straw was when I came home from a late-night run to the store and heard my dog barking at the door of THEIR ROOM.
They had taken my dog FROM MY ROOM into their room to sleep with them!
I blew up on them and told them to stop treating my dog like theirs, he’s MY DOG, and they were massively overstepping. They said I was being a jealous jerk and that they were doing nice things for the dog so I shouldn’t be angry.
I said I didn’t care and to stop interacting with my dog outside of petting him or giving him a treat here or there. No more walks, feeding, social media posts, and definitely no taking him into their room!
Now they have said I’m a huge jerk and some of our mutual friends agree.
So I need perspective. AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Some of that stuff seems fine to me, like the gifts, walks, and pictures. Sure it may be annoying, but not the end of the world.
What is absolutely NOT OKAY is messing with the food schedule and keeping it in their room.
The feeding schedule and treats can easily get out of hand and end up with an unhealthy animal. They may think it’s cute and want to give it treats, but animals don’t really stop themselves from overeating. They could make the dog overweight.
As for keeping it in their room, that’s just a massive overstepping of boundaries. At that point, they’re taking the dog out of the common space and into their own private room, basically a power move to say the dog is theirs. And not giving it the choice to leave if it wants, just rude.
You are not a jerk at all here.” You_Stole_My_Hot_Dog
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First of all, it is not the house dog. It is YOUR dog. They need to respect that. Outside of petting or light playing in the house, they need to ask permission or the very least check with you.
(feeding, walks, sleepovers). And since they never say ‘roommate dog’ in their posts then yes, they are trying to pass it off as theirs. Your dog is not there just for their entertainment when convenient or bored. And by them shutting the door with the dog in there tells u that the dog probably wanted to leave at some point.
Nip this in the bud now as changes in routines/feeding are harder to undo over time.” Jedi-0420
14. AITJ For Snapping At My Mom For Being A Bad Mother?
“I (15 m) have 3 siblings ages 11, 7, and 5. For some background, my parents are divorced but still live together. So it’s as you can imagine weird and difficult to have both of them here at the same time. My mom is a drinking addict and that leaves us home alone with my dad at work, most of the time working overtime.
So that left me to take care of my siblings and her.
I had always missed lots of school cause of her not taking us which resulted in me failing two classes and needing summer school. She had done this so often that I had over 60 absent days in only my freshman year.
So fast forward to today as I was cleaning the kitchen and cooking my siblings some food my mom came stomping down yelling at me for not answering my phone and that she needed me to make her food (mind you I had just gotten the kitchen clean and was already frustrated and tired, because I have weekend homework).
I said ‘Mom I made you food an hour ago and you practically threw the whole thing away. So just can you make it yourself?’ She got upset and yelled ‘How dare you! I am your mother. You’re supposed to act mature and!-‘ I tuned her out and ignored her, finishing wiping down the table then out of nowhere she came closer and grabbed my shoulder, turned me around, and yelled ‘It is your responsibility to help out and do whatever I ask and whenever I ask it!’ Then she went on and on about how the house is trash and how I never help out.
I saw red and I snapped and I yelled ‘NO I’M THE ONE ALWAYS DOING EVERYTHING WHEN YOU’RE LOCKED IN YOUR ROOM, WHEN YOU’RE IGNORING YOUR KIDS AND NEGLECTING US! I HELP WITH THEIR HOMEWORK, I MAKE THEM FOOD, I CLEAN THE MESS! AND YOU DO NOTHING BUT SIT ON YOUR BUTT ALL DAY!
STEP UP!’ I stomped up the stairs and slammed my room door… so AITJ? (PS I haven’t been talked to since but I will update when I can.)”
Another User Comments:
“This is bordering on child neglect. You need to talk to your father and he needs to get her out of the home.
YOU aren’t the parent and it shouldn’t be your job to raise your siblings. Your father would SAVE money and work less with HER out of the house and PAYING for some part-time help. I’m sorry for how your life is but this is up to your father to set things right!
The way things are right now, you’re sacrificing your future. You can’t keep missing school. This is entirely on your father. He’s hiding from your abusive mother by staying at work and you’re getting all the mistreatment instead of him. You can’t keep living like this.
If something bad were to happen while he was away and your mother, his ex-wife was found wasted, the state would have to step in. If your father won’t do anything, maybe they should. Good luck.” FlexibleMorality1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you are stepping up.
You need to talk to your father about this because you should not be missing school and things to take care of a family at 15. If talking to your father does not work you should talk to someone in your school.
This comes with no venom.
I’m sure your father is working hard and that both of them are going through a lot, but they are failing you and failing as parents. I’m sorry they are going through this.” BestAtempt
13. AITJ For Hiring A Housekeeper Behind My Wife's Back?
“My wife (32 f) and I (29 m) recently relocated onto the property my uncle left us as a gift. The property is rough, but we’re both handy. She is a structural engineer working in commercial code compliance, and I make stupid crap on the internet. Because we’re both contractors, sometimes she has a good month and brings in the dough, and sometimes my stupid crap goes bonkers and I’m covering things.
Overall, this works for us. We’re not hurting, but far from being comfortable spending money on things we can easily do ourselves.
We’re not the tidiest of people, we both work from home, and things start piling up. Sometimes one of us has 30 minutes to quickly grab a workout or a bite to eat or a shower before getting back on endless conference calls – so without thinking a towel will be left on the kitchen counter, or the toothpaste was left out and the mirror is dirty.
Normal living, causing normal dirt. We’d spend whatever time we both had free doing things around the house which a ton of ended up being cleaning. We don’t fight over the 3 hours on Saturday it took to get the kitchen back in order, but it certainly isn’t the highlight of my weekend – just having time to be together is great.
I just wish that time could be better spent on you things like getting a door hung so I can take a dump without the dogs saying hi.
It’s been a good January, very good – we both killed it in 2021, and 2022 is rewarding us.
So I brought up the subject of hiring some help to just get the things we don’t wanna do so we can do other things we love. Well, this turned into a ‘we don’t have the money for that, we can’t be wasting our money’ argument, which devolved into a ‘my money’ vs ‘your money’, and it got worse from there.
So we spent some time cooling off, I got frustrated at my failure of being an adult and not cleaning up after myself.
In my infinite wisdom – found a housekeeper. Holy cow, the house looks so good. Well, the wife called and said she finished up her inspections and was heading home soon – that we’d get take out when she got back and have a nice meal. I thought I might be in the clear because the sight of a clean house might make it all ok… Yeah, I got proud and felt like I had been the best husband ever, sooooo I figured I’d be even slicker and have dinner ready.
I’d surprise her with a nice clean house, and a nice meal, apologize for being a jerk, and say my wins are hers, and hers are mine – let’s just keep the cleaners and use some of our spoils to make life easier.
Yeaaaaaaa, she got home and noticed the trash at the curb the night BEFORE trash day.
She knew instantly – ‘You hired someone, didn’t you?’ This spurred another epic fight, and she hit me with honestly I feel a pro-level move. ‘You spent all that money and the kitchen is still dirty!’
So here I am sitting in my tool barn knowing I terribly messed up but honestly feeling 0 guilt because holy cow I don’t have to spend 3 hours cleaning the house tomorrow.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You knowingly went behind your wife’s back, spent money she didn’t want to have spent, invited a stranger into your home without her knowledge and permission, and then somehow thought the ends justified the means. All major violations of trust. The fact you know you messed up, but feel 0 guilt, just makes everything 1000x worse.” CiaranAnnrach
Another User Comments:
“Kinda torn between ‘everyone sucks here’ and YTJ, kinda depends on the financial specifics of where you are. But you’re both acting like children instead of having a healthy conversation about your budget and living space like adults. If you two can’t discuss adding an additional expense to your budget without it devolving into a stupid ‘yours vs mine’ fight you’ve got much bigger issues than just the housekeeper.
You are definitely a jerk for thinking that hiring the housekeeper behind her back would help anything. Overall she should be willing to compromise on hiring help if you truly can afford it, but just doing it is a jerk move.
Also, you’re a huge child for being this unwilling to clean up your own messes.” User
12. AITJ For Not Wanting To Wait For My Brother To Get Out Of Jail Before I Get Married?
“I (25 F) am the oldest and only female of 3 siblings. My entire life, I’ve been the responsible, type A, ‘problem solver’ oldest child, leading both my parents to lean on me to vent and help resolve all problems, including their marriage. The last 2-3 years have been extremely tough with unexpectedly losing my grandmother, my father being diagnosed with cancer (he recovered and is healthy), and then subsequently him having to medically retire early due to post-cancer complications.
My middle brother (24 M… 20 at the time of the crime) was arrested (later convicted) of arson the day before I got engaged and is currently 1 year into a 5-year (must serve 80%) sentence. This last year has been spent hiding and lying to everyone in my small hometown (I no longer live there) about his arrest because my parents are ashamed. I’m also ashamed, but my brother’s poor decisions are not my fault.
The argument: My fiancé (24 M) and I’ve decided we’re tired of putting our life on hold and want to go ahead and get married without my brother, especially since we’ve already put off a wedding a year. We’re both well into our careers and really want to start a family, but both want to be married before we start having kids.
My mother is upset and says the idea of having to explain where my brother is to everyone at the wedding makes her ‘sick and anxious.’ My father also is upset, but more about my brother ‘messing’ everything up. I, however, feel like we could easily play it off as if he’s sick or working if they truly want to keep it a secret.
Her compromise is we just elope. While I’m perfectly happy with a small wedding, I’m not compromising on having a bridal party or having our core support group (under 75 people including bridal party/family) there at our wedding.
For us, we truly just want to celebrate with all those who have brought us together and supported us, eloping honestly defeats that and we’d just go to the courthouse.
For the record, my fiancé and I plan to pay for the wedding entirely.
Is it ridiculous of me to not want to put my life on hold for 5 years just to have him in my wedding and be around my kids? While I love my brother and I’d love for him to be there, I don’t feel I should have to pause my life.
The last several years have been truly a struggle and I feel like we deserve to have a true wedding and have a little happy moment. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Get married as soon as possible, if you wait for 4-5 years, people will still know that your brother went to jail or just came out of jail.
You do what makes you happy.
You don’t have to pause your life for your brother. If he loves you, he will understand. But I guess, maybe talking to your brother about this would not hurt.
DO NOT play it off as if he’s sick or working if they truly want to keep it a secret.
If you love your brother you would not do anything to make him feel like you’re ashamed of him. Tell the truth, I think he would appreciate it in the future if he decides to atone for his sins.” NightQueen6969
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’m baffled your parents dared to ask that from you because they don’t want to be ashamed about telling you why your brother is not there.
It’s not for you, or your relationship with your brother, It’s for them in all of their selfishness because of how it will reflect on their potential ‘education choices’. Even so, they relied on you so much, you did so many things that were their responsibilities, that they felt warranted to ask things like that.
Even if you chose to wait (which I would personally not do) there’s a big possibility the truth about your brothers’ situation would come out. And what?
Don’t let your life be dictated by somebody’s poor choices. You could love your brother and wish for him to be there, but weddings can happen without siblings or members of the family.” Amahagan3
11. AITJ For Occupying Three Train Seats With My Bicycle?
“So the other day I took the train to London to compete in a bike race. Unfortunately, I’m a student so I don’t own a car, but it is worth noting I booked a bike space on the train (which is free).
On the way back, I made sure to get there earlier so I would have plenty of time to put my bike in the designated space.
I have taken different trains in the past and these have all had separate spaces at the end of some carriages to store your bike. However, this train did not offer this and there was no separate space to put a bike. This train company’s solution was for you to put your bike in the disabled area, which also holds 3 folding chairs in case of overflow in the carriage.
So I was instructed to put my bike there. As the train neared the departure time, more and more people came aboard until there were no seats left. I think 6 people were standing, although I did see at least a few single seats where people had put their bags.
I felt guilty but I felt there wasn’t a lot I could do, so I just kept quiet and listened to music/scrolled through Reddit.
At this point, I was standing, but there was a seat directly next to my bike that no one had taken (despite them standing), so I decided to sit down.
Soon after I could hear the people standing muttering to themselves about how selfish I was. Then they asked me what stop I was getting off at so I told them I was going to be another 20 mins. I apologized and said there wasn’t a lot I could do and that I did everything I could do by booking a bike space and remaining standing until I realized no one wanted that seat.
They continued to have a go at me and while I understand their point of view, I can’t see how it’s my fault, they got there late (one of them ran through the doors as it closed), and if anyone is to blame it’s the train company for not offering adequate facilities.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Can’t help there wasn’t space. I think you were conscientious in booking space ahead but when the train people tell you to put your bike in the handicap spot, you’re good morally. You also got up and stood for other people who wanted to sit.
Not your fault a seat was left empty. If no one was going to use it, might as well grab it. I am sure that if an elderly person or someone who looked uncomfortable needed it, you would have offered it up but it doesn’t sound like that situation occurred. So, let it go.
You will, hopefully, never see these people again.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, since you did everything possible to mitigate the situation. You booked a bike space, arrived early to seek a designated area for bikes, and followed staff instructions when there wasn’t one. Sometimes you can do everything right and people will still be upset.
Don’t let it get to you.” Ftm1985
10. AITJ For Wanting To Set Some Boundaries With My Mother-In-Law And My Baby?
“My husband (M 29) and I (28) are having our first baby, baby C (5 months), and currently living overseas. My husband only has one brother and he has also been living in the same country as us. Their parents usually can come once or twice a year to visit (before 2020).
I’ve been moving and living overseas with my husband for almost 3 years now.
Last year, I got pregnant with our first baby and also the first grandkid for my in-laws. However, due to the global crisis, they could not come to visit us until last December when the baby was already 4 months old.
I know they were really eager to come since I was pregnant but due to the global crisis, they could not come because the border was closed. So when the border was open, both my parents and my in-laws were coming together.
They were staying for 3 months at our house while my parents only could stay for a month, so technically my parents had very limited time to spend with their grandkid.
However, every time my mom held the baby, my MIL would come right away and try to take the baby from my mom. She only would give the baby back to my mom when the baby was crying or pooping. Yes, my MIL could not take care of the baby at all.
She even didn’t know how to change the diaper. So this was really upsetting for me because she was acting as if my mom was a nanny.
After my mom went back home my MIL was still trying to take the baby away every time she could.
Whenever I went down to the living room with the baby, she would come to me and try to take or hold the baby away. I know she wanted to spend time as much as she could with the baby, but I needed to hold and do some bonding with my baby also especially at that age (4 to 6 months).
I’ve tried to talk with her and give her some understanding, however, she always acts like nothing happened and keeps taking away my baby from me. The only things I can do with my baby are feeding (if I’m breastfeeding) and sleeping time. She also didn’t really care when the baby was crying and looking for me.
She would try to move away further from me and try to distract my baby so my baby would stop crying and forget about me. I feel so bad whenever I hear my baby crying for me.
Will I be a jerk if I move away or try to go away from my MIL every time I hold my baby?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your husband should speak to your MIL about her behavior. I suggest your husband do it because MIL and DIL dynamics can be difficult and it’s his mother. She was disrespectful to your mother and she’s disregarding everything you say.
If you are holding your child and she comes towards you to take the baby, you can feel free to turn away and say ‘Not right now, thank you!’ Establish some boundaries.
Also – 3 months is too long for a visit.” MerryE
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
What your MIL is trying to do is SEVER the BOND between the mother (and by extension mother’s family) and the infant. She is engaging in parental alienation by trying to keep your baby from you and prevent you from meeting your baby’s needs long enough that the baby will start to see her as the main mom and she can get all the feel-goods from that.
She feels threatened by the baby being bonded to you and your mother. That bond knocks her down several pegs on the hierarchy of importance. She wants to pretend to be the mother. She wants the baby bonded to her and her alone. And she wants you out of the picture (walking away every time the baby wants you) so she can meet her goal of being the baby’s favorite and playing pretend mom for her own ego.
This is common with MILs with mental problems. They think the whole world revolves around them and only their feelings matter. They feel personally attacked when they are not the center of attention and not the favorite. She can’t stand that your baby loves you more than her.
You need to put your foot down. Or this will get worse. Her behavior is out of line. She’s not the most important to baby and someone needs to make that clear to her. And she needs to be punished (send her home) when she steps out of line.” User
9. AITJ For Wanting My Parents To Acknowledge Everything I'm Doing For Them?
“I (24 F) live with my parents and my siblings (18 M and 10 M), I am currently saving as I am expecting to purchase a house quite soon and I’m doing my best to save all I can.
Also, I am usually the one who does all the chores in my house as my parents work all the time, my mom (47 F) is focused on her career as she is an entrepreneur and is almost never home.
My dad (55 M) is a health worker and also, is rarely home. I do all chores, I do the grocery shopping and I take care of my younger sibling pretty much by helping him with homework and all he needs.
It’s not like I pay rent but I give my parents a little sum every month along with the grocery shopping I make weekly.
Also, I am working from home and it helps me save more money as I save the lunches and commuting money. I have been working in this company for over a year and I have saved a little amount of money that would help me in case of an emergency.
In the beginning, my parents were focused on me saving as much as I could since I would need the money in the future, but like a month from now they are constantly telling me to purchase more and more things for the house, the thing that made me mad the most is that two weeks ago I was outside my room at my lunch hour and I casually told my dad that we were out of cereal and if he could purchase a bit more.
He told me that I should purchase cereal along with everything else, I was quite mad because it was just the cereal, I have purchased already everything else along with the cleaning supplies for the week. I told him that and he told me that he was going to charge me with everything that I had spent since I was a baby just to compare and I asked him why he had kids if he was going to charge them for existing and also, I was the one doing everything and the one that raised my brothers as well and I was expecting respect from them.
He told me that he has been doing the house shopping for years without blinking an eye and then I told him that was his responsibility as he decided to have 3 kids and I have none, that I was just helping. My mom told me to stop charging them for help as I ONLY do chores and some grocery shopping, I told her just the same, that is not my responsibility, and that they should acknowledge my efforts and stop charging me just for existing.
He got quite upset and told my mom that I charged him with the groceries and now he didn’t want any money from me. Since then, they have not been talking to me and I have been checking out apartments and rooms to move as I am sick and tired of the situation.
So tell me, AITJ for having told my parents to respect me and acknowledge what I do for this family?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Move out.
It may seem nice on the service that they are not charging you rent, but they are using it as an excuse to make you do/buy whatever they want – whenever they want.
For any young adults in this situation, sit your parents down and come up with an agreement for your contributions. Whether it is cash, chores, or a combination of both – it needs to be agreed upon in advance and cannot be changed on a whim (by either side).
Just like if you rent an apartment your landlord cannot randomly charge extra because he wants to go on vacation or randomly tell you that you have to mow the lawn because he doesn’t feel like doing it.” Forward_Squirrel8879
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What makes me seriously angry is him trying to balance things by saying he paid for your stuff growing up.
He chose to have children. Parents owe basic upkeep (and much more) to their children. Children don’t owe them anything for something that basic. Generally, it sounds like it’s time for you to get out of there. Maybe that will clear things up, but it will definitely give you an opportunity to just be yourself.
Your parents are responsible for their household and your siblings.” unconscious_tomato
8. AITJ For Asking My Husband To Organize His Work Schedule For Our Family?
“My (32 F) husband (41 M) works in a business that doesn’t have a set schedule for him – he works with clients and is often running out at the last second with no notice to meet them at all times of day/evening.
This has caused many issues with our marriage as I am currently about 7 months pregnant with our second child, we also have a 2-year-old toddler at home, and I can make zero plans for any day of the week because I never know if he will be home or not to take care of our toddler.
We have had an agreement for a while that on Saturdays I can sleep in and on Sundays him – and the other is responsible for our 2-year-old until about 12, however many Saturdays result in him having to leave (Just this last Saturday in the morning he was asked to attend a meeting at the last second (this was not even work-related) and was gone until well after 12) This is the only day of the week I could potentially make plans, but still cannot, as I don’t know if he will be around.
I have asked many times for him to try and be home so we can have dinner as a family, but typically our toddler eats alone or just with me as he is not around – I have also asked him to give me an evening a week or every two weeks so I can make plans to do something, anything, such as a hair appointment, or get my nails painted etc, but he says it isn’t possible since he doesn’t have a schedule.
(If anyone is wondering we don’t have any family nearby, and due to the global crisis, I haven’t been comfortable with a babysitting service coming into my home.)
Anyway, we just had a large argument about this again – and he has gone to the extreme by saying what I am asking for is for him to not work at all so he will just quit his job to be home all of the time, but that isn’t what I want!
All I want is to be able to have a bit of a routine/schedule/plan as often as possible.
So AITJ for expecting that of him given the nature of his job?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your husband has a job with a very erratic and unpredictable schedule, which I assume he has no control over.
You, however, need him to have a more set schedule for you and your children. Your needs are valid and they are not being met due to the nature of his job.
Have you tried talking to him about getting a different job or a more set schedule?
Regardless, there needs to be a change on his end because otherwise, your marriage and family dynamic will continue to deteriorate.” Gullible-Phone4040
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He can be more organized with his business. He can set boundaries by telling clients ‘I’m not available after 6 pm on weekdays or on weekends’.
It’s not reasonable for a married man with children to work like this when he OWNS his own business and can set his own hours.
What he’s doing isn’t sustainable. Eventually, you’ll both be burned out and it will be the demise of your marriage.
Marriage and children require time and energy. He should logically be aware of that.” User
7. AITJ For Ignoring My Sister After She Uninvited Me From Her Wedding?
“My sister moved out a few years ago, so we are not as close anymore.
I have tried calling and texting her during this time. I eventually gave up because she rarely answered. She also never goes out without her partner. So she was never up for hanging out by ourselves.
I am not a fan of said guy. I usually have no issues with age differences, but there is an age gap of 10 years.
He also says racist and derogatory things about the women of his own culture. So, in return, we don’t get along.
Fast forward a year later they are getting married. I don’t approve. But it’s not my relationship, so I couldn’t care less. She’s an adult and can make her own decisions.
But, I’m also not going to force myself to like someone that I don’t. But, I’ll remain civil.
My sister called me a week before asking how I was feeling about her getting married. This question is odd, considering we don’t speak often. I told her she was an adult and could make her own decisions.
I told her I didn’t like her partner and why because she kept pressing. Then I admitted that one of the reasons for attending was to make our mom happy. But, also still being there for her. At this point, I was getting angry at her for questioning me so much.
She never sought my input for anything before. So, why now? I told her we were not very close anymore, and why she wanted my opinion. I work a lot so my time is valuable to me. I felt like she wasted my time and hers by starting an argument.
She wanted me to be best friends with her partner at the wedding. I said I’ll be civil and that’s it. But it wasn’t good enough for her. So, I hung up. Afterward, she texted me.
Sister: ‘I am disappointed with how our conversation ended. Based on our conversation, you’ve shown me that you can’t be supportive of me and even be civil towards (partner).
I would like you not to come. I hope in the future when we have our wedding, things will be different and you will be able to be supportive and celebrate with me. I also hope in time you will be able to see that (partner) is not racist and treats me very well.
I can safely say that (partner) would rather hurt himself than ever hurt me. This was not an easy decision for me.’
She married at the courthouse but is planning to have a wedding.
So, I haven’t spoken to her much after this, it’s been 4 months.
Whenever I see her I leave. I never expect my sisters to choose their partners over me. But, do not try to force me to do anything. I think that’s fair. I’ll keep to myself.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You have an obligation to not disrupt your sister’s wedding.
An obligation you were clearly going to respect and live up to if you weren’t disinvited.
You do not have an obligation to be forced to have a relationship with your sister’s partner/husband.
If you feel more comfortable remaining no contact with your sister, that is what you should do.” Infamous-Wasabi-9007
Another User Comments:
“Has this guy managed to cut her off from other possible avenues of support or is the only conflict with you? The refusal to go out without him along with the other things you describe makes me wonder if she is in an abusive relationship.
You have no obligation to be anything but civil to the man. But you should probably keep a line of communication open and keep telling her you love, and support her, and are there if she needs you. NTJ” I_Suggest_Therapy
6. AITJ For Going Off At The Kids Who Almost Burned Our Garden?
“We have a small house but a huge garden.
One part is green, full of trees and flowers, and the place where we like to sit and relax, the other part is basically just grass and shrubs. This part mostly belongs 4o our neighbor, who lives in the same house as we do. She’s an elderly lady and doesn’t care if her part of the garden isn’t taken care of.
We don’t care either, to be honest. Never bothered us. The field is very dry due to almost no rain for a month so it is VERY flammable… and that’s obvious.
So this just happened like an hour ago. My mom and I recently had a lot of stress due to my great-grandfather dying and the family jumping at his belongings like wild animals.
My mom and her uncle had a fight today so she cried a lot when she came home and we sat down outside and drank tea to calm her nerves.
Suddenly I saw two kids running and jumping around in the grass. They had fun and I thought… why not?
I loved to play there when I was that age.
That changed tho when I saw how one of them kneeled down, still laughing. I thought he had a stomachache from the laughing until I saw flames! He put the grass, almost hay, on FIRE!
Tue fire spread like crazy and my mom immediately ran there to stomp on the flames while I ran in to get water.
Like 40-50% of the field was burnt down. I yelled at the kids, who didn’t seem to realize what they did wrong.
My mom just stood there and was still in shock.
The kids’ parents, our neighbors, came out and asked what happened so I told them. They basically told me to shut up and don’t yell at the kids ’cause ‘that’s normal for kids their age’ (around 12-15 I’d guess.
I’m close to 19 years old). I told them that, if I EVER saw these kids on our grounds again, I’d call the police. They called me a jerk for threatening the cops on the ‘innocent’ children and that kids are kids and that everyone does something like that at their age.
My mom and our elderly neighbor later told me that I was in the right though.
So… am I the jerk? I’m usually understanding when it comes to doing stuff when you’re a kid. I wasn’t an angel either but setting a field, or rather private property, on fire?
Never would I have done THAT!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – setting fires is NOT normal. I never knew one kid growing up who did that.
The parents should pay for any damage.
They are lucky you did not call the police. To be honest, I would consider it in these circumstances.
If the kids think it’s normal to set fire to things, and the parents also think that’s normal. What else are they setting on fire? At least alerting the police will let them know who to look at if something burns down.” Aylauria
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have big patience for kids, but there’s a huge difference between normal kid stuff and almost causing an out-of-control fire! I would strongly suggest to your neighbor (with the hay field lawn) to manage it otherwise they could also find themselves liable for having an unkempt/unsafe lawn).
Personally, I’d notify the police. Non-emergency number, just ask what to do in that situation as you’re concerned it could happen again.” tinny36
5. AITJ For Refusing To Change My Plans For My Dad's Birthday?
“My wife and I both have plans for our dads’ birthdays in a few months’ time. Both birthdays are on a Saturday and the plans were that for my dad’s birthday, I would make a homemade 3-course meal and we would visit on Saturday afternoon/night, whereas my wife’s dad’s birthday was for us to meet up in the city and go for dinner with a few drinks afterward.
We then both got invited to social events after these plans were made. I was invited to a stag do in the same city we’re going for dinner with her parents, and my wife was invited to a 40th family birthday party.
Discussing it with my wife I said I could meet up with my friends after we had finished dinner and drinks with her dad when everyone would be heading home anyway.
I specifically said I wouldn’t promise a time with my friends as I didn’t want to ask my wife to cut the night with her dad short, but my friend’s stag do would naturally go on until late in the morning (3-4 am) whereas my wife’s dad’s birthday we planned to finish about 9ish (even if it was later it’s no issue, I just meant I would be able to see my friends for a bit once we were done).
For my dad’s birthday, my wife asked if we could move the dinner to lunch and do it earlier so she could go to the party at a reasonable time. I said I didn’t want to do that because I was planning to make a large 3-course meal and it would take some time and wouldn’t be the sort of thing you’d want to eat for lunch before a party, but we agreed with my dad we could move it to the Sunday instead, meaning my wife could go to the party from the beginning, then we could visit my dad on Sunday and I could do the full meal then.
I thought this was a reasonable compromise.
My wife disagreed however, and said she would be hungover on Sunday and would feel uncomfortable going to my dad’s hungover, and if we were going to my parents on Sunday she wouldn’t drink at the party which wouldn’t be very fun for her.
She asked if we could move it to Friday but that doesn’t work for my family’s work schedule, and she didn’t want to move it to the following weekend either.
She said a fair compromise would be for me to not go to my friend’s stag do if I expected her to go to my parents on the Sunday.
I said this wasn’t really a good compromise because I was not only changing the date of my dad’s birthday but not seeing my friends, whereas she goes to both her plans unchanged.
After this, it devolved into an argument with her calling me selfish and controlling and she wouldn’t speak to me again until I understood her point of view.
I feel I was trying to be flexible but she was actually being quite controlling but I’m trying to think if I maybe just missed her point of view.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Stop lumping the two weekends together. Her dad’s birthday plans don’t conflict with your friend’s stag.
You can swing both (and honestly, it’s unlikely that you will miss much of either event and you’ve prioritized her dad’s party over your friend’s party already that you won’t set an end time).
Your dad’s plans are conflicting with her other party.
She gets to make whichever choice she wants as to which one she attends. And she can still drink a little on Saturday night and have her hangover sorted out by mid-afternoon the next day, which you’ve already switched to accommodate her unless she’s incapable of drinking responsibly.
If she’s dead set on drinking her face off on Saturday night, then she can just skip your dad’s dinner.
I’d be concerned about her choice there, questioning her drinking habits, but we don’t have any info on whether she has a habit of over-drinking so I’ll leave that be.
NTJ. But she sure is. The FOMO is strong with her.” RogueDIL
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, sounds like your wife is prioritizing her drinking and lack of control over what’s important to you. Your alternative arrangements were perfectly reasonable. Your wife is giving you an ultimatum – that sounds controlling to me.
Don’t give in… and hey… now you can enjoy the peace and quiet.” Smart-Association-59
4. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be Associated With My Mom's Homophobic Friends?
“I’m a 27-year-old male. Due to some financial hardship, I’ve been living back at my mum’s place for the past year. We get along just fine most of the time, but there’s an exception: while I’m an introvert, she is a textbook social butterfly.
She has many different people over, and I’ve seen individuals from all kinds of backgrounds over the years. I’m not always fond of these gatherings and parties, but my mum’s rules are 1. Everyone living under our roof must be present and entertain guests, and 2. Never cause a scene and don’t make anyone uncomfortable.
Lately, she has been hanging out with some moderate conservatives (we are moderate leftists). Even if I don’t agree with them most of the time, they are usually polite and good-natured people. I bite my tongue often in order to avoid certain topics and I ignore any gross comments and remarks, but it’s not too bad and I actually like some of these new friends.
Cue to last Friday night. My mum invited a bunch of people over, including a man I didn’t know yet. The evening went as usual. Today women and men were talking in two separate groups. The men were talking about politics, so I paid attention and tried to find common ground with them.
The conversation kept going, and they ended up talking about corrupt politicians. Finally, this new man made a remark about a famous politician: ‘He’s a degenerate. He goes out with men.’ Exact words. The conversation kept going.
You see, I like men. I didn’t say anything at the time (rule 2) but, when everyone left, I made it very clear to my mother that I didn’t want this man over at our house.
She knew how much I’d struggled with my s*******y and knew it was a big deal to me. She was dismissive, so I again made clear that, if she invited this man over, I wouldn’t be present, which I know would upset her quite a bit.
She didn’t really acknowledge my complaints and still hung out with the couple two days ago. I understand it is within her right to invite anyone she wants to her house, but I’m actually baffled and upset that she would spend time with someone who considers gay people (and her son, by extension) degenerates.
I am going to fulfill my threat and, if this man steps into our home, I’ll leave immediately, even if my mother loses face with her new social circle. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your mother is still associating with and maintaining friendships with homophobes not only after she knows about your journey with your s*******y but also after you expressed hurt and your own boundaries.
You have EVERY RIGHT to not be there. Have a conversation with your mum asserting boundaries and letting her know that if she continues doing this and hurts you in doing so, then your relationship will have to change.
I hope you can move out of this situation soon.
Sending strength your way.” wanesandwaves
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You can’t control who your mom chooses to entertain in her own house but you can absolutely establish and enforce boundaries around who you are and are not willing to interact with. This is a perfectly reasonable and understandable line in the sand; I would draw it too.
(I’m bi. Not closeted per se but most casual acquaintances don’t know because I have an opposite-gender partner.)” velkana
3. AITJ For Not Taking Accountability For A Customer's Wrong Order?
“I work at a fast-food Japanese place and I just started less than a week ago.
Yesterday, this lady came in on her phone holding up the line and taking forever to order, but I was patient because we were gonna close in an hour.
She ordered her food and I repeated her order twice so she knew what she was getting. The whole time she was on her phone not paying attention. She got her order and everything seemed fine.
10 minutes later, she came up to my co-worker complaining that one of her plates was not what she ordered. I quickly told my co-worker that I made sure her order was correct and had to go clean.
And if the order came out wrong it was because it was what she ordered and we cooked exactly what she said she wanted and I said it right in front of her.
We offered to make the food again but she had to pay because she already paid for the wrong thing.
The lady started making a big fuss about how we gave her the wrong thing and asked for the manager (there is no manager because she called out on a family emergency and it’s just a bunch of teenagers doing their best). Someone else came in and offered to make another bowl but she had to pay.
Then the lady got angry and started taking pictures and asking us about where the manager was and what our names were. We didn’t give any information because at that point she was getting aggressive. I came back from cleaning and they had given her the extra food she paid for; I have no idea how my coworkers managed to calm her down but I feel guilty for not being able to be there because I needed to clean before we closed.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, as long as what you served her was in fact the order you repeated back to her and she said it was correct. You repeated her order back to her twice, if it was wrong then she should have been paying attention and said something.
I’m sick of this nonsense where grown adults throw temper tantrums when things don’t go exactly their way and everyone is expected to cater to them and rush to console and calm them. I treat those guests like I would a toddler: I don’t reward tantrums or attitude.
If my manager wants to that’s on them, but I personally will not. The mistake was hers, she should have hung up the phone and paid attention.” Worth_Raspberry_11
Another User Comments:
“You didn’t need to clean, you could get one of the other guys to clean while you helped YOUR customer.
The customer is not always right, but not sure what your policy is, usually you just make another one. You could just plainly say that you were very clear with clarifying her order and she may not have heard or paid attention as she was on the phone.
Happy to make you another one but it will take 10 minutes, please take a seat and we’ll call you over.” tinny36
2. AITJ For Wanting To Move Out Of My Mom's House When I Turn 18?
“I (a teenage female) told my mother I wouldn’t stay with her after 18. She’s always been a helicopter parent, I can’t go anywhere without her unless it’s within 1 mile of our house.
I also can’t I have my phone upstairs when I sleep, can’t have a private password, and just recently got TT after begging her cause there’s ‘bad stuff’ on TT.
She divorced my dad when I was 3 months so I didn’t have a father figure growing up, I now have a stepdad and a stepsister 8 years younger than me.
She loves her clearly as she gets anything she wants, only hits and yells at me, and never let me have a phone until middle school (I had a literal flip-phone) meanwhile my sister has a phone, and 2 iPads and is younger than I was.
My stepdad doesn’t see me as his daughter even if my mother says he does and that he’s just ‘hard on me’. I really hate it here and my family has a negative toll on my mental health. I don’t want to go to a therapist cause they would probably not have time anyway and I can’t deal with that.
They threaten me saying that they’ll send me to boarding school, I’m just sick of them. I hate every human interaction with them and this may sound weird but I’m very sensitive to sound and all my sister does is yell, cry, chew with her mouth open, and sneeze everywhere.
I’m starting to think I’m going crazy, I can’t do it anymore but all my parents say is to stop policing my sister and that I can’t tell her to do anything.
I can’t lock my door or it will get taken away, my mom says I looked like I won the lottery when she said I can paint on my walls.
It’s my only escape from this miserable life. I started a Fiverr gig since I ‘can’t work and should focus on school’ I need the extra money to afford to move away straight out of college. She doesn’t trust me at all with anything and still thinks I’m a little kid.
When I bring up traumatic experiences like her almost drowning me in the pool on my birthday, she says I’m being dramatic. I feel like I can’t tell her anything.
Yesterday we got into an argument. After she started yelling at me for something I don’t remember I screamed at her that I was moving out at 18 and never coming back.
She got really angry and demanded that I go upstairs. I went for the rest of the night and didn’t talk to them. Now I’m having self-doubts thinking that she just might be protective and that I should apologize, she now acts like nothing happened and I’m starting to wonder if I really am the jerk.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She can get ticked all she wants but it does sound like she’s a control freak. It’s pretty messed up when parents take away doors from their children’s rooms, believing their kids don’t deserve any privacy. She’s definitely gaslighting you.
The way she’s treated you, I wouldn’t be surprised if you really did go No contact after leaving her and moving away. She sounds like a very toxic human.
Also, a couple of things, if she can’t afford to spend money on you I doubt she would send you to boarding school, as that would be costly.
It’s just her way of bluffing.
Another thing, talk to a therapist, seeking a professional might be tricky in your current situation but when the time comes and you’re out and on your own. It’s imperative to see a therapist who will help you and will make time for you regardless of what you think.
It’s part of their job to just talk about stuff, especially more concerning issues.
If possible see if you can find some other adults, (Grandparents or aunts or uncles or someone who understands your situation and see if they’d be able to let you stay) instead of being in such a toxic household.” SpeedBlitzX
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you can, start looking into scholarships that you can apply for, many can be used at a college or university of your choice. Your guidance counselor at school can help point you in the direction of the ones you would qualify for.
I know you mentioned not wanting to do therapy due to them probably not having time but if you change your mind there are many therapists that do online visits, and you can talk to someone from the comfort of your own bedroom.” notmycircusanymore
1. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit Our Neighbors' Kids Again?
“It was the Christmas break of 2021 and we were having a little Christmas get-together with our neighbors.
I liked my neighbors but I couldn’t handle being around their kids, they are entitled and loud, don’t listen to anything anyone says, and demand the world, and if it is now given they make a massive scene. My neighbors came up to me and asked me if I would be able to watch their kids after school for 1 to 2 hours and only 1 to 2 days a week max.
I agreed because I didn’t want to say the real reason why I wouldn’t want to do it.
Then Christmas break ends and we start school again. I was always at the top of my class so I wasn’t worried about falling behind because of the babysitting.
When it came to the end of the school day I had to go over to start watching their kids and it was a nightmare. It is difficult to explain the misery that those kids were made of but it was a terrible experience. But for the month of January, it was the agreed-upon amount of time there per week at 15$ per hour which I enjoyed. But the months of February to April were more of the same old nightmarish behavior from their 2 kids.
By the way, they are 10 and 6. But the parents were the ones who were different.
They started to ask for 3 or 4 days most weeks, plus they would start to come home 30 to 1 hour late. But May and June were my breaking point. Same nightmare to watch the kids, but now it was 4 or 5 days a week, and constantly had to ask when they would be home because every day was getting later and later.
Some days I needed to get dinner for them and myself so I would make dinner and then have to take them to my place to make myself food. It wasn’t like it was 10 mins over the expected time. It was 2-3 hours over the time.
So I was starting to have no time for myself and my after-school work.
I tried to bring my work over to do it while babysitting but one of the kids started to attack me and my work when I wasn’t playing with him.
But thank god that summer came. I told them that I would take a break from babysitting (was heavily implying that I wouldn’t be doing it again) and we went our separate ways.
Now it is August the 25th and I get woken up at 7 in the morning and get asked by my parents if I could go watch my neighbors’ kids for 5 hours, make them dinner, and put them to bed. For 40$ total. I said I won’t be babysitting again and they told me that this was a way of repaying them for helping us out.
(my mom and dad would ask for favors from them and vice versa) I stood by my choice and they told me that they were disappointed with me because I wouldn’t repay everything that they did. Now I am seen as rude and a bad person for saying that I wouldn’t watch their kids again.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. In my field, there is a name for what the parents are doing to you: it’s called Scope Creep. It’s when you agree to a certain amount of work, and the other party keeps asking for more and more, little by little until they have asked for the world and you are overwhelmed. And, sometimes, you don’t even realize it because it is done very gradually, and others, you let it happen because you just want to help.
In any case, you wind up in the end with too much work for you to handle and the other party thinks they can do anything they want because you haven’t said ‘no’ to them.
As far as your parents go – you aren’t an appliance for them to loan out to repay favors they have asked for.
They need to learn to take responsibility for the favors they owe themselves. Seems to me that if you taking care of those two little terrors and putting up with the parents lying to you about when they are coming home is paying them back for favors, your parents owe you quite a bit of favors now.
So, no, you are not a bad person for saying you wouldn’t watch their kids again. Besides, you are allowed to say ‘no’ to a job for any reason you want.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This is a big lesson in learning to set boundaries and reinforce them.
You do not owe anyone anything. No one is entitled to your time.
If your neighbors choose to help your parents out, that is their choice. It does not make them entitled to your person for childcare. And if your parents feel so strongly, they are welcome to go over and babysit the kids since they are also the ones asking for the favors.” Kawaiidumpling8
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